#i wish i was ignorant

[hugevampiretits]

i desperately want to believe in a better future but it all just looks so bleak

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[blonkk]

had an epiphany last night after debriefing ab this winter’s dalliances w my friend!!!!!

uhhhhhh. basically i grew up with the knowledge that i was never either of my parents’ preferred child. like i knew. everyone knew. and everyone still knows and my entire family and everyone i’ve ever loved has never loved me as much as i did them and prefer me to stay away. and it’s very whiny and boohoo wahhh but deadass my entire family believes that i am the problem in every single conflict and have been telling me that my entire life. like it’s your fault brother misbehaves it’s your fault father doesn’t like talking to you it’s your fault sister is depressed and won’t speak to anyone it’s your fault brother is lonely it’s your fault mother is angry it’s your fault that fights of any kind happen at all. and even in the past few years where i am literally holding my tongue and forcing myself to stay calm when people are verbally abusing me and talking shit and blaming me for shit and screaming bloody murder at me it’s ALWAYS my fault. they will always have someone to blame and it will always be me!!!

also weirdly they always assume the worst of me. they assume i’m jealous, greedy, selfish and self centered, even cruel and apathetic about people close to me. i want to destroy x’s marriage, i want to be as good as Y, i am malicious and vindictive…..when i’ve literally allowed every single one of them to stomp all over me countless times and forgiven them countless times…..and every time i’ve had enough and try to take care of myself for once i’m STILL the bad guy bc it hurt their feelings……….it’s insane. they literally watch with their mouths open while i’m being verbally abused by someone who’s not even a part of our family for years and years and don’t say a thing. this person knows they can treat me that way because everyone else does and no one ever has my back. even my own parents.

all i’ve ever done my whole life is put literally everyone, even people i don’t give a shit about, before myself because it’s the only way i ever gained any affection or praise or love of any kind. and STILL they only think awful things of me.

SOOOOO i realized that i’ll never truly know what love is in any capacity, because from my time as an innocent child to a confused and dour teen to the wretch of a woman i am today, i was never loved in a fully reciprocal and healthy way, not even by my parents and immediate family

and i unconsciously seek out relationships and friendships and even employment where the only way i have value is by offering services and as soon as i can’t or don’t no one wants to be around me……………..and i’m like well yah no shit it’s cause you’re useless……………

or i seek out friendships/am attracted to people who don’t really care about me as much as they do someone else (i have a weird attraction to men in relationships. like it’s actually fucked up). but i think it’s because i KNOW that there’s someone they’ll always prefer more than me and i have to prove that i’m worth like. crumbs and snippets

like 😂 i wonder how much more secure and healthy and NORMAL i’d be if my parents just kept that shit to themselves. like did i really need to know????? how has it improved my life???? be normal and pretend to love and respect and care about your children equally. jesus christ

therapy could never wriggle this out of me. i literally only figured it out last night while i was talking and realized as i was talking that i’ve known it all along. it’s so fucked. anyways like it’s good to know ig but wtf am i supposed to do w this information like ….childhood is so small. so short. but the damage is done for life. it’s not like i can experience true unconditional parental love again. and gain the life skills and experience necessary to be a healthy functional and confident adult. and pass that on. i’m just fucked yo and there’s nothing that can be done because there’s no one in my life from my childhood to now and everyone new that comes in will eventually see all the things wrong with me if i actually relax around them. so 🤷🏽‍♀️ we move ig

[ohhyperbola]

Happy Easter guys uuuhhh

[screachogreilige]

ummmm thingies ^_^

[sakurm]

it's a feeling i don't like

[tangents-within-tangents]

Echo, baby, this is why we love you

Probably my favorite line in the finale, it's so simple but so powerful coming from him. Honestly kinda amazing that we got such a nice full-circle wrap up to his cross-series arc (especially after he was sidelined all season)

I was sad about not seeing as much of him when he left the Batch in season 2 of course, but I could never be mad because it was a choice that just made so much sense for his character. Seeing him fighting alongside Rex, rescuing Howzer, freeing all the clones in Tantiss, it’s just so clearly where he belongs. He’s been through so much and he’ll never stop fighting for his brothers

[undefeatablesin]

Thanks Eileen, I honestly hadn't noticed... 😨

[chiscribbs]

"That has to mean something, right? It can't just be a coincidence that it happened twice! Oh, sweet, sweet confirmation!"

