#i'm just paranoid of everything and doubt myself

[bernardsbendystraws]

Pink Petals

Chris Sturniolo x Reader

See pinned post for (series) masterlist and (oneshots) masterlist and more.

Summary: Chris had a past with a few girls who had left him burned. Y/n had succumbed to the utter tragedy of giving up on her high school sweetheart a while ago. Chris walks into Y/n’s flower shop, searching for  a bouquet of flowers for a girl. A blind date takes the lovelorn pair into fate’s hands. Chris isn’t holding back his true colors anymore. He’s a true romantic. Handwritten letters, cheesy compliments…and maybe some flowers. 

Warnings: 18+. This series contains mature themes, read at your own risk. (SMUT, angst, parental troubles, mentions of SA, financial hardships, and more. Don't like, don't read.) This warning is made for all parts.

A/N: To be added to the taglist, send a request in my inbox or comment on the pinned post. I'm far more likely to see requests sent to my inbox.

With love and big tits, Rose.

Part Three: Remember The Relief

The shop was cooler than usual. Vibrant petals seemed to glow with a hazy look as the sun peeped up from the horizon on the beach and in through the windows.

It was a good day. Opening went smoothly, the drawers added up perfectly with the amount of stock I had excluding the bouquet Chris and I had made for Madison. 

Chris. 

He had texted me. I had yet to respond to the message he sent last night. For some reason, it didn’t feel right. The magical potion had turned into poison in my mind. I had been paranoid. Every echo of his name left me with the same thought. 

He’s gonna hurt me. 

It was stupid. He hadn’t given me any reason behind the belief. The looming danger peddled from my past. Every right motion we had made seemed to be stopped as I slammed on the breaks in my mind. 

I couldn’t help it. 

Logic did little to cure my impending doom of anxious thoughts. I could reason with myself, bringing truth and facts as arguments fighting against the negative connotations. I just couldn’t seem to believe myself. Some part in my mind wouldn’t shut up. 

Too good to be true. 

A gentleman was what he was. He opened the doors for me, got me flowers, and even adjusted the air conditioning for me. Caring and sweet yet it somehow left a muddled pile of regret in my stomach. 

I couldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. I was assuming the worst. Every fantasy I played in my head about him at night somehow ended in a nightmare of horror. 

I hated it. I hated the fact that it had nothing to do with him. It had everything to do with me. It was my thoughts in my own head, my rubber heart protecting myself from someone who showed no ill intentions towards me. 

Tiring was what it was. I was exhausted from constantly checking in, reprogramming my thoughts. Part of me wanted to ghost him and never speak to him again. I wanted to pretend like he didn’t exist, but I couldn’t. 

For one, Madison and Austin were ecstatic after I had told them a couple brief details over the phone. Chris had dropped the bouquet off on his way back home after our date even though Madison’s home wasn’t exactly close. Especially not with LA traffic. He insisted on dropping me off beforehand, not wanting to keep me out too late. 

Sweet nectar suffocated me. I felt like I was choking on fresh air. 

I couldn’t pretend he didn’t exist. He lingered in my mind far more than I was willing to admit. The little I had seen of him was enticing. I was nervous for the second date. The excitement had fallen to a despair of rushing thoughts, and they weren’t exactly good. 

What if it went bad? 

What if it went even better?

Neither option did anything to appease to my anxiety. The see-saw teetered with wavering emotions, ones I couldn’t begin to understand. 

Opening my phone out of sheer boredom, his message illuminates the screen tauntingly. 

[ From Chris: How about we wait off on our little agreement? I really wanna take you somewhere else first… ]

I was deathly curious. The man had taken me mini-golfing for our first date–not that it was weird, it was just odd compared to most other dates I had been on. Usually, men wanted to perform. Take me out to a fancy dinner, hoping the night would end with me inviting them in. 

Chris was different. 

It didn’t feel like he was kissing me for more. When he was kissing me it felt like he was trying to know me somehow. It was as if my lips tangled stories with movement, finding their rhythm against him. It was like figuring out how I fit in his life, a glimpse of more. 

Part of me wandered to mindless thoughts of him through the past couple of days. He had texted me only a couple of times, but each time stayed the same. I found myself smiling down looking at his name on my screen before scolding myself. I had neglected some parts of my routine that I cherished, almost as if I was punishing myself for wanting more with him. 

I didn’t wanna get my hopes up. I didn’t want to be disappointed. Heartbreak hurts. I knew it hurt. Reminiscing of the night I stayed awake crying and hunched over a toilet from sadness played in a loop after thinking of Chris. 

Hearts could only take so much. I wasn’t confident my heart or my ego could be ripped apart and shredded into sand again. I didn’t wanna be washed away by the shore, picking up broken pieces of a puzzle, so insignificant in size that it was meaningless. Starting from a blank slate in early adulthood was nearly impossible. My heart couldn’t take another hit, let alone a blender of insecurity and depression. 

But, it was only one date. 

This was only the second date. 

It was stupid how fast my brain paced itself compared to the reality of the situation. There was no love to be lost, only opportunity. I had healed myself enough to admit I deserved an opportunity. I couldn’t hide in self isolation forever. 

I didn’t want to.

Even as a kid, I played with toys alone or tendered grandma’s garden by myself. Taylor was nearly ten years older than me. She had an entire life and moved out when she became an adult. Grandma’s health just wasn’t good enough to be wasting energy on anything other than the bare minimum. I felt bad bothering her, I wasn’t even her kid. Seeing Taylor so independent made me more reclusive. It was impossible for me to reach out and ask for help. 

I wanted more. The people I loved rarely knew much about me, but it wasn’t on them. It was on me. The only person I had ever given my vulnerability to had crushed it against push pins on the sidewalk. It was as if my body wouldn’t let me say a single thing that laid close to my heart. 

Grandma and Taylor had supported me after they found out about the breakup between Zach and I. Taylor called on a daily basis while grandma had checked in on me, making sure I ate and drank water. But, they didn’t know why. No one did. I couldn’t get the explanation to come out of my mouth. 

At first, I couldn’t even admit it to myself. Not until Zach had shoved the truth down my throat, right in front of my face. My mind no longer could find any reasoning or defense for his behavior. There never was any, but it took him making it so blatantly obvious for my brain to comprehend around the idea of leaving him. 

I felt so stupid and naive. Sometimes, I still did. 

Putting my heart in someone’s hands, even for a second, felt like a tragedy waiting to happen. I knew the outcome of getting hurt was far worse than healing from the other person’s actions. It also included the holes I had dug out from myself, trying to save the relationship. 

It first started with my mother. Then, I found it as a pattern with every friend I let walk over me and every single romance ever touched within my life. 

Maybe he would be next. 

Chris looked sweet and soft, but his stature also screamed an erotic nature that left me breathless. It drawed me in and pushed me out all at the same time. 

The door moving open brings in a swift breeze while triggering the bell. My eyes dart up from the now black screen of my phone to the entrance of my shop, smiling as I see a familiar face. 

Rebecca.

“Hey!” I greet, “--how’ve you been? I saw you with your man the other day…” I say in a sing-song voice. 

Rebecca smiles, sighing as she places her purse on the counter while resting her arms on either side of the leather bag. “Oh honey,” she drifts her eyes around the shop, leaning towards me with a grin. “--I saw you with your man.” 

My eyes go wide as I clear my throat, looking down at my black phone screen. “I–um,”

Before I get the chance to say a single word, Rebecca holds up a palm. “Nu-uh. No denying it, I know your cute ribbons from anywhere. Now, I was talking to Austin–since, you know, you didn’t wanna tell me yourself,” I let out a nervous laugh, shaking my head. “--and my boy told me lots, but I wanna know from you.” She points her finger up at my face as I go cross eyed trying to focus on the ligament. 

“I…” I look up between her finger and her piercing green eyes. Her wrinkled forehead intensifies the fine lines as she squints down at me. 

“Hun,” She lets her hand go limp with her elbow still propped up on the counter. “--I ain’t mad. I just…wanna know what you’re feeling–or thinking. I know you don’t talk about whatever happened, but I’ve never seen you with a guy.” I huff deeply at her words. “Especially one that cute…” she mumbles. 

My cheeks flush as I stare up at her. She bites down on her bottom lip with her eyes filled with a taunting mischief. “I’m teasing you, doll. But seriously–Austin showed me a picture and…damn. That’s all I gotta say.” She holds up her hands defensively as I shake my head with disbelief. 

“Rebecca, Rebecca….” I trail off. Cracking my knuckles against the counter, I see her flinch from the noise as I breath out a soft apology. “I…I don’t know what to think. He’s sweet. Honestly, from what I’ve seen, he’s everything I’ve always dreamed of, but….”

Rebecca quirks an eyebrow at me as my eyes drift to her face. With a deep sigh, I run my hands over my face. “I just feel like there has to be something wrong with him…I…I don’t know. It’s just…it’s just my brain comes up with every possible reason why this isn’t good and isn’t right for me. I–yeah, that’s the best I can explain how I’m feeling.” I express. 

My cold hands go stiff as I feel her warm hands slide under my own. As she grasps each of them tightly, her warmth grounds me. “Hey,” I look up, seeing her eyes looking between my own with a gentle tenderness. “--it’s okay to be scared. Just…don’t let your past haunt your present and future, okay? Be open, tell him!! He’ll either understand and try to help you…or you will have dodged a bullet.” she says. 

I nod, wrapping my mind around the integrity of her words. She was right. I hated that she was right. Even the thought of having an open and vulnerable conversation with Chris made my gut twist with anxiety. But, I knew I deserved to be loved and to have people I love. 

Plus, my pure spite of not letting one man ruin my life strung out a strong, bitter taste of determination. 

Chris wasn’t him. Chris wasn’t any guy I had met before. Therefore, they had no weight in adding to his personal record in my mind. He hadn’t done anything I didn’t like. Everything he had given me was something that urged me to push forward, even with the anxiety in my chest. 

“Thank you, I…thank you. I just, I really needed to hear that.” I say. 

Rebecca nods, squeezing my hands in her frail hold. She blows me an air kiss as she turns around to leave. “Anytime, darlin’, anytime.” Her hand lands on the door knob. She slowly turns around, pursing her lips as she gazes at the flower displays. 

With a questioning glance from me, Rebecca lets her eyes wander back over to mine. “Tell Austin I want purple flowers for mother’s day this time around, okay? Madison's bouquet was heavenly when I went over the other day. I can’t believe your talent, honestly.” she says. 

I hold back a smile, nodding as she waves goodbye while walking out the door. Sure, I made the bouquet, but it was Chris’s talent. He had taste, he had style. He seemed to have everything.

So why did he want me?

Shaking off the intrusive thought, I start gathering the receipts from today’s purchases in a pile. I stuff the stack of thin papers into the drawer. 

Why did I want him?

_

Every text I tried to type didn’t sound right. My reluctant fingers had yet to press send to a singular message. It had nearly been an entire 24 hours since he had sent the last text. 

But…what the fuck was I suppose to say? 

As I start to bring my fingers back to the keyboard, I nearly drop my phone as new text bubbles pop up in the chat. 

[ From Chris: Hey, could you call for a sec to figure out some details with me? Promise I won’t take up too much of your time :) ] 

My anxiety pulses my reaction, typing a quick ‘yes’ in the chat before I can think. As soon as I hit send, my eyes go wide with fear. 

I had ghosted him for nearly 24 fucking hours and then responded in less than five seconds to his next text? 

Fucking hell. 

My stomach dropped with a churn of dizziness. Catching me out of my thoughts, my phone begins to ring. I laugh at the PROFILE PICTURE he had sent me. Taking a deep breath, I swipe right on my screen, accepting the phone call.

I bring the device up to my ear, tilting the speaker away from my mouth in hopes my breathing isn’t too heavy. “Hey, I..I was just about to text you back.” I say. I cringe at the breathlessness in my voice, finding the pace of my breathing uneasy and irregular as if my body had forgotten the habit. 

The chuckle of his voice makes my hand clench into my shirt with a wave of emotions that make it hard to stay still. “Don’t worry, it’s okay, it’s okay!” He laughs. “I was just wondering when you were available and if, um, and if you like animals.” 

My face scrunches with confusion at his question. “I…um, well, I love animals, actually. I–”

“Thank. Fucking. God.” I hear him murmur. 

I laugh at his statement. “--and I’m available pretty much any time after work, but I don’t work Sunday’s since well–there is not much business down there on Sunday’s since most people go to church and shit.” I say. 

A moment of silence passes as I rethink my words. I bite into my lower lip, wishing I could reverse time as the tension breaks through the walls in my mind. 

Is he religious? Did I just offend him? 

“The only thing I worship is Pepsi,” he says. 

A laugh of relief espaces my lips as my weight sinks in evenly to my soft mattress covered by my pillowy white comforter. 

“I mean…even this Sunday? Like, tomorrow?” he presses. 

I furrow my eyebrows, bring my phone down in front of me to see that it is indeed Saturday somehow. I curl my arm, pressing the screen back up against my ear and letting out a small laugh. 

“Yeah, I, I mean–I didn’t even realize it was Saturday, actually.” I huff out. 

“Oh my god,” his contagious laugh tugs my lips into a cheek pulsing smile. “--I do that all the fucking time, bro!! I-fuck. Not bro, I mean–fuck.” 

I giggle at him cursing out beneath his breath. 

“I meant bro, like, romantically?” he says almost as if he was asking a question. 

My stomach clenches with inescapable giggles. I hear his chuckles echo my laughter softly, dying down as I start to catch my breath. 

“Bro-manitically.” I state, breaking out into a fight of laughter once more. 

I hear him groan into the phone with a playful annoyance, but his facade falls with a soft laugh. 

“I…god, you’re too cute.” he says. 

My lips sealed shut with an embarrassment coating my cheeks with a heavy pink at his statement. I feel my breath falter, becoming too aware of how much air was stuck in my chest as I cough and clear my throat. 

