#i’ve barely drawn at all because every time i do i just feel :( with what i want to draw

[blueywrites]

baby can we smoke?

eddie munson x ditsy!fem!reader you're the last person eddie expects to leave a note in his locker, but he won't regret meeting you out by the picnic table.

2.8k

cw: 18+. innocent reader (not minor-coded), corruption kink, weed usage, allusions to smut while high, no y/n, no physical descriptions.

Another 'naughty nights' ask that got a bit lengthy (check out the original ask here). I had fun writing from this perspective! Should I continue this with a part two? 👀 Let me know what you think. (PART TWO IS HERE!)

enjoy xx

Eddie finds the note in his locker right before lunch. It's written on a quarter of a math worksheet, ripped carefully at the folds and decorated with little doodles of hearts and clouds and shooting stars drawn in sparkly purple pen. That's not the only note in there, but it’s the only one that has him curious, ‘cause it’s from you.

He stops by your lunch table just before the final bell, letting his eyes rove over you while you aren’t paying attention. You’re wearing your typical attire: a fuzzy, pastel-colored sweater, baggy and soft-looking like cotton candy, paired with a little pleated skirt and that heart locket he always sees hanging from your neck in the class you share. He hadn’t pegged you as the type of girl to smoke, and it isn’t just because of the way you look since his clientele is diverse, dips into almost every pocket of the high school social ecosystem. It’s more the way you carry yourself— you seem to kind of float through life, let it bob you about without any resistance or, like, awareness, even? Like, you hum to yourself while you take notes; you don’t talk a ton, but when you do, you’ll talk to literally anybody who’s in proximity to you, including the teachers; and you’re always either giggling or smiling or, sometimes, wearing a look of vague confusion where your glossed lips will hang open, parted in a little ‘o’ like with all your concentration focused on trying to understand something, you have nothing left over to control your face.

Eddie doesn’t wanna call you dumb because that’d make him feel like an asshole, but you just seem so… innocent to be asking him to teach you how to smoke weed. It briefly crosses his mind that someone might just be trying to fuck with him and you hadn’t actually written the note, but when you finally notice him nearby, your wispy-lashed eyes widen eagerly like you’d been expecting him. 

“Yeah, so,” you say, as if continuing a conversation you’d already been having with him, “I really wanna get high, and Susie said you’re the one who sells weed, but I just don’t know how to smoke. I’ve never done it before, not even, like, cigarettes or anything.”

You seem oblivious to the way several heads at the tables around yours swing around to stare, easily overhearing since you’re not making any effort to lower your voice. Eddie merely quirks a brow at them, and when they make eye contact with him, they turn back around. “So,” you go on, “I’d just need you to help me, show me how to smoke and stuff. Would that be okay?”

Eddie debates it for just a moment before relenting with a nod. He tells you to meet him after school at the picnic table behind the athletic fields and you agree right away, smiling up at him with an expression of such utter awe and glee that he has to stop himself from snorting in amusement. It’s funny, but it’s also kind of cute, too— Eddie doesn’t remember the last time someone was so excited at the idea of receiving his help, and your enthusiasm is endearing.

It’s simply endearing all the way up until he has you sitting facing him on the picnic bench, kicking your little feet idly while you straddle it, staring at him with that little ‘o’ face of concentration as he deftly grinds the bud. You plant your hands between your spread legs, leaning forward and watching with rapt fascination as he begins to pack the green into the paper. Your bare knees press against the inside of his, soft and warm through the rips in his jeans; his eyes flick to the hem of your skirt, the way it’s barely long enough to poke out from the pooling of sweater fabric at your lap, and he adds a bonus pinch or two to the joint. It’s fat when he finishes rolling, pinching it between two callused fingers as he tilts to the side and tugs his zippo from his pocket. The lighter draws your gaze like a fluttering moth, your attention snared by the flickering flame, and Eddie finds himself staring at you for a moment before he blinks his fascination away.

“Okay.” Eddie speaks once the paper catches, and your eyes dart from the smoldering tip to his face, expectant and waiting. You’re close enough that he can see where your mascara has flaked a little onto your lids, and from this distance, your helplessness— how dependent you are on him, how sweet and open and utterly trusting you look— elicits a pang low in his belly. He swallows. “So, you’re gonna wanna keep the smoke in your mouth first, and then inhale. Not too deep though, or else you’ll cough it all out and waste it. Here, I’ll show you.” 

Eddie watches you watch him as his lips wrap around the end of the joint and he pulls from it, fairly shallowly compared to what he’d usually do. He drops his hand so you can see, lets his cheeks puff out so you won’t miss the way he’s collecting the smoke. 

And that look on your face is so entranced, Eddie feels suddenly powerful. His chest expands on the inhale, and he smirks at you, closed-mouthed and crooked as your eyes widen at how long he holds it before he lets it billow from his nose like a dragon. That delights you, and the rest of the smoke escapes Eddie’s mouth on a raspy chuckle at how simple it is to please you.

“It’s that easy?” you ask as he waves the lingering smoke away, clearing the space between you.

“‘S that easy, sweetheart,” Eddie confirms. And he finds it curious when you bite your lip, dragging your teeth along the gloss there in such a way that it has him wondering how sticky it must feel. “You ready to give it a try?”

You nod, head bouncing like a dashboard bobblehead, but when Eddie maneuvers the joint in his fingers and holds out the end for you to take, you hesitate, fidgeting and pulling at your sweater sleeves so they cover your fingers. 

“You want me to hold it for you?” Eddie guesses, and you nod again, meeting his gaze with a sweet little grateful smile that has his belly panging again, stirring with the barest amount of low, liquid heat. He reaches out, letting his hand hover at the side of your face, hesitating as he looks to you. “Can I—?”

“Yeah,” you say, your voice small and wispy in a way that isn’t helping with those stirrings he’s feeling. And your cheek is so smooth when he cups it in his hand, using the light grip to guide your face up and hold you steady for him as he brings the joint to your pouty lips. They brush Eddie’s thumb when they part for him to place the joint between them, sticking your flesh to his as you hesitantly pull the smoke into your mouth. 

“That’s it,” he rasps, merely wanting to encourage you, but you just won’t stop staring at him like that as he feeds you the hit. Like, shit, can you really blame him when the stirring creeps lower, down from his belly into his groin? Your cheeks puff up with smoke, and he can almost feel what it’d be like to see the outline of his dickhead poking out of one— all soft and slick inside, plush skin stretched tight around his—

Your hands are flapping in the air between you like you’re trying not to grab onto him, and when Eddie notices the distressed pinch between your brows, he pulls the joint hastily from between your lips. You look like a fucking chipmunk, your cheeks are so full, and Eddie realizes that as he’d zoned out thinking about his cock in your mouth, you just kept sucking and sucking ‘til you literally couldn’t anymore. 

Quickly, Eddie clutches the joint in his teeth to free his hands, gently cupping your full cheeks; sympathetic, patronizing, he says through it, “You didn’t have to— s’too much, honey, just blow a little out, okay?” 

Smoke eeks out from your pursed lips in a steady stream until he pats your face with his fingertips. “Okay, that’s enough,” he says hurriedly, lest you release the entire hit. Obedient to a fault, you are, and damn him for where his mind wanders with that information. “Now, slowly—” he tips his chin, widening his eyes for emphasis, “slowly breathe it in. Take it nice and easy.”

You do as he says, and his shoulders nearly sag with relief when you do it successfully. “Okay, hold it for a few,” he coaxes, dropping his hands and absentmindedly plucking the joint from between his teeth, watching you closely for any signs of difficulty. When you remain placid, a proud grin spreads over his face, and as the seconds tick on, you grow mutually excited, your lips pressed tight and your eyes all lit up as you look back at him. Pretty, he thinks, and then again when you finally let the breath go and smile radiantly.

“I did it!” you exclaim, drumming your sleeved hands on your thighs excitedly as you giggle.

“You did,” Eddie replies, warm and fond at the sight of your happiness and the part he played in it. He takes another hit of his own— quicker but deeper than his first— and inclines his head once he’s released it, flashing his brows encouragingly at you. “You wanna try it again?”

“Definitely,” you say, tipping your face up and leaning in expectantly. Your scent washes over him, something fruity maybe, and Eddie has to try hard not to lean further forward and drag his tongue across your lips, to pry them open and see if the inside of your mouth tastes as sweet as you smell. 

For a good while, you and Eddie trade hits back and forth, one for you for every two of his until the whites of your eyes go pink and your body loosens, unraveling upon the picnic table. You end up in a deep lean against the tabletop, your head propped in your hand, your breast squished against the wooden edge in such a way that even in that fuzzy near-shapeless sweater, the sight tantalizes him. Eddie’s feeling as high as you look, mirroring your posture with his knees spread wide, engulfing your shorter thighs in a dark frame of denim. He’s high enough that he doesn’t have that typical discomfort pinching in his chest at the silence between you, doesn’t feel the need to fill it by talking about whatever shit pops into his head. He’s consumed instead with sensation— the breeze ruffling his frizzy curls, tickling him with broken strands along his hairline; the dull crunch of old, nearly-rotted leaves under his sneakers; the hollow thrum of his pulse in his ears and the flow of living blood through his veins, cycling with each slow, rhythmic throb of his heart. And as he looks across at you— sweet, soft, sensual you — Eddie finds that since the high has his nerves all alight, he wants to touch your skin again, see how it feels now under his sensitized fingers.

The weed-haze brings with it a certain fond, almost nostalgic influence. It’s one that breaks down barriers, creates closeness where there wasn’t any, or magnifies it where there was. Your bodies are certainly closer now, sagging inward toward one another as you laze in mutual drug-induced comfort. Eddie’s used to feeling that influence, but you’re not, so when he reaches out and runs his finger down the back of your hand, you let out a small gasp at the contact. Startled, he jerks his dipping chin upright, bloodshot eyes darting to your face. But he finds no upset there, only surprise and shy pleasure painted across your features. So he plucks your hand from your lap, tugging it gently over to him and letting it rest on his thigh so he can satisfy his fascination with the texture of your skin. Your fingers twitch a little as he laces them with his, slowly dragging his fingertips through the gaps and then down your palm to your wrist. When his thumb comes back up to trace the outside of yours, you nudge into his touch, relaxing into the sensation with a languid sigh.

“Does it feel nice? The high,” he clarifies when you blink at him, droopy-lidded and wearing your little ‘o’ face. He keeps tracing along the valley of your thumb, dipping down and then back up along your index finger, enjoying the tickle of your skin against his calluses.

“Mm-hmm.” You smile, your eyes dropping to your joined hands. “Feels really nice. Kinda floaty, like my head’s not as heavy anymore.”

Eddie crooks a smile, humming his agreement. Lax and pliant, you let him continue to play with your fingers, and he’s suddenly hit with a potent impulsive urge to bring your limp hand to his mouth and nibble your fingertips, lick the smooth polish of your painted nails, suck your pinkie into his mouth and tease your skin with his tongue to see what sound you’d make. He doesn’t do that. But he does let his fingers snake under the sleeve of your fuzzy sweater, let them creep along your forearm up to the crease of your inner elbow. He drags his thumb in slow circles there, crawling around and around until he finds what he’s looking for: a sign that you feel the same stirring in your belly that he feels, revealed by the slightest whisper of a moan his touch pulls from your lips.

Encouraged, Eddie’s hands travel then— tugging out of your sleeve to smooth up your arm and over the dip of your shoulder; palming your neck, dragging up to your ear to cup around the base of your skull; ghosting across your ribcage and down to your hip; then sneaking just beneath the pleats of your tiny skirt, flexing against the hidden skin there. All the while, that liquid heat sloshes around in his belly, spreading low between his hips, dripping down to tighten in his balls and fill out his stiffening cock.

He doesn’t know exactly how it happens, but eventually, you end up laid out on the rough wood bench, your legs dangling to either side of his head as he kneels before you, nosing at the tender skin of your inner thigh. Your sigh is a shuddery, eager thing when his teeth graze the lacy edge of your cotton panties, which to his delight are swallowed up a little by the plump of your pussy lips. “Can I take these off?” Eddie asks, forcedly casual and only slightly gritty as he tries to bite back his own rabid eagerness lest he scare you off with it. But you’re quick to say yes, so quick that it tells him you want this just as much as he does, and maybe even more, though he can scarcely believe that. 

The thought makes him cocky. He eases your panties down, deliberately slow to see if you’ll get impatient. Sure enough, you wiggle your hips, whining quietly to try to hurry him; the power your neediness gives him surges with his arousal as he feels just how damp the fabric is when he balls it in his fist. Hastily, he tucks your panties into his back pocket, his eyes locked on that sweet, swollen place between your legs. 

 "Aw, look’it her,” he croons, splaying his long fingers against your inner thighs to spread you more open for him. “Can't believe you been hiding her all this time under these little skirts you wear.” 

If you’re cute, your pussy is adorable— plump like a peach, wet and ripe and glistening as he presses into your slit with his thumbs and pulls your lips apart to see more of her. She yields easily for him, splitting with a sticky click to reveal your quivering hole and your fat clit already peeking coyly from its hood. “Oh, she's so pretty, baby,” Eddie praises, his mouth watering and his cock jerking in his tight jeans, stiffening further against his zipper. “And she’s so wet already. Bet I can make 'er spit for me." 

You coo, and he lifts his head to see you biting your lip through an eager grin. "Yeah? You excited for me to touch you?" Eddie chuckles, equally fond and condescending. "Aren’t you just a sweet little thing."

“R’you gonna eat my pussy, Eddie?” you ask, and the question is so dirty but your voice sounds so goddamn innocent that he can’t help but chuckle again, this time in disbelief. 

“Yeah, baby,” he rasps, palming himself quickly over his jeans to try to bring relief because his dick is suddenly so fucking hard it aches. “I’m gonna eat your pussy.”

[stereotypicalsanriofemme]

Staggered moans draw from your butch’s chest as you watch her heave, drunk on the air that was your scent. It was that god forsaken time of year— mating season. The time of year where you got wet from the slightest motion from your alpha, and the time of year where it was impossible to not have her hands all over you. It always culminates at one point or another; a pot boiling over, a tea kettle finally screaming. A rut or a heat: whichever was drawn out first of the other.

“Hey, darling,” you said, taking a gentle step forward. Her teeth bare a little more at the small advance and she takes one step back, as if it was a practiced dance. “Are…you okay?”

“Baby,” she whined between slightly-elongated canines. “I…fuck, I didn’t expect it to hit so soon…”

“It’s okay,” you encouraged, giving her a soft smile, hand reaching out. “Is it your rut?”

What a diminutive question. Of course it was— the fucking smell of her arousal, strong like musk with cedarwood and citrus, permeated the whole damn room. No shit that she was in rut.

She gave a pained nod. “You…should probably go,” she said, pausing irregularly as if it hurt to just be in your presence. “I don’t…want to hurt you.”

She was always like this. Too kind, too caring, too perfect. She was the dream alpha for any yearning omega and you somehow lucked out with her, having her in your hands for six months now and going. You knew heats were inevitable, no different than the seasons changing. You just wanted to give her back the love and care she’s given you.

“Baby,” you said, voice quiet. “I want to help you out, please—“

“Absolutely not.” She snarled, and okay, that made some slick leak out of your sensitive cunt. Filing that away in a box for a later moment, you listen to her: “I could hurt you— fuck, I could bite you and force you to me for years, baby. I could make you bleed, I could force you through pain and I’d be too far gone to realize what I’ve done. You’re so perfect, I just don’t want to hurt you—“

“Why do you think as if I’m made of glass?!” You interject. “Please, I just want to help you this cycle. I don’t want to see you suffer, baby, please…”

Her expression is pained. “I… are you sure?” She asked, wavering. “I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you, Angel…”

“Alpha,” you cried, and holy shit; the wood doorframe your butch used to hold herself up fucking splintered and cracked under her grasp.

“Bedroom,” she growled, and in a trance from those words alone, you scurry to the bedroom with her close behind you.

The door slammed in time with her crashing her mouth against yours, grasping and squeezing your jaw open. The pressure on your face forced a high-pitched whine out of your throat as her tongue forced into your mouth, licking over every ounce of your being. She’s pressed so fucking close to you, and oh, fuck, is that her cock pressed against your leg because that feels way bigger than usual—

“God, I love you so much,” she moaned while kissing you, biting down your neck while you fumbled with the buttons on your shirt. Your hands were quickly shoved out of the way the second she tore open your blouse, buttons popping to the ground.

“Hey!” You exclaimed, looking tragically at the buttons on the floor. “I really liked that shirt—“

“I’ll buy you a new one for every time you make me come with that pretty little cunt of yours,” she gritted out, and a whimper escaped your throat as she grabbed you from the thighs and hoisted you up against the wall. Another kiss is ripped from you with her hand against your throat, making you go just a bit limp from how damn good it feels, and all of a sudden you’re being tossed onto the bed like a doll. You look up after the impact of the fall with eager eyes, and see the normal rut glow in her eyes dissipate for just a second.

“Fuck, are you okay?!” She exclaimed, rushing over to you.

“Yes, more than okay,” you encouraged, rubbing her arm. “It’s all okay, baby, don’t force yourself out of a rut for me. I can take it.”

She’s shaking from anxiety, you realize. “Are you sure?” She murmured. “I‘ll…probably be really rough…”

“And that’s a problem how?” You teased. Spreading your legs to show off the panties between your legs wet with slick, you grinned. “C’mon, pretty boy. Show me what a big bad alpha can do, yeah?”

She puffed out air as she moved towards the dresser instead of you, yanking out a clanking, metal contraption.

“Handcuffs? Ooh, kinky,” you teased.

“They’re for me,” she said, and your eyebrows rose a little. “I just…can’t risk hurting you, so please. Handcuff me to the bed. Please,” she begged.

Wordlessly, you nodded, and she moved slowly to the bed and laid down, hands above her head. You affixed the handcuffs above her head, watching her clench them into fists over and over.

“You…want me to ride you?” You murmured, and she nodded desperately.

“Please,” she groaned, grinding into the air, eyes getting that typical alpha glow in them again. “I need some fucking relief from it all, so please baby…”

Thank god for the fact you self lubricated, because the moment you took her pants off you noticed her cock was at least an inch longer than usual and much thicker. You slid the head of her cock between your folds and you moaned together, her at the slick warmth of your cunt and you at the thickness prodding at your entrance. With a deep breaths you pressed the thickness into the entrance and whined upon feeling yourself get stretched open, the utter girth of her cock pressing against every sensitive spot in your pussy. The friction of her cock inside and rubbing your walls was quickly interrupted once you bottomed out, entrance pressing against the extra bulge at the bottom of her cock. Oh fuck, that was her knot.

It was your turn to be breathing heavy, eyes watering from the length inside of you and the way you could feel her pulse and throb inside your tight cunt. “Alpha,” you whined, twitching from the feeling inside. “You’re so big…”

“Jesus fucking Christ, baby, your pussy feels so damn good,” she heaved, hips bucking up ever so slightly into the warm hole. You made a pathetic little chirp at every upward thrust into your cunt, biting onto your lip like a lifeline. The cock was still so overwhelming but you hesitantly lifted up yourself on your legs, trembling with all of your strength before dropping down again with a wet smack.

The noise ripped out of your alpha’s chest was feral, a moan combined with a half-roar, grinding into the perfect, needy hole wrapping around it. You could smell it in the air with how her scent got more intense by the second— she was losing her mind to her rut. Her hands were struggling more against the handcuffs as her hips rut up and up again in your hole. You knew damn well that just rutting wouldn’t be enough for the relief she needed…

And you know what, maybe the idea that popped into your mind wasn’t your best one yet, but my god, did it sound so good. You had only heard the filthy line in your brain spewed in pornos, moaned by needy omegas getting their cunts pumped till they cried. Yet…

“Alpha,” you sobbed out, “breed me, please!”

