#i'm the biggest critic of my own work but i do like some of it i guess

[gallapiech]

Give it up for art post number 3 for Highway of Hedoism!

[READ IT HERE]

+ some bts stuff because i enjoyyyyy doing that :)

Not much to comment on this one lol, it's a little rough I suppose. I think I prioritized quantity over quality here and that's definitely something I would've done differently if I could go back in time.

I'm still not sure it gets the image across? I hope it does. Sorry if it doesn't ehe...

I don't actually have a sketch for the outside one! I made it pretty fast and in one sitting lol.

a mimir. I loooove parallels! When we were discussing moments to be drawn I thought it would be really nice to have a little nod to their first time sharing a bed and seeing how much their relationship has changed over their journey!!

One of the issues I ran into while working on these is my struggle to keep the style consistent enough lol. ofc artists are their own biggest critics so maybe it bothers me more than it bothers everyone else ehe. In the end I do really like this one! Maybe a bit too cartoony? I hope it's not too distracting LOL!

I remember when we just started working on this I had asked Rory if they could get matching tattoos because I looooove that. But she was one step ahead of me and had already planned it hehehe ♥ We discussed some possibilities of their spelling qualities before settling on the current ones. I hope you enjoy the shoddy linework LOL I made sure to write them both with my non dominant hand. I also thought it would be funny if Ian wrote his name and then thought "fuck wait, i gotta add C for Clayton." And then quickly tried to squeeze it in. 🤣 (Also, once again me forgetting about clothing. Thank you Rory for reminding me about the bathrobe 🙏

Yeah. uh. I think mickey looks nice in this one :)

I think there will be one more art post after this one! The last one,,, aaahh! The end is nearing. I hope you're all enjoying the fic! I've been immensely enjoying reading everyone's reactions to it! Thank you so much for all your kind words ♥

[meirathinks]

⊹ ♡₊˚๑ 𝙀𝘼𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙊𝙐𝙏 ! ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

chef!Sukuna headcannons

okay. I know I haven't posted anything in like a year. and I know I'm a little rusty so bare with me ok😭 I'm sorry for the wait! Reader was intended to be black but I don't describe any features. lmk if I should turn this into a fic!!

Warnings: none!!

Chef!Sukuna is one of the world's biggest assholes. SURE he graduated top of his class AND SURE! The waitlist for his restaurant is so, ridiculously long. But his personality? Awful. 

He’s known for his near godly knife skills. He can chop an onion in ten seconds. He’s pretty sure it’s a world record.

His own staff is so, so terrified of him. The new kid, who’s bright-eyed and fresh out of culinary school, who was beyond excited to work at a Michelin-star restaurant quits on his first day.

(he cried on his walk home)

Sukuna leans into the back of his chair, while Uruame lets out an uncharacteristically loud sigh from their spot at the door. 

They step closer into the room while speaking, “You can’t keep a Junior chef for more than six hours—”

Sukuna groans, “Calm down— your job is to be my sous. Act like it.”

He puts his feet up on the peeling wood desk in front of him, deftly ignoring several receipts that were strewn on it.

Uruame nods, before leaving.

Sukuna wasn’t in the wrong you know, the junior chef should’ve known the difference between sauté and panfrying. 

He groans while moving to leave his office— he had prep to do. 

He’s worked hard to get where he is— to make his restaurant as good as it is. He designed the kitchen himself. He chose each appliance meticulously and placed them in the space deliberately

The delivery and food-prep and pastry sections are in specific parts of the kitchen, they cater to the menu.

Speaking of the menu. You cannot tell me that he didn’t lock himself in his apartment with pots and pans strewn everywhere. 

He’d have a thin layer of sweat on his forehead, and his hair would be a little dishevelled

But, he finally figured out that what his main dish needed was an acid. 

He’d have a rare, genuine smile on his face while he runs his hand through his hair. He’ll take another bite and excitedly drum his fingers on his kitchen countertop. He’s good. He knows he’s good. 

Sukuna’s leaning on the host station with a pencil in hand reviewing the guest list for that night’s dinner. His eyebrows raise at your name— which is circled in red marker angrily. He shouts to Uraume, who’s at the back prepping.

“What’s the red marker for.”

“We have a food critic coming in tonight.”

Sukuna scoffs, “We always have food critics coming in.”

“This one’s different.”

Yeah right.

For the head chef, and owner of a michelin star restaurant— Sukuna is relaxed. 

He’ll wear a white button up and some black slacks and the days he’s expected to work front of house. But his sleeves will be rolled high on his forearms and there’s always this dismissive look in his eyes

He doesn’t have to be some kiss ass— his food speaks for itself. 

People waited months to get into his restaurant for his food, not to have a conversation with him. 

The first thing Sukuna realizes is that you take a laughably short time looking at the menu. From what he can see from the host station, you’re looking at it out of graciousness than necessity. 

He walks over, ready to take your order. He nearly laughs when he notices that your notepad already has writing on it. 

You’re looking up at him through the low light of the restaurant. It’s tinged red. Like a night club you think. Tacky. 

“Hi,” You smile, “I’m surprised I’m being served by the Sukuna.”

“Yeah— it’s a slow day.”

You hum, “And here I was, thinking that you were out here just for me.”

He laughs. It’s this loud, low and smoothe. “I can hear your heart breaking from here.”

“Let’s start with the focaccia.” Your voice is a little shaky. He likes the sound of it.

He walks to the kitchen with a familiar grin on his face. 

Food critic his ass— you’re in love with him. He can tell. 

Chef!Sukuna who’s never had a negative review. Ever.

GQ. The New York Times. The Washington Post. Critics become regulars— they want an excuse to chat Sukuna (even if he doesn’t entertain it)

He’s earned a name for himself in the food scene, you know. People love him whether they like it or not. 

This was just the start too— he’ll open more restaurants, maybe something more formal. He thinks of himself as an immovable object or an unstoppable force or whatever is in those management books Uraume reads

So, imagine his surprise when Uruame forwards an article to him at 11:54 pm on a thursday.

Especially when he sees that you wrote the article. 

And that you gave the restaurant a 3 out of 5

A three out of fucking five.

Sukuna was going to kill someone. You, preferably. 

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I understand the criticisms people have about season 2, I really do. I have my own genuine complaints. But, frankly? I feel like we can pick this show apart too much. I don't expect any piece of media I consume to be perfect so I sure as hell think I should be able to extend my favorite show a little grace.

Literally every problem I have with s2 is almost certainly down to the fact that they had to work with a 40% budget cut and had to keep every episode strictly under 30 minutes (whereas in s1 longer episodes had some breathing room). It's very obvious to me that the writers of this show did their absolute level best to do their story justice with what they had. And at the end of the day, my biggest complaint is always that I wish they had more - more time, more episodes. That's a pretty nice thing, really, that the worst I can say about something is that I wish I had more of it.

Like I said, I get the criticism, I really do! I'm not saying any show is above critique. But I'm also not exaggerating when I say that this show as a whole is the best thing I've seen on TV in a long, long time. I can't make myself care much that s2 was a bit messier than I'd have liked when I think it still runs circles around everything else. And, as if the fact we got s2 at all wasn't enough, they made sure Ed and Stede's story never really suffered for the budget cuts, and they made sure that we ended the season with Ed and Stede in a good, satisfying place. If you haven't watched it since it was airing I couldn't recommend enough watching it again without the week-long breaks and all the fandom speculation and craziness in between; the pacing feels soooo much better that way. I love it even more with every rewatch. We complain a lot in fandom spaces but almost everyone I know irl who watch it casually think s2 was better than s1.

I love this show so much. I'm so glad we've got it and for every bit of hate I see about s2 I'm just gonna love it even harder, because even when it's messy it's the most earnest, heartfelt thing out there and I appreciate the fuck out of it for that.

[utilitycaster]

Do you think part of the D20 journalistic bias comes from D20 being edited? It gives the appearance of much more effortless play and lets them control the pacing in a way unedited play like CR simply can't do. They get to (potentially) hide a lot of stuff people would jump on as flaws while CR has no choice but to let it all play out. I greatly prefer CR's approach, despite it biting them in the ass a bit through no fault of their own.

Answering these both together to group cause and my opinions, and I do want to note this is specifically about journalism/press coverage, not their respective fandoms even though there's obviously some overlap.

I think there's a couple things, but I do want to note this was actually prompted by Daggerheart, not Critical Role. The response from several prominent voices in the Actual Play journalism community, whom I will not name here but whom I do not respect intellectually, really was, within hours of the open beta (which as far as I know they didn't have early access to - more on that later) "um it could be better, I don't like xyz and also it's sooooooo important to have criticism" and again, it is important to have criticism, but also you act like D20 has never had a mediocre moment and that Kollok is brilliant, so.

This...got away from me a bit. I'd say I'm sorry but actually I adore writing thousands of words about actual play and it will happen again but I'm putting the detailed answer below a cut. The short answer is I think a lot of Actual Play journalists actually sort of fell into their jobs through being vaguely involved in nerd spaces and aren't actually equipped to talk intelligently about TTRPGs and actual play as a medium that should, at its best, be a perfect fusion of narrative and mechanics. So instead they're distracted by flashy edits and bright lights and cool noises and some abstract concept of "novelty" and write only about that. Also Critical Role is the 700 lb gorilla in the AP space (though not, actually, the TTRPG space) and doesn't give them early access and that's meaaaaaan. Indeed, for all I think a lot of their coverage of D20 and Worlds Beyond Number is obsessively fawning, I also think it's extremely surface level, frequently factually wrong, and fails to get at what's truly excellent about those shows either.

I think, honestly, the biggest one is that I don't actually think a lot of Actual Play journalists watch series in full. I was looking for Polygon coverage of Fantasy High Junior Year and they have one glowing article but it's more about Fantasy High as setting and institution and D20 "changing the game" (also more on this later) to the point of outright contradicting the pull quotes they used from interviewing Brennan Lee Mulligan (also more on this later). So I started looking through their coverage and actually, quite a number of their write-ups are based on only one episode, or half a season. Clearly, they haven't read the full open beta (nor have I, but I think their complaints about the character build process belie a profound misunderstanding of what TTRPGs are, also more on this later). So editing is certainly part of it because it's really easy to see cool special effects and sound design within one episode and shit out a hacky article about it, whereas actually getting to the substance - character relationships, cohesive narrative, storytelling - requires work that I do not think they're doing. And on the one hand I do kind of get it, because yeah, if journalism is your livelihood then you perhaps do not have the time to watch 4 hours of D&D a week for 2-3 years if you're only going to get one article every six months out of it. But I don't think the answer is "focus intently on Microsoft Powerpoint-esque scene transition tricks while ignoring that nothing occurring at the table is actually fun to watch." For more on this, see this post.

