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best-enemies · 3 years

Note

For the fandom ask meme thing can I request the whole damn alphabet or is that not very cash money of me? I’m nosy lmao I wanna know all of them!

AHDKAJSDKJAHSKDA JACK YOU’RE THE BEST

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

I’ve had my current OTP for like almost 8 years and it’s, obviously, Thoschei (Doctor/Master). My other current obsession is the Gallifrey OT4 hehehe

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

It’s funny because I didn’t ship Hannigram at first... I’d thought the idea of a cannibal having a relationship was terrifying because what if they had sex and Hannibal got hungry in the middle of the act? Lmaoooo

But yeah they’re my endgame now. I watched the show when it first aired and I was about 14/15 years old so now you see why I thought that. Although I’m still afraid I’m gonna be reading a fic and Hannibal will suddendly bite Will’s dick off or smth AKJHSAKJSAHSASKAJ

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

Uhhh Doctor/Clara. Mainly because I don’t like to ship the Doctor with companions (there may be one or two exceptions but I don’t ship them enough to actually say I ship them lol) and I don’t know I just never vibed with it

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

Doctor/River. I mean, I did like it for a while years ago but now it’s just... eh. I think she has a waaay better chemistry with the 12th Doctor, but still don’t ship it. I might give it a try once I listen to the River audios but so far meh. I’m not much of a multishipper anyway.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what

God. I’ve written a couple of Academy Era (focused on the Deca) crack fanfics and I still have to translate them to English. They’re pure garbage but I love them. I have a lot of fun writing crack fics because they’re easier and I can ignore whatever piece of canon I want just for the laughs

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom

Guess it’s Doctor Who, been here (in and out of the fandom) for over 8/9 years

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

Uhhhh I think it was Han Solo and Leia, since I was a kid really. I wanted to marry both of them lol

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)

I had to google what a source text is and still don’t know

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

I don’t think so, but Twitter definitively has. I remember a couple years ago I was curious to see what voltron was about and watched a few episodes, it was ok, fun and cute but the fandom was so annoying I stopped watching it for good and don’t care about it enough to pick it up again

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr

I had definitively forgotten about supernatural until I saw it all over my dashboard in the year of our lord 2020 lmao like in my wholock days I tried to watch the show because everyone on my dash (is it still called dashboard?) was talking about it and I watched about 8 episodes before dropping it. But seeing it again on the dash was actually a happy surprise because the memes are too funny hahaha

K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms

I’m extremely shy irl and on the internet as well but I wanna say that @janeturenne is one of the best authors ever and her fanfics are a blessing in my life; also @thebraxiatelcollection who brings awesome content to my dash and is also one of the best authors. And of course, you, Jack, also one of the best authors god I’m so BLESSED

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)

Uhhh I guess I’m neutral about the current companions. They’re not my favorites but I don’t really dislike them - they had a lot of potential and chibs came up with some good storylines but did not develop them well in my opinion. I think Graham is a fun grandpa whom I’m going to miss when he leaves; Ryan is cool and could’ve done a lot more if the writers had kept a few things, it’d be awesome if he vlogged all of their adventures. He’s like the one I was curious to see more but sadly didn’t feel a connection; and Yaz, I hope she’ll keep growing and that her friendship with the Doctor will finally be developed to a level we can connect to her.

It sounds weird because with the fam it’s always ‘what I wish could have been’ because I never felt really connected to them :(

M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you)

Ok... I don’t really ship Rey/Finn but I think it’s one of the sweetest ships ever, and if they ended up together I’d be happy. They love each other and are there for each other always so, yeah :D

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

I don’t know if I got the question right but it’s three things I wish I saw more in my main fandom? Well, if it’s that, then, 3 things about the Doctor Who fandom: 1) people having more civilized or light-hearted discussions about things. Like, I genuinely disliked an 8th doctor audio I listened once that my friends loved, and they made fun of me and we joked about it. Also once we were in a live twitch video playing among us and discussing doctor who, and then we got into a ship “discourse” as a joke and nobody really cared and just laughed because everyone knew it’s fictional shit so why get mad over it? 2) Doctor Who has a titanic amount of content, it’s all canon but at the same time it’s not, so who cares? If you want to listen to Big Finish audios and if you can afford it, then lisiten; if you can’t, it’s okay, no one has the right to tell you you’re less of a fan. Just tell them to fuck off; 3) The best way to keep fandom alive is by creating content. Here in my local fandom we have several podcasts dedicated to all areas of the whoniverse (the show, the expanded universe, the audios, etc), those old fandom websites who do serious work to bring news to the fans, people who make subtitles for the classic series (we don’t have it available here so they do their best to make it accessible to other fans), accounts dedicated to promoting dr who fans who create content, and we even have people making their own audiodramas with dw characters and writing book-lenght fanfiction to help explain the show to people who’ve never watched it, and a great variety of things. I’ve seen a few of these things in the international fandom, mostly by older fans, so I wish younger fans about my age who have the means to make this kind of stuff would make it too. Maybe there’d be less twitter drama out there lol

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

“the killing moon” by echo & the bunnymen reminds me of thoschei. yep it was totally random

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

The fact that we don’t have a pride and prejudice AU for brax/romana yet is driving me insane

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why

I’ve mentioned it before but doctor/river, don’t really remember why idk I just don’t vibe with it anymore. But also because thoschei has so many different pairings in 1 ship that I don’t really feel the need to ship them with anyone else lol

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

GOD I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT’S SO SPECIFIC ok fellow academy era stans gather around if you have read Divided Loyalties there’s a scene where it SHOWS that Magnus had a crush on Ushas. And NO ONE HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT THEM and the power couple they would’ve made. I write them into all my fanfics in hopes of making other people ship them but I’ve had no success so far

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

The Master is a big fan of musicals and in the 77 years he spent on earth he watched every single one ever. I’m gonna be bold and say that when he was young, still Koschei, he was an artist, and thought about dropping everything to become an actor on Gallifrey. Time Lords do appreciate art, and have their own plays, but it’s just the same old and boring ones the young people don’t care about. The Master then created a shocking performance that was way ahead of its time and the older Time Lords were so appalled they banned him from writing and presenting plays and that’s his villain origin story

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

1) The Doctor and the Master married on Gallifrey and the entire show is just them having the most litigious divorce in the universe (still isn’t final because the Master has killed all the judges); 2) Ushas/The Rani is ace; 3) The Deca was a 10 people polyamorous relationship; 4) Romana and Livia were girlfriends at the Academy and they hate each other now because the break up was baad; 5) Romana writes fanfiction; 6) Romana/Leela had a thing in Davidia I KNOW it; 7) Leela pegs Narvin; 8) Brax has a life-size painting of Romana at his collection or a statue or smth; 9) Brax’s dream in Reborn is actually REAL and he’s married to Romana, Leela and Narvin all at the same time

U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms

I don’t even think I’m in 5 fandoms but

Doctor Who: The Master, The Doctor, Romana, Leela, Sarah Jane, Bill (this was the hardest thing ever)

The X-Files: Mulder, Scully, Monica, and can I add The Lone Gunmen too?

Star Wars: Leia, Obi-Wan, Finn, Poe Dameron and honorable mention to Din Djarin and Grogu

Hannibal: Hannibal, Will, Bev, Alana, Chiyoh

V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms

That’s hard

Doctor Who: thoschei ofc, gallifrey ot4.......... uuhh as you can see i don’t ship many pairings in the show

The X-Files: Mulder and Scully. And whatever Scully and Monica had going on because they definitively flirted

Star Wars: Poe/Finn, Han/Leia, whatever Han/Lando had going on too

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

WHATVASHAJSKAJSA ok this is a little embarassing but I don’t have a lot of kinks for many ships... I guess I have some for thoschei like, choking, whipping, blindfolds/gagging, bondage, begging, biting, sem-public, phone sex, dirty talk, body worship, praise kink, etc. Alright alright I know it’s a lot but in my defense they've shown half of these on the show

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM

The Master, Romana, Leela, Brax, Narvin, Bill Potts, Martha Jones, Sarah Jane, Donna Noble, Lucie Miller. No particular order for most of them but the Master is my precious baby and I will die for this mf

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

Not many, usually the people I follow are in the same fandoms as I am but I’ve seen some mutuals reblog some Hadestown stuff which is a play that I’ve never seen but definitively would because the protagonists look hot

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT DOES IT MEAN

it took me three hours to do this but it was fun!! thank you bb <3

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headoverjojo · 4 years

Note

Could I request a story about Formaggio and Mista being old friends from childhood and meeting again while in the mafia? Idk something about that scenario is amazing to me. I love your blog!

Hi darling!! Absolutely YES aaaaaa I love this :,) So, a couple of things: 1. This hints my Formaggio lore, so no one’s forced to agree on it! Everyone has their opinion and that’s the pretty thing! 2. Formaggio has a name. Like, a real one, not one come straight from a groceries list. Yatta!

This said, I hope you’ll enjoy it :3

Formaggio and Guido Mista, who have been old friend from childhood, meet again while they’re in Passione

(Under the cut for lenght!)

Mista swallowed, feeling a bit nervous. Why right him… He wasn’t new to bring messages around, as Bruno, even if he wasn’t Caporegime, had to act in Polpo’s place, as Polpo himself had ordered, but this time it was too much.

Why did Lady Luck turned her face to him, this time? Why had he have to be the one to bring Polpo’s message to the infamous Squadra Esecuzioni? And, especially, didn’t the Squadra Esecuzioni take orders just from the Boss? Then why was Polpo contacting them?!

Mista took a deep breath, stopping in front of the door the Caporegime indicated as the assassins’ hideout. It was nothing out of the ordinary, just an old and slightly ruined door near to other old and ruined doors… but, in the end, it made sense: they had to blend with their surroundings. He sighed, muttering to the Pistols, who were grumbling from under his hat, to shut up, and, finally, he knocked.

Few, long seconds passed without anyone answering. Maybe this was the wrong door…?

Finally, a noise from inside announced someone’s arrival and the door was opened.

“Who the fuck i- Guido?!” Mista’s jaw almost dropped to the ground when he saw that red, short and messy hair, unmistakable even if the last time he had seen it it had been years ago. How the hell…

“Valerio?!” Mista choked when the other man put a hand on his mouth at really high speed, warning him to shut the hell up.

“Shhhh!! No one knows my real name, Gu! I go by Formaggio now.” he hissed, looking around to be sure no one heard their short exchange. Mista snorted against the assassin’s hand, letting him basically dragging him inside. He slapped Formaggio’s hand away the moment the assassin closed the door, still snorting.

“Formaggio? Among all the nicknames you could choose you picked Formaggio?!” the older man rolled his eyes, while Mista’s eyes were tearing due to the effort he was making not to laugh. Typical…

“Well, I had to fit the group’s aesthetic. But what are you doing here? Do you know how lucky you have been? Like, if Ghiaccio had opened the door you would have found yourself freezed and probably without a finger or worse!” Formaggio led him to the empty living room, where two armchairs and two couches were positioned around a small coffee table.

“No, don’t use the armchairs; one is Capo’s and the other… well, things might have happened here, so use the couches.” Mista jumped away from the armchair, going to sit on the same couch as Formaggio.

“Man, what do you think? You know that I have Lady Luck at my side.” Formaggio snorted, resting his back on a couch pillow. Oh, so he still believed it!

“Yeah, yeah, and number four is still your unlucky number. Anyway, Lady Luck must have not been so prone to help you, today, or you wouldn’t be here.” Formaggio observed, amused. Mista shrugged, relaxing on the couch.

“Or maybe she sent me here to meet you. You just disappeared in thin air, Vale! Where the hell have you been? What happened?” Mista asked, turning to watch him. Formaggio sighed, rubbing his forehead. Well, that was hard…

“Do you remember when dad died? Yeah, grandma Zita hosted me for a while, may God bless that woman, but y’annow, I couldn’t live there forever. Grandma Zita had her own squadron of grandchildren and, well… I felt like a burden.” Mista frowned, hearing his words. If only he had known…

“But, Vale, you could have asked us. You know we would have hosted you, you were, like, one of the family! Dude, aunt Lia knitted a scarf for you and she doesn’t do it even for her own grandchildren! Shit, we’ve known each other since the day we’ve been born, how could you think we wouldn’t have helped you?” Mista asked, feeling kinda lost. Did he and his family do something that maybe had pissed him off to the point to make him refuse even to think to ask them for help? If so, what? He had to know…!

“Gu, I’ve already told you: I didn’t want to be a burden. I also didn’t want to be a burden to your family too. I… I wanted to make it alone. You know… to prove to that piece of shit that I could manage to survive alone. That I wasn’t worthless as he thought.” he answered, shrugging. Mista grimaced, hearing those bitter, bitter words said with so much nonchalance. Typical of him… before he could say or ask anything, like “And what are you doing here?”, Formaggio spoke.

