#i've been searching for this quote for a long time and i finally found it again

[ofshivelight]

“A tremor seizes our limbs; our nerves are struck, quiver like strings; our whole being bursts into shudders. But then a cry, wrested from our very core, fills the world around us, as if a mountain were suddenly about to place itself in front of us. It is one word: GOD. Not an emotion, a stir within us, but a power, a marvel beyond us, tearing the world apart. The word that means more than universe, more than eternity, holy, holy, holy; we cannot comprehend it. We only know it means infinitely more than we are able to echo. Staggered, embarrassed, we stammer and say: He, who is more than all there is, who speaks through the ineffable, whose question is more than our mind can answer; He to whom our life can be the spelling of an answer.”

— Man Is Not Alone, by Abraham Joshua Heschel

[consoledacup]

I have spent so long trying to feel less, trying to be the kind of man society expects me to be. And for a moment, I thought I had succeeded. But these past few weeks have been full of confounding feelings. Feelings like a total inability to stop thinking about you. About that kiss. Feelings like dreaming of you when I'm asleep, and in fact, preferring sleep because that is where I might find you. A feeling that is like torture, but one which I cannot, will not, do not want to give up.

–Colin Bridgerton, "Old Friends," Bridgerton

So the fact that I just typed all of that out by memory means that this is the best romantic declaration. As tender as Colin and Penelope's speeches to each other are at the Dankworth-Finch Ball and the Bridgerton study respectively, Colin's desperate plea quoted above is the passionate sound bite of the season.

And it is so in line with Colin's character. For anyone that had any doubts about how he was playing a role earlier this season, he explains it plainly. He said, I've done everything unnatural within me to finally try and fit in, and wouldn't you know, it worked! God, the fact that he was aware that he was forcing himself to feel less??

He says, you may have forgotten about that kiss, but I sure haven't. You've asked me to stay away to avoid more scandal, but you've never escaped my thoughts.

I think the line about seeking sleep because he can always find Penelope in his dreams is probably the most romantic thing I've ever heard. To me, it harkens back to what Colin said about Leander to Daphne when he was desperately wanting to talk to Marina:

"Leander swam Abydos to Sestos every single night in complete darkness just to see his love."

He believed himself in love with Marina then, but he was merely posturing about it. His pride was wounded and his savior complex was ignited.

But saying that he welcomed the darkness of sleep because he knew every single time he'd see Penelope in his dreams? That is some next-level yearning. And we're privy to one of those dreams, so we know his words are true.

Then he concludes with, these feelings are driving me mad and making me sick, but you'll have to pry them from my cold dead hands because they are now a part of me. I may have been trying to feel less before, but I refuse to feel less in this. Because as painful as they are, they are also real, and for the first time in my life, I have found that sense of meaning that I had been feverishly searching for.

He says this all to simply share how he feels. He's hoping that she at least somewhat reciprocates, but it's been tearing him apart to keep his feelings for her hidden. He knows that he could love her so ardently and worship her so reverently if she'd just let him. He is on his knees, begging for her to listen to him. It's high time that they're finally honest with each other, and he takes the first step with this perfect speech.

[sinha-ri]

House of Leaves easter eggs I've found in Ch II by Zampano

1. "The labours of men are genius, however erroneously directed, scarcely ever fail in ultimately turning to the solid advantage of mankind"

the beginning quote is actually from Frankenstein (I can't tell if its by the guy himself or someone else) to finally let the reader know he will go through with his creation. Because as horrific as it might be, his research will do nothing but benefit mankind in the end. I haven't read enough to fully know how this fits in, but it can be a reference to how the House is the creation of Frankenstein here.

2. The 10th footnote, footnoting a guy criticizing Navidson for being a fraud and jeopardizing his career over this film. The publisher of said article has "Eddie Hapax Press"

Hapax, if searched up, is actually Hapax Legomenon. The definition is "a word/expression that occurs only once within a context" usually referring to language or text. Essentially a word only exists in one single text, used one time. Its unsure what this can be a reference to yet, but my leading theory is it could be the house itself. The only thing is house is consistently used throughout the text, but there only exists 1 House and the Navidson Record doesn't exist outside of Zampano's essay. Not even his references. Hence this is Zampano's Hapax, something that only occurs in his text (again, i could be wrong but this is my leading theory so far)

3. Footnote 16, footnoting what Navidson is trying to preserve of Karen through film and that he truly didn't mean to be mean, references an article titled "Omens & Signs" which is published by Taema Essay Publications"

Taema is actually a god figure used in Samoan mythology and folklore. Taema was originally a conjoint twin, but while swimming away from their birth home, they were split in two. They soon learned tattooing. When coming home, Taema stayed with tattooing while her sister became the god of war. However, Taema's name originally belonged to a god who was the Goddess of War instead and seen as an omen for war. While there's no war going on here, it's still important to see Taema's name was seen as an omen. Furthermore, the tale of them being conjoint twins that went their separate paths is interesting and can be seen as reflecting Karen and Navidson. They're married, joint together, yet they are so separate as people and paths.

4. Footnote 18, aka Traunt's long ass rant, on page 16 has a major reveal, but I'm here to talk about when he's breaking down talking about Birds of Paradise, stating, "I mean we'd all be so lucky to wind up a punching bag and still found our creates full of Birds of Paradise. No such luck with this crate."

While birds of paradise can be taken literally to the actual birds, it also references a flower titled Bird of Paradise. You've most likely seen them if you're american (idk about other countries lol). they're those orange flowers that look like the head of a bird.

The meaning behind this bird, is actually "Joy". While Traunt was most likely talking about exotic birds to make him rich, it's a double meaning to joy. He wishes to find joy, something he believes is luck or to come sooner or later. But it's a great admission he isn't doing well.

5. Footnote 22, referencing how Navidson puts himself in a bad light in his own film of life, is shown to be published by "Ascencion Gerson"

Gerson is actually the name of a french school (? its only in french but i assume so) while Ascension is a reference to a painting of Jesus ascending, this being one of the top results when you google Ascension Gerson

It's almost comparing Navidson with Jesus, a humble person who doesn't belong in a negative light even if its of his own saying. Although this could be a stretch and complete coincidence LOL

There may have been more, but this all i found my first read through!! gonna be doing these for every chapter :3

[mythologyfolklore]

Dragon Tears - Chapter 01

(A/N: This fic was inspired by all the NeBing asks/incorrect quotes I've been getting in the past weeks, that have made me a NeBing shipper. I hope you like it! :)

Summary: Áo Bĭng informs his father, that he's getting married to Nézhā. Áo Guāng responds ... poorly. After over a week of searching for shelter with no idea where he's going, he finally comes across the Earthly home of Èrláng Shén, who reluctantly takes him in. Now Áo Bĭng has to deal with the fallout of being disowned by his own family, while also trying to get along with his future father-in-law, who isn't exactly known for handling unconventional marriages well.)

.

Chapter One: Unlikely shelter

.

Well, can't say I didn't see it coming, Áo Bĭng thought tiredly.

After a heated argument, Áo Guāng had kicked his third son out of the palace, which didn't come as too much of a surprise.

Áo Bĭng had known his father would be angry about him being gay and even more so about his son's attachment to Nézhā. Which was why it had taken him so long to confess his relationship with the Third Lotus Prince to his father in the first place.

Still he was distraught.

Why did it have to be like this? Why was his father's love so conditional? Why had his older brothers just stood by without interfering at all? How could his entire family turn against him so easily?

Now he knew how Áo Liè and Lóngnǚ had felt after being rejected by their family¹.

Except Áo Liè (now Bodhisattva Tiānlóng) and Lóngnǚ had their masters and fellow disciples. A found family that stood by them for better or worse. The blood of the covenant was indeed thicker than the water of the womb, Áo Bĭng supposed.

Áo Bĭng had nothing.

His uncles were just as hard-hearted as his father and wouldn't take him in. Guān Yīn had gone to attend lectures in the Western Heaven, as far as he knew; so she, his sister Lóngnǚ, Shàncái and Muzha wouldn't be home. And his cousin Tiānlóng had long turned his back on the Áo Family, wanting nothing more to do with them.

He had no friends; thanks to his reputation as a spoiled little prince (in reality he was so busy, that he had no time to learn how to interact with people normally, so he just followed his father's and brothers' example).

He had no master; Áo Guāng insisted on keeping all of his sons by his side, ever since Lóngnǚ had chosen to become a disciple of Guān Yīn (yes, he was still butthurt about that).

As it was right now, he had nowhere to go.

