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vigilvntes · 1 year

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Vigilante Hotline - Adrian Chase x Reader

A/N: hi. my brain works in mysterious ways and i had this idea earlier on when i responded to an ask and now here we are, three hours later with a silly little vigilante fic. it's literally just text interactions, vig's texts are the ones that end with 🧜‍♂️ (obviously). but yeah. i had a lot of fun writing this, and i'll be SO happy to write more if y'all want it?? idk. anyway enjoy i guess!

Warnings: mentions of groping/non-consensual touching (grabbing ass, etc), creepy men, mentions of violence/injuries, language (are we surprised), and just vig being generally unhinged as always. (let me know if i've missed anything!!)

Word count: 2.9k. oops.

Summary: You text in to Vigilante's 'Vigilante Hotline' after a bad encounter at the club.

likes, comments and rbs are very much appreciated <3

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

You've heard of it, of course you have. It's the town's worst kept secret. The little side hustle that Evergreen's favourite local murderer-slash-vigilante (who's conveniently named Vigilante) runs at the weekend, when the clubs and bars are busy and the creepy assholes come out to play, preying on and harassing unsuspecting victims who, by the end of the night, are probably too drunk to even remember their faces when they wake up.

The cops know about it, too. They've made weak attempts to shut down his operation over the last couple of months, but really he's doing them a favour. They're already in over their heads with calls when the Friday night crowd hits the town's nightlife, so why not just let him operate under their noses? At least, for now. Until they can apprehend him.

So, yeah. You know of it, but you've never utilised it before, because truthfully you've never really had a reason to. You like to party, but your nights out are usually spent with your girlfriends, keeping a close watch on each other and avoiding interactions with men who look like they're bad news like the plague. It's a system that works, one that keeps you out of trouble and away from bad pick-up lines and hands where you most definitely don't want them to be.

Tonight is different, though.

Your friend bailed on you at the last second, a family emergency, and you were already dressed up, so you decided that instead of wiping off your makeup and changing back into your sweats, you'd go out anyway. What's the worst that could happen?

You soon found out that the worst came in the form of Brett Lucas. A guy you knew in high school, someone you haven't spoken to in years. He found you at the bar, used the shittiest lines you've ever heard, and then bought you a drink. You decided to entertain it, because if he was willing to fund your night, then why not? You kept your hand firmly over your drink while he made derogatory jokes about other women and commented on your body and your dress. When he asked you to dance, you agreed, hoping you'd be able to lose him on the crowded dance floor.

That didn't happen, though. Instead, he got a little too touchy-feely, kept his hands firmly on your hips and pulled your body close to his until he got brave enough to slide them on to your ass and squeeze. Hard. You freaked out, told him to back the fuck off, and instead of showing any remorse, he cussed you out. Called you a fucking slut and told you that you're a bitch for leading him on and making him think he had a chance at getting into your pants.

Now, you're standing just down the street from the club, staring at the oddly professionally made poster that's been flimsily taped to a lamppost, a little picture of the all-too familiar masked man that you've seen on the news and wanted posters right in the middle.

Vigilante Hotline

Have you been a victim of a fucking creep in a club who just won't leave you the fuck alone?

Did the guy at the bar use his worst pick-up line and then immediately assume that you're into him and it's okay to touch you without your consent?

Do you wish you could fuck them up without having to face the consequences yourself?

It's your lucky day, because I can fuck them up for you!

Text their name and/or a description to the number below and I'll make them wish their mom swallowed!

(This part is just to cover my ass so, if I accidentally beat up or kill the wrong person... my bad!)

You chew down on your bottom lip, looking between your phone and the poster. You've never really been a vengeful person, you've never wished harm on anyone or caused harm to anyone, but in this moment, it's tempting. You're a little bit tipsy, irate and unsettled. The one night you decide to go out on your own, and this happens? It's a little too tempting.

But is what happened enough to contact a guy who's known and wanted for murder? Is what he did enough to warrant the beatdown of a lifetime?

You sigh to yourself before slipping your phone back into your purse, deciding that it's not worth it. But as you begin to walk away, you remember his loud, jarring cackle whenever he cracked himself up at his own shitty jokes. The way his eyes never met yours, always trained on your chest or your thighs. His gross, sweaty hands roaming all over your body before they went to grope you on the dance floor, thinking you wouldn't react because you were surrounded by other people and it'd be too embarrassing for you to make a scene.

No. Fuck it. That asshole deserves it.

You spin around quickly and pull out your phone, adding the number to your contacts and quickly typing out a message, sending it before you can even give yourself another second to think it through.

'Hey. First time texting in. Need some help. Brett Lucas. White blonde dyed hair. Awful beard, doesn't match his hair. Around 5'9. Wearing a pink shirt and black jeans. Got handsy with me. Grabbed my ass on the dance floor. Don't kill. Just rough him up a little, please.'

You don't even have a minute to breathe before your phone pings. Fuck. Alright. He's fast.

'Sick. A first time user. Happy to help. Where can I find him? 🧜‍♂️'

'He was in Dazy Nights, downtown. You know where that is?'

30 seconds pass. Your phone pings again.

'Yep. Got it. Thank god for GPS. Don't worry, first timer. I'll fuck him up the ass so hard his he'll wish he'd never even been born, as advertised. Not literally, though. I'm not gonna actually fuck him up the ass. That'd be weird. But not because I'm homophobic. My dad is gay. More because he's a creep and he touched you inappropriately. 🧜‍♂️'

"What..." You mumble under your breath as you read the text, an incredulous giggle escaping you. This guy, whoever he is, is seriously fucked in the head, you decide. A little funny, too. But you can't complain too much. You contacted him, you made the choice to text his number and incite some indirect revenge. So you just shake your head, and text back.

'Thank you. I appreciate it. Again, don't kill. Just get him good.'

'Noted! No problemo. But if you ever do need me to kill, don't hesitate to ask, first timer. Seriously, I'm so down for it. Guys like that deserve it. 🧜‍♂️'

You decide to cut the conversation there, sliding your phone back into your purse. You feel a little sick to your stomach as you walk yourself home, guilt and regret stalking you the entire way, following you into your home and crawling into bed with you.

But as you lay there, wide awake, you remind yourself of what he said. Guys like that deserve it. And maybe he's right. Maybe this is for the best, maybe next time fucking Brett will think twice before making unwanted advances. Maybe you've saved someone else from the suffering the same fate as yourself at his hands.

That thought helps you sleep a little easier.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

Monday rolls around quicker than you'd have liked it to, and all you've been able to think about over the weekend is that short conversation you had with Evergreen's own Vigilante a few nights ago. You spent all of Saturday morning re-reading the messages. Saturday night was spent in front of the TV, with some rom-com you've been meaning to watch playing as background noise while you thought about the messages. Sunday, you tried to distract yourself. You went out for brunch with a few friends, but as soon as you made it through your front door, your mind wandered right back to him and that silly little mermaid emoji that made his threats of murder seem a little lighter.

You wonder if he actually did it; whether he made good on his promise to fuck him up so badly that he'd be wishing he was never born. Part of you hopes he did, that he managed to find that fucker before he made it home and gave him a beating he'll never forget. The other part of you hopes that he missed out on the opportunity, if only to subside the quiet, yet nagging, guilty conscience in your head.

Work is a welcome distraction from the weekends events. Deadlines that need to be met, lunch with your co-workers, and your micro-managing boss that never seems to leave you the fuck alone when you're trying to do your job. It's all incredibly exhausting and boring, but at least it gives you the chance to take your mind off of what happened at the weekend, and the masked vigilante that's been invading your thoughts all weekend.

You haven't thought about it all day, until you pull up to the grocery store after work, and you see him. Brett.

He hasn't seen you, you're safely locked away in your car, but you can see him. He's standing outside the store, cigarette in hand, talking to a guy who you can only assume is one of his friends – he looks like he's just as much of an asshole as Brett. From where you're parked, you can see the shiner of a black eye on his face, dark blue bruising that extends to his forehead. There's numerous cuts and scrapes on his cheeks, and it's looks like his lips have been completely bust up.

It makes you feel slightly ill, looking at him, knowing that you're the one behind this. But at the same time, you can't help but smile to yourself, feeling weirdly... satisfied.

You grab your bag and pull out your phone, unlocking it and scrolling through your texts until you find the chat with the contact you've named 'VH'. You stare at your screen for at least a minute, re-reading the short conversation from Friday night over and over again. You want to text him. Hell, you've found yourself wanting to text him again all weekend, and you can't quite seem to place your finger on why that is. What would you even say to him? 'Hey, thanks for doing at great job at fucking up that guy's face, I really appreciate it'?

With a sigh, you lock your phone, trying to kick the urge to converse with a vigilante to the curb. But before you know it, you're typing in your password again and sending him a 'Hey'.

You keep the chat open, but you make a point out of looking away from the screen, hoping that if you don't look, he'll reply faster. Minutes pass by, and you're slightly disappointed by the absence of the jarring pinging of your notification bell. Then you remember that he probably has a life outside of being Vigilante. He's most likely just a normal guy, with a normal job and friends and family, he probably doesn't spend all of his time checking whatever burner phone he uses to run the hotline.

Just as you're about to lose hope that he'll respond, your phone pings.

'Woah, hey. First timer's a second timer already? Did you get yourself into trouble just so you could talk to me? 🧜‍♂️'

It pings again, a few moments later.

'For the record, that was a joke. If you're in trouble again, I'm sure it's not your fault and I'm more than happy to help. Though I gotta remind you that I usually only do this hotline stuff on weekends, but I'd be more than willing to extend my hours. For you. What can I do for you? 🧜‍♂️'

You feel your face heat up, a grin beginning to creep across your lips as you read the two texts. 'For you'. That's oddly sweet. He's oddly sweet. You know what he's done, you know he kills people. You've heard the whispers around town, stories from the people who've been lucky enough break the law and survive one of Vigilante's attacks. Yet you can't help but be taken in by how... charming he is. Sure, this is only the second conversation you've had with him, but he's been so kind. Funny, too, in his own way.

The rush you get from texting him is intoxicating, and it only makes you want more. So you type out a response, and hit send.

'Nothing! I didn't get in trouble again. I wouldn't want you working overtime for me. But I did wanna talk to you. Just to say thank you for what you did for me. I saw Brett. You got him good. Gave him a real shiner of a black eye.'

Just a minute later.

'HA. Yeah. You should have seen it. He took a real beating. He cried like a fucking BABY. Begged me not to kill him. I made him apologise for harassing women, too. It was HILARIOUS. You were right about the beard, btw. Definitely makes him look even more of an asshole🧜‍♂️'

You're surprised to see a video loading up on your screen.

