#i wanna fit their idealizations but also be loved for who i am

[like-wuatafauq]

TWICE is right. I wanna know know know know, what is love?

[kangshxrtie]

ch. 22 ⤍ PICK ME

you started your stream with your usual energetic greeting, glancing at the chat as it started to flood in with messages. you leaned back in your chair, smiling, ready to dive into the updates.

"so earlier today, i filmed this video with leeseo and wonyoung," you began, trying not to laugh too hard at the memory. "first of all, never let wonyoung behind the wheel—she scares me. she couldn't keep her hands on the wheel because she freaked out every time the car moved even a little. now, leeseo? that kid is wild. for some reason, she's actually good at driving." you paused for effect. "like, way too good for her age."

user1 idk who even let wonyoung behind the wheel. she's literally scared of driving.

you nodded, laughing softly. "i was wondering the same damn thing," you replied, shaking your head.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ when do i get to drive you? 😏

you raised an eyebrow at the comment. "you driving? should i be scared?" you teased.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ of course not. i'm a great driver!

"i don't know... should i let zuha drive me around?" you asked your chat, knowing exactly how they'd react.

user2 hell no

user3 run yn

user4 ur def not making it out of that one

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ i love being a mod. there's so much power here.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ i'm banning everybody who said i can't drive!

you couldn't help but laugh at her response. "you can't just ban my whole chat, zuha!"

reinyourheart wait how is kazuha a mod b4 me? i've known u longer

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ 🤷🏻‍♀️ i'm just good like that.

🗡️_yujin_an damn imagine not being a mod

reinyourheart even yujin

reinyourheart she prob doesn't even use it

🗡️_yujin_an actually 🤓☝️ i use my mod powers all the time to run polls. i'm also an og y/n sub so i got mod

reinyourheart y/n plz mod me since apparently you're just giving mod to anybody these days

"i don't trust you enough to give you those privileges."

reinyourheart but u trust yujin???

"well, not really, but she's our leader," you joked.

reinyourheart banning u from my chat now

"that's fine, i never watch your streams anyways," you quipped, earning a playful gasp from your chat.

reinyourheart 😮 fake

"i'm joking. please don't actually ban me," you said, breaking into laughter. as your giggles faded, your eyes caught an interesting question in the chat.

user1 what type of person do u want to date?

the question made you pause for a moment. "i've actually been thinking about this a lot recently," you admitted.

you leaned forward, ready to dive into your answer. "so, first of all, i like someone with a cool and relaxed personality, but they also need to be bright enough to make me laugh—even with the corniest jokes." as you said this, your thoughts drifted toward someone in particular.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ i feel like i can satisfy those requirements

you chuckled softly but kept going. "i also want to date a morning person, so they can help me fix my sleep schedule."

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ i hate sleeping in

"i really hope they can speak japanese too, 'cause i wanna visit japan so badly."

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ me

you grinned, ignoring her comments for now. "another odd requirement—i want them to be good at ballet. it's a talent i just really admire."

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ me 🙋🏻‍♀️

"oh, and if they look like bae suzy, that's a huge bonus," you added with a nostalgic smile. "she was my ideal type when i was younger."

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ pick me! choose mee!

"and another weird one—they need to randomly start stretching or doing squats whenever they feel like it. bonus points if they have abs. that's just..." you sighed dramatically. "so hot."

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ i literally fit all the requirements

you finally broke, laughing as you read her string of comments. "i don't know if anybody can really line up to all these standards," you shrugged playfully.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ am i even here rn 😞

"y'all, if you know someone who meets all these standards, let me know," you told your chat, laughing at how many people were either playing along or just laughing at the interaction.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ chat suggest me #ynxzuha

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ imma start banning ppl that type any other name

"you can't threaten my chat like that, zuha," you chuckled, reading her messages aloud.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ chat she noticed me

you shook your head, smiling. "but since you're here, what do you think of all these suggestions?"

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ idk but i think that kazuha girl is pretty cool. i think u wld like her

you pursed your lips in thought. "hmm... i don't really know. i'll have to think about that one."

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ trust

"i guess i'll trust you," you said, playing along. "but what are you doing right now? you should join me."

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ i cant im filming leniverse rn

you gasped. "what do you mean? stop watching me and go film!" you teased, mock-scolding her.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ we good. they're not rdy yet

"alright, just don't get into trouble because of me."

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ talking to u is more important tho :/

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ nobody tell chaewon i said that

"there's a reason i act the way i do—it's because she says stuff like this," you said with an exaggerated sigh.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ i miss u lets hang out soon

"we literally hung out yesterday," you reminded her, laughing.

user5 u did?

user6 i miss when y/n updated us

you nodded, leaning into the camera. "yeah, because we filmed the collab!" you added, catching yourself before revealing too much. "when will that be posted, zuha?"

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ shld be posted next week

"okay, tell your team to edit me well," you said with a grin.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ i will.

🗡️k_a_z_u_h_a__ i hv to film now talk l8r

"bye, zuha!" you waved dramatically, just as you got a perfectly timed message from yujin that she was almost ready.

"so, today we'll be playing games with yujin, who should be here soon," you announced to your chat. no sooner had you said it, you heard the familiar ping, signaling that yujin had joined the call.

"y/n, why didn't you warn me?" yujin exclaimed, her voice full of exasperation.

you blinked. "what do you mean?"

"leeseo just showed me what you all did in the video today."

"oh, that! yeah, she's crazy with it," you laughed, remembering the madness.

"she was all like, 'you wanna see what i learned?' and i'm thinking, sure, why not—'cause i'm actually curious about what y'all filmed. next thing i know, she reverses fast and does a freaking j-turn. i've never been so scared in my life."

"she did it first try, too. i was just sitting there, in shock."

"i just wish i had talked to wonyoung first," yujin muttered.

"i'm so glad you're the driver in the group. no way we'd be alive if wonyoung was behind the wheel."

"oh, absolutely," yujin agreed quickly. you both laughed before getting connected to the game, ready for the chaos that would follow.

zuhasgf connected

as soon as yujin's character appeared in the game lobby, you rolled your eyes, and immediately opened the menu, kicking her out without hesitation.

"alright, i'm in the game," she announced, unaware of what you'd just done.

"huh? y/n, did you just kick me out?" yujin's voice sounded confused.

you tried to act innocent. "wait, why'd you disconnect?"

yujin groaned, realizing. "you literally just kicked me."

"i think you need a new username," you replied.

"i can't get back in—did you ban me?" yujin chuckled.

"don't blame me because you can't get in the game," you said.

zuhasgf connected.

you immediately kicked her out again, this time banning her completely.

"y/n!" yujin yelled in disbelief.

"i told you to make a new username. i'm not accepting this one," you said firmly.

"just unban me!" yujin demanded, still laughing.

"are you trying to join with the same character?" you asked.

"yeah, did you unban me?"

"...of course," you lied smoothly.

once yujin finally decides to change her name back to normal, you two load into the game, the screen fades in, revealing your pirates standing confidently on a dock, the vast ocean stretching behind them, with a rugged ship rocking gently in the harbor.

"i don't have a shovel, so you're gonna have to do all the digging," yujin lazily announced.

"yujin, if you don't put some type of work in, i might actually fight you," you shot back.

you walk off in the opposite direction when you spot something off in the distance. "there's a ship here," you inform yujin.

she started her pirate roleplay. "arghh! i'm on my way!" yujin replied in a raspy pirate accent, rushing toward the ship with exaggerated enthusiasm.

suddenly, your screen started shaking violently. "what was that?" you muttered, trying to steady your view.

on the other end, you could hear yujin losing her mind, screaming incoherently. there were no actual words, just pure panic as she mashed buttons in a futile attempt to do... something.

while yujin flailed, you spotted an ocean crawler emerging from the sand. remaining calm, you casually pulled out your gun and shot it. meanwhile, yujin continued screaming in terror about something you couldn't even see.

then, out of nowhere, yujin set off an explosion—right next to you. the entire screen flashed red as both you and the surrounding enemies were blasted back.

"oh my god, yujin! what the fuck!" you yelled, your health bar dangerously low as you quickly ate some food to recover.

"you're welcome!" yujin chirped, completely ignoring the fact that she had almost killed you along with the monsters.

the battle ended, and you both wandered around the island, eventually stumbling upon a mysterious shipwreck. a spectral pirate appeared out of thin air, launching into an overly dramatic speech about ancient pirate lore.

"this is actually the longest speech i've ever heard. argh," yujin groaned.

you decided to pull out a ukelele from your inventory. yujin, never one to be outdone, joined in with her singing about finding the pirate captain, her voice cracking from the strain of trying to stay in character.

later, while you were still outside playing music, yujin's shrill voice pierced the calm.

"three ghost ships!" she shouted.

"let's go. we must go on an adventure!" you replied, dramatically diving into the water, heading for the ghost ship, determination in your heart.

however, as you swam, the tide came in, forcefully pushing your character back. you struggled against the current, while yujin, oblivious, had already made it onto your ship and was sailing away.

