#i wonder how i wouldve felt as a kid reading this

[cluelylikesporn]

okay exam update cuz im actually really pissed off.

so im autistic + adhd, and only been diagnosed relatively recently, so i havent really been getting assistance until now. (autism diagnosis last year, adhd 2 years ago.)

my last exam was (still is) this period, and im going home once i finish it. one of my other exams i was sent to special ed (it’s called different things in australia and other schools but i dont wanna get doxxed) and the chick helping me (we’ll call her charlie) told me she couldnt even read the questions out to me… like i legit get more help in my normal exam conditions.

she told me WHILE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK “i think i know why your so upset, because you know you dont listen in class and just sleep and draw on your hand.” cunt, what..?

HOW ARE YOU WORKING WITH NEURODIVERGENT KIDS..?

i literally have spent my whole life wondering why i cant listen in class and hearing “just reread it.” or “your not listening hard enough.” is so fucking tiring. maybe explain it? she refused to help me because i “wasnt approved” to have a helper

the school knows im autistic so why do i have to be approved to get the help i need? like you dont have to make up all these forms and files. you have teachers who can help me literally in the building who could help me but you refuse.

okok i got rlly off topic but tldr on what happened today:

my teacher sent me to the special ed area to do my exam (last time he did they told me to go back) also shout out to my english teacher hes a legend. he gave me my sheet, i took a ritalin, said bye to the people i liked and left. (i used to take ritalin daily but now i jst take it to focus better in exams and shit)

i went to se and saw a couple kids i knew. one i hated and didnt know why he was there, one who has some mental problems so i understood why he was there. hes a sweetie. and some chick i knew who broke her wrist and had to write on a laptop.

so one by one they were assigned a teacher who would sit with them and help them/ read out questions and then the lady said “oh chloe your not supposed to be here, you have to go back to class.”

are you fucking kidding me.

i completely understand its not her or my teachers fault im not meant to be there, but im allowed to be a little frustrated. i asked why i kept getting sent here and why i couldn’t get help.

same shit about documents and boring stuff.

keep in mind i get ndis funding so i thought that would impact my education experience but nope, literally nothing. i also understand there could be things my mum hasnt done and that’s completely ok she has her own life, but also THE SCHOOL KNOWS IM AUTISTIC. that should be enough. its like i only get the help if i start ditching class and become an eshay or some shit like i shouldnt have to become a troubled kid to get help.

so the lady said my only benefit i even got from the school is like 5 minutes extra time. and she told me i could either go back to class or do my exam here( which means i could get no help/ questions read to me.)

ngl this was dumb of me but i said ok bc i didnt want to go back to class after saying bye to everyone😭

so i sat there with one airpod in, a pen that didnt fucking work, the only help i could get was eavesdropping on what the assistant teachers were saying but they were so quiet. i did manage to write some stuff but it was pretty fucking stressful. i couldnt stop thinking about what charlie said (the lady helping me with my maths the week before.)

this may sound super dumb but i saw a crow fly onto a table outside and i felt like it was watching over me. like it was looking right at me. it made me feel a bit better and i got some work done.

it wouldve been fine if those fucking assistant teachers didnt keep giving me pitiful looks like bro. i know im fucked.

anyway i finished my exam (barely) and went to the bathroom to tell my friend ab what happened, caught a bus home and am about to play dbd 😾

sorry for the long post im jst so pissed😭 but ily guys and ill post i swear🙏

song of the day:

[mahoushoujotechsupport]

ok episode 16 time!

oh wow i forgot how jarring this episode feels after episode 15 since we just like go right back to where we left off in 14 after sophie's death and the eri reveal

also look at that, prospera got up from her desk chair but immediately sat down again. i wonder if belmeria is aware at all about prospera's mobility issues too

forgot about this line lol this makes suletta somehow getting her into hots-san pretty much a miracle

ok yea yea prospera shrug memes aside, this part of this scene is so good lol. like prospera just fucking calls belmeria out on her hypocrisy. belmeria is such a coward lmao.

i don't really have an opinion on the fact that she lived to see the end, but i feel like she doesn't get shit on enough for being complicit in all the evil shit peil gets up to. i was really excited to see prospera call her out at the beginning of this episode when i first watched lol

the news broadcast frames are always so interesting to me in this whole show lol. like it's probably the easiest and kind of laziest way to do worldbuilding, but given how few eps we got and what a mess s2 is, i guess i'll take it

also cracking up at the wording on this last screencap and focusing entirely on the spacian economy instead of you know the earthian lives being snuffed out for literally no reason

wonder if they'd been planning to be turncoats since this moment

i mentioned it before but like this little lesbian snuck cool-san around this whole time lol

also imagine how she felt the moment she turned her phone back on to find a barrage of messages from suletta

i dont think i'd ever stopped to read the messages here as secelia is scrolling through her phone, so it's interesting to see that last one asking if suletta saved everyone

the most confusing shot and line to have ever happened in this entire show lmao

how strong is chuchu that you need suletta and lilique to hold her back

jubeju gone but not forgotten to the memes

the birth of something so insane lmao i still can't get over sabinika's existence

even with magical permet minerals creating quantum entanglement internet capabilities across electronics, how are we supposed to believe guel just made his way up the space elevator with no money or identification

god i really wanted feng jun to play a bigger role in everything and then lol

best boy till

ah, here we go...

i wonder if any of the earth house kids picked up on miorine getting upset when prospera showed up. like you'd think maybe till or something wouldve noticed, right?

this scene was so satisfying after what a creep el5n has been since his introduction

love this frame composition. this entire scene is honestly one of my favorites and the voice acting throughout it is top notch

really gotta wonder about the people who were hating on miorine mid-season. like were they just not paying attention? so much of her emotions are displayed to us through her body language

and i really just love the part in this scene when suletta starts fidgeting and we SEE miorine notices this. we SEE miorine notice that suletta is deeply uncomfortable with this conversation. it's such a blink or you'll miss it moment and i just really appreciate that detail

i really wish we would have gotten miorine finding out more about the vanadis incident on-screen instead of it being part of all the things that got off-screened in the second of the show

like at some point her and suletta had to have talked about all this, yeah? suletta even has "first-hand" knowledge of sorts because of eri pummeling her with data transfer memories

i just really want to see that conversation so bad. i can't imagine how miorine feels knowing it was her kuso oyaji that started all this and destroyed elnora's family. it just adds to my headcanon that miorine has not forgiven him at the end

prince miorine

ok no lie, i was in a terrible mood yesterday and then i opened twitter on my phone and the first thing i saw was anilu's prince ferdinand miorine and i just turned into that meme and was like "MIORINE!"

*looney tunes wolf whistle gif*

yeah ok getting whiplash again with this episode right after 15. the weird jump back to 14 plot is just so strange

this is a great episode though. like it already heightens the tension and we know something is about to happen but god none of us were ready for 17 lmao

i think i watched the greenhouse conversation a million times after this ep aired and after the 17 break week. i really can't express how amazing i think the voice acting is on that part and although i honestly don't know shit about sound engineering, the softness and vulnerability in miorine's voice throughout that whole scene is just amazing

alright, definitely not watching ep 17 tonight, but gonna try and watch tomorrow

[fangirlingpuggle]

My head has been on blast with ideas after reading your post about danny being clockwork and pariahs kid reincarnated; there is so much potential with that

Clockwork and pariah being mad at the observants cause they had to have known that danny was their kid reincarnated and must have blocked clockwork’s sight so he wouldnt realize that danny is his kid so he would actually end up killing danny, but danny reminding him so much of pariah made him reconsider and also after losing a kid he wouldnt dare take the life of one if he could avoid it

Of course the observants would need a reason to want to have danny killed and maybe its cause they knew that if he wasnt, that theyd be found out and murdered so they keep trying to get him killed and are hostile towards danny in most interactions; maybe the even staged the whole thing that lead to him becoming evil so that theyd have a reason to have danny killed?

Then theres finding out what really happened that caused danny to get killed in his past life and getting justice for that

Im thinking that pariah’s more of an ancient than a ghost of a person since hes with clockwork; his obsession would probably be something related to justice and order and having his kid die? With an obsession related to justice? It would make sense for him to go to the extreme with it and seek vengeance and justice for his child

The potential for this whole thing to be orchestrated by the observants who saw that, if the timeline continued as it was with pariah having a good reign as king, that theyd lose power and, cause they didnt want that, they had planned on killing pariah but, as you stated, that fails and they realize that killing the kid would grant them the same effect and going for that or maybe danny wouldve died cause he tried to protect his dad? Depends on how old he is when he’d died; i think you said he died young so theres the guilt potential if he wasnt old enough to have his own persona yet (like a toddler or elementary school child) but then there’s also the guilt potential if hes a rebellious? Or reckless? Kid whos trying to get the attention of his (too busy) parents so when he catches the attack on his dad of course he tries to stop it and dies and then theres the potential for parental guilt due to this

In the later scenario, it’d actually be better if the observants didnt plan to kill the child and, because it happened, they realized they could take advantage of the ensuing fallout that ultimately leads to pariah dark being sealed away, the observants retaining their power, and clockwork being so focused on his duty and his grief that he doesnt really try anything to stop them

The observants potentially having a hold over clockwork due to some oath form the past would add to the plot and make it so its not just easy destruction; pariah having to redeem himself to the allies he turned against and no longer having the power of the crown or ring of rage would also be important for creating a fun and interesting plot

I love the idea of danny just going with the flow of it cause his core makes him trust them; there was a fanfic i read a long while back where danny was the reincarnation of a prior heir to the ghost throne and how he had started getting dreams that felt like memories or had things that occurred that reminded him of certain things from his past life; im almost wondering if this would be a fun addition to this au or if he’d be too young to have memories at all from his past life

Then theres the other ghosts realizing theyd fucked up big time which is hilarious cause on one hand, angry pariah and clockwork, but also danny wouldnt let them harm the other ghosts so theyd obviously relent for their baby boy; but maybe there’d be some kind of camaraderie that occurs due to this? Maybe skulker helping them uncover the truth or something like that? Idk yet

But the whole plot with the fentons??? That’s gonna be crazy and no doubt stressful for danny cause on one hand, his parents are all he knows even though he knows they arent the best; but on the other hand, clockwork and pariah treat him well and he feels safe with them and something about them is so familiar and he doesnt quite understand it; im wondering if maybe his appearance will change now that his core is connected to his parents? Then theres the ghost biology stuff to consider; is he absorbing ectoplasm from his parents now that the connection is there? Does he gain powers that his parents have due to this? Does he get more powerful now that his ghost half is eating properly?

And when he learns whats going on?? That’s gonna be a lot for him to digest; of course danny wants to help his parents again but theyre wayyy more protective this time around so danny, being who he is, will most definitely get into shenanigans that he shouldnt be getting into which both stresses out clockwork and makes pariah proud cause hes so much like pariah even if he doesnt remember everything

Dani getting added into the mix later on and clockwork and pariah being ecstatic about it; then that creates the question of how are ghost children formed? Their two ancients formed of ideas; is it something that happens cause they wish for it and the ghost zone answers their wish? Is it a sharing of ectoplasm that forms another being that they nurse until it forms into its own being?

