#i'm supposed to be taking a 1 week break from writing so i don't burn myself out and yet.....!

[spookyxsprinkles]

Freezer Burn

todoroki touya × gender neutral and poc friendly reader

not safe for work // 6.3k words // AO3. warnings: angst, break up, arguing, crying, touya has an avoidant attachment style, dialogue heavy, poor communication, nipple biting, oral, possessive, fingering, spooky doesn't know how to write.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Don't be so melodramatic. We weren't even dating," Touya said, taking his keys out of his pocket.

"I--I know but... you know what I mean."

"What do you expect me to say?" He scoffed. "That I'm sorry? 'Cause I'm not. I don't want this."

"Liar."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." He opened the door of your apartment and walked out towards his car.

 "You think I don't know you're pushing me away on purpose?" You follow him out, not caring that you had different shoes on. "As much as you like to pretend you don't care, I know you--"

He interrupted you with an angry laugh, before turning to face you as he reached the sidewalk in front of his car. "You must be delusional if you think you have me all figured out. Don't tell me what I feel. You don't fucking know me."

His car's lights flashed as it unlocked and he opened the door, standing there and glaring at you like if you had spit in his face. Maybe, in his mind, you did.

"I don't need to know every little thing about you to know that you're lying to yourself because you're afraid."

"Afraid of what, huh? Afraid that I'll actually start to care about you as more than just a hole I use to get my rocks off, before ghosting you like all the others that came before? Yeah, you're not special, sweetheart," his hands trembled with fury.

You visibly flinched at his words.

You knew he was right. You were acquainted with him through mutual friends for quite some time before getting physically involved with him. You knew of his non-committal self-sabotaging tendencies. You knew, but it didn't make his words hurt any less.

A flash of guilt flickered in his icy eyes but it disappeared just as soon as it came thanks to the scorching heat of his emotions. You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, trying to keep your voice steady as you spoke quietly with stinging eyes.

"Maybe I'm not special, but at least I can be honest with myself. Which is more than you can say about yourself."

He threw his hands up in the air, laughing. "Real cute coming from you. I'm not the one that's so desperate for attention I start writing sappy love stories in my head. Maybe someday you'll find someone who wants to deal with this shit, but it's not gonna be me."

He moved to get in his car, so you took a few steps forward which was enough to catch his attention and stop him from getting in.

"You were just as lonely and desperate for attention as me when we first met, Touya. You parade around all day acting like you don't care about anything, you can't feel anything, but if that was the case you wouldn't come back. You always come back home."

It was a slip up a few months ago. The two of you were out with some friends at a karaoke room and he said he wanted to go home. You never brought it up to him, but he could tell from the way you nearly choked on your food, that you heard him. Since then, every time he heard the word 'home' he'd think about that moment and regret letting himself drink enough to forget his common fucking sense.

And now you had acknowledged that it was a real moment that actually happened when he'd much rather shove the memory away and pretend it was something someone else said. Someone not him.

You stood a few feet in front of him, sniffling and staring down at the tires of his car that he had taught you how to change and fill with air without you asking him to.

"You're the most stubborn person I've ever met. You never do anything you don't want to do, but you kept coming back." You wiped your nose, ignoring the feeling of the hot tears spilling down your cheeks. "Even now, you're still standing here, talking with me instead of leaving. If you didn't care, you would have already left."

He froze as if you had pushed the pause button on his anger. He stared at you intensely. The only sounds breaking the silence was a dog barking at sirens in the distance and your sniffles.

He hated that you were right.

"So what?"

He got in his car, slamming the door in anger and started the engine.

He buckled his seat belt and turned in his seat to look through the rear window as he slowly backed out of the parking space.

You panicked, suddenly shoving your upper body inside his open window.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" He hit the breaks immediately, causing you to flail as you lost your balance and he swiftly grabbed your arms to keep you from slipping and busting your head on asphalt.

"W--We haven't finished talking..!" You gasped, feeling your heartbeat pounding in your chest. "If you leave now, you'll only feel worse later!"

He simply stared at you in disbelief. His mind was screaming at him to get the hell out of there. The only thing stopping him from flooring the gas pedal was the fact that your legs still dangled helplessly outside of the car as you struggled to get inside.

You looked ridiculously stupid as you clung to the window with a tear streaked face. You also seemed so determined…

"Get out of my car," he snapped. "Right now."

He released a hand from you and moved it towards the handle of the door, but you caught his wrist with your hands.

"No," you said as firmly as your grip on his wrist.

His eyes watched as you continued to struggle to balance your body on the door comfortably. He had no idea what your endgame was here.

"You're fucking crazy."

"I love you, Touya," you gasped out. "I'm in love with you and I know you're afraid. I know you've been hurt before. I know you hate everything that's happening right now, but I can't let you leave like this." You tried wiping your eye by rubbing it against your shoulder, before looking back at him.

"I won't force you to stay with me and I won't force you to share things you don't want to share, but I also won't let you run away without us properly talking things through. If we're gonna break up then I don't want to let it end with that as one of our regrets."

He hated that you weren't giving up on him so easily.

Touya stared at you as you spoke. You were so calm and reasonable in spite of the ridiculous position you were in. There was no anger or irritation in your voice, just sincerity and...

He let out a deep breath in an attempt to stay calm.

"That's very big of you," he said defensively. He was always so defensive. "Trust me, it's better this way."

Your eyes studied his face before you decide to take the plunge and vocalize the thoughts that had been swimming around in your head recently. "Is it better or is it just the easiest way to avoid your feelings of inadequacy and fear of rejection?"

You watched as his eyes widened a minuscule amount that likely would've gone unnoticed if you hadn't known him for so long. You could feel the flames of his rage from the way his face contorted, his mouth opening to set you ablaze.

Your hands slipped down from his wrist to hold his hand gently in yours, your thumbs resting on the back of his hand.

Your grip was loose. He could easily pulled himself free if he wanted to.

But he didn't.

And that's all you needed.

"I've seen you be blunt beyond the point of just being rude to others and to yourself. You have standards that make it easy for you to look down on those who don't meet them yet even the ones that do fit them get pushed away. You easily say whatever's on your mind, unless what's on your mind risks leaving you vulnerable."

Your thumbs delicately drew circles into the dark marks on the back of his hand that were uniquely his. A sad smile marred your face as you continued to speak.

"I'm always watching you, always listening." Your eyes looked up into his, persevering through his gaze that scorched anything he deemed a threat. "You'd rather be alone than feel alone."

He was speechless as he watched you speak. You read him like an open book. A book he routinely burned whenever someone poked and prodded in a pathetic attempt to get closer to him. How had he let his fire get extinguished so easily? How did it not burn you like it did everyone else?

Like it burned him.

Even he was unable to escape his own flames unscathed.

The fantasy that played in his mind's eye was one where you patiently stood before him as the smoke cleared. His eyes stung and his breathing hitched at the thought.

He sighed deeply, looking more tired than you'd ever seen him before.

"I was serious," his words and tone contrasting with the heavy look he carried on his face. "You're wasting your time if you expect me to tell me what you wanna hear."

You shook your head, "I'm not asking you to say it back. I don't need words when your actions mean more to me." I bring his knuckles to my lips, pressing a soft kiss before looking into his eyes, "Besides, if it's time you're worried about, I wouldn't mind wasting it together."

His entire body reflexively ached to leave at the display of vulnerability, yet he couldn't tear his eyes away from you.

Words escaped him as he stared back into your eyes with a confusing mix of fear and hope swirling in his icy blues.

He swallowed hard and finally spoke, "So, all this time," he started as he gathered his bearings, "you've been watching me like some kind of weirdo?"

"Of course," you laughed softly. The movement set a jolt of pain to your abdomen that reminded you of your current position. "Can we go back inside and talk? My stomach hurts from hanging out in your car like this..."

You hissed as you tried to remove yourself from the car. It was definitely gonna leave a mark. He waited until you moved back to the sidewalk before he parked and got out.

"I didn't tell you to jump through the window like a maniac. Seriously, what's wrong with you?"

"Desperate times call for--"

"Dumb ass fucking measures?"

"Yes, precisely. Glad we're on the same page."

He rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, walking back to the apartment. "Masochist."

"Sadist."

"You know the door was unlocked, right? I was gonna show you 'til you started manhandling me."

"Never let them know your next move."

"So, just dangle like an idiot and hope you don't get run over?"

"I'll admit I'm not good under pressure."

He snorted as you opened the door. He just realized you had chased him out in different shoes. Desperate times, indeed.

"Anyways," you continued as you shut the door behind you and removed your shoes, "You liked it. Thought it was super cool and hot when I was flailing around like an idiot."

"Yeah," he said genuinely, catching you off guard and nearly causing you to trip over the entryway step, but you caught yourself against his arm.

You looked up at him with hopeful eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he repeated sincerely, his eyes staying on yours. "I did."

You swallowed, feeling your eyes prickle with tears as your mouth gaped at him.

He pinched your cheek.

"C'mon," he said as he walked away from you and further into your home to take a seat on the couch. "Let's do this talking thing. We can watch a movie after or whatever..."

You couldn't see his face as he walked away but you could hear his uncharacteristically breathy inflection and stiff tone when he spoke. Was he feeling nervous? Shy..?

The fact that he was the one trying to get the conversation started rather than avoiding it made your chest bloom with warmth. You had expected him to come up with other things to do first in order to put off the awkward and uncomfortable feelings for a bit longer.

You hopped over to him with a blindingly bright grin, sitting near him on the couch to give him some space for this conversation. However, he pulled your body closer to his so that your sides were pressed up against each other. He wrapped an arm around you while you leaned against his chest.

"So..." he started and you could hear something akin to timidity in his tone so you hugged him, letting your hands affectionately stroke his sides. "I'm shit at feelings."

You wanted to laugh at his blunt word choice but didn't want to come off as mocking and discourage him from speaking. "You are not shit at feelings. You seem to feel things quite strongly. We just need to work on helping you feel more comfortable with letting them out in a healthy way, rather than boxing them up and defaulting to avoidance."

"So, I'm shit at feelings."

"If you say that one more time I am going to bite you."

"I'm shit at-- what the fuck!"

"You were warned."

"My fucking tit--"

"Not my fault it's so chewy."

"I'm shit at-- don't you bite me you fucking animal. Hear me out." He had pinched your cheek again to stop your open mouth from it's impending attack. "I'm shit at this. I know. Don't… laugh at me."

Your eyes softened and you brought your hand up to cup the one he had squeezing your cheek. He released his hold on your skin but you kept it held as you let it slide down to your lap.

"It might feel a bit awkward for you but I promise I won't think less of you for sharing your feelings. I appreciate that you've been trying."

"'Been trying?' I've done jack shit."

"No, you have done 'shit'." You reassured him as your fingers drew circles into the skin of his hand. "You came inside--"

"I always come inside," he smirked.

You bit him again.

"What? No complaint for me this time, Touya?"

"I deserved it."

"Masochist."

"Sadist."

Your lips pursed for a moment as you tried to remember where you were.

"Ah, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," you glared at him playfully, "You've already shown me that you're trying. You came back inside, initiated our talking time, and you're participating, too. I know emotional stuff feels hard, but I'm really, really proud of you."

He let out a 'tch' in jest, before leaning down to whisper into the side of your head. "In case you forgot, I also listened to you while you tried playing leap frog on my car."

"Very true, but I didn't forget. I didn't want to include it since I was practically holding you hostage at the time."

"Hostage?" He laughed haughtily, "If I really wanted to leave you I would've ran you over."

"Why is that strangely sweet..."

"'Cause you're a damn masochist. Get help."

"This, coming from the sadist..." The room was quiet as I rubbed his chest lightly with one hand. "I was really scared you were going to leave earlier, Touya. Like, for good."

He clenched his jaw but didn't say anything, opting to listen since he knew she probably had more to say on the matter. And she did.

"I was afraid that I scared you off by talking about-- about whatever menial domestic thing it was we were talking about before. I can't even remember what it was." You clutched his shirt without thinking as you struggled to remember what could've been the catalyst to losing the person you loved.

"Toilet paper," he stated after a pause. "You read about some sale at the store and were talking about how we should go before the weekend so we could stock up. Then you mentioned wanting to buy me strawberry ice cream."

Silence.

"It all sounded so permanent, so easy to you." You could feel his body tense as he struggled to force himself to speak. "Seeing a future where we go grocery shopping for toilet paper and you buying me something. Something that'll sit in the freezer waiting for me even when I'm not around. Something just for me." His last words were barely a whisper.

Your mouth felt dry, it made sense. He had a hard time staying in one place for too long if it felt like he was being smothered or expected to do things he didn't want to do. Your apartment was no exception, even if he clearly spent more time here than any other place.

"Yeah, you're not special, sweetheart."

You felt a cold ache in your chest at the thought of his angry words from earlier.

You told yourself they were just that, angry words. If they were true, would he have bothered to come back at all? No. You knew Touya was good at lying and even better at emotional warfare. It's how he protected himself. He hadn't done it to you since before the two of you were friends, back when you were just another random person trying too hard to get to know him. Today was the first time in years he had said something that caused you to feel bad about yourself.

You would need to talk about it with him later. Right now you wanted to hear him out, so you shove the memory away for now. You can worry about it later.

As painful as it was to hear him speak of his troubles with having a place to call home, you were grateful to him for really trying. Really, it was incredible just how far he's come already. You always knew he was a fast learner if he wanted to be and this meant so much to you. He had never let himself get this vulnerable with you before.

You wanted to tell him something in response but why did it have to be now, of all times, that you couldn't find the words to speak?

You forced yourself to swallow and nodded at him in encouragement. You didn't want to cry and risk him getting cold feet about the feelings thing. You didn't want him to think this was a mistake and that you couldn't handle the truth, because you could, you just felt deeply for the inner conflicts that took place inside of his head. His fears, his happiness, his efforts... it all meant the world to you and it was really getting to you.

You quietly cleared your throat and with a hoarse voice said, "I can see how that would have caused you to react the w-way that you did."

You mentally cursed yourself for the way your voice broke pathetically mid-sentence. "Sorry about that." And you were. You knew he got flighty over things like that but in the moment I just wasn't thinking.

"Hey, don't wimp out on me now." He pinched at your cheek again. "If I'm gonna bare my damn soul or whatever the hell, you sure as shit better not hold out on me. If you gotta get weepy, then get weepy. I'll save the laughing for later."

Your lips trembled at his words and you can feel your face crumple as you bury it into his chest and wept.

"I was so scared I lost you, Touya."

He stared down at you, committing the sight to memory.

His carelessness did this.

He pulled you in closer to him and placed his cheek on the crown of your head. A little while later you calmed down, sniffling and apologizing for accidentally turning his shirt into a tissue.

"Sorry, this is really embarrassing," you sniffled out with a stuffy nose.

He took in the sight of your puffy eyes and runny nose, before looking away. "S'whatever. I know you, too, you know. That thing you said earlier? About you always watching and listening? I do the same shit with you. If being a crybaby helps, then do it unless you wanna be shit at feelings, too."

Sniffle. "We're both not the best at handling our own feelings, huh..."

"An understatement, in my case."

"It's good that you're acknowledging the areas where you could use some improvement." You say as you reach up to cup his cheek and kissed the corner of his lip. "You're doing so well, Touya."

The way your thumb gently rubbed the pale skin of his cheek while you looked at him with honey in your eyes made his chest ache.

"You--" he swallowed as he held your gaze, "think so?"

You nodded and leaned in to press another kiss on his lips. "I know so."

He felt that familiar urge to run away when shit got too personal, but he yearned for more of the pure warmth you offered to his cold, sorry existence.

"I can't promise to always be better. I'll fuck up. I know it. Just don't give-- don't give up on me."

Sharing feelings was embarrassing, painfully so. At least, that's what he told himself to explain the lump in his throat when he struggled to say the words out loud. His hand moved to your thigh and squeezed it, "I'm stubborn but I don't want to fuck this up. When I fuck up, I'll need time to get my head out of my ass."

You felt like crying again seeing how desperately he tried to let you know he wasn't going to always be good at the communication, but he wanted to be and he was trying.

"I'll sit in the freezer waiting for you."

"I-- what? The hell?"

You laugh softly at his dumbfounded expression. "I'll be the ice cream sitting in the freezer waiting for you. So, don't worry about having to rush the process. Do your best. I believe in you, Touya."

He stared at your face for a moment.

"You have low iron. The freezer would kill you."

"I'll be fine 'cause you're always warm."

He once again felt that familiar ache in his chest that he usually got around you. "Wait too long and you'll get freezer burn."

"Are you saying a little freezer burn would keep you from eating your favourite ice cream?" You paused when you noticed his amused expression. "Okay, I walked myself into that one."

"Yeah," the corner of his lip twitched as his eyes darkened. "You did."

"Hey, I know that look. We need to finish talking first-- T-Touya!"

He grabbed your legs, flipping you on your back against the couch with him crawling over you.

"Don't you wanna reward me for doing well so far?" He asked in a low voice. You whimpered at the sight of his heavily lidded eyes looking down at you, amused with your flustered face.

"W-Well, positive reinforcement is a good way of encouraging good behavior, so yes we can, but you have to swear we will talk about this right after-"

He expertly rolled his hips against you, making you gasp. "I'm feeling pretty encouraged right now. You can feel it too, I bet."

You definitely felt it.

He kissed your lips as he removed your bottoms, pushing the backs of your knees as far against as he knew you could comfortably take, exposing the entirety of you in your underwear.

"I swear," he licked a slow stripe against the fabric before pushing it to the side and staring hungrily at your flesh, "on my god damn dick, we'll talk right after I make you come at least four times."

"F-Four?" You could feel his thumb teasing you as he swiped up and down your flesh.

"Five now," his lips wrapped around your sweet spot. He sucked while rubbing his tongue against it at the same time, making your body shudder.

He needed to make up for making you cry so much today.

Your hips bucked against his face, then his fingers.

"So fucking eager after all that talking, huh?" He gave a lopsided grin as he licked the taste of you left behind on his lips. "Yeah, we're definitely talking more often."

He soaked his fingers with the bottle of lube he liked leaving between the seat cushions for times like these. You felt one of his slick fingers tease your tight hole.

"Tell me who fucks you better than me."

"N-No one!"

"Weak shit. Say it again."

"You're the only one who fucks me t-this well!"

He slowly pressed his finger in, the stretch making you sing. He took his time prepping you before inserting another finger and moving in and out of you. He lapped you into whines, working his hand at the pace he knew drove you wild. You cried out praises for him, which he liked almost as much as he liked fucking you to tears.

"And who does this hole belong to? Who owns the rest of this pretty body?"

"Y-You do, it's yours, Touya! It's all yours for you to use as you please!"

You felt your legs trembling as he kept his hands busy with fucking you. The coil inside of you tightening as he vigorously pumped and sucked.

"T-Touya..!" You voice broke as you wailed.

He smirked, feeling satisfied at how fervently your hips bucked against him. You were a needy mess and he hadn't even stretched you with his fat cock yet.

Soon.

"It's mine. You're all fucking mine." His head dived back in and you felt yourself on the precipice of-

"Yeah, you're not special sweetheart."