Don has chanced upon an exciting revelation at the TMNT AU Competition! (feat. @beannary's The Little Prince AU)

[Grown Apart AU]

***Note: This takes place sometime after the fight (which is still currently going on). Also, yes - Donnie "lost" his name tag at some point...and April.***

[zuzandr]

i never liked citruses anyway

[teainthesnow]

I know alligator snapping turtles are massive and I know it wouldn't logically make sense. But I love the idea that Raph just stops growing and Leo, Donnie, and Mikey grow to be as tall if not taller than him

[afewproblems]

The Holiday Party had gone quite smoothly, more than he was expecting if Steve was being honest with himself.

Until about halfway through, but that was pretty par for the course.

Jonathan had unearthed an old Rummoli Board from a box labeled 'Basement Misc', the Byers were still in the middle of unpacking from their move back to Hawkins, and brought it alongside a bottle of wine that Nancy had managed to smuggle from the Wheelers liquor cabinet.

Robin, who rode with Eddie and Argyle, brought pizza, the only copy of It's A Wonderful Life from Family Video, and way too much weed for just the six of them.

"It isn't a party without a little Kush Stevie," Eddie had told him, clapping his warm hand on Steve's shoulder, his thumb just high enough to rest on bare skin above the collar of his sweater.

All Steve could do was roll his eyes and take the pizzas, quickly ducking into the kitchen before Robin or, God Forbid, Eddie could comment on the pink flush that had taken over his face at the new nickname.

Robin had been insisting that Steve just tell Eddie how he felt for the last few weeks. Rip the bandaid off and come clean. What was the worst that could happen?

Which, really Robin?

Steve knows exactly what happens when someone puts themselves out there only for the other person to not feel the same way. His whole argument was currently sitting in his living room for fucks sake.

Sure, Steve and Nancy were on better terms now, but it also took two years to get there, and even still, there was a weird tension when they found themselves alone together.

So, no, telling Eddie was not an option, Robin.

Steve could keep it together. He could deal with the ache in his chest at the sight of Eddie's smile. Steve could deal with the way his heart beat quickened whenever Eddie said his name. He could deal with the heady flush that bloomed every time Eddie touched him.

He was fine, it was fine.

And, movie nights like these were nothing new in the wake of Vecnas defeat and the destruction of the Upside Down. Steve needed to keep it together if he wanted to continue to have this. Nights without the kids to look after or the adults to hide their indulgences from, these were the nights where they could truly relax.

These were Steve's favourite, and he was not going to let some Bullshit feelings stand in the way of being able to see Eddie.

This Christmas Eve found the six of them lounging on pillows and extra couch cushions from the basement to make the 'best movie watching set-up thank you very much', according to Robin, and watching It's a Wonderful Life for the umpteenth time.

"I can't believe that George Bailey would wish for something like that, when it's so obvious that people care about him," Robin scoffs at the top of her voice about halfway through the movie, prompting a irritated Shush from Nancy.

"That bro is depressed man, it's like a cry for help, and on Christmas, this shit is heavy dude," Argyle hums, lifting his fist up to Robin who shakes it with a wild grin. The two erupt into violent giggles which begin to creep into Steve and Eddie and eventually Jonathan as well. Nancy rolls her eyes but can't help the smile that takes over her face as well.

"Who would wish to never be born when you could just wish for the bank to like, not fuck you over, seems like a waste of a wish if you ask me," Eddie says as the last traces of giggles begin to finally disapate.

"Ooo, Eddie's right!" Robin says as she reaches for the remote, hitting pause on the movie. She waves her hands through the chorus of groans from everyone except Eddie who turns around to Steve with an incredulous expression on his face.

Steve shrugs as Robin continues, unable to look away from those large brown eyes until a hand darts out to smack him in the chest.

"Steve, pay attention," Robin huffs, "let's go around and share what we would wish for!"

Oh shit.

Steve turns on the couch to fully face Robin with narrowed eyes. She grins at him, lifting a single eyebrow as her blue eyes dart between Eddie and Steve.

Steve opens his mouth to argue, to insist that they just carry on with the movie, only for Eddie to drum his hands against his knees and speak.

"Oh birdie, I'm way ahead of you, this is Wayne's favorite Christmas movie so I've done a lot of thinking 'bout this".

