#i was gonna do homework but i don't think i can with how badly i'm doing lol

[visceralmoth]

god maybe i am depressed

[athanza]

Starlett - Part 2

Cooper Howard/fem!OC (not self-insert)

Tags: Hurt/comfort (sort of?), non-allowed romantic connection, lots of tention, pre and post war drama, some Cooper dad fluff because why not ♡

Warnings: Mentions of domestic abuse and (no graphic scenes or descriptions of that nature), angst, canon wasteland violence

This branches out from canon but I thought it was a cute story idea so I had to write it. Enjoy! ♡

Part 1 | Part 3 | Final part

2296

The harsh sun was setting now which meant he needed to find somewhere to settle in for the night. The rickety second floor of one of these buildings would be the best option so he'd have a good vantage point if something were to happen.

As he searched for the right building he began to hear muffled screaming coming from further in the crumbled town. At first, he couldn't give a rat's ass, but he needed to know if it was a big enough threat for him to keep moving.

It didn't take long for gunshots to begin ringing out through the ruins, but they were only from 3 separate guns...then 2...then 1.

As he reached the area where the shots were coming from, the sounds of a pissed off Yao Guai became apparent, and there was one singular person left to fight it off but she looked like she was badly injured.

"You son of a bitch!!" She yelled when her gun jammed and the wounded beast readied itself for another charge.

As it lunged at her one more time a shotgun shell slammed into the side of it's head and it went down, a pink mist left in the air for a moment as the rest of it's brains splattered to the ground.

The woman turned to where the shot came from to see Cooper walking casually towards her, unable to see his face very well in the dark. She pointed her now un-jammed rifle at him just in case.

"Those things'll kill ya." He quipped.

"Yeah, no shit." She replied, wincing at the pain from a gash on her side.

He cocked his head a little. Her voice sounded familiar.

"Why don't you put down that gun so I can cut myself some bear hide and be on my way?"

She scoffed. "So you can shoot me in the face and steal all my shit? No thanks cowboy."

That was it, the confirmation he didn't think he'd get.

"Irene?" He said.

The woman paused briefly, then aimed her gun properly. "How do you know my name?"

He stepped a little closer so that the light from the lantern on the ground could illuminate his face.

It took her a moment but she recognised his eyes and immediately lowered her weapon.

"Cooper?"

2077

A scream woke Cooper up in the middle of the night and he instinctively got up and ran to his daughter's room.

"Daddy!" Janey cried when she saw him.

He came over and hugged her tightly. "Hey, hey, it's ok, it was just a dream, you're ok."

She cried into him for a moment before spluttering "Why don't you and mommy love each other anymore?"

That caught him off guard. He had no idea what to say and it hurt so much hearing her say that.

"It's not that we don't love each other honey, it's just..." He tried desperately to search for the right words. "Well...your mom and I just disagree on somethin' really important and we tried to figure it out but it was too hard."

"What did you disagree on?"

"Well...that's grown up stuff baby girl."

She sulked quietly, putting her head back on his chest.

"We still love you very very much, that hasn't changed at all."

"Is it my fault?" She asked and his heart broke.

"No baby girl, no, not at all. None of this is your fault."

"I know I haven't been doing my homework, and I don't always feed Roosevelt when I'm told and-"

He cut her off, kneeling beside the bed so he could look her in the eyes. "Janey," he held her hands. "None of this is your fault. Your mother and I loved you since the day we found out we were gonna have you. And when you were born, we looked at you and we just cried and cried.

I have never been prouder or happier than I was in that moment. And you know what? That hasn't changed a bit, not even a little."

Janey smiled, her face still wet with leftover tears.

"Really?" She sniffed.

"Yes." Cooper chuckled, scooping her up and hugging her again and she giggled. "Now, how about a hot chocolate, with double marshmallows?"

She smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

She hugged him as he carried her downstairs. "I love you daddy." She said.

His chest burst with warmth and happiness and he smiled. "I love you too sweetheart."

The next morning, Janey was watching cartoons on the TV while eating her breakfast and Cooper sipped greatfully at his cup of hot coffee, having not gotten much sleep.

He smiled as he heard his daughter giggle at the TV, her mouth full of cereal, and sat down at the dining table with his newspaper.

But just as he sat down the loud ringing from the telephone rang out through the kitchen and he sighed heavily.

"I'll get it!" Janey yelled and ran over, hoping it was her mother. Her face dropped when it wasn't her mother's voice she heard on the other end of the line. "Yeah he's here, I'll put him on."

Cooper looked up at her tone and she held the receiver out to him. "It's for you dad."

He walked over and took it, kissing her on the head before she went back to her cartoons.

"Hello?" He said.

"Mr. Howard, it's Irene. I'm sorry to call you at home but I need your help."

Her voice told him it was serious. "What's wrong?"

"You were right. About Frank. I know we barely know each other but I need somewhere to stay for the night before I go to my mother's up in Sacramento. Lee...Lee doesn't know."

"I uh..."

"...no, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you." She said.

"No, no, it's ok. I'll make up the guest room for you."

He could hear a faint sigh of relief in her answer. "Thank you, so much, I owe you one."

He gave her his address and they hung up.

"Who was that dad?" Asked Janey.

"A friend from work. She needs a place to stay tonight so she's gonna stay in the guest bedroom. You'd like her."

She kind of shrugged in an uninterested way and took another bite of her cereal, her attention back on the TV.

He hoped no one sees Irene at his house, that's the last thing he needs in the papers, especially now.

Part 1 | Part 3

[kitkatopinions]

Just saw the extended animatic that was originally meant to end V9 and is now gonna get repurposed into the (possible) V10.

Let me just say, I still feel the same about the things I saw in the first animatic. I can now firmly say that Qrow has been replaced with a doppleganger same as Blake (I wonder if it's like a partial possession thing in this case where sometimes it's Qrow and sometimes it's the faker.) I hate the dumb Winter scenes about how disappointed she is that poor people aren't nice enough to her billionaire blue blooded mother in her silly little sunhat. I have no idea what the hell Raven is doing there. The 'Remember Her Message' thing is stupid because of how poorly done Ruby's message to the world actually was and what little impact Team RWBYJNOR has actually had on the world at large. And I still want to see Whitley without Willow for three point five seconds. And I'm still wondering why the presence of an army in Atlas was a sign of pure evil and was immediately seen as a horrifying threat but seeing an army in Vacuo is meant to be a sign of peace and hope.

But also, now I have more to say.

Like first of all, I'm even more confused on how Remnant managed to pull off any sort of army now that we know what remained in Vale after the Fall of Beacon got decimated. Where are they getting their army? From Mistral, where we know Leo had all the Hunters killed? Are we meant to assume that the people that showed up from Mistral are the cops Blake called on the White Fang? Or, maybe from Argus, even though we're meant to hate Cordovin and the Atlas military that was there? Second of all, this makes me even more annoyed at Winter for being like 'if my poor martyr sister could see how badly we're doing, she'd be disappointed,' Winter get realistic goals challenge 2024. Third of all, Team SSSN and CFVY made appearances and if I ever have to see Coco "based on a nazi" Adel ever again, it'll be too soon, but I still insist that it should've been just Sun, Neptune, and Velvet because none of their other teammates got enough focus in the actual show to be real characters. They could've been casually name dropped off-handedly and it would've been fine. Speaking of teams making reappearances, Neon is there, which means she didn't die in the Fall of Atlas and likely her teammates didn't either, but they had better have a full explanation in V10 for how soldiers on the field got back to the city and threw the portals, and it's weird that we saw Neon but not Flynt. Also can I just point out that "the people who were colonized by Atlas are being aggressive to innocent Atlas orphans and need to be told off" is a writing choice the writers didn't have to do, and considering all the whole history with RWBY and bigotry, I don't know why they did that. Neon and Nora had a moment though, and I was like... Ship material? Also, Tyrian and Mercury are working with the Crown, but... To be honest, if they don't scrap that in V10 (if V10 ever comes,) I'm gonna question their decision making even more, because they just did a new location with a new villain and it proved that this late in the game it's hard to set up or properly execute new threats, and if V10 ever comes out, it's a high probability that we're not ever getting a V11. So if you ask me, if they don't cut out the Crown, they're either gonna badly execute these new bads because they expect their fans to do homework to understand the main show, or they're gonna spend way too much focus on establishing them and the Mains will get sidelined again. Merc looks like a mess, though, and this would make me think a redemption arc is a-coming except that they're pressed for time like I said, so I'm not counting on it. The fact that I have to see Peter Port of all characters is also making me want to say a lot of bad words. Like I cannot emphasize enough how much I hated seeing him and his stupid face and how much I wish he'd never existed. What is this choice to not have the serious potential mentor character who had been part of Oz's inner circle come in and instead having the comic relief teacher who blathered about testosterone and flirted with an underage student be the one to break what should be devastating news that should by all rights get a lot of focus? And where the heck is Tai in all of this? Rip to Oobleck, but out of everyone from the Vale seasons, I would not have picked either of these men to bring back, I'd have brought in Tai and Glynda. It's just a bad choice. And still no sign of Maria and Pietro, so like... What the heck?

All in all, I thought before that I couldn't have less hope for the future of RWBY, but whoa buddy this extended animatic proved me wrong.

