#idk im very torn
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iphone se might be the solution tbh. it's got better internals but has the same dimensions (and home button!) as an iphone 7
DON'T TELL ME THIS AFTER I JUST SAW AN OFFER FOR SAMSUNG A35 5G WITH FREE GALAXY BUDS FE FOR UNDER 20 MONTHLY. It is tempting though, but I am also looking for a good camera so I can take better merch pic's. Though, I am also not a camera nerd so I don't know how big the difference is. I will consider this, thank you very much
#edit: ignore the galaxy buds i refuse to go to a cell provider now#am i willing to change or stick to what i like#ive never had a phone with 2 cameras let alone THREE#munch to think about#plus i get to keep my airdrop with my stupid macbook that i hate so much fuck you apple#sure i can just dm myself on my private server pics but also like. airdrop#idk im very torn#etc#ask#anon
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and happy pride to these assholes. it's still june so i can technially still make that joke right
#the nemesis speaks#nemesis art#malevolent podcast#malevolent fanart#god i hate tagging for new fandoms yall scare me. im stopping there#anyway i have too many directors notes for this. ive developed such a vivid image of john in my head#but absolutely nothing for the dude with the actual physical body lol#idk just thinking abt the fact that the trader said ''two appear before me'' implying he could perceive john visually#but it's hard to wrap my head around like. a totally separate body that john doesn't appear consciously aware of himself#so: i think they are generally tied together. like this.#but anyway yeah. tattered/torn piece of something else. shattered crown. open hood implying a face behind it.#(yellow also has/had a mask and an unbroken crown it's symbolic™)#the stains on the cloak are blood btw! since injury/death so consistently brings these two closer together#(and the red symbolically brings the yellow closer to arthur's brown color scheme)#the blood on the CROWN is legally john's though. or. the king's more accurately.#the intact crown on the king himself pierces through the cloak like barbs#this is all a metaphysical representation and not Actual blood ofc but (gestures vaguely) you get it#i'm talking too much whatever it's very late i probably shouldn't even be posting this WHO CARES#tomorrow i will have my proper pc back and not be drawing on an ipad old enough to have a tumblr acct maybe i'll do something better then#fuck it hit post#mv liveblog#<- almost forgot
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....
#y'all i would really appreciate prayer for a decision i have to make this week#(keep in mind i got back to canada like. less than 48 hours ago so my mental capacity is iffy lol)#i have had a job opportunity at my college literally fall into my lap#its an exec assistant position which tbh is very much the sort of thing i was hoping to find for this year#i would just have to commit for one academic year which would be perfect#id learn a lot#and id get discounted tuition to finish ny second degree here.#BUT it would mean finding housing and moving to my college town probably within the next month#it would be yet another big change in my life#I'd be farther from family and from The Boy#and i was rwally looking forward to lots of things about living with my parents (also stressed about other aspects#but rn the familiarity and stability sounds amazing)#so im really torn. idk what to choose.
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pretty sure i just got a spider bite while trying to fall asleep 🧍
#i thought it was just a stray hair on my elbow under the blanket and kept trying to shake it off#and then i finally went to brush it off w my hand and felt a bump there#and then it was unbearably itchy so i turned the lamp on to apply some anti-itch stuff bc it was driving me nuts#and i was trying to see where it was on my elbow bc wtf when did i get bit#and then i looked at it and it was very pale like a fresh bite and then there was some skin torn like a spider bite#i cant tell if theres two little holes or not and honestly idk if spiders always leave two fang marks fjdkdl#but it doesnt look like a mosquito bite unless i tore the skin myself from scratching at it#but the way it is looking... very similar to past spider bites#anyways i just removed everything from my bed and methodically searched Everything. looked all around the bed too. cannot find a spider#so. shrug. <- actually very afraid#but the thing that makes me Really think it's a spider is that the bump was super pale and now after a little while it is regular skintone#so that makes me think it was a brand new fresh bite the way it was a different colour and now its normal looking#which is uhhh scary! to have had a spider possibly in my bed!#and I can't find it so i simply do not Know and that is going to make it so hard to sleep tonight fjfkdl#man i barely ate today too so im just... really not doing well at this very moment fjfkdl#i cant eat anything rn though bc i already brushed my teeth and i dont want to do that again tonight fjfkdl#but i am. so hungry. augh. idk what I'd even eat anyways im too anxious to stomach anything#WHERE IS THIS SPIDER. WHY DID IT CHOOSE MY BED TO BE IN 😭#im in bed so often ... it should avoid places where ppl are ....#i feel like such shit rn fjdkdl i just rly wish i didnt have to deal w all these bugs#in the past month I've had a couple spiders and Several(!) weevils and a centipede and a clicker beetle and a couple earwigs#im just so tired of bugs i rly am fjfkdl idk why they choose to come inside and idk HOW they're getting inside#i hate living in a basement!!#i just want to sleep so i dont have to deal w being awake for a while fjdkls but now im all freaked out#i want to curl into a little ball and blink out of existence I'll be so honest rn. im just. idk.#✨ I don't think I have a place in society ✨ i am not a good enough person to exist in the world ✨#i dont want to go to sleep bc what if the spider comes back fjfkdl i wish i would've found it so i could've trapped it#and then let it outside tomorrow! i wouldnt have even killed it. the universe should've given me that one bc im so niceys#unfortunately the universe doesnt play nice w me fjfksl#spider tw
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once were moved im gonna start planning out how id renovate a van for real. need to do some research—im hoping to get a high roof model and find an insulation + flooring solution that would maintain maximum height in the cargo area
imagine if i could take val camping.......
