#i'm not just a clown

[cozylittleartblog]

"content creator" is a corporate word.

we are artists.

[beif0ngs]

everyone on tumblr @Buggy the 🤡 right now 

[galactic-dragoness]

[hermit-frog]

[bixels]

tarpit site.

[transyashiro]

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[jojolightningfingers]

i truly truly will never stop being tickled by how law's braincell count just plummets into the negatives whenever he's around luffy and kid SPECIFICALLY at the same time. like if it's one or the other he copes more or less just fine. kid's a shit-starter but he's predictable and easy (and fun) to rile up. luffy runs on baffling logic but he's fundamentally easy to get along with so long as you maintain your zen and understand that he usually doesn't MEAN to get under anybody's skin. separately they aggravate law in different ways. but when they're together kid's penchant for starting dickswinging contests (or inability to not take the bait of one) collides with luffy unhesitatingly answering with a one-up that no sane person would conceive of and what the hell is law supposed to do against THAT fuckin wombo combo. get left behind and called a bitch for it? not goddamn LIKELY!!

[twyllodrus]

bright young things (2003) / good omens parallels

[violetscanfly]

How to care for your scientist - a visual guide

[lil-lemon-snails]

decided to draw some of your guys' tags from my harlequin sun and moon post!!! These guys are so much fun and you're all so funny >w<

[disc0bandit]

You ever get so excited you explode with the yay?

[fullcustodyoftheautism]

Fucking rich bastards

[mellific]

another object i'll have at seattle art book fair this weekend (may 11-12) -- this is "A Longitudinal Study of Deadwood Function in Lowland Forest Ecosystems", it is approximately 2.5" x 30", and it comes inside a (paper) log!

i'll be at table 78 (under Snack Break Studio) with some pals, please stop by and say hi!!

[angel-fruitcake]

remember when jackles said at a con that he wanted to do a western/rom-com with misha? it's not too late jensen. spn s16 provides the perfect opportunity to play with that idea. just spitballin here

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Shout out to all artists who had to work without any strong direction or instruction.

I wish you a merry “the client likes it anyways”