#i'll have to have a chat about it i think lol

[celeryw]

actually need to go to bed i have been waking up extremely late

[todayisafridaynight]

i cant explain it but daigo being subtitled to just be like 'you're making me look like i have no balls' feels so illegal and wrong. hilarious but something's off

[icewindandboringhorror]

finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh

[infinitystation]

it's been a LONG time since i've made any sort of personal post but i wanna ramble a bit! i've never felt more relief than finally deciding to use the term aro for myself after fighting with it on and off for at least 5 years. i'm not sure WHY it's so relieving but it is!

(under the cut bc it's long, i genuinely havent spoken here in like. years. even stopped talking on my sideblog bc i feel a bit safer on a private twitter for personal posts...)

the way i found out was a little hilarious but i am Not going into all that here that's for my private twitter, long story short someone made a post along the lines of "romance is something you FEEL not something you DO" and i was like. wait what the hell you guys Feel a crush you don't just Make one?? OH THAT'S MAKES WAY MORE FUCKING SENSE- *(&$@#)*&%^* quickly realized i had spent my whole life trying to Make crushes oops. there's more to it but that's the extremely simplified version

i had a big relief when realizing my sexuality and gender too but this one was a lot different for some reason. maybe because i'm older now? i'm not really sure. could have also been because i've been fighting with it for so long. i did the same with gender stuff too but it never felt like this big revelation, it was a lot slower and easier to come to terms with. this one made me reevaluate my entire life and go "ohhhhh that's what i was doing wrong all those years" lmao

i dont think i've ever loved myself so much since realizing this. fuck the loveless aro thing (shoutout to you guys tho, just couldnt be me), i am SO full of love. now i realize what was wrong the whole time! trying to put people above other people and put them in the Special Love category was fucking me up, love doesnt need to fall into special categories with certain terms and conditions, it can just be whatever i want it to be and as strong as it wants to be without it ever leaving the "platonic" stage and i love that. realizing that my friends are the closest people in my life and that doesn't have to change has been so nice. no more "you'll find someone Even More Special" these are just my favorite people! i love them! we dont have to get into a relationship to make it The Specialest Relationship, what we have is enough

i am also having way more fun headcanoning characters tbh, that's a silly point but it's a fun one. i never fully understood the "giving your faves your identity" thing bc i just did whatever i saw fit regardless of whether it was MY identity or not, but making random characters aro is awesome. not all of them, i'm a big fan of fictional relationships (relationships are super fun from a distance i love smacking my guys together like barbie dolls). but taking my old inkling oc and making him aro? that has made me so fucking happy. rip to his boyfriend FKJHG

[tardis--dreams]

Last night i dreamt that the whole chat history between me and my most beloved ex-coworker had been deleted. Truly one of the most horrifying nightmares i've had in a while

[autistic-beanmonster2]

well i'm about to have an interesting day

[lonesomedotmp3]

the utter lack of affection or care amongst my extended family is so bleak and miserable

[orcelito]

Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.

But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.

[autoraton]

What's the best tv show. That exists. Inside the world.

hit fox procedural bones (2005) starring david boreanaz and emily deschanel

[splodey-goat]

I don't begrudge anyone for ever being like "yeah I don't know if I really wanna be your friend" and especially not just, like, drifting away y'know?

But the point it immediately switches from "aw, sad, that friendship got away from us huh" to "hey fuck you actually it kinda sucks I even miss you at this point" is when you just, like, leave mt discord server, or block me on some social media. Like how hard is it to go "hey I'ma leave the server for a while" before you go and just not come back.

Like if you're gonna make a clean break like that you definitely at least have enough of a valid reason to be like "what you've been posting has been kinda upsetting so I just don't want it on my timeline rn" like that's fine. Me noticing a week later you're not there doesn't just tell me you have some problem with me it tells me you think so little of me that the shock and hurt of seeing you just ditching was preferable to whatever you imagined I'd say.

[theflyingfeeling]

All I want is Aleksi and Olli taking Rilla and going for the most cozy week in some cabin in the woods to celebrate their birthdays by spending the time cuddling, exploring the forest, doing some cooking together and lazily making out... 💕

So...something like this, maybe? 🥰👬🐶🐿️

~

One fact about Aleksi Kaunisvesi was that he was not a religious person, per se. He did celebrate Christmas with his family in a traditionally Christian way, yes, and he had appreciated the long weekend they were always given from school during Easter, even if he had usually spent the four days stuffing his face with overly sweet chocolate and watching cartoons rather than contemplating the Passion of the Christ, but he did not believe in an “invisible force” that allegedly controlled all life on earth as if it was his personal puppet show. Likewise, he wasn’t entirely convinced of the existence of places like Heaven and Hell, or any other form of afterlife for that matter; the moment he’d be lying dead and stiff in a wooden box, Aleksi supposed (and partly hoped) the only place he was going was six feet under.

