#i was rewatching tomorrow and this line came up and i was like hey that's the finale ep title

[bibvck]

hey remember when chim told karen that hen was dead. and then said actually no she’s not dead but there was an accident and she could have died and i thought she did for a minute and it scared me. and then karen asked why he then decided to pay that experience forward. and chim said he thought she needed to know what it would feel like if hen was just... gone. not on this earth anymore. and karen went to hen and...  (why are you here?) because i thought you were dead. when howie called, there was a moment when i thought you died in that accident. when i felt like i’d lost you forever. and it scared me. to think of you being gone. never having a chance to fix things or try again.        

yeah

[bellofthemeadow]

Blended Heart and Bitter Brews | part 1/?

Masterlist

Summary: Your life was boring, hoping for your big break, you were stuck at Starbucks for what felt like forever. The hot metalhead that just came through your door might just be the amount of shit-stirring fun you've been looking for. (2.4K)

A/N: Hey everyone, first time venturing into the Stranger Things fandom. I know I am late to the party lol, but I was off TUMBLR when the show came out and I've just recently started rewatching it and I had the need to write a series on everyone's favourite metalhead! Hope you all enjoy it and lmy what you think  😊

Warning: Swearing, suggestive language, reference to bratting and brat taming (18+)

Working at Starbucks isn’t the most glamorous job in the world. It wouldn’t even make the top 500 hundred in your opinion. The hours were long, the pay was mediocre at best, and you didn’t even want to think about the tips.

After 3 years on the job, you came to the very scientific conclusion that there was a direct correlation between your empty tip jar and the ungodly amount of Frappuccino you’d have to do on a given day. To the point: right now it was just shy of 2 pm, and you had been making so many of those blended abominations that the front of your apron looked like a unicorn and a leprechaun had an orgy on it. And your tip jar was empty. Go figure.

Starbucks was supposed to be a temporary gig, something to keep the cash flowing between college and your big break. Unfortunately, there was no big break in sight, no producers had called you back because, your sound was “too 80s, but like the wrong 80s” so you were still there serving tweens their daily fix of sugar. You wanted to ram your head on the counter, maybe you should dye your hair platinum and get into pop. Maybe then someone would sign you since the whole metal vibe just wasn’t doing it for anyone. You sighed, just 1 hour and then you’d be free. At least for today, until you’d have to do it all again tomorrow. To avoid having a mental breakdown in the middle of the coffee shop, you distracted yourself by mentally running through the list of things you had to do when you got home:

Go grocery shopping. Nah you were positive you still had fruit loops; Grocery could wait.

Go over your demo. AGAIN

Therapy Oh yeah you couldn’t afford that. Maybe a good crying session to end the night.

Go grocery shopping. Nah you were positive you still had fruit loops; Grocery could wait.  GET BEN & JERRY

Yeah, that should do it.

As you were mentally ticking things off, you heard the shrill voice of a girl at the counter order, “I wanna Venti Caramel Frappuccino with extra whip and a blended cake pop inside. Oh, and with Skim milk!” Of course. Fuck that!

You groaned and pushed your way to the till where the newly hired 19-year-old was taking the order, “Swap with me.” You made sure that your tone left no place for arguments. “Ehhh, I’m taking an order.” Looks like new girl didn’t get the tone memo, “I’ll take the orders from now on, you go work the bar.”

“But I am in the middle of tak…” “Ok look, that’s great, hard-worker is such a good look for you. But I think I’m not making myself clear here; You are going to swap the bar with Me because if I have to make another fucking Frappuccino, I will set this place on fire with everyone inside! Capish?”

Silence.

Suddenly a loud guffaw reverberated from somewhere towards the end of the already long line. Your coworker and the girl at the till looked horrified. But your monumental side-eye was the last nail into the proverbial coffin because Emma didn’t try to argue with you and instead, scurried over to the coffee bar.

Victory.

You turned toward the girl and plastered the fakest smile you could on your face “And what did you say you wanted?” The girl looked like she was going to puke on your counter “… I’ll have a grande latte… Is iced, ok?”

You smiled broadly “One grande ice latte coming right up, did you want skim milk with that?” “Oh no, no. Just regular is fine,” She stuttered.

“Great just gonna need to add your name and that’ll be 4.00 $.” “… Its Josie.” Sacharine smile plastered on your face, “Great Josie, you can go and wait by the bar over there.” You dismissively pointed in the general direction of the farthest end of the bar, “I can take whoever’s next!”

For the next couple of minutes, your other customers were rather accommodating, ordering black coffees and lattes with no mod for once.  “All right next!” You passed down the cup for a “Grande Americano for Josh” toward Emma who was still doing her best to avoid any form of eye contact. You snorted a bit, to say that Emma might be a bit oversensitive was an understatement, maybe you’d apologized after your shift… Maybe.

You turned your eyes to the new customer in line and you couldn’t help but raise a brow at the yummy stud that just stepped up to your till.  You licked your lips appreciatively; the guy must be around your age, with shaggy brown hair, big brown puppy eyes and plush lips you wanted to snap between your teeth. The guy was totally your type too, you spotted how his slightly ripped 1991 “Wherever We May Roam” Metallica tour t-shirt was hiking up his belly revealing a toned stomach. But what really made you salivate was the sight of his numerous tats that decorated both his arms. You could also peek at some hiding under his collar.  Yummy.  

You gave him your best sultry smile, leaned forward, showcasing the unfortunate non-existence of your cleavage as it was all covered by your apron, and coyly purred, "And what can I get you today, handsome?"

Hot dude seemed happy with your flirting as he responded with a reciprocating smile before leaning forward. You were so close that you could almost trace the tattoos (were those bats?!) decorating his forearms. He hummed as though contemplating it, then offered you a sultry smile. You were more than happy to respond with your best fuck-me eyes.

Suddenly his sexy smile transformed into a wide shit-eating grin before he boomed loudly, “I’ll have a Venti Caramel Frappuccino, extra drizzle, extra caramel and extra whipped cream.”

Time stopped. Crickets chirping. Jaw Dropped

What in the actual fuck?!

You jerked your head back and grumbled. Displeasure etched on your face. Hot dude wasn’t so hot anymore as you reluctantly entered the order into the cash register. "Whatshisface" still wore that irritating grin as he leaned forward even further, granting you a clear view of his sharp collarbones. He began to toy with some of the chocolate-covered coffee beans next to your cash register. "You touch it, you buy it," you grumbled.

His Cheshire cat-like grin grew even larger, if that was even possible, and he let out a loud tut. “Aw sweetheart, you don’t have to get all bratty on me. Come on, I know under that little metal act you got goin’ on, you wanna be a good girl for me.” He finished with a little wink that made you want to shove the napkin holder on his stupid handsome face.

“That’ll be 9.85 $” Grin gone. Whatshisface looked completely flabbergasted, “9.85$?!? In what world do you live in that you think its ok to charge so much for a cup of coffee!?” He loudly gasped, affronted.

You flashed your most charming smile and fluttered your eyelashes innocently, much to your delight, you noticed the tips of his ears beginning to blush. In a syrupy tone, you purred “Well sir the caramel, the extra drizzle AND the extra whipped are all extra charges. But I understand if that’s too expensive for you, perhaps you could move over and explore other parts of the menu that are more… within your means.”

Hook, line, and sinker

Hot dude turned an even deeper shade of red and began to rummage through the bag he was carrying, all the while muttering less-than-flattering expletives under his breath. You were fairly certain you heard him mutter a rather pointed “disrespectful little brat,” which senta delicious shiver straight to your core.

You were feeling quite triumphant and began tapping your manicured finger on the counter, a gesture that seemed to further irritate him. After a minute, he forcefully slid a crumpled $20 bill your way, bringing a smug grin to your face. After making a show of counting his change, you grabbed the venti cup and the black Sharpie. “And can I have your name for that?”

“…Eddie.” You slowly captured the cap of the Sharpie between your teeth and started writing his name on the side of the plastic cup. You added a wide smiley next to it for good measure.  You triumphantly noticed that Eddie gaze hadn't wavered from your mouth, as if entranced by the sight of the cap being gripped by your teeth. Maybe he was imagining something else between your lips, you snicker to yourself.

After sliding the cup over to Emma, who appeared as though she had just witnessed a car crash, before hurrying over to start his drink, you coquettishly cooed at him, “Well Eddie,” you made sure to enunciate every word as you tasted how his name felt in your mouth. “I hope you enjoy your… expensive drink, Tip jar is right here.” You gestured with your impeccably black manicured nail towards the nearly empty box "Don't you think I deserve it? After all, I’ve been such a gooood girl for you and did everything you wanted?" You batted your eyelashes, ensuring to add ample emphasis to drive your point home.

As for Eddie, well he looked like he was about to suffocate. Red and blotchy all over, you could also spot some sweat gathering on his forehead. You almost started to pity the poor guy when he tried to stutter out a response to your teasing. Almost.

 In the end, Eddie dropped a couple of ones in the small glass before making his way toward the end of the bar. You also noticed how he had a slightly slouched gait—probably because you'd turn his attempt at embarrassing you on him. He finally stopped in front of where Emma was making his sugared monstrosity. As you were taking the next order, you could feel Eddie’s gaze burning your body. So, you made sure to give him a good show, laughing extra hard at the lame jokes from the college boy you were serving. Bending down a bit too low to grab an extra roll of receipt paper giving him a good view of your shapely ass, drawing large hearts on every cup and flirtatiously referring to every guy in your line with endearments like "sugar" or "handsome."

“A VENTI CARAMEL FRAPPUCINNO WITH EXTRA CARAMEL, EXTRA DRIZZLE AND EXTRA WHIP FOR EATDICK!!!”

“Jesus Christ, no need to scream in my ears like that.” Eddie, looking mortified, snatched his drink before sitting down at one of the empty tables. One of the only ones with a perfect view of the counter. You gleefully observed how Eddie nearly spat out his drink after taking the first sip, probably dying a little bit inside at the taste of the artificial sweeteners that must invaded his mouth.  Quite the smooth move, jackass.

You looked at the time, as your other coworker Jenson joined you behind the bar to relieve you of your minimum wage duties, “I’ll just make myself a drink and then I’m outta here!” You whoop, Jenson acquiesced with a shrugging smile before taking over the till. You shuffle toward the bar area and snicker as you start to make yourself an extra special drink.

“Hey Jenson, can you do something for me real quick after I leave?”

Eddie is grudgingly drinking the caramel monstrosity he ordered. His own fault really, he’s always been a black coffee kind of guy. When he was younger, he started to order it black because it fitted his whole metal vibe; “Black like my soul,” he’d ordered with a wink to the old-timey dinner waitress back in Hawkins. But now that he moved to Indianapolis to chase his music dreams, he realized that he couldn't enjoy coffee unless it was as bitter as the disappointment that people had in him.

While he wasn't usually a Starbucks person, he had stayed up until 4 am this morning after playing a gig downtown. And to top it off, he had to be at work on the dock by 6 am, leaving him with barely any time to sleep in between. At this point, he would have traded his soul for a coffee. So, when he spotted the Starbucks on his way home, he just had to stop. Mindlessly scrolling on his phone for any notifications of Corroded Coffin, you took him right out of his zombie-like trance when you shrieked about setting the place on fire. He hadn’t been able to stifle his laughter at your words. To top it off, you were hot, as fiery as the arson you threatened everyone with. So, when he reached the till and saw that his attraction was completely reciprocated, he couldn't help but tease you a bit.

He just hadn’t banked on you being such a brat. Now he was sitting alone with an almost inedible caramel concoction of his own making, swimming in the bitter disappointment of having made a fool of himself in front of you. As he was simmering in his annoyance, a cup of steaming Americano was placed in front of him. He raised his head fast and looked at the sheepish expression of a lanky guy with a freckled face, “I didn’t order that…”

“Eh, well she made it for you. Told me to give it to you after she left.”

Eddie’s head snapped back to the bar where you had disappeared. A bitter taste of disappointment coated his mouth as he realized he hadn’t even gotten your number, “Thanks, man.” The guy gave him a sharp nod in response before making his way back to the till where a line was slowly forming again.

Eddie took a deep breath, inhaling the tangy smell of the black coffee. Exactly what he needed.  As he was about to take a sip, black writing on the side of the cup got his attention.

Hey hot stuff, You looked like you wanted to put me back in my place back there 😉 I’d like to see you try, call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx -Little brat

A huge grin broke out on Eddie’s face as he took a sip of his coffee, letting the bitter liquid burn down his throat.

Today turned out to be pretty metal after all.

Part 2: The Phone Call

[peanutpinet]

No Regret - Tsukasa x Fem Reader x Yuta (slight)

Main Pairing: Tsukasa (Hokuto) x Fem Reader

Warnings: fighting, angst, right person wrong universe :')

A/N: hello everyone!! I LIVEEEEE!! Can't believe it's been more than a month since I posted on Tumblr :" work has really taken a toll on me and my mental health ain't really the best but after High & Low The Worst X came out on Netflix, you know I'm binging it and well, when I said binge, I meant I watched all of the H&L film series from "The Story of S.W.O.R.D" till The Worst Cross X (even though not in a good order) and lemme just say. I love Yuta's acting even though he doesn't get much lines but the way he expresses his face is 🤌🏼🤌🏼

Now, while I did enjoy the H&L The Worst films, I honestly much prefer the SWORD era films :') it's just that good. Coming from a film studies person, I like how the SWORD era has like a big plot that is continuous throughout the films (except maybe The Red Rain) and well, though there was closure in the big plot, I would really love to dive deeper into some of the gangs and characters. EHEM Amamiya Kyoudai :))

But anyways, here is my first (yes, girl is gonna make some other one-shots) of the H&L film series; starting with the man that caught my attention, Hokuto aka Tsukasa 🥰

Summary: you and Yuta have been friends long before he went to Korea. When Yuta finally had his acting debut, you were more than thrilled to support your best friend and may or may not fangirl over the other characters. But what happens when you and your best friend actually got to experience the other universe?

“Honestly why do you always get to hang out with the badass good looking guys?” you asked Yuta, your best friend who was staying over at your place and currently rewatching his movie, High & Low The Worst X, together

“Hey. What about me and the neos?!” Yuta scoffed, looking at your direction but you avoided his gaze; especially when your favourite character, Tsukasa showed up

“I mean, you guys are hot, I won’t lie. But look at Tsukasa!! Brains and brawns plus the look?! You have to introduce me to Yoshino-san, please!!!” you rambled as Yuta sighed

“We’ve watched this many times and you always say the same thing. That Tsukasa is the best and I went too hard on him during the fight” Yuta tsked as he turned off the TV

“YUTA!! HEY!! That’s not fair!! Just let me fangirl!!” you argued but Yuta didn’t budge

“C’mon, it’s late and we should really sleep. Plus, Hokuto, Ryoki and Kazuma-kun are coming tomorrow to visit. So, save up your fangirling self for tomorrow when you meet them” Yuta argued

“Hontoni?! They’re really coming?! Crap!! I need to plan out what I’m going to wear and how will I dress tomorrow. Yuta, you’re the best!!” you exclaimed as you jump to hug your best friend

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s just sleep alright. Thank me after you meet them tomorrow. Good night (y/n)” Yuta replied as the two of you went to your respective rooms to sleep

“Tomorrow can’t come any faster” you whispered to yourself as you fell asleep

As much as you wanted tomorrow to come faster, you still want your beauty sleep but unfortunately, you were suddenly woken up by a loud crash. Blinking a few times, you were confused about how you were suddenly outside and on the ground. Was this Yuta’s way of getting revenge on you for neglecting his character? There’s no way. Right?!

What’s even more confusing is that it doesn’t look like your neighbourhood at all. Looking around, you tried to find out where you were and even call out to Yuta. As you got up, another crash occurred, making you fall and worry started to creep up on you.

Rushing back to your feet, you tried to find out the source of the crash and when you took a peak, you noticed that it was Kawamura and Yoshino having a brawl against Yuta and Ryoki. Confused, you shouted at Yuta, telling him if this is how he typically greets his friends but instead of Yuta telling you off, the others suddenly stop fighting and what Kawamura said shocked you.

“Who the hell is Yuta? And do any of you know who this girl is?” Kawamura asked as Yuta slowly approached you and grabbed your wrist, pulling you with him

“She’s a friend of mine dan just came back from abroad. Apologies everyone. I’ll be back later. Fujio, Tsukasa, let’s finish the fight later. Amagai, I’ll catch up with you later” Yuta stated, pulling you along with him, away from everyone else

“Yuta?! W-what on earth?! Why did you call the others by their High & Low characters? Are you guys doing some sort of role-play? Because if you are, this isn’t funny” you commented as Yuta pulled you so that you were standing in front of him; his eyes were cold yet serious and concern

“I don’t know what happened when we were asleep or if is this just part of your imagination but we’re basically in the High & Low world. Those guys don’t know who Yuta is. They only know Ryo Suzaki. As for you, you don’t exist in this world. Well, maybe you do. But not in this country at least. You’re practically a foreigner here” Yuta mentioned, making you laugh

“Very funny Yuta. You and your friends are such good actors. You can cut the cameras and all the staff can come out now” you laughed but no one answered you, making you gulp

“I’m serious (y/n), this isn’t a joke. I woke up earlier than you and immediately, Amagai, Fujio and Tsukasa asked me if I was alright because we were in a middle of a brawl. Lucky enough, they believed me that I didn’t remember because I hit my head” Yuta explained yet you still didn’t believe him

“Look. I don’t know how the both of us got here but want or not, we have to blend in until we can find a way to get back to our own universe. Which means, don’t get overly attached to anyone. Especially when your character doesn’t even exist in the High & Low universe. Got it?” Yuta reminded and you quickly nodded

“You handle them, I’ll go look around and find some sort of clues that might help us” you stated, about to turn around until you heard Tsukasa speak

“Don’t think it’s a good idea for a girl to go around this neighbourhood on her own” Tsukasa stated, making you a bit annoyed

“I think I can handle myself well. Yu—I mean Suzaki has taught me a few things about self-defence. You boys can go back to your brawl since clearly, it’s a boys-only thing” you scoffed, disbelief that Tsukasa would say something like this that you were about to walk away when Fujio suddenly stood in front of you, blocking your way

“What my friend meant is that, while we’re sure that you can probably take care of yourself, it would be better if you were with us. Especially since Suzaki-san mentioned that you were from abroad. It tends to get rough around here” Fujio explained, offering you a smile

“I’m Hanaoka Fujio and my friend there is Takagi Tsukasa” Fujio mentioned, offering you his hand for a shake which you accepted

“(L/N) (Y/N). Please to meet you guys” you stuttered, making Fujio chuckle

Ever since that meeting, you’ve been hanging out with the 4 men more often. Heck, you even got to meet the other boys including Todoroki, the four Housen Killer Cops, Sachio and even the Suzuran house. You got along with all of them which made you happy even if deep down you knew that this was all just temporary. Despite so, you couldn’t understand why Tsukasa seemed colder towards you when everyone has been opening up.

It’s been almost a month since you and Yuta came into this universe but neither of you has stopped searching for clues on how to get back to your own world. Though it wasn’t easy, the both of you managed to gain some information that there was a shaman who could talk to spirits and souls from other dimensions. After some digging, you manage to find where the shaman lives and decided to go there yourself because Yuta had to accompany Amagai for who knows what.

The more you walk on your own, the more worried you become because while you’ve gone around the neighbourhood and met with the other factions, you were still unfamiliar with the deeper parts of the neighbourhood. But you couldn’t back down now. You need answers and as much as you want to hang out with the H&L characters, this wasn’t the way you wanted.

You walked through the forest but right before you could go any deeper, you noticed that several other people were surrounding the area. Not knowing who they were, you hid behind the trees and tried to eye what these people were doing.

What you found out was that these guys were a gang from a rural area of the city which makes them an unknown gang. However, when you got closer, you overheard that this gang was aiming to take down Oya High sometime when the main heads are out of town; which you realised that it could be now because right now the main Oya High leaders like Fujio and Tsukasa were out with Housen, Suzuran and even Senomon.

Though you wanted to go and find the shaman, you knew that you had to go back and warn Yuta and the others about this potential ambush. Without wasting any time, you rushed to go back and find Yuta and the others because who knows where those boys are.

You only managed to get away for a bit before getting startled by a rabbit and tripped, causing suspicion among the unknown gang. While they weren’t looking, you immediately got back up and run away but those gangs were used to the twist and turns of the forest that some managed to caught up to you, surrounding you.

Though you were intimidated, you weren’t going to show any fear to them. Especially when they called Yuta and his friends some nasty names; saying how those guys always have it easy and never understand the actual pain of fighting without any backups or without any good resources like the other schools.

Angered by the comments, you didn’t hesitate to take the first move and punched the life out of some of them. Sure, you weren’t as skillful as Yuta or the others; but you could definitely do some damage and outsmart them.

Unfortunately, when you thought that you outsmarted them, one of them came up from behind you and grabbed you by the ankle, making you fall forward; hard. Though you hit your head quite hard, you still managed to return the favour before getting away from the messed-up scene.

Limping your way back, you tried to hang onto whatever it is that you can hold onto since your whole body felt like it was going to crumble any second now. Right when you just reached the Oya High gate, someone came up behind you that you instinctively tried to slap them but they managed to grab you.

