#i was stuck bc i started to doubt myself

[moe-broey]

Now see him (closer to) Canon style.

With some. Fucking Shapes....

He really is. So. So designed. And I fucking hate. HATE. How it All Fucking Works, Actually. But at what cost.... (my sanity.)

Things I go back and forth on:

Drawing the individual scales on his chainmail. It DOES look better if you go out of your way to do that. But for me it really just depends on the vibe of the piece (like this more serious endeavor I'm gonna draw each, but for quick sketches/shitposts I just do the wave. Equivalent of drawing a seagull like -> m )

Things I modify: Almost fucking everything. Next

Things I never include (and why):

> Hhow... Hhhow do you have That Many Belts.... SIR......... (don't even get me started on how that strap across his chest doesn't even wrap fully around like a shoulder bag DO NOT GET ME FUCKING STARTED.....)

> The gorget. The neck guard thing. It just makes posing a pain in the ass. You wouldn't think so, maybe. But for me the collar bone is huge in trying to get a sense for where everything should be! From posing to perspective even!!!

> The thigh armor. We've been over this. This is the entire reason we're here. I need to kill him.

> You CANNOT make me draw his fucking crown WITH his stupid fucking hair AND the very specific wavy way I draw it YOU CAN'T MAKE ME. YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. Everyone else who does this and have found ways around it/to implement it into their work ARE FAR STRONGER THAN ME. I'LL THROW UP. AND CRY‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Things I fuck up and forget on a regular basis: A lot.

[blueish-bird]

becoming a more frequent occurrence to see a post about living with OCD, relating, then pushing it out of my mind because if I think too much about whether or not I have OCD I might begin to ruminate on it and stress myself out ... (obsess, one might say) ... but i digress

[raidante]

I’m embarrassed by how invested I am in my own work… bruh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[orcelito]

ok currently inspecting July Events to figure out wtf happened to Vash's coat

so we see him at the start of July in this:

which upon inspection IS different from his coat at the start of the series:

which makes this shot immediately post-july make some sense:

he's got the same belts pants, so clearly not ALL of his outfit got blown off, but it seems like his prior coat didn't survive the explosion. so at some point, he'd have to contact the floating ship again to get another coat made (these ppl really are working overtime keeping up with his coat and prosthetic demolishing lmaooo) WHICH on the topic of his prosthetic, it seems like it DID survive the July explosion, which is interesting!

smth im wondering about. In dialog, we hear from Brad that he met Vash when he was 4 years old, but hasn't seen him in the 13 years since (this being after the 2 years post-jeneora). at that time, it's 8 years post-july (since july happens 6 years before the start of the series, and then add the 2 years time skip post-jeneora), which sets the events of July THEORETICALLY to happen 5 years after his last visit to the flying ship.

so, how did he get his new coat if he hasn't been back to the flying ship in 13 years? Well, i assume he has some way to contact them from afar, considering he manages to get Sensei to bring him a new coat post-jeneora in some random town (& Sensei now brings Brad, who is 17, but would've only been 9 the last time).

this brings the question: how does he contact them? some kind of communication device? i remember his earring's a radio, but i dont remember him having any specific way to contact them directly. so maybe it's just not shown? i cant imagine he'd be able to send letters, all things considered, so it's probably some kind of radio transmission. the technology Does exist, & they almost definitely would pin a special radio on this disaster-prone asshole so he could still keep contact during the long years he's away from home.

the more you know 🤔

[yukinyaminyato]

feeling v anxious abt everything lately :):)

[justkindalivin]

Shotgun

a/n: AHHHHH hello!! I’m Lottie and I've been so horrifically obsessed with dealer Ellie that it's not even remotely okay. I had an idea for a fic and instead of requesting it from someone else, I decided why not write it myself! I’ve never posted any fics before bc I’m lowkey ass at writing so if any dialogue is awkward or the grammar is bad I'm so sorry :(  Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy it, have a great day I love you ♡    part 2

I kinda modeled the reader after me subconsciously, so the reader is a bit shy and bi (sorry to my lesbian baddies I luv yall, its only one line). Also, I just made up a random roommate named Sam, very sorry if your name happens to be Sam. 

Summary: After being dragged to a party by your roommate, you escape out to the porch for some air. Not realizing it was already occupied, you end up having a lot more fun at the party than you thought you would 

warnings: language, modern!au, dealer!ellie, weed, shotgunning, collage!au, things get the tiniest bit spicy (only a tad)

wc: 1.6k 

-------------------

The music pounded in your ears as you pushed past all the sweaty bodies in the middle of the room. Parties had never quite been your scene, but Sam had begged you to come with her and that girl does NOT take no for an answer

This all started with Sam bursting into your shared dorm, ripping your headphones out of your ears, and standing beside your desk with her hands on her hips. “Bitch, you never come out with me! It's like all you do is sit in the dorm all day, you gotta get out there!!” She excitedly screamed, pulling you to your closet to pick out what you should wear. 

You and Sam had been randomly paired as roommates but quickly got close despite how different the two of you seemed to be. Sam was always out at parties being social and seemed to know absolutely everyone on campus. You on the other hand... well were almost the exact opposite. You always joked that you were like the crotchety old man of your floor who only left for food or class, and just wants all those damn kids to quiet down while you’re trying to sleep. 

“Sigma Nu is throwing tonight, you HAVE to come with me. I’ll be lost without you please please please!” 

Sam was, in fact, not lost without you. She had practically ditched you the minute some frat boy asked her to play pong with him, leaving you alone and painfully sober in a sea of drunk college kids. As much as you loved Sam, she always seemed to do this whenever you come out with her. She’d beg that it wouldn't be fun without you but would leave as soon as you got there and you’d be stuck on babysitting detail for her drunk ass for the rest of the night. After about the fifth push and second drunk couple not noticing you leaned up against the wall and making out basically on top of you, you decided to leave in search of some desperately needed air. Weaving through sweaty drunk people should be a fucking Olympic sport because holy shit- you barely escaped with your life. After going through the kitchen, you finally found your way to a sliding door, quickly getting it open and stepping out into the cool night air. 

“Jesus christ why did I fucking come here,” you say under your breath, leaning against the porch railing and putting your head in your hands “And I can't even leave because I have to make sure Sam’s okay- god damn it”. Scrubbing your face with your hands, you look up at the sky and get lost in your own head until the sound of someone clearing their throat startles you. 