And of course, with the fentons being as they are and clockwork and pariah not being cool with it, there’d be the anxiety that danny would have to go through with managing how to handle that whole scenario and being conflicted about what to do; im sure jazz would be involved with this in some way or form as he figures out how the family situation is going to be after this

Id love to hear your thoughts on this!! Also, are you planning on writing a fanfic about it?

No pressure if you dont want to respond!

Hey there! Thank you so much I’m glad you like the AU idea. Sorry I am not planning on writing a fic on this AU sorry.

Yeah I thought that somehow Clockwork’s sight being blocked, like the Observants saw that and put all their effort into making sure that one detail could not be seen, like instead just being static.

The observants would probably want Danny out of the picture because if CW and Pariah find out about him being their kid then that would encourage them to work together again and be a united front and if they worked together again all the other ancients could follow and all the ancients together against them could overthrow them (It’s why they were most definitely not so sad about Pariah going mad the first time after all CW was broken after losing his son and husband and defiantly less inclined to ’act out’ and all the other ancients split apart and the observants were still in power)

I don’t think they’d have been able to interfere and act on making Danny into Dan but definitely saw that one future and pointed it out to clockwork the one who could interact and try to make sure he’s taken care of and pushed very very hard for CW to ‘take care of it’ him not was worrying but…. CW met the boy and didn’t realize so they didn’t think there was a way for CW to realize, both parents met him and didn’t realize they must have gotten off scot-free…and then Vlad did the core thing.

YES! Pariah being a ghost of order/justice is so good him losing his Kid pushing his obsession his domain/powers to the extreme and him becoming a tyrant that is such a good idea.

I defiantly pictured Danny being a toddler or very young child killed in some almost assassination against Pariah…which would totally feed into that justice/order obsession or even protection obsession.

(Or perhaps Ghost Hunters which would make things so interesting with the Fenton’s)

I think the observants didn’t plan but totally took advantage of it like I said before it fractured the ancients and ensured their continued position and power…. It’s why they didn’t exactly warn either parent about what they observed or the possibility.

 Oh clockwork having a vow to the Observants is so interesting, and that fic sounds really cool.

Oh yeah all the other ghosts realizing and freaking the FUCK OUT, they would totally help Pariah and Clockwork out and please Phantom tell them not to kill us…please.

Oh yep the Fenton thing would be very awkward (Especially if it was ghosthunters who killed Danny before) he’d defiantly develop different powers maybe completely different from both parents (He could have space powers maybe that would play into the space obsession Danny AU’s) I think he was already much more powerful than an average ghost or halfa but the core connection definitely speed the powers up.

Yeo all of this would be a lot for him, but at least now support structure to help him with everything, 2 very overprotective parents (Overprotective being an understatement) ….and fright knight stuck as babysitter/bodyguard, Fright Knight is stuck keeping Danny out of shenanigans and that is a full-time job and if he wasn’t already dead he would have died of the many heart attacks Danny has given him.

Clockwork is stressed but overly fond because yeah Danny is much like Pariah and him but also stressed out because oh god he’s so much like Pariah and him. Pariah is the parent whose told your son got into a fight and asks did he win? (Although either way he would obliterate whoever fought his son)

Yep Dani getting to the mixed would be so fun. Not sure about the ghost thing maybe core’s mixing between mates?

I can see Jazz somehow getting adopted by Pariah and CW to, her looking over the political state of the infinite realms and coming up with ideas.

Thanks the ask sorry if I didn’t answer everything I’m so glad you like this AU idea =)

[awriterscollective]

— five nights at freddys: security breach.

— sun & moon with a teenage!reader.

— warnings: reader does math but sun & moon help.

— authors notes: had this thought in my head while heading to bed so i honestly just had to write it before i lost motivation. honestly made this kinda self indulgent so reader might seem a bit autistic or at the very least easily overwhelmed.

it was weird to see people over the age of eleven around the daycare; especially when it was a fifteen year old teen with other friends closer to their age. the attendants of superstar daycare knew you had those, just about everytime you visited, there was always at least one other teenager with you, seemingly dropping you off. originally they thought you were just pranking them until seeing how well you got along with the kids. around other kids your age and adults, you were quiet, shy, and even a little reserved. normally you didnt talk, or make many actions. honestly it looked like you had a pair of earbuds in with music playing as you had just quietly sat off to the side, listening to people when they talked to you, or listening in on conversations.

but around the daycare attendants and younger kids, you were especially lively. eventually they got used to seeing your face around, and even made the extra effort to give you a friendly greeting !! you played with the kids no matter what they were playing, made crafts with sun and the smaller ones, you even helped moon get them settled down for naptime, but one thing they noticed were that you always had your earbuds in, commonly checking your music, or changing it to a different song. they also noticed that on days where you didnt have your music, you were especially anxious, and easily overwhelmed.

theyve seen some of the kids comforting you whenever youve felt too overwhelmed from the sounds, environment, or even just the texture, as well as spotted some of your more teenage friends dropping stuff off for you to help calm you. moon and sun eventually noticed that you dont really go anywhere but the daycare. there have been the rare occasions that you went out with some friends for an hour or two before coming back. it was wonderful !! they thought your company was quite lovely. they never wouldve expected such shy and quiet, yet easily excitable and friendly behaviour from a teenager your age.

today, however, was a rather quiet day at the daycare. less kids were there to watch the show, or simply for other matters. but you were there, like normal. it was the usual, just like any other average day you came by. you were brought in by the group of teenagers you seemed to hang out with, the tallest letting you know where to find them, and that if you couldnt to just text them before they went on their way. like usual, sun greeted you with his cheery mood, but something seemed off today. you looked stressed, and like you were about to break down at any given minute, despite the music that played over your earbuds.

currently, you could be found in the arts and crafts section, avoiding the few kids that lingered around the daycare playing tag. you were reading something while writing and also drawing something. it wasnt long until sun came to investigate what was wrong, craning his head away from the group of children, and over to your lowered head as you struggled to understand something. you looked upset, like you wanted to just angrily close the book and toss it into a garbage bin before playing with the kids.

he made his way to you, taking a seat on your right side. honestly, you wouldnt have noticed him if it werent for the looming shadow he cast over you while trying to look at what you were reading. when you took your right earbud out, that's when he processed that it was okay to talk. “ why are you not playing with the other kids, sunshine? ” his rays spun in confusion as you moved your head up to look at him, eyes following just a few seconds behind. it took you a moment before you managed to respond. “ im... uh... i-.. im working on studying for exams... ” you mumbled out shyly, fidgeting with your mechanical pencils. the smile on his face seemed to soften with his tone.

“ you look stressed... if you want to, you can go play with the kids for now, and maybe moon can help you during naptime? ” the tall animatronic tried to throw out a suggestion. it wasnt good to be stressed !! nonono it really wasnt. he watched as you gave a small glance to a few of the kids playing out in the open, trying to catch kids in the play structures. “ or, if you want, i could try to help !! ” your attention turned to sun before you shook your head with a shy smile, getting up out of the short seat. “ ill work on it during naptime... could you make sure my papers dont get lost, mr sunny? ” “ of course !! ” he grinned happily, waving you bye as you ran off to join the smaller kids.

.

when naptime came around, the kids were far more exhausted then moon wouldve expected them to be, everyone kinda just falling asleep wherever was comfortable for them. but as he expected, you still stayed awake. and like sun had offered, moon was willing to help you with studying. you waited idly beside him as he pulled down a folder with your papers in it before handing it to you. begrudgingly, you took the papers. youd rather do anything else instead of schoolwork. but itd be worth it in a week.

what you hadnt been expecting was a helpful answer tip sheet inside of the folder, with a note from sun. you could tell who it was from just based off of the smiley face and the small sun in the corner. it was a reassuring note. you couldnt help but smile at the note, hearing a hum from moon before the animatronic spoke up. “ what class are you studying for? ” he questioned, taking a gander inside of the book you had been looking in. “ its... uh.. math. ” you felt yourself cringe at the mention of the topic. math truly wasnt your strong suit as moon shifted his seat to sit closer. it would make it easier for him to help as you tried your best to start back up.

you knew his gaze was fixated on the paper. he was keeping an eye on what you were writing down, referencing back to the book before reaching over and lightly tapping on where you messed up. “ thats supposed to be an improper fraction. ” he informed, gaining a puzzled look for a moment before it clicked in your head, you quickly changing your answer. “ like that? ” “ yes ! and... that— ” he tapped his finger against the paper again, right where you had been working on. “ recheck your math, try to simplify it. take a look at the book if you need to, ” you looked over what you had written, before checking the book, and quickly redoing your answer, mumbling out a happy little “ thanks ” to the robot.

so uh, reader originally wasnt supposed to be doing math lmao. kinda just happened, but ykw that's okay because i still got everyone to interact.

[slut4supersoldiers]

REMEMBER THAT (pt.2)

Chris Evans X Reader Words: 1k+ Summary: This time it's Chris who needs saving. Warnings: Anxiety, description of a mild anxiety attack Stress, insecurities, self doubt, foul language maybe A/n: This can be read as a part 2 to ‘as long as you need’. I am thinking of turning this into a series ☺️ I have had one of the absolute trashy days in a while and I needed another indulgent fic but I decided to put a twist on it. Sorry if this sucks. Sending love and hugs to anyone who needs it. If you suffer from anxiety or the likes of it I hope you get all the help and love you need. You deserve it ❤️

(e/n): ex name

Y/n couldn’t remember exactly when she fell for Chris. Maybe it was the first time she met him. That day she remembered very clearly. 

Upon Scott’s insistence (y/n) travelled to Boston from LA where she was staying with Scott. She met Scott through work and both soon became inseparable. She knew how close Scott was to his family mostly because he never gave up talking about how much he missed them. So it didn’t come as a surprise to her when her friend kept bouncing on the seat with anticipation throughout the flight.

After a seven hours journey and multiple flight movies later they had arrived at Lisa Evans’ home in Boston. She was just as warm and amicable as (y/n) had imagined. The absence of ruth and 100 watt smile was something you were sure she passed down to her kids.

As expected the the house was filled with accquitances and family. Laughter and endless conversations were flowing. Hours passed and (y/n) felt like she had shaken more hands and hugged more people than she was usually used to. By the end of the day as much as she hated to admit it she had forgotten most of the names of Scott’s friends’ and extended family and all their stories began sounding much the same. She didn’t remember a lot but she remembered him. She remembered Chris. 

An unsuspecting Scott was suddenly tackled by a larger man as the two of them stood by Shana and Carly. She heard the laughter before she saw his face.

“Chris stop it. Get off me you jerk!” Scott tried to push his brother away who had now held the younger man in a headlock. 

