#i'm trying to find patterns and consistencies but its tough

[doctapuella]

the past 2 years i've done a post to list my top 9 celeb favs and so this is it for summer 2023 because i love overanalyzing myself and the way i experience attraction and how it changes and whatnot. i'm in a very different brain space this year (wrestle instead of music) but it's still very interesting looking at it in one space like this. weird, but interesting.

[fluffypichu876]

If you were to recommend Sekiro to someone, perhaps a Mutual even, how would you go about it?

(I'm always on the roll looking for soulsborne design content, as it is a big topic in the industry, and I am too much of a whimp to play something that openly sadomasochistic xD, but sekiro is the one I'm lest knowledgable about of them all and I'd love a first-hand opinion on it/maybe a reccomend to see if there might be something interesting to try to brave it For, and not just difficulty for difficulty's sake)

That is a GREAT ask, mutual, and I am very glad to answer it to you! (i never miss an opportunity to discuss game design xD)

Well, the game is REALLY good. It's rewarding and it just feels good to play. That's why I recommend it in very simple words, with the small warning that it is, indeed, a difficult game.

But if I was allowed to go into detail on why I love it and recommend it so much...

Sekiro is a very interesting soulsbourne. It follows many traditions of FromSoft's other games, but it also breaks enough of these rules to stand out as a game of its own.

One thing that differs in Sekiro is the very way that you tackle bossfights. Boss design is one of, if not the most important aspect of a soulslike. I have yet to play other soulsbournes, but from what I've heard, in these games there are usually multiple ways of dealing with a tough boss. You can grind and find better equipment to fight them, use cheese strategies, get help from another player (co-op), or just git gud and try to defeat the boss by learning their patterns and relying on pure skill. Each boss is always designed with that in mind, focusing on providing a fair experience to the player no matter which option they choose.

But in Sekiro, there's none of that. No co-op, very little cheese strats, a stat system that requires the defeat of a major boss to increase damage output (by very little), and a EXP system that only grants a few new skills (some of them are very useful though, such as the Mikiri counter). Oh, and you lose EXP when you die.

To beat a boss here, you must rely on pure skill. Git gud, as people say. This skill consists basically of your ability to recognize and correctly counter all the types of enemy attacks. Deflect strikes, dodge grabs, Mikiri-counter thrusts, jump over sweeps and ocassionaly redirect lightning. If you don't understand and properly use these skills, you will not get very far, because every enemy and every boss will demand varying levels of your knowledge about the game, and more importantly your ability to actually use said knowledge. Their very design is based on the player's skill.

It may sound bad, but this focus on pure player skill is exactly what makes this game so compelling and rewarding. When you fight a boss in Sekiro, you are not mastering the bossfight, you are mastering the game itself. Each boss requires the same skills to defeat, consisting of a single core gameplay loop, and extra items or tools are merely extra help and not really necessary to win (with the exception of a few gimmick optional bosses). Master these skills and the whole game becomes much easier to understand and overcome. You'll still die a lot, but you will feel your progress, understand why you died, and become even more confident after every defeat.

Once you beat Lady Butterfly and Genichiro, you have already mastered the game. From now on, you will be just sharpening your skills.

In simple words, Sekiro's definition of getting good is very different from other soulsbourne games. Beating this game is like a personal journey of improvement, in which you aim to improve because you know it's worth it.

The revival mechanic is also very interesting to me. From what I understand, it serves both as a mid-battle breathing room, and as a motivator.

Dying in a bossfight doesn't feel good, and enough deaths can motivate the player to give up, so giving them time to breath and consider their options before reviving and trying again is very nice. It's a period of time used to strategize and reflect what exactly is going wrong. Allowing the player to revive once or twice during a fight doesn't make the game easier, it makes the game fair. The player will not have to repeat a part of the fight that they have already mastered, and will have another opportunity to try and understand what's currently going on. Then, they can carry this new knowledge to the next attempts, making the whole "die and try again" experience much more fluid.

Following this logic, the revival mechanic also serves as a motivator. If the player has good enough base knowledge of a bossfight, giving them a second chance will motivate them to take risks, which leads into the discovery of potentially better strategies. Dying now will not really grant too much of a bad consequence, so why not risk something new? The whole combat system revolves about your agressiveness and lack of hesitation, so a motivator like this is very important.

Sekiro also has stealth mechanics, yipeee!!! Fitting, since you are a shinobi. Stealth here mostly serves as an second option to deal with areas filled to the brim with enemies. Attacking any enemy from behind without their notice will instantly delete an entire healthbar. This means death to most lesser foes. It also helps you deal with mini-bosses who have more than one healthbar.

Having said all of that, Sekiro is an amazing game, and I can't recommend it enough. In my opinion, you don't even have to be too much of a masochist to like this game! I found the whole experience to be pretty fair and rewarding, and not really painful at all (maybe it's just me on that xD). Patience is all that you really need, patience to slowly learn and understand, as if you where learning how to use a sword in real life. After all, that's exactly what you must do to beat this game.

[nuttynutcycle]

I just discovered your blog, and I'm in LOVE with your writing! I'm completely obsessed with Familiar, so if it's not to much to ask, could you write a continuation? Thank you so much, your snippets and prompts are greatly appreciated!!

Familiar - Pt 2

First part here

On a scale of one to ten, this was either a -2 or a 12 on the good idea scale. Hero double-checked the address Villain had sent her before looking back at the tiny house. The paint was peeling, steps were rotting and that roof was definitely of the leaking sort. Somehow, she had expected Villain to live on the rich side of town.

When he had invited her over to work on their assignment, her thoughts had been torn between screaming trap and find some evidence. The second side won. If there wasn’t anything in there to prove who Villain really was… Well, she’d have to find another way of getting proof to show the authorities. She knocked and noted the cracked windows to her side. After a few seconds, Villain opened the door.

“Hey, I’m glad you could make it. Come on in.” He led her down the musty hall towards a suspiciously normal bedroom. “Thanks again for making the trek all the way over here. My mom hasn’t been doing too well recently, and I’m trying not to leave her alone for too long.”

“Of course, I get it.” Hero let her eyes trail over the spartan room. The only furniture was a bed and two chairs beside a fold-up table covered with books and scribblers. Funny, the number of times Villain escaped from her with stolen cash made her think he’d at least have better furniture. Or a safe to put the money in. Maybe it was hiding in the closet? Although in this neighbourhood, keeping money lying around might not be the brightest idea. “It’s good that you’re taking care of her.”

He nodded, avoiding her gaze and moving his stuff from the table to the floor. “Hopefully, this next surgery will be the one that works.”

“Yeah, it’s tough watching people you love go through painful things. My sister has a heart problem right now, and it’s terrifying to watch her energy come and go.” Shut up! Stop telling him personal things. “Yeah.” She finished lamely.

Their gazes locked in understanding. Hero was the first to break away. “Ready to start the pain?”