Eddie clears his throat and lifts his hands from his knees now as though he's about to launch into a story for Hellfire, "I would personally wish for the money to be able to fund Corroded Coffin full time, get a demo done, and then be able to kiss this fucking one horse town good bye!"

Steve feels the words hit him like a bucket of cold water.

Eddie wants to leave Hawkins.

His wish, his dream, for forever from the sounds of it, is to leave them all behind.

To leave Steve behind.

The voices from the group, pitched high and low, all blend together into one as the rest of the group share their own wishes.

Steve absently feels a small hand grip his own, he looks up to see Robin staring at him, a worried frown pinched between her eyebrows. He answers her silent question with a shake of his head.

It was fine, he was fine. This was a good thing, better to know now than later when Eddie would inevitably leave him behind.

"Stevie?"

Steve startles as a ringed hand waves precariously close to his face. Eddie smiles faintly at him, one dimple on display as he speaks again.

"Kinda lost you for a second there, what about your wish?"

"Oh," he manages to say with a slight laugh in his voice, even as his brain fills with static, "um, I haven't ever really thought about it, maybe some new music or something".

Nancy and Jonathan both boo loudly from the love seat while Argyle nods with a hazy smile.

"Right on my man, sounds like Eddie'll be able to help when his band makes it big," he says before turning back to the television and slumping even more heavily into the couch.

Steve forces out another bright laugh, ignoring how much it burns his throat and crushes his chest. The only thing keeping him in his seat is the firm hold of Robin's hand on his own.

He doesn't look at Eddie as he leans forward to press play on the movie once more, letting the music and dialogue fill the room once more.

Later, as the end of the credits roll and the tape switches back to static, Nance and Jonathan are fast asleep. The pair are cuddled up on the love seat, their heads leaning against one another. It would almost be cute if not for the pang of envy that fills Steve at the sight.

Steve tries to bask in the warmth of having Robin cuddled into his side, knowing it will alleviate at least some of the ache in his chest. Robins eyes have been steadily growing heavier as she slowly falls further and further into Steves side. He smiles, reaching up to brush her hair away from her face.

At least he has Robin, and maybe for now that is enough.

***

This is a part one, let me know if anyone would like a part Two?

[fettiowi]

Sonadow fans when

[markantonys]

ishy??? 🏳️‍🌈❓

[overtake]

“a sexual awakening so intense it registered on the richter scale” is the single best and most accurate description I have ever heard.

pov: you're 16 years old and doing the final test for your super license ahead of joining f1 as the youngest ever driver. you expect the doubt and hate, and you know you can prove on track why you deserve to be there once you actually get in a car, but until then, you just have to be the subject of everyone's headlines and criticism for a factor you can't control.

then this guy comes along.

race winner who got himself to a top team and is beating his world champion teammate, a cool older handsome charismatic guy with a giant smile and big brown eyes, beloved and kind while still being fiercely talented, competitive, and hungry? the guy who you met in 2011 and who gave you the time of day before you were old enough to sniff at the f1 grid. he's not even going to be your actual teammate (yet), but he still takes the time to tell you he's looking forward to seeing you on the grid when so much of what you've heard is nonstop criticism.

he tells you good luck for your super license with a big grin meant just for you

and this is how it makes you feel.

this is live footage of daniel ricciardo becoming a permanent fixture in max's spank bank. it's one of those foundational crushes you have at a young age that sticks with you for life and unconsciously affects "your type" forever and never truly goes away.

also, i just think everyone should hear the way max very softly says "he's a really nice guy, yeah" with so much affection packed into every word.

how are you not to psychosexually imprint on him? one look at that video and max was ready to risk it all. he's been metaphorically tucking his hair, kicking his feet, and giggling since day one. he found a guy who he could race hard, who would challenge him on track, but who would still make the miserable pr days better for them, who was always laughing at max's jokes every time he did his little glance over to ensure it landed. max is so fiercely loyal to his people, and daniel has clearly earned that trust.

tldr: max verstappen is number one dirlie and if he were on f1blr, he would be writing long posts with onboards, data, and that ☝️🤓 attitude of his explaining in detail why everyone is wrong about daniel, and i hope it haunts all the max fans who get their rocks off to calling daniel a washed asshole loser that max's porn folder is daniel late braking compilations.

[flipomatic]