#i will genuinely cry if this show gets to production it is my dream

[andromedavwrites]

Raven Queen, Daughter of the Evil Queen

Concept Design for: Ever After

[ham1lton]

SHE’S SO LUCKY, SHE’S A STAR!

pairing: charles leclerc × famous!reader.

warnings: mentions of mental health. slightly angsty.

summary: lucky is the dream girl. she has everything. the man, the career, and the fame…. or does she?

faceclaim: britney spears ♡

author’s note: this has been in my drafts for SO long. glad to share it with you. let me know if you enjoyed it! <3

— part of the diva anthems series ♪

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liked by lucky, landonorris and 1,383,737 others.

charles_leclerc: happy music video release day to the love of my life! thank you for letting me be a part of your journey. i’m your biggest fan until the end of the road.

also keep an eye out for my cameo on oops!… i did it again - out now! :)

tagged: @ lucky

view all 234,982 comments

user1: he’s so whipped it’s adorable. he truly loves her.

user2: the album is so good. this is crazy!! the album of the year.

*liked by charles_leclerc*

user3: favourite song?

-> charles_leclerc: i love them all…. but dear diary.

user4: charles in his acting era omg.

-> user5: charles leclerc: f1 driver, astronaut, actor and official wag to thee yn.

-> user6: lucky has his ass WORKING 😭

user7: charles going from having a crush on yn to dating her?? he needs to give me his game card. i need to use it on theo james.

user8: OOPS U THINK IM IN LOVE THAT IM SENT FROM ABOOOOOOVVVVEEE

-> user9: IM NOT THAT INNOCENTTT

user10: video vixen charles 😍

user11: the titanic reference omg!!!

lucky: i love you!!! i’m your biggest fan. this album wouldn’t be here without you. 💕

-> charles_leclerc: 💕

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"so are we ready for the tour" your manager speaks to your team. you're wearing a threadbare t-shirt that you stole from charles' wardrobe and a pair of jeans that were more comfortable than stylish.

no one commented on your lack of makeup.

“i can't do a tour." you say, softly.

“you have to. it's the best way to make money. the more shows you do, the more money you make."

“it’s not that. it's just... i'm tired." being lucky, the superstar was a façade. one that you felt that only you could pull off.

it took a certain amount of mental fortitude to lie to everyone in your life.

"maybe next year? can we delay it at least?"

"what about your fans? you know the music industry, yn. the less you strike while the iron is hot, the bigger the chance you’ll be irrelevant when the next new thing comes out.” a executive says. “besides, we’ve already announced it.”

to be genuinely honest, you didn’t care. it would have been absolutely fine for you to retire now. you felt that you’d made your mark. tours would drag you away from your loved ones, they require constant discipline and a lot of effort. something which you didn’t have a lot of at the moment.

“okay. how many shows?”

“not too many. around 80/90.”

you bite your inner cheek and nod. there isn’t anything else you can do.

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liked by billieeilish, beyoncé and 2,493,928 others.

lucky: this has been a work that has been lovingly crafted by so many people. i want to thank my team, everyone who helped to bring this album to life. my best friend who would always bring coffee to set, my makeup artist and stylist tina who helped me create this gorgeous look and my incredible fans who make every release one i look forward to sharing to you. ‘oops!… i did it again’ is out now!

also i see you already getting your red jumpsuits ready for halloween!! tina’s already posted a list of makeup products on her ig - @makeupbyti.

also the biggest thank you to my biggest fan, my confidante and my forever muse - @charles_leclerc. this album wouldn’t be possible without you. thanks for being my first listener. i love you till the end of the road 💕

view all 107,928 comments

user1: THANK YOU TINA!

-> lucky: we love tina in this household 💕

user2: “HER FOREVER MUSE” excuse me while i sob, scream and perhaps cry.

-> user3: i need a love like theirs one day.

user4: ALBUM BANGS

user5: NOW IM STRONGER THAN YESTERDAY!

-> user6: NOW IT’S NOTHIN BUT MY WAY

-> user7: MY LONELINESS AINT KILLIN ME NO MOREEE!

user8: ONE KISS FROM YOU!! AND SUDDENLY

-> user9: I SEE THE ROAD LEAD OUT IN FRONT OF MEEEE

user10: IM A CMULM STAN! SOTY!!!! 😋

billieeilish: thank you for letting me help write some songs alongside you. i love you 🖤

-> lucky: love you the most billie. thank you!!

-> user4: this is my favourite music friendship. so cute.

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you pull out your phone when you see charles ringing. you smile to yourself and lie it against the pillow across from you. when the facetime connects, you see he’s in the same position as you. sleep rumbled with flushed cheeks and twinkly eyes.

you want to kiss him but you’re in amsterdam and he’s in madrid. you doubt you would even have time to make it, even if you could justify the expense to your team.

“hi sweet girl.” he grins at you. “you look pretty.”

“you’re prettier. didn’t you see the tweets? i manifested you.” you laugh slightly. “lucky girl with a gorgeous boyfriend.”

“opposite way around actually. lucky guy.”

“i miss you.” you sigh, looking around your hotel room. it’s gorgeous. it has everything you could possibly want or need and if it didn’t, a quick phone call downstairs would immediately rectify that. but you miss charles. you miss your best friend. you miss your home.

“i miss you too. next time i get a break i’m flying to wherever you are and that’s a promise. okay?”

“okay.”

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FIVE MONTHS LATER.

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liked by messyfan1, messyfan2 and 1,827,346 others

ham1ltonshaderoom: according to sources, singer yn yln and athlete charles leclerc have broken up. the reason being that their busy schedules had gotten too intense for the two of them to handle. singer yn, also known by her stage name lucky, has just embarked on her newest world tour and driver charles is currently travelling for his f1 races.

sources state that their families and friends were all ‘shocked’ by the news as it seemingly came out of the blue. with one party stating that he had seen them only a month earlier and they were ‘all over each other’:

view the link in bio for more information, but how are we feeling at the demise of the power couple ham1ltons?

view all 497,868 comments

user1: well how is he gonna stay relevant now?

-> user2: he’s an f1 driver. i think he’ll be fine.

-> user1: don’t gaf. he’s a flop. how do you fumble THEE yn yln?

user3: NOOOOOOOOOO JUST FELL TO MY KNEES

user4: wait um… why am i happy… yn is single now

user5: him breaking up with her because she got successful is sick. men always want to destroy a woman when they become more successful than them.

-> user6: we don’t know that’s why they broke up or that he was the one who initiated. it could have been her or it could have been mutual.

user7: good. he’s been driving like shit since he started dating her.

-> user8: okay now that’s a lie 😭

user9: this is so sad. they were in love just before she went on the tour. could they not handle long distance?

-> user10: probably not. while yn was writing and recording, she was able to be more flexible so she would travel with charles wherever he went but being on tour means she can’t do that.

-> user11: this makes me believe it was his fault and he broke up with her.

-> user10: i always hated them together anyways. athletes are always bad news.

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liked by pierregasly, landonorris and 1,626,727 others.

charles_leclerc: leo, frank and i.

view all 238,727 comments

user1: the dog is so cute :(

user2: is it true y’all?? did they really break up?

-> user3: they kept all the pictures of each other on their profile and he still follows her.

user4: CHARLES MARC HERVÉ PERCEVAL LECLERC WHAT IS GOING ON 😭

user9: the frank song… oh they’re over :(

-> user10: he’s playing SELF CONTROL too 😭😭

-> user11: is the lyric choice deliberate? yn cried on stage the other day :(

-> user12: idk omg. it sounds like a dick move if so… poor lucky :((

user5: that f1 gossip page was lowkey right because yn is halfway through her tour and he hasn’t been to ONE tour date.

-> user6: thats lowkey crazy when u consider how she would always come to his races to support him.

user7: i just want them back together :( they were the only celeb couple i could stomach.

-> user8: no deadass. they were my taylor/travis.

user13: frank ocean…. this is the most post-breakup ex boyfriend post ever 😭 charlesynnies we lost.

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PARTIAL PHONE TRANSCRIPT BETWEEN YN YLN AND CHARLES LECLERC. — LEAKED BY TMZ.

YLN (CRYING): i hate it. i’m so sorry. i’m so sorry charles. i didn’t want to do it. i just can’t do it anymore.

LECLERC: hey, it’s okay. i get it. it’s okay. i’m not upset with you. i’m not angry.

YLN: i fucking hate touring. i hate it so much. it takes everything from me. i broke up with you because i knew you’d get tired of me. that the tour would make me a shell of myself and you’d inevitably dislike me.

LECLERC: where did you get that from?

YLN: that’s what my ex did. i don’t even blame him.

LECLERC: but i’m not him. i understand that it takes a lot from you but a relationship isn’t supposed to be 50/50 all the time. sometimes it’s 90/10 or 70/30. it’s okay for me to help you. you’ve already done what? two thirds of the tour? not too much left to get through and then you’ll be free. you can do it.