Turns out, one of the gang members managed to sneak away and followed you. Unfortunately, because you had just finished fighting off the others, you barely had enough strength to pull away from this guy and he managed to grab you by the neck to the point where you started to lose your vision but at the same time the grip around your neck loosen and instead, a warm strong grip was around your waist.

“What the hell happened to you?!” you heard Tsukasa’s voice, his voice softer than how he normally talks when he was with you

“T-tsukasa…they, they’re coming. For the school. While everyone is…” you breathed out but your body gave up on you and you practically passed out, Tsukasa’s grip around your body tighten

“Hey, (y/n), what happened? Hey, wake up” Tsukasa mumbled, confused about what he should do especially when you passed out

Knowing that you wouldn’t say anything that you don't mean, Tsukasa called out some of his gang members to keep the guy that hurt you to be tamed while he gets you treated and get some answers from you first. But at the same time, he knew that while this guy was from an unknown gang, he can’t easily brush them off; especially when Fujio was out with other leaders.

Tsukasa made sure that some of the better fighters would guard around just in case if what you said about the school going to be attacked was true. Once he took you to the hospital and got you treated, he texted Fujio to let him and the others know on what happened.

While it seemed like Tsukasa only cared about the school and protecting his gang, he was actually worried about you. Sure, he didn’t have the greatest impression of you since he’s very much wary of any new person in the area; especially when he has never heard of them before. This is why when you first arrived and Yuta introduced you, Tsukasa was the first one that was suspicious of you. Girl or not, if you were a spy or someone that would come to destroy Oya High and SWORD, Tsukasa wouldn’t hesitate to put you down.

But as time passed, the more Tsukasa spied on you, the more he realised that you were truly someone outside of the area and even the country. You didn’t know a lot of things and the things you did know, Tsukasa assumed that it was because Yuta telling you stuff; not because you were from a whole different dimension.

Lately, Tsukasa has been keeping a closer eye on you. Not just to spy on you but also because there was just something about you that interest him. How you somehow managed to get close with the other guys not only in Oya High but also Housen and even Suzuran. Each school has taken a liking to you. Not only that, you just seemed too good to be true in Tsukasa’s eyes.

You weren’t the quiet or reserved kind of person. You were more outgoing and voiced out your opinions a lot. Even when you know that you would be outmatched, you kept going on and that is something that Tsukasa acknowledge about you.

When the nurse told Tsukasa that you were already treated and that you were currently resting. Tsukasa thanked the nurse and went into your room. Seeing you all bandaged angered Tsukasa that he swore he would make that unknown gang pay and even come to their knees to beg you for forgiveness once he was done with them.

Before Tuskasa could get closer to you, his phone rang and the other guys at Oya High told Tsukasa that he was right and some unknown gang was attacking the school. Despite being annoyed that he had to leave you, Tsukasa knew that you would be safer in the hospital.

Arriving back at Oya High, Tsukasa didn’t hesitate to knock some sense into everyone in the unknown gang. Their leader immediately fought head-to-head with Tsukasa which Tsukasa was more than happy to brawl with.

“Were you the one that started the attack on (y/n)?!” Tsukasa demanded, his eyes were sharp and angry at the same time

“Who? Oh, you mean that pesky girl in the forest? No, I didn’t touch her. But maybe I should have. To teach her a lesson and…” the leader spatted but Tsukasa immediately punched the leader. Hard.

“The fuck are you? An animal?!” Tsukasa growled, grabbing the leader by the collar and punching him over and over again to the point that the leader was unconscious, blood was dripping from his nose, mouth and Tsukasa’s knuckles

“Ya!! Tsukasa!!” Tsukasa heard Fujio shout, making the blonde stop

“What the hell happened around here? And why the hell are you beating someone until they’re unconscious?! Since when do you do that?!” Fujio snapped, pulling Tsukasa’s bloody wrist away from the beaten unconscious person under him

“Is it wrong? After what he and his men did to (y/n)?!” Tsukasa snapped back, getting off of the unconscious man and yanked his arm back, Yuta immediately came into the scene with the sound of your name

“What the hell happened to her?!” Yuta demanded

“She’s hospitalised right now. This guy and his entire gang were going to attack our school but somehow, (y/n) found out about it and rushed back to warn us but along the way, she was attacked. Badly. When I found her, one of them nearly choked her to death” Tsukasa explained, the other guys were now silent with the information

Before anyone can utter another word, Tsukasa’s phone rang and it was the nurse from the hospital, telling Tsukasa that you were finally awake and were searching for him. Without any more explanation, Tsukasa turned the phone off and rushed away to the hospital to see you.

Arriving at the hospital, Tsukasa didn’t even pay attention that he was pushing through some of the workers but once he got to your room and saw you sitting on your bed, never has Tsukasa felt this amount of relief. Seeing that Tsukasa was finally here, the nurse decided to give the two of you some privacy and left.

“H-hey, a-are you ok?” Tsukasa stuttered, scratching the back of his head as he took a chair and sat right beside your bed

“I think I should be the one asking you that” you replied, pointing at his bruised and bloody knuckles

“Oh. This. This is nothing” Tsukasa breathed out but you took his hand and a nearby cloth, wiping his bloody hand

“You shouldn’t fight so much. Who did you fight anyways? Were there that many people that attacked Oya High?” you asked, wiping Tsukasa’s hands clean from his own blood

“There were quite a lot but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that you got hurt because you were trying to warn us about the attack” Tsukasa explained but you just chuckled dryly

“Wh-what?” Tsukasa questioned as you put his hand back on the bed

“You never really cared nor did you spare me a glance when we first met. What changed?” you asked. It was Tsukasa’s turn to be nervous

You were right. Tsukasa never paid attention nor seemed to care about your sudden appearance. But he can’t help but be drawn to you. It was as if you were someone that he was looking for but when you were actually in front of him, Tsukasa just malfunctioned. He rarely encounters girls to begin with; let alone is interested in any of them.

“You’re right, this isn’t me. I’m not used to any of this yet nor do I know exactly how I feel but what I do know is that I was a coward. In the beginning, I thought that you were just some random girl that was probably a spy from Kuryu or something. But I spied on you, I realised that you were actually a regular girl that was just lost. I know that we didn’t start off well but if you’re alright to start over. If not, perhaps we can just try and get along, slowly…” Tsukasa replied, his hand making its way back on top of yours, caressing your hand

“Tsukasa…I hope that this isn’t a joke” you mumbled, not wanting to give in just yet

“I promise you that I want to start anew” Tsukasa replied back, intertwining your fingers together

But right when Tsukasa was leaning closer and you completely forgot about how you ended up in this world in the first place, Yuta came and stopped you both from going any further. His eyes were worried but sharp at the same time.

Noticing his glare, Tsukasa knew that Yuta would probably want to talk to you alone. “You don’t have to answer me now. I’ll wait for you this time. Get better soon alright? Let me know if you need anything” Tsukasa sighed, kissing your knuckles before excusing himself from the room.

Once he was sure that Tsukasa was out of the room, Yuta sat on the chair right by the bed and observed your current state before speaking up. “Where did you go before?” Yuta asked, still trying to process everything that has happened in the past few hours

“I got a lead about this shaman that would know how do we get back to our world. Along the way, I heard about that gang wanting to attack everyone in Oya High” you replied

“Then why didn’t you just go to the Shaman? Oya can take care of themselves. You didn’t have to go all the way back just to warn them. Look where it got you” Yuta cursed, making you jump a bit

“Well I’m sorry that I got attached to all of them. I love them not just as characters but who they are. Being in this world taught me that. I know we’re not supposed to think of this world as our own but the more I stay here and interact with everyone, the more that I care” you admitted, tears starting to build up

“I know. I know (y/n). I slowly also become attached and I guess that has become a problem for both of us. I know how much you adore Tsukasa but you can’t let him get close to you and vice versa. I’ll visit the shaman tomorrow and let you know once I come back. Until then, you have to set up some boundaries between you and the others; especially Tsukasa. Because from what I’ve seen, it seems like he has also grown attached to you in some way” Yuta suggested, holding your hands in his

“I know. I just. I feel bad. Turning down his feelings? Should we just tell them all the truth? Or at least let me go with you to the Shaman since the two of us are the ones that need to go back” you replied

“Fine. We’ll both go to the Shaman and once we got the answer from them, we’ll both go back to the others and tell them the truth” Yuta replied whilst hugging you, comforting you in the process

The next day came sooner than you’d like. You were getting better and luckily enough, the nurse allowed you to be discharged. Yuta helped you get up and the two of you head out as early as possible. Mainly to avoid the other guys.

The two of you walked through the woods you went through the other day and made your way to the Shaman’s place. Once the two of you reached the place, you noticed that the Shaman was doing their daily activities but stopped the moment the two of you stopped right in front of their house.

“Begone you two lost souls” the shaman stated as the two of you stopped in your tracks

“Since you already know who we are, I’ll get straight to the point. How the hell do we get back to our own universe? Clearly, this universe isn’t ours” Yuta blurted out, trying to get close but for some reason it was as if there was an invisible barrier preventing him

“It’s not about how you get back. But about you truly letting go of this universe. All you had to do to get back was find me but it looks like one of you isn’t ready to go back just yet” the Shaman stated, looking at you specifically

“Not just her though. The boy in this universe is also not ready to let her go just yet” the Shaman added on, making the two of you confused

“(y/n)…” Yuta whispered, facing towards you but his gaze was somewhere else

Just as you turned around and followed Yuta’s gaze did you finally understand. Tsukasa and some of the other Oya High students were there along with other guys from Housen, Suzuran and even Senomon High.

“Tsukasa…” you whispered out, tears were finally starting to fall one after the other while Tsukasa looked at both you and Yuta in disbelief

“You lied. All this time. Both of you. We were all foolish to let you both, especially you…” Tsukasa stated, looking deeply into your figure. “I was foolish to think that we could actually connect. That we have some sort of bond” Tsukasa spotted, his words were practically like acupuncture needles but sharper and would prick deeper into your skin

“Tsukasa. Chotto matte kudasai (wait for a moment). Let me explain…” you tried to reason but Tsukasa already turned his back on you

“Go home (y/n). Your actual friends are probably waiting for you. I won’t hold you back. Goodbye (y/n)” Tsukasa stated about to walk away but stopped when you had an outburst

“How the hell am I supposed to go back knowing that you probably hate me?! I can’t go back even more now” you exclaimed, not holding back anymore tears

“That was on you. You knew where you came from. You knew that you didn’t belong here. Yet you still like as if you were part of this world” Tsukasa shouted back, making you flinch since you have never seen him get angry before

“Ya, Tsukasa. Say anything hurtful towards her again, I’ll knock you out again. You think someone can prevent themselves from feeling how they felt?! Don’t say shit like this when you too also felt something” Yuta growled back, making Tsukasa even more pissed off that he went and stood in front of Yuta and faced him

“You also have no say in this, Suzaki. Or whoever you are in his body” Tsukasa spotted but was immediately welcomed by Yuta’s punch

“You can say whatever shit you want about me but not her. You have no fucking idea how hard it was for her to hold herself back. Not to mention the way you first treated her. Yes, perhaps it was wrong of her to get close with the others. But you also didn’t give her a warm welcome, now did you? Yet yesterday you seemed to be the most fired up when she was hurt and now you’re saying as if her feelings weren’t valid at all” Yuta argued, throwing punches and kicks at Tsukasa which turned the whole meeting into an actual fight

The two didn’t back down for even just a breather. Yuta would throw punches whereas Tsukasa would dodge them and try to hit back. You were sick and tired of all this fighting which happened because of you that you decided that you should put an end to it but right when you were interrupting them, Tsukasa accidentally hit your side and you stumbled and fall, holding your sides while coughing out.

The second Tsukasa hit you, Yuta instinctively grabbed you as all the others that were there went to see if you were alright. Despite you and Yuta somewhat deceiving everyone, they all still cared about the two of you. Fujio especially held Tsukasa back and smacked his friend for what he had just done.

“YA!!! Wake up Tsukasa!! Do you not realise what you’re doing?!” Fujio shouted at his friend, punching him that Tsukasa was now on the ground yet his eyes never leaving your sight

“Ryo was right. You didn’t even consider how she must’ve felt. She’s not completely at fault. You were the one that told me that you also caught feelings yet now it seemed like you’re blaming it all on her? Look at where that anger brought you!!” Fujio rambled, gripping his hair out of frustration of his own friend

“Fujio!!!” Yuta shouted at the leader of Oya, grabbing everyone’s attention. “We’ll stay here. It’s best that the two of us distance ourselves from everyone. Especially (y/n). At least let me take care of her first before I explain everything to you all. I owe you all that” Yuta stated as Fujio nodded as a sign of acknowledgement

Thankfully, the Shaman allowed both Yuta and you to stay at their place, saying that it would be easier for the two; especially when the two are ready to go back to their own universe. Once Yuta helped you, he told you to rest and to figure out your own feelings as he was going to explain to the others what actually happened.

“I should go too. It’s not just you. I was the one who was most at fault” you mumbled, making Yuta sit back down beside you

“We all make mistakes (y/n). But don’t you ever think for a second that your feelings were not valid. If Tsukasa can’t man up and understand then he doesn’t deserve your feelings. I’m also just going to tell them about what actually is happening so that they would hopefully understand” Yuta replied back, tucking you in bed

“Yuta…” you breathed out, holding his hand, Yuta turned to wait for your statement. “Thank you. When we get back, I think I owe you that omakase dinner you wanted” you chuckled, making Yuta smile

“I look forward to it. I’ll be back” Yuta replied, patting your head then left to explain to the others who were waiting outside of the Shaman’s house

“Honestly, I didn’t expect that all of you would still be here” Yuta stated, putting his hands in the pocket of his pants

“We all wanted to know the truth. After then will we decide” Fujio stated as the others agreed

Yuta then told everyone the truth. How he and you were not from this universe and instead in a universe where he and most of the other High and Low characters are singers; which clearly shocked everyone. In addition, Yuta also told them all that in their universe, you were a close friend of his and was also a fan of everyone in the High & Low universe.

“So basically, all of us have an alternate self in your universe and even if you guys go back, there will be another us over there?” Fujio asked excitedly, making Yuta giggle

“Yes. There are you guys in our universe as well. But I will say this Tsukasa. Even if there is another you in our universe. (y/n) already had an attachment with you as a character but now I guess it’s safe to say that she truly has an attachment with you and even if she has to let everything that has happened here go, she will still have some sort of attachment towards you but not just as a character but an actual person” Yuta explained, silence immediately filled the air

It was when Yuta explained to Tsukasa did he realise that you clearly had more to lose since once you go back, you will have to continue with the fact that all of this might just seem like a dream since in your world, everyone in this world is basically fiction. Knowing that he doesn’t have much time left with you, Tsukasa just wanted to have one final conversation with you. To hopefully bring closure to the both of you before you both part ways. And hopefully not have any regrets when you two actually part ways.

“Hey…How are you feeling?” Tsukasa softly whispered, noticing that you were wide awake and sitting on the bed

“Hey…Am better now. Now I know why they call you the sleeping lion” you joked as Tsukasa went to sit next to you

“About what happened. I’m sorry. I really am. I was just mad about the sudden discovery that all I think about was if you hadn’t been so close to everyone, it wouldn’t be that hard to let go. But after what Ryo, I mean, Yuta said, I tried to see it from your shoes and I’m sorry. I just hope that we can have some closure and well” Tsukasa rambled, stuttering with his words, especially with the next words that he’s going to say. “I do like you too and I know this might seem a bad timing since you want to go back to your own universe but I just feel the need to say it because I don’t want to have any regrets. I know that it might be hard during the first few times after you leave but at least I won’t have any regrets. At least, I’m happy to be able to be honest with you about how I’ve felt” Tsukasa admitted as he held your hand in his

“Tsukasa…” you teared up, slightly hitting his chest while he hugged you, stroking your hair. “You really have one of the worst timing ever” you tried to joke as Tsukasa sighed in relief, holding you closer to him

As you slowly opened your eyes, you scanned your surroundings and found yourself back at Yuta’s apartment. Looking at your phone, you noticed that not much time passed back in your universe.

Sighing, you got up and found Yuta asleep on the floor. You shook Yuta a few times until he finally woke up. Chuckled at his current state, you told him that you were going to make breakfast which Yuta thank you for and hit the shower.

As you made breakfast, the doorbell to Yuta’s apartment rang. Quickly, you turned off the stove and headed to see who it was. To your surprise, it was Ryoki, Kazuma and Hokuto, all in their casual wear but presentable enough just like when you were in high school about to hang out at your friend’s place.

“Hi. Sorry, did we come at a wrong time?” Kazuma asked politely which you shake your head, reassuring them that they didn’t and invited them into the house

“Hey (y/n), who is…Oh, hi guys” Yuta stated, making his appearance as he was also dressed. “Ahh right. This is (y/n), my best friend since before I moved to Korea. (y/n), this is Kazuma, Hokuto and Ryoki. Well, she knows all of you because she’s a fan of the High & Low movies. Plus, she’s a big fan of Tsukasa” Yuta blurted, making you blush and hit his bicep playfully, trying to hide your shyness as the other 3 male in front of you giggle

“Well (y/n). Pleased to meet you and thank you for being a fan. I think we’ll get along pretty well” Hokuto exclaimed, giving you one of the biggest smile you’ve seen him do

A/N: yeap, this almost 6k fic took me practically a month to write :') Anyways, I hope that you guys enjoy it and wow, it's been 3 years since I'm on Tumblr. What a ride it is and don't worry, I don't plan on stopping soon. I just hope that everyone who has similar interest as I do can enjoy the stories that I put out

Also, if anyone wants to ramble about the H&L universe (ehem, Amamiya brothers), please don't be scared to talk to me or send me a message or even a request because I'd be happy to do some H&L fanfics as I have not seen much of it :') Alright, I need to sleep (as of writing this). Thank you all for reading and sticking by for the past 3 years or so. Stay safe and may you always be happy :) xoxo Vinet

[ljf613]

I posted 3,049 times in 2022

186 posts created (6%)

2,863 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-word-huntress

@lady-tortilla-chip

@raayllum

@vantrisha

@bananzer

I tagged 3,040 of my posts in 2022

#all queued up - 2,940 posts

#fanart - 1,830 posts

#avatar the last airbender - 527 posts

#thoughts - 443 posts

#fairy tail - 292 posts

#fullmetal alchemist - 279 posts

#my hero academia - 232 posts

#boku no hero academia - 232 posts

#furuba - 170 posts

#fruits basket - 170 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and everything to do with what being around people who are overly concerned with their own personal physical appearance does to your psyche

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

110 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

#4

What really sold me on Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs was the part of the movie where Snow can't get the shoes off (because deep down she's no longer so sure that she wants to be who she is without them).

It's one of the most realistically accurate scenes I have ever seen in an animated kids' movie.

126 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

#3

Konekomaru: Hey exwires, here's a pro tip: do not write an email to your cram school teacher while you're seriously sick. Signed, a person who somehow came up with "dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I'll be alive to come tomorrow and I'm sorry, best slutantions, Miwa".

Shiemi: I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I'd probably believe they were sick.

Renzo: "Slutantions" has me crying laughing

Rin: i once emailed Shura with a migraine. a mistake. "I amsick will not to training because i have a heache. i Hope its very and i am so sorry love, blue" the subject line was "OW"

Izumo: THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFISJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN "OW"

Mephisto: As someone who runs a cram school, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

Ryuji: On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from Sideburns, and the message had no text, just the subject line "you good?"

Yukio: Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so there’s about a month and a half block of time where I’m taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time. Anyway, last year, I got the flu or something and was also taking Mucinex. I told Shiro I couldn’t work one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated self decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like “Not sure if I can go perform an exorcism with a head the size of Gehenna, bottom text.” I didn’t think until the next day that it probably wasn’t socially-acceptable to tell the Paladin you weren’t coming on a job via Tumblr style memes. When i woke up, i found that he’d printed it out and taped it to the fridge.

Yukio: Oof you guys i turned on my laptop that I used to use back then. IT WAS ON THE DESKTOP. THIS IS WHAT I SENT. It’s even worse than i remember it

For @swearingintengwar

145 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

#2

Adorable commission of Kacchan and Fuyumi-neesan from @wintertundra-art! I absolutely love how this one came out, thank you so so much!

145 notes - Posted March 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Apparently my best friend has never seen any of the How to Train Your Dragon movies, and I'm due for a rewatch, so we're watching them together.

We're about halfway through the first and there's two things that really stand out to me this time around:

Hiccup is funny. Like, really funny. (Sure, he's funny in the later movies, too, but there's something uniquely amusing about the self-deprecating humor of an awkward and lonely fifteen year old with absolutely no filter. It's great.)

All things considered, Stoick is actually.... a pretty decent parent. I mean, I've been reading a lot of HTTYD fics lately, and many of them portray him as this awful, domineering guy who doesn't care about his son AT ALL until he becomes "useful" or whatever. And watching the OG movie, especially from a more grown-up perspective on things, he's really not all that bad. Sure, he's not exactly getting any 'parent of the year' awards. He's a human, and he makes mistakes, but, considering the circumstances, he really is trying his best.