They worked on the assignment in silence for a while. Honestly, there was probably a special punishment designed for whoever invented assignments over ten pages long. This just wasn’t fair. Hero sat back, running a hand through her hair. “I think this is karma's way of punishing me for not reading the textbook.”

His lips quirked. “There’s a textbook for this class? That would’ve been helpful to know at the start of the semester.”

“Want to know how tired I was at the beginning of the semester? I can’t even remember choosing my classes,” she pulled a hand down her face. “I think I just closed my eyes and pointed at the screen.”

“You could have been in differential calculus. Or worse, accounting.”

“Or Phys Ed. Did you know our university has a course devoted to badminton?”

Villain laughed. “What a racket. To think, I could have spent time swinging my arm around and gotten credit for it.”

“But then you’d be missing out on the glories of this assignment.”

“And a friend.”

Oh nope. Big nope. Wait, Hero reconsidered. Were they friends?  They did chat after class and had studied a few times together, but that didn’t mean- wait. Huh. Time to deflect with awkward humour and process these feelings later. “I thought you saw me as a role model, but that’s cool too. I’ll just have to find a new lackey.”

“And here I thought you were friends with me for my brilliance and good looks.”

She felt her cheeks begin to burn. “Yep, it’s all for your looks. If you seduce our professor, then we don’t have to do this assignment anymore.”

Villain rubbed his chin. “I’ve never seduced a professor before. Would I have to wear a sweater vest?”

“And a tweed jacket. It’s the only way.” Her fingers twitched, and she was suddenly very aware of him. The light hitting his hair, the way his lips curled when he was amused… Bad, very bad. This is your official ABORT MISSION alert. Find some evidence on the dangerous criminal and get out of there. She cleared her throat. “I’m parched. Could I get some water?”

Villain nodded, standing and leaving the room. Hero leapt out of the chair the moment the door shut behind him.  Her eyes latched on the only place one could hide anything in the sparse room - the closet. She yanked it open, feeling her heart speed up at the sound of Villain opening a cupboard in the kitchen and turning on the tap.

The closet was small and impressively dull. Clothes and boxes littered the tiny  shelves, with no signs of the files or weapons she was looking for. A flap of a familiar fabric dangling from one of the top boxes caught her eye. Bingo. Hero gingerly reached to feel the consistency, making sure she wasn’t wrong before bringing the authorities in, and accidentally bumped an elbow against the side of the closet. The box plummeted from its precarious placement and met the ground with a thump. No! She scrambled to pick up the box and the spilled-out uniform when a movement behind made her pause.

Villain stood in the doorway, hand clenched around a glass of water. His eyes darted to the clothes on the ground. “What are you doing?” he asked quietly.

Hero’s throat went dry. She tightened her grip on the clothes and tried to look surprised. “S-something fell in your closet, so I opened it to check what it was.”

“Huh,” Villain said. “That’s unfortunate.”

He knelt, gently taking his outfit from her hands and placing it back in the box. “You weren’t supposed to see this.”

“Clearly.”  Hero swallowed and prepared to run if he attacked. Worst case scenario, she had beat him before and could do it again. Theoretically. “I didn’t mean to-“

“I know.” A familiar calculation crept across his face, making her hands shake. Villain sat across from her and blocked the only exit, placing the cup of water between them. She felt trapped against the closet.

“You know, if this had happened a month ago, I would have killed you without a second thought,” he said mildly. “Guess you’re lucky.”

A horrifying reminder that she was not dealing with her awkward classmate anymore. “What are you going to do instead?”

Villain shrugged, seeming far too calm for the situation. “I don’t know yet. Talk, I guess?”

“I won’t tell anyone.” Hero said, lying through her teeth.

“Unfortunately, I’m too old to believe the promises of others so easily.” He trailed his fingers through the thin carpet, tracing patterns through the material. “Even yours. The stakes are just too high.”

“What’s even worth all the stealing and destruction?” she asked quietly. “Why do you do it? “

The  fingers paused. “It started out as one job. My mom needed treatment, and we didn’t have the money to pay for it. Then one treatment turned into two.” He shook his head. “Before I knew it, I was on the city’s most-wanted list.”

Her shoulders tensed. “Will you stop when the treatments are finished?”

“There have been other benefits to criminal activity.” Villain ducked his head, cheeks turning pink. “Lots of amazing people to meet. I haven’t decided yet.”

She leaned against the wall beside the closet, feeling safer with something solid against her back. “I don’t know if meeting people through crime is worth a lifetime in jail.”

He gave a bitter laugh. “You’d be surprised.”

Hero picked up the forgotten water sitting between them and drank, if nothing else than for the excuse to avoid responding.

His fingers trailed larger patterns in the carpet. “I never wanted you to find out- this is one of the first friendships I’ve made since I started university. I don’t want to lose that. And I don’t want you getting hurt, but this does put me in a tight position. I won’t let you inform the authorities.”

Hero pressed her back further against the wall.

Villain took one look at her wide eyes and softened his tone. “Just don’t tell. If I get one inkling that you’re about to turn me in, then..." he sighed. "Please don’t make me choose between you and my mom.”

He would know it was her. Hero didn’t think she could after this. Or fight him, knowing it was for his mom’s medical bills. She pursed her lips, making a highly regrettable split-second decision. “Alright. But only on one condition: you stop once her treatments are done.”

He twitched. “I told you, I haven’t decided yet-”

“I’m making the decision for you.” She tried to sound more confident than she felt. "Deals are much easier to trust than promises.”

“No. I’d miss-” Villain stopped, clenching his jaw. “I can’t let certain people from that life go yet.”

Something clicked. The girl he liked was from his criminal life… Oh gosh, Hero probably knew her. The brunette villain from the southside? The redheaded weapons supplier? Stop getting distracted.

“I trust you. Give it up as soon as you can.” The words slipped out before she could stop them. “For me.” That was even worse. Was it possible to die from a foot in your mouth?

Villain relaxed his shoulders. “Yeah. It’s a deal.” He stuck out a hand and Hero grasped it, shaking firmly and ignoring the sinking feeling in her chest. So like, a 5 on the good idea scale.

@revrevrew-personal @spruceandpine @sailor-cat2 @literally-just-kirby @emerqlds @chaoticgoodandu @notsocharmingmagician @flying-paperboat @touchedbyanerdyotaku

[aeempress]

Apritello Express Evidences, part 1

Greetings, Apritello enthusiasts and attention! Here comes a loong post is written by totally nerd. You've been warned. Here we go.

The thing is that Apritello is a double-edged sword. The series shows us established friendship of these two, give us a lot of content with them. We can see development of relationship through interaction between the characters, their reaction about the situations they are put in. We can sense their synergy and bound through the show.

Donnie and April have incredible chemistry, and both options, brotp and otp seems fine to me.

But let me tell you why I ship them.

Apritello is the kind of pairings, which consists of small details, hints, that's hidden, but if you're sharp and attentive one, you will notice that. Apritello has a strong foundation: the best friends trope.