“You’ve gone weak Scott. Need to work out more instead of being lazy.” Chris said through his laugh. Beside (y/n) the sisters both shook their heads and walked away as if understanding that their request of asking their brothers to act like mature adults would only fall on deaf ears.

“Well not all of us are Captain America.” Scott broke free from his brother's onslaught and shoved him jokingly. This made Chris laugh harder and she remembered looking at him in that moment. Like really looking at him!

His head thrown back, a hand on his pec. His eyes covered with glasses and a cap with a big B on the front. As much as she wouldn’t admit it to anyone (y/n) also remembered ogling at the way his shirt seemed to hug his muscles almost as if it could tear with any more movement. She also remembered a voice in her head silently praying for that to happen.

Scott talked about his brother quite often. He had once asked (y/n) if she’d be open to dating him. At that she had choked on her coffee and almost given poor Scott a fright. After that he momentarily stopped his match making gambit. And the reason behind that was that Chris was taken or “it’s some on again off again thing” according to Scott. But right before they arrived in Boston, Scott had commented “they’re done for good and he is better off without her”, when (y/n) had asked if Chris would be there too. And better off he was!

(y/n) remembered Scott introducing them. She remembered Scott’s poor attempt at setting the two of them up. She remembered calling the younger man out for his lack of skills at playing Cupid and she definitely remembered a boisterous laugh leaving Chris’ incredibly inviting lips. She remembered feeling proud that yes! She made Chris Evans laugh. However, she failed to remember protecting her own heart from falling for Chris.

(Y/n) was fairly certain she developed feelings for Chris that day. Or maybe it was when he told her he’d like to get to know her better at the end of the day. Or maybe it was when he travelled to New York on her birthday in the middle of the night because she had casually mentioned she didn’t want to be alone on that day.  Or maybe it was how caring, patient and  perceptive he was. He always took care of her. In the short time they spent together he soon became a confidante, a pillar and a shoulder to lean on on her darkest days. 

So when he stood in front of her right now with red rimmed eyes and a tear stained face she didn't know what to do. The roles were reversed and she could only stare at him. 

As if sensing her uncertainty Chris said softly, “I didn’t know where else to go.” 

“Christopher. Come in!” she opened the door wider letting him enter. He made a beeline to the couch and held the yellow throw pillow closer to his chest. He looked so small and so broken. She was scared to reach out and touch him worried she would break him with the slightest touch. 

“I am sorry.” His hoarse voice broke her out of her rivière. 

“What are you sorry for?” (y/n) took the chance and reached out to him. He didn't move. She didn't pull back.

“I am sorry I came over unannounced.” He sniffled, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve.

“Christopher you never have to apologize to me. I am always here for you, remember that!” Chris smiled a little. Whenever (y/n) called him ‘Christopher’ it made him smile. Or maybe it was just being with her that made him happier. But right now even her hand over his couldn't take the weight off his shoulders. A sob suddenly raked through his body as he felt the wave of melancholy wash over him again. (y/n) was taken aback as Chris slouched further, his head now on her lap. She rubbed his back hoping to make the broken man feel better.

“Christopher, bub you have to talk to me.” she shifted a little so he could lie down more comfortably.

“(e/n) called me last night.” Chris said in a low voice.

(Y/n) straightened up a little bit. Before he could even say anything else (y/n) had already began plotting ways to murder her. How could she hurt him? How could she hurt the man (y/n) loved...as a friend obviously!

“What did she say?” (y/n) looked at Chris who was now sitting up. His cheeks were wet with tears and all (y/n) wanted was to grab his face and plant small kisses all over his face till he felt better.

“She...uh...she said i would regret breaking up with her and that no one would want to be with me because i am getting older and no one will put up with me and i will crawl back to her.” By the time he was done he had moved away from (y/n) and if that wasn't indication enough the redness spreading across his ears and cheeks told her how embarrassed he was. He had curled up on the other end of the sofa, his breathing labored, hands wriggling together. In the time that they had been friends, (y/n) had learnt to read his body language a bit. She knew he was about to have an attack. 

In an instant she was kneeling in front of him. 

“Okay listen to me. Everything that she said was wrong. It's all lies. She is trying to get in your head and mess with you. Christopher, you're a wonderful man. You are so kind, you're loving. You're incredibly talented and hard working. You are giving and you love so completely and so deeply and any woman in this world would be lucky to be with you.” (y/n) held his hand in hers. 

“You’re a good man in a bad situation. This isn’t your fault. You have a good heart. And I promise you that this feeling of despair is fleeting. It will go away and till that time comes I am here. I am not going anywhere and we can move through this together.” Had it not been for her words that left him tongue tied or his erratic heart beats that stopped him from thinking Chris wouldve told (y/n) how much he loved her in that moment. But for now he settled for a soft smile. (Y/n) mirrored it.

As he breathing evened out he slid down to the floor to sit in front of (y/n). He leaned closer and so did (y/n). Their foreheads now touching. Eyes downcast. Fingers brushing just shy from completely intertwining. Heart beating in a synced rhythm like a sweet symphony. She didn't look up and neither did he afraid that their eyes might speak the words they were hesitant to.

(y/n) couldn’t remember when she fell for Chris but she knew that with every passing day she was only falling deeper...

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[azrielsribbon]

!!! A COURT OF SILVER FLAME SPOILERS !!!

Alternatively, Asli finished the book in like six hours and has many, many thoughts.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, SOME CASSIAN AND NESSIAN AS A WHOLE.

holy shit. this is a lot.

She has grown so much, and I mean that by the little things.

I love that sjm didn’t make it so she was addicted to the wine and sex

Okay I understand Nesta was frustrating sometimes because she really was stubborn but some of the shit Cassian said was really out of line. Especially when he screamed that no one like fucking liked her.

Cassian was down so bad this entire book and I knew that the moment he said he hadn’t bed a female in two years. He was STARVINGGG

Her determination in getting down those stairs, I probably wouldve tested myself down a window or something.

I liked how she bonded with the House. It was a refreshing, different take on loneliness and finding a friend.

The House and how it looked after her. It was the biggest thing in her journey.

One theme I see in Nesta a lot is self sabotage, especially when it means the safety of others. She’s ready to throw herself in front of them.

Her banter with Cassian was really nice to read.

WHEN SHE MENTIONED HAVING A THREESOME TWICE I DIED

Cassian and his backstory was rip. It was really sad thinking about how little kid Cass really regretted some of the things that even he couldn’t control.

sjm did not disappoint with inner thoughts. Those were really refreshing.

She wasn’t vividly jealous or furious at Mor and Cassian’s friendship and I really liked that take.

Cassian’s silent jealously when Helion tries to flirt with Nesta and she dodged it LMAOOO

When Cassian kisses her in front of their family to help her get out of the map

Her silent bond with Az! That kept me going honestly. He was a sly bastard sometimes.

Sometimes I really questioned somethings, like those fast smut scenes but that’s just my preference.

Her marching down to Amren’s after she finds out they voted against her having the weapons she Made

Not to mention how she told Feyre about the baby and the labor risk out of anger, that really hurt both of them and me.

When she stayed silent during her punishment hike with Cassian. Each thought tore me apart.

When he warned her about falling and she was glad he didn’t see the expression on her face. How she didn’t mind if she fell down and how it would better.

When she cried after all those days of silence and finally told him how she felt underneath all that.

He softened up fast too and blamed himself for not realizing all this time why she hated the fire.

Can we talk about that dancing scene with Eris? And how Cassian was secretly exploding on the side as he remembered her mother wanted her to marry a Prince just like Eris.

WHEN ERIS ASKED RHYS WHAT HE WANTED IN EXCHANGE FOR NESTA TO BE HIS BRIDE AFTER LIKE A COUPLE DANCED LMAOO

The Solstice scene had my heart. The gift Az got Nesta and how she hugged him after he told her about it. How Cassian smiled at the sight.

HOW CASS GOT HER A LITTLE MUSIC BOX RECORDED WITH THE MUSIC FROM THE BALLROOM AND HOW HE ASKED THE MUSICIANS TO PERFORM IT FOR HIM AFTER EVERYONE LEFT SO HE COULD GET IT FOR HERRRR

They really kept shit away from each other till it exploded in an argument and that’s a reoccurring theme with this book couple.

WHAT MADE ME SO FRUSTRATED WAS HOW HE WANTED TO STAY IN HER BED AFTER SEX AND SHE WANTED TO CUDDLE BUT THEY DIDNT SAY ANYTHING AND ASSUMED THE OTHER DIDNT WANT IT

The topic of mates was RUSHED. Like I mean really rushed. First they argue, he says shackled and then the next time they get to speak (after the forced Blood Rite and labor scene) they accept it? I dont know, it didn’t sit with me.

I wish Nesta would elaborate on why she didn’t believe in Mates even more and Cassian would actually listen for once. Again, rushed.

The ending was fast paced in my opinion. We could’ve really had more to go off of, I needed more domestic Nessian.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, GWYN, EMERIE

I am obsessed with Gwyn, Emerie and their friendship with Nesta.

I love how Gwyn and Nesta started, both gritting their teeth and still appreciating that aspect of each other.

How Nesta raced to help her with a book even when their first encounter wasn’t the friendliest.

Gwyn being persistent in paying back her small debt. I love her.

When Gwyn applied to defense lessons after Nesta defended them from the scholar priestess.

Emerie, my homegirl. I love her to death. The way she easily befriends Nesta, how Nesta stands up for her when her cousin comes to bother her.

I don’t know if it was just me, but Emerie and Mor might possibly be something. Either good friends or interested lovers.

THE WAY EMERIE BONDED OVER SMUTTY NOVELS WITH THE OTHER GIRLS AND LET THEM BORROW HER STUFFFFFF

Gwyn helping Nesta with her research on Valkyries. Muah.

Gwyn and Az, I feel like something might happen here and if it does, I do not want any Elriel drama getting dragged in, MY GIRL GWYN HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH OKAY

Gwyn thinking she doesn’t deserve the purity jewel the other priestesses wear and her backstory honestly just broke me. She endured so much.

Emerie and everything she lost. Her mother, her brother, her wings and any dreams she had of flying. How she distracts herself with work and gardening to keep that off her mind.

The way the girls all developed inside jokes, jokingly hanged up on Cassian at training and always had Nesta’s back.

The way they were dedicated to each other even during the Rite when they couldve let one another behind and won.

HER SISTERSSS I CRIED I WOULD DIE FOR THIS MF TRIOOOO

ON THE TOPIC OF THE INNER CIRCLE + THE ARCHERON PARENTS

Fey-ruh was pregoooo she and Rhys raw dogged it

I felt really really bad when no one fucking told her she would die because the baby had wings and she wasn’t fit to give birth like that. Like. What.

Can we talk about how they fucked when Feyre was in her Illyrian form and didn’t think the thing through?

Rhys, I can’t stand the guy. First he wants to make a bargain with his mate that they die together and then he wants to keep it from her that she can die when giving birth to their kid.