'He definitely didn't mean it, life or death situations call for desperate measures I guess. But at least you can laugh at him and his stupid fucking face. 🧜‍♂️'

Although you're hesitant to press play, you do so anyway. There, on your screen, is Brett. Beaten and bloody, begging for his life, and apologising through his tears for being a creep. Saying sorry for using bad pick-up lines, and objectifying women's bodies, and... groping asses on the dance floor. You freeze up when you hear that, a wave of panic washing over you. Does he... does he know that you're the one that sent Vigilante after him? Fuck. You didn't even consider the possibility that he'd put two and two together and figure out that it was you who texted in. You have to know if he knows, if Vigilante mentioned anything specific about why he went after Brett.

'You're right. That's funny. But I need to ask you something.'

'Anything! 🧜‍♂️'

'Does Brett know that I'm the one who texted you? Did you mention anything about me or what happened?'

You chew on your bottom lip as you await a response, and when you read his reply, you're more than relieved.

'Nah. I didn't say anything. I wouldn't. Vigilante-client confidentiality, and all that. He was the one that mentioned names. A whole list of them, actually. Kinda concerning how many women he named that could've been the one to contact me about him.🧜‍♂️'

'Okay. Cool. I guess I just never thought of the consequences of texting in. I didn't consider that maybe he'd know it was me. Had me kinda panicked for a sec.'

'Don't worry, I made it clear that if he ever tried to approach or contact you or any of the other women he named, I'd find out. And I'd kill him for it. You're safe. I got you. 🧜‍♂️'

For what feels like the hundredth time in, you find yourself smiling down at your phone as you read his text.

'Thank you. I appreciate that :). Hopefully you've taught him a lesson. Maybe he'll stay home when the weekend comes around. I think he'd be doing everyone a favour.'

'Hopefully! Listen, I gotta buzz. Work stuff. Not Vigilante work. I only do that stuff at night. Like my actual job kind of work. But I'll talk to you later, first timer. 🧜‍♂️'

'Yeah, of course. Sorry for bothering you while you're at work. And thank you, again.'

You take a deep breath before sending another text.

'My name is (Y/N), btw <3'

'First timer has a name? Fucking sweet. Obviously I know you have a name but you never told me, so in my head I've just been calling you first timer. But now you're (Y/N), which is cool. So talk later, (Y/N)! 🧜‍♂️'

'<3 🧜‍♂️'

You throw your phone on to the passenger seat, like it's burning hot to the touch and it's just scalded you. Did you... did you seriously just send a heart to Vigilante? And did he seriously just send one back? Wait, no. The heart isn't the biggest problem. You just told him your name. Your real name. What if he finds you? What if this whole funny-charming-kind thing is just an act, and you end up bleeding in a dark alley within a month?

"Fuck..." You mumble, leaning your head back against your seat, wondering what the hell you've just gotten yourself into. Wondering if you should just block his number and never think about him again.

It's a stupid idea, getting involved with someone like him. One that could leave you hurt, or dead. Anyone would call you crazy for it. You probably are crazy for it. But that's not enough to deter you from reaching for your phone and grinning down at it when he texts you later that night.

'Hey. 🧜‍♂️'

It's a dangerous game, but one that you're more than willing to play.

#adrian chase #vigilante #peacemaker #adrian chase x reader #vigilante x reader #adrian chase x you #vigilante x you #adrian chase fic #vigilante fic #adrian chase x y/n #vigilante x y/n #hbo peacemaker

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genericpuff · 8 months

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no but listen, rachel has truly embodied herself as persephone because she's constantly trying to "distance herself" from her past as a medical fetish artist but then keeps the name that's affiliated with her medical fetish art-

Like, I can't believe I never noticed it before tbh, but that was the thought that hit me while I was explaining to someone on reddit what the name "used bandaid" meant and why it was weird that Rachel is STILL using it on her print cover books, even now when she just recently set up a new Facebook account with her REAL NAME and not the used_bandaid penname (I feel like this is an attempt to "legitimize" herself in the industry but idk).

But that leads me into talking about how she keeps lying about LO being her first webcomic project and that really pisses me off. And yes, this is related to the used_bandaid thing, just bear with me here.

A lot of my contempt for this is for reasons that go beyond her, I just hate the notion that people should succeed on their "first try" and that's an idea that's often sold by people like Rachel who spin these grandiose stories of how they were just "trying it out" and suddenly wham! Fame and fortune! You can achieve all this and more if you just xyz!

Literally, in every interview I've found over the past couple years, she always heavily implies that LO was her "first attempt", that she had never used Webtoons prior to LO, and that she was just "dipping her toes" into the medium. None of this is true, she's literally been drawing webcomics since the early 2000's (possibly earlier but the earliest documentation we can find is of The Doctor Pepper Show), LO wasn't even her first webcomic on the Webtoons platform (that goes to The Doctor Foxglove Show which she ended up dumping a chapter in to work on LO almost immediately after starting it on Tumblr) and as much as she'll claim she "couldn't pay anyone to look at her work", she had landed a number of gigs that got her work out there, had been printed in anthology collections, and IIRC she had even won some small local NZ awards for her comics prior to LO. Shit, there was a local beer brand that had her art on its labelling.

But it really feels like she's trying her damn hardest to hide all that, never mentioning or implying that she did anything prior to LO, that she was just a "struggling graphic artist working in retail" until LO happened.

So why keep the penname that's directly affiliated with that past identity ??

It boggles my mind, honestly, especially considering she had gone by MULTIPLE usernames back then, some of which were actually pretty sane that she could have used instead (such as Rach Alex, which she uses in her FB groups, and Rachel Royale).

I wouldn't blame her if she was trying to hide her old medical fetish stuff, whether she didn't want it affiliated with her new LO branding or if she's just embarrassed by it, I can totally empathize with that because god knows I wouldn't be all that proud to show off the cringy shit I got up to during my early days on the Internet. But if she IS embarrassed by it, you'd think the last thing she'd want to keep is the name that's directly affiliated with the thing she's embarrassed by. Almost like a certain pink protagonist who goes by the name she earned after doing the thing she doesn't want to talk about.

But if she ISN'T embarrassed by it, then why lie?

Why paint this picture that LO was a one hit wonder, that she lived on "struggle street" until she found fame and fortune on Webtoons?

Oh right. Because it's a better story.

Because it's way more romantic to be some struggling indie darling who "came from nothing" and achieved fame through one big idea. Because it looks good for the platform who's trying to attract people to their app and website on the promise that you, too, can be a success story simply because you followed the exact same perceived steps that you saw another person follow and advertise.

If you can't tell from my tone, I really fucking hate this kind of disingenuous wish fulfillment advertising. It's manipulative, it's cruel, and it sets people up with expectations far beyond their scope of reaching, both due to the luck and "being in the right place at the right time" involved at best (which is a HUGE factor in stories like these that people never talk about), or through joy-killing comparison at worst when you don't achieve worldwide fame on your first try and wonder why everyone else did (spoiler: they didn't, they just want you to think that because it makes for better headlines and it gets you using whatever product they're affiliated with.)

If Rachel doesn't want to be tied down to her past, that's fine. But it's incredibly irresponsible and flat out cruel to lie about that past existing at all because it sets a horrible precedent to those who look up to her and want what she has.

And I say all that because I've seen what happens to the people starting out who admire these creators who painted the picture that they were just successful right off the bat. It's not a fun headspace to be in, it's robbed many creators like myself and others of their joy in creating, and it's really all just a ploy to get you to spend time and money and energy on a stupid corporate phone app that profits off your emotional investment and labor. Don't fall for it. Pretending like the Act of Wrath didn't happen doesn't remove it from history.

Anyways, I was gonna leave it at that, but then I ended up doing another rabbithole deep dive through her Wayback Machine and found album art she had illustrated for NZ band PorcelainToy. Enjoy this piece of her "dark era" art that still exists without needing to use the Wayback Machine.

youtube

#sorry btw if this seems like a sequel to the post i just made i stg they're not related #this post was written at like 4 am after doing another hyperfixated deep dive #so it's literally just an unfortunate but funny coincidence that it came right after me talking about my own roots LOL #i gotta go to bed i'm getting stabbed with ink tomorrow #lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus #Youtube

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aihoshiino · 5 months

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chapter 134 thoughts!

My immediate first thought going into this chapter and seeing how it picks up from last week's cliffhanger is that while I thought last week that this conflict served as an excellent character beat for both Ruby and Kana, I feel less positively about it as the catalyst for long term RubyKana conflict. Maybe that's hypocritical because I like the similar AquKana conflict back during the LoveNow aftermath and this is basically just a roided up version of that but… IDK, I guess it helped that the AquKana conflict is very clearly a romcom style miscommunication and it ends up leading to one of my all time favourite and funniest character moments for Aqua, this… isn't that. In general I really hate the old tried conflict trope of "Character A betrays or is otherwise cruel to Character B For Their Own Good and refuses to communicate about it" so this was kind of irritating to see…

It also really doesn't help that Kana is going SO above and beyond in being cruel to Ruby here in comparison to the AquKana conflict where her short-sighted lashing out was being mostly played for laughs but still came back to bite her. There's just something a bit excessive in how deliberately and pointedly cold and mean to Ruby Kana is shown being here and I guess it just feels a bit icky to me though I obviously can't make a proper call on all this til we see its conclusion.

I also have to question like… why is everyone around them just letting this happen lol. Memcho not intervening I can at least make sense of because she's been shown to be feeling off her game and a bit out of her element so I could see all that combining to make her uncertain of what to do but… uh, is Miyako not paying any attention? Admittedly the timeframe here is a little vague so we don't know exactly how long this has been going on but it's been happening at least long enough for Ruby to be going to school and fretting about it to her friends. So the idea of Miyako either being unaware of this or not intervening in this is really baffling to me??? Especially off the back of chapters 124 and 126 making a point of how badly Miyako wants to reach out to Aqua and Ruby and support them as their mother - the only way I can justify this to myself is if Miyako somehow doesn't know this was going on but how would she not know??? Like, we see Gotanda and his assistants fretting over Ruby crying after her scenes! If they're well aware something is wrong, why not Miyako? She's Aqua and Ruby's manager! This is a Strawberry Productions produced movie! We've seen her on set before! Is she just… not here now that it would be inconvenient for the plot?

(The answer to that is 'yes')

Uh all that up there does make it sound like I disliked either this or last chapter but I actually really loved them both for reasons we'll get into soon! I think they're both strong individual chapters and as points in RubyKana's shared arc I actually do really like this conflict, what it says about them both and where it seems to be taking them. There are just a lot of small, piled up contrivances pushing this conflict along and I think they annoyed me so much BECAUSE I otherwise think this is some really tasty character work for both girls and I'm otherwise enjoying it.

