#i will get anxious thinking I'm missing out

[dolliethv]

Bad idea.

summary: English is not my first language, so if you notice any mistakes I'm sorry!! You think this is a damn bad idea, but stupid Jude Bellingham makes you fall into his trap. It's not such a bad idea tho...

Pairing: Jude Bellingham x fem reader!!

Word count: about 2,8k

It was a warm summer night, the moon shining brightly in the sky, bathing your room in a soft silver glow. You still lived at your parents' house because it was actually comfortable for you since you were in your second year at university.

Your mind was filled with thoughts of Jude Bellingham, the young footballer who had captured your attention since the first day you met.

You with your long brown hair spread out on the pillow and your big eyes closed as, with headphones, you listened to the soft music emanating from your phone. Suddenly, the sound of a notification broke the silence. You turned, anxious, and looked at the screen. It was a text from Jude.

Jude: Are you awake? Come to the window, I have a surprise for you.

Your heart raced. You had been playing tug-of-war for weeks, a seductive dance filled with flirtations and barely contained tensions. But what intrigued you the most was that Jude knew exactly how to tease you—damn bastard.— You got out of bed, your movements filled with nervousness and excitement, you didn't want to admit it out loud.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, your hair was a bit messy, you were dressed in little white cotton shorts, and a long sleeved t-shirt that had a little lace along the neck. —I'm not getting ready for this idiot— you thought.

You walked over to the window and opened the curtain.

Jude was there, leaning against his car—not very discreetly—, a mischievous smile on his face. His eyes sparkled with a mix of defiance and mischief. You bit your lip, feeling a surge of desire. You felt caught between the excitement of seeing him and the fear of what that meant.

"Couldn't you wait until tomorrow? —you asked, trying to hide your excitement.

"And miss the chance to see you? “I wouldn't do it for the world,” Jude replied, his voice soft but heavy with innuendo. He moved closer to the window, the night air accentuating the tension between them.

“You know this is a bad idea,” you said, although the way your heart was beating in your chest said otherwise.

“Why?” he asked, arching an eyebrow. “Because there are rules we shouldn't break? We’ve always been good at breaking them.”

You crossed your arms, although you knew that gesture only accentuated your figure and your breasts. Jude watched you, his gaze scanning every detail, as if memorizing your essence. It was a battle of wills, and you were enjoying every second of it.

“I don't want you to get into trouble because of me.” Your voice sounded softer, as if fear was starting to mix with desire.

“Don't worry about me.” His smile widened. “I'm used to trouble. Besides, I think you and I have some issues to sort out."

You felt an electric current run through your body. They had argued many times about their relationship, a push and pull of conflicting feelings, and every time they got close, the tension was palpable. Jude always knew how to push your boundaries, how to make you feel alive.

“I don't know if we should…” you started to say, but Jude cut you off.

“Should we what? “Ignore the attraction between us?” he said. His voice was a soft whisper that vibrated with seduction.

“It's not just about that…” you blurred out, feeling caught between desire and reason.

“What if I told you I’ve been thinking about you all night?” Jude said, his tone defiant.

You felt a chill run down your spine. The way Jude looked at you, as if he could see past your skin, made your defenses melt. Despite your logic, the part of you that wanted to venture into the abyss grew stronger and stronger.

“It could be a mistake…” you mumbled, feeling like you were about to fall into an abyss.

“A mistake or an opportunity?” he asked. You could see every nuance of his expression, the way his lips curved into a flirtatious smile. “It's time we stopped thinking so much.”

You closed your eyes for a moment, fighting your thoughts to stop spinning and open the damn door to Jude. It was easy to get carried away by the connection you shared, but doubt assailed you. What if this wasn't just a game for Jude? However, the excitement of the unknown pushed you towards him.

“You have to promise me that you won't leave me in the lurch if this gets complicated,” you said, your eyes fixed on his, searching for sincerity.

“I promise, but…” Jude said, his tone of voice changing to a more serious one. “If I leave you, it will be because you walk away first.”

A nervous laugh escaped your lips. “Always making it personal.”