YLN: i know. i just hate it. i love my fans and i love making music but the tour is just too much. this is my third tour in two years…. i miss you. i’m sorry.

LECLERC: i miss you too yn. there is nothing to be sorry about.

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liked by messyass1, messyass2 and 2,837,123 others.

ham1ltonshaderoom: tmz leaked the audio of a emotional phonecall between exes superstar yn yln, more famously known as lucky, and f1 athlete charles leclerc. the two minute leak has the global superstar crying about her current tour and her ex-boyfriend comforting her.

what do we think of the leak ham1ltons?

view all 789,927 comments

user1: oh this is so disgusting my god.

user2: whoever leaked this go to hell. this was very much a private moment between the two.

user3: yn’s management need to let her take a break. a album and a world tour EVERY YEAR is insane!!! i’m surprised she hasn’t burnt out yet.

-> user4: she’s reaching the end of her rope and that makes sm sense. this is a insane amount of work and she’s only in her early twenties!!!

user5: charles was so sweet. at least we know it wasn’t his fault but i feel so much for lucky :( she doesn’t deserve this.

user6: poor lucky :( her management should go to hell!!!

user7: she needs more people looking out for her. this is awful. why would someone even record this anyways???

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liked by ynswifey, messyass1 and 828,726 others.

charlesupdates: charles was spotted in rio de janeiro/galeão–antonio carlos jobim international airport! he signed a bunch of stuff for fans and then had to head off before taking any pictures! i wonder where he’s headed? 🤔

view all 124,837 comments

user1: OMGGGGG

user2: LUCKY IS PERFORMING IN RIO DE JANEIRO

user3: CHARLESYN BACK TOGETHER AGAIN THANK YOU GOD PLEASE

user4: PLEASE PLEASE

user5: ITS HER LAST TOUR DATE PLEASE

user6: i’ve never been this invested in a celebrity relationship ever but i really want this for both of them!!! they seem miserable without each other.

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liked by charles_leclerc, billieeilish and 3,938,737 others.

lucky: and that’s a wrap on the world tour! thank you to all of my incredible fans, the hardworking and talented team behind the scenes and my family and friends for being there for me throughout everything.

a lot of things have been speculated upon and discussed on the internet about me and my life. i am aware of my status and how it endorses these sort of conversations about me but i just want to encourage kindness. we don’t know what someone is going through and a little compassion can go a long way.

i will be taking some time off for my own personal reasons as the tour has wrapped up, but i will see you next year. i love you! stay lucky!!! 💕

tagged: @ charles_leclerc

view all 1,562,828 comments

user1: WAR IS OVER THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!

user2: take all the time u need lucky!!! we love you!!!

user3: CHARLESYNNIES HOW WE FEELIN??

user4: THE PIC OMG! they’re so cute :(

-> user5: yn was so happy at this concert, and charles was spotted there all four nights!!!

-> user6: i love them 🥺🥺🥺

user7: lucky i hope u spend this time having fun and relaxing!!! u deserve it!!

user8: missed seeing charles being tagged in every lucky post…. IM SO HAPPY THEYRE BACK TOGETHER.

billieeilish: i love u :(

-> lucky: i love u too!!! i’m still around!!! always :)

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liked by lucky, arthur_leclerc and 1,726,828 others.

charles_leclerc: home ♥️

tagged: @ lucky

view all 236,727 comments

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— diva anthems taglist: @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @chuxk-lerclerk @ivyvlair @luvsforme @claymoreshaze @mehrmonga

— all works taglist: @luvsforme @yelenasloverrrrr @donttouchthegnote @chelle1306 @bloodyymaryy @aliciaablueprint @lennnooshh @km-23mr @stinkyjax @f1kenzzz @ctrlyomomma @theblueblub @lavisenri @marshmummy @23victoria @ourlifeforchaos @namgification @tallrock35 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @ariellovelynn @shhhchriss @lifeless-firefly @xylinasdiary @evie-119 @itseightbeats @tsireyasgf @landososcar @yongi-lee @maxlarens @velentine @m1892 @blushmimi @evans-dejong

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[lithuanianking]

I saw the best little shop of horrors production ever (photos at the end)

So yesterday I saw little shop of horrors at a local community theater that was a bit away from my house. My friend also happened to be doing spot light! Here's some notes I took at Intermission+while waiting for my friend

-Seymour longing looks at audery during skid row and she does the same during day doo

-everyone is such a talnted actor it's fucking insane

-orin wants Seymour so bad

-orin has the perfct dash of elvis and Taran killam + his own stuff

-urchins steal the show everytime there on-stage it's insane

-the absolute rage Seymour has affter orin hits audery is insane also the fear when orin comes in and the confusion before mushnik and son

-the first customer jumps when he walks by And runs to get inside,hallrious

-made eye contact with orim during dentist and don't feed the plants (3 times then)

-made eye contact w Seymour during meek and ronnette during don't fees

-orin was twisting in a anguish in final

-orin actor had tension with him in every role even bows

-Seymour cried till morning and then got up ans went to his desk to cry

-all actors had such unique voices that if you lisinted for one in particular you'd here it

-orin was the best performance I've ever seen. In his bio he only talked about how passionate he was and that it was his dream role. Whenever a dentist actor (Steve martin,Taran killam) are extremely devoted it allways makes for the best performance. Get this,he was better then Steve martin

-ngl mushnik was a little weak. He didn't get really silly in mushnik and son but he definitely wasn't bad at all it did not effect the show at all.(the issue was probably that he's like a middle aged man)

-the puppetry was amazing oh my god

-all the acting was insane. Every character even ensemble embodied the 60s campy feel

-Seymour was so guilty about killing mushnik he couldn't look at him and was like on the verge of vomiting

-the lighting was so good oh my god it blew me away I had like a great seat and it was like this larger then like performance

But yeah I genuinely don't ever want to see another production because it was perfect

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 - Three spicy/spoilery reviews

The reviewers are just saying whatever they want, I guess! O_O

Here's my favorite bits from TheWrap, ComicBook, and IGN.

I've decided to mix and match them, comparing what they each say about similar themes/topics/reveals.

ELEVATING THE SOURCE MATERIAL

TELL IT! It's about adding DEPTH, y'all, not just a 1:1 page-to-screen.

Intellectual horror, instead of psychological horror--fascinating.

An "even more authentic adaptation" -- WE BEEN KNEW!!! I roll my eyes at book stans who hate on the show, acting like the movie was more accurate just cuz it was set during slavery times with white actors. 🙄 Like PLEASE, there's so much missing from the movie, or glossed over, or straight up changed, that the show-antis just demonstrate how shallow they are when their every attack hinges on the timeline/race/age changes. Cry harder.

MORE elevated than Season 1--you love to see it.

Yaaas, bring on the petty melodramatic mess, and fierce performances! 👏

CLAUDIA & MADELEINE

Because Bailey used profanity to convey her agony being a woman trapped in an adolescent's body in S1 too, I'm assuming Delainey will just cuss more? But cussing is all over the show, so I don't get it.

Everyone keeps raving about Roxane as Madeleine, but they've been SO CLOSE-LIPPED about her scenes, and it's KILLING me. 😭

"Deeply willful around Louis"--yeah, we saw a glimpse of that in the trailer; it's what he deserves. Give 'em hell, Claudia!

And yeah, she's PISSED that they cast her as Baby LouLou--imagine, being infantalized, and given the name of the father you've already gone through so much to emancipate yourself from as a "Brother" instead of "Daddy Lou." 😒 Eff Louis--where's Claudia's scythe at!?

LOUIS / LOUMAND

"Nonsense--" TheWrap isn't holding back a single punch huh?

"dating show contestants feigning authenticity to clumsily present themselves in the best light--" oof. 💀

Holy god; "begging the question...if Louis has just traded one abuser for another" GO AWF! 🚩🚩🚩

DANIEL / DEVIL'S MINION

Wow, so this must refer to Episode 5 from the episode titles list released recently. "Genuine horror".... 😈

RIP. 💀 Youngmaniel might see some action, but Oldmaniel's "utterly allergic and adversarial;" OOF. 💀💀

ARMAND

They keep saying petty. 😅 These messy queens are a trip!

"Far more powerful" -- I am SEATED~! I wanna see THE coven master!

Yaaas, come through Children of Satan/Darkness acolyte! 😈

"Scarred and transformed by the same man" -- they sound like war veterans. U_U

LESTAT / LOUSTAT

"the show's primary villain--" say it louder. Book stans need to stop projecting post-IWTV Lestat the hero/protagonist/MC into the narrative that LOUIS is telling, as a guy struggling to get over his ex.

"There to berate him for his poor choices--" this tracks with the trailer released today, too, where the producers said Dream-Stat would "pass judgement" on Louis' pisspoor actions.

PRODUCTION (Sets, Costumes, etc)

Yes, IWTV S1 was absolutely gorgeous; their attention to detail was immaculate. And so far it looks like S2 is gonna be just as nice. I REALLY like what I've seen of the Threatre's aesthetic.

