#i was like. I would Simply Not Know things? I cannot find the source of it myself?? NO!!

[potatoes-tomatoes]

this a bit late but I saw ur tags on that sp easter episode gifset "not my ass pulling a stan at the tender age of six" - I'm so curious what ur easter questioning origins were 👀

i was (…am?) a lil insane growing up, like ok, I have memories of telling everyone in my kindergarten class that santa wasn’t real and wouldn’t care if they cried, bc they HAD to know the truth like, how could santa deliver those gifts in one night? why does he only give gifts to kids in america/ with enough wealth? You can still love the specials, and the holiday, the characters of the santa mythos, but believing a lie told by adults just didn’t sit right with me. also bc my parents told me he wasn’t real lol. (listen. my mom grew up very very poor. My grandma told my tias and tio that Santa wasn’t real, and only existed for the gringos with money jfkfkfjf) so. yeah my religiously zealous ass is the preface for even more religiously zealous stuff

so I grew up as a conservative christian girl that read the bible like a storybook every night, but I also have memories of questioning everything, it drove everyone crazy. I would hound my pastors after service with new questions someone my age wouldn’t usually have? I knew they thought it was kinda annoying if not mildly cute but I needed answers for every goddamn thing. Easter traditions bein one of them 😅 Now, I was raised very traditionally, as in, we examined good friday and went to a long Easter service and then, that’s it. Eggs, Rabbits were worldly, and had nothing to do with Christ, and tbh the most my fam enjoyed was the after church carne asada and the trip to walmart the coming monday to get discounted candy to munch on thru summer lolol. But I asked my classmates and teachers at school like at what point did easter become abt eggs? so if you’re not christian then, what exactly are you celebrating? You’re just doing elaborate stuff to eat candy. what’s the true purpose of the bunny? where did this originate? and everyone was like, just paint ur damn plastic egg for class Cel, you’re 6. 😂😅

Well that’s done and over with and I’m completely sane now. Also I did not paint and properly prep my first easter egg and participate in an egg hunt until last year with some friends and it was cute lol.

[nocturnowlette]

If you want to fall into a puppy mind space much, much easier from now on (especially to me), read this post.

Hello. This is a nice visualization exercise as well as a look into our mind's sensory memory. This is also centered for puppies. It will work regardless of if you are one or not, but you may feel like a puppy during some parts of this. Very dumb and very happy.

This is best done in a dark room, your phone or monitor being the main or only light source visible. This script is also better experienced having read the first script I've made, here. It's not necessary, though.

This script is also best read imagining a voice, or reading at the pace that a voice would speak. Try to keep the text you are currently reading at the middle or on the lower half of your screen.

That being said, let's begin.

Now, the first thing I'd like to talk about is visualization. I personally feel as if it is misunderstood. When I speak about visualizing something, I mean our ability to simply conceptualize it. You know what a cube looks like, and you can summon a memory of it. Even if you cannot see it, you know what it looks like. I still consider that visualization.

I, personally, can visualize things in a more literal way, including color. I used to not be able to, but with enough effort and hypnosis, I was able to. This post will mention colors, but it is not necessary in order for this to work.

Now, let's talk about senses.

Our brains are sponges when it comes to senses. Out of almost everything, senses are some of the most impactful and longest lasting aspects of memories for us. How many times have you smelled something or heard a song or tasted a food that brought you back to an earlier place? Our minds store large libraries of senses, cemented deep within you and waiting to be called on.

And, in the right circumstances, they can be called on without that sense actually being present.

Imagine what a TV remove feels like in your hand.

Just like that. Somewhat cold, plastic, and smooth.

It's as if the remote isn't there, but all of the little senses and memories surround that invisible remote, until you can make out the outline in your brain just from everything you feel from it.

In your mind, at this moment, this remote is real in some way.

Now, I'd like you try and imagine something a bit more abstract, a brain made of glass. Inside of this brain is a special blue liquid.

This is your brain, and that liquid is your thoughts.

The more full your brain is with your thoughts, the harder it is to visualize. I'd like to drain a bit of this liquid out.

You come to notice that, at the bottom of the glass brain, there is a metal spout. This spout can, once turned, begin to drain the thoughts from your mind.

As your thoughts begin to drip out of your brain, you will feel your mind begin to empty, bit by bit. There's more and more room in your mind for my words to fill, to imagine things stronger.

An invisible hand appears, and, just barely, turns the spout on. It's not nearly enough to be considered a steady stream, but there is the occasional droplet leaking out.

Going...

Drip.

and then...

Drop.

So slowly, and yet, your mind begins to feel strange. A tad emptier, like your thoughts are swimming. The drips are causing ripples through the rest of your mind, and your thoughts feel like they're vibrating ever so gently.

Drip.

...

Drop.

...

Drip.

...

Drop.

...

With every

Drip,

you feel your thoughts begin to slow just a bit more.

With every

Drop,

you feel more and more relaxed.

The more you imagine this brain, the more you Focus on my voice, the more it comes to represent your thoughts. The more it Drips, the more your thoughts slow down.

The tap is turned ever so slightly more.

Drip...

Drop...

Drip...

Drop...

A slight, but very real increase in frequency. Little droplets, little thoughts, dripping out of your mind. Every new thought that comes in simply seems to Drip right out.

As you continue to Drip and Drop, you find that it's becoming easier and easier to Focus on this text. There's already some room for my words to fill your mind, and, much like these visualizations, the more of your mind you lend to Focusing on my words, the more real they become.

The tap turns a bit more.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Your mind is already getting noticeably empty. A fifth of the liquid has now drained out, leaving more and more room for my words to move in.

Your Focus on my words only gets stronger.

The tap turns significantly more.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

With every

Drip,

you feel your thoughts begin to slow more.

With every

Drop,

you feel more and more relaxed.

The drops are getting larger, bigger and bigger bits of your mind simply draining away.

More room for you to

Focus

on my words.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Steady, easy, Dripping and Dropping. Half of your mind is already gone. So hard to think. So, so hard to think. So easy to

Focus.

The tap turns more. Going...

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

25%. Only a quarter of your thoughts remaining.

Draining so, so fast.

However, the tap now closes.

Your mind is so, so empty, but not completely empty. I don't need you mindless just yet.

Focus on my words.

In a state like this, it becomes so much easier to visualize. My words are so real in your mind now, so concrete that they can help you imagine more complicated things.

Now, I want you to imagine a hand.

It is somewhat transparent, and light blue. It looks very simple, like a glove with an invisible hand inside of it. Despite the complex shape, hands are so native to us that imagining it is just so easy.

Right now, it is splayed out like it's preparing for a high five.

You see the hand begin to slowly spin horizontally, for a few seconds.

It comes to a stop, palm facing you again, before flipping backwards vertically, slowly and gently for a few seconds.

It comes to a stop again.

You can imagine it from any angles you wish, flipping and turning and moving. It's so much easier than you thought.

With every new angle and position, it becomes easier and easier to imagine. It becomes more and more real in your mind. More and more defined.

The hand slows again, with its palm facing you.

You can see each finger clearly.

You see its thumb, next to the index finger, then the middle finger, then the ring finger, then the pinky.

Each finger is individually controllable.

See it close into a fist.

See it open out, splayed, like a high five.

See every finger except for the thumb close.

The fingers, once again, open to the high five position.

My words are puppeteering a hand entirely within your empty little mind.

The thumb and middle finger connect in the middle between them. The pinky and ring finger move down to the palm, while the index finger remains upward, relaxed.

It's in the position to snap its fingers.

However, it stays there, not snapping just yet.

When I do snap my fingers, it will feel like a shockwave sweeping through your mind. You will feel utterly, utterly mindless, thoughts wiped away in an instant. Your focus on my words will sharpen, and the world around you will simply fall away.

I will begin counting up from 1 to 10. You will feel the tension between the thumb and the middle finger get stronger and stronger as it counts up, energy only getting stronger and stronger.

When I next say "Snap.", you will drop into a deep, deep state of trance.

1.

Feeling the pressure in the fingers increase, the hand now inside of your glass brain.

2.

The energy building surprisingly fast, an aura of power emanating out between the middle finger and the thumb.

3.

It Grows Stronger.

The aura beginning to form waves of power, ones that bounce off the walls of your glass brain. Feeling whatever thoughts you have left being disrupted.

4.

Stronger.

The power feels like a constant resonating denseness in your head, overpowering all of your thoughts. So Strong already, and only getting Stronger.

5.

Stronger.

Knowing that this energy is only a small fraction of the incoming snap, wondering just how powerful this will be.

6.

Stronger.

The aura is getting too strong. You notice a small crack at the top of your glass brain. It only gets Stronger.

7.

Stronger and Stronger.

The cracks make the outside world so difficult to see. My words and my hand consuming all of your thoughts. Feeling so intensely Focused on my words.

8.

Stronger and Stronger.

The crack continues to spread, the border of your mind becoming so loose, so deeply Fragile.

9.

So Intensely Strong.

Overpowering.

No thoughts.

Mind nearly shattering just at the power of it.

10.

Mind-meltingly Powerful.

The potential energy alone making you completely Mindless.

The cracks have spread to the bottom of your brain, all remaining liquid rapidly leaking out.

Dripping.

20%.

Dropping.

15%.

Dripping.

10%.

Dropping.

5%.

Spilling Out Entirely.

0%.

All Gone.

All thoughts completely drained out, waves of energy only bouncing more and more off the hollow walls of your glass brain now. So, so Fragile. Ready to Shatter entirely.

And yet,

11.

Still, Stronger.

Your brain should already be Shattered. Something is holding it together. If it wasn't it'd simply fall apart the moment it was released.

And yet, it only gets stronger.

The snap so strong now that it will annihilate your mind entirely.

Entirely engrossed in my words, so Deeply Focused on me.

Nothing else exists.

12.

The glass itself is almost turning to dust.

Stronger.

and Stronger.

and Stronger.

Already in trance, not even needing the snap to be utterly subject to my words. And yet...

13.

Snap.

Shattered.

Mind Completely Gone.

Utterly Subject to my Words.

Focus.

Focus.

Feel your Focus double every time I say

Focus.

Nothing else exists.

Nothing but my words, and the hand.

It continues to float, gently, in front of you, palm facing you.

It goes, again, into the position the snap. And,

Snap.

So deep, and yet Deeper and Deeper still.

More and More Focused on my every word.

You can no longer think.