You shook your head and looked down at him as he looked up at you. He sucked you hard, making your back arch. You were so close.

You stared through half lidded eyes, throat already sore from the sounds he'd easily pulled from you. You tried to focus on the view of him pleasuring you with expertise. Your was mouth open as you shut your eyes and leaned your head back against the couch. You were so close.

"Afraid of what, huh? Afraid that I'll actually start to care about you as more than just a hole I use to get my rocks off, before ghosting you like all the others that came before you?"

You grit your teeth.

Now was not the time for this.

Your eyes shut. You forced the memory away from the forefront of your mind. It doesn't matter right now, you'll tell him how you feel about it later.

Now wasn't the time.

Later.

Later.

...

"Fuck!!" You felt Touya pull his body away from you. "Did I not hear you say the safeword!?"

You opened your eyes and Touya's blurry face had moved from in between your legs to kneeling on the floor beside where you laid on the couch. You blinked your eyes and wiped them with your hands. Oh.

You were crying again.

The realization brought more tears and you looked over at Touya who stared down at you fearfully.

"Maybe someday you'll find someone who wants to deal with this shit, but it's not gonna be me."

"Hey, what--" his voice cracked.

Your body shook as you sobbed into your hands.

A sinking feeling had found it's place in his stomach. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't-- I didn't hear you-"

"T-That's not it." Your voice muffled by your hands and your stuffed nose as you continued to sob. "The sex was consensual the w-whole time."

He looked down at you confused. Relieved that he hadn't hurt you in that way, but stressed since he didn't know what happened to you. His chest burned with anxiety and it made him feel restless. He grabbed your throw blanket and pulled it over you, which you used to hide your sloppy face as you tried to calm yourself down.

"Touya," you cried quietly and he stared down at you frozen with fear.

It was him.

"Tell me what I did." He knew he'd fuck up. He just didn't think it'd be this soon.

You didn't want to hurt him. You wanted to protect him but how could you protect him from the very words he spat at you in a desperate rage? Not speaking up about your own feelings fully and pushing them aside for someone else's sake is how you got here in the first place.

You needed to practice what you preached.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you said to me."

The parking lot. He already knew. He hated himself when he said those things and he hated himself now.

It was only a matter of time until he'd ruin things here.

You saw him grab his phone from the floor before standing up and walking across the living room. It must have fallen during your activities.

"I'll text Toga to come by. I'll stay until then."

"Don't go."

"I shouldn't be here."

"Because you hurt my feelings?"

"Yes!" He snapped. "This isn't masochism, it's straight up fucking delusional if you can't see the problem with me staying."

"You hurt my feelings," you sniffled. "It's going hurt whether or not you leave. Stay and talk with me about it."

"This talking shit clearly isn't working. One second you're telling me I fuck you the best then suddenly you're crying in the next. I already ruined whatever we could've had before it even started. We already know how this ends, so don't waste your time."

"If you leave then we will know how this ends." You sat up on the couch, clutching the soft blanket like a lifeline. Your voice was firm, but not enough to cover your soft determination. "You're hurt and so am I. So, sit with me instead of running away. Leaving things the way they are now is the sure-fire way to ruin this."

His jaw tightened as he stayed where he was.

"We talked a little bit earlier, but the issue just now wasn't your fault. It was mine-"

"You're not the one who said all that nasty shit to the person you-" He turned away and glared holes into an innocent plant. "It's over. We're not even fucking dating and it's over." He ran a hand through his hair and laughed.

"You did say horrible things, but I kept brushing off my feelings. We talked a bit earlier, but I still had feelings left unsaid." You stood up, the sound of your feet padding against the floor behind him made him stiffen. You stood in front of him, with your arms loosely crossed on your chest. "How are you supposed to know that stuff was still bothering me? It's not like you can read my mind."

"Don't be fucking dense."

"I seem to recall us wanting to work things out. You told me not to give up on you, remember?"

"Before I realized I traumatized you by saying a bunch of shit!"

"You didn't traumatize me, you hurt my feelings. There's a difference."

"You know the reason you had 'feelings left unsaid' is 'cause I basically mounted you before you could finish saying them, right?"

"No, that's not true and don't demonize yourself like that." You reached for his hand that was balled into a fist at his side, but he pulled it away.

He wasn't worthy of your compassion.

You frowned but didn't let it deter you. "I said it was okay --and before you say anything-- I wasn't coerced into it, either."

His eye twitched at her already knowing what he was going to say before he said it.

"You tease and mock, but you've shown me time and time again that you respect me and my body. You waited until I gave consent and I know that if I didn't give it, you would've let it go and let me talk about my feelings instead. You didn't take advantage of me. I disrespected myself by not prioritizing my own feelings. That's what the main issue was here."

"You said you couldn't stop thinking about what I said. It's my fault, they were my shitty fucking words."

"I'm not trying to say your words weren't a part of it, they definitely were, but I know you were just... saying what you could to put distance in between us."

He sneered, "Is that what you're telling yourself? Doesn't matter why I said it. Intentional or not, lies or not: it still fucking hurt you." His lips curled bitterly as remorse stained the cool blue of his eyes. "It'll be what you think of when you see me from now on."

You took a small step towards him, careful not to invade his personal space but enough to momentarily satisfy your need for physical closeness. Your need for the comfortable heat he offered to you as you both stood together in silence.

"I won't lie..." You started.

He knew that you never lied to him. Your stupidly sincere approach to interactions with him were probably what got him wrapped around your finger in the first place.

He did wonder if you ever lied to yourself about him, though. It'd explain why you let him stick around even while knowing he was a jackass.

He also recognized there wasn't any actual weight to that way of thinking. If anything, the times where your feelings felt so real outweighed those paranoid thoughts of his. Sometimes he'd catch you looking at him. The sweet honey dripping from your eyes at him doing fuck all felt so raw that he'd panic and have to leave for a while.

Whenever you smiled at him, even the soft little ones, you beamed bright enough to burn him to cinders if he let it. Lately, he had found himself simmering under your heat longer and longer, letting himself get singed by you.

Seeing you fidget with the hem of your top snapped him out of his thoughts. You were still in your underwear and it reminded him that he'd burned you. Not with the heat of patience and kindness that you regularly thawed him with, but with flames full of his own agonizingly self-sabotaging wrath.

"I won't lie," you repeated after taking a couple seconds to gather your thoughts. "I'll probably always think about what you said."

He already knew it yet it still made him hate himself more.

"The same way you'll probably always think about it, too."

You sweet, merciful, stupid fucking angel.

"Stop."

"No. You need to hear this."

"Just fucking stop."

"Don't interrupt me, Touya."

He glared at you in irritation as he clenched and unclenched his hands in an attempt to keep himself grounded. Mentally and literally. If he ran away now, you wouldn't be able to share your thoughts. He owed you that and so much more.

"It's something that effected the both of us and it'll change the way we are, but we don't have to let it change us in a bad way. We can use our hurt to help us grow." You said while looking at him with eyes full of hope. "We won't forget it happened and we shouldn't."

"We-- you--," he stammered. He could see the patience in your face and logic, feel the tender touch of your words. He was concurrently immolated by your steadfast mercy and by his venomous wrath. "We need to end this before you get hurt again."

"'Before I get hurt again'? I am going to get hurt again. By you, myself, or some other thing. It's what happens as we live and grow. The difference is learning from it. This is our 'before', and if you let us, we can work on moving on towards our 'after'."

"You know how ridiculously optimistic that sounds, right? Stupidly sappy, too. You really think it's as simple as that?"

"Can I hold your hand?"

He blinked in confusion at the randomness of the question but gave a small nod. You took ahold of it with both of your own.

"We both know it won't be simple. We both have baggage and hurt we'd need to address if we want to be something. It's going to be really hard, but if you stay I know that we'll both put in the work to reach our 'after' and every 'after' after that."

He stayed silent as he took in her words. You really saw--

"--Lots of 'after's, huh?" He quietly spoke as he tried to drown out his nerves with a teasing tone.

He looked at you with hopeful eyes that brought a small smile to your face.

"Lots of 'after's. I am your ice cream sitting in the freezer, remember?"

He'd scoff if he hadn't just gotten the wind knocked from his lungs.

You raise his hand to your lips before pressing a little kiss on the scars on the back of his hand before tugging it gently so he'd follow you to sit back down on the couch.

"I'm not eating freezer burnt ice cream."

"Hey! That's so mean…" you pouted. "And wasteful. You're way too picky of an eater, no wonder you're always grumpy."

"I'm fucking with you."

"Oh, I know. I'm fucking with you, too."

"Sadist..." He affectionately played with the shell of your ear while resting his cheek on your head. The gesture filled her with elation as they sat in comfortable silence.

"Look, I'm..." he started, struggling with his words.

"I know."

"I shouldn't-- I shouldn't have said those things earlier."

"I know."

"You didn't deserve it," his voice was softer.

"I know," you wrapped your arms around his firm torso, squeezing a little tighter.

"You're clingy. What're you thinking? Don't skimp out on me again, I wanna hear all the ugly shit, too." He lightly pinched at your cheek, "This shit ain't gonna work if it's one-sided. Start talking."

You smiled as he pressed his lips to your forehead.

"Okay, Touya."

[hvllowheart]

hi! regarding your last post about abandoning projects, do you have any advice for overcoming that?

I do!

1. Write something you're passionate about.

Now, I get that everyone constantly says that, and you'll think, "that tells me absolutely nothing" bc passion can only get you so far and usually fluctuates a lot. It's something I've started to realize happens to me. One day I wake up and have a new idea I love and think "wow this is gonna be a piece of cake to finish" despite me knowing it's going to entail a lot of planning and once I get the inital idea out of the way and get to that planning stage my attention for the project... dies.

What I mean with that is to write something you're passionate about is that you shouldn't write something into the project you feel like others will like. Or if it's a project with tropes in it, that you have to follow those to the T.

If an idea is boring, don't write it.

If you have a cool idea that might not fit the vibe entirely, write it down. Keep it in mind for later when it could fit the vibe better.

Incorporate as many things you love as you like and then worry about how the broader plot can shape around them.

2. Don't write in order of what's supposed to happen.

I know it'll make you feel better to feel like you have a clear point A to B but truth is, some parts are going to be extremely boring to write. You won't want to write all about the logistics of a scene happening right that moment or the spicy dialogue that carries the scene bc you're way more focused on another detail that drew you to write a particular scene.

In those cases, I usually just put whatever is supposed to happen in brackets [insert car chase here] and move on the bits I'm excited to get to. You might wake up a couple of days later thinking you want to revisit that car chase scene and write it all in one go now that you've stopped obsessing over a different scene you cared for before.

3. Make the experience more fun for yourself.

If you feel like you're burning out and losing steam from writing and planning the project, take a step back and do something else.

If I still feel like doing something with the project that isn't necessarily write it, I tend to end up making edits or a playlist or looking for inspiration pictures that might give me an idea of a new setting or what a character will look like. And that's what usually keeps my brain working and thinking about the plot.

As soon as another idea pops into my head bc of the space I took not writing the projects itself, I write it down and get reinspired to work on it.

4. Look for inspiration.

As mentioned in 3., I can't recommend enough to look for inspiration in pictures or boards on pinterest or a song or a quote you really love. Trust me, seeing a cool picture or reading a quote that immediately makes you think of a specific character makes you itch to get back to writing.

It also allows your writing to grow when you take the time to look for inspiration. Writing everything in one go might make you feel productive but the quality could potentially decline the longer you're at it and when you come back to it you'll ask yourself what the hell you were on writing some of the stuff. So taking that time, finding new locations/side characters/some dialogue snippets you could incorporate, will make you feel excited to actually see those ideas and inspirations become part of your project.

5. Take breaks.

This is another one of those things you always hear and think, "that's what leads me to abandon it in the first place??" and while I agree (been there) It's also important not to get burned out by the project.

The breaks shouldn't span entire weeks, of course, but don't beat yourself up when you can't get to the project for a couple of days bc of life happening or something else being more interesting.

Taking those breaks ensures you not only build anticipation, but it also let's the project breathe and allows you the space, to again, think of the broader plot or a specific scene that could be cool to incorporate.

6. Find someone to talk about the project with.

In our day and age, we're lucky to have such big writer communities. Chances are, someone out there will get aboslute brain rot from the project you're working on. Talking to people like that will not only allow you to have someone to bounce ideas off of, but it'll also keep you focused and in a way, hold you accountable to actually see it get to a point you can and want to share more.

Starting up a WIP blog, like the one I and many others have, or a writerblr blog will attract people to the idea and have them reach out to ask questions that again keep you thinking about fun parts of the project and develope the idea.

I have a friend I constantly talk to about every idea he and I get. Not all of them ever see the light of day, but we talk about them, send ideas we think could be cool, and write small snippets of scenes bc we are excited about the project. That not only gets you to a starting point, but also makes the planning way smoother and means you're getting instant feedback.

And that's what usually gets you to write more instead of watching your project collect dust in the drafts.

7. Write every single idea down.

This is also something everyone says, but it's true. Chances are, you forget the idea and kick yourself for it later or you think it won't be as good as you imagine it and then you have a missing scene you don't know what to do with where that idea could have fit.

Sometimes, usually just before bed for me, I get ideas, and since I have my phone close by, I just open the notes app, write down the snippet of a conversation I just thought of or a cool detail I'll add when I get back to the file and BOOM I have the next plot point figured out without actively forcing myself to sit in front of the computer and thinking "what is supposed to happen now??"

Even if the idea is silly or seems wack, I can't recommend writing it down enough. You'll thank yourself for it and in a way train yourself into passively thinking about what could happen next.

I have a dedicated page in my files just for random ideas I got in the middle of the night and while some will not make it into the draft itself, it's still fun to think about them or even write a short scene involving the idea just to see where it goes. Maybe it'll inspire you to take your project into a new exciting direction, too!

8. Don't obsess over word counts/progress made.

It's a recent shift I've noticed, where people obsessively focus on how long a scene/chapter is. Like one being 5k long means it's somehow better than a scene that's only a couple hundred words long, but concise and has the kind of structure that keeps you engaged.

If you feel like a scene is done and you're happy with it, even if it's short, leave it. Maybe you'll come back to it and add more, but maybe you'll realize it's perfect the way it is and doesn't need unnecessary details added.

9. Don't get lost in the details.

This is something I've neen prone to do. Obsessing over a single detail or scene to the point that working on it becomes exhausting because I couldn't move on.

It's what kills your drive to write on the project fairly quickly and relates to the point I made to just put whatever is supposed to happen in brackets to revisit later.

The details are usually what make the story feel personalized, but it's also so easy to get lost in them. Writing the broader scene down and revisiting it sometime later to add those details is going to keep you writing and engaged with what you want to make the project into.

10. It's YOUR project, don't forget that.

Sometimes I've started things I thought were fics or stories I'd love to explore only to realize I'm not the best writer for those or that the writing part just isn't as fun as I hoped it could be.

You need to be aware of when to cut your losses. If the project starts to feel more like a drag than what you initially started with, scrap it OR, and this is something I've started to seriously do, is to rewrite/re-plot it from the beginning.

It is time-consuming, but you'll feel better for it in the long run if you take the bits you like and forget the ones you don't and build the project anew. It's tedious but really rewarding once you manage to get to the parts that were there before discouraging you from finishing the project in the first place. And the most important thing is that you're happy with your project.

♡

Of course, what works for me might not work for others, but those are some of the broader things I can recommend you try :) I hope I was able to help a little!

[aphroditestearsofjoy]

#𝟏𝟎𝟎𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 - Week 1

Although I am (extremely) new to the self improvement community on tumblr. I have seen the #𝟏𝟎𝟎𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 challenge from @dreamdolldiary come by a few times amoung self improvement creators. Because of my curiosity, I have finally read the challenge and I immediately knew that this was the ideal challenge for me to start my self improvement journey! The "goal" of this challenge is to start with holding yourself accounteble and to build healthy habits.

So these were my first few weeks of attempting following this "challenge". And it went absolutely horrible, but I learned a lot from it.

The first 2 days of this challenge I felt very confident and good. But I completely broke down after that. I completely ignored this challenge for the next 2 weeks, because I wanted to focus on school. But because of that I forgot myself and selfcare, after that it didn't take long to stop having motivation for school too. Around this time of year I almost always get a little 'winterdip', but this year it was so massive that I stayed home the past week because I could not find the energy to move or do anything. I was probally already overworked when I started this challenge and expected way too much from myself.

What I'm going to do is analyse the situaltion, break the causes in small parts and find solutions for my problems. I will end this post with a plan for "week 2".

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 "𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐩"

☙ 𝟏. My biggest problem is that I value my results over my wellbeing. But because of that I feel so horrible that I am also not able to preform well. And that involves slowly into a burn-out.

What I will do is prioritise my goals my physical, mental & emtional goals. While slowly adding more other goals to work on. To help balance schoolwork & my wellbeing. I will make an overview the schoolwork that needs to be done weekly. Then I will decide what to do from that list when planning out my day, I will plan my studying sessions based off the time that I have to study that day. When I don't have the time to finish, I will let it go and do it another day. I will try to do as much work as possible on school days, but what I can't get done in that time, I will make in the weekend.

☙ 𝟐. I have the tendency to stress over the smallest thing, but I will nog give myself the space and time to process those. In my night/ evening routine I will add 10 minutes of non-stop writing. That way I can get my feeling out and if I notice that someting is really bothering me, I will take time for it the upcomming day.

☙ 𝟑. I will make time for a self care day. Saturday, after I return from work, I will make a nice lunch and drink for myself, read, take a bath and do fun things! (Like a mini movienight).

☙ 𝟒. Learn to let go! I have the ability to make myself so incredibly, by simply not leting go of the thing that do not serve me. I carry other people's trouble's, other people's expectations and lot's of other thingsI have no influence on. But even the things I have influence on, will not get better when I worry about it.

To let go, I must acknowledge what is bothering me and that stressing over it won't help me. Writing out my problem may help with this.

𝐌𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤

☙ The main focus for week 2 will be my physica, mental and emotional gaols:

♡ Physical I follow my weekly work out-plan. I eat healthy. I use my skincare consistantly. I go to bed before 10 pm.

♡ Mental I make time for self love. I plan out my day and follow my plan. I journal daily.

♡ Emotional I do the things that bring me happiness and fulfillment. I write the things that bother me down. I allow myself to feel my emotions fully.

I will accomplice these goals by panning my days around them.

☙ I want to go on a nature walk upcomming week. ☙ I plan out all the work i am supposed to do. ☙ I am productive in school. ☙ I start following my morning & night routines. ☙ I read when I'm bored.

Thank you sososo much for checking in with me, lovelies! ⚝☁ I hopefully see you next week! If you have any tips and/ or encouregement, pease do share. Bye bye ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ♡

[contes-de-rheio]

During the first semester of this year, in fact until August, I tried to put my to-do list in an app. I had hope to be able to carry it everywhere with me, with limited additional weight to my backpack, and the idea of being able to sync it in my phone and on any device was appealing. But by the end of August, I had to put the idea to rest. It was never going to work for me. There's nothing easier to ignore than a notification, but there's nothing that can nag more at me than an unread notification. I was losing my mind, and feeling unfocused both at home and at work.

