#i wish i was tired but at least im creative?

[hoybero]

SHSJSHSH ive had the same fic idea in my brain for like a bit over a month now and ive "written" so much of it in my head that i hAD TO MAKE FANART WITH LYRICS TO AN MCR SONG OKAY!

(pardon my not great art its 5 am)

[zedif-y]

you know sometimes i wish that my suffering was beautiful. at least then there's art to be made from it, that jagged sting turned into something fruitful.

but instead of creative i get tired. i feel awful and there's no image to be painted nor prose to be written, i'm just. sad.

it'd be easier if i grew flowers with these thorns. because then there's something to look at, something to appreciate while i bleed. i smear crimson on white canvas, hoping desperately for a masterpiece.

i'm trying. by god i am trying.

but there's nothing pretty about my pain.

[kingteeth]

My patience seems to burn hotter than a flame, and I can't light my motivation, but I will burn as I wait for more change.

[cetoddle-archive]

i have to babysit again in um. almost four hours. until 3pm. this will be interesting to say the least

[bigfemboyenergy]

oh no not again sighh

welcome back to another case of I REMEMBERED HOW MUCH I LOVE BILL CIPHER AND GRAVITY FALLS

im already swamped with things in my brain and i feel like unproductive shit bc i havent spoken to anyone in hours but! thats okay ig i dont n e e d human interaction right.. haha??

bill cipher though. he has a canon human design (which i assume is mostly a joke but HUH) which is crazy and nightmarish and disgusting (creativity be damned, its horrific, love that for him)

and like ive been desperately waiting for the book of bill for several months now

AND AND topic change!!! i really love writing dipper bc hes a nerd and im a nerd and i genuinely adore his character (sorry mabel likers /j) so i want to write more BUT ITS PROBABLY CRINGE IF I ADD ANYTHING “flavorful” TO IT 💀💀 but uh i think i might just self indulge in a dip & dan just randomly meeting thing i came up with in a comic forever ago mmm

anyway, it goes like this;

Dipper, tired of the repetitiveness of his days working in the Mystery Shack, decides to take a short walk. Just for..”some air”, as he told Mabel, but deep down he knows that isn’t true. He has this yearn for adventure that he wants to fulfill, but he wants to do it alone- a bit unusual for him, he thinks. Alas, he leaves the Shack, determined to find something of interest. He takes with him his very own journal, formatted just like Ford’s, tucked safely under one of his arms.

Walking through the familiar forest around the Mystery Shack, Dipper takes his time to look around. The tall, thick oak trees, the weeds growing from all around the worn, dirt path he’s walking down..it’s very beautiful, but as it grows dark, it feels much more mystical. He takes a small, stable breath as he chooses to stray from the path, the sun lowering in the sky, leaving the moonlight to guide him. This is when Dipper realizes..he forgot to bring a flashlight.

With a slightly-frustrated sigh, he turns to head back home to the Shack, but finds himself a bit lost. Giving up quickly, for the sake of his unparalleled desire to explore, he pushes onwards into the woods. It isn’t long before he wishes he had gone back. The darker it gets, the harder it is for Dipper to keep himself calm. He’s always been fairly paranoid, but in a forest as enchanting and mysterious as this, especially due to the dark, he’s finding it hard not to worry.

As his anxiety builds, fear flowing through his veins as the sky continues to darken above him, the trees towering over him growing thicker as he continues to walk deeper into the woods, only making it harder to see..he finds a light. A soft, calming glow, almost calling out to him. It’s a peaceful green, a bit bewildering, but it does wonders for his anxiety in the moment, before he realizes that something is clearly in the forest with him. However, despite his earlier fear, he can’t seem to feel nearly as scared, the soft light almost comforting him. Taking a second to think, though not nearly enough to make a rational decision, he heads towards the light. Slowly and carefully, he walks towards it, watching as he starts to make out a figure, the supposed source of the glow.

As he continues his slow approach, he stops every few seconds to hide, not wanting to alert the being to his presence. At least he is wary enough to know he could be in danger, though Dipper somewhat laments his lack of thought earlier.

Once he’s close enough to really get a good look, Dipper feels his heartbeat speed up with both excitement and terror. The being looks so human, and yet it all feels so fascinating, as he knows it truly can’t be just that. They appear to be a boy not much older than him, with white hair and..glowing green eyes! Now knowing the source of the light, Dipper feels rather accomplished. He decides that, once he gets home, he’ll postpone everything just to write a bit about this in his journal.

