#like girl both of those kids you birthed are trans and closeted

[orthodera]

Imagine being so insecure in your own identity that you start literally gatekeeping your gender

[realfactsnlogic]

In which I write this because this post is *genuinely* not good for Twitter’s word count…let alone Twitter itself

‪I saw a post about a trans woman sharing her thoughts about the doomposting by newly out or closeted trans women who tend to start off being insecure about passing and essentially hinge on the perceptions of strangers.

Me, not realizing I am a trans man commenting on a trans woman, I shared my thoughts, agreeing with what she said in her thread.

Someone saw my comment and said that while the fact that I’m a man commenting on a woman’s post was initially irritating, he checked my profile and saw that I’m like a parallel universe version of him.

At first, I didn’t know what to say. It felt like a compliment. Not backhanded, but not the superficial, hugboxing, ego-boosting kind either. It just felt “good.” Now that I’ve typed this out, I’m thinking…holy moly am I a masochist getting off to this kind of thing?

Digression aside, I get this logic. Trans men are men, and trans women are women, right? (Spoilers: yes, that is true, and nobody will change my mind on that.) I saw a tweet going around one time that said “trans men are the Men of this community” — of course some of the trans guys I’d see on the For You TL got upset about this, maybe some trans girls too. But despite being a chronic grass toucher due to my job, I somehow had a basic grasp the reasoning behind the belief.

The reasoning, in short terms: men suck. Especially of the white, cisgender, heterosexual kind. Or even any of those combinations of the three. So yes, I get it. I get the so-called “man hatred” online. I talk with feminists IRL, and call myself one, for the sake of all that’s holy. Of course I’d know what the patriarchy does to an mf.

I may be a man now, but as I settle into my 20’s, I’m still getting used to This Whole Being a Man Thing — I’m new to this concept about being perceived as…well, a man. To be a little bit more personal, I can be considered a “trans kid” or “trans youth” considering I came out when I was 13, but that can entail being raised in a pretty patriarchal environment. Still, my backstory doesn’t excuse the fact that I *do* hold privilege. *Acquired* male privilege, as I like to call it.

While trans men can be oppressed for being assigned female at birth (misogyny), oppressed on the basis of being trans (transphobia), we’re still men at the end of the day. And men (can) suck.

I really don’t want to bring race to this conversation, but if we’re gonna get intersectional: I an Asian trans man, was commenting on a white trans woman’s post. I’ll put the race thing on the table. Both of us have went through gender affirming medical care.

So when it comes to this thing about gender—this reinvented Gender War between trans girls and trans guys and non binary people — what takes precedence? I wish I had the answer aside from wanting everyone to hold hands and sing Kumbayah.

Maybe I should make my own thread one day, but I want my status being an open secret kind of thing. It’s being “Stealth Lite”.‬ My trans status should be known on a case by case basis. I consciously chose this, even if it was slightly motivated by fear of being mistreated for being trans. Yeah, that’s my passing privilege showing, but hey. I’m doing my best to use it to defend the people who lack it.

To any trans guy who finds this: fellas, i know it’s tough that people are realizing that “trans men are men. and since men suck, we should be including them” or whatever. I get it. It does hurt our egos when “trans men are men” is a phrase being used to mock the shitty nature of many (cis and mainly hetero) men. But we’re men, right? We straighten up, stiffen our upper lips and move on.

I know that last sentence is problematic. And to clarify, I don’t mean it sarcastically. But I hope you can understand what I meant to say.

To put it bluntly while also softening my “tough love” language: a lot of men, especially the cis and mainly hetero ones, tend to have fragile egos. This is especially applied to the trans men I’ve seen who have lived as men since they were in their teens.

When we see the complaints by trans women online, especially those of colour, and especially if you’re a white trans man reading those tweets—listen. Don’t get defensive. Learn something from your trans sisters.

i certainly will, and will continue to do so. check your privilege, including the ones you’ve acquired.

everyone has to. even me.

*drops the mic*

[magicalshitposts]

Hyrule Pride Week 2021

Day 1 - Gender Neutral

(TW: slight swearing, slight transphobia (not under the cut))

Maybe it was a bold guess, but from the second the two royal researchers met the knight, they knew. Robbie called it instinct, Purah called it seeing Link flinch a little every time anybody referred to them as a term that did not fit.

It was the first time Robbie and Purah had met the champions (Bar the  and Purah’s sister of course), so like the man normally does for both him and his boss, he talked pronouns.

They went in a line, starting with the researchers,

“I’m a cis male, go by he/him.” Robbie clicked his fingers in the direction of Purah.

“Oh, you guys can call me whatever, but I lean more to she/her! Revali?”

“This is ridiculous, I’m a man.” The bird spoke, rather harshly.

“Doesn’t answer the question feathers.” Robbie clicked his tounge, waiting for the Rito champion to say something different before Purah jumped in.

“And with an attitude like that darlin’, you’ll be ‘a man’ standing outside while the grownups work”

Robbie smiled proudly, goddess he was lucky to have a best friend like her.

Everyone looked expectantly towards him, so Revali had no choice but to soften up, “I guess that means he/him, yes?”

Mipha was next, she smiled widely, “I use she and her pronouns!”

“Urbosa, I don’t quite uh… get it.” Daruk looked to the other person in the group who might be as lost as him. She was about to answer when she saw the researchers jump at the chance to educate.

“Go on then.” She grinned towards them, “She/her please, by the way.”

“Thank you Chief.” Purah winked to be met with scolding looks by her sister, “So Daruk, pronouns are a set of words that a person -Terrako beeped- or thing uses to be referred to as. So, there are two types of pronouns, pronouns and neopronouns, and there are two type of people who use them, cisgender people and Trans folk.”

Robbie jumped in to continue, “The difference between Cis and Trans is this, I go by he/him and I was born a guy, that means I’m cisgender and I use pronouns that were assigned to me at birth, if you take my apprentice as an example one of them is Trans, means she was born male but was just a girl trapped inside a male’s body. She was born using he/him pronouns, but found out she was she/her instead.”

Purah went on to talk about neopronouns, “Lets take Terrako – She picked the little guardian up and placed it on the table – Terra? Do you like to be called him?” A small movement of the top part of its body signified a no. “What about her?” The same thing. “So when people refer to you, you like to be called it?” A happy flurry of beeps exploded from it. Purah looked back to Daruk, “Right so, Terrako uses what we call neopronouns, it uses it/its which isn’t ‘officially’ seen in the Hylian language as a pronoun, but their Terrako.”

There was a small silence as Daruk put the pieces of information together in his head, “I… think I get it.”

Robbie gave an understanding look to the Goron chief, “Hey it doesn’t matter if you don’t get it right away, the fact your trying is great.”

Daruk’s eyes crinkled under the smile he had on his face, “Thank you Robbie. So I am a cisgender man who uses he/him pronouns?” Daruk looked around expectantly for feedback.

“Perfect Daruk, well done!” Purah grinned, moving on the next champions.

“Are you kidding?” Impa spoke coldly when eyes landed on her, “You’re my sister and my nuisance, you know my pronouns.” Robbie grinned slightly, time to be even more of a nuisance.

“Tough luck sweetheart, I asked, so cough up. Pronouns?”

“You are the bane of my existence.”

“So what do you not know them? Hey if not that’s fine, everyone has to find themselves out at some point!”

“Oh my goddess, stop it!” Frustration was rising in Impa.

“Stop what? Wait you’re not being like the bird are you, think you’re ‘too good’ for pronouns, eh?”

“Robbie. Fucking stop it.” Impa looked up to the researcher, fire flooding her eye.

With an awkward lean back to Purah, Robbie whispered, “found her limit.”

Purah rolled her eyes, god was she unfortunate to have a best friend like him.

“This lil’ munchkin goes by she/her, for those of you who don’t know her.” Purah put her arms around Impa’s shoulders pushing her back next to the princess.

“Your highness-“

“Are you being serious?” Impa interrupted her sister, “The princess is clearly-“

“Impa. Please don’t. It’s my place to speak on my identity.” Zelda stood straight, preparing to talk. “I am a woman and my pronouns are she/her.”

“Thanks Princess.” Robbie winked kindly towards her then turned his head to the last one, “And you, buckaroo.”

“Oh Link goes by he/him”

Alarm bells, the smallest of signals, Robbie and Purah knew something was off. Maybe Link winced their face on purpose for them to notice, most likely it was just a natural reaction.

“Can’t they tell us?” Purah asked looking towards Link and seeing their face immediately soften in confusion.

“Link is mute, he can’t speak.” The princess stated, looking sombrely towards them.

“Oh, well I know sign language, if they could sign it to us?” Purah looked towards Link with a kind encouraging expression. They lifted their hands, hesitant on what to sign. They were scared.

“Purah,” Robbie stood behind her, hands on her arms, “Maybe we should just trust the princess.”

Purah saw the relief in Link face as she said, “Yeah you’re right. Sorry your highness.”

 The meeting was over before it started. With Robbie discussing the Devine Beasts with their pilots and Purah talking about the Sheikah towers the meeting felt like a blip in a long day. Time goes fast when the researchers talk about what they love. The Champions had been gone for a while now. The workday was over and Robbie and Purah sat in their apartment above the lab. Loud music playing and a beer in their hands.

A knock at the door.

“Come in!” Purah shouted, not bothering to move. If it was a guest, they were uninvited.

Link opened the door and coughed slightly to get the residents attention. They waved when the two people looked at them.

“Link, right? Come on in.” Purah waved her arm to usher Link closer, “What can we do you for Linky?”

Link smiled ever so slightly at the nickname. They brought their hand up and signed ‘How did you know?’

Purah and Robbie smiled at the knight. 

“About the whole pronoun thing?” He asked.

Link nodded.

“I don’t know man- Robbie quickly caught himself- pal, the Princess said you go by he/him and you flinched. Me and Pu have had to deal with questioning and closets before so we really just kinda realised.” Robbie shugged towards the knight, smiling, “So you’re trans? She/her or?”

‘Non-binary. You guessed right the first time.’ They signed all to apprehensively.

“Well your safe with us Hylian.” Robbie winked.

“And if you want us to call you he/him around the other champions until you’re ready we most certainly can.” Purah added, tapping on the seat beside her. Link sat down.

“We’ll wait on you Buckaroo.” Robbie got up to get another can, “For now though, wanna drink?”

[binch-i-might-be]

I'm in a moment of JonClark right now so here's all the shit about him and his parents 🥰because🥰i said🥰so (also this is going to be LONG)

so. his father, henry clark, was never all that close, but he's an 18th century FATHER what the fuck do you expect?

