#i was gonna add more but i needed to show this-

[reiderwriter]

Satisfaction Feels Like a Distant Memory

Chapter Three of I Can't Help Myself

Summary: Your mounting attraction to Spencer Reid pushes you to the edge, turning begrudging friendship to deep hatred when he finally shows up on your doorstep. He's the only thing that can out you out of your misery even as you sink further into it.

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, hate sex, rough sex, argument as foreplay, oral (f recieving) and face fucking, fingering, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, forced orgasms, "forced" submission, creampie, p in v penetrative sex, etc.

A/N: I've had about as much sleep as the reader in this fic has for the last week, but HERE IT IS! Chapter Three 🥰 You may need a bottle of water on standby, or at least a hand fan, because this one gets a bit heated....

Masterlist || Add yourself to the taglist!

You hesitated in front of your office door, which you supposed was going to become a bad habit of yours now. You tried lying to yourself, that nothing was different now, that you weren't attracted to him in a completely stupid way, but you still stood frozen in front of your own office door. 

Frozen and horny. 

Shit. 

You mentally went through a list of the worst things that could happen if you went in. 

1. He was there. 

2. He wasn't there. 

3. He was there, and he touched you again, and you moaned. 

4. He was there, and he didn't touch you again, but you still moaned. 

5. He was there, and you threw yourself at him immediately because why wouldn't you when you'd seen what you could be working with the night before? Fuck moaning once, moaning multiple times as he pushed you against the bookshelf would- 

“Are you gonna go in, or are you just going to fondle the door handle?” He asked from behind you. From too close behind you. 

You turned, keeping the doorknob in your grin, and immediately flattened yourself against the door as he took a step closer. 

So close. He was so fucking close and it was suddenly all you could think of. 

“W-What?”

“You know, the CDC warns that door handles should be washed every 20 to 40 hours To prevent bacteria like Escherchia coli and Staphylococcus aureus from-” You ignored his words, drowning everything else out as you tried to dampen the fire burning under your skin.

“Cock?” You said, all attempts obviously not working. 

“Staphylococcus, yes. It can cause Adenovirus, Rhinovirus, not to mention-” 

“Okay! Okay, Spencer. Taking my hand off the handle now.” 

Finally, you twisted it and walked backwards into your room, walking backwards a few steps before your foot caught on a stray pile of books. 

“What the-” you cried, waiting for the impact of your landing as you swung out your arms frantically for purchase, screwing your eyes shut as you found none. 

Instead, you found an arm snaked around your waist, another wrapping your hip tight as Spencer Reid cradled your body to his own. 

“Thanks,” you breathed out, not even hearing the words yourself for how much air was in them. How was it possible to expel air and hold your breath at the same time? Because that was how it felt being in his arms: at once a sigh and a stopping of all bodily functions barring want. 

“I thought this was your office, Y/N. Surely you should know the layout by now.”

Moment over. You pushed at his chest to stand upright, and he stepped backwards, removing his hands from your person. 

“Very funny. We both know these are your books. Setting traps for me now, Spencer?” 

You moved around the piles of books again as he flicked the light switch, moving the opposite way around your desks, before meeting you again next to yours. 

“You're usually more observant than this. Is there something wrong today?” 

“What, like Adenovirus or Rhinovirus?” 

“No, like something…” he searched for the right words, pace slowing as he tried not to scare you away by talking with you like this.

“Like something on your mind.” 

You snorted, leaning down to switch on your computer, and also to avoid his eye contact. Unfortunately, academic curiosity had gotten to you in the last few weeks, and you'd read some of his psychological papers. You knew exactly what it was the BAU was apparently so good at, and you didn't want him to know that you'd imagined him balls deep in you hours before. 

“Not friends, Spencer. If there's something I need to talk about, I'll talk to a friend,” you said, standing straight again and turning to him again. You still avoided eye contact, but it didn't matter. His eyes weren't on your face but angled further down, like he'd been checking out your ass as you bent over or something. 

No. No, you weren't going down that train of thought. 

“Or even better, my therapist.” You were planning on the words being a bit more playful, but your voice came out deeper than you expected it, more gravely somehow. 

Your bedroom voice, you were using your stupid fucking bedroom voice on Spencer Reid. 

You cut yourself off again before you said anything else. Before he touched you or didn't touch you, and you got to test your earlier theory about which would be the more demeaning reaction. 

“I have class in ten. Clean up before I get back,” you ordered, and you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up when he replied. 

“I don't take direction well, Y/N.” 

No, you didn't think he would. Neither did you though.

For a week, you tiptoed around the man, your words sharp, but your body weak to him. 

By day, you were hurling insults back and forth, messing up his papers and screwing with him via bookshelf again. 

“YOUR…FLY…IS….OPEN.” 

“VERY….MATURE.”

“MADE…YOU…LOOK…THOUGH.”

“BUSY….LOOKING…AT…OTHER….THINGS.”

“LIKE…THE…UNDERGRADS…THROWING…THEMSELVES…AT…YOU…?”

“LIKE…THE…PROFESSOR…I'M APPARENTLY…DATING” 

“Very fucking funny, Spencer,” you sighed at the last message, throwing the books off the shelf and pilling them up on the floor. 

“Don't even for a second entertain the idea of making that gossip a reality.” 

He grinned at you from behind his desk. 

“Okay.”

“Don't even - don't even think about it,” you said, stepping over his desk and poking at his chest as his smile deepened.

“Heard.” 

“I'm serious, Spencer, don't-” 

“You've thought about it.” You froze in shock at his words, as if your blood wasn't sure whether to run cold or burn hot and fast. 

“What?” You spat the words at him, unable to stop them coming out any other way. 

“You've thought about entertaining the gossip. You've thought about it a lot.” 

You needed to deny him, but he was right. By day, you tried to torment him, but by night, he did torment you. A week of wet dreams, of imagining him taking you over every inch of your office, of sleepless rest and failed orgams, and you could not escape. 

“No,” you said with a whisper, shaking your head and trying again even as your voice cracked from the lie and your body's cry for pleasure, for this man. 

“No, I haven’t- I don't-” You took a deep breath, but you knew it was no good, as his hand grabbed yours and flattened it against his chest. 

“Your pupils are dilated, your pulse is heightened, and your legs are practically clamped shut. Your mouth is dry, and I'm not sure if you've noticed yet, Y/N, but you're shaking.” 

“All signs of anger, Spencer, as you're well aware.” 

He let go of your wrist and sat back in his seat, just out of reach of you again. 

“Shame,” he whispered under his breath, nearly low enough that you didn't catch it, as he flipped open his book and continued whatever the fuck it was he even did in this office. 

You ignored it, anger really flooding you now, warring the heat of arousal that was firmly settled in your body for dominance. 

The anger won out. 

You grabbed books from your desk, files, and papers from the side table by the couch and your laptop from your desk and left the room quickly. 

You slammed the door, and you didn't look back, knowing that if you did, you'd see his winning smirk staring right back at you.

You marched yourself right to the staff administration office and put in for a week of leave. Spencer had one more week of work at the university, and then he would go back to being a regular FBI agent. 

Your paths wouldn't cross because you wouldn't let them cross, not when it meant for certain that you would give in.

You spent the week working to distract yourself from work. You finished books for your next semester courses, highlighting the better articles and essays to use, going through each bibliography to find better sources if they weren't good enough. You wrote more of a research paper you didn't have time to think about with so much going on. You corresponded with students, with TAs, with the other professors who wanted to know where you were. 

Okay, that was a lie. You aired the professors, but you did look out for any inboxes from him. Surprisingly, there were none. 

You spent a week throwing yourself head first into your work, and still, each night, you felt his phantom touch on you. No matter how exhausted, your brain still co jured images of his hands grasping your wrists, pushing them above your head and forcing his cock into you, his lips biting against your skin, the fire of his kisses leaving scars where they trailed down. 

You were running on three hours of sleep per night, sure, but at least you were as far as you could possibly get from the man ruining your life. 

You poured yourself a glass of wine the next Sunday, knowing that when you went back to work the next day, he'd be gone.

You wrapped yourself in blankets and put everything else off for the day, ordering food and eating it and not moving as you worked your way through boxes of pizza. 

It was when you finished your first glass and went to pour yourself another that there was a furious pounding at your door. 

“Y/N, I know you're in there, open the door.” His hand sounded again, and you nearly dropped the glass at the sound of Apencer Reid's voice. 

Your body acted alone, immediately following his directions as you damn near tripped over your own feet to open the door for him. 

Throughout all of your arguments, all of the quips you'd thrown at him, every stupid little thing you'd done to get under his skin, you had not once seen Spencer Reid looking this angry. 

His brow was furrowed uncomfortably, as if it were frozen in place. Gone was his perpetual smirk. 

“Spencer, what the fuck a-” 

“Thoughtless. Careless. Do you even know what you've done?” He snapped at you, stepping into your apartment and closing the door behind himself as he immediately walked into your space and began touching things.

“Stop! Fucking stop it, Spencer!” You said grabbing his arm and pulling him around to face you. He brushed you off quickly and worked his way through papers you'd left on your coffee table. 

“No. You stormed out over a week ago, you blocked my number, you did not answer any of my emails-” 

“I didn't get any emails,” you spit back, pushing yourself between him and your things now, bodies so close they were touching. 

“Then you blocked my email, too. You don't even know what I'm looking for or the damage you could have done, do you?” His hands were on you then, not threateningly, as you'd expect, his anger still burning through him if his shaking voice had anything to say for it. 

His hands stroked up your sides and back down again, smoothing away your need to think. 

“My files. My team sent me a file. It was on the coffee table, and you took it with you when you left. The case is ongoing, and I'm flying out tomorrow, and without some of the classified information in that file, we will be at a disadvantage. Our odds of catching our unsub fall from 83% to 47% without all of the pertinent information.” 

Your breath hitched as he leaned in closer. 

“So yes, I'm going to go through your things, and if you're a good girl, you'll root through with me and help me find it.” 

He stepped away then, and you held your tongue. As much as you hated him, he was right. You knew what he did, you knew who he was and to trust him not to lie to you about his chances without this information. 

“The files on the coffee table are research notes, everything I took from the office is in that case over there,” you said pointing at a bag still where you'd dropped it by the door a week earlier. 

