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bcbdrums · 4 months

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Until My Last Breath

A Soul Eater fanfic. Read on: AO3 | FFn

A/N: I was sick. Very sick. For weeks. This story started out as me projecting. Also inspired directly by my friend @midnightcaptions's silly doodle. This could be out of character, idk. But anyway, what started as a distraction fic turned into long headcanon fic... This story is something of a parallel to A Touch of Warmth and also a follow-up to This One's For You. It occurs not too long after the latter, timeline-wise, in my headcanon. Also there's a teeny tiny reference to my very first Soul Eater fic in this, heheh. Spirit is 16, and Stein is 13. Combination of all the emotions in this one. Uh...sorry, perhaps? And enjoy.

Until My Last Breath

Stein closed the book and set it on his nightstand. It was nearly three o'clock in the morning; almost the time he could justify simply staying awake all night, though his weapon would disagree no matter what time he routinely chose to forfeit the human requirement for rest.

His vision was blurry, he realized, as he looked around the room, and his eyelids felt like sandpaper that took effort to move when he blinked. At the same time his corneas stung with the pain of exhaustion, but he already knew from experience that sleep would not be forthcoming.

Usually it was his own mind keeping him from the equally tormenting darkness that was somehow bliss to his weapon, and this night would have surely been the same if not for another, more distracting variable: Spirit was not in their apartment.

Stein knew it was likely another date gone very well for his weapon, but this didn't cause him any less distress at his absence. He tried not to think too hard about why Spirit's escapades bothered him, either. It had gone on for enough time now that he realized he feared knowing the answers, and he struggled enough without dragging it out of his subconscious.

He shut down his wonderings and worries and focused instead on other frustrations with his weapon. They had an extracurricular assignment in the morning, and now Spirit would be sluggish and potentially complaining through the entire thing. He would likely also want to regale Stein with the tale of his conquest, the thought of which only increased the meister's ire.

He rose from his seated position on his bed and began to pace. No matter what, his thoughts always seemed to return to the 'why.' But he couldn't let himself go there. He couldn't let himself complete those thoughts.

It was a great relief in so many ways when finally, he sensed his weapon's soul from a great distance moving through the streets and toward their building. And yet his anxiety shifted from a prickling heat in his chest to a queasy roiling in his gut.

What strange artificial-smelling perfume would Spirit have carried home with him this time?

Stein grimaced and sat heavily upon his bed, grabbing up his book again. He deliberately avoided watching Spirit's wavelength approach, reading the same paragraph over and over as he went through the routine, mentally starting and stopping possible questions for his weapon, slurs against his choices in company and behavior, and basically every thought he tried desperately to avoid each time this happened.

It wasn't too long after that the familiar pattern began. Stein listened to the sound of a long-memorized step on the carpeted hall, the scrape of a key missing twice and then finding the lock, the knob finally turning with practiced ease, and then the apartment door unceremoniously being pushed open.

Stein sighed. Spirit was mumbling something to himself as he stepped slowly down the hall toward his bedroom. The weapon's door creaked slightly upon opening, and the sound repeated as it was closed.

Stein dropped the book on his bed and closed his eyes tightly before digging this thumbs under his brows. He pressed back against the pain of the headache he'd not realized had formed and then lurched forward off his bed before he could change his mind. He closed his bedroom door which he'd left ajar, and then turned off the overhead light. The bedside lamp he left on only long enough to set his book safely aside again before diving under his blankets, and then plunged himself into darkness.

He took another glance at Spirit's wavelength now his weapon was safely home, and he found it to be slightly off somehow. But he blinked his soul's sight away without taking a closer look, not wanting to see deeper into the expected reason for Spirit not being quite himself after no doubt returning from a night of cavorting with some young lady from school.

Stein realized he was gritting his teeth and pushed the thought away. He dug a thumb into his brow again as he tried to think of something else.

The assignment the following morning. They'd be traveling a long way before reaching the target. Which meant Spirit would have plenty of opportunity to tell Stein about his company the night before.

Stein pulled his blankets up higher. Maybe he could take the lead in conversation before Spirit had the chance, distract him with talk of his research into demon weapons. Except that could lead too dangerously close to a topic he hoped to avoid forever...

Stein stared at the blank wall in the dark, fingers digging in and out of the fabric of his woven cotton blanket. He let his mind fall blank except for the feeling of each fiber against his skin, the rising warmth of his measured breaths dampening the pillowcase.

His head ached above his eyes but he knew that relief, like sleep, would not be forthcoming. It wouldn't be until his weapon was back in his hands, until together they spilled the blood of another evil soul, that his own would begin to be soothed.

He thought of the feeling of Spirit's sturdy snath in his hands, the weight and ease with which the blade swung through the air both leading and following as their souls united in purpose. He thought of the anticipation, the slight resistance as sharp steel met helpless flesh, and then how effortlessly it would cleave through, ending an evil life and spraying that life's heat over his face and staining his clothes, coating Spirit's shining black blade with crimson and making his weapon look even more beautiful...

Stein smiled, picturing the coming scene behind eyelids he'd not realized he'd closed. His soul instinctively began reaching out across the small apartment, and then as he slipped into active awareness and sought his partner, the erratic wavelength he found caused his lips to part in a gasp and his eyes to open wide.

He took a mere two anxious breaths before he was on his feet and hurrying down the hall toward Spirit's bedroom, stopping short when he realized his weapon was no longer in his room, but had moved into their small, shared bathroom. He hesitated outside the door and focused on the wobbly wavelength once again, sensing pain and disorientation. Spirit wasn't even aware that Stein had been reaching for him. He didn't hardly seem aware of anything.

Stein felt a nervous turning in his stomach as his mind ran over various possibilities from the predictable to the nonsensical, but concern was winning out over his own anxieties and propriety. He cautiously pushed the bathroom door open and blinked to adjust his eyes to the bright light.

His weapon was not seated on the toilet, but kneeling in front of it, his complexion pale and clammy. However Stein's relief regarding the former was momentary as he realized Spirit's pants were nowhere to be seen.

The older teen made no indication he'd noticed Stein's presence, and as the meister's heart raced and his cheeks flushed in embarrassment he pursed his lips together and broadened his view of the scene, trying to discover more clues. He was grateful that at the angle Spirit's knees were folded and the way he was leaned forward, one arm around the toilet seat and his white t-shirt hanging loose, it provided his weapon some modesty. His pants were not in the bathroom, so Stein assumed that Spirit must have been in the process of dressing for bed when illness overcame him. Then he noticed something that was in the bathroom that most certainly should not have been.

He stepped forward.

"Spirit."

"Stein..?" his weapon gasped pitifully. "Is that you?"

Stein bit down the retort of 'who else would it be?' as he reached down to pick up the slender, glass object from the floor. A new sensation was rising in his chest, caused the color to drain from his cheeks as embarrassment shifted into panic. His heart pounded as he studied the faintest hint of amber at the bottom of the large bottle and his mind began racing across new possibilities, not one of which had crossed his mind in his initial hypothesizing.

"Spirit... Did you drink this whole bottle?"

"Yes..." Spirit moaned.

Stein felt a lump rising in his throat as his heart raced. What kind of liquor had it been? Over how long a period had Spirit been drinking? Had he had more than just the one bottle? Had he even...

"Did you have dinner tonight?"

"What..?"

Spirit turned his head to lean his other cheek on the toilet seat as he peered up at Stein in confusion, clearly miserable.

"Have you eaten anything?"

Spirit continued blinking at Stein, a bewildered look on his face at the rise in timbre of the meister's voice. Stein's growing panic had him mentally listing symptoms, and disorientation was one of them.

"There were some snacks at the party," Spirit finally replied.

"How much did you eat?"

Spirit looked annoyed. "Not much, just a few pretzels. Why are you—"

Stein knelt down, barely registering the clatter and spin of the discarded bottle across the tiles as he set his hand across Spirit's forehead, his other hand tightly gripping his shoulder to hold him in place. His skin was chilled and damp, and now up close Stein could see a fog over Spirit's eyes that only made the meister's breaths come faster.

"How much have you thrown up?"

"Nothing... What are you doing?"

"You need to throw up. Now."

"What?"

"Now!"

"Hey—!"

Spirit's complaint was cut off as Stein seized the back of his neck with one hand and with the other started shoving a finger down the weapon's throat. Spirit grappled with Stein, garbling protests as Stein angled behind Spirit and practically forced his face over the toilet with a tight grip in his hair as he ignored the pain of teeth and the scrape of fingernails on his wrist as he continued practically pushing his entire hand into his weapon's mouth.

It was a worse sign, Stein thought briefly, that there wasn't much strength behind Spirit's fight before he finally lost it and his body seized with the gag reflex. Stein's hand did not come out unscathed, but with the one not coated in saliva he released his iron grip on Spirit's hair and gently pulled it back from his face instead as the weapon emptied the amber-colored contents of his stomach into the toilet basin.

It wasn't until Spirit was dry-heaving that Stein finally moved away. He'd pressed himself up against Spirit's back to trap him against the toilet as he vomited, one knee between both of the weapon's, and as he carefully stood up to wash his hand Spirit fell back to his heels and then scooted away to lean against the opposite wall, knees up and legs apart. Stein noted gratefully that Spirit was still wearing a pair of briefs.

"Why..." Spirit croaked, peering at Stein through tears now. He looked afraid. "Why did you do that to me?"

As Stein lathered and rinsed his hand under icy water, he realized his panic over the situation had run ahead of rationality. Not that he was ever completely rational, he thought bitterly, where his weapon was concerned.

"You probably have alcohol poisoning," Stein finally said as he turned off the faucet. He had tried to keep his voice level, but he could hear the shake as his heart continued to pound at the sight of the unnatural pallor to Spirit's skin and the bleary look in his eyes.

He knelt down and Spirit shied away, but Stein only hesitated a moment before slowly placing his hand back on Spirit's forehead. Spirit tensed at the approach, held himself that way until he realized he wasn't about to be manhandled again, and then slumped in defeat. His skin was still cold.

"You need to go to the hospital," Stein said.

Spirit stiffened again, looked up with more coherency than Stein thought him capable. "What? No!"

"Spirit, if you have alcohol poisoning you could die."

"I'll get expelled if anyone finds out I did this!"

Stein dropped his hand to Spirit's shoulder and gripped his t-shirt. "Did you hear what I said, Spirit? You could die."

Spirit finally seemed to hear him, focused on Stein's face with effort and assessed his words for veracity.

"Are you sure?" he finally asked after a nervous swallow.

"Yes."

Spirit had the decency to look scared, and Stein sighed heavily.

"So let's go." Stein stood and offered Spirit his hand.

Spirit shook his head. "No, I can't."

"Spirit."

"I'll get expelled if anyone finds out I was drinking!" Spirit hissed.

"Then why would you do something so foolish?" Stein asked, his voice rising in volume in his exasperation.

"Keep it down!" Spirit said, raising a hand in a quieting gesture before putting it over his eyes and curling in on himself. His face was lined in pain, and Stein wondered if he would be sick again even with nothing left in him.

After a long moment Spirit peered at him through his fingers. "Can't you do something here? You're always reading those medical textbooks."

Stein glared down at the weapon. He knew what was needed, other than possibly still having Spirit's stomach pumped. An IV of fluids, vitamins, and sugars to try to keep some health in his blood stream as the alcohol was processed, and possibly oxygen as well. But he didn't have anything like that in their apartment or any way to get it. And if Spirit had truly drunk an entire bottle of whiskey or bourbon or whatever it was, with no food...

"No. We have to go," Stein said as his chest constricted in fear, his heart still racing.

Spirit shook his head firmly to the negative.

Stein withdrew his hand, balled it into a fist at his side along with his other.

"Idiot," he said before stalking out of the room.

"Stein? Wait!"

Stein ignored the plaintive cry, heading for their small kitchen. Spirit needed water, and lots of it. That was all he could do if the weapon refused the care he needed. And much to Stein's annoyance, he realized he would have to sit with him all night to make certain Spirit stayed awake. If anything changed... If his breathing were to slow, his pallor worsen... Stein may have to force him to the hospital against his will.

But... Spirit was right, too. He'd be expelled. This sort of violation of the academy's rules wouldn't be tolerated, even for a prospective personal weapon of Lord Death himself. And if Spirit was expelled... Then what would happen to him?

Stein leaned far over the kitchen counter, set his forehead on the tile and crossed his arms above his head as he sighed and tried to calm his racing heart. He needed to stay focused and keep on top of Spirit's symptoms. Panicking about what-if's wouldn't keep Spirit alive.

Stein straightened up and moved to the cupboard, almost knocking over a glass in his haste and as he fumbled in the dark. He took out a large pitcher they used for iced tea during the summer and set it in the sink and turned on the faucet. He took a long breath as the tap ran and paused to think. Spirit would need some form of vitamin-rich food, too. He glanced around the darkened kitchen briefly, annoyed that his brain wasn't readily providing the needed information; panic was apparently still dominant.

With his mind rapidly pushing out every thought except for the desire to get back to his weapon, Stein grabbed the entire bowl of bananas off the counter and turned for the hallway. He hoped that persuading Spirit to eat and drink would be easier than the failed attempt to get him the care he desperately needed as he took brisk strides toward the bathroom.

He couldn't have been gone even five minutes, but when Stein returned to the small, illuminated room Spirit wasn't there; only the empty liquor bottle and the evidence inside the toilet basin remained. Stein frowned, flushed the toilet, and then turned down the hallway toward Spirit's room.

The door was ajar and the light out, and Stein only hesitated a moment before pushing his way inside.

Spirit was lying on his back on his bed, arms cast up above his head and hands tightly gripping the headboard. He either didn't notice Stein's entry or didn't care, not opening his eyes when Stein set the large pitcher of water and bananas on Spirit's nightstand. But from the weapon's slow, labored breathing, Stein knew he was still awake.

When he pulled open one of Spirit's dresser drawers, this got the older teen to lift his head.

"Hey," the weapon protested. He didn't get to continue as Stein tossed a pair of pajama pants at him and they hit Spirit's chin.

"Please put some pants on, and sit up."

"I don't feel well... What are you doing in here?"

"If you wanted sleep you shouldn't have been so irresponsible," Stein said flatly as he stood by and waited.

Spirit blinked at him in confusion for a long moment before slowly righting himself and then working his feet clumsily into the pant legs. Stein glanced around the rather messy room, considered tossing Spirit's book bag off of his desk chair, but then sighed and moved to sit on the bed instead.

"Hey," Spirit complained again and looked down as he rubbed his wrist with the heel of his hand.

"You have to stay awake."

"What?"

"Until your body has fully processed the alcohol. Now drink all of that. You need fluids. And then I'll get you another one."

Spirit stared at him in bewilderment for another moment, but then he finished tugging his pants up around his waist and leaned forward obediently to take the pitcher.

He paused after lifting it only a few inches and then set it down, and as he retracted his hands Stein noticed they were shaking. Spirit sat back for a moment and braced himself on the bed, staring at the pitcher.

Stein pursed his lips and pushed down the frustrations his mind started to raise anew, the questions and the anger and especially the fear. He forced it all to the wayside as he shifted on the bed until he was right next to Spirit. He focused on picking up pitcher carefully in the dark of the bedroom, holding it steady as he raised it up towards his weapon's lips.

Spirit turned his head, made eye contact. Stein bit the inside of his cheek and forced his expression to remain level as he saw the fog still present over Spirit's eyes, confusion seeming to fade in and out as he gazed down at Stein with a mixture of confusion, embarrassment, and gratitude.

