#i'm so sorry to my friend that has to go through this shit. stop guilt tripping him and sending him accusatory shit.

[elline]

i mean it is really telling an adult is accusing a minor of sexual harassment. like, very telling.

[steviebbboi]

Once Upon A Friendship

Pairing: Childhood Bestie!Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count: 8.6k~ guys i obviously have a problem, my fics just keep getting longer and longer and idk how to stop

Rating: Teens and up!

Disclaimer: Well, well, here we are~ submitting this lil ficlet for @witchywithwhiskey's Slasher Summer Writing Challenge using the following prompts: carnival/county fair + forced proximity + "You think that's blood?". & Because I also wanted to engage with our writers community even more cuz <3, -- I'm also submitting this to @the-slumberparty Sundae Bar challenge: Chocolate (secrets will be REVEALED), butter scotch (childhood friends and the feelz is real 🥹), french vanilla (cause forced proximity trope was inevitable for our reader), w/ toppings of chocolate syrup (established relationship), graham crackers (flashback-backstory heavy), and toasted almonds (🫣get ready for some angst).

Summary: Growing up together, you and Steve were inseparable. Where did it all go wrong?

***I don't give any permission for this to be reposted anywhere! Pls do not steal work, plagiarism isn't cuteeee~~~~

Warnings/Triggers: Minors just be mindful that this has mentions of teenage sexual activity but not explicit (all age appropriate) but adding my warning below just in case, explicit language in few pieces of dialogue, ANGST with a happy ending, childhood besties to enemies/strangers, bucky, wanda, and nat are your besties too, steve is a shit communicator, both steve and reader are young and a bit naive, cheesiness ensues, fluff, work is not beta'd so any grammar mistake is my bad!!

*Any comments/reblogs are much appreciated and are so encouraging - more than you know. Pls don't hesitate to interact with me <3

“Argh, Wanda, no– I told you, I hate these things!” You whined despondently while grabbing at her arm.

“Look, you only have to go straight in and see it all the way through! It’s not like there’s any detours.” Wanda replied while giving you a deadpan look. 

You returned the look with your own mocking face, “Wan, you know that isn’t the reason why I hate these things! They grab at you and try to scare you.” You shivered at the thought of one of the maze actors dragging you away somewhere where you couldn’t be found.

“Well…that is their job, y’know?” Wanda said, holding her chin in mock thought. You scoffed and shoved her playfully while she giggled at you. 

“Plus, it’s so hot out! It’s probably so stuffy in there, especially if we go in with a random group.” You complained while attempting to fan yourself while holding your hair up off your neck. This summer was brutal, you couldn’t believe that anyone would be at the carnival fair today. But alas, everyone seems to want to enjoy the last throes of summer. 

“We won’t go in with a random group - Nat said that they’re going to meet up with us before we go in.” Wanda said distractedly while taking out her phone, assuming that she was going to be checking in with Natasha.

Your brain took a second to process what she just said before you froze, your mouth agape, “Wait, ‘th-they’re’? Don’t tell me…”

Wanda stood ramrod still as if lightning just struck. The finger that was twirling her own hair froze its mindless motions as she stared at her phone unblinkingly as she realized her mistake. 

“Argh, Wanda!” You hissed out and covered your face with both of your hands in genuine despair.

Wanda held a guilt-ridden expression, “Oh no, I’m so sorry, chip – I completely forgot that he would be coming-- honest!” 

You released a heavy sigh and closed your eyes to mentally prepare yourself for dealing with the person that you despised the most in this world.

Steve Rogers. The bane of your existence. 

Well, not really (-ish).

He also happened to be a guy that you have been crushing on since you were 10 years old.

Did he know this? No. But even if he did, you would be the last person on Earth that he would pick. How do you know this, do you ask?

You and Steve knew each other since you were basically in diapers. Alongside Bucky and Nat, the four of you grew up together. Although, that didn’t stop you from drawing the short end of the stick when dealing with your pre-pubescent teen years. 

You were a late bloomer– while Nat developed boobs and became a natural flirt at 13 years of age, you were still dealing with the bullies at 13 years old whilst trying to navigate hormones, underdeveloped boobs and pre-teen acne. Bucky quickly developed a barely there mustache and a smirk that made all of the other girls swoon (though, you were convinced that it was really just for Natasha instead). And Steve…well, Steve was like you. Underdeveloped, skinny, no hair to be found on his face. He was as tall as you, and dealt with the bullies way worse off than you ever had to do. 

But that didn’t stop you from falling in love with Steve Rogers. 

Steve was one of your best friends. He always looked after you, whether it were mean girls coming to pick on you again or making sure that you got lunch together. You walked home together, stayed at each other’s houses to study or play video games. You developed a routine where one day in a week, you would order a chocolate chip milkshake while he got a vanilla whip at your local diner, and stayed there for hours just talking about your common interests together. Steve gave you your nickname, ‘chip,’ since he constantly made fun of the fact that you got the same milkshake everytime.

You also remember when the both of you decided to be each other’s first kiss. It was awkward and weirdly coordinated, but it was nice and you trusted each other. You both laughed afterwards and hugged, swearing to each other your friendship was still intact. When your parents would make playful jokes or tease you about when you and Steve were going to be a couple, you blushed and would shy away. 

Where Steve was, you were there too. 

You were basically inseparable as you both knew that you two were the underdogs of the group. Bucky and Nat quickly became the ‘It’ power couple as you all entered into highschool. Steve and you were the glue to your little gang and it just felt so nice to not be alone.

Thankfully, you were able to grow more into yourself by the time that you were 16 years old. Your skin cleared up a bit as you learned to develop a skin care routine, and your boobs started to actually look like there were two of them. Though, you never could quite get past the social isolations (despite the fact that your two best friends were the hottest and the most popular kids at school). 

And while you changed a little bit, Steve…well– Steve changed alot. It was like one day he just woke up and became the guy that he was always meant to be. He started developing a build and grew a beard, had a huge growth spurt and joined the football team. He became strong and capable of anything. But, he was still Steve. He continued fighting for the ‘little guy’ even though he became on par with Bucky and Nat’s social class at school. 

Unfortunately, with Steve’s new social status came the one thing that you couldn’t compete with: Sharon Carter. 

Captain of the cheerleading team, it was almost natural for Steve and her to become a couple. You remembered the day that Steve and you hung out after school for your regular milkshake when he told you quietly that Sharon asked him out to the junior year annual dance. He blushed beautifully as he told his best friend the news, and you made sure to plaster on a fake smile and told him that you were happy for him.

After he took you home, you did your homework, took a shower– and as you got into bed, you cried yourself to sleep feeling utterly alone for the first time in your life. 

Things changed after that. Steve couldn’t walk you home because he was walking Sharon home. He couldn’t play video games with you at yours because he was at Sharon’s. Then, he started canceling your daily milkshake hang outs. 

“I’m sorry, Chip- I have practice to get to.” 

“Sharon mentioned that she needed my help today. I’ll see you next week.”

But next week came and went, and still no Steve.

You quickly realized that Steve was blowing you off when you caught him making out with Sharon at the library in school when he told you the day before that he was going to be at football practice. 

You didn’t mean to catch him at all - but you heard noises and glanced over to see him and Sharon behind the well-known ‘hook up’ section of the library. You squeaked in surprise since they were only half clothed, Steve with his shirt off and Sharon in only her bra. As you stood there shocked, you caught Steve’s widened eyes as they both turned to look at you. Sharon was pretty annoyed that you interrupted them (clocking her narrowed glare), but Steve at least had the decency to look embarrassed as they both put their clothes back on. 

The shock of catching him in the act wasn’t as surprising (as much as it broke your heart, you knew that people in relationships would typically take it to that level fairly quickly). What was surprising was Steve’s reaction. You thought that maybe he would apologize for lying to you, or for blowing you off as many times as he did. But instead, he cleared his throat and his eyes became more stern as he didn’t say a word. He took Sharon’s hand in his and left. 

You remembered standing there for another 5 minutes until you saw another couple glare at you as they took Steve and Sharon’s space. You didn’t even get what you came for– you walked straight home, crying, despondent over losing your best friend. (It was the movie scene where the side character gets discarded and cries silently in the rain - you felt so pathetic).

From that point forward, you didn’t bother texting Steve anymore. And he didn’t ever attempt to text you. He ignored you in the hallways and you didn’t ever look up at him when you would pass each other either. 

Throughout all this, Nat and Bucky were there for you when you came to them about what happened and your waning friendship with Steve. Nat was pissed while Bucky looked confused as to how your friendship could change so quickly. Even though they were still close with Steve too, Nat and Bucky made sure to include you more during their hangouts or offer to take you home, which you felt grateful for, but it didn’t change the fact they had each other. And that you were still alone. 

College was your wake up call to move on from Steve Rogers. You applied to universities that were all out of state, intentionally left your decision last minute so that no one could talk you out of it. Your parents didn’t approve but ultimately respected your decision. 

You remembered graduation where all of your parents made you take a group photo on the bleachers. Nat and Bucky were on the higher step as you and Steve took the lower one. It was awkward as you two barely looked at each other, and fumbled on where to place your hands. It was Bucky who eventually groaned exasperatedly and placed your hand on Steve’s back while he placed his around your waist. 

You recall the moment that really ended things between you and Steve, which was a party at one of Bucky's friends’ places. Nat and Bucky invited you to come in order to have your ‘last high school experience’ (whatever that meant). Unbeknownst to them, you were leaving the next day for settling in your new university halfway across the world. 

The party was blasting obnoxious EDM and the house was littered with red solo cups and other kids yelling at each other as they played beer pong. Feeling so displaced, you took a beer and headed upstairs to look for an empty room. 

Just your luck, you would enter the one that had Sharon (again, half-naked) on top of Steve (who was again, also shirtless) on the bed. You obviously interrupted them in the middle of something again. As they both turned to look at you, Sharon groaned your name in annoyance with an ‘ugh, seriously?!” and for you to ‘‘get out.’’ You couldn’t help but ignore her as you looked at Steve once more. 

He had this same look of annoyance in his eyes as he sat up on the bed that was so unfamiliar. You’ve never seen Steve look at you like that before– as if you were a nuisance or some sort of insignificant thing. It was the same look that he gave you at the library. He became the bully that he used to protect you from when you were kids. 

Something took over you in that moment where you felt your already fragile heart just shatter into several pieces. Though, somehow, all traces of self-pity and loneliness left your body as you coldly looked over at this stranger that you realized you maybe never really knew in the first place. In that moment, you tuned out Sharon’s nasty words, and only looked at Steve with an intentional, apathetic glint in your eyes. 

The words just slipped out before you could even process them:

“I wish that I had never met you.” 

You could mutedly hear Sharon scoff and give some sort of insult (you couldn’t really remember honestly) since the only thing that you waited for, and wanted to notice, was Steve’s reaction. You watched as the traces of annoyance in his eyes glazed out and changed into something that looked akin to shock, panic and something else that you couldn’t place. 

Satisfied with finally being able to impact him for once, and to let him know how much you hated him in that moment, you turned to leave determinedly– you were pretty sure that you heard him yell out your name before you left but you slammed the door hard, ran down the stairs, and out of the house until you made the trek home. 

You told yourself that night, as angry tears fell out onto your pillow in your childhood bedroom, that you would move on from Steve Rogers. That you deserved more and that you were going to make space for yourself in your own way. 

As you settled into your new apartment, met Wanda as your new roommate (and now your certified best friend), you received a call from Nat and a text from Bucky.

Natasha was, naturally, upset at you for leaving without telling her. She made you promise to never do that again and to come to her more when you needed her. You felt one piece of your heart pull together again at how sincere and emotional Nat was on the phone. You realized that you may have also neglected your best friend when you and Steve were close, and promised her on the phone to never let that happen again. 

Bucky sent a text saying, “Dude, what the fuck,” which is pretty polite for him, considering the context. You apologized and explained to him your desire to build your own life and while he was still mad at you, he expressed his understanding and respect for your decision.

Bucky and your relationship was never very close like Steve’s and his was, but he always looked after you (in his own way). You felt protected by Bucky in ways that you couldn’t with anyone else, and you knew that he would always ultimately support you as he would his younger sister. He told you to text him if anyone were to bother you, and you promised that you would check in with him daily.

You did receive one text from Steve: “I’m sorry for everything, chip.” That was all he wrote. 

You glared at your phone and deleted his text, so overwhelmed with your anger and determination to remove Steve Rogers from your life. It seemed as if your lack of response was enough for him to get the message that you were done since he didn’t text you since that day. 

At Uni, you really grew and developed into yourself. You became involved in college campus life, got a job as a TA, had a boyfriend or two. You dated one guy for six months before calling it off since you were better off as friends, and any other flings that you’ve had were short-lived or just didn’t land well enough to be in a committed relationship. 

But you learned alot from these relationships and ultimately felt grateful to connect with people as you proved to yourself that you were something without the people back home. That you were more than the girl who loved Steve Rogers. You were proud of yourself for that.

Flashforward to now, you’ve just finished your freshman year of college. You’re visiting home for the summer to visit your parents, and to visit Bucky and Natasha, both of them ultimately decided to attend one of the local colleges. You kept your promise with them and stayed close, and even brought Wanda back with you– since introducing her to them last week, she became fast friends with your childhood friends. 

You haven’t really spoken to Steve since that last stint in high school. Considering that your two best friends were still close with him too, and your families were all close, you couldn’t exactly avoid him. But you never talked about what happened in highschool. At the chance that you would see and interact with each other, you would greet him politely even though there was still some animosity there. 

Steve wasn’t outwardly mean or rude, and he would try to talk with you more than once before in the past year, but you were evasive everytime in avoiding anything deeper than a “hello, how are you doing?.” You would stuff down the guilt from his disappointed and hurt expressions as you actively avoided him. You brushed off your friends who were begging you to try to repair your friendship with Steve– and just go back to school, blissfully living in ignorance. 

But now, as you stood in line awkwardly waiting for the Summer Queens County Fair’s haunted corn maze with Steve (your friends suddenly “needing” to get some drinks or go to the bathroom while Steve and you waited for tickets in line), you felt like you wanted to pass away from the how thick the tension filled the air.

You could practically feel Steve’s tense energy in attempting to engage you in conversation. And damn him, he looked good. His muscles looked even fuller as they were accentuated by a basic white tee, and his beard- argh, his beard- only made his features even more rugged and handsome. 

You hated the way that he could still make your heart flutter, even after all this time had passed. 

“So,” you almost jumped when he finally broke the silence. “How have you been, chip?” 

You felt yourself take a minute to defrost your stiff and frozen body as you turned to look at him. You met his curious gaze and said blatantly, “I’ve been okay.”

Silence filled the space again as your bluntness seemed to envelop the air around you. “Uh, that’s good. Are you…–how are you finding your classes?”

You looked back at him with narrowed eyes and just felt a rush of frustration move through you seeing his eager expression, that puppy dog look that always made you feel empathy for him suddenly made you feel annoyed and impassive.

“We don’t have to do this, Steve.” You said to him bluntly while crossing your arms defensively.

Steve’s own eyes narrowed in confusion and he swallowed heavily. He seemed to be thrown off by your comment. “I’m just trying to get to know you again, chip–”

“Well, I don’t want you to get to know me, Steve, okay?!” You interrupted him as your voice raised before lowering in the latter half. 

Looking up at him, you met his eyes for the third time that night, but what you didn’t expect to see was that he looked so crestfallen and sad. 

The guilt that has built up over the past few years swooped in and rested heavily in your chest. Instantly regretting your outburst, you sighed, “Look, I just think that we may be better off just not talking to each other, okay. We don’t have to try to be friends again just because our friends forced us to finally interact with each other since highschool.”

Steve winced at your cutting words, and he still had this sadness on his face as he looked down at his feet before he said quietly, “I’m not trying to…–I just…it’s been a long time, chip. The last time that I saw you, with Sharon and with what you said, I–,” you both winced in that quick rehash of the incident. Steve finished with a weary sigh, “Honestly, I just miss you.” 

You frowned when listening to his words as the sincerity behind it felt displaced, and out of nowhere. You also couldn't help but feel concerned as you really looked at him. Outwardly, Steve looked as put together as he usually did. But people weren’t used to seeing him the way that you had growing up.

Looking closer, his eyes weren’t as bright as they could be, and they looked tired. Slight dark circles were forming underneath his dim eyes, shading his fully bearded face that was just a tad unkempt. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping well and his shoulders had a hunch to them that could be perceived as calmness when you knew that it more resembled a tiredness or despondence. 

Your frown was still on your face as you elected to ignore his declaration of missing you and simply asked, “Are you okay, Stevie?”

At your question, Steve noticeably straightened up and his mouth parted in surprise that reflected in his eyes. You both stood there for a moment as you stared at him with concern and him looking at you with…mirth? With your lips pursed, you glanced at him with narrowed eyes at seeing the humor alight in his eyes, brightening them a bit more towards its familiar shade of cerulean blue.

“Okay, what just happened?” You asked suspiciously. 

Steve’s eyes brightened more and the grin that was growing on his face grew even larger into a soft smile. “You called me Stevie.” 

You lurched back a bit as you replayed the moment briefly in your head and stuttered a bit at the realization. You hadn’t meant to call him that at all, but when you saw that sad look on his face and the signs of it on his body, you couldn’t help but recall moments similar to when you were just kids, walking home, checking in with each other during similar moments, but experiencing these things together. 

“Uh- I– I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call you–,” You blushed and stuttered as you tried and failed at attempting to save your slip. 

“No,” Steve interrupted you, his smile wilting a little bit. “Please, don’t apologize for that. I,– I miss us when we were just kids. Nobody calls me that anymore, well, beyond Nat and Buck, of course.” He said sheepishly while running his hand through his hair, disheveling it even more into a natural, annoyingly perfect quaff. 

You gave him an assented hum and cleared your throat as you looked back down at your feet, giving the flattened grass an invisible kick. You both were quiet again but the awkward animosity wasn’t as present as it was before. You both shifted on your feet a bit more before glancing up at each other from time to time, barely missing each others’ eyes before finally, your gazes met each other at the right time. 

He was looking at you differently– this time with that good-natured smile and levity in his eyes that glinted at you with that same ‘something else’ that you couldn’t quite put a finger on a year ago. 

His small grin was reluctantly infectious as you felt your lips start to curve upwards as a response.

“Whatever.” You rolled your eyes trying to stuff down your smile as you replied with a cheap response. Memories surfaced again of your witty banter that you used to share that always started with Steve’s little smile, and you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh as you opened them again to meet his own humorous gaze.

Steve’s soft smile grew into a teasing smirk, “That’s good, at least I got a smile and a laugh from you before you start to avoid me again.” 

You only gave him an incredulous look at how blatantly out of pocket that sounded before letting out a sudden, full belly-laugh with him. You couldn’t believe that you were laughing again with Steve Rogers. 