He walked to it and rooted through it quickly before finding the file he obviously needed and letting some of the tension out of his shoulders. 

“You're probably glad to see the back of me, right?” He said, laughing bitterly as he turned back around to you. 

“Obviously not as happy as you are,” you spat back, stepping back over to him. 

“If you ever speak to me that way again,” you started, spitting at him in the most threatening voice you could muster. “It won't be a fucking unsub that ruins your life.” 

“And how are you going to manage that, Y/N?” He said, stepping closer to you until he had you backed up against the wall, trapped in by his bigger frame, using it to his advantage to intimidate. 

“How will you manage to ruin my life,” he said, his voice softer as he finished his sentence, but not by much. “When you shake with just every time I get close?” 

“This is not lust,” you growled the words out, but try as you damn might, you were shaking, vibrating even. 

“Then what is it?” 

“Hatred, dislike, loathing, detestation, abhorrence, fuck Spencer, you can pick up a thesaurus yourself and find out.”

“Yeah. Okay. I'll believe your lies for a second.” He walked away, he was walking away but the fire was ringing in your ears and you needed him to stay fucking put so he could take it all. 

“You're a jackass.”

“Original.” 

“You slammed into my life, expecting me to bend to your will and be at the mercy of your needs, your wants. Your office space, your fucking case files, your job-” 

“None of that was my choice.” 

“And it wasn't mine either, but at least I fucking left you alone. I spent the week in this apartment and left you the fuck alone, and you couldn't even allow me the same.”

His focus was back on you again, but you refused to be backed against a wall this time. 

“What did you say?” 

“You will not let me know peace. I have lost my security, my patience, my fucking sanity with each word you have said, my peace of mind, my sleep, my fucking sanity, Spencer.” Your chest was heaving, touching his with each exhale as he too held his place in front of you. He was so close, you'd practically spat the words directly into his mouth. 

“How is that my fault?” He whispered, voice still dripping with disdain even as his hands again wrapped themselves in your hair, and he tugged your head back, baring your neck to him as he leaned down into you. 

“How do you know that you're not doing the same to me?” 

You refused to answer, though, meeting his eyes for one last second before you grabbed his hair in your hands and yanked him down to your mouth. 

It wasn't so much a kiss as a battle for dominance, each trying to torture a surrender from the other with clashing tongues and teeth. 

You made the first move, but he was obviously expecting it, and he didn't even pause before launching his own attack, finally pushing past your strong defence to walk you back to the sofa you'd abandoned earlier. 

His tongue still lashed against yours as you retreated, refusing to give up your upper hand even as you moaned into his touch. The couch hit the back of your knees, buckling, and you silently cursed your lack of sleep for leaving you so unstable right now. 

No, that wasn't true. It was him. He had left you so unstable, moving between happy and playful to angry and wrathful in the space of a week without you, and you'd been denying yourself the ability to even entertain any of this happening. Now that it was, your body was unprepared, totally at his mercy, as he pushed you to your back and pushed up your skirt. 

“You're already so fucking wet,” he groaned slipping two fingers inside you as you moaned around him, no longer capable of thought. This was the moment, this was when he was going to make you submit to him finally. 

Instead, he dropped to his knees and you gasped as his to guess found your sweet cunt and he began sucking to your clit. 

You were on fire, skin scorched from the inside out, spreading in waves from your pussy to the furthest regions of your body. 

With one hand, he spread your thighs further apart and pushed his entire face further into your cunt, tongue pushing inside right by his fingers, nose pushed right up against your clit as he didn't relent. Every movement was another curse falling from your mouth. 

“Shit, Spencer, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you whimpered, hips rocking back and forth as you tried to fuck his face, begging for more. 

To your surprise, he didn't keep your hips still but let you keep riding his face, riding his fingers as you chased your first orgasm.  

It came quickly, overwhelming you with the impact, jolting through your body like a lightning bolt as he let your hips shake and crash across his tongue. 

When he finally pulled his face away, it was glistening, and he wasted no time shoving his tongue back in your mouth. His message was clear - he may have let you take whatever pleasure you'd wanted with him, but he was still the one in control. 

You trailed kisses along his cheeks, neck, shoulders as he divested himself of clothing, shirt, belt, pants, ripping at yours to free your body as well, until the two of you were only left with underwear and you'd picked up every last drop of your cum left on his skin.

“On your back, now,” he said, and you complied. You spread your legs, and rubbed at your still wet cunt, jolting as he finally lined himself up with your cunt. 

But he didn't push in yet. Instead he wrapped two arms under your knees and pulled you closer, so his cock rested over the top of your stomach, and leaned down, his face hovering inches over your own, holding himself up with a forearm rested just above your head. 

“You see that?” He said, glancing down. “That is how much I am going to fill you. That is how deep I am going to ease into you. That is how far I am going to go to claim you. You can take it like a good girl, right?” 

“Just shut up and put your cock inside me, Spencer.” 

“You're so fucking pushy for a submissive little slut,” he said, smiling finally. 

“I am not a-” you started to protest, but he slid inside of your hot cunt and you lost the ability to focus. 

“Not a what, Y/N? Speak up,” thrusting shallowly as your cunt grabbed him and held tight. 

“I'm not a- SPENCER!” You screamed his name as he pulled out quickly, thrusting into you again with a speed and strength that had you wrapping your arms and legs around him tightly, fighting for him to stay right there deep inside. 

“Not a sub? Y/N, you're whimpering and drooling right now. You're three seconds away from begging for my cock, why the fuck can you not be honest with yourself?” 

“Fuck…you,” you said between moans as he rutted into you like a beast. He wasn't man anymore, bit monster, and he was claiming you inch by disgustingly perfect inch. 

“Let go. Let me take care of you, let me control you. Come on, baby, you know how good it would feel,” he said, before ducking his head and wrapping his tongue around a nipple. 

You screamed his name again, but you still tried to resist. 

“Come on, Y/N. Show me. Cum on my cock.” 

For a brief moment, you'd thought you'd resisted the demand. But then your brain faded, and your nails cut into his back like daggers as your body followed his commands and you came on his cock for a second time that night. 

“Perfect. One more, you can do one more,” he said, kissing your lips and lifting himself back up so he was sitting on his knees as he again picked up the pace. 

You mumbled his name over and over again as he fucked out all of the frustration in your body. Every thing either of you had said or done melted away in the glow of pleasure, your body buzzing from the feeling of him taking ownership of you. 

“One more, Y/N. One more, you need to cum one more time.”

“I can't, I can't I can't I can't, Spencer I can't I really can't,” you said, voice growing pathetically whiny as the tears sprang to your eyes and you choked back a sob. 

“Yes you can, one more. Together, we can do it together,” he said, groaning as you clenched around him.” 

He claimed your mouth again, his hand wrapping around your throat as he cut off your air supply for a second, then two, then three, as your ears buzzed and you finally slipped over the edge again. 

But this time, as promised, you weren't the only one caught in the pain of pleasure. Spencer collapsed on top of you as his dick spurted inside you, holding you close as he unloaded everything he had into you. 

He sat there, warming his cock as he lazily kissed open mouth kisses into every inch of your shoulders, collar bone and chest. Everywhere he could reach without pulling out of you and leaving you there. 

After weeks of no sleep because of him, it was his soft lips that finally enticed you into the hands of the sandman, his weight a comfort as you closed your eyes. 

When you woke in your bed, clean and clothed, he was gone, and so was every sign that he'd ever been there in the first place. 

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[gloomwitchwrites]

Secret relationship and they find out you're being transferred to a different team.

Anon...how DARE you. But really, the angst that this prompt is giving is everything. I want to warn readers now that I was not nice with this one. There is a lot of angst happening here. There is nothing spicy about it. It's all pain with a little comfort sprinkled in for a few of our boys.

(Sorry not sorry)

These are presented in four individual double drabbles.

Content & Warnings: angst, mild emotional hurt/comfort, secret relationships, yearning, heartbreak, 141!reader

ao3 // taglist // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist

John "Soap" MacTavish

“We’ve got two weeks!”

“Soap.”

“Can you believe that?”

“Johnny.”

Soap’s smile remains but melts slightly. “What?”

“I’m leaving.”

He chuckles. “We both are.”

You shake your head. “No. I’m leaving the team.”

Soap frowns slightly. “Retirement?” He shrugs. “Seem a bit young.” That smile returns and he saunters forward, his large hands grasping your hips. “Means we can go public.”

He leans in for a kiss, but your heart isn’t in it. Soap realizes the reluctance the moment your lips meet. “It’s something else,” he says.

You nod because that is all you can manage. Originally, Captain Price said he wanted to tell the team together, but he doesn’t know about you and Johnny. Soap needs to know first before the rest. If not, it’ll come as a blow and a betrayal. You can’t do that to him no matter what Captain Price says.

“I’m being transferred,” you murmur, voice breaking slightly.

Soap does not retreat. He rests his forehead against your own, eyes closing as he inhales. His arms slide from your hips to your back, drawing you against him.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

“We’ll figure it out,” he says rubbing your back. “We’ll figure it out together.”

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

Kyle enters the meeting room. It’s the last one before everyone breaks for a month.

But there is someone missing.

Laswell and Captain Price talk quietly, their heads bent in conversation. Soap is showing something to Ghost on his phone.

You are not among them. You are not in your usual spot.

Laswell glances up and Price clears his throat. “We can start.”

“Hold up, Captain. We’re missing one.”

Kyle gestures toward the chair you usually sit in and Price frowns.

“Transferred on another mission,” interrupts Laswell.

Kyle says nothing, sinking into his chair. He listens but most of it slips right out of his head. The only thing he can think about is that you’re not here and you didn’t say anything.

When Laswell and Price are finished, and everyone begins to exit, Kyle lingers, intent on talking to Price.

“Not gonna talk about our missing team member?”

“Nothing to say,” shrugs Price. “Transferred this morning.”

Kyle swallows down the emotion rising in his throat. No one knows about the two of you, and if he pushes too much, he might reveal something he shouldn’t.

“Coming back?” asks Kyle.

“Eventually,” answers Price. “Not sure when.”

Eventually. There’s hope then.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

“You’re leaving.”

