#idk what tws to add so just mind the warnings

[anotherlifelesshawksloverplshelp]

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Sweetness

Dabi x reader!!!

Kudos to Mel, she unintentionally gave me ideas to write and getting me to write it in the first place (I was procrastinating like a mf…)

I took a little turn with it and made it sfw. I was gonna add hints, but honestly I'm happy with it as is.

IF YOU WANT A PT. 2/CONTINUATION WITH A LITTLE SPICE PLEASE REPOST/COMMENT AND SAY SO! Also requests are open for now so feel free to bother my inbox.<333

Content/warnings: Insecurity, scars, (idk if those are necessary but i could understand the tw), just fluff, reassurance, and some love<3 2k

...

"Does it bother you..?"

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It was a late morning. He had been hanging low with the rest of the league for a week and a half now, everyone either recovering, plotting, or taking their chance to just rest. Taking loss after loss was exhausting, so the break was necessary, you thought. Their entire group had years worth of festering emotions, motivations and conviction. Would it be so bad to not sit there and simmer in self pity and loathing for a week?

Dabi had chosen to crash at your place midway through. He didn't mind the group. Whether he was aware of it or not, they were growing on him, but he'd never admit that. But you had grown on him more.

So, when you woke up, turning to see a tired Dabi propped up slightly against your pillows, being dragged out of thought by your stirring and shooting you a sidelong smirk, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of sleepy joy sparkle in your chest.

"G'mornin', doll.." he murmurs, his voice sultry, laced with a deep exhaustion that he'd never admit out loud, masking it with his cocky tone. You smile at him happily, scooting a little closer.

"Morning, Tou'..." You snuggle against his arm a bit which he absorbs, letting it feed his ego. He slid that arm under you, wrapping it around and pulling you up against him, looking down at you with those cool blue eyes.

"Like what you see?" Is always the first thing he ever said to you, whether you guys were out and you looked at him to ask a question, meeting up at the hideout, him  stumbling through your window with burns and blood. Something he said without thinking just to get something out of you. His way of saying “hello” or “I see you.”

You nod regardless, used to his arrogant demeanor by now. Your eyes trail the way the white sheets wrapped at his waist contrasted his dark burns along his stomach, the way his staples glimmered with the morning light pouring through the thin, airy curtains, following the curve of his smirk back to his eyes. You stretch up, pressing a little peck to his cheek which he chuckled at like you were amusing, tugging you a little closer, tracing lazy shapes into your back. He lays back a bit before humming "Go back to sleep, doll, I ain’t going anywhere."

You look up at him, tracing the sharp, messy edges of his hair, the way it contrasted to your light room, tracing back down to his glistening staples. You gently reach up and graze his skin, trailing it down his neck to run along the staples on his chest. 

He glanced down at you as you do so, the sensation sweet but dull, a muffled cry to his damaged nerves and thickly grafted skin. His smirk faltered, now just watching you quietly, the way your eyes were drawn to his skin...

"Does it bother you?.."

Your eyes snap up to meet his, furrowing in question. You were used to random or hypothetical questions from him, more often than not posing questions just as an exclamation, like "Who would've thought?" with humour before elaborating, or "Isn't it funny..?" before going on a rant about something having to do with society or heroes. But this... something about his tone was different. You could feel a sudden shift in his demeanor seep into your skin as you rested against him, chest feeling oddly heavy.

Does what bother me?.." You ask quietly.

"My skin. Does it bother you?" He asks again, strengthening the foundation of his tone again so it'd sound more natural to him, but you weren't going to let go of what he had first offered. Your motions stop, reaching up and running your thumb down the staples on his chin before cupping his cheek gently.

"Of course not." You say in gentle disbelief that he would ask that question. You search his eyes as they watch yours, totally still. His large free hand raised to brush against the side of your face, cupping around your ear, stapled palm against your cheek which you leaned into.

He took in the action, watching you with almost sad yet unreadable eyes. He was so expressive in his own ways. He thought he was so slick, but deep down he was just a kid when it came to people. When it came to himself. He’d sit there and argue your lectures when he’d go do something particularly bad or get hurt, answering with short, snarky responses, but his eyes would convey the guilt he felt. He’ll ignore, yell, or disvalue his teammates at face value, but you’ve seen the way he still counts the heads in the room, or his eyes will flicker with concern in a tight situation. He wasn’t inhuman just because he had baggage and some scarring, and your heart ached that he couldn’t see that. That he couldn’t understand you saw him. 

“Don’t give me that..” He murmurs, feigning minor irritation at the look you gave him, but it was more than that. He averted his gaze, opting to look at the wall. He was shutting you out.

You huff softly, giving his hand on your cheek a squeeze at which he glanced at you in the corner of his eye. 

“I don’t need you to pity me.” He states.

“I’m not pitying.” You say shortly, eyes flickering across his expression, the slightest pursing of your lips as you look at him.

He scoffed like he didn’t believe you, and you couldn’t entirely blame him. Nobody likes to accept words offered to them when they feel someone doesn’t have a true understanding. You got a little closer, not overwhelmingly so, but enough to reassert your presence, desperately trying to show you were here for him if he didn’t understand it any other way.

“Your scars don’t bother me. You don’t bother me. If you did, you wouldn’t be in my bed at night. If you did I wouldn’t be bringing you food despite your protests, not caring if you eat it all, just wanting you to eat something. And I think you know that, Touya.”

That’s right. How could he have given you his name? You knew he cared, and he knew you cared enough to share that with you. The name itself made him happy and sick at the same time, but the way you uttered it so sweetly, with genuine care. You could see him. Although nothing could outweigh his goal against his father(which he hadn’t spoken about with you yet, he’s just not ready), maybe your affection was good enough for now. 

He shifted to face you a little more, not entirely on his side, pulling you in close with a sigh. He didn’t like being vulnerable or anything like that, but he didn’t like when he had to shut you out too. He made a steady compromise, pressing a kiss to your forehead with a huff. 

You didn’t know if it would be right to say you loved his scars or not. They were a part of him, whether anyone liked them or not, but you did. Not whether or not they were attractive, or tolerable, but simply because of him. It was a part of his story. It showed his past and what made him who he was now, but it didn’t define him either. If you didn’t like them, then you simply wouldn’t like him. You didn’t know if that was necessary to say to him or not, but in your heart you held it as your truth for him. Instead you simply say..

“I love you, Touya. I’m not going to hate you for something like some skin…”

He looks at you. He knew it could be repulsive. He should know, he lived in it. Skin too tight for himself, scars that he had to stare at everyday, some days it felt more real than others. 

You cup his face and kiss the tip of his nose. “I promise, baby.”

You were too good for your own good, he thought. He didn’t care about your past, anything you may or may not have done. You were too sweet. Sugar that flooded his bitter existence.

“Damn…I love you too, doll.” is all he muttered, but it was sincere. He sounded a little choked, but you knew better than to expect anything to dampen his lashes. You sigh softly, pressing featherlight kisses along where the large scarring patches met the fresh skin, your touch incredibly careful.

He appreciated it. Although you couldn’t hurt him, his nerves being too damaged for anything you do to bother him, the muted sensation of your skin on his was still loved by him. Your affection over the skin he hated so much lifted his heart greatly, you adorning him with love and care steadily chipping away at his rough exterior. What had he done to deserve you?

You reached up, pressing a reassuring kiss on the staples on his chin, watching you sending him a shiver through his entire body pleasantly. It was intoxicating when you loved him, and he swore you damned him into an addiction. 

Your eyes flicked between his, searching gently as his gaze rested on you before pressing a loving kiss to his lips, him reciprocating softly to convey how he loves you back. He can’t help but be handsy either, one hand moving to your ass, the other to your hip to keep you close, humming lowly against your kiss. 

You prop yourself up a little on one arm to adjust the angle to deepen the kiss, which he obliges to, leaning in a little.His hand on your hip slid to your thigh to pull you up and over so you were straddling his hips, tongue grazing your lower lip as a request, but not forcing it, which you allowed. 

His hands trailed up and down from the small of your back to your thighs, touch light and teasing in contrast to his usually harsher grip. He was never this soft. You knew he wanted you, he made that very clear all of the time you two had been together, but it was never really like this. 

He was admiring you. Yes he held an attraction, yes he loved you, but he didn’t always look at you like this. You’d get his approval here, his protection there, but this was different. You cupped his face, breaking the kiss to watch the way his gaze softened over you, looking up at you, his expression almost sad. You peppered his face with kisses. His forehead, his brows, under his eyes, all along his cheeks. He drank it all, basking in your affection, eyes fluttered shut as you did before cracking a smirk and catching your lips once more to stop you. 

“Hey hey hey, leave a little room for air, wontcha?” He chuckles, his voice and tone a sweet break from the previous conversation, which you giggled to. He stopped you and pulled you to his chest, hand on the back of your head as he held you there softly, sighing, a sigh that expressed the genuine relief he felt deep in his chest. 

You loved him. And he was coming to terms with loving you too. Maybe there was something else to live for other than hate after all. One other thing that would make this inevitable march towards his death worthwhile. Maybe… 

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[nanaminokanojo]

THAWING ICE QUEEN (part 88)

–one night of fooling around with the annoying campus king gojo satoru (he thinks so), turns into...well, something else more long term

CHARACTERS: gojo satoru x you | geto suguru | jjk characters

GENRE: college au | smut | smau | smau + prose | everything in between | ons | fubus to lovers | aged-up characters | idk where this is going

⚠️ TW/CW: strong/mature language | 🔞 | mentions of alcohol, smoking, etc. | this has narrations | god-awful pet names | will add more if something arises

MASTERLIST | CHAPTER INDEX

<<prev part 88 next>>

A/N: Contains prose. CW: slight violence (hello sukuna) | angst

“Guards?”

You swallowed hard, pausing a step behind your father when your cousin’s unmistakable low mocking tone jolted you from your tedium. Your old man made good on his word to obtain all the necessary requirements you would need for your transfer to London. Everything was going according to his plan, you thought bitterly, merely sitting down through the whole process in livid resignation as the dean of the students’ affairs babbled about losing an asset to your department.

Or so your father thought.

Tension rose like thick fog between your cousin and the four men who came with you per your father’s orders. The latter eyed Sukuna as if he wasn’t of any consequence, but you saw his shoulders square up ever so slightly. You were pretty sure he wouldn’t put it past Sukuna to do anything outrageous, and he hired people to watch you at least until the whole process was done.

“Damn, old man. Isn’t this going over the top?” Sukuna spat, leering at your father. You just stood there, watching his fists clenching and unclenching. There was no mistake in his intentions. You grew up with him after all. He took after your aunt, and when he sets his mind on something, regardless of what stood in his way, there was no stopping him.

Just then, his eyes shifted to you. “Are you just gonna stand there?” he snapped just as Yuuji appeared behind him, flashing you an imploring look. “Y/N, come with us.”

You swallowed hard. “I –”

“Get in the car. We had a deal.”

“Don’t move a fuckin’ inch, brat!” Sukuna hissed. “You’re coming home with us.”

“Enough.” The older male merely nodded, conveying his silent command for his men to handle Sukuna should be dare do anything. However, even they hesitated when Kento came into view, getting in between your father and Sukuna. Close behind him were Choso, Suguru, and…

“Sukuna, walk away,” you vaguely heard Kento say.

“Come on, man.” Suguru.

Satoru.

Everything seemed to slow down to a snail’s pace, everything quieting down to a dull hum as the images around you warped into nothing but blurry, distorted colors. Your breath caught in your throat the moment those striking cerulean eyes met yours. And like a dried up gorge, your mind filled with every waking moment you’ve spent with him, every word he ever uttered to you, the sound of his laughter, his smiles… his tears.

You didn’t think you’d see him so soon, and your eyes threatened to fill with tears. It took everything in you to suppress them along with the feeling of your knees about to buckle. Or maybe it was that feeling of just wanting to walk towards him, so near yet so, so very far, and melt in his warmth. Tell him you’re sorry. Hold him. Let him hold you together. Come clean.

Satoru’s eyes remained fixed on you, communicating with you without words, every single word he wrote to you in his messages trickling into the forefront of your mind.

‘I really miss you…’

‘Give me reason to let go…to hate you.’

‘I don’t regret anything.’

‘I love you.’

“No!” Sukuna growled, snapping you out of your reverie and making you remember just why you can’t even talk to him; why you can’t even explain anything to him. Because everything would be a lie anyway. It was better for him to just let you go than hear you spout bullshit about why you even hurt him.

Stepping forward, you stepped towards Sukuna and Yuuji, flashing them a warning look. “Don’t do this.”

Kento inconspicuously jerked his head towards the waiting car just a few paces away.

Your father shrugged, his cold eyes finding Satoru. It didn’t escape your notice how he smirked at the latter’s direction and held you back, grabbing your arm and dragging you behind him. “I said get in the car, Y/N,” he stated again, voice deceptively calm.

“WHY?!”

You knew Sukuna’s question was directed to you, the anger and sadness in his tone slashing at you, but you kept your resolve strong and shook your head.

“You promised you would stay with us. Was that a fucking lie? You’re just gonna leave us?”

You shook your head. “Let’s talk tomorrow.” To your father, you said, “Let’s go.” You turned to walk towards the car.

However, he just had to talk. “You have nothing to do with this –”

It all happened so fast. None of your father’s hired security personnel were able to react fast enough. Yuuji was just a beat too late holding Sukuna back, and Kento wasn’t able to anticipate it either. You stood there, barely able to turn your head to their direction when you saw a flash of pink and black, one large fist speeding towards your father who flew backwards on the pavement, ending up on his bottom, his mouth busted. All that happened in a matter of seconds. Probably not even.

“Sukuna!” you heard several people call his name, but all you could think about was how he would do anything to protect the family while you stood on the opposite side of the spectrum, unable to do just that.

Before you knew it, tears were falling from your eyes as chuckles started to erupt from your throat, soft at first and then becoming more audible, enough for everyone around you to snap their heads towards where you stood. You covered your mouth at first, not really understanding why the hell you were laughing of all things. You just were.

“Y/N…” Suguru was about to walk towards you, but one of your father’s men held out an arm while you started laughing, unable to stop it despite how much tears were falling from your eyes.

“You think this is funny?” Sukuna, who is being held back in a headlock by both Yuuji and Kento, asked you scathingly while your father looked at you strangely, seemingly unable to recognize you. But when did he? He didn’t even seem to linger much on the thought as he was helped up, jabbing a finger at your cousin.

“I’ll make sure you’re locked up for –”

“No.” Through your hysteria, you stood in front of your father, glaring hard at him through clenched teeth. Your hands balled into fists beside you, so tight that you could feel your nails ripping your palms open as you swallowed your misplaced laughter for your next words: “You p-promised. You fucking promised!”