You felt this feeling again too - it wasn’t heartbreak, but rather, the shattered pieces that were shoddily put together again throughout the years felt solidified just a little bit more.

The laughs died down and the both of you remained standing there with genuine grins on your face. Before you lost your nerve, you felt a sudden urge to have him listen to you, to hear you, and to understand what really happened between you two. 

“Steve–,”

“Chip, I–”

You both looked at each other and laughed for a moment before he indicated for you to go first. His grin looked so boyish and sincere, you couldn’t help but smile back at him as you two were just high school kids in Brooklyn again. Comfortable and authentic, together. 

About to open your mouth, you get interrupted again by the person that you least expected to see on your visit back home.

“Chip? Steve? Oh my gosh, is that you two? Wow, chip! Look at you, you certainly grew into yourself!” Sharon’s pitched voice pierced the mutual bubble that was starting to form between you and Steve and flattened its existence.

You gave her a quick glance over and were internally surprised to see that she seemed to be exactly the same. Her eyeliner framed her hazel brown eyes that were widened in what looked like surprise, and with a hint of condescension (cause why wouldn’t she look down upon you with all of that pity). Her blonde hair resting softly down her back as she stood there in her floral skirt, her friends right behind her glancing over at you and Steve disinterestedly. 

You stood there and gave her a fake shoddy grin as you greeted her back politely. “Sharon, wow, hi.” Your monotonous tone couldn’t be covered up in time before the words left your mouth.

She only gave you a dull hum before she glanced over at Steve with a smirk. “Hi Steve, how are you?” 

The curious part of you couldn’t help but try to catch Steve’s reaction to her presence. You had no idea where things left with them since you left that day, and you never bothered to ask your friends either. Assessing him, he was looking at her with a nonchalant expression, and you were unsure of how deliberate his reaction was as he made small talk with her. 

Trying to gauge his expression, there wasn’t any sadness present in his eyes anymore, nor was there any mirth. But, you did notice a stiffness there. The corner of his eyes crinkled a little too harshly as he forced a polite smile onto his face. You could see his jaw clench as Sharon droned on about her college experience.

Time couldn’t erase the fact that you did know Steve Rogers for some time– and when he was uncomfortable, he wasn't able to hide it at all. 

The theatrical tunes of the fair and the echoes of people screaming in mirth and laughter suddenly came back in as you hear the booth employee for the haunted corn maze (this line was way too long for what it was worth) call for you and Steve to step on up. 

You couldn’t stifle the quiet mutter under your breath, “thank god” as a wave of relief flooded through your body at being able to escape the dangers that you just experienced as you turned around to follow the employee to the front of the maze. You didn’t even say bye to Sharon, and you didn’t even realize that your friends hadn’t returned from their supposed tasks. 

Your mutter may have been louder than you thought as you heard a snort from beside you. Glancing over, Steve was looking down at you with a returned humor that you just rolled your eyes at him. “Well, it’s not like you wanted to be there anymore than I did. Your tells are still exactly the same, Stevie.” You said derisively. 

Ignoring the harshness of your tone, Steve only smiled more as you slipped boundaries again. You only caught it when you saw that he was simply just staring at you in response. Only then did you catch it and you rolled your eyes again with a small smile. His smile grew more as he intentionally leaned and walked into your path as you both followed the employee. You stumbled to your left at his deliberate clumsiness and shoved him away from you playfully before you could stop yourself. 

You’re teasing around with Steve Rogers. And reluctantly admitting, you weren’t unhappy about it. 

You both continued to shove each other away as Steve kept teasing you until you reached the front of the maze. The employee turned to face you before you went inside to explain the rules and you were listening attentively until you heard a throat clear from behind you. Looking back, you see that it's Sharon and her friends. 

Trying to, but unsuccessfully, cover your agape mouth at seeing that they were actually following behind you this entire time, you clenched your jaw with annoyance and turned to face forward again.

The despair that you felt come in earlier from Steve’s arrival has returned tenfold with Sharon’s presence. Paired with the fact that you’re being forced to have entered a haunted corn maze, your hackles rise angrily at the fact that you’re being forced into a situation with both Steve and Sharon that you didn’t even wanna be a witness to, AGAIN.

Feeling suddenly so tired and exhausted, you let out a despondent sigh, “Okay, are we doing this or what?” The employee merely raised their eyebrows before motioning you to move forward in the maze.

You could feel Steve’s eyes following you as he tried to walk next to you, but you could hear Sharon trying to engage with him again. You could hear him respond but you didn't really care anymore. You didn't mean to be rude, but you were feeling resentful of all of it again. Especially hearing Sharon’s whiny voice trying to speak with Steve right directly behind you, you once again felt utterly alone. 

Torches and string lights lit up the corn maze. Although, the night sky was void of any lights or stars, which made the maze really feel like a maze– isolated and desolate. You could hear Sharon’s two friends in the back muttering that they were scared as they let out occasional, little screams at any sounds that could be heard (even if it was just the wind grazing the corn harshly, or honestly, the sounds of their own footsteps, ha.) 

Feeling so bored and wanting to leave, you turned around to just go back when you saw Sharon holding on to Steve’s arm with a worried look on her face. 

You were passing by some rows of hay with a sticky red substance spilling all over it when you heard Sharon’s small screech.

“Omg, you think that’s blood?,” She said with a genuinely worried tone. 

You wanted to laugh so bad as you looked over at Steve, just in time to see the rolling of his eyes and heavy sigh. She seemed to be grasping onto him with an even tighter grip and although Steve wasn’t shaking her off, he did have that uncomfortable look on his face again.

His second aggravated sigh and furrowed brows gave away his annoyance as he attempted to subtly create some space between his body and her touch. You turned forward again as the laughter erupted in your throat, but you managed to stifle it in time with a pursed smile on your face at hearing Sharon’s affronted noise in response. 

You could read a mean girl from far away at this point – Sharon’s attitude wasn’t lost on you nor was her sudden closeness with Steve. But it didn’t bother you as much as you thought it would, even if you found out that they were still together after high school. Honestly, a part of you felt satisfied that Steve, the one responsible for the existing tension between you in the first place, was finally just as uncomfortable as you were. To see Sharon offended and to see Steve’s discomfort made you feel a sense of justice and a resurged faith in good ol’ karma. 

That pride you felt in being able to find your own comfort in your healing made you feel giddy. You weren’t in any sense of a relationship that held any drama. It felt good to know that the forced proximity didn’t just affect you at this moment. Yeah, sucks to suck, doesn’t it?

You flinched a few times as you continued walking throughout the maze with some actors coming out to scare you, but as you saw the glaring red Exit sign, you couldn’t wait to get outta there. Speed walking at this point, you were determined to walk out of this maze with your gaze forward, determined to not look back at the two sore points of the past few years. 

You made it to the exit and sighed in relief. You were already a few paces away when you heard Steve call for you.

“Wait, chip! –” 

The body is a wonder - your mind was so fixated on leaving but when you heard him call out for you, your mind flashed to the both of you waiting in line, flashed to the sounds of your laughter mixing together, the feeling of him leaning into you. You didn’t want to but, suddenly, your feet just stopped in place and you turned around to look over at him. Hope swelled in your chest…

And there was Steve. And Sharon. Kissing. 

You inhaled deeply at the sight, not expecting to have caught them, yet again, mid-kiss. The tension knotting in your stomach finally exploded, and your stomach dropped making your feet feel so heavy. It was like watching a car crash happening in front of you - you felt fixated and couldn’t move, turn away. The hope that was swelling in your chest evaporated like mist, and you felt so foolish. The pieces that were somehow lodged together again from your earlier interaction broke into pieces, and felt grinded into dust. The wind took its opportune moment to breeze through your hair, and it almost felt like it intentionally took your longing for your best friend again with it.

Steve gripped Sharon’s arms harshly, shoving her away from him with an angry expression on his face. “Sharon, what the hell?!” He exclaimed. Turning away from Sharon and her pouted expression, his widened eyes frantically found yours. 

Even a few feet away, the panic that you saw in them was familiar. You remember seeing it exactly when you had severed the existing relationship between you and Steve that night. 

You couldn’t help your reactiveness– you were feeling so triggered by what you were witnessing. Your vision started to get blurry as you felt that familiar burning sensation building in your eyes. The panic in Steve’s eyes intensified at the sight, and when he made a move to step forward, your feet instinctively took one step back. 

Completing the reenacted memory, you felt your mouth press into a hardened line as you met his gaze with a ferocious determination. Familiar numbness rose up and a lethargic apathy just washed over you. You bravely met his gaze and although the words weren’t being said, you and Steve both heard the words.

“I wish that I had never met you.” 

The truth was, the anger and rage that you were feeling (and let’s be honest, the resentment that you suppressed and just gaslit yourself into reframing it as healing) was just the surface. Underneath, a deep and hollow feeling of just being unwanted and undesirable bubbled up with a vengeance. You didn’t wanna hear it, but you were tired, were abandoned by your friend(s), and energy depleted from tonight’s event. You knew you couldn’t be there any longer. 

Your feet continued to step back slowly as you heard Steve asking for you to please wait - but then Sharon took his arm again needily and you took that as your opportunity to bolt. 

You dropped your teary-eyed gaze away from his almost desperate looking one, mumbled out a quick excuse and left with a brisk nod. It was just like when you were 17 again, you heard Steve call out your name again but you don’t stop to look. You didn’t see him staring after you so longingly and looking so dejected, nor did you see him blatantly remove his arm from Sharon’s grip again while they hushed out intense looking whispers at each other. 

The parking lot of the carnival was in sight as you wiped away the bitter tears from your face. You knew that leaving was immature of you, and you knew that you would disappoint your friends. You knew that you were breaking your promises to Nat and Bucky (and now Wanda) about talking with them before making any impulsive decisions.

You reached your old pick-up and opened the door harshly. The tears wouldn’t stop as you stood outside the car. Almost child-like, your hands curled into fists as you brought them to your eyes and just sobbed. 

For a moment there, you thought that maybe…maybe you could start again. Maybe you and Steve could rekindle your friendship, or at least, talk things through. You thought that maybe you’d be able to continue laughing again. You shook your head, feeling so much pity for yourself. 

Heaving out another wilted sigh, you closed your eyes and tilted your head back to allow the fresh winded air to dry your tears upon your chilled face. You needed time to think, and you knew exactly where you wanted to go, and what you needed. 

The sweetness of the chocolate shavings melted in your mouth, leaving only the sugary taste behind. You took another sip of your milkshake and made sure to swipe some whipped cream from the top for an extra sweet finish. 

The diner was mostly empty, spare a truck driver or two sitting by the bar tops. You mindlessly stir your milkshake some more with the plastic straw and couldn’t help but relieve another sigh from your body. You came to the diner for nostalgia’s sake, and a chocolate chip milkshake was always a huge dopamine boost for whenever you were feeling sad. 

But this time, getting your favorite milkshake at the diner left more of a sour taste in your mouth as each sip just reminded you of Steve.

You decided that you would try to bring yourself to feeling better before you left for home, which meant drinking your milkshake, making small talk with Betty (the sweet, old waitress who has been giving you milkshakes for free since you were a teenager), and settling the grievances that you could actually fix. 

You instantly texted Wanda to let you know that you had left the carnival, and that you hoped that she was having fun going to the bathroom for the past hour. Instantly receiving an apologetic text back for ditching you with Steve, you figured it was as good a time as any to also let her know that she would have to ride back with Bucky and Nat (given the fact that you also had basically left her there too). She sent you the mouth wide open face emoji, and you knew that you both could call it even.

Nat texted you a selfie of her and Bucky pouting remorsefully. It was enough to make you crack a grin (Bucky looked so ridiculous). You demurely sent them back a picture of your middle finger (because you were the bigger person of course), which only had her text back an apology with an IOU. You knew that they were only trying to be your friends, but at least you would have this photo as blackmail for future purposes. 

You started to play a game on your phone mindlessly when you heard the door ring, indicating a new customer walking in. Not even looking up, you proceeded to win the next level of the game until someone set another chocolate chip milkshake down on your table. 

“Oh, it’s okay, Bet, I didn’t want–,” you started to say as you looked up. But it wasn’t Betty who dropped off the milkshake. 

It was Steve. 

Your eyes widened a bit in just processing that he was actually there, standing in front of you. He actually came to find you? The scene from earlier was so crystal clear and akin to your high school memory, you were convinced that that would be it. As you sat there staring doe-eyed at Steve, the scene had felt like it glitched as it was now playing out differently than you had expected.

Heat rose to your cheeks as your gaze focused on Steve’s determined facial expression. You turned forward to face your new milkshake and deliberately avoided his narrowed gaze. You could feel him still staring at you and you shifted uncomfortably. He didn’t say anything but moved to sit across from you in the booth, heaving out a heavy sigh of his own as he did too.

You kept your eyes down as the both of you let the silence permeate the air around you. A few minutes passed before you were about to officially just get up and leave when Steve broke the silence first. 

“I swear,” he turned to look over at you with an exasperated gaze. “I had no idea that she was going to be there.”

A disbelieving scoff came out of your mouth and you rolled your eyes blatantly. “Steve stop, again, you don’t have to do this – “ 

“Stop saying that, chip!” His voice was filled with a sternness that you couldn’t ignore. Your eyes widened at him as he continued, “I’m here because I want to be, okay? Not cause Bucky, or Nat, or your family told me to or forced me to. I found you - and I asked you to wait earlier and you ran away, again!”

A glare scrunched up your face as your fury rose up at the audacity of his scolding, “Excuse me?! I didn’t want to wait because I didn’t want to watch you and Sharon sucking each other’s faces off, again!” You flourished your mocking with a tight expression and only caused Steve to oppose you even more.

“She was the one who kissed me – I didn’t want to be there with her either. I haven’t even seen or spoken to Sharon since you left!” Steve blurted out.

Your heart felt like it was racing in your chest and your mind blanked at hearing Steve’s reveal as you tried to stutter out a response. “What– I don’t–,” words were hard. You thought that they were together for some time during the year in college. With the way that Sharon was acting, you assumed that they were still interacting with each other, somehow, at the very least.

Steve took advantage of your surprised silence and continued, “God, chip. After what happened at the party, I just…I realized then how much I hurt you.” He looked at you with such remorse as you just continued staring at him. The hardness that was built over the years was still surrounding you, trying to protect you, even if Steve was professing his regret. 

“When I heard you say that you regretted having ever met me,” you both flinched at the words as he said them, “and this look in your eyes…it looked like you really despised me and I felt it and I just–,” Steve cut himself off with another flinch and pinched his eyes shut. 

“I let it get to my head. When I made the team and when people started to pay attention to me, when those bullies stopped bothering me and actually invited me to things, I lost sight of what really mattered to me the most and that was you. I know that that is a stupid excuse, and that I was hurting you, even way before what happened at the party and I was dumb, immature, and just stupid, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, chip.” He spewed out the words faster than he could coherently process them but the sincerity could be heard in his rushed tone. 

His downcast, teary eyed gaze met yours and you felt your breath hitch slightly at the sight. Growing up with Steve, he was always the formidable one. He was the one who reached out first to hold your hand if you cried. The one to maintain composure and calmness while you were the one who was more nervous and panicked. To see Steve so out of breath, wistful, and low-spirited was worrisome and unfamiliar to you. 

You were at a loss for words as you tried your best to process his words. Steve bit his lip nervously as he tried to gauge your reaction. When you only met him with more silence, the despondent look in his face only grew, “Please. I completely understand if you still don’t want to be friends, and after this, I’ll completely leave you alone. But honestly, chip, I can’t leave knowing that you still hate me. I- I know that’s selfish, but I can’t.” 

You moved your stare to blankly look at your melting milkshake, the whipped cream completely evaporated into the cold drink. 

“You hurt me.” You blurted out.

Steve almost looked startled at hearing your voice after such a lingering silence. “I know, and I’m so sorry–.”

“No, Steve,” You interrupted him indignantly, “you hurt me.” The tears blurred your unseeing gaze again as you focused enough to meet his own. The whimper dislodged in your throat as you could no longer hide the suppressed pain.

Just like that, the both of you were 15 years old again. You were crying after being teased by other kids or bullied for your flaws, and Steve was there trying to console you. The impact of these experiences were a shared burden impenetrable to your friendship together.

The difference now is that, instead of your tears being spurred by the mean-spirited popular kids, Steve was the one who committed the offense, a betrayal that cut so deep and you were the only one to shoulder the burden. 

Steve swallowed heavily as he blinked furiously to hold his own tears at bay. He seemed to understand what you were saying as his eyes glanced over the different features of your face. He knew all of your vulnerabilities and ignored, neglected his care of you by treating you the way that others had growing up. He abandoned you when you needed him the most, and he had to understand the severity of that in the same way that you tried to tell him then as you were now. 

Steve exhaled deeply as he looked over at you. His still despondent eyes held a layer of genuine understanding as he apologized despairingly, “I’m so sorry.” 

You sniffled as tears fell freely onto your cheeks, your puffy eyes and pained expression causing Steve to flinch in his own despondence. You brought a closed fist to your face again to wipe the tears and winced as you suddenly felt strong, sturdy arms envelop you in a soft embrace.

The tears only came down stronger at the feeling of hugging your best friend. Not feeling so alone anymore, your heart cried out with you in relief as you turned and tucked your face into his chest, your arms moved to clutch his back. Once you did, his embrace only became tighter as he squeezed you to him closer. 

You both sat there for a while, just hugging, soft sobs falling from your lips while Steve continued to repeat quiet, but earnest, apologies. After a year of animosity, sadness, and unresolved hurt, the both of you silently agreed to let this moment just be. 

Eventually, your tears stopped running so harshly and you sniffled back your snot-filled nose very charmingly as you reluctantly pulled away from his warmth. Steve still kept one muscular arm around your shoulder as you looked up at him hesitantly.

“Stevie?” You began to ask. Steve responded with a soft hum for you to continue while rubbing your shoulder soothingly. It didn’t even seem like he noticed that he was doing it.

Before you could lose your nerve, you meekly asked, “Why did you start pulling away from me when you started dating Sharon?” 

Steve’s hand froze and he stilled as if he were preparing for the worst. He sighed while closing his eyes for a moment. Taking a breath, he opened them back up to look at you with a resolved and honest gaze.

“When I told you that Sharon asked me to the prom, I thought that would’ve been the moment that you told me that you liked me the same way that I liked you.” 

Your heart thundered so loudly in your chest as you gave him a shocked, glazed over expression. 

He liked you.

“But then you smiled at me, and you said that you were happy for me, and, I guess a part of me felt like I was foolish to have ever thought that you would actually like me more than a friend. I continued things with Sharon because I felt like I had to get over you.” He said regretfully. 

You blinked up at him a few times before you asked dumbly, “And that’s why you were pulling away? The lies and the fake excuses, or why you ignored me when you were with Sharon?” 