"yujin! get your ass back here!" you screamed, frantically swimming after the ship. "i'm literally sinking!"

after what felt like an eternity, yujin finally circled back for you. gasping for breath, you managed to pull yourself up onto the deck.

relieved to be back on board, you stood at the front of the ship, surveying the ocean ahead. you felt the wind in your face, the waves crashing against the hull. surely, yujin could be trusted to steer the ship... right?

but then you noticed something alarming. "yujin... we're gonna crash into this rock!" you said, your voice tense.

"anchor!" yujin screamed, but it was far too late. the ship slammed into the rock.

"we're gonna die on this ship. not even from the battles, it'll be from your terrible driving," you groaned.

"naww, we're good," yujin said confidently, somehow managing to reverse the ship and sail around the obstacle, acting like nothing had happened.

you decided to climb up to the ship's bowsprit, balancing precariously on the beam as the ship cut through the waves. "is standing up here a good idea?" you asked, already knowing the answer.

"argh! of course it is!" yujin replied without hesitation.

"is playing music as we go into battle a bad idea?" she asked, joining you upfront with her accordian, strumming an out-of-tune melody.

you pulled out your ukulele from the inventory, matching her energy, and for a moment, it was peaceful—just two pirates making music.

then, without warning, the water around you started to churn. from the depths of the ocean, a massive kraken emerged, its tentacles towering above your ship.

both you and yujin screamed in unison as chaos ensued. you were flung into the water but somehow kept playing your ukulele, refusing to let the music die.

"it's sucking us in!" yujin shouted, her voice on the verge of panic. "load the cannons! we gotta fight this off!"

"can we even fight this thing?" you asked through fits of laughter, doubting your chances.

you quickly switched to the cannonballs, aiming at the monstrous tentacles, firing off shots as fast as you could. you felt like you were making progress, but then you noticed the ship was being dragged deeper into the abyss.

your screen flickered and went dark with a red outline. "what is even happening?" you groaned as your character faded into the ghostly realm.

as a spirit, you wandered aimlessly, spotting another figure. thinking it was yujin, you approached, only to realize it was a random player—a man who's character gave you a casual nod.

"later, dude," he said, disappearing into the void.

you eventually respawned back with yujin, both of you standing on the remains of your ship, now just floating debris in the ocean.

"well, that was a great sea of thieves adventure. we lost everything," yujin said, pulling out her accordion.

you pulled out your ukulele, shaking your head but smiling. "yeah, it was great."

"the fucking kraken..." yujin muttered.

"literally right before the pirate ship, too," you said.

"literally the most random shit," she added, laughing.

"crazy," you agreed, both of you still basking in the aftermath of the chaos.

"anyway, i guess we have to end here," yujin said, the energy winding down.

"yeah, we do," you agreed, starting the stream wrap-up.

you exited the call with yujin, turning your attention to chat. "alright, chat, it's about that time," you said, leaning back in your chair with a relaxed smile. "i'll be live tomorrow for some more games, maybe with a few friends, but i haven't locked anything in yet."

you glanced at the chat as messages rolled in, then continued. "also, keep an eye out—our channel's dropping a new video soon, so make sure to check that out when it's up. but yeah, that's all for today!"

you gave a casual wave. "thanks for hanging out, and i'll see you next time." with a final smile, you ended the stream.

ALL CHAPTERS !!! | NEXT CH !!!

[moonshynecybin]

do you have any motogp fic recs?

yeah sure man. im gonna keep it simple (ao3 only) because i am a capricious bookmarker and refuse to wade through the weeds of tumblr fic as im not a natural tagger. no order just vibes. all of these i love and reread !

cant change that, cant change you by kingsquarding

Marc at the ranch for the (second) first time.

this fic is the platonic ideal of marc and vale post reconciliation being TOGETHER and at the RANCH and trying to make it WORK but they are also. still being a little messed up. themes include: guilt. injury. marc trying to get vale to stop treating him like glass and FUCK HIM already because he doesnt want to admit that their relationship/his body has changed since he was twenty. delicious.

Che Spettacolo! by serve_cunt

“What do you think,” Vale says, and leans against the doorframe. “Will he come?” Uccio stays silent. Of course he will come, he wants to say. In what world does he stay away? In what world can he resist?

sending uccio to the cuck chair. outside POV rosquez always hits for me becuase they match each other's freak in so many ways its fun to see what antics they engage in as obsevered by someone more normal. in this case. uccio. also helps get around vale's shit ass communication because its him through the eyes of someone who KNOWS that vale is being WEIRD. even if marc doesnt. fun and SEXY. academic au by the same author ALSO slays

of crashing and burning (and falling for you) by Anonymous

It has always been Marc and Valentino, Valentino and Marc. Two rivals inseparable on- and off-track throughout their careers, their story so closely intertwined they might as well have been the same person, dominating their beloved sport between the two of them. Then Marc breaks his arm, Vale loses their championship, and they are left trying to pick up the pieces. AKA a rosquez same age AU.

someone wrote out. elle and i's same age au. and it was so perfect i legit struggle to answer asks about this au now because im just like. its in the AU !!! its all here !!! really nails vale in this specific scenario imo... all the love and resentment and self-imposed walls and. my favorite of all. the exact way these guys talk in press conferences. like their exact diction. hits the spot beautifulperfect

arms out like an angel by yekoc

“Does Marc still work here?” he asks. He can’t think of the word for performing. “I dunno, man,” the guy says. “Sorry, I’m new.” Vale blinks at him. “Find out,” he says, and then, annoyed at himself for the impatience, “if you can. I came a long way.”

the efficiency of word choice in terms of characterization in this one really moves me... every line has implications !!! sexy ones even !!! and theres so much baseline CHEMISTRY and inability to really STAY AWAY from each other but also. a tense little undercurrent of slight misunderstanding and hurt that makes it stand out... i also just love fics where marc pushes back just a lil and vale has to like. figure out what to do with that. in a horny way. yekoc's bezzcele also goes crazy if you wanna think about nipple piercings as much as i do

All I Wanted by agnst-crrnt

The first time it happens is just after Marc’s 10th birthday. He’s about to complain to his parents about how Álex always finishes the milk and then puts it back into the fridge, when the faces of his parents’ blur in front of him. Marc closes his eyes, trying to make it better and grabs onto the edge of the table. He can hear his mama ask him if he’s okay, before everything stops. or Rosquez Time Travel Au, where Marc randomly gets teleported through time, always ending up somewhere around Vale

hey thats my friend. rosquez time travel au as ive said my favorite thing to think about maybe EVER !!! really love the strict marc POV on this one and how you REALLY see the. youre in love so you go. and his just. his ceaseless romanticism and optimism wrt to vale and their relationship that fits this fic concept SO well. guest appearances from pedrenzo as well yayyyyy

i give into the fall series by lestelledreams

Her and Pol were good; they did win a gold at Junior Worlds after all, and that’s not something anyone can just go out there and do. But her and Valentino – they could become great. Mar’s never been more sure of anything in her life. or, The first year of Mar's and Vale's partnership.

genderbend figure skating au where marc gets to have all his weird injury complexes explored AND it gets slutty AND we get to see his freak ass ambition. imagine if motogp was a pairs sport (like actually not just in a fake way) and marc had the option of pairing up with vale. imagine how crazy he would go trying to make that happen adfhdflk

a hundred ninety-nine degrees by hardlythewiser (sequinedfairy)

“You should fuck me again,” Bez says. It trips out, all his defenses worn down by the long, annoying day of meetings, by the feeling of Cele above him, pressing him down into the couch, by Cele’s bright clear gaze. Above him, Cele doesn’t smile with his whole face, scrunching up his eyes, like he did the first time Bez asked. He doesn’t smile at all, just keeps looking at Bez. “Really?” he asks. “I didn’t know – did you like it, last time?”

cele tops lets GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. some fics just. have an ability to pierce directly towards what actually and precisely makes a pairing or a situation or a dynamic SEXY, while also revealing a new facet of said dynamic that i've never thought about in depth before. this is one of those. fuck him!!! make him cry !!!! perfect !!!

i was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy (whose reality i knew was hopeless to be had) by babynflames

In Motegi 2005, Hiroshi Aoyama wins his first race during his home GP, Dani Pedrosa gets second while hiding a fractured humerus and Jorge Lorenzo is handed a one race ban for riding in a irresponsible manner after nearly colliding with Dani and causing de Angelis to abandon the race, leaving the third position to Casey Stoner. The haircutting is incidental.

dyke PEDRENZO. fic that is fun and funny and filled to the BRIM with the kind of homoerotic tension you can only have between two teenage dykes in direct competition who dont even know theyre horny about each other except they REALLY kind of do. also. the best sports rpf to me always engages with a sport on a sociological level... also just love the writing style on this. direct and avoidant at the same time. very dani in sexuality crisis to me aljfdhl

[divine-donna]

burnt out passions

because i watched the red shoes and this idea just popped into my head.

tashi duncan they can never make me hate you. i am a tashi duncan defender until i die. (sorry art)

character: tashi duncan

context: stanford. 2007 - 2008.

you and tashi understood one thing: passion was everything.

your lives revolved around your passions. for her, it was the sport of tennis. and for you, it was the dance of ballet.

your step-father was quite rich, bringing you and your parental figure out of poverty. it was through him that you started going to tennis matches. and you were a fan of tashi duncan.

she was meant to be a star. she was meant to go far. she was meant to have that grand slam career title that most, if not all, tennis players envied.

you always admired her from afar. but when you walked into class on your first day of class in your freshman year, you were not expecting to see tashi duncan.

the class was your typical writing 101 class, the kind that was meant to prepare students on research and how to write. within the class were workshops. after all, part of making a good essay was to proofread and have everything peer reviewed.

