#idk i cope with writing poetry

[iceeericeee]

We Could Have Been Us

(This is all written from memory so sorry if I miss some stuff)

(Written from Crowley’s pov)

I needed to tell you something

but you had to go first

And so I let you

That was a mistake

You said you had good news

that you were promoted

You could be in charge

As supreme archangel

And, to put the cherry on top

You could have anyone

as your second in command

And you had chosen me

I couldn’t believe you, at first

After all, we’re better than that

You are better than that

But it was true

I could see the excitement

Slip away from your eyes

When you realized that

I wouldn’t go with you

And before I knew it

I was rushing to say

what I had wanted to say

from the very beginning

How we have known each other

for a long time

How we could always

rely on each other

We have always been

a team

A group

of the two of us

I tried to convince you to stay

Because we don’t need heaven

And we don’t need hell

All we ever needed was us

I tell you so, and all you do

is reiterate your wonderful plan

The plan where we’re both angels

Doing good together in heaven

I’m choking back tears

And I say, “You can’t leave

this bookshop”

‘You can’t leave me’

And with such a kind,

tender voice, you say,

“Oh Crowley,

Nothing lasts forever.”

‘Nothing lasts forever,

Not this bookshop

Not you

And certainly not us’

I feel my heart break

as I slip my sunglasses on

And walk away,

bidding you good luck

As you beg me to stop

I tell you to listen

And you admit that

you can’t hear anything

“That’s the point” I say

“No nightingales”

At that, you seem to understand

What I’m implying

I called you an idiot

That this whole time

We could have been

Us

I get an idea

It’s a last ditch effort

But at this point

Anything will do

I rush back to you

grab you by the collar

pull you close

and kiss you

And when we pull apart

I look you in the eyes

Desperately trying to see

A change of heart

But instead I see you

steeling your nerves

And you tell me

you forgive me

But I don’t need

Your forgiveness

All I ever needed

was you

So don’t bother

trying to forgive me

Don’t bother

forgiving a demon

But I wait by my car, just in case

You happen to change your mind

But all I see is you leaving

Choosing heaven over me

I climb into the Bentley

And turn on the radio

It doesn’t do to much good

It’s playing our song

So I turn it back off

And lean back on the seat

And I think to myself

‘We could have been us.’

[and since you guys asked to be tagged: @janeway-lover @helphowdoiusethis]

[neurodiversebones]

would anyone be interested in fic which explores the brennan ed headcanons i have ?

[ilovethemoonnnn]

a friendly face

i left so many people in a hurry and in bad shape

you cant blame me for wanting to see a friendly face

every time i took a stroll on memory lane i always saw unpleasant emotions 

but now ill see you and its kind of sad knowing

that all thats left is our memories 

and i know it’s because of me

things just didn’t pan out in the same place

but now i know when i look back i’ll see a friendly face

[tirzahstears]

god could tell me that i’ve been good, i’ve been so very good, i've been an angel on earth. god could tell me i was light itself and i would spit in his fucking face if it would make you want me.

i don’t deserve you. i’ve never had friends. i’ve never had this. i’ve never been good. i should fold up my blood soaked hands and pray to deserve this. to deserve just a little bit of this. i should take the dirt and the blood filling my mouth as a gift, swallow it down like dry gravel, swallow it down like the tequila and grapefruit soda that i drank in your bedroom so you’d think that i was cool. swallow it down like a punch to the face, thank god for letting me be touched in the first place.

i should bleed for you. i should bleed for you. i should be good. i should deserve you. i should leave. tell everyone what you did, what you said to me. i should bleed out on my knees and ask for forgiveness. please forgive me for existing. please forgive me for being alive. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. these hands could do better. they will keep doing worse.

[litany-writes]

[sadgirlsandboys]

broken alliance

you woulndt think

the one that claims to understand

the lonlieness

the anxiety

the fear

to be the same

 to grow an ego

and invite you to sit because

“you look sad”

he says it

with humour in his voice

like its a joke

and his friends life

and you laugh

because what are you supposed to do?

why would you put me in that position?