The second, which is very relevant to Daggerheart but also is actually a big gap in D20 and WBN coverage in my opinion, and which I put in the tags, is that I actually don't think a lot of journalists have a solid understanding of TTRPGs nor of most genres. And I think Critical Role has a particularly good understanding of both these things, actually, if one skewed towards collaborative storytelling that is not rules-light. I think one really big example is that one person within the space is mad at the Daggerheart questions for the character archetypes because what if your character doesn't fit these. I think this is dumb as shit. I actually think that a common criticism of D&D - that you can't play ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING - is not valid, or rather, it's a valid opinion to hold but if you want to play a character who doesn't fit into the available archetypes perhaps you need to find another game. We all inherently understand that Blades in the Dark characters will be members of a criminal organization in a relatively low-magic setting, correct? That you can't show up to BitD and play a lawful good wizard prince because that's not the story being told? Or like, how in Honey Heist, you are a bear and you are trying to get honey, and you cannot play a human child investigating the old abandoned house at the edge of town, but there's a cool game called Kids on Bikes that will let you do that? Great! Why is this suddenly so hard to understand in the realm of heroic fantasy, that you will fit into specific archetypes? Why do people's brains, if they have them to begin with, vanish suddenly? I know I just did a big old rant that included this within it but genuinely I think a lot of people are deeply ignorant of heroic fantasy, or don't like it, and either is fine, but then they get mad at the heroic fantasy game for having heroic fantasy archetypes when the answer is "maybe this will never make you happy because it's not for you." (Frankly, I think this is also why they love D20, because it doesn't really do straight-up heroic fantasy, and that's fine, but they do keep acting like doing a Game of Thrones pastiche is equivalent to the invention of the wheel.) Like...I remember in the Midst Q&A that Xen said they tend to not like playing typical D&D classes, but their solution was to, you know, create Midst instead of sitting around going "actually, because D&D doesn't support cyberpunk narrative and the character archetypes within very well it is an utter failure." (I could go on forever about how actually TTRPGs are not a showcase for your already extant OCs to prance around but that's a totally separate post).

Mechanics and story are inherently intertwined, is what I'm trying to get at (sorry I'm really tired and have a lot to do but I'm passionate about this answer, it will be rambly, she says like 3 pages in) and I really don't think most actual play journalists get this. At all. And I do think that CR, and Daggerheart, and the people working for it, and especially Spenser Starke, Rowan Hall, Matt Mercer, and Travis Willingham, get this more than almost anyone else in the field. I also think Brennan Lee Mulligan and Aabria Iyengar get this, and the thing is, for all the praise showered upon them, much of which I think is deserved and most of what I think is undeserved is not because they are lacking but because the person writing about them is an idiot crediting them for things they (Brennan and Aabria) would never claim to have invented, their mechanical prowess is rarely if ever written about well. Fantasy High Junior Year's downtime mechanics actually fill in a famous gap in D&D, namely, downtime, and provide an excellent marriage of story and mechanics in my opinion, and I haven't really seen any discussion, because that would require watching the part of the TTRPG show where they play the TTRPG, and knowing the vague word on the street about D&D criticism that isn't just "*nods sagely* capitalism is the BBEG."

And finally: related a bit to the edit but Critical Role used to not be able to provide any early access to press, because it was literally a live show, and I suspect they never broke the habit, and I think that is for the best. As discussed a lot of D20 coverage actually feels like they watched the press screener and then never returned to the show. And I do not know the politics about them, but given that several of these publications (notably Polygon, but some others) have been shitting on Critical Role for several years, and just generally given the way CR's leadership vs. how D20's leadership respond to fandom pressure, I suspect Critical Role does not give these journalists a ton of early or increased, if any. Honestly, why should you, if you're getting interviewed in Variety? And I think the journalists are mad, because they think they're special and should get treated as such.

I do want to wrap something up, and I want to thank @captainofthetidesbreath for talking a little about this in game design/ttrpgs and giving me the idea, but in story, you should be challenging your audience, expanding their horizons, and being new and interesting. In the actual playing of TTRPGs, especially a new one, it is vital to be inclusive and easy to understand and patient and provide points of reference. I really feel like many Actual Play journalists and some TTRPG ones as well have this equation flipped and are looking for challenging concepts that most people will never be able to get a group to be willing to play, and bells and whistles in production, but leave story as an afterthought. Critical Role designs games to actually be played and to be used specifically to tell good stories, and puts story before production, and I think that undercuts those journalists' whole deal.

[jals-stuff]

Hihi! First of all I LOVE your writing and thank you for feeding us hungry Orter fans with your work (I have been STRAVING for his fic) so if you don't mind, I have a little request! So I imagine in a what if Orter has a crush on someone (aka us and ofc we gotta like the sandman back) who's always on a dangerous mission due to how strong they are who is ALSO his partner time to time and one day, they just went into a coma from overusing their magic. MAYBE when they woke up, the two will confess to each other or?? Idk I will let you cook 🧑‍🍳

(Sorry if my wording is a little confusing!)

good day/evening anon! your wording is just fine no worries

first of all, thank you SO much, this brightened my day by a lot, you have absolutely no clue what kind of serotonin torrent you have unleashed. I am glad at least some people like my writings, that's why I'm doing it.

I don't think this is 100% close to what you described, but I hope you'll like it regardless-

Should be gn!reader if I didn't mess it up...

warnings: SLIGHT SPOILIES, bit dark, mentions of death, bit of despair... not proofread I am so sorry.

word count: 2.8k

note: I apologise for any dumb mistakes because I physically cannot proofread myself at 6am but if I don't post it now I won't do it ever. please don't hate me anon

What if...

As much as he hates to admit it (to himself, of course), Orter had grown a little bit too fond of you. The way you greet him whenever you come back from a mission, or the way you always make sure to respect the rules and act logically while also protecting everyone around you when the two of you would go on missions together. 

The way you whine when your legs are tired after walking long distances, the way you always bring him a little something to eat when you know it’s going to be a long trip. You’ve always been good to everyone, much opposed to the cold man; but it wasn’t the only difference between the two of you.

Everyone has their own logic and, as much as you respected your own, his was quite different. While you wanted to take every single possibility into consideration, he preferred not to overload his mind with useless statistics and just think of a solution when the time comes.

However, a lot of things aren’t affected by logic, such as feelings, and how could the dense sandman guess that you were absolutely enamoured with him? These were variables he would’ve never imagined, even though he was painfully into you as well. 

Of course, he was your top priority, and protecting him from harm even though he was a rather powerful mage was of the utmost importance. He should’ve known that when the two of you recklessly charged into enemy territory in an attempt to weaken the devil’s quintuplets before they would be on the move.

Orter was a man of many things, but “what if''s were not part of his usual reasoning, and that was the biggest mistake of his life. However he only realised it too late when you had to break your own limits to make sure he’d go back safely. It was time to retreat, but the two of you had been completely cornered. 

Having a dormant god inside of your wand had many benefits, but Psyche was not an entity to be trifled with. The Soul Goddess would, each time you requested even a fraction of her power, take a huge toll on your stamina and sanity, and this time it was more than critical.

You were already exhausted from using so much of your mana, and now you were completely surrounded by Innocent Zero's sons. Unleashing your Psyche Inclination and ordering all of the quintuplets to sleep immediately surpassed your own boundaries.

You knew what would happen if you pushed beyond your limits with your personal magic, but it was completely worth it. After all, what was the point of living anymore if the only person you loved was dead? 

All of them were immensely powerful, and neutralising such strong enemies was not a meagre task. As soon as the last one fell to the ground in blissful slumber, you felt something rupture inside of you; like a used rope that suddenly lets go, your breath hitched and you collapsed to the floor. 

It was all pitch black, and your consciousness kept you company just long enough to let you hear Orter’s panicked voice calling out for you. Yet somehow, despite the fact that you were falling into the pitch-black abyss, you felt relieved that he, above everything and everyone, was safe.

But anything beyond the confines of your darkened mind was unknown to you and despite your multiple attempts to open your eyes and wake up, everything went silent.

“No, no no…”

Had you been awake, you would’ve been astonished at how Orter had never been that distressed before, at least not in front of you. The loss of his dear friend Alex Elliot had taught him a painful lesson not to get attached to anyone and to simply stick to the rules, but he had let himself fall for you, and now he was experiencing the trauma once more.

“Please, no… not them…” 

Not only were you unconscious, you had done this to yourself for his sake. He was aware of that fact; had you not decided to literally put yourself through such an ordeal, the two of you would be dead already.

But unlike his deceased junior, your heart was still beating and there was still time to save you. He had never run so fast in his entire life, carrying you carefully in his arms to bring you back to the Bureau’s infirmary, laying you down as gently as he could as the nurses rushed to assess your state.

You weren’t hurt, so to say, but the abusive usage of your personal magic had plunged you into a coma, and it was unsure if you would ever wake up from it. 

It looked like you were peacefully asleep, maybe dreaming of a better place you would possibly join soon; unmoving and slowly breathing, as if nothing had happened. Orter knew you could possibly open your eyes anytime, and it kept him distracted every time he would fill his paperwork or go on a mission.

Whenever he had free time, he would rush to the infirmary to check on you, make sure you’re still breathing, or even talk to you. It could help you come back to your senses, or so the nurses said, and as ridiculous as he felt when he talked to your inert body, he would’ve done anything in his power to bring you back, as slim as the chances were.

But then it suddenly hit him. What could he possibly tell you if you ever woke up? He would for sure apologise, but other than that? How could he face you after you had quite literally sacrificed yourself for him? He wasn’t even sure he could look into your eyes again.

Did you resent him for this?

Would you forgive his recklessness?

Would you give him this warm smile he had gotten so used to?