399 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[flyersheartbreaker]

Forever By Your Side| Isaac Ratcliffe

a/n: this is my first imagine that I am officially publishing! I am very excited to share all of my writing content and series with you guys :)

Pair: Isaac Ratcliffe x reader

Summary: Watching your boyfriend Isaac get seriously hurt during one of his home games and watching him battle through the toughest injury a hockey player could battle, so he can continue on with dream playing in the NHL

Warnings: Hockey Injuries, Cussing, Cute Fluff

Word Count: 3,321 words

It was just another ordinary Sunday afternoon watching a game live from the PPL center here in Allentown, Pennsylvania or so I thought. The game was going really well with the Phantoms up 3-1 on the Hershey Bears half way through the second period. There was your beloved star-studded boyfriend number 19 carrying the puck up against the boards through the neutral zone when suddenly bam everything went to complete silence, except for that shear sound that you wish you could so badly get out of you head.

I jumped out of my seat and darted up the stairs from the lower-level seats that I was sitting in with some of the other girlfriends. I can hear the god-awful scream ringing in my ears over and over again that was coming down from ice level. The crowd was silent, so quiet that you could probably hear a pin drop and when that happens you know for a fact that it isn’t good. Nothing ever good comes from silence at a time like this and I needed to get down to the locker rooms as quick as possible.

Isaac got hit hard up against the boards and fell awkwardly down to the ground, and his right foot looked like it twisted the wrong way. He's had rough collisions before, but never like this. Isaac is a big dude that you surely didn’t want to ending up colliding with, but this time it looked like Isaac got the wrong end of the play. I never in my life ever heard him yell in absolute pain like the wat he was when the trainers and his teammates were trying to help his 6-foot-6 body off of the ice.

My heart was in my stomach as I was racing down the stairs that would lead me to the home locker rooms. I quickly flashed my team badge to the security guard Frank without saying a word. He must have known it wasn’t good either, as he told me to breathe and be careful myself as I jumped down the last few steps.

If Isaac had a season ending injury, it would kill him. He was just heating up and playing his best hockey yet and working his ass off day in and day out so he could eventually make the Flyers roster within this season or even next season for sure. But if his season is over that means his chances of getting to the NHL level could be too and that would just destroy him completely.

As soon as I rounded the corner to the trainer's office, I saw him being helped on to the examine table. His face was as red as a cherry, and he was in a lot of pain. The trainers quickly started icing the area the best that they could as they slowly untied his skate and too it off of him.

“He is definitely going to need some X-Rays done immediately and possibly an MRI as well depending on what the results of the X-Rays are.” The Phantoms trainer Brian Grogesky said to Neil who was one of the Phantoms physicians.

“Jeff and Robert are on their way down from the press box and getting the emergency X-Ray equipment ready. In the mean time you need to relax the best that you can Isaac.” Neil said to Isaac as Isaac tried his best laying down comfortably on the examine table.

Both Brian and Neil noticed me standing outside of the door of the trainer's room and signaled me to come on in, in hopes that Isaac could ease up and relax a little bit more with me by his side.

“Hello, y/n! Looks like we got a live one here and that big boy landed pretty hard on that ankle of his.” Brian said trying to make light of the situation.

Isaac sat up on his elbow and looked me dead in the eyes. I can see and feel the pan behind them, my heart sank even more for him. I just want him to be okay, I want him to be able to play the rest of this season, he worked way too fucking hard for this to happen to him.

“Hey babes, how is the pain?” I said walking over to Isaac and grabbing his hand while kissing him ever so lightly and carefully.

“It's a bitch babe if I am being honest. I’m trying not to think of the worst, but I can’t help it. This isn’t fair, why me? Why fucking me?” Isaac said in more frustration.

“Isaac, don’t get too far ahead of yourself. We don’t know the actual results just yet. But whatever the outcome is you can come back from it stronger than ever. Hockey injuries is sometimes apart of the game as silly and stupid as it sounds, but you’re a fighter and you got this.” Neil said as he placed another bag of ice on Isaac’s ankle.

“They are right babe, your team trainers, physicians and any other doctors have your best interests. Let’s get you into the X-Ray room and then go from there okay big guy.” I said while planting another kiss onto Isaac’s lips.

Jeff brought in some crutches for Isaac to use, so they can take him down the hall to get the X-Rays taking care of. I am hoping that is all that Isaac is going to need and that whatever it is, it's a quick recovery.

After a few short minutes Isaac was crutching back out of the X-Ray room with a look of disappointment on his face.

“Oh no babe...how bad is it?” I asked him while he collects himself.

“It’s not broken...but they are sending me for an MRI early tomorrow morning to see if that shows up with anything and then go from there.” He said in a low tone.

“Well, that is a plus sign that it isn’t broken. You got to be positive about this honey, you need to be optimistic. You can't be negative. Everything is going to work out for the best. Hopefully it's just a minor sprain and you will be back on the ice in no time.” You told Isaac as you wrapped yourself around his side.

All of Isaac’s staff and trainers helped Isaac out of the arena and to his car and safety got him into the passenger seat while, I got into Isaac’s driver's seat.

“Alright, make sure when you get home you put more ice on that ankle for at least 15-20 mins on and then same time off. Do it throughout the night if you can and also, make sure you are using the crutches as much as possible and for the love of God Isaac do not put any pressure on that ankle until after we get the MRI results and see exactly what is going on. We don’t want to make the injury any worse than what it could already be. Try to get some much-needed rest and we will see you in the morning.” Brian said closing the passenger door.

The ride back to Isaac’s apartment complex was extremely quiet. I didn’t know what to say or what to do, so I just let Isaac sit there and pounder in his thoughts alone without me distracting him. Which probably wasn’t a good idea, because I know my boyfriend, I know for a fact that he is thinking the worst possible scenario that he could think of right now.

I helped Isaac out of the car and into the elevators up to his apartment and got him comfortably settled on the couch with his foot/ankle elevated and two ice packs placed on the injured area.

“Do you want or need anything? You want me to bring out another pair of comfy clothes for you?” You asked Isaac as you placed a pillow behind his head/back and placed a blanket right by him as well.

“No, I’m fine...” He whispered as scrolled on his iPad to rewatch the ending of the game and rewatch highlights and the moment of his injury.

You so badly, wanted to say something along the lines to him like "babe don’t be watching that now, it wasn’t your fault, there was nothing that you could have done to prevented that from happening, so on and on.” But deep down you knew nothing would make him feel better until he knew what the main results were. And as the night went on, you could see the realization hit him that this was going to keep him out for a while. He just looked sad, and drained.

After a couple of hours, another X-Ray, and an MRI later, you and Isaac were sitting there waiting in the trainer's office for the results from both the trainer and team doctors.

Both Brian and Jeff walk in with a folder which I assume held the test results for Isaac’s ankle/foot.

“Well, the good news is the second X-Ray that we took this morning once again showed that there was no brake in both the ankle and the foot.” Brian said.

“And what about the MRI? What did the MRI show?” Isaac asked nervously.

I grabbed Isaac’s hand and interlocked his fingers with mine. I could see the look on both Brian’s, Jeff’s, and even Coach Gordon’s face that this news that they are about to give doesn’t seem to be very promising.

Jeff cleared his throat ever so calmly and spoke. “The MRI came back with a high ankle sprain injury which means we really don’t have a timetable for you to return to at this point of time. This type of injury is extremely difficult to recover from quickly. So, with that being said we need to place you on injury reserve indefinitely until we get more of a clear view on this injury.”

“Out indefinitely...so that could mean that I might be done for the season?” Isaac ever so softly spoke.

“Unfortunately, yes Rat...I am so sorry and with it being late into the season already we don’t want to risk anything further and do anymore damage to the ankle. Brian, Jeff and myself all agreed on shutting you down for the remainder of this year. So, it’s better for you to take this time to heal carefully and properly and then eventually rehab it back to full strength without any other necessary tests or worse case scenario surgeries. Then once you have healed properly, we can train and get you back to 100 percent for next year's rookie and training camp.” Coach Scott Gordon said while looking at both Isaac and myself.

My heart broke ever so much for Isaac, this isn’t fair. I know injuries can be a part of the game sometimes, but why did this have to happen to Isaac and why now?! He has been killing it day in and day out since being drafted in 2017. He deserves his chance at playing at the NHL and now with this setback is he ever going to make it to that level?

The ride to Isaac’s apartment was once again a quiet one and this time I don’t blame him. I mean how is he supposed to react to something like this? What is he supposed to say or do when your head coach, trainer and team doctor shut you completely down for God knows how long.

Isaac settled down on the couch and tossed his crutches to side and unstrapped his high ankle boot so he can comfortably rest his ankle on the pillow in front him.

"Baby, I am so fucking sorry that is happening, it’s not right nor is it fair to you." I said, resting my head on his shoulder while getting cozy next to him.

"What if this is it for me? What if I can't play anymore after this?" He asks, eyes filling with tears.

"Hey, hey, hey, don't say that.  You being negative will only make that happen. You are a fighter Rat...you are one tough, strong as hell hockey player who will power through this. I promise you that." I said grabbing his hand and interlocking our fingers together, while placing a kiss on his hand.

A tear rolls down his cheek ever so slightly. "All I wanted to do was be that excitement that both the Lehigh and Philly fans need. All I wanted ever so badly was to have my chance to make it to the NHL level and it got taken away from me. Why do bad things happen to good people?" Isaac asked broken and frustrated.

Once he started crying, I had lost it. Nothing I could do, or say would take that pain away from him and it just broke my heart. I went into the kitchen and I just cried as grabbed him more ice packs from the freezer. How am I supposed to look at the man that I love, and not have my heart shatter like glass when I look into those eyes that were once so shiny, and bright, but now shows nothing at all?  I have no idea the pain he is going through or the frustrating emotions he is now going through as well and I feel terrible.

I eventually collected myself and walked back out into the living room and ever so easily and softly place the ice packs on the injured area and took my seat back on the couch next to Isaac.

"That's the crappy thing about life.” I breathed as I took a deep breathe myself and continued on. “For some reason, it always attacks the good ones, and praises the hell out of the bad ones." I sob, wiping away not only my own tears but also his tears once again. "We'll get through this. I promise. It'll be hard, and it'll be long, but we're going to pull through this." I tell him as I run my hand through his hair.

He squeezes my other hand tightly. "What if during my time out things don’t get better and I need to get surgery, and it's worse than they thought? That could happen. What if they see that my injury is worse than what they thought and that I am out on the shelf even longer and I completely miss this upcoming season as well? Or worse they tell me that I can't do this anymore?" He asks, gasping for air. "I don't want that to happen and I'm scared to death that it will."

I snuggled beside him even more then I already was, resting my head on his chest, sobbing harder than I was before, because I honestly hate when he thinks that he isn’t good enough or he thinks his career is over because of a minor setback or in this case a possible major setback. "Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, okay? Just for now, it's a bump in the road. No journey to greatness is a smooth one Isaac. Whatever the hell happens next, we'll face it together as a team, because I am not leaving your side and letting you fight this injury alone. I know that you so badly want to break and that you feel like this the end of the road, but you need to keep pushing and listen to the training staff and follow their instructions."

"I love you so much." He tells me, sniffling. "Thank you for helping me with this, baby, I couldn’t do this without you" Isaac said while planting a soft and slow kiss on my lips

"I'll help you through anything. No matter what." I said while smiling and kissing him softly back.

It was battle to get Isaac’s ankle back to a healthy, normal, and stable ankle for a hockey player at his height and weight but we were able to do it. It was a long road and journey until Isaac was back out on the ice skating again and preparing himself for this upcoming training camp season.

Isaac looked and felt good, until one day right before the Flyers condensed training camp something didn’t seem right with him.

Isaac met up with Flyers trainer Jim McCrossin and after a deep examination we found out that Isaac was suffering from a fractured rib and a collapsed lung. We don’t know how exactly this had happen or when it happened. It could have been from when he fell during his ankle injury or from being hit during Rookie Camp, we don’t have the answers right now. And once again, here I am watching my boyfriend being completely destroyed and devastated all over again.

Isaac became instantly depressed, and much worst this time around because he knew there was no chance of making the Flyers squad this season and who knew when he could lace up for the Phantoms season as well. But thank God for Jim McCrossin who helped Isaac get the right and special care that he needed and got him completely healthy so he could play for the rest of this Phantoms season as well.

Isaac was getting game day dressed for a home game here in Allentown. I sat on the bed and watched/admire him as he fixes his tie in the mirror.

"Try not to worry about tonight so much baby, you are going to absolutely kill it out there like always. Once you get out on that ice, I have no doubt in my mind you will play just like how you used to before all of these setbacks. And just remember that no matter how easy, or how hard tonight’s game is going to be I'll be here for you always. But also, please promise me one thing, that if you don’t feel right to let your staff know immediately because I never want to see you get hurt like this again.” I said walking up behind him and wrapping my arms around his torso.

"I promise babe, I know that I need to take my health more seriously and whatever happens, happens. One day I will make my dream a reality and officially play in the NHL, but for the time being I got to focus on the now and my health." He said as he spun around and kissed me.

Watching Isaac warm up made my heart race and beat fast. But it was all worth seeing him back out there skating with the team and his boys. He looked so good and happy out on the ice and that is all that I could ever ask for.

The journey was extremely hard and long this past summer and fall for both Isaac and I, but in the end it definitely made us a stronger unit in our relationship and it has totally made Isaac a stronger hockey player both physically and mentally.

After the game, I bolted down to the locker room this time excitedly to see my boyfriend, not in a complete shear panic like last time and waited for Isaac to come out after he was done with the media.

The door swung open and I immediately saw Isaac and jumped right into arms like a little high school girl. “Babeee, you were beyond amazing tonight! I am so very proud of you, how are you feeling?” I asked nervously but giddy at the same time.

Isaac picked me up and kissed me ever so passionately before answering any of my questions that I just threw at him. “I felt good and still feel good. It was awesome to be back out on that ice again playing with the boys in front of our home crowd, their excitement and energy helped out a lot. But truthfully, I couldn’t have done any of this without you, y/n. I love you so much and I can’t wait to continue this amazing hockey journey with you right by myside.”

[lukesperfectharmonyhair]

im rewatching jatp instead of studying for the 3 tests i have tomorrow and i thought i would share my thoughts and reactions with each episode so enjoy!!....

wake up

- hearing the “1, 2, 3″ at the start of the episode gives me more serotonin than my antidepressants ever will

- julie’s slippers...that’s it...that’s the thought

- that dry ass pasta the molina’s are eating for dinner??? someone needs to give my man ray some cooking tips or a cookbook... something

-the looks the boys give julie when she says it was an OLD cd she found. as if they could be old??

-the entire julie and luke kitchen scene i mean there are no words to describe how much i am in love with scene. the banter, the flirting, luke giving this girl he literally just met an actual PIECE OF HIS SOUL so she can get music back into her life. not a single time have i watched that scene and not felt my heart literally grow cause of how cute they are. 

-the entire scene when julie is singing wake up. that scene is what made me literally CRAVE watching the other episodes. like of course i was going to watch them cause i wasn’t gonna just stop watching a show after one episode, and yes the show was good already but seeing the lighting and her voice, and just everything about the scene,,,,*chef’s kiss* 

bright

-flynn drinking seven sodas....SEVEN??? i would be throwing up if i drank more than like 2 and she drank seven,,,no ma’am.

- flynn and her trumpet. talented queen

- “ i wouldn’t have given you the song if i didnt think you were gonna rock it.” lmaooo im crying:)

- i start tearing up every time julie goes to play the first notes of bright,,, and then i’m full on bawling when the guys come in and play with her cause...they weren’t playing to be seen they were playing to be there for her and play to comfort her. pls i love them<3

- nick vibing in the front row

- the tech guy deserves so much more praise

flying solo

- reggie’s little butt shake or whatever you wanna call it!!

- julie’s little laugh when she yells at the guys to stop it

- “and we’re on the runway again” GENUINELY one of my favorite lines of the whole show pls i love luke’s humor

-this is the first time i noticed this but reggie’s face after alex says “DONT TELL ME HOW TO GHOST!”

-WILLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU<3333333

-the slow mo helmet take off,,,,me too alex me too

-willie’s little giggles:))))

- “oh-oh!”

- “no clue” alex i love you baby<3

- next season better give us a scene of flynn throwing eggs at someone’s house because i think it’s safe to say we were robbed of that experience. 

- the flying solo performance is just amazing

i got the music

- just the whole opening scene is so cute ....the dancing, singing, happiness RADIATING from julie 

-nick in an all white suit and fedora

-WILLEX MUSEUM DATE YEAH BABYYYYY

- carefree skateboarder bf and anxiety ridden drummer bf

- yelling. in. museums. 

-alex thinking he’s literally dying again because of the salt... zero braincells in this band.

- another scene we were robbed of that i need to see in season 2...reggie singing “home is where my horse is” while alex and julie sit patiently and attentively listen to him but luke looks like he’s about to commit murder

- i get SO MUCH second hand embarrassment for julie when she looks through luke’s songbook and says “ wow luke I didn’t know you were such a romantic” julie baby i love you but...eekkkkk

- “he looks like a substitute teacher”- where did he come up with that like so many other things he could be compared to but a substitute teacher??

- “luke introduced you to rock” heck yeah it did.. literal soulmates

- would like to see a picture of the raccoon in Flynn’s backyard

- wee woo wee woo police sirens://///

- julie’s outfit ughhhh i love it

- the poster that im pretty sure says “sexiest role” behind caleb... why was that necessary 

the other side of hollywood

- THE ENTIRE PERFORMANCE OF THE OTHER SIDE OF HOLLYWOOD 

- i lose my absolute shit over this song omg literal chills

- the cape grab i cannot physically do this rn

- willie being so excited the entire performance and looking over to see alex’s reaction

- reggie being in awe everytime one of the girls performing does something.. me too reggie

-”well i wouldn't really call it mAAgiCcCC bUT”

- nick and his fedora again

- alex has a crush, alex has a crush on.....WILLIE

-the boys eating food for the first time in 25 years is honestly so realistic

-alex shoving a whole slice of pizza in his mouth

- lukes ‘OH MY GODDDDD’

- reggie kissing his meatball sub that looks painfully dry but also delicious 

- the continuation of the other side of hollywood performance and everyone dancing

-reggie imitating caleb’s evil laugh and owen trying so hard not to break

-me getting mad at the boys for not showing up for julie and being sad with her but at the same time i’m obviously not mad at the boys just...disappointed?? idk 

finally free

- how did julie get to the school if she missed the first three classes?? wasn’t she still at flynn’s house from the night before cause she slept over so did she walk to school or was she just sitting in flynn’s house by herself and one of flynn’s parents was like you gonna go to school or???

-dance class with nicky poo<3

-reggie fixing his amp in the rain

-julie’s blue dress outfit in this episode is my ABSOLUTE favorite 

- the birthday candle scene makes me sob like a little baby,,,and rightfully so

- julie smart, smart to be taking calculus as what a sophomore??

- all eyes on me yes queen iconic

- alex dancing is how i dance in my brain whenever the song comes on 

- finally free as a song is NEVER given enough credit and why not?? it’s my favorite song they do as a band AND the madison’s vocals and the echoing part omg i loveeeee

- and the whole performance with luke’s heart eyes. i count this performance as the moment luke like fell in love with julie...like full on just blown away with how much awe and admiration he has for her in that moment and all the time.

 - julie and luke singing “and you’re a part of me” while staring directly into each others soul,,,yeah that’s love kids

edge of great

- carlos being the ghost hunter he is and tía being done with him

- luke’s pouting face 

- reggie and ray making breakfast together is so wholesome. reggie really loves and seeks comfort in ray and i love that

- luke just waiting next to julie’s locker and his little “hey”

- the first time i watch this scene i thought charlie was from new york cause of the way he says “ i can't do this without you” and then i watched the cast interviews and just realized he is somewhat joey tribbiani 

- jealous luke hehehehehhehehe

- “well dont you look shARrP”- yes he does luke thank you very much

- “uh oh i think someone has a crush on julie” yeah you do you little shit,,, now admit it to her

- the proud look on luke’s face when he realizes julie is still paying attention to HIM even though she’s supposed to be having a full on conversation with nick

- the shoulder push ( as someone who has had their own shoulder pushed in the middle of a high school hallway as a weird way of flirting,,,,i can definitely somewhat attest to how luke is feeling in that moment and i too continued to flirt with the person who shoulder shoved me while we were still standing in the hallway)

- the flow from whatever the hell dance nick and julie are doing and the perfect harmony dance is so special to me and i love it

-ADOANCLOBNAOVBCOAB THE HAIR PLSSSSS

- EVERYTIME THE SCENE COMES ON AND I SEE HIM WALKING THROUGH THE MIRROR I HAVE TO PAUSE THE SHOW FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES WHILE I DIE LAUGHING BECAUSE THE HAIR IS SO BAD EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD BE USED TO HOW IT LOOKS AFTER WATCHING THIS SHOW LITERALLY 30 TIMES

- i think people see my username and assume i like his hair in this scene but...ummm fun little fact i do not like it

- the dance is so good though ugh my babies

- the hair

- madison is gorgeous 

- another season 2 scene i need: julie teaching this dance to luke and they perform it in front of alex and reggie so they can see luke roll on the floor like that

-the hair

- the lift i loveeee

- the voices at the end of the song *chef’s kiss*

- the way julie spins out from luke and into nick omg so good

- “thAnKs pArTnER”

- luke denying his feelings for julie,,,babe pls

- the whole edge of great performance is so good and beautiful and the colors are SPECTACULAR 

-julie avoiding luke’s gaze lolz

- can't believe my mans really tried to deny he didn’t have feelings for julie like 5 hours earlier even though he’s getting upset because she hasn’t looked at him in 2 minutes

- THE. GUITAR. RIFF. SOLO.