In his excitement, however, Dipper hears a twig crack beneath his feet as he takes a step forward. Without a moment’s hesitation, the boy’s head turns to face his direction; though, luckily, Dipper had already hidden himself behind some close-growing trees, and therefore hasn’t yet been spotted. The boy slowly moves towards Dipper, his feet making no sound, the crunching of the grass and crackling of twigs that would normally come with walking through such a forest..surprisingly not present.

Dipper bursts into a run, panic setting in. He wasn’t thinking for just a second, and now he’s alerted the person to his presence.. he can’t think, he can’t stop, his brain is just telling him to move, his fight or flight kicking in, leading him to run and run with no end in sight. After a long while, with a bit of tripping and getting caught on branches, he finds himself at the edge of the treeline, back at the Mystery Shack. It doesn’t look like the boy followed him. With a long, shaky sigh, Dipper cracks a smile. He did ask for an adventure, and that was just what he got. Entering the Mystery Shack, he immediately heads up the stairs and to his room, eagerly flipping open to a fresh page of his journal, not hesitating to write things down.

Not sparing a detail, he describes the mystery person; a boy of white hair, green eyes, pale skin, and with an eerie, ghastly glow, who makes not a sound when he walks through such an undergrowth-heavy forest.. It intrigues Dipper to no end. He can’t help but want to learn more..

Next time, he thinks, he won’t forget to bring a flashlight.

[gingerlee-holds]

Results of "Wake Up, Tword Asks"

From @softleesam's post!

As expected, MOST OF YOU ARE LEEESSSSS HEEHEEHEE

Neck won first as the spot most people enjoy for giggles, then sides, then tummy!

This is fascinating! Lotta people love tummies heehee

Congratulations to @sleepysheepytea, @fluffomatic, and @bigdumbtickler03 for collectively getting first place!! According to (my audience at least), you are the most flustering content creators! In second place, there's @mushiewrites and @made-by-jade-222, who are both so awesome!! And finally, congrats to our runner-ups: @ticklepinions, @lovelymessybubbly, @altheadajoysoul, @sweettallahassee, @coy-lee, @otomiya-tickles, @wormonastriing, @fluffystuffies, @twordish-ler, @parker-fluff, @obsessedwithseb, @touched-starved-switch, (myself! yay!), @massive-uwu-energy, and @shyticklemonster!!!! Each of you were mentioned by name at least once as being the most flustering!!! Congratulations, mwah mwah heehee

Yeah, this is about what I expected heh- If there's anything everyone agreed on, it was that YOU MUST RESPECT PEOPLE'S BOUNDARIES. NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS. Some people like tickling as a fun sfw activity that makes them happy, and for others, it's a kink. THAT IS OKAY!!!!!!!! Please just be kind, be understanding, and be respectful of people's boundaries.

Again, as expected, since most of you are lees xD I would like to take this opportunity to shout out the people who don't get enough attention!! Teasy Lees (*biiiiiig stretch, showing midriff to ler and smirking* "whatcha lookin at~?"), Shy Lers ("u-u-uhm,, c-can i tword you pleaseee? its okay if not but you look really twordish and i wanna tword you!!"), Stoic Lers ("Why are you laughing?" *as they poke*), and Gentle Lees ("You're doing great!! I love the way you're tickling me!" *through laughter and giggles*) But if there's one thing we love here, it's playfulness, and I wholeheartedly agree!!

Once again, you're all mostly lees, so the gravitation towards the 'very easily' side of the chart makes sense heehee (gosh i love trendlines look at that awesome trendline)

Wow! Almost a 3/4 split! That's pretty neat heehee

Interesting!!! Most people wanted to watch an animated movie (Disney, DreamWorks, Studio Ghibli, etc.), but a lot of people wanted to watch horror movies so that the tickles could help them relax!!

okay i know this is ugly but this question produced so many hecking characters i just wanted to include a lot of themmm (im sorry if i didnt get yours on theree) also Featuring: The Marvel Corner in the bottom right cuz you guys love marvel characters heehee

checks out!!! i wish i saw more back tickles in art and fics cuz they need more attentionnnnnnn

its getting very late and i had a lot of trouble trying to adapt this question into a chart but i did my besttttt (gosh im so tired im almost to the enddd)

(for context, the question is if you could choose one spot to tickle/be tickled in, which would it be) ooooo it's a tie between Sides and Tummy! and neck not far behind! interesting!!!