I was nice to you

I listened to you when their voice was louder than yours

you said

“this is why I have to yell”

I laughed at your jokes

when they told you to be quiet

I thought we understood each other?

do you not remember 

when people said that to you?

do you not remember

how those jokes made you feel?

don’t you rememer the fake laugh?

don’t you remember the clench in your stomach?

don’t you remember the heat in your eyes?

the hurt in your throat?

the shaking of your hands?

the shame in your chest?

please dont make me feel this way

[ardeitankor]

Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world, I mean everybody -- no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds... Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe.

- Neil Gaiman, A Game of You

[treetimesthree]

saturday

The first time I spent time with you alone, I could barely look at you. You, splayed across my dorm couch. Me, sat on the floor in front of you. My hair would brush your thigh if I looked back at you, and the sensation made my heart beat so hard I feared you would hear it. That night I pressed my lips together harder than I ever have before, afraid a confession would fall from them faster than I could stop it. I failed miserably, and I still remember the feeling of your thigh pressed against the back of my head as I looked up at the stars in your eyes and the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.

On our first date, I was so nervous I kept a checklist of important questions on my phone. Each question asked in time with the hammering of my heart, the flutter in my stomach, the breathlessness in my voice. Your favorite color, favorite artist, favorite flower. I wrote the answers down just in case, but I knew I wouldn't need them; I knew if it was you, I would never forget (I still can't look at bright pink roses).

I asked someone what their favorite color was recently. The words tasted like sand on my lips. I don't remember their answer. And I didn't write it down.

[notpoet06]

The skies colors seemed to all blur together and mix into a weird pastel shade of everything all at once as I stared at the sky. There was nothing left for me to do; I’d exhausted every last purpose that I could find. Everything I’d once wanted had been given to me. That wasn’t true. Everything I could have while forgetting my truth was what I got. But I’d offered the world all of it, and there was no need for me anymore. So here I lie, staring at the sky. I don’t know what I really am. Or at least, I pretend I don’t know, because to remember would be the worst crime of all.

The white cotton candy I see above may have once appeared as that majestic feline I once obsessed over. Yes, I remember that one. It was the tiger. It was strong creature; the animal was beautiful, too. I found inspiration to be something more there. I thought I could be just as loved.

But the tiger is not loved. I did, sure, but it is viewed as a monster. They’re dying out. Few see the tiger as I did, and when I realized I could be the tiger, I realized exactly how others see the tiger.

They see the tiger as a threat. They see it as something to hate. And though I had not revealed my stripes quite yet, I understood that the tiger was not something I should be. But it was too late. I have to hide my stripes now. I cannot erase them. I can only forget that they are there.

So to forget I had thrown myself all over every task. I would be ignorant to every other tiger, and pretend that I did not have the hunger of one. I would see that I seemed “normal” and that everyone thought I was human. But it was a lie, I lived a lie. And now I cannot lie, because my mind is only here and I cannot ignore my stripes. They itch, I’ve neglected them so long. I cannot be human, I never was, but I cannot be a tiger if I want to be loved. Why is this so hard? Why can’t I be one or the other? Why do I have to be split between sides?

I’ve tried being human. I did, I tried for so long. But if I reveal my stripes, I cannot be sure that I’ll find another tiger or even a human to love me. So instead I’ll keep pretending. I’ll keep forgetting. But if the cloud tiger ever asks me to join it, I wouldn’t think twice.

[relnicht]

need to reread swimming in the dark. i think i bought it as an ebook around christmas last year because i wanted to read it and couldn't find it in the shops, but I don't remember anything about it because I don't have the physical book so I didn't have a physical reminder of it and i think i must have read it in 1-3 days. i think i liked it idk. i like stories set in summer and nature

[learn-to-be-alive]

The other day my mom told me I was “handling things well” and “I didn’t seem all that upset”for some reason that upset me, I couldn’t figure out why though. Today I figured it out.