To be fair, I don't think you should be always focused. That kind of productivity is the achievement productivity books are selling you. They can be obnoxious afuck with it. But as my life is shared with my family, my work and my hobbies, I need to be able to keep track of what I must, should or want to do.

So I went back to my organiser. It sounds very fancy. It's not. It's an A5 binder, I filled with doted paper.

I use a mix of influences, but mainly I take inspiration from the original Bullet Journal method, and from Getting Things Done. From the Bujo, I took the idea of collections, of a key code and of very few trackers. From the GTD, I took the weekly review, the in-tray and always starting a task description with a verb. So what does it looks like ?

Here are the basic bones. Six tabs, with 1) routines, 2) weekly view which is gone since I began this post's draft, 3) In-tray, 4) collections, 5) references, 6) archives

The routines contains 2 things: stretching exercises and my trackers. I reduced it to only two trackers, one for tasks needed to be done regularly (I'm not sure I'll keep it), and one to see when I write or "touch" my writing. The notion of "touch your writing (every day)" was introduced to me by Lionel Davoust, to take in account everything around writing that isn't properly speaking writing (editing, correcting, but also plotting, research, brainstorming, sorting...). It helped me to be more forgiving to my failure to write.

The weekly view was supposed to be very simple. Set with the week number at the top, it was directly followed with the list of the main tasks I wanted to accomplish during that week. I only opened the next week during weekly review. The repetition with the In-tray, made it too heavy to manage, and I started to ignore my organiser (that's always the sign something doesn't work). I probably will use that now-empty spot for something else, maybe even dedicate it to learning Japanese.

The In-tray lists every task I can think of, or comes across (except emails answers where I use the unread option in my mailbox). During my weekly review I will go through them and scratch tasks I've (forgot to mark as) done, but also tasks that are no longer relevant. I also add a color code to identify 3 groups of tasks: Professional, Personal, and the ones related to my daughter and partner. (sorry for blurring so much, but privacy is key)

I will only show the index of the collections. Some contain too much sensitive data to show more. Collections are what I want to keep permanently (birthdays, travel lists, embroidery projects lists...)

The reference has only two things atm: the key, and a set-up cheat sheet, because I'm lazy.

Finally the archive is something I use when I need (want) to keep old collections, that are no longer relevant, but worth keeping for legal reason or as memorablia. Currently, I have the detailed calculations of our nanny payslips, and the comments I made for my worst quarter at work (worse in the sense it was too much to handle alone, and I nearly burned out).

That's it. It's been going well so far, and I don't really feel lost on what I could do next, which was plaguing my momentum before. Hopefully, it will last, but I've learned that I shouldn't get too attached to a system. It'll work until it breaks.

[one-hopeless-queer]

I have reread Six of Crows recently and decided to write down a summary as I was reading (had a hard time keeping up with the changes to the heist plan the first time lol) and I don't want my work to go to waste so I'm just gonna post it to this long-abandoned tumblr account I haven't used for at least a year.

Enjoy - if you need a recap before the second book or just want to remember something from the story.

Disclaimer: there are plenty of summaries online but they simply tell you the plot, and I wanted to take note of how the story was arranged, i.e., where in the book I could find a specific piece of backstory (I also included mentions of some memorable dialogue).

Tbh I don't really explain things that much so yeah, it works more as a recap for someone who has read the book than a summary for someone who hasn't.