THEATRE DES VAMPIRES & SANTIAGO

I freaking love this. XD

Agreeing with him about WHAT though? 🤨 That Louis & Claudia are hiding things? Or that they deserve to die because of it? (Especially since Lestat is OBVIOUSLY not actually dead, so what "crime/rules" are they actually breaking, Lord Kangaroo Court?)

TALAMASCA & CRITIQUES

Thank you lord god kamisama flying spaghetti monster he's a Talamascan, not another secret vampire.

But now I'm nervous, thanks to the ComicBook review:

Uh oh. The Talamasca feels forced & out of place. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

The AVENGERS INITIATIVE. 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

But they say it feels like "Daniel's being recruited--" YES PLEASE. 🙏 If Daniel's not gonna be a vampire, at least let him be a Talamascan. Ain't no way he can return to the mundane world after all this.

My BIGGEST complaint about IWTV as a franchise is its tenuous connection to the Immortals Universe. AMC is dropping the ball hard on creating an ARCU--Anne Rice's Cinematic Universe. There are SO MANY immortals & supernaturals we should've BEEN seen in S1, walking the streets of NOLA. I will say this every time: Oncle Vervain Mayfair should've been brought in from the OG pilot script. We should've seen Louis go to him for gris-gris before the poker game, and introduce Lestat to Vervain as a practitioner of what Louis thought was "European voodoo." Also: we should've seen Lasher. There should've been a scene where the Mayfairs told the vampires to GTFO their territory, and keep their hunting grounds on the other side of town. Like, the Mayfair Witches show sucks like you wouldn't believe, it's so stupid (looks gorgeous though), but the WORLDBUILDING is ripe for the taking! And AMC did squat with it!

Like, tbh, I don't see the point of a whole Talamasca show, and if it's handled by Esta & the gang from MW, then I don't wanna see it--I WILL, ofc, but I won't WANT to. Especially since we haven't seen any ghosts. ISTG, PLEASE have Merrick Mayfair in Ep7 or Ep8--not only will that bridge IWTV with MW, but it can perfectly lead to Blackwood Farm., while keeping the threads between vampires, ghosts, AND the Taltos (if they're determined to do a Lestat/Rowan crossover from Blood Canticle 🤢🤮).

I was wondering why so many reviews were giving it 4/5 or 9/10, like wtf are y'all being so stingy for!? But if this is the problem, then I'm not surprised, I've been complaining about it the whole time.

[bengiyo]

Love in Translation Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Phumjai spent most of the episode sorting his feelings for Yang. Tammy definitely picked up on it, and I genuinely feel bad for her. Phojai's brother complex stopped being amusing, especially after he had Tag confront Yang and also disappointed Tag with this continued determination to be discreet. Someone called Yang and scared the shit out him, which led to him trying to push Phumjai away, but our best boy said fuck that and won't let Yang push him away that easily.

YANG MADE MY SWEET BOY CRY.

That's right, Yang. Call Tammy. Call whoever. Find my boy and fix this.

Oh no my BL boy is crying in the rain and no one knows where he is. He will get sick and die!

At least be finally answered his phone and Tammy is trying to take care of him.

Phumjai continues to be the best boy. He recognized what he felt for Yang and called things off with Tammy before trying to confess to Yang.

Tammy is a real one. Adding her to the list of Great Girls in BL Who Didn't Deserve This. She didn't need to reassure Phumjai that Yang actually likes him, and she could have left them all hanging.

Oh, Tag, he's worried about his friend and knows he's partly responsible for this mess, and Phojai isn't even wearing the necklace.

Sponge baths, my beloathed.

Time for the product placement porridge to help the boys reconcile.

They did not reconcile.

Phumjai is trying to be normal and it's driving me and Yang insane.

I'm glad Phumjai doesn't have to hide from his brother.

Wtf, Phojai. I'm gonna need him to stop meddling.

NOW TAG IS CRYING.

Oh so the leaving the business thing wasn't a ploy.

That's right, Yang. Run after him. Confess. I knew you wouldn't let me down.

TEAR THE STORE APART!!!

THEY REALLY DID THAT!!

Oh lord next week debt collectors come to fuck it up.

Besties, this show continues to give me more than I ever hoped or dreamed for. We gracefully sunset the Tammy situation and didn't carry on this angst with Yang pushing Phumjai away beyond this episode. We also didn't hold back on the desire that we all knew was there. This is what I mean when things can be sexy without showing pole. In a year of winners, we continue to win.

[zaceouiswriting]

Fairy Prince - Hearts of Leviathans - Ch.26

Character: Sky x male reader, Riven x male reader, Brandon x male reader

Universe: Somewhere in Winx Club/Saga

Warnings: None

Something cold wakes me up in the middle of the night. With half open, I look around, only to see a silhouette standing before me, with a face I have seen so many times. It's him! I smile at him gently, believing I am in a dream from the past, far away from the reality where he was no longer. For just a second, I think I feel hands brushing some hair from my face, but I don't think much of it because dreams can be strange.

Just hearing his voice is oddly comforting, even if it sounds a little broken, but I don't care; all that matters is that I still dream about him. Even though I'm not entirely sure what happened to him, I know he's no longer with me. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I almost start to cry, but at the same time, I wipe the moisture from under my eyes. Out of nowhere, he sits next to me. But when I see his face this close, my heart fills with pure terror. Although his body looks like him, his face is a grotesque mix of his and those my people have fought against since our world existed. His face is green, with almost black scales.

My heart is racing. I've never dreamed of them before. Why now? I've never seen one with my own eyes, so how can it be so detailed? Have I forgotten something? As my heart races, panic rises so quickly that I'm ready to jump up and scream, only for this... this thing to close my eyelids again. I fall into a sudden void. Neither asleep nor awake either. At least, until the void swallows me whole.

Not long later, or at least it feels that way, I wake up again, only to see a different hand in front of me through my dazed, annoyed eyes. 

"Whoa!" I squeak and jump away. My hand is clenched into a fist, ready to strike forward and hit the person before me. With my eyes closed, I do just that. I wait a moment, but since I don't feel anything at the end of my fist, I slowly open it again.

"Should I examine your fist? Sniff it?" I hear the snarky voice of someone I unfortunately know all too well. "Nice of you to want to hit someone who just wanted to wake you up for breakfast. I guessed you were a dickhead, but that much?"

Staring into the purple eyes of this person, I could only groan in displeasure. "Who asked you to do this? The last time I remember you waking me up, you slammed an ice pick in my side and left it there so I wouldn't bleed to death."

He looks genuinely shocked; I almost believe his innocent act, but something tells me I shouldn't trust anything he says, does, or shows me. People like him can lie like it's their second nature, while their first is being cruel.

For a long moment, he stares at me like I have a second head or something. When he doesn't say or do anything, I click my tongue and push past him, not as hard as the day before, but enough to seemingly snap out of it, making him follow me. He tries to get my attention by talking to me as if all the torture never happened. But all his words only make me angrier. Even though my anger is mostly clenched thanks to the teacher from the day before, I'd probably snap at him if he didn't stop.

Luckily for both of us, we reached our room before I could lose my patience. As soon as I open the door, I find myself standing in front of two almost completely naked guys. I have never been so aware of a situation as I am at that moment. Plus, Brandon is just as much of a scumbag as Riven, who still follows me, but his body is to die for: tight muscles and a lean frame, but enough to make my mouth water. Sky, on the other hand? Man, this guy is the product of every man and woman's dream: incredibly tall, broad chest with pecs bigger than my head, big upper arms, veiny forearms, and instead of Brandon's six-pack, he had eight of them; every single muscle on him was big and maximally defined. He doesn't have a single ounce of fat on him.

It feels like an eternity as I stand there staring at the two of them as if they were freshly cut meat ready to be eaten. Even though embarrassment is rising within me, I can't take my eyes off them because their every move looks and feels like they're trying to attract me. Never before have I felt this obvious. Most people to this day have no idea about my preferences. Although they would find out at the latest when I got married, as it is completely normal in our society, somehow I never felt comfortable telling people since I am always surrounded by men. Even most of the servants in our palace are men.

"Is everything okay?" Sky's concerned voice snaps me out of my dirty thoughts. My cheeks are warm, and my stomach feels like a thousand little bugs are trying to break out of it. On an empty stomach, I almost puke right there. I put a hand over my mouth and gag at my behavior, barely able to hold it back. As I just realized, I am actually a pervert, just not in the way people thought.

I try to turn around because both guys are still standing in front of me in their way-too-tight underwear, with Brandon's black briefs going well with his pale complexion, while Sky, with his slightly tanned skin, is wearing pearl white briefs. I'll probably have to burn my mind to forget this image.

Looking the other way, I tragically gaze at Riven, standing by the door, just as stunned as the other two. I can still hear Sky babbling for a bit, but when he suddenly stops, I look over my shoulder worriedly and see Brandon smacking Sky's head with his wild blonde hair flying everywhere. He whispered something in his ear, only for Sky's brown eyes to widen. They flash in my direction, capturing my eyes in a storm of emotions.