And from the very beginning, it works as planned.

When I start watching show, I could say that April and Donnie are best friends. It is worth noting that April is like an older sister to the other brothers, more of a sisterly figure than a friend, but with Donnie she behaves somewhat differently, namely, as best friend. Obviously, she sets him apart from his brothers, although girl tries to pay attention to all of them equally. And Donnie behaves as well.

Dee's battle shell designs for April needs as well as his. His shell transform into comfy spot for taking ride for April. Special and only for her. Because his bros are not supposed to use it (at least, he carries no one on his back), Donnie carries them by his techno-bó or his limbs.

This tiny detail shows his special treatment to her. April is a very, very special occasion to D. Don does care about her comfort, he accept the way she is. Donatello does not try to prevent her from participating in their affairs because he respects her decisions and is pleased that April can be shoulder to shoulder with him.

D is glad to be at her service.

Yeah, Dee's still playing cool, he has image to perform as tough and coolheaded guy. So Don doesn't show his intentions, interest and feeling to other people (he's tryin', but fails). Because his actions matter. They are always small, hidden, but meaningful.

April, in return, trusts Dee and depends on his tech, even knowing what his inventions are the opposite of success (usually).

Go on. Look at Donnie's facial expressions and body language when April is near.

Donnie seems more relaxed when she's around, happier. His emotional response is always different from his brothers ones.

Oh, and look, he wanted to be first to give her a high three.

They worry about each other. Look at Don. He does worry about her way more than his brothers. Yeah, they all want to protect her, but Donnie is more expressive.

Mayham has no particular sympathy for the brothers: he is afraid of Raph and behaves aggressively, he is indifferent to Leo and Mikey. Mayham immediately takes a liking to April. And then the details come back: he let Donnie touch his neck. The most vulnerable place for any living creation, for a second. Let him to study an important vial without any hesitation. Mayham depends on April trust for Donnie. When everything goes wrong for Don, the little doggie comes to his rescue, just as April would have done. Is the hint transparent enough?

We can see links with "A mystic library", wherе Donnie begins to look for solutions to save April's pet. Yes, this may seem like his next leap, "sit down, I'm smart, and now I'll solve all the problems, watch and learn," but Don says one phrase that opens up the veil of the second plan, what happens behind the scenes. "My illiteral colleagues and I was conducting a mustic research, with a life of the beloved pet, hanging in a bounce".

Strange wording, Donatello. Beloved pet? Not yours, as we can see. I can say, that everything in this sentence is true, but Donnie and Mayham has something more.

Continue. Next episode "Origami tsunami". Interactions are kept to a minimum, as April herself appears for a maximum of 5 minutes in the series itself. But devil is always in the details, dear friends.

When April was attacked and hung up, the only one who excitedly called out to her was Donny. Raph is furious that the thieves have escaped, Leo is frustrated that their plan has failed, and Mikey is worried about the salami.

Yeah, we didn't see his worries about her when she fell, because Donnie is on the mission and must be coolheaded turtle, and second, he's calm because now April life is safe and sound, out of the danger.

Dear passangers, Apritello Express arrives to the next station - episode "War and Pizza".

Bare facts:

1. April has Donnie's number on an emergency call.

2. "Anything for you"

3. Donnie is the reason why Alberto knows April's name.

No one calles April by her name (except for Donnie, while phone call, but Alberto wasn't nearby) it was "Captain O'Neil" by her chief, her badge seems blank. And yeah, you can say, that's just economy of budget, but I assure you: in the first episode we were shown the name of the delivery guy. The animators were not lazy bones and wrore "Stewart" on his badge. So if something isn't there, then it either shouldn't be there, or it really isn't, that's how this show works.

So, the reason explained in the episode. When Al has short circuit, parts of its new code flashed through its mind.

Info about April was in its memory, in its code. Alberto was a lame animatronic, and it seems somewhat outdated. I do really doubt about Alberto is being something smartass machine with complicated AI like Freddy's Pizza's ones. Quite questionable. Donatello fix Al's brain and wrote code, synchronize with his remote control. He put information about Cap O'Neil into animatronic's head. All this pictures are kind of massage: "You was created for birthday celebrations. You are machine, and there concepts of "life" and "birth". Do great party for this birthday kid and April won't be like this". Or, something like that.

So Alberto did - do a memorable party. And he do what his creator programmed him to do, but in his way.

4. In other words, Alberto was a tool to impress April. Don flaunts himself in front of her, stating how he did the upgrade while doing the upgrade, even though April is fully aware of his tech wizard. And his abilities supposed to help Cap O'Neil to finish the birthday party, so she will stay at her job, not fired. All thanks to Donnie and his upgrade Alberto. (Or not)

By the way, Donnie was the last to leave April in ruined "Alberto's". And it's not an isolated case, it is a pattern.

5. They understand each other without words.

First, Donny came at her at the speed of light. Second, she hadn't even finished speaking before Dee was taking Al apart. Third, their chaotic, well-coordinated work? Donnie was a distraction (although he wanted to just take a break from the battle or let Alberto's guard down, while April just knocked him out). Donnie and April are great team, and sometimes the DonniexApril team is much more precise, coordinated, and interdependent than the DonniexBrothers one.

D&A feel each other and anticipate each other's actions, their skills complement each other, creating an incredible synergy of their interaction. They act as a whole, while it's not always possible with his brothers, even though they're family and know each other the way more Donnie know April. And Dee hasn't trained with cap O'Neil.

Donatello didn't show his crush for April. No puppy, loving eyes, no lovey-dovey speeches, no planning schemes (at least, the audience don't see one) . He just want her attention, but stays cool and hidden. D is already her BFF, but still.

The same thing is claimed in 5B episode - Mascot Melee. Donnie has no problems with interaction with idol of his childhood - Atomic Lass. She'd put Leo in a stupor, but Donnie? He playfully challenges her to a dance duel. Yes, he adores this character, who may have become his measure of the attractiveness of others to Donatello, determined his type. But still, he's playing all cool and confident guy, he's really smooth with girls, so you will never see a puppy loving eyes from him. Only two things can betray him at this point: his voice and his body language. Remember, how's soft his voice became for Atomic Lass? Now I want you to remember the scene before, in turtle tank, when April sent guys a meme.

D is the first to respond to the message, despite the fact that Mikey is sitting closest to the screen. And the responding is a little too emotional for this situation, don't you think?

And this face of his. And he comments it. He likes her sense of humour.

The only difference between April and Atomic Lass is that the first one is a real girl who is a friend of their family, practically a member of it; and the other one is just a fictional character. It is easier to say about love for a fictional character, because it brings less problems for a teenager, especially when he is living with three brothers and a father who likes to tease as well. Donatello needs to be careful and outline the area of emotions he could show, so that he does not get hurt.

Now, dear passangers, we are returning to the previous episode, shall we?