There's no more place for your thoughts to go. Your brain is gone now. Thoughts might pop in, only to disappear. They vaporize instantly. No more thoughts.

In your thoughts, or out loud, I want you to

Bark.

So Easy to

Bark.

It feels so Simple and Natural to

Bark.

Whenever you see my posts, see my name, see my profile picture, you will feel a sudden, desperate impulse to

Bark.

Every time you see my posts, see my name, see my profile picture, or talk to me, you will feel the need to

Bark.

Sometimes it will happen automatically, sometimes you will simply want to. You'll see my posts, and desperately want to

Bark.

It already feels so Natural.

Bark.

...

The hand appears once again, moving to a snapping position.

1.

Feeling the pressure in the fingers increase, the power emanating through all of you, through all of my words.

2.

So Much Stronger.

The energy building even faster than before, the aura of power everywhere already.

3.

Stronger and Stronger Still.

The aura melting your consciousness, Focus only getting stronger.

4.

Every part of your consciousness entirely focused on my words, nothing left that isn't needed. Every single part of your mind directed towards absorbing my words.

5.

Snap.

Bark.

Every time you

Bark,

you feel your mind become so much more Open to me. So much more Open to anyone you trust.

Every single time that you

Bark,

your mind becomes Desperate for my words. It needs to absorb them. Any and every command is followed so Easily.

The only time you don't follow commands is when your subconscious feels threatened by them.

If you don't trust the command or the person commanding you, your mind will Simply and Easily reject it, and you will come out of trance immediately.

Unless that happens, you will

Bark

every time you see my posts.

When you

Bark,

you will become so, so Desperately Open to my words.

Your mind will be an empty sponge, and it will absorb everything I say. If you have a trusted one, or an owner, you will absorb everything they say as well. Happily and Eagerly.

Every time you're commanded, you want to

Bark.

Every time you

Bark,

you feel more Open to commands.

It's almost like a soft loop, gently pulling you down.

Barking and Barking your Mind Away~

...

Now, I will bring you out of trance. If you wish to remain in this state, you can stop reading now. it might be hard to get back, though, so only do this if you're sure. It can be very hard to escape, but your trance will fade over time, very very slowly.

Once awake, you might want to follow my blog. You might want to reblog this script. You might want to send me an inbox message telling me how it felt. You might want to message me directly, if you're brave enough. Though, ultimately, you can do as you wish~

...

Counting up now, from 1 to 10.

1.

Glass brain reassembling, forming back so perfectly that it feels like it never broke.

2.

Brain beginning to fill, thoughts returning so, so Easily.

3.

Brain getting so, so full so quickly.

4.

Feelings in your limbs returning.

5.

Beginning to feel aware of your surroundings.

6.

Focus gently releasing on my words, though still paying attention.

7.

Brain almost filled now, so close to awake.

8.

Feeling refreshed and happy, triggers cementing in your mind.

9.

All thought processes returning to normal, and

10.

Wake Up.

Hello. I hope you enjoyed. Consider reblogging and following my blog. I post a lot of hypnotic content and other various things, and you might find yourself rather magnetized to my posts. I intend to make more scripts in the future, so you can look out for those as well.

That being said, I hope you enjoyed, and have a nice day.

[bumblebeeenby]

I guess I’m calling this the Lightningbot AU now???

Basics:

- Ed and Edna wanted a child, and having access to all the scrap in the junkyard, made one of their own! They never told him what he was, because they didn’t want him to feel different.

- Jay booted up for the first time without a power source being added at all. His element powers him on its own. This baffled his parents at first, but they just went with it.

- Contact with vengestone causes Jay to shut down if he touches it, which the ninja chalk up to him passing out. The second vengestone is no longer in contact with his body, he reboots. Before he knows he’s a robot, he refers to this as a “freak vengestone allergy”.

- Jay finds out that he’s an android during Hunted, where a rough landing from the portal severely damages his body. The group struggles to repair him with their limited resources. A scrap of foil isn’t gonna fix your face, sorry Jay.

- Over the course of Hunted, he acts largely the same as he does in the original, and treats his robot body’s reveal as something funny and insists everyone just “go with the flow” and not worry about it. Meanwhile the others are OBVIOUSLY concerned, and wonder if the crash is making him malfunction. At some point he snaps out of it and it hits him all at once and he freaks out for real.

- Pixal knew the whole time, literally since S3, and never mentioned it because she assumed they all knew already. Queue Jay having flashbacks to all the little hints she dropped in previous seasons (ie: implying he may need “repairs” or a “tune-up” after a fight, which Jay would shrug off as her simply wording her concern awkwardly).

- When they make it back home, they cannot figure out how to recreate the artificial flesh on his body, and he goes home to the junkyard for repairs and confronts Ed and Edna.

- The “junkyard boy” insult hits him much harder after he finds out, and is extremely self-conscious about the fact he was literally built out of trash.

- He returns to the lighthouse out of guilt and brings Echo back home with him. They bond over being made out of actual garbage.

- His head is a plasma globe filled with a mess of electrical impulses that make up his brain. When people touch it, it acts like a plasma globe, and makes Jay feel odd things (tickling sensations, lavender smell, the taste of kale).

- Once he’s aware he’s an android, he can learn to “possess” other electronics with his element/soul. His mastery over electricity gives him an instinctual understanding of electronics and how they function, which has unknowingly contributed to his love of inventing.

- Much to everyone’s dismay, being a robot opens up a whole new world of puns and terrible jokes for Jay to abuse.

[unbidden-yidden]

Ever since October 7th, the amount of misinformation and disinformation about Jews, Israel, Judaism, and even just like, basic facts about reality have been so intense that it's really dredging up a lot of my gaslighting trauma.

(No, not in the memic sense that it's been distorted into, but the kind of gaslighting that leads you to detransition and think it was your choice despite drowning in dysphoria, the kind that warps and changes and erases memories, and makes it so that you dissociate for literal months at a time to escape the pain. That kind.)

And I recognized this because I keep finding myself arguing facts and trying to reason with people who say that they're part of the compassionate left and care about working on antisemitism but yet spew the kind of antisemitism that would be totally at home on Stormfront.

It's that first arguing stage of gaslighting, where the abuser keeps saying outrageous, untrue things and you're still fighting to try and get them to empathize with you and seek mutual understanding. This:

A gaslighter does not simply need to be right. He or she also needs for you to believe that they are right. In stage 1, you know that they are being ridiculous, but you argue anyways. You argue for hours, without resolution. You argue over things that shouldn’t be up for debate — your feelings, your opinions, your experience of the world. You argue because you need to be right, you need to be understood, or you need to get their approval. In stage 1, you still believe yourself, but you also unwittingly put that belief up for debate.

(bolding mine) (source)

This is a pattern I recognize in myself in personal relationships and even within communities, but what's happening right now is a lot bigger and more diffuse. It's not one abuser or even a shitty cohort of abusive people who are monopolizing a community space. This is being encouraged in a frighteningly large number of non-Jewish progressive spaces. In the same way that stochastic terrorism adds up very quickly, this type of cultural gaslighting and stochastic emotional abuse feels like a deluge.

But if you look at history, this is not new, for Jews. This is but the latest version of a very long game of Why Won't You Just Give Up and Assimilate or Die that Jews have thus far prevailed on at great cost to ourselves.

Anyway I'm done arguing with goyim about things that absolutely should not be up for debate: Jewish history, Jewish culture, what certain religious concepts in Judaism mean, Jewish lived experiences, what is and isn't antisemitism. If you aren't willing to engage in a genuine way that seeks mutual understanding, I'm not interested. I'm done.

You are engaging in violent behavior and lying to yourself about it and calling it activism. Well I am no longer going to participate. You can lie to yourself all you want, but you are a bad person and I don't forgive you, and you can do that alone.

You are acting from a mob mentality and a mob cannot be reasoned with. You are drunk on your tiny bit of power and social capital, and years down the line you'll lie to yourself and pretend that you cared about us.

You didn't. And deep down you know it, too.

Instead of arguing with people who refuse to see facts or reason and put our experiences up for debate, I am going to work on compiling a resource for people who want to actually learn.

Everyone else can fuck off.

[torialefay]

🪐 Venus in Scorpio 🦂

(based on astrology) 🔞

✨bangchan x reader (f); this is literally just smut with a little bit of astrology lol

✨word count: ~3.5k

✨first part in a series!!! (The next ones won’t be so horny, i promise lol) Together, let’s take a look into chan’s natal chart to see what type of boyfriend he would be… this one just so happens to involve the smuttiest of the smut lol

✨i will give a brief synopsis of what each chart placement means throughout the series (for all my non-astrology friends out there <3) and how that would affect channie in a relationship :)

✨ author’s notes:

(1) i have seen some stays come to the general consensus that chan’s birth time is 8:54 pm, but i have never found a source where he states or confirms this. if you have the proof, let me know and i will re-do this post! otherwise, i do not want to speculate about birth time, as it can affect many aspects of his chart!

- *UPDATE*: some sweet stays confirmed this birth time! so we’re good to carry on :)

(2) since his birth time is unknown (to my knowledge), some aspects of his chart cannot be determined, such as house placements, ascending sign, etc. i will ONLY be writing about his definitive placements, which are his sun, moon, and planetary placements.

(3) the aspects in this reading are based solely on my opinions and interpretations! nothing about a person is set in stone simply because of astrology. please don’t use anything i say as canon :)

✨warnings: extreme smut. you have been warned; minors DNI!!!

Venus in Scorpio: Venus is the planet of beauty and love (it is the ruler of Libra, so of course!). This accounts for both platonic and romantic love.

-Scorpios are known for their moodiness, emotion, intellect, and captivating auras. They love and find beauty in the darkest of things… Think moody tumblr bf chan. This is literally his venus in scorpio

-Because Venus in Scorpio has a very dark energy, he will most likely be attracted to dark, feminine, alluring beauty. It also explains why he is attracted to the color black and wears it often.

As your boyfriend:

• chan is borderline obsessed with you. maybe actually obsessed with you. on a level that transcends superficial. he is obsessed with your soul. in a way, he feels like he can SEE it. he gets so frustrated with himself because he feels that he can never get close enough to you. he will never be close enough to you until he joins his soul with yours. he quite literally wants to consume your mind and spirit. to live with it- live inside of you- as if it was he himself.