So here he was, aimlessly wandering the lands during typhoon season and trying to find some place to stay. Whether it was a cave or an abandoned house, Áo Bĭng didn't care. He couldn't afford to be picky right now. He had no idea where he was, nor where he was going or how long he'd been roaming. All he knew what that he was tired, hungry and alone.

After he didn't know how long, he finally spied a few dim lights through the rain.

What's that? Street lanterns? Houses? Please be houses!

Hurriedly he flew towards the lights.

Turned out it was a large Western style mansion with a huge garden and everything.

The gate was open, probably the homeowner was waiting for someone.

Áo Bĭng decided to try his luck, flew up to the front door of the house and used one of his front claws to carefully press the bell button.

Almost immediately, he heard the muffled sound of a dog barking, then someone trying to calm them down.

The Third Prince of the East Sea couldn't help but shiver in fear – he was frightened of dogs!

But the desperate need for a place to stay kept him from running away. He'd have to suck it up. Allegedly exposure therapy was very effective.

Then the door opened and Áo Bĭng's eyes widened.

There stood a tall man with very long black hair and black eyes, wearing a bandana and modern clothes. It was a man Áo Bĭng would never not recognise and also the last person he'd expected to see.

The man's eyes widened in shock. “Áo Bĭng?”

.

“So, are you going to explain to me, why you showed up at my house in the middle of the night?”, asked Èrláng Shén, after helping the dragon prince take human form and letting him inside.

Before Áo Bĭng could answer, the older god tossed him a large bath towel.

“Nevermind, explanations can wait. Dry yourself off first, because I'm not letting you drip all over my expensive carpet floor. Wait here, I'll get you some dry clothes.”

With that, he darted further into his home, while Áo Bĭng took off his upper layers of clothes, which for some reason were as soaked as his hair. Within less than five minutes, Èrláng returned with a colourful pyjama and a dressing gown and unceremoniously tossed them at him.

“Here. They may be too big, but they'll have to do for now”, he said gruffly. “Ground floor bathroom is in the corridor on the left, it's labelled, so you'll find it easily. Take a shower and change. I'll take those dirty wet rags of yours, when you're done.”

Dirty wet rags?!?

But the Third Prince swallowed his agitation and did as told.

Once cleaned up and dressed in warm and dry clothes, he had to admit, that the fluffy Pjs were much nicer than being cold and soggy.

.

A shower and a bowl of hot soup later, Áo Bĭng was sitting on a couch, clapsing a mug of tea, while Èrláng was sitting in the armchair at the other side of the table with an expectant look on his face.

“So”, he finally spoke. “About why you're here.”

Áo Bĭng admitted: “I actually didn't mean to come here on purpose. I just … I didn't know where I was, until you opened the door. I don't even know what time it is or how long I've been out.”

Èrláng pointed towards the wall to Áo Bĭng's right. There was a digital clock, a lunar calendar and a Gregorian calendar. Judging by those, it was 23:30. No wonder Áo Bĭng was so hungry and tired.

“As for why I was out … well … I finally told my father, that I'm dating Nézhā. He … didn't take it well.”

“He threw you out?”

“M-hm.”

“Just like this, with nowhere to turn to.”

“… Yeah. Didn't even give me time to pack clothes or money. I can't turn to my uncles, because they're just like him. Guān Yīn and my sister and friend might have taken me in, but they're on a pilgrimage to Thunderclap Monastery.” He folded his hands, pleading: “Zhēnjūn², I beseech you, have mercy! I know you disapprove of me and my relationship with your son, but I really have nowhere else to go!”

Èrláng looked shell-shocked.

He took a deep breath, before saying: “… You know, considering how he raised Heavens and Hells for you 3000 years ago, I thought Áo Guāng loves you more than that.”

Áo Bĭng nodded, sniffling. “I-I thought so too! I mean, I knew h-he'd be mad, but … I thought … I hoped …!”

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't-

A warm hand was placed on his shoulder and warmth seeped into his body down to the marrow.

Somewhere along the line, Èrláng had left his armchair and joined him on the couch.

The older god's face was sober, but there was compassion in his usually cold black eyes.

“Now now. Chin up, Dragon Prince!”, he spoke gently. “Put your mind at ease. You can stay here. I'll give you shelter, food and a warm bed and treat you as my guest – provided you behave and make yourself useful around the house, of course. At least until you find some other place or Áo Guāng gets his head out of his arse.”

Áo Bĭng couldn't help but choke back a sob, as he thanked the Celestial profusely.

.

---

.

1) Áo Liè (Bái Lóng Mă) is disowned by his family, after accidentally damaging his father's palace and a precious pearl gifted by the Jade Emperor - actually, he almost gets executed for it - later joins the JTTW team on their Pilgrimage and in the end becomes a Celestial Dragon of the Eight Classes of Supernatural Beings. As for Lóngnǚ, well, I couldn't actually find a source mentioning that she was disowned. But my Chinese fairy tale book does say, that Áo Guāng got really upset, when his baby girl was so taken by Bodhisattva Guān Yīn (after giving her a pearl as thanks for saving Áo Bĭng from being eaten by humans), that she decided to convert to Buddhism. 2) Zhēnjūn: True Monarch

[justabigoldnerd]

Year in Review: Favourite Lines

Thank you @anincompletelist for making this game and thank you @pippinoftheshire for sharing it with me!!!

RULES: feel free to share your top three/top five/however many favorite snippet(s)/line/quotes/paragraphs from your published fics (or wips!)

I have only written TMFU (2015) fanfiction this year, so I'm gonna post my favorite lines from every fic I've written this year! Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one 😅

"It Takes Three to Tango" - July 5th

But Solo couldn't give two shits about what up top had to say, even if it cost him his freedom. All that mattered was that Illya was safe. The thought him like a bullet to the stomach. All that mattered….was that Illya was safe. Oh. That can't be good.

"As Sharp and Serious as a Pistol in the Eye" - July 7th

He'd never been called beautiful before. Strong, inhuman, psychotic, skilled, a machine. He'd been called all of them. Maybe it was that. Maybe it was the anger in his eyes, or the heaviness in his shoulders. Maybe people were scared of him. Maybe it was the scar from his training that marked his temple. Whatever the reason, no one saw Illya as anything other than a monster. Then came along Napoleon Solo, who called him beautiful. And Gaby Teller, who wrestled with him without an ounce of fear. For the first time in his life, he felt like a person. A living, breathing human being with emotions and needs and wants.

"The Injury of Finally Knowing You" - July 12th

The pure rage on Illya's face as he pulled away to retrieve Rudi was spectacular. The fire that burned in his eyes could light up half of Europe. Solo thought maybe if he asked, Illya would do just that.

"A Rather Frightening Thing" - July 15th

"Illya, I know you don't like what I'm about to say, but it's not a bad thing," Solo took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in his throat. "You are more than capable of softness. Your teeth are sharp, but you don't use them. When I look at you, look at your hands…" he lifted Illya's hand and pressed their palms together, "I don't see the blood you claim they're stained with. I just see you."

"I Am Scard of Nothing" - July 15th

He looked towards the closed door. His fingers tapped out an attempt at a calming rhythm. At some point, the soft rustle of skin on fabric mutated into a violent knocking on the door that shook the tiny cottage. Illya drew his knees up to his chest and covered his ears with his palms, but that only made things worse. Shaking, he pulled the gun from his nightstand and silently moved towards the door. The knocking echoed in his head. He watched his trembling hand reach for the knob and turn, the scrape of metal on metal making him cringe. Whatever, whoever, was out there would certainly know he was about to open the door.

"Grounded and Giving and Darkening Scorn" - July 23

At six o'clock on the dot, Waverly knocked on their door with an expensive-looking bottle of champagne. Gaby welcomed him in and invited him to the kitchen, where dinner was almost ready. Illya hovered behind Solo with one hand on his waist, and the other trying desperately to steal a bite, only to be thwarted by the gentle whack of a wooden spoon (said spoon was the designated whacking spoon; Solo always practiced culinary etiquette).

"I'd Block The Sun (If You Want It Done" - August 4th

Lights flashed and flickered wildly. The whole vessel shook like an earthquake, and loud, screeching beeps sent pain scoring through his head. Through the dangling oxygen masks, Illya clawed his way to Gaby, clutching her to his chest. Disoriented, he searched for Solo, using the hand that wasn't desperately holding Gaby to keep his balance. Finally he found him, bracing himself against the wall of the plane. The cool, collected confidence Illya had gotten used to seeing was gone, replaced by a sheer terror that made Illya's heart stick in his throat. He stretched out his hand. If only I could reach him, I could hold him too. Solo's shaking hand shot out, but just as their fingers brushed, everything went black.

