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#idk what the difference was this year but i'll take it
phoenixyfriend · 1 day
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Weird Egg?
Okay so in theory, Obi-Wan was plausibly on Mandalore when Anakin was born, right?
(this is technically a variation on a few other fics and AUs I've seen, and I'll list the stuff that came to mind at the end.)
While on Mandalore, Obi-Wan finds An Egg while hiding in a cave with Satine. And he doesn't recognize it, and Satine doesn't recognize it, and even Qui-Gon doesn't recognize it.
Which makes it weird, at the very least, and probably rare. It's the size of his HEAD and even though there's no parent around, the egg is… warm, now? He didn't notice at first, but it's definitely producing at least some of its own heat.
So Obi-Wan brings the egg with him, which is a pain in the ass in terms of maneuvering, but they do seem to have better luck avoiding Death Watch than before, which uh. Given that the egg feels warmer when they're getting lucky, and seems to glow in the Force, they think might not be a coincidence. A lucky rock, except it's alive.
Mission ends. Obi-Wan plans to take the egg back to the temple for study in case they just discovered Something, and as he's saying goodbye to Satine… the egg Hatches.
It is a dragon.
The dragon can project words into Obi-Wan's mind. It's not quite capable of complex thoughts yet, but it's a he (probably), and has a name (Anakin!), and considers the person who's been carrying him and protecting him and keeping him warm for the past six months to be his mom!
Obi-Wan protests at this. Qui-Gon decides to make his life harder with the 'correction' that Obi-Wan would be a dad, not a mom.
So now Obi-Wan has a small dragon which will be growing to the size of a house, that imprinted on him and is following him home and calling him dad and insisting on sleeping in his bed
Idk if you've ever read Septimus Heap, but… the MC of that found a Fancy Rock, put it in his bag, carried it around for a YEAR because he kept forgetting to take it out of his bag, and then it hatched into a dragon. And I kept thinking about that the whole time I wrote this.
In Obi-Wan's defense, he does Have A Plan.
Until the dragon hatches, turns out to be a sapient as a toddler (with promise of growth), and calls him Dad.
And now the plan is gone.
He just wanted to bring a cool egg back to the Temple for study!
And now the Mandalorians are pulling out old books about whatever the fuck this is because these things APPARENTLY went extinct around the same time as the underwater dragon-adjacent thing that is the Mythosaur.
Obi-Wan learns that supposedly the eggs are inert until something with the Force interacts with it in a Purposeful Manner.
Which includes "probing it a little to see if whatever is inside is actually alive."
Anakin's a standard western dragon that can breathe fire because Flyte. Also this post.
Weeeee okay small text for the references I mentioned.
Obviously, first up is the Septimus Heap series by Angie Sage, specifically Magyk and Flyte.
The fic series I was thinking of initially that kind of jumpstarted the AU process was Boga Service Varactyl AU, but specifically Kenobi Kafé Service Animal Boga AU.
I've been seeing a couple of dragon shapeshifter AUs, including that post I linked earlier from @ahsoka-in-a-hood, @bubblew0lf1's dragon shapeshifter AU, and @squad-724's Dragon Jedi AU has been all over my dash for the past few days.
Stubborn to the Bones by @tideswept, which was part of what had me connecting the various dots of Obi-Wan Finding Animal Anakin on a mission, though our outcomes are admittedly very different lol. (Their fic is shippy, and mine is more decidedly gen/familial with a slight nod to Obitine.)
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nekohime19 · 4 hours
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Neko Shadowpeach Au Guide!
I have so many Shadowpeach Au I can't even 😭
This post is mainly for me to organize myself bc I'm beginning to have a lot of ideas for Au, and a lot of Au in general and I need to write that somewhere or I'm gonna get lost.
But also it's to let you guys know about future Au I would probably write and see if you like them.
Of course if you guys have any questions about any of my Au's, even the unpublished one, feel free to ask.
alright here we go :
Published
Monkeys silly love life :
Summary : Macaque never met the great sage, nor the brotherhood, he simply lived like a hermit until his lantern was stolen by a thrall. He finds himself coming to Megapolis in search of his lantern, there he meets MK, his friends and one particularly insistent golden-furred monkey who seems keen on flirting with him despite the Lady Bone Demon taking over the world.
