#i’m just ?? it was only the title that called the character bipolar and it STILL pissed me off

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Tonight’s episodes were a bit ‘eh’. Some very good storylines, some not so good ones. Lots of very good acting all around though.

As a prelude to my reviews: I must admit, the more time passes since the brilliant “Wednesday’s Child”, the more I come to realise what a bad decision this Ollie storyline is. Maybe it’s made for a few good episodes in the short term, but in the long run? Ollie was one of the Casualty kids with the most potential. Harry Collett was fabulous in the role, and I, like many of us, hoped for an eventual story about Ollie developing bipolar - that could’ve been a fantastic storyline to do and I trust Casualty would have handled it brilliantly.

But they threw all that away. And I think the producers will find themselves majorly regretting this decision in the long term.

I am also just so tired of Holby City Hospital staff members having dead murderous sons. I’m tired of it.

The original Henrik and Fredrik story on Holby was a masterpiece. But here’s the thing: that sort of story only works once. Or at the very, VERY least, once in a decade. But Holby kept trying to repeat similar stories for cheap shocks in the hope of getting the same viewing figures and praise as they did for the Fredrik story, and eventually, they sank low enough that they just straight up repeated the “murderous son” theme with Bernie and Cameron, a storyline so dreadful it couldn’t even be saved by the acting talents of the wonderful Jemma Redgrave.

And now, with Holby gone, Casualty has repeated the storyline again with David and Ollie. And although the writing is better than it was for Holby’s Cameron story, the fundamental fact that this is a story that only works once still remains.

Will Casualty try to endlessly repeat and copy this story, become stuck on it, the way Holby did with Fredrik? I desperately hope not, as reiterations of Fredrik were what led to Holby’s downfall. Will they create various storylines or even write in massive retcons just to give David a bunch of “replacement Ollies”, in a manner that’s actually quite insensitive to his grief if anything, the same way Holby gave Henrik “replacement Fredriks”? They’d better not.

“Wednesday’s Child” was an incredible episode. As a piece of drama in its own right, it was BAFTA-worthy. I’m sticking to that. But honestly, it felt like someone wanted to make a one-off or miniseries drama set in the US, got asked to make an episode of Casualty instead, and implemented their idea anyway. This story doesn’t belong on Casualty. It’s not realistic and it’s a waste of what could’ve been a great character.

Sigh.

Onto the actual episodes. I’ll start with episode 1, “Blame Game”:

First of all, “Blame Game” feels like a really boring title for an episode like this. I don’t know what they could’ve called it instead unless they wanted to go full on with the stealing from Holby and call it “We Need To Talk About Ollie”, but still.

Speaking of Holby, it was nice to see Michelle Lipton wrote this episode - I didn’t realise it was her till I saw her name at the start! She hasn’t written for Casualty in quite a while so it’s nice to know we’ll still be graced with her talent, even with Holby over.

It was a pretty damn good episode. Even if it did feel like someone was writing a Dylan/David shipping angst fic and somehow got it onto the screen. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just... a thing.

Jason Durr and William Beck are both INCREDIBLE actors with an excellent rapport and they knocked it out of the park tonight. Jason Durr in particular so deserves a BAFTA for this.

I’m adoring seeing the Dylan/David friendship revisited, and Dylan doing so much to try to look after David and do his best to protect him in whatever ways he knows how. I do wish, of course, that it was in a better situation.

My heart absolutely broke for David even more tonight. Him just... letting the people beat him up, because he thought he deserved it, was heartwrenching. And those early scenes with him looking through the photos and videos of Ollie were just... gah.

People are saying they think this will lead to David leaving the show. I don’t think it has to in the slightest (Henrik stayed, remember), but I do think it will take a very long while for him to find any sort of normality again after this. Fuck. Poor bloke. :(

Faith is just AWFUL. Whenever I think I can’t hate her more, she finds a way to make everything about herself and how she thinks she’s better than anyone else. I don’t even have words for her actions tonight except “how the fuck does anyone still like her”. I’m glad she got called out on her detestable behaviour for once. And I can’t imagine Dylan going anywhere near her again after what she said about David.

The plot with the boy and the gerbil was weird. Nothing much to say about that.

The sightseer couple were very cute, though. I liked them. It’s nice having so many patient storylines lately.

And I loved the moment when Dylan gave Acting Clinical Lead to Ethan and Stevie was like “so it’s a BOYS’ club?!”, as if she doesn’t know full well she’s tried to get that job so she could literally conspire against people before. Where’s that meme post that’s like “me on trial for murder: You guys just hate women having fun!!”? That’s Stevie.

Episode 2, “One In, One Out”:

I like Stevie as a character. She’s improved greatly recently, and it helps that Elinor Lawless is a fantastic actress. Is Stevie a terrible, unlikeable person? Yeah, absolutely. Do I enjoy watching her anyway? Yes. So I enjoyed this episode well enough, though it wasn’t as good as the first.

Annoys me that Stevie and Marcus have had more onscreen kisses than Henrik and Russ ever got, though. Sigh.

It was nice to see Bex from Eastenders (aka Jasmine Armfield) as one of the guest characters.

Sah getting deadnamed over and over again is so annoying. This is not a necessary thing to do with trans characters! It’s not! Arin Smethurst was great though.

Not sure what to think of the new anaesthetist. He’s just sort of... there.

The robber patients were wild and their story shouldn’t have worked, but it did. I liked them.

Also - a songtage on Casualty?? That just feels wrong, songtages were Holby’s thing.

Anyway, next week’s ep is Ollie’s funeral, with a fantastically chosen episode title - “Parental Guidance”. We’d best all be ready to cry at Jason Durr’s acting for the third week in a row.

[houseofanubis-headcanon]

10 Years & New Project & College Essay

Can’t believe it’s been ten years since House of Anubis began. I mention a lot how this show influenced me and how much it means to mean. This past week I applied to college, hoping to study creative writing amongst other things. I thought I share my admissions essay with you. It’s not very good, but it talks about the influence HoA had on me ever since I first started watching it on January 1, 2011 as well as a project that I’m working on now.

But before that I actually wanted to share a link to my new project. I posted the first draft of this a couple months ago. I know it’s not something a lot of people would be interested in, but I’d appreciate that if anyone decides to read it they tell me what they think. I’ve been working on it for about a year and a half and have almost all of it planned out. As well as an eighth of it written. Here’s the link - https://archiveofourown.org/works/26869114/chapters/65558398

TW - Mentions of abuse and alcoholism.

The Brick

Knee deep in Elmers glue and childish picture books bound together with loose strands of dental floss is where I discovered I wanted to be a writer. I had just finished an episode of the 2011 Nickelodeon show House of Anubis when I had come up with the topic of my first story, a fan-fiction of the main character passing out and being sent to the hospital. I had a peculiar obsession with fainting at the age of five. However, no matter the odd concept, it was the beginning of a lifelong passion.

I moved on to begin a novel about a dystopian future where the government kidnapped and reprogrammed people, with a coalition of escapees hiding underground. Currently, it’s been left unfinished, my third grade handwriting barely legible. It was dubbed “The Oatmeal Story” by my writing group because it featured a section about a cat eating leftover oatmeal when no other food could be located in the house a young girl had found refuge in.

My next big project was a poetry book I had written for extra credit in seventh grade called When the Alarm Clock Doesn’t Wake You Up Anymore (bit of a dramatic title, I know). I’m now working on a new, more subtle, poetry book, Venus.However, WTACDWYUA was the first time I had realized that I wasn't just writing stories about independent variables existing in a world beyond my own, but rather, I was writing about myself and my world.

With poetry and fiction a permanent fixture in my writing career, I decided to apply my voice to the screen. Oranges was a screenplay I wrote in eighth grade and am currently working on the ninth draft of. It follows Terra, a young woman moving away from home for the first time, and in doing so, realizes the manipulative ways of her mother. I had based the majority of it off of similar experiences I was going through with my father. He moved away in 2014 after his alcoholism completely took hold of his life, forcing my mother to separate from him. He became clean soon after that and is doing better. However, being far from me, his understanding of my boundaries somewhat lowered by his bipolar disorder, he reached out to me in ways that I know recognize as abusive, claiming to know me better than I know myself, or that I was toxic for not responding to his messages. Oranges was the first time I used writing as a way to cope, to articulate feelings too big to simply speak aloud.

Now, not only am I working on Oranges and Venus, but a novel titled If the Love Feels Hollow, which follows themes of feminism, sexuality, and abuse, another screenplay entitled ¿Por Qué Venir a Chile? Porque de los Huevos, which explores my experiences as a white passing latinx, as well as a television script that follows the lives of the characters that I had first written about in 2011. 

Here we return to House of Anubis. A childish dream not yet laid to rest. One that I know is never going anywhere, but still remains one of my most beloved projects. I’m currently working on a personal reboot that should span approximately four seasons. I had finished writing 10 episodes when, as they were printing, the 150 pages forming a weight in my hands of uncompromising excitement and pride, the script was affectionately nicknamed “The Brick.” I’m editing it now, continuing to outline the next three and a half seasons.

Writing, I have realized, is not only something that I want to turn into my career, but something that keeps me grounded in reality, in touch with my existence, deepest desires, and nightmares. It is something that connects me to all of my interests from psychology to politics to history to music. Without writing, I am incomplete.

[pridebooks]

Guess who actually read a book again!!!!

so have my immediate post-book ramble because otherwise i won’t say anything

I really liked The Lightness of Hands!! It was interesting and the characters were all wonderful, and serious discussions fit into the story naturally! It never felt like a serious discussion was stuffed in for no reason, and there was maybe one line that felt a little preachy, but it was from a Dramatic character so I think that’s allowed. I’m pretty sure already that it’s going to be another comfort book of mine, which is a title currently held by 2 other books total - including Symptoms of Being Human

More under the read more because i ramble a lot when i ramble, and it’s a lil incoherent probably because i should really be sleeping

There’s something about Jeff Garvin’s writing that is very special to me. I don’t know what it is, but since I first got Symptoms, I’ve been able to read it even when my attention span was horrible. It’s been a book that whenever I pick it up, for any reason, I end up reading at least part of it. Coming back to Riley is safe.

I was sort of expecting that to not be true for The Lightness of Hands, just because I know one author’s work can widely vary. But it was. It’s just as much of a comfort, it grasped my attention just as well (I was able to read it in under 4 hours even with a couple breaks to talk to people about things that excited me - it’s a 380 page book not counting the author’s note etc).

I really want to read these books back-to-back someday, to compare Riley and Ellie and to compare the stories and characters. Right now, I think that this book did better with characters and story, as would be expected when comparing an author’s first book and second book, but I absolutely adore both books. I also want to compare them because there are certain things that are definitely shared with the main characters. A few months ago, Jeff Garvin tweeted - I can’t find it now, but I recall it very clearly - that he was diagnosed with Bipolar II in 2017. Which is after Symptoms came out. A lot of how he wrote Ellie’s depression/”down” times reminded me very strongly of Riley, and I have absolutely no doubts that his undiagnosed bipolar impacted exactly how he wrote Riley’s depression.

What’s interesting for me is that I read Symptoms shortly after it came out, and now have read The Lightness of Hands right after it came out, so I’m thinking about it with nobody else’s input on it, with no prior knowledge of quotes, references, or plot points. Knowing them wouldn’t have ruined anything, I just think it’s fun. I also think it’s fun that this is one author who I’ve read both their books pretty much as soon as I possibly could after they came out, which isn’t common for me. We’re a very paperback household. Our bookshelves were literally custom made to fit paperbacks better (before I was born). Yet, here I am.

I did keep waiting for someone from Symptoms to show up - Ellie’s best friend Ripley is from Park Hills, where Symptoms is set, and was slightly disappointed when nobody did, but that’s okay. I just like little Treats like that.

Something I really appreciated in this book was Ripley. I fucking adored Ripley. Holy crap. I’ve had Harry Potter on my brain lately (the hp wandlore is very fun and if you want to know about it please ask), but then Jeff just had to go and put more harry potter in there. Ripley is canonically a Hufflepuff (like me!!) and we’re pretty similar in general honestly? He’s a better hacker than me (as in: i dont know shit) and we look different, but otherwise?? Same hat. I would love to have Ripley as a friend. And while I had those 2 thoughts completely separately, it made me realize that means I’d want me as a friend, and that’s a very comforting thought. Basically what happened here is that Jeff Garvin tricked me into saying good things about myself?

Seeing an ace character isn’t That special for me anymore - I can currently put my hands on at least 5 books with ace characters. But this is the first one with an ace guy who is clearly stated to be ace. Or.. sort of the second? In Radio Silence by Alice Oseman, Aled is demisexual, but I think of him as nonbinary, because I got those Vibes and Alice has said he probably figures out he’s nonbinary at some point in the future, so I don’t think of him in the “ace boys” category? Anyway, the other 2 I have are both from one author and are questioning & ambiguous, and only one mentions asexual as a possibility. So an explicitly ace guy is a big deal for me (an ace guy).

I also adore that Ripley wears an ace ring!! Especially because I almost do (I got a ring but it doesn’t fit on my middle finger so it’s on my ring finger where it does fit and the black was actually just a coating but I like it better this way, it’s complicated, it’s a star trek ring, it says “infinite diversity in infinite combinations” in vulcan, I’m a nerd.), and because ace rings are simultaneously our most well known signal and something that relatively few aces know about? I would’ve appreciated if it was explicitly stated that it was an ace ring, but as Ellie is the narrator it’s entirely possible that she didn’t know, so she couldn’t tell us. And he’s still wearing it!! It’s something that a lot of aces will see and be very excited about!

Honestly, I remember back when Jeff posted an ask about this book back in late 2018, telling us what he could about it. we got Female protagonist, ace bff, road trip. And I was seriously expecting the friend to be another girl. Largely because so many books will have any boy and girl who are friends end up being romantically involved. But nope!! A wonderful ace dude bff. I’m pretty sure Ripley is aroace based on what he said, but either he just calls himself ‘ace’ or that bit never came up? Assuming he is aroace, I would’ve liked to see his aro-ness as explicitly stated as his ace-ness, but that’s also mostly on me.

I don’t know what i’m even really saying anymore so goodnight!! I had a great time with the book, it’s brought me great comfort and joy already, and I hope it can bring you the same.

[araisbored]

Obelisk

That’s the only quirky title I could come up to make this a little bit more interesting.

I’m reviewing my favorite book again. More like making another post about it. Because I seem like the type of person to not shut up about something she truly, truly, deeply love. Though, I won’t really making a review. Because I am in no state to make one of those. I don’t know I just I’m not that qualified to that yet. Though I read millions of books, I still won’t. I re-read my last “review” and it just make me cringe because I can’t understand what I’m saying and there’s a bunch of errors on my sentence. Not that this whole post won’t containing grammar errors, but still. Also, the cringing intensifies when I saw that Jennifer Niven (the author of this book) liked my bizarrely wrong blog entry. Ms. Niven, if by any chance, reading this again, I love your work and I’m sorry for a lot of grammatical errors. Ms. Niven, your work changed my life and help me get through a rough time. Sounds cliché but its the truth. 

To repeat what I typed, I won’t make a review. Yet, I’ll post a very private diary log which where I somehow discuss my opinions about this book. So here it is. 

