#idk i'll try it again myself next time and see how it goes but i do not like the buzzcut

[boyfeminism]

buzzed my hair and i really do not like it which is a shame i havent disliked a haircut in like 3 years

[urfavfakeblonde]

can u write a smut where fem reader is a virgin and stiles is some what experienced and stiles goes slow with her??

ₛₜᵤdy ₛₑₛₛᵢₒₙ

hi!! yes <3 thank you so much for requesting love

Stiles Stilinski x fem!reader

warnings: lots of foreplay!! fuffly, fingering, HEAVY makeouts oml, game sex??? idk lol, p n v, virgin!fem!reader, implied!experineced!Stiles

mdni

I cautiously walk up the steps to his house, nervous fingers picking at my chipped nail polish. I take a deep breath as I knock on the door lightly, my other hand fiddling with the ends of my hair. It's just a study session, stop shaking. At least that's what I tell myself before the door opens softly, and I'm face to face with Stiles. He smiles at me, and I almost forget how to breath. "Hi," I say with a smile, eyes avoiding his gaze. He moves to the side to let me in, responding with a 'Hey'.

"Thanks for coming over," he says, closing the door gently. My mind is swirling with thoughts, emotions-- and honestly, I don't know how I'm going to get through this evening. "I'm pretty sure you understand English a lot more than I do," he remarks, turning around to face my timid figure. I smile, blush creeping onto my cheeks. "I don't know about that," I giggle, looking around the house as if I hadn't been here before. But before, I mean that was just a pack meeting, this--this is more than that.

Well, not really, were just studying, but this is the first time it's just been me and Stiles. Alone.

I follow him up the stairs, and into his bedroom. "Where's your dad?" I question, setting my bag down beside his bed. "Work," he replies, sitting at his desk, shoving aside all his crime papers. I nod, even though he can't see me, and look around his room. A simple grey wallpaper, the typical teenage boy posters; half-made bed, a lamp, and of course-- lots and lots of papers. Eventually, we sit on the floor, looking through my notes, (because stiles didn't take any) and write his English paper. "Okay, I'll quiz you. What's a Caesura?" Stiles thinks for a moment, staring up at the ceiling as he lies on his back. "When the punctuation is in the middle of the poem before the line ends?" He finally says, glancing up at me. I smile and nod, flipping to the next flashcard.

"Okay, what's a Syntax?" He looks back up at the ceiling and furrows his brows. "No clue," He utters, sitting upright. "It's the-" suddenly he takes the flashcards out of my hand as I give him a confused look. "I was gonna tell you what it was," I say, sighing. He looks at me, and I feel my heart flutter. Pink starts rising into my cheeks again as he holds the flashcard in front of him. "Tell me what it is," he asks. "Why? You're the one who needs the help Stiles-" he cuts me off by shushing my lips with his finger. My heart literally skips a beat as he slowly drags it down, my lip following obediently. He moves his finger back to the flashcard, an action that he believed to be nothing but innocent. He asked me something again, but I continued to stare at him, specifically his hand. "Y/n?" He asks, shifting his head to capture my eyes again. This stopped me from zoning out; quietly clearing my throat. "Sorry," I mumble while my fingers pick away my nail polish again. "What's a Syntax?" He asks again, eyes boring into mine. "The way the piece is structured," I say as he smiles. It's quiet for a moment, and when my eyes lift up, my gaze is locked with his.

"I have an idea," he says, standing up. He reaches his hand out for mine, and I take it hesitantly. "You've been helping me, it's only fair I help you." He says, pulling me to my feet. When I'm up, I notice how close I am to him, especially that he hasn't let go of my hand. I swallow hard, trying my best to maintain eye contact with him. "We'll play a game; you ask me questions and every time I get one right you have to take off one of your clothes," he whispers softly. My eyes widen, and I feel my heart starting to beat faster. "And if you get it wrong?" I whisper back, leaning in closer. He just smiles as he dips his head, connecting his lips with mine.

I cannot believe this is happening to me. I am fucking kissing Stiles Stilinski, my crush since elementary school and God does it feel just how I always imagined it would. The kiss is gentle, caring. I pull back slowly as I make eye contact with him again. I swallow hard and feel my hands start to shake a little in his soft hands. "Um, I've never really...kissed anyone before. Well, before now," I whisper, nervous beyond belief. He just smiles and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "See? You teach me, I'll teach you." He gives me a comforting smile before cupping his hand behind the base of my neck, pulling me in for another kiss. This time, it's more feverent, hurried. Like he was going to lose me if he stops. I learn as he kissed, opening my mouth enough for his tongue to slip in, a gentle hum coming from my throat.

My hands, more comfortable now, move up to dance through his dark hair, nails gently scratching his scalp. He was taller than me, causing my head to have to lean up just to kiss him, but it felt magical. I felt safe in his hold, rough, but gentle hands tilting my head up to meet his kiss. He pulled away enough to kiss down my jaw, down to my neck as my head tilts back with eyes closed. My fingers continue to dance through his hair, a soft whine releasing from my mouth when he found my sweet spot. I felt him smirk against my neck, mouth traveling back up to meet my mouth again. He moves me backwards, letting us fall softly on the mattress. He kissed back down my jaw again, but further this time as he reached my collarbone. He sucked a hickey on the side, causing my core to ache and clench around nothing. "fuck sti," I whine, letting my hands fall to his biceps. He liked the nickname--I could tell; a soft smile forming on his kissed lips as he rested above me.

"Ask away," he whispers, leaving sloppy, wet kisses all over my neck. In a way, it was all almost too overwhelming, but somehow it felt like it was supposed to happen. I couldn't focus, not with my core aching, legs moving softly as if to get some release. "What's a -fuck,-an enjambment," I ask, hands roaming his body. "Mhm," he kisses my collarbone again softly, lips trailing to my ear. "When the line ends with no punctation," he says, smirking as I nod. He lets his fingers dance under the hem of my shirt. He slowly peels it off, letting it slide over my head before throwing it on the floor somewhere behind him. He's quick to kiss my stomach, my body arching up into his gentle touch. "Next," he whispers, kissing the tops of my breasts. My breathing intensifies, hands running through his hair again. "How do you spell philanthropy," I ask, my teeth catching my lower lip. He looks up at me and grins, as he licks his lips. "If you wanted me to take my shirt off, all you had to do was ask," he chuckles, leveling his face above mine. "That's not how the game works, " I giggle, running hands down his arms. "I bet you don't even know how to spell that," he smiles, taking off his shirt.

The navy-blue cloths fall onto the floor with a quiet, thump as he repositions himself above me. "But you wouldn't know if I was right, would you?" I playfully ask, biting my lip. He chuckles softly, catching my lips in a kiss once again. My fingers trace his stomach, soft enough to make him shiver. "What's a metaphor?" I ask as he looks down at me. "A figure of speech when a word or phrase is applied to an object or action that has no real relation to the word," He answers proudly. This time, his fingers dance under the hem of my jeans, before his fingers undid the brass button and zipper. He helps me drag them down, before adding them to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. "Fuck," he whispers under his breath, eyes taking in the thin white panties that so effortlessly match with the bra. I bite my lip, trying to overcome my nerves. My body wants to close up, run away but I can't bring myself to do it. Not when he's looking at my body like he wants to fuck me till morning.

His fingers hover above the straps along my hips before lifting them up slowly before letting them snap back against my skin. I gasp, the wetness in my panties growing larger, it was almost embarrassing. "How do you spell rhythm?" I ask, a grin forming on my face. He rolls his eyes, kissing my stomach. "r-y-t-h-m-n," he answers, confident in his answer. I giggle and shake my head, "r-h-y-t-h-m-n," I say, watching as he sighs in defeat. He slips off his jeans, throwing them in the darkness somewhere. "Okay, I see how it is ms. I'magoodspeller," he says, messing with the straps of my bra. My face starts to flush, the realization that this answer could leave me bare in front of him.

"How do you spell Indispensable?" I stay silent. I have no fucking clue how to spell that word. Fuck. "I-n-d-i-s-p-e-n-s-i-b-l-e?" I answer. "Wait no, it's with an "a"! I-n-d-i-s-p-e-n-s-a-b-l-e!" I say quickly, trying to retract my previous answer. "You got it wrong the first time, no take backs," He chuckles, hands slowly lifting down the straps to my bra before reaching behind my back to unclasp it. It lays limp until he slides it off my arms; perky nipples on display as goosebumps litter my body. He lets his eyes linger for a moment, admiring the sight before him. "Fuck you're pretty," he whispers, his rough hand moving up to massage the soft flesh. I bite my lip, watching as he leans down, pausing for a moment before taking the bud into his mouth. "Oh shit," I whine, my hands returning into his dark hair once again-this time pulling and tugging. He swirls his tongue around before sucking it gently to let it go with a soft pop! He kisses between my breasts, taking the other bud into his mouth to give it the same attention.