#wed really still need a nice campground with bathrooms but omg it could be so nice#find a cute campsite. take a nap. light a fire when it gets dark. get back into the van and play video games in bed#wake up in the woods. have a pleasant brunch outside. take a little scenic drive...#would need to find her a comfortable camp chair for maximum outdoor chillage#im also very torn between#separating the backity back of the van from the rest of the main cargo area and using it as an outdoor-accessible storage area#which just really prioritizes having a lot of storage space#(not really a concern in This fantasy but i would also love to use it to like. go skiing or something)#vs like#having the bed pretty up-close with the back doors (maybe w a small storage/nightstand area as a buffer) for the ambiance from the windows#which seems like a small aesthetic detail ik but like#idk if i take val out and we spend a majority of our time in the van#i want the outdoors to be visible and noticeably surrounding us#id have to go scope out campsites beforehand to make sure bathrooms look hunky dory but thats not a big deal at all#like. oh no... i have to go camping twice... whatever shall i do
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#rain world#slugcats#rw slugcats#i realized i've never tried out polls before. and what better way to test it than to talk about little beafts :]#also don't bite me for counting nightcat and ??? as the same character they are mentioned to be the same character in-game#idk why i never see anyone talk about that. ??? as the remains of nightcat after they were deleted is delightful#anyway im torn between survivor and gourmand. surv is classic and i love their story but. gourmand is very round ...
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ok so im writing a thing and need opinions
#im genuinely torn because on one hand. its not really all that out there that she just goes by moonbeam#in my mind she just tells everyone thats her name and refuses to tell anyone what her birth name is#which is both in character and funny as fuck#and like idk its weird calling her something else#however. it also feels weird to call her what is very obviously a stage name#and i do like the name i might give her#dani speaks
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After giving it a few days of thought I think I have mellowed out a bit on Jeremy Adams. I think it's pretty damning that he follows so many right-wing extremists on Twitter and that some of his views leak into his writing. I'm obviously not happy about this and I think it's awful.
I want to be clear that I do not like him as a person.
With all that being said, he hasn't really done anything yet. Beyond making Jay and Wally religious, which is aggravating from a comics lore standpoint but religion isn't necessarily inherently a good or bad thing.
There are little things that hint towards his views but there's been nothing 100% or overt.
Hell, for all I know he followed those accounts years ago and has changed his views since. Or maybe he didn't know what they are.
I'm not trying to find excuses for him, I'm just trying to show that there isn't a smoking gun here. There's a pattern of suspicious activity and I'm 96% certain that he has terrible views but the evidence for that sucks.
Piper shows up in the next issue. Piper, who is a gay socialist. I think that will be a really good litmus test. I'm going to be reading that issue like a hawk.
#i want to hate him and i do hate him but there's just not enough evidence#for every hate group he follows theres like two very left gay people he follows#so its like ???#you don't just accidentally follow hate groups#so its highly sus and bad but its also not really evidence of anything because he also follows like a billion very left accounts#and the religious stuff is ... look I'm really biased when it comes to religion and i can acknowledge that#i think its terrible and bad but objectively religion isn't inherently bad#its a bad character choice but thats just bad writing#so im torn on this whole thing#i need more information#because he hasn't really done anything#idk#what do you guys think about this?#dc#the flash#dc comics#wally west
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Lo voglio morto (I Want Him Dead, 1968)
"If the Confederates and the Yankees sign a truce, the two of us are ruined!"
"And so?"
"So, they have to keep killing each other until we've sold everything. Everything, right down to the last cartridge!"