“Simon.”

“Did you plan on telling me?” You remain silent and Simon shakes his head. “Waiting for Price to do it?”

“That’s not true.”

Simon takes a step forward, entering your space. “I saw the transfer on his desk. I saw the date. How long have you known?”

“Does that matter?” you ask.

“Of course it does,” he snaps.

Simon is never angry, not with you. His anger is subtle which makes it more terrifying. This is something else. Simon is hurt, and you’re the cause of it.

“I’m sorry you found out like this. I planned on telling you.”

“When?” He’s closer now, towering over you.

“When I had more information.”

“More information?”

“I don’t know where I’m going or with who,” you add.

“Might not tell you until you get there. Happens all the time.”

You understand his meaning and know that Simon is right. Would you have left without telling him anything, only saying something once you’d left?

No. This thing between you might be tangled but he is the only one you want.

“Are you upset?” you ask.

Simon deflates. “Not with you.” He tugs you against him, creating a cocoon of warmth. “Never.”

John Price

The transfer papers mockingly stare at Price.

All this time, he believed he could have you without repercussion. Didn’t matter that you were another member of the team and his subordinate. You were his, and Price could protect you.

But these papers came from someone above him, and he cannot refuse them. No matter how much he wants to.

And no one knows what the two of you do when there isn’t anyone looking. But now, that’s shattered. Broken. And Price must grieve for your departure in silence. Price has already raged. He punched the wall until his knuckles bled.

After that, he walked until he came to terms with it.

You don’t know yet. You have no idea. Telling you will be the hardest part. What will happen? How will the two of you move forward? Can the secrets remain, or will it all need to be out in the open?

Price sighs and runs his hands over his face.

This is a punishment. Must be. Why else is it happening?

There is a loud knock at the door. Again, Price sighs, knowing that he has to face the reality of the situation.

You are on the other side.

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[myfairstarlight]

An Ode To Friends to Lovers - Colin and Penelope's story

Fine, I give in.

As someone who considers themself more of a casual viewer (as in, I've never engaged in the fandom before), I went into this new season with mild interest. And then I fell down the rabbit hole. I should have suspected it though, Friends to Lovers is a trope I affectionate particularly when it comes to romance, unfortunately one I very rarely think is done well. So I was still skeptical going in.

But by God, did they deliver on that front and I need to break it down and talk about it. So I guess this is my review of Bridgerton s3, part 1.

Under the cut though, because this is gonna be a long one (seriously, this is a warning).

I don't particularly think Bridgerton is a complex show, and one can argue all day about whether it is even good (in my eyes, as long as it's entertaining, I don't care if a show is "good"), however, the number of takes I've seen online not understanding basic story-telling worries me a bit.

Don't get me wrong, I agree this first half has pacing issues but I do not think Penelope's and Colin's love story suffered that much, it did not feel rushed to me since we already knew these characters for two whole seasons (and I maintain Colin has always had more depths than what people pretend he does, it seems like, just like the ton, viewers like to overlook him and just characterise him as naive).

And I guess this long ass post was born in the process. So:

Part One: Penelope's glow up

Yes I'm starting by looking at them individually first. I think this post on reddit sums it up so perfectly. I get we're all joking about how unrealistic it is that no man was ever interested in Penelope despite how she looks like an absolute goddess (and I maintain she was the cutest in both previous seasons as well!) - unfortunately it is realistic. That's the reality of bullying, it doesn't get solved by a glow up. Even her association with the Bridgertons through Eloise and Colin did not lessen the bullying, so without them? Even the prettiest dresses would not have changed the ton's perception of her, and she's still the awkward, anxious girl she's always been, and unfortunately, most of these men are not attracted to that. It's not satisfying, she doesn't get her triumphant revenge on a society that always ostracised her - and I think it's important that she does not. That she accepts it. She should not have to change for a ton that will not change for the better either. And it's a lesson she learns quickly - someone will love her for who she is, pretending will only lead to misery. And, it is when she's being herself that she successfully gets the interest of some gentlemen (shout out to Lord Remington! I was so hoping we would be seeing more of him on top of Debling. He's such a Whistledown fan I thought that even after the whole lesson reveal scandal he would have stuck to call on Penelope the next day to gossip together, it would have been cute but I guess he too wanted to avoid being written about) (also I'm just saying in fics he should be the one considered as a proper other suitor for Pen since they seemed to have a genuine connection, meanwhile Debling was really searching for practicality).

The thing I wanna add to that post is this: despite all that, she decided to change her looks for herself. When I first learned of the plot of this season, Colin helping her find a husband, I was scared it would mean Colin would be the one to tell her to have a makeover. It doesn't happen. Sure, Penelope subconsciously requests for a more Parisian style for her new dresses because it is the last place Colin went to, but by that point she has already given up on him. She wants something new, and to feel good in herself. That's how she blooms, by finding a style that she feels comfortable in, finally free from her mother's horrendous tastes. That's what allows her to be more confident as well, the new looks and her motivation to move on from her "unrequited fantasy". As for Colin? He never comments on her change, he compliments her dress (and mind you, that is when he's trying to play up the charm because he knows she's upset with him and he gets humbled, hard) but he never says it looks better on her than what she wore before, he never has a "I never realised how beautiful you were" moment we see a bit too often in friends to lovers stories, because to him she's still his Pen, new dresses, new hairstyles, but the same Pen he's always loved, even if he didn't realise to what extent yet.

But Penelope's confidence... is not quite there yet. Difficult to be, when she's grown up in a loveless home, with horrible sisters, a father who barely cared and a mother who constantly puts her down. Whenever she gets a compliment, her first reaction is "ah, it must be a joke" - that isn't even exclusive to Colin, in the brief interaction between Edwina and Penelope, when Edwina compliments her dress, Penelope also dismisses it. And then, there's Colin, who is always oh so honest with her and does not shy away from praising her. But I'll touch more on that later.

Part Two: Colin's new self.

And then we have the opposite: Colin showing up with a new attitude, and succeeding at it (well, on the surface). Something I haven't seen people bring up a lot though is that he's already tried a new look in s2, and he got mocked for it. The only one who didn't? Penelope. Why didn't he try to emulate being a rake back then? Because Penelope's letters grounded him, he admits it himself. It's seeing himself through Penelope's letters that gave him confidence. But that kind of confidence was not enough in the ton's eyes, and on top of that, between s2 and s3, this time Penelope doesn't write back, and neither do his family. He grows insecure, he's lost the one person who kept him grounded, he thinks his family is annoyed with him, and he still is in search of a purpose, so what does he do? He clings to Anthony's words in s1 after the disaster that was his engagement with Marina: he's too green, time to "fix" that and be more like his big brothers. They got it together, they know their purpose (well, Benedict lost his again but that's a story for another day), so surely, if he acts more like them, and not like the sensitive and naive boy he was, then surely everything will be alright! Right? Note that as opposed to s2, where he kept talking about his travels and it annoyed everyone, in s3 he doesn't go into details about them anymore, even when he's asked. They're only interested in the company he kept during the travels rather than the sights he saw. And honestly, it was heartbreaking to see right away how much of himself he was holding back, even with his own family. Penelope, however, gets the details without even asking because he already knows she likes hearing him talk about them and she makes him comfortable, and he's fully aware of that when he apologises in s3e1.

(I also want to note that, even if this new persona is fake, his new style genuinely fits him better. Just like Penelope, this season Colin found the style that makes him feel good and confident.)

And here's where I need to praise Luke's acting for a bit, because he absolutely nailed the subtle way Colin behaves differently with Penelope vs everyone else. His voice is softer, he is effortlessly charming (I was kicking my feet when he recalled how they met), his smile is bigger, even his whole face looks more relaxed whenever Penelope is around, meanwhile he always appears stiff and like he's calculating his every move when around his "friends". In fact, it is in the carriage scene we finally truly see s1&2's Colin back. When he has that look on his face, as he decides right there and then he's gonna marry her, and then a second later when he asks the question, his face. By God, his eyes are sparkling, he's so happy, and he looks as youthful and carefree as he did in previous seasons, far are the thoughts of trying to fit in a society that he hates.

Because above all, these two know and understand each other in a way no one else in their lives does. And that is a fact that remains despite the outward changes. So yes, I liked that their dynamic did not shift to romance because of their "glow ups", but because they are spending even more time together now. Speaking of which:

Part Three: Authenticity and Vulnerability

One big theme this season is being true to oneself. It's no coincidence mirrors are such a big part of it (even outside of the yet to be seen spicy scene), because looking at a mirror means looking at oneself, and be vulnerable. If s2 was about duty vs heart, eldest siblings trying to do right by their family to the point of self-sabotage, s3 is a battle between the head and the heart. It is not even exclusive to Polin - Eloise is learning and growing by trying to take genuine part in society but struggling to fit in. Cressida wants to become a better person, torn between the pressure put on her shoulders by her parents and this new friendship with Eloise. Benedict is looking for his purpose after learning Anthony paid his way to art school, and feeling like a fraud as an artist. Anthony and Kate are unashamedly in love, as they deserve to be after the struggles they went through last season. Francesca has no care for the suitors the Queen and her mother parade in front of her as the "sparkler" of the season (sidenote but I hated that, stupid name, should have stuck to diamond or select another gem) as her heart seeks out the handsome and quiet John Sterling instead. And this will continue in part 2, as Penelope will have to be honest about Lady Whistledown (because she's always her most authentic self around Colin, there is still this big secret she is so determined to keep to herself, when she should not).

The beauty about friends to lovers stories to me is the small declarations of love sprinkled throughout the relationship. It's about the trust already built in with no expectations and the vulnerability we'd never allow anyone but our closest friends to see, something even our family can be ignorant to. I mentioned earlier that Colin never shies away from praising Penelope, way before their dynamic shifts to lovers. He tells her she's good, constant, loyal, special, warm. All of these are declarations of love, even if not with romantic intent, it's about showing his appreciation for her, for the role she holds in his life. And Penelope responds in kind as well. That is why I believe people who think the romance was rushed in s3 either did not watch the past two seasons or see friendship and romantic love as two distinct things rather than a cohesive continuation of each other. In s1, people focus so much on the Marina stuff, as if that cancels out Colin's friendship with Penelope. We still do see Colin actively seek out Penelope at balls, and defending her against Cressida, he compliments her and tells her she's the one who inspired him to travel. Then s2 rolls in, and they're exchanging letters, which will become the cataclysm for their dynamic changing later on. And then there's one of my favourite scenes with them: them talking about their purpose. They both open up here, Colin about his insecurity, Penelope about her dream, it is so intimate. And then, there's of course Colin protecting the Featheringtons from ruins. I'm mostly emphasising Colin's actions, because Penelope's crush on him was always in your face, and while Colin may not have realised it yet, he's always cared about Penelope in a special way, as manifested by his actions and how vulnerable he allows himself to be around her, when even his own family has no idea about what's going on inside his head.