Donnie presents to his brothers his precious Turtle tank, but she's gone, and it's really necessary to find out, who has taken her. And the first person to suspect is April.

Something is odd, don't you think? Yeah, Raphael has taken tyre for their "Midnight special", Leo claimed that Donnie's stuff is common, but they are D's beothers. It's natural for family to borrow(stole) stuff of each other. But this trend was not observed in April. She would never steal anything from Donnie, much less steal anything from him.

Actually, there is a good, logical and solid explanation here. April was number 1 in Donatello' suspect list, because he simply told her about Turtle tank. His brothers didn't know he were working at Moon buggy, except Mikey (Orange helps Dee get the vehicle from Repomantis), but they didn't know what exactly Donnie was working for. They didn't know he build the Turtle tank, he kept it a secret, to surprise his brothers. But April knew.

- Alright you! Where's our turtle tank?

- Hi, DONNIE. You have 9 seconds to say, why are you just broke my door.

- Someone's stole Donnie's turtle tank.

- Haha-ow, I see. As your best friend, you naturally suspect me.

- She gets it!

- Oh-ho, don't give me that! You're the only one could taken it!

The only one, because she knew about it.

As Splints said in this episode - "April is not a snitch"

Donatello does trust April and share with her both, sorrows and joys. But we are not shown this directly. We do not see the action itself, we do not see their calls and conversations on the phone late at night, we only see the consequence. We have no choice and take it as a given.

And the way she cooled him down? Fast, efficient, and Donnie seems to used to it. Moreover, she slapped everyone, but still, she throw Don out of window the last. However, why such a large time delay between him, being slapped and him, was throwing out of the window?

And my favourite scene. It was obvious that Donnie had taken the hardest hit (judging by his scream and the way he was putting his knuckles back in place). Don then claims that their inner circle is secure, Mikey tries to make amends for everyone, and April agrees, blowing them a kiss and closing the window. Cute and mean, isn't it? (You're cute! but mean! why do I always go for your type?! - ep. War and Pizza)

Nota bene: Donnie wouldn't apologize to April. Tough, not caring badass boy image, remember? Even to best friends. It's hard to him to express his feelings by using words, he cannot do it in proper way. But he has Mikey, who is so alike inner him. Michelangelo apologizes not only for himself, but for D mostly, because D starts suspected April.

Let's continue: the episode 8B: Hypno Part Deux

• Donnie put "Donnie's blocker" at April's phone to protect her.

It's common thing that your friend install some programs or apps on your device. But you will always ask your friend to do such a favour, and you will always know about what, when and where were installed on your phone.

And April didn't know Donnie had done something with her phone. It was a real surprise for her, to see blocker with "Donnie says no-no-no".

And you know, the interface of his app. The way he tell this current phrase. Donnie could put a huge banner "THE APP YOU WANT DOWNLOAD TO IS A REAL PIECE OF GARBAGE", as usual antiviruses do. But no, voice interface. It makes the app more personal and thoughtful. Because when Don made gifts for his brother, the program was voiced by a computer-generated female voice. Yes, the tank's interface is voiced by Donatello himself, but his voice sounds more like Google than the real Don. And, we talking about HIS BABEY, for a second. Bit still, the point remains.

• Also, Dale.

Dale is nerdy boy in purple, wow, how convenient for making a parallel with certain purple turtle.

But thing is, April doesn't like Dale. He's clingy, remora guy, who has a little obsession with April, even he's not harmful, still, such behaviour freaks girls (and not them only) out. Her classmate is usually tell her what April O'Neil is "his favourite person" and he loves her. There is little that is attractive about this behavior.

So, there is nothing new and unpredictable here that Dale was rejected. Because April didn't, doesn't and won't like him because of his lame personality and strange behaviour. Our girl in yellow do right thing: she clearly sets personal boundaries and does not allow any dubious personalities to invade them. So that's the reason she refuses to go on a date with him at the end. He's weird, obsessed, and she doesn't like him.

Donatello, as far as I concerned from different versions of TMNT, was always a little obsessive with some things. And, you know, putting a blocker inside your best friend's phone seems a little weird, because it's, in simple words, violation of privacy and personal space. And there are people who may regard this as stalking or sorta.

Yeah, for the most part, he gets away with it, not only because April's focus is in a different area, but also because their bond is stronger than April's with anyone else at school.

She has known him for years. Donnie is her best friend. I can't say that it's fine to her when Dee violates her personal space - her phone, but April can accept Donatello's personality in general.

And he does really have good intentions. Donnie installed this blocker, developed by himself only for one reason: to protect personal space April from fishy apps from nowhere, from being hacked and etc. Don knew her too well, how much she depends on stupid apps that will distract her. He also knew well, that he can't be with her 24/7 to fix problems with April's phone, so Dee put a part of himself to prevent any harm in the future.

And again, "Donnie's gifts"'s vibes. Donatello genuinely cared about April, because he wrote, coded, developed, designed, and dubbed it, turned on the database, and installed it all on April's phone. 'cause, you know, writing programs in general is a bit of a hassle, but writing an antivirus is much more difficult, because viruses are changing, and questionable applications are finding ways to bypass. Do you feel how much effort Dee put in for her?

But Donatello didn't mean to fix April, as he tried to do with his brothers. Purple turtle accepts this girl the way she is, and tries his best to play smoothly with April, by adjusting, not being passive aggressive jerk. It's his outstanding way to show his caring nature, soft side.

Remember, small but meaningful actions.

Maybe, Donnie also can foresee that April may be forced to download some suspicious program, but still, it work: he managed to prevent April being hypnotized, even if couldn't be physically with April at the this moment - Dee was working for Repo Mantis, building dog's paradise for Todd. That's why, by the way, Leo and Raph were dragged into this whole situation. Mayham would teleported literally anyone to help his hostess. Donnie just wasn't at the Lair at the moment.

And on this note, we'll take a break for now. Stay tuned, expect parsing of the series, there's a lot to discuss.

Part 2

Part 3

[zenmister]

Hey... I have to live with my parents for a couple of months and I truly do not feel at home or comfortable around them. It's giving me a lot of anxiety and I can't focus on my online classes. I can't accept that I'm in this situation because part of it was my decision. I hate this and I don't know how to deal with all the anxiety it's causing me. How can I make myself feel better until I can move out?

It can be tough moving back in with your parents after living on your own. Parents have a very natural way of pushing all of your emotional buttons. They were generally the ones who helped you install those buttons in the first place.

It really depends on who your parents are and what your relationship is to them to figure out the best way for you to work out your anxiety around them. There are things that do on your end ease your anxiety.

It is important to be aware of your boundaries and your parents boundaries so that you can create more harmony in your interactions. Your boundaries different than they were when you were younger, so you may have to find out where they are and let your parent’s know how to live around you without making you so anxious. Do your best to respect their boundaries too. Pay attention to where and when situations arise that make you anxious. As you recognize patterns you can strategize different interaction possibilities.