Without a word, Spirit lifted his hands to the pitcher, helping to tilt it as he drank.

"More," Stein commanded when Spirit tried to back away.

It wasn't until there was a notable decrease in the water's level that Stein allowed Spirit to back away. He noticed the red-head's hands shaking again as he scooted away to lean his back against the wall, and Stein carefully set the pitcher down and plucked a banana from the bunch. He cracked the stem back and checked that it would peel, and then extended his arm to offer the fruit.

"Here. Eat this, and have some more water, and then you can take a break."

Spirit glared at him. "You're gonna have me up pissing all night."

"You have to stay awake anyway."

Spirit took the banana, and Stein glanced around the room. There was a small wastebasket next to Spirit's desk, and he rose to get it as Spirit tentatively bit into the fruit. When he returned he started straightening the bed covers, tugging them from under Spirit and then folding them back before reaching past Spirit to fluff his pillows.

The weapon followed his movements the entire time, silently eating the fruit until Stein sat down again and simply stared back at him, waiting. Spirit's eyes were still glassy, but he looked thoughtful, and curious. Far more coherent than Stein would have expected given the terrifying amount of alcohol that must be in his blood. If this was what Spirit was like drunk, he supposed he should count that as a small blessing.

He lifted the wastebasket as Spirit finished the banana and watched the weapon's hand shake as he dropped the peel inside, and then after setting the basket down he picked up the pitcher again.

Spirit didn't protest, but drank obediently until it was clear he couldn't take any more. His eyes closed tightly as he dropped his head back against the wall with a thud, licking his lips and groaning loudly and rubbing his wrist again. Stein returned the pitcher to the nightstand and after a moment, scooted nearer his weapon.

"What's wrong with your wrist?"

Spirit blinked a few times, staring at nothing. "Hit it on the door frame when I came in."

Stein glanced at Spirit's wrist but saw no outward sign of injury. Spirit peered at him tiredly, gave no reaction when Stein set his hand across Spirit's forehead. He was still cool. His eyes still didn't look right. And when Stein concentrated on looking with his soul's sight, his partner's wavelength was still wrong somehow.

He sat back on his heels and dug his thumbs into his brow bone.

"Stein?"

The meister looked up. Spirit's face was still deathly pale, and he was grimacing but trying not to show it. Stein wondered if it was from pain, nausea, or something else.

“Am I... Do you really...think that I... I mean...”

"Yes," Stein replied emphatically as he dropped his hands to his lap, balling them into fists again.

Spirit’s face fell. Stein watched as thoughts raced behind his weapon’s eyes, as his jaw tensed while he fought against tears. And in watching Spirit’s battle against emotions, Stein let go the the loose rein he had on his own.

"Why would you do something so stupid? Don’t you know anything about alcohol!? It’s deadly!"

“I... I didn’t think...”

“You were thinking, just not with your head,” Stein cut him off again, his words spilling out in a rush. “Was she worth this?”

Spirit looked confused, as if Stein had spoken in another language. But slowly, understanding came to his eyes and then his sad, frightened expression turned petulant.

“There weren’t any girls at the party. It was just some of the guys. Your new friend Griffin, too.”

Stein ignored the latter piece of information for his surprise at the former.

“You weren’t...doing this to impress some girl?”

Spirit opened his mouth to reply, but then winced and curled in on himself again, drawing his knees up and closing his eyes tightly.

Stein waited, heart racing anew as he mentally prepared a defense against what he knew would be Spirit’s annoyed retort. He had brought himself back to that winding thread of his thoughts that he never wanted to unravel nor allow Spirit to be aware of, and he needed to tie that back up before either Spirit or he forced a confrontation.

But as the seconds passed, no response came from his weapon. Stein’s thoughts were finally arrested as Spirit gave a tiny whimper, and when the weapon opened his eyes it was to blink away tears. The heavy pounding of Stein’s heart grew painful as Spirit began to slip down the wall to the bed.

“Spirit!” He put himself in the way, caught his weapon before he hit the mattress and held him up as he fought against whatever pain had seized him.

“I don’t feel... I...feel cold.”

Stein felt his breaths quicken at the feel of Spirit’s ragged ones against his cheek, at how unnaturally slow they came, irregular and shallow.

“Spirit...” Stein slowly moved his arms up around his weapon’s shoulders, both in support and embrace. He tried again to measure his own breaths, to calm the racing of his heart even as he felt the heat of tears pooling in his own eyes. “Please... Please go to the hospital.”

Spirit shook his head where it rested against Stein’s, and Stein sighed in defeat.

He did understand, from Spirit’s point of view. He had done plenty of things himself that would warrant expulsion were they ever discovered, but he (and at times, Spirit) had taken precautions against that. But this... If Spirit were to receive the medical attention he so desperately needed, this violation couldn’t be buried with the bodies in the basement.

"Stein..."

It was clearly an effort for Spirit to speak, for how broken his name fell from quivering lips.

"Why are you so jealous of my going out with girls?"

Stein's breath stopped. And he realized several seconds had passed when he felt his heart straining for the lack of oxygen. He let his lips part, measured his inhale with effort so Spirit wouldn't know.

"I've...told you before, it's never anything serious..."

Stein shifted slightly to see Spirit's face. His eyes were closed tightly, forehead creased with pain. He looked as if the simple act of being conscious was painful.

Stein let his arms slide further around Spirit's back, let his fingers grip his weapon's shoulders through the thin t-shirt he wore. Spirit had no reaction to the increased contact that Stein could detect as he seemed to fight for breath. His skin was still chilled where his cheek now rested against Stein's, and the meister blinked repeatedly as his eyes burned with the threat of tears.

'That's the point...'

He licked his lips. Felt his throat constrict with his next strained inhale. "Spirit..."

"I'm so tired..."

Any relief Stein may have felt at the subject change evaporated immediately. Spirit's words were slower, and slurred. Stein realized with a further stab of panic that Spirit's speech had been slowing since he found him.

"You have to stay awake. Can I give you more water?"

"Wanna sleep..."

"You can't. I'm going to give you more water."

Stein reluctantly let go of Spirit and shifted to pick up the heavy pitcher from the table. Spirit appeared frighteningly disoriented when Stein lifted it to his lips, taking a few seconds before seeming to comprehend what was expected of him and raising shaking hands to the vessel to assist.

He'd drunk a fair amount when he stopped abruptly, pushing away from Stein and stumbling to his feet.

"What is it?"

"Gotta use the bathroom," Spirit slurred.

Stein set the pitcher down and stood up.

"Can do that by myself," Spirit said, tossing an annoyed glance over his shoulder as he half-jogged, half-tripped out the door.

Stein was glad he'd left the bathroom light on as he listened to the door down the hall close. He turned and fussed with the bedding a bit more, arranging the excessive amount of pillows Spirit insisted on having so he could sit up more easily, and then he crossed the room to turn on the desk lamp. The dim lighting would help too, if not to keep Spirit awake then to allow Stein to keep a better eye on him.

His heart was still pounding, and after a moment he took a sip of the water himself. He knew Spirit was right. The academy wouldn't tolerate something of this gravity. But it wasn't worth Spirit's life...

But if Spirit was expelled, sent away... Then what of Stein's life?

He lost track of the seconds again as he listened to the blood hammering in his ears until the sound of the bathroom door opening and the distant flush of the toilet roused him. Spirit shuffled through the door a moment later, eyes appearing closed as he moved unsteadily toward the bed.

His assessment of his weapon's condition stopped as without warning, Spirit tripped over his own feet. He gave a yelp, and the following occurrence happened too fast for Stein to move to intervene. Spirit fell in the direction he'd been stumbling, toward his desk, and with the deep inebriation wasn't able to right himself nor move his arms to break his fall. His chest hit the wooden arm of his desk chair, his head striking its back, and then as he tried to move one arm to slow his fall the other caught against something on the way down and Spirit gave a second cry, this one of pain.

"Spirit!"

Stein was kneeling at his side instantly as Spirit curled up in pain, gritting his teeth as tears began to wet his eyelashes. Stein quickly began surveying him for injuries, starting with his head and then pressing his fingers against the spot where Spirit's chest had hit the chair arm. He determined with relief that the strike to his head in particular would leave a nasty welt, but nothing more. He was surprised also that Spirit could feel pain as deeply as he was appearing to from his expression with so much alcohol clearly dulling his other senses.

"Gonna throw up..."

Stein's brow rose, and he whirled around to grab the wastebasket and then pushed it under Spirit's chin as he helped pull his weapon up to a half-seated, half-leaning position. He began to pull Spirit's hair out of the way, but stopped abruptly when he noticed Spirit's arm.

"How...did you do that?"

Blood was running in a slow, dark line down Spirit's forearm. And when Stein reached out for the limb to examine the wound, Spirit hissed in pain and drew the arm protectively against his chest.

Stein looked up at the chair, at the book bag still upon it, but couldn't see at a glance what Spirit's arm could have been cut on. Eyes narrowing in confusion, he shifted nearer to Spirit and tried again to examine the injured arm. Spirit still held it tightly to him, but Stein could see that the cut was deep, however it had happened. It needed cleaning if nothing else.

"I'll be right back," he said, and hurried to his room to get the materials.

Stein was tired, he realized, as he gathered more than was necessary to aid Spirit with the cut, and he wondered how much of what he was feeling was just from the late hour and how much was stress-induced. His heart was still pounding too hard and too fast, but he didn't think that would stop until he knew Spirit would be all right. And with that thought being the most present, he took brisk strides back to Spirit's room, medical supplies in hand.

Spirit was standing when he returned and leaning heavily against the nightstand, his eyes closed.

"Did you throw up?"

Spirit startled slightly at the question, and then shook his head to the negative.

"Have a seat."

When he sat down, Stein set the medical supplies on the nightstand and turned to meet Spirit with the pitcher.

"Drink first," he said gently.

Spirit looked up, a bit more awareness in his eyes this time. Perhaps from the activity, Stein thought, or perhaps from the pain. He wondered for a split second what it would be like to wield a drunken weapon, but banished the thought just as quickly.

Spirit drank from the pitcher obediently, albeit less this time, and then Stein sat down and without warning pulled Spirit's arm across his lap. Spirit hissed in reaction and appeared about to protest, but then when Stein dipped a cloth in the water and began wiping the blood from his arm, Spirit merely pursed his lips and watched.

The gash was deeper than Stein had thought at first glance and about half an inch long, and he wondered again how exactly it had happened. But that question was very low on his list of priorities. He used an alcohol wipe next to sanitize the area, and Spirit let out a tiny whimper at the sting it caused and dropped his head to Stein's shoulder. Stein pursed his lips, wanted to quip that there was no need for sterilization for how much alcohol was in Spirit's blood, but he refrained; he needed Spirit in a state where he would listen to him, and further jabs against how he chose to spend his free time wouldn't help.

Once Stein could see the cut properly, he realized it would heal best if stitched rather than simply bandaged. Spirit wouldn't like it, but...his judgment wasn't exactly sound at the moment. If it ever was, Stein thought with annoyance, considering his weapon's behaviors as of late.

"Hey!" Spirit protested when the needle entered his skin, his arm tensing as he lifted his head to look at Stein.

"This will heal best with stitches," Stein said plainly, and then as an afterthought, "If you relax you'll hardly feel it."

"Nice of you to develop a bedside manner," Spirit said, and dropped his head to Stein's shoulder again.

As Stein meticulously put in the stitches, slower than he usually would, he felt Spirit's body relax next to him. Almost too much, as he started to lean some of his weight against Stein's smaller frame, and Stein had to focus on his posture as he finished tending the small wound.

"That will leave a scar," he said idly as he bandaged the cut.

"It's hardly my first," Spirit said, straightening up.

Stein finally turned to see his face, and was dismayed to find his eyes just as fogged despite the coherency in his speech. He wondered again if this was just what Spirit was like while drunk. It would be foolish to be complacent about the danger of the alcohol, but perhaps his weapon truly did hold it well.

"Drink more," Stein said, lifting the water toward Spirit's lips.

The weapon aided in the tilting of the pitcher, and then when he'd had his fill Stein set it down. He watched as Spirit took a brief look at the bed before moving back and settling against the obvious nest Stein had built for him, apparently remembering the directive not to sleep.

When Spirit finally stopped shifting, having arrived at a place of comfort, he looked up at Stein expectantly.

Stein moved as if drawn by a magnet, crawling across the bed and after a brief survey of his options took the only one that made sense. He moved to sit beside Spirit, adjusting pillows and shifting until he too was comfortable, tucked against his weapon's side but more upright. He kept in mind the need to reach the water easily, and also the wastebasket should Spirit suddenly be sick. But these thoughts of practicality vanished from his mind as Spirit nestled against him, dropping his head to his shoulder.

"Stay awake," Stein said, the volume of his voice surprising him. He hoped Spirit hadn't noticed the tremor.

"I remember..." Spirit sighed, shifting his head to be more comfortable. "Don't feel well..."

Stein stopped trying to make sense of the cacophony of his thoughts as he tried to measure his breaths and slow his heart rate. Keeping Spirit alive... That was what was important right now. Everything else had to wait.

But this decision has also, apparently, loosed his tongue.

"Why did you do it?"

"Wha..?"

"Why did you drink that whole bottle?"

Spirit lifted his head, and Stein met his eyes. Something of the worry he was accustomed to seeing from his weapon was present again in the glassy teal depths, and the familiarity of that sight began to ease the grip of fear around Stein's heart.

Spirit rested his head on Stein's shoulder again. "The other guys were talking about how much they could handle, and how much they would drink..."

Stein rapidly pieced together the implications. "How are students getting liquor regularly?"

Spirit shook his head against Stein's shoulder. "I don't know. But they gave me the bottle, said I can't hold much. So I...showed them," Spirit finished tiredly.

Stein grit his teeth, kept his voice level with effort. "Do you know how stupid this all sounds?"

"Well..."

Stein bit his lip hard, held back another anger and fear-motivated reprimand. Spirit had to understand.

"Yeah, I... I guess so." Spirit sniffled. "This is gonna be one heck of a hangover..."

Stein mentally agreed, and then his brow rose as something else Spirit had said rang like a gong in his head.

"Spirit... Have you had alcohol before tonight?"

He felt Spirit's body go rigid next to him. Any calm Stein had achieved fled as his heart raced anew along with more questions across his mind. How long had this been going on? How much did Spirit usually drink? And when? Where?

"You're not my keeper, Stein..."

Stein let out his breath slowly through his nose and realized he was digging his fingers into his thighs. He released his grip, felt the sting in his flesh, and picked at the cuff of his pajama shirt instead. The ache in his heart however, from fear and from Spirit's words, was worse than anything he could do to himself.

'But I'm your meister...'

"I don't feel well," Spirit slurred, abruptly changing topic again.

"I know," Stein replied, internally cursing the shake in his voice.

"Stein..." He paused, and Stein shied away from the loud sniffle next to his ear. "Am... Am I dying?"

Stein's chest seized again, but he took a long, slow breath to try to keep his heart from racing too fast. Too long, he realized, as he felt his weapon tensing in fear against him.

"I won't let you."

Stein was slightly startled when he felt the edge of Spirit's wavelength curling against his own, jagged and off balance. He hesitated, taking a moment to be sure his feelings wouldn't bleed into their resonance without his permission, and then reached out to meet his partner's soul.

