#idk what i’m doing with my life anymore

[dumbass-hyperfixations]

I started watching 911 recently (and I’m not gonna lie, it’s mostly because of Buck’s coming out because I wasn’t gonna start watching yet a show with a very potential queerbait in the middle of an otherwise very diverse and interesting looking cast) and I’ve been loving it, and even though I’m only on season 3 now, I really want to contribute with an idea on how the show could start up Eddie’s own coming out journey (which is hopefully in the cards)

Now, I don’t know how much closer Michael Grant gets to everyone else on the show (since I’m on season 3, I haven’t really seen him interact much with anyone but Bobby and Hen from the 118, and idk if that changes or if his relationship with other characters deepens over the years), but I would really like him to be present at Chimney and Maddie’s wedding. And maybe Tommy and Buck are being cute on the dancefloor, and then the camera pans to Eddie, who is seated to the side with Marisol, looking at the pair a little wistfully (just enough for us to know that maybe sitting there with Marisol isn’t exactly what he wants to do). And then, the camera would go to Michael, noticing Eddie’s look, and Marisol’s sort of dejected and bored expression. And he sees a couple that not only appears unhappy with each other, but also sees a whole lot of himself in Eddie.

So, as the wedding reception is coming to a close, Michael is at the bar as Eddie comes by, looking for one more round as the bartender announces the last call. And as he waits for the drink, Michael strikes up a conversation with a bit of small talk (again, idk if they’re close enough to have a deep conversation right off the bat), and then goes, “hey, did Bobby or Athena ever tell you why we got divorced?”

And Eddie stumbles over the answer a bit awkwardly, like yeah, it was because, well, um, you know, because you’re …

And Michael chuckles, putting him out of his misery with a “a flaming homosexual? Yeah. No sense in beating around the bush about it. At least not anymore. You know, I was so deep in denial I never even kissed a man until I was in my fifties?”

“Really? So you’ve … only been with women until you came out?” Eddie asks and Michael nods. “And you’re sure you’re not bisexual?”

To which Michael laughs and reassures him that no, not bisexual, just a very very repressed gay man. Then, he drives his not-so-subtle point home by saying:

“And even still, I don’t have many regrets about my life. I got two incredible kids out of it, and I can’t imagine my life without them. My only regret, though, is that I spent fifteen years with a woman I couldn’t love the way she loved me, and I wasn’t even man enough to give her a chance to look for someone better. Fifteen years. That’s a hell of a lot of time to take away from someone.”

And while he speaks, we see Eddie glance across the room, to Marisol fussing over Chris. And, inevitably, to Buck laughing along with something Chimney said on the other side of the room. And when he looks back at Michael, he sees a very knowing expression on his face.

“What are you trying to say?” Eddies asks, still guarded as hell, to which Michael chuckles.

“Nothing, man. I guess I just officially entered my lonely gay drunk at the bar days. But if I can pass a little wisdom. If can already you feel it in your gut that you’re not with the right person, maybe don’t be like me and spend the next fifteen years trying to figure out what you already know.”

And then he leaves, and BOOM, Eddie is forced to realize things he would much rather keep repressed.

[mmcgemino]

How I almost went on stage with Gene Simmons (and also a heavy vent)

Today was the first day of Summer Breeze here in Brasil and Gene’s on the headline. I traveled 8 hours just to see him and Sebastian Bach play. I was so excited to see them and my mind was set on giving Gene a poster and a letter. I really wanted to give him a piece of my work and say how much KISS changed my life.

There was going to be a signing session at 3pm and when arrived there at 11am there was already a line. No problem for me, honestly, I could wait. But then somebody from the staff told us that the time changed for 7pm. I didn’t want the whole day of festival + Sebastian’s show, so I gave up on that.

Sebastian Bach’s show was amazing (I even got an autograph!). It was kinda short but I still had a lot of fun. Next would be Mr. Big (that I didn’t bother to watch) and then, finally, Gene’s band.

God, I was right in front of him. LITERALLY. This was my view the whole show:

I was SO close from the stage, already at the barrier (is that the right name in english?) It was actually funny, because the first thing he did when he finished the first song was to point at me and say with eyes wide opened: sua bunda é linda! That’s a silly thing he says every time he’s in Brasil. (There’s a video of him saying it on a tv show just for reference). I also had some silly interactions with him, like me motion grabbing his tits and him looking shocked. Honestly, if the show ended like that it would be just fine. I’ve never been this close to someone who’s so important to me, much less recognizing my presence and being silly with me. Hell, I didn’t even care about my letter anymore. It was a kick ass show.