parts in green are dedicated to explaining Kaz's scheming

PART I - SHADOW BUSINESS

1. Dregs & Black Tips' meet at the Exchange, Kaz has a plan and everything goes in accordance with it.

~~~THE EXCHANGE MEETING WITH GEELS:

1. Kaz makes the connection between Big Bolliger visiting Cilla's Fry early twice a week (Black Tips' territory?) and the rival gang crawling around Fifth Harbor and intercepting a shipment of jurda.

2. Kaz outbribes neither of the two rooftop guards. He probably makes sure that Jesper and Big B. are situated on his sides accordingly with the guards' placements on the eastern and western sides of the Exchange, so that it is most likely that, upon being called on, the first guard shoots none other than Big B. who is closest to him.

3. Kaz relies on careful planning when dealing with the first guard's presence. He relies on Inej to take out the other one before he gets a chance to take a shot Jesper.

4. Kaz knows about Big Bolliger's betrayal so he knows that Geels, who is searched by him, still has his gun. What if Big B. searched someone else though? I have to assume Kaz had intel on all three Black Tips (and Inej, with her knowledge of the gangs, deduced who Geels was most likely to take with him). Meaning there could be three possible outcomes for this. Three versions of "my Dregs are going to burn your lovely Elise and her geraniums to the ground". All of them would most likely be bluffs, like the one with Elise. Any of the Tips would be too worried for their loved ones/anything else Kaz had learned about them) to risk their lives (their as in their own and their as in their family's/friends'/lovers'). ~ ~ ~

2. Kaz goes for a walk, Inej follows him and shares her doubts. Kaz gets jumped by Van Eck's people and after a conversation about jurda parem and its effects on grisha (altering perception as opposed to just enhancing power like an amplifier) receives a proposition.

3. He talks to Inej, gives her instructions, washes his sweaty armpits in front of her.

4. He goes to White Rose by the harbour to talk with Nina.

5. Kaz, Nina, Inej and Muzzen go to Hellgate to break Matthias out.

They go in wearing Komedie Brute's costumes as part of the similiarly clad crowd gathering weekly to watch prisoners fight wild animals. They wait for Matthias to be done with his fight - he is made to kill three wolves, animals sacred to the drüskelle. Nina drops a nearby guard's pulse, they dress him in Kaz's costume cape to pass him off as a drunk. Kaz himself was wearing a guard's uniform underneath. They go to Matthias' cell and Nina tailors Muzzen to look like a similarly wounded prisoner with a severe case of firepox, so he won't be recognized. He's supposed to be quarantined for a month and then freed after the job is done. (He agreed to do that because the money was good.) Then Jesper lets out the animals used in Hellshow's fights and they escape through a tunnel connected to the arena.

PART II - SERVANT AND LEVER

6. Matthias is brought back to the Crow Club. Kaz makes him an offer - if he helps them, he receives a pardon letter allowing him to rejoin the drüskelle. Wylan sketches out the Ice Court's plan based on his and Matthias' knowledge. They discuss the plans and make arrangements. They're supoosed to leave the next night.

7. Inej is late for the group's rendezvous at the docks. When she arrives, the schooner explodes and around 30 of Black Tips' and Razorgulls' members start firing upon them.

8. Jesper gets shot in the leg, Inej - stabbed in her side. At the last moment, when she's bleeding to death and hiding from her attacker on top of a crate, Kaz shows up and carries her to the schooner.

9. On the schooner, Nina gets to stitching the team's wounds with her Heartrender powers, and Kaz questions Oomen. The interrogation ends with the man losing his eye and, despite Kaz's promise to spare him, being thrown overboard. They learn that the ambush had been orchestrated by Pekka Rollins.

10. We learn a bit of Nina's backstory (her education, being captured by Matthias' drüskelle group -> the storm). Then her and Matthias talk while Nina is watching Inej. Afterwards the team discusses the plan.

PART III - HEARTSICK

11. Inej wakes up, we get some of her backstory intertwined with bits of her conversation with Nina. They sing together.

12. Some time later, Nina allows Inej to leave her room, so she goes on a walk on the deck with Jesper. They talk about Kaz ("we're both the same kind of stupid").

13. After two days since she woke up, Kaz finally makes himself approach Inej with the excuse of talking about the plan (her scaling the incinerator shaft). He admits to having had a brother. We get his backstory up until to him and Jordie getting cheated by "Jakob Hertzoon".

14. The schooner arrives at a shore far north. The group begins a trek south. We get the rest of Nina and Matthias' backstory (storm -> night at the lodge). Then the team sees three pyres along their way, with three charred Grisha bodies. Nina and Matthias fight about it, cruel words are spoken. After that, the two talk more about Fjerda.

15. We get more of Nina and Matthias' backstory (night at the lodge -> Nina falling through the ice). Then both of them talk some more. Matthias gets angry and changes the subject to what Nina had done in Elling. Then the group gets attacked by two Grisha hired/owned(?) by the Shu.

16. Nina insists on burying the dead Grisha (Kaz: "do you want to build them a pyre?") and Matthias volunteers to help her. The rest of the group leaves, with the pair promising to catch up by nightfall. When the two are alone, Nina tells Matthias about why she gave him up to Kerch - about Grisha spies in Elling, how branding Matthias a slaver was the only way to possibly save his life and how later she wanted to recant her charges but was unable to do so.

PART IV - THE TRICK TO FALLING

17. The group arrives in Djerholm and stops in Gestinge [paradise], an inn with a terrace view of the Ice Court. After that, they have a meal at a bakery.

18. Thanks to Nina's intel, they locate a road two miles away where the prison wagon is supposed to pass. Once they're there, they wait while Jesper keeps watch.

Once he signals them, Wylan unroots a tree which falls on the road. While the guards are moving it, the group sneaks to the back of the wagon, removes six prisoners and positions themselves in their place. Kaz faints.

THE INITIAL PLAN:

- Enter as prisoners through the prison sector, leave as guests through the embassy sector.

- Get from one to the other through the only hole leading to the rooftop - the prison incinerator shaft.

- Once they're in the embassy sector - stroll down the glass bridge, get Yul-Bayur, tailor him and leave.

19. The bodies around him remind Kaz of his past (being cheated by Hertzoon -> Kaz arriving back at the docks from the Reaper's Barge). Then, he's brought back to reality by Inej. They pass through all the checkpoints and are led to the holding cells. In the courtyard Nina notices the bodies of Pekka's crew impaled on spikes.

20. During a search the guards find the lockpicks Kaz had hidden in his mouth. After him and the other boys are put in a cell, he dislocates the shoulder of a man who called out "Hey, cripple!" to him.

*Kaz attempted to smuggle in lockpicks precisely so that the guards would find them and bask in their sense of accomplishment - feel like they've neutralized the threat. Which is the reason why Jesper and Matthias didn't get in any trouble - Matthias from being recognized, Jesper from his arms being coated in paraffin so the human amplifier wouldn't recognize him as a Grisha.

21. They're dragged through a walkway from which they can see various feats of Fjerdan engineering kept in a glass enclosure - mainly rifles and tanks, the latter being a something Jesper had apparently had experience with.

22. The boys wait until 6 bells and knock out the other prisoners in the cell with chloro gas. Then, Jesper uses his Fabricator powers to produce two lockpicks from the cell's iron bars. Kaz uses them to open the door. They separate and later meet in the basement.

23. Kaz changes the plan. Matthias and Jesper are left confounded and with nothing to do when they find out that he had gone to search the upper floors with Nina. They also discover that the incinerator shaft is smouldering due to a burning that took place earlier that day.

25. Inej manages to climb the incinerator, although her rubber slippers melt in the heat. We get her backstory (Kaz arriving at the House of Exotics and paying her indenture).

26. Meanwhile, Nina and Kaz get separated because Brekker decides to search the upper cells for Pekka Rollins (more of his backstory: arriving back in Ketterdam from the Reaper's Barge -> joining the Dregs). Nina goes to look for him finds Fabrikator-made holding cells for Grisha prisoners. Later she runs into a few guards and takes them down. An alarm bell sounds - Yellow Protocol, sector disturbance.

PART V - THE ICE DOES NOT FORGIVE

27. At the prison's rooftop, the crew discusses the next steps. Jesper insists on cutting their losses and leaving. Inej sees the Menagerie delegation through the glass dome and proposes she and Nina enter with them and try to get a hold of Yul-Bayur. Kaz reluctantly agrees and orders Jesper and Wylan to break the Drüskelle sector gate (and trigger Black Protocol) at 11 bells so that the majority of the guards who are gathered on the White Island stay there (the glass bridge will be nonoperational). Meanwhile Kaz and Matthias are to make their way to the White Island via a secret passage (the girls might need Kaz "for locks" and so that they don't get stranded there alone if things go south).

28. Nina and Inej enter through the vent. The heartrender drops the Menagerie girls' pulses down and both of them don their appropriate outfits - Nina, of the "Kaelish mare" and Inej - of the "Suli lynx". They lock the girls in the closet. At the checkpoint, Nina is let through (some funny bits here of her flirting with the guard), but Inej is deemed suspicious and led away.

29. Meanwhile, Kaz and Matthias cross over the ice moat on a hidden bridge - right under the thin layer of ice. They crawl to the island, knock two guards out and don their uniforms.

30. Jesper and Wylan arrive at the Gatehouse. They deal with three guards and then, with some difficulty, manage to weaken a link of gate's chain enough for it to snap.

31. At the party, Nina notices Kaz and Matthias in guards' uniforms. Her goal is to find a military official drunk enough to "make some bad decisions", aka share confidential information. She stumbles into Jarl Brum, who she thought drowned with the ship she had been imprisoned on.

32. Inej, still in the line with the "suspicious" guests, realizes she's out of time and shouts at a guard, Nina-style. Heleen notices her, reveals her identity to the guards and mentions Kaz Brekker as well. Inej is dragged away.

33. Jarl Brum and Nina get away from the party. He leads her into the treasury, and when she thinks they're about to "find a quiet corner" (she was planning on torturing him to give her information), he locks her in a cell. Matthias appears and it looks like he has betrayed her.

34. Turns out, Matthias saw Brum following Nina at the party and knew he must have recognized her. So he approached him to "warn his commander of danger".

Then, in the treasury, when they're having a heart-to-heart while Nina's locked in a cell, they embrace and Matthias strangles Brum into unconsciousness.

35. Nina and Matthias use Brum's key to open the lab door and find Kuwei Yul-Bo who says his father, Bo-Yul Bayur, is dead. The boy rigs an explosive in the lab and the three of them leave. Outside, they get surrounded by drüskelle.

36. Kaz, who had been waiting for them in the alcove outside of the treasury, unroots the Sacred Ash and they all jump into the hole beneath it. Turns out, he figured that "Djel's voice" thee drüskelle heard was the sound of running water, a spring running under the Ice Court, flowing into the ice moat. They activate their baleens (breathing devices) and are carried down by the river.

PART 6 - PROPER THIEVES

37. Inej is dragged through the walkway in the prison sector - where Kaz apparently wanted her to be at 11 bells (I don't remember him mentioning that though lol, please correct me if I'm wrong). She lunges at one of the guards. Jesper and Wylan show up and help her deal with the other one.

38. With a winch and Heleen's diamonds Inej had stolen, Wylan produces a drill which they use to cut through Grisha-made glass of the enclosure. Inej leaps through the hole and gets into a tank. She fires it, the boys join her and they escape by charging through the Ice Court's "impenetrable" walls.

39. Kaz, Nina, Matthias & Kuwei are washed up outside of the fortress' walls, by a wide river (the wideness of which (sorry lol I had to say that) made Kaz wonder about the water source and had led him to the conclusion about the underground spring) Matthias and Nina try to save Kaz who is barely breathing. When he wakes up, they climb up the gorge. We learn that stealing a tank was not improvisation and, again, Kaz's planning.

40. The group is reunited by the bridge on a river. They blow up the bridge to stop the Fjerdan reinforcements in pursuit. Then they drive to the harbor.

41. At the harbor they find themselves being aimed at by around 200 soldiers. Nina takes Kuwei's stash of parem and puts them to sleep. When Jarl Brum shows up, she deals with him as well, but heeds Matthias' plea and leaves him alive.

42. On their way back, Nina is asked by Kaz to tailor Wylan to look like Kuwei. Kaz and Inej have a heart-to-heart, if you can call it that ("I will have you without armor").

43. They meet with Jan Van Eck on Velgelluk. He admits that the Merchant Council knows nothing about the deal and negotiates the terms around breaking it. Kaz gets him talking about Wylan, who is with them disguised as Kuwei. Van Eck's Squallers sink the team's schooner, but it's abandoned - Kaz had sent Nina with Wylan away, headed to Hellgate's abandoned underground cages.

44. Eventually, Van Eck gives a signal to attack the team. A squaller flies away with Inej and Kaz is left with guilt at how much more of a "Kaz Rietveld", his former self, he has become.

We learn that the one who unintentionally talked on them to the Dime Lions resulting in an attack where Inej received a gut wound was Jesper.

45. The book ends from Pekka Rollins' (whom Kaz had freed so the man would be indebted to him) perspective, who is offered Kaz's shares at the Crow Club in exchange for 200 000 kruge for Brekker's new scheme. He wants to go to war with Van Eck and "get his money and his girl back".

Sorry if some things felt somewhat "incomplete" - as I said, I was writing it down the way it appeared in the book, not as entire stories, you're supposed to put it together yourself or just refer to the book as needed. Also sorry if my English sounds weird in places lol. Thanks for reading and I hope it helped!

[ram-de]

paper hazes

just back from another stop... am i in a reading slump...

ugh... i know well what's messing with me now. it's expectations. the very same reason i probably didn't like how things turned out for how the story unfold is that, expectation. like, looking for something that the book doesn't offer. tropes. right, tropes. i should take a break💀 it's never that serious bro I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING FUN AND GIDDY AND JOY... like when i read ari&dante???? I squealed over the yearning in the letters and cried when the accident happens?!?!?! or like when i read eleanor oliphant??? when she slowly opens up to raymond and his family or when that time i was all oblivious so the twist of dissilusionment hits me like a truck or when she broke down and felt like all is over?!??! or mr. linus baker?!??!?! when i could lowkey relate the bleakness of his mundanity and how it changed when he got to know the kids in orphanage and how he allows himself to be more than what he allows himself and when i cried again when he's reunited at the end of the story?!?!? heck even the very short children tale like the little prince and how it's so poignant and bittersweet despite the innocent and rather forward story.

instead i am nitpicking about things i didn't like now. i barely put my thoughts here. i consume like crazy. it's not healthy. it's never been. now ask me about the 20+ titles i've read in the span of two? weeks. can i remember all of them? do i even look up spotify playlist someone made for those books like i used to before? because i used to. though not every track is a hit for me haha so bless those who creates those playlists🙏

i got to know tentang rumahku from laut bercerita, and it reminds me of laut and mara!!! feel good inc. and burn the house down from leonard peacock, and the vibes fit well with how bold and badass these sound. send me from house of cerulean sea, because of how precious this track got mentioned and the scene it attached to? and it's not limited to books either.? i got to know supermassive black hole from black mirror's mazey day.

i mean... like, when i listened to those songs, i can pinpoint exactly what book i read simply because they introduced it to me. and that... that gives the story more meaning for me, in a way... aah!!! i haven't been even thinking of the story before moving on to another nowadays... i don't want to lost the joy of reading!!! that's why i need to take it slow!!! i want to think about it days after i read it!!!! not to be replaced it soon by another!!!! so!!!! listen to me, self!!! ugh,.... though i know it already did become one, don't let this continue be simply a distraction, please... :(

everything in moderation. a certain dj in a mascot from a rhythm game would say.

-----------------------------

just negative vibes here... i had a revelation so i wrote whatever i wrote above.

YES. HELLO. i am... i am burning with a sudden passion to write about tropes. i've been reading a lot of romance books for the past few weeks until... until i began seeing patterns and similiarities in how they progress and then it struck me... i'm losing sparks in reading because most of the time it become a bit too repetitive. not saying i'm not going to read more because if i liked the trope i'd be eating it anyway.

I may or may not be a hypocrite when i wrote this post, know not why my beloved. so, the thing is, i've started reading that book because an undeserved 1 star rating, right. i used to think it's cruel to judge a book because people expected it not to be what it is. BUT THEN... but then i came across a book that made me groan uncomfortably, wishing it to be over. looked at the ratings and then... lots of undeserved 4, 5 stars, of course in my opinions lol. looked at the lower rating AND IT RESONATES WITH ME!??!?! hello!??!?! at this point i'll try not to judge other people tastes and what they rate. i mean, review based on anything, at the end of the day reading (for a hobby) is about enjoyment. and if i or you don't like it, then it's ok.

now. after i confessed my own hypocrisy. let me breakthrough some of the tropes I DETEST. a disclaimer that this is purely my opinion and if anyone (whoever idc) reads this enjoys these then it's ok!!!

codependency. big no for the unhealthy one. super uncomfortable to read when the plot is about when one can't function without the others. like yeah. i hate it. i read this one book where two people are stranded on an island and they become codependent because of it. yeah... yeah no. YEAH NO. I'M THINKING ABOUT IT AND I'M ABOUT TO PUKE. ew... UGH... IT'S SO GROSS. i'm staying away from any stories with THIS TROPE. EVER. screw broaden my reading experiences. I'M NOT TOUCHING THIS TROPE.

age gap. no explanation i think i just am not really comfortable because it's usually paired with some heavy one-sided power dynamics and that usually being the older one. and it's...???

groveling TOO LATE. i love me some groveling and second chances. but when it happens at like 70% of the book and before that it's just one of the character being an asshole to the other one... is it worth it. on that note. lack of consequences. WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR THE WRONGED TO FORGIVE!?!??! HELLO?!?!?!? GET OFF THE FLOOR AND HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT!!! MAKE THE OTHER ONE BEG AND KNEEL AND WHAT THE HELL... WHERE'S THE WRATH?!?!?! FURY!?!? like... ugh...

i'm such a vanilla person because i rather prefer fluff than spice (though i'm not going to deny spices are good too) but when the spices overrides the vanilla so much it ALSO overtook the plot then i don't know what else to think of. like... i guess the seventh time i ate the chili it's not as spicy anymore and at that point i'd rather stop haha

ugh talking negatives is draining. i'm losing energy. i'll stop here.

[mayfieldss]

He's in my head - Eddie Brock

Warnings: Language, Haha sad Eddie time

AN: It's the short 1:00AM Eddie fics bro

Eddie couldn't take it anymore, the constant nagging, humming, criticism. All the stress that Venom caused. It was burning through him, creating a dark hole he was afraid to fall into due to the fear he might never get out.

It wasn't that he hated the Symbiote, it was more the constant voice in his head, the lack of sleep, the meals that were forced down his throat at times. He felt out of control. He wanted to be control of his life again.

He spent his days in the dump of his apartment, lumbering around. writing articles on his computer, sending them in, getting paid. Ordering takeout repeatedly trying to satisfy the Symbiote's hunger and his own. He hardly ever called you anymore and when you asked to see him he would make up some weak excuse. It was getting harder and harder to conceal it all, the strength of Eddies walls cracking under the pressure. He needed to let it out but he didn't know how.

It had been three weeks since you'd last seen Eddie, three weeks since he'd last seen you, so when you'd shown up at his door he was shocked to say the least. He knew you would show up at some point but he thought it would take you longer to catch on.

"Oh god Eddie, you look like shit" Your eyes scanned him from head to toe, taking in every detail of his visibly broken state.

"I told you, I'm sick".

"Bullshit Eddie, let me in".

He had no choice in the matter really, watching as you pushed past him into his apartment before he even had a chance to respond. The place looked worse than him, covered in empty pizza boxes and crumpled bits of paper. When your eyes came back to his, Eddie almost broke.

"What's going on?" Your voice was gentle as you spoke to him, a calm breeze amongst the storm that raged in his mind. Venom was speaking to him but he couldn't hear clearly anymore, nor could he see as his eyes blurred with tears. He had never cried in front of you before and it shattered you to see him in such a state. Vulnerable and in need.

"He's-in my-head" Eddie squeezed his eyes shut as if that would help to block out the symbiote, teeth grinding against each other in a struggle to speak "All the time".

You moved across the apartment faster than you could think as Eddie slid down the door, sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. It angered you that Eddie hadn't told you sooner, that Venom was breaking him in such a way.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up" Eddie had to take a gasp for air between each word, Venom speaking to him with words you couldn't hear. A heartbreaking scream erupted through the apartment making you flinch, the source of the sound being Eddies lips as he tugged at his hair aggressively. You reached out for his hands, pulling them into your own with much struggle.

"Eddie stop you're gonna hurt yourself!" You tackled the man in a hug, burying him in your embrace as he began to sob. The things he said, sad words, broken things brought tears to your own eyes.

"He's pulling me down into this dark place-I don't wanna be there" a heavy sob left his lips and his whole body shook "I don't want to drag you down with us".

You said nothing in response only squeezing him tighter as he cried. You didn't know what you were supposed to say. You couldn't take Venom out of Eddie's head and you didn't think he would want that even if you could. So you sat there on the floor of Eddies apartment, holding him close until he had no tears left to give.

-

A significant amount of time passed, until you could no longer feel your legs under the weight of Eddies body. He had gone still and quiet long ago, the only sound to be heard being the occasional sniffle or heavy breath. You knew it wouldn't be so quiet for Eddie. You'd just learnt that it never was.

"What's he saying?"

He shifted slightly and you combed a hand through his hair smoothing it out. "A lot of bullshit".

There was a silence short and weighted before Eddie spoke again, his voice lighter "He thinks you're nice".

A small, short chuckle left your body at the thought before you felt Eddie moving away from you. You tried to pull him back, not wanting to let him go just yet but he refused your touch, straightening and leaning back against the door, his eyes, puffy and red, locked to yours.

"Thank you".

Bringing his hand into your lap you smiled "For what?"

"For pulling me out of the dark place".

-

AN: It's 1:56am don't judge my bad editing okay?

TAGLIST: @hiya-its-amber

TAGS:

[cafeinthemoon]

Don't Leave Home - Chapter VI

Chapter 6/?

Wordcount 2,8k

Title Something I Cannot Break

Fandom Jujutsu Kaisen

Pairing Toji Fushiguro X reader

Read the previous chapters

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5

Symbols ⭕ . ➕ . 💛

Warning (s) The attempt of robbery, harassment, threat of violence

Tagging @brumous11 (if you want to be tagged in any of my stories, just send an ask or a message 😉)

N. A. So yeah, finally a brief demonstration of Toji's capacities! It was so exciting to write this scene 😭 It might open the way for closer, intimate interactions between him and reader, and longer conversations as well.

About the doctor's diagnosis: infections (food poisoning, specifically speaking) use to have vomit as a symptom, and I considered including this detail in Megumi's condition, but I thought it would be too much, so I left it out of the descriptions (and I also hope it doesn't affect their credibility).

I'm sorry for posting this note in the previous chapter (it became some sort of spoiler about the baby's condition) so let's pretend this is the first time you're seeing this okay

Hope you enjoy this chapter despite that :)