My bitching aside, I do really like the talk that follows this. I've been revisiting a lot of the earlier material recently via friends re-reading or giving the series a try for the first time so I've been back in that space of Ruby being particularly starstruck with Frill. It's sweet to see their present day dynamic where Ruby is fully comfortable with Frill just as her friend and trusts her enough to share her worries with her.

aw hey minami we thought you were dead

This entire scene really got my brain gears whirring and I can't help but speculate a little about its placement. At first I was just nodding along, thinking this was just Industry Exposition as usual but… isn't this odd? We don't see how Ruby phrases this question so maybe she was vague but from an authorial standpoint, why is Akasaka having Frill talk about love instead of dislike or hostility, which is what is actually going on between Ruby and Kana? Reading over that scene again and again, I can't help but wonder… is this supposed to be taken as some commentary on what's going on between Ruby and Aqua? Is Ruby developing confusedly romantic feelings for him purely because of their 'playing the roles', so to speak, of Sarina and Gorou? After all, the only other similar 'showmances', so to speak, that this could be referring to are AquKana and AquAka, neither of which quite fit the bill, especially when Frill talks about immediately snapping out of those feelings once the show is over — which didn't happen in the least for either pairing. Is this a hint of something to do with Ruby's feelings? Am I reading too much into this??? I mean, I almost definitely am, but I do that every week so…

Hopping over to Kana, the scene between her and Memcho itches my brain less mostly just because it's reiterating things communicated last week. I've said all I'll say about it feeling weird to me that Mem isn't making a move to intervene here but I do like the talk she and Kana have about their human jealousy towards Ruby. Honestly, I have a lot of respect for their being able to push it aside for so long because… honestly, none of what Kana said is wrong!

The second generation of B-Komachi exists for Ruby. Strawberry Productions got back into the idol business entirely so Ruby would have a group to be part of. Kana and Mem were recruited so Ruby would have unitmates to perform with. It doesn't revolve around her to the extent the previous generation did Ai, but in a very real sense Kana is correct when she identifies herself and Memcho as 'extras' for B-Komachi, who exist for Ruby's sake. Not only that but Ruby honestly treated them really badly while she was in black hoshigan mode! Yes, we as readers know what was going on in her head and why but think about how all that probably seemed to Kana and Mem who had no idea: From their POV, what happened was that they broke into mainstream success at last and Ruby immediately left them in the dust, prioritizing her own growth and success in a way that had a very real impact on the fan response the two of them got while they were busting their asses and trying their best to keep B-Komachi going in her absence. I don't think they would be wrong to feel honestly kind of used and hurt!

Obviously this isn't me saying that Ruby is a bad person or that she deserves to have Kana snap at her like that or whatever but… I dunno! It just feels good to have Mem and Kana finally address those feelings and admit to them without it compromising their genuine love and care for Ruby, which is one one of the main ways that the current gen of B-Komachi has surpassed the previous one. Kana especially touches on something I discussed last week in that I think her half of this shared RubyKana arc is going to be about confronting and besting her 'inner Nino', so to speak. Like Nino, she has those same tangled up feelings of admiration and envy, but Kana is capable of confronting them and identifying them. Most importantly, she loves Ruby enough to not let them take her over completely.

ANYWAY FORGET ALL THE REST OF THIS STUFF BECAUSE THIS WAS SECRETLY AN AI POST THIS WHOLE TIME MFS!!!!!!!! oh god this chapter review is already so long and now it's about to get even longer.

Anyone who's read any of my OnK meta before will probably know that I have always stood by one thing that I won't compromise on: Hoshino Ai was just a normal girl. She was a normal girl who suffered abuse and neglect and hated herself as a result, who was exploited by the entertainment industry because she was pretty and vulnerable, who didn't understand people but spent every waking moment of her too-short life reaching out so she could try and love them. The idea of Ai being fundamentally mysterious or unknowable, that the so called 'real Ai' had some horrible dark secret or that the supposedly 'true' Ai really was as horrible as Ai thought herself to be have never resonated with me. The 'real me' that is so horrible that Ai can only speak of her with black stars is nothing more than the flawed, hurting, abused human behind Ai of B-Komachi. I've said this all along and yet there's always been a little part of me worried that Akasaka was going to pull a fast one and betray that idea and rupture the heart of this character I've come to love so much.

To that end — I cannot tell you how insanely fucking cathartic the ending of this chapter was. To have Ruby at last come face to face with her mother as a human being and recognize her for who she really is. That this key final puzzle piece of the real Ai is centered on her pain and her loneliness and her raw humanity, that Ruby describes her as just a normal girl who was always crying and in pain… I genuinely don't have words to say how incredible it felt to finally, FINALLY have someone recognize Ai's suffering. And not just anyone, but one of Ai's children, one of the people she loved more than anything else in the world.

The imagery and framing here is so insanely powerful. Ai taking the place of Ruby's reflection, the look of weary, resigned pain on her face. How small Ai is when Ruby sees her. The barrier of the glass between them; even now in this moment of understanding, the unbreechable barrier of Ai's death keeps Ruby from truly reaching her. It almost feels skeuomorphic in how literal the visualization of this moment of connection and empathy is. Ruby literally sees herself in Ai — she sees Ai in herself. It's pure empathy made as real and tangible as it gets. At long, long last, someone has squinted past the blinding light cast by Ai of B-Komachi and seen Hoshino Ai alone in the shadows where she's been this whole time.

Break next week…! That was to be expected — Jump Festa 2024 will be taking place next weekend and there will be a OnK panel with the seiyuu for Ai, Aqua, Kana and Akane in attendance. We're confirmed to be getting some season 2 news as well, so there's that to look forward to!

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #onk spoilers #ruby hoshino #ai hoshino

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mikachacha · 7 months

Text

𝙺𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚖𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: You and Bada are roommates and there were moments that felt like you could be something more. Honestly, it's just a waiting game between you two now. To see who gives in and confess first.

Warning: Idk, maybe the explicit lyrics of the song or something 😭

Also, this is my first fic because I couldn't think of anything else other than my gayness for Bada whenever I hear this song 😫 Forgive me for some errors because English is not my first language ❤

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮

Bada came home after a stressful day and heard 𝙺𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝙼𝚎 𝙼𝚘𝚛𝚎 by Doja Cat playing from the speakers and the sound of the vacuum being used. She couldn't help but smile as she entered the living room quietly and found you cleaning while singing and even dancing around to the music playing. She couldn't help but watch you as you moved around, seemingly lost in your own little world.

"Can you kiss me more? We're so young 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕, we ain't got nothing to lose oh, oh.." you sang and Bada raised her eyebrow as she noticed that you changed the lyrics from boy to girl. It could only mean one thing, right? Or she's just assuming things because truth be told, Bada likes you but is too scared to admit it because she's scared that you might not like her back.

"I see you're enjoying yourself, Y/N." she finally spoke and you swore you jumped 20 feet to the air after realizing that Bada was there and has seen all the atrocities that you were doing while cleaning. You got home earlier from your modeling gig and decided to clean around, was even planning on making dinner for you and Bada. In hopes that maybe she gets a hint that you're in love with her or something and you guys could work something out before you go insane.

"Jesus! Can you not do that? You nearly gave me a heart attack!" you said while rubbing your chest a bit, trying to calm your racing heart and she only laughs, shaking her head in amusement. You paused the song and finished vacuuming before sitting down on the couch which prompted her to sit as well.

You dramatically raised your arms up for a hug before just planting your face on her lap. Her hand began playing with your hair and the both of you sat there, enjoying the silence and each other.

"Y/N, I've been meaning to tell you something. You can call me delulu or whatever but when you changed the lyrics from boy to girl earlier, it kind of hinted that maybe you're attracted to girls.." Bada broke the silence and you listened, cheeks burning. You didn't mean to do that. Well you did mean that but you did not mean to let Bada hear that. But maybe it did something good for your part because you're finally having this talk with her.

"Y-yeah.. I'm.. actually attracted to girls but not just any girl. I'm actually attracted to someone specific." you told her and sat upright so you can look at her. Her face held anticipation and fear at the same time which you found cute.

"Yeah? Can you tell me who that someone is and I tell you this someone I actually like for a long time? Just to be fair since you've been asking about it a lot." Bada asked. Her heart is pounding against her chest. She wants to know the person that you like and not at the same time. What if she's just delusional thinking that she's the one that you like but you actually like someone else? She doesn't know how to live with that if that ever happens.

"It's you.. Bada, it's you." you finally confessed and she lets out a sigh of relief before hugging you close to her chest, thanking everyone and everything that she can think of for this wonderful moment that she's living in. She can finally tell team BeBe that she's not delusional and you do really like her back.

"You have no idea how happy I am right now.. I like you— wait, I love you, Y/N. I love you so much, ever since the first time you made me some food when I got sick." she says and you smiled, remembering that time. She was so sick after a practice and you just came home from work. She's just a sad and sick burrito roll on the couch and couldn't move a lot due to fatigue. You nursed her back to full health which was like two days and got sick right after but you didn't regret it.

"If that's the case.. Can you kiss me more? We're so young, girl. We've got nothing to lose oh, oh.." you sang teasingly and she chuckled before cupping your cheeks and kissing your lips gently, just savoring the moment and the taste of your lips against hers.

#bada lee #swf2 x reader #bada lee x reader #swf2

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juniperhillpatient · 14 days

Text

I’m rewatching Scream scenes & was reading through the comment section on a YouTube video of Principal Himbrys death & came across a really interesting theory. I don’t believe it’s the intention of the creators but it’s a super fun (to me) head canon.

Billy didn’t show up late to the party because he was killing Himbry, but rather because he was waiting for Tatum in the garage (considering the timeline this does make a lot more sense to me - he showed up so fast after her death & we know Stu didn’t kill her because he was at the party in the living room).

Instead, it was one of the nameless bullies that got expelled earlier for using the Ghostface mask to trigger Sidney. This would make them the only Ghostface to ever get away with it!

I just think it’s a fun head canon. I’ve already expressed my negative feelings about upcoming Scream projects due to the IRL bs I’d rather not get into on this silly theory post but just forget about that for a second & imagine for fun if this random boy was a killer in a future movie. Maybe he never killed again after getting away with it that once, quietly reveling for years in his victory but then one day he got restless & decided to start a new spree - something in the current timeline could trigger him idk. And thus this new killing spree meant Sam & Tara took him down & he didn’t get away with it after all.

Either way the idea of one of those guys killing Himbry & everyone assuming it was Billy is just fun to me.

Anyway this was just a fun idea & theory to me.

#scream 1996 #billy loomis #stu macher #scream #sidney prescott #tatum riley #scream theory

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sp0o0kylights · 6 months

Note

Idk if you're still taking submissions from the WIP game, but if so, I would definitely be interested in a snippet for 20.