His laughter practically breaks the sound barrier ringing through the phone. “Oh, fuck! You–you,” he struggles to string the words together between the fits of giggles. “--you, oh my god, you’re adorable!” I blush even deeper at his statement. “--you shut up so fast, damn. All I gotta do is make you nervous, hm?” he teases. 

The muscles in my body react on their own, turning me on my side and then flipping me onto my back once more. My toes clench into the balls of my feet as I hear a multitude of cracks announce themselves in the room, hoping the sound is too quiet and far for the phone to pick up on. 

“I…” Licking over my teeth, my mind goes numb. 

“Sorryyy, I’ll stop teasing you.” His promise leads my legs to fumble over one another, rubbing on the skin in hopes of reliving the anxious pulsation of my nerves throughout my body. “Can I pick you up tomorrow at like…noon? Would that be okay?” he asks. 

I hum delicately. “Yes, more than okay. I…what should I be wearing? Same dress code as last time?” 

The sound of Chris clicking his tongue on the roof of his mouth sends my mind into a frenzy. “Uh, yeah. But, wear whatever you feel most comfortable in. Maybe some fucking gloves for your ice hands.” he jokes. 

I laugh in response. “Okay, will do. I got a whole bin full of gloves at my disposal since, ya know, I live in fucking LA.” I retorted

“Wait–” Chris suddenly falls silent as I listen intently. My heart clammers in my chest as I hear him let out a rough huff of air. “Don’t worry about the gloves, I wanna be warming up your hands.” he flirts. 

My tongue cries for mercy as my teeth clench down on the soft muscle. The saliva building in my mouth seems to drown me as I find myself at a loss for holding back my own words that first come to mind. 

“Shut the fuck upppp!!” I reply, dragging out the words with a whine playfully. 

“Why, hm?” Chris says. “--making you too nervous over there?” he taunts. 

I fight the urge to turn my body into the pillows beneath my head and suffocate myself. With a heavy sigh, I clench my fist into my stomach. 

“Chris!!!” I exclaim. 

His laugh brings my stomach to a calm sensation as it tears through the tension. 

“--sorry, sorry. I’ll pick you up at 12. Wear whatever and…I’m, uh, I’m excited to see you.” he remarks. 

I pout admirably at his soft confession.

“I…I’m excited to see you too.” I reply. 

I hear him let out a breathy sigh. “Well,” I frown, not ready to let his voice fade from my ear. “I’ll text you, but have a good rest of your day.” he says. 

Finding myself leaning into my phone, I clutch the device tighter. “I, you too. Thanks for calling, see you soon.” I say. 

I wanna see him now. 

The anticipation builds as I listen closely. “Alright, see you soon, bye.” he says. I hold onto the words, letting them sink into my chest as the line goes dead. Letting my phone drop from my grasp, I stare up at the ceiling while closing my eyes tightly. 

His voice seemed like a melody my heart seemed to find a rhythm with. Grounding myself, I realized my breath had evened out to a soft pace, a light feathery feeling lingering in my stomach from the conversation. 

Now, what the fuck do I wear? 

_

A quiet Sunday morning had been painted with chaos as I strayed clothes all over my floor. In utter frustration, I had facetimed Madison. However, I had not expected her to have company–let alone company that had a face nearly identical to Chris’s. 

Nick was fucking funny. I could see how Madison felt so relaxed and enthralled by his presence. He was very different from Chris. Their voices were not even close to one another, the humor and jokes were on completely different levels from each other, but…Nick was someone I wanted to know more too. 

He was genuine. The admission of Chris going to Nick for approval of his own outfit left me a giggling mess and relieved some of the pressure while talking to Nick himself. He felt like a friend the way he let out jokes and random questions that made me scrunch my face with utter confusion. 

“Chris is fucking lucky. I hope he doesn’t screw this up, but if he does…can we still be friends?” Nicks asks. 

I promised to continue the friendship, completely unseriously. Someone so close to Chris, one of the closest people to him–wanted to be my friend. And that…that left me with a form of validation that made picking an outfit a lot easier. 

With the help of the pair and Austin’s approval, I had settled on a simple outfit. I had put on a cargo mini-skirt and a mostly plain top, layering jewelry to make the outfit seem more put together. My legs were impossibly soft, something I took pride in as I indulged into my self care routine. 

Maybe he’ll want to touch them. 

Part of me imagined his hands tracing on my body, getting addicted to the feeling of my skin underneath his fingertips. It wasn’t just sexual. I imagined a cozy night spent watching movies with his hands mindlessly tracing over my skin. 

Hanging up the phone, I finished getting ready before settling on the couch. The doorbell of my condo sounds. My feet travel happily towards the door, twisting the knob open to reveal Chris on the other side. My eyes catch his own, a smile mirroring on both of our faces in sync. 

“Hi.” he breathes out. 

I suck the flesh on the inside of my cheek in hopes of relieving an ounce of the swarming butterflies in my stomach. “Hey.” I say back. 

His eyes fall downwards, leaving mine as I glance down. I let out a small giggle looking at the bouquet of flowers in his hands. Magenta and lavender baby’s breath with a couple of white roses wrapped in a brown paper with a silk cream ribbon wrapped around the stems rest in his clasped hold. 

“You didn’t!” I exclaim. He reaches out the bouquet as I pull it into my own grasp. “Here, come in. I’ll put these away real quick.” I announce. 

He nervously looks from side to side before stepping in as I turn around and race joyfully to the kitchen. My feet bounce off the ground admiring the floral scene in my hands. 

“You can sit on the couch or something, I’ll just be a minute.” I proclaim. 

Chris nods, sliding his hands on his jeans before collapsing softly onto the sofa. I walk around the couch, my eyes darting to the back of his head. My fingers pulse seeing him in my home. Usually, I would feel on-guard. Other people entering my safe space had always felt uncomfortable. But, as I turned back and pranced into the kitchen, I was filled with warmth. 

Filling a vase with water and flower food, I carefully begin to untie the ribbon and brown paper around the bouquet. 

“This is…very sweet. You really didn’t have to. I mean, I have an endless supply of flowers at the tips of my fingers.” I joke. 

I watch his arm sling over the back of the sofa. His soft brown hair shines in the sunlight beaming through the window as he turns to look behind at me. I quickly avert my gaze to the task at hand while carefully pulling the delicate flowers into a steady arrangement. 

“I know, but…it’s the thought that counts, right?” he points out. 

I blush at my words being reflected from his own voice. The day we met splashes into my thoughts with endearment. I maneuver the vase to the center of the kitchen counter and carefully analyze the placement of the sunlight peeking through the window, making sure to not fry the delicate petals with the blistering California sun. 

“I….you seem to have a really good memory.” I admire the given fact out loud. 

Quickly rinsing off my hands, I start wiping them off on a kitchen towel. My eyes meet his, my actions coming to a slow motion as my mind blanks. Something in his eyes touches a part of me that hadn’t been reached before. I felt as if I was on fire yet surrounded by cool water at the same time. 

Relief. 

“Actually, I typically don’t. But, I guess I…I guess I just pay more attention to you.” he mumbles under his breath. 

I barely heard the statement. My ears clung to the confession with a grasping desire. Gorgeous waves of sunlight felt freezing compared to the warmth of his words callusing around every pore of my body. It was unfamiliar. It was a little frightening. 

But, I couldn’t help but want more. 

Clapping my hands together, I start making my way towards the door. Chris stands up, walking past me and onto the doormat. 

“I really hope you’ll like what I have planned for today.” he states. 

I fiddle with the door knob, checking if the key had twisted enough to lock the door completely. Finding reassurance through the lack of movement with the handle, I turn around. As my body takes a step forward before I look up, I bump into a hard chest. His chest. 

“Oh–sorry.” I exclaim with wide eyes. 

His hands had warped around my body, supporting my weight as the palms of my hands pushed against his chest for stability. I swallow nervously. I watch as he sends me a small smile. His eyebrows crinkle with an unknown emotion as I find myself vanishing from reality  in the depths of his gaze. 

No one has ever looked at me like that before. 

No one has ever held me like this before. 

Romantic endeavors weren’t foreign to me. But, this? This was. Nothing about this was familiar. Nothing about Chris’s breath fanning onto my face created a feeling known to my brain. My mind fell silent as the tension turned into a bubble of emotion. 

“You’re, you’re fine.” he whispers out. 

Neither of us move. The moment lasts forever as my thoughts run straight to a seated position. The gentle fear of him noticing my racing heart against his chest disappears, turning into a fantasy. 

I want him to feel it. I want him to feel me. 

Fully dressed yet I had never felt so bare. 

“I,” I sigh out, running my fingers soothing against his chest. I watch as his eyes flutter shut with a relaxed expression. “--I’ll love whatever it is.” I let my hand wander up. The skin beneath it trails with soft hairs becoming stiff with goosebumps. I smile watching the effect I have on him as his eyes slowly open with a dazed expression. 

“Yeah?” he presses. 

I nod. My fingers come to a stop as I swivel my thumb along his jawline. I feel the bone clench quickly under my touch before releasing and his head resting further into my hold. “Yeah, I mean, it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?” I taunt. 

My squinted eyes reflect onto his facial expression as a grin tugs on his lips. His tongue darts over the soft muscle. I feel my tongue pulsate in my mouth, saliva building up as I swallow roughly. 

His warm touch clasps over my hand with his, pulling it into a tight hold as he interlocks our fingers and lets them swing between our sides. “Yeah,” we walked over to the passenger side of his car. He opens the door, dropping my hand and moving his palm to the small of my back to guide me in. “--it is.” he finishes, closing the door softly as I shift comfortably in the seat of his car. 

Safe and sound, yet completely clueless. 

As he sits in the car and switches the engine on with a soft rumble, he holds out an aux cord. “Wanna play your music?” he offers. 

I nod shyly, taking the cord from his hold. Our fingers brush slightly. My cold skin burns warmly with his touch. Plugging in my phone, I press play as the music begins to sing through the car. 

Setting my phone down in my lap, I look forward. In my peripheral vision, I notice his hands darting to the controls. 

“Too cold? Or is that just the hands still?” he says, hovering his fingers over the air conditioning. 

I shake my head. “No, I’m good. Just the hands, but thank you.” I say. 

He nods, placing both of his hands on the steering wheel. Reversing out of the parking spot with ease, he puts the car into drive. 

A moment of silence deters my attention to him. His head is pointed downward, one hand on the steering wheel as the other rubs nervously against his jean-clad thigh. 

“Are you okay?” I ask. 

His gaze shifts towards me with a reassuring smile. “I, yeah, I’m okay. I just…maybe I could hold your hand if you’re okay with that?” 

Chris holds out his hand, his open palm resting on the center console. I hold back a tooth-rotting grin, settling for a warm smile as I slide my hand into his grip. His fingers fold back on my hand sweetly, the pad of his thumb starting to draw circles as the car starts moving forward. 

“--I’m more than okay with that.” I cheer. 

I look out the side window, avoiding his stare as the car rolls to a halt at the stop sign. Feeling his eyes on me, my finger nimble and twitches subconsciously. His hand squeezes around mine tighter. 

“Good, because I really, really wanted to.” he says. 

My mouth stays closed as I try to will the words out of my mouth. 

‘I wanted that too.’ 

They stay locked in my lips as my heart hammers in my chest. I look over at him, seeing his focused gaze on the road. My eyes wander downward, seeing our intertwined hands as a fuzzy feeling settles in my head. 

My mind isn’t screaming that this wasn’t ‘right’ for once. It was as if his touch had put a silence to the consuming subconscious and beliefs that I had run marathons too while away from him. 

It didn’t feel ‘right,’ but it didn’t feel wrong either. 

All I knew was that it felt good. 

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[haziells]

do you want to give up?

The other day I really realized and these words entered into me: "I am the goddess of my reality."

I had heard many times that the internal world generates the external world (4d=3d) and that you have to wait for the 3d to adjust/change, persist.

It gave me a headache thinking about having to wait to have what I want in my 3D and I decided that if I am the Goddess of my reality I can have it instantly and not wait or persist.

So that's what I did, I didn't wait a second, I just said 3 things that I wanted and that I don't give a shit about getting them but that I already have them and I'm not going to wait even half an hour to see them in my 3d reality.

So in just a few minutes I received the 3 things I asked for. I was really surprised, but that made me think, "I really am a goddess of my reality."

Don't limit God. Do you really realize all that we can do? All that we can achieve just by trusting that we have plenty of power and that we are the ones in charge?

My experience with the void state

the day after doing that and really thinking about everything that goes into being a God and creating and uncreating everything I wanted in seconds, I really felt so powerful and confident in myself, I went for a sit down and thought "I'm going to enter the void state, because the void state is me, it's my conscience, I'm just me and there's nothing easier than being me." I felt physically tired because I had had many exams so I said "my body is going to sleep but I will go directly to my consciousness in its purest state"

I fell asleep, woke up in the void state, said I have everything I wrote on my "special sheet"

I woke up and seconds after realizing that at that moment I should have everything right there I saw how everything began to change around me, Yes, the 3D began to change and shape before my eyes, I almost died of fear, I'm not going to lie to you, I felt all the energy spinning and shaping, I felt such a big current inside me, as if a cascade of energy was flowing inside me and I was just floating, but it was all there, it was very strange for me, I didn't know that could happen.

I was a little paranoid the following days (actually this happened very recently and I have already felt better for a few days)

It was shocking to see that the third dimension is simply an illusion so easy to change, having witnessed that, I felt unrealized. I didn't know how to distinguish between what is real and what is not, but now I know how easy everything is and you have to know it too, believe in yourselves, just like I believed in myself, really.

When you have doubts about something, remember that you are gods in your reality and you know everything that being a God implies, how easy everything is.

I don't know how else to tell you to trust in yourselves, to believe everything, after what happens I don't see anything impossible, don't you either, just right now believe in the life you've always wanted.