Just because you don’t see when I’m in pain does not mean I do not feel it, just because you don’t see me cry, does not mean that I haven’t . It hurt for her to think that I was instantly fine. Because I’m not fine, I just process differently than others do, I don’t cry for a few weeks and then I’m fine, I might not cry for months but then I’ll see something that makes me think of them and I see my whole relationship with that person replayed in my head and I miss it bitterly .

Grief for me is not linear, and I think that we need to be kinder to ourselves. Give yourself permission to feel, to feel the love, joy, pain and sadness. Feel, even if it’s just for a moment.

Acknowledge it. Name it. Say yes, I did lose something, and it is ok to be upset over loosing it. Life goes on but how we respond determines whether we grow from an experience or not.

-Love

[consistantscreaming]

tonight i looked up at the stars

i was supposed to be going to bed,

school beginning early tomorrow,

but a friend texts me and says that the stars are out tonight

i went out onto the roof outside my bedroom window

and i looked up

when i looked up, i felt a wave of existential dread come over me

the stars, though much more visible tonight,

were still obscured by light pollution

and i began to spiral

i have always struggled with the idea that the moment that you are in now

is always and forever the past

and looking up at the stars tonight, i felt that all too familiar fear

and dread

and hopelessness and despair and it began to overwhelm me

and so i went inside

i went downstairs

and i told my dad how nice the stars were tonight

[acheronist]

to the ghost of henry peglar, congrats on writing your poem down 177 years ago!!!

to the actual academic scholars who have studied the pages before me....

so I took the royal museum greenwich's scan of the poem page (which is available online hereeee) and screwed around with its light levels in photoshop until henry's script was darkened enough to see more clearly. then I digitally traced over the darkened letters as best as I could, while also trying to discern his handwriting, and type up how I was reading it & this process took me about a week to get done between like... living my regular day to day life lmao.......

so when it WAS done, the final isabel acheronist peglar papers ["the open C"] transcript seemed a bit different than how I remembered the readily available russell potter transcript going ? (the poem is on the last two pages of that pdf for those of you who don't spend a billion hours a week looking at it btw)

it felt like I was getting more/different information out of it, compared to the potter transcript, which was kind of stressing me out honestly. so THEN I compared mine with barry cornwall's original poem and found more words that matched up? particularly in the second and third stanzas?

so!!!!! almost two hundred years later here's what I've landed on:

April 21 1847 the C the C the open ) ( it grew so fresh the Ever free the Ever free the Ever free without it without it covered it will Run to Earth above Re gions Round I love the C I love the C when I whare & I wish to be with and and silence whare Never go if a sailor should a Come and Make the meek What matter what matter Come Ride Or Sleep there was shores white and of red morn at the noisy hours knew I was ever near I was Born the [...] in felt Unto the Maid the wale the young dolphin ...... yet thes back of gold the Call of gods When I was on Old England Shore I like the young C more and more oftentimes time flew to a sweltering place like a bird thats seeks it mother Case and ware she was bird oft to me for have I loved a young and Hopen C

so then after going thru All Of That, I wanted to have a version of the original poem with parts that Henry did remember clearly highlighted for comparison purposes:

I know it's a popular theory that Henry was writing a dirty parody of the original poem? which if true, is funny as hell. me when i have to write cheeky victorian porn before i die.

But (serious voice) something about that hadn't ever seemed exactly right to me... IN MY HEART it seems more realistic that around 1847 he (and also by extension, the whole surviving expedition crew) were starting to experience confusion / brain fog symptoms from being ummmm quite physically unwell. the lead poisoning/scurvy combo would have severe effects on the brain's ability to function properly, and I started to wonder if Henry was trying to test his memory somehow? So he picked a widely known and popular Victorian era poem about being a sailor to see how much he could recall??? and he then got a little whimsical with it, and wrote in his own words to fill in the portions he couldn't fully recall, because it's his own diary and likely didn't expect anyone else to ever read it, much less have it turn into ONE of TWO surviving sources about the expedition?????

like... idk... this is probably the work of someone in the exact moment as they were starting to realize how bad things were, and then was trying to cope by using poetry. and That hurts my feelings enough as it is, but going through it was also just a very weird and haunting experience....... like, I can recognize all these tiny details in this dead guy's script and handwriting now. and to read his own account of his life in his own words, what stood out to him and what he recalled, what he wanted people in the future to know about him? insane. it literally felt like i was getting haunted by him for no reason. on top of knowing that Someone (#teamarmitage) loved this guy enough to keep his memory protected and safe, even though They Were So Totally Fucked And Going To Die There, unknowing if they'd ever be found again........