Trigger warning: Suicide topics, cutting and mental issues might come up on the next following paragraph. And it’s really graphic. Because it is a personal log on my digital diary. Beware. 

May 17, 2019: Theodore’s death, Avengers: End game and GoT discussion.

I never had a proper review of this book. Because lets be real here. Its me and probably won’t matter. Last time or more like last last year, I made a book recommendation/favourites about this book. And I emphasize on that blog post that it’s not a book review. NOT A BOOK REVIEW. At all.

Because:

I am scared of the internet scrutinizing my opinions and views about this book.

It’s about mental health or part of it. So it is really a sensitive topic and I even haven’t figured myself out. So I’m not really sure if  I’m the right person you want to have an opinion regarding with this topic. One thing about me is that you don’t go asking me questions on how you figured your life or how you deal with depression because, oh boy oh boy you’re in a wrong place honey.

Last night I searched Theodore Finch on twitter. Yes, twitter. Because that is where you get the real opinions. Real tea. As well as the stupid ones. And I read one thread or whatever you call it, some sort of a conversation or replies from one girl to another. (I just assumed you’re girl and I’m sorry if you’re not. I am really sorry for misgendering you.) The other girl said that she’s kind of annoyed how everyone around Theodore doesn’t get the signs when it’s literally on their faces. When you come to think of it. Its true. All the signs of Theodore’s disease was there. Bluntly on their faces. It’s kind of fascinating how it’s not noticed by his family and friends or even Violet. But again right now thinking about it, maybe because it happened when this world just slowly noticing or paying attention about mental health. Hold a second, let me search when it was published. Yeah, I'm right its 2015. A year of coming of age for the late Baby Boomers are introduced to depression and when people, mostly teenagers are committing suicide. I would be very harsh on my words because it was just me talking to myself anyways. So yeah, that's also the year where I'm cutting myself and wanted to kill myself. So no wonder Finch’s family have no idea about his mishaps and adventures. So about that discussion, it was already solved. That year was just the year where naïve people are introduced to mental health and issues. Anyways, back to that conversation. The other girl defended the book/author. That the author, Jenifer Niven, was just portraying real life happenings. That these things happens in real life. People really die because of mental health issues. By the way, Finch mental diagnosis wasn’t really mentioned on the book directly. As far as I can remember. That’s why I'm re-reading it again now. But so far zero mentioned of diagnosis or bipolarity(Is that even a word? idc.). Just the mention of him wanting to kill himself, the erotic changes in his moods, lack of appetite and being insomniac. He doesn’t sleep one night or he sleeps then have very bad nightmares after that. It’s pretty obvious but again, let’s refer to the points given above. Oh, oh! Then there’s one time he repainted his bedroom from blood red to blue. If that’s not alarming enough then idk anymore. But yes, 2015. The coming of age and the year where we birthed more stupid late boomers. But, yes. Wild book. A very wild and very BRILLIANT book. It’s the stupid characters or the people in Finch’s life that suck. Which is why I kind of sided to the girl who said that that the author doesn’t really write the characters well. Let’s call her Girl A. And the other girl who defend Niven, Girl B. I’m pretty sure you’re both girls but just in case, I’m gonna apologize again if I'm  misgendering you. Or if you don’t wanna be called a girl. I can’t say or disclose that Girl B was wrong because he clearly have a point too. It happens in real life. People die from depression and I might be one soon.

Just wanna say that It’s a good discourse. Arguments like that are my favorites where both sides are not wrong nor right either, makes you really think. A read. Both the book and that twitter discourse. If you happened to read it, good. But if not sorry I can’t link it for you. 

So for my opinion (oh no, here we go) I agree on both of them , as if its not yet obvious. I guess if it was written in the present days the author could’ve change the characters and made Finch alive. Or checked-in in a mental institution or he’ll be given a medical assistance he really needs. Because the only medical attention he was given was thru his Guidance councilor, Embryo. Which is a good thing, but also I think Finch’s situation needs more professional attention. No offence to all guidance councilors out there. I know you guys try your best. But you know, Niven can make Finch visit a psychiatrist in a clinic/mental institution right? Like violet. I know Finch’s financial state is bad but.. idk there’s something can be done here. But again it was during that time where people are shouting “Depression isn’t real”, stupid people posting tweets and Facebook status on how “Suicide is for the week”; they watch 13 reasons why and decided to skip the whole point of the show and just assumed that “yeah depression is for the weaklings”. It only shows how ignorant people are. They’re the kind of people who standby when you get punch on the face or laugh when people spreads rumors and lies about you. Basically, bystanders. I’m sorry I’m a little snappy. If you haven’t noticed. I don’t know I’m just mad today.

I think the book still holds it. And justify the ending. Though part of me really hate it too. But it kind of made me realized about a lot of things, not just about me but also about how I should interact with other human beings. I hate the ending because it breaks my heart but I guess it was necessary?? Or not. Any how,  It was a good ending. Maybe its just me because I’m a masochist. But I can not think of any other impactful and realistic way on ending it. (Rereading this again and I just need to clear things up. That IM NOT A MURDERER OR A KILLER. I DONT NORMALIZE SUICIDE,  but from a standing point the ending is justified. Its sad but its, again, realistic.) But still, breaks my heart, Theodore is a precious boy. Who deserves nothing but love. And I hope his story was more known by the people so jackasses would know how to treat their family and friends better. 

[This part was cut because I talked about Avengers and GoT ending; Which is very relevant to this topic]

Love,

Ara xx

So yeah, that’s some of my diary entry. Re-reading it makes me realized how funny I am. Jesus I should read more of these. Who knows, I might post it here. If it’s not that personal. I’ll end this here now. I hope wherever you are you’re having a good day.

Ttyl, Ara!

[some-creep]

CREEP RANKS EVERY SONG IN NIER... AUTOMATA (mostly) BY TITLE

Because, like, no one played Gestalt. Also this game has more songs.

Significance Like. I guess. It’s a title you can use. What is significant? We don’t know. The characters don’t know. They are struggling to find out. We all are. What is meaning? What really matters? I don’t know but we’re all crying. 8/10

City Ruins – Rays of Light / Shade Plays in the ruins of the city. Exactly as advertised. Sounds sad like you might imagine. 9/10

Peaceful Sleep This is the Resistance camp right? Peaceful things don’t tend to happen there honestly. At least not as we keep going. Sounds like a sleepy JRPG town though. Ok title for the mood it gives. I like this song a lot so I’m cheating and giving it more points than I know it deserves as just, like, a title. 8/10

Memories of Dust Sand is dusty. What memories? We’re making them. Cool title. Sounds like a YA novel though. 9/10

Birth of a Wish Genuinely often get confused with the Silent Hill 2 bonus story Born from a Wish whenever I try to remember what this song is called. This Cannot Continue / 10

The Color of Depression This is like… a really cool title. Thanks. That Scanner boy is not gonna live the happy family life you all for some reason keep suggesting he is. Bad things are gonna happen to him. He dies anyway. 11/10

Amusement Park Yeah. I guess. We certainly are in the amusement park level. Creep why does this one rank so much lower than City Ruins which was also just “name of location”. Amusement park is not a cool title. City Ruins is a cool title. 7/10

A Beautiful Song Would you say Simone has girlpower? Would you say Simone successfully used her girlpower to kill and consume countless androids and also turn them into near lifeless weapons and body jewelry? 9/10

Voice of No Return Sad title. Sad song. Exactly as advertised once again. I feel sad listening to the Automata OST most of the time. Is this quest complete in the camp? I think so. Anyway it’s really sad. I love to cry. 11/10

Grandma – Destruction Um so this is like. Genuinely a horrible title. It reminds me of the title of a darkweb video which I will say no more on. This song is REALLY good its a shame this title is so… uh. Bad. It’s just bad. 1/10

Faltering Prayer – Dawn Breeze / Starry Sky This is another really cool title. This game is about like… life after god. I’m not here to get thematic. I say in a list entirely about if the song fits the theme. Anyway this is a cool title. The song again… sounds sad.  One of them is a music box which I love. Cheating again. 10/10

Emil’s Shop EVERY DAY’S A SALE. EVERY SALE’S A WIN. 12/10!!

Treasured Times The fact this plays after Emil’s shop on the OST is the biggest tonal whiplash in the world. This song makes me feel an emotion I cannot describe. It’s something like sadness but not quite. This isn’t a review of the songs, just the title. But reading the title makes me feel that emotion too but stronger when I think about it. I don’t know. 9/10

Vague Hope – Cold Rain / Spring Rain Good title… Thematically very appropriate. Not COOL like some of the others but it feels right feels canon. I like it. It’s just the city ruins quest complete song but it also plays in one of the fucking… DLC fights. That makes me extra sad. 10/10

End of the Unknown Which unknown was ended. Genuinely think when this plays I had more unknowns than knowns. This song sounds like every song from the Gestalt DLC. 6/10.

Pascal At least Automata has far fewer “named after a character” songs. They just have named after a place songs. I love Pascal so if I give this a low score he might be upset. 8/10

Forest Kingdom It really… the forest huh. Random but one of the songs in Code Vein does a vocal thing that always reminds me of this song for some reason. That has nothing to do with this game or this songs title at all I just wanted to tell you. Long Live The Forest King / 10

Dark Colossus – Kaiju This song is also in Gestalt. It’s cooler here. More stakes. Song title suggests less stakes though? That’s kinda weird. Because of this it loses points. I’m sorry. 7/10

Copied City Dude I left this one off the list when I first typed it out lol. Someone not to @ anyone told me this was based on Nier’s village. Lie to me again. I don’t know what City is being Copied. One of them. It reminds me more of the Cathedral City from DoD3. Which is a bad horrible game that I completed 100%. 8/10

Wretched Weaponry Not to be confused with Wretched Automatons. Is this like, a remix? My ears don’t work so I don’t know. Don’t inform me because I love being stupid. Anyway, in the narrative it makes sense. It’s a good, cool title. Song is softer than the title would suggest. 9/10

Possessed by Disease COOL SONG TITLE. Thank you. This plays… somewhere. Uh. Hm. I’ve 100% completed this game like three times. 9/10

Broken Heart You think you’re gonna hear a sad song? SURPRISE. Sinister as hellllll. Subverted expectations baby. MCU take notes. I’ve never seen a movie in the MCU. Loving the dark tones in this. Broken heart but the emotion isn’t just sad. GOOD STUFF. 10/10

Mourning Again. You think it’s gonna be sad? But BOOM. It isn’t. I mean it still is, but in a dark way. These aren’t song reviews. These are title reviews. But if a title suggests one thing and delivers another that’s still a valid point right? I don’t know. Hey wait isn’t this just Shadowlord’s Castle? Yonah / 10

Dependent Weakling Well, it’s no Song of the Ancients – Fate, but it’ll do. In all seriousness, this is like, a great song title for Eve’s boss battle. Y’know, because he relied so heavily on Adam and all’a that. Maybe a little on the nose. Maybe a little rude. Eve sucks / 10

Rebirth & Hope Sounds hopeful. Plays during ending A where we see a Rebirth cos 9S super doesn’t die. This song is literally 30 seconds long why am I even bothering. Oh, right, because it’s on the OST at all. 30 second songs / 10

War & War Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here, this is the war room. It… sounds like a war room song. A preparing for a big battle song. Once again, exactly as advertised. Plays before a big battle. It really thematic naming! Peace was never an option. 8/10

Crumbling Lies Words cannot express how much I adore this song. First of all, title is on point. It’s the song that plays when you get to  Route C. Literally the moment I fell in love with the game. The Bunker is destroyed, which, again… maybe it’s a bit on the nose. I don’t care. This is the perfect song title to the perfect song. I will die on this hill. 12/10

Widespread Illness Red Eye except it’s robots now. Very thematically appropriate. Everyone is dying. There’s nothing you can do to cure it except kill them. They’re incredibly infectious. Zombie Virus but with Robots. Can you tell I don’t remember what it’s called? I’m writing this at 1am and I’ve decided it’s funnier if I don’t look anything up. Sounds very somber… I like it. 9/10

Fortress of Lies Not to be dramatic but when I read this English title I was like MMMMMMMNNN because like. I get it. It plays in the Bunker. Which… is built on lies. Again. Incredibly on the nose but when I learned what the song was called I just fucking DIED the first time. I’m stupid. I don’t care. 11/10

Song of the Ancients – Atonement Another song I died when I learned the title of. Devola and Popola in that game have nothing to atone for. They are atoning for sing they did not commit. Punished for the crimes of another set of Androids, possibly thousands of miles away. It’s not fair. They have nothing to atone for. They’ve done nothing wrong. 12/10 crying creeps.

Blissful Death FUCK. This one plays in the Devola and Popola like. Text Adventure part. Which is just. I love it so much. No one dies in that though. Well… maybe someone does. It’s not impossible that Popola hurt someone. It’s suggested that, maaaaybe she did. No one stops. No one Stops.

Emil – Despair Emil’s life has quite literally only been despair. Please don’t bully him with your song titles like this… 9/10

Alien Manifestation Vintage meme of that guy from the history channel with the impact font that just says Aliens.  This game has aliens, I will give you that. They’re all dead though. I guess the machines are aliens but. Eh. Wait doesn’t this play in the castle? There aren’t even aliens there what the fuck. 5/10

The Tower There’s a tower. This plays there. Thank you. Also the name of a tarot card I think? That could be cool if I knew a single goddamn thing about tarot cards. I don’t. 6/10

Bipolar Nightmare Cool flying section. Has anyone found Grun skip yet? Because the bounty for that was like. A lot of money. Vaguely a cool song title. I kinda like it. Although for some reason it reminds me of The Evil Within’s Japanese title, Psychobreak. So I think I like it less because of that. Not the worst title, but maybe the lowest of the COOL EDGY song titles. Fucking love the piano part in this one though. 7/10

The Sound of the End Really super cool and sexy song title. 2B is going to die but she can’t let anyone else get hurt because of it. She’s already done so much damage. This song is really dramatic sounding. The title is dramatic. Love this one a lot. The actual playable segment is kind of a struggle. But I think that’s the point… 10/10

Weight of the World / End of YoRHa I once got into an internet fight because I said this song is about every character except 9S because of the line “I’m only one girl”. I was corrected that the Japanese version is basically EXCLUSIVELY about 9S. None of this is relevant at all I just wanted to remember it. I still do not like 9S. Thematically a brilliant title. Everyone feels like they must do so much… but you cannot bear the weight of the world alone. Ending E legitimately makes me cry. Whenever I think about the messages from other players supporting me? It’s a lot. What the fuck. 12/10

[aion-rsa]

Best Romantic Movies on Netflix

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Romance movies are not that different from horror movies. Both are incredibly hard to pull off, are heavily watched during a cold time of year, and hopefully end with every character covered in blood.

With that in mind we present to you a list of the best romantic movies on Netflix. Because romance deserves it, damn it. Virtually every song ever written is a love song but poor romance can’t get a fair shake at the movies. Whether it be a rom-com or just a straight-up soul-enlightening/crushing romance, our list of the best romantic movies on Netflix will get you back in touch with your cold, dead heart.

Set It Up

Set It Up is Netflix’s most accomplished original romantic comedy yet.