- when i finally learn how to play the electric guitar well enough to learn the guitar solo... it’s over for everyone

-nick just came to watch the girl he likes perform not watch her flirt with a hologram plssss can we give this man a break next season.

- “we have to say goodbye to julie”- that’s literally more important to luke than not playing music anymore because julie is music to him now

unsaid emily

-already crying and the episode hasn't even started

-willex in the orpheum

- alex literally being OVER reggie

- nope too emotionally unstable to watch this scene right now

- my therapist will be hearing about this tomorrow

- show us the baby picture of luke cowards

- this is such a beautiful song that makes me cry every fucking time gosh damn it

- everytime i watch the flashback scene of luke on his bike i think of “christmas song” by phoebe bridges and i cry even more

- i tried to learn how to play this song on my electric guitar (because i dont have an acoustic guitar) and i ended up crying half way through so i do not think i will be playing it anytime soon:/

- the harmonies *chef’s kiss*

- THE POLICE LIGHTS ....i cry

- FAT tears rolling down my face

- there's literally not a moment i don’t cry during this episode

- interesting little relationship :0

- when i played percussion in 7th grade i used to lay down on the couch in the practice room at school ( which god knows what people did on that couch...ew) and stick my drumsticks up my nose too,,,, just another similarity between alex and i 

stand tall

- willie really drove a bus 200 miles into the desert for his crush

- WILLEX HUG 

- i love willie no last name so much,,,i just wanna hold and protect him

- alex’s ballerina dance

-julie’s overall outfit i love<3

- “im swimming”

- the way carlos hangs up the iPad on tía makes me CRACK UP he’s just lmao bye girl

- another julie outfit i love

- “anything julie. you know that.” AHHHHHAASIDSJFPACISN love bitches

- the suits

- luke’s hair in this episode is so much better than the perfect harmony hair pls

- YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE

- the way luke looks so restricted and confined in his suit... but at the same time he looks like a 10 week old puppy

-luke’s AGGRESSIVE but small foot tapping leading up to being on the stage

- the solos:)))))

- crying again over julie’s monologue to her mom

- julie really was brave enough to be ready to perform by herself

-the way Trevor looks at carrie when she says “been here before”

-ALEXXXXXX

-REGGIEEEEE

-luuukkKKKEEEEEEE

- this performance makes me cry

- especially the first time when i saw luke flickering...sobs

- he finally looks free in his suit:))

- alex’s solo is so pretty i love him

- reggie’s solo too 

- nick just straight up vibing the entire performance

- alex and luke holding hands...hehehe cute besties

- “thank you, guys” NO THANK YOU 

- the way julie begs for them to do something about the jolts for HER cause she knows luke would never say no to her

- “no music is worth making, julie, if we’re not making it with you,” I JUST SCREAMED AND IM PRETTY SURE I WOKE UP MY ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD...whoops

- going back to that line i could say so much about it but....for someone who’s life was literally MUSIC for the 17 years he was alive, and after finding out he could play music again even though he was dead and saying it made him feel alive, he would give that up- he would give up playing his guitar, playing in a band with his friends, give up writing and singing music- if he wasn’t doing that with julie. that’s more than saying i love you,,,that’s literally like saying i’d give up my ENTIRE LIFE and what i love to do if i dont get to do it with you

- i just made myself cry with that description...wow

-the hug<3

-also imagine how luke felt in that moment,,, hearing this girl, once again that he would give his life up for, saying in his ear that she loves them. i would motherfucking glow too, luke

- *passionately but gently holds each others faces*

-HANDS OFF MY BABY NICK, CALEB

- caleb’s outfit is....something

- the head turn plssss

this was so long and i am so sorry but if you read this far.....leave some of your own reactions or thoughts:)))

k goodnight im gonna, ugh, finally go study ://

[silenceofthecookies]

A lazy day

Pairing: Aizawa Shouta x female reader

Word count: 1115

Warnings: spiders

Summary:  Shouta and you finally both have a day off and you decide to spend it in the best way you both can thing of: doing nothing.

Shouta was really enjoying his day off. No students to ruin his mood, no villains to tire him out,… finally a lazy day at home. You had the day off too, so the two of you had made it a point to make the day as relaxing as possible together. No chores, no schedules, no things you absolutely had to do… just fun things.

When Shouta woke up that morning, he groaned once he noticed it was only 07:00. He was used to waking up for school around this time, so it wasn’t a surprise, but he did not want to wake up early today. Certainly not once he saw you were still sleeping next to him. Sleeping in was a rarity for Shouta, and because of that he had trouble falling back asleep. He had an idea though. Moving carefully as to not wake you up, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close. Being the cuddlebug that you were, even in your sleep, you snuggled closer to your boyfriend. Your warmth combined with the sound of your slow, deep breaths made it easy for Shouta to fall back asleep.

The second time he woke up was when you carefully tried to remove his arms from around you to get up. Instead of letting go, he just tightened his arms around you and pulled you closer. You giggled and turned around.

“Good morning, handsome.” “Good morning, beautiful. You have some nerve, trying to escape my affections.” “But I have to go to the bathroom.” “I’ll let you go on one condition.” “A condition to not let me pee our bed? Do tell.” “You’re coming straight back for some cuddles.” “That’s a tall order, but I guess I’ll have to.”

You winked at Shouta and got out of the bed. He chucked as he watched you leave the bedroom and made himself comfortable. It seemed he had fallen back asleep for a little, because the next thing he knew you were pinching his nose.

“Hey, what gives?” he groaned. “’What gives’ yourself. I thought you wanted me to come back for cuddles.”

Your playful grin showed that you weren’t actually mad at him, despite your words. Shouta chucked and pulled you down onto his chest. The unexpected movement made you yelp, but you soon made yourself comfortable. Sometimes you hated how lazy Shouta was, but at times like this you loved it. Lazy mornings were filled with cuddles, kisses, casual talk or catching up on all the things you missed while you were working different hours.

After an hour of slowly waking up while cuddling, Shouta’s stomach growled, announcing it was time for breakfast. You ate a nice breakfast with both of your favourite foods, and then moved to the couch for a lazy day of watching Netflix. You quickly settled on a new gameshow called ‘the floor is lava’. Nothing better than seeing a children’s game about imaginary dangers being brought to life to distract you from the actual dangers you faced every day. The only reason either of you moved from your comfortable spots on the couch was to go to the bathroom, or to grab snacks or drinks.

For dinner the two of you ordered some food at your favourite place, and it was eaten in front of the tv. To keep the theme of people smacking their faces (and bodies) into objects for a prize going, you decided to rewatch Wipeout episodes on YouTube. It had been a good while since that had been on television, but you had never forgotten the joy of watching people get smacked in the face – or other parts of their bodies – by an automated boxing glove.

Shouta was always grateful for days like. There was a very relaxed atmosphere between the two of you. He could nap, he could watch tv, he could talk to you,… anything, really, and you wouldn’t judge him. It was also at times like this that he reminded himself that he should really buy that ring sometime soon and marry you. Though by tomorrow he’d probably lose his courage again. Maybe he should ask now without a ring? Nah, you deserved a ring and a cheesy romantic setting. Him proposing in just his sweatpants with foodstains on it would not really give you the idea he was serious about it.

You got up and walked to the kitchen, you both needed a refill on your drinks, while Shouta cleaned up the table a bit after you had finished eating. The easy part of takeout was that once you were done, you could just throw it all in the trash, no need to do the dishes. One more reason to love takeout, right?

Shouta had just finished collecting everything in the plastic bag the food was delivered in, when he heard an ear-piercing scream from the kitchen. His hero instincts instantly kicked in and Shouta ran to the kitchen. Had a villain found out where he lived? Or maybe just a burglar?

Once he entered the kitchen, he was met with quite a peculiar sight. You were pressed to the wall, tears in your eyes, staring at the middle of the kitchen floor. Following your line of sight, he noticed that on the floor was a big, black spider. Shouta instantly relaxed and started laughing.

“What’s so funy, Shouta?! Get it away from here!” “What’s funny is that I thought we were under attack, or that you encountered a dead body or something. But no, it’s just a spider.” “JUST a spider? Shouta, that thing is gigantic!” “Yes, yes. I’ll take it outside right now, give me a moment.”

Still laughing, Shouta walked towards the middle of the kitchen, picked up the spider, and put it outside. When he came back inside, you were still calming yourself down. He laughed and wrapped his arms around you and kissed your temple.

“The spider is outside, you’re safe now, babe.” “My hero, thank you.” “No problem. Really, such a strong woman, and just a little spider makes you panic and cry? You do know you can crush that thing with one finger if you wanted, right?” “Shut up.”

You hit him lightly over the head, still snuggling into his chest. Yes, that spider had really scared you, but you would take any excuse to snuggle up to ‘your hero’. Maybe you should ask him to marry you sometime. Shouta always seemed to like it when you took initiative in the relationship, maybe he was waiting for it…? As you walked back to the living room, you decided that you would start looking for a ring next time you went shopping.

[duckymcdoorknob]

HEY IM STILL ON A MINI HIATUS BUT I COULDN’T TAKE NOT HAVING MY SAFE SPACE ANYMORE!!!

ILL BE BOUNCIN ON AND OFF MAKING SHITPOSTS, BUT NO FORMAL WRITING UNTIL SUNDAY MORNING.

SINCE ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ASKED- HERES HOW LIFE IS GOIN RN

This was probably the most mondayiest Monday of my life

Senioritis is awfUL

I’ve got two tests tomorrow In the two subjects that matter most.

(Econ and English. I need a 94 to not have to take my Econ final, and I need a 90 in English to stay in the honors society)

I’m behind in 3 classes and continue to fall more every day.

I got another temp fever from trying not to cry all day

My EDs be as fiery and sexy as ever

BUT- a friend that I trusted and told about it came up to me today and said “you didn’t eat today did you? You were doing so well, but you haven’t talked to me about it in a long time. what’s going on?”

I haven’t eaten more than a meal a day in roughly three months and you just didn’t notice and I didn’t want to tell you bc I was worried I was annoying you but thanks

When I tell you i was one more nice comment from him away from bawling, im telling the truth.

It’s hell week for little women

I’m not off book for little women (down to like 50 ish lines tho!!)

I take my first set of final bows Saturday night and I’m not ready.

My fucking musical director man

I love him to death, truly I do, but if I get discriminated against by him one more fucking time I’m gonna choke him, NOT affectionately >:(

Freshman year: I can’t play Jane Banks because I’m 5’8

Senior year; I can’t audition for Jack Kelly because I’m female.

But I can audition for davey!!

Why is that you ask?

Because jack has a female love interest,

And I, a female, am NOT allowed to be in love with a member of my own sex.

gasp. Scandalous, I know.

But in all honesty what the fuck.

I feel guilty for this one but- I’m so tired of being friends with people.

Let me elaborate.

I can’t even sit with one of my friends without being in constant fear that she’s going to talk about how dysphoric she feels or how she wants to $h00+ herself, or how she’s gonna have a panic attack over literally any minor inconvenience. I feel like shit for feeling this way but like it’s all she says to me anymore and I just want my friend back.

I have another friend who is going through depressive episodes and refuses to go to therapy as much as I beg him to, so I’m his only outlet whatsoever. Anytime I don’t give the answer he expects or wants, I get hit with “it’s okay you’re busy I’ll be fine” or “it’s fine just go to sleep then” and he makes constant sooishidal jokes and they just make me feel sick.

I have friends, who aren’t in eachothers’ inner circles, who (as mentioned earlier) are in a constant cycle of “oh I wasn’t invited? Haha that’s fine I’m used to it!!” Or “oh thanks for thinking of me right now and not when you were inviting people!” Or “must be nice to be included haha!”

Sometimes I just want to be alone, but everyone takes offense to it when I don’t sit with them at lunch or in the mornings.

I can’t complain about anything, A N Y T H I N G, without either being berated for complaining, being interrupted and ignored or being derailed by one of them complaining about their own issues.

And I can’t even imagine opening up about what I’m really feeling Bc I WILL scare them all away. I don’t want to talk about it because I know how it feels to have to comfort while having huge loads on your shoulders.

I can’t go to school counselors either without them telling my parents.

So yeee i get to suffer Bc I can’t ask for help.

NOW FOR DA HAPPY

I wrote a lil sum sum that I will post on Sunday morning

IM SEEING WORLD HEROES MISSION ON SUNDAY TOO

I ordered more diamonds for my painting so now I can finish it :)

I’m rewatching AOT and falling in love with all of the characters again.

SIBCE WHEN WAS MIKASA THAT HOT

[safflowerseason]

The OC rewatch - 2x09, The Ex-Factor

To the lovely and insightful anon who sent in the ask regarding my take on Ryan and Marissa’s fight in 2x09 -

I answered the post and put half of my response under a “Keep Reading” cut because it basically turned into a mini-essay and I wanted to preserve everyone’s timelines. But because this website has the clunky design of a junkyard car, the formatting got all messed up when I added tags to the ask post (@Tumblr - why can you not tag an ask post directly?!) and moved the cut to just below the original ask, hiding the whole response, at which point I got so frustrated I deleted the whole thing. 

Anyway, Anon, you noted that this fight in 2x09 really encapsulates Ryan and Marissa’s baggage as a couple, and is also one of the few moments in the show they are genuinely open about their issues. As any Veep fans who read this blog know…I adore breaking down a good explosive fight (and I love writing them, too). One of my proudest accomplishments on this website is my close-reading of Dan and Amy’s fight in Ep. 5.03. So I analyzed the hell out of this fight for you, because you’re right—it is a very important fight for Ryan and Marissa. I also included the make-up conversation they have after the argument as well, because it seems to me that the two moments are linked. 

First, a few opening comments. 

Thematically, this episode calls back to Ep. 1.13, The Best Chrismukkah Ever, which is the last time we have really seen Ryan and Marissa confronting this idea that the way she deals with the challenges of her life—drinking and other reckless behavior—bring up very real shit for him, emotionally (even if he is also subconsciously attracted to her because of it). This dimension of their relationship kind of gets swept under the rug for the rest of S1, with the Oliver and Theresa drama. But it’s back on full display here, since Marissa is (theoretically) supposed to have spent most of the first third of S2 on a low-grade bender. Note that Ryan refers to the “Dawn Atwood special” earlier when he’s speaking to a drunk Lindsay. This is a familiar trauma, watching over a drunk woman, and it brings out the worst in him.

I also find this argument noteworthy because it shows Ryan in his worst light, but not necessarily Marissa. Yeah, she knowingly let Lindsay drink too much, which is a pretty passive-aggressive move, but she’s distinctly not Lindsay’s babysitter. And when a drunken Lindsay (somehow) makes her way back to the club, Marissa and Alex start looking after her. It’s Ryan who goes off on Marissa with very little provocation, and it’s clearly more about his own issues than hers. I just think it’s significant that this fight occurs on a night Marissa is pretty well behaved, all things considered. Not to wave away Marissa’s substance abuse issues, which are serious, but this fight at least demonstrates that Ryan’s explosions of violent overprotectiveness would not necessarily be solved if Marissa suddenly stopped drinking tomorrow. Their issues with one another are more complicated than that.

Anyway, so here we are, in the backroom of the The Bait Shop that is mysteriously run by an emancipated minor (Alex Kelly). Lindsay is passed out on the couch; Marissa and Alex are tending to her.

Marissa: I can do that. Ryan: I think you've done enough. Marissa: Oh, ok, so this is the part where you blame it all on me? Ryan: You’re right, it was Lindsay's idea to pound straight vodka and pass out…feel good to see someone else mess up for a change?

Out of all the teenagers on the show, I don’t think we ever see Ryan drink? He clearly views binge drinking as a moral failing. This is understandable given his upbringing, but alcoholism is much more than a question of good vs. bad. (Although just to be clear…I do not think binge drinking is a good thing, especially for teenagers.)

Marissa: It was her idea! And, ok, so it got a little outta control b- Ryan: It always does with you! You spent all last year trying to drag me down with you, and now her? You wanna make a mess outta your own life, fine! You’re doing a pretty good job of it if you ask me.

Ryan uses the word “mess” twice in this sequence of dialogue, which is very telling. Even more than S1, in S2 we’ve seen Ryan truly trying to capitalize on the opportunity his relationship with the Cohens has brought him. The line “drag me down with you” is extra significant. In S1, Ryan was pretty willing to throw himself into Marissa’s life and try to solve all her problems, which he views as Marissa “dragging him down.” (Lol, remember when he blew off his entrance exam for Harvard to help Marissa escape from the hospital?) But this year, Ryan has done the opposite. He’s thrown himself into things not involving Marissa, namely his schoolwork, and he clearly sees his relationship with Lindsay, studious and innocent, as part of that new direction. As a result, Marissa’s “mess” has become even more of a risk to his future.

But at the same time, Ryan is so afraid that Marissa is going to destroy her life in some way, and therefore his life. As you said, Anon, he’s conflicted about her place in his life because of the potential danger of her actions, even as he’s drawn to her beauty and vulnerability otherwise. So, he goes after her in a way that is pretty unjustified in this particular moment.

Alex: No one asked you! Ryan: (aggressively) What did you say?! Seth: Hey, Ryan, let’s…let’s go. Ryan: No, I'm not leaving her here. Alex: I’ll take care of her—you go.

As an episode that begins to set up Marissa’s relationship with Alex, this episode doesn’t do a bad job. Alex, as the one person in Marissa’s life who actually defends her, must come as an incredible relief.

And now we’re in Alex’s apartment, where Ryan has come to apologize.

Ryan: Look, I don't know…I…I guess I was hoping this could be easy...for you and me to stay friends…for you and Lindsay to be friends. Marissa: (skeptical) And have us all live happily ever after? Ryan: (sheepish) Yeah, something like that. Marissa: I know it seems like a million years ago we dated, but it wasn’t. Ryan: I know that. Marissa: And ok, maybe you're over it, maybe it doesn't mean anything to you anymore…maybe it never did...but it meant a lot to me. You meant a lot to me...still do.

I think Barton is actually decent in this scene. She doesn’t overplay Marissa’s confession. She’s very quiet and matter-of-fact, and it makes her words all the more devastating. Meanwhile, the camera cuts to Ryan’s face throughout this line, and Ben Mckenzie makes a series of expressions that make it pretty clear that Ryan has been pretty actively not thinking about his and Marissa’s relationship, because it’s just too much.

Ryan: ...it's not like that I...I don't know what it’s like… And…thinking you and Lindsay should be friends was a bad idea. Marissa: Why? I like her. And if you do the math, she's my step sister, so… Ryan: …I guess. (Mckenzie is unintentionally hilarious with this delivery.) (pause) Marissa: Look, clearly, it's gonna be strange for us for a while. Ryan: Yeah I know, you’re right. (pause, turns for the door) I’m sorry. That's what I came here to say. Marissa: I’m sorry too.

The way BM delivers that last line, genuinely heartfelt, the emphasis on the word “sorry”…it's really Ryan apologizing for his departure at the end of S1 and the manner of his return. He left abruptly, he came back abruptly, they never talked about any of it, and he and Marissa basically stopped speaking after the (contrived) DJ reveal. They never had a chance to clear the air, and it’s not like they broke up because they stopped having feelings for one other...all their joint pain over what happened has just been festering.

So, Anon, that’s my take on this great fight. Thanks so much for sending in the ask!

[swan2swan]

Previously on Tangled...

I learned that the movie was getting a show, and I saw the animation style and saw her hair and thought “Well, that’s curious, and looks cute, but it’s going to be for kids, clearly, so I probably won’t watch it. Still, it’s neat that they’re doing 2D-animated cartoons for their movies, especially if they’re getting the cast, that’s somewhat nostalgic.”

Then I saw pictures of Cassandra and went “Oh no” because I was worried they were going to lure me in with this dazzling swordfighter-friend who would probably be the subject of some slash-ship jokes before being paired off with some guy who didn’t deserve her...or might deserve her.

Then I saw some early reviews coming in that complained about how the show didn’t take trauma seriously, and how they didn’t like the way Rapunzel’s father was portrayed. I didn’t watch the show myself, but these reviews steered me away: “I’m not going to get involved,” I said. The most I did was explain to anyone who complained “But heR hAir wAS cuT oFF” and say “Yeah, the first preview addresses that, I’m sure there’s a reason.”

Then, I was down south at my grandmother’s house for Easter. I took a break and went upstairs while everyone else was socializing and just turned on the TV, checked the guide...and saw that “Tangled the Series” was on. So I went to see what was going on, and the episode was “Challenge of the Brave”. I watched and was excited to see Cassandra, and I grew frustrated as I saw Rapunzel effortlessly defeating her in the contest. I will always prefer hard work and practice to innate skill in my stories, so I was on the verge of brushing it off...but then Cassandra let loose with that speech. She unleashed frustration at Rapunzel because the privileged princess could afford to stroll down here and goof off while Cassandra was fighting to push ahead in life, and that stunned me. Here was this speech, in a children’s show. 

