#i'm just excited we've spent another month together!!!

[w2soneshots]

Brother’s best mate -W2S

words: 0.8k+

warnings: smut, swearing, alcohol consumption.

summary: you and harry meet through your brother ethan. After a night spent with the side girls you crawl into bed with your favourite guernsey boy.

notes: I haven’t written anything like this in ages!🤭 hope you enjoy🔥🫶🏼

Liked by wroetoshaw and 301,583 others

y/username: spending time with my favourite people💞 (even if it's on a golf course😒😂)

Tagged: @faithloisak @behzingagram @wroetoshaw

-comments-

faithloisak: aw I love you

-> y/username: ❤️🫶

y/nfanpage21: she's so 🌼🧺☕️🧘‍♀️🥐 coded

user19470245: omg they went to golf together😭

user83271430: the pic of ethan and faith is adorable

Last year I moved to London to be closer to Ethan when Faith fell pregnant, to help her and to spend more time with the both of them. I also bought an apartment so I'm just a 20 minute drive from them. I finally met the sidemen at the gender reveal. I'd never actually been introduced to them before, which was weird because they are basically the reason Ethan has a career and they helped him so much a few years ago when he was in a really dark place. Me and Harry didn't immediately hit it off, don't get me wrong I thought he was attractive but he's also very awkward and was wary that I'm his best mates sister.

After almost five months of being friends with the group, going to little parties or just hanging out with them me and Harry kissed. I knew it was bound to happen since we had both quickly developed a large crush on each other but after it had happened we'd decided not to tell anyone (especially Ethan) before we knew we were actually good together. It took just one month before we were officially dating and decided it was the time to tell everyone. Of course we told Ethan first, he was shocked but (to our surprise) happy that his best mate and sister were dating. Everyone else was so excited.

We've now been together for 6 months and only told the fans recently. Today I'm going to dinner with: Talia, Faith and Freya for Talia's birthday. Harry had a more sidemen shoot today so wouldn't get home until six. I had a shower, dried and styled my hair, applied some makeup then chose an outfit. I was on my way out just as Harry arrived back. "Wow," He glanced down at my outfit before returning his attention to my face "you look beautiful." I smiled "thank you Haz, I'll be home by ten." "You better be, I can't wait to rip those clothes off."

I arrived outside of the restaurant, thanked the uber driver then spotted Talia getting out of another car. I quickly walked towards her "happy birthday!" We excitedly hugged each other. "Thank you! Freya's already inside." She beamed. "Ok. I think Faith's running a little bit late, let's just go inside." I replied. We headed into the fancy restaurant and were taken to our table where Freya already sat. When she spotted us she immediately leapt from her seat. She said happy birthday to Talia then we all sat down. Faith arrived a few minutes later and we ordered our drinks.

After eating our starters, mains and desserts me Freya and Faith split the bill (not before trying to convince Talia to let us treat her for her birthday). Thankfully I had only had two drinks so I was just a little tipsy. We left then ordered a taxi. Freya was dropped off first then Talia and I was third. I said goodbye to Faith then hopped out.

y/username

Liked by miniminter and 480,231 others

y/username: my girl @taliamar 's birthday dinner with @freyanightingale and @faithloisak 🤍💫

-comments-

taliamar: I had the best night ily😘

-> y/username: ily

freyanightingale: 💓💓

y/nfanpage21: omg you look stunning!!

user91037494: I love that the side girls are actually friends irl it's so cute

When I got up to mine and Harry's apartment I unlocked the door, opened it, kicked my shoes off and dropped my bag. "Haz?!" I shouted through the apartment. I walked through into the bedroom, Harry sat waiting patiently for me "Hey." My mouth curved into a smile "hi." I jumped onto the bed next to him. "Have fun?" He asked. "Mhm" I hummed.

I turned to him and pecked his lips. The kiss deepened, he grabbed the back of my thighs and pulled me onto his lap. I reached my hands down to the belt wrapped around my waist, I pulled it off and threw it to the floor. I moved Harry's hands from the back of my thighs to my ass. He groaned into the kiss then rushed to pull the zipper down on my dress, then he pulled it off and over my head, leaving me in just my matching black lace bra and underwear set. Harry broke the kiss to look down at me "you're so fucking beautiful." He rasped. I pulled his shirt over his head, followed by his pyjama pants. While Harry unclipped my bra, allowing the straps to fall from my shoulders.

Within just a few minutes we were both completely naked. Harry flipped me onto my back. I whimpered as I rubbed my thighs together, desperate for any sort of friction. "Harry, please." I cried out. "What do you want baby? Use your words." "I need you to fuck me."

[arc852]

29. Sweet Tooth

Definition: a great liking for sweet-tasting foods.

Summary: Joel and Jimmy arrive at Joel's home and Jimmy tries something sweet for the first time.

G/t: Joel is normal-sized, Jimmy is a borrower

Word Count: 2027

AO3 Link

Another installment in the BBBCAU! This pretty much takes place right after Coveted. You might need to read that one or you'll be a bit confused!

Also, I can't believe GtJuly2024 is almost over! But we've got two more stories left! And I'm definietly not going to stop writing after this. There just might be a bit more time between posts after this month lol.

I hope you guys enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Joel entered his room after his reunion with his family. He’d normally spend more time talking to them and visiting first thing but he kind of rushed it, knowing Jimmy was in his pocket. He knew the poor borrower wanted out as soon as possible, the chest pocket not being nearly as comfortable as a hoodie pocket, according to Jimmy. So he hurried along the hellos to his family so he could rush to his room.

 He closed the door behind him, finally having some privacy. Despite his best efforts to rush, his family still managed to keep him downstairs for an hour. Jimmy was probably suffocating in his pocket by now. The thought made Joel more nervous and he lifted up the lip of his chest pocket. “Hey, everything alright in there?”

 Jimmy looked up at him from the pocket, looking more or less okay, if a little ruffled. He sent Joel a thumbs up. “All good but ready to come out now if possible.” Jimmy said with a chuckle and Joel snorted in turn. He then reached in carefully, using only two fingers to snag onto Jimmy’s body and pull him out. As soon as he was out of the pocket, Joel moved his other hand and released his pinched grip on Jimmy, letting him sit on his open palm.

 “Well, welcome to my room.” Joel said a bit half-heartedly. He’d be more excited but he did just drive 3 hours. “This is where I’ve spent the last 18 years of my life before going away to University.” 

 For Jimmy’s part, he did look excited. “Wow! It looks like the dorm but…more you!” Jimmy exclaimed, looking up at Joel with a grin.

 Joel snorted. “What does that even mean?” Joel walked farther into his room, setting his suitcase down at the foot of his bed and sitting on top of the bed, reaching over with his free hand to turn on his bedside lamp.

 “I don’t know, I can just tell this is your room, is all.” Jimmy tried to explain himself, face heating up a bit.

 “Or maybe you know it’s my room because I told you it is.” Joel quipped back and laughed as Jimmy got heated.

 “That’s not what I meant and you know it!” Jimmy yelled over Joel’s laughter.

 Suddenly, there was a brief knock on Joel’s door before it began to open. In a panic, Joel clasped his hands together with Jimmy in the middle to hide him and then placed his hands in his lap to look a bit more normal. His mom peeked in, looking at the odd way Joel was sitting with a confused face but thankfully she didn’t say anything.

 “Just wanted to let you know dinner is ready. Wash your hands and come down to eat.” She said and Joel nodded, watching and waiting until the door was fully closed and he heard her footsteps walking away. He let out a sigh of relief and opened his hands up.

 He winced as he saw Jimmy looked a bit knocked around. “Sorry Jim, I wasn’t expecting her to suddenly come in here like that.” He supposed dorm life made him used to people not suddenly walking in. “Are you okay?” He raised his hand, trying to make sure he didn’t hurt him with the sudden movement.

 “Yeah, I’m okay. Just startled me is all.” Jimmy said with a smile. “I’d rather be a bit ruffled than have someone else see me though. So thanks.”

 Joel nodded seriously. “Of course. Both me and Grian know how important it is to keep you hidden from everyone else.” He didn’t want to think about someone with ill intentions getting their hands on Jimmy. The very thought made his blood boil. He shook his head. “Anyway, if I don’t start heading down, mom will come up here again.” He set Jimmy down on his nightstand and stood up.

 “I’ll bring you up some dinner afterwards but it might be a bit. Are you gonna be okay here by yourself?” Joel asked, a little nervous leaving Jimmy alone. Sure, they left him alone all the time back at the dorm but Jimmy knew that place like the back of his hand. This was all new for the borrower.

 Jimmy waved away his worries. “I’ll be fine! I’ll just explore a bit, I’ve got plenty to see after all.” he wouldn’t be bored, that was for sure.

 Joel nodded. “Okay, just be careful.” He headed toward the door, glanced at Jimmy one more time before quickly opening and closing the door behind him.

 Jimmy listened to Joel’s footsteps fade away as he realized he was now alone for the first time in, well, a while. It was kind of nice if he was being honest. He loved Grian and Joel but even now it could still feel overwhelming being around them at times. Being alone for these little bits gave him some time to reset.

 Besides, right now, he was also excited to explore Joel’s room. It had been such a long time since he had explored a new space. Back at the college, a lot of dorm rooms were exactly the same, save the things inside that people brought with them. But this was completely new and Jimmy could feel his instincts kicking in. He wanted to explore and borrow and he wanted to do it now.

 Of course, he wouldn’t be doing any actual borrowing. This was Joel’s stuff after all and there wasn’t anything that he actually needed. But acting like he was on the hunt for something settled something in him that he hadn’t realized was still there.

 He started his climb down from the nightstand, ready and eager to explore.

  ***

   Joel balanced a plate in one hand and a glass of water in the other as he tried to open his door without dropping either of them. He thought about sneaking the food away at first, but there was no way he would be able to with all his family’s attention on him. So instead he lied and said he was still hungry. Thankfully it worked and he was ushered upstairs with an extra plate of food, some dessert, and water. It was honestly too much for Jimmy to eat but at least he had some variety in his options.

 He finally managed to open the door, closing it quickly behind him. He then stood there, scared to move when he realized Jimmy said he would be exploring. Which meant the borrower was currently on the ground. And without eyes on him, Joel didn’t want to move a single step. “Jimmy? It’s just me. I brought dinner.”

 His eyes scanned the floor until he saw Jimmy coming out from underneath his bed. He relaxed and made his way over to set the food and drink on his nightstand, being careful of where Jimmy was at. After making his hands free, he crouched down and scooped Jimmy up. Jimmy must have been expecting it because he didn’t so much as make a noise. He just settled into Joel’s palms. Joel smiled a bit at that, almost not wanting to put him down. But he knew Jimmy needed to eat, so he set him down on the nightstand as Joel took a seat on his bed.