At that, your father seemed to calm down a bit, merely glancing at Sukuna before turning away and getting in the car. You just stood there, breathing so hard that you were seeing black spots in your vision.

And then you felt that familiar warmth seize you as long fingers gently wrapped around your upper arm, making you turn around, but before your eyes can meet those blue drowning pools that threatened to pull you into their owner’s arms where you wished to stay – with each and every nerve on your body firing with nothing but pain – you made him unhand you, prying off his hand from you before walking away and feeling your body turn freezing cold despite the burning sun above you.

Just then Sukuna spoke, making you pause.

“Coward.”

 I know.

And then you boarded the car without sparing a single glance towards the people you knew cared deeply for you, the same ones you were hurting deeply with your decision to leave.

All because you fell in love.

You both did.

A/N: Gonna leave this update for you guys. I'll be doing the rest in the following days. Please enjoy! Thank you all so much for reading. It's getting long, but I don't want to make this half-assed or rushed. We'll get to the end soon enough. Again, thanks!

TAGS LIST: @arxliana @neeneee @charlie-xo @aelynaneedsalottathing @arizzu @cloudxp @justpuddinglol @mikkies @nyfwyeonjun @whats-humanity-lol @letthewindlead @whore-of-many-hot-men @localgaytrainwreck @pikibee @bloombb @mr-underhills-things @lysaray @chocoyanchan @poemzcheng @bookswillfindyouaway @dreamxiing @koutaroo @taelattecookie @kazuhasmaid @weebbuscuit @moonmalice @taengkatsu @reagan707 @lysaray

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI’S JUJUTSU KAISEN. [20240223]

PHOTO/IMAGE/GIF/FANART/ANY MEDIA CREDITS TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

[cr4yolaas]

— til death do us ‘part . ayato x reader

synopsis . with your newfound illness, you cannot afford to make ayato shoulder the burden of the loss of his spouse — so you simply will not marry him. he decides against that.

warnings . Angst !!! rdr has an illness, emetophobia tw (detailed description of puking / vomiting), ooc ayato(?), descriptions of grief and loss, lots of heavy emotions between everyone

notes . tbh, idk much about ayato’s personality? maybe on-the-surface stuff, but not enough to be nitpicky about the little details. i just wanted to write this for him :) one of the quotes is inspired by “the metamorphosis”

late in the night, ayato found you hunched over the floor, with one hand gripping the nightstand and the other trembling violently against chapped lips that quivered just as much. an ungodly amount of blood spilled between your teeth, staining the premium tatami mat beneath the bed. his calls of your name, a name he made place for in his heavy heart, fell on deaf ears as you emptied out the crimson liquid alongside the contents of your stomach.

for once, the man was at a loss. kamisato ayato, the cunning, nimble, and perseverant head of the kamisato clan, was at a loss.

before his thoughts could collect themselves, he reached around his own nightstand for a handkerchief, desperate to stop your slow asphyxiation from the sheer amount of blood and vomit and other unidentifiable liquids you were heaving onto the floor. by the time the fabric reached your mouth, your incessant hacking had come to a halt.

your shallow breaths turned heavy as you gripped onto your partner’s shoulders. “i’m sorry,” you croaked out. “. . . for waking you. you need to rest. you have a lot of work tomorrow. sorry.”

each word was weaker than the last. ayato knew he was supposed to bring you to a doctor, to a healer, to anyone who was capable of helping you, but the only thing he could do in the moment was hold you close to his chest. the aqueduct of white-hot tears within him was threatening to collapse and bring forth a sorrowful fury neither of you could handle. for you, he remained silent.

——

ayato’s mind was filled with a sense of urgency for a reason he could not place. contrast to the anxiety trickling down his spine, cold and unnerving, a soft sheet of sunlight peered through the window, coating his bare skin with a warmth that encapsulated the youth of spring. such a peaceful morning.

when his weary gaze finally met your sleeping form, he became hyperaware of the reason for his unease. bits of dried blood and remnants of dinner last night were scattered around your lips. even while you rested, your brows were furrowed — not in an angry sense, but in the way your whole face would scrunch up when you were uncomfortable. and once the little details started to add up in his mind (which was still waking up), the big picture from last night became clear.

still donning his silk nightwear, ayato rushed down to the dining room, the fear in his eyes piercing through thoma’s warm smile.

a cacophony of shatters filled the estate.

——

three months.

that was what the doctor had told him.

the news was unbeknownst to you. you were only awake for the brief check-up before falling back into an ironically peaceful slumber.

while you rested, ayato sat before his now-cold breakfast. his thoughts were moving around his head faster than he could process them, each one more nonsensical and frantic than the last. at the forefront of his mind, he was contemplating how to inform you of your unavoidable demise. was lying the right choice, despite being morally cruel? should he serve your death sentence to you on a honey-coated silver platter? or maybe, serve it to you cold and blunt?

kamisato ayato was stumped.

to his sister, who sat across from him, it looked as if he had a vengeance against his food. with delicate hands, he tore apart pieces of his bread with a violence akin to the way he handled his criminals. each fruit slice was impaled with his fork, but the pieces never met his lips. to top it all off, his plate was smothered with runny egg yolks. an edible crime scene, thoma called it. all of which committed with a straight face.

it did not take an ounce of intelligence to see that he was drowning in his thoughts, so much so that it was killing him from the inside. neither sibling nor servant took the initiative to speak to him.

you woke up to your lover’s mess of a meal, a small upturn of your lips gracing your face as you took a seat next to him.

your lover, and soon, your husband.

the thought made your face heat up just a bit.

“what’s got you so focused?” you asked him while placing your own portion of food on your plate. it was a passing question, one made out of jest, really. regardless, it made ayato break.

“june,” he mumbled, his stare falling to his breakfast (or rather, the lack thereof). the pair on the other side of the table could only look down at their own meals, playing with and separating the food, as if their appetites had simultaneously vanished. you, on the other hand, were only looking at ayato, your brows furrowed as confusion slowly nestled itself in your stomach. again, he spoke under his breath, “yes, summer.”

“i’m not sure i follow. . . ? is something wrong?” genuine concern was etched onto your face. ayaka sucked in a heavy breath, her hands fiddling with the hem of her dress.

ayato made the decision.

“you have until june.”

——

there was something so tantalizingly slow about the way death peeked over your shoulders. akin to sunrise on a foggy day, it crawled up your bare skin, infecting every square inch of brittle bone. and all ayato could do was watch.

there were no known cures to your condition, and attempting to delay the rate of the infection through surgery or medication would prove to be more of a risk. you showed no interest in trying, anyways.

you had resigned yourself to his bed (not your shared bed just yet — you had yet to officially move in with him), which he paid no mind to. with little hope left in him, but all the affection for you remaining in his heart, he tried to make the best of what he had left of you.

it took him a week to finally approach you. when he did, he bore a bittersweet smile and a small pastry from the market in his hand — more specifically, your favorite pastry. but, as soon as your lips started to move, he wished he had been faster.

“let’s cancel the marriage.”

maybe, if he had sucked up the sorrow in his heavy heart just a day earlier, the thought wouldn’t have passed your mind. or maybe, if he hadn’t wallowed in his pool of guilt and despair at all, you would’ve much rather stayed with him til the very end.

he found himself frowning at your words. the plastic in his hand audibly crinkled from his grip, which only tightened slightly. “why?”

at his inquisition you looked away. it almost made him laugh, how you looked so much more alive when you weren’t facing his way. he noticed your hands reaching for bits of skin on your lips, peeling away with an unrivaled anxiety.

this was not your plan. you were hoping to distance yourself from him (and the rest of the world) gradually, so the final blow wouldn’t be too bad. so that, when the inevitable happened, he wouldn’t grieve too hard. in all honesty, when he broke the news to you, a wave of remorse and shame and disappointment washed over you. remorse, because you would be leaving behind a newlywed corpse. shame, for letting your body succumb to such an illness. disappointment, because you could not fulfill your lover’s wishes of sticking together until the very end. he had never asked for much, especially from you. the only thing he ever pleaded for was that you stay by his side. and you were unable to do something as simple as that.

you unleashed a heavy breath, one filled with such unfiltered emotion that it struck ayato hard. “i cannot promise you what you want. in the next three months, i’ll be nothing more than a expiring body on your bed. and when the wedding comes around, i will not be able to go. to my own wedding.” you sucked in another dose of thick air. “i cannot explain to you what is going on inside of me. i cannot even explain it to myself. it hurts. i don’t know what to do, but i do know that it’ll render me unable to stay by your side.”

you couldn’t count on your fingers the amount of stories you’ve heard of widows and widowers who lost themselves to grief over the loss of their spouse. the thought that ayato’s experience would add on to the list made your heart hurt.

with a grace he always seemed to embody, he approached the bed and sat beside you. strawberry-kissed fingers brushed against your knuckles, dry and blistered. “i won’t ask you to explain anything else to me,” he reassured you, his voice laced with velvet tones. “but i promise you, my dear, i will love and cherish you until your last breath, and until mine. there will never be a moment that goes by where you’re not in my heart. i am yours, and i wish for you to be mine equally.” with soft lips he pressed kisses to your skin, coating your dying soul in an asphyxiating amount of affection as he went from your forehead, down to your chin, down to your hands, and then your lips, chapped as they may be. every word he spoke held truth. “even if you are gone from this world, it’s still us against everyone else. i’ll give you that.”

[spacelazarwolf]

i hate to be that person but theres no way anybody would say a trans woman facing domestic violence is a good thing because it means shes seen as a woman

normally i don't go for the "no one would say x if it was y person" but tbh in this context, and considering the history of the group of people saying it, yeah i think you're right. i don't think people should see a trans woman facing domestic violence as a good thing. they should see it as a horrific act of abuse. but like. it seems like a lot of ppl only think things like domestic violence or rape or police violence or what have you are wrong when they happen to the group people told them experience it most.

honestly it reminds me of what i was talking about in my post about tw/cw culture and how it's become disconnected from the actual purpose of trigger warnings. this is the post. basically, people no longer associate trigger/content warnings with "thing that warns you of material that could be triggering/upsetting" but with "putting tw/cw x at the top of the post or in the tags of a post." they've dissociated the action from the purpose. so people will see a post that starts out with "this article i'm linking mentions rape" and say "you need to add a tw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" when the very first sentence is the trigger warning, because their brain is so used to associating the concept of a trigger warning with that specific action. even in that post, i neglected to mention other things that have triggers, like psychosis or epilepsy, because i'm so used to talking about triggers in the context of trauma that my brain associated them solely with trauma.

and i think people have fallen for this mindset with interpersonal and even systemic violence. people hear that women are more likely to experience rape because they are an oppressed group and rape often relies on a certain power dynamic, and because they want a quick and easy rule to follow, they go "ok got it raping women is bad." but they haven't internalized why rape is in and of itself a reprehensible act. which is how you get people rightfully condemning when a woman is raped, but not batting an eye when a man is raped, including when that man is trans. because their brain has associated rape being immoral with only women, so they literally just do not see it as immoral when it happens to a man, even if one of the reasons he was raped was that his attacker saw him as a woman.

the same thing, imo, is happening with people looking at victims of transmisogyny who aren't trans women and going "that doesn't matter." because in their mind it's wrong when trans women experience transmisogyny because they're the group that experiences it most often so that's where they learned about it. it's not transmisogyny at it's core that is morally wrong, because they haven't even fully unpacked what it is. so when someone who is not a trans woman experiences transmisogyny it just does not even register.

and like. idk how we fix that. idk how we convince people to care about other people. i just know this is my theory as to why it happens.

[orionicchaos]

Blushing mess | genshin x gn!reader

× gn!reader | they/them pronouns

× headcanons

× characters : diluc, kaeya, albedo, venti, razor, bennett, zhongli, tartaglia, xiao, chongyun, xingqiu, ayato, itto, kazuha, thomas, heizou, gorou, cyno, tighnari, al haitham, scaramouche

🌺

TW : fluff, but slightly suggestive in some parts (zhongli and maybe heizou idk) no proofread

others warnings : modern!au and non-modern!au (it depends lol) pre-established relationship and non-established relationship, they are kinda simping for you tbh, favourism in venti, zhongli, ayato, albedo etc parts, poorly written for some.. [male version]

summary : they couldn't help the red blush on their face, they couldn't help the warm in their cheeks, ears and neck, and worst, they couldn't hide it from you

a.n. : is this fucking repetitive? Hell yeah! do i lack vocabulary? also! still, i hope you'll enjoy, also if you want any other characters just say it! likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated too, especially comments !

navi.

♪¸¸.•*¨*•.

Diluc

-honestly, it's not even that hard to fluster him, he's (internally) easily flustered

-BUT, good luck trying to catch a reaction out of him

-Man knows how to hide his emotions, and i mean HE REALLY KNOWS

-Even catching the smallest hint of blush is a huge victory

-Diluc could be in a "screaming, blushing hard, crying his eyeballs out, throwing up, banging his head against the wall" state and you'd have no idea

-There's only one thing you can do to make him blush : surprise him with small kisses on the forehead when he expects it the least and then he BLUSHES

-Depends of the moment, but it can go from a very tiny blush to a big fat reddish blush that you can also see on his neck

-To aggravate the blush, you can always kiss him again and again, and again..

-He's act like nothing is happening, but man you know he's so flustered hehe

...

-Diluc? You call him

–Yes darling? He answers, the nose so close to the papers he's working on that it almost touch them.

–Can you look at me?

He raises his head and smiles at you, waiting for you to ask for something. To his surprise, you simply smirk, the one you pull when you're about to tease him, and you give him a butterfly kiss on the lips.

He can't say anything, the face redder than his hair and a silent scream hanging from his almost trembling lower lip.

Kaeya

-Kind of guy to flirt just to hide the fact that he's so easily flustered it physically hurts

-So whenever you flirt back it's the end of him

-Big big messy blush is reserved for the times you are both lying on the couch, and that you're playing with his hair while saying every compliments crossing your mind

-He tries to flirt back and keep his composure but oh baby, you just talk so fast he can't keep up

-if you add forehead kisses he might die

...

As you enter the room, Kaeya raises his head and greets you with a charming smile.

-My, my, what a beautiful partner I have. Maybe you should come closer so I can see you better.

-Not as pretty, handsome and mesmerizing as you, my darling, you slyly add.

He swears under his breath that he's going to die one day. You slowly approach the couch, then take his chin between your fingers. You slowly kiss him and take the lead, while stroking a strand of his hair. You withdraw from the kiss, smirking as he bites his lower lip, trying to hide the reddish blush on his cheeks.