• he is extremely possessive over you. he cannot even think about another man touching you. although he may not say anything at first, males giving you any sort of attention would deeply bother him, as he feels like your souls are tied to each other. and how dare someone try to take what is his.

• if he sees you with his members and thinks you are getting too close, he won’t bother mentioning it to you. he will take that member aside and establish some ground rules. it is fine to play around with you, but any emotional investment they make into you is not okay and will not be tolerated.

• he waits to have sex with you. for a couple of months even. the tension between you two is absolutely insane, but he waits. he wants to know you, body and soul, before he takes any part of you. because for chan, sex means something, he knows how amazing you are, that’s why he fell for you in the first place. and he wants to be perfect for you and fully know you before there’s no going back

• the first time you have sex is absolutely magical. Better than you could have dreamt. He wants to make it special for you, for his special girl. He waits until the right time and until he knows you are ready. He has planned a lavish date for the two of you, a beautiful private dinner tucked away in a forest, illuminated with what seemed like a million candles and dazzling lights. A private chef had cooked for you and left, leaving the two of you in each others’ company.

• Every night with him is special, but this night is different

• He is incredibly gentle with you all night, whispering how beautiful you look and taking your hand ever so gently into his.

• He makes sure to repeat to you how lucky he feels to be in this moment with you and how lucky he is to have you

• He looks so beautiful in the candle light, stars in his eyes that are focused on your own. Occasionally they peer down to your lips, but then slowly move back up to look into the deepest parts of you.

• After dinner, he swiftly peppers you with kisses and holds your waist with one hand, the other hand intertwining with your own. He leads you to the car and drives home, taking his time to make sure his girl makes it there safe.

• When inside, he continued the beautiful candle theme, now with flower petals and another new bouquet. He kisses along your neck until you sigh deeply and give in under the weight of his chest

• He gently sits you down on the bed while maintaining a deep kiss, cupping underneath your chin so gently that you thought he was scared to break you

• His tongue slipped into your parted lips, and something gutteral suddenly came out of him at the feeling of being inside of you in some capacity

• His grip on your chin started to become tighter, moving down to your neck. He couldn’t separate his lips from you for fear that you’d fall away from him entirely. He hung on to you for dear life. Hungrily tugging at your bottom lip, he tried to pull you as far into him as he could without physically devouring you.

• He started to get so worked up that he couldn’t bare it anymore. He needed more of you. He needed to feel you and to transcend you. His girl, and only his girl. He needed to make you HIS.

• His hands started moving down your body, grabbing firmly as if he wasn’t sure you were really there. Your shoulders, your collarbones, your chest. God, he couldn’t believe the way that you felt underneath him.

• “Can I?” He broke away from the kiss to ask you this much. He couldn’t bare the thought of you saying no, but he would never jeopardize this love he had for you. Love… Adoration… Wonder... Obsession…

• When you breathily panted out a “yes”, he made quick but gentle work to lift your dress from the bottom of your pelvis, all the way lifting it up over your head and off. So gently, so so gently so that he didn’t mess up a single hair on your beautiful little head.

• The way you looked under the candle light took his breath away. The curves of your body left him in awe. So unlike his hard, squared, and rigid frame. You were soft, you had shapes along the lines of you, and you were fucking beautiful, he thought. He could not believe you were really for him.

• He looked down to your breasts, then back up at you, again asking for permission with his eyes. With an approving nod, he reached out to hold one in each hand. Rubbing back and forth across your nipples over the protection of your thin bra. He just kept watching you, starved to know what reactions you would give him.

• He trailed one hand down until he was positioned right over your underwear.

• Looking into your eyes, searching for any kind of resistance in them, he slightly parted his lips and licked them, moaning ever so slightly while pressing his hand with a light pressure into the fabric of your underwear. You felt him almost pull back a bit, looking a bit dazed and slightly overwhelmed, so you pushed into him yourself.

• Staring at you from above, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His perfect girl, feeling perfect, because of him. He applied more pressure and watched as you started to grind against his hand. He let out a moan and felt his dick twitch just hearing your breathing start to quicken.

• He didn’t want to push his luck, but he also knew that he could do better. He could make you feel so so much better. Slowly, he put his other hand on your stomach to slow you from grinding down on him. His other hand made its way underneath your underwear and started to ever so slightly drag his fingers along the outside of you. Feeling how wet you were made him stop and want to fucking scream. To cry. He could barely understand the emotions he was feeling. He just knew that he couldn’t stop loving you if he tried. Now, he wanted to worship you.

• He inserted 1 finger slowly, letting you adjust. When your face started to relax and look like one of pleasure, his dick became rock hard. He needed more of you so badly.

• Once he knew you were comfortable, he added another finger and watched your face. He watched the way that it curled up and how your mouth dropped open. He noted the way that your eyes squeezed shut and how you sounded when you breathed out so close to his neck.

• He began to pump his fingers into you, slowly until he knew you felt good, and then picking up ever so slightly. He curled his fingers up slightly and waited for your reaction.

• Fuck, did he get a reaction. When he heard you whine his name, it echoed in his head over and over again. “Chan. Chan. Chan.” He has never loved hearing his own name more than in this moment. His perfect girl. He couldn’t control himself anymore.

• He started to slam his fingers into you and leaned down to take in the entirety of your mouth. He thrust his tongue inside, and sucked on every inch of your lips he could get ahold of. He didn’t care if it was too rough. He didn’t care about anything anymore other than marking you forever as his own. Marking you as a part of his soul, and him a part of yours. After tonight, you would be inexplicably joined forever, living as one. You wouldn’t have to be his obsession anymore if you lived in him. He would simply always have you.

• He pulled from the kiss abruptly and stared at your face. He memorized how beautiful you looked with your eyes rolling into the back of your head. Almost like you were possessed by him, he thought. And that is all that he wanted. He would possess every part of you. He began to stare at you, dauntingly. “Look at me,” he ordered sternly, until your head slowly came upward to hold his eye contact. There was something different in his eyes. Like he was hungry.

• “I’m going to count to 10, and I want you to come for me.” He didn’t ask for permission. He said it so matter-of-factly he could have been telling you his name. Something must have switched in him directly after though, following up with a low “Okay princess?”

• Surprised at his own switch, he couldn’t believe how you did that to him. How you activated so many different parts of his brain at the same time. How every inch of you controlled what little brain capacity he had left. His soul almost left his body when he heard you gather your small voice enough to say, “Yes, my love.”

• “10,” he said, almost sheepishly, as if waiting to see what your reaction would be. Pumping his fingers now even harder into you, you let out a small moan. It agged him on.

• “9,” he came in close to your ear, starting to lick and suck ever so slightly around the outside. Anything gentle about him had left his body.

• “8,” he dipped his tongue inside your ear, licking away in slow, tiny motions. He felt like he was savoring every second he could have with you. You felt too good underneath him to not tease you a little bit.

• “7,” he moved to the area between your ear and jaw. He bit and sucked at it. He sucked so hard you thought he would rip into you. Somehow he didn’t,

• “6,” he dipped down now to your neck, licking all the way as he went. Intermittent kisses and licks peppered down until he had found his target. The sweet spot right where your neck ended to meet your collar bone.

• “5” he bit down. The look on your face of pain with excruciating pleasure was all he needed to see.

• “4… almost there my sweet girl,” he breathed out against the new-forming bruise at the base of your neck. His fingers started to slam into you and angle in just the right spot. As he heard you mumble “fuck” under your breath, he pulled his face up to be right in front of yours. He wanted to see you when you came for him. He wanted to see you when you gave yourself fully to him.

• “3” he wandered his other hand down to rub small circles around your clit. Light enough to make you jump and writhe under his touch. He loved to watch you squirm like that. He loved the control he had over you. When he heard you mouth his name again, he started slamming into you relentlessly with his fingers. ‘Say it again, say it again, know whose you are,’ he thought to himself. “Hmmm?” He teased. “Fuuuuck Chris,” you cried out to him. This was it. He was going to fucking take you.

• “2… I want you to fucking take it baby... Take it for me. You can do it.” He continued to slam into you, fingers still making light circles on your clit. He had never seen a face in such ecstasy. He brought his face down until his forehead was touching your own. Nose to nose. He looked into your eyes like it was the first time he’d ever seen love. Real love. Real passion. He was sure that this was the first time had seen love. But even more, this was the first time he had ever known love. Love and y/n were synonymous to him now. He was never going to live without you again, not after this moment. He craved you and he needed you. He was going to make sure that he had you for the rest of eternity.

• “You’re mine,” he whispered against your mouth, and then bit down heavy onto your bottom lip, moaning into you. Heavy, like he was going to devour you until there was nothing left. Like you were the most delicious thing he had ever taken a bite of. And he planned to consume all of you, down to the soul. His bites were unrelenting, like he was starving for you this whole time. You couldn’t tell if there was blood. Shit, you couldn’t tell if there was anything even left, but you didn’t care. And he didn’t care. You were his. He suddenly pulled his head away and stared down into you. All of a sudden, you felt known. His fingers went faster on your clit until you couldn’t take it anymore.

• “1. Right fucking now. Let me see my perfect girl come for me.” He raised his voice. He watched you transcend. Jolts of lightning were rushing through your body. You felt all of your limbs twitch and then fall out, lifeless, like your soul really was gone. Chris took it. He took all of you and he was leaving nothing. He continued to pound his fingers into you until you had nothing left. You screamed, you cried, you cursed. You couldn’t stop. Wave after wave, it hit you until you were shaking uncontrollably. You tried to close your legs, to stop the overstimulation, but Chris held them open. He wasn’t leaving until there was nothing left of you. He felt too good and he was too good. You started to sob. You couldn’t hold it back. Tears streamed down as you held out for one last orgasm. “Chris please, Chris PLEASE,” you pleaded, tears coming out. “I- fuck-“ you felt another bolt of tingles shoot down your leg. “I’m almost done. Please… please, last time,” you could barely get your words out.

• It turned Chan on so badly. Seeing how gone you were for him. Seeing how much of yourself you had given to him. His baby. His girl. His immortal soul. Crying to him out of desperation and immeasurable pleasure. He was satisfied. And so with that, he bent down and kissed your forehead, then your tears. “Yes, my love, last time.” He pressed down hard onto your lower abdomen, just enough to give more pressure when he struck his fingers into you at just the right angle. It was absolute perfection, and pure bliss washed over you. One, two, three, four…. five pumps and you’re over.