My body arched up into him, my clothed clit brushing against his hard erection in his boxers. "Please Stiles..." I whine, my core pulsing at the lack of attention. "I know, I know," he whispers, sucking onto that sweet spot once again. His hand finally travels lower, antagonizingly slow I might add, as he slips his fingers over my white, lacy panties. He begins to rub small circles over my clit, kissing my neck, jaw and chest as I arch into his touch. He brings his lips back up to mine, accepting my moans as he fastens his pace. My legs wrap around his torso, my aching and empty hole begging to be fucked for the first time. "Sti-I, fuck, please-" I whimper, head thrown back in ecstasy. God if he can do this with just his fingers-no his hand, then fuck. The wet patch in my panties begins to grow, fingers rubbing fast and small circles around my bud. "please, please, please...fuck sti!" I moan, hips moving back and forth to fasten the rhythm of his hand.

Suddenly, he slips his fingers into my panties, letting a digit slip into my sopping hole. I moan loudly into his mouth as he kisses me, letting another digit in to fuck me softly. My body starts to shake from the overwhelming feeling, the band breaking as he curls his fingers into my G-spot. My mouth opens as a loud moan escapes me, body shaking as he slips his tongue into my mouth, fingers riding out my high. "That's it, I've got you," he coo's, kissing my neck as my body settles down the shaking. I close my eyes, sweaty body breathing heavily against his chest. I feel him slip my panties off, throwing them in the pile of jeans and shirts. "You okay?" He asks, caressing my face softly. I nod, licking my lips. "I want more," I whisper. "Please." He smiles at my question throwing off his boxers. "Whatever you want," he answers, kissing my cheek. He leans over to his drawer, grabbing a condom as he slides it over his length. He leans down to kiss me as he moves his hands under my legs, bending them forward as he pushes into me. I let a satisfied whine out into his mouth, the feeling of him inside me already feeling so good. He kisses me deeply, letting his tongue explore my mouth. He starts slow, letting his forehead connect with mine, heavy breaths coming from our mouths.

"Fuck you're amazing," he groans, pushing out slow before bottoming out quickly. This let moans come as they will, back arching off the bed, and the steady shaking from my legs to make it all feel so lifechanging. It didn't take long before I felt the cord in me about to break again, my hands cupping his neck as I moaned out soft praises. "Sti-" I whine, met with a groan from his lips. "Fuck, I know, me too-" he says, fastening his pace. My legs began to shake once again, breathing becoming heavier than before. "Fuck, please Sti-oh shit," I moan, hips meeting his thrusts. The cord finally snapped, body arching up off the bed as Stiles kisses my neck again. "Fuck," he groans, pulling out quickly to release in the condom. He lays next to me, tracing my stomach softly. "Are you okay?" He whispers, sitting up. I nod and smile, glancing at him. He smiles back, going to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and return with a wet rag. He drags it across my body, soaking up the sweat and spit from his kisses. "You wanna stay the night?" I nod as he leans down to kiss me.

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in:

July 2nd, 2024 🎀

Hello! I'm backkkkk! Now that I'm finally doing stuff again, I figured I'd start my daily check ins again and keep myself motivated and accountable with doing productive stuff daily! no challenges, no pressure, just an understanding that something is better than nothing!

🩷 What I Accomplished:

took a 2.5 hour nap in the morning (had an anxiety attack randomly that left ne absolutely exhausted but the nap was so nice)

reviewed a few Spanish lessons on Busuu

completed 2 new Spanish lessons on Busuu

completed 2 Korean Hangul lessons on Busuu

booked an Italki Spanish lesson for July 15th

booked an Italki trial lesson in Korean for July 24th (pushing myself to learn the alphabet and study as much as possible til then so I won't be an absolute absolute beginner, hopefully)

reached out to a tattoo/piercing shop about some piercings my friends and I want to maybe get while in Colorado

bought a margarita pizza from a little Italian pizza shop and it was DELICIOUS

journaled in the morning

did my night time skincare (I needed it, my face was dry and flaky)

drank ~40oz of water (definitely should've drank more)

reached out to an online health and fitness coach, so we'll see how that goes, if it goes anywhere

💔 What Could've Gone Better:

random anxiety attack stopped me from going to workout so I stayed in bed most of the day, exhausted

didn't get many steps in or do much in general

ate 4 out of the 6 slices of pizza (it was comforting, idk. it happens, so I won't beat myself up. saved those 2 slices for my roommates if she wants them!)

could've definitely spent less time on tiktok and more time studying the languages I'm trying to learn

might even broken my middle toe on my left foot after slamming it into the side of a bottom drawer that I didn't know was open

💗 Stuff For Tomorrow (July 3rd)

make all necessary payments (rent, new apartment, credit cards, etc)

study Spanish a bit (~1 hour or more)

study Korean Hangul a decent amount (~1 hour, or more, preferably)

try to workout or at least keep my steps up

do laundry

wash our towels (housekeeping here in seriously not the best)

find somewhere to buy Tylenol and tape for my (most likely) broken toe

try not to spend too much money eating out today, since I got paid

do not forget to take my medications!

morning journaling and night journaling

doing my skincare in the morning and at night

keeping up with my hygiene in general, like brushing teeth, shower exfoliation, Shaving, etc (kinds like having a self care maintenance day)

💕 Song of The Day: Girls Never Die - tripleS

this is my favorite song to listen to on the bus home from work at the moment

not much left to say, but today will definitely be a good day for me! I'll make sure of it

til next time lovelies 🩷

[runningfrom2am]

on the one screen in my town; two

summary:

mason’s life with drew was absolutely perfect, she was happier than ever; until everything came crashing down all at once.

tags/warnings:

drew starkey x fem!popstar!oc, drug and alcohol use, death, grief, these tags are not exhaustive, idk i'll add to this as it goes on.

wc: 2k

an: okay so in this chapter some shit goes down so mind the tags please!!! anyway love y'all

Mason smiles at her fiancé who's standing just behind the camera and the interviewing team in front of her, originally scheduled to discuss her upcoming album which is meant to accompany the next and final season of Outer Banks. Unsurprisingly to an unimpressed Este at Drew's side, they're mostly asking about the show and the upcoming wedding, which happens to be scheduled three months away to the date.

"I thought they were meant to talk about her album." She mutters to her friend, who just nods slightly in response, looking a little disappointed as well with the next question.

"Rumour has it as well that you'll be reprising your role as Sofia for the final season, is that true?" The interviewer asks her, Mason staring at him intently the whole time. She's known for her kindness by everyone in the industry and of course her fans, in a similar way that Drew is.

"I can't really talk about that, unfortunately, but seeing as she didn't die at the end of the last season and Sofia and Rafe haven't had any kind of falling out, I can't see why she wouldn't be back for the last season. That being said, I'm only really permitted to discuss my upcoming album today, unfortunately." Mason answers gracefully, nodding and crossing her legs.

"Not even the wedding?" The interviewer laughs slightly, tilting his head at her.

Mason glances briefly at Drew, before returning her attention to the interviewer. "Well, that depends on what you want to know." She chuckles awkwardly.

"Everything! It's set to be the wedding of the decade- with all the planning you're doing, could you see that becoming an accurate statement?"

"Oh gosh, well, I doubt that. There's bound to be another royal wedding or something, maybe Taylor Swift or Kylie Jenner will get married in the next four years so I truly doubt it." She laughs, shaking her head.

"Oh come on, you don't have to be modest. There's a lot of people working on putting everything together."

Mason nods at this. "Yes! We have so much support and it has been a life saver for us, we appreciate every minute of time that people are taking out of their own day-to-day lives to help us put everything together. To make our dream come to life, I suppose." Her cheeks are flushed now as she speaks, trying to avoid looking in her fiancé's direction- forbid her turning even more red.

"How do you find the time for music when you're working so hard on wedding planning?"

"It's a passion of mine, of course. It's something that's a vessel for me to relax and reconnect with myself and how I'm feeling, which is really important to me as an artist but it also gives me an important outlet to-" As Mason is answering, Drew and Este share a satisfied smile, pleased that they're finally on topic.

Just then Mason's phone starts vibrating in Drew's pocket, and he pulls it out quickly to dismiss the incoming call from her father. He quickly calls back. Again, and again.

"Hey, so sorry, her dad is really trying to get a hold of her. Can she quickly take a call?" Drew whispers to a member of the crew standing nearby, showing them the phone. They nod quickly, getting the interviewers attention and calling for a cut just before Mason finishes talking about her creative process.

"Here, Love, your dad is calling you. I think you should take it." Drew says, quickly approaching her and passing her the phone. She nods, hitting answer and standing up to step out, holding her phone to her ear.

"Hey, dad. How's it going?" She asks as she steps out into the hall, genuine confusion crossing her tone. He knew she was doing this important press interview today, and usually her parents wouldn't reach out until they knew she was done.