“The personal is what makes this exciting,” Jude replied, his voice like a seductive siren song.

Finally, curiosity and longing won out. You took a deep breath and, putting aside your doubts, decided to open the door. Jude smiled widely as he entered your house, the difference in size very noticeable. The night promised to be much more than just a simple encounter.

Both went up to the room in silence, because your parents were a few rooms away from yours.

You locked the door, turned around, and Jude pinned you against the door, letting out all the lust you had both been holding back.

You closed your eyes, giving in to the feeling of Jude's mouth moving along your skin, placing a kiss in the hollow of your neck before moving on to your other collarbone.

You were having a hard time suppressing your needs. You and Jude had sex frequently, but right now he felt so eager, like he had been deprived of it for years.

You caught his own lips between your teeth, feeling the hairs on his neck stand up. Your body was on alert, just hoping your parents hadn't heard all that commotion.

Jude lifted you up with ease as he continued to kiss you, and placed you on your bed.

On top of you was the man who had caused your world to turn upside down, burying his fat cock in your exposed thighs and marking your neck as he pleased.

With a series of kisses Jude reached your breasts, where he joined his lips with your left pink nipple, grabbing your waist at the same time, obviously prepared for the reaction he would have.

And his grip worked perfectly, holding you while you tried to lift your hips and fuck in the air between Jude's big legs.

Oh, this is something you would never admit out loud, but you loved Jude restricting your movements. It drove you crazy to see how strong and big he was, how easily he could hold you down, immobilize your arms and cage your body with his.

Bellingham went back and forth between your tits, sucking them into his mouth, making you gasp and squirm beneath him, eager to feel more of his touch.

"All I can think of is ways to make you squirm and shake." The dark-skinned boy said.

You weren't able to give a proper response because the boy was in the process of doing exactly what he said - making you squirm and shake.

"Jude, we shouldn't" You said.

"Yeah, I know we shouldn't, baby but, we will."

Fuck everything. You didn't want him to stop.

"When my hands get tired..." Jude started again.

He slid his lips down, leaving small kisses along the way.

"I'll use my tongue."

Your hips bucked slightly at the implication. You knew Bellingham's hands didn't tire easily.

"When my tongue gets tired..."

He kissed your stomach.

"I'll use my dick."

Shit.

A series of desperate sighs left your mouth, getting louder when Jude moved so that his chest was pressed against your cunt.

"And when I can't use my body anymore..."

He dragged one of his large hands between your thighs, reaching under the tiny shorts you wore, beginning to caress your pussy over the panties, making it drip onto the fabric.

"Let's just say I can think of plenty of ways to make you beg without moving a single inch."

Your entire body spasmed with desire. You began to receive light touches on your clit despite your longing for him to put two fingers inside you, jerking you hard and roughly.

“Please,” you moaned high and needy. “Please, Jude.”

The aforementioned hummed in approval and, using only his thumb, began to rub your clit without any cloth in between, that simple action causing you to get much wetter than you usually did.

“You’re quite sensitive.” He murmured, digging his thumb into your clit and squeezing it, making you cry out. “It would hurt. A lot.”

Flashbacks of your first time together reappeared in your head. You had three orgasms that night and each and every one of them made him more sensitive than the last.

“Does that feel good, baby?” he said, as he began to put two fingers into your wet pussy. You moaned loudly, you couldn't stand it.

Jude covered your mouth with one hand, fucking you with his long, big fingers, your moans muffled against his palm. With his remaining hand he caressed your curves.

He saw your eyes roll back, growling as he made another few short thrusts with his fingers, much softer than the previous ones, but just as accurate. His goal was to drive you crazy.

Sweat bathed their bodies, the smell of sex filled the room.

Your tears wet Jude's hand.

Your legs tightened from overexcitement. Jude continued to fuck you with his fingers, speeding up and slowing down, the watery sound of your fluids being heard in the process. Jude slid his mouth down to your marked neck, licking and biting everything in his path, claiming you once again as his. Only his.

You tried not to moan for real, but you couldn't do anything about it when fucking Jude Bellingham was manhandling your little pussy with his fingers.