"I had no idea!" he suddenly screams as he rushes towards me, pulling me in those big arms that he could literally chok—no, I shouldn't stick my head in that gutter. I don't need a new obsession or love. My heart is still empty from the last one that left me. “I’m so sorry. If only I had known!” he continues to lament.

To calm him down, I gently pat his large back, which has even more of these beautiful, seductively tight muscles. I want to scratch his back with my fingernails while—What's wrong with me? Realizing my predicament, I quickly try to push him away, but he is undoubtedly much stronger than me. He's certainly a great sword wielder for a reason; with that level of strength, he could probably even use a Bulwark Shield.

I keep trying to get away from him, but he just won't let go; it almost sounds like he's crying, but nothing wet ever drops on me. I'm at my wits' end, yet I know I won't get rid of him anytime soon; I'll freak out, and no one wants that.

He pulls me to his chest once more. I look for a way out, and to my surprise, I think I'm literally facing a possibility. Somehow I manage to snake my arms under his arm until my palm rests on his flawless, muscular pecs, perfect for holding on to. No, don't think about pushing him down, and—no, get out of my head. I could only groan in annoyance. Where did these thoughts come from? I remind myself to keep my naughty thoughts under lock and key and use my hand to do the unthinkable.

A sudden yelp alerts the entire room, and Sky even jumps back, almost falling over his feet, but is barely caught in time by Brandon.

"Your nipples are extremely sensitive for a guy your size, but it's good to know how to get you off me," I tell him in a teasing tone that makes poor Sky blush like I've never seen before. Still smiling, I step closer to him. "What did he whisper in your ear that made you jump on me like that?" I nod in Brandon's direction as I ask him.

Sky, on the other hand, seems reluctant, but I only need to show him my fingers and make a twisting motion for the color to drain from his face. "He told me that you must have had bad experiences with men like us, and that's why you reacted like that!" He burst out like a fountain of unnecessary knowledge.

Honestly? It left me speechless. Why would anyone think that? But when I think about it again, I can see it.

My smile softens, and I carefully place my hand on Sky's chest. "Something like this has never happened to me before; you don't have to worry."

"Then why did you look like you had seen a ghost?“

I take a deep breath, unsure if I should tell the truth or continue to lie like I do to the public in my home world. When I look back at Sky, his eyes are already wide open. Confused, I look at Brandon, who seems even more stunned. The only one not stunned is Riven. When I hear him laugh, I quickly turn back to him. He is hunched over, holding his stomach, as if he just heard the funniest joke ever.

Now I am confused too. Each of us is irate in our own way. Not a word is spoken; only the laughter of the maniac at the door keeps us company in our collective confusion.

When I turn back to Brandon and Sky, they both have their arms crossed over their chests, hiding their nakedness as best they can, refusing to look me in the eye, which baffles me even more.

He always looks so stern and angry, but now he seems too happy. And it pisses me off, so much so that I can only roll my eyes while swallowing my need to punch him in the face.

“A way to go, dude!” he shouts, only to burst into bellowing laughter again.

I'm starting to get annoyed and merely stare at him with deep anger. "What's wrong?" I hiss through clenched teeth. My words finally stop him from laughing at me. Instead, he's searching my eyes for something I don't understand.

"Don't you remember?" He asks me, his voice almost as confused as I feel. I shrug my shoulders and don't know what to answer him. So he clears his throat. "You just told us you would jump on one or both of them"—Riven pointed at Brandon and Sky—"If you looked at them for any long."

“I would never!” I scream back and try to free myself from his grip, but his hand on my shoulder holds me tight.

His lips almost touch my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. "I don't think you want to know what you said word by word," he begins to whisper, his hot breath scratching the hairs on my neck. I roll my eyes, closing them to hide my shame. "Let's just say it was steamy. And very detailed, making me wonder if you only like boys?"

Finally realizing that I've probably spoken my naughty thoughts about her out loud, I try to hide my face behind my hands. But Riven, being a menace in his very existence, grabs my hands and pulls them away from my face. When I push him, he only giggles as if I were a small, annoying insect that can't hurt him. It turns into a full-blown fight where we shove and hit each other, and I end up throwing us both onto one of the beds.

I press my hand to his face as he taunts me with words I believed I had only thought. Embarrassment and deep aggression take hold of me because of his strange change of behavior. I feel something monstrous whispering in my ears, telling me to draw the dagger Riven apparently has hidden behind his back and plunge it into his rotten heart.

At that exact moment, something clicks in my head. Sitting up on Riven's body, I look around. For some reason, I feel like something important is missing. With both hands on his chest, I feel his heart beating; somehow it's getting faster than before.

I know I've heard that voice before, but where? I've never forgotten a face, but voices? No, I'm not good at remembering those, yet I feel deep in my gut that this one feels important to me. Somewhere in the darkness of my mind, I am sure I could find the face to go with the voice, but how? Have I forgotten more than that?

"Is everything okay?" Sky's deep but gentle voice snaps me out of my worries. I blink a few times, but I can only look at him. Unsure whether to answer him or not, I shake my head from side to side. A moment later, he starts scolding Riven for playing too roughly with me. But I don't stand up from him, holding his pecs, which are much smaller than Sky's. A pain is growing in my head, and the world starts spinning as the pain quickly overwhelms me.

For a few moments, I see people without faces threatening me with weapons. I feel like I'm losing my mind, but I hope I will be okay as long as I can feel Riven's body beneath mine.

Even after all of this, I still feel like my mind is drifting off into nothingness, to the point where I almost believe what I see. I'm sure something similar happened, but why can't they have faces? It's just a feeling, but it's so heavy that I'm almost too sure of it.

"Hey!" I hear someone shout. "Hey! Don't fall asleep!" The voice sounds so muffled I can't even believe they're real. Call one of the teachers!" The voices slowly fade as my thoughts race at a speed I can't comprehend.

"It's not time yet," another voice tells me, echoing in my shattered mind. "Don't stress. You'll remember in due time. Like you always do."

"Please don't go! Don't leave me again." He appeared right before my eyes, as beautiful as ever. He was more of a man than I could ever be—so powerful. We were just children and later teenagers, but he had always been a beast.

When I saw him standing over me, with his sharp features and small nose, breathing down on me, I thought back to the time in the fields when we ran away from my instructors. I fell over my own feet and landed right on top of him, pulling him to the ground with me. I remember his laughter bouncing around until I could feel his low voice deep in my bones. He was dirty from the fall, and when I made fun of him for it, he grinned mischievously at me and then rolled us around until we were both muddy. Our laughter caught the attention of my coaches, but they only scolded us briefly before leaving. We were twelve, but even then I knew I would marry him. He was an ugly duckling then, but when puberty hit, he could hold his own against 'Gardon the handsome,' the most beautiful man our world has ever seen.

"Don't worry, we'll see each other again; just be patient, you idiot. I promised you once that I would be by your side forever and ever, didn't I?"

Even though I know he's dead, I just can't bring myself to not believe his words. "I love you. I always will!"

He smiles at me, closes his eyes, and shakes his head. "And I love you to the depths of despair and to the heights of happiness until both of our souls vanish."

Tears roll down my cheeks, and I can only helplessly watch him leave, his ghost disappearing, until I can no longer see him. Although I tried to reach him, he still disappeared, which obviously left me devastated.

[Masterlist]

[viilpstick]

Barbs sweetie-

I need Yuuna content >:(

Like is there stuff you changed from the OG game?? What does she become when she grows older?? Does she have parental figures from staff?? Hobbies?? ANYTHING?!