I think what pissed me off the most was when he was trying to help Cassian get Nesta out of a nightmare/power “episode” and had to experience what she did with the Cauldron and seeing Elain and Cassian hurt. He said he knew she was feeling something but seeing and feeling it yourself was different. Yeah, what else did you think smartass.

Rhys has a habit of keeping important shit secret, Amren is no better either. I think that’s what pissed me off the most. They sometimes kept the too important shit away.

As much as Nesta grew, so did Feyre. They both developed pretty good in my mind, I don’t hate her as much as I despise Rhys sometimes. All and all I love how she and Nesta ended up.

Amren....I get her point about Nesta using and abusing their friendship. At the same time, sometimes she was too harsh.

Elain, darling old cottage core aesthetic Elain. I found her to be a little insufferable sometimes. How she showed up unexpectedly at the Library to talk to Nesta and they got into an argument was funny to me since Nesta pulled out some stuff on her.

ELAIN THANKING NESTA AND SAYING FINALLY AFTER SHE TELLS HER TO “OH FUCK OFF” AT THE SOLSTICE PARTY WAS SO RANDOM

Elain and Lucien is some fucked up shit. I understand how she doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that they’re mates and all that but you can atleast thank the guy when he gives you a gift on Solstice.

I feel bad for Lucien because as sweet as Elain might show to be, she’s really hurting him and could just reject him if she really doesn’t want him.

AZ AZ AZ I LOVE HIM AND HIS SLY MOMENTS

Az when he cockblocks is the best thing. Do it more often.

Az and Nesta’s bond is something I want to see more, as well as how she literally thought about a threesome with him and Cassian.

Morriiiiigan. Everyone mentions her beauty and how she’s like the sun walking and I admire that. She wasn’t as annoying as I thought she’d be on the topic of Nesta and Cassian being an item.

She also wasn’t in the book as much which made sense since she was in Vallahan. I did like how she accepted Nessian towards the end.

The long awaited Mrs Archeron. Some of my theories about her proved true! About how she groomed her daughters into marriage ideologies at the worst age. 12 and 11? What the fuck?

The way she called Elain a pretty thing with no ambition at 11, no wonder Nesta and Elain have no proper knowledge of survival like Feyre did. She was set on making sure Nesta married someone who would treat her well, Elain married someone rich since her beauty was beyond all three of them.

Literally Mrs Archeron was not okay LMAOOO why are you telling your daughters this when they haven’t even bled yet damn CHILL

I felt bad since she didn’t care for Feyre and only their father doted on Elain and Feyre. Nesta was kept all to her mother to feed off Mrs Archeron’s narcissism.

Not to mention she died a year later

I found it funny Elain mentioned how at 15, Nesta even had their dad fearing her. Like it’s your daughter, wdym you fear her

The backstory on how Nesta treated him and how she feels now looking back. It was saddening and I unfortunately know the regret of not doing somethings. It must eat her alive.

I enjoyed reading this book, even if I wasn’t content with the ending. I tabbed a LOT of things so you’ll probably catch me editing and adding more to this in the morning. Thank you for reading all the way down here! 🤍

[localspirit]

were u ever skeptical of witchcraft/spiritualism? im asking cuz i think that the biggest reason why i haven't had much success with these things is because even though i would try to keep an open mind while i'm working there's still in the back of my brain that idea that it's not gonna work and i think that's why it doesn't work for me cuz i can't get over that hurdle. was wondering if u ever experienced the same thing when u were starting

i am so fucking sorry cherry this is 10 paragraphs long

okay hmmm.. i'll say yes because my religious beliefs didnt mention anything about reincarnation, ghosts, really a 'life after death' besides heaven / hell. i was always so confused when hearing ghost stories bc like umm how can that happen.. theyre supposed to be in heaven... etc. my circle was also small in middle school / early highschool and the only witches i knew were cringe 'wiccan' emo white girls in school and on tumblr who would only say they were witches to amplify their edginess. so yea i would say i was skeptical, but not a harsh 'your beliefs are wrong' and 'youre delusional' skeptic that many are. i was always open and curious to know more.

i experienced things when i was a kid, not crazy paranormal activity, but like when i would lay on my back to sleep, it would feel like i was swaying on a ship in the middle of the ocean. (because i was accidentally meditating). and i would never feel truly 'alone' even if nobody was around me, so when i was alone in my room, house, or walking home by myself, i would 'talk to myself' as if i was talking to somebody standing right next to me. i think that mightve been what intrigued me to know more. i started to (try to) meditate when i was 14 and performed my first spell at 14 too. it was a curse but i had no clue what i was doing, and magic is mostly intention so of course it didnt work LOL. it just looked like it did.

watching videos and reading listings by PROFESSIONAL spirit workers and witches helped me learn a lot. i actually jumped into spirit work last december when i saw an ebay listing for a 'haunted porcelain clown'. i collect porcelain clowns because i am a freak and when i read that it was haunted i just knew it was real- not gave it the benefit of the doubt, i treated it like it was real from the beginning. i told everybody i was excited for my new friend to arrive. and the night he came over i experienced quite a bit of activity from him. i think he felt my excitement ??! because spirits can read and feel peoples emotions. i dont think he wouldve been happy like that if i was a skeptic and doubted he was present. he would actually be a bit annoyed and sad, so why bother with the activity. as a spirit worker i really look up to put it,

“I do not recommend the purchase of a spirit vessel for anyone who is purchasing solely for the aspect of entertaining friends and family. This is not fair to the spirit, as this is not the reason he or she wanted to be adopted. [...] They are more willing to communicate with people who have their best interests at heart, and they are less likely to communicate and make things "happen" around you if you are strictly trying to put on a show for people. This will annoy the "?*#!" out of them, and they will most often not comply! If they do comply, you might want to run. (And again, I am NOT responsible for the outcome. You're on your own if you piss them off). If they do not retaliate against you for making a circus freak out of them, which would be the worst case scenario, they are extremely likely to jump ship. (Leave the vessel you purchased, leave your home, and find another item to attach to).”

i forgot where i was going with this 😀 i think i was saying: activity is more likely to happen if you keep an open mind, open heart, and have good intentions in mind. which is hard to do BUT! just keep reminding yourself there are ppl who work with spirits every day (me! DING!), see them every day, communicate with them every day (mediums), and their jobs revolve around them. they are 1000% real.

magic is a bit harder to prove because magic depends on yourself, not outside forces and beings like spirit work. magic is 1% ingredients / instructions and 99% intention and belief. if you perform a spell and say the entire time ‘this wont work’ it will most certainly not work. if youre inexperienced but go into a spell saying ‘i am so excited for this. i am so happy things are abt to change. this will be the catalyst for my wanted outcome’ it will most certainly WORK. intention is literal energy you are putting into the spellwork. your intention means everything. just like if you try a new hobby, if you go into it saying ‘i dont know... i dont think this will go well... why am i even trying’ then your intention is way way down and youre not hopeful at all. hope is key, and hope increases a LOT when you see professional witches speak of how they went into magic as a novice. i have a video in mind you might like or benefit from (-:

i still, TO THIS DAY, doubt myself sometimes with my developing psychic abilities, divination (tarot), and spellwork despite my work being confirmed by different spirit workers around the world. our brains are literally hardwired to believe the negative first. ‘this wont work.’ ‘this isnt real.’ ‘this will never happen.’ ‘im stuck here forever.’ i understand. we are all like this. but i think with a lot of inner work and confidence we can rewire our brains to see what really is around us and what our natural abilities are if we have a certain mindset.

not to mention several cultures around the world speak of spirits- even spiritwork. western media uses these as a grab for money. not to mention selling things like sacred sage, merchandise with chakra symbols on them, and either fake crystals or real crystals that are not ethically sourced for MONEY. meanwhile they shame other cultures, point fingers and mock them for their work with spirits and beliefs of the soul. this is why you dont see many spiritworkers around here. thats why there are more fake psychics than real ones- and when they are real, they are ridiculed over and over again because it ‘cant possibly be real’. thats the western world for you. also... im not chirstian but didnt the bible say something like ‘father, son.... holy SPIRIT’? 🤨 hmm. interesting. hmm. curious. i am very intelligent.

i think you just need to continue to tell yourself that magic is real, spirits are real, all around us, and life would be too simple if spirits showed themselves every time somebody asked. life would be too simple if our brains were programmed to see the positive first. idk why we as living being are like this, but i know that everybody is actually capable of performing magic and communicating with spirits. communication could be as simple as ‘if youre here, can you touch my arm?’ and you feeling your arm get numb, or holding a pendulum and seeing it swing. that was my communication when i first started, so of course i would tell myself ‘oh, my arm is just cold.’ or ‘oh, i swung it on accident.’ now i hear their voices, feel them more solidly, and they visit my dreams and are able to recite the dream before i explain what it was.

again! if i were u i would READ HAUNTED ITEM LISTINGS! preferably on etsy, because the ones on ebay are so short. the ones who are pretty popularly known spirit workers (you will know from how many reviews and purchases theyve gotten) have so much information. i learn something new every time i read a new one because there are so many types of spirits that manifest in different forms. (and yes, fairies, djinn, vampires, mermaids, and fae are real! hard to believe I KNOW!! my mind was blown). psychic abilities such as clair(audience, sentience, voyance), telepathy, and mind reading are also real. and we ALL have the capability to have them. we just need to work a lot on it and build up on them. this goes for intuition as well.

ummm i really hope im not forgetting anything. AND SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. i really could go on forever about this. i think its so cool you are interested in these things because curiosity and doubt is the first step that i took to get where i am rn. and rn im not even a great spiritworker or anything. im still trying really hard to build up on my abilities, communicate better, and amplify my spells.

[cassyapper]

loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

[unloved-cadillac]

Firstly to start off with, ummm a white kurtan, yes please, I know this bitch looks good whatever hes wearing, so it dont matter, BUT THE BLACK TANK TOP OOFFFF YOU BETTER STOP, ITS NOT GOOD FOR MY HEALTH. But moving on, I've finished reading the whole thing now, and I'm writing this in notes, so if you're getting thing like 40 minutes later it's because I'm drafting my ask. Basically I'm just gonna skim read it again and just give you my thoughts and any feedback, if that's okay with you, you can ignore this if you want to, I completely understand. I dont mind at all 😊😊

Ok to start off with, the exposition was really good, you've set the tone and introduced the Ackerman family really beautifully. When I read it initially the fact that Levi did not want a family or to get married was quite emphasised upon to me, and I'm really looking forward for the inevitable development and how his view changes as the chapters go on. I also love how you introduced Farlan and Isabel, and lightly touched upon how they met, you didnt go into too much detail and I really like that, it kept me focused on the actual story itself, which is about Levi and not Farlan. And Farlan wanting tto marry her 😢😢. I think it's really really sweet and I cant wait to see more of them. I love it so much.

The transition from setting the scene to their father being poisoned was not something I was expecting and made me go oh shit he dead. Part of me felt like it was moving too quick, but the other part of me loved the shock factor of it since it happened so suddenly. I didnt think of it as too big of an issue though, it was still enjoyable to read.