"Shh baby, you don't want to wake your parents, do you?" He said playfully, you glared at him, giving him a slap on his bare chest.

Jude pulled his fingers away after having prepared you.

He positioned himself between your shaking legs and pulled out his big fat cock. He rested his arms on either side of your head to keep from crushing you.

He thrust hard, moaning into your mouth, tilting your heads to deepen the kiss, tangling your tongues, creating a loud and obscene battle.

Did you regret what you were doing? Shit, of course not. Your body was happy, he was happy, he felt alive with the shaking blond underneath him.

The back of the bed lightly hit the wall of the room, both enjoying the moment, burning in those flames of pleasure and excitement, falling again into temptation.

They separated more agitated than before, a thread of saliva joining their swollen mouths.

"Baby I want more, could you give it to me?" you begged, your pussy ached, you needed to come "please, could you do that for me?…"

Jude let out a growl, taking you in his arms, getting up from the bed. Bumping your back against the nearest wall, he heard you gasp at the change in temperature.

And as he chastely kissed your lips he proudly raised his hips, entering and removing his big cock from your pussy.

He wanted to stay there until he died.

Your insides were so warm and tight. Like paradise. A paradise for his cock.

"You like me fucking you while you risk your parents hearing you, huh?" The dark-skinned boy said. He brought his hands to your round ass cheeks, your skin soft against his rough palms. He let out a loud smack that echoed throughout the room. —damn self-centered ass— you thought.

You tried —really tried— to moan lowly, but it was impossible, letting out high-pitched moans, naming that tall, robust man, so manly that his legs shook and he acted like a little girl in love.

You both came moaning loudly. Jude's heavy balls slammed into you, he sighed as he felt his cum fill every corner of you. He felt you tremble even more against his body.

While you whimpered and purred like a kitten when the older man began to move, this time softly, but to try to make sure no drop escaped. Your breasts caressed each other due to your labored breathing. Oh god, it had been fantastic.

"Forget about it, yeah, forget about him, yeah, forget about me"

[solar-sunnyside-up]

Hey, I’m sorry to dump this on ya but your blog gives me a lotta hope and I just wondered if you had anything to say to my current ails- I am but a very anxious teen and I am so scared. I see so many people talking of how the world “Will end in 2040” or how “damn the past was so much better because it was simpler” and I am lowkey starting to believe that. I’ve got a problem with romanticizing a past I wasn’t even a part of and I really don’t want to live in some awful dystopian future and I fear I’ve missed out on so much because of when I was born :( and how come no one can afford basic shit anymore? I don’t wanna have no money at all! I really would like to be happy in the future but with all the bullshit caused by social media and the lack of money it seems bleak. I’m sorry that this is such a negative ask but I am not doing so hot and was hoping you’d have an insight ? Don’t respond if you don’t wanna

Hey ya there sprout 🌱 it can be really tough out there!

Your feelings are valid, so valid in fact that those exact feelings are why Solarpunk as it currently exists is around! We've all been there!

Between the wages of the top 10% of ppl vs everyone else being greater then during the French revolution, the average citizen globally being worse off then when the great depression was happening, climate crisis after crisis, all while consuming endless bits of info both horrifying (ex Politics) and hopeful (ex Social Media activism) it's waaaay too much for anyone to bare alone! Much less constantly! That burden shouldn't be on any of us!! But since it is, I'm here to help at least lighten the load even if temporary.

The best thing to do when we feel like this is to stop. Find 5 minutes to be still. We are fight/flight/fawn creatures and we will only loop in our solutions without actual clear choices if we don't Chill Out. We're mammals our natural state is Chilling Out and Play.

Next, think about how cool the planet is and particularly how cool humans are?

How there's finger flutes on ceilings thousands of years old, smaller then average indicating that parents held their children up to draw on the ceilings.

Think about the invention of looms and spinning fibers! What other creature could do that? Think about the kids that could build Snowmans without aching fingers because of lovingly knit mittens.

We sing like whales do, like birds do, like wolves do, and we do it to share stories and ideas over food! It is the first things babies mimic! We have songs so old we no longer know their origin just that they came from love! We even have songs to herd cattle meaning music transcends just us but bleeds into our relationships with the planet!