[llitchilitchi]

dumb little comic based off this

some extra thoughts under the cut

this started as a silly joke because I sincerely adore this meme and after reading the tags in the reblogs I couldn't help myself. but while drawing all the scales on their linothoraxes I started thinking about this more

now, as confident as Alexander was, everyone has doubts every once in a while, and he would probably be proud enough to cover the true deeper meaning of these insecurities under something silly (or poetic. he would probably quote Euripides for all we know.) 'would you still love me as a worm?' - would you still love me if I wasn't the great king? would you still love me if I wasn't your commander? would you still love me if I lost a battle? would you still love me if I lost the war? would you still love me if I lost my kingship now? would you still love me if I was crippled in battle, if I could no longer lead and fight? would you still love me if I was no longer the richest, most powerful man in the world? would you still love me if I was a soldier, if I was a servant, a slave? would you still love me if I was a worm?

it was one thing for them to be friends and lovers in youth, quite another once he proved himself undefeatable time and time again, after he took Egypt and Babylon and Persepolis. and with people he considered close betraying him, he'd grow.... anxious, I think. I don't want to say outright paranoid, but he likely worried that the people he cares for deeply no longer loved him, and only pretended to for his favour, which meant everything in his new empire. he likely had such thoughts more often the further he got in life. or maybe I'm just projecting, who knows. either way this was an interesting thing to consider.

[candyskiez]

usually I hate possession plots but god,I love the possessed hunter plot. because it's just so painfully resonant as an abuse victim. especially to anyone who's been abused by bigots.

like. this outside force you once loved, you spent so much of your time trying to please, so much of your time begging for the approval of, isolates you. they cause you to grow paranoid and angry, snapping at people and pushing you away from your support system. makes you seem crazy to your loved ones, making them doubt your mental health and making you question your sense of reality because you can't tell what's real or not anymore (gaslighting, baby!) you're cut off and overwhelmed. you get put in situations where you're forced to do things you don't want to, you're in so much pain, you're being treated like something with no wants or thoughts of their own. you're stripped of your autonomy. you're belittled for what you wanted and told THIS is how you're supposed to be, and you're so miserable. you're pitted against your loved ones. your abuser tries to make all your loved ones hate you so you come back to them, so they don't lose you. and belos being a horrifically realistic portrayal of an IRL abuser makes this so much worse. he craves Caleb's attention and tries to force hunter to fill that void. nevermind HES the one who robbed himself of caleb in his life by killing him. he tries to make hunter his shoulder to cry on, his therapist, his punching bag, his doctor. uses him to look at himself and go "see! look how good I'm doing! my family is back and he finally loves me again!" , he is obsessive and horrible and cruel and so horrifically realistic. he strips hunter of his autonomy, and in the shit that will start sounding familiar to people who grew up in bigoted families:

forced him out of what made him most comfortable. literally grew out his hair against his will, treated how he'd changed his body and wardrobe to make himself more comfortable as something that tainted him.

also just. holy shit the violating him like that. just the fucking undertones. it's fucking horrific.

and that's why him fighting back is so huge. because he has the strength to say, no. fuck you, no. this is my goddamn body. this is my goddamn life. he takes all these things he LOVED. he loved, that belos had taught him he was sinful and a horrible person for not despising (hm, allegories) and says, fuck you, I WANT this. I want this, I love this, you tried to teach me to hate it but I don't. I love it. I love it, and you didn't break me. I want to leave the coven, I want to leave you. you hurt me, and I said sorry. you used me, and I said sorry. I am done being sorry. I am done feeling bad. I want this life you're trying to take from me. I want to go to the boiling isles and I want to have a life there, in that world you hate so much. I want to go to the boiling isles and be sinful and disgusting and everything you hate and I will love it. I will be happy. I will be free and everything you hate. and I miss when I thought I could please you, because it was simple. but I am happier as a heretic and as a sinner, and you can't change me. I tried to change myself for you, I just ended up miserable. you can't make me something I'm not. I tried. and I am done trying. I am hunter. fuck you, my name is hunter. my name is hunter, and you hurt people. it doesn't matter if you were trying to help me. you hurt me. and I am done, and I am leaving, and most of all I will never let you hurt anyone else like you hurt me.

and he fucking got it, man. he fucking got it. he went through HELL and he still came back swinging. the death feels symbolic to me almost? losing a part of you in traumatic events and you have to live without that part. and you got out but you lost pieces of you in the process, and that stays with you.

but he keeps going. he kept fucking going man and THAT is fucking amazing to me. he kept going. ohhh my god. I wish I had this when I was 13. hunter isn't as massive of a hyperfixation for me anymore by a long shot, but goddamn. I love this dude. I LOVED the possession scene so fucking much and it will always resonate with me so, so hard.

[thecrumpler]

Suddenly, Snow poff. It's just... here now.

this ask is pretty old but i want to post my stupid thoughts

i first started reading sparklecare in about early 2023, right after i had nearly died in a house fire. trying to cope with the fact i had almost died, i found sparklecare through an artist i had found online featuring uni. i got curious about it and checked out the comic where i would then find a sparklecare discord (not the official one but one that has now been since deleted) i had some people with the same interests and got curious about posting my terrible sparklecare art on twitter. it got the attention of kneeby and i followed them when i realized they were on twitter at the time where kneeby would post this on their twitter.

i'm a pretty unserious person most of the time. deeply unserious, so in support of kneeby i had created a joke comic agreeing with them.

kit didn't appreciate it and vague posted about me which got me extremely paranoid and self conscious about myself for an extremely long time knowing the creator of something you like doesn't like you.

"how do you know it was about you?"

because i was the only one who made a joke comic about it. without a shadow of a doubt kit was complaining about me.

if you're curious about the "memes" in question here it is.

i would continue posting sparklecare art despite these feelings until around 2024 when vol 4 released. (worst volume in the reboot) [<- has not read vol 5] me in a private friend circle would talk about grievances for vol 4 and just how agressively mid it was. it was so mid it just made me quit sparklecare all together and move onto other things.

a months later in 2025 in an entirely different group. in a completely unrelated piece of media, somebody wondered what the fuck my username meant and looked it up. this ended in me getting roasted to hell and back. but it did remind me of sparklecare and hoping that kneeby just forgot about the whole joke comic i had made. that's when i learned about the incest slop, the grooming. the whole fucking jeffrey epstein documentary.

it came as a shock to me because what the fuck do you mean this person who i feared over them hating me for my entire time in the fandom, fetishizes over incest and that sparklecare is inheretly a thinely veiled fetish comic

time would pass, kneeby would double down. and then i remembered something, something i hadn't thought about since i was a child. the stories my now deceased mother would tell me, about her getting sexually abused by one of her family member as a child. i don't want to trauma dump further, but remembering that made me despise kneeby. it made me want to kill kneeby over fetishizing their own trauma like this. and that's how that burn in hell kittycorn image happened.

i am in full support of the victims of kneeby and i hope they all and recover from the abuse of kc and the zcp. if they didn't want me to continue work on something like strawberry nightmare i will stop. i wish nothing but the best for all of them.

i'll just sign off with this really corny ms paint drawing. i hate kittycorn and everything kit stands for. i wish nothing but the worse for her and her groupee of pedos.

sorry if this is a bit disjointed i'm just terrible at writing.

[our-queer-experience]

I started questioning my gender back in 2020. I cycled through several different labels, sets of pronouns, and a few different names. Initially, I thought I was nonbinary, but I couldn't accept that in my sheltered, freshly-out-the-church Mormon brain. It felt like it was gonna be much harder to be nonbinary than it would be to just be a binary man. And being a man felt right, at least sometimes. Sometimes it felt really, really wrong, but I chalked that up to needing more time to deconstruct harmful gender stereotypes in my head.

So I committed to being a trans man and went on testosterone. Kinda a crazy story actually- I was not ready to go on it. I was not certain about my gender or what I wanted to look like or any of that. But I'd heard it was a long process for most people to get on it, and I felt like there was an 80% or higher chance that I would wanna go on it. So I made an appointment, three months in advance, thinking it would just be a consultation. I walked out of that appointment with a testosterone prescription. This was because I actually am lucky enough to have amazing insurance and live near(ish) to an informed consent clinic. If I would've been honest with the doctor about my confusion and uncertainty, they would not have prescribed me T that day. But because of all barriers to care I'd heard about online, and historical cases of having to tell doctors very specific things to get treatment, I was very worried that showing any amount of uncertainty would permanently disqualify me. Of course it would not, this clinic is wonderful and that's not how things work nowadays, at least where I live, but I was so paranoid about losing access to care I knew I probably wanted that I lied through my teeth and said that I was ready and this was what I wanted.

So I went on testosterone. I thought, you know, I'll give it a shot, and if I don't like it I'll stop. But it wasn't that simple. I loved it some days, other days I hated it. But I finally recognized myself in the mirror (most days) and felt like I fit inside my own body, so I figured it was probably right and just kept going.

But some days I did not feel right. I tried to suppress the growing doubt and fear surrounding my gender but I couldn't ignore it. Every few months I'd have another gender crisis, usually leading to the conclusion that I was nonbinary, but then I'd go on about my life, living as a man, and I'd love that (some days). So I must be a man, right? If I loved it so much? And I still thought that living as a binary man would be easier, and more people would accept me and see me as I wanted to be seen. So I figured feeling like myself Most Days was good enough and kept ignoring the feeling that something was wrong.

It took me two years and a lot of therapy before I manned up and admitted to myself that I am nonbinary and no amount of therapy would change that. And my brother pointed out to me that my idea that the world would treat me better as a trans man rather than a nonbinary person was bullshit, they'll treat me like shit regardless. If they're gonna hate me no matter what, might as well be who I wanna be and do what I love.

So since then, I've realized that I'm genderfluid, and some days I am a man, and other days I am not. Some days I'm a woman, and I love being a woman. Some days I'm neither. Some days I'm both. It's wonderful to be everything, to have all these options and get to play around as I will.

And I'm off testosterone now. I don't regret it at all. I look completely androgynous, and I can pass as a woman when I want and a man when I want or I can just be confusing as fuck, which is what I do most days. The only thing I regret is starting when I wasn't ready, leaving me with this lingering "what if I could've learned to love my body" that I can't resolve because I can't change the past or know what I would've felt. But the fact is I probably still would've gone on it to help with my dysphoria (because it has helped, a lot). And I might go back on it in a couple years, if I start to feel too feminine again. I'm at this lovely middle point that I want to stay at, so I may be going on and off t the rest of my life to remain here.

Oh god. That means. Puberty never ends.

Well, wish me luck! Here's to a life full of massive hormonal changes 🥂

thank you for sharing!!!

[k-popanimeotomeandyanderes]

Yandere!Nagito x ftm!reader

Content: closeted reader (only Nagito knows), brief mentions of dysphoria, and also really self-indulgent

1.2k words

You had come to a realization about your gender a few years ago, but you kept it hidden from everyone around you. It's not that you thought they wouldn't be supportive. Some of your friends were trans too, but you just didn't know how to come out yet. As far as you knew, no one knew you were a man, so it was surprising when you started getting love notes that referred to you as things like “handsome” or “pretty boy.” You didn't mind, of course, far from it, but they couldn't have been meant for you… could they? How would anyone know to call you those things? You couldn't help but stress about it. Maybe you'd accidentally outed yourself, or someone was making fun of you.

You started out ignoring it, but the love letters got more frequent and more concerning. What started out as some nice compliments and a bit of gay desperation had turned into the mystery author degrading himself and obsessing over you. You started getting gifts too, your favorite flowers or items you'd been eying. The situation had reached a point where you had to do something, so you wrote a note back.

Since you had no idea who this man was or how to reach him, you decided to just leave the letter in your house, since he was probably breaking in anyway. The sealed letter to your maybe stalker sat on your dresser for just long enough to make you question all your decisions. You were probably just being paranoid. No one would ever break in to take a letter. Sometimes paranoia pays off, though, because the next time you checked, the letter was gone and replaced with a return letter from your stalker.

You were understandably terrified to read this new letter. Not only were the “normal” love letters concerning enough, but you'd actually confronted this guy about his actions and practically demanded to know who he was and why he knew you were trans. Despite your fear, you opened the letter and began to read.

“My dear (preferred name),

I'm unbelievably flattered to receive your attention. All of my love for you was given without the expectation of reciprocation, but now that I know you feel the same, I'm happier than I could ever imagine. Trash like me may not deserve your shining hope, but I can't stop myself from being selfish and choosing you regardless. As for who I am, I am Nagito Komaeda, the ultimate lucky student. Although my talent and general existence are both completely worthless, I do have one skill, which is observing you. You call me your “stalker,” which I can't deny. You're the perfect man, a beacon of hope for all of us peasants. I can't help but be attracted to everything you do. I adore every part of you. I doubt you are surprised that I learned such details about you, like your gender, from my observations. Fear not, darling. I accept you no matter what and you have always been a man in my eyes, even if that is not what you see in the mirror or if your negative thoughts tell you otherwise.

I understand that this situation may be overwhelming and that I have no right to ask anything of you. I am selfish. I can't keep away from you. I need to have you. I want you to be my boyfriend and to love me just as deeply as I love you. I know someone like me doesn't deserve your love or your kindness, but I need you. I need you so badly. I need your everything. If you even consider a relationship at all, please let me know. I would do anything for you, my beloved.

With love,

Nagito”

How were you supposed to feel about any of this? This man had stalked you and any positive feelings you had for him were probably just because he was the only one in your life who saw you as a man. Despite that, the idea of someone wanting you so much was enticing. He probably had some issues, but… you could totally fix him. Or not. Maybe not fixing him would be better anyway. You'd never had a boyfriend who truly saw you for who you were before, so why not give this a shot? You pushed aside all the red flags and started to draft a return letter.

A week and two letters later, you finally get the chance to meet your new boyfriend, Nagito Komaeda. You decided to meet in a public setting. It felt too weird for your first date to just be in your house. Dwelling on the whole stalking and breaking in thing wasn't very pleasant. You weren't sure what to look for. You'd never seen this man before in your life. You desperately hoped he wasn't a creepy old man or extremely hideous. Were those shallow things to be thinking of while meeting your new stalker boyfriend for the first time? Maybe. The next moment you look up, hoping to find a distraction, you see a man standing disturbingly close to you. He hadn't said anything, but he was definitely staring.