But in the last song (that was obviously Rock n Roll All Night), he started calling a lot of girls on stage. There were some in front of me, between the tiny gap separating the stage from the fans. I guess they were sponsors, photographers or idk, more than VIP. But then he pointed at me and called me!!! What ??!????? It sounds just like a fanfic, unbelievable. And I swear on all my family that I ain’t lying. I crossed that barrier with the help of other people and ran backstage.

To have Gene pointing at YOU and calling YOU to be on stage with him is once in a lifetime. To be ON STAGE, my literal dream and goal in life. What I’ve been working for the past couple of years. To have the chance to give my letter to him and even sing by his side. With Gene fucking Simmons from KISS, my favorite band.

But when I got backstage, they told me that I couldn’t go. “There’s too many girls there.” I was the last one he picked and the only one who didn’t make it. I begged that guy, not from Gene’s production but from the event. I even cried. The securities around me were sorry but if I didn’t leave, their jobs would be on the line. I couldn’t even see the man leave the stage. I couldn’t even see the show end.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do from now on. There’s nothing to say, no consolation prize, nothing. “But there will be other shows, other opportunities”, that’s the kind of bullshit that I had to hear. No, there won’t be another Gene Simmons in Brasil calling me to be on stage. My life could have been changed forever.

I was never lucky, never won any raffles or had accomplished great achievements in life. In my letter, the first thing I wrote (as cheesy as it is) “If you’re reading this, everything is possible”. I also wrote how KISS literally changed my life when I went on their last tour here in Brasil, how they took me out of a really bad place and made me run after my dreams. It seems silly, part of me feels like an idiot to be that sad. But I just can’t get over this, can’t have any consolation on that. To be always “almost there” but never actually “there”.

Also, this is the poster I wanted to give him:

The quality is crap and I definitely could do better if I had more time. But I gave my all making it.

Sorry for the long post and the crappy sob story. This just happened like 2 hours ago and everything is still fresh. I decided to write this post because I wanted to share my frustration with people who understand that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

(Fun fact his pants were tearing up but nobody told him)

[transwaterbender]

I don’t think I’m doing okay. I mean I might be better than I used to be before my antidepressants that’s for sure. But now I can feel myself falling slowly once again. Into the deep abyss of misery. Is this burnout? Most likely is because I continue to work but the antidepressants help me push through. I did switch to a new job that I started this week though but it’s way further, different surroundings and vibe, a lot more customers that I’m going to have to deal with it seems and thus a lot more socializing and having to adapt to their system. Idk what’s wrong with me but at times I feel like a failure because I can’t handle minor changes. My last job was mainly sitting down and watching stuff on the computer as I awaited customers but I go to decide what I wanted to do to keep myself entertained. I no longer have that option. Yeah it was 11 hour work shifts but I’d have 3 days off. Yeah I wasn’t earning much commission but they did offer me a raise to $14 before I left. Idk man I left mainly for the money but now I’m thinking that maybe I’m just going to have to go back. Because unfortunately it’s not just the money. It’s way more than that that affects me.

[yaolmao]

simp

[pyro-thon]

Why does Tech love Waffles so much? (In ur au)-NTR

Idk. I put a lot of my personality into most of the ppl I RP, so it really probably reflects off of what i like and dont like. Eather that or i just wanted to up his adorableness

[kimmykloo]

Tfw you dropped your phone 🐠🐟🐬

I love mermaids and just merfolk and decided to just draw Cove as one.

I struggled way too much with this, but might as well stop and just post it

[lordoftherazzles]

Hiatus ✌️

[heirsofthedragon]

I stayed up until 7 am working on Freyja’s character page I made on Toyhouse and I did SO MANY re-writes to her story 💀 I’m still not happy with it cause I am bad at writing, but I’m glad to actually have somewhat of “written out” base? I’ll probably end up changing some stuff again. I still can’t figure out what I want the main conflict to be… having it be the iron throne feels so repetitive ughhhhhhj

AAAND now I have 2 more random bg3 presets I want to make cause I wanna make her dead husband and son that I made up 👹👹 I found some faces that I really liked to use as my references and used the photos as placeholders for now lol. I’m excited to make them though 😊

…. and I still have to do Frey’s now AAAAAAAA

[swordmaid]

What did Shri'iia do that finally broke her oath? I love hearing about your bg3 character arcs, and my fav play through I was an oathbreaker durge- so I'm interested in hearing more!

