#i've just remembered what part 4 is and i'm like :D :D :D :D :D

[egophiliac]

So part four of book 7 is coming out soon in English, and I'm really excited because that means I can finally go read your comics about it! It's one of my favorite parts of getting new parts of the game because Then I don't have to worry about spoilers lol

YESSSSSS sink further into episode 7 hell with me! I have saved you a seat right over here and have all the reactions lined up and waiting for you. >:D

also, I swear I mean this in a good way, for some reason this is exactly what popped into my head

I live but to serve 🤵

[loveswrites]

Hey bestie, how you have been? Hope is good! Anyway, i really L O V E D your poly Volturi things, i was wondering if you take requests here goes one...

Ok, listen, fem!reader x poly volturi one where the reader is in her period, like I'm in mine and reading this i was wondering how they will react like smelling the blood all the time... i will love to see the way you work on this, but just if your comfortable.

So is this, take care of yourself and hope you have a great day! (and sorry for the bad English :)

Red Sea Poly Volturi x reader

Time it took me: 4 hours along with a cupcake bake in the middle and then part of the next day which was today so i'd say 8 hours

Word count: 2884

To Coraline: Hello Lovely! I've been doing a little bit better thank you so much for asking! I loved this req seeing as I am on mine as well I felt that it was a perfect time to write it and I guess that's what pushed me to write it so quickly! But I don't think I really did what you asked for? I don't know I always just get the vibes that I don't truly listen to you guys when you req something, I always do something like it lmao. Let me know how you liked it thou! Ps. Your English was lovely!

Love <3

Poly Volturi x reader

Turning a corner you let out a long sigh. Currently you were walking around the castle just going around in circles indecisive on who you wanted to spend time with and who you wanted to ask for some.. Things.  You had woken up today to your punishment for simply being a woman. Your period. The reason you were walking around and not just lying in bed like you normally would is because this is your first time having your period in a castle full of vampires. Your period was very irregular so even though it had been a few months since your mates had found you, you’ve never bled around them before. 

You were nervous to see how they would react to it. You thought about asking Jane for some pads but then you remembered that she doesn’t have a period. And she’s probably never had one in her life to begin with. You thought about asking Felix but you felt that he would just make fun of you or tease you. Which was something you didn’t want to deal with right now. If someone teased you about something you couldn’t control you feel like you’d just snap. 

Asking Alec was just a plain no. You knew he’d just stare at you in confusion like what the hell do you mean your bleeding? With Caius you didn’t want to bother him as he was busy with trails right now with the other kings. Plus you’d have a feeling he’d want to paint with it. He has this infatuation with the way dark red blood looks. And you didn’t want him to paint a mural out of your blood for you. Though you're sure it would be gorgeous, he never disappoints you with his paintings.  

The only one that was left was Demtri. Your gentleman out of all your mates. Now you would ask him because you know he wouldn’t tease you or ask some weird request once you got what you needed but that still didn’t stop you from avoiding him also. 

So when you woke up this morning with the red sea between your legs you rushed to the bathroom and took a shower. Covering yourself in scents you’d only use if it was your last day on earth. Spraying yourself in the most expensive perfume that you could find. God do your mates love to spoil you or what? This one bottle of perfume you knew for a fact was a thousand dollars and yet they still said “It was nothing.” For once you were grateful that your room was on the far side of the castle away from all the other vampires including your mates.

You had picked this room purely based on the views that came with it. Your balcony was facing the ocean side of the castle. You could fall asleep to the sounds of the ocean waves crashing against the rocks. And you could watch the horizon where the moon and the sun would meet everyday, each rise and set of the moon and sun was always better than the last. That was what you loved about this castle. And that was what you loved about your wing of it. It was your small piece of the fortress and no one could take that away from you. Your love’s made sure of it. 

Taking the silk sheets off your bed you did your best to scrub them clean but of course there was still a stain. You tossed them into the hamper and made a mental note to ask the maid to come get it later for you. You placed new sheets on your bed. You changed your makeshift pad that was made of tissue then you were off to pace the halls to grow some balls.  

You wore your robes that matched all the vamps that were with the volturi, hood up and all in attempts to hide your identity. 

It didn’t work. 

You were convinced that everyone in the castle knew your scent by hard because every vampire that passed, rather they were walking normally or vamping away, they would pause in their tracks and make sure to bow to you. Though it was completely unnecessary, you loved how it made you feel. The power that you hold as just a human brung so much pride to you. The 3 kings and your mates always would tell you to own it and so you did. 

You tried hiding in the shadows when you knew that someone was coming. Pushing yourself against the walls, even turning your whole body like you were just put into time out. You knew you looked like a dumbass but that wasn’t the point nor your problem right now. All you knew was that you didn’t want to face any more people than necessary. 

Finally after what felt like hours you finally made it to the receptionist desk. You were thankful that she was even there. She was always off doing something she had no business doing. You were surprised that she hadn’t gotten herself killed yet. But today you were grateful for that. 

“What can I do to help you?” She asked, putting on a voice that you could tell was supposed to be charming. It was not.

Pulling your hood off she immediately stood from her chair but quickly dropped down to bow. 

“My queen, Is there anything I can do to assist you? Master Caius is out feeding with the others. Would you like me to retrieve him?” She asked, speaking softly. 

Respect was a big thing with the kings if someone showed you any signs of disrespect you never saw or heard from them again. So it was understandable as to why she switched up so fast. 

“No, I was wondering if you had any… You know.. Tampons or pads? Anything honestly.” You said rushing it out. But still trying to keep it low.

“Oh! Don’t you have any of that stuff? They practically treat you like royalty.” She laughed with a roll of her eyes. 

That pissed you off. She’s always had a problem with you and you’ve always kept your mouth shut but today that wasn’t how you were feeling.

“Because I am. Now if you don’t like it or respect it I have no problem having this conversion with the kings. I'm sure they would love to hear about this.” You said in a stern voice, sending her a glare. Her eyes widened, you never threatened anyone, you’ve never had to. It was always done for you if it needed to be done. 

She got up and quickly left, hoping she went to get you something, anything at this point. You could feel that your makeshift pad is not working. 

“Till we hear about what, Amore mio?” You heard behind you making you jump and turn around. When you did you were faced by the three kings themselves. You found yourself sort of stung in place. Your plan was to come get some pads and I don’t know, hide until it all went away? Horrible plan but it worked in your head. This was not a part of your plan.

“Umm nothing I was justt..” You dragged out shifting your eyes between the three. 

Aro was staring at you with his wide curious eyes. Marcus looked at you with soft knowing eyes, he always knew when things were wrong with you. And caius looked at you with narrowed eyes.

“Are you hiding something from us?” Caius questioned stepping closer to you. You felt your heart skip a beat. They heard it of course. 

“Caius can you go away?” You asked, covering your face with the palm of your hands.

“Why would I go away? Are you trying to run away?!” Cauis yelled out, making you frown.

“Caius..” Marcus sighed out. There was no doubt that Cauis’s biggest fear was you leaving him and him never being able to find you. It broke your heart that he felt he wasn’t truely loveable.

“I swear you're bipolar.” You said taking your hands off your face just in time to see the receptionist with a brown bag in her hand. When you saw this you grabbed it from her and ran as fast as you could. 

“I wanna be alone right now! No one bother me, pass the message along!” When you turned your head to see if they were behind you they weren't even there. Seeing this you stopped running and caught your breath leaning on a wall. You swear you need to work out more. Or hell even walk more, but what's the point when you can have Felix carry you everywhere? 

Since you were down here on this side of the castle you thought why not stop and get some snacks? So that’s what you did. Big mistake.

Walking into the kitchen you saw Demetri and Felix and immediately turned around hoping that they didn’t see you.

“Bellissima?” Dem said softly, making you turn around.

“Yes?” You said, just as softly.

“Are you alright?” He said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes of course! Why wouldn’t I be?” You said shifting from side to side slightly cringing.

“What’s that sme-” Before Felix could even finish his sentence you dashed out of that kitchen and you ran. You ran straight to your room and you didn’t stop for anything or anybody. Your one mission was to get to your room and stay there. 

Once you got to your room you ran straight to the bathroom and turned the shower on. You didn’t even allow yourself to think about how embarrassingly long it took you to get to this point. You never paid attention to how many people or how many vampires live in this castle until you felt like fresh bait to them. You let yourself relax feeling the hot water hit your back. You allowed it to wash away the mixed emotions you had. 

Once you got out you did your normal hygiene routine and you felt better. You felt ready to rot in a ball for the next week. Opening your bathroom door you stopped in your tracks when you saw all of your mates standing in front of you.

“Hi..?” You said after a minute passed and no words were spoken.

“Why are you acting so strange?” Alec was the first to speak.

“How could I have been acting strange? I haven't even seen you today!” You yelled out holding onto your towel tighter. 

“Yes you have, you’ve seen us both when you were cowering into the ‘shadows’.” Jane said plainly.

“You walked right past us like you didn’t even know who we were!” Alec yelled.

“Don’t yell at me!” You yelled back at him frowning.

“Why not?! If I don’t yell you might walk right past me again!”

“Just cause I walked past you doesn’t mean you can yell at me!”

“I can do whatever-” 

“Where not going to solve this yelling at her!” Dem yelled, cutting Alec off.

“Anyone wanna talk to her and not yell at her?!” He yelled looking at the rest of your mates. 

While he eyes weren’t on you you felt your eyes water and you couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down your face. The moment you sniffled you caught everyone's attention.

“You made her cry!” Alec yelled glaring at Demetri.

“I didn’t do a damn thing!” Dem yelled back at Alec.

That started a yelling war between Alec and Dem which only made you cry harder. It was frustrating. 

“Can someone tell me what that smell is!” Felix yelled out in his own frustration. As he had been sniffing everything like a damn dog since you’ve seen him. 

“It’s me! It’s me okay? I’m fucking bleeding I’m on my period okay?! That’s why I’ve been acting weird all day it’s embarrassing and I needed some pads but I didn’t have any and I knew that none of you did and I didn’t wanna ask so I didn’t and you guess kept popping up in places that you didn’t belong and-”

“You smell good.” Felix said, making you stop immediately.

“What?” You questioned.

“Yeah you smell sweeter but at the same time dull. It’s something I’ve never smelt before. It makes my mouth water.” Felix said, staring at you with slightly darker red eyes.

“I agree.” Cauis said, looking you up and down with greedy eyes. 

“She doesn’t smell like that to me, she smells like a softer scent of her normal self.” Dem said now looking at you with a strange expression on his face.

“She smells like something that I can’t explain but it’s pleasant.” Jane said as Alec agreed with her.

“I smell good?” You questioned with your voice cracking slightly.

“You always smell good. Are you seriously telling us that this is the reason that you’ve been avoiding us? That’s a foolish reason.” Cauis said.

“I’ll go gather some stuff you’ll need.” Jane said and before you could say anything of hell even blind she was gone. 

“I’ve read a whole book about menstrual cycles before-” Felix started.

“You can read?” Alec scoffed, dodging the book Felix threw at him in reflex.

“We're gonna take good care of you, I promise.” Felix said as he appeared at your side and settled you on your bed softly. 

“Master Caius, can you lay down? As much as I don’t like to admit it, you're her favorite to lay on when she’s in pain.” He asked, even though Cauis wanted to respond to Felix's statement he kept his mouth shut for your sake.

Cauis pulled you into him as he laid down and you felt yourself relax immediately. While you felt it they could hear it. 

“I’m in my towel this is not a reliable form of protection if you catch my drift?” You said to your mates hinting at the fact that you’d like to get dressed.

“You think I care if you bleed on me Amore mio?” Caius questioned in a dull tone as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“Yes I do.” You said as a matter of fact. This sent your mates into a tumble of laughter. While you looked dumbfounded they just shook their heads.

“Sometimes I think you forget what we are.” Dem said looking at you with a soft smirk on his face.

“We eat your kind for breakfast, lunch and dinner and yet you think we are put off by a little drop of blood. That is foolish.” Cauis said, shaking his head pulling you closer to him. 

“Now relax until Jane gets back.” Felix said leaving no room for argument.

With this being said you watched as your mates took their places in your room. Alec sat in a chair that was next to your bed grabbing a book to read. Felix turned on your tv that they had installed and began flipping through the channels. And dem was busy closing all of your curtains so that the room was dark for you. You felt loved by the smallest things that they were doing. Even if it didn’t benefit you, you felt at peace with your loves just in the same place as you. 

As you close your eyes Cauis begins stroking your hair sending a small shiver down your spine due to his cold finger tips. 

“If you just let us change you you wouldn’t have to go through this pointless pain.” Cauis said, making you shake your head.

“I show one sign of pain and you already wanna kill me.” You said snuggling closer into Caius which he welcomed with open arms.

“You’d be reborn into Una versione migliore di te.” He voiced like it was nothing.

“You know that I haven’t been keeping up with my lessons with Marus!” You yelled hitting caius on his side.

“And whose fault is that?” Alec said casually flipping the page to his book he was reading. 

“Not mine actually! Because everytime I try to go to Marcus study, one of you always stops me in my tracks and leads me in a different direction!” You said pointing to each one of your mates. To which none of them could say anything because they knew that it was true.

“See.” You said smiling at the fact that there was no back talk at all. 

Some time passed and you had fallen asleep. When you woke up you felt a weight on your stomach looking down you saw that it was Jane. Her head rested on your stomach. The sun had gone completely down and it was now pitch black in your room but you felt no fear in your heart because you knew that you were safe. 

When you went to shift your legs you were placed with a reminder of why they were here in the first place. Looking down at your previously white towel you couldn’t help the words that came out of your mouth.

“Fucking hell.” You groaned, rolling your eyes.

“A little free bleeding ain’t never hurt nobody.” Felix said with a smirk that you could just feel in your soul.

“What the fuck.” You said and immediately you heard a few chuckles come from different parts of the room.

[elliesmistress]

EPISODE 1: PILOT

WARNINGS: 18+, heavy drug usage (cocaine, weed, alcohol, etc), oral sex (R, E, D, A, ETC), tribbing, overdoses (reader), mentions of overdoses, angst, EVERYONE WILL BE IN COLLEGE AS EUPHORIA IS SET IN HIGHSCHOOL!, mentions of self harm, Jules will be transgender (same in the show, except sex won't be with her), shoplifting, mentions of death, NATE and his family will most likely be left out of this completely and set with new characters that are less toxic, dealer!ellie (sometimes), drug deals, swearing, less abusive relationships but still toxic, mentions of rehab, rehab (detox), death, degradation, toxic sex, rough sex, strap usage, strap sucking, mentioning of 9/11, lmk if I missed anything please!

a/n: this will be VERY similar to Euphoria, you will be RUE (Due to it being "your" story I will be writing it with 'I' as Rue talks). I just need to figure out where abby, dina, jesse, etc will fit into the story. I do know abby will be CAT very likely all the characters will be the exact same (besides from Nate and his parents) I've struggled with a few of the problems in Euphoria and I've written my own fic about MY addictions but I figured I'd do Euphoria too hehe, I will be removing the SA parts of the story because that's just something I don't want to have on my page. Please let me know if you want to be on the taglist whilst I actually have inspo to write :) 3.8K WORDS, spell checked and shit idk man it's like 4 hours past my bed time and 1am

I WILL BE MAKING A EUPHRIA PLAYLIST FOR EACH CHAPTER!

Taglist: @snowy-vee , @vqxen @pedropascalsbbg

PRESENT DAY

"I was once happy, content, sloshing around in my own private primordial pool." I am standing in front of hundreds of people who are here listening to my story—to say the very least, I was nervous. I always have been a fucking addict, and now I'm telling my story of how I recovered from this fucking disease that ruined my fucking life.

"Then one day, for reasons beyond my control, I was repeatedly crushed." I blink my eyes, looking at the floor, struggling to find the right words: "over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother, Grace."