Steve flinched with each question as he confessed, “Yes. It was really immature of me to ignore you. If I could go back and do it over, I would in a heartbeat.” An intentional look sat on his face as he expressed his remorse. 

You released another speechless hum in return, still processing that Steve liked you. In a spur of your own adrenaline running through your body, you suddenly disclosed, “Steve, I did like you the way that you liked me.”

Steve stilled and inhaled sharply, “...W-what do you mean?” 

Mustering up your own fostered courage, you exhaled deeply and said, “I liked you too. But I was your best friend. I thought that you were the one who didn’t like me, so I thought that if I supported you in dating Sharon, I wouldn’t lose you completely.” You felt your face scrunch in confusion as how ridiculously unnecessary this entire separation was.

He only looked at you with incredulity as he realized, “So, because we couldn’t just buck up and tell each other honestly in that moment that we liked each other, we ended up losing each other anyways?” 

“Ugh, what a mess.” You revered and knocked your forehead against his chest ashamedly. You both were quiet again as he resumed rubbing your shoulder calmingly. 

“Chip?” Steve suddenly spoke out. 

Raising your head up to look at him again, still cringing from such a huge misunderstanding, you gave him a soft hum to continue his inquiry. 

Steve looked down into your eyes, making you feel mesmerized with how deeply he was gazing at you. From how close your faces were, you could really see the subtle hints of green in his blue eyes. There was still some grief there as you looked at each other but there was again, something else that you still couldn’t point out. 

Noticing that unknowing glint in his eye for the second time that night, you questioned him curiously hoping to finally find out, “What is it?”

“I like you.”

Your breath hitched at his confession, his eyes filled with mirth again and an honesty that couldn’t be faked. Your thundering heart skipped a beat as you felt your own spirit restore within you. You could feel those pieces in your heart start to build again. 

You looked back at him with such relief as Steve pulled you in closer, you took in another deep breath as you responded.

“I love you.” 

His eyes immediately glowed with an infectious joy, a genuine laugh and smile graced his face as he got closer to you. You could hardly breathe as you returned his loving gaze, his nose nuzzled yours gently until the both of you met each other halfway in a tender, first kiss. 

A/N: my cue to say: and they lived happily ever after! i would love to know what people thought, thanks for reading :)

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[lynnbanks]

Luke was too rough

Her hands grip the sheets beside her desperately looking for an anchor to earth. Luke has her legs spread as far as they can to fit himself between them trusting hard and deep “Feel that baby?” he asked as he pushed on her lower stomach causing her head to roll back as well as her eyes “That is me mh fucking you so deep.'' They haven't seen each other in a week with him going to see his friends and y/n visiting her family and it has only made everything more intense and rough just like it always is when they are away from each other.

Until Luke thrusts a too-deep hitting her cervix “Luke stop stop stop!” she squeals out pushing on his lower stomach to get him to stop before turning over onto her stomach with her knees to her chest “What happened baby did I hurt you?” Luke is panicked. It all happened so fast y/n couldn't do anything but nod her head face still on the mattress.

“I'm so sorry, how can I make it better?” she shook her head not being able to talk yet, and grabbed his hand. She sat there for 5 minutes before she could talk without it hurting. Luke was getting really worried “Do we need to go to the hospital?” trying to catch her breath “Just- went too deep Lu that's all I'm okay,” she said gently turning on her back to look at him

“It's not ok I hurt you I'm so sorry.” he sounded mad like he found out some guys pushed you or something but the anger was directed at himself “I'm ok now Luke it's fine.” he shook his head before pulling on some sweats and walking into the bathroom for a rag to clean her up.

“Luke.” he doesn't look at her just continues to clean between her legs so she grabs his wrist stopping him “Look at me Luke.” he does and she sees the look of guilt on his face “I'm okay You have always been big we just got carried away you don't need to worry about me.” he lets out a deep breath “I am worried about you and I feel like a piece of shit for hurting you It won't happen again.”

He said the last part more to himself to y/n “I want you to see a doctor just to make sure everything is okay.” y/n pulled him to lay next to her so she could cuddle up to him “ I will call them tomorrow please don't beat yourself up about this Luke.” he drew patterns on her back staring into space “ I won't I promise.” and he was lying through his teeth.

The next day y/n woke up very sore with some lower back pain and had breakfast in bed from her still very guilty boyfriend. After breakfast, she gave her ob a call just to see what she had to say. After her call, Luke hounded her about everything she was told: “She said that it happens to women everywhere all the time and to not do any sexual activities until it heals.” Luke looked happy enough with those answers and she thought they would move past this whole ordeal.

She was wrong, it had been two weeks since they last had sex and Luke hadn't so much as cuddled with her for more than five minutes at a time he barely touched her, and every time they kissed she initiated it. When she sat on his lap to watch a movie with him she could feel him tense up “Luke you know you can touch me right?” He looked at her like she was crazy. “Of course I know I can touch You just pulled me from my train of thought is all.”

They were about 30 minutes in when Y/n started kissing his neck she started small and worked her way up getting more and more confident especially when he let a groan slip “Baby we are getting to the good part.” y/n didn't stop her kisses just turned his head to plant one on his lips he tense before giving in and kissing her back. It got pretty heated and y/n moved to be sitting straight up on his lap and tugging at the bottom of his shirt.

That pulled him from his love-drunk daise “Stop trying to get undressed we aren't having sex.” he said it so straightforwardly that it took her by surprise. “Um, right, sorry, I thought we had something going there that is my fault for assuming that boyfriends and girlfriends have sex or can stand to be around each other at all,” she said with tears in her eyes before getting up to go to their room “y/n wait. I didn't mean it like that." She ignored him and ran up the stairs. She wasn't normally this emotional but then again Luke had never denied her of anything.

Luke had no idea what to do of course he wanted to have sex that wasn't the issue he just couldn't do it if it was going to hurt you and he promised he would never do that. After letting her cool off for a while he knocked on their door before letting himself in. “ go away” she had been crying and that broke his heart “ I just want to talk about it. I love you and I don't want to see you cry.” y/n sat up and looked at his dead in the eyes “ then leave.” and flopping back down on the bed.

She knew she was being childish but she was upset and pent-up “Just listen to what I have to say please. when I saw you in pain knowing that I caused it I didn't know what to do with myself and I never wanted to cause you pain ever again. I'm sorry I was scared and upset that I hurt you and I hurt you again by not giving you the attention you deserve.” y/n sat up and pulled him into a hug “ I'm sorry if I made you feel guilty. It's just that we already have so little time to be together during the session I got into my head and we both work well with clear communication so we should stick to that next time we are feeling some type of way.”

“ I completely agree and just so you know whenever you are ready to finish what we started downstairs I am totally up for that.” y/n tackled him to the bed before he could say anything else

[peppermintquartz]

Tommy's expression is unreadable as Eddie stammers through his explanations, but as Tommy moves past him, Eddie flinches.

"Get out," Tommy says, orders, before he pulls a chair next to the bed where Buck is currently still unconscious.

"Tommy, I'm sorry, I-" I shouldn't have been drinking. I shouldn't have been on the bridge. I shouldn't have fought him when he tried to stop me.

"I said, get out." Tommy doesn't even turn to look at him. His big hands envelope the limp, lifeless one lying on top of the sheets. Big and gentle and desperately hoping for a reaction. "Don't come back until Evan says you can."

Eddie wants to say more, but something about Tommy's rigid posture stops him. Gulping down his useless apologies, Eddie steps out of the ward.

Hen and Chimney are still there, faces solemn.

"You wanna wait for Maddie? She's brought Jee to Karen." Chimney sounds tired. It would have been better if he sounded angry or disappointed. But he just sounds tired, like he'd really rather go home and lie down in bed.

Eddie would rather be stabbed in the eyes with a rusty nail.

He nods and sits, burying his head in his hands. He feels Hen sit next to him, and she's patting his shoulder. "I told Bobby too. He's on his way."

"I screwed up so bad," Eddie whispers. "How am I ever going to... Why did it have to be Buck? I should be the one, I should be dead. I didn't mean to, to hurt him, I never wanted him to-"

"Because he loves you, like we do. And he would be so angry if you'd actually done it." Hen exhales slowly. "I am angry at you. I'm boiling with rage. You screwed up, and Christopher went to Texas, and instead of seeing how that is a reason to get better, you do this. You are more than this, Eddie. How can you not see it?"

Eddie swallows around the lump in his throat. His eyes are wet. He doesn't think he'll ever feel more than a pathetic piece of shit again.

She sighs again. "I'm not good at this. I'll leave the big life lessons to Bobby, he'll get you to understand."

Eddie is shaking with regret, tears running down his cheeks. "Tommy won't even look at me. Won't listen."

"If it was the other way round, would you?"

There's no need to say more. Eddie slumps over, letting his tears fall freely from his face to the floor. Shock. Guilt. Both. Because his best friend nearly died trying to keep Eddie from offing himself. He looks up when he hears footsteps.

It's Maddie, rushing down the corridor. Her hair is in a messy bun and her face pale and blotchy, like she's been crying. She hugs Chimney, clings to him, as he tells her what the doctor has told them.

Then she sees Eddie.

Eddie shrinks into his chair as Maddie approaches. But all she does is crouch down to look him in the eyes. "You okay, Eddie?"

He clamps his jaw tight, but his lips wobble. He nods, thinks better of it, and ends up with a strange shrugging motion. She cups his cheek and then takes a deep breath.

"He'll be okay. He's my brother."

After Maddie goes inside, Tommy comes out. His face is still stony when his eyes fall on Eddie, who doesn't dare hold his gaze for long. But Tommy only turns and walks down the other side of the hallway and leans against the wall. Chimney joins him.

Hen puts a hand on Eddie's shoulder, keeps it there.

[mylovelies-docx]

Sorry, I Love You - Part 10

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?! I'm finally posting Part 10 after an unplanned/unexpected hiatus?

Yes. I am. Sorry for the long wait!

Plot: You and Bucky have a good thing going - best of friends that also have more than a little chemistry between the sheets. Everything is fine until you develop feelings for the man who doesn't want a relationship. What will happen when Bucky finds out?

C/W: Angst, HYDRA experimentation, mentions of death. (Dear sweet Hyunjin in the gif below also a CW for myself and other Stays)

Word Count: 3,075

Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)

[Prologue][Part 1][Part 2][Part 3][Part 4][Part 5][Part 6][Part 7][Part 8][Part 9]

You hear Bucky’s key rattle in the front door and the soft snick as it closes downstairs. You’d arrived at your shared home only minutes ago, but that was plenty of time for you to race upstairs, lock your door, and start bawling into the pillow. You hiccup and choke, suffocating the sounds into the cotton fabric clenched between your teeth. 

Why?! Why did Bucky have to go and say that shit? As much as you had hoped and begged the universe for Bucky to say those words to you earlier this year, it responds to your pleas now?! You’ve spent months resigning yourself to having him as a friend only – that’s what he said he wanted! 

Why would he change his mind? Is it because he’s had a change of heart? Doubtful. Bucky was very certain in his decision to shut you down and out of his life. So what? Is it because you’re hanging out with Petre? Is he jealous? How? Why?

Bucky’s actions towards you tonight make no sense. Why would he say something that he knew would upset you? And if he didn’t think they’d upset you, what’d he expect? That you’d run and leap into his arms, no more words needed? Why the hell would he think that’s what would happen? He can’t just act like he didn’t completely eviscerate your heart that night in the alley and that morning in the kitchen. 

Those days are burned into your memory, not a day goes by that you don’t remember the way your words affected him and his response. He was so betrayed and angry that he lashed out at you for admitting that you wanted more than the no-strings-attached, friends-with-benefits situation that you had. 

But now – now! – he wants to say you could be together? Together in what way? As fuck-buddies again? Hell no. There’s no way that you will ever put yourself through that pain and hardship again. Not for him, not for anybody. You want something real. 

You’d wanted something real with Bucky, but he’d shot you down as soon as you’d brought it up.

Bucky’s footsteps shuffle from the front door and up the stairs, stopping just outside your door. You hold your breath but continue to flinch as your lungs spasm on unuttered cries.

A soft rap sounds at your door and Bucky murmurs your name softly into the doorjamb. You squeeze your eyes shut and keep your voice as calm and level as possible, but it still cracks when you say his name. “Leave me alone, Bucky.”

“Doll, I –”

“I don’t want to hear it!” You respond vehemently, chucking your wet pillow at the door. It smacks against the wood with a thwump and lands in a sad heap on the floor. It looks just like how you feel. “Just go away.”

You can hear Bucky suck in a shaky breath, but you refuse to picture his watery eyes and quivering lip. He has a right to feel like shit, but you are under no obligation to try and assuage his guilt when he’s the one that caused this whole mess.

His bare feet tread across the hallway and into his bedroom, his bedroom door barely making any sound as he closes it behind him. His shower starts up a few seconds later and stays on for nearly an hour. After that, his bed creaks and there’s not another sound to be heard.

You don’t sleep that night.

***

“I need to leave.”

“What?” Nat hisses through the phone. It may be 4 am here, but the team is having dinner together right now back in New York. Nat’s whispering voice is her attempt at keeping this conversation between the two of you while she walks away from the dining room to talk. You can hear her boot-clad leg thunk, thunk, thunk its way across the hardwood floors as she finds privacy.

“I need to get away from Bucky,” you explain further.

“What did that fucker do this time?” Nat questions menacingly, already gearing up to kick Bucky’s ass with no information.

You heave a sigh and watch your breath fog in the air, the cloud hanging heavy in front of your face before slowly dissipating in the humid, cold air. “He… he said something about us. As in, him and I. Like we could go back to how we were.” You bite your chapped lips and worry the dry pieces of skin with your teeth. “I didn’t handle it very well.”

Nat is silent for a long moment, the other end of the line buzzing over the long distance. Finally, she says, “He said he wanted to be friends with benefits again?”

“Well not exactly,” you hedge. “He got all weird and jealous when I was hanging out with Petre last night like I always do. We got into a fight and he said that it could be us sneaking off together like we used to and I just… I lost it.” You hurriedly wipe an oncoming tear out of your eye, surprised you’re even hydrated enough to produce anything after last night’s sob fest. You suck in a shaky breath and continue. “Nat, I can’t do it again. I can’t.”

“I know, honey,” Nat consoles, her voice soft as she shushes you. “I won’t let you do that to yourself again, either. You know I’m here for you – and so is the rest of the team.” You make a questioning noise at that last part and Nat explains. “Well… the whole team kind of knows why you left.”

“...they do?” You press the palm not holding your phone against your forehead, pushing hard to focus on anything but the embarrassment the situation makes you feel. You chuckle humorlessly and say, “Everybody must think I’m pathetic now.”

“We absolutely do not,” Nat states defensively. “Wanda and I were giving him so much shit after you left and no one knew why – Bucky eventually had to tell everyone after I nearly put him in a coma when he finally found the guts to spar with me.”

You do crack a genuine smile and laugh at that. “You’re telling me Wanda was mean to him?”

“Well, I mean,” Nat laughs as well, “she didn’t put smiley faces on his pancakes when she made everybody breakfast. Trust me when I say everyone noticed her displeasure with him.”

You feel the overwhelming urge to wrap Nat and Wanda up in hugs that are long overdue. The love for your friends overflows from your heart and manifests in your words: “I love you guys so much.” It’s no substitute for the hugs you want to give, but it’s all you can offer at the moment.

“We love you, too,” Nat replies. You’re both quiet for a moment, you soaking in the silence of the frozen outdoors and Nat chewing on the question you can practically hear filling her mouth and pushing against her lips.

You sigh heavily. “Out with it, Nat.”

She sucks in a breath before starting. “You know I’m always on your side…”

“Uh-huh.”

“...but are you sure that’s what Bucky meant?” she finishes.

“Huh?” you question dumbly. “What else could he have meant? He accused me of going off and fucking Petre every time we left a room – TMI, but that’s exactly what Bucky and I used to do. So when Bucky said we could be like that, I don’t see how he could have meant anything else.”

You hear a smack from Nat’s side of the line and a grumbled ‘stupid motherfucker…’ before she composes herself and resumes the conversation. “Do you want me to talk to him?”

“Not particularly,” you respond. “I’d rather you just come and get me.”

“You know I would in a heartbeat, but this mission took a long time to set up…”

“Yeah, I know,” you sigh. “I wouldn’t actually leave over this, but it’s just nice to know that you’d come and get me if I asked.”

“Always,” she says. 

You and Nat chat for a little longer before you end the call, citing your need to head into ‘work’ soon. You hang up, feeling better for having spoken with your best friend. 

Your improved mood lets you ponder on what Nat was trying to get at about Bucky’s intentions. Does she know something you don’t? The answer is likely yes, her being who she is and all. But if she has reason to doubt your interpretation of Bucky’s actions last night, don’t you owe it to yourself to find out for sure?

Mind made up, you send a short text to Bucky. 

Can we talk?

A few seconds pass as you type out a follow-up message, but you’re interrupted by Bucky’s text.

You’re not here. Where are you?

You smile at the realization that Bucky had to have sprinted to your room, saw your empty bed, and then searched the entire house in record time before sending his text.

Your stomach fills with anticipatory nervousness, but you remind yourself that you’ve already gone through hell without Bucky once, so if there’s something in the way of being in each other’s lives you need to clear it up.

I’m getting an early start at work. I’ll call you during lunch?

Please. 

***

The morning rushes by in a blur. Your tasks take you up, down, and around areas of the HYDRA facility you’ve never had access to before. You can’t be seen lingering around any certain area, but you take every opportunity to peek inside rooms and hallways when no one else is around. 

There’s one particular hallway that catches your attention – not because there’s any screaming or moaning coming from the cells along the walls, but because there is a steady beep, beep, beeping coming from multiple heart rate monitors. 

You’re unable to investigate since a scientist with dark hair stands at one of the open cells at the end of the hall. His clipboard hangs down at his side as his other hand rests on the doorjamb as he watches whatever is happening inside. He’s too far away for you to get a good look at him, but his height and build seem… familiar. You stare for long seconds as he continues to linger, wracking your brain for how you recognize him, but footsteps down your hallway cause the man to startle and scurry away in the opposite direction.

The person who scared the man away rounds the corner towards you. You recognize them as the scientist that had sent you down here in the first place. Quickening your pace, you rush over to them.

“Hello, sir. Here are the materials you requested.”

“Yes, quite,” the man says as he takes the samples from your hands. 

He riffles through the sealed bags and paper work, a concentrated look on his face. You stand politely next to him, your hands folded in front of you while you wait for a dismissal.

“Argh!” the scientist exclaims in anger. “That absolute buffoon! She can’t even label correctly.” He looks up and pins you with a cold stare. “You. Go collect the bloodwork – and do it correctly!” 

He shoves a piece of paper with the subject’s ID number and location into your chest. You reach up quickly to catch it and bow your head in deference. “Yes, sir. Right away.”