[crimeronan]

I know you said it felt too depressing, but that Luz school post was actually a lovely breakdown of how school can hurt neurodivergent kids even when their peers and surrounding adults do everything "right." So, thank you.

the post in question

well, thank you for this ask! i was able to go into such detail about luz's accommodations and the administrative help because it was semi-autobiographical. there were several ways my own school admin & some teachers failed me that i'm not gonna give her because it would make me Too Fucking Sad, but there were also a lot of adults who genuinely wanted to help. and kids who would ask me to sit with them at lunch without it feeling like a pity thing. and written plans of Support.

having school admins who are willing to follow a 504 plan and a mother who's willing to threaten legal action if you don't get accommodations is an Enormous privilege. plenty of kids don't have that. but i want luz to have that! and given the sheer level of trauma she's experienced, she's definitely in a position to have adults be kind to her. a lot kinder than they were to her canon self! she has Good Reasons to be weird and maladjusted. you know, not just a dead dad she should be over by now :/

even with people giving me the benefit of the doubt, though, i was A Problem Student. i stayed home when i could and whenever i HAD to go to school, i'd skip class to sit in the bathrooms. i'd have very public sobbing panic attacks in the hallways. i remember at one point i went to math class and one of my peers was like, "whoa, hey!! i thought you dropped out!!" because it had been That Long since i'd actually set foot in the classroom. i never did my homework and i never took good notes. my biggest memory of actually being in high school classrooms is just a loud buzzing whine covering up everything the teacher was saying while i stared at the clock tapping my pencil and counting down the minutes until i could bolt.

AU luz would not skip class. because AU luz is trying to Endure It (TM) for camila's sake. and she thinks there's something wrong with her that's making her bad at everything. surely the classroom environment itself is not torture!

anyway. it was good for me to skip my classes and good for me to make life a Fucking Nightmare for my parents and good for me to drop out and good for me to finish online with a much easier curriculum. there was never any scenario in which Sitting In A Classroom was EVER going to be okay for me, let alone actually HELP me learn.

the self-advocacy got me in a lot of trouble and got me pretty badly hurt, since it's legal to do basically whatever to minors who don't Cooperate (TM). and it made life difficult for other people, too. but it also did ultimately protect me.

sometimes school just sucks. and it can be pretty isolating to constantly hear from people for whom classrooms are Not physical torture, so. i try to be open about my Feelings. fjsjdj

[nohoperadio]

The date for my annual performance review at work has been set for one month from today. The review day itself is not a big source of stress, it's the management's opinion that I'm good at my job, it's a mildly awkward thing to go through but it's very unlikely to "go badly" on the day.

However!

I gotta fill out the paperwork first, which consists of seven pages, each page representing one of the abstract work virtues ("teamwork", "initiative", "customer service" etc), and for each of these I have to write 3+ concrete examples of things I did over the past year that exemplify that virtue, followed by a description of how each thing I did impacted the business, followed by explaining what lesson I took from each thing.

This is a chore that combines several things I hate hate hate and am bad bad bad at:

homework (the paperwork doesn't have to be done at home, you can schedule work time to do it and this is considered fine, but this doesn't work for me at all for reasons we'll get to in a bit), I'm not even good at structuring my free time when the only things I'm trying to fit into my schedule are nice things I enjoy doing, let alone this

bullshitting, the whole thing is premised on an abstract dreamt-up-by-HR model of how people's jobs work that bears so little relation to reality that it's basically impossible to complete the form without a lot of bullshitting. You have to take utterly mundane and routine moments from your job that don't mean anything and write them up in a way that emphasizes how brilliant and special and passionate you are; also because they ask for an absurdly large amount of examples, you find you spend a lot of time and mental effort figuring out how to reword stuff you've already written elsewhere in such a way that it's not too obvious you're repeating yourself. I am extremely averse to bullshitting to an extent that I fully acknowledge is irrational and unhealthy but I don't seem to be able to do much about it: at uni I would occasionally miss deadlines because I couldn't figure out what my actual opinions were about the thing the essay was about, and I couldn't bring myself to just write an essay endorsing a conclusion I wasn't sure about. I hope that doesn't come across as even slightly a boast, there is no virtue there, it's an extremely fucking stupid attitude to have, I knew that at the time but I couldn't seem to change it. And I'm still kind of like that unfortunately, I can write bullshit but it feels horrendous and takes a ton of will power and progress will be comically slow.

expressing positive sentiments about myself, this one's self-explanatory I think

The result of these points is that I find writing these things so emotionally draining that it often takes like literal hours of psyching myself up/calming myself down just to find the right state of mind where I can even get started, and then often that leads to like, two or three bullet points worth of progress and then I'm exhausted. If this sounds dumb to you, well, yeah. That's why I can't realistically do it during work time, what am I gonna do request a whole day's worth of time and then produce like 30 words by the end of it? I'm not doing that. On top of these setbacks resulting from my unfortunate personality, there's also the fact that my particular role is quite different from most people's in the company but I still have to fill out the same standard form as everyone else, e.g. I rarely deal directly with customers so I have to really reach to argue that stuff I'm doing counts as "customer service", there's a lot of that kind of thing.

I'm not sure if I'm really conveying what I find horrible about this very well, but basically it's: 1] a lot of work, which 2] relies on skills I am extremely weak on and 3] aggravates my weird neuroses in various ways, and all the while 4] the whole thing is manifestly pointless and dumb. That's a recipe for aaaaaaaaaaaaa. If this year goes like the previous two years, I'll spend the weeks leading up to it feeling guilty and panicky for a significant portion of every day and doing that thing where I procrastinate the productive task constantly while not being able to really enjoy the things I'm using as procrastination either; I'll make ludicrously small amounts of progress on a handful of good days, but ultimately somehow force my way through most of it all in one go just before the deadline.

Maybe it won't be like that this time. My general being-a-person competence has been improving year on year for the past several, maybe this is the year I only moderately suck at this type of task. I shall let that sentiment have the last word here, not because it's especially plausible but because it feels virtuous to do so.

(I feel like it would be unjust to write this post and fail to say: I like my job. A lot! It's nothing very glamorous, I work in a bookshop and get paid marginally more than minimum wage, but: I find the work satisfying, I virtually never have the "ugh I can't wait till I can go home" feeling, and there's a small number of people there who I like very much and who like me in return. All three of those are things I literally could not conceive of being true of any job before I started here; when I said above that my being-a-person competence has improved the past few years, my job is a huge part of that. I have more positive feelings towards my work than a lot of people ever get to experience and I feel lucky for that. But this one particular aspect of it which comes once a year always kind of ruins my life for the better part of a month and I really wish it didn't exist.)

[l0ves1ckf0ol]

WHY I AM THE WAY I AM. . . . anthony larusso x gn!reader

note: as awaited, i have finally uploaded more cobra kai content

anthony larusso was the equivalent of an insufferable and egotistical asshole or as everyone would call him, a bully. the l/n's and the larussos were close knit so at one point, anthony and y/n used to be friends. until the families hung out less due to their busy schedules and well- here we are, y/n sitting alone at their table at the cafeteria as anthony laughed along with his friends at another table. though the both of them only had small talk, after hearing about how he was bullying the new kid just because of a girl or something along the lines of that, they had had enough. y/n wasn't really intending to get close with the guy (kenny) , though they were really curious about the whole karate shenanigans they stayed put and out of their business but this dude really needs to stop.

he doesn't even know karate what's he to stand up for?

anthony larusso used to be a bright boy who y/n played online games with during their trips, he used to be a kid being able to find joy on a screen, he used to like hanging out with y/n now he probably doesn't even think about them anymore.

y/n wasn't one to be in anyone's business but once they had heard that kenny was shoved in a locker then stuffed inside with milk. they had never felt angrier than ever. they weren't even close with kenny but anthony has crossed the level of being a douchebag. y/n hates to think of anyone badly, they just wanna make sure that anthony now was the same anthony that they talked about video games with.

the surprise on mrs. larusso's face was hilarious as y/n casually pops in and swears that they wanted to hang out with anthony, they also brought cookies (courtesy to their mom). y/n didn't have the pleasure to see sam on their way upstairs, she probably had training. they had also learned thag anthony has bad manners because mrs. larusso insisted that anthony can't peel his eyes off of a screen to even talk to her.

they knock on his bedroom door, "come in!" y/n hears and they went inside. anthony was on his desk - surprisingly even doing his homework. "if you're gonna rant about eagle fang, sam i don't have time-" he stops himself once he looks up to see who it was. his face falls for a moment and then lights up, realizing it was his childhood friend.

"hey... y/n. why are you here?" anthony frowns, confused. y/n sighs as they close the door behind them. "you know i don't have any friends at school, can i at least make an attempt to make one?" y/n lies, they thought they'd be fine off without anthony (again, a lie.)

"well i'm done with homework, let's catch up." anthony says, closing the math book that was opened on his desk. "wait here, i'll get us some chips and some drinks." y/n notes that he was still polite. good so far.

once he was back, he insisted they'd watch their favorite show when they were kids on his ipad and that was where they both got cozy on his bed, stomachs against the mattress and arms folded for their chin to lay on as they ate lays potato chips while watching Bluey. it had been way too long since they both shared a bed while watching wholesome shows. it felt nice. it felt even nice when anthony still acted like the same chubby kid that y/n loved spending time with.

why was he acting such a douchebag in school anyway?