"I put up a good fight, but I lost, for the first time, and definitely not my last... I was born three days after 9/11."

Memories flood back to when I could hear the TV going on the day I was born.

"I can hear you; I can hear you; the rest of the world hears you; and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon." The unknown man says on the TV that hearing the words "USA, USA!" being chanted over and over again made me cry as a baby. Those chants will forever haunt me.

"My mom and dad spent two days in the hospital, holding me under the soft glow of the television, watching the towers fall over and over again, until the feelings of grief gave way to numbness." I shift uncomfortably in the silence of the audience, glancing at my good friends Jesse and Ellie, who indicate for me to keep talking. A soft chuckle comes from my lips as I continue on with the story.

"And then," I take a deep breath, "without warning, we moved to a friendly neighborhood in the suburbs, to where a middle-class child, me to be exact, was looking up at the ceiling, counting those fucking numbers like I could fucking see them. Over and over again. 'thirteen... fourteen... fifteen... sixteen."

"My mother looked up at that ceiling like I was fucking crazy; the words she said echo through my dumb brain still: 'What are you looking at, y/n?'" "I kept counting, trying my hardest to ignore her. She said to me, 'y/n, look at me."

I chuckle. "I bet you all know where this is going. I kept counting, but from the start," and my smile dropped immediately.

"I remember breaking down and crying when my mother tried to snap me out of it. I wanted... I had nothing but to cry, so that's what I did. I sat in a doctor's office a few weeks later with my mother crying next to me as the doctor said I could be suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, general anxiety disorder, and possible bipolar disorder." I put my hand up close to the mic to cup it. "But I was a little too young to tell," I said in a joking tone, cracking a laugh from the crowd. "Y'all get me; y'all fucking get me."

"With this being said, I was put on medication to treat half of the disorders I had, and to be honest, I don't remember much between the ages of 8 and 12. Just that the world moves fast and my brain moves so fucking slowly."

"I would sit my fucking ass in class every day and try my hardest to listen to what that fucking teacher was trying to teach, but sometimes I would focus on my breathing a little too hard. I'd die. That teacher held a bag to my mouth to calm my breathing, though it never really helped. I remember trying to outrun my anxiety every day, looking in the mirror and trying to push my stomach in so I wouldn't look "fat."

"I would constantly get messages from people telling me they wanted to kill me, drug me, make fun of me, and bully me. My mother knew something was up and constantly asked me what was wrong, but I always gave the same response: 'I'm just fucking exhausted."

AGE 19 (college years)

"You said the doctor was in our network. How could he suddenly be out of network?" I hear my mother say as I walk out of my room into the kitchen, "I can't afford it" Grace says.

"did you see the beauty queen who got acid thrown in her face?" My sister says as I begin to lean on the dinning room table. "Mm, what? No" I say, turning my attention to her and out of my trance. "it's pretty fucked up." She says holding up her phone. "Hey, Mom, you got any tampons?" I turned my head to face her as she looked at the documents in her hand, I knew full well I wasn't going to be getting tampons but she didn't need to know that shit.

"in my bathroom, under the sink." She replies back, I swiftly make my way to the bathroom.

I enter her bathroom and cough as I open her medicine cabinet to take a few of her Alprazolam (XANAX) pills.

I would do this countless times, and surprisingly at some point, you make a choice about who you are and what you want in life.

I pretend to flush the toilet and I look at the picture in my mother's bathroom- it had my dad and my Mom on it on their wedding day.

I look at myself in the mirror washing my hands and putting on sunglasses to hide my pupils that are almost as big as my actual eye itself- I get out of the bathroom to go back into the kitchen

"alright, Jayda, let's roll." I say to my sister as she looks at me and frowns, probably these fucking sunglasses.

"y/n, did you eat breakfast?" Grace says, moving the phone away from her mouth. "I had coffee!" I yell out, opening the front door and making my way out.

Jayda and I begin to walk down the sidewalk, she turns her attention onto me and asks what's with the sunglasses.

"what sunglasses?" I say and chuckle, Jayda laughs with me.

We both make our way to the bus and wait for it to arrive, once it arrives we get on the bus and make our way to the back of the bus.

I guess... I showed up one day, without a map or a compass... Or to be honest, anyone capable of giving on iota of good fucking advice. And I know it all may seem sad, but guess what? I didn't build this system nor did I fuck it up.

I was sitting at a party, with a galaxy book to my knees and a line of cocaine, holding the perfectly rolled 5 dollar bill that had been rolled by some rando.

I snort the line of cocaine and immediately felt the pain in my nose, moving my hand up to my nose and applying pressure to where it is painful, making my breathing hitch, then speeding up my breathing in order to get rid of the pain.

My pupils immediately shot big, looking around—everything felt good, my mind at ease and nothing to worry about. I sit up with the most unreal experience, an out-of-body feeling as I struggle to get up.

"y/n, you good?" My friend Ellie attempts to hold my shoulders to steady me as I wobble slightly, I giggle and smile at her, escaping her grasp. "I'm good!"

I walk past people- everything is in slow motion, my body feels slow, my mind feels slow, and suddenly I no longer feel as high- I find another unknown substance and waste no time snorting it, sitting down on the couch.

I sat back up from the couch I was sitting at, getting offered yet another line of cocaine. I snort that cocaine as well, that leaves it hard for me to breathe, every time I take a breathe out. It feels like I'm breathing out all the oxygen I have.

And then it happens. That moment when your breath starts to slow, and every time you breathe, you breathe out all the oxygen you have. And everything stops: your heart, your lungs, then finally your brain. Then everything you feel, and wish, and want to forget, it all just sinks. And then suddenly... You give it air again, give it life again, and that's what leaves you needing more.

I smile at the figure I see besides me, her face is blurred but she's speaking to me, I feel scared. "I want to call an ambulance" I say in my mind, "but I don't wanna ruin everyone's time"

"dude get her fucking legs" I hear muffled voices, slowly waking up. It was Ellie and Jesse dragging my body to Ellie's bed, after I had passed out on the couch at that random frat party-

I stand in a church with my hands behind my back, looking up at the ceiling waiting to graduate from rehab. Slowly making my way up the steps, I look at the lady and give her a smile and a nod before exiting the building.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Echoing in my mind over and over again as I make my way to Ellie's car.

"Hey!" I see Ellie running up to me. I drop my bags as she pulls me into a tight hug. I smiled at her shoulder. She squeals, letting go of me and looking at my face, pulling a hair strand behind my ear.

"I've missed you," she admits. "I've missed you too."

"What about we go back to mine and we can watch a movie?" Ellie suggests that, honestly, I wanted to get home and get out to my fucking dealer. I never had intentions of staying clean, but she didn't need to know.

"Uh yeah, sure," I say, quickly breaking myself out of my own stance. She helps me with my bag, and she puts it in Joel's old, beat-up truck, and I get into the front seat. "Everyone's missed you, dude, Abby, Dina, Jesse, and Maddie. Fucking everyone, dude."

I chuckle.

-

I cuddle up with Ellie in her dad's garage as we watch Jurassic Park. I'm on top of her, listening to her breathing—she's relaxed; she's always around me.

I find myself nuzzling into her neck. She moves her head to the side, so you have better access to her neck. I softly kiss her neck; she's always so soft.

Her eyes flutter shut as I start to suck on her neck, her hands finding their way to my ass, slowly rocking me back and forth to grind on her. Ellie let out a choked moan as she felt my clothed cunt rub against her clit.

"Y/N, fuck," she moans. I smile against her neck and make my way to Ellie's lips.

I kiss her slowly, but Ellie starts to become desperate, whining into my mouth as I refuse to give her what she wants. I move my hand underneath her hoodie to find her tits; of course she's not wearing a fucking bra or shirt under her jumper. It's Ellie.

"Wait," I say, pulling down her pants and boxers in one go. I look at her swollen cunt, slowly moving my head downward to lick up her slit, making my way to her clit.

She bucks her hips up into my tongue, I moan into her cunt, and she tangles her hand in my hair, slightly tugging upwards, making me groan loudly.

"S-sh-it," her voice is choked. "Fuck, just like that," she moans, rolling her eyes back, her toes curling in her socks. "Hmm? Feel good, baby?" I say to her, slowly lifting my head up, abandoning her swollen cunt.

"Fucking don't," she threatened, and I chuckled. I push my middle finger into her soaking pussy as I attach back to her clit; her breathing gets faster, and I feel her tighten around my fingers.

"F-FUCK!" She moans loudly, and I feel her pussy conract on my finger as she cums, her fingers tugging at my hair. "A bit loud, don't you think?" I tease after letting her ride out her orgasm, and I move up to kiss her sweaty forehead. "Shut up"

"got another in you?" I smirk, taking off my pants, t-shirt, and bra. Ellie takes off her jumper, leaving us both naked. I allow Ellie to get up and let her go on top of me.

Ellie aligns her clit up with mine and moans quickly, filling the room each time Ellie moves her hips. I start to dig your nails into Ellie's back, making her groan in pain.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Ellie chants from the overstimulation. "C'mon, baby, I know—fuck, I know you can do it." I praise her as I feel a knot in my stomach, threatening to come undone.

Ellie moves her shoulder closer to my face. I take this as an opportunity to bite down on her shoulder, which makes her wince in pain.

"I'm going to fucking cum!" Ellie moans out. Hearing Ellie say this triggers my own orgasm, and we both cum together.

-

I sit up in bed watching Ellie sleep, and I take out my phone to look at the time.

4AM

"Fuck it," I think before opening Ellie's window slowly, climbing out her window, and making my way to my dealer's house.

-

"There's a new girl in town I think you're going to be friends with." I stand in front of my dealer, who's sitting down in his chair. "who?" I question.

"shit... I don't know, man. She came in yesterday lookin' all Sailor Moon and sh*t. I'm thinking to myself, "You look like somebody you would get along with."

"Ah, real nice, dude. Really nice, where's ash?"

"I thought you went to rehab?"

"Doesn't that mean I stayed sober?" I smiled, walking towards Ash's room with a smile. I opened his door to see him eating cereal. He puts down his bowl and looks at me.

"Shit, I thought your ass was dead."

"I thought you had Asperger's till I realized you're just a prick." I insult him. "This is a fickle industry. Y'all come and go." He chuckles.

I ask for what I want, and he hands it to me. "Sure, you don't want to try anything new?"

"Like, what?" I asked, pulling the hair out of my face.

"2-C-T-2, 2C-T-7, and 5-MeO-DIPT." "I have no idea what the fuck you just said, Ash."

"Doesn't matter, dude, this sh*t. Is fucking lit?" He holds up a bag with two unknown pills. "It's a fast-acting psychedelic. I have some similarities to LSD, but with, like, key differences. Not as visual and shit, but still a sense of distortion... I don't know what's been blowing up in Tampa, and mad people like to fuck on it."

"okay, yeah." I say, putting all the baggies in my pocket, "That'll be 120."

"Fez said he'd spot me."

"Fezco, don't spot anybody."

"Yeah, well, it's a post-rehab discount, so you should ask him." I say, pointing the middle finger at him, opening his door, and leaving.

"Do you think my areolas look weird?" Dina says to Abby, "What the fuck, no?"

"Just the edges."

"Dina, they're fine," Abby says, taking a puff of the weed Cassie gives her.

"Fine, like, they're weird, kind of weird, or fine, like, nobody but me would ever notice what I would notice?"

"Fine, like, shut the fuck up, Dina," Cassie says, sitting up, grabbing her vape, and taking a puff. Dina scoffs, pulling up her t-shirt to cover her boobs.

"Hey ladies!" Jesse walks in. "Hey baby," Dina squeals, running to Jesse and hugging him. Abby cringes.

"Straight people, ew," she thinks to herself, looking at her phone. "Yo, you got out of rehab."

"Didn't she die?" Dina asks, and Abby shrugs.

"Yeah, I swear she died. I don't know, is Ellie coming to the party?" Jesse questions, to which Dina nods.

-

I get off my bike at home, slightly drugged up from the drugs I took earlier.

I walk into the house, softly shutting the door.

"Where were you?" My mother says, sitting at the table, Why the fuck is she up at 6 a.m.? You thought to yourself: "I went to eat," I lie. "What the fuck do you mean, you went to eat?"

"what?"

"what?" She mocks, "Don't walk away from me." She sits up from her seat, walking towards me as I walk towards my room. "You know what, y/n? I don't trust you."

"I don't know what you want me to say." It's true; I didn't know why she wanted me to say it. "I want you to tell me where you were," she says, walking quickly as I walk to my room.

"I just said I went to fucking eat!" I yell at her, "Don't you talk to me like that!" Grace says as I slam the door on her face. "Don't be slamming my doors around here."

"It was a fucking accident!" I yell out, holding my body in front of the door. "I don't care. You're not leaving this house until you take a drug test."

"I just peed!" I yell out, "Slam another door."

"Shit," I say, making my way to my bed, not knowing what to do. Every option I could do is unsafe as fuck.

Niacin, maybe. I don't know fuck, I think to myself, putting out my phone to look at the side effects.

Google

Side effects: skin flushing, extreme dizziness, vomiting, rapid heartbeat, and sometimes death.

Fuck, I can't.

"No drug site recommends doing this" I whisper to myself.

The other option is to get a non drug-addicted friend to do it for me.

About 20 minutes later, I show up at Dina's door, knocking.

"y/n!" Dina says, opening the door, smiling and hugging me, "I thought you died."

I laugh. "Can you do me a favor?" Uhm, I'm serious, bro."

"Sure, what is it, y/n?"

"Can you, uh, piss in this cup for me?" I whisper to her . "You're fucking with me, right?" She responds back, and I laugh and shrug.

Dina agrees to do it, and I enter her house to see Jesse and Abby.

"Sup Jesse," I say, fist bumping Jesse, then Abby.

"We thought you fucking died, bro. How was rehab?" Jesse says it with a genuine tone. "Yeah, it was good." I turn to Abby and ask, "How's football going?"

"Yeah, good. Thanks, uh, are you coming to that party tonight?" Abby asks, "Uhm, yeah, maybe."

"y/n" Dina grabs your attention, you move away from Jesse and Abby, and she swiftly hands you the bottle. "Here's that eyeliner."

"thank you"

-

I quietly climb through my window, grabbing my baggie of crushed cocaine, tipping some out onto my shelf, grabbing my 5 dollar note, rolling it up, and snorting a line.

"Argh," I groan, feeling it hit my nose. The same pain I've always experienced with snorting was still there—just muffled out. By this point, my nose was completely fucked, and I could hear the sound of the drugs eating away at my nose.

"Mom! I have to pee."

-

"I wish we could do this in a way that wasn't a complete invasion of my privacy." I say, cup in hand, struggling not to smile at her due to the drugs I had taken earlier on.

"Well, you lost your right to privacy after your overdose," your mom says, staring at you in the eyes.

"That was an accident." I smartly talk back, "Don't be flippy, y/n."

"Could you, at least?" Your mom turns around and says, "Thank you."

I sit down, and before "peeing" in the cup, I swiftly change it with Dina's urine as she talks. I wasn't listening to whatever the fuck she was saying... I was high as fuck, and I didn't care.

I gave her the urine sample, and she put the drug test in the container, and all of them came out negative. "I'm sorry for slamming the door earlier."

"it's okay. I forgive you. Come here." My mom says, pulling me in for a hug.

I guess... Like I said before, you get to choose who you want to be and how you want to be- the way the drugs cancelled out all my emotions was what I was looking for, no person, no nothing could compare to that feeling. Besides from drugs.

"I'm gonna stay at Dina's tonight" i say to which she agrees.

It's now 7PM, I don't know how the day went by so fast- but it did and it fucking sucked. I get a text from Ellie.

Ellie: Yo, noticed you left this morning you okay?

Me: yeah, I'm good bro. You alg?

Ellie: yep! Wanna come over tonight? Dont have to if you wanna go to the party instead

Me: I'll come over around like 11?