I literally just. based him off of henry laurens and henry davis, the second one's this asshole OC I had before (hmm all three of them are unacceptive of their lgbtq+ sons and also named henry! i am very original!)

he wasn't a BAD dad (that is a fucking lie actually), it's just that he's pretty preoccupied with whatever and never really had time for his kids. he got shot in the leg in the last war (whatever that was idk) and has a wooden leg, which he refuses to talk about, only making jon more curious about the way

his mother, elizabeth dawe davis, is probably a distant relative of the van rensselaers, and was considerably better than henry. obviously the nurses took care of him as a child, but elizabeth TALKED TO HIM and sat with him at dinner and shit, that's like A+ parenting compared to whatever the fuck henry has going on

so ever since jon was a young lad they ALWAYS reminded him, "you're a very feminine she/her girl who is a woman and marry into a rich family with your husband and you're a girl whose only job is to be a girl very femininely and she/her-ly <3" which did not help with his dysphoria at all

their first falling out was when he was 14, he'd bound his chest too long (with BANDAGES!) and a servant saw his bruises in the bath

they had a whole argument in which henry (that heathen bastard) yelled that he would not "be having one in this house" then his mom hid all the bandages and forbade him from locking his door. this was the exact moment when jon knew his parents were ✨assholes✨and he had to leave

then when he was 16 they found breeches and a poet shirt in his closet and this time it got physical, jon locked his door and refused to come out until he nearly starved (he can't resist food. also he's fucking die if he didn't.)

(oh hey also his mom had STILL hidden the bandages in case he tried to bind so he just had to sit there with the bruises for like. a week. parenting 100 🥰🥰🥰)

he actually tried to run away twice, once when he was 15, once when he was 18, but both times he was caught and he finally couldn't take it anymore and just. fucking LEFT.

anyways, that was really long, and in conclusion his parents fucking suck

why do I want to violate every father named henry I come across :)))

lmao his horrible parents be like "my wee girl you'll grow up into a sweet submissive woman who will find a big manly husband whomst you will birth many babes for and thus die at the age of 34 in childbirth <333" like my good sluts go out and touch some grass

awww baby trans boy Jon binding too tight and too long :(

also fuck those people, let this boy BIND

finally he fucking left, good for him!!! I'm so proud!!!

[slayershaw]

Something to get of my chest (literally)

Over the course of my life I've given a lot of thought to the person I would have been if I had been born and raised as a boy. I've considered how every step of my life would have been different or the same, tried to figure out exactly where I would be right now. Long story short, I've come to the conclusion that I wouldn't like him much. He might have been a lot happier than me, but boring as hell.

Still, I can't help being jealous of him.

When people call me a girl, I honestly don't care much. Then there's "woman" and "ma'am" that I'm not particularly fond of. But I've never cared about being called she and her.

Yet when strangers call me a boy or sir at first glance, I only feel satisfaction. I know how I look, I do my best for it. I just hope they don't realize their mistake and take it back.

I love women. Not just sexually and romantically. I love our history, our resilience, our minds, our voices, our strength, our souls. I am so proud of women, it makes me a little sad I can't say I'm proud to be one.

I've never liked myself much at all, even as a kid. I was never satisfied with what I saw in the mirror, I didn't like people looking at me, I was so insecure that I could barely walk with my back turned to people. I always thought this was perfectly normal. But looking back, when I add that to memories of throwing a tantrum at being made to wear a dress on my sixth or seventh birthday (the only tantrum I ever threw), the pride I took in my more masculine hobbies, the constant discomfort with my body when it grew into what it is, it's starting to make a little more sense.

The thing is that aside from my dad and members of my family that were added in later, I have no connection to men or their culture whatsoever. I don't have brothers, I didn't have male friends until late in high school, and I wasn't that close with them. I don't genuinely know any men outside of my family. I never gave men much thought in general. I wasn't interested in them, I didn't need anything from them. Men were always kind of alien to me, far removed from my galaxy of women.

Maybe that factors into why it took me 24 years to start having these revelations. That, plus having actively avoided even thinking about it, at least the past couple of years. I've really only recently admitted to myself that these thoughts aren't something I can just ignore.

I remember my mom asking me just last year, when we were talking about trans people, if I didn't sometimes want to be a boy. I can still hear myself answering regretfully that "it doesn't work like that." I told her one doesn't choose to be trans. You either are or you're not. It was quite easy for me to ignore the fact that I obviously wanted to be a boy sometimes, even my mom knew it. I just knew for sure that I didn't want to be trans.

It took me seven years after I found out I liked girls to vocally admit to myself that I was a lesbian. And I was proud to like girls. I love everything about them. But coming to terms with that label, the only one that ever made sense to who I was, took me until the big age of 22.

When I came out initially, I made sure to stay the same as I was before, so that anybody who changed their mind about me would be in the wrong and it wouldn't be on me. I guess that's why it took me those seven years to realize that the image of myself I was clinging on to, the one I knew people around me were comfortable with, wasn't comfortable to me at all.

I think people really underestimate the power of a haircut. I mean, the straight people I grew up around certainly knew how they felt about lesbians with short hair, and managed to imprint on me that that wasn't the way to go. But the moment my hair was off, I was a new person. It felt right, immediately. I was already wearing men's clothes, but shortly after the haircut I got rid of every piece of feminine clothing left in my closet and I was practically born again.

Everything in me changed. I was checking myself out in the mirror. I dressed to impress. I got pretty close to comfortable in social settings. I was content with myself for the first time ever.

But I also started feeling a distance between myself and other women. I felt that they didn't see me as one of them anymore, like that safety of similarity you find in a stranger like you on the train, I felt that was no longer there for them when they looked at me. I didn't mind that, but it felt significant, especially now.

I was also accutely aware of anyone that perceived my being able to tell that I was gay, and that brought, still brings, as much fear with it as it does peace. I don't look like the gay person a subtle homophobe, like the ones that used to live in my head telling me not to cut my hair, can tolerate. Of course that scares me. But it also comforts me that I have nothing to hide behind anymore, and neither do they. It's the first thing people see about me, and every kind thing they do and say to me comes after acknowledging and accepting who I am.

But somehow, after all of that, being trans still wasn't something that I let cross my mind. And when I think about it now, all I can see is the strain even only the social part of potential transition would put on my depression and anxiety. I'm not in a place right now where I can manage to deal with any of that. And I can live with that, the less active evil overshadowing the other, but it does beg the question if that is all that is holding me back.

It's not, at this point in time. Because even though I'm not a proud woman, I am a very proud lesbian. And I know enough of our history to know that butch lesbians have considered themselves the third sex since the 50s.

Most of the time when I used to think about non-binary identities I saw it as a lack of commonalities with either women or men, even when I applied it to myself. This feeling of not quite fitting in with either. But I'm starting to see it in a different light.

I've realized this "if I were a boy" scenario doesn't really work when you approach it from a from birth situation and essentially erase everything that has made you you over the years. I've always had this male voice in my head, that questioned me and answered me and kept me company, and I never understood who that was until now.

The thing about not truly knowing any men aside from ones I am on good terms with, is that everything I love about them is already a part of me. I don't truly know a man that I don't already am. Every ideal I have of manhood, I have already absorbed, the same way I modeled parts of myself after every woman I've ever looked up to.

So I can't say that I'm not connected to either. I value having grown up knowing my worth as a girl, even though I didn't believe it was much, and I value all the masculinity I get to channel in my lesbian self. Gender is a social construct anyway. That is not to invalidate the struggles of the trans community, obviously. It's a very solid construct and dictates everything in our lives. But I've decided to take off the pressure of choosing one, the other, or a place outside of the binary. I'm both and I'm all.

Thank you for reading and happy pride month 🌈

Tl;dr: I'm coming out as whatever

Gender: dyke

Pronouns: yes

[trans-advice]

Hey, for the past 5 or so years I have privately identified as nonbinary or not conforming to any gender, and even recently requested that my boss and coworkers use they/them pronouns. About a month ago I stumbled across a "gender critical" blog and started reading it. I know it's a bad idea to engage with trolls, especially when it will impact your sense of self, but I felt restless that my existence was being debated and wanted to hear the other side. Now I am feeling confused (1 o 2 asks)

I’m feeling confused and gross, wondering if all this time I have been actually working against my own feminist beliefs, or if I’m just being naive and getting indoctrinated. Like,I worry about me being a female who simply didn’t subscribe to gender stereotypes, tricking myself into thinking I"wasn’t like the other girls". I have also been wondering about what it means to identify into an oppressed group, and why we can’t talk about it without being dismissed as a dumb TERF. (1 o 2 asks) Thx

— Eve: CW: long post, possibly rambley, could’ve used better editing, transphobia, “gender critical”, recuperation, discussion of “terf” politics, recuperation of liberation movements, politics, oppression, rape culture, anti-fascist, anti-capitalist,

So basically I have tried for almost 4 weeks to write a response detailing this stuff. however it’s gotten too unwieldy. i tried to condense it, but this was as close as i got. it’s practically like 3 drafts back to back. I couldn’t figure out the differences & when i saw similarities it seemed significantly different enough. so I’m not editing any further. here’s a mindvomit. i wish i had this more polished but I can’t do that & i didn’t get a response.

however I’m going to make a history book recommendation, a referral to gendercensus2020, and i need to emphasize that these are much more like personal beliefs & not generally the tone of this blog which aims to give advice & positivity, while this is inherently political, the good bad & ugly. and there are trans people of various persuasions so I don’t want alienate them. i dissecting some ideologies that are transphobic, how they became that, how they got recuperated, and how you can find the same concerns being addressed. I’m answering this because it totally makes sense to me that this is asked in good faith & I want to respect your concerns & show that there are better methods of liberation activism that are trans affirmative, or at least must become & develop into such.

So I’m going to recommend the book “Transgender History (Second Edition)” by Susan Stryker, which I have put on our blog’s google drive account, so hence a link. It goes into the historic common ground between the feminists & LGBT+ peoples. It also gets into historic movements. And on top of that, the first chapter is literally a list of terminology deconstructing gender, which is also helpful for analyzing topics feminism analyzes..

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1IvCwNvCJ_EiDmOer4zS8SbFGz4m-WDJ1

another thing you need to know regarding the label lesbian back in the day is that it was a catchall for any woman who didn’t have sex with men. now granted, this was a cisnormative understanding, but basically lesbians included celibate women, asexual women, and of course bisexual women in addition to gay women.

basically the normal advice of wait til you have your own money to have sex, wait til your mid 20s, don’t rely on a man to pay your bills etc, all of this comes from political lesbianism, which was like be celibate or else have sex that doesn’t involve sperm. (granted, communities cannot be monoliths if they want to be ecosystems, like any movement label there are different interpretations made by members of it, and therefore there are some strands that uphold a homonormative appreciation for conversion therapy. perhaps a middle ground for understanding how that happened is that joke about macho sexuality purity “if a man masturbates with his hand, he’s using a man’s hand to get off, then it’s gay.” granted, there was of course a political/economic reason to this, but still, it seems in terms of history that this joke was considered actually legitimate.)