"Mason, honey, I-" Her dad chokes out into the phone after a moment.

"Dad, hey, what's wrong?" She frowns, peeking through the slightly open door to make sure no one was listening before closing it.

"Your mom... I- I'm sorry, you need to come home. She-" He sighs shakily, a pit already forming in the singers stomach. "She's passed, honey."

There's a silence on the line, as Mason shakes her head, bringing a trembling hand up to her mouth. "No.. No that's not- I talked to her this morning." She says, instantly not believing it. Her dad wouldn't lie to her, though, especially not make some kind of sick joke like this.

"I-I know, I know. I just- can you please come home? Please?" He says shakily as Mason's knees give out beneath her and suddenly she's kneeling on the floor, her body wracked with sobs.

Neither of them say a word for what must be a minute, both of them just crying into the phone and wishing this news wasn't true.

"I'll be home tonight- okay?" Mason says, furiously wiping at her eyes. "I'll fly home as soon as I can." She's still shaking, and she can hardly speak above a whisper.

"Okay... yeah. Call me later and I'll see you tonight." Her dad agrees, managing to regain some composure.

Mason just hangs up the phone, leaning against the wall and letting herself process the news for a minute. Her mom has been her best friend and number one fan forever- she couldn't begin to imagine a life without her in it. A wedding without her there, or a moment going by without the comfort of knowing she can call or text her at anytime, even though they are rarely in the same city these days.

It takes a minute, but on shaky hands and with shaky legs, Mason gets herself up. Does she have to finish the interview? She has to go back into the studio and tell someone. Drew? Este? Or keep it professional and tell a crew member that they will have to reschedule? She can't even consider professionalism in this moment. She quickly wipes away the smudged makeup under her eyes and takes a deep breath before opening the door again, stepping back into the studio and squinting at the lights.

"I-" She starts to speak to anyone who will listen, but hardly any sound comes out. Her eyes land on Drew and Este chatting in the middle of the room who both looked over to her at the same time. The second they noticed her the tears start flowing again, and they hardly get to her before her weak knees are hitting the ground again, Drew quickly catching her and kneeling in front of her.

"Hey! Everyone out- give her some privacy." Este is calling out, standing in front of her friends with her arms out, trying to keep people from looking while she frantically looks down at the couple over her shoulder as everyone shuffled out in a panic.

"Love? What's happened?" Drew asks her, arms wrapped firmly around his fiancé as she now hysterically sobs into his chest.

Mason can't even get a word out, practically choking every time she opens her mouth while Este deals with trying to make sure everyone leaves. The remaining few have good intentions, just wanting to help, but the presence of strangers can only make the news of a loved ones death so much worse. "My- my mom..." She stutters out, returning quickly to sobs.

Drew and Este understand immediately, sharing a quick look of shock and upset before Drew hugs her impossibly tighter, rubbing her back. "Oh, oh god..." He says softly, unsure of what to say. His heart is breaking along with her, he loves Catherine. They had become quite close over the last few years, and the pit in his stomach is the only thing reminding him that this is true, not some cruel joke. Somehow in the mess of things ending up with his arms around both Mason and Este as they cling onto each other. "I'm so sorry." He doesn't know what to say. "I'm so sorry, Love, you're okay..."

Completely shocked, Drew let's them go after a minute or two, insisting he'll be right back, he's not going anywhere, as he gets up and pulls out his phone with shaky hands, calling Mason's manager.

"Hey- hi, It's Drew." He says as soon as she answers the phone, not giving her a chance to get a word in before he continues. "We need to get Mason home, like, asap, we need three flights to uh, LA, we have to get there tonight." He explains, wiping his eyes and looking over at where Mason and Este are still curled up on the floor. They've been friends since they were young, he knows this is a hard hit on Este as well.

"Drew, what's happened? I'll have to reschedule some-" She asks and he interrupts her again.

"Reschedule everything. Maybe cancel it, I don't care. Can you get us back to LA tonight? It has to be private. Everything." He insists.

"Yes, yeah. Of course, but tell me what's going on."

"I-" Drew let's out a shaky breath. "Something happened to Catherine, Miles just called." He says quietly, quickly wiping his eyes again before tears even got the chance to fall. He needs to be strong, he needs to be the one to keep it together to get the girls home.

"Oh.. oh dear. Okay. I'll handle everything. I'm so sorry." She says, shocked by this news as well. "Just get to JFK as soon as possible, I'll get a plane for you there."

"Thank you." Drew nods, quickly hanging up and returning to the girls side, crouching down in front of them.

Mason let's go of her friend and reaches out for him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and crying into his shoulder. They've been through highs and lows together, but nothing like this. Never something like this. "Mason, Love..." He's rubbing her back, trying gently to talk to her. "Let's get you home, yeah? Can we walk together?" He asks and she quickly pulls away from him, nodding and wiping her face- makeup be damned. She has to get it together, just enough to get home. Just enough to make it home without the whole world seeing.

She can't speak, she knows that, but as Este gets up, she holds onto her arm and onto Drew as they pull her up. "Here, take this-" He grabs a left behind cardigan off a nearby chair, wrapping it around her shoulders and adjusting it as best as he can. He gently places his hands on her cheeks, sighing as he looks her over. "My Love..." He whispers, trying to comfort her but not knowing what to say. She just shakes her head, wrapping her arms around him again and pulling him close.

"I just- I have to get my kit, then I'll meet you guys downstairs." Este sniffles, standing up straight and wiping off her leather pants, which are now an iconic look for her.

"You'll be okay?" Drew asks her, still holding tight onto his fiancé.

"Yep. Yep, I'm good." Este nods, wiping under her eyes and placing a hand on her best friends back, leaning in to speak to her. "I'm not going anywhere, I'll meet you in the car, okay?"

Mason just nods into Drew's shoulder, focussing on breathing, but it's so hard when the only thing she can think about is her mom, her dad back home, alone, and clinging onto Drew for dear life.

Collectively, they compose themselves enough to make it to their car outside, Drew giving a quick apology to the interviewing team on the way out, most of whom are staring at them with sympathy- others with an eye roll over the inconvenience.

Cameras are flashing at them, but Mason has her head down, hood almost fully covering her face as they step inside. It was out of character for both of them to not stop and talk to fans or answer questions, so Drew already knew rumours would be flying. That's a problem they would deal with later.

Este is quick to join them, settling for throwing her kit over the back seat and into the trunk as they drive away. Mason stares down at her lap, gripping tightly onto the side of Drew's shirt, rubbing the material between her fingers as he squeezes her tight with an arm over her shoulders.

taglist:@veescorneroftheworld, @totalswag, @madelynie, @cecesrings, @slut4drudy, @mutual-mendes, @winterrrnight, @sadfury, @h34rtsformilli, @maybankslover, (lmk if you want to be added!!)

[memberment]

Good evening

Guys I just got home from work and proofread everything I needed to including this next Dandelion chapter and I'm trying so hard not to just fucking SOB over it.

I hate it here I want out LMFAOOOOOOO THIS IS SO SAD WHY DID I WRITE THIS FR

10:59 update......

I'm thinking about an absolutely diabolical twist for the Trin series(it doesn't actually change the story in any way, if anything it actually makes it make so much more sense). Like, I've been ruminating on it since last night but idk if it's gonna throw people off. But at the same time like part twos and threes never do as good anyways so do I really even care?? Like, I'm just out here telling stories in fanfic font bc I would rather throw myself in the street than make OCs and not share my fun little stories.

I think I may commit to it.

I don't wanna say it on here though bc it's one of those plot twists you get will not forget even though part three is like FOREVER out.

The more I think about it the more I wanna do it. Someone tell me I should do it.

Oh my god I am shutting up and finishing reading Dandelion, y'all will hear my virtual screams in approximately one and a half business hours.

(11:43) I'm actually fucking sobbing and I didn't even start the last few chapters. Like, I'm actually crying over this. It's not funny.

(12:00) Never by mag lo coming on while I'm finishing up reading this is not funny. I'm devastated. I hope you all hate me after this oh my god I feel like I just ruined my own life. WHY IS IT SO MUCH WORSE AFTER BEING DONE WITH THIS FIC FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS. Jesus Christ. Yeah. No more angst from me for a long while. I'm banned.

(12:20) Me skimming through tags on fics debating if I want to pick up something new. Everything being totally normal. Suh happy. Trying not to stew in my own misery. And then I see such a vile tag my stomach twists and now I'm just like okay I'll go fuck myself I guess I'll go write or do my homework. I'm sorry, I adore ao3 and I'm never gonna be a hater, BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE WILD. LIKE I AM TALKING SO BAD I'M ACTUALLY CONSIDERING DOING MY HOMEWORK OVER THAT. LIKE I ACTUALLY JUST WIPED THE TEARS OFF MY FACE AND GOT OVER HOW SAD I WAS BECAUSE OF HOW GENUINELY SHOCKED I WAS. Like wow oh wow.