 “Whoa! This looks so good!” Jimmy exclaimed, running over to the plate. 

 “Yeah, it tastes good too.” Joel forgot how Jimmy survived solely on take-out and dorm food. Which were fine but it didn’t hold a candle to a nice home-cooked meal. Was this Jimmy’s first time eating something home-cooked? “I think the chicken will be easy enough for you to eat but I’m not sure about the mashed potatoes.” Joel tried to explain.

 “I think it’ll be fine. It’s solid enough.” Jimmy said as he stuck his finger in it and licked it. He grinned at the taste. He then looked at the other thing on the plate, his eyes going wide. “What’s that?” He pointed to it.

 Joel hummed, following his finger. “Oh! My mom made us some dessert. Something special for coming back home. It’s chocolate cake.”

 “Chocolate cake?” Jimmy repeated back. He had never heard of it, at least as far as he could remember.

 Joel blinked. “Oh, I guess the dorms don’t really have desserts or sweets huh?” Not only has Jimmy been deprived of home-cooked meals but of sweets as well? He really needed to figure out a way to get these things to Jimmy more often. It just wasn’t fair.

 “Yeah, some humans bring like, chocolate bars and stuff with them, but those things are coveted. I never even hoped to get my hands on one. It would have been too much of a risk.” Jimmy explained and Joel winced. 

 “Well, you don’t have to worry about that now. Go ahead and eat as much as you want.” Joel said, leaning back on his hands to let Jimmy go at it. Jimmy for his part, nodded and started eating. He started with the actual dinner first, going for some chicken and then grabbing a scoop of mashed potatoes for himself. Joel watched fascinated. He’s seen Jimmy eat multiple times now but it was always so weird. Joel couldn’t help but stare sometimes.

 Jimmy was done with the main course pretty quickly. He couldn’t eat too much of it after all. In fact, to Joel it barely looked like he had made a dent out of it. At least it didn’t cost anything extra for Grian and Joel to keep Jimmy fed. Joel watched, excited, as Jimmy made his way to the chocolate cake.

 Jimmy himself was also excited. This would be his first time trying anything chocolate, let alone cake. He couldn’t wait to see what all the fuss was about. He grabbed himself a handful, making sure to get a bit of everything in it. It was messy though, way messier than even the mashed potatoes had been. Jimmy ignored that though and went in for a bite.

 His eyes widened.

 Joel laughed at Jimmy’s expression. “That good huh?”

 All Jimmy could do was nod as he went in for another bite. And another. And another.

 Joel blinked, laughter dying off and replaced by a bit of awe. “Oh wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat that much.”

 Jimmy couldn’t help it, it was the best thing he had ever tasted. Was this what he had been missing out on all this time? If that was the case, maybe the risk would have been worth it after all. This was delicious. 

 Joel’s awe was soon replaced by concern. “Ah, okay, yeah, I think I gotta cut you off here.” Joel said as he gently grabbed Jimmy and pulled him away from the cake. 

 “Hey!” Jimmy squirmed in his grip and Joel almost dropped him. He brought his other hand underneath to make sure nothing happened. Jimmy hadn’t squirmed in his grasp in a long time. Not since they had first met. This was different though, of course, as Jimmy very quickly settled down and just huffed at him.

 “Sorry Jimmy but if you keep it up, you’re gonna get a stomach ache.” He looked back over at the cake. Unlike the rest of the food, he could very clearly see that it had been eaten off of. “I’ll keep in mind you’ve got quite the sweet tooth though. I promise that won’t be your last chocolate cake.”

 Jimmy perked up a bit at that. “Alright. I guess I should stop for now.” Jimmy agreed and Joel laughed. He then took a better look at Jimmy and noticed how much of a mess he was. His laughter turned into playful disgust.

 “And you’re a mess. Guess it’s time for a visit to the sink.” Joel said with a shrug, grinning as Jimmy yelled. 

“No! Not the sink!”

 Joel laughed as he headed toward the bathroom in order to prepare the sink so Jimmy could clean himself up.

 The rest of this break was looking like it was going to be a lot of fun.

[cupoftaae]

Life In Color - KTH drabble- The one with the pink dress ⋆｡°✩

summary- going wedding dress shopping with your future husband isn't typical, but you do it anyways.

pair- kth x female!reader

rating- 18+

A/N - hi guys! I hope you love these new drabbles, Tae and y/n are my favorite couple ive written and can't wait to deepen their story line. enjoy :) -Nini

"and who is this you've brought with you?"

"my fiancé"

The woman sitting front desk blankly looked at your large grin as you stood in a large puffer jacket, Taehyung behind you with the same smile plastered on his face.

"oh!" she finally spoke, "it's just most couples choose to wait for the dress reveal until the wedding"

You nod, you knew this was gonna be questioned.

You tried your best to explain that you wanted your husband to be the first to see it, instead of the last. You and him agreed that it would be better to surprise family. Was it conventional? no, but nothing you two did ever was.

Another woman came out from the back and led us into a try on room, mirrors surrounding the small couch that taehyung plopped down on, his own face slightly pink in anticipation to see you in a real wedding dress.

everything was becoming increasingly more real as the clock began to tic down to the wedding date.

"let me take your coat, baby" he whispered, pulling it off your shoulders as you stood.

"ok, im gonna go with her and pick out a few and i'll come back in once im ready" you giggled and kissed his nose, happily following the woman out to the room. The large isles of puffy dresses was slightly overwhelming to look at.

You were supposed to pick just one?

"so we will gather as many as you please, then eliminate them as we go until we find the dress that you feel most beautiful in"

You grinned and nodded, "sounds good"

Your eyes scanned, looking deeply at each unique design. you almost felt like an imposter standing here, this was a little too fancy.....and expensive.

Growing up on the poorer side meant now that you were 23, and had your own well earned money, you still had issues with spending it. Every item was a questionable "is it really that needed?" purchase. The fear of someday running out, all because you spent it on unnecessary items haunts you, even though that is far from realistic.

"so....tell me about your fiancé" the older woman spoke, her arms crossed as she followed you around the room, collecting anything that sparked your interest even in the slightest.

"well...." you blush, "we've known each other since we were little kids, and to be honest I think we were just meant for each other" you mentally cringe at the corny line that left your mouth. It was true though.

She grinned "how adorable, you both are rather young, I dont see a lot of kids in their early 20's getting married as much as before"

"yeahh..." you began, handing her a soft white gown to add to her small pile in her arms. "I guess we have spent so much time together that instead of waiting, we just knew what we wanted"

"that is very true, he seems as lovely as you and I'm positive it will work out. Whens the wedding?"

"February"

"3 months, that exciting. Most women have their dress a year before" she laughed softly

"yeah well we didn't have much time to plan, we are not super fancy and its just gonna be a small wedding with our parents and siblings, nothing super big"

"small weddings are always sweet too, of course you wont get as much money with that little guests" she teased, making you secretly scrunch your face up.

"eh...not too concerned"

You did not care if you weren't going to get many expensive gifts or cash at your wedding, it didn't matter.

thats not really the point of the ceremony.

After a bit, you gathered only 3 dresses and began trying them on.

The first dress was a white puffy one, the skirt similar to a princess gown like you've seen in movies.

"tae?" you whispered, opening the door and walking in to see him on the couch.

His eyes widened as he took you in, a faint blush powdering his cheeks. "i.....woah"

The woman laughed as she had you stand on the platform in front of the mirrors.

"do you like it?"

He lagged for a moment, in shock before nodding, "ye-yeah, yeah I do, baby you look gorgeous" he smiled widely, unable to take his eyes off.

"this one is part of the new collection in stock, no one has bought it yet, its one of a kind and original" the woman began speaking as she flattened the skirt.

"oh wow, thats cool" you mumbled, eyes stuck on yourself in the mirror. It was kinda freaky to imagine yourself in a wedding dress since you were little, and now seeing it in real life.

Taehyung watched in awe of your beauty, but he couldnt help but notice your uncomfortable body language. He chose to stay silent as the worker began speaking once more.

"you look absolutely stunning in it, the price is about $9,000 right now, but of course that would probably be more in the higher 9k or even closer to 10k considering this is a bit big on you and would need alterations"

You felt your face drain, 10k for a white dress made of fabric you could buy at the craft store? Sure, it was an incredibly beautiful gown, but you were not about to pay that much for a one time wear.

"God, ...okay" taehyung lifted his winter cap from his head to itch his scalp in thought, putting it back down as he watched your expression.

"yeah uh...not gonna get this one" you whispered, looking at the worker

"thats okay, lets go try the other ones you picked"

Taehyung sat back down, part of him loving the way you were putting on a little fashion show for him, the other, concerned that you were bothered by something.

You stepped out in another dress, however this white one was more fitted, there was no train behind it, instead it hugged your curves.

Your fiancé smirked, watching as you stepped up to the platform.

"now, how do you feel? this one is from the summer collection, but you did say you were having an indoor wedding in February so you'll still be warm"

You thought for a moment, turning to see your body in the mirror, taehyung stood behind you, "you look so beautiful baby" he smiled

You shrugged, offering an iffy smile "I dont know"

before you knew it, your eyes were tearing up for NO reason.

The worker noticed how concerned taehyung had gotten and she spoke up, "i'll be right back"

When the door shut, he gently took your hands and made you face him, he whispered "whats wrong, hm? why are you so sad, my love?"

"I dont know" you whispered, his fingers wiping your eyes. "I just dont feel as pretty as I thought I did in these, I feel like a fake to be honest"

"why is that?" he sounded angry, not at you, but at the thought you didnt see your own beauty.

"everything is just so expensive and I dont feel like it belongs on me" you sniff, his face softens.

"hey" he whispered, "my parents agreed to help the cost of your wedding dress, stop worrying"

"I know but its not fair to you guys, and besides, I just feel weird. I wish I could just wear whatever"

He smiles gently and brushes your hair. "what is it that you want?"

"see, I dont even know. I remember when I was a little girl I always wanted to wear a puffy baby pink gown" you laugh, "everything seemed so easy then huh"

He thought for a moment, "a pink dress hm? lets see if they have that here"

"are you serious? baby, I was just joking"

"so? try one on anyways my love"

"i dont know....I was like 10 when I said that and-"

"sh" he gently cupped your face, "these dresses arent doing it for you, and we wont stop until we find what makes you feel beautiful, ok? theres no harm in trying."