The whole encounter with the peasant guy made me wonder just how many more people there are like him, that dislike the Ackermans and would try to kill them. And whether y/n would be one of them. Also I got a bit confused as to who was speaking whether it was Farlan or Levi, but I read the sentence again and it was fine, I understood, so maybe I was just being a dumb bitch.

Oooh a quick point Levi sympathising with the criminal was really touching and made me feel warm and gooey. It shows that hes not a dick and does actually care about his people. But it also shows he has clear boundaries and is really firm. He will make a great leader in the future.

YESSS BODYGUARD ERWINNN!!!!! I WAS LITERALLY TELLING MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY, ERWIN AND LEVI BODYGUARD AU IS THE BESTT. YES SWEETIE UGH ITS FANTASTIC. IVE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT IM SAYING IT AGAIN I LOVE IT.

Carrying on, I love the whole Erwin/Levi/Farlan interaction, of course Erwin knows everything, why wouldnt he, hes a boss ass bitch. Also again, reaffirming that Levi does not want a wife, nOicE. Really builds up his future development.

The difference in Levi's and Farlan's reaction is comical. Ones there waving and smiling and the other ones there like fuck off leave me alone. ALSO WHOEVER SAID THEY'LL GIVE UP THEIR VIRGINTY SAME GURLL SAMEEE, I WOULD TOO YOURE NOT ALONE. AND YES FARLAN IT IS FUNNY, IT MADE ME LAUGH.

Awww the people are so nice, offering things for free, that's how you know you're loved by your people, I rate it, rate Levi sm.

Okay my guy, imma need you stop for a second and relax. Taking your top of??? And your scarf??? Okay big man, I see you, I see you, looking fine af. Ahhh I love imagining this in my brain, so stimulating.

Anyways, Y/N'S HERE NOWWW YES BITCHHH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE, TURN IT UPPPP.

Nanaba being my sister is absolutely exquisite *chefs kiss*. I really thought you'd maybe put Petra, and then Petra would like Levi as well, but no its Nanaba and I fucking love her so so much. Also not really relevant, but I dont have any older sisters, but I do have older cousin sisters and I call my favourite one didi mooni (I think that's how you spell it, or muni idk) and yeah it just reminded me of her. I haven't seen her in so so long because of the pandemic and I miss her :(

Ah. So. Y/N does hate the royals. I wanna know why?? Does she think they're overrated?? A bad experience maybe?? Everyone else seems to love them. I'll just have to wait and see I guess.

ALSO PLEASE TELL ME THE LITTLE KID WAS MIKASA!!! IM HOPING SO SO MUCH ITS MIKASA, IT PROBABLY ISNT BECAUSE SHES AN ACKERMAN HERSELF BUT I CAN STILL HOPE!!! SHES SO CUTEEE AND ADORABLE AWWWW WEVIIII 🥺🥺🥺

THEY SELL TEAAA AHHH ITS A LOVE STORY BOUND TO HAPPEN. AND HE HASNT TRIED THEM YETT!!!! YES OMGGG TEA DATES, THEY CAN BOTH SIT DOW AND SHE CAN INTRODUCE HIM TO NEW SHITT AHHHH MY HEARTTTT 🥰🥰🥰IM GETTING WAYYYY AHEAD OF MYSELF.I need to calm down.

The whole meeting with Levi and Y/N was so adorable. It felt really short and I want more, but its okayyy, hopefully there are more chapters. Them locking eyes, him following her to get the leaves, HIM HELPING HER PICK UP THE BLOODY LEAVES, THE HAIR PART REMINDS ME OF IN BOLLYWOOD MOVIES WHEN THE PROTAGS HAIR GETS STUCK IN THE GUYS WATCH OR THEIR DUPATTA OR SOMETHING. OMGG Y/N IS ONE LUCKY BITCH.

Also since you havent specified the race of y/n, just wanted to ask is she Indian?? Or it it unspecified?? You wrote that she blushed bright red and many dark skinned readers wont be able relate. So yeah I'm not too sure whether that was intentional or not, I'm sorry if I'm mistaken though. I mean no harm at all.

Farlan's relationship with Levi is just beautiful, like I know I'm using the word beautiful a lot, but their broship is immaculate. Something else that I love.

Both Levi and Y/N not wanting to get married is hilarious. I really like how you've characterised her, shes really fierce, independent and seems really kind and caring as well. I really like this Y/N, very family oriented.

If I was her dad I would've taken the money. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ Not complaining about it because my dad would've done the exact same thing, but if I was him I wouldve taken it. Sis is broke, sis needs all the money she can get.

Both parties questioning Levi and Y/N is hilarious, fucking Erwin, I love him so much I stg. I'd sacrifice my life for him. Hes best boy 😇😇

I feel like this is really really long already so I'll quickly sum everything up, if you got this far you deserve a clap on the back and a medal, because I've basically just waffled. I really really enjoyed this chapter, it was very good in terms of introductions and getting to know the characters, I loved the initial meeting between levi and y/n and it did make my heart flutter quite a bit so that's that. I dont have any complaints really, just small minor things I've mentioned before and that's it. I really look forward to the coming chapters!!! Thank you so so much for writing it. Please make sure you're taking regular breaks and keeping hydrated and healthy. Thanks sweetie xxx 🥰🥰🥰

I’ve read this WHOLE thing..twice. I can’t stop smiling omf you’re so sweet! But, yeah minor shit I didn’t mention and I left it up to reader. Like the skin tone, sheesh. I don’t want any problems with that, I just said red blush to signify embarrassment. Reader is reader no matter what.

Aren’t we all broke af? But I liked the idea of the father being humble about it. Lol. Idk.

I don’t want to get into too much detail because that will obviously ruin the story but I love your ideas. Tea dates?! How cute! Erwin is the best, of course. He knows ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and he’s the kind of person who would follow his princes no matter what. Till the end, you know?

As I said, highly inspired by Bollywood movies lol.

You took your time and wrote all of this and I’m so fucking happy that you did. I can’t wait for all of you to see the upcoming chapters. I hope that you’re staying happy and hydrated as well. Also, happy Shivratri! (If you celebrate for it) and to everyone else celebrating.

-Caddy.

[whatthefuuuuuuccckkkk]

okay this is my last post I know I'm being very annoying and I hate to clog the tag but I just have to scream into the void for a while if you disagree or you're annoyed with me please just scroll past this rant thank you

- the hitman plot. god. we all hate that shit. what I realllllly hate is how long and drawn out it is. should've been one episode tops, like when dean tried it. I want to say, that obviously it's not gonna work bcz it would be stupid to kill off the character carrying the entire show, but at this point maybe they are gonna kill him off??? idfk. maybe it's a punishment for all the people (everyone) who like him. truthfully the whole "murder is our only way out of this" attitude is disappointing and seemingly out of character for all of the girls. Boomer attacked annie and they let him fuckin live. They knew he was a fuckin rapist piece of shit, and a regular piece of shit too, but couldn't kill someone. But apparently killing someone beth, at one point, felt some typa way about...smh..apparently that is A ok and they don't even explore other options or feel the least bit guilty?? even when they "mourned" boomer it was more about marion than him. But rio and his whole ass innocent child are not a thought at all??? Wild. Truly. Also....what do they think will happen?? If I were a gang leader's right hand the first person I would check upon seeing my boss get murdered would probably be the person who tried to murder him last time lmao. Do they really think they would get away with it? Even if they didnt get caught, they wouldnt be off the hook. Surely mick would just keep things going, with even less leeway. And what happens when their illegal activities bite them in the ass when Rio is gone? Who are they gonna blame everything on? Who is gonna clean up their mess? No one. And this whole "I'm not doing it, wait yes I am, wait no I'm not, wait I'm gonna do it" thing the hitman is doing is...not it. I'm assuming were gonna get an explanation about how he knew that this was a crime of passion (lol)

-beth beth beth......you know there is a theory floating around that she has serious ptsd and I actually would love to see that explored but that shit ain't happening lol. I'm tired of feeling like I'm analyzing her character. At what point is it too much. She's hard to read but I think it has crossed the line over complex and ventured into poor characterization. She's gotten chances and chances and I'm tired. And dean. God I'm tired. I feel like all season I've been watching beth do the same thing, play good wifey, risk her (and Annie's and Ruby's) life by doing stupid shit..and that's basically it. Face some fckn consequences for your actions please. Take some responsibility. I feel like the show is showing us inklings of...something...bubbling underneath the surface but it's not our job to fill in the blanks or interpret shit. I do not work for nbc. I'm not getting paid for this. What is this girl thinking trying to get rio to invest in hot tubs (bless her calling dean an idiot. fuck this show for making him suddenly a good salesman) while trying to kill him. Does she think he dies and suddenly she owns it?? Makes zero sense. Also unpopular opinion i dont like that she caused a scene with the pool ball. Like....of course he isnt listening to you....you shot him...3 times....then stole from him....and have been screwing him over repeatedly.

-dean just....no. I understand that beth has so much going on in her life right now that divorce isn't exactly on her mind and dean is the last trace she has left of a normal life so shes holding onto it for dear life.....actually no. I do not know if any of that is actually true or if I'm just interpreting wrong. Because the subtext and editing and parallels and all that would be fine and dandy but not when that's all the show is at this point. If dean cheating yet again is not gonna make beth leave him, nothing will. I want his screentime to be 30 seconds and nothing more.

-im just not invested in the boland children. Annie and ruby have both struggled real bad, but beth, the one in the deepest, has 4 children who are somehow unaffected by this?? Not to mention the whole divorce, wait never mind, oh look a gang leader hanging out with mommy again, oh look our house is empty, type stuff happening. Beth's kids should be going through it but for some reason they arent? Maybe it's because child labor laws or something lol.

- rio. At this point I'm rooting for him for than anything. But I genuinely do not know why he hasnt killed beth. She's proven herself to be more of a liability than an asset and I just cannot understand why he hasnt killed her. Unless it's the whole "feelings" route, which wouldve made him look dumb, but made sense based on what we were given. This is actually the direction I thought the season was going but now it just seems like he is a bad businessman lol. Obviously she cant die for the sake of the show, but its like they didnt even try to make it make sense. He definitely knows about the hitman btw. I dont really blame him for anything he's done with beth so far. He robbed her in retaliation. He had to cut her off when she started acting shady. 🤷‍♀️ he let's her get away with too much tbh. It's a shame that this character isnt being utilized. Its like they are banking on this mysterious aura to keep working, but we are 3 seasons in and it's a little old now. I personally think that they just don't know what to do with him now. Also can I point out how dumb he looks showing beth that he is doing business at the carwash, why would he give her more information than she needs when he is suspicious of her? I cant tell if I was happy with how unphased he looked about her outburst or if I wish he checked her.

-mick. Did his side plot with beth die? How does it seem like this show simultaneously moves through plots every episode but is also stuck in the same one for the entire season? I also think mick is not being utilized. As funny as it is for him to be a built in 3rd wheel all the time, they could do so much more. Like can you imagine if beth mouthed off or fucked up and mick checked her? The possible ways a plot like that could go...untapped potential.