He storms off, stomping his way to presumably berate the poor technician who collected the samples the first time. 

You sigh, glancing down at your phone. It’s well-past lunchtime and you need to call Bucky, but this task needs to be completed first. You’ll call Bucky soon and hopefully he’ll apologize and clear everything up. The anxiety from this morning returns and causes your stomach to tighten and a lump to form in your throat.

It’s okay, you tell yourself. He’s been trying to apologize since it happened. If he confesses the reason behind why he got weirdly jealous last night, you will tell him that he has no reason to be – that there hasn’t been anyone for him to be jealous over. Especially not a civilian during an undercover mission. 

Would that be too much? Would he think that if you haven’t been with anyone since you left that you’re still hung up on him? Even though you told him you’d never actually loved him (a massive, bald-faced lie), would he still accept your words at face value even when your actions contradict them?

Why did he say all that last night? 

If he doesn’t want to have any kind of intimacy with you, why’d he suggest being friends with benefits again? Did he suggest being friends with benefits again? It certainly seemed like that was what he was implying, but Nat’s words from this morning makes you doubt your assumption. 

If he wasn’t talking about reverting back to your situationship that you both clearly regretted – for different reasons – then what?

Ugh, you sigh. This is too much. You’ll figure it out when you call him.

You find the medical supply closet and collect the needles, tourniquets, vials, and labels necessary for the samples. Looking down the list, you see that the location is actually the hallway you were interested in earlier. Gathering your supplies onto a cart, you head out.

***

You’ve collected two of the samples when you run into Olaf, the contact you last spoke with when you first arrived. You had just left Subject #268’s room and nearly ran right into the man.

“Oh, hello,” you greet sincerely before registering the wild look in his eyes and his bloodless face. “What’s wrong?”

Olaf shoves you back into the room and looks around frantically. “I need to go,” he states, frightened. “I need to leave and I have to take my family with me.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” you murmur, setting your hand on his shoulder. “Deep breaths.” You show him an exaggerated inhale and exhale, staring into his eyes and trying to calm him down. “Tell me what’s going on.”

The breathing exercise does nothing for him. Olaf grabs your hand and squeezes hard. “They know.”

“They know?” you question. “Who knows what?”

“They know that I contacted the Avengers!” He nearly shouts. You shush him with your other hand over his mouth, but he rips it away and continues. “They know I brought you here and that we’re trying to shut this place down.”

“Hold up,” you plead. Your heart races in your chest at the implications. “Why do you say that?”

“I heard them!” he rasps. “I heard them discussing the ‘rats in the organization’ and that they’re finally ready to get rid of them.”

“And you think that’s us? Why?”

“Why else would they mention my name and the Avengers in the same sentence moments later?!” Tears leak down Olaf’s face and his breaths heave in and out of his chest.

“Okay. Okay,” you say, a million thoughts and plans running through your mind. “Get out of here. Go get your family and run – it doesn’t matter if you look suspicious since they’re already aware of the situation.”

Olaf nods his head rapidly and starts to back out of the door and into the hall. “What about you?” he questions weakly.

“Don’t worry about it,” you say. “I’ll wrap things up here. Just go!”

He nods again and turns to run down the hall, but stops dead in his tracks. A horrible, gut-wrenching feeling invades you. You step out into the hallway and find…

“Petre?” you whisper.

Petre stands there, with his dark hair and clipboard – he’s the one you saw in this hallway earlier. Your brain short-circuits while trying to put all the information together. 

You hear Olar whimper behind you. You turn your head and mutter quickly: “Go.” Olaf bolts down the hallway and out of sight.

You turn back to face Petre, his eyes wide and breathing heavy.

“What are you doing here?” you ask him. “How much did you just hear?”

Petre hesitates for a moment before responding. “Enough.”

“Petre,” your voice is hard. “What are you doing here?”

“They…” his lip quivers. “They have my sister.”

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. “They have Sasha? I thought she was just sick?”

“She is,” he says. “They said that they’re the only ones who can cure her, so my parents… we agreed to their treatment plan. But then they started asking for more and more things – things mother and father weren’t comfortable with. But they said we have to comply if we want Sasha to get better – so I came here at their demand.”

You suck in a deep breath. Something about Petre’s broken, dejected demeanor sends a wave of foreboding through you. “Grab Sasha and run, Petre. You know who I am now. I can help you.”

Petre shakes his head sadly. “She’ll die.”

“No. No, Dr. Cho can figure out what’s wrong – she can help Sasha.” But Petre’s head continues to shake.

“They give her something everyday, something that will kill her if she doesn’t receive her next dose at the correct time. I… I’m sorry. I have to protect my sister.”

A tear slips down Petre’s cheek as he begins to back away from you.

“Petre, please,” you beg. “Give me five minutes.”

“I can’t,” he whispers, and takes off.

You curse and start running. The only thing you can do is get to the control room and wreak havoc. You thunder through the hallways of the compound, dodging scientists and slamming and locking the doors that separate different wings from each other. 

The lights shut off. A loud, blaring siren rings through the facility and emergency lights flash red. On, off. On, off. Your eyes try to adjust to the darkness, then are assaulted by the light only fractions of a second later – the strobing effect causing the scene to look like stop-motion animation. 

You recognize the area you’re in, realizing that the control room is only a few doors away. Shouting and the clambering of combat boots to your left catches your attention. A whole host of agents run towards you, weapons drawn. 

You put on a burst of speed, grabbing the control room door jamb and swinging inside. You close the door and drag a desk to barricade it – it won’t hold for long, but it’s better than nothing. You turn to find several men rising from their desks, startled looks on their faces.

Grimacing, you begin the arduous task of taking lives.

Tag list: @jackiehollanderr @rabbitrabbit12321 @12345sebby @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @lauraashley93 @themorningsunshine @happinessinthebeing @nash-dara @calwitch @stany0url0calwh0res111 @pono-pura-vida @learisa @introverbatim @kentokaze @marvelogic @kaz11283 @terry2227

Part 11

[pandorasprongs]

CHAPTER FOUR | come home to my heart.

'it's nice to have a friend' fic masterlist + playlist | previous chapter

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 3.1k

SUMMARY: jamie tries to get reader to forgive him.

WARNINGS: language

A/N: hello! sorry for such a long wait, i've been on vacation. i also haven't been able to proofread huhu but hopefully the interlude prepped ya'll for this moment because a good chunk of this one is from jamie's pov! don't have much to say because i don't want to spoil much hehe but enjoy jamie's comeback!

Losing Jamie for a second time felt the exact same: like absolute shit. Except this time, you were an adult and couldn't sulk in your room all day. So for the next few weeks, — aside from said crying sessions — you've been dragging yourself to all of your lectures and powering through office hours as if nothing happened.

You already told Liv about it the morning after, and after seeing your bloated face and the fact that you had a massive hangover, she decided to withhold her 'I told you so' speech, much to your relief. 

It was unraveling the exact same way as last time and the cherry on top was the fact that Jamie wasn't reaching out in any way, shape, or fucking form. No texts, calls, or anything. 

Every now and then, you'd think about reaching out yourself. It was you who yelled at him that night and told him to leave, but you would shake your head every time. No, if Jamie really wanted to preserve your relationship, he would have to be the one to reach out. You got to say your piece and that's it.

And maybe you were being a little petty, taking down all your photos with him from the shelf and stuffing them in a box with all the tokens from Jamie that you couldn’t bring yourself to throw away, but at least it stopped you from nearly breaking down every time you passed your hallway.

Jamie wasn't taking it so well either, despite what you assumed.

After that night, he had this sinking feeling in him. He knew he fucked up, — ghosting you and treating you like a complete stranger at the pub in front of his teammates, — but it hurt even more hearing you shout and tell him how badly it fucked you up.

To this day, he doesn't know why he did it, really. Maybe it was the fact that he felt guilty for never talking to you after you left. Or maybe you were right; he cared too much about what his teammates thought that he ended up hurting you in the process. But no matter the reason, he ruined one of his most important relationships that night.

So what was he going to do? What he always did. Ignore it. Focus on the season, despite the fact that Richmond has been on a losing streak since the West Ham game. While Jamie might be off his game because of you, he wasn't going to acknowledge that. Just bury it and hope it disappears.

It wasn't until after the fifth match in the losing streak that he got a message from an unknown number he was forced to confront it. 

Hi Jamie. I'm Liv. I'm not sure if (Y/N)'s mentioned me, but I'm one of her friends and I got your number from her phone. I was hoping to talk to you soon when you're free.

So now, he was sitting in a white office like he was waiting for some test results. It didn't help that the person sitting in front of him was in a lab coat, either.

"Sorry, I know it's weird we had to do this in an office." Liv started and Jamie straightened up in the chair. "I thought you'd want somewhere private to talk."

"Right."

"Yeah, so you're probably wondering why I wanted to talk to you. Uhm, (Y/N)'s been a little off recently. She told me about what happened, which I honestly saw from a mile away, but that's not the point." Liv sighs before continuing. "The last time this happened, back in uni, she practically quarantined herself in her room till her parents came and picked her up. She barely ate, and barely talked to anyone. It was terrible. And I can tell that she's on the way to that again."

Jamie's eyes widened, filled with guilt once again, but he said nothing.

Something about his reaction just triggered something in Liv. "Right, so I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but what the fuck are you doing, man?" The footballer moved back in his chair, but Liv wasn't dismayed. "Why haven't you called her? Or even texted or something."

"I," Jamie's completely at a loss for words. "I thought that she didn't want to talk."

"What gave you that idea?"

"She told me to leave that night so harshly, so I thought..." Jamie trails off, realizing how terrible that reasoning is after saying it out loud.

Liv is thinking the exact same thing, causing her to roll her eyes. "Come on, Jamie! You can't actually think she wants nothing to do with you now. She won't ever say it, but do you know how many times I've caught her checking your contact to see if you've sent anything? She misses you and seeing how shit you've been playing these past few matches, I think it's safe to assume that you miss her too."

Despite this woman being a complete stranger to Jamie, he's suddenly compelled to admit, "Just because she misses me doesn't mean that she wants me back in her life. And I don't think I should be, to be honest." She's better off without me. 

Liv's expression finally softens and she looks down at her desk before saying, "She at least deserves an apology."

—

It had been a few days since then, which Jamie had been using to think it over. He knew Liv was right; he needed to apologize. He just didn't know how. And of course, he had to talk to the most emotional man he knew.

"Jamie! What brings you here?" Ted who, despite the team losing yet another game, greeted quite cheerfully. It almost made the football player turn right back around because he wasn't sure if he was in the mood for his coach's relentless optimism.

But he knew there wasn't anyone else he could go to, seeing as you were obviously unavailable, Keeley was way swamped with her new company, and telling his mum would be indirectly telling your parents too. He shuts the door behind him and moves to Ted's side of the office. "Right, um, I was hoping to talk to you about something."

His coach seems to pick up on Jamie's uneasy demeanor and leans forward with a sympathetic look on his face. "What's up, buttercup? Should I gather the diamond dogs for this?"

Jamie, recalling the name that the coaches and Higgins called themselves, was quick to reject the idea. "No, no, I'd rather not have them find out about this. Uhm, look, I know I haven't been doing my best recently,—"

"Oh, we'll get a win soon bud, don't worry." Ted is quick to reassure the player and while Jamie appreciates it, he shakes his head.

"No, I know, but that's not it." Jamie takes a deep breath before continuing. "It's just, I've been a bit distracted recently."

"Is this about a girl perhaps?"

"No," though Jamie thinks about it for a second. “Yes, but no?" Seeing the slight look of confusion on his coach's face, he explains, "A while back, I reconnected with an old friend. She was my best friend actually, back in Manchester. We didn't exactly end on the best of terms and it was my fault. But when we met again, she told me that I didn't need to apologize."

Jamie continued to recount the past few months to his coach, from his blind date to the Bones & Honey incident, along with what he did to you in the pub all those years ago. 

"So now, I don't know what to do. Her best friend said I should apologize, but I don't really know how. I'm not really the best with these types of things." Both of them still remembered how long it took for Jamie to get the team to forgive him when he first came back.

Ted takes a second before responding, trying to figure out the best thing to say in this situation. "You know Jamie, I've always thought the simplest ways are sometimes the best ones. Overthinking things tends to complicate them more. You want to apologize right? How'd you used to do it when you were kids and you threw your little tantrums at each other?"

"Coach, I don't think bringing her chocolate is gonna work this time around." Jamie gets flashbacks to your first-ever argument as kids. Jamie accidentally ate the last slice of chocolate cake that you had unofficially saved and you stormed out and locked yourself in your room for an hour. 

All it took was Jamie sliding a bar of chocolate through the bottom of the door, explaining that he got hungry, and promising to save her a slice of cake the next time they had a party. You ended up sharing the bar with Jamie.

"Probably not. But in all the times you fought, what were the things that got her to forgive you? What did you say that made her understand your side and know that you actually were sorry for what you did? And how did you prove to her that you weren't going to do that to her again?" Maybe if Jamie thought about this advice later tonight, it'll make more sense, but right now, only one question was occupying his mind.

"D'you think she'll forgive me?" He thinks out loud.

"I honestly don't know Jamie, I don't even know who she is. But if you show her how much you care like how you're showing me right now, I'm sure things will be fine." Ted, now standing, offers a comforting pat on the back.

Without looking up, Jamie whispers, "I never meant to do this to her. To hurt her like that."

"We rarely ever mean to hurt the people we love." Ted offers.

Love. Yeah, Jamie thought, he did love you, even after all these years. Especially after all these years. What, with all the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' bullshit.

"All we can do after is try to atone for our mistakes and hope they forgive us. And even if they don't, at least you leave knowing you tried." Jamie nods his head and thanks his coach for the advice.

As he got into his car to leave the clubhouse, he pulled out his phone. Hi, are you free tonight? I was hoping we could talk. 

He anxiously waited for your reply and started listing all the places he had to pass by before heading to your place if you even answered. But before Jamie even left the car park, you already replied, Sure.

—

Maybe you had been hoping for Jamie's message more than you thought. You were in the middle of the lecture when you got his message, so while your class passed the handouts around, you took the chance to grab your phone and reply.

So now, you were anxiously waiting in your flat, still unsure of how you were meant to feel about all this. You knew there was still anger there, but you weren't sure if exploding on him relieved that feeling or made it worse. A part of you also felt guilty for it too, for not even giving him a chance to apologize in the first place. Maybe instead of awkwardly letting him inside later, you would've been having yet another movie night together.

That's what he was going to do now right? Apologize? You didn't really press on for my details when he messaged you earlier. You just hoped that seeing him again will trigger the right response to whatever he had planned.

You heard the doorbell ring and suddenly, it felt like your heartbeat quickened. You take careful steps towards the door and after mentally preparing yourself for whatever this was going to be, turn the doorknob.

"Hi," Jamie greeted, in the most awkward way possible for a guy as confident as he could. You notice him holding a box of LEGO flowers under his left arm and a pack of chocolate nuggets in his right hand.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, you jokingly ask, "Is your apology just going to be flowers and chocolate?" though it may have come across as harsher than you intended.

"No, but uh, in case you changed your mind about talking to me when you saw me, I thought this would at least get me through the door," Jamie explained and you slowly nodded your head.

"Well, you were right." You take the things from his hand and let him inside. 

You had already cleaned up the place before he came over and hidden all the messy catalogs and test papers in your room for the time being. Its current condition could honestly pass as one of those display sets in department stores.

You placed the items on your dining table before turning back to Jamie who was awkwardly standing in the middle of the living room.

You didn't want to delay this any further. "So, why'd you want to talk?"

"Right," Jamie started, still unable to look you in the eye. "I wanted to say sorry for not messaging you these past few weeks. I've just been busy and Richmond's been on a losing streak too,—"

"Is that really all you wanted to say?" Your tone was soft, but even you knew you were being blunt. You just couldn't handle the sinking feeling of anxiety in your chest anymore and while you might be rushing him, you just wanted to get this over with.

"No, it's not." Jamie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He moves towards you and starts looking at you intently. "I'm sorry. For everything. You deserved an apology and an explanation a long time ago and I can't go back in time, so I want to do it now."

He pauses for a moment, and when you realize he's waiting for you to say something, you respond, "Go ahead, Jamie."

He nods his head and almost looks like he's psyching himself up before a match. He takes another deep breath before continuing.

"I wanted to start from when I started to get distant. I never told you, but after I started at Man City, dad came back into the picture."

"He did?" Your voice was barely a whisper, and you're unsure if he even heard it because he keeps talking.

"You know how he is, right?" Of course, you did. 

Growing up, you knew the exact times his dad would be coming over. There’d be some beat up car in their driveway and if you looked out your window, Jamie’s window blinds would be down. During the early years, you’d ask your mom to call their house, but after the first time and about a ten-minute call with Georgie, she started telling you they were busy. It was only after that outlying car in their driveway disappeared that Jamie would come knocking at your door, asking to play. He'd have this air of discomfort the first few days, but you were so happy being able to see him again that you’d end up ignoring it.

"Anyway, he was on my arse that whole time. He always had something to say after every match about how I fucked up or, how shit I'd been. Even if I was just sitting on the bench, he still had something to say. It was exhausting," You could tell that Jamie was starting to get angry at the reminder of his father, and without thinking, you reach out to hold his hand. Jamie seems to relax at your touch and when he seems to have composed himself, you let go.

"He would go on about the same things. Don't be soft, it's the fucking Premier League and shit like that. I just, I wanted it to stop. And I thought that toughening up would stop him from him getting under my skin. That meant removing everything that did make me soft, vulnerable. One of those things was you, but I realized now that it was in a good way. As in, I only ever felt comfortable and safe when I was with you." Your eyes widened at his confession and you felt tears threatening to fall.

"But fuck, Dad was really in my head back then. I thought that you were making me weak. And I hated the thought of him calling me that. So I stopped picking up your calls and messages. I just blocked you out.

"But when I started to realize I was becoming a prick, I thought you'd never want to talk to me again. That you'd hate me and it wasn't worth trying to get you to forgive me. Plus, Mum always had great stories about you, so I thought you were better off without me. I guess that's why I was such a prick back in the pub, pretending I didn’t know you. Might as well lean into it if I already lost you." At this point, you were resisting the urge to envelop Jamie in a hug and never let go, but you knew he wanted to finish his piece.

"And I know that it doesn't change the fact that it was a shitty way to treat someone I loved, but it's the best explanation I can give you. I really am sorry." Jamie held your eyes, emphasizing how genuine he was being. Someone I loved, did he really just say that? But he starts again before you can even consider what that meant.

"And, I really am trying to be better. I want to be worthy of staying in your life, if you'll let me. This time, I promise I'll never leave you like that ever again."

You were processing his words and couldn't answer immediately, so Jamie added, "And if you decide that you don't want anything to do with me, then you'll never have to see me again. But I promise to keep trying to be better even then."