Her eyes shot open wide with a loud crack in the background. The sound of metal breaking into two clean pieces. You were instantly flipped on your back, legs shoved next to your ears, and shit, talk about something from porn because you were in a fucking mating press. In a mating press, like the good little omega bitch you were, with an alpha’s cock pressed into your cunt, the head kissing your cervix.

The pace she started immediately was relentless, depraved. She fucked you with the hunger of a man starved, your lower back no longer on the bed as she drilled into your pussy over and over.

“Slutty fucking omega,” she growled, letting her knot slap against your rim and balls smack against you over and over again. “You probably wanted this the whole time, didn’t you?”

“Yes!! Fuck, yes, yes, yes, alpha! Please—!” You exclaimed in ecstasy, nails dragging down her back, leaving reddened trails as a trophy for the next morning. “Wan’ your cock, alpha, pleaaaase!”

“‘Course you did, you fucking slut,” she groaned into your ears, thrusting into you with your sweet slick coating her cock, leaning everywhere. “You want my cum? Yeah?”

“Yes!” You shrieked, clinging closer. “Please, alpha, give me your cum!”

“Yeah? Wanna be a good little breeding bitch for me?” She moaned, thrusting into your pussy with a newfound aggression. “Carry my fucking litter? Huh? Wanna take my litter and give alpha some pups?”

You can only moan brokenly in response as her cock continued to batter your cervix, your legs still pressed next to your ears. Maybe this was your place. Maybe you were meant to be a good, warm hole for a big, strong alpha; a dripping bitch in heat to be taken care of and always pumped full of cum.

“C’mon, omega, take my fucking knot,” she growled, and only then do you feel the bulging in her cock grow larger and larger, smacking against your entrance and bullying its way into your pussy. An unfamiliar sensation creeped up into your body— a tightness in your cunt, a burning sensation.

“Alpha, wait, wait, wait, alpha,” you cry brokenly, clutching against her back and holding right as the knot grew bigger and bigger, entering your cunt with every thrust, “Somethin’s coming out, alpha—!”

She was so out of it, teeth bared and staring at you like you were prey. And all of a sudden, that burning feeling snapped, and you squirted. The fluid splattered as your ears rang the moment hee knot popped inside, your cunt finally stretched open and plugged with her fat knot locking her cum inside of your pussy. Everything was hazy; your orgasm milking more and more cum out of her cock that shot inside of you. It was a pleasant warmth inside of you. You felt satisfied, as if you had a purpose. You felt full.

Your panting breaths slow down over time with hers, clutching each other post-orgasm. She nuzzled your neck with the comedown, knot shoved inside of you, keeping the cum where it’s supposed to be. Just the thought made you a little more horny— the knot was there to make sure you got knocked up with your alpha’s litter. It didn’t sound like a bad idea at this point, spending some much time with your alpha, forever…the idea makes another wet gush of slick come out around her cock. However, this time it felt like a lot more, like your body was preparing itself for—

Your alpha suddenly goes still from scenting you.

“Omega…did you just start your heat?”

…it was going to be a long week.

[made 4 lesbians, lesbians interact :3 straight people this fantasy was not made for you please DNI]

[sunny44]

Co-parenting (Part 5)

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Ex!reader

Warnings: none

Summary: Co-parenting is never easy but y/n never thought it would be so hard.

Previous Chapter

The revelation hung heavy in the air, casting a new light on our already complicated dynamics. As Carlos’s words echoed in my mind, I found myself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions. Confusion, longing, and a glimmer of hope danced within me, each vying for supremacy.

But amid the turmoil, one thing remained clear: I needed time to process.

“Carlos.” I began, my voice barely above a whisper, “I don’t know what to say.”

He nodded, his expression a mix of understanding and apprehension.

“I know it’s a lot to take in, Y/n. I didn’t mean to catch you off guard.”

Silence settled between us, punctuated only by the steady rhythm of waves crashing against the shore. With each passing moment, the weight of his confession seemed to grow heavier, pressing upon me with an intensity that left me breathless.

“I need some time.” I finally managed to say, my words wavering slightly. “To think and understand things. Not to mention this situation with Max, and I don’t know what we are or aren’t.”

Carlos nodded again, his unwavering gaze as he reached out to gently squeeze my hand.

“Do you love him?” He asks.

“I don’t know, we’ve known each other for a really short time for me to love him.”

“But we were like that.”

“I know, but I knew from the first day I saw you that I loved you.” He looked at me for a few seconds and looked back at the sea. “But it doesn’t mean I can’t love him, things are different.”

“Take all the time you need, Y/n. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.”

With a heavy heart, I get up from the sand, the cool breeze of the night enveloping me like a balm. As I made my way back to the house, I couldn’t shake the lingering sense of unease that persisted within me, nor the persistent echo of Carlos’s confession.

Entering the dimness of the interior, I found myself drawn to Maeve’s room, where she slept peacefully, her face illuminated by the soft glow of the bedside lamp. Looking at her, a wave of love and protectiveness washed over me, mingling with the uncertainty clouding my thoughts.

In the quiet of the room, I allowed myself to reflect on Carlos’s words, turning them over in my mind. The truth of his feelings was undeniable, but what did that mean for us? For our family? And what about Max, whose presence still lingered in the recesses of my mind?

With these thoughts swirling in my mind, I walked to the room I was staying in and lay down, only to be pulled from my thoughts when my phone vibrated.

Max

Max

Hey, how’s your summer vacation?

Me

Hey there

It’s been very lovely

Maeve is enjoying every minute of it

Max

That’s nice

I was about to ask if she was having fun

Me

She is

But I think she’s more excited to tell her friends about it than the vacations itself

Max

What about Carlos?

Me

What about him?

Max

Are you guys enjoying together?

Me

Please, don’t do that

Max

I’m just asking

I’ve seen the news about him and Rebecca and I presumed that they broke up because of you

Me

Yeah, it’s been a strange day

Max

You don’t have to be ashamed of it

I always knew he still loved you

Just the way he looks at you

Me

I don’t know what to say

Max

Did he tell you something?

Me

He told me that he broke up with her because of me

Max

And what did you feel when he told you that?

Me

I felt confused, scared and a lot of things

Max

Do you still love him?

Me

Maybe yes, maybe not

I don’t know how to feel

Max

I really like you and I want you to be happy

So if that means for you to be with him, I’m ok with that

And I also know how good would make Maeve feel

I grew up with a lot of traumas and I would’ve done anything to grow up close to my mom and my sister

Me

But what about us?

Max

I’m still gonna be your friend and I’m gonna be here anytime you need me

But I need you to tell me who do you choose, I don’t wanna catch any strong feelings for you if you still love him

Me

Thank you Max

I’m not gonna decide anything right now, but I promise I’ll let you know everything

I’ll just enjoy the vacation and focus on my daughter and not in my complicated love life

Max

Yeah and I’m part of the complication

Me

A good part

Max

Thank you

Good night and we can talk in person when you come back

Me

Yes, that’s better

Night Max

After the chat I’m with Max, I felt somewhat relieved, but still overwhelmed by the confusion hanging over my love life. As I lay in bed, I realized how complicated things had become and the weight of the decisions I needed to make.

The gentle breeze of the night flowed in through the partially open window, bringing with it a comforting freshness that contrasted with the turmoil in my mind. As I closed my eyes, I allowed myself to sink into a restless sleep, where dreams and worries mingled in a confusing tangle.

The next morning, I woke to the sunlight filtering through the curtains, bringing with it a new day full of possibilities and uncertainties. I decided I needed a moment to clear my mind.

So I went for a walk along the beach, seeking tranquility amidst nature. The sound of waves gently crashing against the shore was comforting, and the smell of the sea enveloped me, bringing a sense of calm and serenity.

As I walked, I let my thoughts wander freely, trying to find clarity amidst the chaos.

That’s when I came across a small seashell in the sand, its vibrant colors catching my eye. Curious, I bent down to pick it up, feeling its smooth texture in my hands, thinking Maeve would like it so I took it with me.

“Mommy.” I heard her voice and turned to see her in a bikini and Carlos in just a pair of shorts and no shirt.

“Good morning, my love.” I picked her up and he kept coming towards me.

It was like one of those movie scenes where the hot guy walks up to the main character in slow motion.

“Look what I found and picked up for you.” I put her down and handed her the shell.

“Daddy, look what mommy gave me.”

“Wow, that’s beautiful.” He smiled at her.

“I’ll see if I can find one for you too.” She stepped back a bit.

“Did I interrupt?”

“No, you’re not interrupting. I was just clearing my mind.” I replied trying to keep calm.

“Can I join you? I needed a moment to get my head straight too.” he said, sincerity in his gaze.

“Of course, feel free.” I agreed, reaching out to him.

We walked together along the beach, letting the gentle sound of the waves guide us. Maeve walked a bit ahead of us trying to find the perfect shells while we walked side by side.

For a moment, the weight of our past conversations hung in the air, but there was also a lightness, a sense of comfort in each other’s presence.

“So, how are you feeling?” Carlos asked, breaking the silence.

“Confused, I guess. With everything that happened… and the things you told me.” I admitted, feeling vulnerable before him.

He nodded understandingly, offering a friendly shoulder.

“I understand. I didn’t mean to overwhelm you with my feelings, but I needed to be honest with you.” he explained, looking me in the eyes.

“I know. And I appreciate that, even if it’s hard to understand.” I replied, returning his gaze.

“Y/n, I just want you to know that I’m here for you, no matter what happens. Whatever your decision, I’ll be by your side.” he said, sincerity in his words. “Such as a father, a friend or someone to share life with.”

Those words touched my heart in a way I didn’t expect. It was comforting to know that, despite all the complications, we still had each other.

“Thank you, Carlos. That means a lot to me.” I murmured, feeling a wave of gratitude wash over me.

We continued our walk in silence, our steps synchronized with the rhythm of the waves.

…

We returned from the trip and I was still uncertain about my love life. I really like Max, genuinely, he has been nothing but affectionate and understanding, but there’s not that spark that Carlos and I had.

Or still have.

That’s why I left Maeve with my parents and went to Carlos’s house. But I had a surprise when I knocked on his door and Rebecca opened it.

“Hi Y/n, did you come to bring Maeve?” She says smiling.

And it was like my heart broke at that moment, because just a little while ago he was saying he still loved me and that he had broken up with her but the fact that she opened the door of his house makes me think otherwise.

“In fact, I…”

“Found everything?” I heard his voice that was surprised to see me. “Y/n? What are you doing here?”

“Nothing I shouldn’t have come.”

“Wait, I was already leaving.” She says. “I just came to pick up my things and I’m leaving. Thank you for letting me come Carlos, I’m sorry they sent these things here.”

“It’s okay.” She waves to him and to me before getting into the car and driving away.“Are you okay? Is it something with Maeve?”

“No, we’re fine.” He’s relieved.

“Well then come in, no need to stay out here.”

“Sure.” Somewhat uncertain I walked in. “I wouldn’t have come if I knew she would be here.”

“It’s okay, actually she asked last minute if she could come pick up these things and since I was home I said she could. But if I knew you were coming I would have told her to come another time.”

“I understand.”

“We didn’t get back together if that’s what you’re thinking. I was serious about what I told you that day.”

“That’s what I came to talk about, actually.” He nodded. “Can you get me some water please?”

“Of course.” He leads me to the kitchen and hands me a glass of water.

“I came to talk about us.”

“Sure.” He says and sits on one of the stools in his kitchen island but I keep standing holding the glass.

“I thought a lot about what you said and I want to try again.” As soon as I said that he froze. “Carlos.”

“I’m listening.” He says.

“I thought about Maeve, about you but mainly about me and my feelings for you.” I took another sip of water. “And I never stopped loving you, we didn’t break up because there was a lack of love or respect, it was the best decision for us at that time.”

“I agree.”

“So I thought a lot about me and what would be best for our family and if you still want I…” he interrupts me and kisses me.

It was like the first time again, the warmth and butterflies in my stomach and the feeling of happiness were amazing.

“I swear I’ll do everything to prove I’m willing to make it work.” He whispered with our foreheads touching. “And I promise I’ll be a better father.”

“You’re already a good father, and Maeve would agree with me if she was here.” He laughs.

“Thank you for giving me another chance, I promise I won’t waste it.”

“I know you won’t.”

“What do you think about picking up our daughter and going out to dinner?” He says and I smile.

“I think it’s a perfect idea.” He smiles and kisses me.

Bonus scene!

Yourusername Instagram stories

“Lovely days.”

Tag list: @ietss @lightdragonrayne @xoscar03 @shobaes @evans-dejong @ggaslyp1 @bingewatche @loaves4me @alinacecee @justdreamersdream @janeholt @rafaaoli @maxverstappendefender @khaylin27 @xoscar03 @d3kstar @iloveallmyboys @bernelflo

Heyy guys, thank you so much for following the story this far. I know many of you wanted her to end up with Max, but I would have to post many more chapters to develop their relationship, and besides, it was never my intention for her to be with Max, Carlos always was the end game. I’m also so busy that I won’t have much time to do anything more than one chapter.

But that’s it, thank you all so much ❤️

[i4bellingham]

hi! if you are taking requests:

could i ask for an angst of jude and the reader getting into a fight which results in the reader leaving the house? but jude gets worried about them?

thank you!!!

i also love your fics so much

I LOVE YOU, I’M SORRY : jude bellingham x reader

cw: cussing, misunderstandings, jude being an asshole in the first half but don’t worry because he redeems himself :P

i need to recover from my writer's block some more, i am not a fan of how this piece turned out 😭

You're not sure if Jude fully understands your argument, or if he does, there is a possibility that he deems it unnecessary to recognize the weight of your worries because he just do not give a single fuck about it.

Instead of trying to see from where you're coming from, he does the opposite and tries to divert the entire conversation happening in a different direction. Point-blank counters, shifting blames and the refusal to look into the bigger picture of what's happening around him becomes his defense mechanism.

Worst of it all? This has been going on for two weeks now, and he's never once acknowledged your worries let alone ease them down. And quite frankly, you're just tired of it all.

You love Jude, that's an irrefutable fact but just because you love him doesn't mean you'll continue staying with him unless something changes. Especially how he treats your current concern in the relationship.

“You’re being ridiculous. She’s part of the team, she treats everybody like that.” Here goes his usual counter attack, rapidly shrugging off your uneasiness just as fast as you've voiced them out.

An exasperated sigh leaves your lips, you know this conversation with him will end in the same way it had just like yesterday; unresolved and thrown out of the window.

“‘She treats everybody like that’? So she goes to wipe every player’s sweat off their bodies too Jude? Is that it?” You sarcastically ask. “Funny how I’ve never seen her do it once or did she do it in time when she knew I’d arrive?”

Jude looks like he's trying to hold himself from screaming at you to understand his point; a pointless argument one both of you can't win unfortunately, as he too grits his teeth and the inevitable shutting of the television off is drawn as he stands up from the couch.

“I’m done here. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He says before making his way towards the stairs.

“You never want to talk about anything if it comes to her. I don’t know why but you're awfully protective of her Jude.” Your own words bring a sting to your chest. You know you're just pushing him to his limit at this point but recalling all those times since last week that he's evaded any talk about her or your worries that she's crossing a professional line with him, you yourself is barely hanging on a thread from snapping.

Jude stops and whips his entire body to face you. There is a tight frown on his face, brows pulling in a scrunch before a scoff leaves him. He walks back on the first level of the stairs, crossed arms and frowning face.

“Are ya hearin’ yourself right now?” He incredulously asks you. “You’re soundin’ ridiculous with thisㅡ this accusations that you have-”

You stand up from sitting on the couch. “They’re not accusations Jude. Merely something that I noticed since you've refused to talk to her about setting boundaries especially in a professional setting like that.”

“It’s weird to talk about it with her considerin’ she’s not doing anything wrong-”

“Oh so invading my boyfriend’s personal space, being a complete bitch when I’m there and being awfully comfortable with touching you is not wrong!?” You cut him off, the rise and fall of your chest apparent as you spoke from your voice raising. “I’m not even asking you for something big Jude, all I want is for you to settle a boundary with her because as your girlfriend I feel disrespected by her and her actionsㅡ and you're not making me feel any better by taking her fucking side every time we talk. I’m so tired of having this conversation all the time just for my worries to remain unresolved, I’m just so fucking tired of you Jude...”

Swiping off your phone and car keys from the table, you left a stunned Jude at the bottom of the stairs as you drove off and away from your so called home. If he can't get a grip and start acting like how a boyfriend should, then you don't have anything to stay for in this relationship. Not even the love he proclaims he have for you.

ㅡ

You don’t know how long you've been sitting here. With your phone completely shut off and the silence inside the car being your only company, there was nothing else for you to do but wallow in self-pity and self-hatred.

You don't understand why it was so difficult for Jude to have the talk that you've asked him for since last week. Why he was so bothered by the idea of setting a professional boundary with one of the team’s new athletic trainers was beyond you.

He had always hit you with the same lines that she wasn't doing anything wrong, that she's part of the team and that it was awkward to have that kind of talk with her yada yada. Honest to God if you didn't have this much trust on Jude, you're near to thinking and convincing yourself that he's probably cheating, and that thought alone makes you wanna hurl the content of your stomach from tonight's dinner.

You've had countless of talks about him and setting boundaries, you've had multiple fights because of her but never once were your worries ever acknowledged by your own boyfriend. And it pains you more than anything to go through such a situation where you feel like your feelings are being invalidated in the relationship that you try so hard to understand and have patience for.

It wasn't a huge request. You didn't ask him to move the moon for you, fix the climate change or explore the entire ocean floor but to merely establish a limit and an extent to where she can act out in her comfort. But unfortunately things just doesn't work in the way you wanted them too so now you're here, sat inside your car with the heater blasting on in the outskirts of the city alone.

And you stay there for a few more hours just until the sliver of sun peek through in between the mountain ranges. You think you may have dozed off in your seat at some point during the entire night you were there but you don't dwell on the thought for too long, not when you have to drive all the way back in the city to face another dreaded day with the possibility of yet another fight happening.

You purse your lips, recalling the last time that either you or Jude went home and there was no worries for things like this. It seems almost so long ago when the both of you were reveling in each other's presence, finding comfort in one another as you do the most mundane task in existence.

It just feels so nostalgic, almost like you have completely lost whatever comfort you found in your relationship once when it's being challenged right now by factors that shouldn't even be treated as a major threat to your relationship right now. Only if Jude knows how to listen and acknowledge and you to be more patient and level-headed.

You stop by a local cafè where you and Jude used to stop by during the early mornings before, only halting the visits when he gifted you a coffeemaker for Christmas last year. You got yourself yours and Jude’s usual drinks before purchasing a few pastries and treats before you're driving back to your shared home.

You were in the process of locking your car door when the door to your house opened, and came rushing out was Jude still in his pajamas, phone in hand before he's wrapping you in his embrace.

“Where have you been? Do you know how worried I am? I’ve called your phone a million times and you weren't answering. I called your friends thinking you were there with them but they told me that you haven't gone by to visit for an entire week. I drove in the city looking for you for hours and I couldn't find youㅡ Do you know how worried sick I am? Where have you been the entire night Y/N?” He continues, reprimanding you as he guided you back inside the house with a grip over your shoulders. “Have you got your phone with you? You've got it with you haven't you? Why didn't you answer any of my calls-?”

“It was turned off the entire night Jude.”

Jude scoffs at your passive tone of voice, watching as you drop the bag of pastries over the kitchen counter along with his coffee before your walking up the stairs with an obvious sag on your shoulders.

“You could have called me and told me you were safe no? I was worried sick about you.” Jude follows you to your bedroom as you went inside the en suite bathroom to wash up. “Seriously Y/N you should've at least texted me.”