You quickly whip around, hand on your chest, to look at the other person who has also been occupying the porch without your noticing. A girl with short auburn hair and beautiful green eyes stands leaning up against the house. Her face is dotted with freckles and she’s wearing a comfy-looking flannel over a plain white tee, one hand shoved into the pocket of her jeans and the other holding a joint between two fingers. She is, without a doubt, one of the prettiest girls you’ve ever seen. You’re so entranced by her that you barely even notice when she says something to you. 

“oh...uhm- what?” you oh so eloquently reply, internally debating if you should throw yourself off the porch to make your escape from this awkward ass interaction. The girl smirks as her eyes scan you up and down- if you didn’t know any better you would think she was checking you out. 

“I said are you good? No offense but you kinda seem like you're freaking the fuck out” She repeats, smirk still present on her face as she brings the joint up to take a drag from it, blowing the smoke in your direction.

You blush, embarrassed that someone had been witness to your mini breakdown. “Yeah, I’m good. It's just a lot, you know? I don’t go to parties too often.” As soon as the words leave your mouth you cringe internally. Don’t go to parties a lot? You seriously couldn't think of anything cooler to say? Way to embarrass yourself in front of the hottest chick you’ve ever met. Your downward spiral continues until the girl breaks the quiet with a chuckle

“I get that, frats aren’t really my thing either but I get good business here so... here I am”. You nod your head, looking back up at the sky. “I’m Ellie, by the way. What's your name gorgeous?”. Your face feels like it's on fire, your brain practically short-circuiting trying to process that this actual goddess just called you gorgeous. You quietly tell her your name and when you look back at her, she has a wide smile stretching across her face. “Pretty name for a pretty girl.” 

Holy shit this girl is going to be the death of you. You’re sure that your face is going to melt off from how hard you’ve been blushing, the ability to speak has left you altogether. You’ve had flings in the past, with both boys and girls, but no one has ever been so brazenly interested in you. You find yourself desperate to know more about her, maybe run your hands through her hair and cup her face as you lean in for a- WOAH. You’re goin wild right now, you need to cool down

“So um... what do you sell?” You ask, trying to change the topic and give yourself some time to chill out. Ellie looks at the joint in her hands, then back at you with raised eyebrows. “Right right, sorry stupid question” you huff while looking down, embarrassed yet again by your lack of rizz. Ellie lets out a full-on laugh, pushing herself off the house and making her way over to you.

“You ever smoked before, pretty girl?” she asks while leaning on the railing next to you, so close you can feel the heat radiating off of her. Looking up, you’re surprised to see that her face is so close to yours that your noses are practically touching. 

“A few times, not a ton. I cough a lot though, so it's kinda embarrassing to do it with other people”. Ellie taps off the ash at the end of her joint, seemingly contemplating something before turning her attention back to you

“Well if you’re down to smoke, we can try a different way that maybe will help you cough less. That is, only if you want to”. You’re surprised by how quickly you accept her offer, asking her what she had in mind. Ellie moves from beside you to directly in front of you, planting her empty hand on your waist and bringing the joint she held in her other hand up to your face. “Okay, so it's called shotgunning. Just open your mouth after I take a hit, sound good?”. All you can do is nod, mesmerized as she brings the joint to her lips. The moon reflects off her soft skin, the end of the joint burning a deep orange as she inhales. After her hit, Ellie looks over at you and you do as she said. 

Flicking away what little is left from her blunt, Ellie cups your face with her now empty hand and brings her mouth to yours. As she’s kissing you she blows the smoke into your mouth, but you can barely concentrate, too focused on the feeling of her lips on yours. After only a few seconds, Ellie pulls away but keeps her forehead pressed to yours and you blow the smoke in her face as you both giggle.

You reach up and brush away a bit of hair that had fallen to cover Ellie’s eyes, running your fingers down the side of her face until you are cupping her cheek as well. You look at each other for a beat before you both lean in, lips meeting again. Ellie caresses your cheek before her hand moves to join her other one on your waist, finding their way under your shirt and stroking the skin there. She tries to deepen the kiss, licking your bottom lip which you playfully deny. Suddenly, Ellie pulls away for a moment to lift you up onto the porch railing. Your legs fall open and Ellie steps between them, connecting her lips to your neck and kissing down the side to your collarbone. Letting out a breathy moan, you grip the hair at the base of Ellie's neck and throw your head back. 

-SCHWOOP-

The noise startles you and you pull away from Ellie, much to her annoyance. Looking at the sliding glass door, you notice some obnoxious frat boy has thrown it open. 

“Hey, you deal right? I need a pre-roll if you have em”. Talk about a fucking cock block. Ellie all but growls into your neck, whipping around ready to give this dude the verbal thrashing of his life when you stop her by placing your hand on her shoulder. 

“It's okay, I need to find my roommate and get going anyway. But um... do you have your phone on you? Maybe I can give you my number and we can do this again sometime?”. Ellie smiles at that, pulling her phone out of her back pocket and handing it to you. Feeling bold, you give her one last kiss on the cheek before heading past the frat guy and back into the house.

You really hope she texts you. 

----------

an: tf kinda noise does a sliding door make? Def not schwoop but thats all my brain could come up with lmao. so thats my first ever fic, my writing could use some work so i’m def open to any feedback! Stay super freaky, have great vagina, I LOVE YAAAA 

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hi!! Sorry to bother you but i just want to feel like im not sick and wanted to share my thoughts with someone that wont judge me

But i feel really bad, i really feel like there’s something wrong with me i don’t like sex and every time i had sex before has been bc i was supposed to do it, i forced my self to lose my virginity bc i felt like it was about time and i was too old for keep being a virgin. Also i thought “well, maybe if i do it i’ll start liking it like everybody says” but i didn’t, i didn’t like it but i thought again “oh well, it’s the first time (im a ciswoman)they say it always hurts the first time, maybe the more i do it i’ll start liking eventually” but again, i didn’t, i had sex with different people that i felt attracted to and it ALWAYS HURTED, also every time i had to be with at least a little alcohol in my system, so actually i have never had sex being 100% sober.

Now i’m in a relationship but I don’t even like kisses and it sucks bc i really love my boyfriend, he knows about this but i kinda feel like even if he is very supportive about it and says he still wants to be with me, I think there’s this little part of him that wishes that one day i’ll change and we can have sex.

I feel bad bc is it ok to call him my boyfriend and not just a close friend? Im i even allowed to love? Do i have to force my self to do something I don’t really want to or enjoy to be loved? Am i worthy of being loved?

I'm so sorry. As a thirtysomething that had the privilege to afford never to have sex, and who doesn't plan to change that any time, soon, I can tell you from my own experience that yes, not wanting it is valid, and no one should blame you for it. No one should blame you for forcing yourself to try it (because damn the societal pressure is so real), and for never liking it either. I'm so sorry you've been so invalidated just for wanting to live as you are for so long.