“You're quite close,” You whisper under your breath, almost hoping he won't hear.

“I'm so sorry, darling. I didn't mean to startle you. I'm just too used to avoiding your attention. Sorry. Trash like me shouldn't be—” You cut him off.

“It's fine, don't worry about it. So… I'm guessing you're Nagito.” You don't have much to talk about with him. He spends most of the rest of your date rambling about how perfect you are or how awful he is. He is pretty nice, at least. His white hair and sickly pale skin make him sort of attractive in a pathetic wet cat way as well. He's almost your type. There's a natural lull in your conversation. Nagito hesitates for a moment.

“(Preferred name)... are you uncomfortable?” He asks softly.

“No, not really. It's just new to me to be with a man as a man, I guess among… other things about our relationship.”

“But, you are interested in men, aren't you?” You shift a bit in your seat before answering. “Yeah. It's just my gender.”

“You've never been with someone who knew you're trans then? No gay dates before?” He seemed genuinely curious as he asked.

“Nope. Not a single gay date. Well, definitely none that knew it was gay, I guess? Maybe some secretly gay stuff?” You were basically rambling like Nagito had been before.

“I see. No wonder you're so nervous. Don't be. It's okay to be gay.” Did he really think that was the main issue? It was one small issue. Sure, being trans wasn't something you'd been this open about before, but dating your stalker was way worse than being a little homosexual.

“We can go at your pace,” Nagito adds. It's sweet that he cares about that even though he's totally violated plenty of boundaries already.

“Thanks for that, and thanks for being my first gay boyfriend.” You can't help smiling. Your date–your boyfriend—might be awkward and a criminal who broke into your house repeatedly, but he wasn't so bad. He was trying.

[littlemissshifter]

hello!! I found your blog recently and I've been loving it, thank you for all the effort you put into helping others :)

I have something I'm confused about/not sure how to fully grasp. Reading everything about loa and nonduality etc. I'm doing my best to internalize it as fact (just assuming it and persisting 😌) but it low-key feels like gaslighting/deluding myself. It's founded on '3d is not real, the 4d is' BUT my brain is kinda struggling to understand it? I've been imagining/daydreaming/visualizing daily, all my life, and none of it has come to fruition so it's like, when I decide that the 3d isn't real and only a reflection of the 4d, it feels 'fake' in my head? Since as much as I tell myself that the 4d reflects in the 3d and let go and trust, the fact is that has never happened to me yet?? I hope this makes sense??

Before I knew about loa, the imagination and mental visualization was an escape to be a mental playground, never becoming reality.

Any tips on how to combat this? Is it a part of the process? Genuinely the only time I manifested anything (small things but true) was when I did the similar sort of 'decide it's trhe' BUT I KNEW it to be true. Like. I didn't imagine because then my head tends to register as fake (because I imagine things nearly 24/7) but the innate sense of 'yeah this is very likely, scrap that. it will happen' has been the only consistent factor to my manifestations.

How can I get to the stage of 'I know the loa is real' when what it states (imagination is reality) feels like force gaslighting myself because of my experiences?

I'm a strong believer in the power of our minds ofc and I've been affirming, reminding myself of it all buttt there's so much contradictory information about loa - imagination is reality vs assuming is reality, which are two different things unrelated to one another - and I want to get to a point where i apply it well without doubts.

I didn't realize how much I wrote haha, but I hope it's understandable. I'd be super grateful for some help 🥹Thank you sm for your time!!

Thank you sm for your kind words!!! 🩷

If it feels uncomfortable to force yourself to believe it, then don't do it. I personally I don't recommend this because it's easy to get paranoid and psychosis when you don't fully grasp the concept.

The 3D is very much real, it's just that it stems from the 4D. They are both the same, just on different frequencies. The 4D is the sped up version of reality and the 3D is slowed down so we can see our manifestations. In the 4D things happen instantly, it's just too fast, so we forget it easily. We only say 3D is not real or that imagination is reality so that the circumstances do not hold you back knowing that you can choose your own reality no matter what.

Also stop saying that it hasn't worked for you. You don't have to tell yourself that it works everytime. Just stop identifying with the thought that it doesn't work.

Moreover LOA is just assuming that you've got what you wanted without seeing the proof, you've manifested things this way even if they're 'small', telling yourself that it'll happen. Apply it knowing that because it has already worked for you.

You don't have to fully believe in LOA, but with your manifestations you do realise that it has worked because you knew it would.

You knew because you trusted yourself. Follow that trust, that knowing.

My only advice would be to stop trying everything else and just trust yourself to get it. You know you can. You have already. Believe in nothing but yourself + spend more time outside your head, be in the present put your full awareness in what you're doing right now.

Hope it helps!! :)

[straykidzwifey]

Concert Concerns (Han Jisung X Reader)

As I anxiously watched the concert footage for what seemed like the hundredth time, my mind was consumed with worry. The images and videos of him performing only added to my unease. I couldn't bear to sit still any longer and paused the video on my laptop. My hand instinctively reached for my phone, pulling up a contact that was all too familiar. But as I debated whether or not to call, doubts crept in, and I wondered if I was just being paranoid.

But then, with a resolute whisper to myself, "Frick it," I pressed the button and waited anxiously. The ringing stopped and I could hear shuffling on the other end before a voice I knew all too well answered, "(Y/N)? Hey, what's up?”

A small sigh of relief escaped me before I replied, "Hey Chris. Is Jisung with you right now?" The shuffling continued before he responded, "Um, no. Him and Minho went out to grab some takeout. Why do you ask?”

I shook my head, realizing he couldn't see me from the other end. "I just wanted to make sure he wasn't around when I asked you this. Actually, can we facetime?" A quick agreement came from the other end, and I switched over to facetime, needing that extra reassurance that everything was okay.

As the video call connected, Chris's concerned face filled the screen in a matter of seconds. I could see the worry etched into his features, and it mirrored my own as I began to speak.

"So, what's going on?" His voice was laced with genuine concern, and I took a deep breath before answering.

"That's what I wanted to ask you. I've been watching the footage from the concerts and fan meets you guys have been doing for the past couple of weeks, and Jisung looks...stressed. He hasn't smiled once." My fingers fidgeted nervously as I spoke, my eyes scanning over Chris's face for any sign of understanding or explanation.

"The only time he even attempts to grin is when he's around Minho. And when I ask him about it on our calls, he just says he's tired." My voice trailed off, unable to fully express my worries. The silence that followed felt heavy and suffocating, as if we were both struggling to find the right words to convey our concerns.

Chris let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair as he processed my words. The worry in his eyes deepened, and for a moment, I saw a flicker of something unfamiliar - fear.

"(Y/N), I've noticed it too," he finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper as if afraid someone might overhear. "But it's not just exhaustion. There's something going on with Jisung, something... off.”

My heart clenched at his words, confirming the unsettling feeling that had been gnawing at me for days. "What do you mean, Chris? Has he said anything to you?" I urged, my mind racing with possibilities and dread.

Chris hesitated, chewing on his lower lip as he debated how much to reveal. "He... he's been having nightmares," he confessed slowly. "Nightmares that leave him shaking and sweating when he wakes up. And sometimes... sometimes he spaces out, like he's not really here.”

My fingers ran through my hair in frustration, the tips scratching against my scalp. My mind raced as I tried to process the words that Chris had just told me. We sat in tense silence, both lost in our own thoughts. Finally, I let out a deep sigh and looked at him with a weak smile on my lips. "I think I have a plan," I said, my voice wavering slightly. "But I'm going to need your help." Chris straightened up, his body language letting me know he was ready to listen and assist however he could. “So, here’s the plan.”

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

I looked out the window of the black SUV, sitting in silence with the boy’s manager as we drove to the concert hall, where the guys were performing. I was excited to see my boyfriend again after a whole year of not seeing each other in person, but the weight of the reason I was actually here had my stomach in knots.

I had already gone over my strategy with Chris during our phone call. I explained that I would fly to South Korea on the day of their next concert, not only to surprise Jisung but also to catch him off guard and get him to open up about what's been going on. While they are performing on stage for the first half of the show, their manager will discreetly bring me backstage. Then, during the intermission when they're changing outfits, I can finally spring my surprise on him.

The rest of the group was already aware of the plan, and they all quickly agreed to it. They were all concerned about him, but no one, not even Minho, knew what was causing his distress.

My thoughts were disrupted as we pulled up to the back gate. I squirmed in my seat out of anticipation, nervousness, and excitement. The parking lot was packed to the brim, fans that didn’t have tickets but still wanted to catch a glimpse of the boys were all piled outside the stadium.

I took in a deep breath to steady my racing heart as we stepped out of the SUV and were immediately met by security. They ushered us inside quickly, guiding us through the maze of hallways and corridors that led backstage. The distant sounds of the music and the crowd grew louder with each step, heightening my excitement and nerves.

As we approached the door to the backstage area, I could feel a surge of adrenaline coursing through me. This was it. The moment I had been waiting for—to finally see Jisung after what felt like an eternity and hopefully get to the bottom of whatever was troubling him.

The manager gave me a reassuring nod before opening the door, revealing a whirlwind of activity backstage. People hurried back and forth, carrying equipment and costumes, their voices blending into a chaotic symphony. I spotted familiar faces among the crew members, their expressions a mix of exhaustion and anticipation for the performance.

I followed closely behind the manager as he navigated through the backstage hustle and bustle, my heart pounding in my chest with each passing moment. The air was charged with nervous energy, a stark contrast to the cool exterior I tried to maintain. As we approached the boys' dressing room, my palms grew clammy, and I felt a lump form in my throat.

The manager gave a sharp knock on the door before gesturing for me to enter the room. As I stepped inside, my senses were immediately overwhelmed by the flurry of activity unfolding in front of me. The workers rushed around, making final preparations for when the boys would arrive to begin their performance. I positioned myself by the door, nervously waiting for their arrival. One by one they filtered into the room, starting with Jeongin whose contagious smile was the first thing that greeted me. He pulled me into a quick hug, offering a few words of encouragement before heading over to his stylist. Seungmin and Felix followed suit, offering warm hugs and words of greeting before joining Jeongin in getting ready. Minho and Chan were next, both flashing bright smiles as they caught sight of me and offered friendly greetings. Finally, Hyunjin, Changbin, and Jisung entered the room, with Jisung being the last to join us. His eyes were initially downcast but as soon as he looked up and saw me, he froze in surprise.

"Hi, Hannie," I spoke softly with a smile as I approached him. His shocked expression slowly morphed into tearful relief as he stood frozen in place. Without hesitation, I opened my arms and beckoned him towards me. He took hesitant steps forward until we were finally wrapped in a tight embrace. His arms clung tightly to my waist and his head buried in the crook of my neck. I wrapped one arm around his back and my other hand went into his now long curly hair. The warmth of his body against mine and the gentle rise and fall of his sobs comforted me in a way that words couldn't express. Tears streamed down his face, leaving wet trails on my skin as I rubbed soothing circles on his back. Despite the circumstances that brought us together, being able to finally hold him in my arms brought a sense of peace and completeness that had been missing for far too long. My own tears threatened to spill as I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly. After nearly a year apart, the relief of finally being able to physically see each other was overwhelming. But in that moment, my focus was on comforting and cheering him up. I pushed aside my own emotions to be there for him. Our reunion was like a bittersweet embrace, filled with joy and sadness all at once.

Jisung's sobs eventually subsided, and he pulled back slightly to look at me with tear-stained eyes. "I didn't know you were coming," he whispered, his voice raw with emotion. His vulnerability tore at my heart, and I cupped his face in my hands, gently wiping away his tears with my thumb.

"I wanted to surprise you," I replied, my voice soft and reassuring. "But more importantly, I wanted to be here for you. Chris told me about the nightmares, about how you've been struggling.”

Jisung's eyes widened in surprise, a flicker of fear passing through them before he quickly masked it with a forced smile. "It's nothing, really," he muttered, avoiding my gaze. But I saw through his facade, recognizing the walls he had built around himself.

I gently placed my hands on his face and looked into his eyes. Our time together in person was always too short, but I could read him like a book just by studying the expression on his face. And right now, it was clear that something was bothering him deeply. With a concerned tone, I asked, "What's really going on? I know we don’t get to see each other in person very much but I can see it in your face.”

Jisung hesitated, his gaze flickering between my eyes as if searching for an answer to my question. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, the internal struggle evident on his face. I could feel the weight of his unspoken words hanging heavily in the air, a barrier between us that begged to be broken.

Finally, he let out a long sigh, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "I don't even know where to start," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's like... like I'm drowning in my own thoughts, and I can't seem to find a way out.”

My heart ached at his words, at the raw vulnerability in his voice. I reached out and took his hand in mine, offering what little comfort I could. "You don't have to face this alone," I reassured him, my voice gentle yet firm. "We'll figure this out together. Just start from the beginning.”

Jisung's grip tightened around mine, his eyes searching mine for any sign of judgement or rejection. Finding none, he took a deep breath and began to speak, his words tumbling out in a rush as if he had been holding them in for too long.

“It started about a month ago,” he confessed, his voice wavering from emotion. “I thought it was just stress from our hectic schedule, but then… then the nightmares began.” His grip on my hand tightened even more, as if anchoring himself to reality.

I hesitated before asking him, "What were you having nightmares about?" He took a deep breath before answering, "It's pretty silly, actually." "Jisung, it's not silly if it's affecting you." I looked into his eyes and urged him to tell me. "They were about us breaking up. About how I wasn't good enough for you. Not seeing you in person for so long has really gotten to me. I'm constantly afraid that we won't last because our relationship is difficult. We live in different countries and my work keeps me busy all the time. I wish I could hold you every day, take you out on dates, and have movie nights together like a normal couple. And on top of everything, my stressful schedule and social anxiety only been adding to the stress.”

Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to Jisung pour his heart out. His words cut through me, exposing the depth of his fears and insecurities. I squeezed his hand tighter, a silent promise that I wasn't going anywhere.

"You are more than enough, Jisung," I said, my voice unwavering. "Our love is stronger than any distance or obstacle. I don't need fancy dates or constant physical presence to know how much you mean to me. You, just the way you are, are everything I've ever wanted.”

His eyes searched mine, as if seeking the truth in my words. I brought his hand to my lips, placing a gentle kiss on his knuckles. "I love you for who you are, for your passion and dedication, for the way you light up a room with your smile. And I'll be here every step of the way, helping you navigate through the darkness until we find the light together.”

Jisung's eyes glistened with unshed tears, his walls crumbling under the weight of my love and reassurance. His grip on my hand softened, allowing vulnerability to seep through as he gazed at me with a mixture of gratitude and disbelief. "I don't know what I did to deserve you," he whispered, his voice barely audible in the bustling room. "But I'm grateful every day that you're in my life.”

A smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I leaned in to press a soft kiss to his forehead. "You don't have to 'deserve' love, Jisung. It's freely given, unconditionally." The weight of his burdens seemed to ease slightly as he took a shaky breath, his gaze locked with mine in a silent conversation that spoke volumes.

As the final touches were made for the boys' performance, Jisung and I found solace in our own little world amidst the chaos surrounding us. The loud clamor of last-minute preparations and excited chatter faded into a distant buzz as we gazed into each other's eyes. A sudden urge to confess swept over me, and I leaned in closer.

"You know I wanted to wait to tell you this, but now that we're talking about it, I think it's time." Jisung's expression shifted from confusion to curiosity, his eyes searching mine for answers. Suppressing a giggle, I continued.

"I'm moving to Seoul in two weeks." His reaction was priceless - his eyes widened like saucers and a wide grin spread across his face. "What?! Why?" I couldn't help but laugh at his eagerness, catching the attention of the others around us. Biting my lip, I tried not to give away my excitement. It had been my secret plan to surprise them all with this news.

"Well, apparently the Stray Kids' graphic designer for your team is leaving due to family reasons, so they were looking for someone new. And JYP remembered that I am a graphic designer from when I visited you at the company last time, so they contacted me about the job last month." Jisung's already bright smile grew even bigger - something I didn't think was possible.

"Wait, so not only are you moving to the same city as me, but we'll be working together every day too?" His excitement was contagious, and I couldn't help but nod eagerly. In excitement, he picked me up and spun me around. I squealed in surprise but laughed and told him to put me down. As he put me down, I heard cheers of excitement behind us.

The rest of the group had gathered around, their faces filled with joy at the unexpected news. Chan was the first to hug us both, his enthusiasm infectious as he congratulated us on our new adventure. Changbin and Hyunjin soon followed suit, their teasing and playful banter bringing laughter to the group. Felix’s eyes sparkled with happiness as he enveloped us in a warm embrace, his excitement palpable. Seungmin and Jeongin were practically bouncing on their feet, unable to contain their joy at the prospect of me joining their team. The room was filled with elation and love, a sense of unity and togetherness that bounded us all like family.

Despite my desire to continue our private moment, the cheers from the audience were growing louder and more insistent. "As much as I would love to stay here with you," I interjected, raising my voice over the joyful noise, "you guys need to get back on stage." My arm swept out to encompass the rest of the band members. A chorus of affirmative responses filled the air as they began hurrying towards the stage. Turning to face Jisung, my eyes took in his disheveled appearance, and I couldn't help but smile. "And you," I said, lightly poking his chest with my finger, "need to freshen up before your performance." Giving me a small salute and a firm ‘yes ma’am’ he leaned in for a quick kiss before being whisked away by his stylist. Assuring him I would be in the crowd watching, I watched him go with a fond gaze.

The rest of the night was a blur of excitement and chaos. Jisung was back to his usual energetic and playful self, and it brought me immense joy to see him enjoying himself so much. As I stood among the cheering fans, I couldn't help but feel grateful for this life and this moment with my love by my side. Everything seemed perfect in that moment.

[pianocat939]

here me out, yan rise boys w/ cat mutant reader hcs? feel free to ignore

Reminds me of how I was called cat instead of my name that one time lmao- these aren't very long since idk I couldn't really think of any major differences (this goes with most animal mutant/yokai requests ngl)

Excuse me for any misconceptions with cats, I haven't been around one in a decade so- also- I did write this one as more romantic leaning

Tw: Donnie putting MC on a diet that's only beneficial for cats, Leo playing "shining knight in armour" bs, delusional, just fluff really

Yan Turtles with Cat Mutant MC Hcs

✦Ronald Reagan's Crusty Elbow✦

Finds you really fluffy and snuggly. If you aren't a touchy person please beware of him because he will want to cuddle. He loves to give scritches behind your ears just to see if you'll purr or make any other pleased noises. If you do, he is gonna be all soft to the point I doubt he'll want to let you go for a moment.

Want your fur to be brushed? Bro is all about it. He might even put on a little Soul music while he brushes you. He tries to make it as calming as possible.

If you idk lick his cheek or somewhere on his face (cuz you're a cat-) I think he would find your weird sandpaper tongue so interesting. Might giggle a bit from the feeling.

✦Lathering Nose✦

He is definitely an asshole. He'll do everything and anything to make you jump or get startled. But as soon as you are, he hugs you and gives a few pecks wherever on your face saying you're safe in his arms. Basically, he's doing the "I'm the cause of it and then acting like I'm saving you from it."

Something tells me he would love stuffing you into like a sack with your head poking out and cuddling with you while you're trapped in the sack. He is all about those nuzzles- he loves nuzzles.

He would 100% buy you weird hats for you to try on- because people do that with their cats. It could be an apple, a turtle, to Donald Trump's hair. He just loves funky hats to give you.

✦Dough Slapping Giraffe✦

He is going to ban you from eating any foods harmful to cats because he's a paranoid fucker. Don't think he won't know, because he'll have cameras, trackers, hell he might even straight up destroy that food forever.

We know he isn't too big on physical affection, but I think he'd like you chilling on his lap while he works. I like to think his lab is a bit chilly considering all the metal and other things, so he likes that you're warm.

I'm sorry but he loves being a menace and playing with you with a laser. Definitely not his lab, but maybe the living room or just a more open space will he whip it out and laugh every time you instinctually want to chase it.

He records any cat-like noise you make it. You cannot convince me otherwise. He'll likes to listen to it if he ever has issues with sleeping or idk whatever negative situation.

✦Morphine Sucker✦

Cuddles, snuggles, pets, scritches; he will be all over you if you're any type of fuzzy animal. If he ever feels bad or just feels lonely he shoves his face into your fur, most often your neck. He has a bad habit of playing with your tail. Not in a malicious way, but he wants to pet it or watch it move around.

If he ever cooks for you, he likes to shape any solids or sauce in the shape of a cat head. He also tends to put in ingredients that are more well-fit for a cat.

He loves the sound of your purrs, he'll just cling to you and listen to it every time it happens. Also, every time you purr, he thinks he's doing a good job at whatever and that his divinity is blessing him. So you're quite literally deluding him more.

——————————————————

I'm intimidated to write anything that's romantic omg- like I think I've scared myself into putting the least amount of romantic things when I say it's romantic leaning help-

- Celina

[frogletscribe]

A:FoP Sky Breaker DLC Thoughts...

Alright so i finished the main story of the DLC and have let my thoughts cook for a minute. This is just some of my thoughts/opinions overall. I will have to do a separate post for my more intense thoughts because I managed to actually hit the character limit and I wasn't even halfway through everything (i didn't even know tumblr had one of those and I've been on here for over a decade)

Spoilers for Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora Sky Breaker DLC under the cut.

The opening? Gorgeous. Amazing. Fantastic. Obsessed with the little cut scene of our Sarentu on their Ikran. I am in love. I was really pleasantly surprised to see Kin right off the bat too! Thats my grandpa, i love him! And then walking with the Zakru and getting to hear other NPCs talking was really nice. I loved the banter about So'lek.

Getting into the main games camp was visually very pretty but confusing. I got lost immediately (distracted by the wandering Zakru) and accidently came in from the back? and then proceeded to not be able to find anything or anyone. I kept getting turned around and winding up back with Etuwa and Ka'nat. I did eventually find everyone else but it was a struggle.

Was Eetu only there at the very start??? He was hanging out with So'lek and having a very cute banter and then as everything progress he completely disappeared. Sosul too for that matter. It made me a little worried when he wasn't there after a while bc it felt like almost all the other key npcs got at least a small cameo in other quests but not Eetu? I got paranoid he died but also i think hes an important enough NPC that someone else would have said something if that was the case. I guess i just wanted more of him in general. (Im biased/delusional and ship him with my Sarentu, i will take literally anything)

Theres also a smaller moment, walking around where Teylan calls and starts talking about Nor, about how he would have loved the games, that really got me. For a second i actually thought Nor might come back later in the story, but given how things went it makes sense that he wouldnt. I do really hope that Nor shows up in the next DLC because I really need closure for him. He deserves to see and be a part of what his fellow Sarentu are building and to heal from all the hurt he has been through.

Can the Zeswa PLEASE catch a break? 😭 First the arches are collapsed, then Pasuk, now this?? I need this to be the last big bad thing that happens to them for a while.

More So'lek all the time please! I love him. I loved his role in the over all story and how he helps us throughout the final mission. He is the reason i am desperate for a romance in this game, but i can't have that so i'll just have to write it myself fhdjskghfs

I will be making a separate post about my thoughts on everything with Alma and Mokasa.

With the last of TAP (more or less) gone now, I'm really curious about the next DLC and the general future of Frontiers. Secrets of the Spires comes out in Fall, which is rapidly approaching, but i doubt we will hear anything until like September at the earliest. I think I remember hearing about a new clan in the new area for that one?? (Could be wrong though) Im really curious what the plot for that one is gonna be now that Mercer and Harding are gone.

Hopefully we will see Nor again. I'm kinda also hoping for a movie cameo? like Norm or Max showing up? We got an audio cameo of Ardmore, i think it'd be cool to see some friendly faces or at least audio for one of those guys. I don't think we will get a Jake cameo but i would lose my mind if we did lol.

Im also really hoping that theres more content coming in the future? More DLC or comics or something cause AFoP is the only thing keeping me sane when it comes to Avatar Brainrot rn.

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Can I request for a romantic match up from Spiderverse, X-Men, and Baldur's Gate 3 please? I'm 27 & my pronouns are she/her. I would like to be match with a man. The colours of my hair & eyes are black. I have big eyes. I have collar bone length hair that I tie in a low ponytail. I wear spectacles too. I have a baby face that I'm still mistaken for a minor. I'm a skinny woman who's 5' 0.6/154cm. My hobbies are reading fanfiction & reader inserts, listening to music, reading manga, watching cartoons, movies, & anime. My favourite movies/shows are Lilo and Stitch, Lion King, Puss in Boots : The Last Wish, Princess Monoke, Spirited Away, The Cat Returns, & The Emperor's New Groove. My favorite songs/artists are Backstreet Boys, Linkin Park, Maroon 5/Adam Levine, Citizen Soldier, Michael Bublé, Westlife, Kenshi Yonezu, T.M. Revolution/Takanori Nishikawa, and anime songs. My favourite colors are purple, blue, black, & red. My aesthetic/style is tomboy as I wear hoodies, oversized t-shirts, baggy pants, and sneakers. My likes are snacks, desserts, cute animal videos/photos, fanart, plushies, anyone who's nice, kind, have virtues, or respectful in anyway, my family, and my friends. My dislikes are anyone's rude, toxic, immoral, judgemental, hypocritical, can't change for the better, or disrespectful, wastage in general.

My personality depends on the people I'm with. If I'm with strangers/acquaintances, I'm shy, timid, & quiet but polite & only talk when needed. If I'm with my loved ones, I'm louder & more talkative. I'm mature with my mischievous friends but cheeky with my mature friends/family members. I'm clumsy, dense, naïve, sensitive, forgetful, paranoid, anxious, & overthinks often. I get confused or misunderstand what people meant easily so it's best if you tell me straight to my face so I can't be mistaken. I try to communicate properly & ask for their consent first before doing anything because I misunderstood that I had their permission before. I do my best to give people the benefit of doubt but I do have my limits. I don't really get angry often that even my family & friends are surprised when it happens once in a blue moon.

I don't play sports or video games. I'm a slow learner, not smart, not strong, and not talented. I'm a hopeless romantic but I only had crushes & never dated before. I'm also touch starved as I love giving & receiving affection but I only can hug one person and even then, I do my best to not overdo it. I'm kinda perverted which contrasts my innocent & baby face. I keep it to myself though. I'm also responsible, straightforward, & sarcastic unintentionally. I work as hard as I can & do my best in everything especially being careful. I try to help anyone especially my loved ones whenever I can as they had helped me before. I don't believe in compliments I received occasionally because I'm just mediocre at best & have flaws with no good points. Please and thank you!

Hey, I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I just wanted to say that you are enough. You are so much more than the negative thoughts. You deserve kindness - especially from yourself <3 Stay strong!

I really hope you like your matchups!

I'm also sorry that there was a bit of a wait! <3

Enjoy!

Romantic Matchups; Spiderverse, X-Men, and Baldur's Gate 3

~~~

Romantic;

~~~

Spiderverse:

Hobie Brown -

You first met Hobie when Miguel begrudgingly introduced you both during a mission debrief.

Yes, you are Spider-Woman! One of many!

You had heard about the infamous Spider-Punk, but meeting him was a whole different experience.

He was effortlessly cool, and his rebellious nature made you raise an eyebrow.

Hobie, however, was instantly intrigued by you - small but sharp, polite but sarcastic. He loved the contrast between your shy side with strangers and your more mischievous side with your friends, aka Gwen and Jess.