And would it be time for him to finally admit his feelings? You were right here, in front of him, yet you weren’t there. He missed you so dearly, the sound of your voice, the shit eating grin you’d give him whenever he was wrong and you were right, the way you’d laugh at his disgruntled expression afterwards…

All of these interactions he thought annoyed him were now severely missed and he would’ve given anything to even just see the colour of your eyes one more time. 

And see he didn’t, for what seemed to be an eternity. Everyday, when he’d come to visit you, a small part of him hoped your eyes would be open and you’d greet him the way you always did, but every time, he was met with your inanimate form, comfortably laid in the infirmary bed. 

His hope of hearing your voice ever again gradually vanished with every one-sided conversation he had with your unconscious figure, swallowing down his emotions with every word he said. He was slowly accepting the fact that you might just never open your eyes again.

The more this thought settled into his mind, the more desperate he grew, and suddenly, his usual mindset faded away and his brain filled with “what if”s. 

What if he had taken some time to listen to your suggestions, what if he had thought of a plan B like you always had? What if he had ever told you about his feelings, what if you loved him back? What if you didn't? What if you never woke up?

Dread took over on his other emotions and suddenly, it wasn’t hope that drove him to visit you everyday; it was despair. What if you never opened your eyes again? How could he ever live with your presence replaced by this horrifying feeling of guilt for letting you die in his place? 

You were surely powerful enough that you could’ve ran away on your own, and left him behind if needed; it would’ve been the logical, reasonable thing to do. But the heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. Of course, he should’ve known that you would never leave him behind, but precisely because it was completely illogical, it never occurred to him that you would willingly let yourself be hurt if he had a chance to make it out alive.

Now he was sitting at your bedside and kept hoping you’d wake up, just open your eyes and talk to him, greet him and say everything was going to be fine, just the way it was before… it seemed like he hadn’t heard your voice in an eternity, and it was weighing on him the whole time. Like a burden he would have to carry forever if you didn’t wake up from this coma you had put yourself into for his own sake.

His eyes never left your figure as he spoke to you kindly, as if you were still awake. Of course, occasional visitors would look at him like he was a lunatic, talking to someone who was obviously not here to answer, but it didn’t matter to him anymore.

Orter was ready to abandon his image for your sake, sometimes even skipping work and breaking his own principles so he could hold your hand for another minute before going on yet another perilous mission. 

The thought of you dying peacefully in your sleep haunted his mind every single day, and his sorrow was great enough that, more than once, he did consider exhausting himself enough so he would be defenceless enough for an enemy to just take him out of his misery.

For weeks, months, his mind was plagued with the thought of you leaving him forever, of not being able to tell you about these feelings he thought were completely unnecessary. Shame and rejection didn’t even matter to him anymore and he just longed for the day you’d wake up and even just look at him. 

He was on a mission, the day he heard that one of your fingers had merely twitched. Breaking protocol was far from his usual behaviour, but he needed to see you. That is how he accidentally drowned an entire area in sand, catching both enemies and harmless monsters in his Antlion’s Nest. 

The rules didn’t matter to him anymore, it was a physical need to see if you were okay and to maybe, just maybe hear your voice. 

However, he walked in on something completely different. Many of the other Divine Visionaries were gathered around you in religious silence, observing you. He had to push through the crowd and his heart stopped for a second when he saw you. 

You were sitting up in your bed, slightly confused as to why everyone was staring like this. For you, mere seconds had passed but in reality it had been literal months. As your eyes travelled amongst the crowd, you saw Orter, who was also staring at you in utter disbelief. 

The infirmary was completely silent, and no one was moving, as if time had suddenly stopped. Ryoh threw a glance at the others and they just silently left. Now it was just you and Orter, looking at each other in both confusion and shock. He stumbled towards the chair that was resting near your bed and he slowly took a seat.

“Well… you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Upon hearing your voice, he let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. It was like all of his burdens were suddenly lifted off his shoulders and his head and arms simply collapsed against the mattress, much to your confusion. You raised your hand to reach for his hair and upon seeing how your nails had grown so much, you realised something probably happened.

“It’s been months! I thought you’d never wake up! I thought I wouldn’t hear your voice ever again. Why on Earth would you do such a thing? No, no... it was all my fault. I'm sorry, (Y/N), I'm so, so sorry.” 

He sounded angry, but he really wasn’t. You started connecting the dots and it took you a bit of time to understand that you had been unconscious for the past few months, worrying the poor sandman to death, though right now it didn’t matter at all. 

“I’m glad you’re alive, Orter.”

Although you had been unconscious for literal months, seeing the Desert Cane unharmed was such a huge relief for you. However, not everything was swell inside his mind. He still felt extremely guilty that you nearly died for him, and nothing could possibly pay back this humongous debt he thought he owed you. 

But seeing his relieved expression when he looked at you was enough of a payback. He had watched you wither away for months and now you were finally back to the world of the living, eyes focused on him and him only. 

You tried to stand up but as soon as your arms attempted to lift your form, they gave out and you started losing balance. Orter immediately stood up from his chair to catch you, wrapping his arms around your now weak body to support you, but even after you were back to your spot, he wouldn’t let go. He simply sat on your bed next to you, not letting go. 

Almost out of instinct, you rested your head on his shoulder and let out a long sigh, your arms raising up slightly.

“Please, just rest, you must be really exhausted.”

But his words just didn’t reach you, you needed this. After a while and a lot of effort, you managed to rest these weak arms of yours against his shoulders, on the sides of his neck, and he fell silent. You had no strength at all but he could feel you use all of your willpower to embrace him, and you also seemed like you wouldn’t let go.

He seemed fine with it as he slightly nuzzled your neck and closed his eyes, finally relaxing a little after this emotional rollercoaster. It felt so comfortable to finally be in his arms after such a long time spent longing for him, as if you were finally where you belonged. 

“I missed you.” Orter said quietly, close to your ear. His arms tightened around and you would've probably cried hadn't you been so exhausted. Your words were stuck in your throat and you could only nod and hum softly, your voice cutting inside your throat. 

His arms tightened around you further, holding you into a comforting hug, one of his hands gently going through your hair and keeping your head close to him. You exhaled again, wanting nothing more than to keep holding him. 

“Just don't let go. Please.”

Your voice was muffled by his embrace but you were close enough to his ear for him to understand your words, and you could've sworn you heard his breath hitch for a second as his arms tightened even harder around you.

“I won't.” He sighs into your neck, comfortably seated on the side of your bed, and you wanted nothing more than to lay back down and have him hold you, but you were still in the infirmary and it would've been very problematic to be seen like this.

“I won't, ever. I can't.” He held you even closer now, like he was trying to merge with you, your chest and his pressed against each other as if to share your heartbeats.

Although you had never seen Orter being this close with anyone before, it all felt very natural. Just like the way his hand slid from your hair to your cheek, like the way he moved away from you slowly, his usually cold gaze now soft and filled with something you weren't quite used to.

Just like the way he couldn't take it any longer and gave in to the physical urge to softly press his lips to yours. You didn't pull away, of course; the moment too precious to let surprise ruin it. 

You returned the kiss, your eyes now closed to take in the pleasant, wholesome warmth his embrace brought to you, after you'd been so cold for literal months. 

As nothing lasts forever, your lips and his slowly separated, but his eyes were now on yours again. 

“I won't let you fall again, (Y/N), I promise.”

You couldn't help but give a soft chuckle and his expression turned slightly puzzled. Of course, you two didn't share the same braincells.

“I've already fallen too hard.” You breathed out.

His eyes widened for a second before he regained his composure and brushed a few hairs away from your face to place them behind your ear.

“Then I guess we’re both down now.” he finally admitted, his expression just a little softer and his lips almost curved into a smile. 

You were suddenly thankful for Orter holding you so close, lest your heart would've jumped out of your chest. 

“I love you, just… in case it wasn't clear enough.” He awkwardly added, and you thought it was just adorable. Another chuckle escaped you with a nod.

“I know. I love you too.”

He hummed softly and sighed deeply in relief. 

That was one “what if” finally satisfied, and probably the first of a long list.

[writingquestionsanswered]

hey, i love your blog, you’re so kind for doing all of this. kudos.

i was wondering if you have advice on how to not be terrified of sharing your work with the world? i write a lot of fanfiction (and someday hopefully some original stories) but i get so so anxious about ANYONE reading them so they usually end up rotting in my google docs, and eventually i stop writing them because i don’t get the motivation that comes from reader responses

but the issue is i’m not sure how to tackle this anxiety. as someone who has published works, do you have advice for this?

Tackling the Anxiety of Sharing Your Work

For my answer, I'm going to cobble together some bits from previous posts and add some new stuff. ♥

Sharing our fiction with others is one of the biggest steps we take as writers, and it can be scary no matter what you write. But, if you want to be published, it’s a necessary step. As with so many things in life, doing something that requires courage is often just a matter of taking a deep breath and doing it. "Ripping off the band-aid," as they say.

However, there are some things that might help ease the associated anxiety a bit:

1 - Try to Pin Down Your Specific Fears - One of the first things you may want to do is try to figure out what you're specifically afraid of or what's making you the most anxious about the prospect of sharing your work. If you can find the root cause, it might be easier to tackle the associated anxiety. Are you worried people:

will think your writing is bad?

won’t like your writing style?

won’t get your story/characters?

will judge you for what you write about?

will think less of you for writing at all or what you write about?

will blab about your writing to others?

will steal your ideas?

will see similarities between your story and others?

will make you feel tied to a project you might not complete?

I tackle some of these in the writing-related-fears portion of my Motivation master list.

2 - Don't Rush It - If you take the time to properly revise and edit your story, you can be confident in knowing you've put in the time and effort to make your story the best it possibly can be.

3 - Start Small - If you can, try sharing your story first with an "alpha reader," or in other words a trusted friend, family member, or community member who can appreciate your story. In this case, you might say you're not looking for specific feedback but just a general impression of what they liked about the story. This way, it's not about getting constructive criticism so much as getting over the hump of sharing it and getting the little boost of what they like about the story.

4 - Gradually Go Bigger - From there, you might try sending to a couple of beta readers and opening up to a bit more feedback. The great thing about this is not only are you conditioning yourself to sharing and getting the opinions of others, you can potentially use the feedback to iron out kinks in the story if there are any.

5 - Use a Pen Name - You might want to consider using a pen name for anonymity. Pen names have many different purposes, but much like wearing a mask at a party, they can decrease your inhibition a bit because it creates a bit of a buffer between the real you and your writing.