"you have a great voice."

your paper was dumped in front of you. there were barely any corrections on it. just a lot of underlining and side notes. looking up, you saw the woman that was tashi duncan.

"thanks." you hand her paper over to her.

tashi flips through it. she sees a lot of doodles on her paper that express your annotations through speech and thought bubbles.

"i also thought your voice was great. your passion for tennis really comes through. although i think having seen you play enhanced the reading experience."

"so...you've seen me play?" she crosses her arms over her chest.

"my step-father loves tennis."

"fun. i learned some new things in your paper. you really like ballet?"

"ideally i'd like to be professional. but who knows how stable that is." in comparison to being a famous tennis player. "which is why i'm here. to get a degree in...something."

tashi glances down. you're wearing red shoes. "so...do you wear red because of the movie you mentioned?"

"maybe. it's been a thing since i was a kid."

a small smile begins to curl on her face. "you wanna get lunch?"

"so you do ballet? do your feet ever hurt?"

"all the time." your feet hurt just thinking about dancing again. "i can't imagine my life without ballet."

"i can relate to that." she lifts her cup up and you gently tap your own against hers.

"you should come to the show. we're having one near the end of the semester."

"so soon? we just got here."

"i need to train. keep my muscles flexible and ready."

"you should try tennis. you might actually be really good at it." ballet took a ton of control and coordination. tennis would be a perfect sport for you. or, at least, a decent fit.

"i tried. i'm terrible at hitting balls with a racket."

"who said you had to be good?"

"i would like to think that if i'm playing with tashi duncan...at least i should be mediocre."

you became one of tashi's favorite people to hang out with. and you were also her favorite gym partner. your schedules just lined up perfectly.

every time you guys went to work out, you would lead the stretches beforehand.

sometimes, you guys would visit the dance studio and you would teach her some basic moves. when your finger tips grazed her arm, she would shudder. you were careful when touching her and asked her all the time if you could hold her waist.

"you don't need to ask (y/n)! we're friends." tashi has that soft look in her eyes. she always looked at you with those eyes.

"still!" you say. "don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"you won't! you could never."

you took a deep breath when she said that, trying to ignore the heat beginning to swirl in your body. your body so close to hers. her smile. her smooth skin. her voice. and her smelled.

she always smelled divine.

tashi never knew ballet could be so intense.

she came with art to the show, holding a bouquet of flowers. you had been working hard and she wanted to make sure your efforts were acknowledged and received by her.

you moved with such precision and fluidity. she swore you turned into a blur.

your body was nimble. and that outfit...well, she could see your body. she had a boyfriend. but you were right there and a lot more present than patrick, who was currently on tour.

she has to push the thoughts aside, not noticing the fact that art sees the way she looks at you.

"you were fucking amazing!"

you were surprised when you feel just how hard she hugs you. she squeezes almost a little too tight.

and yet, you accept it. you lean into it and savor her touch.

"thanks for coming tashi. i saw you in the crowd."

finally, tashi lets you go. she takes the flowers from art. you could feel your face heat up. "t-tashi...you didn't have to."

"nonsense!" she playfully hits your arm. "you worked hard. remember that breakdown you had?" a small laugh leaves you when thinking about it.

it happened at the dance studio in the gym. you guys were stretching and all the emotions from midterms, finals projects, and your upcoming lead role came crashing down.

"you deserve it. you were amazing. if you're not hired when you get out of college..." she shakes her head. but she cannot stop grinning.

you bought flowers for tashi. it was the first game of the season. her and art have been training for this. and you were excited to see her play not as a spectator, but as her friend!

earlier during the week, you had convened with art to try to pick out which bought to get her and exactly how big.

when you got there though, it was just art. you were expecting to see another white boy. and you sit on art's right. "so...what happened to patrick?"

you wanted to see for yourself who tashi duncan's boyfriend was. who exactly managed to bag tashi duncan? you wanted to meet him. not that you were jealous...

but you were.

art leans back in the seat. "he's not coming. him and tashi had a fight."

you frown and continue holding the flowers. "...he sounds like an ass."

"tell me about it."

when tashi tore her acl on the court, you swore you could feel the pain in your own leg. a sort of phantom feeling.

you were frozen, trying to determine if what you saw truly happened.

art was quicker than you, rushing down and even jumping over the net.

you're walking to the infirmary room when you can hear the argument.

"out! out!"

"listen-" says the guy with messy dark hair. he looks disheveled. and like shit.

"patrick get the fuck out of here!"

you've never heard art yell. ever. he never even raised his voice.

patrick seems defeated and he abides by them, leaving. his eyes meet yours. "nice flowers." he notices the card attached to a string.

For the best tennis player I know: TASHI ♡

"have fun. now's your chance too. but you should know. art's restless."

you clench your jaw and walk past him. art was right. he was an ass.

tashi glances at the door when your head pops in. she doesn't say anything, but her shoulders slouch a little bit. you take it as a sign to come in and walk over to her side.

she looks at the flowers and at the card attached to the string. "i don't deserve those."

"if anyone deserves flowers...it's you." you could feel your eyes tearing up. you feel her pain. you understand her frustration. and most importantly, you feel her devastation.

tashi takes the flowers from your hands, her fingers touching your own. she takes a deep breath and inhales their scent. it was nice. you chose a good bouquet.

little did you know that it was the death of her career. and you had brought flowers to her funeral.

your next role was a challenging one. it had you straining your legs every day while you trained, trying to get your tempo right. nothing seemed to work though.

the stress of midterms also didn't help. you had a lot of work on your plate. many papers, almost too many exams. you didn't sleep much. you couldn't sleep.

tashi felt some guilt towards you helping her. you were taking time out of your own day to get her back into shape.

you were her cheerleader. you believed that she could heal and return to the court. you helped her with her exercises, woke up early to go to her room and help her stretch.

her frustration continued to boil over when she couldn't do the things she wanted to do.

not only was she a failure, but she was also letting you down.

"are you disappointed in me?"

you look at her as you stretch her leg for her. it was bent beneath you and you're careful when adding the pressure. she's staring up at the ceiling.

it was still dark outside.

"i could never be disappointed in you."

"don't bullshit me (y/n)."

"i mean it tashi. i could never be disappointed in you." she looks at you. there are tears threatening to spill.

"...i'm afraid my only skill is hitting a ball with a racket." and that without it, she was nothing. you didn't need her to voice it. you could see it in her eyes, in her posture, in her demeanor.

"no. it is not. you're tashi motherfucking duncan. you're smart, you're gorgeous, and you're ambitious. you can write! you're great at organizing! you give awesome advice! and most importantly, you get shit done. if anything tries to stop you, you find a way around it. and you see to it that you have a way to participate."

her heart skips a beat.

"you're kissing my ass." a smile cracks on her face.

you wanted to tell her that you loved her. it threatened to spill from your tongue.

"i would love to."

tashi laughs, covering her face with her hands. she takes the opportunity to wipe away her tears as you pull her leg back into a resting position.

"today's dress rehearsal, right?" she sits up as you stand and grab some of the bottles of gatorade you put in her fridge to keep cold.

"yeah. you don't have to come if you're not up for it."

tashi gently rubs her knee before looking up at you. "i could use the time to rest."

"is art coming?"

tashi purses her lips. "art and i...aren't really talking anymore..."

you frown. "i'm sorry to hear that." you decide not to ask or push it. but part of you felt elated that he was gone. it always felt like a crowd with you and tashi. and art.

while working out and practicing earlier, you decided to ignore the throbbing pain in your hip. when tashi asks if you want to come with her for a break, you tell her that you wanted to keep training. you were close to nailing it.

you were perhaps overconfident when it came time to dress rehearsal.

at the climax of the shower, the music surging, your heart beating, your costume flaring out, you hear a loud pop. and when you land, you hear another pop.

it seemed that fate decided to fuck with you that night.

the pain in your right side was nearly unbearable.

tashi recognized that cry of pain. she heard it when she went to bed, when she reflected upon her life at night. she rises out of her seat, getting over to the stage as fast as possible.

you overexerted yourself, tearing your achilles and your labrum. at the very least, it would take you out of your role currently. at the worst, it would inhibit your movements for the rest of your life.

tashi was with you the whole time. you could only stare blankly at the x-rays.

without knowing, you're leaning towards her. until your head is against her body. she puts an arm around you, keeping you close in silent understanding.

you heard a knock at your door. ever since your injury, you had barely come out of your room, only for class and to eat to spend your dining dollars.

you groan, sitting up and carefully getting off the bed. you use your crutches and open the door. "tashi...it's late..."

tashi holds a bag of snacks and drinks. "you look like shit."