When the woman came back in, he softly explained the situation, and watched as she left to go find some options that fit the idea you wanted.

After a few moments, she returned with a dress she think you'd like/

"try this one, hun, I think its the closest to what you were telling me, its also the lightest shade of pink"

You glance at tae before nodding and going to change.

It fit on easily, only slightly big in the chest, but its nothing a quick sew job from your work friend couldnt fix.

You step out, watching Taehyungs expression widen at you "oh baby.....you are so beautiful, I love you"

You giggled as he kissed you, turning your body to look in the mirror. You teared up again, but this time not because you were sad.

The baby pink dress had laced long sleeves and a large flowing skirt, the waist sewn tight. It was just the right amount of sparkles added, and for some reason you knew that this is what 10 year old you would have wanted.

"i...I love it" you whispered

Taes eyes watered a bit, seeing the genuine reaction from you.

"how much is it?" you turned to the woman, she began to speak but taehyung stopped her,

"nope, doesnt matter"

"baby-"

"no, no, you love this dress"

You frowned and nodded

"im gonna take care of it, okay?" he kissed you gently, sharing a glance into your eyes through the mirror in front of you both.

"are you sure?"

"positive"

You waited a moment, holding his hand "I really do love it" you whispered

"so....is this the dress?" the worker smiled softly, watching you nod slowly as you wiped a tear "yeah...yeah this is the dress"

taglist-

@ohsweetmimosa

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta for calling my friend out for ditching a hangout

So I (18nb) and a friend, A (18ftm) had this conversation 2 months ago, we talked about how we'll go watch a movie that we've been really excited about & also celebrate our birthdays together since he'll be on break and back from college. Fast forwards to this week, we agreed that us & a few close friends will be going to the movie together. Suddenly A has to ditch the plan cuz he suddenly has a class scheduled on the day he's supposed to come back, sure no big deal, that's not why I'm upset.

The hangout went through a bit of rescheduling cuz I suddenly had a class cancelled and that freed up my schedule, I have been rescheduling this for more than 4 times now, as I have another function to be at, and also mainly to try to make it so that we can accommodate A since it was his idea to go watch the movie at the first place.

So I texted A about our new plan , but he has a tendency to just straight up ignore our texts for weeks or even months on end. And here's the thing, turns out A had agreed to watching the same movie with his other friend B (18m, who is also my ex, A knows about it & the fact that I am not really on good terms with B). Apparently during the time I had been trying to reach out to A to properly discuss the situation, he had been chatting w B about watching the movie together.

And I feel betrayed by A, we planned this way before B decided to join, and A just won't look at his messages and give me the opportunity to even discuss it with him. I had to reschedule this many times trying to accommodate him, one of the plan was for me to miss out on another function with another friend group btw, I was willing to sacrifice that & annoy my friends just so we can watch the movie together. Just for A to ditch us at last second (the movie is like 2 days away during the time of writing when I've been messaging him about it for a whole week now btw)

And for people thinking that we could've just combined the 2 friend groups & go together, I intended the hangout to be a way to spend time w my queer neurodivergent friends & like get loose a little since I've spent a majority of my time masking, this is an opportunity to let me be myself, something that I don't get to do if B is around. So this hangout means a lot to me.

tl:dr wibta for calling my friend out for ditching a hangout that went through reschedules just so he can make it, just to be told that he is ditching our friends & going with my ex?

What are these acronyms?

[antiendovents]

This is more asking for advice than a vent but it's a bit of a vent too. It's really long and I'm so sorry but there's important context and we are also physically incapable of not being long winded. No TW i can think of beyond vague mentions of trauma

TL;DR: A friend claims to be an endogenic system and came out to our friend group first, leaving me to clean up the misinformation mess while navigating the minefield that is them being the more liked friend, while avoiding sounding like a fake claiming asshole. Help

About a year ago we decided to come out to our close friend circle. When we came out to one of our friends, they came out to us back. As endogenic. We were really excited for those few seconds before they revealed they were endogenic, and we didn't say anything then because we genuinely had no idea what to say. The fawning kicked in and for several months we were really trying to be accepting of them being endogenic, but we really can't. After further conversations "one" on "one" with them we've discovered they have a deep level of misinformation that I am not sure how to deal with. I can't just cut them off because we're in a group chat together with several of our other friends who I am almost certain like them more than us.

I can almost guarantee that they have infested the rest of the group with misinformation about a disorder I spent half a year having regular breakdowns about having and what that means for us and our childhood. Realizing what we went through was traumatic, that our mother was genuinely insidiously abusive instead of just kind of mean and crazy, was genuinely one of, if not the hardest, thing we've been through to date. Realizing the memory issues were more than just ADHD and silly brainTM, that the gender fluid stuff was alters, all of it was excruciating. But we made it through the other side. We cut contact with our abusive mother, we have an extremely loving and patient and kind partner that held us while we cried about syscovery and hold us now when we have breakdowns about various other things. We had already done a lot of research on DID before even considered the possibility we could have it for a project in high school, and later when we started really needing to figure out wtf was wrong it was that basis of research that lead us to do further research on it to discover that yes, we have this, and yes, that means we were deeply betrayed by the people who we're supposed to protect us and keep us safe and loved.

This friend who came out has referred to alters as being "dead" or "killed", and they split pretty much the entire cast of Hazbin Hotel immediately after watching it, as well as a different media that I'm not going to say cause it's mildly niche and while I know they don't follow this blog I don't want to risk it. I don't want to fake claim them over this, as many CDD systems have very low split tolerances, are fictive heavy, etc., but on top of them identifying as endogenic and clearly not having done any research beyond TikTok and Tumblr, I just don't know. They have however, mentioned things like amnesia and trauma holders, which indicates to me they are in fact traumatized, likely even more than we are due to the low split tolerance (if they truly are a system), and a traumagenic system, but the endogenic community sunk their grimy predatory claws in and made it impossible for them to come to terms with it.

We really desperately want to correct the misinformation I know has been spread among the group, but more than that I need the friend to accept that endogenic plurality doesn't exist, and that if they are a system, it's traumagenic. I do however, know how difficult it was for us to come to terms with our own trauma, and do t really want to subject another person to that. If we had discovered endogenic plurality before coming to terms with our disorder we likely would have buried our heads in the sand as well, which would have inevitably made it so much worse when we did inevitably have to face our trauma.

I am not super worried about destabilizing them as they have stated they're in therapy with a therapist that recognizes their plurality (though a therapist that accepts endogenic systems as real is just as bad to me as a therapist who doesnt see DID as real at all imo), though that is still a concern. We aren't super close with this friend ourselves, but several people in the group are. I'm mainly worried about losing them or them thinking I'm "fake claiming" them when I got to correct the misinformation.

Anyway, the point of this ask that has taken away too long to get to, is how does one go about both informing a friend (gently and kindly they are genuinely a nice person) that they have trauma, that their system was formed by trauma, and that you really can't be a system without it? How does one go about informing the rest of their friends about the reality of this disorder when you fumbled the first coming out and didn't really make it explicit enough you have DID and not just blorbos in your head cause it's fun? What the hell do I do how do I fix this? This has genuinely been causing a lot of stress and I can't say anything on our blog because they asked for our Tumblr and we gave it when we shouldn't have and now we can't talk about this on there.

Any help or advice would be amazing, whether that's for informing the friend, or the group as a whole. Thank you so much in advance, and thank you for having this space as well. -🦝🧥

i think maybe you should start a conversation with them, try to explain to them first that DID/OSDD is a trauma disorder (if necessary you could try link a few sources or maybe even recommend they look into the sources themselves about it) and once you explain to them you can hopefully explain to the group together that your friend was misinformed and maybe link them some sources too. if you're struggling to find sources here are a few : 01 , 02 , 03 , 04 . they might not be the best but i hope they help and i hope everything goes well. it's not easy to tell a friend they're wrong about something, but sometimes its important to do so, both for you and for them.

[girlbossblackbeard]

s2 brain thoughts: the squeakuel (ep 2)

as a reminder, if u see me posting any of these points as their own posts mind ur business:

-i'm sending my hospital bills to david jenkins for weaponizing thef cuking "you wear fine things well" scene WITHOUT ANY KIND OF WARNING i literally almost choked to death from shock

-hey so what the whole actual fuck is up with transitioning directly from the very painful "you wear fine things well" scene which, as we've already established, has REAL HUMAN CASUALTIES DUE TO THIS USE-CASE, into the "run from me darling" lyric overlayed on top of the god damn shot of ed pAINTING THE BRIDE CAKE TOPPER TO LOOK LIKE HIM AND BASICALLY PLAYING OUT HIS FANTASY OF MARRYING STEDE. david jenkins you have committed crimes

-also!!!!!!!!!! that cake topper has kohl smudged all over it so you KNOW our boy ed has been caressing it against his cheek and sighing longingly

-i know we've all talked about how insane the "ed plays with the wedding cake toppers pretending they're him and stede" scene is but i don't think we've really comprehended how GENUINELY INSANE it is like??? edward teach, blackbeard, the kraken, the scourge of the seven seas, the most fearsome pirate the caribbean has ever known that has recently been on a non-stop slaughtering spree, painted a bride wedding cake topper to look like himself which he then scoots next to a wedding cake topper that looks like stede so he can imagine that he's marrying him. this man carefully rubbed kohl on a cake topper to give it darker skin and darker hair and a BEARD. to make it look more like himself. so he could then. put it next to a cake topper that looked like stede. and pretend. they were getting married. i've written that 3 times now and my brain STILL refuses to fully process those sentences.