I find myself making my way to the party that Jesse, Dina, and Abby are going to.

Jesse and Dina have fucked off somewhere else, probably making out or fucking, and you find yourself next to Abby.

"How was rehab, y/n?" She says, breaking the tension, although I can barely hear her over the music, "Yeah, it was good!" I yell over the music.

I stand up, looking for the bathroom in an attempt to snort more, but people were already in the bathroom. "Shit," I think to myself, not paying attention to where I'm walking, accidentally bumping into this lady.

"fuck!" I yell. Looking at her, she looks like the girl Faz mentioned. "Hey, sorry." I retrace my steps.

"You're good; I'm, uh, I'm Jules," she says, and I smile, holding out my hand to shake hers. She accepts and shakes my hand.

She's got one of the most beautiful smiles you have ever seen; her smile is so bright it could light up an entire dark room, filled with nothing but sadness.

"I'm y/n" I introduce myself, to which we exchange numbers, and I make my way to Ellie's place, feeling overwhelmed from the party.

I knock on her door for Joel to answer; my pupils are dilated, and obviously I've taken some sort of drug.

"y/n... Hey, Ellie's in her room." I smile stupidly. These fucking drugs, man, I can't stop smiling . I swiftly walk past Joel and see Ellie. I smile at her, and she smiles back. "Dude, are you high?" She scoffs, "I thought... I thought you quit."

"I'm not high, Ellie, mania." I giggle; she obviously doesn't want to assume, so she wants to give me the benefit of the doubt.

"Are you coming back to college this month?" She questions. "Yeah, probably." The truth was, I didn't want to. But I knew I probably had to.

I shall leave it at this due to how many words, etc. and idk if people will like this 😭😭

[melbatron5000]

Murder Board 2.0

Updated 4/30/24

Since I've figure a few things out, I need to re-do my Murder Board. New answers, new questions.

What I think I know:

NEIL GAIMAN IS A LYING LIAR WHO LIES. Except when he's dropping hints or answering straight out. All of his answers to anything anyone asks about GO are suspect at best. (I cannot blame him or anyone else on the cast or crew -- they spent A LOT of time and energy building this very meticulous puzzle game for us -- why would ANY of them give ANY of it away? That would ruin all the fun!)

Most of the discontinuity of Season 2 can be explained by POV switches between characters. See here and here for more. I think the title/location cards are also probably POV Clues, that needs a closer look.

Crowley gave something to Aziraphale in his mouth when they kissed. It's the fly. Now, what else was in the fly besides Gabriel's memory? RECORDS. Incriminating records that are why the Metatron let Beelzebub and Gabriel go, but nailed Aziraphale. The Metatron knows Gabriel has those records, he doesn't know they got passed to Aziraphale.

Saraqael and Crowley and by proxy, Aziraphale are all working together. See here and here for more. That explains A. the tiny miracle blowing up into a 25 Lazarii miracle. It didn't. They had to cover for something else that did. B. Saraqael showing the archangels the book shop in 2019 in the spy hole. C. Crowley's spy turtle neck and where he went during Aziraphale's Job flashback. D. Why Saraqael helps him see the trial in Heaven. (Oh! Muriel's now in on it, too!)

Crowley's memory is fine, it's a red herring. He is dissing Furfur, he is denying knowing Saraqael even after she gives him a reason to recognize her to hide that they are working together. He tells Jim he doesn't remember why they invented gravity, but that whole scene if from Aziraphale's perspective, so the conversation likely didn't actually go just like that.

Shax is on a mission besides Gabriel -- she's looking for whatever Aziraphale and Crowley are hiding. Gabriel is a side-mission.

The hand-washing comment from Crowley in the Resurrectionists minisode -- he tells DaVinci about helicopters in Good Omens the novel. It's just a thing he can do.

What is up with Maggie? Maggie's freaking Jesus 2.0. She's what Shax is looking for, and who Crowley, Aziraphale, and Saraqael are hiding. Also, where is God? God is busy being Maggie, that's where. That's why Crowley says "Oh God" before his speech in the final fifteen. He's bringing up what they're hiding, reminding Aziraphale that someone has to stay and keep an eye on Maggie. That's why he can't go. Now, how the FUCK did Jesus 2.0 wind up owning a record store she inherited from her family NEXT TO AN ANGEL?? (Ah, shit, now I'm doubting this one. But I still think Jesus is there, and Maggie means SOMETHING -- but so does Nina.)

SECRET SONGS??? Why are the songs secret?? I'm losing my mind, what is happening?? I think this is a message that A. Aziraphale and Crowley are okay, and B. We will absolutely be getting part 3 of 1941.

I still think the scenes might be out of order. Is it as simple as watching them in chronological order? Could be.

The Metatron is a naked man.

Aziraphale and Crowley are talking in subtext A LOT. Aziraphale's tells are easier to spot than Crowley's. He raises his eyebrows and does vocal bunny rabbit ears. "Our Gabriel miracle," "The establishment in question," "Certainly on to something," "Haven't yet cracked the case." I haven't picked out Crowley's tells yet.

What still needs answering:

The clocks jumping time still don't make any sense. And why are the extras moving in double-time when we first arrive to Whickber street?

The weird hand in the 1941 photo still doesn't make sense.

Aziraphale's chair position being moved still doesn't make sense.

The extras behaving strangely still doesn't make sense.

Crowley's car being in the wrong spot on the road after Shax threatens him still doesn't make any sense.

I'm not sure that the POV switches explains all the weird sounds -- Aziraphale turns to look at a crashing sound when he returns from Edinburgh, the very loud clock in the final fifteen BUT ALSO when Jim says he will go out to the demons.

I'm not sure that POV switches explain Crowley's sunglasses going from silver to black.

I still don't know why Aziraphale went to Edinburgh, or why he stopped at the graveyard where Gabriel's statue is.

Why does Michael do the "nothing's in the box" thing with the matchbox? It's a petty specific action. Someone pointed out that Michael's nails look chewed and terrible, are we meant to stare at the matchbox while something else goes unnoticed? Well, duh. But what?

We most certainly did not get the whole scene where the Metatron is talking to Aziraphale. What else was said?

What did Crowley do during his ALL-NIGHT JAUNT in Heaven? Did he sneak around and steal something? Did he uncover something? Did they hurt him?

What did Aziraphale do with his briefcase that he took to Edinburgh? We see it in the book shop from his POV, and Edinburgh is seen from Crowley's POV, so they both know it exists. And then it's gone.

Why does Gabriel prophecy with God's voice? IS it God's voice? It's a woman, is it Frances McDormand? It's hard to hear. When he remembers the beginning, I think it's God's voice. When he prophecies, it may be someone else. Frances McDorman has no credit in that episode.

Why the heck did Maggie and Nina go talk to Crowley while the Metatron was talking to Aziraphale? What they had to say wasn't important enough to leave Nina's shop during a rush, and I definitely don't think they derailed Crowley from what he needed to say to Aziraphale, though it might look at first as if they did. So what was that about?

When Shax stops Aziraphale for a ride, he says, "Oh, I really need to get to --" and then is cut off. He really needs to get to where? It's an easy assumption to think he means the book shop, or London. But is that all he means? Or was he on his way somewhere else? And if it was just the book shop, what does he mean he's late? Late for what?

Crowley can tell "something's wrong," and he doesn't just mean the demons. What?

When Crowley leaves Heaven, he tells Saraqael and Muriel to come, too. But in the elevator, Michael and Uriel are there! When the fuck did they show up??

Why does Beelzebub tell Shax to attack the bookstore? Aren't they worried about Gabriel being harmed? And they know Hell is understaffed. Maybe that's why they command it? Because they know Shax won't be able to get the demons?

What about the Masons? It's such a specific thing for the pub owner to bring up, what is the meaning of it? And Maggie has a Mason symbol on her necklace. Did the Masons carve the statue of Gabriel? When did they see him?

The only narration we hear in the entire season is Aziraphale in the Resurrectionist flashback. I believe this is to throw us off the POV character switches all season. But still, why do we only hear him narrate 1 flashback? I think he's reading the diary to himself in the present day. That would explain the end, "And that was the last I was to see of Crowley for some time." He JUST heard the story of the jukebox from Maggie. And Gabriel appearing -- same city that statue is in. Of course he thought of something important from that diary entry! Now, what did he notice?

Is the Book of Life a real threat? We hear two stories about it, that it's real and that its ability to erase beings was something to scare the cherubs with, this is inconclusive. Crowley gets nervous after Beelzebub talks to him, but I think he's pissed that Heaven and Hell have taken an interest in them again, especially since they're trying to hide Maggie!Jesus.

So many promo posters show Aziraphale, Crowley, and Jimbriel together, or symbols of them. Three feathers: two white, one black. Tea cup, cocoa mug, wine glass. The three of them. Not with Beelzebub, not with Muriel, the three of them. And all three of them have been Jesus-coded in some small way. No one else. Those three. What. Why. Are they the sacrifice required to bring about the new world? Why not Beez, then?

Wait. Two Crowleys?? WTF. There are two Crowley puppets in the magic shop. Am I insane? I have no theory here, just some wild speculation that needs a lot more time to simmer. Two actual Crowleys, or two ideas of Crowley? Or something to hurt my head?

An album on the wall in Maggie's shop says "Rat Keith." This seems to me to be an allusion to The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents, by Terry Pratchett. In the book, some men have tied several rats' tails together to create a rat king that keeps the wild rats under control -- except that the rat king has too much power and is doing way more than just that. People die. So who's been given too much power and is now running the show instead of being a puppet? The Metatron, perhaps? Hm . . .

WHAT is going on with that damn white head statue in Aziraphale's book shop? It's centered in more than one shot, as if it's a character. Is it a POV hint? I wonder, if it is, whose POV it represents?

A blog that I didn't reblog pointed out that the record Aziraphale is listening to when Garbriel shows up is neither Shostakovich nor 21 minutes long. That seems important, but I'm not sure how.

What the heck does Furfur mean by "little monkey in the waistcoat?" How does that sound like Crowley?

Why does Mrs. H say "for God's sake" two times in a row? No one says that on this show without a meaning.

I count at least three times that Crowley approaches Aziraphale and Aziraphale looks to his left, but Crowley is not on his left. In fact, Crowley is not on the left a LOT this season.

Shax notices Crowley going to Heaven and makes an epiphany face.

Why is the end credit music for the ball French cafe music? French must be important. And the end credit music for The Hitchhiker is old timey and scratchy, then skips and becomes the same song in a newer, clearer style. Because they repeat the bullet catch trick in the modern day, perhaps?

I thought I heard that Crowley and Aziraphale are in the fly in the opening sequence, but nope. So why are they in a cave?

Why are there multiple elevators and multiple mountains in the opening sequence??? What the hell does that mean??

Repeating themes: (I am just realizing that these aren't just themes, they are all Clues!)

Beverages of all kinds -- tea for Aziraphale, wine or whiskey for Crowley, cocoa for Jim. Oh, and LAUDANUM.

Time -- lots of clocks/mentions of time. Everyone notices the ticking clock during the Final Fifteen, but it's ticking loud when the demons attack the ball, too. Also, why is the first scene of Whickber street shown at high-speed? Is time sped up? Or something else?

Love/partnership/togetherness being stronger than separateness

Memories/forgetting/remembering

Payment -- money comes up in both the Resurrectionists minisode and the Flesh Eating Nazi Zombies minisode, but no one pays for anything in present. There is bartering, but no money. Actually, both times money is brought up, it's Crowley using Aziraphale's money. It's funny, but I feel like there's a point to it.

Rising from the dead -- Job's kids (even though they weren't actually dead), bodies used for science, Nazi zombies, the Second Coming. I think this is all just hinting around Jesus -- sure, hinting around Jesus, who we were expecting to show up in Season 3, but she's already here. The hints indicate that she is already on Earth, not going to show up next season. Ha!

Unreliable narrators. Because we are seeing the whole show from various characters' points of view. Because of that, we can only see what they know, expect, believe, or understand, but also what they want us to see. We need to take the whole second season with a grain of salt.

Death in general -- but 9a., I'm a dirty pagan, why didn't I make this connection sooner, death always leads to REBIRTH, change, something totally new and 9b. there are tarot cards in the magic shop, and even if you're not a dirty pagan, the Death tarot card means transition, something must die before a new thing can be born. Hmmmm.

Morality and what is "good" and what is right

Recognition and identity and hiding one's identity. Ah! Probably at least partly because Maggie someone? is Jesus. How would you recognize them? (Do I still think it's Maggie? Not sure.) She doesn't look like White Jesus, or even a more realistic Middle-Eastern or Black Jesus. She looks like Maggie. Who would know her? I think there's more to this theme, but Maggie as Jesus 2.0 adds up.

Licenses, permits, permissions, rules, proof, evidence, what's allowed. All of the minisodes mention this, and it all gets mentioned again over and over. Because Heaven and Hell do have rules they have to follow. Which drives home my theory that Gabriel stole some very incriminating records from Heaven when he left, Crowley got hold of them and gave them to Aziraphale during the kiss, and now Aziraphale is going to nail them.

Colors. Lots of colors!! Job's kids are dressed in the colors of Nina, Maggie, and Aziraphale's shops. Jesus on the Resurrectionist Pub sign is in blue and orange, blue and orange crop up a lot in extra's clothing, as do yellow and red, Crowley colors. The Ladies of Camelot are in orange and blue. Maggie's shop is orange, Nina's is blue.

Horses. Horse statue, horse wine label, people saying "dark horse." The four horsemen again?

Repeating words and phrases:

Technically

Properly

Isn't it just?

Too late

Funny old world

Not as such

Made for each other

EVERYWHERE

Obviously

Two shakes of a lamb's tail

Dark horse

What are you/am I? As opposed to WHO. Aziraphale asks in the Land of Uz, and Crowley asks Gabriel.

Are you sure? Quite sure.

The Marvelous Mr. Fell is described as marvelous in his mysterosity, Shax says the demons have dangerosity.

Mrs. H in 1941 says "for God's sake" twice in quick succession.

Hints:

Powell and Pressburg films

The Crow Road

Catch 22

The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents, Terry Pratchett in general

Jane Austin

Book Good Omens

Season 1 Good Omens

The titles of episodes, minisodes, places, etc. 7a. The Arrival: a book and a movie, though the book seems far more relevant. And lovely. The Clue: a movie. Companion to Owls: a line from a Bible story. I Know Where I'm Going: a movie. The Resurrectionists: two novels, each called The Resurrectionist, singular. Both look unhinged. The Hitchhiker: a Twilight Zone episode. Nazi Zombie Flesheaters: Literally no other reference. ?? Nazi Zombies do appear in a LOT of movies, comics, and video games, usually as a dark joke. The Ball: a video game. Irrelevant? It's a puzzle-based game, so maybe not. Every Day: a song AND a movie. Some themes repeat here: Puzzle games, being re-directed from one's path to find true love, death and being brought back to life in a gruesome and unpleasant way.

Objects that get a close-up/centering:

Starmaker's nebula book

Shostakovich record

Tomatoes

The box

The Bentley

Eccles cakes

The bell

Head statue

The book Jim drops

Jukebox

Gabgriel's statue

Laudanum bottle

Phones in Edinburgh episode

"Very closed" sign

Broken whiskey bottles in 1941

Hourglass in Hell

Furfur's camera

Bullet catch in the magic shop

Instruction booklet for bullet catch gets 3 close ups

Puppets

Dancer's silhouette

Mr. Fell sign

The actual bullet

Angelic beings book

Photo evidence

Shax's shoes

"Surrender the angle" brick

[ecogirl2759]

THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!!!

Here it is, guys!

The Kiyotaka Ishimaru Mastermind comic from 4コマ KINGS Vol. 4!

SPECIFICALLY CITING THIS SO THAT OTHERS KNOW WHERE TO FIND THIS COMIC!!!