This was very flusteringg heehee you guys sure are creative with all the variationssss >/////////////<

the "how does tickling make you feel" question has a lot of really personal responses, and i dont feel comfy sharing them, even if they are anonymous

and the last question is sorta vague so everyone answered it however they chose, so I couldn't really make a chart out of it

WHICH MEANS IM DONE YAYYYY TIME FOR BEDDY BYE

so uhm I don't usually beg for people to reblog stuff but I put so much time and effort into this so if you'd be so kind as to, y'know ahem ahem, I'd really appreciate that, thank youuuu~!!!!!!!!

[squeaksinc]

2023 creative year in review! 💦💦

The most stand-out thing to mention was this was arguably my most active and productive cosplay year...maybe ever? its incredibly uncommon that I can handmake 9 costumes in a year, but on top of that, 7 of the 9 were also custom designs, which is pretty wild.

costume-wise, i learned a stupid amount of skills and really pushed what i was comfortable with. IMO the best from the year are the collector, knives, pupet, and nekomancer at least just from a craftsmanship perspective. I try not to brag or be an ass, but I am genuinely very proud of those. they posed fun creative challenges that kept me engaged, and I'm happy with how they turned out!

the other side of the coin is although last year was my most dormant cosplay year, other crafts were super active....and the reverse happened this year _(:3」∠)_ i didnt really draw much at all other than making cosplay designs, and other physical media didnt get much time to shine either. I made some plushies, but they were lackluster, and I think I made maybe one unfinished figure lol. but I did try BJD making and loved it!! I made 4 this year and have plans to do more haha.

thats the upbeat overview, the readmore is going to be a more negative perspective so proceed with caution haha.

More than anything I wish i had more time to do art and build up Stitch in The Ditch/more OC work, but honestly this year was also objectively insane in the non-creative front. like i hit the worst patch of chronic pain i've ever had/found out my abdominals have been ripping themselves apart and bleeding for the past 10 years lol/had to go to the hospital like THREE!!!! goddamn times and now i'm dealing with the news i'm going to need abdominal surgery, got a teaching promotion/award, got my physics masters, utterly INSANE family happenings, had gastroparesis for 2 months and couldnt eat more than 200 cal a day in that time which caused all my blood levels to crash and i'm still reeling from it, and of course, have just been Cashually working goddamn 60-80 hours a week in an experimental physics lab in the background during all of this which is driving me to the point of madness- suffice to say i hit my limit like months ago lmao.

like looking back i know i should be happy and proud i did so much but i cant help but feel disappointed and wishing i had done better quality stuff. honestly, i know i goof about how hard work is, but its really really getting to me. i've always been happy with my ability to juggle so many things and preserve my ability to have a cool job, make cool things, and independently take care of myself, but work is month-by-month morphing into more of a monster thats just been suffocating everything else out. I really dont know what next year will look like, as i've been wearing thinner and thinner i'm noticing a trend where I just dont have the energy that I used to to do anything outside of my job.

I bring this up because on paper I should be happy with what I made, but I still feel like im in a stand-still. I made a lot of costumes, but tbh they were low quality/lackluster. like the number went up, but the quality didnt and I couldnt do much of any other art things. I couldve, and shoulve, been able to make much better work this year than I did, but it didnt happen as a combo of being snuffed out by my job physically and mentally.

in 2023 I got a head start/built up momentum from the beginning of the year that carried me through when things got insane in spring/summer/currently, but I'm already starting 2024 from a low point. yall. im so tired. im so goddamn tired. like its funny to goof about how much I do but its catching up fast and i think this is going to be the year when I just cant keep up anymore. Its hard to talk about since the "being crushed to death by your job" topic isnt one people want to engage with, and unless you're experiencing it first hand its hard to understand what living like that really means.

for 2024, i know theres no way I will be able to match this same number of costumes, but my goal is no matter what I want to start making things that are more solid on a construction level. fewer projects, more polish. also doing more non-cosplay stuff like world building and dolls would also be awesome. will that happen??? lord only knows. honestly usually these predictions/goals go haywire but this is also more of a response to external things outside of my control so ???? ??????? we'll see lads

[randomalistic]

I just watched Star Wars a new hope for the first-ish time. And . I have a lot of thoughts about the way movies are Preserved and re-presented and how they Interact with society. And this is also just a general review lol

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO NEVER ENGAGED IN STAR WARS MEDIA EVER so I’m very biased towards Not Getting It. I know this is a deeply beloved franchise so I have to. Speak carefully.