Spirit's soul felt weak, disoriented, and wholly unable to grasp and hold onto Stein's wavelength. Stein wrapped his completely around Spirit's, lending him his strength and control. He hoped again that what he was thinking, what he'd been feeling, wouldn't be apparent. His weapon's agony, however, Stein felt in full.

He couldn't ever remember having such a feeble grasp on his own mind, even at his worst moments, as Spirit had now in his dangerously intoxicated state. And he was amazed given what he was sensing across his partner's wavelength that Spirit knew him and was able to function at all. There was the physical pain too, the horrid nausea, the sting of the bump on the head and the cut on the arm, and near-total disorientation that Stein countered by digging his fingers back into his thighs, letting that pain be an anchor as he fought for his own stability in the resonance.

So used to their partnership was Stein that he didn't conform to the wobbly, out of tune wavelength that Spirit was presenting as he might if resonating with a stranger. Instead he held himself steady, offering that peace and waiting for his weapon to find something of himself in the clarity Stein hoped to provide.

To find his way back to Stein.

After a long moment, Spirit sighed. His body became a dead weight against Stein's side, and Stein swallowed nervously as he worked to keep his fear, among other things, hidden from his partner.

"You have to stay awake. Remember?"

Stein watched dark eyelashes flutter open, crystalline teal eyes slowly rise to meet his.

"I remember," Spirit said quietly. And then he frowned.

Stein pursed his lips together to conceal his surprise when he felt cool fingers slip beneath one of his, lift his hand away from the self-induced wounds, and then slide under his other hand too.

"I've told you not to do that."

Stein had no response as both of his hands were gently held between Spirit's, drawn into the weapon's lap to rest there as he gently stroked the back of Stein's hand with his thumb. Stein realized then that Spirit's hands had stopped shaking.

Wrapped up softly in his soul, he felt the pain across Spirit's wavelength begin to ease. Even if it proved to be superficial in the end—a temporary relief—Stein was still glad to give it. Though when he considered how many times Spirit's soul alone had seemed to drag him back from some horrible edge, he couldn't find it within him to act like this resonance was anything less than where their souls were meant to be.

"Spirit..." His voice shook. He couldn't stop it. He felt the shift of hair against his cheek as Spirit turned to look at him again. "Please... Please don't do anything like this again."

"I won't," Spirit said. "I promise."

The sniffle that followed came from the meister. Because even without the truth laid bare from Spirit's soul, Stein could hear the lie in his weapon's voice.

One of his hands gripped Spirit's tightly.

"Nothing is worth this..." he protested feebly. "Not...reputation. And not your life."

He had avoided mentioning girls, but he was certain Spirit could feel the implication in the way their resonant frequency rose and faltered briefly before slipping back into something closer to the comfort Stein was used to.

"Yeah... You're right, Stein," Spirit said with a sigh.

Stein tried to let the tension in his body ease. Tried to focus on the way he could feel Spirit's wavelength gradually returning to stability, the way his voice already sounded a little stronger. Whether it was their resonance restoring his weapon's body or if in fact his system was processing the alcohol that rapidly, Stein couldn't know. But regardless, it didn't ease the renewed anxiety the meister felt upon hearing the lack of weight behind Spirit's agreement.

Too often lately he could hear the feigned sincerity in well-phrased words designed to persuade people to Spirit's way of thinking, designed to win the attention of girls and the leniency of professors and the acquiescence of his meister.

Something about his weapon was changing, and it scared Stein. And this more than anything else. Because if the grinning assurances to teachers at school and the whispered affections to girls taken on dates were so superficial...then what other of Spirit's promises weren't true?

He held Spirit's hand tighter, lifted his other up to brush Spirit's hair back from his eyes, and then let his fingers run through the soft, red strands.

Spirit lifted his head to look at him. Stein realized Spirit's skin wasn't quite as chilled, but whether that was due to recovery or sharing Stein's warmth he couldn't know. Spirit's face was so close it appeared softer with the lack of focus. And Stein could taste the alcohol on his weapon's breath when he licked his lips, staring at Stein with something of wonder as the meister's fingers brushed over the ends of red hair.

"I promise."

The reply to the unspoken question caused a lump to rise in Stein's throat. A soft smile rose in crystal teal eyes that turned Spirit's lips upward too before he rested his head on Stein's shoulder again, pressing against his neck and nestling closer to him both bodily and in his soul.

Even with the truth offered so openly, it couldn't erase months of worry nor the evidence presented on so many other fronts. And so Stein continued to shield his thoughts from Spirit as the weapon reached for the water of his own accord, drinking long and slow before replacing the pitcher on the nightstand and curling back into the safety offered by his meister.

His wavelength was warm, rising in strength. And his skin felt almost like normal as he held Stein's hand in his lap again. Stein shuddered in response to the sincerity, the gentleness... His weapon's wavelength radiated gratitude, and care.

What an enigma, always, was Spirit Albarn. And one Stein knew beyond any doubt his soul would cling to until his last breath.

'Don't leave me...'

#soul eater #soul eater fanfiction #franken stein #spirit albarn #CrossStitch #steinspirit #spiritstein #stein x spirit #spirit x stein #stein #spirit #death scythe

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an-au-blog · 10 months

Note

difan is fine by me~

and i gotta say, SO excited by how much thought you've put into these options!! i think impel down is a super compelling choice, wrt the traumas your au buggy has, and making the marineford storyline still work, AND for that shippy agenda of yours (which i am fully in favor of ftr 😍)

i'm having fun imagining the marines announcing the buggy-roger pirates connection to the confusion of everyone on that ship BUT luffy, who did hear from rayleigh the other day about some buggy guy who used to be on the roger crew with shanks—but it didn't occur to luffy that this could also be HIS buggy until just now

alabasta is also a really interesting choice!! is the interest in history something he picked up after getting to know robin, or is it an interest he always had & is now remembering? (like, idk, maybe he recognizes the poneglyph language? and can't READ it, not without years of study and practice, but he thinks he used to know someone who could…?)

Aaa thank you, difan :')

I imagine that, yes, he picked up his love for history from Robin. Other than being the only responsible one adult, she often has a lot of sleepless nights, just like u!Buggy (who gets horrible night terrors). And I think that they would bond over being night owls. Also when she tries to tell him about the poneglyphs or just approached the topic, he reflexively goes "oh, yeah I know that", and then has a "wait... why do I feel like I know about them?" moment.

No, he cannot read them, but he knows more than the average person about them and about other things related to them. Robin thinks someone in the past before his memory loss taught him, or could read them, or maybe even found some of them...

Idk I just love the idea of Buggy being surprisingly smart especially with history (he asked Roger's crew taught him to be smart because he couldn't be strong like Shamks), so I guess it's self indulgence.

About the impel down thing:

Luffy would definitely be like "huh, so you're that Buggy, okay, cool!" Also I believe that all the prisoners would still want to become him devote followers, but he'd have to say goodbye to them because he's no captain, and the only captain he has is Luffy. (Which essentially makes them both respect Luffy immensely and think Buggy is just sooo modest and sooo loyal, committed, modest, etc, etc.)

I'd forgotten that the straw hats meet Rayleigh in the bar before Kuma sent them off and every detection. So I believe that Buggy already had a little talk with him about his life. And by little talk I mean he knows Rayleigh recognized him, and he finds out they've known each other because they both sailed. He refused to tell him more because he should find it for on his own pace.

(I'm gonna push some shuggy, here again lol):

On the way to Marine Ford, when the person on the snail told everyone that he was a part of the Roger pirates and is an associate of Shanks's, he was terrified. He'd never really seen this red-haired Shanks guy, only knows what Luffy had told him and what he's heard from the grapevine. And sure, Luffy praised him, but Luffy was way too trusting and positive. So excuse him for being untrusting towards a complete stranger.

(To give myself an excuse to push them in physical proximity...) Buggy would get swept by the attention and action, and Luffy would be taken by Law's crew by the time Buggy realizes he's gone. That's when Shanks sees him. His long lost friend and the person he was chasing ever since he found out he escaped from his entrapment on his own.

Shanks seems happy to see Buggy, and he seems like the only better option of getting the hell out of Marine Ford, so he takes him up on his offer for a ride back.

Once in the ship, where Shanks doesn't have to keep up appearances, he finally lets himself give Buggy a proper hug and starts telling him how much he's missed him and how worried he's been.

#unclenapped au #I'm I'M PUSHING MY SHUGGY BELIEVES ON ALL OF YOU #YOU CAN'T ESCAPE #shuggy #shuggy au #op #answers

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short-black-diamond · 1 year

Note

I really like hearing people talk about things they've noticed in something so it's so fun to read what you've notice in The Tomato Can 🫶

Bbg Vasily and Elijah

About the ocs, Mei and I guess Merida would be actually such an interesting new dynamic to see with Milana🤩🤩

- 🍰nom

aw, thanks love! Anyways, if you want to, I could continue...? I still have a lot to discover, and I can't believe that I actually overlooked a lot of things..

We love babygirl Vasily and Elijah

Yesssss, But if you want to, you can also request OC's to me if you'd like to! But I think I would rather call Merida Mary-Anne or something? Idk but I just---don't want her to the the name of a disney princess

Anyways, I'll post your other request, tged x male! reader in here. Also it's going to be angsty. Sorry not sorry, my sweet strawberry shortcake 🍰-nom. But don't worry, there will be a lil kith at the end.

Also I didn't proofread.

---

Who are you, Lloyd?

You knew that you shouldn't be here. But his parents asked you to. You knew that it would make your friendship with him all the more worse, if you even were friends in the first place.

But, for the sake of the baron's son, you had to ask a witch about Lloyd. She was a rather pretty woman, but she was a scaredy cat. So when she first saw you, she shrieked. I mean, who wouldn't, when your face was tinted red from the bear who just tried to eat you? Luckily, none of that blood outside your body belonged to you.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I have a question.", you said as you stepped into her humble home without asking, nor brushing your mudded boots, to which she grumbled under her breath.

"Make it quick. And also clean up your shoes."

"It's about the son of the baron I'm serving. Lloyd Frontera. He's uh...he's...not really himself?", you tried to explain, but you missed the words which woud suit for what you were wanting to say.

However, the witch was patient, and so, with you trying to form sentence upon sentence, did you finally manage to tell how from a Lloyd who was a drunkard and bad person became suddenly an estate developer and a businessman.

"And he just recruited a hundred and twenty Orcs for faster building? I don't even recognize the person I have to look over anymore...!", you finished, sipping on the sweet tea the witch brewed you while you were telling the story.

"Hm...to me, it sounds like a rare occurence of 'soul exchange'. Maybe, and I am talking on a very wild guess, it can be that the Lloyd you knew all your life until these past days has...well, died."

You flinched. "What?! D-don't you think that's a bit exaggerated??"

"There could be a chance, no? I mean, according to you, he was a drunk guy who was just utter trash. And maybe, he died at the same time another person died.", the witch's soft voice explained. Actually, she could be right.

If there could be Orcs, witches, monsters, dragons and elves in your world, why couldn't there be a new Lloyd?

"But...what should I do? I can't just tell him that he's not the same he once was!"

"Why don't you try getting to know the new Lloyd then?"

You blushed at that. 'Th-the knew Lloyd? Hmm...such a hassle. No, I'm going to confront him!'

...

"Ah, ____! There you are!", the baron's son exclaimed as he saw your approaching figure. 'Damn, the author really did describe ____ exactly how he looks in front of me. Tall, handsome, and nice. At least he's not like Javier. But still...he's beautiful...!'

He noticed your frown, a troubled expression on your face as you strutted uneasily towards him. "Mr. Frontera, I-I have a request!"

"Eh? A request? For me??", Lloyd asked with a confused smile as he followed you. You lead him to your home, and Lloyd blushed more.

'What is he trying to achieve...? I have work, but if ____ needs something, work can wait...What are your plans, ____?'

You led him to your table, with a freshly baked apple pie standing on it. You applied a little too much sugar, but you did it with the intention of him hitting you, but none of it. "Mm, your pie is good, but you applied a little too much sugar, ____. But is this the only thing you-Whoah!!"

Lloyd found himself pinned against your kitchen table, with your larger frame right on top of him. Lloyd couldn't miss the way you growled at him, demanding an explanation. However, Lloyd didn't know what for you could need an explanation for. All he could think about were your glowing eyes, your angry expression, how you were holding his hands in one of your larger ones and your other held his waist to the counter.

Yeah, Lloyd was turned on right now. "U-uhm, ____? D-do you mi-"

"You are not the Lloyd I know, so tell me who the hell you are!", you hissed as you glared at him angrily. But, Lloyd could see tears swelling in your eyes. Maybe out of frustration?

"____...I'm sorry. I've changed-" "Stop! Stop it!", you yelled as you puched him away from you and gripped your hair tightly. "I know that you are not Lloyd, but please, whoever you are, tell me where the old one is!"

There was a moment of silence, with you panting as you looked at 'Lloyd' with a look of hurt, betrayal, hope, and big sadness.

Suho Kim, who now possessed Lloyd's body, looked at you with guild. "____, I'll...explain everything to you. My actual name is Suho Kim, and I think I died in my previous life...? Anyway, now I'm in Lloyd's body, and, well, I tried to make the most out of it."

You only stared at him before leaning against the wall and sliding down while covering your face. (drama queen ig)

"Listen, I know that it was hard for you to endure this all, given the fact the Lloyd you knew before is no longer there, but I promise that I'll be better than him. I'd also like to get to know you better, ____."

Lloyd sat down next to you. "You know, at first, I thought that you'd be just like Javier, but you're not. You're so much sweeter, kinder, more emotional, and you tell me more. You're a good guy."

Suho slowly couldn't contain your silence anymore, and for a moment, he thought that you'd had fallen asleep. But you just raised your head to him. You looked depressed. "I don't like how you compare me to Javier, and I don't like how you talk about Lloyd as if he was a bad person.

Lloyd might have been trash, throwing tantrums, drinking the whole time and being horrible with women, but he was the one me and Javier had to dedicate our lives to. I don't know if Javier enjoys being your knight, but I'm glad that you, Suho Kim, could cure his sleeping problems. And as for me...", you trailed off, averting your eyes shyly.

Suho remembered that you were actually introduced as the love interest, but you died protecting Lloyd. Lloyd actually never liked you, but you just found something in Lloyd very alluring, and Suho didn't know what.

Suho felt bad. Bad that you lost the person you somehow fell in love with -he wanted to hit the author of the novel for putting sweet you together with somebody like Lloyd and the also having the audacity to give you a grotesque death scene- and even worse that you found out about it.

"...I don't know why, but I felt shy whenever I looked at him. Sure, he is not the best option to fancy, but I just...I felt a connection to him. And now he's gone..."

Suho sighed. "...____, could you try moving on? Forget about the old Lloyd...if it helps you in some way, uh, I c-could go on a few dates with you...!", the man sitting next to you advised, and you both blushed furiously at the thought.

You groaned. "Thanks, but...I don't know...I feel like everything's moving too fast? Yeah, that must be it...", you muttered, staring at the dust which was starting to form on your boot.

But, Suho didn't want to give up yet. You were sitting next to him, in all your vulnerability, and...he wanted you. All to himself.

"I'm the greediest man you know, right? All about money, coins, all that gold and silver and being rich. Well, I'm also another kind of greedy.", he whispered as he looked up to you.

"I'm greedy for your love, ____."

Your flustered expression couldn't have been cuter, and Suho smiled fondly at you. "I know this is a lot to take in, but please bear with me. You are one hell of a handsome knight, ____."