Fic : series of three fic on Ao3
Who said you can't flirt in an apocalypse?
Monkeys discovering the wide world of dating.
I know the world is ending but will you marry me?
Status : all fics completed
Vibe : fluff and humor
Heart behind the lie :
Summary : Sun Wukong's mind is severely damaged by the Lady Bone Demon's possession, leading him to act like a beast. Macaque being the only person he trusts in this state, he is designated as his babysitter. Macaque refuses at first but then finds himself needing magic to survive and decides to accept being a babysitter to better steal Sun Wukong's magic. He might became more attached than he planned for.
Fic : fic on Ao3 + being published on Tumblr with two chapters a day
Status : uncompleted
Vibe : emotional angst, feels and fluff
Publishing day : At least once a week
Mini Mac :
Summary : One day Sun Wukong discovers that a little black-furred monkey had been living in the walls of his stone mansion and decides to befriend him. Problem is, the little black-furred beauty is not keen on deepening his relationship with him, thus the sage has to gain his trust first.
Fic : one fic on Tumblr and Ao3
Status : uncompleted
Vibe : fluff, humor and very light angst
Publishing day : Two to three chapters a week
Bimawen :
Summary : What if Heaven actually gave weight to the title of Bimawen and treated Sun Wukong with respect, even if reluctant? Sun Wukong would have never gone on a rampage and quietly taken care of the horses. Years after Sun Wukong has taken his horsley duties Heaven found another celestial monkey, the Six-eared Macaque causing mayhem in the mortal world. The macaque is judged and if he wants to avoid his execution, he has to become the bimawen's assistant. The problem is the monkeys don't really like each other.
Fic : one on Ao3 and Tumblr
Status : uncompleted
Vibe : fluff, humor and feels / JTTW oriented
Publishing day : Once to twice a month (often more bc I'm inspired)
Share my glow (co-writing with Pen-Women)
Summary : Macaque never met Wukong in his life. He is known as the Shadow Weaver, a mysterious entity who guides the one lost in the night. His lantern is the last artifact LBD needs to complete her mech and take over the world. When his forest is frozen by the Thrall he has no choice but to follow a troublesome team of heroes with a particularly flirty Monkey King.
Fic : one in Ao3
Status : uncompleted
Vibe : fluff and angst / ABO
Publishing day : Once a week (every Sunday)
Unpublished
So here is are my ideas for different Au's! Of course, bc those are still ideas in working, summaries might change a lil bit when I actually write them. Idk if I'll write them all though. They're classed from the one I want to write the most after I'm finished with Heart behind the lie and Mini Mac to ideas in passing.
1) Love Addicts :
Summary : Macaque and Sun Wukong find themselves feeling miserable after season 5. MK lost his powers when he jumped in the pillar, and both monkeys can't help but feel guilty. Sun Wukong then stumbles upon an odd door in his treasure trove and discovers the existence of a bar selling love potions. Despite hating each other, both monkeys decides to drink one potion to recover some sort of happiness, letting themselves be in love for one week. They take another one after the end of this first week and soon become addicted to the taste of love, even if this love is fake.
Fic : will be on Ao3 (debating if I'm gonna add it to Tumblr)
Status : unwritten / I'm planning this one after Heart behind the lie
Vibe : angst, fluff and feel, smut
Die-Hard fan :
Summary : Sun Wukong took the throne of the Jade Emperor after the attack on Heavens orchestrated by the brotherhood. While at first were glad to be free of Heaven's corruption they soon began to fear the whims of their new ruler. Sun Wukong is a beast of pleasure who does nothing but indulges his needs, either in food or treasures, and kills those who doesn't agree with him. One day, he stumbles upon the most famous entertainer of the mortal world, the Six-eared Macaque, and became a die-hard fan. Now determined to be someone Macaque would like, Sun Wukong has to change all his ways and learns to be a good King.
Fic : will be on Ao3 and Tumblr
Status : unwritten / Planning this after Mini Mac
Vibe : fluff and humor
Monkey Cop Mania :
Summary : Both monkeys find themselves being transported to a movie-like dimension in which Sun Wukong is the insanely famous Monkey Cop and Macaque a world-wide known thief accused of murder. If they want to get back to their own dimension, they have to solve a murder and finish the movie's scenario. Problem is neither mystic monkeys turn out to be great detectives.