Maybe I just had super high expectations due to the Entire Cultural Phenomenon thing. Like who wouldn’t have high expectations this is literally “The Movie of All Time”. It’s kind of unfortunate how much pressure there is on it in that sense.

TLDR: My favorite parts were when r2d2 screamed like WRREEOOOWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!

ANYWAYS. My opinion (uh oh)

The sets and the effects were OUTSTANDING. As expected. I just wanted a little more main character depth but I suppose that’s what sequels are for

I had fun watching it the special effects and all the weird creatures and robots were my ultra favorite part but…….. UM) the pacing was weird and there wasn't enough tension. Was that just me ? Maybe I was just tired . But .. idk man…

Actually no I can forgive first installments for being a little shaky and awkward. This was literally made like 45 years ago. Like there weren’t a lot of insane movies like this back then so this is kinda just what you got.

But yeah some character depth was left to be desired. Some characters were a little too cold and emotionless like Luke's HOME was destroyed and his Aunt and Uncle were INCINERATED TO SMOKING SKELETONS & he had almost no reaction. Like can the characters be a little traumatized please . nobody cried in this movie. I know they're going through a space war so maybe Leia is a little more cold and callused. But Luke?? Luke is just a kid… even if he didn’t care about his aunt and uncle That much, he should have had a stronger reaction.

I completely get that this was 1977 and there was probably a lot of stigma for a protagonist male character expressing that amount of vulnerability and grief in a MOVIE. That would have been unheard of. At least I assume so.

But it’s such a shame because Luke is the person we’re viewing this movie through he’s like the audience stand in. And unfortunately when he doesn’t care/show emotion, I also find it more difficult to care and get invested. Not that I DIDNT care. It just made me take it less seriously and affected tension. That combined with the funky pacing also affected the tension poorly… so I was finding it hard to stay engaged. aside from seeing the silly creatures every once in a while. But maybe that’s also because my dog kept interrupting me lol. Again ☹️ this movie was meant to be watched in a huge theater… 40 years ago.. maybe it just doesn’t translate ?

I was also not a fan of leia and Luke becoming instant love interests like. how did that even happen they just met. have they had a single conversation. AGAIN it’s just because it’s an old movie I should cut it some slack. But it just left a lot to be desired. I think that’s because what I care about in movies the most is the characters and their personalities.

I think this movie was definitely more of a “this is a technological marvel with an amazing score and incredible sci-fi action!!” And less of a “this is a movie showcasing AMAZING and COMPLEX CHARACTERS” the human characters are pretty basic im sorry to say. But like. how can I criticize that when this was like the first movie to make those character types basic

Maybe it’s because living in a hugely inspired-by-Star-Wars-world it’s just gotten so.. old? Exhausting maybe? Western society expects that you’ve seen Star Wars. “You haven’t seen Star Wars?? Are you kidding!! It’s a classic!!” Maybe I’ve just seen these tropes so many times I’m unable to properly appreciate the sheer creativity and groundbreaking nature of the original. Which if that’s true, is genuinely unfortunate. I wish this film could properly translate itself to newer generations but you would have to consume it in a vacuum I swear. Which is weird. Because a movie with similar cultural impact like the Matrix still had me engaged when I saw it. I DONT KNOW MAN. THIS MIGHT JUST BE A ME PROBLEM.

I’m just saying its popularity lessens the impact of the franchise and changes the viewing experience a lot.. especially with the longer you wait to watch it. Which wasn’t a problem for the people watching it in the theater for the first time!! Of course it was magical and unlike anything people had ever seen before!! In that era It hadn’t become obnoxiously popular yet (I mean this in the nicest way possible.)

Anyways. Characters I did like. R2D2 was cute and him and c3po had divorced couple energy. I think their scenes were my favorite. It’s a big scary world out their for a couple of silly gay droids. I mean what.

