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formulawolff · 4 months

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sunbathing - t.w.

pairing: reader x dbf!toto wolff

word count: 1.3k

warnings: age gap, highly inappropriate flirting and banter, fingering (f! receiving), alcohol use, some light smut for this fine sunday evening, fyi, the reader is in her early/mid 20s in this!,

a/n: the premise of this one came to me as a request! i just want to clarify that this is a slight au, as toto is not a married man in this! i hope y’all enjoy! <3 (also that gif?? omf. i need him.)

bundles of light cast a shine on the waves, the surrounding air tinged with the salty scent of the sea. the only color in your field of vision is blue, the hues ranging from a vivid cerulean to a rich sapphire. above, seagulls glide, dotting the skyline with tiny white specks.

you bask in the warmth of the sun, your heated skin glowing from your tanning oil. situated on the sun deck, you were in the perfect spot to catch some rays, reapplying tanning oil routinely throughout the afternoon.

"everything going okay up there honey?"

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

the voice was none other than your father's.

your father happened to be peter bonnington, one of the top engineers for the mercedes-amg petronas formula one team. he just so happened to be close to lewis hamilton, eight time world champion.

yet, to your disappointment, lewis was not present today. so much for shooting your shot with the devilishly handsome driver.

when you were offered the chance to spend the day on toto wolff's yacht with your family, how could you have refused?

who else gets to spend the afternoon sunbathing on desk of a yacht as it floats along the mediterranean sea?

springing to your feet, you lean over the rail, picking out your father as he mingles with the group, "i may come down and get some water soon!"

"sounds good love!" your father responds, a wide grin plastered across his face. stifling a giggle, you notice the crimson hue tinging his cheeks, flourishing into his neck.

oh god, he was drunk.

well, you all were. at least, those old enough to drink.

for the start of the summer break in the season, mr. wolff had suggested the mercedes families gather together for a day of relaxation and celebration. to your disappointment, there were not a lot of suitors present.

of course, there were quite a few children, some teenagers.

you had met with a few girls around your age, but they were still significantly younger, approximately three or fours your junior. so, to escape from the small talk and chitchat, you had waltzed up to the sun deck, settling in one of the chairs.

luckily, you had brought a book with you, so it kept you somewhat busy.

and to your satisfaction, no one bothered you. no one at all.

an afternoon alone on the deck of a yacht, where no one would bother you but to bring you a few drinks and some snacks?

it was perfect. absolutely perfect.

you couldn't have envisioned a more perfect afternoon.

a flurry of voices catches your attention, but you ignore them. it almost sounded as if there was playful argument. of course, recognized your father's voice, as it was the loudest.

your mom was one patient woman, that was for sure.

with the sun beating down, and the buzz of the alcohol, you couldn't help but feel your lashes flutter, drowsiness beginning to take ahold.

"ms. bonnington," a voice startles you, thick with a heavy accent, "i figured i would run some water up for you."

sitting up in your chair, you clutch your chest as you make out who is standing beside you, one bottle of water in each hand.

it was none other than toto wolff.

with his significant stature and broad shoulders, he nearly towers over you, donned in a thin linen button up and khaki shorts.

with his fluffy brunette hair, and sharp, chiseled features framed by thick lashes, there was no denying that the team principal was devastatingly handsome. toned muscles rippled underneath his button-up, the wind catching the fabric every so often, exposing a trail hair leading up to his navel.

sure, you may have had a teenage crush on one of your father's best friends and coworkers, but surely you outgrew that long ago.

surely.

you felt your heart skip a beat as he eyed you, prompting you to respond.

"oh my god," you nearly stumble over your words, "i am so sorry if i didn't hear you the first time, mr. wolff. i was falling asleep and i-"

"no need for those formalities around here," a soft chuckle rumbles in his throat, "you can call me toto, you know."

"i-i'm sorry," you mumble, accepting the water bottles from his hands, "i've probably been in the sun a little too long. i'm a little scatterbrained right now."

"have you been having fun, at least?" to your surprise, the team principal sits in a chair beside you, "i apologize if you haven't been able to meet some people your age. i thought there would be more girls for you to get along with."

"i've been fine," you shrug, "i'm a big girl, i know how to occupy myself."

as you lay back down in the chair, toto can't help but drink in the sight of you.

fuck, were you absolutely gorgeous.

he relished the way your hair was pulled into a tight bun, emphasizing the bridge of your nose and the fullness of your lashes. your skin glistens under the sun, toto swallowing thickly as his mind wanders.

it was so wrong to look at you this way. absolutely sinful.

yet, he couldn't. he couldn't look away.

"everything okay, toto?" oh god, the way his name sounded so sweet from those plush lips.

"i'm fine," he waves a hand, "i'm just admiring the view. that's all."

you arch a brow, pursing your lips, "the mountains or my ass?"

ever so slightly, you wiggle your wips, cheeks jiggling in response.

"you want me to be honest or do you want me to lie?"

"hmmm," you hum, "i prefer honesty, mr. wolff."

mr. wolff.

in his shorts, he felt his cock throb. instinctively, he shifts in the seat, praying that you wouldn't notice.

however, it's hard to miss.

especially in those khaki shorts.

"see something you like?" you bat your lashes, the corners of your lips curling into a devious grin.

"yes," he leans over, face merely centimeters from yours, "you."

"not like you can do anything about it," you counter, the tough exterior crumbling as you feel a hand gliding along the back of your thigh, squeezing the curve of your ass.

perhaps you did not outgrow that teenage crush all those years ago.

"i can," he smirks ever so slightly, "no one can see up here. if i would have known you were wearing this little number, i would have ran up with that water hours ago."

"what if someone comes up here?"

"they won't," he shakes his head, "they're all eating right now."

"you don't think my father will come looking for me?"

"do you know how intoxicated your father is right now? he wouldn't even make it up the stairs," fingers hook the strap of your bikini bottoms, snapping it against your skin, "so, schatzi, what shall we do?"

"what's on your mind?"

toto cocks his head, the fingers delving between your thighs. nimbly, they lightly trace along your folds, teasing, "oh, if we were completely alone, it would be a far different story. however, i have limited time, and there's a large gathering down below."

"oh fuck," you clamp down on your tongue as a finger circles your clit, juices beginning to trickle down your soft skin.

"you like that?" toto coos, applying more pressure, "you like how wet i make you? you're a good girl, letting me touch you like this."

"toto!" a voice calls from below, "we need your assistance with the radio!"

"jesus fucking christ," the team principal rolls his eyes.

rising to his feet, fingers grasp you chin, tilting your head upwards.

"you should accompany your father to a grand prix sometime. i would love to see your beautiful face one day in the paddock."

"maybe i will," you murmur, flashing toto with a radiant grin, "would you fuck me in the paddock too?"

"oh schatzi, i would do more than fuck you in the paddock. i would make that little pussy of yours weep."

and just like that, you watch as the team principal strolls over to the stairs, shooting you one final wink before disappearing.

biting your lip, you reach for the water, twisting it open.

perhaps you would lean over that rail one more time.

after all, you were starting to get an appetite.

#toto wolff #toto wolff x reader #toto wolff smut #formula one #f1 #formula 1 #f1 x reader #formula one x reader #toto wolff x you #toto wolff x y/n #formula one fanfic #formula one fanfiction

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whateverisbeautiful · 14 days

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♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#52: The Ring Finger (1.06)

gif cred: @machonnes

We’ve arrived at the TOWL finale. 🥹🥳

And y’all, the way this finale kicks off with that opening scene...🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥. Episode 6 hit the ground running by starting with one of Richonne's greatest moments. I love how in the first episode of TOWL, Rick essentially gave his hand for the marriage. And now in the final episode, Michonne gives her hand in marriage. 🥰

Thanks to this gorgeous wedding ring scene and their parting kiss in the woods, this teaser is top tier. Also, Richonne + candle-lit scenes stayed a blessing to the end 🕯😍...

Sometimes there are scenes that make me want to know exactly who came up with the idea so I can thank them personally. And this right here is one of those scenes. 😋 Whoever’s idea it was to have Rick put the ring on Michonne’s finger while making love surrounded by candles needs a medal lol. 👌🏽🏅

So diving into these finale revelings, I noted that the episode description for The Last Time says “Rick and Michonne have to perform a near impossible miracle” And well, since Richonne is blessed and highly favored of course they pull off a miracle. 😇

The episode begins with Rick saying, “I remember it all. What it was like. Who we were. Who we are now.”

If I’m not mistaken, I don’t think we’d heard Rick say this line before this episode. Like the following sound bites from different characters are all lines previously said throughout the miniseries, but I think this opening line from Rick is new. And it hit me on the rewatch that he’s talking about him and Michonne specifically rather than a broader ‘we’.

Like I interpret this as Rick saying how, after all their years apart, he still remembers everything about the life and the love he and Michonne had before and who they were together. You know that man has an excellent memory. Especially when it comes to Michonne. 😋

And I like that he says ‘who we are now’ because even after all they’ve been through apart, after all the ways they’ve grown and changed, who Rick and Michonne are now is still so compatible and connected. Still soulmates. 😌

Also, the episode after Rick left TWD was called 'Who Are You Now' and I love that years later, this miniseries so beautifully illustrated that who Rick and Michonne are now are still wholly each others.

The first shot as Rick says this is a shot of mountains as the helicopter flies over the terrain. And then I adore that when he says “Who we are now” we get to see Richonne in the now as they lay in this setting that always gives me regal medieval vibes fit for TWD's royal couple. 🤩

gif cred: @nerd4music

Now, I always smile when I think about my first time watching this scene. I knew this episode had an S rating going in but I didn’t know what that would entail since I thought Episode 4 would probably be the last time Richonne had a bedroom scene. And so when they cut to this scene, I remember my eyes immediately focused on what items were left on top of the table because it’s the finale so I thought certainly the stuff on the table was intentionally placed.

But then...my eyes started picking up on some motion going on in the background - and I was gagged. 🫠

I quickly realized that the most important thing going on in this scene is those two lovebirds in the back re-consummating the marriage. 👌🏽

gif cred: @nobleriver

I love everything about this. 🥰 The sensual setting with the abundance of candles. (And I just know it was that true blue romantic Rick that lit all those candles for their special 'wedding night.' 😋)

The rich colors, the lighting, the literal and figurative smokiness coming off this scene, the way the camera slowly glides over the table and inches closer to Richonne fully in their element together. 👩🏽‍🍳💋

gif cred: @nobleriver

After Rick had to watch the memory of Michonne burn away in the premiere, it’s beautiful that in the finale Rick gets to be truly back with Michonne surrounded by the far more romantic and uplifting flames of all those candles. 🕯👌🏽

Whenever I see this scene now, Richonne is all I see. 😋 But the items shown really are intentionally placed and all tell the story of their travels: the noodles, the whiskey, the soda, the map and notes, the CRM uniforms and thread. And the sound bites that play from the characters also tell the story of Richonne’s TOWL journey.

At first, I thought the sound bites were simply recapping the journey, but on rewatch I see they have even more intention in both shaping the story thus far and setting up what's to come in this finale.

First Michonne says, “My name is Michonne. I lost someone. Years ago.” And in the background it’s so sweet seeing all the caressing going on between Rick and Michonne. Once again, it’s a canon fact that he loves being on top of her. And I love the way they’re holding onto each other and the way he’s tenderly touching her face. 🥹

gif cred: @nobleriver

Then Okafor says, “You both possess something I believe the CRM needs to become what it needs to be.” And while Okafor was originally saying that to Rick and Pearl, the line is reiterated here because it’s Richonne who truly possesses something that can change the CRM for good.

(Side note: Y'all, I must admit it's a true challenge for me to try and write and pay attention to what these characters are saying right now when Richonne is back there like that making me distracted. 😋 I keep having to rewind and refocus.🤭

Like I know we all see the way Rick has Michonne's legs hiked up in the air during this part. These talented actors are very good at selling these scenes, that’s all I gotta say lol)

gif cred: @nobleriver

Then it’s a bit of an audible jump scare when Jadis says, “People are a resource.” Didn’t quite want to hear a snake at a blissful moment like this lol.

But I'm pretty sure that corpse's line was used because Rick and Michonne are about to protect the people from the people with their plan to expose the CRM higher-ups.

Then we get a palette cleanser from hearing Jadis when we hear the best bestie Nat say, “I know how to build things and I know how to burn things, but it takes more than that at the end of the world.” And the intentionality behind using that line here is definitely because Richonne will end up employing Nat’s techniques to take down the CRM's leaders and also because the concept of building vs. burning was explored throughout the show and led to the answer that sometimes you have to do both.

As Nat says this, we see Richonne’s backpacks and other things spread out on the ground. The way all their stuff is sprawled out...it seems like the second the mood hit and the candles were lit they threw everything off and got down to business lol.

I like how the most significant items are closest to Richonne’s bed. There’s a bloody sword and ax which feel like they pay homage to some of Richonne’s signature weapons. And I like how the blood on the sword and hatchet just adds to the fact that this stunning love story takes place in an apocalypse of all places, between two apocalyptic all-stars.

Along with the weapons, there’s Rick’s prosthetic, the meaningful iPhone, and the Danger lighter.

And best of all, y’all...there’s the wedding ring. 💍😏

gif cred: @coolpartytimefan

As Beale’s voice says, “You tried to escape four times. Why are you here?” Rick slowly grabs the wedding ring, serving as a visual answer to why he’s here - He’s here because of Mrs. Grimes.

And y’all, when I tell you I nearly passed out just seeing that he was slowly grabbing the wedding ring. 🤭 I did not know that this epic love story was going to get this good. #BoundlesslyBlessed.

Along with the visual answer, there's then a verbal answer to why Rick and Michonne are here when Thorne says, “There’s someone you love out there.” I love hearing that play over this visual of Richonne, because truly Rick and Michonne are the one for each other and their love has fueled them to keep going.

As this is said, Rick proceeds to do the most romantic thing ever when he slowly slides the wedding ring onto Michonne’s ring finger. Just 🫠…our ship is goated for a reason. It just don’t get any better. 👏🏽

gif cred: @msanonships

I love the way Michonne is looking up at him with her hand on his chest and then when she realizes what Rick’s up to she holds up her hand and watches as he puts the ring on her finger all slow and sexy. And Rick is locked in during this moment, honey. 🔥

I adore how honored Rick is to be able to put this ring on Michonne and to be her forever husband and to have her as his wife. She’s Mrs. Grimes...

And I just love that he wanted her to wear the wedding ring for this intimate moment that gives such wedding night vibes. Like there’s something so sacred and majestic about this scene, especially with the lux colors, lush blanket and pillows, and the candlelight glow. 😍

Not only does Rick feel that Michonne deserves the world - he makes it his personal job to give it to her. And he does a damn good job, doesn't he? 👏🏽👏🏽😊

gif cred: @lousolversons

Rick is also very good at making things a moment and this crowning moment very clearly had an affect on Michonne. Because as Rick so tenderly slides his hand down Michonne’s arm and then looks in her eyes, Michonne looks up at her husband like she thinks he is truly the sexiest man on planet earth.

And you know what we always say…Michonne is always right. 😇

gif cred: @coolpartytimefan

I love that Michonne’s journey took her from one; looking quite taken by Rick in their pre-canon seasons of TWD.

To two; lying down alone fiddling with Rick's ring on her finger in her final TWD episode. (Which I've always loved that after Rick's season 9 departure, Michonne wore that ring because she knew that who she and Rick were to each other was 100% husband and wife).

To three; now lying down with Rick over her so lovingly placing her wedding ring on her finger. 🙌🏽🥳

Rick always wants Michonne to know, in every way that he can express, how much he loves her. 🥹 And the abundant love Michonne continuously has for Rick is always written so clearly on her face. 🥹

Also, with Rick not having a ring finger himself it feels like placing this wedding ring on Michonne during a moment where they’re this one and interconnected is almost like placing the ring on them.

gif cred: @coolpartytimefan

As they have this eye contact moment that is just chemistry on another level, it’s paired with Michonne’s heartrending line from the masterpiece Episode 4 when she asks Rick, “Do you still love me?” And Rick passionately answers, “Always.”

Those are fitting lines to include because this TOWL journey had Richonne having to navigate what their love looks like now and officially see that they truly have always loved each other and always will.

And now here they are in this beautifully intimate moment, one in every way, letting their undying love just fill the entire atmosphere. 🥰

gif cred: @coolpartytimefan

And truly, Rick looks at Michonne like she’s the most beautiful treasure in the world. At this moment, he's looking at her like he’s again thinking “I love you always.” And in all ways. Amen. 👌🏽

I adore how, after he puts the ring on, both Rick and Michonne look like they've somehow managed to fall even deeper in love by the second.

Michonne softly places her ring-clad hand back on Rick's chest and then he leans in as they share another very passionate kiss. And y’all, the only beef I have with this teaser is with that fade-to-black. It comes in too quick lol. 🤭The fade-to-black could’ve waited just a second or two more, because you know some of us be greedy. 😂

But regardless, it’s a great hot-and-heavy kiss and just shows yet again that Rick and Michonne are each other's strongest craving. This whole Richonne ring moment was perfect. 🤩

TOWL really said 'I now pronounce Richonne the hottest husband and wife on television.' 🔥👏🏽

gif cred: @msanonships

Ages ago, I was really eager for Richonne to have rings of their own, and little did I know I’d just have to wait about eight years and then Rick would put a ring on Michonne in a stunning lovemaking scene like this. And once again, it was entirely worth the years-long wait. 😇

I appreciate the way this opening scene just immediately set the tone of how TOWL started as an epic love story and would conclude as an epic love story. What a dream. 👏🏽

And because we’re spoiled, y’all, the teaser doesn’t even end there.

They then cut to the woods with Rick and Michonne looking like the baddest to ever do it in their black CRM uniforms as they walk forward with the helicopter in the back. Move over Mr. and Mrs. Smith, this is Mr. and Mrs. Grimes on a mission. 🔥

gif cred: @nerd4music

And then as Rick and Michonne walk, they stop and turn to each other and immediately kiss like their life depends on it and I’m always here for it. Like I’ll forever be elated over the fact that there were kisses in every single episode of this 6 episode miniseries, and not just that but most episodes had multiple kissing scenes too. Richonne kissed more in 6 episodes than they did in their four seasons on canon on TWD.