“lesbian” was a catchall for women who didn’t have sex with men. this included ace, celibate & gynephiliac women. part of the reason these communities were conflated again had to do with the economic pressures to get married which I’ll detail a few paragraphs from now. (while this next thought could be incorrect because I did just learn about ‘compulsory heterosexuality" a month ago, I think the vestiges of those economic pressures are basically the gist of “comphet”.) the goal of political lesbian as well as lesbian separatism was to build an economy/get money that didn’t require submission to patriarchy, via marriage, pregnancy etc. so basically in an effort to build like support networks, “men” were shunned as much as possible.

however these networks ended up replicating capitalism, (partly due to oppression against communes & other anti-capitalist activities) which then replicated the oppressions of capitalism. it makes sense that transphobia had formed of assimilation/respectability politics for such feminists. To quote from the criticism section of the Wikipedia article on the women’s liberation movement.

> The philosophy practised by liberationists assumed a global sisterhood of support working to eliminate inequality without acknowledging that women were not united; other factors, such as age, class, ethnicity, and opportunity (or lack thereof) created spheres wherein women’s interests diverged, and some women felt underrepresented by the WLM.[208] While many women gained an awareness of how sexism permeated their lives, they did not become radicalized and were uninterested in overthrowing society. They made changes in their lives to address their individual needs and social arrangements, but were unwilling to take action on issues that might threaten their socio-economic status.[209] Liberationist theory also failed to recognize a fundamental difference in fighting oppression. Combating sexism had an internal component, whereby one could change the basic power structures within family units and personal spheres to eliminate the inequality. Class struggle and the fight against racism are solely external challenges, requiring public action to eradicate inequality.[210] >

birth control helped to liberate women & that accommodation/handicap for reproductive health disabilities (disability is merely inability to do something that’s Normative. so if having a uterus, pregnancy/menstruation/having breasts etc aren’t considered normal, which is especially common in a patriarchal society for these examples, then it’s disability.) It should be said that due to the desire for bodily autonomy to regulate our own body parts, as well as a desire to manage our fertility & sterilization, the transgender movement has a lot in common with feminism’s female-as-disability movement.)

it should also be noted that before the medical transitioning became accessible that us trans people relied a lot more on social transitioning than medical transitioning. it should also be mentioned that the medical procedures are available & used by cisgender people too.

that being said, since both cis females & transgender women were denied birth control etc, there was a very intense fear of impregnation happening & trans women going back in the closet not only to get money under patriarchy but also because life raising a kid is hard. like if you’ve ever seen “the stepford wives” & look at how the ally husband betrays his feminist wife, then that should clue us into how a lack of birth control scared us.

the problem with the school of feminism that emphasizes physiological sex over gender identity (in order to deny the existence of trans people with female-organs or not) is that it doesn’t account for birth control & how that’s affected the landscape, the economy etc, the revolutionary impact of birth control basically. it also ignores that trans people & cis women feminists have the same goals when it comes to getting freedoms about reproductive rights & bodily autonomy. therefore it ends up being transphobic & wanting to run back into the times when we didn’t have abortion access because they want to hurt us.

That being said though, we need to have birth control & more in order to help liberate trans people too, so if somewhere doesn’t have birth control, then we’re not doing well either because it’d pay a lot more to be transphobic (which of course it doesn’t now when we have birth control & various medical & other technologies). i think what I’m trying to say is that similar to disability accomodations clashing with each other, if we of the women’s liberation, the trans liberation, and the gay & lesbian liberation, and the bisexual & ace liberation get stranded then we’re all doomed. granted we might be doing that due to defensiveness with hostility similar to how in the 1980s feminism got very conservative in USA & how some transgender people get spared in systems with strict gender conformity & anticolonialist values, it’d be wrong to say that all our liberations are in conflict with each other. they can be mishandled, but ultimately, safety still tends to favor cisheteropatriarchal people. internalized patriarchal thinking is like internalized queerphobia, and so forth.

I want to emphasize that it is relatively easy for transgender people especially nonbinary people to find gender critical discourse somewhat appealing. Here’s why: TERFs & Gender Critical discourse is agender-normative disability discourse regarding reproductive health & other AFAB organs. (a disability is being unable to do things that society considers normative. so if you can’t drive & your locale de facto requires it, then that’s a disability. also in usa you’ll find that pregnancy & disability are the main things welfare programs prioritize. a pregnancy can be harmful, but can be easier with the right monitoring etc. which again is the same with disability.)

the problem though is that they then insist on misgendering you as one of the binary genders based on objectification of your body (specifically, “morphology”). point being, because you feel dysphoric over being misgendered as something nonbinary as being mislabeled as cisgender, this implies that you are indeed transgender.

https://gendercensus.com/post/612238605773111296/the-gender-census-2020-is-now-open

—

Now to be clear, there are historical economic considerations that made the decisions to specialize on the intersectionality of cisgender AFABs, but the economy & technology has changed. Basically marriage back in the day was economically necessary because there was effectively no birth control available. Therefore, to get child support etc, required getting the father to pay the consequences. However, marriage was very much a chattel property institution, marital rape was still legal, and women couldn’t get credit etc in our own names.

#

At the same time, similar to birth control being unavailable, hormones & other procedures for medically transitioning trans people were unavailable as well, which meant social transitioning & wardrobe etc were the main methods of affirming our gender. however, we sometimes got lucky & had a doctor write us a note affirming our gender & sometimes we got even luckier & govts accepted this. this however required getting labelled sick & begging doctors to give us treatment & getting money for this since insurance companies etc still discriminated against transgender people even when we agreed to have our gender identity situation labelled as sick & medically necessary. (similarly insurance companies still refuse to cover abortions & so do some doctors & hospitals.)

#

So this meant that AFABs were concerned about getting hijacked via impregnation. Because of the patriarchal economics of the whole thing, people were afraid of “the stepford wives” repeating itself in their own lives, where the mind can only handle what the ass can stand would mean trans women would go back into the closet.

#

Granted, that’s a bit misrepresentative of trans women & trans people because trans people & cis women who can get pregnant do have a lot more in common. we take the same meds, go to the same clinics, menopause etc gets taken due to distress over how our bodies work, etc. then again, how would trans AMAB people have gotten the money for child support?

#

historically & still to this day we basically had to beg doctors for the ability to get hormones to get a surgery to get a gender marker change & so on, which granted, what we trans people had available to us varied from locale to locale because it required collaborations of trans people, doctors, and the local govts & especially their police stations. again, before roe v wade abortion providers were super underground & secretive & there were specialized units at police stations for hunting down patients & providers under the charge of “murder”. it’s the same dynamics.

#

seriously trans people & people with bodies that can get pregnant, menstruate, menopause, etc, we go to the same clinics! women’s health clinics take trans patients, planned parenthood takes trans patients, do i need to go any further on how trans people & feminists have the same interests regarding reproductive health?

—

as for political lesbianism:

basically the normal advice of wait til you have your own money before having sex, wait til your mid 20s, don’t rely on a man to pay your bills etc, all of this comes from political lesbianism, which was like be celibate or else have sex that doesn’t involve sperm. (i’m not sure what the conditions were like surrounding not piv sex among the straights, and therefore what the likelihood of avoiding piv sex was. I do know that rape culture was much more heavily normalized than it is now.)

“Lesbian” was a catchall for women who didn’t have sex with men. this included: - ace, - celibate - bisexual - gay women. Part of the reason these communities were conflated again had to do with the economic pressures to get married, (while this next statement could be incorrect because i did just learn about ‘compulsory heterosexuality" a month ago, i think the vestiges of those economic pressures such as weddings are basically the gist of “comphet”.)

The goal of Political Lesbianism as well as Lesbian Separatism was to build an economy that didn’t require submission to patriarchy, such as that of marriage, pregnancy etc. In efforts to build like support networks, “men” were shunned as much as possible.

However these networks, (partly due to lacking radicalization) ended up replicating capitalism, (partly due to oppression against communes & other anti-capitalist activities) which then replicated the oppressions of capitalism. It makes sense that transphobia had formed of assimilation/respectability politics for such feminists. To quote from the criticism section of the Wikipedia article on the women’s liberation movement.

> “The philosophy practised by liberationists assumed a global sisterhood of support working to eliminate inequality without acknowledging that women were not united; other factors, such as age, class, ethnicity, and opportunity (or lack thereof) created spheres wherein women’s interests diverged, and some women felt underrepresented by the WLM.[208] While many women gained an awareness of how sexism permeated their lives, they did not become radicalized and were uninterested in overthrowing society. They made changes in their lives to address their individual needs and social arrangements, but were unwilling to take action on issues that might threaten their socio-economic status.[209] Liberationist theory also failed to recognize a fundamental difference in fighting oppression. Combating sexism had an internal component, whereby one could change the basic power structures within family units and personal spheres to eliminate the inequality. Class struggle and the fight against racism are solely external challenges, requiring public action to eradicate inequality.[210]”

[yaizl]

cant believe chris is like. super entitled to my fucking body

dude im?? 14?? if i want a short haircut that “looks like a boy” then just let me get one??? dont give me that bullshit with “oh but chin length is cute” or “youre a girl, you need to look and act like one” (im a trans guy thats still in the closet)

motherfucker you dont!! own my body!!! just cuz im your kid doesnt mean im your property!!! theres a fucking difference!!!

“the neighbours will think theres a boy breaking into our house when they see you walking in and out” what the fuck-- how dumb can you be?? they can just, idk, get used to me having shorter hair than before??? like theyd think the exact same fucking thing about a stranger breaking in if i had short “girl” hair so what the fuck--

plus he actually mocks me very often for being wider than other girls. like okay yeah my tummys squishy and i have big thighs, but like. what the fuck do you think “im self conscious about those things and would rather you not comment on them in a negative light” means?? do you expect me to be a perfect photoshopped kim kardashian with a blank face?? he already thinks that my only personality traits are “moody teenager” “get distracted with drawing” and “lying about suspicions of having adhd” and literally nothing else, so hes gonna try to push his beliefs on other shit further with me having to be slimmer than a beanpole or else im scum

and on top of that its very obvious that he doesnt actually love me as his kid because of his stupid standards. hes proven this by stating on multiple occasions that “if his kid turns out to be a lesbian or transgender hes going to disown them” like. okay so because your kid isnt attracted to the opposite gender and/or realize that they dont click with their assigned gender at birth (im both cuz im a trans boy who likes boys but is also aro fdhjhfdks) you immediately lose all respect and love for them (as if he respects or loves me in the first place) and disown them on the spot? like what the fuck-- why would you cross the line at your kids identity??? he literally says nothing about if i do something extremely illegal or taboo, no, just if my attraction or gender is off the beaten track. sure yeah, he wants me to grow up and marry a cis white guy and have kids of the familys blood, but what if i dont wanna do that? im already terrified to fucking bits by the thought of being pregnant, so im not looking forward to having any blood-related kids.

and then he turns this all around when i bring this up to him by saying that hes raising me to be crafted on his own beliefs and opinions rather than letting me be my own person, and say “i am raising you to be your own person though”

chris. what youre doing is the literal opposite of raising your kid to be their own person. youre raising you kid to be what you like: a cisgender, heterosexual female, white supremacist, christian or jew (hes converted from being jewish to being christian for a reason i dont know of) with the body of jessica rabbit and hair longer than rapunzels, who has no disorders in their brain, is a trump supporter, and is overall just a perfect barbie doll with no personality besides eat hot chip and lie. (as you could tell i am none of these things)

anyway chris is a transphobe, a homophobe, an antivaxx, a closet racist, and he abuses me on multiple levels n this is just an example.