He also immediately started calling you 'Trouble'.

You quickly became part of his little anti-establishment crew.

Whenever Miguel tried to pull you in for another grueling mission or lecture, Hobie would casually appear out of nowhere, drape an arm over your shoulders, and say, "C'mon, love, there's a much better way to spend out time."

And you'd go.

Every time.

You'd hang out at his hideout in his universe, reading fanfiction or manga while he strummed on his guitar, letting you pick the songs even if they weren't his usual punk anthems.

He liked to mess with you, teasingly playing a Backstreet Boys song but making it punk rock.

He loves it when you groan and begrudgingly sing along.

You'd sit on rooftops, sharing snacks you smuggled from HQ, talking about music and movies while watching London below.

He'd sneak in little compliments about how cool you looked in your suit, which would flutter you.

Hobie started noticing how you'd instinctively reach for his hand when you two ran away from HQ after ditching another Spider briefing.

He never pulled away, only holding tighter.

He started watching your reactions closely whenever he casually threw out compliments, but seeing as how you would sometimes brush them off, he'd reply, "One day, you'll believe me when I say you're something special, love."

He knew he was in deep when he saw you absentmindedly singing along to one of his songs while flipping through a manga.

His brain short-circuited, and suddenly, he wanted to write a song just for you.

Hobie wasn't one for traditional confessions, so when he finally decided to tell you, it wasn't through words - it was through song.

One day, while you were chilling in his universe at his loft, he grabbed his guitar and started playing.

It was a slower song than usual, with lyrics about;

"Spider-girl, with a smile so wide, you make ditchin' duty feel so worthwhile. The world's still spinnin', but we're takin' our time, forget the rules, let's leave 'em behind."

You stared at him, eyes wide behind your glasses.

"That's about me, isn't it?"

He just smirked, tilting his head. "Took you long enough, love."

Before you could overthink it, he tugged you forward by your hoodie strings and kissed you, his lip ring cool against your lips.

Hobie would sneak into your universe just to take you on late-night rides around the city.

He’d swing you through the skyline, making sure to dip dramatically just to hear you yelp before laughing.

He’d make you playlists - punk covers of your favorite songs, anime openings with a rock twist, and even a few acoustic tracks just because he knew you liked the softer music, too.

Would gift you a Linkin Park album.

He'd call you, “My little rebel,” especially when you’d nervously glance around before ditching another mission to be with him.

He'd draw little doodles on your hands when you were reading or listening to music in your headphones.

He'd defend you fiercely if anyone - and I mean anyone - made you doubt yourself or uncomfortable.

If you ever said you weren't good at something, he'd scoff and tell you all the reasons as to why that was incorrect.

He would write a song about you, and act like it wasn't a big deal when he played it to you.

He would steal you the coolest band merch, though, he actually does buy you the merch, he just likes to say that he stole them for you.

You'd patch up any injuries he might get, scolding him softly to be more careful.

You would secretly write him into your fanfiction if you ever write your own.

You would surprise him with snacks because you know he barely eats properly when he's busy rebelling against the system.

~~~

X-Men:

Charles Xavier -

You arrived at Xavier's school as the new music professor, completely unsure if you were the right fit.

Charles was the first to greet you, his charming smile and calm demeanor instantly putting you at ease.

He noticed how you hesitated before speaking, your shy nature making you reserved at first, but when you started talking about music - anything about it - your entire demeanor changed.

That intrigued him.

Charles found your passion for music fascinating and often sat in on your classes just to listen.

You'd spend lunch breaks together, discussing literature and philosophy, only for you to derail the conversation with a sarcastic comment that would make him laugh.

He loved your occasional cheekiness, especially when you'd tease him about his fancy way of speaking.

You teasing him lovingly though.

And he knows.

He found himself seeking your presence more, feeling oddly comforted by you.

You noticed how he’d always offer to escort you places, his hand lingering on your lower back just a second too long.

One evening, after a particularly long day, he found you playing the piano alone. Without thinking, he joined you, playing along with an ease that made your heart race.

One night, during a quiet moment in his study, he finally admitted, “I find myself rather… Entranced by you.”

You stared at him, unsure if you heard correctly. “Entranced?”

He chuckled. “Hopelessly, utterly entranced.”

He leaned in slowly, giving you the chance to pull away. You didn’t.

Charles would spoil you with handwritten love letters, full of poetic musings about your presence in his life.

He’d brush your hair out of your eyes as you read, looking at you as if you were the most precious thing in the world.

You’d spend quiet mornings together, him reading a book while you softly played the piano.

He would always reassure you when you overthink things, his voice gentle and soothing.

He would buy you rare vinyl records of your favorite music.

He would kiss your knuckles absentmindedly while talking to you.

You keep him grounded when his responsibilities become overwhelming.

You introduce him to your favorite anime soundtracks.

Hold his hand under the table during stressful meetings.

~~~

Baldur's Gate 3:

Halsin -

You first met Halsin when he was still captured by the goblins, and you didn’t hesitate to rescue him.

Fluffy bear.

As a bard, you tried to keep his spirits up, but it was your genuine kindness and determination that truly caught his attention.

He immediately found you intriguing - so much warmth and joy wrapped up in such a small frame.

He had known many warriors and mages, but bards carried a different kind of strength.

And yours?

Yours was mesmerizing.

When he joined your camp, after the Shadow Curse, he was grateful and eager to assist, but it wasn’t long before he noticed how your presence brightened even the darkest nights.

Halsin deeply respects your artistic soul.

He loves listening to your music, whether it’s a lively campfire tune or a soft melody played while everyone rests.

He especially enjoys hearing you hum under your breath while doing simple tasks.

You often seek him out, enjoying his stories about nature and elven history.

In return, he listens with rapt attention as you weave tales through song.

He finds your voice enchanting and often watches you perform with a serene, almost reverent smile.

The two of you develop a ritual where, after a long day of travel, you sit together and talk - sometimes about deep matters, sometimes about nothing at all.

Your laughter is something he cherishes, and he’ll go out of his way to coax it out of you.

Halsin is one of the few people who never makes you feel "mediocre".

In his eyes, your music is powerful magic, capable of moving hearts just as much as any spell.

You bring out a playful side in him.

While he is wise and noble, you quickly learn that he has a deep appreciation for fun.

When it calls for it.

You make it your mission to get him to join in on some harmless mischief - whether that’s sneaking to find honey or composing a ridiculous ballad about Astarion’s hair.

He takes you on peaceful walks in nature, pointing out the hidden beauty in the world - tiny glowing fungi, the way the leaves whisper in the wind, the intricate ecosystems within a single tree.

Sometimes, when you're struggling with a new song, he’ll sit beside you in comfortable silence, just enjoying your presence.

Occasionally, he hums along, deep and rich, making your heart skip a beat.

The two of you develop a shared hobby of stargazing.

He knows many elven myths about the constellations, and you turn them into songs on the spot, much to his amusement.

Halsin begins to realize that his feelings for you are deeper than friendship when he catches himself seeking your company above all others.

He tells himself it’s just admiration, just warmth - until he starts feeling an unfamiliar pang whenever you focus your attention on someone else.

He often catches himself staring at you while you play, completely entranced.

It’s not just the music - it’s the way you glow when you perform, how you put your whole soul into every note.

He becomes hyper-aware of your small touches.

When you grab his arm excitedly.

When you lean into him absentmindedly while sitting by the fire.

He treasures every moment.

You, meanwhile, don’t realize your feelings until one night, after a particularly exhausting battle, he wordlessly pulls you into his arms, holding you close in silent comfort.

The feeling of his strong, steady heartbeat against your cheek makes something click in your chest.

It happens after a long day of travel when you’re both sitting beneath the stars.

You’re plucking at your lute absentmindedly, and he’s watching you with that soft, knowing gaze of his.

“You have a gift,” He murmurs. “Not just for music, but for bringing light into dark places. You’ve brought light into my life.”

You look up at him, flustered, and try to deflect with a joke.

But Halsin, ever patient, gently takes your hands in his much larger ones.

“I do not speak lightly when I say that you are precious to me,” He says earnestly. “I would like to walk this path beside you, if you would have me.”

You’re speechless for a moment before finally smiling and resting your forehead against his.

“Of course I would, you big sap.”

Halsin is so incredibly affectionate.

He is unashamed in how much he adores you, whether it’s through words, small gestures, or simply holding you close whenever he can.

He adores your size difference.

You’re so much smaller than him, and he finds it endlessly endearing.

He loves lifting you up effortlessly, whether it’s to help you reach something or just because he likes carrying you.

Your relationship is built on mutual admiration - he teaches you about druidic traditions, and you, in turn, share music and stories with him.

He thinks your bardic magic is just as awe-inspiring as any spell he has ever seen.

He enjoys playing with your hair, gently undoing your ponytail to run his fingers through the strands.

When you protest, saying it’s messy, he just chuckles and says he prefers it this way.

He has a habit of wrapping his cloak around you when it gets cold, pulling you into his warmth.

He sometimes surprises you by pulling you into a slow swaying dance by the fire, even if no music is playing.

He loves pressing his lips to your forehead, especially when you least expect it.

Whenever you both get a rare moment of peace, he enjoys simply holding you in his arms, feeling your steady breathing against him.

Sometimes, you convince him to since along to your songs.

His deep voice blends beautifully with yours.

Bear cuddles are a must!

Halsin enjoys cooking with you whenever there’s downtime at camp.

He insists on using only the freshest ingredients, and you tease him about being a "culinary druid."

He helps you braid your hair when you’re too tired, his fingers surprisingly gentle for someone so strong.

He’s insanely protective - not in a possessive way, but in a way that ensures you’re always safe.

If he senses danger, he immediately positions himself in front of you, his eyes dark with unspoken warning.

You would write songs inspired by him, much to his amusement (and occasional flustered embarrassment).

If he ever doubts himself, you would remind him of his own goodness and strength, just as he does for you.

You would always be there to bring warmth to his heart, whether through music, laughter, or simple companionship.

Halsin would dedicate himself to your happiness.

Whether it’s ensuring you’re well-fed, and protected, or simply feeling loved, he is unwavering in his devotion.

He would carve a wooden pendant infused with protective druidic magic and insist you wear it at all times.

If you ever doubt yourself, he will remind you of your worth with absolute conviction.

In his eyes, you are extraordinary.

[luckyduckwrites]

30 Years Lost Chapter 2-1: Into the Bunker

Fandom: Gravity Falls

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Ford Pines & Original Character(s), Stan Pines & Original Character(s), Dipper Pines & Original Character(s), Mabel Pines & Original Character(s), Bill Cipher & Original Character(s)

Characters: Original Female Character(s), Ford Pines, Stan Pines, Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines, Bill Cipher

Additional Tags: Ford Pines Needs a Hug, Ford Pines Has Issues, Protective Ford Pines, Ford Pines is Trying, Paranoid Ford Pines, Guilty Ford Pines, Stan Pines Needs A Hug, Protective Stan Pines, Stan Pines Has Issues, Dipper Pines Needs A Hug, Protective Dipper Pines, Supportive Mabel Pines, Protective Mabel Pines, Mabel Pines Needs A Hug, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Original Character(s), POV Original Character, Bill Cipher Being Bill Cipher, Manipulative Bill Cipher

Summary:

When Stanford Pines found a strange girl in the woods, he had no idea how much she'd change his life, and she had no idea how much he'd change hers. After the Portal Incident, Ford decided he had to protect his daughter, Sam, from his tormentor, Bill. He froze her in a cryo tube, intending to only leave her there for a few months at most while he destroyed the portal and his his journals so Bill couldn't enter their dimension. Instead, fate had other plans, and he fell into his own creation, his twin brother taking his name in an attempt to bring him back, never knowing he had a niece, or that she wasn't all that far away. 30 years later, halfway into the summer, Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy explore Ford's hidden bunker in the woods, and find Sam.

**AO3 & Wattpad links in masterpost pinned to the top of the blog**

[Sam POV]

I groan as I feel myself falling onto my side in the fetal position. I feel so groggy, and I can't open my eyes. I rub at my eyes, feeling something sticky on my cheeks as I remember what happened last night. I must've cried myself to sleep. The last thing I remember is Dad yelling at me because I wanted to borrow one of his journals and he said he needed them. I'd just wanted to borrow one to go on a nature walk before the first snows of the season.

I finally get a cold crystal out of my tear ducts and I'm able to open my eyes, taking a look at my surroundings. I use my shaky arms to push myself into a sitting position and look at the cryo tube in front of me. Was I in there? It would certainly explain why I feel so cold. But why was I in there? Where's Dad? I struggle to stand up and finally succeed after a few minutes, and my joints feel so unsteady and weak. How long have been in there?

I start walking to regain feeling in my legs and look for Dad, but there's no sign of anyone here. In fact, there's a thick layer of dust on everything, like it's been left untouched for decades! But how could that be possible? And if that's true, how did I get unfrozen from the cryo tube? Dad said it could only be activated and deactivated from the main room, but I doubt he'd do it since Shifty was in one of the cryo tubes.

Actually, hold on. Where is Shifty? I didn't see him nearby when I woke up. How long was I asleep before I woke up down here? I shake my head. There's no time for this! I need to find Shifty! If he's loose, he could escape like that time he tied up Fiddleford in the closet and took his shape! Ugh, why did I have to choose a shape shifter as my first pet?

I start running, not caring about the noise I'm making until I bump into something. Or rather, someone. I rub my head and open my eyes as I hear a gasp, and look up to see a tall, teenaged, redheaded girl that's the spitting image of Boyish Dan Corduroy if he was a girl, and a boy around my age that looks a lot like Dad did in that picture he showed me of him and his twin brother working on their boat, the Stan O' War.

Is this boy a family member I didn't know about? Sounds about right since I never got to meet any of Dad's family. He was very distant from them, and he even tried hiding that picture of himself and his twin brother. What was his brother's name again? Stan... something. Dad said his dad was very lazy with names and wasn't expecting to have twins.