"that's because i feel like shit."

you guys were kind of matching. her in her brace and you in your splint.

you move aside to let her in and she closes the door for you. "i bought all your favorites." she says, putting the drinks into the fridge to keep them cold. she sets the bag of snacks down on your desk.

tashi watches you go back to your bed and set your crutches aside. you try your best to get onto the bed using your upper body strength, but your arms were failing you.

she walks over and gently lifts you up at your thighs while you push yourself up with your arms. it works, and you're able to sit on the mattress topped by a mattress topper.

"can't even...get on my fucking bed!" you grit your teeth. and you didn't have the strength to adjust the height of your bed either.

tashi frowns. "there's no shame in needing help." you showed her that.

"i know. i just..." you lick your lips, looking at her. "i wish i took that break. i wouldn't be in this position if i did." you sniffle.

tashi's eyes glance down at your lips before going back up. "i spend too much time worrying about the what ifs."

"i shouldn't. it's...stupid."

there's a comfortable silence between the two of you. you look at tashi. the way her hair frames her face. her big brown eyes. her lips that you desperately wanted to taste. she was still gorgeous even dressed down in her stanford sweater and athletic shorts.

she leans forward, her kiss soft and gentle.

your hand goes to rest on her neck, kissing her back.

tashi kisses you harder, her mouth moving in hungry motions. you match her pace, kissing her with just as much hunger.

you let her push you down onto the mattress so she could be on top. her hands begin to trail down your body, finding the end of your sweater. she slides her hand beneath, feeling your cool skin.

you pull away, your breathing heavy. "are you sure?" you didn't understand why tashi duncan would want to kiss you of all people. even if you wanted to kiss her.

"i'm sure." she kisses you again and you moan against her lips, letting her tongue slide past your lips and dance with your tongue.

[dropthedemiurge]

Boys Be Brave [EP.3] // Translation notes

Alright, I got prompted by @turndon100-blog @okiedokie2216 @lurkingshan and the ending of Ep.3 gave me hype boost so I'll try to write some clarification and translation for the scenes from my phone while I still remember everything xD Sorry if this is not going to be as well formatted as my other language posts tho...

Kiseob wants to prove to Jinwoo that he perfectly fits his entire "My ideal type" checklist and he lists all the things he nails. This might've been confusing to many in subs, but the thing is - 첫눈 (chot nun) in Korean can both mean "first sight" and "first snow". So Jinwoo immediately argues that Kiseob failed to achieve being perfect in all to-do points because Jinwoo hasn't fallen in love with him at first sight (as he mentions it in the beginning of the episode). But Kiseob confidently argues that no, there was no first snow this winter yet and shows the December article that says first snow is late this year and might only fall in January.

So technically Jinwoo can still fall in love with Kiseob at first snow and achieve perfect 10/10, therefore no failure yet! Poor Jinwoo can't argue with that logic... (That frustrated little jiggly stomping lmao)

This message also said that he better pay that credit back until Friday, otherwise there will be extra fee.

He said "Choi BalgEum. Look at me" (or focus on me) 🥺

눈치 없어 (nunchi opseo) is a phrase that literally means "have no sense" (it also was formed from 눈 - eyes, as I can guess), but it's used in the context of being perceptive (눈치 있어/nunchi isseo, having sense), feeling the subtext or nonverbal clues - and, well, the lack of it on the opposite, like being clueless.

So Balgeum actually means "Can't you see? Don't you understand the implications?"(of him holding Kiseob's hand) "I asked, don't you realize?" Stop following me around like a clueless fool" (he said that "having no sense" phrase 3 times in a row, who are you trying to fool here yourself, my guy lol)

Balgeum also curses twice at his piano not-friend-situationship. Here he says after asking to stop following him: "It's fucking embarrassing". Probably, the fact that he keeps showing up and asking to talk to him, but can also mean doing this while he obviously "has a boyfriend".

When they meet in evening, he also curses again "why the fuck do you keep appearing?" Balgeum is just definitely trying to hurt him as much as possible :(

This translation works but just to clarify - Kiseob says "Why do you often hide?". So he doesn't just ask why Jinwoo were still hiding under bed while he was talking to him, he was asking why Jinwoo was running away and hiding from him all the time (while he likes him).

"I hated you back then and I hate you now, that's why I run away."

And I just love the phrase 아니잖아... (anijanha) that he gets in response. Because it means "That's not true... (and you know it too)". There's literally a grammar point in Korean that lets you insist on something you know that the other person also should be aware of. So Balgeum angrily claims he ran away in the past and he runs away now because he hates Inho (I hope that's his name, forgive me if anything), and Inho counter argues that no, he doesn't hate him. And implies they both know it. That's why Balgeum resorts to less angry "Think whatever you want".

And the fact that even after this, Balgeum kept playing up his masquarade and saying he wants to vomit even thinking about that they had something, that he regrets it every day - no wonder Inho finally snaps and calls him an asshole/scum when he didn't use cursing before, unlike Balgeum, and so the i-dont-wanna-hurt-you-but-i-am-emotional "fight" begins.

But here we have a silver lining!

"- Meet me only three times... - I got it (what you want), so... (let go of me)"

알겠다 (al'getta) literally means "I know/I understand" but (going with my intuition) it's used naturally in cases that you understood the information you were given, received instructions and will follow them.

I'm not sure what Ep.4 will bring, but I won't be surprised if Balgeum and Inho actually will go to 3 dates because Balgeum sounded like he was giving in, after letting out his anger/fear/frustration/etc through wrestling with Inho. His final verdict for Inho pleading him to go on 3 dates with him is: "Let me go. I told you, I understand (your request and I will consider it most likely in a positive way)"

Here you go! These guys grow on me more and more with every episode. I am fascinated to see Jinwoo ditching his perfectly planned schedule, Kiseob finally refusing to follow where other people drag him, Inho fighting to make his love exist despite brutal rejections and punches, and Balgeum's carefully crafted defense walls breaking as he lets a glimmer of hope and love return to his life.

This show isn't deep at all, it's foolish and yet I'm starting to see layers and development and I'm intrigued where they all will go.

If you've got any other questions about this or previous episodes, let me know! (With timecodes preferrable)

[torialefay]

astrological placements wise, or maybe even not and just based on vibes/intuition, who in stray kids would be the most for the 'thick thighs save lives' notion (lol) and have their type being a s/o on the softer/chubbier/curvier side

BEFORE i write this, i just wanna say that all people are beautiful. just because you are bigger or smaller doesn't define how beautiful you are as a person. these are just my opinions. only the boys know their own preferences. i am also gonna be as gender neutral as possible since we really don't know their sexual orientations.

okay i'm gonna go with changbin being #1. idk why but gym bros love people on the thicker side. and you could also tell that he wasn't happy with himself when he was smaller and wanted to build up more, so i think he'd appreciate some meat. i also just get the vibes that he's an ass guy, and that normally goes with it 🤷🏻‍♀️

lee know and seungmin i think would be next. i'm really not even sure why 100%. lee know is just so grabby that i feel like he'd want a lil something to hold onto. he definitely gives off that energy. and for seungmin, he's just so chill, and i find that chill guys also like a bit of ass.

i'm gonna add chan and felix on here as well. with some conditions lol. i think chan could be into it, and tbh i feel like he may even prefer someone with curves. someone with an ultra-feminine figure would def be a turn on for him. i think he'd still gravitate towards people who are more "fit" but like a "fit curvy" type of vibe. and for lixie, i think he'd be fine with a little pudge tbh. he may even find it kinda cute. idk, i just think it suits him tbh. that's really the only basis i have to go off of 🤪 well that and the fact that he says his ideal type is someone who eats well

***editing to add that i think han could be into it as well. idk why i left him out omg my baby </3

let me know your opinions!!! <3

[mrs-monaghan]

Idk if it's insecurity or thinking about all possibilities lol but I'm starting to think JK is dating sohee. He could've selected any actress to feat on his MV but he particularly selected her in a sexy mv.

As you know Wooga squad always date between their mutual friends. We have Taennie and now Park seo Joon and Jennie's youtuber friend. So hee is also very close with wooga squad and now JK is also close with them. During premieres, there was no need for JK's attendance there, still he went. And you can see he being suddenly so exicted when sohee's name was announced by MC. He literally whipped his head while he was walking away from venue. So maybe he met her through them and is dating her now ?