“Gu, would you like to explain me how the hell did you end up in Passione? And with a stand too! No, don’t be so surprised, your little ones are mumbling under your hat. So?” Mista pouted, as amazed now like when he was a child by Valerio’s -no, Formaggio- intuition. He always seemed a fool, someone who could be easily deceived, but the truth was that Formaggio wasn’t a fool nor he could be easily deceived. Since their childhood days, when little Mista played soccer with Roberto the Tippler’s son, he had noticed that the other boy, just few years older than him, was fast to understand other people’s intentions and how to act. He was able to hide behind a veil of foolish brightness his true brain and, so, no one had ever managed to deceive him or to make him do something he didn’t want to.

“Weeeell, let’s say that… I’ve done something to defend a woman and this led me in jail. Bucciarati found me there and recruited me and here I am! Ah! I’ve almost forgotten: Bucciarati sent me here to give to your team this, from Polpo.” the gunman fished from his pocket a sealed letter. Formaggio, at the mention of Polpo, grew serious, and with the same seriousness he took the letter.

“I’ll give it to my Capo… Gu, you’d better go back. You know… Bucciarati might grow anxious, if you stay in the wolf’s lair too long.” Mista snorted, amused, before getting up with Formaggio. Melodramatic idiot…

“But we should meet again, one of these days. I’m going to offer you a beer, so I don’t accept a no as answer.” Formaggio huffed a laugh, lifting his hands in a pliable gesture.

“Ah, if you pay for my beer it’s a big yes from me. So, until next time, Gu, be safe, hm? And if you see aunt Lia and uncle Raniero, say hi from me, yeah? It would be nice to see them again.” Mista nodded, smiling and wheezing a laugh when he gave him a quick but strong hug, followed by few pats on his shoulders, right like when they were just children. Some things never changed…

“I’ll do. Be safe too, eh? Aunt Lia will kill me if you even get a scratch, you know.” Mista waved his hand, keeping the other in his trousers’ pocket, walking backwards, with that big smile that, Formaggio knew from their last months together, always made girls’ hearts tremble. The man shook his head, still smiling, even when Mista was now far away. What an unexpected meeting…

He took the letter, now with a serious gaze. Another “extra” task, it seemed… he put it back inside his gilet, closing the door and slowly walking to Risotto’s office, shooting a grieving gaze to one of the empty armchairs. Maybe things were about to change, finally…

And they would have had their revenge.

#jjba #vento aureo #la squadra di esecuzione #bruno's gang #formaggio #guido mista #formaggio and mista are old friends #they meet again #scenario #sfw #anon ask

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thecoleopterawithana · 5 years

Note

Hello! I really adore your blog and all the work you put into it! It's well appriciated. Anyways, a real question - how do you feel about Paul and Jane's relationship? Because it confuses me on so many levels. I find it very hard to believe she didn't know about his many affairs while they were together, yet the public reason for their break up is his adultery with Francie who denied that (I mean who even reported that?). 1/3

The other thing that confuses me is the fact that he was writing basically break up songs (but I didn’t register a lot of love there tbh) back in 66 and they somehow managed to last until 68, even though they totally didn’t give the impression of a good match (her ambition and his desire for housewife/bachelor life) nor did they seem as if they loved each other very much (at least publically).

The last part of the question, are you aware of a love song he wrote for her? I know some people think Here There and Everywhere but her brother apparently disagrees. Anyways, these are just my feelings and idk if I am not under a wrong impression here or something. I also don’t want it to sound like I am theoretizing here about it being a cover up for mclennon - because I am not! I think of it more as a publicity stunt for publicity…

…(even though I think it evolved into that over the course of time and it began more like Paul showing off with this pretty actress he managed to woo). What do you think? Thank you for your answer and sorry for the lenght, haha! R. 😎

Hey there! Thank you so much for the ask and a million apologies for taking so long to answer! It’s just that I had no opinion to speak of, at the time.

I was just beginning to attempt getting a grasp on Paul– and to better comprehend my main interest of Lennon/McCartney– and hadn’t branched into the other people in his life yet. But to reach a true understanding, it is crucial to look at the full picture; and Jane was very much part of that picture, during a long and formative time!

Now, I must warn you that I’m nowhere near a Jane Asher connoisseur! This post comes with the disclaimer that I don’t feel adequately informed to answer it. But you asked, and it has been sitting in my inbox long enough, so… take my personal opinions for what they (always) are: honest (but probably flawed) attempts at understanding the emotional workings of human beings, based on the information available to me at the time.

But because I feel like there is more information out there that I just didn’t find in the targeted research for this post, I urge more knowledgeable fans to give their contributions and/or correct me if I make some factual mistake.

So, disclaimer given, here’s the actual answer:

I understand and empathize with your confusion regarding their relationship. I think it’s just a feeling that arises from the lack of information. After all, theirs was a relationship under intense public scrutiny from the very beginning, but whose actual inner workings were kept – through the effort of both parties – determinately private and personal. That’s always how Paul prefered it. And, effectively demonstrated by her resolute silence since, so has Jane.

The main feeling I get from Paul and Jane is that they were both incredibly similar people, who also had somewhat separate interests. And this seems to have been both what attracted them to one another, and what eventually made them grow apart.

Both of them were very socially adept; “good mixers”. Brian Sommerville (the Beatles’ publicity manager from 1963-1964) describes Jane as “a very sweet, extroverted girl […] bright, very conversational and full of fun”. This kind of sounds like Paul at his most gregarious.

They were incredibly intelligent. And if Jane was cultured and knowledgeable, Paul was intensely curious, and soon became cultured and knowledgeable himself. And Paul himself openly admits that he was always attracted to “intelligent and talented people”.

And we must acknowledge that the Asher’s lifestyle as a whole was something that captivated Paul (enough to have him literally move in with them as soon as he could). It had been instilled into him from early on, after all, this great appreciation for education and the drive to do better and rise out of his circumstances.

[My parents] aspired to a better life. That idea that we had to get out of here, we had to do better than this. This was okay for everyone else in the street but we could do better than this. She was always moving to what she saw as a better place to bring her kids up.

[…]

My parents aspired for us, very much indeed. That is one of the great things you can find in ordinary people. My mum wanted me to be a doctor. ‘My son the doctor’ - and her being a nurse, too. No problem there. And my dad, who left school at fourteen, would have loved me to be a great scientist, a great university graduate. I always feel grateful for that. I mean, God, I certainly fulfilled their aspirations, talk about overachieving! That was all bred into me, that.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

People call Paul a “social climber” to demean him; and because the term is used to attack him, others defend him by saying his relationship with Jane had nothing to do with social climbing. But I don’t think this should be derogatory in the first place!

Paul was ambitious; he did want to gain a higher social status. Not because he felt that made him inherently better than others; he’d just been raised to feel a sense of responsibility for being the best that he could be, and not live in poverty anymore! And what’s wrong with that, I’d like to know?

All the Beatles wanted success, fame and status, so all of them were social climbers, in a sense.

So what if one of the things that attracted Paul to Jane was that she was educated and cultured? It seems like a perfectly valid reason to be genuinely into someone to me.

Of course, both of them were beautiful. As Tony Barrow (the Beatles’ press officer) put it: “There was something about seeing them together that was magical. With those two gorgeous faces and all that incredible charisma, they looked like a couple of Greek gods.” So the physical attraction was also obviously there.

And I don’t doubt that Paul was proud to have such a beautiful, talented and interesting person as a girlfriend, and might have felt like showing her off to friends. But I don’t think that lessens how enamoured they were with one another. If the whole relationship was being performed for outwards appreciation, I feel like there’d be a lot more performing going on. Instead, they never revealed more than they needed to, nor did they stop living to hide from the public eye.

If there publicity strategies to it, they never came from Brian Epstein himself, who actually thought that the Beatles having girlfriends was a marketing mistake:

There was a considerable difference of opinion over the Jane Asher situation. Brian made a terrible fuss about it, saying that it would offend the fans. But, in effect, Paul just told him to mind his own business. Brian was probably just being over-cautious, and Paul more far-sighted, knowing that that sort of thing didn’t matter. But at the time it was a textbook rule of publicity that the artist must appear single and available.

— Brian Sommerville, in Chris Salewicz’s McCartney (1986).

So the relationship wasn’t arranged as a publicity stunt. I feel like everything points to them just genuinely liking each other.

(And now just an honest question to those of you who’ve been longer in the fandom: is George’s relationship with Pattie Boyd also suspected to be a publicity stunt? Because I don’t know if this has just escaped my notice, or if this claim is something that afflicts only Paul and Jane specifically. And if so, why do you think that is?)

But going back to their similarities, both Jane and Paul were incredibly independent, self-assured and work-oriented. And I think it was the clash of their strong personalities that actually caused the bumps in the relationship.

Paul likes to be in control of himself and to some extent the environment around him. And he’d grown up in a society where it was acceptable for that to extend to his girlfriends.

John and I lusted after Brigitte Bardot in our teen yearsand tried to make our girlfriends look like her. […] I had a girlfriend called Dot, Dorothy Rohne, who was my steady girlfriend forquite a long time in Liverpool. She and John’s girlfriend, later wife, CynthiaPowell, came over to Hamburg and I remember buying her a leather skirt andencouraging her to grow her hair long so she’d look like Brigitte.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

Jane, of course, wasn’t willing to be moulded so easily.

That’s typical Paul [wanting me to stay inside the George V Hotel with the band instead of going out by myself to see Paris]. It’s just so silly of me to stay at the hotel. It’s just that he’s so insecure. For instance, he keeps saying he’s not interested in the future, but he must be because he says it so often. The trouble is, he wants the fans’ adulation and mine too. He’s so selfish, it’s his biggest fault. He can’t see that my feelings for him are real and that the fans’ are fantasy. Of course, it’s the trouble with all boys.

—Jane Asher, c/o Michael Braun, Love Me Do!: The Beatles’ Progress. (1964)

This little passage shows us Jane’s insights into the “darker” sides of Paul’s character that other’s wouldn’t often see. His insecurities: fear that Jane would betray him, anxieties about the future and his need to be liked. And this level of understanding shows either an incredible perceptiveness and emotional intelligence on Jane’s part, or it is another sign of how close they were and how well they knew each other.

That Paul was understood like that by another person is extremely important! As he was reported saying after their breakup in 1968:

Jane wasn’t just my woman, she was my closest friend. I’ve told her everything inside me. She knows what makes me tick down to things that happened as a kid. I went right through all the stuff about my mother dying and how I dealt with that. With Jane, I could just relax completely and be myself and that seemed to be what she wanted. With the other women, I’m a fucking millionaire rock star who just happens to be about as shallow as a puddle.

—in Alistair Taylor’s With the Beatles (2003).

Or just before that, as observed during the extensive interviews for the Beatles’ authorized biography, in 1967:

[Paul’s] life is much quieter and more ordered now. Paul is very communicative about himself, unlike the others. He talks everything over with Jane. She knows what he’s thinking.

— in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

And I can’t stress enough how significant it is that Paul was open in such a way! It just shows how much he respected and trusted Jane.

And I think she also trusted him. With this I don’t mean to say that she trusted him not to sleep around; I don’t believe for a minute she didn’t know about it. And because she doesn’t exactly seem like the kind of person who would endure it if she was actually betrayed and hurt by this, my personal opinion is that this was a given; something known and accepted between them. And probably not just one-way either. They spent long periods apart, after all, and I think both Paul and Jane had agreed between themselves that it was okay to have affairs. I don’t know exactly the specifics of it, or if this was revoked when they got engaged.

But I don’t think that was the (main) reason the engagement was called off either.

It is clear they enjoyed the other’s company, from the amount of time they spent on outings and holidays alone together. But both also seem rather uncompromising in respects to their personal careers, and that probably lead to clashes. During 1965 they spend a lot of time apart when Jane pursues her acting career in Bristol Old Vic company.

My whole existence for so long centred around a bachelor life. I didn’t treat women as most people do. I’ve always had a lot around, even when I’ve had a steady girl. My life generally has always been very lax, and not normal.

I knew it was selfish. It caused a few rows. Jane left me once and went off to Bristol to act. I said OK then, leave, I’ll find someone else. It was shattering to be without her.

— Paul McCartney, in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

Paul’s frustrations were exercised through ‘We Can Work It Out’ and ‘I’m Looking Through You’:

I wrote quite a lot of stuff up in that room actually [in Jane Asher’s family home]. I’m Looking Through You I seem to remember after an argument with Jane. There were a few of those moments. […]

As is one’s wont in relationships, you will from time to time argue or not see eye to eye on things, and a couple of the songs around this period were that kind of thing. This one I remember particularly as me being disillusioned over her commitment. She went down to the Bristol Old Vic quite a lot around this time. Suffice to say that this one was probably related to that romantic episode and I was seeing through her façade. And realising that it wasn’t quite all that it seemed. I would write it out in a song and then I’ve got rid of the emotion. I don’t hold grudges so that gets rid of that little bit of emotional baggage. I remember specifically this one being about that, getting rid of some emotional baggage. ‘I’m looking through you, and you’re not there!’

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

You’re thinking of me the same old wayYou were above me, but not todayThe only difference is you’re down thereI’m looking through you and you’re nowhere

Why, tell me why, did you not treat me right? Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight

I’m looking through you, where did you go I thought I knew you, what did I know You don’t look different, but you have changedI’m looking through you, you’re not the same

Paul was especially shaken by this episode when it became apparent that she might actually leave him for her other boyfriend:

I remember more one time when she was working at the Bristol Old Vic and she’d got a boyfriend in Bristol and was going to leave me for him. That was wildly traumatic, that was ‘Uhhhh!’ Total rejection!