Zoey Deutch and Glen Powell star as overworked assistants Harper and Charlie. Harper is an assistant to Kirsten (Lucy Liu) the woman behind a sports media empire. Charlie works for finance maven Rick (Taye Diggs). Harper and Charlie realize that their respective workloads might lesson if their bosses were more focused on their love life and less focused on work. So they…set them up.

Set It Up is a fun, novel high-concept romance movie positively filled with chemistry on all sides.

Outside In

We embrace every kind of love on our list of the best romance movies. Sometimes that includes some questionable, and some would say “icky” kind of love. So…Outside In is a teacher-student romance. But don’t panic! It’s ok.

Jay Duplas stars as Chris, a man who was wrongly imprisoned at age 18 and who is relased at age 38. When Chris is released, he immediately meets up with his old high school teacher, Carol (Edie Falco), who was his penpal when he was in prison. He wastes little time before he declares his love for her.

Despite its subject matter, Outside In is a mature, well-handled exploration of love and what it means to love someone for themselves as opposed to what they do for us.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

With a name as long as The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, the movie better be good to justify how many times we poor cultural commenters must type it out. Thankfully Guernsey is quite good!

Based on a book by the same name, Guernsey is a historical love story set in 1946. Lily James stars as British writer Juliet Ashton. Juliet begins exchanging letters with residents of the islands of Guernsey, which was under German occupation in WWII (so like two years before the movie starts). While there she meets the dashing Dawsey Adams (Michael Huisman) and romance begins to blossom.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society is an excellent, watchable classical romance

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

Oh hey! Another Netflix original with a long title based on a book. Like the Potato Peel Pie Society, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is another effortlessly enjoyable romantic romp – this time of the teen variety.

Lara Jean Song Covey (Laura Condor) experiences every young person’s nightmare when private love letters to five boys she has or has had crushes on suddenly and mysteriously become public. But fear not. This is a romance movie, not a horror movie. So this sudden reveal has to go well for Lara Jean, right? RIGHT?!?

To All the Boys P.S. I Still Love You

The To All the Boys team returns for a sequel that teaches kids the harsh lesson that there’s no such thing as happily ever after! OK, so that’s a bit harsh, but To All the Boys P.S. I Still Love You does bring back its characters for another round of romantic angst.

Read more

Movies

To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You Review

By Delia Harrington

Movies

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before Review: A Pleasurable Netflix Rom-Com

By Delia Harrington

Lara Jean (Lana Condor) is now officially Peter’s (Noah Centineo) girlfriend. But before they can relax and enjoy their lives together, an old flame of Lara Jean enters the frame. That’s right, John Ambrose (Jordan Fisher) is here and he wants to steal your girl, Noah Centineo.

The Danish Girl

2015’s The Danish Girl tells the story of a kind of love nearly unprecedented for its early 20th century time. Eddie Redmayne stars as artist Lili Elbe, who was born Einar Wegener and is believed to be one of the first individuals to receive sexual reassignment surgery. The film follows Lili’s journey and her love with wife Gerda Wegener (Alicia Vikander).

When Gerda asks her husband to stand in for a female subject in her painting, Einar does so and quickly comes to terms with the gender identity he’s been suppressing. The newly confirmed Lili and Gerda navigate this new dimension of their relationship and Lili continues her work as a subject for Gerda’s now very much in demand paintings. 

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Beauty and the Beast

2017’s live-action version of Beauty and the Beast isn’t the best depiction of the classic fairy tale ever but that’s ok. It doesn’t have to be. All Bill Condon’s Beauty and the Beast really needed to be was a fun little dip into nostalgia with sumptuous visuals and a believable romance. On that front, everything goes according to plan.

Read more

Movies

Emma Watson on Beauty and the Beast: ‘I’m Very Grateful That This Character Exists’

By Don Kaye

TV

Beauty and the Beast Disney+ Prequel Series Set with Luke Evans and Josh Gad

By Joseph Baxter

Emma Watson stars as Belle and Dan Stevens is her beast. Belle heads off from her small French town to the Beast’s castle to rescue her father. What follows is Stockholm Syndrome: The Movie. But sexier. Beauty and the Beast really does look good and Watson and Stevens have just enough chemistry to make this a worthwhile romantic experience.

50 First Dates

50 First Dates has a somewhat disappointing Rotten Tomatoes score. Ignore that. It’s probably partially due to many critics’ distaste for at least one of the actors in the above screengrab. Not that they can be blamed. The presence of Adam Sandler or Rob Schneider in any comedy is rarely a good sign. In 50 First Dates‘, however, it’s not an issue at all. 

50 First Dates is a legitimately funny and romantic romantic comedy. Drew Barrymore stars as Lucy Whitmore, a woman with short-term memory loss. Due to a car accident, every day she wakes up believing it is October 13, 2002. Sandler’s character Henry Roth meets her in Hawaii and the two must overcome this bizarre condition to establish a lasting relationship.

Carol

Todd Haynes, director of Carol and Far From Heaven knows longing. And if there’s an element that makes for an excellent romantic movie experience its longing. That desperate sense is baked into nearly every frame of Carol. Based on a 1950s romance novel, Carol is the story of a young photographer (Rooney Mara) and an older woman going through a divorce (Cate Blanchette) undertaking a forbidden affair.

Forbidden because, you know, ’50s. And that’s where the longing comes in. Nothing is more romantic or sexier than a forbidden romance. Carol channels that romantic energy into something mature, fascinating and heartbreaking.

Silver Linings Playbook

Silver Linings Playbook is all about how generally terrible it is to be a Philadelphia Eagles fan. OK, fine – it’s only a little bit about that. This star-studded 2012 film from David O. Russell is more about the challenges in finding love when one isn’t sure they even love themselves.

Bradley Cooper stars as Pat Solitano Jr., a young man with bipolar disorder living with his parents after being released from a psychiatric hospital. Pat is determined to win back his ex-wife and to that end enlists the help of young widower Tiffany Maxwell (Jennifer Lawrence). The two become closer as they train for an upcoming dance competition and share their respective damages with one another.

Silver Linings Playbook works because Lawrence and Cooper have a real crackling chemistry. And they both just happen to be devastatingly, almost supernaturally attractive.

Runaway Bride

From stars Richard Gere and Julia Roberts to director Garry Marshall to conspicuous usage of enormous cell phones – Runaway Bride is an intensely ’90s film. And to the rightly organized mind, that just makes it the platonic ideal of a low-stress romantic comedy.

Roberts stars as Maggie Carpenter, an alluring young woman who has made a habit of leaving multiple fiancé’s at the altar. Gere is Ike Graham, a New York columnist seeking to tell the definitive story of this “runaway bride.” Runaway Bride is a charming experience that will make you think long and hard about how you really like your eggs prepared.

Loving

It feels reductive to call Loving a “romance” movie, as its more of a historical exploration of the very real, very tragic legacy of American racism. At its center, however, the film is about love.

Loving tells the story of Richard (Joel Edgerton) and Mildred Loving (Ruth Negga), a mixed-race Virginia couple challenging their state’s law against interracial marriage in the Supreme Court. The details of the Lovings struggle for basic human rights are astonishing. Edgerton and Negga’s empathetic performances make sure the film never loses sight of the humanity at play amid all the legal drama.

Always Be My Maybe

Everyone always talks about “the one who got away”, but what about “the one who was always kind of around”? 2019’s Always Be My Maybe tells of one such story.

Ali Wong (who wrote the film) stars as Sasha Tran and Randall Park stars as Marcus Kim. Marcus and Sasha grew up next door to each other and also embarked on a brief, ill-fated relationship in their teenage years. When Sasha returns to San Francisco to open a restaurant, she discovers that romantic energy remains between her and Marcus. But is that enough to spark love in the busy, chaotic adult world?

Always Be My Maybe has a lot to say about family and growth. It also features a truly winning performance from Keanu Reeves playing…Keanu Reeves.

The Kissing Booth

There’s an interesting dynamic at play in teenage romantic comedies. Oftentimes, the worse they are, the more watchable (and rewatchable) they become. The Kissing Booth is a prime example. Based on a book by the same name from Beth Reekles, The Kissing Booth isn’t exactly celebrated for its realistic portrayal of American teenagers.

Thanks to charming lead performances from Joey King, Jacob Elordi, and Joel Courtney, however, that doesn’t really matter. The Kissing Booth is all about how one girl’s first kiss turns into an emotional minefield of teen angst. That alone is enough to support 105 minutes of pure high school drama…and two sequels!

The post Best Romantic Movies on Netflix appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[jojiship]

Why Isak is my least favourite main in Skam OG?

Before some of you come here with pitchforks and insults, I just want to say a few things. First, this is my PERSONAL opinion. You can see from the title what this is about, so if you don’t agree with it, don’t read it. Second, I don’t hate Isak. He’s just not my favourite main in Skam OG and I think at times, he is overrated. I do like him, but I like the girls more than him and enjoyed their characters more. Also, in a show where William exists, who will hate Isak more than him? Now, let’s start with it. Third, his season is my second favourite out of all four, but Isak being main isn’t the reason why. 

.Sorry for any mistakes. English isn’t my first language. (Also, want to tag @poweratsea because they were interested to read this. I hope you enjoy it)

Most of the reasons I enjoy Isak the least out of the mains and dislike at some points, it’s his treatment of Eva. During season one, he annoyed me the first episodes. Both him and Jonas were condescending and mean to her when it came to her grades. In the first few episodes, they continuously make jabs about her intelligence, especially in the cabin episode. I always hate when characters do this to others, especially when the characters are men and the person whose intelligence they are mocking, is a woman. They did it too many times for my liking. 

I started to like Isak more as the season progressed. He seems to be there for Eva at times and I found that very cute. Boy, I was wrong. Isak knew what Jonas was doing. Everytime, he ‘helped’ Eva, he chose to make Eva’s insecurities about her relationship even worse. He manipulated Eva. The way he responded to her questions and treated her made her more insecure. While the relationship between Jonas and Eva was extremely fucked up, you can’t deny that Isak played a factor in that relationship’s downfall. His conversations with Eva, especially in the cabin episode, played such a big part in Eva thinking that Jonas was cheating on her with Ingrid. Eva trusted him and Isak returned that trust by manipulating and lying to her causing her to become more distrusting towards Jonas.

Eva trusts him with the secret that she kissed Penetrator Chris. Isak promised not to tell Jonas and he didn’t. He didn’t tell Jonas. No, he decided to tell the whole school that she hooked up with Penetrator Chris. Most importantly, he humiliated Eva and to an extent, he humiliated Jonas as well. I get that love makes us do stupid things, but nothing can excuse Isak’s actions. I don’t know if he thought about the consequences of what he did, but I’m sure that he knew they were going to be consequences that will hurt Eva. I just think he didn’t care about her. Let’s not forget that she was supposed to be a close friend of his. Who does that to their friend, huh? Someone who doesn’t care about them. He took a private matter and made it public to the rest of the school. It would have been better to tell Jonas what happened rather than what he did. He choose to tell everyone because not only did he want to break them up, he wanted to hurt them as well. No, you can’t change my mind about that. The fact that the fandom joke about this and call him a snake just blows my mind. Hold your favourites accountable for their shitty actions (especially since Isak never suffered the consequences of it). Also, Isak isn’t a snake, that action reminds me of a rat.

It pisses me off that after everything blows, he goes and comforts Eva. It makes the situation even worse. He goes and calls her weak for wanting to leave Nissen. How did he even have the audacity to do that? Of course, she was thinking about leaving. She was being treated horribly. She was getting letters written in period blood, was being called a slut by everyone and everyone was turning their backs on her. When Eva is told by Iben that it was Isak who did it, I wasn’t surprised. I didn’t expect anyone else to be. From the scene in the skate park, I knew he was going to rat her out. Though, it hurt that Eva didn’t expect him to do it. She was so shocked when she found out and that made the situation worse.

Eva does cut Isak some slack because of what happened with his dad. It’s understandable for her to do that. Isak didn’t need more problems at that point. When she faces him with the truth, he seems so unapologetic and doesn’t seem to care. His apology seems so fake in my eyes. It didn’t seem that he cared for what he did. He apologized three times to her. The only time I found some sense of sincerity in the apology was in season three (a year after all that happened). I didn’t know hoe Eva forgave him because if I was in her place, I would never have forgiven a friend who betrayed me like that. It would have been different if he told Jonas rather than the whole school. Also, I want to say that Eva acted quite shitty with Isak too in season 2. Her interest in his sexuality was just appalling and disgusting in my eyes. I get that he hurt her, but no one should meddle in someone’s private life no matter what.

Another thing that bothers me is that Jonas never found out what Isak did. Some of you probably will say that some things are left buried, but I disagree. I liked that Eva didn’t tell him, but I wanted Isak to tell him. I wanted Isak to be honest with his friend of years. In my eyes, the friendship between Jonas and Isak would never be good because of that. Imagine if you were in Jonas’ place. Wouldn’t you like to know something like that? I really wanted for Isak to tell Jonas what he did in season 3. I thought that he would one day, but it was never mentioned. It was forgotten until the last minutes of the last episode.I was disappointed because I wanted that to happen since season one. Jonas never found out that it was Isak who told everyone. He needed to be told that. He needed to know that his best friend told everyone that his girlfriend cheated on him. Yes, Isak did it because he was in love with Jonas and that would make things awkward. However, it’s better to live in awkwardness rather than in a lie. That’s why I never liked the dynamic between the boy squad that much. This big detail always bothered me. If Isak told Jonas, it would have shown more growth and development in Isak’s character. Also, let’s not forget that Jonas and Eva ended up together. Does that mean what Isak did was going to remain buried and unsaid forever? Probably. I hate that Isak  never suffered the consequences of what he did in season one. 

Also, when he points out to Eva why they have drifted apart in season three, it was so dumb. Maybe most of the fandom forgot what he did, but I sure as hell didn’t. The show made it seem like Eva did too. Isak, her close friend of years, betrayed her like that and Eva just shrugs about it. I wish there were more scenes with the two of them. I would have loved to see those scenes more than hearing Magnus talk about sex. I wish Isak offered her a proper apology. Even the one in season three that seemed the most sincere, lacked so much in my eyes.

Now, in Isak’s season, I started to like him more. Before it, I hated him and found him annoying. His season did make him look better in my eyes, but I’m still bothered by the fact that he never told Jonas what he did. Also, the fact that he started the season by trying to screw Eva all over again. We love consistency in characters. His relationship with Even was interesting and beautiful to watch, but Isak wasn’t as exciting as a main. I liked his relationship with his parents, but we didn’t get enough of that and his internal homophobia was handled well in my opinion. That’s it. Besides that, I wasn’t impressed by him, especially with all the lies he told with no regard of other people’s feelings and the way he used other people as well. His lies were lazy and he didn’t even think them through. I just hated when Isak (and Noora in her season) constantly lied and sometimes, for no reason at all. 

In the fourth season, Isak was just a fanservice prop in my eyes. He and Even became one in season four and all of their troubles was just forgiven. Honestly, I forgot that Even suffered from bipolar disorder in season four. I wonder if Julie Andem did too. It was as if Even’s MI was cured by being in a relationship with Isak. Also, the bench scene with Sana wasn’t IT in my opinion.