"The End Is All I Can See (And It Scares The Hell Out Of Me)" - August 8th

"Spending the night?" He managed to slur out, somehow avoiding the declaration of love floating on his tongue.

"All Eyes On Me (Your Eyes On Me)" - August 11th

"Patience is a virtue, my love. Sit, it'll be done soon." Patience. What a word. What an incredible thing to have the privilege to experience. Illya hoped he could spend the rest of his life with patience. Wouldn't that be something?

"In The Moonlight, We Let It Go" - August 12th

Illya had lost all the anger in his face. It was replaced by a mix of awe and love, like he couldn't believe Gaby was showing him affection so freely. The splotches of pink across their faces were beautifully pastel in the cold light of the pool, and organic silvery shapes rippled across their skin. Solo felt something inside of him click into place. This felt so right. It felt like home. They felt like home.

"I Want To Fade Away With You" - August 12th

"I told you they would do this," Gaby's annoyed voice came from their left. She marched through the fallen leaves, looking dashing in her tact gear, and glared down at them. "Get up, you melodramatic assholes. You're out."

"Lost On You" - August 19th

Dinner was lovely as always, but there was something particularly special about this one. It felt like a successfully smuggled painting. Or the glow he experienced after relieving some socialite of a diamond studded piece of jewelry. Like the last piece of a puzzle clicking into place, or a completed circuit of electricity, or, hell, going back to his days as an altar boy, it felt like the Holy fucking Trinity. Pride, and love, and devotion, and a silent promise to work on themselves and each other, together. Family, Solo realized that night, curled against Illya's chest, drifting away to the sound of his steady heartbeat and the brush of Gaby's arm against his own. It felt like family.

"Nothin' But The Water And The Sunrise Now" - August 22nd

Parking on the side of the road, Solo gathered the flowers and began the trek into the woods yet again. As he approached the house, he could almost feel himself shrinking down, his shoes filling the tiny footprints no longer visible in the mud. A voice in the back of his head, sounding suspiciously like a seven year old, begged him to turn around and forget about this place again. Not this time, Napoleon.

"Is That The Kinda Way To Face The Burning Heat?" - August 25th

There would be a lovely bruise where Illya's thumb dug into the soft skin there. Solo wouldn't mind if Illya bruised the rest of him. His lover might be a sadist, but Solo was finding that he was, himself, a masochist.

"The Moment I Knew I'd No Choice But To Love You" - August 27th

Sanders had his claws in Solo's neck just as deep as Oleg's in his own.

"All My Love And Terror Balanced There" - August 31st

"Of course," Solo nodded, "I may be a whore, but I'm not a creep."

"Will You Remember All The Danger We Came From?" - September 6th

"That," only Illya could figure out how to zip up a jacket threateningly, "Is what you were going to say."

"To Grow Old In Simplicity" - September 11th

"I'll outlive them. For a while. I feel so lucky that we were able to make it out together, to grow old in simplicity, but the end terrifies me. I can't…I don't think I can live without them."

"The Awful Things We Do To Make The Head Go Quiet" - September 24th

"Illya couldn't have picked a better night to die." At the beginning of the scene and "Illya couldn't have picked a better night for a walk." At the end of it. THE PARALLEL I was so proud of this one lol

"Whumptober 2023 - "The Man From Uncle (2015)"" - October

"You didn't like me, remember? It's just your inner communist talking. Come on, Peril, I don't want to mop up the puddle you'll turn into out here."

"One Deep Breath Out From The Sky" - November 11th

In his dreams, Illya was drowning again. The sky above him was pitch black, a void. Something tethered his leg to the ocean floor. As much as he kicked and thrashed and tread, the crests of the waves would send more water into his mouth and nose, burning with salinity. Any mouthful of air was stolen by the sea, but even when his breathing sounded like the crackling of a roaring fire, he still wouldn't die. A perpetual state of suffocation with all of the coughing and shivering and aching and none of the release.

""Q" Is For Kid" - November 17th

"C'mere," the shifting of fabric indicated Illya rolling to face him. Solo obeyed, letting Illya pull him into a sleepy kiss. "Can't sleep without you here," he confessed, eyes closed against the vulnerability.

"Surrender Yourself" - November 19th

"You think getting to know me would make you like me less?" Solo asks in that awful tone of patient confidence that always makes Illya's stomach do flips, amusement glittering in his eyes.

"Pretty Piece of Flesh" - November 21st

Illya worshiped him until he was whole again.

"Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love (Falling From You Drop By Drop)" - December 6th

It was self defense. It was self defense. It was self defense. It was a fucking watch.

"The Toil of Expectations" - December 15th

“Mamochka,” Illya smiled lovingly at her and dipped to kiss her cheek as well, “I have been grown up for quite some time.” “Bah,” she swatted the air, “Not to me.”

"A Christmas Peril" - December 25th

The three of them each sported a flush completely unrelated to the feelings stirring about, Gaby's dancing had turned to uncoordinated flailing, Illya's smiles and laughter came a little easier, and Solo's perfectly neutral American accent had begun to revert back to something vaguely New York flavored.

What a ride this year has been!!! Thank you for coming along with me!!! I love you all, happy holidays!!!!

[lutiaslayton]

So uh. Hi, I finally made a decision I probably should have made a long while ago thanks to talking a bit on Discord: for the sake of my sanity I will not be keeping up the weekly schedule after all 😔 Layton's Book Club updates WILL be posted exclusively on Saturdays at the decided time, instead of at any random time in the week, and I will likely make a few heads up when we're on a lucky week during which you'll get an update, but I will not force myself to make it happen every single week. Simply because at least right now, it is physically impossible for me to do so. (Chapter 1 Part 1 of Illusory Forest is going to be the end of me, and not just because I am still questioning if the author was under the influence of some Folsense gas while writing it.)

That being said, I believe this should actually be treated as good news, and not just good news for my personal health. Because, sure, the updates will not come out as often as I had originally planned to. But in the long run, I actually believe that since I no longer plan to force myself to only work on one thing (which has progressively been eating at my sanity on top of that because darn it this chapter is stupid and it just doesn't seem to END, + it'd be nice if I could finally get some content out that is my creation rather than somebody else's), it means that I will actually allow myself to post more diverse Layton stuff in the meantime.

Stuff like the Evan Barde post I made a few days ago, or other helpful-for-the-fandom stuff that isn't translation work, or… even maybe stuff like finally allowing myself to write SLS and draw random stuff again? Or even read other people’s fanfics and comics and AUs and stuff? (ok technically that last one would probably not lead to tumblr content but shush it means I would take time to look at YOUR content for a change)

The list of stuff I'd like to post in the future includes but is not limited to:

A tutorial on how I get my translation stuff done despite the fact that I do not actually speak Japanese. Best case scenario, this might even lead to some brave people among you to start helping me with this monumental task that is translating multiple novels and games from scratch while you're not even fluent in the language you're translating, and this would be a MASSIVE weight off my back. (spoiler alert: while I do use DeepL to check stuff and/or get inspiration, my work is NOT limited to simply copy/pasting sentences into it and then copy/pasting whatever it gives me back)

The Playthrough series! You had all forgotten about it, hadn't you? Yeah, me too.

Lore analysis stuff in general. I have a massive, absolutely insane project ongoing which is basically "Want to find some info about X? Just open that one (1) web page, enter a few tags such as a specific character's name or location, clich the Search button, and get a list of every single known fact which is related to all of your tags which is summarised down to the bare minimum fact, along with the exact source and quote directly taken from the source material."

Puzzle theory stuff. I've talked about it a lot, it'd be cool if I could finally get the stuff sorted and actually provide all the evidence supporting, refining or challenging it in one place. Above-mentioned lore analysis stuff should help with that.

More fancy shitpost such as the ones found in the #lutiasdraws tag. Let me join in on the fun pls it's good for my mental health to get some serotonin out of non-boring stuff. Heck, perhaps I might even do fanart/shitpost about some fanfics/AUs/others I find and enjoy.

That being said, I apologise to everyone who was hyped at the idea of Illusory Forest updating weekly, but I hope you'll still enjoy the stuff I'll be posting here. If not, blacklisting tags is a thing! I tag everything diligently so for example if you're tired of seeing me ramble about stuff (I do that a lot lately, sorry for that 😭), you can just block the #lutiastalks tag. Yes I finally decided to make #lutiasreplies exclusive to actually replying to asks or reblogs, and use #lutiastalks for random news stuff. yay to self-care and cleaning up my house, head, and tumblr blog.