The other approach you can do with your anxiety is using mindfulness to work on your reactions to the various situations in the house. You can learn to help yourself relax whenever you find yourself getting tense. If you can learn to release anxiety and return to calm despite the stress of the situation, then you will find you can deal with anything in life. To relax in the face of stress, pay attention to your breathing and try to relax all the muscles in your chest, neck and throat. Don’t run lines of thoughts in your head to try to think through the stress, just pay attention to your breathing and watch it go from stressful breathing to calm breathing. Its ok if you get upset, but try not to stay upset.

When things seem really difficult, remember that you will soon be on your own again. Try to appreciate the opportunity that you have to have a place to stay and a place to focus on your education. If you can consistently calm yourself by dropping off your thoughts and focusing on relaxing and breathing you will build a new resilience that will be the best education you could hope for.

If you learn resilience away from your parents, your parents will always set you off. If you learn resilience around your parents you will be able to deal with anything. Good luck.

[writeawayjake]

Got a fun Flashback Chapter!!!

    Could this finally be it? He wondered. After months of following old legends and grasping at shadows, had they finally found it?

    The entrance sat, carved into a sheer rock face. The type of stone, a pale gray granite, marked it as a place sacred to dwarves. Faded runes worn away by the centuries and covered in lichen marked it as a place of ancient importance. He'd never learned the language of the dwarves, few men even could. Hell he'd barely learned to read his own.

    "Brock," Kayle asked, jaw slackened in awe. "Can you read it?"

    "Ahm afraid no' lad. Mah people haven't spoke thus dialect in ages. Ah could pick out maybe a word er two."

    "It's better than nothing. Go ahead."

    "Cair - caaair," he muttered under his breath.  "No KAR. Kar gorim. Ach, somethin' 'bout the morning. The one who finds tha mornin' I don't know. I told ya I cannae read tha bloody thing."

    Placing a hand on his shoulder Jared gave the old grumbler a reassuring look. 

    With a sigh, Kayle's face twisted in a frustrated frown. 

    "Well, no point in standing out here gawking all day. Let's go." Trudging toward the narrow opening Kayle's hulking frame took up the entire space. It was frankly surprising he was even able to get in at all. With some grunting and effort he eventually squeezed his way in. Once he was out of sight things became eerily quiet.

    The rest of them waited outside for a moment, holding their breath and waiting for something to break the silence. 

    Jared's eyes narrowed, muscles tensing, readying himself for what might come. He noticed Brock's grip on his axe tightening and Oren beginning to take an arrow from its quiver. Without even thinking he slowly shuffled himself between Nyah and the entrance to the cave.

   "Come little brother! Or are you afraid of the dark?" A voice echoed from within the ancient cavern. 

    "Jackass…" Jared muttered, relaxing his shoulders and unclenching his jaw. The others let out a relieved sigh as well.

    They all made for the entrance, having to enter single file. Oren let brock go first follower by Nyah. He motioned for Jared to enter,

    "Oh after you," He replied with an overly swishy gesture and posh accent.

    With a scoff and a smirk Oren entered the old temple, taking care that his bow didn't hit the walls. Jared took one last look outside before entering the dusty gloom, maybe it was an old habit of making sure he wasn't being followed, or maybe he was just trying to appreciate the sun and fresh air for what could be the last time. He honestly couldn't say.

    Letting a small sigh out through his nose he started after his comrades. After feeling his way along the walls for a moment and trying to follow the sounds ahead of him, his eyes finally adjusted to the darkness. They adjusted pretty well actually. Too well. His vision was good but never this good, plus it had never left a blue tinted to everything he saw. 

    Taking a closer look he saw millions of little blue lights wriggling along the ceiling and walls of the cavern. Glow worms, glow worms feeding on glowing blue lichen that clung to the stone bathing them in soft pale light. 

   Jared found himself wondering if that was how the ancient Dwarves had lit their caverns.

    "They're beautiful," he heard Nyah say awestruck. 

    Without his permission he felt a smile cross his face as he heard the wonderment in her voice. He found himself doing that a lot lately. For the first time in a long time he noticed himself feeling happy more often than not. 

    He was never quite sure how to define love, every persons definition seemed to be different. His mother had described it as a warmness that you felt all over, his father as a glow in your chest. Brock described in a long list of lewd metaphors usually regarding someone ending up with a black eye whereas Kayle said he didn't understand the question. Oren simply pondered the question a while before simply smiling and then holding his hand to his chest. 

   As far as he could tell, Jared felt all of those at once but something about it was so much more intense. He felt as if he'd burst into flames if he had to hold it in while also somehow feeling completely at peace around her. 

    Catching up he watched her gaze at the glowing edifice. The blue light glowing on her cheeks and leaving a twinkle in her eyes. He must have been wearing a rather stupid grin as she noticed him staring and chuckled, 

    "What?" 

    "Nothin." He said smiling.

    She nudged his shoulder sweetly as she took his hand in hers. Together they walked hand in hand towards the relic they'd been searching for for months. 

    All around them the glow worms illuminated ancient runes and glyphs, no doubt detailing the histories of mighty kings and epic battles, great feasts and famines. The whole saga of a bygone empire. But they weren't here for a history lesson, they'd come for the weapon. The weapon that could end all this awfulness.

    Every child grew up hearing stories of the legendary rune forged sword. Said to be so sharp you could cut yourself just thinking about it, so holy it could banish any evil, so strong a pissed off giant couldn't break it. The greatest work of the greatest smith's who had ever lived. It was a legend but so far nothing else anyone tried had worked on the Dark Lord. Pinning their hopes on legends seemed foolish but no one else was trying, so why not?

    Kayle led them down the winding corridors of the ancient temple. Eventually opened  into a massive vaulted chamber, towering pillars bearing the faces of revered ancestors circled a large rune covered plinth that supported an anvil the size of an ox. Topping the ancient rusted anvil was what they sought. The blade. 

    A modest bastard sword, it's blade buried in the steel work surface. Rather underwhelming for such a legendary weapon truth be told. Its hilt consisted of a black leather wrapped handle and simple steel fittings with complex yet unremarkable silver inlays.

    "That's it?" Kayle asked incredulously.

    "Maybe it's a test?" Brock mused, stroking his beard. 

    "Well. One way to find out I suppose." Making his way up a small set of stairs on the side of the plinth, he reached out for the sword. The moment Kayle placed his hand on the hilt a bright light flashed from its blade, nearly blinding them all. 

    After a moment of hard squinting they were able to finally notice that the light was coming from runes running along the length of the plinth.

    "Brooock." Kayle asked tentatively. "What's going on?"

    Straining to make out the runes Brock replied, "Something about the worth or worthy - Only the worthy." 

    Naturally assuming that meant him Kayle yanked on the sword, then tugged on it, then wrenched and heaved with all his might but to no avail. Veins in his neck showed as he strained to remove the ancient blade. His arms shook and his face went red yet it simply did not move. 