20! This is Hungry, the main werewolf AU I have. Outside of my big fics (in terms of word length--Cults and Illustrated) I have the most snippets for Hungry, but its so all over the place lol.

This is not A/B/O, this is a werewolf verse similar to Patricia Briggs/Ilona Andrews type of werewolves. As with the others, it may get a LOT of the editing axe lol.

Snippet:

Steve woke with a groan, feeling like he’d been hit by a car.

Again.

“Do I want to know what happened?” He muttered, though it was mostly to his own wolf, as the details of the earlier morning slowly filtered through his memories.

Like many werewolves, his wolf was a part of him, but often operated almost like it was a purely separate being.

This was due to the drastic differences between wolf and human lives, with the human portion having more problems adjusting to their combined form than the blunt way wolves did. It let werewolves feel like they could “talk” to their other half, though the actual magic was far more complex than that.

Steve didn’t particularly care for complexities and so, just went with the basic explanation of things.

It suited him and his wolf just fine.

Eddie was passed next to him, head pillowed on Steve's chest, face tucked into his neck. A glance showed Jonathan was blinking awake behind Eddie, curled up into a tight ball the same way he always slept.

This meant Steve got to watch the sheer joy that was Eddie Munson’s curls tickling Jonathan Byers’ nose, the latter sneezing himself into full awareness.

“Shut up Steve.” He grumbled when he finally stopped, Steve desperately trying to silence his snickering so that they didn’t wake Eddie.

::I’d tell you to make me, Byer’s, but I don’t need to give Eddie ideas.:: Steve said it over the packbond between them, making the conversation both private and silent, so as to not wake their sleeping member.

He waggled his eyebrows though, just to see the face it made Jonathan make.

(He got an amazing eye roll in response, the both of them pretending Jonathan wasn’t trying to hide a smile. )

He studied their newest member while for a while, chewing absently on his lower lip as he did so, and Steve let him take his time.

Wasn't in the mood to rush things, after the close call they'd had back in the kitchen.

:: I like him.:: Jonathan said finally, sounding quiet even when he talked in a way that didn’t involve his voice at all. ::I don’t know what Hop said to him or why, but from what I’ve seen, he’s well suited to being our Second.::

Second as in, the official Second in Command of the Pack, as in Nancy’s replacement, something Steve agreed wholeheartedly with.

Nancy tried, bless her. She did. Didn’t do a bad job either, it was just that….

Steve thought of how pinched her face got when all six children sprung one of their hair brained schemes on the Pack, how she made strangling motions at Mike’s back when she thought no one could see her.

It was hilarious, and meant in good fun, but it also was a reminder that when it came to wrangling all their younger members, Eddie was far superior both in ability to direct and lead them.

(Bonus, they actually cared about Eddie’s approval and opinion.)

#werewolf #steddie #this is actually steddie for once lol #hungry verse

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sparkywrites25 · 2 months

Note

Rivetra au where in they are together and Erwin is like “secretly” Petra’s older bro (maybe like from different mother idk) and Levi doesn’t know but Erwin knows about them

Summary: Petra Ral is holding onto more than one secret in the Scouts.

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Petra Ral

Taglist: @youre-ackermine @lunar-rainclouds @captain-natey @love4-bunny @galactict3a

Notes: If you like my work and want to see more then please join my taglist. Form is pinned on my blog.

I restarted this a lot cos I had a lot of different ideas.

Petra jerked awake at once, her body snapping into an upright position, her head flying from its comfortable nest on her lover’s shoulder. Her large, amber eyes swept the room with the same speed and dexterity as if she were searching for titan presence on the battlefield. For those seconds, her heart thrashed in her chest and each of her breasts was pushed out of her in uneasy pants. She blinked, slowly taking in her surroundings as a strong, firm hand began to rub circles into her back.

“Easy,” Levi’s voice was low and steady, soothing against the racing rhythm of her heartbeat and breaths right now. “You’re fine. It was just a nightmare.”

It was a nightmare, Petra recalled although the recollection was quickly slipping out of her mind like water down a drain pipe. She got glimpses of bloodied bodies and torn off patches of uniform. A beautiful countryside littered with blood and fallen comrades. It wasn’t just a nightmare though. It was memory. The recent expedition to be exact.

“Breathe,” the captain spoke again, equally low and unobtrusive to her heightened state of anxiety right now. Petra followed his instruction immediately. She inhaled long and deep, letting the oxygen flood into her lungs. She held the air for a moment, willing it to go to her brain and clear the fear that was sat in her mind. She exhaled after a moment and felt some of the tension in her shoulders begin to subside as well.

Another breath and the feeling continued to ease off more and more. As it did, she became more aware of herself and where she was.

She and Levi were sat on his little sofa facing the fireplace. The warmth from the flames was welcome against the slight chill that was coming from the slightly rattling window that never seemed to quite shut fully, thus allowing some of the waging wind to slip inside. She leaned towards the warmth, enjoying the feeling of her lover’s hand rubbing her back.

Petra ran a hand over her face and sighed once she’d taken a few more deep breaths. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just doze off.”

“Don’t apologize for resting,” Levi chided her, giving her a knowing side-eye that immediately inspired some guilt to bloom in her chest. She was reminded of his own sleeping issues. How nice it must seem to him that she could just fall asleep like that. “You need to listen to your body so that you can recover.”

Petra arched her back as she stretched up then regretted it instantly. Her face contorted into a grimace as aches and pains from earlier came rushing back into her limbs. She half-grumbled a curse word as the discomfort flowed through her. “I’m fine,” she liked automatically.

“Tch,” Levi shook his head. “You expect me to believe that feeble bullshit?” he asked. His hand pressed firmer into her back, working at the lower muscles where her ODM gear had been most heavily placed. Petra bit back a grateful moan at the wonderful sensation of his touch there. “Go and take a hot bath. Use my place,” he told her with a jerk of his head towards his bedroom and the small private bathroom beyond it. “Hot water will do you some good.”

It was out of habit and duty that Petra even hesitated about such a generous and enticing offer. She bit her lip thoughtfully and could practically hear Levi’s eye roll in her direction.

“Petra,” he spoke softly although not many would recognize it as so given the similarity to his usual brusque tone. “Go and get some clean clothes and come back here. I’ll have the bath waiting for you. You need this. Otherwise, your muscles will just thank you by cramping or seizing up tomorrow. I doubt you want to spend another day off being in pain.”

Petra was grateful for the matter-of-fact manner in which Levi spoke. It helped to reawaken her own common sense and push back at the pride that wanted to resist special treatment. Doing so had kind of gone out of the window at this point anyway, ever since she and the captain had begun their secret relationship: late nights sharing tea and helping him with his paperwork, the occasional sleepover in his room, and some “coincidental” patrol times shared as well as shared duties. It wasn’t always easy having this secret relationship but Levi’s ability to treat Petra the same as he always had helped her to keep up the act too. Plus, they’d both agreed that being the subject of gossip and teasing and accusations of favouritism just wasn’t the sort of hassle they wanted to deal with at the present moment. Maybe one day they would but for now it suited them to keep quiet.

It was rather exciting to sneak around, as well, Petra thought to herself as she finally agreed and left Levi’s office behind to fetch some clean clothes from her room.

On her return, she followed the light steam through to Levi’s small personal bathroom. Levi knelt next to the bathtub, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows as he swirled the water about and kept hold of the tap. The water was already over halfway filling up the tub as Petra stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She eyed the lean muscles visible along his arms. A light blush touched her cheeks as memories of those arms holding her close began to slip into her mind. Those strong limbs pressing her into an equally strong and beautifully bare chest while soft lips pushed against hers, making her whole body heat up with intense sparkling energy.

“Are you planning on taking a dip fully clothed?” Her lover’s question cut through her increasingly lustful thoughts and the blush in her cheeks deepened as she returned her attention to Levi who had turned the taps off and was rising to his feet. “That doesn’t really count as washing your clothes, you know.”

“Funny,” Petra smiled, trying not to imagine the clothes coming off his body and yet her mind was already wandering there, to the many nights they’d spent in his bed, kissing and letting their hands feel the way to the spots that gave them both the most intense pleasure. To the feel of him moving over her, inside her and behind her, his lips warming her skin with his touch. The power of his body, so vicious against titans but so careful and restrained with her. Her heartbeat fluttered the more she thought about it.

“Maybe you could do the honours,” Petra’s lips quirked.

“I’m not sure there are many honours in stripping you off and then stepping aside,” Levi retorted although he released the tiniest huff of amusement.

“Who said anything about you stepping aside?” Petra questioned, stepping closer to him. Her hands touched his forearms, sliding up the lean sturdiness of his muscles before coming to rest atop his shoulders. Her hands squeezed the muscles there softly. “You could always join me.” She ignored the ache that rose through her wrists at the movement.

She smiled more as Levi’s hands moved to her hips and for a moment, Petra thought that she might be able to persuade him, that this bath might become all the more enjoyable. Her smile grew and her eyes shone bright and hopeful as she gazed into Levi’s grey-blue ones.

His thumbs rubbed her sides. “Your body’s not going to thank you for having sex right now,” he breathed.

The corners of Petra’s mouth twitched irresistibly and she lowered her gaze briefly, taking another step forward until her chest was brushing against her boyfriend’s lightly. “Well, actually sir, I think it just might,” she whispered teasingly, slowly leaning in towards his face. His beautiful eyes narrowed, their attention drawn to her approaching lip. He inhaled slowly and tilted his head, lowering his head just a little to meet Petra’s mouth in a brief, tender touch. Petra lingered there, her eyes closing fully as her smile widened. “I think it’d thank me very much,” she whispered against his mouth.

In that moment, Levi relaxed under her touch. She felt his shoulders drop for a moment and his mouth moved slowly over hers, engaging her in another gentle kiss. Her hands slid to his face as he continued to kiss her. His hands moved around to the small of her back, holding her snugly against his body. Petra relaxed into the kiss immediately, satisfied with the feeling of being in her lover’s arms, surrounded by the enticing steam of the bath and the faint aroma of the limited liquid bathing soap allowed to the upper ranks of the officers. Lavender filled her nostrils, easing away some of the lingering tensions from earlier.

Petra’s arms began to wrap around Levi’s shoulders but his hands suddenly caught her forearms and stopped them. He broke the kiss and blinked for a moment as if waking from a dream. “It won’t thank you tomorrow when you ache even worse,” Levi reminded her, his voice low and soft. He pecked her lips once more. “When you’re feeling better,” he added.

Petra felt like some cool air had been added to the seductive warmth of a moment ago and already the atmosphere was thinning out. She pouted a little in protest but the captain’s words still landed well. If they were to fool around right now, it would miss the whole point of the bath in the first place.

Pulling away a little, she nodded once, smiling ruefully at her boyfriend. “Okay, you’re probably right,” she conceded.