SIGHING + SIGHING + SIGHING + SIGHING + CRYING A BIT HONESTLY

anyways thanks for reading this all. I don't think that this is revolutionary franklin expedition news by any means, and idk if there's a better different transcript somewhere that i've not found that already covers all this? but it's consumed a lot of my life lately lol and i wanted to share. because its the anniversary of henry writing it, and it felt...... important....? 💌....????

[mazeinthemiroh]

hey!! idk if you’ve already done this but could u do something like skz as ex’s? cause i think chan would be the type of ex to be friends after the break up (unless you’ve done something really bad) and i’d like to know how you think the other members would be

- 🦭

stray kids as ex boyfriends

genre: headcanon; hurt, angst

word count: 1.3k

warnings: cursing, jeongin's hurt the most (gotta warn yall <///3 )

thank you for requesting! please like and reblog if you enjoy <3

bangchan

the friendly one

this is purely depending on circumstance because if you hurt him or any of his members in any way he's literally cutting you off and out of his life

but that is if the situation is severe

most of the time he likes ending on good, mutual terms if possible. he knows things aren't going to be completely the same or aren't going to be particularly smooth but he's willing to work past that

especially if you have been a good friend before dating each other

so he will make an effort to talk to you at social events if you're in the same friendship group. just a casual catch-up to see how you are doing

it might be hard seeing you without being able to be the same touchy, loving way he's used to. he feels he has to hold himself back quite a lot

i can see him being hurt if you have moved on and are in another relationship and he isn't

minho

the messy one

feelings are... complicated

and minho is too

he's a very intricately formed human being, filled with unpredictabilities and chaos, good and bad.

minho as an ex can be messy. you'll see him sometimes during social gatherings; he will avoid you most of the time, but occasionally interact with you as if you're his best friend

he'll be sarcastic and make snide remarks with that shit-eating grin on his face

sometimes he'll lure you back into his life, his heart

other times he wants to forget he's even known you

you guys are on and off and on again. the wannabe ross and rachel, if you will

but all of the craziness boils down to the fact that he misses you, more than he expected

and the only way to fill the hole in his heart that you left him is by chasing what you had together

changbin

the self-improvement one

changbin tries to move on as quickly as possible

he thinks it's healthier that way: no point in dwelling in the past when he knew he wasn't going to turn back to you

he needed to put the past behind him and focus on himself

which means a lot more working out, more than he had ever done before

eating healthier, going out more and with different people, making sure he had enough rest

his friends were worried, at first, that he would over-do it, perhaps burning himself out in order to deflect the feelings of loss you left him

but he's never felt better as he looks ahead rather than dwelling on what once was

still, there are moments, perhaps when he is alone, where he catches himself missing you. your laugh, your smile, your body to hold at night. yeah, he missed that a lot...

hyunjin

the one who's still in love

it would be hard for hyunjin to move on

whether you hurt him, or he hurt you, or you both end on good circumstances, he's not ready to leave you

life without you? well, up until now he hasn't even begun to imagine life without you. and why should he? he thought you'd be together forever

so now he's devastated, trying to forget you when really you never left his mind

oh and he'd write poetry about. lots and lots of poems about the heartbreak and the longing and everything in between. he's a wistful guy, and it's a way of coping with the loss of you

but it's not very... 'coping' of him. coping would require him slowly but surely moving on

but he doesn't do that

no. instead, he holds on to the memory of you and what could've been.

jisung

the one who keeps coming back

he knows he shouldn't, but he can't help it

oh he tries, but soon he finds himself staring at your number on his phone screen, tempted to drop you a text or even, at times, call you

it's weird. he thought he'd be fine after the breakup. he thought he would be able to have his moment to grieve and then move on

but if that was the case... why was he still thinking about you?