Huge, HUUUUGE thanks to @panicuriprince!!! They helped me with clearing the text, rewording panels and putting everything together! Pages 4, 5, and 6 are her doing! PLEEEASE go send her some love, they REALLY helped me get this done and I literally couldn't have done this without her :D

There's a document below the break with more literal translations for the comic, as well as translation notes, a link to a Google Drive folder with ALL of the pages, and other interesting tidbits! Please give it a read!

The Japanese pages will also be below the break! (As well as a little spiel of mine. It's quite long, so be careful!)

(also please forgive how many tags there are here-)

Remember to read right to left <3

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As promised, here are the Japanese panels:

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AND HERE'S THE DOCUMENT!

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✨ WOW ✨

I can't begin to describe to you all how AMAZING this feels!

I've spent the past 2 years on what felt like a wild goose chase, desperately searching for this one comic that I wasn't even sure existed.

This all started with me finding a photo on Tumblr of this comic and spiraling into this deep dive. First I didn't know if this was even real, then I found out that this comic series had ceased printing, then I couldn't be sure which book it was actually in.

There is literally almost no information out there about the fourth volume of this anthology series. I've said this before and I'll say it again, volumes 1 and 2 both have full translations that you can download off of other websites, and while 3 doesn't seem to have that, there are a lot of separately translated comics floating around out there, namely on Pinterest.

The 4th volume had NOTHING! No matter how hard I searched or how many links I clicked, no one has really said ANYTHING about this book, which was why this specific comic was so hard for me to find.

But I have all of the books now, so I definitely want to do this again for all of them so that people have easy access to these translations. I'll start with book 4 though haha.

Also, I'm not sure who it was, but HUUUUGE thanks to the kind stranger on Ebay who was willing to sent me the whole series!! I literally don't know where I would be right now if these books weren't with me, so thank you <3

Also, thank you to all of my Japanese teachers that I've had throughout the years. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have been able to understand the comic, haha! One even helped me out in the early stages of this process, so extra thanks to him <3

I feel really passionate about accessible media. I think that everyone should be able to read and find whatever they want. That's part of the reason that I've endeavored on this project. I want everyone to be able to seek out and find these comics if they really want to. And, of course, I want everyone to be able to understand them, too.

So please enjoy this comic! If you'd like to repost it, I'd appreciate being credited just so that others know where they can go to find the full comic.

This one-man project isn't so one-man anymore, and I seriously can't thank everyone who's helped me enough!!! I'm honestly so glad I didn't have to go through this alone <33

ALSO

If you see anything, LITERALLY ANYTHING, that you think I could change/improve (like formatting or different interpretations of the Japanese text), PLEASE shoot me a message!! I want to make sure this comic is as good as it can be, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Even if you don't have a suggestion and would just like to reach out to ask a question or something, PLEASE don't be afraid to do that! I know I get really cold feet when sending people asks, so I'm going to reassure everyone who needs to hear it now: You're never going to be a bother to me! I love getting asks! Whenever anyone sends me something, I get really excited <3

So ask questions! Tell me I did a horrible job and got none of the text right! Ask why Ishimaru literally cannot be evil! I don't know the answer, either!

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Thank you all so much for the support and the kind words you've been giving me ever since I first announced I was translating this comic! Your support has been extremely motivating to me! Also, you guys are hilarious with your tags!

Seriously, thank you so much! Words literally can't express how I feel right now, but I guess the best way I could describe it is cathartic. I'm REALLY happy that I finally get to share 2 years worth of work with you guys! You've all been a massive help to me in more ways than one <333

KEEP BEING AWESOME <3

[kairiscorner]

question of the day: who would fall the hardest if they ever fell in love?

well... i've got 4 candidates in mind, and i think... (2/4)

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

miles morales. — guilty of falling hard for you.

summary: he didn't think it'd happen so soon... well, love always takes place in the most unexpected places and times, no? pairing: miles 1610 x gn!reader genre: fluff !!

miles morales believed he was never one to fall easily, to fall first, or to fall... hard; but you helped him realize that he, in fact, was all of those things. the moment he met you was the moment he realized what he wanted, who he wanted, in life. you were the one who made sense of his life, the one who opened his eyes to the person he wants to be with, and you were the first person to ever want to be more than a stranger that captivated his whole heart and soul this way--you were special, and always will be to him.

miles morales is literally the sweetest boy you've ever met; he acts like he could be anyone's friend, anyone's brother, anyone's cousin–he gets along with nearly everybody, and that's the nicest part about him to you. he's always so friendly with everyone, especially towards you–a stranger he just met today.

miles morales started off as a stranger, started off as this cute, yet lost, looking boy to you that you stumbled upon at a busiest part of the campus. you were both new kids, and you were both incredibly lost, and weren't looking where either of you were going.

miles morales bumped into you by accident–it was practically a collision, actually. you two crashed into each other and were seeing stars, with him apologizing that he bumped into you in the first place. "sorry, i wasn't... wasn't looking, ow..." he groaned out as his once blurry vision cleared and he caught glimpses of your face.

miles morales he didn't know what to say at first, or how to even say anything to such a... a perfect person. he didn't feel worthy of being spoken to, being apologized to the same way he did to you.

miles morales was caught in his own world, drowning and getting lost in the vast expanse of your beautifully colored irises, the length of your eyelashes, the shape of your nose, the way your eyebrows crinkled in pain at the impact--the way your voice captures his attention with how sonorous and captivating it is; and the way the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck rise up at the feeling of your gentle, supple flesh of your hands against his is.

miles morales pulls away from your touch, he accidentally picked up your books instead of his; his mind is a mess right now since, wow, it's been a long, long while since he's felt this way. he actually doesn't even remember if... he's felt this way for anybody before you, and it's crazy because... he's never known you existed until now. "sorry! sorry, um, i'm... wow, am i such a klutz. here, lemme help you, for real this time." he said with a chuckle as he handed you his books and picked his own books off the ground.

miles morales thought helping you out, flashing you a smile, and apologizing to you would be the end of it, because who would spend extra time chatting with a stranger who bumped into you? well, apparently, you would. as he began to walk away, you instinctively reached out and held him by the arm--that sent sparks flying from his chest and a heat creeping up his face as he turned to look at you.

miles morales couldn't believe you'd really stop him in his tracks to properly thank him. he's had his fair share of strangers that never end up in his life again after that one chance encounter he's had with them. he's gone through many people in his life, doing things for them and them doing things for him, and he always thanks them, but hardly ever gets thanks--especially like this. he doesn't know how to feel about it, he isn't sure on how to feel about it; it's so new to him... and he's craving for more of you, to know you even more from the inside out.

miles morales is a stuttering, flustered mess. a smile is drawn on that innocent, loving face of his that isn't sure of how to react; surprised, taken aback, or... grateful? grateful that you were kind and patient enough to consider the person behind the kind act and thank him. "i-it's nothing, really! i'm always happy to help such a pretty-- um..." 'crap, i slipped.'

miles morales is wincing at him slipping up and admitting that, yes, he found you very adorable, attractive, though you were both strangers--and... he wants to get to know you even more, badly. he craves to be your friend, but he didn't think you'd want to--you were both strangers to begin with, but... maybe this is his chance to show you just how much sweeter he can be the more you get to know him, he's already taken a liking (understatement, really) to you.

tags !! @k4tsu3 @onginlove @luvstarrstruck @toneystank-3000 @ii01vq @maxoloqy @popeheywardssecretgf @lovefrominaya @solecitoszn @meowmoraless

[wood-white-writer]

“Didn’t mean to make your heart Blue” ||[10/…]

— OPLA! Buggy x F!Reader

"You're the one, You're all I ever wanted. I think I'll regret this."

— Mitski, "Your Best American Girl"

Pairing: Buggy the Clown (live action) x F!Reader

Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Summary: You were an apprentice of Gol D. Roger’s crew in your youth, long before his eventual demise. Along with the Red-Haired Shanks and Buggy, you were a formidable trio; the embodiment of a new generation of pirates yet to come. But times changed, and so did you and your friends.

The past echoes behind you, as does the uncertain future that lies ahead. Where you go from this point on, you'll have to be quick about making your decision. There is unrest in the waters, and not everyone knows how to swim.

Warnings: fem!reader, LA!Verse, slight canon divergence, morally grey reader, mentions of violence and blood, Buggy being a simp, flashbacks

A/N: .... Half a year later, and an update. As I've mentioned several times already, I'm sorry for the delay. A lot of things have happened these past couple of months, work has been hella hectic, and I'm moving into a house next month. This chapter is not too long, but I hope it'll do until the finale. If you notice any grammar mistakes, no you didn't.

It's tough to have so much love in your heart but nowhere to put it. It festers in your body, churning until it sours and rots into something unspeakably ugly.

You try not to remember, but sometimes your mind possesses a will of its own; sadistic in nature, taunting you with images of events you wish would leave you be. 

You recall that day. You see images of it flash through the synapses in your brain on more than a few occasions; twisting and knotting until they form an enlarged image of what you have dubbed the day you were acquainted with true pain.

It was a rainy day, not even a month after Rogers departed from the world of the living. The winds were picking up, the ship was rocking like she intended to knock you off balance and leave you at the mercy of the waves. 

Even still, you refused to let go.

The tension between Shanks and Buggy was palpable through your fingertips for a while by then, the reasons behind which were entirely unknown to you. The way they looked at each other was vehemently acrimonious, yet you had no clue as to what had detonated this rift. 

Maybe you didn’t want to think about it?

Maybe you were so desperately naive as to believe that things would stay the same, even when it was plain to see that they wouldn’t.

Buggy and Shanks had always been … at odds with one another, but never in a way that struck you strange before. They were simply like that, for as long as you’d known them. Their rivalry was benevolent in nature, just boys being boys, pirates being pirates.

Not that day.

You had been talking to Shanks on deck, moments before it happened. The subject of your conversation has long since evaded your memory, but that’s all you did. Conversing.

Then, Buggy was there, only that he wasn’t there either. There was something different about the bright blue eyes you used to hold in such high regard. They were cold, inexplicably hostile. 

Foul.

There was rage in his irises, and that had been beyond the kind you were acquainted with. It was scorching, tenfold sharper than the kind you received from your foes. 

Only that he wasn’t one of your foes.

It was Buggy.

Your Buggy.

And you were on the receiving end.

“You’re going with him, aren’t you?!” He demanded in such a way that you felt like it wasn’t him at all. An impostor.

Whether it was the surprise or the shock that ensnared you, you didn’t answer at first.

“ANSWER ME, DAMNIT!”

“Buggy…” your voice was hushed, scarcely making your vocal cords vibrate with each syllable. “What are you—?”

“I saw it, so don’t bother denying it!” 

He stomped over to you, and it felt like the planks beneath his feet were about to break. “Just tell me! Tell me that’s what you’re going to do! Just get it over with!”

You tried to reach for him, intertwine his fingers with your own; a safety line amidst a storm. He never rejected the gesture before, but when your digits fell upon his soft skin, he yanked them off like your touch was molten lava.

His limbs were quivering, hands knotted to fists, burning with heat yet trembling with cold at the same time.

Then, he said three words. 

Three words that would come to haunt you for the next two decades to come.

“I hate you,” he snarled. “I wish we’d never even met. Be with him if that’s what you fucking want! What do I care?”

“Buggy—“

For a moment, you didn’t know how to breathe. 

How to blink. 

How to feel. 

You had been stabbed before. Burnt. Slapped. Stabbed. Whipped. Tortured. 

Long before Rogers brought you with him, you thought yourself well-acquainted with all the pain the world could provide. It marred your bones, painted your flesh, scarred your skin. The indents still stained your arms and legs, your face, yet nothing could compare to the agony that followed Buggy’s words.

Your heart felt hollow; submerged in neck-deep waters with no bottom in sight.

“Buggy,” the corners of your eyes were stinging, yet you could not recall if you were crying or not. The feeling was a foreign one, so much so that you had no way of recognizing the sensation. 

He left after that; turned his back and walked away, and it was the last time you ever saw him in the flesh.

The next couple of years following that incident were blurry, you can’t remember much of it. It was as though your brain decided to dismiss those memories in an act of self-preservation.

You remember staying with Shanks for a time, whether loyalty or self-preservation, it didn’t matter. You stayed until just the mere sight of him rendered your guts to stones. 

You had no reason to resent him. He was good, among the best, but he could not provide a cure for your affliction, so you decided to leave the Red-Haired Pirates.

Shanks never begrudged you.

After parting ways with him, it didn’t take you long enough to establish a crew of your own, and a name. “Cross-Hairs”, the moniker you replaced with your real one. It’s been so long since anyone acknowledged your actual one, it’s as if it never existed. 

Some people saw a strong woman with enough broken bones on her record to know she would ensure their survival just as much as she could guarantee their demise, yet they still placed their bets on it.

Thus, the Cross-Haired Pirates came to fruition. Escaped convicts, thieves, general rogues, but efficient people in their own rights.

They feared you as much as they respected you. Your crew was among the most loyal people you’ve ever met. 

If you told them to bark, they’d bite. 

If you commanded them to kill, they’d do so without question, but they’d still leave their lives in your hands. They were your pack of loyal hounds, but you were a wolf in their ranks. Your say was the last of theirs.

You don’t regret letting them go. You had nothing more to offer them after you’d found a reason to stay in Foosha Village. Whatever violence remained in the world; they could find it in your absence. 

Some of them chose to disagree with your decision, demand that you remain their Captain; their checks would never run empty, but they were silenced quickly enough with the swing of your blade.

You’re not proud of the person you were, yet you could credit your survival to her. 

Blood, bones, tears, and pain, it never mattered to you, yet it granted you a superior seat on the food chain.

You became the beast haunting everyone’s dreams. The shadow in their path.

Even so, the pain of other people could not relinquish your own. 

You burned every day and every second for twenty years, so you turned the world to ashes in kind.

———

Long ago, Cabaji found his captain on deck one night with a bottle nursed against his sternum, his back against the railing, and his knee propped up to rest his head on. He was drunk, and although it wasn’t an unusual occurrence on its own, it was still unnerving.

“Captain, you alright?”

“‘m fine,” Buggy answered tightly, lolling his head back and forth. It was dark outside, no moon, yet the first mate could spot the redness across the Captain’s cheeks. “What t- time is it?”

“Just past midnight.” Cabaji frowned at the pathetic display, and with some hesitance, crouched down so he could put a finger on the clown’s forehead. Holy shit, what a fever. “Captain… You’re burning.”

“Burning?!” Buggy wheezed, as if he’d been told the world’s funniest joke. He threw his arm out, bottle raised high, and repeated: “Burning? Oh, that’s just great! I never took you for a jester, Cabaji! That title’s usually reserved for yours flashy truly! You tryin’ to upstage your captain or something?”

“No, Captain.” His right-hand man lightly put his fingers on the clown’s forehead again, mindful of not letting them linger lest he wanted to lose them. “You’re seriously burning up. How long have you been out here?”

“Five minutes, an hour, fuck, twenty years perhaps!” Buggy took another sip of the half-empty bottle in his hold. He couldn’t tell what it was, but it did wonders for his mind. His troubled, asymmetrical library of a brain whose caretaker had long since abandoned their charge.

The jester leaned the back of his head against the hard surface of the railings, tipping the bottle carelessly to the side so that its content could spill onto the wooden floor without any concern. It stained his pants; he'd reek for days, but there was no urgency in ridding himself of the splotch. “How can I burn when there is no sun out, Cabaji? Answer me that.”

“I don’t understand… it’s the middle of the night, the sun will be back tomorrow.”

“MEH! WRONG!” He continued to laugh with no sense of humor. No joy. No nothing. Just hollow breaths meant to mimic his trademark sound. With no short amount of effort on his part, he almost tripped himself trying to get up to his feet. 

His next words almost struck the first mate as … hollow somehow.

“The sun stopped shining long ago.”

———

You can’t sleep, but it has nothing to do with the added weight on your abdomen. 