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Do you have any book recommendations?

OHHOHOHOHO BOY. yes i do lemme check the inventory i have in my room. I have more back home I’ll recall those later. Alright leggo

The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli- Inclusive of minorities and tells the story of finding love where and when you least expect it along with finding yourself and struggling with changes in sibling relationships. 

The Summoning by Kelley Armstrong- I read this my freshman year of high scgool, but I loved it. It includes fantasy creatures in a home for troubled teens eerily similar to an asylum. Ends on a fucking cliffhanger. 

Highly Illogical Behavior by John Corey Whaley- LGBT inclusive about a young teen afraid to go outside due to high anxiety and a phobia (forgot the name) and a determined girl who wants to “cure” him with the help of her boyfriend. A story of blooming friendship!! 

We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson- After the suicide of his boyfriend, Henry struggles to care much about anything. He messes around with a homophobic bully, he pushes his friends away, he’s constantly distant from his family. And then a new boy comes to class and suddenly his life is turned upside down. This is a story of coping with loss and inviting hope in. I read this in one day. 

The Princess Saves Herself in This One- a book of empowering poems

Kids of Appetite by David Arnold- I read this over the summer so I can’t fully recall the plot, but I know there was a crime mystery and a group of misfits trying to help a disabled kid cope with loss and dramatic family change. It was raw, real, and kept me hooked. 

Milk and Honey- A book of poems for those who are depressed or heartbroken.

Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin- The story of a genderfluid person in high school still figuring themselves out and creating friendships through the turmoil of high school. 

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini- A heartwrenching story of an Afghan boy and the struggles of friendship against social class. Further, a struggle one has with themselves in the face of danger, pain, secrets. The story of leaving home behind and facing your past. *Trigger warning

Home for Peculiar Children trilogy- I’ve yet to read the last and it’s been years since I read the first two, but the books were enrapturing and action-filled. Each character becomes precious. It’s a creepier, antiquated version of X-Men and a struggle against time!

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Saenz- tHIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES It’s LGBT inclusive and not a stereotypical coming out, in the closet type of story. It tells the story of Ari’s and Dante’s friendship and a slow understanding of oneself along with the importance of family. 

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky- One of my favorite coming of age novels told in letters to an anonymous reader about Charlie’s journey through freshman year while battling mental illnesses and suppressed trauma. It’s truly a beautiful story about friendships, relationships, and struggling to be okay. 

Jess, Chunk, and the Road Trip to Infinity by Kristin Elizabeth Clark- This book revolves around a trans girl going on a roadtrip with her best friend and learning to be comfortable being herself while also developing the relationship between her and her best friend Chunk through lots of trials and struggles. Also, she’s on a roadtrip to crash her transphobic dad’s wedding to her mom’s ex-bestfriend. 

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller- This book tore my heart out, ripped it up, threw it on the ground, and stomped it to dust. This tells the untold love story between Achilles and his closest companion Patroclus. It follows Patroclus from birth and quite literally into the after life. Written over ten years, I think I read this in ten hours, I was HOOKED. 

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera- In a time where you get a call the day you’re going to die, two boys find each other and embark on a journey to make their last day the best yet. Also... a love story. 

Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds- Told over poems, this book takes place in the span of 3 minutes it takes to take an elevator down. After the murder of a family member, Will is out for revenge. But some elevator visitors have a different plan for him. 

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold- If you’ve seen the movie, great. The book goes in way deeper and manages to give you chills with its descriptions. Highly recommended especially if you like the movie. *Trigger warning

The Giver by Lois Lowry- This book is short and easy to read. It reads well as a standalone, but is part of a series of four books. It shows us a utopian future and the scary truth that lies beneath it. This banned book shows us the importance of knowledge and the dangers of ignorance. 

I have way more books in here, I just haven’t read them, so I can’t recommend them yet. 

[multapohja966]

All of them (as requested jdkdk) 👀

ahhah thank you!!

(put it under a read more)

1. describe your idea of a perfect datei haven’t really thought about this… i think it’s something involving coffee, but i think having some alone time with the person is important to me.and.. this might be a hilly billy thing but going to some nature place they/me connect to their youth is cool.

2. whats your “type”strong personality and oppinionated is propably the most important. but you have to have a will to think and to a certain extent see all of your oppinions as up for debate. people who do not care about what others think and express themselves how they want!! and i quess i like masculine girls and feminine boys.

3. do you want kids?hmmm… jeah i have sometimes thought of myself as a parent and liked the thought. but it’s such a huge responsobility that i don’t really know what the reality of it would be.

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?hmmm well i already know that i won’t be the one giving birth. i see adoption as a really valid option, but jeah im not that far into considering kids.

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been oni’ve been on an official date like once and it was absolutely awful. but there’s this other time i hung out with this dude i liked and im like 90% sure he liked me too at the time but we were both socially incapable suckers. but jeah we rode our bikes on a summer evening and he showed me the place he goes to when he wants to be alone, which was this solid rock hill that had a view of the biggest swamp i had ever seen. was really dope

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)you come to my virgin jack-off house….

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?night time. i’m so bad at funktionin during the day.

8. opinion on nap dates?haven’t really tried but from ecperience i have with friends i think it’s such a good way to create trust

9. opinion on brown eyes?very nice. especially those almost black ones and that hazel color stuff.

10. dog gay or cat gay?dog gay!!

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?YES!!

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone?not really that experienced with commitment (i love being trans in a small village smh) but propably i just need to know they’re mature enough.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?hmmm idk i didn’t really have much exposion to them but i guess i kinda had this thought they were super different from the people around me? the typical thing bad representation brings.

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger selfbeing something different isn’t bad. you don’t have to compensate being lgbt+ with aggressively being something “normal” for people to not leave you. be nice and appreachable and mature, but you won’t gain anything from trying to please the people who are more easy to digest/”park of the mass”. it won’t work and it’ll be hard to accept that people see fault in even small things, but when you be yourself and express yourself greatly enough with confdence, THEN people will be drawn to you.

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?jeah…. i really like men who are like sensitive and skinny and like i hate this but like: beta males (ajndfljns). but in women i adore the basic strong muscular and huge woman with a confident and relaxed nature. i haven’t really thought about a specific type when it comes to nb people. because “stylistic/creative” is a bit too broad

16. who is an ex you regret?hmmm i don’t really think i regret any.

17. night club gay or cafe gay?cafe gay. clubbing is okay sometimes with good company and enough alcohol in my system but if im sober-ish and with some people i hate it. (also i have mostly been to straight clubs  and ffff i don’t fit there at all and it gets bad if i start to think about it)

18. who is one person you would “go straight” forbi..

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?all.

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)uuhhf.. hmmmmm.. bumblebee?

21. favourite gay youtubermiles jai

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?prolly not. but it’s a grey line since i did some romantic shit as femme representing when i was in the trans closet.

23. have you ever been in love?yes. it was such a defining feeling for me

24. have you ever been heartbroken?yeah, but i’m kind of embarrassed by it

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someonethis is something it think about a lot as a trans masc person, but i have always thought that despite my taste in men/masc people and my ideal look often being intertwining (those young artsy gopnik -aesthetic boys are the ideal look for me lol) the feelings of “i want to be like that” and “i want to date that” have always been clearly different for me.

26. favourite lgb musician/banddoes tyler the creator count? because he’s propably an artist i relate to and admire the most. ohhhhh lil peep is the same too. also kevin abstract, he means the world.

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gaysit’s hard to live in a society that doesn’t always give you the same possibilities because of your identity. but try to see it in a healthy light and compromice only on things that don’t hurt your identity and who you are. you’re allowed to be weird and controversial and it doesn’t matter what people think because it’s them who are shallow and small minded. but remember that things you have to do as a person who’s part of a society need to be taken care of for your own health! :D (and queer excellense heh)

28. are you out? if so how did you come outyes. well.. ACTUALLY i never came out about my sexuality??? i never saw it as necessary. i think my parents know tho, i don’t really think about it. huh.. how weird i didn’t even realise. i’m “out” to almost everyone tho cause im super open about it.

my gender was a more complicated issue. i first came out to my closest friends. then to some friends who weren’t really lgbt+ informed (and they were all so supportive!) then to my mom. then to everyone else in instagram. the last and most hard was my dad, who has always supported me in everything, but isn’t really informed about stuff like that and is the typical old school finnish man. he was supportive too! at the moment the only one who doesn’t know is my grandma.

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have coming out to my dad lmao. cause he didn’t know what i mean XDD i thought that in light of resent lgbt+ visibility he would have at least heard about nonbinary people but he just didn’t know so i had to explain and jeahh.

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexualityi have pretty safe surrounding so im not completely sure what i can say.. but from my experience i want to say that despite how it always seems and feels, people are empathetic. people truly are understanding. no person wants harm, we’re all just so confused and misinformed. people will understand and change their ways if you give them your honest self because they are just confused. the most beautiful and supportive words ive gotten in regards to my identity are from a cishet boy in a party, who previously had really toxic and mean perception of nb people, but after i came out to him and we talked about the whole thing. he gave me this whole speech about how i should always be myself and not let anyone give me shit. honestly i get a bit teary sometimes when i think about it. but jea, there’s this raw goodness in people that i often forget exists, but it is there.

[sheismelinda]

Gay ask game for gays only

I’m tagging my sweet peach, @sivmese--fvngs to do it

1. describe your idea of a perfect date If the weather is warm enough i like to go for icecream and just go sit on a bench in a park and just talk about everything.

2. whats your “type” I honestly don't have one when it comes to falling in love with someone, but if it's like "what type of girl do you like usually" I'd say tomboy-ish? I guess I have a thing for girls with short hair in tight jeans and vans and a tank top. Oh and suits, all the suits.