"what's with the big shot attitude at school, ant?" y/n starts, still staring at the screen of the ipad, watching the show. "you haven't called me that for a while." they scoff,

"you haven't had the time to." they mutter. anthony sighs through his nose, "you know i'm sorry about not hanging out with you, my mom was surprised i went out my room to get us snacks, i went out my comfort zone for you." he jokes sarcastically, y/n rolls their eyes. "ha ha, you are the funniest person on earth."

anthony giggles as bingo and bluey chase each other at their yard. "why do you suddenly care anyway? you show up suddenly at my house and you claim to miss hanging out with me, you're still weird after a long time." he mumble his head tilting to the side one slight movement of relaxation he would fall on their shoulder. "just wanted to check on you." y/n told him. "how come when i come over, i see you- the kid that i used to be the bestest friends with, turn out to be real nice and innocent and when you're at school- you're a bully, a huge douchebag."

anthony stays silent, unmoving and this worries y/n. "ant?" y/n hears a sniffle. anthony looks at them, glossy eyes and tear stained cheeks. "why? what's wrong?" y/n asks as anthony shuts off the ipad and lays on his back.

"i don't know, y/n. i'm- i want people to like me. like how my people like my sister, the nicest larusso kid, lia seems to like kenny so i-"

"so you made fun of him, humiliated him?"

anthony scoffs, "you are just like everyone else." he mutters, sitting up to face them. y/n raises a brow, "enlighten me larusso." they reply. "i don't get why people just berate me for what i do and not even question why i act like this, why i am the way i am." anthony rants, y/n shrugs, "well then, why are you this way?"

"because... because...." anthony trails off as he tries to find a valid answer, eyebrows knitting together. y/n had a hunch in their head about the reason.

"look- i know you can't help but feel like you're left alone to fend for yourself or you need to constantly chase your parents' expectations or even just their attention, but that isn't any excuse to bully someone." y/n told him, bracing for him to get upset and this was a one shot answer to making things awkward between them.

"i know... i shouldn't have done it anyway." anthony mumbles.

"good, now i wanna see you apologize to him- i dont care how just do it sincerely." y/n says to him. "can i just hang out with you right now? it's been so long." he whines, flopping back down on to his pillow. "alright, alright, do it at school.

[jacksprostate]

Regarding your take on neuroscience and mental illness what are your thoughts on placing people on a spectrum when it comes to ASD?

Frankly my opinion on this is once again incredibly unpopular for something on the eternal baby site. I'm not gonna get all the way into it but I'm going to put a little bit under the cut.

I'm not quite sure how to say this tbh, because no matter what I say it will probably be taken badly. And I actually have a lot of nuanced things to say on this topic but I can't write pages for everything. So I think I'm just gonna address one thing, which extends a bit into other things as well.

On tumblr and tiktok and in general, there is a very large contingent of kids and adults who desperately do not want to grow up who are burying themselves in diagnoses as a way to explain their mild (I do not say this to be cruel, but I mean it literally. Are you in normal schooling? Do you have a few friends, or an ingroup (INCLUDING you and all your x diagnosis buddies) Are you relatively independent? If we are talking about severe mental health disorders or neurodevelopment, that's mild. I would describe my own as mild on that scale) problems relative to their peers in a way that is encouraged and considered Valid Suffering and InGroup with their friends and community.

It's natural. You're very lost as a kid, you want to belong, you feel behind, like everything is more of a struggle for you than others. It's unfair you need to put so much more effort in to achieve a lesser result. You shouldn't have to, you feel. And there's a community of people who feel the same, and you're just like them, it nets you friends and an excuse and a right to think of people who want you to change as cruel.

And I am not saying, these kids aren't suffering, or don't have problems. But, for example, I may as well kick this hornet's nest: the sudden rise in children identifying as DID systems using terminology all invented on tumblr and expecting everyone cater to their current roleplay or else be considered ableist, is like, a lot. It's a lot. Social issues and identities have always been a tumblr clout measure and a way to get friends and shit. The systems thing is honestly one of the pinnacles of like, no, I'm not mean for pointing out the obvious. No, even the kids who say it can only be caused by trauma and are doing an rp of having the disorder rather than an outright rp, they also almost absolutely do not have the disorder. For many, many, many reasons which any degree of research into the disorder would illuminate. But that's not the point of it. For the kids who just like the rp aspect, they get to be the free love side of things. The kids that want to feel a sense of social justice will cling to the Actually x side of things. But they're both on sand.

Anyway, I used DID as an example because I really don't feel like ignoring that elephant anymore, if you (generic) think I'm mean for that then that's your problem and you should probably log off and do your math homework etc.

But, to a lesser degree of fakeness (because that's near total haha), this also applies to the online autistic community. And many others. That is not to say autistic people do not exist, or that they cannot be kids, or that they aren't caught up in the same social wave these kids are. In fact I'd bet some are thriving in it. Some though probably feel quite isolated.

Side note, but this does feel like the effect of calling people posers becoming weird anathema. It's not cruel to not believe in other people's things. I don't believe in otherkin either. I am an extremely scientific, grounded person. That said, I'm not gonna lambast any kid over it. At most I won't engage. I know a lot of people feel very hurt over the idea of not every person believing in Their Thing, but not everyone has the same faith or opinions or worldview. It just is how it is.

In the long and short of it, I do think there is a spectrum for ASD, I don't think it extends as far as tumblr advocates, I think there is a natural spectrum for human social development and I also think it's something that can be worked on. Anyway, I'm sure I'll be called an out of touch neurotypical for this because that's the easiest way to dismiss this lol. Very easy to assume those criticising you can't possibly be in x group. Certainly, I don't consider myself autistic. I know plenty of people who do consider me such including some psych personnel (not that I consider that more valuable than some guy walking down the street). I think I represent probably 1.5-2 standard deviations from the usual human experience and I just don't think that cuts it tbh.

[strawberry-capybara]

Distractions :))

Stu sat at his desk, staring down at the confabulated mess he had written on his "note sheet." The music was blaring from his radio, almost deafening him as he tried to do the homework assigned to him. He leaned back in his chair but was surprised when he felt a sting of metal on his neck. He heard a soothing voice tell him, "Don't move if you don't want your head on the floor." Stu instantly laughed at the dead threat as he turned up to see a ghostface mask staring back at him. He used his free hand to reveal the face of Billy underneath it, his smile greeting him as well.

"How did you get into my house?" Stu said playfully. "Can't tell, or it ruins the fun," Billy answered. Stu stood up from his chair, excited to be distracted from his work, "Want something to eat? We can watch movies and take notes of all the kills!" Stu said excitingly as he was already walking to his bedroom door. Billy sat on Stu's bed, taking off his blue flannel jacket and tossing it aside, "Don't you have work to finish?" Stu stopped in his tracks as he turned back to Billy, "I don't have to finish it." Stu said, inching closer and closer to Billy. Billy smiled, "You wouldn't want to get in trouble now, Matcher; that is the wrong thing to do, after all." Stu chuckled a little at Billy's comment, "When have you ever thought about doing the right thing?" Stu placed both hands on either side of Billy, leaned in, and kissed him.

Stu leaned away from Billy and hopped off the bed, "Since you want me to do the right thing so badly, I'll do the right thing." Stu said. He went back to his desk and continued working on his work. "No way you're taking my word seriously." Billy mocked. Stu didn't budge. And so the two boys sat silently as Billy and Stu put their silent bet into place.

"Fine. If you gonna sit there all day writing bullshit notes, then I'm going to leave." Billy said. He got off Stu's bed and began walking out the door before he felt a tug on his sleeve; with a firm hand wrapped around his wrist, he stuck in place. "Alright, let me go." He said, but no response came from Stu. He began pulling back and thrashed a bit before giving up as his grip was too firm. "You fuckhead, let me go." Stu ignored the comment and pulled Billy down to his lap in the chair, holding him close.

"Now you're stuck," Stu said. He stared at Billy as he looked at the bruises, scratches, and scars that covered his arms. Billy stared back at Stu, curious yet shocked at how strong the skinny boy was. Hell, he was skin and bones; he shouldn't be this strong. The shock was quickly replaced with warmth as Stu placed his lips on Billy. The two sat there kissing and taking quick breaths of air before returning to intertwining lips.

Stu carried Billy to his bed and threw him down on top of it. He then pinned Billy's arms above his head as he leaned in to continue making out with him. "Not going to take me out to dinner first?" Billy said with a chuckle. Stu smiled as he pushed his bangs back, looking all over him. He stared, then smiled, "Huh." Billy smiled at him, then laughed, "You dumbass. Did you think you were dreaming?" "Kinda thought I was whizzed, honestly." Billy wiggled out of Stu's loose grip and sat on the bed. He kissed Stu's cheek, "Don't you have work to finish?" He said sarcastically.

[necros-writing-stuff]

Such Sweet Ignorance: Collabo'ween Day 16

GN!Reader/Blaine Wiley (Male Sugar Daddy Energy Vampire OC).

Warnings: There's a sense of dread through this one; Financial control; Heavy anxiety for reader; Emotional manipulation; Fear of dying; Reader is suffering from something similar to chronic fatigue.