Levi moved his hands up to her shoulders, cupping them carefully but firmly. “Stay still. Hold onto me if you need to,” he instructed as he began to slide her jacket off her shoulders, letting it fall down her arms. He folded it up and rested it on the counter next to the sink behind them. Petra was grateful for him stripping her as it gave her a nice reason to not move her aching limbs more than she had to. Plus she liked the way that his nimble fingers quickly unfastened the buttons of her shirt one by now until the material gave way and revealed her flat stomach and the numerous purple bruises already forming there and up closer towards her chest too. Soon he was pulling her shirt off completely although he did so more slowly once he spotted a couple of bruises on her arms along the way.

“Did you play bounce on the ground or something?” he murmured as he folded up her shirt.

“Something like that,” Petra shrugged then winced.

Levi lifted his hands to her bare shoulders, stroking them softly, his thumb pressing gently into the tired muscles there. Petra’s heartbeat fluttered and her skin tingled under his touch. Each stroke brought a little relief to her shoulders which she enjoyed for those seconds before Levi lowered his hands away.

His hands made careful work of stripping off the rest of her uniform. By the time he was finished, her legs were feeling achy. Petra reached out a hand towards the wall to steady herself as she approached the bath.

Suddenly Levi’s arms were under her back and legs and he lifted her into a bridal hold with ease. She swung her arms around his neck to stabilize herself with a soft squeak. She saw the corners of his mouth play up slightly at her noise. “I’ve got you,” he whispered as he lowered her into the bath.

Petra couldn’t hold back the prolonged moan that escaped her as hot, pleasantly scented water washed over her at once. Her aches were replaced with this rush of heat all through her. She leaned her head back against the tub and let her eyes flutter closed. “Oh that feels good,” she breathed, letting herself sink into the water as much as she could.

Next to the tub, Levi knelt next to her, bringing his hands through the water and reaching up to spread the water over her neck and face. Petra let him. It felt nice to have that soothing touch amplified by the heat of the water.

“Thank you,” Petra sighed after a few minutes of just basking in the heat had passed.

“You know, it’s ironic,” Levi commented as he took a small bowl and filled it with water from the tub, “that you’re so good at taking care of everyone else but you let things slide for yourself.” He put the bowl to one side and then leaned both of his elbows on the edge of the tub, watching her thoughtfully with his eyes narrowing a little. “You remind me of someone that way,” he mused.

“Who?” Petra’s curiosity won out over answering Levi’s initial comment. “I just find it easier to worry about other people. I guess, with myself, it’s hard to draw the line between what’s necessary and what’s… an indulgence, I guess.” She confessed as she pushed the water around her arms and chest.

“Soothing aches after a mission is an indulgence?” Levi questioned. Petra smiled at his dodging of her question.

“Isn’t it?” Petra questioned, lifting her head to meet his eyes. “When I wasn’t really injured and I feel okay?” Her voice shook with uncertainty. How could she saw that she was entitled to anything after some of the things that their comrades had gone through? She moved the water around some more and inhaled the steam that still hung in the air. Her insides melted under the seductive heat, chasing away some of the chilly anxiety that was trying to creep in with her thoughts.

Suddenly Levi’s hand plunged into the water, reaching for hers and lifting it out, entwining their fingers together as he did. “You didn’t break any bones, Petra but you still got hurt. Your body is worn out from fighting so hard. Think of the comrades that you saved today. They’re alive and can go home and see their families because of you. I’d say they’d agree that the least you deserve is a hot bath.”

Petra’s anxiety melted away from her instantly and she shook her head with the softest of laughs. “Wow. With that kinda speech, you can give the commander a run for his money,” she teased, squeezing his fingers. “Thank you,” she added quietly.

“Tch,” Levi shook his head. “You’re the one reminding me of him right now. Pushing yourself forward without resting.” He stroked her fingers with his thumb.

“Me, like the commander?” Petra scoffed, coughing a little awkwardly. “I don’t see it.”

“In that respect you are,” Levi remarked, a slight smirk tugging at his mouth. “It’s a pain,” he mused before the smirk dropped entirely. He rested his elbows on the side of the tub. “You can only stay as strong as you are by resting, Petra. By doing what you need to feel better.”

It was Petra’s turn to squeeze Levi’s hand. “Shall I remind you of that when you only rest for four hours?”

“Heh, you think I wouldn’t sleep longer if I could?” Levi questioned, lifting both of his eyebrows and lowering Petra’s hand back into the water. “Don’t take this for granted, Petra. Rest for as long as you can. Heal for as long as you can.”

Petra held his gaze for a moment, considering his words as the heat from the bath continued to soak into her skin, chasing away the remnants of the pains from the mission.

——————————————

An hour later, the fireplace was blazing hotter and higher than before.

Petra and Levi had returned to the fireplace. Levi’s arms cradled Petra close to him, holding her so that she could lean her head back on his shoulder. He made no complaint for the wetness that had seeped into his shoulder. The clean smell of her hair was soothing to him as was the feeling of her nestled perfectly into his arms.

Outside the window, the wind had died down and the world was quiet. The crackling of the fireplace rose in volume. An aura of peace shrouded the silent, relaxing couple.

Petra could stay here all night and all day, she realized happily as she leaned against Levi. The thought of shutting out the cruel world that they lived in and the pain that was constantly being inflicted within it was an appealing option if an unrealistic one. Eventually they would have to return to their jobs, their duties. For the sake of humanity. They had to give the people hope. They had to do their best to bring people back alive. They had to give the world a reason to keep smiling, to find the joy in life. Otherwise what was the point of all this fighting? They had to fight for moments like these: relaxing by the fire with loved ones, emotional conversations and cups of tea. All the little pleasures in this life.

Watching the flames was so comfortably hypnotic that Petra’s eyes drooped again and again. After fighting back a couple of yawns, she eventually let one escape.

“Go to bed,” Levi murmured, kissing her temple.

Petra gave a soft, protesting groan. “I’m comfy here,” she murmured, snuggling into his shoulder all the more.

“That bath will have been for nothing if you hurt your back falling asleep on this shitty sofa,” Levi pointed out. He lifted his hand from around her shoulder to play with the damp strands of her hair. “Go and get some sleep, Petra,” he urged her with another kiss to her temple. There was a long pause before he spoke again. “People are going to need you at your best to keep their spirits up,” he added. “You’re always telling us to take care of ourselves, right? Follow your own advice.”

His answer brought a deeper smile out in Petra’s face and she tried not to laugh aloud at it. He made good points, as he often did, but Petra still didn’t want to leave the comfort of his embrace and the gorgeous warmth of the fireplace. Even the prospect of wrapping herself up in bed didn’t compare to this feeling right now. However, she was out of any logical arguments that would swing.

She yawned once more and stretched her arms out ahead of her with a slow, resigned nod. “Okay, you win. I’ll go to bed,” she said pushing herself up to her feet. She felt him standing up behind her. Smiling, she turned to face him, her hands moving to his cheeks. His hands found her sides as she leaned in to kiss him again. “Goodnight,” she whispered.

“Goodnight, Petra,” Levi whispered against her lips before moving away from her and walking towards his desk which still had a mountain of paperwork sat atop it.

Petra sighed. “At least pretend that you’re going to go to bed,” she complained softly. However by this point, she knew when to choose her battles over this. She watched as the captain sat himself behind his desk and pulled the pile of paperwork in front of him.

“Sleep, Petra,” was all her boyfriend said on the matter.

——————————————

Admittedly the mild chill in the hallways was a refreshing balm against the heat of the bath, fireplace and her own drowsiness. It forced Petra to focus on navigating the many hallways and stairways of the headquarters. The further she walked, the more her aches began to wake up. She slowed her pace, determined not to undo the bath completely. She slid her hands into her jacket pockets and gazed out of the windows as she walked.

The world was hauntingly beautiful in the middle of the night, Petra thought as she stopped by a pane and gazed out at the darkened world and the shadowy houses of Trost all around the walls of Scout Headquarters. A constant reminder of the people that Petra was here to protect. A reminder that they were part of humanity as well as fighting for them.

You are starting to sound like the Commander a little bit, Petra mused to herself. Maybe he’s rubbing off on me. I suppose it was gonna show up sooner or later. We are related after all.

Not that anyone in the Scouts was aware that Commander Erwin Smith was, in fact, Petra’s half-brother. As she began to walk again, continuing down the empty hallways, she let her thoughts wander back over her time in the military. It was a careful secret they’d both kept well - helped by the fact that Petra had a different surname and had inherited more of her father’s looks than her mother’s though her mother often said that she and Erwin had the same smile and the same determination in their eyes whenever they got it in their minds to do something. She’d been so frustrated when Petra had been determined to join the military like her brother.

Erwin was already a squad leader by the time that Petra began her training. It was determined to be the simpler course of action to avoid any suspicion and claims of favouritism if they just kept their family connection a secret. Not that there was anything to found such things. Erwin had always been good at treating Petra the way they’d agreed that he would - as just another Scout. They’d both managed to hold the secret very well so far. Petra had made only one request when she’d first joined the regiment. She didn’t want to be in Erwin’s squad. Her brother had agreed that, while having her in his squad would give him the opportunity to watch over her, it also potentially offered them both a distraction on the battlefield and that was something they both considered too risky. Out of sight didn’t guarantee that they wouldn’t worry about each other but it had to be better than watching each other fight. It would force them to focus on themselves and trust the other one to be able to stay alive and do their job.

It was the right decision, Petra mused with a smile. She wasn’t “the Commander’s kid sister” nor was her elevation to Levi Squad any act of nepotism. She had made it this far within the Scouts on her own. Even though it meant telling lies along the way including to her captain.

Petra pushed those thoughts away from her as another yawn tumbled from her mouth. The prospect of bed was even more welcoming and comforting now. The thought of sinking her head onto her pillow and wrapping herself in her bedsheets was a very happy one.

She was walking along a particularly quiet hallway when a door in the middle suddenly opened, filling a rectangular patch of the floor with the familiar amber of firelight. The sudden appearance of the light caught her attention and she lifted her eyes towards it instantly. Who else is up at this time of night?

A tall and familiar figure stepped out into the doorway, turning towards Petra. “You’re up very late, Petra,” Erwin remarked.

His sleeves were rolled up and rumpled and several buttons of his shirt were undone as well. His hair was ruffled with stray stands sticking up. He immediately began to smooth it down. Petra thought back a chuckle. Some habits never change. Always has to look his best as soon as someone is watching him.