-ruby. Ah...I remember when I thought her and stan's fight was dragging for too long. Miss those days. See even tho ruby and stan seem to have the same issue over and over it's not the same story. Pen cap, new job, sarah stealing, all the same fight, but with different stories. And it really seems like Ruby's always going through it but I appreciate the variety. Stan's storyline has been interesting but I dont know how much it relates to the central plot. Sarah....great. that actress is so talented and even tho shes an attitude machine (what preteen is not) i just love her scenes. Harry seems to be missing a lot. The hills are the only part I seem to enjoy anymore. Really wish the show would explore why ruby seems to be the one who keeps getting caught up with the law...I wonder what it could be....what is different about her..hm...

- annie. Backtracked so much. Wish she had a single plot that didnt revolve around men. Now shes trying to cheat on her GED. Where's the snark? Where's the wit? It seems like all she is now is a codependent insecure mess. And I'm tired of this fuckass therapist. I thought her study montage was gonna end in a "she didnt need anyone but family (:" lesson but it did not for whatever reason. I thought by bringing a therapist into the show it was gonna give us more of a look at Annie's and Beth's upbringing and relationship. Or help annie work through her issues, the boomer thing too. Or maybe lead to Beth's ptsd diagnosis. Therapy could've helped move the plot forward or help the characters grow, but it's doing the opposite of that. If its not contributing to the main plot, what is its purpose? To give annie yet another terrible love interest?

To summarize....I hate it here.

[sharksfood]

I saw Onward last week with my friend who is an avid LARPer and fellow lover of all things fantasy, so it was a perfect movie for the two of us. in general I adored it! I’ll probably see it again if i have the time and of course, i’m getting it on BluRay. i would also LOVE to snag the art book since the character design for this film was probably my favorite part.

[some spoilers]

my biggest complaint (and its not a complaint, just a negative i guess) is that Onward didnt feel like a Pixar movie to me, both in the story and animation. the animation style wasnt as interesting as some of the Pixar movies in the past (though thats been kinda up or down for a while), and it didnt feel as fresh or mind-blowing. to me it fit in better with the regular Disney animated features, not Pixar. Especially in comparison to Toy Story 4, albeit theyre very different styles, something about it didn’t pop for me like most Pixar movies do. The story was a little bland with Pixar in mind, though i did love it! i just always think of Pixar as the studio that gives stories and feelings to things we usually don’t expect. And Onward i guess was so similar to real life that it didn’t feel that way. Maybe if they had pushed the fantasy-realism even more, or changed some modern things to fit with these creatures more (they did do this but i think they didn’t push it far enough), that would have sold me.

and i’m not gonna talk about it at length, but the whole “Disney making a big deal about their ‘first’ LGBT character and acting so high and mighty about it” did dull the magic for me. considering the police officer was in two scenes, plus she didn’t have ANY characterization beyond being a cop and having a gf with a kid, it really did not live up to Disney’s hype. i’m not saying she wasn’t “gay enough” or whatever, but had they not brought it up beforehand or made any “hype” about her, i would have liked her a lot more. To compare this to Paranorman (not everyone agrees its good rep) Mitch being gay wasn’t something for LAIKA to brag about. Had Disney followed suit, their “first” gay character wouldn’t have become a meme.

Okay, so for the good stuff, I am a huge sucker for sibling bonding and especially HEALING in fiction. it gets to me more between sisters, but still. Ian and Barley like each other and get along well, but they still have their problems and doubts. The fact that they grew into their own and with each other is beautiful, especially the fact that Ian now sees Barley as a father figure AND a brother. That is an element i haven’t seen before, let alone done this well. I also really appreciated the tension between them in that Ian thought Barley was a screw up, that he thought less than great about his actions and choices. This sort of thing isn’t explored in media enough, and I’d love to see more. I believe most people don’t consider that our siblings’ opinions do matter to us as much as our parents’.

Again, I LOVE the character designs in this film. Everyone looks unique and distinct while still having key traits for each species. I love these designs way more that those in Monsters U, which felt kinda cut-and-paste with the monsters. I loved how you could tell that even within the elves they were still different races (or at least coded) with hair, facial features, and skin tone, all the while still blue! They did this with other creatures too, like how Corey is black while also being a Manticore bcs of her hair texture (and of course the incredible voice of Octavia Spencer). And you know what diversity Disney added and made not a peep about? One of Ian’s school friends walks with crutches! I can’t say what his affliction is, but its wonderful to see some inclusion to disabled folks.

My favorite characters were Barley and Corey. Barley was just so incredibly well rounded, like he was perfectly imperfect. I could go on and on honestly. Corey on the other hand was just plain AWESOME! Her little personality crisis felt kind of rushed to me, but to me it fit as an allegory for the whole film; she is a magical and powerful creature who let herself become weighed down by modern society and lost her moxie. I also love that Corey and the boy’s mom, Laurel, became friends (but i wouldve died to see them as a couple). I really want to know more about Manticores in this universe, since she seemed like the only one, and also might be immortal?

What initially drew me to this movie was seeing a centaur character in the original trailer, as trivial as that sounds its true. I love centaurs so much, and they hold a special place in my life for many reasons. I was a bit dissapointed in that there was only two centaurs prominently shown in Onward; Colt and the gal playing DDR (which was adorable). In the trailer there was one more, but not in the film. I did really like Colt, and he’s growing on me more. But one thing that has not left my mind is why to the centaurs and satyrs not wear pants?! everyone else does!! its probably bcs Pixar wanted the audience to clearly read them as centaurs/satyrs so pants would cover their cool legs, but still.... Do they just have a different level of decency than others? I have to know. But I love that the centaurs have horse ears instead of human ones <3

Lastly, and this isn’t good or bad, but I just didn’t resonate with Ian and Barley bringing back their dad. I mean, it was very emotional and a great drive to the story, but since I still have my parents I guess I just couldn’t connect to it. I liked how they were able to characterize the boy’s dad with just legs, that was adorable and a huge feat for animation!

Some little things I want to mention: the final boss dragon was SO COOL, it reminded me of the giant Ralph at the end of Ralph Breaks the Internet how it was made out of pieces, Ian was accurately scared to drive for the first time and i FELT THAT, Barley went the entire movie with a broken arm/wrist and took every swing like a champ! that boy is so chaotic i love him. ALSO it was so cool how Ian and Barley had each bits and pieces of their parents looks! like Ian had his dad’s face and body but his mom’s eyes, etc. Love that choice family design

All in all, a dazzling and wonderful movie with great characters and a cool story/theme, just not what I would expect from Pixar.

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunty movie 1

sooo ruth and i watched the first hxh movie holla

me as soon as we’re done w/the yorknew arc: OH FUCKY ITS ANIME MOVIE TIME

i love anime movies. theyre so often Entertaining As Hell, and also Not Very Good. its a very fun intersection 

overall this movie slots pretty easily into that category. it was a good time but nothing revolutionary. which is ok! and that makes sense bc its not canon apparently 

this movie was basically the ‘killua and kurapika have Trauma(tm)’ movie lmao 

we open w/killua having a trauma dream abt illumi, rehashing the stuff we saw in the hunter exam arc....we see this a few more times in the movie, and it really drives home how killua is still rlly scared of illumi and kinda just goes into a dissociative trauma state whenever illumi is around (even fake doll illumi or dream illumi, in this movie). poor kid :( :( 

regrettably tho ruth and i agree that illumis outfit in this movie was pretty sexy 

ok that whole beginning part where kurapikas eyes get stolen happens SO fast hvbfhdjshfsk its like ok guess thats the status quo for this movie!

jesus poor kurapika. they cant catch a fuckgin break huh

also that kid was totally the kid that was alluded to by kurapika at the end of the yorknew arc...so i guess that was included in the anime as a setup for this movie? 

also apparently that stuff was based off of a short story thing the author did a while ago which is p cool

leorios terrible drawing skills is hvhbjsdfbsdfngsjkdf

also leorio is so tender w/kurapika hhhhhhh im gonna die. im gonna gay die

and gon and killua are just. tiny soulmate boyfriends ok 

ah yes i see the obligatory movie original character who befriends the protag

it kinda cracks me up how hostile killua is to retz like vhbhskhdfbaj i get that its bc of Trauma and his fear of betrayal/betraying but it also reads as killua being a Jealous Gay which is kinda hilarious 

ruth and i when hisoka shows up: [prolonged annoyed groaning and dismayed yelling]

hisoka literally just shows up to sow chaos and throw around information to stir shit up huh

of COURSE the villain is the former 4th spider thats like. easy choice lmao 

it might just be the fansubs but i feel like there were strong implications that hisoka and 4th spider guy fucked bhjdfashfdjnakn

the most unbelievable thing abt this whole thing is that hisoka didnt kill that doll guy lmao 

ohhh shit its uvo

OHHH SHIT NOBUNGA AND MACHI....its so bad but i really like the troupe members and when they show up im like !!!!!!!

machi is so cooooool

aughhhh its like....i feel bad for nobunga for having to face down uvo like this....and THEN when pakunoda shows up too :( and nobunga tells her doll ‘rest in peace now’ or something when he cuts her down....oof. but also like theyre evil murderers so im!?! conflicted?!?!

also the shadow beast guys that uvo killed showing up and then proceeding to do LITERALLY NOTHING was kinda hilarious

and damn so technically the troupe is on the same side as the main crew, what with all of them wanting to wreck omokages shit

also omokage looks like sephiroth lmaoooo 

ill be honest i barely know what sephiroth looks like but ruth said this and i felt in my bones that its true 

ok i gotta talk abt the kurapika backstory stuff bc OUUGHGHGHGHGH my fucking UWUS BITCH!!!!

seeing a bunch of kurta was sad....and seeing baby-er kurapika OUGH and also pairo is sooo cute and him and kurapikas friendship is so pure 

kurapika is so different :( theyre like, so much more innocent and excitable....thats so damn sad bro wtf 

pairo pulling some slick moves swapping that little potion thing - all while using his blindness as a cover - was so good...no wonder he and kurapika get along so well 

also gotta say its even more brutal that one of the main reasons kurapika didnt get Big Murdered w/the rest of the kurta is bc pairo pulled this stunt - if he hadnt, kurapika wouldve failed the test and never would have left 

also kurapika saying theyre gonna find someone who can help w/pairos eyes ;_; the similarities w/leorios backstory/motivation makes me die 

and seriously im still caught up at how innocent and pure kp is oooof ough 

tho still defs the kurapika we know....theyve seemingly always had a temper, what with the reaction to the dudes in the market 

like, kurapika did NOT hold back...even after finding out that they were just part of the test! tho i do get it bc they insulted pairo...kurapika’s love for their friends/stalwart need to defend their friends is clearly a big thing 

also the market people’s reaction to seeing kp’s red eyes is rlly interesting to me...are the kurta like, known to anybody? or are they more of a vaguely talked-about group that like, ‘probably exists’? or is it that people know abt them but not the red eyes thing? it seems like these people, if any, would know, bc this market is seemingly a day’s travel from where the kurta live....i want more kurta lore bro!!