The teenage girl exclaims, "Dipper! It's that girl we saw in the cryo tube!"

I ask, "What? Who are you people? What are you doing here?"

The boy, Dipper, crosses his arms and narrows his eyes in suspicion as he says, "I could ask you the same thing. Who are you?"

I stand up, saying, "I'm Sam. And judging by that tone, I'm assuming you've already met Shifty."

Dipper asks, "Shifty?"

I nod, saying, "The shape shifter. He must've escaped his cage. What form did he take for you?"

The tall girl responds, "He looked like the dude on the bean cans, and he tried to trick us to get access to the journal."

I ask, "Journal? What journal?"

Dipper was about to respond when we hear an ear piercing screech from the other end of the tunnel. I grab the flashlight Dipper was holding and chuck it down the fork in the path that goes further down the bunker instead of the one I came from, and I pull the two of them into the other tunnel. I hold a finger in front of my mouth to shush them as a large pill bug that could only be Shifty takes the bait, following the light from the flashlight.

When it's gone, we all breathe a sigh of relief, and I gesture for them to follow me, saying, "This way!"

Halfway down the tunnel we run into a girl that looks similar to Dipper - maybe his twin? Twins do seem to be common in the Pines family - and some kind of large gopher man in Dad's coat and holding Fiddleford's folding computer that looks like a briefcase when it's closed.

The four of them greet each other cheerfully until Dipper exclaims, "Wait! Careful. How do we know they're not the shape shifter?"

The gopher man exclaims, "Maybe I am! Mabel, inspect my shape!"

He pulls up his shirt, and the girl, Mabel, pokes his stomach, verbalizing, "Poke!"

The gopher man laughs, exclaiming, "Do it again!"

Mabel pokes him again, saying, "Poke!"

The gopher man laughs harder, exclaiming, "Even better the second time!"

I look at the two next to me for confirmation, and they both nod, Dipper saying, "It's definitely them." He then gasps, exclaiming, "Oh my gosh, Wendy, you're bleeding!"

The tall girl, Wendy, says nonchalantly, "It's cool, it's cool. It's just blood, man. Don't freak out."

Mabel asks, "What happened?" She points at me, asking, "And who's this girl?"

Wendy responds, "This is Sam. When we first got in here, she was frozen in one of the cryo tubes."

Mabel gasps, exclaiming, "So that's what I saw in the camera when I pressed the button!"

I raise my eyebrow as Wendy nods, adding, "We found her out here after we got attacked by the shape shifter."

She took off her flannel shirt and rips off a sleeve to cover her bleeding leg that I only just now noticed.

She continues, "He broke out of his cage, pretended to be the author, and wants Dipper's journal."

Why would he want some preteen boy's journal?

Dipper exclaims, "Imagine if he escaped into town! He could transform into anything! We could never trust anyone ever again!"

Mabel exclaims, "What do we do?!"

Wendy responds bitterly, "Well, he took us into his home, tricked us, and tried to destroy us. I say we return the favor."

They come up with a plan, and I lead them to the tunnel I lured him into, where a water pressure valve is located.

After a few minutes, we hear Shifty shout, "Reveal yourself, you single-formed human weakling!"

Some thuds echo, and Dipper and Mabel enter the room where Shifty is as I show Wendy and the gopher man, whose name is apparently Soos, to the water valve so they can turn it on at the right time.

Dipper exclaims as the twins come running toward us, "Guys, he's coming! He's coming! Now, now, now, now!"

Wendy and Soos start turning the valve, and Soos exclaims, "It's not working, dude!"

Shifty catches up and he stops for a second when he spots me, then tries to grab Dipper's journal from his vest with his tongue, and I realize the journal everyone's been talking about is one of Dad's journals! How did they find it? Is the journal how they found their way here? But if they have the journal, where's Dad? He definitely wouldn't have just let them have his journal.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts as Dipper shouts, "Hey, let go!"

Wendy lets go of the valve and helps pull Dipper, exclaiming, "You leave him alone!"

Wendy is pulled away with the journal, and Dipper is left behind.

Dipper exclaims, "Wendy!"

Wendy jumps on Shifty and prepared to attack him with her axe just as Soos successfully turns the valve, a strong stream of water bursting from the pipe. Wendy and Shifty are knocked back by the water, and the rest of us get caught in the flow as well. Soos, Mabel, and I end up near the entrance of the bunker, and we can't see Shifty, Wendy, or Dipper.

Mabel asks, "What do we do?!"

I say, "Follow me! My cryo tube still works, so if we can just get back to the control room, we can prepare it for the shape shifter!"

We enter the control room, and I see an even thicker layer of dust on everything than the tunnels. I activate the cryo tube I was in just as Dipper swings Wendy's axe into one of two Wendys, revealing Shifty's green blood as he returns to his true form. The word 'READY' flashes above my cryo tube as Shifty rips the axe out of his body.

Dipper exclaims, "Push him in!"

Dipper and Wendy push Shifty into the cryo tube, and I quickly close the door and press the button to begin the freezing process.

Mabel exclaims, "Frozen!"

She and Soos fist bump me, and I just stand there in shock and confusion. Since when did people do that? Then again, I was never that close with people my age. Dad was something of a local cryptid to the townsfolk of Gravity Falls, and my classmates only wanted to get to know me so they could meet 'the freak in the woods'. He had me homeschooled for fourth grade after finding that out.

I turn my attention back to the monitor as Shifty exclaims, "No!" He tries various forms in an attempt to escape the cryo tube as Mabel, Soos, and I run over, exclaiming, "No! Let me out!"

He returns to his true form and roars as he begins to freeze, the glass of the cryo tube fogging over.

Soos says, "Let's get out of here, dudes."

Shifty laughs evilly, and we gasp, turning back to the cryo tube as Shifty shoves his face and forearms into the glass so we can see him.

He pleads, "Sam? Sam! Let me out of here, Sam. I know you've missed me. If you would just let me out of here-"

I exclaim, "No! You're not tricking me like this again!"

Shifty growls, exclaiming, "Fine! I tried being nice, but clearly you're too stubborn! You know what? You've been in here for a very long time, Sam. Everything around you has changed! Everyone and everything you loved is long gone! Your family doesn't even remember you!"

I cover my ears with my hands in an attempt to drown him out as he turns to Dipper, saying, "And you. You think you're so clever, don't you, Dipper? But you have no idea what you're up against. You'll never find the author! If you keep digging, you'll meet a fate worse than you can imagine. And this will be the last form you ever take!"

He turns into Dipper in a tux and screams in Dipper's voice as he finally freezes, Dipper looking on in horror.

Soos laughs to Dipper, "Good luck sleeping tonight!"

We quietly go back outside, and I flip a hidden switch at the base of the tree to hide the steps to the bunker as the sun sets.

Soos says, "Dude, I think I'm all adventured out for a little while. My face hurts from doing this all day."

He mimics a silent screaming face, and Mabel laughs, saying, "Yeah, but you gotta admit we're all total heroes."

Soos tousles Mabel's hair, asking, "Hey, who wants to get some heroes' breakfast, huh?"

He picks her up and places her on his shoulders as she exclaims, "Syrup on cereal!"

Soos smiles wide, saying, "Mabel, you're a visionary!"

Dipper says, "Look, Wendy, about earlier. In the heat of the moment, I might've said some dumb things, and can't we just pretend none of that ever happened? Please?"

Wendy says, "Dude, dude, it's okay. I always kinda knew."

Dipper asks, "Wait, you did?"

Wendy chuckles, responding, "Yeah, man! You think I can't hear that stuff you're constantly whispering under your breath?"

Dipper groans, "Aw, man."

He sits down on a log, and Wendy continues, "Listen, Dipper. I'm like, super flattered, but... I'm too old for you. I mean, you know that, right?"

Dipper groans, saying, "Mabel said confessing would make me feel better."

Wendy asks, "Well, how do you feel?"

Dipper responds, wringing his hands, "Anxious. Scared. Kinda itchy."

Wendy chuckles, saying, "Dude! Don't be itchy, man. Let me tell you something. This summer was super boring until you showed up. I have more fun with you than like, practically anybody else. And if you ever stopped being my friend, I would, like... throw myself into the Bottomless Pit!"

Dipper asks, "So things won't be too awkward now?"

Wendy responds with a smirk, "I just wrestled myself, dude. That was awkward. If you can ah dle that monster, you can ah dle a little awkwardness."

Dipper smiles, asking, "Friends?"

Wendy responds, "Yeah, dude! Friends!"

She shoves him gently and he falls backwards off the log, and they both laugh as Wendy pulls him back onto the log.

Wendy says as she puts her bike helmet on, "Oh, and hey Dipper? See you for movie night tomorrow. You place this time, okay?"

She bikes away, and after a moment, Mabel sneaks up next to him asking, "So? How'd it go?"

Dipper asks in a surprised tone, "Wh- what did you hear?"

Mabel exclaims, "Everything! All the time!"

Soos pops out of a bush, exclaiming, "I'm not here!"

I add, standing up from next to the bunker's fake tree, "You weren't exactly quiet over there."

Dipper sighs, asking, "Mabel, how can everything be so amazing and so terrible all at the same time?"

Mabel frowns, saying, "I'm sorry for being so pushy, Dipper. If it's any consolation, I'm already working on your list of potential rebound crushes."

Dipper chuckles and crack a smile, saying, "Thanks, Mabel."

Soos sits down at the other end of the log and the end with Dipper and Mabel lifts a bit before settling back down.

He says, "I'm still bummed we're no closer to finding the author guy. At least I got his science-y coat and briefcase."

He holds up the "briefcase", which flips open, revealing that it's actually a folding computer.

Soos exclaims, "Whoa! What the-"

Dipper exclaims, "Soos, that's not a briefcase, that's a laptop!"

Is that what a folding computer is called?

Mabel adds, "And a really busted up one, too."

Soos says, "I bet I could get this thing fixed up in a few days. It's gonna take a lotta duct tape."

Dipper exclaims, "This could be our next clue!"

They all stand up excitedly, and just as they start racing off, I exclaim, "Wait!"

They turn around, looking at me like they'd nearly forgotten I was here.

I say, "What year is it?"

Mabel asks, "What? Why?"

I respond, "I wanna know how long I've been in that cryo tube. I'm hoping it was only a year or two at most, but with that much dust build-up..."

Mabel's eyebrow furrow, and Dipper asks, "Wait, what year do you think it is?"

I respond, "Well, it was 1982 when I went in there, so... maybe 1985? Am I in the right ballpark?"

They all look at me like I've just killed their cat or something, and Soos says, "Dude, it's 2012. You've been in there for 30 years."

I feel like something's squeezing my heart, and I nervously laugh, saying, "You're joking. You've gotta be joking, right? I mean, i- it can't have been that long. I couldn't have missed the turn of the century, right?" I start hyperventilating as I ask, "What happened to my dad? Does he even know what happened to me? Wh- where am I gonna live? Does he even r- remember me?"

The edge of my vision starts getting dark, and I feel someone guiding me to sit down.

After a few minutes, I hear Dipper say, "You could... live with us until you find out what happened to your dad?"

Mabel adds, "Yeah! We live with our Grunkle Stan in a shack in the woods. We're there until the end of the summer, but I'm sure we could convince him to let us stay."

I ask, "Grunkle... Stan?"

Dipper responds, "Yeah. Stan's our Great Uncle, but Mabel insisted on us calling him Grunkle."

I say, "That... That would be nice. Thank you."

I sniffle, and they guide me through a familiar path to a familiar shack in the woods. Well, as familiar as it could be when a home has been turned into a tourist trap. Soos splits off to go home, and Mabel and Dipper pull me into what is now a gift shop, where their 'Grunkle' is setting up for the morning.

I stop walking when I see him. He looks so much like Dad it's scary. He must be Dad's twin brother, because I can tell even from a distance that he only has 5 fingers. I thought Dad wasn't speaking to him anymore, though.

Mabel exclaims, "Morning, Grunkle Stan!"

Stan doesn't even look up from behind the counter as he mutters, "Mornin' pimpkin. Didn't see you two all night. Were you having one of your adventures in the woods or something? Because, y'know, you gotta tell me these things once in a while."

Dipper says, "We were, actually, but it wasn't just us. Wendy and Soos were with us."

Stan finally looks up from behind the counter, asking, "Yeah, where are those two, anyways? They're supposed to be here soon for their shifts."

Dipper deadpans, "It's Saturday, Grunkle Stan."

Stan looks at the calendar on the wall, then mutters, "Oh, yeah. Well, I'm still docking their pay for leaving work early yesterday."

Mabel says, "We also met someone new on our adventure last night! She's been frozen for 30 years!"

Stan nods and says in a disbelieving tone as he pulls money from the cash register, "Uh huh. Sure, sweetie."

Dipper adds, "Oh, about that. Because of the whole 'frozen for 30 years' thing, we kinda promised we'd... let her stay here?"

Stan finally looks up and notices me and exclaims, "Wait, you what?!"

Mabel adds, "Temporarily! Just until she can find out what happened to her family!"

Stan furrows his eyebrows until he finally sighs, muttering, "Fine. She can have the room with the weird shag carpeting."

Dipper asks, "I thought you gave that room to Soos as a break room?"

Stan shrugs, responding, "He said he liked the room with the hot pipes better. More cozy or something. Anyways, why don't you two go show her that room?"

Mabel exclaims, "Yeah! Follow me, Sam!"

Stan exclaims, "Hold on! One more thing!" We stop, and he adds, "She's gonna have to work at the Shack to earn her stay like you two."

I say, "I understand. I'm just ready to go to bed for now."

Stan looks confused, and Dipper and Mabel both yawn in unison, saying, "We were up all night."

They look at each other and laugh, Dipper adding, "Just wake us up around noon."

Stan still looks confused, but nods, and the twins show me to my old bedroom. It's the only thing in this place that looks the same as it did, except for my missing carpet and stuffed animals. When the twins leave to go to their room, I sit down on my bed, hearing a squeak from the mattress that never used to be so loud.