Han solo was kind of a lovable asshole until he decided to be a mysoginist.. 💔I am used to taking old movies with a grain of salt but should I really have to tolerate that kind of stuff. SORRY ITS AN OLD AND VERY ICONIC MOVIE . I NEED TO GIVE IT A MASSIVE GRAIN OF SALT. But yeah Leia is the only female character besides Luke’s aunt. It was 1977. At least they made her badass and shoot things yaaay

(Unfortunately I watched it on a stretched out DVD version but this gif looks like better quality lmao. AGAIN… LOSING THE ARTIST INTENTION BY WATCHING ON A DVD💔 it’s so sad man.)

OK FINALLY SOMETHING ELSE I LIKED. (Everything I don’t complain about you have to assume I Enjoyed okay. I just don’t have much to say about those things lmfao) but yes I liked Obi Wan and Luke’s mentor-student(?) relationship it was very sweet. I liked their interactions!

It’s kind of funny he cared more about Obi-Wan dying more than his house and family LOL. BUT THAT SAYS SOMETHING!!! THAT REALLY SAYS SOMETHING. IT SHOWS HE CARED. HE SCREAMED “NO!!!!” WHEN HE SAW IT HAPPEN. And he felt awful afterwards and Leia comforted him, IF ONLY FOR A BRIEF MOMENT before flying around and having fun again. But that was THERE!! and that was real character depth okay.

I SWEAR I ENJOYED IT. I WILL PROBABLY WATCH EMPIRE STRIKES BACK JUST TO SEE IF IT IMPROVES BC IVE HEARD THATS THE BEST ONE. but yeah. silly and cheesy sci fi adventure with tons of creatures of COURSE I liked it. It’s an AMAZING MOVIE and it’s ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL MOVIES IN ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY. But that means IT SUFFERS. It suffers because of Society. I’m the joker now and here’s my Star Wars unpopular opinion. I didn’t expect anybody to read that far. Thanks.

BUT I HAVE. one last bitchy complaint. I know the opening scrolling text is the most iconic movie thing on earth and I should Appreciate that. but TALK ABOUT INACCESSIBLE LOL I COULD BARELY READ THAT SHIT. IT FELT LIKE I WAS WATCHING WINDOWS MOVIE MAKER. THE SLANT MADE IT SO HARD TO READ. You could only read the full sentence when it’s like in the Middle of the screen and by then it’s already shrinking and scrolling AWAYYYYY!!! GHAAHA it’s so bad. (affectionate) but I think it’s charming how Bad the opening scroll objectively is and yet it’s still so beloved and iconic. (I promise I mean well.)

Ok on second thought maybe it was the DVD that messed it up even more. Sigh. Because this looks perfectly fine. THATS SO UNFORTUNATE THAT SOMEONES MOVIE EXPERIENCE CAN BE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DEPENDING ON IF ITS WATCHED ON A DVD OR IN A THEATER OR ALONE OR WITH OTHERS AND THERES SO MANY FACTORS UGH!!! This cannot continue.

[daguerreopher]

@melancoliefatale | talk

Justin looked at the photographer silently as his tired feature as if the words were torn from his soul…it was the pain of losing a love one ,after all he did saw those sad and painful face when he needed to prepare flower for funeral…same for others experiences with loss in his life. and he did heard some rumors about the reason about Joseph mood during the 11th march. but now how he could help him ? Justin didn’t want hurt him with words that could worsen his state…now thinking of it it was the first time Joseph looked this vulnerable. But after a moment of silence, Justin did something, he gently grabbed the noble man hand and softly give it a squeeze while looking at him. « Im sorry for what happened to you, Joseph. It’s…never easy to said goodbye more so when you never have the time to say farewell to the person. » he let out sigh before looking away his soft features carrying some melancholy of the past. Then he looked at the photographer again with a gentle smile again, searching to comfort him in a way. « You can talk about this if you wished to or we can simply sit here for a moment. Anything that make you comfortable. »

Joseph had started staring off into the distance, past Justin, past the walls of this hell. The two had been talking of art before Joseph had been reminded of his most beloved creative soul, the one that had left so long ago. And in the midst of talking about painters and artists, he'd let his thoughts slip.

And surprisingly, after a pause, Justin had replied.

For what happened to him... never saying farewell... Justin must have heard about his dear brother from the rest of the manor. As much as Joseph refused to talk about it with anyone other than the Wu Chang duo, it wasn't exactly a secret. Not anymore.

