#idk i'll write out design notes when i have time

[friendly-emerald-emily]

molly is such a fascinating character to me. and surprisingly, not because of her content in the show. but her lack of content. molly really felt like to me she was supposed to be the break-out star of the HiT era. let me explain why.

in short, it's all down to marketing and merchandise. i'm a massive HiT era apologist, mostly because it's the era of ttte i grew up with, but as i was looking through my catalogue of merch, i noticed something...molly was popping up. a lot. weirdly so.

i have a good amount of those briarpatch ttte board games, and typically they were for 4 players, and as such 4 engines were provided to play as: thomas, percy, james, and...molly? at first it seems weird, but when you think about it, it makes sense. molly rounds out a quartet themed around red, green, blue, and yellow, and also adds in a female character. i think that last bit is important, but i'll get to it later.

so i went digging, and the 4 player briarpatch games pre-molly usually had mavis in her place, likely also to add female representation, just swapping yellow for black. there are a few exceptions, i recall seeing toby and harvey instead, but again, it was mostly mavis.

looking at more merchandise outside of board games in this era, molly got quite a bit of focus. she was part of a set of 4 bath squirters along with thomas, percy, and james, and what i find most shocking, she was one of VERY few engines to receive a trackmaster remote control engine. molly also was featured on a 2008 great discovery trading card, even though she only had one line in the entire movie.

after this, i went digging deeper into the world of the thomas microsites and online games, where molly also had a strong presence. the quartet of thomas, percy, james, and molly continued in the simon-says type memory game (i think it's called 'peep peep!'?) and molly also appeared in the emotions game, but this game featured 5 engines, and the fifth...was emily. remember my point theorizing that molly was focused on because she was a girl? here's where it's important.

this five engine ensemble of thomas, percy, james, molly, and emily is repeated again in the plug n' play game 'right on time', a game that i own and remember fondly. emily was chosen again to fill the fifth slot, and i think it's because HiT wanted to have a gender-equal ensemble a la bwba. and i think molly was chosen specifically not only because her yellow paint is unique and for her gender, but because she is probably the girl character at the time that had the most opposing personality to emily. as we all know during this time, emily was interesting and had flaws unlike SOME OTHER ERAS- portrayed as having a very strong and opinionated personality, which would easily contrast towards molly's more shy and sensitive personality. both have also been described as having sisterly attitudes towards other engines. i think HiT wanted to prove in this 5 engine ensemble that they had varied writing for their female characters.

for all of this, i think that molly WAS supposed to be a much more important character than she turned out to be, mostly because she was marketed so heavily and disproportionately than her screen time would lead you to believe. molly also appeared more often than the other HiT newbies (bar rosie), but that isn't really saying much with how little other characters like neville or billy appeared. i don't know why molly was dropped so suddenly when the set up for her seemed to be there? only thing i can think of is that emily had just been moved to tidmouth sheds right before series 9, and that they didn't want to repeat that process?? idk i'm just spitballing because i've been thinking about molly a lot recently. on a small related note, her basis is also very specific and her design is SUCH a standout compared to other new characters at this time, so clearly effort was put into her. i wonder how different the series would have been if molly was elevated to prominent secondary character status like salty or mavis, or even main character status!

tl;dr i think molly was originally going to be important but then she wasn't :(

[hoonvrs]

SECOND BUTTON — n. riki

PAIRING riki × gnr

GENRE fluff, confessions, coming of age

WARNING none

W. COUNT 0.5k

S. NOTES happy bday to my baby <//3 cant believe he’s growing up

finishing high school is a bittersweet feeling.

realising that you’ll never be in the same school as all your friends anymore, that you won’t be seeing them five times a week when everyone moves on with their lives attending different colleges. safe to say it isn’t the happiest day in your eyes.

halls filled with students crying and hugging, some with markers in their hands as they write their goodbye messages on each other's t-shirts, their own covered in colourful messages.

everyone roaming the buildings one last time as a high school student before they leave to officially enter their adult stages. thankfully exams were over so the weight on your shoulders had lifted slightly, making sure to cherish the last few moments you had in this stage of life.

“guess what? i heard that kei is going to give hana his second button,” your friend gossiped, filling the whole group with gasps.

“poor guy, she’s definitely going to reject him.”

every year there would always be a select group of boys handing their crushes the second button of their uniform, a common confession practice at the end of high school year. there’s something sweet about it, giving the person you like the button closest to your heart instead of outright saying it.

it feels youthful, too shy to speak but brave enough to do something so bold in front of the whole school.

so after witnessing keis rejection live, your friends decided to go out to eat not being able to handle the second-hand embarrassment from their classmate. you didn’t make it too far out the school gates before someone called your name.

“yn!”

turning around to see someone running towards you, nishimura riki. everyone knew of riki for his dance skills always shown through the multiple stages and events he holds yearly, and maybe you’d spoken to him a few times but nothing enough to be considered friends.

you can hear your friends mumbling behind you as you walk towards him meeting him halfway, “hi riki, what’s up?”

there’s no denying riki is cute. from the mole adorning his face and his pouty lips, anyone could see he was blessed with looks alongside talent.

“erm—“ you could see him nervously fiddling as he reached for something from his pocket, “i just wanted to give you this.”

in his hands was a single gold button engraved with your school's cherry blossom design. you look up, scanning his uniform to see all his buttons intact except one.

the empty space where his second button once was stared back at you, as riki was starting to feel his adrenaline wear down and embarrassment start to crawl up his body when he noticed your friends a few feet away giggling and talking amongst themselves.

“you don’t have to take it. actually, this is stupid. i’m—“

before he could finish his sentence, you grabbed the button before his hands could close around it, clasping your own around the metal and pulling it closer to your own heart, “thank you riki, i'll text you?”

under different circumstances, you would’ve been worried how red the boy had gotten in the face as he aggressively nodded his head before running back the way he came. 

maybe this next step is sweeter than expected.

perm taglist @mesopret @whoschr ​@haknom @shinsou-rii @redm4ri @lacimolela @llama-lyna @boyfhee @lazysmushi @flwoie @kocokookie @kyexvly @seongclb @dammit-jjk @flwrshee @produmads ​@teddywonss @aleiouvre @dneltrise @aleiouvre @nyxvrse @yohanabanana @whois-alexis @tinyegg @sserafimez @satsuri3su @yuemvi @chirokookie @idk-tbh777 @s00buwu @ynsvnte @isawritesss

[lara-cairncross]

masterpost weewoo ✨✨

general art tag general ask tag

🧚hidden hollow au / rottmnt fairy au stuff:

au tag fanart/fanwriting tag "ask mikey" tag

original designs (this is kinda outdated now lmao)

brief intro comic

april -> leo size comparison

mini lore comic 1

info about mikey's talent

general idea for wings + shell anatomy

mini lore comic 2

info about leo's talent

mini lore comic 2.5??? (not important just funny to me personally)

shelldon exists. kinda.

thingy about their fangs (good color ref)

TURTLE TOTS

usagi intro!

raph shell ref

mini lore comic 3

ref for donnie's markings (kinda)

ao3 fanfics (from most recently updated to oldest)

link to my Ao3 page

are you lonely yet?

-> 6/? chapters, 11k words, english, Donnie- and- Mikey-centric.

notes: uhhhhh mikey gets hurt in a very damaging way. donnie blames himself big-time. they both think the other is mad at them. emotional angst woo hoo, but also kinda fluffy i think? also pretty heavy on disaster twins stuff

now it's red, now it's dead, now it's--

-> 1/2 chapters, 5k words, english, Mikey-centric.

notes: set in the Bad Future timeline! follows mikey's slow ascent into becoming something Other. lots of angst-- depression, disassociation, suicidal ideation, major character death, etc etc. probably my favorite fic that i've written? idk I love writing OP mikey!

the sun is a dying star

-> 3/? chapters, 10k words, english, mikey-centric but bounces between POVs

notes: started off as a one-shot but i got too ambitious for my own good. mikey is not having a good time. blah blah blah turtle-gets-kidnapped-by-scientists-or-something, but i wanted to focus more on like, psychological damage than physical damage. not sure when/if this one will get an update.

pizza bagels, communication, and other life-changing novelties

-> 1/3 chapters, 3.4k words, english, Miles- and- Mikey-centric.

notes: SHELLSHOCKED FIC WOOHOO !! THE ONE AND ONLY TIME I WILL WILLINGLY WRITE ROMANCE! uhhhh two teenagers pining for each other and doing dumb shit together and angsting about being children with the weight of the world on their shoulders. IT'S FLUFFY AND CUTE I PROMISE

it's golden hour somewhere

-> 1/1 chapters (completed), 7.4k words, english, Mikey- and- Karai-centric.

notes: one-shot. Karai POV, but focuses on turtle tot Mikey. basically the Hamato Sacrifice isn't the only curse that plagues the clan, and Mikey is the most recent Hamato to come under fire. predetermined fate and all that shit. fluff and angst. this one's kinda weird ngl I remember nothing about writing it or getting inspiration for it lmao

the icarus complex

-> 2/2 chapters (completed), 10k words, english, Raph-centric (and also kinda Leo-centric in second chapter).

notes: deals with Raph's PTSD following the Kraang invasion, and one possible coping mechanism he could fall back on. spoiler alert it's NOT a healthy one lmao. definitely one of the more interesting fics I've written in my opinion; I did a lot of research for this one to make it as realistic and respectful as I could. another personal fav :)

equivalent exchange (and other things that give Leo a headache)

-> 1/? chapters, 2.5k words, english, Future!Leo- and- Mikey-centric.

notes: another Bad Future timeline fic, this time with Present Mikey accidentally ending up with Future Leo. follows the two of them trying to figure out how to get Mikey back to his timeline. I still love this concept, but idk when I'll get around to updating it tho lmao

that's where the blood's supposed to be!

-> 2/2 chapters (completed), english, Mikey-centric.

notes: Mikey gets hit hard during a fight but brushes it off, and it comes back to bite him later. takes place after the show, but before the movie-- right when the whole Leo vs Raph kerfuffle is at its peak. questionable medical information but I did my best lmao. this one's kinda old and cringey atp but whatever

other stuff

fanart for 3 months au tag

fanart for golden future au tag

glass turtle keychains example

College Fund (aka my Ko-fi page :>)

[1d1195]

Right Here

Hi, idk if you all know this about me, but I love tropes. ALL of them. All. of. them. So here they all are: one bed, nightmares, enemies to lovers, hurt/comfort, childhood "friendship," coworker Harry, grumpy/sunshine (I'll let you guess who's who), etc. etc. etc. (Don't look too close this is Zipper but reveresed)

Other warnings: angst

9.2k+ words

“Business or pleasure?” The driver asked.

She stated “business,” immediately. Whereas Harry said, “a bit of both,” with that devilish smirk of his and looked at her with delight in his eyes. He seemed to get more enjoyment out of his comment as she glared at him.

In Year 2, Harry was playing with a few of his friends by the slide. He wasn’t really aware of what was happening but there was a girl in his class playing with a couple of her friends when the screaming started. There was a huge to-do; parents were called, the principal was involved, and the girl that seemed to be at the center of all the drama would not stop glaring at Harry.

But Harry didn’t like girls. He was six. He wanted to hang out with his friends at recess and maybe learn about the shapes and the planets if he had time. So, he didn’t really care that she glared at him. Or that he had to write an apology letter (that his mum told him how to write in his six-year-old scrawl). It was just another day in the life of a Year 2 student. He didn’t even know why he was writing the little note to her. He didn’t know what happened or why he did something wrong.

Year 2 turned to Year 3 and soon Harry was kissing and hugging his mum and sister goodbye as he went off to university. He was studying English Literature and Communications. He wanted to be a book publisher—mainly because he wanted an excuse to read all kinds of books. Moreover, he could read really good books before everyone else did. Eventually, he hoped to open his own publishing company, but he would need a business partner for that.

That was still a long way down the road. For the time being, he would enjoy university: friends, girlfriends, classes, his part time job, and everything in between. His only downfall was listening to his professor who suggested he get a minor in business—especially if he planned on own his own company. Even if he didn’t fully run the business side of things, it was good to have a general idea. Some key words and concepts would be helpful. More so, if the business partner wasn’t someone he trusted.

But Harry was awful with his business classes. The very first one he took was the bane of his existence. He strongly considered never opening his own company, he would just get the other person to handle it. Needless to say, he was recommended for tutoring two weeks into the class.

That’s where he found the glaring girl. Obviously, no longer seven. She was twenty, like Harry. And she was lovely looking. Except for the scowl on her face directed at Harry. Surely, she hadn’t harbored a grudge toward Harry since she was seven?

Oh, but she was. She was curt while she tutored. Everything Harry did was wrong. She managed to correct his mistakes kindly, but he could tell it pained her. There was a lot of sighing and eye-rolling involved. But she was good, he’d give her that.

Harry tried to be friendly, but she clearly wanted no part of it. “I am not here for small talk with you, Harry,” her voice was flat. She didn’t want to talk about the weather, or parties, or anything that wasn’t part of Harry’s class. When she came to help him at the designated time in the library with tears in her eyes, she sat down, took a deep breath, sniffled, and started her help with his homework.

“Hey, we don’t have t’do this now, beautiful. You’re obviously upset—”

“What do you care?” She interrupted.

“Jesus,” Harry shook his head in disbelief. “What is your problem?” She rolled her eyes, tearfully. “Y’can’t seriously still be mad about Year 2.”

She shook her head. “Just...shut it,” she snapped and turned her attention to Harry’s assignment. He sighed, looking at her like she was on the verge of a breakdown but did as she wished. Listening intently to her lesson, Harry felt this pull of how sad he was by her anguish, and he didn’t even know what it was. He kept watching her expressions, judging her tone, in between her explanations. He was worried there was something seriously wrong.

Despite her anger towards him, he didn’t want her to be upset. He worried someone had hurt her or upset her in some way—in a way that he could fix. It didn’t occur to him why he wanted to help her until well after three other classes she tutored him in for his minor over the last two years of university.

He got very little information out of her about anything that didn’t pertain to his classes. He knew she was grumpy in the afternoon and much preferred to tutor in the morning when her mind was fresh. That was when he got a glimpse of her gentler side—for only a second. She liked coffee a lot, she smelled fresh of her shampoo, and her eyes were brighter. She would ask if he had a good weekend or if he had any fun plans. It was the only time she offered up anything to him.

