#idk it made me sad

[ichigokeks]

underneath the mask there is still a child, lost and lonely

[caiusmarciuscoriolanus]

So I’m trying to watch all of val Kilmers films and I tried to watch at first sight and the first 7 minutes has me wanting to cry. I can’t believe that I’m so fucking touch starved that watching Val Kilmer give this woman a massage made me cry. It was literally just the reality that it’s possible to be touched so softly. Theres no sexual connotations with it (at least I don’t think there is). It’s just this person providing relief from pain through touch. But it’s attentive touch and it’s careful.

[faerune]

wow one of my favorite world of warcraft youtubers has said he’s not covering the game anymore and i respect him so much

[miceeonvenus]

I adopt a lot of speech patterns from youtubers and streamers I watch and I think that's a little way I will keep Techno's memory alive. I adopted quite a few things from him, especially that little, "bruhhhh."

[cavaeaquilae-blog]

What would Abirama do if he outlived Barragan? How deep does his devotion go?

First of all, I don’t know what you mean by this if nonsense.  I distinctly remember Abirama making a safe escape and Izuru shoving that weird-looking sword of his right up his ass, come on now, everybody knows that——————

……………………

But yeah.

Outliving Barragan would not be a good thing for him, at least not at first.

With Barragan around, Abirama is something.  He has some sense of purpose and meaning, he has direction, he has something that may not guarantee his continued existence, serving a more powerful Hollow, but it’s as close to it as someone like him is going to get.  Plus, I headcanon that Barragan is good to his Fraccion.  He may not be the most benevolent or compassionate being in the history of the universe, and if any one of Fraccion step too far out of (his perceived) line the repercussions may be harsh-Barragan will have only the best in all aspects, let’s be real here-but overall I do think he is good to them, and that would be the closest thing to kindness that Abirama has experienced.  Naturally, he latched on to it and deepened the hold that His Majesty has on him. 

If you were to take all that away?  If Abirama were still around to see Barragan fall?  Eventually, he would realize that everything he had (and everything he thought he had) had fallen with his king.  His whole world would be turned upside down, that’s for damn sure.  Ultimately, though, he’d be lost.  Entirely and legitimately lost.  What direction he may have had is gone.  He’s back to being nothing.  What is he supposed to even do?

For a while, probably a long while honestly, he might let himself be lost.  Abirama has likely been in Barragan’s service for quite some time, too, probably since his Adjuchas days (not unlike Grimmjow’s Fraccion), so it would be a major adjustment for him to suddenly be on his own.  It wouldn’t last long, though, that solo life.  It’s still going to be set in his head that, in order to survive, he’ll need to ally himself directly with a Hollow notably stronger than himself, so he may offer his service to another (it would be very, very different than his service to Barragan for the simple fact that it would solely come from a perceived “necessary” method of survival, whereas with Barragan, it was that plus a healthy dose of blatant reverence and respect for the man).  He would still seek ways to increase his own power, because hey, it was nice not having to answer to someone else for a little while, but his instinct is still to eventually latch on to someone powerful.

[oxydiane]

headcanon that after the war, as harry is fixing up grimmauld place, he finds a box labelled “FOR HARRY’S SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY” and a small note to go along with it in remus’ handwriting “i don’t think it’s the right time, might have to give it to him when this is over. 31/07/1997” and harry feels like it was an eternity ago. when he opens the box he finds it filled to the brim with little flasks and when he realises the contents of them his heart stops for just a second. the first one he takes from the lot is labelled “meeting james, hogwarts express [sirius]” and harry feels like he might actually lose his mind. it takes him a while to sort through and visit all of them, but from that moment on, each time he needs a break from reality, and each halloween, he gets to sit next to james and watch as they develop the marauder’s map, and he gets to stand there and watch as seventeen years old lily pranks james by giving him a potion that turns all his hair neon pink (“this is SO not funny this is a CATASTROPHE why my hair lily??? PADFOOT STOP LAUGHING”) and he gets to sit in front of the fireplace and watch his parents play with him on his first christmas, as sirius drinks way too much eggnog (“it’s not even got alcohol in it?” “yeah sirius got it specifically done because he wanted harry to try it”) and remus hastily tries to put together one of harry’s toy presents.

[marshmallowgoop]

Oh gosh. Oh man.