-i said it in my first brain thoughts post for ep 1 and i'll say it again: every time im reminded that ed has been crying NON-STOP. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. for MONTHS. over stede. my wall gains another hole

-the way ed is so delirious in his sadness as he pushes the cake toppers out the window. i don't even have any thoughts on that i feel like all i can do is just note it and let y'all deal with the rest

>>actually I lied, he literally watches them sink into the sea after he pushes them out the window that's so fucked up whomever made that decision to make him do that is so fucked up

-"the sea is restorative isn't it" "YYYYEEESSS QUEEN!!!!!!!!!! I'VE ALWAYS SAID SO!!!!!!!!!!!!" "ohh that guy knows" IS THE MOST UNDERRATED EXCHANGE IN THE ENTIRE SERIES IT LITERALLY HAD ME SHAKING WITH LAUGHTER

-would looooooooooooooove to know what went through stede's head as soon as roach mentioned "some place called China??" like did he immediately think of the kiss or getting sent to the naval academy or the kiss or ed's excitement at the prospect of running away together or the kiss or getting kidnapped by chauncey or the kiss or watching chauncey shoot himself in the dome or the kiss or his flop behavior of running back to his family that doesn't even want him or the kiss or

-the crew of the red flag being so immediately kind and welcoming to stede and his crew <3

-i genuinely cannot wait to watch buttons fully immerse himself in the red flag traditions like he was made to be on that crew

-"how should I put this, your energy is..." can't believe they got hatecrimed like that

-RAT BOY

-HE'S HERE

-OUR BOY IS HERE

-fun fact: i recorded my live reaction to episodes 1 - 3 and posted the clip of my friends and i reacting to lucius coming back because we were quite literally jumping for joy and crying over the reunion and THE illustrious Nathan Foad himself told me it was literally the cutest thing he's ever seen (his words, not mine!!) so we're basically best friends forever now and the rest of my life will be spent chasing the high of the happiness i felt during that interaction

-i am also crying once again over his reappearance and i think that's just gonna happen every time i watch this scene :')

-roach's shocked face when lucius appears is something that can actually be so personal

-the way they all dogpile on top of him because they're so happy to see him bitch what the FCUK

-also stede's STUPID LITTLE "huh!" LIKE??????????? THAT WAS YOUR SCRIBE AND RELATIONSHIP GURU YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER WHERE IS THE ENERGY AND EXCITEMENT AT KNOWING HE ISN'T FUCKING DEAD??????????????

-"i love it" *BIG SMOOCH* "i love all of it" *BIGGER SMOOCH* oh so they're trying to kill me by smothering me in the syrupy sweetness of their love. okay

-okay sorry but lucius's absolutely microscopic furrowing of his brow right before black pete kisses him again. for a split second he had a slight look of sadness which lines up with the very real trauma he's endured and how even in extremely happy moments they can be tinged with sadness - maybe a sadness for the past and the way things could've been if he hadn't been pushed off the boat - and all i can say is nathan foad. ur big powerful acting mind

-we gotta talk about lucius choosing not to reveal that ed had pushed him off the ship in front of the whole crew. i'm still trying to figure out if that was him trying to spare stede's feelings (unlikely considering he lets it all out later), spare black pete's feelings (possible, since he knows black pete idolizes blackbeard), prevent himself from having to relive that trauma in front of his friends when he's not prepared to confront those memories, or a combination of all of the above

-"i fell. off the ship." "that doesn't sound like you. you have impeccable balance, babe" i literally love black pete so much i may legally have to change my name to lucius spriggs

-"toouwelss? what is this? are these jobs?" stede i love you so very much to the moon and back but for the love of god you gotta shut it my guy

-I AM LITERALLY SO EXCITED FOR THE BUTTONS SEA WITCH STORY ARC LIKE IT MAY ACTUALLY BE ON PAR WITH MY EXCITEMENT TO SEE ED AND STEDE PROPERLY REUNITE AND OPENLY LOVE EACH OTHER AGAIN

-ed just. washing the door handle. i dont have any other thoughts

-GODDDDDDD HE'S SERVING SOOOOOO MUCH GENDER WITH HIS LIL HAIR BUN AND MOSTLY CLEANED UP WAR PAINT AND DANGLY EARRINGS AKEFJAPWHFA OPERGJAER

-the way frenchie looks genuinely happy for ed when he says he thinks he got all the poison out of his system and it's a new day :((

-idk much about piracy but i really don't think there's a rule about the new first mate traditionally having to kill the old first mate, i think ed just made that up so someone else would have to kill izzy instead of him. despite everything, despite how low he's sunken into the very dark parts of his mind due to the heartbreak, ed still can't bring himself to deal the killing blow

-"i expect great things from you" might be one of the more chilling lines in that interaction because for THE blackbeard to have not just any expectations from you, but GREAT expectations? that's not a compliment, that's a threat. measure up to what blackbeard thinks you should be or else

-can't comment on the amputation scene too yucky sorry

-stede trying to triangulate ed's coordinates based off of his string of crimes on a map HE drew is me trying to triangulate where tf this season is going based off of buckwild theories i've made up and used as the foundation for even more buckwild theories

-yeah idk what the mushy ass lyrics stede wrote on that map mean but i know they're frighteningly homosexual

-"FUCK YOU. that's how i am" I am SO glad lucius gets to be openly bitchy towards stede it feels like a cathartic release for me personally

-ed's fuckin "heyyyy" to frenchie in the kitchen is both hilarious and unbelievably unsettling

-absolutely obsessed with the writers for once again showing just how scarily observant and intelligent ed is when he calls frenchie out for using his right hand to mime killing izzy even though he's actually left handed

-i really admire how david chose to use a low camera angle that looks up at ed as he reveals to frenchie that he's well aware he hasn't killed izzy yet because taika's performance was already unsettling enough but that specific angle adds so much to his overall menacing presence in that scene

-joel fry's performance in the kitchen scene with ed literally makes me want to bite something he's so good at acting quietly terrified

-this is almost certainly an unpopular opinion but i really would've loved to see more buildup to jim and archie kissing. i just feel like we know NOTHING about her let alone her relationship with jim prior to the two days we've seen them interacting and i feel like that kiss would've felt like a much more satisfying payoff if we had seen more interactions between them before they got to that point. i would've taken delaying that kiss by a few episodes if it meant feeling fully invested in it once it did happen, but i also know the show already has so much material to get through (which is why we should've gotten 10 eps but i digress)

-"hey no one told me this room existed" is giving "i didn't even realize there was piracy happening"

-"take the fuckin leg" is such a perfect line delivery

-love the foreshadowing of olu explaining how the little ships on the war table were all over the place and "some of them were over land"

-roach waxing poetic about the noodles is so relatable

-"jesus christ stede keep your pants on" hands down one of the funniest fucking lucius moments of all time

-sorry but we gotta give a shout out to lucius modifying the chinese fleet uniform so it's sleeveless. the edges are cleanly done so either he was put on tailoring duty at some point and picked it up there or someone on the ship wanted to enable the slayage

-there's something to be said about the fact that the only other man who has lasted being on board the red flag ship is another member of the revenge who was picked up and welcomed into the fold well before stede and the rest of the crew wound up there. something about how stede attracts and retains other people who he can tell are gentle at heart, even if they're putting up a tough front. something about how lucius had bounced from ship to ship until he finally wound up on Zheng Yi Sao's ship where he was allowed to be himself

-"ya don't know............if ya picked up....smokin....." nathaniel buttons my beloved

-OOOOF stede's guilty face after lucius talks about how he must've picked up smoking somewhere. after the crushing guilt he already feels about the ed situation this definitely would've weighed extremely heavy on him

-MY SPICY LIL RAT BOY IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME

-"what the hell is going on in towels" wee john my beloved

-look i know izzy is on the brink of death but he genuinely looks kinda beautiful before ed wakes him up from his shock induced coma and i won't apologize for that

-"my leg" izzy is so fred rechid coded

-"it's up in leg heaven now" i need to know if ed said that as a way of metaphorically digging the knife into izzy and getting back at him for trying to force ed to send stede to doggy heaven in season 1

-i dont have the emotional capacity to dive into the ed and izzy shooting scene rn but just know it destroyed me on a metaphysical level

-"too scared to do it yourself" no because unfortunately now im thinking about ed thinking through taking his own life but coming to the realization that he can't do it. whether it's because of childhood christianity trauma and thinking he'll be sent to hell for doing so or because he knows he can't follow through with it himself if there's still a tiny shred of hope that he'll reunite with stede and everything will be okay again, he always has to outsource the big job

-also, very interesting choice to have almost jovial classical music playing in the background of the ed/izzy scene. it definitely undercut a lot of the tension compared to how supremely uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing the scene would've been if it were dead silent behind the dialogue

-"i loved you...best i could"

-"i've got an ex-wife, two messed up kids probably" LMAO stede acknowledging he would have no way of knowing how fucked up his kids are because of him

-"sounds like you're quite the fuck-up pal" "yeah, i am! and im alone! talk to pete. don't be like me" ohhhhh my god stede is in just as much agony as ed is over this breakup he's just been using his polite society social skills of saving face and never showing how truly devastated you are to others to cover up how supremely messed up he is over all of it. he is BEGGING lucius to talk to pete and NOT make the same mistakes he did because maybe if he can prevent lucius from bottling it up and actually deal with this in a healthy way he can make up for a fraction of all the hurt he's caused not only ed but lucius as well. maybe if he can get lucius to talk to pete he can absolve himself of some of the soul-crushing guilt he feels over how his actions have irreparably damaged the people he cares about the most. maybe if lucius and pete are able to work through this trauma and still come out the other side loving each other just as much or even more than they did before, he can believe that there's still hope for him and ed.

-ed choosing to put on the cravat for what he believes is going to be his last action on earth before dying because he's resigned himself to his fate but is still scared shitless by it and wants that modicum of comfort that stede will always be able to provide him no matter how badly he hurt ed is giving me the urge to find the nearest cast iron skillet and loony toons my skull

-"some people are just broken no matter what you do" noooo why do i feel like lucius was talking about himself when he said that to stede about ed ://

-oof i know they were an unnamed character but fang tried to save someone who went overboard during the storm and wasn't able to :(

-GGGOOOODDDDDDD izzy looks so fucking hot and badass all soaking wet and leaning up against the rigging after shooting ed jesus christ

-"finally" ed was so relieved to have his pain finally end. even after his journey of self discovery in the next episode im really curious how he's going to deal with having to confront the pain he thought he escaped in addition to the pain he inflicted on others while failing to cope with that pain and stopping at nothing, including nearly killing the rest of the crew, to end it

[nonuggetshere]

HI GIRL NEW IDEA BECAUSE I CANT LET FLOWER HAVE A MOMENT OF PEACE

But first, PK finds WL there chatting with Flower outside and ends up joining them, and they ask how Flower's been enjoying the ball

But later PK notices how they don't seem too excited to be around other people, only light up when around people they enjoy spending time with, including them

He goes off somewhere to process it and when WL finds him there he's almost crying

"My wyrm-?"

"My root, I–..."

"What's wrong?"

"...I'm sorry, I... I messed it all up again, I was...so wrong, they- ...they don't hate us, do they? They've been seeking us out all night, they light up when we're near, I...how could have I missed this? It's always just one blunder after another when it comes to them, why did I ever think it was ever alright for us to just- just-"

"...My love, even you can't be perfect. This is the first time we've spent time with them since the accolade, we couldn't have known-"

"Exactly, this is the first time we've paid them attention for months, and just look how happy they were about that! If I had- if we had just taken time to at least get to know them, it would never-"

He's cut off by the sound of the door opening and they look over to see Flower peeking outside, looking for them. He quickly wiped the tears in his eyes away but it seemed they already saw.