There's a misconception that Colin calling her his friend was him rejecting her, and yet we see in s3 he had no idea whatsoever that she has a crush on him, so he could not lead her on (unlike his book counterpart, who was aware of Penelope's infatuation and was careful never to toe the line until he realised his feelings. Show Colin though? Completely oblivious. And it makes sense, he's still young.) He asks Violet "how do you know it was reciprocated" and not "how do you know you're in love with your best friend". As of right now at the end of part 1, he genuinely thinks he's the one who fell in love first, or at least realised it first. His "You're Pen, you do not count, you're my friend" in s2, was not a rejection in his eyes, but a declaration of love; he's forsaken love and women but not his Penelope, never her, she's his exception And it's not like Penelope resented him for that friendship he so readily gave her, yes she had a crush, but she was proud to call him her friend! He was, with Eloise, her solace away from her family. At the end of the day, this is a friends to lovers story, it is silly to get upset that they considered themselves friends first before there is a click as they realise they are now on the same page to shift their relationship.

Side note but I've never liked the term "friendzoned" because it makes it sound like being friends is a bad thing. I've had unrequited feelings before but I've always felt grateful that being friends with them allowed me to stay close to them even if I knew nothing else could happen. I was still very much happy and content. But maybe I'm projecting on Penelope and that's another debate.

See, what I ended up loving about the lesson plot, which I was so wary of at first, is that Colin barely teaches Penelope anything. At first, he goes for the "do what society expects women to do" (since it worked for him) but then she acts awkwardly, she can't fake it, and it surprises him for a moment. That's when it clicks for him, she just needs to be comfortable because with him, she's always smart, witty and charming, she's herself. He's always seen her that way, and he did not quite realise he had that privilege in the first place. And I love how we see him slowly realise it is no longer a privilege thanks to his help. We see it in e2. When she talks to the guy with the dead horse (forgot his name, oops), Penelope forces the flirt and Colin is amused by it. Fast forward Penelope approaching Lord Remington by herself, without Colin's initiative, and she's being more authentic, and suddenly Jealous by Nick Jonas plays in the background and Colin doesn't look proud, but apprehensive, or dare I say jealous. The shift in Colin's head happens long before Debling is in the picture. I'd argue it already shifted earlier in that episode, in his study, which he flashbacks to in e4.

His journals detail how unfulfilled he feels when he lays with random women in his travels. He longs for emotional intimacy. And guess with who he finally finds that, when a certain red-head asks the one question that allows them to break the physical barrier they had to keep between them for the sake of propriety?

Ah yes, that first kiss. To Colin, everything has been building up to this, this is his true Oh moment. A favour turned into a revelation. For Penelope, this is quite literally the end of her fantasies. This is Penelope's most vulnerable moment. She bares her heart, she's sad, she's desperate. And some people have been calling that moment pathetic, interpreting it as her being weak and giving in to her crush again, saying that she should not have to beg for that man's affection. I concur that she is brave, and bold. I also concur that some of you all are a bit too attached to the girlboss archetype forgetting that allowing oneself to be vulnerable is also a strength. She's never had to beg for Colin's attention anyway because he readily gives it to her, but in this one instance, for once in her life, she is truly being honest. In her head, she has nothing else to lose, and she wants to experience the one thing she thinks she can never have so of course she's gonna turn to the one person she's always trusted and feels the most comfortable with, because before her crush, Colin is her friend. She's asking a favour from a friend. And then she can move on, whatever "moving on" will turn out to be. In this instance, she has the power in her hands.

And it is her bravery that is the true cataclysm for things to change properly. Of course, things have already started to change the moment she stopped replying to the letters, but that moment really expedited their relationship.

Part Four: Lovers, but in a best friends way

The thing with Bridgerton, in the books or in the show, is that each couple has their trope. This is not news to anyone, I think. We've had fake dating, and enemies to lovers, and one characteristic that these two tropes share is a growing tension between the characters before it snaps. There is a reason the early marketing for s3 focused on Penelope being cold towards Colin, tension and conflict are more appealing on the surface. And then the first half of the season comes out and that conflict between our main couple? Solved after one episode because they did one thing that is severely missing in most romance dramas: communicated healthily. Penelope laid out why she was upset (although she does not stay to let Colin explain and then vents out her feelings in Whistledown... she still has some learning to do), Colin immediately went to apologise and make up for it. All of this by talking. And yet I'd argue friends to lovers still has its own tension, just not to the same intensity as the other two, and more difficult to market. The tension comes from the brewing feelings, the way you start seeing every touch, every interaction, in a whole new light, and wondering if it's only in your head or if it's reciprocated. But now combine that with Colin who's always been so earnest about his feelings with Penelope? And Penelope who's always quietly wanted their relationship to evolve that way? Of course they figured it out quickly and got together in half a season. And I'm delighted that we will see them handle the whole Whistledown mess as a couple, as two people aware they love each other deeply, which gives a whole new meaning to the conflict compared to the book where I felt like it was brushed over a bit too quickly (because they got distracted in that carriage). It is the last secret between them, their last obstacle.

I also do not like the "Colin should have grovelled and pined more" argument, when he is the one who insisted on the lessons to help her find a husband in the first place, and then has to face the fact that actually, he doesn't like the idea of another man taking Penelope away, and oh, isn't that the consequences of his own actions? He is grovelling, you just don't see Penelope holding it over his head, because that's not the person she is, this is not a revenge fantasy story, in fact she does not realise the power she has on him because she is used to Colin seeking her out. I like that he didn't stew on his feelings and decided to act on them right away. I also don't like how this whole grovelling thing makes it sound like love is a competition, that just because Penelope has known she's been in love for longer and "suffered" longer, that means Colin needs to do the same to even the planes. Because in my eyes love isn't exactly something to be earned — it is given. Now, are you worthy to keep it? To nurture it and make it bloom and last? That is the real question.

Admittedly, since this is only the first half of the season, we do not see them in a romantic setting a lot. That first half is focused on them rekindling their friendship lost during the summer when Penelope stopped responding to the letters, and Colin having the realisation he cannot live without his best friend, not just because she is his best friend, but also because he loves her. But we do have two important, and obvious instances.

So let's talk about that first kiss again. It is, in my opinion, one of the most gentle and romantic moments in the show so far and also showcased their friendship really well. Colin trying to joke to lighten the mood as Penelope spirals down (peak best friend behaviour actually), the gentle, swelling music, the light of the moon, Colin's deep exhale of realisation as he holds her face when he goes back in for the second kiss, with the furrowed brows of a man on a mission. This is Penelope's most vulnerable moment and Colin's big realisation. And I felt like I was intruding.

And same goes for that carriage scene, but even before they go at it; now this is Colin's most vulnerable moment, and Penelope's realisation that they can be more. He chases the carriage by foot, then goes on his knees to confess his feelings to his best friend in the softest and most determined voice we've ever heard him use this whole season, eyes wide, tears threatening to fall as it is his turn to bare his heart and ask for a chance. Meanwhile Penelope takes it all in, running her hand through his hair because she can finally touch him, melting under him. Things get steamy. And then... and then... The carriage stops, they get startled, Colin jokes that the driver should have kept on driving and then... they laugh. They just made out, and went to second base together, and yet here they are now, laughing. It is such a genuine and lovely moment. And it's then that Colin has that look in his eyes, that "I'm gonna marry her" look. That is when he realises he cannot live his life without her. That his purpose is now right in front of him: making Penelope Featherington, soon to be Bridgerton, laugh until the end of their lives.

Conclusion

There's no conclusion, I just love them so dearly. Yes, there still is the whole Whistledown mess to deal with and sure, the argument with Eloise may make you think great angst is ahead but if there is one big difference between Colin and Eloise, it is this: Colin has always listened to Penelope, and this is not a diss on Eloise. Eloise, bless her heart, can be pretty self-centred, she's loud and a bit immature, something she is growing from in s3, and you cannot ignore that she did not really listen to Penelope (she has no idea Penelope wishes to marry when Penelope tells her she does in s1, we can blame the writing, but I do think it fits with Eloise's journey to realising how privileged and dismissive she is. Penelope was too polite to call her out until their falling out. Meanwhile Cressida is exactly the type of honesty she needs for a wake up call). Colin, on the other hand, is very sensitive and a good listener. Furthermore, this season, Penelope is learning to be more confident, to voice what she wants, and I like to think it is leading to her finding her own voice and not needing Whistledown to hide behind anymore. If there's someone with whom she has no filters, it is Colin, so I have faith that when the reveal happens and an argument breaks out, this new Penelope will not back down and will lay out all her reasons and all her regrets, and Colin may be stubborn, but he loves that woman and he always listens.

A part of me also wishes they keep the jealousy he felt about her writing in the book, and that they don't focus just on the whole "you lied to me" aspect (we've already had that with Eloise). How he, himself, is insecure about his writing, and here Penelope is, less fortunate than he is, and yet who did have the courage to get her writing out there, even if publishing under another name. Because that is also a reality in relationships, when your partner is at a different stage in their career, and how they can communicate to support one another.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now (as if that isn't what I've been doing this whole time). I like them. A little. Just a bit. I'm very normal about them <3

[pennylanefics]

Tree House - Seth Jarvis

a/n: this turned out so much longer than i was expecting but ahhhh i love it!! it's so soft and some parts hurt my heart, and i finished it at like 1:40 in the morning when i needed to be sleeping but oh well !!

summary: seth takes you back to winnipeg for a visit and you come across an old tree house he spent a lot of time in

word count: ~2.3k

Ever since you first started dating, Seth wanted to take you back to Winnipeg with him for a week, just to show you where he grew up and the places frequented up until he was drafted. It was a dream of his to be able to share that side of him with you, and finally, the time had come.