If it was any time past two in the afternoon, she wanted nothing to do with pleasantries or Harry, it seemed. But she was paid to tutor him, and she did it well. Harry never would have made it through his business classes without her. He was forever thankful for her help, even if she didn’t want to be thanked.

*

“Harry, would you like to go to this conference?”

He looked up from his desk where he was reading a riveting historical fiction novel that was passed up the chain to him. Harry thought it would be a NYT bestseller for sure. “Me?” He asked, clearing his throat and putting his pencil down. One thing he hated was marking up people’s hard work in any color pen—but especially red. It felt very secondary school of his coworkers to do it that way. Someone pored over this writing and of course no one expected it to be perfect, not even the author. But there was something so ugly about red ink marking up something that your blood, sweat, and tears went into.

Harry would quit writing if he saw even one smidge of red ink on his work.

Which is why he edited and didn’t publish his own work.

Harry had been a senior editor for four years, now. He loved his job. It was everything he hoped for: he read so many good stories and felt he was still learning so much. He was promoted from junior editor to senior editor after two years. He still hoped to own his own company one day.

“Yeah,” his boss rolled his eyes. “Who else would I send? Someone from the business administration team will attend as well,” he explained.

Harry smiled; he knew the second the title left his mouth exactly who would be attending the conference with him. She was going to hate it. “I would love to go,” Harry nodded excitedly. “But between you and me, I don’t want anyone t’get jealous that m’going. D’you think y’can keep it a secret?”

“Yeah, sure,” he shrugged. Harry loved this office. It was so carefree. When he had his own company, he would want it to be exactly like this. If he could own this one, he would. He liked all of his coworkers and would want to keep them alongside him.

Including the girl from the admin team that constantly glared at him during work parties, meetings, and office breakroom run ins. If she wasn’t there, then it wouldn’t be worth it.

When Harry saw her interact with their coworkers, he couldn’t help but fall more in love with her. She was so utterly beautiful, funny, and of course, absolutely brilliant. There wasn’t a question she didn’t know how to answer. There wasn’t any advice she couldn’t give. She was never condescending and was extremely helpful. Even when Harry needed her help—which was so rare he only recalled it three times in the entire seven years they worked together. She didn’t sigh, didn’t roll her eyes although he was sure she wanted to.

So, nothing made him happier than annoying her to pieces.

He told everyone he had known her since Year 2. Left notes for her on her cute little lunch box in the fridge, would constantly send random items to her office (his favorite was the look on her face when he sent her a bouquet of balloons. It didn’t do anything, but people said Happy Birthday to her all day, and she had to say it wasn’t). He would tell people they were best friends and watch her blush bright red trying to get out of it. There were so many fake secrets he told the person he was near making direct eye contact with her, just to piss her off.

It worked every time.

He worshipped her, honestly. How could he not? She was brilliant and beautiful. The whole package. Even when she was a bit crabby, he thought she was simply the cutest and went on adoring her from afar.

Harry couldn’t imagine how fun a work trip would be with her.

*

She hated flying. It was necessary but she hated it. The space was almost too small. It was stuffy and gross in a lot of ways. The seats were cramped, and it was just awful. She had her headphones in place, a relaxing, quiet playlist, a good book, and her travel pillow around her neck. She was more than ready to begin the flight. The conference was a treat, it was shorter hours than her regular workday and then she could meander the town as much as she pleased. It was going to be a great trip and she had been looking forward to it for the last two weeks.

But then Harry sat right beside her. “Hey beautiful,” he smiled sweetly. She stared at him. This had to be a joke.

“You’re kidding?”

“What?” He smirked impishly stowing his bag beneath the seat in front of him. “Excited t’see me?” She flushed that beautiful shade of red that he loved so much on her cheeks. “Ready for our vacation?” He asked. “Bring a good book?”

The plane was suddenly even smaller. She thought she was going to be sick. A whole five days with Harry. Five. She was going to lose her mind. She closed her eyes as the plane jolted forward. Harry was doing all the things he wasn’t supposed to be doing. Fidgeting with the tray table and the like. She wanted to scream.

How could she possibly get stuck with him?

*

Harry didn’t say much to her throughout the flight. At least not after asking if she was comfortable, which was objectively nice if she couldn’t stand him so much. He grabbed her bag from the bin overhead, made sure she didn’t get lost on her way to baggage claim, and held the door open for her when they reached their Uber. “Business or pleasure?” The driver asked.

She stated “business,” immediately. Whereas Harry said, “a bit of both,” with that devilish smirk of his and looked at her with delight in his eyes. He seemed to get more enjoyment out of his comment as she glared at him.

She really wished Harry wasn’t so goddamn hot. It should have been a sin to make someone so alarmingly attractive. Soft brown curls that looked like they were made to slip between her fingers. He had green eyes—how was that even fair? Those dimples made her stomach flip. He was incredibly tall and so fit; she thought about falling at his feet every day she saw him at work and just ending her silly grudge.

But she never forgave him for that day in Year 2. Call her stubborn, call her stupid. She didn’t care. It ruined a huge chunk of her young life and made her miserable.

Four days and twenty-two hours. She could survive.

“Me and the missus need a place t’eat, do y’have any suggestions?” he asked, reaching for her hand like they really were a couple. She yanked it out of his grip. She wanted to kill him. More so because she hated the way her heart took off when he touched her and the idea of being “the missus” was...ugh.

She was worried Harry wouldn’t survive the next four days, twenty-one hours, and fifty-eight minutes.

*

They arrived at the hotel and Harry was once more a gentleman, even though she didn’t want him to be. He grabbed her suitcase and sweetly pushed it through the lobby to the front desk. “Hi,” Harry said cheerfully. She wanted to shower, get out of her plane clothes, and get away from Harry. His chipper attitude was making her grumpier than normal. “I have a reservation under Styles,” he explained. “Here for the convention,” he added.

The man behind the desk nodded, smiling pleasantly as he tapped away on his computer. “It says two guests for your name,” he informed him. Her heart dropped to her feet.

“No, it doesn’t,” she murmured, but she knew it was right.

Harry was smiling like an idiot. This was too good to be true for him and his endless bouts of annoying her. “That’s correct,” Harry nodded.

“Are there any other rooms?” She asked. She already knew the answer, but she would kick herself if she didn’t at least check.

“No, I’m afraid we’re really booked with the convention.”

She didn’t dare ask if there were two beds because she already knew that answer too.

“It’ll be fine, lovie, don’t worry,” he promised. Part of her thought he really meant it too, sensing how upset she was. She was so overcome with frustration; she almost didn’t notice the new name he gave her. That it wouldn’t be torture for her to be in the same little space as Harry for the entire five days. Her heart started erratically beating at the thought. It felt like the sides of her brain were caving in like the walls surely would be when they got to the room.

She would lay ground rules. She would go buy a roll of tape and cut the room in half. Harry wasn’t going to ruin her little reprieve from work. He continued to be kind and pulled her bag to their room. “I would like to shower,” she told him as she eyed the single, king-sized bed in the middle of the room, mocking her. He settled the bags on opposite sides of the room. He chose the side closer to the window for her.

“I’ll be right in,” he winked at her.

She felt the heat rise to her cheeks, which she knew was exactly what he wanted. “What if I don’t want the window side?” She asked instead.

“Well, that I don’t really care, lovie. M’taking closer t’the door in case someone breaks in. Wouldn’t want you t’get hurt.”

She just wanted to annoy him the way he always annoyed her. Maybe make him move the bags around and then move them again which she informed him she did want the window side. But she didn’t expect him to be so nice. Didn’t think he would give a reason that was kind enough to care about her well-being. Even when she was grumpy toward him.

If her cheeks were going to be red the whole week, she was going to lose it. “Don’t come in the bathroom or I’ll murder you,” she rolled her eyes.

“I would never do that,” he rolled his eyes right back at her. “I was jus’ kidding.”

Unfortunately, she believed him. He seemed genuine, as much as she wanted to kill him.

*

The shower helped her relax marginally. At the very least she got the feeling of the plane off her. “I ordered some pizza. Y’like peppers and onions on yours, right?” Harry, knowing exactly what she liked, furthered her agitation.

“Yeah,” she mumbled.

“I’d like t’shower too. D’you think y’can get the pizza when it arrives and actually get mine too?” He smiled at her knowingly; like he thought she might not take his pizza from the delivery guy in protest of the whole situation.

She rolled her eyes but had to hand it to him because it did sound like her. “Yes, Harry.”

“Hey beautiful?” he said softly. She hated that she looked up, answering to his pretty pink lips calling her ‘beautiful.’ She shouldn’t have. First and foremost, she thought he was wrong. Maybe it was because of all the drama of Year 2 but she never had boys of any age fawning over her after the slide-incident. Not the way they ogled and adored her friends. It did a number on her self-esteem. While she tried to put up this front that she didn’t care about whether she was beautiful or not, it was hard to believe someone like Harry would recognize her as even pretty.

Secondly, it made her stomach flip when he said it and she hated that. It was unfair he was pretty and unfair he could make her crazy with just a word. “M’not so bad,” his face looked apologetic—like he felt bad for existing. “I promise, it won’t be that bad this week with me.” She nodded sullenly, ran her brush through her hair. “’Ve left some notes on the table there for the pizza,” he tilted his chin toward it.

“You don’t need to pay for me.”

He smiled. “Course I do, lovie. S’my treat.”

She hated the way she answered to ‘lovie’too.

*

She sat in comfortable silence while she ate her pizza. While eating, she looked at the itinerary on her phone. Made plans in her mind and thought about some of the things she wanted to do during her free time.

“Oh good, m’starving. Smelled it while I was showering.”

She did a double take, her jaw falling open instinctively. She nearly dropped her pizza on her lap and then her phone right after it. Harry was hurrying across the room to get to his pizza. A towel low on his hips showing off glistening, taut muscles. Her heart hammered against her chest. “Jesus,” she whispered to herself looking away.

“Did y’say something, beautiful?” He asked, taking a bite of his pizza. She shook her head. Once more, angry she answered with the word ‘beautiful’.  His hair was dripping, and she followed the little droplets as they slid down his broad shoulders and across his defined pectorals. It wasn’t fair. She wanted to hate him easily. But his pretty tattoos and his gorgeous body were making it so difficult.

“I’m think I’m going to sleep on the floor,” she told him. He frowned around a bite of his pizza. When he finished chewing, he had a bit of grease on each corner of his mouth. She wanted to reach out with a napkin and wipe it away.

Or lick it away, along with the rest of his body.

“I’ll be the perfect gentleman,” he promised. “M’not gonna let y’sleep on the floor, lovie,” he rolled his eyes. “If you’re that uncomfortable, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

She couldn’t help but feel bad that her awkwardness, her annoyance for Harry, would have him sleep on the floor. He didn’t truly deserve that. This was a work trip for him as well, after all.

Maybe if he was fully clothed, she would have taken him up on his offer. Accepted him sleeping on the floor in her place. But her modern-woman, intelligent brain that she had spent years cultivating so she was independent, and worked so hard to make sure she didn’t go ga-ga over a man was malfunctioning from travel...and knowing she was stuck with Harry in such close quarters for almost a week.

Plus, Harry had the prettiest stomach she had ever seen on a man.

Her primal brain, the one that seemed to be screaming from between her legs, couldn’t help but feel bad for him.

“It’s…fine,” she mumbled focusing on her pizza and phone again.

“Are y’sure, beautiful? I don’t want t’make y’uncomfortable.”

She believed him. He seemed so eager to please her and ease her worries. She nodded. “It’ll be fine,” she was telling herself in hopes it would be true. “But I’m making a pillow wall.”

He smiled around his pizza.

*

“Would y’prefer I sleep with or without a shirt?” He asked. Harry went to use the hotel gym and then took another shower. She used the time to read her book and sit on the balcony while the sun was setting. It wasn’t a picturesque view or anything, but the sky was a bunch of beautiful hues of pink, blue, and orange.

When Harry exited the shower, it was awkwardly silent for a bit. Harry tended to his after shower-care. She was looking at her book but not reading. She yawned, and that was when Harry asked his question. The inquiry felt like a double-edged sword. If she said with a shirt, it might imply she wanted to hide him from her view because she couldn’t help but look at him. If she said no, it would make it seem like she wanted to see him. “Whatever makes you comfortable,” she decided on.

He smirked and pulled his T-shirt off. “‘Fraid you’re not privy t’that sleeping habit, lovie.” She wondered if anyone had ever been murdered with a hotel phone cord. She felt extremely self-conscious about her t-shirt and leggings combo. “Feel free t’do the same, beautiful,” he grinned wickedly at her as he slipped into his side of the bed. She had two pillows under the blankets and two on top. She was certain that even if she had her own room, it wouldn’t be enough distance between them. “What if I want another pillow?” He asked mischievously.

“Go fuck yourself, Harry,” she grumbled.

He frowned. “C’mon, lovie. S’not so bad.” She didn’t say anything in response and turned to her side facing away from him. She scrolled mindlessly on her phone. “D’you want t’watch something together?” He asked.

“No, thank you,” she murmured quietly. “You can though,” she shrugged. “I’ll sleep through most anything.”

He nodded. “Okay...well...good night, beautiful. Sleep well,” he said sweetly.

She didn’t fall asleep right away. Instead, she imagined the nice museum she saw online. The picturesque street about a mile away with cute little shops. There was the coffee shop she wanted to go to. All the things that Harry couldn’t ruin with his annoying little remarks.

Or his stupid hot body.

Other than some gentle laughter, she didn’t hear or worry about Harry sleeping less than six inches from her own body. The pillows provided the perfect barrier between them so that she could sleep easily knowing that he wouldn’t bug her.

Only four days until it was over. She could do this.

*

Harry heard her phone drop from her hands to the floor about an hour later. He hurried to her side of the room and made sure her alarm was set, locked her phone, and placed it on her nightstand. He saw the way she seemed to shiver in her sleep. Probably because she was right under the vent. The space between her brows puckered due to her discomfort. He draped the blanket that was at the end of the bed over her. Almost immediately, the skin between her eyebrows smoothed back out. He wanted to kiss her in the very same spot but of course would never do that without her permission.

The movie Harry was playing was funny and he enjoyed it immensely. True to her word, she slept through his laughter and the sound of the movie itself. She was wiggly when she slept. The pillows and blankets balled all around her and Harry wondered how she slept like that each night. It looked nearly painful at times.

