#i wish i knew how to keep my friends | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justpollux · 8 months

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#i wish i knew how to keep my friends #some of my college friends got together this weekend and i just saw and feel left out #even though i havent spoken to them in almost 4 years #how do people stay in touch when they dont see each other everyday?#i dont understand #i wish i knew how #i dont want to be forgotten but im so used to making myself invisible for safety...

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hetalia-club · 4 months

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Ah to go back in time and re-live the 2016-2018 Hetalia fandom…

#Hetalia #everyone was so much more chill then #I miss my friends #*looks at my 10k followers* where did you all go babes #rip most of you. you would have loved to call Italy daddy with me #maybe I cling to this fandom because I miss what it used to be #I just wish all the other big Hetalia blogs from back then would come back and keep me company #we could reminisce together…#eventually illl have to accept it’s nothing how it used to be…#but when I do accept that I’ll probably leave for good #for now I will continue to be delu delu #if I knew their real socials best believe I would go drag them back kicking and screaming. you all can best believe

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cheekblush · 3 months

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took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.

#i just wanted to have a good time and not rot in bed for once on my work free weekend but of course my brain can’t let that happen #it was such a lovely day actually the weather was sunny and windy it wasn’t too hot or cold ideal weather to stroll through the city #i had delicious food and found some comfortable clothes but at the end of the day i just felt so empty and worn out #seeing all these couples and friend groups and families and i’m still all by myself after so many years #tbh i’m even lonelier now than i was 10 years ago back then i at least had a few friends #idk what i’m doing with my life tbh.. i just want to be happy but even when i take myself on a cute little date i end up feeling miserable #bc it just hits me how truly lonely i am #i fear i’m incapable of forming any genuine relationships anymore bc i had so many bad experiences that i just stopped trying to connect..#with anyone.. even though i crave community friendship companionship and love i completely shut myself off from the world #i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say with all this.. i wish i knew how to be a person in this world #i wish i could be happy #tbh ever since i got back from my italy vacation i’ve been feeling depressed bc life could be so beautiful if i didn’t have to sacrifice..#almost all of my time for work #the post vacation depression is too real…#realizing you can only spend a very limited time traveling and enjoying yourself bc you have to work most of the time just to afford living #let me stop.. i keep rambling and my thoughts are falling like a waterfall #idk what’s wrong with me… i should have breakfast and put my phone away #sorry to anyone who actually reads all this word vomit #☁️

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mxmorel · 9 months

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trans joy 🥰🏳️‍⚧️

#re: tags in my last rb - the one thing I have managed to do a bit of the last few months is painting #writing has been a no go and a wrist injury has been keeping me from knitting and crocheting #but I did two portraits #this one of my friends Sam & Tess’ elopement #and one of my parents #I also painted a back patch of Princess Leia for a baby battle jacket for my friend’s five year old #I wish I knew how to move out of just recreating photos though and actually making something new #I never do much fanart because i struggle to do anything when I don’t have a specific photo reference #if any real artists have any tips for how to do more than just recreating photos I’d love to hear them tbh #my art #my art: original #op - who me?

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yaoianime · 6 months

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Soon im rly gonna do it

#🕸️#sui mention #< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are #like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however #every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day #it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a #wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach #into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i #cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening #almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not #only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is #to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being #or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in #coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe #its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont #hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am #im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf #its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will #i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to #do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks #thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me

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blatantlyhidden · 11 months

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#tw trauma #venting #i know it's been over two years now and i should probably stop thinking/talking about this #but i can't get over how my ex behaved towards me despite knowing my past and trauma #how he kept pushing my boundaries and making me feel bad for even setting them despite very well KNOWING my reasons #like this dude KNEW about my past and STILL behaved this way #how he wanted me to “get help for my issues” but only as a disguise to get what HE wants #telling me that if i didn't get a therapist within the next year he'd break up #i forced myself to do things i never wanted and now deeply regret #i set a boundary and could watch it being ignored weeks later #when i broke up with him he wished terrible things for me and told me to fuck myself #and even after that he kept on trykng to contact me on every possiblr social media months after #last time he contacted me was in july this year.....we broke up OVER 2 YEARS AGO #i'm glad i left but i have so much unresolved shit that i just cannot let it go #like that shit sits deep #this is so much oversharing i'm so sorry #will probably regret posting this and delete but i had to get it out #can't keep annoying my friends with this #again sorry

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the-trans-dragon · 10 months

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The longer I am alive, the more my brain replays that scene in Lilo and Stitch where the scientist is watching Stitch fret around at night, and the scientist says something like, "poor thing, doesn't even have fond memories to keep it warm at night" or something

As a kid, I didn't realize how comforting memories could be, and I rarely had the luxury to create them.

I am glad I survived. It would have been easier, with fond memories to comfort me during painful times. I have many now, though, and they are indeed good company.