He’d been that way for as long as Petra had known him. She’d never really understood why. Why he was always putting on one face when there was more going on below the surface. Whenever she’d asked him, he simply told her that it was easier to catch flies with honey rather than vinegar and that sometimes things got done better with charming smiles rather than bitter bickering. Their mother agreed and Petra couldn’t say that she disagreed with that logic either but even so, there was still something that her

“Yeah,” Petra acknowledged, her hands finding their way to each other through the air and clasping, channeling the nervous energy that was beginning to rise up through her. She couldn’t admit that she’d just spent the evening in the arms of her superior officer (and Humanity’s Strongest, for that matter.) She and Levi had long since determined that keeping it out of the ears of those who would gossip and those who would have concerns was just going to be better all round. “I just wanted to… to go for a walk before bed. I’ve been thinking about a lot,” she said, taking as much truth out of today as she could. She had taken a walk this morning… which was technically before bed. She did have a lot on her mind too. Nothing she’d told the commander was a lie.

“It’s been a trying few days,” Erwin acknowledged, sliding his hands into his pockets. “It was a particularly brutal expedition.”

That was a line her brother would say most expeditions. So far the mildest description of an expedition, in her experience, was “rough” and even then it had taken out a quarter of their soldiers, mostly new recruits at the time. It didn’t fill Petra with reassurance or confidence about her ability to survive the expedition. It just meant that the danger was still as present and still as ruthless as ever. She was just lucky at this point, as were they all. Petra had seen many good, talented soldiers being eaten.

Petra cut those thoughts off. She wouldn’t be able to sleep if she kept thinking about all that. The advice that Levi usually gave their squad after missions came to mind; focus on being alive and safe within the Walls again, otherwise it’ll drive you mad and next time you won’t come back. Blunt but effective words coming from the typically blunt captain.

“They’re always brutal,” Petra remarked as the resignation and sadness continued to swim around in her eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen an expedition that wasn’t.” She folded her arms and turned her eyes back to one of the windows she’d been looking out of. She could still see them, their comrades, spread across the ground like they were dolls.

“That’s true. The very nature of our job is brutal, no matter the fatality count,” Erwin remarked. He walked slowly towards her, tilting his head a little. Some of the stray strands of his ruffled hair fell into his face. “I’m glad I ran into you. I was hoping that we could talk for a few moments.” He paused. “If you’re not too tired, of course.”

He reached out and touched her elbow, just a small gesture but the action helped to ground Petra’s thoughts back to the present moment.

Petra’s gaze lingered on the blue stillness of the outside world for a moment as she exhaled slowly. “Yeah, I’m good to stay up for a little longer.” She murmured and slowly turned back around to face Erwin. “Is something wrong?” she asked, anxiety creeping into her voice.

“Nothing like that,” Erwin gestured for her to walk into his office. “Don’t worry.”

“Just what every Scout wants to hear while being summoned to the Commander’s office,” Petra commented, her eyes flickering playfully towards his as she strode into his office.

“I’m not exactly talking to you as a Scout,” Erwin murmured as he followed her inside.

The warmth of it welcomed Petra instantly. Unlike Levi’s office which had a minimalist structure in all with a bookcase, desk, sofa, chairs and a fireplace, Erwin’s room was like stepping into a library. Every wall not taken up by either the fireplace or windows was covered by bookshelf after bookshelf. It gave the room a comfortable library feel that felt very Erwin. In the middle of the room stood his desk with a couple of chairs beside it. Further along, a small sofa sat opposite the fireplace just like Levi’s. Erwin gestured to the sofa and they both took a seat on it. Petra’s attention immediately turned towards the flames which were still reasonably high and piled with a considerable amount of logs. Apparently Erwin wasn’t planning on getting some rest anytime soon. Petra smiled at the similarity to Levi who was no doubt still cooped up in his office with papers.

They sat comfortably for about a minute or so. With each second that passed, Petra wondered whether something was actually wrong and that Erwin was simply trying to keep her calm about something. Her brother’s ability to lie smoothly - while not something she’d experienced much - wasn’t lost on her either.

“Erwin.” The sound of her brother’s name sounded unusual from her lips, in their place of work anyway. Here he was just “the commander” or “Commander Erwin” if she used his name at all. Right now, on their own, it felt odd to be laying official titles to one side. “Are you sure that everything’s okay?”

“Everything is fine,” Erwin insisted, “although Mother has contacted me about you coming home for a visit soon.”

Petra released a breath in mingled relief that nothing was wrong and a little bit of exasperation. Her mother had been asking for her to come home for a while. Petra didn’t hate the idea in itself. It would be very good to see her, and her father too. She enjoyed the time she spent with them; being able to act like an ordinarily civilian was nice from time to time and it was a much needed rest. Being able to just do ordinary things every day and sleep in a bit longer and eat something other than the harsh military rations would be pretty damn good.

The trouble didn’t lie in going home but rather the preparation to go back. At some point during the trip, her mother would begin a conversation about whether Petra was still happy with the Military and if there was really no other work that she could be happy with. Petra bowed her head a little and reached up her hand to rub the bridge of her nose in anticipation of that conversation yet again. She’d lost track of how many times they’d had that conversation and how, each and every time, their mother had worn the same shining glimmer of hope in her eyes. The same shining blue of Erwin’s. Petra would hear the sorrow and the worry in her mother’s voice and she did feel for her, she really did.

But ultimately Petra would give her the same answer and deep down she’d resent her mother for making her give that same answer. For making her hurt her with the same answer.

“Of course she has,” she sighed, still staring into the fire. It was never going to be something that was ever unexpected but it was even more likely now after recent expeditions.

Some of the more recent fatalities had been children, brothers, sisters and cousins of the Ral’s neighbours. Petra could only imagine the impact of watching neighbours grieving over their children when your own child was still alive, still living in that danger. Petra could only imagine the level of anxiety that her mother was sitting in now. But still, the thought of reliving that conversation yet again held her back.

“I will go and see her,” Petra finally told her brother, “at some point. Just not yet.” She straightened up in her seat. “I don’t want to argue with her about still being in the Scouts.”

“Is that something you both argue about a lot?” Erwin asked with interest. For a moment, Petra scowled up at him, fire shining in her amber eyes.

You should know this. Petra thought accusingly. You should know we do because you should be going to see Mom too. You should be taking more time off to spend with her. You’re just as much at risk on expeditions as I am. You should know what we talk about. As soon as those thoughts passed through her head, Petra regretted them. Everyone in the Scouts knew how hard their commander worked. A select few even knew that he kept late hours and was constantly revising his strategy to try and minimize Scout casualties. It was a heavy burden and Erwin had taken on that mantle years before he should have had to.

So her features softened and she looked away with a long exhale. He was a busy man. They had both chosen this busy life. It didn’t leave them with many opportunities for the usual sibling bonding time. It had been that way for all of Petra’s life. Erwin was twelve when she was born. He had been training in the cadets during her infancy and by the time she was old enough to go to school, he was already an experienced Scout.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin’s voice lowered considerably. “I probably should know this.”

“It’s okay. You’re busy,” Petra said, swallowing back a brief resurgence of the bitterness from earlier as it shot back up her throat. “We do talk about it a lot. It feels like it’s every time I’m on leave. She asks if I’m still happy to keep doing this or if I could imagine doing something else.” She leaned forward again, elbows pressing into her knees as she reached up to cup her temples and push her hair out of her face. “We keep having the same conversation, over and over and it’s…” she trailed off.

“That sounds frustrating,” her brother murmured. “Especially when you’re so committed to this life that you’ve chosen. You don’t need to be reevaluating it all the time.” Petra felt him shift slightly closer to her on the couch. She turned to him briefly and nodded.

“Exactly,” she answered. “Why does she insist on hearing me say it over and over? It hurts her, I know it does. But I’m not gonna lie to her or give her false hope. This is what I chose. She needs to accept that.”

“She does,” Erwin agreed. He turned his own attention towards the firelight. “But that’s probably very hard for her. Both of her children are in the walls’ most dangerous military regiment. She’s already lost a husband inside the walls, which are supposed to be safe. Now both of her children travel outside the walls where the dangers are all the worst and ever-present. Every couple of months, she watches us leave the safety of the walls, knowing that the odds of us both returning are never particularly good.”

Erwin’s words made Petra’s stomach fill with a violent nauseous feeling as she imagined that truth going through her mother’s mind every time the Scouts left.

“I understand that that must be hard for her-” Petra began to say but Erwin cut her off.

“How can you and I fully understand?” he asked, his eyes fixing on Petra’s. “We don’t have children. We can’t fully appreciate what she goes through every time we leave the walls.”

Petra’s hands clasped together in front of her, wringing her fingers hard. “What are we supposed to do to make it better then? We shouldn’t have to give up on the life we chose,” she argued softly. “I love Mom, I do but I couldn’t do anything else,” she explained.

Suddenly Erwin’s hand moved to cover both of hers. “Nor could I and I love her dearly too. We can’t give up the purpose we chose. That’s something that maybe she can’t understand,” he continued. “Why our purpose is so important to us. Have you ever sat her down and explained things fully to her?”

Petra bit her lip and thought about it. “I… I’m not sure that I have.” “Perhaps it’s time you did. You can only break this cycle with her by talking things out with her,” Erwin mused. Leaning forward, his hand squeezed hers. “It’s been some time since she’s seen me too. We can both go home for a couple of nights and talk to her together.”

The idea filled Petra with a refreshing sense of relief. “That would be great,” Petra said, perking up at once. “That would really help, Erwin. Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me for visiting my own mother,” Erwin remarked, his lips tipping up into a playful smile. “We can make it easier on each other by going home together and drawing her worry together.” He released her hands and clasped his own. “I’m sure she’s got plenty to say to me after so long as well.”

“Does she keep asking you whether you still want to be commander?”

“Not that specifically. I made it clear to her that I wasn’t going to change my mind.”

Petra exhaled with a slight pout. “Lucky.”

“You think?” Erwin eyed his sister with an increasing smile. “You’re still young enough for her not to worry so much about relationships at my children.” He pointed out, turning away from her a little to stare into the fire, his smile growing. “At my age, she would expect me to be married with children by now,” he commented. “She didn’t like me choosing the Scouts over Marie,” he continued.

“You and Marie were so good together.” Petra recalled. “I don’t know how you did that. Giving up someone that you loved,” she mused. For a moment or two, there was silence between them and Petra eyed her brother with a slight frown. “Don’t tell me you didn’t love her. I know you did. You tried to pretend that you didn’t love her back then.”

“That pretense was as much for me as it was an attempt to reassure you and Mother,” Erwin recalled. “As much as it was for Marie. But it wasn’t fair to subject her to that fear of watching me ride out to the titans every few months.”

“Plenty of Scouts have people who do that. Would you say that they shouldn’t be married?” Petra asked.

Erwin smiled at the turnaround. “No. I’m not speaking for anyone else. Only my situation. I knew that there was someone who could give Marie the constant family life that she wanted. Nile loved her as much as I did.”