KEHSJAUXJWHXJWJNS OKAY KKAY LET ME ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS TO U😭😭🙏

1- I don’t think she changes anything on the game (that likes tragically affects everything around her + story) mostly just her relationship with Vil. Of course I add into the story but nothing changes the end. at least for now, I still haven’t decided if I want her to vote for Neige or not, probably not and then I will explain why. But anyway-

2- Yuuna becomes an interviewer and journalist! :3 She always had GREAT intrapersonal skills and after finally healing her inner child that she doesn’t need to copy people, she can finally show more of them ^^ (Bonus: One day she was waiting for Vil to show up in basically the red carpet, and when he does he pulls her for a kiss, in open television and everyone saw- Save to say, they had a few edits going around for the next month)

3- Divus Crewel, the fact that Yuuna is magic-less gets Crewel RLLY interested, and the more he notices simple details, like: Yuuna likes to have a vest on because according to her is comforting and also makes her look more professional. Gets his attention, he then becomes more protective over her, he makes Crowley help her around genuinely more. And every time after an overblot he will RUN to where she is checking if everything is okay. With time (around chapter 3 to 4), Yuuna stops mirroring Crewel and starts acting like her own person around him :(( Which he notices and gets comfortable to help her out around (safe to say, Crewel may have brilliants and less troublemakers students, but Yuuna will always be his favorite, she is like a daughter to him)

4- Her hobbies? Writing and reading, she is a girl who loves daydreaming, fantasies and dreams coming true (ignore the fact she loves horror books as well) so she always has a good book with her around. Another bonus, when she is with Vil, awhile he is testing new products, she will be reading the book. Their quiet quality time <33

5- ANYTHING ELSE???? YOU WANT MORE/j A sad fact now, Yuuna’s younger brother died. And btw when he did, her parents during the whole week until the funeral treated her like absolute SHIT. She would have to do everything, they would tear her up apart, make her cry silent as she screams for help. And before you wonder, nope, this never happened before. She was mistreated and miserable bc of them, but NEVER at this point. Anyway, her brother died bc when she was in school, he was playing outside and his parents weren’t paying attention, he got hit by a car. When she comes home after school and hear the news, she is crying, they didn’t seemed to even care about it. She runs to her room, and cries awhile humming the lullaby she used to sing for him, and if you wonder, the lullaby is “You’ll be in my heart”, yep. The Tarzan song. <//3 Live with that now. (bonus, again: this is why she is so fucking attached to Ace and Deuce, they are just like her younger brothers. And when they find out that whole story, they start seeing her as an older sister as well)

(@midnightmah07 wanted u to see this as well)

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

okay so i do kind of get that but i want their voices omg what i would do to be a tenor

i’m an alto but i have a natural deep voice anyway!!

i do actually like my voice and stuff i would just love to be able to play a dude PROPERLY

i played eugene in grease and so many of my lines got cut, and i couldn’t really be myself in the role because i was so focused on making it perfect

that’s why i wanna play crutchie or jesse tuck because i feel like i could truly be myself in those roles !! but roles i don’t know anything about make me feel even worse

i genuinely cried and purposefully missed cues when i was in grease because i hated my role that much

BUT IVE COME TO TERMS WITH IT!!

i also really wanna perform as crutchie so i can do letter from the refuge my friends all say that they love my cover of it and i can never get enough of him i literally hyperfixate on him so i could play him SO WELL

Sorry tangent on how awful i felt in grease x

i also happily play female roles but i like playing male roles cause i’m more masc presenting

rant all you want shawty!! i had similar experiences in my highschool theater class, we had one boy and like 14 girls(and then me lmao) and i was the only one with a wide enough vocal range to play both? so we did beauty and the beast one year, and that was the year we FINALLY had two boys, so they (of course) got gaston and beast. well, yours truly got lefou, but my (very christian) teacher made me wear a ton of makeup and almost made me wear a dress (argued my way outta that one) so i got to play a guy's part, but it was still an iffy experience because the rest of the cast was rly annoying abt it

anywhizzle

i was in a production of joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat last year, and i was one of josephs brothers along with another girl(who was The Most Annoying Person On The Planet istg) again because of the lack of boys

that theater had a better supply of guys but still not nearly enough

so i had like three singing lines, right? all pretty far down in my vocal range but i was proud of myself for being able to do it

and one of those lines the girl 'brother' (who insisted on wearing makeup and a dress for the production) spoke immediately after me, so how it went in rehearsals and even the actual shows:

me: says line

her: physically like SHOVES me aside to be CENTER F-ING STAGE which we werent supposed to do and says her line in the most annoying enthusiastic falsetto ive ever heard, and her line was something about starving😭😭

and im a soprano, and i can go weirdly low for a soprano but WHAT I WOULDNT GIVE TO BE A TENOR

j would give up my left leg and also my spleen if it meant i could be a tenor

like most of my dream theater roles are guys

and i would be happy to play a gal's part!! but like

only if its on my terms? like if audition for a bunch of guy parts and maybe one girl part, and i get the girl part? like i get that casting a wholeass musical/play can be difficult with only so many peopl and even fewer guys, but youd think that the ratio of guys to girls(and others) would raise my chances of being a guy?

idk i have so many thoughts abt this

and the voice thing OMLLLLL

like literally any time i listen to one of my favorite actors speak im like 'sir can i B L E A SE HAVE YOUR VOICE'

or even just some of the guys ive interacted with in everyday life

like do you know how many times a cashier's voice has made me want to cry because its so deep/melodic/beautiful/masculine???

[chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky]

Also, I'm feeling a lot of Big Things™ after that episode, and so I'm just gonna write em down to get them out of my system. Under the cut as not to drive anyone insane.

The Good:

I love that Daniel was a manifestation of Buck's own insecurities. I thought they did it really cleverly, Margaret calling Daniel 'needy' and having everyone question his place all the time was Buck's own experience projected on another person. He, in turn, took the role of what I assume he thought how they would treat Daniel and how much they loved him.

DAD!BOBBY DAD!BOBBY DAD!BOBBY

The fact that they confirmed this that Bobby brought 'one child' into he and Athena's marriage had me SCREAMING and I LOVED Athena's scene with Buck and her ordering. Angela Basset you are such a legend

Chris telling Buck he needed to come back from wherever he is with Eddie crying in the background? 10/10, no splash, no notes, can you hear the shrieks from my grave

Chimney almost immediately believing Buck - I literally have no qualms with this because of COURSE

Hen being her true icon self no matter the reality, I love that Buck's subconsciousness was like 'nope, she can't be changed, she is perfect'

I loved the 'I'm feel really guilty about that' towards leaving Chris - same Buck same

Self-love: I love that he came back for himself, not because he needed to give pieces of himself away, but because he recognized that a messy, loving world is better than any fake perfection he could dream of

The Weird:

I'm sorry but drugged!Bobby was so strange to me. The way I'm making it make sense to me is that it's what someone who doesn't really know what an addict looks like and made up a cartoonish version of addition in their head. With the pills and the alcohol and the weird hoodie... Reminds me of those weird D.A.R.E. productions at school where they're like 'this is a Fire Captain! And this is a Fire Captain ON DRUGS' *ominous music here

The Bad:

I feel like two people had their hands on the script here: Someone who wants Buddie and someone who doesn't. And that's not to say any ill-intention, but I felt like there were very separated threads going on. Between Eddie being his first 'memory' to the second being the tsunami with Chris, it was like they were setting up the thread at which Eddie and Chris tether his life. And instead an overabundance of Buckley parent redemption? It was like 2 thoughts were going on simultaneously that I didn't quite understand. Look - I understand if Buddie doesn't happen, despite the writers having the making of an honest to god epic queer romance on a mainstream show (scream), but it felt so out of step with itself

As for the Buckleys... listen, I am all for forgiving people and learning to grow with them, but also I think it could be SO powerful to have a storyline when you realize that is not an option. That the healthier pick would be to say no, move on, and grow for the better without toxic people in your life. THAT is powerful to me. Eddie's story with his dad was so beautiful and organic and it makes sense for them. The Buckleys? I felt like the person in the theater shouting "GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE" to Buck because he's about to be pretty girl murdered by his fake family.

I feel like giving a popular character the capacity to be 'I forgive you, but your role in my life isn't necessary because I've outgrown you' is such a powerful statement and could genuinely help so many people in toxic situations. Giving them the strength to see someone realize their own worth, set boundaries, and be okay with that change. I'm going to take the Buddie of it all out of the equation to prevent any comments about 'shipper goggles,' and simply say sometimes walking away is powerful and enough.'

[allsassnoclass]

2, 6, 19, 24, 34, & 43 for the ask game? and good luck with nano! you've got this!!! -megs 💙

@igarbagecannoteven hi megs! thanks for stopping by! good luck to you as well!!!

2. What are you obsessed with right now? okay so i talked about cobra kai for taylor here and that's honestly the Big Obsession right now, but i'm always obsessed with the found family trope <3 also i'm still thinking of the production of romeo and juliet that i saw in the woods in august where my friend played juliet and most of the cast was trans and i think there was only one cishet person in the cast and romeo and juliet survived at the end. possibly one of my favorite theatrical productions i've ever seen and it was performed outside with three set pieces (a bench a ladder and a picture frame) for an at-will donation. i love live theater so much i love the human need to tell stories and imagination and things that make me cry!!!!

6. Describe your dream home. I also answered this one for taylor! copy/paste: "ooooo i’ve been thinking about this a lot because i’m trying my best to save for one but i fear it will never ever happen. anyway my friend and i are going to buy a house together when she moves here and we’ve been talking a bit but a big thing is that we need at least three bedrooms (one for me, one for her, one for a possible future foster child). we would also like a guest bedroom or a finished basement so we can host friends!!! in an ideal world, i would want a sun room, and i want either a large front room or a specific music room so i can have a grand piano!!!! yknow. if i ever win the lottery or get stupid rich and can afford one. the main bathroom should be blue. the kitchen should be yellow. in general, i don’t want white walls anywhere. actually if my friend lets me paint the kitchen cabinets i’m considering copying a different van gogh painting onto each of them because my friend also loves van gogh and that would make the kitchen very fun and unique. i am fully willing to go wild with the paint and some basic carpentry to make this house personalized to the both of us. i would also like a fenced-in back yard so that we can have a dog, and i would like a piece of stained glass somewhere (doesn’t need to be a full window, i know lots of houses do little stained glass pieces above the front door or something like that). mostly though i want the house to be full of love <3"

another thing to note! in an ideal world, the outside of the house would be yellow as well, and i would love a large garden but i am not a very garden-y person so that will be difficult to maintain

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to? nope! i really like my given name (although tbh i don't like that it's been gaining popularity in america in recent years lol i like being unique) and hazel suits me well enough for this fandom!