That’s all I have to say about Isak. The fact that most of his actions had no real consequences pissed me off. He could and should have been written better. Y’all cal Noora a Mary Sue when Isak is right there.

[isrustandstardust]

1. What’s been the best day of your life so far and why?

Hard to decide, I had so many great days.

2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?

It was with my best friend at the time, in my parents garden. It was early morning after a night spent talking, her lips were really soft.

3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?

I could have handled a break up better. I ended up hurting someone I cared for.

4. When was the last time you laughed so hard that tears fell from your face and what was it at?

With my husband, yesterday night. We were actually making fun of someone we know.

5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?

Moving in with a guy I barely knew in a city 400km away from all my family and friends.

6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

Nothing comes to mind rn.

7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?

I have my arms covered in scars. All of them are from self harming.

8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?

In another house, maybe abroad.

9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?

I’m for the free of choice. I’ve tried drugs only a few times and not drinking atm.

10. What are your views on religion?

Brainwashing shit.

11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?

Yes, more than once. I tried, twice, when I was 21 and going through a lot. The second time I almost succeeded and woke up in the hospital after being unconscious and intubated for a week.

12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.

- I am bipolar, borderline and have a schizoafective disorder.

- I dream about Satan and the end of the world on daily basis.

- When I was little I used look for little animals to bury and exhume after a while to see how decomposition works.

- I’ve been into witchcraft and rituals since I was 16.

- I write backwards like Leonardo Da Vinci.

13. What’s your zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality?

I’m a Scorpio and it fits perfectly.

14. Pinpoint a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

When my storyboard teacher remembered me from my online test because it was a perfect score.

15. Discuss your first love.

We were young and trying too hard.

16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 5 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.

- Don’t mess with me - Brody Dalle. It’s from the soundtrack of a game I love.

- Distance - 4bidden. It relaxes me.

- As the rain comes down - 0K(ill)’s. Because I’m working on their new videoclip.

- 8-MQ 16.10.2001 - 0K(ill)’s. Because it’s inspired by an Italian female serial killer. The title is composed by her initials and date of death.

- Rock and Roll - Gary Glitter. It makes me want to misbehave.

17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

Iceland.

18. What’s your earliest memory?

My dad taking me to Collodi.

19. What are your views on mainstream music?

It’s heartless and all about making money.

20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?

High: starting officially my character designer career. Low: my mother in law and old dog passing away in less than a month.

21. What are your strongest beliefs?

I believe in being direct and honest. Do no harm but take no shit.

22. Who are you closest to in your family?

My dad maybe.

23. How important do you think education is?

It’s fundamental.

24. What’s one of your favorite shows?

My 600lbs life XD

25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

I’m more secure of myself and my capabilities.

26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.

- Tom Hiddleston.

- Mads Mikkelsen.

- Hugh Dancy.

- Michael Fassbender.

- Matthew Good.

27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.

3 Iron, in the mood for love. Because they’re sad but huntingly beautiful.

Stoker because psycho killers turn me on.

The fountain because is eternal and heartbreaking.

28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?

I am fascinated by fictional characters. Like Hannibal Lecter. Yeah, again psycho killers.

29. What kind of person attracts you?

Intelligent people.

30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?

My body is giving up on me xD

31. Name something that you miss.

The lake.

32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.

- Doing at least 15 designs.

- Double up my workout time.

- Completing my very first song.

- Take that online course I’ve been postponing for lack of time.

- Get a hold of a camera and go shooting.

33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point?

Highlight: doing a shit ton of sales on my shop. Lowest point: I don’t recall one, it’s been a pretty good month so far.

34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?

Being the side chick.

35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?

Not being good enough. It can be traced back to my mom being a terrible mother.

36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?

- Natacha Atlas - GAFSA. Because it’s in the soundtrack of 3Iron.

- Morcheeba - Over and over again. I find I’d perfectly fitting.

- Portishead - Wandering star. Because it remembers me of someone from my past.

37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?

I had a plush of a rhino called Mr. Turkelton [Scrubs reference] that was so dear to me. It’s with my ex, we bought it together and he kept it. Still miss him tho.

38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death?

My mother in law. She was more of a mom to me than my own mother.

39. What is your purpose in life?

Being happy and create beautiful things.

40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?

I do not remember, but I guess it was during my mil’s funeral.

41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do?

I would love to spend a day with the Mass Effect’s cast playing the game!

42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?

Tool. Because I’m a masochist.

43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.

Likes:

- Being open minded.

- Being stubborn.

- Being so will powered.

Dislikes:

- Being insecure.

- Being so unable to handle rage that I keep extremely calm until the moment I explode and get cruel and violent.

- Being unable to let go of things that enrage me.

44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make?

I’m pretty good at it. I love to make fresh pasta.

45. What was the last decision you regretted making?

Drinking that glass of milk, now my stomach hurts.

46. Who’s opinion of yourself do you value the most?

Mine. And then my husband’s. I don’t care of no one else’s opinion.

47. What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever said to another human being and what drove you to say it?

I demolished a guy who was in love with me telling him exactly what I knew it would break him. I did it because he tried to act like I was his property and then got aggressive when I didn’t act accordingly.

48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?

Nasty things don’t get to me, I don’t listen to what people say, especially when it comes from someone I don’t care for or I despise. The things that hurt me the most was saying goodbye to someone I was not ready to let go.

49. You can ask your favourite celebrity 3 questions and she’s taken a magical truth pill so she will 100% answer honestly, what do you ask?

Maybe some technical stuff, Idk. I have no ‘favorite celebrity ‘ so...

50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?

I don’t care about leaving a mark in a dying world tbh.

51. What makes you most angry?

Liars, incoherent people, delusional people, copycats.

52. Who do you think is a really underrated artist and what do you love about them?

There are a lot of really underrated artists out there trying their very best and being bashed by online algorithms. Support the artists you like!

53. What are the main qualities you look for when thinking about a significant other?

Intelligence, honesty and having moral values.

54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?

The first that comes to mind is waiting at home for me to return with a hot bath ready and a bed full of rose petals. It’s a cliche,Iknow. But I was young and in love.

55. What is one of your favorite memories?

I have so many, but thinking about the past makes me feel bittersweet.

56. What do you do when you really want to impress someone?

I just act normal, if they’re impressed, good. If not, it’s ok.

57. What are your 3 favourite animals and why?

- Snakes: They’re so fascinating.

- Crows: they’re extremely intelligent.

- Sharks: natural born predators.

58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?

A trip to Paris and a trip to Disneyland.

59. People always go around saying ‘oh I’m their biggest fan’, but what does being a truly big fan of someone mean to you?

Idk, I just like people. I don’t obsess over them.

I obsess over things I like, but not over some individual I don’t know.

60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?

I want more money XD

61. What is something you feel like you are really good at?

Drawing. Hopefully making music, but it’s way to early to say.

62. What is something you feel like you can get better at?

Drawing, there’s always room for improving.

63. What is something you feel like you are really bad at?

Hiding when I despise someone. And bowling.

64. If you were given $3,000,000 to put towards 3 charities/foundations ($1 mil each obvs), what would you choose and why?

Wildlife protection, animal shelters, planet’s preservation.

65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?

My roommates came back from Xmas holidays one day earlier to have dinner with me because I was alone. And another brought me Xmas dinner a few days before.

66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?

I work :/

67. What’s something that’s on your bucket list?

Make a nice home studio.

68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?

I would actually change the opponent party. They’re dreadful.

69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?

Xmas, because it feels like happiness.

70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you rememer even though they were a complete stranger.

A stranger helped me when my nose was bleeding like crazy and I was alone in a mall. He also bought me an orange juice.

71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?

Motoko Kusanagi.

72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?

Reptile - NIN. Don’t know why.

73. Put the 7 deadly sins in order of the one you commit the most to the least.

Wrath - Lust - Pride - Sloth - Greed - Gluttony - Envy.

74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?

I’m already married and we danced over Christian Woman by Type 0 Negative XD

75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?

Someone told me I look like Butterfly from Death Proof and like Amy Lee from Evancescence.

I really don’t see it.

76. What’s one thing you can not live without?

Art. And music.

77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?

Going away.

78. Do you hate someone.

No, I dislike a lot of people, I think the world would be better off if some of them would die, it I do not hate them.

79. What are 3 things that have happened in your life that you’ve never forgotten? Big or small, just things you know you won’t ever forget and still seem crystal clear now.

- Almost dying.

- Getting married.

- Signing for my very first house.

80. What comes first to you out of friendships and relationships, and why?

They’re equally important.

81. What’s your favourite children’s tv show/movie?

Muppets: a Christmas Carol.

82. What song makes you cry the most?

Together we will live forever - Clint Mansell.

83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?

Operation Petticoat.

84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?

Trying human flesh.

85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?

A lot. Just, a lot.

86. What’s your biggest fear?

Being abandoned.

87. What is your favorite food?

Red meat, pistachio ice cream.

88. Least favorite food? Why?

Celery.

89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why?

Not that I recall of.

90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?

I always keep a journal, I write in it pretty much everything, dreams, feelings, ideas, thoughts.

91. When was the last time you said something nice to someone & what made you do it?

This morning to my husband, because he deserves it.

92. How do you feel when someone says something mean/disrespectful towards your fave celeb?

Couldn’t care less? Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, even if it’s a shitty one.

93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?

Milena Quaglini’s.

94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?

Violante, Lavinia and Artemisia.

95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?

I have two. Valeria and Maria.

96. How did your name get chosen? What’s the story behind it?

My dad found it in a sci-fi book back when he was a teenager. It was the name of the first baby girl born on the moon.

97. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for each of your faves e.g. waiting in line for hours, getting up early to see them on tv etc?

I watched a streaming reunion in the middle of the night on N7 day.

98. Are you a virgin?

No.

99. What are the stories behind your tattoos/piercings and if you don’t have any, would you like any?

I have wings because I’ve always been obsessed with winged figures and angels.

I have a lot of movies/books quotes because they all means something to me.

I have cherry petals because of Hagakure.

The snowflake is the reminder of a very important person.

The moth is for my self destructive tendencies.

The witch is a homage to me.

The strawberry is a silly Adventure Time reference.

The snake is a biblical reference to both Lilith and Satan.

The Santa Muerte and the black goat are both linked to my beliefs.

100. Do you want to say something to the world?

Stop being stupid, stop making stupid people famous, open a book.

[cinderllas-archived]

i was tagged by @romanoft​ thank you so much, love!! ♡

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? like a 5, maybe

describe yourself in a hashtag? #snksnksnks

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? chris evans 100%

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? tonight: disappointment live!

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? that i lowkey think i’m bipolar

what’s your wake up ritual? get up, pee, wash my face + brush teeth then check phone

what’s your go to bed ritual? the exact same thing as my wake up routine lmao

what’s your favorite time of day? like after dinner, around 6-7 pm

your go to for having a good laugh? old vine compilations 

dream country to visit? the uk! all my family on my mum’s side is in england 

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? i honestly can’t think of anything 

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers over all, but i do love heels

vintage or new? overall, vintage.. but also depends what it’s for

who do you want to write your obituary? my sister

style icon? blair waldorf or rachel green (yes, fictional characters)

what are three things you cannot live without? family, food, phone

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? pepper

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? george mackay, robert downey jr., jennifer aniston 

what’s your biggest fear in life? losing my loved ones

window or aisle seat? window

what’s your current tv obsession? big little lies

favorite app? probs insta tbh, also a game app called charades!

secret talent? i can cross only one eye while the other eye looks straight

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? road trip to north carolina in the middle of winter and got stuck on an uphill turnpike at 3 am lmao

how would you define yourself in three words? anxious, stressed, content 

favorite piece of clothing you own? beige knit oversized turtleneck sweater

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? black booties

a superpower you would want? invisibility and/or to speak to animals

what’s inspiring you in life right now? honestly not a whole lot lmfaoo

best piece of advice you’ve received? this too shall pass

best advice you’d give your teenage self? don’t get caught up in popularity it literally means nothing

a book everyone should read? the outsiders

what would you like to be remembered for? for being a great person

how do you define beauty? just by being yourself, doing things for you and no one else

what do you love most about your body? my lips they’re quite pouty 

best way to take a rest/decompress? face masks, hair washes, naps, read

favorite place to view art? galleries/museums

if your life was a song, what would the title be? i’m still standing

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano or violin

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i already have 5, but the next one i want under my boob

dolphins or koalas? dolphin

what’s your spirit animal? i took a quiz and got deer.. so deer lmao

best gift you’ve ever received? first pair of ray ban sunglasses from my sister

best gift you’ve given? record player to my mum this past christmas

what’s your favorite board game? clue

what’s your favorite color? pale pink + pale purple, but also nudes

least favorite color? like neon yellow lmao (well any bright, neon colours tbh)

diamond or pearls? diamond

drugstore makeup or designer? lately drugstore but a few years ago i’d say designer

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? both, but lately more so coffee

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? kerfuffle lmao

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk chocolate 

stairs or elevators? stairs lmao

summer or winter? winter

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? poutine

a dessert you don’t like? mm anything with coconut 

a skill you’re working on mastering? patience 

best thing to happen to you today? dad gave me the $20 he owes me lmaaao

worst thing to happen to you today? i lost in cards :(

best compliment you’ve ever received? someone called me ethereal once 

favorite smell? warm vanilla

hugs or kisses? mmm both, but i like to be embraced so hugs >>

if you made a documentary, would it be about? history, probably about world war 2

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? watched the fault in our stars the other night lmao

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? savory

girl crush? jennifer aniston

how do you know your in love? i wouldn’t know

a song you can listen to on repeat? piano man by billy joel, the scientist by coldplay

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? meryl streep

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? honestly nothing right now.. i get excited thinking about my europe trip in a few years though!

tagging: @leosdicapros​ @keiraknighlty​ @cllianmurphy​ @kristnbell​ @remusjlvpins​ @asterieas​ @discovering​ @romanocff​ @allanpoe​ @horaceslughorn​ @obiliviate​ @omensgood​ @lahnister​ @florenepugh​ @fnnpoe​ @emmaewatson​ @czynchs​ @ohwarnette​ @alinagenya @dicaprios @isakvattersen @lunslovegood @oceanvs @verafarmiga @gamoora + anyone else who wants to do this! xx

[martykirkby]

Any holby or casualty episodes you’d recommend rewatching? Idm how old, thanks :)

(i’m gonna put this under a read more bc it got way longer than i intended it too and you didn’t even ask for descriptions i’m just incapable of being concise ever sorry! i bolded the titles so you don’t have to read it all)

okay so it depends what characters you care about, bc my answers would be different based on who your faves are, so these are my faves to rewatch (but will probs be super biased towards my fave characters)! obvs i’m not saying watch all of them (unless you want to) but i’ve included reasons why i like them so you can decide based on what you enjoy.

holby (i’ve only watched from s16 with a little of s15 and s6 so it’s gonna start there):

intuition (16x11)- dom’s first episode back after his guest stint, and adele’s first ep! this is the first episode i watched when i started watching holby properly bc i was impatient and wanted to get to the dom scenes so i haven’t watched most of the s16 episodes before it but i would probably say watch 16x10 as well bc that’s when jac gives birth and this ep has a lot of scenes about her and emma.