You continued to stay silent and Jamie took that as your answer. "Right, so that's all I had to say, so I'll be out of—"

You wrap your arms around him, stopping him mid-sentence. The footballer is slow to reciprocate it, but when he does, you're transported back in time. It feels like you're eight again, and Jamie's football team just won the finals. It feels like you're fifteen again, and you've made up during a midnight run to the grocery after a stupid argument. It feels like you're seventeen again, saying goodbye to the only boy you've ever loved.

"I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you yet, Jamie. To go back to how it was before." You finally answer, and if you're being honest, you don't think you ever could go back. "But I want to be able to," you whisper and you feel him relax even more in your arms. "Just, don't fuck it up and leave again. Because I'd really love to have you in my life again."

"I promise I won't." And this time, you believe him.

A/N: and there you go! the angst is over! (or is it? muahaha) some cameos from liv and ted to help snap jamie out of it :) i had written jamie's apology monologue the same time i wrote reader's angry monologue from chapter three with some slight revisions when i put them in their respective chapters, so hopefully it matches up well stay tuned for the next chapter!!

TAGLIST: @moonflowersandsparkles @faith-alons26 @rexorangecouny @aiyaiy @thegirlthatwantedtowrite @giggling-sewer-ginger @katdahlali @higherthanheroes @guccilongboard @alipap3 @rockchickrebel @ellietartt @shineforever19 @skewedcherries @jamietarttdodo @meg-ro @deepdarkvelvet @taytaylala12 @scaramou @rae4725 @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo (couldn't tag you for some reason?)

[xoxoavenger]

hi! I wanted to make an ask for charles xavier x reader but if you don't want or you can't write it, feel free to ignore. :)

basically, the reader is a friend of charles and also a mutant but never really used their powers, and the first time they used was to save him (in the cuba incident). idk more what to write, i just want to know his reaction to being saved and seeing the reveal of readers powers.

oh, and your writing is absolutely amazing!! 💕💕

thank you so much!! this is sorta short but definitely sweet also I don't have the streaming services that First Class is on so it's not completely accurate but its close

Come Through

pairing: Young!Charles Xavier x Fem!Reader

word count: 775

warnings: cannon typical violence and injuries also completely changing canon like the true fanfic writer I am

masterlist

"I told you to stay away!"

"And I told you that you don't make my decisions for me!"

"Oh, you're right, I'm so sorry for caring about your safety!"

"You treat me like-like I'm some glass ball!" 

"Oh my God." Alex groans, looking up at the sky. "Not this again." 

"Do they normally do this?" Moira asks, eyes flitting between the two. They continued their argument as though it was the most normal thing to do at this moment.

"Yes," Hank starts, crawling out of the wreckage. "Though never after our jet has fallen from the sky."  Suddenly, the two have stopped fighting, which causes everyone to turn to them. Y/N and Charles are staring across the ocean, eyes wide in fear. 

"Oh shit," Charles mutters as he stares at the missiles heading in their direction. Y/N grabs Charles' hand, and he squeezes it back tightly. Was this it? Was this the end? Suddenly, they all stop in their tracks. Everyone stares as Erik put his hand up, venom pulsing in his eyes. 

"Erik," Y/N whispers as she sees them all turn in sync. She knows what he's planning, knows that if he does this there's no coming back from it. Mutants will be murdered on sight; there would be a war.

"You don't have to do this, Erik," Charles' hand slips out of Y/N's as she turns to watch him walk toward Erik. Her heart is racing with anxiety and adrenaline.

"Yes. I. Do." As he says it Moira starts firing, every bullet taking more of Erik's focus to deflect, causing a few missiles to fall into the water. Y/N's heart starts to race as time seems to slow for her, head spinning as she realizes something very, very bad is about to happen. 

It flashes before her eyes, the image of Charles being shot, him falling to the ground unmoving. She's barely out of it before she's tackling Charles to the ground, feeling the bullet skim her side but miss Charles completely as they hit the sand. She can't even begin to comprehend what she just did.

The missiles fall as she screams, Erik's attention completely diverting to her. She lets out a wince of pain as Charles immediately flipped over, holding Y/N in his lap and moving his hand to find her wound. It doesn't take long, her letting out a scream as he brushes over it. 

"What have you done?" He yells at Erik, who stared wide eyed at the blood beginning to stain her blue suit. He feels sick at the sight.

"I'm fine," She muttered, a small smile on her face despite the searing ache running across her left side. 

"This is your fault!" Erik yells as he begins to stalk toward Moira, who had dropped the gun and was covering her mouth. 

"No! I didn't mean to," Moira is reeling, guilt clawing at her even though she hadn't been aiming at Y/N.

"Don't even think about it," Hank stops him, raising his eyebrows in threat. 

"How did you know?" Charles asks, and before Y/N can even think about lying his eyes are widening. "Your powers." He mutters, smile on his face only because Y/N was beginning to get up, meaning she wasn't as hurt as he feared. The two were completely oblivious of the others around them.

"I don't know how to control it." She groans as he helps her up, the pair not quite sure how they're going to get off this island. It seems Erik and his friends - including Raven, Charles notes with a lurch of his heart - have teleported off the island. 

"I can help." He tells her, letting her thread her fingers with his. Her arm was around his neck, his around her waist. "I could have helped." 

"It came through when I needed it to." She looks up at him, and he pauses as his eyes flicked to her lips. He was about to lean in as he watched her close her eyes, head tilted up, but then she was flinching away. Charles felt the hurt of rejection run through his body before she let out a hiss of pain and he looked down.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." Hank was kneeling at her side, putting a piece of fabric over her wound. "To stop the bleeding." He looked up at the two, took in Charles' face, and he opened his mouth in shock. 

"Thank you, Hank." Y/N muttered, feeling her face heat up.

"I'm so sorry." He got up and moved away quickly, and Charles chuckled slightly, only feeling a bit awkward. 

"Where were we?" Y/N said, her forwardness surprising Charles. He stared at her, only hesitating one second before putting his lips on hers. 

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts  ━ from various tv shows, part 6

you saw me as someone worth saving.

i didn’t want what happened to change the way you saw me.

we’re gonna get through this. we kind of have to.

sometimes our mistakes follow us.

in fact, i did not start out a bad person.

glory’s fine. revenge is more fun.

as usual, i make the wrong decision.

i was scared. i’m just tired of being scared. 

all that rage is bad for your complexion. 

you are so sweet and naive and dumb.

curious. how many more rock bottoms are you going to have to hit before you start taking care of yourself?

i used to think a lot of shit matters.

talking makes things real. and real things end.

i wanted to be a part of your world. but i didn’t know your world was like this. 

i’m so sick of people telling me who i am.

the guilt of it all. what are we supposed to do with that? 

i don’t want to be afraid anymore.

it’s like i always used to need someone else to make me feel whole. 

you didn’t let me down.

you’re this fiery, passionate person.

we’re working to stop the monsters and to stop people from turning into monsters.

it’s important to have an exit plan that’s more than just an exit.

maybe it’s not so bad when you’re the one holding the knife.

at least i know who i am.

i’m nobody’s guiding light.

i don't belong to anybody.

i was alone. surrounded by people, but still alone.

rise and shine, we’re in hell. 

this is the worst it’s been. that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

you’re going dark on me again.

if you’re bullshitting me, i don’t care.

i never wanted to be the bad guy.

why did anyone ever do shit for me when all i ever did was let them down?

look at you, always standing in my fucking way.

your memory is like… lethally selective.

what if we end up making each other freaking miserable?

what if i hurt you? i’ve hurt people before. very badly.

for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you.

you’re the future, kid. never forget that. 

i guess i just want it to make some kind of sense.

however this plays out, i’m seeing it through with you.

you’ve done a lot, no question. but there is always more.

you believed in me when i didn’t.

this may shock you, but not everyone here likes you.

this place makes you face your demons or something, and turns out, your demons are really fucking ugly.

maybe in the end it’ll be me and you trying together. 

maybe it makes me selfish. i don’t think it makes me wrong.

there’s a whole world out there for you. go. fight for it. be brave.

i'm talking the greater good. doesn't always have to be what's best for everybody.

it doesn’t matter how shitty they are. it still fucks you up when they’re gone.

sometimes, someone comes into your life at just the right moment, you know?

stop being mad at me for wanting a different future.

you’re not like the others. but you know that, don’t you?

this isn’t pressure. it’s winning. 

i want a life where we can just… be. 

the worst has already fucking happened. i don’t think i’ve got it in me to be that scared about something that could be good.

we can’t save anyone until we save ourselves.

if you’re with me, i need you to say it.

what gives you the right to choose who lives and who dies?

i don’t know how this is going to end or what happens to me, but for whatever it’s worth, i am with you. 

why am i always doing bad things in your dreams?

you don’t trust anybody else to take care of things.

enough people have died. 

tell me you didn’t kill anyone. if you say it, i’ll believe you.

thank you for believing in me. 

i don’t wanna die.

i was just following your lead the whole time. we all were.

i’m not a hero. i’m just helping a friend.

i don’t think this is goodbye. 

you need someone to help get you there, and you have to get there.

i’m sorry you met me, but i’m glad i got to know you. i’ll never forget you.

can’t i just blame everything on my mother and be done with it?

the whole world’s haunted.

i did monstrous things. 

you’re happy. which you’re allowed to be, in case you didn’t know.

just because someone saved your life doesn’t mean you have to live the rest of it for them.

it is not up to you to carry everyone else.

put your trust in other people. in me.

sometimes, helping hurts like hell.

i just wish sometimes i had a map to figure you out.

it’s a crazy world out here, full of people who sometimes disappoint us, but it’s damn beautiful.

i’m sorry. small words for something so big.

what do you live for? living takes effort now, it takes everything. those still alive have their reasons.

the world is nothing without hope.

think about what you want. what you truly want.

the bad things we do must be done. we carry that burden so the others don’t have to.

i’m gonna screw with your life just like the way you did with mine.

this place, it’s safe. it’s good for everybody.

we take what we got, and we make it work.

they changed the game, so we change how we play.

oh my god, you killed him.

[lokisivy]

Mad Man- Peter Parker

summary: You and Peter fought about him being reckless when he was saving the city Peter got angry and when he gets angry he gets angry.

Peter's POV is in italics

warnings: Angst, blood, cursing. already established relationship

I supported Peter through everything in his transition through Spiderman, trying to find out what happened with his parents, the loss of his uncle, and finding vengeance for the murder of his uncle. I was happy to be there for him he was the best boyfriend anyone could ask for.

But this was my last straw when he went through my window with blood-soaked hair, bruises on his face, and knife slashes all over his chest The sight was dreadful almost causing tears to run down my face. I was angry at him for getting himself like that it wasn't the first time he had done that. "Peter, what the hell happened!" I yelled my parents were not home.

"Some psycho with a sword." he laughs lightly, holding the leaking wound he lays down on the couch in my bedroom. I got the first aid kit from under my bed. I will yell at him later when he is all patched up.

"fuck that hurts Y/N!" he yelled in pain holding my hips tighter I was stitching his shoulder. I may have been less gentle than normal. "Good" I looked at him briefly. I finished his last stitch and got up to wash my hands.

Peter could sense that you were mad at him. You usually melted in his arms when you were fixing him up. This time, you were stiff and didn't make a convo with him

"Are you mad at me?" Peter asked getting up and following me to the bathroom door

"Yes Peter, I'm mad you got yourself hurt badly," I snap, turning my head.

"Okay, and someone has to do something about what is happening in the city," he shrugged, remaining calm. he is always like that. Clam, he contains himself better than me, and it's frustrating sometimes when we fight and he is not even matching the same level as my voice.

"We have cops for that. It's not your job to go again, drug lords!" My voice got louder. "The cops can't do half of the stuff i can," he said, still clamly, which irritated me more.

"Look at you. you came in covered in blood from head to toe and you may not care about what happens to you because you expect me to patch you up" it was the last time I had to see the love of my life like that I cannot take it when I see him hurting let alone covered in blood almost on the verge of passing out.

"You know you just tell me if you don't want to do that, I don't need you to it. if you don't love me, " he said, trying to guilt trip me he does that every time he gets hurt, trying to make me feel bad.

"No peter its because i love you. You know I won't leave until you're healed," i said, fire building through me why cant he get mad like I am.. he doesn't answer me he stayed silent.

"What you want me to stich you up then kiss you after almost dying, not this time." i turn my back to him, proceeding to wash my hands seeing the crimson blood filling my sink. I took a glimpse in the mirror. i saw him behind me running his hand through his hair, frustrated at my reaction to all of this.

He came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I was about to fall to his touch till I looked up in the mirror and saw the bruises and stitches on his face. "Baby, listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you -"

"Get your hands of me." I pushed him away. None of this sweet talking shit is going to work on me, not this time. you walked out going inside your bedroom.

"What is your problem Y/N Im trying so hard to stay calm and not fight back but your making this so fucking hard," Peter yelled he rarely cursed when he talked. His eyes grew darker. "What's my problem? are you fucking serious right now Peter!" I yelled back at him.

"You are acting like a kid. in the real world, people get hurt, and I'm preventing that from happening, and I'm not gonna stop because Gwen could've been alive," he shouted.

he talked about my best friend she died last year after Harry threw her off the clock tower. peter wasn't fast enough to save her, and I never blamed him. it was never his fault. he loved her too they were planning on moving to Europe together until she died.

"You can save people without getting hurt you decide to push your limits what happened to Gwen was never your fault and you think you're making it better by almost dying each time you get out there but the only person you're hurting is yourself and me because I would rather die than lose you Peter, and if you can't see that then this isn't gonna work out," I said sadness lacing my tone rather than anger I sat down on my bed trying to compose myself and not to cry.

Peter's heart dropped when you said those words he was gonna lose you too because of his actions panic rose to his throat tears almost falling from his eyes as he choked on his words

"Are you- breaking up with me?" his voice quieted down with a shiver "I'm saying if you wanna play with death out there then I'd rather lose you now than fall in love with more and tear me apart when you leave me," I said my voice cracking tears slipping down my face.

"I'm sorry- I failed you-- it's like everyone I touch dies my Uncle Ben, Gwen, Captain Stacy they all died because of me and I will lose you too-" he kneels in front of me in between my legs gently grabbing my face."I can't lose you." he placed his forehead on mine a teardrop falling down his cheeks.

"Now you listen to me. You never failed me Peter you are perfect, and just because things happen doesn't mean we cause it." I grabbed his cheek. "The world takes everyone, but we don't give. you have me till my dying breath, and even then, I'm still yours." his lips crash into mine the kiss we like needed more than the other. i leaned more into him. The kiss was magical until Peter lost balance, and i ended up falling on top of him on the floor. the both of us broke into laughter. "Go shower, you stink.' I slapped his chest lightly. "Excuse me for not smelling like daisies and roses," he giggled, giving me a light peck on my lips "god i love you. you've ruined me for anyone else. " he sits upright, making me straddle his lap and kiss me again with full passion.

[collapsedglasshouses]

An Angel For Noah || Noah Sebastian x OC [Part 8]

DIVIDER ART WORK BY @cafekitsune

PAIRING: Noah Sebastian x Jules [she/her]

MASTERPOST

SUMMARY: It was everything but easy to get used to this situation for both Noah and Jules.

WARNINGS: ANGST, ANGST, ANGST, swearing, mentions of death, ...

A/N: If you read my post about crying over my writings while my friends are partying... I was referring to this :) do what you want with that information.

TAGLIST: @trvshdxddy @blackveilomens @crimson-calligraphyx @measuredingold @cncohshit @signs-of-ill-portent @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @ada-clarence @wild-child-7747

If you wanna be added to the taglist of this story, please DM me or let me know in the comments!

Keep in mind, this takes place in an alternative universe. Even though I write about real people, the way I write them has nothing to do with how they are in real life.

Not even two hours later, Noah and Jules found themselves awkwardly walking next to each other in a more secluded area of the park they were at. The few people they met seemed oblivious to their presence, providing the two with some privacy for their more than strange encounter.

So, while they walked aimlessly and no one dared to say anything, Jules' mind was racing. She chewed her lip, fearing that she would be torn from the world at any moment. Even though she had never really been told not to show herself to Noah, she felt like she had broken all the rules at once. While she only wanted to calm Noah’s nerves, her actions had led to something far beyond her control and it deeply terrified her.

Awkward tension hung in the air. Noah had absolutely no idea what to say to her and Jules was equally at a loss for words.

“This… is so fucking strange.”, Noah finally admitted, breaking the silence between the two. Jules immediately nodded; her gaze fixed on her trembling hands.

They fell into another strange silence, before Noah broke it again with an awkward question. “So… How old are you?”

Jules couldn’t help but chuckle softly. “What a weird question to ask a dead person.” Noah awkwardly gifted her a half-smile. “I was twenty-two years old before I died.”

Noah nodded a bit while processing her words. He swallowed hard before asking something again, desperately trying to break the awkwardness. “Is it insensitive to ask how you died?”

Jules felt how her heart sunk a little. The thought of her death weighing heavy on her shoulders. She thought deeply about her next words before mumbling. “I got run over by a car.”

With that Noah abruptly stopped walking, turning to face Jules. “Oh shit.” He mumbled. The pieces clicked into place as he remembered the tears running down her face when she had saved him from a similar fate.

For a long moment Noah just stared at her, a heavy silence falling between them, as Noah realized the trauma she had endured. He took a cautious step towards her while she couldn’t quite read what was going on in his head. She saw how he chewed the inside of his cheek before carefully grabbing her hand. “I’m deeply sorry I made you go through this again.” His eyes locked onto hers.

As she gazed into his eyes, she felt a sudden and unexpected rush of emotion. The world around the to seemed to fade into the background, while Jules started to wonder if it was the sun hitting her skin or Noah making her feel that warmth. All she could see was the symmetry of his face, the way his coffee-colored eyes sparkled with guilt and something she couldn’t quite understand, and the gentle curve of his lips. Even though she was looking at Noah at a daily basis, it felt like she had never truly looked at him before and now… In that exact moment… she couldn’t help but marvel at his sheer beauty and even more: The beauty of his heart. She couldn’t believe his words. Noah was apologizing for almost dying because it caused her to relive her trauma.

"Don't say that, Noah. I'm here to do my job," she breathed out, still captured by the soft look in his eyes.

Noah noticed how his heart ached a little when she called this whole thing "her job," but he needed to get his thoughts straight. It was her job. She wasn't here because she wanted it so badly; she was here because she was probably assigned to be here.

Noah let his gaze wander over her again. He had seen beautiful people over the years, but something about her intrigued him. When he was being honest with himself, she wasn't exactly the type of woman he would have gone after, but he just couldn't stop admiring her.

“I just want you to know that I will be more careful from now on.” He stated and squeezed her hand that he was still holding for a short second before letting go of her. He slowly started walking again, while Jules tried to process the scene for a second longer.