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

So to lead a better life, Paul needs his love to be here, but Jane was pursuing her own dreams:

Jane loved acting and Jane loved Paul, but she wasn’t about to give one up for the other. […] Of all the plum roles that had come her way, the Subservient Beatles Woman was the only one Jane Asher refused to play. […] She had too much going for her to take a backseat to anyone, much less her mate. From the beginning, Paul had a hard time keeping up with her. Jane’s diary, which she lived by, was a clutter of fascinating appointments and social commitments. “I was amazed by the diary,” Paul admitted. “I’ve never known people who stuffed so much into a day.” There were auditions, meetings with television and movie producers, vocal lessons, acting classes, fittings, gallery debuts, screenings, recitals, opening nights. […] “Paul was clearly in awe of her,” says Peter Brown.

— in Bob Spitz’s The Beatles: The Biography (2005).

And though they both loved culture and the swinging London scene, Jane wasn’t into all the drugs or the rock-n’-roll world. So when they moved together to Cavendish in March 1966, their slightly different social circles often didn’t mix well.

At Wimpole Street, he and Jane had kept their social lives mainly separate. At Cavendish, she naturally wanted to entertain her theatre friends, and the mix of luvvies and rockers could sometimes be awkward. One evening when she had some fellow actors to dinner, Paul arrived home with John, who–whether the result of drink or pot or just plain Lennonness–was at his most maliciously provocative. When one of the actresses at the table nervously requested an ashtray, he knelt beside her and facetiously offered one of his nostrils for the purpose. Jane, with her usual sangfroid, simply extended a foot and pushed him over.

— in Phillip Norman’s Paul McCartney: The Biography (2016).

On this same month, during a skiing holiday in Switzerland, Paul writes ‘For No One’.

It was very nice and I remember writing 'For No One’ there.I suspect it was about another argument. I don’t have easy relationships withwomen, I never have. I talk too much truth.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

It’s interesting to me that Paul’s problem in his relationship with women is “talking too much truth”. But by the lyrics in the song, we see that once again Paul is struggling with Jane’s self-reliance and her perceived lack-of-interest for him (which I also find endlessly ironic):

She wakes up, she makes upShe takes her time and doesn’t feel she has to hurryShe no longer needs you

You want her, you need herAnd yet you don’t believe her when she says her love is deadYou think she needs you

You stay home, she goes outShe says that long ago she knew someone but now he’s goneShe doesn’t need him

Your day breaks, your mind achesThere will be times when all the things she said will fill your headYou won’t forget her

And in her eyes you see nothingNo sign of love behind the tearsCried for no oneA love that should have lasted years!

The next big separation comes in 1967, when Jane goes on a tour of the US for the first five months of the year. This was, of course, a time of tectonic changes within the Beatles and in Paul’s life.

When I came back after five months, Paul had changed so much. He was on LSD which I hadn’t shared. I was jealous of the spiritual experiences he’d had with John.

—Jane Asher, in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

It must have been extremely disorientating to come back to the tripping, summer-of-love, looking-for-the-Meaning Paul. But to their credit, they did try to get to know one another again; reconnect:

On Jane’s return from America, she and Paul made a last-ditch stand to consolidate their relationship. Jane, unusually, even accompanied Paul to a recording session on 20 July 1967 […] Two days after the session, Jane accompanied Paul to Greece with the other Beatles. In August Jane was with him on the trip to Bangor to be initiated by the Maharishi, and during the difficult days following Brian’s death she was clearly a great source of strength and comfort to him; someone familiar and safe he could trust and confide in; someone with all the attributes of a wife. They spent the first three weeks of December alone together in Paul’s remote Scottish farmhouse and four days later, on Christmas Day, 1967, they announced to Paul’s family - perhaps slightly to their own surprise - their engagement.

— in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

Jane and Paul make a very loving and lovely couple. Everyone agrees on this. […] Paul and Jane have more time together, on their own, than probably the other Beatle couples. They do get away together, to places like their Scottish home, thanks to Jane. They were the first to want to move to the country for good, to a quieter smaller house, which John and George now also want to do.

—in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

When they got engaged, on Christmas Day 1967, all these problems were in the past. Maharishi, for a long time, was the only little point of difference, although it was all amicable. Jane didn’t fall for him when the others did, although she understood the attraction. She would obviously have preferred to try to reach a spiritual state on their own. Paul wasn’t as committed as George and John when he went with Jane to India in 1968, but he felt there was something there that would help him, that might answer his questions. So Jane agreed to go with him.

— in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

Suffice it to say, Paul didn’t get his answers. In fact, the reality he knew was about to crumble.

The summer of 1968 was a horrible storm of drugs, anxiety and heartbreak, where he had to take care of this budding enterprise while managing a band and losing both his partners. And I think Alistair Taylor’s descriptions of a completely wrecked Paul reflect all of that.

It’s curious then how Paul recalls his reaction to the calling off of the engagement later:

I don’t remember [his and Jane’s eventual] breakup as being traumatic, really. I remember more one time when she was working at the Bristol Old Vic and she’d got a boyfriend in Bristol and was going to leave me for him. That was wildly traumatic, that was ‘Uhhhh!’ Total rejection! We got back together again but I had already gone through that when we eventually split up. It seemed it had to happen. It felt right.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

They were eventually both at peace with the decision. Paul has expressed that he had an intuitive unconscious reticence over actually marrying Jane. And Jane herself had felt that they’d grown too much and apart as people. She surmises:

“And I had four [wonderful years].

“No, it wasn’t love at first sight on my side. It was several months before I felt at all certain. And of course, I was young. Only seventeen. Inevitably, one changes. After all, Paul himself was only twenty when we met.

“I knew in my bones that the break must inevitably come a long time before it actually happened. Although we had this emotional thing for each other, we found it difficult to be really happy together.”

I remembered, then, the character in another play who had cried: “I am not offering you happiness, but love.” And I remembered, too, how that great J. L. Garvin had once told me when I was Jane’s age: “Everything in life makes either for happiness or experience.”

“And sometimes the experience is more important,” I suggested now.

She nodded as she got up to go.

“I long to improve as an actress and I hope what’s happened to me will make me understand more fully the characters I am asked to play. Anyway, I promise you, I wouldn’t not have had it happen. I mean, I am very, very grateful for those four years. And I am not going to look back in bitterness or anger, but only forward.

“People are such bores who make a drama out of their lost loves. In every case someone has to fall out of love first.”

—Jane Asher, interview w/ Godfrey Winn for The Australian Women’s Weekly: Girl with a broken love affair. (April 23rd, 1969)

So here’s my overview of Paul and Jane.

I feel like their relationship was very genuine and organic, so much so that they eventually grew in different directions. But they were nevertheless very important and formative figures in each other’s lives.

And it was personally very interesting for me to see this side of Paul too, the one whose needs are left unmet by a driven, work-oriented, independent partner, and how he reacted to that.

Jane herself is an awesome woman in her own right, and I loved this chance to get to know her a little better.

As for love songs written from Paul to Jane, I would ask for the help of more well-informed fans! I’m sure many of the feelings expressed in his love songs were also inspired in part by his experiences with Jane. Is there one particular song out there which has been stated to be about her?

#asks me why #jane asher #paul mccartney #the beatles #John Lennon #there are two sides to me

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a-room-of-my-own · 5 years

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You know at first it didn't bother me to see posts that would say "vagina owners" or stuff like that because it felt like a, at times quirky/funny, way to speak about women's issues and also I thought it was good bc everyone who's concerned was included aka trans ppl too but at this point it's getting increasingly frustrating to see all the lenghts ppl will go to to avoid saying "woman" when talking about women's issues like I know there's good intent behind this (1/3)

but I find myself thinking more and more "pls I'm begging you just say woman" especially since I've also started to notice that somehow language doesn't change to include trans ppl when it comes to men's issues like I've never seen "penis owners" or similar things to refer to men which is a double standard i don't get at all and tbh I'm getting also increasingly uncomfortable by this way of talking as it feels very reductive and idk dehumanizing (maybe?) (2/3)

like I just wish ppl would stop with this and go back to calling women's issues what they are : women's issues or idk at least find something better than "vagina owners" and the like though I'm not sure what could possibly be better... 🤔(3/3)

---

Well, at first I was like you, I thought it was a funny way to talk about women's issues. When I understood it was to include trans-women, I thought it was dumb. Trans-women know they're not women, and that women's health issues are no concern to them. Saying this vocabulary was used to include trans-women meant people considered them delusional.

But as we've all started to see since the last couple of years, there is no clear difference made between transsexual people and fetishists / transvestites anymore. And neither is one made between what we call now "dysphoric" people, and delusional ones. So this was a clear admission that people were trying to accommodate fetishists and delusional people.

Then, there's the fact, as you said, that only women's issues were treated like this, only women were supposed to be inclusive. No one calls men sperm-producers or prostate-owners to include trans-men! The media isn't saturated with stunningly brave stories (or bravely stunning) of awesome transmen doing X things much better than men. No one is writing essays about how trans-men are much better men than men because their masculinity wasn't handled to them on a plate.

That doesn't happen because everyone knows trans-men are women, and most of the time, lesbians.

So if course the whole thing is dehumanizing because our own material reality, the words we use to talk about ourselves are being stolen. Our reality as women is denied! Our biology is denied! We're just fleeting body parts, dismembered dolls in denial.

The only thing to do is resisting this. Calling things by their names, not being afraid to offend. Stand your ground. Don't accommodate. It sucks to be the day's bad guy but sometimes you have to.

#gender critical

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sole-cuore-amore-e-droga · 5 years

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Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Slovenia to Eurovision with a dreamy couple

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Oh boi, now here comes another NF I wasn’t interested in. I don’t hate EMA as a thing, it’s just that it’s infamous for not listening to what people want most of the time, often axing their faves (BQL, Raiven, Nika Zorjan, even going as far back as Saša Lendero and Nina Pušlar...). This year it seemed like Raiven finally had what it takes with her post-dubstep-era dubstep tune, “Kaos”. BUT did she go? Oh nope

Instead we got possibly the best thing that ever happened to Slovenia. That thing is this one entry sung by a cute crossover of Lorde and that trombone fetus thing from Courage the Cowardly Dog (well, at least she looks better than him, hence why ‘cute’), Zala Kralj, and she has her 2-year-long partner Gašper Šantl by her side too, to make up the musical part for the couple’s Eurovision 2019 entry for Slovenia, “Sebi”.

Let’s start reviewing this by complimenting its atmosphere. It’s cosmic. It’s pure. It’s pleasant. I feel like I’m floating among the stars... in the same way as if someone is projecting a star backdrop on a wall and I’m just against the projection, dancing silly. I feel like I’m covered in stardust. This is achieved by the composition of the song, which is very melodic, although a bit background-music-like. It incorporates a lot of those softened hi-hats, soaring synth waves and harmonious additional backing vocals (I think I heard those? whatever that was that adds more depth and gorgeousness to the song...). The lyrics are also cute, the poetry here is pretty fascinating, and I love the hints of intimacy and nature. The chorus reminds me that you have to stay true to what you are and who you stand for, and you don’t need to apologize for being different. Something along the lines of this. And Zala sounds like a person that could do a vocal ASMR therapy - and I imagine that as something that gives tingles to my neck everytime I hear it. You just need to strip the melody away and let me listen to more of those silent, soft-spoken, eerie whispers, and usually I feel creeped out and want it to stop, but at the same time it’s seducing and oddly enough I want some more.

This song has its faults though - it’s supposedly the song being repetitive (look at that chorus’ lyrics, just repeating 3 lines during it doesn’t really suffice, especially with the song being composed like THAT), Zala’s vocals being so hauntingly chill they even sound too calming or too monotonous, and this song is a simple electronic track with it just flowing all so well? Like, it’s something you’d find more on an unknown project’s Bandcamp page and that project usually has 1500 views or so on their videos. It’s a soothing ocean, it’s a galaxy, but sometimes the silence overwhelms you too much you just want to fucking scream... or fall asleep and miss the beauty of it all.

So as a whole it’s a stellar ride through galaxies and supernovas: the song. Great production, slight lo-fi vibe (idk how to explain it but everything here feels so... hmm... soft tune and quiet vocals make it to be something of the more indie-er side of a lower-cost production I suppose?) and sparks of pure bliss raining down on me whenever I remember or hear it. Truly, truly some indie goodness.