6 - Post and Let It Go - Many writers get around the issue by simply not engaging with reader feedback, and if you're someone who cares what other people think or are likely to be daunted by the prospect of criticism, this may be the best route for you to go. Now, I know that with fan-fiction in particular, reader feedback is often used for improvement. But the truth of the matter is, you shouldn't rely on reader feedback for improvement anyway. Alpha readers, beta readers, critique partners, and editors are a much better metric for where to improve. When you get your feedback elsewhere, you can post your story and let it fly on its own without worrying about what others are saying.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[hwnglx]

Can i request a reading of enhypen’s ni-ki off cam personality? And his views when it comes to relationships (platonic and romantic)?

i will be doing the second question in another post, maybe even in a collective one for the full group 🤭 enjoy the read

niki's real personality behind the scenes

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

3ow&su, 9osw&5op, 10op, pagosw, 7op&to bod: 4osw + off cam, niki is someone pretty open-minded. i'm getting this huge desire to expand his views and beliefs, big interest in experiencing things that are very foreign and new to him. he definitely loves a challenge and feels his best when he can just go somewhere else, whether that's physically or mentally. does he enjoy travelling in his free time? if he doesn't do it, he definitely wants to. he likes getting his mind off life sometimes, and just exploring different cultures, or even hearing stories about people's lives completely different to him. he finds it very interesting and intriguing.

one thing that's a constant for niki, is this boy lives to work. it's interesting, because despite this being a reading on him off cam, even behind the scenes i can see work occupying most of his mind. he's been exposed to the industry since he was so young, it's pretty much all he's known till now, so it's almost like the easiest thing in the world for him to remain career-focused. it's when he feels he's at his best, and most comfortable. in contrast, when not working is when he can quickly get into a more tense headspace and start overthinking. he's the type who needs to stay busy, in order to distract himself from his own thoughts, since he can be a huge overthinker, especially in regards to himself. i can just see him obsessing over doing everything perfectly, and himself being his own biggest critic. (is this boy an earth rising? he kinda looks like one too) but he has extremely professional and surprisingly mature energy in regards to his career. honestly blew my mind to remember he just turned 18 and could teach some older idols a few things concerning their attitude at work.

niki is also a person who is much more observant than we realize. he's someone with a quick wit and clever mind, a person who basically lives in his head. very very smart boy, much more intelligent and insightful than some people think. there is this self-aware and self-reflective quality to him, where he can quickly pick up on his mistakes, and is always open to changing. literally, he doesn't mind completely tearing down some habits, if that means he'll improve. he's always looking to reach his best potential, and is firm in his mentality.

to give you an example, he definitely had and sometimes still has the habit of being very sharp-tongued. sometimes he just says things that can easily hurt people, and this is something he's very aware of. he doesn't just brush it off like "whatever, guess that's what i'm like" no, he will definitely reflect on his behavior once he gets some time to think and put in effort to improve. especially because he himself is much more easily hurt than others think, even he himself doesn't always seem to acknowledge his more sensitive side. so there is this subconscious thought of "i can't be like this."

in general though, niki is just very chill and laidback. he truly doesn't like drama, doesn't enjoy conflicts, just wants to stay low-key and do what he has to do. i can see his hyungs fighting like cats and dogs while he's sitting there on his phone completely unfazed by what's going on. he doesn't enjoy being consumed by negative energy, since this can get his emotions to bubble up and truly mess him up sometimes, so he keeps himself out of situations as much as he can. could definitely seem kinda self-absorbed to some people, but he's just very protective of his own energy.

whe&3oc, sta, pagow, 7oc, pagoc, 4osw&acop, bod: 9op

- he just lives in his own little world and bubble, to an excessive extent. pretty selective about who he calls his friends, and truly doesn't seem to be very invested or even interested in putting effort into maintaining friendships. is he the member who just never answers on katalk and doesn't really react in the enha groupchat lol, like a ghost? that's the vibe he's giving. unbothered about others, puts more thought into matters about himself and his own life. if it doesn't concern him, he doesn't truly care. i see this pattern a lot for people who are incredibly absorbent to others' feelings and energy, often for significant pisces placements (esp ☾) they're so easily consumed by that, it's a self-protective mechanism in order to shield themselves from any sort of hurt.

niki still struggles to truly acknowledge and appreciate his more softer and emotional side. that's when he feels more awkward and insecure, it's a part of himself he's not comfortable with. he doesn't enjoy getting emotional, since he fears the loss of control over himself, he gets worried about just saying or doing things out of pure emotion and messing things up not only for himself, but others too. i keep getting this feeling of him really hating to hurt people, he feels guilt pretty quickly. and in his eyes it often happens whenever his emotions take over him, like he just isn't himself. so, he prefers to not even put himself into situations where this is a possibility, and just runs away from his feelings, as well as people who can bring that emotional side out in him. i can see he can probably get more emotionally attached than he'd want to, and that can scare him off. he doesn't like people thinking he's dependant on them.

there definitely is an arrogant quality to the way he carries himself off cam. he gives off this vibe of knowing how good he is, and people can quickly perceive that as being conceited and full of himself, especially if they feel threatened by that confidence. however, much of that is just fierce self awareness. he holds himself up to insanely high standards, and can feel overwhelmingly insecure if he doesn't meet them.

if you aren't of any use to him, it's unlikely niki will entertain your attendance for very long. as previously said, he carefully selects who he gives his time and energy to, and much of this is based on what that certain connection can do for him. he's just very self-centered, which can easily make people feel like he doesn't give a damn about anyone, and sometimes even hurt or disappointment them. he seems to have this mentality of "we all live and die alone anyway" so he'd prefer to nurture and take care of his own self rather than putting much effort into others. he goes through life thinking we all have to be more selfish in order to succeed. "no one is going to live life for me, so i might as well do it for myself." is what i hear.

[youcouldmakealife]

Could you explain the concept of masking, especially in the context of the last SAIT? I'm not really familiar with this concept - as far as I understood it, it means that neurodivergent people "pretend" (for lack of better word) to behave more in a way that they would consider neurotypical? What did Robbie mean when he compared Georgie and Finn - that they are both hiding something? Georgie isn't neurodivergent - or is he?

Happy to!

I'm just going to preface that while I've read up a lot on this in the past few years, I'm obviously not an expert, and this is my own personal take on the information I've gathered rather than any 'official' definition of the term.

I'm going to talk about how masking applies to a few of my characters in a post I'll link here, because it's already long enough.

Masking is most often used to describe a particular set of behaviours by some neurodivergent people; it can also be described as 'camouflaging', which I think is a useful way to highlight that the biggest part of this behaviour is to get through social interactions safely.

Safety can be literal physical safety, but it can also be without someone getting upset at you, or being mocked or criticised. This is especially difficult if you're not sure what exactly leads to criticism, or mockery, or offence, or why -- a lot of ND masks involve being very, very quiet, because in the past, honest behaviour and speech has lead to Repercussions.

Speech and social behaviour aren't the only things involved in masking: most high masking autistic people don't stim in public, for example, or will replace big, noticeable stims (rocking, flapping the arms or hands, auditory stimming like repeating words or sounds) with more 'socially acceptable' stims, like hair twirling, repeated throat clearing, and non-disruptive fidgeting, often because they punished for the original behaviours.

This can also apply to other ND 'coded' behaviours, like interest in things that are deemed weird or inappropriate or not for their age group, a flat affect (a monotone voice, expressionless face, or little body language), 'blunt' speech, interrupting others or monologuing, and other 'inappropriate' behaviours.

In the case of masking with neurodivergent individuals, it's a behaviour that sort of...imperfectly replaces the 'sense' that neurotypical individuals get from conversations. The mostly unconscious things that neurotypical people can pick up from non-verbal indicators like body language and tone do not come innately to neurodivergent people.

I should note here how important the word 'innately' is. A ton of neurodivergent people are capable of picking up those things, and some are even more sensitive than the average neurotypical person to them -- some are even hypervigilant, particularly if they needed to be for their personal safety -- but this is a learned set of skills that require energy and active effort to implement, even if the ND person is not consciously aware of that.

Basically, it's a program running constantly in social situations, and, like any constantly running program, it drains the hell out of the battery. An ND person will be drained by masked social interaction no matter how enjoyable the people or extroverted the person, because it involves constant monitoring and adjustment if the monitoring notes that something's off.

But I think it's really important to note that everybody masks to some extent. Two people are having a lovely chat in front of you and then one of them privately says 'I hate that bitch' right after the other person leaves? They were masking. Smiling at your boss even though he just piled a month's worth of work on your desk? Masking. Being very polite to the man aggressively hitting on you because he's setting off alarm bells? Masking. Saying 'I'm good thanks' when someone asks how you are, even though your day sucked? Masking.

Masking is fundamentally behaviour that does not match the authentic reactions and feelings of a person.

And it's not inherently a bad thing! At least in small doses. It's actually hard to say sometimes where the line between 'being polite and behaving in a socially acceptable' becomes masking. I think the biggest difference is that for neurotypical people, it's a conscious behaviour used in specific scenarios. For neurodivergent people, it's that program running constantly in the background. And it's not just used in specific situations -- it's almost all the time.

Many ND people are only unmasked when alone, or with individuals they trust not to use their unmasked identity against them. This can include family, friends, partners, or fellow neurodivergent people they're not necessarily close to, or even friends with, but also don't feel they have to monitor themselves in the same way with. Many people have at least one person they're comfortable being around unmasked. They may not use that term, but they may speak of someone 'not draining their battery' or 'people are hard to talk to, but you're different', etc. It's because they're not socially performing with that individual.

It's also important to note that this isn't ND people 'tricking' others in social situations like a socially manipulative person might. It's a survival mechanism that develops as a result of the 'real' (unmasked) behaviours leading to consequences in their past. It's a response to being criticised, yelled at, mocked, etc, by parents, teachers, peers, etc for authentic behaviour. For that reason, you can also see masking in neurotypical people with CPTSD. Again, it's not to trick anyone. It's to remain safe -- physically and emotionally.

I should also note that masking isn't universal among ND individuals -- it's more common among those with low support needs, and those AFAB, who were expected to comply more closely to social norms than those AMAB. You'll also find it a lot in those, like me, who weren't diagnosed until adulthood, because, well -- masking, by its very definition, makes it harder to notice someone's neurodivergence.