i big love pairo helping kurapika cheat like that....such an interesting twist, and makes it obvious that theirs is a friendship of equals 

anyways i loved that flashback stuff and it just drives home how absolutely fucked up and horribly sad kurapikas whole existence is, especially in this movie w/pairo’s doll being used against them

n e ways back to the non flashback stuff

i love that gon’s super nose returned for this movie omg 

im just auhghghghgh gon and killua know each other so well uwu....

aaaand illumi (well, doll illumi) is back to fuck shit up for poor killua

ugh it still gets me how clearly terrified of illumi killua is...we dont really see him act like this any other time :( and the fact that doll-illumi was able to scare killua enough to get him to run away and leave gon behind (albeit briefly) was oof 

gon jumping in front of killua and getting his eyes stolen instead....baby boyyyy oughhh

also can i just say thank fuck they didnt replace illumis eyes w/gons bc THAT wouldve been some serious nightmare fuel lmao 

cant believe killua then ran away again and walked emo-ly on the train tracks 

and THEN he saw a train coming and was like oh well :( guess ill die :/ JESUS KID 

but gon w/his Big Sniff Powers comes to the rescue!!

it was so cute how gon told killua that killua didnt run and abandon him - they were working together to fight :’) gon understands killua so well 

i love how the squad then squads up to fight omokage...with half of them being blind lmao 

and in the half that isnt blind is leorio, who STILL doesnt know nen, and literally brings a knife to a nen fight 

i totally saw the whole ‘retz is a doll and her older brother is omokage, and retz actually died a while ago’ thing coming lol but still, not bad

all omokage does is talk abt the beauty of his dolls or w/e like ENOUGH bro 

kurapika fighting pairo and killua fighting illumi (AGAIN) was all so fucked up they shouldve switched opponents for less trauma oof 

and poor leorio is literally no help vhhvdijfhjbashkj he just gets throw around this whole time

kurapikas fight against pairo was sad bc it was such a fucked up situation...kp did gr8 tho, i liked them saying that this isnt the real pairo, cause pairo would never say/do these things. still and extremely sucky situation to be in! 

meanwhile its the gon and killua vs doll-illumi rematch...and this illumi is like, a version of illumi drawn from killuas mind/heart (or something idk, it was kinda glossed over which i understand), which means that hes extra scary and focused on telling killua how much hes just a mindless killing machine who cant have friends 

but luckily we have gon here to help snap killua out of his trauma haze, which certaintly wasnt the case at the hunter exam - so it was kinda nice to see how things went w/gon around :’) they work so well together oughhhhh....and they love each other so much broo gay preteen love real 

hisoka just fuckgin materializing in the house place to help sow more chaos....unbelievable 

me: i bet hisoka wont want to fight doll chrollo bc its not The Same as real chrollo 

ruth: no i think he will bc hes a whore 

hisoka: [fights doll chrollo] 

me: oh shit u right 

kurapika: ok omogake its time for you to FUCKING DIE- 

and then killua stops them and says that he’ll do it, be he doesnt want kurapika to kill anymore :( :( :( bro im sooo fucking sad. killua rlly b out here thinking that hes already too far gone to matter when it comes to murder, but he doesnt want his friends to end up like that, so he might as well take on that burden, because whats one more person’s death on his hands? (EVEN THO HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO KILL ANY MORE...but theres exceptions when it comes to saving your friend’s souls and whatnot) :( :( AUGHHH

but luckily retz comes THRU with some good ole fratricide

killua: [takes notes]

the fact that the phantom troupe just fuckgin shows up and is like oh hey its you guys. this casual enemy stuff kills me lmao i love it 

then they just fuckgin LEAVE and theyre like welllll we cant rlly fight u bc of chrollo’s state so by i guess. its NOT On Sight but someday it will be! YOU TOO HISOKA DONT THINK WE FUCKIGN FORGOT ABOUT YOU. 

dramatic house burning! and rip retz, saw that one comin tho 

when they all went thru and said their life goals and then killua was like shit i dont have a cool definitive anime goal LMAOOOO

but THEN gon said his goals should be to stay by gon’s side UHMMM???? baby gays AUGHHHHH and killua is just like lovestruck AUGHHHH 

Gays Win 

then they all peace out to resume the next arc lmaoooo

and then we see flashes of other characters, like the blonde girl (who ruth and i totally thought retz was, seeing thumbnails from this movie....we were like w8 hasnt that girl not been introduced yet??? lmao)

we also see some dude w/long hair and a hat who ive never seen before but ruth went OHHH ITS SCYTHE GUY!!! so i guess hes gonna b important?? lol 

and then we saw chrollo....still in the same place the squad left him vbhajfdjkahsbfkdjabhsukfdj CAN HE NOT GET DOWN FROM THERE W/OUT NEN OR AN AIRSHIP??? THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY ARE YOU KIDDING ME 

general thots:

so this was very much an Anime Movie, in that they cant like, advance to plot or develop the characters much, bc its a movie. and this one is non canon

it was enjoyable but i do feel like it was much more typical shounen then hxh usually is...like, i feel like this was made by the same people who make like, the naruto movies or w/e, and w/the same sort of approach/attitude 

this isnt necessarily bad - i LIKE shounen for a reason - but it was a bit noticeable bc it wasnt quite as smart as hxh is usually, and it rehashed a lot of stuff weve already seen in this show itself 

but still i think it did a good job w/what it had, and it had some good angst, and everyone was very gay which is good

the art style was SLIGHTLY wack but it wasnt as bad as i thought itd be 

overall a fun time like most anime movies. didnt reinvent the wheel but i had a good time. im excited for the greed island arc, and im also disproportionately excited to watch the hxh musical bc that is a thing that exists and i MUST see it asap bc that sounds like the kind of hilarious wackiness that appeals to me specifically

so thats it...later! 

[the-weeping-fox]

you save yourself.

I'll save myself this time around.

i had a feeling id hear from you on my birthday.

i thought id get a call or text though. so not winning big on that bet.

it still shakes me pretty bad.

i wonder if you knew how obsessed I was with you.

i know you have an idea, but i don't think you'll ever really know.

nothing scary. just... an overabundance of love and affection. you were my air. i wanted to breathe you in.

thought I smelled you for a second the other day when I was cleaning out my room.

its hard. I miss my best friend. I miss the love of my life.

heard your sister got engaged. bout time.

i wonder... if things never went sideways with us.. would we be married now? im sure we would've come around.

but i think thats a silly thought.. i think we were always sideways. even in the beginning. fighting and begging you to date me. christ.

hard memories and harder feelings.

lots of things have been happening to me and for me. things I wish you could share in. places I see your shadow.

waiting to schedule therapy till after my move. been processing alone. its hard. even with people who care. im trying to let go of the anger.

im really angry you hurt me. no matter how you slice it, you put me through some really awful things.

I would tell you that I had a theory that as someone got older, they would learn how to feel another Feeling simultaneously. Like, if you were 30, you could potentially feel 30 Feelings at once. Maybe some overlapping, maybe some individual.

I say this, because I feel like this is how my feelings towards you are built. I have this structure of Love and Friendship that we originally built, through fun sex and taking care of each other. But then these other really horrible feelings of Betrayal and Angry due to.. everything that happened.

I just... i was your sweet boy and you lied and hurt me. Ill never understand. I feel like a kicked Kitten. I try and put logic to it, but it just hurts me more.. trying to make sense of it. trying to put your shoes on and see it from your eyes... hurts. i don't know if ill ever understand how you could it and live with yourself.

i had some part in all of it too. i don't want to spend my life as a victim. i put so much love and faith into you. and the one thing I needed... you couldn't do.

i remember you telling me.. that sometimes I needed to just sit down and say, "you'll be okay. I love you. we'll figure it out and be okay." and that's what I needed. i was so lost in my own sadness and anger that I couldn't tell you I needed it.. but that was it. i needed to see your heart again.

anyways. i don't really want to harp on old shit. i do it 24/7 in my own head as it is.

you deleted your tumblr. never ceases to make my heart ache. but you reached out on my birthday. its.. a strange and potentially painful move. you know your number isn't blocked. so there's still a distance you want to keep. I've come to my own conclusion that it was a Bait. I responded on my old Tumblr... but after spending days pouring over the hint of a response.. i realized how gross that was and is.

I hard-loved you. I loved you with a ferocity I have never shared for anyone else. you were my one and only. I wanted to drink you in. I've had a painful time quitting you. I watched our videos... a lot. I wish i had made 1,000 more. I think i gave up trusting you somewhere along the road.

but... dangling that message.. that "but..." was... awful. I dont know if it was an open invitation to contact you or.. what. but it was.. it sucked. I would have rather had a phonecall or text or something. i don't know. I guess tumblr was the only place we could actually communicate, so maybe this was the best avenue.

I miss you. A lot. All this time and silence gives a lot of perspective. I miss your voice. i miss your smell. I miss your body. I miss your snores.

But another point of perspective is that you gave up our life. You sold that house. You got a new place that you wouldn't reveal the address to. You got new friends. You were walking away from me and us for a long time.

I get why. You spent a lot of time as the quiet girlfriend, waiting for me to tell you what I needed. but read that last sentence aloud. I was hurt. I was damaged. I wasn't going to ever be able to tell you what I needed. I needed your heart to call out to me, and it was the one thing you wouldn't do.

I hope Mittens is doing well. I cry when I think about her not being in my life. I hope I get to see her again before.. well. before anything happens to anyone.

Anyways. after I left my response to your Tumblr message... i... stopped checking it. You might have even responded. I won't know though. I probably won't know until our anniversary. I'll be there, by the way. Ill be in the spot where we figured it all out the first time. Probably get lunch and spend the day in that parking lot. I know you're not the emotional type like that, haha. Id be shocked. floored probably. might even hear me actually gasp.

...

I wouldve been a really good quarantine boyfriend. I really wonder what you think of me. what you honestly think. I mean.. it has to mean something that you left a message for me. Maybe you can't get our memories out of your head either. Im sorry if you thought I might have been trying to use you for sex or something near the end there. I wonder if that's how I came off. It wasn't how I meant to. Sex was just.. a really straight forward expression of our love and.. always felt safe and good with you. Ive had a lot of trouble trying to make that connection with anyone else. They aren't you and... i need to figure that out.

Things with Kat never came to fruition. she didnt really liked that i was too fucked up over you, haha. that would probably make your evil little heart jump. You beat Katherine in my mind. Maybe that can put how I feel about you in perspective.

I also wonder about letting you know about this blog? Maybe. Maybe as an anniversary present. But I cant imagine you want anything to do with me anymore. I really tried to salt the Earth when you left. I could feel how addicted I was to you. I had to for my own good. I wasn't strong enough to quit you.

shit. i still don't think I am. I dont even know if ill be able to move on. I dont want to. I miss you. I want to try and use my angry to curve that feeling, but love is stronger than hate. it always wins out.

so I guess I'll just keep pretending that you had my kid in some alternate universe and cry to my new friends about how some blonde girl shattered my heart.