Then came a preview for “Cassandra v. Eugene”, premiering next (I think), and so I decided to watch that episode. And I watched it, and I loved it because Rapunzel was hilarious and Cassandra and Eugene had to bond and she had a halberd, and I blinked at the “’Cobra-Man’? Haha, no...” line because was that deliberate, and hearing Ron Perlman back as the Stabbingtons was just great...and so I decided that I would have to watch the show from the start.

So I did. When I returned to my apartment in the north, I watched the show. Start to finish. And yeah, I made the jokes about Cass and Rapunzel--but the fact that she called her “Raps” just made the whole thing sweet. And I remember being frustrated for weeks because “Return of Strongbow” was the latest episode for ages. It might have just been a two-week deal, but you know, when you just caught up with a show and spent ten minutes at most between episodes, three days until the next premiere is a lifetime.

By then, I was wholly on board. Episode after episode, I watched them. And sometimes rewatched them. When “Under Raps” came out, I saw the preview and reasoned that Cass was probably threatening this new “boyfriend” she was promised--something that drove me and several other fans nuts, but hey, let’s get it over with--and then the episode just pulled the rug out from under me by bypassing the notion altogether, and from that moment onward, I viewed Cass--legitimately--as a lesbian character in a Disney cartoon. More about that later, and the disappointment that slowly built as, once again, censors and standards diminished the influence...but her existence is still there.

I read a novel where Cass and Raps bonded and got married. I spent my birthday crying over the death of a cartoon frog’s mother. I watched a happy holiday special turn into a horrific moral dilemma that ended with a villain’s origin story, and spent the rest of the season stressing about when the hammers would drop. 

I saw shadowy figures step into the sunlight, saw the familiar trend of a Quality Animated Show being shoved into the dark corners of If You Watch It You Watch It. I went to my parents’ house and got up early on a Sunday morning to watch Max and Eugene break out of a prison barge live on TV, after countless months of leaving our characters stranded on a mysterious island with an uncomfortably realistic Idol of Addiction--crowned by a declaration of love from Rapunzel in a stunningly-animated sequence. I watched Cassandra murder two spirits when she thought Rapunzel was lost forever, I made gifs, gifs, and more gifs, I struggled to try and make music videos (thanks for nothing, software), and I speculated and debated in ways I hadn’t done since Korra. I waited with dread for the spoilers in certain scripts to be inflicted upon Cassandra, and felt my jaw drop as they played out an almost-romantic Cassunzel AU fanfic on the screen of canon. I cracked up at endless “Seal” puns, marveled at Eugene’s open shirt, found myself rooting for Lance and Adira, and realized with horror that my favorite character was going to turn to villainy--and when she did, it broke so much of the show.

I would be lying if I said that the third season is my favorite (right now). Honestly, it’s been my least favorite, but the reason why is because these characters became real to me...again, real in ways that I haven’t experienced in ages. This third season has been filled with so much hardship for them, and for the first time since Avatar: the Last Airbender, I’m truly dreading if my beloved protagonists are going to have a happy ending. Well, one in particular, because I know there’s a short (that I still haven’t watched!) where Rapunzel and Eugene tie the knot...but of course, Cassandra isn’t there. And I suppose we all know the reason for it.

But Cassandra deserves a life of happiness, and so that’s why I await tomorrow with dread and anxiety: because what if it’s not worth it?

But this show has done things that have surprised me and comforted me. Eden promised us at the end of Season Two to hold on and stay calm. Mandy’s final script teaser had some...very spoilerific dialogue, with some very interesting word choices. 

And tomorrow, we’re going to see them play out.

So, bring it on, Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure. I knew you before you bore that name, and hopefully, I’ll be purchasing your full boxset and lending it out to anyone who wants it, because you’ve been one of the Best Shows I’ve seen. Despite my worries, despite your missteps, despite the terrible word choice of certain episode titles and certain dialogue options because no that doesn’t make them that at all, you’ve delivered time and time again on mature and morally-grounded themes and speeches...whether it’s Rapunzel promising a frightened teen that he can do the right thing or yelling at spirits that she won’t let her fears hurt the people she loves, or Eugene assuring Rapunzel that she can make the right decisions and promising to be there for her, or Cassandra calling out class and privilege in an attention-grabbing speech, the show’s done its job. 

So thank you to the cast and crew of this magnificent saga. Whatever happens next, however I feel tomorrow...you brought me joy and strength and passion and gave me strength through hard times. 

Thank you. 

[naturepointstheway]

"I can't sleep" prompt (Alternate Max and Choe because we need more of them)

In which I experiment with an idea that has been marinating in my brain for a while: what if Alt!Max was the passenger in the SUV that totaled Chloe’s beloved hybrid? Takes place in 2011–I see alt!Max at this point as still being a little more like the Max we know from the main timeline, and I’d say something like this would really hit hard for any iteration of Max, be she alt!Max or main!Max. Chloe’s POV.

Chloe hates waking up these days to her immobile, numb body and the neck brace restricting any movement of her head. All she can do when she opens her eyes to the miasma of fatigue and a constant aching in her skull, is just stare at whatever happens to be in front of her or in her peripheral view. She doesn’t want to be alive, doesn’t want to live like this; she wishes–but does not say it aloud–to have died immediately in the crash. So she didn’t have to wake up in hospital, literally unable to move a muscle. So she didn’t wake up to her parents trying and failing to hide their tears of relief when she opened her eyes for the first time since the accident. At least the painkillers meant she hardly ever dreamed, and if she did, she never remembered them on waking up to the same white walls, the same machines attached to or stuck inside her, the same neck brace, the same everything. 

She can’t feel any modicum of relief or happiness that her friends had come in to visit her in the hospital, or at the very least had sent her flowers and cards to the ward. It was nice, but what could she even do with them? And all the flowers and cards and well-wishers in the world would never help her move or feel anything below her neck ever again. What was the point? They were just sorry for her, sending cards with nonsense stuff like “Get well soon!” and “Hope you get better!” and “Thinking of you”. No one offered to help her with anything–any of her favourite music they could bring, along with an ipod and headphones? There was a tv in this room–what about her favourite movies? What she wouldn’t give for a rewatch of Blade Runner. Back to the Future would be nice, or even Groundhog Day. Just anything, anything to keep her mind off her now useless physical state of being. 

If only Max was here–but Chloe hasn’t heard anything of her, not even a letter or card, let alone visit. She wanted to be angry at Max for never rushing to her side, just to be with her But she doesn’t have the energy to even summon any stronger feelings beyond disappointment. She’d forgive Max for not being here in a heartbeat if she ever visited her at all in the hospital. None of her friends mattered nowhere near as much as Max, who wasn’t even here, not yet anyway. She’d help Chloe with anything, surely, doing it in a heartbeat. 

Please don’t abandon me, Max…

Chloe has long lost count of how many days she has been in the hospital, for each today that passes seems exactly like yesterday, and tomorrow would be the same. The only thing that really changed was the sky outside her window–rainy, overcast, sunny, or all three in one hour. The stars moved past her window as they always did, every night. 

The mornings are the same, the afternoons, the evenings, the nights. Always. 

Until she wakes up one late afternoon from yet another dreamless sleep, to see she is not alone on her bed–someone is sitting in a chair brought flush next to the bed, their arms and head resting up against Chloe’s side, carefully avoiding the IV line. She only needs to see the short brown hair to know it’s Max–her Max. Max Caulfield. Chloe’s mouth twitches into a very brief, faint smile, but it’s the first smile in days. 

Chloe strains to say Max’s name, but for the trach newly inserted in her throat, connected by a tube to a ventilator. The neck brace wasn’t helping matters much either.  

“Max?” 

Max doesn’t move, doesn’t react. She may as well have fallen asleep right there in her chair, resting her head and arms on the bed. 

“Hey…Maxine.” 

A little groan. “It’s Max. You know that.” 

Max falls silent, but a second later, her head jolts up, straightening her posture up enough to make eye contact with Chloe, whose smile faded before it even appeared on her lips at all. 

Max looks terrible. Her hair, usually so tidy and cute in its bob style, is limp and looks like it hasn’t been showered for several days. Dark rings shadow the skin under her bloodshot eyes, and her face is so pale that her freckles look even darker than usual. Her clothes, usually tidy and ironed, look like they were fetched from the laundry pile, all rumpled and tired-looking. 

“You look awful,” Chloe remarks. 

Max slumps back on the chair, hands clasped together, shoulders hunched up and tense. She chews her bottom lip, looking like she’s barely holding back her tears. 

“I can’t sleep,” Max mumbles, voice weak and so quiet Chloe had almost missed what she’d said. 

It’s hard to talk, and it wears Chloe out to force her voice box to work, but she doesn’t care. Max is here, and that’s all that matters right now. 

“Why?” 

Max is quiet–too quiet–as she bends forward to rest her head in her hands, hair falling forward to cover her face. 

What I’d fucking give to hug you right now. What the hell happened? 

After what feels like a long minute, Max raises her head again, hands falling limp in her lap. Her eyes lock onto Chloe’s, gaze never wavering away. 

“It’s…it’s my fault,” Max says in a monotonic voice, “But everyone keeps telling me it’s not.” 

Chloe doesn’t have a good feeling about this. Nevertheless, she stays quiet, silently urging Max to continue. She can hear Max’s shuddering inhalation before speaking again. 

“Chloe, I was there.” 

What? She saw–

“I saw everything. I was–” Max’s arms wrap tight around herself, hands gripping at her shoulders. “I was the passenger.” 

“The SUV?” Chloe rasps, a flash of memory passing through her thoughts–the SUV out of control, ramming into the passenger side of the car, the shattering windscreen–

“Yes. I was–am–on a road trip with some friends, and our driver was an older cousin of one of them. Full license and everything.” Max’s fingers grip so tight on her shoulders, Chloe can see the girl’s knuckles turning white. “We ran out of snacks and…and I volunteered to go with my friend’s cousin for more from the grocery store.” 

Chloe can already see where this is going, but she stays quiet, letting Max tell it at her pace, taking the time she needs. 

“It was late, and there was barely any traffic–and she had to go and speed down the roads just because there wasn’t any cars. I’d–I should’ve done something, Chloe. I should’ve. If I’d have known–” Max’s words catch in her throat, and she squeezes her eyes shut for a few seconds before slowly opening them again. “Chloe…I swear, I never want to hurt you. Everything…it’s so fucking unfair. You didn’t deserve this–if I could–I’d do anything if it meant you…you could move again. But I didn’t stop her, and I–I’m…god.” Max’s hands convulse in her lap. “I saw you. It–I hate thinking about it.” A straggling inhalation, followed by an exhalation. “Chloe…I thought you were dead. I saw–I saw you. You were…” Max’s words fail her and she shakes her head, looking away, cheeks wet. 

Fuck. No wonder she can’t sleep. 

“There was…I don’t want to think about it.” 

“Then don’t.” 

“I can’t! I close my eyes, and I don’t want to sleep. Because I know–I know I’ll see everything again. I don’t want to sleep. Ever again.” Max’s fingers rake through her limp hair, stilling on her scalp. “There was so much glass. So much blood. You were…I thought…your parents should hate me right now–but they don’t. They say–they say it’s not my fault. But Chloe, I can’t help thinking it. If I’d done something–”

“Max.” 

Chloe’s forceful use of Max’s name shuts the other girl up, blue eyes locking back on hers. 

“Not. Your. Fault.”

Silence. Max’s eyes do not waver from Chloe’s face, but nor does she speak again. 

“You weren’t driving…right?” 

Max shakes her head. 

“You didn’t know what would happen.” 

Another shake of her head. Chloe tries her best to smile, aching so much to get up and pull Max into her arms, let her cry into her shoulder, it’s bordering on torture. 

“See?” Chloe wishes it wasn’t so hard to talk. “Not your fault. Mom and dad were right.” 

“I hope so.” 

“I know so.” 

“I wish I could believe that, Chloe.” 

Max just stares down at her hands, looking, if possible, even more despondent than before. Chloe wishes she could move her arms, just so she can grab Max’s shoulders, shake some sense into her, make her see that no one held her to blame, believed her to be at fault. She wants to be able to walk, so she can grab Max and take a walk with her to the only actually decent cafe in the hospital, because she looks like she hasn’t eaten in days either. 

Chloe might not be able to hold Max ever again, but still, she could think of the next closest thing. It wouldn’t be remotely the same, but still. If it gave Max comfort…

“Max?” 

“Yeah?” Max’s voice is barely above a whisper. 

“Come here.” 

She hesitates at first, a long moment passing before Max stands up, shaky on her feet, her hand reaching out to the side-table to stabilise herself as she shuffles up next to the bedside, looking down at Chloe with swollen eyes. 

Chloe offered a small grin, gazing up at her friend. “Damn. You’re so much taller. That growth spurt finally came.”

Max looks down at her own feet, then back up at Chloe’s face. “Really?” 

“Max…” 

“Yeah?” 

“I can’t hug you, but…” Chloe has to pause to rest her voice for a few moments. “Would it help if you…held me?” 

Max’s eyes widen as Chloe’s words sink into her. “You sure?” 

“Sure.” 

Several seconds of hesitance pass before Max carefully sits on the edge of the bed, facing Chloe, leaning to carefully tuck one arm under her shoulders, the other around her chest before resting her head on Chloe’s. Chloe closes her eyes, grateful she can at least feel Max’s warm, but still damp with tears, cheek on her forehead. She hears shoes tumble to the floor–one, two–before Max pulls up her socked feet onto the bed, so she is resting against Chloe. It’s not an easy feat by any means for them both to fit on the same bed, but not impossible. Chloe opens her eyes again, glances down at her feet under the blankets, at Max’s resting next to hers. 

“Oh…still a midget,” Chloe teases in a whisper, “Thought you’d grown taller for a moment there.” 

A muffled sniffle, a little noise that might’ve been the weakest of giggles. 

“Thanks, Chloe.” 

Another moment, quiet and filled with the gravity of Max’s remorse and the grim state of her own body. 

“Not your fault, Max. Not your fault.” 

[wayward-river]

Unexpected

Sweet Pea x Reader - Reggie x Reader

AN: I’m trying to get back into the swing of things sorry this took so long to get out but I do love it! I hope y’all do too! This was requested by my boo @theflameofdeath! All mistakes are my own, I do not own any gifs I use. Thanks to my beta @xserpentlife as always! This is work of fiction I do not own the characters or the shows used.

Word Count - 3433

Requested Yes - Hey boo! So I’m rewatching Friends and I got to S8 E12 and I was wondering if you could do a thing about Joey and Rachel’s plotline but with SP and the reader? Basically the reader hasn’t been on a date in a while/she’s only been on dates with bad guys and SP (her best friend) takes her out on like a friend date to try and cheer her up but he ends up actually falling for her but she still shows no signs of being interested in him and your choice if he tells her or not :)

Warnings: Angst, pregnancy, slight language. 

You sat on the couch flipping through the channels trying to numb your mind. You pressed a hand to your stomach smiling as it fluttered. “Hi little one. What’s got you moving?” 

As the words left your lips the front door opened Sweet Pea coming through smiling at you. “Hey pretty girl” 

“Hey! Look I’m now my own table.” You smiled as you balanced a pop can on your protruding stomach. 

Sweet Pea laughed coming to sit down next to you. “Hey Y/N/N I’m taking this girl out in a few days know of any place to take her?” 

“Drew’s Cafe in Greenwood it’s romantic, it’s got great food. I’m sure one of your fancy girls would like it.” 

Sweet Pea pulled a face. “My fancy girls?” 

“Yeah you know those Northside and Greendale girls you keep getting to go on dates with you. All fancy girls Pea. Oh, and then afterwards you could take her to the Wyrm or some fancy bar for drinks. Or go listen to music or dancing… OH! TAKE HER DANCING.” 

“You sure are listing a lot of ways to postpone sex Y/N/N.” 

You smacked him in the arm. “I miss dating. Getting dressed cute, going to Pops or shooting pool at the Wyrm. It was so much fun. I won’t be able to do that for so long. Not that sitting here worrying about birthing a seventeen pound baby is not fun.” 

Sweet Pea took the pop can off of your stomach taking a drink before placing it on the coffee table turning more fully to you. “You know what. Why don’t I take you out?”

You turned shocked. “Pea you don’t want to go out with me. With all of this. I’m a pregnant girl not someone you can take out and then get laid.” 

Sweet Pea scoffed. “I do though. C’mon it will be fun. We can go to Pop’s then go dancing at the Wyrm, if you are up for it. It will take your mind off of all this baby shit and things spreading out and rippin-” 

You leaned over placing your hand over Sweet Pea’s mouth. “Okay… okay! I will go with you if you stop talking about that.” 

Sweet Pea smirked. “Okay tomorrow night. Six O’clock.” 

You bit your lip smiling. “Okay.” 

You stood in the bathroom. The dark green maternity dress hugging you, as you put the finishing touches on your face. You leaned out of the bathroom as the doorbell sounded throughout the trailer.

“Pea! Can you get the door?” 

The doorbell sounded again. “Pea?” You sighed stepping out of the bathroom heading to the front door. You pulled it open confused looking back towards the hallway that lead to Sweet Pea’s door. 

“Pea? What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room?” 

“I’m picking you up for our date. These are for you.” Sweet Pea smiled bringing a handful of sunflowers out from behind his back handing them to you. 

“Oh Pea, sunflowers are my favorite.” 

Sweet Pea smiled coming in from outside as you pulled a cup down from the cabinet filling it with water and placing the sunflowers in it. 

“This is starting to feel like a real date. Although I have morning sickness, and I’m wearing underwear that comes up to my bra line.” You laughed. 

“What do you mean, this is a real date. Here.” Sweet Pea looked around. “Nice place you got here. Pizza boxes, serpent stuff, oh a subscription to playboy. My kind of woman.” 

You let out a laugh rolling your eyes. “I’d like to meet this roommate you speak of he sounds amazing.” 

“He is, but he’s very protective of me so you better watch yourself.” You smirked. 

“He good looking?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“Must be hard to keep your hands off of him.” Sweet Pea smirked winking. 

“Eh. I’m pretty sure he’s gay.” you laughed. 

Sweet Pea faltered breaking his charade. “Hey you are no fun. What the hell Y/N/N.” 

“You started it Pea.” You smiled as you linked your arm through his letting him lead you outside. “The truck?” 

“Yeah Fogarty let me borrow it. Figured with your uh, situation that the bike probably wasn’t the best way to go.” 

“Yeah I probably wouldn’t look very good on a bike right now.” 

Sweet Pea stopped. “You would look stunning on a bike. Don’t talk like that.” 

You rolled your eyes but nodded as Sweet Pea opened the truck door for you closing it as you got in. You smiled as the soft tunes of your favorite station played once the truck started. 

“So where are you taking me?” 

Sweet Pea smiled. “Well miss ‘I’m not a fancy girl’, you’ll just have to see.”  

You playfully smacked him as the truck pulled into Pops. “How’d you know Pops was my favorite?” 

“I take pride in knowing my dates.” Sweet Pea winked getting out of the truck. He came back over opening your door.

“You know you don’t have to do that.” 

“Open your door? It’s a date Y/N I’m going to.” 

Sweet Pea lead you to a corner booth pulling the table out slightly towards him. You glared. “I’m pregnant Pea but I can fit in a Pops booth.” 

“I know I just like the table closer to me is all.” 

You rolled your eyes not calling him out on his lie as Veronica stepped to the booth. She smiled at the two of you. “Hi guys, what can I get you?” 

“Hey V, can I have the bacon burger but instead of fries another bacon burger?” You questioned making her laugh. 

“Actually Veronica just put in an order for 3 bacon burgers with fries with two cherry shakes and can you bring out like a few strips of bacon super crunchy so miss cravings over here can put it in her shake.” 

Veronica laughed as she took the menus from the table. “Yeah it will be up shortly. I’ll bring out some water beforehand.” 

You smiled at her before turning to Sweet Pea. “You know my shake order? What I’m craving?” 

“I pay attention, also how do you think things keeps magically appearing in the freezer? A food fairy?”

“I thought Fangs was just being Fangs since he’s the one on late night jobs and will usually bring me one.” 

“It’s all me baby.” Sweet Pea winked making you blush. 

You cleared your throat. “Oh I forgot I have a check for rent.” 

Sweet Pea put his hands up. “We are on a date no roommate stuff okay?”

“Okay. Well I’m excited now I get to see what the famous Sweet Pea is like on a date. You have any moves?” 

“No if they don’t like me for me..” Sweet Pea started cutting himself off with his own laughter. “C’mon Y/N/N of course I have moves.” 

You smirked. “I knew it! C’mon show me your moves.” 

“I was going to wait till the end of the night to kiss you but you are so beautiful I don’t think I can.” 

You leaned in pressing your hand on his arm. “Wow. I almost leaned in… wow.” 

Sweet Pea smirked. “Tell me one of yours.” 

“If you excuse me I have to go to the restroom.” You got up, smirking. Still in ear shot. “You are watching me walk away.” 

Sweet Pea smirked. “So simple, wow Y/N/N.” 