"Knight- I'm sorry, have you been looking for us?"

They nod but before either could reply they sign, their hands shaking and with teat hesitation but they still sign to their parents, "Are you alright, sire?"

PK wasn't sure if it was the visible concern or that word that felt like a hot blade being twisted in his chest, "...Mhm, just- taking a short break, the crowds are overwhelming at times and the nobles can be a lot. I'll be fine, we'll return shortly."

"...Do you wish to sit with us?" Their mother asked, "We can go back together, but it's good to catch a breather if you need it."

They pause then come sit by them, just a short distance away. Just enough for the gap to be noticeable yet still close to them.

She smiled, "The night is lovely isn't it?"

They nod and occassionaly glance in concern at their father.

"I like the balls, but I like sitting here in the quiet just as much."

PK looks at Flower, he can't meet their eyes...he looks away and through their bond reaches out to his lade beside him, his voice quiet, "...I don't deserve this concern or their worry... I don't understand why they care enough to stay by our side when..."

"And yet they do. Just appreciate it, my love, we can tackle this after the ball."

Later as they're returning to the ball and Flower is going ahead of them he just lags behind for a bit

"...Do you think they wish to be our child? Do you think they'll..."

And she just smiles sadly at him, "...I hope they do, despite everything..."

They decide they'll talk to them after the ball

But they don't get to, as not long after while they're away from Flower they hear a loud crash and look over just in time to see some nobles had tripped them and they landed on top of the table, taking it crashing down with them. The nobles laugh and taunt them, speaking to them something that neither monarch can quite hear. And PK feels his blood boil.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" PK flies over there in a rage, it takes everything in him not to bare his mandibles and hiss as he puts himself between his child and the nobles

His lady is right behind him, kneeling by Flower's side and carefully helping them up. The way they wobble and nearly fall again makes her concerned

"Oh- your majesties, we were just- they're just some clumsy, we didn't-"

"Do you think I am blind or do you take me for a fucking idiot?! Do not play coy with me, I've seen exactly what happened!"

"Come on," Their mother voice is soft as she holds them up, "He'll handle this, let's get you outside and cleaned up, alright?"

Later, after laying into these nobles and making them clean up the mess they've made, he joins his wife and child outside in the quiet, dark courtyard by the fountain.

They're sitting turned away from him, clutching the shawl in their hands, their cracked mask laying on the ground beside them.

White Lady looks at him, the two of them sharing that same concerned look.

"...How are they?"

"It seems they hit their head but they've healed now, they should be okay."

He let out a light sigh of relief, pulling out his handkerchief he approached them to gently wipe the pieces of food from their now messy and ruined hair, "Fates, look at you..."

A whine escaped them and immediately got both of their parents' attentions

"...Oh..." White Lady gently held their hand, "Your shawl..."

They held the formerly white, delicate fabric, now stained with red wine and ripped in multiple spots, tightly in their grip, their hands shaking as they fought back tears

"...I'm sure we can fix this..." Pale King gently took it from their hands to inspect it and immediately winced, it was really helpless "...Maybe we can sew it up and scrub the stains out. It won't be the same, but-"

"But red wine stains, darling? Wouldn't it be better to just get them a new one?"

"Oh, but all that work they've put into this one..." He looked at them, his heart cracking at the sight, and he gently handed them the shawl back, "...I'm sorry..."

"...It's okay, we'll get you a new one, you could even pick one for yourself. I'm sure you can make it just as beutiful as this one here."

Flower didn't reply, just hugged the shawl close

PK sighed softly and reached out to his lady through their bond as he gently brushed the crumbs of food from Flower's hair with hid fingers, "Love, what outfit did you say they liked second best again?"

"It's hung up by the door, that pretty silver dress with an overcoat."

"I'll go grab it then so they can change, you could try to clean them up a bit and fix their hair while I'm doing that."

The entire time their mother was fixing them up they didn't make a move, but it was clear they were upset. She tried to chat with them but it seemed like no matter what she did they just didn't light up like before. She even takes care to make their hair look even more intricate and beutiful, but they don't even react.

PK eventually makes it back with the dress and they go off to change, but when they return they just sit back down and grab the old shawl, running the fabric between their fingers as they look down. Their parents shared a look then just silently sat down with them, not wanting to leave them alone like this.

...But the nobles were right,

They had no right to be by the queen's and king's side, they didn't deserve this honour. They weren't even a knight, just a guard, a servant. They meant nothing to them, they weren't their child. They were nothing compared to them. Nothing. Just a nuisance, a bother, a mistake. They shouldn't be here, they dind't deserve it. They were just their fathe- the king's mistake, just a blemish on his name, a disgrace they were ashamed of, a traitor, they shouldn't be alive. They were nothing. Nothing compared to the king and queen. How dare they be in their presence? How dare they even think of them as their parents?

They let out a sob.

Then completely broke down. Just a full on loud, ugly crying into the shawl, burying their face in their knees.

The two tried to comfort them, but any attempts at reaching out were met with Flower pushing them away, swatting their hands away, shuffling away from them. They couldn't even look at them.

PK and WL stopped trying yet didn't leave, just sat close by them and kept them company until Flower cried it all out and calmed down.

Once their cries died down to weak, choked up sobs, PK slowly scooted closer to them

He removed the ribbon tbay kept his hair together and carefully reached for their braid, tying it into a little bow

The surprise of it was enough to make Flower completely stop crying and just look at him in surprise and confusion

"I know it's not the same as your shawl, but...this is my favourite ribbon, I always wore it, and I want you to have it now."

[lincolndjarin]

.

// tw for graphic descriptions of sexual assault. this is just a vent post bc i have nowhere els to get these feeling out sorry.

yeah so idk everyone can ignore this i just wanted to write it out bc that's what i do and this is so much but i write things out, like, that's what i do.

i don't really have anyone i can talk to anymore. im not exaggerating when i say i have one friend who still lives in the same state as i do. and she is quite literally always in a lab because she's trying to cure cancer so it's like woof how do i bring her my problems when i only get to see her a couple times a month? i don't want her to associate what little time we spend together with just me complaining bc i love her so much and i don't want to do that to her when she so rarely gets a break. the rest of my friends are scattered around the country so when they are in town we usually just go out and call it a night. and my best friend moved to another state in august. i miss him every day. he's quite literally my soulmate and because of the sudden distance between us i made a conscious effort to give him some space. he's in a new place and i wanted to give him time to adjust and make new friends so i've really only been texting him when there's an emergency or if he texts me first.

so i've sort of just been filled with an overwhelming sense of being alone in a way i never have been previously. it's a big part of why i started writing. a lot of people made comments about how when i first started writing bks that the update schedule was crazy bc i was posting nearly 3 chapters a week and that was because i was desperate to pour my attentions into something other than the fact that i was alone.

all of that is nonsense and in all honestly just a precursor to what is actually upsetting me.

a few of my friends are in town and last night we went out to a club that we used to go to all the time. I haven't gone out in quite some time so i was pretty excited and because it's a gay club i usually feel pretty safe there, i've always been with a large group of friends and i have never felt threatened there because the people are always extremely kind and there is very attentive security.

because i haven't been out in months i definitely overestimated how much alcohol i could handle. i was pretty wasted when we arrived but we got there early enough that it was relatively empty for the first few minutes and we were able to just sort of talk and hang out.

later that night i was with two of my friends dancing when i smiled at a guy who was dancing near us. I have never felt threatened by the men at this club, despite the fact that i am usually pretty wary about men in general due to the fact that i assaulted multiple times by a family friend when i was young.

i was heavily intoxicated at this point but still lucid. i smile at everyone, i make a conscious effort to compliment as many people as possible when i'm out and to smile at everyone.

before i fully knew what was happening he was behind me groping me. one of the two friends that i was dancing with gave me a sort of thumbs up thumbs down signal to see if i was okay, i just sort of frowned and nodded, i didn't really know what to do so i just sort of let it happen, it seemed relatively harmless enough.

after another minute or so he became aggressive, he grabbed me by my chest and held me in place, he bit me and humped me until he came against the back of my skirt. he had not said a single word to me at this point. immediately after that happened i grabbed my friend by the arm and asked him if we could go outside to get some air.

when we recalled what had happened to my other friends it became clear that no one knew the extent of what had happened. they asked if i was okay and i smiled and nodded. i didn't want to ruin the first night we've had out in months so i made a few jokes about it and we went back inside.

i spent the rest of the night staying as close as possible to my friends with my back to the wall.

we didn't leave for another hour or so because my friends were having fun and i told them i was fine. on several occasions throughout the night he would try to get near me again but i managed to avoid him without ever involving anyone else.

i didn't speak much on the car ride home, i had sobered up at that point because i had stopped drinking immediately after it had happened. i didn't cry until i went to bed that night and then i just went to sleep.

it's a little after noon now, i woke up a few hours ago and i just feel sort of empty. i've dealt with the aftermath of assault before but this is somehow worse because i had the opportunity to stop it and i didnt. when i was a kid it was easy to come to terms with the fact that it was never my fault. i was a little girl, the adults around me failed to protect me from what was happening and it was never on me.

but now i am an adult, who was drunk and dressed promiscuously in a club. and it's much harder to swallow because i didn't push him away and i could have asked for help and i didnt so ive just sort of spent this morning staring out the window and drinking lemonade because that's what i do on sundays.

and i feel more alone than i usually do because who am i supposed to talk to about this? i told my friends who were there last night that i was fine and i don't want to text anyone whos been out of town bc it's like 'hey it's been a while! lets catch up! i think i might have been assaulted last night!' and who wants to hear that.

so i guess i'll just do what i do to cope and i'll just write more.

idk. it's just been a rough 12 hours and im tired from all the crying and i really needed to get this out and this is the only place i could think to put this and im sorry if this is too much it's just been sitting stagnant in my mind and it helps me to write so thats what i did.

thats all i guess.

[lucy90712]

Hiii can u do a sort of love triangle with gavi and pedri ♡♡

A/n: my requests are open so feel free to send me more requests. 

If you guys want me to do another one of these but the other way round let me know 

wc: 2200+

When moving to Barcelona I thought I would really struggle to make friends but right when I arrived I managed to make two great friends and now we are as close as anything. Gavi and Pedri aren't the people I thought I'd make friends with when I moved here but after we happened to meet and they were so nice and helpful I wouldn't have wanted things to go any other way. Being friends with them is like having two bodyguards at times they are always keeping an eye on me and protecting me when we go out anywhere together which I really appreciate. Its come to the point that I don't know what I would do without and I hope they feel the same way about me. 