Seems to me that what you have right now is something you've always deserved and it's tragic that you didn't get it any earlier, but it's such a relief you have it now. Of course it's OK to call him your boyfriend. As much as our closed-minded, stuck-in-its-own-way, can't-see-past-its-own-nose society would try to lead you to believe, you don't have to have or want sex with someone to love them, that's not a mandatory condition at all. Of course you're allowed to love and worthy of being loved. And no, you don't have to force yourself to do something you don't want to or enjoy to be loved. That applies not only to sex but to so many other things. You don't have to force yourself to do anything to be worthy of love.

It's idealistic thinking maybe, but I always think communication is incredibly important between two people, so I'd personally recommend (although take for that what you will, you were just sharing feelings here, it's not like you came into this inbox to be told what to do and it's kinda pretentious on my part to write this in the first place) to share those fears with your boyfriend, emphasizing, if you need to, that it's not that you don't trust him or don't love him, it's that with the struggles you've had to go through for so long as an asexual person, it's hard for you not to be scared of such things even if things are going great. Of course I don't know your boyfriend, but if you have the feeling he's supportive, I want to believe that he'll be there to reassure you and keep supporting you.

And heck, if it winds up being a disappointment and he actually did have sexual ulterior motives he can't do without... That's on him, not on you. There's nothing wrong with you not wanting sex. You have every right to enjoy loving someone and being with someone on your own terms. I'm fortunate enough to do so myself, at the moment (granted, in a queer platonic relationship so it's a bit different, but still), so I know first-hand it's possible. And I sincerely wish you the best. You don't deserve to be doubting yourself, your happiness and your right to happiness so much but I can't blame you for that either. Society can really fuck up an asexual's self-esteem. But fuck that noise. You're so valid as you are.

[devldom]

sweet nothing

solomon x gn!reader. 1k words, sfw.

they said the end is coming, everyone's up to something / i find myself running home to your sweet nothings / outside, they're push and shoving, you're in the kitchen humming / all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

a/n: there’s been so much solomon content lately so this is probably nothing new, but i still wanted to write this bc i live for some fluff. set in the nightbringer timeline. inspired by sweet nothing by taylor swift.

The Devildom streets were so silent compared to the sounds that tend to fill the House of Lamentation. You could hear them all in your head: Levi and Mammon’s bickering, Lucifer’s annoyed voice as he lectures his brothers, the sound of Satan flipping book pages, and a million more variations of the brother’s shenanigans that you know like the palm of your hand. But all of those sounds would disappear as soon as you stepped outside to walk home.

Home. You let out a sigh, thinking about how the House of Lamentation isn’t home anymore. It feels weird, so much colder and distant, just like the brothers. You still haven’t adjusted to this new life, to being in the past, to having them all be strangers again. It was exhausting thinking about how all that you had before, all the relationships you’ve forged with everyone, none of that matters here. And you have so much love for them, but they’re not your brothers. Not your demons, nor your angels.

You felt as if you were made of glass, and every day that you had to show up to work as their attendant, it was the little things that scratched your delicate surface—like the way Beel doesn’t know what kind of snacks you like, how you can’t go up the attic anymore, the fact that you can’t stay up playing games with Levi, and the fact that Satan is not giving you very specific book recommendations based on what you like— and you know that, eventually, it will all break you.

But it was in moments like this, in which you felt like you were drowning in your own pitiful thoughts, that thinking about Solomon felt like a breath of fresh air. Going home to him after a long day and seeing that look in his eyes that you know so well, a look that is only for you, fills you with so much warmth, familiarity, and hope. Strangely, Cocytus Hall feels like home.

You walked in, quietly closing the door behind you. The building was completely silent, except for the sound of some steps walking towards the entrance.

"Hey," the white-haired sorcerer greeted you, the smile on his face lighting up the room as soon as he saw you.

"Hey," you couldn’t help but smile, too, as you took off your coat and hung it near the entrance.

"How was your day?" he asked as both of you walked into the living room. You let out a sigh as your tired body rested on the soft sofa. "It was fine."

"Are you sure?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow at your sigh. Your body language was telling him a whole different story.

“I mean, it was the same as always, I guess. You know how they are,” you explained. Really, nothing major had happened that day, but you were tired. Tired of them not knowing you, of being stuck in an uncertain past, of being around people you love so much but them not loving you back.

Solomon put his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him, encouraging you to place your head against his chest, which you did without a doubt. You sighed again, this time a sigh of relief as you heard his heartbeat. "You know you can always talk to me, right?" He whispered, his fingers running lightly through your hair, his touch ghost-like.

"I know," you whispered and then went silent for a few minutes. It wasn’t an awkward silence; he respected your space and could’ve been silent for hours if that’s what you needed. But you opened your mouth again, your voice barely there. "I don’t know. Lately I’ve been so tired, everything’s too much. This is too much. I’m starting to think maybe I’m just too soft for all of this."

Solomon was the one letting out a sigh this time. "I see," he mumbles against your hair, placing a soft kiss against the top of your head. As the most powerful sorcerer in the three realms, there weren’t many occasions in which he felt powerless, but knowing that you’re so sad, so tired, he felt useless. He wishes he could take those feelings away from you with magic, but all he could do was sit and listen, and make you feel as loved as he could. "It’s okay to be soft, though. I hope you know that. You’re in a complex situation; it’s normal to feel the way you’re feeling, and you should allow yourself to feel these emotions, but I promise you you’re doing fine. If I were thrown into the past and I had to face you, and you did not know who I was, I would feel the same, too."

"You would?" you asked, looking up at him, his gray eyes looking at you warmly.

"I would. I don’t know how I’ve lived so, so many years without you by my side, starlight. My life would never be the same without you." He whispered, running his fingertips down your back. And you could feel it right now—that fuzzy feeling that only appears when you’re with him. You could feel your face warming up at his words, which made him smile.

"I love you, do you know that?" you asked, your lips brushing lightly against the skin of his jawline, making him shiver. You placed a light kiss on that area.

"I know. And I love you just as much." He murmured back at you, moving his face lightly, his lips looking for yours. You couldn’t help but smile as you lean in for a kiss, his lips warm against yours. In that moment, it felt like nothing else mattered except the love and care you have for each other. He sighed, satisfied, as he pulled away from the kiss.

"Aren’t you hungry? It's kind of late, but I can cook something comforting just for you."