You returned to the table. The conversation and laughs not stopping. You were mid sentence when the bell to Pops rang and you watched with glossed over eyes. Reggie Mantle walked in with a Vixen on his arm. Sweet Pea turned around following your line of sight. He scowled trying to rein in his anger of seeing Mantle. Ever since he walked out on you he wanted to knock him out. Sweet Pea turned back around looking at your trance like form. He placed a hand on your arm gently. 

“Hey… let’s get out of here. Yeah?” 

You pulled your eyes away from Reggie nodding slowly. Sweet Pea left money on the table motioning towards Veronica slightly without giving anything away to you the reason you were leaving. Veronica nodded with a small wave. Just as you were about to follow Sweet Pea out the front door, a hand wrapped around your arm. You turned coming face to face with the father of your child. 

“What do you want Mantle.” 

“How are you?” 

You pulled your arm out of his grip. Turning, his eyes immediately going to your stomach. “I don’t know Reggie. I’m a teenager who is going to give birth in the next few months, who was kicked out of her parents house because of it, and oh yeah my so called boyfriend who took part in knocking me up bolted as soon as he found out. I’m just peachy.” 

“Look I’m sorry. I just wasn’t ready, and if my parents knew… ” 

“What so you are the only one that matters in this situation? You think I’m ready? Fuck Reggie how dumb are you? But you know what, don’t worry I have people who care about me and this baby way more than you ever would. Oh and don’t come around in a few years wanting to know us either. As far as I’m concerned this baby doesn’t have a dad.” 

Reggie backed up. “I did love you.” 

You scoffed. “You sure have a way of showing it.” You turned around. “Let’s go Pea, I suddenly feel sick.” 

Sweet Pea nodded, grabbing your hand while glaring daggers into Reggie until he got to the truck. “That was amazing. I’m glad you finally put that mangy bulldog in his place.” 

“Yeah… ” 

Sweet Pea reached over wiping a stray tear from your cheek. “I know you loved him, I’m sorry he’s such a dick, want to go home? We don’t have to do the rest of the date.” 

“There’s more?” 

“Well yeah, you listed a lot of things Y/N/N.” 

You smiled. “I don’t wanna go home Pea, I want to do the rest of our date.” 

Sweet Pea’s hand moved from your face to your thigh. “I’m glad.” 

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face as Sweet Pea pulled up to the Wyrm. “The Wyrm? You take your fancy girls here?” 

“No, just you, c’mon let’s go get a table.” 

You sat at the booth with Toni, Fangs, and Sweet Pea sipping on your sprite as they all drank from a pitcher a beer. It almost felt like old times. You smiled as the beginning of Tennessee Whiskey played over the speakers. 

“Let’s dance?” 

You looked across the table. “Seriously? I thought Sweet Pea doesn’t dance?” 

“Well it’s your lucky night then. C’mon princess let’s go.” 

You smiled softly as you allowed Sweet Pea to lead you to the dance floor. He placed his arms around you getting as close as he could, you wrapped your arms around his neck. You softly sang the words as Sweet Pea hummed swaying you both back and forth. When the song ended you smiled. “Thanks for that Pea.” 

“You ready to get out of here?” 

“Yeah, my feet are super sore and if I smell Fogarty’s cologne any longer I might upchuck.” 

Sweet Pea laughed while spinning you towards the front door. “I’ll tell him to lay off of it for awhile. You head to the truck.” 

You nodded as you went to the parking lot laughing as Sweet Pea yelled across the Wyrm. “YO FOGARTY LAY OFF THE COLOGNE.” 

“You know you could have walked over there.” You sassed as he came into view. 

“And miss embarrassing Fogarty? Nah c’mon Y/N/N you know me better than that.” 

You rolled your eyes as you climbed into the truck, laying your head against the cold window as Sweet Pea drove you both home. 

“Okay out of our friends who would you punch?” Sweet Pea inquired as he unlocked the front door, letting you in. 

“I’m not punching any of our friends Pea.” 

“No, but if you had to, like really had to.” 

“I don’t know okay.” 

“Jughead?” 

“Yeah, but I don’t know why.” 

Sweet Pea let out a booming laugh as he toed his boots off. “He’s annoying that’s why.” 

You flipped him off. “Be nice to Juggy.” 

“Whatever you are the one who said they’d punch him.” 

You stuck your tongue out at him as you pulled the white to go box out from the small bag. “Okay no judgements, I would wait until you had left buuut you live here with me so I’m chowing down on this burger.” 

Sweet Pea sat down next to you. “That’s fair. You are eating for two.” 

You smiled as your stomach fluttered again your baby moving. You gasped as you felt a kick. 

Pea looked at your worried. “Y/N/N! Everything okay?” 

You lurched forward grabbing his hand pressing it against your stomach. “She’s kicking!” 

Sweet Pea smiled as he felt the movement. “That’s amazing.” 

“Okay what are end of the night Sweet Pea moves?” You asked taking a bite of your burger. 

“If I want her to kiss me and not make the first move. I make my lips look irresistible.” 

“How do you do that?” You asked with your mouth full. 

“You can’t tell anyone if I tell you. I might have to kill you if you do.” 

You rolled your eyes at his dramatics. “Just tell me.” 

“I put on shiny lip balm.” 

“Oh my…” 

“Like a moth to a flame.” he smirked. “Okay now you tell me.” 

“I don’t want to it’s embarrassing.” 

“More embarrassing than shiny mango lip balm?” 

You snorted as you took a drink of your water. 

Sweet Pea placed his hands over his face. “I didn’t say what kind before did I?” 

“Nope” You smirked popping the p “and now I have something to hold over you for the rest of our lives.” 

“Oh c’mon Y/N/N, just tell me.” 

You stood up “Okay fine, you gotta stand up.” 

Sweet Pea smiled standing up excited to see what you think your move would be. 

“Well when we are at the door I lightly press my lips against his and then move into his body just for a second and then I make this sound. Mmmmm” Sweet Pea stood still entranced. You stepped away. “I know it doesn’t sound like anything but it works. Every time. Like a damn charm.” 

“Ye-yeah I’m sure it does.” Sweet Pea stuttered out. 

You smiled placing the rest of your pops in the fridge, turning you smiled up at Sweet Pea. “I had such a great time tonight Sweets. Thank you so much.” You stood on your tiptoes gently placing your lips against his cheek. He watched you disappear into your room before bringing his hand up to feel where your lips had pressed moments before. 

“Yeah me too.” He stood still for a moment before shaking his head and rushing to his room. 

You sat in the lounge. Laughing with Fangs, as Sweet Pea walked in. He eyed the spot next to you gladly taking it before anyone else could. 

“Hey” 

“Hi!” you paused. “You know how last night we talked about Kujo.” 

Sweet Pea nodded. “I can’t believe you haven’t seen it.” 

“Oh relax. Anyway I was going to rent it sometime?” 

“Let’s do it tonight?” 

A puzzled look crossed your face. “Don’t you have that date tonight?” 

“Oh, yeah… yeah.” 

“Hey did you feel weird last night?” 

“Yeah! You did too I don’t know what it was” 

“I think it was a bad batch of pop’s. I was in the bathroom all night.” 

“Oh yeah yeah me too.” 

“We should have crossed paths.” 

“I stayed in my room… don’t look in my hamper.” 

You shoved him. “That’s so gross Pea.” 

“Well I’m gross. I’m going to head to class. I’ll see you after my date with Emily tonight.” 

“TIFFANY” you yelled back at him hoping he would remember her name on his actual date. 

You looked to Fangs. “He seem off to you?” 

“When doesn’t he seem off?” He replied with a shrug of his shoulders. 

You shrugged as you got up heading to class. 

-

You sat on the couch popcorn next to you as you wrapped yourself up in a blanket watching the movie on the screen, and  hiding when you didn’t want to look. The door opened causing you to yelp. 

“Oh thank god you are home. I’m watching Kujo.” 

“Alone?” He questioned. 

“Yeah bad idea anyway…  didn’t you have a date?” 

“Eh, she wasn’t worth it.” 

“Want to watch with me?” 

“Uh, sure.” Sweet Pea sat on the edge of the sofa. 

“What are you doing over there? You sit here, you protect me.” You informed him as you pulled him down curling into his chest as the loud barking came from the screen. “How can you watch this are you not scared?” 

Sweet Pea wrapped his arms around you. “Fucking terrified.” He whispered. 

Sweet Pea POV 

The next morning I sat on the couch eating a bowl of cereal convincing myself I wasn’t in love with Y/N. She’s just your friend. Nothing more. Just your friend. Y/N walked out of her room in one of my old faded Serpent hoodies. I love you. What? Fuck. I’m so fucked. 

“Hey Pea, I’m heading out early. Reg wants to talk to me this morning.” 

I clenched my fist. “Want me to come with you?” 

“No. I’ll be fine.” 

I nodded. Taking a deep breath treading carefully. “Can I talk to you later?” 

Y/N looked up at me. “Okay. Find me at school, I’m sure I’ll be punching something after talking to Reggie.” 

I nodded putting a spoonful of fruit loops in my mouth. 

I pulled up to the school on my bike, my stomach in knots as I headed to the lounge. The closer I got I could hear Y/N laughing. Fangs must be there making her better after that douche ruined her morning. As soon as the thought passed his mind he saw Fangs at his locker. He looked down the hall Cheryl and Toni wrapped in each other. Was it Jughead? The moment I got into the doorway of the lounge my stomach dropped. Y/N was sat on the couch facing away from me while Mantle was facing her, his hands displayed on her stomach as he looked at her in amazement. I watched as she covered her hands on top of his. I stood frozen to the spot, unable to take my eyes off of the scene in front of me. I was close enough to hear the words. 

“Look after running into you at Pops with Sweet Pea the way I saw that I broke you I just, I’m so sorry. I want to help with this baby Y/N/N I want to be apart of their life and yours if you’ll let me.” 

I scoffed. She wasn’t going to let him back so easily. He walked away. I’ve been the one at appointments and holding her hair back during morning sickness. Where has Mantle been? Screwing as many Vixens as he can. 

She sighed. “Listen Reg,” I smirked ready to witness a Mantle beat down. “It’s going to take some time. I don’t trust you. I will always have love for you and I don’t know if we will ever get back to where we were, but you have to step up for any kind of chance.” 

I felt like I was going to puke. I watched as Reggie pulled her in for a hug kissing the top of her head, before saying he had to get to class. I turned around until I felt a hand on my back. Turning back around I forced a smile as I looked at Y/N. 

“Hey Pea, you wanted to talk to me?” 

I scratched the back of my neck. “Uh, I was just going to see if you copied notes in history yesterday.” 

She smiled at me and I swear my heart skipped. Why is she doing this to me now? We’ve been best friends for years. “Yeah I always write two cause I know how forgetful you are.” 

“I’ll grab them at lunch?” 

She nodded turning as I watched her walk away. I couldn’t help the sinking feeling in my chest. There was one thing I knew for sure. I would not let Reggie Mantle hurt her again. 

[thefigureinthecorner]

tama-rrow will be kinder- an am archives playlist

at least 3 months and 31 songs later and this monster of a playlist finally has a cover hell yeah

the pun title is....... literally the only fun thing about this playlist, actually.

song notes, and also spoilers, under the cut

a lot of these songs are mood songs; the lyrics don’t have a whole lot of relevance. most of them do have at least some lyrical relevance, though, provided that the song has any lyrics at all. it’s p much just the songs that helped me draw all that Good Good Angst

also important to note: I started making it after episode 9, so it’s mostly relevant to the back half of the show, and especially to the last couple of episodes.

again, this is 31 songs and over 2 hours long, so the notes are........ kind of long

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light/'Cause oh that gave me such a fright/But I will hold as long as you like/Just promise me we'll be alright

Desert Song - My Chemical Romance

this is one of those songs that’s there primarily for mood reasons; i added it right after episode 9 came out and it was on loop pretty much the whole time i was drawing stuff for that episode. the lyrics are kinda relevant, but not enough for me to pull out any specific lines.

The World Is Ugly - My Chemical Romance

this was added for mood reasons after 9, but then it became relevant.

I just wanted you to know/That the world is ugly/But you're beautiful to me/Are you thinking of me/Like I'm thinking of you/I would say I'm sorry, though/Though I really need to go

The Light Behind Your Eyes - My Chemical Romance

yes, there are three mcr songs in a row, and no, i’m not gonna apologize for that. the am archives slam dunked me right back into my emo phase. also, this song just straight-up hurts. like, the whole thing.

If I could be with you tonight/I would sing you to sleep/Never let them take the light behind your eyes/I failed and lost this fight/Never fade in the dark/Just remember you will always burn as bright

In Case You Don't Live Forever - Ben Platt

my one note for this song is: ow.

I've waited way too long to say/Everything you mean to me/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now/I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth/I'm everything that I am because of you

Spanish Sahara - Foals

this one’s another mood song, but it does have some lines that work; the forget the horror here sections are the biggest reason this song ended up on the playlist, actually, mood aside.

Hot Gates - Mumford & Sons

mood mostly, but also:

And I can't be for you all of the things you want me to/But I will love you constantly/There's precious little else to me/And though we cry, we must stay alive

Iridescent - Linkin Park

When you were standing in the wake of devastation When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now You were there impossibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation You build up hope but failure's all you've known Remember all the sadness and frustration And let it go, let it go

Gone Away - SafetySuit

again: ow.

i just... go look at the lyrics. do it. it hurts.

POWERLESS - Linkin Park

it’s mostly here for mood, but the lyrics feel relevant in a way that i can’t pinpoint but it’s a way that hurts.

Daylight - Boyce Avenue

i have other connections to this specific cover of this song that make it Extra Painful but like Daylight started playing literally right after Crazy while i was at CVS and i was like hey hi excuse me i just wanted to get some Arizona w h y

anyway.

Here I am staring at your perfection/In my arms, so beautiful/The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out/Somebody slow it down/This is way too hard/'Cause I know, when the sun comes up/I will leave, this is my last glance/That will soon be memory

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

ah. the Quintessential Sad Medical Drama Song. not that tama is a medical drama but like it kinda gave me those vibes at times?? anyway. it’s here for mood more than anything but there are some lyrics in it that hurt

The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

not even abba is safe from tama angst.

no seriously though i got this song stuck in my head and had an aw fuck come on seriously???? ABBA?????? you’re making ABBA hurt???????? moment

re: joan and owen

The gods may throw a dice/Their minds as cold as ice/And someone way down here/Loses someone dear/The winner takes it all/The loser has to fall/It's simple and it's plain/Why should I complain

and re: joan and wadsworth

I don't want to talk/If it makes you feel sad/And I understand/You've come to shake my hand/I apologize/If it makes you feel bad/Seeing me so tense/No self-confidence/But you see/The winner takes it all

I Of The Storm - Of Monsters and Men

Are you really gonna love me when I'm gone?/I fear you won't/I fear you don't/And it echoes when I breathe/Until all you see is my ghost/Empty vessel, crooked teeth/Wish you could see/And they call me under/And I'm shaking like a leaf/And they call me under/And I wither underneath

Hail To Whatever You Found In The Sunlight That Surrounds You - Rilo Kiley

this one is 100% a mood song. i’ve debated taking it off the playlist but it just... gets me in the right headspace for drawing tama art, i guess?? something about the sadness/anxiety in the song or something i think

Fear - Sleeping At Last

it’s instrumental, so yeah, mood song

For Good - Wicked

i’ve made art based on this song, but i didn’t even use the lyrics that actually hurt the most?

And just to clear the air/I ask forgiveness/For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know/There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Empty Chairs At Empty Tables - Les Miserables

yeah so realizing how well this song fit kind of felt like what i would imagine getting hit by a train feels like

the whole song fits. just trust me on this.

All Gone (No Escape) - Gustavo Santaolalla

another instrumental one that’s mood-only, but i was rewatching a last of us playthrough as a reference for a thing and this song popped up towards the end and i was like “ah, that hurts, i need it”

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face

y’know what? the song’s pretty short. have all the lyrics, and i’m sorry.

All is well now Pay no mind All is well now I'm just fine I'm just fine It's only blood; I have plenty left It's only blood; I just need to rest I said I'd fix this That I'd set things straight You begged me not to But I couldn't stay Couldn't wait They cut me up, but I did them worse And I'll be fine, I just need to rest All is well now All is well now All is well now All is well now

......yeah.

when i heard it, i swear to god it replicated that exact sinking feeling i felt in the pit of my stomach when i first listened to episode 15. it fits way too well, and i have too many feelings about this song, and hhhhhhh

After the Storm - Mumford & Sons

And I won't die alone and be left there Well I guess I'll just go home, Oh God knows where Because death is just so full and man so small Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before

The Trapeze Swinger - Iron & Wine

someone in the tag mentioned this song and i’ve been crying over it ever since

it’s just. 9 minutes of jesus christ, ow, what the fuck

Winter Song - The Head and the Heart

this one’s mostly here for mood, but some of the lyrics do fit and they hurt, like “we’re just praying that we’re doing this right/but that’s not the way it seems”; joan realizing that she’s been going about the tier 5 clear out the wrong way and the costly mistakes that come with that.

Touch - Sleeping At Last

i think this one’s mostly for the mood, but there’s something in the lyrics that make me think of joan in the finale; that kind of numb, “none of this feels real” denial of everything that’s happened both to her and to the people she loves.

Silhouette - Owl City

this song hurts especially in the context of the “i need you to be happy” line, i think; the line changing between “will i ever feel again//will i ever smile again//will i ever love again” is just, like, a trifecta of pain

The fire I began, is burning me alive But I know better than to leave and let it die I'm a silhouette asking every now and then Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again? I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own But the more I try to move on the more I feel alone So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

All Is Well (Goodbye, Goodbye) - Radical Face

fun fact! all is well (it’s only blood) has a companion song!! because you know what’s better than one angst? two angst!!

And I have lost your face It slips between my fingers now And all the world is gray As though you took the colors with you When you went and passed away

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday - Jason Mraz

this one’s on my joan/owen playlist too, but it hurt too much to not put it here.

And if we get to see tomorrow I hope it's worth all the wait It's hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories To be my sunshine after the rain It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

Cradle and All - Audra McDonald

i’m just sitting here, innocently listening to joan’s playlist, when this song pops up and i’m like aw fuck aw shit no goddammit

It's not like he didn't love, no, that I couldn’t conceive There are many ways a man can stay And many ways that he can leave

--

Oh hush, oh hush, don't be scared I know that you tried, I know cared Let's put it behind us, that noise in the hall

We All Go the Same - Radical Face

i’ve made art for this song, too! it hurts. it’s sad. it’s about death. it’s got sad piano. what more explanation do you want

Light In The Hallway - Pentatonix

it’s.... comforting in a sad way, idk. it felt like it fit, especially towards the end of this playlist.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder - The Secret Sisters this song is kind of like... sad and optimistic at the same time. i wanted to end this playlist on at least kind of a lighter note, and i think this song does that. it works with the finale; sad, not quite recovered, but still looking towards the future and knowing things can still be better despite every terrible thing that’s happened.

also, it’s where the pun title comes from.

Sorrow weighs my shoulders down And trouble haunts my mind But I know the present will not last And tomorrow will be kinder

Tomorrow will be kinder It's true, I've seen it before A brighter day is coming my way Yes, tomorrow will be kinder

Today I've cried a many tear And pain is in my heart Around me lies a somber scene I don't know where to start

[calliecat93]

Top 5 Things I Disliked About RWBY Volume 7

Well everyone, Volume 8 will soon be upon us. IDK about anyone else, but I’ve never been so anxious about a volume in the near seven years I’ve been watching this show. Not even V3 had me this nervous, and I knew by nature of it being a Tournament Arc that it was gonna be painful. But as we near the new volume, I want to reflect on the previous one. So I am bringing back my Likes/Dislikes posts… except this time I DON’T have to do twelve posts for six volumes in a week. Only gotta do one Volume for today and tomorrow. Phew!

While V6 remains my favorite volume,V7 was a very well done one and by far the best written thus far. It was honestly super hard to pick five things I didn’t like, and are all pretty minor honestly. Heck I expect V8 to address some of these since V7 was clearly the build-up. But I did manage to make a Top 5 Dislikes List. As always, this is just my personal opinion and you are free to disagree with me. Take everything here with a grain of salt. Anyways, that’s enough exposition. Let the countdown begin~!

#5. Too Many Characters/Lack of Focus

RWBY has a lot of characters. A lot, loooot of them. You can tell it’s an anime for that reason alone, haha. Volume 8 thought might be the winner in the amount of it’s cast. We have our main cast, which consists of nine characters already (ten if you count Ozpin and eleven if you count Maria), which is already a lot to keep up with. But in this volume we have Ironwood, Penny, Winter, the Ace-Ops, Pietro, Robyn and her Happy Huntresses, the Schnee Family, Watts, Tyrian, and the list goes on. And those are just the relevant ones.

To the show’s credit, the volume mostly handles the focus well. They make sure that ones like Ironwood and Penny get a proper amount of focus considering their importance in this volume specifically. They also do a lot to showcase characters like Robyn, Clover, and Marrow so that we understand what they’re like and care about them, which makes how things end up even sadder. That being said, it did cause some of cast I think to get the short end of the stick a bit. Characters like Maria and Jaune pretty much got barely anything, and Blake and Yang would have also been out of luck if not for their talk with Robyn in Chapter 7. Some of the Ace-Ops, like Elm and Vine, and the Happy Huntresses who aren’t Robyn also didn’t get a lot of focus and the latter especially only got bare minimum glimpses into their personalities. Even with characters I was happy with like Ruby, Weiss, Ren, and Nora I feel could have had more done with their arcs here (the latter two especially but we’ll get tot hat later) had there been less characters and/or more time.