[shpadoinkle-day]

hi again!! its 1st time cannibal the musical watcher again- i might start signing my asks or somethin cus i keep wanting to talk but like you're always sharing such obscure random stuff.. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE THING YOU'VE DISCOVERED OR FOUND?? specific quote of an interview or a particular photo you've found ???

hiii anon lovely to see you back! feel free to tag yourself if you prefer that way, but either way you're much appreciated 🥰

I have so much stuff I found (I'd say it more like... was lucky to run into while researching 😵‍💫) that I love, but to name a few...

"My lovely wife Matt Stone" aka Trey's BOM speech from Feb 25 2013 at the first west end preview. How I found this: So, sometimes when I'm bored I'll pick a random mattrey blog that's been active for a long time, open an old post from their archive, see if there's old inactive mattrey blogs in the notes, and look through their archive to see if there's any posts I could make resurface that had stopped circulating, right? The funny thing is I'll go on reblog sprees, so I actually hadn't listened to the audio when I reblogged it. I was only informed of what it said when I saw others freak out about it.

Daily Show with Craig Kilborn. Why it's my fav? Well, aside from being adorable and iconic, it landed my youtube channel in the lost media wiki! How I found it is actually quite easy, when you look up fansites on the web archive you can do specific search for the files the web archive has saved from it. Turns out sometimes quicktime files work! Four parts were in canniballovers and one in dtisfu if I remember correctly, I just edited them together and posted it. Still wish someone could find it in better quality though. 😔

I'm gonna list a bunch of pictures now... because there's many. 😭 But my absolute N1 is probably the Halloween Robert Smith Trey picture. How I found it is simple, just looking up random words on facebook. Probably "trey parker", nothing special. This and this from the Ron Jeremy website on the web archive, though I think maybe the second one had already been circulating I'm not exactly sure. Showgirl Halloween Trey. The kiss pictures. Pink haired Trey!! This NATPE (?) picture. These older Trey pics where he's serving absolute cunt. This Lapdance/Sundance (?) pic. And these too. This reverse cap one altho this was from twitter I don't think I was the first to come across it tbh. These three from the "A Million Laughs" fb page... Bowl hat... Trey with the blue umbrella full pic... tho I wouldn't say I "found it" only that I got to it first the day it was posted... Trey in the matching christmas pajama from 2018... I'm gonna stop but my heart is pretty big and I like all pics...

These measly 7 secs of SDCC footage only because of the first mattrey pic included because that pose from Trey is everythinggg.

This oscars clip because Trey does such a graceful hair flip 😭

Le Petit Package pics though all I did was waltz into the lost media thread and see they had been posted...

The forbidden mattrey slides which we may never see... these were all from worthpoint, which is just a website that archives past ebay bids.

Annual Diversity Awards for the Trey serve ofc.

And finally, I'm very partial to "Matt's a cock".

As to how I come across anything... it's lots of free time. Like I'm talking hours daily just picking a random lead and following it. It may be a website you think hasn't been thoroughly searched (I've tried fb, ig, twitter, worthpoint, ebay, wordpress, tripod, weebly, various fansites on webarchive, footage.net, bilibili/baidu, vimeo, dailymotion, flickr, a load of sketchy other websites I don't remember anymore... basically trey parker has brought me to places I wouldn't go with a gun...) a combination of words, a new search engine that may give u different results (I've tried the ones listed in the lost media wiki guide, my favorite is startpage). Using targeted searching like "word" or site:x "word" or "word combo" before:year, basically trying to make google your bitch. I also use gettyimages like a visual wiki of events Trey's been to+the date, it's quite useful... ik you didn't ask the "how" part but aaaa I like talking about it 😭 I have a lot of fun. Even though sometimes I just come up empty handed even after hours of research. More often than not tbh. Also I'm an obsessed weirdo who checks the words "trey parker" daily on twitter, tumblr, ig, fb, yt, web archive and ebay. 🫠

And also the concept of finding is weird because it has happened to me that I thought I had found something and then it actually had been circulating already, so I tried really hard to answer you by only listing stuff I was fairly sure hadn't been circulating before I got to it, but I mean... it doesn't really matter! I'm here to serve, I just like sharing whatever stuff I run into, it'll happen that it's new to me but it really isn't. 😵‍💫 I try...

I like this too also but I didn't find it, it was pretty available already fjdkg you know Jack Shih was at that dodgeball event?

Favorite funfact that I haven't had a chance to share yet, so now you know!

[ideas-on-paper]

Alright, I've finally finished my Tron marathon - and along the way, I came across this gem of a quote from Tron: Legacy:

"The thing about perfection is that it's unknowable. It's impossible but it's also right in front of us all the time." --Kevin Flynn

Once, a long time ago, I strived for perfection as well. I've been frantically searching for it, and if I didn't do something 100% correctly, I had failed in my mind - until at some point, I realized that all I was doing was simply destroying myself.

So, I stopped making perfection my ultimate goal and focused on achieving what I actually could achieve - and ironically, when I was no longer looking for perfection, I found it.

However, I came to the realization that perfection is something that can neither be planned nor constructed - rather, it's something that grows out of the situation naturally, without any way to predict it.

In addition, I discovered that there is no such thing as an objective definition of "perfection" - what means true, utter fulfillment to one person may be entirely meaningless to the other. Like so many things, perfection is a matter of perspective.

It took me a long time to understand this, and I certainly made a lot of mistakes along the way.

Flynn has undoubtedly made many mistakes as well (something that is depicted way more in depth in the comic Tron: Betrayal than in the movie), but the fact that he recognized this shows me that he has become mature and wise.

Perfection isn't something you can create with your own hands, no matter how much effort you put into it - it's something that you simply find along the way.

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

tagged by @howdydowdy <3 thankss!! i also don't watch a tonne of shows but i do watch a lot of films so i'm gonna do a combo of the two lol

8 shows/films to get to know me

borstal boy (2000(?) film) - watching this as a teen Changed me tbh... it also definitely gave me one of my first glimpses of a bisexual character on screen... also danny dyer plays a gay sailor in this i mean??? what more could you want lol (also feel like this film is equal parts depressing and hopeful which is my ideal kinda film lol)

the simpsons - i watched this religiously as a kid (every night at 6pm on channel 4 lol) so much so that my family makes jokes that everything i know i know from the simpsons lol...

would i lie to you? (uk panel show) - i feel like this show really explains a lot of my style of humour (i've literally nearly pissed myself whilst watching this show at times lol), plus i've had a crush on david mitchell for years which like no that isn't relevant to this list but i'm including it anyway... one of my fav clips is 'lee mack's keys' (give it a search on youtube it's hilar lol)

watership down (1970s animated film, i also love the book too btw) - the animation style of the very first part of this film has literally never left me, it's like ingrained onto my brain as the most incredible thing ever! the rest of the film is also amazing, albeit brutal at times which definitely fucked me up as a kid... esp that evil rabbit (wormwort?), pretty sure i was terrified of him lol

hook (1990s film (yes i know i could look up the exact date but i'm not gonna cos i'm lazy)) - this is one of the films that i know so many quotes from & me and my family use them to each other all the time lol (you're doing it peter! RUFIO RUFIO RU FI OHHHHH you're. afraid. you're. going. to. get. sucked. out. stop acting like a child!! i am a child!? RUN HOME JACK RUN HOME JACK wait...HOME RUN JACK HOME RUN JACK don't stop me smee don't stop me stop me smee stop me ... you get the picture lol) robin william's films just have a special place in my heart and this is one of the best imo

gayle (youtube comedy series) - it's embarrassing how much i think about this series & i literally rewatch it at least once every year so... i feel like that says a lot about me... idk WHAT exactly it says but it is.. it's a lot lol

i'm a cyborg but that's ok (2008(??) film) - if you asked me what my favourite park chanwook film is, you'd probs guess i'd pick the handmaiden, but you'd be so so so wrong, because THIS film is an absolute masterpiece that hasn't left me since my sister showed it to me like 10 years ago lol... it's about mental illness and stigma and grief and love and also rain (the singer) yodels in it whilst flying through the air it's great

labyrinth (1986 film (hey i actually remembered the date lol!) - i'm been thinking for ages what final thing to include and realised it had been staring me in the face: labyrinth, literally my favourite film of all time lol! it's equal amounts comedic, creepy, emotional, plus david bowie is there in ALL his glory (some may say too much glory but i'd tell them to shut their goddamn mouths lol)! the songs are amazing, the ballroom scene literally shaped who i am now.. it's a film about adolescence, siblings, it's about friendship and found family, it's about growing up but also keeping your childhood close at heart, should you need it... it's also about david bowie's bul- *gunshot*

that's all folks! i did try and not just include stuff that i'm nostalgic about, but unfortunately nostalgia is my middle name so most of these are things i've connected to for a very long time...

tagging (no pressure to actually do it ofc, the original prompt is 8 shows i think but you can essentially change it to 8 anything in my book lol): @dollopheadsandclotpoles @wovesaxe @micamicster @platypusplayhere @sylvasa @asoftspotforangels @zelvuska

[luciadiosa]

A better Peacock

Part 16: Dethroned

Masterlist

Silence. Oppressive silence in the garden full of beautiful flowers. You are wearing a pastel colored dress now. rose and pink. Appropriate to your status. He's standing there. hands behind the back. The gaze directed to the ground.