“Right. Apologies, won’t happen next time.” He hears you reply just before the door to the bathroom shut close.

Alone in your shared room, Jude becomes heavily aware of your nonchalance, the thick wall of ice separating you both. He noticed that you never once look him in the eye upon arriving home, opting to fix your gaze on the monochrome walls of the house than to look at his face entirely.

You never pushed him away from touching you, but by the slight adjustments you made while being in his hold, Jude knew he fucked up big time. He knew that he did even last night, the moment you told him that you were tired of him.

Jude isn't sure if you realized the words to leave your lips last night but nonetheless, Jude knows he deserves them. Heck he doesn't even deserve to be in the same house as you right now let alone be in the presence of your tempering patience especially with how badly he had acted for the last two weeks.

He doesn't know where you get the patience for him from but he knows he needs to change and make some adjustments. In order to keep you from walking away from his life, Jude knows he needs to change some things in himself in order to not make the same mistakes again. God knows what will happen to him if he loses you, he doesn't even want to know.

Jude waits patiently as you wash up, picking up some undergarments from your wardrobe before lining it over the bed with one of his oversized jumpers and shorts. He sits by the bed, resting his back against the wooden headboard as he waits for you to finish, fiddling with his phone as he sends a last text to someone before chucking the device on the pillows.

You leave the bathroom with a steamy smoke from your shower, pausing on the doorway to stare at the clothes all laid out for you on the bed and the (most likely) perpetrator of it who sat awkwardly on your side of the bed, mouth slightly open as he softly snored with his arms crossed over his chest.

You took the clothes he prepped for you, turning to change in the bathroom before throwing away your dirtied clothes in the hamper.

You give one last glance at Jude before gently closing the bedroom door behind you as you walk downstairs and into the kitchen. You'd rather be here just in case Jude wakes up on the bed, it would be awkward and a little difficult for you to be in the same room as him right now with no clarity or any sort of proper conversation happening in between the two of you.

You’re not by any means raising your pride up in the ceiling but you certainly are a bit hesitant at the thought of letting Jude talk to you just easy as that after the way he treated you. You'll talk to him yes but he'll have to earn the rights again after being a complete ass for more than two days.

Fetching your pastries and the remaining of your drink, you began munching on your food as you scrolled through your phone. You know you should be taking some rest and sleeping after an entire night out but you couldn't bring yourself to sleep. You think it's not exactly the time for you to sleep when you have your head filled with a magnitude of thoughts about where you'll be picking up your relationship with Jude. You yourself know you'll get zero to none wink of sleep even if you lay down on the soft cushioned couch you have in your living room, you know even that won't suffice and you normally are able to sleep there after a few minutes of laying down. That alone says something.

Speaking of Jude, your boyfriend walks down the stairs with a small frown on his face. He silently takes the stool next to you, letting you have some peace and silent that lasted shortly after you've gotten it.

“Y/N... Love, can we talk?”

You continue scrolling through your phone, not once passing him a glance.

“Oh? I thought you don’t want to talk? You told me that just last night if I recall correctly-”

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean it.”

“Didn’t you?” You scoff.

Jude heaves a deep breath in, trying to calm his nerves from the nonchalance and passiveness that's coming from you. “Can we talk? Please?”

You didn't respond. Not immediately, at least.

You let him sit there beside you with nothing but the sounds coming from your phone serve as the only source of noise from your sudden silence. You let the silence drag on until Jude himself couldn't take it anymore.

“Okay... you don't have to say anything but please listen to me okay?” Still no response. Jude sighs yet again before bracing himself for his explanation. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I acted like a complete arse to you and disregarded your worries in our relationship. As your boyfriend I shouldn't have done what I did, I should've been better. I should've listened to you and done exactly what you asked of me because I don’t want you to worry about anything in this relationship. And I failed to do that. I’ve been a shitty boyfriend to you and you don't deserve that. You don't deserve to be treated in the way that I treated you and I know I can't take back what fuck-ups I did but all I can do now is to make up for it. If you can give me another chance to be a better boyfriend to you, I’ll be better. I will try to be better, for you.”

Jude takes one of your hand, noticing you staring blankly at the screen of your phone and fingers paused midway from scrolling through another tiktok.

“I’m so sorry love, I promise to better. Please forgive me...”

You close your phone off, gaze landing on the apologetic gaze Jude had as he held your hand against his cheek.

“I’m not entirely forgiving you. You hurt me too much-”

“I know love I know, and I'll take what you can give me... If I have to work for your forgiveness I will.”

You slowly nod your head with a soft exhale, watching how Jude’s lips pull up into a smile as he thanks you underneath his breath for countless of times.

Jude takes his phone from his pockets before he slides the device to you, and in the screen is a conversation he's had with the girl whom you're not really fond of. He’s just basically asked her to fuck off of text from the chain of messages she's sent him, and by his rather rude way of wording in his texts which you were about to point out, Jude chimes in.

“I’m planning on talking to her during training too.” He tells you sheepishly as you scroll through the one-sided conversation of his messages with her. “And I want you to be there... as much of an arse move that is, I want you to witness the conversation with her.”

“Jude I just want you to set boundaries with her-”

“And I will.” Jude interrupts you. “I will love, but I just don't want you to overthink things so I want you to be there when I do. This is just one step of me asking for your forgiveness. I still have a long way to go and I’m gonna do them in my own pace to not mess things up but I will work on them, and I will show you that forgiving me won’t be for nothing.”

You wrap both your arms around his neck, burying your face on the crook of his neck as Jude pulls you close to him.

“I’m so sorry again love, for everything.”

“You’re not entirely forgiven but at least you're a step in being forgiven.”

Jude chuckles against your hair, planting a kiss on your temple.

“I know... I know, just wanted you to know how sorry I am. I love you, and I’m really sorry.”

[insidefernweh]

Well, hello.

A couple months ago one silly woman (me) decided that it’s time for creativity to take a hold of her and let something cool into this world.

And that’s how I decided to give birth to…a The Amazing Devil blanket. Or I might have dreamed it whilst being feverish. Who knows.

It’s been three months of stitching, embroidering, sewing, unmaking the mistakes, cursing, saying ‘waahheeey’ at the end of the complete step, cursing again and enjoying the hell out of the process of something being made into the realness. 

It is literally the embodiment of me. I love it and hate it equally. It has got my favourite quotes from the songs. Yes, that’s me — your favourite girl with maelstrom of lyrics instead of a brain. It also has got some of my blood somewhere along the stitches (did i do it on purpose to please the fae gods aka Joey and Madeleine? you’ll never know. hashtag blood magic.) I wanted to get it done for the Ruin Appreciation Week (though it contains lyrics from all albums) so that was me last week because it was very FAR from being done:

I’m posting the bigger picture + close ups of smaller details and songs’ lyrics. Please feel free to reach out if you want to see a better close up or just to pat me on the head.

I’m posting a video too. It’s silly so enjoey. (ha! see what I did here. that was a typing accident. it’s 1am now. forgive me my jokes.)

warning: the video include some probably offensive actions to the professional seamstresses. i’m only a humble ignorant person who decided to sew for the first time in her life. i do hope you’ll like it.

references used:

the central embroidery: TAD’s old picture from some posters back in the love run era + some sage and forget-me-nots

top right and left bottom corners: pictures of joey and madeleine

songs: secret worlds, the calling, inkpot gods, drinking song for the socially anxious, chords, farewell wanderlust, not yet/love run (reprise), that unwanted animal, battle cries, elsa’s song, wild blue yonder

UPD: A few of you have been asking about the quotes I used on my blanket/quilt and why I chose them so here I am:

If you ask me for my fire, just watch me burn — you know what, I recently started to interpret this line in a positive way? It was a recent thing I understood about myself. I always thought I was good at working/doing things well in the long run, when you have to do it patiently and for years but in my journey of self-discovery I realized that in reality I’m much better as a sprinter — someone who does an incredible job while being under the vast amount of pressure and when you need to do it in a restricted period of time; I will give all of myself to this project/work, every bit of passion I have, every bit of patience. So yeah. If you ask me for my fire — just watch me burn. But then I’ll hibernate for a month. 

Can’t you hear it howling? — OKAY HANDS DOWN PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE LYRICS/MELODY SECTION FROM THE WHOLE RUIN ALBUM. Even not the part that is sung by Madeleine, but the back voices Joey’s harmonies sing in the final chorus at 4:28 and till the end. OOOOH WHY SO GOOD.

If I don’t make it back from where i’ve gone just know I loved you all along — this is such a beautiful closing of the song. also such a tormenting thought. i love it.

Such endless blue — I’ve always been drawn to the dark blue colours, especially when I paint. I always run out of the blue watercolour because contrary to this song, it’s not endless :D I’m manifesting an abyss of blue watercolour for myself here lol

You say the words so often but I barely know the meaning — okay so Elsa’ Song is primarily pretty heartbreaking right? The more heartbreaking part being that it is sung as a lullaby. Who didn’t have that moment when the meaning of the words you’re saying slips through your fingers just because you said them too often? Who didn’t have that sad awakening moment of losing trust in a person just because they always promised something and never did it?

After summers of fasting I feel hunger at last — I’ve been thinking about tattooing this quote for quite a while now. It reminds me of my depressive state which very often returned to me in summer and every time it slowly creeped away, I felt the hunger for life in the early autumn.  Every time felt like an eternity. 

Is nought but fumble-falls and guns and tumbleweeds, love, run — my favourite quote from the superior use of the English language that is that section in Love Run. I am in love with it. All the phonetic twirls makes me shiver sometimes.

Well, hello my hollow Holofernes — ALLITERATION SUPREMACY!!  

I’ll sing silence and ask my glass of wine for guidance — i love to sit at home alone and stare into my glass. it doesn’t answer though. what about it. and again — to sing silence? OXYMORONS GIVE ME THEM

Go tell me how we fucked you up and oh my god, it’s so unfair — ah. the hardship of parenting/teaching. I was there, I remember it all too well. 

Let’s us waltz for the dead — the oxymoronic style of this line IS JUST A CHEF’S KISS. WALTZ? VERY SOPHISTICATED THING? FOR THE DEAD? NOT THAT PLEASANT TYPE OF A THING? mister batey let me boop you affectionately on the nose you are so clever.

[pansy-picnics]

Sorry but your recent artwork has me thinking about parent Varigo and I have to dump my thoughts somewhere. I feel like, if they actually had a kid it would be really emotional for them but in different ways. Varian finds out he’s pregnant and is a little scared at first, but he actually adjusts to the idea pretty fast and is excited about it, because he’s in a good place now and has a good support system. He doesn’t have to worry about his family judging him, he knows they’ll still see him for who he is. Hugo on the other hand is terrified. But not because he doesn’t wanna be a dad, he’s pretty excited about that, he’s just really scared that Varian is going to get sick from the pregnancy, or that the whole experience is gonna be too much for him. He feels like this is just another thing he’s “putting Varian through” because he’s still not quite over the guilt of his betrayal years ago, and now it’s coming back to haunt him. They work it out of course and Hugo realizes that it’s gonna be okay and that he also can depend on Varian’s family for support because they’re his family too. Now I’m emotional. Anyway I love your art <3

AUGHHHH YEAH YEAH THIS IS SO REAL!!!!! i love plots like that fr, their characters are so fun to explore😭😭😭 Honestly? i think in the right circumstances hugo could be a deadbeat dad. like he could just straight up leave bc he’s paranoid varian or the kid would get hurt or he’d put them in danger or something. he’s the kind of guy who’s always Running! like i could think of scenarios where he’d run away on their wedding day too. those are both horrible extremes SORRY FOR THE ANGST I JUST THINK IT’S NEAT.

i think hugo’s always WANTED a family but its something she’s always viewed as unachievable, mostly bc of the shitty living situation hes been in for most of his life. she could barely survive on her own and she’d never want to drag someone else into that yk? and she’s still scared of that commitment even after she moves into the castle, bc what if she DID have a kid and then something happened and she couldn’t take care of them anymore, or she ends up on the streets again….and what if she just ends up abandoning them? what if she’s no better than the parents she never even knew? it’s like, obviously she wouldn’t do any of those things or be in those situations but she has….a Lot of anxiety around it for sure. but i also think that she tries to adopt literally every orphan she and varian see. she LOVES kids as much as she pretends she doesn’t and its very obvious….she just hasn’t really had the privilege to be able to think about it until now.

varian…i think he goes either way, he doesn’t really plan to have kids but he’ll kinda learn to adjust to whatever, he’s also just a very family oriented guy so he’s definitely not opposed to that kind of role. in my head they usually adopt bc i think varian like, Hates anything related to the human body at all so even disregarding the gender dysphoria pregnancy is SO gross to him. idk why i just think he’s silly like that. hell make bombs and poisonous chemicals but he remembers people have organs and he wants to throw up. i’m not opposed to the idea of them having biological kids at all though…especially considering all the art i’ve already drawn for it’s us against the world LOL. personally i think even if he weren’t opposed to the idea he’d be miserable the entire time, and not even like in a serious way necessarily he’s just REALLY mad that he can’t work in the lab anymore. he’s pissed about EVERYTHING, actually. he’s bored and he’s tired and he can’t work and he feels like shit and he doesn’t really have any other hobbies either. his whole life and routine has been completely fucked over for nine months and SURE he loves the kid and he’s excited but like why does it need to be in there that long. why can’t it just come from the stork or something. 🙄/j

i think he might pick a few fights with hugo bc of it, just because he’s so overwhelmed and emotional and doesn’t know how to handle it, but hugo’s really understanding; also they’ll honestly take any kind of treatment from him because they’re like, “Yeah i probably deserved that”. which varian does NOT like btw and always gets on his ass later to stick up for himself more while also in tears apologizing for yelling at him

idk i just think them as parents would be Sooo silly. neither of them have any clue what they’re doing. dude if those two had a baby? Dude can you imagine? varian’s sooo fucking sheltered i think he’s only interacted with like, 2 babies in his entire life. quirin stays with them for tje first few weeks bc varian literally just has NO clue what he’s doing and is crying to him all the time. and hugo like, has an idea of what to do but he’s also SUPER paranoid. they’re both just staring at the kid while they sleep not so much out of adoration but because they’re just terrified they’ll stop breathing at any moment. you cant convince me that either of them know how to change a diaper. They’re gonna bring out like full lab gear. like the gag where the dads will pull out full hazmat suits for the diaper change. That’s them idc

ruddiger is also SO protective of their kids from the moment they’re born, like he jumps up into the crib and snuggles up with them and they always IMMEDIATELY stop crying. olivia is the opposite. she’s kinda like a toddler who just got a new sibling she didn’t want. shes pissed that she isn’t getting hugo’s full attention and keeps being a brat about it. hugo’s just trying to calm down his baby and olivias glaring at him while she’s about to push a glass off the table

yeah idk i. have a lot of thoughts abt them too they’re so beloved to me

[thedragonqueensblog]

Jasper Hale///My Werewolf is My Soulmate

Request By: @characterxreaderimagine Jasper Hale: Fem! Reader is the new girl in town who is a werewolf and Seth's older sister and jaspers mate then when jasper fells in love with her he tried every way to be close with her until she starts to have feelings for him.. but here's a little twist.. Bella is jealous of her and jaspers relationship because she and Edward aren't that sweet of a couple as the two are..

A/n Hey guys, sorry for the wait. I have been having headaches that barely went away yesterday and I have had. Block writers but I'm back and I hope that everyone loves this story again. Sorry. If you don't like the story, I'll redo it. Thank you for requesting

Warning: Jealous Bella I got carried away and made her jealous of the relationship

You were new to Fork Washington you were on your way to meet up with your little brother and the pack they all were excited to see you again after not seeing you in months

“You’re finally here.” Seth pulls you into a hug “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

“We're glad to see you again sister, it's been a long time. Jacob beamed. Yes, he calls you sister even if you're not related to him.

“I apologize for not visiting, I was occupied.” you smiled sadly

“There's no need to fret, sister. We're all happy that you're here.” Seth tells you

You let out a chuckle "where’s the others?"

"In the kitchen making your favorite food, let's take you to see them." Jacob helped you carried your stuff

"Guys, look who's here? your favorite person.” Seth announces with a smile.

“Sorry Seth, Jacob and you are not our favorite person, our favorite person is your sister.” Sam cackled not looking up at them

“Rude.” Seth mumbled. “But I wasn’t talking about us, I was talking about Y/n.”

Sam looked at you and smiled. “Y/n, You’re finally here the fun sibling of Seth.”

Seth crossed his arms and pretended to be angry. “Just because my sister is more enjoyable and skilled than me and that you all have fondness for her, doesn't mean you all can bully me.”

"Awe, is someone jealous of their sister?" you teased with a laugh

“Of course they all love you but what about me?” Seth pretends to fake cry

"Will it make it better? if I tell you that I love you more than them?" you whispered in his ear

Seth wiped off his fake tears "Heck yes sis, I love you more.”

“What are you whispering to one another?” Jared asked looking at both of you

“That she loves me more than you guys.” Seth smirks

"No, she doesn't." Paul says “she loves me more.”

“I apologize for interrupting, but we have some visitors.” Embry replied, annoyed

“Who's here? That got you annoyed?” Jacob asked confused on why he’s annoyed

Embry shook his head as he rolled his eyes, "it's Bella and the bloodsuckers.”

"Blood suckers? What is the reason for vampires visiting you all? and why is Bella with them?" You looked at your pack with an concerned look

Seth looks at you "It’s a long story that we're going to tell you about right now let's see what they want.”

Jasper's attention was drawn to the beautiful lady walking behind the Uley pack, He hadn't seen such a beautiful woman before

"What do you guys need?” Sam asked crossing his arms

“We're not looking for a fight if that's what you think.” A guy front of Bella answers

You were even more confused on what was going on between your pack and the vampires "can someone explain to me what's going on?”

“Y/n, when did you arrive?” Bella hugs you happily

You hug back with a smile "a while ago".

“Meet Edward Cullen, my boyfriend, and his adopted brother Jasper Hale.” Bella tells you

“It's a pleasure to meet you guys.” With a confused smile, you shook their hands

“It's a pleasure to meet you too darling.” Jasper kisses your hand.

Your brother pushed you behind him "please do me a favor. Don't call her that and tell us what you guys want?, if not, then leave.”

“Seth there's no reason for you to get mad at My brother for calling Y/n Darling.” Edward glared

He glared back "Maybe because she's my sister and I have to protect her from danger.”

“Maybe it's better for us to go. we can talk later.” Bella tries to break the tension between the pack and The two vampires with a smile

Edward looked over at the pack then at Bella “Fine we're leaving but later on we're going to talk about this.”

“Yeah, whatever you say.” Paul mumbled rolling his eyes

“Bye darling, hope to see you soon.” Jasper winks before leaving, making the pack mad.

"That heck he won't." Jared growls “You won’t either got it?”

You rolled your eyes in frustration.” It's not like I have any feelings for him or anything. I barely met him.”

Sam smiled. “That's good, don't go for guys like them. You deserve better than them.”

“I can tell that you liked Y/n I saw the way you were looking at her with love eyes.” Bella tells him

Jasper smiles, “Was it apparent? I feel like she's my soulmate. I really love her.”

"If she's your soulmate, then good luck with her brother.” She beamed, “he’s overprotective of her even if she’s older than him.”

“She's my soulmate whether he likes it or not, he can't do nothing about it.” He rolled his eyes

Bella could feel that she was pissing off Jasper, so she decided to keep her mouth shut as she saw Jasper asked Alice questions about you

“Jasper you're right Y/n is your soulmate I do see a future with her and you together.”

He looked over at Bella "see I told you that she was my mate now I'm going over to her house to spend time with her.”