3. do you want kids? Yes, I do

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth? I actually want to give bith myself.

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on Every date with my girlfriend basically, but I love having dinner with her or go to a museum or walk hand in hand with her.

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?) I was pretty nervous mainly because we both had no idea what to do or what we were supposed to feel. We were young so it was mostly awkward, usually still half dressed and yeah...but still, I loved her at that time so everything felt right. But you know, with time and the right person you actually understand what everyone talks about when they say that sex is amazing and an important part of a healthy realtionship.

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay? Is this about being out of the closet? I'm confuesed. In case yeah, morning and out and proud. If it means if I'm a morning person or a night owl, definetely the latter.

8. opinion on nap dates? Napping is life, and if you can do it cuddled to someone you love is the best damn thing after sex and pizza, trust me.

9. opinion on brown eyes? I love them, specially if they heve gold specks in them or are really deep and emotional.

10. dog gay or cat gay? Both, I'm a "just-give-me-a-cute-animal" gay. I literally stop and talk to frogs because they are so cute.

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles? Yes and yes, rodents are cute and so are snakes and lizards and stuff

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone Mainly if they have passion and goals in life, I need someone who has something to share with me, who can teach me something I don't know and has a world she loves that is willing to show me and let me be a part of it.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgbt people before you realized you were one? I thought dating was easier lol, and that there were just gay, lesbians, bi and trans people, I had no idea about the large spectrum that is the LGBTQ+ community.

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self Stop trying to fit in a box that's not yours, sit tight because your family will come around in a few years and they will all love and support you and you get to talk endlessly about the love of your life and take her to dinner at your granma's with you. Plus, I know people who are supposed to love you are destroying every inch of you right now but trust me, in a few yeas you'll find someone who makes it all worth it.

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders? Nope, just into girls.

16. who is an ex you regret? Basically everyone who came between my biggest and most suffered relationship and the beauty that is by my side right now. I was in a bad place and I got into relationships even if I wasn't in love just to try and feel something again, and they all turned out to be bad and wrong for me (and I was the same for them I guess)

17. night club gay or cafe gay? I say cafe gay, but sometimes I like to be a night club one, just for fun.

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for Tyler Robert Joseph, damn those arms.

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay? Everything? I like them all, I guess I'm a nerd gay, even better a theatre and art type of gay

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not) Joshler and Swanqueen

21. favourite gay youtuber HANNAH HART I LOVE YOU

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person? Not asked but had a crush on yeah, but nothing major. Thankfully I end up liking girls who like girls too

23. have you ever been in love? Yes

24. have you ever been heartbroken? Yes, absolutely

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone Well dude if you don't know if you wanna bang them or have the shape of her ass or the color of her hair I think you have some stuff to figure out lol

26. favourite lgb musician/band I actually have no idea, I guess Lady Gaga (And no, I'm not gonna say Halsey, ugh, hate her)

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays Do not think that because someone who you thought loved you said that you are worthless you have to believe it's true. You are worth more than you think, do not settle for anything less than what makes you truly happy.

28. are you out? if so how did you come out Yes I am. I came out to my mom when I was 16 because she found out I was dating my best friend and then she told my dad and they didn't speak to me for months, so I hid my second relationship until my mom found out a year later and that time she actually kept it to herself because we were both scared of my father reaction. Then after my parents got divorced shit went down in my family and I was so fragile I didn't have the strenght to lie even more so I came out to my dad (who I was barely speaking to at the time) and he actually apologized for his behaviour years back and said that he loved me no matter what. After that basically everyone in my family got the news and now things are mostly great, and I'm really thankful for that.

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have Having to remind one of my grandmas that my girlfriend is NOT just a friend.

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality If you don't feel safe, you don't need to say or do anything, you do you, and your safety and your health comes first. Try to find an ally, a friend, a family member, someone you can talk to because trust me, keeping everything in all the time is fucking hard.

[ixvyupdates]

‘Sesame Street’ Just Missed a Big Opportunity to Support the LGBT+ Community

Recently, a whirlwind of controversy swirled around speculation that childhood favorites Bert and Ernie, of “Sesame Street,” might be partners—yes, a gay couple. In an interview with Queerty, Mark Saltzman, who wrote for the show from 1985 to 1998, discusses the challenges of being in a gay relationship during the 1980s, particularly in the television industry.

Toward the end of the interview, Saltzman is thrown a curveball question: Were Bert and Ernie a couple? According to Saltzman, to some degree, yes.

“I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert & Ernie, they were. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them,” Saltzman revealed.

Following Salzman’s confirmation of many a fan’s hunch, social media went ablaze with viral takes on the issue. But then, in tandem, Sesame Workshop and Frank Oz, who once played Bert, rained on everyone’s parade.

Oz insisted that “of course” Bert and Ernie aren’t gay. “I created Bert. I know what and who he is.” To double down on dismissing the rumors, Sesame Workshop released an official statement, clarifying, “As we’ve always said, Bert and Ernie are best friends. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most “Sesame Street” Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

One question sums up my response to the controversy: If taking such an unequivocal stance on Bert and Ernie’s sexual orientation mattered so much, why wait until now, the moment when the world is convinced that they are not straight, and not just friends?

The answer to that question not only reveals society’s misconceptions about what educational and entertainment content is considered “developmentally appropriate,” it also exposes the invisible discrimination and prejudice that many LGBTQ+ educators experience in elementary schools—a worrisome burden that I’ve confronted firsthand.

BACK INTO THE CLOSET

When I returned to elementary school for the first time in 20 years, every direction I turned, I was surprised to find color-coded name tags, hall passes, and seating charts, all denoted by only two of many genders: boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. I’ll always remember feeling “too gay” after my first day—and how fearfully and tensely my body responded to this environment, until the very moment I stepped foot out of the school building.

Without even noticing, I became paranoid and self-conscious, which would sound preposterous to any of my friends who know my work as an LGBTQ+ activist. But, the reality is that society places a heavy burden of respectability politics on elementary educators.

To those who identify as LGBTQ+, this culture of respectability often hints that they should go back into the closet, since, supposedly, their existence is too difficult for children to understand. Adults, parents more so than educators, often hold this misconception because they don’t give children enough credit for what or whom they can learn to become tolerant of.

Consequently, I had no option but to conform to a culture dictated by what parents believed was a safe and wholesome environment for their kids—free of gender non-conforming people and “out” individuals in same-sex partnerships, of course.

Many who’ve never been in this situation might say that conforming was a choice; but to that, I’d say that keeping a roof over my head was not. I did what I had to do, but admittedly, I regretted every minute of it.

Day by day, I caught myself unconsciously policing my attire and mannerisms. I began putting bass in my voice, pushing my shoulders back more, and stepping and swaggering in wider strides, all to perform traditionally masculine gender presentation. Essentially, I took on a bold Sasha Fierce-esque alter ego of sorts, that I wouldn’t dare project in real life.

It sounds silly, yet, this strategy of appearing more masculine—and to the straight eye, less gay—worked for me. Regardless of how oppressive toxic masculinity and the inflated male ego are in the adult world, playing into male privilege got me approval around young kids, because it made me seem protective and paternal. This is the mold for male educators in elementary schools.

Unfortunately, schools have yet to see how much children need the presence of real and authentic LGBTQ+ people, in order to facilitate young children’s character development. Take, for instance, a report by The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), which found that 45 percent of students in grades 3-6, and 49 percent of teachers of grades K-6, reported that the word “gay” was mostly expressed in a derogatory way. Students also reported hearing many other words used as anti-gay or anti-trans attacks; like “dyke,” “faggot,” “fairy,” “lesbo” and “sissy.”

So, with all this evidence that promoting LGBTQ+ inclusivity would be a good thing, why isn’t there more representation of LGBTQ+ people in elementary schools? The same reason “Sesame Street” skirted around the issue.

THE TAKEAWAY: LGBTQ+ INCLUSION IS NOT RATED R

We’ve already seen “Sesame Street” champion numerous lessons on diversity, as well as moral and social development, like when it came to normalizing breastfeeding, working through grief, raising awareness about girls’ rights in Afghanistan, and unpacking adoption and parental incarceration. The show has even broached living with HIV, embracing natural African-American hair textures, moving through the world with a wheelchair, and growing up with Down Syndrome and autism spectrum disorder.

I’d say that you can’t push the envelope any further, but the truth is that “Sesame Street” has been too staunch of a social justice advocate to turn its back on the LGBTQ+ community, for any reason whatsoever.

Moreover, the only difference between the uproar about a potential same-sex partnership, versus an equally “provocative” issue like HIV, is the belief that LGBTQ+ inclusion is too explicit for elementary school. Rated R. Regardless of the rainbow flags worn during Pride season, many straight folks still believe that their children won’t be heterosexual after “exposure” to the LGBTQ+ community. There’s also the misconception that the LGBTQ+ community will expose children to sex prematurely. None of this is actually how young children’s introduction the LGBTQ+ community plays out.

So, how would a young child react to being introduced to same-sex partnerships? Probably casually, curiously, or both. To be sure, their mind certainly would not wander to inappropriate thoughts, like many educators and parents presume. They’d probably only ask how children like themselves refer to their two moms or two dads, without confusing them—would it be dad and papa, and mom and mama?

In fact, typically developing “Sesame Street”-aged children can’t sexualize peers, adults, or anyone else, for that matter, since concepts of desire and lust are only abstractions that they cannot comprehend (see Piaget’s stages of intellectual development). However, children can wrap their minds around love, and also romantic partnership, at the most basic level. Children’s lexicon and emotional repertoire includes love because from birth, we all have the capacity to feel loved, as well as affirmed, nurtured and protected—feelings that are all extensions of love. This explanation is the nuanced yet very uncomplicated answer to the “What do I tell them?” question that most parents ask in regards to discussing same-sex partnerships with children.

With that said, Sesame Street Workshop’s takeaway from this controversy should be that erasing Bert and Ernie’s possibly same-sex relationship was a missed opportunity. And I hope that the company realizes that the implications of their public statements disappointed many people, like LGBTQ+ parents; and especially LGBTQ+ elementary educators, who have been waiting since forever for a monumental moment of representation, like this should’ve been.

If, time and time again, young viewers have proven that they can empathize with and make sense of the world’s many diverse identities, lived experiences and narratives, what makes us believe that they can’t accept the fact that two people who love each other can claim the same gender or share the same sex—whether they be their classmates’ parents, their teachers’ partners, or just puppets?

Photo by See-ming Lee, CC-licensed.