With the offseason just starting, and in the only bit of free time that he had until he had to start practice every few days, he booked a trip up to Canada, renting out a nice little Airbnb in a location he knows pretty well, that’s slightly secluded with a beautiful view of the mountains in the distance.

He had the entire trip planned, even down to where you’d be having dinner each day, one of which he was taking you to his parents house, since his mom wanted to cook for you, and a couple days you would be going to his favorite restaurants; other days included ordering in and having a romantic date night inside.

It was a smooth trip so far, the flight was longer than you were expecting, Seth let you sleep on his shoulder for a majority of it, but when you finally landed, you were in awe of the sights already.

It was a country you’ve always wanted to visit, and now, you were right in the heart of Winnipeg, your boyfriend’s hometown, which made it all the more special.

“That over there is where I was skateboarding with some friends and wiped out. Got a nasty scrape on my elbow,” Seth points out to a spot in the middle of a park. He had ordered an uber to drive you to his parents house, who would then drive you out to your rental for the week.

They offered you to stay with them, but Seth was insistent on having time with you, alone, something he didn’t really want to tell his own mother. So he played it off as best as he could without being too over-the-top, basically explaining the simple version, that you were on a vacation together and wanted a space to yourselves.

When you arrive at his family’s house, his mother welcomes you in with open arms, asking how your flight was and wondering if you needed anything. You’ve met her plenty of times already, but this was a first, to be meeting her at her home; it felt different, but a good different.

After lots of conversations and catching up between the five of you, his dad loads your suitcases into their car, Seth’s brother hopping in his own and following behind; since you were borrowing their car for the week, his dad would need a ride back

A couple hours later, you and Seth have finally settled into bed, a movie playing in the background on the tv, but neither of you paying a single ounce of attention to it.

“What kind of plans do you have for us tomorrow, huh?” You ask, tracing your finger along his bare chest. He laughs softly and trails his own hand up and down your back.

“I thought we could do some sightseeing, you know, driving around to see my old schools, the rink I used to play at, maybe even pay the kids there a visit.”

“That sounds lovely,” you sigh.

“And I’m gonna take you to my favorite restaurant I always have to eat at when I’m back home,” he adds. ��So we’ll go there for lunch after we wake up, and then drive around. There’s not really a ton to do, but it’s beautiful.”

“It has been so far, I can imagine what it’s like during the winter.”

“Gorgeous. Maybe we’ll come back for Christmas, it’s a magical place around then.”

You continue talking until you end up falling asleep before Seth, who remains awake, scrolling through his phone, his usual night owl tendencies not changing one bit.

The following day, after having a lovely lunch at Seth’s favorite restaurant, which you very much enjoyed, Seth exits the parking lot and starts driving around, knowing the area like the back of his hand, navigating so easily.

“So, over there,” he points to a small ice cream shop, “is where I was punched by some kid in seventh grade. He was saying all kinds of shit about me and my friends, so I stepped up, and he ended up socking me. The owner of the shop banned him for life from the premises, it was really fun to watch.”

“Oh god,” you laugh, looking at the shop a little closer now that you are stopped at a red light near it. “Is it any good?”

“They’re the best, they have the smoothest concretes. We’ll go there later today. Right now, we’re gonna head to the rink and surprise some kids. I hope that’s alright,” he looks over at you, a hint of worry evident in his tone and his expression.

“Yeah, it is. I can skate around for a little bit on my own while you teach them your great wisdom and knowledge.” Seth laughs and shakes his head, making a left turn into a parking lot.

You follow him inside and head right over to the skate rental booth, quickly getting into your own skates. Seth helps you tie yours, as he’s mastered the art of doing so, and helps you stand, walking over to where the entrance is.

Immediately, he is recognized, kids skating over to him, their eyes blown wide with shock and awe. Seth’s smile was so huge, greeting all the kids around him and giving all of them high fives. You grin a little and skate off in the opposite direction, giving him time to meet with them and allow them to pick his brain on certain things.

You make a couple trips around the rink, humming quietly to yourself to the music that was playing over the speakers not too loudly. Seth, even while talking to the kids and listening closely to them, still managed to look over at you every once in a while, wherever you were on the ice, just to make sure you were doing okay.

Deep down, he felt terrible for parting from you like this, but he always had to give back to the community that helped him get to where he was at, and he was very thankful that you were understanding of it all; in the back of his mind, he had ideas on how to make it up to you later tonight.

His little impromptu question and answer-mixed-meet and greet came to an end about an hour later, and you had been waiting in the stands for him, having left the ice halfway through, opting to read a book on your phone while the sounds of sticks smacking the ice and pucks hitting the boards filled the air.

Seth returns his skates and finds you, taking your hand and helping you up.

“Ready? I believe we have plans to find a secret spot that I haven’t visited in years,” he says, leading you out of the building and to his car.

“And where would that be?” You question, sliding into the passenger seat and buckling up.

“My old treehouse.”

He starts driving back near his house, turning into his subdivision and driving a little ways past where his house is. He comes up to the end of the street and parks on the side of the road, no houses around the space.

“Uh, are we going into the woods?” You ask, stepping out of the car and around to his side.

“Oh no. It’s just right on the edge over here. It’s not even woods, it’s just a small clearing that then leads to more houses in the back. No one owns this area, so my dad helped me and my friends build this little hideout, because we all lived on this street.”

He guides you through a little patch of trees, stopping at what appears to be a small hut in the middle of them. And he was right, because through the trees in front of you, you could clearly see another part of the subdivision, what appears to be someone’s backyard fence.

“This is where we’d come on bad days at school, or after tough losses at our games, we’d come and play video games on our DS’s, or we’d talk shit about people.”

“Ever gossip about girls you liked?” You nudge him playfully, and his face turns red, giving his answer away instantly, even if he tried to lie.

“We were boys, of course we were going to talk about that kinda stuff.” A gleeful laugh escapes your lips as Seth steps inside, sitting down on the ground. He pulls you down to sit between his legs, your back resting against his chest, his arms around your midsection and holding your hands in his.

“I tried not to be out here at night because it scared me, but some days, when I needed to get away from everything and everyone, I’d come here.” His tone was very soft and reminiscent of his childhood safe space. Looking around, you notice a ton of writing on the walls and ceiling, getting lost in all of the print from him and his friends.

“It seems like a great place to clear your mind,” you comment, chuckling as you find Seth’s large handwriting on the ceiling. Upon realizing what it says, your heart soars and you smile widely, feeling proud of your lover.

In his handwriting, it reads, ‘I will be in the NHL one day’. He sees you reading it and looks up with you, sighing a little.

“We all wrote our dreams up there. Mine was to be in the NHL, Darryl’s was to be a firefighter, Reese wanted to create a video game, and Matty wanted to become an FBI agent.” Your eyes scan over the four names and wishes written around Seth’s.

“Did they all achieve what they wrote?” Your eyes flicker to his brown eyes, pausing your reading of all the silly stuff him and his friends wrote every time they were in there.

“Darryl did become a firefighter, Reese, I believe, is still in college for game development and design, as well as animation, and Matty went into the military after high school. I forget which branch, but I do know he’s been rather successful there.”

“So writing your dreams out led them to becoming real,” you state, looking back up at it. Seth was overcome with emotion, tears filling his eyes as he thinks back to the moment that he wrote that. He never once believed it would actually happen, but here he is.

“Yeah,” he chokes out, clearing his throat a little.

This was a whole new side of Seth. He’s always been the funny one, cracking jokes or flirting with you, or his friends in a playful manner, but there are times where he lets his guard down, and for some reason, being back in this space has brought back so many memories and feelings.

“I remember being in here countless days by myself, laying on the ground, staring up at the ceiling; that was the first thing we wrote in here. So every time I saw it, I would imagine what it would be like to score the game-winning goal of the Stanley Cup. Every move I would make, even thinking of players I’d dreamed of playing with, what kind of passes I would make with them. Scoring that final goal that would give us the lead and secure the win. And…now I get to live that dream every day. Well, not in the Stanley Cup, however, hopefully sometime during my career. But I still get to have those moments, just in less high-stake games.”

You listen to him as he speaks, gazing up at him as he does. He was staring straight forward, his fingers playing with yours as he speaks, a comforting action he does when he gets nervous.

“And it led me to you,” his head turns down to catch your eyes, one of his hands coming up to cradle your cheek. “Another thing I wrote on the wall was finding the love of my life.” He pauses to adjust his body a little, and you wait to settle back down in his arms. He clears his throat and prepares to open up even more once you get comfortable again.

“When my girlfriend broke up with me my junior year of high school, after two years of dating, I spent hours in here that night. My dad had to bring me dinner because I refused to leave, I didn’t want to see anyone. I cried and cried and cried, because being naive, I thought she was it for me. I wanted the whole highschool sweethearts thing, but I got a little ahead of myself. So that’s when I wrote that down, to have hope that I’d find my person and the one made for me. Because in that moment, I was broken. I didn’t want to believe in love, but I knew I couldn’t keep that mindset, I knew someone would be out there in the world, waiting for me to give my love to them.”

In the middle of speaking, he sticks his arm out and his hand lands on the words written in red, his fingers gently grazing over the rough wood permanently marked with his writing. Sitting up to get a better look at it, you see Seth’s chicken scratch, but are able to make it out just enough. ‘Find my soulmate. I know she’s out there’.

Seth’s expression changes again, his eyes filling with adoration and love for you, a small, thoughtful grin on his lips. His tongue darts out to swipe across his bottom lip, his hand returning to your face to gently caress your cheek.