It has been far too long since I've last seen them both has they have been away for the World Cup but now they are back and we are finally going to see each other for a movie night which we do all the time but it's been a while since we've done one. Since we planned this I've been really excited but also a bit nervous as things have changed since they left. After they left and I had so much time to myself I spent too much time thinking and I realised that I have a crush on Pablo which I had been trying to ignore and push to the back of my mind for months. I feel so stupid because I told myself not to catch feelings for either of them as I know that if I say anything it will ruin everything as if he doesn't feel the same way it will ruin the whole group dynamic as things will be so awkward. While they have been away its been fine as when we talk over FaceTime I can hide it but I'm not sure that I can do the same thing in person as they know me so well that I just know I'll give it away. 

To distract myself from how nervous I am about tonight I have spent most of the day in the kitchen baking as the boys both love the cookies and cupcakes I make so I thought I'd make some for us to have as snacks and as my way of showing how proud I am of them both for their performance. As a distraction it has been working pretty well as I've been busy and had music on which has kept my attention away from my worries but as soon as I stopped my worries came flooding right back into my mind. I can't stop playing out every possible scenario in my head which isn't helping at all as none of them end very well in fact they all end with me losing my friends and being all alone again. 

The boys have their first training back with Barca today but afterwards they said they would stop off at mine and pick me up so we can go back to Pedri's place as thats where we always hang out  which means I don't even get any time to prepare myself because as soon as they get here I'll have to see Pablo straight away. Since finishing baking I've been looking at my wardrobe deciding what to wear as I want to be comfy but I also still want to look nice as for some reason I still feel the need to impress Pablo. After ages of debating with myself I settled on some sweatpants and a crop top so that I didn't look like a complete mess but was still comfy although it still didn't feel right but it will have to do as the guys will be here soon. 

Pedri's POV 

Training seemed to drag on forever but eventually it finished and Pablo and I quickly got changed and headed to my car to go and pick y/n up. We have been friends for ages now but we haven't seen her in a while as we were away for the World Cup and she had to stay for school and work so the both of us are really excited to see her again. For a while now I've had feelings for y/n as in feelings that go beyond just friends but I haven't said anything as I don't want to ruin our friendship or make things awkward with Pablo as he will still want to be her friend I know. Sometimes seeing her is hard because I just want to say something or for my feelings to go away but of course they don't so I just put on an act and pretend that everything is normal. 

Pablo and I got in the car and since he’s been fiddling with literally anything in sight which isn't normal for him. He has been acting off in general today to start with he was way too excited about training in the freezing cold but since we finished he's been nervous as anything and I just can't figure out what's going on. Usually he will tell me everything but today there is definitely something he isn't telling me and I have to know what it is as this isn't usual for him. 

"Hey man are you alright you seem really nervous" I said 

"I'm fine its just y/n" he said 

"What about her?"I asked 

"Well I really like her and while we've been away I have been thinking more about it and I want to tell her how I feel but I don't want to ruin everything as I don't think I could handle not having her in my life" he admitted 

As soon as I heard those words came out of his mouth I felt my heart sink. I should've known that he liked her I mean now that I think about it it’s so obvious she's the one person he FaceTimes all the time and he doesn't stop talking about her. Knowing that the both of us have feelings for her makes me feel even worse as I know these sorts of love triangles never end well for anyone involved. 

"If you think telling her is the right thing to do then you should do it as whatever happens is meant to be will be" I said trying to be supportive 

It hurt having to say that but I know that once Pablo has his mind set on something he doesn't easily let it go plus if he truly feels as strongly for her as he says then maybe they will be good for each other. Part of me is hoping that she will reject him and then maybe I might have a chance but I know deep down the right thing to do is back off and let them figure things out. Over my life I've had a few crushes that weren't reciprocated so this will just be another one to add to the list although I never stayed in contact with any of those girls so that will be a new aspect I have to figure out. I don't have long to figure it out though as soon we will be at y/n's picking her up.

Your POV 

My doorbell sounding throughout the apartment made me jump to start with but pretty much straight away I got up and ran to the door to greet the boys as I just knew it would be them. When I opened the door I was right and both Pedri and Pablo were stood outside my door smiling. I gave both of them a hug but held onto Pablo for a bit longer but not too long as to give away my feelings. As we left I grabbed the cookies and cupcakes which they both tried to steal so they could eat one before we even got to the car but I didn't let them. When we got to the car I went to open the door but Pablo managed to get in there first and held it open for me before then getting in the back of the car with me. Usually when we are all together unless we use my car I sit in the back as people always try to take pictures of Pedri and Pablo so I hide out in the back on my own so that I don't have loads of pictures taken of me. It was strange having him sat next to me to begin with but I did like having him sit with me and it made me wonder if maybe he feels the same way I do. 

When we got to Pedri's place he went and grabbed more snacks for us while Pablo and I sat down in the living room. He sat down first while I put the cookies out but when I was done I decided to test the water and sit right next to him on the sofa. For a second he looked at me before getting comfy and putting his arm behind me resting on the sofa clearly trying not to cross a boundary by touching me. We looked at each other for a second before quickly looking away again and I just know my cheeks were bright red but I was trying to pretend it wasn't happening. Things really feel like they have changed slightly between me and Pablo as we would never act like this with each other before but I don't want to get my hopes up as it could be anything or me just imagining things. 

Things were normal for a while once we started watching the film but about halfway though I felt Pablo's hand drop to my shoulder so of course I looked over to him and he just smiled back which made the butterflies in my stomach even worse. The longer we sat there the more confidence I built up so after some back and forth in my mind I decided to lean into his side and rest my head on his shoulder. For a few seconds he tensed up and I worried that I'd done the wrong thing but after a while he relaxed and moved his arm again this time around my waist. That was all the indication I needed to know that he must have some form of feelings for me as although Pablo is touchy with other people he would never do this if he didn't have feelings for me. 

We stayed in that position for the rest of the movie and only when it was over did we move slightly to put a small gap between us which was mainly to avoid Pedri asking questions. After the movie we all talked for a while until it was getting quite late and although I was willing to stay up later Pedri wanted to make sure I got home as I have work in the morning so I agreed to let him take me home along with Pablo. This time Pablo sat in the passenger seat but he kept turning round to talk to me and involve me in the conversation which quickly turned to football and what they were doing in training. 

Once we got back to my place me and Pablo said goodbye to Pedri as Pablo doesn't live far so will usually walk the rest of the way from mine. After Pedri left things got a bit awkward as it was clear that both of us wanted to say something but just didn't know how to start. Seeing as we were just stood outside in the cold and dark I decided it would be a good idea to at least go inside as then we can talk for a as long as we need to. Without thinking too much I grabbed his hand and walked up to my apartment and I only realised what I'd done when we got it my door and I had to let go of his hand to grab my keys. When we got inside things were just as awkward for a few moments until Pablo broke the silence. 

"I'm just going to say it I like you y/n and not just as a friend I know that this makes things awkward not just between us but also with Pedri but I can't hide it anymore being apart from you for so long made me realise just how much I love you which is why this is so hard to say" he rambled 

"Hey stop rambling I like you as more than a friend too" I admitted 

"Hearing you say that makes me feel so much better now I can finally ask will you be my girlfriend?" He asked 

"Of course I will" I answered 

He looked at me smiling for a moment before asking if he could kiss me which of course I said yes to. Pretty much as soon as I said yes his lips crashed against mine in the most amazing kiss I've ever had. I didn't want it to end but eventually we both pulled apart and he gave me one last kiss before leaving to go back to his place leaving me stood in my hallway smiling like an idiot at the fact that Pablo is now my boyfriend, life couldn't get any better. 

[currentlyfckingurmom]

Her Song part 38

I light the last candle in the shop, blowing out a deep breath to settle my nerves. Flo should be here any minute. "Dreams" is playing over the sound system, just like the first time Florence came into the shop, stumbling into my life and changing everything.

Months of saving up for that diamond.

Months of planning this moment.

Months of nerves and excitement.

The past few weeks have been crammed with house hunting and lawyers digging into Syd's case. Ash said maybe I should wait for things in our lives to settle down a bit, but honestly I don't want to wait another second. I love Florence with every fiber of my body and I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her.

The bell above the door rings, signaling Florence's arrival. I nervously adjust the cuff links of my dress shirt. Her smile wavers and her eyes go wide as she takes in the hundreds of candles lighting up the shop. The path of rose petals leads her to where I stand in the middle of the shop. Syd sits on the bar recording the moment. Florence's eyes dart around and absorb what's happening as she begins to tear up.

"Y/N..." she whispers.

"Florence," I say through a watery laugh. "Hey, ma chérie."

She walks closer, silent tears falling as she hesitantly reaches out to grab my forearm. "Is this what I think it is?" she asks. I smile and place a gentle kiss on her forehead before dropping on one knee. Even though she knew what was coming, she lets out a soft gasp when I do.

"Flo, the past year has been the best and the worst of my life. We've spent way too much of it fighting jealous ex boyfriends, hospital rooms, and crazy, murderous men. I know we haven't been together for a super long time, but I feel like I've known you my whole life and I want to continue knowing you for the rest of it. You've been here for me and Sydney in a way that I cannot even begin to describe and thank you for. We've created our own little family, the three of us. Maybe one day we can make it bigger. Before you, I was lost. I didn't know what it meant to truly love and trust someone enough to let them in and let them love you back. The day you walked into this shop, I never expected you to look at me the way you're looking at me right now. I never expected to fall so hard, so fast for a woman I barely knew. Despite all the heartbreak, the ups and downs, and the obstacles we never saw coming, we've gotten up each time we've fallen down, relying on one another for strength and faith. I cannot express how much Sydney and I love you." I begin choking on my words, tears welling in my eyes. "So I guess what I'm trying to say is: Florence Rose Pugh, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

She sniffles, the tears cascading freely now, wiping her face and her eyes darting briefly to the side. "Yes. God, yes. I love you so much, Y/N."

She yanks me up off the ground, pulling me into a tight hug and sobbing into my shoulder. She pulls back and kisses my lips with so much force that it pulls the air out of my lungs. It's like nothing I've ever felt before. She kisses me like her life depends on it. Like she's trying to convey a million things that she can't find to words to say.

"YAY! Does this mean I have two moms now?" Syd shouts from the side.