I've been making efforts to unmask since my diagnosis, and have since realised I did not understand the extent I was masking, nor the extent it was draining me, until I stopped masking most of the time. This is common for a lot of ND individuals.

That's important because it's hard to stop doing a behaviour that isn't wholly intentional, and it's even harder to realise how much it's hurting you. The strongest correlation they found between autistic individuals and autistic burnout is masking. It's also the biggest correlation between autistic individuals and suicide. It, like many coping mechanisms common to ND individuals (addiction is much more common in ND individuals than the general population, especially for those with ADHD) can possibly be helpful in the short term, but it's extremely harmful to the individual in the long term.

So just. For my ND readers. Please be aware of that. It can be genuinely helpful, and protective. I personally still use it in certain situations, and when I do not, I am more likely to make a social 'blunder'. But the difference in my mental health pre-and-post unmasking is immense. The more you wear the mask, the more you think that mask is you, but it isn't. And you cannot properly care for yourself if you don't actually know who you are.

[qqueenofhades]

Do you think part of what makes people feel like voting isn’t worth it because things don’t get better under democrats is because we can’t see what would have happened? Like I see a lot of people saying “well biden hasn’t made america much better so there’s no point” but it’s like they don’t understand that under a republican they would actively do everything they could to cause more harm. It’s like they don’t understand that 1. The president can’t do much, and 2. IT WOULD BE WORSE. like they don’t understand the possibilities. Idk people just frustrate me

I'm sorry, as I know you're just relaying what these people think and not claiming so yourself, but the whole "things don't get better under Biden/Democrats" line to which we are subjected so very, miserably often is a lie!!! It is demonstrably a lie! It is peddled by people who deliberately live in their echo-chamber leftist misinformation bubbles and either don't read the news, don't accept anything less than the Magical Socialist Revolution Now, and don't think partial or incremental progress (aka the only kind of progress that exists) is valid. "Biden hasn't single-handedly fixed everything wrong with America and the world after the most damaging presidency ever to exist and 250+ years of flaws, while other countries actually are their own actors with agency making complex choices, so we shouldn't vote for him" is a bullshit lie and I'm tired of it!!!

(Again. Sorry. This is not directed at you. This is just my frustration with this entire ridiculous situation speaking.)

We have had multiple elections now where people voted for Democrats, which resulted in abortion protections, protections for LGBTQ people, the biggest climate legislation ever to pass Congress/be signed into law (the Inflation Reduction Act), vast improvements in the job market, executive actions both large and small, improvements in labor and the economy, a general democratic system, a defense of the rule of law, a warning against fascism, and everything else that Trump trampled on in 4 years and will finish the job of doing if this godforsaken country is either right-wing-zealot or left-wing-zealot enough to put him back into office. (Like, people. Google is free. You're welcome to look up the improvements Biden has actually made, but that would harm your Narrative.) So much of this misinformation is also peddled by people who are proud that they don't have a clue how the American government works and/or deliberately lie about it: see all the claims that it was Biden's fault for not magically stopping a Trump-stacked SCOTUS, selected for the express purpose of overturning Roe, from overturning Roe. Because the president could just unilaterally overturn the Supreme Court with no problems at all if He Really Wanted To, I guess. Even if that is literally not the way it has ever functioned in history.

All the noxious Republicans in state legislatures passing anti-trans/anti-abortion/anti-voting laws ARE NOT SOMETHING BIDEN CAN STOP. If you're going to criticize him for not doing something, for God's sake at least make it for something he can do (like not calling for a ceasefire in Gaza, though I would argue he's already taking a more nuanced approach than the entirety of the American establishment during the War on Terror). And then vote for him when/if he follows it up, not just throw your hands in the air and scream about how you Can't Possibly Sully Yourself (especially when there is some very selective support going on here and a deliberate white-washing of how many orders of magnitude worse absolutely everything else in America and the world would be under Trump. So.)

I'm tired of it. I'm really, really tired of it. I've been trying to cut back on my politics posting because my mental health is bad right now and I often feel like a broken record screaming into the void. But. Yeah. Anyway. Whoof.

[skyfallscotland]

@heartfeltletters-written asked me 💥 How do you feel about criticism? and it felt like something that needed its own post, so here goes: the hypocrisy of critics in modern fandoms, an essay.

Criticism. I don't like getting it or giving it when it comes to writing. I struggle to even gently give it to friends, even when they ask me what I think of their work. Writing is such a personal thing that we pour our heart and soul into and like you say, many criticisms aren't necessarily valid. By that I mean, there's a difference between "Amy you use em dashes a lot babe" (I do) and "This story would have been so much better if Remi were a virgin" (actual criticism I have received, lmao). 

Unlike traditional authors, we will never make money from this, we do it for the love of it and it's time we will never get back. For some of us, it's time we could be working on our own original manuscripts too. I don't think people who give the second type of criticism are writers, generally. They don't understand the craft and what goes into it. Whenever I post and someone says a chapter was short or they immediately ask when the next one is, and that's all they say, I die inside a little. I try not to take it personally, but it's hard.

Personally, I think fandom behaviour is getting worse and that flows over into our comment sections and tumblr asks. I have a whole other dissertation on this that we’ll call ‘the slow death of fandom as we know it: an essay’, but that’s perhaps for another post. I don’t know how welcomed that commentary would be. 

You said the word ‘entitled’ in your original ask and I think that’s spot on. People have become more entitled in general and downright rude (which is not restricted to online spaces, by the way). I write for ACOTAR, but you’ve never seen me discuss it here because no matter what you say in that regard, you can’t win. Someone will always attack you and I do mean attack. Even in regards to Fourth Wing, I don't talk about my opinions a lot outside of my own little bubble of friends and readers.

And that's the kicker to this whole conversation, really. If I were to criticise Iron Flame/RY everyone would jump down my throat (as has happened on other platforms), even though I'd never say it to her face. Do I stand by my opinions? Absolutely. But it would be rude to tell her them, unless asked. I’m not allowed to (validly) criticise certain elements of her story, a published novel, without being attacked for it, but those same people are fine criticising my work directly to me. Hypocrisy at its finest.

There’s a new influx of people to fandom spaces who are completely unwilling to integrate and completely unwilling to be kind. You mentioned those who criticised your work could have saved themselves the trouble and read the tags, but the thing is: they don’t want to. They can’t be bothered to take five seconds and figure out how they work, to curate their own experience, because that’s what half these people are like. They want an algorithm to do it for them, gods help us.

For me, personally, I'm my biggest critic. I also have raging generalised anxiety, so just posting on the internet is enough to send me spiralling (seriously, I feel sick just typing this out). It's very, very out of my comfort zone and I've been very, very lucky so far to have cultivated the readership I have, full of very like-minded people. Perhaps due to some of the darker content matter. But the second I get harshly worded comments, I get upset.

I don't say that to elicit sympathy, it's just a fact. I get upset about it the same way I would if you were standing in front of me saying it to my face, and for someone with depression and anxiety, that lingers. I'm getting better at laughing at them, but it's like when someone tells you they don't like you and your mum says "just ignore them"—not that easy, right? 

So yeah, I don't mind if you want to tell me I use a lot of em dashes, or that I've used a word incorrectly in context, but I don't need to hear how much you hate original character fic when you could just use your last remaining braincell the back button and continue on with your day. Just be kind, is all I'm saying.

[highlordofkrypton]

Bad writing?

I don't usually participate in ACOTAR critical discussions, but I do wanna jump in on the discussion of bad writing. This was inspired by another post about Nesta & bad writing, but I didn't feel like my response was on topic enough to reply -- but here it is.

Authors have every right to go in a different direction with their character development, but the difference between good and bad writing is how do the characters change.

In my experience, and my personal enjoyment of reading:

A bad writer will simply start writing the character differently with no rhyme or reason.

A good writer will set the character up to experience situations, interactions or anything else that will set the character on a path of growth (whether that is good or bad). Usually, a large characterization shift will contribute to the plot/narrative.

A bad writer will contradict their own established canon. Mind you, they created their canon, these are their own rules. They're allowed to break them, but there should be some kind of reasoning for it.

A good writer will establish why their previous statements are no longer valid so that the reader can actively choose to move with or against the development they're proposing for the character.

A bad writer will tell you that you're wrong in your beliefs of this character.

A good writer will lead you towards different paths of thinking about the character, but ultimately, the reader should feel comfortable in making their own decisions about the character based on what was shown to them.

I'm all for the belief that there are no right or wrongs in writing, especially in fan fiction, but if you're writing for a wide audience (or for an audience that is paying for your work), there should be some kind of consideration for your readers.

Many readers want to know what's going on; they want to join your characters on their journey.

Many readers prefer not to be treated like all their beliefs were wrong without a foundation for changes. I hate using this word, but it makes people feel gaslighted and not in a cool, narrative, plot-twisty way.

Additionally, my biggest personal 'bar' for debating whether a writing is good or bad is if the writing shatters my immersion in the book. If I spend more time thinking to myself how this is wrong for the character without thinking that something is happening for the plot, then yeah, for me it's bad writing.

I do wonder, though, if the entire ACOTAR series is just because Feyre is an unreliable narrator. Since it's written in the first person, and we all know how our hearts and minds can play tricks on us, maybe it's just that.

I haven't read past ACOWAR, nor have I read any of SJM's other series.

Those who have read CC and TOG, thoughts?