Joseph closed his eyes for a moment, and then glanced downward as he pulled out one of his cameras. As he held the box between his hands, "At the least, in such early parts of spring and summer, the world is as grey as a piece of silver film. Like the nights of winter, if far less cheerful and more somber.

"But I digress." He looked back toward Justin, his eyes still half closed. Though they were pitch black like always, somehow the pain of memories lost swam within. "You are the far more relevant piece here. Such talk may be forgotten in time; a picture of you would be far more memorable, and far more pleasant. Could I have you pose for me in the garden?"

[monzterzack]

i dont have many places to vent now, as i have committed the mistake of trying to be profitable with my art, so ill vent here

getting the autism diagnosis helped me a lot, because now im aware that a lot of my missery and struggles come from it

however it did jack shit to help with the empty hole in my chest of feeling like a weirdo that is going to die alone

it also didnt help me to communicate to my irl relationships that i do need accommodations, and i do struggle a lot

they just took it as if i was an inspirational story, because even when having autism im still doing what normal people do, when im killing myself over here trying to fulfill all the responsibilities that they find easy to do

i dont want to say it, but im constantly on the brink of financial collapse, im always in pain and overstimulated/understimulated, trying to find a way to trick my brain into doing what i want it to do

they still see my binge eating as a personal failure, instead of a natural soothing mechanism that has gone wild because im too stressed to deal with stuff

and i sorta get it, i truly do, pretending like everything i do is correct just because im disabled is not helpful either, but i would really like it if instead of “being real” with me all the time, they would at least try and ease out my stress a bit

i dont know

i stopped taking my meds again, they just kill all my creative drive and im miserable when i cant draw or write

i still feel like no one gets me, and i get frustrated because im turning bitter from having to overexplain myself constantly

im still playing savior in my house, im still taking more than i can bite, and its settling that i will probably never leave this place

im glad that now i know its not just me being “bad at being a human”, i just wish it helped me get more kindness and help

i dont want to be one of those “autism is my only personality trait” people, but everyday i realize more and more how a lot of what i do is indeed because of the autism, i just wish someone gave me a manual on how to work with it

im not capable of getting a regular job, and its scaring me a lot for the future as there isnt any social security service that could help me here

im just sharing not to ask for sympathy or solutions, but because i dont have anywhere else to vent without it sounding like im looking for excuses

im drowning and then swimming up for a second, then drowning again, im so tired

[natsmagi]

idk how you're staying alive with all these people telling you how you SHOULD draw your art or what THEY want from you. I would've been ignoring so hard by now. why can't people be the change the want to see in the world. gandhi nd all that. whatever. literally it's SO Not Your Problem. you are so patient when are you getting canonized as a saint?????

FJDSHKFH PLEASE u could DEFINITELY see my patience running thin the other day. i was super tired and cranky which didnt help either so i def wouldnt call myself a saint!! esp since i have prominent anger management issues in my personal life and can be petty to a fault AKSJHFK

these last few asks tho have felt genuine to me, and i dont want to ignore peoples very real frustrations when it comes to body representation in media. im aware that its not really my problem as im just a fanartist who is only doing this as a hobby, but i still wish to hear them out bc it does suck not seeing people who look like you in the media you love time and time again, so i cant fault them for being fed up. you can criticize the approach and all, but i dont want to invalidate or ignore their feelings. obviously i cant draw every single portrayal people wish to see, nor is that really what i want from my account, but i want us to at least encourage people To get creative with it. and even if i dont start incorporating new things into my femstars art, i still think its valuable for when i make more personal stuff. its still good to have this knowledge, understanding and perspective i feel, especially if u wish to further ur artistic skills, which i do!

my patience or whatever we should call it is mainly just. me interpreting what the person is saying as something genuine and from the heart. and i cant really bring myself to be mad at that. i dont exactly know how to help, but i feel the least i can do is to hear them out

[feminetomboy]

Do you have any chrysalis snippets you could share mayhaps?

I love you for this, anything to get me away from my thesis. I don't have that much energy to write creatively these days, but I do have this:

It's one afternoon, scorching hot and tired as all hell, that he stumbles into his house with the lull of painkillers fresh in his blood and his father leaned against the living room wall.