Fic : unwritten / will be on Ao3
Status : unwritten
Vibe : Humor and feels
Once upon a monkey
Summary : various long one shots of shadowpeach being in different fairy tales.
How to bewitch the witch : Wukong is the prince of the Sun Kingdom and falls in love with the cruel sea witch, Macaque, while said witch was destroying his wedding with the mermaid prince, Azure. Once Azure returns to his kingdom and their wedding falls void, Wukong does everything in his power to court Macaque. Turns out, courting a sea witch is quite difficult.
The strongest of them all : Macaque is a magic mirror with the ability to hear past, present and future terribly in love with his owner, the King Sun Wukong. One day Sun Wukong learns that he's not the strongest anymore, but that he's step-son, MK, is. Macaque, after listening to the future, fears for his King and tries to better the relationship between MK and Wukong.
Fighting Beauty : Macaque is prince Sun Wukong personal guard, in charge of guarding him until his betrothed comes to rescue him from the sleeping spell casted upon him. Things get awkward when Macaque awakens Sun Wukong on his first night on duty. Sun Wukong, impatient as ever, decides to slay the dragon himself and not wait on his betrothed, Macaque is dragged in the quest despite himself.
Midnight Illusion : Macaque is at day the mistreated step-son of the Lady Bone Demon, and at night the leader of the most fearsome thieves of the Sun Kingdom. He's unfortunately caught by the royal guard in the middle of a thievery. He's given two choices by the Sun King himself : either spend the rest of his life in prison, or spy on his own step-mother while also pretending to be the Sun King betrothed. Naturally, he chose the second option.
The Mage and the Monkey : Sun Wukong is cursed by the wandering mage, Macaque, after refusing to give him shelter on a stormy night. He's now the Monkey King, and he'll stay in this beastly form as long as he cannot find true love, according to the Mage, at least. But Sun Wukong is not one to stay idle, he finds the Mage huts after a lot of searching, and bugs him everyday to undo the curse. Macaque is tempted to accept, only because Sun Wukong is getting annoying.
Fic : unwritten / will be on Ao3
Status : unwritten / rough ideas really
Vibe : Humor and fluff and angst
Narcissist :
Summary : Sun Wukong was lonely. He felt like there was a wedge between him and the world, that no-one could ever understand him. Even his successor couldn't hope to breach his shell. Pushed by his loneliness, Wukong stole a forbidden book from the gods with the vilest spells written in it and bring his shadow to life.
Fic : unwritten / will be on Ao3
Status : unwritten / very rough idea
Vibe : angst, fluff and horror (Mac being an eldritch horror)
I'll add Au's to this guide if I have any more that I think of, but that's all for now.
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whitherwanderer · 1 year
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30 // amity
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Breath slow. Eyes open. Hands steady, for once. It was nice not to feel how much of her strength she’d lost and still be able to aim straight.
When was the last time she did this? When was the last time she did this and felt something good?
She squared her posture, pulled her arm back tight, and stared down the first bottle she’d perched on a rock. She took her time. She felt through herself, the wind, the savory calm. And when she was ready, it wasn't a matter of letting go in the way she was used to. Instead, she gripped tight. She squeezed the trigger.
Her arms jerked, but she held herself steady. It wasn’t as loud as she remembered, though the shot rang through the desert and scared the nearby birds into flight or silence. And her target? Sif’s heart nearly burst into flames in her chest when all she could see of it were glittering shards of brown glass littering the dirt. But she pulled a deep breath. Then another. Measured. Composed. For a beat.
Her boot came down hard into the gravel and her arms went up in the air, barking a laugh at herself as she pulled the weapon—this hard-won trophy, a symbol that she wasn’t a failure but merely changed—close to her chest to feel the heat off of it. “Gods, damn it. Finally,” she sighed, an irrepressible smile on her lips.
If only she had more than a precious few bullets, she might have fired off another round or two, become more familiar with the weapon, built her confidence and learned her limits. But this? This small, long-sought victory was enough for now. Enough to assure her that she could still be good for something. That he alone wouldn't have to bear the responsibility of protecting them both.
Spinner would have Her way of turning her fortunes tomorrow, Sif wagered, but today? Today was hers.