[moons-of-dewclan]

I was curious how to get your clan really set off? I recently (LIKE EARLIER TODAY JFJSJFJ) started my own clangen blog but idk if it's worthy of Tumblr😭

How can I improve my art and improve my process? You're one of my BIGGEST inspirations ngl you're literally him (or her or they I'm so sorry I never caught your pronouns) but I was just curious on how to be better? If you wanna look, don't. It's like, rlly bad so.... save your eyes. Have a lovely nighttt <33

HELLOOOOO I'M NOT 100% SURE WHAT YOU MEAN BY SET OFF I'M SORRY :{ if you mean to get people reading it, i think it's vastly just luck also appealing to an audience by accident i posted my art online for 10 years (i started posting in 2010 as a wee ka- told you i'm an adult haahahueu) before anyone showed consistent interest and i valued those two or so commenters who occasionally had something to say about my stuff, so much LAKSNLKD. that entire decade i got between 2 and 30 favourites for every piece i posted- usually between 2 and 10- until around 2021 when a making a comic aANNND joining a wolf ARPG group exposed me to many kindred art-enjoyers that wanted to keep up with my goofy stories then for some reason, i posted Dewclan's first page on tumblr and it got way more engagement than any other piece of art i've ever posted SO LAKSDNLKDAS WE CANNOT PREDICT THESE THINGS.. at least i can't if you're looking for engagement, pLS AIM FOR ENGAGEMENT THAT FEELS MEANINGFUL over anything else IN MY OPINION, and it's just my opinion- part of being 'better' is, first and foremost, being able to enjoy your art alone. and then being excited with what you choose to share! even if you don't care about your quality of art, care about the story. if you don't care about the story, care about the process and just having fun. but you have to have fun in doing it, and do it for your own eyes primarily. like if you were alone in a room and creating only for yourself! because, until you happen to find others who like what you're liking, you are then when someone is interested and you get to share that excitement, even that ooone comment on something you care about is OOGHHH SUCH A NICE FEELIN. enter communities, comment on other artists' work, try to make friends! but make sure to remember, if you create with the hopes others will like it, without liking it yourself, you're going to be really broken down if someone doesn't like it FOR you :{ loving your own art is tough work but it's integral to your longterm relationship with drawing ON IMPROVING.. for me, nothing is more integral to improving than finding a way to practice that suits you (looking at live figures doesn't help me at all. i don't know why. it's insane), and having fun doing it. i can't grasp anatomy unless i break it down with shapes. SHAPES ARE EVERYTHING. study the shapes of what you want to draw. break em down by tracing simple shapes over your subject. see if the leg is the same length as the head from muzzle to neck and lock that info in. STUFF LIKE THAT on the technical side of things, it can be super helpful to dedicate half an hour or so to drawing a day- eventually it becomes a habit and you just default to 'oh i think i wanna draw' when you've got nothing else to do. more drawing, more improvement!

HONESTLY THO another important thing is not putting yourself down. i know it's a hard habit to break (i struggle with it outside of art myself!), but it doesn't do you any favours. the more you rag on yourself, the more it'll manifest as something that actually damages your art, AND your relationship with it. let it be fun- don't sabotage yourself! you can be critical of your work and still kind! little tip here, improving can take a while, but experimenting with styles can make an INSTANT shift in how you perceive your stuff. ALSOOO EXPERIMENT WITH DIFFERENT BRUSHES FOR SKETCHING AND LINING. I PROOMISE. PLS DO IT. IT'S LIKE A MAGIC TRICK. i cannNNNOT sketch with a hard brush. everything looks horrible. marker brush tho?? so smooth. full of character. lovely. binary brush sketches? suddenly i'm Anime. pencil brush?? i digidevolve back into baby ka who loved to crosshatch and do semi realism. airbrush??? i explode into atoms actually

i find for a lot of people, they don't need to improve or be 'better' at art, they need to learn to enjoy what they're capable of doing now, and improvement is a byproduct. from what i've seen through the years, unless you work to curb it the negative view of your art will stick with you no matter what 'skill level' you get to bc the calls' comin from inside the house, yknow what i mean 3: it can be a long process to learn to accept your art, and sometimes you just plain grow out of it over time! but in the meantime it can't hurt to make efforts to fight your d e m o n s

I'M SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH IK YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS ALL IT ISN'T JUST TO YOU, ODESSY-CLAN BLOG RUNNER, IT'S AIMED AT ANYONE WITH ARTSY SELF DOUBTS. i hope i phrased everything kindly bc i meant it all kindly 3: i hate to see an artist doubt their work, but THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT. i want to encourage loving it regardless of any flaws tho, even though it takes time!

[rvb-canon-grimmons]

RVB RESTORATION THOUGHTS!!!!

LONG POST IM SO SORRY I HAD A LOT OF FEELINGS

(Im so sorry this got so long, but i got emotional while writing it so please bear with me, read this like its the morning paper while u eat breakfast or something i have alot to say)

Before I go into the things I didn't like I do want to focus on some positives.

-Like I said in an earlier post, Geoff's acting…he absolutely killed it, and maybe this is because I'm a little bit Geoff/Grif biased but he was giving so much emotion and everyone else felt a little bit flat. Also only he could have delivered the "Come with me" line with so much Homoeroticism -I Had a pretty fun time watching the fight in the second half, The references to Monty we're sweet and getting to see Tex and Carolina fight together was pretty epic! -A good handful of jokes got me good. "23rd in my class" Shelia translating Caboose's Spanish to Lopez

Ok……. the next bit of this will get a little bit negative, but I do want to say this is coming from a place of deep love and care for this series. I have run this blog for like 6/7 years now and I've been a fan of this show for double that. My biggest fear is that fans get the same treatment we did when no one liked RVBZero. I have criticisms. This is a 21 year old series that so many people have had a part in and so many have loved. I was not looking for perfection, I wasn't even looking for something good. I was looking for an ending to the stories of characters people have held in their hearts for 21 years. Unfortunately, what I feel we were left with was a hastily thrown together hour of basically nothing.

-Why weren't they friends…..Why weren't they friends…No one cared for the others. I understand that we have semi warped perceptions of the characters from fanon works and things of that nature. But even in canon, the reds and blue care about each other. On their own team and the other team. Simmons, Grif, Tucker, and Caboose spent MONTHS together in chorus and same for Donut/Sarge/Wash. I've recently rewatched blood gulch and Caboose and Sarge have a great dynamic! Tucker and Grif canonically get along pretty well. Simmons was ON BLUE TEAM for like a hot minute there. THEY KNOW EACH OTHER AND CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. This was zero percent present in this film. No one had any motivation to look for Tucker. No one cared that it was Tuckers body inside the suit. THE REDS LEFT CABOOSE FOR DEAD!!!!!! THEY JUST LEFT HIM!!!!

-Tucker, I'm so sorry baby girl, this was supposed to be your arc, your moment. You were hardly in it. No build up to how he became the Meta. The scene where he breaks out of it to not kill caboose was the best part of the arc. And he just wakes up and remembers it "like someone elses Nightmare??" ok sure

-Wash………………WHAT THE FUCK???? WHAT THE FUCK???????????????? WHAT THE FUCK??????? WHAT THE FUCK???? TO RUIN THIS MANS ENTIRE CHARACTER ARC BY MAKING HIM COMPLETELY OBSOLETE. PUTTING HIM IN SOME RANDOM HOSPITAL FOR AN UNKNOWN INJURY THAT HAPPENS OFF SCREEN AND ISN'T EXPLAINED. HAVE HIM HALUCINATING DOC FOR SOME FUCKING REASON. HAVE HIM SHOW UP TO THE FINAL BATTLE AND DO ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING BUT JUMP OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND NOT SAY A WORD TO ANY OF THE RED AND BLUES I AM LIERALLY ABOUT TO FUCKING CRY TYPING THIS I AM LITERALLY SO FUCKING PISSED OFF. AGENT WASHINGTON, THE CHARACTER THAT WAS SO HAPPY IN THE SEASON RIGHT BEFORE CHORUS JUST TO BE ON BLUE TEAM AND HAVE A FUCKING FAMILY AGAIN. JUST SIDELINE HIM FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THEN NOT LET HIM SPEAK TO ANY OF HIS FRIENDS EXCEPT CAROLINA AND DEAD DOC. AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT TUCKER BEING THE META WAS LITERALLY A PLOT POINT CATERED TO HAVE WASH BE INVOLVED. THIS IS LIKE AGENT WASHINGTON ANGST BAIT 101. YES IM A TUCKINGTON SHIPPER BUT PUT ALL SHIPPING ASIDE, THEY WERE STILL FRIENDS, THEY WERE FRIENDS THEY WERE FRIENDS.

Grimmons. I am disappointed. But really not surprised. Honestly for everything I disliked I thought Grimmons was handled ok… at this point im like….. they couldn't even throw us a bone. company was dying, final season airing, and they couldn't even throw us a solid Grimmons queerbait joke. Its whatever….I don't wanna get too upset about shipping because at the end of the day, ships becoming canon isn't what shipping is all about (says Tumblr user "RVB-Canon-Grimmons) you get what im saying.

-Donut…..where was he…..Fucking Homophobic honestly

-DOC IS DEAD?????????????????????????????? FUCKING WHY???

-Sarge's death was fine, I'm not upset by it I just didn't feel like it was emotionally satisfying. Especially after the shock of them leaving Caboose and the much better scene of tucker fighting the meta's control over him to not hurt caboose.

-PEOPLE CALLED U SIR ALL THROUGHOUT CHORUS SIMMONS WHAT THE FUCK??????????? WHY IS SIMMONS PROMOTED AND INCHARGE OF NO ONE???? WHY DID GRIF LEAVE HIM???

Im sorry………..this is so long………just remeber this is only my opinions and if u don't agree thats totally ok!!!!! I am just a critical bitch….

[jesncin]

Evening! I'm a young chinese/indo american and plan on reading your comic soon, but beyond that I've frankly just been desperate for any decent rep in DC/Marvel - are y'all aware of any comics / comic characters / runs that handle an asian character's background well? I feel like I'm slugging through quagmires braving search results. All of them are just talking about racism but I want the good, and process of elimination feels like a bad strategy. Thank you

Hello fellow Chindo! Thank you for planning to read my book (which obviously I recommend for great Indonesian representation, heheh)! :) They're probably pretty mainstream choices, but regardless! I have a couple of recommendations:

New Super-man: Kong Kenan, written by Gene Luen Yang

This comic run has a bit of a typical start before jumping into some truly refreshing and fun wider worldbuilding! My biggest criticism to Superman legacy characters is that they should expand on his inherently political themes, and they mostly just stay stuck in science fiction silliness. But not Kong Kenan! His world, cast and even powers are steeped in politics and culture, just an absolute treat.

2. Girl Taking Over: A Lois Lane Story written by Sarah Kuhn with art by Arielle Jovellanos

My all time favorite canon reimagining of Lois as Asian (she's specifically Japanese American in this version)! A perfect marriage of Lois' character as a hard working, career-focused, jaded girlie with the struggles of model minority as an Asian American woman. She stands out on her own here without Superman and has a fantastic cast system that builds her character wonderfully. I especially recommend this graphic novel if you were disappointed with the wasted potential of Asian Lois Lane in MAWS.