Anyways. Updates here if there's gonna be any. Also Dandelions up if anyones reading this LMAO

It's 1:40 in the morning and the beginning of Morning Glory is making me fucking unwell. I was not joking when I made that joke about like ten dreaded weeks of angst, Jesus Christ.

(2:12) This is my second time posting this exact part. Like I know I've posted this exact part. But I seriously love Christophe and all of his dialogue with my whole heart.

(4:31) I do not recall making Dova this tragic and I'm literally about to sob over him. LIKE WHY???? WHY DID I DO THAT??? WHY ARE HIS LITTLE SUBTLE BITS OF STORYLINE SO ACTUALLY PAINFUL AS THE STORY GOES ON????? (I am allergic to happiness I am my own canon event at this point)

(4:48) THE ABSOLUTE DEVASTATION THAT COMES WITH WANTING MORE STORY BUT IT SIMPLY NOT EXISTING BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT IS DEVASTATING.

(5:02) Welp. I'm ruined and am now compelled by god to start working on Morning Glory again. We're at 73k rn. And only two chapters that aren't the prologue are under 4k. That's fucking terrifying. Like I have 17 minus the prologue rn. WE ARE LITERALLY THREE CHAPTERS AWAY FROM THE FOURTH OF JULY. THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ANOTHER 16/17 OF SUMMER ALONE. AND THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AT LEAST ANOTHER 14 AFTER THAT. LIKE THE 14 ARE THE PLANNED SPECIFIC EVENT CHAPTERS. BRUH. WHY DID I DO THIS????

regret.

regret is all I feel.

but I will push through.

(7:38) before I go to bed I will just say I am at 75.3k. I had no idea how I would even get close to 4k on a birthday chapter where the group effectively decided to just stay home and hang out. But now there is like 1.5k of them playing muffin time. It's wild. I love it. GOOD NIGHT.

[russellius]

anyway i know i've never properly explained what happened on thursday so... here we go??????

was super fortunate to stand where i did, i literally walked to the side from my previous spot like, minutes before he came out to the front of the hotel. so i'm just standing there on the street, contemplating going back to my place because george arrived back at the hotel, and used the side entrance. so i'm like. cool, we missed that, anyway... then a couple minutes later there's massive screaming coming from the front of hotel, and it's george of course, so i'm like, awh, what the fuck..... obviously i weaved my way into the crowd a bit, and got my little stupid sign and the book out! was super lucky to have walked to the side, as the merc cars were on the left side, and my previous spot in the middle would have been shit. so anyway, he looked into our direction for a sec, and everyone is immediately like "george!!!" and that was when he spotted the sign and pointed at me! and then that was it, and i'm like awh, come onnnnn, it's for you! (not sure he could even read the sign, idk, probably just saw his name and he was like oh? hi??!!!) so anyway, he's painting that car, my heart is quite literally trying to break my ribs or something and i'm :( and :). then, picasso finishes his masterpiece and it's free cap time. obviously he goes to the right side of the hotel first, and i'm :( again. professional cap thrower gr does his best to throw the caps out to the crowd. even jumps on the cars' platform to make a better throw. he's super jumpy, and long, and endearing. then! jumps off the platform and!!!!!!! :) does his usual jog to us to fucking HAND a cap to the idiot with the sign. i'm in the 2nd row probably, i have a good couple of people in front of me, but thanks dad for the only good genes you gave me, i was massively helped out here by my height and my long ass arms. so he tries handing the cap to me right ("here you go") and obviously everyone is trying to grab it, and i'm like nooo and he's like "NO" and fucking makes sure that it's in my hand. ends with a little "thank you", and before i can react at all, he's already moving on and giving out the next cap, and i'm like !!!!! WAIT NO, THE BOOK!!!!!!!!

but it stays in my hand, with the sign and the cap, while my phone is in my right hand, still recording, facing the side of course...

so at this point i'm like. what the fuck has just happened, what the hell is going on, i can barely think and breathe at all-

so i sit down in the park, i'm having a mini heart attack, and i inform everyone of my adventures. i don't know how long i have sat there, but i was like. dead dead. so after i've collected myself i start walking back to the hostel, and then my mom is calling me, because she refuses to text. obviously i tell her everything too, and anyway as i'm sitting on this random bench, talking, gwen walks down with like 2 other people in front of me. and i'm like mom, hold on a sec what the f-, so i jump up, i catch up to him and i try being as polite as i can while i'm having the 6213rd heart attack of the day. so i tell him that i made this book for george, but i couldn't give it to him earlier when he gave me the cap yada yada, can he please give it to him? and he's like. super nice, at the mention of george he's smiling and he's like, sure, opens the book for a sec and asks "just give it to him?" i tell him that of course, i made it for him, it's just for him, i don't need it back etc. then he says that now he's having dinner with some friends, but he's seeing george tomorrow (friday), so he'll give it to him then. i thank him, and ask him to please thank george for the cap and uhm... yeah. that was thursday in a nutshell, i guess. :]

//// i'll say that i was quite literally too stunned to use my brain, like, i think my pulse hit a record high, my hands were shaking etc but here are some things i can recall: he's tall. long. so long. hair fluffier than you could imagine. and a super calming brown. skin clear and moisturized, crops watered. eyes bigger than the universe. and he is so jumpy. every limb of his is just !!!!! moving moving moving. so expressive. both his face and his body language. and like. you know how great he looks in photos? yeah? ok, now triple that. like. jesus fucking. christ......

and anyway i died. and finally, yesterday i allowed myself a lil cry! :)

[cruscribbles]

okay so, there are a few brainrot ideas of a jjk × hp crossover that are currently occupying my head so i'll just dump right here before i forget (just in case i either want to actually write this myself or if someone wants to write it— please go ahead!)

for now, these are all gojo-centric because he's a little shit and i love him for it <33

[ p. s. as you can see, i am too lazy and demotivated to cook my own food /hj ]

1. gojo (ends up in the hp world and) goes to hogwarts :

a. as a student - okay, this is probably going to be a bit hard to pull off, considering the man is literally almost 30, but hear me out

i could see him in either the hp generation or the marauders generation (but mostly the former)

could be an age regression thing where he gets bombarded with a curse that propels him into the hp world and for some reason he's back to his younger self (child or teen, who knows, just as long as he's around the same age as the protagonists of that era)

or maybe an exchange student program (au where jjk sorcerers and hp wizards both coexist in the same world) so maybe when he's 15-16 he's a "spy" trying to learn things from the wizard side of things?

clashes heads with harry AND draco from time to time; harry because of their different morals and draco because he probably pokes fun at him

come to think of it, who WOULDN'T gojo beef with actually

the student teachers think is gonna fail because he looks so uncaring and aloof and then proceeds to be one of (if not) the top scorers on the board

probably bothers snape constantly in his office (and probably also gets detention from time to time for being so annoying to him)

minerva also being irritated on the outside but also heartwrench on the inside because he lowkey reminds her of the old marauders in a way

every time he comes across voldemort face-to-face, he will not hesitate to make fun of him (like he did with jogo)

gojo : haha you're such a loser. voldemort? really? that's your name? you couldn't have picked anything better? *freaking fortnite dances or some shit like that*

voldemort officially has an extra child added to his hitlist after that

b. as a teacher - some of the earlier points of him as a student also apply here, except he's obviously more mature and wise in this instance

possible mentor of harry? like i said, would bond over being the chosen ones

the teacher that is either well-loved or hated (both teachers and students alike)

always the one popping in and out of the faculty with new tea and gossip to dish out

tries to hold back a little bit on the hogwarts students because they're not his students but is still absolutely relentless to them (displaying powerful demonstrations and also teasing them a bunch)

mcgonagall and snape being his favorite staff members because they remind him of utahime and nanami (idk would be close in personality to shoko tbh, then again she has the same type of dead air energy as snape but feel free to correct me woohoo)

ironically probably beefs with albus bc they are kind of similar in a sense but idk hmmm (they could also have some tea on the weekends too)

gojo : i once had a person i loved dearly that turned out to be heavily racist towards the normal human race for something they can't help and we had a messy breakup to boot

albus :