“And I found her.”

taglist: @petite-potato4

[neptunescore]

Kinda off topic, but do you think that people forget that F1 is BOTH a drivers championship and constructors? People complain that certain drivers are washed and if they had a different car they wouldn’t be as successful. I saw Zak Brown (I hate him sm, I don’t even have a valid reason I just do LOL) say how Max is great but he wouldn’t win championships without RedBull dominance. But isn’t that the point? Almost every championship was won by a championship level car. That’s how dominance happens BECAUSE it’s whichever team is the best at the regulations. It’s literally why FIA always changes the regulations, people expect we’ll see a drivers true form when they are in a different car. Also he said how Lando would match Max in a straight fight and… I’m sorry to say but their grids when they began were two different worlds. I respect Lando as a driver and person (I did question his comment on the Orange but it is whatever, no one knows if it was for PR or out of his own mouth) but we have literal past champions and experts talking about the driver’s expertise. I’ll admit the car is a huge play (maybe like 70%) but the driver is who makes the difference. A good example is Lewis. I love him but everyone knows Mercedes downfall. He showed how much the car plays a role but also how good the driver has to be. We’ve seen him in China sprint be able to get second place because of good setup from the team and because he was able to make that difference. You can argue for many drivers such as Seb, Kimi, hell maybe add Max when he didn’t have the best car on the grid, they all won races even without the best car. Even if those wins were through safety cars or just plain strategy, which is something some teams really struggle in. McLauren happened to be the best car in Miami and had a good start (dare I say luck too) but you can also see from the other teams that everyone was struggling. No one improved their times Q3, a lot of complaints about the cars not being right. This is turning into a Zak Brown hate speech now but I think it’s important that he realizes for Lando to matchup with top drivers like Max or Lewis he needs consistency. Something that drivers such as Charles is good at. He’s still young and he has time but currently? He doesn’t stand a chance in equal machinery, different from what Zak previously stated.

Sorry for my rant!! I went off topic myself but I just think a lot of people in the media (cough twitter) forget how many teams care about the constructors championship more than the driver’s one. No one is a car merchant because there is no way you can make the car’s equal in all fields. Even if the driver isn’t the most important bit their expertise is what makes the difference!

...heyyy (im so sorry it took me so long to answer this ask anon😭, I swear I would've done sooner but at that point all of my asks were just hate crimes and I was NOT feeling the vibe. I'm back now!!!❤️🤗)

But anyway, YOURE SO RIGHT NONNIE. Ugh and this is smthng that acc makes me so irritated sometimes, bc in the end, f1 is more business than it is sport and teams NEED sponsors. I feel like alot of ppl forget that, like the drivers and teams literally DO have to pay to remain in the sport.

This means that the whole point of a team is to build the absolute best of a car they can, especially for teams at the top (rbr, ferrari, mclaren, mercedes), bc that's what the sponsors want. That's what the drivers WANT. They WANT a dominating car. They WANT a car that's 1 second ahead of the wholeass grid. They WANT that. And if top teams don't deliver that then yes, they ARE gonna lose both drivers and sponsors.

I feel like so many fans forget that f1 is literally the MOST competitive sport. No driver wants to be out there in equal machinery. They just want to WIN. Sponsors don't care how competing cars have been beaten, they just want the team they've picked to be ON TOP.

Now, away from all the money talk, fans who put EVERYTHING a driver achieves on to the 'car' just piss me off. You literally cannot be saying that. You cannot be saying max's dominance is only bc of the car when this man has a 20 SECOND GAP to the next car, while his teammate is literally fighting to make it to q3. Like please. Go look in the mirror and think abt ur comments bfr they leave your mouth😭. Monaco also proves that so well, the redbull car was absolute SHIT there, and max still managed to put it up in p6.

Who is not a Zak brown hater in this economy nonnie😌✊🏽, dw I completely get u. Literally no points to add to that bc everything uve said is so right. I feel like Zak just puts lando on a pedestal that lando has NOT achieved. There's still a long way for lando to go, and while I am happy for him and his first race win – Zak brown immediately saying lando is a championship competitor right after it is just hilarious to me😭. Like slow down bro, chill.

All in all, consistency is KEY. And literally not one driver wants to be in a car that's the same as their competitors.🤗

Edit: also nonnie, can I ask who ur fave team/ driver is?? I just like the way you talk and I wanna know so bad now.

[shirakow]

˗ˏˋ꒰ summary ꒱ ; on his leave, he decided to go to his favorite female idols concert: you! But the thing is, you weren't a girl. SAY HI FOR THE CAMERA, PRETTY THING .

‧₊ ᵎᵎ pair ⋅ ˚✮ ; Present Mic/Hizashi Yamada x Male!Reader

WARNINGS ! NSFW , overstimulation , praise , degradation , slight sadism if you squint , light spanking , light exhibitionism , recording .

⁺ ⛧ ; 3k+ words, and finals are almost finished!

ㅤㅤㅤ"Yes! I'm so pumped!" Hizashi punches the air out of excitement, he finally gets to go to his favorite Idols concert! Truthfully, it was a guilty pleasure, because although he'd much rather listen to rock and anything metal, there was a small part of him that loved cutesy jpop music. And right now it's showing.

The pro hero was on leave due to the fact that he got injured a few days ago—severely, might I add. However, even if he's on leave, that doesn't necessarily mean he can just prance around the city either. Hizashi wore his casual clothes, his usual spiked blonde hair tied in a manbun, and a white face mask to top it all off. There you have it! A completely unrecognizable Present Mic in the wild.

Hizashi walked down the crowded halls of the concert venue, bumping into a swarm of people, but one in particular had the person stumbling back and almost falling, had it not been for Hizashi to catch them. He held their wrist gently and pulled them back onto their feet, "Ya okay, sweet thing?" Hizashi asked, he didn't even need to raise his voice in order for the person to hear as his regular volume was already loud enough due to his quirk.

The person raised their head, only to have his jaw drop at the sight that it wasn't just some nasty old freak—it was you of all people. "Thank you so much, sir!" You tried your best to bow with all these people surrounding you, but it pushed you further into Hizashi's arms. He was quick to act and placed his hands on your shoulders, gently leading you away from the crowd while he tried his hardest not to fanboy. You were his favorite idol for Christ's sake!

The moment you reached a somewhat secluded corner, you thanked him once more, saying 'thank yous' over and over again until you were satisfied. Hizashi took this as a chance to gaze at what you were wearing—it was all casual, a contrast to what he normally sees you wearing on stage, but your hair was still tied in that signature side ponytail. Just as you were about to reach your 30th thank you, Hizashi stopped you, "Hey now, ya gotta save yer pretty voice for the concert," he snickered. "Everyones gonna be so sad if ya perform with a tired voice box, pretty lady." Hizashi said in a dramatic tone, before he smiled under his mask.

The way the nickname rolled off his tongue had you squeezing your thighs, an uncomfortable feeling starting to pool at your abdomen.

You stared at him for a few more seconds, then you nodded, "You're right, thank you again, Sir!" You bowed for one last time. In your ears, he sounded like he was flirting, and not the regular kinda pervy flirting you've received from older men or weirdos in general—it seemed more natural, like Hizashi didn't even mean to be flirty: which is even hotter.

And you were right, it just came like breathing for Hizashi, it's like being in the limelight for most of his life finally paid off! Because now he actually managed to talk to his favorite idol without stuttering and geeking.

Just as you turned to run backstage, you glanced back at him, "Wait, I feel like I know you..." You trailed off. You know it's not his appearance since he was covered from head to toe, but rather, his voice—it was familiar to you. He sounded like a late night podcast host, maybe he's on one of those radio shows you occasionally watched? Hizashi flinched upon mention, and he snickered, "I guess I can't really hide it anymore, it's hard to go anywhere with a voice like mine," he slowly pulled his mask down and tilted his glasses downwards, giving you a glimpse of his green eyes and pretty face underneath.

"Present Mic at yer service." Hizashi cooed with a wink, "And before ya ask, no pictures. I'm on leave today!" His usual boisterous personality finally came out as his voice boomed. You stared in awe at him, you didn't even know Pro Heroes listened to your music, much less Present Mic! You didn't even mind his switch in demeanor, it just made you laugh.

Now if that laugh didn't send a pleasurable shiver down Hizashi's spine, it shockingly served as a way to shut him up. "After the concert then... Is it alright if I can meet with you in the back and... Take a few pictures?" You batted your long eyelashes with a small purse to your lips, hoping he wouldn't have to go so soon. "It's not everyday I get to see a Pro Hero at my concert after all." You placed your hand on his chest, slowly sliding them up to gently caress the side of his neck.

Hizashi's whole body shut down at the touch, before he cleared his throat and raised a brow, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but are ya tryin' to flirt with me, pretty thing?" He asked in an unusually quieter tone. "Depends on how you see it." You replied softly, a grin on your red lips. "Well I see it as ya tryin' to get my number, or is it the ego talkin'?" Hizashi wrapped an arm around your waist to pull you in closer.

You bit your bottom lip, and he flinched when you slipped a hand in his back pocket, "H-Hey, what're ya—" you only shushed him. "Relax, it's a VIP pass. Can't have you getting arrested trying to get in through the back..." You whispered as Hizashi scoffed, "I can just sweet talk them." Now it was your turn to do so, "And what? Talk about your sponsor?"

"Maybe." Hizashi chuckled, a grin on his face.

His words made you giggle and pull away which made him pout in disappointment, "Just meet me backstage, I'm looking forward to seeing you in the crowd, Present Mic." The way you said his hero name had him melting, he's so glad he can call that alias his. Now what he wanted to hear was for you to call his real name.

Like he promised, Hizashi stood right outside your private room with his back against the wall. He managed to slip through the guards using the VIP pass you slipped him when you were talking. After a while of waiting, he got a bit impatient. He desperately wanted to see you and take some pictures, and he'd hang it up on the wall along with the other band posters he had! Maybe he'll even empty out a space just to make it a lot more special.

Hizashi tapped his foot on the floor, before he sighed and opened the door when he got tired of waiting. "Pardon me for the intrusion—!" He said in a sing-song tone, only to pause when he saw you touching up your makeup in front of the mirror, your pretty pink dress ruffled up a bit with your hair set neatly on the vanity table. Wait, what?

Your hair was a wig?! You panicked and got a hold of your wig and threw it on, albeit messily but it was already too late now. Hizashi's mouth flew open in shock, before he shook his head and approached you, letting the door close behind him.