Petra scooted back on the sofa, resting her hands in her lap as a soft frown began to fill her expression. “Yeah but she loved you more, didn’t she?” she asked in a quiet voice.

Erwin didn’t answer straight away and Petra simply watched him for a moment, her eyes memorizing his side profile as the firelight danced over his features. Many people would see this man and they could only see the commander that led them against the titans time and time again. They saw the cool, firm strategist whose long range formation had saved many Scout lives in the long run. They saw the genius and his bravery. They saw his cleverness and dedication to fighting for humanity. They didn’t see the sacrifice he had made along the way. They didn’t see the compassion and care that he held for those closest to him. They didn’t see the man beneath the title and the responsibility.

“I’m sorry,” Petra said quickly. “I’m not trying to reopen old wounds, Erwin.”

“It’s all right,” Erwin murmured. “I know.”

“I’ve always thought that you deserved to have both,” Petra told him. “That you deserve love in your life after everything that you do.”

The chuckle that suddenly slipped out of her brother startled her and she blinked at him in slow confusion.

“Do I? After sending how many people to their deaths?” Erwin questioned. “Do I really deserve to have that in my life?”

“Yes,” Petra said without hesitation, smiling as her brother eyed her with genuine surprise. “You’re a commander. Commanders have to carry the weight of their decisions,” she said, placing her hand on his shoulder. “That doesn’t mean that you don’t get to live, Erwin.”

Erwin brought a free hand up to cover hers. “One moment ago, I was counseling you and now you’ve turned this around onto me,” he mused. “I’m impressed.” He squeezed her hand. “I appreciate what you’re saying but I still stand by my decision and I think Marie is happy enough with Nile. She has a family safe within Wall Rose. She has a good life.”

Petra opened her mouth to argue and then closed it again. Tonight was not the night to push it. Instead, she leaned her head on her brother’s shoulder, above his hand.

“I don’t regret this choice, Petra, any more than you have,” Erwin assured her. “Fighting for humanity gives me my purpose. Improving the Scouts’ survival rates and taking any victory against the titans is important to me. Just as I know fighting for humanity is important to you. We’ll explain that to Mother when we go home, together. We’ll break that cycle. All we can do from there is move forward.”

Petra chuckled softly and raised her head to shake it at her brother. “You just can’t stop with the speeches even here, can you?” she teased.

“Well, if you wouldn’t be so in need of brotherly advice,” Erwin teased.

“Says the man who was getting some counseling a few minutes ago,” Petra countered.

“Fair. Although I’m sure the time will come when I’m counseling you about your love life.”

Petra let out a scoffing sound. “Oh please,” she muttered, trying to force her voice not to crack or give any indication that she was lying. “I am not there yet. I’ve got enough to think about just getting through the expeditions,” she continued, “and not throttling Oluo every time he opens his damn mouth or bites his stupid tongue.”

Erwin tilted his head at her, not even disguising the smirk that was forming there now although there was another look in his eyes, something that made Petra feel uncertain. It was like curiosity but not quite. Something more. “Could there be some complicated feelings towards your comrade perhaps? You do spend a great deal of time with your team,” Erwin mused teasingly.

Petra brought a hand to her lips and gagged as nausea shot up her throat. “Oh, no” she said emphatically. “Please don’t say that again, Erwin. I just threw up a little in my mouth.”

Her brother chuckled quietly. “Apologies for making you feel so ill so close to bed time,” he told her. His gaze lifted to the small clock on his mantelpiece. “Speaking of, I think I’ve held you up quite enough tonight.”

“I don’t mind. It’s been nice talking to you,” Petra admitted.

“We don’t do it as often as we should,” Erwin agreed.

“Well you’re a busy man. I understand,” Petra said, “and we did agree that we wouldn’t make it public that we’re related.”

“We did. But I still enjoy spending time with my sister even if it means chasing her up to visit our mother.” Erwin smiled.

Petra smiled and shook her head. It helped to know that she and Erwin would both go home and see their mother and talk things out. It had been a long time since the three of them were all together as a family, including Petra’s father who got on fairly well with Erwin, helped by the fact that he didn’t try and be his father. Petra didn’t know much about Erwin’s father. Neither he nor their mother liked to discuss him in front of Petra and her father. Petra couldn’t say that she wasn’t curious but, again, this wasn’t a night for that either.

She pushed herself up to her feet and rolled her shoulders. “I better go and get some sleep then. Work myself up for this talk with Mom,” she teased.

Erwin rose up more gracefully than she had done. He carefully wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “It’ll work out well,” he told her. “Goodnight, Petra.”

“Goodnight, Erwin,” Petra hugged her brother briefly before heading towards the door. Carefully, she opened it slowly so that it didn’t creak and then slipped out into the shadows of the darkened hallway, her footsteps quietly echoing as they gradually began to disappear.

——————————————

His sister had become quite the proficient liar.

Erwin mused on this as he stood behind the door, listening to Petra’s footsteps echoing against the floor. She was going back the way she came rather than the direction she’d been going in when Erwin had interrupted her. It made him smile, to think that their conversation had gotten her thinking, had changed her mind. What specifically that was, he couldn’t say for sure but he had a good idea of who it involved. The sharer of the secret that she’d been keeping from him for some time.

He wasn’t sure when it had happened but he was glad that she could hold her own with a lie. It would be better this way. Better than things being out in the open and complicating things and just generally getting in the way. Some things weren’t meant to be a public matter. Sometimes things were better kept as secrets. The truth didn’t always set people free when it was spoken out loud. Sometimes doing so came with a bitter price. Erwin knew that better than anyone else. He’d paid it.

Smiling to himself, he stepped quietly out into the hallway, towards her retreating footsteps. He knew where she was going so he took his time.

Soon enough he was stood around the corner, watching his sister lingering outside Captain Levi’s doorway. How long she and his strongest soldier had been in a relationship, Erwin didn’t know. Neither of them were aware that Erwin had discreetly noticed Petra leaving Levi’s rooms rather late some nights or that something was different about his sister. He’d chosen not to confront them about it. Their relationship wasn’t impacting them on missions or in training and the less gossip about either of them among the other soldiers, the better.

Erwin knew it was selfish to focus on the benefits of their relationship as opposed to his sister’s happiness but the two things weren’t mutually exclusive and, he didn’t feel particularly inclined to meddle in Petra’s relationship without just cause. He trusted her to be able to hold her own or come to him if she needed help or advice and it suited him that she hadn’t. He could focus on other matters.

Still, there was a sentimentality to watching the captain’s door open and the happiness spread across Petra’s face as she walked into the glowing light radiating from within.

The two of them deserved to be happy together. In this dismal world, you had to take it where you could.

#my fics #fic: under watchful eyes #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #one shot #levi ackerman #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman x petra ral #levi ackerman x petra ral fanfiction #rivetra #rivetra fanfiction

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malevolentmango · 10 months

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meta thoughts on Loki's role in What You've Already Buried

Yes, this is a meta post about my own fic. idk how I got here but I do in fact have a lot of thoughts about Loki and how I chose to combine the p5r persona, the actual mythology of Loki, and Goro's character arc, so here we are.

If you haven't read the whole fic and you care about spoilers, make sure to leave this for after! Also, this got... really long and sort of all over the place. I tried to organize it all but alskdjfa oops?

So, to start, I'll go through the various stories I referenced in the fic. Obviously we're playing fast and loose with the mythology here in general, but stick with me.

Chapter 2

The dream in chapter 2 was the result of me mashing together two different, unrelated stories. The poem Hyndluljóð briefly references Loki eating a woman's roasted heart, and no matter how many times I told myself I didn't need to include that imagery anywhere in my fic, you can see that it ended up there anyway because it's sexy as hell. The rest of that scene, where Goro/Loki talks about his fate and how they will always end up here, is a reference to Loki's role in the death of the god Baldr, which results in Loki being bound and eventually starting Ragnarök when he breaks free. This is the first real hint in the story that Loki is behind all of this - particularly when he refers to Akira as "the bleeding god," which is an epithet for Baldr.

Fun fact about the dream sequences, actually: originally there were only two, the very vague one in chapter 1 and the binding in chapter 3. As I was editing chapter 2, I realized that I wanted to start building up to the eventual reveal of Loki's involvement much earlier than I had while writing (and in fact, when I first started writing this, I hadn't even decided who or what created the app - I just wanted to get the concept down, and it all kind of snowballed from there).

From there though, I picked up a bit of a theme, and a progression. The dreams were meant to parallel certain scenes we get in Goro's confidant route - things like him joking about taking Akira out at the arcade, and the game of billiards that's one big metaphor about Goro's subterfuge. They act as warnings, and in the case of the dreams, rather direct ones: Goro is literally eating Akira's heart. Goro is the one who wanted to kill him, and therefore Loki, as a part of his heart, is a danger to Akira. But Akira never takes them as warnings. What he sees are cries for help, a cycle that Goro can't break out of on his own.

The parallels between Goro and Loki are pretty blatant in this one. Talking about his lies, the people he's killed, how "I can be no other than what I am." That line is actually a reference to the song No More What Ifs, which plays in Jazz Jin: "I do not / regret with my choices I'm rather proud / ooh I know I won't change anything / because I can only be me."

Chapter 3

The dream in chapter 3 was, as Goro himself explains later, the binding of Loki from the poem Lokasenna. This one is actually pretty close to the original, with the major differences being that Loki was bound with the entrails of his own son and the "poison" is actually venom dripping from a snake. I think it's neat that Loki's reaction to the venom touching him is what's thought to create earthquakes, so I wanted to include that as well.

As mentioned above, this dream was actually the first one I wrote. The idea just sort of came to me while writing and I really wanted to include it. This is why it's a bit different from the others, in that it doesn't take place anywhere that would be familiar to Akira, but rather in the Void itself. And I think the result is that it's even more pointed than the previous dream. This is Loki himself showing Akira exactly what he's getting into - that Goro, and by extension himself, comes with a whole helluva lot of baggage. That if Akira goes through with this mission, he will forever be the Sigyn who loves Loki too much to let him be hurt, and must watch him hurt anyway.

But as we know, Akira is too stubborn to let that stop him. Akira believes wholeheartedly in saving people, but especially in saving Goro Akechi. That determination is really put on display in chapter 4.

Chapter 4

The dream in chapter 4 is different in that it's not based on an actual story, but rather on the etymology of the name Loki, which is thought to originate from a Germanic root word related to loops, knots, and hooks. I'm just gonna include the direct quote from Eldar Heide that inspired this because it's pretty great: "There is quite a bit of evidence that Loki in premodern society was thought to be the causer of knots/tangles/loops, or himself a knot/tangle/loop. Hence, it is natural that Loki is the inventor of the fishnet, which consists of loops and knots, and that the word loki is a term for makers of cobwebs: spiders and the like."