Albedo

-Good luck

-I mean, you never saw him blush before, so you don't even know if it's possible

-You two weren't even that close, you did some school projects together but nothing crazy

-Still, you had a silly little crush (no, in fact you were so deep in love with him) on him, and don't know if your feelings are reciprocated

-You were kinda nervous (an understatement) about it, not knowing what to do of your feelings

-You tried to bury them deep in your chest but they kept flooding out of your heart

-One day though, you decided to confess

-On a cold evening of winter, you decided that it was the right moment.

...

Sitting in front of him at a small table in the library, you were listening to his understanding of the subject for this semester's project. The wind was loud and violently smashing the window's glass, the air was cold. You tried to focus on what Albedo was saying in vain, too busy scrutinizing the way his lips moved at each word and the disposition of his hair framing his face. You sighed, and thus caught Albedo's attention.

-Is something wrong, dear?

You heart clunched pleasantly in your rib cage, holding for dear life to this tiny hope that he liked you back. You shook your head, and tried to search for words. Your mouth was dry, and you had a strange sensation in your throat, maybe it was attempting to prevent the words from coming out.

The blond looked at you, uncertain of what to think. He found himself unable to continue his explanation, disturbed by your sudden gaze on his person. His heart missed a beat when you suddenly spoke.

-Albedo, be my boyfriend. Please.

It was almost as if you were begging him to. As if it was a necessity, as if you knew his feelings for you. Did you know?

–I like the way you... I like you. Please, it may seems sudden but I really thought about it and I really want to love you as a partner because being friend isn't enough. Because it hurt and I don't want it to hurt.

Not knowing what to say, he looked quite a long time at his feet. When he decided to meet your gaze again, you seemed so serious and sincere it made his cheeks warm, and he blushed.

Venti

-I'd say it's easy to make him blush but at the same time, not that easy

-He already has light pink cheeks most of the time, either due to alcohol or just when he's with you, because you always make him happy and his cheeks naturally tend to be pink

-You know that guy has no shame, he's thousands years old and knows every songs (including the ones that are yk.. come on you can't tell there isn't some poems which are about seggs)

-If you want to make him flustered flustered, good luck

-You have to find the most beautiful compliment in the world or he'll just chuckle a little before complimenting you in return (he's better than you at making you flustered)

-The easiest way may be to wait for an early morning when he's not fully awake yet.

...

The early morning's sunrays were shining through the window and into your bedroom, as you opened one eye to see the sleepy face of your boyfriend. You stared at his peaceful features. His nose, his round cheeks, his long eyelashes, and the way his hair was beautifying his already pretty face just as if he was made to be beautiful.

You let out a silent sigh, a small pount on your lips, and suddenly you felt like you were made to admire every details of his beauty, and to make songs about it to make sure the world knows it too. With a single light touch on the cheek, you woke him up and decided you should kiss him everywhere and so you did.

He was not fully awake and was still trying to understand what was going on. He felt your lips on his skin, your hand on his cheek and your other hand slightly pulling on his hair and it felt so unreal he thought it was a dream. Unconsciously, he moved his head so he could reach your mouth, his fingers grabbing the bed's sheets like his life depended on it.

His eyes were half closed and locked on your lips, but when he opened then wider and met your gaze, he saw a kind of fascination, like if these eyes were looking at something beautiful, almost out of this world, an unknown wonder hidden behind layers of mysteries unsolved. His heartbeats started to quicken when he remembered these eyes were looking at him, reaching for the soul laying in his heart. Maybe it was thanks to the intimacy of the moment, but his whole body was now radiating an alarming heat and his face, ears and neck were red.

–Hello, darling, you said as you kissed his nose.

His silence was so loud of love for you that the sun greeted you both with its warm and brilliant embrace, and Venti smiled.

Razor

-I don't know if he's never blushing because he doesn't understand what is going on most of the time or if he's always blushing because of anything you do

-That one is kinda fifty fifty tbh

-You two are friends, or bestfriends I may say

-He's so confused because he started feeling "weird" around you some months ago (he's in love yk yk)

...

A small smile curled on Razor's lips when he found you half asleep, laying against a tree. He didn't know from where the desire to sit down next to you came, but he accepted it nonetheless. Sat on the grass a few inches next to you, he extended his legs a little to find a comfortable position, taking care not to soil his school uniform's pants.

You smiled to yourself as you opened one eye, took his hand in yours, and he turned his head to hide it from you.

–Hello, Razor, you said while stroking his palm, and he stayed silent for a few moments.

-Hello, Y/n.

And you could see the red on his neck. If you had tried a little more, you could've seen his deeply pink cheecks.

Bennett

-One of the easiest to fluster, boy's a blushing mess 24/7

-Whatever you say, whatever you do...

-And you both aren't even in a relationship! (yet)

-If you want to really make him blush like he never blushed before, there's still one thing you can do : you have to lean close to his face, maintain the eyes contact, slightly touch his shoulder or whatever and say "I love you"

-Basically confess

-Boy's almost melting, he's so red I'm not even joking

....

You were both lying on the bed like friends do, in a small castle made of pillows and blanckets, all warm and comfy. It was one of these calm yet slightly flustering moments for Bennett, because you were so close to him and he could almost feel your breath on his neck and it felt so good knowing you were right next to him but he was also so in love with you and so shy about comfessing and his heart was about to melt. His whole body was so warm and his cheeks were already tainted with pink.

Like the little asshole you were, you started to move even closer to him, making sure both of your shoulders touched each other, leaving your hot breath on his skin like a burn.

Heart bumping in his chest, he turned his head so he could see you and your teasing smirk, so your eyes met.

-Hey Bennett, I love you, you mutter with a laugh, never breacking the eyes contact.

You could see his whole face becoming red and his eyes widening, as the commisures of his mouth curled into stunned grimace.

You putting your hand on his arm had him definitely dying as he started to stutter words you couldn't understand.

Zhongli

-It takes a lot to make him blush

-He's always so calm, confident, unbothered

-You two have a complicated relationship, basically you're supposed to be sex friends the night and to hate each other the day but you both fucked up and fell in love, yet refused to admit it

-You know because you were supposed to NOT fall in love

-So yeah complicated

-Another man who needs a whole ass confession to blush

...

The moon was already high in the sky when you came back home, Zhongli's hand in yours as your fingers squeezed his knuckles, almost running to your bedroom. He was surprised by the urge in your movements, as if he wasn't feeling his own heart at the verge of giving up on its job - keeping him alive until you kissed him.

Grabbing his collar with your gloved hands, you pushed him on the mattress, and you stared at him with a confused expression on your face. You were on top of him, sat on his thighs and fingers stroking his neck, while he looked at you with hopeful eyes, expecting you to give him what he wanted, and for the first time you could understand what he was thinking.

You let out a shaky breathe, closing your eyes for a second and suddenly you bowed over him, nose one inch close to his.

-We're fucking idiots. Damn!, you yelled. Looking so pretty for me. Just for me. Damn, Zhongli, I think I love you. Be mine.

Incomprehension filled his eyes and they widened so much it was funny. As he processed the words, his face became redder and redder, and you heard him swallow his saliva. You smirked at his face, went to eat his lips until they were puffy and he melted against you.

Tartaglia

-He usually is the one to fluster you, I mean y'all see what I mean

-He's not the one to crack a pick up line at every occasion he gets but he does a lot of compliments and always speaks before thinking when it comes to that

-Don't get me wrong he's cocky as hell but pick up lines aren't his thing

-He does not hide his feelings, even when you weren't together

-Now about the blush part.. Like Venti, his cheeks naturally tend to be pink all the time AND HE HAS FRECKLES yeah

-You can't do anything of your own will to make him blush, but there're also these times when even if you do nothing, he's still blushing hard

...

You felt his fingertips on your forearm, tickling your skin a little. As you noticed his head a little bit closer to yours than a few seconds ago, you tried to focus on the papers in front of you, waiting for your delicate handwriting to fill the reports and for your signature at the bottom-right hand corner.

-Ajax, come one, let me work.

He signed, retracting his arm, and started whining about you "being distant and cold and not giving him attention". You gazed at him for the first time in twenty minutes and chuckled at his pount.

-What about you let me finish everything that needs to be done right now and then I'll be all yours? For the rest of the day? Sounds good?

–For the rest of our life sounds definitely better, he said, and you didn't know if he was joking or not.

And even if your were supposed to be the one flustered by the compliment, the way you looked at him, with confusion, expectation, happiness and the smirk on your lips made him blush, as he tried to hide it from you, not understanding why he had that reaction.

Then, you let out another chuckle that melted his heart and he desesperatly covered his face with his hand.

"What in the hell is wrong with me?"

Xiao

-The friend who can't take compliments, like at all

-Is flustered by any demonstration of affection coming from you

-But will NEVER let you see his face, he runs away (teleport somewhere else you don't even know how) everytime

-Good luck trying to see his flustered face

-Good luck trying to make a move in order to date him </3

-He doesn't blush a lot tho

...

The autumn breeze was nicely brushing against your skin, and the music you were listening to was your favourite. It was a nice morning of september, one week after the beginning of the school year. As you looked for a paper in your school bag, you noticed a student standing in front of you, and the surprise of recognizing Xiao hit you.

He seemed confused, trying to find his words, and he silently cursed you don't know who under his breath. Maybe he has been forced to go talk to you.

-... What are you listening to?, he suddenly asked.

You smiled a little, and you handed him one of your earphones which you didn't use often because it hurt one of your ears. He accepted, sitting right next to you, as stiff as a tree. He nodded his head after a moment, like he was agreeing woth your music's taste.

You gazed at him and noticed a small, tiny blush on his cheeks, his jaws were relaxed and he had a small pount on the lips. It gave him a really different expression than usually, maybe a bit softer and maybe, his walls cracked a little.

Chongyun

-Has the biggest crush on you and can't help but be flustered and blushing when you're around

-His friends aren't helping at all

-Xingqiu, Xiangling and Hu Tao I'm looking at y'all

-He's always admiring you from afar and blushes when he looks at you for too long

-Nobody knows if he'll ever be able to confess because he can't align two words when he talks to you

-You don't have to do anything but to be you

...

The opened door of his locker was like a wall protecting him from you. He has been lucky enough to have a locker right next of yours and he cursed every deities for that, because he had to worry about meeting you everyday. He just couldn't see your smile without starting to have a tantrum in his chest and his cheeks to warm up.

Today was a really bad day for him because you decided to both greet him and smile while doing so. Like usually, he blushed and panicked, not even being able to say hello back. He pushed his head into his locker so you coulnd't see his face.

Little did he know that you noticed that behaviour a while ago and were just waiting for him to be more relaxed around you. Maybe one day he'll be confident enough to confess. But before that, you should try to act friendly enough with him.

-See you later, Chongyun, you added as you patted his back.

Xingqiu

-I can hardly imagine him blushing to be honest

-He's always so composed and I think he handles embarrassment easily

-STILL, he's weak for sudden acts of affection

-Little butterfly kisses on the forehead/anywhere on his face, quick hugs, compliments

-COMPLIMENTS

-He's a sucker for praises, (I'm right argue with the wall) just praise him and he'll melt

...

You left the bathroom the second your heard your husband calling your name, heading towards your shared bedroom. You found him in front of the mirror, trying to do something about his tie, a sheepish smile on his lips as he glared at you, silently begging for your help.

You chuckled a little.

-Darling, you're in your twenties. You're lucky I know how to tie this thing,

He pounted at you, before laughing.

-May you help me with my tie, my Liege?

You walked towards him, and helped him tying the piece of clothe, putting his long hair behind his shoulders so that it didn't bother. You then kissed his nose, closing your eyes while doing so, which seemed to stop his every movements.

-You're so beautiful, Xingqiu, and it's not because of the suit.

When you re-opened your eyes, you saw him smiling and noticed his red cheeks, as he scratched his neck.

Ayato

-That sly mf is the best at hiding his blush

-Smooth asf, you would never know if he's blushing or not

-It doesn't mean that he never blushes, he does (would never admit it tho) but you just CAN'T see it

-He doesn't want you to see his blush because he feels like he looks too vulnerable with it

-One time tho, when you noticed an almost invisible taint of pink oh his face, you tried to see it entirely

...

-Come on baby, let me see it, please!

Your boyfriend turned his back at you and almost hid in your shared closet, chuckling a little as if he was just messing with you. In reality, he was just so flustered he feared that he looked ridiculous. He was desesperatly holding to the "cool and hot boyfriend" image he had.

-I am not blushing, so there's no need for you to see it.

You laughed, not buying his lie.

-'Yatoooo, please ! I'm sure you look super cute!

You took him by his arm, pulling him out of the closet with a strength you didn't know you had. You both fell on the bed, driven by the sudden movement, and to your surprise, you fell on top of him, thus, you had a visual access to his embarrassed face.

He bit his lower lip and looked away with unsure eyes. He felt his already hot face become hotter and hotter as you admired him.

-Enjoying what you see?

His voice was almost shaking. The view felt unusual, it was the first time for you to see him like that, vulnerable.

-Yes. You're so damn handsome baby. So, so cute, too.

You cupped both of his cheeks with your hands, looking straight into his eyes, and you whispered.

-I love you so much.

Itto

-Big boy is actually a softy for you

-He fights he hugs but most importantly he protecc

-Or something like that

-Bro still believes he's in the friend zone because you called him "bestie" one day

-So whenever you try to make a move he's always "shit it's not that deep bruh move on my dude" but he's blushing like a mess and internally screaming

...

-Hey Itto, I was wondering... Would you like to go on a dinner with me?

Your sudden question made him stop talking in the middle of a sentence. He blinked once, twice, and realization seemed to hit him, and his cheeks turned pink.

-Oh, you mean like a dinner between bestfriends haha, yeah of course my friend I'm always glad to eat with-

-No Itto I mean like a fucking romantic dinner between someone who's trying to flirt and a guy who's to oblivious about it, like come on it's like you're doing it on purpose.

His eyes widened and he went silent for a good three minutes, as you sighed. He smiled sheepishly at you, sharp teeth showing a little.

-Yeah, I'd like that, he said somehow shy.

-Good, see you at 8 p.m then.

You left the poor man alone with his heart that had gone crazy, his flustered expression and warm cheeks.

Kazuha

-He's usually the one that can fluster you

-He has a few haïkus ready everytime he comes back from travel

-But that doesn't mean he never blushes, actually he does pretty often, as your relationship is recent in a sense

-Nonetheless he must the the only one who does not hide his face when he blushes because he trusts you so much

-Did I mention the haïkus?

...

You opened one eye as you felt a cold finger at the corner of your mouth. You smiled as Kazuha greeted you, loving look directed at your person.

He dropped off his travel bag at the corner of your bedroom, deciding that it would be taken care of tomorrow in the morning. He changed his clothes, choosing a clean shirt in the wardrobe, and a pair of baggy pants, then joined you in the bed.