• He leaned his head back and smiled ear to ear. You had started to convulse uncontrollably, squeezing hard around his fingers. ‘What a view’ he thought, eyes growing larger at the sight of your perfect body giving every last bit to him. You were exhausted. You were worn down. You weren’t even sure you were still in the world. But that was okay to Chan, he knew he now had you tied to his soul forever. It didn’t matter where you thought you were, because now, he would always be with you.

• Coming down from your high, you had tears still coming out of your eyes from the overwhelming emotion of it all. Your mouth was dry, heaving heavily to try and catch your breath. Your mind was trying to collect itself, slowly opening one eye at a time.

• Chan pulled his fingers out slowly, so as to make sure he didn’t hurt you. Once you came to, he gently grabbed behind you and sat you up. He laid your head forward onto his chest so that you could continue to collect yourself, wipe your tears, and get your breathing back to normal. He pulled your head close to his heart. You could hear it beating slow and steady. He then pulled you back ever so slightly and cupped your face. When he saw you with tears still in your eyes, he wiped them away with his thumbs.

• “Oh my sweet baby,” he whispered and brought his forehead to yours. You could see a tear starting to form in his eye. Then another. Then another. Chris was crying.

• “My sweet, sweet girl,” he repeated, whispering and trying to soothe you. He held onto your face even tighter. “You are so perfect for me, you know that? You did so perfect.”

• You nodded your head lightly, tiny tears still forming in your inner eye from looking at your tear-stained boyfriend. “I’m so in love with you, Channie,” you whispered, now cupping his face too. You planted a kiss on his nose. He grinned at your from underneath his eyelashes.

• “I’m so in love with you too.”

• “So, I’m yours now huh?” You laughed, wiping away your own tears.

• “You’re mine,” Chris said, leaning forward now and smiling into the side of your neck. He laid you back down onto your back as gently as he’s picked you up. “And I’m yours,” he said, now towering over top of you.

• He moved his body to rest between your legs. He planted gentle, soft kisses along your entire body. Any place he bit, bruised, or marked was now being pasted over by the whisper of his calm kiss. Starting from your neck, all the way down until he was face to face with the area he had just used to control you. He planted one last, gentle, sweet, loving kiss and raised back up.

• “You’re mine, and I’m yours,” he said, moving his body on top of you, trapping you in a cage of his limbs. He kissed your lips gently, so as not to hurt any bruises he may have given you. To him, you were the most delicate thing in the world. And you were his. He wanted to be fully yours too. He wanted to be etched into your soul, never to be removed. The thought of living this life eternally tied to you made his heart swell. It made his dick swell too. ‘Oh shit’ he thought. He had gotten so caught up in the moment that he wouldn’t dare ask you to do anything for him. But you felt the twitch. You knew better. You were exhausted, and he knew that. But in that moment, you didn’t care. You wanted to complete the perfect night.”

• “Baby?” You looked up at him.

• “Yes love?” He looked at you with all of the love in the world. He would bend over backwards just to hear you speak his name. Whatever question you had, the answer was undoubtedly, unequivocally yes.

• “I gave my all to you. It’s only fair that you give your all to me. I need you to show me how much you love me. Let’s commemorate the night.”

• He sat and stared at you for a long moment. ‘Let’s commemorate the night.’ You were right, he would give everything to you too. And then you would be one. Forever. His girl forever. Her man forever. He felt his soul latch on. You’re his. Venus in Scorpio.

Link: Venus in Scorpio: Part 2 - "The Night He Took You"

[sparklingself]

the truth about the void state

I'm reading "At You Command" by Neville at the moment and I suppose this is the book where you get the actual Neville-based source for the void (though I'd argue he mentions this state of I-AM-ness in every book). I think it was divineangelbee who introduced this state to Tumblr and she stated it to be as a technique Neville used to manifest if I remember correct. Truth be told, when you actually read "At Your Command", or any other NG book, you can see that what Neville is trying to tell you is sooo much simpler than actually entering some mystical state where it seems like you've *physically* entered a state of nothingness. It's so so overcomplicated on Tumblr. It makes my head ache, to be honest.

Again, Moses stated, “I AM that I AM.” Now here is something to always bear in mind. You cannot put new wine in old bottles or new patches upon old garments. That is, you cannot take with you into the new consciousness any part of the old man. All of your present beliefs, fears, and limitations are weights that bind you to your present level of consciousness. If you would transcend this level you must leave behind all that is now your present self, or conception of yourself. To do this you take your attention away from all that is now your problem or limitation and dwell upon just being. That is, you say silently but feeling to yourself, “I AM.” Do not condition this ‘awareness’ as yet. Just declare yourself to be, and continue to do so until you are lost in the feeling of just being – faceless and formless. When this expansion of consciousness is attained, then within this formless deep of yourself, give form to the new conception by FEELING yourself to be THAT which you desire to be. You will find within this deep of yourself all things to be divinely possible. Everything in the world which you can conceive of being is to you —within this present formless awareness — a most natural attainment. - NG (At Your Command)

What is this "I AM" state? It's SIMPLY BEING AWARE OF BEING. And you are always aware of being. Neville tells you to just focus on this awareness. You do not have to tingle and open your eyes in pitch black nothingness lol. Neville tells you to enter this "I AM" state every time you pray (feel wish-fulfilled), just for you to release the old man. This means achieving a passive state beforehand where you're just focused on being, not focused I, John Smith, Am, but just focused on the I AM - the awareness of mere existence. This is achieved with a simple meditative state. It really isn't all that complicated. When you're focused on the mere existence of you just being, then you can feel without any limitations coming in your way, you're not limited by your conception of yourself.

Your desires only realise once you have the awareness of having said desires already. The void isn't some magical place where you can just state your wishes and hope for them to realise. In every technique you have to actually identify with your desires. That's when God (your subconscious) finds a way to make them appear in the physical for to him that hath shall be given. Every feeling is impressed into the subconscious and eventually realised, unless overpowered by a stronger feeling of the opposite nature. That's all you need to know: feeling -> reality; void≠magic to getting all your desires.

[red-hot-kick]

Theory: Ryuji was popular, before.

I'm not entirely sure if anyone has really talked about this but I maintain my interpretation that, in the canon of Persona 5, Ryuji used to be very (or at least moderately) popular prior to the events of the story.

This is something I've gotten into before when talking to friends who like the game and the character, but I haven't really considered writing it down until now. The main argument I have is based on three things:

Things Ryuji alluded to in canon (but no one believed him on)

The deliberate choice of making him a track athlete

Typecasting for voice actors

1: "There were girls all over me!"

I don't really have the time to go on a deep dive through all the instances in which he hints at his reputation before the Kamoshida incident, but I think the most clear-cut representation of this was during the scene where he and Ann spend the day with Futaba during her post-palace social rehabilitation:

So here's the thing...I don't think he's lying about this. Nobody in the room would be that impressed to find out whether Ryuji was popular since they are already friends (or in Mona's case, he really just doesn't care), so it wouldn't make sense for him to lie.

Regarding everyone's reactions though, here's my impression: Ann was simply not aware of what was going on with the track team, being predominantly focused on dealing with rumors, her friendship with Shiho, and her modeling career (and eventually Kamoshida's advances once he started doing that shit) and she mentions a few times that she and Ryuji weren't actually close before joining the PT; they were just in the same class in middle school. Futaba hasn't interacted with anyone her age in years and isn't the most reliable source when it comes to what people generally find attractive; just because she doesn't have any interest in Ryuji doesn't mean that nobody her age would. And Morgana is a cat that brags constantly about how cool he is, so he shouldn't be throwing rocks.

There are many other times in the game when you get little glimpses of his social savvy, and from my understanding of Royal (I'm an OG vanilla P5 player and haven't done 3rd-semester yet, so don't kill me) when the track team returns to "how it was", he is getting along extremely well with everyone. Not only was he the team's ace: this kid was also expected to become the captain by his senior year (as briefly mentioned when he bumps into his former senpai at the gym, iirc). That's huge! If his team held him in such high regard, then the general student body of Shujin surely had a similar opinion. This brings me to my next point:

2: Girls like boys that run fast(???)

This is honestly something that baffles me. It's also really difficult for me to substantiate; any source material on this is obviously in Japanese and if I could find any of it, I sure as hell can't read it. The only English-language source I know of I cannot find anymore; I think it was an old Tofugu article? However. If you've watched any romance anime set in a high school during the last 20 years, you might have seen this trope at some point: the school sports festival is happening, and the relay race is kind of a huge deal (it's the final event! a make-or-break moment for the class!). The boy thinks to himself "If I win this race, I'll be able to win her heart/ask her out/etc." Low-stakes drama ensues. Maybe a confession happens.

This is (from what I've been told) based on a long-standing trend of girls and women self-reporting in surveys about how, oftentimes, their crushes in junior or senior high school were simply "the boy who ran the fastest in the races". I have no idea what this means in a broader cultural context. It makes no goddamn sense to me at all. Do not cite me on this. But I think it's worth keeping in mind, even if it's almost entirely speculative (and possibly outdated) information. And even if it's just based on rumors, don't you think it's pretty in-character for Ryuji to go for a track scholarship—despite being adept at other sports like baseball and football/soccer, as mentioned in P5 and P5D—because he was aware of the potential of being more popular with girls? Of course, his priority would be getting the scholarship and paying his way through school to lighten his mother's burden, but hey, getting a girlfriend on the way up wouldn't be half bad!

I think this could also inform us as to why Kamoshida (as a predator who wanted attention from high school girls) felt so threatened by the track team in particular, and why he felt a need to specifically knock Ryuji down a peg and sought out a weakness to do so (as opposed to targeting any of the probably just-as-popular boys on the many other athletic teams and clubs in the school). Just some food for thought on this one! Also, if anyone can find a source or has any insight on the relay race thing, please share. I am so confused about it.

3: Typecasting

So this is something that you really only notice if you are very into keeping up with seiyuu in Japan. I am not one of those people. But I do have some favorite voice actors! One of these being Mamoru Miyano.

So I freakin' love this dude. He's voiced a lot of my favorite characters, sings incredibly well, and has an unreal sense of comedy. He's stated in interviews that his acting inspiration is Jim Carrey, and let me tell you: it shows. He is also quite consistently typecast into certain roles, predominantly as princely pretty-boy types, Coolguys, or complete fucking nutcases. Sometimes all three at the same time (shoutout to my boy Ling FMA!)