The most interesting part? The guys seem too overwhelmed about their Eurovision experience! Sure, Eurovision doesn’t require a too-laidback approach from the participants, but there always are Eurovision non-enthusiasts (seriously, don’t yell at Eurovision participants on Youtube comments when they fail to recognize a language of a song’s from a previous year! Just because they didn’t hear it and/or forgot the language, doesn’t mean they need to be put at stake), or those who just didn’t expect to win their NFs and then are like “shit um now I need to do something about that Eurovision thing I guess”. Salvador never really watched it before, AWS didn’t really hope to participate in Eurovision at the early stages of their NF, now we don’t really hear much Eurovision news and shit from these two Slovenians... well except of them releasing a shortened version of their song so it could comply to Eurovision’s lenght rules (giving it an apt sub title - “Dare to Dream Version”), declaring that one line of the song’s will be sung in English so that everyone not speaking in Slovenian could understand it better (just like Lea sang the end of “Hvala, ne!” in Portuguese because... well we all understand either of them, do we? lol) and that their staging will be similar to the one they had in EMA, and that their stage clothes won’t be the same but of a similar light color. They do have Eurovision in mind, but not quite as much as some other participants, and that’s perfectly fine. As long as they do their job right, that matters.

Approval factor: I may let you in on a little secret here - this is, in fact, my absolute favourite Slovenian entry this decade, if not overall. I have a hard time approving Slovenian entries because they end up lacking something at the end. This one... kinda fits in well with me, so Zala and Gašper did enough of THAT to warrant a big fat thumbs up for me.

Follow-up factor: Wasn't a big fan of Lea's song, BUT I can confirm that she started something good for Slovenia in Eurovision, especially after qualifying. And the couple certainly continued it, so it moves on well! ^^

Qualification factor: Now that's an interesting question... I might be wrong but a part of me fears for them to become the fan favourite duo/couple with a really pretty song that doesn’t qualify, like it already happened to Norma John and ZiBBZ before. They even have been drawn to semifinal 1, ffs. But maybe there’s still a spark of hope somewhere for the two, and I’d be inclined to believe that there is. I don’t wanna see sLOVEnia flop on the year I like their song, ffs. So I’m seeing a borderline result for thee, you the nation of usually fairly-underrated songs. Maybe this cosmic sea beauty will be in them finals.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

So, EMA 2019, eh? I guess that was a thing that happened. I at least admire the fact that they used dancing robots for their “not-so-postcards-but-postcards” that played before each performance (I mean, you’d get camera shots of the stage being set up for the act to perform next with their info graphic in the NF’s LED background and next to it there was a re-creation of The Creation of Adam with the other hand being one of a robot’s <3, then cut to EMA’s visual design of the year and the dancing robot person, another shot to the performing act, and then lights out). They had a good time there. And there was a duet singing Salvador Sobral’s ESC winning song, one of them performed by a person who had to be Salvador for a TV show. Ah, fun. I wasn’t all in up for the she-bang (instead I watched A Dal Semi 2 and Supernoval final on that night), but I got some other goodies that I noticed that people noticed before me, for y’all to reminisce. Here are some moments and some songs that lost to this lovely pair:

• So what’s the deal with Raiven, anyway? She’s on the show for her third time, and has already firmly grasped onto the iconic NF partaker’s status, together with.. well... other NF 3-timers (that are mostly from Sweden). This time she went all her way out to prove y’all that “dubstep’s not dead in 2019!!!1″ with her song, “Cows” “Kaos”, and a rather interesting effect show taking place on her face. I don’t know why but Raiven’s and Aly Ryan’s from Germany stagings remind me of each other, maybe because of them being so interesting? Anyway, like as usually, this multicolored songstress failed to grasp the victory of her country’s national final, and honestly, good for that to happen because in my irrelevant opinion, the dubstep in “Kaos” is ridiculously unnecessary and it doesn’t make the song flow very well. Just rework the chorus to make it more suited to the song and maybe it could have worked, as the last 30 seconds and the verses actually rock! I love me some songs that make me feel like I’m listening to sunset transcribed to actual melodies and sounds.

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• The 2015 entrant couple, Raay and Marjetka, are incredibly restless for some reason, and it’s that because they have co-written quite a few songs over the past few years even since their eventual victory as themselves in 2015. Maybe they’re the Slovenian Stig Rästa, probably as in “we loved the Eurovision green room experience so we always want some more!” kind of way. This year they did 2 songs: an electro-swing inspired number about Fridays and “spending some quality time with one’s girls” for the Slovene JESC debutee Ula Ložar and a radio-pop-esque track for a lady named Kim (not Verson). The one that I gravitated towards more will have its video down below and it is probably obvious a bit now. And if it was my will, I’d’ve replaced Raiven with the below lady in the superfinal because... frankly, yet again, I’ll restate that imo it wasn’t Raiven’s year even without the eventual winners having participated...

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• For a country of whose NF’s I didn’t seem to care about, they indeed had quite a few nice numbers. I already shed my thoughts on 2 of them, now here’s another one. Somehow, most countries out there shied away from having rock songs (well except Hungary because I don’t really see any other NF with more than 3 of those clearly audible rock/metal tracks, maybe has to do with the fact they already sent one last year), and as a result, none of the actually submitted ones won because things didn’t really go well with even the slightest rock-sounding songs last year (except one of them almost got into top 10). So one of the rock gems we happened to lose came from Slovenia. INMATE brought the 00s American alt-rock sound that was popular with uncomfortable teens that acted outrageous with their song “Atma” (which somehow means “soul”??). And man they were banging.

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• There’s not much I want to say about the rest of the NF’s gems that you missed. Well, there was one song about horses that is considerably well-received by the fandom, perhaps because of the slow and relaxing ballad sound that surrounds it (but they don’t know the lyrics enough to start hating it). And a song co-written by last year’s Svenskfloppen winner that, as he was destined to, flopped in Melodifestivalen as well. And a decent club track that was actually one of my other favourites, together with “Atma”. And some 00s teen sitcom theme song performed by a completely-careless-about-their-image-band (they call themselves Lumberjack but they dress nothing like ‘em, I assure you) with chill-surfer-attitude-bearing, long-haired lead singer. They brought in a nice vibe at least with their color-splashing LED images and slightly energetic performance. And like I said about how the lead singer looked... well just look at him and try to not see him as a troublemaker teen archetype from a high school rom com or at least irl that can’t score a date:

Damn, Manel Navarro really let himself go.

• Lea Sirk, besides performing the ESC winning song from two years ago in a duet with someone, and obviously re-appearing to be a honourable guest after having won EMA last year after like 4-5 tries, also served her part as a jury member. Y’know, one of those people that maybe visibly or not visibly tried to push Raiven to her eventual EMA win after her 3 tries so that she wouldn’t become an annoying NF hogger for years on end. Well that didn’t happen because the televoters went for the Zalšper couple! You gotta love it when the teleaudience picks that song for Eurovision that is performed by those that didn’t specifically submit it because they wanted Eurovision, right? Well apparently, Lea took the loss of Raiven as a small stab to her heart and was heard complaining about the unexpected outcome (simply not being able to believe Raiven lost), out loud, to the viewing audiences at home and in front of computer screens. Yep, THAT happened... And I couldn’t be bothered to find a clip of it anymore, so instead I’ll post some pictures of a visibly shook Lea with her new hairdye on fleek (I guess that was to reflect Raiven’s love for hair dye?):

noooo why do I have to give a trophy to those whom I did not support to win... well fine I will

With all that out of the way, I just really hope for this lovey-dovey duo all the best possible with having to carry the responsibility of representing a country in a very big European music competition on their shoulders. They aren’t seemingly stressed out themselves from the looks of it (if they were in a Brantsteele’s Hunger Games simulation, they’d be those people who’d pick flowers all the time), but you know what happens when you’re given such a big honour but you let what the honour stands for down, upsetting the others who look up to the honour somehow. Terrible, terrible things. Hope the haters don’t grind these two down if anything happens. Srečno!

#eurovision 2019 #tel aviv 2019 reviews #slovenia 2019 #zala kralj & gašper šantl #sebi #slovenia

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garyfuckingking · 5 years

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My 10 pages long essay and Powerpoint on The World’s End and Gary King

(aka why The World’s End and Gary King are two of the most precious things that exist, aka why I love The World’s End and Gary King)

(Based on my own original idea and written after I read this post - @ineverhadadoubt thanks again for sending it to me-

Also please check out this amazing post about the pubs in the movie.)

(I thought I’d tag some people that seemed to agree with my original post and might be interested in reading this. It’s fine if you don’t btw: @smashing-anarchist-poet @jessefandomunited @shakespeareanmemes @jesusinanalcove @aknownlegend @snovyda @smuggsy @immortal-gamora @doodlerdoodle @zane-garrett @lady-dragonfruit @nogoatshere @hum4n3rror @theforceawakcns @duskteeth - wasn’t gonna tag everyone, some I couldn’t even tag so that’ll do-)

Before I begin, I’d like for you to be aware of a few things.

First off, this is gonna be a very very veeeeeery long post so bare with me if you can. I’m probably gonna keep apologizing for the lenght of it in between two things I’m talking about but I’m passionate, sorry.

It’s also a very big post because there’s pictures and a lot of gifs tbh.

Like... i think like, don’t even try to read this on your phone? Idk what it will do to it. tumblr mobile ain’t that strong i think

There’s so much to be said about this movie.

TW: There’s going to be mentions of suicide, depression, addiction, ...

Also, I’m probably going to forget a lot of the points I’d like to illustrate and talk about, that’s one of the downsides of running on a three hours of sleep schedule.

You can check the tags for some trivia on this whole post.

So if anyone wants to add something, feel free. I’d love for people to give me their opinion on the movie, etc.

I’m also probably not gonna mention the direction of the movie too much. I love Edgar Wright with all my stone-cold heart but if I have to talk about how much of a fucking genius he is when it comes to comedy and his movies, we’re literally gonna be there all week, plus I’m not actually planning on writing a 10 pages long essay -or am I?-.

If you haven’t seen the movie, SPOILER ALERT. Seriously though. There’s some stuff in the movie you probably don’t want to know by reading this if you’re planning on watching it and I’m going to talk about everything so.

Finally, I’m going to talk about why I think the movie is not as popular as Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, and the rest will mostly be about Gary King and why he’s a great character but also why he’s an important one.

Well. Let’s go. This is gonna be a wild ride.

In this essay, I will...

Ok, in all seriousness.

So I guess there’s supposed to be an introduction here. This is very unprofessionnal, and I’ve learned how to write essays so shame on me. Oh, well. We’re here to talk about Gary Fucking King. It’s ok if it’s a mess, the guy’s a living mess on his own. So, when Simon Pegg comes to mind, the Cornetto Trilogy usually does as well. At least, the first movie that you probably think of is Shaun of the Dead. And often, Hot Fuzz is mentionned as well. But I never ever hear anything about the World’s End. God, even Stephen Colbert got the name wrong while talking to Simon, calling it “The End of the World”. Granted the movie wasn’t the subject, but... Why did it happen? Why is The World’s End seen as “the weakest one”, as “not as good as the first two”, is the one people don’t remember, and is assimilited to other weird claims of the sort?

I personally feel like it’s because it’s more layered than the other two movies, actually, it’s a bit more complicated. I’m not saying here “if you didn’t get it you’re dumb” or “only smart people will get the message”. Not at all. I had to watch it a couple of times before I started to get a lot of things about Gary and the movie in general, and even today, when I watch it, I notice new things and tiny details that I never realized were there before. That happens with the whole trilogy because the three movies are amazingly well done, but I feel like it’s harder to grasp with The World’s End. But why?

I think it’s because we directly know what Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are about. The three movies are about more than an apocalyptic scenario or living surrounded by a cult made of murderers. There’s always a message behind the main themes.

With Shaun of the Dead, it’s kind of a given, really. The little introduction of the environment shows you that it looks like the town is filled with z****es before they even actually arrive and just with that, the scene is set, we know what -behind the parody and other elements of the film- Simon and Edgar decided to criticize about society (it becomes deeper with Shaun’s character but I’ll get to that later, same with Angel).

In Hot Fuzz, the critic of society is a bit more subtle, but still there for people to see. That’s the point right? Send a message without making you feel like you’re “being thaught a lesson”, or something like that, and these movies do it brilliantly. Because that’s the thing. People watching the Cornetto Trilogy sit down in front of their screen to have a good time, have a laugh and go one with their day. But The World’s End is different. It’s still extremely funny, but it doesn’t give off the same vibe as SotD and HF. You feel like there’s something more, you feel that it’s actually a tragic movie.

Yes, it still has the same kind of message, here with how much of a fuck up a human being can be, how humans are stubborn even if they make mistakes, but that it’s part of life and a word with “perfect beings” wouldn’t necessarily be better. It’s about growing up and accepting that you have to leave your childhood or teenage years at some point, and all that stuff surrounding these themes. You think it was the better part of your life, but often... it isn’t (again, I’ll come back to this later). It’s just harder to grasp because of the tone and maybe because people don’t like to hear this kind of things.

So the problem is, people often miss (or dismiss) the point.

I don’t think you know about this but there’s this French website called Betaseries.

On it, you can have an account and have a list with the tv shows you’re currently watching or the films you’ve watched or want to watch.

You can download subtitles for the new episodes you wanna watch if you need them, you can rate movies, comment to give your opinion, you can tick which episodes you’ve seen so that you can keep track of what you’re watching and not forget where you’re at, etc. Pretty useful website, I’m always on it.