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

And truly, not even just from a shipper perspective but from a story perspective, it makes perfect sense for these characters who are madly in love and haven’t been able to express it for over eight years to be kissing all the time like this. Cuz I mean...

And now that they’re back together, of course these soulmates are going to make up for that lost time every chance they get. It's just realistic. 😌👌🏽

So I love that our goated captains came back to make this 6-episode miniseries and said guess how many episodes we can fit kisses into...

All 6, baby. 😋 This particular kiss in the woods is meaningful too because Rick and Michonne are about to part for the first time since agreeing to go home together and you know for magnets going their separate ways isn’t easy or ideal, especially when what they’re parting to do is dangerous.

But I love that because their kisses are communication, this kiss was the two making it so clear to each other that no matter what the CRM tries to do, they are each other's ultimate choice and they’re in it together.

Like I love the reassuring vibe of this passionate kiss and the way Rick holds her face and then the way they stare into each other's eyes afterward and nod, again communicating so much. 🥰 They’re about to reenter the lion's den and this moment just felt like them giving each other the strength to do so.

gif cred: @nerd4music

And y’all, you know I stay getting distracted by Richonne so I forgot Michonne's voiceover is actually saying something in this scene lol. Lemme go happily rewind a sec. ⏮😋

Okay, so while they share this golden kiss, Michonne gives insight into their plan when she says, “It sounds simple, right? We go in. You get the briefing. I get the dossier she left behind. We bring what we know to the city, then go home. Together.”

As this is said, Michonne holds Rick’s arm until the last second as he turns to go which is sweet. They are really each other's baby, y'all. 🥲And as she watches him, we hear her say, “It’s never that simple.”

gif cred: @msanonships

I know that this last line is meant to be ominous but one thing I'm grateful for about how TWD & TOWL approached Richonne is that it's not like other relationships and things in the show that have to ultimately end in tragedy. Richonne was built to last and be an actual lasting win for Rick and Michonne in this series, which is why I never feared that the two would split up or die because the love they found with each other is the one thing this franchise allows to be unbreakable and triumphant.

So next, Rick slowly walks up to the gates with his hands up as his voiceover says, “I’m Sergeant Major Rick Grimes. You probably think I’m dead.” I like that line because as we know TOWL was a whole journey of Rick dying and coming back to life through Michonne. So now, for the first time in a long time, it’s Alive Rick rolling up to the CRM. 👌🏽

gif cred: @sowhumpful

Then as the CRM soldiers slowly open the gate for him, the teaser ends with Rick recalling his father's words saying, “He said I didn’t need to be scared. That it was just ‘the burning.’” Then the scene fades to black just like how this teaser started and y’all, I just gotta clap it up for that teaser. That ring moment alone had me overjoyed and then the kiss in the matching uniforms and Rick's fine gait up to the gate was the cherry on top. 👏🏽👏🏽

We were already feasting and the finale was just beginning. I appreciate that since this is ‘the last time,’ this show let Richonne do what they do best one last time and just put their love and chemistry on full display. 👌🏽😌

#richonne #towl #reveling in richonne #1.06 #RIR (52)#the ones who live #twd towl #michonne grimes #rick grimes #rick x michonne #twol #michonne #rick and michonne #twd: the ones who live #twd #richonnefandom

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nobodysdaydreams · 11 months

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Hatchetverse Theory: The Parallels Between Paul (TGWDLM) and Grace (NPMD):

More thoughts and parallel screenshots under the keep reading, part of my #hatchetverse theory posts. Sorry these are all awful screen shots, I'm bad at gifs, but I hope I made my point.

The screenshots are pretty self-explanatory, but the parallels between Paul and Grace, especially with what happens to their characters at the end of their respective musicals, has been living in my head rent free, and I want to talk about it.

I've seen a lot of posts that speculate that the reason Grace went crazy at the end of NPMD is because she's just that blood thirsty and willing to kill, and while her character (at least of what I've seen of her in NPMD and what I've seen of nightmare time) is certainly intense, I wouldn't quite go so far to say she's always been that willing to hurt others, even for what she believes.

In fact, after rewatching NPMD, I realized something. When the kids first go to the Waylon Place, the others are the ones suggesting ways they can violently hurt Max. Pete even calls Grace's plan "goofy" and Richie is the one who suggests beating Max up. Grace is the one who tells them that all she wants to do is teach him a lesson and scare him and rejects their more violent ideas.

But after Max dies? That's when Grace's intensity starts taking a darker turn, and it's not as noticeable as it might be in the other kids because "Grace has always been kinda weird and intense" and the show has been playing that up for laughs since the beginning. But when you look at what happens to Grace in terms of her character's choices, she's the one who suddenly pulls a "bury the bully" plan out of nowhere when she was against even beating him up just a few hours ago. She's the one who suggests lying to the cops and trying to cover up what happened. She's the one who has a prophetic nightmare after the incident at the Waylon Place. That's also the moment when she symbolically loses her WWJD bracelet (though others have already pointed that out).

And if the LIB could infect Paul with spores just because he happened to be in close proximity to the meteor, then they could probably do something similar to any of the kids in the Waylon Place (and you cannot convince me that they were not the ones who collapsed the floorboards in the Waylon Place and killed Max).

But why would they target Grace you ask? Why not one of the other kids? That's a good question. I have a few theories.

The first has to do with what I mentioned before about hatchetverse's history of Webby's powers seeming to favor kids, and the LIB powers struggling to work on kids. We don't know how old most of the kids in NPMD are exactly, but the musical makes a point to tell us several times that Grace is "only 18" (Shaprio says she's a legal adult and will be tried as an adult in court). The musical also makes a point to have this be the Homecoming Dance (not Prom), which is in the fall, so most of the senior students wouldn't have turned 18 yet. We can also make an educated guess that Stephanie has turned 18 and Pete hasn't because she sings "wake me up when you turn 18" during their song. You could combat this by asking why the LIB never address Grace during the summoning and targeted Steph instead, which is a fair point. But interestingly, if you watch Grace, Steph, and Pete during the Summoning, Grace is silent most of the song, but looks completely horrified (especially when they tell her that they want what she cherishes most), despite the fact that from our perspective, the LIB aren't talking to her. She also seems to know exactly what the LIB want from her, because the next scene she's in is when she shows up to save Steph and Pete. During the Summoning, Pete, on the other hand, seems to mostly be involved in the conversation the LIB are having with Stephanie, although Grace also seems to understand what the LIB want from Stephanie. It's possible that this was intentional on the LIB's part, since they can see every timeline (in the "Abstinence Camp" episode of Nightmare Time, Grace gets between Steph, Pete, and Lumberaxe, risking her own life so that Lumberaxe doesn't hurt them. Grace might be willing to lose her own life for what she believes, but she might not be willing to lose her friends' lives. If the LIB know this, they'd likely want to make sure Grace understands that Steph or Pete will die unless she's the one who pays the price).

They have a personal reason for wanting her. In TGWDLM, Pokey hates Paul because...well, Paul doesn't like musicals but bigger picture, Paul resists Pokey's hive mind. Why would the LIB hate Grace? Possibly because she hates evil, the devil, and sin to an extreme degree. It could be a point of pride for the LIB: "we got the guy who didn't like musicals to join our musical and brainwash the world, and we got the girl who didn't like sin to devour souls for us." I've also seen a theory that Paul has some sort of resistance to the LIB because he doesn't like musicals and in a way sort of serves as a "prophet" in TGWDLM by warning others that musicals are bad. Grace arguably serves a similar role to Max in NPMD. She suggests Max becomes a better person "before he ends up in hell", which is ironic because then Max goes on to beat up Pete, which turns the nerds against him, setting off the chain of events that eventually lead him to actually being sent to hell (the black) by Grace. I've also seen some other theories suggesting that the LIB getting Paul in TGWDLM was really about getting Emma (since she was the one who starred in a musical before), and following that logic, it's possible that the LIB killing Max at the Waylon Place was really about getting Grace, because she'd still actually be alive. The LIB might have known this would work if they knew Max and Grace liked each other, and as seen in nightmare time, Grace is willing to risk her own life for her friends, and this might be consistent across several timelines.

Speaking of sacrifice, I know I covered this with the gifs, but the fact that Paul's last act was giving up his life, and Grace's was giving up what was essentially her morality and who she was so they could save their friends, only to have themselves turned into the very monsters they tried to destroy? Absolute tragedy.

But what's also interesting to me is how this happens. The way Grace and Paul both seem to lose control of themselves. With Paul it happens in one song and is more noticeable, but with Grace, it's a lot slower, and the more bad and morally questionable stuff she does, the funnier it is, and her character has been intense and over the top from the beginning, so you almost don't notice the difference in her actions until you rewatch the show. But her and Paul asking "Who am I?" has a similar creepy vibe, the screenshots I found for those moments (pictured below) even ended up looking very similar, though with Paul, you can see more of the fight happening during the song, whereas with Grace, it's more drawn out over the course of the show with these little moments of clarity where she has a complete breakdown.

Then of course there's the whole: What do you want thing?

Why do the LIB want what Grace cherishes most? Why do they want Paul to want anything at all?

And why do they phrase it in the creepiest way possible, asking for "a peek at Paul's soul" and telling him to "give up his choice" and telling Grace that they'll get "whatever they want" and that she'll "be forever in their debt?"

Well, probably because that does seem to be what happens. The most obvious screenshot parallels are probably their final numbers in their shows, which I think speak for themselves. The only unknown is what exactly is happening with the LIB and their whole "what do you want" thing. By taking what someone wants, do they replace that "want" in the person with wanting to serve them? How does that work?

At this point, I'm not sure, and I'm too tired to continue the rant, but I'd be happy to hear anyone else's thoughts on this.

I hope you enjoy Starkid fandom. Thank you for listening to my rants!

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halstudandruz · 1 year

Text

Thigh or Nothing

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Matt Casey x Reader

Requested: Yes

Prompt: Months after your breakup Matt loses his cool

Warnings: smut (18+), thigh riding, jealous!Matt, edging, swearing

A/N: Continuing to live in my happy world where all my boys are alive and still in Chicago 🫶

“I’m sorry, [Y/N]. We did all we could.” Connor broke the news to you and you could almost feel your heart breaking into two.

“Thanks Connor. I know you did.” You sighed, he gave you a sympathetic nod, picking three beer bottles up and heading back towards his table.

It was the cherry on top of your week. Which was without question the worst since you had become a paramedic 6 years prior. You shouldn’t have asked, you're not supposed to ask and how you felt right this second made the reason clear. Like your entire job was a waste. Which deep down obviously wasn’t true. The lives you saved had outweighed the lives lost, but that fact didn’t always matter. Not when you gave your blood, sweat, and tears to save a child who they would only end up losing on the table hours later. The less you knew of the outcome the better, you could at least pretend they all had a happy ending then. You were glad your partner hadn’t come out tonight. At least then she could live in the dark of the truth, one that you would never tell her. Swallowing the lump in your throat you gestured for Stella who was filling a glass with beer. She handed the beverage to a man at the other end of the bar making her way towards you.

“Can I get a shot? Surprise me, something strong.” You requested just as a body slid into the chair next to you. The only seat still available at the bar. Glancing to your left your stomach only tightened.

“Hey.” Your ex boyfriend gave you a genuine smile hanging his coat on the back of the stool.

“Well if it isn’t Matthew Casey.” The blonde to his left interrupted before you could answer. His attention quickly turned to a girl you recognized from the State Attorney’s office. How you didn’t realize she was sitting there before was beyond you. You had loathed her from the moment she tried to entice Matt into getting a drink when you were out of town after him and Severide had helped them with a case.

“Kaylee, hey how are you?” Matt greeted, and you could see the minute she turned her charm on, turning her body to face him, chest popping out slightly, eyelashes fluttering, and a soft smirk appearing on her lips. You would venture a guess that she had heard about your breakup somehow, not that she cared if he was in a relationship before. Stella appeared back in front of you.

“Yeah, make that two.” You sighed downing the tequila.

“[Y/N].” Stella warned glancing over to Matt and Kaylee who were now laughing. She was your best friend which meant she was also in charge of nixing your bad decisions when it was warranted.

“Just one more.” You looked at her pleading, she knew what a rough week it had been and you knew she was looking out for you but right now you didn’t care. She shook her head grabbing a bottle to fill the shot glass in front of you. “Thank you.” You nodded after feeling the burn down your throat a second time. You could feel Matt’s side eye and chose to ignore it for the better.

Thirty minutes later the shots were beginning to buzz in your bones only furthering your irritation when you watched Kaylee lean whispering into Matt’s ear.

“Hey.” A voice over your shoulder caused you to jump.

“What’s up?” You forced a smile at Severide. You and Severide had become close friends throughout the years mostly due to the grief of losing your partner and his best friend, sticking by each other’s sides through the thick of it, always having him nearby was a comfort.

“Just wanted to check in on you.” He sat down in the seat beside you that had been vacated 10 minutes ago. The one you were about to move to hoping it would lessen your ability of hearing Kaylee’s dare you say pathetic flirting.

“Yeah, I’m good!” You nodded, high pitched voice a little excessive. Were you coping super well? Not exactly. Trying to dissociate tragedies was supposed to come natural to you, just like everyone else in the firehouse and normally you could maybe, but Chicago seemed to implode this week and despite all your best efforts you were fighting a losing battle on almost all occasions. That’s the reason you asked Connor about the little boy from this morning expecting a good report and your spirits to be raised only to be shocked at the truth.

“Mhmm,” he raised an eyebrow glancing over your shoulder at his best friend’s back, “I’m sure that’s true.”

“It’s just like.. does he have to do it right here.” You rolled your eyes, whispering to Kelly, for no good reason since Matt was clearly so enthralled in conversation he wouldn’t have heard you anyway.

“Payback is a bitch, [Y/L/N].” Kelly chuckled, eliciting confusion to appear on your face.

“What does that even mean?” You tried to take a drink before realizing your glass had nothing but ice left, “Gallo,” you summed the dark haired man over holding your drink up.

“You know, [Y/N], I get off early tonight.” Gallo filled your glass wiggling his eyebrows which earned a laugh from Severide. Blake was cute, adorable actually. The kind of guy that would fall at a woman’s feet, make her wonder why she ever spent her life with any other loser. Not someone you wasted a quick hookup on, and right now that’s all you wanted.

“Yeah buddy, see how well that plays out for you.” Severide wore a smug grin, which annoyed you just because he was skilled at getting girls in bed with him didn’t mean he could make fun of the poor kid.

“Ritter gonna be out tonight? Cause I tend to get loud.” You lowered your voice head cocking to the side, a flirty grin appearing on your face, instantly causing redness to form around Blake’s cheeks as he slid the newly filled glass towards you.

“God knows that’s the truth.” Severide huffed, taking a drink of his beer, and your head whipped to him, a scowl appearing.

“Oh fuck you, I had to deal with your hookups on god knows what surfaces for practically a year straight so hush,” You shoved him, you and Matt hadn’t exactly lived together, but you might as well have. You stayed with him practically every night off and since Severide was his roommate he may have been unfortunate enough to be subjected to your pleasure induced sounds every once in a while. “And don’t act like you didn’t like it.” You teased.

Gallo coughed around the drink of water he had just taken, obviously taken back.

You had considered continuing the charade until you heard Kaylee ask Matt if his place was close. Stomach clenching at the words you moved quickly to take a drink, too quickly apparently as the drink ended up in Matt’s lap instead of in your mouth.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry!” Heat immediately surfaced on your face. You truly didn’t mean to knock your full glass into Matt’s lap. The adrenaline from your jealousy mixed with everything else that week had you completely flustered and the cup slipped right out of your hand, but you knew from the outside looking in it would never look that way.

You could hear Kaylee scoff, looking up to see her roll her eyes dramatically. “Matt I didn’t-“ You flushed taking a single napkin trying and failing to help the mess at all.

“[Y/N], it’s fine. I just..I’ll be back.” He waved you off, stepping towards the bathroom.

“That was convenient.” Kaylee commented harshly, taking a sip of her martini.

“Believe me you don’t want to go there tod-“ You began to stand up, but beside you Kelly squeezed your knee keeping you put.

“Hey, it's not worth it. Trust me.” He encouraged, prompting you to shut up. Was it a good idea to get into a cat fight with an attorney? Probably not, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t tempting.

“Yeah, thanks. I’m going to go check on Casey.” You patted him on the shoulder heading towards the bathroom, throwing the blonde a glare.

“Matt?” You knocked on the door as a warning before pushing it open. The hand dryer on the wall was loudly whirring as he stood underneath it, the handle pointed at his crotch as best as it could be.

“I’m not mad,” he started the minute you appeared in front of the door, “I know you’ve had a rough week and don’t like her and you have every right not to, but-“ at his words your jaw almost dropped to the ground cutting him off.

“You’re not actually implying I did that on purpose.” You scoffed in disbelief, he knew you better than that.

“What am I supposed to think? It was pretty convenient timing, and I watched you down two shots the moment she started talking to me.” He laid his line of thinking out, and it was fair. Did you love seeing Kaylee flirt with him? Not for a single second. Were you trying to get trashed tonight? Absolutely. But regardless you would never do that to him.

“Fuck you, Matt. We both know we do what we need to in order to get through some weeks and sometimes that includes alcohol.” You defended, your face was beginning to heat up in anger at the accusation escalating. Not to mention you were far from drunk.

“Does that include hooking up with your superiors?” He quipped, making your heart drop at the realization he knew what the last few months held for you after your split.

“How do you know about that?” Panic took hold of your chest. Nobody was supposed to know, it could be really bad for both of you if anyone had found out about you and Hawkins.

“I have my sources.” He blew you off, once again hitting the hand dryer on the wall aiming his other thigh at it now. You weren’t dumb you knew exactly who his sources were, and Stella was gonna get an ear full later. She should know full well that anything that goes into her boyfriend’s ears will undoubtedly be in his best friend’s soon after. You and Kelly might’ve been close but he had an obvious loyalty to his partner in crime, “I’m just saying I haven’t felt the need to cause drama anytime you’ve left with Evan or your pick of the night.” His voice was raised even as the dryer dwindled to a stop.