prince among men (16x16)- raf’s first ep in which he’s v v iconic and also i love dom, zosia and arthur and frustrated mentor sacha and there’s that woman who’s like in love with a mummy until she finds out it was a female mummy. also jac and emma!!

one small step (16x42)- again i LOVE the keller trio, this is the first ep where they really bond even if it’s over a super traumatic experience w zosia. and connie crosses over for the first time since she joined casualty, which i rlly liked.

star of wonder (17x10)- a really important episode for zosia’s character and her bipolar sl! also i like christmas episodes

the ides of march (17x32)- another big ep for zosia and the one where she decides to move to darwin

beautiful (17x45)- dom taking a level students on a tour of the hospital and bonding w one of them and quoting that christina aguilera song... i love him

at first i was afraid (17x50)- dom and arthur roadtrip! the karaoke scene! frieda as a patient! elliot’s exit ft some really nice scenes w him and jac!

left behind (18x05)- i just really like all three storylines, i’ve rewatched the mo and wiliam sl a few times just bc i like mo and this ep is the last one of that sl and it’s my fave of them, and you can watch it as a standalone if you already know what’s happened in the eps beforehand.

blue christmas (18x11)- the only one i’ve seen where jac’s past is rlly talked about bc it’s the one where fran reveals they know each other. apart from that it is just a nice christmas ep and i really like all the other storylines going on.

young hearts, run free (18x13)- the ep where dom arthur and morven have to do some scavenger hunt thing in the woods!! and dom has a chicken called henriketta!! that’s reason enough to watch it 500 times tbh

one under (18x21)- for some reason arthur’s patient sl haunts me, but i think it is a rlly good (but sad) ep for arthur as he comes to terms with his cancer test

it tolls for thee (18x31)- arthur and morven’s wedding and i love them

i’ll walk you home (18x35)- arthur’s last ep (as not a figment of someone’s imagination) and it’s devastating but the episode is so so well done and i watch it whenever i need to cry

another day in paradise, parts one and two (18x38 and 18x39)- i just really like all the different storylines in these eps, the patient sl is like. wild and there’s focus on jac being a mother and dom’s grief and sacha and essie i just rlly like them

protect and serve (18x47)- this is the one after the helicopter crash in casualty so i always watch it after watching that one. it’s a good episode that focuses more on the characters than the storylines and i love the crossovers too.

i do, i do, i do (19x13)- an episode in which a main character’s daughter dies has absolutely no right being as funny as this, but the derwood/inga wedding is so so funny and also rlly sweet at the end and the contrast with the elinor storyline is wild (and also something i wish holby would do more often bc recently they’ve done like three depressing storylines in one ep)

the hard way home (19x35)- tbh the main reason i’ve rewatched this ep so much is for dofty which obvs i don’t care about anymore, but it’s also a really good ep just for dom w his steroid addiction and the anniversary of arthur’s death. and it’s damon’s first ep and i miss him

group animal, parts one and two (19x61 and 19x62)- the shooting eps which i also watch when i wanna feel sad, but also they are just really good episodes in general

also the last two eps of s19 after the shooting bc i’m incapable of not watching the aftermath

i haven’t rewatched any s20 or s21 eps except when giffing so i can’t rlly recommend any there

casualty (for some of these just pretend that lofty never existed on holby and his character was never destroyed):

next of kin, parts one and two (26x15 and 26x16)- the second ep is more exciting but you need the first one for context, it’s just classic high stakes drama, the entire ed was on fire bc they stopped filming in bristol so they were like yeah let’s completely destroy the set! and it’s ruth and jay’s last episodes.

duty of care (26x17)- also high stakes drama, tom’s first episode and the first ep filmed in cardiff. there’s a poisonous gas leak AND an explosion.

love is (26x23)- danny dyer did more acting in this one (1) episode than he has his entire career on eastenders i swear. i didn’t expect to get so emo about it.

the ‘ricochet’ eps (26x25, 26x26, 26x27)- casualty didn’t hold back with these eps. they’re v good eps (s26 has some of casualty’s best episodes imo) but a LOT about gang violence and a trigger warning for rape in the second one.

zero sum game (26x39)- fletch’s first episode! i mainly like it bc of that but it’s also fun to see how much lloyd hates him at first.

the #holbyriot eps (26x41 and 26x42)- definitely some of the most tense episodes casualty’s ever done, back when they cared about social issues like police brutality.

rabbits in headlights (27x17)-  the first episode for robyn, jamie and aoife (and ally but she leaves the next ep). i love seeing how far robyn in particular has come, and i loved jamie and aoife as well and seeing them as tiny dumbass students is fun.

unsilenced (27x31)- the fgm storyline, again when casualty used to care about social issues. it’s really well-written, i think.

once there was a way home, parts one and two (28x01 and 28x02)- this is ramin’s first appearance and i love him and jamie and the way jamie basically risked his entire job to help him. the first one is also rita’s first ep!

carrot not stick (28x35)- this one has a patient from 28x33 in, but you don’t need to have rewatched that one to get the gist. lofty and dixie take said patient to visit his dying mother and they go to the beach. they sing dolly parton. lofty steals a puppy. it’s just a really nice episode imo

born lucky (29x05)- this is a sad one, but i really like the relationships between the staff in this one, and i think it was a good final episode for jeff.

entrenched (29x09)- casualty said football fans don’t deserve rights and also lofty makes some points about the futility of war. michael spence is in this episode!

deadfall (29x10), the road not taken (29x26), holby sin city (29x39)- i’m grouping these together bc they’re all the ‘holby noir’ standalone episodes and if you wanna watch one ep and not have to worry about the long running storylines, they work. they’re also completely insane and v fun imo. the road not taken is my fave.

a child’s heart, parts one and two (30x01 and 30x02)- i’m not a fan of it focusing so much on charlie’s life story, but i love episodes just after a crisis and especially when one of the team is in danger bc you really see how much the staff all care about each other. these eps also have the start of louise’s storyline where she switches from a receptionist to a nurse.

high tide (30x27)- lofty’s last episode, jez’s first, and it’s also a really good episode for cal and ethan. and although i don’t really care about any of them except jez anymore, i still think this is a good episode to rewatch just to see like. them as characters.

too old for this shift (31x01)- this is the feature length episode so like. it might not be ideal to rewatch but again it’s the helicopter crash episode, so you really see the staff pull together which i love, and there are appearances from jac and fletch, and video calls from people who have left the show. like i said, it goes with protect and serve on holby so i usually rewatch those together.

mobile (31x27)- i literally just rewatched this episode last night which is why i’m thinking about it, but it’s a really good ep and it’s the one where robyn gives birth and her scenes with david are so well acted. they also link all three stories in some way to mobile phones which i thought was cool.

5 days (31x28)- i love robyn so i really love this episode. there’s a lot of character development imo, from being in denial and optimistic to realising how bad charlotte’s situation is and struggling to cope, to accepting how it is and being there for her as a mother.

one (31x44)- the plot is okay, it’s not something i’d be particularly interested to rewatch apart from the fact it’s filmed in one shot which makes it fun to rewatch.

32x19- max’s last episode and we find out a lot about him! and ofc there’s the zoe and max reunion and i just really like max in this episode.

32x21- bea’s first ep and i love her, also really shows how much a real ed has to cope with and has alicia start the anonymous blog which is v iconic of her.

i haven’t really rewatched any eps that aired after this specifically for one ep (i’ve rewatched every episode jade and marty and archie have been in but i don’t always care about the eps themselves)

[brightsun-and-darkmidnight]

Changes to Find the Middle

TITLE: Changes to Find the Middle

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Oneshot

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki helping you through a new medication regimen.

+

Image meeting Loki at the really "good/high" end of a mental illness (like bipolar).

RATING:  Teen

NOTES/WARNINGS: Mental health. Bipolar disorder. Manic to depression. Sexual relationship. Mentions of sex but no explicit content. Character not being herself. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Please be careful and take care of yourself. This might be a little triggering due to what I know of Bipolar disorder. Extreme highs (hypomania) and extreme lows (depression) are shown in this but thankfully this has a happy ending I wish everyone could experience in real life. Mental health is so important and People who have mental health issues often can not control themselves due to a chemical imbalance or traumatic experience in their life. Their behavior is often NOT their fault. Seek professional help if needed.

Song Muses: (Addicted by Saving Able) (You don't know by Katelyn Tarver) (Rescue Me by Onerepublic) (Inner demons by Julia Brennan) (Paralyzed by NF)

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

LENGTH: 2,413

*FINALLY..Read the warnings. Once you agree you can handle it...

 ~ ~ ENJOY  ~ ~

"How has your energy been? You look good."

I sat down enthusiastically in front of the doctor's desk, "really good! I have the energy to catch up with things now that a couldn't even think about doing a few months ago."

"That's very good. Are you hanging out with your friends again? I remember our last visit you said you missed them."

"Yeah I took your advice and told them. Only two of my friends are close now but they took me out of my house occasionally and I am feeling more confident with myself because of them."

"I am happy to hear that." The doctor smiled at me.

I talked really fast because my doctor needed to hear more, "Their friends got me into one of Stark's parties and it was… amazing. I met this new guy actually."

"You guys do anything fun?"

"We met at the party and things really sparked. Like REALLY sparked and we see eachother everyday." I did not leave the suggestive tone out of my voice.

"That's good. Go on dates?"

Excitement lit in me at the thought of all the amazing sex we had… but other than the few drinks he bought me and the takeout dinner… 

The doctor glanced at me, their look shifted… something shifted and I already knew what was wrong.

"Umm… well.." I rubbed my thigh out of nerves just THINKING about it. Just the thought of the gynecology appointment for STI testing I should get done. I cleared my throat as I awkwardly answered, "there's more… action going on than casual conversations." 

My face flushed with heat when they asked,

"You mean sexual intercourse?"

I nodded my head. 

I knew. Everyone that actually knew "normal" me… All of us KNEW I never have sex with anyone until a month a serious dating, at least. The type of dating where discussions were deeper things than food, half watched movies, and how our outward appearances looked naked. I never sexted when I couldn't actually meet the other.

The doctor carefully asked the famous question, "Have you used protection?"

I tried to laugh but it came out broken. "No. Once again I felt invincible, overconfident, and had the sex drive of a rabbit."

The doctor started to discuss my sleep that was nonexistent. Then the amount of food consumption that was high and all I have been eating was cheap takeout. I haven't been eating like my usual self who tried to keep eating healthy. Even through depression I ate frozen fruit. It was on my list every time when I absolutely had to drag myself to the store to get necessities. I explained how I have been the person who, "helps everyone out with extreme unrealistic enthusiasm" as I always said to be annoying during my normal window of mind set.

I went to the store to pick up my prescription for a mood stabilizer. I went home and as much as I REALLY wanted to answer the phone when seeing Loki's name. I just didn't. I forced the thought from my mind of...a really pleasure filled night. My body filled with the desire to be touched by another's body.

The phone stopped ringing and so did my sinful thoughts.

As usual there was no voicemail.

In normal circumstances there should have been one, with a declaration of loving longing or a stupid question in a way to just get me to get back in contact.

I stared at my phone. My mind was at war and the part fueled by my bodily behavior was winning. It became a game in my head that was unfavorably tipped towards my body's desire. He texted me if he could come to my place and the game was over. I hid the medication in the cupboard after taking my first dose.

I woke in an odd way… something was different.

I groaned as I moved and felt the bed still warm under my body. I opened my eyes as I inhaled at a similar scent. I was unsure if I was glad he was gone or upset he seemed to have just left. He usually stayed till I woke. I felt the sensation between my legs and knew I needed to make a gynecologist appointment before I had to go to work, praying I could get in after my shift tomorrow.

I made the appointment but it was not for a few days and Loki kept in contact. However I worked on letting him go slowly with not responding immediately and was to the point of making sure not to respond to him unless there were so many number of attempts to contact me.

I stared at my phone as a new text message appeared.

Loki asked a simple question, "Are you ok?"

I laughed and laughed till I could no longer bare to do it.

It WAS a simple question but no one ever wanted the real answer. No one wanted the burdens of another placed on their shoulders from SMALL talk. The truth was deeper and more time consuming than anyone could predict. So I sent the simple one worded lie and left my phone alone again, but silenced it.

It was a while before I checked my phone due to falling asleep to the discovery channel.

I was fully prepared for no new notifications.

I was surprised to see 2 new messages.

I wanted to throw the phone before I looked but the idea was squashed by excitement and curiosity.

Both of the messages from Loki.

"Do you want to meet up?"

Hour after the last message, "talk tomorrow. Goodnight."

I didn't answer back because my stomach tightened in an odd way. I was used to feeling good about a God wanting me but now...

I used positive self talk to encourage myself to not give in on my final day before my tests but that coping skill is easily the hardest to master. I found myself open the chat with him, start to type something arousing and had to delete it. I was pissing myself off. I hated the stage between "normal me" and "ill me" because my mind was constantly at war.

I decided to ultimately block Loki's number in an attempt to stop contact.

My test results came back that I was still healthy and relief washed over me..

Eventually those supposed friends stopped talking to me as they usually did because I was not "fun" anymore.

I was becoming my "normal" self again, thus putting in the efforts of a healthy schedule again.

However, the loneliness from staying in by myself. Not having anyone to talk to. Ofcourse, I had my coworkers that have always openly laughed at poor tastes of mental health jokes. I was losing interest in everything because, "why should I care" and "what's the point?"

I had to look presentable for work so while I was "public eye" ready, I did my shopping then. By the time I got home on the days of the extremely scarce necessity shopping, I was exhausted but my body was wide awake. I would toss and turn trying to sleep but it would not welcome me.

Then other times, I put the cold stuff away and went straight to bed without getting anything to consume. I would often cry myself to sleep, then wake too tired to do anything. 

On days off I would lay in bed and do nothing until the desire to use the toilet became too strong.

I would weep and mourn my favorite past times. Not actually my interests and hobbies but how much I could not will myself to just do them. I left the discovery channel play on the TV just for the sake of something familiar. When a little fact I knew would be mentioned it was like a smoldering campfire was stirred. 

A little life breathed into me from time to time and due to the doctor's recommendation, I got back into therapy again. It helped but the talks were hard and seemed to weigh heavily on me more once I was home. There are skills I should be using and strategic tips to get things done. However, sometimes I just could not pull the will into my grasp to participate in the knowledge of a healthy lifestyle.

My phone rang with an unknown number. I answered it due to expecting a response from my doctor.

"How have you been?"

I knew that voice… but I could not pinpoint it.

I answered, "I'm ok. But who is this?"

"Loki."

"Oh…" I scrambled for words but nothing came. How was I supposed to explain this to him, my current state in everything and the fact I blocked his number?

"Are you home?"

"I was just about to leave." It was a lie. 

A damn terrible lie. I had no plans of removing myself from my couch. It had everything I needed in arms reach because it was essentially my comfort fort now.

The doorbell rang and I was extremely tempted to act like I was not home but the person on the other end of the phone knew.

I sighed with dread ringing in my chest much like the damned sound of company at my door insistent on not giving up.

I opened the door slightly to see Loki standing there.

His eyes met mine.

"You do not seem ok." Echoed from my phone before he ended the call.

I looked past Loki because while it might have once been excitement, I felt anything but that currently.

I tried to push my words out louder than a whisper, "What are you doing here?"