That we have play behavior! Just like wolves and foxes and whales and octopus it is so built into our DNA to play its generally how we learn things! This ranges from agriculture (children tossing seeds around, blowing on dandelions!) To chores (parachute games > folding laundry, playing pretend > usually chores/job based) to hunting (tag! Hide and seek!)

Think about our interconnectiveness with the planet too, how we are guided by Honey guides to find abandoned hives to share in the spoils of bread and honey. How Sweetgrass needs us to flourish, how berries and nuts need us to spread across the land, how we fix other animals broken bones and beaks and help them return home when otherwise they wouldn't ever get home.

Now that you can remember we deserve to be here, that you deserve to be here. We can look at the current situation and bare it.

And we do that by doing small things. Jam out and listen to music while picking up litter on your block, go to a library and just hang out or research something you love, make seed Bombs and toss them I to abandoned lots, make silly cartoons. Whatever it is, it will be enough.

The weight of the world isn't ment for the individual no matter how much Capitalism and Elites will try and guilt you over their failures. That weight is ment for collective groups, but your job as a Person is to be happy where you can and to be kind so others can be happy. The last thing that I always keep in my heart is a quote from my fave author Ursula Le Guin:

Hang in there, a brighter tomorrow is gunna happen. I promise 🌻

[candyunicornsateme]

ever get curious... if maybe at least one person is out there checking and/or stalking your stuff often... like in a good way you know?? Like a “love this stuff and I’m curious and wanna browse around and/or keep up” 

[unopenablebox]

my COMMITTEE MEETING is tomorrow and i fly out to my grandfather's funeral LITERALLY IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARD and my girlfriend is in GERMANY right now so i have to make sure the whole apartment is fully cleaned & ready to potentially have all the power shut off during a heatwave for a couple of days just in case that happens & also make sure my work samples don't die and all the antibodies i ordered still get in the freezer etc while i'm gone

and because i only learned i was dealing with this yesterday morning when he, you know, died, i absolutely did not budget time for both meeting prep and other work tasks and life stuff AND a deep clean of the fridge & kitchen or whatever it is i should do, and of course i also guessed completely wrong about what my PI would want me to be doing for this talk so i still have a bunch of stupid fiddly little figure adjustments to make each of which takes me an hour due to my like, bad intrinsic nature, and also i am having trouble focusing because my GRANDFATHER IS DEAD, AGAIN, FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS YEAR, so i am going to be working on slides for like 28 cumulative hours and yet will have practiced this presentation zero times before giving it. so i hope they don't, you know, form any opinions about me based on it or anything

[losticaruss]

one class should NOT be messing me up this bad

[queerplatonicdiaries]

just got to call my squish for like 3 hours, life is wonderful I am thriving the birds are singing problems aren't so heavy etc etc :)))

[sudokuplayer]

i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be

[heyitslapis]

Ok

[lovelaceisntdead]

Oh. having a bad time.

[cheekblush]

spent the whole day in bed on my phone someone please assassinate me

[arctic-hands]

Have I ever addressed in therapy that the reason I'm obsessed with the news stems from nine eleven?

[jedi-bird]

My partner is off to the office soon to play online games with their friends. I had planned to write a bit, or at least try to. But honestly? This day has sucked and I'm emotionally exhausted. I think I'll just go to bed way too early and deal with waking up in the middle of the night when it happens. Tomorrow will either be better or worse but that's future me's problem. Current me no longer gives any fucks.

[bataranqs]

.

[noxtivagus]

christmas break FINALLY YEAH 🫶🏼

[charmre]

Anxiety riddled today :/

[siren-of-agony]

Had a talk w my profs/employers earlier about renewing my contract where one of the things we talked about how I missed so many of the Thursday-group-meetings cause I was sick/had doctors appointments.

We also agreed to have another talk on our next meeting.

Just had to email them to tell them I couldn't make it bc I remembered I had a neurologist appointment that day.

Stay tuned to see if I lose my job I guess :D