“So, you’re slut shaming me now then? Is that what we’re doing?” You crossed your arms against your chest getting defensive

“Oh, come on [Y/N]. You know I’d never do that. Have all the sex you want, with whoever you want. It’s none of my business. I’d just request that you don’t let your ego cockblock me next time I’m trying to do the same.” He bit back. You knew he was right. He would never actually slut shame you and the accusation was a low blow, but the alcohol was causing annoyance to course throughout your body. Only heightened the second you watched him lean closer to the attorney.

“My ego? Really?” You laughed, humorously.

“Yes, your ego. You were jealous. Go ahead and admit it,” he encouraged and you rolled your eyes refusing to do as he asked, “you think I like watching you leave here with guys wrapped around your finger? I don’t at all, but at least I can admit it.” He took a paper towel from the dispenser. You had no idea why he was furiously dabbing at the mess, it was pretty clear the wreckage was cleaned as much as it possibly could be.

“This is ridiculous.” You huffed, the conversation was going absolutely nowhere. On a normal everyday basis you and Matt had been pretty good at putting your breakup on the back burner. Having to work with each other wasn’t always easy, but you both were handling it well with dignity and respect. Tonight, on the other hand, was different. Tempers were beginning to flare, and filters were flying out the window. All you were trying to do was offer him a genuine apology, but all you were getting in return was underhanded comments. “The only thing I came in here to do was take responsibility and apologize for an accident. I don’t know what your problem is.” You did not foresee this turning into a fight when you got up.

“You are!” He exclaimed, jaw tightening.

“Excuse me? What’s that supposed to mean?” Your emotions were beginning to boil. This made sense though. Your split was pretty amicable. Too afraid to say something and regret it later. Only having to face it every other day for the rest of your life, but maybe you were being too cautious. Maybe things needed to be said. Maybe mistakes needed to be made.

“You are,” he reiterated, stepping closer to you finally lowering his voice, “do you know how goddamn hard it’s been to see you leave here every week with a different guy? To hear that you’re fucking Hawkins when you’re all that’s still on my mind?” His voice was quivering and it took you a minute to adjust to the sudden change in tension. Surprised at his admission. You had never seen Matt like this. Even when you were together if someone had hit on you or overstepped their bounds he would kindly and calmly inform them that you were taken. Just as you would expect Matt Casey to. But this was something else. Months of built up jealousy, unable to do or say anything about it apparently taking a toll. His hand was gripping the sink so hard his knuckles were pure white, an anguished look in his eyes as he thought about it, and it was undeniably sexy. “I know that I have no right, but good lord, [Y/N]. It is slowly kill-“ You couldn’t even allow him to say another word. You were certain if you didn’t get your hands on him within the second you were going to burst into flames, gripping his face tightly, quickly molding his lips to yours. The rhythm was quick to find, familiarity not too far gone.

It didn't take Matt very long to take advantage of the kiss, pushing you back a few steps against the nearest wall, forcing his tongue into your mouth. Your hand found its way to the hair at the back of his neck threading your fingers through it. It was intense, fire quickly spreading through your body, slotting your hips against his leg, hips moving in desperation.

“Look at you, so fucking desperate. Like you haven’t been fucked right in months.” Matt’s hand rested on your ass encouraging the movement, lips moving down your neck.

It was true. Right after you and Matt had broken up you began frequenting bars, joining hookup apps, going home with a different guy multiple times a week. The problem was nobody matched up to him. There were some decent ones and some really sucky ones too, only concerned about how fast they could get there, skipping foreplay almost entirely, but no matter what without fail it always ended with you craving your ex. The only one to even slightly quench your thirst was your boss, Evan Hawkins so an occasional hookup may or may not have happened. What Matt clearly didn’t know is the agreement you two had, had recently come to an end after learning of a friend’s interest in the Chief. Leading to those hookups to become extinct over a month ago. So, whatever he was offering you were willing to take it without hesitation.

His teeth nipping at your collarbone only furthered your need allowing him to push you down harder on his leg. Leaning closer into him you took ahold of his hand that was gripping your hip trying to move it under your skirt.

“Uh uh uh,” He resisted, “it’s my thigh or nothing, baby.” He wore a cocky smirk, only growing the second you whined a quiet,

“Matt.” A defeated, pleading look appearing in your eyes. While his attitude was angering you slightly, only wanting to reach a high right this second, and you had no doubt his fingers could do exactly that, you couldn't deny how hot this was and how his ultimatum only furthered the wetness building between your legs.

“Show me how bad you need it, princess, but try not to be too loud there is an entire bar of our coworkers 50 feet away.” His thigh tightened as if he was wanting you to go against his warning, a strangled moan on the tip of your tongue, body getting as close to you as he possibly could so his smell engulfed you, a smell you missed having wrapped around you more than you thought.

You whimpered into his neck pushing your hips down harder, and you could feel him steadily growing against your hip. “You’re so beautiful you know that?” He complimented both hands moving to your ass encouraging you to speed up your movements, the friction from the denim winding a coil in your stomach. Your fingers clawed at his biceps looking for as much contact as possible. Head falling back against the wall, your eyes closing tightly, your breathing was starting to speed up shakily with every grind of your hips.

“Matt, I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if it’s enough.” You admitted, the knot growing but only torturing you as you continued to rut against his leg, needy whimpers spilling from your mouth.

“Yes, you can. I know you can. You want me so bad? Make a mess on me first. Be a good girl.” Matt encouraged flexing the muscle in his thigh once again, dragging his teeth down the side of your throat stopping to bite behind your ear, one hand coming up to tweak your hardened nipple over your top and you finally snapped, a breathless moan falling from your lips as Matt helped work you through your high.

“Good thing you already fucked up my pants earlier or else I’d be pretty concerned about the mess you're leaving behind right now. Your panties are going to be ruined.” He wasn’t kidding, there was absolutely zero doubt he would have evidence of this encounter on his thigh if you stepped off right now. He was however wrong about one thing.

“Not wearing any.” You shrugged, letting your leg fall shakily from Matt’s hip.

“For fucks sake.” He groaned pupils flashing even darker, roughly gripping the back of your neck and pulling your lips back to his for a sloppy kiss.

“Yours? It’s closer.” You mumbled into his neck after pulling away to get a breath, biting it playfully. Nodding he stepped back to pull his phone out of his pocket to reserve an Uber and unsurprisingly there was indeed a dark spot staining his jeans, but all you were focused on was the bulge to the right of it, mouth watering contemplating dropping to your knees right there, missing the weight of his cock on your tongue, when he grabbed your hand.

“We’ll go out the back.” He gave you a quick kiss, opening the door to check for anyone before sneaking through the kitchen out into the cold, a car pulling up to the curb just as you made it around the building.

The minute you were in the Uber your mouth was back on his.

“Sorry to interrupt but I’m gonna need an address confirmation before you suck all the air outta his lungs, honey.” A nice older woman, joked from the driver's seat. Blushing you mumbled an apology putting some space between you two. Matt chuckled in amusement, confirming the address on the screen.

“Probably get a lot of this, this time of night huh?” Matt began a conversation hand resting teasingly high on your thigh.

“Absolutely, but I don’t mind. It’s nice to see young people having fun. It’s cliche but you really do only live once and y’all are in your prime years. They go faster than you think. So, as long as everyone is being safe and aren’t actually doing anything disrespectful in my backseat I don’t mind.” She smiled, kindly. The conversation continued for the remaining 5 minutes until she pulled in front of Matt’s apartment building. “Have a good night you two. Be safe.” She winked. Giggling you got out thanking her, approving of Matt’s 5 star review and generous tip once you made it in the elevator. Your hand was clasped in his, thighs involuntarily rubbing together at the tension, having to behave with all your might thanks to the elderly couple who accompanied you.

As soon as the door to his apartment was closed and your shoes were discarded his mouth was back on yours, stealing your breath at the need he conveyed. Untucking your top from the skirt it was discarded on the hardwood, tapping your thighs you took the hint allowing him to wrap your legs around him walking you to his bedroom. It had been the first time you had been back in the apartment since the breakup. Heart aching as your mind flashbacked to Matt swallowing harshly, blinking back his tears, in an attempt to put on a strong front as you walked out.

Luckily, you were quickly teleported back to the present once your back hit his bed, allowing him to pull his shirt off in one movement.

You would never not stare, never could not stare at a shirtless Matt Casey. You had made it a point not to be near him in the locker room recently because it just was not a power you possessed. Not sure how it was a power anyone could possess as your eyes raked over his broad chest, his forearms and hands causing your hips to wiggle slightly. He didn’t let you gaze long though, bending to attack your bare chest. Hand moving between your thighs to learn you weren’t lying earlier, a groan escaping him at the finding. His lips laid kisses all over your breasts, fingers moving to trail down your slit hips immediately jumping.

“So needy.” His free hand squeezed your hip forcing it down, just as he pressed a finger in slowly you let out a deep sigh. It wasn’t enough, you needed more immediately.

“More..” You requested as he curled his finger just right putting more pressure against your waist when your pelvis fought to jerk forward. Obliging, he added a second finger increasing the speed. Your body was begging you to work for it, wanting to rock your hips down to ride his hand but his strong hold was preventing it. A groan fell from your lips the minute his thumb met your clit rubbing soft circles.

“You wanna come on my fingers?” He whispered in your ear, biting it softly. You were breathing heavily, quickly nodding your head yes in response. Your walls clenching when he crooked his fingers once again, so damn close, when he pulled away from you.

“Matt, what the fuck?” You whimpered, squirming under his lustful gaze.

“I don’t think you’re ready yet.” He brushed you off, but the glint in his eye proved how much he enjoyed this and it was clear you were in for a long night, leaning forward he pulled your last piece of clothing down your legs roughly tugging you towards the edge of the bed by your ankles, ending on his knees between your legs, and it was a sight to behold. One of your favorites if you were being honest. You were taken back at the lack of teasing the minute Matt shoved his mouth into your pussy, tongue darting out to lick your clit, a wail echoing from your lips, “You taste so damn good, forever my favorite meal, baby.” He praised nipping the sides of your thighs when his finger circled your entrance once again filling you. You directed all your focus towards keeping quiet as the knot grew tighter with every movement, hoping if you didn’t give him any sign of how close you were you could trick him into letting you come, hands twisted tight in the sheets when he sucked your clit finger curling to hit your sweet spot, but at the last second he pulled away, ripping you back from the brink once again.

“Fuck!” You huffed, hand punching the sheets, Matt chuckled above you,

“You’re so cute thinking I don’t know your body like the back of my hand.” And okay while this sucked, cocky Matt was intoxicating.

He edged you three more times and you were so wound up you feared the second he got in you, you would burst. You were physically panting, tears covering the sheets under your head.

“Matt-please. I’ll fucking call Hawkins right now.” You bargained, and despite the jealously that flashed deeper on his face he grinned smugly.

“You think threatening me right now is a good idea?” His eyebrow raised.

“I don’t know! I just need something, anything please.” Your thighs squeezed together begging for friction. Your eyes traveled down the man’s body, hardness in his jeans more than evident and you reached out towards him, missing the feeling of him in your hand, getting to watch his face scrunch in pleasure with just a flick of your wrist, but he caught your hand.

“Tonight’s about you baby, and making you wonder why you’d ever want someone else to put their dick in you.” He winked, his words actually surprised you. He was never this territorial over you, but it lit an even bigger fire inside of you. “Tell me what you want.” He ordered hands resting against the edge of the bed.

“You, right now. Anyway you’ll give it to me.” You wasted no time in answering, batting your eyelashes.

Smiling he finally pulled his jeans and boxers down allowing the bulge in his pants room breathe, tip red and dripping, moving to hover on top of you, he teased his cock through your wetness appreciating the way your cheeks flushed, his pupils dark not allowing you much time to drool, “Condom?” He asked, seemingly forgetting until this point not used to having to use them with you since you were on birth control, “I’m sure Severide has some.” You could see the hurt in his eyes from having to ask, and it made your heart ache in turn, but you shook your head,

“I’ve made everyone else wear one.” You explained, hooking your legs around his hips and his relief was obvious.

“Ready?” He leaned down to place a soft kiss on your forehead, a welcoming softness in a tension filled room.

“God, yes.” You wiggled your hips attempting to angle him in.

At the confirmation Matt thrusted deep into you pulling a gasp out of you at the roughness. You could vividly remember the first time Matt and you had sex. Gentle, intimate, loving after years of longing and avoiding the inevitable between you two. Completely different than right now. You wouldn’t be surprised if tomorrow you found marks from the Captain’s fingers around your hips pulling you towards him feverishly, everytime his dick thrusted forward into you, and it was exactly what you needed. It took a whole two seconds for you to fill the room with moans, allowing him to manhandle you from the start. He maneuvered your legs from his hips to his shoulders enabling him to go deeper, screaming when he thrusted his hips the perfect way, “Matt-oh my god,“ your body was tightening embarrassingly fast.

“Yeah, baby?” He gritted, and you were extremely impressed at how well he was keeping his composure tonight.

“You’re so fucking good.” You complimented through ragged breaths, eyes tightly shutting at the growing pressure.

“Go and fuck whoever you want, but you’re always gonna end up back here, baby. Cause nobody can fuck this pussy better than me, huh? Tell me I’m right baby girl, you don’t come until you do.” He bargained, pulling out so just the tip was in you, slowing down his thrusts. You didn’t want to give in, to give him the satisfaction regardless of it being the truth, but based on how he was acting tonight you really believed if you didn’t confirm his suspicions he wouldn’t let you come, and you just might actually die if that was the case. Literally whining, tears springing to your eyes, your feet dug into his shoulders in an attempt to make him go deeper. So fucking close, your muscles hurt from the strain of being so tightly wound time and time again, “Sweetheart, I can come just like this right now if you want me to. Be like every other guy you’ve been with recently. Is that what you want?” His tone was dripping in arrogance and his shallow thrusts were successfully torturing you. How this side of him could be completely infuriating but completely erotic at the same time was beyond your comprehension at the moment. You had never been so distraught, allowing your pride to go out the window without a second thought.

“Matt-“ you felt the tears starting to run down your face, “please. It’s you- it’s yours. Need you, always need you. Please let me come.” Your breathing was ragged, hips doing their best to entice him closer, pull him in on their own accord.

“Good girl.” He praised leaning down to kiss the tears away softly, “you’re so damn pretty.” He smiled genuinely, studying your features.

“Fuck me, Captain.” You smirked, although enjoying the snippet of fluff. Laughing, Casey returned to his previous position.

“Remember you asked for it.” He teased throwing you a wink before flipping you over on your stomach, ramming into you harder this time. The bunch of nerves you had felt plenty of times tonight already quickly returning full force, Matt was finally starting to lose his cool, grunts falling from his lips.

“Fuck, [Y/N].” Looking over your shoulder you could see his eyes were between your legs intently watching where you two met, a sight you wish you had the ability to see.

“Matt-“ a broken sob fell from your lips, “so close.” You were attempting to move your hips with his but the brutal pace he had set was hard to match. He wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you up against his chest. Pressing the fingers from his right hand against your clit, rubbing soft circles.

“Go ahead, gorgeous.” He encouraged into your ear kissing the back of your neck, seconds later your body practically convulsed finally letting go, back arching off into his chest, a loud moan echoing in the room. Matt having to hold you up completely as you worked through your high. He followed soon after filling you with warmth every time his dick twitched. A feeling you missed more than you’d like to admit.

You lay in silence after collapsing on the mattress, legs shaking, Casey’s head dug into your neck trying to resurrect his breath, heart beating rapidly against your back. The intensity finally dwindling, causing an unwelcome sob to break out of you at the sudden change of environment. Matt’s head shot up at the sound.

“Hey hey hey, what’s wrong? I’m sorry, was it too much?” Matt’s body went rigid concern lighting his eyes, as he took your face between his hands.

“No, not at all. It was incredible. I’m sorry, I’m being ridiculous.” You tried to brush him off, a wet laugh coming out, attempting to get out from under him and off the bed.

“No, come here. Talk to me.” He repositioned you so you were now laying on top of him against his chest. Holding you tightly.

“It’s just…I’ve had the most terrible week. Truly awful and all I’ve wanted, all I’ve craved every single day was a Matthew Casey hug.” You sniffed, shaking your head embarrassingly. His arms tightened around you at your confession, dropping a kiss against your head, and the familiarity did exactly as you assumed it would, tension releasing from your body, relaxation taking over in its place.

“Baby, I’ll I’ve wanted to do this week is give you a hug. I’m right here. I’m always right here. No matter what, I’m yours, baby, and I will wait however long it takes for you to come back to me and realize that I’m the guy for you.” His hand was trailing soothingly up and down your back.

“I’m just scared, Matt.” You had never given him a true reason for leaving, claiming you just didn’t know if you felt right in a relationship at the time.

“Of what?” He asked.

“Having to watch you run into burning buildings has never been my favorite regardless of how good you look in bunker gear, but..after Otis it’s just been unbearable, and I just thought maybe if I broke it off it would get easier. It would just feel uneasy like with Kelly or Stella rather than crippling.” You explained, emotions getting the better of you as you thought back to losing Otis and having to watch Katie crumble.

Chloe had the same thoughts and luckily for Cruz she learned to accept it, but she also didn’t have to physically witness it. She didn’t have to worry every time Boden’s face ticked with concern when he didn’t like something. Didn’t have to count down the seconds waiting for him to reappear in the smoke when Boden pulled them. Didn’t have to beg your shaking hands to stay steady and focus on the patient when you heard an accidental pass alarm.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?” His voice was so calm, so full of sympathy.

“What were you gonna do, Matt?” He wasn’t going to stop being a firefighter and you’d never want him to.

“I don’t know.” He admitted, “Has it worked?” It was a question he didn’t want to ask, but one he needed an answer to.