    This didn't make sense. Kayle was everything a hero was supposed to be, handsome, strong, charming (to most milk maids anyway), and an excellent swordsman. If anyone was worthy it had to be him. 

    "Is there anything else?" Nyah asked. "A password oooor a ritual?" 

    "Maybe you're s'possed to push." Jared quipped. 

    "By all means try your luck little brother." Kayle panted.

    "There's no way it'll budge for me. I'm probably the least worthy one here. Hell have Nyah try before you ask me to give it a go."

    "Ooooh no, yer not getting me involved in your dick measuring contest." She chuckled. 

    "Brock? Oren?" He asked. They both simply shrugged and gestured toward the anvil.

    Fuck it, might as well, he thought with a sigh.

Trudging up to the anvil Jared shook his head at the pointlessness of the scenario. He was a street tough - a dirty fighting, bread stealing, dock workers son. Not a hero, not a leader, and certainly not pure of heart. 

Making his way up the steps to the anvil, Jared took a breath before casually gripping the hilt. 

A surge of lightning shot through his arm and he recoiled in surprise. He simply stood there like a dumbass trying to blink things into making sense. Had it done that to Kayle? Was it normal for that to happen? 

“Well little brother? Did it bite you or something?”

That answered those questions but only created more. Was it because he was so unworthy that the sword was rejecting him? Realizing that standing there all day wouldn’t solve anything he decided to try again. 

For some reason he couldn’t explain he looked over to Nyah. Maybe he was worried the sword could kill him, maybe he was worried she’d think less of him if he failed, or maybe it was just for reassurance. 

Turning back to the sword, he reached his hand out yet again. Gripping the hilt with a bit more purpose this time, he felt the electric surge yet again, this time however, there wasn't any pain. It was more like a violent vibrating, like holding a hummingbird in your hand. The rapid tremors shook his arm to the point where he had to focus intensely just to pull. Despite his muscles not cooperating, the blade itself began to move, sliding from the anvil like a warm stone on ice. 

As the blade freed itself from the anvils tight embrace, a blinding white light filled the room. A second sun chasing away the dull blue of the glow worms. Blinding Jared and no doubt everyone else in the shrine. A long moment passed before the light began to fade to a humming glow. His vision finally returned, Jared could see an exquisite blade, bright and dark steel rippling in patterns like waves or woodgrain. A keen edge that showed no sign of age and a fuller covered in ensorcelled  runes that glowed with the same bluish hue of the worms. 

The violent hum in the handle had subsided and became something more akin to a slow and calm heartbeat. Starring dumbfounded, Jared couldn’t come to terms with what he was seeing - with what had happened. This was impossible. It couldn’t be happening - it shouldn’t be happening. 

            "I - I'm not a hero. I'm not - a hero. I'm…" he stammered, tears forming in his eyes.

[playeroneplayertwo]

I like the pictures for these two posts, but neither HORRIFIED nor WINGSPAN will appear on this two-part list. I would, however, fully endorse Horrified as an excellent gateway--and superior (!!) alternative to Pandemic.

NOTE: Part 1 can be found here--and apologies this took a lifetime to complete.

Harbour (2015) WTF is this OOP?; Complexity 2.09/5; BGG; Mechanisms: Worker Placement, Set Collection, Variable Player Powers

I already said that, for many, worker placement is the evergreen mechanic, so I figured I'd turn two entries on this list over to it. Where Coal Baron was a slight subversion of the genre, Harbour is not. This is the prototypical game in that you place a worker, do an action, and block a space. In Harbour, believe it or not, you're working in a... harbor. You, as a small gremlin-looking fellow visiting buildings to take actions, selling goods (cows, stone, wood, fish) in order to parlay those sales into purchasing new buildings in the harbor, thereby giving you new action spaces to do new cool stuff.

Harbour is a great entry into the inherently meaner side of worker placement because you only have one worker, so it's not quite as overwhelming as games where you start with a heap o' workers, but you can most certainly block action spaces. Not only that, but the market of the game is a simple system of fluctuating prices that are affected each time a player sells something. For a small box game, Harbour includes the idea of supply/demand, so things that aren't being sold to market are worth more, while things being sold constantly tank in value. Buildings have varied and interesting special abilities, and there are a lot of buildings that will come out into play during any given game, as well as a huge host of special abilities that players will start with, making the game play slightly asymmetrical.

With its worker placement, fluctuating market prices, buying/selling, and special abilities, Harbour is an excellent small box introduction to a plethora of Euro mechanics, and the fact that all of these interesting aspects are encapsulated in such a cleap, small box is remarkable. I will say, however, that of the six games on this list, Harbour is the game I'm least likely to play because I've grown past it as a gamer. I've seen this jokingly referred to as Tiny Epic Le Havre, which feels very on the nose. That being said, it does a remarkable job of introducing a handful of popular Euro mechanics, so if this game piques your interests, it has plenty of bigger, meatier siblings out there.

For a game that I haven't touched in a long while, Harbour is probably one of the best single small box game introductions to Euro mechanics I've played.

For those meat and potato worker placement fans (light to heavy): Lords of Waterdeep, Viticulture: Essential Edition, The Gallerist

If you enjoyed the market-based buying/selling/producing bits: Clans of Caledonia

Valley of the Kings (2014) Try it and get the deluxe edition; Complexity 2.19/5; BGG; Mechanisms: Card Drafting, Deck Building, Hand Management, Set Collection

It was inevitable that I include deck building on here. For me, deck building is like the junk food of mechanics. When I first encountered deck building, it was all I wanted to do. There is something driving and compulsive about it. You have the feeling that all you have are options, with infinite combos laid out at your feet. I wanted to try every theme and variation possible. For a little bit, the hobby seemed to be exploding with deck builders of all stripes, with variations popping up everywhere.

Things have cooled now, and it seems deck building has found a more comfortable passenger seat behind (or partnered alongside) other mechanics in mid+ weight Euros, and I think that pairing it with additional mechanics in bigger games actually brings the mechanic to life. Deck building is the idea that all players will start with a small deck of very basic and underpowered cards--generally consisting of cards of different currencies, like attack and some kind of purchasing currency--that you'll use to either buy or defeat other cards, adding them to your deck and thereby increasing the strength of purchasing or fighting, as well as the abilities available to you.

It's a simple idea, but boy is it like Pringles when you first play it. We have a lot of deck builders, and a bunch more that we've since parted ways with. The problem is that many feel a bit themeless and similar, begging the question: If you've played one deck builder, have you played them all?

I would argue no. That being said, if you've played one, you've played... most. Dominion, Marvel: Legendary, Star Realms, Aeon's End, Hero Realms, Nightfall, Paperback, Eminent Domain, Core Worlds, Ascension, Marvel Dicemasters (not deck but dice pool builder), Shadowrun: Crossfire/Dragonfire, and Thunderstone all feel pretty sorta similar. Granted, they each bring a little teeny bit of something different, but if you didn't like one of these, you probably won't like most/any of them.