The doctor was gentle enough to take time in calm you down before starting the procedure itself. He talked to you both and then to Megumi, who cried minutes before entering his room and now was quiet, staring at that old man with large glasses and a friendly smile, trying to decide if he was going to trust him or not among ll the strange people he saw since his arrival.

When you were all at will with the situation, the doctor asked you about his symptoms and his health history. In this latter, Toji was the one with the best conditions to speak: he described his first weeks of life and his current circumstances, explaining why his situation was making you so worried. On the other hand, you told him what he was feeling and the measures you took to relief his discomfort. The doctor approved them and finally started examining the baby.

He did it in calm, careful manners, understanding how stressful it must have been for a child to leave his house at that hour and stay in an unknown place in the company of people he never seen before, all of this while staying sick, at the same time assuring the people responsible for him that whatever the problem he had now, it was going to be fixed and they were going to see their boy healthy again.

He returned to his chair and spoke with you for the second time.

- According to what you both told me and what I could observe in him, my conclusion is that he caught an infection.

- Infection? – Toji asked – Is it too serious?

- No. I would say its gravity is from low to medium – the doctor stated – It is not an uncommon situation for children at his age, but most people don’t know about the first things they’re supposed to do to help the child, which is crucial for their recovery. However, not only he is a strong boy, but also you have been taking excellent care of him, and this will make all the difference.

He then pulled his notepad and started writing a list of measures for you to take alongside the medication, which you could start giving to him that night already. Now you and Toji could breathe in relief: the mystery about Megumi’s sickness was solved, and you had a solution for it in your hands; even the baby seemed more relaxed with it.

However, the surprises of the day weren’t over.

You stood up and thanked the doctor for his services, but you both stopped in your way toward the door when you heard his comment:

- I’m sure Megumi-chan will be alright soon, especially when he has such dedicated parents to watch over him!

Your cheeks burned. Should you correct the doctor or wait for Toji to do it? You glanced at him, hoping he was going to undo the mistake, but almost scolded him with what you saw instead: no shame could be sensed in his manners, and he even dared glance at you – of course he wouldn’t miss the opportunity of appreciate your embarrassment, even more when he could directly contribute to it. You saw his scar curving itself in a growing smirk and thought you were going to act yourself…

But before you could open your mouth, you heard him talking to the older man in a serious tone you weren’t expecting to hear that time:

- I guess I don’t deserve much credit in this, doctor. Despite being his babysitter, y/n made all the hard work here. I’ve been out for this entire day and only arrived here right after her.

You bit your lip to hold back the words you were about to say and the fact that Toji has surprised you one more time: never you would expect this to be the way he would choose to clarify things.

After looking from him to you and then back to him, not disguising all his incredulity, the doctor cleaned his throat and apologized for his mistake, but you replied that it was okay. You thanked him again for his work and left the room.

***

Megumi slept during the entire travel on the train, less crowded now. The experience of taking serum to prevent dehydration and waiting for his father to solve minor bureaucratic stuff at the reception before he could finally go back home was something the little boy would certainly want to forget. Before leaving the hospital, you changed him one last time in the children’s area while Toji talked to a nurse about the medication prescribed and their usual prices, then you met at the exit and headed to the station.

On the train, you took the seat at the window and he had the one beside you, at the corridor. You had your head turned to the glass for a while and your neck started to ache; you looked at the opposite side and startled when your eyes met Toji’s over you. He didn’t blink, but looked away suddenly, not even trying to hide the fact that he has been staring at you for some time until that moment. You took a deep breath and passed your hand on your neck, massaging the aching spot.

- You okay? – you heard him ask.

- Yes. Just a bit tired. And what about you?

He raised his eyebrows.

- Same, I guess – he sighed – You know, I had to run to get to the hospital at that hour. I wish I had seen your message earlier.

Your instinct of making amends was still awake despite your lack of disposition.

- You don’t need to worry about that now – you looked down at the sleeping child in your lap – We know what’s going on with him now, and also know what to do. He’s a strong boy. He will recover soon.

- I know. Still…

And he shut his mouth for various minutes then.

After glancing at him a few times to make sure he didn’t fell asleep too, you spoke again.

- And what about the medication?

He took the prescription’s sheet from his pocket and unfolded it, showing the list to you.

- It’s just two items, and none of them are hard to find. A common drugstore is the right place to get them.

You recognized one of them.

- That’s true. And this second one is really effective, by the way. We used to have it at home when I was a kid. It has countless uses. That doctor knew what he was doing.

Toji giggled and put the sheet back on his pocket. After that, there was no meaningful talking between you, under the excuse of not waking the baby up after that tiring day, but you knew you just had too much to process on your own before exchanging any ideas regarding it. At least in this you were similar, you thought. You were so used to carry things and not count on anyone that you needed some time to learn how one accepts help.

The good thing about that was the fact that no explanation was needed in this sense thanks to this mutual understanding of yours. It was weird to think of it that way, but it was what you needed to get through that night and keep your loneliness at bay.

***

While you walked up the stairs at the subway’s exit, you suggested that Toji would take Megumi directly to home while you would go to the nearest drugstore and buy the medicine. He was going to refuse and state that he could do it right now, but you argued that Megumi needed to rest.

- I know where it is and it’s not so far from here. I can go and take them for you quickly. And he needs to go home as soon as possible, right? It was a long day for him.

Toji licked his lips, giving up the argument.

- For all of us, I guess – he sighed and took some cash from his pocket – Fine. You go to the drugstore, we go home.

He took the baby in his arms and you took your bag from his shoulder, then put the money in an outside pocket on it. Before you left, he asked you to buy some bandages and antiseptic solution for him. You frowned at this request and he gave you the reason before you could ask why.

- I just remembered I’m running out of them. I need them when I come back from my hardest days at work.

You wouldn’t discuss anything after hearing the word work. You nodded and followed your way to the drugstore as he turned his back and took the baby home.

***

The drugstore was almost empty when you entered it, except for the client already on the counter, ready to leave, and the attendant that greeted you with a nod. You chose the stuff Toji asked for and showed the prescription to the pharmacist, who was quick to find the medicine and to give them to you.

You went to the counter and then left the place, happy to find everything you needed and to see that they kept them at reasonable prices.

Toji’s address was just two streets away from the drugstore, so you would reach his house in at least five minutes. That was long enough for you to put the items’ change in your bag and to check your phone to see if there was a message or a missed call. You found a text from Mari asking if you could bring something for her in the next day and two calls from unknown numbers, probably promotional stuff.

You walked fast through the empty streets while deleting the call history and replied to Mari. You were re-reading the message to check for typos before sending it, a habit of yours that you’ve developed when you started your studies in Human Resources and that would take most of your concentration no matter the place or the circumstances.

And thanks to it, you didn’t notice you had company when you were just meters from your destiny.

- Alone at this hour, babygirl?

You stopped and gasped when you heard the harsh voice coming from nowhere. You took your eyes off the phone and looked at all directions, finally finding its owner leaning on the wall at your left, ahead your spot. He left his place and came to you with erratic steps; was he drunk or under the effect of other things you weren’t willing to guess? Probably. Damn it, that was a problem: you were almost reaching the place you were supposed to go to and this idiot had to show up exactly at that moment. But you wouldn’t have any advantages in case you tried to fight or pass by him; the only thing you could do now was to run back to where you came from.

But you didn’t have time for this, neither you could think of anything else, for the man was fast and in a second he was before you; besides, he didn’t have his hands empty: he raised his right hand and through the streetlight’s pale glow you saw the sharp shape of a knife.

- Why don’t you come closer so we can talk – he mumbled; and realizing you already noticed the blade, – No? Give me your phone then! I’ll have good use for it!

You took a step back when the stranger tried to grab the phone from you and this infuriated him.

- Hey! Where are you going?! I said give it to me!

He moved his knife at your direction and you almost stumbled. This slowed your reaction and took away the chance you had to leave. There was no escaping for you now. You shut your eye tight...

But noticed that his hand never reached you. You looked again and saw someone grabbing his wrist from behind. The man froze in his spot with the unexpected response from the shadows behind him; the dread in his disoriented eyes was such that it fell into yours, stopping any reactions you could have had.

- Easy, man. That’s not how you come to a girl.

You almost smiled when you recognized Toji’s voice, but the realization that nor you or the stranger sensed his arrival kept your lips closed. Yes, you’ve already noticed how quiet he could be when he wanted, but was he really able to go unnoticed like that? It was too much, even for you.

Once he woke up from his startle, the man tried to pull his hand out of his grip, but Toji just sighed and held it tighter, as if the guy was yet to understand the foolishness of trying to escape from him; he tried to release himself a second time, but the grip only increased until he moaned and let go of the knife. Toji passed his free arm over his shoulder and with the same hand around the man’s wrist, in a way your eyes couldn’t follow, he caught the object and examined it for a second, his scar twisting in disgust for the low quality of the blade, tiny and insignificant in his hand.

- You call this a weapon? – he clicked his tongue – You should be ashamed.

With his free hand, he forced the man to turn to him and grabbed his collar. The man mumbled unintelligible words of desperation and you considered closing your eyes or just leave, for you wouldn’t like to witness what was going to happen, but to your surprise no violence was seen in the next moments.

Instead, something scarier took place.

Without thinking of how unnatural it could seem for the ones watching, Toji squashed the knife between his fingers as if it was a paper sheet. You didn’t understand why he was doing that until the object started to curve itself to his grip’s pressure. You thought your eyes were caught in some kind of illusion: was the knife just a toy or was it a real one, crushing under his strength? No, it wasn’t a toy. What happened when it broke couldn’t let you be deceived: with a sudden crack, both the knife’s base and its blade broke in small pieces. Toji opened his palm and the rest of them fell on his feet, the clinging of the metal echoing in the silent surroundings.

However, that was not what made you gasp: you turned your attention to his face and the line of teeth out in an imitation of a smile – something different from the grin you were used to see – sent a chill all over your body. The fear he was provoking in that man, the incredulity in your gaze – he was enjoying all of this. For a moment, you remembered of the first time you saw him, of how scary he was just by standing there, his green eyes being enough to shut your mouth and force you into place. That was the real Toji – and you couldn’t believe you just forgot about this. But now you were reminded of it in the most abrupt way, and this time you wouldn’t forget it.

The man was trembling so violently that it was only thanks to Toji that he was still standing; no sound left his mouth, but his lips wouldn’t stop shaking and you thought that if you came closer, you would be able to hear his teeth gritting.

Toji tightened his hand around his collar and brought him closer.

- Now leave – the grin faded as he spoke – And don't show up again unless you bring something I cannot break.

The stranger shook his head in agreement. Once he was free, he didn’t waste time and started dragging himself away from the other man; he stumbled near you, and you stepped back to open the way for him, who passed without even glancing at your direction and disappeared in the next corner.

You were still looking at the shadows ahead, in which the man has entered, your feet glued on the spot, your mouth dry. You didn’t realize that you were trembling as much as the stranger until you felt Toji surrounding you with his arm, covering your sight of the street and making you turn to him. What you did next was instinctive: your hands seeked for support and found it when they grabbed his shirt, while you hid your face in it. He passed his other arm around you, bringing you even closer, smelling your hair. You thought he was going to kiss the top of your head, but he didn’t do it.

Unlike you were expecting, his voice was clean, composed when he spoke to you.

- Am I late? Did he do something to you?

- No – you mumbled against his chest – He didn’t have the time… We didn’t even see you coming…

- Fine. Let’s go.

Toji gave you space to breathe. Without waiting for questions, he started leading you to his house, your feet just following his command.

[minubell]

If you ship Angmar/Khamul can you draw something or write something short for it? If you don't ship it or don't want to that's totally fine too I don't want to pressure you or anything (I love your tides of war fic btw).

So I'm like the Schrödinger's Cat of romance so uh....enjoy Part II of the Wrong Way to Write, set 1 week after Part 1. Aka the girls are fighting again!

As always, my ask box is open to requests!

The Wrong Way to Write II

Part 1

“What are you doing?”

Khamul pauses, only for the instant it takes for him to recognize the voice, before he resumes his stirring. He does not want anything to settle to the bottom of the pot and burn, after all. That would be a waste, which Khamul found he hates almost as much as their lord does. Almost.

Perhaps, if he ignores him, Angmar will go away.

“I asked you a question, Khamul.”

Or not.

“Oh yes, I heard you,” Khamul replies, forcing his tone light and jovial, never letting his stirring pause. His back is towards the door, though he must have been rather distracted to have not heard Angmar enter the kitchen. After all, Angmar has a tendency of stomping wherever he goes. Usually, it is hard to miss and usually, it is easy to avoid.

“Then why did you not answer me?”

“I thought it was rhetorical, as the answer is obvious; I am cooking.”

“Why?” Angmar asks, which is only the second stupidest question he has asked in the last few moments.

“…Because I am hungry?” Khamul replies. Why else would he be doing this, if not to eat whatever he has created in the end?

“But you do not have to cook for yourself. The goblins can-“

“I have seen the goblins eat one another if they feel particularly peckish. You’ll understand my apprehension to touch anything they have cooked, if you can call it that.” Not to mention that goblins did not seem to care about seasoning or not burning food. Honestly, it was surprising that Angmar put up with their food at all, given his propensity for pickiness. “Besides, I enjoy cooking, as foreign to you as that may seem. I am shocked you even knew where the kitchens were.” Shocked, and irritated since it seems one less place in the tower is now safe from Angmar’s attention. The kitchens can apparently join is own quarters in places that are not sacred, given that only a week ago Angmar had burst into there with equal amounts of discourtesy and quite literally dragged him out of his bed by his foot in order to try to learn how to write properly.

Which he had failed at.

“I am shocked you decided to take up cooking as a hobby,” Angmar comments from the doorway. Why is he still here? “It seems well beneath you.”

Khamul isn’t certain if he should be insulted by that or not. The comment is not quite jaded enough in tone to openly offend. Apparently he ranks highly enough in Angmar’s perceived worldview that labors suck as cooking are beneath him, which Khamul supposes could be a compliment if he squints hard enough at it and does not try to analyze the words too much.

“It is hardly a hobby, as I have done it near every day since I was a child,” Khamul replies idly instead. Perhaps, if he keeps his answers shorter Angmar will grow bored and leave.

“Every day?”

“As often as I eat, so yes. Sometimes even twice or thrice a day, if I find myself particularly hungry.”

“Does our master know you spend so much time each day devoted to frivolous things?” Angmar says, and Khamul can not only hear the smirk in his voice but can practically feel it upon his back.

“Does our lord know about the half-melted pile of scrap metal in your room?” He shoots back, and that is enough to make Angmar hesitate enough to go quiet.

Quiet enough that the only noise between the two of them is the scraping of the wooden spoon against the bottom of the pot.

Good. Perhaps he will take the hint and-

“It just seems strange, that you would grow up within a palace but still be forced make your own meals,” Angmar says, breaking the silence just as quickly as he made it. “Was it to ensure they were not poisoned?”

Damn.

“I did not grow up within a palace,” Khamul murmurs, having little desire to continue down that particular thread of a conversation. He forces the words out, lowers his tone pointedly.

Angmar, as always, drags him right back into that which he least wants to do.

“Some estate then,” Angmar responds flippantly, gratingly and Khamul wants to shake him. Surely, he has to understand his experiences are not universal? He must understand that. “Regardless, I am sure you had servants that could cook for you.”

It is only by biting his own tongue that Khamul manages to avoid yelling.

“Did you need something, Angmar?” He asks instead, forcing his tone to be as neutral as he can possibly bear.

“…No,” Angmar replies, lies, as if Khamul will not see right through the hesitant pause, the pitched up tone. Angmar is a particular sort of bad liar, the kind that is so obvious yet so oblivious in his obviousness. Khamul has met children who are more fluent in the language of deception, and having already endured this foolish, unnecessary conversation it’s enough to make him feel rightfully frustrated and too much to contain

“Then why are you bothering me?” Khamul hisses, spitting the word like a curse as he jerks the wooden spoon out of the pot and slams it upon the table next to him with a crack.

“Do not snap at me, Khamul!”

“Then stop wasting my time,” Khamul snaps, if only to spite him. “Stop pestering me for conversation I clearly do not wish to indulge in. Stop intruding on my space when there is an entire tower full of creatures that you can bully around.” He is tired of this charade of conversation, tired of Angmar specifically. How often did he have to escape to their lord’s workroom, choosing to subject himself to paperwork just to avoid Angmar? “I am busy, Angmar. For once, go bother someone else!”

There is a loud smack as Angmar slams his hand against one of the wooden tables by the door.

“Fine,” Angmar snarls venomously from somewhere behind him. “I’ll find someone else to help me.”

The door to the kitchen slams shut with such a force the stone archway shakes. It is quickly followed by the angry stomping of boots down the hallway.

Ugh.

Khamul does not know, nor care what Angmar needed help with. Something foolish no doubt. Something that Khamul is certain will only land him in trouble as well if he involves himself in it. It’s far better to distance himself from it. The less he knows, the less he can be punished. Their lord is fair like that, as long as Khamul is honest when he states he does not know anything.

He shoots a frustrated glance towards the door, when his gaze drops towards the table near the door where Angmar was standing. There is something laying on it that was not there before…A scroll? Frowning, Khamul gives the pot a quick stir before darting over to the table to grab the cylindrical scroll and quickly returning to the fire as not to leave the pot unattended.

He unrolls the paper and immediately fumbles the quill that drops out from inside, nearly swatting it into the fire on instinct. He manages to catch it between to fingers by the end of the feather before it is doomed to the flames, however, and sighs before turning his focus to the scroll.

It is blank.

For a moment he wants to be frustrated. He was interrupted and yelled at for what? The damned paper is blank, and a quick turn of his wrist confirmed that yes, it is blank on both sides. Khamul knows their lord hates waste, so the perfectly good scroll will need to be returned to their lord’s workroom. A long trip upstairs awaits him now since Angmar cannot even be bothered to clean up after himself. Oh no, instead he must leave his messes about for others to fix.

Khamul begins to roll the empty scroll back up, and starts to slide the quill back into it when he pauses, noticing something he had not before.

The quill is broken.

Or, rather, at some point it had been broken. It has been repaired somewhat haphazardly with a band of metal that is probably worth more than the quill itself does. The band makes the quill somewhat more awkward to hold now that it is thicker around the middle, and heavier overall than it should be. Moreover, it is clearly not their lord’s work keeping this quill together. The craftsmanship is shoddy, uneven, and bits of the feather have been smoldered as if held too close to the flame while the metal was being cast. Their lord would have a fit if he saw this, both for the wasted metal and for poor quality.

Still, the very familiar quill carries with it an unspoken offer.

“I will help you if you ask it of me.”

…Damn.

[imagineabrighterworld]

{Flowers} Midoriya x Reader

Summary// Soulmate!AU where everyone has different soulmate markers. Yours happens to be that flowers bloom where your soulmate gets injured. You just happen to be paired with the boy who breaks his bones daily.

Buds and small blossoms were the norm for you as a child. You would find yourself with little blooms on your palms or on your knees, your mother explaining that that meant your soulmate hurt themself. Maybe tripped or bumped into a table.

Your mom told you how the buds that bloomed on your cheeks meant someone was being mean.

As a teen you realize that the flowers on your body meant cruel things and cruel people.

"Hang on out there." You whisper to the flower on your shoulder, its soft petals tickling your skin. You wished you could talk to your soulmate through your skin like your mothers, how they could write on their skin and see the message on each other, or sing and hear the others voice like your uncle had with his wife. But you and your soulmate were connected by flowers.

What was going on in their life to have so many flowers? Sometimes you could feel phantom pains on your stomach as small bruise colored blossoms grew on your skin, or feel the sharp sting of a slap on your cheek the color of yellow daisies.

One day you're walking down the street when you bump into a green haired boy. You were in a good mood, lately there hadn't been new flowers on your body, which had to mean your soulmate was having a good week.

"Hi." You smile at the boy whose face immediately turns pink.

"H-Hi!" He stutters, his hand immediately going to the back of his neck. "Sorry for bumping into you, I should've been watching- not watching you! But watching out! You know- like how you walk and- and yeah.."

You chuckle. He was cute. Covered in freckles and with bright green eyes like the leaves of a tulip. "Don't worry about it." You hold out your hand and introduce yourself. "How about you?"

He shyly takes your hand. His grip is surprisingly stronger than you expected. "I'm Izuku Midoriya."

"Nice to meet you Midoriya." You smile and shake his hand firmly. "Guess I'll see you around."

"Y-Yeah." He smiles.

He smiles and for a moment the world slows to a stop.

You suck in a breath and hold onto your smile as you continue walking.

--

It's when you enter highschool that the flowers return.

You're in the middle of orientation when deep purple hellebores sprout from your finger. You flex your hand and feel the ghostly pains of a broken bone. Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes as you listen to the droning of your homeroom teacher.

What happened to start the cycle again? Why was your soulmate hurting? Who was hurting them?

For the first weeks of school, you're stuck with that question as you do nightly checks. Your arms were constantly covered in flowers, and if you were capable of laughing at something so serious, you would debate selling bouquets with the flowers you were growing.

--

The day of the U.A. Sports Festival you sit between your moms and listen to the pro hero Present Mic as he introduces the classes.

Your mom cheers from your left. "We’ll get to see the first years that survived the villain attack!"

Your mother on your right chuckles. "You say it like it was planned darling, they're only kids. They're probably scarred."