“Far from it,” you shook your head swallowing more tears, “I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it, losing Otis, watching everyone fall apart maybe it’s something I need to talk to someone about, but regardless it’s just made me realize god forbid something did happen I’d be so pissed I didn’t spend everyday with you that I could. I love you with my entire being Matthew Casey, and I think it’s pretty clear that’ll never stop.” You finally looked up at him.

“This is the dick lust talking isn’t it?” He joked after a beat of silence allowing you to laugh, smacking him in the chest. “I promise I will do everything I can to always come out for you.” He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear closing his eyes to kiss you on the head.

“I think jealous Matt is my new favorite Matt.” You grinned eyes sparkling.

“Hawkins is just lucky his face is still intact.” He growled, only confirming your new opinion.

“I’m hungry.” You attempted to steer off the topic, accompanied by your stomach rumbling.

“We did put in quite a workout.” Matt joked kissing your cheek, “I can order some pizza let me just see if Severide is home.” He jumped up to put a pair of sweatpants on, throwing you a Chicago Fire sweatshirt of his basking in his scent overwhelming you.

“God bless him if he is.” You winced thinking back to his comment in the bar earlier. Throwing the piece of clothing on as Matt disappeared into the hallway.

Two minutes later the man in question appeared in your doorway, arms crossed against his chest, a cocky look on his face.

“You seriously need to learn these walls aren’t soundproof.” He quipped, forcing a blush on your cheeks.

“You know what? You had to have seen the trail of clothes when you got home you knew what you were getting into.” You defended, shrugging.

“I’m just kidding, I got home like two minutes ago. Figured I’d give you some time when neither of you happened to come back to the bar.” He laughed when you rolled your eyes, walking to sit on the bottom of the bed, “I’m sorry for telling him about Hawkins by the way. I was just trying to kick his ass into gear.”

“Alright, it’s ordered, 35 minutes.” Matt announced as he reappeared in the room, climbing back into his bed beside you pulling you into his side.

“Casey, your girl almost took down an attorney today. Who by the way wasn’t very happy when you never returned.”

It was a perfect end to a not so perfect week.

#Matt Casey #matthew casey #matt casey imagine #matt casey smut #matt caseyxreader #mattcaseyxreader #matt casey x reader #chicago fire imagine #chicago fire x reader

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withoutyouimsaskia · 7 months

Text

Sometimes It's Fated (Sandman Short Story Part 2)

GIF: Originally posted by @harleytudinous

Pairing: Morpheus/Dream of the Endless x AFAB reader

Summary: Reader Self-Insert. After restoring the Dreaming and locating the missing dreams and nightmares, Morpheus turns his attention to finding you, the human he believes fate has chosen for him. (Title inspired by Placebo's "This Picture".)

Warnings: Minors DNI. Dark!Morpheus. Soulmates. Angst. Obsessive and possessive behaviour. Tension. Threat. Dream manipulation. Masturbation. Voyeurism. Plot related cigarette use. Dubious consent.

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: So I know I initially billed this as a two shot but the story has run away with me in the most lovely way. Part 3 will be coming soon. Thank you for all your kind responses to part 1, it honestly means so much to me. Hope you enjoy this one too. All my love, Saskia xx

Sandman Masterlist

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The veil of sleep comes down upon your weary body with a feather-light touch, trying to coax your mind back into the world of dreams.

Dreamscapes have been a whole new experience for you in the past month of your life. Before, you would wake with no recollection of what had played out. Not even the slightest inkling. Now, you remember everything.

They are staggering; bursting with details and ideas beyond your most outlandish daytime imaginings. The emotions that are conjured by them, both when asleep and also awake are just as bold.

And even though it's been 23 nights since it started you are still finding them predominantly jarring and disorientating. You are baffled by how other people cope with the sheer vividness. The unpredictability. Maybe they have become desensitised. You can only hope that the same will happen for you in time.

One thing you tell yourself with each sunrise:

Thank goodness they weren't nightmares.

At least, you don't think they are. There's no resemblance between yours and what you have heard others describe over the years, nor to those outlined in a dream decoding book you had checked out of the library last week. There's no obvious threat or fear. No re-living of traumatic events. Just weird subtext.

The first dream found you standing barefoot on a beach. A mirage distorted the particulars of the scene making it impossible to see further than half a meter in front of you. The temperature of the sand under your soles was verging on painful and as such, it forced you to walk into the unknown before you.

A groaning wind started to brew and lifted the sand into sparkling flurries. You shielded your eyes from the abrasive particles.

The sun was at its apex when you heard the ear splitting bangs. Unmistakably gun shots; you didn't last much longer in the dream and woke with a start.

For the next week, your dreams had been like a series of video clips edited into a supercut.

Raven wings. Black cats. Hellfire. Ruby red glow. Sprawling library shelves. Landscapes hewn by earthquake fissures. Hotel corridors. A handsome, blond haired man wearing sunglasses, holding a blood covered knife.

If you didn't know any better, you would begin to suspect that your new box of tea bags had been laced with a psychedelic. Alas, no. Your hypothesis was unequivocally disproved when you friends had been completely unaffected after stopping by for a Sunday afternoon catch up.

This quick fire of snapshots eventually stopped, transforming into lucid long form dreams. You often think back to the first one where it happened.

Standing in the the empty room, and the appearance of the figure dressed in black. The colour that had flashed in their midnight eyes had the quality of liquid silver. Sometimes you wonder if you see the same image in other dreams, standing in amongst a crowd.

From that point on, regardless of what dream you are in, you cannot shake the intuitive prickle down your spine that tells you someone is watching you.

You reason that it is nothing to be concerned about. Humans dream, and you cannot deny that some of them - swimming in a sea of clouds, re-visiting childhood haunts, trying out superpowers - have been quite fun.

You roll over on to your left side and close your eyes.

You dream.

The room you see is expansive in breadth and depth. Impressive windows bring brilliant light into the space which bounces off the ivory stone of the floors and walls. There are statues positioned at equidistant intervals, implying that the chamber is a gallery of sorts.

One effigy, fashioned from bronze, and rich in colour draws your attention. The lines and curves of its form intrigue you, despite not knowing the creature it was portraying.

You are about to move on when the feeling of being watched sparks through your skeleton.

Everything changes.

Clarity gives way to haze. Sun is swapped for moon.

You see a man across the room. He stands with a perfect posture. Graceful, powerful. His elbows are bent, fingers interlaced, palms facing upwards. Sheer black fabric floats around his frame. It moves languidly, giving glimpses of his bare body beneath.

The man's face is imperceptible. The distance between you too great but somehow you know you are the focus of his attention.

His robes fall to the floor with a gossamer sigh. The pale, unmarked skin of his slight form glows beautifully in the moonlight. You look down in embarrassment as arousal flushes through you, and you see that you are suddenly as naked as he is.

You gasp, and snap your gaze back up.

The sight you see is rather unexpected. The man is intimately touching himself.

You feel compelled to mirror him. You immediately reach between your legs. The man groans as you make contact.

All it takes is a little bit of attention on your clit before you are ready to slide two fingers into your core. The noise you make at the feeling of the stretch is salacious. The man echoes you with a sound that is just as dirty.

It spurs you on and you burrow deeper.

You curl your fingers until your legs are weak and quivering. You long to sink to your knees so you can finish in a more comfortable position yet you can't. An invisible force is preventing you.

It keeps you on display.

Just like the statues to your left.

You wonder if it is for the man's benefit.

You try to focus on him but it is impossible to do so through the trembling glaze over your eyes. All you are able to sense from him now is the sound of the rhythmic pump of his palm around his cock and his panting breaths.

Desperate whines escape your lips. You are teetering on the edge of an orgasm but you can't seem to lose your balance and fall into the abyss. The unsteadiness in your legs is too much of a distraction. You rub at your clit again in the hope that it will bring the satisfaction you need.

It does nothing.

You are so frustrated by your body's disobedience that it is almost painful.

"Please. Please. Please," you mutter under your breath.

A voice suddenly speaks next to you ear. A velvet voice with the timbre of a thunder rumble. It pours like a soothing syrup into your brain and commands you to do exactly as it bids.

"Let go."

You climax intensely, crying out in relief, squirting all over your fingers and onto your hand as you legs finally give way.

The fall jolts you back into consciousness and you wake with a barely contained scream of pleasure in your throat and adrenaline lighting up your nervous system.

Daylight is peeking through a little gap in the curtains. You take a deep, grounding breath.

That was obscene.

The context, the actions, the sounds. That sultry voice at the end. From the throbbing in your vulva and the twitching of your legs it seems like you didn't just finish in the dream.

There is really no point in looking it up in the dream decoding book.

You were clearly horny on a subconscious level. Or craving attention, hence the exhibitionist behaviour. The latter is not usually in your nature to seek out but if it is the reason, you might not have to wait long before the desire is fulfilled. There is a work event happening this evening that may require you to accept an award and address the crowd.

You love this time of year where community projects get recognition; a nomination alone is a sure-fire way of garnering publicity which in turn helps the charity's outreach.

But first, a normal day at the office. You throw back the covers and go straight to the bathroom to rinse off the evidence of your wet dream.

---------------------------------------------

Your right hand connects with the metal push plate of the function space's front door. The heels of your boots click and clack as you cross the threshold, moving from floor board to paving slab.

It's fortuitous that you brought a long, thick coat with you this evening for the wind is wintery and unforgiving. You stay close to the wall of the building to try and shelter from it as much as possible.

The pavements are slick with recent precipitation, streetlamps bouncing off of the water with caustic white light.

Then you see him; a figure cut from shadow.

He's breathing in such a laboured way that you wonder if he is sick.

Your phone is still inside the venue, currently being guarded by a colleague along with your bag but it wouldn't take long to retrieve it and call for medical assistance.

"You okay?" Concern colours the simple question.

His reply comes quickly and assertively, "I am well, thank you."

You nod, not entirely convinced for the stranger's response was as stiff as his posture, and reach inside the pocket of your coat for the box of cigarettes and lighter stashed within.

You settle one of the sticks between your lips and use your thumb to bring forth a flame. The crackle of smouldering paper and tobacco perforates the damp air and you take a needy drag. The nicotine taints and tantalises in equal measure, filling you with guilt and relief. You've been trying to give up but the little voice inside your head had won this evening. You close your eyes and focus on the pleasure it brings before flicking some ash into the tray mounted to the wall.

Your attention now back on your surroundings, the stranger steps into the scope of the streetlight. The angles of his cheekbones, jaw and nose are accentuated to an incredible extent in the gleam. His dark hair is being buffeted about the wind, locks of it very close to falling in the blue eyes that are unwaveringly trained on you. He begins to talk again, showcasing his deep baritone.

"I'm afraid I wasn't entirely honest with you just now. It is not how I envisaged our first interaction transpiring. I hope that you can forgive me for my deception."

You laugh nervously and take another quick drag. "It makes no difference if you're honest with me or not. I don't know you."

"You are correct. You don't know me. Not yet -"

"Oh," you cut in quickly. "I'm not looking for a hook up."

While you cannot deny that he is arrestingly beautiful, you are technically working and have never been one for one-night stands.

"You mistake my meaning. I have been searching for you for so long. I oftentimes doubted your existence however I was wrong and I find myself humbled to be in your presence at last."

The grandiose declaration is one of the stranger things you have heard in your life and you used to deal with drunken patrons when you worked at a university bar. Maybe he was intoxicated; it would explain a lot.

"Look, this might work on other people but I just came out here to have a cigarette -"

It is his turn to interrupt you now. "You will have no need of those going forward. Your addiction to them will be replaced by me."

"Excuse me?"

You are trying to sound incredulous, however, inside you are rather frightened by the turn the conversation has taken. His gaze is not helping either.

The crystalline eyes are embodying every part of the descriptor; a hard, chill inducing blue. Ash drops from the smouldering cigarette as a tremble of fear rattles through you. The man sees this and the ice suddenly melts to a warmer hue.

His tone turns soft and gentle. "We are supposed to be together. Our union is fated."

He's staring at you expectantly even after your two attempts at rejection. You swiftly stub out the part-finished cigarette and take ownership in ending the interaction.

"I've had enough of this. I'm going back inside now. If you try and follow me, I will speak to the venue's management. If you are still here when I leave later, I will call the police."

You turn towards the door.

He calls your name. Your full name. Middle name too.

Despite your brain chanting at you to go inside, you can't stop yourself from looking back at him. "H-how do you know my full name?"

The profound rumble of his voice resonates deep in your ears. "I know everything about you, Y/N."

He's right in front of you now. His posture is bordering between desperate and predatory. Like he can't quite decide if he is seeking comfort from you, or if he wants to consume you.

You are fumbling behind you to find the door handle. "Please get away from me," you say hoarsely.

He reaches for your hand.

You jump back and struggle to get out of his grip but his strength is inhumanly strong. His skin of his palm is glacial against yours and yet somehow, the touch makes heat snake up your arm and settle in your chest.

You become aware of an internal feeling that you've always had, like that of chapped lips. Low level but something that constantly nags. Something that existed every minute of your life until the moment he touched you.

You grip his hand and look up at his face in astonishment.

"Good. That's it. Look into my eyes. See what you know is there."

You do as he says, totally stunned by the depths that seem to reside within them. It's as if there are universes suspended inside. Maybe there are. Perhaps you could float among the celestial bodies if you asked him to show you how.

You feel so alive and overstimulated that you welcome the delirious thoughts taking over your mind.

You welcome him.

It's like there is a cord connected between your heart and his that is shortening in length. The intensity scares you.

"Give into the pull," he urges darkly, sensing your anxiety.

You obey, feet moving of their own accord and then you are standing before him, just centimetres apart.

He smiles triumphantly and presses you flush against his body.

His free hand comes up to cup your jaw, fingers brushing the sensitive skin of your neck. More heat sears through you from the additional skin-on-skin contact.

Your peripheral vision closes tighter and tighter with every passing moment. The outside world is gone.

He leans in further and you wonder hazily if he is going to kiss you or break your neck. Both options are equally viable given the behaviour he has exhibited. You keep staring at him regardless.

His irises flash silver as he intones his next sentence. "Y/N, I claim you as my soulmate."

-------------------------------------

Taglist: @herfantasyworldd @kpopgirlbtssvt

"Am I your dream girl? You think of me in bed. But you could never hold me. You like me better in your head."

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pt2change · 9 months

Text

new beginnings — jeon jungkook

[gif source]

pairing: biker!jungkook x bartender!yn

genre: typical ‘let’s kiss at midnight on new years’ au, except they’re complete strangers, fluff, i think that pretty much sums it up

word count: 1,381

↣ bts masterlist

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

the weekends were always a hard shift

everyone would go out and get extremely wasted

and yeah, your job didn’t make it easy to tolerate with drunk assholes, but you didn’t mind, in fact, you sometimes found it funny

you opened the door to the bar you worked at and walked straight in, going to the small space in the back where staff would go before opening

you quickly walked over to the small locker you were assigned to when you first started

you took your jacket off and began to put all your belongings inside, grabbing your name tag and clipping it onto your shirt

it always surprised you how many people would show up to a bar on new year’s eve, making it the busiest day of the year aside from christmas.

it’s typically couples that come in to have a drink and share a kiss at midnight or multiple groups of friends would come in to party

“you’re spending new years the same way i am?” your middle aged co-worker, sarah, asked you

“oh yeah, sitting around and watching movies.” you chuckled, putting on the apron that started at your hips and ends at mid thigh

you used to hate wearing it, but all the staff members do, so you don’t mind it that much anymore

sarah laughed, she walked out from the back, and began playing music from the jukebox that sat in the bar.

you sighed as the music began to play throughout the small building

it did help calm you down and prepare you for the long night ahead

you walked to the front doors of the bar and unlocked the doors, you also grabbed a blackboard sign with prices and details about drinks, and placed it outside

you looked up to see the christmas lights that hung around the building, and all other light from different buildings too

you smiled to yourself as you watch the snow fall from the sky, settling softly into the ground

this was your favorite time of year

you walked back into the bar, looking at sarah, who was wearing glittery glasses that read ‘happy new year’

“i’m not wearing that.” you shook your head and chuckled, making your way behind the bar

sarah smiled at you, “i know. so i got you this instead-“ and pulled out a simple black and gold headband that read ‘2024’ and places it on your head

you nodded your head, walked over to the jukebox and turned up the volume

you started getting to work as the bar slowly began filling up with people

it was almost completely full, and you and sarah rushed around, getting drinks to everyone that asked for one, it was just you two working the bar, but you wouldn’t have it any other way

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"god, it's freezing…" a man said as he rubbed his two hands together, blowing into them for heat, his feet trailing through the snow

every single bar he passed, the music was blasting out of them and they all seemed full and warm

he walked by and spotted one in the corner of the street, it looked inviting

i mean, he didn't even care if he was by himself, he just needed a drink

he walked into the bar, mazing through the groups of people

he sat down on a stool at the bar, looking at the two girls working behind it, this was definitely one of the busiest bars in the city

"what can i get for you?" sarah smiled, leaning over the bar and smiling to him.

"a shot of whiskey.." he smiled to her politely, handing her the money

"coming right up." sarah smiled, taking the money and putting it in her apron for the time being

"there you go…" she said placing the glass down, "have a nice night." she smiled, moving over to attend to another customer

jungkook was rarely in bars because he enjoyed the comfort of drinking inside his home

but he felt he needed some cheering up, and that’s why he ended up stopping at the small bar on his way back home

he was spending another new years alone. sure, he’s had his fair share of relationships, but he just couldn’t stay committed.

this time of year was filled with couples kissing left and right, which only made him realize how lonely he was.

“is something wrong with your drink?” you asked him, wanting to make sure all your customers were satisfied.

jungkook looked up, and paused when he looked at the person in front of him

your eyes innocently staring back at his, your cute smile was doing something to him

you were perfect.

“n-no it’s fine” jungkook smiled at you.

“are you sure? i can get you something else if you’d like.” you looked at him, gesturing to the variety of drinks behind you.

“if you insist,” he chuckles, “can i just get a glass of beer?” he smiled at you.

“yes sir” you smiled at him, grabbing a new glass to pour the beer in. after pouring it, you walked over to him and placed it neatly in front of him

you leave the glass of whiskey too, in case he decides to drink it after all

“thank you.”