She settled down in the shade of the ironwood under which they’d made camp and set the weapon aside in favor of a flask, lifting it to the heavens in thanks before bringing it to her lips. As a bitter taste flooded her tongue, she was given pause, then huffed to herself.
A battle-in-progress that she was fighting on a quieter front. Tea.
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batsplat · 3 months
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from the stuff i’ve heard marc’s former honda teammates (dani jorge and pol in their media careers but joan also i guess) say about him now that they’re racing is generally quite positive, both on a professional/riding level but also seemingly on a personal level? i’m wondering what you make of that given that, yeah, marc doesn’t seem like a very good teammate (unless you’re alex who i’ve left off this list). like MARC wants to separate on and off track stuff and it seems like all of these guys are willing too at least in retrospect, so he can’t have truly burned bridges with them. do you have any thoughts on that
(x, x) most riders are quite good at not burning bridges with each other! it's not like marc's competitors don't know that this stuff is kinda part of the game. I mean, all of marc's past teammates were also trying to assert themselves within the internal hierarchy... you can say that certain teammates engage in 'worse' behaviour than others, but, like, these people do understand they're supposed to be fighting each other! a baseline degree of nastiness is factored in and will be accepted to a greater or lesser extent by your rivals - especially when it comes to asserting yourself in intra-team power struggles. you might hate the other guy in the moment, but generally speaking once the active part of the rivalry is done with... you will probably get over it. marc's fellow riders are aware of how ultra-competitive marc is - and to a certain point they do respect it, not least because they're aware that this is part of the reason why marc has ended up with all those titles. it's like dani said, right, it's marc's strong suit. and in general, you do have to say that there's relatively few teammate pairings that devolve to the level of toxicity that it completely destroys the interpersonal relationship. you might need some level of preexisting animosity... most of the purely competitive sins can be healed with a little time
on the 'separating on-track and off-track' thing... well. this is kind of a question of how you define these things, you can say that marc generally speaking isn't going to massively hold grudges over isolated on-track incidents or whatever... but he doesn't just leave his fighting to the track, and personally I've also never felt he can entirely separate these things out in his mind. can you really say his professional and private relationships with other riders are completely detached from one another? mostly, he's opted to be pretty disengaged from his fellow riders as a collective, and obviously that's a good way to not take things too personally... it's all part of the game, isn't it? sometimes it's good to go with the straightforward approach: marc tells you he will make your life hell, he does indeed make your life hell, and then you both move on with your lives and can maybe actually have a pretty amiable relationship with him in years to come. he's not really defying your expectations at any point here, is he now? it's still a question for each of them as individuals as to whether they think that kind of behaviour is above board and acceptable or not... but everyone by now knows that marc plays these games, so it's not like they're going in blind
and it's not like other former teammates are constantly badmouthing each other. I mean... look, let's just cut to the chase here and bring in valentino as our reference point (as he is for the sport as a whole, which by the way does also help create a certain baseline of acceptability for marc's antics - maybe goated riders are just supposed to be dicks who knows). vale's premier class teammates were 1) nobody (2000-01), 2) tohru ukawa (2002), 3) nicky hayden (2003; 2011-12), 4) carlos checa (2004), 5) colin edwards (2005-2007), 6) jorge lorenzo (2008-10; 2013-16), 7) maverick vinales (2017-20), 8) franco morbidelli (2021), and 9) andrea dovizioso (2021). of these eight men (let's just exclude 'nobody' for now), do you know how many had serious complaints at any point about valentino as a teammate? that's right, it's one guy. one. some of valentino's other teammates, like hayden, checa and edwards, were even quite actively positive about their whole experience. this is the thing - you do need some specific circumstances for teammate rivalries to escalate from 'being kinda bitchy every other month' to 'actively fantasising about stabbing each other'. not accounting for natural interpersonal animosity, let's list some circumstantial factors that you need to get a bridge-burning-worthy level of feud:
you need a competitive bike. it is possible to beef about development direction when you're in the trenches (cf late 2010's yamaha, 2020's honda)... but generally speaking this is going to be quite low-level petty stuff, not actual war
you also need something that approaches competitiveness between teammates. if one teammate is unquestionably stronger than the other one, then it is very unlikely that you are going to get any open hostilities. the tension comes when the two sides are close enough to each other for the internal hierarchy to actually be a contentious issue (this is also basic self preservation... if you're the far weaker teammate then you do not want to make the situation troublesome, because then you will be the one to be fired)