Flo and I break apart, leaning our foreheads together. "I think it does, Syd," I laugh. I pull back from Flo, wiping the tears from my cheeks and taking a deep breath. With shaking hands, I open the ring box. Flo gasps at the sight of it and I giggle lightly. MY hands are trembling so bad that I struggle to get the ring out of the box. I get it eventually, then drop it on the ground. Florence and I both laugh at my giddy clumsiness as Sydney pokes fun from the sidelines. I pick it up off the floor and push out a calming breath, then I take Flo's hand and push the ring onto her left hand. 

We make eye contact, and she's looking at me like I'm the sun, moon, and earth. We hug again tightly. Over my shoulder, Flo beckons Sydney over who runs up and hugs our legs. Florence picks her up and with the three of us hanging onto each other, I don't think I could be any happier.

"I love you so much, Flo," I whisper into the crook of her neck.

"I love you, baby," she says back and by the way her voice cracks, I know she means it.

[lumeliasimblr]

The Marches saw in the final months of summer with the birth of baby Sebastian, and the adoption of sweet cat Pheeba. Nevellin hopes to adopt at least a few more cats from around the neighbourhood, wanting to open a rescue in town.

One morning, whilst Sebastian slept and Nevellin tended to his garden (keeping an eye out for said stray cats) - he was caught up in a cloud of fertiliser and found himself feeling rather different after it disipated.

Rushing inside to tell Louisa what had happened, she was dumbfounded to find her husband afflicted with the same supernatural power as her father and grandmother.

Nevellin was surprised by her lack of panic over the situation. Louisa was convinced that, as they were now married, he must have somehow become part of the family's gifted line. She was, it must be admitted, rather jealous, in her mind it was only fair she become a plantsim like her relatives had.

In her eagerness to share in the gift, Louisa immediately took over the task of spraying down Nevellin's plants, and, to everyone's shock, it did not take long before she too entered a pesticide haze and returned a different state.

Exclaiming in her excitement to Nevellin, the two celebrated Louisa's transformation.

Their joy however, was short lived. As nights and days passed, the couple found it increasingly difficult to juggle childcare, employment and photosynthesising, finding themselves becoming too easily exhausted, and their son suffering the consequences.

In an effort to find a solution lest they lose their son, Louisa called over her father Ariel to hear his advice. Ariel just so happened to have an idea, and asked for one leaf from each of their crowns, before heading home with a plan concocting in his mind.

Returning a week later, Ariel gifted the couple a potion he and Una had created together. With his plantsim nature, and his wife's scientific capabilities, the two had concocted a tincture that, whilst not a cure, would help alleviate some of the more significant effects of the plantsim affliction.

He told the couple to share the potion between them, then spent some time playing with Sebastian whilst the parents soaked in the evening rays.

With Sebastian asleep in his room, Louisa led the way in drinking the potion her parents had prepared for them. Passing the beaker to Nevellin and feeling the potion move through her cells, she gasped as before her eyes they began to transform back into their old selves.

Their skin and hair returned to normal, but Louisa could still feel the chlorophyll in her skin, the desire to feed on the sunlight dulled, but present. And she just couldn't put her finger on why she loved this outfit so much she had no desire to change. She and Nevellin embraced, accepting their new lives in between worlds, hoping they would now be able to feel more present in their son's life.

In the excitement of all that had happened, Sebastian's birthday crept up quickly, and he was soon a toddler, looking to be an almost carbon copy of his father.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the couple, another toddler sat waiting in the vegetable patch.

March - Second Summer - Year Five

I feel like I need to mention that all of these plantsims are happening naturally and I haven't cheated any of them. Some how after playing with seasons for over a decade and never having a plantsim, we've had four in three generations. I can only think I must have some mod that is causing it, but if so I have no idea which one it is. I'm honestly baffled by the whole thing. My headcanon is that the Thorne family is blessed with the Plantsim genes (and those that marry in are too).

Initially I was just planning for this to be a simple round, with Louisa maybe getting a promotion and falling pregnant again, but the luck of the plantsim had different ideas! Honestly I was a little mad at first, this wasn't in my plan at all for this family. But, given Nevellin is a family sim, this gives me a chance to play with plantsim toddlers for the first time! (Ásta and Ariel never rolled the want to spawn one, but Nevellin did straight away!) - It's so fun to still be discovering and playing with new mechanics in this gave after 18 years! Gotta love sims 2!

[ranveer--singh]

The nights are tasteless without you: part 9 ~ Ari Levinson Fic

A/N - This is my first proper multiple chapter story which came to me while watching a Bollywood movie. It is set in Mumbai India where Ari is a professor at a university meets a person of colour - Marathi girl at the train station. There will be other Chris Evans characters as professors and Henry Cavill   characters as professors  

Warning: Please read this before reading the story. 18+, smut, sex… etc

*3rd date*

For the 3rd date, they took a stroll through Juhu Beach with Ari holding a picnic basket. They found the perfect spot, opened up the blanket and sat down to enjoy the view and each other's company.

*5th date*

With both of their schedules being tight, they both ended up having late-night coffee on Marine Drive. They sit down and over the sea, with the Moon's reflection. Soft music played in the background as they both played cards, Maddy beating him. 

*8th date*

Ari planned a date at Sanjay Gandhi National Park, and they both spent the day together looking at the birds, mammals, reptiles, amphibians, and butterflies. Both of them loved nature, and Maddy took loads of pictures. 

*12th date* 

It was the weekend; after a long week they decided to stay at Maddy's and order in. Ari was excited to see the inside of her house, and see what she likes. 

He arrived at 7pm with kingfisher beer and hugged Maddy. Ari sat on the sofa with her, deciding on what to order, both agreeing on some pizza and vada pav. While waiting for the food to arrive, they talked, Maddy, moving closer to Ari. He started to move closer to her, making Maddy blushed, leaning in to kiss his soft pink lips. 

Ari moaned; her perfume made his body tingle while he wrapped his arms around her. They were kissing like crazy, like their life depended on it. His tongue slips inside her mouth, softly but passionately, and it was nothing Maddy had experienced. Her fingers went to grip his hair, pulling him closer to her.

His musky scent made her stomach churn, and her heart beat fast. Ari smirked and pushed her backwards, lying on the sofa, making out. All he wanted was Maddy; the weight of his body on top of hers made her go crazy. She could feel everything press against her; Maddy inhaled his shaving cream, his shampoo and his different scent. 

It was the most delicious smell she could ever imagine. Maddy wanted to breathe him in, lick him, eat him and, of course, drink him. Ari's lips tasted like honey; his face had a beard rubbed against her skin. Maddy loved that feeling, making her pussy wet just thinking about it. Ari's hands were everywhere, exploring her body when their heated make-out session got interrupted by the doorbell. 

They laughed, Ari, getting up from the sofa to get the food. His stomach started to rumble, smelling the food in his hands. Ari placed the food on the table, leaning down to kiss Maddy again before grabbing a pizza slice.

After the food was finished and the boxes were cleared away, Ari looked at Maddy before asking her a question. 

"So we've been hanging out for a little while, and I'm starting to have feelings for you. Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

"Yes, I would love to," Maddy says, jumping on him and giving Ari the most passionate kiss. The kiss got heated, and Ari started to move his lips up to her neck, he kissed her sweet spot making her moan as her fingers gripped onto his hair. Their make out session made them both hungry for one another. But Ari didn't want to rush anything so stepped away and looked at the time, it was 12am and he kissed her once again before heading home. 

It's been a month since they became girlfriend and boyfriend, and they both couldn't be happier. Ari couldn't stop talking to her, reading to her and, of course, making out with her. 

Ari had invited Andy and his wife over for dinner to meet Maddy, his Maddy, and his girlfriend. They both decided to cook for them, making naan, bhindi and dal. Maddy cleaned his front room setting everything up, biting her lip at domestic Ari. 

She liked that he kept his house in tip top shape, it had character and felt homely. Ari had bought some fancy wine as well as some sweets they could share together. 

It was 7.30pm when the doorbell rang, Ari was wearing dark jeans and a denim shirt. Maddy wore a simple berry red pair of jeans and a white and gold detailed blouse. Ari went to open it, greeting Andy with a hug while he gave Y/N a kiss on the cheek.

"This is for you," Andy said, handing over the gift to Ari which was a bottle of wine and some homemade biscuits Y/N had made. 

"Thanks buddy, let me introduce you to my girlfriend Maddy," Ari said, his hand on her back, smiling at her. Andy and Y/N said hi, both hugging her. Ari poured some glasses of wine, handing it around with some nibbles.

He could see Maddy was nervous, bouncing her leg sitting next to him. Ari while talking to Andy put his hand on her knee to calm her down, squeezing it from time to time. Maddy and Y/N started to chat, talking about India and then Ari got up,

"Let's go eat," he said, rubbing his hands together. Everyone got up and headed to the dining table, sitting down as Maddy brought the hot daal. She served everyone some food, sitting down to eat, watching Ari chew was turning her on.

Dinner was a success, Andy and Y/N loved spending time with Ari and Maddy. Andy enjoyed speaking to Maddy, learning about her interests. He could tell she was right for Ari and hoped they enjoyed one another. Andy and Y/N left, leaving Maddy and Ari to clear up.