Jules walked quietly behind him as they continued their stroll through the park.

She took a deep breath and noticed how it felt like the two of them were in a strange, almost dream-like place. The sun was slowly setting down and its warm, gentle light casted a beautiful glow over everything. The park became even more quiet with little to no people walking around and the sounds of leaves rustling in the wind making Jules feel a bit at ease.

Noah than broke the silence with a reflective tone. “You know… It’s kind of weird,” He began, his voice soft. “What?” Jules asked, intrigued by his words.

“I don’t know you and I wasn’t supposed to… I know I shouldn’t feel this way but being with you… It’s like I’ve known you forever… I feel so safe.” He continued. Jules was touched by his words.

“Maybe that’s how you’re supposed to feel when you’re with your guardian angel.” She answered him, trying to provide some kind of comfort.

“What are you trying to imply?” Noah asked curious. “Wouldn’t it be kinda weird if you felt uncomfortable around your guardian angel?” Jules answered.

“Are you saying I’m not in charge of my own feelings?” Noah teased her, causing Jules to cover her face with her hair as she noticed the warmth of her cheeks.

“Not at all. All I’m saying is that your mind might trick you.” She answered him, causing him to come to a stand once again. Noah, still trying to make sense of the situation, playfully poked Jules on the shoulder, as if to confirm that she was really there with him.

Jules, surprised by the touch, let out a genuine chuckle. "What the fuck?" she said, mirroring his playfulness. Noah laughed in response. "What? You can't tell me my mind is playing tricks on me and not expect me to try and touch you. After all, I was just told I have a guardian angel and said guardian angel is now strolling through a park with me like it’s the most normal thing in the world."

They started walking again. Their playful exchange was a brief but welcome break from the overwhelming strangeness of their situation. However, Jules decided not to reveal her current state of mind to Noah. She simply smiled, her gaze shifting over the trees around them.

“Noah?” She finally sighed out; her voice even more quiet than it had been before.

He looked at her from the side, his eyes filled with curiosity, eager to hear what she had to say.

“I need you to promise me something.” Jules requested with a more serious tone. “What is it?” – “You can’t tell anyone about what’s happening here.”

There was a long pause as Noah contemplated the weight of her words. Keeping this bizarre experience a secret would be a significant challenge, but he understood the implications of sharing it with others. Finally, he nodded and said, "I promise. The boys would probably think I'm losing my mind and send me to a psychiatric ward anyways, so yeah... I promise."

Jules chuckled softly, her laughter mixed with a hint of sadness, as the gravity of their situation weighed on her.

“I like your laugh.” Noah than stated, causing Jules to blush a little. Every word he said to her felt like a rush of adrenaline. She knew it was wrong to let her emotions occupy her mind that much, but she felt the need to be a little selfish. Noah made her feel alive, and she knew it would be over soon.

The end of their spent time was nearing when they reached the edge of the small park. Hesitantly they stood in front of each other, both not knowing what to say again. The tension started to form again when they realized, it was probably the last time they ever looked each other in the eyes.

When their eyes locked, both of them felt that rush again and without even thinking they fell into each other’s arms. For Jules it almost felt like her heart was going to explode, the mix of the comfort and sadness washing over her. She felt how she teared up.

Noah, on the other hand, wasn’t feeling any different. He held Jules so close to him, fearing she would vanish into thin air at any moment. He let his emotions get a hold of him and almost cried out. “Please don’t leave me, Jules.”

Jules almost felt how her heart broke a little. She wanted nothing but to stay in Noah's arms but she knew she needed to leave. She tried to say something but her words just didn't want to come out. Instead her lips trembled as her hands grabbed the fabric of his hoodie harder. She didn't have the strength to leave. Not now that she had him this close. It felt like she was addicted to his touch.

"I beg you. Please stay." - "You know, I can't."

Right then she felt Noah shift in their embrace, his head placed in the crook of her neck. The spot became damp. He also was crying quietly.

"The day isn't over. You promised me a day, Jules." He mumbled into her hair as she stroked his back. She couldn't talk, fearing she would break down.

"Please, Jules." Noah continued. "I'm sounding like a fucking idiot. I don't even know what has gotten into me but please. Come to our concert tonight. Just watch it. I need you to be there."

"I need to go, Noah." The girl cried out and tried to get out of their hug even though she didn't want to.

"Promise me." Noah pleaded but suddenly felt a cold rushing through him as he realized he was slowly beginning to hug himself.

And with that...

Jules was gone.

[raidenssblog]

Warm hands

Part 1

Pairing: Reiner X reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: mention of murder, breakdowns

Summary: you lived is Shiganshina, when Reiner tore down the wall, he killed your family along with it.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Thousands of thoughts rushed though his head, only to be pulled out by your voice.

"Reiner? Love you ok?" You said looking worried.

Breathing in deeply he replied

"no, I need to tell you something important. Its about what happened in Shiganshina" your head turned to look at your boyfriend. "yeahhh?" you question.

Reiner struggled to speak for a few seconds before sighing. "the amor titan, the one who tore the wall down, this is gonna sound like im off my head but....the amor titan, was, that was me." he quietly said looking down at the land below. his head shot up when the sound of laughter broke the silence.

"Reiner, please don't joke about that, buttt you did get a laugh out of me. Can you imagine it tho? me loving the guy that destroyed my life? good one babe, lets head in its getting late and we have training tomorrow." you said standing up and descending the wall. Reiner stayed at the top watching you zip past the buildings, guilt still laced his stomach.

'Loving the guy that destroyed my life?' that line replayed in his head for a few minutes before he shook his head and followed your steps back.

"it's better if she believes it's a joke" Bertholdt told Reiner as he was folding up one of his shirts. "You probably shouldn't have even told her. it'll ruin our cover Reiner." he sighed "I guess you're right, but she deserved to know, believing it or not. we killed everyone she loved; she deserved an answer." he said before walking out to the mess hall for breakfast.

before he spotted you, you saw him first walking up to him and grabbing his arm, pulling his outside, out of earshot to the others. "Reiner, I have a question, and I want you to answer it truthfully. were involved with the Shiganshina wall being broken down? I was thinking about what you said last night. please tell me that was a joke and you were pulling my leg?" your eyes had a look of desperation behind them, wanting what he said to be a joke. when he looked down in shame that was all you needed to know.

"Oh my god, oh my fucking god Reiner. you can't be fucking serious!" "Please y/n you need to listen I-" "shut the fuck up Reiner!" you cut him off. "You never thought of telling me!" you were so angry and betrayed you couldn't even understand how the guy you've laid with could become one of.... them. your Reiner, your lover, your best friend.

"I have thought of telling you I just never had the right time too; no moment was good. I didn't want to ruin what we had, I love you too much to let you go and I'm sorry for not telling you. hell, I'm sorry I even did it in the first place but babe you need to hear my side of the story." Reiner swore he could feel his heart in his mouth. it was true, he didn't want to lose you, but after this, he doesn't even know.

"don't babe me Reiner, I trusted you?" your eyes swelled with tears, you turned and headed the other way, Reiner not even trying to stop you. millions of thoughts rushed through your mind, not one about how he could turn in a titan just, everything all at once.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

god this was kind of dog shit but I need to get something out there, ive been so inactive im sorry, school holidays now so yay. this has been in my drafts for like a year......

For @chaos-mix

[chimindity]

Party girl

Summary | John B's little sister throws a secret party at home. Request by @mirellef2001

Pairing | John B & sister!reader

Warning | angst, John B being pissed off

A/N | my first time writting angst :p, I hope you like it!!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ׄ 　۪ 𓂃 ੭୧ 𓂃　۪ ׄ

Tonight you have the house for yourself since John B said he'd spend the night at his best friend's, but now that you are alone and mostly bored, you decide to throw a party, I mean, how could John B ever find out if he wasn't at home?

So you start calling your friends one by one, after preparing all the snacks needed for this evening, grabbing some non-alcoholic drinks since John B has forbidden you to drink any alcohol. At least you were not breaking that rule.

As you were waiting for your friends to come, you choose to wear a light pink dress, spinning and looking at yourself in the mirror when you hear a knock on the door, meaning they are already here.

You make your way to the front door and open it, leading them inside as you greet them -"are you sure this is a good idea? I mean your brother doesn't know about that party" one of them pulls away from the hug to look at you, a worried look forming on her face.

-"noo, it's all good! He doesn't need to know" you quicky reassure them and give them a red cup of drink, you turn on the TV to put on your favorite show, meanwhile, one of your friend pulls out his speaker and turns on the music.

You've spent the whole night dancing and singing, having too much fun to even care about the time. That's when you hear the sound of keys in the lock, 'shit' you think, knowing it could only be your brother. You pull out your phone to check the time, seeing 5:26. Why is he coming sooner?

You decide to quickly clean the mess on the table as fast as you can, -"guys, John B is coming home sooner" you lower your voice, knowing there's nothing you can do right now, considering yourself already in trouble, you sprawl on the couch, joining all your friends before closing your eyes, pretending to have fallen asleep with them.

-"are you awake, bubba?" He speaks through the corridors, noticing the lights still on, as soon as he enters in the living room and sees you surrouned by your friends on the couch, a wave of anger runs through his blood, knowing that he has clearly forbidden you to bring some friends.

-"I know y'all aren't sleeping, the party is over now, all of you, get the heck out of here, execpt you, you stay right there" he points out your friends before staring right at you, waiting for them to walk out of the house.

They all wave discretly at you and your hear the door being slammed, -"what did I tell you about throwing a party behind my back? When I clearly forbidden you to do it, the second I leave this house it's green light for you to do whatever the hell you want?" He steps closer to you while you sit up nervously on the couch, looking up at him.

You fidget with the hem of your dress, a wave of guilt runs through your blood, -"don't think I'll let that slide, I gave you one rule, one! And you can't even respect it" he huffs, grabbing all the empty red cups sprawled on the carpet.

-"I'm sorry, John B" you mumble, feeling too ashamed to even look at him, he stops in his tracks and leans down to hear you better -"excuse me? Do you really think what you said would cut it out? You're all wrong, young lady" he rolls his eyes before taking hold of your forearm to stand you up.

He leads you to your room, pulling you inside as he leans against your doorframe, -"I won't let you hang out with your friends until you learn not to break my rules, understood?" You embarrassingly nod your head, trying to hold back your tears, -"and you better go to sleep, I'm not done dealing with you, as soon as you wake up, we're gonna have a talk" he huffs, before switching off the light and closing the door.

You're used to him always telling you good night everytime he closes the door, but tonight it feels different, and you can only blame yourself.

Taglist

@nemesyaaa @jjsfavgirl @mirellef2001 @ziggyfaremen @mrvlxgrl @marvelfanfics1 @wearemadeofstardust0 @flora-eva

[spookyxsprinkles]

🍦 Freezer Burn [oneshot]

todoroki touya × gender neutral and poc friendly reader.

-> not safe for work // 6.3k words // AO3. -> warnings: angst, break up, arguing, crying, touya has an avoidant attachment style, dialogue heavy, poor communication, nipple biting, oral, possessive, fingering.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Don't be so melodramatic. We weren't even dating," Touya said, taking his keys out of his pocket.

"I--I know but... you know what I mean."

"What do you expect me to say?" He scoffed. "That I'm sorry? 'Cause I'm not. I don't want this."

"Liar."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." He opened the door of your apartment and walked out towards his car.

 "You think I don't know you're pushing me away on purpose?" You follow him out, not caring that you had different shoes on. "As much as you like to pretend you don't care, I know you--"

He interrupted you with an angry laugh, before turning to face you as he reached the sidewalk in front of his car. "You must be delusional if you think you have me all figured out. Don't tell me what I feel. You don't fucking know me."

His car's lights flashed as it unlocked and he opened the door, standing there and glaring at you like if you had spit in his face. Maybe, in his mind, you did.

"I don't need to know every little thing about you to know that you're lying to yourself because you're afraid."

"Afraid of what, huh? Afraid that I'll actually start to care about you as more than just a hole I use to get my rocks off, before ghosting you like all the others that came before? Yeah, you're not special, sweetheart," his hands trembled with fury.

You visibly flinched at his words.

You knew he was right. You were acquainted with him through mutual friends for quite some time before getting physically involved with him. You knew of his non-committal self-sabotaging tendencies. You knew, but it didn't make his words hurt any less.

A flash of guilt flickered in his icy eyes but it disappeared just as soon as it came thanks to the scorching heat of his emotions. You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, trying to keep your voice steady as you spoke quietly with stinging eyes.

"Maybe I'm not special, but at least I can be honest with myself. Which is more than you can say about yourself."

He threw his hands up in the air, laughing. "Real cute coming from you. I'm not the one that's so desperate for attention I start writing sappy love stories in my head. Maybe someday you'll find someone who wants to deal with this shit, but it's not gonna be me."

He moved to get in his car, so you took a few steps forward which was enough to catch his attention and stop him from getting in.

"You were just as lonely and desperate for attention as me when we first met, Touya. You parade around all day acting like you don't care about anything, you can't feel anything, but if that was the case you wouldn't come back. You always come back home."

It was a slip up a few months ago. The two of you were out with some friends at a karaoke room and he said he wanted to go home. You never brought it up to him, but he could tell from the way you nearly choked on your food, that you heard him. Since then, every time he heard the word 'home' he'd think about that moment and regret letting himself drink enough to forget his common fucking sense.

And now you had acknowledged that it was a real moment that actually happened when he'd much rather shove the memory away and pretend it was something someone else said. Someone not him.

You stood a few feet in front of him, sniffling and staring down at the tires of his car that he had taught you how to change and fill with air without you asking him to.

"You're the most stubborn person I've ever met. You never do anything you don't want to do, but you kept coming back." You wiped your nose, ignoring the feeling of the hot tears spilling down your cheeks. "Even now, you're still standing here, talking with me instead of leaving. If you didn't care, you would have already left."

He froze as if you had pushed the pause button on his anger. He stared at you intensely. The only sounds breaking the silence was a dog barking at sirens in the distance and your sniffles.

He hated that you were right.

"So what?"

He got in his car, slamming the door in anger and started the engine.

He buckled his seat belt and turned in his seat to look through the rear window as he slowly backed out of the parking space.

You panicked, suddenly shoving your upper body inside his open window.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" He hit the breaks immediately, causing you to flail as you lost your balance and he swiftly grabbed your arms to keep you from slipping and busting your head on asphalt.

"W--We haven't finished talking..!" You gasped, feeling your heartbeat pounding in your chest. "If you leave now, you'll only feel worse later!"

He simply stared at you in disbelief. His mind was screaming at him to get the hell out of there. The only thing stopping him from flooring the gas pedal was the fact that your legs still dangled helplessly outside of the car as you struggled to get inside.

You looked ridiculously stupid as you clung to the window with a tear streaked face. You also seemed so determined…

"Get out of my car," he snapped. "Right now."

He released a hand from you and moved it towards the handle of the door, but you caught his wrist with your hands.

"No," you said as firmly as your grip on his wrist.

His eyes watched as you continued to struggle to balance your body on the door comfortably. He had no idea what your endgame was here.

"You're fucking crazy."

"I love you, Touya," you gasped out. "I'm in love with you and I know you're afraid. I know you've been hurt before. I know you hate everything that's happening right now, but I can't let you leave like this." You tried wiping your eye by rubbing it against your shoulder, before looking back at him.

"I won't force you to stay with me and I won't force you to share things you don't want to share, but I also won't let you run away without us properly talking things through. If we're gonna break up then I don't want to let it end with that as one of our regrets."

He hated that you weren't giving up on him so easily.

Touya stared at you as you spoke. You were so calm and reasonable in spite of the ridiculous position you were in. There was no anger or irritation in your voice, just sincerity and...

He let out a deep breath in an attempt to stay calm.

"That's very big of you," he said defensively. He was always so defensive. "Trust me, it's better this way."

Your eyes studied his face before you decide to take the plunge and vocalize the thoughts that had been swimming around in your head recently. "Is it better or is it just the easiest way to avoid your feelings of inadequacy and fear of rejection?"

You watched as his eyes widened a minuscule amount that likely would've gone unnoticed if you hadn't known him for so long. You could feel the flames of his rage from the way his face contorted, his mouth opening to set you ablaze.

Your hands slipped down from his wrist to hold his hand gently in yours, your thumbs resting on the back of his hand.

Your grip was loose. He could easily pulled himself free if he wanted to.

But he didn't.

And that's all you needed.

"I've seen you be blunt beyond the point of just being rude to others and to yourself. You have standards that make it easy for you to look down on those who don't meet them yet even the ones that do fit them get pushed away. You easily say whatever's on your mind, unless what's on your mind risks leaving you vulnerable."

Your thumbs delicately drew circles into the dark marks on the back of his hand that were uniquely his. A sad smile marred your face as you continued to speak.

"I'm always watching you, always listening." Your eyes looked up into his, persevering through his gaze that scorched anything he deemed a threat. "You'd rather be alone than feel alone."

He was speechless as he watched you speak. You read him like an open book. A book he routinely burned whenever someone poked and prodded in a pathetic attempt to get closer to him. How had he let his fire get extinguished so easily? How did it not burn you like it did everyone else?

Like it burned him.

Even he was unable to escape his own flames unscathed.

The fantasy that played in his mind's eye was one where you patiently stood before him as the smoke cleared. His eyes stung and his breathing hitched at the thought.

He sighed deeply, looking more tired than you'd ever seen him before.

"I was serious," his words and tone contrasting with the heavy look he carried on his face. "You're wasting your time if you expect me to tell me what you wanna hear."

You shook your head, "I'm not asking you to say it back. I don't need words when your actions mean more to me." I bring his knuckles to my lips, pressing a soft kiss before looking into his eyes, "Besides, if it's time you're worried about, I wouldn't mind wasting it together."

His entire body reflexively ached to leave at the display of vulnerability, yet he couldn't tear his eyes away from you.

Words escaped him as he stared back into your eyes with a confusing mix of fear and hope swirling in his icy blues.

He swallowed hard and finally spoke, "So, all this time," he started as he gathered his bearings, "you've been watching me like some kind of weirdo?"

"Of course," you laughed softly. The movement set a jolt of pain to your abdomen that reminded you of your current position. "Can we go back inside and talk? My stomach hurts from hanging out in your car like this..."

You hissed as you tried to remove yourself from the car. It was definitely gonna leave a mark. He waited until you moved back to the sidewalk before he parked and got out.

"I didn't tell you to jump through the window like a maniac. Seriously, what's wrong with you?"

"Desperate times call for--"

"Dumb ass fucking measures?"

"Yes, precisely. Glad we're on the same page."

He rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, walking back to the apartment. "Masochist."

"Sadist."

"You know the door was unlocked, right? I was gonna show you 'til you started manhandling me."

"Never let them know your next move."

"So, just dangle like an idiot and hope you don't get run over?"

"I'll admit I'm not good under pressure."