following on from those first two things... well, it doesn't hurt to have a title fight in the mix. there are also other ways you can generate competitive stakes, like, for instance, if you and your teammate know that one of you will be out of a job soon. basically, it helps to have something to squabble over
it is maybe easy to forget how rare it is this century for teammates to be fighting directly for a title, let alone over the course of multiple seasons. only two 1-2's since the year 2000 and they're both for the factory yamaha's (though 2006, 2011-13 and 2017 did all prominently feature two factory hondas). which means that for valentino, the prerequisites were met just the once in his premier class career... and yes, the results were pretty memorable, but (topic! for! another! post!) it's worth pointing out that even that relationship was pretty much 'fine' whenever there was a sizeable disparity between the two of them performance-wise (2008 and 2013 are the most clear cut examples). I think the way I'd frame it with marc is that he has a bunch of mildly dubious strategies up his sleeve to assert himself within the team, which don't really deviate that far from what you'd expect from a rider of marc's calibre and only need to be escalated under specific circumstances. that doesn't mean he doesn't have the potential to be ruthless, but up until now it's mostly been a fairly 'acceptable' level of ruthlessness on the intra-team level... and not something that is likely to make other riders actually hate him
taking marc's teammates one by one... dani was the closest to meeting the bridge-burning prerequisites, though he was only a title rival in marc's rookie season. and marc did go further with him than he did with anyone else, and dani has made some pointed comments about marc's style as a teammate... but yes, he is fonder of marc these days. partly I'd just emphasise again that this is a fairly natural progression when you've stopped directly competing for long enough, and partly it's also just a question of individual personality - dani's not massively into holding grudges. then there's jorge, who... I mean, they might as well not have been teammates, given that jorge was either too slow or too injured to even be sharing any track space with marc. you have to put that one down primarily to circumstance, seeing as jorge's own track record on the teammate front isn't exactly spotless. marc and jorge beefing in 2019 would have been pretty dumb and also a massive waste of everyone's time in a year in which marc singlehandedly won the team's championship. even those two needed more to get things going
moving on to the dark years, pol and marc had an extremely stop-and-start partnership on a honda that was generally pretty uncompetitive... so the only stuff they could get ever so mildly irritable about were riveting incidents like 'marc saying pol wasn't the biggest championship threat' (neither of them were) or 'pol saying he'd copy marc's set up' (which proved entirely useless). not exactly title decider territory, is it now, and marc very much had pol covered as a challenger throughout their partnership. also, those two do have a longer history! they've known each other since they were kids and hold a pretty significant place in each other's careers. now that pol's more or less retired, it's natural there'll be quite a lot of sentimentality there - which will paper over any small cracks that appeared during those two years. and joan was a one year teammate at a time in which the bike was consistently close to offing them both. they only managed to start a sunday race together as teammates on thirteen occasions. it would take some serious effort to engineer a feud with that little opportunity, and, really, why on earth would you bother. maybe if honda had gone for rinsy rather than joan for the factory seat, it could've been a bit more prickly, but it's unlikely that it would have escalated beyond that
this is the thing, right, the only one of these partnerships that would have been worth burning bridges over was dani, and even there marc pretty much had him handled after the first season. in general, marc has been pretty clear on how he's not interested in making friends with the other side of the garage while the teammate relationship is ongoing... which is fine! there's some prominent-ish teammate pairings that are actually good friends, some teammate pairings where one of them is actively helping out and advising the other one, but some riders prefer to just keep their distance. it would have been a little silly of marc to start a feud with a teammate who is galaxies away from being a competitive threat, let alone a title rival, but generally it is possible to toe the line between 'attempting to suppress your internal rivals enough to stop them from becoming a problem for you' and 'taking radical enough action to make your internal rivals despise you'
especially in the post-dani era, marc never really had any need to push things too far... and, let's face it, how many of your teammate relationships end up with burnt bridges is also quite frankly a question of luck and circumstance. do you want to guess which top rider on paper has the worst track record this century with premier class teammate feuds, in terms of a) how many they've had, and b) how little public reconciliation there has been since the end of the rivalry?