24. What are three places you want to travel? Venice, Italy!!!! that's the big one. my family read the thief lord when i was little and i've wanted to go ever since. I would also really like to return to Vienna, Austria!!! i absolutely fell in love when i went for a may term during college. i would've moved there if i spoke German. and i would also like to visit Boston, simply because it's a plan that me and my two friends have had for a while and i want to make those memories with them

34. What’s your coffee order? i do not drink coffee! if i'm at a coffee shop, i'll order either a hot chocolate, a smoothie, or (if at starbucks) whichever frappuccino has a lot of chocolate instead of coffee in it

43. What’s your guilty pleasure? i would say a lot of cringe media. i do get genuinely embarrassed about enjoying objectively bad shows/movies, even though i try not to and some of them aren't even bad i'm just scared of people judging me so i preemptively insult them. anyway this is specifically about the young and the restless, hsmtmts, cobra kai, and the disney's zombies movies. disney's zombies is probably the biggest one that would fit the "guilty pleasure" label i absolutely LOVE that franchise everyone commits so hard and the dancing is great and it's so fun but i always listen to the songs on youtube because i don't want anyone to judge me for listening to them on spotify lol

[barkingangelbaby]

quick someone tell me the symbolism of getting bitten on the wrist by cats and birds in ur dream

genuinely so confused at this one.. I kept feeling physical and psychological pain from this dream lol

I dont really remember much of it. I had a place that i didn't recognize (very square, mostly white counters, a big farmhouse sink, sheer white curtains on the windows, I believe some dark green trim in the room) & this big white/gray tabby cat slinks in from one of the windows. I love cats so I was excited to see it. then it latched onto my wrist and wouldn't let go. I was able to scruff it and pull it off of me, trying to shoo it away but it didnt leave. this happened a few more times

I went to a dr appt with my sister & a park. I was so disturbed by the cat that I forgot a lot of things (including pants). when we were in the park these gaggles of birds kept dive bombing me and nipping at my wrists. a few got my skin in their beaks and wouldn't let go, one even said (in that creepy way birds talk) that it wasn't allowed to let go or something. I don't remember how I got out, but I did.

we keep walking & are close to my place when I realize I cant feel my purse on me anymore. no idea where it is. I'm anxious bc i don't want to get attacked again. suddenly it's back on my person

we get inside and then sink had been on and flooded the place. I moved the handles so it was off but it kept pouring out water. I ended up going under the sink and turning the water access off, but while I was doing that the gray tabby had slinked back in. a white owl also came in at this point and got my othr wrist in its beak while the cat was biting me again

then it changed to me watching tv with n, it was drag race & they were doing the comedy show maxi challenge- ally beardsley was on it?? and willam belli, they were gonna play trans women on a dating show or something. it very quickly turned into a mockery and felt like such a fuck you.. n started crying and told me to turn it off

then I was visiting my friend & their bathtub was pure white tile with three white wire shelves on the wall. it was stocked with all these products in cardboard boxes, but they didnt disintegrate when water touched them. I tried to sleep in there ??

anyway. I could physically feel my skin being pulled by these animals the entire dream & some even broke my skin

I just fell asleep again and had a dream that N's grandma needed to go to a nursing home??? I was hugging her and she told me she's going to the same place her husband went.. "the blue hospital is awful good".. I was just holding her and cradling her head ?

anyway. iv3 been nodding off this whole post I'm gonna try to sleep again n hope for no more dreams

[celestialsky198]

it seems i have rather unexpectedly stumbled on to the Shakespeare side of tumblr, a surprise that, while not what i originally intended for my dashboard, is nonetheless absolutely delightful. a particularly popular play appears to be romeo and juliet. however, i have (regrettably) not read or seen a production of romeo and juliet. thus, my good gentlefolk, i am here today to present, for your viewing pleasure, what i think mercutio, romeo and benvolio are like, as informed by tumblr memes. i hope you enjoy my fever dream of a presentation on the gloriously nicknamed montacrew.

mercutio:

- extremely dramatic, to the point of sacrificing his own safety for the aesthetic

- possesses little to no sense of danger

- gayyyy

- sticking around for the DramaTM

- prankster

- would speak purely in memes if social media existed when the play was set and would have held a funeral complete with an elaborate mourners procession and a gravestone for vine when it eventually lost relevance

- is one of the main sources of comedy - minute he dies the whole show hurtles way way faster to the train wreck of a tragedy it will eventually become

- no braincells. there’s nothing but dust and a few pebbles rattling around in his head

- tipsy half the time, however it’s almost impossible to tell the times when he is and the times when he isn’t apart because he’s just Like That normally

- LOUD

- bad at expressing his emotions but genuinely quite sweet when he can get his words out properly

- theatre kid but cannot sing for the life of him

- this doesn’t stop him tho

- feral

- if he has a problem it is not his for very long as it very quickly becomes EVERYONE’S problem

- the biggest flirt you’ve ever seen in your life

- very excitable, sort of like caffeine if it were a person and made poor life decisions

- poofy sleeves

- petty crime

benvolio:

- level head (kinda)

- he has more than one brain cell which admittedly isn’t a lot but it’s millions better than the other two

- so so tired

- tries to keep the other two in check and out of trouble but is becoming slowly more feral due to exposure

- dumbass in training if you will

- also a silly and a prankster but feigns reluctance bc he (sort of) has a reputation to think of

- mercutio on the other hand has no reputation other than being ridiculous and thus has nothing to lose

- deathly loyal and very supportive of his friends even if it’s kinda their fault that they’re in trouble

- boy has been through some next level suffering, he is not okay, someone get him some therapy and maybe a hug

- lots of deadpan humour

- dating mercutio

- probably deserves better he’s seen some stuff

- gays are never happy :(

- confident, fairly easygoing but has limits you don’t cross

- with him you joke until he gives you The Look and then you shut up quick

- dog person

- possible clairvoyance?? i don’t make the rules

romeo:

- feelings!!!

- will cry. just in general. about anything.

- impulsive as heck

- big romantic, the ‘sighs dreamily’ type

- simply does not Think, at anytime

- this means he can screw up sometimes and be a bit of a jerk but he means well

- he does not jump to conclusions he hurtles towards them at 200mph

- sad often

- anytime he appears on the scene things escalate

- *slight air of tension but generally quiet* *romeo appears* *all hell breaks loose*

- optimist but easily disappointed

- prankster also

- they all joke around to be honest

- unearned confidence

- refuses to listen to any and all authority

- a little gullible but we don’t hold that against him

- just an ongoing, never ending crisis as opposed to a midlife crisis

- a hot mess

- doesn’t really comprehend such fabled things as Consequences or Repercussions and his primary motivation for things is almost always ‘it looked like a fun time’

- he’s a laugh and fun to be around but don’t trust him with anything

- kinda like a golden retriever but somehow more reckless

[get-shiggy-with-it]

Oh I just got hit so hard with Professor!Compress brainrot. Yes I’m still on my college au bullshit okay I know.  But I need to get it out of my head so here ya go:

18+ Minors DNI

Word Count: 1k

Pairing: Professor!Compress x Gender Neutral!reader

Warnings: professor/student dynamics, mild innocence kink, smut, alcohol mention, power dynamic play

He’s teaching in the theater department, or something similarly arts related. One of those weirdly eccentric profs who’s so painfully handsome despite how strange and unreadable he seems in classes.

Professor Sako would absolutely be the type to enjoy having a drink with some of the students he’s closer with, especially if they’re participating in some of the shows he directs or he’s helping advise them on their own thesis work. Genuinely really likes to listen when you info-dump about your favorite playwright/author/artists etc... He just finds it incredibly attractive to have intelligent conversation about your shared interests.

Also it gives him an excuse to see your face all lit up and so excited that your favorite award-winning prof is showing an interest in you.

He gets drunk more off that light of adoration in your eyes than he does the wine.

Atsuhiro will find himself seeking you out in his auditorium classes, calling on you more and more often to come up on stage and help demonstrate—even if this isn’t your major or field of study, even if you’re just here for the easy credit, he’s rapidly starting to view you as a muse of sorts.  

Not just because you’re attractive—god knows you are though—but you have substance. There are complexities to you that make you so fascinating to him and like any good professor, he wants to help you realize them. Bring them to fruition. He sees your potential, that’s all.

Potential to be molded into something perfect for him.