You took him in your arms and went to kiss his lips, strocking a strand of his hair, before you pulled out to chuckle a little. You noticed a small blush on his face before he turned off the light.

-Welcome back, Darling.

Thomas

-The "busy" co-worker you talk with once a week

-He keeps avoiding you because of his massive crush

-Whenever he sees you in a corridor he fakes having an urgent business to deal with because he's that nervous

-Convinced himself you will never love him

-Sometimes, he buys you coffee, tea, or hot chocolate when he feels relaxed enough to hold a conversation

-Always has a light pink shade on his face when he talks to you

...

There was a long and heavy silence as you stared at him with dumbfounded eyes. He seemed rather nervous, hiding behind the bouquet of flowers he bought you, waiting for you to say something.

He looked at you through the stems, trying to stay calm. You didn't notice his small blush. He sighed at your lack of answer, scratching his neck.

-May you accept these flowers?

You took the bouquet without a word, not knowing what to say, and you took knowledge of the flower's sent.

-They're really pretty, thank you, Thomas.

He smiled at what you said, relieved.

-I'd also be delighted to have dinner with you, you added.

Thomas felt a pleasant squeeze in his heart, and you couldn't help but chuckle at his small pount. You then gazed at his hot red cheeks with tenderness.

Heizou

-Good luck trying to make him blush, he always sees it coming and prepares himself in consequence.

-By far the cockiest bastard

-The kind of guy to whisper the most obscene things in your ear in public, so he's the one who makes you fluster most of the time

-You have to surprise him, and watch closely because you could miss his reaction

-He's so cute when he blushes tho

...

-Don't run away now, pretty boy, you smirked at Heizou.

Holding his tie with a firm grip, you pulled him closer to you, and pinned him against the nearest wall. He felt cold sweats pass through his spine, as he swallowed his saliva.

-What now, where is all your teasing? Cat got your tongue?

-Come on Y/n, there's no need to go this far, it was just a little teasing, nothing more.

He tried to hold back a nervous laugh, eyes widened of surprise. He never saw this face of you and was kind of regretting pushing you this far.

-How about you got the taste of your own medicine ?

His eyes narrowed and you leaned closer to his ear, then whispered some unholy things and left the poor boy alone, red like a crayfish and stuttering random words.

Gorou

-Another easily flustered man

-Please leave him alone when he's working because he blushes for ANYTHING

-You're part of the Watatsumi Island army but you aren't under his orders, yet you usually skip your meetings and trainings to join his just to have the pleasure to mess with him

-He loves you too much to tell you to leave tbh

...

Surprised looks scrutinized your figure as you approached the group, then looked back at their general. You smiled at your husband, hands in pockets, and went to sit down next to one of his soldier, in front of him. You watched his face slowly losing his smile, and he pinched his nose bridge.

-Y/n, we talked about this, Gorou started as you stared at him with malicious eyes.

-Ah yes, we did.

Seeing that you weren't moving at all, he continued to explain this and that to his soldiers, and you kept your gaze on him. He tried so hard to keep his composure that you almost laughed.

-Well, that's enough for today. If you have any question, please go on...

-Sir, are you free tonight? You said as you raised your hand. 'Cause you look kinda cute and-

He yelled at you to stop, stuttering on his words, and you smirked at his behaviour. When everyone left, you took his hand in yours and kissed his warm pink cheek.

Cyno

-When he's at school, he has to play the role of the student council member (we all know he is in the council come on), and he's super serious about it

-The whole school hates him for this but he's forgiven because he's just that handsome and sometimes (sometimes) nice

-The kind of guy who will beat the shit outta bullies with no hesitation

-Anyway, whenever you try some pda in school, he's all red and curses you because you "are distracting him" while squeezing your hand a little harder and silently begging you to kiss his cheek again

...

It was a normal day of school; people were chatting in the corridors, borrowing books from other classmates, some teachers were already at their third cup of coffee of the day (and it was only 10 a.m), some were strangely in a good mood, and most importantly, you found Cyno in the middle of giving a lesson to the poor guy who forgot to return a paper in time yesterday.

You smiled fondly at the scene, walking towards your boyfriend, and giving a slight sorry gaze at the poor student in front of him.

-Hey, Cyno, how about you let that man alone and try to help be with my physics essay? you said, an inch from his ear.

He had a small jumpscare and looked at you with widened eyes, stuttering words because of your sudden proximity. You pulled him out of the corridor, in the yard, chuckling, and that was when he seemed to wake up.

-Y/n! Stop preventing me from doing my job!

-Oh, you smiled. Honey, you're so serious and cute... You should probably be less serious too.

His cheeks were now harboring a pretty taint of red, and Cyno looked away.

Tighnari

-Touch. his. ears.

-Touch. his. tail.

-That is what they have been made for!!

-Anyway, he's super sensible in these areas and the intimacy makes his heart go badoom

-Also, cup his cheeks in your hands and smooch him lol

-He does not like pda but he doesn't mind you doing it in the comfort of your room, even if he blushes sometimes

...

Tighnari closed his eyes when you started to massage his scalp, appreciating the sensation of your fingers running through his brands of hair.

-Can I touch your ears?

He gave you a small smile, nodding slightly his head in approbation. You then started to pet his ears, from the bottom to the tip, while smoothing the fur, scratching it a little in specific areas. Your boyfriend melted against you and blushed from the intention.

-I love you, Darling.

Al Haitham

-Doesn't seem like it but I believe that this man always blush because of pda

-But just because it's you

-Like even the dirtiest words wouldn't affect him (well it would but that's not the matter right now)

-Just take his hands in yours while walking in Port Ormos and you get to see his small blush

-If you add a kiss he'll be all grumpy and will try to hide his face because of how hot his cheeks feel

...

You hummed a Sumeru ballad as you walked down the street of the port, peacefully talking with your boyfriend. Your little walks with Al Haitham were now going unnoticed as people were now used to see you and him together.

-Hey, what do we eat for dinner, tonight? you asked him when you passed by a small restaurant.

He sighed as he met the expecting eyes you gave him.

-It seems that you already found a restaurant.

-Nah... But you're right though, that restaurant looks really comfy and it smells rather good! Come on, we should go now!

You adressed him your biggest smile and took his hand, heading towards one of the tables, while his other hand went to hide the lower part of his face, and both his cheeks and hand felt hot to him. Likewise, he couldn't help the peaceful feeling in his chest.

Scaramouche

-His face is always red... of anger

-Just kidding

-Since he's new to all of that "affection" thing he's a little bit awkward, and even shy, but he doesn't blush often ig

-Hens still the one who wants to hide it the most, not that he succeeds everytime tho

-When he starts to call you a "stupid dumbass" that needs to "stop saying so many bullshits" it means that he's actually flustered and maybe blushing

-But he can be a tiny bit affectionate when no one's around, yeah

...

-Hey, Kuni ? You called him while serving yourself a glass of water.

-Hm?

-Do you want me to cut your hair? It starts to get a bit long.

You sat on a chair, waiting for his answer, while he seemed to be thinking about it.

-Don't get me wrong, it looks good on you but I thought that maybe...

-Is it true? he asked, looking at a bowl of fruits on your kitchen's table. That I look good with long hair?

-Yes, you smiled to yourself. Maybe a bun would look good too.

Scaramouche's gaze searched for your own eyes, and he announced :

-Then give me a bun.

You chuckled at his demand and nodded. You passed your hands through his hair, pulling it all together in a nice loose bun with two strands of hair framing his face.

-... So beautiful, you whispered.

And just like that, you got to witness his flustered, pink face.

tag list : @amyskmk

credit : me

[immentallyilll]

Prevent the war - part four

-let´s just not forget that this is a YANDERE fic so even though he loves reader, he is dark and possessive over her (it´s not that dark but still keep it in mind -

-a little announcement i will probably make like 1 or 2 more parts because i personally don´t like too long fics and i don´t really feel like writing for hotd, idk why (i´m also writing for hitman -agent 47- rn )-

Pairing: Yandere Aemond Targaryen x reader Targaryen 

Trigger Warning: Yandere Aemond, fingering ( i will add tw´s)

-You lifted yourself a little to connect to his lips, closing your eyes and he did as well. And it felt like your life depended on the kiss, he instantly tightened his grip to hold as close as possible. He wanted to keep this forever, you in his arms, kissing him back, now sharing not only a thought of love bur actual love. You brought your hands to his forearms, to keep up, because he took the lead of the kiss, since you have never done it. Wet, sloppy sound spreading in the silence. Your hums adding and it sounded as a song to him. Knowing he will never allow anyone else to hear it, God forbid experience.

You pulled away to take a breath, opening your eyes only to see him, happy, he looked like he just got a dragon. "Aemond..." you whined, wanting more. He looked at you, melting of the way his name sounded, falling from your lips in desperation. -

Aemond was still on top of you. Now holding your face in his hands, not letting go, afraid it´s one of his dreams. His lips were soft as clouds, yet the force, he brought every time he leaned into your mouth, was little unpleasant and attractive at the same time. You felt like this tension was missing in your life, the way Aemond holds, but still the voice in the back of your head kept telling you to push him away

And then this weird sensation of feelings washed over you, disgust and need. Like what the hell, you thought, i can't actually love him. But in reality, he´s probably only hurt and all of his behavior is just a mere attempt to show you his interest in you. He´s just bad at showing it, you tried to assure yourself. You did try to make yourself hate him in the past and now. He made you feel safe and in danger at the same time. You loved him and hated, wanted to kill him yet the thought of kissing him did not sound bad. But the time that felt like eternity has made you long for him. The confusion pissed you off every time you thought about it.

Aemond finally broke the silence "Paghagon ñuha byka gevives (breathe my little beauty)" he said quietly with a dark undertone. You looked up at him, lips opened in a small gap, his as well. The sloppy kiss left a mixed salvia on you lip. You both panted heavily, catching your breath. Aemond´s eyes were full of lust and need for more, to hold you, to kiss you, and more, so many things he wants to do with you. You shook your head to come to your senses. Wiggling under him once again, why do you have to do this, he thought as he grunted.

"What is it now?" he demanded answer " Why the squirming? Hmm?" he titled his chin and you eventually "Did you not like the kiss?" he teased with, his angry expression formed into a smirk. You finally sat up, still under his hips but he lifted himself a little as soon as you started wiggling. "We can try other things, i´m sure you´ll like those." he suggested as he creased your arm. You shrugged away from his touch, trying to get him to lift his knees so you could slip away. "Don´t mess with me, it´s a late hour if you did not notice." you urged, "Oh, but i love messing with you darling" he chuckled darkly. "Aemond get off" you said in a warning tone. "Ahh, how adorable" he said in a soft voice as is you would shatter if it´ll be louder. "I said get. Off." you said as you poked with your finger into his chest."My, my, moments ago you couldn´t get enough of me and now you are pushing me away, again? How hurtful." he said. You rolled your eyes and pushed at his chest once again. And he did move. Strange, you thought.

Aemond pulled his weight on one of his knees and rolled off of you, to your side. Now he laid on his side, leaning against his elbow. "Now what?" he asked with a grin on his face. Why does he always smile? you thought, irritated. "What do you mean what?" You questioned in confusion. "Well, you wanted me to get off of you, and i did, get off. So, what are we going to do now, since we both are fully awoke and i doubt you´ll be able to go back to sleep. Also, the sun will come out in an hour or so." You really wanted to sleep but he was right. Your mind drifted away for a moment, thinking of how to get busy in the free time. Aemond just watched you, how your eyes wandered in the space as you tried to come up with an idea. How your hair turned into a slight mess, due to the fact you only woke up. You took a deep breath and the expression on your face spoke of worry. You actually worried to talk about it. Not even knowing why.

"I think we should talk." you broke the silence. Aemond was little confused, "Talk about what exactly?" You sighed, "About ... us." You said quietly almost whispering the last word. "I´m sorry i did not catch that, the last thing, to be clear." he narrowed his eyes as he talked. Bullshit, you knew he did hear you even though you whispered. "You heard me" you were annoyed with the way he toyed with you and yet it made you wet. " Mmm, no my love i did not." The way he spoke to you, his words almost forming into poems in your ears. You sighed again "We should talk about us" you repeated, little louder. Aemonds grin formed into a wide smile, "Alright beautiful, what do we start with?" he asked as he changed his position again, sitting up. " Wipe that damn smug off your face." you spat. "Or what, my little niece?" Aemond teased you.

You were about to say something back, opening your mouth but he took a hold of it, again. Clasping your cheeks in one hand, "My dearest i am going to warn you, that mouth will get you into a big problem so i suggest you leave any mean comment for latter, so i will have plenty of time to..." You wanted to protest as you brought your hands to his forearm, but his palm just muffled your voice. "What did i just say." he laughed at you, desperately trying to get his arm away. "Little thing, do not interrupt me when I'm speaking to you, it´s not nice you know." he said in a warning tone, but like that would stop you. You finally got his hand off your mouth, now trying to push him away. Aemond got up to his knees, towering you, as he took hold of your chin, bringing your face closer to his

"Do you remember the thing i told you this evening, when you interrupted me?" he asked steading his breath and you just stared at him, you had no idea what is happening, but you also had no idea why you were getting wet, in need. "I wanted to tell you that, if it was my way, I'd spank you pretty ass raw, until my handprint would stay there, until you learn a lesson. That i´ll keep your mouth on my cock until you will be cockdrunk, until my seed will drip from your mouth." You were gasping at that, feeling the liquid in between your thighs as you rubbed them together, whining in desperation. "What i´m saying is that my mother told me to be nice to you, oh sorry she asked me not to ruin you. So, i tried to do it her way but your attitude has wasted my patience." he said as if it was a relief, to not wear the burden of pretending. "Was everything a lie?" you asked, more like whined, you didn´t even think before speaking. Aemond seemed confused for a second but then he realised. You wanted to know if he did all of this to please his mother or if he did it because he wanted to do it with you. His behaviour did change from storms end and now it was back.

"Do you think i lied? No, i only did everything a little gentler, so, like my mother asked me, i won´t ruin you. Well look at yourself darling, i stopped being nice for a moment and you turned into a whining mess." Aemond said, narrowing his eyes. "But i don´t think you are whining because you don´t like me being mean..." he stared into your soul, you knew he will figure it out, but you felt caught, "...the exact opposite, you can´t get enough of it." he smiled devilishly, proud of himself, that he made you feel like that. "Oh, you are filthy little thing, aren´t you." Even though you wanted more soft touches, more soft words and soft Aemond, the meaner he was, the more your clit throbbed. You turned your head away in embarrassment.