2. gojo is reincarnated as/ends up in the body of harry potter - not gonna lie, i'm more of a fan of this idea because you could do so much with this + it would be funny as HELL

harry grows up "cocky" and "prideful" (obviously still with some trauma and kindness attached because it's gojo) and correlates to the next points :

dumbledore thinking that since the boy grew up in a muggle household that he'll learn to be humble and sweet and lo and behold, he was wrong

snape getting vivid flashbacks of james from gojo!harry because of how cocky he is (gojo doing this unintentionally by being his authentic self)

even better if gojo!harry ends up in slytherin LMAO

dumbledore also getting flashbacks but of a different person : he doesn't want another tom riddle to happen (esp if gojo!harry vocalizes his want to change the world) so he keeps a very watchful eye on him

from the earlier point : gojo!harry not missing a fucking beat trying to make fun of tom "tommy boy, voldymoldy the oldie" riddle every time they meet (and not hesitating to name drop him in almost every conversation out of spite)

okay obviously he'll have some form of self-control over it but i have a feeling he'll do it just to test him and his patience

i feel like he would be SO CLOSE to triggering the underage magic alarm (or maybe he does and that's a drama for a whole chapter)

i feel like he would absolutely have a habit of disappearing and reappearing (even without magic) and he does that alot at the dursleys (especially when he's older)

gojo realizing he could talk to snakes, and he gossips to them whenever he can

moreover, it would be interesting if he sometimes has conversations with the horcrux inside his forehead (back-to-back mockery)

gojo knows somewhat quickly maybe because the signature is likely the same as sukuna in yuji's body

a really crack idea where gojo solves (one of) the horcrux problems by just hollow purpling the darn thing (wouldn't push it pass him to do it in the battle in the ministry of magic tbh)

either never gets fooled by the quidditch cup or immediately rectifies it by being able to teleport back (a good idea for a crack fic, but maybe for a more serious one he could either be serious or really dazed/overstimulated from the previous events to even think of doing so)

3. gojo ends up in the same body as harry potter and acts as a co-resident — ngl i am warming up to this VERY idea because i know it would become HELLA chaotic

i composed the original draft of this post ages ago but what gave me this idea is this amazing jjk!/bnha crossover fic titled "a hero without limits" by anonymous567 (if you haven't already, please read it because it's absolutely AMAZING)

idk how this would happen considering the shard of voldemort in harry's head (third participant forced to watch maybe) but shhh

basically gojo popping in harry's head either from the start or a from an event that happens to him later on (like the inspo)

he also makes commentary from time to time in his head and harry's like "shut uppp" — and sometimes people look at him and go "yo what's up with him""boy who lived shenanigans maybe"

it sounds stupid but i like the idea of gojo manifesting either on harry's body like sukuna or his image and his spirit manifesting on reflective surfaces like mirrors (his friends going "WHO'S THAT" while they point at the mysterious man in the mirror)

harry's magic "retaliating" and defending him when he's near death which is just a shadowy, smokey manifestation of gojo with the brightest most piercing lights as his eyes

very curious about the chamber of secrets section bc now harry probably doesn't even have look at the darn thing ("don't worry harry, sensei's got it covered!" or smth like that idk)

harry automatically deciphering the sussiness of almost every sus character because, like i said, live gojo commentary (probably would have solved the pettigrew problem faster tbh)

any adult that was around during the marauder's era straight up being reminded of james from time to time, especially the times when gojo is in control

i can imagine gojo knowing the jig is up with the horcrux in harry's head, and maybe as part of a crack idea, "seals the soul" from time to time which is the magical equivalent of taping the webcam lens with a piece of paper

gojo and the hat duking it out with rebuttals during the sorting ceremony and harry slowly going insane because of it

commentary of the black family being similar to the zenin's in influence, attitude and power (feel free to correct me); in short, gojo noting down funny coincidences and similarities to his old world

anytime someone tries to use legillimens on harry, gojo goes "uh uh uh *wags fingers*" and promptly kicks them out, promptly leaving the caster confused (gojo being harry's built in occlumency security guard <333)

idk if i want him to still have six eyes and/or limitless when he's reincarnated as harry (because it doesn't feel like gojo without them, but also he'd be so op— then again he already is by default so why not)

i think i would keep them since they're both the core ability aspects of his character but obviously in this instance, he doesn't have the hang of six eyes yet (major sensory overload as a drawback if he doesn't cover his eyes with a blindfold or a pair of dark sunglasses) and he doesn't unlock limitless until he's a teen (maybe during the gof or ootp plotline)

either way, i'm sorry if this plotline is too ooc, and please pitch in your own ideas in the comments or if you want to correct me!!

+ a little sketch of #3 because i've grown really attached to the idea JENDJEJDJ

[coff-in]

I feel like whenever I’m having a bad day (or in this case, few months), I see other people have bad days too. It’s crazy how the world works and we all unite together to have either crappy or happy moments; it’s kind of wholesome that we all are brought together through our experiences and can share those vulnerabilities. It makes me feel a little better knowing I’m not isolated or alone, and that I’m not the only person with problems or struggling to get by.

I saw your last post, you said to ask about pressure, so I’m asking: How do you deal with pressure?

This is what I do when I feel stressed (maybe you’ll find some relief in this too): It’s a rule for me to always cry when something goes wrong, because crying released happy chemicals!

If I’m still bothered, I sleep for a few hours, take a Power Nap or just sleep and see if it still bothers me. If it still bothers me, I eat strawberry mochi. I also like coloring in those coloring books with flowers and a inspiring quote, it makes me feel better. When I’m sad, I always put on some Lo-fi or old love songs.

I always try reading Andrew Graves x reader content—or, at least what I haven’t seen. It’s a small fan base for separate Andrew Graves content. It’s how I discovered you a few months ago too! I enjoy looking for your work on my dashboard and I’m excited to see what you do next.

I hope thing’s get better for you, Coff-in! Never be ashamed or feel guilty about your own feelings or mental health. Don’t worry about time or rushing things, rushed work is never good work. Always remember to take breaks and worry about yourself; it’s your life after all. From one human being to another, take care of yourself. 💜⭐️

hi stellar :D when i asked ppl to send me questions about pressure, i meant the roblox game pressure ^^; this is ok tho!! no harm no fowl! (or is it foul? fowl is a bird, huh)

when i get stressed i usually get take a nap, maybe eat something, or watch youtube to distract myself. crying sounds really nice but i can't cry easily, sadly :( i also just try to draw! i like drawing and i find it easy to just pick up a pencil and doodle something :3 i also do it when i'm bored

its a tad bit hard for me to realize that "oh this blog is my blog, i can do with it what i want". or maybe i do realize that but still feel like i can't do certain things. hm. hm hm hm. so neat, such whimsy :3 i also relate to you seeking out andrew graves x reader content, but recently for me i've been searching out sebastian solace x reader fics. idk if people know this but im mostly a selfshipper, so seeing the whole zerum drama happen in that fandom is like... idk kinda silly to me. tldr: people were mad that the co-creator of the game (zerum) shipped her oc (zerum) with the shopkeeper sebastian. there's obviously more to it than that, but it reminded me when i was younger and i made a boyfriend oc for my persona (who i also sometimes wrote/referred to him as her brother... huh)

i'm going to be busy with work again, so hopefully i'll be able to write more since i usually start writing when i'm trying to avoid work or just to get away from it ^^; i hope that you're still doing well despite these hard months! i think it's a bit too easy for some to cur inward and isolate themselves from others. it was kinda nice being away from my coff-in blog. i do not say this as in 'i want to leave', but it was nice to just... idk feel like i didn't have to write? or take my time. i felt kinda bad tho, like there was a lingering thought in my head that i was deceiving you all. i was still able to write, so why wasn't i writing? stuff like that i guess

thank you for sending your ask, please take care of yourself!! <3

[r3dblccd]

GETTING TO KNOW YOU !

respond to the following prompts. include as much or as little as you want; you don't have to answer them all !

tagged by: @rainyearning

tagging: @luneblush, @moonpierces, @formorethananame, @weedzkiller, @dozenrozez, @wcvensouls, @honeycoded, @cherridream, @caelcstis, @blondiexbiites

name / alias. Rose

birthday. 12 February

zodiac sign. Aquarius

height. 150 cm (as mentioned sometimes before, I bite ankles)

hobbies. Listening to music, reading, writing, drawing, journaling, dancing, biting ankles, having existential crisis

favorite color. Red

favorite book. It's so hard to pick though! I'd say maybe the Rat trilogy by Haruki Murakami

last show. I honestly don't remember. I think it was the short series Choco Milk Shake. Idk what I'm gonna watch next, there are so many I still have to catch up on like WWDITS, My Beautiful Man, Our Flag Mean Death, Good Omens, Yellowjackets, Alice in Borderland, and now Sweet Home season 2.

sources of inspiration. I draw inspiration and ideas from various sources, be it movies, tv series, books, webtoons, video games, music, what have you.

story behind url. It's taken from the bridge of Enhypen's Given-Taken. Most of you all probably probably already know, but I just love vampires and everything magical and supernatural and wonderful and terrifying. And it just made sense with the majority of the muses that I have for the url to be this.

recent read. I moved this here for last so you can skip reading me ramble if you want. (I tell you, it's long, don't say I didn't warn you)

There have been so many things I've read in the past few months for my classic literature discipline in uni, mainly classic Greek literature and theatre, we've only recently dived in early roman literature and works from the Western European Middle Ages, our professor is kicking our asses off, but honestly these are one of my favourite classes out of the whole semester. But anyway, I actually just now finished reading The Romance of Tristan and Iseult by Joseph Bedier. Not bad, I must say. It has never been really my cup of tea to read romance stories, but at least it was much more interesting to read that than to read The Golden Ass (that one wasn't bad either, if we overlook some parts of it, yeah, I admit, but it was so unnecessary long in my opinion, I was literally falling asleep while reading it). If I had to pick which of the works I've read so far is my favourite, I'd have to say I really liked the tragedy Medea by Euripides (our professor once told us a story how she watched it being played out for the only time at the theatre in the city that we call our cultural center and how suddenly it started to rain and there was a thunder during the monologue of Medea and how it felt like nature was out there for the heroine and as if it was listening to her and answering her word, and the actress just kept playing her role in the water and when she was done, the rain suddenly stopped as if on cue and the sky was suddenly as clear as day again, and damn, I wish I was there to see it myself, I don't even care if I got drenched, I got chills just listening to that story. That was basically a once in a lifetime experience. But ANYWAY! The story itself is great, I really loved it.) and I also liked the comedy Frogs by Aristophanes, despite the message that the author was trying to convey at that time period.