He snorted as you opened the door. He just realized you had chased him out in different shoes. Desperate times, indeed.

"Anyways," you continued as you shut the door behind you and removed your shoes, "You liked it. Thought it was super cool and hot when I was flailing around like an idiot."

"Yeah," he said genuinely, catching you off guard and nearly causing you to trip over the entryway step, but you caught yourself against his arm.

You looked up at him with hopeful eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he repeated sincerely, his eyes staying on yours. "I did."

You swallowed, feeling your eyes prickle with tears as your mouth gaped at him.

He pinched your cheek.

"C'mon," he said as he walked away from you and further into your home to take a seat on the couch. "Let's do this talking thing. We can watch a movie after or whatever..."

You couldn't see his face as he walked away but you could hear his uncharacteristically breathy inflection and stiff tone when he spoke. Was he feeling nervous? Shy..?

The fact that he was the one trying to get the conversation started rather than avoiding it made your chest bloom with warmth. You had expected him to come up with other things to do first in order to put off the awkward and uncomfortable feelings for a bit longer.

You hopped over to him with a blindingly bright grin, sitting near him on the couch to give him some space for this conversation. However, he pulled your body closer to his so that your sides were pressed up against each other. He wrapped an arm around you while you leaned against his chest.

"So..." he started and you could hear something akin to timidity in his tone so you hugged him, letting your hands affectionately stroke his sides. "I'm shit at feelings."

You wanted to laugh at his blunt word choice but didn't want to come off as mocking and discourage him from speaking. "You are not shit at feelings. You seem to feel things quite strongly. We just need to work on helping you feel more comfortable with letting them out in a healthy way, rather than boxing them up and defaulting to avoidance."

"So, I'm shit at feelings."

"If you say that one more time I am going to bite you."

"I'm shit at-- what the fuck!"

"You were warned."

"My fucking tit--"

"Not my fault it's so chewy."

"I'm shit at-- don't you bite me you fucking animal. Hear me out." He had pinched your cheek again to stop your open mouth from it's impending attack. "I'm shit at this. I know. Don't… laugh at me."

Your eyes softened and you brought your hand up to cup the one he had squeezing your cheek. He released his hold on your skin but you kept it held as you let it slide down to your lap.

"It might feel a bit awkward for you but I promise I won't think less of you for sharing your feelings. I appreciate that you've been trying."

"'Been trying?' I've done jack shit."

"No, you have done 'shit'." You reassured him as your fingers drew circles into the skin of his hand. "You came inside--"

"I always come inside," he smirked.

You bit him again.

"What? No complaint for me this time, Touya?"

"I deserved it."

"Masochist."

"Sadist."

Your lips pursed for a moment as you tried to remember where you were.

"Ah, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," you glared at him playfully, "You've already shown me that you're trying. You came back inside, initiated our talking time, and you're participating, too. I know emotional stuff feels hard, but I'm really, really proud of you."

He let out a 'tch' in jest, before leaning down to whisper into the side of your head. "In case you forgot, I also listened to you while you tried playing leap frog on my car."

"Very true, but I didn't forget. I didn't want to include it since I was practically holding you hostage at the time."

"Hostage?" He laughed haughtily, "If I really wanted to leave you I would've ran you over."

"Why is that strangely sweet..."

"'Cause you're a damn masochist. Get help."

"This, coming from the sadist..." The room was quiet as I rubbed his chest lightly with one hand. "I was really scared you were going to leave earlier, Touya. Like, for good."

He clenched his jaw but didn't say anything, opting to listen since he knew she probably had more to say on the matter. And she did.

"I was afraid that I scared you off by talking about-- about whatever menial domestic thing it was we were talking about before. I can't even remember what it was." You clutched his shirt without thinking as you struggled to remember what could've been the catalyst to losing the person you loved.

"Toilet paper," he stated after a pause. "You read about some sale at the store and were talking about how we should go before the weekend so we could stock up. Then you mentioned wanting to buy me strawberry ice cream."

Silence.

"It all sounded so permanent, so easy to you." You could feel his body tense as he struggled to force himself to speak. "Seeing a future where we go grocery shopping for toilet paper and you buying me something. Something that'll sit in the freezer waiting for me even when I'm not around. Something just for me." His last words were barely a whisper.

Your mouth felt dry, it made sense. He had a hard time staying in one place for too long if it felt like he was being smothered or expected to do things he didn't want to do. Your apartment was no exception, even if he clearly spent more time here than any other place.

"Yeah, you're not special, sweetheart."

You felt a cold ache in your chest at the thought of his angry words from earlier.

You told yourself they were just that, angry words. If they were true, would he have bothered to come back at all? No. You knew Touya was good at lying and even better at emotional warfare. It's how he protected himself. He hadn't done it to you since before the two of you were friends, back when you were just another random person trying too hard to get to know him. Today was the first time in years he had said something that caused you to feel bad about yourself.

You would need to talk about it with him later. Right now you wanted to hear him out, so you shove the memory away for now. You can worry about it later.

As painful as it was to hear him speak of his troubles with having a place to call home, you were grateful to him for really trying. Really, it was incredible just how far he's come already. You always knew he was a fast learner if he wanted to be and this meant so much to you. He had never let himself get this vulnerable with you before.

You wanted to tell him something in response but why did it have to be now, of all times, that you couldn't find the words to speak?

You forced yourself to swallow and nodded at him in encouragement. You didn't want to cry and risk him getting cold feet about the feelings thing. You didn't want him to think this was a mistake and that you couldn't handle the truth, because you could, you just felt deeply for the inner conflicts that took place inside of his head. His fears, his happiness, his efforts... it all meant the world to you and it was really getting to you.

You quietly cleared your throat and with a hoarse voice said, "I can see how that would have caused you to react the w-way that you did."

You mentally cursed yourself for the way your voice broke pathetically mid-sentence. "Sorry about that." And you were. You knew he got flighty over things like that but in the moment I just wasn't thinking.

"Hey, don't wimp out on me now." He pinched at your cheek again. "If I'm gonna bare my damn soul or whatever the hell, you sure as shit better not hold out on me. If you gotta get weepy, then get weepy. I'll save the laughing for later."

Your lips trembled at his words and you can feel your face crumple as you bury it into his chest and wept.

"I was so scared I lost you, Touya."

He stared down at you, committing the sight to memory.

His carelessness did this.

He pulled you in closer to him and placed his cheek on the crown of your head. A little while later you calmed down, sniffling and apologizing for accidentally turning his shirt into a tissue.

"Sorry, this is really embarrassing," you sniffled out with a stuffy nose.

He took in the sight of your puffy eyes and runny nose, before looking away. "S'whatever. I know you, too, you know. That thing you said earlier? About you always watching and listening? I do the same shit with you. If being a crybaby helps, then do it unless you wanna be shit at feelings, too."

Sniffle. "We're both not the best at handling our own feelings, huh..."

"An understatement, in my case."

"It's good that you're acknowledging the areas where you could use some improvement." You say as you reach up to cup his cheek and kissed the corner of his lip. "You're doing so well, Touya."

The way your thumb gently rubbed the pale skin of his cheek while you looked at him with honey in your eyes made his chest ache.

"You--" he swallowed as he held your gaze, "think so?"

You nodded and leaned in to press another kiss on his lips. "I know so."

He felt that familiar urge to run away when shit got too personal, but he yearned for more of the pure warmth you offered to his cold, sorry existence.

"I can't promise to always be better. I'll fuck up. I know it. Just don't give-- don't give up on me."

Sharing feelings was embarrassing, painfully so. At least, that's what he told himself to explain the lump in his throat when he struggled to say the words out loud. His hand moved to your thigh and squeezed it, "I'm stubborn but I don't want to fuck this up. When I fuck up, I'll need time to get my head out of my ass."

You felt like crying again seeing how desperately he tried to let you know he wasn't going to always be good at the communication, but he wanted to be and he was trying.

"I'll sit in the freezer waiting for you."

"I-- what? The hell?"

You laugh softly at his dumbfounded expression. "I'll be the ice cream sitting in the freezer waiting for you. So, don't worry about having to rush the process. Do your best. I believe in you, Touya."

He stared at your face for a moment.

"You have low iron. The freezer would kill you."

"I'll be fine 'cause you're always warm."

He once again felt that familiar ache in his chest that he usually got around you. "Wait too long and you'll get freezer burn."

"Are you saying a little freezer burn would keep you from eating your favourite ice cream?" You paused when you noticed his amused expression. "Okay, I walked myself into that one."

"Yeah," the corner of his lip twitched as his eyes darkened. "You did."

"Hey, I know that look. We need to finish talking first-- T-Touya!"

He grabbed your legs, flipping you on your back against the couch with him crawling over you.

"Don't you wanna reward me for doing well so far?" He asked in a low voice. You whimpered at the sight of his heavily lidded eyes looking down at you, amused with your flustered face.

"W-Well, positive reinforcement is a good way of encouraging good behavior, so yes we can, but you have to swear we will talk about this right after-"

He expertly rolled his hips against you, making you gasp. "I'm feeling pretty encouraged right now. You can feel it too, I bet."

You definitely felt it.

He kissed your lips as he removed your bottoms, pushing the backs of your knees as far against as he knew you could comfortably take, exposing the entirety of you in your underwear.

"I swear," he licked a slow stripe against the fabric before pushing it to the side and staring hungrily at your flesh, "on my god damn dick, we'll talk right after I make you come at least four times."

"F-Four?" You could feel his thumb teasing you as he swiped up and down your flesh.

"Five now," his lips wrapped around your sweet spot. He sucked while rubbing his tongue against it at the same time, making your body shudder.

He needed to make up for making you cry so much today.

Your hips bucked against his face, then his fingers.

"So fucking eager after all that talking, huh?" He gave a lopsided grin as he licked the taste of you left behind on his lips. "Yeah, we're definitely talking more often."

He soaked his fingers with the bottle of lube he liked leaving between the seat cushions for times like these. You felt one of his slick fingers tease your tight hole.

"Tell me who fucks you better than me."

"N-No one!"

"Weak shit. Say it again."

"You're the only one who fucks me t-this well!"

He slowly pressed his finger in, the stretch making you sing. He took his time prepping you before inserting another finger and moving in and out of you. He lapped you into whines, working his hand at the pace he knew drove you wild. You cried out praises for him, which he liked almost as much as he liked fucking you to tears.

"And who does this hole belong to? Who owns the rest of this pretty body?"

"Y-You do, it's yours, Touya! It's all yours for you to use as you please!"

You felt your legs trembling as he kept his hands busy with fucking you. The coil inside of you tightening as he vigorously pumped and sucked.

"T-Touya..!" You voice broke as you wailed.

He smirked, feeling satisfied at how fervently your hips bucked against him. You were a needy mess and he hadn't even stretched you with his fat cock yet.

Soon.

"It's mine. You're all fucking mine." His head dived back in and you felt yourself on the precipice of-

"Yeah, you're not special sweetheart."

You shook your head and looked down at him as he looked up at you. He sucked you hard, making your back arch. You were so close.

You stared through half lidded eyes, throat already sore from the sounds he'd easily pulled from you. You tried to focus on the view of him pleasuring you with expertise. Your was mouth open as you shut your eyes and leaned your head back against the couch. You were so close.

"Afraid of what, huh? Afraid that I'll actually start to care about you as more than just a hole I use to get my rocks off, before ghosting you like all the others that came before you?"

You grit your teeth.

Now was not the time for this.

Your eyes shut. You forced the memory away from the forefront of your mind. It doesn't matter right now, you'll tell him how you feel about it later.

Now wasn't the time.

Later.

Later.

...

"Fuck!!" You felt Touya pull his body away from you. "Did I not hear you say the safeword!?"

You opened your eyes and Touya's blurry face had moved from in between your legs to kneeling on the floor beside where you laid on the couch. You blinked your eyes and wiped them with your hands. Oh.

You were crying again.

The realization brought more tears and you looked over at Touya who stared down at you fearfully.

"Maybe someday you'll find someone who wants to deal with this shit, but it's not gonna be me."

"Hey, what--" his voice cracked.

Your body shook as you sobbed into your hands.

A sinking feeling had found it's place in his stomach. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't-- I didn't hear you-"

"T-That's not it." Your voice muffled by your hands and your stuffed nose as you continued to sob. "The sex was consensual the w-whole time."

He looked down at you confused. Relieved that he hadn't hurt you in that way, but stressed since he didn't know what happened to you. His chest burned with anxiety and it made him feel restless. He grabbed your throw blanket and pulled it over you, which you used to hide your sloppy face as you tried to calm yourself down.

"Touya," you cried quietly and he stared down at you frozen with fear.

It was him.

"Tell me what I did." He knew he'd fuck up. He just didn't think it'd be this soon.

You didn't want to hurt him. You wanted to protect him but how could you protect him from the very words he spat at you in a desperate rage? Not speaking up about your own feelings fully and pushing them aside for someone else's sake is how you got here in the first place.

You needed to practice what you preached.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you said to me."

The parking lot. He already knew. He hated himself when he said those things and he hated himself now.

It was only a matter of time until he'd ruin things here.

You saw him grab his phone from the floor before standing up and walking across the living room. It must have fallen during your activities.

"I'll text Toga to come by. I'll stay until then."

"Don't go."

"I shouldn't be here."

"Because you hurt my feelings?"

"Yes!" He snapped. "This isn't masochism, it's straight up fucking delusional if you can't see the problem with me staying."

"You hurt my feelings," you sniffled. "It's going hurt whether or not you leave. Stay and talk with me about it."

"This talking shit clearly isn't working. One second you're telling me I fuck you the best then suddenly you're crying in the next. I already ruined whatever we could've had before it even started. We already know how this ends, so don't waste your time."

"If you leave then we will know how this ends." You sat up on the couch, clutching the soft blanket like a lifeline. Your voice was firm, but not enough to cover your soft determination. "You're hurt and so am I. So, sit with me instead of running away. Leaving things the way they are now is the sure-fire way to ruin this."

His jaw tightened as he stayed where he was.

"We talked a little bit earlier, but the issue just now wasn't your fault. It was mine-"

"You're not the one who said all that nasty shit to the person you-" He turned away and glared holes into an innocent plant. "It's over. We're not even fucking dating and it's over." He ran a hand through his hair and laughed.

"You did say horrible things, but I kept brushing off my feelings. We talked a bit earlier, but I still had feelings left unsaid." You stood up, the sound of your feet padding against the floor behind him made him stiffen. You stood in front of him, with your arms loosely crossed on your chest. "How are you supposed to know that stuff was still bothering me? It's not like you can read my mind."

"Don't be fucking dense."

"I seem to recall us wanting to work things out. You told me not to give up on you, remember?"

"Before I realized I traumatized you by saying a bunch of shit!"

"You didn't traumatize me, you hurt my feelings. There's a difference."

"You know the reason you had 'feelings left unsaid' is 'cause I basically mounted you before you could finish saying them, right?"

"No, that's not true and don't demonize yourself like that." You reached for his hand that was balled into a fist at his side, but he pulled it away.

He wasn't worthy of your compassion.

You frowned but didn't let it deter you. "I said it was okay --and before you say anything-- I wasn't coerced into it, either."

His eye twitched at her already knowing what he was going to say before he said it.

"You tease and mock, but you've shown me time and time again that you respect me and my body. You waited until I gave consent and I know that if I didn't give it, you would've let it go and let me talk about my feelings instead. You didn't take advantage of me. I disrespected myself by not prioritizing my own feelings. That's what the main issue was here."

"You said you couldn't stop thinking about what I said. It's my fault, they were my shitty fucking words."

"I'm not trying to say your words weren't a part of it, they definitely were, but I know you were just... saying what you could to put distance in between us."

He sneered, "Is that what you're telling yourself? Doesn't matter why I said it. Intentional or not, lies or not: it still fucking hurt you." His lips curled bitterly as remorse stained the cool blue of his eyes. "It'll be what you think of when you see me from now on."

You took a small step towards him, careful not to invade his personal space but enough to momentarily satisfy your need for physical closeness. Your need for the comfortable heat he offered to you as you both stood together in silence.

"I won't lie..." You started.

He knew that you never lied to him. Your stupidly sincere approach to interactions with him were probably what got him wrapped around your finger in the first place.

He did wonder if you ever lied to yourself about him, though. It'd explain why you let him stick around even while knowing he was a jackass.

He also recognized there wasn't any actual weight to that way of thinking. If anything, the times where your feelings felt so real outweighed those paranoid thoughts of his. Sometimes he'd catch you looking at him. The sweet honey dripping from your eyes at him doing fuck all felt so raw that he'd panic and have to leave for a while.

Whenever you smiled at him, even the soft little ones, you beamed bright enough to burn him to cinders if he let it. Lately, he had found himself simmering under your heat longer and longer, letting himself get singed by you.

Seeing you fidget with the hem of your top snapped him out of his thoughts. You were still in your underwear and it reminded him that he'd burned you. Not with the heat of patience and kindness that you regularly thawed him with, but with flames full of his own agonizingly self-sabotaging wrath.

"I won't lie," you repeated after taking a couple seconds to gather your thoughts. "I'll probably always think about what you said."

He already knew it yet it still made him hate himself more.

"The same way you'll probably always think about it, too."

You sweet, merciful, stupid fucking angel.

"Stop."

"No. You need to hear this."

"Just fucking stop."

"Don't interrupt me, Touya."

He glared at you in irritation as he clenched and unclenched his hands in an attempt to keep himself grounded. Mentally and literally. If he ran away now, you wouldn't be able to share your thoughts. He owed you that and so much more.

"It's something that effected the both of us and it'll change the way we are, but we don't have to let it change us in a bad way. We can use our hurt to help us grow." You said while looking at him with eyes full of hope. "We won't forget it happened and we shouldn't."

"We-- you--," he stammered. He could see the patience in your face and logic, feel the tender touch of your words. He was concurrently immolated by your steadfast mercy and by his venomous wrath. "We need to end this before you get hurt again."

"'Before I get hurt again'? I am going to get hurt again. By you, myself, or some other thing. It's what happens as we live and grow. The difference is learning from it. This is our 'before', and if you let us, we can work on moving on towards our 'after'."

"You know how ridiculously optimistic that sounds, right? Stupidly sappy, too. You really think it's as simple as that?"

"Can I hold your hand?"

He blinked in confusion at the randomness of the question but gave a small nod. You took ahold of it with both of your own.

"We both know it won't be simple. We both have baggage and hurt we'd need to address if we want to be something. It's going to be really hard, but if you stay I know that we'll both put in the work to reach our 'after' and every 'after' after that."

He stayed silent as he took in her words. You really saw--

"--Lots of 'after's, huh?" He quietly spoke as he tried to drown out his nerves with a teasing tone.

He looked at you with hopeful eyes that brought a small smile to your face.

"Lots of 'after's. I am your ice cream sitting in the freezer, remember?"

He'd scoff if he hadn't just gotten the wind knocked from his lungs.