yes, that's right, it's the first name that comes to mind when you're thinking of toxic and conflict-prone riders: andrea dovizioso. that old devil, constantly causing trouble. just couldn't stop undermining his poor, innocent teammates. can somebody please stop this ruthless bully before it's too late
I think you get the point. I would personally suggest that dovi is not in fact the worst teammate it is possible to have in a motogp top team. he just happened to find himself in a situation where he was teammates with two separate guys he did not click with at all, in situations that involved a pairing of riders who were (or had the potential to be) competitive with each other, as well as some proper stakes attached to the rivalry. in general, situational factors are going to determine this stuff more than anything else... and marc more often than not does have a reasonably good feel for picking his battles. he's flirted with the line, but he's mostly avoided crossing it. he hasn't had to
#'joan also i guess' hold on now anon that's his former teammate relationship that's most important to ME i love them...#elephant in the room is 'let's revisit this in 1.5 years time'. ik people will try to make that just about the vr46 factor but *shrug*#i kinda feel like maybe i should have mentioned in the casey/marc post that casey is arguably more of an outlier than marc is#like his alienation with the sport ran deep which is how you get him engaging in melandri slander who was pee one million in 2008#y'know casey/jorge ducati was a real possibility for a hot second and my take on that would ALSO be 'hm yeah maybe not <3'#ESPECIALLY given that it's quite likely the incoming jorge would've been paid way way more than casey was ('09 ducati... let's not even)#AND given how yamaha had repeatedly burnt casey and then handed jorge the seat on a silver platter... like idk man!!#genuinely fascinating '10 counterfactual... i do like casey/marc but i've also game planned casey/vale and casey/jorge i'm a completionist#(either dani or vale would've likely won the title in that timeline. but crucially casey/jorge interpersonally would've been. well)#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#i need an ask tag so badly but i can't be bothered to back tag... i'll do it at some point#in my notes i did once actually rank the aliens by how much they'd suck as teammates but the order might be a wee bit controversial#i'm sorry to the guy i ranked number one but he did objectively have the worst track record like... it has to be said#i think u have like. different modes right. where how bad u are as a teammate is scaled to how big the threat ur facing is#now EYE actually think marc's not got a particularly *great* neutral mode either but it's not bridge-burning mode#also what even is a burnt bridge... i mean god knows even valentino and jorge are taking photos together these days...#jorge's still conducting autopsies of old beef every fortnight but otoh he's joking about motegi on instagram which is crazyyyyyy#you genuinely cannot. CANNOT convince me that if marc/jorge had had a title fight as teammates it wouldn't have been a MESS#there is literally no way. none whatsoever#and if i said dani had a higher number of strained premier class teammate relationships than valentino did... what then...#constantly inserting the words 'premier class' to cover my ass for 1998 but in fairness the other two were WORSE!! so much worse#valentino did Not have good role models i swear almost everyone he fought before the age of 23 was very much on one#anyways.
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doubleedgemode · 4 months
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I wanted to go on a drawing spree yesterday, but I could only muster these two before dozing off.
First one, even if I'm not that sure about how I drew her face shape in this angle (and most importantly I forgot her neck and torso bandages OOPS) I do really like how most of the drawing came out. And at least it isn't a bland bust this time, though I'm pretty sure I've already drawn a pose like this before. (Oh no the next drawing is a 3/4 bust again..)
Second, yesterday I saw an artist draw some of the coolest redesigns ever for a different media piece, and thought about the many awesome gg redesigns I often see so I wanted to give A.B.A a spin... Except I was out of ideas so most of this drawing is her regular design haha. I got too tired to even try to attempt to draw the rest of the body and half-assed the key but I like the vibes and pose (even if I.. think I made her neck a bit too long? Old habits die hard... Necks are my enemies when drawing!)