“so are you here alone?” you leaned over the bar just a little bit

“yeah..” jungkook nodded, grabbing the glass in his hands.

“okay so let me guess,” you started, “you’re children are driving you insane, so you told your wife you needed to buy something last minute, but in reality you just came here? or new years makes you feel a bit lonely and you came here to see if it would cheer you up?”

jungkook chuckled, “the second one sounds about right.”

“i thought so.. i guess that makes two of us” you said, letting a small laugh escape from you. “enjoy your beer.” you smiled at him before walking away, and began taking orders from other customers

he watched as you walked away, he’d never seen someone more beautiful

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a few hours had passed, and there was 5 minutes left until it was officially new year’s day

you had been exchanging smiles with the same man at the bar, switching from his beer (and whiskey that he did in fact drink) to something non alcoholic, getting smirks from him

you weren’t usually this comfortable with men that came to the bar, or ones that looked at you and tried to make conversation

maybe it was because he was almost completely sober and wasn’t trying to get into your pants

or maybe he was…

either way, you didn’t mind him staring at you.

you and sarah finally took a break from serving drinks and got yourselves one, as everyone started to countdown from the last minute until new year’s day

you walked over towards jungkook and leaned over the bar.

"you know, in a few seconds, most of the people in this room are going to be kissing and hugging…" you smiled to him

“oh? are they?” he raised his eyebrows

”yeah,” you nodded, “and just so we don’t look so lonely…” you smiled as you watched the clock strike midnight.

jungkook watched as you placed your lips against his, and he kissed back softly just enough so you both could enjoy it

jungkook was surprised you had just come up and kissed him, but he wasn’t complaining

you pulled away from him, “happy new years.” you smiled

and you slowly walked away, going back to serving other customers

jungkook’s eyes didn't leave you for the rest of the night

until, at 2am, he finally decided he should go home

you had turned around to face him again and realized that he had already left the bar, leaving his empty glass with a piece of paper stuck to the bottom of it

you walked over and picked it up, taking the paper which had a phone number and name, jungkook, on it

you smiled to yourself and put the paper in your jean pocket, walking over to the dish washer and placing the empty glass in it.

"oh, someone looks happy" sarah nudged you, pulling the lever down and pouring a glass of beer

"well… it is new years" you smiled

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wen-kexing-apologist · 5 months

Text

Episode 12: Doors!

And here we are at the end of the line. Thank you to all who continued to tag spoilers and shout out to those who were actually patient enough to wait week to week. I tried, but caved almost immediately, who would have guessed? (everyone. everyone guessed.)

I remember feeling strange watching this episode because I felt like tonally it was so off of everything else that we had been presented with. While there have always been comedic moments in the show, I felt like episode 12 really leaned in to the comedy in a way that was slightly jarring because they were still wrapping some things up. Just my opinion, I think what would have worked better for me structurally is if we took the medical stuff out, had Qian and Yuan kiss at the beginning of episode 11, Qian had balked, they have sex at the end of episode 11, and we open episode 12 with the morning after scene, and we move the time skip to when Lili gets pregnant so that isn’t twenty-three and having to give up her career ambitions. And then the more consistently comedic tone of episode 12 would have made more sense to me.

REGARDLESS, I did very much love how they handled the pregnancy reveal and the tension between the comedy and the sincerity in the scene. So I really want to talk about it.

Qian enters the house, announcing his presence and then stopping almost immediately in the doorway looking around in surprise because he very much did not expect the house to be dark and empty. He calls up the stairs after Yuan and Lili and remarks to himself “what’s going on? They asked me to get groceries.” and I do not think it is an accident that the way Qian enters and interacts with this empty space feels paternalistic, the parent calling up the stairs after their children in case they didn’t hear them the first time.

all gifs in this analysis done by the phenomenal, the talented @wanderlust-in-my-soul

He looks down at the table, and you can see the moment the sonogram photos catches his eye with the urgency in his movement to get all the bags he’s carrying off of him so he can pick the photo up. He studies the photo, and you can see the internal monologue on Chris’ face as Qian fully clues in to what he’s seeing and what it means. Mouth slightly agape, eyes slightly widening, but moving around in time with his thoughts. And initially I laughed at this moment because I thought that everyone knew Qian’s reaction would be rough and had fled the house to give him some time to cool off.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and heads up the stairs while dialing Yuan so that he’s killing two birds with one stone. It is notable to me, the decisions they make in the direction of this scene because despite Qian already having figured out that that sonogram is likely Lili’s, it is not Lili that he seeks out to deal with it. It is Yuan. Because when he heads up the stairs he’s also not walking up to Lili’s door, he stops and looks at Yuan’s.

But Lili is hiding in there, because misdirection to throw Qian off his rhythm seemed like the best way to interrupt any building emotions. Yuan hears Qian’s footsteps stop and comes out of Lili’s room before Qian has a chance to knock or flat out enter Yuan’s room. This is all around the strategic move. They are going to have to talk about it with Qian eventually, so it might as well be now, and Qian historically has a much different reaction to Yuan than he does with the rest of his little family, so they are sending in the big guns first, to try to get ahead of the reaction they expect from Qian. If Yuan knows and can calm him down, maybe the conversation will go a bit smoother.

I love that it cuts immediately to a shot of Lili pressed up against Yuan’s door, listening intently so she can analyze the situation and determine when it might be best to make her presence known. “Why were you in Xiao Bao’s room?” Lili hears Qian ask through the door. “What’s the meaning of this?” we cut back to the hallway, where Qian is, rather calmly showing the sonogram photo to Yuan.

So far, Qian is being quite cool about this. No big emotions, no yelling about the photo. Yuan sucks in a deep breath, as he prepares himself to deliver the news. “You saw it.” he says, as if this is something Qian stumbled upon rather than something they all intentionally left for him to find. “Well…” he tries, Yuan tries to start explaining, but there is some hesitation in his voice. Not out of fear, but just because he doesn’t quite have the right words to say what needs to be said. And he isn’t meeting Qian’s eye.

Lili steps out of Yuan’s room, before Yuan has a chance to get the words out. Which I appreciate, I don’t think Yuan should be the one to tell Qian that Lili is pregnant. Qian initially turns his head towards the movement and then as Lili steps out fully Qian slowly turns his entire body towards his sister, softening his body language as he goes. The hand holding the sonogram photo drops to his side, the hand holding his cellphone moves, fingers curled lightly, to put his phone in his pocket.

“You…you’re going to be an uncle.” Lili says in a quiet voice, and initially she cannot look at Qian. When she tries to start the sentence, she is looking at the ground, and it is only as she gets about halfway through the announcement that she finally casts her eyes upward to look at Qian. Neither Yuan nor Lili brave enough to Say The Thing aloud if they have to look at Qian, his presence is known but cannot be initially acknowledged if they are going to be brave enough to tell him this. They saw what happened when he found out San Pang was dating his sister, what would he do when he found out San Pang had gotten his little sister pregnant?

Qian casts his eyes downward, towards the photo in his hand, then back up and to the side, away from Lili’s face taking in a big breath and giving himself the time he needs to process his feelings and find the appropriate reaction. Because there is no way he doesn’t know why Yuan and Lili were afraid to tell him about this, and there is no way he wants to do that to his sister. Lili is dissociating a little bit, staring off into a middle ground, before she hands her head again. We see how tense Qian is in that moment, his back is ramrod straight, his hands are curled in to light fists, blinking a ton as he takes in a breath, Yuan in the background looks between his brother and his sister, holding his breath because he doesn’t know what is going to happen, and standing in such a way that he would actually be able to grab Qian before he could notice if needed.

And then he shakes his head, quieting all the parts of himself that want to be angry about this and his lips turn up in a tearful smile as he reaches out to pull his sister in to a hug. Yuan collapses against the wall with a huge sigh of relief. Over Lili’s shoulder we see Qian bite his lip like he’s trying not to cry as he slides a hand upward to cup Lili’s head, patting her. Lili closes her eyes in to the hug, and Qian doesn’t let go. Instead he deepens the hug by resting his head on her shoulder. And when he does let go he looks at her almost immediately and rubs her arms briefly trying to comfort her. Lili is already looking at him before he’s fully pulled back from the hug.

“Xiao Bao,” he begins and oh my god y’all Tammy is able to make the smallest little sound in the back of her throat as Lili’s response. That shit killed me, cause Lili knows she’s safe with her brothers there, but she’s still trying not to cry about the pregnancy news or about the gentle way that Qian is treating her here. “Let me ask you something. Are you ready for this?” his forehead knits together as he asks the question “huh?”

Lili feels so small the way that she nods her head and gives another little sound in agreement, she’s stopped looking at Qian again, casting her eyes downward.

“Have you thought this through?”

“Mm.” she confirms again, still not saying anything.

“Didn’t you want to be a model? What are you going to do about it if you have a baby?” and while Qian has been able to have a very successful career, it is the beginning of a reminder of Qian’s positionality in this story, Qian has given up a lot in or to care for his baby sister.

Lili does not give him an answer.

“Having a baby is not easy. It’s a lifetime commitment.” and this is where my heart started to twist, because this is Qian speaking from experience, as a child who took on too much responsibility far too early in his life. Qian for all intents and purposes was a teen parent, who had not parents to help him ease the burden of raising his little sister much less when he adopted Yuan and gave himself another mouth to feed. Lili is only 23, she is so young, she has her whole life ahead of her and here she is pregnant and willing to put aside her dreams in order to have and raise this baby.

Like Qian was.

“You have to think it through.”

Tammy makes these little jaw movements when Lili nods again, confirms with another little “mm.” that she knows this, that she has and is thinking it through.

Yuan sighs again, he’s just been watching the back of Qian’s head and sighing in relief when he knows that they are through a part of the conversation where Qian might have been set off.

Qian looks down, closes his eyes for a second, this is the book end to his question of his sister. He needs to take just a second to collect himself a little more and transition in to the other important questions.

“What about San Pang? Is he going to take responsibility?”

“Yes,” Lili finally speaks, her voice thick with tears. For me, it is important that she actually speaks here, because everyone in that hallway knows what Qian’s initial reaction to finding out that San Pang was fucking his sister was, so Lili needs to make it absolutely clear to Qian that San Pang is taking responsibility.

Qian moves his jaw a little bit in a way that feel accepting of that answer, which is coupled with a tiny head nod from Qian as well.

“Will he marry you?”

“Yes.” Lili says even closer to the brink of tears.

I love this little moment, because both Qian and Yuan have a very similar response to this answer, they are out of sync with it, but they both nod in almost the same way. Because it is important to remind the audience that these are Lili’s brothers (Qian and Yuan), not Lili’s dad (Qian) and Lili’s brother (Yuan).

Qian’s jaw moves around a lot after this answer, because he is taking in a shaky breath. He’s about to cry and you can hear it in the way he asks “Will he take care of you for life?”

“Yes.”

Qian takes in the world’s biggest and most important breath and finally stops looking at his sister, Lili has given him every single answer he has needed to hear in order to make himself be okay with the fact that she is pregnant.

This is such an interesting scene for me because I think it perfectly encapsulates Qian’s role in the family. The way they set this scene up positions Qian as the parent learning that their child is pregnant from how Qian enters the home, to the questions that he asks Lili, to the warnings that he gives her about how difficult it is to raise a child. But the brotherliness of things is there as well, we are reminded he’s Lili’s brother when she says he’ll be an uncle, Lili’s little vocal inflections, the way Lili nods her head, the way she engages with Qian’s hug all make her feel small to me. A reminder that this is Qian’s little sister.

And that distinction is cemented in the next part of this scene.

“Ge.” Lili says, and Qian turns back to look at her, so that she knows he is fully and wholly engaged in this conversation with her. “Promise me. Promise me you won’t be mad at San Pang.”

Qian swallows hard. Qian and Yuan take in a sharp breath at exactly the same time when she says it. He casts his eyes down, breathes out, swallows hard again, and then looks back up at his sister.

“Alright. I promise.”

Yuan’s entire body relaxes, that boy has been on alert this entire conversation, and it is only when Qian promises Lili that he won’t be mad that Yuan is finally able to breathe normally again. Placing a hand on Qian’s shoulder and giving it a supportive and grateful squeeze.

AND THEN MY FAVORITE PART HAPPENS

“You…you promised.” San Pang says exiting Qian’s fucking room. The disrespect. True best friend behavior.

What I love about this moment from Chris’ perspective is the face that he makes at the end of his promise to Lili is exactly the same as the face he is making when San Pang makes his presence known. But there is something that shifts somewhere in the way that he stares, in the setting of his jaw where the rage is so so visible on him.

“You won’t be mad at me.” A sharp intake of breath from Qian to that line, and then he hands Lili her sonogram photo, at which point San Pang should really have started running because absolutely nothing good could come of WEI QIAN having both his hands free. San Pang tries to stay in the support camp with the rest of them, patting Qian on the back in almost exactly the same place as where Yuan is holding his shoulder and smiling like a doofus. “You’re going to be an uncle.”

Man read the room, your bestie has taken his sister’s hands gently in his own and has started to move them up to her ears. RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Qian sets his jaw and before anyone has a chance to react he turns and lunges for San Pang’s throat with his bare hands. As I said, this show has (mostly) been successful at managing the balance between comedy and drama, and it is really nice to have a little moment of reprieve from the emotionally intense conversation between Qian and Lili with a little attempted murder in a moment that must have been very very fun for the actors to film.

Yuan wrangles Qian downstairs and calms him down and eventually Lili and San Pang make their way downstairs as well, with Lili coming to kneel at Qian’s feet. I am not culturally competent enough to talk about the significance of the kneeling, so I won’t. But I will talk about the conversation that Qian and Lili have.

“You raised me.” Lili says, still kneeling, still not making eye contact with Qian despite the fact that his eyes are trained on her. She worries her lip for a split second, looks him in the eye, and continues “Normally, you are my big brother.”

The camera cuts to Qian’s face “You’re like a father when you provide for this family. You’re like a mother when you nag.”

Qian is the one to break eye contact this time, sucking in a breath, and looking around aimlessly for a second as the power and weight of Lili’s words hit him. Qian looks back to his sister and smiles softly, “Get up and talk, OK?” he raises his eyebrows in a question “Hmm?” And he is so soft with her, this scene nearly brought me to tears because this is the first time Qian is hearing someone say this to his face.

Yuan has spent so much of his time in his relationship with Qian acknowledging that Qian has been taking care of Lili and him, but is always following that up with a plea for Qian to understand that he doesn’t have to do that anymore. But Lili isn’t trying to change the nature of her relationship to Qian, and we as an audience already saw her acknowledging everything that Qian has done, all that he has suffered, but she said those things about Qian and not to Qian. So this is the first time that Qian is hearing how his sister regards him in the context of her upbringing.

“Your hair is all messed up from kneeling,” Qian says, and tries to flatten the stray hairs of her bangs in such a tender act of love and care and gentleness. Qian is capable of not being mad, but he just needs some processing time. San Pang showing up immediately was not their smartest move because it didn’t give Qian time to process. But Qian has vented his frustrations now and he is capable of being calm and caring.

(^this little hair fixing moment is my favorite of the entire episode by the way.)

This is a story about Qian and Yuan, and as such we rarely get to see interactions between Qian and Lili. I am glad a moment like this exists because I do think it is important to establish that Qian has always and will always care for Lili in the biggest and the smallest of ways.

“Xiao Bao, I’m not against you.” He takes a long pause, his breath goes shaky. “It hurts me to think about it,” his nostrils flare “and I can’t bear to see you go through that. You’re too young. You’re only 23.” Such a heartbreaking line when you think about how Qian was roughly ten years younger than that when he started caring for Lili by himself. Qian’s voice starts to break. “You still have a lot to do, dreams to follow, and places you want to go. Don’t you?” Qian asks, and throughout that entire sentence, Lili is nodding softly, once again refusing eye contact.

She nods again, a confirmation that she does have things she wants to do, aspirations she wants to follow, places she wants to go.

“That’s why I’m afraid.” Another pause “I’m afraid you’ll end up like our mother.”

Let’s stop here for a second to acknowledge that Qian is using his words, using them well, and actually being vulnerable with his sister here. I appreciate this parallel to the alleyway scene in Episode 11 where Qian admits to Yuan that he is worried about turning into his mother. “Getting pregnant, then getting married, and leading an unhappy life.”

Camera cuts to a close up of Lili’s face, as she takes in a big breath and swallows hard. “Ge,” she looks Qian in the eye now “because of you, I’ve always been well-protected.” She beckons San Pang over. “But because of San Pang, I’ve learned that in this world, there are people who are willing to wholeheartedly care for you besides family.” cut to Zhiyuan “Just like Zhiyuan does for you.”

I don’t want to break down the body language of that part of the scene because that isn’t where my focus was. My focus was on Lili’s lines. In the acknowledgement that Qian has done so much for her, at the acknowledgement that Qian has protected her. While I have my qualms about the pregnancy plotline, especially because it is not in the original novel. I do have to say that I think it serves as this beautiful point of symbolism.

Because Qian took on so much burden to keep his sister, his family safe, Lili is not afraid of being a parent. Because she had a really good example in front of her for her entire life. It hasn’t been perfect, but Qian has played the role of father, mother, and brother to Lili and to Yuan for a significant portion of their lives. Qian may be afraid of Lili turning in to their mother, but that is because he is not able to see the forest through the trees, he is not able to see that there is nothing to worry about because Lili had strong role models, incredible support, lots of love.

Lili is ready to be a parent because of Qian. Qian broke the cycle of violence that they were born in to and as such this baby will be born with so so so much love and support in their life. And that is just so touching to me. The idea that after all this time, after over a decade of Qian holding the world on his shoulders, after over a decade of the pain, the debt, the fuckload of work, Qian has succeeded in protecting his sister from the horrors of the world, and broken the cycle of trauma for the next generation.

And I really hope that Qian knows that.