‘Sesame Street’ Just Missed a Big Opportunity to Support the LGBT+ Community syndicated from https://sapsnkraguide.wordpress.com

[awesomedarmoe-blog]

I’m NOT a “Bigot”

Recently I had a group of Transgender individuals hack my Facebook pages, file complaints about my various posts, calling me “Transphobic” simply because I do not agree with THEIR P.O.V. with the issue and the fact that there are a couple of trash issues said community refuse to recognize and tend to.  ISSUE #1 -- I have no problems with people that require the surgery to have it.  BUT, I do believe this is only the case for those that were improperly reassigned gender at birth, hermaphrodites or those born with the organs of the gender not being physically represented. I DO NOT believe that 5 and 6 year old boys that play dress up or even play with Barbies and Easy Bake Ovens are Trans. . . I know of very few males, gay & straight, who did not pass through such a phase.  Related to this. . . at 3 & 4 I spoke with a lisp and walked with a swish.  I can assure you, I’m nowhere near Transgender even though I have a form of body dysphoria -- I hate my fat! (who don’t?) Sadly though clinicians are using such phases in life as the grounds of their diagnosis or assumption of a Trans situation. I’m certain most reading this will agree that this is akin to the trend in the 90s when so many “Mental Health” professionals were planting the thought kernel in a child’s mind, that they had been molested. We would discover this deception and the result was a lot of bogus cases getting overturned.  A course correction that’s rather difficult to do when you’ve been on hormone therapy for a few years and finally wake up to the fact that you’re simply gay, and not part of the current popularity movement.  ISSUE #2 -- I have major issues with people that act like and project an attitude of “Kiss My Ass” -- expectation and privilege.  Sadly, I live in a region that is rife with both, Trans and Feminists (typically younger individuals) that are demeaning and all too frequently, rude.  I loathe such attitudes in anyone, but if you are part of a misunderstood minority, why go out of your way to create problems?  Understandably, I live in a region that’s a Bubble in which the Trans and hardcore Feminists have a level of freedom, protection and acceptance that stands way outside of what most consider “common” or remotely “normal”. There is a great sense of imbalance when it comes to men’s issues and even something as simple as dating -- no meeting of gathering places for us, the women manipulate the scenario so that they are allowed in. Gay Men frequently inundated by members of the Trans community for reasons about to be touched upon. . .  ISSUE #3 -- I am not obligated to buy into your delusions. Trans individuals have a belief that they are (typically) of the opposite gender from what biology suggests.  This is a mental obsession and they get their panites in a twist when you don’t use the “proper pronoun”.  GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!  I worked as a professional mind reader for 30 years and I’m not good enough to know such things and I learned many years ago, not to assume (met many a bearded lady over the years). Stop labeling people as “Transphobic” simply because they won’t join you in your fantasiful trip down the yellow brick road.  For millennia there have only be BOYS & GIRLS in the world with limited acceptance for those showing a homosexual-like nature; most traditions setting such people to the side, for religious training because they carried within them, the essence of both God & Goddess. From this more primitive perspective you had traditional heterosexuals, Bi-Sexuals, Homosexuals (men & women) as well as the A-sexual or non-gender/non-sexual being.  Again, it’s been this way for centuries and I’m certain these points of reality will prove far more a constant than what we’re seeing in trend currently around the LGBT community

ISSUE #4 -- The Trans Evangelicals i.e. militant and aggressive transgender folk that berate and gang up on fresh out of the closet gay/lesbian kids and harass them into believing they are Trans. 

If there is one thing I loathe in life, it’s a high pressure sales pitch of which zealots of most any cause, fit the mold.  I grew up around preachers and evangelists and know them all to be con artist and bold faced liars. When it comes to this issue things are no different; individuals within the Trans community can be assholes just as anyone else can.  In my area the imbalance seems to empower certain folks that want to share the pain and bring others down into the abyss with them.

We must bare in mind that the Trans community has an exceptionally high ratio of mentally unstable individuals.  Huge %s of them are drug addicts and alcoholics due to self-hate/loathing. Over 40% of all Trans people ultimately kill themselves within the initial transition stages with a relatively similar % killing themselves within 5 years of completing the surgery. Yet, Mental Health professionals are negating the condition as being a disturbing Psychological issue presented by people that need on-going help vs. enabling. 

ISSUE #5 -- The Game Players i.e. Female to Male Trans folk that get their jollies not revealing that they are trans until they have lead gay men down a path that leads to the bedroom where certain body parts are missing (sorry, but most gay men want a real functioning dick).  If you throw them off you, toss them out the door or kick their ass, you are stigmatized with being Transphobic. . and that’s bull shit!  This is a game that will end up with someone getting killed if the Trans community don’t get it stopped FAST!  

I brought this forward on Facebook and was immediately attacked by Trans people and their enablers. Which seems to say, “Trans people can do whatever the fuck they want and you can’t clock them on it.”  Well, I’m going to risk saying that you’re full of shit; this is highly unethical, immoral and disrespectful and it is the sort of thing that hurts your cause far more than it does anything. ISSUE #6 -- Ignorance DOES NOT = Transphobic

I have never understood the appeal of doing Drag; I’m a male and though I don’t mind wearing a kaftan at home it is not something I’d wonder about town in.  I wear MEN’S CLOTHING because I am male.  As an entertainer I have worked with many drag queens and female impersonators and for most of that career never had problem one. . . drop away from the scene for a decade and things change on the social-politica front and the Trans community manages to launch a big PR campaign that makes them special.  Yet, many of their membership fail to understand (accept) that the majority of the world can’t wrap its head around their delusion -- their heart held belief that they are actually “normal” in some way. . . again, a believe invented by today’s Mental Health industry and supposedly supported by Medical Science i.e. the claim that the brain of a trans person is “different” from the brain of a normal person.  

Phil Donahue suggested this very same thing back in the 80s, as an explanation around why some folks are gay and others aren’t. . . it had a short shelf-life in actual scientific circles.  Like the Donahue report however, it is darn near impossible to find supporting data to this claim by the Trans community that is not being posted on sites that are LGBT sympathetic on political & social levels.  In other words, the claim seems to be what one would expect Exxon to say about how safe their products are for the environment or belief in “Clean Coal”. 

Not understanding something does not mean you’re ignorant; I know a lot of well educated people that cannot understand the Trans scenario no matter how it is explained.  I’ve been actively a part of the LGBT community for decades and until this past decade the Trans thing was never a major issue.  It is my belief however, that it is trend just as coming out of the closet was used by young people to shock parents back in the 70s and 80s; it’s the next big step. 

As a Rule I have no problem with 90% of the Trans community.  But, if you are a zealot I will put you in your place.  If you are a game player, I will charge you with rape because that is exactly what you’re doing and I bet a good D.A. could add “Hate Crime” to that charge. The thing is, I honestly don’t understand; especially those that want to change gender in order to become a gay man or lesbian -- makes no sense whatsoever -- simply supporting my belief that much of this is done for sake of shocking society and nothing other. 

IN CLOSING. . . I grew up around real bigots including a rather infamous uncle that was a Grand Dragon of the KKK. I’ve seen and even experienced the extremes of bigotry, homophobia, etc. so I know what it means to be a “bigot”. I also find it curious that I’m condemned by aspects of my own community because of my honesty around the whole Trans issue. Especially given how appalled several notable figures in the local community are around the very issues I’ve listed here.

If the LGBT community continues to enable people to do whatever they want and defend them vs. chastising the bad players, I will gladly step completely out of that niche and work with those who, like me, want to see a positive representation of who and what we are, not Green Bay Quarterbacks in a dress and beard. . . such displays insult women that actually have facial hair and contradicts the gender claim of the Trans. . . at least in the view of most. 

You will always attract more bees with honey so maybe it really is time to get our house in order along with priorities. 

I live by very progressive points of view when it comes to society and politics with a hint of midwestern conservatism a.k.a. simple old fashioned common sense.  I’m really good at seeing both sides of most issues.  But do not condemn me or paint me into a niche, simply because I am incapable of supporting your delusions.  That’s not to say that I wouldn’t protect you or defend your rights as a human being, I most certainly would.  But I do not have to cosign things just because Hollywood is pushing it as an agenda. 

Well, enough from me.  I do hope this clarifies things with those that have lashed out at me on FB and elsewhere. 

[balancerseye]

ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OKAY HERE WE GO!

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

Tbh, I’ve been too scared to date but I’d love to and I think my personal ideal date would be going out for pizza with someone, specifically in a restaurant that’s on the side of the moat in Utrecht. If it’s with a person that doesn’t mind I find it hard to make conversation that would be (lmao I’m boring sorry XD)

2. whats your “type”

Tbh I can’t say I have a particular type when it comes to personality beyond “please just treat me nicely, please don’t yell at me, and respect my boundaries”, I know that’s basically just asking for regular human decency but it’s rare here. As for physical traits I really like bigger men with full beards tbqh, girls and other nb people are all just so beautiful ;v;

3. do you want kids?

I don’t think I’d be a responsible parent, and I don’t like being around kids so no.

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

If I change my mind sometime, probably adoption because nothing beyond romantic stuff is happening with me.

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

I’m sorry, I don’t have any cute dates I can think back on without feeling really bad because that gut turned out to be an asshole in the end ^^’

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

Hmmmmm, I’m not going into this, bad memory. (I guess it did help me figure out I was ace so that helps)

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

Night time because I’m a nightmare in the morning.

8. opinion on nap dates?

YES!!! GIMME A NAP DATE KNOCK ME TF OUT, but yeah, I think that would be really cute c:

9. opinion on brown eyes?

I actually prefer dark eyes and brown eyes are so stunningly beautiful.

10. dog gay or cat gay?

I like both equally but I’m gonna go with dog because I gotta root for my dog ;v;

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

As long as they take proper care of them it’s no problem at all.

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

Bad vibes tbh and if they’re like, nice to me but nasty to other people, there’s also a few interests I have bad associations with which make me less likely to want to date someone.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

Tbh I thought you had to be either be a boy or a girl and that if you were trans you could only be the “opposite” gender and then I found out that’s not true at all, and that the label agender fit me way better, everything used to be super on a binary.

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

“Don’t date that gangly boy in homework help class, he ruined you, also honey you look great with short hair and I promise you everything will be fine.”

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

Girls are perfect in whatever shape or size as long as they’re kind to others, which is generally my rule of thumb. With guys it’s bigger softer boys that give great hugs and for nonbinary people, they’re all perfect to me too.

16. who is an ex you regret?

Well, my last ex, but tbh I’m still kind of afraid to speak his name to this day so yeah, he fucked me up quite disastrously

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

Cafes and especially those cute small ones.

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

Lmao, I’m panromantic and agender so it’s gonna be gay either way. Fall in love with me? Congratulations you’re gay friend now let’s hang out.

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

Movie!

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

Tbh I am not prone to shipping for shows but I think the first thing I shipped was Lelouch/Suzaku and I’m still fond of it, my personal favorite to be a little vain, is anyone + Aren (it fuels my love starved heart)

21. favourite gay youtuber

I don’t know any gay youtubers tbh ^^’

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

Yeaaah

23. have you ever been in love?