#lo voglio morto#i want him dead#spaghetti western#italian cinema#paolo bianchini#carlos sarabia#1968#craig hill#lea massari#josé manuel martín#andrea bosic#licia calderón#andrea scotti#federico boido#josé canalejas#cristina businari#frank braña#francisco nieto#remo de angelis#josé riesgo#moody and fatalistic but stylishly shot italian spanish coproduction. director Bianchini favours tight close ups and low angles to sell his#tale of corruption and waste in the dying days of the american civil war; the vibe is brilliantly captured‚ it's all battle weary desperate#ppl in a scarred and broken land‚ but i do wish our hero hadn't been allied so clearly with the Confederates. that's the main issue here‚ a#persistent element of nihilism which does sometimes display itself through uncomfortable attitudes on race (background characters in more#than one scene speak derisively of black people‚ despite none appearing in the film). that's a shame bc the plot here is strong‚ with a#clear anti capitalist tone struck from the beginning. idk it's all just so pessimistic but then ends on a really improbable happy note for#our hero (a very good Hill‚ whose steely eyes are showcased in many a loving closeup) and his girl (Massari‚ who fares much better than#women often do within this genre: she has plenty of screentime‚ a developed character‚ and makes it out alive)#idk im torn on this. it's a very handsomely shot film and more intelligent than many other of its era but that nagging tone of#callous disinterest kept me from really loving it.
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I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop
#this one is straight so there's no room for delusion which is good#but my burning need to be her most favorite is eating me from the inside#it IS making me better at my job though#.......i mean i think so but what the fuck do i know#on friday night amongst the grueling psychosexual chaos that ensued a very smart guy that I LOVE said to me#i have no doubts you're gonna be a great psychiatrist actually#i traded a month with him to have another month with her#he's a phenomenologist she's a psychodynamic....ist? rival theories#I don't like most of psychodynamic theory.......so far#but i love the way she works and i can see how well it fits with her manymanyMANY patients and goddamnit i love personality dosorders#so i made the choice to go with her yes and im very torn casue i LOVE that guy and i wish i could become his friend like my bff from my year#also.......kind of dumb of me since I'd only soend two days a week woth her and the other three with very scary ladies#but I've been in scarier situation i can manage#and god when she praises me (silently obv she's only been forward about my merit ONCE and i almost pissed myself like an overexcited dog)#the endorphin rush is........man#but yes i need to work on this.......idk how to define it. closest i can get to explaining it is professional sub space#with strong aspects of praise kink#pathetic is what it is really#but hey if it makes me study harder who fucking cares right#I'm gonna be the smartest most intuitive fucking bitch amongst my peers so if I can't have her (them) carnally then goddamnit#I'LL HAVE THEIR PRAISE AND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AT LEAST#........I'll be normal again in a week or two i just need to get over these next couple of days of....idk. inflammation i guess#yeah it's just like an infected wound right now#angry red throbbing hot pain#i know the drill it'll be better in a couple of days you just need to not freak out and let it do its thing#it's nice to be mature-r about emotional impulsivity and the shame that comes after an episode of deregulation#it really doesn't have to be a big deal even while it still feels like it#it still hurts but it's like......hour three of a tattoo. it's a bitch but you know it's gonna be over eventually and wriggling won't work#the only thing left to do is enjoying it all while it's happening or trying to#I don't think I'm doing a great job but what're you gonna do right
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My ass was trying so hard not to jump up and down with glee playing yttd with my sister and getting to the shin reveal I was like MY GUY MY FUNNY LAD MY SILLY RABBIT
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#its like i cant get ahead of myself when talking about him cuz theres still a lot not revealed by the end of ch2 but STILLLL#i was keeping my opinions on characters pretty neutral this whole playthrough though my bias towards gin and kai was very apparent lol#and i did start screaming in agony reliving my worst nightmare joe dying#i dont think my sister was nearly as torn up about it as i was though like god ill still never get over it#the first time i played i actually gross sobbed like maybe i was just sleep deprived but i was inconsolable literally never cried that hard#but yeah we did the second main game today and i was like#‘not trying to persuade your vote but heres one million reasons why we should let shin live ahaha’#i dont think she was very happy with her vote aldnks#but yeah i really am gonna be sooo annoying next time we play im literally gonna bring pages of shin analysis with me that i can gush about#it is an interesting thing this character cuz to me like everything about him is so clear like even from the beginning i just didnt buy#the idea that he was genuinely an asshole i knew there had to have been something more going on#and idk if ive made it clear guys…but hes exactly like me guys hes just like me fr#his story hits so hard it feels like my own self insert which is weird cuz obviously thats not true#but like i feel like its either you get it or you dont and if you dont understand exactly what this character feels cuz you feel it yourself#i feel like so much of him just wont make any sense to you#maybe im just being pretentious idk but like if you cant relate to his abuse and just#very blatant bpd then I feel like youll just judge him on how good or badof a person he is#like it just doesnt feel like itd hit in the same way like when i see this character talking about being hopeless and the way his trauma#makes him act irrationally like god it just clicks so hard it makes so much sense and i can physically feel it through the screen#I MAY BE FERAL ABOUT THIS CHARACTER TO AN ABSURD DEGREE SHHH#basically what im getting at is i feel if i dont over explain everything about this character to other people i fear they just Wont Get It#and that they will be judgmental which idk i guess makes me defensive#anyway yeah i just enjoy getting to re experience the spiral this guy has given me and i will be thinking about it a lot tonight