"Are you and that hybrid kid together?" He asks before Tubbo has the chance to breathe, no pretense at all because that isn't something he's known for these days. It's mostly the bitter red whiskey at his side, the Old Jameson's with his name on it. "I found a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Junior's got some real sharp teeth on 'im." He's not drunk enough to slur his words yet, at least not more than usual, so today must have been good.

Tubbo's glad.

His father deserves good days.

"Yes we are, pa," he tells him, every bit cautious as he is sincere. There's much more nuance to it, in reality, but this ends the conversation better than starts it, better than denial that none of them are good at, anyway, especially not in front of each other.

"He make you happy?"

It's a good day for sure, then. Because he doesn't ask specifics and he doesn't curse him out for being weak and falling in love.

Tubbo feels his right ear flick. "Yeah. Yeah he does."

There's a curious glint in his father's slanted eyes, then, something warm and… Relieved, almost.

Tubbo can hear the baseball match from the living room, TV loud enough he could discern which team was winning even from behind the heavy-wood entrance. One of the players just hit a homerun. To his credit, his father's eyes keep on him, with the same sticky warmth from a few seconds ago.

"'m happy for you, kiddo."

There's sweet residue on the washed out plywood of the hallway–likely liquor–something he'll have to clean up sooner rather than later, along with the rest of the house. His shirt smells horribly so. There are remains of god knows what behind his fingernails, despite the single-use gloves and all the washing and soap, just clinging to his skin like he didn't wish anything more to be clean. His eyes are full of burnt flour.

"Your pops loves you, kid. Hope ya know that," he says.

[cassie-moore]

Silent prayer..gerald, pleasd hear me. Its my birthday I dont know if you went bk again and dont envision u continuing to reward her behavior with time with you, trips or experiences after she unfollowed and unliked everything, after her behavior in vegas, after her behavior every day… its thoughts that creep in that i dont understand

Its been a journey to say the least to give true and pure patience, because thats what true love is they say according to Corinthians (i honestly dont know the bible bit thats what they say)…its not because im “always around”..im trying to do it different w you bc its the dependable love that i think you deserve to feel, and truthfully with the craziness of work, a love that i feel like you prob need to feel your own kind of “safe”…in the male sense. I havent been rewarded with any amt of your time and im terrified that all the cool experiences or beautiful places are going to mask over the things that matter in the foundation i guess

….

Thats the prayer. The thought to self is

Im terrified sarah called it long ago that he’ll choose that..something that ultimately i walked asay from bc i was tired of hearing it. Im terrified that i will lose him to an “annoying sounding girl w pear fingers thats not good enough for him.” And it was like a week and a half ago that he would have agreed when they were on outs i think. Thought comes to mind that just because she smokes and chills doesnt make her cool and clean like his mom. She’d never compare to his mom. His mom was respected and regarded that way bc she was profound with her words, educated, motivated with her creative and most importantly so kind to all, that everyone gravitated to her. Everyone who met his mom loved her. I learned that about his mom in just the one simple instance. People who meet this girl say shes “not all that” I opened this app and saw the post from his choosing quality. (Well first on feed was a penned happy birthday gerald did to diddy article) I wish i could hear him say my name. I dont even know what my name sounds like coming out of him. I listen to his music to calm me but he just names other girls which makes me skip forward if its a low day. But the post just now feed is from his which is higher quality taping. He knows superior quality, which is why he keeps having whatever issues w this girl. The quality lies deep within and engrained into character of someone. It wont change if it already reared its head in the first year of a relationship. I know hes gotta know that. I know he recognizes quality as well in the areas of love and equal partnership

I was prepared to lose him if i had to. But to watch him reward a girl yet again that showed game playing and vanity and manipulation from the getgo like her intentionally doing things she did in first weeks jist shook the quality from getgo. Its who she is. She is nothing like his mom was. And every hour he spends in a tropical beautiful place w her isnt going to change the foundation.

Who doesnt fall in love when they go to amazing places like paris and st tropez and their family homes and hawaii. The love that matters is the love thats felt without games without precedence. And all the cool shit and bonding over chill and travel is the icing on the cake that makes it feel untouchable

Deliriously happy doesnt happen or sustain on the wrong foundation

I sigh. Its not the entry i wanted to write on my birthday. I just want to be awe-inspiring from our deliriously happy love because of its..

Quality.

His stripe designer shirt munching on rose lollipops is in the back of my head

[cellestehouse]

My skin rotten, my bones too feeble, my heart shattered.