Bella shook her head with a smile that as she and Alice watches him leave she could feel that something was bugging Bella

"Are you ok Bella? it looks like something is bothering you.” Alice softly asks.

She gives her a fake smile “Everything is ok. Just glad that he found his soulmate.”

"Are you sure?” Alice asks again

Bella stands up from the couch that she was sitting next to Alice "Yes now excuse me, I'm going to go visit my friends.”

Alice watches her leave with a confused look she knew that something was bothering Bella, but she wasn't going to worry about it Edward could deal with it later on

And she was only happy that Jasper found his soulmate already. That wasn't going to get in the way just because something is bugging Bella.

“Did you miss me, darling?” A voice asks behind you

You turned to see that Jasper was holding flowers in his hand with a smile on his face

“What are you doing here? if my family sees you here they won’t be happy about it.” You crossed your arms

“Just came to see my soulmate.” he said, giving you the flowers that he got you

You gave him a confused look as you took the flowers “your soulmate?”

He nods with a smile “yes we’re soulmates we’re meant to be together.”

You laughed, making him frown. He wasn't joking about it. You stopped laughing when you saw that he was giving you a serious look “oh so you're serious?”

He nods again with a smile. He didn't care that you laughed at him. If he was you he would laugh too. “Yes, I asked Alice to confirm if you were my soulmate and she said Yes.”

You looked down at your watch to see that any minute your family was going to come and catch you talking to Jasper in which it made you frown since you didn’t want him to leave you stop Y/n you don’t have feelings for him or do you?

“Is something wrong darling you seem a little too worried?” Jasper asks worry

You shook your head hiding the fact that you do like him “no I was just seeing that they should be here any minute.”

His smile turned into a frown, “so you want me to leave?”

You froze you didn’t want to answer the question, but if you don’t your family will be here any minute and they’ll catch you with him either way so answer quickly

“If they see you here they won’t be happy about it.” You tell him

He smiles again “so you don’t want me to leave right? Don’t worry I’ll let them know that we’re soulmates.”

You grabbed his arm “no it’s better if you go I’ll just tell them I think it’s better if they heard it from me.”

Jasper felt sad he wanted to stay longer with you. he wanted to get to know you better now since your his soulmate soon to be wife. he wanted to tell pack how happy he was knowing that you and him are soulmates.

But he knew that you were right the pack would be happy if they heard it from you

He kissed your cheek “ I just wanted to show them how happy I am knowing that we’re meant to be but you’re right they probably will be happy if it comes from you.”

“I hope so.” you whispered to yourself

You told your family about what Jasper told you, but they end up laughing and telling you to stay away from him and his weird family talking about soulmates

Even the despite of your family telling you to stay away from them you decided to start seeing him in secret

“So your family doesn’t believe that we’re soulmates?” Asked Jasper

You shook your head “no they laughed once I told them and asked how it is possible for a werewolf and a vampire to be soulmates?”

“Since they don’t believe us, I can tell Alice to prove to them that we’re soulmates.” Jasper suggested

You bit your lip softly, “probably that will work but even if it does they won’t let us be together.”

“Why not? We’re meant to be, they can’t do anything about it, we're going to end up together either way.” Jasper tells you

“Y/N what are you doing here with Jasper?” A angry voice asked

Jasper and you turned around to see your family with angry faces on their faces “so Y/n answers us? What are you doing here with him? I thought you were at a friend's house?”

“So you lied to us? about hanging out with a friend when you’re here with the bloodsuck so is he that one that you've been hanging out with?” Seth fumed

“We’re soulmates.” Jasper tells everyone

Seth rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms "Y/n told us but who can confirm it? who knows you might be lying.”

“Alice can since you don't believe.” Jasper tells him

“Oh, come on you think I'll believe her she's your family she'll lie for you just like you are.” Jared laughs as he shakes his head

“No, he's telling the truth, we're soulmates.” You added, “we’re going to be together whether you like it or not, you all need to understand that and that we are dating.”

He looked at you with a shocked look but then smiled "You all will be invited to our wedding.”

You took his hand and whispered in his ears "let's go.”

Jasper and you left holding hands happily while the pack watches in anger

The Cullen accepted you with open arms as they congratulated Jasper and you. Bella could feel jealous on her as she hasn't seen the family be this happy, not even when Edward told them that she and him were dating

Ever since Jasper and you made it known that you and he were in a relationship People have been relying on you and your boyfriend for relationship guidance instead of her and Edward, which is causing her jealousy because it's always you two. Not them

Your sweet relationship with each other caused her jealousy, as everyone seemed to love it, unlike her relationship with Edward.

Jasper's proposal to you caused her to become even more jealous, given that Edward hasn't asked her yet, She was more because Edward and she had been dating longer than Jasper and you, but now you'll be wed before her

“I love you my darling.” Jasper kisses your forehead

You smiled, “I love you more.”

Bella observes the happy dance of everyone, including Jasper, and you on your wedding floor.

[locklyle-for-a-long-while]

“But now…”

Lockwood is so vulnerable in this moment.

He’s responding directly to what she said just before she stormed away from him and into their house:

“What does it even matter if we end up stabbed, or dead at the bottom of the Thames with nobody left to care?!

This doesn’t feel like winning.”

He stood there stunned, watching her go.

Hours before, he had stood in the same spot near a different taxi, watching her stride towards him in the same blue dress with the wind in her hair. She was a vision. He smiled despite himself.

“So it’s just us”

“Is that alright?” He had asked, as she held his gaze, her smile warming him thoroughly in the chill air, his heart pounding as he held the cab door for her.

There was no smile for him now.

And it was all his fault.

After showering off the river and putting on a fresh set of clothes, he’s had a quiet moment to think about what she said in anger… and how right she was to say it. She has the truth of the matter- he put them in terrible danger and they only barely survived the night. He was so reckless and careless and utterly foolish. The self loathing voice in his head threatens to take over as the weight of it settles on his mind. She’d be right to leave him, to hate him and never forgive him, he thinks, and the thought almost breaks his heart. Self loathing collides with a sense of desperation— she can’t leave me …I need her… I’ve fallen completely and desperately in love with Lucy …and I can’t—I mustn’t— screw this up, …if I haven’t already. He takes a slow breath and gathers himself, mentally rehearsing his apology before finding her in the kitchen.

He struggles through the apology… it’s not enough. The words feel like they’re falling flat and sound hollow in his ears. He moves closer, unsure if that will help but compelled to be close, drawn to her as always.

“I just wanted to say, don’t give up on us— please”

She drops the butter knife and it clangs to the plate.

He knows he’s got it wrong- he’s barely half way to the truth. He moves closer, compelled to see her and desperate to look into her eyes. He turns his body to her, she hesitates, still and waiting.

“Or, what I really should say is… don’t give up on me.”

Now she turns to him, and he’s grateful for it. Though her expression is unreadable, she gives him strength to show her his darkness. It’s her strength now that compels him:

“To be honest the bottom of the Thames used to be a far more appealing place to be.

And really no one would have cared.

But now…”

Is almost a question he poses, it’s so tentative.

There’s so much unsaid after those two words, and he has to believe it’s enough and she already knows the rest:

But now… Now I want to live. Because of you, Lucy. You came along and gave me something to live for.

But now, maybe someone would care if I ended up at the bottom of the Thames. I didn’t dare to think you cared about me, Lucy… but then you went and told me so. It was just before we went into Winkman’s auction earlier that night.

I was frustrated and rash and I said “when my time comes I don’t plan on leaving anyone behind who’s going to stare at that door every night, wishing I would just walk through it one more time”

And then you stopped me in my tracks:

“Well you should have never let me in, or George, because now it’s far too late.”

And that left me speechless.

So yes, I can say something as profound and crazy as “but now…” because I dare to believe you, Lucy. I have to try to believe you, to believe that I matter to someone. To two people even, my best friends that I love dearly and one that I love so deeply that it terrifies me.

“But now…”.

Silence. I have no more words. And I hope it’s enough.

I can only stare into her eyes, totally at her mercy, waiting for whatever she might say next …fully knowing it can break me. But what else can I do. I’m wrecked for her. And I’m a complete idiot and we both know it and she’d be right to reject my apology, to reject me. I stand with bated breath, looking into her beautiful eyes not daring to hope for forgiveness.

“Grenadier guard or policeman”

I exhale.

A wave of relief floods through my chest as the tension I didn’t know I held is released. I struggle to stand composed, this close to her while I’m taken by a flood of gratefulness and love for this fierce and brilliant girl who has —and forever will have— my heart.

[thesilversun]

A little bit of something different for this WIP Wednesday - it’s not from Before the Dawn - although I am working part 8 of that. It’s also not the other fic - as that’s for an exchange and what I’ve written won’t be revealed for another month.

So here is a bit from the wip that I’ve mentioned in the wip fic memes a couple of times - the Difang to Difanghua fic.

The planned format for this will be three or four interconnected short (for me) fics of about 5k each. Planning on each being stand alone, so as not to keep people waiting for the next bit.

So this is currently a little bit from the start of it.

One month has passed since Li Lianhua had failed to appear on the beach.

One full month since that letter had been given to him on those wind blown sands.

One whole month, all the time that Li Lianhua had left to live without the Styx flower that he’d given away.

And still there has been no trace of him. Not alive and not, thankfully, dead either. All the same he is gone. He is gone and there is a hole in the world - in Fang Duobing’s world – it’s Li Lianhua shaped and no other can fill it.

It gapes like a raw, untreated wound. It wakes him gasping from sleep, turns food to ash in his mouth and makes his eyes sting with tears.

There is nothing left in his life but his search for him. It eats up every waking moment. Even sleep is no respite. Li Lianhua haunts his dreams, always one step ahead, just out of reach, leaving Fang Duobing chasing after him only for him to vanish like smoke in the breeze.

He has to find him. He has to. Because he doesn’t know what he’s going to do if he doesn’t. As long as he keeps looking, even he if doesn’t find him, then that is proof he is alive. Only a living Li Lianhua would be able to keep avoiding him and everyone else who is looking for him so thoroughly.

The full month of disappearance feels somehow symbolic, like it should be marked in some way. No that Fang Duobing can face that empty beach again, not yet. There is another place that’s equally fitting for this small anniversary: The Lotus Tower.

The winter’s afternoon is cold, but dry as he approaches it. Still parked where he left it weeks before, when he’d taken the horses to be stabled and cared for on a nearby farm. It looks forlorn as it waits, all closed up, beneath the trees bare branches. The shutters drawn, doors locked, dark and silent as an ancient tomb.

The fact that it is there at all hurts in a way that Fang Duobing had not expected it to. The fragile little hope that he’d not even realised the had, is shattered. Because if it were gone, surely it would mean he’d returned, that he’d picked up his life again. That he alive and well enough to travel.

Of course he’d be annoyed, he could stamp his feet and curse how annoying Li Lianhua is with all his tricks and lies. Then he’d chase after him, he find him sitting at his table outside enjoying the winter sun or in his kitchen cooking something of dubious edibility, acting like nothing had happened.

Hulijing would run over to him tail wagging, ready for a joyful reunion with her missing master.

Fang Duobing feels her nose at his hand, licking at it, before sitting quietly at his side.

He pats her head, a distraction against the how cold the evening air feels against his damp cheeks.

[olenvasynyt]

Does Azriel have a hero complex?

So I think a lot of SJM characters have a hero complex (Rhys and Aelin especially) but I want to talk about Az specifically because I think it is an essential part of his character.  

Now since barely get any POVs with Az we do not really know the inner workings of his mind and almost everything that we know about him is from other characters’ perspectives.  So this is all based on my interpretation of him and his actions, and not every action he makes is a result of a hero complex.  And I also don’t have a psychology degree or anything like that this is just for fun and a savior complex is not something you can diagnose anyway.  This is just a character analysis!  It’s fun.

Saving people

The basic definition of a hero complex is the constant need to save people.  Most people think of the knight and damsel in distress when a hero complex is mentioned, and this is true with Az: he has rescued Mor and Elain and Gwyn.  And rescuing people is of course part of it, but it’s a lot more intricate than just that; there are tons of other tendencies someone with a savior complex can have, and I personally think Az has tons of these tendencies.

2. very perceptive and sympathetic

A person with a hero complex is very perceptive and sympathetic.  They’re usually drawn to people who’ve had a lot of trauma.  They have a lot of empathy for others who are suffering.  They’re good at knowing what a person needs.  

You see this when he teaches Feyre to fly: he offers his backstory on how he learned and his love for the Nephelle philosophy to sympathize with her and this is actually the first time we hear Az talk a bit about his own past.  He is very sympathetic and perspective with Elain.  In ACOWAR he’s very quiet and courteous with her and offers to take her to see the garden.

I really like this quote: 

Page 334 of ACOWAR: It made sense, I supposed, that Azriel alone had listened to her.  The male who heard things others could not…Perhaps he too had suffered as Elain before he understood what gift he possessed.

3. Doing the dirty but necessary work

A person with a hero complex does the dirty but necessary work that most people don’t want to do.  I would argue that being the court torture-master is doing the dirty work.  And Rhys’ father used him and his shadow abilities when he was alive and high lord, and he is part of Rhys’ inner circle so he is important and he votes on things, etc, but he still does the dirty work, he does the spying and the torturing.

Quote on page 175 of ACOMAF: “It’s hard to tell with him—and he’d never tell me.  I’ve witnessed Cassian rip apart opponents and then puke his guts up once the carnage stopped, sometimes mourn over them.  But Azriel…Cassian tries, I try…but I think the only person who ever gets him to admit his feelings is Mor.  And that’s only when his infinite patience runs out.”

Cassian says Rhys’ father ”kept [Az] for himself as his personal shadowsinger—mostly for spying and dirty work.” 

And you can’t really tell if as likes this work but it is important.  

In ACOMAF page 288:  ”Does he mind what he does?  Not the spying, I mean.  What he did to the Attor today.” ”It’s hard to tell with him—and he’d never tell me.  I’ve witnessed Cassian rip apart opponents and then puke his guts up once the carnage stopped, sometimes mourn over them.  But Azriel…Cassian tries, I try…but I think the only person who ever gets him to admit his feelings is Mor.  And that’s only when his infinite patience runs out.”

4. Dismissing their own needs/pain, neglecting self-care

And that sort of brings me to my next point: 

They dismiss their own needs and continue to help others even if it negatively impacts them.  Not only does he keep secrets about his past, but he doesn’t like when people worry about him.

ACOMAF page 288: ”Are you worried about Az going to the mortal lands tomorrow?”  ”Of course I am.  But Azriel has infiltrated places far more harrowing than a few mortal courts.  He’d find my worrying insulting.”

He works really hard and that’s another huge thing with a savior / hero complex.  He works himself so hard to the point where his friends worry for him.

Page 376 ACOMAF: ”Getting Azriel to take any time for himself that didn’t involve work or training was nearly impossible.”

He often wants to go into battle even when he was injured.

Quote from ACOWAR page 610:  ”The argument with Rhys this morning had been swift and brutal: Azriel insisted he could fly—fight with they legions….Rhys refused…Azriel threatened to slip into shadow and fight anyway.  Rhys merely said that if he so much as tried, he’d chain him to a tree…It was only when Mor had begged him that he relented.”

5. Emotional and psychological burnout

And all of this leads to burnout which is a huge thing with Az.  He’s obviously very broody, and he suppresses his feelings, works really hard doing very laborious and traumatizing things and this leads to burnout.  We have evidence of this from not only his broodiness and quietness,

Page 293 of ACOMAF: Az gets back from the mortal realm, he’s described as needing to “return and assess…assess—and brood, it seemed, since Azriel had barely managed a polite hello to me before launching into sparring with Rhysand, his face grim and tight.” Used sparring to ”help work off his frustration”.

but physically too with the headaches that he gets.

Page 186 of ACOFAS:  “I had Madja make it for me.  It’s a powder to mix in with any drink…it’s for the headaches everyone always gives you.  Since you rub your temples too often.”

6. Low self-esteem, need for perfection

He doesn’t think he’s good enough, he doesn’t think his work is enough, he doesn’t think his ’heroic actions’ are enough.  You can see this with his spies; he wants his spying to be perfect to help people and help his High Lord. 

Page 376 ACOMAF: —the frustration of not being able to get his spies or himself into those courts took a toll on him.  The standards to which he held himself, [Mor] confided in me, bordered on sadistic. 

(this also contributes to the fact that he pushes himself too hard)

ACOMAF 205-206, Rhys says  ”I don’t trust this information, even with your sources…”  ”They can be trusted,” Azriel said with quiet steel, his scarred hands clenching at his leather-clad sides.  ”We aren’t taking risks where this is concerned,” Rhys merely said.  He held Azriel’s stare, and I could almost hear the silent words Rhys added, It is no judgement or reflection on you, Az.  Not at all. But Azriel yielded no tinge of emotion as he nodded, his hands unfurling. ”So what do we have planned?” Mor cut in—perhaps for Az’s sake.

Everyone understands he has low self esteem.

Page 256 ACOMAF: ”He set down his fork, blinking.  I might even called him self-conscious.”

And in ACOWAR Rhys says he doesn’t think he’s good enough for Mor.

Page 460 of ACOWAR:  Feyre: ”But—he loves her.  How can he sit idly by?” Rhys: ”He thinks she’s happier without him…he thinks he’s unworthy of her.”

I go back and forth between if he thinks he’s deserving of Elain or not, because this quote says he isn’t worthy,

ACOSF bonus chapter: “She looked up at him, her face so trusting and hopeful and open that he knew she had no idea that he had done unspeakable things that sullied his hands far beyond their  scars.  Such terrible things that it was a sacrilege for his fingers to skin, tainting her with his presence.  But he could have this. This one moment, and maybe a taste, and that would be it.”

but another quote in the bonus chapter implies so does think he’s worthy but I’ll talk about that later.

7. Guilt and overthinking

Az seems to often feel guilty when one of the plans goes wrong; he thinks he didn’t do as much as he could have.

Page 346 of ACOWAR:  ”Hybern had made its grand move at last.  And we had not anticipated it.  I knew Azriel would take the blame upon himself.  One look at the shadowsinger…told me he already did.”

He may have felt guilty for not reaching Cassian in time when he was gutted fighting that Hybern commander in ACOWAR

Page 543 of ACOWAR:  ”’By the time Az got there, he was down.’ Azriel’s face was stone-cold, even as his hazel eyes fixed unrelentingly upon that knitting wound.”

He might feel guilty for not helping Mor enough with Az, and he also feels guilty for keeping Rhys’ plan to let Keir into Velaris a secret.

Page 414 of ACOWAR:  "Whether [Mor] knew that though she’d tried to move past the bargain we’d made, the guilt of it still haunted Azriel, she didn’t let on.”

And when Eris calls More a slut, Az attacks him violently and Feyre has to call him off.  And I think this was a telling sign of his guilt:  

Page 429 of ACOWAR: 

”As Azriel turned his face toward me—The frozen rage rooted me to the spot.  But beneath it, I could almost see the images that haunted him: the hand Mor had yanked away, her weeping, distraught face as she had screamed at Rhys.”

He defends people to make up for his guilt, which sort of brings me to my next point:

8. Issues with overstepping boundaries and self-efficacy

I’m not talking about him kissing Elain in the bonus chapter and overstepping the boundaries of her mating bond with Lucien.  I’m talking about how a person with a hero complex oversteps and takes on other people’s responsibilities/problems.  With self-efficacy, a person with a hero complex might unintentionally undermine someone’s self-efficacy by not allowing them to face and overcome challenges on their own.

And he doesn’t do this all the time. In fact there are situations, specifically emotional situations that don’t pertain to him, that he walks away from and he goes ” That’s not my business.”

But you see this with Mor a lot, he is super defensive for Mor: when Eris calls her a slut during the High Lord’s meeting, he attacks him and chokes him out.  He jumps to her defense all the time even when she doesn’t ask for it.