So, onesidedness is probably the main criticism of the Heiji and Shinichi friendship, and when potential romance is added to the mix, the prevailing thought—at least, in my experience—is that Heiji's affection would never be returned.

If Shinichi is interpreted as a character who experiences romantic attraction, it's an argument that doesn't sit well with me. "It feels a lot like, 'Well, of course the desirable protagonist could never romantically love the dark-skinned boy,'" I once expressed in the tags of a post. "And maybe that's unfair of me, but I can't deny that that's how I feel. Shinichi clearly has a lot of love for Heiji, and this OVA [9, 'The Stranger From 10 Years Later'] shows that he finds Heiji attractive. Like... I really don't think it's as implausible as it's made out to be."

But it's not that I don't understand the reasoning behind the hopeless, unrequited reading. There are implications of Shinichi's strong feelings for Heiji, bits and pieces that you can put together if you turn your head to the side and squint, but Heiji is loud with his love, unabashed, an open door. He speaks so fondly of Shinichi that Kazuha initially believes they're dating (Episode 118), and yet, any similar sentiments that Shinichi holds for Heiji are only quietly mentioned and barely tangible. There's a reason that Dr. Agasa calls Heiji to help Shinichi (Episodes 189, 277), a reason that the most constant adult presence in Shinichi's life believes no one else can reach him, a reason that Heiji is considered Shinichi's best friend, but on the surface, Shinichi brushes off Heiji's invitations to get together (Episodes 238, 381), states on more than one occasion that he's only accompanying Heiji because Heiji forced him to (Episodes 381, 479), and consistently has a sour look on his face whenever the two of them cross paths unexpectedly (Episodes 166, 189, 221, 381...).

I've always chalked up the attitude to Shinichi's inherent tsundere nature. He's embarrassed to show his affection for others, so he conceals it with annoyed faces and pouts and teasing (that I know is supposed to be fun but tends to come off as overly cold and meanspirited to someone as sensitive as me). Heiji isn't the only one on the receiving end of this kind of behavior from Shinichi—even Ran, Shinichi's childhood sweetheart, experiences it (Episodes 58, 927...).

So, I've never read Shinichi's grumpy behavior around Heiji as evidence that he doesn't love his friend or enjoy his company. There are plenty of examples of how that's clearly not true. Literally every Heiji case after the Reveal (Episodes 57-58), so far as I've seen, at least, depicts an excited, enthusiastic Shinichi who pointedly cherishes sharing deductions with the Detective of the West—even the cases that began with a cranky Cone!—and Conan is notably devastated whenever he's separated from Heiji or left to solve a puzzle on his own (Episodes 117, 118, 174, 224.).

It's not that Shinichi dislikes Heiji. He just doesn't shout his love to the heavens like Heiji does for him. Shinichi's love is whispered and soft, but that doesn't make it any less meaningful or real.

Still, I'm also fully willing to admit that the level of reciprocity I do interpret or could interpret in Heiji and Shinichi's relationship is simply an overanalysis—a desperate, futile attempt to justify why I'm fond of these two and their interactions despite the snotty attitude that Conan often directs towards his fellow detective.

But that's just the thing I only now realized: Conan's snotty attitude towards Heiji. When Shinichi is Shinichi, the nastiness he subjects Heiji to vanishes. The irritation that colors their dynamic fades away. There are broad smiles (Files 257, 653). There's an eagerness to work together. In "The Scarlet School Trip (Bright Red Arc)" (Episode 927), the partnership arguably takes precedence over the case, as Shinichi doesn't instantly race to solve it only to belatedly remember Heiji's presence, but instead immediately wakes Heiji so that they can unravel the mystery as a team.

Even the first time the two ever directly meet (Episodes 48-49), Shinichi treats Heiji kindly, explaining the flaws in Heiji's deduction without being insulting and devoting his time and energy to encouraging his so-called rival to be a better detective—all while he suffers horribly from the effects of the antidote wearing off.

So, this thought crawled into my head, built a nest, and refused to leave me alone: maybe the main source of Shinichi's grouchiness around Heiji is not his tsundere tendencies, but rather that he hates being Conan in Heiji's company.