He did think, however, that if there was a heaven somewhere, it would be a lot like where he was right now: under a blanket on the couch of his family’s summer cottage, with scented candles and the remains of a birthday cake on the coffee table, and two sleeping figures pressed tightly against him, one curled up in the crook of Aleksi’s neck and sighing dramatically in his ear from time to time, the other resting his head on Aleksi’s chest with one of his arms wrapped around Aleksi’s waist. To him, heaven was the smoothness of Olli’s lips, the look in Rilla’s eyes when she hurried to him with her favourite toy in her mouth, Olli’s sleepy moans in the morning when they pleasured each other in bed, and all their footprints on the front porch of the cottage after a morning walk on foggy fields and mossy forests.

Indeed, if the clouds in Heaven weren’t as soft as Olli’s curls or Rilla’s fur just behind her ear, Aleksi sure as hell wasn’t going to bother living a life free of sin. On the other hand, if the life hereafter was anything like this, Aleksi wouldn’t have minded passing away this instant, as long as it meant he’d get to spend eternity exactly where he was now, all snuggled up with the two creatures he loved the most in the whole terrestrial world.

The drumming of the rain against the windowsill was almost like a lullaby that nearly made Aleksi lose the battle against sleepiness, which he had been fighting bravely ever since they all had settled on the couch together; not because he wasn’t feeling drowsy from the three-course meal they had had – minus Rilla, who had turned up her nose on the filet mignon flavoured Cesar meal – but because he simply couldn’t resist savouring the sight of his loved ones clinging on to him like touch-starved baby koalas. He was, in fact, maybe just a few seconds from nodding off himself, had it not been for the smallest, barely audible rustle sounding from behind the front door.

“Ril–” Aleksi didn’t have any more time to react before Rilla bolted up and sprang to the door, barking sharply at the visitor behind it.

“Mmhhuh?” a sleepy voice mumbled against Aleksi’s sweater. 

“The darned squirrel is back again,” Aleksi sighed. “I told you we shouldn’t have started feeding it.”

“But it looked so sad and starved!” Olli exclaimed as he lifted his cheek off Aleksi’s chest and rested his chin on it instead, locking eyes with Aleksi. Although Aleksi knew it was unintentional on Olli’s part, he couldn’t help but smile fondly at Olli’s face which was an impeccable image of the expression the squirrel had pulled the other morning as it had looked at them through the window while they had been having brunch. Olli had insisted the poor animal had been staring at their late breakfast snacks, and before Aleksi had had a chance to point out that he doubted squirrels were particularly keen on chocolate muffins or yoghurt, Olli had taken a handful of blueberries and put them on his already empty bread and butter plate before tiptoeing to the porch and placing the humble offerings on the small glass table under the window. 

Now, Aleksi had always considered himself a man of reason and rationality, and this part of him argued they should restrain from interacting with wildlife like this, no matter how cute. In a few days, their little vacation in the middle of nowhere would be over and there’d be no one leaving the squirrel blueberries fresh from the grocery store anymore. But when it came to Olli Matela, he knew this sort of reasoning was no use; sharing his life with Olli, Aleksi had learnt not only that ‘a second breakfast’ was more than just a silly quirk from the pencil of Mr. Tolkien, but also that some matters were simply meant to be dealt with by your heart rather than by your (annoyingly logical, as his bandmates often complained) head. 

Inviting a lonely squirrel to your breakfast table was clearly one of these matters, and since then, their new friend had paid them a visit at least once a day, making subtle noises on the porch to attract their – and especially Rilla’s – attention. Aleksi thought the furry rodent was trying his luck a little too boldly, climbing up the wooden pillar of the porch just inches before Rilla’s teeth would snap its furry tail, but Olli admired its persistence and bravery and rewarded it with a squirrel-sized portion of salad seed mix (whereas Rilla, Aleksi assumed, was of the opinion that the squirrel would be better off as far away from her territory,  which consisted of the area surrounding the cottage as far as Rilla’s eyesight could reach and a little beyond that, just to be sure). Yet, no matter how stern Aleksi tried to be, it only took him one glance at the way Olli’s eyes brightened as he observed the squirrel nibbling on whatever little snack he had given it from their travel cooler, and Aleksi knew he wasn’t going to stop Olli from feeding the animal the next time it would arrive either.

When the squirrel had finished its meal of the day and scurried back to the nearby pine where they suspected it slept in, Olli turned to Aleksi and shuffled closer, right into Aleksi’s personal space. 

“Shall we continue where we left off now?” Olli’s low voice was like hot chocolate on a winter evening, especially now that Aleksi had already lost all the body heat they had built together under the blanket. 

“Mmmmh,” Aleksi hummed and let himself be dragged towards the couch, slowly and a little clumsily, as neither of them couldn’t bear letting the other go once they were entangled in an embrace once again. “Or maybe…we could do something else?” 

Olli didn’t answer;  he didn’t need to. The answer was given in the curve of his lips, in the brilliant gleam in his thunderstorm coloured eyes, in the tongue that immediately found Aleksi’s when their mouths touched. As Aleksi felt himself be pushed back on the couch cushions, gently but with certainty and purpose, he knew he wouldn’t have to second-guess whether or not Olli had understood his indirect suggestion.