"W-wait! You can't just confess! We-we don't even know each other!"

"Ah, yes...but hey, at least you know that I like you. And I'll make you fall for me in no time!", was the last thing Suho said before he gave you a little kiss to the cheek and ran out of your house.

He left you sitting in your kitchen, with you hesitantly touching the place he put his lips on, and you sighed with a red face.

'Feelings are so hard...', you thought.

Meanwhile, Suho ran as fast as he could away from your house, and into the secure walls of his chamber. There, he panted as he jumped on his bed and kicked his feet.

'Oh my god, I can't believe I actually did it! It feels so right, but what if I can't make ____ fall for me?! I'm not even good with women! Why did I even say such a thing?! And his cheek, gosh, ____'s cheek! It's so soft!!!! AAAAARRGH! What should I do!??!', Lloyd thought as he giggled and whirled around in his bed.

Javier, and Lloyd's father exchanged concerned looks as they heard Lloyd's giggling.

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qzwrites · 1 year

Text

Blackmail Boyfriend DVD Commentary Edition

This was fun! But it's a pain in the ass to figure out how to format something like this! Many of the places I looked used colored text or italics for their commentary and I hated that and thought it was inaccessible! So I have set my commentary off and also indented it. Let me know how that reads.

It was convenient to share a hotel room with the only teammate who knew Aidan was trans. It was unfortunate that said teammate was blackmailing Aidan into having sex with him, but Aidan did really need the help keeping their other roommate from noticing anything amiss about Aidan. Aidan figured at least with Trey in the room, Richard wouldn’t do anything.

He should have known Richard better by now.

I talked about this in the original author's notes but this sure is a scenario that occurs all over manga both vanilla and hentai. In high school I read a romance manga about a girl cross-dressing to go to an all-boys school to be nearer to her favorite soccer player and ending up roommates with him, and I have also read comics where it's like "Surprise! The new ace player is Actually A Girl!" which leads to, at best, dubiously consensual sex (whether or not the author seems aware this is dubious is, itself, dubious). Once I had rotated this concept in my mind enough times, I thought it would be not terribly difficult but definitely interesting to start from this extremely dire transactional relationship and end up in an actual romance, especially if, as was usually the case in these "secret cross-dresser" manga, it was about teenagers. So I had the backstory for Aidan and Richard worked out first, but I thought the part where Aidan realized Richard actually liked him was more interesting, which is why I start here.

Aidan was almost asleep when he felt Richard shift behind him. That didn’t alarm him on its own, but then Richard’s hand was on Aidan’s hip.

There were lots of things to dislike about Richard blackmailing Aidan into sex, and one of them was the way Aidan’s stupid pussy did not dislike it. Unlike the way flicking the bean only ever made Aidan uncomfortably aware of his dysphoria, getting pounded somehow wasn’t triggering at all. To add insult to injury, it was way easier to come from. Even though Richard was a transphobic, misogynistic asshole, Aidan’s stupid pussy lit up the second Richard touched him.

I actually hate the word "pussy" but I also think euphemisms and circumlocutions indicate a different type of trans dude. Since I didn't want to write about someone dealing with too much dysphoria on top of the blackmail situation (because how the fuck are you going to come around on someone who is constantly triggering dysphoria? No matter how good the sex is or how nice Richard is, it would just be an overall more negative experience) I thought straightforward but not clinical terms would be best. Also IDK man, I'm also trans, and for whatever reason I find it a lot easier to write a guy talking about his pussy than a girl doing the same. Boypussy is fine, I guess. I also started this story not long after I finished Exciting New Levels of Heresy, in which I managed to avoid using any clear words for Nic's junk literally at all. That wasn't me trying to be coy, I just found it difficult to accept the idea of Nic thinking about zeir body in any of those terms. In the extras set further in the future, ze uses the word "cunt", but freshly-deflowered Nic was just too embarrassed about having and enjoying sex to say something like that. Whereas I kind of wanted Aidan to feel like...you know, a teenage boy. "Pussy" feels like a very teenage boy way to refer to it.

Aidan tried to squirm away from Richard, but Richard just followed him to the edge of the bed, until Aidan had nowhere to go. Aidan hissed, “Trey’s right there!”

“So be quiet,” Richard murmured, sliding his fingers under the waistband of Aidan’s shorts. He pulled Aidan back against him. Aidan wasn’t surprised to feel he was already hard. Sometimes it felt like Richard could go from flaccid to throbbing instantly.

After weeks of taking advantage of Aidan, Richard knew Aidan’s body and how to manage his dysphoria as well as Aidan did. He only used his hand down the front of Aidan’s underwear to shove it down and out of the way. Once he had his cock nestled between Aidan’s labia, he reached up Aidan’s shirt to play with his tits.

Aidan had to bite his knuckles to muffle the sounds he wanted to make. Between Richard’s cock sliding against his pussy and Richard’s fingers pinching his nipples, he was wet enough to take it in no time at all.

Aidan resented how much he enjoyed fucking Richard. Richard misgendered him when they were alone, even if it had been a while since he did so, and he had immediately demanded to fuck him when he found out Aidan “was a girl”. But having to avoid sexual situations that would out him did approximately fuck-all to calm Aidan’s raging teenage hormones, while Richard’s stupid dick actually let Aidan blow off some steam and be less sexually frustrated. It was easier to concentrate on his schoolwork, he had less trouble falling asleep at night, he even played better since Richard started fucking him. It was monumentally unfair. Fucking someone to keep them from outing you should not be so enjoyable.

Richard stopped bothering with condoms after he found out Aidan was on birth control, which Aidan knew was irresponsible but couldn’t bring himself to seriously protest. He told himself it was because fighting Richard on it might lead to Richard outing him, but it was at least half because of how good it felt to not have to stop when Aidan was wet enough for Richard’s cock to just slip right into him, as it did now.

I know I'm not the only person who did stupid things I knew were stupid even as I did them when I was a teenager purely because I was horny. Aidan probably could have found a way out of this situation, even if it would have been tricky to avoid being outed, but he didn't try very hard.

Aidan turned to press his face into the pillow to stop his groan. Richard tugged him away from the edge of the bed, then pushed Aidan down on his stomach and rolled on top of him. Aidan reached down to shove his shorts off one leg, so he could spread his legs that much wider. Richard’s breathing grew harsh and ragged as he humped Aidan like a badly-trained dog.

The lamp between the beds clicked on. Aidan froze. So did Richard, although his cock twitched a bit inside Aidan like it was less on board with this interruption. Trey’s voice said, “What the hell are you guys doing over th–oh my god, are you fucking?”

I tried to push this piece back into being more cartoony, the way some of my older art is, and I'm of two minds about how it turned out. I did have a lot of fun doing the lighting! And Richard's expression cracks me up. Information Aidan does not have available that the reader is getting from this illustration, I guess.

Aidan’s heart raced. He was pressed against the mattress with Richard on top of him, the blanket was still mostly over them. Trey couldn’t see Aidan’s breasts or his lack of dick. It was entirely possible Richard was fucking him in the ass. That’s what Trey would assume.

Except when Richard walked in on Aidan initially, he was adamant that he wasn’t gay, even as he demanded to fuck another guy, because he refused to acknowledge the fact that Aidan was a guy. He could very well out Aidan to avoid letting Trey think he was gay. Fuck fuck fuck.

Richard turned his head to face Trey, but didn’t otherwise move, staying draped over Aidan’s back. “Ugh,” Richard said, “I thought you were asleep.”

“I was, but the sound of what I thought was one of you jerking it woke me up,” Trey said. “Are you two seriously doing it?”

“Trying to,” Richard said. He still didn’t move from on top of Aidan. It was embarrassing as hell, but Aidan had to admit it kept Trey from seeing much of Aidan’s body.

“Dude,” Trey said. He sounded more offended than disgusted, thank god. “With me in the room?”

I have no idea what the differences may be between spending the night in a hotel with a sports team versus a drama club or Academic Decathlon team, but I assumed they couldn't be too different. I don't think anyone ever had sex in the hotel rooms on any of my trips for competitions, but it didn't seem like it would be too hard to arrange if one was so inclined. The main problem, of course, is that they usually put us three or four to a room. But, having Trey in the room to address that and add some risk and excitement to the sex also allowed me to make Richard and Aidan talk about things. And it meant I had an easy set-up for Aidan getting walked in on and outed again, which let me contrast Richard's initial reaction to his new reaction, which forced them to talk some more. It did mean another character to keep track of, but at least I didn't have to get too in the weeds with him. (Shakes fist at all the boys in Childhood Friends, especially you, Paul)

“I thought you were asleep,” Richard said defensively. “We don’t usually have a bed.”

“Can you choose one or the other?” Aidan demanded, face hot. If Richard wasn’t going to be a cowardly asshole and out him, then he really didn’t want to prolong this situation. “Either talk to Trey or fuck me.”

“Uh, I hate to break it to you,” Trey said, “but I don’t think I’m going to be able to fall back asleep.”

Aidan groaned and pressed his face back into the pillow.

Richard shrugged. “I don’t care if you watch,” he said.

“Richard,” Aidan yelped, very nearly making a terrible mistake and bucking him off.

“Oh, calm down,” Richard said. He rolled his hips, leisurely. The felt good enough that Aidan relaxed against his own will. He might also have moaned a little.

“Jesus Christ,” Trey said. His voice broke on the last syllable. He cleared his throat. “Look, I don’t mind if y’all are gay or whatever, but I’m not.”

Aidan tensed back up again. Richard, confusingly, rubbed Aidan’s arm soothingly, on the side Trey couldn’t see. Richard said, “Fine, turn the light off then. I just want to finish.”

“You’re a freak,” Trey said. “Um, Aidan?”

Aidan had to pull his face out of the pillow to answer. “Honestly at this point I don’t care, I want to finish too.”

Richard put his mouth against Aidan’s ear to murmur, “Of course you do, slut.” He rolled his hips again, still slowly enough that it was torturous. His breath was hot on the side of Aidan’s head. “Slutty little faggot.”

Being called a slur should not have made Aidan shudder and clench around Richard’s cock, but it was the first time since Richard first saw Aidan naked that he’d said anything to acknowledge Aidan was a queer guy and not a straight girl. Aidan moaned before he could help it.

Important to establish that, despite being a crude and physically needy guy, Richard was not in fact continuing to misgender Aidan. It takes a special kind of guy to make calling the POV character a faggot an improvement, but it didn't feel like much of a stretch that Aidan would be into it. He is, after all, the kind of person who is unbothered enough by being coerced into sex to not try that hard to get out of it. Him being kind of into it makes that seem more explicable.

“God,” Trey said, and the light clicked off.

“Thanks, man,” Richard said, and started humping Aidan again.

“I hate you,” Aidan said. Richard only grunted and bit Aidan’s neck.

Aidan had a much harder time keeping quiet now that he knew Trey was already awake. Yeah, it was embarrassing that Trey was hearing all the moaning Aidan was doing, not to mention the extremely audible slapping of Richard’s hips against Aidan’s ass, but…he already knew. And with the light off again, the chance he’d notice Aidan was trans was effectively zero.

After a few minutes, Trey made a noise in the other bed. He said, “It does not make me gay to jerk off to this, okay?”

Aidan laughed, which made the muscles in his pussy do something that made Richard groan. “Sure,” Aidan said.

“I’m listening to people have sex,” Trey said. He was out of breath. Fuck, he was actually jerking off listening to Richard and Aidan go at it. “It’s a normal physical reaction.”

I did find myself thinking a lot about a time in my college dorm where I was laying awake with insomnia hearing a weird noise like "what the hell is my roommate dong over there" and didn't realize until years later that she was masturbating. I spent all year waiting until she went to the practice room with her violin! Honestly!!!

Aidan laughed again, and so did Richard. “Yeah,” Richard said, “nothing but normal physical reactions in here tonight.”

Thankfully, after that he settled back down to fucking Aidan. Apart from labored breathing and rhythmic slapping sounds, Trey was quiet as well. With the light off but no worry about waking Trey up, Aidan felt comfortable enough to push himself up on his knees. Richard murmured into Aidan’s ear, “God, you’re such a slut.” Still, he adjusted the angle he was thrusting into Aidan so his next stroke slammed into Aidan’s g-spot. Aidan cried out. Then he was coming, and Richard was still slamming into him, and Aidan was still coming. God, it was fucked up that Richard knew his body so well.

Richard must have come at some point in there, because by the time Aidan was cognizant of anything other than his own overwhelming orgasm, Richard was pulling out of him with some extremely wet squelchy sounds.

Aidan collapsed onto the mattress to get his breathing under control. Now that he was the one listening to someone in the other bed get off, he had to admit Trey had a point. He’d just come, after all, and he wasn’t into Trey, but his pussy still had trouble calming down while he could hear Trey panting and jerking off.

Richard tugged on the hem of Aidan’s shirt. “Roll over,” he mumbled.

“Why?” Aidan asked, but did it. He was a little surprised when Richard leaned over and kissed him. It was hot and sloppy, and he got a bit of Aidan’s nose at first. Richard had really only kissed him the first time they had sex. Considering how short Richard’s fuse was, and how humiliatingly easy Aidan was, Richard didn’t usually bother with much foreplay. He grabbed Aidan’s left boob through his shirt. Aidan groaned. This was not helping him be less horny.

“Knock it off,” Aidan tried to say, but Richard wouldn’t stop kissing him enough for it to be understandable. Richard pushed Aidan’s shirt up and pinched his nipple. “Ah!”

Without Trey in the room, they absolutely would have gone for another round here.

“God, are you still going?” Trey asked. The sound of him stroking his dick did not pause as he spoke. That was definitely not helping Aidan be less horny.

“Well, now we’re listening to someone jerk off,” Richard said. “It’s a natural physical reaction.”

Trey started to laugh, gasped, and Aidan was willing to bet that weird breath he took meant he came. That was embarrassing for him, but also pretty funny.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Aidan said, squirming out of Richard’s grasp. At least with the light still off, Aidan didn’t have to worry about the fact that his unbound breasts were clearly visible under his shirt, especially with one of his nipples all hard from being manhandled. He didn’t much like pulling his underwear and shorts up when he could feel Richard’s come oozing out of him, but even with the light off Aidan didn’t feel comfortable walking around the foot of the bed to the bathroom naked from the waist down.

Once the bathroom door was shut, Aidan turned the light on. His hair was a mess and his boobs were indeed visible in this shirt, but Richard hadn’t left any marks on his neck. He peed, and then spent a not-insignificant amount of time wiping up the mess. He knew dicks were only supposed to ejaculate a teaspoon or some small amount like that, but he would swear Richard came more than that. Although Aidan supposed it was kind of hard to tell apart what came out of his body versus Richard’s. God knew he got pretty damn wet when Richard started pawing at him.

I don't know that Aidan is even thinking about this consciously at this point, but vagina owners please pee after PIV sex! Our urethras are too short to not clean out whatever may have gotten in there during sex! Save yourself the UTI! Also I did establish earlier that they weren't bothering with condoms, which was purely so I didn't have to figure out how to get a condom into this scene without waking up Trey or disrupting the pacing, but also makes the clean-up extra necessary.

He turned the light off before he left the bathroom, then waited until he could see well enough to be sure the light in the main room was still off before he opened the door. He made it back to the bed and under the covers without incident.

“Swear to god,” Trey said from the other bed, “if you assholes don’t go to sleep now, I’m telling Coach.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Richard said. He rolled over and put his arm around Aidan’s waist. Aidan tensed, but all Richard did was snuggle into Aidan’s back. Aidan wished he knew what the hell was going on in Richard’s head, but he was too tired to think about it for long before he fell asleep.