 "Say something." you break the silence but it was he who quoted you here. 

"I do not understand it." he begins. "Why did not you say anything?" The crown prince is looking at you. "

I wanted it. But...it was too late by then." you react quietly

 "When I kicked you out. Why not sooner?" 

you nod "Because you're right, there would be no future." You sigh and turn to the side. "My father let me de-throne. I've always been wilder. My lifestyle didn't suit the officials. They demanded my dismissal." You pause to let the words sink. "I left before the announcement."

Your eyes lock in the other ones till you look down.You clear your throat and turn away. "Then why did your aunt propose you as a candidate?" he now asked.

"Because she didn't know. She only found out from me later and then left me alone." Silence again. 

"That's what Eunuch Oh wanted to tell me. The dishonesty..."

"Was that I lied about my status." she interrupts him. "About my origins."  

Now you turn back to him. With tears in the eyes. "But you're right. It would be a shame to have a deposed princess by your side. I never wanted to be queen. Or princess. That was always preordained for my brother and too much of a burden for me. Fearing I wouldn't be enough anyway. In the meantime I could have had life if I had conformed." You laugh and then shrug a shoulder. It didn't matter. Nothing changed about the situation.

"It was my mistake that I developed feelings for you and also wanted to pursue them." Your eyes searched the ground.

"You're right, I dressed up to please you back then. I'm sorry that I took your feelings this far. I wanted to resist. But I didn't know how far longing, love, can take you ."

 The whole time the crown prince hadn't said anything. He let you talk and listened and never took his eyes off you. Ashamed that he sees you with tears on your face and so helpless, you turn away. After all the truth and without a wall, you feel naked and defeated. If only you had fallen in love with him. 

Go Won starts moving. Coming behind you, he stops and raises a hand. He wonders if he should put this on your shoulder. Or anywhere. His other hand clenched into a fist. But then he decides to do something else.

He spreads his arms and wraps them around you. Like a soft silk blanket, he wraps you in an embrace. His heart was pounding madly before he did it, but he has no regrets. Surprised when you feel his arms, you look at the hands in front of you.

They held you tight and you feel his head drop onto your shoulder. Without a word, you stay like that for seconds. Then, still confused, you turn to him without breaking the hug. He wouldn't have allowed that either. 

"Your Royal Highness..?"

 "Just...Go Won...."

Your eyes meet before he leans forward and puts his lips on yours. He has the velvetiest lips you know and they tasted like more. Go Won pulls you even closer, so you don't have a chance to escape from his strong arms. You give in and let yourself fall into the moment. You close your eyes and return the kiss, which is like salvation from a nightmare. Sweet and full of devotion. 

Before the kisses got too intense, he broke away from you and laid his forehead on yours. Followed by his hand which he puts on your cheek. "Thanks..." You look at him questioningly. "For what?" "For loving me for myself. A crow trying to be a peacock." he explains to you and you smile. 

"Why don't you send me away like last time?" Finally he pulls away from you and takes your hand to walk a few steps with you. "I can't tell you that yet. But...there's a lot going on and I don't know where exactly it's leading.It must be good to have you by my side. No matter how."

[griffin-wood]

lil trinkets and new beginnings. daniel and nelly.

prompt: charming (@ockissweek )!

a/n: another late entry for ockiss sobs, but this time ty @sosolenoo for lending Nelly again for this <3 I hope you enjoy this and I did her justice hehe.

"So, are you ready for the opening of the new store today?" Leo asked, with the drumstick sticking out of his ear.

"It's another store, what's different about it?" Daniel smiles as he dusted the newer release records in front.

"I'm just checking on you, like I always do. Remember the first store?" Leo wiggles his eyebrows, as Dan sighs at the reminder.

"You won't let this go right."

"I won't, brother's scout lil Dan." Leo smiles before taking his drumsticks as he drumming against the empty shelves.

"I hope you won't scare my customers off today Leo."

"Well, it's not me if I don't." He winks before checking the time.

"I have to go, say hello to Nelly for me. And I'll be back just right after the opening alright?"

"I will, and you should." Daniel says, as he waves Leo off.

As soon as Leo disappears from his view, a blonde clad human appears.

"good morning sunshine." Daniel greeted her happily, as Nelly steps in the store.

"Good morning, and happy opening!" She says excitedly, as Dan leans forward to place a kiss on her cheek.

"So, how's everything going ?"

"Leo came by to help, and he said hi by the way. But, I think we're done. Opening starts in a few, wanna stick by today?"

Nelly looks around, she's been giving him and Leo some design ideas as the way to make this store feels more homey than before.

"Well, the first appointment is done for the day. And, the other one apparently got cancelled. So, I'll stick by the whole day." Nelly says with a wide grin, as Dan smiles back.

He looks at his watch, and says.

"It's opening time."

-

"Okay, that's a pretty sweet opening." Leo says as the final customer left the store, after buying some classics from them. Leo has been a good promoter too, as Nelly helps with the register while Dan, himself talksand chats up with the customers.

"We did it!" Dan begins to jump and pull Leo and Nelly both into an embrace. His child like spirit makes both of them smile, before pulling away.

"I knew you could, and thank you as well Nelly for being there for my brother here."

"Of course, it was fun to see it happen with how much we have planned."

Leo smiles, before excusing himself to get back home. It's been a long day for the three of them, yet Daniel and Nelly decide to stay over for the closing.

Nelly founds herself fiddling with the records, searching some of her favorites. She turn around at the sound of the door, where Daniel just brought take-out for them both. Something they've been doing since they are together. A routine that they didn't break, and enjoyed.

"I got us something very good."

"It does smell wonderful, I'll pop up the music and we'll eat."

"Thank you sunshine." He says as they both set up to eat, and talk about how today's events went.

-

And after they done, they continue to dust up the rest of the records. Only, for Daniel to called Nelly out.

"Hey, look at what I found!"

She raises an eyebrow at the particular record in hand. Her mouth leave a surprised gasp at the record he was holding. It's one of their self-creation records. Self-creation which includes experimentation of the couple record.

"I thought it was lost among the other destroyed records." The surprised tone couldn't be missed.

"I...me to actually. But, after cleaning the old store with Leo the other day. I found it hidden within a box of my dad's old kept records, and I've been listening to it." He says smiling as he rereads the back of the record cover.

'These tunes were the best combination of happiness,joyous occasion of love for both nelly and daniel' - the rolling stone. He quoted and unquote it, as Nelly smiles remembering how they plan on what will the rolling stone would say about their taste of music. It's a mixed of everything surprising them both from time to time, but she still couldn't believe it still hasn't been lost in time.

"I remember that, I was wondering about this the other day. Where did it go, and here you are holding it." She glances over the record in his hands, before he turns to look at her.

"Hey, I think you should hold onto it this time. It's something apart of me and apart of you too. Plus, you've been helpful along this whole process. You deserve a good momento for it all." He grins her way, as she held onto it. Smiling despite it was a bit dusty, she'll manage it.

She place the records down, and pull him by the collar. Her lips meeting his, as his hands were on the side of her face, cupping it. The kiss lasted just for a moment, as they both pull away.

"What did I do to deserve that sunshine?"

"Well." She didn't say it, because he already knows. He ticks all the criteria off her list, charming, kind, sweet, everything good in him.

"You're you."

He lets out a laugh, before smiling back nodding in thanks to her.

"Now, let's listen to this. it's fun to walk onto memory lane together. Shall we?"

"We shall, lets do it."

-

They both end the day together, by reminiscing over the tunes that brings them together. Something they once created together, and with how stronger they are.

"You, me and music. A match made in heaven." He says, as the first song begins to play filling their ears with nostalgia once again.

The end.

[brre-som]

THE HALLWAY

It was such a long long time since my last post in this app.

I had a Tumblr in 2012-2014, I totally forgot about it but, my sister came to my place today, and we were searching for our old Skyblog (a french blog platform used by 90's baby's in the early 2000) I couldn't find mine so I decided to search for my Tumblr and I found it.