I like the idea of her having a key take on the classic frankenstein bolts (though wait, her head key is referred to as a screw. Would this also be a screw or key shaped bolts??-)
#this counts as a pride post because I am very gay for her#her uneven shoulders and stray eyebrow hair (like some d.bz characters <3) have captivated me#anyways sorry for being so wordy in the post... I will be wordier in the tags! sorry. feel free to skip these I'm just gonna ramble#while drawing these I realised I was accidentally doing a shitty a.b.a cosplay: eyebags. hairband. stitches and what Ishiwatari would call#morbid pallor LMAO. I admit I put on the hairband because of her <3 but the rest was unintentional. I hadn't worn one in yrs cause I don't#*didn't like how my hair looks w it plus felt kinda rigid but.. my current hair w a hairband is growing on me? prob not gonna wear it outsid#but thank u a.b.a for making me retry it <3. also the head feeling is kinda cool. though mine is of a hard material n I'm p sur hers is soft#anyways. I have one of this year's most important assignments/appointments tomorrow. wish me luck#after that I'll still have to go do productive adulting but I'll be able to sleep better n have energies n time to draw stuff n gaming#til that happens stuff is super hectic in all senses so drawing this goober is my escape valve. uh dunno what else. I'm tired#also oh I wanna take a moment to say thsnk u to all the people that like my art of her (and art in general but 95% art I upload her is her#LMAO) I don't wanna get parasocial but I do recognise your usernames and how u keep up with my kilometric tags. you make my day sometimes.#also huh my art (style?) got different lately. Idk how I feel. but drawing dif stuff is cool#wtf did I catch up the habit of drawing each hairstrand. my hand dislikes it. IMAGINE IF I DREW MILL.IA INSTEAD AAAAA#a.b.a#art tag2b named#edit for better term: thank youuu. may the homunculus obsession unite us all <3
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wolpatinga · 1 month
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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spookykestrel · 2 years
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As someone who gets irrationally angry when people (esp my family who know I have to sit in the same spot) take my seat, I really want to know what other people feel
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fearandhatred · 7 months
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gideonisms · 2 years
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sometimes I like to think that maybe there is an older version of me who has different problems and understands why I was the way I was and is able to have pity for this version and maybe would come back and sit next to me if she could. I'd like for there to be a sexy 40 year old version with silver streaks in her hair and glasses. I'll probably be obsessed with myself if I get that old. I've always wanted to look like the one random lady general from the first 30 minutes of any star wa rs movie
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nyaskitten · 2 years
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Here are two old (AND CRINGE) drawings from December 2020! I found me and decided I may as well share them because uh. kill the part of you that cringes, not the part of you that's cringe
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vexederolo · 2 years
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holy shit so i’m 24 now. unreal
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misskamelie · 3 months
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Wrt the situation(tm), I managed to resolve the communication issue between us and it's been pretty chill since then. I care about them a whole lot, but there's still something I cannot quite grasp about what I feel towards them
#it's like. Okay fine I want to see them but it's. Idk I don't even have a specific reason to want that#I'd be fine just sharing space w them. Going on a walk getting something to eat together#To be in silence in the same room each doing their own thing#Idk man I cannot understand if this is a very specific and odd thing (compared to what I feel toward others) or if this is slightly skewed#Because of the obvious and clear physical distance between us#there really is no point in bringing any of this up either because of the obvious current logistics and situation#But I really hope I get to see them in person within the year. First I'll have to find the confidence to say so to them tho#(In a 'look. I'd pass by anyway at one point but I *am* in good part motivated by the possibility to see you and hang out w you' kinda way)#it is also slightly difficult to share the correct amount of info on the situation w my friends because#While most of them have more experience than me w relationships none of them had something comparable to this#so there's 1) distance issue and 2) cultural issue because it's clear the difference of cultures plays smt into how we interact#(As in. Things they/I assume while communicating. As in. Slight difference of texting etiquette I guess?)#also like. I might complain about not getting attention but in reality? I'd get tired about *too* much attention and eagerness#Even just. How do I talk about it to others? I don't really know what words I could use to describe the relationship between us#I generally say 'friend' or 'a friend I care a lot for' if that has some significance#my post#ah who cares I have some exams to take care of first
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musical-chick-13 · 6 months
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Anyone else out here feeling disconnected from their own humanity.