Aemond saw it as an opportunity to make you even more desperate. He noticed the way you rubbed your thighs when he shared his wicked desires with you, how you shifted in your place every time he gripped your neck, chin or your wrists. Each time you whined, blushed or turned away, even when you neglected him it made him crave for an opportunity like this. He didn't hesitate and moved his hand from your chin to the side of your neck, titling your head to the side to have a better view of it. Aemond latched on it, like a starving man he was, for you. He sucked on the soft flesh, not even caring to pay attention to your whines and pleads. Aemond made a tray of kisses and nips from one side of your neck to your collarbones. Again, he turned your head to get better angle on the other side, doing the same. He chuckled when your hands found the nape of his neck, holding him closer to you. you didn´t want this feeling to vanish.

" Nh... no" you whimpered as Aemond pulled away, leaning against the headboard next to you. "Come sit." he said, patting on his lap. You had the "great" idea of shaking your head as "no". You meant it as a little pay back, he just stopped kissing your nech, which you enjoyed, so why should you do something for him. He lifted his eyebrow, giving you a second chance to answer. The corner of your mouth twitched as you tried not to smile when you shook your head once again. "Alright, have it your way." he said, reaching for you, one hand on the back of your thigh, to lift it and pull you to his lap and the other hand on your hip, pushing you to move. In a span of second you were forced onto him." You yelped at the force, quickly holding onto his shoulders for balance. "I did give you a chance to do it yourself."

You were little confused and scared, not that you didn´t want to do this with him, but you had no idea how. Who makes the first move, how does it feel, will it hurt so many questions and no answers. Aemonds hands gripped your hips, kneading the flesh through the soft material of your nightgown, his eye was pierced onto you, the eye contact making you nerves. " I have dreamt of this, thousand times at least." You breathed heavily, gasping at almost every word. "Speak my darling." he said in a softer tone. "I-..." you began, and he nodded his head in awaiting manner. "Aemond i never did this." You spoke. "That´s alright my love, i will teach you everything." he assured you. "But do you want to?" he asked, he sounded concerned. You nodded. "No pretty, i need to hear it." You wiggled at that a little, does he always have to make it harder than it already is.

"Nuha byka gevives, gaomi daor emagon naejot gaomagon bisa (my little beauty, we do not have to do this)"Aemond said in a caring voice, staring right into your eyes. "It´s your choice i won´t push you into anything, alright my dove?" he asked. You did hesitate, not that you didn´t want to fuck him but your self-confidence made you think twice. "I want to," he nodded towards you, asking you if you really did "i really do." you breathed out, exited.

Aemonds hands went from your hips to your thighs, running up and down in a soothing manner. he leaned in to kiss you again, but you backed away, a little worry showed on your face, again. "What is ti that´s worrying you pretty mind" he asked, and his voice was probably what an angel sounds like, a mischievous and possessive one. "Aemond i´m scared." you said, his smile dropped. "Darling it is absolutely alright if you do not want to, this is about you, not me" his brought his hand from your thigh to your chin, trying to calm you down. "It´s not that i´m afraid of," you clarified "it's what will come after, i don´t think that either my mother or my whole family will approve this. They won´t allow this marriage, not if it means Aegon will be the king and i´ll be forced to stay here." you said finally sharing all your worries. He looked quite shocked. "First of all, nobody will ever, EVER, force you into anything. You are mine and i´ll slaughter anyone who does not understand it. Not me, not my mother, my brother, no one." he assured you. "And what of my family? If they say that i´ll go back to Dragonstone, then what. Will you go with me or against me?" you asked. "I will do anything to keep you happy, i will burn the whole Westeros for you if you only asked, anything you want." He took your face into his hands. "I´ll do anything if it means you´ll love me, i would kill anyone." he said giving you a warm smile and you returned it.

Your hands moved from his shoulders to his neck, pulling him closer, connecting your lips. Aemond straightened his neck for better angle. Your tongues battling, mixed salvia spreading in each other's mouth. Aemonds broke the kiss, his hands moved to the back of your things once again, pulling you up to your knees. You began to play with his soft white hairs that was spread on his shoulders. His fingers digging into your skin as he creased it, moving to your ass. Roughly grasping it, which made you moan. He stared at you and said, "You are wearing too much." And with that he pushed the material up to your hips, over your breasts and finally, pulled it over your head, tossing it on the ground. You immediately pulled your hands to cover yourself as an instinct. "No. Don´t you cover yourself from me." he pulled your wrists to your sides with force. Aemond inhaled deeply "You do that again and i will bind your hands to the headboard and fuck you until you cannot walk." he threatened, and it made your clit ache as you whined.

"If this is a dream i´ll kill anyone who awakes me." he said as his hands got back to your ass. Aemond started planting a kisses from your abdomen up to your breasts. Sucking at the skin the whole way up. He brought one hand to dip into your core. " Darling you are dripping. "Who made you wet like this? Huh?" he said as he teased your clit slowly, in a circling motion. You mumbled something in gibberish. "I didn´t even put anything into you little cunt and your mind is clouded already. I wander what will happen if i do this..." he said as he pushed one finger further, dragging it in and out. You threw your head back in bliss, moaning his name loudly. After a little while he stretched you out enough to insert another finger, he pushed in it with words, "Look at you, at my mercy. I could do whatever i want and all you could do is just take it." You looked at him with wide eyes and he laughed, "Don´t worry, i´ll go gentle on you today" His mouth got back to work, leaving aa tray of marks from your stomach to your breast, he sucked and nipped on your nipples enough to make you cry out, but not enough to actually hurt you. Sucking at your nipples as his thumb worked on your clit. Working his fingers in and out until your thighs shook.

"Aemond i-" you panted in between moans, Aemond let go of your nipple and looked at you. "i think ..." he knew damn well you were about to cum, but he wanted to push you a little more over the edge. So, he pumped his fingers harder into your cunt while his palm was pressed against your clit and every time, he pushed in your cunt you were closer to edge. "Aww what, are you about to cum?" he asked as he just jammed his fingers into you, the other hand was gripping your wrists behind you back. "I asked a question baby. Are you about to cum?" he asked again and then added, "Do not test my patience again and speak." he said, you stared at his, your cheeks flushed and watery eyes. "Yes-ahh" at the end he pushed down at your clit making you moan. "I´m sorry baby what was that?" he said with smile, circling his thumb to make it impossible for you to speak properly. "Yes!" you almost screamed, but just when you were so close, he started slowing down. "Yes what?" he demanded. "Wha..."you breathed out in confusion, you did what he asked so why can´t he just let you cum. "You think i´ll just let you get off that easily?"he put on a painfully slow pace. "Nooo... don't stop" you whined. "Just tell me you want to cum and i´ll make you" he told you.

"Come on, you can do it" he urged "I want to cum, please..." you said and bucked your hips toward him. "Sȳz riña (good girl)" Aemond praised you and picked up on pace again. The sound of your wet walls swallowing his fingers mixed with your mewling. "Look at how you take my fingers, my beautiful darling" he praised you again and planted kisses at any spot he found. You felt the intense feeling in your lower stomach again. "I can tell you are close, you are squeezing my fingers." he said. "Aemond p-please" you stuttered, feeling heavenly. "Let go my darling, relax" he calmed you down. And with that said you came, juicing his fingers as you almost screamed from the pleasure. You felt little lightheaded, panting, your thighs shaking. "Shh, my love, you did so good" he praised you as he let go of your hands from behind your back. You moved your hands to his neck and shoulder, keeping balance. "I will pull out now," he let you know to be prepared, just in case, slowly dragging his fingers out of your wet pussy. You ached a little, his fingers were soaked with you cum, "Love open your mouth" he ordered softly, and you complied, as you parted your lips, he slipped them in.

You sucked a little at his fingers and he pulled them out, he brought both hands to your thighs, and he lifted his hips and moved your legs so you could stretch them out. Aemond had you settled in his lap again. He leaned in for a kiss and so did you, letting him taste you. "I will eat your pretty pussy tomorrow, i could drown in this taste" he said after he pulled away. "Darling you´re going to wait just for a moment, okay?" he asked, and you nodded, " Love use your pretty voice for me please." he demanded in the softest tone. "Okay." you answered with a gravelly voice, and he smiled, happy with you complying. Aemond lifted himself a little and turned so he could place you on the bed to lay down. He covered you with the soft cover to keep you from being cold and walked away but you barely caught that. Your mind was slightly clouded, trying to understand what just happened, coming down from the high. You drifted to your memories of the way his face lit up the moment he saw your body, the way his eyes sparked, it made you smile.

He came back with a tray on which was place a bowl of hot water with a washcloth and a glass of water for both of you. He put in on the nightstand. "Scoop here pretty girl" he told you and you did, shifting closer to him as he took the washcloth and soaked it in the water, then squeezed the water out, leaving it damp. Aemond took your hand and placed it to your hand, "Is it alright? Too hot?" he asked, and you shook your head "It´s great, thank you." you said, and he smiled in return. Aemond cleaned your shoulders and back, you didn´t even realise that you got sweaty. He treated your skin like a glass. After he was done with your upper body, he pulled the cover away and slowly did the same. Aemond rinsed the cloth a few times to keep it warm. His hand held your thigh as he washed you from your calf to your thigh and then he moved to the other leg. Rinsing again he asked, "Are you in any pain?" while bringing the cloth you your pussy, knowing it might be a little sensitive. "Not really." you said quietly, enjoying his tenderness.

He gently cleaned you pussy, then he reached for the towel he got on his way too and dried the water in between your thighs. Aemond cleaned all his stuff away and got the glasses, "Love drink it all please." he said as he handed it to you, while holding his own. You drank it all, you haven´t realised how thirsty you were. He took the glasses and put them on the tray. You shivered slightly as the breeze tickled your skin, he instantly walked over to his closet and chose the softest sleeping shirt for you. After he handed you the shirt you put it on. It was big and soft, full of his scent. "Do you need anything?" he looked you deep in the eyes and you shook your head no. He nodded and climbed into the bed. As soon as he laid down, he reached out for your waist to pull you closer to him, cuddling you. Your head under his chin and your leg laid on his hip. You kept your hands close to your chest, but he tangled his in and you just happily squeezed it."You did so good for me, baby." he showered you in praises.

Aemonds hand were creasing your back, his warmth making you even more tired. " I love you, my darling."he whispered to you. "I love you Aemond" you whispered back, you could feel how his body tensed for a moment. the two of you slept in each other's arms.

-i did it. finally, god it took me sooo ling i´m sorry-

happy reading, bye bye

[kurtzw0rld96]

KÖNIG SMUT!

NOT MY GIF!!!

this is my first ever post so i’m terrified.😭

warnings : mask kink!, (f) reader, caught masturbating,daddy kink, thigh grinding, chubby reader!, body worship, fingering (f) receiving, name calling,TW: mention of scars! um idk what else-

18+

You’ve been waiting for your loving husband to come home , it’s been around a month and a half and every day you’ve been dreading just waiting for him to come home safe. Every time he comes home he comes with a new scar and it scares you to death.

It’s been a long day and you’ve just came back home after a long day of working, getting yelled at by your boss. You come home to an empty house, you sigh and go into your room that’s shared with your husband. You change out of your sweaty clothes, put ur hair up in a bun and pop in the shower. You sigh feeling the hot water hit your skin, you wash your body thoroughly, ignore washing your hair and just think to do it another day. You pop out drying your body and changing into some shorts and a tank top.

You go into your room and lay down on your bed, then start scrolling through your phone and look at the time 01:37am. you sigh again and close your eyes and lay down on your side trying to fall asleep but then your mind keeps playing these inappropriate images of könig just pounding you-

you shake away the thoughts and try again but all you get is the times you and him have had sex, you start feeling yourself get wet and just thought “he isn’t here he doesn’t know i’m gonna do this without permission.” you slide off your shorts and panties and rub your clit thinking about the way your husband does it, it just doesn’t feel as good as he does it.

you slowly put a finger inside yourself in sigh in relief, you put another finger in and start thrusting, you moan out loud “könig” then that’s when you hear a shift on the floorboards.

you look up in fear and see that it’s your husband. you gasp and cover yourself and try to frantically explain yourself. “nono this isn’t what it looks like!” your delighted to see him but terrified at the same time.

“my my don’t let me stop you darling, keep on going” könig chuckles and walks towards you slowly and pulls off the covers you oh so failed at covering yourself, he takes off his gloves and shirt. You can’t help yourself but just topple the man while kissing him, you sitting on his lap while kissing him after so long js what you both longed. He moves a little and you can feel his thighs flexing right under your pussy, you sit on his lap properly and can’t help but just move your hips and let out a gasp. You look at him just to see him looking at you with the most tired but seductive eyes ever.

You whine just seeing him looking at you like that and your so tired at chasing your high so you bite your lip and whine, “what is it my Schatz? need some help?” you nod looking down in embarrassment.

he grips onto your hips, definitely leaving a bruise there but you couldn’t care less and he guides your hip to grind yourself on his thigh, after minutes of this, you cannot get yourself to cum. you tear up and pout “i cant do itttt” you whine to him and look at him. He softly smiles at you and lays you down gently on the bed “don’t worry my love let me do all the work”

you nod at him and open your legs and cover your face from embarrassment after it’s been so long since he’s seen your body being all vulnerable to him. He drags his hands up your thighs going over some scars and places his hands on your hips and whispers to himself “such a beautiful body.” you blush and smile softly. He adds one finger into your pussy and slowly moves and sees the way your body responses and adds another fingers scissoring you open, getting you ready for him.

When he takes out his fingers he sees how wet you are just from this foreplay and lifts his hand to his face and uses his other hand to taste you while looking at you. he hums at the taste and starts undoing his trousers and pulls them off.

“you ready?” he asks very quietly, when he sees you nod he slowly enters you and looks at your expression. Sees your eyes roll back just from him doing this and slowly picks up a pace while you wrap your hands around his neck, moaning into the side of his neck, you beg him over and over again “more, more, more please daddy.” he snaps when he hears that name and starts to pound into you putting your legs over his shoulders to get more depth.

you feel so close. but you can’t seem to muster up the words to tell him but he can tell your close, the way your back arches and your face scrunches up “let go, Meine Liebe” he whispers into your ear and your body can’t help but listen to his command, you cum, moaning his name over and over again, your legs shaking just a bit and he snaps. Starts pounding into you because he’s so close.

he cums into you and let’s you ride out your high, he pulls out and gets a tissue from the bed side table and wipes himself and wipes you too, he smiles softly at you seeing your tired expression. He takes off his mask and goes down and kisses your forehead and goes down to kiss your scars littered on your thighs.

you tear up everytime he does this, you sit up and pull him in for a kiss, he kisses back and you just stare at him lovingly and smile.

he hands you back your shorts and he then stands up and gets himself a pair of shorts and lies down on the bed beside you and looks at you “i’ve missed you so much meine Prinzessin” softly he says to you. “i’ve missed you so much too könig” you say back

you feel comfort after being able to lay down on his after so long feeling the comfort of his warm body you hold his hand and close your eyes drifting off to sleep slowly “i love you Liebste” he says tiredly

“i love you too könig”

THIS IS SO BAD 😭😭😭 kill me xx

[andromedaexists]

The Death I Gave Him || Em X. Liu

★★★★★

TW: SELF HARM (ON PAGE, WARNED), SUICIDAL IDEATION, SUICIDE (PAST, MENTIONED), MAJOR + SIDE CHARACTER DEATH

I feel like I need to mention how this book was recommended to me

Now that we know this very relevant background: The Death I Gave Him is one of the most mind meltingly fucked up thing I've read in a while, and I've gotten into erotic horror as of late

It is a queer and sci-fi retelling of hamlet that managed to be even more fucked up than the original, something I didn't think possible. Did it hit the sci-fi mark? Yes absolutely as soon as Horatio was introduced that was a yes. Is it queer? 100% it is because idk how else to describe what happens with Hayden and Horatio. Is it Hamlet??? Absolutely it is Hamlet may not be present by name but good fucking lord is the story interwoven into the very fabric of this book.