That too but anything after that was just infatuation, I’d love to be in love again.

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

YEP

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

Lately I mostly determine by thinking about what I like about said person and usually if it’s a physical trait I want to be them.

26. favourite lgb musician/band

Hmm, I’m not certain either who I listen to who’s gay :o

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

Self preservation isn’t shameful and being in the closet doesn’t change who you are, things will be better, and hold on.

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

I’m technically out to my parents but it wasn’t super bombastic, more that I just said “yeah, I’m pan, deal with it”, and they just had to accept that. I only tell people outside my family that I’m pan when the subject comes up and my classmates are generally chill so far. Otherwise, it’s more a whole with a foot out of the closet deal and I try to be as proud of myself as I can be in online spaces.

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

Anything personal I have to tell my parents is uncomfortable

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

Again, it’s okay if you want to put your safety first but just hold out because there will be people who are like you that you can trust with such an integral part of yourself, it sounds cheesy but it will happen.

[ixvyupdates]

‘Sesame Street’ Just Missed a Big Opportunity to Support the LGBT+ Community

Recently, a whirlwind of controversy swirled around speculation that childhood favorites Bert and Ernie, of “Sesame Street,” might be partners—yes, a gay couple. In an interview with Queerty, Mark Saltzman, who wrote for the show from 1985 to 1998, discusses the challenges of being in a gay relationship during the 1980s, particularly in the television industry.

Toward the end of the interview, Saltzman is thrown a curveball question: Were Bert and Ernie a couple? According to Saltzman, to some degree, yes.

“I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert & Ernie, they were. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them,” Saltzman revealed.

Following Salzman’s confirmation of many a fan’s hunch, social media went ablaze with viral takes on the issue. But then, in tandem, Sesame Workshop and Frank Oz, who once played Bert, rained on everyone’s parade.

Oz insisted that “of course” Bert and Ernie aren’t gay. “I created Bert. I know what and who he is.” To double down on dismissing the rumors, Sesame Workshop released an official statement, clarifying, “As we’ve always said, Bert and Ernie are best friends. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most “Sesame Street” Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

One question sums up my response to the controversy: If taking such an unequivocal stance on Bert and Ernie’s sexual orientation mattered so much, why wait until now, the moment when the world is convinced that they are not straight, and not just friends?

The answer to that question not only reveals society’s misconceptions about what educational and entertainment content is considered “developmentally appropriate,” it also exposes the invisible discrimination and prejudice that many LGBTQ+ educators experience in elementary schools—a worrisome burden that I’ve confronted firsthand.

BACK INTO THE CLOSET

When I returned to elementary school for the first time in 20 years, every direction I turned, I was surprised to find color-coded name tags, hall passes, and seating charts, all denoted by only two of many genders: boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. I’ll always remember feeling “too gay” after my first day—and how fearfully and tensely my body responded to this environment, until the very moment I stepped foot out of the school building.

Without even noticing, I became paranoid and self-conscious, which would sound preposterous to any of my friends who know my work as an LGBTQ+ activist. But, the reality is that society places a heavy burden of respectability politics on elementary educators.

To those who identify as LGBTQ+, this culture of respectability often hints that they should go back into the closet, since, supposedly, their existence is too difficult for children to understand. Adults, parents more so than educators, often hold this misconception because they don’t give children enough credit for what or whom they can learn to become tolerant of.

Consequently, I had no option but to conform to a culture dictated by what parents believed was a safe and wholesome environment for their kids—free of gender non-conforming people and “out” individuals in same-sex partnerships, of course.

Many who’ve never been in this situation might say that conforming was a choice; but to that, I’d say that keeping a roof over my head was not. I did what I had to do, but admittedly, I regretted every minute of it.

Day by day, I caught myself unconsciously policing my attire and mannerisms. I began putting bass in my voice, pushing my shoulders back more, and stepping and swaggering in wider strides, all to perform traditionally masculine gender presentation. Essentially, I took on a bold Sasha Fierce-esque alter ego of sorts, that I wouldn’t dare project in real life.

It sounds silly, yet, this strategy of appearing more masculine—and to the straight eye, less gay—worked for me. Regardless of how oppressive toxic masculinity and the inflated male ego are in the adult world, playing into male privilege got me approval around young kids, because it made me seem protective and paternal. This is the mold for male educators in elementary schools.

Unfortunately, schools have yet to see how much children need the presence of real and authentic LGBTQ+ people, in order to facilitate young children’s character development. Take, for instance, a report by The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), which found that 45 percent of students in grades 3-6, and 49 percent of teachers of grades K-6, reported that the word “gay” was mostly expressed in a derogatory way. Students also reported hearing many other words used as anti-gay or anti-trans attacks; like “dyke,” “faggot,” “fairy,” “lesbo” and “sissy.”

So, with all this evidence that promoting LGBTQ+ inclusivity would be a good thing, why isn’t there more representation of LGBTQ+ people in elementary schools? The same reason “Sesame Street” skirted around the issue.

THE TAKEAWAY: LGBTQ+ INCLUSION IS NOT RATED R

We’ve already seen “Sesame Street” champion numerous lessons on diversity, as well as moral and social development, like when it came to normalizing breastfeeding, working through grief, raising awareness about girls’ rights in Afghanistan, and unpacking adoption and parental incarceration. The show has even broached living with HIV, embracing natural African-American hair textures, moving through the world with a wheelchair, and growing up with Down Syndrome and autism spectrum disorder.

I’d say that you can’t push the envelope any further, but the truth is that “Sesame Street” has been too staunch of a social justice advocate to turn its back on the LGBTQ+ community, for any reason whatsoever.

Moreover, the only difference between the uproar about a potential same-sex partnership, versus an equally “provocative” issue like HIV, is the belief that LGBTQ+ inclusion is too explicit for elementary school. Rated R. Regardless of the rainbow flags worn during Pride season, many straight folks still believe that their children won’t be heterosexual after “exposure” to the LGBTQ+ community. There’s also the misconception that the LGBTQ+ community will expose children to sex prematurely. None of this is actually how young children’s introduction the LGBTQ+ community plays out.

So, how would a young child react to being introduced to same-sex partnerships? Probably casually, curiously, or both. To be sure, their mind certainly would not wander to inappropriate thoughts, like many educators and parents presume. They’d probably only ask how children like themselves refer to their two moms or two dads, without confusing them—would it be dad and papa, and mom and mama?

In fact, typically developing “Sesame Street”-aged children can’t sexualize peers, adults, or anyone else, for that matter, since concepts of desire and lust are only abstractions that they cannot comprehend (see Piaget’s stages of intellectual development). However, children can wrap their minds around love, and also romantic partnership, at the most basic level. Children’s lexicon and emotional repertoire includes love because from birth, we all have the capacity to feel loved, as well as affirmed, nurtured and protected—feelings that are all extensions of love. This explanation is the nuanced yet very uncomplicated answer to the “What do I tell them?” question that most parents ask in regards to discussing same-sex partnerships with children.

With that said, Sesame Street Workshop’s takeaway from this controversy should be that erasing Bert and Ernie’s possibly same-sex relationship was a missed opportunity. And I hope that the company realizes that the implications of their public statements disappointed many people, like LGBTQ+ parents; and especially LGBTQ+ elementary educators, who have been waiting since forever for a monumental moment of representation, like this should’ve been.

If, time and time again, young viewers have proven that they can empathize with and make sense of the world’s many diverse identities, lived experiences and narratives, what makes us believe that they can’t accept the fact that two people who love each other can claim the same gender or share the same sex—whether they be their classmates’ parents, their teachers’ partners, or just puppets?

Photo by See-ming Lee, CC-licensed.

‘Sesame Street’ Just Missed a Big Opportunity to Support the LGBT+ Community syndicated from https://sapsnkraguide.wordpress.com

[ixvyupdates]

‘Sesame Street’ Just Missed a Big Opportunity to Support the LGBT+ Community

Recently, a whirlwind of controversy swirled around speculation that childhood favorites Bert and Ernie, of “Sesame Street,” might be partners—yes, a gay couple. In an interview with Queerty, Mark Saltzman, who wrote for the show from 1985 to 1998, discusses the challenges of being in a gay relationship during the 1980s, particularly in the television industry.

Toward the end of the interview, Saltzman is thrown a curveball question: Were Bert and Ernie a couple? According to Saltzman, to some degree, yes.

“I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert & Ernie, they were. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them,” Saltzman revealed.

Following Salzman’s confirmation of many a fan’s hunch, social media went ablaze with viral takes on the issue. But then, in tandem, Sesame Workshop and Frank Oz, who once played Bert, rained on everyone’s parade.

Oz insisted that “of course” Bert and Ernie aren’t gay. “I created Bert. I know what and who he is.” To double down on dismissing the rumors, Sesame Workshop released an official statement, clarifying, “As we’ve always said, Bert and Ernie are best friends. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most “Sesame Street” Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

One question sums up my response to the controversy: If taking such an unequivocal stance on Bert and Ernie’s sexual orientation mattered so much, why wait until now, the moment when the world is convinced that they are not straight, and not just friends?

The answer to that question not only reveals society’s misconceptions about what educational and entertainment content is considered “developmentally appropriate,” it also exposes the invisible discrimination and prejudice that many LGBTQ+ educators experience in elementary schools—a worrisome burden that I’ve confronted firsthand.

BACK INTO THE CLOSET

When I returned to elementary school for the first time in 20 years, every direction I turned, I was surprised to find color-coded name tags, hall passes, and seating charts, all denoted by only two of many genders: boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. I’ll always remember feeling “too gay” after my first day—and how fearfully and tensely my body responded to this environment, until the very moment I stepped foot out of the school building.

Without even noticing, I became paranoid and self-conscious, which would sound preposterous to any of my friends who know my work as an LGBTQ+ activist. But, the reality is that society places a heavy burden of respectability politics on elementary educators.

To those who identify as LGBTQ+, this culture of respectability often hints that they should go back into the closet, since, supposedly, their existence is too difficult for children to understand. Adults, parents more so than educators, often hold this misconception because they don’t give children enough credit for what or whom they can learn to become tolerant of.

Consequently, I had no option but to conform to a culture dictated by what parents believed was a safe and wholesome environment for their kids—free of gender non-conforming people and “out” individuals in same-sex partnerships, of course.

Many who’ve never been in this situation might say that conforming was a choice; but to that, I’d say that keeping a roof over my head was not. I did what I had to do, but admittedly, I regretted every minute of it.

Day by day, I caught myself unconsciously policing my attire and mannerisms. I began putting bass in my voice, pushing my shoulders back more, and stepping and swaggering in wider strides, all to perform traditionally masculine gender presentation. Essentially, I took on a bold Sasha Fierce-esque alter ego of sorts, that I wouldn’t dare project in real life.