"Actually, I had some snacks before getting home," you said, almost out of muscle memory, as you cuddled up against him. "Please, let’s just stay here. I want to be with you."

The sorcerer smiled as he pulled you closer to him, indulging you. When everything around you felt like it was falling apart, it really was those little moments with Solomon that pulled you back together, reminding you that you were capable of everything. He was your rock, keeping you grounded when you needed it most. And you couldn’t be more thankful.

[starstruckodysseys]

20 questions for 20 writers !!

thank u to @localdisasterisk for tagging me in this! i honestly do not know how many writers i follow so um. ill tag my pibe fic besties @wheelsupin-azarathmetrionzinthos @angelwiththeblue-box @fatestitcherr @incorrect-play-it-by-ear and the rest of u can fight amongst yourselves

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

48. i don’t know if its more concerning that almost half of them are from the past five months or that almost half are play it by ear. its the same almost half but still

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

143,389. woof

3. what fandoms do you write for?

obviously play it by ear. everyone knows that. also d20 occasionally and project sekai. unfortunately

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

toya and mizuki’s step by step guide to romancing a shinonome — i will be so real with you guys i specifically crafted this one to be popular. and then i fell in love with it along the way. but it did start as a science experiment

let me take you with me (just like this) — WHY. this is my second pjsekai fic and my fourth fic ever posted. it’s not at all reflective of my current style. help

kiss it better — yeah. same issue as the other one. this one’s better though lmao

say you miss me (say you want to kiss me) — honestly? just impressed a honakana fic made it up this high. love my girlies

the moon is crumbling (but that’s okay) — yeah everyone pretend to be surprised the ruikasa fic got this high up. it was a new concept for me, though, so i’m pretty proud of that

5. do you respond to comments?

i used to, but not really anymore unfortunately. to be fair, i will point you all to the fact that most of my recent fics are pibe, and then to the discord where we all scream about them together

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t usually. write sad endings. bc i don’t like them. okay that’s not true i just usually don’t. i guess the moon is crumbling?? if i had to choose?? it’s more bittersweet than anything, but people did say they cried, so…

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99.9% of my fics are getting together fics. it’s just the same ending a million different ways. you tell me

8. do you get hate on your fics?

not publicly!

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i would simply be too powerful if i could. this is for your safety actually

10. do you write crossovers?

in the sense of characters across universes/media interacting? no. in the sense of “i am going to put my blorbos in every single other setting i slightly enjoy”? absolutely. putting them under a microscope. researching and recording how they react to their surroundings

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

i simply do not think there is a demand for my fics in other languages. not in like a depressing way, it’s just that i’m writing for like five people including myself, so. yknow

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but if someone wanted to… 👀

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

i’ve never written for them (yet, at least), but by sheer volume and span of time i have to say souyo persona4. my silly boys. i’ve never scoured the entire tag for a ship multiple times on ao3 like i have for them. i have so many thoughts about them that have never seen the light of day but they exist!!

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stares awkwardly at feed your anger like fire… i’ve tried!! but it turns out that sometimes you get stuck on clothing designs and stop writing and then lose passion for the project and then stop updating for three years because you were too ambitious and also you hate your old writing style. not that i would know anything about that

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m really good at dialogue, or at least banter. unfortunately this makes me very judgmental but that’s not important. also i can create a vibe well i’ve been told

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

in general? i SUCK at character description, or at least knowing where and when to place it. i also always worry about characterization and if my characters sound too similar

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i used to read so many fics that centered around using another language (shoutout bmc fandom when i was. in that. a dark period of my life, but alas) and honestly if it’s done well i think it’s cool!! i’m not going to get into the intricacies of bilingualism on account of being an english only speaker but it is rad to me

19. first fandom you wrote for?

wrote for? probably warriors. yes the cats. i had a whole fanfic for my oc. shoutout to… honestly i don’t remember her name but she was a real one! wrote for and posted is another story, by which i mean i don’t remember At All. probably bandori tbh, bc i don’t remember if i posted fanfic on my wattpad

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

either the venn diagram of curses and crushes (which is still my favorite fic title ever) or soaking in the glory. one of them is a 3k word expedition into the play it by ear canon space and the other is a 7k word fever dream i went into a fugue state to write in two days. honorable mention to the like the sweetest cup of chai series which i hold so close to my heart. silliest besties of all time

[formulapookie]

ok, so i keep seeing stuff and tbh, it puts me off but i want to give benefit of the doubt.

so. where would YOU have me start on learning how moto gp works. i don't mean shipping. i will go left field with that shit myself, hell, i'm out here in my georgenando canoe. but understanding the sport.

you know, stuck here between should not have to give reasons and fuck it. bestie has bikes. i've watched some stuff. i find it very interesting. i'm not here bc f1 soley. but any time i've watched there is just so much to take in? when i got into f1 i had my friend on msn explaining. holding my hand if you will.

also yes i'm prepared to be labelled a glory hunter as i am inevitably drawn towards the small spanish war criminal. i have a type.

so do you have a primer? links? any news articles that really break it down?

ok so.

I personally got into MotoGP through my best friend who didn't explain a lot to me, just told me to try and get it (he's bad at explaining things)

I tried to read about it on wikipedia first, just to get a general idea of the sport and you know, teams and riders.

I think I can break something down for you, but it's mainly the structure of the sport itself rather than it's story, for that you can ask or read @muxas-world blog because that's where I at first got infos here on tumblr.

SO.

The weekend is structured on three days like F1, we got one Free Practice on Friday and then a Pre-Qualifying session called Practice in which the ten fastest gain direct access to Q2 on Saturday.

Saturday has another round of Free Practice and then Quali, divided in Q1 where the riders out the top ten on the previous day fight for the first two position to access Q2 with the other ten, then it's down to the fastest. After this there's ALWAYS the sprint, unless particularly strange scenarios (extreme weather) and it gives circa half the points of a normal race, it's fully valid for the championship and it DOESN'T determine the day after's grid, it stays the same as the first one.

On Sunday we race. There's no mandatory pit stops in MotoGP, unless it's raining and riders gotta switch to a wet bike, which is very funny cause you see these crazy guys hopping from a bike to another and try to regain positions.

Teams can have wildcards during the season, meaning riders (usually test riders) who replace one of the two official riders for an ENTIRE WEEKEND, not like F1 where it's usually just FP1, and this year they changed rules so that only certain teams can have wildcards, Ducati is completely excluded by it because they're 4 teams combined (as in Ducati gives engine to 4 teams: Ducati Lenovo and Pramac which use a 2024 bike, Gresini and VR46 which use a 2023 bike) and honeslty there was another reason but I currently am fighting sleep to answer you and can't remember

Points are assigned from the 1st to the 15th place, one additional point for the fast lap.