that's a question that tortured his mind to no end because he had absolutely no answer for it

he couldn't like deeper inside himself to realise he still, ultimately, has feelings for you

and so he always ends up coming back into your life, usually by accident

he calls it manifesting but is it really manifesting if its at the worst moments?

like when he bumped into at the supermarket, running on 0 hrs of sleep with eye bags bigger than his eyes. yeah, that wasn't a good day

but any chance he runs into you, there is a flicker of hope you could end up back together with him. so he will take all the chances life throws at him

felix

the sensitive one

similar to hyunjin only, perhaps, less severe

he cries over you often

and everything seems to remind him of you

sometimes he is okay. sometimes he is really okay. perhaps too okay. the members would look at him in surprise as he woke up one day, bubbly as ever. it's as if he hasn't been crying the whole week at all. nope. he's a new man now. and when he looks in the mirror, he gives himself a smile and a nod. "today is a new day and i'm happy."

and then a small thing will set him off all over again

perhaps he will find one of your hoodies that you lent him one night when he was cold. and he kept it because it smelt like you

but now, seeing this makes all his newfound positivity dissolve instantly. soon, he was grabbing the material of your hoodie and stuffing his face into it, sobbing his heart out

seungmin

the nonchalant one

he's the definition of unbothered

of course, it hurt at first to have to leave you, but it will all depend on the circumstances of the breakup

if you guys left each other on bad terms, he'd be a lot more bitter about it. he will most likely ignore you and make every attempt not to run into you because he just doesn't need that in his life

but if you guys are on good terms he is more likely to get over it quicker. that way, he isn't dwelling on the bad feelings and being wrapped up in his own negativity

rather, he has left that all behind and tried to be productive, focusing on himself

that way, if he happens to run into you again, he would probably feel indifferent

there is a sparkle of feeling that he misses. the feeling of familiarity that only you bring

but he hopes that most of his feelings are long gone noe

jeongin

the one that wants to forget

perhaps you were his first love

perhaps he thought that you'd end up together, forever

and ever

and ever.

perhaps he was a bit naive when it came to his approach to his relationship with you. he knew he shouldn't be thinking in such a rose-coloured, idealistic romantic way. he didn't think he'd feel like that at all. but you made his life infinitely better

and now you're gone. how is he supposed to cope?

he just wants to forget everything. forget his life with you. because if you weren't in his life anymore, what was the point?

its painful to reminisce so he makes a conscious effort not to dwell on the past

because once he does, he loses himself. the tears start to brim and flow down his cheek

if he didn't remember such happier times, it wouldn't be this hard

skz taglist: @hearts4sungie, @seokshineswiftie, @alyszaen, @jtrstp, @a-wandering-stay, @hyungenie5

[xxchromies]

Toxic Tumblr Communities

Tumblr is a very interesting place. I feel like women have always dominated this website. While it's a great place for women to express themselves, it's obviously created a lot of really toxic communities that in all honestly could probably only be created by women. You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You've got communities that normalize harmful behavior (self-harm, anorexia, drug taking) and communities that normalize harmful relationship dynamics (the teacher crush and true crime communities, the ddlg community, the kink community in general, etc.), all kinds of different shit. I won't deny that these are all really harmful in their own ways. BUT I can't stand the way many people talk about them.

It's not uncommon for people to make YouTube videos talking about these communities, and totally eviscerating the posters without showing a single shred of empathy, despite most of the posters being depressed, isolated, and traumatized teen girls.

When it comes to the communities that revolve around toxic behavior, I kind of hate how the posters are treated as if it is their fault and their fault alone for other people picking up on the behaviors. If someone looks at thinspo or a SH picture and is like "YES I want that!" did the post directly create those feelings? Or maybe JUST MAYBE the person viewing the post was already mentally ill and now they just become encouraged to be a part of a community with people they relate to? Also I kinda hate how people accuse these posters of "romanticizing" the things that they do, I really don't think it's true most of the time. I think what happens is that women are conditioned into always wanting to appear beautiful, and so they want even their pain to be beautiful. Which is why they then write "sadgirl" poetry about cutting or whatever. I also think it's a coping mechanism. If you're going through something difficult, the least you can do is be poetic about it. I also think that a lot of the times it's a cry for help. It's common to make fun of the emo girl who cuts for attention but even if it's for attention she's still hurting herself.