Word Count: 2739.

Notes: This one is far more horror than smut with a creepy element to it. There's like three lines of smut lol. It's in first person and made to be like a journal entry.

With the power of hindsight, it was blatantly obvious how many red flags this man has. But I was broke and desperate, so I went along with what he wanted anyway. 

Hello to anyone who might be reading this, by the way. I'd appreciate it if you're some scholar from a couple hundred years into the future, peeking into the past via the journal of some random person. If you're someone closer to me then this will be quite awkward and I'm gonna have to ask you to stop here. I don't think I can look people in the eye after admitting the things I'll admit here. Though after everything I've learned, someone I know now could be reading this hundreds of years in the future.  

But I have to get it all off of my chest. I have to do it this way because if I pay for a therapist then he'll find out and make me stop seeing them even if the meetings are only over video calls. This is the first time I’ve been away from him for more than a couple of hours in many months. 

It started last year, sometime around mid July. I was at the local library, using their free wifi when he'd sat down across from me. He'd only smiled at me then before reading his own book while I typed something up on my laptop. 

We had a few more meetings like that, and I'd grown used to him being there. I'd seek him out when I'd enter the building and feel giddy when we'd make eye-contact. He was so handsome, dressed modestly but you could tell he had money just based on the make and materials of his clothes. Auburn hair. Blue eyes. Well built but not so cut that you'd think him vain. And he was looking at me.

He broke the silence first, asking me what I was writing. I wanted to lie, badly, because it was a romance novel that I was thinking of self-publishing just to make some cash on the side. Plenty of people will buy terrible romance novels and defend them with their lives if they have tropes they love and hot enough male protagonists. 

For a reason I still can't explain, I told him the truth. A pattern that would continue, as you'll see. 

I was waiting for his nose to scrunch up in disgust, my shoulders tensed so bad that I could feel the knots forming in the muscles already. Instead he smiled and asked if he could read some. 

Yet again, I let him move around the table and sit beside me. I let him read what I wrote. And holy fuck was it a surprise when he started giving input on how to make it better than it was. 

"My mother was a publisher, I used to do my homework at the kitchen table when she'd review all the things she'd get." Then there it was, the nose scrunch. "I… I kinda ended up loving some of those novels because of it." 

Handsome, well-off, a lover of romance novels, a seemingly good relationship with his mother. People say hook-line-and-sinker a lot. This was an anchor tied to my ankle as he kicked me off the boat into Mariana's Trench. The books he'd been reading across from me were all horror, but the ones he'd kept in his bag to read at home? Soft, smutty romance. 

I never asked why he always ended up at the library at the exact same time as myself. Knowing him as I do, I'm sure he'd have come up with an excuse that I couldn't refute, one I'd accept without blinking an eye. But I'm still disappointed that I never asked once. 

Blaine Wiley is his name. An art appraiser - older than me but so kind, supportive and patient that it didn't matter in the slightest. 

We became fast friends, especially with how open I felt I could be with him and how open I thought he was being with me. Everything I told him, he came back with something personal of his own. Never in that "I'm one-upping you," way, but in a "I see you, I know what it feels like too," way. 

I had family problems? So did he! His sister was always at his throat. It's why he valued my friendship so much, he'd said. The notion of found family was one he identified with heavily after his mother had passed.

Naturally, we ended up dating. That restaurant was so expensive. I wanted to hide behind Blaine the entire time we were there. Expensive suits and bespoke dresses were everywhere while I was in an outfit I'd thrown together from a charity shop. Yeah, the outfit was expensive at one point. But not anymore. I was a drowned rat amongst groomed cats.

Somehow Blaine had made me forget about all of those worries. We'd hardly been able to stop talking long enough to eat (and the food was delicious). Even surrounded by absolute opulence, he remained all that my attention could focus on. 

I couldn't not follow him home after such a lovely date. I couldn't not let him lay me down on his bed, strip my clothes from me and go down on me like that meal we'd shared was but an appetiser. He was so thorough and selfless. 

My nerves returned once we'd finished - waiting and waiting for the other shoe to drop, to be kicked out of his bed now he'd gotten what he'd wanted. Instead, I was trapped in one of my very own novels. Blaine asked me to stay the night, his arms holding me close as we slept. He made me breakfast. He drove me home and kissed me goodbye with a promise to see me again. 

More dates followed, as well as many nighttime trists (and some in his car in dark car parks). He paid for everything. Insisted on it. He didn't have to worry about his bank account but I did, so why should I pay? In fact, why don't I let him give me money just because? 

Another moment where I should have ran. The writing was right there on the wall and I chose to walk past it like it was nothing but a graffitied cock. I feel so stupid - so full of shame - and I should be shouldn't I? I should feel disappointed in myself. I've been a fucking idiot and now it's far too late. 

Sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself and far too emotional. I’ll just keep going.

As you can guess, I took the money. I tried to turn it down, but he was so hell-bent on "taking care of me," that I folded quickly. No one has ever taken care of me. I barely take care of me. It was just so nice to not have to worry about having hot water or food in the kitchen. 

Three months is how long it took him to convince me to move in. The gifts and money got more and more expensive until he proposed it. His logic seemed sound; I was basically there every night, he was paying my rent and for my lifestyle anyway. I could leave any time I'd like if things didn't work out. He just wanted me to be safe and comfortable while I wrote. Once my book was out he was sure I'd have a good stream of revenue - hell, he could set me up with a publisher if I really wanted. 

From a one bedroom flat with a teeny tiny kitchen and no bath, just a standing shower, to his two-floored suite at the top of an apartment complex. His bath is a fucking hot-tub. It bubbles. You can see the entire city from his windows. He has his own personal bar in the kitchen and 4 ovens. 

My lifestyle was completely flipped. Rich clothes, days spent writing with an incredible view, relaxing baths while sipping drinks Blaine mixed for me at the bar, cooking with fresh ingredients from high-end boutiques. 

Blaine mostly worked from home, but when he’d leave he’d return from work and see what I'd done before sharing his own day. Often he'd come home with a necklace, a ring, new shoes or clothes for me. Always, I was on his mind. Always, I was his to pamper and love.

Somehow, even with how unbelievably relaxing my life had become, I'd end each day more exhausted than the last. I'd wake up with headaches that doctors couldn't explain. I'd just keep chugging vitamins and hope that it would stop eventually. 

Things started cracking when I wanted to go to a friend's party. Not even a close friend, just a fellow writer who'd stayed friendly with me over the years. A male writer. Blaine had tried to hide his true reason for keeping me home behind having a date planned. Deep down I knew it was jealousy. Deep down, I knew I should have ended things there or at least insisted that he consider why he felt so insecure about it.

I stayed home. I said my apologies to my friend and sent a gift through the mail. Blaine took me to an art opening the night of the party and introduced me to all of his friends instead.

It was hell. Anxiety had been a companion for most of my life, holding my hand anytime my thoughts would run away or even when I would simply step outside. It came back tenfold at the art exhibition. I felt like a piece of meat (though not due to Blaine's actions, surprisingly). His friends would peer over me with this knowing look before smiling or sipping their drinks. It only made me cling further to him. The one source of familiarity and comfort.

A breakdown followed when we got home. I was so tired and scared - I couldn't explain either - but Blaine simply held me and told me that the reasons why didn't matter right now. We'd work it out together, we'd get better together, but right then I should just let it all out. I could talk when I wanted to, but not feel forced to do so before I was ready. 

Perfect. Everything he did and said was perfect, and I fell asleep wrapped up in his arms again that night. 

I'd describe myself as agoraphobic these days. That previous anxiety I'd harboured had only grown in Blaine's custody. It was purposeful how he kept me inside without him, how he only took me out when it was a big thing with people whose lifestyles I couldn't connect to. Who I felt ashamed to open up around just in case they judged me. Events that made me have further breakdowns when we’d get home or even when I’d sit down in his car at the end of the night.

If his friends detested me, would Blaine leave? My only source of comfort? I couldn't let that happen. 

I don't leave the house anymore. I tried a few times after all of those parties to smile my way through meetings Blaine took me to, but it just drained me further until I collapsed. Literally collapsed. More tests were done on me at the hospital, but still they couldn't find anything wrong. 

Blaine left for a week on a trip to Oslo. Since he's left I've been getting my energy back bit by bit every day. I've needed it after what I found him doing a few nights before he left. 

Usually, I sleep through the night like a rock. The fire alarm going off wouldn't wake my eyes open. Something did wake me up last week. I don't know what or why, but when my eyes fluttered open I thought I was trapped in a nightmare. 

Blaine's hand was pressed against my chest, right over my heart. And it was glowing. I think there were runes shining on the back of his hand, the red light bathing our bedroom in what looked like a sea of blood. Seconds ticked by and I felt my lids lowering again as he peppered kisses on my neck. I was just so, so tired. Blaine made me so, so tired. Yet, I could barely breathe.

And alright, anyone reading might be thinking that it really was a dream. I did, at first, like I said. So I left my phone recording when I went to sleep the next night, the screen laying down so Blaine wouldn't know. He might check it when I sleep (he knows the password, he could do it anytime - he knows all of my passwords for everything). So I thought up a lie to explain it away. The screen was malfunctioning and clicking on things without any input. Maybe he could get me a new one or get it repaired. Spending money on me always makes him happy. 