So, I obviously went to see what people thought of The World’s End. It’s got a good enough rating, really, 3.62 out of 5 stars. It’s not a four or a five but only because of two users who didn’t like it all that much. So I read their reviews. One was a 2/5 and one was a 3/5:

“To summarize the movie: the world is invaded by a pacifist extra-terrestrial entity that kills human to exchange them with clones but that accept to leave the planet if you ask (with insults, please!) ???

To use one of the movie’s favorite expression: WTF?????!!!!!

I liked the story of “Shaun of the Dead” better ^^”

“Having liked "Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz”, I was impatient to see Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg’s new movie, unfortunately, it isn’t as “good” as the last two. Technically perfect, the story drags on and the mid-life crisis Simon Pegg’s character goes through becomes tedious after some time… but not everything’s good for the trash! The English humor is really present, the play-on-words, the references… you don’t mind watching it. I feel like you need to watch it a second time to appreciate its real worth.

Naturally, watching it in VO is absolutely necessary.”

The other people that commented had all 4 or 5 stars and were only saying that the movie was very funny, therefore enjoyable and good.

I think that’s the thing. When you think “Cornetto Trilogy”, you think “having a good time”. You watch it, you can see that there’s a message behind it, but you don’t spend your time focusing on it or looking for it, because it’s usually pretty simple to get. You pay more attention to the comedy, the references, etc.

And that is where The World’s End becomes different. It’s not focused on the comedy or the references (well, yes it is and it’s still incredibly funny, it was meant to be), but you have to focus on what is actually going on with Gary King to get it all. That’s why the big meanie leaves “just because they asked”. Remember what it says before leaving (and destroying the world btw)?

That’s something that’s been said to Gary a few times throughout the movie, but here, it’s clearly aimed at the three of them, hence at the humans, because they’re speaking for their entire race. That’s why it leaves. Because the message is “it’s pointless arguing with humans, they’re going to do whatever they want anyway, you can’t change their mind, etc., they have to learn thanks to their own mistakes so you have to let them make them, not force them to be perfect.” This kind of things.

But when you read the reviews above... These are the only two reviews where you can see that they really tried to get what was going on, but maybe missed it, and because of that, they didn’t like the movie all that much and rated it badly. Gary King isn’t just going through “a mid-life crisis”. He really isn’t. There is so much more to him that it drives me actually crazy that this movie isn’t as praised as the rest of the trilogy. Literally nuts.

With that being said, I think it’s time to really get into who Gary King is, why he is such an amazing character and why there’s more to him than a “mid-life crisis”. So I’m going to talk about him (obviously), about his effect on others, about his relationship with his friends, his addiction, etc., and why it just makes the plot so much better. I hope you’re still with me. And that it’s been understandable up to this point because I really can’t express my ideas the way I want to easily, sorry about that.

The Cornetto trilogy doesn’t just have these hidden messages, morals, … A common thing between these movies is that the characters played by Simon Pegg are all flawed. They’re just flawed human beings. And these characters have to work on themselves to become better. The plot is usually what makes them realize things and help them grow to become their best self.

In Shaun of the Dead, Shaun is going nowhere with his life, he’s stuck in a routine with a dead-end job and a relationship he’s screwing up because Liz is the only one working on it. It’s not that he hates his life, but he doesn’t do anything to make it better either, he doesn’t really see the point. . He’s just there so he does what he’s got to do, but he doesn’t get out of his way to do more. And like Pete says, Shaun needs to sort his life out and do something. Here, killing z****e is apparently the way to a healthy and more positive life. (and no, I will not say the z-word and you shouldn’t either)

In Hot Fuzz, Nicholas Angel puts his work before anything else. That’s why his very serious relationship ended, it even caused him to be disliked by his colleagues and superiors. Like Janine says, he won’t ever be able to turn off if he doesn’t find someone he cares about more than his job. And throughout the movie, you see how Nicholas becomes, but also how other characters become thanks to him. I could talk about this masterpiece, about the foreshadowing in it and especially about Danny Butterman for hours on end but I’m not here for that today.

Also, Shaun had Pete to tell him what was wrong with him. Nicholas had Janine to tell him what was wrong with him. Who does that for Gary King? Because again, Gary is a very flawed character who needs to change as well. But first, we have to ask ourselves one question:

Who is Gary King?

Let’s get some answers.

Well, I’d give you a lot of answers if I had them but… we don’t really know much about Gary King, do we? Well, what we know about his past is what he told the people in the rehabilitation session. That he was The King. But it’s only later on in the movie that we’re able to get new details about him that help us get a clearer idea of who he is.

The King, the leader of their little group, the popular kid, is also selfish and self-centered. He’s injured his friends with his reckless behavior, he injured himself, he was already a heavy drinker and was using drugs. We don’t know much about his real past, about his family, or else. We know he hasn’t spoken to his mother in eight months when the movie takes place. He arrived in a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt but hasn’t told anyone, clearly. His mother doesn’t even know. He doesn’t like the way the hospital was “helping” him and after a quick decision, he got out of it to regroup his old friends and make an attempt at the Golden Mile again.

We know he isn’t happy. He’s bitter and sad, clinging onto a past he thinks better than anything else he could ever have. Addicted for most of his life and depressed to the point where he tried to kill himself. In the movie, he clearly just tries to reassure himself about his life, always lying to himself and to others.

Whenever reality catches up to him, he shies away from it, he’s not even able to look at Andy anymore. And the problem is, his friends are the reality and he’s the lie. He’s convinced himself of things so much that he believes in them and he can’t hear another version of the events that have happened, he needs to keep his embellished memories intact because he’d rather believe in a lie than in what he is.

He desperately needs the attention, because he’s so alone. He needs to live in his lie, to relive that great night, that moment when he could seduce Oliver’s sister, when his friends would have followed him to the end of the world, to finally prove himself right. And like Andy says, he’s never wrong, is he? He’d rather lie about his mother dying than face rejection and where he’s at. He’d rather have people stay with him because they pity him than because they want to be with him.

He lies about it as a last attempt to convince Andy to come along to Newton Haven, after also giving him money he had been owning him. (I’ll talk about the rest of this scene later on, it’s a very important thing to mention.)

And then, when reality is thrown at his face by Andy again, he miserably tries to get his sympathy once more, despite Andy not having it:

Just after that scene and right before they find out the truth about his mother, Peter says “I can’t help but feel sorry for him”, what Gary intended to do. He manipulates and is upset that things don’t go his way, no matter for what reason he is actually manipulating them. He wouldn’t admit it’s because he’s lonely and unhappy and that because he needs them to feel better, he’s fine with hurting their feelings again.

When he leaves the table to go to the restroom, he looks at himself and finally lets some real emotion out, only to realize what he’s doing.

He’s not proud of it. His friends have changed, yes, but he hasn’t. He’s still the same impulsive and selfish young man he used to be, but now he realizes that’s not how life works. Life doesn’t just go his way like it used to, or like he thought it used to. Life happens to you, you're not in control, and he probably realized that months ago, as he tried to end it.

Still, when the teenager arrives in the restroom, he puts his walls back up again directly, tries to show off and to befriend the young man by impressing him. He sees himself in him, a young and free man who just enjoys his time with his friends.

That’s why he was looking at them this way earlier in the pub:

Or when both groups crossed path outside in the afternoon. Yet, when the boy doesn’t respond and ignores him, he gets upset again and is ready to provoke a teenage boy for not paying attention to a drunk guy inviting him to drink with him and his friends.

Yes, the alcohol and the built-up frustration of the evening made him provoke that boy, but it doesn’t mean he’s not aware of the gravity of his actions every time he does something. He’s clearly aware that he manipulates his friends, that he only thinks about himself. It’s always in very short moments that you see him look away or having a hard time processing everything, because he knows the way he acts and as much as he hates himself for it, he can’t help it. To the point where he uses the terrible situation of Newton Haven, no matter if they might die, to finish the pub crawl. Why? He doesn’t care if he dies. At all. It’d probably be easier for him.

He can’t stand himself, but he can’t be someone else. He got upset at the boy’s silence, taking it as an insult, a way of being disrespectful towards him and in his head, no one should disrespect Gary King. There was a time when he loved being himself but like Sam rightfully says:

So with that in mind, what is Gary King?

That, I believe, is one of the most exciting part of the character. He’s as much the villain as he is the hero of the movie.

He’s a villain in his behavior, always has been. He liked being a “bad boy”, but he really did hurt his own friends and has been selfish for a long time. A lot of things that he did and still does make him a villain in this story. Yet, he doesn’t flinch in front of danger, he throws himself in battles the way he used to when Peter would get bullied. He fights for his life and stands his ground in front of the “big boss”, speaking on behalf of the entire human race so that the enemy would leave them be. He’s obnoxious, but he’s also very lovable. Again, like Sam said:

He wouldn’t be able to make someone else happy, or maybe for a while, but he probably wouldn’t be able to resist getting back to his old antics. He’s not meant to live a quiet life with a family, he needs his freedom, as he calls it, but deep down, he’s never actually been a Bad Person™ . He does care about his friends, in his own fucked up way, but he’s too damaged to do any good around him, it doesn’t matter if he’d like to or not.

That’s why he leaves again in the end. He can’t stay there and face everything that has happened. He saw his chance to start all over again and let his remaining friends be happy together, without getting in the way. He did the right thing by getting sober, but he regained his freedom, is still a rebel by staying with a bunch of blanks and not humans, and he’s with the version of his friends he’s always wanted to be with again. Maybe it’s a bit unhealthy for him to stay with these specific blanks, but it’s a better coping mechanism than alcohol and drugs. He’s his true self, but he’s sober and definitely feels better, like he belongs there.

Now, the time has come. Let’s really introduce his friends, talk about his relationship with them before talking about how he takes responsibility for his actions and how he deals with change. (yes I’m sorry this is endless)

All his friends have little stories to tell about his behavior during the movie. He injured all of them as well as he injured himself, and even if Oliver is the only one who didn’t receive a scar, he got his own birthmark removed because of the nickname they would always use. Gary was the only one using it still during the movie, despite being told off.

I’ll introduce them using Gary’s words in the beginning of the movie. It allows us to see the way he perceives them. Keep in mind that it’s the only way he could ever see them at that point, as he doesn’t know what they became and who they really are at that point in their lives. What we, as viewers, know, is that they seem to have all become pretty successful when it comes to their careers, and they just seem to have a good life in general, compared to Gary who is in that hospital and dealing with his addictions.

So, we’ve got Oliver Chamberlain. Gary introduces him by saying: “Ollie was funny, he fancied himself as a bit of a player, but really, he was all mouth. We called him O-man because he had a birthmark on his forehead that looked like a six. He loved it.”

He certainly did not love it. Like I said, he got the birthmark removed because it annoyed him so much to be called O-man. We don’t know much about Oliver, really. He manages a boutique estate agency in North London, he’s doing good, he’s always working. His sister is Sam Chamberlain, Steve has had a crush on her since high school and Gary had sex with her in the disabled. He’s in a sort of competition with Steve to win her over. We know Oliver was already acting like a business man in school. During their first attempt at the Golden Mile, he was out of commission after the 6th pub.

He’s also often mentioning Gary’s drug abuse throughout the movie.

He was clearly uninterested in going back to Newton Haven, he was very reluctant at the idea, but Gary succeeded in tricking him to go back. During the movie, Gary says a couple of times that Oliver is doing really good, as he didn’t go that far in the crawl the first time. He obviously doesn’t know he has been replaced by a blank in the middle of the crawl but he does say that he likes the new Oliver, the one that seems to be fine with following him around, who is able to go on with the crawl and encourages the others to join the party.

Now, Peter Page. Gary says: “Pete was the baby of the group. He wasn’t the kind of kid we’d usually hang out with, but he was good for a laugh. And he was absolutely minted.”

The cool guy hanging out with the most bullied kid in school? He indicates there that his wealth was one of the reasons he was friend with Peter, despite saying that “he was good for a laugh.” You can see that they get along pretty well during the movie, once Peter is relaxed with the alcohol. They joke around and laugh together quite easily. During the first attempt at the Golden Mile, after smoking marijuana in The Smokehouse, he was left on a park bench while Gary, Steve and Andy kept on going. He still works with his father and became his business partner. He’s the one who sold The Beast to Gary back in the day.

The scar Gary gave him was when Peter let him drive his 50cc Suzuki. Gary rolled over his leg.

He clearly was looking up to Gary at the time, probably because he was defending him whenever he’d get bullied.

There are a few moments where you can also see how submissive Peter still is, traumatized by the extreme bullying he went through in high school. He hates confrontation. He hides behind his newspaper when his kids are “fighting” at the table. It’s impossible for him to say anything when he meets his bully in one of the pubs and whenever a fight explodes, he’s the first one to try and hide, not fight.

He was killed and replaced after finally standing up against the blank that replaced his bully.

Steven Prince. Gary doesn’t have much to say about him: “Steve was a pretty cool guy. We jammed together, chased the girls. I think he saw us as rivals. Sweet, really.”