"I have been trying to contact you.. more regularly as of recently."

"I have no intention of being a booty call anymore."

His eyebrows scrunched and he blinked.

I went to shut the door as I said, "goodbye Loki."

Loki's hand shot out and kept the door opened. "You were never."

I huffed in annoyance as hope rose slightly in my chest. Then the doubts from depression took that hope and buried it 20 feet further than before. Tears pricked my eyes after the past hour of seeming to be gone and dried.

Loki's face was of concern when he asked, "may I come in?"

My face felt like it contorted into pure agony as I tried to hide the sob erupting from my aching heart. I tried to swallow the huge lump in my throat but it caused further pain. Then finally from the pain that emitted from deep within me, the tears fell.

I was in the hurricane of emotion from having a visitor.

Joy from not being alone then, to the horror of having to explain.

There was too much to explain... My reason for treating him so vastly different since we met. My emotional state. All my emotions. My appearance of myself and my house. The medication on the counter that had purpose. My illness and why once again I was crying harder. Trying to explain what was WRONG with me and why I needed the medication.

Loki sat beside me at the messy and cluttered kitchen table.

"What do you mean you were 'too good' at the time we met?"

I sniffed but still had to wipe my nose. "It's a symptom of bipolar disorder. I can literally feel too good at some points of my life. I had unbelievable amounts of confidence and optimism. It's called hypomania. That's not who I am. I am much-MUCH more responsible than getting drunk and having unprotected sexual intercourse with someone I know nothing about on an intellectual level."

I watched Loki's tongue swipe his lips as they pressed together and eyebrows scrunched again in thought.

Finally he spoke, "Your vast knowledgeable facts from our FIRST conversation have been playing on that TV throughout our conversation. I can see several things that show your bright mind. The very mind I fell for."

My eyes glanced at him once again. "My knowledge does not change. Just the optimism, focus, and desire for it."

Things seemed to be clicking in Loki's mind. He looked at the medications once again and did not take his eyes off of them. "If you continue your treatment, you will be what you deem normal?"

A small smile pulled my lips as a puff of air escaped from my amusement. "Yes. What I deem as normal. Not anyone else meaning I will be back to my healthy self... If I could remember to take my medicine."

"I am going to help you because I want to see the happy medium that you keep mentioning. It seems that I have seen you at all of your worst moments." He gave me a side glance with a smile pulling at his lips, "I assume there is something I must like out of your normal."

I began to smile but a frown quickly placed it. "There is no telling when I will be normal again."

Gold shimmered over my medication.

"Perhaps now it will become easier to stay on your medication regimen."

I grabbed a bottle and examined it once there was no longer gold around it. "What did you do?"

"I will know where these containers are and be able to move them. I will also know when you open them." He got the spare phone out of his pocket, "should I not be able to contact you again through phone, I will simply move these containers to you."

I felt a little happier as I teased, "I guess simply blocking your number is not going to work anymore?"

Loki smiled, "There are plenty of other numbers I could use."

Loki did help me. There had to be a little adjustment to his plan of keeping track of my medicine. He bought a specific little container made for sorting pills into daily doses. He would help me fill the daily spots for medication and he put another enchantment on that one as well. 

Everyday he would come to my place and help with things that needed to be done. He would compliment me when I needed it. He would hold me when medication would make me drowsy. He would urge me to eat when I did not want to. He helped me make healthier choices when I wanted to devour the whole house.

He actually took me to nice restaurants when I felt decent enough to get out.

He would always know everything about my medication and with him being able to literally hold it in my face at any point in the day… well there was no longer the option to forget.

Loki was the constant supply of water to my thirst for knowledge. Due to that type of relationship we really connected. Like really connected. We talked about everything to varying levels of importance and on both ends were voicemails with ridiculous ways to entice the other to call back.

Sometimes I would purposely ignore his calls just to see what the next stupid thing would be left in my mailbox… I listened to the recent one just left on my phone a minute ago.

"I know your games by now, so call me back. ...My declarations of love can wait until you tell me what sweet thing I am craving. I am at the store, so do hurry up before I decide to buy 5 of everything in the candy isle." There was a faint sound of the typical background noise in a store. "Please hurry… I fear I am going to need a bigger cart."

[things-we-used-tc-share]

Said it was the last time, last time

Title from Fallin’ (temptation) by grandson. 

Warnings: Running away from home, undiagnosed mental illness, brief descriptions of suicidal thoughts and manic depression, smoking, abusive home lives

Ship: Prinxiety

Plot: It’s not the first time Patton has woken up to find his son has run away again, but it’s the time that makes him break. (Vent!fic) Virgil and Patton are both bipolar, Roman has a hyperactivity disorder, Logan is a cop.

--

6am, the wind rolls down the street in shades of pinks and reds, the turn of the streets opens into warm air, and Virgil Sanders hurtles down the middle of the road on a bike that isn’t his. The sheer euphoria and adrenaline he gets from this intertwine with the guilt of seeing his father’s face when he eventually gets back home, eventually, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week, maybe in a month. He’ll say it’s the last time, and then he’ll do it again.

But he knows he won’t understand. How could he possibly understand what Virgil himself does not understand? The quiet streets feel like home, the knife in his pocket feels like safety and the bridge at the end of their town looks like an inviting way to die. How does a son tell his fathers that despite how wonderful they are he can’t stop thinking about dangling head first into a pile of rocks? Or setting fire to something or stealing someone’s bike, or setting himself on fire, or all of the above. At once. 

--

2am, Virgil sits on the bridge with a cigarette and watches the waves as they lap against rocks that would be a death wish to jump onto. A car drives past and he startles just a little, the car stops. Lazily, Virgil contemplates the fact he might be about to die, he hopes they let him finish his cigarette first. 

Instead, wordlessly, someone else clambers up on the railings and sits down on the edge “I thought I’d be alone tonight,” The stranger says, lighting his own cigarette “But I suppose death with company is better than no death at all,” Virgil snorts at this, shaking his head. 

“It’s probably better no death at all is involved,” He swings his legs back over the railings and slides to the concrete ground “I’d be a number one murder suspect, and I don’t think tonight is the night I pop my clogs, come on Socrates, time to get off that ledge,” The stranger obliges and watches the water from safety, smoking and exhaling in a slow and careful rhythm. “My name’s Virgil,”

“Roman,” 

“Nice car,”

“Thanks, it’s my dad’s,” Virgil’s eyebrows raise “I sort of stole it?” They’re going to get along just fine. “Technically, it’s going to be mine anyway,” Virgil smiles and nods. 

--

7am in the winter sunrise, Virgil pedals like his life depends on it “Wrong place and wrong time?” Roman calls out of his window, Virgil ditches the bike to clamber in “Oh we’re in so much shit,” The blue lights flicker behind them and Virgil can’t help but laugh.

“We’re not going to jail for borrowing a bike,” Virgil points out “Especially as we’re both underage,” Roman shakes his head “Don’t ask how I know that,” The elder sighs and pulls the car over. “Hey, I guess that means you get to meet my dads,” 

The ride to the police station was sort of peaceful, the officer looks at Virgil and sighs “Your dads are such good people, done a lot for this community Verge, I don’t know what’s going on with you, you were such a good kid,” Virgil rolls his eyes and retorts with:

“Save the emotional manipulation, pops is going to give me enough of that,”

Patton Sanders is a very soft-spoken and emotional man. Roman takes one look at him and his eyebrows practically fly into his hairline “Your dad is Patton Sanders? The best baker in the entirety of Florida? And you held that out on me?” Patton smiles kindly at the two boys and shakes his head. 

“Roman, nice to see you, how’s your dad?”

“Still an asshole,” Patton smiles, and the cell opens, he wraps an arm around Virgil and shakes his head, the smile slipping. 

“There’s only so many times I can do this,” Virgil shrugs. “Roman your dad called ahead to say you’re too come home with us, he sounded drunk so it’s probably for the best,” Roman was not going to complain, he grabs his bag and trails behind the two.  So if Patton is Virgil’s dad, that means his other dad must be...Roman’s eyes widen and he immediately looks like he wants to bolt. “Logan’s making some coffee, I think it’s time we all have a talk,” Roman throws up onto the pavement “His reputation seems to precede him as always,”

“Logan Sanders? Oh why didn’t I make that connection sooner, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, I don’t like the idea of spending life in jail because your dad’s a cop!” Virgil rolls his eyes.

“Stop being such a pussy, if you don’t like cops you probably shouldn’t have stolen your dad’s Ferrari,” He’s right, Roman shuts up. The Sanders house is a relatively normal house, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, and a living room, it’s homely, cozy, not too big and not too small, and smelled like pastries. Logan is sat at the table with a book open and a cup of coffee on the table. 

Roman is used to seeing Captain Sanders bulked up in uniform and with a gun strapped to his hip but sat in the kitchen table with a dressing gown and hair mussed from sleep, he doesn’t look quite as intimidating. Glasses balanced on his nose, cold blue eyes flickering across the pages of his book. He looks up and gives a small smile “Virgil, Roman, nice to see you,” He closes the book and stands up, giving Patton a small kiss on the cheek and then shaking his head at Virgil “I know I should be angry at you Virgil, but in all honesty, we’re both very worried about you,” He glances to Roman “And you too,” 

Roman’s eyebrows furrow, no-one ever worries about him “Sir?” He questions gently, his fingertips scratching at his wrists. 

“Sit down, let's have some coffee,”

--

An hour previously.

Logan sighs as he answers the phone “Again?” He flops back against the bed and Patton stirs, rubbing his eyes, he mouths ‘Virgil?’ and his husband nods in response. The elder’s body stiffens as he sits up, rubbing his eyes and grabbing his glasses, slipping out of the bed to put some clothes on. 

Somewhere after he starts getting dressed, Patton bursts into tears, Logan slides out of bed to wrap his arms around him. “Is this my fault? Did I do something wrong, Logan what if he’s like... me?” Logan rubs the other’s arms gently kisses his forehead as he holds him close. 

“It is not your fault Patton, and if he has inherited your disorder then we need to see that he gets treatment, okay? But it is entirely and completely not your fault, it is not something you could prevent nor change, we need to talk to him and understand what’s going on in his head, and then we need to take him to see a doctor and see that he gets the help he needs,” Patton nods and wipes his eyes. “Everything will be okay, I promise,”

Sixteen years ago, when Virgil had come into the world and Patton had been a single father trying his best with untreated ‘manic depression’, he had constantly feared for his son. His parents had helped him raise Virgil whilst he sought out treatment, but every day he worried his son would suffer as he had, now all his worst fears were coming to light. But the moment Logan said “Everything will be okay,” he believed his husband, entirely and completely, he’d never been wrong before. 

“And then we need to seriously look into Roman Prince’s home life, this is the sixth time he’s been caught, and I think there’s more going on than the boy is letting on,” Patton nods in agreement. 

--

“Bipolar?” Virgil asks quietly “You don’t seem very...bipolar?” His eyebrows furrowed, weren’t people with bipolar supposed to be scary? Intimidating? Not his dad who cries at the drop of a hat and loves everyone and everything with his entire heart and soul? He doesn’t exactly fit the character profile of what Virgil would assume a bipolar person would be like. “And I could have inherited it?” Roman swallows softly, sipping his tea with a worried expression. For all the fucked up elements of their friendship, they truly do care about each other. 

“Could you explain to us, why you do these things? How they make you feel and what you’re feeling before and after?” Logan presses but not in an invasive way, he’s patient. 

“I uh...I don’t know, it’s hard to talk about, it’s like all my thoughts come up at once and fight over each other over and over and over again, kind of like a tornado in my head, and then I just need to do everything and anything, and then I go sort of numb and if I don’t do something I’m just going to go straight off the edge,” Logan rubs his forehead “I need to see a doctor don’t I?” His dads nod.

“Whether or not you do have bipolar, that is definitely something you need some form of treatment for, that doesn’t sound like a happy situation,” Patton squeezes Virgil’s hand “And I want you to be happy, you’re my son, I raised you,” Virgil’s eyes well with tears and he nods, sniffling. “As for you, Roman, I believe Logan wants to talk to you in private?” Roman swallows nervously and nods, entirely sure he’s in trouble as Patton leads Virgil upstairs. 

“At ease, kid,” Logan says gently “I’m not here to shout at you, I’m under firm belief that when children act out it’s for a reason, a child that cries does so because they need attention, a child that cries silently is simply because they cannot stop,” He pushes the teapot towards him “Call it a hunch, but your dad does not sound like a good person to live with, rich but not entirely above the law, so would you mind talking about your home life with me?” 

Roman’s jaw tenses, his gaze averts and it’s that one movement that already gives Logan his answer. “He’s...” A deep breath, gaze scattered, nails tapping against the mug; he’s nervous, and Logan can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t want to talk, that he’s scared of talking. “He’s bad,” Is all that falls out “Growing up all I knew is him screaming and shouting and breaking things, getting drunk, hitting my mom...hitting me,” The boy shrugs “At first i thought hey, maybe it’s just the alcohol, because without it he seems calm, more like a dad,”

“But I take it the alcohol has become more permanent in his life?” Roman’s gaze finally meets Logan’s, his eyes are welling up as he nods. 

“When I first met Virgil I was going to kill myself, he told me to stop being a drama queen, basically, and get in the car,” He laughs shortly “Until I met him I didn’t think there was anything in life that was worth it, I was constantly fumbling over my home life, my school life, my sexuality and then Virgil just runs in and it’s like finally, finally someone who just gets what it feels like to be constantly running on fumes,”

“Virgil tends to have that effect on people,” Logan hums “But you’re the first person he’s actually kept around, which is interesting, but perhaps a different talk for a different day, I’m going to see what we can do about keeping you safe from harm, ideally here where I can keep an eye on you and making sure you’re safe,”

“You would...do that?”

“I know you think you’re a problem, Roman, but I don’t think we’d have Virgil here at all if it wasn’t for you,” He sips his cup of tea “And for that, despite all the trouble you’ve been getting into, I am eternally grateful, because there are very few things in life that I love more than my son,” He rests the coffee cup on the table “But, more importantly, you are not a problem, you are a person, and you need help and a safe environment,” 

Roman doesn’t know when he starts crying, but once he does he just can’t stop. Patton wanders in with some cookies as Virgil sits next to his friend, squeezing his hand. Everything’s going to be okay, that’s what he feels the moment Virgil’s fingertips ghost over the back of his hand. 

Everything’s going to be okay.

--

It took two months for a case file to be built for Roman’s father, in order for him to be prosecuted. There were points where Roman wasn’t sure he’d be safe if he’d win. But after his mother finally caved and testified, with hundreds of scars on her body, there was little to no evidence that could save the man.

True to his word, Logan protected Roman, he offered him the spare room, drove him and Virgil to school and picked him up, and made sure he never went anywhere alone. At the same time, Virgil finally gets his preliminary appointment for therapy, it starts hard and after a period of time he’s quite easily flopping himself down on his therapist’s chair with a huff and “Emile, you would not believe the fucking week I’ve had,” 

Roman eventually sees a therapist of his own, for PTSD, and again, he finds it hard to talk at first after so long of believing he couldn't. Then time passes and he warms up to the sassy and sarcastic therapist who drinks way more coffee than recommended for the average person, which has a very bittersweet irony as he talks about Roman’s sleep schedule. He doesn’t heal quickly, or immediately, and after so long he has to be prescribed antidepressants, it’s a long and hard road to recover from the fear his father instilled in him, and the thoughts that those actions drove from him.