A phone only has so much storage, it'll only record for so long even when the settings are put on low. It recorded long enough for me to see that red light bathing the room again when I checked. Right at the end, the last few minutes. Whispers were also recorded. Blaine's whispers, soothing me, thanking me for being such a font of creativity and life. 

Have you ever heard of energy vampires? They're much less known in the western world than the classic blood-sucking vampires. But there's legends of beings that take your life from you to feed their own all around the world. I think Blaine is that. I think he trapped me to feed from me and I don't know how to get away. 

Plenty of times the thought to look through his office has crossed my mind. Plenty of times I've wondered why I've never met his sister or seen photos of his mother, why I don't know how old he actually is even though I know his birthday. And in retrospect, I realise that many of his friends I met at the art exhibition had nervous looking partners of their own. They had their own little me's. 

I never questioned him. I never thought I had a reason to. Without him though, it's like that leash around my neck has been loosened and I can think more for myself again. Not fully. I still can't step outside without having a panic attack. I can barely call for a takeaway. Apps are my best friend right now. Who knows how many creatures like Blaine are out there, waiting to prey on the innocent?

At least I had the initiative to look through his desk finally. It's such a classic thing, a false bottom full of letters. It feels fake even though I found it. Even though I read each letter and carefully put them back. Even though they confirmed everything I thought. 

They were all exchanges with people like him. Creatures who hunt for people full of drive to do something - like my writing, someone's dancing, singing, painting. Hell, one had a taste for mechanics who worked on custom cars. And how they'd drain them dry of everything. Many of their victims died. Some of them went through victims like a smoker with cigarettes. 

Blaine was one of them. He'd only keep them for a month or two before they'd pass away in hospitals from mysterious diseases that couldn't be identified. Moreover, he's been doing it for over two hundred years. Blaine wasn’t even his original name, he’d gone by dozens of names over the years. The last letter was from 1942. I guess he switched to using telephones, then the internet when it got popular. Who knows how many other victims have been held in his claws before he found me.

I don't know why I'm different. I don't know why he's let me live so long. I just know that I have to get away before he can truly take everything. 

And I'm trying. Believe me, I'm trying so hard. He'll be back tomorrow. I just need to get up and leave, to take all of my clothes and jewellery and pawn them off so I can get away. I don’t even care about finishing my book at this point - even though it’s so close to done.

I'm going to do it. I promise I’ll get away. I'll write again when I'm safe.

[fayeelikefairie]

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.The start of brightst☆r,episode 2:♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ

(Enjoy bee<3)

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴:

"Akward conversations and worry"

01:57 ━━━━●───── 02:55

ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻

TW:two pairs of shitty ass parents,yelling,no dinner for one of them,smoking,no eating (not on purpose,.. yet/j),insecurities

("This is really the group I have.. I'm a little scared? What if I fail to teach them,or- or-") her small thought spiral was interrupted by her phone. She read the text quickly replying she was tutoring and putting it away. "Sorry about that,let's get going shall we?"

Rei nodded,her eyes seemingly following Amis every move,while biting on a moon necklace she was wearing. Akira was doodling while listening,Though it looked like she wasn't paying attention. And Sora looked out of it,her head out the window,maybe she was obsorbing the information? Hopefully.. "and that's how you-" Ami Continued to go over the math homework, "and we're done! Did.. did I do alright?.." she asked softly,failing to seem serious. "Mhm! That was great!" Said Akira truthfully her voice made her zone out,and she was already done with the math homework. She looked on Sora and Reis papers. "Rei,was it?" She asked the dark skinned girl with dark hair and gray eyes,she nodded,her eyes going to Akira. "Okay.. you wrote this wrong this is supposed to be written like this..." Rei fixed it "that's the spirit!" Rei shot a small smile, Akira looked at Soras paper "are you gonna write anything?..." Sora said a quick reply of.." why bother?" Ami felt her heart drop... if she couldn't help Sora what would the teacher think "it'll make you parents proud your working on your school work.." Sora went quiet,her face darkening and she scoffed.

Rei tilted her head slightly,wondering why Sora was like this.. she had to be made this way somehow. "Uhg.." Ami checked the time. "Oh already 5:00,we can go now!.. Remember meet with me tomorrow after school." She imitated how serious Shiho was In a way. "Okayyy! I'll see you tomorrow!! Sorry.. was that to loud?" Akira said,Ami giggled "nope,not at all.." by that point Sora had already grabbed her stuff and left... "I was gonna ask for all your numbers... I'll get Soras tomorrow. Write it on this sticky note if your okay with it.." Rei thought about it for a minute before writing it down and Akira wrote hers down. "See you to tomorrow." Ami spoke and they left the library.

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏

Now Playing [Peaky Peaky by Leo/need]

0:26 ———♡——— 3:50

◁◁ ▐ ▌ ▷▷

With a click of her phone, Rei was listening to a song she'd heard someone talk about on her way home. Yet all she could think of is what Soras home life had to be like? Was it anything like hers? Rei would feel bad for thinking badly of her if so. Her walking stops when she reaches a place close to her house,breathing hitched up in worry as she approached the door,opening it. "Mother,father. I'm.. home.." her throat tightened. "Mhm,yeah,why are you late?" She was confused they usually didn't care. " tutoring. I have that Monday through thursday." Her parents scoffed,"atleast It'll get your math grade up. It's like you don't care about that." Rei felt her heart ache. She cared. "I care,just- just-... I struggle,you don't help me,you just-"

They cut her off "just what huh!? Just yell! Good! Go to your damn room. I'll call you for dinner if I think your good enough for it." Rei nodded,going upstairs to her room and shutting the door,she set her stuff down and laid on the bed,the yelling didn't make her cry anymore but It still hurt. "Hey is this Rei? This is Ami from tutoring!:)" Rei opened the message replied quickly with "yep. That's me." And put her phone on the charger,hugging a white cat plushie she'd gotten with her own money. Her flute unplayed in the corner,the case covered in dust.

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. Sora had to walk home like usual,why were they trying to fix her grades now? They had so many stupid chances to,and her parents don't care. She entered the house,the smell of smoke filled her lungs when she breathed,she coughed "ugh.." the smoke was nothing comforting. That little tutor group would've been better than this,atleast they smelt Like strawberries due to someone's perfume,not like cigarette smoke. She didn't announce she was home,just going to her room. With a glance around her messy room and a sitting of her backpack down. Her stomach growled. She didn't have breakfast nor lunch.. she sat down,scrolling on her phone.

How were those girls so friendly,better family situations probably. But why didn't Rei talk or say anything. Probably Anxiety. She hated she was curious about them. They'd just hurt her or she'd hurt them. Especially Ami she seemed like she'd say the wrong thing to her and It'd send her spiraling no matter how serious she tried to act. Her stomach ached agian,and it reminded her that today was fend for yourself night,she didn't have money to get herself anything and the food in the fridge was all her mother's favorite good as she didn't care about Soras opinion. She had a small wish in the back of her mind that the next magical girl episode was out. Turning on her TV she smiled,it was! She'd never tell a soul she watches silly stuff like this,but.. it makes her feel safe.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Night time.. suprisingly all of them fell asleep early thinking about something. Sora fell asleep to the outro of the anime,Ami fell asleep to the intro of the next episode,thinking about tutoring. Rei fell asleep Watching the romance plot,it was so boring,her mind before she fell asleep wondered about Sora. Akira fell asleep after pausing the next episode so she didn't miss anything. What will tomorrows tutoring be?... they all wonder before falling asleep.

[rin-and-jade]

it's pop, once again.

urggggg, one of us blabbed a bit to one of our friends. I had all that under wraps, and they BLABBED GAH!

I do that stuff to protect us, because like I don't want anyone finding out about just anything. the friend was like "go get therapy, that's not good." and like the other one kept blabbing, I had said previously that I was getting some sorta help (it was true, the ai psychologist is actually a good bandaid solution for me. though literally every other moment I'm working towards my goal.) AND THEY BLABBED we weren't and just AAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I tried to explain it away, butttttttt I just got defensive and I think I just made things worse. I know I shouldn't have been mean to the other one (idk she's kinda like L? but Not?? she's doesn't know about us, I doubt she'll remember I talked to her.) and I feel bad, but it's just not it.