Tows, crashes and show are much more likely to be than in F1, especially crashes are far more frequent, obviously not cause riders are bad, but because it's easier to loose a bike going 360km/h ratehr than a car at that same speed.

Also, here Moto2 and Moto3 hold a higher value than F2 and F3 do in the Formula 1 concept of it all, championships won in those classes ARE COUNTED as championships, so Vale for example, a 9 time World Champion IS NOT 9 times MotoGP world champion, 9 in the championship won together in MotoGP and what back then was 125/250cc (currently Moto 3 and 2, actually with even more cc)

It's important to watch these series cause they really give you and insight on A. how actually crazy these guys are B. how many talents there are out there

sorry I can't really tell you more cause if you wan the history of the sport i'm not the one to talk you well about it, but I hope I helped, also sorry if I don't include links but I don't really know where to get real infos, I just learnt here on tumblr, I recommend you do the same :)

[tangyangie]

Hello can I request a short story of karma seeing reader at the old classroom of 3-E after 7 years (and that both of them having a crush on each other during their junior high) then they went inside and talked Abt the things they did back then and their memories (pls add sum sad parts) the classroom was filled with nostalgia then when it was time for the reader to go home karma stops them and told them Abt his feelings back then (basically a confession) then it's up to you

This idea has been stuck at my head for some time now

» a loving feeling →

character: karma

description: you and karma meet at the old campus after 7 years, and you both had a crush on each other during your time there. what do you talk about?

notes: EEEEE this is such a cute request!! sorry it's probably not great bc i've got a headache but i really enjoyed making this!!

also im pretty sure this is referencing the reunion too, but if it's not pls just tell me i'll totally make another!!

also thank you to the people for requesting!! i really enjoy making them even if i take a while to do it </3

"y/n!"

you hear a voice from behind you. turning around, you smile and run towards it.

"karma!!" you jump into his arms, as he laughs and spins you around while you muffle your giggling in his shoulder.

"it's been a while." you sigh, as he playfully set you down. he smiles at you. "yes, it has."

"come on, now. let's go see everyone else!" you exclaimed.

he sighs and shakes his head. "alright, alright."

you grab his hand and drag him along into the small building. there's a small party going on in one of the rooms, with food and drinks.

you see many of your old friends. some look a little different than before, such as nagisa, who finally cut his hair.

"guys!! hi!" you say, smiling as you stride into the room.

"hey, y/n! how's it going?" kataoka says.

you run over to your friends to catch up on everything that's happened for the past 7 years, as well as jesting them about their love lives.

"speaking of which, y/n, what about you?? did you finally find someone?" rio teases.

karma hears this, and instinctively listens closer.

you sigh theatrically, and place your hand upon your forehead while slightly leaning back.

"alas, i have not. i've been quite busy these past 7 years. i did so happen to ace my job interview, though!" you add in, slowly beginning to brag about the money you were getting.

rio chuckles. "well, at least we know you'll be fine even if you end up alone for the rest of your life!"

"hey!!" you laughed, gaping at her while dramatically holding your hand over your heart. "that hurts!" you frown.

"i doubt that." she teases, as you roll your eyes playfully and go get some refreshments.

rio walked over to karma, who had been listening intently the whole time. "you're not slick, karma. they totally saw you."

"hush, they did not!" he smirks.

"did too."

"did no—" rio interrupted him, shaking a finger in his face.

"anyways-- you should confess to them." she smiles.

"are you kidding? any feelings they might have had are definitely gone." he sighs.

"i don't think so," rio starts. "i think they're still into you."

karma grumbles something under his breath, looking away, and rio sighs playfully. "just give it some thought. if you decide you need help, i'll totally be your wingwoman!" she winks.

he just chuckles, and said, "sure, then. let's give them a shot."

»»»

about an hour had passed, and you decided you wanted to walk around the old campus. 7 years is a while, you wanted to see if anything had changed.

obviously, you invited karma to join you.

"come on, it'll be fun!"

he laughed and replied, "maybe i can throw myself off the cliff again!"

"karma!!" you shriek, doubling over in laughter. "that's not funny!"

"you're showing it very well." he says, giving you a thumbs up.

you grab his hand as you run around and observe all around the campus. it seems that most of the scenery has stayed the same.

you both recall funny memories, your old study areas, the place where you held your trainings, and more.

but of course, the most abundant being in your memories was korosensei.

"i still think about him, a lot." you say, brushing your hand against the ground as you sat down.

"..so do i." karma sighed, lowering down next to you. you both talk about him and remember all the memories. even though he was dead, he continued to have a happy place in your memories.

karma wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you continued to reminisce.

"he's the reason i was able to get this far in the first place. i owe him everything." you smile.

you both basked in the silence as you were overwhelmed by the nostalgia.

"hey, y/n, there's something i—"

"guys, come here! we've got cake!!" nagisa shouted from the campus.

"ooh, cake!!" you exclaimed, easily pulled away from the silence.

karma laughed and helped you up. you both walked back to the classroom, hand in hand.

after you had both gotten your cake slices, you went to go converse some more.

"so, how'd it go, loverboy?" rio smiles.

"didn't happen." he sighed.

"what?!" rio gawked at him. "after all my help??"

karma laughed. "what help??" he whispered. "you gave me a cookie and then kicked me in the deep end."

"i thought you already knew how to swim." she shrugged.

"can i have a snorkel?" he joked.

»»»

after a few more hours and activities, everyone had decided it was time to leave. you wanted to help clean up, so you decided to stay back and send everyone off.

little did you know, that karma had also decided to hang around.

"need some help?" he teased, seeing you struggle to get every single plate at once.

"would be nice," you smiled. he easily took the stack and carried them to the trash bin while you got a few paper towels to clean the tables. karma helped everywhere else.

after the cleaning, you swore the classroom looked cleaner than when you came.

"nice job, karma!! it looks great in here." you say proudly, with your hands on your hips. "we.. should probably get going now. i know you're pretty busy."

"sure, let's go." he smiles, scooping you up as you giggle.

he carries you to the front, while you groan, and tell him you forgot your things. he sets you down, and you run back inside as he leans against a tree while waiting for you.

his thoughts were running through his head. could they have noticed how nervous i've been today?? i've barely made any jokes at all.

i definitely need to tell them. right now.

you arrive again, ready to leave the school. "alright, karma. see you around!" you smile and begin to walk off.

although a little apprehensive, he stops you.