Divine, Aleksi thought when Olli’s hungry eyes undressed him before his hands could. Celestial, he sighed in his mind when Olli’s hands groped his body wherever they could reach, in perfect sync with his equally celestial tongue. Angelic, he almost whispered out loud when Olli’s lust-filled eyes met his. Holy, he wanted to scream when their bodies moved together, the windows of the small cottage fogging up. Heavenly, when Olli finally collapsed on top of him, panting heavily, sweat glistening on his chest.

Heaven, when they kissed slowly by the kitchen counter, waiting for their mulled wine to brew; when they sat wrapped around each other at 3 am, chatting idly about everything and nothing; when their naked bodies melted together as they finally fell asleep.

To think of it again, maybe Aleksi could find a little bit of religiousness in himself after all.

[todayisafridaynight]

what are your interests that aren’t yakuza

uhm. a lot !!! I think !!!

[skinsort]

Hello, I've been thinking about code and selling code and sharing code in the rpc because someone posed the question to me of what I'd want to happen if someone was heavily editing a skin I sold, and to be honest, my first instinct was 'take my name off it'. That was met with some surprise, but let me explain why.

Code, to me, is a largely democratic landscape. If you want to learn, hundreds of thousands of people and websites have come together to teach you. Masses of people share open source work on codepen, stack overflow etc. Code as a skill is like assembling an especially abstract puzzle where you can only think about the pieces, not really see them. But most puzzles have similar strategies to solve- start with the corner pieces, then the edges, then the most recognizable patterns etc etc etc working your way down to the more and more difficult details. Most of code- most of my job writing code- involves minimizing the amount of time working on those shared strategies so we can have more time to work on the the interesting bits, the hard bits. the bits that make the site we're working on unique and useful. Frankly, jcink is the easy part of code, by and large. Your data is already structured and provided to you in a very particular way. It is inefficiently, but largely documented. Many other people have solved all the problems you are likely to have trying to build a skin. Skinning is html and css for the vast majority of items. It is the easy stuff. If I sell code, that code is now the property of the person I sold it to. It is not shareable or redistributable. You can't take my code and resell it as your own, but as far as I'm concerned you can do whatever you want with it. If I solved problems that might otherwise feel difficult (accessibility and responsiveness come to mind) cool. You can solve the easy ones, like styling and colors and fonts you like. You can add or subtract things that vibe with what you want that code to do. Once it is sold, it is yours to do with what you like when it comes to personal use. This is true of almost all coding contracts that exist in the entire world. If it weren't, no one would ever hire external contractors to do any work for their company, and I can tell you now, even companies which could fully afford to do all their tech in house absolutely do not in 99% of cases if their business isn't selling their own tech. The rule is generally- you may do anything you like with this, except resell it to someone else. So why take my name off it? I don't endorse how other people code. Even in my professional life, I've taken projects off my portfolio because the client took a project I worked on and broke it (imo), often with other professional developers doing the breaking. If a prospective employer were to go look at it, I'd be embarrassed by what it looks like today. Tell me why I (and my team) created a website that was fully responsive, and they went back to make it adaptive in the year of our lord 2022 because they preferred to have pixel perfect views at 3 specific breakpoints rather than a responsive site. I don't know, it's infuriating. I can't cite that project as an example of my work anymore, because it isn't. I would never leave a site in that state.

So, my first instinct with the idea of people using a skin i sell them as a base is 'take my name off it.' I don't want to be associated if responsive/accessible features are lost due to others working on a skin I wrote. But at the same time, where is the line between using something as a base, and editing a few small features? I certainly don't want to be an arbiter of that, or have to field questions or navigate feelings about it. In fact, personally I would not feel upset at all if someone used a paid for skin as a base, and inviting that kind of discussion is the only way I possibly could get upset since people have weird attitudes about a lot of this stuff. So I think the more practical standard is just to put credit, but make it explicit that the work has been heavily altered. Don't resell or redistribute, and you're golden, imo. Anyway, those are my feelings as someone who writes code for a living. I'm interested to hear counterpoints - constructively of course.

[safyresky]

TSCS butchered so many things. Honestly, I'm just going to continue to believe that Charlie took over as Santa (because they did my boy so dirty), that Scott was not the first human Santa (wth? seriously), and that this was all just some fever-dream induced vision thanks to the Sandman. Thankfully they cannot take away the weenie whistle away from my sweater-loving fool that is Neil.

And THANKFULLY they stayed very far away from Neil and Laura and Lucy so at least we still have them 😭😭😭 and their sweaters and feeling inventory sessions and general silliness we know and love!!

[lecliss]

Made another new friend in Genshin but man it made me realize I'm no longer cut out for this human interaction stuff. Like it's cool to talk to people, especially ones I get along with and have stuff in common with, but I don't wanna add people on discord immediately and join servers they're in and look at videos they send me and play other games with them. Like basically "You're not getting me to a secondary location" ya know??? Like on here it's slow progression of interaction that becomes messaging that leads to all sorts of other friendship stuff and that's awesome, but stuff that takes up all my time to do other things I don't wanna do is like. Man, I'm old.

[orthodera]

Imagine being so insecure in your own identity that you start literally gatekeeping your gender