I don't know if these people are safe to share that info with, I know they'll be like "we will listen" but like I don't think they are even prepared for half the things I'm gonna say. mostly the whole "oh, yeahhhh. I'm not (insert name) I'm pop. please no I'm not saying my username, that's my actual name. I'm not joking, please just understand." and they'll be confused. I doubt I can just casually drop I might have a trauma disorder, after like knowing one of my friends for like 2 years and the other a good 4 months.

but the other one has already dropped enough info for them to suspect literally anything now, and I'm just scared if they try to reach out to my parents or my siblings or something. because I cannot handle that, I just can't.

idkkkkkkkkkk, I might just come clean and see what happens?? they'll be confused and I can't grantee to myself or just the rest of us that it's going to be okay, but the bandaid is half ripped off so maybe it's time for me to pull it all the way??

idkkkkkkkkkkkk, why must these things HAPPEN. I try so hard to keep us all safe and under the radar, but I just guess that's not something that will happen. GAH, I don't blame the other one. it's not her fault she's just confused and scared, and I'm not being helpful really. it's just so far it's been okay, but I just can't if they take it badly.

idk.

tldr what do I do, I'm pretty sure one of my friends is tipped off to the fact we are a system??? aaaaaa.

yours pop

Ok to summarize the things that happened is one of your parts blabbered enough things to make your friends suspicious and you're not quite sure if it is safe to tell or not. Correct? If so, we gotta break to two options here.. 'come out' or 'cover it up' ;

How to decide:

I don't suggest telling about your plurality without thinking as to avoid telling to the wrong one which could be potentially worse,, and because sudden topics will confuses people even more. So, if you think the friend has affinity for you and is not the type to play down or challenge or negatively questions/make remarks, but listen and try to understand,, you can come clean. If it isn't good with understanding struggles, no attempt in supporting, or just in general not a safe type when it comes to more sensitive things (i bet you tried a topic on that at least but i may be wrong) then.. just cover it up.

Coming out:

First rule.. Take. It. Slow. You. might want to plan what things you want to say, how, and when. i suggest you doing by this format i made and used for my irl friends,,

Prepping a script (mentally or physically) on what you want to say so when anxiety or fear comes up, your mind will not shut down as because some guidance have been provided for that case. This prevents the part where people are likely to drop it fast.

Gathering a few links (and you have to read thoroughly first) and keep that as a little homework for them to read. If links are overwhelming for them then revise in a paragraph or two in your own words.

Pick a time where both of you are currently calm and not busy/occupied. Make sure to hint the person about wanting to talk bout something important so they know and take it more serious than usual.

Tell everything, slowly, with clarity and avoid being vague. Tell how the certain thing got blurted out and what it actually meant, tell why you were scared of hiding it and what ugly expectations you had, tell how the disorder forms and works and give the links, tell properly how they can help/support you,, tell anything you want. And wait for results.

Covering up:

Search the likeliest accepted disorder that has similar things that was blurted out, or probably tell it was said when you're sleepy or anything else that has to do with tampering focus but i doubt that one works when enough info has been outted so hmm.

Thats all i have sadly, and, imo,, i never saw any of my friends tell how suspicious we were to our parents for like, most of the semester in school (just graduated) because i doubt they want to be involved or have enough commitment to actually tell. Unless its relatives like aunts, it could. Sorry for not responding as fast as i can, I hope this is not too late and its still redeemable.

- j

[sayitalianolearns]

Diary entry 530

많은 더 음식을 먹어야 해서 7시에 일어났다… 내 다이엣을 시작했다, 근데… 현재로는 오직 정말 졸다 ㅎ.ㅎ 어젯밤에 로빈 후드라는 영화를 봤다. 너무 재미있었다~ 그 영화는 2018년에 개봉했는데 절대 볼 수 없었다. 마짐내! 할 수 있었다! 다른 나라의 영화들이 요즘 봤고 다 진짜 좋아했다. 미나리라는 영화를 여천히 기다기고 있다…

recipe (breakfast + snack)

ricotta (cow's) cheese 200 g + peach (1) 100 g + clarified butter/ghee 5g + honey 5g + cashew/pistachio cream 10g + ev. cinammon (as you like)

grana padano cheese 20g + hazelnuts 30g

dice the peach and put it in a pot with the butter until it gets softer (you can add cinammon as well); you can put in for 2' in the microwave. in the meantime, in a bowl add the ricotta and honey and mix them well. once the peach+butter is ready, pour it on top of the ricotta and add the cashew cream.

had a moment in which i thought it was gonna pour out of my nose but it was mostly that. i think i'll need the grana+hazelnuts snack too. (btw my hands still SMELL like butter like a criminal undercover...)

what i learnt

sometimes we just need someone (or be the one) to remind us of our real worth and abilities. it's normal to lose sight of it all while we're focused on something and trying to do well: at those times negativity/doubts may arise easily and carry us away. but we can focus back on us again.

i remember my high school english teacher: she's been with us for 4 years, guiding us through from middle school to high school. i'm still pretty sorry she had to change school on our last year, as i would have really loved to thank her properly for all she did (for me specifically ofc) and salute her... but that's how things go sometimes. anyway, during that 4th year our school gave us students the chance to take the exam for the FIRST Certificate in English by collaborating with the Cambridge University. they held afterschool courses as well to prepare us properly, but in all honesty... it all was pretty expensive. i thought: "i want to give it a try. if i pass well that's great, and if i don't... whatever, i tried. but it would bug me a lot to spend all those money in case it won't go well". so i decided to sign in for the exam but avoid the courses. my teacher immediately told me: "if someone can make it this way, it's you" and she told me this in such a confident way that i had to believe her. she also helped me a lot, giving me further homework and making me work a lot more in class as well (i was the one in charge of reading, chating and solving most of the exercises during lessons). what you don't know is that during middle school (3 years) i only had studied french, and the few months of english i had done during the last 2 years of primary school, had basically entirely vanished from my mind at that time. i had to start all over. and by this i mean that even pronouncing "business" has been a big deal during my first year (especially the first 6 months: i kept using french words/accent here and there). but she had been so patient and helpful, suggesting me to listen to music (with lyrics/translating them and singing), and making it all easier and better. and encouraging me a lot. and you know, in my 4th year i made it. i took the FIRST exam and passed it with C1. funnily enough my friends, who had joined the courses too, passed with A2 and B1: this for a while confused me and made me think i made it with the bare minimum (i wrongly considered A the top level LOL)... it was only after few years that i realized the truth. and yet i couldn't say thank you to my teacher for believing in me and in my potential so badly. but at times we realize what happened and what we did only after years and that's okay. i hope y'all had/have/will have someone like her in your life too.

song of the day

[thousandyearphantombunker]

(this is a vent and I get nasty so possibly don't read)I've got no idea as to why this has become a thing recently or how to properly articulate myself rn but here I go: When I analyze characters I don't just look at how their actions are framed, i take off the frame. I take off the edgy and dramatic lighting and the very emotionally charged/biased language, the edgy outfit they got put in and I look at what they actually did what actually happened, i look at their actions alone (well not alone I still need context) and that has me being labelled media illiterate. 'the story said they where a bad guy! Look at how they are being framed! Look at what language they used to describe them! The story is telling you they are bad' and like I know that, I know im supposed hate them but when I look at there actual actions and what they've done without the frame they aren't that evil to me, i know what im being told but i dont buy it because once you get past very loaded word choices and the unflattering picture the creator used... They aren't doing anything bad in the photo, it's just at a bad angle. when you replace the emotional language and make it more neutral language (without changing the story) and you can see plain as day that.

King magnifico wasn't a villain, he's just an asshole with emotional issues, Ironwood while a villain was being demonized for the wrong reasons, he was facing an ethical dilemma alongside team rwby no matter what the show did neither side was 'right' nobody was gonna come out of that shit smelling like roses no matter if you were pro ironwood or pro rwby (maybe the writers could've learned something from ever after high about these sorts of situations you know the show for little girls handled shit like this better) and belos and the collector feel very contradictory? Like very different people each time we got some development from them. The fans who got excited over the idea these two where more complex than story states weren't being stupid, they saw the compelling ideas and interesting contradictions and got excited, and if I like a character that's supposed to a hate sink maybe I'm not stupid maybe the show didn't do its job right, maybe I don't want the writer to hold my hand maybe I want them to explain the story better and maybe I don't wanna do wikipedia homework to understand the show.

Fellas is it a sign of media iliteracy to not take the story at face value and eat what we are being fed without looking to see the ingredients or if its properly cooked? I genuinely got convinced by the owl house fandom that I was stupid for having complaints that I was clearly incapable of the higher thinking required to understand the story and if I didn't like it I clearly wasn't analyzing things deeply enough but when I did analyze the story deeper I found even more issues, my problems originally where with the coven system, coven heads, Darius and Eberwolf turning out to be secret rebels and the fact luz and hexside broke a major law with zero repressions and that Belos's plan was weak, analyzing deeper made me realize the magic system was weak and while i had massive issues with the finale already (fuck the dream sequence light glyph nonsense, and i hated the titan reveal because of the chosen one nonsense especially the titan saying he did make philip's life harder on purpose- which made the fact that he. Still discovered the glyphs impressive) i said I could still watch the show pre finale but after looking deeper I noticed the 'us vs them' mentality was through out the show - not just the finale i didn't like that philip's complexity got erased or that Luz was a chosen one and again i fucking hated the dream sequence, the light glyph nonsense was confusing, (that also helped me realize if the magic system got developed more maybe they could've introduced a mechanic that explained that shit) i also hated that the principal at luz's school was framed so badly- I'm autistic im latina i am a lesbian- im not an ableist racist homophobe- i would've demanded Luz get in school expulsion, and if she got into another incident that she go to summer school, and do community service or i would press charges- still a pretty light punishment but God he was not a bad guy I only saw that problem in the finale when I was told I was dumb I decided to try and reanalyze the show again and came out with an even more negative opinion

Maybe instead of insulting people's intelligence and acting condescending you can just say 'well if you look at the story from my perspective' and share why you think what you think because I do see the appeal of belos's ending and death I do see the appeal of this show- or another here's another idea just agree to disagree and not act high and mighty calling everyone who disagrees a nitpicker a 'stupid Steven universe fan' or lily orchard simp but no Doug walker having a mostly positive opinion of this show while still sharing his minor critics was a sin! I can't believe this is the fandom that made it so I defend nostalgia critics opinions- i genuinely don't like that guy but some of his critique aimed at the show is valid. I feel like this post is pretty meanspirited and I'm sorry for anyone who decides to read this tagless mess but I can't stand smugness or the idea that looking a story deeper makes you stupid. Im just salty and this is a dumb vent over old shit but God I'm pissy still.

