#i won't be prepared for that at all

[niyana-the-ambiguous-mobian]

If they have this boy have a heart to heart conversation with Wade about his trauma and opening up about deeply regressed feelings he had when growing up by himself without his father or tribe to guide to where it affected him to stay too close to others for a time, which reveals why he doesn't feel like he should get close to the Wachowski family and drop it suddenly on us during a goofy/fun episode, I am going to fucking lose my shit.

[angel-hole]

SUPTOBER DAY 01 - liminal in the beginning

4 And I looked, and, behold, a whirlwind came out of the north, a great cloud, and a fire infolding itself, and a brightness was about it, and out of the midst thereof as the colour of amber, out of the midst of the fire.

5 Also out of the midst thereof came the likeness of four living creatures. And this was their appearance;

— Ezekiel 1:4—5

[tethered-heartstrings]

hiii! just wanted to give everyone a heads up that I am having gender-affirming surgery next week and will very likely not be on very much if at all as I recover. I will try and have memes and posts scheduled but I probably won't be able to make more when those run out. I'll also up my queue/rb my old posts. in my absence please feel free to check out my ao3/fic masterlist and older memes/metas/etc. or my ko-fi if you like what i make!

[vimbry]

jumping off the back of the post about genres of song lyrics, another thing about tmbg's lyrics in particular is that even when they write about pleasant themes, they still manage to frequently do so through a sinister lens:

the experience of having children and looking after them:

a nice little nightlight protecting a child muses on the shortcomings it would have outside its assigned responsibility:

fantasising about getting high in the park with your crush:

[arrow-v-flash-polls]

The Flash Suit went though quite a few changes over the years but which suit did you like best?

[sherlocking-out-loud]

about buddie, I think we're heading for divorce arc 2.0 turbo mode - where it's Buck's time to ask Eddie if he ever stopped to think about Christopher. and it will be ugly and heartbreaking to watch them fight. and they may not even be on speaking terms when this season ends. maybe Eddie feels such shame for having failed as a father and for disappointing Buck, that he just shuts down and isolates himself, feeling unworthy of forgiveness.

so, I'd love it if in this season (maybe even in the finale) we'd have a parallel with 5x13. Eddie would be sitting on the floor, cell phone in hand, browsing through hundreds of photos he has accumulated of Buck with Chris, and Buck with himself, at work and outside of it. one after the other, happy and funny memories of their time together over the years. maybe in between shots of him looking and the pictures with a terribly sad expression (and Ryan would nail this so hard), we could have little montages of the moments from those photos, a buddie best off, so to speak. and then Eddie just breaks down. he cries and cries and cries, but this time?... this time, he's all alone.

roll credits, enter hiatus.

[sharkneto]

Hey, sorry if this is a bit of a personal question - and feel free to ignore it if it is - but how did you know you wanted to start hrt? I am someone who IDs as transmasc and knows in an ideal world, I would've loved to have been born a guy. But the idea of going on hormones is terrifying because I can't figure out if I really want it... I worry about regretting it, or it making me 'unappealing' physically, or my friends judging me for it. Did you ever struggle with similar worries?

I think every person thinking about and starting HRT goes through this. A rite of passage, if you will, and also not a bad thing to do. HRT is a big step, some of the changes (especially on T) are irreversible. It's good to think through if it's a choice that's right for you or not.

That said, it's also Just A Thing You Can Do. I first started really questioning my gender at the end of 2020 (thank you, Elliot Page, for coming out and making me go "oh shit, you can do that?"). I got a therapist to talk about gender... Mid 2022? And started hormones spring 2023, top surgery a year later.

Before getting the therapist, I spent over a year Just Thinking About It. And a lot of the thoughts were around the changes on T and if I'd like them or not or if I'd regret them. If I'd be ugly, after being conventionally attractive as a woman.

It hits a point, though, where eventually you have to pull the plug one way or another. I spent a lot of time thinking about how my body would change on T. A Lot. With longing. I caught myself putting things off Until I Knew For Sure and because I didn't want to do it while being perceived as a woman. I was sitting, treading water for a hypothetical Later that I could start moving towards at any time. I was scared for the Teenage Round 2 phase, and didn't want to spend months being "ugly and awkward", but then the months passed anyway and I was still in the same spot.

HRT isn't an all-or-nothing thing, you can ease into it on a low dose. My doctor started me on a low dose and we ramped up over months. Some T changes can start pretty quickly (voice dropping, bottom growth - this isn't true for everyone, but was true for me). If these changes excite you, make you feel good - great! Keep going! If they scare you, feel wrong - stop. Assess. Figure out what about it isn't right (a gender therapist for all of this process is a Huge Help). In early days if you stop T, the changes can revert, for the most part. But you can always stop at any time.