Of course, the movie came to an end, and she was still sound asleep when Harry finally turned the TV off and hunkered down into his side of the mattress. He tried not to disturb her pillow wall, but she had managed to throw all of them every which way. He smirked to himself, shaking his head at her.

Harry must have gotten only an hour of sleep under his belt when he woke up to her kicking and mumbling under her breath. The light coming through the window allowed for his eyes to adjust a bit to the darkness against her figure sprawled in the sheets. He shook his head glancing over at her in complete disarray.  Her body was still twisted around the pillows and blankets. Harry was left with just the sheet. He smirked at her.

He threw his arm over his eyes and ignored her fitful movements. But they kept going and going. The mumbling too. He felt bad about whatever she was dreaming about, but he didn’t dare touch her. If she woke up to him touching her, even if it was for comfort, he was certain she would kill him.

Harry was a pretty heavy sleeper himself, so her fussy movements didn’t bother him in the slightest. Whatever she was dreaming about had to be a kick for sure and for that he felt bad.

But then Harry heard small whimpers coming from her and he felt his stomach knot. It felt like he was dying at the mere sound of her discomfort. The anguish he felt coming from her was brutal and he wanted nothing more than to hold her and fix it. “Oh, hey,” he hummed, sitting up against the headboard. He looked her over and thought incurring her wrath would be well worth it if he could stop her from whimpering miserably. “Lovie? Y’okay?” He gently shook her by the shoulder. She seemed to be fighting whatever she was dreaming about, and the blankets were keeping her trapped. Harry grabbed the pillows that were on top of her. Her arms were nearly swaddled against her body with the blanket wrapped around her and pulled up to her neck tightly.

Harry flicked the light on his nightstand so he could get a better look at her.

The poor thing was glistening with sweat around her hairline, tears were leaking from her closed eyes, and that space between her brows was cinched together like she was in pain. “Oh, no,” he murmured and crawled out of his side and came around to her side. “Hey,” he cooed. He crouched in front of her and began tossing the pillows to the floor. He unraveled the blankets from around her. “Lovie,” he murmured. He called her lovie at the start of the evening and he couldn’t stop. He loved to call her beautiful and enjoyed how readily she answer to it. But something about her sweet face just made the word ‘lovie’ roll right off his tongue. It was effortless; like it was the only thing he should call her. Once she was without the swaddle of blankets, and the pillows attacking her, she was practically gasping for air in her sleep. “Lovie, you’re having a bad dream,” he gave her a good shake causing her eyes to flash open. Harry gazed at her in alarm. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to hide from Harry. But it was far too late for that. “Are y’okay, beautiful?”

She ignored him. Her breathing evening out. She turned away from him. “Lovie...”

“Would you stop calling me cute names?” She asked, the exasperation thick in her voice. But she was still distraught. He could tell. He was quiet for a minute letting her work through whatever just happened. “Please don’t tell anyone about this,” she whispered.

He blinked. He felt so sad she believed so little of him. “I would never tell anyone anything ‘bout you—”

“You whisper about me all the time,” she snipped.

His mouth fell open in disbelief. “Lovie, you have t’know I don’t whisper anything ‘bout you. M’telling them how pretty I think y’are and how you’ll get all flustered that m’whispering nothing ‘bout you. They know I adore you and think nothing short of wonderful things ‘bout you. Y’seriously don’t get it do you?” He felt so utterly annoyed by her, himself. He thought she was lovely and yes; she was fun to annoy but he would never say anything about her that hurt her reputation. He was sad she thought he would. It never made sense for her to dislike him so intently. He never really cared and turned it into a joke. But knowing she truly didn’t like him made his heart heavy.

She refused to look at him. It was silent for several beats. Harry stared at the back of her t-shirt, her shoulders trying to find an easy rhythm. He wanted her to explain it. Right now. In the middle of the night when they were stuck in a small hotel room together. “Why did you trap me in the slide?” She whispered.

Of all the things he expected her to say, that was not one of them. “What?” He shook his head.

“In Year 2? You and your friends trapped me in the slide, now I’m embarrassingly claustrophobic. If I have anything covering my face, I have a meltdown. It feels like I can’t breathe. If someone...holds me the wrong way for too long, I get overwhelmed. It’s ruined so many relationships and it’s...” she sniffled, her shoulders staggering a bit at the effort.

He frowned. “Is that why you hate me?” He whispered. She didn’t answer him. “Lovie, I had nothing to do with that.”

“Well, they blamed you.”

He sighed. “So, all this time you’ve hated me, and it wasn’t even my doing?” He asked.

It seemed to appeal to the logical part of her brain. She was still for a moment longer, her breathing evening out. But then she rolled to her other side and stared at Harry. He hated the tears that stained her cheeks. That little crease between her eyebrows. He reached out and pressed his fingers there to smooth it out and she let him. It didn’t even bother him that she hadn’t liked him for so long.

Her lips rolled into her mouth as she thought over the last twenty-something years of their lives. It may not have bothered Harry but now it bothered her. “Why have you liked me even though I’m so...crabby toward you?”

He smiled excitedly. Like he was getting a Christmas present or told he won a raffle. “What isn’t there t’like ‘bout you, beautiful?” His hand cupped her cheek and his thumb gently rubbed at the stain of salt on her cheek. The back of her head was warm with sweat and if it wasn’t so late at night, she would feel more self-conscious.

“You’re a glutton for punishment.”

It was progress though because she didn’t push his hand away from her face. “Can I get back on the bed? I won’t touch you, but I don’t want you t’have the pillows and blankets attack you.”

“You can touch me,” she mumbled.

He wiggled his eyebrows at her. “Oh yeah?” He rose from the floor to head back to his side of the bed.

She rolled her eyes at him. “I hate you.”

“I don’t think y’do, actually,” he said smugly.

“Are you going to annoy me the entire time?”

Harry turned off his bedside lamp and crawled under the sheet. “Probably.”

She sighed; he imagined her pretty eye roll the way she always did. Harry put his arm behind his head, closed his eyes and tried to drift off to sleep. “You really didn’t trap me in there?” She asked.

Harry turned to his side and looked at the shadow outline of her staring up at the ceiling. He wanted to reach out and trace the shape of her profile, follow it down her arm and hold her hand. “Even as a six-year-old, lovie, I couldn’t hurt you. If...I knew...I would have gotten y’out of there so fast,” he promised. “Poor baby,” he murmured and bravely reached out and grabbed her hand. She didn’t pull from him. She let his fingers fit between the spaces of hers, gave her a gentle squeeze.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t know why you were mad,” he shrugged.

“You were really just going to let me hate you for the rest of our life?”

“Hate and love are very close together in the brain,” he said knowingly. “Given y’said the rest of our life,” he smiled excitedly, “I had a feeling y’couldn’t keep it up forever. And I’d wait forever for you, beautiful.” He sounded so arrogant she wanted to hate him just to spite him. But she couldn’t argue with him. It was exhausting hating him. Being in the hotel room with him—especially when he was in a towel—was ruining her grumpy front. Even with sleep still on her brain, she couldn’t help but think about how gentle he was with her and her anxious mind. He was so utterly accommodating and kind to her. He would have slept on the floor if she asked. But she rather enjoyed the feel of his fingers holding hers. “Do you have nightmares a lot?” He asked, interrupting her thoughts.

She shook her head. “Not anymore...Only when I get all twisted like that. I usually sleep better with a weighted blanket to help my anxiety about it. It also keeps me in place, mostly. I’ve had a lot of therapy to help cope with it and the blanket usually helps but obviously y’can’t really travel with a fifteen-pound blanket.”

“Can you snuggle?” He asked.

She blinked at the darkness in front of her. “Can I what?”

“Can you snuggle with someone?” He repeated.

She bit the inside of her lip. “As long as my face isn’t covered,” she muttered. “But it’s definitely been a problem in past relationships if that’s what you’re asking me ab—”

Harry had his arms looping around her and he pulled her toward him so quickly, she barely had time to process. His body spooned behind her, one arm snug beneath her neck and the other draped around the front of her hips. Her heart rate had to be approaching a hundred and fifty. “Is this alright, beautiful?” He murmured into the back of her hair. She was speechless, truly. Harry holding her like...like she didn’t just have a major meltdown. Like he adored her still. “Lovie?” He said, nearly releasing her when she didn’t answer. Worried that her heart rate was too high—he could practically feel it through her back pressed to him. Maybe this was too much.

But right as he started to pull away, her arm pressed against Harry’s. She sighed softly. “No...m’fine,” her voice was quiet.

“Are y’sure? I don’t want t’upset you,” he promised. “Been dreaming ‘bout snuggling with you... but not at the expense of your comfort or anxiety,” he assured her.

“You dream about cuddling with me?”

“Among other things,” he spoke to the back of her hair, his lips smiling against her head.

She rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot.”

“I really didn’t think y’could hate me forever, lovie.”

She was quiet for a few moments. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. It was the first time she ever apologized to him. His heart skipped a beat.

“I know, beautiful. How would y’have known, though? I wish y’told me, but I know why y’didn’t.”

More silence. Harry’s bare stomach was touching her t-shirt, his legs were crooked up against the back of hers. They fit like puzzle pieces. She bit the inside of her lip feeling exhaustion pull over her mind. How was she supposed to sleep knowing Harry was sleeping right next to her?

“Good night, lovie,” he murmured.

She sighed, relaxing, and drifting to sleep almost immediately.

*

The first day of the conference went by quickly with not much to really show for it. Harry enjoyed it immensely and had a thousand new ideas that he suggested to her over their lunch together. She enjoyed it as well but after her night snuggled up to Harry nothing else seemed remotely important.

“Hey, lovie?” Harry said, trying to retrieve her attention. “Did y’have plans this afternoon? M’gonna catch up with a friend,” he nodded toward another table. The idea of Harry leaving her alone actually saddened her, but of course...they’d have the night.

Unless the friend was a girl. In which case he very well could not come back to their shared room. She nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. Have fun,” she encouraged.

He smiled and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Keep the bed warm for me, yeah?” He winked at her as he pulled away.

She thought maybe killing him would still be an option.

She perused the little picturesque street taking a whole bunch of pictures and stopping in nearly every shop on the street and making a purchase in almost every single one. It was actually really nice. Not too hot, not too cold. She even sort of wished Harry had gone with her on her little adventure. She thought he would have liked some of the shops as much as she did.

It was precisely when she wished Harry had gone with her that she realized she really liked him. All this time.

Maybe he was right, and her brain mistook her affection for him as hatred. She wasn’t ready to say love yet. Even if her subconscious was screaming about how lovely he was.

Even last night when Harry was comforting and gentle about her phobia. He didn’t make her feel bad...in fact he made her feel normal and wonderful. The new information about the slide was a revelation. She had spent so many years with ill-harbored feelings toward Harry. It seemed wasteful after last night. He was kind, understanding, attractive—

She was not in love with him.

She couldn’t be, right?

He was annoying. Even if he wasn’t whispering about her, he was still making her feel grumpy. The constant gag gifts and deliveries were vexing beyond compare.

But those dimples when he smiled? They could undo all those negative emotions she felt. She was certain that there was some pheromone or chemical released in the air when he smiled. One that made her mind momentarily forget that he had been the cause of the slide thing.

However, that wasn’t true anymore.

So...

No. It’s like meeting someone for the first time. You don’t love him.

Not when he called her beautiful or lovie. Not when he openly flirted with her or held her against his warm body in the middle of the night and kept the nightmares away. She did not love him.

But maybe she just really, really, really, really, liked him and wanted to spend all her extra time with him now and show him the little shop she found because she smelled three different kinds of soap that she thought he would enjoy.

Obviously, that wasn’t love.

She looked more like some shopping bag monster than girl, when she made her way into the hotel elevator. Harry was already in the room when she got back. “Have fun?” He asked, putting the new file he brought with him and his pencil aside. His smile was so bright she really wondered how she could have ignored him for so long.

“Did…you catch up with your friend?” She asked. She was gone for almost three hours, she worried that she would come back to find Harry with someone, or someone in the shower...

Or in our bed. One part of her mind was grumpy at the thought. Not our bed. The one brain cell left on the rational side of her mind shouted back.

Harry began untangling her wrists and fingers from the bags she held while her brain had its own conversation. The bags left angry red marks on her skin. He nodded, placing the bags on the floor. “Yeah, jus’ had a quick stop at the pub for a drink,” he gently massaged the inside of her wrists. “I missed you,” he said cutely. She stared at him almost suspiciously. Like maybe all of this was a trick. Her distrust seemed palpable because he frowned. “I did, beautiful. Really missed you,” he brought her wrist to his lips and pressed a kiss on the soft inside skin. She missed him too. Even before she went to the shops, she was dreading leaving his side, but she wouldn’t tell him that. Her face must have softened a bit because the left side of his face turned up in a gorgeous half smile. It made her wonder how Harry had decided on editing and publishing and not modeling. “Would y’like t’get dinner with me?” He asked.

“Like a date?” She blurted out before she could stop herself.

“Yes, lovie. Like a date,” he rolled his eyes.

She frowned. “I don’t really have anything...date-worthy to wear.”

“Well, y’could go naked, but they might throw y’out.”

“Shut. Up.”

“Y’look beautiful now. I’d take y’out in the sexy pajamas y’wore last night.”

She wondered briefly if Harry had ever been hit in the head over the years and suffered irrevocable brain damage. “Sexy?”

“Your leggings?” He smiled mischievously. “M’almost jealous of ‘em touching all of your legs.”

Definitely hit in the head.

“Can I just...have a few minutes to touch up?” She asked, ignoring his comment.

“Course, beautiful. Not that y’need it.” He was good. She would give him that. He was very good at making her feel gooey and pretty. Harry said all the right flirty things. Dinner would be fun, and she was quite hungry.

She exited the bathroom after touching up her makeup and switching out her casual business blouse for a tank top with a cardigan. She swapped her slacks for a pair of jeans. The flats she wore stayed to complete her outfit.

“Will you marry me?” He sighed dreamily as she exited the bathroom.

He was going to give her an aneurysm.

“Shut up, Harry.”

“Ve’been waiting for this date for...” he smiled. “Oh, I don’t know, lovie. Least since university.”

Harry had to have a death wish. “You’ve...liked me? Even though I was mean to you?”

“A glutton for punishment, as it were,” he winked bringing her words back.