He also refuses Elain’s offer to look for the Trove in ACOSF:

Page 311 of ACOSF: “We do not have the time to wait for Nesta to decide.  I say we approach Elain tomorrow.  Better to have both of them working on it.” Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper from him as he said quietly, “There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

9. Fear of abandonment and rejection

And all of this pertaining to the hero complex, including overstepping boundaries, continuously helping, etc can be because of their fear of rejection.  A person with a savior complex fears being alone so they continuously help others to ensure their relationship continues.

Az actually tried to bring up his feelings for Mor after he rescues her from the Autumn court border and she leaves (talk about bad timing AZ) but I feel like Az hasn’t brought up his love for Mor because he fears rejection and also because of his low self-esteem.

Mor often has an argument with Rhys and he turns to Az to defend her and often he’s hesitant.  

Page 186 of ACOWAR:  Mor whipped her head to Azriel.  ”What do you think?”  The shadowsinger held her stare, his face unreadable.  Considering.  I tried not to hold my breath.  Defending the female he loved or siding with his High Lord…”It’s not my call to make.” ”That’s a bullshit answer,” Mor challenged.   ”I could have sworn hurt flickered in Azriel’s eyes, but he only shrugged.

You see this with his guilt that I brought up before with not doing enough to stop Hybern from attacking in ACOWAR, and his guilt over not telling Mor about their plan with Kier and Eris and letting Keir have access to Velaris.  

And this is an excellent quote:

Page 460 of ACOWAR:  ”There will come a day when Azriel has to decide if he is going to fight for her or let her go.  And it won’t be because some other male insults her or beds her.”

And he probably fears rejection from Elain.

10. A need for validation

Now another tendency a person with a savor complex can have is the need for validation, they want acknowledgment for the good things they’ve done, and this can lead to resentment if they are acknowledged.

And I don’t necessarily think this is Az, I feel like he would just say that helping is his job, being spymaster is his job, saving people is his job” but you can see in the bonus chapter of Silver Flames when Rhys asks him if he thinks he deserves Elain as a mate, he says ”I don’t think Lucien will be good enough for him” which in my opinion implies that Az thinks he is more heroic / more worthy of having Elain as a mate and sees Lucien as a coward.

ACOSF bonus chapter: “The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it's possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another.” “You believe you deserve to be her mate?"   “I think Lucien will never be good enough for her…”

There are obviously tons of other aspects of a hero complex beside a knight rescuing a damsel that I think apply to Az; he is a super traumatized and I think his hero complex / heroism in general is a result of that.

[mykoreanlove]

PERCEPTIONS

Chan finally had the chance to take you out and catch up on life but the afternoon didn’t go as planned.

He stood at the counter waiting for your coffee order as he watched you get hit on by the third guy in a row. They were all decent but you rejected every single one. As he watched the last one leave in defeat, he made his way back to you.

„Damn y/n, you’re brutal“, he chuckled amused.

„He‘ll live“, you replied sarcastically and took a sip of your vanilla latte.

Your best friend mustered you for a while before he started interrogating you.

„Why though?“

„Why what?“

Chan took your small hands into his big ones and spoke to you very softly.

„I’ve seen you reject hundreds of guys y/n. You’re not even giving them a chance. Why is that?“

You saw the concern in his eyes. Chan and you had been friends since kindergarten, he knew you very well, yet he couldn’t figure out the reasons for your solo quest in love.

You sighed exasperated.

„What chance is there? It always ends up the same. I’m not interested in getting my heart broken… again.“

Hearing you say this broke his heart.

„Is this because of Innie?“

Your heart stopped beating for a second; you haven’t talked about him for a very long time.

„Drop it, Chan“, you warned him.

„No“, his voice now even softer, „I want you to face this. Are you still not over Jeongin?“

Jeongin.

Memories of him flooded your mind.

You met him years ago during a workshop and fell for him the minute you saw him. He was breathtakingly handsome, confident and a little menace. You still recall him pranking everyone around him, throwing his head back while laughing maniacally.

You barely spoke a word with him, too nervous and intimidated but somehow he was drawn to you.

You got to know each other more, sharing deep secrets and lovely antics until he met someone new.

You remember those nights in which you cried in Chan‘s lap, cursing the world and everyone in it.

„I’m not enough for him, Chan. Why doesn’t he want me?“

Jeongin was aware of your feelings and distanced himself, which made you even more depressed. You lost touch and separated, which helped after a while.

Once his relationship ended, he found his way back into your life.

Jeongin called you out of the blue, solely to apologize and ask for your forgiveness. Ever since, your friendship got reignited.

„I don’t understand, y/n. He is single now, he clearly likes you but you’re still just friends?“, your friend used to pester you.

„I guess he just doesn’t see me that way.“

„Are you really over him?“

A part of you believed so.

Another part knew it was not so. Hearing from him made your day, having his attention on you made you feel alive.

„Innie got cheated on“, you explained frantically weeks later.

„Yeah? That sucks“, Chan replied.

„Innie got cheated on!! INNIE!!! Who the fuck would cheat on him? You can’t do better than him, what the fuck?“

„Guess you’re not over him“, he mumbled under his breath.

You spent countless weeks building him back up, in desperate need to restore his faith in women. In love.

„I don’t get it y/n. You are so great, really I think you’re so amazing. Why are you still single?“, he once asked.

You felt the resentment come up, your heart was still deeply hurt.

Because you don’t love me.

„I guess I haven’t found the right one“, you lied.

„I really hope you do.“

Your relationship got more complicated over time as Jeongin was turning into an egotistical monster.

„He got hurt by his ex and now he’s taking it out on every girl around him? Including you?“, Chan asked.

You nodded, exhausted from all this.

„I asked him to come visit me and he snapped, insulting me in my face.“

Chan‘s nostrils flared up.

„What did he say?“

„He clearly drank too much, slurring his words and all. But he was saying something like we both know how it would end if I showed up. That’s all there would ever be.“

You deleted his number after that.

„He thinks I’m amazing and girlfriend material, yet he doesn’t want me. Fucking me would be okay though“, you explained defeatedly.

„And that’s it? You never heard from him again?“

„Y/N?“

Chan’s soft voice brought you back to the present moment, ending your walk down memory lane.

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, pushing your emotions away.

„Chan, listen. I loved Jeongin. I really loved him with all of my heart but he didn’t want me. I wasn’t good enough for him and ever since that happened I’m just too afraid. Love shouldn’t feel that way, don’t you think?“

Chan squeezed your hands, an expression of his sympathy.

„Don’t you think there is another meaning to this?“

You looked at him puzzled.

„What do you mean?“

Chan sighed deeply.

„Has it ever occurred to you that he didn’t confess or started dating you because of him?“

You grew irritated, not understanding what he was getting at.

„What’s that supposed to mean?“

„Y/N. Has it ever crossed your mind that you were not „not good enough for him“ but he was not good enough for you?“

You sat there in silence, watching your friend.

„It has not, huh? You always thought that he was so amazing, so out of this world that someone like you could never measure up. No matter how hard you tried. But as a matter of fact it’s him that doesn’t measure up. He is no way near your level, y/n.“

A deep realization hit you, a feeling of knowing and finally understanding.

„I gotta go“, you got up and ran out of the cafe.

You didn’t think clearly but ended up at his apartment, your feet got you there automatically. Impatiently, you rang his bell.

„Y/N?“, Jeongin looked at you surprised.

„What is the real reason you and I never got together?“

His eyes grew even bigger, not understanding where all of this was coming from.

„What?“

„The real reason, Innie. Please.“

The pleading tone in your voice made him feel uncomfortable.

„I didn’t want you.“

His words were still able to cut you like a knife but you pushed that hurt down.

„Because I wasn’t good enough?“

His brow rose, adding to his surprised face.

„What? No. No way. Why would you think that?“

„Why would I think that? Are you kidding me? What else am I supposed to think?“

Tears started to form in your eyes. Jeongin wrapped his arms around you and hugged you tightly, just like he did back then.

„I tell you y/n. You should think that I’m a mess. You should think that I’m not good enough for you. I could never give you what you deserve. I could never make you happy. I would ruin you, hurt you. Even more than I already did. You should think that you are amazing and more than enough and so lovable.“

You cried into his chest, staining his white shirt while doing so.

Hearing his words made you realize that you had doomed yourself for nothing.

He didn’t reject you because you were not good enough, he rejected you because he had trouble on his own. Jeongin‘s actions were a reflection of his troubled heart, not one of your worth.

Suddenly, you felt relief, finally understanding that you were never meant to see yourself as a loveless loner.

For the first time in years you felt like you had a chance at love. For the first time in a while you felt ready to at least try.

[loving-family-poll]

(Confession) I think I’ve got some fucked up cheryl blossom shit going on. growing up I was isolated as an only child literally living in the middle of the woods with only immediate family and I had imaginary friends to keep me company. But they weren’t friends to me. They were my siblings. I actually fucking called them Sister and Brother. Like that was their names.

I was so lonely growing up I used to write fanfiction about me having a twin brother. I wanted someone my age to play with and be close to and I was always drawn to sibling type characters as well as emotionally incestous stories but I didn’t know what that was back then because I was so young. I knew objectively incest was wrong but I was so desperate for someone to be mine, to be close with me and stuck with me so they couldn’t leave me like my friends had as the years went by.

I have two cousins, both a few days apart from me in age. One a guy, one a girl. For some reason I always wanted a brother specifically, I couldn’t tell you why. This guy cousin, I’ll call him Scott, felt like the answer that I had prayed for. I used to daydream about him being my brother. Similar to an anon a while back, we physically fought a lot. I bested him everytime because I’m a buff girlboss or something. I was obsessed with him and there definitely was some emotionally incestous stuff going on from my end—and from what I’ve observed over the years, especially pretty recently now that we are in college, it seems he’s physically attracted to me.

Whats strange about this is im not physically attracted to him. I’m not physically attracted to men at all, really. I’ve always liked women. They were what my first sexual fantasies were about, the first porn I watched, I could go on. Somehow I didnt realize that I liked women until highschool even though I did all of that. It was all because of a movie I watched and I fell in love with the movie character who was a woman and I realized oh. I’ve never felt that way about any of my boyfriends before, or even Scott. Like not even comparably close. That weird nervousness I had around him paled completely compared to the feeling I have for women.

I didnt feel this call for a sister as desperately as I did a brother, but I think that might have been because I always found it easy to become close with other women. An example of how this affected my realization of my sexuality was that I definitely had love for my best friend who I only knew for a year. I’m not sure if I was really in love, but when she moved away it was absolutely fucking horrible. I wrote her letters and left kiss marks on them as my signature and I cried every day for months imagining kissing her before she left “as sisters”. Like that was an actual verbatim thought I had. As sisters. I thought about telling her I loved her and eventually this led to my having fantasies about her etc etc etc. I never thought anything about it until years later.

The other cousin I mentioned, I’ll call her Laura, definitely had some emotional + physical incestuous feelings for me as we grew up. She used to beg me to shower with her, bathe with her, skinny dip with her, do anything and everything with her. She once begged me to let her shave my pubes. I have never had good boundaries and I didn’t really see a reason to say no even though it make me a bit nervous. She was the one with sisters, this was just some sister ritual that I didn’t understand because I had no siblings. So I let her do whatever she wanted and I catered to whatever she asked of me. Over time she started to pull away from me and I didn’t understand, hadnt I done everything she had wanted of me?

About eight years passed where I barely saw her but I learned to live with it because essentially the same ghosting happened with my friends in school. I didn’t understand why they left me but I couldn’t change it so I went with the flow. But randomly she started talking to me again. It was weird because it felt like we were getting along way better than we had before which I hadn’t even noticed was strained. And she was flirting with me. Telling me that my makeup looked so pretty on me, that my hair smelled good, and that she loved my dimples. I smiled at her once and she said, “ohmigosh, you have dimples. I love dimples on girls.”

Very quickly we made it clear without being explicit that we both were into girls one night. Nothing happened, but I think being open like that made her decide to stick by my side for the rest of the visit, unlike her usual routine, and she made me sleep in bed with her and go everywhere with her, like when we were kids.

Then she got a boyfriend.

Last visit I was dejected but happy for her because she seemed so much more happy than she had at any other time in her life. But then, I think, she made a move on me. We were at the local pool at nighttime, all alone. She mentioned wanting some ice cream before the shop closed next to the pool and because my love language seems to be acts of service and turning into mush when pretty girls bat their eyelashes, I very unsubtly ran off to get her ice cream. I think she knew by then that she had me in her clutches because her entire mood changed.

She came up close to me as she ate and very slowly crowded me against the wall. I was like an actual pile of mush trying and failing to eat my own icecream as she talked and I got that feeling in my chest, one I had never had with Scott, ever. She reached to me and adjusted my swim top strap and then brushed my hair out of my face and my body actually buckled. I had thought I was a top up until that point but im. I guess not. And then she fucking asked me if I thought the two of us would be able to fit into the bathtub together, again, like we used to.

I said yes and we rushed off back to the house and I was in the bathroom waiting for her and….she never came in. I went out to see where she was and she was with our grandfather and I did actually subtly ask her did you want to take a bath or anything? Because I’ll take a shower if not….and she told me she was just going to wait etc etc etc. and then I remembered. Her fucking boyfriend. Shit.

If Laura asked I would do absolutely anything for her. I think with Scott we have this Something Weirder Than Sex shit going on and I don’t know what to do on either front.

This is long as fuck but a good read that shit w Laura is wild

[sdnomla]

Hiii I'd like to put in a request for a Kaveh x reader where Kaveh secretly likes the reader but doesn't know how to confess so he writes letters that he will never send... except one gets sent, accidentally, and yeah reader decides to give him a chance. I hope that makes sense :)

THAT’S SO CUTE CKDNDIXBXIEHIC YES I WOULD DEFINITELY DO THAT THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING

Synopsis: Kaveh that writes unsent letters to you but doesn’t send them, but one accidentally get sent.

Ship(s): Kaveh x Gn!reader

Warnings: none, just fluff :)

NOT PROOFREAD

You were a merchant in Sumeru selling art and wood carvings, but your business wasn’t very popular. Every day was kinda slow with only a few people stopping by, and fewer people actually buying your crafts. Luckily, you had a part-time job serving food at one of the local restaurants, so you weren’t totally poor.

One especially hot day in Sumeru City, Kaveh decided to go out, wandering from merchant booth to merchant booth, he spotted you sitting alone, looking like you were going to pass out as you watched people walk right past your booth. He walks up to you a bit hesitantly. “Can I… buy something?”

“Huh?” You almost didn’t notice him at first because you were so exhausted from sitting in the heat all day. You regained your composure quickly, trying to seem at least a little bit professional and welcoming. “O-Of course! Go ahead and take a look around. I’ve got plenty of art pieces to look at.”

Kaveh was honestly just trying to be nice because you seemed so upset. So, he looked around, not expecting to buy anything because he probably wouldn’t be able to afford it. But the more he looked, the more drawn in he was. “These are really beautiful, you know. Did you make these yourself?” Kaveh, being an architect, could already picture using these as decorations in his shared home with Alhaitham.

“Yeah, I did. You like them?” You were a bit surprised at his enthusiasm for your art, but you weren’t complaining.

“I love them. You know, my roommate is so bland, we have no beauty in our home! Honestly it’s offensive how little he does for decoration. I mean, who can look at a plain wall, and think it looks good when it’s so bare? That’s absurd! I can’t believe…” Kaveh went on and on about Alhaitham while you listened to him rant, occasionally giggling at his comments.

Kaveh eventually landed on one painting in particular. It was a landscape of what looked like Monstadt, Liyue, Inazuma, and Sumeru combined. The creativity in your mind to come up with and produce something as beautiful as that was outstanding. You watched carefully as Kaveh went silent, seemingly forgetting about his roommate he’s deemed “dreadful.”

After a little bit of staring in awe, he snapped out of his trance and grabbed the painting from where it was hanging. “This one,” he said, a determined look on his face.

“Okay, that will be 50 mora.”

“50-! Holy- I don’t have that much money!”

“You can always pay me back, but I need to survive somehow.”

Kaveh understands what you mean; he’s not in the best financial situation either. He thinks for a moment before looking you dead in the eye. “Deal.”

Kaveh takes home the picture and hangs it over his bed. He has a bunch of different trinkets in his room — he says they “add character.” His favorite has to be the newest addition of the painting.

But for the rest of the evening Kaveh was less focused on the painting, and more focused on you. It was weird — you were all he could think about. Your voice, your laugh, just… you. So, he decided to write a letter. He poured out how he was feeling, and how it was so confusing. He just wanted to let it all out. But once he was finished, he got nervous and didn’t send it. He just hid it behind your painting.

The next day, he kept you company at your booth. He did the same the next day, and the next. And after each day, he would write you a letter.

When the weekend came around, he didn’t see you at your booth. He got worried something had happened so he asked around. People hadn’t said anything, considering you weren’t popular. He searched around the city, trying to find someone who knew where you were, but no luck.

When he went home, Alhaitham was mocking him for “wasting his time.” Kaveh felt awful. He didn’t know what happened to you, he didn’t know what had happened to you and he could only freak out, especially since this is a lot like how his father died. Kaveh wrote another letter, saying how much he missed you. He was so worried. He just wanted you to be okay.

After he wrote the letter, he tucked it away behind the painting and laid down. He pulled the covers up to his chin and stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out what might have happened to you. You could’ve been kidnapped. You could’ve been hurt, or worse. For God’s sake, you could be dead! His brain switched to his father. First him, then his mother left to Fontaine, and now… you. Kaveh could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He should’ve known. This always happens. He always gets left alone. The tears start to fall and soon enough he’s sobbing into his pillow, trying to keep Alhaitham from noticing. It’s late and he doesn’t want to disturb anyone for something as stupid as him crying — at least, that’s what he thinks.

He cried himself to sleep that night. He couldn’t help it. He doesn’t want to lose anyone else. He’s terrified that you’re gone for good. In the morning, he sets out early to find you. He searched all of Sumeru City but he eventually gets tired and hungry and goes to have something to eat at a local restaurant.

He walks through the door and it feels like it’s the best moment of his life. He saw you serving food to some customers sitting at a booth. He didn’t know you worked there and he was so relieved you did. He saw you smile at him and was brought back to life. He wasn’t tired anymore now that he had found you. He just wanted to see your face and never leave your side. He waved at you and have you a bright smile.

He found a seat by the bar, though he wasn’t interested in drinking. Luckily, it was almost time for your break. He waited patiently for you to come sit by him, and when you sat right next to him, he had quite the giddy feeling, but a little nauseous. Is this what they call butterflies? He’s not complaining one bit.

“You didn’t tell me you worked here!” Kaveh spoke in a tone that let you know he wasn’t actually upset, just curious.

“Oh, yeah. I guess I forgot to mention it. Sorry.” You giggled an short, awkward giggle.

“That’s okay, I was just worried about you. I didn’t know where you were and it freaked me out.”

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s okay, I promise. I’m just glad I found you.” You both smiled at his comment.

The conversation lasted until your break was over and once your shift was done too, you guys picked up right where you left off. As Kaveh walked you home.

This had gone on for about a month. You guys would hang out at your booth on weekdays, then Kaveh would walk you home. You guys would hang out during you break and before and after work, then Kaveh would walk you home. And after most days, Kaveh would go home and write you a letter, even though he’d never send them. But that’s what made them so special, they had his whole heart in them. He didn’t know if you felt the same, and he didn’t know if he wanted to find out.

One night in particular Kaveh write one of his most special letters. This was after he had confirmed he had caught feelings for you. He wrote about how he would’ve confessed to you if he had the guts. He wrote your name on the back of the envelope when he was done and slipped it behind the painting. It’s starting to get a little bit full so he put some in a drawer in his desk before going to bed.