As for my free time, I'm still reading The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams and I'm pretty close to finishing the second book from the whole series (The Restaurant at The End of The Universe), probably in a week or two I'll start the third book Life, the Universe and Everything. And I really love it so far. There so many funny and straight up absurd moment in the story and I love the group of main characters in it. My heart goes out to the robot Marvin, idk if I will see you again in the following books, Marvin, but you're a big mood, I feel you.

As for my annual update on Webtoons I am reading! Right now I'm reading Everything Is Fine, Homesick, Never-Ending Darling, Omniscient Reader, My S-Class Hunter, ZOMGAN, There Are No Demons (the art style for this series is very uncanny valley but in a cool way, I love it), Nocturne, The Guy Upstairs, Lore Olympus and Zombie X Slasher (and interesting way to take the zombie genre and create a story, I must say, I don't think I've seen anyone do this before, I look forward to what the author can offer). And I recently finished Surivival Diary, Dark Moon: The Blood Altar, The Star Seekers, Crimson Heart and soon I'll be finishing Dark Moon: The Grey City Too.

And a webtoon I recently finished too was Survival Romance and I just gotta give a shoutout to it. That webtoon took me completely by surprise. It wasn't the cute art style that made it unique, there are many stories that look cute on the outside that hide something dark and sinister underneath (like Everything Is Fine, for example). I knew this webtoon is horror, so at first I expected maybe one of the characters would be a yandere or something like that and the MC would be trying to escape that. And yes, there is one side character that could be considered obsessive in a way in parts of the webtoon, but the story wasn't about that at all. The author just took the romance and horror genres and turned them on their heads. The whole story isn't all that much about romance at all, actually, it's about forming friendships and bonds with people and having the will to keep pushing forward despite all the struggles you might be going through. The plot twists were SO GOOD, even though some could have been quite easy to predict. I also loved that the author put some meta and breaking the forth wall moments (Doki Doki Literature Club style is the closest association I could think of for this webtoon, kind of) and by the end all the characters [REDACTED, NO SPOILERS, GO READ IT YOURSELF IF YOU'RE CURIOUS]. The message is also very nice, the closing words in the epilogue honestly hit quite close to home and made me bawl my eyes out. The story also has zombies in a quite a unique way in my opinion. So if like dark stories with twists and turns and a meaningful message, and if in any way I piqued you're interest, go and check it out. I'm sure you won't be left disappointed. I could honestly write way more about this webtoon, but I already wrote a lot, so I'm gonna stop here.

[youremyheaven]

Hey, I always end up here for some reason. I actually do have a lot of people I want to ask about but it would take an eternity, but I would like to ask about relationships. I never dated but I did attract the boys I liked, some moments just happened for 1 or more years but I couldn't date them or anything, I don't regret nothing but I do remember them messing bad and it always ends up with me and my dignity, and I choose latter. They do remember and "seem" to like me even after months, as I heard from my friends after I stopped talking to them which I don't what's happening like where was your courtesy before? With such failed attempts in barely seeing them made me question my own taste. If I remember I know they reciprocate the feelings from here and there but they never told me directly, it's like I've to put efforts which I mostly don't and I don't want to assume anything so I just have to move on. I take my time and they end up doing bizzare things so I create some distance. There was a guy who did confess after whole ton of my hardwork but it was such a trashy experience, I didn't settle of course but my goodness never in my life again. I just gave up on this matter overall, let's see what happens next. I want to be a little delusional for a while. Can you talk about V a little bit, I was curious because I relate to him a lot and I thought of it as romantic before but I don't think it's the same now, I don't know what I'm trying to say but you haven't talked about him much either and I wished to hear this from your side? So if you just want to add something? Maybe I'll know myself a little too? Can you also talk about my attraction to such partners and them being weird?

i dont know if i entirely understood what you were trying to say

but basically you attract boys you like but even if they seem to like you, you don't get them to confess or be straight up with you??

IF this is what you meant,

boys who dont tell you they like you are weaklings. a lack of clear communication means they dont like you enough to risk their pride getting bruised. if a guy genuinely likes you, he'll risk it all and be straightforward with you

guys hold back when they have multiple thoughts running through their head and ideally their only thought should be bagging u

what goes on in their heads is none of our business and it doesnt matter. a guy who does not actually be clear with his intentions and does not pursue you is NOT worth your time. leave them in the dust.

idk how young you are but since you say you dont have any experience dating , i feel like saying this, its okay to want to be desired and wanted by others. there is nothing wrong with it. its biological and natural.

so ask yourself if you just wanted a bunch of admirers or if you actually wanted to date these guys

i know it can be really confusing and stressing as well tbh when someone gives you mixed signals but honestly just leave it at that. theyre being shady because THEY have shady intentions. no man with actually good intentions would hesitate to approach you directly my queen<333

idk how useful this is but im someone with a very "a win is a win" mentality lmao in the sense that if i liked someone and they liked me back, thats a win 😌😜

you did hear from your friends that those guys liked you, so likeeee 👀💅🏻

the number of people who like you, who you have mutual liking with etc will always exceed the number of people you actually date bc thats just math

if 10 guys like u and u like them back, u cant date all 10 in one go (or maybe u can but u'd have to figure that one out urself 🤡)

alsooo men being weird is just ://// how a lot of men are. many guys are straight up bizarre ://// dont take that stuff personally

about V (taehyung), he's actually my least favourite BTS member tbh,, idk if its because he's a Revati Moon (atmakaraka) with Mars in Uttara Ashadha amatyakaraka or what but he's always struck me as a guy who was kinda tough to be around. i dont think he's horrible or anything but his Shravana Venus, UA Mercury and Mars, Moon conjunct Ketu,,, its a weird combo,, he himself is a bit offbeat and eccentric but he would expect his partner to be kinda traditional and modest. i just dont like malefic influenced men i guess :///

something about his sweet boy act feels insincere to me. and as someone who has been around manyyyyy Revatis ,, i dont like that ADHD type behaviour they exhibit (im not making fun of anyone who actually suffers from ADHD and nor am i equating a mental condition with a nakshatra, i just dont know how else to describe the way manyyy Mercurials act??? yk all those funny reels and tiktoks about how gen z has a short attention span and communicate in a weird way bc they're chronically online, yeah, thats how a lot of Mercurials act)

a bit of a self-drag but i went to a girls school until i was 15 and had never interacted with a guy my age, after switching to a co-ed school at 16, i had to learn how to deal with guys from scratch. its a whole different world ill tell u. i think atp due to your lack of experiences with dating, you just dont know what to expect and how to deal with it. and thats okayyy,, this is just a part of life and youll figure it out for yourself as you go. dont stress out too much and dont worry about it tbh,, there are 8 billion people on this planet, there has to be a decent guy who will be honest, as well <333

[h-a-unted]

𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐑. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME : Kuroki (Kuro is fine, too!)

PRONOUNS : I don't mind what I get called, even though I am a girl! I think boys are hella cool, so when I get mistook for a boy, I take it as a compliment instead of an error.

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : Discord and Tumblr IMs!

NAME OF MUSE(S) : Oh boy... I have a bunch on different blogs, but I'll list the ones here: Butcher, Maeve, Frenchie, Lenny, Emma, Travis, Ethan (E3N), Cpt Price, Adler, Alex, Atom, Chris (RE), and Martha (FFXVI). I'm going to add Legion (ME) and Emet (FFXIV) later.