It was really strange to see it... Especially with the fact that this times was though times for me (I think, for the most of us actually). It was my sad girl/ anorexia/ depress teenager era. I never realized before, how sad I was but I finally did! By scrolling, reading the tags and of course trying to interpret each images that my adult eyes and past photographer and cinema student is now able to read

So I thought it will be a good idea to describe to you how I felt while scrolling down those dark pages.

First thought: I was laughing at my old profile picture, I was light blonde with big round sunglasses and an oversize Boy London shirt that I was wearing as a dress. A real Tumblr sad girl (but a bit hipster). I started scrolling and a picture of an unknown man wearing tattoos appears, in black and white.

I thinked: such a Fuck boy, with this attitude. The exact same than my ex .... Anyway it's kinda funny how immature I was to be attracted to this kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about style I'm really talking about the attitude.

I keeped scrolling and it was almost only this type of posts. It was all black in white. I first thought it was for the overall aesthetic. I was just hyping myself by saying to my sister "I always was addicted to tattoos and body transformation"

Second thought: as I was going down it became quite sadder. black and white pictures are still everywhere, quotes about how our lives make no sense, how wobbly our place on society is. Lot of cigarettes pics and se*x ones... Like if I was trying to make it look edgy. I used to be a heavy smoker since my 14yo (I recently stopped) but I never really liked nude photography. I was raised in a bashful family, we don't trust in any God, it was just our old mindset. I used to see se*x as something dirty, shameful, almost like a sin. This kind of images really make me uncomfortable when I watch them... But now that I'm a grown woman I understand the beauty behind it and even the artistic choices. I can enjoy it even if it's still a bit uncomfortable for me. I feel like am a real stalker watching these vulnerable people.

I thinked: was I matrixed by my nymphomaniac ex or was I just trying to fit somewhere between the rebel mind of a teenager and the beginning of the adulthood. And this nicotine addiction... Disturbing.

Third thoughts: I keep diving deeper and deeper, and all I can see is Anna, everywhere, lost and surrounded by sadness. Heavy sadness. Hashtags were saying "too fat", "too big", "not enough". Between them, the figure of the Joker facing the Batman was everywhere. It was literally the future me watching the tumblr me. Hoping to deliver something with the need to break it before.

I thinked: I was so fascinated by this fictional tandem, but I never understood why it fascinated me before, during those times. But I think that My young brain knew that everything that can rise from demolition always rise stronger and better but I couldn't admit it, so I was sharing it like subliminal messages to my own self: You destroy yourself to the maximum, so you can wash it away easier later. Like a deep spring cleaning.

It wasn't a weakness. I'm sensitive and empathetic but I've never been weak. Those hard time was just the crysalis to the caterpillar. Everyone got their own healing process, some are tough and drowns the most fragile souls into the inferno like an unpassable test. Some are easier but can never bring a real value to your own evolution.

At the end this Tumblr used to show my journey, healing from my relationship with the anorexia and that toxic ex boyfriend (what a wonderful duo) in an abstract way, using images instead of words so only myself could understand the deepest secret that my mind was hiding from my beloved family and friends.

Picture by brre_som

[infernal-general]

Requiem for a flame.

Despite the destruction the General dished out, the army stood alert; too good for it to be over just in a day. Word finally reached her that imp was requesting a word with her because, to quote 'she was the one to express his thanks to'. A spark of curiosity and she descended immediately to the imp- who turned out to be a father of a barely one year old boy.

“The Hellguard did their best by defending the front until I could evacuate. They deserve the recognition as well, if not more.” the General tried to hit her kindest voice

"Yes yes, but they weren't the ones who saved my son" the man waved, cradling the child close

"Some of the feather bastard's men got through and when I was cornered, about to be stabbed as I shielded my son, a boy from a burnt tower shot them." the father recounted, his words unknowingly weighing a ton

"He was glowing and I lived enough years here to know he's your soldier. I could escape with my boy, so I wanted to thank you for protecting us and when the boy returns, tell him I would gladly share a drink with him." He finished with a fond smile and it took tremendous pressure from Marcell's hand to stop her from shaking

“Where-” a thick swallow “where did that happen?”

"Somewhere east, close to the front. Tell him he's welcome anytime!" the father departed upon a nod and directions to the Hotel for long term shelter

"Tábornok-" (General)

“Megyek. Azonnal.” (I'm going. Right now.) She cut her off with a growl, immediately marching through the space she personally reduced to nothing.

"Mélyen az ellenséges területen-" (It's deep in the enemy frontier)

“Leszarom. Meghalnak, mint a többi.” (I don't give a fuck. They will die like the others.) They knew this tone. Knew how a decision was already made and even if they literally stood in her way, she still would do it. So a small group joined instead of trying to convince her.

Destruction of cosmic, holy and hellish forces sunk their claws every corner no matter where they turned. At last it was Mariska who spotted a tower that could've been chosen as hideout. It was relatively far from the active warfare, had already been struck and the top of it gave perfect view to the battlefield.

“JANCSI!!!” the General called with worry; the door was off the hinges before their arrival.

No reply came. She refused to give up the flickering light of hope.

“Kutassatok át mindent! Minden lyukat, rést, padlást, lépcsőt!” (Search everything! Every nook, cranny, attic and staircase!) She tried, oh she tried to not let panic grip her heart and cloud her judgment. She lifted parts of the roof which has had fallen; nothing. Lifted twice her weight as if it was nothing in her frenzy.

"Találtam valamit." (I've found something.) Mariska called from upstairs, yet her voice was too solemn

"Mit?" (What?) Béla had to ask as Rozália was already scaling the stairs in a crimson blur

"...Hamut." (Ashes.) came the reply

The General came to a halt on the top of the stairs; it couldn't be. Tremors shook her body, refusing to meet Mariska's gesture downwards, until the gleam hit her eye. The blessed rifle she had given him with an ash hand still wrapped around the grip.

Rozália fell with an inhuman cry, hellfire tears searing through the already burnt floor.

The argument whenever it was him or not barely registered; but there's no reason for ashes to be at that specific part of the floor! It's the rifle he was given! The hand reaching it was the only part remained intact, not just random ashes. The theory they came up with while trying and failing to hold back sobs was that he blew his cover by helping the father and child escape, the remaining of that group came up and killed him.

"Na mi van a savanyú képekkel? Ezért loholtam háromszor oda-vissza?" (What's with the sad faces? Is that why I ran three times back and forth?) Ferenc arrived after he's been told where the General had departed

"Jancsi...meghalt." (Jancsi...is dead.) It was Marcell who had to say it, echoed by her guttural howl of loss

"Az...az nem lehet." (That...that cannot be.) He deflected with a small laugh, no way he was dead

"Ugyan, hisz még van egy esküvő a láthatáron, ahol leissza magát a sárga földig és mindenki engem hibáztat érte!" (Come on, there's a wedding on the horizon where he gets blackout drunk and everyone will blame me!) He tried again with humor, unable to bear what the others had accepted as fact...until he peered over the General's trembling shoulders

"Nem. Nem...tegnap mesélte, hogy a fizetésemelés miatt végre meg tudja venni a kristálylótuszt a lánynak, akinek udvarol hogy bizonyítsa nem issza el a pénzét." (No. It cannot...he was telling me yesterday that from the raised salary he can finally buy that crystal lotus for the girl he was courting, to prove he isn't drinking his money away.) Tears started falling from his eyes as well without even noticing

"Ez ő. Nagyon jó lövész-" (This is him. He's a great marksman-) Mariska swallowed "Nagyon jó lövész volt. Én is ezt a helyet választottam volna. Ahogy Striker is." (He was a great marksman. I would've chosen this place as well. Striker would've too.)

The mention of her fiance, the possibility that there was a chance of finding his body instead broke her torn soul even further along with hearing his plans before she...she sent him here.

"Tudom...de hamarosan meg kell hogy jelenj az emberek előtt." (I know...but soon you have to make appearance in front of the people.) Marcell has joined her on the floor wrapping a taller woman into a loose hold

“LESZAROM A JELENÉSEKET! Megöltek valaki a családomból!! Egy GYEREKET, akiért én feleltem!!!” (I don't give a fuck about appearances! Somebody has been killed from my family!! A CHILD, whom I was responsible for!) Rozália cried, bestial yet broken as she clutched the rifle to her chest

"Úgy halt, ahogy akart. Hősiesen. Mások, ártatlanok életét mentve." (He died like he wanted. Heroically. Saving the lives of others, innocents.) A quiet hum of understanding washed over the weeping group before silence befallen again. Until Rozália managed to stand.