Richard is totally in love with Aidan and Aidan is just like "wtf has he always been cuddly?" The answer is yes, actually, but it's pretty hard to get in those post-coital cuddles when you're having quickies in the locker room.

Being stealth at school wasn’t as hard as Aidan had worried it would be. Enough guys changed for gym in the bathroom stalls because they were shy that it wasn’t that notable that Aidan did it too. It was slightly more conspicuous in the locker room for practice, but most of the soccer team didn’t pay too much attention to him at first, and then they liked him enough because he was a good player to not give him shit about it.

So maybe he’d gotten a little complacent about changing in the locker room. He was on birth control that stopped his periods now, so he didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing pad wings or tampon strings or whatever, and he wasn’t about to bleed through his underwear. More than once he’d actually gotten down to his binder with someone else in the room, without them noticing, because no one was paying attention to him change. So one day after practice, when he was really sweaty and muddy and everyone else had already left, Aidan thought, as long as everyone else was gone, he might as well take a shower.

Literally I don't understand why teen media acts like everyone is fine with changing in front of everyone. This was not the case anywhere I went. Maybe sports teams were more generally blase about it, the way most of the drama kids were, but even after four years of changing in front of each other for shows, there were some people who always changed in the bathroom. I never once used a shower at school until I lived in a dorm, though. Although again: theatre kid instead of sports kid.

He’d almost gotten away with it, even when Richard came back in to get something he’d forgotten in his locker. The showers weren’t easy to peek into from the path in and out of the locker room. Richard called out, “Who’s still in here?”

If he hadn’t responded, Richard definitely would have come to check it out, so Aidan shouted, “It’s Aidan!”

Richard laughed, because he’d been one of the other guys who fell in the mud. “Alright, see you tomorrow,” he called back, and Aidan relaxed.

Too soon, as it turned out, because a minute later Richard was at the doorway to the shower, saying, “Hang on, you never even change in front of us, let’s see what you’re so shy about, anyway.”

Gee, Richard, why are you so curious about seeing Aidan naked?

None of the showers were really set up to provide enough privacy to keep Aidan from being partially exposed. He yelped and spun around to put his back to Richard, but Richard had already gotten an eyeful.

“Holy shit,” Richard said, “you’re a girl?”

He didn’t pay any attention at all to Aidan’s protest that he was not, in fact, a girl. His very thoughtful rebuttal was to gesture at Aidan’s body and say, “Boobs, vagina.” It was annoying enough that his suggestion he could keep his mouth shut if Aidan let Richard fuck him was almost a relief.

I think not writing this out as a full scene makes it stronger. Aidan's extremely judgy narration cracks me up. And it didn't feel like it needed it; the fact that it happened at all is what's important for this story, and I've already gotten the requisite S2B2 sex scene out of the way.

By then, Aidan was done showering. He tried to wrap himself in a towel and go to his locker to get dressed, but Richard grabbed him, pushed him up against the outside wall of the showers, and kissed him. He’d already been hard, and that made Aidan kind of dizzy even if it was based on a fundamental misunderstanding of Aidan’s gender.

“What, now?” Aidan asked, breathlessly, like Richard’s dick hadn’t made that clear.

“Why, you got somewhere else to be?” Richard asked, and didn’t wait for an answer before kissing Aidan again.

Aidan lost his virginity on a damp towel spread out on the floor of the locker room. He didn’t come, but it was a near thing. Aidan swore to himself he wouldn’t get off on it the next time he let Richard fuck him, which turned out to be comically over-confident.

Aidan woke up the morning after having sex in front of a teammate with Richard pressed up against his side, his hand up Aidan’s shirt. He was grabbing Aidan’s boob in his sleep. Aidan didn’t know what he’d expected. It was under the blanket, at least. Aidan nudged Richard off of him, then lifted his head to see if Trey was awake. Trey was on his side facing away from them, so Aidan couldn’t tell. It would be too conspicuous to try and wriggle into his binder under the blanket, so Aidan reached for his phone to check the time.

He was just messing around on his phone, aimlessly scrolling social media, when Trey got up from his bed and walked to the bathroom. Aidan immediately dropped his phone to grab his binder. He wrenched his shirt off, pulled his binder on, and was rewarded with the bottom edge of his binder rolling up and digging in painfully, the way it always did he when he tried to put it on too fast. Aidan kicked Richard under the blankets, while he struggled to pull his binder down.

Aidan heard Richard groan, then felt the bed shift as he moved around. Then Richard said, “Oh, shit, where’s Trey?”

“Bathroom,” Aidan said. “But I think he’s only peeing. Give me a hand.”

“Yeah,” Richard said. He grabbed the back of Aidan’s binder and pulled. He reached up with his other hand to straighten out the hem without Aidan having to ask. Since he always wanted access to Aidan’s boobs when they were having sex, he’d helped Aidan in and out of his binder enough times to be decent at it. It was one of the weird ways he was considerate even though he’d blackmailed Aidan into this.

While Aidan adjusted the way his boobs were laying in the front of his binder, Richard grabbed Aidan’s discarded shirt and turned it right side out. He held it out so all Aidan had to do was put his arms and head through it. While Aidan did that, he heard the toilet flush. Richard murmured, “You good?”

I think it says something about Richard (and his relationship with Aidan) that, even though Aidan doesn't realize Richard likes him, he still doesn't hesitate to demand assistance with his binder. They've been doing this long enough that Richard has clearly established that he's going to help Aidan stay closeted, despite theoretically holding the threat of outing him over his head. I don't know if anyone else even noticed this, but Richard going above and beyond by prepping the shirt for Aidan to get into is him doing a really good job of helping Aidan get dressed. I don't mention it in the story, but Richard doesn't have any younger siblings or anything; his experience dressing someone else is all Aidan. He's trying so hard to be boyfriend material without saying anything about it. Idiot.

Aidan yanked the shirt down and flopped back onto the bed. “Yeah,” he said.

“Good,” Richard said. He also laid back down, pulling the blanket up over their chests. He yawned. “What time is it?”

“Eight-thirty,” Aidan told him.

Richard groaned. “That’s too early to be up on a Saturday,” he said, and rolled over to press his face into Aidan’s shoulder.

“Stop that,” Aidan said, shrugging him off. He heard the bathroom door open, and then the sink ran. He was as prepared to face Trey as he was ever going to be. He would have felt more secure with another layer of clothes on, but he’d known he wouldn’t have time to get completely dressed, and it would be weird to get partially dressed and then stay in bed. Aidan wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep, but he didn’t completely disagree with Richard that it was too early to be up. And there wasn’t much he could do in the hotel room if Richard or Trey went back to sleep.

“Are you guys up?” Trey asked from around the corner.

“Yeah,” Aidan said. Richard groaned and pulled the blanket over his head.

“So,” Trey said, coming around the corner and heading for the bed he’d slept in. “Usually I wouldn’t want to be nosy, but I feel like I earned it.” He sat down on the edge of the bed facing them and leaning back on his hands. He was still in the t-shirt and plaid boxers he’d slept in. “Are you guys gay?”

At least that was a question with a simple answer. “Only in the umbrella sense,” Aidan said. “I’m bi.”

Richard flipped the blanket down off his face. “If being into Aidan counts,” he said, “then I guess I am too.”

Aidan looked sidelong at him. That was a pretty clever way to sound like he was saying something he wasn’t. The thing about Richard was that he was inconsistent about the gender thing. He’d been adamant he wasn’t gay and it wasn’t gay for him to fuck Aidan, but he never slipped up in front of other people. That wasn’t Aidan’s typical experience with people who didn’t believe or understand that he was trans. When they had sex, Richard worked around Aidan’s discomfort with having his clit touched. Aidan genuinely couldn’t tell how much Richard was being considerate versus just humoring Aidan in order to have continued access to Aidan’s body.

And now it sounded like he was fine with Trey thinking he was bi, even though he’d been vehement at first that he wasn’t gay.

Richard saw Aidan looking. “What?” he asked. He was blushing. He was blushing?

It was early, and Trey already knew they had sex. Aidan said bluntly, “I kind of figured I was just a convenient hole to stick your dick in.”

Richard shrugged. “I feel like you’d be less irresistible if you were.”

That made Aidan blush. He always thought Richard was just horny, not that he found Aidan especially attractive. That…put some things in a different light.

“For pete’s sake,” Trey said, rolling his eyes. “Don’t make me listen to you two have sex and a relationship discussion.”

“It’s too early to be talking about this shit anyway,” Aidan said. He sat up. “Breakfast is in the lobby, right?”

It was an obvious change of subject, but they both let him get away with it. Aidan steadfastly ignored the way he was still blushing and got up to get dressed.

Richard was in the middle of an argument with Jake about some video game when Aidan and Trey finished eating breakfast, so Aidan and Trey walked back through the hotel to their room to get ready for the day without him.

“Hey,” Aidan said, when the door to the room was closed behind them, “sorry about last night. I did try to tell him no ’cause you were here, but, uh. Not very hard, I guess.”

Trey sighed. “I mean, it sucked to get woken up like that, but it’s not like I’ve never done something stupid because a girl put her hand down my pants, so. Don’t worry about it.” He sat down on the foot of his bed and kicked off the shoes he’d worn to breakfast. He went on, “I mean, we’ve all walked past that nook behind the band room and pretended we didn’t see whoever was making out back there.”

Based on a real nook behind the band room at my high school. Literally on the path to the only bathrooms in the building, and we all collectively went I Do Not See It

That was an extremely generous word for some of what went on in the nook behind the band room. Aidan had never walked past anyone outright fucking back there, but it went a lot further than kissing. “Well, still,” Aidan said. “It was rude to do that to you. But thanks for being nice about it.”

“You know, thinking about it,” Trey said, “I did notice Richard was being nicer to you lately.”

“Ah,” Aidan said. He hadn’t been sure he wasn’t imagining that. Before Richard called him irresistible, Aidan thought any niceness he wasn’t imagining was due to misplaced sexism. Now he didn’t know what to think. To Trey, he said, “Yeah, I guess so.”

Trey yawned. “Hey,” he said, “do you mind if I try to take a nap before we have to go?”

“Nah, go ahead,” Aidan said. “Want me to wake you up?”

“I’ll set an alarm,” Trey said. He kicked off his shoes. Aidan didn’t bother, but he made sure to pull the covers up so his shoes didn’t get in the sheets or anything. Trey climbed into bed, messed with his phone for a minute, then closed his eyes. Aidan grabbed the book he was supposed to finish this weekend out of his backpack. After a second, he realized he should text Richard to be quiet when he came back to the room, did that, then went back to reading.

They were playing two games today, so Coach told them to pace themselves. He looked right at Richard when he said, “Don’t push yourselves too hard. We’re trying to build stamina, not let you hurt yourselves.” Richard attempted to look innocent. Coach didn’t fall for it any more than Aidan did.

This got all the way to the S2B2 editorial team without anyone pointing out that I had never named the fucking sport they were playing. It was always soccer in my head, but I sure didn't have that in the initial drafts!

The first game was good. The other team, who they hadn’t played before, had clearly gotten a similar talk from their coach. It was a chill, fun game that felt more cooperative than competitive. It was nice, although Aidan would get bored if every game felt that way.

It made Richard noticeably restless. For a second in the locker room after the game, Aidan thought Richard was going to follow him into the bathroom when he went to change. He didn’t, though, and Aidan took a moment to be thankful he was trans and no one could tell if he was turned on through his clothes. They’d literally just done it last night, why was Aidan already soaking his shorts at the thought of Richard following him into the bathroom? Stupid hormones.

The cafeteria wasn’t staffed, but the coaches had ordered catering and set it up in there. Aidan expected the catering was better than the cafeteria food anyway, so he wasn’t going to complain. He grabbed some sandwiches and a bag of chips, then went over to the water fountain to fill up his water bottle.

When Aidan got to the set of tables the rest of the team had claimed, Jake was laughing at Richard. “Man, you need to lighten up,” Jake said. “Forget superstition, maybe you should get laid before games, work off some of that energy.”

“He did,” Trey said. “It obviously didn’t help.”

Aidan froze in his seat. He was sure Richard did too.

Jake looked from Trey to Richard, then, inevitably, at Aidan.

Trey said, “Oh, dammit, was that–supposed to be secret?”

A story about being repeatedly outed, RIP Aidan

The table roared as everyone who’d heard them demanded details. Aidan didn’t know if he was surprised or offended at how quickly everyone determined Richard had sex with him, and not Trey, before either of them even said anything. Aidan didn’t bother to fight his blush. He only ignored it and unwrapped his sandwich.

“I thought you hated Aidan,” Mark said to Richard.

Before Richard could respond, Joseph said, “Come on, that was obviously his immature little way of flirting.” Aidan had come to a similar conclusion himself, given how quickly Richard jumped to “have sex with me” when he decided Aidan was a girl. He had to have been attracted to Aidan on some level before that, and “finding out” Aidan was a girl let him acknowledge it.

So this isn't a thing I've only seen in one place, but the example that jumps to my mind is Eurotrip; the main character finds out his German penpal is not a dude, as he assumed, but actually a girl, and immediately is like "oh I'm in love with her she's the one". Hey? Hey dude? That's fucking gay. Richard even admits it later, that finding out Aidan "was a girl" let him realize his feelings for Aidan were a crush. Like, I don't know how "latent bisexuality" isn't the only possible answer for this very rapid conclusion. If the only thing that's keeping you from fucking your dude friends is thinking they're dudes, but as soon as you have any reason to think that's not true you're like "okay take off your clothes"...that's actually pretty gay, dude. (This also happens a lot in gender-bender hentai manga. Hey guys? Your dude friend having tits now should not immediately lead to you fucking him and feeling totally secure in your heterosexuality, actually. That's a fucking wild reaction to this situation.) ("Ani it's just a porn premise" WELL SO IS THIS BUT I PUT SOME THOUGHT INTO THE EXECUTION AT LEAST)

“I just thought we’re not that close, I didn’t hear about it,” Trey said. He looked wretched enough that Aidan felt bad for him.

“Don’t worry about it,” Richard yelled, to be heard over the din. “It’s not like we told you not to tell anyone.”

“Is this recent?” someone asked.

“Are you dating?” someone else asked, teasingly.

“No,” Aidan said firmly, in unison with Richard.

“You can’t say you’re friends with benefits,” Mark said. “You’re not friends.”

“Why aren’t you dating?” Joseph asked. He was closer to Richard, but he looked down the table in a way that made it clear he was including Aidan in his question.

Aidan looked at Richard, who stared back at him. Richard was wide-eyed, but the look on his face didn’t tell Aidan anything about how he wanted to handle this. Of course this was when everyone else would shut up enough to listen. Nosy bastards. Finally, Aidan said, “I don’t want to have this conversation in front of other people.”

“Yeah,” Richard said at once, “me neither.” He looked around the table. “It’s none of y’all’s business.”

They do not have this conversation in public because I didn't want to write this conversation with so many other people involved. I can write a big group meal talk, but it's hard, and honestly I don't think it would have been worth it in this case!

“God, I’m sorry,” Trey said, looking from Richard to Aidan. “I didn’t realize.”

“It’s fine,” Richard said.