Buggy, even with his entity body stripped from him, feels heavy and sleeps soundly, and he snores. You can't help but marvel at the view, mindful of your movements as you do. 

He looks to be at peace, completely so. Content. You'd think that he'd be a bit more wary considering he's currently stuck on a ship with people who want nothing more than to throw him overboard, yet here he is.

He's here.

With gentle hands unbeknownst to you, you carefully pry him off of you and settle him back down once your body’s out of the hammock. 

He can rest, you think, and he does so like a newborn.

Even with your body no longer attached to him, you can’t help but marvel at the sight. His eyes are closed, breathing even, as though he’s completely at ease with the world. Light as a feather, you tug a strand of hair away from his eyes and resign yourself to a night of wandering to ease your nerves.

The air on deck is cold. You find Ussop leaned across the steering wheel, sound asleep. You have half a mind to scold him for his negligence, but the other half remind you that in essence, he’s still just a kid. He should rest as well.

So, you find a blanket and carefully pull it over him, hoping that the cold won’t catch him as easily as Arlong’s men probably will at one point.

The waters are calm as you lean over the railings to observe them. The moon isn’t full, but it still dons a soft light across the waters. You relish in the ambience the night sky grants, finding serenity in it all. 

“What’re you doing up?”

You snap your head down to find Buggy’s head poised next to your arms, having hopped over to you on the railing. He must’ve been uncharacteristically quiet, or maybe you had been uncharacteristically caught off-guard. 

He looks tired, but not disoriented as he props himself closer to you. If he’s moody from the lack of sleep, he doesn’t voice it.

“You’ll fall off,” you warn him.

“You can still swim, can’t you?” He points out. 

“What makes you think I’ll jump after you?”

“Won’t you?”

You glance back down at him, and you can vaguely spot an ounce of sincerity in his eyes; a genuine question that conceals the deep-rooted vulnerability underneath. It’s a rare look on him, or maybe it’s the hole of light in the sky playing tricks on your brain.

The two of you say nothing to each other for a while, but your eyes never shy away from each other. To be honest, you have no idea where this … this is headed. You’re not sure what to do about it either. Twenty years has left a gaping hole in your chest, akin to a supernova that swallows everything around it.

Turns out it will still consume any scraps of your youthful affection too, and you can’t tell if it fills the hole up or further deepens the void. You’re not sure you want to know.

“You should head back inside,” you finally say. “It’s cold outside.”

“So what?”

“Being a head surely leaves you at a disadvantage against the elements, does it not?”

If he had shoulders, he’d shrug, but he makes a pretty good imitation of it with just his head alone. “Dunno, but I don’t care.”

“You don’t want to catch pneumonia and die or something, do you?” I

t wasn’t meant as a joke at first, but the moment he hears it, a snnnrrrrrk develops into full-blown laughter that’s a hair width away from waking your crew members.

You don’t know what possesses you, but hearing him laugh like this, so genuinely, conjures a laugh of your own. It’s more hushed and subtle in comparison to your companion, but it’s there and it feels so strange to have it erupt from your chest. 

When was the last time you laughed? 

After a while, your combined laughter gradually quietens and when you look at Buggy next, you see him with eyes the size of plates, like he couldn’t believe what he just witnessed. Not in an alarming way, but in … adoration. Just unadulterated, complete awe.

For some reason, it pains you to have him look at you like this. After all this time. So, you turn your head back to the sea and let your gaze linger there again. You’re reminded that, like the waves, you can’t go back to how it used to be.

“When you’ve retrieved your body, you can go.”

Buggy freezes. "... What?"

"Once you get your body back, you can leave. I'll tell the crew you disappeared." 

It'll be easier for the both of you, you justify. He can get back to being Captain Buggy, and you can go back to being ... someone. 

You're no longer a captain, and you have no interest in playing the part again. He'll have his freedom, and you'll have your contentment in knowing that you have once more gotten to look him in the eyes.

It’ll hurt, but pain is an old friend.

He doesn't say anything for the longest time, but you can hear the cogs churning in his brain. "You mean ... You don't want to go with me, after all this time?"

You glance over your shoulder to the door to the kitchen area. "I ... Care much for the boy, and I know you tend to carry grudges. I don't intend to be involved with that."

"You don't have to be!" Buggy insists, almost urgently, like he's afraid you'll leave on the dot. "You can stay with me, and whatever business I have with the rubbery pri-... I- I mean, the kid, I'll keep it to myself."

You spend a second looking down at him, scrutinizing him of any signs that he's being false, before you avert your gaze back to the waves. Truth be told, you've never thought much of what to do once you left Luffy's crew. 

As far as you're concerned, you don't have anywhere to go back to. Maybe you'll return to Foosha village, pay Makino a visit, or maybe you'll become a wayward at sea. Make coin where you can, visit Shanks sometime?

But joining Buggy?

Now that's a thought you never believed would cross your head for a long time.

"I won't be a good circus performer," you admit.

He makes a pfsssssh sound, tongue waggling out of his mouth. "'Course you'd be! The strongest woman in all of East-Blue! People will bankrupt themselves just to see you in action! C'mon, just think about it!"

You bury the urge to remind him that if anyone will commit any bankrupting, it'll be him. Joining Buggy's crew, after so long? A part of you thinks that it can open a window of opportunity to provide closure. Grant him a chance to make up for his misdeeds.

Another part reminds you that the pain he once brought caused you two decades of misery, so why give him the opportunity to attempt the same once more? In all your life, only he’s ever possessed the power to render you so small. 

You might be among the strongest pirates across the seas, but someone always held you by a leash; dragged you, pulled you into every direction, and demanded your obedience. Rogers freed you from the leash altogether, but Buggy remains the only person you freely gave your leash to. You gave it to him, and he let it go.

Are you willing to hand it back to him, knowing what happened last time?

How does the saying go? 

Bite you once and twice, shame and all that.

"We should head back inside."

———

Coco Village, you think, is a lonely place; void of life; desolate. It reminds you of where you originally came from before Rogers brought you onto his crew all those years ago. A hollow replica of how it used to be.

A feeling of cold stretches across your skin at the memory of it all, like a layer of frost having come back to torment you. 

You glance around at the halfway-demolished huts, and you see its denizens with nothing behind their eyes. Whatever hope once resided in their hearts abandoned them long ago. It brings you no joy, but it doesn’t necessarily bring you any melancholy either.

It is not your sorrow to bear.

Nojiko’s cabin, on the other hand, seems like a pleasant reprieve. It’s not much, but judging by the delicate way she handles herself and her equipment, it’s a home.

A home hanging on a thread from Arlong’s pointy nose.

While Sanji’s helping Nojiko clean the plates, you’re seated across from Usopp, with Buggy’s head poised between you on top of the table. Wherever Luffy and Zoro are outside, you’re certain they’re concocting some sort of plan to get Nami out. 

It’ll be the first time he’ll have to make up a thorough plan, rather than making it up as he goes as he’s done so far.

You’re curious as to how it’ll go, though you’ll follow nonetheless. Your presence here with them depends on whether he’ll make it, and if he does, you’ll finally part ways.

You love Luffy, almost more than you’ve loved anyone else in your entire life. You were there to watch him grow, you were there to patch him up, to make sure he had food when Makino couldn’t afford to spare any. 

You love his hair, his eyes, the way his smile all but brightens up any dark corner in any room. You love him so much so that you’ll leave the moment you know he doesn’t need you anymore.

The thought, while maintaining a rooted spot in your brain, lessens your appetite and causes you to play with the food on your plate. It’s long since grown cold in your negligence.

Suddenly, a loud "BOOM!!" promptly snaps you out of your mindscape and back to reality. Buggy cackles, and although you're not the intended target of his joke, it still irks you to some limited extent.

"Can you just be quiet?"

"Aw, come on. Where's the fun in that?" There's a malicious glint in the clown's eye. "Do you really think your little toys can get through the skin of a fish-man?"

You have to commend Usopp for his resilience. "These are smoke bombs."

"Smoke. That's rich..." Trailing off, Buggy eyes your meal with the subtlety of a puppy looking for scraps, licking his chapped lips. "Makes me think of how long it's been since I've had any smoked fish." 

You spare him a wayward glance, fork ceasing its massacre of the flesh on your plate. Usopp notices the change almost instantaneously as he tinkers with his makeshift bomb.

The reply from the slingshot is quick. “Don’t give it to him.”

“As opposed to what?” You quirk an unbothered eyebrow. “Let Sanji’s meal go to waste?”

“Eat it yourself, then! You’ve hardly had any!”

“I’m not particularly hungry at the moment, and it’s either the trash or the clown.”

Usopp scoffs. “Like there’s a difference.”

“HEY! I’M RIGHT HERE, ASSHAT!”

Sanji perks up at the commotion and looks at you from over his shoulder, hands still wet from the washing. “I do hope you’re not discussing the possibility of discarding my food. Not when Nojiko has been so lenient as to lend us the necessary ingredients?”

Usopp shakes his head. “It’s worse! She wants to give it to the fucking clown!”

Sanji glances at you, and he speaks in that soft tone he primarily reserves for the women in his company. “Was my meal not to your satisfaction, Madam?” 

You incline your head to him in a way that’s meant to convey approval. “It was, make no mistake of it, but I’m afraid that my appetite is rather lacking at the moment.”

Buggy looks between the two of you, and his mood sours considerably. It’s as though a fire is burning in the back of the room, and the scorch threatens to incinerate the furniture and all the people inside. He halfway hopes it will, but although his Devil Fruit has granted him a plethora of powers people can only hope to dream of, prokinetics are evidently out of his reach.

No one notices, however.

Then, a minute goes by, and Sanji finally shrugs. “As much as I can’t condone Usopp’s anger, I can’t condone a good meal being wasted. Do with it as you please, my lady.”

Buggy guffaws while Usopp pales, but your face stays the way it’s always done. If anyone were to notice the way you discreetly inch the plate towards Buggy, they keep their opinions to themselves. 

If Buggy stares at you like you hung the moon and the sun in the sky, you keep your observations to yourself.

You don’t say a word, but you want to say a lot. 

You wish to say more than you've ever said before.

But you don’t.

———

Taglist: @kurinhimenezu, @carpinchootaku, @ay0nha, @teh-vampire-bunny, @lokiscure, @internationalsuper-spy, @detectivesparrow , @yuriwk , @notyuralycat , @angeli-fucking-cat , @machinema7k , @shuujin, @avatar-lover, @gingernut1314, @autumn-slaves. @marvelouskatie, @floristoflillys, @dizzyenby, @redpool, @deliri-yum22, @aemondsb1tch, @ackroxia, @gayandfairycore, @knightsfavoriteprincess, @asterizee, @aamethyst23, @lizzie1107, @cyberwears, @heylookliisten, @f41k47, @beep-beep1, @crimsonflameproxy, @unpopular-sober-thoughts, @rayleeya, @timeladyrikaofgallifrey, @fanshavegottensotoxic, @fluffybunnyu, @sirenmelody23, @neenieweenie, @kassandrasowl, @matthewjstarling, @fisshil

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[maiko-san]

TADC x Robotic Jester! Reader (Part 3)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Continuation of the previous parts :D, I literally forgot one character that is Kaufmo. Even though he's not in the pilot, the poor guy deserves love! I know this is a short chapter but Kaufmo kinda deserves one tbh. Too many Jax x readers around lol.

ft. Kaufmo

Warning : slight angst

There's nothing much to do around the circus as of late, Caine had been busy with his work/project and the others are doing their own things or minding their own business.

You're in Gangle's room and watch her draw characters from anime, even though she couldn't remember much about the characters or how they used to look like. Every time she draws, she feels that she is getting the characters so right!

"Look, here (Y/o/n)!" Gangle smiles as she holds up her finished drawing of an animal with a large red hat.

"A raccoon?" you questioned tilting your head to the side. "No, silly! It's a reindeer! A doctor too!" Gangle said. "Hehehe~ I'm just messing with ya, Ribbons!" you said.

"Hey, look what I've drawn!" you said. Holding up a badly drawn of yourself with Gangle with the word 'Weeb Besties' on top with hearts all over. Gangle gasps and takes the paper from you, "I'm going to pin it on my wall!" she said, hugging the drawing. She walks over to her board and pins it on the large board filled with all kinds of arts she had done.

"(Y/o/n), let's play mario—" before Gangle could finish, both of you were teleported to the stage.

Turns out, there were new people on the stage.

Kaufmo

A clown?! Gasps! A stage buddy! Yippe :D

Kaufmo, a name that was given to the newcomer by Caine. At first, the poor guy was in a panic mess, well who wouldn't when you enter a whole different dimension in an instant.

"What—wh—where am I?! Why can't I get this thing off?????!!!" Kaufmo shrieks as he begin pulling on his face, Jax snorts "Try pulling harder, maybe you could rip—" you instantly slaps your hand on the rabbits's mouth to shut him up.

LICK— "Waa! Eew! Gross!" you cringe when Jax licks your palm as the purple rabbit gives you a smug grin.

Caine had taken Kaufmo on an instant tour around the place.

The clown didn't take it too well.

The guy was in a nervous wreck and running around the tent to find an escape from the digital realm.

"Exit! Where's the exit!" he shrieked. Jax on the other hand kinda had enough with his screaming and left, leaving you and the others.

"Alright, let's calm down and take a deep breath" Ragatha said as she walked over to Kaufmo to calm him down.

Due to Ragatha's expertise at calming people, Kaufmo finally calms down.

Everyone introduced themselves to the clown and it was your turn, "Hello, there Kaufmo! My name is (Y/o/n) the robotic jester! Hey, wanna hear a joke?" you said with a grin.

Somehow both of you became partners in the circus!

You and Kaufmo would do tricks together and tell jokes to each other, even Kaufmo's jokes weren't the best ( most of his jokes were consists of dad jokes btw ). Being a good partner, you help him improve!

Like Kinger, Kaufmo sees you as a good friend. Like you do with Gangle, you protect him from Jax's pranks and mockeries.

But even when you try to get his mind off the exit, it won't stop him or change his mind. Kaufmo were glad that you wanted to help him but....

He really wants to go home.....

"(Y/o/n)....I'm thankful that you want to help me but...I miss home and...my family. I know they are waiting for me" Kaufmo said. with a deep frown on his face. You stare into his black beady eyes as you rub your arm and look away.

"Don't you miss yours, (Y/o/n)?" your eyes widen slightly at Kaufmo's question, "I wish I could be like you, ya know....Like don't worry about anything at all? All of your feelings are so genuine unlike the others, like you belong in this place....." Kaufmo said, fiddling with his gloves.

"Well, I— uh" you were cut off by a voice.

"Now, what's with all of these frowning I see?" a voice echoes, both of you look up to see the moon looking down at the two of you.

"Oh, w-we were just talking...." you said, rubbing the back of your neck "I-I I think I want to go back to my room, see you tomorrow I guess..." you said as you speed your way back to your room. On your way, you see Jax walking by and he sees you. He folds his arms behind him and extends his leg once you got close.

He trips you as you fall on the ground, but you were too deep in your thoughts to even bother about Jax tripping you.

A question mark appears on Jax's head as he watches you enter your designated room, slamming the door shut. Jax's grin left his lips, he never sees you acting like that before and it kinda bothers him to see you like that.

"Pft....they'll get over it" he snorts as he walks away but he still couldn't shake off the feelings.

Once you're in your room, you lock the door and lean on the wooden door before sliding down and sit on the floor. You cover your face with your hands and cry.....

Now that Kaufmo said it, "I u-understand how it felt...." you mumbled to yourself. Yes, you also miss your family.

Especially your beloved uncle, you couldn't remember what he look like anymore and every time you want to remember, it was all a blur in your mind.....

He was the only family you had left.....

You'd hope that he's doing alright....

You look up at a drawn picture of yourself (avatar form) and a man with a question mark on his face, both of you are holding hands.