[seafoamchild]

january is a rough month. it feels like it's been january for like 3 weeks but it's only the 9th. the grey skies and general lack of color and warmth really gets me down. i feel like i'm always tired no matter how much i sleep. i feel so lacking in energy and motivation. and i feel so ugly too. i started using retinol on my face and i'm going through the "purge" period where my skin is breaking out. i really hope it'll get better after this. cuz having acne again is not chill. i'm not as self conscious about it as i once was, but i really do feel a little ugly. and i'm still reckoning with the changes in my body. i've definitely gained weight and sometimes i feel okay about it and other times (like now) i just can't believe it and i get into these shame spirals. i'm going to the gym a lot and still eating relatively well but i just feel very unattractive and blah.

i'm doing dry january too and i'm not sure if it's the right choice but i'm going to try it. it's only january 9th and i feel like it's been SO LONG and i want to drink SO BAD. no powders either. i have been thinking about my substance abuse issues for a while now and i think taking a break is necessary. i need to reassess my relationship with alcohol. i think getting out of the service industry would help a lot. i just hate that getting fucked up seems so necessary to have fun in so many situations. this is so hard.

a good thing is that i'm having a lot of fun with T. the more i get to know him the more i like him. he's funny, smart, willing to try new things, emotionally intelligent, social, kind, caring, doesn't take himself too seriously, a good listener, and a really loyal friend. he has a good heart. i'm really happy with him. we're doing dry january together and we've had so much fun going on adventures and cooking and watching weird documentaries. we're going to chicago next weekend and i'm really excited. he treats me the way i deserve to be treated and i hope i'm doing the same for him.

it just scares me a little because i still want to move to another city, even if it's just for a little while. and i don't want a boyfriend to hold me back. and i feel like it's too soon to ask if he wants to come with me. there are so many uncertainties. i tend to get so invested in relationships so quickly. so i need to talk about this in therapy.

i'm also still having the same issues with insomnia that i had with luke. every time we slept in the same bed i could not fall asleep. like at all. it's insane. i took a lunesta the last time T stayed over and i don't think i slept. like my body just will not let me be unconscious and i don't know why. it's absolutely maddening. i can't understand why this is happening and i'm so frustrated with people telling me to have a bedtime routine or to try meditating or take fucking melatonin. i know they're just trying to help but it's clearly a much deeper issue and i need professional help. my psychiatrist hasn't done anything helpful except prescribe me lunesta. i made an appointment with a sleep specialist but it's not til the third week of february. it's so fucking exhausting and annoying to want to just spend the night with T and i get up the next day feeling like absolute shit because i didn't sleep. i hate it i hate it i hate it!!!!!!!

also i was in barcelona for christmas. it was so much fun. it honestly felt strange to be back in that city. familiar but not. i spent a lot of time there in 2016 and it was weird to be like, oh i remember eating breakfast in that mcdonald's with my friend hashi more than seven years ago. or how i used to take the blue line on the metro to crazy denise's house where i was living. but this time we balled out and spent so much money on food! christmas dinner was the best meal i've ever had in my life. and we went to museums and went on a roadtrip and saw castles and drank a lot of vermouth and reveled in the sunlight and laughed until we cried every single day. i really loved that trip.

i was somewhat of a control freak on the trip because i planned everything, but no one else seemed that interested in planning anyway. i don't know. i've been thinking about my flaws as a person. i'm super laid back sometimes and then so controlling other times. i'm so impatient. i think i'm better than everyone sometimes. i need praise and reassurance. maybe i just have a big, fragile ego. sometimes i feel like i'm selfish. but you know, none of us are perfect. i am trying. and this is where i'm at.

[choco-strawberry-vanilla]

So, life Update: June 2023

I'll soon be 25 and still haven't managed to finish uni due to extenuating financial reasons my family put me into before I was 18 haha.

Grandma died in early 2021 and yea, took me abt a year to be able to laugh out loud again and I still struggle with smiling on pictures n stuff. Planning on getting a Monarch Butterfly tattoo in her honour bc we were gonna get one together before she died and then she chickened out.

Was supposed to get a job permit (I'm a foreigner living in another country) over a year ago and GUES THE FUCK WHAT??? the legal assistant I paid to a year ago told me just yesterday that his mentor (the one giving his legal power for everything, will explain if needed) PLAYED DEAD AND MADE A PUBLIC POST ABOUT HIS FUNERAL AND THE AUTHORITIES SAW THAT AND DELETED MY CASE FROM THE WORK MINISTRY. The bastard didn't tell me anything for the year he was supposedly processing everything and I had to chew him out over the phone until he told me everything.

*he now re-submitted everything, and I'm supposed to get it in abt 5 months*

ONTO GOOD NEWS

I have been in a relationship with C since Oct. 2018, been living together for more than a year now, and we're getting a house together (under their name bc I'm hillariously inellegible for ANY sort of loans or mortgages). We're expecting news from the real estate agency so we can sign the final docs and get our keys.

Along with that, we've been in a poly relationship with a wonderful guy from the UK, J, for almost 2 years. He's come to visit us once (for a whole month) and we spent Christmas and New Year's together at his place.

While at his place, I got a daith piercing (very pretty) and C got their ears pierced (looks very cute with them hehe). Sadly, I had to get my daith out bc I had to take and emergency CATscan and the piercing was too fresh to replace jewelery for a silicone one (and it was 3am when I got the scan, too lmao).

No worries abt the scan tho. Been having chronic, debilitating migraines since I was 19. Never paid them much attention bc no drs would take them seriously. CAT came out normal and neurologist put me on some new treatment to help prevent them (not working tho haha)

Good news is: if they put me under disability, I'll get 25% plane ticket discounts and meds, so I guess that's good reward from life, considering I really cannot even keep a job for more than 2 months bc of the migraines.

ANYWHO

Once C and I get all the pertaining docs for the house, we can move in right away and abt a month after that, I'll go stay with J for 6 months (stayed 3 last time).

My cats (Alcaparra and Oliva) are now 3 and 4 years old, respectively. They are super pampered, and I plan on taking them with me once we move to the UK with J EVENTUALLY.

I'm very excited abt having our own place, where I can use a drill at 3am or whenever I want nyehehehehe.

Since I'm not working (for legal and medical reasons), I mostly do lil housewife chores like cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, feeding the cats, doing dishes, meal-prepping, and running errands.

Things are still far from perfect, and I'm struggling a lot with my self-value without a job. I'm very lucky to have kind and understanding partners who are willing to take care of me and let me take care of them in return. Talking with friends also helps a lot, even if I have lacked the social energy to be able to consistently hang out with them for more than 3 years.

That's it for the almost-quarter-of-century life update!

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

Halloween brings up so many layers of memories.

The fog of amnesia that engulfs my childhood makes it harder to make sense of things, to try to put them in order.

As a small child we trick-or-treated in homemade costumes. One year a crayon. Another year an m&m. I remember through pictures I've seen a hundred times. No real memories other than the photos in scrapbooks.

At some point, as my parents got more involved in the church, they decided Halloween was a satanic holiday and we were no longer allowed to participate. We spent each year with the lights off and curtains drawn to avoid trick-or-treaters. No more costumes or candy, though we did start going to the "harvest festival" at the church, a sad, half-hearted event meant to shut the kids up about missing Halloween.

The first time I dressed up again was for a friend's sweet 16. Her birthday was near Halloween so she had a costume party. I got away with it bc it wasn't directly tied to Halloween. After that, I found ways to dress up each year as I rebelled more against my parents.

Freshman year of college, just a few months after meeting, my now husband and our partner planned a group costume together. We spent the month before Halloween finding things at the thrift store and altering them into our costumes. We won a costume contest in the dorms. Group costumes became our thing.

Then, eleven years ago, I went out to one of the bars for Halloween and the guy I took home raped me. The costume I'd worn that night was taken as evidence so I pulled together another costume for taking my youngest sibling-in-law trick-or-treating a couple days later.

Since then, Halloween has been a time of conflicting emotions and struggles. The joy and excitement we found in reclaiming Halloween after years of being prevented from celebrating still lingers, but clashes harshly with the dread of flashbacks and increased struggles. But we've continued to celebrate. We refuse to let this be taken from us again.

The PTSD hasn't been as bad this year. This is also the first time in over 15 years I'm not doing anything to celebrate. Between weddings and moving, we just didn't have time or money to make costumes this year. I miss dressing up but I'm relieved the trauma stuff has been easier.

[izzy-b-hands]

Viago: So, as you know, since Katherine and I opened up our relationship-

Cut to a shot of Katherine surrounded by shirtless vampires, though by their trouser style and still-on cravats, they're all clearly from the same time period as Viago. She has a Type.

Viago: We've both been exploring lots of new feelings and new wants and well...

He blushes as Anton pops up behind him, waving.

Viago: One of my new wants is...Anton! Actually, the only new one so far-

Deacon, unseen in background: What about that orgy we all had?! I thought you had fun at the orgy?

Viago: I did, but I spent most of it with Katherine and Anton! (to camera, whispered) I think his memory is going the older he gets; what a shame.

Deacon: It is not, and I can hear you, you know!

Viago: I can come say it to your face-

Anton: Hey, hey! There's no need. It's alright. You're both just riling each other up now.

Viago: We are, we are. You're so good at that!

Anton: I lead a conflict resolution class, actually. Only once a month though.

--

We cut to a shot outside of a plain looking building. A foldable sign out front lists the time for a new night session of Anton's conflict resolution class.

Another shot through an open window shows a circle of people of all sorts sat together, including Anton, speaking to everyone, and a delighted Viago watching him.

Back to our talking heads, outside of the building while the class participants walk to their respective cars/transport.

Anton: It was really well attended, better than the late afternoon sessions! I might start holding more of them at night. Well, as long as my teaching assistant can come along.

Viago: I think he could make that happen.

They kiss, softly and briefly, before a nervous and giggly look to the camera. Clearly this is their first time kissing on camera in front of the crew.

--

An intermission type card tells us a week has passed. We then cut to a shot of the vampires' home at night, windows lit up with light and sound. Loud sounds. Potentially bad sounds.

Viago, clothes torn: So, things are okay! I know they don't seem like it, but-

A crash interrupts him, and a shirtless and bloody Anton falls down the stairs into the foyer.

He stands, looking absolutely like shit, and limps over to cling to Viago.

Anton: It'll be over soon, yeah?

Viago: Yeah. Just your body dying, and unfortunately it still hurts. You think the worst of it is passed?

Anton nods.

Viago: Okay, we'll get you a bath-

Anton whines, slightly dog-like in nature (think a v sweet golden retriever that for whatever reason really does not want a bath.)

Viago: I know, but you're a mess, my love!

Docu Crew Member: Did...did he ask you to turn him?

Viago and Anton nod.

Anton: Not sure what being a vampire and werewolf will be like. But I was sick of our schedules never matching up, and I already can't do things during the day too close to the full moon.

Cut to B roll footage clearly taken over multiple days, in the day time, near the full moon. Each brief shot shows Anton stopping to scratch against things like a dog, barking at a cat while people walk past him and stare, and finally him chasing a squirrel through a park.

Anton: So, I thought hey! Why not make it so we can spend time together more often, and I can get a night shift job and just take days off near the full moon as needed!

Viago: I'm excited. We've got dates planned, some with Katherine, when she gets back from her cruise.

Cut to a shot of Katherine sat in a cruise ship's ballroom, taking shots from vampires of various genders, but all turned at a much older age like she was. They're dancing and supping on drug and alcohol infused blood and having the time of their lives.

Viago: But for now, it's the two of us.

They turn to gaze at each other, and Viago gently pushes the camera away as Anton kisses him hard and pulls him towards the stairs and presumably whichever bedroom wasn't completely wrecked while Anton finished turning from werewolf only to vampire/werewolf

The camera person hesitates a few steps towards the stairs, then thinks better of it, and the camera shuts off.