It takes Virgil years to get a diagnosis, he spends time and energy desperately trying to believe he can get better, but there are some days where “better,” is just a word on a page, and “suicide,” is a very real and scary presence in his mind. Emile helps as best as he can, he talks trough Virgil’s issues, keeps him stable at best, and does it all with a smile. Roman and Virgil will eventually go onto being something else, together, but they struggle to get better when all they have is each other, so that thought is put on hold.

Logan and Patton basically welcome the other boy as a second son, Logan helps Roman with his homework and later, applying for college; Patton teaches him how to cook and clean and take care of that ridiculously fancy car. Roman gets his family. Virgil gets his confirmation that there is something bigger at hand than just his own recklessness. They don't live “happily ever after,” because no one really ever does, but they live and that, for now...that’s good enough.

--

Taglist:

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten// @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey //  @aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife // @heck-im-lost//@k9cat//@stilljittery//@romansleftshoulderpad// @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired //@therealmoshar// @punsterterry // @trashypansexual// //@demigodnamedathena//@sevencrashing// @misunderstood-shadow//@aphriteblack//@jemthebookworm//@sandersandthesides//@penguinkool//@georganabanana// @importantrunawaystudentstuff // @ao-koshka// @dangerous-doodle // @river-waterfall // @hell-or-high-waters // @no-sleep-gang-posts//  @wxlcomxtothxjunglx //@marshmallow-the-panda// @flix-net // @omni-hamiltrash

–

Ko-Fi

[hforhonesty]

Book Review #2 | Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

“Cath and Wren are identical twins and until recently they did absolutely everything together. Now they’re off to university and Wren’s decided she doesn’t want to be one half of a pair any more – she wants to dance, meet boys, go to parties and let loose. It’s not easy for Cath. She would rather bury herself in the fanfiction she writes where there’s romance far more intense than anything she’s experienced in real life.

Now Cath has to decide whether she’s ready to open her heart to new people and new experiences, and she’s realizing there’s more to learn about love than she ever thought possible…” [Official synopsis of the book]

Alternative title: “Ode to our Inner Fangirl” or “Every fangirl must-read”.

This book was pretty popular when I was still active on my fandoms but I, uhm, refused to read it.

(Because I’m disturbed)

(Ask anyone)

Seriously, though. I was only 14 at the time and I was going through that phase that didn’t let me read books outside the fantasy genre, given my not-so-little obsession toward Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, The Mortal Instruments, Hunger Games, and so on.

I bought my first copy on July 2014, during a fortnight study holiday in Dublin. I also got something like ten other books and had to purchase a carry-on because they wouldn’t fit in my luggage, but that’s another story.

Anyway, as soon as I started Fangirl, I decided to read only a few chapters for each night instead of finishing it in a glorious one-night-stand. You need to know that I have always been a fast-reader, but this time… I really didn’t want to finish it; instead, I wanted to enjoy every single line and make the book last as long as possible.

Before we start talking about Fangirl, you need to know that it is set in an alternative universe where Gemma T. Leslie is the actual author the Simon Snow Series, which is worldwide famous. Since the eighth and last book of the series is about to be published, most fans seized the day and decided to write on the Internet their own versions of the story, so that they could all have a say in the matter regarding the end.

“The whole point of fanfiction,” she said, “is that you get to play inside somebody else’s universe. Rewrite the rules. Or bend them. The story doesn’t have to end when Gemma Leslie gets tired of it. You can stay in this world, this world you love, as long as you want, as long as you keep thinking of new stories...” “Fanfiction,” Levi said.

“Yes.”

Cath Avery is undoubtedly Simon Snow’s #1 FAN. She loves the books so much that she owns something like every gadget of the series: posters, drawings, t-shirts, commemorative busts of Simon and Baz...

Just take a look at the fanart of her room made by Simini Blocker:

However, if someone asked Cath if there were something about the series that she wanted to change, the answer would be the most affirmative yes in the history of yes-s.

Because in Gemma T. Leslie’s version of Simon Snow, he and Baz Pitch are just enemies... And Snowbaz is a CRACK SHIP.

I mean, only G̶e̶m̶m̶a̶ ̶T̶.̶ ̶L̶e̶s̶l̶i̶e̶ a monster would write about their amazing chemistry and THEN DELIBERATELY CHOOSE NOT TO MAKE THEIR RELATIONSHIP ROMANTIC.

I need five minutes to calm down.

Inhala, exhala.

Inhala, exhala.

Inhala, exhala.

Okay. Fine. Fine. I’m cool. I’m fine.

So sorry you had to witness my wig snatching. Anyway...

Since R̶a̶i̶n̶b̶o̶w̶ ̶R̶o̶w̶e̶l̶l̶ Cath is also Snowbaz’s #1 FAN, she has to do something about this contempt of court, so she writes several fanfictions using the nickname Magicath and becomes beyond popular. People all around North America read her fanfictions, and she’s pretty well-known in Japan, too.

She’s currently working on her latest fanfiction, Carry on, which is her own version of the eighth book.

Wait a minute, you say. Is her fanfiction the same as Rainbow’s book?

The answer is no. Rainbow herself said that her book and Cath’s fanfiction are pretty much different, so you don’t have to worry about spoilers while you’re reading Fangirl. Moreover, here’s the link to my spoiler!free review/analysis of Carry on, which can be read by both newbies or og members of the fandom.

Anyway... As you can see, Cath loves writing – and she loves it so much that not only she’s majoring in English, but she’s also convinced her advisor to let her take Intro to Fiction-Writing, which is a class only for junior students.

Intro to Fiction-Writing is taught by professor Piper, whom I consider one of the best fictional-teachers of all time. One of my favourite scenes of the book is set during her very first lecture, when she asks her students why people write fiction.

The first time I read Fangirl, I remember putting the book down for a moment and asking myself how I would have answered if I had been one of those students. I probably would have kept the answer for myself, but the point is that, as I was getting lost on my thought, I couldn’t come up with an explanation of why I write.

It’s a tricky question for a writer, isn’t it? I bet that we could all come up with replies that couldn’t be more different from each other. We have a urge to write and we try to get along with it, but where does this urge come from? And what does it say? Does it speak a universal language?

Five years later, I think I’ve found my answer.

I’m an introvert. I’m loud and talkative when I’m with my friends, but I can’t even order a pizza on the phone — which is kind of funny, whatever.

Being an introvert also means that I have a hard time identifying myself with fictional characters. They are what I like to call the ‘Quiet Ones’, of course, but they seem to overcome their introversion, which is described as a huge problem that needs to be fixed, and gain tons of ““confidence”” (see: extroversion) toward the end of the book | series | movie | tv show, becoming totally different people.

So why do I write?

I write because I want people like me to know that they are not alone, that there’s nothing wrong with them, that there are people out there who think and feel things just like they do.

Because darling, we don’t need to be fixed.

We are just introverts.

Why do I write? Cath tried to come up with a profound answer – knowing she wouldn’t speak up, even if she did.

But she does. I mean, she does come up with an answer. More than one, actually. And while I was reading this scene, I was like, how is it even possible? How can I relate so much to a character that I’ve known for less than twenty pages?

“To explore new worlds,” someone said.

“To explore old ones,” someone else said. Professor Piper was nodding.

To be somewhere else, Cath thought.

“To set ourselves free,” a girl said.

To get free of ourselves.

“To stop hearing the voices in our head,” said the boy in front of Cath. [...]

To stop, Cath thought.

To stop from being anything or anywhere at all.

“Why do we write fiction?” Professor Piper asked.

Cath looked down at her notebook.

To disappear.

Cath can’t help isolating herself from everyone but her loved ones. Her father suffers from bipolarism, and her mother abandoned her and Wren because she wasn’t interested in motherhood.

When your family is incapable of loving you, it leaves a mark that lasts a lifetime. You’re afraid of rejection, you know that nobody will ever accept you for who you are, and you can’t stop thinking that if your own mother left you, then everyone else will eventually do the same.

So what’s the point in letting them break your heart any way?

“No,” Cath said, “seriously. Look at you. You’ve got your shit together, you’re not scared of everything. I’m scared of everything. And I’m crazy. Like maybe you think I’m a little crazy, but I only ever let people see the tip of my crazy iceberg. Underneath this veneer of slightly crazy and socially inept, I’m a complete disaster.”

Reading this quote was like watching my reflection on the mirror. I felt every single word of what she was saying, I felt her insecurities, her second-guessing, her fears. For a moment she was me... and I was her.

Fangirl made me realise that I’m not alone, that there is nothing wrong with who I am, that there are people out there who think and feel things just like I do.

So it’s pretty obvious that Cath belongs to the Quiet Ones. What makes her different, however, is that she doesn’t give anything up; instead, she accepts herself for who she is. And at the end of the story, she has gained more confidence, it’s true, but she’s still Cath Avery, which is one of the reasons why I love this book so much.

Thank you for reading my review. I hope you guys enjoyed it! :)

With love,

M.C.

Post scriptum: I can’t believe that my first review on Carry on got 102 notes! That’s insane, guys! I can’t believe it! Okay, enough with the exclamation marks. It’s just that... Wow. Even Rainbow Rowell herself liked it. I mean, RAINBOW ROWELL. For Heaven’s sake, I couldn’t be more thrilled.

So thank you, thank you very much. You’ve made my year.

[snarkythewoecrow]

Fanfic Stats Tag Game

I was tagged by one of my fav authors @theoceanismyinkwell

Author Name: Snarkymuch, both here and on AO3.

Fandoms You Write For: These days I'm mostly writing for the Marvel fandom. I write anything from Tony-centric stuff to Spider-Man with lots of family feels. I still have some other fandoms on my Ao3 I used to write for though.

Where You Post: Ao3 mostly

Most Popular One-Shot: Emergencies Only, a little funny story about Peter meeting the rogues avengers. It was one of the lighter things I've written. I'm not normally capable of writing without angst so it was outside the box for me. I was kinda surprised by the reception of it.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Though I have a love/hate relationship with it, Unexpected Finds is the clear winner as my most popular coming in at 3k kudos. (Like I am still humbled by the love that story gets) It's a story about homeless, abused, and generally messed up Peter that ends up in Tony’s life unexpectedly. There are some things I would change if done again, but in a way, I'm still okay with what I created. Someday, I’d love to come back to it and change a few things, though. There are plot points I never tended to, but for now, I still think it stands as an okay story.

Favorite Story You Wrote: My favorite story … that's a tough one. Though one story goes to mind. My favorite is my least popular thing ever as weird as that sounds. It's called The Phoenix. It's a short one shot about Tony’s life, covering moments that framed him and made him question his worth in the eyes of Yinsen. The final moment is his reflection before the snap and his death, which is followed by him awakening in the afterlife, being greeted by Natasha and Yinsen and moving on.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: Can I name them all? Seriously, the one that did me in though and caused enough anxiety to need a Valium was posting Riding the Tiger. It’s a story about a bipolar Tony and his struggles with the illness and accepting how it frames his life. That story and the series it sprouted still make me anxious some days. I bared my soul in that, discussing mental illness in a raw way that connected with many people. It was cathartic to write and I've been told that shows in its style. I’m sure I will write more for the series, but I can only create for that when I truly feel it. It's a very emotional story.

How Do You Choose Your Titles: I'm so uncreative—like I just make random stuff up and hope it works.

Do You Outline: Yes and no? Sorta. Long stuff I tend to have a note in my phone I jot down ideas in as they pop up. I occasionally try to make an official looking outline but I tend to forget about them and let the characters run rampant anyway.

How many of your stories are…

Complete: According to Ao3, 53 complete.

In-Progress: One, which is the sequel to Unexpected Finds called Finding Home. It's a Bucky & Peter friendship.

Coming Soon: I have a Tony-centric, female Tony, kinda hard to explain wing fic, but not in the usual way. It's more that you are born with white wings that are blank slates. Life experience and lessons cause you to gain colored feathers in a universal language of sorts. Wings can be hidden from sight. I'm really excited about the story so far.

Do You Accept Prompts: Definitely! But I have a habit of going toward angsty places. Also, I don't always know when I'll get to them. I can get prompts and they sit forever and then suddenly I’m up at midnight typing away.

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: I really want to get started on another installment to Written in Color, a series based off of Written in Blue that my friend and I are collabing.

Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions: @heatherica45 @thelostweasley77 @whumphoarder

[cbcdiversity]

WE ARE UNBROKEN: YA Authors Get Honest about Disability

By Marieke Nijkamp

In the new YA anthology UNBROKEN, #1 New York Times–bestselling author Marieke Nijkamp teams up with fellow disabled authors to create a collection of fictional stories that dispatch with the tired, broken stereotypes—and reclaim narratives and identities.

Below, Marieke and fellow contributors share what disability means to them and what they hope readers take away from their stories. You can view the full list of contributors here.

Marieke Nijkamp: Some days, I use a cane to walk. Some days, I use a cane to keep standing. I wear braces to keep my joints together, a back brace to keep my back straight. Some days, I’m more support than own strength. And on those days, I’ve found, people stare a lot. (When I’m lucky, staring is the worst thing they do. Staring, and quickly turning away when you try to meet their gaze.) I do not fit with their preconceived notions of disability. I’m too young. Too seemingly able-bodied. Too blue-haired and sharp-tongued.

I began to decorate my cane the moment I realized people stared. I used insulation tape and wound it around the length of the cane in different colors, obnoxiously, wonderfully rainbow. I figured, if people stared anyway, I would give them something to stare at.

Next were multicolor braces and slings. A cane with an eagle’s head. One decorated with leaves and birds. Colors and shapes and pieces of me.

It began as a means to challenge unwanted attention, but it soon turned into something more. A way to personalize assistive devices, extend my style, and to reclaim myself. Another step on the path from internalized ableism to disability pride. It was the moment I realized a thousand stares couldn’t define me, but how I chose to handle them, did.

Every disabled person I know has experienced moments like that, of (continuously) discovering what it means to be disabled, personally and in the context of the world around us, for better or worse. It’s certainly true for the contributors to UNBROKEN: 13 STORIES STARRING DISABLED TEENS. Which is why I brought them all together. Because those moments deserve to be shared. In their stories. In these blogposts. And in doing so, hopefully showing other disabled readers they’re not alone and we’re all in this together.

I’ll let some of my fantastic contributors share with you their moments, and what they hope readers will take way from UNBROKEN:

“I remember once upon a time, when I was young and freshly diagnosed, thinking that I had to find a solution to my bipolar. A cure or a medication or some kind of fix to the way I was. It took a while and a lot of ups and downs (ha), but these days I realize that I don’t need a solution, because my bipolar is not a problem. It creates problems, for sure, and those need handling. But the illness itself is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just a part of who I am. I wish I’d known that sooner, but I’m happy to know now. That’s what I hope readers will take away from this collection. Honestly, the stories are beautiful, but if there is one thing for any disabled teen to remember about the book, it is the title.”