Valley of the kings subverts a lot of the classic expectations of a deck builder. First of all, the market is spatially interesting. Not just a flat row of cards that randomly come out, these cards form a pyramid, and you're only able to purchase cards on the bottom row. For the first time, maybe it would behoove you not to buy a decent card on the bottom, because once you do, the card above it will "fall" down and become available to the next player. But maybe you should do it anyway, because there are plenty of cards that let you slightly manipulate the arrangement of the pyramid, anyway. More interesting than the pyramid, however, is the end game scoring. Most cards are not worth flat rate points, but rather points based on how many you were able to squirrel away. And by "squirrel away," I mean you'll literally need to start removing them from your deck, one at a time, and adding them to your "tomb" (errr, thematically-named scoring pile) in order to score. Great cards in your deck or hand at the end of the game are worth nothin'. Timing is everything. If you realize that the other player is burying way more cards than you and accelerating the speed of the game, you really need to get on your horse and get those cards into your tomb, otherwise you're going to be out a lot of points. But by removing the cards from your deck, you will become less powerful. So... when do you do it?

Tough choices are the queen in great games, and for a tiny box that is not expensive, this game packs a lot of difficult, interesting decisions.

For excellent straight-up deck builders to get you shufflin' everyday: Legendary Encounters: Alien and Arctic Scavengers

If you want a little bit of deck building in your slightly heavier Euros: Great Western Trail (most Alexander Pfister, really), Orléans (not deck, but pool building), Time of Crisis, Newton, Concordia, Founders of Gloomhaven, Undaunted: Normandy/North Africa

Welcome To... $20ish depending on the day; Complexity 1.82/5; BGG; Mechanisms: Roll & Write, Bingo, Pattern Building

Roll and write games are like the little subgenre that could. So small, so simple, and so popular. For the past few years, roll and writes have fought for a place at the table, and at this point, I think they've done it. Heck, they even have entries that are skewing heavier in weight (Welcome to Dino World). That being said, lightness permeates most roll and writes, and that's not a bad thing. Light doesn't necessarily translate to SLIGHT.

Roll and writes are games where players begin with the same, or very similar, starting sheets of paper, at which point some randomizing thingy like dice (see: roll and write) or cards are used to present variable restrictions or requirements that players must work on accomplishing. As you draw or write or fill-in boxes on your little paper, your sheet will begin to look quite different from everyone else's. At the end of the game, you'll calculate scores and the highest wins. Yay.

Roll and writes have a great tactile nature, which for some reason is easier to teach than more abstract ideas you'd find in an equally light game. Being able to draw routes or write down numbers or shade specific areas feels oddly familiar, which makes roll and write games very family friendly. They also generally have a small footprint, small box, and low price tag, without sacrificing replayability. We have a few roll and writes, and I can say that they all seem to have high replayability--if roll and writes are your thing. I've read plenty from people who don't seem to like roll and writes, but the myriad options that clever designers have managed to get into these tiny games are remarkable. In Railroad Ink, you will roll dice that show sections of track, and slowly you will draw tracks on tiny dry erase boards, working to score specific features before your turns run out. In the aforementioned Welcome to Dino World, you'll be building dinosaur pens, powering electric fences, building features for your park, and trying to prevent the dinos from busting out and devouring people your score.

But what about Welcome To...? This game is a small, card-driven roll and write where you flip three double-sided cards so you'll be showing a trio of pairs baring number on one side and a feature on the back of another card, forcing you to choose one and add it to your map of a minute subdivision. Your working to meet end game objectives for points, as well as build specific features, like parks, to make sure you have the best neighborhood around.

Welcome To... brings the simple gameplay and high replayability along with a charming theme and low price tag. I could always play Welcome To..., and it does everything without falling into a roll and write pitfall of being too vaguely mathy or themeless. We've played with family who have not moved beyond Scrabble, and they loved it. And we've played it more than our fair share at the end of the night with a cool adult beverage in hand.

Roll more and write more, too: The Cartographers, Railroad Ink, Silver & Gold, On Tour, Imperial Settlers: Roll and Write

I want something a smidge heavier than that Welcome To... game: Welcome to New Las Vegas!

If you just want a taste of this because it sounds a little juvenile: Get the app for Ganz Schon Clever, which technically may be my most played game ever considering how you just want to get a higher score. You can do better. No, you can do better! Play again! No, now!

***

SORRY this took so long to complete. The problem with taking a long time to write about some games is that now a handful are hard to get. Go figure. Check your local store, older games have plenty of life.

[neven-ebrez]

So a few random things: When you talked about how the potential and the possibilities hurt more for never knowing them, it reminded me of an episode in Doctor Who, which... I don't know if you watch that show or not so to be vague just in case, there was an episode that dealt with the power of possibilities. Not super relevant, but it reminded me of it. Also, I'm running out of room so I guess this'll be multiple messages. (Sorry, especially since I'm rambling.)

(2) Next, I know you said your intent isn’t to give hope, but honestly, so far it feels like a lot of meta is being confirmed. After the first episode there were all sorts of meta about how Dean was grieving Mary but Cas even more, and then how he was mirroring John who had a tough relationship with Sam after he learned Mary died protecting him, then negative space, etc.. And then we see Dean admitting his grief regarding Cas, and then this one had Sam telling Dean he was acting like John.

(3) Then, your meta had the Cosmic Entity telling Cas there was no chance, no hope of Dean loving him. But Cas persisted. He persisted his way out of the Empty by holding onto that tiny hope even knowing that possibility. You asked people whether they’re Sam or Dean in your tags, but what about being Cas then? Neither questioning the belief there’s a chance nor bitterly fearing there isn’t, but holding onto hope for the possibility even if there’s the chance it’d be subtext?

—-

I don’t watch Doctor Who.  I tried to watch it, starting with the Ninth Doctor but it was just a little too weird for me.  I like a certain structure, mystery and meaning to be behind the things I watch and I just couldn’t understand that show!  It just kinda felt like a mess. Nothing against those who like it, of course!

As for the rest, I’m trying to be honest here in how people are approaching what I write (because I’ve experienced more backlash than most meta writers due to the nature of the exact meta I write).  I’m writing meta towards my own view and in regards to my own hopes and expectations about the show (and its efforts, which may be intentional or not but if there’s a consistent PATTERN it’s more likely that its the former) and I’m definitely not to trying to convince anyone of anything, to try and make people have hope.  I’ve been down this road before.  

I’m not sure how long you been following me (sorry!) but I’ve been in the meta community for a long ass time.  I’ve witness the golden age of meta, the fall of meta (the exodus of so many meta writers who had many diverse specialties) and the rebirth of it (among people I don’t really know).  Now, what I specialize in writing, what I call “structural meta”, deals a lot with guessing what is going to happen by examining what narrative moves the show is doing and extrapolating what therefore, must happen eventually.  Some is obvious (God had to show up once Amara’s entire drive was to confront him) and some is not.  I’ll use this as an example: my meta on Supernatural’s structure through the years, written a day before the S13 premiere.  Excerpt:

A reason to live.  