I sigh, placing my head in my hands. How did everything change overnight? Why was I placed in the cryo tube? Did Dad do that to me? And where is Dad? Why is his brother here?

I hear a knock at my door and say, "Uh, come in."

Stan opens the door and enters the room, saying, "I know you don't know me, but we need to talk, okay kid?"

I raise an eyebrow saying in confusion, "Okay?"

Stan sighs, then pulls a picture out of his suit's inner pocket, asking, "This is you, isn't it?"

He hands the picture to me, and it's a picture I took with Dad at my last birthday. He'd gotten me a camera as a present since I'd been begging to go cryptid hunting on my own. He wanted me to catalogue anything I came across, but my art skills have never been great, so he got me that camera instead. I'd only had the camera for a few months before waking up in the future. The present? Whatever.

I nod, and Stan says, "Ford never told me about you, but a few months after living here, I found this photo, and a bunch of pictures he'd drawn of you when you were younger. He loved you a lot, even if he never said it."

I ask, "What happened to him, anyways? And why are you here, living in his house?"

Stan sighs, muttering, "Knew you were gonna ask me that." He clears his throat before saying, "I need some time before I can tell you what happened. The twins... They think I'm Ford. I wasn't expecting to meet you here like this... Or ever, really."

I chuckle, saying, "And I never thought I'd be meeting my uncle. Dad was always so closed off about his family. Even after he adopted me, I never got to meet anyone else in his family. I've never even been out of Gravity Falls, if I'm being honest."

Stan raises an eyebrow, asking, "Adopted?"

I shrug, saying, "Yeah. I thought It'd be pretty obvious I'm not his by blood." I chuckle, adding, "I mean, we look nothing alike."

Stan smiles, saying as he stands up, "Well, I'm gonna let you get to sleep, kid. Good talk."

I say, "Good talk, Stan." As he starts to open the door, I say, "Just please promise me you'll tell me what happened to him before the summer ends. He's my dad, y'know? And it's been... What was it, 30 years now since I've seen him? I miss him."

Stan pauses, muttering, "I miss him too, kid."

He shuts the door behind him, and I flop onto my back on my bed. It's more drafty in here than I remember. I curl up in my blanket, thankful that the sheets have been washed recently and aren't dusty like everything else in this room. As I start to drift asleep, I remember the day I met Dad.

I was only 6 at the time, and my parents had taken me to the doctors. I'd been having hearing issues most of my life, and they finally got annoyed enough to do something about it. It turned out I was going deaf, and needed cochlear implants. My parents didn't have enough money to do anything about it, so they took me on a 'nature walk' in the woods.

When I'd gotten tired, they say me down by a cave and told me to wait there, that they'd be right back, but they never came. I waited there for days, scared out of my mind. When I'd been there for nearly a week, living off of the berries I'd picked from nearby bushes, a man found me.

He said his name was Stanford Pines, and he was uncovering the mysteries of Gravity Falls. I'm not sure why he took me in, but I was grateful. His assistant, Fiddleford, was like another father figure to me, making sure I was fed and had lunch for school and was clean. He said I was around the same age as his son back home.

Dad made sure I did my homework and helped me when I needed help. He was sometimes hard to follow, especially when he went off on tangents, but he always made sure I understood my homework and aced every test.

After finding out about my hearing issues, Dad made sure I was able to get the implants. I never knew what happened to my parents, but Stanford said it was better that way. The first time I called him Dad instead of Stanford was when I got taken by Krampus with some other kids the year before I was cryogenically frozen, and I called out for him to save me.

Stanford was more of a parent to me that my actual parents, and now he's missing, and the one person who knows what happened to him is living in his house in his name. Did Dad ever tell his family about me? I doubt it, considering I never knew him to call or get called by them. I yawn, rolling onto my side. How am I so tired after being asleep for 3 decades, yet still unable to sleep?

I wish I had Bun Bun, my stuffed animal bunny. He always helped me when I was having trouble sleeping, with his lavender-scented ears. Would they still smell like lavender after all these years? I sigh, knowing I'm too tired and lazy to get up and look for him right now. I instead decide to hug the bottom of my pillow.

I wish Dad was here. There was a lullaby he'd sing to me sometimes when I was younger, saying his mother sang it to him when he was young. I hum it to myself, the lyrics burned into my memory.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away. The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms. When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken, so I hung my head and cried. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.

[pink-tonic]

Murmurs🔪

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Warnings: Mentions of blood

It's Friday, and I decide to go to school. I need to show up. It doesn't matter how much I want to skip today, I need to go. I doubt anyone will find a connection between me and the nurse. But I just can't risk it. It's better if I go, than to stay home and carry on with my mission.

But it's almost done. The nurse is weak and scared. He is almost completely broken from what I have been doing to him.

His skin is pale, almost resembling the color of paper. His clothes are torn and bloody. He smells of dried blood, and even though I've been exposed to blood countless times, over time it becomes an unpleasant smell to have around. His previously neat hair is now messy and dirty. His stomach is empty, and I wouldn't be surprised if he dies of starvation before anything else.

But now I'm met with a question.

Do I want to kill him?

If I keep breaking him the way I'm doing currently, then I could make him my own mind-slave. But I wouldn't have much use for him now. I don't have anyone to eliminate, and he would just be rotting away in my basement until I need him.

I know what to do with him... but I know by the end of this week he won't be in my house or in this world anymore.

After thinking, I start to get ready. I try to make little to no sound. I can't let Kana get the idea of the house being empty. If he finds that out, then there is a chance that he might try to escape.

If he does get away, then I can kiss everything goodbye. My life, my family, and my darling. And I can't afford to lose my darling.

I quietly close the door, knowing what's at stake if I don't.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

When I make it to school, I hear the other students talking. I feel that almost every week there is some new type of gossip. And this week is no different.

From what I can gather, it's about the nurse. As I walk by the hallway, I hear a student mention that they learned about the nurse's disappearance from a news article. I take out my phone, and I quickly type in any keywords that could make the article show up.

Eventually, I find it.

I read through the article, and it's vague. They don't have any suspects yet, which is good for me, but in a matter of time, they are bound to make a list.

I can't keep the nurse for long, I need to get rid of him soon.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

For the rest of the day, I'm on edge. I'm starting to get paranoid. I'm waiting for a group of police officers to walk in and pull me out of class. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I can't help thinking about it while in class.

The thought distracts me for the majority of the day. But no one seems to notice how unfocused I am, so I just carry on the day as normal. But this time, I tried to stop my paranoia from getting to me.

The bells rings and I'm snapped out of my thoughts. I quickly pack up my items, and I start to make my way out of the classroom. As I walk down the stairs, I start to debate on whether or not I should follow (Y/N) or if I should go straight home.

I think... and I come to a conclusion. I've decided to go straight home. The Yamada siblings are bound to be with, so it would be best for me not to follow. Since with both of them around, one might notice me.

I start to make my way out of the school with the other students. As I walk further back home, I see fewer and fewer students from my school. Eventually, it's just me and one or two other people.

I go to my front door, and I open it up with my key. I go inside quickly, and then I close the door behind me. I make sure to lock it.

I go to my room and I switch my clothes out into more comfortable ones. I put away my uniform and my bag. I look at my digital clock, and I notice the time. It's far too early to go to the basement, but I can't help myself.

I start to make my way downstairs, and I follow the same steps to unveil the hidden basement door.

I open the door harshly, and I slowly walk down the steps. The sound of my footsteps alerts Kana, and I can hear him move around.

I feel around for the chain, and I pull it with a tight fist. The lightbulb flickers on, and I can now see Kana's pale face.

"They're looking for you," I reveal to him as I glare at his miserable body. He looks like he wants to die already, but I can't let him go so easily. "This is a problem, I'll have you know," I continue on.

He reverts his tired eyes away from me, but I can tell that he is scared about what I'll do to him. I can see him grip onto the arm rests, and his breathing becomes more shaky.

I walk closer to him and stand over his pathetic figure. I lean down and look at him, but he isn't moving to look at me. I don't bother to move his face, and I continue to talk.

"I need to get rid of you, Kana."

"Please...," Kana can barely form the simple word, and I smirk. I haven't been giving him water, so his voice is raspy from all the screaming.

He is on his last leg, and I can't wait to make him fall.

With a simple smile, I tell him one last thing before I carry on with my work.

"I think you better enjoy your last night here, Kana."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for potentially putting a loved one between me and my client, who is their friend? (Gonna keep stuff vague aside from some details about myself since I'm actually kinda intimidated by this client) This is a wacky one, I'm still reeling from it. I (26m) am a freelance illustrator and approached someone for work after hearing that they were looking for artists to help them with a project. We discussed things and everything was good at the start. I did a couple orders, payments were fine and it all seemed gucci. Now, I fumbled communicating one or two times and that got resolved (or so I thought) and I explained several times that I'm a huge perfectionist when it comes to hired work. I also knew that they were busy and had a couple medical issues so I kinda stopped contacting them because if it were me, I really wouldn't want to deal with 'HI SO ABOUT THOSE ORDERS' when I'm in misery and pain and have appointments with specialists but I guess that's just me because only after they FINALLY got back to me with some work (work that was never on my commission sheet and so , I said no and explained that right now I don't feel comfortable with that level of complexity) things went south and I was told I was basically being fired. For those who want some extra context, the offer I got was a similar type of art I had done ONCE before for the same person but only because I offered and only because they 'desperately' needed someone. The piece took me a week and I voiced that I was glad to be done with it, fun as it was, because I was originally hired for character art, smaller stuff, not big illustrations. (There was also some real life bullshit happening like dealing with shitty social workers, falling off my bike, nearly slipping into a depression as the heat made my european ass VERY uncomfortable and have no AC so I couldn't get much done at all. There's more but you get the idea. I let them know of most of the heavy stuff but I guess it didn't matter in the end)

When I was told that 'we should stop cooperating' it wasn't just a single sentence, it was an entire paragraph basically outlining every single mistake and flaw they could see in me, accusing me of wanting to work on 'equally complex' work instead (in other words accusing me of lying about the work they wanted from me being too complex for me at the moment) and that I hadn't properly communicated *anything* when I very clearly did and could easily go back and pull up those DMs. I defended myself with a paragraph of my own, debunking the assumptions and accusations but was met with a fresh paragraph that was even longer and read like a court document. I'm not kidding, this person used bulletpoints and titles that were bolded to further outline how I was wrong and how I was a shitty person to work with. This is where I cut them off, told them I felt misunderstood as hell, wished them well and removed them from Discord as well as blocked them on most other platforms. This person however, is a friend of someone I'm close with. I'm now paranoid that, although this loved one is agreeing with me on most things, they're now going to be caught in the middle of this and now I'm just analyzing the whole shitstorm, trying to see if I was, at any point, just a huge asshole. So tell me, AITA for waiting instead of contacting my client and 'showing initiative? Was I an asshole for cutting them off like that? Did I potentially screw over someone I care about because they're friends with this client and will no doubt hear about it from another perspective?

What are these acronyms?

[lepusrufus]

I'm starved for theories and hcs and analysis of the blorbos so fine, I'll do it myself. Have some random gritty edgy hcs of Sombra because I'm bored and want to bug my followers with the brainrot

Sombra is a lot less prone to violence than most of Talon, but she also looks extremely apathetic to it on a surface level. She's been scouring and has seen the deepest, most fucked up and disgusting corners the internet has to offer. She's so desensitized to it all that sometimes even she has to take a step back and wonder what the fuck is wrong with her. Sometimes she ends up in deep rabbit holes without even meaning to, just because she can, but suddenly she's trying to find the source of a website selling the shadiest most unsafe spine implants and will need to get up and grab a coffee. (Maybe take Moira's example and steal some of her Irish coffee)

Being the one committing violent crimes is a bit of a different can of worms. Sombra is not usually a field agent and even when she is, that implies mostly staying hidden somewhere away from the fight and taking care of any security that could get in their way. Sure, the gun is there and she'll use it if needed, but she'd rather not.

In a similar vein, she has a very odd way of showing compassion (and has a particular soft spot for young kids in shitty situations). Sombra would find the most disgusting thing hidden somewhere on the web and bury herself neck deep in it to get rid of whoever is responsible. She'll get out of it without as much as a metaphorical scrap, sure, but there's only so many times she can pull this off without it getting to her.

The Implants in her head pretty much connect her brain to the whole wide internet. She's not concerned about anyone compromising her through it, with all the meticulously thought out security she put in place, but it still has its side effects. Sure, she has access to any and all data at any time, but with the amount of misleading and contradictory information you can find even through the simplest google search, she has to always be careful what she picks as true or false, to the point where she sometimes doubts even the simplest little facts. At least she got really good at recognizing lies.

Having any and all information at her fingertips is both a blessing and a curse. She can know anything on anyone in a matter of seconds but on the flip side she rarely gets to truly come in contact with the world if not through a pink tinted screen. She gets wrapped in her own head around motives and data and the inner workings of everything that she sometimes forgets that people are, at the end of the day, people and they will sometimes be unpredictable just because. It made her a bit of a paranoid mess throughout the years and despide how well she can hide it, constantly being on the lookout for something is beyond exhausting.

The implants on her spine are old. They're still very much functioning as they should be, but the one person that did them had died years ago and, without being able to do any tinkering on her own back by herself, Sombra didn't have any major parts of it replaced or updated like the rest of her tech. The knowledge that one day it's bound to malfunction and she'll be left to scramble for a way to fix it looms over her every single time she puts a little too much strain on the mechanical parts of her body and feels a little warning tingle of electricity running down her spine.

Less related to any body modifications, but i think we can all agree that she has the most fucked up sleep schedule in the universe. Sometimes she'll sleep for 12 hours straight. Sometimes she won't sleep for 3 days. Whether it's because she's working on something important or because sleep simply seems to elude her matters little, she'll still be holed up in her bedroom with a few screens floating around her and a pair of headphones blasting too loud music.