And if you look without any bias Sohee is literally his female version and ticks all of his ideal type column including being elder than him to feed his ever famous noona kink. Tbh sohee fits it way more than what we thought Jimin is what his ideal type is. I won't be surprised if he fell in love with someone who's exactly like him. And I'm expecting that dating confirmation anyday (tho it won't happen like Taennie didn't) so I'll be less sad about Jikook lol. I think I shouldn't be hyped about Jkk anymore and slowly stop shipping them at all as at the end it will be not positive.

Good morning its 9:53 AM here in the UK and I'm literally putting on my face, getting ready for Church. So you are gonna get good polite Shaz coz you know...Church 😆

Anyway, I am happy you have decided to root for JK and this woman. I am posting this ask hoping others see this and heed what I say when my anons are on again. You think Jimin and JK are with other people? Awesome. Good for you. Now do us both a favour and keep this shit to yourself. Okay?

I honestly don't understand why you're here telling me this??? You wanna support JK with this random lady we've literally only heard of for less than a month as opposed to... u know what, I'm not gonna bring Jimin into this. You do you luckymoonpaper. Just please keep me out of your fantasies. I mean, I'm glad u thought of me, but umm

I'm good. Thanks ✌🏽

[neos-schlond-poofa]

Resident Lover x Ethel Cain I

Which song fits each RL Character the best, and why? Only featuring songs from Preacher's Daughter; any other Ethel Cain albums and EPs will be in another post if I feel like it. And also, you don't need to know any Ethel Cain lore to get this post.

BELA DIMITRESCU: Sun Bleached Flies

Listening to the choir, so heartfelt, all singing God loves you, but not enough to save you

A song about one making peace with their fate; not so fitting for Bela, is it? The one love interest who never stops fighting for MC?

But what if the she's accepted that her fate is fight for MC. Her fate is to always be there for them, even when the universe tries to tear them apart, even when everything is utterly terrible. And all throughout the song, it is clear that what Ethel wants is just her lover back, just as Bela hopes to have a wonderful life with MC without the fear of Miranda ruining it all.

I'm still praying for that house in Nebraska By the highway, out on the edge of town

CASSANDRA DIMITRESCU: Gibson Girl

You wanna love me right now You wanna get alone with me

Arguably the hardest character to assign a song to, Cassandra is the Gibson Girl not due to the specific lyrical nature of the song, but the interpretation others have from it when listening to it without knowing its full story.

Those who don't know the story of Preacher's Daughter just believe this is a song about being hot and sexy and getting around. Just as some believe that is all there is to Cassandra. But truthfully, Gibson Girl is a dark song hidden behind the sound, with so much more to be read into than just "this song makes me feel so good." And like the song, there is so much more to Cass than just her looks and her relationships... she's her own character going through her own things who doesn't just want these small flings, she wants a relationship, she wants someone to love her.

Then I would show you something You can never have

DANIELA DIMITRESCU: Strangers

I tried to be good Am I no good?

The forgotten sister who just wants to the best version of herself as she can. The one who wants to please everyone even when she doesn't know how to. The one who has so much expectations put onto her.

This song, similar to Cassandra's, is a bit of a stretch, but I'm not basing it directly off the story, am I? Dani is Strangers as even in her darkest moments, she cares for others, even the ones who haven't been the best to her or the ones she has complex relationships with. It's as simple as that.

Found you just to tell you that I made it real far And that I never blamed you for loving me the way that you did

ALCINA DIMITRESCU: Televangelism

You see, this is hard, because there are no lyrics, so it really messes up the layout. However, I don't need lyrics for this. This song is all about Ethel's journey to the afterlife and her acceptance of such. And for Alcina, is appears she has just accepted her life to being one of Miranda's tools for getting MC back. She barely fights for herself or her daughters unless the player pushes for it.

ANGIE BENEVIENTO: American Teenager

Head full of whiskey but I always deliver Jesus, if you're listening let me handle my liquor

I promise I didn't just pick this song because of its mentions of alcohol. But Angie, out of all the members of the cast, is the most similar to American Teenager, even if she isn't American. Angie wants to have fun, she lives an idealized life where she parties every day and has little to worry about. Out of all the songs on the album, this is the happiest sounding one, but just like Angie, there are somber undertones to it.

Angie's life really isn't ideal. She's a doll. She can't go anywhere far or she will basically die in a weird, non-permanent way. Her life isn't all that great, and neither is the place that she lives in. Just as Ethel grew up with an amazing view of the world, only to realize it's not great and had been glamorized.

It's just not my year But I'm all good out here

DONNA BENEVIENTO: House in Nebraska

We had nothing except each other You were my whole world

A torch song. Fitting for Donna, who has gone through multiple timelines where her love is unrequited after a previous one where she experienced the happiest moments of her life.

At the core of this song is truly a sense of longing. Ethel misses her lover who left her before the events of the album. Time has passed, yet she can not accept that he is gone. As for Donna, years could have passed since her time with yet MC, yet she still loves them. She almost always remembers what they had and what they didn't. The pain both of them went through, but the love they still had for each other afterwards. The nights they had in the flower shop and the mornings they had waking each other up with kisses. And yet, it's gone. And Donna will never truly have that back due to the loop. She will never have her love. The person that helped her with her mental health and allowed for her to become an even braver person than she ever would've been before.

She's alone without MC. She has Angie, of course, but that's her niece. As for the Dimitrescu sisters, she isn't that close to them as she is with Angie, and Bela, with whom Donna has the closest relationship with out of them, will forever lose her trust in Donna. Alcina and Miranda aren't that great figures in her life either; MC was her light, and it was taken away from her. She understands she doesn't own MC, but she still wants them. She loves them so much and hates the thought of them being gone. But ultimately, she has to accept that there is no happy ending with MC.

But God, I just hope you're doing fine out there I just pray that you're all right

MOTHER MIRANDA: Ptolemaea

Heard you, saw you, felt you, gave you Need you, love you, love you, love you

Miranda is not a good person. In this case, she is not Ethel in the song. Ethel can easily be viewed as any other character in the game. Instead, Miranda is the haunting voice of Ethel's murderer. And while Miranda does not murder everyone in the game, she does ruin their lives for her own sake.

Miranda is the figure that harms everyone else. She manipulates them and makes sure none of them gets their happy ending with MC. She owns MC and she loves the idea of having a relationship with MC. Miranda has done so many terrible things just to have MC, who will truly never be in a happy relationship with Miranda. MC had no choice in what would happen to them, they have no choice in being in a relationship with Miranda, as even though they "choose" Miranda in her route, that is only after countless resets by Miranda to get MC for herself.

Run then, child You can't hide from me forever

MIA WINTERS: August Underground

Another song that ruins the layout. Mia might seem a bit of an odd choice to be included, but she is just as important as the other characters. However, that doesn't mean I have a good reasoning for her being this song. It's just an ominous, creepy song that matches up with Mia being crazy.

MC: Thoroughfare

And you said, "Hey, do you wanna see the west with me? 'Cause love's out there and I can't leave it be"

A long song dedicated to Ethel falling love with her ultimately doomed lover. What could be more fitting for MC? After all, to be loved by MC is to be doomed by the narrative. And that includes for MC.

MC will have the most passionate romances imaginable, but they mean nothing. They will always be taken away from them or end terribly, such as being murdered by their lover or watching them just leave for someone else. MC never even intends to fall in love, just as Ethel didn't mean to fall in love here, but they both did. And it seemed so amazing for the both of them. Just a wonderful moment of bliss that didn't last long.

'Cause in your pickup truck with all of your dumb luck Is the only place I think I'd ever wanna be

[queerbrujas]

okay i'm in a mood so we're gonna talk about my thoughts on the N route in twc book 3. they're not good so look away if you don't wanna read that etc etc

so i'd known for a while that i was going to have to bring in an oc that wasn't eva for this route because in the meantime i'd developed her enough and thought about her enough that she just didn't fit the route anymore anywhere other than in my head. i still tried it with her and i didn't like it one bit, but i thought hey, my own problem.

so i made a new detective.

let me tell you about tatiana.

tatiana is the definition of a uhaul lesbian. she's head over heels in love with nat, absolutely crazy for her, totally willing to gloss over any sort of conflict. exactly the kind of narrative the story wants you to go for (and we'll come back to this).

things that happened in tatiana's playthrough:

she confessed her love to nat only to get absolutely NO response, an attempt to initiate sex, and no commentary whatsoever in the narration on how nat didn't say anything back. like, i'm very sorry to mishka who seems to think that initiating sex is a satisfactory answer to that kind of thing and the Ultimate expression of love but i think a normal and expected reaction to this would be 'wait they didn't say it back'. i am NOT trying to say that N needed to say it back at that moment, before anyone comes for me, there are a million reasons why they wouldn't (i even had a theory that they'd freak out if they heard it!!!) but the fact that the narration absolutely does not acknowledge that fact is so excuse me what the fuck. i've been so pissed at this that i've been working on a fic purely out of hatred for that choice.

let's talk about the sex scenes. they're bad. i'm sorry, they're bad. not only in execution (who cares) but you are not going to tell me that what is essentially a quickie is Enough for a character who has been built up as an over-the-top romantic when it's supposed to be their first time having sex with their partner. i won't buy it. it's like mishka spent these past three years marinading in the asks about agent suavewell and how smooth and sexy and horny they are and when it was time to write the book that was all she wanted to write.

it all just feels so shallow. where is the romance, for fuck's sake. it all feels unearned. beat after beat after beat with nothing to make me care about it.

and, once again—this is playing the ideal version of this route. the 'head over heels' version of this route. i don't even want to touch the other variants that continue to exist despite it being increasingly clear they are Not how the story is meant to go. i'm absolutely someone who supports authors doing whatever the fuck they want with their stories, the fact that there's a playable MC doesn't mean the player gets to dictate every single aspect of their arc or personality, but don't offer the option of things if you're not gonna commit to it. don't tell me i can be hesitant about a relationship when the narrative is gonna fall apart if i decide to do that etc etc.