Your moms debate the mental health of the 1-A first years as you watch the students from your spot in the stands. The blooms were getting better and had receded, showing your soulmate had healed which allowed you to focus on the games below.

But then a new set of questions popped up.

Would your soulmate be watching too? Were they interested in the sports festival? Were they quirkless? Did they have a quirk? Did they want to be a hero? You couldn't stop the questions that flowed freely in your mind.

You lean on your palm with your elbow resting on your knee. Your face lights up with surprise as you spot a familiar face in the crowd of students from Class A.

"Hey I know that boy!" You point to Midoriya and tug on your moms sleeves. A smile forms on your face. You didn't know he was going to U.A. but then again you never asked. You didn't think to ask.

"I never got his number though."

Your mother hums. "Too bad, he's cute."

Your mom pats your back. "You can try after the games are over."

During the first and second event, you keep your eyes glued to Midoriya. He was a good strategist. Even if he hadn't shown his quirk yet, you could see how skilled he was. It was a far cry from how you met him. Stuttering and shy. He was confident now, albeit a little emotional. He felt different to you.

"You can do it!" You whisper to yourself, your hands clenched as you see him step up to begin his match. You believed in him!

"Welcome to the first match of the finals tournament!"

From above you could see the student across from him begin to speak. Obviously you couldn't catch what was being said, but you had high hopes for Midoriya!

"Ready? Begin!"

Midoriya begins to run forward, but right as he nears the middle of the platform, he freezes in place and stays there. You feel a shiver run through your body as you watch him. Why was he staying still?

"The fight has just begun and Izuku Midoriya is completely frozen!"

The other  boy’s lips start to move. Midoriya turns around and begins to walk back to his side of the ring.

No. He starts walking to get off of the platform.

“What is he doing?” Your mom mutters, “Silly boy, he's supposed to be heading the other way!”

Your mother murmurs in agreement. “Could it be his opponent’s quirk?”

You didn't quite care as you stood up from your spot and began yelling. “Come on Midoriya! You can do it! Don't give up!”

He was just a step away from the border of the platform when a giant blast of wind came from his hand. At that moment you felt the ghostly pains of your index and middle finger snap. Baby’s-breath grew from your fingers.

You look down at your hand in horror as the announcer screams over the intercom.

"What's this! Midoriya stopped just in time!"

Midoriya was an inch away from the platform, but all your focus was on the flowers that bloomed on your skin. Flowers in the same place as his injuries.

You sit back down, ignoring your mothers as they continue cheering when Midoriya goes back into action. You don't see what happens next, all you hear is that Midoriya won.

On went the battles, but your focus was on your hand and the flowers that slowly fell off as the broken fingers were healed.

When his next match came, you looked up from your stupor. He was fighting a boy who had so far sweeped his way through to the finals. A part of you wanted to cheer Midoriya on, knowing that his match would be a tough one, but the other part was reeling in horror at what would become of his body. He broke his bones using his quirk.

Day in and day out, you had seen flowers grow on you, and you never had a face to link them to.

Cuts, bruises, burns, broken bones.

All from him.

You don't watch his match, all you hear and feel is the shattering ice of his opponent and the flowers that burst from your skin in waves of color. First his fingers, then his arms.

The match ends, and you are left sitting with hydrangeas and hibiscus, poppies and peonies all littering your arms as if you were a living garden.

“Sweetie what happened?” Your mother finally asks from  beside you, or maybe you just weren't listening before. “Could your soulmate be that boy- hey!”

You stand up and push your way through the crowds, running down the line of stairs and around the stadium. The students were in seats across from you, which meant they had to have an entrance nearby.

A door lay in front of you, blocked by several Pro Heroes. You transform into a butterfly, not caring about the pain that rattled through your body at shifting into such a small creature as you fly past their watch and enter the stadium reserved for the students.

You fly past doors marked as waiting rooms until you reach the recovery center.

The door was cracked open, and inside you could see him. He was bandaged up, his body covered in scratches and bruises.

You shift back into a human and slam your flower coated fists on a nearby table.

His eyes open and he straightens up on the recovery bed, wincing in pain when he moves his arms. His eyes were dull with pain, but they had the same light in them as when you had met him for the first time.

Did that light drive him to hurt himself so much?

“You again- how did you get in here?” He sits up properly.

Your eyes are full of tears as you look at his casts.

“You.” You wipe at your eyes, spreading pollen across your face. “I've been a living garden for fifteen years and all you have to say is how did you get in here?”

You can hear the confusion in his voice as he mumbles a small “I’m sorry?”.

Summoning a claw, you pierce the side of your neck and make a thin line.

From his neck, carnations bloom from his skin at the same site of your wound.

His eyes widen in realization.

You both stay silent until you let out a breathy laugh. Now he knew. Now the cogs were turning. You were always so careful to not get hurt to keep from scaring your soulmate, but did he ever put in the same care?

“We’re soulmates..” He whispers.

“For fifteen years.” You repeat silently. “For fifteen years, I’ve had sleepless nights, knowing you were being hurt. For fifteen years you gave me flowers. Looking at flower shops were so painful because they reminded me of you. I couldn't even stand being at my uncle’s wedding because the arrangements reminded me of your pain.”

“I’m-”

You hold up your hand. “Why do you hurt yourself so much? Why go through so much pain? This quirk.. Is it so important for you to become a hero if all you get out of it is pain?”

With blurred vision and eyes stinging from tears, you look at Midoriya who had a quiet look of contemplation on his face. It takes a beat before he looks you in the eyes.

“I want to become a hero that brings a smile to people’s faces. A hero you can rely on.” His Adam's apple bobs as he gulps. “A hero you can rely on. I never meant to make you cry. I'm sorry.”

You slump down to the floor. You hear him squeak and jump down from the bed, letting out a string of “ow’s” before crouching in front of you.

“Really, I’m sorry-”

You place a hand over his mouth and give him a stern look. “Just shut up.”

“Yes ma'am.” He mumbles from behind your hand, his face obscured by the flowers on your hand.

“Ma’am?” A small laugh threatens to escape you.

“I say things when I get nervous..”

Despite the weight of the emotions you had been carrying, you finally laugh.

He leans away from your hand, a blush on his cheeks as you hold you cover your own mouth to try and tame your laughter.

“So um.. Im free Sunday. If you want to talk about how this'll work..?” He questions meekly.

You wipe your eyes and smile. “I’d like that.”

Extra//

You hang upside down from a tree as you watch Midoriya train. He had come over for dinner but as you waited for your moms to finish cooking, you both took to the outside. He had looked to your training grounds in awe and quickly pleaded with you to try out the course.

“It’s my mother’s, not mine, go ahead.” And how could you deny his bright eyes and smile? The damned thing could light an entire city.

He was nearly drenched in sweat by the time he stopped his run through of the course and his small session of shadow boxing. He wipes away his sweat with the back of his hand and sits down under the tree where you hung like a bat.

“Nice huh?”

“Yeah. What does your mother do to have a space like this?”

“She's a hero. But she patrols the west region. She comes back every few weeks to visit us.”

He bonks you on the head as he looks up in amazement. “She's the Transformation Hero Mystique?!”

You quirk a brow. “Bingo. How'd you get that?”

“Lucky guess.” He mumbles sheepishly. 

“You saw her hero costume didn’t you.” You ask bluntly.

He fiddles with his scarred fingers. “I may have taken a detour when I went to the bathroom..”

You turn your head and give him a kiss on the cheek. “Silly boy.”

[blixeon]

Ghost Hunting Headcanons/Phasmophobia AU with Douxie and fem!Reader

- A/N: I'm gonna be honest, I don't know anything about this kind of stuff and I'm writing based off of the sheer willpower of memes, what I've learned from playing Phasmophobia for a month and the power of inspiration to write odd hcs (and AUs apparently) at 1:30 am

Warnings: ghosties

You're both balls-y as hell and like to out dare and out do the other

"I'll give you free hot beverages from the café for a week if you stand in the basement alone, in complete darkness for 10 minutes"

"Don't tempt me Hisirdoux-"

You smirked before adding, "You know I'd do it anyways without the bribe~"

Douxie would raise an eyebrow at you in amusement, letting out a chuckle

You took up his offer and make your way to the basement

Low-key got bored and nodded off for a bit, lasting well over your 10 minutes of agreed upon time

Douxie starts getting worried when you don't come back up and makes his way down to look for you

"Y/N? Where'd you go, love?"

Since you'd only been nodding off and weren't completely out, you hear his voice and footsteps making his way down the stairs towards you and decide to take it upon yourself to give him a little spook

He lets out an alarmed yelp as you jump at him from the shadows

"Bleeding balroths! Y/n, don't do that to me-! I thought something happened to you.."

You let out a light chuckle but apologize for making him worry

It's dark in the abandoned house you're ghost hunting at, and you've got nothing but your flashlights to guide you along in your nightly quest (you'd both agreed it be more fun if magic was off limits)

You liked to hold onto Douxie's sleeve while exploring, not out of fear but just because it was nice knowing he was there

Douxie prefers that you hold onto his sleeve anyways, he'd much rather be prepared to break your no magic rule to protect you on the off chance that whatever you're out looking for wants to cause harm

Plus, it's comforting to him to know that you're close by and that he doesn't need to keep checking that you're still there since he can feel you tugging at his sleeve

He checks anyways

"I bet you won't take home that string doll we saw hanging from the doorway on the way in"

"Oh, do you now?"

Despite not being able to see eachother's facial expressions in the dark, you can both feel the grin radiating off the other's face

"Arch might make me burn it if I do"

"Everyone knows you can't burn haunted things and be rid of its evil"

"Fair enough. You'll have to remind me to pick it up on our way out then"

You and Douxie ended up going for impromptu ghost hunts so frequently it became sort of a nightly tradition

Douxie enjoys it more than he cares to admit, but it's mostly because he enjoys spending time with you on these not so traditional dates

You can tell he enjoys it and decide to put some money into a few pieces of proper equipment, even if it's just for fun

Most nights, the two of you never actually find anything, it's just fun to be out together past midnight, looking for ghosts in abandoned places

When you do see something, it's usually just goblins or shadow mephits

However, sometimes you get lucky and something supernatural sets off your gear

"Took the spirits bloody long enough!"

Heavy footsteps echo from the floor above, followed by some low but faint off-tune humming

Queue creepy whispering and heavy breathing down your neck that is most definitely not Douxie

"Please don't eat my ass demons"

Douxie's flashlight starts flickering, so does yours, signalling that the spirit is hunting

"Oh.... fuzz buckets-"

He quickly guides you to one of the rooms you passed earlier, one that still had a door attached to its hinges

You close the door behind the two of you and wait out the hunt in silence

You wait for what feels like forever before you confirm that you're in the clear

Douxie moves to open the door and peers out into the hall with his dim flashlight, pulling you along with him once he deems it safe

You guys are surprisingly deep into the house at this point and decide to head back for safe measures

The front door of the run down house is in sight at the end of the seemingly endless hallway, it looks impossibly far away. Maybe it's the light?

As you head towards the door, the floorboards creak just ahead of you and Douxie

A slim dark figure flashes in and out of view, making its way towards you two, long slender arms outstretched towards you

Douxie moves to put a protective arm around you and you can faintly see the tattoos on his arms light up under his hoodie

"Shall we make a break for it, darling?"

You can practically hear the smirk in his voice as the two of you dash for the exit

On your way out you remember to grab the string doll hanging in the doorway, as a trophy of sorts for surviving the night

The two of you keep moving until you're a safe distance from the house before you stop

As your pace slows, you notice the faint glow of Douxie's tattoos fade away

"Now THAT is how you spend a Tuesday night"

He laughs at your enthusiasm, finding it rather charming how you react in the face of possible danger

Now out of the darkness of the house and outside in the light of the moon, it's much easier to make out the expressions on his face

Douxie stares back at you with adoration in his eyes as you do a twirl in the cool night air, your laughter forming a small cloud as it echos into the night

He makes his way over to you as you slow from your spinning, wobbling a little as dizziness clouds your head

"Whoa there, take it easy. Just because we escaped a possibly blood hungry demon does not mean that you're invincible" he says, steadying you on your feet

You let out a chuckle, "I suppose not"

Your spinning had lead you to the dead center of a moonlit clearing

Douxie pulls you in for a kiss, sealing the end of your ghost hunting adventures

For now that is.

Who knows what tomorrow night will bring~?

A/N: Sorry that turned into a half assed one shot lmao, it's a lot longer than I intended it to be too ^^; I hope it's alright though! I haven't written anything in ages, let alone an x reader lol

New weird headcanon that came completely out of pocket while writing this is that Douxie's tattoos light up when he's preforming certain spells O-O

[professorsnape394]

The Potions Master’s Apprentice

Chapter Three: Steaming Sessions

A/N: This is the third part to my fanficiton ‘The Potions Master’s Apprentice (Severus Snape x OC)’. Chapters 1-16 can be found already uploaded on Wattpad under the same name. Feel free to leave requests in my inbox for anything Snape related you want me to write. Leave a comment below if you wish to be added to my tag list. 

Pairing: Severus Snape x OC (Dumbledore’s Granddaughter)

Summary: A talented young witch is employed as an apprentice professor at Hogwarts, but who will she be working under? Severus Snape is not best pleased with his new responsibility of taking on an apprentice, however she is relentless to create a friendship between them. Will she be successful? Or might the friendship just go a little two far? With the eyes of her grandfather constantly watching over them, an attempt at a relationship might not be in the cards for Aria Dumbledore and Severus Snape.

Word Count: 1726

Warnings: n/a

Credits to Gif Creator

As much as Severus hated to admit it, even to himself, thoughts of the young witch had persistently threatened to enter his mind the week following their initial meeting. Despite how badly Severus wanted to suppress his primal urges, he could not deny he had noticed her beauty.  An attractive witch of her age was a rarity in his life, and so he allowed himself the simple pleasure of a thought or two regarding the new Professor. That was until he actually got to know her. She had taken it upon herself to interrupt his last few weeks of solitude before his life was disrupted by masses insolent children. The once somewhat pleasant thoughts of the woman had now been replaced by anger and agitation. He had in fact been preoccupied in thoughts of Aria Dumbledore upon her arrival to his office on Tuesday morning. He was enraged at her boldness to contradict him and any thoughts he ever had regarding her attractiveness had for sure been killed during their most recent meeting, or so he told himself.

The following day Miss Dumbledore delivered a list of potions she wished to revisit with Professor Snape in order to give him time to prepare for their next session. The temper she had awoken within him remained, as her comments still lingered in his mind. Never before had he met someone so audacious, and brave he hesitated to add, that they would so cunningly insult him in such an underhanded manner. The rage inside him motivated him to test his apprentice's abilities even further. Inspecting the list in front of him Severus Snape began to devise a plan.

"You should have learned by now, Miss Dumbledore, that I am very much a fan of saving time and working as efficiently as possible." Severus begun, warranting an exasperated eye-roll from his coworker as she thought back to the caterpillar scenario. Clearing his throat and shooting her a threatening look Snape continued his speech. "In order to further prove yourself I have arranged for us to complete several potions from your list simultaneously. "

"You should have learned by now, Miss Dumbledore, that I am very much a fan of saving time and working as efficiently as possible." Severus begun, warranting an exasperated eye-roll from his coworker as she thought back to the caterpillar scenario. Clearing his throat and shooting her a threatening look Snape continued his speech. "In order to further prove yourself I have arranged for us to complete several potions from your list simultaneously. "

"I'm sorry?" Aria asked, not fully comprehending how his set up could possibly help her grasp the correct brewing method for each individual potion, especially since they were ones she had admitted she was not completely familiar with.

"As you proved the other evening you are very capable of brewing a potion on your own, with my help you should have no problem perfecting say four? maybe five?" He shrugged slyly.

"Five!?" Aria gasped. "You do realise Professor Snape that the list of potions I gave you were those I am unfamiliar with. I wish to spend the time going over them with you, so when the time comes I will have no problem helping the students. I fear this method may not be ideal in allowing me to master those fine details."

"Well then, Miss Dumbledore, I fear you do not have what it takes to match the skills I require in an assistant."

"I want to make it clear, Professor Snape, that I am not your assistant. I am to be your apprentice. This means it is your duty to train me as such. I will do as you ask of me, but believe me I will not be pushed around and made a fool of for the whole of this year."

"Then I hope this means we understand each other Miss Dumbledore, for I will also not tolerate the back chat I received the other day when lessons finally commence."

"Then I suppose we both have to respect one another’s wishes." Aria stated finally, circling the desk of cauldrons. Beside each cauldron she found the list of instructions. Taking the time to read each one carefully, realising these potions will take a little longer than she anticipated. "These cannot be completed in a day?" She questioned.

"Clever girl, you noticed." Snape retorted sarcastically. "You see now why I could not dedicate one lesson to each potion. The potions have different brewing times and can all be left to rest over night, this gives you time memorise the instructions between lessons. We will complete them over the next three days, giving us both the weekend free."

Complying to his wishes Aria set about collecting her ingredients and began brewing each potion one after the other. It wasn't long before Aria noticed the Potions Master get comfortable behind his desk, burying his head in another one of his dusty old textbooks, she knew he would not be attempting to assist her any time soon.

The day was long and tedious. Neither Severus nor Aria felt the need to engage in any kind of conversation at the risk pissing the other off. Severus was clearly a lot more used to the silence and spent hours behind his desk reading, occasionally making small notes in the margins of his book. Aria on the other hand felt every slight noise she made was amplified a hundred times over, hesitant to make too much noise at the risk of Snape telling her off.

The room quickly became stuffy and humid from the constant steam emitting from all five cauldrons. The young Professor struggled to work in her tight, un-breathable clothing, she had previously thought was a wise choice for her sessions with Severus. The witch peeled her thick locks of hair from her perspiring face, pulling it up into quick messy bun. Struggling to breath from the fumes, Aria took a short break, sliding off her uncomfortable shoes, hiking her skirt up to her thighs, to air out her legs and unbuttoning her blouse exposing her chest. This did not go unnoticed by the older professor, as he stealthily watched her over the top of his book, absentmindedly turning a page ever second or two. Aria let out a throaty groan, fanning herself down with a nearby notebook.

“Aren’t you hot?.” She panted.

Severus felt his jaw almost drop in awe at the woman's movements as she rose from her chair, reaching up to the sky to stretch out her bones, her skirt shifted further up her thighs as she did so.

"Can't we open the door or something." She gasped the heat getting the better of her. Severus wriggled uncomfortably in his seat, unable to take his eyes off her body. Her eye catching his, Aria awkwardly attempted to cover herself up. Shocked at the Professor's boldness, she began to roll down her skirt covering back up her legs, her chest on the other hand remained bare.

"Professor." She spoke again, trying to catch his attention.

"Umm, very well. If you must." He flustered, clearing his throat, embarrassed he had been staring in the first place, let alone been caught out.

"You don't tend to be around women much, do you Severus?" Aria questioned, seeing no reason either of them should pretend she hadn't just caught him looking.

"Professor Snape." He once again stressed. "And I don't really think that's any of your concern, is it Miss Dumbledore."

"Forgive me. I was just trying to make a little conversation." Aria found herself rolling her eyes at the man once again. "The day has dragged in after all, it might go quicker if we talk?"

"I prefer to work in silence." He retorted, carefully ensuring his eyes did not leave the page of his book.

"I'm just saying." She pushed further, ignoring his statement. "I don't blame you. Being stuck in this school 10 months of the year cannot allow for much of a private life."

"No it does not." Severus agreed, his eyes burning into the page, not seeing a word that was written.

"Still." Aria continued, going back to brewing her potions. "It doesn't mean it's impossible. I'm sure there's plenty of women in Hogsmeade willing to date, bar maidens and what not." She shrugged.

"That may very well be true Miss Dumbledore, but I am not interested."

"Men then." She stated, raising one eyebrow playfully, although she knew very well he did not bat for the other team .

"Don't be absurd." The Professor scoffed.

"What about hobbies." She chose to change the subject, turning up the heat on potion number 3. "What do you do for fun?"

"Read." Snape replied bluntly, motioning to the book in front of him, turning the page though no information entered his brain from the last.

The pair continued to talk for the remainder of the day, although Severus provided nothing but blunt responses to his apprentices enquires, he had to admit, he was not completely opposed to her company. Soon it came time for the potions to be taken off their heat and left to rest for the night. It saddened Aria knowing she had to go back to her quarters, having no one to speak to until it came time for dinner with Hagrid, and though she hated to admit it their conversations on bowtruckles and grindylows had become rather tedious.

Pausing as she reached her exit, Aria turned back to her mentor, who didn't even look up from his desk. "Professor Snape." She spoke to get his attention. "Do you fancy joining us for dinner? Hagrid and I, that is. I usually bring food down from the kitchens, so you don't have to worry about his cooking." She laughed nervously.

"Spending my evening in his cramped hut, being drooled on by that beast of his and discussing the best way to distinguish knarls from hedgehogs? Sounds like the perfect evening." He commented sarcastically. "Goodnight, Miss Dumbledore."

Letting out a short breath Aria Dumbledore flashed one last smile at the Professor before taking her leave. "Goodnight, Professor Snape."

Taglist:

@ayamenimthiriel

[xpao-bearx]

《This story series is also on my AO3 acc @ Paoloca》

SUMMARY: The bachelors of Selphia conjure up a plan to decide who truly deserves the beautiful princess' heart...if Frey can only choose one of them, that is.

PAIRINGS: Frey x Vishnal, Frey x Kiel, Frey x Doug, Frey x Arthur, Frey x Dylas, Frey x Leon (Polyamorous Ships)

RATING: Mature/18+/Romance & Smut. Please bear these in mind if you are uncomfortable and do NOT report!

NOTE: I have been an avid fan and lover of the Rune Factory series for a looong fooken time now and with RF 5 coming up (who else can't wait?!?!) along with my bursting inspiration, I decided to do something a lil special~ 💖

This story is actually one I wrote--or at least TRIED to write as I didn't finish it--many years ago on my old Wattpad acc (I have a new one now). As such, I'm taking the basic plotline from the original idea I had and simply making it a bit better especially now that I'm older + more mature (pfft yeah sure "mAtUrE" xD).

I sincerely and deeply love ALL of the amazing bachelors on RF 4 and as someone who absolutely ✨A D O R E S✨ reverse harems, I really *personally* don't think that Frey has to choose! And so, here's a naughty + sweet story that'll kinda just delve into my--and I'm sure others'--fantasy ;)