The bigger thing I actively worked to wrap my head around before starting HRT is - Who Cares If You're Wrong? What's right for you now might not be right for you later. The idea of detransitioning was scary to me, society has such a weird spotlight on it, the Right uses people who have detransitioned as props against transition. But it shouldn't matter. At the end of the day, if I do change my mind, I'll know myself better, and I don't think it's wrong to chase and find comfort in your own body.

A year+ on T, I've mostly made it through the ugly duck phase, I think. I was lucky, I didn't get bad acne or get too oily or anything (after having horrible acne in my first puberty). Most of what I dealt with was the chronic baby face, where I was getting read as male but a teenager - I'm almost 30 and a woman wanted to card me over a free T-shirt at a baseball game because it had beer logos on it. After some middle months of changes and going "oh my god what am I doing" and not feeling confident in how this was all going to turn out, I think of myself as relatively attractive and I think I'm just going to get more vain as my beard comes in. Some of that is physical, sure, but I think a significant amount of that is me feeling more confident in myself and liking the body I'm in more. I was never a selfie or picture person, now I am. I joke I'm like a budgie, always looking at myself if there's a reflective surface nearby. I'm more excited to exercise, I'm interested in lifting weights for the first time, I'm curious what my body on T can do and become. Keep your eyes on the pieces that are going well, the changes exciting you, and let the rest catch up.

My social circle helped a lot. I'm very lucky and blessed to have great friends and family, all of whom are supportive. If you don't have friends who are supportive of you, that are judging you for exploring yourself rather than lifting you up for it, it's a sign to expand the social circle and find ones that are. Family is harder, but that's a thing you have to navigate for yourself and find your own boundaries for.

So, there's no ~one moment~ where you're 100% certain that medical transition is right for you. It's a huge unknown and you're changing the body you've had your entire life. At some point, though, you just have to jump and see how it lands. Part of being alive is making mistakes and doing things you might regret.

That said, the regret rate for trans people is something like 3%. The regret rate for knee surgery is something like 20%. Trust yourself.

[hazele-omega]

haven't posted art in a while because of the whole Tumblr scraping thing, but I'm really proud of this one so I will be brave today

Presenting: good Zed art yay

[crybabycunt]

Kate: Did you ever think your life as a hired assassin would come to an end because you tossed a girl off a building?

Yelena: (with a coy grin) Not until we made eye contact… then that's precisely how I thought it'd go.

[swampthingking]

oh! oh </3 oh!! okay!

[daz4i]

sometimes i'm considering self shipping with a character but am not sure. but then i realize that combining our names creates a decent ship name so like, i kinda have to, right? oh nooooo guess there's no other choice. anyway how do we feel about dangenti

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

Laissez-moi votre main, voyons, elle a la fièvre.

Here it is, as promised! A gifset of my favourite low-key horny tender scene between charmingly blithely oblivious Roxane & lethally touch-starved Cyrano ^_^

Eternal thanks to Benoit Solès & Clara Huet for changing me fundamentally as a person via this scene

(Psst! Looking for the Le Bret equivalent of this interaction? Look no further...)

[calamitoustide]

idk if you remember but im the person who told you that id fail my biology exam if you didnt post.

I DIDNT!!

(passing marks were 37.5 and i got 39💀✌️)

idk i was just thinking abt it recently 🧍🧍(cz im guving exams again)

i remember! i didn't realize you were the same person that was like dear reader era wasn't it

[ryansjane]

for info, this scene in ifylita ep 7:

is extra funny considering nonkul played a rapper in wannabe just last year... and he's damn good at it too!

[tapakah0]

just wanted to let you know that your art means,,, so much to me.

like I love your aus and the animatics you make are absolutely spectacular!! I’m amazed every time I see something you make and your art is just so cute and comfy<3

[pearl-kite]

So one of the benefits of pharm tech is I can see what our warehouse has and, if we're out of something, when we can get more, right

We're out of my dose of generic vyvanse

It's on backorder

Our warehouse is saying maaaaaybe end of september, maybe mid-october, TBD, lots of TBD

I have my psych appointment today. My refill is going to be Thursday. We don't have it and won't have it.

So the debate I get to deal with before my appointment is: do I ask for it and pray we chance into a few bottles? Or that my new insurance will pay for brand? Or do I ask for Adderall and hope that we have enough of THOSE just long enough to get me a refill before that also goes on backorder?

😶