In the morning Kaveh left as early as he could to go see you. After he had left, the letter from last night had called out from under the painting and onto his bed.

As Alhaitham was getting ready to leave too, he saw the letter on Kaveh’s bed. The door to his room was left open since he was in such a rush. Alhaitham grabbed the letter and saw your name on the back. The thought back to the other night when Kaveh was crying. He didn’t know why he was so upset so he didn’t disturb him. But Alhaitham isn’t a complete asshole, so he thought there was nothing wrong with helping him deliver the letter he seemed to have forgotten, right?

On his way to the akademia, Alhaitham flagged down a delivery man and had him deliver the letter to your house. Of course, you wouldn’t see the letter until after dark because it takes a while to pack up your things at your booth and walk home, but it goes a lot faster now that you have the help of Kaveh.

Once you got home, you gave Kaveh and goodbye hug and headed inside. You saw the letter that was slipped under your door and brought it into your room to read it. You sat on your bed and examined the letter. The envelope was beautiful. It was tinted a bit golden and seemed to shimmer under light. It had faint designs of flowers. It reminded you of Kaveh in a way. Him being and architect means he had to have everything look beautiful, and this envelope was just that.

You opened up the letter and saw it was from Kaveh. You started reading:

My dearest (name),

There have been many things I’ve wanted to say to you. Lately, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. This started back when we first met, honestly. About a week after I bought that painting from you, it’s been my favorite decoration I’ve ever had. I look at it before I fall asleep and right when I wake up and it never fails to bring a smile to my face. The more I get to know you, the more I can see you in the painting. It makes my heart feel so warm, but it’s nothing like being near the real you. I want to be near you constantly. I don’t want our friendship to end. I don’t want to lose you. I want to talk to you about everything in my life and I want to listen to anything you have to say. Every time I see or do anything I always wonder what you would think about it. I always want to buy you any little trinkets that I think you would like that I see out in the town, but I never have the courage or the money to. What I’m trying to say is I am in love with you, (name). I have been for a while, and I doubt that will change. I hope you will feel the same but please don’t feel pressured to return my feelings.

Much love,

Kaveh

You did not expect that in the slightest. You couldn’t help the blush that came over your face. You folded the letter and put it in a box. You didn’t want to lose it, it was too important. You tucked yourself into bed, turned off your lamp, and tried your best to fall asleep.

The next morning you got to the booth before Kaveh, which was a bit of a relief considering the letter. You didn’t know what you wanted to say to him or how you were going to say it, but when you saw him waving to you as he walked up to your booth, you couldn’t help but feel safer.

“Hi, (name)! How was your night? Did you sleep well?” Kaveh asked casually. You were so confused about how he could be so calm after he just confessed his love to you through such a sweet letter the night before?

“I… got your letter,” you said, trying to keep your composure.

“My… what?” Kaveh gasped so loudly, you almost thought it was fake. “WHAT!? My- oh shit.” A thousand questions were racing through his head at a million miles per hour. Which letter? When did you get it? Who sent it? How did you react? He put his heart and soul into those letters and he didn’t ever plan on you getting your hands on one. He definitely felt doomed. “I-I’m so sorry, (name). I know you probably don’t feel the same. I wish I could take it back…” Kaveh went on and on talking so fast you could barely make out the words.

“Kaveh,” you said once. He couldn’t hear you. “Kaveh,” you said again. A little bit louder that time, but he still didn’t hear you. “Kaveh!” You grabbed his face, patience running thin.

Kaveh went silent, surprised by your sudden assertiveness. You stared into his eyes for a moment before kissing him. Kaveh tensed at first but eventually he melted into you.

The kiss was soft and sweet. Welcoming and reassuring. Safe and warm. On the outside, you both knew exactly what you were doing, but in the inside, you were both freaking out. But no matter what, neither of you wanted to break from the kiss.

“So… does that mean you’ll give me a chance?” Kaveh asks, practically jumping from his excitement.

“Of course it does, Kaveh.” You give him a small peck on the lips and held him close for a moment and you both just spent a moment basking in the feeling of each other’s touch.

I’m all done! Sorry if it took me too long. I might make a part two to this, I really liked writing this. I really hope you like it, Yeahneh!

[silv3rswirls]

Warnings: Fear, tears, blood, minor descriptions of sex, Yandere otherworldly Tae, degradation(?)

Note: this had to be done, I couldn't get it out of my head. Just unplanned spice because I wanted it

He could be an angel sometimes, in the dark of night after you’ve convinced yourself he’s softening up towards you. But he always gave you a reason to fear him again, this was a punishment after all. Right?

Of course, fucking you had never been part of the plan. To mess with your head and toy around with your guilt, harm you as you harmed others, but certainly not jump to bed you anytime he could. 

“Don’t be scared baby, I’ll treat you good…that is, if you’ve earned it of course.” He sneers at you, a devilish glint in his eyes as he stalks over you, his weight dipping the bed at either side of you. You lean back to accommodate him, only to feel him push you back onto the bed. “I can smell it on you, you’re downright terrified of me” he half laughed, reaching to tilt his chin up. “How many times have you welcomed me in your bed already? You’re acting as if I've never seen all this” he pulls carelessly at your top, the buttons snapping with ease. One goes flying and you listen with paused breathing as the sound of it rolling against the floor takes the room.

Though you don’t flinch away, or even care that he’s staring you down like a starved animal, you can feel an uneasiness in your stomach. Tonight felt different, it wasn’t the same excitement you had grown to feel every time he came around to haunt you. It was scary at first, he came to you with horrible features and a constant reminder of the wrath you had enacted toward your ex and his new girlfriend. He never let you forget, and it drove you crazy- still did. He was in every shadow around you, mocking the undying love you professed to your ex and all the silly threats you shouted. 

“Come on” he breathed, a pointed nail pressing into your bare side, slowly breaking the skin and smearing it with droplets of blood. You could feel it in the pit of your stomach, as guilt-wracked your body, tonight would be different. It's when he’s propped over you that you start to forget that feeling, one of your legs hooked around his hip as he pounds into you. Angry red lines sketched into your skin. Both accidental scrapes and bites pressed into your plush flesh as the both of you lost yourselves to lust.

His hungry eyes ate up every slight flinch and gasp of your body. “Don’t you think you were made for me baby? Aren’t you glad I came to you as I did?”

You nod wordlessly, but are snapped back to reality all too fast.

“Liar” he sang, his toothy grin slowly dropping. “You never learn, do you?”

You stare at him, throat drying as he burns holes into you with his stare. “Say it” he snapped, “tell me what you did.”

“I-I”

“I-I” he mocked, “I went to see him- showed up all pathetic and crying for him to just love me again.” Your body burns hot, your back arching and muscles tensing in anticipation as he slows down. He places a hand on your stomach, pressing into your flesh with pointed claws. He looms over you wearing that sly grin he always wore. “Come on, you haven’t learned your lesson, you’re still so riddled with guilt. Don’t want to get rid of me, hm?” He teases, “should I kill him in the name of love? For you, like you tried to kill the other woman?”

“Did you forget I came to punish you for being such a nasty human? I think I’ve been too soft, should I remind you?” He dips down, breath hitting your neck, “should I remind you that you’re all mine?” You wrap an arm around his neck, pulling him closer as he jolts to sink his teeth into your skin. He draws you closer even, listening to how your heart pounds against your chest, he could feel the anxiety on you- maybe this wasn’t how you drove anxiety into your ex, but the method didn’t matter to him as long as he caught the response he wanted.

That, and you have grown far too fun not to toy around with. He laps up the blood drawn, attacking down your shoulder and to your chest the same. He’s left you untouched and frustrated, and he doesn’t plan to pick back up; as much as he’d love to turn you and press your face into the sheets. 

“Forget about that guy, just love me- just me.” 

Your eyes locked on his, brimming with tears and bliss.

He eyes you one last time. Your face was red, cheeks stained with dried tears. Your neck is all bit up, your chest red and sensitive from all the toying. Fresh tears were starting to bubble up, a mix of guilt and frustration as you looked back at him.

He grinned, bearing his fangs.

He owned you.

Taglist: @aris-ink​

[forgodsgoddamnsake]

HELL'S ANGELS - 2nd

Warning: Harry's kinda mean-not all the time bc you're mean too lol-, violence, mentions of ra#pe, murder, guns, language, mentions of prostitution, smut (NOT WITH YOU and i didn't write it in details)

As I sit there in the coffee shop to get a cup of cappuccino, my eyes wander, looking through the glass window. The cup, which is held between my hands, warms me. On the other hand, Harry’s diving in his own curiosity, wondering what has just happened with Alessandro.

“So?” He asks, falling into the trap of being the first to speak. My eyes’ attention is drawn back to Harry’s eyes. I bite my bottom lip as I think of what should be spoken about and what should not.

“What do you know about the Scavo?” I ask.

“Well, the Scavos were not a powerful family, they struggled so much in life and they blame it all on the powerful families. Once Alessandro ruled, they started getting more power and money. That’s it in a nutshell.”

“That’s right, but you don’t have the full story. My family had helped the Scavo because they were just so poor, my grandfather and my father after him really tried providing them with money, work, anything. Alessandro’s mother used to work as my nanny, she stayed with us to take care of me. I grew up with Elio and Alessandro, and Alessandro fell in love with me. When he became the ruler of the Scavo he told me that he loved me, I liked him, as well.” I stop, not wanting to tell the full story. But Harry won’t budge until he gets it.

“Go on.” He encourages, inspecting my face to search for an expression.

Sighing, I continue, “He told me that he wanted to marry me, at some point I really thought about it, but then when I told Elio about it, he told me that I shouldn’t even consider Alessandro. The Scavo built their families by pimping out girls, they still use prostitution to become wealthier, more powerful. Alessandro was the one that started the whole thing, but that’s not the worst of them. I already know that prostitution can still be a part of the families.”

“Exactly, what’s new about it? I know many families that are still involved in the human trafficking industry.”

“I could not accept that. I wanted to speak with Alessandro to talk him out of it, I went to his villa only to find him raping a girl. I can swear to god, that girl was barely sixteen.”

I get lost in my thoughts, absent-minded. My body is with Harry, but my mind drifts away to the day I went to Alessandro’s villa, hearing muffled screams of a girl. Two years later and I can still hear her broken voice, begging him to stop. That day, I walked up the stairs and put my ear on the door, I had to make sure what I was hearing war right. Her broken voice that was interrupted by his grunts, gave me goosebumps all over my body, I could feel the hairs in the back of my head stand. Slammed the door open only to see the worst image I’ve ever seen in my entire life, and I’ve seen a lot of bad scenes. As he got off of her, I threw her the clothes she had on and covered her with my black coat. Without a word, I helped her up on her feet, she was still crying like a baby. A broken baby. When I heard him telling me, ‘It’s not what it looks like’., I snapped. I pulled out my gun and pointed it at his head, his eyes closed, but I couldn’t shoot. Till this day, I have no idea why I didn’t shoot him. I should have shot him.

I don’t realize that I’m speaking to Harry. I think I’m just having thoughts, but I’m having the thoughts out loud.

“We were friends, I liked him. I can still remember all the good times we had together, but every memory was ruined by that day.” I say, not taking my eyes off of the vain.

Harry doesn’t know what to say, lost in his own thoughts of what I’ve just told him.

“Do you want to take him down?” He asks, gritting his teeth.

I look him in the eyes, his eyes have the same desire to break Alessandro just like mine.

“You don’t even have to ask.”

He spreads his hand to me, “Then, let’s take the son of a bitch down.”

I look at his hand before giving him mine, shaking his hand.

That deal will become the root Harry and I put down. The root to our first real interaction as partners, working on the same side instead of working against each other. Just like I hate human trafficking, Harry despises it. And just as much as Harry hates Alessandro, I despise him, as well.

My phone rings and I see the name of Bianca on the screen, I pick up the phone, “Shit! I totally forgot.” I say before answering, “Hello, beauty, sorry I’m not available now. Reschedule?”

The voice of Bianca yells from the other end, “No! Get your ass here right now!”

“I’m with Harry, Bianca.”

“I don’t care who y- wait? Harry? Your fiancé? Oh my god bring him with you! I want you here in five minutes tops.” Her tones go from up to down and then up again before she hangs up.

My eyes look at Harry’s face, “Wanna come? No? I thought so.” I ask and answer in a matter of seconds, not giving him the opportunity to answer.

“Hey, hey! Go where?” He asks with furrowed eyebrows.

“Ugh, Bianca is making me try the dress I chose for the wedding. She wants you to come.” I say, gathering my things to leave, standing up.

He stands up as well, “I’m coming with you.” He smirks, loving annoying me.

We leave the coffee shop and get into the car, I start the engine only to hear him laughing out of nowhere. I look at him, raising my eyebrows, “Are you crazy?”

“It’s just funny imagining you in a wedding dress.” He answers, still laughing at the image of me in a white dress.

“Why’s that? Am I that unfit to wear a wedding dress?” I start driving, irritated.

“Well, yeah.”

“What?”

“You’re not the usual girly.” He shrugs, pulling out his phone.

“You prefer weak girls? Sorry, you’re not marrying one.”

“I don’t prefer weak girls, and certainly don’t prefer you.”

“Bite me, Harry.” I roll my eyes as he’s scrolling on his phone.

“Bitch.” He mutters.

“Son of a bitch.” I mutter.

As I pull over by the place I should go and act like I give a fuck, I snatch my purse and get out, forgetting that I have a guy walking next to me. To be honest, I’m not forgetting him, I’m pretending to forget his existence. His tall figure, on the other hand, is not forgettable.

I walk in just to be hugged out of nowhere by Bianca who looks super excited. The place is full of white wedding dresses on mannequins everywhere. Harry smiles to himself, I don’t know that just like I don’t know that he’s loving the idea of being with me to try wedding dresses. Harry has been living the life of a king, has countless women to sleep with every day, owning whatever place his foot steps in. He knows that his ego is similar to mine. As if he owns whatever on top of the earth and what’s underneath.

Bianca pulls away from the hug, “Hi, Harry.” She says, shaking Harry’s hand, shyly. He shakes her hand back and smiles at her shyness.

To my surprise, I see Elio sitting on a luxurious couch in front of the fitting rooms, having a nap. I walk to him and lean down to his ear, “Elio!” I yell as he jumps in his place, looking around like a lost puppy.

“What? Is there a problem with the deal?” He, sleepily, asks. I laugh at him before drawing my attention to the assistant that will bring the dresses for me to try on.

Harry takes a seat next to Elio who’s cursing me, Harry chuckles and says hi to Elio.

“What are you doing here?” Harry asks, taking off his suit jacket and placing it next to him.

“Bianca forced me. She needs someone to control y/n.” Elio answers, rubbing his eyes.

“Is it that hard?” Harry arches a brow.

“Oh, you have no idea.” Elio says, watching as Bianca forces me to take off my jacket.

Harry watches us as well, chuckling as I’m arguing with Bianca.

“Bianca, you don’t want me to take it off.” I argue, trying to hold onto my jacket that she’s trying to undress me of.

“No way, take it off!” She insists as she pulls it off only to be surprised that there’s a bulge under my bodysuit. Her hand enters my bodysuit through the collar, touching me to catch whatever this bulge is.

“Hey! That’s harassment.” I playfully accuse her just when she pulls out my knife from its housing, she raises the knife to look at it in disbelief.

“A knife, y/n!?” She exclaims.

“Did you expect a dick under my bodysuit?” I smirk and she just stares at me. I notice Harry and Elio laughing at us from the couch, enjoying the situation.

“A bride with a knife under her clothes, how convenient!” She scoffs, walking to Elio to hand him the knife. Elio takes it from her and places it between Harry and him.

Harry and Elio laugh harder as they watch me pull out a couple of bullets from my bra, handing them to the surprised Biana whose mouth is open wide.

“Y/n, all of them.” Elio demands with a smile on his face.

I roll my eyes and pull out a Swiss knife from my jeans pocket, I hand it to the open palm of Bianca. She gives me a look, not believing that’s all I have.

“What? There’s nothing else.” I cross my arms. My eyes draft to Elio who’s chuckling and then to Harry who has a wide smile on his face.

He will deny it, but he’s having fun. Bianca walks again to Elio to give him the bullets and my Swiss knife then walks back to me with a threatening look, pointing her finger at me, “If I find any more weapons on you while we’re in the fitting room, I’ll make Harry strip search you.”

I am startled by her bringing up Harry in her words. On the other hand, Harry is smiling, “Will be my pleasure.”

I look at her with a confused face, “Why him?”

“Because it’ll be weird to make Elio do that.” She answers, simply, dragging me to the fitting room.

As I try arguing with Bianca to let me try the dress I chose earlier, she finally lets me try it after a hundred dress I hate. I look at my reflection in the mirror, this is what I look like in a big wedding dress. Like a beautiful woman in a wedding dress, I look. With no weapons on me, my fingers feel the fabric of the dress. Bianca looks at me with teary eyes, fingers intertwined, she thinks I’m the most beautiful bride she’s ever seen.

“Let’s show them the dress.” She says, opening the door of the fitting room.

“Isn’t it bad luck when the groom sees the bride in the wedding dress?” I ask.

“Nonsense, he has to see you! C’mon.” She encourages, helping me out of the fitting room. As I walk out of the fitting room, Harry’s eyes catch me walking towards them. His eyes inspect me from head to toe, he inspects my hourglass shape in the sparkly fabric, my skin tone, my cleavage, my hair that stops at the small of my back, and my face. I only see the warm smile that creeps on his face before I’m interrupted by Elio who takes me into his arms in a tight hug.

“You’re like a princess.” Elio says to me, pulling away from the hug and giving me a kiss on the cheek. I smile at his words before my I eyes look at my groom. But my groom has left, his seat is empty.

“Where did he go?” I ask Elio who looks at Harry’s empty seat.

“I don’t know, he was just here.”

I have no clue why, but my heart aches that he just left without I could see what look he had in his eyes when he saw me in the wedding dress. I didn’t get the chance to tease him, or to hear him give me a smirky response. In a minute he was there, and in a minute, he was no longer there. His absence has deeply affected my state, and I don’t have a clue why.

--

I am caught up in business. Going through meetings and controlling deals has been exhausting to the maximum, adding that Bianca won’t shut up about the wedding preparations. Getting Harry’s absence as he saw me in the wedding dress out of my mind has been quite challenging, but I put up with it just fine.

I still don’t want to marry him, I can’t see myself marrying, plus he’s a person I barely know. If I barely know him, then why am I so upset that he left me out of the blue?

The truth is, Harry didn’t like the feeling that he was happy seeing me wearing the wedding dress. Fear of liking me has started crawling into his head when he felt his heart hammering, looking at my attire. This is an arranged marriage, he shouldn’t like the bride, he shouldn’t pay her so much attention, his heart shouldn’t beat that fast. Or so he thinks. Because as a matter of fact, he likes me and that isn’t right to him.

Neither of us has given the wedding preparations any attention, we just know that tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow, we will be destined to stay together for the rest of our lives, tomorrow the sun of loneliness will set only for the new sun of unity to rise. This day, Harry has decided to spend his night with his lovely Bella, a prostitute that he has claimed for himself a long time ago, she’s a blondie with beautiful blue eyes and she doesn’t act like a hooker so that’s why he gives her special attention. Right before the day he’ll get married, he’s fucking a prostitute in his bedroom. He has her pinned on the bed, hovering above her as he’s thrusting in and out of her in silence. Harry’s so focused on fucking his feelings, anger, desperation, out on her. Her screams, face, and the rest of her body are given little to no attention at all unlike what he’s used to. His mind is focused on reaching his high without any images of you interrupting his thoughts. He can hear Bella screaming that she’s cumming, but he just continues roughly fucking her senseless until he finally reaches his high. He falls down next to her on the bed, panting. The room is dark and only a ray of light creeping through the bedroom’s window, and through the darkness he can see me on his mind, walking towards him in the wedding dress. My features are drawn in his head as he remembers me, he huffs, disappointed in himself. He takes off his condom only to throw in the bin next to his bed. His posture is straightened, sitting on the edge of the bed, head between his hands, trying to throw the thoughts away. He’s not supposed to like me, he thinks. Everything he likes and sees in me only become more and more provoking.