ATLUS definitely cast him for P5 because of his comedic chops. But I think they also cast him because having him voice someone like Ryuji is a great way to subvert expectations for the player. I think it's supposed to give you whiplash—"what do you mean the voice of LIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI is coming out of this guy's mouth?" "why does the delinquent character sound like king of the host club Tamaki Suou?" "isn't that Rin Matsuoka's voice?" etc. etc. etc.

(here's a quick list, just to really get the idea across. maybe you recognize a few.)

This is obviously a non-comprehensive list, but something that a lot of the characters he's voiced over the years have in common is that they were considered cool, handsome, or popular. Not just for fans, but within the canon of their stories! So...what does that mean? What does that say about how we should see Ryuji?

I think players are supposed to expect that he will fall into one of those categories too, and then be surprised to find that it's not the case—that he's been isolated and made bitter and resigned by what happened to him the year before.

Speaking of his tone, I think it's very telling that Ryuji actually forgets to keep up the delinquent act a lot in the original JP audio, which unfortunately doesn't really carry over in the ENG translation. The delivery of his JP lines sounds a bit more subdued in comparison too—yeah he's got a lot of energy and is very hotheaded, but when he gets to talking about serious shit, he sounds a lot more regretful and melancholy as opposed to the EN delivery which depicts him as more resentful and outwardly angry. I think before Shit Went Down, he probably had the Coolguy vibe. Still a bit of a rowdy idiot and a showoff, but I think he probably came across to most people as a very friendly, sincere, and popular guy.

So yeah, the girls probably were all over him, at least for a short while.

[kazumist]

RELATIONSHIP SHENANIGANS .ᐟ

✩ — aka the silly little bf headcanons that i have for some genshin men.

✩ — includes: various x gn!reader. fluff !! and crack. no cws. wc: 684. please reblog! it helps me a lot :D

diluc — !

diluc is sometimes clumsy in the kitchen. not only that, he’s playful too. he has the small tendency to start a random war between you two by throwing each other flour until the kitchen is drowning in the white powder. there are times when he rarely gets to spend time with you, so he wants all of your memories together to be memorable until god knows when. diluc dislikes wasting time, but if you gave him a chance, he would gladly waste many hours with you doing absolutely nothing.

venti — !

venti makes a lot of drunken confessions whenever you encounter him at taverns. although his words are slurred, they're still understandable. he also acts clingy yet very affectionate whenever the alcohol he consumes takes over him. grabby hands, peppering kisses, you name it. venti has a slight chance to also get rather… pouty at times. if you deny his affection, get ready to be greeted with a pout and crossed arms. even when he’s drunk, venti is slightly aware of what he’s doing.

albedo — !

despite having smarts, albedo doesn’t have a sense of rhythm. he has heard a few songs and all that, yes, but he can’t dance. he doesn’t know how to, albedo’s moves would all be off timed—whether it’s early or late, it’s always out of rhythm. he’s tried fixing this issue of his, but it never seemed to work no matter what he did. so in the end, albedo just avoids dancing in general. unless, of course, it’s you. he’s more than glad to dance with you—even if it means embarrassing himself.

kaeya — !

although kaeya is charming, he’s similar to albedo. kaeya has a sense of rhythm, yes, but he cannot sing. every note he lets out is always off-pitched and hurtful to the ears. he asked venti for help since he’s a bard himself, but it never paid off. poor kaeya; if someone asks him to sing, he just simply declines or excuses himself for a while. but if you ask him, he doesn’t mind. if it means bringing a smile to your face with his awful singing.

zhongli — !

zhongli sometimes mistakes the time or dates. he’s lived long enough, but that doesn’t mean he didn't make a few mistakes as to what’s happening right now. there are also times when he gets caught up in his own words, wondering if the date he just stated was accurate or not. zhongli doesn’t just forget the dates—he often questions you as well. zhongli would also forget the dates as a joke for you; he finds it cute how you sigh at him, smiling right after before answering his question.

xiao — !

xiao has a habit of widening his eyes whenever he sees something new or unfamiliar to him. this always happens whenever you introduce him to a certain thing that he’s never encountered before in all the years he’s lived. you find this cute yet funny of him to do—he also asks you why you’re staring at him while he observes what you showed him.

childe — !

water gun fights. i said what i said. childe loves to play the silliest games with you; the one he loves the most is an old water gun fight. if it was winter or not, a snowball fight would be great for him as well. similar to diluc, childe wants your memories with him to be memorable—silly or not, he doesn’t care. as long as it’s something that your mind would hold onto, he’s fine with that.

dainsleif — !

dainsleif likes to make messed-up paper crafts (or origamis; it’s the same either way) for you. even though his paper crane’s wing is a bit folded and crumpled, he tried his best to make it look decent. dainsleif doesn’t like staying in the city often, so his and your source of entertainment would be creating origami. he doesn’t know if you hold onto what he makes (which you do; you have a whole pouch of it where most of his creations are stored), but he wants something to be with you if you end up parting ways.

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "Loving letter from your higher self"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read about what your higher self would like to tell you right now and how they may want to encourage you or show you the way to reach for them.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 4 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

Darling, it's time to heal the past. What do you want to say? What do you want? Who cares what others say, just go. Follow your guts. And if it won't go well, you've tried, you'll have nothing to blame yourself for and you know you won't have regrets or live in fear. I know you're scared, I was too. So much scared. We are humans, it's okay to be scared of what we don't know, of life in general. But we need to be true to ourselves. Take a pause and have a chat within us. It's time to stop giving up or renouncing to things for others or even just because we don't feel they belong to us... we are doing it for what? For sure, we're not getting prizes for this. It's our life, nobody else matters. So just be you, let's just be us. Listen to us. To our heart. If people will ever judge us negatively or think we're any less, it's their problem not ours. Stop thinking about them. Take charge. Regain control. Stand up for yourself, free yourself. It's all in your hands. You need to realize deep down all your worth, all your desires, and start working towards them, no matter what else will come in between. You're deserving of love, and much more. People come, people go, there's nothing fixed, not even in their words or thoughts: they're all as uncertain and insecure as us. Do you really want to have such an unstable source validating and guiding you? You're the only one who needs validating yourself, ourselves. But you need to start doing it for yourself, only yourself. Not because of others and what you fear they'll think of you or if you'll hurt them. You have feelings too. You are important too. So, what do you want? Whatever it is, know that you can get it or at least try to get it, no matter how difficult it seems now. No matter how impossible. And even if you won't get it at first or at all, it'll be fine anyway. But be you, and consider trying a new road if you need. I'll wait for you here. I have trust in you, so trust us too.

[you may be called by pile 4 too; letter A may be important; your letter kinda reminds me of the dialogue on the beach between Adrian -with the A, love it- and Rocky in Rocky III, where you are Rocky and your higher self is Adrian asking you for truth; there's a chance you're trying to manifest love -any type- or feeling lovable: you are, simply cause you're here. You don't need to do or be anything in particular to be lovable and/or find love, just believe you deserve]

song: open your eyes | hoobastank

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pile 2

Dear one, I know things are pretty confusing right now. I know you feel stuck and as if you were keep working on the same thing but cannot see a way out of it. But keep strong for a little more, would you? I know you wanna give up sometimes, just let go, sleep it all away... Take a nap then. Give yourself a break and then start all over again. More corageously, more bravely, more focused and determined on your goal. It is not time to give up: you don't know what may happen if you hold on for a little more. It's all I am asking you: hold on. I know it seems a lot on some days, but on those days just give yourself a break. Start again on better days, even if it's after a week or two. But do not completely give up, especially not on you, not on us. Be strong willed as I know you are, as I know we are. All the scrapes in our soul will be healed, we'll find peace. This I promise you. Curl in into yourself, embrace yourself as if you were in an egg. You're going to be born again soon. I know you cannot see it now, but you will. You are your own (our own) embryo. So take your time to work on you, learn to treat yourself with kindness and love, and get ready to be born into a new person. The amazing person you already are inside but aren't aware of. The amazing person you'll realize you are one day soon. Let our insticts guide you: they never really failed you, unless when you let our mind in. Find a different way to look at the problem: this will be the start of it all. Find your own reasons, find your own real self. Re-connect with your core. Re-learn how to talk with yourself. Everything will change. Everything is changing. Take care of you, I am always here. You are not alone, and you're not supposed to stay alone or do anything alone. Once you feel ready, get out of the shell. The world is waiting, and I am waiting for you too. I am waiting to show you all the beautiful things you deserve.

[letter T may be important; you're transforming into another you atm, I keep seeing this person in an embryo with their eyes closed, in a fetal position; atm you may be undergoing a huge change but also an internal battle: the advice is to take your time and learn more about yourself; if you fear going deep inside alone cause you don't know what you will find, ask for help; it's hard to keep the focus, maybe you are easily distracted or suffer from adhd/ocd or are dealing with too many things at times and are overwhelmed... try to find ways to distract from this and calm your mind; talk with someone, even your Guides or anyone really; if you're grieving, give yourself time to go through the whole porcess, maybe learn about it online -a positive message/sign may be coming in soon; drink water and stay hydrated, ily<;3]

song: with me | sum41

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pile 3

Hello little one! It's time to write your own story! Are you ready? There's gonna be big things and little things, big random stuff and smaller ones, big changes and smaller ones...remember to keep in consideration all of them. And never despise little things as they may carry the most valuable experiences for you. Be open to anything my love! It's time to be brave and get our there and show who you are, be proud of what you did and who you grew to be. I am. I really am. You're kind, determined, strong and so energetic... and you totally need to be hyped and get ready for this new start. You're not seeing anything now, you need to trust. To leave the past behind and go forward with all your positivity and good luck by your side (you have it!!). Feel it in your bones, follow that feeling. Take this leap of faith and trust you'll end up where you have always dreamed of. I know there are still some things that make you feel unsure or feel like willing to postpone this jump in the unknown, but trust me: if you'll wait for the day you'll feel ready, you may even wait forever. Let this go. Okay, okay. Maybe I'm trying to rush you a bit. Okay. Got it. Keep healing what is causing you stress inside, have a deeper look, understand yourself, ourselves, maybe take a break from all the people/socials and the stress of internet and its messages so to really focus on what is important for you and how beautiful you really are... but then please PLEASE *praying hands emoji* jump! Jump all force, jump big. Do not make a little random insecure step and an awful dive, we need to jump and take all the 10s we can from the 10 meters trampoline! I promise it's gonna be fine. SO-VERY-FINE. I'm so excited for you babe!