[tihgnari]

๑ [ 29 ] could've been a better man

tw: none / wc: 1.7k

xiao doesn't understand where izumi's anger is coming from. he daresay she's trying to act like a victim all over again but xiao doesn't like thinking bad of her so he pushes those thoughts away.

"the first time in weeks that we can spend time together again and this is what you ask me? you're going back to old habits, xiao! i'm not yn! you don't get to doubt me like how you did with her!"

xiao winces. whether it's because of izumi's volume as she spoke or because she just had to mention you, he doesn't know.

"how is me asking where you've been these past few weeks going back to old habits? you've been disappearing on me a lot! you haven't been texting me or checking up on me. you haven't been attending your classes either!"

xiao has a point. he knows he does. izumi won't get away with sweet talking her way out of this. he needs to know where she's been, is that too much to ask?

"fine! i've been… arranging some stuff. remember i mentioned to you about having a brother? well, he landed himself back in jail so i've been visiting him every day. poor guy's going crazy."

xiao was taken aback. 'landed himself back in jail'? izumi is a direct relative of a guy like that? he doesn't know how to react and what to say. now he's all guilty for yelling and pushing her to open up to him. maybe he did, in some part of his head, unconsciously started to doubt izumi.

"i'm… uh, sorry princess. i didn't know you were going through something like that, it must be hard."

izumi had tears in her eyes and xiao was quick to envelope her in a warm hug. "it's okay, my baby. i'm sorry i haven't been the most open about it."

xiao wanted so badly to ask who the brother was and how he landed himself in jail (again) but thought against it. izumi will eventually tell him when she's ready.

"anyway…" she taps him on the shoulder, signaling him to pull away. he obliges and she hops down from the table before gathering her things on the chair. "i have to go, got a lot of homework to do. will you be staying here, love?"

here… aka the editing room inside the film org's office where he'll be meeting yn in exactly 20 minutes.

"yeah, i need to start editing for the video tribute ayaka is making us do for foundation day."

izumi pouts, leaning over to kiss his forehead as she tangles her fingers in his locks. "is no one gonna come over to help you?"

xiao forces a chuckle. "no, not really. it's just me."

well, izumi doesn't need to know, right?

—

as soon as she's out the door of the film org's office, the smile she has on her lips drops to a thin line.

"'just you?'" she repeats what xiao said before letting out a disappointed sigh. "i can't believe you're lying to me now, xiao. this is what i mean when you're going back to old habits. letting that basic bitch's fake ass smile lure you back into her clutches. ha! i don't cling onto you for a few weeks and you crawl right back to her? you gotta be fucking kidding me."

she spins in her heels, shaking her head in disbelief as she calls someone.

"hey, it's me. i think we should speed up on cutting venti out of the group. it might give xiao a reminder why exactly he left yn in the first place. oh! and don't worry, i talked to him about my brother. i'm lucky he didn't bother asking haruki's name or why he's back in jail in the first place."

the person on the other end of the phone lets out an appreciative hum.

"that's good. the sooner we give xiao doubts about venti, the better. that way when venti finally tries to tell xiao about you and haruki, he won't believe a word venti will say."

izumi scoffs in annoyance. "what do you think i've been doing these past few days?"

—

"i see you actually bought take out," you comment as soon as you arrive, spotting the white plastic bags on the small table across the computer. another step inside the room and you were able to sniff out the salivating aroma of sticky honey roast. your favorite.

"i, uh…" xiao doesn't meet your eyes. "bought takeouts from mond because i was craving it."

you roll your eyes. last time you checked, he hated eating food from mond because it requires him to eat with a spoon and fork when all he wants is to use his chopsticks. you don't bother voicing this out to him as you silently make your way across the room, kicking one of the stools towards the foldable table for you to sit on. xiao's already taking out the cardboard boxes of food one by one, making the scent of the honey roast's sauce stronger.

"i'm amazed your darling izumi let you even be in the same room as me."

you don't miss the tensing of his shoulders. should you have said something different? well, what's done is done. you can't take it back. plus, your curiosity simply won you over. honestly speaking, you wouldn't have even agreed to edit with him tonight but you heard from the other officers that they're busy and won't be able to make it. curse your guilt and empty schedule.

xiao clears his throat as he hands you your eating utensils. should he tell you izumi doesn't know? nah, he doesn't think that's a good idea. "oh, well, she's understanding like that." xiao almost dropped to his knees laughing at the absurdity of what he said.

you almost lost your appetite. izumi and the word understanding doesn't even fit in a sentence. but fine, you'll shut your mouth lest you offend the bitch's boyfriend. worse, he'll shove your precious honey roast in the trash can.

"i'm glad you're dating kazuha. he's nice," xiao hopes he looks convincing enough. he made sure not to speak through gritted teeth. "and uhm… i'm sorry about—"

"my ex?" you cut him off. an expression on your face xiao can't quite understand. "yeah, that's what i've been hearing a lot these past few weeks. whoever posted that on the freedom wall is an asshole for invading my privacy."

"yeah, totally," he responds. "i guess what i'm trying to say is i'm glad you're okay and that haruki deserves to rot in that cell for the trauma he caused you."

you meet his eyes. does xiao even know his girlfriend practically helped haruki? no, probably not. and you don't bother telling him. god forbid anyone talks shit about izumi when you're around xiao.

curious of your unreadable stare, he raises a brow. "is there something wrong, yn? why're you looking at me like that?"

you snap out of it. "oh, it's nothing. i just got carried away with my thoughts."

"does kazuha know you're here with me?"

"yes, he does."

"oh, he must be fine with it then."

a memory of kazuha's text appears in your mind. well, technically, he wasn't fine with it. kazuha was all passive aggressive about it but you simply nodded and smiled.

"yeah, kazuha trusts me."

you try to ignore the faint hitch of breath xiao took the moment you uttered your words. of course that would leave an impact on him. trusting you was a challenge xiao never overcame. judging by his reaction, he's aware and you hope he learned his lesson.

well, judging by his oh so happy relationship now with izumi, maybe he did and you hope the bitter feeling brewing in the pit of your stomach will go away soon the more you spend time with kazuha. you hate that it still breaks your heart, thinking about all the promises he made yet never kept. why did he have to learn his lesson after breaking up with you? why is he now a better man for izumi, when he could've been a better man for you?

you're lucky you're done eating, otherwise you've completely lost the appetite.

"i've been thinking…" xiao starts, averting his eyes from you. "i wanted to apologize for everything i did these past few months. i was an asshole—i mean, i am an asshole."

"i'm glad you know." xiao winces even though he's been expecting your reaction.

"does izumi even know you're apologizing to me?" you cross your arm defensively. you just can't help but bring her up. how would you know this isn't another ploy set up for you to get hurt? after all, that's all what this couple loves to do.

"izumi has nothing to do with it. i mean, i shouldn't have to ask her to apologize to you. i'm still my own person."

you fight the urge to raise an eyebrow at the last bit he said but you say nothing about it. "so… this is why you bought takeout and why you were texting me that way? you planned to apologize."

"wait, what way?"

you sighed. "nevermind"

after a moment of silence, you eventually stood up and approached the computer to see his progress as xiao spoke up once again. "i'm serious, yn. i truly am sorry. i have no excuses to give you because my actions are inexcusable."

your teeth gnaw at your bottom lip. why is he like this? it's not fair. why does he always sound so convincing when he's asking for your forgiveness?

as if sensing your thoughts, he says, "you don't need to forgive me, i understand if you won't."

and just like that, the night continued with minimal talk coming from either of you. speaking only when necessary but you can't deny, working in silence with xiao was quite nice.

three days later, you sat on the sofa with hutao, who fell asleep on your lap while watching a k-drama. you reached for your phone on the coffee table, careful not to rouse your best friend. then, you sent a text to xiao containing your response to his apology.

GOOD 4 U » previous : masterlist : next

๑ summary — lesson learned! never challenge hu tao when you're drunk bc you'll just lose and now you have to post a thread of all your exes as songs from olivia rodrigo's hit debut album sour … or: "yn desperate much!" "yn still loves xiao? yikes! doesn't he already have someone new?" "stop ruining my relationship u bitch!"