It was annoying, but Aidan hadn’t heard any homophobia, just nosiness and some I-told-you-so’s. It was far and away the better outing he’d had at this school. “It’s okay, Trey,” Aidan said. He smiled, and hoped it didn’t look as forced as it was. “It’s not your fault nothing in the world can chill Richard out.”

Aidan told himself he didn’t feel bad, redirecting the teasing back to Richard alone. Richard rolled his eyes, but he let Jake resume giving him grief, so Aidan turned his attention to his lunch.

There were an uneven number of teams, so their team had a break after lunch, before their second game. They went to watch the other games that were happening. Aidan hoped he’d fall off the radar of the rest of the team, but he wasn’t that lucky.

Mark climbed over the bleachers to sit down next to Aidan twenty minutes into the game. “Hey,” he said quietly, “are you really hooking up with Richard?”

“I guess,” Aidan said. He didn’t know what else he could say. At least Richard had been just as firm at lunch about the fact they weren’t dating as Aidan had; that could have been awkward. Well, more awkward.

“And you’re…okay? With that?” Mark asked. “I mean, he was such a dick when you joined the team. No pun intended.”

Aidan shrugged. “I assumed Joey was right, and that was his messed-up attempt at flirting. Or dealing with his feelings, anyway,” he said. He wasn’t sure it counted as flirting if you didn’t know why you were doing it. He added, “I don’t think he’s ever been into another guy before.”

I mean, if one of your friends who was kind of bullying a guy suddenly turned out to be having sex with that guy, it seems reasonable to be concerned that something unsavory is going on there. And there is! Or at least there was! So here we see Aidan being offered an out for the first of, like, three times in this story. But he is now invested enough in also protecting Richard, as well as continuing to get laid, that he isn't even conflicted or concerned about taking it without simultaneously outing himself. It doesn't even occur to him! Mostly he just doesn't want to be talking to his teammates about this.

“I guess that makes sense,” Mark said. He scratched his scruffy goatee. “But I don’t know, man, my sisters always say you shouldn’t reward guys who do stuff like that. It’s kind of a red flag, isn’t it?”

Great, he thought Aidan was some kind of foolish damsel. Aidan guessed that was technically better than people knowing he was trans and treating him like a delusional girl. Not by much, though. He said, “I don’t know about Richard, but this is one reason I didn’t want to tell people. It’s complicated. And personal.”

“No, I know,” Mark said, holding up his hands. “You’re a big boy, you can make your own decisions. I just thought, I dunno, someone should check on you. We’ve all known Richard longer than you, I didn’t want you to be, you know, forgotten about.”

Aidan didn’t know what to say to that. “Thanks?” Aidan said.

Mark sighed. “I should have told Trey to do this,” he said.

Aidan laughed. “Trey wasn’t worried,” he said. “I bet he would’ve told you not to worry, too. Not to be vulgar or anything, but there is a reason I’m hooking up with him.”

“Oh,” Mark said. He made a face. “Really?” he asked after a moment. “I mean, you’re right, I don’t think Richard’s ever been into another guy before, and it doesn’t seem like that would lend itself to being good at gay sex.”

Aidan shrugged, still smiling. “I was honestly shocked,” he said. “But it’s really good.”

“Damn, okay,” Mark said. Aidan glanced at him, and saw he was blushing. About time someone else was embarrassed about this. “I guess that answers that.”

In the locker room before their second game, as Aidan walked over to the bathroom stalls, Jake said, “Ah, now we know why Aidan changes in the bathroom. To avoid inflaming Richard’s lust!” Most of the team burst into laughter.

Well, Aidan thought, face hot enough it felt like it might burst into flames, at least this was all sending them off track. No one would guess he was trans if they assumed it was all about Richard, the way he’d hassled Aidan at first, and now not being naked around the guy he was hooking up with when they weren’t having sex.

“Yeah, yeah,” Richard said loudly. “Very funny. I have some self-control, you know.”

“Not according to Trey!” Jake said, and set off another round of laughter. Great, so Aidan could assume everyone knew they’d had sex while Trey was in the room. The guys had probably already started texting other people from school about it. Not only were people going to know Aidan was sleeping with Richard, they’d know he didn’t have enough self-control to override his libido.

He did still prefer that to people knowing he was trans. At least Aidan being horny for Richard was something it made sense to treat him differently for.

The second game was rougher than the first one. This team was not taking it easy. Aidan wound up in the dirt more than once, although he didn’t get injured. Richard was in his element. While Aidan was on the sidelines, trying to catch his breath and hydrate after Coach subbed him out, he found it difficult not to watch him.

Former soccer player had to look up the rules of soccer for this story. Shameful. (It has been like...literally twenty years. It's not actually shameful, it's just annoying because dammit I still had an eidetic memory when I played soccer why can't I find that information in my brain it has to be there somewhere)

Jake elbowed Aidan. “Keep your mind on the game, perv,” he said.

“Shut up,” Aidan said reflexively, but he could feel himself turning red again. “Like you haven’t told us all a thousand times how hard it is not to pop a boner when you go to Crystal’s games.”

“Mm,” Jake said, nodding. “It is hot when people are good at things. Still, embarrassing to be into Richard.”

“If you guys don’t stop saying stuff like that, I’m going to tell you exactly what I enjoy about Richard,” Aidan said. If he chose his words carefully enough, he wouldn’t even be lying. “And I doubt he’d mind me bragging about his dick.”

Jake groaned. “He would not,” he agreed. “Okay, message received, I’ll shut up now.”

“Thank you,” Aidan said, as primly as he could. Jake laughed.

They lost the game, but only by a single point. Considering the other team had at one point managed a four point lead, they felt pretty good about that. After they showered and changed, there was a goofy little closing ceremony, but it was short. Not short enough that Aidan wasn’t ruing and lamenting his extremely sweaty binder. Being able to take a shower before this would be nice.

Except he didn’t know if he’d even be on the soccer team if he was out. Or be allowed to use the showers, if he was. It didn’t usually bother him this much, but two games’ worth of sweat made his binder unspeakably itchy.

Write what you know sometimes means writing about how fucking itchy binders are. Starting T made it so much more urgent for me to get top surgery because being extra-sweaty while binding is a nightmare.

Finally back in their hotel room, Aidan immediately started gathering his things for a shower. The bathroom here locked, and even if it was a pain getting back into a binder not fully dry–and if he was locked in the bathroom with his clothes, he never got totally dry–he had a clean one to change into, and he wouldn’t have to worry about Trey or anyone else seeing him.

“Hey,” Trey said, “I really am sorry about, like. Outing you both, I guess.”

“It’s fine,” Aidan said. He was dithering about if he could get out his clean binder while Trey was right here without him noticing. He didn’t keep his binders in the main pocket of the suitcase, since that was so easy to look into if someone walked by. Was that paranoid? Probably. But as much as binders didn’t look a lot like bras, they also didn’t really look like something a cis boy would have in their luggage. It might invite questions or investigation.

Richard flopped backward onto the bed, jostling Aidan’s suitcase. “I should have asked you not to say something,” he said. “It’s not your fault.”

“I mean,” Aidan said, “I don’t care if people know I’m bi. Honestly, everyone seems more shocked anyone would fuck you.”

“No one is shocked someone would fuck me,” Richard said, frowning. “They’re shocked you would fuck me.”

“Well, by the end of the day he was threatening to tell everyone all about the apparent wonders of your dick,” Trey said, “so at least the whole team understands my pain now.”

Aidan laughed. “Sorry,” he said.

Trey waved him off. “Anyway, I thought I’d clear out until dinner,” he said. “If you wanted to have sex without an audience for once.”

“Uh, thanks?” Aidan said. “But I’m going to enjoy a nice, private shower. Get all this damn dirt off.”

“Also valid,” Trey said. “Have fun.”

He left, the door clicking locked behind him. Aidan yanked off his shirt and threw it to the ground, then grabbed his binder and yanked that off, too. “Fucking hell,” Aidan said, scratching his chest. “That was too long in one binder.”

“Hey, you want me to get your back?” Richard asked.

On the one hand, that felt really intimate and kind of weird to let Richard do, but on the other hand, Aidan could not reach the itchiest parts of his back on his own. He shoved his suitcase to the foot of the bed and sat down with his back to Richard. “Please,” he said.

The mattress shifted as Richard moved over to sit behind Aidan. “My mom always asked my dad to scratch her back after workouts,” he said. “She said her sports bra was way worse than her regular bras for making her back itchy.” He ran the nails of both hands down either side of Aidan’s spine. Totally unable to help himself, Aidan moaned.

I spent my childhood scratching my mom and sister's backs after they took off their bras. Such an important part of being good friends to someone with boobs that require support, IMO. Also just like...the intimacy of this is so not sexual. Especially since Aidan is sweaty and feels gross right now. Although maybe that's my bias as someone who mostly did this for family members before I got married.

“More on the shoulder blades,” Aidan suggested.

Richard moved his hands up. “So, uh, sorry I didn’t tell Trey not to tell anyone,” he said.

“Hm?” It took Aidan a second to process that, lost as he was in the euphoria of having his itches relieved. “Oh. No, it’s okay. Like I said, I don’t care if people know I’m bi. And I mean, you heard them in the locker room, now they think I don’t change or shower with everyone because of you. That’s great for me. Not…as great for you, maybe.”

Richard was quiet for a minute. He moved his scratching down to the red mark the bottom of Aidan’s binder left, where it dug in. Eventually, Richard said, “It’s fine. Kind of weird, but whatever. It is strange to hear you’re giving out rave reviews of my dick, though.”

Aidan blushed even though Richard couldn’t see him. “You can’t be surprised by that,” he said. “Unless you think I’ve been faking it this whole time.”

Richard laughed. “No,” he admitted. He moved back up to Aidan’s shoulders. “I actually started wondering if some of the girls I was with before were faking. You know, in comparison.”

Aidan snorted. “Probably rude to assume,” he said. “I mean, if they said they liked it, I’d believe them.” Although he guessed it was possible some of them had been faking. Aidan would say this for having sex with someone just to get them to do what he wanted: he’d had no incentive to stroke Richard’s ego about how good he was making Aidan feel, which could very well have made Richard try harder. He hadn’t not tried to make it good for Aidan, at least.

“I guess,” Richard said. “Again, I don’t think any of them went around bragging about it.”

“It seemed like the best way to get a bunch of straight guys to stop asking questions about us,” Aidan said. “I don’t even have to lie.” He sighed, and stood up. “Thanks,” he said.

“No problem,” Richard said. He was looking up at Aidan with a weird expression on his face. Aidan wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe it had been a mistake to let Richard scratch his back after everything else that had happened today.

Aidan unzipped the pocket of his suitcase he had his clean binder in, then paused. He looked up at Richard. “You’re not going to be coming in and out of the room, right?” he asked.

“No,” Richard said, looking puzzled. “I was just going to sit here and watch stuff on my phone.”

Aidan nodded. “Then I’m going to leave my clothes out here,” he said. “I mean, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Richard grinned at him. “Yeah,” he said. He stopped leering and nodded his head at the bathroom. “I hate how moist my clothes get when I take them into hotel bathrooms. Even when they’re not wet, they’re, like, clammy.”

Richard is trying so hard to be Normal, I cannot deal with it

“Right?”

The water pressure in the hotel shower was crap, but the water heater was in no danger of running out of hot water. And again, this point could not be stressed enough: it was private. Aidan didn’t have to worry anyone would see him. Even on the other side of the door, there was only Richard, who already knew about him. Aidan had a long, adequate-to-satisfactory shower. He got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist and draped another one over his head, then brushed his teeth and moisturized. Hotel bathrooms never had decent bathmats, either. And the towels just got completely wet right away if you tried to use them as bathmats. No wonder their clothes always felt wet.

Hotel bathrooms never have decent bathmats. This must be some kind of law.

Aidan dried his hair and tossed that towel over the door of the shower stall. He went out into the room with just the towel around his waist. Richard looked up and let out a low whistle.

“Fuck off,” Aidan said, rolling his eyes. He put on clean underwear, then the jeans he’d worn to and from the school where they’d played. Those were clean enough, although he was planning to put on a fresh shirt. He thought his torso still wasn’t dry enough to try putting on his binder, so he rubbed himself down with the towel again.

“I don’t want to prove everyone right,” Richard drawled, “but I have to admit watching this isn’t not turning me on.”

Aidan rolled his eyes again. “Yeah, there’s nothing sexier than me desperately trying to dry my back,” he said.

“It makes your boobs jiggle,” Richard said, which Aidan had to admit was true.

The door opened. Aidan jumped and completely lost hold of the towel. He snatched up his binder and held it in front of his chest, like that was going to do anything now. Richard leapt to his feet on the other side of the bed, which was about as useful.

Trey slammed the door behind him and leaned on it, as though someone was going to follow him in. His eyes were so wide they looked like they’d pop right out of his head. “You’re a girl?” he exclaimed, in the exact incredulous tone Richard had shouted those words in.

“Don’t be stupid,” Richard snapped, “of course he’s not a girl!”

Despite himself, Aidan laughed. “What the fuck,” he said. “Since when do you believe that?”

Richard flushed and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted when Trey said from the door, “Oh, are you one of those, uh, people who was born in the wrong body?”

Aidan grimaced. He kind of hated that phrasing, because Aidan mostly liked his body. Even the parts of it that other people thought made him a girl were fine, on their own. Binding was more annoying than having boobs, honestly, but people wouldn’t treat him like a guy if he didn’t do it. But that was also still the main narrative cis people heard, and the only one they really seemed to understand. If Trey didn’t remember the word transgender, he reached for the definition he had in his head. Aidan said, “Yeah, I’m trans.”

I try not to soapbox too much when I'm writing, but it's so hard to know what people will or won't know about trans people, even writing for a primarily queer audience. This is definitely happening after I was in high school, because Richard talks about watching something on his phone, which was only barely possible when I graduated. I think this part also establishes, if less definitely, that it must be happening closer to its 2023 publication date than the 2005-2009 period I was in high school. Obviously I don't know if anyone at my high school was trans and stealth, but I do know the openly trans kids were generally the ones who either couldn't be closeted or had way too much dysphoria to stand it. Aidan doesn't have that much physical dysphoria (or at least has figured out how to manage it by the time the story happens) but he clearly has enough social dysphoria to lead him to being stealth. I figure he got lucky, relatively speaking, with boobs that bind flat enough to pass and a figure that doesn't immediately scream "my endocrine system was estrogen-dominant during a crucial period of physical development", but I did also make sure to establish really early on that he's on period-halting birth control and his physical dysphoria causes sexual problems for him. I try not to give every character just the exact relationship to their body and dysphoria that I or my wife have, because while that is obviously easier for me to write, I don't want to contribute to any ideas about there being a right or normal way to be trans. Aidan has different dysphoria than me even though I'm drawing a lot on my own experiences as someone who was assigned female at birth but was never entirely comfortable with it. It doesn't come up in this story, although I might write a little extra about it, but Aidan is not on testosterone during the story. I would have to do research about how exactly it works, but I'm in the USA, and I wrote this from the assumption it's set in the USA, so in the back of my head was the idea that Aidan's parents' insurance won't cover transition stuff before he's 18. I guess it's possible they also wouldn't cover it before he was 16, and he didn't want to draw attention to himself by starting second puberty in the middle of everyone else's first puberty. Richard absolutely thinks Aidan is on testosterone, because he's like "well this is what trans guys do and Aidan passes, therefore". Aidan is going to roast him about how stupid that is when Richard knows damn well that Aidan does not have to shave his face. The other stuff is in comparison, so Richard gets a pass on, eg, Aidan having a smaller clit and a higher voice, but facial hair growth is usually a pretty early development in testosterone puberty and Richard should have noticed that Aidan literally never has any stubble.