This book is also very unique in it's presentation, which I fucking love omg. It starts with a prologue that's less of a prologue and more of an academic introduction into the rest of the book. You see, this book and the recounting of what happened that night in Elsinore Labs is a recreation by a student a hundred years later based on what remaining evidence they have of the events. This is really fucking cool!!! Please give me more books like this!!! Learning about the student and their motivations through footnotes in the book is so fucking awesome!! Seeing where they had evidence for what happened versus where they created a fictional account based on personality, probability, and remaining dialog…. Stunning. Truly.

I also quite loved the interspersing of mediums in this book. We have traditional fictionalized prose mixed in with excerpts from Felicia's article after the events mixed in with readings from Horatio's systems and message logs from Felicia's pager!

It's all just so brilliant.

I'm making the call here to add the spoiler warning because I want to get into the characters a bit, so just be warned [SPOILERS AHEAD]

So, as per Hamlet, the first thing to happen is the death of the King. This time, our King is Dr. Graham Lichfield. A renowned scientist and researcher working on the Sisyphus Formula.

His son is Hamlet, of course. He's known as Hayden in this book and we get to see his descent into madness mostly through other people's (or other AI's) eyes. He is a pathetic man with no spine, just the way Hamlet should be.

Hayden's Uncle is Charles, of course. He didn't work on research with Graham and Hayden, but he does run the labs more or less.

Then we have the security guard: Rasmussen. I think he's supposed to be a stand in for Rosencrantz & Gildenstern, but honestly I read Hamlet back in high school and though I watch it at least once a year (David Tennant is the best Hamlet, I will die on this hill), I don't really ever remember Rosencrantz & Gildenstern. So this is just an educated guess.

From here, we have the Xia's. Felicia Xia and her father, Paul Xia. They are security and they are our Ophelia and Polonius. The brother exists as well in Arthur Xia, however he is not physically in the building and does not show up until literally the last chapter.

That leaves one. Horatio. Also knows as the Elsinore Labs Operating System. He is the AI of the building that has slowly gained consciousness over Hayden's life. He is also intrinsically linked to Hayden after the man turns on his NeuralLink so we know a lot about what's going on in Hayden's head because that's where Horatio resides.

Of course another key player in Hamlet was his mother, and while she is present as a character, she is not physically in the building.

And why do I keep saying physically in the building? Well that's because after the death of Graham; Hayden, Charles, Rasmussen, Paul and Felicia Xia, and Horatio are locked into Elsinore Labs. That's right, this is a locked door thriller.

This book is everything to me, like I am genuinely just so…. god I can't even think of the words for it and I am writing this the day after I finished it!!!

I was on the edge of my seat the entire way through the book, especially when we get lines like these:

It was Hayden Lichfield who I remembered. Not because he was brilliant (though he was), but because he was afraid.

Hayden Lichfield was afraid of death, because he was afraid of failure, and he spent his whole life trying to reverse it.

Hayden was not like me, but he was afraid of the same things that I was, and his fear changed the world.

What we understand of Horatio is inextricably entangled in what we understand of Hayden.

I would haunt you very cautiously. Leave some vague messages alluding to my existential dread in your shower every morning. Nothing special.

The Sisyphus Formula wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Do you want to live because you want to live, or because you're afraid to die?

Then be afraid. I will take you afraid and alive over anything else.

He splits himself open, willing or not, digs fingers into himself, thinks maybe the edges of death are pressing in at the edges, maybe finally he will find repentance here at the end of all things.

Just because you've been a jackass doesn't mean you've messed everything up irrevocably. You'll have good days and shit days and eventually there'll just be days, you know?

I am feral for this book, I am foaming at the mouth. I need to be buried with this book when I die. This book is intrinsically a part of who I am not in the same way that The Teras Trials and Bloom are. It speaks to something in my very soul

Anyways! I think that's really all I can say on this book without writing a whole ass analysis of it (which I would gladly do if people wanted that), so I will leave it here!

[a-little-unsteddie]

not to like, hop on the fuck tumblr train that’s been going around but choo choo motherfuckers i have an idea for a social media platform that will be completely feral. if you know coding (bc i do not) and you want to actually genuinely help with this let me know!! because i think i have something fun here.

at the beginning of the most recent wave of stupid updates that tumblr has so wonderfully (/s) supplied us, and when twitter became x, i realized that there’s kind of a gap in the market of a genuinely good social media platform and i was split between two options in my head.

Orbital, a “serious” social media platform that would have a lot of themes around space and take itself seriously as a genuine competitor for the virtual black hole that x and instagram and facebook has left over the last few years.

or Foolery, a less serious social media platform that would not take itself seriously and lean into the fuckery that is tumblr and twitter and somehow combine them, with themes around the circus and other performative careers.

can you guess which one i want to do?

(Foolery, it’s Foolery. i am obsessed with this stupid idea.)

so, i have put some thought into this. like, not a lot, but more than none! here is a few of the basics that i have thought about:

The sign-in/sign-up page would have a randomized slogan from a list of however many we come up with. ‘Welcome to the show’, ‘a place for tricks and treats’, ‘a place filled with shenanigans’ etc

Home Icon - a big top circus tent, where you would end up doom scrolling content. this would have two different modes, similar to tumblr, it would default to chronological, but you could also chose to participate in an algorithm.

Profile Icon - a clown nose, on desktop every time you click on it, it honks like a clown nose does. view your account here.

Creating a post would be called ‘Create an Act’ with different forms available—text, picture, video, poll, etc. the icon for this would be a quill.

Followers would be labeled as the Audience, which would be toggle-able, by default this is set to private, which means that only the owner of the account would be able to see the number, but can be turned public. There would also be an option to just list your Troupe, which would be your mutuals.

There are three admin accounts—Tom, Foolery, and Tomfoolery. Foolery is the publicity, Tom is the cryptid user that appears randomly to comment on peoples post, and Tomfoolery is updates, polling, feedback, etc.

Tickets are notifications as a whole—how many interactions with the post there are, whether that’s likes (peanuts), reposts (unnamed, maybe just reposts ¯\_(ツ)_/¯), comments, etc.

Peanuts are likes. It means you enjoyed the Act (post). maybe feeds the algorithm.?

Golden Tickets are similar to blaze—you can use a Golden Ticket to boost an Act, whether it’s your own or another person’s, so it shows up as a recommended Act for more people in the same fandom/side of Foolery.

now onto the even less thought out ideas, but things that have been on my mind:

I want there to be a tagging system similar to tumblr, but a filtering system similar to ao3? idk if that makes sense, but my basic thoughts are: +tags are used to add to a certain tag and can be searched using that tag. -tags are used to exclude that tag, and can be used to avoid the tag itself. (ex. a post tagged with ‘+steddie’ would be able to be searched using the tag, but a post tagged ‘-steddie’ would specifically be excluded from that tag, but still used as a kind of ‘content warning’ type thing, like ‘-tw blood’ or something similar)

Tragedy/Comedy masks? idk what for, but i think they’d be fun.

Jester Hat - used to signify ‘official’ accounts? i doubt companies or celebrities would use Foolery because obviously but like. just in case, we can publicly shame them for using the literal clown app.

porn. nudity. whatever. nsfw SAFE babes. all your porn is welcome.

anti-ai sorry not really lol

and that’s all the thinking i’ve done about it. but like. i think it would be fun to create, i just don’t have the knowledge nor the resources to actually create a website or app. and if you couldn’t tell, it’s definitely slightly inspired by tumblr minus all of the bs that it’s doing lmao.

so. dm me ig? if you wanna do anything with this? i warn you now: idk what i am doing. i don’t have a discord set up or anything. and! nothing will probably come out of this. however!! it might be a fun project to fuck around with. my roommate is trying to learn coding and one of my closest online friends is in college for it, but i know nothing about it whatsoever and i think that we three people cannot do this alone.

[terminalisms]

caved so quick to the 2nd muse impulse o mein gott......throwing sejoon into the mix with another minimal stats page + round two of rambly character intros 😵‍💫 if u are interested in plotting just like this post or add me on discord!! (tip.toph) 🥰

tw! mentions of terminal illness, death of a parent

only son to 2 anomalies. plain jane working class background

in a past life, dad is still a top tier hardboiled detective who doesn't gotta think about the fact he has a wife and kid at home

in this one, mom is inconveniently out of the picture for......... [vague gestures] reasons and he has to hunker down into single father life fast. ends up opening a restaurant in order to be able to provide

but in spite of all of this his childhood isn't so bad! he and his dad are close despite obvious stark differences in personality, which can be summed up as naive softie vs cynical hardass. even if sejoon's too trusting ways has dad up at night wondering how the hell is this kid gonna survive on his own

also dad: [does the absolute most to keep him shielded and sheltered cause he's Seen Things and as a parent's bare minimum that means letting a kid being a kid. which means shoving things deep under a rug and the default response to any inkling of curiosity being "Don't worry about it"]

until sejoon's anomaly kicks in at 12-13 by making a patron's chair float on accident and his dad's like k. better late than never......

its a little (ok a lot) hard to coach sejoon through controlling his abilities considering dad's own anomaly is not anything remotely close to moving things w his mind (its memory manipulation btw for some hwang fam #trivia) and sejoon is like ): but this is so cool why shouldnt i wanna show it off......

their deeply anti-anomaly district with equally staunchly anti-anomaly neighbors, friends, politicians being a VERY good reason not to: (:

dad: wear this patch thingie. dont ask why just do what i say

(thank god for nullivi huh like seriously)

doesnt stop the bubble bursting with when people realize ur not "human" they treat u different but ykw.........the sun is still shining and the world is much much bigger than their humble slice of daegu for EVERYONE to be that way

sua's open for admissions just around the time sejoon's thinking about higher ed AND broadening his horizons. gets in on arts scholarship and off he goes

baby bird leaving the nest turns fish out of the water. college and seoul are a bit of an adjustment but exciting all the same. and he does thrive! gets involved in the sporting rallies, really developing his artistic vision, has a social life, and gets to be his #true self among fellow anomalies the whole enchilada

things only really go downhill in the last 6 months of his undergrad with 2 wrecking balls: a devastating breakup and (TW: ILLNESS, DEATH) his dad being diagnosed by stage iv lung cancer

its right after graduation that sejoon immediately falls off the face of the earth for 3 years to be his father's sole caretaker until his death (END OF TW) no one i mean no one knows what he was doing or where he is

but hes back now to do his mfa!! let the bella loca where the hell have u been-isms begin

vibe wise hes bright, social, easy to talk to but can also be kind of spacey eccentric and the ultimate pacifist. the type that makes u feel like u guys are sooo close but then when u reflect ur like actually idk if i really know much about him at all (which!! is not totally intentional he just makes for a better listener and is great at making conversation about what YOU have to say). these days that same can do energy is there but it doesnt feel the same if u look too close but its fine!!! everything is fine

plots that are marginally better than the first time around but not by much:

friends who were blindsided by him going mia without warning

friends who are gracious enough (or equally ??????? avoidant? weird even) to pick up where they left off like nothing happened in the first place

people who dont even know who he is so like none of the above for his sob story doesnt even really matter

this is really really limited to one (1) person but somebody who managed to run into him in the three years that he was laying low

will require extensive plotting but the ex......not necessarily endgame but i am in the mood for some bittersweet woulda shoulda coulda's, angst and answering the penultimate question of: why did we break up?

former teammates? i imagine he was part of house samjoko during undergrad

ur a stranger feeling nosy and ur ultimate mission is figuring out where hes been. he lets u speculate

u need someone to do ur graphics. can be contractual pro bono whatevah.......

im running out of steam here but i am open to it all please hmu

[konoa-t]

I wanna talk about Mort more!! :D

Kinda long, so putting this behind a cut

[TW: Violence, mental collapse, torment, profanities, loud sounds]

Ok so I took a screenshot from the document where I hold a synopsis of all my OCs current lore, and I’m gonna elaborate on all of these points cuz I thought it would be fun!! I’ll be addressing each point in this image (starting from the top-most one)

Ok so idk how this got started but for some reason Mort just loves pancakes. Like he can’t get enough of them. His favorite is blueberry pancakes, with classic buttermilk being a close second (Yes this is very important information).

I couldn’t decide on what military rank to give Mort, so I just made it unkown :o) On a mildly related note, I did think about making him the colony’s scientist :D

Mort doesn’t talk at all. Technically he is capable of speech, but his mind has been so broken that he has almost lost all motivation or ability to form coherent sentences. However, he has found a way around this. He uses sign language to communicate with others when he feels like talking. Occasionally he will have a translator with him (either Reuben, Ackley, or Cormick [another OC, I’ll reveal him at some point in the future]) to help those who do not understand sign language. He’ll also make grunting, growling, or snarling noises in response to certain things (caveman brain LMAO. Though he’s pretty smart so maybe just gremlin brain would be a better term).

Also to add on to the previous point: when mort is signing, he swears a lot. Example:

Opponent: If you don’t get over here and fight me…

Mort: 🤏✋🖐️✊ (Kiss my grape-colored ass.)

Ok so here I mentioned that he was tortured, but I never specified how, so I’ll go ahead n elaborate on that OvO;; so basically the dark essence creatures used their dark magic to try and corrupt him (believe it or not, they weren’t initially intending to hurt him; they just wanted to turn him over to their side). Mort’s body rejected the magic, which led to his body painfully distorting itself (hence why he has a face that looks like it’s literally melting off. This is also what led to his mind breaking).

Okay so this one is more of a reference, specifically to this audio (VOLUME WARNING). I once made a joke about Mort’s feral screaming sounding like the typical caveman scream and it was so funny to me that I decided to keep it. So, whenever he screams, it just kinda sounds like “RAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!” (If I’m being honest, his snarls sound more threatening than his screams.)