IDK MAN. i'm very very happy for anyone who enjoyed this route, love that for you, but also, what the fuck.

[abubblingcandle]

I love your Jamie Tartt meta so much and seeing your take on things is so interesting! People have been reblogging with tags about Jamie at Manchester City. What's your take on that?

I can't sleep and I'm back on my bullshit about S1 Jamie and his return to Man City and the Man City of it all and writing fic so you can definitely have more meta.

Because for me, I completely get the opinion that being benched for half of one game by Ted in Man City's eyes isn't much fodder for getting rid of Jamie. But we also don't see, apart from that last game in the season, Man City actually wanting Jamie there.

Full Disclosure - Now I am not a Pep fan, I'm actually a Pep enemy and will always wax lyrical about how he's not as good as he thinks he is. So that is the grain of salt to be taken here.

Back to Jamie - He's a top scorer. He's a dynamic versatile forward. Nothing that Cartrick or Ted taught him was worthwhile so he would have returned to city in the same shape that he left really just with game minutes under his belt. Yet ... he doesn't make the team. He only gets a few minutes, a few touches of the ball. When he does touch the ball he creates and he scores ... so why isn't he playing regularly?

Say it with me now ✨disciplinary issues✨

Because Jamie returning to Man City under a cloud isn't only bad for Jamie's reputation ... it's embarrassing for City as well. You've got this talent that you've fostered through the academy, spent money on, grown yourselves and he's got an attitude, needs the edges sanding down, doesn't really fit into your scheme so you send him off. Either he'll come back and be City ready or he'll come back with a nice little price tag for the summer. But neither happens and so your little academy pet project is now a "problem". He comes back still rough around the edges but now with a reputation for not caring about his teammates, fighting on the pitch and not going to training. No one is going to want to risk him until he proves he can fall in line but City can't risk playing him if he's not going to fall in line with their scheme and be a good fit which he likely won't be because if he would then he would have done it by now. They are at an impasse.

He's nearly 24, the longer he goes without breaking through the more people are going to look and go "what's wrong with him?" so your next option is to try over summer and send him out on loan in Europe or to a lower league. But you call up a League 1 team and go "hey wanna loan this guy who got in the teens goals in the prem last year?" What will they say? ... "What's wrong with him?"

Teams do not want a loan player that will stir the pot. The last thing you want is what happened at Richmond where a player who is only there for a few months fucks with the dynamics.

For an example of this there is Djed Spence. A Tottenham player who was returned for "not fitting the ideals of the club" by Leeds United. He was immediately put up for sale. No sale came through. He was eventually loaned to Genoa and is probably going to be sold there. Player sent away to a lower ranking club to mature and get game time he wouldn't at his home club. Returned for disciplinary issues. Rejected but barely anyone is interested.

We then get to the LCA of it all, because in my opinion if Jamie was getting good minutes in preseason, a chance of starting for City regularly then that's the dream and yeah his dad would have been shit but Jamie wouldn't throw away the dream. If he genuinely thought I am one of the starting eleven then Jamie wouldn't have wanted to do anything to risk that. But if preseason is rolling around and no one is interested in signing him, loaning him and he's sat on the bench for 75mins of most matches then ... getting away from it all looks a lot more tempting.

[pilot-doodles]

HELLO! I was tagged in this "Get to Know me" thing. wazzup. thanks, @alyxtried

Last Song - Blood Upon the Snow- Hozier, Bear McCreary

The song fits some of my OCs super well, I keep putting that song on in the car and get really lost in it. It's one of those songs that if given the right time to sit and listen, will give me full body chills. today was one of those days!

Currently Watching - Star Wars Rebels (Season 2)

I can't shut up about Star Wars ever and because I am fun and love live My favorite animated series is Rebels. I wanted to show it to my roommate. Every time I re-watch it I notice more and more. I'm also watching Ashoka so It is nice to see the parallels. and GOD i love Hera Syndulla so much.

Currently Reading - Burning Chrome- William Gibson

Reading is SUUUUPER hard for me for some reason, so I find myself picking up and putting books down often. I rarely get so engrossed in a book that I finish it, but that's why Burning Chrome works for me. it's a scify anthology/short story comp that I can pick up and put away whenever I want. the few books I strongly recommend are Piranesi and the Winternight Trilogy!

Current Obsession - (Still) Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Baldur's gate 3

before I go back on my Star Wars bullshit, I'm still playing BG3 with my beloved bard, Viv. I don't have as much free time as I did a while back but I still want to finish the story.

Favourite Colour - Red

it's been my favorite since I was a kid! I don't have a single explanation for it but it's always my favorite. I use it a lot in character design. I am also a fan of a good gold and black. the combo of red, dark navy and gold will always make me go insane. (in a good way)

Favourite Candy - Gummies

who has ONE favorite candy? what? I love gummies, hard candy, dark chocolate, anything with lemon- the more I think of it I don't think there's anything I actively dislike! except circus peanuts and candy corn but I think I'm allergic to them.

Favourite Game of All Time - Final Fantasy Crisis Core

I don't know who knows but I have a tattoo of the buster sword (Zacks OG CC version). it's on my left forearm. the tattoo artist I got was amazing, too. Crisis Core was extremely formative for me and had formulated some of the ideals I hold today.

Current Pets - Tadashi (gray longhair cat) and Acorn (Society Finch)

My boy tadashi was a shelter cat who probably would have died if I hadn't gotten him when I did. He came to me with a life threatening respiratory infection and ringworm, fleas, kennel rashes, etc. He's all fixed up now and living his best life as a spoiled, fat housecat. he's a bit standoffish to people, but really loves being with people. I also live with my sister's two cats, madeline and Olive.

Thanks for the tag, If someone wants to do it, go for it! I would love to hear about the vast beautiful worlds you got going on! (trying not to tag irl friends) Theres a lot of you active mutuals, so if I missed you and you wanna do it, I have spiritualy tagged you.

@magicalzombiegirl @ramroadrage @sternenhimmel-mond @thatoneperson1967 @astro-b-o-y-d @jesterrlavorre @phobosapollo @nionbell

[delta-orionis]

i wanna hear about the simon aroace beam pls

(Tumblr is apparently trying to silence me because this is the second time I'm writing out this answer. Anyway.)

I already made a post about my aroace Simon headcanons several years ago, but I'm more than happy to talk about it again. (Also I'm not sure if you specifically ever beat SOMA, so you're probably unfamiliar with some of the points I made in the aforementioned post. I'll do my best to explain.)

(Continued under the cut)

Simon is an interesting character because he's an everyman. I often joke about how he's Just Some Guy who's having the worst day ever. He's had a pretty average life (aside from the recent loss of his friend and traumatic brain injury), and it doesn't come up often in the text of the game. He brings it up sometimes, but it isn't the focus of his dialogue. He was thrust from an unremarkable life in 2015 into Undersea Robot Hell and is forced to make some serious decisions about the fate of the human race, so he has other priorities.

His characterization as an everyman combined with the fact that we don't actually know a lot about his life before the events of SOMA make Simon a very easy character to project your own experiences onto. This makes him a good fit for a video game protagonist because it makes it easy for the player to relate to him. It also means that it's easy to fill in the blanks of his characterization with your own ideas. I've personally seen lots of different interpretations of his gender and sexuality; I've seen people headcanon him as straight, gay, bisexual, etc etc. His gender is also an entire can of worms; I've seen people make compelling arguments that he's a trans man, a trans woman, and even nonbinary and agender.

Anyway... this was all preface for my thesis that Simon is aroace. The easy explanation is that I, an aroace person, find it easy to project my own experiences on to him in a way that makes sense to me. I've talked to a few other aroace SOMA fans about this, and they've agreed. (This is what I mean by the aroace beam. I simply enjoy headcanoning characters I like as aroace, because I, too, am aroace. I'm hitting them with my beam attack. Metaphorically. I've now rendered the joke unfunny by explaining it.)