He feels Bella’s arms crawl on his shoulders, fingers sneak on his skin just like her head that’s placed on his other shoulder. Speaking in a soft voice, she asks, “Why the long face, Harry? You’re never silent during sex.”

“Sorry, Bella.” He only manages to apologize, raising his head from his hands as he feels her breasts on his back.

“Don’t apologize, I just wanna know what’s on your pretty head.” She says, playing with his hair. With no clue, Harry doesn’t know why he’s hating her touch, though he’s never hated it before.

“Tomorrow.” He manages, eyes are looking at the floor.

“Not excited to being a married man?”

“No.”

“Is the bride ugly?” She asks, liking the idea of Harry thinking that his bride is ugly.

“No!” He answers in a harsher tone than he intends. “She’s so beautiful, she-You should go, Bella.” He says softly, gently removing her arms off of his body.

Bella’s startled face nods before she stands up to wear her clothes, while Harry is still on the bed, lost in his own mind, not even hearing Bella’s voice as she says her goodbye. Her eyes go down, leaving his bedroom and closing the door behind her on Harry’s lost mind.

Meanwhile, I’m in the balcony, drinking a cup of tea and smoking a cigarette, thinking of tomorrow. The future is terrifying. The past, once, was the future. If we knew the future, would it matter for the past? Would life become better if we had the precise knowledge of time? I am utterly unaware of what life has for me, but is that a good thing? I do not have any idea how life with Harry will be, but I’m certain that I’m uncertain.

--

The wedding day.

Without the both of us realizing it, Harry and I are both looking at our reflections in the mirror. He’s inspecting his image in his own mirror, in his room, while I’m inspecting my image in my own mirror, in my room. My fingers feel the silver dress I have on my body, carving my shape. The makeup I have on only exudes my beauty, and the nails I have on only show how pretty my hands are, and every effort in my look only screams beauty. On the other hand, Harry is watching how handsome he looks in his expensive tuxedo. He hates the bow around his neck as much as I hate the high heels on my feet. But both of us, don’t look happy.

The wedding ceremony is right down there, in Paolo’s gardens of the mansion. But I’m still in my room, and Harry’s now is waiting for me. As I sit on the edge of my bed that I’m leaving for good, the door opens and I see Paolo along with Elio entering my room, I get a glimpse of my bridesmaids standing outside in their black dresses. My face doesn’t have the slightest trace of happiness, and both Elio and Paolo notice.

“Sei bellissima.” My father says, feeling his heart pound in his chest as he looks at his beautiful daughter in a wedding dress. Any father’s best day of life, is the day they see their beloved child in a wedding dress, ready to start their own families.

“She really is beautiful, uncle.” Elio agrees, noticing my sad face. Elio squats to level with my face, holding my hand. “Don’t be sad, everything will be alright, I promise.”

“I don’t wanna leave you and father.” I confess, trying not to cry, and with no doubt, I succeed.

“You’re not leaving, you’ll be living less than fifteen minutes away.” Elio assures me.

Though my father wants to calm me down, he doesn’t do that. Instead, my father says in a husky voice, “Get a grip, y/n! You’re doing this for the family.”

Elio hates the tone of my father, because Elio always has had a soft spot towards me, he treats me like a girl unlike my father. I nod at my father’s words and stand up, chin up, “I’m ready.” I say, confidently, sucking in every sadness in me.

Elio stands up again, sighing deeply as I take off of the room, arm in arm with Paolo. The bridesmaids are following as I take my steps down the stairs before walking to the gardens. The golden-colored and white flowers are everywhere, the welcome stand has my name and Harry’s on, the giveaways of candles for the guests are set on a beautiful wooden wide table. Everything seems like I’m marrying the love of my life, but I’m not, I’m marrying someone I don’t know. The veil that’s following me, I should love, but I don’t. The guests who’re enjoying their time, watching the bride walk down the aisle, I could not give a careless about. All I see is the beautiful altar that is decorated beautifully with light veins and flowers, and I can also see the man waiting for me at the end. A man whose hair is brushed back and eyes are watching every step I take along with my father. He looks handsome in jeans, but he looks even more breathtaking in a tuxedo.

As Harry’s standing there, he looks like he’s seeing a lovely painting, painted by Van-Gogh. His heart is hammering as my father brings him in a hug before he finds my hand in his. We both make our way to the priest, standing opposite to each other. None of us dare to look at each other, but we have to.

I raise my eyes up to see how handsome my future husband is. The dimples that are hidden because he’s not smiling, the pink lips which I will kiss, the skin of his face, the eyelashes, the green eyes that look like grass after a rainy day, all of this shall be mine. But will they actually be mine?

He raises his eyes up to see how gorgeous his future wife is. The painted full lips, the body carved by gods, the smile that’s missing, the thick lashes, the tone of skin, the hazel eyes that look like the sun after a rainy day, all of this shall be his. But will they actually be his?

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God to witness and celebrate the holy union of Y/N and Harry. Since it is your intention to enter into the covenant of Holy Matrimony, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and his Church” The priest says, pulling both of us of our thoughts.

Harry takes a deep breath, following the priest’s words, “I, Harry Styles, take you, Y/N Cappitani, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life”

His words mean so much, yet so little.

I sigh, deeply, following the priest’s words, “I, Y/N Cappitani, take you, Harry Styles, to be my husband. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life”

I don’t mean a single word I say. I don’t know you, Harry. I think.

The priest says his blessing over the wedding rings. Tyler, Harry’s friend brings him my ring. Slipping the ring on my finger, Harry says following the priest’s words, “Y/N, receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit”

I automatically do the same, placing the ring around his finger, following the priest’s words, “Harry, receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit”

I get lost in my thoughts again, I don’t hear a word the priest says, but I only get snapped out of it once I hear the word ‘Kiss’. Oh, hell no.

My eyes wander between Harry and the priest, shaking my head no, but Harry only grins at me.

“Kiss?” The priest asks, looking at me while shrugging his shoulders.

“Of course not! My father is here.” I refuse and everyone bursts into laughter. Paolo laughs, nodding his head at me as an approval.

“We have to kiss.” Harry’s grin widens, pulling at my hand so I stand in his arms. His body is rock-hard or I feel so. I can feel the heat up my cheeks, not letting my eyes off of the guests, avoiding Harry’s gaze.

“I can’t kiss a boy in front of my father!” I state only for the laughter to grow louder.

“Just kiss him already!” Elio yells, chuckling at me.

“I’m your husband now, I can kiss you whenever I want.” Harry whispers into my ear and I only feel my cheeks getting hotter. I have never been in a situation like this.

With wide eyes, I feel Harry’s hands cupping my cheeks and pulling my head slightly forward. His head leans down, his breath hits my lips right before his lips gently touch mine. His lips are the softest lips I’ve ever felt in my entire life, his minty breath draws me into kissing him back. I can feel the warmth that suddenly hit my whole body just by the touch of his lips, and I can feel the butterflies growing in my stomach. The kiss is gentle and sweet, and it feels so good to kiss someone you’re meant to kiss. Pulling away, I sigh with my lips apart, I want to kiss him again, I shouldn’t. Get a grip! I think.

Harry’s grin fires my craving to his kiss again, but the cheering I hear stops me. His eyes look more beautiful from this distance.

--

The celebration is nice, but my head is still lingering on the memory of my first kiss with Harry. Elio has a lot of fun, dancing with girls here and there, enjoying his time. Everyone seems to be happy with the unity of the Cappitani and the Styles. After a while, as Harry and I are sitting next to each other, having glasses of champagne. Elio clicks on his glass to make a toast.

“Oh God, he’s gonna tell an embarrassing story.” My palm finds my forehead, Harry smiles and watches Elio who stands up from his chair and grabbing the mic from someone I don’t care to know.

“Hello everyone,” He starts, talking from the mic. “We’re here to celebrate the wedding of my beautiful y/n. Y/n is the most amazing person you can ever know in your life, she has the biggest heart although she’s very bad at showing it.” Everyone laughs. “She’s independent, powerful, strong, and every good quality in the book. Don’t worry, y/n, I won’t talk about the time you punched a guy just because he confessed his love to you. I hope you don’t punch Harry today.”

“I will.” I smile, giving him a thumbs up as Harry’s giggling next to me.

“And Harry, if you ever have trouble controlling her, call me.”

“I’ll take care of it, Elio.” Harry replies, chuckling.

“The last thing I wanna say is, Y/n is my sister, she’s everything in my life, she’s the backbone every guy needs in life. Harry, she will stand tall in the darkest times even if you wish to get down on your knees, she’ll always pull you up. Y/n will move heaven and earth for someone she cares about, so make sure to be that someone. To Y/N and Harry!” He raises his glass and everyone follows, cheering and clicking their glasses.

I smile to Elio who smiles back at me. I love him more than he even can realize.

A couple of people make their toasts, but as the last one is making his toast, “I wish you both the b-“

He’s interrupted by a loud clicking sound on a glass, our eyes follow the sound. The sound comes from the glass Alessandro holds in his hand as he stands by Harry and I’s table. He has a black suit on, but the bags under his eyes are darker than his suit. His silver hair is messy and he looks terribly sad.

“It’s my time to make a toast!” Alessandro starts, eyes look crazy as he watches men stand up and before our men grab their guns, Alessandro’s men raise their guns up, I notice two of them holding machine guns pointing them at everyone. Harry looks startled but makes a good job hiding it, but he can’t lift the gun under his jacket as one of Alessandro’s men point their own gun at his head. How are they here? The mansion should be protected.

“No need for violence, for now.” Alessandro says, deepening his voice at the last part. “I wanna say, Y/n has played a huge part in my life. An excruciating part, actually. I fell in love with everything about her, every little detail, hear me?” His words are directed to Harry, eyes are crazy with anger as he’s looking at Harry. Harry’s lips turn upside down in both disgust and anger, wishing he can shoot Alessandro in the head. “She was so sweet to me, so beautiful. Honey, I never could see you in another man’s arms, I couldn’t let him have you. You saved yourself for me, remember? You fucking saved yourself for me! How could you?” As his words turn to me, his tone of voice gets nicer and softer. I look him in the eyes with no expression, getting comfortable in my chair, arms crossed. “You just come and take her? Huh? What do you even know about her? Tell me Harry, what’s y/n’s favorite color?”

“Black.” Harry answers, confidently. The answer is correct.

“Oh yeah? What’s her favorite meal? What angers her? What’s her favorite place?” Alessandro walks closer to Harry, the glass in his hand shakes as his hand shakes.

“Pasta. Disrespect and underestimation. Paul’s coffee shop.” Harry answers, looking into Alessandro’s black eyes with nothing but confidence, certainty and rage.

I am surprised that he gets all the answers right, but my eyes are still on Alessandro who’s annoyed and insane. “Are you done?” I ask in monotonic voice.

“Sorry, am I boring you?” He asks, moving behind my chair.

“Very.” I answer as I feel his nose brush onto my hair, sniffing me. His eyes close as he breathes in my scent.

“If you touch her, I’ll blow your brains out.” Harry growls, biting his bottom lip.

“Don’t worry, darling. He knows better.” I smirk as Alessandro’s face is in sight, his face is dangerously close to mine. Everyone’s eyes are on the situation, not even one person can pull up their gun. Women and girls looking afraid, fear eating their skins.

“Do I, Y/n? All I wanna do is touch you.” His hand hovers above my cheeks, wanting to touch me but not actually doing so. “I wanna touch you so bad.”

“Are you done?” I ask again, glaring at him.

“No! He!” He pulls up his black metal gun and points it at Harry’s forehead in frustration. “He took you from me.”

“Exactly, so gather your puppies and get out or I won’t be so nice.” Harry makes eye contact with Alessandro, not intimidated by the guns pointed at him.

“Let’s be clear, Alessandro. If you harm Harry, I’ll kill you. I should’ve done that when I had the chance.” I say, slowly.

Alessandro’s eyes go down, feeling a gun under his chin. My gun. No one has imagined that a bride will have a gun under her dress, but I do. I hold the gun, the tip of my gun right under his chin. Temptation eats me to kill him.

“You wouldn’t do that.” Alessandro softens his voice, not believing that I’d do that.

“Try me.” I shrug.

“But I love you!” He screams, crazily.

“I don’t give the slightest fuck. Tell your men to leave. NOW!” I shout the last part, feeling the gun’s weight heavies in my hand due to the fact I’m fighting the urge to shoot.

A moment of silence. I know Alessandro thinks of every possibility to kill Harry without losing me, but he can’t. His face darkens with more sadness and lowers his gun, nodding his head at his men. They put down their guns but stand still.

“Now all of you leave!” I order, not lowering my gun. Alessandro straightens up to swallow his glass of champagne to the last drop, then looks at me.

“You’re the most beautiful thing in the world.” He says with complete adoration eating his eyes, but suddenly he’s snatched and thrown on the table in front of me with a loud thug.

Harry has snatched him by the collar and thrown him on the table, Harry who’s pinning Alessandro down, hand holding him by the collar while his other hand is holding onto his gun and pointing at Alessandro’s forehead. My eyes widen as all of this happens in a matter of seconds, jumping up from my seat. Harry’s eyebrows are furrowed, lips turned upside down and eyes are just wide with rage.

“Hahaha,” Alessandro laughs after he’s swallowed the surprise. “Do it, please. She’ll be the last thing my eyes see.”

“Don’t fucking mention her one more time! She’s MY wife! She’s all mine! She’s my wife, you piece of shit!” Harry sees red as he’s yelling in Alessandro’s face.

Our families’ guns are pointed now at Alessandro’s men and I see Elio standing next to me, pointing his gun at the guy who had a gun at Harry’s head a minute ago. “Don’t even think about it.” Elio growls at the guy.

The whole situation is complete and utter chaos. That’s what happens every time Alessandro makes an appearance.

“She’ll never be yours, she loves me. She’s always loved me.” Alessandro’s voice is daring.

I see the guy Elio’s pointing at is taking a step closer slowly towards Harry. Elio follows and takes a step forwards to the guy, “I fucking dare you to take one more step!” Elio threatens.

“No, you piece of shit!” Harry’s hand tightens around his gun. “Joke’s on you, she’s mine. She’ll love me, and I’ll do everything you can’t do to her. I’ll love her, I’ll protect her! And listen to this, motherfucker, I’ll even FUCK HER!” Harry shouts, pulling Alessandro up by the collar only to smash him back down on the table.

I look over at the table and I see Paolo’s gaze on me, I know that look very well. His eyes tell me to take control. His expressionless face tells me to stop this situation at once.

“You won’t, know why? Because she only wants m-“ Alessandro objects, but is interrupted by a loud sound of a gunshot.

All eyes but Harry’s are on me as my arm is fully raised as I shoot at the sky. I glare at everybody in sight as Harry throws a punch to Alessandro’s face. “GO FUCKING ON!” Harry yells, ready to kill his anger out.

“Harry,” I softly call lowering my arm, but his eyes won’t leave Alessandro. “Harry, please, let me handle this.” I ask, gently, as my hand feels his hand that’s holding the gun. His hand finally lowers down and his eyes calm a bit, but they don’t let Alessandro out of sight. I take the chance to push Harry gently away while Alessandro is still on the table, laughing.

I grab Alessandro by the collar up on his feet and I whisper something only him and I can hear. His fingers trace over my hand that’s around his collar and smiles, “I’ve missed your touch.” He says.

Harry who fumes and walks towards Alessandro again once he hears Alessandro’s words, has been stopped by his friend Tyler whose gun is also pointed somewhere. “Wait, Harry, let her handle him.” Tyler speaks softly to Harry.

“Go!” I demand, letting go of Alessandro.

Alessandro stands there, towering over me and smiling widely at me. He’s loving the moment he’s close to me, wanting to savor it. He nods before he walks away with his men following him and as he’s walking, I call, “Alessandro!”

He turns around to look at me just to jump in his place once he hears the gunshot of my gun, he looks next to him to the guy who’s now dead. His head looks up at me with surprise.

“This is the guy that had his gun at Harry.” I explain and then shoot again just for another guy to fall down. “And this is the guy that betrayed us and let you in.”

He laughs, insanely, clapping his hands “You rock! I’ll take them to save you the trouble.”

He motions to the rest of his men to grab the dead bodies as I lower my gun. Killing is not my first option, only when it’s necessary. Harry stands behind me, his hand at the lower of my back and I let out a breath I don’t know I’m keeping in.

“I wanna leave.” I whisper, but he hears my voice clearly just as much he feels my agony.

--

Harry opens the passenger door for me, we have arrived at Harry’s penthouse. He snatches me out of my thoughts by this action, he gives me a hand out of car. It’s easy to get out of the car because I changed previously into a white plain dress. The dress is silky and is covering my cleavage but showing so much of my legs and back. I take his hand as we walk into the building and right into the elevator, without a single word spoken. Silence is a blessing as much as it’s a curse. You can appreciate silence either when you have too much to say, or when you completely have no words to form. And also, these are the same reason you can depreciate silence for. We stand apart from each other as the elevator levels up and up. Harry’s hands in his pockets and I can feel his fighting an urge to look at me. When the sound of the elevator beeps, ending the silence, we both get out and as I take my first step into the apartment I’ll live in, I see that the penthouse looks so good. It’s modern-styled, most colors are either white, grey or black, it lacks the touch of a woman.

“Let me show you around?” Harry suggests, placing his keys on the kitchen counter. I nod and follow him.

“This is the living room as you can see,” He points at the living room, it has a huge TV screen that can be used for movie nights and modern white couch with no cushions. The place is minimalistic. Too minimalistic for my liking. But the panoramic huge glass window makes up for the shitty decoration. “The kitchen is open, do whatever you want in there.” He points, the kitchen is also white and there’s nothing on the counter but the coffee machine. The kitchen looks luxurious.

As we walk inside, “This is the guest’s bathroom. This is a guest’s room.” He shows me both and I like the space in each room. “My office and right next to it is your office.” He opens the first room and it’s too white, it must be torturous to sit there. My office is plain and my eyes furrow as I see it, “I didn’t do anything in here, I want you to decorate it as you want.” He explains as he sees the look on my face.

I nod at him and we continue walking, “A gym room.” The gym room has a lot of necessary equipment and a punching bag. I like it.

We stand by the last door; his eyes smile though his lips don’t. “Last but not least, the main bedroom.” He opens the door and I see a huge room; the colors of the walls are different from the rest of the penthouse. The walls are latte-colored, a much warmer color. A huge bed by the wall, and that wall is completely cushioned. I enter the room and explore, there’s a big dressing room and I think Bianca’s taken care of my unpacking for me. A vanity stands there with so much makeup and perfumes I never bought, I look at Harry. Everything has a high-class logo on it.

“Did Bianca buy me these?” I ask Harry, suddenly loving being a little girly.

“No, I did.” He answers, not giving me an expression. “Do you like the place?” He asks, not realizing that he wants me to actually like the place I’ll be living in.

I take a moment, “No.” I answer as he hides his disappointment. “The place looks like no one’s been living here for too long. It needs more decorations.”

He clears his throat, “I bought this place three years ago and I only come here once a month to check up on it. I haven’t actually lived here.” He answers, truthfully.

“Why?” I ask, sitting on the vanity’s chair to take off my makeup.