#unknown #unknown the series #unknown the series analysis #unknown series #unknown the series meta #unknown the series ep 12

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velvetm00light · 11 months

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Loved

gif: pinterest dividers: @benkeibear, @mariariley, @haerinism

Chapter Four of Save Me

Previous Chapters: one, two, three (y/n), three (spencer)

Word Count: 2.4k

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: You've awoken in the hospital after experiencing hellish torture at the hands of your foster brother turned stalker. Your coworker, Spencer, worked tirelessly to save you. He's stayed beside your hospital bed since he found you. He decides to take off some time from work to help you get back on your feet and work through the trauma with you, and give you his undivided attention.

Warnings: Hospital, trauma, grief, one bed. Previous and future parts mention guns, torture, kidnapping, dead parents, suggestions of sexual assault, knives and cutting torture, sense deprivation (sight), emotional manipulation, fear, grief, PinV, oral, domxsub situations, grief, bondage, physical harm, etc.

A/N: My heart is so warm at all the comments, reblogs, and messages! I'm so happy you all are loving this series. It really makes me want to keep writing! I will probably start posting small one shots while also writing this series just to take a break when I'm not sure what to do in the next chapter. I plan on (hopefully) making this a long series since it's so loved already so the stress isn't over yet. ;) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me. ♡

THE LIGHTS WERE BLINDING as your eyes fluttered open. Machines beep annoyingly all around you. As you adjust to your surroundings, the memories of the past few days come crashing into you, threatening to drown you. Your entire mind, body, and soul feels drained and worn.

Your eyes slowly gaze around the room, starting with your bruised and patched up body, luckily mostly covered by the hospital gown you've been dressed in. You shift your gaze to the baskets, cards, and balloons lined around your room, presumably from your team. A smile tugs at your lips as you can see their love in object form. Your eyes reach the other side of the room and you spot a sleeping body curled up in a love seat to the right of your bed.

As if he can sense you've awoken, his eyes snap open and are instantly on you, inspecting every inch of your body, then your face. You can see him release a heavy sigh of relief. You admit, he looks like hell but you know you look the exact same.

He gives you a small smile as he scoots his chair closer to the side of your bed and takes your hand in his. You try to return the smile, but it falls flat on your tired face.

"How long have you been here?" You manage to croak out. Your throat feels raw from the pleading and yelling you'd done the past few days.

"The whole time," he replies. You're not sure why it shocks you, but it feels almost too good to be true. None of your team is to be seen, but by the looks of your room, you would bet every single one of them have already come to check on you and you're sure Spencer's phone isn't lacking in text messages and phone calls. You begin to wonder if he asked to stay while the rest of the team carried on their due diligence to the world and are chasing after bad guys while you lay helplessly in the hospital.

"Thank you," is all you can say and you still feel like it's just not enough. Nothing will probably thank him enough for his care and the efforts and energy he expended to save your life. You're sure this is probably the first time he's slept in days.

"I'd do anything for you, (y/n)," he said it so matter-of-factly it took you by surprise. Your heart swells hearing him say these sweet things to you, the kind of things you allowed yourself to fantasize about. "You don't have to talk about it."

"Is he dead?" You whisper, unsure of which response you're hoping for.

"Yes."

By the look that overtakes his face, you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know he was most likely the one who did it. You're unsure if you really want to know if you're right or not. "Good."

"I'm sorry," Spencer murmurs, barely loud enough for you to hear. Your eyes knit together, confusion evident on your face.

"Why? You saved me."

"You only got abducted because I'm the fool who told you it was safe to sleep."

"None of this is your fault, don't apologize to me."

His eyes widen in astonishment at your tone. "Don't get used to bossing me around," he smiles.

You heart dances at his comment and at the smile you guarantee hasn't been on his face in days. It's still not as wide and goofy as normal, but you'll take what you can get for now. As long as he's still able to put somewhat of a smile on his face, that's all that matters to you. It feels odd to put one on your own considering just hours ago you were chained to the ceiling of a barn and had a metal mask around your face like some kind of caged animal.

As if he senses your quick change in mood, his smile falls. "I really am sorry though, that you're going through this, and for what you went through." He squeezes the hand that he's refused to let go off since you awoke. You give him a small squeeze back as your reply.

His eyes fall to your body again, studying the different cuts and bruises peppering your skin. His gaze could set the entire world aflame as the rage threatens to consume him. He tears his eyes away from your wounds and looks away from you for a moment in an attempt to control the fire coursing through his blood. He knows he should be grateful that the guy who did this is already dead, but God, he just really wishes he could do it over and over again in more painful ways for good measure.

"I took a month of leave." He tells you, his gaze finally falling back on your face.

"What? Why?" You ask, a bit stunned that he would even take a day off let alone a whole month. You suppose you really underestimated how hard this could've been on him.

"Your injuries are..extensive, and that's being generous. I figured it might help to have someone who can do things for you." You notice the blush run up his neck and into his cheeks, as if he's nervous you'll tell him no.

"That's sweet of you, Spence, but you don't need to do that. I'll be okay." He looks at you with an expression on his face that basically says, liar, and you know he's right. Reality is, you'd love absolutely nothing more than getting his undivided attention, for him to cook you food, and take care of you for an entire month.

"Tough shit." A real smile spreads across your face this time. You're pretty sure this is the first time you've ever heard him curse and you almost ask him to do it again, but you realize that's probably inappropriate for the current situation you're in.

"I'm not even going to argue with you because I know I'm not going to win."

"Good girl," he smirks. Your skin turns hot as you push down the bubbling desire building inside you, you're in the hospital after all. But you can't help but start to realize that being in his presence makes you feel...normal. Like nothing ever happened and you're having a conversation on any normal day. It feels refreshing.

Keys jingle in Spencer's hand as he unlocks the door to his apartment. While in the hospital, you confided in him about the fact that you didn't think you could handle being in your apartment or even seeing the state of it right now. You'll have to see it eventually because as much as you would love to just stay with Spencer for a while, you couldn't bare to put that onto him, he's already allowing you to stay for a month, that should be long enough.

"Thank you for letting me stay, seriously. You didn't have to do all this for me."

"Did you think I was just going to let you suffer alone, in your own apartment where everything happened?" You know it's a rhetorical question, but he looks serious, and almost offended that you could possibly think such a thing of him. To be fair, you weren't aware of the feelings he had been keeping hidden from you.

"I mean, I guess I just didn't expect anything, you know? Yeah, I went through something traumatizing but so has everyone on this team. I'm not going to let it control me, well, I'm gonna try not to."

"There's nothing else I'd rather be doing. You're the most important thing to me. I plan on being here for you through it all."

You realize you're speechless, you've never had someone who put you as a top priority before. You've only been able to count on yourself to survive, it honestly feels strange to put your survival instincts in a cage and let someone else to the work. You're unable to stop yourself from getting tearful. He slowly reaches towards your face and wipes a stray tear from your cheek with his thumb.

You fight the urge to flinch, reminding yourself that the man in front of you is probably the last one on this entire Earth who would hurt you. "You're so strong, you know that?" He coos.

"I'm just glad that this is a burden I have to deal with, and not one of you," you state, and it's the truth. You wouldn't even begin to know how to comfort someone if the roles were reversed, and you wouldn't wish what you went through on any of your coworkers, or really anyone for that matter.

"You're not going to share this burden alone."

Before you can think of a response, Spencer leaves you to settle yourself in the living room while he grabs you some of his clothes to change into. You're currently in random garments of clothing, donated to you by your team. The clothing you had arrived to the hospital in were basically scissored to shreds, and you wouldn't be caught dead leaving the hospital in a hospital gown, what if your ass accidentally showed through the robe?

He swiftly comes back and you can't help but giggle when you examine the clothes he chose for you. "Spence, these clothes look good on you. I'm literally about to look like a little boy who probably lives in the basement of a library."

"Are you telling me I look like a little boy who lives in the basement of a library?" He asks as he attempts to keep a stern look on his face but you notice the smile tugging on the sides of his lips.

"What if I was?" You ask with a lift of the eyebrow.

Spencer's mouth opens, then closes quickly. You feel like he was most likely going to make some kind of flirtatious comment but probably thought better of it. While the sentiment is sweet, you begin to feel a bit annoyed. You're the last person to want people walking on eggshells around you in fear they're gonna set you off.

"Spence, can you promise me something?"

"Anything," he says quickly, sitting down next to you on the couch.

"Please don't walk on eggshells around me. Say exactly what you want to say, don't sugar coat or avoid saying certain things just because you're afraid to upset me. I'm a big girl."

"I-Okay. I just don't want to bring up any memories."

"I know, and that's extremely kind of you. I just know I would hate feeling like you can't be honest with me."

"Okay, I promise."

"Thank you."

He places a soft kiss on your temple, "Anything for you."

"Thank you for the clothes, just don't laugh at me."

You rise from your seat on the brown leather couch slightly right of the middle of his apartment's living room, and head into his room to your right. You gently shut the bedroom door and quickly change into the beige wool sweater and black shorts he gave you. You fight an internal battle with yourself, fighting against the urge to look around his room. To be fair, you'll have an entire month to learn probably everything about him, anyway.

You turn the cold brass knob of his bedroom door and crack it. "Remember, no laughing," you command, only sticking your head out.

"I won't, come on. We've got take out to eat and movies to watch."

You unhurriedly open the bedroom door further, revealing that you in fact do kind of look like you belong in the library. Spencer takes his bottom lip in between his teeth, his facial muscles giving away the fact that he actually wants to laugh.

"You look adorable," he giggles as you retake your seat next to him. You side eye him and begin to dig into your food. "Your choice of movie."

You think for a moment as you savior the extremely salty and very bad for you take out. "The Proposal."

"Is it just because you want to look at Ryan Reynolds?"

"Can you blame me?"

"No, I can't."

He follows through on your wish, and digs into his own meal as The Proposal starts to play. It was the first movie that came into your head, but it's makes the little girl in you feral at the fact that you're literally watching a romcom, eating take-out, and wearing Spencer's clothes, with Spencer. Shit, he literally could've put on the Conjuring for all you cared and your whole body would still tingle at the fact that you guys basically look like a married couple right now.

You're awoken by Spencer laying you softly into his bed, putting you under the covers. "You didn't even make it halfway," he smiles at you as he stands back up. "Goodnight, (y/n)."

He begins to head towards the door when you ask, "Where are you going?"

"To the couch."

"Why?"

"Uh, do you not want me to?"

"I think I'd feel safer if you..you know..slept in here with me."

"Okay."

Well that was easy, you thought. He climbs into bed beside you, and your breath catches at the sudden proximity. Sure, it's probably the same distance away you were from him on the couch but it seems so much closer when you're laying in bed together.

You lay in silence for a moment, his eyes roaming around your face before settling back onto your eyes. He opens his arms and whispers, "Come here."

You happily do as commanded and as soon as you get within reach, he greedily closes his arms around you, pulling you in as tight as he can. You rest your head on his chest and take a deep breath as his almond and lavender scent fills your lungs.

His hand rubs lazily up and down your spine, causing you to relax even further into his embrace. For once in your life you feel truly, utterly safe.

"I love you too, by the way." He whispers as he plants a kiss on the top of your head.

You snap your head up and stare at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. "What?"

"You heard me." He smirks, using a hand to pull your head back down into his chest.

"I, also, love you too." You whisper, not even bothering to fight the smile that appears on your face.

TAG LIST: @qatiee @dottirose @thisaintredwine @jay-2s-world @ruziazyn @translatemunson @sky2nd

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marvel-snape-writes · 2 months

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Hear me out, I have an idea… 🫣

To write about a sleazy, emotionally constipated, older man having an affair is one of my favourite things to write about ever. Naturally, for that reason, Alan’s character, Harry, in Love Actually has always been my favourite character in the film. As I mentioned in a previous post, every now and again I get the STRONGEST urge to write some smutty drabble about Harry finally giving in and being unfaithful to his wife — (which I would like to reinstate I know as a collective that we all hate the fact that he breaks Emma Thompson’s heart, I just like writing sleazy smut😬🤣). I never expected anyone to even be interested in reading such a niche fanfic storyline, so I was pleasantly surprised to find out that some people would! Because of this, I have decided to create something that will consist of several one-shots that will all be under the main title name of ‘Bad Harry’, just like he signs his Christmas present… to his wife. 🫣 Each one-shot will just be a different take on how he and another original female character go about their little affair and the close calls they may have in the midst of it all – and will be under the picture above and hashtag of ‘Bad Harry’. It is set after Mia, so she may be mentioned in passing, but the name I have decided to give the original female character is ‘Arabella’. Each ‘chapter’ so to speak won’t necessarily follow on from one another, but the first one I publish will be the beginning of their affair. Like the film, it’s going to be set around Christmas, so I may not post this until later in the year… although, I’m currently a fair way into writing the first one-shot and it is getting rather hot 😮‍💨 I guess what I’m trying to gauge is whether anyone would be interested in reading this little ongoing thing? 👀

If anyone’s interested, I can also post a snippet of what I’ve written so far for ‘the beginning’ of their affair, or I can keep it a complete surprise…

If you would like to be tagged in each published one-shot, please let me know! Please also feel free to let your wildest Harry/Alan fantasies come to life and send me any requests for any situations you’d like me to write about between the two of them - make it as smutty, sneaky, reckless, or daring as you like! 🫶

Here’s a little reminder of the sleazy boss in action 🤭 thank you to whoever created these gifs, let me know if they’re yours! 😁♥️

(Also, please don’t think I won’t be continuing with my Snape one-shots and requests, they are still very much being written and open as the number one priority!)

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eddiediaaz · 1 year

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Hi! I was wondering if you had any tips on how to color the flashbacks in the begins episodes, because they have that weird green tint that's so hard to get rid of? Would really appreciate any advice you had! Love all your gifs :)

hellooo! that is really nice of you to say, thank you <3

yeah flashback scenes in 911 can be tricky to color. i don't know why they made the el paso flashbacks look so drab, or the hershey flashbacks so glowy and green lol. anyway, i have two flashback examples on how to go from this:

to this

steps under the cut (:

CURVES

the first thing i always do is usually use a curves layer to white balance the colors automatically. it can be quite handy, but it's usually not enough. it can be a great place to start though. on the top right you can click the 3 lines menu and choose "auto options..."

then you can play around with the different settings in the algorithms section, and the snap neutral midtones. there's usually one that's better, so i just toggle between them and choose which one looks best.

if the auto settings don't work well for your shot, you can always do this manually with the black and white droppers with a curves or levels layer. becca/@yenvengerberg did a great tutorial on it here (in the step one: curves section)

both gifs with curves auto color correction:

as you can see it brings the colors in a more neutral zone and less saturated, but the coloring still needs more editing.

COLOR BALANCE

i used a color balance layer to bring back some warmth into the eddie gif. i started by giving it a bit of red in the shadows, then with midtones and highlights, i simply played with the sliders until i got something i liked (knowing i'll grade the colors more specifically later).

CHANNEL MIXER

for the maddie & buck gif, i wanted to reduce the yellow/green tint. i needed to add some blue to counter the yellow and channel mixer worked better than color balance for this one. this channel mixer tutorial by kate/@aubrey-plaza goes into so much depth, much better than i ever could, but here's how i did it:

SELECTIVE COLOR

my favorite and most used layer! i use it all the time. for the eddie gif, i wanted to make it warmer and less drab. i always start with deepening the blacks, then i want to make sure the skintones are good with the reds and yellows.

then the rest is mostly small adjustments to my liking, especially with cyans, blues, neutrals. this particular gif doesn't have a lot of blue tones so it doesn't change a lot tho haha

selective color results for eddie:

then for the maddie & buck gif, i went pretty much in the same order: blacks, skintones (reds and yellows)

then blues, cyans, neutrals:

maddie & buck selective color results:

FINAL TOUCHES

now that the gifs are color graded, what's left is to add final touches, aka more vibrance, contrast, exposure, etc etc.

for the eddie gif i added these layers

here's the layer order and final result:

for the maddie & buck gif, these are the layers i added:

and the layers order and final result for that one:

that's it, i hope that helps a little!

there's also this great tutorial by ace/@ajusnice on how to color yellow tinted shots, it's a great reference.

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whateverisbeautiful · 30 days

Text

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#36: The Ressurection (1.04)

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Wow. 😭 This love scene was stunning and profound. A true resurrection of Richonne. 🙌🏽🥹

This scene also illustrated one of my absolute favorite things communicated in TOWL: that without Michonne, Rick can��t be alive but even more so - with Michonne, Rick can’t be dead.

Try as he may to fight being alive, if Rick is with Michonne he will always come back to life through her. And I love seeing that depicted in this moment where both of them powerfully and passionately begin to restore each other...

So the buildup scene prior to this was Richonne's sexiest scene yet. And then I love how as we transition to this bedroom scene they maintain that mesmerizing sensualness of course, but they also dive into some serious emotion, pain, and powerful love between these two soulmates when the unexpected happens during this long-awaited and blazing moment of intimacy.

Now, before the episode aired there were enough people with screeners using cowgirl hat/boots gifs and emojis as hints to give an idea of what to expect for this bedroom scene...but I still wasn’t ready lol.

They transition to the bedroom and I love that Richonne’s first time or first time again gets to be in such a nice romantic setting. It’s such a sensual environment with sheer curtains and the perfect warm lighting. And considering the grandness of Rick and Michonne finally getting to have each other in this way it’s only right that the environment feels elevated as well. 👌🏽

gif cred: @nerd4music

Once the camera slides pass the sheer curtains we see Rick and Michonne beautifully getting to have this moment of intimacy after years. And I love the way the breathing is the soundtrack for this love scene. Like there’s this pretty music too but the breathing is the real music here if you ask me. 😌

gif cred: @msanonships

I love that when we enter into the scene they’re all into it and as close as humanly possible but still pulling each other even closer. And then there's a tighter shot with Rick looking down and looking like he’s taking a moment to appreciate that his wife is so good at...literally everything in life.😋

gif cred: @nat111love

It’s interesting that the first time Michonne gets to see Rick outside of the CRM soldier uniform is when he literally has to take it off and be bare with her. He put the uniform on for her all those years ago, and now he's finally removed it for her as well.