There is a word written, "Greatest Uncle in the world".

"I...I miss you" you sobbed, rubbing away your tears.

[aziraphales-library]

Lost Fic #180

1. Good morrow dearest Mods Firstly thank you for all the good work that you all do for the fandom because this was really impressive when i first stumbled upon it and easy to sieve through. Really Wowwww I'm not much of a fanfic reader myself, but there was the monologue that stuck with me from a tiktok edit and I really want to find which fanfiction was it from (since i couldn't find the edit anymore :"") (Im regurgitating whatever i can remember so please bare with me, i hope it wouldnt be so painful.) It was from the POV of God but the narrator refers to God as "She". She talks about making Crowley and Aziraphale. Being the first to break Crowley's heart. And then she invents Creativity for Crowley because She owes him that at least. She gives Aziraphale a sword but then will give it away on his own will. She did not give Aziraphale a heart but he invented it himself. From what I remember there was no dialogue in this part of the piece. (But I wouldn't know for sure since I've never read it before...) I tried tagging From POV of God Good Omens in AO3, but I couldn't find it either If it happens to not have existed, that's alright, however are there some fanfictions that are similar to this? With the kind of emo yet touching written by God feel narration about the husbands with not much much dialogue, like as if She was just watching from above. The kind of outsider feel with the insider knowledge AHAHAHA I'm not sure how to describe it. Emotionally like bittersweet tea with a dash of honey. Thank you, and I wish you lovely days to come mods &lt;3 - @whiskedawaybythewind

2. I'm sorry, but I'm looking for a Fic it was a Muriel & Crowley, and there was this scene where Crowley finds out that Aziraphale regrets his decision because a Pen that he (Aziraphale) stole, and send with muriel so he can understand the message. I don't remember much more, :( - anon

3. Hi! I’m looking for a relatively new fic I read a while back. It featured Azi and Crowley living in the South Downs and Crowley is snatched while out grocery shopping by a gang of mafia guys, and they ransom him to Azi, who shows up and calmly scares the shit out of them by telling them he’s “The Bookseller.” I can’t find it to save my life and I want to reread it! - @doodlegirll

4. Hello dears! First off, thank you so much for all the work you do for the fandom. I was wondering if you could help me find a fic. Aziraphale is discorporated during WW1 and Crowley was sleeping and didn't know. During the church scene in 1941, when Crowley comes aziraphale has a flashback and is barely able to save them. They talk about it after. Thanks again! - @candysunset27

5. Hi!! I’ve been going through this account for a while and it’s been so so great finding tons of fics with all the tropes I love!! There’s this one fic I saw that I can’t remember and I was really hoping you could help me find it! From what I do remember in the fic, Aziraphale is suicidal, and keeps on discorporating himself. If it’s too much of an ask I totally understand- Take all the time you need !!! 💖💖💖💖💖 - anon

If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)

- Mod D

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Part 2 of this (diavolo & lucifer being very gay in canon) because I ran out of space in the first one

1. The entire Devildom thinks Diavolo & Lucifer are dating/in love;

2. It just sounds cute okay

3. Diavolo apparently notices when Lucifer's pupil dilates by 2mm 😐

4. Diavolo probably has a 500pg book about how great Lucifer is

5. Remember how much Diavolo gushed about Lucifer's butler uniform, took a lot of pictures of it etc? Apparently he saved that uniform or had a new one made, then took the first chance he saw

6. Cottagecore?

7. Diavolo finds Lucifer sneezing cute😬

8. Diavolo prioritises Lucifer over everything, even his own kingdom & the way Simeon keeps poking at it & Diavolo keep avoiding directly answering him + Simeon later teases Lucifer about Diavolo liking him in S3👀

9. The snow sculpture which looked incredibly realistic and had absolutely nothing to do with Christmas

Can't have more screenshots so here's some important conversation word for word:

10. Diavolo, after meeting Lucifer for the first time, Lucifer tries his best to act like an ass to make Diavolo hate him but Diavolo still treats him kindly. Lucifer despises Diavolo at the moment because he's a Demon who according to Lucifer & the Celestial Realm can't even have a "well-ordered society". Diavolo somehow in a single night manages to form a crack in Lucifer's prejudices & make him doubt his Father who he holds in very high esteem. Diavolo also uses chess to prove his point about creating peace and a balance between the three worlds. This is the conversation that follows:

Lucifer (an angel): I see. ...Diavolo. Your strategy truly is fascinating. Do you think we could get together sometime? I'd like to learn more about it.

Diavolo: Are you talking about chess now? Or the nature of our relationship?

Lucifer: Heh...

^The ambiguity Lucifer uses when talking gives that old queer feeling of: Our relationship (whatever it may be) is very forbidden and anyone catching wind of it will be bad so for plausible deniability I'm going to tie the true meaning of this conversation to something more innocuous

11. Conversation they have after this^ flashback/particular conversation:

Diavolo: ...That's when you finally held out your hand to me, and we shook. The way you radiated charm as you smiled at me. I still remember it like it was yesterday. When I saw the look on your face I was convinced. You were fair and righteous, someone who would be able to lend an ear to anyone, to listen to what they had to say. Someone who had a truly beautiful spirit.

In other words Diavolo has the worst case of rose-tinted glasses, specially considering Lucifer was choking Mammon & trying to rip his arm of while Diavolo said all this.

12. Diavolo (in demon form): Back when he was an angel, he was so divine, so awe-inspiring that it was intimidating. But now he's attractive in a different sort of way. He draws your eye toward him and then doesn't let go. He truly is worthy of the moniker "Morning Star"! Even steeped in the darkness of the Devildom, he shines just as brilliantly as ever!

Lucifer (in demon form), blushing: ...Diavolo, could we change the subject, please?

Lucifer (in demon form): I've told you that it embarrasses me when you shower me with such excessive praise in public.

Diavolo (in demon form): Afterall you're already beautiful enough as it is!

a.) This is Gomez Addams level of devoted jfc

b ) Diavolo was straight up reciting poetry at one point

c.)......What's with "in public"....so it's fine in private?

d.) Diavolo gushing about Lucifer has the same energy as Mammon gushing about MC

e.) What do I have to do for someone to be this in to me?

13. Diavolo has multiple copies of Lucifer in a swimsuit saved in different places (not the swimsuit he wears around MC & his brothers btw but the one he wears around Diavolo which is actually just trunks and & an open hoodie/shirt)

14. Diavolo might actually have a whole file of rare pictures of Lucifer? He's got the butler ones, the swimsuit ones and the candid glasses one that he threatened some poor guy to delete after saving a copy for himself

15. The ship in a bottle that Diavolo gave Lucifer, that he loves so much he keeps it in a place where he can always see it

16. Lucifer: No, that scream was far too vile to have come from Diavolo.

....so you know what he sounds like when he screams and you think it sounds good...?🤨

17. Diavolo gives a flustered Lucifer a piggyback ride around RAD

[gravedigginbbydoll]

Hawkins University : The Munson Edition

AN: Hey y'all! I'm beyond sorry for the wait but I've been busy with moving and everything. This chapter is a bit of a shorter one, so I'm sorry. But it's comforting. Also, I swear there will be MUCH SMUT next chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Also pls, remember that reblogs and comments are appreciated! I love feedback!

→ cliches: friends to lovers, heavy use of nicknames instead of Y/N, we're all just struggling college kids, Music Tutor! Eddie, Resident Assistant! Reader, good girl x bad boy, instant connections, 'I don't trust most people but I trust you', 'are we friends or more?', and 'I can't believe you're such a slut that you have a special dtf drawer...'

→ warnings: mature topics, insecurity, hurt and comfort, drinking and drug usage, strong language, bullying, mental health, discussion of suicide and self harm, mature thoughts, eventual smut, minors dni

→ pairing: modern!college!eddie x college!fem!reader

<Previous Masterlist Next>

Chapter 7

Eddie's POV

Eddie hadn’t heard from you for almost 2 weeks. He was beside himself with worry. At the party, had been discussing with Chrissy about his costume when Argyle came up to him, rambling about you rushing out the door. Eddie felt his stomach sink. He was originally looking for you, but Chrissy had stopped him.  She asked him what he was, and Eddie began playing off as the goofy class clown he was known as so as to hide the hurt she caused when he had last seen her. 

After Argyle let him know about you rushing out the door, Eddie looked everywhere for you. The bookstore at the corner of Hawkins Town Square where you loved to thumb through stacks of old and well loved books. The coffee shop that doubled as a bar that was open late on the edge of campus, where you loved curling up on the velour dark green loveseat. Mr. Frosty’s, where you and Eddie first felt a tug to one another. You were nowhere to be found. 

Eddie had called you over and over, voice raw by the 50th voicemail. His heart had felt sore, his mind swimming with worries. You were so strong and consistently hid your true feelings, trying to appear perfect. Eddie never pried too far, scared to push you away. 

By 4 am, Eddie returned home, a small part of his heart hoping you would be on his sofa, the extra key he had given you in use. But he came into an empty and cold apartment, not a soul in sight. 

Eddie had seen you the following week in class, later than usual, sitting in the back. He felt relief flooding his veins, about to speak to you once the class was over. However, he was stumped after you rushed out of class, feeling stung. 

He asked around, no one seeming to know what happened to you to have you give Eddie the cold shoulder. To have you look so…hollow. 

Until he got to Robin. 

He had begged her to tell him what happened, her eyes betraying her with worry and nervousness. She sighed, giving in slightly but her answer just puzzled Eddie even more. 

“Look Eddie, I can’t tell you. It’s not my place. Just give her some time, okay?”

Eddie couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t eat. He felt his heart sink deeper and deeper the longer this went on. You didn’t answer texts or calls. He felt like his stability was crumbling. 

But he clung to the hope that something would change. 

Eddie had waited until the two weeks were over to text you via Steve’s phone. 

Can we talk? 

He felt his heart leap out of his chest when you responded. 

Sure

I can head over around 4

Just don’t tell Eddie, k?

Eddie’s stomach twisted in knots, guilt consuming him. He shouldn’t have pretended to be Steve, and it was clear that Steve was aware of the situation but was staying out of it. He just wanted his old best friend back. Or at least to apologize. 

Eddie waited by the door, pacing back and forth, his insides flopping like a fish. He didn’t know how you’d react to the set up. Or if you would even stay. 

A knock sounded at the door, causing Eddie to jump and his heart to beat faster. He opened the door, staying behind it as you walked in, rambling. You were clearly frazzled, still in your work polo, a cup of iced coffee in one hand and your keys in the other. Eddie let you talk, his heart pounding as he softly closed the door, your back to him. 

“Look, I don’t know what Robin told you but I just need some space and time. I know-” 

“Bug…,” Eddie softly interrupted, hands shaking as he let the familiar nickname escape his mouth. 

You froze in place, turning around to look at Eddie. His heart broke as he saw your tired eyes and almost sickly face. You looked on the verge of tears. Your hands tightened on your coffee, your knees a bit shaky. 

“Eddie…Did you text me?,” You asked, your voice quivering with emotion. Eddie couldn’t pinpoint exactly what the feeling was but he felt a tug at his heart. He nodded, causing you to sigh shakily, your shoulders slumping. 

“I…I have to go,” You muttered, eyes glassy with unshed tears, trying to rush past Eddie to the door. 

Eddie felt panic prick at his nerves as he stepped in front of you, eyes sorrowful and longing. He leaned down to meet your gaze that was trying to focus on the welcome mat at the door. 

“Please…Just…tell me what happened? I can’t stand this…I miss my best friend,” Eddie choked out, his throat tightening as he felt the prick of tears at the back of his eyes. His hands clenched and unclenched, trying to reach out to you. 

You bit your lip, looking at Eddie's shaky hands. You stayed quiet for a bit. Finally, when you spoke up, your voice was thick with tears, Eddie realizing as they ran down your face, your soft sniffles practically echoing in the room. “I don’t want to lose you… But I can’t be friends anymore,” You sobbed, your shoulders shaking. 

Eddie felt his heart shatter, his hands shaking as he tried to reach out to touch you but stopped himself, clenching his fist. He was desperate at this point. His words flowed out without any walls up, a rare occasion for the Munson boy. 

“Please, I’ll do anything. Hell, I’ll even beg. Just let me know what I did wrong, or what happened… You’re the best person I’ve ever met and I’d be lost without you…I miss our sleepovers, our late night talks, our cuddle sessions, the way you talk me down from an anxiety attack…the way we are both so different yet so alike. You’re like this bright star full of warmth and I can’t stand the thought of losing you and never knowing how in the world I fucked up so badly, I-,” Eddie rushed out, sobs shaking his tall frame, his nose and eyes tinged red now, his eyes stinging from the salty tears. 

You shook softly, crying as Eddie rambled, shaking your head. “I just… God it’s pathetic…” 

Eddie came closer, grabbing your shoulder softly to try and look into your eyes despite his blurred vision. “P-please, Bug. Please…” 

You looked up at the ceiling rather than Eddie, your tears flowing steadily. Eddie felt his heart break once again. Girls full of mystery and humbleness and sunshine through the clouds and soft cozy days shouldn’t sob. At least not because of their idiot fucked up and grumpy metalhead friends. 

“I… I like you Eddie. I have for a while. You’re easy to be around and always know what to say and do. You’re so unapologetically…you. And I tried to push down the feelings and ignore them. It was working. For a while, at least. But then I saw you with that girl at the party and heard Steve mention some hot girl you liked and…I couldn’t handle the hurt. I’m sorry,” Your voice shook as you tried to keep your voice calm and without letting the sobs wrack your body. 

Eddie’s heart somehow lifted up into his throat and sank into his shoes at the same time. How did he not see it before? He had been so blindsided by trying to ignore his own budding feelings for you that he hurt you. 

You looked so tired and shaky, eyes still avoiding him. You tried to brush past him yet again. Eddie felt his heart leap as he rushed to grab your hand, stopping you. 

“Bug…please…I like you too.” 

You turned with a humorless laugh, eyes still glossy but you were holding back tears. Eddie felt a prick of confusion and hurt. 

“Yeah right, Eds. Just, please don’t lie to me. It’s okay. I’ll get over it,” You sighed, voice sharp with hurt. 

“I’m not lying,” Eddie said sternly, his eyes trying to peer into your own. You looked at him for the first time since entering through his door, your face guarded from emotion despite your eyes. 

“Eddie…you’re you. And I’m me. You have a different person over every week, you have a reputation. I'm a boring college girl with a thankless snitchy job and no one tries to come on to me. Just…stop lying,” You said bitterly, your voice soft despite the sharp edges in your words. 

Eddie felt his blood boil and his heart squeezed with sorrow. How could you not see everything you meant to him? How could you not see how funny and unique you were? How amazing and accomplished? “Look, maybe I’m Eddie ‘The Manwhore’ Munson, but I’ve stopped hooking up with people. For a while now. Since I’ve known you. I was talking to Chrissy at the party and joking around because she asked about my costume. But I wasn’t flirting. I hadn’t seen her since early September.” 

You looked away, folding in on yourself, your shoulders deflated. Eddie couldn’t stand the pout on your lips, the furrow on your brow. He wanted to kiss them away. 

“You’re all I’ve thought of and the only person I’ve ever needed so strongly in my life. You’re so amazing and you don’t even see it, Bug. Let me show you. Please,” Eddie pleaded, tilting your chin up to look at him, your eyes wide and full of fear and shock. He felt his heart trying to break free of his ribcage, his emotions coming over him in waves. His eyes flitted back and forth between your parted lips and red rimmed eyes, the invisible tug towards you strong. Your eyelids fluttered as you nodded, sighing out softly. 

Eddie leaned down slowly, still holding your chin in his hand before softly kissing your lips, his mouth slightly chapped against your soft mouth. He was gentle and slow, holding your jaw as if he was scared you’d break. When you finally pulled away, you both stared at each other. Eddie saw the clear shock and flustered expression on your face, reveling in your sudden shyness. 