"Ya... What..." He sputtered out, trying to figure out what was going on, before he came to two conclusions. Hizashi unexpectedly placed a hand under your chin and gently turned your head left and right, as if observing you. "Say..." He trailed off quietly, "Talk." He said, uncharacteristically too blunt for your liking. You stuttered a few words out, but not coherent ones as you were too flustered for getting caught, "Look, it's not what it looks like..." Hizashi raised a brow and tilted his head.

"Ya know, if ya hadn't said that, I would've believed it if ya told me ya were just a girl with short hair," he hummed, rubbing your chin with his thumb. "But I'm guessing it is what it looks like." Hizashi said with a small grin forming on his face, "Yer a boy, aren't ya?" Hizashi knew it was wrong to ask, and incredibly insensitive if it turns out you were actually a girl with short hair who sounded like a prepubescent teenage boy.

You flinched at the question, and decided to play it off, "What? Of course not!" You lied through your teeth. Your contract prohibited you from telling the truth, after all. Hizashi snickered and pulled his mask off and shoved it in his pocket, "I don't mind, sweet thing. And besides, I'm not one to share others' secrets." He cooed, gently taking your wig off and threw it aside, causing it to hit the wall and slide down to the floor.

You gulped thickly when you were exposed, "You promise?" You asked, holding onto Hizashi's wrist. He bit his bottom lip as he fought back a smirk, "I promise, don't worry yer pretty little head, baby." Hizashi whispered in a sultry tone, before he paused when he thought about something.

"... Ya still up for that picture taking session?"

"Yeah, set up the camera just like that, baby." Hizashi cooed into your ear as you bent over on his lap to set the phone up on a stand. It would've been a lot easier if you just stood up, if it weren't for Hizashi's tight hold on your hips, and his dick buried deep in your ass. "Come on, how hard is it to set up a phone?" He commented with a raised brow, growing impatient.

You rolled your eyes and was about to bite back when he suddenly gave your hole a sharp thrust, causing the tip of his cock to hit your prostate head on. You moaned, arching your spine and accidentally let go of the phone, making it fall back on the table. You looked back at Hizashi with furrowed brows, "Stay still, will you." You grumbled out in annoyance and went back to fixing the camera.

Hizashi snickered and pushed your fluffy shirt back to gently rub circles on your lower back. "Can't help it, ya'd do the same if ya had yer dick up your favorite idols ass." He bit his bottom lip and moved your hips to grind you against him. You huffed, "You're too impatient." You commented as you finally got the phone set up on the stand.

"And yer too slow." Hizashi immediately started fucking into you when you clicked record, lifting your hips and bringing it back down on his cock like a fleshlight. Your eyes widened, holding onto the cushions in between Hizashi's spread legs for some leverage, "Y-You fucker!" You moaned, trying your best not to moan too loud as you're still in the concert venue.

Hizashi laughed, using his other hand to lift your skirt up, exposing your leaking cock to the camera—bouncing up and down as he thrusted in and out of your ass. "Aye... Look at that pretty cock... Yer fuckin' leakin'..." He bit his bottom lip at the sight. You were quick to cover it up with your hands out of embarrassment, which made Hizashi spank your thigh.

"Don't cover 'em, I'm not gonna show this to anyone, baby..." Hizashi whispered into your ear, pressing his chest against your back as he gently got a hold of your wrists and slowly pulled them away from your boy parts. "This is for me and my eyes alone... So let me see your dick, baby... Let the camera see..." He urged, smirking slightly when he saw you hesitantly move your hands away from in between your legs.

"Attaboy." Hizashi praised and moved his hands to go under your thighs, pulling them up so you're on Nelson, letting the camera see his thick cock spreading your tight hole out. "Fuckk... I could just cum at the sight of that..." He groaned, his dick twitching inside you as he went back to thrusting into your ass.

You squealed, reaching behind you to grab a fistful of Hizashi's hair as you felt yourself coming closer. "M-Mic..." Hizashi groaned and shook his head, "Call me Hizashi, baby... Fuck, call me that, please..." He begged as he nipped on your neck, sucking and licking on your sensitive spot to make a mark.

"D-Don't leave a hickey...!" You panted breathlessly, your other hand grabbing hold of Hizashi's thigh. He growled into your ear, biting down onto your neck just to spite you, "Ya can just cover 'em up... Ya can't really blame me for wantin' to make the world know yer mine..."

Hizashi chuckled, kissing the spot gently as an apology as his free hand dropped one of your thighs and got a hold of your cock, enclosing his palm around the tip—circling and twisting it to get all the precum out. You cried, desperately trying to close your thighs at his rough ministrations. "Ah ah ah, don't close 'em, or else I'm gonna leave you 'ere. Empty and stretched out..." Hizashi warned with a small sadistic grin.

Tears rolled down your cheeks but you nodded nonetheless, "Y-You're so mean... Ngh...!~" You sobbed and babbled incoherent nonsense. Hizashi cooed at your words, and once he deemed his palm wet enough, he started to fist your cock roughly in time with his thrusts.

Your tongue lolled out, arching your back away from Hizashi's chest. He let out a loud 'ohhh' as he watched your cock release spurts of cum, "There we go, attaboy... Yer doin' so good..." Hizashi praised into your ear, watching your reactions from the small phone on the table. "Ya look good from this angle." He snickered as his pace started to get sloppy and desperate.

"Fuck, I'm close... Inside or out?" Hizashi asked you. You were too fucked out at this point, your whole body ached and shook at the overstimulation and continued thrusts from Hizashi even though you just came.

"Mm... A-Ah...—nside...~" You were too far gone. Hizashi raised a brow and smirked, "What was that?" He gave a harsh thrust, his grip on your cock growing tighter. You sobbed as your eyes rolled back, "I-Inside! Please, inside...!" You begged breathlessly, it's like you just threw your dignity away the moment you got some dick. It's been years anyway.

Hizashi groaned and nodded, "Roger..." He reached to the side and got a hold of your discarded panties, before shoving it into your mouth to gag you up. "Taste yerself for a little while..." Hizashi put your thighs down and slowly pulled out of you, which earned a muffled whine of disappointment from you.

He chuckled and stood up, pulling you with him and had you bend down on the coffee table—directly in front of the camera. Your eyes widened at your appearance: your makeup was ruined, mascara running down your rosy cheeks and your hair was a mess. Hizashi noticed you staring at yourself while he positioned himself back into your ass.

You looked away from the phone in embarrassment, only for Hizashi to laugh and grab a hold of the device. "Don't worry, I'll keep yer face out of it." He instead hovered it over to where they'll soon be connected, and pushed back inside your ass with a groan. "Still tight as hell..." Hizashi held onto your hip with one hand and began fucking you again.

Your eyes crossed, gripping onto the table for dear life as he sobbed. Tasting yourself on your tongue as drool rolled down your chin. Hizashi watched his dick disappear and reappear from your hole, the way cum created a small halo around the base of his cock, and the way your ass bounced—just the sight of you taking his cock had him moaning.

"C-Close... Fuck I'm so close..." Hizashi bit his bottom lip, reaching under you to stroke your sensitive dick. You shook violently and came for the 2nd time, his heavy balls slapping against your own. Hizashi's hips stuttered as he let go of his phone and pulled you up, your back meeting his chest as he swiftly took your panties out your mouth and turned your head to kiss you sloppily.

His tongue slipped inside your mouth and moaned against your lips, giving one last thrust before he came inside you. Hot spurts of cum coating your gummy walls. You squealed, a few more drops of pre running down your red cock. Hizashi pulled away and pressed his forehead against yours, "Ya... Okay...?" He asked with a tired chuckle.

You were in a daze, but you managed to give him a nod nonetheless. Hizashi smiled and gave you one last peck on the lips, "'m sorry for being so mean... I'll make it up to ya." He offered as he slowly pulled out of you, making you hiss at how sensitive you were. Hizashi gently patted your ass and settled you on your couch, grabbed a towel from your chair and slowly wiped your lower half clean—making sure not to overstimulate you any further.

"How... Are you gonna make it up... To me..." You breathed out while staring at him, eyes lidded with fatigue. Hizashi thought for a moment before snickering, "I'll give ya an autograph?" He joked. You groaned and turned around to look away from him.

"I'm kiddin', sweet cheeks. What should I do to make it up to ya?" He asked, his hand rubbing your waist from behind while he kneeled in front of the couch. You were silent for a few seconds, taking his question into consideration before you glanced over your shoulder, "Give me your number." Hizashi paused, then he laughed.

"I already left it on yer vanity."

"Do you just carry a business card everywhere you go?"

"Hey, it came in handy today, don't ya think?" Well, yeah. At least he's one call away for another dicking down session.

© shirakow ; im in heat .

ㅤ

[creelmalfoylaufeyson69]

Date night

Warnings: violence

They were nervous that Sam wasn’t actually gonna show up to the date since they knew that she wasn’t easy to trust someone after the events of her ex boyfriend being a literal backstabber. They were in the movie theater waiting for her to show up before they went in. They already bought popcorn and two sodas

Luckily Sam wanted to show up early to the film, so there was a lot of time to spare before the movie actually started. They get a text, but their hands were too full to even check their phone. They didn’t think it was from Sam, since they knew she’d have an idea of the state of their hands at the moment

Next they get a call, which makes them embarrassed. They decide to set down the drinks and the large popcorn at the area where there’s straws and salt/butter to add more of it to the popcorn. Once it was all sat down, they quickly took out their phone to see that an unknown number texted them a picture of them standing by themselves at the theater

The number now calls again since the person knew that they were paying attention now. They decided to not answer the phone, which makes the movie theaters phone go off instead. This freaks them out now as they now decide to call Sam. Once she answers she told them that she was on here way

“Sam I need to tell you something before you get here” they start, which makes her worried. “What’s wrong?” She asked in a worried tone. “Some random number just sent me a picture of myself standing with the large popcorn in my hands with the drinks as well. I’m scared Sam” they say as they begin to shake

Sam’s eyes widened as she now felt worried for their safety. She could hear another person talking on their side, and it was a person arguing that he didn’t know a person with that name to a person on the other line who was clearly using a voice modifier to sound like GhostFace. You didn’t have to be there to know what the person on the other lines voice sounded like with what they’ve told Sam