3. Superman Smashes the Klan written by Gene Luen Yang with art by Gurihiru

Need I say more? I will anyway. This is the best Superman story of all time, to the point it will actively ruin your enjoyment of other Superman stories for you. It seems so obvious to pair Superman's inherently immigrant allegory with that of actual immigrant struggles, especially with an Asian American family- who are perceived as the perpetual foreigner- and yet this is the first time that story really commits to that comparison. A fantastic reimagining of the original radio show arc that actually centers the Chinese American family being harassed by the Klan. My perpetual recommendation to anyone looking for their next favorite superhero story.

4. Shadow of the Batgirl written by Sarah Kuhn with art by Nicole Goux

Okay I haven't read this one yet, but I keep hearing good things about it! And It's written by Sarah Kuhn, who delivered for Girl Taking Over, so I don't doubt she did great here too. I do generally wish Cassandra will get to be written by a Chinese woman specifically since so far she's been written by Japanese writers. No shade to them of course, but I want cultural specifically. Cassandra tends to be in the vaguesian void and that's a disservice to her character.

The way this list is switching between Gene Yang and Sarah Kuhn is telling of the writers I trust haha.

I've got a heavy DC bias so I can't recommend much of Marvel, but I do remember enjoying Kamala Kahn's Ms. Marvel 2014 series under G. Willow Wilson's writing. Kamala is an endlessly charming character, and I don't think the MCU did her justice tbh!

Those are my reccs that I feel pretty confident recommending! I know there's other prominent Asian characters and writers in DC/Marvel, but they're a hit and miss for me.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I'm still here ngl..

*

Listen, I see this and feel so much happiness. Jimin dancing, showing who he is, showing the versatility of his style and giving us just a glimpse into the extensive, vast range of his talent.

There's been some revisionism happening regarding BTS that's ratcheted up in the last three years or so. I can't be the only person who's noticed it. People more forcefully asserting things about the members that are just plain absurd, like saying this or that member isn't that talented, or that xyz member has this massive character failing that's only just apparent now for some reason, or that things they've said and done aren't actually the case. After FACE, I noticed people saying shit like Jimin can't sing and can't dance...

That reminds me, I went to a cup-sleeve event in June for another group and someone told me to my face Jimin can't dance and I almost uppercut that bitch. It ticked me off but I didn't actually assault her. What I did instead was ask her to explain what she meant, told her I disagreed, and showed her why by playing Jimin's Black Swan solo DP. She took back her initial claim and said she'd just been in a k-pop group online and all those people were saying is how none of the BTS members are that talented especially Jimin who apparently can't sing to save his life and whatever dancing he can do is limited to a few moves from 6 years ago.

Plain insanity.

Jimin, out of the kindness of his sweet, magnanimous heart, is giving the amnesia patients a crash course in who he is. He's reminding people he is Park Jimin of BTS. The dancer who joined a nearly bankrupt agency, had the shortest training period in that agency's history, and with the least resources, and debuted as the main dancer and lead singer of what is now the biggest group in the world. The man who critics from all over the world laud as a virtuoso, in voice, dance, and performance. His voice has brought men to their knees, calmed babies, enchanted concert halls, made stadiums full of people cry out in pure joy. There's nobody alive or dead like Park Jimin, and the fact we all get to exist in the same time as him is a blessing too many people (for my liking) take for granted.

ThisIsJimin is a gift I'm thankful to Jimin for giving us again.

*

Anyway, I was watching that clip again with a friend and she pointed out how cool the dance practice room was. Noted how it's a massive improvement from the old BigHit halls that had mold growing on the walls and water dripping on live wires in the back. It's taken years, hard work by the members, good business sense from BigHit/HYBE, and a lot of my own hard-earned money as well as the resources (time, money, otherwise) from ARMYs over the years to get to this point - and I just want to say, speaking for myself, even though I still see massive room for improvement, I feel very happy with the state of things.

HYBE is cultivating a solid roster of talent built on BTS's hard work. The world-class facilities in the building is the first good sign, as well as the talent now being fostered there. I love the quality of the army of dancers Jimin had access to for his SMF Pt2 performances, I love that NewJeans is doing so well that Riot Games sought them to feature on their new World's anthem, I love that a whole new generation of incredible groups are growing in the environment created by BTS's own trials and success.

BOYNEXTDOOR is a group that continues to have my attention because all six boys are just that good. They posted their dance practice for Crying today (my favourite song from a rookie group in 2023), and I noticed they did it in a similar dark coloured dance practice room Jimin filmed his #ThisIsJimin choreo in. And that really just put a very silly smile on my face for a reason I can't pinpoint yet.

*

Maybe it's aftereffects from the Jimin Effect after streaming his reel as hard as I'm streaming Indigo lately.

I see the asks you send, about Golden, JK in general, jokers, this or that thing happening in fandom, and I'll get to them at some point but I don't want to talk about them right now. Because I'm still stuck on Jimin showcasing himself in that air conditioned, world class dance practice room that's only possible because of his hard work, tenacity, talent, and love for his group.

I'm still stuck on Jimin and legit cannot move on. He's such a beast. Such a calculating, proud, stubborn, and kind beast of a man.

I'm not sure what's going on with me.

We're in Jimtober so maybe his juju is just extra strong and I can't escape his grip no matter what I try. Anyway, it's a good idea to stream FACE, allow yourself to re-experience his album, check out his other solos as well (played Christmas Love over the weekend and realized it sounds even better on low frequency speakers), and eat a lot of spicy food followed by warm/hot drinks because Jimin is curious about such things (and it really does work).

[morethansky]

***TBB FINALE SPOILERS***

"The Cavalry Has Arrived" aka MY OTP IS CANON NOW

A truly absurd amount of meta and thoughts and screaming under the cut:

Overall

• I...loved it????? This is the biggest plot twist of all for me. Like I've said incessantly, I've had so many issues with the writing choices for this show, and I'm so grateful the brainrot set in so I could start watching it through a fandom lens and have way more fun with it than through a media critic lens and being a hater. But like...that was actually really satisfying to me within the parameters of where the show had led to in the last four episodes??

• As everyone on the planet probably knows by now, I would've been much happier if this show had led to the Batch choosing to do the right thing and joining the clone resistance, and if we never get another clone series, I will continue to be unbearable and salty about the lost potential of telling that story. But after Echo left and we stopped following his story, I gave that hope up. And ofc nothing about my criticism of this season is invalidated. But given the pieces on the board, I'd pretty wholeheartedly give the finale my stamp of approval!

• I'm ultimately glad that this show ended on a "We don't leave our own behind" note, because that's the clone energy and general Star Wars energy I'm looking for, and they did a great job of applying that theme to every non-villain in this episode, minor and unnamed characters included—but it's still so darkly funny for them to have continued to push this idea even though the first season is literally about them leaving their own behind and moving on. And then Crosshair calls them out on it. And then he just...leaves himself behind. Even in their first appearance in TCW, the Batch's entire vibe is that they keep trying to convince Rex to leave his own behind lmao. I just feel like the show wanted this adage to tie everything together, but then forgot to keep applying it somewhere along the way. But hurrah for this abundant use of it!

• My overall biggest criticism was that even within this one episode we got back on the rescue/captured/rescue/captured treadmill. It's the biggest plot crutch of the show. It's so goofy that Omega and Echo rescued both the children and the imprisoned clones by themselves. The setup made it so that by going to rescue Omega, Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair actually put her in more danger. And because they were there, more clones died, wtf!! But I do like the narrative flip—Echo and Omega were both saved by the Batch in their introductions in this era, and here are they are being the ones to save them in return. Omega and Echo also are the characters in the main cast who deserve the rescuer plotline the most, since they have been consistently portrayed as helping those in need no matter what.

• Hilariously, one of the most pivotal roles that the Forest Trio plays in regards to the GFFA at large is that they were essentially Rampart's rideshare drivers, thus enabling him to be there and force Nala Se not to hesitate to destroy Project Necromancer.

Rampart and Nala Se

• Hemlock saying his work makes him indispensable is fantastic dialogue; it just seems like some dickish thing he would say to shit on Rampart, but it ends up giving Rampart the idea to try to leverage his work to become indispensable himself, and in saying that line, Hemlock ushers his own ruin!!! This is the kind of script work I've been begging for.

• Also I was so right about Rampart being like a Kallus foil! That infamous shot of him in his sad, sterile room after Bahryn is mirrored here with Rampart sitting in pretty much the same position, except his path is the opposite from Kallus's.

• They did an EXCELLENT job with Rampart's fate. I was worried they were neutering him these last couple eps, even if the comedy was gold, but this was very well done. Everything that happens leading up to his death makes complete sense for his character, and it accomplishes the very key plot point of destroying Tantiss. At the start of the season I couldn't figure out how and why the Batch was going to end up delaying Project Necromancer for like thirty years, so I feel validated that they pretty much don't. Very typical of this show to not have the protagonists do the heroic work, but fuck it, I like this instance.

• The humanizing of Nala Se in this show has always been a bit of an interesting choice given that this is feels like such a direct successor to TCW and she was so clearly a villain there. But although they don't quite redeem her, her motivations and her fate were also artfully executed here. Her conversation with Omega pretty much takes into account every Nala Se scene in this show, which is a great way to wrap her character up. And I really like the mirror of Nala Se giving Omega her datapad in the season premiere, and Omega giving Nala Se a datapad here. Both times, Nala Se is determined to set Omega free.

• And I'm so glad there was a follow-up to the destruction of Kamino as well! Nala Se getting a bit of revenge against one of the beings responsible for the genocide of her people and destruction of her homeworld is not something I expected at all, and I love it. And the setup of Nala Se picking up the detonator and Rampart picking up the blaster is just fantastic, because you know from just those two shots that Rampart is willing to kill to gain Palpatine's favor for himself, and Nala Se is willing to die to make sure the being she loves will be free.