This is what Castiel needs to be given once he comes back. Not just a reason to die, but a reason to not leave Dean.  Dean telling him he’s “family”, that he’s their “brother”, that Dean simple “needs” him… none of this has worked, has been enough to get Cas to stay.  The effective elimination of “guardian” saw Cas throwing himself into another guardianship role upon the rejection of the label by Dean.  For a long time now, Supernatural structure has been crafted around the parameters which would make Dean happy, condemning all actions by characters that go against this and helping Dean eliminate the roadblocks to his own happiness.  Mary and Cas made the wrong decisions to save Dean from pain and are thus punished by the narrative for such actions.  It is here, in Dabb era, that the Winchesters are finally made to contemplate the actions of others towards their survival and they are made to suffer for it, Dean more than Sam.  

This is the clarity of structural meta.  This is exactly what Castiel faced in 13x04.  If they were going to keep him on the show, it simply had to happen.  But I didn’t know how or where it was going to happen because you can’t predict pacing. Cas has been going on mission after mission TO DIE to keep trying to make up for his debt he feels towards Dean for going on the past 6 seasons .  He has kept trying to spare Dean pain (starting in 6x20), sacrificing his own kind in the blunder (and the guilt that came with that), over and over in new and more painful ways.  All of the “Cas’ greatest failures” flashbacks with the Empty highlight this.  This… “debt that can never be repaid” got so bad in S10 that I stopped shipping Destiel in show.  S11 didn’t get better honestly (with Cas saying “yes” to Lucifer), but at least the show was showing Dean realizing all this, worrying over Cas, so I felt okay shipping it again because Dean was wanting things to be okay for Cas.  And so through S12 we continued, with Cas still trying to clean up his mess with Lucifer, even if it killed him.  Everything peaked in 12x19, with Cas spelling out how he felt he needed to bring Dean a win, and then Dean understanding this motivation (even explaining it to Sam who seemed oblivious) for all of Cas’ actions.  Dean KNOWS Cas feels this insurmountable debt and, keeps trying to spare him doing things that could hurt him.  Dean also knows this is what Cas will continue to die for and it kills him in turn, because Dean CAN’T say (isn’t to that point, emotionally) what he doesn’t know Cas wants to hear (that Dean loves him as more than a brother). We can then tell that Dean is going to feel that guilt going into dealing with Cas’ death, because even though it’s Cas’ new mission (useless, right down to a truck full of useless diapers) with the nephilim that brought Cas to his death, Dean knows it’s really his “your our family but only like a brother” that truly sealed his fate.  It’s 9 years of history together and Dean still not making Cas feel like he belongs.  It’s the show highlighting this over and over again (every ”I’ll hold him off”, GOD).

Knowing all this, I can guess where the show is going to go even before the season starts, what simply must be addressed.  And I can be right because to me there’s only one way for it TO GO because of how they’ve tied Cas’ development so intimately with Dean’s.  It’s not fortune telling.  It’s me seeing that the show has pulled out two pans, some eggs, a box of cake mix, a mixer, and that they’ve definitely started mixing everything together to bake a cake.  I can tell what KIND of cake it is by looking at the box (all the structural points), but I can’t tell you what kind of icing they are going to use.  This is the limit of structural meta.  Now as for the type of icing… I can see a certain theme being repeated, specifically, “clarification”.  It’s all over 13x01 to a most alarming degree (Jack likes “it”, he likes “nougat”.  He’s on a chair, on the floor, on the planet Earth.  He’s looking for his father, he’s looking for Castiel. There’s more but you get the picture) and this episode was penned by showrunner Andrew Dabb to set the tone of the entire season (and then this theme has carried on into every proceeding episode).  As I said before, if it wasn’t for this specific theme against how Dean telling Cas, “You’re our family.  You’re our brother. I need you.” hasn’t made him feel like he belongs in 9 years, then I wouldn’t be even discussing the possibility of Destiel getting text again.  

A lot of structural effort is being put forth here, like, a fuckton.  I don’t know what other structural meta writers (I’m not even sure who in the community would call themselves such) are saying (you say a lot of meta is being confirmed and I don’t really know what this means because meta and speculation are different and I’m a stickler for what constitutes “meta”) because I’ve been apart from the community for years now and most of the people I used to write with (collaboratively) are simply GONE.  Comparisons of Dean to John are just kinda a given imo for a variety of Dean-related discussions.  That’s not what is telling.  The theme of “clarification” (and how Dean is being slowly crafted into being able to tell Cas something specific, something that resolves Cas’ developmental journey) is what is truly telling. The discussion of negative space is also old, like season 8 old.  The show is just putting a bigger emphasis on it now, but back then, just like now, that alone doesn’t really mean anything.  Alone none of these things mean much, but together, together they personally make me believe some kind of text is coming because of the specific picture they are painting.  

So, in answer to your final part.  I’m Sam.  I believe in the hope of something, but I know from being around Dean that I might be wrong, that everything might be for nothing.  I know so many people that are Dean, people that believe all hope is lost or foolish, that text is never coming.  The thing is tho, none of us actually *can* be Cas, because in my analogy, Cas is the writers, the narrative itself.  It is fighting to leave the narrative space, to hope against hope that a chance at love exists.  No, we can’t be Cas.  I’m afraid we can only be Sam or Dean.  I’ve recently decided to unfollow some Deans and it’s nothing personal.  I understand why they feel the need to tag everything “never gonna happen”.  For my personal relationship with the show, however, I have to eliminate that sentiment once it presents itself in a certain tone.  I’m fully aware text might not ever happen.  I personally don’t need the constant reminder.  It doesn’t change my mind, only the narrative can do that (and, in fact, has changed my mind plenty of times before).

The takeaway is this: yes, my meta has a hopeful tone (and you’ll often find it “right” due to its predictive patterned nature), but no, it’s not trying to convince you what you should believe.  I’ll always be compelled to write out the show’s effort here (regarding Destiel), especially when it’s as deeply layered as it is now, but I don’t want anyone hanging onto my every word, no matter how many times I’m right and to what degree.  Nothing I write is ever going to be able to tell you definitively that Destiel is going to get text.  I can only show you why there’s a good possibility, because as of right now, I believe there is.  I, more than any other meta writer, will tell you, please follow multiple opinions (and not the same echo chamber) if you truly care about using other opinions to decide your own hope for the possibility of text.  I’ve been here a long time and I’ve been on both sides of the discussion.  I’ve been hated for both and loved for both.  I’m not interested in anyone thinking I’m right about everything or that meta (especially my kind of meta) can somehow tell them the future.  The show can, and has, gone against its structure many times before.  And above all, Supernatural comes from a time when queer subtextual stories were perfectly fine to never get text.  It’s an old show.  It’s best never to forget that.