#i wish id sat in more trees and watched more falling stars and snuck out to watch the first colors of sunrise over the river more often.#i wished id understood how to make friends. i wish i could have been vulnerable enough to make friends. i wish surviving hadnt been a #constant struggle. it is what it is. sometimes when i was a kid id wonder if my future self would have more love for me. id ache for it to #be true--for someone to know me and still love me. and i love that younger version of myself so much. they did so good. it all hurt so #terribly but they did so good anyways. i am very proud of them for fighting through the bad things so i could find unimaginable happiness.#like life is still really hard but like...idk. i never knew id ever have a comforting friendship. i never knew someone would love all of me #its so precious to me--to exist here and now with a wife and a partner and a cat. to cherish my body and view it as a ally rather than a #nemesis and failure. this has been a big year for Learning To Be Gentle With Myself and ive found such a quiet restfulness. its peaceful in #my brain when all of the terror settles down and allows softness and quietness and gentleness to exist in my brain.#sorenhoots #and i have memories that are so warm now. they grow like a struggling garden but they grow. someday theyll grow like weeds i hope. ill do my #best to keep planting them.

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a-small-writer-in-a-big-world · 11 months

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These are not normal reactions

#vent #my friend forgave me on the spot #after I had hurt her feelings #and I’m so confused #she can’t forgive me that quick #no one forgives anyone that quick #and like I was in the wrong I knew I was last night #but now it’s even worse because I jsut keep thinking about #how I wish I jsut couldn’t feel any bad feelings at all #so then this could’ve been avoided #I’ve been told it’s completely normal for me to feel those kinds of emotions #but for me #it feels wrong to have them

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aromanticgarbage · 4 months

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2015 joji twitter bio.

#he just keeps teaching me new words #joji #joji miller #george kusunoki miller #twitter #the wayback machine is my best friend. wish i knew how to use it.#apparently the japanese at the beggining translates to shut up scum. oow edgy.

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autisticlee · 5 months

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having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time

#chronic pain #chronic exhaustion #idk what else to tag #another day of why was lee walking normal and barely pain at work yesterday but then today so much pain and exhausted #wish i knew what was exactly the problem. was diagnosed with “generalized hypermobility” but doesnt do much #not a real diagnosis. basically just a thing to tell me “theres nothing wrong. exercise more” but how???? i keep trying but hurt myself #my job is physical labor and therefore exercise. it hurts. is exhausting. no energy to do more. walking is exhausting #have to focus so much energy on not popping hips out of place and twisting knees and ankles and falling. never hurts less #still think about how failed the heds test by 1 point but had several people with heds or who have close friends/family with it who told me #they think i have it and should go het diagnosed or just ask me if i have it because they recognize the symptoms #and every time i tell them the doctor i saw about my joint issues and stuff denied it they get super confused and tell me to try #another doctor. unfortunately i have to go through my designated health system and they dont have multiple doctors of each specialty #and i in general have no clue how to navigate health stuff or how to advocate for myself and have no help or support system at all so 🤷#anyway. it makes me wonder if i *do* have that or if my floppy bendy joints are just similarly bad and exercise will cure me #and im just bad at it because i have no clue what is right and wrong movement unless someone watches me and corrects me the whole time #and no i wont learn or get better. im so disconnected from this body that i will never learn what feels right and wrong.#still cant even tell when im hungry until i almost pass out!!!!!!! of thirsty!! or even have to pee until its emergency level piss!!!!!!#so no way to tell when hypermobiling joints when exercising or when form is slipping and not correct anymore.#been trying things to get better at that but still hasnt improved at all #what was i talking about......right. dont think ill ever get heds diagnosis since cant pass the test for that. so cant get much support/help #am on my own with youtube tutorials and hoping i dont keep hurting myself wishing exercise will cure me and “good days” become permanent #also why are video tutorials SO HARD TO FOLLOW AND LEARN FROM. im sk bad at it yet everyone tells me its the best and only way to learn but #its SO HARD FOR ME 😭😭😭😭😭 MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED AND UPSET

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pegasusdrawnchariots · 6 months

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the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it

#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet #I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through #idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself #& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy #I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem #I had 4 social plans this month. that's it #that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy #but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too #the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021 #but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all #I'm not going anywhere w this. idk #just one of those days #everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake #now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend #assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake #& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks #but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc #'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores #they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go #& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired #like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(

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vanyafresita · 3 months

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started playing chess again after years of not touching it (against pc so i dont embarrass myself against other human being and also im anxious af), and chekcing the game review is SOOOO HUMILLATING AND HUMBLING BAHAHAHA

#i need to stop and think more about my moves i keep moving quickly without thinking and then immediately after realize i made a Miss Take #chess is so fun i wish any of my friends knew how to play or wanted to learn </3 #vanya strawberry flavored

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claratwelve · 9 months

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just remembered i must have a david tennant autograph somewhere in my childhood room but it would probably take me days to find it

#i wush my damn adhd brain knew how to keep things organised #*wish #i got it back in i thinkkk 2017?#when i went to london and watched a play he was in with my friends #at least i still have the photos i took on my phone

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piplupod · 10 months

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