It's important to note at this point, I think, that all three of these dreams take place in the story after Akira and Goro have a conversation in the previous scene about who Goro is and what he wants. In chapter 2, Akira dreams of Goro eating his heart in the interrogation room directly after Akira tells Goro what he learned in the Velvet Room and Goro tries to convince Akira that he isn't worth saving.

In chapter 3, Akira dreams of the binding of Loki after Akira tells Goro that he's worthy of Robin Hood, and then teases him about how he found Black Mask Goro, and by extension Loki, attractive. This was partially just for fun (I was imagining it a bit as Loki going "you don't have a book about me yet? well check this shit out--"), but it's also another moment of Akira reaffirming that he wants Goro around.

So chapter 4, then, takes place the same night that Akira sends the thirst trap pic of himself to Goro, and Goro responds with a last ditch attempt at intimidation - trying to insist that even if Akira cares about him, he won't be able to handle the depth of Goro's feelings for him, because they're too much. He's too selfish, too possessive. Unfortunately for him, Akira is into that.

And this dream thus breaks the pattern. The previous ones were about things happening to Akira - he couldn't even speak in them. He was a bystander, a victim. In this one, he is literally bound, a treat all tied up for Goro/Loki to enjoy. The more Akira tries to escape, the more Goro/Loki breaks down, talking about how he can't let Akira go, that everyone leaves him. And when Akira does escape and goes directly to Goro/Loki instead of leaving, he delivers on the promise he didn't even realize he was making two chapters ago: that he will pull Goro out of the cycle and set him free too.

Chapter 5

The PTs genderbending and being chased through a forest came from the Gylfaginning book of the Prose Edda, which details how Loki turned into a mare in order to lure a builder's stallion away from his work and thus cheat him out of his payment from the Æsir. This encounter results in Loki later giving birth to the horse Sleipnir.

Utgard-Loki

From the same book comes the story of Utgard-Loki (technically written Útgarða-Loki, but I chose to leave it as "Utgard" the way the Persona series does). Utgard is a giant who agreed to shelter Loki and Thor for a night in exchange for performing a feat. The reason the Thieves have to do four feats is because there are actually two children with Loki and Thor in the story, but I didn't want to get into all that here. For similar reasons, their feats are a lot more straightforward than, for example, Loki competing in an eating contest against the personification of a wildfire.

Fenrir, Sköll, and Hati

Next, in the forest, we get Fenrir and his sons Sköll and Hati. The two younger wolves are said to chase the sun and moon across the sky until the onset of Ragnarök, at which point they would be caught and swallowed. In the fic, this has already happened, as their light is visible when the wolves howl - implying that Ragnarök has already started, and the Thieves are moving closer to the final battle.

The place they lead the Thieves to, Fenrir's island, is a direct reference to the island Lyngvi (meaning "a place overgrown with heather") where the Æsir bind Fenrir with Gleipnir, as described in Gylfaginning. They do so by tricking him and questioning his courage, saying that if he truly can't break free of this simple ribbon, then he must not be a danger to them after all. In reality, Odin feared Fenrir, who the prophecies said would be the death of Odin, and the gods considered all children of Loki to be too dangerous to be free.

This is where a lot of the threads start to come together with regards to how I chose to portray Loki in this fic: as a deviant, as a trickster, as a murderer, but also as someone who (like Goro) was a victim of his role in the larger story he's part of. Ragnarök can't happen without Loki - it doesn't matter how much he aids the gods, how much he's a part of their ranks. The moment he pulls the strings of Baldr's death, he's an outcast. He is the unwanted, the persecuted, all because it's foretold that he will be. He cannot escape the cycle. No one escapes Ragnarök.

In talking about this story with a friend, I described my portrayal of Loki as being more sympathetic than a lot of other ones I've read in this fandom. I think that really comes through in this scene, even though Loki isn't in it at all. Part of that is because it's from Akira's POV and he has a massive savior complex, but really I just liked the idea of twisting the lens through which we think about Loki as a character and how we connect him to the actual stories about him.

When I was reading about Loki for this fic, the idea I kept coming back to was that he just seems... tragic. That as much as he delights in causing suffering, it comes at the cost of a deep, personal pain. Imagine having everything you've worked for, everything you've done and created, taken away from you at the whims of someone more powerful than you. A player in a game you were born to lose. That's Loki, and it is also, of course, Goro Akechi.

Loki in the Mead Hall

This piece was, of course, inspired by Lokasenna, Loki's Flyting. The Thieves hear the gods reacting angrily to Loki's insults as they approach the building, but ultimately don't understand what all that vitriol means. This was partly because there was no way in hell I was writing an actual flyting, but also because I wanted to show off a bit of Loki's power over this space. It's his realm, after all.

(Fun fact: the descriptions of the mead hall and the forest from the previous scene were loosely based on the truly batshit amount of time I spent playing Valheim.)

This encounter with Loki was actually the first thing I wrote that took place in the Void - I think it was around the same time that I wrote the dream in chapter 3. I wanted to show that Loki is someone to be feared, someone who by his very nature is crafty and powerful and terrifying... and I also wanted to show why that doesn't make him evil by more directly stating his intentions. This is the scene where the Thieves actually get an answer to why Loki is helping them and Goro - because he cares about Goro.

Which sounds like a simple answer - of course the source of Goro's persona cares about him - but it's not. One of the things that trickster figures are known for is defying expectations. The expectation for a god living separate from humans in the Void would be that they don't have particularly strong feelings for them one way or another. We see this in the previous scene when the Thieves encounter Odin, who was once Akira's persona - he acknowledges that connection, but still plans to trick them.

From the moment Loki captured Goro and then gave Akira the Crow app, he was defying his place in the cycle. Loki cannot change his own fate, but he can change theirs - that's what a trickster does. Similarly, Akira also defies expectations when he tells Loki that he wants him to be himself - Loki, who is meant to be a shapeshifter, who is meant to bring destruction by his very nature, is being told that that's okay. After all, Akira loves Goro just the way he is. Why wouldn't he do the same for Loki?

Plus, I just really wanted to make Loki sexy as hell in this scene. I mean Look At Him.

Jörmungandr

His appearance is brief and not as important as others, but there two important bits to take away from this. One, that Akira continues to empathize with Loki and his children where the Thieves are still frightened (this is more just to keep on theme). And two, that Jörmungandr is free - he's not biting his own tail and encircling the world, another sign that Ragnarök has begun.

Fimbulwinter and Ragnarök

So obviously there's a lot going on here. I wasn't pulling directly from any story here, just the general themes: Fimbulwinter is the harsh and unforgiving winter that precedes Ragnarök and puts an end to all life on Earth. Ragnarök itself is then characterized by the great battle in which many of the Æsir die, after which the world burns and is then completely submerged underwater. Only then can the world rise again and the cycle can continue.

An interesting note: While the Thieves battle Ragnarök Loki, the form that Goro's shadow takes, they never actually enter the part of this realm that is Ragnarök. They remain in Fimbulwinter because that's where Goro was being held - because Loki had to keep him far enough in to be safe, but didn't want to put him in the place where Loki himself is doomed to repeat his own death over and over again. It's another example of Loki's strange brand of kindness.

I'm actually pretty happy with how Shadow Loki turned out. The idea that Goro had to face his own shadow was one I took from P4, which a friend was streaming for me and a few others at the time I was writing this. Of course, in P4 it's about accepting a part of yourself you don't want to acknowledge or come to terms with, and that's not really the case for Goro. I think he knows exactly who he is - he's told both Yusuke and Haru outright that he doesn't regret what he's done. For him, facing his shadow is about proving that isn't all that he is - that he is more than the smiling prince and the bloodied assassin and the unwanted child.

And of course, the reason his shadow takes the form of a sort of amalgamation of Loki and his own Black Mask outfit is because Loki is the source of all that. He's the one who gave Goro the power to kill, and Goro used that power without restraint. Goro stepped willingly into the same cycle of violence that Loki has always known, and in this scene, he's finally breaking free of it.

After the fight, we finally get Loki explaining to Goro in his own words why he's done all this. It's slightly different from what he told Akira in the mead hall - to Akira, he admits that he cares for Goro, whereas to Goro himself he says he wants Goro to live because "one of us should." Both answers are correct, but I think the second one is more true to how Loki sees himself and how he sees Goro. Loki is limited by his nature as a god to never change, to always be both an agent and victim of fate, but Goro isn't. And rather than attempt to change himself using the so-called "leeway" afforded to tricksters, Loki uses that power to give Goro the life he himself can never have.

And finally, we have the moment where Goro gives the treasure he took from his shadow to Loki. As Akira learns later in the epilogue, this is a hair pin that belonged to Goro's mother, which he would use to hold a blanket in place around his shoulders when he pretended to be a hero. That he would give such an item to Loki - something he lost years ago after his mother's death, something he will never see again in reality - and thank him for lending him the power to survive as long as he did is, I think, really telling of their connection to each other. In a way, it's almost a challenge, even a threat - Goro is telling Loki not to forget him and what they stood for, no matter how many times he repeats the cycle. He's taking his own stance on the idea that Loki can never change, and that stance is "Try harder then."

And maybe he can. Or maybe he can't. One of the things that I really wanted to explore in this fic is the idea of how a persona and its user overlap with the stories that persona comes from, and Loki and Goro are a great example of this. Two characters bound by fate, doomed to die by their respective narratives. Of course they found each other. And of course Goro would never be happy with the idea of a part of his soul being controlled by outside forces. Whether or not Loki can really change, though, is up to interpretation.

In Conclusion

idk I just think he's neat. Which one of them am I talking about? Yes. If you read all of that nonsense, you're my hero.

And just for fun...

I actually did write an entire move set for Ragnarök Loki, even though it was completely unnecessary. Figured I'd include it here for anyone wondering just how tough a fight that would be!

Ragnarök Loki (2 actions/turn)

Call of Chaos - Boost self's attack but drop defense for 3 turns. Laevateinn - Colossal Physical damage to 1 foe. Megidolaon - Severe Almighty damage to all foes. Concentrate - Multiply user’s next magical attack damage by 2.5. Sigyn’s Burden - Inflict Despair (high odds) to 1 foe. Hel’s Retribution - Decrease ATK/DEF/AGI for all foes for 3 turns. Jörmungandr’s Venom - Medium chance of instantly killing all foes. Fenrir’s Hunger - Heavy Nuclear damage to 1 foe. Medium chance to inflict Hunger. Fimbulwinter - Severe Ice damage to all foes. Ragnarök - Severe Fire damage to all foes and inflict Fear (high odds)

#wyab #a bts of writing I guess??#this is the silliest thing I've ever done but it was pretty fun actually #to be clear no one asked me to do this I'm just like this

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