There are also communities that "romanticize" bad relationship dynamics. When it comes to the teacher crush community, I honestly don't think it deserves the hatred it gets. 99% of the posters have no plans to actually get with their teachers. In YouTube videos about this community, they often respond to the rare posts where underage girls gush about how their high school teacher reciprocates their love. The YouTubers blame the girl for posting about the situation and "romanticizing" it, rather than blaming the fucking adult male for taking advantage of a high schooler. It's abhorrent and I can't stand it.

The true crime community is less defensible, but even then, most of the girls do not support violence, it's more so a fantasy of being able to fix a evil man. And I honestly think it's reflective of the way society tells women and girls that they are responsible for men's feelings and actions, even the very worst of them. And pretty much all the posters are either depressed and isolated teen girls or 30-something year old women who have a history of dating violent and abusive men. When people criticize this community, there's something about the way they do it that's almost victim-blamey, idk. I won't act like what they're doing isn't harmful to the victims, but people act as if drawing the Columbine dudes being yaoi boyfriends or whatever is just as bad as the fucking shooting itself.

And the ddlg community on here mainly seems to be fronted by "littles" who roleplay as underage children having sex with their parents. Again, this is a baddd thing to be encouraging, even if it's through role-play. But I HATE how people act like pretending to be the little is the same as pretending to be the adult. All these girls are fantasizing about roleplaying sexual abuse and idk about you but they really do seem like victims to me. This is not a pass for them to promote harmful behavior but again I just hate the double standards. These people are turned on by being victimized and people somehow don't feel any sympathy for them. They act as if it's the EXACT SAME as being turned on by victimizing others.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I HATE how the standards for women are so much higher than they are for men. Women will post about the pain they are causing themselves, and society gets angry with them for daring to be upfront about it and/or trying to make it seem "beautiful". Women will post about how they want to be victimized, and society gets angry at them for promoting toxic relationships, while not offering them a shred of empathy and asking WHY they want that.

Idk I have a lot of thoughts on this. I'm not saying these girls are completely blameless and I really don't want it to be interpreted that way, but it's crazy to me the way people act like they are heinous and evil (and not like, victims of patriarchal conditioning) for romanticizing situations where they would be victimized.

[oceisastar]

idk if this falls under the realm of the m!reader asks you wanted, but do you have headcanons about how neuvillette would love and support and worship a transmasc s/o? i just know that he would hold me exactly the way i wanted and let me use all the toys that i wanted and tell me I'm handsome and pay for my surgeries haha ehe i am coping

MDNI (neuvillette x transmasc!reader)

he would be so respectful and even a little nervous!! he doesn’t ever want to disrespect or hurt you. definitely makes a point to do his own research so he can give you access to the best possible binders, clothing, etc.

“may i ask you a question about this?” is a go to phrase. really thoughtful and interested in all his questions and answers.

NSFW below (very soft lol)

he’s so gentle and respectful, esp if you are having a dysphoria day. so mindful of his touch and how it could make you feel. always wants you to tell him if you’re uncomfortable so you two can navigate that together and find a way to make you feel safe.

if you’re feeling insecure, gently suggests you come with him to the mirror and he tells you how handsome you are while you two gaze at your reflection. he talks about how much he cares about you, how he he’s not a poet, but he could write poetry about such a wonderful and handsome lover.

absolutely not used to toys so you have to take the lead there. but he’s pleasantly surprised at how turned on the toys make you. enjoys you laying on the bed while he thrusts / vibrates a toy against you and watches you gasp for air. studies you with such intense and rapt attention you could come just from that.

does not realize how horny T makes you so when your sex drive is suddenly up.... well it’s his job as your boyfriend to take care of you, is it not 😏