#WILL! MY! BRAIN! LET! ME! LIVE!#like I ran into a meds delivery issue so that's part of why the past week has been so Bad™ & it's finally fixed now but jfc brain calm down#I just feel like everyone else lives on some plane of existence that I will never EVER have access to#and I can keep being myself and keep hoping that eventually I'll meet someone who lives on MY plane but I've been wandering around#for 30 years up here and I really haven't made any actual progress.#the only thing left is to just not care if I ever have someone else on my general plane of existence and I have been TRYING to do that#for god knows how long but with the way my health is...I cannot do this by myself. at least not for the immediate future.#like genuinely I need to not be alone but what do you do when your life looks so different from everyone else you know? what do you#do when everyone else has had at least one 'normative' experience (or a socially-acceptable excuse for not having them) and you never have?#what the actual fuck are you supposed to do with that????#everything good that has ever happened in my life has depended on how well I can perform being a neurotypical person. and I just.#the physical stuff prevents me from being able to actually do that anymore.#so now there's just...nothing. there's nothing that will ever allow me access to the good parts of society#and I gotta say that is a really REALLY miserable outlook to be stuck with right now#In the Vents#mel's Illness™ chronicles#okay I think maybe. I should go be creative or something. or sleep. or take a shower. idk.
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the-kipsabian · 7 months
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i should be writing and instead i just spent a good while reading through some of my old lynn fics cause someones been leaving kudos on them on ao3 and now i miss her and sami so much good lord
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13eyond13 · 9 months
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#should i make a list / tag for all the non-manga stuff i read this year somewhere?#idk idk... i am nothing if not a media list maker and otherwise i might just keep making stupid tag rambles like this#i'm currently reading / listening to the audiobook of the count of monte cristo btw#because i joined an online book club started by a booktuber for reading giant-ass tomes together#something about the style of it is really funny to me like in how everyone is acting exactly like they're in a play#like they say so many of their thoughts aloud like 'alas if only this and that i would do this!'#i find it actually better as an audiobook bc it is so much like a play#and the guy reading it does a lot of good different voices and such#i am enjoying it but it was sort of a slow-burn appreciation for me like#at first i was like ok yeah it's fine very classic lit feeling i'll force myself through a few chapters a day#but then as i was playing my nintendo i started listening to the audiobook in the background too and#i kept wanting to find out what would happen next and now i'm a week ahead in my self-assigned 3 chapters a day readings#here's a protip for powering through classic literature that is sometimes confusing or boring for you btw:#read the sparknotes chapter summaries either before or after each chapter if you're afraid you're not catching everything important#i even take the little sparknotes quizzes to test myself haha#def helps me know i didnt accidentally miss something key if i tune out or get confused during a dry political discussion part#not just for classic lit either. i also read the plot summaries with manga and shows and movies if i'm like 'wait what just happened there'#maybe not everybody is like this but i got the ol adhd so i gotta#p
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celibibratty · 1 year
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Don't you have afraid of the healing, get healead to a point where you will you stop caring, this is what you always wanted and prayed for, but if this is leading you to the End?
#One of these days i checked this ao3😒 and this fuckin t0p d4niel fanfic that traumatized me had an update...and i didn't felt nothing#Of course i still not dare to look at it but geez i remember that Both 2020 and 2021 when i passed by this shit/when appeared/had updates..#My body used to tremble so fast i used to cry of stress/anger but this year i didn't got afraid i felt nothing#Maybe because i kinda used to it now i not that naive anymore i don't get surprised#Still if i getting so healed to a point where i will stop caring about this game?#If i growing out of it?💧#Tsc this is lie i still do get very affected i still get carried away by those things sometimes (proving that i still care about them)#Like woah i/we liked this game when we had 14/15 years and this year i'll do 20 years (if i'm getting tired? Cuz i kinda growing💧)#No! i like to think this is actually a good sign that i starting to have a more health/balanced relationship with this game#To a point where i don't take those shitty versions of them💢🔥 that seriously#reflection#I don't feel that conected to this game these days please please Just be a phase please Just be a phase💧#I know whenever i still believe it i will still keep it but i can't control it i can't control it the emptiness#Idk playing the games makes me realize like ;woah its so good to consume the thing that you enjoy but not stressing about it;#I like s1fu w0man and i/we playing the game but i don't feel sick or intimidated playing it cuz i know i won't find something that triggers#I know the game is kinda okay and our protagonist are DECENT💢🔥different from this game imagine me playing it urgh...#I get so anxious i have afraid of find out something i won't like it (triggers) or i wish i couldn't know#Like it's so different so different that it hurts notice it#And i can comfirm it ;playing-it-it's-different-than-seen-it; play it's a different experience you notice more things#I can't i never want to play this game in my life i don't want to find out what i will feel i don't want to revive everything over again#Please brain be just a phase
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