Unfortunately, at the same time, Richard snapped at Trey, “Don’t be insensitive, that’s an outdated way of talking about it.”

Growing up, I didn't know about my dad's lesbian best friend, I just knew he made lots of gay jokes. I'm pretty sure I learned the word dyke from my dad throwing it around in what I'm sure he thought was a jocular manner that was fine because Denise said it. But when my wife came out to him, he did a hard 180 on her (he had previously stopped liking her the instant it became clear we were dating) and sent her an excessively girly gift as...a coming out present? I guess? (Except he was a boomer and it was 2014, so he sent her a My Little Pony t-shirt. He tried, is my point.) Anyway I'm sure that's where my soft spot for people being aggressively progressive about things they themselves have been shitty about comes from. Sometimes it's hard to understand that context changes how things are received, especially if they're not the kind of person who thinks too much about the actual meaning of their words. I do think it also makes a nice change from the, like, soft progressivism. How soapboxy can it be when the guy snapping about misgendering is also cussing and rude the whole time? Anyway anyway: Richard clearly did a lot of research if he got in deep enough to see people talking about the "trapped in the wrong body" narrative being problematic and outdated. And still, he did not tell Aidan this. A fool.

“Are you kidding me?” Aidan demanded. “You’re telling someone not to be insensitive? You decided I was a girl the second you saw me naked, too! And then argued with me about it!” With one hand, he gestured at the door, which Trey was still leaning against like it or he would fall over otherwise. “At least Trey didn’t demand to fuck me!”

“Dude,” Trey said, and frowned at Richard, “what the hell.”

“Shut up, you did the same thing,” Richard said. He was blushing again.

“Screw you, no I did not,” Trey said. “Even if Aidan was a girl I wouldn’t demand sex with her! Who does that?”

“Okay, yeah, I guess that was fucked up,” Richard said.

“You guess?” Aidan and Trey both asked.

Richard threw his hands in the air. “Okay, it was definitely fucked up, but it worked out okay!” He pointed at Trey. “And you’re not gonna tell anyone about Aidan, right? You can tell this is a fucking secret, I hope.”

“Of course I won’t tell anyone,” Trey said, frowning. “What do you mean, it worked out okay? Aidan,” Trey said, looking at him, suddenly alarmed, “if you want to tell Coach or someone that Richard was, like, taking advantage of you, I’ll back you up.”

Trey belatedly realizing this situation is sus and panicking that he shouldn't have taken it in stride.

“If I was going to do that, it would be better to talk about it not in front of him,” Aidan pointed out. “But I’m not–it’s fine.”

Trey looked skeptical. “If you say so,” he said.

Aidan grabbed his binder from where he’d dropped it when he was yelling at Richard. “I mean, I think we…have some stuff to talk about,” he said. “But you don’t need to be here for that.” He started the process of pulling his binder back on.

“Yeah, why did you come back early anyway?” Richard asked.

Trey blinked and looked around the room. “Oh,” he said. “I left my wallet here. I was going to give Mark money for pizza.”

“Oh, do you think I can get in on that?” Aidan asked. He yanked on the bottom of his binder to get it down where it was most comfortable.

“Sure,” Trey said. He was not looking at Aidan in a way that felt unfortunately pointed, but Aidan guessed that was better than staring. “I mean, if he hasn’t already ordered.”

“It’s only been a few minutes, I’m sure it’s fine,” Aidan said. He turned around to dig his wallet out of his backpack. He heard Trey cross the room to go through his stuff as well. Richard sat back down on the edge of the bed, where he’d been when Trey opened the door.

When Aidan walked around the bed to meet Trey and give him the cash, Trey glanced over at Richard. He asked Aidan quietly, “You sure you’ll be okay if I leave you alone?”

Aidan made an effort not to roll his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. He understood where Trey was coming from, but it was…Aidan didn’t know what it was, but it had been a long time since he didn’t feel safe around Richard. Richard never had hurt him, or even threatened him directly. Aidan apparently had no clue what was going on in Richard’s head, but he was less worried about being alone with him than ever. Maybe that was foolish. But nothing had changed for him since he reassured Mark earlier that day.

When Trey was gone, Aidan turned to Richard, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed. “Okay, first of all,” Aidan said, “since when do you actually believe I’m a guy?”

Richard blushed and looked away. “Since like…the second week we were doing it,” he said. “I got curious and looked up some of the stuff you said online, and…yeah.”

“What the hell,” Aidan said. Thinking back, Aidan guessed it was true Richard hadn’t said nearly as much gendered bullshit after the first few times. Aidan had still been expecting it for weeks afterward, and been on edge about it the whole time, but Richard hadn’t actually called Aidan a girl again. Of course, he also hadn’t said anything to imply he understood Aidan was a guy until last night, when he called Aidan a faggot. Aidan asked, “Why didn’t you say something? Jesus, Richard, half the reason I didn’t want to fuck you is because I thought you thought I was a girl!”

“I thought if you knew I believed you, you wouldn’t let me keep having sex with you,” Richard said, his shoulders up around his ears.

Aidan stared at him. At least it looked like Richard knew he’d messed up. Aidan shook his head and asked, “Why would you believing me when I said I wasn’t a girl change the fact that I didn’t want other people to know? I agreed to have sex with you so you’d keep your mouth shut.”

“I don’t know!” Richard exclaimed. “I wasn’t thinking straight, I just knew I’d somehow managed to get you to–” He snapped his mouth closed on whatever he had been about to say. He started again. “I worried if I said anything,” he said, “you’d realize this was stupid.”

He didn't want to say he'd somehow managed to get Aidan to fuck him, because that sounds bad. Because it was bad!

Aidan rolled his eyes. He walked back to his side of the bed and pulled his clean shirt on. “I already knew it was stupid,” he said. “But it’s slightly less stupid if you’re not thinking I’m a girl the whole time.”

“That’s not true,” Richard said. He looked over his shoulder at Aidan and laughed. “Aidan, it’s so stupid. I’m so stupid.”

“Well, yeah,” Aidan said, adjusting his shirt. “But, you know, on the bright side, you’re a good lay.”

Ani Mosity stories: yes your personality is atrocious, but you're good in bed, so it's kind of a wash tbh

Richard laughed again, sounding a little manic. He dropped his head and put his face in his hands. “Okay,” he said. “Can I–can we start over?”

“What?” Aidan asked.

“Ugh, no,” Richard muttered, “I’m doing this all wrong. At least I can’t get it worse this time, I guess.” He sat up and turned to look at Aidan. He was blushing again. “I already had a crush on you,” he said. “That’s why I was such an asshole all the time. I didn’t–I didn’t realize that’s what it was until that time in the locker room. And then I thought you were a girl and I realized I had a crush on you, except then you weren’t a girl but I couldn’t convince myself I didn’t have that crush on you. And the whole time you were letting me fuck you and it seemed like, you know, you didn’t hate it. So I decided if I didn’t say anything it was fine, because, like…at least you’d keep having sex with me.”

After a moment, Aidan said, “Wow. No, you’re right, that’s very stupid.”

“I know,” Richard moaned. “I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. “I won’t tell anyone if you want to stop. I mean, I won’t tell anyone no matter what. That you’re transgender. I don’t know if it makes sense to not tell anyone we’re not hooking up anymore. And, well.” He waved at the outer wall of the hotel room, indicating the walkway. “I don’t think I’m gonna convince anyone we weren’t hooking up.”

Aidan let out a deep breath. “Thank god,” he said.

Richard looked over at him as he sat down on the bed next to Richard. “Huh?”

“Trey was worried just now because it would be really stupid to keep fucking someone who was blackmailing me,” Aidan said. “But if you’re not blackmailing me anymore, then it’s way less stupid to keep fucking you.”

Richard frowned, confused but hopeful. “You don’t want to stop?”

“I mean, we just established I enjoy sex with you enough to use it as a weapon against nosy people,” Aidan said. “So I guess the question is, do you want to just keep hooking up, or do you want to go out with me?”

Richard’s mouth fell open. “You would date me? After all this?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Aidan said, “it’s totally about the sex for me. But even when you were blackmailing me, you were, like. Less shitty than you could have been. You know, helping me in and out of my binder and stuff. So why not? You already said you like me.”

“I do,” Richard said. “Fuck, Aidan,” he said, turning to face him and grabbing Aidan’s hands, “I’ll be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had. I swear I’ll be less of a stupid asshole.”

“You’ll be the only boyfriend I’ve ever had,” Aidan said. He could feel himself blushing again. He was used to Richard being handsy and kind of smug about it. He wasn’t used to Richard being earnest. Even at practice, Richard was usually more snarky than sincere. It was disarming, as well as cute.

“Really?” Richard asked. He looked pleased.

“I mean, I had a girlfriend in middle school, if middle school dating even counts,” Aidan said. They hadn’t done more than kiss. Aidan hadn’t been out then–hadn’t really known he was trans beyond vague discomfort with the idea of being a “young woman”–but Melissa talked a lot about how hot butches and cross-dressers were. That had been Aidan’s introduction to the idea that people could play with gender for reasons other than sex. He and Melissa went to a dance once in matching dress shirts and ties.

- The idea of middle school wlw attending a dance in matching suits is very cute. I bet Melissa is also not cis!

“I feel like if my middle school girlfriend ever found out I said it didn’t, she’d appear out of nowhere and wring my neck,” Richard said. He leaned over, taking one of his hands off Aidan’s and putting it on his jaw. It was surreal, to have Richard kiss him gently like this. Even when he’d thought Aidan was a girl, he had been too horned up to bother being gentle.

Richard's middle school relationship was tsundere-for-tsundere.

It made Aidan perversely turned on. Or maybe he was just used to only having sex with Richard. Either way, he pulled away, then swung his leg over Richard’s lap to straddle him. He stooped down to kiss Richard again.

A little while later, Aidan pulled back just enough to ask, “How long do you think we have before Trey gets back?”

Of course, that was when the lock beeped, and the door scraped open. Aidan slumped in Richard’s lap. Richard murmured, “Not long.”

“Oh, great,” Trey said, closing the door behind him. “So talking about things just made you horny again.”

“It is our god-given right as teenagers to be horny all the time,” Aidan said, craning his neck to see Trey.

“What are you, some kind of homophobe?” Richard asked. “I’m not allowed to make out with my own boyfriend?” Yeah, Aidan already found the hypocrisy endearing instead of obnoxious. Was he that easily swayed by good sex or did he just have bad taste?

“Good lord, this trip has been a nightmare,” Trey said. He walked over to his bed and grabbed his hoodie off of it. “Joey wanted to do a movie night after the pizza got here, so I can give you two hours alone, and if you have sex while I’m in the room after that I’m going to smother you with your pillows.”

“Sounds fair,” Richard said.

“You are a lion among men,” Aidan said to Trey over his shoulder. “A diamond in the rough.”

“You sound like you’re drunk,” Trey said, rolling his eyes. “Is the sex that good?” He shook his head. “Don’t answer that. Just keep it in your pants until the pizza gets here.”

“Thank you!” Aidan climbed out of Richard’s lap, because he didn’t trust either of them if he stayed there. He looked at Richard from beside him. “You should eat dinner before that, then.”

“Yeah,” Richard said, looking back at Aidan. He started blushing again, and Aidan couldn’t imagine why. Then Richard asked, “Will you walk with me?”

“This might actually be worse than hearing you have sex,” Trey muttered.

Aidan laughed. “This is at least partially your fault,” he said, leaning over to grab his shoes.

“You must know that makes it worse,” Trey said.

“Sucks to suck,” Richard said. Yeah, Aidan probably needed to resign himself to the idea he had bad taste.

Still, once they both had their shoes and jackets on, Aidan followed Richard out of the hotel room. Richard hesitated a moment, then reached out for Aidan’s hand. Aidan took it, and they walked through the hotel and down the street to the Taco Bell, holding hands the whole way.

Teen romance can be complicated, and teen romance can be holding hands while you walk to a fast food joint. This was not a story I had trouble ending! It happened sooner than I expected, as you may be able to tell by the fact that it is under 10k words, but I feel good about the tight time-frame everything happens in. We don't need to see the months of having weird transactional sex, we just need to see the effects of it, with both boys being comfortable with each other, and Richard clearly being more into Aidan than Aidan realizes. Once someone else knows about it and starts asking questions, there's no reason to draw it out.

#blackmail boyfriend #fic dvd commentary

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songmingisthighs · 1 year

Text

WHY I WENT MIA

spoiler alert : it's not alien abduction

tw : everything triggering, read at your own risk

so i almost comitted suicide several times around the 24th-25th

it all began when i was a child but we don't have time for that crap so i'm gonna cut to the chase.

Recently things has been pretty hard for me with financial issues and stress over what the fuck i'm doing with my life, not to mention the ridiculous pressure my parents put on me (in a way that i had told them would not be effective on me as it would just cause me harm esp to my mental health that both my parents, esp my mom, decide to ignore) and my extended family, and what i want, and it was all just ridiculous. Not to mention something specific happened recently that kinda just made me gave up because it felt like a betrayal, abandonment, and the way it happened was just so absolutely unfair and out of the blue like i wasn't even informed of what happened until i seek for answers myself. It was just horrible and i was really going to go through with it. I had suicide notes ready and everything and i could've decided to do it on the 23rd but it was yunho's birthday and i wasn't gonna miss that so my options were on the 24th or 25th bc my parents were gone and had anything happened, i wouldn't be rushed to the hospital.

I was alone and i felt alone despite having one last friend to talk to but that friend was just sooooo so so so far away and idk it felt hopeless. It wasn't until i accidentally hinted to someone about what i was gonna do and they figured it out and after a whole shenanadoodles (at first this person was like "i can't be selfish, i can't keep you here because who tf am i?") and some words used on me, that person accidentally canceled my self destruction. It was literally something that no one had ever said to me in a sense of the intention and the words used. It was literally "you can't go anywhere now, you're staying to write for me" and it wasn't the sentiment that i HAVE to live for this person now, but it was the fact that i was given a purpose. this person wanted me and they have plans for me and that gave me an immediate feeling of security. It's so stupid, i know but it happened. That was what happened and i'm still at shock because that person said they didn't even know that it would work.

if someone goes to you, telling you they wanna end their life, i implore you to NEVER say "don't do it, but i'm not gonna stop you". because that kinda feels like you don't care and by god, this person is already suicidal now you're telling them that YOU wouldn't care whether or not they leave ???????

i can't speak for other people with suicidal tendencies or behaviour but i'm so glad to have the friends that i have rn. I used to say i don't have much friends but oh my god after being open about this, i realized how many friends i have and how easy it is to ask someone to be your friend.

I'm sharing this to not upset anyone but because i want my blog to be a very transparent and open space. I don't feel normal because i don't see people sharing about their experience esp with suicidal behaviour and/or tendencies bc it's a taboo and it's potentially triggering. that's why i don't feel normal and it makes me think that since i'm not welcomed, i'm not like anyone, i should just not be here. Someone told me to remove myself from uncomfortable situations and i took it to a whole new level. It didn't occur to me how much people cared for me and seriously, i'm just so very thankful. I know i have a long way to go and i'm gonna have more hardships to come, but right now i feel like the people who i have around me can help me even by just doing stupid shit like sending ateez pics or telling a random annecdote or even frantically trying to find a topic that can distract me.

this space that i have created is a safe space. I personally don't get triggered by other people's experience but i get it. honestly, i want to make a safe, open space for people but i just don't know how to. but that's basically what happened to me this past week.

to everyone who are still with me today, i want to thank all of you so much and while i don't know how to thank each of you privately or directly, i just want you to know i love you so much. God the love i received these past couple of days has just been making my heart feel full and honestly it kinda feels like i'm gonna pee. but eh what do i know.