I hope ya lovelies will enjoy this story series and your wonderful support is always very much appreciated! 🥺💕💕 Also, feel free to fangirl/fanboy with me anytime~

P.S. Please forgive mah pathetic ass in advance if I ever portray any of the characters wrong, I promise to do my best!!

"The Princess' Harem"

Part 1: The Game

☆ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE TALENTED ARTIST☆

Summer 1, the dawn of a sweltering season. But most of all...

Beach Day!

Ah, yes, a most wonderful holiday to take a dip in the refreshing water and don the most attractive swimsuits that perfectly hugged one's form! And while it was understandable for the gentlemen to gawk and admire the lovely ladies, it seemed that all the bachelors of Selphia were completely ensnared by one warrior princess in particular...

Frey's tinkly laughter carried in the air as she happily swam around in the lake with the other girls. It was certainly a gorgeous day, yet none could quite rival the turquoise haired beauty's radiant smile.

"Haa... The princess is SO beautiful~" Vishnal sighed dreamily, his violet eyes turning into hearts.

"A goddess among mere mortals!" Kiel piped up cutely.

"You guys are so lame! But, uh... Y-Yeah, I agree, I guess." Doug conceded, face flushing as scarlet as his hair.

"I am a man, after all. Therefore, I must say I agree as well." Arthur cleared his throat, propping his glasses.

"You are all perverts..." Dylas grumbled, though he couldn't help but shyly sneak a peek at Frey.

"My, my~ You're such a bad liar, horsie. Calling us perverts when you, yourself, are one~" Leon chuckled, smirking.

"Who're ya calling horsie?!" Dylas snapped, but couldn't start an argument when all of them heard a splash and saw Frey emerge onto shore.

"Princess!" Vishnal beamed, not wasting a single second as he dashed towards her with a towel much like an excited puppy. "Are you done swimming?"

Frey gratefully took the towel, wiping her drenching body with it. "Yes, I am! And once I change into my clothes, I'm going to be checking the requests."

"You're ever so diligent, Frey. I truly admire that about you." Arthur smiled as he and the rest of the boys approached their beloved girlfriend. Arthur's glasses then flashed as the sun reflected on them, and he quickly grabbed that splendid opportunity for his gaze to drop and hyperfocus on Frey's nearly naked body. He barely managed to suppress it as he almost shamelessly licked his lips, fully taking in and very much appreciating her wet and fit physique.

"Oh, it's nothing! I'm only doing my duties." Frey giggled, embarrassed as her cheeks tinted pink. "But other than that, how come you guys aren't in your swimsuits? It's boiling!" She frowned worriedly.

"Why, is milady that eager to see me in all my glory?" Leon purred, standing in front of her in a flash. His teal eyes sparkled mischievously, as one of his hands reached forward to run his fingers through her long hair. "If you want to see me that badly, I'd rather 'perform' a private show for you tonight~"

Frey became as red as a ruby, opening and closing her mouth repeatedly like a fish out of water. She tried to speak, but no words came out as she could only stare up with eyes as wide as dinner plates at an amused Leon who was enjoying this situation far too much.

"Oi, knock it off!" Dylas growled, wrapping a protective arm around Frey as he glared sharply at Leon. "She's gonna go fishing with me after she's done, anyways!"

"WHAT?! No fair, you can't hog her all to yourself! If you guys are going fishing then I'm going, too!" Doug huffed, snatching Frey away from Dylas.

"No way, you dumbass dwarf! You're not invited!"

"Well, I am now, you fucking nag!"

As the two handsome idiots bickered like an old married couple and fought over Frey, she could only release an exasperated sigh. Honestly, she loved them both, but there was really no use trying to talk any sense into them. The best anyone could do was just wait it out until they inevitably get tired.

But as Doug and Dylas were yanking Frey from one side to another like a ragdoll, they suddenly stopped. It seems that everyone else halted, too, and the air blew bitter cold. Frey, oblivious, could only raise a brow before she finally realized--or more like felt--what all the boys were staring at.

She looked down, Doug and Dylas' hands accidentally cupping each one of Frey's breasts. All of the boys were a thousand shades of crimson, and Vishnal even started to have a nosebleed.

"ACK! S-Sorry..!" Doug and Dylas exclaimed in unison, abruptly pulling their hands away as if they were burned.

"O-Oh, uh, it's f-fine..!" Frey stuttered, not being able to meet anyone's gaze. "I-It was just an accident, after all!"

"Are you sure you're alright, Frey?" Kiel asked, holding her hands into his gently as he studied her face in concern. "These lowlifes didn't hurt you, did they?" It was rare for Kiel to be angry let alone badmouthing anyone, but it was clear from his tone how upset he was. Honestly, Doug and Dylas were a little scared...

"Y-Yes, I'm alright!" Frey nodded vigorously, smiling brightly. "Seriously, guys, don't worry about me! I'll see you all later, okay?" She hurriedly gave each one of them a chaste peck on the cheek before making her way back to the castle.

"So..." Leon began, a fake smile plastered on his lips as his eyes held no emotion. "I wonder who the true perverts are now?"

"H-Hey, it was an accident! Besides, it's all this moron's fault!" Dylas retorted, pointing an accusatory finger at Doug.

"MY fault?! If you just invited me in the first place, none of this would've happened!" Doug shouted furiously.

"You guys...touched...the princess' b-b-breasts..." Vishnal muttered, totally lost in his own world as he was slowly deteriorating from existence.

"Oh, my..." Arthur let out a heavy exhale. "I'm sure you two already know this, but as soon as Frey is done with her tasks then you both must apologize to her again. Accident or not, it is completely unacceptable for a man to touch a woman without her consent."

"Hey, y'know, I've been wondering..." Kiel cut in. "Do you guys ever think if Frey is just being strung along by us?"

"What do you mean?" Doug frowned.

"Like, didn't we confess to Frey at different times? And at every confession, she rejected all of us. And later on, it was only then we found out that we all shared the same feelings for her."

"So, what's your point?" Dylas pressed.

Kiel sighed, staring pointedly at the taller man. "Don't you find it a bit weird that now, we're all in a relationship with her? I know that being in a polyamorous relationship with Frey was something we all consented on from the very beginning, but why the sudden change of heart?"

"Isn't it obvious? Being in a polyamorous relationship means that Frey likes all of us at the same time, which is fine. Maybe she was just too shy at first to admit it." Leon shrugged.

"That may be true, or...what if she's only with us out of pity?" A wave of realization washed through everyone, and a certain pang of sadness settled in their hearts. "Frey is such a nice person, it's possible she only agreed to be with us since she felt bad for rejecting us. And now, she doesn't know how to break up with us for fear of hurting us even more."

"There's also one other possibility..." Arthur spoke up. "What if she actually likes one of us, but can't exclusively date that person?"

Dead silence. Only the faint sounds of the lake thrashing and birds chirping, before Vishnal was the one who first woke up back to reality.

"So... What are we supposed to do?" He questioned softly. "I feel so terrible... If what you're saying is true, then I don't want to continue on like this. I love Frey, but I can't ever bear the thought of hurting her!"

"How about a game?" Leon suggested.

"Now's really not the time, foxy." Doug rolled his eyes.

"No, no. You've misunderstood." Leon shook his head. "I'm talking about a game to see who Frey truly likes or doesn't like. And that way, we won't have to be hurting her and suffering like this anymore."

"Hmm... An interesting proposition." Arthur hummed thoughtfully. "I don't quite like referring to this as a 'game', but colour me intrigued. What's your idea, then?"

"Alright. So, we each get one whole day to spend with Frey. Completely alone, and no one is allowed to bother anyone else. As long as Frey is okay with it, then we can do whatever we want with her. Going on dates, exploring...you get the idea. Finally, by the end of the week, we'll all ask her how she feels and who she had the most fun with. Her answer will then determine what will happen afterwards."

"Hmph. Okay, that sounds good." Dylas nodded, agreeing for once. "How can we settle who goes first and last, though?"

"I think it would only be fair if we go in the order that Frey met us. So it's Vishnal, me, Doug, Arthur, Dylas, and then Leon." Kiel offered.

"All in favour?" Arthur asked, and everyone collectively voiced out their approval. "Good. It's settled, then. May the best man win!"

"Speaking of, I forgot that the castle is undergoing construction! So please excuse me, I'll have to get going now!" Vishnal grinned, disappearing in a blink of an eye.

"Wait... I just visited Ventuswill earlier with Granny Blossom." Doug furrowed his brows before gasping. "That bastard..! He went to go have a headstart with Frey!" He immediately chased after the conniving butler, but not before his shoulder got bumped hard by Dylas.

"If anyone's gonna get a headstart, it's me!"

"Oh, shut the hell up, HORSIE!"

Arthur sighed deeply, rubbing his temples stressfully as Kiel only chuckled sheepishly. Leon simply watched the scene, his fan hiding his smirk.

'There is a saying: Save the best for last~' Leon thought satisfyingly to himself.

[phoebe-lou]

A Forgotten Birthday

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy

Pairing: Number Five x reader

Summary: After saving the world from the apocalypse, Five struggles with living a simple life causing a strain on his relationship.

Word Count: 2009

__________________________________

5...4...3...2..1! Happy Birthday to me.

Sunlight shone throughout my room, and a gentle breeze drifted through the open windows. Looking over at the clock which now read 6.00am, I allowed a smile to grace over my lips. I had been restless all night and had been sat up worrying about Five like usual. I hoped today would be different, giving both of us one day to take a break from his obsessive apocalyptic nature.

Rolling over on my side, I was shocked to find the other side of the bed empty and Five's early morning 'signature' coffee missing. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I peeled back the duvet and groggily trudged over to the bathroom. After gently splashing some cold water over my face and brushing my teeth, I tossed my crazy-ass hair into a messy bun like a boss, and began the trek to the kitchen.

Expecting to be greeted with breakfast and a fresh cup of coffee, I found non other than a half-naked Klaus passed out on the table, and Five no where in sight. For fucks sake. I rolled my eyes and began making Klaus some breakfast as he'll need some hangover food to soak up all the alcohol. I decided to just throw in some toast and pour a glass of orange juice, as Klaus began waking up and mumbling something about his ass and chocolate pudding?

"Morning sunshine." I said with an amused smile on my face, whilst Klaus began to groan and pulled himself up into a sitting position.

"What rude bitch opened the blinds this morning?" He said after accepting a glass of orange juice I handed him.

"That would have been you, and your amazing Picasso skills last night I'm guessing."

Klaus looked up at the blinds to see that someone had cut them up to make some clothes, since there was underwear shaped holes missing.

"I was wondering what I was wearing, it's definitely not yours or Allison's."

"I think the yellow 'blind' underwear, really complements your eyes." I laughed winking at him, as I took the toast out and began buttering it.

"Danke."

"So what year is it again?" Klaus mumbled as he began munching on the toast I put in front of him.

"You mean the date Klaus?."

"Yeah that."

"It's __________ (insert birthday🥳)."

"Holy shit!" Klaus shot up, knocking his chair over and throwing the toast to the ground. Then sassily marched over to me, where he pulled me into a giant bone crushing hug. Jesus how does he wake up so fast?

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU SEXY MIDGET."

"I'M ONLY 4"10, FIGHT ME BITCH."

"ALSO BEN SAYS HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

"TELL HIM I LOVE HIM."

*Meanwhile Ben just rolls his eyes*

"There is way too much Klaus and Y/N in here, this early in the morning." Diego huffed as he began filling up the kettle, not even bothering to comment on Klaus's attire.

"Good morning to you too Antonio Banderas." Klaus laughed and high-fived me.

"Besides it's only 7.00am." I smiled.

"Whatever."

"Oooo whose got your panties in a twist?."

"Anyway, Happy Birthday Y/N." Diego huffed.

"Awww you remembered, I knew you loved me really." I said forcing Diego into a hug which he eventually gave into. Suddenly another pair of arms wrapped around us. Diego became alarmed and shouted "What is wrong with you?!"

Klaus innocently smiled "I just wanted to be part of the moment."

"What's wrong with who?" Trust monkey boy to enter at this moment.

"I'll take this as my leave." Diego shrugged Klaus's arms off him, then subtly tilted his head at me, towards a card he placed by the microwave. Before marching off, after I gave him a beaming smile and a wave.

"Happy Birthday kid."

"Thanks Luther but you know I'm 28 years older than you."

"And your even more immature than Klaus, and trust me that's saying something."

"Rude. Hey don't agree with him Ben, you're supposed to be on my side." Klaus began to have a one-sided argument with 'Ben.' While I took this as a chance to slip out the kitchen and get ready.

*2 hours later*

Yes I'm high maintenance, and looking this gorgeous takes a while.

I finally finished my outfit my adding my new moon necklace, which was a birthday present from Luther (that was probably picked by Allison).

I sprayed some perfume and let my h/c  hair fall down. Mission was ago. Find Five. Get drunk. Party. Have an awesome birthday. Go back a few steps and whoop Five's ass for no breakfast in bed. Perfect.

I looked through the entire house, where there was no trace of him so decided to head over to Griddy's Doughnuts. As I opened the front door, I walked into Allison and Vanya who immediately wished me a Happy Birthday and began planning a girls night out. Just what I need after putting up with all this shit, Five keeps throwing at me.

*Flashback* - Warning Mild Smut ⚠️

I was lounging across Five's bed pretending to read this boring romance novel, whilst Five was consistently writing long, complicated equations all over his wall. I wasn't expecting this is what he meant when he invited me over to spend sometime together. My patience was wearing thin, as I tried to tell myself that he was just not used to having a life outside of the apocalypse. But I went through it with him, so if I can learn to adapt, he should to.

Sneakily looking over at him, I came up with a plan to draw his attention away. Gently placing the book on the bed, I slowly walked towards him and placed my arms around his neck. It was no shocker that he immediately tensed up and his brows began to frown deeper.

"What do you want Y/N?"

"Not much." I whispered in his ear, as I ghosted my lips over his neck. "Just a little bit of attention."

Five sighed and tried to focus on the equation he was working on, which had now proven difficult as I began to pepper kisses along his jaw.

"Come on, enough."

I ignored him and began to drag my soft kisses down his neck, sucking a little harder until I found his sweet spot. Got you.

"Y/N...." He drifted off, as the pen dropped from his hands.

"Hmm?" I smirked and began grasping at his dark hair.

He finally turned around and smashed our lips together sloppily, as our tongues began fighting for dominance. He obviously won. His hands began to gently slide up the bottom of my top, just resting above my hips as he began to draw circles on my skin. Suddenly blue sparks surrounded us as I found ourselves teleported onto his desk.

He shoved all of his work out the way and began making out with me again. I gradually lifted my arms up, as he began to pull my top off...

"Y/N?"

"Y/N?"

"Y/N?!!"

My eyes fluttered dreamily as I looked over at Five who was frowning at me.

"For gods sake, did you fall asleep?! I wanted some help with these equations as you're the only non-idiotic person I know. Ugh forget it, of course it doesn't matter if there's another apocalypse." He whined sarcastically, and turned back around, continuing his work.

Five's writing came to a stop and as I launched my book at the walk near his head.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He shouted, finally exploding with frustration.

"You're an ass." I mumbled. He rolled his eyes and teleported away, probably before he did or said something he'd regret.

I preferred dream Five.

*Flashback over*

Arriving at Griddy's, I locked the car and walked over to the entrance and went inside. Surprise, surprise my 'affectionate' boyfriend was sat with a mug of coffee writing equations on napkins.

"Well, well, well good afternoon handsome." Five looked up irritated and forced a smile.

"What is it?" Was he joking?

"I thought we were going to spend the day together, you said you had something planned last week."

"We'll have to reschedule or something."

"Hahaha very funny grumpy-ass." He didn't look very amused, as he sighed and took a long sip of coffee.

"Can we talk later, I'm kind of in the middle of something?"

Alarms were going off. He had forgotten. Maybe he needed a little more convincing and a few hints.

"Well today is kind of a special day." He looked blankly at me before he gave me a genuine smile.

"Is it national coffee day? Thanks for reminding me gorgeous." He smirked and winked. Was he for fucking real?

"Maybe you should get some cake with that coffee."

"The sweetness ruins the bitter taste I like." You bitter old bugger.

"Isn't there something you're forgetting Five? Some sort of special day, for a special girl."

"Shit. You're right. Meet me at the house in 20 mins." With that he teleported away. Well my work here is done. I'm expecting a decent last minute party though.

After wasting 30 mins shopping, I decided to head back and see what Five had done. As I entered the house it was really quiet, until I reached the living room....

Where Five sat lounging on a sofa drinking margaritas with Dolores.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!"

"Well when you say about a special day for a special lady, I remembered-d that it's been some years years since we found the lovely-y Dolores." He smirked cheekily at me and offered me a glass.

"Are you drunk?"

"No...."

"......."

"Maybe..."

"......"

"Yes..."

Just at the wrong time everyone came rushing in with party poppers, and balloons shouting 'SURPRISE.' I looked down to the floor with angry tears burning down my cheeks, I couldn't believe him. Everyone could sense the tension in the room, except for Five who still looked completely clueless.

"What's goin-n on? He slurred.

"Check the calendar..." I whispered.

I couldn't stand everyone looking at me with such pity so I went straight to our room, crying myself to sleep early.

*A few hours later*

I woke up to knocking at the door.

"Go away."

Hearing the familiar sound of Five's special jump I buried my face into my pillow.

"Can we talk...?"

"...."

"Please... Y/N."

"...."

"Can we just..."

"WHAT?!" I hissed, ripping the duvet off me to glare at him.

He straight away noticed my red, blotchy face, and long tear lines causing my mascara to run down my face.

"I'm sorry..." With that Five burst into tears. I'd only ever seem him cry twice so I wasn't sure what to do.

"I'm sorry-y... I've j-just been trying-g to be ready f-for something bad to happen-n again, as I know the c-commission wants order-r. We've both been-n to hell and b-back, and I can't imagine-e loosing you. I j-just wanted to keep-p you safe, but I've b-been so wrapped up in d-doing all these possible equations-s, that I've p-pushed you away.... Then I've been-n so preoccupied that I forgot-t your b-birthday..."

"Oh Five." I wrapped my arms around him as he began to sob into my chest. I whispered soothing words as I gently rubbed his back.

"You'll never loose me, and I'm not upset about my birthday that much. I honestly just miss spending time with you, and can't believe you prioritised coffee and a manikin over me you ass!" At this Five chuckled and began to calm down.

"You know I don't say it enough... but I love you Y/N."

"I love you too Five."

"Did you want to have that amazing party you've been telling me about?"

"Actually can we just spend the rest of today cuddling and watch a move?"

"Anything you want love."

"You were totally jealous of Dolores."

"Shut up Five."

_________________________________________

Hope you enjoyed it, let me know what you think 💖☂️

[reallybadfeeling]

My Obikin Playlist Masterpost Part 2

Not that anybody was really waiting for this, but here is the second part of the playlist with an explanation for each song. If you are interested in reading my rant on the first 20 songs, you can check the post I made last week HERE.

Without further ado, I'll leave you to my rant for songs 21 to 40.

☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧ ☙ ✤ ❧

❧ One in a Million - Midnight to Monaco

Tears fall like acid rain and it burns me through the skin It's taken everything from me, I've lost my innocence The bats brings the night today, watch them turn the sky to black Like a gun that fires that sound again Frightens me until the bitter end I can't keep holding on And I hide away I need it to keep me from breaking down And I'm under Baby I can't carry on, dead and I've been buried on Baby, I was one in a million Even if our love was strong, take me down and let it fall Baby, I was one in a million And I was holding, burning, waking, turning Tasting blood and losing time I want to get a hold of myself Baby, I was one in a million [...] And I need it to keep me from thinking I won't find my wings no more

This entire song is about how someone's life gets absolutely destroyed by drug abuse. Or at least, that's how I always interpreted this. But drug abuse always makes me think about any kind of obsessions doing exactly the same thing. So I love this song for Anakin in particular. That "I was one in a million" giving me this "Chosen One" vibe. Like he got lost on the way to what he was supposed to be, and now that he's fallen he has no clue how to get back to what he was supposed to be, that one in a million.

❣🅞🅑🅘🅚🅘🅝❣

❧ Losing My Religion - R.E.M.

The lengths that I will go to The distance in your eyes Oh no, I've said too much I set it up That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight Losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no, I've said too much I haven't said enough [...] Every whisper, of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions Trying to keep an eye on you Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool [...] Consider this the hint of the century Consider this the slip That brought me to my knees, failed

Another classic song that is in basically any ships' playlist. And it fits so much with unrequited love (or pining in general). How can I not think of Obi-Wan trying desperately to be a good Jedi while he's well aware of his feelings for Anakin?

❣🅞🅑🅘🅚🅘🅝❣

❧ Hurt Me - Lapsley

Can't look at you the same way, anticipatin' heartbreak And I know, and I know, and I know I'm puttin' on a brave face to meet you in the same place And I know, and I know, and I know Gotta let my mind find another space 'Cause I heard these scars never go away And now I'm runnin' out of ways to numb the pain So if you're gonna hurt Why don't you hurt me a little bit more? Just dig a little deeper Push a little harder than before [...] Like breathing underwater, what's the law and order? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know You're sitting in a corner, hiding til it's over And it shows, and it shows, and it shows Buildin' up my walls just to tear them down Tell me that it's love, force me to drown Buildin' up my walls just to tear them down Tell me that it's love And I thought you said you still loved me [...] And I'm counting down the seconds that we have I can see the end in sight, at last So if you're gonna hurt me Why don't you hurt me a little bit more?

This entire song makes me think of one of those situations where both of them are pining and convinced that the other is about to tell them something that would end up breaking their heart. Basically first half is Obi-Wan knowing from the start that they won't work, maybe because he thinks Anakin is in love with Padmé and that's what Anakin wants to talk about; second half is Anakin, sure that Obi-Wan would deny having feelings for him because of how much he loves being a Jedi so he tries to be a better Jedi for the sake of Obi-Wan. Because I love the trope of both of them being too oblivious to realize they are in love.

❣🅞🅑🅘🅚🅘🅝❣

❧ The Shelter of My Love - Astropol

When you have nothing to lose No one dear and no one to care for Non one sees you but I do I'll take you in I won't let you go Oh the middle of the night Black as tar and eager to hold you Just as pretty as my love Just as hungry Just as eternal [...] When you have no bridge to burn No place to go, no place to return to No one loves you like I do I love you [...] When you have nothing to lose And nightfall comes, eager to hold you No one loves you like I do I love you I love you, I love you Oh shelter of my faith All the peril, all the weight Mighty glorious The shelter of my faith Oh shelter of my trust All the longing, all the lust God will help you if you lost the shelter of my trust

I'm perfectly aware that this is a song about faith. It's basically like a call to pray because even when you are lost the one person that will always be there for you is God. BUT, this actually works pretty well for the Jedi Order too. And if we think of how Anakin joined the Jedi, how he felt like the only thing he would lose is his mother, it kinda makes sense with these lyrics. And even Obi-Wan: he was given to the Jedi when he was so young that that's the only life he knows. At the same time, it can be about Anakin and Obi-Wan finding that solace in each other too, because sure, the entire Order is there to support them. But it's almost like it's their last option to them, because when in need the first person they go to is the other.