She grabbed her little cross body bag and Harry followed her out their hotel room door. Since the slide incident, she had been to at least four different therapists to help alleviate the worry and fear she had. In all honesty, she was much better than she used to be. The airplane was a little daunting during takeoff but that could have been due to a fear of flying, not claustrophobia. Her small attic or the cramped closet in the hall of her place didn’t bother her any longer. Being on a train in public transport rush hour—even when the train came to a standstill in the middle of the dark tunnel—didn’t really bother her anymore. It was only when her face was covered for too long without her ability to get out quickly, sleeping, plagued with nightmares, or swaddled in her blankets too tightly that she felt the waves of anxiety suffocating her like that day on the slide.

Or when the elevator clanged to a stop and jolted her so hard, she nearly fell into Harry.

It was three seconds of pure silence before she realized what happened. Before Harry realized.

“Shit.” Harry whispered.

“Oh no,” her pulse quickened. Her head started to ache, and it felt like the elevator was suddenly the size of an Amazon box and she was crammed inside. It took her a moment to realize the wheezing was coming from her.

“Hey, hey,” Harry quickly grabbed her shoulders. Her eyes welled with tears, and she was heaving on her breath. One of his hands reached for the emergency button causing a monotone ring to take over all sounds in the small space; the volume was louder than her heavy breathing. “Lovie, tell me what t’do,” he begged. “M’sorry,” he whispered. She felt lightheaded and scared. So scared she obviously was having trouble breathing. She worried that she would pass out right into Harry’s arms.

“M’scared,” she croaked.

“I know, beautiful,” he squeezed her shoulders. He held her away at arm’s length afraid to bring her closer in case it would make matters worse. All he wanted to do was wrap her close and console her. “But...s’okay,” he promised. “Really, s’okay.” It wasn’t; he wasn’t trying to make light of her fear either. He knew how bad it was because he had spent the last twenty years waiting for this moment. For her to say she didn’t hate him. For the last ten, he longed for a date. One measly dinner to change her mind. But the broken elevator was going to ruin it all. Honestly, that didn’t even matter to him. All of it didn’t matter. He had to try something to ease her worry. Something to help her scared mind. “I would never let anything happen t’you. Would never let anything hurt you,” he was gazing right into her eyes. He definitely didn’t cure her, but she could feel how devastated Harry felt. He meant it; he wouldn’t let anything harm her as much as he could possibly control. “Deep breaths? Does that help?” He asked. She nodded. She tried but it was hard, the air she sucked in and released was shaky and not very deep. It was hard to think about breathing deeply when all she could think about was dying in this tin box. “Easy, lovie. S’okay,” he squeezed her shoulders again.

The alarm was plain on his face, and she wondered if he wanted to hold her. She wanted to be held but wasn’t sure it would work. Her stomach felt so knotted. Thought maybe she would throw up and she couldn’t imagine a worse first date with Harry than throwing up in an enclosed space. She sank to the floor, her legs scrunched up so she could rest her forehead against her knees. Harry crouched in front of her, clearly still nervous and unsure of what to do. The one part of her brain that still had some rational thought left thought it was a travesty that she would lose Harry from this. She thought if she made it out, she would have to just go home. She couldn’t share a bed with him.

“They’re probably getting someone t’help right now, beautiful. S’okay,” he placed his hands on her ankles. It seemed like the safest option. He was so mortified this happened. To her of all people. The ringing of the elevator seemed to die down with the ringing in her ears. “Lovie?” He asked; he felt anxious that she was breathing so hard. She looked at him, her vision blurred by the tears. “Tell me what t’do,” he begged. He felt so useless. So worried that she was going to pass out or have a meltdown that she would inextricably link to him and never forgive him. After he just made some progress.

He thought about her six-year-old self. Trapped in that slide, her little brain all terrified. He wondered if that little version of herself still existed inside her. It hurt him to think about that poor little girl scared to pieces. He leaned forward and pressed his lips on her forehead and kept pressed there for a moment. That moment in time seemed to stretch on for eternity. But, as he kept his lips on her skin, he noticed her breathing slowly calmed. Her muscles seemed to relax.

“That feels nice,” she murmured almost serenely. He smirked against her skin. Slowly, he pulled away. Her eyes watched Harry with worry, but he slid beside her before he moved too far away. The shaky breathing picked up just a little. Her heart still fluttered with anxiety. She rested her cheek on her knee facing him.

“I...I could...do it again if y’want. If y’think it would help,” he suggested, turning toward her a little more head on. She lifted her head, it felt so achy and heavy. Harry cupped her face and pressed his lips on her skin again. She sighed softly. The ache seemed to ease at his touch.

Ugh. Harry was medicine that she didn’t know she needed. He dragged his lips across her skin, peppering her hairline with soft little presses. She wondered if he would always be this gentle with her.

She still wasn’t sure how she felt about her mind thinking about things like always with Harry. She was fairly certain she would die of humiliation the moment her brain returned to normal once they got off the elevator. There wouldn’t be an always after this. Harry would think she was nuts or ridiculous. There wouldn’t even be a sometimes.

 “Are y’okay, lovie?” He hummed against her skin. “As y’can be right now?”

She nodded, feeling utterly safe with Harry beside her. She enjoyed the way his hands felt on her skin. His lips on her face. It was too bad she didn’t know all these years he had nothing to do with her childhood trauma. She thought she really could be in love with him.

*

It took an hour, but they were finally freed of the metal tin. The moment she had fresh air, she felt infinitely better. Harry could see it on her face and in her body language. She was entirely at ease. Back to normal. After a flurry of questions and the hotel offering a few extra nights, they left for a nearby restaurant. Harry held her hand, fingers twisted together. He didn’t say much, because he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say after that. He knew she had to have felt so exposed and vulnerable.

“We...don’t have to go out, if you don’t want,” she mumbled.

Harry frowned and stopped the pair of them in the middle of the sidewalk. “Do y’want t’go back?” He asked.

She bit the inside of her lip. “I’m sorry.”

He blinked in surprise. “For what, beautiful?”

“For being crazy?” Did he forget what just happened?

“Crazy?” He repeated in surprise. “Lovie, s’not your fault. M’glad you’re okay.”

“You’re not...you don’t think I’m...weird?”

His heart felt such sadness for her. “No, lovie. Course not. Think you’re lovely. I was so scared y’were going to hurt yourself in all the worry. M’so glad you’re okay. M’sorry y’had to—why are y’crying, beautiful? Are you alright?” He asked, her eyes spilling with tears. He thought he might cry right with her. Harry had a good six or seven inches on her and he bent his knees a bit so he could be eyelevel with her teary gaze. His hands cupped her face just like on the elevator and he looked pained that she was crying.

She shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t know why she was apologizing. But he let her and pulled her toward him, careful not to cover her face with his embrace. She sobbed into his chest. Harry kissed the top of her head. “S’okay, beautiful. Don’t know why you’re apologizing. But s’okay.”

It felt so embarrassingly awful that she and Harry would never be.

*

They ordered takeout, had a drink while they waited—barely speaking as they did, and headed back to the hotel. Of course, they took the stairs. She didn’t even feel like eating as she sat across from Harry on the balcony. He ate his veggie stir fry quietly while she poked at the pasta in her takeout box. “That’s pasta, you remember?” He smirked at her. “You’re supposed t’eat it,” he encouraged. Trying to joke so she would feel a little better.

She couldn’t even muster an eye roll for him. Ending before they started...after a whirlwind of one night and day of the convention seemed utterly unfair.

“Lovie?” He asked quietly. She didn’t respond. She was worried she would cry. “Beautiful,” he murmured setting his food aside, crouched beside her seat and pushed her food to the side as well.

“I...I think I really like you,” she whispered.

He smiled. “Well finally, lovie. But y’don’t have t’cry ‘bout it, m’right here,” he gave her knee a gentle squeeze. Like he was consoling her.

She shook her head. “S’not fair to you or all that time I wasted. And I’m so weird.”

“You’re not weird, lovie,” he promised.

“Yes, I am, Harry.”

He shook his head. “Y’seriously going t’continue pushing me away when m’literally on my knees in front of you, beautiful? I don’t care if y’weird or not. I don’t care if y’cry on elevators or if y’sing in the shower. You’re m’favorite person t’annoy and I want t’do it, knowing I can kiss you after every joke,” he looked up at her eyes from his crouched position. “Y’don’t have t’waste any more time, lovie. M’right here.”

She bit the inside of her cheek, worried she was going to say no or something just because she was so nervous about all of it. It was twenty years of disliking Harry (well, not really, but yes really). That was twenty years of hating small spaces of getting nervous in crowds and explaining to boyfriends that she couldn’t attend some events even when she wanted to.

But Harry didn’t care.

And she believed him.

She should have begged him to leave her alone because it wasn’t fair to him, and she truly believed that. Harry was so much kinder than she ever, ever imagined. Now he was right, of course. He was right here. Right in front of her. Literally on his knees telling her he wanted her. Despite everything. So instead of opening her mouth where she might say no, she nodded slowly.

He sighed with relief and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her toward him. He carefully squeezed her rubbing his hand up and down her back so soothingly she wanted to cry some more. Harry had the gentlest touch, and it was melting her—inside and out. She sighed into his chest, arms wrapping back around him. She even pressed her face right into his T-shirt and didn’t feel the creeping sensation of doom surrounding her. Instead, all she could smell was the scent of Harry’s laundry detergent and the very essence of Harry.

“Thank you, beautiful,” he sighed into the top of her hair, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. He pushed her away from his body but kept her in between his arms. He really loved touching her face. “Can’t wait t’join you in the shower, now,” he winked.

She rolled her eyes. He wasn’t going to quit, that much was certain. “You should be better than that detachable shower head,” she murmured.

He stared at her fully for at least half a minute, unable to speak. He cleared his throat after what seemed like a lifetime and then kissed the center of her forehead followed by the tip of her nose. Right before he kissed her lips for the first time in their lives, he whispered, “that I have t’see, lovie.”

--

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[ukranianacearo]

"Mother", a strong word

Part 1 Part 3

Fem!Reader

Word count: 558

Mentions of Innocent zero's original name

TW: mention of [Y/N]

Pairing: romantically none, but reader had to marry Innocent zero

Tag: @makima1345

Genre: fluff I guess

Author's note: It's preferably to read part 1 first, because most of the lore is already explained there and I'm not a parrot to repeat it all over again. Someone wanted a part 2 so here it is😭 probably will write mash x reader fanfic soon, (probably gn or fem) and reader will have the same powers as here and a similar background, I think

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The room was in complete silence. Which was awkward. You were sitting in the nursery's bed, your back against the headboard of the bed. Mash, who just came in, was standing in front of the bed's feet. Never you would think that it would be so awkward to talk to your own son, but here you are.

- "Um, hello, Mash. I'm [Y/N], your biological mother. You can call me whatever you're comfortable with. Also, sorry for letting Cyril, I mean, Innocent zero hunt you down for sport and almost kill you and your loved ones. Please, sit down. " - Saying that you patted the chair next to the bed you're sitting on.

- "M'kay." - This was getting really awkward. You didn't know what to say, but still tried to act calm. - "Why did you join him in the first place?" - You didn't expect such a question from him. Although, maybe you did. It wasn't too surprising after all.

- "To secure my own survival." - Your answer was in a soft voice, just like a mother's one should be. Mash was silent for a few moments, seemingly thinking about your answer. Then, he replied.

- "Didn't you have another choice? I heard people liked you back then." - You laughed lightheartedly at his words; he really didn't know as much as you thought. At first, you thought that Wahlberg or someone else told him about your persona, about how you are such a bad, lying, manipulative witch. But even if someone did, Mash seemed unbothered.

- "Silly, they didn't like me as a person. They liked what they say, what I gave them, what I showed them; they liked the happy and positive mage not the torn out lack magic who all can do is steal magic and throw punches. Innocent zero knew me, the actor, and not the character of the play. While he didn't plan to reveal it, enjoying the show too much, he also wouldn't try to help me in a dire situation unless I helped him." - You said calmly with a soft smile. He seemed to process the information, but there was some sort of lag in his brain halfway through. Before you could explain it again in simpler terms, someone barged into the room. It was a young boy, the same age as Mash, with pink hair and pink dull eyes. You knew it was Domina from the pink necklace, very similar to your own necklaces in design, around his neck. Domina looked agitated, as if he just run a marathon; he looked distressed and as if looking for something. When he finally spotted you sitting on the bed with Mash by your sight he had a complicated expression on his face. It revealed relief, doubt, nervousness, excitement and much more. He started slowly walking towards the bed you were sitting on and Mash seemed calm at his appearance.

- "Oh, hi Domina." - Mash said casually as he looked at Domina who stood already next to the bed, probably on the verge of tears as you looked at him with soft eyes and a smile, just like a mother should. It was the first time he felt so loved even without knowing the person personally well. You guys really had a whole bunch to talk about...

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I'm sorry it's so short compared to the first part, but I just couldn't wrap my head about how would Mash react😔 maybe, I'll do headcanons, like, post-""Mother", a strong word" but idk. Hope you enjoyed and take care of yourself! <3

[moodymisty]

mkay so I have 2 Warhammer ideas? requests? sticking in my head that I can't decide on one so I'll throw both out there and you can pick one (or neither since I already threw a request at ya lol) to chew on. also a lot of my lore knowledge comes from the wiki and lore vids so sorry if I get things wrong.

first, if I'm remembering right you've said that the blood angels get a smidge yandere over Sanguinius' partner. so I'm thinking, how the hell would they act towards them after ol Sangy gets murderized by Horus? what about the black rage? would they recognize them? maybe her being present around a raging blood angel somehow makes them even more feral, desperate to protect them from "Horus". or maybe it helps mellow them out, can't decide which I like better lol. also what if she's pregnant or has had Sanguinius' kid? idk just poor grieving widow surrounded by these also grieving giants who mean well but are kinda unhinged lol.

OR maybe some thoughts/ headcanons for your blorbo Sevatar lol. I don't know much about atm but reading the little thing you made of him made me think he's like one of those boys who picks on the girl he likes but heaven forbid someone else tries to pick on them.

[ 𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖞'𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕬𝖔3 ]

Author's Note: I know you said do one, but I'ma do both. Keep an eye out for the Sevatar one soon. I'm not going to pass up a chance to write about not only my crazy husband Sevatar, but also my yandere vamp boys. I really like both ideas of Sangy's lover either mellowing them out or making it worse. I chose that it's made worse in this snippet however. There's other yandere tendencies I could get into, but I decided to primarily do black rage stuff here. I hope you enjoy.