“See,” He teased in a soft whisper. “I like you, dumbass.” 

You smiled softly up at him, laughing a bit. 

Eddie’s heart soared. You were worth the risk. 

Taglist: @josephquinnsfreckles @corrodedcoffincumslut @kirisuteg0men @bebe07011 @amira0303 @vintagehellfire @lottie-90 @animechick555

[tunnelofphriendship]

on phandom whiteness, race and stereotypes

I've been meaning to make this post for a while. I have never been very active in this fandom space, and part of that has been due to a discomfort I have felt that i have never felt i could discuss openly. So while I want to be a part of this phandom, I need to adress the elephant in the room and I want this sideblog I created to be a space where others like me can feel safe to voice their feelings and thoughts.

To preface this, I am not looking to "cancel" dan and phil. I just want to talk about my experiences both as a hardcore phan for years, and as someone who deviates from the usual dnp fan: I'm not a white person from Europe, US, Canada.

To put it bluntly, some of their videos are extremely hard to watch and enjoy and it makes me feel alienated when no one talks about it. There is no media without "problematic" elements, but I feel like in other fandom spaces people at least talk about elements worth questioning because they may be offensive or ignorant.* And yet dan and phil are hailed as "unproblematic kings" when this is not the case at all, and it's hard to bring up how I feel.

I'm not looking to make a comprehensive list of everything they've said, but I will talk about a few examples to illustrate what I mean.

Sexy Internet Dating (1:59-2:03)

d: whats yo name

p: i like how the guinea pig is now a sassy black woman

A Day in the Life of Phil and Dan! (3:58-4:03)

p: Suncream d: suncream for your albino face p: yea d: i don't need it because i'm already black

Does anyone remember the Mexican Dan thing? He seems to have deleted most of the things associated with that period where he was tan and "jokingly" fancied himself a different race because of it but this little window to that time remains in one of the most beloved videos of all time. Can you see how this might be hard to watch? When even the most iconic videos they've made are sprinkled with little instances of ignorant comments like this?

And let me be clear, I know this was ages ago. I'm aware they might have grown and changed. What really gets to me is how nobody in the phandom ever talks about these moments. It makes me really lonely and disappointed that everyone turns a blind eye to things that might tarnish the image of their faves.

Like for example, the pewdiepie situation. I'm not going to discuss everything he did and said. But imagine how it might feel as a non-white fan to want to rewatch old dnpgames videos and find that they kept their videos with him up all this time:

They were clearly quite friendly with F*lix. Besides these videos, Felix is also casually mentioned in some of their videos and livestreams from the time before he was "cancelled" (more on that later). But did they ever say anything condemning his actions? I think that given how they had collaborated and were friends, I would expect them to say SOMETHING rather than just never speak on the matter (as far as I know, the closest they got to this was in a liveshow where dan said he had had "a conversation" with felix in a way that implied he disapproved of his actions.) Or at the very very least, is it really that hard to delete a video? They have deleted old videos for a variety of reasons. How is collabing with a known racist not reason enough to go through the trouble of deleting a video? But deleting other videos just because they're a bit"cringey" is worth that time?

I just wonder how regretful they really are at having been friends and collaborators with him. In fact, part of me wonders if they are still friends behind the scenes. If this is ever confirmed btw, that will cause me to stop watching them forever. And they might still be friends in their little white circle for all we know. After all dan and phil are long time friends of KickthePj. And PJ is STILL friends with pewdiepie.

Now, besides PJ being dnp's friend and having once been part of the phantastic foursome, I don't care much for his content except for when dan and phil have been featured (lol sorry not sorry). And this might be the case for many of you as well! But some of you ARE avid kickthepj fans and decided to ignore the fact that he uploaded a video with pewdiepie last month. There is no plausible deniability here anymore. Despite the harms pewdiepie has done in internet spaces--and how that extends to real life--NOBODY said anything about how kickthepj doesn't care enough (or at all) to simply NOT make a video with pewdiepie.

It's staggering to me that no one cares. It's shocking to me that in these videos i've mentioned, you go to the comment section and everyone will be happily enjoying the video with no mention of these things.

Is this what being "cancelled" looks like? It seems to me like with the passage of time, Pewdiepie and his friends and followers just want to sweep it all under the rug. How is it that the internet will tear a man to shreds for plagiarism but then find it in themselves to excuse racism?

Why does no one care? Is it because this space is overwhelmingly white? I think so. I think it's a conscious choice to turn a blind eye when it's convenient. So I just wanted to make this post to say that if you ever feel alienated by the white ignorance of dnp or their circle of their fans, then you can come talk to me and I won't ignore you.

I want to be a part of this phandom, I really love dan and phil, but I'm not going to "stan" them. I'm not going to make excuses for them. And I'm not going to keep quiet just so I can be a part of this fandom without making the vast majority of white fans uncomfortable.

*I'm thinking of my experiences in the supernatural fandom. (Although, i'm not saying it's perfect. There are certainly a number of fics that have made me feel very disappointed inthe creator for falling into the trap of racial stereotypes in OCs and stuff like that, and despite that so many people enjoy it and include it in rec lists.)

[fyregrayfong]

This Is How It Feels | Part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Pairing: Regina Mills x Reader

Warnings: injury

Word Count: 1.7k

The morning air was crisp as you left the cozy embrace of the tavern, your boots clunking lightly on the worn steps. With the weight of your backpack snug against your shoulders, you stepped into Granny's Diner, where the black and white checkered floor gleamed under the morning sun. There, you spotted Henry, engrossed in a thick leather-bound book at the bar counter.

"Hey, Henry!" you called out, a smile gracing your lips as you approached.

Henry glanced up, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Hey, y/n. What brings you out, are you heading out already?

"Uhh…no actually I was gonna just head for a little camping trip in the woods," you replied, gesturing towards her backpack. "What about you?"

"Just needed some fresh air before school," Henry shrugged, his gaze returning to the book. "Sometimes I feel like I'm just in the way around here."

Your heart went out to him, and you slid onto the stool beside him. "I'm sorry to hear that. Wanna talk about what’s going on?"

Henry paused, contemplating his words.  “My family are all kind of like heroes. They are always helping people in town with their troubles. My mom is the mayor and my other mom is the sheriff. My grandmother’s…was…a teacher and my grandfather was a deputy. They like to serve people. I try to help but I always end up getting in the way just stumbling in their shadows.” Henry's expression softened as he looked down at his hot chocolate. 

Listening empathetically, you reached for the coffee pitcher and poured yourself a cup, a thoughtful expression on your face. While you get a nasty glare from Granny but you continue on "It sounds like you're struggling to find your own path amidst their legacies."

“My own path?” he looks up at you and you nod while mixing the cream and sugar “yeah, it sounds like you're really grappling with finding your place among your family of heroes. That's completely understandable. I’m sure you feel a bit overwhelmed by their noble professions”

Henry nodded, his gaze fixed on his hot chocolate. "Yeah, exactly."

Henry nods as if that’s the issue then you continue as you slam the sugar container on the counter to get his attention “But here's the thing, you have your own strengths and passions that are unique to YOU. Have you thought about what really lights you up, what makes you feel alive? What makes Henry..well…Henry?"

Henry shrugs and shakes his head, and you give him a sympathetic nod "Maybe you don't see it yet, but I bet you have qualities that make you special in your own way. You don't have to be a carbon copy of your family members to make a difference. Heroism comes in all shapes and sizes, and it's about finding what feels right for you."

Henry hesitated, but your encouragement seemed to embolden him. "I've tried, but..."

“It’s scary but remember, Henry, it's okay to take your time figuring things out. Life's a journey, not a race. Keep exploring, keep learning, and don't be afraid to try new things. You'll find your place in the world, I'm sure of it." you put a hand on his shoulder giving it a light squeeze then offer him a smile. 

“Henry” Regina calls out to her son as he quickly looks over “mom! How much did you hear?”

Regina offers a kind smile and “very little. Come on we gotta get you to school” Henry nods, grabbing his bookbag and the book. He walks with Regina to the door then stops to turn around “Hey y/n?”

You look up at him and see him give you a smile “thanks, it means a lot”

You offer him a smile and cheer your mug to him “anytime you need someone to talk to” he laughs and you notice Regina gives you a soft smile then mouths out a thank you as they walk out the diner. 

With a sense of contentment, you finished your coffee and left money on the counter, bidding goodbye to Granny as you stepped back into the sunlight.

---

As the afternoon sun dipped lower in the sky, you found yourself deep in the heart of the forest, surrounded by towering trees and the gentle rustle of leaves. Enjoying the hike and watching the birds and animals. You set up camp near a babbling brook, the sound of rushing water lulling you into a state of peace. You decide to take a moment to take some landscape photos and sketch for a bit. Capturing the golden hour of the day as the rays of the sun shine through the ceiling of trees. 

But as darkness fell, a sense of unease crept over her. Every snap of a twig sounded like an ominous warning, sending shivers down your spine. You look around for any possible predators. It could just be an opossum or maybe there’s a possibility of it being a bear. Setting your books down you stand grabbing a flashlight to make sure the space around your camp is secured. 

Suddenly, a low growl echoed through the forest, freezing you in your tracks. Your heart raced as you fumbled for the flashlight, keeping your cool. If this is a bear trying to get your sights on it first so you can find the best escape plan. 

Another noise of a twig snapping and your head turns quickly to the source of the noise. Slowly backing up towards your camp you crouch down to pack up your bag. A shuffle is heard a couple yards away and you point your flashlight over “who’s there!” 

There was no response, only the eerie silence of the woods. Your breath caught in your throat as you zip up the bag and then kick dirt into the campfire. You take a cautious step backwards, your senses on high alert.

That’s when you hear it. A loud howling noise is heard followed by what looks like a massive black shadow behind your shoulder. You take off in a full blown sprint. Hurdling over large trunks and ducking low branches as you try to run in the direction of the main road. You hear the growling getting closer and you hid behind a large tree. Taking a moment to breathe as you look around for a branch or maybe some rock formations you can climb to get higher ground. You peek over and see what looks smaller than a bear but bigger than a dog. You have no idea if it was possible for wolves to be located in this region. As far as you know there wasn’t. 

Okay, the road should only be about half a mile away. I can make it or atleast get closer to find help.

You take a deep breath and then find your courage and sprint off again. Hearing the growling again behind you but then, disaster struck, your foot gets caught on a hidden root, sending you tumbling to the ground with a sickening thud. Darkness engulfed your vision as your head connected with the forest floor, stars dancing behind your eyelids followed by total darkness.

---

When consciousness returned, you found yourself in unfamiliar surroundings, the soft glow of lamplight casting shadows across the room. Confusion clouded your thoughts until Regina's familiar face came into view, her touch a comforting anchor in your view of confusion. A sudden pain shoots your face “ouch” you wince. 

“Sorry” Regina whispers as she softly presses the cotton ball to your head. “Just cleaning the cut”

"Regina?" you murmured, your voice hoarse.

Regina's expression softened with relief. "You're awake. Thank goodness."

"What... what happened?" you ask, struggling to piece together the events that had led them here.

Regina sighed, her voice gentle. "Someone found you unconscious near the woods. You took quite a fall. But don't worry, you're safe now."

You nod as you get the information

Regina offered her a reassuring smile. "Just rest now. You'll be okay. I’m actually almost done here and I can give you a ride to Granny’s…"

"Thank you, Regina.” you offer her a warm smile as you find the strength to sit up on the couch “I appreciate the offer”

As she assured you of your safety, gratitude flooded your senses, mingled with a newfound appreciation for the kindness of others. 

–

As Regina walked you to your room at Granny's, you couldn't help but feel a sense of closeness between you. "Thank you, Regina. I really appreciate all your help tonight."

Regina's gaze softened, her eyes meeting yours with a warmth that sent a flutter through your chest. "Of course, y/n. I'm just glad I was able to find you in time."

You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips. "Yeah, me too. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't."

There was a pause, the air between you thick with unspoken words, until Regina spoke again, her voice soft. "Listen, y/n... I just wanted to say... I'm glad you're okay. I don't know what I would've done if something had happened to you."

Her words caught you off guard, and you felt a rush of warmth spread through you at the sincerity in her voice. "I... um, thanks, Regina. That means a lot."

Regina's gaze lingered on you, her expression unreadable, before she cleared her throat and stepped back, breaking the moment. "Well, um... I should let you rest. You've had a long night."

You nodded, though a part of you wished she would stay a little longer. "Yeah, I probably should. Thanks again, Regina. For everything."

With a small smile, Regina turned to leave, but before she did, she glanced back at you over her shoulder. "Get some rest, y/n. And if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

You watched her go, a smile playing at your lips as you settled into bed, the memory of her kindness filling you with a warmth that lingered long after she was gone. Maybe, just maybe, there was something more between you and Regina. And as you drifted off to sleep, you couldn't help but wonder what the future might hold.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

February Creator of the Month: Noesapphic

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists, and this month’s creator of the month is the lovely @noesapphic!   The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTM's can be found here.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Masterlist

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? 

Noe is fine, really!

More below...

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

I started in 2018. I was bored in a friend's house and fighting good old insomnia when I saw the app and tried it for funsies. The first book was 'High School Story'. 

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined around late 2018 early 2019 and I had just left my community in Amino because the admin had gone full puritanical dictator and I was curious about Tumblr.

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

It was simple: my nickname is Noe and I am a sapphic (aka lesbian). It's a no-brainer, really. 

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!  

It was a reblogged quote. I related to what it said and I reblogged it 

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

I write fanfiction. God did not grant me art skills I'm afraid. My fingers are too fat and my pulse is terrible. 

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

I've been creating for fandoms as long as I can remember. I've had a really troubled life, so creating stuff helped me. As for Choices, I've been creating stuff since 2019 

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Without a doubt, Desire and Decorum. The first book is simply a masterlist and its characters are so well-written, and everything about it just draws me to it. They definitely botched the other books, but it will always be in my heart. I also enjoy creating for other historical books and books that have similar themes 

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

It was a set of headcanons of Mr. Sinclaire and my MC, Celestine, finding out that they're going to be parents. While my spelling is terrible, I wouldn't change a thing. The engagement I received was such, it drove me to write for more. I haven't stopped creating since. 

9- What your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

It's no secret for anyone who pays attention to my blog: my au, The Cursed Heiress, is probably my best creation. It's complex and a juggernaut of lore and history, and has all I've ever wanted in a fic and book in it. Although a close second is my Tudor AU, For Love and Duty. I simply love the 'arranged marriage' trope 

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

The second part of a one shot, A True Man, was probably one of the most difficult to write, and with a very traumatising and important theme. I was 100% hoping anon hate telling me to delete it, but found instead that the people ate it up! It has now 30 notes (which is A LOT for a small fandom like the D&D one) and now that I reread it, I'm proud of what I created and the message I wanted to send, which resonates with happenings of my past and experiences. 

11 - If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

Definitely angst. There's something so cathartic and relieving as letting out those emotions you can't express out loud without being locked up for being unhinged, and it has helped me understand myself many times. Also, smut is def something that I can't physically write 😅 

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

There are small parts of me in every MC. A fragment of my past. Something of their lore that I went through. Something I aspire to be. Something I wanted to be once. I like to think that every writer leaves a part of their heart and soul with each character they create. 

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Ooof, where to begin. I think the hardest part is to just write. I can go on for weeks looking at my turned-off laptop and goof off on Tumblr. But when I do write, the 'boring' parts or writing a character that I am not familiar with or that there isn't much info about can be challenging. 

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Oof, where to begin, lol. My modern AUs, The Viscountess and Plan B. There's also Your Most Ardent Admirer and For Love and Duty. There's the fix-it fic series of the Blades LIs. Profiles of my MCs from several series. And also fic ideas that I want to create, but don't know where or how to start it. Woe is me indeed 😭 

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

Depends on the person. I would be very, very picky. I did show some parts of The Cursed Heiress to two trusted friends. But I wouldn't be against showing my mom a few chapters of The Viscountess… Unfortunately, she does not speak a word of English and I am terrible at translations, so it's wishful thinking, lol. 