And y’all, the Richonne fandom is educational because I learned a new word through the thoughts shared on this iconic scene. I saw someone mention how Rick looks up in supplication for Michonne’s kiss, and I hadn’t heard the word 'supplication' before. But once I searched the definition, it was the perfect word to describe this moment when Rick looks up at Michonne. 👌🏽And you know Michonne’s our little genie so she told Rick 'wish granted.' 😋

gif cred: @kimwexlersponytail

Also y’all, I know we say 'they’re wild for this' a lot regarding Richonne...but this whole licking moment between them and then the way he’s literally dripping off her lip after, and the way they subtly stick out their tongues once more like they were about to do it again…never have I meant it more when I say THEY ARE WILD FOR THIS.

There aren’t enough air conditioners in the world to cool down the hotness of this whole kiss. 🔥🔥🔥

gif cred: @lousolversons

I’ve heard that they debated whether or not they’d have an intimacy coordinator and then they decided on having one. And I cannot claim to know exactly everything that job entails and I'm sure she was great, but for some reason, I have a very strong feeling in a post-2020 world it was not an intimacy coordinator who suggested all that tongue stuff lol. 🤭

No, my bet would be that this particular moment stemmed from two gifted actors who know their characters very well, including knowing their character's shared level of freak, and as true professionals devoted to the role they let the spirit of the characters coordinate this kiss.👌🏽 I mean, we trust the captains for a reason.🫡 😋 They know how to play every shade of Richonne to perfection.

gif cred: @lousolversons

I'm glad that this moment right here didn’t end up on the cutting room floor. Since Danai was the showrunner of this stellar episode I know she mentioned she also got to have some involvement in the editing process. And every time I see this kiss I just imagine her in the editing room saying 'let's keep this part in the scene' and then looking right at us Richonne fans like...

They were filming this scene like they had something to prove about Richonne’s physical chemistry and baby, while it didn’t need to be proved they still proved it all the way. 💯❤️‍🔥

In TWD, they only ever showed Richonne's lead-up to sex or the after moments, but now that they were going to show the 'during' they said let the world know Rick and Michonne really get down. #LethalAmountsofChemistry

And what I especially love is that you can just sense their bodies remembering each other after years apart. After shutting this part of themselves off when they lost each other and only turning this part of themselves on for each other, it's made so clear that their mind, body, and soul connection is still as strong as ever.

It really is special how much Richonne's physical intimacy is a powerful manifestation of how intimately they love each other in every other way too.

gif cred: @nat111love

So they keep kissing and the camera switches angles as things appear like they are ramping up which you can hear in Rick’s breathing and moaning. But then as he’s touching her and about to get even more immersed in the moment the scene takes a compelling and heartrending turn...

Rick has a panic attack. 🥺

There is so much to dissect about this impactful panic attack moment. It’s just so well executed, painful, powerful, and vulnerable. 👏🏽

gif cred: @nat111love

First; I was very curious to examine why they have this panic attack occur right when it does. Because Rick and Michonne were pretty into it leading up to this so why this exact moment?

My extra self's personal interpretation is that as they were getting more into it, it looked like Rick was about to let loose a lot more and even be more of the assertive person he used to be like getting on top of her, and I feel like that assertiveness rushing back to him like that was jarring a bit.

gif cred: @nat111love

Plus, he can feel her, and they're heating up and I feel like he’s become so used to moments this good quickly coming to an end in his dreams so it’s like he’s bracing for that. Bracing for the part where this dreamlike state burns away and the woman of his dreams disappears, leaving him alone and in pain. 😢

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Also with the whole poison vs. cure thing, I think it’s like Rick's mind starts freaking out because while here he and Michonne are clearly providing each other pleasure, he’s anxious that ultimately being together will cause him to be a poison to her.

He still is convinced Michonne will be in danger if he’s with her and having this passionate moment together will only make it harder to part when that’s how he thinks it has to be. So this moment of intimacy is both this euphoric thing and this panic-inducing thing for him.

At the start of the panic attack, Rick pulls away and starts struggling to catch his breath and I’ve always loved the detail of how when he first pulls away he still puts his hand up to reach to her, almost like he's both needing her and wanting to be reassuring to her even despite the fact that he’s in full panic mode. 🥲

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Rick has a quick glance at Michonne and then hangs his head down, out of sorts. And even just seeing the scars on him in this moment makes me so sad. 🥺 He’s been through a lot and for years he’s endured it all alone. This bedroom moment is one of the first times in a long time that he even gets to go through this internal anguish with a partner by his side.

gif cred: @nat111love

And again, the fact that this panicked breathing is similar to the anxious breathing he had when Michonne walked out the door earlier in the episode, goes to show he’s scared to be without her and to be with her.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Rick is struggling to look at her but Michonne gently takes his face in her hands and he looks at her as she assesses the situation, quickly knowing he’s having a panic attack. It makes me weepy how ready Michonne is to ever-so-gently help him through this. 😭

Also, y’all I’m in the camp of people who hear Michonne whisper “Look at me, baby.” If she didn’t say it…yes she did lol. 😋 And I love it. 😍

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Rick continues his labored breathing and Michonne does just the most beautiful thing ever when she takes his one hand and places it over her heart.

I love this more than words can explain - and yet, I’m still going to try to explain why I love it. 🥹😭🥹

Like the fact that her heartbeat is what can calm him in this moment. I'll never be over it. 😭 Something so incredibly beautiful about Michonne’s heartbeat bringing Rick back to life is that he’s feeling the heart that beats for him and has for years. She in every sense gave him her heart all those years ago, so it’s not just her heart he’s feeling it’s his own because they truly are one.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Richonne’s hands have always been given great moments throughout their epic love story, and this moment has to be up there as one of the best Richonne hands moments. 👏🏽

I love the way she’s able to get him to open his hand and relax as she keeps her hand comfortingly over his.

gif cred: @nat111love

It reminds me of their final handhold in s9 when Rick had his hand in a fist from frustration and Michonne was able to open his hand and have him hold onto her instead. That was their last real moment side by side in TWD and now here they are doing that again x10 in TOWL. Just beautiful. 🥹

And I love how you can hear how placing his hand on her heart is effective as Rick’s breathing does steady from feeling her heart. A heart that has beat for him all these years. 🥲 Never have the two felt more like one than in this moment. And I will forever adore and appreciate that this is how Danai wrote for Michonne to be able to calm Rick amid his trauma. He needs her heart. 😭 Always has.

They’re the ones who live and this is Rick becoming so aware of Michonne being alive and with him and it starts to ignite his own return to humanity.

The way Michonne looks at him with her eyes dilated and filled with love and tears as she so clearly resonates with the pain Rick is in that he has yet to express. 😭 You can tell she so badly wants him to trust that it’s okay to be present in everything he’s feeling with her and not go through this pain alone anymore.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

The way Michonne fully wraps Rick in her love during this panic attack is just the most moving thing as she silently assures him he’s in the safest most loving arms in the world. Like I knew those actors were wildly talented but what they both captured in this scene took it to an all new level.

And the way Rick has tears under his eyes. I can’t. 😭 The tear alone says so much. Like he's overcome with so many layered emotions, especially as it hits him that a moment this beautiful with Michonne is real - the most real moment of connection he's felt in years - and it's not going to be taken away from him this time.

So Rick looks up at Michonne for a moment and it genuinely feels like he’s looking up at the sun. And then he looks down at their hands on her heart. I love seeing Michonne softly slide her other hand down his face with her finger right where his tear has fallen.

gif cred: @clonecaptains

And then I am just blown away at Andy’s performance when you see something click for Rick as he truly just resurrects through Michonne’s love. 🥹

After looking at their hands and letting this moment of connection resonate, Rick looks back into Michonne’s eyes and I always liken it to when a PC computer turns on and makes that one sound. I feel like you can visibly see the moment Rick’s humanity turns back on in full force as he looks at her.

Rick really resurrected back to life by becoming one with Michonne, his undeniable other half. 🥹 Richonne is the unequivocal greatest depiction of soulmates. 💯

gif cred: @nat111love

So Rick, and Michonnne's Rick this time, looks in Michonne's eyes like he’s genuinely become human again after years and then he tilts his head and it feels like he’s finally seeing Michonne in her entirety now. Like he’s finally seeing her without the lens of fear or what could happen next.

After having been so focused on the fear of losing her, it feels like in this moment he's finally just being present in the fact that he found her.

gif cred: @nat111love

And in finding Michonne, his soulmate, Rick begins to find himself again too.

Michonne's effective approach of calming Rick with her touch and her heart helps Rick embrace that this isn’t a dream and she’s not going to burn away. Michonne may be burning up because of him but she’s not going to vanish.

By feeling her heartbeat it was like Rick finally let it sink in that she’s still here and she’s with him completely. She’s real. They’re real. They’re back together truly. It was a profound moment of the two becoming one being again.

And then the way they both have these dilated pupils and get this new wave of energy from that moment and their breathing starts syncing up and picking up as they return to kissing. Their beauty and the beauty of this moment are ravishing. I love that neither wanted to stop making love and once they have this moment they’re even more present in the lovemaking than before.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

It really feels like there’s this transfer of energy between Rick and Michonne in this moment as she feels his visceral but suppressed pain and he feels her visceral deep love and we see love win out over the pain as Michonne helps Rick literally turn his humanity back on at full strength.

And then as Rick’s heart is literally jump-started again by feeling the love of his life’s heartbeat, he sends all that love right back to her because it’s so clear in this scene that everything happening to him is happening to her too. Like as he comes back to life it ignites her in a new way as well and just affirms so strongly to both of them that they’re back to being one the way they’re always meant to be.

So they continue kissing and Michonne has her hand tightly in his hair because of course. It's clear from Michonne’s noises that Rick has seemed to amp things up, we’ll say lol. Plus, Michonne hasn't been able to grab his curls like that in an even longer minute since Rick's hair was short the last time they were together, so you know she's happy to have that back as well. 😋

I love how Rick was finally realizing he’s not just someone who can harm her but who can heal her too and she’s not only someone to protect but to love limitlessly. We see Rick finally go from mission-minded to Michonne-minded and let the Alive Rick take the wheel from Dead Rick. 🙌🏽

gif cred: @lousolversons

In the last 24 hours especially, both Rick and Michonne have been through every emotion and at its most intense - intense fear, intense sadness, intense frustration, desperation, anger, longing, hopelessness, hurt, concern, etc, and now intense passion and pleasure. All of that could easily have caused a system overload or system shutdown for them. But I love how instead of just shutting down, they navigate this together and then get even more locked in with each other.

And then you really know the real Rick is back when he flips Michonne over and gets on top of her. It’s his favorite place to be, that's just canon. 😌 And you know Michonne loves seeing Rick take charge like this. Her man is always assertive with his affection and Michonne always seems here for it.

gif cred: @nat111love

It is such a sweet shot seeing Michonne looking up at Rick as she tenderly holds his neck. She loves him so much. It’s written all over her face. 🥹

gif cred: @nat111love

And then y’all, this show said you don’t have to wait until the Olympics to see some swimming on National Television. 🤭🏊‍♂️

Cuz they proceed to give us some um very up close and personal insight into Rick and that signature vein as the camera is all up in his face while he finally lets himself feel the full extent of pleasure for the first time in years.

For a while, whenever I saw this moment I was like can this camera back up a bit cuz now I feel like I'm intruding lol.

But the moment is very sweet in the regard that Rick is no longer fighting the fact that he can feel pleasure and be present in this moment with his wife. For so long he seemed to be punishing himself and killing himself and so it’s a big deal to see him finally stop that and enjoy this.

I think part of him thought he could engage in this intimacy with Michonne and only make it about pleasing her while remaining dead inside but again he can't be dead with her - and so in this moment he no longer tries to be, and that’s really heartwarming. 🥲

Seeing him smile knowing that this is the only woman in the world he wanted this experience with - it really is like a homecoming in a sense. Michonne’s hand on him the whole time is sweet too. And I just love that they waited for each other to open this side of themselves up to again. And to think, it wasn't even technically 'waiting' since they genuinely didn't know if they'd ever be together again. But they still only reserved this level of intimacy for each other. Rick and Michonne are it for each other, truly.

Then the scene ends with a really lovely sensual shot of Richonne through the sheer curtains as they kiss and just savor each other like they do best. ❤️

gif cred: @nat111love

And now I know I might be diving right into delusional territory with this next thing I say but I know some of you saw this too --- I am convinced that Michonne tells Rick 'I love you' in this zoomed-out shot. ‼️

For a while, I thought one of the only things we surprisingly didn’t get in TOWL was Michonne directly telling Rick 'I love you.' That was an interesting omission for an epic love story, especially cuz I def feel Michonne would say those three words outright at some point, after not being able to tell Rick those words for nearly eight years. Don’t get me wrong, she’s said I love you very clearly and meaningfully in many other ways, but still she’d say the direct words too. So it was odd when it seemed like that didn’t happen.

But now...y’all, my extra self is choosing to declare that it did happen. Because I promise she’s saying it to him in this bed. I'm telling you, she is. For real, she is! 😋 Look🔎 ⬇

gif cred: @nat111love

And again, if she isn’t…yes she is. 😇 Michonne-Says-ILY-In-This-Scene Truthers, rise. ✊🏽😋 And if by chance my eyes deceive me then let them lie just this once lol.

If it is the case that Michonne told Rick 'I love you' in this moment, it's extremely sweet. Especially because I had a feeling she’d say it once Rick was finally out of that CRM gear. Once she knew he was slowly but surely becoming him again. So while it's a non-audible, blink-and-you-miss-it moment I think we did get at least one Michonne 'ily' in TOWL. 😌

I love the way the scene ends with the piano and their silhouettes. Michonne is the sun to Rick so I love the way she aligns with the sun-like lamp and the way the last thing you see from the scene is her putting her hand in his curls again as they just continue to make love. And let me tell you, a scene like this is why it’s called 'making love' because truly this passionate moment was such a perfect manifestation of their deep, one-of-a-kind, soulmate love.

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

This is Richonne’s first full-length sex scene and it was done so masterfully, memorably, and meaningfully. It was the perfect way to pull off such a significant anticipated moment between them and make it tastefully titillating. It genuinely feels like they turned that chemistry they have up to its highest volume and something rare and otherworldly was captured. 👌🏽

The way it wasn’t just physical but truly pivotal for their relationship and the story. The way it was as hot as it was heartfelt. The way they both came alive and restored broken parts of each other through a shared heartbeat. The way they profoundly depicted Richonne becoming one again. The way it was more than a love scene it was a resurrection.

Rick felt human after years of feeling dead. Michonne felt truly held and loved after years of not feeling safe. Tens across the board and truly an impeccable and impactful scene from beginning to end. 😌👌🏽

#richonne #towl #reveling in richonne #1.04 #RIR (36)#the ones who live #twd towl #michonne grimes #rick grimes #rick x michonne #twol #michonne #rick and michonne #twd: the ones who live #twd #richonnefandom

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 9 months

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Rose Recaps 2023 - Japan

So, because I have a hard time making big lists and choosing favourites, this my version of a superlative post, by country.

The one that had me at the first frame

If It’s With You | Kimi to Nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo

As soon as Amane appeared on screen I was gone. This damaged but confident boy had my heart from the beginning. But it was Ryuji that ended up with a bigger piece by the end. The way he saw Amane’s mask from the beginning and just went – “you don’t need to do that with me”. And the way he considered Amane’s feelings even when he wasn’t sure what to do or how to respond, or how he was feeling about all of it, was just beautiful to witness and at certain points kinda reminded of Ida.

Favourite Moment: Amane confessing and running away. Because visually it's so striking. The way he's running from the light that is Ryuji.

The one that was perfect and I never saw coming.

I Cannot Reach You | Kimi ni wa Todokanai

I think that by now at least some people know how I feel about Japanese BL. I love it so much. And for me it’s always about the characters. Whether they are the embodiment of chaos, like Aoki or they are just incredible complex and empathic humans like Ida. - Yes, I’m using Kieta Hatsukoi every chance I get- I just love the way all these characters are written and portrait.

I loved these 2 boys in equal measure all throughout the show. I might have a soft spot for Yamato, but that’s only because pining boys are my weakness.

Yamato’s back and forth in his own head about what to do would be annoying to me in any other show, but it was so well done, and we were privy to his thought process throughout that it just made me feel for him deeply. And Kakeru learning about Yamato’s feelings right away in the first episode was a great choice, because he gave the show time to make the reciprocity more believable.

Favourite Moment - The exchange of gifts at the door. I love the nervousness that the two of them are feeling in this moment.

The one where I gave in.

My Beautiful Man S2 & Eternal

Confession time. This was not love at first season for me. I don’t argue quality overall and much less the acting of the show, but it just didn’t click for me.

There were some truly great moments in the first season but there was a disconnect between my heart and my brain. This happens to me sometimes. Like I watch something that is objectively good but it doesn’t reach me.

That all changed with the second season and the film. I finally connect with Hira. Don't ask me why, I don't fully understand myself, but it happened right at the beginning of the season. I think perhaps it was because I started seeing more from Kiyoi pov, because before I was absolutely clueless about what he saw in Hira in the first place. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

I don't blame the show for this, as I said, I think all the elements are there, it just didn't connect for me.

Also, the film was gorgeous to watch. Several moments (specially the sequence where the gif is from) were so well shot and edited that I'm happy I went in already with a positive mindset.

Favourite Moment: The one from the gif. I'm a sucker for a drastic visual change when the moment calls for it.

The one that had me question if watching it was good for my mental health.

Tokyo in April is | Shigatsu no Tokyo wa

Ok. I love this show. I love Ren. But this was a hard watch for me. Every week I had a struggle between two sides of me.

- Don’t watch it. It will be sad and you will be sad because of it. - But the last one was sad so I need to watch it to see if there’s happy. - Why not just wait? - Because I started already, so now I can’t wait. - But in this case binging is best. Cause for sure the ending is happy so you won’t be sad for long. - Yeah, but I need to see more now. And there’s a new episode waiting for me. - Fine. Just press play. After the episode. - I really shouldn’t watch this one live. (all this repeats the following week)

It was beautifully acted, there were some outstanding moments, the past was as tastefully done as it could be given the subject matter, and in the end my heart of full, but slightly damaged with the process.