“Megvesszük a kristálylótuszt szíve hölgyének. A megemelt fizetését eljuttatjuk az apának és gyerekének, akikért életét áldozta. Ő is így akarná.” (We will buy the crystal lotus for his lady of heart. The father and son whom he had protected with his life will receive his increased salary. He would want this the same way.) Rozália spoke, nods of agreement at her words

“Én...visszaviszem a fegyvert a tulajdonosának. A temetésről később döntünk.” (I...will return the weapon to its owner. We will decide later about his burial.)

The soldiers exited the seemingly unremarkable building, now bearing a hellfire burnt cross. There were still small groups alive between the vast open and the hellfire defense line, unaware of the lethal terror of wrath and grief about to hunt them down without mercy.

[onewomancitadel]

I wanted to write out a poetic notation of Hallelujah and an example of Solas invoking Hallelujah. I don't know who was the progenitor of this theory; it's been common knowledge long enough to have disseminated fully into the fandom, but I first remember a post linking to @/corseque's original. I am merely a passing interloper.

This took too long. I'm not doing all of his dialogue but I've been searching high and low for something like this. So far I've found posts which compare Solas' dialogue side by side with Hallelujah without notation, or something like Dumped, Drunk and Dalish, who cites a Dreamwidth post by zeitheist which demonstrates what metre Hallelujah should be in:

I think a lot of people recognized that his speech was metered and assumed it was iambic pentameter because that's just the primary sort of metered speech a person who doesn't read a lot of poetry hears [...] er, anyway, my point is, I keep seeing the iambic pentameter thing all over the internet, even though the standard verse structure of Hallelujah is iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb amphibrach iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb iamb amphibrach

They seem to have some sort of academic background in poetry, which I don't - but they didn't write out a notation, and tl;dr Hallelujah is not this neat and Solas seemingly quotes it beyond verse (but it is good, the amphibrach I have not seen mentioned elsewhere). I agree the ongoing issue in the fandom is assuming 'poetic speech = iambic pentametre' - that is, the metre of a line is five iambs - which gets even more confusing because Solas' speech slips into iambic feet... just not all of the time.

I am using the first verse throughout this analysis, but if you notate the entire song you'll find it varies just as much as this (sort of) iambic metre does already; e.g. 'it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah' does not mimic 'the baffled king's' earlier line. This is down to its musical execution as well. This argues for its overwhelming elasticity, and hopefully my greater thesis, lol. What 'Hallelujah cadence' really means could indeed depend on the verse... but I'm going to assume that the beginning of Solas' dialogue follows the beginning of the song.

fig. 1

The problem is that I needed to figure out what version it was Weekes' used, where I discovered there's a significant difference across Cohen, Buckley and K. D. Lang's versions: Lang reduces two syllables across two lines, which disrupts this analysis. So I had to do it again:

fig. 2

The first and fifth line are changed so that they register neatly as iambic tetrameter; however, the change isn't issued to the fourth line ('Well'), so I don't know that the intention was to make it fit iambic tetrametre properly. Technically speaking, the 'Well/Now' and the 'and' which were both omitted are disruptive to the register - yet this sort of interjection gives the song a particular conversational flavour, so it's not an equal exchange.

You'll notice, though, that Solas' fourth line doesn't fit the nine syllable pattern; it's eight. This is in part, again, because of 'Well' - which doesn't fit his speech patterns. Then you have something like the third line:

fig. 3

It hits the first three iambic feet neatly, but then 'civilisations' is a real problem: civilisations. An iamb is unstressed-stressed, but 'civilisations' hits stressed-unstressed-unstressed-stressed-unstressed, where the first stressed and then third unstressed syllable break the metre.

I've seen analysis of the Hallelujah cadence (chiefly by @/corseque) which views it through fitting the syllables, but I don't think this is sufficient to make a comparison to Hallelujah (even if intended, I would think that it fails)

fig. 4 (this is @/corseque's, not my own, I got it through Nitter)

it ends up being form-fitting and I think negates the poetic aspect of invoking Hallelujah - but most importantly, Solas breaks the syllabic mirror anyway - the final line above in fig. 4, and the penultimate line in fig. 2. I am not comparing all of his dialogue lines, but I am sure that somebody with a few more hours to spare could find them and notate them. The enjambment issue, we'll get to later - but you can see it in full-force here, since an actual word needs to be split up to fit. That being said, I think it is a good attempt to try to understand how Hallelujah figures into Solas' speech. I don't want to come off overly negative here!

The one thing I haven't seen quite articulated is that poetic register isn't the same thing as musical register, meaning it's fairly elastic. I'm not musically trained either, so I can't really comment on this aspect, but the rhythm of music doesn't really translate neatly into speech because it is governed by different rules of timing and rhythm independent of language; so says my IRL friend, 'assignment of syllables to rhythmic beats in a musical context doesn't always map to poetic stress assignment'. Where Solas technically breaks the Hallelujah pattern at 'I'm just curious...'. it can still fit in the space of the song... except does that mean people 'hear' it as Hallelujah?

The impetus for this post is that I kept seeing a lot of confusion over it, even confusion myself (not helped by the fact that poetic metre can be really imprecise), because I did hear iambic tetrametre ('I lay in dark and dreaming sleep' - four iambic feet). And then I saw refutations against that. And then I kept seeing 'Hallelujah cadence'. And then I kept seeing 'iambic pentametre'. And then. And then.

Takeaways:

Sometimes he hits iambic feet and sometimes he doesn't, because the original Hallelujah is not necessarily following that. My musically trained best friend is telling me there's a key difference between the forms - Solas' speech is not set to music, for one, but this makes translating it back difficult.

I'm not sure that it was written with a formal system in mind, which means I think that it resists formalised notation, much to my consternation, lending to ultimate ambiguity. However, this is interesting in looking at how poetic register is interacted with in a folk-ish manner - just look at how people understand poetic speech to automatically mean iambic pentametre - and how poetic register is reflected within naturalistic speech (and vice versa)! People can 'hear' something is going on with him. That being said, add in the fact that the voice actor performing Solas' lines is going to be injecting it with his own rhythm, it starts to get messy quickly.

"I've journeyed deep into the Fade," is notated above to fit iambic tetrametre, but in actuality it's delivered more like this

fig. 5

when you listen to his dialogue, which I suspect may even be because he is reading it in the whole sentence structure, without musical or poetic enjambments - and it is simply a naturalistic rhythm that the VA seems to assume for Solas - there's a bit of a drumbeat to the way he talks independent of the poetic feet inserted. I suspect that this is partly because of the Welsh accent as well.

This leads me to my third point: the enjambments inserted by analysts and likely Solas' writer alike make the Hallelujah-like cadence feel... not wrong, but I don't think it's right. It's very obvious when he's hitting those iambs and I am not going to ignore the fact that clearly something musical is being played with - whether that is Hallelujah is actually another question to me. But the trouble I'm really having is that the way Solas actually speaks - the way his dialogue is structured and delivered - has to be chopped up to make it form-fit. My point with the above line is to demonstrate the fact that at a sentence-level and voice actor-level, the form is disrupted.

To go back to my favourite Solas line... I thought about it some more, because the fuller context of I lay in dark and dreaming sleep, is: I lay in dark and dreaming sleep while countless wars and ages passed. Technically speaking, if we can read this first line enjambed as iambic tetrametre - does that actually translate to dialogue? Because as a full line, we are hitting iambic feet, again, but it's iambic octametre read as a full line, that is, the way it's delivered! It's not Hallelujah.

I said wasn't going to notate all his dialogue, but oops, I did it again:

fig. 6

(Note: I angsted about 'before I joined you'; I think that it is intended that 'you' is unstressed, but this line registers as awkward to me and like 'you' is stressed because of 'joined's syllabic timing here. I always remember it as 'before I met you', which I think would be more natural and fit the poetic register better. In listening to Solas' dialogue again, it is delivered as unstressed).

I'm following the way DDD enjambed the lines, where the assumption seems to be that because we encounter trochees (stressed-unstressed) to 'hallelujah' sung by itself, the last two sentences must be metrically divided up this way. But it doesn't sound naturalistic; it's not how the line is delivered, and then it finishes with a stressed syllable anyway.

Of course, I think this is where you start getting into the artistic weeds: the shock of Solas' proclamation that this world may have to die for his goals mirrors the breakage of the poetic register. Potentially, where a specific effect is desired, the form is diverted. This was maybe my most interesting takeaway, honestly.

But I am not sure of Weekes' process - did they analyse it by feet? Are they familiar with poetic register and how that can conflict with musical register? (this is a topic I struggle with myself). Did they write the dialogue with enjambments, and then refitted it into traditional lines of dialogue, and was this fully communicated to the voice actor, and then did the voice actor consciously perform with it in mind, etc. (the lattermost of these I would say is 'no'; nowhere does Solas' speaking feel naturally enjambed and this is my biggest problem with the overall approach to his dialogue).