Like Oliver, we don’t have many information about his life. He had his own construction company, and he was bought out in ’05. At the beginning of the movie, he’s going out with a 26-year-old fitness instructor but the person he truly loves is Oliver’s sister, Sam. Gary and Steve got along just fine, but with what Gary says, you can see he thought he was better than Steve in different ways (shocking, I know). Gary and he used to play music together but stopped when Gary sold Steve’s bass to buy drugs.

In 1987, so when they were around fourteen, while they were playing cricket, Gary accidentally pushed Steven onto a broken bottle and Steve was left with a scar… well, on his ass. Now, we don’t know the origin of the bottle, but you certainly don’t need it to play cricket, from what I know? We also don’t know what they were drinking, so maybe I’m reaching by saying it could have already been Gary’s if he was already drinking alcohol, but we wouldn’t know so again, I might just be reaching! not confirming anything. Still, Gary injured him as well.

He wasn’t really happy when he saw Gary again for the first time, but still ends up going back. During the first Golden Mile, Steve was still there at the end. Even if they didn’t finish it, he was with Andy and Gary on the hills at sunset.

Now, Andy is the most important one, obviously. It wasn’t a surprise. Simon and Nick always play the two main characters and they always have a very strong bond. And Gary’s relationship with Andy is quite fascinating to say the least. For someone with as much pride as Gary King, talking about the way he feels is not all that easy. At least not without disguising it a little. Before we get into that part, here’s Andy’s introduction. This time, I’ll just explain who he is, and then show Gary’s words because I’ll talk about them more.

So, from what we know, Andy used to play rugby when he was younger. When the film takes place, he’s a corporate lawyer, he’s married and has kids. He seems to be doing quite well, even though we learn he and his wife are separated at the moment and that he's trying to get her back.

During the first pub crawl, he made it to the end of the night with Gary and Steve, ending up on the hills at sunset and failing the Golden Mile. Back in ’86, Gary injured him as well when they reenacted the knife game from Alien. Gary accidentally stabbed him in the middle finger.

We know that he remained friends with Gary until December 1997. Gary overdosed and Andy, while being extremely drunk, attempted to drive him to the hospital. He crashed his car and he had to go through a life-saving surgery that lasted for 12 hours before getting arrested. At that point, Gary who had made a “miraculous fucking recovery”, as Andy puts it, had abandoned him on the scene of the crash. After these events, Andy stopped talking to Gary and also stopped drinking.

It seems that “the accident”, as it’s referred as in the movie, drove them amm apart. We at least know they were still talking to each other in ’92, two years after they left school, because that’s when they decided to stop calling him “Fearless Leader”.

So they probably kept hanging out until the accident. Gary was certainly the glue sticking the group together but finally took it too far.

Now, when talking about Andy, Gary says this:

“And Andy. Andy was my wingman. The one guy I could rely on to back me up. He loved me, and I’m not being funny, but I loved him.”

Why would he be funny by saying that? Because admitting he loves his friend makes him less of a badass? No, he really liked his friends. But he loved Andy so much.

And I’m not talking as a shipper or anything. I’m really not. Actually, I’ve never shipped Gary with anyone if I have to be honest. Like Sam says, he’s not boyfriend material. I’m talking about platonic friendship. A very strong friendship that still existed despite “the accident”. That’s why Andrew keeps following Gary until they arrived at The World’s End, because he still cares, and he can’t watch him destroying himself like that. That’s why they all went back. Because in a way, they cared. They kept complaining but seeing everyone wasn’t that bad. They did laugh together, even with Gary, despite being pissed at him. They also weren’t expecting much of him, they know him:

But Gary’s relationship with Andy is special.

Andy is kind of the one who made everyone come back. They clearly didn’t go back for Gary. They went because of Gary, but each of them has asked if Andy would be there first. Probably because Andy’s presence would mean that if he could get past Gary’s mistakes, then maybe they could and should give it a try. And Andy went back with the hope that maybe Gary has changed, even just a little bit. When they are sitting outside while Gary’s playing Need for Speed (for someone who hasn’t seen it, this might sound like a weird as fuck movie), he says this:

Well, of course, he then learned he got money from the other three and gets mad, but you know. He did hope for a split second that he wasn’t exactly the same and that maybe, it was really because of what he told him in his office that Gary wanted to do that again. That’s also why he cuts him some slack at the beginning)

Speaking of the dialogue in his office! Remember I said I would come back to that scene at some point? Well, here we are. Yes, you might have forgotten because this post is very long and I ramble but if you’re still with me, well… it’s not almost the end but we’re getting there. Anyway! So, Gary lies about his mom dying and that’s the following conversation:

Again, maybe I’m reaching, but he seems so honest that I wouldn’t be surprised if he was actually using his mom’s death as a metaphor for his own suicide attempt. It got him thinking about the old days. He never really stopped thinking about them. He still has The Beast, he still has the tape Steve made him and that he was still always listening to, but these last months were probably extremely rough for him and got him really thinking about all of this in a more depressing way than he ever did. His life had been going downhill since he got out of school, but he finally hit rock bottom really hard.

He says his mother has always really liked Andy, but he might as well be speaking about his own feelings. He even says that he likes the guys, but that Andy was the best friend he’s ever had (and probably the only one he ever felt this way for.)

He has a weird behavior around Andy. He’s always acting so confident, but throughout the movie, he keeps seeking some kind of reassurance from Andy. Either because he wants his approval but also because he wants to prove himself right, or because he wants to believe everything is fine between them.

He has a really hard time expressing his true feelings, probably because he’s used to hiding them all the time. Every time he does express them, we can see how miserable he is and why Simon calls him “a walking tragedy”.

This leads me to the three most powerful dialogues in this movie, I think. I mean, in my opinion, they are the most telling about Gary’s truth, even though the movie is sprinkled with hints on what’s going on, like with this very obvious line:

We clearly know that it was something that was told directly to him, we know where, despite him acting like it’s just some trivia.

So the first dialogue I have in mind is the one with Sam. Sorry, loads of gifs are coming your way:

I feel like for the first time in the movie, he’s kinf of done with his own behavior and he’s ready to have a serious talk and admit some important things. Like when he says Steve is better than him, because he knows he’s a fuck up but now he’s ready to admit it. And in a few lines, you see something else. No, it’s not all about that night, it never was. Life doesn’t have purpose for only one night in your life. Yes, maybe it was the happiest night that there ever was, if it even was, but it doesn’t mean shit, really. But Gary holds on to it like his life was depending on it. Well, in this scenario, it kind of is. Sam tells him that it doesn’t have to be all about that night, kind of letting him know he has the choice to leave it behind and finally move on. And she can see that he gets it. But then, if Gary can’t hold onto that night, he at least wants to keep some things from it, hence his questions about the disableds. Sam agrees, giving him at least that because either way, he’s losing against his own life. If at least he’s trying, she can let him hold onto that memory.

It makes me think of the moment Gary tells Andy that the Golden Mile is all he’s got. There could be so much more, but Gary feels like he’s got nothing else, unlike his friends who have “everything”, like he says. That’s wy he fights for it, because it’s what’s important to him, like Andy is fighting for his marriage.

The second dialogue would be this one:

No, it wasn’t his fault that Andy crashed the car. He didn’t overdose on purpose, and Andy chose to drive him to the hospital while drunk and driving four times over the limit. But he did choose to flee the scene and leave Andy to die. And Andy wouldn’t be so angry and resentful if it hadn’t hurt him so much. It hurt him because he loved Gary.

Remember, when introducing Andy, Gary himself says that Andy was the one guy he could rely on. You’d think it would be the same for Andy, but Gary betrayed him.

Before the third dialogue, I want to elaborate on this, on Gary taking responsibility, kind of? He doesn’t talk about his mistakes.

Every time someone points out one of his past mistake or how his behavior is inappropriate, he changes the subject or tries to get his way.

He doesn’t want to face the things he’s done because he knows he can only blame himself for these situations and he already hates himself enough, he doesn’t need to be reminded of these things again and again.

And it’s also because he wouldn’t like to see his friends discover the way he really feels. Whenever his suicide attempt could get discovered or whenever he thinks about it, he quickly tries to hide the truth.

At first, I’m pretty sure he thought that Andy knew about his attempt, because he’s so surprised when he asks to see his arm. Then, when Andy tells him what injury he wants to see, he’s in full defensive mode and changes the subject again, trying to prove he’s him thanks to his memory, and not a scar.

Andy was ready to bash his head right in if for one second he believed he was a blank, but even then, Gary won’t show his arm, because he can’t let them know he hit rock bottom.

It’s the same with Sam:

The same old gary. Gary doesn’t like change. He hates it. He hates to see that his friends have changed and he knows that in a way, he changed as well, no matter how hard he tries to remain the same old Gary, the one that was happy.

When he learns that there are robots and that it’s not them that have changed but the town, he’s ecstatic.

And finally, the third dialogue I was talking about:

Getting help put Gary in emotional pain, even worse than what he already had before, because of the way he was treated. He hated it, he felt so miserable. Feeling like he’s living a lie, like nothing is what it’s supposed to be, feeling like he has absolutely no control. He doesn’t, not on life, but he could decide to do better. He just doesn’t have the courage.

Andy was already caring, way before that. And he’s always known Gary needed help. At that moment:

Andy wants to finally put the limit. It’s true, it’s the last one. Then, Gary will have completed the Golden Mile. Then, what? That’s not the point but what would Gary have done after that? He would have no purpose and like he says, the Golden Mile is all he’s got. Still, Andy doesn’t let him have one more drink.

Back in the tenth pub, he seemed to happy that Gary was accepting to let it go, to have one last drink and put an end to the crawl. He was still hoping for change.

I feel like this scene just shows how hard it is to overcome addictions just by yourself. He tried, when he got in the hospital, and he ended up leaving. He was really drinking his last beer, at that moment, but he couldn’t resist, once again, and had to have the other two. He really wanted to try, but the temptation was so strong.

Andy follows him because like his marriage, Gary is important, and he fights for what’s important to him.

Maybe Andy was able to make it on his own after the accident, but Gary isn’t Andy. He knows that Gary can’t make it on his own. He was never able to. It doesn’t mean he isn’t strong. Andy knows how strong Gary is, living through his addictions for so long, seeing that he tried to kill himself. He knows he’s strong, but it doesn’t mean he can’t have some help from people who really care about him. Now, he knows that can’t happen unless you force him to. So if he has to actually physically fight Gary to stop him, he will, because he knows his friend wouldn’t be able to stop unless being actually knocked the fuck out. He could let him have the last pint of the Golden Mile, but it would mean he allows him to do what he wants one more time. He puts a stop to it because the Golden Mile doesn’t matter, Gary matters. If he has to shatter his last chance of completing the crawl, even if he’s so close he can almost feel the beer on his tongue, he will if that’s what it takes to make him come to his senses.

Besides, he knows that Gary regrets what he’s done, both in the past and that day. He doesn’t constantly mean to hurt his friends. He does it because he can’t help it, but like Sam says, he’s not a bad person.

By the way, I often wonder what would have happened if they had forced him to show his arm when checking everyone’s scars. If Andy, Peter and Steve had discovered about his suicide attempt at that point.

Would they have understood that Gary was on a suicide mission, at that moment?

And that it was only making it all the more exciting for him?

This is Gary King, everyone.

Also, funnily and terribly enough, he relieved the night the same way he first lived it back in 1990. Some gifs and images as evidence:

Which begs the question; was the first night even that great to begin with?

I think I covered everything I had in mind (not bloody quite but well). I don’t even know. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this but I’m glad it did, I got to ramble about my favorite trilogy for hours on end so. And also... I’m pretty sure I was trying to prove something with all this but my point is: I’m in love with Simon Pegg.

No, ok. Again. Seriously.

The World’s End is such an underrated movie. And Gary King is such an important character. The movie depicts human nature in the realest way, with all its flaws. And Gary King is depicting mental illness, was written by someone who went through this kind of things. The movie is very personal for both Simon and Edgar, actually. I don’t know much about Edgar, to be perfectly honest. I love his movies, he’s an genius, but I don’t know much about his personal life. I just do know this movie is important for him too. I do know that Simon has dealt with alcoholism, if I’m not mistaken he’s been sober since 2010, he knows what it’s like to battle addiction and depression.

The movie doesn’t romanticize these problems one bit. It shows how bad it can be, and how it can be perceived as by people not knowing much about these things. Remember that comment talking about the fact that the “mid-life crisis” Gary’s going through gets annoying after a while? Welp.

Could you imagine actually living in Gary King’s head for more than an hour. Unbearable. Especially since he’s aware of some of the fucked up things he’s doing and must hate himself for it.

Yes, there’s the humor and the crazy robot stuff going on on the side, but that was my point at the beginning. That’s why the big weird entity that invaded earth isn’t the big villain of the movie.

I always say the same thing about villains. Take Thanos in the MCU for example. He’s the fucking worst and yet, his actions are justified. Careful. Not excusable, justifiable. You understand that there’s a point for him, that he firmly believes in what he’s doing, that he’s sure his actions are what’s supposed to be done to make Earth a better world, that what he does is right. Yet, because we’re rational and fucking decent, we know that’s not the way you solve problems. Here, the enemy believes it needs to replace humanity with perfect beings, to… make Earth perfect, or something. You know that it’s pointless, because like they show, only three humans in Newton Haven were spared. Earth is filled with flawed humans, you’d have to replace everyone to make it better. And yet, these actions are “justified” by a thought process. Doesn’t mean turning humans into compost is excusable. That creature’s definitely a villain, but not the main one in the movie.