This is Number 5 because not only is it a minor issue, but it’s kind of inevitable. Shows only get so much time and the characters we focused on needed that time. Ironwood’s downfall wouldn’t have been nearly as powerful if it weren’t center stage. It’s one of those hard choices where you want to see more, but the show just had other things that took priority for the sake of both production and the story. Ultimately, it was the right decision and at most just makes me wish there was more.

#4. Emotionally Draining

Again, minor. I wasn’t even sure if I should add this because really I think it’s more of a personal thing than anything. But I failed to come up with another option, so... gotta take what I can get.

As good as this volume was, it was a VERY emotionally draining one. It was probably the only time I was kind of happy when it was over because ie meant a chance to breathe until V8. There’s the whole political plot that hit way too close for comfort, Tyrian’s murder spree and Penny’s framing, Ironwood’s downfall, everything from the halfway point of Chapter 11 to the end. Heck eve the first two chapters, and even bits of 3 and 4, were super tense and on edge. We had plenty of light-hearted and fun moments in the beginning. But by Chapter 6, that came to an end (or I didn’t find funny, like JNR’s antics in Chapter 8, sorry guys) and it was V3 again, but somehow even more on-edge.

Like I said, this isn’t really a dislike and is on here because I couldn’t think up anything else. As I said, the writing was very strong and on-point. I was nervous, but I’m pretty sure that’s because the writers wanted the audience nervous. They wanted us to feel the tension and fear. hey wanted us to be as conflicted about everything as the characters that we were watching. It was effective too. But it did leave me relieved that it was all over. I didn’t watch V7 in full again until recently when I got my Blu-Ray copy to put into perspective how drained I had been. I was fine upon rewatch, but yeah... way to rise up my stress levels CRWBY!

#3. The Ren/Nora Conflict

This is related to the Number 5 section. I think we can all agree that Ren and Nora tend to get the short end of the stick compared to Jaune and the rest of the main cast. V4 was an improvement, but 5 and 6 returned them to minor supporting roles and even V4 did more for Ren than Nora imo, who to this day is imo the least developed of the main cast. But clearly they wanted to start changing that, and given Jaune more or less got closure last volume it seemed like an ideal time to give the two development, especially where their relationship is concerned.

While Nora was overall fine, Ren... not so much? They do a god job setting up the two’s conflict, albeit the cliché ‘girl compliments boy, boy ignores her as they’re in the middle of something else’ joke in Chapter 3 was dumb. But Chapter 6 made it clear that there was far more going on. Nora is pushing to help Mantle and in the following chapter we have her snap at Ironwood for forcing so much sacrifice on it, but not on Atlas itself. Ren however is closed off (more tha usual), focus more or less solely on the task, is clealry afraid of their uncertain battle against Salem, and even seems to side with Ironwood in Chapter 7. It’s the first major conflict between the two with Nora just trying to get Ren to talk to her. She even finally kisses him... and we all know what happens after that.

The main issue here is two things. One, we NEVER get any clarity on why Ren is acting so cold to Nora, the one person he was always open around (well... for him anyways). I mean I have a good idea why and I’m 99% sure that V8 is going to go into it, but without any clarity it just comes off as him being unfair to Nora who is just concerned for him. The other issue is there is no closure to 9it. We have the final chapter where Ren tries to fight Neo, but as she’s disguised as Nora it goes badly. The poor boy is tearful, snaps at Nora when she tries to calm him down, and it ends in the boy looking like he’s about to have a nervous breakdown. It’s heart-wrenching, but still ultimately leaves the conflict unresolved. Plus we had a pretty large gap between the Renora Kiss (Chapter 6) and that moment (Chapter 13) with some brief moments sprinkled in. Otherwise, Ren acted as we’d expect even with the goofy plan in Chapter 8 where he seemed unusually chill considering. So it just kinda feels like for a while they... forgot about it.

This is right in the middle because as I said, I expect Volume 8 to go more into this. They’ve outright said that if there was something we were confused by or felt didn’t go anywhere, Volume 8 was going to address. This was set-up, and it leaves me anxious to see how things will go with these two especially going off the brief lines we heard in the trailer. But it still sucked that we got no closure and didn’t go further into why Ren is acting like he is. I know I was unsure of how to feel when it was all over. But I guess we’ll see the final result soon enough.

#2. The Truth Revelations

If you were reading my Volume 7 reviews, you know that I REALLY did not like how Chapters 9 and 10 were done. Why? Because of the truth reveals. Now I now know why t was handled like it was, which actually saved it from being out at Number 1 on the list. But does that change me opinion of it? Nope.

First, I want to talk about how it more or less began. That being Blake and Yang revealing the Amity Project to Robyn in Chapter 7. While I DO like them taking matters into their own hands instead of being complacent, I STILL have major issues on how they didn’t talk to Ruby and Weiss about it. I’ve heard the arguments about it, but imo when we have Yang having major hang ups with lies and half-truths (it’s why she was enraged at Oz), her and Blake seeming to pull the same thing... doesn’t look good. There is zero on-screen indication that they let the other sin about it later, which had they done so then the group could have planned proper steps in helping the two sides which may have caused Ironwood to not jump off the slippery slope as badly. Will V8 mention this? IDK, but it does bother me and I would like it addressed especially concerning the themes of trust.

Then we get to Chapters 9 and 10, where my issues go into effect. Robyn drops the hostility and reveals her knowledge of the project, but wants to try and work with Ironwood. The heroes reveal everything to Ironwood and while understandably shocked, he otherwise takes Salem being unkillable well. Then the two leaders reveal this to Mantle, using Robyn’s Semblance to prove it, and... that makes the citizens okay. Yeah... even knowing what happens later I still have issues with this. Because even with that knowledge, there was NO GOOD REASON fo AY of this to go well.

Robyn may know why Ironwood was depleting Mantle resources, but it doesn’t change that he caused a LOT of damage to Mantle due to it. Ironwood, despite his expected reaction coming later, still took the Salem news far too well especially considering how on-edge of her he’d been at that point. The citizens of Mantle know about Salem, but not why ironwood was depleting resources. Plus it doesn’t change that he was a borderline tyrant towards them and he didn’t try explaining that part to them. The fact that THAT calmed them down so easily, even with Robyn’s presence, just came off as... too easy.

Which it was. All of this was an elaborate psyche out. We think that things are finally going well... then Chapter 11 happens, and it goes downhill from there. Can’t lie, they got me. Chapter 11 was a HUGE gut-punch for that reason. As such, I decided to put this at Number Two. But it’s only because of the psyche out. It was still done to make the shock effective and while it worked, it doesn’t change that it felt like things got downplayed far more than they should have. Still, it saved this form taking the top slot. So what DID make it? Well...

#1. Willow Guilting Weiss

For a character that only got one major appearance, Willow left one Hell of an impact. All we knew about her prior was an off-handed remark by Whitley in V4 that implied that she was an unhappy drunk. Here? We see exactly what Jaques has done to this poor woman. She’s a drunk, unhappy, and her expression just screams exhaustion and broken. She knows that she did nothing for her children once she broke, something Weiss makes very clear, but she does make some amends by giving Weiss her Scroll and the evidence needed to expose Jaques and Watts, She’s even relieved when We3iss confirms that she’s never returning for good. It’s a very powerful scene that in minutes makes Willow one of the saddest, sympathetic characters in the show.

I do have one huge problem, however. That’s when she leaves. She has one request for Weiss, and that’s for her to not forget about Whitley. While it’s been becoming more and more clear that Whitley is a scared kid who has been just as abused by Jaques as his sisters, he WAS still a cocky jerk to Weiss. He was never nice to her, and when he was it was for his own benefit. He had zero issue rubbing into Weiss her misfortune in V4 after the concert and how he’s the new heir. Of course Weiss wouldn’t like him and be justified in believing that he didn’t like her. When she points that out, this is Willow’s line:

Of course not. You left him here... with us.

Yeah, this really pissed me off and I think is a problem on the writer’s end. They want to have Weiss realize, like the audience is, that Whitley is like he is because unlike her and Winter, he can’t escape, has none of the abilities that they do, and is thus still a prisoner and under his father’s control.. He succumbed to it instead of fight or get away because that was all that he could do, and hating his sisters kept him in his father’s favor. It’s all very understandable and yes, having Weiss realize this and make an effort to try and help Whitley would show how much she’s changed and allow the Schnee Family to all break free form Jaques once and for all.

But the way the line is worded make it feel like Willow, and in turn the narrative, is gui9lting Weiss into not realizing this and not helping Whitley prior. Umm... no. Hell no. Weiss was under zero obligation to help her brother, who at the time portrayed himself as an egotistical snake to her. He rubbed his success in her face. he rubbed getting the title in her face. He was even trying to do so again in the very same chapter Willow was introduced. Weiss HAD to help herself. And unlike her, who as far as we know never hated Winter and the two always treated each other well, as far as we can tell Whitley never had that relationship with them and we don’t know if he ever tried. Jaques made sure that Whitley and his sisters would be divided, and Weiss shouldn’t feel guilty at all for not seeing this.

I get why some may get after Weiss and what Willow was trying to hint to her. We know that Whitley is a victim. We know that because he had no one, he became the way he is. He still has hope, but Weiss is the only one in any position to get him the help that he needs. I expect V8 to go into this, especially since Weis sis why Jaques is now in prison and took away the only figure that Whitley had (a HORIRBLE one, but still the only). However Weiss did what she could in her position, and doesn’t have the advantage of NOT being in the audience to everything. Do I expect her to realize all of this and try to get Whitley to as well? Yes, and it’ll be her character coming full-circle as well. But did she deserve to be guilted? Hell No. Don’t think it was intentional, but it still rubbed me the wrong way and I still don’t like that bit. Thus, it is the moment I dislike most in RWBY Volume 7.

Okay, that’s it for now. Tomorrow, I’ll post my Top 5 Likes. Which trust me, I got plenty of ‘em~! See you all then~!

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Movie Night (ft. Cas's t-shirt)

THANK YOU for the ask, Dear Anon! I'm very flattered that you enjoyed the last one, and hope this meets your expectations! I WISH I could tag you in this, but you're on anon so.. Anyways, I went for Tuesday movie night idea, and clubbed it with a 'cute t-shirt prompt' I received and it got long AF but please leave a comment if you read and like!

*

"Ahh," Dean let out a perfect sound of exhaustion meeting the plush comfort of his couch. "It's finally Tuesday."

Sam snorted from the side, because his relationship with tuesdays had been kind of a love-hate. Not that Dean ever took him seriously - he doesn't blame his brother, really, because he wouldn't believe Dean either if he told him 'a piano crushed you to death' or any of those other ridiculous ways in which he'd died.

"If you like movie nights that much," Jack added, from the side - he was settled in one of the big chairs, looking more like a kid than he usually did. "Why don't we watch movies on other nights, too?"

Sam leaped to answer, ever ready to squeeze in a lesson for the nephilim. Good values needed to be a part of the upbringing. Children need to be taught by example. "There's an analogy we can use for this, Jack. Say, uh, Dean loves his birthday very much." Dean frowned at his brother. "Because of the pie, and the gifts, and all the beer." Dean shrugged. "So, he wishes on his birthday candles that everyday be his birthday!" Sam paused, and Dean wondered why he spoke as if he was talking to a kid, and not the strongest 2-year-old ever. "But, what happens then, is that he keeps growing a year older on each birthday - that is, everyday!"

Jack looked alarmed. "That's - bad."

"Yeah, because then I'd grow to be 60 in like a month and die." Dean added, in a deadpan.

"It won't take you thirty years to get to sixty." Sam reminded him.

"Shut up, Sam." Dean scowled and turned back to Jack. "Listen, kid, this isn't about all the good movies in the world getting finished too soon, if we watch 'em everyday. It's more about the attitude."

Jack nodded.

"Like, uh," Dean swallowed. "Like our dad always taught me and Sammy, hunters need to live a disciplined life. Can't just start watching a movie whenever, because that'll make your head feel like you're giving it permission to do crap, just like that, without a routine. That's never good for a hunter - even less so, he'd say, for the sons of an ex-Marine. Messes your head up, and takes away your ability to fixate on your decisions." Dean paused. "It's not like I've not watched movies on a Saturday because I wanted to, but the old man made sense - it's just, a routine is better to stick to."

"That sounds like a horrible amount of behavioral psychology to associate to an activity as trivial as watching a movie." Came a new voice, as Cas stood in the doorframe, his head just slightly tilted as his eyes looked straight at Dean.

Dean's exhale was caught in his lungs, and he blinked, staring at Cas with a chest full of air, and still feeling like he'd sink instead of buoyant. Cas was no longer in the trenchcoat and pants - he wore grey pyjamas which fit snug over his thighs, and a t-shirt which had to be new, because holy fucking shit.

He'd have noticed the angel walking around their bunker, wearing a black AC/DC shirt like that - simple, to someone else, perhaps - yet the way it fit over his biceps, widened his shoulders a bit more, and gave an elevated look to his chest because of the smooth descent to a toned abdomen - rendered Dean incapable of looking away. Complete with his hair sticking up at odd angles, hints of a stubble and inspecting eyes focussed on Dean, he looked like the stuff of Dean's (guilty, oh so guilty) dreams.

"H-hey, Cas." Dean cleared his throat, shifting on the larger couch to make space for him. He waved his hand dismissively to disregard all that he'd just said. "Forget about that, it was crap - come sit down." He suggested, breathlessly.

"Look who finally joined us," Sam addressed, in a normal voice and not even bothering to look up again - making Dean wonder why he didn't get all caught up in Cas's t-shirt, like Dean just had. He was unfairly attractive - but not just to Dean, right?

"I'm sorry," Cas replied, as he sat down next to Dean. Not a single part of them touched, since they were on opposite edges of a large couch Dean originally got for Sam and him - but there was still a tingling under Dean's skin, which had to be Cas's fault. "I couldn't find any socks." He turned to Dean, suddenly smiled, and tugged his pyjama up a little to show him the socks he wore. A pair of fucking novelty socks, they were - but Dean found himself grinning mindlessly, as Cas crossed his legs under him, and the visual was taken away from him.

"Of course, you couldn't." Sam inputted. "Dean hasn't been doing the laundry lately."

"Why am I the only one supposed to do it?" Dean threw back, and Sam didn't say anything to it.

"Nevermind." Cas declared. "I found socks, unwashed though they may be. Let us start." He referred to the movie.

Jack had fell silent for a moment, and he spoke up again. "Yeah! What are we watching today?"

At the same time that Sam opened his mouth - probably to drag Dean on how they better not watch something they'd just watched - Dean spoke up. "We're watching The Fellowship of The Ring, today."

"We just watched that on literally the third Tuesday of March -" Sam complained.

"Listen." Dean threw back. "Don't shove your crazy awesome memory with movies and dates, in my face - 'cause my brain forgot the movie already."

"Forgot? You probably can quote it line by line, Dean." Sam frowned. "But I guess you're not satisfied until you flawlessly recite it in your sleep, like Lost Boys."

Dean flashed his best shit-eating grin, and if that's what he was gonna do, he wasn't gonna agree with Sam. "Well, it's what we're watching, Sammy. Deal with it."

Sam narrowed his eyes. "What about Jack? Or Cas? Why don't you ask them if they want to watch Lord of the Rings again?"

"I do." Jack announced, brightly. "I like Frodo and Samwise Gamgee." Sam rolled his eyes. "But, I could also watch something else. I trust Sam's recommendations, after Harry Potter." He added, faithfully.

"Careful, buddy, Sammy's raising your son to be a nerd." Dean muttered to Cas, and he nodded, as if it was a line that needed to be answered with a nod.

Sam grinned like it was victory handed to him on a platter. "He said he could watch something else, Dean."

"What about Cas?" Dean turned to him, rotating in his seat. "Whadd'ya wanna watch, buddy?"

Cas pursed his lips, as if in deep thought. The deciding element. The one who'd tip the scales in the favor of one of the Winchesters.

"It's not Sophie's Choice," Sam grumbled sourly, as if he already knew what Cas would choose.

"Let him think!" Dean shushed his brother.

"I have reached a decision." Cas informed everyone, looking solemnly at the TV, instead of their faces. "We shall watch The Fellowship Of The Ring, tonight." He turned to Sam. "And if there's no hunts and we're at the bunker tomorrow too, Sam's choice shall prevail - that is, if Dean agrees to go against John's sayings and watch a movie on a Wednesday."

"That's fair." Jack grinned.

Dean beamed at Cas, with his little smile and his goddamn t-shirt, which was gonna drive Dean crazy in due time, he was sure. "See, Sam?" He ignored the comment on his father, because it was rare stilted humor, and in a perfect deadpan.

Sam muttered something under his breath which sounded a little bit like 'profound bond' for some reason, and rolled his eyes in defeated agreement, as Dean began to look for the movie.

"Whatever," Sam substituted, not looking up from his phone as the opening credits began to play. "The three of you can rewatch the entire LOTR series if you want, I'll just leave you to it." He shrugged.

"Hey!" Dean was annoyed. This was family movie night. Sam was supposed to be a part of it too. "Lord of the Rings is right up your alley, nerd. Why're you bitch-facing so hard tonight?"

"Well," Sam chewed on his lip. "It's very long, and I wanted to get to bed for an early night."

Dean narrowed his eyes, and hit pause on the remote just as the elves began to narrate. "Why?"

"No reason." Sam stalled. There was an almost familiar edge to his voice and -

Suddenly, it all made sense to Dean. The dots connected in his head, and Sam's reluctance to watch a three hours long movie was suddenly reasoned.

"Why, Sam?" Cas repeated, intrigued. "Are you alright? Do you not feel well?"

"He feels fine. I know," Dean cut in. "He's got a date." Sam's eyes widened before he vigorously shook his head in denial. "Some virtual crap, I bet, because you don't like to get laid, and an actual date may've involved that - but whatever is your idea of a fun time, hey, I'm not judging."

"It's not a date!" He declared.

"Then it's something like it." Dean shrugged, getting surer, with Sam's panicked expression. He knew his brother well enough to read through this cover. "Tell me Sammy, is this a video call with some chick you met online on those awful sites?"

"Dude, no." Sam balked. "I'm on no such awful site to meet chicks."

"Sure, you're not." Dean narrowed his eyes. "Then, who? Because clearly I'm right about the rest of it."

"It's," Sam looked like he didn't wanna continue, would like nothing better than to not finish the sentence. But with Cas joining in on the stare, he let out a subdued, "Uh, Rowena."

There was a stillness in the room. Dean and Cas slowly exchanged a look, and Sam flushed. "Who?"

"We know her, Dean!" Jack corrected, promptly.

"Not like Sam does," Dean shot at his brother, who looked flustered as crap, and it was all Dean had ever wanted from this conversation.

"Dean!" Sam looked grossed out, while it should've been them. He was the one dating a three hundred years old witch. "We're gonna discuss -"

"- if you're about to tell me you'll discuss a case, I swear to call you on your bullshit by calling Rowena right away." Dean challenged, definitely.

"I -" Sam pursed his lips. "I don't need to have this conversation with you, jerk."

"What about the rest of us?" Cas asked, and there was a smirk playing on his lips, which made him all the more attractive.

"None of you." Sam declared, standing up, looking offended. "You are literally infants! Don't breathe a word of this to anyone, Dean, or I'll - whatever, just watch your frigging movie, I'm out of here."

"If you're gonna do stuff, use headphones!" Dean waited until Sam was far enough to not hit Dean for it and yelled after him, as the latter marched out of the room, embarrassed. It was his duty as the older brother to make that happen, so no issues there. He turned back to Cas, grinning at him - and Jack, of course.

"The rest of us are here without the intention of leaving halfway to call a chick, right?" Dean asked, though it was a pretty stupid question for Jack - and if the answer were yes for Cas, he'd have a major-ass freak out right there.

"Right." Cas confirmed, for some reason; his voice rich and gravelly, and Dean's attention was once again taken by Cas's t-shirt - now that his kid brother was sufficiently out of the picture. True, Jack was still there, but that's a different issue. Dean had to hold a reputation in front of Sam, that he could control his senses in the presence of Cas, and that he could rein it in, and that he could do a lot of things which he was very far from, in reality.

"Me too." Jack announced, brightly, and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Jack, you're two." Cas informed him, and Dean had to stifle a snort at the very notion. Nevertheless, he toned down the weird, made himself comfortable in the couch - maybe shifting a little towards the middle, and let out a small, content sigh, for the second time this evening.

He hit play.

*

“Why do we keep making the same mistake?” Dean groaned, his head falling back on the sofa. Once again, like every tuesday ever - they’d forgotten to get food before they sat to watch the movie. Now, around half an hour in, it was all Dean could think about. But getting up seemed like an awful chore.

Cas nodded his head in agreement, grave and earnest. “It’s because we don’t learn our lesson.”

“Dean, do you want to learn said lesson tonight, by not eating?” Jack asked.