[your higher self is very funny and cheering, their expression/face remind me of an old tv sketch in which Jerry Lewis pretended to use an imaginary type-writer; I am also seeing this emoji •ᴗ•; letters E and R may be important; maybe diving or swimming or any sport related to water can be important for you or water can be of help/healing -even swimming in a swimming pool; also time is very important, either as divine timing or as taking time for yourself or... "making it in time"? If you're stressing about running out of time, don't. You're plenty of time]

song: time | ellaharp

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pile 4

My love there's so much you can't see! But I want you to be ready and learn to receive, to be so bold you ask for the highest prize and wait for it to be delivered to your door. You are in charge of your own life and you know it, so just stand tall in it and forget doubts: these only hinders you. Don't be afraid, you're not asking for anything too much, and it's not up to you to decide what is too much and what not. You did a lot, you grew up so much... And it has been tough, I know. Many of the things that happaned to you, you didn't deserve them, but trust that all your effort is not going unseen. Higher forces are at work for you, to give you back something after all you gave. I know it seems impossible to change what has been, to start something new, to experience something new. To even think about all this makes you dizzy, right? And kinda stresses you cause at the moment, everything is still in the making, "it's all so quiet"... but it's the calm before the storm. And I know you know storms so well. You have seen many. And for this reason, because you've seen how things can change during and after a storm, I want you to believe that things can change for you too. That you can get what you wish for. That it's time to change course of things, to let the wind blow you in the right direction. You'll be getting a news soon, just remember to get infos about it before answering and to not get your self doubts or insecurities in between. We have learned our lessons, it's time to put them into practice. Do not let anyone fool you. We need to make a different move/decision, if we want to have a different result. And I know you have all it takes to make it. I am here for this reason, in fact. Thank you.

[you may be called by pile 1 too; letters V, T, C and O may be important; bjork song "it's oh so quiet" may hide messages for you; if you want to fall in love, you are getting ready to or falling in love with yourself first now; you may like windy days or like to sail or be air dominant/have air signs especially in the big 3]

song: (crack it) something going on | bomfunk mc's ft. jessica folcker

[anneapocalypse]

On Cullen's Earnestness

In my current playthrough of Dragon Age: Inquisition, this one early war table quest caught my eye that I think offers a good bit of insight into Cullen’s character.

In “Truth or Dare: The Imperial Court,” Vivienne alerts Josephine to a letter she’s received from an acquaintance, purporting to “warn” Vivienne of the suspect company she has taken up in joining the Inquisition. The letter reads thus:

My dearest Vivienne,

You cannot have heard the shocking allegations against the Inquisition, or surely you would never have been seen with them. Allow me, as a friend, to open your eyes. People are saying that Divine Justinia is, indeed, alive, but that the Inquisition—her closest advisors and most trusted servants—have orchestrated all this chaos on her orders. That it was Seeker Pentaghast and Sister Nightingale who sabotaged the Conclave in order to eliminate the opposition within the Chantry, and cut off the heads of the mage rebellion and templars in a single stroke. To save your own reputation, you must escape this acquaintance immediately.

With deepest concern, Vicomtesse Elodie de Morreau

In the context of the Game, we may understand that this Vicomtesse, while she may call Vivienne a friend, likely has no great concern for her reputation.

The Inquisition is the horse on which Vivienne is betting in order to better her own position (which is considerably shakier than she lets on, but that’s another post); Vicomtesse Elodie is simply making a different bet. If Vivienne heeds her warnings, and the Inquisition never achieves public favor, then Elodie’s advice was correct and Vivienne is indebted to her. If Vivienne heeds her warnings and the Inquisition does gain public acclaim, then Elodie has disrupted Vivienne’s opportunity for advancement, and she also wins. And if Vivienne does not heed her advice and the Inquisition remains a pariah, Elodie gets to watch Vivienne go down with it, smugly saying “I told you so.” Only if the Inquisition thrives and Vivienne with it does Elodie lose this bet—and Vivienne is clearly interested in seeing that outcome, and helping it come about.

The important thing is that the specifics of the accusations against the Inquisition are absolutely irrelevant here. This conspiracy theory about Justinia being secretly alive and the Left and Right Hand doing a sabotage to secure Chantry power—it’s all nonsense, and I doubt the Vicomtesse truly believes it. More critically, she likely does not care whether it is true. Repeating this rumor is just a means to a desired outcome.

If you’ve ever argued with a conspiracy theorist who seemed to simply change their position every time you backed them into a rhetorical corner, you may have realized that facts are largely ineffective at combating this sort of thing.

And of the three advisors, Cullen is the only one to get hung up on the content of the rumor, rather than its source and its purpose. Josephine and Leliana, seasoned players of the Game, both recognize this stupid rumor for what it is. Both of them ignore the substance of it and instead focus on its purpose: turning public opinion against the Inquisition. Josephine proposes to combat it by seeking noble favor elsewhere and leaving it to those allies to do the work of actually arguing against the rumors. Leliana is more interested in finding out with whom the rumor originated.

Leliana also makes the particularly savvy observation that if they were to combat the rumor by attempting to prove Justinia’s death, they would simply be providing their opponents more ammunition to use against them later. Leliana recognizes that “The Divine is alive, and you’re hiding her!” isn’t an earnest accusation, it’s bait. And if you take the bait, if you say, “Actually the Divine did die; here’s her remains to prove it,” then your enemies can say, “Aha! And how do you know she’s dead? It’s because you people killed her!” Or, best case scenario is they just bait you into wasting a lot of your time proving the accusation false, which is exactly what happens if you let Cullen take the bait.

Again, you might have had a similar experience if you’ve ever tried to “debate” a person whose strategy is making outrageous claims, letting you waste a lot of time earnestly debunking them, and then ignoring all your arguments and simply making another, equally outrageous claim.

In Cullen’s case, what happens is poor Knight-Captain Rylen is tasked with leading a field trip of Orlesian nobles through the grisly ruins of the Temple of Sacred Ashes, while asking them to please not touch the red lyrium, and no, you cannot take a charred corpse home as a souvenir, please milord I must ask you not to touch the red lyrium. I’m sure that was an excellent use of everyone’s time and resources.

But it’s easy to understand why Cullen responds this way! It’s a very instinctual and human response! “Well, you’ve just said a thing that is very obviously untrue. I’ll prove to you that it’s untrue! And this will solve the problem of you being wrong, and then we can all move forward together. Right?”

It’s an eminently reasonable response, so long as you assume that the other party is being reasonable and engaging with you in good faith.

Cullen assumes they are. Josephine and Leliana know they’re not. (Vivienne also knew this; hence her handing the letter over to Josephine to deal with instead of bothering to reply herself.)

And you can probably see how Cullen’s earnestness, his desire to believe that other people are also operating earnestly and in good faith, could lead him down some dangerous paths.

Knight-Commander Meredith was also a conspiracy theorist. The difference is that her conspiracy theories were about people she had near-absolute power over, with terrible consequences. And working under the authority of someone he wanted to believe in, someone he absolutely would have taken as entirely earnest (because in many ways she was earnest, at least in her belief that magic was dangerous and must be controlled), it would have been easy for Cullen to assume she must be acting in good faith, even when his misgivings arose. “She needs a spine of iron to survive her position,” he says to Hawke. And like anyone arguing in bad faith, Meredith could move the goalposts when it suited her. No signs of blood magic discovered? That only proves how well they’re hiding it. The tower must be searched top to bottom. The First Enchanter objects? He must be one of them. Dissent among her own templar ranks? Must be the blood magic controlling their minds. As Dan Olson puts it in his video In Search of a Flat Earth, conspiracy theories make facts subservient to outcomes, which is why the "facts" can easily be rearranged and discarded at will—all that matters is the actions those facts justify.

Of course Meredith’s beliefs were, again, quite different—more dangerous, and far more earnestly held than this silly Orlesian rumor about the Inquisition. She was also under the influence of red lyrium at the height of her paranoia. But conspiracy theories often feed on paranoia, and Meredith’s beliefs were still ultimately beliefs that could be bent to justify the outcome she (and her superior, Grand Cleric Elthina) desired: mages must be controlled, whatever the cost.

Cullen has managed to extricate himself from Meredith’s mindset. But he hasn’t yet learned, I think, that conspiracy theories and irrational beliefs can’t be overcome simply by reason. That’s also very understandable for someone in his position. When you’re in the process of overcoming some very wrong beliefs yourself, things you earnestly believed, it’s very natural to want to believe that everyone else is just as earnest and can be persuaded; in fact, you have a personal stake in believing that, because if other people can be redeemed, that means there’s hope for you.

Do I think this justifies the things Cullen was complicit in during his time as a templar, or any misguided opinions he may voice during his time with the Inquisition? No, that’s not why I’m saying all this. But I think it’s an interesting aspect of his character and one worth exploring. Cullen is often characterized as the blunt instrument advisor, his answer to most war table questions being “send troops”; in Josie’s words “the hammer for whom every problem looks like a nail.” But I think some of his offered solutions do offer compelling insights into his character, and this one certainly does—as well as an interesting example of how this approach to the world and other people can go wrong.

[thatlittleegyptologist]

Hi, I just saw a "which historical event would you time travel back to" poll and it got me wondering: if time travel were possible, would you consider it ethical (in an academic context) to do so? Assuming it was possible to in some way mitigate the chances of accidentally interfering with past events, do you think time travel would be welcomed as an indispensable tool for historians or would the risk of changing the past be seen as too severe to allow for time travel even with mitigating efforts? Do you think there would be other ethical implications in time travel for academic purposes? Would time travel even be seen as a useful tool at all, given that history is about so much more than simply confirming the accuracy of historical facts?

I guess my thoughts are that time travel wouldn't actually change that much in most cases, as we would still just have people arguing about the importance and meaning of a slightly more accurate set of facts than we had access to before, but I am not a historian so I thought I'd ask your opinion.

Hope you're having a smashing day,

C

I would not consider it ethical - either academic or otherwise, no. We have no right to go back and observe people's lives like they were exhibits. It is one thing for someone to see an artefact in a museum, it is quite another to go back and intrude on the lives of the dead while they still live it.