BEST EXPERIENCE : Joining The Quarry fandom, which allowed me to find my bestie Ladybug, while also making it easier for me to join other fandoms and meet more friends who are so special to me now. I never expected to meet so many amazing people in The Boys fandom, so that's another highlight to me.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : Being pestered for replies. If I'm rushed in any way, shape or form, my brain just shuts down, and I lose all excitement I used to have. It's one thing to be excited for a thread, that's totally fine, but being purposefully rushed or guilt-tripped into replying is a no-go for me. It has happened to me so many times, I already know how it goes and feel it in the air sometimes, even. I want to write at my leisure and to allow others to do the same. I know I take a lot of time sometimes, but if I'm rushed, I won't ever write for that thread/person again, unless I force myself and throw soulless replies that eventually die. But I'm done trying to be nice to that kind of people and then feeling bad for not being able to keep up, so I'll probably stop outright the next time this happens. Fingers crossed that it doesn't.

MUSE PREFERENCES : Assholes with trauma and/or nuance, himbos, and Artifical Intelligence or a human variant of that.

PLOTS OR MEMES : Both! If I can't for the life of me come up with a random interaction, I ask for plot, but I am mostly more than fine with memes to get things going! Both are excellent!

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : Both long and short replies are fun! Sometimes it's easier to throw rapid-shot responses, so I go for small, but other times the muse is high and I want to describe more, so I can go for long. Any of those are fine as long (heh, punny) as I have something to reply to.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : Any time my muse is high, or even when my muse is not that high. As long as I can inspire myself enough, I'm game any time. I suppose I usually write during the noon/afternoon onward.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : I usually like to find something that explains to me why I love a certain character and all that. Most of the time, I think it's just me trying to justify myself or make myself cooler, so I sometimes don't really believe I am like a character more like I want to be said character. Even so, I think Butcher is what I could've been had I not been helped when very young. Maeve feels like kind of a mirror to Butcher. She also seems to think she deserves the bad things that happen to her while showing herself as a really strong, indestructible person, I think I relate to that (and her situation of her romantic orientation and stuff, probably? Idk). Emma's cheery mask, Travis' stoic demeanor during rough situations, also Emma's calm demeanor during dangerous situations... The other characters I just really love for one thing or the other without really relating but probably admiring. And the AIs? I just really adore AIs.

TAGGED BY: tagged by @awkwardcourage (thank you so much!)

TAGGING: @dollhidden @savior-of-humanity @sesyeuxocean @reviresc @rottingkiss @hacker-codeq @arcanumsolitude @phoenix-flamed and anyone else I missed who sees this! Consider yourself tagged and feel free to tag me!

[afaramir]

I love your posts about Denethor and Faramir. I'm always glad to see someone who loves both him and Faramir and gets that Denethor being this hugely impressive tragic figure makes Faramir so much better and more interesting. The relationship between them is so complex and I love it so much. The film versions make me angry as well.

oh man thank you so much...i find it kinda crazy that you're saying this to me bc im pretty sure i have a bunch of posts from your denethor tag sitting around in my drafts so i can look back at them later. many days i feel very much like an Amateur Denethor Enjoyer but i am thrilled that me just kind of being unhinged on the dash has brought you joy. and get ready bc here i go again LOL

yeah exactly what you said...denethor's tragedy informs and is informed by faramir so so so much and it's just kind of wild to me that on the tragedy enjoyers website so many people refuse to see it. on the second-best enjoyers website...the guilt-and-despair enjoyers website...the "the unimaginable has happened and i AM going to kill people and then myself" enjoyers website...i could go on! he is literally doomed by the narrative and just goes well ok fuck you i WILL die at the end but it will NOT be in the way the narrative wants me to.

it is truly the relationship of all time. faramir does love his father and yet because of the strength of his principles he is genuinely incapable of showing it in a way that denethor can understand. and denethor loves him too but after a certain point just cannot show it anymore because duty has to take precedence. he's not allowed to give faramir any quarter even in private. and YES that includes anything that would resemble a normal emotion. ngl i wouldn't be surprised if that's the only way faramir is like. LETTING him communicate with him. like i feel like the final assault on osgiliath is not the first time faramir's taken the "if you want to get me to do something you ARE going to have to order me to do it" stance. and yet denethor tries. at the end he takes trying to an unhinged level. idk it often feels like even in the general fandom insistance on one-dimensionally dickish denethor there's somehow also a lack of understanding that it IS a toxic expression of love but that doesn't make it not love. like He's Not Winning Dad Of The Year that is not what we're saying at all. we're saying is "it was born of love. it was a terrible thing yet born of love." thats all! that's why it's so tragic because it's all about love!!! augh...

ok i don't typically put quotations from my own writing in like real posts but also ive been thinking about the faramir goes to rivendell au 24/7 and i just. HAVE to pull this line bc it kind of captures exactly how i feel about the denethor-and-faramir mutual Character Honing.

Yet he [Faramir] cannot deny that each of them sharpens himself upon the whetstone of the other, and it is a debt he loathes to owe and yet cannot hope to repay.

i mean.......like are you picking up what im putting down! like! AAA! both in-narrative and out of it they are always ALWAYS making each other better (or worse. but worse in a More Interesting Way) but AT WHAT COST!!! he loves his father he would not be the man he is today without his father both in a good and bad way he HATES that these two things are true. faramir and denethor are not foils they're parallels they build each other's characters up when you put them next to each other!! faramir is who denethor wouldve couldve been without the war!! hey hang on a second is denethor who faramir would've become if he were the lord steward during the war of the ring? (this is a little reductive i think faramir's susceptibility to despair is quite different to his father's. and i wonder how long his gentleness would've prevailed / worked side by side with his duty instead of being diametrically opposed to it. but anyway. well i'll be thinking about THAT for the rest of the night. i cannot start another au i cannot i cannot i cannot). anyway you can't get one of them without getting the other and that is all...

man i always say like oh don't get me started on movie faramir and denethor and then the don't think of an elephant effect GETS me and it gets me started. last night i genuinely said like "well i won't get into it" and then three hours later it was 2am and it was so very clear that i had Gotten Into It. i had to tell our other roommate like "tell me when ur going to bed i am talking about denethor and i will be yelling." my roommate just came home and i told her about this post and then i had to explain a detail and she SET ME A THREE MINUTE TIMER bc she was like i have to go study. and that's fair

anyway i hope you are having a good night/day/whatever time it is for you. thank you for this ask it is always fun to see you pop up in my notifs whenever im denethorposting lol

[mosspapi]

hai ok prefacing this by saying i know ur not a medical doctor butttt im just getting community input i guess so i have some form of motor/vocal tics and like. idk i definitely wouldnt say it's a CONSCIOUS decision for me to tic (like jerking my arm or whatever) but i feel it impending... like i know im going to tic within the next second or wutever. or there's like this looming energy that i will tic.

im wondering if im gaslighting myself into thinking that it's not conscious decision when it actually is, if that makes sense. like if i am subconsciously deciding to jerk my arm. i wonder that then i'll hold a skewer and accidentally stab myself with it without realizing until it happened lol like... input pretty please? i guess what i want you to answer is if you know of some factor that will let yourself know whether or not you're ticcing on purpose. or something like that. pretty please. this has been going on for 3 years but it stopped happening for over half a year and there's been breaks in between, does this sound like tourettes to you? it's just so confusing cuz i have no reason to tic, it's genuinely so annoying

dont answer anything ur not comfortable with of course, im just kinda at a loss and i'll ask my parents to go to a neurologist or something soon. thank you so much by the way

Hello anon! No worries, ur all good. And that's definitely a very common thing with Tourette's as far as I'm aware- like for me it won't be every tic, but I can definitely tell when it's gonna happen for a lot of them. I've even been thru a whole branch of therapy dedicated to helping notice those warning signs and being able to counteract the tic if it's smth hurtful/dangerous (like I had one that was punching myself in the head which. Isn't ideal lmao. So we spent a few weeks finding out how it felt to do the tic, where it came from, how I noticed it, etc, and developing an "inverse" action to do instead so it wouldn't happen as much, such as stretching my arm if the tic felt like tension, if that makes sense).

It's also very common that thinking about a tic will make you tic when you have Tourette's, so if that's part of what's worrying you (IE "oh I'm just faking it/doing it on purpose without realizing because I do it when someone mentions it"), that's ironically a sign that it's Not fake lmao

And Tourette's does sort of come and go, there will be "better" times and "worse" times- I don't know for how long it's considered normal to be "better", so I can't say whether 6+ months of Nothing would make it not Tourette's, but it very well still could be, or at least some other tic disorder.

I would definitely recommend trying to see a professional abt it since there are potentially other causes for tics that aren't Tourette's, but at least from my personal experience it does very well sound like that's what it could be. Hopefully it all goes smoothly for u! And hopefully this all made sense lol, I'm a little tired atm so if anything is incoherent just lmk and I'll try again /g

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Rambling, food + body things

I'm making granola, probably way too much of it, it's so high cal that I don't even want to look at the numbers haha but it's gonna be like power food to get me through the day, I'll eat it with plain yogurt, it'll be fine 😅

I'm nervous about going back to work, heavy manual labor in the Texas heat, I haven't built a stage since April, I'm gonna be so out of shape strength-wise, I've been good about walking regularly but I haven't really been carrying heavy things lately, and I've gotten used to mild temps so it's gonna be hard to transition back to heat in the 90s... Good news is I'm 10 lbs skinnier, I got some new shorts for work today that aren't as short as the other ones so maybe the guys won't be looking at my butt all day, hopefully if I can manage to drive 8h each for the next 3 days I can get to Texas a day early so I can get used to the heat and buy groceries.