It makes a heartbreaking amount of sense. Heiji is comfort to Shinichi, a reminder that, to quote Undertale, a game I've never actually played, "Despite everything, it's still you." But it's comfort that aches, a warmth as soothing as it is agonizing, because Conan is Shinichi but not, because as reaffirming as it might be to spend time with someone who always sees you as you are, who flounders and struggles and fails spectacularly at seeing you as anything else, there has to be pain in that, too, the pain that you aren't yourself anymore, you can't be, and you're trapped being something you're not, that you never wanted, that no amount of "Kudo"s can fix or undo.

More than that, Heiji represents everything Shinichi's lost. Conan can't be the teen detective that Heiji's freely able to be, with his name in the papers and his deductions widespread. Whenever the two are together, Heiji has to be sneaky or lie or conjure up excuses to keep them that way. Whenever Heiji calls, Conan has to hide or pretend he's talking to someone else. Whenever they speak, Heiji has to crouch to meet Conan's eyes—a gesture that's meant to signify their equality but simultaneously underlines how they're not equals, not as things are, not to the rest of the world.

While I can't say I'd ever excuse the undeserved annoyance that Shinichi pushes on Heiji, considering the behavior with this lens makes it a whole lot more sympathetic. It's humiliating for your friend to see you sitting on someone else's lap like a little kid when you're not one (Episode 166). It hurts that you can only talk candidly with your friend after he's manufactured a reason to send everyone else away (Episode 189). It stings that your friend has to orchestrate a plot so that you can attend the Detective Koshien when, had you been in your own body, you could have made the decision to go yourself (Episode 479).

It's not that Shinichi dislikes Heiji. He just dislikes the unfortunate necessity of being relegated to the child sidekick instead of the peer that he is. He just dislikes that he can't fully be the Kudo that Heiji thinks of him as.

If you consider "Conan's Dream Vacation," after all, it's one of Shinichi's greatest desires to be by Heiji's side, with Ran and Kazuha... but as himself.

Anyway. I already liked Heishin, but the idea that Shinichi's bouts of stinkface around Heiji are largely because Heiji reminds him of how desperately he wishes to return to himself does soften what I considered to be one of the friendship's most glaring flaws. And while the answer to the question of onesidedness here is of course up to interpretation, that Shinichi clearly has a lot of trust in Heiji (asking for advice in Episode 189!), and that Shinichi enjoys Heiji's company in cases and misses him when he's gone, and that he displays a palpable joy when working with Heiji as Shinichi (Episodes 522-523, 927-928), and that he dreams of being together in an official illustration, all demonstrate to me that there's a lot of love here.

The thought that Shinichi is upset that he can't be Shinichi for Heiji only adds to that feeling.

[dqrships]

This is a story about growth, forgiveness, acceptance; about be the best you can be. And hands conveyed it all perfectly.

(inspired by this amazing blog's header)

[emrrys]

omg chilis date night ! 🌶️  

i literally could not get @mika-c0re​ ‘s post out of my head and had to get this out of my system

[harvestmoth]

the funnies

[emaiiyaru]

answering asks

sorry i’m like the worst person to ask because i draw like this

although this is only hands, my anatomy process isn’t very different, i just don’t have good anatomy processes to show atm

i’m very lazy to draw guidelines so i freehand a lot

i’d advise looking into art tutorials that give proper guidelines and shapes for both hands and anatomy, but if you’re interested in whatever technique i’m pulling out of my ass, i pretty much familiarized myself more with outlines

here’s an example with some anatomy figure from amazon because idk how else to explain this

left side is my ugly attempt at guidelines

right side is how i usually draw

and then i keep practicing that so i’m not too terrible at it now

please i don’t deserve such kindness

[mlchaelwheeler]

in s5 when mike finally "runs out of time" and is injured so badly everyone thinks he's dead, "heroes" begins playing, and will numbly hugs joyce as a parallel to mike hugging karen after he thought he lost will in s1 and s3...

[corpsoir]

I remember sitting there on the rocks Not knowing you had gone away I was sitting there on my own Wiping the tears away

[lonely-night]

Voyager 4.03 “Day of Honor” | Voyager 4.25 “One” | Picard 2.01 “The Star Gazer”

[youichi-kuramochi]

monthly mikey’s victim’s association meeting

[ on twt ]

[bloodydeanwinchester]

4x22 // 7x23 // 15x18 // Back to the Old House - The Smiths