He’ll send you innocent emails, asking you to stop by during his office hours and canceling any other appointments all under the guise of advising your class work. It’s inconsequential if you both end up on the small sofa he keeps that makes the secluded room feel more comfortable, door closed and legs pressed close together as you open up to him about all the creative ventures you’ve thought of but were always too scared to pursue.

There’s no money in art. Why major in a hobby? You have to be a genius to get noticed.  

Atsu is so kind, so understanding, so supportive of you when clearly everyone else in your life has begged you to give up on your dreams.

It doesn’t even matter if he truly believes you posses the skills to succeed. Because he’ll craft them for you, he’d do whatever it takes to make sure that bright, unwavering, absolute adoration never leaves your eyes when you look at him.

He decides then that he has to be the only one you’ll ever look at that way. 

And if he convinces you to audition for the debut of his newest passion product—one he’d started in secret the moment you stumbled through his classroom doors, so lost and begging for him to pull you from the tempest of scrambling student bodies. 

Pleading with your eyes for talented, wonderful Professor Sako to scoop you up and make a masterpiece of you. 

You’ll be a stunning lead, he tells you, and he knows your apprehensive. 

So many other far more qualified students are fighting tooth and nail for the chance to perform under Atsuhiro Sako’s direction, and he understands your anxieties. 

But he doesn’t tell you how completely unfounded they are. Doesn’t tell you that the leading role is you. Was always meant to be you. Because he wrote it for you. No, he wants you to think you got here on your own when the cast list is sent around and you come crying into his office to throw yourself rather unprofessionally into his arms. 

Words of thanks and praise fall so easily from your lips, he just can’t help the smirk that forms on his. 

And it’s the same smirk he wears when he fucks you so sweetly on the prop room couch after rehearsal that first night. You’re so pliant and willing under him, so full of devotion to this man who’s handed you your dreams on a plate. It doesn’t matter that someone might creep back into the theater late and discover you or that the ghost light which illuminates the stage has him thinking that the spirits who come to perform for the empty rows of seats might watch instead. Might become an undead voyeurs to your coupling, might applaud as he pulls gorgeous sounds from you underneath him. 

He’s an actor at heart. 

He has always thrived with an audience. 

It’s delicious, he thinks. And when he tastes you again in his office the week after that, buried between your legs as you lean on his desk--it’s even more divine than he could have imagined. 

He never lets you go after he’s gotten started and sweet, innocent you is swept along for the ride of your life. 

Suddenly you find yourself at his apartment after Friday night rehearsals—he prefers to give you his notes in private, of course. And you just keep forgetting those lovely lines he’s written just for you. 

It’s late into the night but he isn’t going to stop, not until every word is burned into your memory—just like the feeling of his cock mercilessly pumping into you. Script in one hand and your abused nipple in the other, Atsuhiro has you nicely laid up in his bed, legs around his waist as he rolls hips into you while you run scenes with him. His pace is slow enough to keep you just on the edge, thrusting sharply whenever you get a line wrong. He steels himself, remains outwardly unaffected while he fucks you until you’re so incoherent the only words he can wring from those perfect lips are:

Atsuhiro, please, let me cum...

And he does, because you’ve earned it. Been so good for him. 

He tosses the script aside and pounds into your heat and tangles your tongues together and losses himself in that look of worship on your face as you come undone.

And then he’ll do it all over again, because it’s his job to teach you, to perfect you. 

You’re his star and his work of art—his vision come to life. 

Molded carefully for him. 

Only for him. 

[reginaofdoctorwho]

if anyone wants to recommend musicals to me I would fucking adore that. Until then, here are some suggestions:

Love in Hate Nation-- LET’S GO LESBIANS! 1960s sapphic love story taking place in a girls’ reformatory. Also, trans girl played by trans actress!!! Some of the amazing songs are “I Hope” and “Oh Well”. Susannah Son wants to be a singer, her performative activist boyfriend is gross and also wants her to marry him so he’ll have better options politically. Sheila Nail is so fucking cool and I love everyone in this. My brain cuts out about this I’m so sorry babes. There is not a cast recording but there IS an original cast bootleg on youtube.

Holy Musical B@man!-- If you liked the goofiness of 1960s Batman and Robin, but think “man, these guys should’ve been able to swear! And also should have had a candy themed villain!” this is the musical for you. Also if you’ve heard of the very queer Harry Potter musical that JK herself tried to sue over, it’s made by the same group <3. As usual with Team Starkid, whole thing is up for free on youtube by the creators.

Firebringer-- Speaking of the same group... Cave people sapphics who I think are bi or pan. I love them and they’re all so dumb. Also, if you’ve seen the “I don’t really wanna do the work today” vine, that comes from this. I do not remember any of the second half other than one of them taking the ring the other is proposing with... to propose. And the “*blows kiss*” “fuck no, Zazz” “duly noted”. Kind of like a shitpost musical. Once again, free by creators. Actually, check out any of their musicals.

The Prom-- In Indiana, Emma just wants to take her girlfriend to the prom, and in response, the PTA cancels it. With some help from some broadway actors looking for good publicity, they manage to pull it off. So, to summarize, teen lesbian gets gay uncle who knows what she’s going through!! This musical makes me cry every goddamn time. There is a movie now, and I’m very happy about that because *high profile gay rep on netflix*, but I personally did not like the direction they took with it. They put a weird amount of emphasis on biological rather than found family in the movie, and were a little too forgiving when it came to trauma from family for being gay. Also, they took away Emma being butch. This was sadly (loosely) based on a recent true story from I think 2012. Also, was the first gay kiss in the Macy’s parade. You know those movie musicals the straight girls in theater like? The music is similar, but gayer, and for some reason that makes me so fuckng happy. I think it’s because non-queer people have had musicals for so long, and those normally have a 60s vibe, and the music in this does too and it feels more classic?? Sapphic promposal song (het at the beginning). “Unruly Heart” and the end of Act 1 will break you. Please ignore the bad wigs.

Spies Are Forever-- GAY SPIES GAY SPIES GAY SPIES!! Curt Mega (played by... Curt Mega) lost his partner Owen during a mission. Now, he’s just trying to get back into spying like Owen would want. I fucking weep every time. Also, a song about comphet (at 6:36)!! And here is a video essay on how it relates to the Lavender Scare. I want you all to know that everyone also headcanons the femme fatale spy in it as either a lesbian or aroace, which uh, makes sense. Also high quality videos put up by creators. They had Jewish people making fun of Nazis while writing this, but “Not so Bad” is... kinda bad. “Torture Tango” has so much goddamn sexual tension and becomes devastating.

Hadestown--  If you know the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, it’s like that, except capitalism part 1. Orpheus is a poor musician, Eurydice dies, just like the myth. Except, the Great Depression post-apocalyptic setting that works better than it probably should. There are actually 3 soundtracks: the concept album, off-Broadway, and Broadway. I personally don’t like the concept album purely based on vibe. Off-Broadway has an absolutely gorgeous sounding Orpheus, and if you’ve heard of the disaster that was Spiderman: Turn Out the Dark, then you’ve heard of surprisingly amazing Broadway Orpheus Reeve Carney. The Fates are gorgeous and I’ve decided they’re queer. Tony’s performance link here. Explores relationships, with Hades and Persephone’s aging relationship mirrored by Orpheus and Eurydice’s relatively new one. Anyway, unionize.

Jasper in Deadland-- If you know the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, it’s like that, except capitalism part 2. Jasper is a teen who’s best friend Agnes is pretty much the one good thing left in his life. His mom left, he got kicked off the swim team (he’s manic pixie dream boy in this, especially for swimming), and Agnes dies at the beginning trying to show Jasper that she’s brave and he should be too. So, he bravely ventures into Deadland to find her, meeting Gretchen the tour guide along the way. He also finds out that since he’s still living, he can bring memories back to the dead. Songs like “Stroke by Stroke” (he’s uh, definitely a teen, guys) and “Living Dead” (I shared a prinxiety animatic of that on here a while ago).They blend Greek, Norse, Egyptian, Christian, and whatever Dante’s Inferno counts as together to create Deadland. Story’s kinda hard to follow from the soundtrack, so if u wanna learn how it all ties together message me.

Death Note Musical-- Okay babes, here’s where it gets tough. It was written originally in English, and there is a spectacular English concept album, but the only productions have been in South Korea, Japan, and I think Taiwan. Listen to it anyways, find a bootleg of it with english subtitles. It has so much gay tension and also a truly ethereal character who seems to be a lesbian who is also either demisexual or demiromantic. If any of y’all saw the anime like me, it kind of cuts out the arc after episode 26. I personally thought it was actually a better story for it.

Alice by Heart-- Okay, this one makes me fucking cry every goddamn time. In WW2, these poor goddamn kids are all alone in the Tube System (is that what y’all call it? genuinely asking here) with none of their parents but still some grownups. Alice’s best friend Alfred is dying of tuberculosis, and to try to have one last thing together they start reading Alice in Wonderland, only for Nurse Hart to rip it apart to try to separate healthy Alice from dying-from-TB Alfred. It doesn’t work, and Alice proclaims she “knows it all by heart”, She tries to linger in the story with Alfred to have more time with him, he keeps trying to move it along because he’s dying and wants to finish it one last time. Themes are growing up and grief I guess.