Summary: Guilliman visits the lover of Sanguinius for the first time since the Heresy reached it's murderous apex.

Relationships: Sanguinius/Fem!Reader (no pronouns just the title 'legion mother')

Warnings: Major Character Death technically, Sanguinius haunts the plot because that's what he do, Increasingly yandere Blood Angels

Word Count: 1116

It will have been the first time since the Siege that Guilliman has laid eyes on the Legion Mother of the Blood Angels.

He boarded the Red Tear with a small gathering of Ultramarines, though when he reaches the entrance of the room he's due to meet you in, he turns to his lieutenant and speaks.

"Stay out here."

The Lieutenant instantly begins to put up resistance, standing up even more rigid than he already had. His helmet is off, hanging on is belt and showing slight disbelief on his face.

"But My Lord, I-" Guilliman cuts him off.

"I am not going to bring a small army of Astartes to speak to a widow in mourning." He takes a breath and calms himself. "If I have need of you, you will know."

The marine quiets, and then the Primarch enters the room. The door closes right behind him, and two Blood Angels part for him; They had clearly been guarding the interior of the entrance. In the middle of the large room is you- in front of a massive table of maps and parchments, separating you and him.

"This is a surprise, Primarch Guilliman." You look up at him from across the room as he steps closer. This room was designed with Astartes and Primarchs in mind, so his height fits quite comfortably.

"Do you have need of the Blood Angels?"

You speak proper and polite, but not cold; It's a behavior that reminds him of Sanguinius, and for a moment he wonders if the Primarch had ever prepared you had you needed to ever command his legion.

Guilliman notices a well armored captain at your immediate left, and a few other Blood Angels standing guard in the room. More than he would've put in a room this size, though he thinks that perhaps it hadn't been your idea, judging by the captain's face. He looks across at you.

You look terribly, horribly lost. A young woman with her lover dead, thrust into a leading mantel of a legion in mourning. Belarius is serving as the Chapter Master of the Blood Angels now, but even he still looks to you as if you're an extension of Sanguinius. Something more.

He doesn't envy your position. For once he might see himself almost more fortunate than you; As despite circumstances, he has the genes of his creation assisting him, you do not; You were not make for the role cast upon you.

The Blood Angels standing guard are tense- unbelievably so. Guilliman suspects if he made even a somewhat fast movement, they'd have their bolters all pointed his way.

The weight of Sanguinius' death has weighed heavy on you all. All of you live in mourning. That drive in them now channels fully to making sure their Primarch's beloved stays alive.

"I wished to give you my condolences before you return to Baal."

You smile at him, weak, before it fades a bit as you loose yourself in thought. Then, you turn to your men.

"Leave us alone for a moment, if you will." The captain at your side speaks up. You shush him before he has a chance to say much of anything on the matter, and Guilliman suspects that this isn't the first time. You've clearly been growing frustrated at their obsessiveness already; You wish to mourn in peace, but this is how the Blood Angels have decided to.

"It will only be for a moment. I am sure nothing will happen in the ten minutes I would like to have a conversation without eight other pairs of ears listening." He can hear the strain of irritation and sleep deprivation in your voice. He moves to take his final strides closer and come fully up to the table that stands between you.

One step away however, he stops.

In the corner of Guilliman's eye, he notices in the back of the room that one Blood Angel turns rigid. With how tense his neck and jaw is it's like he's gritting his teeth into dust. He makes a move closer, his hand slipping down the barrel of his bolter towards the trigger-

Guilliman can't see a thing but rage in his eyes.

His own hand twitches in preparation, but the marine's partner in guard roughly grabs his pauldron. He whispers something the Primarch can't hear. As they all move to leave, it almost looks like he's dragging him out. Guilliman notices you watching the scene with a particular look on your face. Like you've seen it before, and you're unsurprised but displeased to see it again.

When they're all out of the room, his posture relaxes ever so slightly. As much as it can in his armor, at least.

"Thank you for visiting, Guilliman, but it wasn't needed. I'm sure you have many other duties to attend to." You smile, but it's forced. He's familiar with the gesture.

"The Ultramarines are always occupied. However I still wish you a safe journey." The smile on your face becomes a bit more sincere.

"Thank you. And I'll be sure to think of the Ultramarines have I any need of assistance." Guilliman has had nothing but respect for the Blood Angels, and a request of yours would be one he would consider.

"Very well. Do take care of yourself."

Guilliman wants to say something about Sanguinius, but he can't bring himself to. instead he gives you a nod, and turns away to leave. He does so silent other than the sound of his footfall, and you're left alone in the room. But only for a moment. Your captain that was here previously enters not long after he leaves, standing in front of you. Rubbing your tired eyes, you look up at him.

"How is he?"

You say in reference to the Blood Angel who'd snarled and almost attacked Guilliman moments ago. The captain shakes his head.

"Not well. He is just barely holding onto his sanity. He'll be in Death Company post haste." You sigh.

"Did any of the Ultramarines see?" Much to your relief, the captain once again shakes his head.

"No. We barely got him out of earshot before he started yelling about saving Primarch Sanguinius and you from the Arch Traitor."

Arch Traitor. How quickly everyone has begun refusing to even utter Horus' name.

You nod to the captain in thanks for his quick reactions in the matter, your face tired. Sleep has been a rarity; You feel sick, and mourning isn't an emotion that welcomes rest.

And no one can know about the Rage, or the Thirst. You suppose that's your duty now. You just hope you can hide it as well as Sanguinius had.

[ping-ski]

AAAAAAHHH HI! First off, can I just say I LOVE your artsyle and especially your Eclipse design? The party hat instead of Moon's nightcap is so cute :D

OK so a few questions-

Can I ask for a general synopsis of your au? You made a Y/N design for both the daycare and the theater, so it's safe to assume this is before SB? (Unless if this is just a Daycare AU not in SB-) ^w^

Also, since there's a Y/N, is this au gonna be romantic? (Who do we get to kiss first?) Platonic? <3

uwaaaa thank you!!! i think the party hat adds more whimsy!! now to answer your questions...

✦ "Can I ask for a general synopsis of your au? You made a Y/N design for both the daycare and the theater, so it's safe to assume this is before SB? (Unless if this is just a Daycare AU not in SB-) ^w^"

✿ I'm not really great at writing like AT ALL, but I plan to start a fic for EBY, so IDK how much I'll share? The intention is for it to be a loose SB au of sorts? I say loose because it's purely driven by headcanon and just self-insert scenarios I wrote for myself in my notes app before I really got "into" the DCA sub fandom. I literally was daydreaming just from gameplay and voicelines alone it was BAD lmao. The "lore" per say isn't very concrete, I'm well aware, I just want to kiss these damn robots. (It's very self indulgent and that's not everybody's cup of tea- I totally get it.) I WILL, however, give you this blurb from an old draft! ✿ I do have to note, I've changed a lot since the drafts and still continuously scramble stuff around so this may not even be applicable or accurate to whatever the current state of EBY is haha (I'm so sorry-)

It's not ideal, but you've been working part-time in the Fazbear Theater for the past few months since the Pizza Plex's 1 year anniversary. This is just a temporary gig until you can land your dream job! You need to hold out until you finish the training program and get the last of the required certifications. For a temp job, at least it isn't boring! You work along side the Faztheater's mascot, Eclipse! With his antics, paired with the daily tasks of helping run a movie theater, the days never seem to be dull. That being said, the theater hasn't been performing well lately. You've got a strong work ethic, but that isn't enough for repeat customers nowadays. And while Eclipse is nothing short of talented and a technological marvel, management has been wanting him off-stage more than on. The glamour of the Fazbear Theater has since worn off since the grand opening. You chalk it up to how the theater itself is half-baked and how it's been playing the same screenings of "Pizzaplex exclusive" short films for weeks now while Eclipse is frequently in maintenance. With your luck, this slow spell might just come to an end! Fazbear Entertainment recently released its plans for a new attraction, among many, called the Superstar Daycare! Whether you'll stick around long enough to see any of it is uncertain when an opportunity for a career path you've been working so hard for finally presents itself.

✦ "Also, since there's a Y/N, is this au gonna be romantic? (Who do we get to kiss first?) Platonic? <3"

✿ Now because I am a self-shipper... EBY was def intended to be romantic initially, but I want to believe it can be read as platonic too! We'll see how this changes when I finally get to writing it I suppose lmao.

[plantcrazy]

Reginald Copperbottom & Right Hand Man Re-designs & Update waffle? Character relationship waffel? Idk ^^; This is my last brain cell, school work be holding me hostage (aka. Send help).

Fun fact: I don't think I ever designed my own version of these two. I believe I kinda just adapted some designs by other folks I really liked 3 years back. (Yes, it's been that long. I was surprised, too.)

Here are my updated designs for these two. They're showing their age much better, and Reginald's new hair is much more fitting for a leader. I also LOVE what I did with RHM's proportions, and his hair is much better. I like to think when he was a kid he wanted to grow up to be a cowboy, hence his new design :P

It's pride month, so I thought it'd be on theme to work on developing these two's relationship. I never personally planned one. I just saw what the rest of the fandom was doing and was like, "Oh, that's so cute. I'm jumping on this bandwagon". They haven't had the planning like I've put into Carol & Macbeth. Those two... I dunno what happened with them. 'cause I only know TWO other people who ship 'em and only one of those, and I don't think I knew either of 'em back when I started writing their relationship into Lost children.

ANYWAY!

The stars aligned or something, the plot shoved them together, and... they work. And they're cute ( and I will go down on this ship :P). I know you guys haven't seen much of it, but it's coming; Part 2.

In comparison to those two side-plot hoggers, RHM & Reginald's relationship is... weak. And I feel that comes across in Lost Children, so... yeah. We're fixing that. These two need to be MY cute couple, not someone else who I shoved in my story. Like, my little sister & I have been getting back into our old DS, and I've modded one, and we're trying all these old games we never did like, Ace Attorney. And I love Edgelord -worth & Phoenix Wright. They have... SOMETHING canon, and in fandom they're the cutest thing ever! (That's the long way of saying they're my inspiration goals for RHM & Reginald.)

I've got some notes there for Reginald (, they'll be a readable vs when I polish their designs). I have some ideas for RHM, but I haven't committed them to paper yet.

That being said: I do have one idea I'll share. One I'll just... put out there in the wild...

What if... RHM originally became close to Reginald because he thought he was some he cared about deeply and lost many years ago. However, discovers he isn't this person.

And I dunno, drama happens or something (, maybe Terrence), and RHM learns to love Reginald for who HE is, not the person he thought he was.

I know Macbeth is partly to blame here. I've always had it in the story that HE'S the one to blame for RHM staying in the clan longer than he planned (and getting to know Reginald). Those two have an interesting friendship (if you can call it that), given RHM kinda has Macbeth at gunpoint till he's dead...

Side tracking. Anyway...

I don't have anything else to say.

I have so much schoolwork due in a short period of time; it sucks. I don't have time to work on anything else, but I wanted to put something out, so sketches it is!

Also.

This whole month is going to be a right-off for progress on anything not school related. The Next Chapter of Lost Children won't be till July.

Sorry >>

[justmossyall]

depression hacks masterpost

these are things that will help with mental illness that aren't 'go outside, drink water, and everything will be fine!!!1!!!11!1!11!' those are good fs but they don't work on their own. these will actually help in one way or another :)

hell yeah let's go

open your windows. the fresh air and sunlight will do you good and it takes like 5 seconds.

go buy some plants, there are like a gazillion that are next to impossible to kill. and don't come at me with 'ohhh I'll probably find a way hahaha" NO. the plants will be so helpful! they produce oxygen, bring nature indoors which psychologically improves your mental state, and they're just nice to look at! you can name them! sculpt and/or paint little pots for them!

STOP LISTENING TO SAD MUSIC. I cannot stress this enough. it just makes things worse. please stop. make a playlist of all your favorite stupid, happy, pump-up songs and listen to them all the time until they get annoying. then repeat!

acquire a gazillion stuffed animals. so much serotonin for such a small price

get a water bottle and put fun stickers on it, and designate that water bottle to be only for water. nothing else goes in it. that way you can drink out of it for kind of a long time before needing to wash it. keep it filled with water and actually drink out of it. drink as much water as you can, all the time.

chew gum! idk why but it works bro. especially watermelon.

hug people and ask people to hug you. hugs are so amazing it's like pure happiness but with the added perk of Deep Pressure. it can be from your friends, family, s/o, whoever.

make sure there's a lot of light in your room. not good to wallow in darkness. put up fairy lights, get fun lamps, light candles, keep your blinds open, etc.

dress like how you want to feel. be colorful, fun, and comfortable. don't wear hoodies, sweatpants and ratty old shoes, I know it's appealing but it's just going to keep you in that depressed state. I like to wear dresses, colorful jeans, graphic tees from 5-Below, combat boots, and lots of funky earrings. (seriously 5-Below is a lifesaver for literally anything!!!) you can get a lot of these things for super cheap - I got a 20 pack of fun earrings like duckies, mushrooms, mini water bottles, etc. for like $11, and a lot of my colorful jeans are like 6 bucks at the thrift store. whatever your style is or whatever you want it to be, work to make that happen. because getting dressed is one of the simplest things you'll do in a day, so why not make the most of it?

doodle. it's fun and simple, and it'll give your hands something to do other than pick at your skin if you do that kind of stuff (see below).