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So i have a tab with all the names from the song mambo no 5, and i have the ting tings thats not my name currently stuck in my head which naturally means i wanna make a new tab with all the names/things she gets called in that song too. So hell, jane, her, stacey, bird, darlin, quiet, riot and of course, mary-jo-lisa
#torn between that being 1 dragon or three#but it is very much said all as one big word#but no hyphens :(#idk. well see!!#also i have no idea how popular/well known this song is outside the uk#if you dont know what song im talking abt go listen rn its a fun song
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miniature crochet clown cloak experiment 1
pattern i more or less followed is here:
youtube
i made some alterations, mainly, the scale
#toy pic post#undescribed#clowns#clown doll#crochet#cloak#illjay#ive undone it now cos i didn't want to commit the yarn i was practicing with to the project which is also why the hood is a different color#cos i didnt want to cut it. mainly i did this to try to learn the project and shape and understand the concept without having to commit to#the full scale project. now that i have a rough understanding of the concept and where to start etc i might next try experimenting with#different stitches...and i have my foolish and hubristic gaze set on the idea of making a scalemail cloak now. i think i could do it.#should i? perhaps not. it will be so expensive and teeeedious and i still dont know which yarn id use. i used rhss the first time for the#gloves and its held up well but i think that would maybe feel a bit stiff for a cloak and not be very breathable if its like.#warm at ren fair u see. also im torn bc like i rlly wanna do a project w metal scales cos i like the weight they have and like. the feel#but i also Love to Glow. and i Already Have The Gloves.....so like.....#i should do more glow....#idk! im not there yet anyway. i also want to experiment w star stitch cos i think that could be pretty and its a fun stitch to do.#but also maybe i sjould just make a full size basic one w the cotton yarn i have just to use it up on a simple stitch cos like. the yarn is#a pretty color but i cant even really describe it as 'splitting' bc that would implay the strands were ever together to start#and Very Thin. so itll take forever and hurt my handsss#anyway. look at my clown#oh and the yarn is like#truboo? bamboo rayon?#Youtube
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Abby, dear. Let me impress upon you the position I’m in. We are coming up on ballet season. When I think back to last Thanksgiving I remember the sides, I remember the drinks, I remember the desserts, I remember the plates, I remember the cutlery - but I don’t remember the entree.
#had a weird romance novel esque dream where the heroine (Abby) wanted to run off with her girlfriend#but her parents wanted her to marry rich to secure their fortune (which now that im awake seems to mean they didn’t have a fortune)#they were in some kind of financial crisis idk#and so her best friend’s parents who were wealthy offered to marry her to her best friend’s brother in order to save her#and Abby was very torn between duty and love#and they wanted her to accept the offer in time to have a Thanksgiving wedding#and this line from the friend’s dad trying to get her to make a choice is sending me
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I just watched 'I Spit on Your Grave' for the very first time, and for all that the experience was really heartbreaking and uncomfortable, there's something so poignant about Jennifer taping the pages of her writing back together. Like repairing it is in some small way repairing a bit of herself.
#i spit on your grave#jennifer hills#i spit on your grave 1978#i have very complicated feelings about this movie#esp efter watching the documentary about it and getting like. context for why it was created#but idk theres just something so heartbreaking about it#her sitting on the couch and taping the pages back together-the pages that had been torn apart during her rape#idk#im just tired and it made me sad#tw rape
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Something about the way my brain associates voices with fictional characters is a little funny. I associate Loretta with the gruffest voice imaginable. I'm talking 40 year old-smoker raspy, bass deep with a hint of a new york-italian accent type of deal. No New York doesn't exist in elden ring. Britain doesn't either. Still Malenias british. And so I've rationalized the new-york Italian accent Loretta headcanon and I see her no other way now
#'HEEYY IM WALKIN HEYA' - Loretta#idk maybe is the fact i draw her as an older muscular and sexy and battle torn and murderous and sexy lady#i choose my lil fictional characters accents based on their vibes (and my lesbianism)#can you imagine DLC for some reason reveals more of her character and/or her face and she turns out to be soft and feminine like Latenna#i mean we can all agree shes Albinauric right#idk something about her helms description just sounds sarcastic#like 'the ABSURD RUMOR SHES ALBINAURIC. SO VERY ABSURD OH YES INCREDIBLY ABSURD AND HEINOUS AND MAD'#sorry i just remembered it's actually the shields description#im not rewriting all that💀#elden ring#royal knight loretta#loretta knight of the haligtree#evening rambles with baerry
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