Last I checked, there is a bootleg for all of these on youtube. Have fun!

[katzkinder]

London Bridge Is Falling Down

Envy Pair version of my Counting Sheep series! Himiko is my headcanon for the name of Mikuni's mother. Since Mikuni's name contains the character for "kingdom," I thought this name belonging to an ancient queen suited his mother well.

Mikuni is annoying.

That’s something Jeje has always known, ever since Mikuni was a child, ever since the first time he saw him, bounding around his mother’s skirts and throwing himself into Lily’s arms to be held and cuddled and fawned over while Jeje had slunk back to the cellars. Himiko had been so bright, back then, the rot of Envy not yet showing in a visible way, that tiny baby that would grow into his brother’s Eve gurgling happily in her arms.

Jeje was the one who had found him. Himiko had wept when she saw him, all the anger and hate leaving her at once, vanishing as if it never existed when she laid her eyes on the fragile little bundle, swaddled in soft fabrics with little gloves on his impossibly tiny hands. She had sobbed all the harder when she took the crying child from him, her hands shaking while she cradled him close, useless apologies spilling from her pretty lips. The body of the babe’s mother had rapidly been growing cold on the carpet, and little Misono… Would remember none of it.

(Jeje remembered all of it, though. He doesn’t think a single moment will ever fade from his mind, no matter how many eons pass)

As Mikuni had grown, with Jeje watching over him as a silent, imposing, guardian angel, always behind the boy’s mother while she had read bedtime stories to him, always so aware of those bright, bright, too bright eyes, Jeje had also become aware of a number of other things, and those things remained true into adulthood. Mikuni has all of his mother’s gorgeous looks (and some from his father, but admitting as such is just asking to be choked), her stubborn brightness, her sharp tongue and wit, but more than any of that...

Mikuni is annoying.

...Because he never listens to what’s good for him. Just like his mother before him, he had taken Jeje despite his warnings, and some bitter, sick part of Jeje had wanted him to. The same part of him that had given in to Himiko herself.

But, well, he’d always known Mikuni never listened, too.

He wonders if Lily knows, though he doubts that he’s aware, of those golden afternoons when Mikuni would sneak down to his hiding place and find him lurking near the boilers, the excited, terrified whispers of Lily’s children, his human children, chasing after the young heir as he confidently hopped down, step by step, into the “monster’s” lair.

They had talked. About nothing. About everything. Well, actually, Mikuni had talked, seemingly not caring that Jeje never said much back, incredible and beautiful and… Well, there was a reason everyone called Mikuni brilliant.

Jeje knew better, though.

***

The most annoying thing about Mikuni, in his opinion, is not how loud he is. It’s not his contrariness, or his capriciousness, or his constant, gnawing curiosity causing him to make mischief.

The most annoying thing about Mikuni was how badly he wanted people to think he was naturally good at everything.

See, Mikuni was smart. Jeje would give him that. But he was also very stupid. It wasn’t as if he lacked common sense, though sometimes Jeje wondered, but it was like Mikuni wanted people to resent him.

More than anyone Jeje had ever met, his Eve was a hard worker. Someone who hated owing others a single damn thing. It was that useless pride and sense of responsibility for things that couldn’t possibly be Mikuni’s fault, things Jeje suspected, no matter how much he denied it, Mikuni had learned, had internalized, from his father and from Lily, that was why Jeje refused to call Mikuni brilliant like everyone else.

...But he did shine. Like a candle in a darkened room. Like a beacon. Warm, and inviting, someone to warm himself beside, even knowing that that flame would burn him up, just like a moth.

The question was... Who would that flame melt into nothing first?

Jeje would be damned twice over if he let it be his Eve.

Turning away from way he had been watching the other man work late hours, hunched over Nod’s ledgers and planners and Mikuni’s own personal notebooks, where his pen scratched across the surfaces of each calculating profits, expenses, bills, new products and designs and promotions and planning trips, Jeje silently makes his way to their kitchen.

Burning the midnight oil just means you won’t have any left when you truly need it.

A snort, reaching for their cabinets. Of course, that’s what Mikuni had him for.

***

He’s gotten very good at brewing tea. Jeje isn’t much of a chef at all, but living with Mikuni for so long, it was practically guaranteed he’d learn to at least make a semi-decent cup, and thank god he had. He would have truly killed Mikuni by now if he hadn’t, he swears, the man is just as persnickety about his tea as Lily is with his coffee.

...He’s also gained a new appreciation for the stuff, but maybe that comes with the territory of spending hours upon hours listening to Mikuni’s one sided argument about the best ways to drink it. It’s hard not to be impressed with all the little details that goes into brewing what’s considered a perfect cup (by Mikuni’s standards, anyway), and even harder still to not feel a fondness for something that draws such genuine passion out of his once charge, now equal.

...It’s such an odd thought. He knows what people think. That Mikuni has always had a stranglehold on him. That Mikuni has always been in charge. That Mikuni has always been someone… Grown up.

Again. Jeje knows better.

He sets the temperature on their electric kettle, one purchased on one of their many visits to the British Isles, sits at their kitchen table, and waits. Thinks.

Mikuni has been grown up for a long time now. And he will continue to grow, and people will continue to think, no matter Jeje’s efforts, that he is a no good, conniving schemer who would sacrifice them all on a wish and a prayer and something like a maybe.

And, well, perhaps they aren’t wrong. Perhaps Jeje is a fool. But if he’s a fool, he’s a court jester, and as court jester he will make absolutely certain this time that the king does not make his mistakes without someone there to make fun of him for it, even if only behind closed doors, even if only between the two of them.

To everyone else, he is a dictator’s executioner, and that’s fine with him. Everyone else doesn’t matter.

His eyes drift to Mikuni’s favorite cup, one made of glass and painted with delicate, swooping strokes of gold, with lilies and a taupe lacquer surrounding all but a window through which one could admire the lovely colors of their favored drink. He takes it into his hands, so much larger than this tiny cup, and finds himself smiling as he turns the joint birthday gift from the Lust pair over and around, admires those intricate, fancy details that speak of quality and knowing down to the letter exactly what Mikuni’s tastes are.

Well.

Almost everyone.

***

The teapot has been warmed, the kettle filled with mineral water and piping hot, and by the time Jeje finishes steeping the loose leaf tea, their little kitchen clock, kitschy and cute and shaped like a cartoon chicken hatching from an egg, reads 2:17 in the morning.

Jeje picks up the cup, the container of melatonin supplements Mikuni has taken since he was twenty at his Servamp’s behest, and carefully carries both back to where he knows the other man will still be completely absorbed in his work.

True to form, Mikuni is still at it. The predictability of his late night, sleepless habits, of his need to do something with his time, makes Jeje’s frown deepen, ever so slightly.

He wishes Mikuni would just rest. Close his eyes, not do anything, just lie there and let Jeje guard him, just be still, be quiet, like did when he was a child.

… He knows better than to think a mind as stubborn and that moves as fast as his Eve’s could ever achieve that, but he can dream. He can also just sicc the Lust pair on him.

That’ll put him to bed real fast.

“What’re you grinning about over there?”

He startles, not having expected Mikuni to acknowledge his presence, and nearly sloshes hot chamomile with lavender onto the pretty little matching saucer that accompanied the cup. It’s a miracle it didn’t fall over completely. Jeje lets out a breath, so quiet it’s inaudible, and curses himself for forgetting that Mikuni can see him right now.

Then again, even if he was wearing his mask, Mikuni would have seen right through him.

He always does.

His Eve is watching him still, waiting for him to move, and then his eyes flick down to what Jeje has in his hands. His lips twist.

Jeje ignores it and continues to make his way over to where Mikuni had been peacefully working. They don’t speak a word to one another, and no sooner than Jeje sets his cargo down, he’s going back the way he came, knowing it’s useless to try and ply Mikuni with words or favors.

The man is annoying in his stubbornness, too.

He hears a sniff behind him, the scratch of pen on paper once more, but it isn’t long before that little noise stops again. A sigh. Jeje chances peering around the doorframe, smiling, just a tad, as a clearly frustrated Mikuni slaps his pen down onto the counter and picks up his cup, no doubt tempted by the smell of his favorite night time blend.

A swallow. Two.

Mikuni unscrews the lid on the melatonin gummies. Pops a couple into his mouth. Chews, and swallows. The tension leaves his shoulders. He allows himself to savor the warmth in his hands.

Jeje leaves him be and heads upstairs to their room, knowing Mikuni now won’t be far behind.

“Jeje,” Mikuni calls after him, voice soft in that way it sometimes, ever so rarely gets, so quiet Jeje almost misses it. “... You still really suck at this.”

Mikuni is annoying.

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.