on a similar note, make art!!!!! it doesn't have to be good!!!!!! just make art all the time, as often as you can. write crappy fanfiction. make friendship bracelets. sculpt a funky lil cat. draw your comfort characters. art is so healing and it will do wonders for you. even just like run your hands through a giant bag of beads like I do :P

get fidgets and bring them everywhere with you. this is more of an anxiety/stimming thing for me but I pick at my fingers, lips, pimples, eyebrows, etc., and it hurts a lot and will probably leave scars. fidgets are just amazing. I'm partial to tangles and infinity cubes :) gum and chewelry are good for this as well (for when I bite my fingers/clothes or chew the skin off my lips)

if you find yourself with a whole day with nothing to do and you don't have the energy to get up and do anything, go to the park. bring a blanket, some snacks, and headphones, and just lay there and listen to music. sleep. watch youtube. literally anything you would normally do when you don't have energy, except it's outside in the sun and grass and nature around other people who are doing the same thing! 10/10

get a pet if you can. even just fish, but really a fluffy, snuggly animal is probably best such as a dog or cat. OH MY GOD THEY HELP SO MUCH. ANIMALS ARE MAGIC. I don't think I've ever been sad while holding or petting my grandma's dog. (our family doesn't have one right now lol)

spray perfume/body spray on you. faster and easier than deodorant and it usually smells better

if you're gonna scroll, scroll pinterest. honestly, it's probably best to get rid of things like tiktok and snapchat, but that's kinda unrealistic for most people so I get it <3 pinterest is probably gonna be better than other social media cause it's more creative?? if you know what I mean?? and usually it's reading things and not mindlessly watching videos

if you don't have the energy to do stuff with your hair, put it up in a bun! fast simple and easy. takes like 5 seconds, even for someone with super thick curly hair like me. (or cut it short! but most of us aren't brave enough to do that lol)

eat fruit. sweet and comforting, but healthy!! so much better for you than junk food, and honestly it tastes better most of the time too. I recommend strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, watermelon, and cantaloupe. easy to take with you on the go and sooooo good <333

play calming video games such as animal crossing, minecraft, stardew valley, cats with soup (if you're into mobile games), etc. puzzle games are good too! if you want something more combat-y, I would recommend the zelda games or forager. still chill and mellow but has more combat and story/lore

garden if you can. I know this kind of ties in with having plants in your room, but if you're able and you have the energy, keep a flower and/or vegetable garden. there's something so beautiful in putting your hands in the warm dirt, smelling your freshly-planted flowers, eating sun-infused vegetables that taste infinitely better than store-bought. it's so nice, but I know it's not for everyone so don't worry about it if you don't get around to it <3

sleep in the bus/car on the way to school if you're tired. not a perfect solution but better than falling asleep in class

inhale through your nose, not your mouth. it's better for your lungs and you'll get better air quality that way. it also helps calm you better than mouth breathing, and you can't exactly smell the fresh air through your mouth :P

read. sit down and read a book. carry one with you wherever you go. spend a weekend day in the library with a huge stack of books just reading. it's so calming and helps stimulate your brain. doesn't matter what you read as long as it's making you happy :)

surround yourself with color, not dark drab colors. hang up art and posters on your walls, get bright blankets and pillows, lay out a tiny lil carpet, make bead curtains and string them up on your curtain rod, set out little figurines/sculptures around your room. put color and life everywhere around you, and that will start to seep into your soul.

tea is always good. or if you don't like tea, hot water with lemon juice and honey. basically the same :)

if you ever just don't want to do something, like you just absolutely don't want to get up and do _ thing, think about future you. would they be like "bro thanks so much you really helped me out there" if you did the thing? if yes, then do it, no matter how impossible it seems. you'll thank yourself later.

a statement that is near and dear to my heart: if you feel like everyone hates you, sleep. if you feel like you hate everyone, eat. if you feel like you hate yourself, shower.

NO MORE SU!C!DE JOKES. ever. the end! replace "i'm literally gonna kms" jokes or anything along those lines with "i'm literally gonna flop to the floor" or "i'm literally gonna go ham bananas on this place" or whatever wild bullshit pops into your brain.

watch studio ghibli movies. the most amazing things to ever exist. I have never felt sad while watching a ghibli movie. they are basically the definition of peace.

take a bubble bath!!!!! :D

making your bed helps for some reason??? why, I have no idea. but it does bro

get excited about things. smile when you hear your favorite song. hug your amazon package when it comes in. count down the days until a holiday. laugh with joy when you have an amazing day. it makes things so much better.

an important addition: bring snacks everywhere

that's all for now, lmk if you have anything else to add!!! love you guys, I promise it gets better <3

[sugar-omi]

omg idk if u do nsfw request but could you like write jealous cove x fem reader nsfw? i think cove isn’t the type to feel possessively jealous but there’s times he can’t let it go but it’s not a like “your mine!!” type possessive more like a “im yours!!” possessive? IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE SORRY

DW IT MAKES A LOTTA SENSE N I AGREE W EVERYTHING U JUST SAID!! i hope i lived up to your rq 🙏🙏 i enjoyed writing this sm

tags : NSFW, fem reader, jealous cove, service top cove, hand jobs, penetration, between step 3 and 4, you are in college, mention of wanting to marry you

(mentions step 3 "happiness" moment and you getting upset when cove doubted you'd still be together at the end of summer in step 3.

also i'm thinking abt the patreon moment n how cove likes just a hint of pain n runnning w it, i'll never recover from it!)

synopsis : cove is jealous and worried about you finding another man, so you ease his anxiety.

you have always reassured cove that you love him, that he makes you the happiest girl in the world. you promised him that he doesn't have to do anything special to make you happy, that he alone makes you happy.

cove can't help but feel loved every time he thinks about it. and after you got mad at him for doubting the strength of your relationship, brought to tears by the notion, cove promised himself to never make you cry sad or angry tears ever again if he can help it.

but you're standing there, talking with a classmate of from one of your classes and you're laughing and he's looking at you with one too many hearts in his eyes and a darker voice in the smallest crease of cove's mind wonders if you'd like if he looked like that.

hair styled in a way that was casual but handsome, and a ribbed turtle neck under a cream jacket.

cove quickly dismisses that thought, knowing you prefer him in less layers and that you'd never ask him to change his style unless the weather called for more layers must to his chagrin.

unable to take anymore, broken by the guy putting a hand on your shoulder. cove steps out the car, easily taking long strides and he calls out to you.

"y/n!"

you turn around, happy as a peach to see your boyfriend and cove's heart throbs at how easily you forget about the guy in front of you. "are you ready to go eat? its gonna be lunch rush soon..." cove bites h is lips, wondering if thats a good enough excuse to get you out of this guys reach before he puts too many moves on you.

"yeah, just-" you adjust your backpack straps and turn to address your classmate but you step towards cove, taking his hand in yours. "i gotta go, but you should check the online class board, you can download the notes from there! bye!"

cove pulls you away as you barely finish your greetings, opening the car door for you but he slams his own door and winces but pulls out the lot nonetheless, making the drive back to your shared home.

"cove? what's wrong?" you put your hand on his thigh soothingly but cove just jumps at the sudden touch, his head hits the steering wheel, trying to use the break at the stop light to push away his jealousy.

knowing he can't hide from you, cove address you, looking at you with teary puppy eyes, not wanting to upset you but his heart is in turmoil.. "i'm jealous. i know i shouldn't be but- but! that guy was definitely hitting on you and i know you love me but i'm worried you'll leave me for someone better an-" cove whimpers, blinking his eyes as he focuses on the road again and turns onto your street.

"cove... i'm so sorry baby, i- i didn't even notice he was hitting on me. he was just asking about what he missed during class... if it helps, he's only in my elective class! we're not even in the same major so-"

cove cuts you off, quickly and smoothly parking the car in your designated space. "it's not just him. like.. baxter, or derek. i know we haven't heard from baxter in awhile but he was so smooth and flirty and confident. and derek, well derek is nice and reliable and.. i don't know." cove leans over the console.

"i don't want you to leave me for someone better, i know you said you won't but. i love you so much. i wanna be your's forever, i wanna marry you one day! i love being your boyfriend so much, y/n.." cove frets, pushing his head into your hand when you cup his cheek, fighting tears and failing.

"cove. i love you. you'll always be mine." you kiss his face, hovering over his lips, "you'll always be my special lover boy."

cove purrs, melting into your kiss. when you pull away, cove looks at you with hooded lids, "l-lets go inside..."

you barely make it through the door, your hands running under cove's shirt and he trembles trying to put the key in the door, steadying when you wrap your hand around his and guide him.

when the door unlocks, you pull cove in, kissing his neck as you reach behind him to flip the lock and slip the chain through the track. "y-y/n, ahh.." cove mutters breathlessly, some other words escaping his mouth in a jumbled mess but you hear a stuttered "feels good" and you keep going, pulling him through the house to your bedroom.

on the way, your shoes are left haphazardly in front of the door and a trail of clothes breadcrumb the hallway.

you push cove onto the bed, stepping out of your bottoms and left in just your underwear, you help cove unbutton his shorts, pushing away shaky hands.

you slip off his boxers, deciding to take care of cove while he's still pliable. "shh baby, let me take care of you.." you settle in his lap and cove throws his head back in a shaky moan when your hand wraps around his sensitive cock, stroking him slowly and swiping your skilled hands over his weeping slit, knowing how to work your boyfriend's body in the best ways.

"y/n..." cove whines, bucking his hips into your hand as you grope him through his boxers.

"t-tighter, please.. ah!" cove groans when your hand tightens around his cock the way he likes, feeling a knot build in his abdomen at your increasingly faster strokes. "i'm, i'm close.. mh-" cove gasps, finger tips digging into your hips.

in his lusty haze, cove looks at your bra and works the front clasp the way you showed him. you grin knowingly, enjoying cove's blush as his eyes train on how your breast bounce when the clasp comes undone.

you arch your back, encouraging cove to play with your chest. his lips clasp on your collar bone, nibbling and sucking lightly so as to not leave marks but when you flex your hand around his cock cove bites particularly hard, sure enough to leave a bruise.

something primal inside of him feels pleased at that.

cove shudders, looking up from your chest to meet your eyes. "w-why did you stop?.."

you smile, kissing your lovely boy on the cheek. "don't want you to finish yet." you reach for a condom, urging cove to lean against the pillows.

you're not too worried about stretching yourself as you'd had sex the night before and only applying ample lube for what will definitely be a bit of a long night, thankful your classes are over for the day.

cove takes his place, shaking when you roll the condom over his sensitive cock. you straddle his lap, hands gripping his shoulders as you line him up with your cunt.

you sink onto his cock, moaning sharply when his tip hits your bladder from inside, your cunt sensitive and nearly dripping with your slick.

when you finally take him to the hilt, his cock rubbing all the sensitive spots inside you and reaching deeper than you could ever reach on your own.

cove gasps and holds you tighter when your cunt trembles around him, kissing you as you gently bounce on his lap. "cove, cove..." you mutter, breathless and your eyes water at the sensation of his cock dragging against your gummy walls.

cove grips your hips, grinding your hips together making you moan loudly. "can i.. *swallows* can i move too?"

you nod, whining when cove instantly bucks his hips into yours, taking the lead at your instruction.

you pull cove into a kiss, your tongues dancing together before the kiss turns gentle and loving. breaking away for air, cove trails kisses down your neck as you gasp and moan, his cock hitting your walls in a way that makes you leak with more slick and clench tightly around him.

"i'm gonna cum, fuck please cove! more!"

cove reaches for your clit, his thumb circling your sensitive clit as he brings you over the edge. "i love you y/n, so happy to be yours.. please cum, wanna feel you cum around me." cove whispers sweet and dirty words in your ear, "you feel so good.. ahh fuck, thats it.. agh fuck!"

cove trembles, cumming into the condom as your pussy tightens and your thighs shake on either side of him.

cove collapses into your shoulder, wrapping his arms around you and you both shake in each others embrace.

"i love you." you kiss cove's head, coming down from your orgasm.

cove kisses your neck back, his lips tickle against your sweaty skin as he speaks, "i love you too.."

"cove? what're you-"

you pull yourself off his lap, cove throwing the tied off condom in the trash and before you can get up he pulls you back into his lap.

cove's brilliant blue eyes drill into you, sparking the flames of your heart and your cunt throbs with need. "i still want you.."

you laugh, happily sinking into the bed with cove on top of you.

cove grabs a condom from the open drawer and rolls it over his sensitive but still hard cock, quickly sinking into your warmth.

he moans shakily, drawing his hips back and slamming back into you, your legs wrapped loosely around his waist so he can fuck you and still steal a kiss from you.

cove leans into your neck, his body supported by his forearms but he still looms over you. "i love you.. so happy to be your boyfriend, ngh-.. i-i love belonging to you."

you scratch down cove's back. "you're mine.. ah!" cove picks up the pace, ignited by you agreeing that he's yours.

cove mumbles happily into your neck, most of his chant muffled by his face buried in your neck; sucking marks and hiding at the same time. most of it is moans, but you hear a few "yours.. yours..." among his moans.

cove grunts at the use of the nickname, buoyed to go further and he reaches between your bodies to rub your clit.

feeling that knot in your stomach, you tell cove you're coming. "c-c'mon cove! make me cum, want my sunshine to make me cum!"

you reach orgasm together for the second time, cove dripping sweat onto you.

you both pant, the temperature making you squirm.

cove speaks first, "..i love you, love you so much. i'm sorry i got jealous.."

"its okay cove, if this is how its gonna be you get jealous more often!"

cove groans, embarrassed by your teasing. "carry me to the shower?"

cove pops up, bright like an obedient puppy. "yes!"

[artemisandhersilverbow]

I'm still not over Taylor's Fortnight MV... to say it's my favorite visual work she's done would be an understatement. As with all things on this album, she did her research. Her incredible DP - Rodrigo Prieto - who has shot The Man, Cardigan, and Willow MVs. As well as, Brokeback Mountain, The Barbie Movie, Killer of the Flower Moon, etc.

There are so many ways to parse the story of the Fortnight video, but I will mostly focus on Taylor's use of mirroring to make some of the video's larger points.

I am a queer former film student so I wanna note that that's the bias I'll be writing from. If that disinterests you, no worries! This just may not be for you.

Love that we start with silent film era titles. One is black, one is white, perhaps a ying yang visual or simply representing the original album + the anthology. Could also be the light + dark of her two sides represented by Taylor and Post Malone.

The vertical alignment shift in the word Fortnight is interesting because the other time i noticed her doing this was in the closing poem for TTP with, "Some stars never align." Would be cute to have it like a nod to screenplay scene heading: INT. FORT - NIGHT

We start with Taylor, virtually still, but singing. She's handcuffed to an askew bed frame - sans mattress - with bars resembling a prison/cage.

The mirroring she's doing here is reminding us of "real life" Taylor's outfit at the 2024 Grammy's, but with the addition of white gauzy gloves + garter belt (like on tour), it reads more bridal, more bed sheet. That similar clock necklace is set to, best as I can tell, 9pm.

And she's got enough hairpins to... idk... make me spin out? Her make up evokes a little Clara Bow, Greta Garbo, legends of the silver screen, etc.