(Side note- there's a running joke in the SOMA server I run that many SOMA fans are asexual. There certainly are a number of them in that specific server, however this also might be confirmation bias, because I haven't done a fandom-wide survey or anything like that. It also might be because I promote the server heavily on my blog, and as an openly aroace person, I probably have a statistically significant amount of aspec followers who are then compelled to join the server I help run. More research is required, I guess.)

The longer explanation for this headcanon is that, within the text of the game, Simon doesnt' appear to be very concerned with sex or romance.

In the dream sequence at the beginning of the game, Simon tells Ashley he wants to tell her something, and she responds with "please don't make this weird". A lot of people tend to interpret this as Simon working up the courage to tell Ashley he has a crush on her. The scene ends abruptly before this can be confirmed. However, there are a few unused voice lines in the game files that extend the scene a bit. Simon was originally supposed to say "I'm sorry" to Ashley before the dream ended. This implies that he wanted to apologize to her for involving her in the car accident that ended her life, not confess a crush.

There is another dream sequence later in the game, the context being that Simon is under the influence of the WAU and is being shown an idealized version of his life. He sees Ashley, alive and standing in his apartment, where she declares that the two of them are in love. Simon seems confused about this and wakes up shortly after.

I will admit that this scene implies he has romantic feelings for her. However, in the post I made a few years ago, I talked about how a common experience for a lot of aroace people is not being able to distinguish between different types of attraction and how this can lead to aces convincing themselves that they have a crush on someone when what they really desire is a platonic relationship:

I think what sells it the most for me is that, during the dream sequence with Ashley, when Ashley tells him that they’re a couple, he sounds confused. You could interpret this as general confusion (he doesn’t know how Ashley is suddenly alive again or why they’re suddenly in a relationship), but I like to think that he’s conflicted about his feelings for her. He knows he wants to be close to her, but he’s not sure if being a romantic couple is exactly what he wants. If the dream sequence is supposed to be an idealized scenario, then why is he conflicted about the thing he supposedly wants?

Simon strikes me as the type of guy who isn’t super informed about LGBT stuff. He probably knows a little bit about general LGBT stuff, but maybe hasn’t learned about asexuality, or he doubts that it could apply to him. He might think that, because he wants to be close with Ashley, that the next logical step would be a romantic relationship, even if his feelings are actually just platonic. (I know from personal experience growing up asexual that I would sometimes invent crushes on people, when in reality my feelings were just platonic and I actually just wanted to be their friend. From what I’ve heard, this is a common experience for a lot of aro and ace people from before they learned about asexuality/aromanticism.)

I recognize that this interpretation might be bending canon a bit. Occam's razor would imply that he simply has a romantic crush on Ashley, but that's no fun.

SOMA is a game that is, overall, pretty uninterested in exploring romantic or sexual relationships. It also features two main characters of different genders (Simon and Catherine) who develop a strong platonic relationship over the course of the game. I, personally, find it a breath of fresh air, especially when a lot of science fiction and cyberpunk stories have a heavy emphasis on sex. (I'm definitely not bitter about all the weird sexism present in cyberpunk novels like Neuromancer, for example...)

I suppose it makes sense, then, that the game would have a sizeable amount of aroace fans. I personally think there is something inherently queer about the game- although not explicit in the text, transhumanist stories like SOMA can be read as metaphors for queer experiences. Questioning one's identity and humanity is something that a lot of LGBT people do on a regular basis, so it makes perfect sense that they would relate to a character from a game exploring those topics, albeit through a science fiction lens.

Anyway. Very, very long story short, I hit Simon with my aroace beam attack because I think it's fun. He means a lot to me and I like thinking about him.

(Don't get me started on what I think about his gender. He's got so much going on in that department and absolutely no time to come to terms with it all. That's a post for another day.)

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, I hope you enjoyed reading, etc etc. I'm going to go back to rotating Simon in my brain now.

[lacependragon]

I am prefacing this with I love Stardew Valley and Demetrius and I am not trying to start a fight. This is a frustration I feel with the game as well as many things I've seen. Just. Sharing it.

You know man I've been playing Stardew since. Forever. And so I've seen dialogue changes quite a bit. Vanilla dialogue can be... repetitive, and so when it changes I very much Notice.

And like. Demetrius' writing, whether intentionally or not, as gotten both much more racist and ableist in the last few years. And maybe it's not on purpose! Maybe it's totally subconscious on CA's part! I don't wanna assign malice. It's easier to think it's ignorance and accidental.

And it's easy to assume it's partially fandom response, considering how much people hate him. And CA is very fandom oriented.

But Demetrius' writing is bad. It is uniquely bad. It is bad in a way that none of the others are (yes I am repeating myself). And that is oh so very obvious in any run where you get hearts up with that family.

Oh the singular Black man in town totally ignores his white step-son, treats his white wife terribly, and dotes on his mixed race daughter as if she's the only person who matters? Insults everything his wife makes? Makes vague threats at the farmer?

"Oh but it's not because he's Black!" How do you know? Are you inside CA's head? Do you know what he thinks? Do you know every unconscious bias of a man you've never met? No. You don't. I bet you don't even know all of yours. Fuck knows no one does.

Don't defend him when you don't even know him. Listen. Listen. LISTEN.

Stardew Valley is a wonderful, awesome game. But it's made by a flawed man (everyone is flawed) and it reflects his biases pretty clearly if you ask me (as many works of art do).

And if that offends you, maybe you should ask yourself why. Maybe you should ask yourself why it's so important this game and man are perfect instead of acknowledging that this amazing game has flaws that can make the game uncomfortable or frustrating for many players. Flaws that diminish characters who could otherwise be very interesting.

I also said Ableist. I'd go on a whole rant about that, too, but because Demetrius' neurodivergence is implied, not explicit, it's hard to know what is and isn't meant to be taken. But again, making the clearly "different" character so awful to others is not ideal. Especially when they're the only one.

And before you ask: Yes. This has a lot to do with Demetrius being the only Black man in town. And fitting into a lot of awful stereotypes along the way. I'd be much much MUCH more lenient if there were other Black men in Stardew. But there aren't. Demetrius is all we get.

And he just keeps getting worse every update.

I love him so much. He's a neurodivergent father. He's the only non-white parent in town. He's the only step-parent in town. He and Robin and Seb and Maru have the only blended and mixed family.

There's so much nuance to him and to his relationships and to his family and his backstory. There could be so much going on with him and science, or him and Maru, or him and anything.

But nah he hates fun, talks about how dancing sucks (even though he dances every week) and seemingly hates both his wife and step-son in many dialogues.

Why? Why? It makes no sense to me in-universe.

Watsonian versus Doylist analysis. When there's no in-universe explanation that follows the world. Look to the people creating the universe.

[pro-mammonologist]

I wanted to answer your “would you really date the obey me Boys” question in an ask if that’s okay 🥺

For mammon, who is my absolute favorite. He would piss me off so badly in the beginning with how rude and stubborn he is, I just would hold a grudge. It would take me a very long time with us warming up to eachother to even be friends. Eventually maybe we could be something more when he opens up.

Solomon is another one of my favorites but irl I think he’d weird me out. Like he’d give me creepy vibes.

I would have the BIGGEST crush on Lucifer but would be so turned off by his personality bc he’s very brash.

Barbatos and I would never connect bc we are both quiet. It would take us a ridiculously long time to get to know eachother. But I would probably still have a crush on him.

I would find Levi incredibly irritating. I hate people who are overly self deprecating and I would think he’s rude. Eventually we would bond over needy stuff but we would absolutely never date.

Irl I do not like blondes so no Satan

Asmos and I would just be besties

Beel is not my type irl but I would think he’s so sweet I’d probably have a little crush

Absolutely fucking not for Belphie. I would hate him and think he’s so rude. A big one I only like in theory.

I’d like to think Simeon and I have a chance, but I think he’s way too nice for me.

And for Dia, I am very quiet so his loudness and big personality would definitely scare me.

But I read fics about all of them expect for asmo. He’s just really not my type. But in my head I can change the senarios to fit exactly what I want to I can work out with all of them. I am in a poly relationship with all of them in my head.

Lemme give my two sense too.

So I would think Lucifer is so hot and he’d turn me on so badly but then I’d see how he’s such as asshole to his brothers and I don’t really fuck with tough love all that much. After he softens up later then I’d go back to being turned on all the time.

Mammon would annoy me with his ego but seeing his personality and like his actual morals and stuff would make me mega attracted to him. His spending is my only problem just cuz I grew up poor and stuff.

Levi is like the guys I’d usually attract and I know I’d be uncomfy because I prefer people who have it more together like as much as I relate to the recluse vibes I need people who aren’t as afraid of the world cuz I’m TERRIFIED.

Satan is probably who I’d date fr fr. He’s basically a less mean version of Lucifer that really likes cats and he’s a lot less sadistic period. He probably is the most likely to share my political beliefs as well. (Mammon would too because he gives so much anarchistic vibes, Satan needs some structure)

Asmo would be my bff and I’d be scared to fuck him because I just know his standards are high. Would be horny with him all the time though.