We're supposed to have a full size fridge and a kitchenette in the hotel room so I'm gonna be able to get actual food and not just eat out every day, I'm thinking yogurt+granola for breakfast, salad and veggies and whatever veg protein catering is serving for lunch, banana for an afternoon snack, and then easy protein foods for dinner like cottage cheese, lentil soups, etc.

Would love to be 105 or under the next time I step on a scale but I also have to prioritize health + body functions above that right now, but if I can at least maintain weight and energy levels that's fine ?? I guess ?? Idk I technically hit my goal weight for the year and I have a history of immediately gaining once the ultimate goal is reached so I'm just gonna see how it goes, don't overthink it, drink electrolytes and eat protein and don't eat crazy junk food -> actually I'm rewriting that sentence bc the new ultimate goal for this year is officially 103 so the plan is to maintain if I must but continue on my journey at the first opportunity :)

Motivation:

thinking about how confident I feel when I'm skinny, being cute and dancing everywhere and existing comfortably in my body; just casually looking skinny in every scenario and photo, taking goofy pics and looking cute instead of awkward; sitting on things and not worrying if my thighs look fat, wearing a crop top and not worrying about bloating after a meal, doing tasks at work in awkward positions but looking cute and fit while doing it, not constantly adjusting my clothes all the time bc everything just sits better;

working at hula, making a good first impression on the art team there, working on cool projects and using my creative/technical skills, learning new things but looking cute rather than clueless; and then show days, wearing cute outfits, swimming in the river, being cold at night and bundling up in cozy clothes, dancing with strangers, floating around like a mysterious woodland creature, confidence to make new friends and explore past my comfort zone

going out in rave clothes for show days in orlando, dancing and cuddling with L and feeling extra tiny next to him, also just seeing him again I know he's gonna pick me up and swirl me around lol would be nice to feel so tiny while that happens :) I finally got myself a set of real earplugs (last time he gave me his and then dragged me to a techno show hahaha) so I feel ready to go out and actually participate this time; also working with the art team over there, they were really snooty last year but it'd be cool to come in all skinny and confident and helpful this year and just radiate good vibes over them;

I gotta start trying a little harder with my work outfits this year, sometimes they look kinda grungy or like dad working in the yard vibes, but I'm trying to elevate my look just a lil bit and being skinny is definitely going to help. Less sweat, smaller thighs/legs, stronger + more visible muscles, looking better in short shorts and crop tops even though I've still been wearing them this whole time lol, big tshirts and longer shorts also look better; wearing bright colors and patterns and tie dye, all of it looks better when you're skinny;

My face looks so much cuter when I'm thinner; skinny hands and wrists on the steering wheel; muscles actually visible in my legs and arms and abs; bones ofc but they kind of get in the way at work, my hipbones are gonna be so bruised after one day; but cheekbones, collarbones, wrist bones, shin bones, shoulder bones, spine... Actually my spine also gets bruised when we have a long standby and I lean up against something hard for too long.

You get the idea. I know I've been saying how skinny I feel like basically since I started losing again which is funny but it's nice to be under 110 officially, it's like a whole new level of skinny :) can we lose another 5 lbs in the next 4-5 weeks?? Maybe, there's gonna be a lot of exercise, hot weather, no one paying attention to what I'm eating or wanting to share food with me, skinny roommate so I can't just snack all night without feeling weird... Could work out!

(God and then I'm going from TX to Florida and I actually can't wait to be so skinny and weigh myself on the stupid giant scales at Publix lmfao that's gonna be so fun)

[humanoidtyphoons]

ep 22...

-this episode starts off so cute and yet... gosh it goes downhill :(

-milly and wolfwood doing their whole "my honey"/"dear" schtick... they're so cute!! they're so!!! *sobs* it's such a nice part of trigun 98, for them to have this element of romance, and keep on joking about that time they were a fake couple, haha unless...?

-vash still reeling from brad's death. the montage where jessica cries at brad's grave and vash just says "i killed him, i'm to blame", vash... vash abiding by the town's rejection of him, he's got the blues so bad. wolfwood maybe trying to cheer him up by the campfire, and just... some battles you can't win. woe.

-vash knowing he has to fight knives, wolfwood gently pushing him there. it's just. ugh. i wish they'd talk about it but both would rather just... not. it's too much to untangle.

-it's kinda incredible how much worms really aren't that much of a thing in 98? they waited until ep 22 to have them here, and yeah, zazie is an incredibly different character to his manga/tristamp iteration, but wow. also i fucking knew his voice sounded familiar! kamiya hiroshi, back at it again!!! i could barely recognize you but that's you!!!!

-i do like that vash and wolfwood bicker about not trying to talk reason to the outsiders, so vash huffs and says you don't have to! i'll do it myself, and ten seconds later, wolfwood joins him. just. god, you can't leave him alone, can you?

-shouldn't be surprised that vash also said hey don't kill worms, mmkay?? and wolfwood was like really???? and yet!!!!

-god, who do i even side with? vash because he wants to believe in better, and had he had more time, zazie could have been talked out of it? or wolfwood, who knew him as a member of the gung ho guns gang, and saw himself in him, maybe, but also thought, it was too late. there wasn't a chance vash could talk him out of it. ugh. i don't know. idk. there's wasn't enough time to see what he would do next, regardless of his potential, wolfwood took the shot and robbed him of that chance.

-it was a breaking point destined to happen. wolfwood's third kill for vash. vash was going to find out one day, and their age old argument that wolfwood usually follows... there was always going to be a point where wolfwood gets sick of it. and it's always, consistently, been when it's regarding the gung ho guns. he will let people survive, unless it's them.

-and everyone is shocked, but... it's still gutting to see vash and milly's expressions towards wolfwood as he walks away, shocked at what he's done.

-hm, i do find it weird this ep that wolfwood isn't more... of a caretaker and friendly towards the kids, bc being in an orphanage and eternal friend to children is his MO, it gets vash to like him instantly, he responds to that kindness. but then... i do like that the kids do reject wolfwood as well for his hollow smile, seconds after they reject vash for his, tbh. weirder still is that milly and meryl do the cooking when... an early episode did show both vash and wolfwood help out with the cooking, but then... it is nice to see milly and meryl cook as well. i guess it's their turn...?

-ahh, that's chapel right at the end, with the green apple. hm. okay. okay.

i'm not ready for the next episode. i'm not.

[peachyteabuck]

Hey Lukis, I'm curious.

Have you ever had to literally quit from a workplace that was so toxic you yourself knew it was bad enough as it is?

After some of the shit I've told you about my boss and I, it hasn't gotten better 💀 all my friends hate her and keep on telling me to find another work but this is the only job I've had in so long because I waited like so fucking long it's ridiculous. Then people wanna spit shit like "young people don't wanna work anymore :(" gurl.

Dunno if you want that tea but I'll gladly give it to you.

Today I started work at 8:30, left at 11:40.

Because she was testing me all fucking morning 💀 my work mate Morgan told me that I made the mature decision to remove myself from her but why did I even fucking have to. She was saying shit like "I can have you go home, regardless, if you want that, I'll send you home, what I say goes" n shit. I was already on the verge of a mental breakdown and she acting like this cuz she didn't have enough caffeine and not enough sleep. I'm like boo.

I'm glad I left because I didn't wanna stay there for awhile 8 hour shift of that bs.

Hope it's okay to ask ur like personal opinion on this, what you'd do, etc, how you'd handle it (like I would leave because it's affecting me mentally bad, and it's smart to leave places like that. But I need the money at the same time, so yeah. I'm just. Idk.)

Yes! I quit jobs pretty quickly. I did it moreso in college than now (it was much easier to find work and I was under less financial constraints), but now I'm a lot more emotionally detached.

Managers need to be professional even when things in their life suck. When I went to bed at 1am because my cat was being hospitalized and I had to wait 6 hours for the vet to see us and then went to work the next day, I didn't snap at anyone or pull some kind of power trip. People certainly aren't perfect, I've definitely had to say "Oooh wait that was too much. Let me try that again" or say "I'm not dealing with this right now" and sent someone else in. That's an adult's job!

If you need the money and you can stomach it, stay. Unfortunately that sometimes is what we have to prioritize. But, learning how to emotionally distance yourself may be something to consider (I say this as someone who is VERY EMOTIONALLY INVESTED in my job and had to learn to say "sometimes I am only here for a paycheck")