Taylor stops lip-syncing. Breaking the fourth wall, with direct eye contact, she's forced a "Forget Him" pill and unshackled from her bed prison. Unlike the next instance we get this match shot, it feels like she's telling the audience she knows we're watching and her look has a "this is what I'm forced to do" anger charged to it.

Also, the pill itself seems to break Taylor's reality from here on out. She "forgets him," but perhaps also becomes a different him herself.

She walks over, in her wacky funhouse of a prison room - skewed angles, upside down doors (those who enter from the left walk on the "ceiling" - to an actual mirror. But this mirror looks more like a one-way mirror. Meaning that the subject can see themselves, but so can others they can't see on the other side. Usually so the subject can be observed.

Still appropriate to break the fourth wall as though we are watching her in a way she can't return.

She wipes her face to reveal Post Malone's tattoos under the veneer of her prerfect facade. Once done, she utters the first "I want to kill her." She wants to "kill" Taylor TM?

I'll basically be going forward assuming that Post Malone is established in this mirror shot as a representation of Taylor, perhaps her True Taylor underneath the engineered perfection. This door/portal splits her in two on entry. From one white-clad figure to two black-clad ones. Kind of like the splitting of a prism.

Instead of exiting this upside down asylum, she goes deep into a department - perhaps the Tortured Poets kind. We get an awesome match cut/panning transition where Grammy dress referential Taylor morphs into a Victorian mourning dress. One very similar to the dresses on stage during Folklore during Eras (at the bottom of post). Perhaps also a nod to Emily Dickinson herself.

The way they design the set to make it so her asylum and office are connected feels like a not so subtle call out on how she feels about her chosen industry. Not quite a cheery take on the Lover House for ex. Time also becomes a little bendy, irrelevant when she does this portal walk.

When she enters she sits at a mirrored desk, morphing into Post Malone's silhouette. To the side we have faceless writers, also dressed in black older fashions, that seem to go on for infinity like a mirror trick.

Taylor sits down to start writing, Post Malone is already typing. They're both in black with embellished collars. We see that she has a top sheet with typed words, but under they're blank. Post has a pile next to him, along with his fountain pen, which perhaps are fully done b/c placement on the other side of him. Their desks are also arranged ever so slightly different. So Post-Taylor is a typing machine, Taylor needs to catch up...

But then Post Malone looks up to create this awesome mirrored match cut.

Taylor and Post-Taylor get to work, singing the chorus, camera cutting on their lines in mirror shots respectively.

We see a typewriter jam the same lines from the song, but specifically "I LOVE YOU." Granted, we can't be 100% sure whose typewriter it is, but we see Taylor type "Love You." Perhaps they're mirroring each other in even this task.

Eventually their stories starts leaking blue and orange/gold ether which prisms out to reveal "The Story of Us."

Really great shot of the infinity vanishing point effect from the unidentified crowd, how they're positioned makes them look like they're mirroring all of us watching/sharing our opinions.

This is where I'll stop for Part 1 because it's not ok how late this album has been keeping me up.

But a couple of things to start:

Taylor using very strong, very consistent mirroring techniques to create distinctions from narrator, character, and audience. Even the music is mirrored in the chorus with Post Malone's repetition.

By both wearing the face tattoos under a perfect exterior (the face we know her by), and immediately separating into two characters - one with her face/gender expression as we know it and Post-Taylor who now wears the face tattoos we just saw/is also sporting the face and gender expression we are familiar with him. It's Taylor TM the Brand vs Hidden (in plain sight) Identity Taylor.

Her typewriter emits an orange/golden glow from all of her repeated "I LOVE YOU'S," while his emits blue. Together they're creating the next story vignette: "The Story of Us."

One basic read for this is that Taylor could be owning her male POVs that come up in her songs (Folklore we're looking at you). Another read I have is that Taylor TM is writing the love song framework expected from her as an artist while Post-Taylor injects the devastation, anger, emotion, the heavy blues we often unearth from a song we originally thought was upbeat, romantic, unassuming. And considering these mirrored halves, I think that aligns with her own messages about her music, that people will always going looking for paternity tests - the publicized romance pulled from what we think we know about her. But perhaps the assumed truths of a song could be, and often are, driven by your gendered expectations - "Girl loves boy, sings about that." The hidden in plain sight Taylor subverts what the surface level shows.

The True Taylor is an unrecognizable author. And that writer is producing the meat of the work.

Additionally, I love that she's wearing a dress that feels taken off the Era's stage.

Folklore in particular was a really different writing era for her. She presented the characters and stories as fiction and all the sudden an unknown male collaborator — William Bowery — gets credited on it. I'd love if the message, in part, was hey I'm actually my own male writing partner. Regardless, her other half/POV was able to allow her to write truths so long as they remained unrecognizable.

But she's wearing the mourning dress, looking over at her hidden true half, looking over anxiously. And then begins to write. They're half the story that makes up the whole, one needing the other to tell the story they want to tell. Perhaps it's a call out to Folklore in particular as a solution to being limited by expectations of her signature diaristic-like songs' perspectives. Using it as a way to tell a version of the truth from a POV society or the powers that be in her life would accept it from — not Taylor TM as she is/who she's known to be.

More generally, the "male pov" and the male pronouns, just seem to be called irrelevant smoking guns in the game of knowing the unknowable - what her work, a lot of her work, is referencing specifically. These two writers, as presented, are still both Taylor. Them's the rules here. Ok, see you in PT. 2!

[cupidjyu]

by my side tonight

juyeon x reader

genre: fluff, flirting-ish, idk rlly its just cute notes: i didn't expect to get this out on christmas eve but maybe you could think of this as a holiday party!! anyways, this is probably one of many drabbles i'll write, so i hope you enjoy! and make sure to enjoy your holidays! &lt;;3 word count: 0.6k

“juyeon,” you nudged him lightly. he turned to you in response. “you can let go of my waist now.”

he furrowed his eyebrows and instead tightened his hold on you, his large hand bringing you closer. his hand was warm even through your seemingly expensive clothes. the two of you were at a fancy event that you were invited to and juyeon insisted on going with you.

“why should i?”

“well-” you looked around. “it’s less crowded so-” 

“but i want to hold you.”

you paused your walking and he followed. you looked up and stared into his eyes. there wasn’t even a bit of amusement in them, as he looked back at you with such a serious gaze.

a few seconds later, you bursted out laughing at his expression.

“if you insist,” you mused.

the two of you continue walking, almost reaching the grand room. he continued to rub circles on your waist.

“have i mentioned how stunning you look tonight?”

you smiled, “hm, let me think.”

you were quiet for a moment, carefully counting the amount of times.

“yes,”  you giggled. “you’ve told me about twelve times, juyeon.”

you could see his cheeks start to turn red at the number as he brought one hand to the back of his neck sheepishly.

“can’t i tell you again?” he asked.

you nodded happily, “anytime!” 

he smiled down at you, his eyes twinkling under the dim lighting and his lips turning up adorably.

the two of you finally arrive at your designated table. just as you were about to sit, you spotted a waiter who seemed to be in a hurry, bumping into juyeon. he apologized profusely, but juyeon being the kind person he is, waved him off.

when juyeon sat next to you, you noticed his styled hair was a bit messed up. you smiled slightly. it made him look like a cat with the strands sticking up like that.

“juyeon.”

“hm?”

“your hair.”

he only blinked at you.

“it’s messed up,” you explained.

“oh really,” he widened his eyes cutely. “where?” he reached his hand up to try to fix it himself. except, juyeon’s always been a clumsy person, so instead he messed it up even more. he looked more like a cat who was… electrocuted. like in those cartoons.

you shook your head, “no wait, ill do it.”

you shifted your chair closer so that your legs were in between his. then, you leaned closer, and with a concentrated face, you gently pulled the strands of hair back to their rightful place. you also brushed it lightly with your fingers to ensure no small pieces stood up anywhere.

you missed the way juyeon was staring at you so, so fondly. his sharp eyes were softened as he gazed at your focused face, your eyebrows furrowed. his eyes moved across each and every one of your features and back up to your lips which were pulled up into a pout. he couldn’t help but chuckle endearingly at you as he waited for you to finish.

“all done,” and you began to move away. but then, you were interrupted when you felt a warm hand on yours. you looked down and there he was, his hand encompassing yours and his fingers intertwining with your fingers. 

you looked up at him, surprised. “juyeon-”

“stay near me,” he mumbled. and then he looked straight into your eyes and gave you the prettiest smile.

you could feel your face heat up as you blinked carefully. and then you relaxed in his hold, as you continued to sit next to him, watching the incoming guests bustle around.

"you're just so beautiful."

"thirteenth time, juyeon."

"stop counting!"

[luffyrose]

Ghost in a Birdcage - DC x DP AU

I got a name for the Au! I am referencing the song Rule #4 Fish in a Birdcage as the title. I thought the song actually fit this whole au pretty well so yeah :D

Anyway, I told y'all I was working on stuff and part of it was this (plus the memes, which I'll share later) as well as thinking of a design for my Danny in this AU. I have a few ideas, but I'll probably work on the story itself before actually solidifying it.

Here's a little bit of sadness and softness from the past in this AU. Idk if this will be put into the main story, but it's just a general short story that is canon for this au.

~~~~~~~

GiaB AU Taglist: @markus209 @olivethetreebitch @chrysanthemum9484 @blackroserelina @avelnfear @edgyboi10000 @lokiaddams @samgirl98 @phoenixdemonqueen @iceknight-of-sun @autumnwulf @chronicallyonline-fandomwh0r3 @thegatorsgoose @nikki-pondtheauthor @jaxinkh @paper-bag-boy @dxrksong @lesling123 @learning-to-fly-on-my-own @gmkelz11

(As a lil side note the tag list is gonna be on any writing I do for this au, if I make other posts about it I'll leave it to the tag for people to find. Not including a link to the Ao3 when I do make the fic or one-shot series itself, taglist will be there too :D)

~~~~~~~

Small sniffles filled the room. Jason's gaze shifted toward his little brother, a frown overtaking the anger that'd been apparent on his own face. Danny, his precious little brother, was laying on the mattress on the ground beside him. Turning and scooting closer, Jason's hand lightly landed atop slightly wet and messy curls.

"Danny, are you feeling better?"

He could see the younger open his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by coughs. Along with the coughs, a loud clattering noise came from the door that had been locked from the outside. Gritting his teeth, the instant yelling from outside telling them to shut up making him look toward the door. Really, almost three years, and Catherine still couldn't accept that a toddler was going to be loud. Danny wasn't even loud on purpose! Huffing in silent rage, Jason's eyes fell back on his little brother.

Danny was staring up at Jay, his eyes wide in slight fear at the yelling, but he knew his brother would protect them. He was very small, almost 4 now according to Jason! But he was also very smart. His brother told him that a lot, especially when he hid away when the yelling or fights started. Danny liked to be smart. He didn't like seeing the other with new injuries though, but Jason let him put bandaids on them, and then he would take them out to the library.

The library was nice.

Catherine, that's what Jason always called the angry lady, didn't like to go in there. She didn't like to go anywhere with them, but Jason liked to take him places so it was okay. They didn't go places when sick though...so why was Jason getting some of his stuff?

"We're gonna go to the library buddy."

Seeing the smile that crossed the kid's face, the tension in his shoulder's loosened, but with the loud rattling of the door and cursing, they were right back to how they were before. Getting up quickly, he shoved what he could into a little bag and helped Danny up, the small boy coughing again.

"CALEB DANIEL TODD I SWEAR WHEN I GET THIS DOOR-"

Jason didn't let Danny hear the rest of it, carefully getting them both out onto the fire escape. He knew Catherine had been...less than ideal. His father was worse. But now with Willis gone, she didn't hold back. Half the time she wasn't home, the other half the time Jason was keeping her away from Danny. Sometimes he wished she just wouldn't come home, or that Danny wouldn't be in danger because she did.

So he made a plan. He was gonna get Danny a better home. A safe one. Except, when he'd gotten sick and wasn't getting better with the cold medicine he stole, Jason's plans didn't matter so much anymore. Danny needed somewhere to get better, but he needed a way to do that first. He'd found a way...though he didn't like it.

Carrying the younger on his back, the backpack slung over his front while a star blanket Jason had actually bought for once was draped over them both. Danny was watching the people they passed by, a small but nervous smile on his face before he inevitably hid his head in the crook of Jason's neck. "Jay Jay..." The elder hummed, feeling the smaller hands tighten for a moment after. "Is Cat-rin gonna be mad at you again?"

Slowing for only a second, Jason scanned the area before looking at his brother. Danny was too smart for his age, and Jason knew it was because of their stupid 'parents'. "She's not gonna have the time to be mad at me..." He trailed off, the lump in his throat stopping him from saying anything else until they were already in front of the Library. Slipping through the door when a young adult couple was leaving, too distracted in their conversation to notice the two poor kids, they made their way to a small dusty nook.

The nook itself was filled with old books that most no one wanted to read, and the librarian who'd seen them reading there tended to leave them be. Setting Danny down, Jason held up a finger, turning to go get some better books from elsewhere. A small sneeze made him chuckle, knowing his little brother hated how dusty it was when they hadn't been back for a while. Slipping through the isles he got himself some bigger books, and a few picture books for Danny. He knew the kid would read one or two before asking for Jason to read him his books, so he'd started picking light-hearted stories or classics whenever the two came.

Making his way back and sitting down, Jason passed the smaller storybook about stars to his brother, watching Danny's expression almost glow at seeing it. At first, Jason let himself be absorbed in his own book, the only thing other than it he paid attention to being the gentle pressure that was Danny leaning against him. It was after a little while that Jason realized Danny hadn't started to bug him like usual. Looking over from his own book, he saw Danny staring at one of the pictures of a constellation.

"Do you wanna learn more about the stars?"

He'd jumped, but Danny had nodded after a moment. Something was bugging him, Jason could tell, but he wasn't about to push it. Instead, he smiled and grabbed one of the nearby books. It was a much older book, more of a journal really, but it held a bunch of sketches of the constellations. So the two sat there, whispering to one another in the privacy of the little nook. Jason was glad he knew some astrology, and Danny was so genuinely amazed, that he could ignore the lingering pain from old injuries that hadn't had time to heal.

Feeling a small tug, Jason looked toward Danny, frowning slightly when he saw small tears. "Jay Jay...are you gonna go somewhere?" He could feel the pit in his stomach knot even more at that, staring for a moment before a wobbly smile tried to cover his face.

"...What?"