๑ note — i actually had a chapter already written but i scrapped the whole thing as i wasn't satisfied with it (and thats also why this took longer lolz)

[lpwrites]

Scott Appreciation Week Day 5

The Hottest Girl

I've been sitting on this idea since Scottuary, but heaven help me I am too much of a cog in the capitalism machine to have time

It's pretty straightforward though: everyone (except Scott) is in a competition to see who can make him blush/flustered the most

Stiles starts it, because someone makes a comment about how easily flustered Scott gets, and how he does that little happy bounce that just brightens up the room

Allison says she could beat Stiles, and that just gets everyone else in the competitive spirit

A lot of fluffy compliments, a lot of little touchy stuff

(I'm picturing all of them sitting at the tables outside making up the rules and setting up a system to make sure no one cheats or adds points because there has to be a process to it)

They see Scott coming and Kira just! bounces up (they haven't even really started yet but she got excited because she saw Scott), and she pulls out a sheaf of papers from her bag, explaining that she saw his guitar and she had asked her dad for his old music because maybe it could be of some use to him?

And Scott is a little taken aback because someone thought of him selflessly and he gets a little red as he takes the music sheets even though he's barely touched his guitar since he got the Bite, but the fact that she even thought about him makes him feel all warm and fuzzy and he blushes a little as he thanks her

The table is Furious she got him so fast lmao

Stiles is a lot of over the top compliments, which mostly make Scott laugh because he's being silly, but he gives Scott a big hug when they get their tests back and he's passing, and Stiles looks so damn proud of him that Scott flushes and scrunches up a little with his ears burning red

Lydia sits with his homework at lunch and goes through it with a red pen, and Scott feels his heart sink because why would she be marking it up so badly unless he's completely fucked up, but when she hands it back it's just comments of how well written certain paragraphs are, or what a good analogy he made based off the reading, praising him for his work and how much he's improved and coming from Lydia that's high praise, so he beams as he puts his paper away to print clean later

(oops I might have given Scott a praise kink now oh well)

Allison leaves him little notes in his stuff, and it's a game within a game because Scott can't even catch her when she leaves them, but it's little doodles with silly affirmations and observations that make him smile fondly and it doesn't matter that they're not dating anymore because even if they're not Together she still means the world to him, and he tucks them all into his binder to keep them safe. (And don't think about him finding them after she dies, little reminders that he can do it, and that he should smile because someone could be falling in love with him, reminders that he's loved that get a little smudged with water :) )

Isaac is at a loss throughout the day because he's not really an affectionate guy and he doesn't have good Role Models when it comes to positive interactions much less Affection. Stiles is probably making fun of him, until someone (maybe a team member? or just someone being shitty) makes a comment about Scott that rankles Isaac just enough and he's ready to go teach them a lesson about talking Shit about his Boy

Scott swoops in and eases him back, concerned at first because if it got Isaac pissed enough to fight it must have been pretty serious right? But Isaac just says they were talking shit about Scott and he looks a little startled at first

"Hey, it's fine, it's not worth getting in a fight about." He says, his hands still on Isaac's arms, like he thinks Isaac's still gonna shoot past him.

"It's worth it to me," Isaac huffs.

Scott takes a second to process what he said, and blushes bright red, because Isaac's always been punch first ask later, but the fact that he thinks Scott matters enough to be worth the trouble and punishment that would come with it? For something as silly as someone talking shit? He's not ENCOURAGING violence but it does make a feel guy feel a little warm inside

For funsies, Malia's in on the game (because fuck continuity) and decides she's gonna win, so she corners Scott and just. Stares him down. Face an inch away from his, staring very intently making Scott feel really confused because all day has just been Strange

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to make you blush," Malia says, matter-of-fact. "Is it working?"

Scott sputters, and hears a chorus of groans nearby. "Wh-- make me blush? Why?"

"Because I want to win the game." The duh is unsaid.

(The Malia part doesn't have to be included, I just think its silly.)

But yeah! end of the day Scott is warm and fuzzy but confused because everyone's been so nice to him and it's not something he's used to

He catches them at the same table tallying up points and arguing about semantics and he basically catches them red-handed. Everyone's a little bit embarrassed at being caught, but Stiles is defensive like "No! You deserve it anyways! It doesn't matter who won or if it was a competition because we all won in the end."

Silly squabbling, a lot of affection for Scott, maybe even a group hug :) soft pack ending because Scott deserves it

[ipaaciir]

How do I get good grades?

[ID: A banner that reads "Study tips" in all caps in pale green color, with pale yellow background and a geometric pattern in pale green in the corners. End ID].

If there's something I've learned from getting straight A's at school and university is that it's less about what you know and more about what your habits and skills are.

Look, I have this classmate who is always reading advanced books, listening to podcasts, and watching conferences. She knows A LOT. But this adorable person doesn't do homework, when she does, it's late or poorly done. Her comments in class are lacking coherence and her essays are badly referenced. All of this just lower her grades.

So what can she do? How do I get good grades?

[Disclaimer: these tips are based on my own experiences and observations as I study a social science and some of the things that worked for my in high school, I've also helped my classmate but these tips might not apply to you].

1. Strengthen your language four basic skills.

If you study languages you know we have to practice four skills: reading, writing, listening and speaking. Well, it's not very different for your native language. After all, is with language that we're able to communicate, share ideas and knowledge. You know... like, everything we learn at school (and more).

a. Reading: If you don't know a word, underline it, search the meaning and write it at the margin of the text, on a post it, or in your notebook. Underline main ideas and take notes or write a summary. This will help you not only for better understanding or studying, but also to participate during class. If you need to, read out loud and/or try to explain each paragraph. This is helpful for very complex text. Doing a diagram works too!

b. Writing: Learning how to express our ideas in the written form is... weird. I seriously don't understand why on earth we can't write just like we speak. Why do we must write differently? Is it such a crime? (I mean, I know why, I just find it so interesting and funny). Anyway, must teachers' corrections are like "uSe sYnOnYmS", "bReAk YoUr PaRaGrApHs", "cOnNeCt YoUr IdEaS", "aRgUmEnT mOrE", "UsE aPa CiTaTiOn". So, yeah, follow those comments... I'll try to make a post on how to improve your writing.

c. Listening: Pay. Attention. To. Your. Teacher. I know it's hard, I know some people have a lot of difficulties because of ADHD or other learning disabilities. I can't speak for that, but what works for me is to doodle or embroider, sometimes being on Pinterest works too. Just doing something that requires low cognitive effort while I listen to the teacher keeps me on the class without getting lost in my mind. Even if you didn't do the reading, if you listen to your teacher (and classmates) you'll be able to participate.

d. Speaking. I think many people can imagine how frustrating it is to watch a presentation by your classmates and that they just... don't know how to present?? (it's even more frustrating when you know this people want to become teachers). Practice in the mirror, practice with your pet, practice in the shower, practice everyday. Remember the "explain each paragraph from the reading"? Yeah. When you can explain something it means you understand it. So try to explain everything you learn, everything you understand. Even just chatting with your friends, family, about it. This will also help you to participate in class. The other day a friend of mine just randomly shared her screen and started explaining the bacteria that causes tuberculosis to me... I don't know anything about medicine but I still learned a lot because she knows how to lower her knowledge. Practice. Practice 40hrs a day.

2. Organization.

a. Have a schedule. Set alarms for everything if you must. Look, I forget to eat, literally. I focus so much on what I'm doing that I tell my stomach to stop being annoying and he just... listens to me?? He's like "oh, okay, finish what you're doing and when you're done just tell me and we can go to grab some food". So, I set an alarm to eat, to shower, to have dinner, etc.

b. Color code!! Color coding is my best friend since I was in preschool. Assign a color to each subject. My notebooks or folders are classified by color. My schedule has the corresponding colors. My Trello has tags by color. My folders on the cloud and on my computer have colors. This way I don't mess up things.

c. Agenda. Write all of your assignments (with color code if you can) and everything on an agenda, to-do list, calendar, etc. Whatever works for you, but be conscious of all of your assignments. There was a point when I was in high school that I no longer used the agenda. I would write the homework and never look at it again, I just memorized (by accident) all of my assignments. I seriously don't get how no one noticed I had a big problem called anxiety. Before the modern plague I used a regular week by week agenda and it's what best works for me. I switched to a day by day agenda for a while... A nightmare. Fortnight by fortnight... Anxiety trigger. Now I use Trello since I have to do almost everything on digital.

d. Digital files. You must have well organized digital files on the cloud. I use my color code and my folders go like "university -> semester -> subject". I add a folder for each unit when I have many files. So inside "subject" or inside each "unit" folder I have "readings" and "homework". File names go like "1. Author - Title" for readings and "1. Type of homework (aka essay, diagram, synthesis, etc.) - Author/Title".

3. Discipline

If you don't do what you must when you must... It doesn't work, no matter how organized you are or how smart you are. As I said, my classmate learns a lot outside of school but she doesn't do her homework. I read just the absolute necessary (which I know is not ideal) but I have straight A's. To build habits is complicated, it will be hard but not impossible. Doing a bit is better than nothing. But keep doing stuff.

I have this friend who's very smart but procrastinates a lot, and she still gets straight A's. How? She does things when she needs to. Even 4 hours before the due date but she gets things done because she knows don't completing an assignment will lower her grades.

4. I don't want to do this specific assignment

When I don't find the energy or just want to avoid to do a specific assignment or advance on my projects, I... you're gonna call me nerd and you'll be on the right... I do other homework. Specially on finals. I just don't want to do a certain project and I go "well, what else do I have to do... Okay, this seems easy". And there you got me three days before the important due date with all of my homework for the day after done and the important thing just laying there... BUT, it does help!

That's it for now, I hope they help!