You raise his hand to your lips before pressing a little kiss on the scars on the back of his hand before tugging it gently so he'd follow you to sit back down on the couch.

"I'm not eating freezer burnt ice cream."

"Hey! That's so mean…" you pouted. "And wasteful. You're way too picky of an eater, no wonder you're always grumpy."

"I'm fucking with you."

"Oh, I know. I'm fucking with you, too."

"Sadist..." He affectionately played with the shell of your ear while resting his cheek on your head. The gesture filled her with elation as they sat in comfortable silence.

"Look, I'm..." he started, struggling with his words.

"I know."

"I shouldn't-- I shouldn't have said those things earlier."

"I know."

"You didn't deserve it," his voice was softer.

"I know," you wrapped your arms around his firm torso, squeezing a little tighter.

"You're clingy. What're you thinking? Don't skimp out on me again, I wanna hear all the ugly shit, too." He lightly pinched at your cheek, "This shit ain't gonna work if it's one-sided. Start talking."

You smiled as he pressed his lips to your forehead.

"Okay, Touya."

[00ops1e]

Sunshine for Everyone pt.2

Pricefield! Fluff!

Life is Strange - Max Caufield x Chloe Price

After saving Chloe at the expense of Arcadia Bay, our favorite girls are forced to flee their hometown. It soon becomes apparent that while they can run from the storm, running from their desires just isn't plausible.

click here for part one

“I swear I could sleep forever,” Max mutters, cuddling into the blanket further. The motel had proven to be a good idea, using someone else’s hot water and blankets was always nice. The pair were too tired to even notice the television only had four channels, or that the mattress was a little lumpy. Maybe things just weren’t so bad if they had each other.

“We can stay as long as you'd like,” Chloe trails off, “s’cheap enough anyways we deserve a vacation.” she babbles with eyes half closed, no longer sure of her words. The girls lay in bed, inches between. The last room available happened to be a single, and she had managed to haggle the price down, so fucking score again. When the man in the office mentioned the single bed, Chloe felt something flutter deep in her gut. It was a giddy, childlike feeling, but muddled with some sort of anxiety. 

Max shifted in the bed, mind still racing, “Will you hold me?” She heard the words fall from her lips before they even registered in her brain. The question appears to catch both girls off guard. It hung in the air for a moment, Max began to babble, face growing red, “I- 'm sorry I really didn’t mean to… I just, I can't stop it's all too much. I don’t know what's w-wrong with me.”

Without hesitation, she pulls the smaller girl into her arms, as if rehearsed, as if Chloe had been waiting a lifetime. Instantly the tension evicts Max’s body. The sweet musk of her shampoo, perfume, whatever it was completely enveloped Chloe. Holding her tight just felt natural, like all was well with the world. Comforting others has never come easy for Chloe, always awkward, never knowing what to say or do. Not with Max though, she made everything easy. Existing with her felt like hearing an old song and singing along perfectly, yet recalling none of the lyrics. She traces small circles into Max’s back, the smaller girl somewhat buried in her chest.

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Chloe starts, angry at the world for putting her max through all of this, “y-you didn't ask for any of this. You shouldn't have seen even half the shit you did. Max, I swear to you if there was a way I could take it all away, I’d do it.” Max looks up at her, tears in those beautiful blue eyes threatening to spill. A pang of fear hits Chloe right in the gut. Did she say something wrong? Did Chloe cause those tears? 

She begins to ramble, “Shit, I’m not saying I'm not glad I found you again, or that you shouldn’t have saved me or-or anything like that,” a sense of urgency laced her tone, god she was supposed to be helping not making it worse. “I just- I wish I could fix it, seriously Max. I am so so fucking happy you’re with me again. I don’t know, I guess, i-i just feel like it's all my fault” Her voice thickened towards the end, holding back a sob. ‘This is not about you Chloe,’ she thinks, reprimanding herself for being so selfish. But the guilt had been festering, gnawing at her organs like some feral dog with a bone. She was the reason the whole world had turned upside down.

“C-Chloe,” Max mumbled, sitting up to look at her properly. With shaky hands, she took the girl's face in her hands. Forcing Chloe to meet her eyes, hands lingering on her cheeks a bit too long before pushing the messy blue hair behind her ears. Her hands rest languidly on Chloe’s shoulders, reassuring her somehow. Max sat and contemplated her next words before answering, “None of this was you, okay? This is some freak-supernatural stuff okay? I do not blame you. Do you hear me? Please don't ever think that. I’d go through it all again if it meant I had you. Chloe, you're my best friend.”

It was like Max was able to reach inside and undo the knots in Chloe’s stomach. No one had ever done so with such ease, such grace. Not even Rachel, though that hurt to admit. Max just knew her, regardless of the years apart. Deep down, way below the rough punk girl exterior, Chloe was still the same little girl Max had grown up with. A soft smile inched its way to the surface, god how could she not smile looking at her? The way her hair fell, perfectly framed those soft doe eyes. Those fucking freckles and long lashes. The way Max would look up at her, eyelids heavy, how could anyone keep a straight face? Chloe hadn’t realized she was staring until she felt a soft squeeze on her shoulder.

“Thank you,” Chloe mustered up, embarrassment pricking at her cheeks. She shifted in place, yearning for closeness once more. These feelings, they can't be normal. Max’s words reverberate in her skull, ‘my best friend’  they stung a little. Those ten letters formed a lump in her throat, a pit in her chest. The words had some sort of mal effect on her, and she just couldn’t pinpoint the reason. Chloe once again chalked it up to just feeling weird about Arcadia.

The blank look in Chloe’s eyes prompts Max to speak. Whatever had her in such a trance could not possibly be kind. Max used a shaky hand to brush the girl’s cheek, “Do you think we could get some sleep now?” she proposed, pulling Chloe from the complexities that danced in her mind. 

She nods silently and lays her head on the pillow, wriggling slightly to settle in. Max drapes an arm around her shoulders, pulling that mess of blue hair onto her chest. Upon feeling the weight on her chest, Max lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. This was a comfort unknown to her, never before had she felt this light. An absentminded hand travels to Chloe’s hair, despite all the bleach and dye damn it was soft. With her fingers tangled in the blue locks, everything felt right in the world.

“Everything that happened was so terrible,” Max breathes, wanting to offer one final comfort before slumber claimed them both, “It was so terrible, we’re not okay. But we’re gonna be. We can work through it Price, we’re a team and-and we can heal together. I’ll help you, we don't have to face things alone.” max consoled, her voice wavering ever so slightly. 

“It's you and me against the world Caufield, now and forever,” Chloe assured, tightening her grip on the smaller girl, as if afraid she’d get snatched away, “seriously max, what would I do without you?” she let out a small chuckle before closing her eyes and passing out, still entangled with her best friend.

I have yet to begin writing the rest of this (call of duty brainrot is taking over my life) but i promise my google doc has many many ideas. stay tuned ig? lots of love, liz

[bbymunsonx]

The Last Time (Ted’s Version)

Chapter Five

chapter warnings: language, little bit of violence (??)

word count: 1.6k

authors note: sorry this one is a little bit of a filler! but the next one is the gala and it’s gonna start to get a lil bit spicyyy

Keeley Jones: SOS 

Lacy Watson: I'm in my office right now

***

Right after hitting send, Keeley burst through the door into my office with a concerned look on her face. It's been about three weeks since I started my job here and there's, undoubtedly, been a few hiccups. 

"What's wrong, Keels?" 

She turned her phone around to show me a picture that someone had taken of her and Ted, looking very comfortable together at her last photoshoot. Ted looked like he had been feeding her or something. My stomach was in knots.

"Some asshole took a picture of Ted and I together at my photoshoot the other day. He had stopped by to ask me some questions about Jamie and now," she motioned to her phone. "Now it looks like we're shagging or some shit."

"Hey, hey. Calm down. Let's go to Rebecca and see what she has to say. She knows everyone, she'll probably know someone who can take that down in a heartbeat." 

Keeley and I went marching right up to Rebecca's office and to our surprise, Ted was already sitting across from her.

"Hiya, Lace! Hiya, Keeley!" Ted immediately stood up to greet us. I have to admit, I feel like I've been a really bad friend to Ted recently. I've been distant, only because I can't have feelings for him. He's like twenty years older than me and he's kind of my boss, in a way. I've been leaving my flat before Ted in the morning and leaving the stadium after him at night. I do talk to him, but not like I did in the beginning. 

"Hi, Ted," I said, silently. Keeley cut to the chase and immediately showed Rebecca her phone. 

"Do you know anything about this?" Keeley questioned. After taking a look at the photos, Ted looked extremely confused.

Struggling to speak, Rebecca said, "Absolutely not. Who would do that?" 

"Dunno. But I heard 'The Sun' was going to publish it in two days. That can't happen. Do you understand how Jamie would react to that?" 

"I'll talk to the people at 'The Sun' straight away. I promise." Rebecca confirmed. 

"Thank you. See you later, Ted." Keeley waved before leaving. I gave her a second and started walking after her. 

"Wait a second, Lace," Ted called out after me, causing me to stop. 

"How've you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." Ted continued. 

"Good. Yeah, I've been good. I'm sorry, I've just been so busy with everything." I felt a twinge in my chest and a little bit of guilt. 

"Oh no, don't be sorry. I'm just worried about ya, ya know?" Ted genuinely looked concerned. "Maybe we can grab some dinner tomorrow night? Even if we just get take out so you can still do your work? I miss spending time with ya."

"Yeah, Ted, that sounds like a plan." I shot Ted a smile before walking back into my office, while Ted walked out into the pitch.

***

The following morning as I'm sitting in my office working on the team's socials, Ted yells at me from his desk in the next room over.

"Lacy Loo, I got some bad news."

"What? You're pregnant?" I shot right back without even looking up from my laptop. 

"Um, no. Wow you're getting good at that. Um, so for dinner tonight, we're gonna have a little guest with us."

I stopped typing and looked up slowly. "Who?"

"Trent Crimm." Ted said with no emotion in his voice. He seemed like he was nervous about how I was going to react. 

"From the Independent?" I said in a mocking tone. I do understand that most of the time, Trent is just trying to do his job, but sometimes he's just so hard on Ted. 

"Yeah, that's the one.  Ms. Welton said the Sun agreed to not run the photos of Keeley and I if I spend the day with Trent Crimm and let him write an article about me."

I visibly cringed. "That's awful."

"Yeah, well, all I can do is just give him my authentic self and whatever he decides to do with it is up to him." Ted seemed pretty optimistic about the entire situation. At least one of us is. 

After about an hour of computer work, I decided to go out on the pitch to see what the boys were up to. Ted, Beard and Nate were on the sidelines watching the boys train. Next to Ted was the one and only, Trent Crimm. 

"Trent Crimm, The Independent," he stuck his hand out for me to shake. I only shook his hand to be civil. 

"Hi, Trent. I'm Lacy Watson, public relations." 

"Are you going to be spending the day with us, Lacy?" Trent questioned. I looked behind Trent to see Ted and Beard shaking their heads rapidly. Obviously, they wanted to protect me from being written about, but I guess this is how I can make it up to Ted. 

"Of course. With being in PR, I gotta make sure our coach is on his best behavior." I said with a fake laugh. 

Our first trip was to a local elementary school. Ted, Roy, Trent and I had gone to the local school to talk about what's it's like working on a football team. Trent and I just sat and watched while Roy and Ted did most of the talking. It was so sweet to see how the kids all lit up while they were listening to Roy. 

Roy and Ted took the kids into the courtyard to do some football drills. I stood there on the sidelines and watched, while making small talk with Trent. 

Roy's niece, Phoebe, got a little too eager and kicked the ball way too hard, hitting Ted right in the nose. 

"Jesus Christ," I groaned while running over to him.

"Oops!" Phoebe said while smiling. 

"Good fucking job, Phoebe," Roy called out while giving his niece two thumbs up.

"Let's go get you cleaned up," I took Ted's arm and lead him into the school. I had to ask the teacher where the nearest bathroom was, to which she pointed us to the direction of the staff bathroom. 

Leading Ted into the bathroom, I told him to sit on the toilet seat while I got some toilet paper to clean up the blood.

"Ted! You can't lean back you have to tilt your head forward." I scolded. 

"Yes ma'am," Ted answered while leaning his head forward, still pinching his nose. 

"Here," I knelt down with rolled up pieces of toilet paper in my hand. I placed my hand over his ever so slightly so I can move it out of my way. I put the toilet paper into his nose to stop the bleeding. "Well, the good news is that it doesn't feel broken." I took out two pieces of Ibuprofen from my purse and a bottle of water. 

Ted took the medication from me and took it. "Thanks, Lace."

I nodded with my head down, still knelt down, looking up at him. I was in trouble. Deep trouble. Even with toilet paper shoved up his nose, he was still one of the prettiest people I've ever seen. 

"Alrighty, let's skedaddle, Tampon" I tapped on his knee before slowly rising and leading him out of the bathroom while giggling. I looked back at Ted to just see him looking down at his feet with a big smile on his face. 

***

"How do I look?" Ted asked me in his office a few hours later, all dressed up for dinner. 

"Like a hundred bucks," I smiled. 

"You mean a million?" Ted questioned. 

"No, I know what I said." I laughed while fixing my lip gloss. Trent, Ted and I were going to a local Indian restaurant where Trent can conduct a majority of the interview. 

When we entered the restaurant, Ted immediately recognized the man that greeted us at the door. "As I live and breathe, Ollie!"

Ollie was our taxi driver when we first arrived to London, and this was his families restaurant. 

"Coach Lasso and Ms. Lacy! How are you guys?" He immediately ran up to Ted and I giving us both a hug, Trent was taking obvious mental notes. 

"Good! Good to see you man." Ted answered. Ollie ushered us to our seats and asked what we wanted to eat. Ted ordered the spiciest meal on the menu. 

"I'm so sorry, Ollie, I bet it's delicious, but I'm just gonna get butter chicken." I said. Ted laughed. 

"So much for adventure," Ted looked over at me. 

"I know my stomach and I'm not gonna mess around with her," I responded. To which Ted just nodded. 

Throughout the entirety of the dinner, I didn't speak that much. I just let Trent Crimm ask what he needed to ask. Originally, I was nervous about what Ted was going to say, but it turns out he was just fine on his own. Charming bastard. 

With dinner coming to a close, we all went our separate ways. Ted went home, claiming that he was already regretting the spicy food, and Trent went home to write his article. 

"Hey, Trent!" I called to him, jogging to catch up to him. 

"Miss me already?" Trent joked. 

"Please. Please be nice to him. He's been nothing but nice to you all day. Don't butcher him." I pleaded with Trent. After it all came out, I realized I probably shouldn't have said it, but I just had to. 

"Goodnight, Ms. Watson." Trent nodded and went on his way. I huffed and sat down on the bench outside of the restaurant, contemplating my life. 

***

Waking up the next morning, the first thing I did was check my phone. Higgins had sent me a rough copy of the article that Trent Crimm had written about our day yesterday. 

It was the nicest thing that I've ever seen written about Ted.

taglist: @nerdgirljen

[trans-peridot]

FFxivWrite Day 19: Taken

Tayfun and Alphinaud have a talk in the week between 2.55 and Heavensward. Sort of an in-universe, in-character explanation for his VA change. With this I think there are only two Scions I haven't written about? Yes I'm counting Tataru as a Scion.

Tayfun and Alphinaud sat together in what Haurchefant had so endearingly dubbed the “Falling Snows.” It had been over a week since... the events of the banquet. Tayfun didn’t love to think about it, and Alphinaud would be taken by waves of despair if it was brought up. And sometimes it didn't have to be brought up. He would bring it up himself just so he could wallow in the guilt.

“My friend... Tayfun, I am so sorry for what happened because of me and me alone. My singular pride and hubris has done this, and now you all must reap my consequences.”

“Alphinaud, please...” Tayfun was just trying to savor some hot chocolate, practically her one indulgence since the world she'd built as the Warrior of Light had come crumbling down around her. She felt for his grief, but it didn't have to be all the time, did it?

“I suppose we should count ourselves among the lucky ones, should we not? We at least find ourselves alive and accounted for. O woe, O woe, that I, solitary instigator of such misery, should be spared the worst of it!”

“There, there, it's alright. It's always darkest before the dawn, or something. Every rose has its thorn, and so on.” Tayfun was truly not without sympathy. But it had been days, and she had to repeat this routine at least once a day with him.

“Before the dawn... Before the Scions of the Seventh Dawn, you mean.” Shit. Word choice. “All slain, practically by mine own hand.”

“Alphinaud, you know for a fact that isn't true. Urianger is at the Waking Sands right now. Tataru is right outside, getting us some soup! The two of us are alive right here and now, and your sister wasn't even in Ul'dah at the time!” Tayfun took some deep breaths. Best not yell at the boy, he was already going through it as it was.

“My sister... Heavens, how could I have forgotten my sister...” False. He had brought up Alisaie in at least a third of his wallowing sessions. “How long until she, too, comes to bear the consequences of my foolishness?”

“Shut up! Alphinaud, shut up! Stop it, stop talking! The Scions aren't dead, they're missing. Your sister is fine. We're going to figure this out and clear our names, and it'll be fine. Teledji was going to have the sultana killed eventually, so you have no blame in that. It's fine. I get that you're sad, I get that you blame yourself, but actually it's literally whatever!” Tayfun half believed what she was saying, maybe three-quarters believed it. But if it would get Alphinaud out of this funk then she would believe it with her whole heart for the moment.

Alphinaud did not escape his funk. Alphinaud started crying. “I'm sorry Tayfun. I'm so stupid and childish, I'm sorry for acting like I'm the victim here. I'm so so stupid.”

“What! No no no, please don't cry! I'm sorry, shit, sorry!” Tayfun reached over and hugged Alphinaud tightly. “That wasn't what I was trying to say, Alphinaud. I was trying to say... You are a child. You put on that voice like you're 40, you take all the responsibility you can handle and then some, you insist you can do all this alone... But you're still a child. Pretend to be an adult all you want, and you're still just a child overwhelmed by an adult's responsibilities.” Tayfun finally began to understand what Momodi meant, always mourning how young Tayfun was.

“You...” Alphinaud sniffled and wiped his eyes. “You could tell the voice was fake?”

Tayfun couldn't help but laugh. “Alphinaud, you're 16. Everyone could tell the voice was fake.”

Alphinaud cleared his throat, and for the first time while Tayfun had known him he spoke like a child, “Alright, Tayfun. I'll do my best. We'll face down what happens next together, and when we meet up with our missing comrades again they'll all be staggered by how much I've grown. By not pretending I'm grown already.”

“And who knows, maybe by then you'll also have had your actual growth spurt.”

“Tayfun, stop! I'm sensitive about that!”

Tayfun smiled. That was more like it. A kid his age should be touchy about being short, not bearing responsibility for every death in Eorzea.