The end of the world ain’t even a bad thing in the movie. On the contrary. A lot of people survived and Andy himself says things are simpler. They’re kind of back to the Dark Age and they realized that all their problems seemed very small in comparison to such events, and they’re happier.

Here, Gary is his friends’ enemy, he’s the blank leader’s enemy, and he is his own worst enemy. He hurts absolutely everyone, himself included. Because of his own addictions and depression. That’s what can really happen in real life and that’s something I really like about the movie.

And he ends up alone. He took the decision to leave but you don’t have a dumb female love interest that falls for the bad boy and make the worst decision she could by getting with him at the end so that we’d have a happy end and so would Gary. Sam’s very honest with him, she tells him how things are until he finally understands and agrees with her. He makes the right choice (“for once,” like he says) and makes her save herself and is fine with her ending up with Steve.

He’s always known the truth, but he had to accept it and he does. It’s difficult, but he does.

I don’t think Gary’s end’s a happy one. I have mixed feelings about Gary’s end because I don’t think he’s going to be satisfied on the long term and he does deserve some happiness at that point in his life. He excluded himself from everyone and is still stuck in that circle of not growing up. He’s definitely happier and he’s sober. But what is going to happen? He’s going to grow old and the blanks won’t change and then what? How is he going to feel about that?

It’s a real ending, not a cheesy one. But at least he always has that option of coming back at some point. He did once. And he would be more welcomed, and he’d act the right way.

Like he told his teacher back in high school, all he ever wanted was to have a good time. With the four blanks, he’s traveling and having his own fun, he does what he wants, he has the freedom he always wanted to have, he kind of found his path. That’s all he ever wanted, he just found a new way to do so. At least, he’s got that, and he knows his friends have what they want as well. Earth is destroyed but Steven is with the love of his life, and Andy got back together with his wife and lives happily.

Well. I think that’s about all I wanted to say. I hope. That was long enough. I just hope you guys are still reading, and that you “enjoyed” this thing that took me forever to write. I’d love your opinion. I’d love it if it made other people watch the movie or enjoy it more than they did at first. I just love this movie so much. And I just love Gary King so much.

I rest my case. Lets’ Boo-Boo.

#i started writing this on wednesday but i had so much to do... well ok one activity was rewatching Spaced all over again but still #the world's end #gary king #simon pegg #edgar wright #the cornetto trilogy #shaun of the dead #long post #hot fuzz #nick frost #it's sometimes really hard to explain some stuff when it's not in your first language but i think i did ok #i've been procrasting a lot with this yes i wanted to post it ages ago but at least it's done #i can't even tell you how many times i've watched the movie to do this #actually i could i've been keeping counts of the number of times i've seen the three movies but anyway #when i thought i was done i watched the movie once again and noted everything that came to my mind while watching it #then i checked what i had already talked about and found myself adding a lot of stuff #this was a cool thing to do #i might do more but i'm not sure #i thought i'd actually do a post with the foreshadowing in hot fuzz #like showing what scene or line foreshadow what scene or line or whatever #or all the spaced references in shaun of the dead #stuff like that #so i'm tagging this post as 'my take on' so that if i do more stuff like that i have a tag for it #my take on #also um i love gary king #and this movie #that's about it #i think #oh yeah and making these gifs took me so fucking long i sure as fuck hope you can read them #and i've eaten i don't know how many cornettos while doing this but WHATEVER AM I RIGHT

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teamkaiforever · 6 years

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BETWEEN YOU AND ME

(requested by anon)

Kai Parker x Reader word count: 4 771 / reading time: 17 minutes warnings: mentions of smut (?!) is that even a warning? idk but just to be safe. summary: Mystic Falls is under attack; Kai and Reader are keeping a secret from her friends, though secrets have a way of coming out. *gif by me ________________________________________

Y/N dragged her feet across the floor, left her coffee mug on the desk next to her laptop and glanced at her boyfriend who was currently asleep in their bed. It was barely 6am, the first sunrays were seeping through the semi-closed curtains but none of it seemed to catch her attention. No. That was all Kai, who barely had a sheet covering his bare naked body. There were spots of blood on the pillow and a couple of other places as they had ‘wrestled’ the night before which would be nightmare to clean but none of it bothered her. Instead, just before she pulled her chair to sit down and give her history assignment one last look before sending it in, she tiptoed as quietly as she could and bent over him. Her fingers ran though his messy hair for a moment, her lips touched his briefly and almost instantly he returned the kiss. Before she knew what was happening, Kai had grabbed her and tossed her under him on the bed. His body pressed against hers firmly while their fingers intertwined on either side of her head and he continued to kiss her as if he was starving. For all she knew, he was. It was just how her life with him was. They had gone for not being able to stand each other to not being able to stand being away from each other in a couple of months. Though their romance was still a forbidden love because if her friends caught up on what she had been up to, or the real reason why Kai had softened up the past few months… things would not end well for any of them.

“Kai—“ she barely managed to whisper, instantly getting lost in his eyes. His lips curled up into a wide smile and he brushed his nose against hers for a second before kissing her briefly again. Y/N used his momentary distraction and rolled on top of him. “Slow down –“

“Not possible.” he grinned, intertwining his fingers with hers while she held his hands against the soft pillows. “You know, you look so fucking hot in my t-shirt. I’ll never get over it –“

Y/N shook her head smiling. “Yeah, well. You have the best t-shirts. So soft and they smell so nice. Mine are awful. Awful…”

Kai laughed under his breath, sitting up in the bed while her hands hooked around his neck and his slid down her waist. “Why are you up so early?”

“Cuz –“ she tried to pull away from him but he wouldn’t let her. “—I got school work to finish. You know, some of us are still in high school.” she pushed his hands off her and got to the desk, taking a sip from her coffee as she leaned in against it. Kai braced himself on his elbows, his eyes remained focused on her the entire time, following every curve of her body and something told her he knew she was not wearing underwear… “And because there is a crisis. Remember? Cade? Katherine? Sirens –“

“And you know I want you as far away from this as possible. It’s not safe –”

Y/N ran her fingers through her hair, folding her hands on her chest right after. A long moment passed in silence and Kai’s eyes pierced into hers. Keeping things from him was her least favorite thing to do, mostly because her boyfriend caught up with her lies and secrets pretty quick. And whenever she didn’t spill the beans on her own, he had his own way of torturing the truth out of her. “That’s kind of hard to do when Sybil is my new history teacher –“

“What?!” Kai jumped up from the bed. Her gaze instantly drifted down south towards his semi hard lenght. Damn, what wouldn’t she do to freeze time and spend a few decades all alone with Kai. Just the two of them, skin to skin; travelling across the world and just being happy without worrying about any of this. “Why haven’t you told me this before? No, you are not going anywhere today.”

Y/N bit her lip, placing her hand on Kai’s chest while trying not to think what would happen if she were to stay there with him all day long. “I can’t hide. That’s not me and you know it.”

“It’s too dangerous –”

“You are out there.” she placed her hands on his shoulders, unconsciously feeling his biceps. Damn, she bit her lip. “You think I don’t worry 24/7 about you? My own friends want you dead –”

“I can take care of myself and that’s different. You are a human, I’m a heretic.” he argued. “I can easily take all your friends down with a flick of my wrist. Sybil and her weirdo babysitter sis too.”

“Or she can siren you to –”

“To what?” he tried to meet her eyes but she kept avoiding his gaze up until the point she tried to push him away. “Y/N?”

Her gaze met with his. “You know what she did to Damon. I don’t – I don’t know what I’d do if she messes with your head and –” her eyes watered a bit and she wiped her nose with the back of her wrist. “Kai, it’s too dangerous not only for me to go out there –”

Kai gripped her wrists and pinned them behind her back, leaning towards her. “You are the most important person in my life, Y/N. Sybil cannot erase you from my head, or my heart or my soul. You are seared on them for good and nothing’s going to change that. Ever.” he gazed longingly into her eyes. “You are my everything… I love you more than you could possibly imagine but you should’ve told me about Sybil. I am your boyfriend –“

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“You are not my boyfriend.” Her eyes remained focused on his, watching the nervousness grow in them. “You are my soulmate, the love of my life –“ his lips crashed against hers in an instant and she could feel his length rub against her inner thigh. So close, but so far away. “—Kai –“ she took a shallow breath, keeping her eyes closed for a moment longer remembering the feeling of his lips on hers. “I’m gonna be late –“

“For where?” he nibbled on her earlobe. “The bed is in no hurry, neither is the desk, nor is the wall. I’m going to be your private tutor for the day because there is no way I am letting you out of my sight until this is all over. That’s an order. You do what I say when I say it –”

Y/N’s lips curled up into a smile. “So over protective, and so so fucking hot when you get so bossy. Makes me think all those naughty things –”

Kai’s expression changed between grin and a serious look within seconds. “Oh? No, no. S-stop it with the googly eyes and the lip biting or the first lesson today will be a disciplinary one.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows. “Awh but daddy, if we stay home I will have to be tied up. Otherwise I’d crawl over the desk to my smocking hot teacher and spend the rest of the day learning new high notes in which I can moan his name –”

Kai shook his head interrupted her with a kiss. His mind had been drifting away since the second he had woken up shortly before she had ‘woken’ him up, and a part of him really wanted them to stay at her place and spend the day ‘studying’. The other knew he cannot miss the strategy session at the boarding house –

“Alright, alright, I am not going to school today.” she muttered, feeling a little out of breath. Kai almost sighed in relief when he noticed her expression flash with something he couldn’t pick up on. There was something else he didn’t know, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. “I am crashing the strategy session at the Salvatore house.”

“You are?” he grinned. “So, you mean to tell me I get to spend the entire day with you?”

“Yes –“ she pushed him off her and headed towards the walk in closet. “—and no. You can’t make those eyes at me. You can’t look at me like that and get my heart racing as if I’ve been running a marathon –“

“Can’t I?” he braced himself against the door, taking in every inch of her body as she got dressed. Y/N grabbed her black ripped in the knees skinny jeans but he shook his head. “Short black skirt? P-please? No underwear… F-for me?” She shook her head smiling and grabbed the skirt instead along with a slightly puffy white buttoned up shirt, getting dressed as quickly as she could. “Perfect.”

Y/N bent over to put on her ankle high Converses. “Kai, I am serious. You can’t let your wondering hands go places. You can’t make comments and you definitely can’t –” she looked up at him, but he had a spaced out look in his eyes. “Malachai!”

“What?” he said innocently. “Just enjoying the view –“ he caught his t-shirt just as she threw it at him. “I know, I know. A house full of vampires. Gotcha. I’ll behave, promise.” he put the t-shirt on and whooshed himself around the room to get dressed. “I’ll go pack your lunch. Be back in a jiffy –“

Y/N shook her head smiling, fixed her hair and grabbed her laptop before putting it in her back and taking Kai’s phone and hers from the night stand. Her mind spun around at the thought how Kai would be right there by her side all day, struggling to control himself while she would be fighting herself not to steal a heart-eyes glance or get a little taste of his lips, however brief it might be. Something told her if someone was gonna crack it would be her, though who could blame her.

“Focus Y/N –“ she muttered to herself, walking in the small kitchen/living room where Kai was already done packing her lunch and two to-go coffee cups. “What are you going to eat?”

Kai spun around and in a flash had her pinned against the doorframe. “You –“ he brushed his fingertips against her cheek, tilting her chin up before his lips collided with hers. His body pressed against hers and for a moment she forgot how to breathe… and whose air she was breathing in the brief seconds she managed to get some air. “Just one –“ he whispered before kissing her again. “—one more kiss.”

“S-stop –“ she tried to push him off but her heart just wasn’t in it. “Kai, you want to leave me breathless before we leave so you have to give me mouth to mouth every spare second we get alone at the boarding house, don’t you?”

“No.” he shook his head, his lips curling into a wide smile. “Yes, yes. Okay. You got me addicted to your lips and everything about you. I need you in my bloodstream asap or I might die –“

Y/N gripped his shirt and pulled him down for another kiss before pushing him off her. Quickly she tiptoed to the counter to grab her coffee and lunch bag when she felt him playfully slap her ass. “Hands to yourself.” she scolded him. “No puppy eyes, no quivering lip –“

“Fine, fine.” he sighed. “Let me just grab my phone and we’ll –“ Y/N pulled his phone from her bag. “You think you are so smart, don’t you?” Y/N shrugged her shoulders, passed him his phone and walked out the door without saying a word, heading towards the elevator with him at her tail. They stood in silence while waiting for the doors to open, stealing glances at the other as usual whenever they were in public. “So do we carpool or –“

“Sure, why not.” she took a shallow breath, meeting his eyes. “Saving the planet is always on the agenda, but remember –“ the elevator’s bell interrupted her. Kai gave her a slight nod and they walked in. As soon as the doors closed and it was just the two of them, Kai’s lips and hands were all over her making her forget whose air she was breathing… until the doors opened again and he pulled away as if nothing had happened. Y/N stared at him and took a shallow breath. “We keep us between you and me. We ran into each other on the way there.”