It sounds silly, yet, this strategy of appearing more masculine—and to the straight eye, less gay—worked for me. Regardless of how oppressive toxic masculinity and the inflated male ego are in the adult world, playing into male privilege got me approval around young kids, because it made me seem protective and paternal. This is the mold for male educators in elementary schools.

Unfortunately, schools have yet to see how much children need the presence of real and authentic LGBTQ+ people, in order to facilitate young children’s character development. Take, for instance, a report by The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), which found that 45 percent of students in grades 3-6, and 49 percent of teachers of grades K-6, reported that the word “gay” was mostly expressed in a derogatory way. Students also reported hearing many other words used as anti-gay or anti-trans attacks; like “dyke,” “faggot,” “fairy,” “lesbo” and “sissy.”

So, with all this evidence that promoting LGBTQ+ inclusivity would be a good thing, why isn’t there more representation of LGBTQ+ people in elementary schools? The same reason “Sesame Street” skirted around the issue.

THE TAKEAWAY: LGBTQ+ INCLUSION IS NOT RATED R

We’ve already seen “Sesame Street” champion numerous lessons on diversity, as well as moral and social development, like when it came to normalizing breastfeeding, working through grief, raising awareness about girls’ rights in Afghanistan, and unpacking adoption and parental incarceration. The show has even broached living with HIV, embracing natural African-American hair textures, moving through the world with a wheelchair, and growing up with Down Syndrome and autism spectrum disorder.

I’d say that you can’t push the envelope any further, but the truth is that “Sesame Street” has been too staunch of a social justice advocate to turn its back on the LGBTQ+ community, for any reason whatsoever.

Moreover, the only difference between the uproar about a potential same-sex partnership, versus an equally “provocative” issue like HIV, is the belief that LGBTQ+ inclusion is too explicit for elementary school. Rated R. Regardless of the rainbow flags worn during Pride season, many straight folks still believe that their children won’t be heterosexual after “exposure” to the LGBTQ+ community. There’s also the misconception that the LGBTQ+ community will expose children to sex prematurely. None of this is actually how young children’s introduction the LGBTQ+ community plays out.

So, how would a young child react to being introduced to same-sex partnerships? Probably casually, curiously, or both. To be sure, their mind certainly would not wander to inappropriate thoughts, like many educators and parents presume. They’d probably only ask how children like themselves refer to their two moms or two dads, without confusing them—would it be dad and papa, and mom and mama?

In fact, typically developing “Sesame Street”-aged children can’t sexualize peers, adults, or anyone else, for that matter, since concepts of desire and lust are only abstractions that they cannot comprehend (see Piaget’s stages of intellectual development). However, children can wrap their minds around love, and also romantic partnership, at the most basic level. Children’s lexicon and emotional repertoire includes love because from birth, we all have the capacity to feel loved, as well as affirmed, nurtured and protected—feelings that are all extensions of love. This explanation is the nuanced yet very uncomplicated answer to the “What do I tell them?” question that most parents ask in regards to discussing same-sex partnerships with children.

With that said, Sesame Street Workshop’s takeaway from this controversy should be that erasing Bert and Ernie’s possibly same-sex relationship was a missed opportunity. And I hope that the company realizes that the implications of their public statements disappointed many people, like LGBTQ+ parents; and especially LGBTQ+ elementary educators, who have been waiting since forever for a monumental moment of representation, like this should’ve been.

If, time and time again, young viewers have proven that they can empathize with and make sense of the world’s many diverse identities, lived experiences and narratives, what makes us believe that they can’t accept the fact that two people who love each other can claim the same gender or share the same sex—whether they be their classmates’ parents, their teachers’ partners, or just puppets?

Photo by See-ming Lee, CC-licensed.

‘Sesame Street’ Just Missed a Big Opportunity to Support the LGBT+ Community syndicated from https://sapsnkraguide.wordpress.com

[ixvyupdates]

‘Sesame Street’ Just Missed a Big Opportunity to Support the LGBT+ Community

Recently, a whirlwind of controversy swirled around speculation that childhood favorites Bert and Ernie, of “Sesame Street,” might be partners—yes, a gay couple. In an interview with Queerty, Mark Saltzman, who wrote for the show from 1985 to 1998, discusses the challenges of being in a gay relationship during the 1980s, particularly in the television industry.

Toward the end of the interview, Saltzman is thrown a curveball question: Were Bert and Ernie a couple? According to Saltzman, to some degree, yes.

“I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert & Ernie, they were. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them,” Saltzman revealed.

Following Salzman’s confirmation of many a fan’s hunch, social media went ablaze with viral takes on the issue. But then, in tandem, Sesame Workshop and Frank Oz, who once played Bert, rained on everyone’s parade.

Oz insisted that “of course” Bert and Ernie aren’t gay. “I created Bert. I know what and who he is.” To double down on dismissing the rumors, Sesame Workshop released an official statement, clarifying, “As we’ve always said, Bert and Ernie are best friends. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most “Sesame Street” Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

One question sums up my response to the controversy: If taking such an unequivocal stance on Bert and Ernie’s sexual orientation mattered so much, why wait until now, the moment when the world is convinced that they are not straight, and not just friends?

The answer to that question not only reveals society’s misconceptions about what educational and entertainment content is considered “developmentally appropriate,” it also exposes the invisible discrimination and prejudice that many LGBTQ+ educators experience in elementary schools—a worrisome burden that I’ve confronted firsthand.

BACK INTO THE CLOSET

When I returned to elementary school for the first time in 20 years, every direction I turned, I was surprised to find color-coded name tags, hall passes, and seating charts, all denoted by only two of many genders: boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. I’ll always remember feeling “too gay” after my first day—and how fearfully and tensely my body responded to this environment, until the very moment I stepped foot out of the school building.

Without even noticing, I became paranoid and self-conscious, which would sound preposterous to any of my friends who know my work as an LGBTQ+ activist. But, the reality is that society places a heavy burden of respectability politics on elementary educators.

To those who identify as LGBTQ+, this culture of respectability often hints that they should go back into the closet, since, supposedly, their existence is too difficult for children to understand. Adults, parents more so than educators, often hold this misconception because they don’t give children enough credit for what or whom they can learn to become tolerant of.

Consequently, I had no option but to conform to a culture dictated by what parents believed was a safe and wholesome environment for their kids—free of gender non-conforming people and “out” individuals in same-sex partnerships, of course.

Many who’ve never been in this situation might say that conforming was a choice; but to that, I’d say that keeping a roof over my head was not. I did what I had to do, but admittedly, I regretted every minute of it.

Day by day, I caught myself unconsciously policing my attire and mannerisms. I began putting bass in my voice, pushing my shoulders back more, and stepping and swaggering in wider strides, all to perform traditionally masculine gender presentation. Essentially, I took on a bold Sasha Fierce-esque alter ego of sorts, that I wouldn’t dare project in real life.

It sounds silly, yet, this strategy of appearing more masculine—and to the straight eye, less gay—worked for me. Regardless of how oppressive toxic masculinity and the inflated male ego are in the adult world, playing into male privilege got me approval around young kids, because it made me seem protective and paternal. This is the mold for male educators in elementary schools.

Unfortunately, schools have yet to see how much children need the presence of real and authentic LGBTQ+ people, in order to facilitate young children’s character development. Take, for instance, a report by The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), which found that 45 percent of students in grades 3-6, and 49 percent of teachers of grades K-6, reported that the word “gay” was mostly expressed in a derogatory way. Students also reported hearing many other words used as anti-gay or anti-trans attacks; like “dyke,” “faggot,” “fairy,” “lesbo” and “sissy.”

So, with all this evidence that promoting LGBTQ+ inclusivity would be a good thing, why isn’t there more representation of LGBTQ+ people in elementary schools? The same reason “Sesame Street” skirted around the issue.

THE TAKEAWAY: LGBTQ+ INCLUSION IS NOT RATED R

We’ve already seen “Sesame Street” champion numerous lessons on diversity, as well as moral and social development, like when it came to normalizing breastfeeding, working through grief, raising awareness about girls’ rights in Afghanistan, and unpacking adoption and parental incarceration. The show has even broached living with HIV, embracing natural African-American hair textures, moving through the world with a wheelchair, and growing up with Down Syndrome and autism spectrum disorder.

I’d say that you can’t push the envelope any further, but the truth is that “Sesame Street” has been too staunch of a social justice advocate to turn its back on the LGBTQ+ community, for any reason whatsoever.

Moreover, the only difference between the uproar about a potential same-sex partnership, versus an equally “provocative” issue like HIV, is the belief that LGBTQ+ inclusion is too explicit for elementary school. Rated R. Regardless of the rainbow flags worn during Pride season, many straight folks still believe that their children won’t be heterosexual after “exposure” to the LGBTQ+ community. There’s also the misconception that the LGBTQ+ community will expose children to sex prematurely. None of this is actually how young children’s introduction the LGBTQ+ community plays out.

So, how would a young child react to being introduced to same-sex partnerships? Probably casually, curiously, or both. To be sure, their mind certainly would not wander to inappropriate thoughts, like many educators and parents presume. They’d probably only ask how children like themselves refer to their two moms or two dads, without confusing them—would it be dad and papa, and mom and mama?

In fact, typically developing “Sesame Street”-aged children can’t sexualize peers, adults, or anyone else, for that matter, since concepts of desire and lust are only abstractions that they cannot comprehend (see Piaget’s stages of intellectual development). However, children can wrap their minds around love, and also romantic partnership, at the most basic level. Children’s lexicon and emotional repertoire includes love because from birth, we all have the capacity to feel loved, as well as affirmed, nurtured and protected—feelings that are all extensions of love. This explanation is the nuanced yet very uncomplicated answer to the “What do I tell them?” question that most parents ask in regards to discussing same-sex partnerships with children.

With that said, Sesame Street Workshop’s takeaway from this controversy should be that erasing Bert and Ernie’s possibly same-sex relationship was a missed opportunity. And I hope that the company realizes that the implications of their public statements disappointed many people, like LGBTQ+ parents; and especially LGBTQ+ elementary educators, who have been waiting since forever for a monumental moment of representation, like this should’ve been.

If, time and time again, young viewers have proven that they can empathize with and make sense of the world’s many diverse identities, lived experiences and narratives, what makes us believe that they can’t accept the fact that two people who love each other can claim the same gender or share the same sex—whether they be their classmates’ parents, their teachers’ partners, or just puppets?

Photo by See-ming Lee, CC-licensed.

‘Sesame Street’ Just Missed a Big Opportunity to Support the LGBT+ Community syndicated from https://sapsnkraguide.wordpress.com