A sniffle caused the smile to fall. "Danny, hey, buddy, I'm not going anywhere...I- I'm gonna find somewhere better for you though. Somewhere where you'll get to feel better and not be afraid." Looking down as Danny's small tears covered his face, he gently used his sleeve to wipe them away, knowing he would never have the heart to lie to him. "That's not gonna happen yet though...and when you have a nice home, I'll make sure to visit. We can read and look at constellations too."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'll do everything I can to try and keep that promise, alright?"

"Promises are hard to keep..."

Jason felt a sigh escape his lips, putting the book fully to the side and pulling Danny in for a hug. "They are...but just because they are doesn't mean that I won't try my best." Holding onto the younger, he felt the tears soak through the shirt on his chest, ignoring it. After Danny had stopped crying, he moved the boy back, hands on his shoulders. "If I can't keep my promise, you can get back at me." The small gasp from that made him laugh.

He seemed almost offended that Jason had said such a thing. "I don't wanna!" Jason tried not to laugh more, ruffling the younger's hair. "If you don't" —he was clearly thinking deeply about a suitable punishment— "then you have to help me." A proud smile formed on his face. With a slight smirk, Jason pulled the other back onto laying on his chest.

"Help ya with what?"

"With family."

It was quiet for a moment, Jason's fingers twitching for a moment before he started messing with Danny's hair. "How so little mans?" Danny seemed even more confused, pursing his lips as he kicked his feet some. Watching him with a small smile, Jason couldn't help but think this was the reason he'd survived so long. Danny was the one good thing in his life that had no strings attached. He was fine with that...but he needed Danny to be alright, even if it meant not being right there.

"You gotta help us have a BIIIIGGGG family. With more sib-a-lings!"

There was a snort from the older, ruffling Danny's hair. "You said it wrong you little dingus." Danny's own laughter erupted from him after a moment, swatting Jason's hand away. "But sure. If I break my promise, then I'll help you get a big and nice family." The toddler seemed to absolutely beam at that. "However! I still get to be the best brother-" Danny giggled at that, "and if anything is ever wrong you come to me, no matter what. Alright?"

With a happy nod, Danny's hair was once again ruffled up by Jason, the laughter filling up the small area they were in. Even when a few older ladies glanced over, not a word was spoken to the two. And when the librarian found both boys sleeping...well, if she gently readjusted the blanket they'd brought and let them sleep it was between her and the other librarians.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

TW: Abusive friendships, mental health, emergency services, divorce, crime, substances

Toxic bjd friend anon update.

About 24 hours after my confession, I got fed up and picked a fight. She took the carefully crafted bait and ended up disowning me. Which was great, because idk what I would have done if she hadn't. I'm free! She still thinks it's her idea that she's out of my life, so she's left me alone. Turns out I have screenshots of her admitting to a felony. And a misdemeanor. Sadly the really good felony confession was an in person only event and the government already decided not to deal with that circus. (Felony under civilian law where we live, but military caught her. Victim didn't press charges and she claimed someone else did it.) If she tries to blackmail me, I can complicate things for her both crimally and civily. A few screenshots to the exhusband in progress (who's a disgrace of a human being, but legally the victim this time and trying to divorce her) and a report to a certain state agency, and her career is over. I didn't believe it then due to circumstances, but it lines up too well now. IDK if it's totally true, but the idiot did put in writing herself. If needed, I get along great with my local PD, in particular an officer who's dealt with similar idiocy before. My only regret is not lobbing a few insults back before we blocked each other. Sadly all the good responses occured to me the next morning and it helped the illusion. I did leave her a note thanking her for the trauma when I dropped off some stuff she'd left with me and kept a photo of it in case she tried anything. She's out of town so there's an enforced chill out period before we have to be near each other again. She's blocked so no more suicide attempts for dramatics. We called 911 on her the last time and even the cops didn't believe her- cancelled the ambulance and no involuntary holds, or even a warning for the self confessed drug DUI. Points for not traumating her farther, I guess? As long as I stay unreachable, it's not going to happen due to me or not my problem anymore. She has other friends now to traumatize. Notably, the only ones left are enablers/in love with her and us disowned folks stood up to her. 

I've got the energy to play with my dolls again and I'm making up for lost time. A doll clothing preorder happened to arrive a few days after this all went down, so there's been a lot of dressup. I'm customizing a playline doll into a character I've dreamed of for ages. Another bjd is finally getting some photography practice and I'm figuring out what I'm planning for the design of another. I'm starting to be able to focus long enough to do longer projects again, so hopefully I can get some clothes done. There's a backlog of things I really want to do but just couldn't. Not laziness- I would forget mid-stitch what I was doing or lose track of goals the second I tried to cut my fabric, even with a reference. Literally couldn't picture the next step or remember how to get there. I finally got my disaster of a bedroom cleaned for the first time in months, so the dolls have a nice place to be displayed. Physical health issues that defied blood test results resolved literally overnight after this, so I'm finally capable of doing more than survival/school/work now. Mental issues are uphill slowly, but in progress. I'm easing back into things with smaller projects, but hopefully I'll be able to do some bigger stuff soon too! Taking it slow though. I don't need burnout. I just need to get my life together and heal. 

I thought doing the hobby on my own would be lonely, but turns out it's just peaceful. I'm still trying to process the last three years, but I think things are going to be okay. The last week and few days has been the happiest, most peaceful week of my life since I was a child.  Ironically, due to the bait argument and what it would reveal, she can't even trash talk me too specifically without looking terrible.  I'm still being careful, but I think we're a lot more evenly matched than she had me believing. I'd love to make some less insane friends but I think I need some time to learn to be a healthy person. I don't want to accidentally continue this cycle. For now, I'm looking forward to a LOT of doll play time, catching up on sleep next to my kitty, and trying to build a future.

~Anonymous

Mod: Glad to hear such a happy update Anon! 💜

[snek-panini]

It's been a few weeks since I had new books to share, but I finally got photos taken of the newest ones so today's the day. Here, have a book:

This is Across Tides and Currents, a Good Omens siren AU by Sodium_Azide and @doorwaytoparadise (hi. I hope I tagged you right). My favorite thing about this AU is that, at its heart, it's about learning to communicate with someone who is so different from you that you can't even physically speak each other's language, and yet you've still got so much common ground that you find a way. It's way lighter and more fun than that description makes it sound, though, so go read it if that's your thing.

The cover on this is Lineco book cloth, scrapbook paper printed to look like leather, and blue foil htv. The foil was actually a nightmare to do. The first time I applied it, it wouldn't stick no matter what I did, and the bits that did stick peeled off as soon as I touched them. I had to peel them up very carefully, cut a new image, and try again. Thankfully it worked the second time but I don't know that I'll be using the foil type again unless there's no other way to get the color I want. The non-foil metallic was so much easier to work with.

More book photos under the cut!

I went with a coptic bind for this one for a few reasons. The first was that I wanted to try one on a quarto-size book to see if I could. I also wanted to try the mitered corners thing I did when I bound Strange Moons, and see if I could have the same effect on the interior. (That bit didn't work out so well; the front is fine but I mismeasured the inside and the lines didn't match up, so I trimmed some pieces of cardstock to cover that up. I really like the layered look though, so that's fine. It's quirky.) The third reason is that not long before I decided to bind this one, the authors published a new chapter after two years of no updates. That's the best possible reason to have to change plans, and the glueless bind means that if they ever do that again I can just redo the stitching to add more pages. Win-win.

Getting whimsical with title pages here. This took way longer than I thought it would, probably because I don't like graphic design and I did it in Word where I do the rest of my typesetting. Usually what I do is grab an image and put text around it or on top of it and then just play with fonts and sizes, but this time I drew the lines and then made the text follow them. This is the first time I've used the word art feature since...probably 2009? I'd forgotten how. I have no doubt there are better ways to do this but if I'd had to learn a new program at that point I'd have quit. And I do think it was worth it--it's cute and fun and looks about how I imagined it.

Couple of photos of the inside. Sorry the first one's blurry, I had someone trying to get my attention when I took these. The section break image came from rawpixel, I just made it gray instead of black so it's more subtle. The fic has very nice illustrations that I specifically got the artist's permission to print and then I failed to get any photos of them when I did my little photo shoot. They look very nice, though. I swear.

The last image is something I've started including in my latest books. I'm calling them "A Note from the Bookbinder" and it's basically just me talking about why I chose that story, the experience of reading it for the first time, stuff that's going on in the fandom, stuff about the process like the new chapter coming out as I was preparing to print. It's kind of...like marginalia? Part of fanbinding is preservation and that's linked to archival work, and something I know archivists love is marginalia and diaries. I don't like writing in my books and I've never found any fun in journaling, but sometimes that kind of context is important so I'm trying to add it. Someday, decades from now, I may not remember all the details, so I'm trying to preserve them. IDK, this got philosophical on me. Go read about mermaids now. Promise it's a good time.

[vendetta-if]

𝓱𝓲 💖 (sorry for this asdkjfhjijhj)

im back and i have returned (to everyone's dismay) and i come bearing gifts - i have found the pages where i had my vendetta sequel mc drawn in!! 😈

here's my first doodle of rei when i was designing him - i didnt have the proper markers to colour him in but i used what markers i could get my hands on at the time lol but i did fuck up his face :( (closeup)

now i have lots of doodles i drew alongside this fullbody design of his and without further ado >:)

here are some facts i wrote about him 😊 as well as rei decorating his helmet :D though i'll write it down here if you can't read my messy ass handwriting (sorry about that hsjdhsd) »»————- ★ ————-«« FACTS ABOUT REI 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO: ➭ loves all things cutesy and colourful ➭ acts and whines like an actual toddler (because it forces his family to give him attention whenever he's being an actual pain in the ass 💞) ➭ reckless af and hates when people fret over him or protect him (that's his job. 👺) ➭ unironically thinks that blood splatters on his clothes look good on him (rei doesn't care if he's seen covered in blood in public, he can make millions of excuses why it isn't blood >:D) " NO this isn't blood this is paint 😇" " tf did you think this was?? i spilled my kool aid all over my clothes 😪" just to name a few, lol ➭ would honestly sell his soul for a lifetime supply of strawberry milkshakes (this is totally not me projecting myself onto rei when it comes to taro milk tea 💀) »»————- ★ ————-««

now here's another doodle of rei using his blood manipulation powers 😋 also ignore the pencil text below LMAO

so i did mention in my first ask about rei that he loves to explode things- yeah um idk if luka and jackal would give their menace of a son explosives or a grenade launcher if they knew that this is how he'd act with them LMFAOO

i also mentioned that rei makes the best belgian waffles! (send help hes holding me at gunpoint and forcing me to say this) here's rei offering a divine dish of waffles to my vendetta mc, remedy / remi 💕💕 and look at his face! his mouth is practically watering in anticipation to gobble up the waffles! 💗💝💘💓

okay on a side note- i made some small drawings of rei in a different outfit and was actually gonna include this in the ref but i didnt like it because it looked ugly 😭 so i made a poor life decision to cut these two abominations out and now they're on my phone 💟 (closeups)

anyways now here have a drawing of rei as demoman from the hit game tf2!!11!1!11!! 😲😳

(he really looks like a dollarstore demoman lol)

(reference used):

now if you have been on the internet during its baby phase im sure you may understand the reference i used for this doodle 🤭

yknow looking back at this downgraded rip off drawing of the original this is actually a shit drawing LMAO (how tf do you draw flames and smoke pls help 💔) now one thing i like to headcanon about rei is that whenever he starts to get frustrated or is having a hard time with carrying out an assassination he decides to do fuck all and blow everything up with literally anything flammable he could find because no target survives being blown to oblivion! (which happens more often than you think...) i like to think while this is an easy way out for rei, it is an absolute nightmare and a headache for the rest of his family 😌 (they probably would have to deal with unwanted attention because rei doesn't give a shit about keeping a low profile and people may tie him to the Morozovs 🤗 they also may struggle to come up with cover stories as these arson incidents become more frequent - because rei is the type of person who values quantity over quality, where he challenges himself to complete multiple assassinations so he can receive praise from his family 😂🤪 and it also doesn't help that he would rather cut corners and take the easy way out when it comes to his work) luka and jackal: " these fires are getting out of hand, we can't keep doing this... " fucking rei: " DAD 1 AND DAD 2!! LOOK!! THATS ME!! THAT BURNING BUILDING, I DID THAT!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD " (reference used):

now moving on to a somewhat ironic drawing, here's a doodle of rei in a raincoat vibing in the rain ✨(aside from overalls, rei loves to wear raincoats - and would rather wear them instead of wintercoats when it's cold LOL) rei is the type of person to prioritize fashion than comfort :(

now here's a crappy drawing of cousin bonding time (rei and remedy) tbh i dont really like this scribble lol - this is just filler because i hated empty patches in my paper 🤡

now, a word from our sponsor; rei himself!! he is presenting his aforementioned homemade waffles in greater detail :) and now, cue the advertisement that totally is not completely false and not just rei's delusional and stubborn ramblings on that he creates the best waffles and that waffle makers are inferior to him ☺️

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Rei's amazing homemade Belgian waffles! ♥ (𝑀𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒶 𝓌𝒶𝒻𝒻𝓁𝑒 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒𝓇!) ♥ 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗴𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗲! (𝙎𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙝) ♥ ♥ 𝗛𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲, 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘀 (𝙏𝙤𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙘, 𝙣𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙛𝙛𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙙 >:( ) ♥ ♥ 𝗖𝗿𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗮𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘀𝘆𝗿𝘂𝗽 >:) (𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙗𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙩 𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡!) ♥ ♥ 𝟷𝟶/𝟷𝟶 𝚏𝚕𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚞𝚛! (𝙍𝙚𝙞'𝙨 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙖𝙙𝙨 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙤 ���𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙡𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜! :) ) ♥

i feel like im trying too hard to be funny here, lmao 🤡💀 anyways, here are the full pages of all of the drawings :D

alright so thats finally all i have - if i somehow get my motivation to draw or do literally anything productive ill start working on my vendetta mc's (remedy) ref sheet 👹 (im sorry for this cesspool of cringe again btw LMAO)

Rei sounds so chaotic and kinda sweet at the same time 😆

Also, I love the lil headcanon about the waffle. You can bet that big bro will boast about how his lil brother can make really good waffles to his friends whenever he hang out or has breakfast with them 🥺

Thank you for sharing all these lovely drawings and headcanons about your upcoming sequel MC 🥰