These are all questions I have about the process and that I can't really find answers to. I hear 'iambic pentametre' repeated by the team a lot. 'Iambic pentametre' - the best point made by zeitheist quoted earlier - is shorthand for 'poetic register', or some sort of sing-song effect. There's something going on when Solas talks about the Fade, and when he talks about knowledge of the old world - this thing that makes him otherworldly, sounding like he was transported elsewhere. That's really all we care about - what effect that is on his character - and for a lot of people, the conflict of faith in the song is meaningful for to his ultimate character arc. A god struggling with faith?

But I really wanted to actually see how it all holds because there's so much ambiguity surrounding the topic... and I got really annoyed at somebody insisting it was iambic pentametre, and I got annoyed with myself for assuming it was just iambic tetrametre (when I could hear it) and potentially iambic hexametre (it's not), and then I was interested in how the poetic conventions bled into actual speech, because I think it's one of the smartest ideas ever (to convey characterisation through poetic form!) and so on and so forth.

What does this mean for listening to future dialogue? As far as I know, Weekes can 'naturally' write to the Hallelujah cadence. I have no real clue what that means or what their version of the cadence means (for instance, the syllable patterning doesn't follow Hallelujah exactly, nor does its feet). But given the fact Solas is in full Dread Wolf mode - that is, he's at his most otherworldly - I expect that there will be poetic register injected into his speech inspired by Hallelujah. It's just not that strict. I don't think syllabic analysis is where you can infer that it is Hallelujah, though, but then again the musical register is not confluent with poetic register, and Solas sometimes slips into a poetic register which mimics aspects of Hallelujah.

I took over four hours researching and writing this post. I may have got some of it wrong because I'm a noob, and also keep in mind that poetic notation can be fairly lax. Like in fig. 5, Solas' actual speech doesn't follow the iambic feet as I've notated it, so your interpretation may vary. But the answer I am at least happy with is that it's not iambic pentametre, it's not a syllabic fitting, it is intended by Solas' writter to be inspired by Hallelujah, and sometimes it follows poetic form which may or may not be Hallelujah. Easy!!

[mygainyear2024]

Day 31 Carvoeira - the little Santorini of Portugal (but first, side tracked by a pay it forward Mumma moment...)

Rosie and I planned a trip to Carvoeira today to include a long walk. We decided to head off around lunch time, when the weather got a bit warmer, Uber/Bolt there, see the sites, eat lunch and then take that long walk. I was hopeful we'd get as far as Ferragudo (about one hour 40) as I've had on my list the Dom Rodrigo gelato recommended by the tile painting teacher. I walked to Rosie's apartment, running late as I was down a rabbit hole finding a day trip to Tavira, close to the Spanish border (where I wanted to drive to after Rio Formosa Natural Park, but that seemed a little too far for me).

While I'm waiting for Rosie, and looking up ride share prices, I was mildly distracted by some yelling. I thought it was a mother yelling at a child. She moved on, then I saw another woman looking lost. She was being oggled by old dudes walking past, I think it was her skimpy bikini and crocheted see through dress. She then disappeared and the first woman walks past Rosie and I looking lost too and on the phone sounding frustrated (trying to find her accommodation), she bursts into tears. Well, a mother/social worker and a great grandmother/life coach couldn't help themselves. We are right in there. "Are you ok?" "No, I've got my period and I'm lost and (more tears)" So long story short, the two friends just arrived from the UK into Faro, caught a taxi from Faro airport (about an hour) for this huge music festival (DnB Allstars) that is on this weekend and they were dropped off at an address and couldn't get in. They continued to ring the owner of the apartment and he kept telling them it wasn't the right place. They both had oversized suitcases for the week, and cheap ones, which were scraping on the ground and toppling over from the uneven distribution of the goods inside. Exactly what I have done in the past, several times over! At one point I did say to the second young woman, with very good intentions, maybe you could ask Mum and Dad to buy you a better suitcase for Christmas!

It took us over one hour to find Condominio Oásis Mar lote 2, bloco B, 1B! And in the end it was a 5 minute walk from Rosie's apartment, we went to the wrong building according to my own google search, then to lote 1 and all those blocos and then walked up the hill and around. We finally found the place. The one they had originally been taken to. They'd gotten through the front gates with the code, found bloco B, but instead of 1B, they were on Ground B!!

We gave them a lot of hugs, strongly suggested they settle in and go get some drinks and make up. I used a Ben Crowe quote on each of them, something like "what's the kindest interpretation you can have of your friend right now"!

After all that, we ended up back at Rosie's apartment for a loo stop, in the Bolt and on our way. What Rosie didn't realise until she got back to her apartment after 7pm was that she'd locked herself out! She was so exhausted, sat in the hallway and waited over 30 minutes for someone to let her in. I did offer to go sit with her or have her come back to my apartment with the lure of rosé. I think she'll be glad to see me depart on Sunday. She keeps saying don't you ever stop LOL!

Carvoeira seemed like a great spot. Lots of restaurants, shops, white washed buildings, sheltered beach - except it was bloody cold today.

We were so hungry by the time we got there, we headed to one of the two spots I'd sourced, Earth Shop & Café. I really liked the food, but the service was super slow. This late in the day all we could manage was to browse some shops, do the short boardwalk, take respite at a cool bar for more drinks and Bolt back.

With about an hour to go before sunset, I decided to head off to the beach to see what was happening crowd wise and concert wise. No concert space has been set up yet and the beach was pretty deserted. Stay tuned.

[siouiseaweed]

ruminating on learning and death

[hopefully not as morbid as the title presents! i just had a Thought today and i want to document it in a form that is more polished than a journal entry but less polished than an essay]

"the day we stop learning is the day we die."

i read a book series when I was younger about nicholas flamel by the author michael scott (real guy, not the office character) and in one of the six or so books, scott wrote the quote above. i fell in love with it and quoted it all the time (my parents hated it and thought it was too morbid for me to be saying as a fourth grader). it was the first time that i can remember being impacted by something someone else said. for better or for worse, i think this quote is what led me to place value in my identity as a student.

anyway, i searched the quote today because i was curious if i'd been getting it right. it turns out i have been right–i haven't misremembered a single word. it also turns out though that the author wasn't necessarily the first one to say those words. apparently, einstein is attributed to having said something very similar. his quote was:

"when you stop learning you start dying."

full disclaimer: i have no clue if einstein actually said that. what is interesting to me is not the fact that it's something einstein said, but the fact that it's my favorite quote parading around in someone else's mouth. it's the essence of the thing i've been thinking about for most of my remembered life, and it turns out that what i've been quoting is someone's regurgitation of a particular sentiment about learning and living.

i can't help but feel a little bit devastated because "when you stop learning you start dying" has similar diction, syntax and meaning to "the day we stop learning is the day we die," but is not the same thing. i had always interpreted the scott quote in a very literal sense, thinking of it as an idea that being human is learning, and that the only thing that can prevent you from learning something new is death itself. "you learn something new everyday" was the idea i'd paired this with. i thought it was impossible to exist in a day and not learn some sort of lesson. good or bad, you are forced through a lesson via the things that happen to you and the things you take in. even on my worst days, unable to do more than lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, i would learn something. maybe not something about how the world works or how other people work, but something about myself, about my thought processes, about how exhausting living can be, about what is worth leaving bed for on bad days and what isn't. even if i couldn't/wouldn't specifically articulate what i'd learned, i had still learned something.

but i don't think that this sentiment can be found within the einstein quote. the einstein quote implies that learning is an intentional action, is something you set out to do, is something that you take an active part in. it implies that you choose to learn, that gaining information is not an act that washes over you like a wave, but something you need to equip yourself with scuba gear and fins to plunge yourself into. it's the idea that not trying to learn something is the first true step towards death.

it's a really ominous change in wording to me. i can't help but read it and think that it is possible to die long before the final push of air from your lungs. it feels hopeless to me, it feels as though it's possible to be alive and not be fully human (i think the scott quote gives me the impression that learning is what makes us human, so it makes me think that the einstein quote implies some sort of less-than-human aspect to being alive and not learning). i read the einstein quote, and i am less afraid of death and more afraid of watching myself die.

all the same, it's possible that this is a reading you can have of the first quote. had i read that first quote today, would i react to it in the same way i reacted to the einstein quote just now? is there actually a difference in the meaning of these two quotes, or am i seeing a difference in meaning where there is actually just a difference in my worldview at the time of my readings?