"wait, y/n." he says, with a smile on his face. "there was something i wanted to tell you earlier." he says.

"yeah, what's up?" you smirked.

slightly stuttering and breaking his usually chill persona, he started to speak.

"i.. i don't know if anyone told you this, but, i used to have a big crush on you. like, huge." he started.

you faced him, and crossed your arms and smiled. "really? i never noticed. tell me more." you teased him lightly.

he put his hands in his pockets. "so... you knew?" he said, feeling a little defeated.

"please, you were a junior high student. as slick as you thought you were, you were a little dumb." you joke.

"that's not very nice," he rolls his eyes dramatically. you laugh and take a few steps closer to him.

gently taking hold of his hands, you look into his eyes. "i knew the whole time. but, there's something i don't know now."

"if that happens to be a certain question, i think you might be in luck." he says.

"it seems you already know." you whisper, leaning a little closer.

"yes, y/n. i still very much like you." he sighs.

you tried to hide your excitement, but karma couldn't help but notice the sparkle in your eyes.

"then... would you mind if i--" you begin to say, but karma interrupted you.

karma gently brings you in and gives you a kiss.

you sigh softly into the kiss, relieved that he reciprocated your feelings. that have indeed been actively increasing over the years.

you slowly pull away. "maybe we'll be seeing each other more often than we think." you whisper.

"i'd like that a lot, i think." karma whispers back.

you walk back with him, hand in hand, with your minds more at peace than they've ever been in the past 7 years.

notes: ahh this is so cute i love it </3 i live for these kinds of confessions they're so heartwarming!!

anyways i'm really sorry it took so long!! i was really busy this week and had a lot of stuff i needed to do for school!!

[skunkes]

it is so refreshing to see ppl be like normal and regular about other artists taking heavy inspiration 😐 way too many ppl start screaming and crying over it for some reason /gen

i understand why some people might! especially depending on visibility and audience, and level of heavy inspiration.

i know there was a point where ppl thought i was copying a popular artists character and i got so scared solely bc i feared people coming after me.

but i also understand bc I myself have taken heavy inspiration from others before, and also because I myself am not somebody who Sticks (or Stuck bc i dont do heavy focused style inspo stuff anymore, because, surprise! i grew and frankensteined it into my own work after i learned what i like!) with an emulated art style for long

(see: my post where I struggle naming inspirations bc my inspirations arent...extremely, consistently, visibly, immediately influential on my work.)

i like giving ppl the benefit of the doubt for that reason... I now also understand and recommend naming/mentioning the ppl who inspired you when you do so as it immediately sets that level of understanding! (like oh, its a style study/inspiration and not somebody plucking my hard work and planning to cause a scene abt it)

like even recently that person who was copying my art down to the ideas (literally redrew a personal smunker doodle comic about smthng that actually happened to me, as their sona), i decided not to intervene because well, they're young, not harming anyone or screwing me out of anything, there's a chance they learn what they need from my stuff and move on in a few months. that's how you Learn sometimes...i did the same when i was in high school, i grew and moved on art wise... no good would have come out of someone attacking me about it bc its... common !

i do like seeing how ppl are interpreted and inspired by my stuff because im curious, and have enjoyed what ive seen mentioning me directly ^_^ but ill still say the only mistake made in this specific case was getting caught ykwim? "do what you want but dont let me see it" (except i do wanna see it ykwim)

[hikari-drkspc]

❅ “Snow Buried Memories” ❅

characters: yandere! todoroki shoto & yandere! dabi [boku no hero academia]

warning: yandere, mentions of pun1shm3nts and k1dnapping, threats using el3ctr1c sh0ck brac3let, mild swearing, pent-up emotions ; MINOR/AGELESS BLOGS DNI, PUT YOUR AGE IN BIO/PINNED POST TO INTERACT

words: 1.9k

a/n: this is a repost from my main blog (@/hikari-writes) so yes this writing is old + bad, i just moved them here w/o editing bc im lazy and wants to keep reminding myself how bad my writing used to be <3

It’s snowing, you thought as you peer out the window of your room. Another winter has passed by. And here you are, stuck inside this damn house with two of your self-proclaimed lovers.

You wanted to go outside. It has been a few years since you’ve been kidnapped by Shoto and Dabi. You can still remember the day they kidnapped you like it was yesterday. Despite the warmth the heater in your room was giving, you could feel your shoulders shudder at the recollection of that memory.

You’ve already grown accustomed to your lifestyle as a captive. Your first few months here has been hell. You kept resisting them and trying to escape. It goes on for about a year or two.

As soon as you realize there’s no escaping these two psychos, you decided it’s time to give up. You silently thank the god for still keeping your sanity in check. If not, you might’ve actually started to accept what they’re doing. You might’ve actually started to accept their twisted love.

You stopped resisting them and let them do as they please. As long as you behave, you might be able to say goodbye to those two years of hell full of punishments. You never acted or pretended as if you love them though. They’d know right away you’re bluffing. Heck, your acting skill isn’t A+ either.

It’s been such a long time since you last touched the snow. You missed the feeling. You wanted to go outside. Even just at the front yard is enough. You wondered whether those two would let you. After all, you’ve been behaving excellently. Surely they’d cut you some slack just this once.

As these thoughts crossed your mind, the door to your room creaks open and there Shoto stands in front of it.

“What are you looking at?”

He asks, making his way to you.

“…The snow.”

You answer him and turn your attention to the view outside once again. He looks at you for a moment before joining you and looks out the window.

As you two were silently watching the view, you suddenly felt an arm draped over your shoulder and pull you a bit closer to him. You didn’t hear him coming in but you knew it was Dabi even without glancing at his direction.

“Your hand is already cold from putting it against the window. Let’s go to the living room and cuddle there. I’ll make a hot chocolate too.”

Shoto suggests as he puts a hand over yours and pulls it away from the glass window.

“Um…hey…”

Your voice almost came out as a whisper as you tried to get their attention. They turn to you almost simultaneously.

“Is it okay….if I want to go outside? Just the front yard is okay. I just…want to play in the snow. It’s just… It’s been so long since I last touched them so…”

You trailed off and waited for their responses.

Dabi looks at you disapprovingly while Shoto remains stoic. They seem to be contemplating your request. It’s true that you’ve given up on trying to escape and they knew that. There’s no reason for them not to comply with your little request but still, there’re always those little bits of doubt in the back of their minds.

“Love, if you want to play with snow, can’t Shoto do something using his quirk? It’s not like you necessarily need to go outside.”