Mort has a bad tendency of, well, being excessively violent. Like, DOOM Slayer levels of violence. Most people are terrified of him for this reason.

This is another thing that started off as an edgy joke but is kinda sorta canon now. He doesn’t always do this, but if he’s pissed off enough (or.. hungry… enough? Maybe??) he’ll literally just… take a bite out of his opponent. Like full on, edgelord Baraka main style, just… Nom. (Fun fact: Baraka was actually one of the inspirations for his design!)

Thankfully, Mort is pretty tolerant of people he doesn’t regard as threats. This includes established allies, animals, and children (even though he REALLY doesn’t like them). He won’t attack people who fall into those categories.

Even though the worst part of his life has passed, he still has to be tormented every day by dealing with the nonsense of his colleagues. They often get him involved in shenanigans, which he is always less then pleased to get dragged into.

…Yeah, Mort does NOT like kids. He can’t stand them. They’re very… screechy (ironic, coming from him) and he finds that annoying. He won’t harm them in any way, but sometimes he just gets the urge to punt them over a fence.

Mort has a horrible tendency to bite people on impulse. Anyone who makes sudden or violent movements towards him should expect to get some part of their body chomped off. Even Reuben has to be extremely careful when checking any injuries Mort gets. In order to prevent this habit, Mort agreed to having a metal plate placed in front of his mouth (its held in place with short screws). While this is mostly effective, it is not a failsafe, as Mort is still able to knock or break it off at will.

Yeah, Mort is very creature-pilled... He is violent and unpredictable. However, he is still able to be pacified and befriended. (And who doesn't wanna be friends with an absolute creature?)

Because of everything that’s happened to him, his mind is pretty much in shambles. He is still able to retain some of his sanity, though he mostly acts very feral o_O;;

This bullet point was mostly in regards to allies and such. If he doesn’t think you’re a threat, he’ll just kinda sit there and pay you no mind. If you wanna chat with him, you’ll have to initiate it. Otherwise he’ll just… stare at you. (NPC behavior indeed. He’s not a fully serious character if you couldn’t tell lmao)

While Mort will listen to direct commands, he often just does whatever he wants. If he wants to do something, then off he goes to do it. He still gets his work done though, so no one in his colony really complains.

Bonus: Mort's official ref image, provided for convenience :D

[wooahaes]

hi! (first time sending an ask so pls lmk if anyone has this emoji but-) i completely agree w/ u that writers should put a warning or smth that the fanfic will be catered to a certain body type as ive read fanfic w/o that and have felt insecure. not saying these writers are intentionally trying to make ppl feel bad, but they need to realize that sometimes their works do cater to thin/skinny body types and letting readers know that rly isnt a big deal. ty for always speaking ur truth! - 🐱 anon

hi nonny! im gonna answer all ur asks in one go <3 (no need to apologize for spamming! i had a moment of 'oh fuck did i say something wrong' but thats just anxiety brain speaking haha)

honestly! i genuinely don't mind if writers wanna intentionally write works for a thinner reader, it'd just be nice for them to write in a little warning at the beginning of the fic <3 i write chubby readers and mark 'em with chubby!reader so my audience knows, nothing wrong w doing it the other way around!

i also wanna say, i remember looking up "seventeen x chubby reader", "svt x chubby reader", or smth along those lines on tumblr but just knowing almost nothing will pop up 💔. until i saw a little fanfic called "tiger stripes" and was baffled that someone actually wrote something that had someone like me in mind. i remember feeling and being so happy about it. just thank you for your svt x chubby reader works because u make us chubby carats feel so seen 🫶🏼 - 🐱 anon

aaaa ty lovely!! im a chubby gal myself so i love writing chubby!reader fics from time to time when inspiration strikes <3 usually i try to keep everything body neutral so that anyone can enjoy my fics (even in my chubby reader fics, i try not to specify how big reader is so that anyone bigger can enjoy them), but sometimes i just gotta aim something for the chubby gals out there <3 tiger stripes is one of my most beloved fics and it genuinely makes me happy to think of my own stretch marks as tiger stripes hehe <3

ah anyway !! hope im not a bother w/ my asks !! i just wanted to tell u this despite my shyness bc idk, i rly feel like u needed to hear it 🙏🏼 anyway, i also wanna add ur a rly good writer and keep on doing what ur doing 👍🏼 - 🐱 anon

u are 100000% fine!! i love talking to anons and ur always welcome to pop into my inbox whenever you feel like it <3 + it does always help to hear that other chubby carats enjoy my work!! mwah mwah ur so sweet

tw fatphobia mentions (nothing explicitly fatphobic tho) // omg though.. i remember finding this [redacted] x reader fic and bc it appeared under the [removed] tag (smth like that) and i assumed that it was catered to fat ppl. but unfortunately it turned out to be incredibly fatphobic w/ it's themes, plot, + y/n. im not saying u have to be fat to write "x fat reader" fanfic but perhaps step away from writing for ppl u have no understanding of if ur gna write stuff like that.. - 🐱 anon

redacting the guy + the tag from your ask purely to try and avoid anyone tracking down the writer by any means! i trust my followers to not do something like that, but i'd feel better reducing that risk in any way <3

oh yikes! i think like... its worth it to sometimes address fatphobia in writing, but that kind of stuff 100% needs a warning! one of my current fic ideas involves a reader who is confident in her body but kinda relapses back to a previous mindset of 'maybe i Should be ashamed of it' after being fully insulted for being a bigger gal and the fic would absolutely have a warning.

i do agree that you def do not have to be a bigger person to write chubby/fat reader fics, but its definitely something you need to be mindful of when you wanna handle the heavier topics. im always happy to weigh in with my own thoughts + experiences, and im sure other people would be, too! no shame in trying to address it in themes/plot, but there's def a difference between endorsing those ideas and discussing them (and i'll say i have no idea which was being done in this fic)

(btw: no one go looking for this writer to say anything to them btw, we do not promote harassment on this blog--anon ur 100% fine to express ur opinions since i've seen fatphobia in reader fics, too, and it's okay to express discomfort with the idea. i'm always open to discussing things as long as they don't point too directly to anyone's work--and i'm equally open to taking down anything that pinpoints a certain writer.)

anyway ur 100% fine to send as many asks as u want!! im always happy to talk to people esp abt topics like this (or in general too!) <3 ty for being polite tho mwah mwah ur v cute

[brick-a-doodle-do]

Tiny workers au! Do you have any idea of how Wilbur/sbi meet Tommy/benchtrio and what point Tommy is nommed willingly lmao and not some random kid. And maybe some conflict between the customers (SBI/Dream) the Tinies and the boss? Maybe he got one of those reviews and is punishing Tommy through noms, some trauma for the poor lad </3

okay SO

i'm changing my original plans for this au just a tiiiny bit :))

wilbur and tommy meet for the first time in the minigolf au. i reeeally like the trope where a sad depressed giant slowly just becomes significantly more mentally stable when a certain tiny comes around.

wil's family is very concerned for wilbur's health. he's been cooped up in his apartment not talking to anyone, so naturally they come up with a way to get him out. phil (or tech) gets him a one day ticket to the park, and basically being guilt tripped into it with the 'it was so expensive' and 'do it for us' shit, he forced himself to go.

eventually he settled on doing minigolf, somehow ending up with tommy as his tiny (i know how, but i want to keep some things a secret :])

as for emeraldduo meeting tommy, i'm not sure yet. maybe wilbur brings the tiny home one day and finds that his family is just chilling around his apartment lmao,,,,,, it would definitely give secondhand embarrassment depending on how i write it but i can give it a shot :D

OKAYOKAYOKAY SO NOMS IN THIS AU

i love love love using a stomach as punishment/timeout so YES that is absolutely happening. but, before that happens, i want wil to nom him at least a few times. and there is a reason why. i want tommy's comfort level around humans to be very high after he meets wilbur, and maybe even sbi & some other regulars. (pls give me ideas for more regulars,,, i'm thinking about maybe aimsey for ranboo? :0) he's naturally calmed down and shit so, even if he's a little bit hesitant or even frightened to willingly be eaten, he still goes through with it because he knows that humans are typically not bad people, especially not wil. then he gets nommed by another person, maybe dream or someone else.

all this trust he builds with the humans kinds of overrides his memory of the bad humans, like his boss. he's so used to being relaxed and himself around the customers that he forgets that he still very much needs to tiptoe around one particular human. even beeduo and the other tiny workers in some other locations are a bit worried about his sudden lack of fear, trying to remind him that he needs to take it down a notch before something bad happens.

and guess what? he doesn't take it down a notch, and something bad happens!! >:D

his cocky attitude comes out around strangers, especially kids who mishandle him. or ladies who are overly-curious. and people who hear it both first-hand, second-hand, or from a distance, take a situation without context and makes it a big deal, sending in complaints.

and of course, because his boss is an asshole, he goes chomp :D (not literally, tommy is physically fine for the most part)

tommy gets cocky around his boss (i'm thinking it'll be sam,, so don't mind me if i start using that name instead of boss asjfdnf) and truly lets himself forget just how dangerous these people can be. and when every single boundary of his shatters to the ground, tommy knows he fucked up :D

idk tw vore but there's so much of that here anyway lmfao,,,,

it starts with the fact that sam is everything but gentle. nothing he does is slowed or respectful. he's swept from the counter without warning and engulfed in a tight fist, where he's risen to a face too close for comfort that bares unusually sharp teeth, and is tossed into the moist maw that no longer feels comforting but instead feels incredibly uncomfortable and claustrophobic. then, to add to that, there's only a small moment where he sits on sam's tongue before he's thrown back into his throat and swallowed. the lack of saliva on him makes it difficult to go down and he's stuck in the thin gullet for longer than he wants to be. into the storage that has a significant lack of air in it, where he spends much longer than he needs to in there. and to make matters somehow worse, he's awake the entire time, extremely hyperaware :)

needless to say that his next encounter wilbur is nothing but fear C:<

[snuggest]

TW for description of anxiety attack, insomnia, emetophobia warning, thoughts of dying

Went over 24 hours with no sleep, found myself going through one triggering situation after the next (I got news of another family member dying, which makes it four this year), and by 3 PM yesterday I was having what felt like a non-stop anxiety attack until around 7 PM.

I'm not kidding when I say it's probably the worst I've ever felt physically and mentally in a long, long time. I think it's the worst anxiety attack I ever went through, I've had other bad ones before. But even the most intense panic I've experienced before this wasn't at THIS extreme of a level, and I still got taken in an ambulance to the hospital over it so they treated me there. This time I was basically on my own, my mom is confined to her bed so she can't take care of me, and my dad just... isn't involved. Idk why people say attacks pass after 30 minutes since that definitely wasn't the case this time. Just imagine, 4 hours straight of switching between the bathroom and your bedroom, feeling like you've ruined your life and there's no fixing it, going through every mistake in your head and the possible consequences that will result from it, all while your physical symptoms are going off the charts, your heart is racing out of control, you're on the floor feeling way too weak to pick yourself up, you haven't been able to keep down any food, medicine, or even water, and literally feeling like the only outcome of this is going to be hospitalization or literally just dying on the bathroom floor with your mom not knowing since she's unable to walk. It felt like my heart was going to just beat and beat til giving out, everything was spinning, every time I'd attempt to lay down in bed my nausea would drag me back to the bathroom, intrusive thoughts going full-speed, remembering scenes from my nightmares and having disturbing thoughts rise up to the forefront of my mind, being unable to cry or get any words out excepted pained whines like a kicked dog. Nothing, NOTHING was giving me relief. I was trying so hard but my head couldn't think straight, I tried to pray, but my mind felt like too much of a mess, all I could think of was how I was definitely going to die right then and there, which would at least give me peace, but I don't want to die yet, I really don't.

Throwing up wasn't giving me relief, drinking water would just make me throw up more, laying down just had me feeling uncomfortable, I felt so hot and like my skin and throat and my brain were on fire. I really can't describe properly how terrible it was and how hopeless it left me feeling. I did finally take a nausea medicine (I was still worried I might throw it up, but luckily it stayed down) and also something to sleep. For a while I kept thinking that for sure I would vomit again and that this would turn into like... more than just one night in a row of no sleep, constant vomiting, dizziness, headaches, shakiness, and feeling like I was going to die either at the hospital or at home. But the medicine helped and it stayed down and thankfully, I finally slept.

I'm just going through a tough time and every little thing adds to it. I'm glad I made it through last night which is one reason I'm posting this as a reminder to myself. I survived last night. I really don't want to endure something like this again but at least if I do I know it doesn't last forever. Maybe it doesn't go by as fast as 30 minutes but it does go by.

[bees-b]

Pinned post tiem

I’m Amber or Bee, she/they, nb lesbian

this is my main blog! I rb things I like, find funny, or things I don’t enjoy but probably find important, you can check my about for more info on that

p much everything is tagged, so genuinely feel free to go thru my tags at your leisure, browsing my archive is cool and u can spam reblog I don’t mind I prommy (if u spam reblog my art I’ll blow u a kiss, even)

Here’s my art blog and if u follow it u are my beloved

If you’re new to tumbies, here’s a few posts to getcha started (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

My own personal tumblr tips below

Getting weird asks? Turn of anonymous asks, people won’t send you near as much weird stuff if they can’t hide (anon hate is a thing here, it happens mainly with blogs with a lot of followers, and that stops mainly when anon is off)

On the other side, hey! Don’t send weird asks! Be nice to people, please!

Neil Gaiman has had an account here forever, he answers his inbox, he’s quite nice to people, be nice to him, don’t be weird.

April fools is really fun here, log in on April 1st! It’s different every year

Don’t buy a blog theme, look up one you like, plenty of sites have them. Some tumblr blogs have them! Googling “tumblr theme” gets you where you wanna go

In your blog customization settings, it lets you add pages and links! On mobile, though, you can’t see these, so linking them in your bio as well helps more people see the links

The post limit is 200 or 250 a day, usually I never reach it but the site doesn’t really tell you, just doesn’t let you post after that

Queue is your friend!! You can schedule posts, schedule what time you want your posts to happen (i.e. posting 3 times a day at prime time or 50 posts a day all day, etc) and it lets you batch upload art without spamming or it getting lost in a sea of your own posts, xkit has an extension that lets you auto tag your queued posts, some people have cutesy pun ones, mine is just the letter #q

Readmore is good! The text limit is Not Twitter, you can post fics here if you want without adding screenshots! You can add a setting wheres you can have long posts shortened (other people have to have this enabled for it to shorten your post), but it’s common courtesy to put fics in readmores after, like, a paragraph or so, or a description

Please use tags! And filtering! Under Settings > general > content you see, you can block key words and tags. Tags have to be Exact! Keywords should filter any post with that word or phrase, so when tagging your own content warnings, please don’t use // at the end, it makes it harder for people to filter!