Favourite Moment: Ren finding out Kazuma had been looking for him.

The one with all the magic.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? | Kinou Nani Tabeta? S2

I already wrote how this show made me feel in another post. So I’ll just say this.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO WATCH THIS SHOW. NOW. If you haven’t, stop reading this and go. GO. NOW. Start.

There is magic here and you don’t even know.

Favourite Moment: ALL OF THEM. But really this one.

Shiro. Just Shiro.

Well, I'll try to write the next one in these next couple of days. Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading💜

#Rose Recaps 2023 #kimi ni wa todokanai #kimi to nara koi wo shite mite mo #i cannot reach you #if it's with you #kinou nani tabeta #tokyo in april is...#shigatsu no tokyo wa #utsukushii kare #my beautiful man eternal #rose rambles

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bowieandqueen11 · 2 years

Text

Can’t Lose Family / Joel Miller Imagine

Request: Joel request- him helping Reader get her medications and she repays him with a kiss even though they aren't together?

This turned into a much cuter found family fic than I meant it too lmao but also sorry not sorry @miraclesabound!!

Warning: strong language, fighting infected, mentions of guns and knives, mentions of what happens with Sam and Henry, mentions of blood, and mentions of Sarah!

This one’s pushing 4,000 words lads which has to be my longest one shot - I spent all day writing this, so if you enjoyed please support me by commenting and reblogging!

(I do not own the Last of Us or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @manny-jacinto.)

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°

If you found one more goddamn empty first aid kit, you were going to tear a clicker’s head clean off its stupid mushroom neck.

It hadn’t been an easy journey even getting to this point. Despite Ellie’s numerous protests, snide looks, and even grabs at your jacket with a ‘questioning your sanity’ kind of look, you and Joel had both agreed that a supermall was the best next place to look for the specific kind of medication you needed.

‘It’s the only place left in this state we haven’t already scoured’, he had muttered from in front of you, pulling up Callus’ reigns and bringing the horse to a sudden halt. The building seemed to loom up from the corner of your eyes like a shooting spore; beams of light seemed to light up its cracks, spraying dust upwards through the shattered windows and clawed bricks until they flew out and danced across the sky. It whistled with every blow of wind, grumbled and heaved with the weight of its walls, howled with the furious screeches of the horde of infected that vacated the forgotten premises.

From where she was sandwiched between the two of you, Ellie managed to squeeze her head out past Joel’s shoulder and scoff. Your grip on her shoulders tightened as she tried to turn her head back to throw you an averse scowl. ‘If you guys go in there and make it back in one piece’, her words are jolted by her nose face planting into the back of Joel’s jacket, Callus rearing up his front legs and whinnying at the piercing cry of what sounded to be a recently turned runner convulsing about in horrendous pain. You straightened her back up on the saddle, and she let you wrap your arms around the top of her stomach to keep her balanced. ‘I swear, I’ll eat my backpack.’

Joel just looked past his shoulder to give her a bemused look.

‘Still would be better than having to hear another one of them lines from your joke book.’ Ellie slapped him on the shoulder, but she couldn’t hide the fact that she was looking down at the sprouting shoots breaking through the strewn concrete on the road to hide her growing smile. ‘Shut up old man. You can never escape Will Livingstone.’

You tapped Ellie’s shoulder, and when she turned to see the mischievous glint in your eye, she nodded with a grin. ‘Hey Joel’, you started, waiting for his grunt reply. ‘Do you know the last place I went before the outbreak was too a zoo?’

‘Is that so’, he sighs, not even bothering to turn his head with the foresight to realise where this was going. Hearing Ellie snicker into her hand, her other clutching into his shoulder with anticipation also brought some clarity. ‘Yeah, the only animal there was a dog. It was a Shizu. Get it? Get it, a Shit-zo-’. Joel just gave a groan that erupted from the pit of his stomach, pretending not to laugh as Ellie erupted into giggles, throwing her head back against your chin.

Joel gazed forward, looking out past the large stretch of empty highway and over the impending treeline speckled in the distance towards the swirl of dull pink and sweet lavender that had begun to transfigure the sky. ‘Yeah, see, this is the problem’, he grunted, ‘maybe being a runner wouldn’t be so bad.’ He couldn’t hide the fact that he was beginning to grin too.

Ellie snorted, and waved her hand out towards the upcoming building. ‘Well if you go in there, I think your wish will come true.’ Her words brought a fresh wave of silence over the three of you; the kind of forlorn, contemplative stillness that hadn’t shrouded itself over your little makeshift family since you all lost Sam and Henry-. You shuddered, not wanting to go back there anymore. It had been hard enough burying them, let alone trying to deal with the solitude of Ellie’s guilt and the barricading walls Joel had thrown back up at even the mention of the too small grave. It had been hard, the last few weeks, and you didn’t want the people you loved most in this derelict world to fall back into a hopelessness you had fought so hard to drag them out of.

You didn’t miss the way Joel had glanced back down at his watch though, his face hardening as he steered Callus on.

‘It will be alright, Ellie’, you patted her shoulder and winced as the sound of more infected began to ring out through the dusk and pierce your ears. Ellie shook: not with fear of them, but with terror at the thought that it could take just one wrong move, one wrong moment in this life for her to be left alone again. To be left behind. To lose everyone she loved, yet again.

But she was brave, and strong, and ready to fight for every scrap she had in spite of the world’s indifference. ‘I know,’ was all she whispered as the three of you came to a stop in front of the mall’s perimeter. The resignation didn’t last too long, though; as soon as Joel had given you his hand to help you down onto the curb, Ellie had started up again at the groans of the building’s floors constricting with the cold.

As Joel had given you a boost up past the half-blown brick wall leaking frost out from the west side of the building, Ellie had thrown her hands up in disgust. ‘Fine!’, she grabbed Callus’ reigns and led him over to a bent piece of iron fence at the edge of the perimeter. ‘If either of you fuckers decide to become infected, I’m gonna kick your shins!’ Even with the crossed arms and huff that followed, when you turned your head to look back at her, she had given you a silent, pleading nod warning you to both come back in one piece. With a final reassuring smile in her direction, you had left the girl stroking Callus’ back, and leant down to heave Joel over into the grave darkness.

The first thing you heard was the sound of sneakers pounding through the walls, the huffing and sliding of about ten bodies coming running towards you. Drawing out your knife from your back pocket, you readied yourself for the oncoming onslaught, but it never arrived. Instead, you were blinded by the sudden flash of gunfire as Joel stepped in front of you, using himself to shield himself from the infected unhinging their mouths and running into the gunfire. Only when he was sure the last one had stopped twitching on the ground did he lower his gun and turn to look at you, raging frenzy clear in his eyes.

Yet he was so gentle. So, so gentle with you. He clicked on his torch and clipped it onto the lapel of Frank’s old plaid shirt, stained once again with the scent of blood. He reached out a hand towards you, chest heaving as he turned his back to the litter of bodies now staining the linoleum floor.

‘Are you- are you alright?’ He didn’t know exactly what to do, bless him. So unsure as to how, or if he should show affection anymore. His face fell stern as he looked you up and down, yet his fingers itched against his thighs and clawed at his jeans, as if he were desperate to touch you and make sure himself. You reached out to him with one arm, and he tenderly took your wrist within his fingers. He couldn’t quite bring himself to hold your hand yet, to allow himself that sort of vulnerability, to ever give in to that sort of familiarity with another person again, but it was a step in the right direction.

‘Are you okay?’ The question was more desperate now, more sober, and the most genuine reflection of his pounding heart as he flipped your hand over and used his pointer finger to check your pulse. Sometimes, when the three of you got into tough scraps, it would be the only thing that could bring him back from that fear induced rage. You pretended not to feel his thumb shake against your wrist bone, instead nodding and dragging your fingers down to squeeze his own. ‘Let’s keep going. Ellie will be freaking out by now.’

‘Yes, I am! What the fuck was that!’, you heard echoing in from outside, the alarm in Ellie’s voice filling the vacuous hallway.

Joel managed to huff out a laugh, before shouldering his gun back round his side and nodding at you. He swallowed thickly, but even as you brushed past him to head further towards the shops, you could see how desperately he was scrunching his lips to try and push away the worry that flickered in his eyes.

And now? After all that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

You kick the empty case clear half way across the store, grunting in victory as you hear it smash against the legs of a frayed mannequin and toss it down onto the floor. An ash cloud of dust sprays up at the movement, making Joel cross his arm in front of his mouth and hack a cough as he’s sprayed in white.

‘We still haven’t tried the door behind the counter.’

‘Joel, we’ve tried every damn door in the country. Plus, it’s sealed shut, and I don’t see you packing any shivs to open it.’ You sigh and squat down to the ground, holding your head in your hands for a second. You only open them once you realise the thudding sound you hear is Joel moving over towards the back wall of the pharmacy, straight towards where a huge mass of spasming, bloated fungi seems to be pulsating on the wall.

‘Are you out of your damn mind?’, you seethe, as Joel reaches into his backpack to strap his gas mask on.

‘On the contrary, I seem to be the only one in this room with any sense.’ Although his words seem to bite, you can hear the mocking tone drip through the crinkled words as they rasp out past the ventilator. Joel joins you in squatting down to the floor, although his movement is done a lot less gracefully and with a lot more complaining about sore joints. He moves the light away from where its strewn over the floorboards to land straight in the middle of the heaving mess, and the sight nearly makes you gag in shock.

‘Ugh, Jesus’, Joel mutters, his face contorting in disgust as he clenches his fist open and closed in preparation. The figure clenched into the wall in front of him was barely recognisable: it’s drooping face was now sprouting from behinds its eyelids, mouth open as if in a never-ending frozen scream, its lab coat caked in dried old blood that seemed to suggest he wasn’t the only one to die in this dank room. ‘Well, here goes nothing.’ Tentatively inching his hand forward, Joel waits for the poor bastard to come tearing off the wall and clamp its three teeth left around his fingers. Thankfully, both for his sake and your heart, which had decided to start pounding through your ears, Joel is successful in inching the infected’s hand out of the way. He reaches into the breast pocket, sighing in relief and turning towards round to your expectant face.

Perched between his thumb and pointer finger is the rusted tip of a key.

‘Bingo’, he whistles as he stands up, stretching out his back and clicking his spine back into place. You shake your head as he heads off, following him round the counter edge and butting him out of the way once he reaches the back door. Shaking the handle one more time for good measure, you nab the key out of his hand and ignore the cry of indignation he gives you.

‘It’s my stuff we need, so I go first. Those are the rules.’

You slot the key into the lock and give it a firm twist.

‘Absolutely not.’ You nearly jump when you feel Joel’s hand firmly clamp down on top of your own, effectively trapping you against the doorknob. You glare over at him, but feel the bitter remark you were about to whip out about how ‘he always puts himself in danger before me or Ellie’ dies on the tip of your tongue when you see how scared he looks.

‘I go first.’ You tut. The grip on your hand grows firmer. His breath hitches as he bends and takes a step closer to you. He’s so close now, you can feel the rapid air escape his nose and brush over the side of your cheek. For a moment, neither of you are able to move; you’re both caught in some invisible entanglement, some building consequence the two of you have never been brave enough to breach before, some kind of tender understanding. You nod your head, realising now just how earnestly the two of you had been dancing around it: how the whole time you had known each other, one was always preparing to die for the other.

‘Please...I go first.’ His gaze drops to your lips, and then to your nose, and then finally settles, for the first time in a while, firmly on your eyes. Unwavering. Resolute. He lurches forward on the balls of his feet, and for a second you think he’s either about to headbutt you or kiss you. Instead, he gently uses his side to butt you out of the way, before turning his efforts to shouldering the door open in three abrupt pushes.

He lurches in, the door giving way before he expected it and taking his feet out from under him. He rolls to the floor, grunting with the effort as he nearly side rolls straight into the side of an empty rack of shelves. With the light in the musty room as bright as a grave, you’re left trying to figure out where Joel has gone by the sound of an empty pill bottle rolling across the room.

‘Joel? Joel! Where the fuck are you?’, you whisper, reaching your arms out and crouching down to try and find him in the darkness. ‘Shit, is that you? Are you alright?’ You grip onto something soft and squishy, Joel’s leg? It seems clad in denim, although slightly torn, as if he had skinned his whole knee slamming against the floor.

You realised your mistake only a second too late. Instead of the welcome, gravelly honey voice of one Joel Miller, and perhaps even the calloused fingers cupping your cheeks before taking your own to lurch himself back up, you were met by the spitting shriek straight into your face. ‘Oh, fuck!’

You roll backwards, slamming the back of your head straight into an iron railing. ‘Oh, doubley fu-’ Your shout is muffled by fingernails scraping over your forehead, a hand grasping onto your face and digging in until you could feel blood begin to run down the bridge of your nose. Grappling with your hand, you simultaneously try to pitch your knee up to stop the clicker from completely detaching from the wall and clambering on top of you, and wrestling past its bumpy elbow to reach the knife stuck behind your back. Gnashing teeth leaves drool dripping down onto your neck, and you groan with the effort of trying to stop them from tearing a chunk out of your jugular.

You finally manage to grasp onto the hilt of your knife, trying to lift up your backside to slide it out of your pocket and straight into the skull of the infected on top of you. It doesn’t matter though. A second later, it feels as if molten is being poured in gushes down onto your bare skin; you stifle a shudder as the blood leaks out from the clicker’s eye sockets and sprays over your shoulder blades. You squint, just about managing to make out the outline of Joel’s clenched teeth and furrowed brow as he pulls the crowbar he had managed to find out of the thing’s skull. Pushing it to the side, it flops unceremoniously onto the floor.

‘Jesus...’, you warble out, still slightly in shock that you had come so close to the end right there and then. So clumsily close. So stupidly.

Joel doesn’t give you a chance to finish your thought. You swear it must have hurt when he threw himself down onto the ground, not even pretending to be calm and collected as he comes sliding on his knees over to you.

‘Are you hurt?’

‘H-huh?’

His hands are shaking as they reach up to roam over your face, his movements rapid and rushed and so carelessly unlike him that it only winds you deeper into your confused stupor. Before this - sure, he may have been concerned, but it was always hidden behind a thick wall of confidence and level headedness. But this, this was different. He was gripping onto the sides of your face as if the skin was about to peel away from your body in front of him; he was trembling in the way only a man marred by ghosts could be. As the flashlight blinked across the floor, the glass smashed into fractured shoots by Joel’s fall, all his mind can see with each glare is Sarah suspended in front of him.

‘Are you hurt?’ His voice is shaking as he speaks, tilting your face back and forth as if he’s scanning you for any scrabs and bites, yet his fingers are moving too quickly to truly take any of you in.

‘I’m fine, I’m fine. I just, ah-’, you cup his hands and bring them to rest within your own, both of you using each other’s weight to try and lever yourselves to a standing position again. ‘I think my ankle is twisted slightly.’ You watch his eyes widen, and try your best to shoot him a reassuring smile despite how shaken you were feeling. ‘It’s alright, it’ll be fine once I shake it off. Especially since I see another med-pack over there.’ You let go of one of his hands to point past his shoulder, finally coming back to yourself when you spot another plastic box hanging, squished in between the pharmacist's desk and the wall.

Despite the elated glow that seems to suddenly gleam in your eyes as you hobble over bits of broken glass and clamber over the smashed up computer monitor, Joel doesn’t let go of you the whole way. Not even when you unclasp the lock and throw the lid back, tilting your head back and laughing in near hysteric delight when you see the full bottles still nestled in dust inside. They move from your hands, up your arms and around your shoulders, squeezing your biceps as the two of you make your way quietly back through the supermall and back out towards the hole to freedom.

‘Fuck me! I thought you guys were gonners for sure!’ For a second, as you glanced out and saw Ellie bent over with her hands on her hips with the relief of seeing the two of you dumbasses hobble back into view, you thought the young girl was going to collapse to the ground. Instead, she took a deep breath and turned back to you with a surprisingly serious look on her face. ‘Did you find any comics in there?!’

‘Are you kidding-’ Joel murmurs out with a huff, waving his hand at her in dismissal. Ellie only raises her hand in a shrug before flipping him off, but the two of them are both smiling as Joel offers you his hand. You take it easily, but before you drop down to the grass again, you surprise Joel Miller for about the third time that day.

Before he even has a chance to blink, you lean towards him and press your lips against the side of his stubbly cheek. His eyes widen, but even as you press a second, quicker kiss against his cheek, he seems too stoic to pull away. When you finally do, he raises two fingers up to the wet patch now gleaming on his skin, and looks at you with a rapturous confusion.

‘Thank you. For everything. For still being here’, is all you whisper with a final look back at him, before falling down through the sliver of dark orange that still falls like firelight between the breaks in the pine trees. Ellie welcomes you back energetically, nearly knocking you over with the speed in which she comes running towards you and wraps her arms around your midriff, squishing the side of her face into your chest.

Joel watches the two of you for a moment: the way Ellie looks up at you as if you were pure unbridled hope as she unlatches herself from you, the way you grab her hand and help her hop back up onto Callus’ back, coming to rest on the side of the saddle before animatedly falling into conversation with her, most likely checking up to make sure she was doing okay with all of this.

He blinks back the wistfulness from his eyes as he stands on the stone strewn crag of the building, the soft ground suddenly seeming so far away. As he watches you, he tries to figure out what he feels: love? Longing? Guilt? Before he even notices, he finds his gaze has drawn itself back down to his wrist, the shattered clock face seemingly staring him down and stifling whatever happiness he was trying to feel.

He covers it with his hands, rubbing his fingers over the side as if it were burning his skin and he couldn’t bear to carry the weight of it anymore. But then you call over to him, and Ellie waves her hand up and beckons him to come down with a bright grin and yell, and suddenly the heaviness seems to unburden, to unlatch its grip on his stomach.

Sure, the misery of his past still haunted him, still dragged behind his head as he jumped and landed on the ground with a thump. But as he slowly jogged back over to the two of you, the shadows were beginning to lift. The light was beginning to break through, and Joel Miller couldn’t remember feeling so bullishly light in all his life.

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