❣🅞🅑🅘🅚🅘🅝❣

❧ The Night We Met - Lord Huron

I am not the only traveler Who has not repaid his debt I've been searching for a trail to follow again Take me back to the night we met And then I can tell myself What the hell I'm supposed to do And then I can tell myself Not to ride along with you I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears When you had not touched me yet Oh, take me back to the night we met

You should know me by now. If a song that is basically perfect for Obi-Wan post RotS, I'm gonna find it. And this one is just PERFECT! Like, Obi-Wan absolutely feels like he owes something to the universe because he is the one who failed Anakin, who allowed him to fall. So I imagine him wanting a do-over, a chance to stay away from Anakin so that Anakin can be better and his own heart can't be broken in such a terrible way. Basically, this is also perfect for a time traveler Obi-Wan trying to fix things from day 1.

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❧ Danger - JKAY feat Shola Ama

I'm a million reasons in And I'm going out on a limb But I can't, no I can't deny Cause I, I fell in love with danger And I think I found a stranger in you The boy that I knew, left me torn into two And I don't know what to do

Nothing fancy about this one, just Obi-Wan realizing there is a wild side to the cute, totally unable to flirt young teenager he took care of for so long. Basically something to write smut on. You all know you need these kind of songs too. (And I picked the acoustic version because it gives me more soft love-making vibes, but the original one is perfect for a more passionate kind of mood).

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❧ Amandoti - Giovanni Lindo Ferretti

Loving you makes me weary, guts my insides (It’s) Something that feels like laughing in tears Loving you makes me weary, it makes me sorrowful What can you do (about it), that’s life That’s life, my (life) [...] Loving you comforts my sleepless nights It’s something that replaces old dead flames Loving you comforts me, it gives me joy What can you do (about it), that’s life But (that) life is my life Love me once more, do it softly One year, one month, one hour (Do it) Hopelessly Love me once more, do it softly Just for an hour But let it be forever

I was forced to put the live version from the original composer in the playlist, but a couple of weeks ago I posted a link to Maneskin's cover of this song (which, isn't on Spotify). You can check it out HERE, with a full translation of the lyrics (yes, Italian songs will always be a thing for this playlist, get over it). Like I said in the tags of that post, this is just another one of those songs that give me post RotS Obi-Wan feels. Just him all alone and heartbroken wishing he could feel Anakin's love just once more. Simply perfection.

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❧ Lemon Eyes - Meg Myers

Hush now baby, there's no need to cry Let me wipe away those lemon eyes All your worries, such a waste of time You can't even see how much you're mine You're so bitter, bitter, bitter, yellow Settle, settle, got to settle down, okay Listen, listen, you listen, yellow It's a killer, a killer, a killer jealousy Lemon eyes, you're mine Yellow eyes, all mine I bet you wanna walk away, run away, look away, turn away Honey you can't hide Lemon eyes, all mine

Do I even have to explain this? It's basically perfect for all of Anakin's issues with jealousy, but with what yellow eyes mean in this fandom it could absolutely be about Sith!Anakin. It's just such a fitting song for these two, with Obi-Wan trying to reason with a very unreasonable Anakin... (And I might have anonymously suggested to someone to listen to it as a good song for their fic. *coff coff* @tennessoui *coff coff*)

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❧ 10 Years - Daði Freyr

We've been together for a decade now Still everyday I'm lovin' you more If I could do it all again I'd probably do it all the same as before I don't wanna know what would've happened If I never had had your love I didn't became myself before I met you I don't wanna know what would've happened If I never had felt you love Everything about you, I like We started out so fast Now we can take it slower Love takes some time Takes a little time, so take a litte time As it ages like wine [...] And just when I thought that my heart was full I found place that I never explored You're so fascinating And I can't remember the last time I was bored [...] How does it keep getting better? Everyday our love finds a new way to grow The time we spend together Simply feels good We got a good thing going

How could I not put this song in this playlist? Like, it can literally be about how in the many years together, their love for each other grew and grew, and changed to get better with time. But it can also be just Anakin and Obi-Wan in an established relationship, since this is technically a song about a ten years anniversary. I just LOVE IT. It's super sweet and we all need fluff sometimes.

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❧ Different Kind Of Love - Kid Runner

It was always you there Dancing towards me Grabbing both my hands like Here we go, here we go again Maybe it was destiny We were so familiar But you caught me staring And I don't know, I don't know, I guess [...] And when you're near me I can't help but be under your spell Can I make you believe you're the only one I need? [...] It must've been something A switch in my brain It kept me in motion It drove me insane It must've been something Something you said You're pulling me under Holding me close Inside my head Oh, it's a different kind of love And when I see your face I know, I know You got me going Oh, and this could be enough I'm dreaming wide awake I know, I know

Classic friends to lovers AU song that works wonders with Anakin's kind of love, all obsessive and stuff. Definitely can picture teen Anakin pining over Obi-Wan to the tune of this, all awkward boners at absolutely inappropriate times and Obi-Wan never truly pointing it out, because he doesn't want to make Anakin even more uncomfortable.

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❧ Ruthless - GIRLI

Home? What's that? I got a doll's house with a few cracks Grew too tall, now I'm poking out the attic My feet are in the basement 'cause I never wanna hack it Life, what's that? Life, what's that? [...] Take my soul, Take me down Take me back to the beginning of this when I was still innocent Me, sorry who? I'm a kid in a grown-up suit Looking in the mirror tryna figure out who's Banging on the glass 'cause they're tryna break through Is it me? Is it you? Think it's me, wish I knew Take me, use me, screw me over Play me like I like losing Trip me, trick me, drug me Say you love me but you like cheating You're the only one to blame You made me this way Guess that's why I'm so damn Ruthless You made me, you made me You made me ruthless You made me, you made me You made me ruthless Only way to do it When you break me and I lose it Oh, you made me You made me so damn fucking ruthless [...] Yeah it's tragic All the bad bits Made me so damn ruthless No, it's not me I don't wanna be Ruthless

Being a woman, I know perfectly that this song is about how sometimes women have to grow up to be mean because of all of the abuse they go throw in their life. But I kind of see Anakin as this person that would absolutely blame everyone else for his fall to the Dark Side and this works so well! Like, the doll house is a metaphor for how the Jedi Order was supposed to be his home, but in the end he felt like he was used, like the Jedi told him they loved him just to trick him into doing whatever they wanted, basically cheating him of a simpler life with his mom. And even the looking in the mirror thing could be when he's already in the Vader suit and he doesn't know if Vader is what he was supposed to be all along or somewhere inside him there's this young innocent child trying to get out. What can I say, most of the times I have Obi-Wan feelings. But every once in a while I find something twisted enough to give me Anakin/Vader feelings too.

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❧ All or Nothing - Wild Youth

I remember when we were younger We used to stay up late We used to watch the sun go down, the sun go down Yeah at night I, I think about ya How I spent so long living without ya You're all I need, the air I breathe So hold tight, I'm coming 'Cause it's all or nothing I'm a million miles away and I feel so low I've been driving all night just to get back home to you To you See the sunrise, it's a classi break Driving down roads that I used to take with you With you Every streetlight, new horizon Start to wonder if you realise Oh, we were vain, was more than friends So hold tight, I'm coming 'Cause it's all or nothing

Okay, this is kind of perfect for a very specific kind of AU. Like, the "they used to be childhood friends, then got separated by life, but they were always meant for each other, so after meeting once by chance after years separated, they can't go back to their life, they have to stay with the other" kind of specific AU. The song might work with how the Clone Wars kept them separate too, but... yeah. It's kinda specific. Sorry not sorry.

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❧ Someone Like You - Noah Kahan feat. Joy Oladokun

Guess I'm a mess now Lost with my head down I haven't heard from you in weeks You must have left town I can't go back now And all that I have now Are those feelings I felt Knowing that no one else can bring them back out And I've been trying to find a silver lining But I can't But I can't Now that I can't hold you I wish that I had tried to Do more not to lose you Now that I can't find you Because the second you left, yeah the voice in my head screamed "What did I do?" Now you're gone and all I want is someone like you

Once again, ignoring that this is a song about a couple breaking up after one of the two cheated because this is also perfect for Anakin confessing his love for Obi-Wan as soon as he's a Knight. He was sure that would make Obi-Wan accept his love and try to get in a relationship, instead Obi-Wan panicked and asked to get sent as far away from Anakin as he could. So of course Anakin is filled with regret about his confession.

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❧ Big Boy - Charlotte Cardin

Maybe if I spell it out Big boy will take me on proper You nailed my heart to your wall You never dusted off after [...] Maybe if I'm a broken wing Big boy in my nest You nailed my heart to your wall And disposed of the rest of me With your push and shove Like what's love ain't love But it's love to me My boy is not a man yet My boy is not a man yet But boy do I love it when you kiss my neck Oh boy last night was perfect You're changing my mind Like what's mine ain't mine Be mine to be Maybe if we try again Big boy we could have it my way You nailed my heart to your wall But it was damaged anyways

Another song to write smut to, but smut with feels. Mainly Obi-Wan's, that maybe feels like Anakin played with him just so that they could sleep together, but never actually tried to put a pin on what their relationship is supposed to be after. And Obi-Wan realizes that part of the reason is that Anakin is still so young and maybe he's the one that made a mistake. Like, he's not even sure that what he feels is real, but he still keeps following what Anakin wants because what is the alternative after all?

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❧ Home with You - Marie Dahlstrom

Happy to be home with you Happy to wake up with you Even after all that you've benne through Happy that you feel the same Hope that I can ease the pain Happy to come by 'Cause you just give me life And I love spending time with you It's easy when I want you like that I don't regret it even if you might think That I've got Plenty other reasons in my head Plenty other questions still unsaid Nobody knows where you'll go but I'm here [...] I don't understand it all Still I will accept your flaws Just the way that you're accepting mine No, I'm not really one to judge We can laugh it off because It's just one life for you and I and I know [...] Feels so good when it's You by my side I could just stay all night I could just stay all night I love the things you do Nobody knows where we'll go but I'm here Baby, whenever you need me Baby come over, baby come over Whenever you need I will always be by your side

This song can honestly fit multiple things. It can absolutely be Obi-Wan accepting that Anakin reaches out for him only in certain situations and him always being open to it, no matter how their relationship isn't really the traditional kind of relationship (like, a friends with benefits kind of deal). But it can also be Obi-Wan and Anakin getting together when Anakin is already Vader, so Obi-Wan is slowly falling to the Dark Side too. You can also just use this as another song to write soft love making too since it's so slow and soft. Or just do whatever you want with it.

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❧ Hands Tied - Beatrich

You got me home sick for your arms The arms that keep me close But you just slip though my fingers Like I'm tryna catch a ghost I'd travel to the moon and back For you and all that you could say is That you didn't ask for that You'd never ask I'd travel to the moon and back For you and all that you could say is That you didn't ask for that You'd never And you stand there Looking at me with my hands tied And how foolish Foolish of me to let this one slide I'm terrified The roots are way too deep And there is no way out You just stand there Looking at me with my hands tied

Huge vibes of Anakin being mad in love with Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan pushing him away because he sees Anakin as a brother, not as a lover. And there's all kind of pining from Anakin because of the unrequited love and he tries to do crazy stuff for Obi-Wan hoping he will fall in love with him but it fails... Yeah, that's the angst that hurts in the best way! (But, you know, can totally be reversed to Obi-Wan in love with Anakin in a canon scenario with Anakin married to Padmé.)

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❧ Same Bed - Lola Young

I'm too quick to judge, too fast to fuck If we're lonely and I'm No good in love, 'cause the last time I ended up a little dead inside Sorry I lied, I do not want you, no Sorry my pride's a little too high To let you know I cried when you said you had to go, baby [...] (whispered) Fuck then, don't do this to me now Don't say my name when you're talking to me Don't say we're on the same page Don't look away when you walk into me I like the pain, I like the pain I'm making it hard for you to move on And be lonely 'cause I'm So good with words that the last time I broke his heart [...] I got a bit drunk yesterday evening and I Told you some things I didn't mean, oh did I? Hate it, I hate it when I get complacent I love it when you pull that face and we make mistakes Utterly wasted And wake up in the same bed In the same t-shirt I told you I loved you in The same regrets Like wearing the t-shirt I told you I love you in [...] I only like you when you're naked At least, that's what I proved to myself Can't make a fool of myself, baby God, it's so frustrating, making such a fool of myself Gotta make do with myself, baby I only like you when you're naked At least, that's what I proved to myself You make a fool of myself, baby Let's overcomplicate it, maybe just lose ourselves

Back with the complicated relationship and the angst. Can see this in a canon compliant AU with both Anakin and Obi-Wan not really wanting to admit they are in love with each other, but somehow they always end up sleeping together, and telling the other how much they love them just to regret all of it the day after. Basically making things complicated for no reason other than Obi-Wan not wanting to break the rules/his belief that he's meant for infinite sadness, but also because Anakin can't give up on this twisted love despite how much it hurts him and being petty in trying to make Obi-Wan suffer just as much.

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❧ Ghost - Harper

Not putting lyrics here because this entire song gives me Obi-Wan on Tatooine post-RotS vibes. Like, he's literally on the planet Anakin came from, there to protect Anakin's kids. OF COURSE he sees Anakin's "ghost". Like, he sees so much of Anakin in Luke when he grows up. And it feels kind of fitting as a punishment for Obi-Wan to be slowly going crazy because he keeps being haunted by this image of Anakin around him. Literally this line: "why you gotta make me weak to make me stronger". That's Obi-Wan trying to get over this love for Anakin and realizing that he has to mourn and suffer before he becomes stronger and able to get free from this ghost's hold. (But, you know, Anakin's ghost might even be actually Anakin, in a scenario where Anakin is actually trapped inside of Vader and trying to get free by reaching out to Obi-Wan for help.)

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❧ Qualcosa di Grande - Cesare Cremonini

What happened, you changed You are not the same Or are you still the one That grew up with me What happened, you ran away And with you so did my life I searched for it, I searched for it But I found it only in you There's something important between us That you can never change Not even if you want to But there's something important between us That you can never forget Not even if you want to What happened, you fell You fell too low and now you try to climb back up But it's a struggle you don't want [...] What happened, your light Your light is obscured By someone that I know And that took you away from me What happened, your star Your star eclipsed And now (I dare you to) shine from the darkness without me

Yet another song that gives me RotS feels. It's obviously a break up song, a song about regrets and struggling to move on. So of course in it I see Anakin falling to the Dark Side and Obi-Wan trying to remind him of what is between the two of them so that Anakin comes back to him. (If you want to read the complete translation, you can check it out here.)

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❧ Dark Side - Phoebe Ryan

At your worst, you're the best Baby I don't want another version, no Hard to love, hard to trust But don't change Don't be a better person for me 'Cuz I'm in love with your dark side I'm in love with your dark side So don't turn on the light [...] Even if it hurts, I want you heart Even at your worst, I love you hard If you wanna keep me, go too far

Another song that is more of a both!Sith AU but also something Vaderwan would work honestly. I like the twisted nature of this kind of love so much in fics. Can absolutely works with any version of Anakin or/and Obi-Wan being the bad guy in the story.

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All done! All 20 new songs I added to the original playlist explained away. Like last time, I hope you find any of this entertaining or useful. If any of this inspires your creativity, don't be shy and tag me on your stuff. I'll gladly read it/watch it/enjoy it.

[kittenshift-17]

I'm a fic writer and I'm currently starting to get writing burn out. do you have any tips for getting through this? (I'm even burnt out from reading fanfic, so I don't even know what I'm doing with my life at this point)

Oh my gosh, I have an answer for this!!! Mostly because I have been living that feeling for about 8 months now and I know it's killer.

So first thing I recommend is set aside a day for yourself where you have nowhere to be. You got plans, rearrange them. You're gonna take a nap. A long one.

Tell yourself the following about writing: "It will be there when I'm ready. No one is depending on my writing solely for their survival. My mental health matters too."

And then have a glass of warm milk or a chamomile tea if you're lactose intolerant. Go to the bedroom. Jig the temperature to whatever provides you optimal comfort - for me, it's fan on high, air con set to as cold as it goes, and (I shit you not) 9 blankets. It's a weight thing, but I'm too cheap to buy a weighted therapy blanket.

Anyway. Do these things. Tuck yourself in. If you have a lover, ask them to tuck you in and request a lingering forehead kiss if they don't offer one of their own volition. If you don't have a lover, grab a pillow, you're gonna wanna spoon that bad boy (I do this every night, much to Boyfee's amused irritation 🤣). Turn off your phone, or set it to silent with no alarms, no notifications, and no means for interrupting your nap before you're good and ready.

Now, if you're anything like me, 3 things are gonna try and happen. Either you're brain is gonna start pointing out that you're not tired and could be better using this time. Or it's gonna start the guilt-cycle about needing to write, to read, to be in any way productive. Or, the worst one, "all that bullshit" is gonna start with the gag-reel of guilt and regret and embarrassing memories from your past.

And no one wants that shit, so we're turning that part of the brain off. Here's my method:

1. Think about your story. No, not about how you said you'd have a chapter ready this week. Think about the story. The actual plot. The characters. The hook. Doesn't have to be your main WIP. It can be anything. Any story. Old. New. Freshly invented. Doesn't matter. The idea is to actively think about a story and engage your imagination. Think about the characters. Call their image forth in your mind. Do they have dark hair or light? Are they short or tall? What are they wearing? Why are they wearing goth-metal get-up? Are they undercover? Is it a phase? Have they finally hit on their signature look? It's kinda hot, right?

2. Think about their motives. What's the plot? Are they going somewhere? Why are they plotting world domination? Did they have too much Red Bull this morning? Is a sugar crash imminent? Are they diabetic? This could take a turn. Oh, hey look, hypoglycaemia has resulted in a hot doctor appearing on the scene! No one should look this good in scrubs, right? It's literally not fair. Wait... hot doctor is saying something. They have a nice voice.

3. Let your imagination run wild. You don't need to remember the details. Pretend it's a dream until it becomes one. If you wake up with the burning urge to write, all the better, but that's not the point of this exercise, so don't be afraid to think up crazy shit you would never dream of writing. The goal is to trick the brain into pleasant distraction and to lull yourself to sleep.

4. When you wake up, take it slow. You've got nowhere to be. You took the day for you. It's a weekend. Chill. You don't have to get out of bed for another 4 hours if you don't want to.

5. When you do get up, find your favourite movie from the last decade. Grab yourself a cup of tea or a juice, something to snack on (sandwich is my go-to), throw on the movie, and watch it. Sit down, snack, and enjoy something you've loved for a long time. If you're not a TV person, seek out songs more than 5 years old on your play list. I recently tried this and happened upon all the songs I was listening to when I started a bunch of my oldest WIPs and shook a bunch of new ideas loose.

6. Go for a walk. If you're unable to walk, find a way to get out of the house, be it walk, roll or hobble. Go to a park and cruise around for half an hour. Take it slow. Remember, you have nowhere to be today. This is your you-day. You're here for nature and fresh air, not exercise. This is purely a Zen moment. Find a park bench and cop a sit for a while. Look at the other people in the park. What are they up to? Is that a Mum's group jogging by with strollers? A little old couple sharing an ice-cream? Are those ducks in the pond? They're cute, right? They like sweetcorn and lettuce. You should come to the park more often and bring them some lettuce to munch on.

7. Think about your writing some more. This time, the process of it, and what drew you to the hobby, rather than stories and plots. Why are you working on your WIP? Do you enjoy it, or has it become a chore? This is supposed to be a hobby, right? You're giving your hard-written words away for free if you're writing fanfic, so why are you busting yourself to meet self-imposed deadlines? Do you even still like your characters? The plot? Do you want to invest the effort of continuing the tale?

8. Say these words to yourself: "It's okay if I've had enough."

9. Say them again. "It's okay if I've had enough."

10. When you go home, don't do any writing today. Indulge another hobby. Draw a picture, even if you're not very good at it. Knit something. Glue tubes of spaghetti to paper if you want. Play the sims, or valheim, or candy crush. Literally anything that isn't writing. Find something else to do. Engage a different part of your brain. You're tired of the same old fandom, same old characters, same old tropes and same tired stories. That's okay. That's human nature.

The important thing to remember is that you're in control. You have the power. If you never want to write another word, that's okay, you know? If you want to write something else, something different, something fresh, do it! I do it all the time. I cycle through WIPs for 18 different fandoms just to keep things fresh and avoid burn out on any one story, trope, or fandom. Switching to a new fandom is like flipping over a rock and finding a live snake underneath - terrifying, but damn it gets your heart racing!

And this can be applied for non-writers too. Your life is up to you to navigate. You're the captain of your own ship and you owe no one anything beyond basic respect, kindness and decency. Speaking as someone who's job has been ruining her life for 8 months and burning me out so much that between September and December, I didn't write a damn word because I was all outta spoons making it through each work day, I get it more than I ever hoped I would.

The best way to stave off burn out is to force a hard reset of yourself. If you're worried about backlash from your readers if you take a break, post to notify them that you're taking a small hiatus for your mental health. Anyone who minds terribly much and is rude about it needs to remember that life is already hard, and they need not add to it.

Trust me, love, no one will mind overly much if you need a rest. Take a nap. Take a walk. Feed the ducks. And dive into something else you enjoy for a few days. I've found some of my best writing falls out of a factory-reset inside my own head. Maybe you will too.

Xx-Kitten