He doesn’t answer, he just looks at me as he leans on the door frame, watching as I take off my makeup with a cotton round. Inspecting my skin color as I move, his mind wanders.

“What did you whisper to Alessandro?” He asks, falling in the trap of curiosity.

I finish taking off all the makeup, not giving Harry even the slightest eye contact. Standing up and walking towards the dressing room, his eyes follow me. I turn my head to look at him through the dressing room’s glass wall, “Do you wanna sleep here or in the guests’ room?” I ask, avoiding his question.

Not that he has thought I’d let him have sex with me, but he at least has thought we’d have a decent conversation. I think that we don’t have anything to talk about, we shouldn’t even pretend that we like each other and force a conversation. We’re just two strangers locked together in an inescapable cage. Marriage. As much as I really want to prove people right, I can’t guarantee that I’ll act like a real married woman. And I know for sure and certain that he can’t guarantee that he has the determination to become a real married man.

“I’ll go out, you can sleep here.” He answers and I nod. I turn my head, thinking he’s left, I pull out a pajama to sleep in. I let the spaghetti straps of my dress fall off my shoulders just for the dress to fall down around my feet, I stand there in my white black lace thin panties and no bra, my back faces Harry’s eyes that still watch my half naked body.

I pull on my pajama shorts after pulling off my high heels, and as I put on my pajama blouse I turn around to an empty room.

--

Fucking a prostitute on his wedding night is the last thing Harry’s thought would happen. But it happens. Because in the middle of the night, I wake up to muffled man moans and woman screams of pleasure. I straighten my posture on the bed, looking at the clock, still hearing the sounds along with a sound of a bed banging on the wall. I rub my face, not realizing what in hell is happening. I take off the blanket of my body, stand up to walk out of my bedroom. The voices are getting louder with every step I take towards the guests’ room and that is when it hits me. The guests’ room’s door is right in front of me, and I can hear the woman’s voice screaming his name and hear Harry’s voice.

“Louder!” He screams as if he wants me to hear it.

Rage runs through my veins, and I feel like I can’t do anything. I have no idea what I should do. Should I barge in and kill them both? Should I let them have their fun? Or should I leave once and for all? And as I stand there, thinking and drowning in my own thoughts, I hear them both release their damned climaxes. How convenient!

I’ll make him regret it.

I noticed earlier that he has a cabinet in his office filled with guns and there was a baseball bat. NO! That’s shouldn’t be something I do now. Why am I so upset? Of course, I’m upset. He’s my husband and he’s fucking a girl in our home on our wedding night.

Harry who lays there, panting, doesn’t give the girl the chance to cuddle with him and coldly orders, “Get your things and leave.”

The girl pats her eyelashes at him, but he just looks at her with a stone-cold expression so she does what she’s ordered. Once she’s out of his bedroom, he stands up and pulls up his boxers, getting out of the room. He tiptoes his way towards the bedroom, slowly opening the door slightly only to see my body on the bed, sleeping. He sighs and turns around to leave.

My eyes are open as I feel him open the door, and I have a poker face on. I dive my face into the pillow when he closes the door, letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding the whole time.

--

The door of my office opens and there is Harry’s figure, looking at me as I check my guns and weapons before I place them in the cabinet. I sit on a leather chair, checking a nickel gun in my hand and I don’t give Harry any attention though I feel him entering the office. I’ve changed so much in my office in a couple of hours. I have a modern desk and some electronics on top, a few green plants and some decorations such as the paintings hanging on the walls. A small couch and a small library filled with books.

“Good morning.” He starts, but I don’t return it. “When did you do all that?”

My eyes look in front of me to the vain, I make a clicking sound with the gun I have in my hands.

“Breakfast is on the kitchen counter.” I say in a monotonic voice, putting the gun in the cabinet before closing it.

“Are you okay?” He asks, thinking I don’t have a reason to be this silent. In the end, he thinks I was asleep last night as he fucked a girl on our wedding night.

I stand up, facing him with a big smile on my face, “Of course! I have to go out now.” I say, walking past him and out the door.

It’s not easy to control a girl like me, he can’t just pin me against a wall and demand answers.

He stands there, not realizing a word that’s come out of me and just when he snaps out of it, he jogs to follow me only to see the elevator doors close while I’m inside. He places his forehead on the elevator doors, sighing, “Oh God, what have I done?”

--

I disappear for a whole day, Harry hears nothing from me and he can’t just ask someone to look for me because that’ll put him on the spot of what he has done, so he’s decided to look for me on his own. He’s went to my favorite coffee shop, he’s kept driving around, searching for a trace of me or my car, but he can’t find me. He makes his way back to the penthouse, thinking I may have returned. He’s right. So right. Once he takes his first step into the penthouse, he hears moaning. His eyes widen, trying to question his own hearing, walking down the hall to the bedroom only for him to hear me moaning a man’s name and he also finds a man’s moaning coming from the room. He slams the room’s door open.

I smirk at him, sitting on the futon by the bed, fully clothed in the same outfit I’ve had on before leaving, all alone, and there’s a porn video playing on my laptop that’s placed on the bed. His eyes are still wide, looking around the room, looking for the man he thinks is hiding. I can feel his anger by watching his flared nostrils, the vein that’s popping in his forehead and his clenched jawlines.

I press the pause button on the laptop, “Not a very pleasant surprise, eh?” I ask, smirking slightly at his anger.

“Why?” He wonders, taking a step into the room and closer to me.

“You know why. Fucking another girl on our wedding night isn’t a pleasant surprise, too.”

“It’s not like I’m cheating, we don’t care about each other!” He yells, angrily.

“It is cheating. I’m your wife, son of a bitch!” I yell back, standing up, facing him.

“It’s an arranged marriage, it’s not like I want to touch you.”

“Do I look like I’m dying to suck your dick?”

“Here we go again with the smarty shit!”

“If you desperately love hookers, you can take them anywhere but here!”

“It’s my house! I can do whatever I want!” He yells at my face and I glare at him.

“Everything Alessandro says sounds so right now.” I growl, making my way past him to leave, but he grabs my arm.

“What did you just say?” He glares back at me.

“Are you deaf? He’s right, I won’t ever give myself to a piece of shit like you.” I spit the truth, not the full truth but still.

“You have a filthy mouth.” He bites his bottom lip in frustration, tightening his grip around my arm.

“Just like yours.” I free my arm from his hand and walk out of the room and in to the room’s bathroom. I slam the door behind me and sit on the floor, trying to hold back the tears I’ve kept. Since I’m alone, I let my tears fall down my cheeks, sniffing the sadness I feel from remembering Harry’s voice out the door. I can’t feel that, but Harry stands by the bathroom’s door, palms spread on the door frame and head down. He wants to say he’s sorry, but he can’t.

I stand up to look at my reflection in the wide mirror of the bathroom, my eyes are blood red from all the tears I’ve managed. I turn on the water to splash my face, breathe in, breathe out. I make my way to the door, open it to find no one’s there. I quickly grab new clothes and walk to the bathroom again to take a shower, not bothering to look for Harry.

Standing under the shower, the hot water drops hit my skin in the loveliest way, washing away the feelings. I raise my head up so the drops hit my face, doing so I get glimpses of Harry in every encounter we’ve had. His face is too unforgettable to just get out of the mind, his touch fires my heart like a bullet.

I’ve always had my way with words, I can write poems of his features. Harry can’t be loved by just one heart, he’s worthy of a thousand hearts, but I only have one. He’s worthy of a heart to adore his voice, a heart to contemplate his silence, another heart for his eyes. I have a lot to say about him, but time isn’t enough. I hope there’s a way to get closer to him, just to touch him and forget about the rest of the world. He’s so easy to fall in love with, but I just can’t.

I make my way out of the bathroom with a towel around my body, but once I open the bathroom’s door, I see Harry’s body laying on the bed. His eyes inspect me, they wander, looking at the water drops the fall from the tips of my hair, the showing wet skin of mine, and my face that’s looking right at him. He grins at me and pats on the bed next to him, motioning for me to take a seat. Not controlling myself much, I do what he wants, sitting on the edge of the bed, but not giving him the pleasure of an eye contact.

I can feel his gaze on me, and all I can do is hold the towel tight around my body.

“You smell so good.” He starts, softly, his deep voice sends shivers down my spine, especially that I feel him move closer to me. I have this craving to let him touch me, but I stay silent. “Get dressed, I’m taking you out.” His voice gets sterner as he asks.

“Where?” I ask, hating how low my voice is.

“You’ll see.” He says, getting off the bed and walking away.

There’s a feeling in me that wants to give in to him, but desperately I hold this feeling back. I sigh, wishing I know more about him.

--

Harry opens the passenger door for me, I smile to myself at his gesture as I take a seat. He closes the door and walks around the car to open his own door and sits next to me. The smell of his wooden cologne makes him a little more attractive tonight, and since he’s wearing the infamous black shirt and black tight jeans, it drives my eyes to curiously wander to his tattoos. His body looks toned and very touchable. He catches my eyes and immediately I look away.

“Like what you see?” He grins, looking between me and the road.

“You’re not that bad, I was just wondering about your tattoos.” I answer, acting cool.

“What about them?” He asks, liking the simple conversation.

“How many do you have?”

“Ugh, I lost count. Do you have any tattoos?” He asks, casually.

“I have one, got it behind my father’s back when I was 17.” I chuckle, remembering.

“Tell me about it.” He asks me, nicely, having a smile on his face and I really get the urge to feel his dimples.

“It’s stupid. Elio and I decided we wanted tattoos like older people so we went to that tattoo place two blocks away. He had a tattoo on his thigh, and he hated the feeling of the needle. I teased him about it so he dared me to get a tattoo on my thigh as well, though I wanted one on my shoulder. I kept screaming at the tattoo artist and almost hit him.” I tell, giggling just like Harry.

“What did you get, then?” He asks, smiling.

A daring feeling get the best of me, so I raise my leg up on the console. I have a long black silky dress on, and it has the cut on one side so when I raise my leg up my whole right leg shows. Harry looks my leg up from the black heels I have on and down to my fully exposed thigh. My tattoo is a small daisy just a couple of inches away from my heat. His breathing gets harder as he eyes my flesh. I see him gulp and stiffen a little on his seat.

“It’s beautiful.” He manages, looking at the road again, trying to avoid the bulge that’s forming in his pants.

“Like what you saw?” I smirk, putting my leg down.

He gives me a single look that’s enough for me to feel myself get wetter, “I love it.”

With that he pulls over by a restaurant, he gets out of the car and walks over it to open the door for me. Once I’m completely out, he closes the door and takes my hand as we walk into the restaurant. He says his name to one of the employees and we take our seats at one of the tables. Although the restaurant is fancy, it’s also cozy so that makes me a little more comfortable in my seat.

“I pre-ordered for us if you don’t mind. Let’s hope you’ll like my choice.” Harry starts, he’s always the one that starts the conversation. And maybe this is something I like about him.

“No problem.” I smile softly. I can feel his eyes burning holes on my skin, he admires my skin tone as it glows in the light, my shiny long hair and every little detail about me. The ignorant me doesn’t know that he loves the fact that this woman before him is his. I have to admit, we -women-, hate to be thought of as a thing a man owns, we hate to be seen as a piece of decoration, but sometimes it feels good to feel owned by someone. If the person of interest treats you right, loves you, doesn’t ruin your life with his possessiveness, it’ll feel good to be owned by them. Owning a person doesn’t mean that you have the authority to stop them from something they like, it doesn’t mean to force them into something they don’t want, on the contrary, owning and being owned is more of a feeling. Security is the feeling, to be certain that your person is yours and only yours. It’s fascinating when you think about it, their body, hands, face, features, qualities and all is your own. Your own to admire and feel, not to destroy and ruin.

“Tell me more about you, y/n.” He, again, starts.

“Ugh, let me think. You already know too much about me, I’m not that open book.” I smile, sipping from my glass of fine wine.

“I’m your husband, I should know everything.” He plays his ‘Husband’ card again, and I let him.

“My mother died when she was having me, my father took care of me and Elio. I don’t know what else to say.” I chuckle like a little girl, slightly nervous.

“Anything you want to say, I’m all ears.” He smiles at me; his voice sends heat into my skin.

“Well, I was homeschooled, just like everyone. I don’t have friends other than my cousins. I got into business really young, father had me start from the least decent job.”

“From zero to hero.” He giggles, holding his glass of wine, sipping from it. “My dad did the same to me.”

“No wonder they’re friends.” I shrug, hands holding my arms.

“What about boyfriends? Had any?” His question startles me, though it’s a very expected question. I shake my head no and he asks again with furrowed eyebrows, “How so?”

“I was not the girl that dates around, I was only interested in my family business, my family and that was it, you know?” He nods his head only to startle me again with another question.

“Then what was Alessandro?”

“Ugh, he was never my boyfriend, I was into him at some point, but he started creeping me out. He’d talk to people as if we were together, he had this imaginary idea of me saving myself for him, but that’s not the truth.”

“What’s the truth, then?” He asks, grinning, enjoying my denial to Alessandro’s claims.

“As I said, I was not the girl to date. That’s why I never wanted someone enough to sleep with. I like tough guys, tough enough to stand up to me.” I look into his eyes and I can see his eyes grin just like his mouth. “What about you? Had a girlfriend?”

Sipping the last drop of his glass, “Oh yeah! To be honest, I’ve had many.”

“You give the vibe of a fuckboy anyways.” I tease, holding the wine glass in between my fingers.

“Unfortunately, I believe you.”

“Have you ever fallen in love?”

It seems like my question is unexpected to him, because his face goes down just when the words come out of my mouth. The silence is broken by the waitress bringing our plates and refilling our glasses, we give her a thanks and once she leaves I see that Harry has ordered fancy pasta with pesto sauce. My eyes look up to him again and I feel the mood goes down.

“Harry?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He sternly, says.

“Understandable.” I nod and bring my fork to eat.

Not that I am not curious, but I know that I need to respect other people’s choice of not talking. The rest of the night goes well, to my surprise. Talking and teasing each other all the time. And when it’s time to go home, driving back to our place, I hear him sigh.

“I wanted to apologize for what happened on our wedding night. I shouldn’t have done that, I just thought you didn’t care.” He apologizes, and it seems like it’s hard for him to do so.

“Apology accepted. Now you know that I do care.” I say as he pulls over by our building, pulling the handbrake. I have got no clue why, but watching his hand pull the handbrake turns me on, maybe it’s the way I see how big his hands are around it, or maybe my imagination that wanders of the things his hands can do.

He rests in his seat, facing me and looking into my eyes, his look like grass after a rainy day.

“Your eyes look like grass after a rainy day.” I confess, his eyes widen a little. “What?”

“That’s so weird. I always thought that yours look like the sun after a rainy day.” He confesses back and we both smile at each other.

His scent drives me insane, and all I can think about is our first kiss at the altar. His lips were so gentle yet so dominant, I wish I could kiss them again. His hand comes closer to me, pulling a strand of my hair, feeling it. His eyes go from my hair to my lips, thinking about the chance to actually kiss me again. Biting my lip, nervously, I see him lean in closer to me. His lips are inches away from mine, breathing onto them, partially open.

Temptation grows and butterflies fly in my stomach as with every breath I smell his cologne. A small strand of his soft brown hair falls on his forehead, and his eyes look down with deep desire at my lips which are apart.

“Do you want to kiss me?” Softly, I ask, falling into the same trap Harry falls into every time.

With frustrated long sigh, he pulls away from me, clenching his hands and craving to feel my skin on his hands. I let out a deep breath, disappointed. I look away and open the door next to me, but I feel his hand grabs my arm roughly, pulling me closer. In just one swift move, he leans in and crashes our lips together.

Heat along with desire burst from the kiss. His lips are as soft as a cloud, and though it’s very dominant. His lips nib onto mine, exploring the details of my lips. Caught up in the bliss of the moment, I give in and kiss him back. His hands make their way around my waist, trying to pull me closer to him. While his hands enjoy the feeling of my shape, my fingers run through his soft locks, deepening the steamy kiss. Filled with built up frustration, Harry’s lips pull my bottom lip. His teeth gently follow his lips move, giving me the attention, I crave. I can taste the wine on his full lips just like he can taste it on mine. The passion he puts into the kiss tells me that he really is determined to savor the moment, savor the taste of my lips on his.

Just when I thought the moment would last forever, he pulls away, panting on my lips. His forehead on mine for a second before he completely pulls away and just like that I miss his touch around me, I miss his lips on mine again.

His gaze is turned on the cement of the road, “We shouldn’t.” That’s the only thing he manages.

I bite my lip, still feeling his left scent on my lips. Violently, I make my way out of the car, not closing the door behind me. I walk towards the building in the most powerful, yet seductive way. Not feeling it, but his eyes are on me as I’m walking.

If he thinks it’s fine to kiss me just to pull away, then I’ll give him a taste of his own medicine.

War it is.

[shadowtriovibes]

I don't know if this works but I feel like this would be the best angst 30 and 20 Fem!oc and Ominis

Maybe intense and oc coming very close to turning to the dark side but still loving her pure Ominis idk. I think it would be good

"it hurts me, just how much i ache for you… i am sorry that you found out this way."

—

You’ve got your wand jammed right up against the jugular of one of the last remaining loyal Ashwinders hiding out in the Highlands when you hear a voice cry out, “Stop!”

How Ominis managed to track you down to this desolate, decrepit campsite you’ll never know, but nevertheless here he stands with his wand drawn at his side, his hooded cloak wrapped tightly around him.

“Ominis,” you call out without turning around. “Leave. You aren’t safe here.”

You know he can hear the angry red sparks emanating from the end of your wand, painfully stinging the Ashwinder’s bare skin.

Good, you think. You hope he feels every second of torture, because his death will be mercifully quick.

“Enough,” Ominis insists. He sounds weary, and broken. “You’ve done enough, don’t you understand? Killing another follower of Rookwood’s isn’t going to fix anything.”

It isn’t going to bring Professor Fig back, or Lodgok, or even Solomon, you think. You’ve known that as you continued to hunt down former Ashwinders who’ve gone into hiding, nevertheless hoping that making them pay for their crimes with their lives would bring you some sort of solace.

(It never has, but here you are anyway.)

“Give me one good reason why I should let this one go,” you grit out, jamming the wand harder against the man's neck. “Go on, Ominis. Why should I spare him?”

“Because I love you,” Ominis shouts. “And the woman I love would never dream of using her magic for something like this.”

…Love?

You didn’t even think you were even capable of being loved anymore – not after all the destruction you’d wrought, the lives you’ve taken. (The lives you’d let be taken as a result of your inaction, which you swore to never let happen ever again.)

“I am… sorry that you found out this way,” Ominis confesses, his voice trembling. “I never imagined it would be like this, but… I need you to know.”

“Why?” you demand. “Why now, Ominis?”

Instead of answering, Ominis simply asks, “Does it change anything for you to know that I’m perilously in love with you? It hurts me, just how much I ache for you.”

“Ominis,” you whisper. “Don’t.”

“You don’t have to do this,” he pleads. “Just… lower your wand, please. Spare him.”

You keep your wand trained on the man, even as your hand trembles.

“Don’t you see what this is doing to you?” Ominis calls out softly. “Dark Magic like this, it’s… it’s poison. I’ve seen what it’s done to you already, but you can still turn back, love. Please, just… turn back with me.”

You finally relent and pull back your wand, and the Ashwinder draws in a shaky, desperate breath before quickly Disapparating out of the camp. You collapse to the ground as angry tears start to stream down your face, and you let out an anguished wail.

“You’re alright,” Ominis says as he falls to his knees beside you and pulls you against his chest. “You’ll see, love, this is just the beginning.”

For the first time in many months, something that feels like hope takes root in your chest.