“Gotcha –“ Kai smiled innocently at her, holding out the building door for her.

It took them less than 20 minutes to get to the boarding house, all the while during the car ride he wouldn’t let go off her hand. His gaze barely left her during the entire ride and on the few occasions the red light stopped them, he used his opportunity to steal a kiss or two. Though the closer they got to the Salvatore house, the harder things got and by the time he parked the car in front of the house their act had started. Who knew who might be watching out the windows. Y/N ran her fingers through her hair, lifting herself on her toes for a moment to check if there was someone in the living room and rang the bell. Kai stood awkwardly next to her, taking a step away when he heard someone coming towards the door.

“Hey, Y/N –“ smiled Caroline, opening the door. Y/N smiled her friend, whose smile faded away quickly when she saw Kai was there. “Are you stalking her or something? You keep showing up everywhere she is –“

Kai walked inside without waiting for an invitation. “Relax Clarisse. I ran into her on her way to the Grill. Isn’t your motto ‘All hands on deck.’ No, wait. It was ‘Protect the humans in Mystic Falls’ or something?” he glanced at Y/N, who rolled her eyes and made her way to the sofa. “Can’t let our golden girl die before graduation right?”

“We don’t have a motto.” Caroline closed the door, taking a step towards them. Kai poured himself two fingers bourbon and sat on the opposite end of sofa, though his eyes kept drifting towards his girl. “I’ll go get Damon, you stay away from her –“

Kai raised his hands in defence while Y/N pulled her laptop onto her lap and glanced at her friend. “No rush. I have to proof read this history paper for the –“

“—history teacher from Hell?” interrupted Kai. Y/N pursued her lips to try and hide her smile before glaring at him. “Sorry –“

“Whatever Sybil is up to at the high school, grades come first. Whitmore or Harvard or Cambridge – they won’t care about the Devil and his minions being let loose on Earth and me being in the middle of it.” muttered Y/N, her gaze drifting towards Caroline who was almost out of the living room in that moment. “Cannot get into law if my grades are flunking –“ she winked at Kai, who scooted a little closer to her. Her finger pressed the power button on the laptop and she mouthed at him ‘Stop looking at me like that.’, glancing back at the screen.

Kai grinned at her and took a sip of his drink, watching her eyes widen the second she glanced at the screen a moment before she closed the lid. “Everything okay?”

Y/N stared at him and turned her laptop towards him, opening the lid before making sure she couldn’t hear footsteps. Not that it mattered seeing how her friends could move faster than the light. “What is this?” she said in a hushed voice, pointing at her desktop wallpaper where instead of a picture of the waterfall near by the Wickery Bridge where was her and Kai’s secret make out spot out of the way, was currently a picture of a shirtless Kai in her bed with barely any fabric covering his –

“That’s me.” he smiled innocently at her, though his eyes sparkled with fire and mischief. “You like it?

“I know it’s you—“ she shook her head unsure of she should smile at him, kiss him or slap him for his little surprise. “—but how it got here?”

Kai scooted towards her, whispering in her ear. “I wanted to surprise you when you opened your laptop in the morning. I had no idea you’d end up coming with me here –“

“Color me surprised.” she pecked his lips. “And to answer your question – I love it. But if I had been at school – you could’ve sent me to the principal’s office. Detention doesn’t look good on college applications.”

Kai grinned at her. “As if I’d let that be a permanent mark in your file.” he leaned in closer. “Chocolate –“ he whispered in her ear. “How do you always smell like chocolate? It’s driving me nuts –“ Y/N turned her head sideways when he whooshed himself away. Her gaze drifted away and as soon as her friends popped up, she slammed her laptop shut. “Damon –“

Caroline glanced between her and Kai. “Everything okay? How’s your paper?”

Y/N looked up confused. “What?”

“The history paper for the teacher from Hell?” Damon waved his hands before her eyes. “It was such a big deal you had Stefan wrapped up into helping you. It better be good –“

“Oh, it’s – hot like a supernova. Definitely gonna bang that one later –“ Y/N muttered, catching Kai’s amused look for a second. “Ace it, I mean.” smiled Y/N, putting her laptop back in her bag. “You know me. I am never the one in trouble –“ her glance drifted towards Kai for a split second. “—though someone else is.”

Damon and Caroline glanced at each other and then at Kai and Y/N. “Who?”

“Sybil.” stated Y/N, glancing at her friends. “Who else?”

Damon poured himself a drink. “Yeah well, after what she almost pulled yesterday our little siren is lucky I haven’t ripped her head off for hurting my favorite little Gilbert.”

Kai glanced at Damon and then at his girl who kept avoiding his glance and somehow found a way to scoot away from him even further on the sofa. “After she pulled what yesterday?” his eyes remained fixed on Y/N. “What happened?”

Y/N brought her knees up to her chest. “Nothing –“

“I wouldn’t call you almost getting barbecued to the stake like a Salem witch nothing but –“ Damon muttered. Kai’s eyes widened and Y/N jumped up from her seat, taking Damon’s glass from his hand. “Be my guest –“

Kai jumped up right after here. “That’s why you were covered in dirt and ash last night—“ he muttered to himself, gripping her wrist. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Cuz I knew you’d freak.” she yanked her wrist back while Damon stood between them confused. “Plus, I wasn’t hurt –“

“You weren’t hurt?!” Kai exclaimed. “You could’ve died!!” Caroline and Damon glanced at each other while Y/N ran away from Kai and he kept going after her. “Don’t walk away from me.”

“I have legs, I can and will walk away –“ she said in a hushed voice. “—because we are not having this conversation here.”

Caroline stepped towards them. “What’s going on?” she turned towards Damon who shrugged his shoulders, squinting his eyes a little. “Why is he so upset?”

“I don’t know and I don’t like it.” Damon muttered watching Kai and Y/N have a silent starring contest. “You don’t think they –“

“No, no way.” Caroline’s eyes widened. “Not after he put her sister into a magical coma.”

Y/N ran her fingers through her hair. “Malachai, please –“

Kai shook his head. “You kept this from me. I thought we were done doing that.”

She tried to touch him but he pulled away. “I’m sorry.”

“You – you are sorry?” he gripped her hand and put it on his chest completely forgetting where they were. “Feel this? The air is being pulled out of my lungs and my heart being slowly torn right out of my chest, by you. Do you even realize what even the thought of me losing you is doing to me?”

Y/N shot him a warning glance but he didn’t seem to care they were in the middle of the Salvatore living room and her friends were there. Not only that but Bonnie just walked in with Matt. “Behave. Keep us between you and me. That’s all I asked.”

“Doesn’t apply to your safety.” he tucked in a strand of hair behind her ear. “This comes above all else—“

Damon grabbed Kai’s wrist and yanked him back, then turned towards Y/N. “Explain. Now. You got five seconds before he loses his head.”

“What’s going on here?” Bonnie wondered, dropping her jacket on the sofa. Matt raised his eyebrows, glancing at Kai and Y/N who pushed her way past Damon and took her boyfriend’s hand in hers. “Why are you two holding hands?”

“Kai and I –“ she glanced at him and sighed. “Last night after the whole incident I went to the Grill to get a drink and ran into Kai. He took me home and… that’s it.”

“That’s it?” Damon shrugged his shoulders. “What was he talking about then saying –“

“We kissed.” Kai protectively pushed Y/N a little behind him.

“What?!” Bonnie, Caroline, Matt and Damon exclaimed in unison.

Damon growled.”I’m gonna rip his head off –”

“I kissed her… because I like her and she likes me. I know you don’t like it or me especially after everything I’ve done. I deserve that, I am not a good person and I own that. But being with her these past few months… It’s something. And under other circumstances this warm and fuzzy feeling I get whenever I’m around her would be absolutely revolting to me, but I love it more than anything.” he sighed, gazing lovingly at her. “I love her –”

Damon started laughing and for a few moments it all seemed perfectly fine up until the point he pushed Kai ten feet away and turned towards Y/N. “Have you lost your mind? You want a boyfriend, I will find you a boyfriend. How about that boy who took you to prom a few months back –“

“Who? Jake? Y-you know Kai is the one who actually took me to prom and I made Jake up, right?” she said quietly. Damon’s eyes widened and he grabbed her shoulders, pinning her to the wall. Caroline rushed towards them but Kai was faster and pushed Damon off Y/N. “Jesus –“

“Nope. Just me.” Kai grinned. Y/N mouthed ‘Shut up’.

Caroline pulled Damon back. “Let her explain. Might not be what we think.” she glanced at Bonnie who was currently pouring herself a drink, clearly having a hard time taking in what was happening. “Y/N might be the youngest of all of us, but don’t forget who was the one who outsmarted Katherine –“

“Youngest, best-est, brightest… Hottest. –” grinned Kai, completely avoiding everyone’s looks. He only had eyes for his girl and her cheeks burned red at his words. “My girl–”

Damon groaned while Caroline closed her eyes, pressing her lips together trying not to comment on Kai’s words. “Tell me you are on vervain –” the vampire asked.

“You think Kai compelled me to love him?! Are you insane?! You wanna know the truth? Here it is – ” Y/N said, holding tightly onto Kai’s hand. “You vanished, Damon! You and Enzo. Elena was in a sleeping curse, Jeremy is God knows where and everyone was busy looking for you. I lost everything and everyone in a blink of an eye because of Sybil… Except Kai, who was there every time I was alone at the Grill, or when I needed someone to talk to who didn’t mind listening to me ramble for hours. Kai who made sure I got home safely every night and kept me safe from all those guys who kept getting too handsy.”

Kai poked her in the stomach. “Awh, don’t skip on the best part. The first night I followed her home to make sure she got there safely and my little fireball here pulled a knife on me.” he grinned. “I swear I’ve never been more arous—“ he cleared his throat. Everyone except Y/N almost collectively groaned at his words. “—ed than when she gripped my hand behind my back and shoved me face-first against the door, and then put the blade under my chin and tilted my head towards her. Something happened when our eyes met and I just… knew it was her I had been looking for all my life without realizing it.”

“Awwhh –“ she hugged him with one arm, both of them looking at each other with heart eyes. “You never told me that.”

“So what?” Bonnie snapped. “Just because he acted like a decent human being for once, you decided he is a good boyfriend material? He is a murderer!”

Y/N sighed quietly and stared at her friends as if to say ‘Really? You are going with that one?’ “He is the man I love –“ she stated, feeling Kai squeeze her hand for a moment before he leaned in towards her, inhaling her scent. Damon growled. “I know you all have complicated history with him, but the Kai I know is not the Kai you see. He is not the same person he was back when he came out of 1994 –”

“Yes, we remember he turned from an evil caterpillar into a slightly less evil butterfly –” interrupted Damon with his usual snark. “But he still is who he is –”

“He is not the person he was after 1903 where you left him –“

“To protect Jo and everyone else!” Bonnie took a step towards her. “He killed his entire family –“

“And whose fault is that?” Kai said. Y/N kicked him in the shin. “I am just saying, I never would’ve –“

Bonnie shot him a glare that made Y/N’s blood freeze and the second she saw her friend’s hand shoot up, she stood between them. “There is nothing you can do or say to change that. I am old enough to live on my own, old enough to make my own decisions. You hurt him, you hurt me.”

Kai grinned and wrapped his hands around her from behind. “My girl. So fiery.” He pulled her up a little until her feet kicked at the air and he heard her laugh. “Love it.” he kissed her cheek as he let her feet back on the ground. “Love you –“

“I love you too –“

Damon groaned. “Ugh… my ears are bleeding.” Y/N rolled her eyes and took a step towards him, wrapping her arms around him. There was one thing Damon couldn’t resist – her hugs. Perhaps because in a way it made him feel close to Elena again, or maybe he just didn’t want to break little Gilbert’s heart. “You have lost it. Positively and when you end up dead, and you will, just make sure Elena knows I was against it and tried to make you see reason.”

“You can’t be okay with this?” Bonnie protested. “What if –?”

“I’d never hurt her.” Kai said quietly, glancing at every single of his girl’s friends. “I’d die before that happens or before I let anyone else hurt her. I’d gladly sacrifice my life to keep her safe.” He caught Damon’s gaze. “You know I’m telling the truth. You might not trust me about anything else, but trust me about this –“

Damon groaned wrapping his arms around her, studying Kai’s face. “Just… no more kissing and googly eyes and the L word mention around us, okay?” he kissed her head. “Or I might forget and just rip his head off for even daring to breathe the air around you.”

Y/N pulled away with a smile on her face. “Thank you.”

Kai leaned in to whisper in her ear. “What did Sybil do when she messed with his mind? We might need to send her a ‘thank you’ card.”

“Only thing keeping me from killing you right now is because Elena would never forgive me if I killed her little sister’s… whatever he is, even if he is the one who put her in a coma.” muttered Damon. “Don’t push it.”

________________________________________ MASTERLIST- SMUT ‘17 MASTERLIST- FLUFF ‘17 / MASTERLIST - FLUFF/ANGST ‘18

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