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

For the published ones, Holly Black and Cassandra Clare have probably been my biggest help. Leigh Bardugo is also a newer inspo, and Spanish author Laura Gallego got me into fantasy, and anonymous author Bebi Fernández's raw and brutal prose have helped me find my voice. I have now bought George R.R Martin's Game of Thrones, looking for new sources to grasp. 

As for fandom-wise, the very first writer to inspire me unfortunately hasn't been active since the pandemic, and despite our differences, @hellospunkiebrewster 's writing and essays got me into Regency and its history. My thriving years were by her side, and I'm grateful of having had a great fandom friend and hyper. The most recent ones are @missameliep my amazing fandom mom (te quiero mami 🥰) and some pieces by @princess-geek 's writing have inspired me to expand my horizon. 

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

The Cursed Heiress, definitely. I think that my messages would resonate with many people. There's also The Viscountess: many people should see the messages Nicole, Anne and others have, and for what I have planned (and have been stalling out of laziness 🫣) would put things into perspective for many minorities and certain groups that are neglected by society and governments alike.  19- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

I am now at the outlining stages of making The Cursed Heiress an original novel. I tried many times to make my own novel, but always dropped it. But now that I've been for years with it, I feel like this might be the one project I dreamed of publishing one day. It's tough and scary, but I'm loving the ride so far. 

Also, I have tried my hand with poetry, but it didn't have engagement and felt like talking to a wall, so I now feel discouraged. But if someone out there is interested, lmk 👀 

20-  What other hobbies do you have?

Apart from literature, I love make-up, skincare, cooking and making gifs and videoedits. I also love travelling and discovering new adventures and learning as many languages as I am capable. I also love listening to music. Basically anything that has to do with the humanities and art, I'll take it. Also, I am very invested in modern royal gossip. I know, not very republican of me… 🫣😅 

21 - What’s your favorite emoji? 

Apparently, the one I use the most is 🫡🫶🏻👀. Heh, sounds like me, lol 

22: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

____

Two reminders to both creators and onlookers alike: 

Creators: making content is NOT a race or a chore. It's something you make just because, and share it with the world. If you don't enjoy it, it's not worth the effort. 

Onlookers: I know how much you may love X thing, but remember that behind that art, fic, etc, there's a person with real feelings, real life and that is taking off free time to make something. Enjoy it, reblog it (please, reblog the stuff you love) and if you don't like it, filter the tag, block and move on. It's really that simple. 

Also, happy Valentine's Day AND Black History Month to the black creators of Choices! You're awesome and we love you ❤ sending you love 🥰 

[reimeichan]

God it's so weird to look back through my life and be able to pinpoint exact moments that a specific alter was fronting. Back then we didn't even know we had DID (for the most part) yet this disorder has colored my life for almost as long as I've been alive.

When I was in high school, one of the elective classes I took was orchestra. I was super passionate about it; I would regularly stay after school to help the other orchestras in my school during rehearsal, which was basically unheard of at my school. I was known for loving not just playing the viola but also caring a lot about the group as a whole, taking time to help anyone struggling with specific parts of a piece or even to help set up the room for practice or the stage for performances. I took viola and orchestra very seriously.

But also.... I had a silly, playful side to me. Most anyone who knew me outside of orchestra knew this about me, but my director sure did not. So when it came time for the annual region-wide audition for the "top orchestra of the region" (region being a collection of several school districts), I was expected to audition like I had all the previous years. And, well, I suppose the me that was there on the day of the audition had other plans. Instead of playing the excerpts like she was asked to, she instead, in order: played a C major scale (the easiest scale to play on a viola), played a singular D major chord (but like, REALLY BADLY out of tune), and, the kicker: instead if playing the excerpt from Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 5 Movement 4, she played a part from *Movement 2* of the same symphony, AKA a piece our high school had played in front of every music educator in the state. So, yknow, it was obvious which school I'd come from.

When word got around to our director what had occurred, he was pissed beyond belief. He brought me into his office, and I could tell he was just absolutely dumbfounded and perplexed. He stated how I was "the last person [he] expected to pull something like that". I remember shrugging and kinda bluntly saying something rude back while feeling like he was making a big deal out of nothing, which would have been incredibly out of character for me as well as I adored that director- and I'm realizing now that the version of me who was in his office that day was neither the version of me who usually played in the orchestra, nor was that the version of me who pranked the audition process.

And like... it's wild to me that I can so clearly tell which parts of me were present for each of those moments. The one who's usually in orchestra? That's Gray (aka me), the goody two-shoes. The prankster was obviously Purple. And the one who had to deal with a disappointed director was Green. But at the time none of us were even consciously fronting or switching for any of that, it all happened so quickly and suddenly that it felt really disjointed. Hell, for years afterwards I'd still ask myself what possessed me to be an obvious prankster, or to snap back at my director like that. Well, I guess now I know I probably was possessed in some way (heh).

Just, yeah. Some rambling thoughts of the now I guess.

[itsgrimeytime]

Magnolia in May (Part Fourteen) || Rick Grimes (TWD) x Greene!f!reader Regency AU

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13...

MiM Taglist: @loliakeoghan23 @belaballs @curlycarley @queenie32 @mgparker

rick grimes taglist: @golden-hoax

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration (in honor of Speak Now Taylor's Version): Enchanted by Taylor Swift.

Summary: Your town was small, not the smallest you knew, but anyone of high fortune was the gossip of the week. Predictably, Richard Grimes was a thing of whispers -rumors of a search for marriage among the grassy hills. You weren't one to buy into town gossip, but something about him... just seemed a little too intriguing.

TWS: drama, yelling, crying, death mention, dueling mention, gun violence mention, mentioned infidelity, and angst.

[[A/N: Drama, have you ever wanted a man to duel over you??? Well, you just might get thatttt, you'll have to see :)))!!! Also, I know I promised The Nurse next, but my one true love regency drama got in the way. I'm so sorry!!! But soon, I swear. Enjoy this, for now, ly all <3 ]]

You hadn't heard it from him. That was what had bothered you the most, really, is that you heard through someone else -the whispers of the street. They had graced your ears before he had even stepped to tell you.

Your Headmistress was frozen, words that you couldn't hear echoing through the air and it almost felt like the entire square froze. Like the world had frozen right as your heart stuttered in your chest, your ears ringing, and your hands were shaking-

"Darling? Darling-" Headmistress was all you could see -big brown eyes peering at you in a concern you felt was rather unmatched, "-hey look at me, will you? 'Can't have you fainting in the square-"

Her voice wasn't her anymore, rather, a sort of muffled noise in the back of your head. Your throat felt dry, and suddenly, it felt as though you couldn't breathe. Like your lungs were tied with a rope, and no matter how hard you tried, they would not fill. Something in your head spun and your stomach twisted -a fear that gripped you unlike anything else you'd ever been afraid of.

The words, although they seemed to be in a tone you knew to be gossip, felt so real -bouncing around your skull.

"There is to be a duel in two days' time. The Grimes heir and the man who captured the heart of his estranged wife! Just dreadful."

"A little late for such a battle, is it not?"

You didn't know the women who spoke them, all big hats and lacy dresses -any feature you could see didn't ring to be familiar. The two spoke as if it were nothing. As if he wasn't... As if that wasn't a life-

"I'd hate to be the mistress."

"Darling," you felt hands holding your arms -guiding you, "-let's return to the carriage at once, such trips can happen later-"

You couldn't even remember the purpose now, your mind a rather foggy place, and all you could really hear was the pounding of your heart in your chest. It was a heavy sort of thud that rattled your head, and your breathing could hardly catch up. Yet, the Headmistress's steps were sure and evenly tempered -quick as to not let anyone see you in such a state. There were already rumors about your family, they truly didn't need to know more.

Before you could truly blink, you were brought into the carriage -the door shutting effectively silencing your brain. The buzz of the crowd was now not overwhelming, and yet, you still felt as if the wind had flown out of your lungs. Like the ground had crumbled beneath your feet like your entire world had shifted-

"Y/N dear, please, breathe."

You blinked, swallowing, fingertips brushing against the cushioned seats -bringing yourself down. Each breath is a slow, deep inhale, and your nails push into the fabric to keep you there. To steady you, as the roar of your heart became timid in the silence -quiet.

"D-Did you know?" you asked -slowly and shaky, there was something in your throat-

"No," she answered quickly, "-no. I know I've done my misdeeds, but believe me when I say this... This is something I would've told you."

"Do you-" you started, "-do you believe there could be truth to it? Could he-"

"Stop, no. We'll get nowhere with such conspiracies," Headmistress shushed, sitting forward to open the door ever-so-slightly -speaking to the driver, you assumed, "-it's best we hear it directly from the source."

That brought you to now, the Headmistress guiding you by the arm up the stairs to the Grimes estate -her stance was one of anger, and each worker almost seemed to be widely avoiding the both of you because of it.

Her face had twisted into a rather sour frown, the wrinkles in her face more prominent than you had ever seen them - a heavy furrow resting upon her eyebrows. It was all pinched together -you could feel such frustration, and you were sure if she had not held you by the arm, you would've run in the other direction as well.

And it only pushed forward, through doors through startled faces and orders halted on their lips -you were quite sure you had seen Mr. Dixon somewhere along the mix. You weren't focused though, everything grew rather blurry as tears began to gather behind your eyes -you merely wiped them away. You couldn't give any extra thought to them. You had too much to think about, too much-

Headmistress pushed open the door to his office like it was a public ladies' room, like she had every right to be there and like it was her own. Her face had not let up a smidge, the sour look only grew more bitter by the moment -the frown pulled further down her face and her hand grasping you ever so tighter. Mr. Grimes startled for a moment, standing at his feet at the sight of you -almost like he couldn't help it.

His eyes dipped to your red cheeks, evidence of you crying, and you watched the flex of his hand -as if he wished to wipe them away himself. Something in your stomach twisted.

"Ms. Elisa, Ms. Greene-" he breathed out -something like concern hidden deep in his tone, "-a lovely surprise. If you would've let me, I would've walked the two of ya in-"

"Mr. Grimes," your Headmistress interrupted -strong and confident, unwavering, "-we have come upon some rather disparaging news. I wish to have you settle the truth of such things."

He stilled, slightly, a leak of his composure and you were certain it had gone under Headmistress's radar but it hadn't your own. You could tell such things, his eyes spoke volumes but learning his tics had been something delightful for yourself. It felt rather distant now.

Your mouth opened before you could rationalize it, "Headmistress? May I... May I speak with him alone?"

She paused, brown eyes turning to you -flickering over your figure, "If you wish to, of course, dear, but-"

"I wish to," you answered, frankly, the sniffle of your nose rather loud in such a thick layer of tension, "-I believe I shall ask him such things on my own."

"If you insist," Headmistress frowned slightly, before squeezing your arm once -comforting, and stepping aside, "-I'll be by the door."

She spoke only to you, rather cold to the man in the room, but you knew of her reasons. She was always stubborn in such things, especially with things considering you or your sisters. You, briefly, wondered how long it would take her to forgive such faults.

Mr. Grimes spoke first, a sort of desperate plea hanging out in the empty air, "Ms. Greene-"

You sniffled, wiping at the bottom of your eye -hoping to clear up what you had shed, "Mr. Grimes, I believe you know why I'm here."

There was a long silence then, as he merely looked over you and you saw his hand fidget over his handkerchief for a split second before falling to his side once more. He looked at though he itched to approach you then, to care for you. You truly weren't sure how to feel.

"I do," he responded -finally.

"Then," you cleared your throat from the biting back of a sob, "-you must know of what I'm asking."

"I do..."

"Tell me," you started, slow and you could already feel the tears build up again, "-Tell me if it's true."

He spoke, a low, tired tone, "Ms. Greene, I never intended-"

"Do you not wish me to believe it?" you questioned, the silence in the room a thick layer of tension draped over the air -it almost felt choking.

He faltered, "Ms. Greene..."

"Then, tell me it isn't true. Tell me that it's all made up and I shall believe you-" you spoke in a rising sort of pitch before it all fell once more -desperation edging along your words, "-But... I believe you cannot tell me such a thing is a lie."

Mr. Grimes remained silent then, eyes rather downcast and despite his standing, he still felt sunk in. Hiding, ashamed. Like he had known this was the outcome.

And... perhaps he did.

Something in your chest snapped, despite asking, you hadn't expected the answer, "It's true, isn't it?"

"He spoke to me soon after ya left my estate," he spoke, a sort of desperate sort of tone -explaining, "-wouldn't leave until I spoke to him."

"He challenged you."

"He wasn't..." he sighed, a deep sort of heavy one, "-I could tell he wasn't of a right mind. I should've refused to speak to 'im-"

"What of the children?" you spoke, it all sounded sort of hollow now, "-what of... What of me, if you... if you-"

"Ms. Greene," he hummed, carefully, slowly, "-I hadn't... I didn't believe anyone had heard him. I didn't- I hadn't answered, he wasn't of the right mind. And then-"

"Someone heard you," you spoke, gathering the path on your own, "-and you were proposed again."

"Yes," he continued -defeated, almost, "-and a man propositioned to a duel would be a fool to refuse."

"You would be an alive fool," you spoke, now close to him -hands itching to reach out, to feel him beneath your fingertips, warm, breathing, "-alive."

"Y/N, please."

"Don't," you relented, "-don't speak as if you don't have a choice. You do."

"It is a matter of honor," Mr. Grimes continued -heavy with purpose, "-and I won't 'ave my name dragged through the dirt by someone who I used to trust the most."

"You wished to marry me," your voice broke -something in you grieving, "-how am I to marry a dead man?"

"Y/N, I wish to marry you, presently. This does not change-"

"No, I-" you cleared your throat, stepping back a measured few steps -clearing your throat, "-I cannot be promised to a man who may be dead in a few days' time. You must understand my worry."

"'Course, I do," he answered, moving forward the steps you took back staying within your space, "-I... I cannot imagine."

"And yet," you responded -broken and angry, "-you instill such an experience on me. On your children?"

"Ms. Greene-"

"I just wish to understand," you hummed -something forlorn in your tone, "-but I'm not certain I ever will."

"It's not-" he started, before breaking off, "-I did not think of it 'at way, but you... I can't-"

"I love you," you echoed, "-and if I... It's too short, I wish to have it much longer."

"You will," Mr. Grimes spoke -desperately, "-you will."

"It's one thing to say and another to know, Mr. Grimes."

"Y/N-"

"No, I-" you cleared your throat -straightening slightly, and dabbing at your eyes, "-I have things to attend to."

"Please, don't leave on such a note-"

"Mr. Grimes," you spoke lightly -tears gathering behind your eyes, "-I love you, truly beyond belief. Stay alive."

"Y/N..."

"Please, I-" you breathed out -voice shaking, "-I can't... I can't stay here any longer."

Mr. Grimes opened his mouth, but you couldn't listen, not then. Mind running a mile a minute, your brain seemed to fuzz along the edges. You swore you were getting dizzy-

You merely curtsied and headed out of the office. You heard him, calling to you, but you refused to turn back -something in you ripped open and vulnerable, you needed to go home. And perhaps such a thought was selfish, leaving such a man begging for you to speak.

But, you couldn't. Not now. The weight of a bullet heavy on your brain, you couldn't look him in the eye with the possibility it might be the last time-

The last time, it bounced around your head and didn't stop. Even when the Headmistress rushed to your side -keeping up with your footsteps, even on the carriage ride home, even in your bedroom that night -staring upon the dark vast ceiling. Maggie was just beside you -comfortably asleep; you, on the other hand, tugged the blanket tighter around yourself.

Hoping for dreams of a berry basket and blue eyes, in a much simpler world. Just you and him in a market stall. Where had such thoughts gone?