“No.” Dean glared at him. “I may be around Mr. No-Food, and Little-to-no-food, but it isn’t wearing off on me.” They’d not paused the movie to have this discussion, so he kept his eyes on the screen as he spoke. “As a human, I have a few simple needs. Such as beer and something like popcorn to chew as I watch a classic with my - I mean, with you guys.”

“Okay." Cas shuffled in his seat, beginning to stand up. Dean frowned instantly, and pulled him down, gripping his wrist. Cas easily succumbed, and was back on the couch with a surprised little bounce - looking at Dean, confused. "What? I'll get you the beer and popcorn, so that you don't have to get up. I can obviously see you don't want to."

Aww, Dean's brain melted.

"Nope." He said, out loud, popping the 'p'. "You don't need to do that. I'll go."

"I volunteer, Dean. It's not about need," Cas protested. "And you enjoy this movie more than I do."

"Sure, but I've watched it a helluva lot more too." Dean raised his eyebrows, and Cas smiled a little, one of those smiles that he reserved for Dean, and made his insides flutter.

"We could just pause it." Jack suggested, not looking away from the TV yet, for the entirety of the conversation.

"No, you keep watching, there's no need," Dean excused, standing up himself, smiling in spite of himself. Cas looked at him, and not at the screen.

"Dean," And that wonderful voice of his swept over Dean's brain and made the puddle vaporize or some shit.

"Yeah, Cas?"

"I could keep telling you what's happening, while you're in the kitchen." Cas proposed, breaking into a wider smile, all crinkly and toothy.

"Aww, Cas," Dean couldn't stop himself in time, staring blindly at Cas's face and short-circuiting in his head. And instantly cleared his throat, and added in a more composed tone. "Okay, you do that. Thanks, I guess."

Dean wondered, as he walked into the kitchen and went looking for the bacon he'd made earlier, what was up with him tonight. He was usually able to hold his tongue in front of Cas - he was usually able to look away from him, even though it took some persuasion. But there was something today, that had taken away his brain-to-mouth-and-eyes filter.

Must be the new shirt.

Dean knocked, obnoxiously loud, at Sam's door before barging in with a plate of bacon and a beer. He saw Sam fast asleep, on his front, and did not know where to go with that, so he left the table at his bedside in case he was going to wake up and resume his midnight call or something.

Then he took the rest of the food and two beers and went back to the movie room.

All through his venture, Cas had kept yelling updates through the door. "Merry and Pippin just hugged Frodo!", "And now, Frodo just met Bilbo again!", "Arwen is speaking with Frodo now!" This had made Dean grin so hard, that he almost dropped the dishes. Damn, Cas was awesome.

As Dean handed him a beer, and put the plate of bacon between them on the couch, Cas whispered to him. "And Arwen just kissed Aragorn, son of Arathorn."

And Dean stared at Cas, his blue, blue eyes and his eyebrows pinched together in concentration, and his crinkled nose - and his goddamn voice, and his way of speaking, and how he just said the words 'Aragorn, son of Arathorn' like an entire fucking dork, and how adorable it was that he'd been doing a live-commentary for Dean, and just - he was almost overpowered by a desire to kiss the perfect little smile tugging at his lips, and palm the stubble-covered cheeks, and maybe, if Jack weren't here, pull that gorgeous fucking t-shirt over his head, because it was distracting.

Dean was instantly taken aback by his own stream of thoughts. He was clearly going crazy.

He could bet it was the fault of the shirt.

*

Okay, but at this moment, Dean needs the remote.

And it's not just because the remote is on the other side, next to Cas, and Dean's brain instantly launches into a scene in his head, when Dean asks for the remote and Cas is too comfortable (he's already holding onto a large cushion like it's a blanket) to move, and he tells Dean to take it himself - and then Dean will have to lean over Cas to get it, and there'll be a moment where he's almost on top of him, and they'll happen to look at each other, and Cas's eyes will flit down to Dean's lips as Dean adjusts himself to reach the remote, on Cas's lap, and maybe Cas says something like -

That's enough.

Dean doesn't need the remote so that something like that plays out in reality. He only needs the remote to lower the volume, because Jack is asleep and he'll wake up otherwise in the war scene and noise that'll follow.

But this way or that, he can see the said scene happening.

Maybe there's a part of him which wants it to happen exactly how it happened in his head.

Maybe it will.

So, with more energy than the sentence needed, he says, "Cas! I need the remote!"

And Cas turns his head to look at Dean, an incomprehensible expression.

But instead of saying a variation of, 'take it yourself' like he was really, really supposed to -

He picks up the remote with his left hand and hands it to Dean simply.

Dean stares at it for a moment, everything forgotten, especially the reason why he needed the remote in the first place. And then he kicks himself for being a goddamn teenage girl about this, and plays off the disappointment with a 'thank you' in the manliest voice he can conjure, and he's pretty sure it makes up for the kind-of-but-not-really pornography he'd been dreaming up. Sam's irritating voice nags in his head, you're confusing reality with porn again.

Of course, Dean is too lost thinking and staring at Cas sideways when he's sure Cas can't see him - to remember to lower the volume, and Jack wakes up with a jolt at the Uruk-Hai screeching at Gimli the dwarf.

*

Jack's going off to his room. The movie isn't finished yet, but he's been dosing off throughout and Dean can't tolerate the insult to the Classic, so he tells him to just go off to sleep. It's been a long day.

"Will you both watch it whole?" Jack asks groggily, before leaving and Dean looks enquiringly at Cas. He only has to turn his head a little, because Cas is much closer to him now. They've both gravitated towards the middle.

"Of course." Cas answers. "Unless Dean needs to sleep." Dean shakes his head confidently, and Jack nods.

"Okay, goodnight dads." He mutters, at least it sounds like it, and Dean would've lost it if Cas's slight weight leaning on his arm weren't grounding him to his current location instead of somewhere panicky in his head.

"Goodnight, Jack." Dean lets out, and he's aware it doesn't sound as constipated as he thought it would, and he's proud of it.

"Dean." Cas speaks up, a moment later. "I think we should turn off the lights."

"What?" Dean blinks, mildly.

"I know neither of us will want to get up later." Cas justifies. "So we might as well do it now."

"Can't you," Dean grumbles. "Can't you use your mojo to push the switch, or..?"

Cas sighs. Then blinks, and the entire room goes dark. Cas's eyes open, and they're gleaming like blue halos of light in the suddenly dark room - and Dean can still make out his face, in the light of it. It's all hard lines and small smiles, from the little he sees. "I need to remember I can do these things, don't I?" He mumbles.

"Yeah, our human incapabilities are wearing off on ya." Dean tells him and they start looking at the screen again.

"You're not incapable if you have to stand up to turn off the lights." Cas replies, and Dean just hums in response.

A little later, Cas speaks again, and he sounds happier almost. "Dean."

"Uh-huh?" Dean looks away from Gandalf on the screen, to look at the angel.

"Did you notice Jack kept falling asleep?"

Dean pauses. "Oh." He smiles too, it coming over him all of a sudden. "Yeah."

"That means," Cas's tone is bright, and Dean can hear his smile. "He's enough human to fall asleep in the middle of a movie, again."

"Human incapabilities strike again," Dean teases, and Cas chuckles audibly and it's a really, really good moment. Although yeah, it's a bit too domestic for Dean to be perfectly at calm - Cas and he are sitting in the dark, watching a movie they've watched so many times before, discussing the progress of the nephilim they've been raising (with Sam, of course) and Dean has his hand around Cas's seat - in what he now feels guilty on realizing is the oldest trick in every guy's playbook. They're both more in the middle of the couch than not, and the beers have been drained to the last drop. One of them doesn't sleep, the other won't - and then there's Cas's perfect t-shirt, which shall drive Dean to madness each time he sees it, and beyond.

*

Slowly, the arm which is on the couch, falls on Cas's shoulder - and it's a rather rapid course from there to it being slung around Cas, with Cas tucked under it and leaning into Dean so that it's comfortable.

It's not that Cas's head is on Dean's chest, or not even that his fingers are playing with the fabric of Cas's shirt - its just that they're so close to doing that, and somehow Dean can't pull back this time.

Like, he suddenly realizes, he's been doing forever.

It's again, a good thing that he pretty much knows LOTR scene by scene, and in spite of almost completely being distracted by everything Cas, he answers all trivial questions Cas mumbles at him in that deep, deep baritone - and there's a heat pooling in Dean's insides, and he can't quite place if its the spot behind his ribs, or further south.

Both sounds most appropriate.

*

Dean is not proud of this, but he fell asleep.

It's not that he didn't finish the movie, because he did - he remembers the last scene (or it could be from a previous watching that he recalls it) but it's just that he fell asleep right there. Next to Cas.

No, not even next to him. Pretty much wrapped around him. And somehow that's - not so wild, after all. It kinda feels awesome. Its not even morning yet, so he has more hours.

He wakes up with his hair tickling his breath and coughs mildly when he realizes that he'd buried his nose in Cas's hair - and his lips on his head, apparently. He straightens, but is sure to not make much movement - because Cas doesn't sleep like they do, he rather drifts off to a sorta-catatonic state but stays very much awake and alert. He doesn't want to wake Cas up, because the angel looks so comfortable, nestled on Dean's chest - that it somehow invokes a feeling of pride in him.

And love.

And that's that. The not-freaking-out segment of this story abruptly comes to an end, and Dean clenches his fist to stop himself from beginning to tremble.

He ends up with a fistful of that goddamn shirt which Dean blames for everything in that night, and Cas stirring awake, and straightening. The weight rested on Dean's abdomen is lost, and it feels weird and colder.

"It's seven minutes to four. Ante Meridiem." Cas announces, in a voice which is roughened by lack of use.

"You should go back to sleep." Dean begs, because Cas doesn't need to see Dean get anxious about the whole pile of feelings he's beginning to feel crushed under.

"Dean." Cas says, in that voice, and straightens some more. He's at Dean's height again, and their noses are inches apart, and Cas looks worried about him. "Dean?" He repeats, and he's concerned, and he's perfect, and his voice is something else, and the way he looks at him is something else like Dean is worthy of all his attention somehow - and the emotions are brimming and he doesn't know what to do with them until he -

He jerks himself ahead, and grabs Cas's shirt for good measures, pressing his lips against Cas's.

It's a moment of bravery, it's a moment of impulse, and it's a moment of utter stupidity because Cas doesn't react -

Until he does, and he kisses back, and he's excited and into it and Dean's taken aback by his vigor and in awe of his own hands which are grappling at Cas's t-shirt for friction as he moans into Cas's mouth.

"I blame the t-shirt," He whines, when they pull away, to look at each other better. And he does.

Of course, he's not an idiot (except for the many times that he is). But what he definitely isn't, is dense enough to not realize that this had been over ten years in the making.

These urges were familiar, and suppressed each time - the sudden feelings were overpowering, except he'd learn to deal with them tactfully, by crushing them with every means possible.

But what had changed today and he'd actually acted on it instead of swallowing it, had to be the tee. It fit like magic, and it perfectly showcased his lean, muscled chest - and gave a peak of his collarbones, and if he stretched, his obliques - and it was as black as his hair in the dark, and ah, it had to be the shirt.

Because otherwise, he didn't know what it could be, that had made tonight - today - this.

Cas still had his hand on Dean's bicep. "This one?" He looks down at himself. "I got it from your closet months ago."

"What -"

"And, you blame it?" He repeats.

"No," Dean shakes his head, anxiously, truthfully as he captures his lips in a kiss again. Slotting in place against each other, and as loving as they were passionate - he had had no idea that kissing Cas would be this amazing. "I love it. I'm gonna need you to keep wearing it. On Thanksgiving, I'm gonna be thankful for it."

Cas laughs against Dean's lips, and says something which is lost in the bliss of the moment.

Nevermind. He has all the moments after this, to listen to him. But he only has this one, at the end of a Tuesday movie night, to enjoy their first kiss (he's pretty sure all the short, little kisses just make up one major kiss). So he does.

*

Edit: Thank you for reading! Would like to tag @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @all-or-nothing-baby @styggtroll @notyoursweetbaboo @moderatelypanickedbisexual @but-for-the-gods-three-days and @emmii4 ! If you don't wanna be tagged, I'll remove you from the list, just ask! Have an awesome day!

[shirtlesssammy]

7x13: The Slice Girls

Welcome to our last episode before hiatus is over. We’re knocking out another Buckleming episode. Natasha has some strong words at the end. Buckleming are the worst.

Then:

Oh, yeah, Bobby died, and I never watched that episode again

Now:

A white man™ sits quietly at his computer at home one night. He hears a noise and suddenly he’s getting sliced and diced in good old cold open fashion.

Sam and Dean are on the road. Sam’s driving so Dean can indulge in his “coping through season 7 juice”. He saved Bobby’s flask and we all know ghosts can’t inhabit personal items, *cough* *cough*. Anyway, Dean’s drinking his way through his grief and Sam’s working cases his way through his grief. 

They head to the coroner that holds the cold open victim. AND, I’m sorry, but is Dean flirting with the coroner? I rarely rewatch Buckleming so when I find these forgotten moments in the wild I’m taken aback. I thought I knew the full extent of Dean’s little world, but wow, apparently not.

They learn that all the victims are male and there’s weird ritualistic mutilation with the bodies after they are dead. And any DNA from potential suspects doesn’t match anything human. 

After the morgue, Sam wants to do more research, and Dean needs to blow off some steam. He decides to go undercover. 

Later at a bar (It’s a fancy bar and Dean’s wearing his suit, so not like Dean), he chitchats with a woman (he’s an investment banker who speaks minimal Japanese) and she’s into it so she invites him back to her place.

While Dean works through his coroner frustration, the show intercuts it with another man’s murder. Bravo on the editing. 

The next morning, the brothers head to the latest crime scene. Dean asks Sam if he made any headway on the symbol. “We’re gonna need an expert.” “Expert? Our expert’s dead.” OMG. OUCH. 

At the crime scene, a friend of the victim’s stops by and Sam asks him some questions. It turns out the victim cheated on his wife a couple nights prior. The neighbor insists the wife wouldn’t have harmed her husband though. Also, whoever has been killing these men were big and strong.

It’s at this moment that Dean realizes that he forgot his flask at Lydia’s (his workout buddy from the prior night). He calls her but she hasn’t seen the flask and she hangs up. 

She’s pretty busy at the moment --being really pregnant! 

Cut to later at a very dangerous birthing session (way too many candles), Lydia is told that the “pain is an honor” and I’m not a mother but that is SOME bullshit there. Anyway, she has a healthy 3-4 month old baby she’s told to name Emma. 

Sam and Dean head to interview the mayor of Sunnydale a professor with some knowledge on the sigil carved on the men. He wants money before he’ll talk. They pull the FBI card and tell him that they’ll put in a good word with the IRS and they want answers by tomorrow. 

Dean is missing Bobby after that little exchange so he decides to head to Lydia’s to get his flask.

Lydia’s surprised to see him. Dean really needs that flask. She goes to get it and he follows her inside. He finds a baby (at least 12 months old?) and Lydia admits that it’s hers. Dean Bean goes into the room to see the baby closer (brb, off to read a few hundred domestic Destiel AUs to fill this giant hole my heart.) 

Dean’s phone rings and it’s Sam. While he’s on the phone with him, Dean hears the baby and Lydia talk. Uh…

Sam heads to inspect the latest vic alone. He finds out a lot of the victims visited the same bar Dean was at a couple nights ago. 

Dean’s staking out Lydia’s place, and watches as the women present at Emma’s birth arrive. 

Sam calls and gives him grief for obsessing over the woman. Dean thinks there’s something strange going on and he’ll tell Sam when he figures it out. Sam tells him about the bar but Dean hangs up on him as Lydia’s door opens again. The women all emerge with what appears to be a 8 year old girl. Dean can’t believe what he’s seeing. “I hate when this happens.” Yes, fathering a monster baby is a bitch, Dean. He follows the women into a back alley warehouse. 

Dean prowls down an alley, following the car full of women. (Hey, that sentence came out really creepy.) The women disappear into an unmarked building.

Later, Dean briefs Sam on the situation. There was nothing that screamed “baby” to him when he was at Lydia’s earlier. Now, Emma’s an elementary-school-aged kid, to all appearances. He’s suspicious.

Sam thoroughly mocks Dean for feeling like something’s off with Lydia and Emma. The professor calls, interrupting their conversation. He’s got info!

At their mysterious destination, five young (but slightly older) girls are offered pieces of raw (presumably) human meat and big ol’ glasses of milk. Yum! They’re instructed to complete their “blood missions.” Emma is hesitant to eat the meat. (And who can blame her? Blech.)

At the university, the “I’m super busy don’t talk to me” professor has managed to create a whole slideshow for the boys, who settle into one of the middle rows to watch.

The symbol is Greek. It’s a combination that symbolizes Harmonia and Eres, a goddess and god who begat the Amazons. The professor disparages the cartoon version of Amazons: Wonder Woman (them’s fightin’ words!). He describes Amazons as having little use for men. They procreate, then kill the male, cutting off several body parts.

Elsewhere, the head detective holds a hissing phone call with the head Amazon. It turns out that they’re buddies. They know that Dean and Sam are giant fakers and more than that, they suspect they’re hunters. 

Back at their current hotel HQ, Dean digs through Bobby’s dusty old books and drinks from his flask. Sam info-dumps more lore. The Amazons were nearly decimated and bargained for Harmonia’s gift to grow their ranks. She made it so they mate, give birth in a few days, and then the child is mature in just a handful more. Dean realizes that he’s now a father, just as Sam grasps that as well. Use birth control, kids!

Back with the Amazons in training, they’re lectured about joining the ranks of the other women and branded with the symbol on their wrist. 

Sam summarizes all their victims as rich, successful businessmen - perfect for the Amazons’ gene pool. (REALLY is that the mark of “good” DNA? Really??? Fuck that. There’s so much wrong here I could write a whole damn book on it.) Sam wants to know why Dean got picked. Dean confesses that he pretended to be an investment banker. While Sam judges Dean heavily, papers move mysteriously in the room, exposing a single sheet. Sam pulls out the EMF and it wails at him. Skeptic Sammy points out power lines and a breezy window. Dean thinks it’s Bobby’s ghost. 

Sam picks up the exposed paper, written in Greek, and brings it to the professor to read. Meanwhile, Dean stays where he is, holed up in their room when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Emma! She tells him that she needs his help and that she knows she can trust him because he’s her father. 

Dean’s on guard, but Emma says that she was trapped with the rest of the Amazons and ordered to do terrible things. There are tears in her eyes as she describes getting branded. Dean quietly lets her in.

Emma asks for Dean’s help to leave town. “I know you don’t want me,” she tells him. (I throw a rotten banana at the screen. How DARE this show.) She begs for his help in finding normalcy. 

The professor - who is doing some really LATE office hours - excitedly tells Sam that the Amazon child is meant to kill the father, not the mothers.

As Sam leaves the university, the detective from earlier stops him with a single, very strong hand. He notices her Amazon brand and she calls him by name - she knows she’s a hunter. She hurls Sam down the stairs and pulls out a sword, but Sam whips out his gun and shoots her in the chest before she can kill him. So apparently a bullet works just fine.

Emma continues to make a case for freedom. When she says she’s hungry, Dean heads over to check out the fridge.

Emma pulls out her Amazon blade while Dean’s back is turned and Dean whirls around and confronts her with a gun. Emma argues that it’s her place to kill him. Furthermore, she calls Dean on his hesitation - he won’t kill her. ���You haven’t killed anybody yet, Emma. Walk away,” Dean pleads. 

Emma says she doesn’t have a choice just before Sam breaks in and points a gun at Emma. She flashes him a shine of smug monster-face before pleading with Dean, one more time, to help her. Sam shoots her and kills her while Dean looks on in horror. 

A little while later, Dean and Sam sneak into the old building Dean tracked the Amazons to. It’s abandoned. 

They drive away to the next case. Dean acts optimistic: they’ll find those sneaky Amazons and kill ‘em dead next time. Instead of rallying, Sam goes off on Dean, shouting at him about his hesitation in killing Emma. “She was not yours. Not really.” 

Dean smiles mirthlessly. She was his child, even if she wasn’t his daughter. 

Sam (in a thoroughly OOC way, in my opinion) blows right past this enormous minefield of emotion to tell Dean that he’s off his game. First losing Cas, then Bobby have sent Dean into a tailspin. Sam caps off his inspiring speech with “Don’t get killed.” Thanks, Sam. Good talk.

Natasha: Hi, hello, I HATE this episode. Dean’s lost Cas and Bobby and then this show has the GALL to lob a child at Dean and then CHIDE HIM for not wanting to kill her. Meanwhile, Sam belittles Dean’s hesitation and parallels it to the necessity of his friend Amy’s death. Do you know how dirty and awful I feel every time I think about Amy’s death? DO YOU? And she’d actually killed multiple people by then. We never talk about that one time Dean accidentally fathered a child and Sam killed her mid-conversation, and I can only assume this remains a deep and terrible scar on their souls. I’d forgotten the “breeding” detail but that paired with casting choices make this episode a big pile of YUCK for me.

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Quotazons:

“Didn’t match anything human” usually seals the deal for me

Nice decor. Very early slaughterhouse

It's a flask, not the holy grail

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