Dabi started. You look at Shoto in pure shock.

“You can do that, Shoto?”

Shoto shot Dabi a look and heave a sigh.

“I’m not an Elsa, Dabi. My quirk can’t create snow. Besides that, I don’t really see any problem in letting Y/N out in the front yard.”

This situation actually surprised you. Shoto is usually the one who’s more strict while Dabi is the more laidback one. But it seems like this time it’s the opposite.

“But of course…”

Shoto continues and takes out something from his pocket. He takes your hand in his and before you know it there’s a clicking sound.

You looked down and saw something like a bracelet around your wrist. You immediately recognized it as an electric shock bracelet. You deadpan at the sight, but really, there’s nothing you can do anyway. It’s futile to protest against him.

“If you stray too far away, I’ll have no choice but to shock you so don’t try to pull any tricks on us, okay?”

He says softly with a slight smile. He didn’t mention it but you could somehow already guess that the volts are high enough to make you pass out.

~~**~~

Dabi opens the front door and as soon as you step out, the cold air instantly hits your cheek. You could see your breath in front of your face. It’s colder than you had thought.

You’ve been so used to the warmth inside the house for many years that the cold felt foreign to your skin. It surprised you how the cold still gets to you even with several layers of clothing you’re wearing.

You turn to see Dabi and Shoto, who are wearing pretty thin clothing despite the cold.

“Well, aren’t those two lucky to be so warm in this cold because of their quirk.”

You silently thought to yourself with a little bit of irritation. You tried to shake those feelings off though as soon as your eyes fell upon the sight of snow in front of you.

You couldn’t contain your excitement and quickly make your way to the pile of snow. Dabi and Shoto quietly follow suit and crouch next to you.

The feel of the snow in your gloved hands immediately brings back some memories of the past. Looking back, you realized how much you’ve taken for granted of these pure white crystals. You swear you’ve never been so happy to be able to touch snow before.

A sudden devilish idea pops in your head as you were shaping the snow into a ball.

“Right, if I use this as an excuse, they probably can’t say much to it.”

“Hey!”

You shout at them, trying to catch their attention. (Well, it’s not as if their attention is on somewhere else anyway.)

Shoto’s vision is completely covered in black as the snowball hits him straight to the face. It took Dabi a moment to process what was happening before he himself was hit by a snowball.

’“Y/N, what–”

Shoto started but you cut him off.

“Snowball fight!”

You exclaim and throw another snowball at Dabi. It hit him in the face once again, and now his face is totally covered with snow.

You started to ball another snow while the two are still a bit flustered by the sudden game.

As you did so, you put all of your pent up frustration and anger towards them in the snowball. You’ve been keeping quiet all this time but it still frustrates and angers you how you’re held captive by these crazy guys.

You’ve tried to vent it out to them before and you can positively say, you don’t like the consequences you were faced after that.

But if it’s like this, then maybe…just maybe…you can get back at them without them noticing how much hatred you put into those snowballs you threw. They can just think of it as you being fired up for a snowball fight.

You throw the next snowball in Shoto’s direction. But as soon as you did so, the snow completely melted and the melted snow ,which now is water, fell to the ground.

You look at Shoto in disbelief. You can see his left hand generating flames that melted the snow you just threw.

“What?! That’s not fair!”

You protest and throw another one at Dabi’s direction, to which he also counters with his blue flames.

“Well, too bad, princess.”

Dabi gave a low chuckle which irritates you more.

“You both have flame-based quirks! This is a snowball fight! Your quirks are prohibited!”

You started to get genuinely angry at them, although it appears to them as if you’re pouting. You can’t just let them ruin your only chance at venting. You might go crazy if you keep bottling these feelings up.

Anger, disgust, helplessness, fear, frustration, irritation…

All of them compiled into those small snowballs you shaped.

They both look at each other before smiling at you.

“If that’s what you want then.”

Dabi replies and throws an attack of his own. You effortlessly avoided it. You could tell he was holding back. Shoto did the same to your dismay.

“Don’t hold back.”

You said clearly, hoping they’d comply.

“It makes it look as if we’re having fun and playing if they’re holding back. This is a match, not a game.”

You quietly complain to yourself.

Thankfully, they decided to humor you and go along with your antics.

~~**~~

The battle lasted for quite some time. The three of you are now sprawled on the snow-covered ground, panting slightly, the tiredness getting to all of you.

It was a good match, you thought. As much as you hated to admit it, you had a little bit of fun. Though only because you get to have your revenge.

You suddenly had a flashback when you used to play like this freely. Before you knew it, a single tear escaped your eyes.

You quickly sit up and wipe the tear away before Dabi or Shoto notice it.

You didn’t really notice it just now but in all honesty, you wanted to cry so hard. You were afraid. You were angry. You were frustrated.

Honestly it’s amazing how you can still breath the same air as those two. It disgusted you how you can still accept your fate just like that, without making any progress on escaping their grasp and live your life like before, normally.

“It’s because I know I’d just get killed if I try anything. Heck, even if I won’t get killed, they’d just make my life a living hell,”

a part of you said.

“I’d rather just die rather than be with these two,”

another part of you protest.

You were conflicted. Living with them has slowly made you lose your sanity, bit by bit. You were trying very hard to hold onto those last shreds of sanity you had left.

“Princess, let’s go inside. You’re freezing.”

Dabi’s words are coated with honey, and anyone would be swooned by it. Well, unless they’re being held captive by him under the pretense of him loving them, of course.

Shoto silently princess carry you and get inside the house. The sound of Dabi shutting the door behind him echoed in your ears. The echo made your eyes sting, but you held yourself back from crying.

You were placed down on a comfortable couch, a set of three mugs of hot chocolate on the table in front of you. Dabi and Shoto, both on each of your sides, cuddle closer to you. Both of them lean in and whisper to your ears,

“We love you, Y/N.”

That one single statement that left their mouths made you bite your lip in an attempt to hold in back your emotion. Your nails are digging the blanket and you put on a fake smile, one that’s surprisingly very convincing.

“Yeah, I know.”

It’s a lie and you know it. But you had no choice.

You never had, and probably never will.

[icedmetaltea]

Yesterday was ok, today anxiety's been awful again...