“Listen dude-“ “no you listen here Brian. You know exactly who I’m talking about. They’re associated with the Sam bitch who killed an innocent man. Do you know how awful that is?” The person on the other side asked Brian. “I don’t actually know what the fuck you’re talking about. You’ve seen way too many Stab films. I’m gonna fucking hang up now”

“How smart. Let’s see how far that’ll get you Brian” the person on the other side hangs up now, which makes the worker relieved that that asshole had finally hung up. Brian looks at them as they were speaking to Sam. “Stay calm, okay? I’ll be there in no time. You’ll be fine too since why would they try killing you in front of others?” Sam asked them, which makes them shrug despite her not being able to see it

“Can you stay on the phone until you get here?” They asked as they continued to shake. “Of course. I’m sorry this is how are date night is going” she says, which makes them immediately tell her that it’s not her fault at all. “It’s this assholes fault, okay?” They said, which makes her reply with a soft okay. “This also isn’t the worst date I’ve been on before” she admits with a small smile on her face

“Oh god. What happened?” They asked her as they start biting their nails. “He freaked out when I told him who my father was” she admits, which makes them feel bad. “I’m sorry Sam” they said after they stopped for a moment on biting their nails. “It’s okay. I have you now, and that’s all that matters” she admitted, which makes them smile and blush

The theater went dark all of the sudden, which makes them worried. “Sam… the lights went out” they said out of fear. “I’m almost there, okay?” She says as they heard screams. They hoped it was just from one of the auditoriums, but it sounded way too real for it to be just from a film. They tightened their grip around their phone as their shaking increases

“Sam, I’m so fucking scared right now” they admitted as they now got stabbed into their shoulder. They scream in agony as they now dropped their phone onto the carpeted floor. They turned to see GhostFace right there. GhostFace goes deeper into their shoulder, which makes them scream even more

They kicked GhostFace away, which luckily worked. They take the knife out of their shoulder, but only continued to scream with the add on of profanity’s. They turned to face GhostFace, just to see that they disappeared. “MOTHERFUCKER!!!” They shouted as they look around frantically to make sure they don’t miss the masked individual again

Sam finally made it, but she couldn’t get in. They noticed Sam, and dashed for the entrance immediately. They get stabbed in the other shoulder blade now as they made it to the door. Sam screams and starts crying as she watches helplessly. They managed to also stab the masked person, which makes the person back off

They turned around quicker this time, and killed the masked person this time. Sam watches in shock at their ability to keep going. The only reason why they could keep going was through adrenaline. Once they killed the masked person for sure, they felt weaker now. They collapsed onto the ground as sirens could be heard in the background

***

Sam sat next to them in their Hospital Room. She had her hand in theirs as tears left her eyes. They were passed out due to the amount of blood they lost. Sam looks at their stitches that were on their shoulders now. She felt like this was entirely her fault, but she knew if they were back right now, they wouldn’t agree with her saying that it was her fault

It makes Sam smile as she carefully kisses their knuckles

[sweeneydino]

What have I created...

[horse-surgeon-barbie]

maybe we STOP playing house ,, we're not good at it

[celestialulu]

im always gonna be mad abt how (it’s implied) that Natsu got jealous slash annoyed over guys asking Lucy out and burnt them and we didn’t even get to see it happen

[askaerialstem]

Blood: You look interesting, my friend. What's up abilities

"My mother being an Earth Pony and loving tending to fields and plants definitely solidified that love for nature and plants. My father being a Unicorn, helped me grow that love and taught me how to tend for it all using magic rather than just by hoof, even if I do love doing it by hoof anyways. Being an Alicorn just heightened and amplified all that magic a ton, but I wouldn't go as far as to say i'm anywhere near as powerful as I could be had I been raised by, say, other Alicorns, so using all that magic is pretty draining!"

(little silly aftermath under the cut)

"Oh boy... Let's see if I can get my assistant to help me out with the aftermath of showing off my magic... I always forget about this part..."

[lieutenant-amuel]

Another day of me realizing that the Avaloran Royal Guard system makes no sense.

[solvicrafts]

So here's our favorite bastard peacock of a man.

The one.

The only.

Jarlaxle Baenre. As a soft, snuggly plush doll.

...he actually looks a lot better in person, but the lighting in my room sucks this late in the day, so I'm gonna be taking him out for new & better pictures sometime this week. I'll take him, Jarlaxle, and Raistlin out on a little field trip to the park or something.

As you can see, I had him sharing the star blanket with Valas <3

The mushroom print did end up being too big after all, so it's hard to actually tell what he's wearing, but I just wanted to get him done in time to snuggle with me when I start Promise of the Witch-King. Eventually I plan on making a ton more clothes for him.

I also made Raistlin! I actually finished him last week but didn't want to post him until I found my jewelry set so I could make his moon necklace - still haven't found it, but I couldn't resist getting them both in the same picture.

[volivolition]

Idk if you saw or not but a new chapter of the fury of a shattered mirror dropped last night! I haven’t read it yet but I thought I should let you know 😎👍

awughgh HELL YEAH!! ive been away from my laptop for a while so i didnt see, thank you birdy!! :] this is the best news ive had all day hkjgh <33 excited very excited going to read it now <33

[crossbackpoke-check]

18 + swaymark!!

oooo thank you!!

#18 - pleaser, wallows + swaymark

okay i know they are canonically obsessed with each other but. the song is in some ways about feeling like you’re failing in your relationship and being not quite as obsessed with them as they maybe are with you, and in this video of them talking about being a tandem, there is the slightest pause before swayman answers “do you miss him?” that makes me want to probe a wound. we’re not talking irl reasons of how that’s an absurd question (how do you miss him. you’re coworkers you’re seeing each other all the time) we’re talking that maybe this whole goalies-in-love thing got blown out of proportion and now swayman’s having to buy into the bit too hard. linus loves it & everyone’s asking about their bromance & how they love each other so much and the thing is—linus is safe. he’s got a wife and plausible deniability and jeremy? jeremy is gay. sure, he can crack jokes and people-please but the more people ask the more they're going to find out until maybe they find out something jeremy doesn't want them to know. and the longer this goes on, the more jeremy has to sit at linus' dinner table with linus and his beautiful wife and pretend like he isn't a little bit in love with him. and you know what? the longer it goes on and linus doesn't dial it down jeremy does stop being in love with him, because it just feels cruel, until he finally is done enough that he stops biting his tongue and ruins the moment.

[casualavocados]

the true eclipse

Buckle up, folks, this is going to get long.

What seems to be the most popular theory people have derived from the symbolism in this series casts Akk as the sun and Ayan as the moon in an eclipse. @grapejuicegay (kk) and I, through a number of posts and a bunch of dms, have been breaking that idea down to its barest functions, starting with:

“I don’t actually think that Akk is the sun. I think that credit belongs entirely to Suppalo, and Akk, [...] is just a representation of that sun.

I think the eclipse is Ayan’s influence on Akk blocking out the influence of the sun.” (ref: kk)

Suppalo's emblem is literally an image of the sun. And it’s not just Akk being affected here by the moon! It’s everyone! It’s Kan, Thua, Wat, and the entire student body.

“During an eclipse, when the moon covers the sun the sun’s influence is reduced. So if control over the students is through the sun, the moon covering it would mean the loss on control.” 

- (ref: kk’s post about lighting and cinematography)

That made me think though about Ayan saying "even if i wasnt here this would still be happening" - so yes Aye is the moon to Akk, and a figure many of the characters go to for advice - but as a whole The World Remembers group is actually the moon to Suppalo.

And while Ayan supports The World Remembers, he’s not actually behind what they’re doing. The protests started before he joined the school. He’s given them encouragement, but lately they’ve been growing their own support from others in Suppalo, and they’ve done that all themselves.

And kk had something absolutely galaxy brained to say about that too in our dms:

The World Remembers WOULD still be doing everything they're doing now without ayan around and they WOULD reach the same conclusions and the only reason we don't think that more is because this show has been diverting our attention this entire time. i've been rewatching old episodes a little bit and the only reason there's any connection between world remembers organising stuff and ayan is because AKK KEPT SAYING IT and he was always wrong but he said it so much that it just became this thing that was like, yeah ofc.

WHICH ALSO. SUCH a good way to show brainwashing??? they're not even showing it, they're just doing it to us [the audience] so that at some point we might realise it's happening and it's like you're not special, it can happen to anybody. everybody is susceptible to propaganda.”

And here’s the real kicker: BOTH of these parties - The World Remembers group and Ayan - have differing motivations that are leading towards the same goal. Both are devoted to searches for the truth, and are uncovering oppressive regulations in the process. Aye is searching for the truth about Dika, and The World Remembers is searching for the truth about the curse - asking for a proper investigation into who could be trying to hurt the students and tearing down Suppalo’s credibility as they go.

(there's already been a lot of analysis into the other ideas they represent: the fight for no uniforms which has led to a criticism of homophobic society and the way oppressive systems benefit from heteronormativity specifically - so i won't say more of that here)

The point is...the real eclipse is truth and knowledge outshining fear and oppression.  

...But surely Akk has a bigger role in this, right?

To us, Akk can't be the sun because he isn't being covered up, or smothered, like the moon does to the sun - he's being brought out of his shell instead.

And so here is a special shoutout to @singharit​’s theory that made kk and i lose our minds:

“something something the way how akk is associated with water and the sea and how so many moments i can think of that involve him opening up to ayan also involve water in some way. [...]  

the way how ayan is the moon, steady and sure [...] being not just a light in the dark for the other students wrt truth and justice and the concept of shame, but also the very thing that controls the tides with its gravitation pull.

We both adore this idea, not just because water is the exact opposite of fire, but also because it's a symbol of change and erosion. The longer Akk spends around Aye and his influence, the more he opens up, the more he changes, the more he questions, the more his original brainwashing by Suppalo/Chadok/the sun to focus on rules wears away into embracing the freedom of expression and being himself. 

“the way how during an eclipse, the tides are the highest that they’ll ever be.”- ( @singharit​ cont.)

As Akk’s relationship with Ayan grows, the eclipse draws closer, which leaves only one question left to ask: What will happen when the eclipse arrives and the tides reach their peak?

TLDR; The real eclipse is truth and knowledge (the moon) outshining fear and oppression (the sun). Akk is affected by the moon, changing like the tides the longer he is in it’s influence.