Echo and Omega supremacy

• Give me an Echo-led rebel show where he convinces all sorts of people in the Empire and the underworld to defect/help them, please!!! He's so good at it, completing Emerie's turn so efficiently! We have to assume Rex is also good at it given his cell and that he has clone spies and even undercover agents, but every time he sees Hunter he has tried and failed to recruit him lmao. Also REX'S NAMEDROP but him not showing up surely means...we'll see a continuation of his story soon after this...right??? Also this means Howzer still lives, oh, thank god.

• "Because it's exactly what I would do." Strategist Echo comeback yessss!! A nice little callback to the Techno Union arc that kicked this story off as well. And HELL YEAH Omega's relationship with Echo is my favorite out of all of her connections, and I'm living for their spotlight together this ep. I'm extremely invested in found family stories not relying on nuclear family narratives, and I love that you see throughout the show that Echo doesn't "raise" Omega like a kid—he trains her like a cadet. Like someone who he intends to be his equal, which is a nice and very appreciated contrast to others treating her like a precious sheltered baby.

• Their goodbye scene in "Truth and Consequences" is one of my favorites in the show, and I just adore that when Omega is upset, Echo doesn't coddle her—he reminds her of her duty to watch over the others, giving her a purpose and a reason to stand tall. When he conveys that he was worried about her and thinking of her while she was captured, he gifts her a weapon he designed and made for her during that time, so that she won't have to be defenseless after being defenseless for so long in captivity. It's so clone trooper, and I love it and the glimpses these details give us about clone culture and how the older clones cared for the shinies and the cadets and showed their love for each other.

• I also liked that Omega couldn't have escaped without Tech's training, since slicing was so vital. And all her stealthy stabbing is of course reminiscent of Hunter. And finally some emotional payoff for the ongoing bit about Wrecker being afraid of heights! I'm weak for inspirational Star Wars quotes, and this show hasn't had many, but "Just stay focused on what's ahead, not what's below," is a lovely one.

Forest conversations, my beloved

• The Kiners scored the fuck out of this episode!!! So many clever, thoughtful reprises. This is the first reappearance of Crosshair's theme that's played on the synths since he began healing! And then it segues into a soft violin tremolo version that makes me cry, and then it intertwines with "The Sacrifice" from Tech's death, ouchhhh. I have a lot of meta I need to write out about the tracks "The Reunion" and "They Always Work It Out" and how they say so much about Hunter and Crosshair, but I can't believe how well my analysis paid off in the cues in this scene! More on that in another post.

• Gosh, Wrecker's injury scared the shit out of me. But I love him so much and I'm glad he got at least a little moment, even if he didn't really have a story arc here. Or you know, in the entire damn show. And I ultimately liked that the purpose of it wasn't just to freak us out but to give them a plausible disadvantage and to give Crosshair someone to fuss over the whole time and act more recklessly because of it, thus reiterating this key character trait of his.

• I love Crosshair being worried about Wrecker and Hunter and them being worried about Crosshair. That's the squad content I crave and have been missing!! Unfortunate that it specifically has been happening when Omega is out of the picture. Writers, I swear to you, you can do both.

• Can't believe it took another half season for someone to say something about Tech's death, and it was Crosshair, who wasn't even there?? Cool line and sentiment, but man, so frustrating. I like this callback to his conversation with Rampart, though. "Depends on who's giving them" and in this first act he keeps trying to give those orders himself. Thinking of Rex on Umbara: "We're not programmed. You have to learn to make your own decisions."

• God the forest conversations in this ep and the previous one fed me so much. Hunter saying, "And so do those clones" had me literally jumping out of my seat and cheering. Baby boy, it took you so goddamn long, but thank you for finally actually giving a shit before the conclusion of your story. And "It's what I deserve," hnghhh that's the good shit, and it hearkens back perfectly to "I belong in here." And Hunter immediately telling Crosshair hell no made me very happy. And then later Hunter saying "Crosshair—" when he's worried Crosshair is still going to sacrifice himself, but Crosshair reassures him that he'll be right behind them... My heart! What a Crosshunt feast we got in this ep!!!

• Can't believe we also got so many Crosswrecker moments from the get-go and they kept coming! And my three precious little Techwrecker crumbs: the way Crosshair specifically chooses Wrecker to say the cutting remark about Tech to; the way Wrecker bows his head because that was right on target; and Wrecker being the one to watch Tech fall and to scream, "Don't do it, Tech!" in "Plan 99" yet the one to say with such conviction here, "We've always known the risks. And so did Tech." That's just so...finally accepting your beloved is gone ;_; Not really deserved by the text, which kept all but a total of like maybe one total minute of mourning off screen for some fucking reason, but.

Clone X, more like Clone Sexy

• There aren't nearly as many Clone X dudes as I expected?? I guess Crosshair's situation wasn't that rare after all? Or do they just run through them super quickly because Rex's team keeps taking them down?? Regardless, god, THEY ARE ALL SO SEXY. The way they animated their movements was so creepy and hot. And them not speaking was so eerie, I loved it. And then the moment that CX-2 did was so effective and terrifying!!! But remembering that those were clones in there is so, so heartbreaking.

• I really like that Echo really felt like both a clone trooper AND the resistance agent he is now this whole episode, and Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair actually briefly got to feel like commandos. The slick stealth and silent communication was also very sexy.

• MY GOD, I loved these action scenes. They were lit and choreographed so cool, they were super intense and had real consequences and close brushes with death, and the logic of the fight flow was really good, too. A character being incapacitated because they went to try to help an ally is always a wonderful driving force for action and gives it that crucial character-driven element that raises the stakes, and is great for making sure the main characters aren't too OP, and there was a ton of that here.

• Hunter and Wrecker getting shot by laser cannons and Hunter pushing Wrecker away from the blast made me shriek in terror AND THEN CROSSHAIR SHOOTING THE PILOT DEAD ON NO HESITATION NO ANXIETY NO TREMOR BECAUSE HOW DARE YOU HURT MY HUSBAND I'M FUCKING LIVINGGG. And then Wrecker stumbling over to Hunter and lifting the debris like he does in TCW. Boom, three pivotal character-driven action scenes in a row that divulge a key characteristic of each character! Excellently written and directed.

• Also I am SO SO SO HAPPY that we're getting to see this protective Crosshair come out in full force!!! This is the Crosshair who risked his life to try to save Mayday, who shouted hysterically when Hunter fell into the ice and was so desperate to get him out, who worried over Omega on Teth. I also really like this contrast with how he was about Echo—"Echo's on it." He knows Echo will get the job done and be safe and that's despite his former prejudice against regs. He's worried about Hunter and Wrecker and that's despite previously spending time trying to hunt them down. And when he suffers consequences, it's because of him worrying about them, and that's so delicious.

• Finally got to hear Crosshair screaming! And Hunter was already the screamer in this show, but goddamn does he get to scream in this episode. Thank you, directors, for this whump material! My man Steward Lee never lets me down.

• THE WAY THAT WHEN CROSSHAIR IS TRYING TO SAVE WRECKER HE REACHES FOR A DC-17 OMG!!!! I feel so validated! And just like with Mayday, he's incapacitated afterward...

• God the way CX-2 waits to be tossed the vibrosword and then leans down with it while Crosshair is already incapacitated is SO brutal, like this is not a battle injury. It's straight up what Anakin fucking Skywalker does to Count Dooku just before he becomes a Sith Lord, like holy shit, dude. This scene is so cool and I've watched it 10,000 times over the past 24 hours, but also why did he do that lol, is he just supposed to be particularly cruel?? Obsessed with tormenting Crosshair for some reason?? Also, these vibroswords are exactly how I've pictured Ahsoka's being in A Future for Us :D

• At this point I was like, uhhh, the messaging of Crosshair struggling with this psychomatic hand tremor since the first episode of the season and then the symptom literally being taken out of his........hands sure is a Choice, especially coupled with how they've treated Echo (or you know, not). When they showed him still with the symptoms later, I was very relieved, AND THEN HUNTER LITERALLY CURES CROSSHAIR THROUGH THE POWER OF THE LOVE AND FAITH AND TRUST HE HAS FOR HIM IS THERE ANYTHING MORE BEAUTIFUL IN THE WORLD???? But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Echo is the GOAT

• "You were helping us, Dr. Karr?" / "I am." I love this subtle line and how Emerie acknowledges that she wasn't sure of her loyalties before but is certain now. And I love that she says such a clone trooper thing, "You have my word," and then doing the clone shoulder pat, especially in direct contrast to the natborn kids hugging Omega just before.

• "Hey, kids. ...And other kids." is just so fucking 501st, I can't explain it. I'm just so ecstatic that they did Echo such justice in the end, giving a nod to everything about his character, even his dorkass cadet personality. And it wasn't just so he could die, thank god!!!

• Like Echo even got a DARTH VADER homage??? That's his mass-murdering general (affectionate). More on this here!

• Also is there anything more Big Dick Energy in the world than Echo eviscerating Rampart—who either the clones would recognize as a former vice admiral or at least see his captain rank plaque—with what may not be a theme this show really earned but is ABSOLUTELY a theme that Echo deserves and has shouldered for over two seasons...and then just straight up shoving him out of the way so that he can talk to his brothers???? And with his stormtrooper helmet—which is like Echo refusing to dirty his hands (including his new, long-awaited one) by touching Rampart oh my god??? Sexiest man alive.

• So the answer is no, there isn't. Fives is hollering from the afterlife. Half those clones immediately developed a crush on him in that moment. That one clone later placing a blaster in Echo's arms so gently confirmed this for me (remember the symbolism of Echo making the energy crossbow for Omega? He even gives her his borrowed blaster in this scene), but it's so sad that he died because of it, whyyy.

• Also I love the "Clones don't leave our brothers behind" riff on the "We don't leave our own behind" adage. It's very fitting that Hunter would put it that way because he only means his squad (+/-1), whereas Echo would see it as meaning his people.

• And I love how when Rampart first shoves Echo, the clone in front that Echo's been talking to prickles and makes brief eye contact with him, to be like, "Should we take him? I've got your back." I felt that girls (gender neutral) in the bathroom energy so hard.

• The clones helping each other out of their cells made me so emotional. And it's the same way that Hunter and Crosshair do later...

• Echo asking for volunteers, just like Rex did on Umbara..................

• I think this post is breaking and I'm still only two-thirds of the way through my rewatch, oops. And yesterday I stayed up until 8 a.m. after I put it on again after watching it for the first time... I'm so normal about this show. More tomorrow!

• Part 2!