So much shit has happened, and im not sure i can overcome this.

Where do i even begin, im afraid i have become suicidal again, the thought of it seems rather luring lately, romantic even, i fantasize about smiling while letting a bus hits me or feeling all my burdens be taken away as i fall from the top of a building. I fantasize about what to write and who to adress in my last letter, wondering if they would even understand.

I've been in a lot of pain lately, i miss my best friend, or at least i miss when we were best friends at all, i miss my ex, i miss when she would gift me the sweetest words, the most gentle touch, the kindest of gestures. I miss my cat, my dear friend, she always knew how to cheer me up, maybe she didn't know but she did it anyway. I've lost so much in little time, i have nowhere else to go, i feel, trapped, chained, shattered, as if i had lost my light.

I have become a bitter person, and i hate it, i hate snapping at people who don't deserve to see my anger, it pains me to be this sad vessel of what i once was, it pains me to have no kind words to say when i look at the mirror, it pains me to have lost myself in this pain.

I have grown tired, everyday i feel myself lose strength, my energy, my will, my imagination, my creativity, my colors, my soul. I feel it all die down, and with it, i lost any reason to keep on going.

I wish i wasn't broken, i wish my heart wasn't rotten, i wish my mind wasn't so fucked. I wish i didn't feel so helpless all the time.

I have no songs for this post, so I have some of my personal favorites. It always eases my mind, even if only a little.

[lqfiles]

i hope you don’t mind the spam now that i know many asks don’t bother you 🤫🤫 anyways THESE BONUS CHAPTERS???? i would love to be this creative cause wth honestly i wish i could come up with as many ideas as u

i dont have much to say tbh i just love sending you these ANYWAYS im glad you’re feeling better :) sending many hugs !! ❤️❤️❤️

also i today i got an awful stomach ache after drinking soda for the first time in a while so i had to miss school and also i played fortnite w my friend and he got angry cause me and my bff were ass … anyways HOW WAS YOUR DAY??? i always get excited when you answer asks cause (im gonna be honest here) you’re the only creator i send asks to so it is super interesting to know abt your day

hope you rest well today too!!! love uuu

- 🐣 anon

BROOO TRUST THE CREATIVITY IS BARELY THERE LOLL the next bonus one is gonna be the last probs cos i can’t think of anything else to add on, but that’s also good because that means i can move onto writing other stuff YAYY!!

hsjdhdjdj that’s so cute i love receiving your asks too anon~ and thank you i think i’ve fully healed by now? well sorta kinda, and i’d love a hug you’re so cute :((

oh my, i hope you’re feeling better now !!! be careful with what you consume 😭 but at least you got to miss school, i think that’s fun! AND YOURE JUST LIKE ME IM ASS AT FORTNITE TOO i don’t play it but my younger brother is sooo good at it so every few months he will be like “u wanna try?” and well.. seems like we’re both ass 😅

my day was actually quite bad but i’m alright now loll. i kinda woke up late, and then my bus came late too which made me come to college 20 minutes late. i still had cramps and then at school i stained my skirt so that was fun.. i was just really tired but it was all good when i got home and napped for like 3 hrs. i feel so special knowing i’m the only person you send asks to omfg.. you’re making me blush ILY !!!!

hope you have a nice day or amazing sleep 💋

[itboysatoru]

I completely understand, the fact tumblr with these shit updates and the 28388338 ads, and now the buy a verification checkmark?? Why is a writing app, aka a blog website copying the ‘trends’ of twitter or instagram (dont answer that ik its for money) but every app (off topic) is copying each other and im done because the creativity isnt it. The issue with tumblr is that they dont really care, theres a surge of 5 fucking ads in one scroll, porn bots, and using praises such as you said pretty much only gives the big accs/writers a big fucking megamind, without the actual mind, I’ve been studying peoples writing on here and it’s nothing special?? I wish they could take down the writers writing about fucking scat and swallowing piss, because if they can’t do anything at least do that shit?? And the glitches my fucking glitches are insane and im legit tired

this app is just horrible over all and i hate how people just normalize this. like be so fr its disgusting what half the people post on here and its just??? especially when they dont tag it correctly either. also fuck the glitches. and on ur other ask, ive left my accs several times and atp im just happy to be in a lil bubble where im not pressured (i still want my validation)