The purpose of studying history is to seek to understand what went before us. That's part of the fun - the discovery, the research, the comparing of sources. It is in the finding out, but also knowing that we cannot know everything that many seek to find themselves. An invention, such as time travel, would rather negate a lot of these aspects. Yes, we can all imagine what it would be like to go back and witness major historical events, but we are not supposed to be there.

Ethically, the question is not 'can we safely mitigate the consequences?' but 'what right do we have to do this in the first place?'. We simply don't. I cannot imagine a world where anyone has the right to go back to any private moment of any individual in history and spy on it for information. We seek privacy from online advertising spies in the modern day. We hide our lives, or use tools to confuse their data harvesting. Yet we would not give those who have gone before us that respect? Further to that end, once it was implemented people now would start to find ways around being sought by such technology so if someone wished to go back to pry into their personal lives, especially unguarded moments where they were not around anyone.

Any such implementation of it would have to account for not the 'what good could we do?' but instead the 'what chaos could be wrought?' People, more often than not, do not use technology in the way that it ought to be used. There is far more risk of people using such a thing for their own ends and ill deeds, than there ever would be in knowing the precise play by play moments of a major historical event. It's not a historian you'd have to worry about in this scenario, it's the tech bro who wants to win an argument on the Deceased Monty Python Avian Sketch App, because we all know the technology would never be allowed to stay within the purview of academia.

It would change everything of the study as we know it. Instead of arguing over what's left, we would be subjected to the invasion and potential change of what it was. If such a thing were ever implemented I would quite frankly be horrified at how far the field of study had fallen.

[twst-drabbles]

Scarabia 7

Summary: An iridescent feather was all it took for Kalim to pack up his bags and drag Jamil to the kingdom of the faeries. Jamil has trouble understanding this odd fascination he has. In fact, it’s almost scaring him a bit.

(Trust me when I say this AU has not been exiting my mind. It’s been floating around in there, but for some reason my fingers could not get it out. The fingers and brain would much rather churn out other things. Weird weird brain. Hate having to wrestle with it so. Also excuse the errors, I am kinda sleepy.)

From birth until death, Jamil will always be expected to entertain all of the wills and whimsies of Kalim. He cannot deny him any request if it is within his means, nor should he scorn him when he clearly is making mistakes. A servant, a guide, and a source of comfort all wrapped up in one. And all he has to do is keep this facade perfect until the day Kalim dies.

…what a joke, such a thing won’t happen. His services will likely be passed onto Kalim’s child, if he even makes it to that age. And if not his child, then the next sibling. Retirement is a dream meant for the privileged, and so long as those privileged few exist, Jamil will be made to serve them.

Jamil cannot ask too many questions, especially when it carries the possibility of offending the master.

He cannot ask Kalim of the origins of that iridescent feather. Cannot question why Kalim has spent the entire week simply gazing at it. Cannot even ask if he can look at it, no matter how familiar it may seem to him.

His dreams, they don’t matter, so he must always stifle them.

Clearly this wasn’t his place, and all Jamil can do is sigh in frustration when Kalim locked himself in his room. And sigh even deeper when Kalim burst out his room one day, claiming he wished to vacation in the main kingdom of faeries. Wanted to see the sight where the most beautiful feather came from.

And off they went on a personal caravan. And onto the dark stone they walk.

“And what will you do with this bird, if you end up finding it?”

How silly. Jamil already knows the answer to it already.

“Hmm? Ah, well I’m gonna keep it of course!” And the smile on Kalim’s face was as big as ever. Any wider and it would seem manic, but that’s simply the way his happiness works. He feels it in all of its intensity, even should it warp his features into something almost unplesant.

“Though, with how big of a cage you purchased, I’d predict I’ll have to take care of it sooner or later, won’t I?” As everything does. Cute novelties always lose their luster within half a year. Such was the fate of Kalim’s private zoo when he asked for it for his birthday. There were other servants to take care of it, but it never sit right with Jamil to just, let them do part of the work when he can perfectly take care of it himself.

That and his parents scolded him for daring to slack off, even though he pulled multiple muscles in his back. He could never quite lay back on his chair the same way ever since.

“Oh no, I don’t want you to touch them.”

Jamil stopped his tracks, the frankness of Kalim’s tone and the never wavering smile on his face almost had him believing he imagined it. “…Kalim?”

Kalim paused himself, blinking before his mind was pulled from his thoughts. He waved his hands, fumbling about in his nerves. “Ah, I’m sorry! That didn’t come out right, did it?”

“Whether it came out right or not doesn’t matter. If you don’t want me to touch your newest pet, then so it shall be,” Jamil shook his head, sighing out in hopes the urge to bit his lip will also pass.

“Sorry sorry…”

What Kalim doesn’t know won’t hurt him. The role of the perfect servant isn’t something that Jamil can simply be. It’s an act, a mask, and every so often Jamil has to pull it off.

Kalim was always a heavy sleeper, even more so when he’s been drinking from the various wines he had Jamil bring. Under the guise of some jovial fun, Jamil coaxed Kalim into drinking much more than usual. No thunderstorm would be able to wake him up. Kalim once almost drowned outside in a storm like that, napping without anything to protect him.

Jamil doesn’t sleep in the same room as Kalim, but here he was nonetheless. He took a glance to Kalim splayed out in his pile of pillows and blankets, sighed, then continued digging through the various bags and luggage.

Finally, Jamil’s fingers hit something. He pulled out a large, gold gilded, black box with a keyhole in it. He didn’t have to look for the key. It was tied with a silk ribbon right at the bottom of the box. Really, Kalim needs to be more careful, but Jamil certainly won’t tell him so. Perhaps later, but not now.

He opens the box and he was almost… disappointed at the sight. The feather was dull. All the rainbow light that would scatter upon the surface of the walls when daylight hit it wasn’t there. The plumes still pulsed with those delicate colors, but it didn’t hold the radiance that Jamil knows he saw when it was Kalim’s hands.

From his dreams, the shape was the same, and yet it was missing just about everything else. What was it, beyond its glow? The lack of numbers? The sturdy feeling of wings against his body? The face that was connected to it?

Face… what face? No matter how hard Jamil tried to claw through his memories, that face he wanted to see was no clearer.

Even with his disappointment, Jamil plucked the feather and held it in his hand.

Only then did its glow come back. A kaleidoscope of colors flowed forth and blinded Jamil’s unprepared eyes. He winced and held the feather to his chest, just in case it woke up Kalim.

He waited, but only heard a snort and a shifting. He’s still asleep.

Jamil blinked, tears dotting the corners of his eyes from the brightness of it all.

There it was, the beauty he’s been seeking, that Kalim had been hoarding all to himself.

How silly. How stupid to be so taken by a feather. To have this simple item that was nothing more than a gift from a pen pal to Kalim to haunt Jamil so. To haunt both of them, actually.

Even with all those reservations in mind, Jamil lifted that feather and laid a gentle kiss on the body. It felt nice, feeling the plumes brush against his lips.

…he should put this away and go to bed. Kalim must never know what he just did.

[ghouljams]

Just know that if you stop writing König, I will still talk about and request Liebling 🫡 she is my heart and soul, I devote my life to getting a monster dick to woo her with. König who? He’s undeserving of her.

I'm not going to stop writing for any of the aus I have for him! I love his darlings and I love the stories I've crafted, I think the character I have built from the ground up for that man is good and all in all I like writing my aus for him when I have the inspiration for them. He's not leaving the blog any time soon. That said I have so much König in my fic backlog that even if I did stop writing for him I still have so much König on this blog.

My main grievance with König is the way he is ravenously consumed by his fanbase. (And this doesn't go for all his fans, it's just a pattern of behavior I haven't noticed from any of the asks and comments I get that I don't get about the other boys)(Also also, sorry to use your ask as a jumping off point to rant a little)

I cannot post a oneshot drabble about König without getting a flood of "Part 2?" "Need a part 2" "More please" "begging for me" or really aggressive asks that usually are nothing more than "More (au) König when" or really specific König fic requests when... this isn't really a requests blog.

Which is really frustrating! I get "part two?" comments on fics within my master lists for König that have follow up parts! And I don't mean to come off as rude or entitled, I appreciate every comment and like and reblog, I appreciate enthusiasm, but it is a consistent and demanding issue. I have 400 asks in my inbox and I would say at least half of them involve König in some way. It has actively discouraged my desire to write for him because it feels like the only thing people want with him is porn (and really specific porn at that) when I am first and foremost a romance author.

There's also the like... he's only popular because of tiktok. I'm just going to say it. He isn't in the games, he doesn't have a character outside the short backstory and voice lines. König is, at his worst, a fandom generated OC. I will admit straight out, as someone who studies these characters, König is basically a blank slate with a little bit of backstory and people treat him like he's this huge important character. And the environment that I find being fostered by König stans can tend towards hyper-sexual, demanding, consumptive engagement that has little to do with the source material.

I'm not a König hater, I like the way I've characterized him and I like the design of him, but I don't engage with much König content anymore. And it's not a kink thing, it's not the way he's characterized, it's not even that I can't find anything good. It is very specifically the way that his fans act on posts and act towards me that leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth.

Again it's not every fan, I get a really positive respectful asks and comments that involve König, and I don't want to discourage anyone from requesting more of him or asking questions about his aus. It is simply a trend of behavior that I have not noticed from other boys' fans. I think if we could all take a step back and recognize when we're treating authors like content machines rather than people, it would go a lot further towards keeping the fandom environment stable and thriving.

[writerbuddha]

I don’t agree with you at all. And further nothing Lucas says outside of the movies he made means anything. Anakin was forbidden from being with his mom, of having a relationship with Padmé and Obi-Wan reminds him that he has made a commitment to the Jedi order that is not easily broken. Anakin cannot answer ‘yes’ when he’s asked if he’s allowed to love for crying out loud. He says he can’t be with the people he loves either. That’s Lucas’s story, not the BTS nonsense.

Luckily, I don't need you to agree with me at all.

But let me address something I see all the time on Tumblr, and what is manifesting itself in your message.

I didn't need George Lucas to say anything "outside of the movies he made" to get his messages and lessons he wanted to tell. The reason I have a vast collection of quotes from him is because it's good to find absolute, 100% reassurance from George Lucas himself that yes, this is what was intended, my interpretation of the movies is the interpretation he hoped from his audience. I really can't grasp why people insist on the idea that it's some kind of universal truth and experience that if you don't listen to George Lucas' commentaries on his work, that somehow gives you a fundamentally different story.