(rambling abt anxiety and nonsense venting below)

felt dizzy/bit of vertigo throughout the morning and when I checked my BP it was 154/108 so that scared the shit out of me... I took a bit of propranolol and that seems to be helping but I'm worried bc when I asked about what a dangerous BP was my stepdad said 160 and up and that's uncomfortably close. The last time it was high it was only like 140/90 so this was really scary

I called the number the crisis ppl give me from a resource sheet on friday again since I never got a response after leaving a message on monday but this time they told me to call yet another number and they said I couldn't get any kind of help till I came to their office to fill out some forms and like??? I CAN'T LEAVE MY FUCKING APARTMENT

Do these people never get ppl with severe agoraphobia?? The last time I had a full-on panic attack I screamed at the top of my lungs and had to call 911 to get ppl to calm me down so I'd stop hyperventilating, you want me doing that in public again??????

Anyway she told me I can call the supervisor and see if she could make an exception in my case BUT ofc she wasn't available and I had to leave a message, no clue when I'll hear back and when I do I doubt she'll even be able to help me

I fucking hate this system. This is why so many people kill and hurt themselves. When they are lost, when there's nowhere else to turn. When the crisis ppl come they give you a whole list of resources but what is there for people like me who are stuck at home, broke, unable to work bc they literally cannot function like this when it gets this bad every couple of months (sometimes more frequently)

it's either go to a psych ward where they'll pump you full of meds that'd just give me the same "locked in" panic attacks which trust me are far worse than toughing it out at home where at least it isn't bright and loud and horrible or face shit on your own

I thought it was starting to get better, yesterday I cooked 3 meals for myself, I went outside and sat on the step for 5 mins, today I can't get out of bed bc every time I try the room spins. Even when I'm laying down like this it's bad. Even if I close my eyes it's bad... I slept better last night and I thought I was doing well but no, midway through the day everything's horrible again. I keep feeling out of breath no matter how many deep breaths I take... other times I feel like there's "too much air" and I'm breathing too fast and can't slow it down... how do I even describe it??

I feel like I'm going insane but at the same time I know it's been this bad and worse before. I remember my childhood. I remember laying on the floor struggling to breathe, alone. I remember begging god to take this sensation of dread to go away, or to just let me die. Anxiety has a habit of always seeming... idk unfamiliar? No matter how many panic attacks you have, they always feel new

and what's worse is I can't even remember how I eventually always overcome these phases bc I ground rule growing up stemming from OCD I had at the time was I wasn't allowed to write anything in a journal bc it was "bad luck" or something (at the very least my OCD isn't nearly as bad these days) Idk if it takes days, weeks or months to get better. If I spend half a year or longer just waiting for things to get better then like um... it kinda becomes a quality of life issue, doesn't it?

Idk maybe it's the weather. It's 65 rn, yesterday it was mid forties, so maybe that's it. Well then I'm fucked bc it's only gonna get warmer as it approaches summer, and ya know climate change and everything wooooo

Doesn't help that the past two times when my stepdad witnessed me having those really bad attacks he said I should go to a padded cell or something... I know where he grew up there was no such thing as mental illnesses or therapy, only "crazy and not crazy", but damn it hurts. At least my bio dad understood what was going on to some extent. He knew anxiety was out my control, that I was going through it but that it didn't make me "crazy", just that my body was reacting physically to something seemingly unsurmountable on a mental level.

My stepdad was even surprised when I told him anxiety is the second most common mental illness nation-wide. I've talked to many other bad anxiety-sufferers, the reason you don't see us outside a lot is bc most of us are inside afraid to leave our houses! We're literally just trying to survive in bodies with malfunctioning nervous systems and in a society that literally is built around causing stress on a daily basis- on normal people, so just think about how that is if you literally have the being-stressed-out disorder my guy

it also seems like whenever I talk to my mom about this she tries to immediately talk about something else. Like I messaged her earlier today and when I brought up feeling dizzy and having a high BP she just said "Sorry you're having a challenging day! We're at the library getting library cards. Libraries are nice!" like sure some ppl like talking about light hearted stuff to distract them but sometimes I just need someone to be there and listen, you know? All it does is make me clam up and bottle all my emotions in, which ofc makes it worse.

I'm scared to check my BP again. I feel like there's something terribly wrong with my body but it's not as if I can see a doctor if I can't 1. afford it till medicaid processes or 2. fucking go to the doctor. You want me to have another one of those soul-crushing panic attacks and shriek around some stranger in an uber?? Hell no

So yea idk what to do. I have a math test this weekend and I've barely studied at all, can't get myself to focus on anything. I can't drop out again, I've already failed this class twice. I don't think they'd let me take it again and I'm pretty sure I've run out of financial aid to pay for it

Ofc mom and dad are gone, my sister said she'd visit me the other day but "forgot" to, so I'm alone. Completely and entirely alone.

The one thing I have going for me is the PMDD won't start up for another week or two so at the very least I have a will to live rn. Anxiety and depression usually go hand-in-hand but since it's just anxiety atm I'm still able to have the motivation to cook and clean when I'm not ya know unable to get out of bed bc my heart is beating out of my chest

When it does come back, well... I'll keep those crisis numbers on speed dial. I've survived all this horseshit, I might as well make it worth something. Idk maybe the thing I'll keep living for rn is a fucking pet fish someday. I have to hold on to every tiny thing that gets me through the day bc there is a chance, even if extremely slim, that things will in fact get better

[luminae-system]

Danny (host) speaking here. Could any systems with psychotic symptoms help us out? Questioning everything and it's a mess.

Tw: long post, system questioning, doubts, venting, hallucination and delusion discussion, bc of that possibly an unreality warning?

Man, the awful thing about having auditory hallucinations is that now I am questioning everything I believe about myself to see if it could be a delusion.

And well, the first thing to question is the stereotypical "talking to the voices in your head!". Could I be really talking to myself and not another headmate? Daena says I'm stupid and she is very much real but I don't know what to think anymore

Our syscovery was years before the start of these recent symptoms so, maybe that is proof enough that we are truly a system, or maybe it is proof that I have actually been psychotic (as in. Having psychosis symptoms) for years and need to tell my therapist about my 'system' to try and get help for my delusion.

I don't even want it to be a delusion, I like the company of Daena, they are very nice to me in their own way, even if a bit rough around the edges. Maybe they did start out as an antagonist but she has proven very useful in taking care of ourself, they have talked me out of stupid things and been there to comfort me when nobody was available...

I don't know if I should try and ignore her and make her go away. If we are a system, it will be very asshole-ey of me to do and will set back a lot of progress we have made, but if I am not a system and I am truly just stuck in a long term delusion, then I should really try to get out of it, I think...

So what should I do? Should I hide my system from my therapist and psychiatrist, or maybe only from the psychiatrist? Should I be honest and open about it finally? I don't even know If I want to break the delusion.... do you always have to break them? Is it unhealthy to want them?