#idk what to expect

[faetima]

𝐝𝐥𝐦𝐥𝐮 (𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝) . .

. . you have hanahaki, a severe case of shyness, and a crush on scaramouche, and scaramouche is an absolute jerk.

// tws ; blood ; gn reader ; hanahaki & modern au ; slight cursing 

a/n: first time posting here yippee (pls be nice)

you sobbed, heaving up stupid yellow carnations while sitting on the cold, hard floor of the school bathroom.

you wretched up the damned flowers. they fell ungracefully into the toilet which sat in front of you.

your knees hurt from sitting on them for so long.

if only you could tell him how you felt. it would finally all be over, one way or another. maybe with your feelings being requited.

or maybe with you choking to death, the only thing with you while you die being the stupid fucking flowers.

you coughed again, pale yellow petals fluttering to the ground elegantly.

it was a stark contrast to how, just moments after that, you were coughing your lungs out, flowers flopping down into the toilet in large clumps; stuck together by mucus and blood.

you wheezed and wheezed and wheezed until it felt like there was nothing left in your lungs and your throat was burning and your knees were bruised.

you sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until there were no more tears left.

you coughed and coughed and coughed to the point you thought maybe just dying would be better than this fucking hell.

you curled into a ball, crying. crystalline tears ran down your cheeks, falling onto your clothes, the ground, anything.

if only you could fucking talk. why were you like this? why were you fine with your friends, but so terrified to talk to anyone? to everyone?

to him?

maybe, just maybe, if you were different you wouldn’t be in this situation.

if only you weren’t so pathetic, so stupid, so scared.

you hated yourself. you hated yourself so, so much. who the fuck was this terrified to talk to people, but opened up so easily once others talked to them?

maybe you should just confess and get it all over with.

—

you opted to just give him a letter anonymously. 

who knew if he would even read it? he received dozens of confessions everyday.

even if he did read it, it couldn’t be that bad, right?

—

if you could, you would eat up your words.

it was much, much worse than you thought.

he had ripped open the envelope, immediately reading the letter with a scowl.

he wasn’t even halfway through when he burst out laughing.

”what the fuck is this?” he snickered, holding onto his locker so he wouldn’t fall from how hard he was laughing.

”what pathetic fucking weirdo confesses from an anonymous letter? are they too terrified to say it to my fuckin’ face?”

he continued reading the letter.

when he was done, he crumpled it up and threw it away behind him, still laughing.

”that’s so goddamn stupid.”

unfortunately, the crumpled up letter hit you on your head.

not embarrassing, right?

well, it wasn’t until scaramouche saw it had hit you.

”oh, sorry,” he exclaimed in a voice dripping with mock sweetness.

”didn’t see you there.”

it would’ve been fine until his next comment, which you unfortunately overheard.

”these dumb fucking bitches. they’re so stupid, can’t even move out of the way. what are they, blind?” he muttered under his breath, tone condescending.

you burst into tears right then and there, unable to stop the overflow of emotions.

you walked away as quick as you could, wanting to kill yourself right there.

”so emotional, and over what?”

his laugh rang down the hallway, following and taunting you.

—

you don’t know what had come over you that day. before that you had always tried to keep your emotions in check, always tried to stop the tears from coming out in front of people you didn't know.

maybe hearing your crush degrade and insult you had just struck a chord or something.

—

weak coughs wracked your frail body, using up the little energy you had left.

you were on your death bed (quite literally! you were laying on your bed while dying).

honey yellow flowers surrounded you, their sickly sweet scent making you feel nauseous.

you choked up another batch of the flaxen flowers, watching them flop forward onto your bed sheets, staining them a dull crimson because of the blood on them.

with half lidded eyes, you stared at the carnations. your mind was hazy, and your vision blurred.

if you recalled correctly, they symbolized disdain and rejection.

how fitting.

[ultdeimoskinnie]

starting omori today guys wish me luck

will update this post when i finish the game

[arabellas]

reading the last 50 pages of acotar

[digitalroot]

so I got disco elysium…

[okage-kirana]

I just saw the one-page snippet of new SH chapter on twitter and I couldn't stop laughing. I feel bewildered.

*What* is Douglas doing, what is *his team* doing, what is this, Japanese Sports Day? 騎馬戦のか? And the seriousness on their face? Help?

[drlqra]

bsd chapt 110,5 tonight omg

[zoshchenko]

first thing i’m doing as a phd student is getting humbled by a translation exam 

[alltoowsll]

anyways… rumours say she might be singing the way I loved you tonight as a surprise song

[detentiontrack]

GONNA GO RINSE NOW!!!

[shoelasses19068]

currently reading Millenium,it is quit boring I am at 130-ish pages into the book and like the describtion of the character are so so boring, how they write Lisbeth’s character I mean..eye rolling

Idk if I should continu it, it’s so white and hetero help 

[shittygothbitch]

I have plans w friends today :0

[negrowhat]

Hey giiiiirl! Out of curiosity have you started Big Dragon yet? There is a scene in episode 2 that I think you would die laughing at and appreciate. I am now obsessed with the theme song.

It's on my list because people have been saying it's both outrageous and bad at the same time. I saw someone with some sort of harness strapped on him so I am intrigued. I know it's short. I might start the while I wait for The Eclipse to conclude.

[probayern]

i'm scared for tuesday but also... we do tend to turn up against that club. especially thomas.

[missmeinyourbones]

WE’RE GETTING MIDNIGHTS IN 6 DAYS AHAHAGUSOAJSJS

IT LIKE...HASN'T HIT ME YET ??? marty im scared\

[anna-hawk]

...

[illuminati-courier]

I'm starting the Sopranos for the first time ever