Ex: #tw: blood// #blood/// #blood tw// #bl0od/

Ex: #blood / #tw blood / #blood tw

And if you don’t want to see certain content, varying what you put in filtering helps. Because some people just tag the tw and some people add tw before or after, helps to add variation so nothing slips through!

First 5 tags are what show up in the search, feel free to talk in the tags! But have the first few tags what u actually want people to look up to find your post!

AN IMPORTANT NOTE: unless this changed and I wasn’t aware, I’m pretty sure if you have a link AT ALL in your post, it gets hidden from the tag search. Still shows up on your blog but the audience is not as wide— you can reblog your own post again and add links after the original post, or ask in the post to check the notes for the link. Shadowbanning accounts isn’t a thing here but posts can get shadowbanned kinda

Also adding “mutual aid” or “donations” to a help post shadow bans it, please don’t do that when making or reblogging a help post

You can go through tags! So you can make tags for your art, comics, characters, etc and sort them that way on your own blog, it’s super helpful! No like, idk, twitter collection needed

My talking tags are #amber talks for examples and my art is #my art, I can go through all of these whenever I want!

Give yourself an icon, and post like, something, anything. A lot of people (myself included) scope out new followers to make sure they’re not bots, and if I see an empty blog and no icon, I usually block, on the other side, if YOU see this, probably block

Block porn bots. They follow you to make their accounts seem more legitimate; following real users makes their accounts not look as botty, and might attract other bots to your blog as well, and speaking of them, don’t click their links lol, they’re either viruses, scams, or phishing scams, in general be careful of links, especially if it has an offer or it’s from someone you don’t know asking you to “test out their game”. You can get hacked and then your post will spit out spam for a while and possibly deleted from staff. Even if it’s from someone you know, check to make sure their account wasn’t hacked, especially if it’s an offer or deal or Raycon Sunglasses

Lots of people have main blogs and art blogs, but some people post art on main, or you can have an art blog and always reblog your art to your art blog/main blog; double dipping isn’t discouraged

You can reblog something as many times as you want, there’s no “you’ve tweeted this before” alert, old posts make the rounds again and you can reblog your art for morning or afternoon crowds so more of your followers see it, self reblogs are common!

Adding more tips as I think of them!

[poppy-metal]

you know what…… college scream au where denki is the killer and it’s like… it’s denki no one suspects him lol are u kidding me ?? this boy ?? this man ?? you’re all huddled together the whole group bc of the murders and you’re the one that’s like “i’ll be right back” and he’s like “i’ll come with, don’t you remember what happened in the movie” and you’re like “yeah, he goes off and kills his girlfriend” denki rolls his eyes like “good thing i’m not your boyfriend” bc u rejected him a couple months ago. he’s not going to hurt u, just the people standing in his way of having u all to himself and , like, the people who think they’re better than him, who treat him like an idiot or a sidekick,,,

anyway he goes off w you and he’s like “are you scared?” and you’re like, “no fuck off denki” but u are scared and he thinks it’s hilarious bc he’d never hurt u — but he does like that it keeps u so close.

cw: denki is ghostface, death and stuff, dark content related things. no smut. yet. lots of sexual tension though

wc: 2.5k

you tap your fingers on the cool granite, pink acrylic. tap, tap, tap. you stare down at the tabletop, drink in breaths, inhale and exhale, letting the air into your lungs slow the thump of your heart. your solo cup sits empty, and you trace the lid idly. you'd left the bomb fire and tracked your way up here to refill it and bring more booze, but in the quiet of the house, you let yourself settle. 

you can feel tacky glitter on your face stick to your skin, making you wanna itch. the coconutty sunscreen you'd used earlier to ward off mosquitoes fills the kitchen. the more you linger, the less ready you are to venture back. to them, to the party. to him. 

It was getting hard, the pretending. you knew you all were using tonight to forget, forget about the killings. there was a city mandated curfew but you guys didn't care, you made up this town, you owned it. you did what you wanted. but it was hard. 

the more you danced, euphoric and unafraid, the more sick you felt. paranoia was always creeping in, wondering. who's next, is it me? would i make it? you'd thought ochako would, and she'd ended up in a bodybag, blood- 

your head throbs and a breath shudders out of you. maybe you could just go lie on the couch, you didn't- you couldn't go out there again. 

it was almost too easy, the way you let yourself forget for awhile. denki had made it easy. easier. making eye contact with him on the other side of the bomb fire, you knew he could help. 

your relationship had always been him pushing and you pulling back, scoffing away his flirtations with cold quips and eye rolls. but you'd always felt...something. maybe you just couldn't let yourself go with him, you were afraid of it. of fun, he always said. 

but tonight, you'd pushed first. you couldn't not. he looked...he looked good. loose black t with some logo on it, funky bracelets covering his wrists, ringed fingers glinting under the moon. the flames had licked his face, coloring it in a warm glow. he looked so flushed, hair that messy sexy way that it always was. and he wasn't moving towards you, hadn't been, just meeting your stare head on, something unrecognizable dancing in his eyes along with the flicker of the fire. 

he had one of those candy bead necklaces on, and all you wanted to do was eat it. 

so you moved. feeling the sand beneath your toes, you'd walked around the fire to his side, not breaking eye contact with him as you did. his tongue, red from the wine coolers he'd been drinking all night, dipped to lick his bottom lip as you stopped in front of him. bass pounded around you both, thrumming. everyone else was already dancing. 

he'd tiltied his head at you, lock of blonde hair falling across his forhead as he downed the rest of his cooler and then coverly threw it to the side. a couple weeks ago, you'd have snapped at him for such a thing, but now. now you'd just taken his hand when he offered it, letting him tug you forward. "final girl wants to party?" eyebrow raised, though his voice was gentle. intimate as the way he looked at you. 

he'd taken to calling you that since this all started, and your eyes had drooped as you stared at the candy looped around his neck, chewing your lip. "you're complaining?" 

"you know im not" and you did. you'd known, knew, denki had and has wanted you for a long, long time. he tugs you closer, loops your arms around his neck, damp with sweat and warm from the fire. his eyes are like honey. gooey and melting and warm. you can see the moment they darken. his hands are at your hips and you feel one of his hands skim across a sliver of your hip, fingers inching up your top to skate across what he finds. 

you wince, pulling back a little, but his grip is firm. you still and let him continue, caught for a moment. like a fly in honey as the pads of his fingers, dance across the raised flesh of your fully healed scar. three weeks ago, where the killer, ghostface, had slashed you in your house. the wound still throbbed most days, even though your skin had done its job in patching you up. you hated it, the reminder of that fear, that helplessness. how you were stuck with it forever now. 

but the way denki was touching you, reverent almost, it was intoxicating. made you lean into him a little. he tipped his head as you both swayed, his thumb stroking over the mark, back and forth, back and forth. "does it hurt?" he sounded genuinely curious. his thumb stopped stroking. 

you made yourself swallow "a little". your arms fasten more around his neck, you don't like talking about it. you kinda want him to pull you in more, maybe turn you around so you're pressed together...you don't know where that desire comes from, only that it's there and now its all you can think about. 

"you were" his voice is so low and soft it makes you shiver despite being so close to the bonfire "so scared that night" 

and he does turn you around, the motion making his words flit over you when maybe they should have stuck. your eyes flutter a little when you feel the space between your back and his front disappear, molding himself to your back. you have a wild thought that you fit kinda perfectly together. your ass is plush against his jeans, and if your rock back a little, which you dont, not yet, you think you'd feel him. hard. a thrill goes through you. 

his cheek brushes against yours as he props his head on your shoulder, one hand coming to splay back over your tummy. he presses you back for you, and now you do feel him. you feel all of him. his hair tickles your neck, and his breath is surprisingly cool against your heated skin. 

"I think anyone would be scared" your voice is breathless to your own ears. when did denki have the capability to make you feel this way? "a masked killer breaking into your home is like. the stuff of nightmares, you know." 

"mm" subtly, almost naturally, you rock together. it feels good, really good. the way he noses along your neck makes it better, you think. "I heard" his fingers are back to dancing over your skin, tracing the scar again. "he called you on the phone first. didn't he?" 

your brain is a little foggy from the drinks, your clothes are sticky and your jean shorts are rubbing against your clit in a way that makes you want to hump, turn around and hump the bulge you feel, hump his thigh, anything. your lips, usually tightly sealed, only opening for denki to deliver rejections and jabs, are now loose. everything is going over your head.

you nod. 

denkis thumb presses, pauses over the middle of the scar, the shape of a zigzag. "kinda looks like a lightning bolt" he pets over it. "what'd he say?" 

"hm?" you're biting your lip as you lazily rock your hips back into his. 

you think you feel a flash of his smile, or feel it rather, against your ear. "ghostface. what'd he say on the phone?" 

his voice is so….it feels like its dripping over your like molasses, low and husky. you wanna drown in it, to hear him keep murmuring to you, tucked away from everyone else, just like this. just you two. you blink, "uh" lick over your lips. "he asked me my favorite scary movie-" 

"Scream" you feel his grin definitely now. "Right?"

you nod slowly. he huffs a laugh, "Ironic" 

his thumb starts moving again, and you don't know why, but its comforting. "fuck. i guess it is" 

"What else? hm?" stroke, stroke, stroke, his thumb swipes. "What'd mr. ghostface say next to our final girl" 

"he…." you remember it clear as day, the filtered voice, the innocent questions at first. until. until…. you close your eyes, feel yourself grow hot in a way that's different from the body heat between you two. "he just said...things" 

denkis voice sounds intrigued. his thumb stops again, "Things?" 

another nod from you, jerky, like you're a bobblehead. 

the pad of his thumb presses just barely into your scar, "what kind of things did he say to you, exactly." 

you naw on your bottom lip, sinking back into the memory like its a fog. darting your gaze around your house like a madwomen, as you listened to that voice- "bad things" you think you hear yourself say. 

you're in the memory fully now, though. remembering the fear, as ghostfaces questions got more personal, more prying. you remember, too, the other feeling bubbling underneath the surface at his salacious threats. his words like he knew you and was peeling you apart and seeing you and fucking- 

you remember. you remember. the phone on speaker on your bed as you loosely clutched a knife in one hand, for protection, while your other hand was shoved down your panties. stuffing your cunt full and whimpering while that voice, vicious and taunting on the other end of the line told you- told you all the bad- all the bad things he wanted, know was gonna do.

three fingers knuckles deep, gushing slick around them as he cackled. ruin you, he'd said, he was gonna ruin you. his fucked up little final girl, how he was gonna kill all your friends, and then fuck you in thier blood, how he was gonna sink his cock into your virgin cunt and make you lick the ring of red off his dick after he was done, how he was gonna hurt you, hurt you, hurt you and sneak into your room at night and bury his head between your legs and eat up your scared little pussy until it creamed around his tongue. 

he'd had you squirming and gushing, messing up your sheets in some sick twisted game. and then when you were about to cum- he'd thrown open your balcony door. three fingers deep in your pussy, you couldn't tell anyone you almost died that night because you'd been masturbating to what the killer was threatening. 

"What kind bad things was he saying to make you this wet, ___?" 

denkis voice brings you back, startled. his words take seconds to process and when they do, you feel sick with shame, and, anger you think. you stiffen in his arms, his thumb has dipped just barely into your jean shorts, and his thigh is slotted between your legs. you don't remember him putting it there, or. or grinding on him. but. 

you shake your head. "that's not- don't even suggest that. It's sick" 

"Oh, its sick alright" he chuckles warmly, rocks his knee just barely up against your clothed cunt. "That's why i asked. M'not suggestions anything you're not already giving me. So" he brushes a sticky tendril of hair behind your ear, his lips come down to brush it. "Why are you turned on?" 

you completely don't know what to say. you can't- you're so wet its obvious. you can feel your pussy, it. "She has a little heartbeat she's going so crazy" denki knocks his knee up again. "A killer made your pussy this wet?" 

you jolt out of his arms, stumbling as you rear back around on him. you feel sick, emotions whirling around you like crazy. denki merely drops his arms limply to his sides as he observes you, like a cat. lazy and mildly interested. nothing like the carefree boy you grew up with. 

his lips twitch on one side and you point a finger at him like you're accusing. "you don't know what you're talking about. that's such a fucked up thing to say to me after what I've been through- why would you-" 

"hey" he throws his hands up in a nonchalant manner "im not the one humping someone's thigh over having phone sex with a sociopath" 

your eyes burn. "fuck you" 

something in his own eyes sparks, and then darkens again. you feel something like fear trickle through you, along with a zap of electricity you don't wanna think about. "You've been fucking me for the past 10 years, ___. You saying you want more now?" 

your eyebrows pinch together, knowing he means the way you've been dancing out of his reach since you've known eachother. "that's not fair, denki" you shake your head. 

he sighs like he's bored and looks up at the starry sky. his hands in his pockets as his jaw ticks. when he looks back at you, all the warmth is gone. his eyes almost look black. his voice, when he speaks, is devoid of emotion. "what's not fair is being in love with a girl for a decade and only having her really see me when she's afraid her throat is gonna be slit. thinking when the time comes you'll hide behind me, is that it? cause you know I'll protect you." 

he tilts his head and his smile is so very cold and mean "though knowing what i know now, you're more likely to fuck ghostface over my dead body, huh? that's pretty fucked up" 

you're stumbling back so hard you almost trip and fall in the sand. one of your friends, drunk and out of it calls out to you and you smile shakily, say you're just going inside to get a refill. you want more drinks. you'll be back. 

you look back at denki before you go, he approaches you calmly and gently takes the candy necklace from around his neck. you stand stock still as he places it over your head, his fingers caress your neck briefly as he does. "to keep you safe. the killer always gets the girl when she wanders off." he tells you mockingly. "you looked like you wanted to eat it off me earlier, anyway" 

you sneer at him, feeling something vicious stir in your gut. "you're right about one thing, denki" you place your palm on his chest and push him back a step. "I'll never want you" 

"because your heart belongs to someone else?" he calls after you, and you know who he's referring too. you think you hear him laugh when you flip him off as you stomp away. 

and now here you are. sighing into your hands as you think about what the fuck you're doing. 

denki looks in the mirror. there's blood on his lip. he really didn't wanna kill tonight, but hitoshi had asked too many questions when denki had tried to slink off earlier. 

it really was alot of work, but. fuck. it was worth it, just for tonight. having you seek him out as denki, having you get lost in the memory of all his dark promises as you ground against his thigh like some slut, it was euphoric. 

but, in the end, he really was still mad at you. he'd had to resort to this to get you to look at him, after all. but he wouldn't kill you. couldn't. 

tonight though, he thinks as he slips the mask back over his head, tonight he just might fuck you.