-Heidi Heilig

“Being a wheelchair user in elementary school sometimes made socializing tricky. Sleepovers, field trips, Girl Scout camping trips—all logistically difficult. But sometimes my disability made me queen. Like at Sparkles, the local roller skating rink, where I would lead a chain of my peers, the first holding onto my power chair's handlebars, the rest holding onto each other and whooping as I sped around the rink full-speed. The slick floor offered no resistance, no drag. When the chain behind me was long enough and my speed great enough, I'd turn, sharp and sudden, to see how many people I could send flying off, their joyous screams echoing back to me at the head of the party.

What I most hope people get from my horror story is a thrill, a tension, and the unique pleasure of something's not right here. But what I most hope people get from the book as a whole is a beautiful glimpse of all the many stories we have to tell. I hope people leave the book hungry for more.”

-Kayla Whaley

“My kid's first steps were suitably adorable, but that's not what we're here for. Try not to infantilize her efforts, even though she was a literal infant at the time. Her legs wobbled. She held the edge of an oval-shaped coffee table and taught herself new ways to negotiate with gravity. I used a walker and a cane rather than a coffee table when I relearned how to walk, so I knew exactly what my kid was doing, and how it felt, when she launched herself away from that table.

This is not a story about overcoming adversity with pluck and grit. I still use a cane. In all likelihood I always will. I've also written a cane sword into every single one of my novels so far, and I’m particularly fond of the one in my contribution to UNBROKEN. This memory is a moment of kinship and recognition. A small human taught herself how to walk. I bore witness to those first steps while remembering my own.”

-William Alexander

“When my doctors started trying to figure out what sudden pain and sleep-all-day exhaustion were about, I was sent to a specialist clinic. Their advice was that ‘pacing myself’ meant doing no more than 5 minutes of activity (including personal care/ cooking etc) in any given day, for weeks, and maybe gradually build it up to ten if I could cope. Along with ‘you should get used to the idea that you might only ever manage an hour’. I sat through one session and I quit.

It wasn’t going to work for me. My first book had just come out, there was promo and another book to write. I had a day job. Bills to pay. A home to maintain, a body to feed and care for. Friends whose lives I wanted to be part of. All the usual life stuff.

I…probably see-sawed back and forth between having energy and spending too much of it more than was wise, in those early days. I definitely tried ignoring advice from friends who’d been there. But I’ve got better at knowing limits and when and how to push them. Generally there’s still a trade-off somewhere – a bargaining for the next (or biggest) curtain call. We all do it, I think, disabled or otherwise: some of us just have to haggle better. Which is where A Play In Many Parts comes in.

With UNBROKEN, disabled readers have a collection which could very well hold several iterations of themselves (I know there are several separate pieces of me I can see in here). That feeling – the feeling of being seen – is huge. And abled folks might catch their first glimpse of us all as (messy, human) heroes instead of cautionary tales.”

-Fox Benwell

“I live with cerebral palsy and I didn’t always like or love myself because of it. In fact, I hated myself. I thought I was ugly and unlovable for most of my life (I’m 27). UNBROKEN is an anthology of stories starring teens and I spent all of my teenage years being terrible to myself. I think this experience is worth talking about because I know firsthand that it’s not easy to see our worth sometimes. We question why we don’t see ourselves in mainstream media in a positive light and why we aren’t good enough. The thing is, we are good enough. I was good enough back when I didn’t like myself and now, that I do. The only difference is that I didn’t know it then. I believed I had to hate myself because I was different. We shouldn’t hate our differences, we should celebrate them! They’re beautiful, messy, & complicated.

My story, Mother Nature’s Youngest Daughter, is about a young girl named Millie who is being bullied. She is also trying to find her place in the world and in her family. Millie fights back. That was important to me, she’s a young girl who loves herself in a way I did not. I wanted to let readers know they didn’t have to wait until adulthood to love & fight for themselves. I wanted them to see a black girl with a disability be loved, be strong, be angry, be happy, and bold without apology.

In the collection as a whole, I know that readers will get to see themselves in a vast amount of characters who share experiences they don’t often get to see in other literary circles or mainstream media. These kids are heroes WITH disabilities and not despite them. I hope that encourages them as much as it has me.”

-Keah Brown

Marieke Nijkamp is the #1 New York Times–bestselling author of This Is Where It Ends and Before I Let Go. She is a storyteller, dreamer, globe-trotter, and geek. She currently resides in her home country, the Netherlands.

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Legacies 1x12, There's a Mummy on Main Street -- Review

I bring you another episode of Lega-Trash. And considering how this episode says it in the title -- it's all about mummies -- you would think I would like this episode since the Brendan Frasier Mummy films are my favorite films of all time (excluding 3, I refuse to acknowledge that film's existence) but this episode, real shocker, was beyond boring. This episode just kept dragging on and on. It brings shame to the Mummy genre.

This is going to be an honest review of my thoughts and feelings regarding Legacies, the spin-off of a spin-off that should never have come to pass, but here we are. I'm not a fan of this show, have never pretended to be one, so if you're looking for Legacies positivity, this is not the place for you. Move along, this is not meant for you. I'm very critical about this show. Keep in mind these are my thoughts and feelings about this mess of a show. Opinions are never right or wrong. I'm not telling you how to think and feel. You don't have to agree with my opinions but I would ask that you respect them, please. Also, spoilers for the episode. So if you haven't seen the episode yet, watch the episode and then come back...otherwise, read at your own risk. But let's be real here. I'm sure my followers who end up reading this have no desire to watch this show and use my ramblings in these reviews as a substitute for actually watching the show...those selfish jerks...just kidding, I love all my followers and please, only watch the show if you really want to. I'm making a sacrifice watching the show so you don't have to.

I honestly don't know what to say about this episode that I haven't said before. It's not even so much that Legacies is a "bad" show (well, I mean it is) but the real grievance I have with this show is just how damn boring it is. 10 minutes go by and you feel like it's been 30 minutes. Everytime I watch an episode, it's the longest 42 minutes of my life. Beyond all the rampant misogyny disguised as feminism, beyond all the lack of understanding pertaining to mental illness, beyond all the cringey dialogue, this is just a boring show to watch. The episodes are badly structured, it barely has a plot, and most of the characters are either dull and bland or just super annoying and unlikable (and in Hope's case, both). Really, these episodes should not be 42 minutes long. There's not enough story to the "monsters of the week" to warrant 42 minutes and the character drama occurring isn't interesting enough to hold my attention for the remainder of the time. I think what really bothers me about this show's formula is that the monsters have very little to do with the internal character struggles within the narrative. A good Motw show incorporates the monster as a tool to explore certain themes within the characters' development, plus also adding onto the show's seasonal mytharc and plot. But that isn't the case with the show. The monster and the character drama are always kept self-contained and separate from each other. And that's not a good formula for a MotW show and I think that's why the episodes feel stilted and badly structured. The episodes are missing a sense of cohesion that would make you enjoy an episode all the way through. And then you tack on the show's other problems and it just becomes a mess.

But anyway, enough with the rambling. What happened in this episode? Alaric feels guilty about letting a slug infect him and causing him to throw the urn into the river so he's on a mission to get the urn back. He realizes, somehow, that the urn is stuck in a dam near this small town so Alaric takes Dorian (the therapist's boyfriend), Emma (the therapist), Hope (because why wouldn't he) Kaleb (the teenage vampire who loves feeding on humans) and Josie and Lizzie. Don't ask me why Alaric thinks it's a good idea to bring teenagers along with him on this very dangerous mission, we all know he's a horrible headmaster. But anyway, the group ends up in this small town, Dorian goes scuba diving for the urn and there's a mummy on the loose going after the urn and bringing lots of African hornets to help it out on this venture. After this town gets attacked by hornets, some government operation shows up to give aid but it turns out these are the people in charge of Malivore. They ask for Alaric's assistance in dealing with the mummy (that's where the Charmed Ones come in) and compelling the townsfolk into forgetting everything (that's where Kaleb comes in). The mummy gets taken care of, it pops up for round two, it gets taken care of again. The government organization makes a vague threat about paying a visit to the school and Alaric and the teenagers leave. But not before getting the urn back as Kaleb compelled one of the government peeps to steal the urn and give it back to them. But unfortunately, they end up giving the urn back to the shady government organization as said organization is holding Dorian and Emma hostage. So this entire episode was a waste of time.

Now let's get into the drama of this episode because this show being a MotW show is a farce, this show is a soap opera, plain and simple.

So there's drama between the Charmed Ones and we're finally starting to see some sort of female something build between them but it's still pretty weak and pretty bland. And yes, I'm calling them the Charmed Ones because that what they are. JP doesn't have a single original thought in her head, we all know this. But basically Lizzie is angry with Hope for being on this trip with them because once again, Hope is infringing upon her time with her father, there's that abandonment trigger again we all know Lizzie has. Lizzie accuses Hope of setting a fire in Hope's room on purpose a few years back that lead to Lizzie losing father-daughter time with Alaric because Alaric then had to deal with the fallout on that. Hope is adamant that she did not set that fire, why would she because she also lost half of her belongings including the only drawing she ever made with her father. And Lizzie also accuses Hope of being responsible for spreading a horrible rumor about Lizzie's bipolar disorder as this fire incident was what lead to Lizzie's first manic episode. Hope swears up and down she did not set that fire and she certainly would never spread horrible rumors about Lizzie's disorder as she also hails from a crazy family and she could just as easily have these kinds of issues. And here's what I don't like about how the show approaches mental illness. Having a family who have displayed psychotic behavior causes you to be crazy. I don't like that. And I don't like that Hope feels she can compare her situation to Lizzie's. They're completely different situations. All the horrible things that the Mikaelsons did, that all came from vampirism. Being a vampire wasn't what made them horrible people who needed redemption. That was a product of specific situations, and really there's very little proof beyond Hope's self-entitled narcissistic personality that she's likely ever to display. Before the Mikaelsons became vampires, they were relatively stable. Hope is relatively stable. She's bland and irritating but stable. The things that the Mikaelsons did that were bad were a result of specific situations leading them to make those decisions, if Hope doesn't have those kinds of situations, it's entirely possible she won't display their kind of behavior. Basically, if Hope ever goes dark, it's most likely less of a trait she inherited through blood and more of a learned trait. What's going on with Lizzie is something that's completely different, this is something that's manifesting within her own body. This is a chemical imbalance inside of her brain (which is a popular theory among the medical community on what causes bipolar disorder) that causes her to make the decisions she does or lose control. I certainly don't excuse Lizzie for any of the things she does as a result of her disorder but what's going on with Hope and what's going on with Lizzie are two completely different things and should not be compared on the same level. Plus, I don't like the insinuation that because you have a crazy family, that means you're privy to bad behavior or a mental illness or on the flipside, if you don't have a crazy family and you have a mental illness, then you're just crazy.

But it's eventually revealed that Josie was the one who started the fire in Hope's room. Josie had left a love note in Hope's room basically saying she had a crush on Hope. Josie immediately regretted it and was ashamed for doing such a stupid thing but couldn't get back into Hope's room to get the note back so she used a fire spell to get rid of the note but the spell overshot and caused a massive fire. I don't understand why Josie had a hard time getting the note back considering all the insane things we've seen magic do in this franchise but I guess teleporting an object is just too much for this world's magic system, that's where the line is drawn. But wait, there's more to this drama. Josie felt so ashamed and didn't want Lizzie to find out that Josie actually spread the rumor about Lizzie's disorder and told Lizzie it was Hope. Her reasoning is that she was worried that if Lizzie ever found out about the note, Lizzie would try and destroy Hope because that's what Lizzie always does whenever Josie forms a connection with anyone else. So once again, we're making Hope and Josie these pure and innocent creatures and painting Lizzie in a horrible light. I just, I don't even know where to start. First off, Hope is super intrigued to learn that Josie had a crush on her and Josie's response was, "well, who wouldn't." Considering Hope has no friends and indeed in the previous episode, it was remarked on how weird it was to see her socializing and gasp! being friendly with other people -- I find this really hard to believe. And also, why is it necessary for everyone to love Hope? If you needed further proof that Hope is Elena 2.0, here it is. Everyone loves her for no apparent reason and it's remarked on as, "who wouldn't love Hope?". Well me, for starters, but that's beside the point. So moving on, while all this kind of sort of tracks and kind of sort of works even though it's at Lizzie's expense, it's not how I would've done it. Because Josie is continually becoming so one-note on how pure and perfect and innocent she is with her only flaw being her co-dependency, I would capitalize on her co-dependency flaw here. Here's how I would approach it. Josie was noticing that maybe Lizzie and Hope were starting to aknowledge eachother and starting to become friends and she got jealous. I actually could kind of see a potential playful teasing kind of frienship between Hope and Lizzie if cultivated. Josie has spent her entire life being so co-dependant on Lizzie that the prospect of Lizzie moving on and not needing her help anymore was a frightening thought for her. Josie exists, at least to her, to be there for Lizzie and Lizzie suddenly not being there and taking away Josie's sense of importance caused her to lash out a little. Maybe instead of a love letter, she sends a hate note or something saying to stay away from Lizzie but after she left the note, she immediately regretted it and was ashamed about it and but couldn't get into the room to get it back so she tries to use a spell to insinerate it but an actual fire starts, the fallout happens, Lizzie is angry they lost time with their father and out of Josie's own anger she makes a comment to Hope about Lizzie's disorder and it all goes from there, thus eternally making Lizzie despise Hope and Josie got what she wanted, Lizzie's continued dependance on her. Basically, I want to see Josie in more of a selfish light. I want to see that not only can she be selfish but it can also be petty and childish and vindictive much like Lizzie's behavior can be. While it makes sense that Lizzie's narcissism can play into jealousy, it also makes sense that Josie's co-dependancy can play into jealousy. Josie is selfish in the sense that she needs Lizzie to be dependent on her dependence and if Hope were to endanger that, Josie may have a difficult time being faced with the prospect if finding her own worth. Thsrd are selfless ramifications in co-dependency behavior but there are also selfish ramifications in co-dependent behavior.

We also get treated to this line said by Dorian while he and Emma are on a date. "You wouldn't have worn those shoes if you didn't like me a little." I don't speak for all women here but I don't choose to wear high heels for anyone else but me. I like the way they look on me, I like the way they make me feel, I don't do it for anyone else's gain but myself. You, good sir, can take your misogyny and shove it where the sun don't shine. And then it gets worse at the end of the episode where Emma comes clean about kissing Alaric while being infected with the slug. And this leads to Dorian punching Alaric and quitting. Good riddance, he won't be missed. But I'm sure he'll be back to rain more misogyny on this show. And the whole escalation to the punch is really weird. The slug doesn't possess you. It lowers your inhibitions which means there was a part of Emma that wanted to kiss Alaric. And I don't think Alaric even knew about Dorian. It was just two people getting caught up in the moment, I'm certainly not defending Alaric or Emma here but hey, sometimes it happens. Plus, I get the feeling Emma and Dorian haven't been together very long so was all that really necessary? Did we need to go all caveman and be all, "How dare you touch my woman, I must defend her honor and also prove she has no agency in her decisions". JP's feminism at her finest.

I'm also confused on the plot of this show. I don't really understand what Malivore will do if it's opened. It'll unleash all the monsters locked inside and somehow that brings an end to all supernatural creatures?

I'd give this episode a C. It's more of the same. A blah episode in a blah show.