so for some background context for Shri’iia - she was a paladin of Lolth who was in service to the matriarch of House Faen Tlabbar for like 100+ years or so. She’s kind of like the matriarch’s hidden weapon, no one knew about her existence except for the matriarch (bc before she was a paladin, she was just another commoner who didn’t belong to any noble house) and she was kept in the dark until her matriarch had some use for her. Like Menzoberranzan is a city that thrives in deceit and secrecy and the best weapon someone could have is a weapon that’s unknown to everyone else but completely loyal to you. Shri’iia agreed to this arrangement since didn’t belong to any noble houses prior - and she’s ambitious as hell lmfao she wanted to be at the top of their hierarchy. To her, she had everything to gain and nothing to lose - not to mention that the matriarchs were the closest beings to Lolth and through them, her will is re-enacted so how could she refuse? so she is like a well trained hound in a way, who’s completely loyal to the spider queen and her matriarch and she does not know anything else but to serve her spider queen bc Lolth is everything….!!!!

that is, until she gets kidnapped, tadpoled, and left in the surface

and the thing is, in all her years she has never once stepped foot in the surface. she hasn’t even explored the entirety of menzoberranzan bc she spent most of her days hidden away. not to mention everything she knows about the surface is from gossip and the horrible shit they tell you about how drows are hated there, and how you’ll be hunted like an animal the moment they see your red eyes, and all that terrible shit. so suffice to say shri’iia is terrified! she hasn’t even seen the sun ever before and she hasn’t touched grass either so now you’re expecting her to be fine when she’s left in a place that could kill her bc she’s a drow? not to mention the tadpole in her head? like early act 1 is just a stressful time for her and the fact that she joins up with these other tadpoled folks who could kill her anytime doesn’t make it less stressful

anyway, bc she’s so paranoid and rn she’s like a professional liar in her nature 🫶 (she’s a charlatan) she makes up this story about how she was born in the surface in some small town that has a population of less than 100, and she obviously does not worship Lolth ew and her oath? she follows a noble cause don’t worry about it (:. so she sticks by that back story to earn the other’s trust! and to save her own skin, more or less but by doing so she’s essentially hiding and being ashamed of her Lolth worship and oh that’s not -

in the ACTUAL game, shri’iia breaks her oath because she tells minthara where the grove is. in her head, what better way to punish a traitor of Lolth than to kill her where everyone is watching! 🤭🤭 like punishments for traitors has to public and humiliating like that is such a good plan (in her head!) except that she didn’t take into account that Lolth was getting tired of her ass for hiding her Lolth worship NOT to mention that she’s not acting like how a paladin of lolth should be acting like why are you listening to some man first of all (since I hc gale is the leader of the party). and by killing minthara in front of the grove she offhandedly saves the tieflings which is another 🫤🫤🫤 as a paladin of Lolth like she‘s gonna have such a bad grade in being an evil aligned paladin

So tl;dr - Shri’iia ends up lying about her entire backstory out of self preservation meaning that she has to lie about her Lolth worship. Lolth is a fickle and proud goddess who doesn’t stand by that shit and drops her ass, now Shri’iia spends the remaining half of act 1 in denial trying to win back Lolth’s favour or else she has to deal with the fact that her identity is essentially gone and she’s been abandoned by the goddess she has fully devoted herself to 🫶🫶

[classical-vanity]

There’s days when I really feel like a failure/ disappointment because I think everyone had pretty high expectations of me growing up and I feel like I’ve done nothing with my life

[mxfortune-teller]

.

[lesbiansanemi]

I think… I have figured out the reason I never get gendered as a guy anymore and it’s making me have…. A lot of really complex feelings

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

hey friends is it normal to just feel. numb. because I think that maybe it is not. but what would I know anyway.

[kavehater]

I don’t think the weird anxiety/panic will ever leave my tumblr experience🧍‍♀️

[athetos]

Okay this is something that has taken me years to come to terms with and I just need to get off my chest especially since im not in therapy anymore and honestly only a few close friends know this but talking about it is still hard and I want to be able to better forgive myself and get rid of some of the internalized shame that plagues me because of this, and like, just be more comfortable admitting this fact to myself so I can better heal from it. And I know it’s also triggering to a lot of people so I never feel like it’s ever appropriate to discuss I should have a therapist again maybe sometime. But I’m gonna just say it and maybe delete this later. But I’m a rape + abuse survivor and it’s took me years to even “unlock” this trauma and properly process it. I’ve come a long way but idk I just wanted to get this off my chest because it’s been aching to come out but I also don’t wanna burden people.

[sparklyseblos]

it’s actually so sad how short lived portwell was and how quickly they were taken away from us, it hurts so bad they deserved more time 😭