I hope... youre okay. I think i mean that. its hard in here.

[uh-velkommen]

Richie Tozier

So I was confused and wondering, what was the point of Richies character? Like what was he scared of. What did pennywise have to torment him with. We knew he was scared of clowns and Pennywise had already embodied that fear but when they were older, Bill is reminded of how he couldnt save his brother, Eddie is reminded of his excessive fear of germs and disease, Bev is reminded of the blood incident (representing a young woman becoming an adult that of which her father did not like) Ben, remember when you were fat? Mike, remember the fire? Richie, here's a random Paul Bunyan statue that wants to kill you, and a girl with one shoe (as I typed that I remembered it was probably alluring to the scene in the first movie where hes holding Betty's shoe in the sewer) and last but not least, a cute puppy!

I watched a video on The Life of Richie Tozier and they mentioned that in the book, he had a fear of eyes, Ommetaphobia. It tied into his main personality trait being his poor eyesight. This couldve been something that Pennywise could torment him with. In the first movie, the decomposing dummy of himself and the missing child poster felt a bit random. We werent given a scene of him being worried about kids disappearing which wouldve led up to the missing poster, in the same way Ben was reading about the Easter egg hunt before being chased by a boy holding eggs. Maybe the director might've just cut some of those scenes but they never touch on that again.

What was the point of his character besides being the comedic relief. Mike was important cause he was the one to bring everyone back 27 years later. Bill was important because it was his brother Georgie who set everything in motion. Beverly needed to be taken by IT so the losers could fight him. Stanley was there as the one who couldnt cut it and Eddie was the sensible one.

My knowledge is soley based of the 2017/19 movies so maybe King did a better job of fleshing out the characters.

I realized that they did infact mention Richies Ommetaphobia in the second movie but you would not realize unless you knew about his fear. An eye popped out of Richie's fortune cookie and he says "whys that thing looking at me" Something they really couldve used more of in the movie

[la-knight]

BOOKS I (RE)READ IN 2018: FURTHERMORE BY TAHEREH MAFI

"Alice Alexis Queensmeadow, 12, rates three things most important: Mother, who wouldn’t miss her; magic and color, which seem to elude her; and Father, who always loved her. Father disappeared from Ferenwood with only a ruler, almost three years ago. But she will have to travel through the mythical, dangerous land of Furthermore, where down can be up, paper is alive, and left can be both right and very, very wrong. Her only companion is Oliver whose own magic is based in lies and deceit. Alice must first find herself—and hold fast to the magic of love in the face of loss." "Red was ruby, green was fluorescent, yellow was simply incandescent. Color was life. Color was everything. Color, you see, was the universal sign of magic." "Love, it turned out, could both hurt and heal." "Narrow-mindedness will only get you as far as Nowhere, and once you're there, you're lost forever.” "Alice was an odd girl, even for Ferenwood, where the sun occasionally rained and the colors were brighter than usual and magic was as common as a frowning parent." "Making magic is far more interesting than making sense." So I actually read this book a few months ago and then recently reread it via audio so I could remember all the details for this review. I was first introduced to Tahereh Mafi’s work through her book Shatter Me, her debut novel. Ironically, it wasn’t through any of the ways I normally hear about books - Booktube, Goodreads, my best friend, Booklr - but from my husband’s aunt. She runs - or used to run, not sure if she’s still doing it - a book review blog. And she posted a review of Shatter Me and I was like, “What a weird, interesting writing style, lemme check this out.” At this point the entire Shatter Me Trilogy plus novellas had been published and I devoured all of them (still need to review those, too). So when I heard Tahereh Mafi was writing a middle grade book, I got super excited! Especially because this was during a time when I was too stressed out to read any YA, since most of the YA I like involves having to save the world and all the stress that entails. I need to lay out some trigger warnings real quick: the main character, Alice? Her mom is incredibly abusive, both emotionally and physically. It’s treated as not such a big deal in the book, which is honestly the story’s only real flaw, but it’s bad. It took me seven tries and resorting to an audiobook (and even with a fantastic narrator, that short audiobook took me almost a month to get through) because the abuse was so bad. So:

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE OF A CHILD BY THEIR PARENT

Let’s get started, yo! First of all, the setting. OMG. See, I love tthis thing called Victorian fairy tales, which is something you can find in books like Mary Poppins - these super fantastical bits of whimsy that just warm your heart and make you grin because they’re so creative and fun. In the Mary Poppins books, you can jump into chalk drawings and go to a circus amidst the stars and make friends with a woman who sells living candy-cane horses. In Catherynne Valente’s Fairyland series, there are shadow balls and talking phonographs. And in Furthermore, there’s light raining down from the sky in literal drops, sticks of magic you use like money, and forests full of invisible berries. The way the world is put together and described, so full of color and imagination, is awesome and beautiful and I could picture it perfectly. It reminded me in all the best ways of books like The Phantom Tollbooth (one of my favorites). But I wouldn’t want to live there, because Ferenwood is full of colorism and ick. Alice, the female lead, is an albino in a world where color is important and the darker you are, the more magical you’re considered to be. So Alice gets treated like garbage. 

Also I think Alice may be autistic, but I don’t know if she’s deliberately coded autistic or if Tahereh Mafi did it by accident while trying to make Alice eccentric, but she comes across as autistic. I’ve actually begun to pay more attention to that sort of the thing in recent years, being autistic myself, and I see it a lot - authors giving their characters autistic characteristics, often without meaning to. I just touch on it here because Alice is already treated badly for being albino, but she’s also considered a freak because of the way she behaves - like an autistic preteen. And I wonder if Tahereh Mafi did that on purpose as a sort of commentary or not, because while Alice is treated badly by the people of Ferenwood for her behavior, the Narrator (who is an actual character in the story; love when that happens) always sides with Alice in this regard. The storyline is sweet and I love it. Alice tries to compete in the magical testing all the preteens do on their twelfth birthday, and so she dances. And her dancing is magical but it’s not Magical, you know? So she fails the test. Well, turns out a boy who passed the test the year before, Oliver (the brat), needs Alice’s help fulfilling a quest - rescuing Alice’s missing dad. So they go on a quest together, although Alice hates Oliver (and rightly so, he’s rude). They go to a dozen different and cool places, all of which are dangerous and all of which are different. I wish we could’ve spent more time in those places but I understand why we didn’t. The only annoying thing is there’s an origami fox on the cover but it only pops up in one of the worlds for like two pages and then it’s gone and I thought we could spend more time both in that world and with that creature since it ended up on the cover. But alas, not. I understand why - middle grade is often cursed to be short, especially if it’s the author’s first MG novel ever. Once you get big and bad like Rick Riordan you can start tossing out gihugic tomes like Son of Neptune or Blood of Olympus on the regular. Oliver’s reason for needing Alice was one I didn’t see coming, nor was her magical talent - a talent they hint at throughout the book but never explain until near the end, at the perfect moment. I thought it was an interesting commentary on how young girls perceive themselves, that Alice hates this marvelous, amazing talent she has of bringing color into the world from nothing...because she can’t use it to change how she looks. Society has trained her already, by the age of twelve, to discount something incredible about herself because she can’t use it to make herself into what society wants her to be. That’s pretty impressive for a book this short. I loved some of the more deliberate messages in the work - the thing I mentioned about society’s pressures on young girls, and also that it’s okay to tell boys to screw off if they’re mean to you, and to have hope and to look for second chances (Alice thinks she only has one chance to pass the test and believes her life is over when she fails, only to find out she can try again the next year). I love all of that, and the lyrical and whimsical quality of the prose, and the world building is so creative and also makes me a bit hungry (people eat magic in this book, among other things; I wonder what it tastes like). Now...let’s talk about the abuse. That’s my biggest issue with the book. Alice’s mother is a total bitch. And not in a cool, kickass way like the lady in the show Empire. She’s vicious, she’s cruel, and she’s abusive. Alice knows - and the Narrator confirms - that she turned bad when her husband went missing, and apparently the worry for him and the strain of raising four kids on her own is making her hard and sad, but I don’t give a shit. I was hoping Tahereh Mafi would’ve gone all Hansel and Gretel on this lady and when Alice comes home with her dad, the wife’s dead or something. She beats Alice (at one point she beat Alice for chasing a boy out of the place where she was sleeping, even though he kept staring at her in her sleeping clothes, because apparently the boy - Oliver - had the right to break into their barn at 3AM and ogle Alice???), she verbally abuses Alice, she sends her to bed regularly without dinner, is constantly criticizing, won’t hug her or kiss her, and - this one really got me, for some reason - forces her to do illegal things. Those invisible berries I mentioned? Alice can find them and bring back whole baskets because of her magical gift, and so her mom sends her out to pick them all the time. If she brings home enough, her mom smiles. If she doesn’t, her mom yells and calls her names and sometimes beats her. Guess what? Picking those berries is illegal. We don’t find this out until much later in the book, but it is. The thing I didn’t like about the berries is that Oliver, who’s thirteen, is less concerned about Alice’s mother beating her for not picking enough contraband berries and instead focuses on how her ability to find the berries in the first place means Alice has really impressive magic. NOBODY seems to care how much Alice is being abused, not even the Narrator. The Narrator sympathizes with Alice’s hurt feelings and despair over her missing Father, but it’s never objectively stated that her mom is abusing her AND SHE IS. Yeah, her mom is sooo glad to have her back after Alice almost dies on her trip with Oliver, but so what? My roommate’s mom is so abusive that my roommate’s clergy leaders, doctors, and psychological therapist all said my roommate needed to cut ties with said mom, even though my roommate’s mom has also exhibited the same kind of “oh baby I’m so sorry, I love you so much” bullshit. That’s what abusers do. So I hate Alice’s mom. She literally makes her daughter feel like if she doesn’t risk her life numerous times AND bring her father back, there is no chance her mother will ever love her. And if she pulls that stuff off (which she does), then MAYBE her mother will love her. Nuh-uh. Nope. Hate that bitch. Other than that, I really loved this book. The characters felt real (Alice is me, but without my anger), Even the ones I didn’t like were still REAL, and well-drawn. The world building and word choice is fantastic. Basically, if you can get past the evil mom, read this book. World Building: 1 star Realism: 1 star Word Choice: 1 star Plot: 1 star Characterization: 1 star - ¼ star because Oliver Newbanks is an obnoxious little creep - 1 star because the mom is AN ABUSIVE EVIL BITCH - ¼ star because NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT THAT +½ star because Alice is amazing and has a genius brain and I love her Total score: 4/5 stars Would I Buy It: Yes! I own it and loved it enough I got the sequel for Christmas (in...2017...I've been sitting on this review for months...)! Would I Recommend: yes, but with trigger warnings. Again, highly abusive evil bitch mom who somehow doesn’t die.