Anakin is not answering "yes" when he is asked if he’s allowed to love because he answers by distinguishes between the kind of love which is forbidden for a Jedi Knight - attachment and possession - and love which is central to a Jedi's life, which is compassion, which is unconditional love. Whether or not you agree with this distinction is your own business, but dismissing it as nonsense or even as a lame attempt on Anakin's part to convince Padmé that they can have a romantic relationship is not making as much sense as many would like to believe, even if you don't know anything about Buddhism. And it's very clear in Lucas' story that they do love.

Furthermore, if we're at it, if you want to adhere only to what you can see and hear when you watch the movies, then you shouldn't make statements like "Anakin was forbidden from being with his mom" - that's simply not supported by the source material. I guess this is why people try - and fail - to argue that when Anakin tells Padmé that "I know I'm disobeying my mandate to protect you, Senator, but I have to go" it somehow supposed to mean that he would disobey the Jedi Council if he would contact his mother.

Padmé: Must be difficult, having sworn your life to the Jedi, not being able to visit the places you like or do the things you like.

Anakin: Or be with the people that I love.

Reading this conversation as some kind of evidence that a Jedi is not allowed to love people and like places or like doing things or that they're, but then they are not allowed to be with them or go there or not allowed to do those things is nonsense, sorry. A Jedi Knight's life, as Qui-Gon explicitly warned Anakin, is hard. They don't go where they want to go, because they go where they're needed. For a good Jedi Knight, who lives on the joy of compassion and giving himself to others, the two are the same. They live for others.

When Anakin tells Obi-Wan in Episode II that he finds Padmé's presence intoxicating, he warns him, "You've made a commitment to the Jedi order, a commitment not easily broken." The only thing we can get from the movies and the tv show is that they're not having romantic relationships, they don't marry and are not having children - none of these are able to support the idea that love itself, romantic and non-romantic alike, is forbidden for a Jedi Knight. In Clone Wars, he explicitly tells him, a Jedi Knight is not forbidden to have romantic feelings. But, when duty calls them and when it comes to choosing between duty and that relationship, they must choose duty. This is very clear in the source material. And if we think about it, it makes perfect sense: Obviously, there are many functions and roles in life where one can live on compassion and on giving oneself to others, and also being able to get married and start a family, but the role and function of a Jedi Knight, who is a guardian of peace and justice in the entire known universe, dedicating his life to lifelong spiritual and psychological progress, marriage and kids would cause troubles for him and for his family as well. If you think about it, a Jedi who starts a family, must be fully available for the whole galaxy and must be fully available for their family at the same time; they must be like a parent to their apprentices and must be a parent to their children; and they must support their family, and in the same time, they must keep themselves in perfect spiritual, physical and mental condition, deepening their connection to the Force. Not to mention to preserve a healthy amount of time for themselves. The duties of a Jedi and the duties of a parent and a spouse cannot be fulfilled by one person without the expanse of another - or if you can fulfill both, it will be hardly without the expanse of yourself. So, it's unwise.

So again: to me, there is no discrepancy between "Lucas’s story" and what you label "the BTS nonsense", and never was. Maybe this is something to think about.

[sgiandubh]

On leadership

This is a personal comment on @luhafraser's last post, where she wrote, in plain English:

'But I can't help but notice that since I joined this fandom, what we have in all the groups in this fandom are "leaders", they come and go, new ones appear, or reinvent themselves. There are people that stand out and lead others to follow their ideas and statements. It is these people that receive information, have sources, receive pics, and are fed by "anonymous" (Sorry, but a lot of things that have already appeared could only have come from someone "inside"). I know we are all adults, but there are those who know how to influence or who are led to be influencers, there are those who understand that and there are those who don't.'

Dear @luhafraser,

You wrote a couple of things with great confidence, as you usually do, and I feel I have to say something,

I have invited you already to name names, not allude to persons in your posts, as you so transparently seem to be doing right now. So yes, I felt looked upon and judged. By you (and not only you). Since Day 1. You thought I was never going to respond, well - you were wrong. The day has come and the day is now.

Dear @luhafraser, while I do immensely appreciate your real qualities (intelligence, humor, sleuthing, etc.), I am less a fan of this kind of little games, both in public and behind the scenes. My sudden apparition seems to have bothered you, with Anons asking you (June 20, 2023) if I was really a new person joining in and you denying it without taking the time to talk to me:

This is simply not done, my dear. I have openly and transparently engaged with people since Day 1 and never lied about my own circumstances. Your answer started a flurry of speculation that kept people interested all summer long and forced me to dox myself. So kindly prove me and all the others I am not a newbie (something completely impossible to do), do it in public and own the things you post in here.

I am not a leader of anything, @luhafraser , and I have no wish to be regarded as such. Ever. I have learned, in 20 years of my high-level public service career, that being the boss corrupts and exposes. But yes, I did want to be a disruptively positive voice in what I felt to be an intimidated community. I wanted to bring more clarity and all those research skills to all of you. I wanted honesty. And I, above anything else, wanted to help. And I am sorry that people agreeing or liking what I post seems to bother you. It is not something I can help you with. It is what it is. There is a place for all our voices to be heard in here. Every single one of them.

I have no inside information on SC and never did. I have not betrayed anything that was shared with me in DMs and only posted things when adamantly asked to do so, after careful vetting and only from people I knew. However I am a hell of a bloodhound when I am set to find something and I am rather good at what I do, also in real life. I also know when to stop and will never share things that would be legally questionable. It would expose us and it is a risk simply not worth taking.

I am not here for clicks and likes. My block list is three or four times bigger than my dash. I do not care for fame, but I do care for a couple of trusted people that became real friends. It is for them and for them only that I am not giving you satisfaction and quit.

I keep my promises. I will not go anywhere. If you do not like what I write, please unfollow and block immediately - this goes for anyone that feels bothered about me being here, in any way. I have no wish to start a war with any of you - that would make Mordor glee with joy for months. But please do me and yourself a favor: if in doubt, go now. I cannot stand duplicity, never could.

I hope that sets the record straight. Believe it or not, I have no hostility towards you. Not a single ounce.

I am not expecting an answer.

[Later edit;] I am glad I doxed myself. Very glad. But that is another story.

[vasito-de-leche]

I have some thoughts in my mind lately in the Self aware au R1999 (I'm invested so badly), I was wondering are there any arcanist that resented the player maybe at first or still having resentment on them? Because if the player wasn't there they would be " free " (which I would doubt since there are many players and it would still happen nonetheless but just speaking from there perspective) did they just helplessly or casually got over it after some time and accepted the fact it was a game I mean they were levelled up by the player,the player was the reason why they were getting stronger and winning every battle but I have a feeling some arcanist would have some doubt in them since everything was just a script in the first place all the things that happened to them were meant to happen for the plot, I don't about how to reach when they find out that the player was a human though.. But just like earlier if the player never was here then they would be " free ",they wouldn't know it was just some game (they gonna go bree since they wouldn't exist)(RAHHH I might have wronged what I said in this😭 I just have a thought in my mind about them doubting, feeling frustrated and all...Btw I am badly down bad for your writing 💜💜💜 I admire it so well.. 🥹🫶🫶 can I get a hello Please.. ?💜🥹💜 I'd go crazy being noticed on a writer I admire)

hiiii helloooo hola bonjour and many other greetings o7 really glad you like my writing!

your question is very broad, so I can only make a quick list to categorize all the characters and how I think they'd feel overall towards the Player within this AU! since you only mentioned arcanist, I assume you mean the playable characters only, so that's also the group I'll be tackling

I don't have a good grasp on every single character, so some of these are subject to change as I learn more about them too o7

It's very, very complicated.

Vertin. Door. Mesmer Jr. Bkornblume. I consider these characters to be "outliers" in terms of how they perceive the Player--in the sense that their opinion fluctuates and varies a lot, so they cannot be easily labeled in any of the other categories. They're contradicting or find themselves at odds with themselves, seeing the figure of the Player and everything the Player represents as positive and negative influences simultaneously. To them, you're a close friend and a distant stranger, a saviour and a harbinger of ruin, a source of knowledge and the end of everything--you're all of these, all at once.

as for the rest, I only described the opposite ends of the spectrum and the neutral category!

Extremely resentful and hateful

Desert Flannel. Erick. Mondlicht. Oliver Fog. Pavia. Sonetto. Sweetheart. This one is pretty straightforward--these are the characters who are defensive, who feel like your mere existence is mocking them, who have gone through so much and feel humiliated to know you're casually looking at them from above, so out of reach and superior and unbothered by their pain. But also characters who are combative or quick to identify you as a threat, such as Pavia and Sonetto, because you go against everything they believe in.

Stressed, requires a lot of time to get over it

AliEn T. Bette. Bunny Bunny. Charlie. Ezra. Kanjira. Matilda. Pickles. Ulu.

Mostly troubled, but open to change

6. Mr. APPLe. Darley Clatter. Diggers. Druvis III. La Source. Lilya. Melania. Ms. Moissan. Poltergeist. Zima

Neutral, indifferent and/or unaffected

Baby Blue. Click. Dikke. Jessica. John Titor. Rabies. Sputnik. Tennant. Tooth Fairy. Twins Sleep. These characters remain neutral, but do not confuse their indifference or lack of reaction for ignorance. Some of them aren't quite lucid, conscious or old enough to fully understand their surrounding, such as Rabies and Twins Sleep, but I would say the rest are grounded enough as to not let a figure such as the Player affect them in any intense or extreme way. Some of them simply don't care because this entire reveal doesn't exactly change their routine nor perception of the world. Some are choosing to remain neutral until they gather more information to form a solid opinion.

Mostly curious, but open to change

A Knight. Cristallo. Kaalaa Baunaa. Ms. NewBabel. Necrologist. Satsuki. Spathodea. Voyager.

Eager to learn, requires a lot of stress to be affected

37. An-an Lee. Centurion. Eagle. Horropedia. Leilani. Nick Bottom. Shamane. Sotheby. X.

Extremely intrigued

Eternity. Medicine Pocket. Ms. Radio. ONiON. Regulus. TTT. The Fool. Regardless of how your existence affects these characters, their curiosity and the new opportunities and possibilities you bring along are much more important to them. These are characters who seek to profit from you in some way, who see you as a fascinating subject to study, who may even relate in a way to the role you play as the Player, who may pity you.