Beel is perfect for real but he’s like too soft and sweet. I need someone with more personality and a bigger presence.

Belphie is a definite no. I enjoy sleeping and chilling and I get wanting to rest all the time cuz I’m like chronically fatigued but his “fuck everything” attitude pisses me off. He also seems to be very passive aggressive and I hate that shit.

Diavolo is probably also ideal for me minus the literal royal status of his. I hate hate hate hierarchies and rich people but Dia is so open and kind and not to mention progressive so I lowkey would vibe with him hard. I would absolutely wanna be dicked down regularly by him.

Barb is great but since he’s so hard working I feel like I would be lacking in a relationship with him. I’m more laid back and lenient and he’s not.

Simeon is cool and is also someone I’d realistically date but something about him just screams token gay friend. That’s the dynamic I feel I’d have with him.

Solomon is someone who I used to hate but in nightbringer I’m like “ooookkkaaaayyyyy” cuz he’s slowly becoming more my type. I think I would also find him creepy at first but then after some time id def get a lil 👀

So really

Lucifer: not at first, later on

Mammon: not at first, later on, but would be ideal for me

Levi: no

Satan: yes

Asmo: no

Beel: eh but would fuck fs

Belphie: no

Dia: yes

Barb: no

Simeon: ?

Solomon: yes later on

[gurorori]

bein' completely honest here i have considered npd shu be4 soooo often cause the. the shoe fits (laugh please), i feel like his past & family environment cld really serve as a push, in the end cluster Bs r all jus' sets of survival & coping tactics ya adopt into yr personality as a result of unjust treatment & trauma <- this is true

nawt 2 armchair diagnose him but like we shall go over sum npd traits. cause we kno here it ain't jus' high self esteem (when the opposite is usually evident)

↓↓↓

intentionally or nawt i feel like exvalk shu especially fits the npd mold like dat was his entire character conflict /lh (i miss him)

> a grandiose sense of self-importance

need i say anythin'. listen 2 like the first shu voiceline in ! it was literally 'i am the emperor of ymnsk academy'. .. doesn't he also go as far as 2 declare himself the god of this world? like ''kono sekai no kami da' i remember dat. oh & how much stronger & imposin' his timbre was compared 2 how much softer his voice is rn. he was very much self-focused even though it manifested thru valkyrie, he was distinctly treatin' the unit as his creation & his own creation only. the focus on the self is very real

> a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

i feel like if ya know shu ya will nod away at every single one of these cause. pre-fall valk <- dat wasn' even a fantasy, i feel like he was really narc-thrivin' back then cause it was the reality, they WERE on top. (srry if ya came here 4 thorough analysis i don' do that round here i jus' show ya smth & we both nod solemnly) success, power, brilliance, beauty, even ideal love (shnz wink?) - exvalk shu is both a perfectionist & a maximalist i think he craved it all, an' even when he has achieved great success he jus' can't get enuff, leadin' him 2 get overconfident 2 the point where he was /dat/ oblivious 2 his own (& valkyrie's, but at dat time he saw valkyrie as himself only, & the rest as just an extension, a tool) imminent demise practically laid out in front of him.

> a belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions

this guy?

the guy who calls the general public philistines & views ppl who don' adhere 2 the same high standards he holds 4 himself imbeciles?

> a need for excessive admiration

the 'go on, praise me more!' guy? it might seem at first like he'd b too prideful 2 outright ask 4 external validation but if ya really look a bit into it, he's very reliant on it.. i think it gets amplified by bein' an idol too, bein' very self conscious of yr image. ofc mr oshisan wld find himself in a field where the entire point is 2 b the center of attention & appraisal.

> a sense of entitlement

i think this jus' circles back 2 every other point i made...!!!! exvalk shu is control & acknowledgment hungry. he wants 2 step on n crush the skulls of every1 who is unworthy & soar thru the skies on the mechanical wings of valkyrie.. or wtv. he is intensely focused on his goal 2 the point of tunnel vision cause he fully believes himself 2 deserve the throne. no1 else can b above him. he despises 'commoners' & those below him yet who brought him all the recognition & glory? wats the expression? rest on yr laurels? dunno if 'm usin' it correctly!!!

i also hope i don' come off as dramatisin' too much. like ik marionette is literally jus' one story but i feel it dat much stronger, i guess. 4 (introject) reasons. i hope these things don' read as a huge stretch.

> interpersonally exploitive behavior

> a lack of empathy

> envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her

gettin' lazy. i feel like this cld jus' b self explanatory... i don' wanna go in depth into every single one 4 shu, esp cuz. ya don' need every single criteria 2 match. 4 a diagnosis. but if ya have any specific moments 4 this one feel free 2 add on 👍🏼

> a demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

[plutoids-thoughts]

I am bored so I decided I will share the songs on my megop playlist :3 (not many songs, but quality over quantity✌🏽)

Also if anyone has other songs in mind, I’d love to add them to my playlist

Lettuce begin…

Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys — it’s SOO ANGSTY. The late night rumination of what’s been lost and the temptation to just GO FOR IT despite being sworn enemies and knowing it’s probably not gonna have the best outcome. Yep, tfp megop I think.

Enemy - Imagine Dragons — Arcane was an objectively good series. I also think it’s a good representation of Megatron’s conflict with the upper class and Autobot fanatics because he’s made many enemies since he’s spoken of dismantling a system that had allowed them to perpetuate oppression to their benefit, and he’s determined to keep speaking up about it. Also just my little spin on it, but I think that it also represents his minor victim complex which didn’t take well to Optimus becoming a prime bc 1) he had many feelings for his “bro” and 2) he associated the primacy with the corruption of the High Council, and he felt deeply betrayed by Optimus because he thought Optimus would uphold the values of classism and corruption despite having fought by Megs’ side under his philosophy. He thought someone finally understood his struggle intimately, but then Optimus became a Prime so that OBVIOUSLY meant Megatron meant nothing to Optimus. Megs is so dramatic 🙄🙄

Reflections - The Neighborhood — so much ANGST!!! Each of them wanting the other to come back because they sold their soul for each other and believing the other just doesn’t love them anymore. The angst is scrumptious. Also it’s such a soft song, it’s giving “ruminating about your ex lover/revolutionary bestie at 3 am”

Star Walkin’ - Lil Nas X — Super peppy tune, it makes me wanna start a revolution!! AAAAA!! I think it’s representative of Megatron’s thirst to be recognized and to have power to change Cybertron’s corrupt authority, to champion a revolution fueled by the intoxicating idealism that would make Cybertron equal for everyone. I hc that Orion Pax and Megs when they were young would be brimming with idealism and determination and fall hard into whatever they set their minds to (including each other 🫣🫣). Obv as the war evolves and they find each other on opposite sides of the war, yes they fight each other bc they want to protect the ideals of their respective factions, but also because they’re constants in each others lives. Optimus Prime will always be a driving force in Megs’s life and vice versa. It’s a sort of weird camaraderie they share because they’re important to each other (not in the sense that they can’t live without the other, but like they’ve always been present in the others life).

The Heat - The Score — I almost didn’t put it on here because I feel like it’s very subjective, but it just reminds me of tfp Megatron’s obsession with Optimus, and like he wants him BAD.

Hold Me Down - The Happy Fits — so this might be a little OOC but I think what I hc as the early parts of Megatronus and Orion Pax’s relationship is what this song reminds me of. They’re just so in love but so awkward. It just hits you in the feels.

Centuries - Fallout Boy — do I even need to explain? also just more angst ✌🏽✌🏽

Run for Cover - The Killers — again, a very angsty tune and I love it.

Crossfire - Stephen — there’s a lot in this song. Firstly I see two perspectives in this song that I think fit well with Optimus and Megatron. One perspective is caught in the middle of a necessary war because of trying to fight oppression/corruption as someone who was a victim of that, and the weariness he feels, but also the fact that he has to continue fighting in order to protect himself and others like him from oppression (essentially being “caught in the crossfire”) — that’s Megs. The other one is someone who’s priveliged and mostly protected from oppression that has tangible effects on his life, but he still is conscious of others being oppressed and wanting to know why — that’s Optimus/Orion Pax. And in a way, megs and op find refuge in each other while this whole thing is going on because the lyrics lowkey reek of exhaustion to me, and it seems like both of them are exasperated/emotionally drained from this war. Eventually, as the war goes on, Optimus starts to question if he’s on the right side of the war. If he’s on the Autobot side, hes asking if blindly following orders is the right thing to do, kind of like in IDW’s Autocracy, because the destruction he’s bringing to the enemy doesn’t seem fair, because they’re just fighting for freedom. If he’s on Megs’ side, he’s questioning if Megatron’s brutality and totalitarianism is really the way to bring peace, even if he does love Megs and believes in Megs’ vision of a more equal Cybertron. There’s a lot of internal conflict that’s very characteristic of Optimus’s and Megatron’s rocky relationship and honestly it’s my crack.

If you actually read all this, *forehead kiss* I love y’all <333 thanks for listening to my half coherent thoughts