#smt tmi #smt rant #tw #read at your own discretion

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pebblysand · 2 years

Note

Hi!!! Happy travels! (is that thing in French or English?) soooo, I see you're going to read Evelyn Hugo, and this is my official request that when you finish it you come back here and give your opinions on it! I have A LOT of feelings/opinions about it, but I'd like to hear from you! Have a nice day!

hey anon! thank you! i don't think "happy travels" is a saying per se, but the french is "good travels", so i get what you mean <3.

okay so i'd actually started evelyn hugo this summer, and finished the rest on the plane yesterday, so i'm happy to report back! spoilers below the cut.

i gave it a 4/5 in my own little book rating system, and overall, i really, really liked it.

what i loved:

i loved how queer it was (which i wasn't expecting), but also how realistic it was in terms of queer stigma - not only with its time, but also with the film industry in general. i loved the conversation where one of them is like "elton john's been out for years" and the other one is like "yeah, elton john isn't living off his straight sex appeal though." it's kind of true. say a male-gaze beauty icon like megan fox was to come out as gay, i'm not sure she'd be as marketable, etc. so, in sum, i loved that aspect of the book. i loved the struggle everyone experiences with the sexuality, and how hard being in the closet also is, lying to everyone all the time. i thought this was great.

i also loved the way the book deals with the passage of time, and the phenomenon of getting old, especially in the public eye. i love how it blurs over whole sections of evelyn's life, in a "life just happened" sort of way, because that's also the truth, isn't it? years just pass sometimes.

i also very much loved (i think this might actually be my favourite thing about the book) how much value it puts on friendship, and chosen families, rather than biological families. i thought this was very unusual and refreshing, in adult literature. children's literature often puts a lot of value on friendship, then it all becomes about romance, and what the fuck do these people do with their friends, you know? and i felt like the relationship between harry and evelyn in this book was every bit as important as her relationship with celia, and treated with the same level of care and respect, which i very much appreciated. the fact that the happiest time in evelyn's life seems to be when they were all living in manhattan together felt so very precious. i frankly started bawling (in public, on the plane lmao) when harry died, and didn't stop until connor died. that's also perhaps something i wasn't expecting about this book. it is sad.

what i loved... less:

the reason why this book is a 4 ⭐️ and not a 5 ⭐️ is two-fold.

first, whilst it was well-written (and, if i ever manage to write an original work of fiction to this level, i will be very happy), the style didn't make me go "wow". the prose was great, it was lively and definitely enjoyable, but it didn't have the jaw-dropping factor i sometimes find in novels like incendiary or normal people. those are my five-stars, and this just wasn't to that level.

second, and most importantly, i just didn't like the end. i felt like the final reveal fell... flat? at least, for me. if the story of monique's father was going to be the front and centre of her relationship with evelyn, i would have wanted more... context? on her life, on her parents? i feel like if that was going to be The Story, then why spent all that time on her failing marriage? when the reveal happened, i was like "wait, who is james grant?" 😆. i just wasn't as shocked as i feel i should have been. i feel like this part of the story was unnecessary, didn't really answer anything, and if the gayness of her own father was going to be the question, then this reveal should have occurred maybe mid-book, and given monique more time to react to it/sort it out? idk. i just felt like the evelyn story was so beautiful and intense, it could have stood on its own, without that final reveal.

additionally, i'm a bit annoyed that nothing was said about the way that monique seemed to think moving the body in the car was Perfectly Okay until she found out the dead guy was her father, at which point she freaked? i would have loved for her to have a conversation with evelyn (or at leats it be addressed somehow) about how morally reprehensible actions against people you don't know, often feel a lot more justifiable than morally reprehensible actions against people you do know. this was totally not addressed, and it frankly pissed me off.

so yeah, overall, i really liked the book, but it had its flaws. but i'm curious, what are your thoughts? ❤️

#the seven husbands of evelyn hugo #asked and answered

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mystical-blaise · 3 years

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Some hot takes on Feysand Pregnancy

Okay. Here goes. So, I've read a lot of mixed reviews on the Feysand baby situation that occurred in ACOSF, most of them in the negative. So, I'm here to offer counterpoints. She's too young. Hasn't lived her life yet. But, hasn't she? She practically raised herself, took care of her family for years before she moved to Prythian. Just because someone is "young" doesn't mean they aren't "old." Goes the other way as well (the bat boys are over 500 years and still do and say some pretty dumb, immature shit). Age is truly relative in adulthood IMO. And, let's remember, Feyre's view on this point of having a baby changed in the series. She told Rhys she wasn't ready in ACOMAF. Then you have the war with Hybern where she LOST him, only to be brought back. So, you see her in ACOFAS contemplate a family when she sees art from the widow in the Rainbow. She realized, though the fae are practically immortal, tomorrow isn't promised. The war and understanding this changed her perspective on wanting to start a family now instead of wait. And, don't forget, they live a thousand years; this time to enjoy their child is just a drop in the bucket. Full disclosure, my mom had me at 21, was married at 20. 3 kids by 30 and she and my dad are living their best lives because we were out the door when they are still young-ish. Oh, and my dad is 6 years older and way less mature (still is LOL). So, whether a character (or RL person for this matter) decides to have them younger or wait until they are old, that's their choice. In this case, I can see why Feyre changed her mind. Now, this is where I get annoyed... :ahem: having a baby does NOT mean you stop living your life. Does not mean you aren't allowed to be a badass or have a job. If you generally just don't like pregnancies in books, fine, but good gods the number of times I've read complaints as if Feyre is just going to sit on her ass. Just don't. Plus, WE ALL KNEW THIS WAS COMING! We've known since ACOMAF and the meeting with the Bone Carver they would have a son. I'm just saying. And let's not forget the most important part here; Feyre made a CHOICE to start trying for a baby. Feysand were selfish in their deal to die together. This I can agree with. Their death pact is a little much and I get that the trauma of each of them having lived and witness the other die was a little much. I didn't agree with it (much like how I would never get a name tattooed on me). It was a dumbass, impulsive move done out of emotion on both their parts that SJM clearly romanticized. However, I don't think they planned for the pregnancy wing complication to occur, so the risk of her dying in childbirth was probably relative before they decided to fuck junk out, wings out. But, I mean... also real life? You can have kids and be in the same car in an accident. At least Feysand has a good support system around them where, if they did leave, Nyx would be raised by a family that would comfort and love him. The birth scene in ACOSF was overdramatic and just a way to add Feysand into a Nessian book. IDK why no one thought that Feysand wouldn't have some part in a Nessian book but, yeah, it was a little overdramatic. However, there has to be a reason SJM made sure Nyx had wings when he was born. I'm sure we'll see him deal with Illyria and stuff as he gets older. She wouldn't go through all of that for it not to be important at some point. Rhysand was wrong to keep the wings from Feyre. Yes. That's a duh. I get that he didn't want to stress her out, didn't want her to worry. But still, dick move. But also, WTF Madja?! What kind of healer wouldn't mention that or the risks TO THEIR PATIENT. I don't like healthcare in the Night Court. Nope.

#feyre acotar #feyre archeron #feysand #feyre x rhysand #rhysand acotar #rhysand #acosf #nyx acotar #a court of silver flames #acotar #acomaf #acofas #a court of thorns and roses #acowar #a court of wings and ruin #a court of mist and fury

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starrrbakerrr · 2 years

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I'm still a flashback warrior at episode 2x12 when Miss Jenn asks "Are you happy?'' WHY does he look at the corridor for like 5 minutes? He definitely had a conversation with Ej or Gina there

I am still holding out for a flashback, it would be everything. I rewatched the scene you mentioned and I see it. There are two quotes Ricky said that stuck out to me: "No one should be able to tell who they can or can't take a chance on." and "Here's to second chances."

First I want to mention that the scene leads to a very symbolic song - "Second Chances." I think it's symbolic because when they are all standing on stage there is a stage light between Ricky and Gina. This is a small detail and there's no way it was random, especially when you think about in the making of a TV show every line, scene, and set has a purpose. I think the light between them signaled to the audience that Rina's story wasn't over. There was still that connection, light, and spark between them.

I can see the flashback happening more with Gina than with EJ. There are so many sections their conversation could occur in the episode. If they want to mirror 2x06 then it could have happened after Ricky and Nini read their letters to each other. Like once again Gina walks into the dressing room after Nini leaves. But this time Ricky is single and Gina is the one in a (potential) relationship. I think Ricky would start/want to tell Gina how he feels, that he likes her but then Gina talks about EJ. Ricky can sees her focus on EJ and steps back to let her see that relationship through. That could also be why he went to Lily, because he knew the Gina thing wasn't going to happen now.

(As I was writing this I remembered the "can we start over scene?" in 3x02, which assumes they haven't talked in months, and idk maybe the flashback was with EJ, but I don't really see what they could have talked about that would reveal that Ricky likes Gina because EJ was ready to walk away until Gina came back.)

Anyway, whatever it is, I hope we get a flashback or at least Ricky explaining his feelings, like when did he start feeling this deeply for her, etc. It would end the claim that his "feelings came out of nowhere" because we already know they didn't. He's been feeling them for a long time because baby boy was crying over her in the fetal position.

#dude stop #you don't know the full story #I just need something that's not or like come on Tim give me anything #rina #hsmtmts #ricky x gina #gina x ricky #ricky bowen #gina porter #ask

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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

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sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

#rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan screams into the void #rowan views moriarty #sherlock holmes

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captains-price · 3 years

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I’ve been on AO3, reading the same 3-4 bottom Karl fics that are there! (It’s really SO sad how little there is)

Let’s play some more on Ethan dragging Karl off to a shadowed part of the village to pull that cockring off. If he’s willing to do that in a public space then what else is he willing to do?

Anything, of course. He would love the thrill of being tucked away somewhere with Karl that anyone could come across. Behind a house, tucked in the back of a barn, in the confessional of their church. He would be eager to drag Karl away at a moments notice and get his hands and mouth on him; turning it into a game of sorts. How much can he do and get away with before Karl can’t hold his noises back anymore?

Pinning Karl against a wall behind a villagers house and fingering him until his legs give out; having Karl fall to his knees in the church confessional and suck his cock while a sermon is going on; pulling Karl out of the factory and to the center of the village in the middle of the night to spread him out and fuck him at the base of the fountain. Hell, he would even push him to his hands and knees in the graveyard if he was in the mood. Anywhere where they risk someone walking by. Ethan knows no one would call them out on it if they did see them (The leader of the village and one of his Lords? They wouldn't dare) but he loves how red Karl gets every time and how hard he tries at keeping himself quiet.

Chris though? Chris likes to play hunter and prey. He loves the thrill of hunting Karl down wherever he is and getting the drop on him. Sometimes there is a fight, which only gets the blood pumping, but in the end Chris would pin his prize down and get to have his way with him.

His favorite is when Karl isn't even in the village, but checking up on the lycans in the surrounding forest. That is when he gets to have the most fun. Karl knows the instant Chris has set his sights on him, feeling that thrilling tingle run down his back, prey knowing instinctively that a predator is eyeing them from the shadows. That is when he runs. Darting through the trees as quickly as he can, heart hammering like a jackrabbit when he hears Chris' deep baritone laughing as he gives chase.

The only light the two men have is the moon, but it's more than enough for them and Chris never loses sight of Karl even once. Sometimes he draws it out, letting the smaller man think that he's gotten away or that he's tripped Chris up, but it always ends the same way: Karl tackled down to the forest floor with Chris holding his hands down with one hand, the other tugging hard on his hair to yank his head back and bare his neck in submission.

And Chris can wait. He rides out the kicks and the snapping teeth and the punches to his chest and shoulders; he is a boulder, unmoving and resolute as Karl wears himself out before going limp with a defeated whimper and spreading his legs so Chris can claim his prize.

After those nights Karl would go home the next morning covered in bites, bruises and dirt but feeling oh-so satisfied.

And more on Karl switching up who he sleeps with! I can see in the beginning that he doesn't even tell the two men what he's doing. Ethan is tender when he wants to be, but it's not like they're dating or have confessed anything to one another (but god does Karl want to, he just doesn't want to ruin things between them in case Ethan doesn't feel the same.) (He is a fool, of course Ethan feels the same) so he's free to sleep with whoever he wants. He would think that he's keeping it from the both of them, but Ethan and Chris would figure it out real fast. It's not like it's a big village and Karl turning up in their beds with marks they didn't give him would be major hints.

At first they both think that Karl found someone unknown to sleep with and they're jealous. Who else would he go to for what they can give him themselves? It would take one night of drinking for them to realize that they're both talking about Karl. After that it's easy to agree to share and confront Karl about it. That would be the first time that they all sleep together. (Later on Ethan takes Karl back to his home and confesses his feelings for him. Karl almost cries when he's told that he's loved and wanted and happily tells Ethan that he loves him as well)

The first time they manage double penetration is a few weeks after they started sharing Karl in bed. Ethan had been training him for it by having him take bigger and bigger dildos, often keeping them inside of Karl all night long to help his body get used to the stretch and burn. Chris' method was slipping in a finger or two alongside his cock whenever he fucked Karl; something that always sent the smaller man over the edge and had him begging for more.

The night they actually attempted it Ethan had bought two new bottles of lube and started the night off with one of his favorite pastimes by opening Karl up with his tongue and fingers, making sure he was easily taking four before having him lay on Chris back to front and have Chris slide into him and hold Karl close while Ethan gently worked his fingers in alongside Chris' cock. It took time and patience, but in the end Ethan had four fingers in and Karl was struggling not to come all over himself, begging and sobbing for more.

The hardest part was Ethan sliding in alongside Chris. Not because of pain, but because Karl just couldn't stay still. In the end Ethan had to gather his wrists and pin them to Karl's chest while Chris held Karl under his thighs and kept him spread and still while Ethan fucked into him.

This was the best way to wake up lmao thank you and I’m sorry I just now managed to get around to replying!

And I know! It’s literally insane to me how little content there is, at this point I’m about ready to write it myself but this does give me serotonin for now

Dude I love thinking about the different ways Karl would get fucked and how slutty he would become and Ethan dragging him to multiple places out in the open and making him shake in pleasure has got me WEAK

I like to think that because Karl is so inexperienced with sex as a whole before Ethan that it didn’t even occur to him that sex in public would be something so exciting until they were having dinner out in the village one time(do you think there are communal places to eat there? Idk, there are now) and Ethan started groping him under the table, making karl choke and start spitting up his water he happened to be sipping on. He was immediately turning red and looking around to make sure no one saw but Ethan is sitting next to him with not a care in the world and looking so smug, and then he continues to feel him up.

Karl would normally never care about making a scene in public but since the death of Miranda he’s sorta been trying to redeem his reputation as one of the four lords in the village, so he doesn’t want his new villagers to know that Ethan is driving him wild with his a hand rubbing his inner thigh and grazing his dick. And the place is not even that crowded, but Karl still bites his lower lip hard enough to draw blood so the server and possibly even chef won’t know what’s going on.

He can’t help but let out a few sounds here and there, anytime rubs his dick a little longer and harder than usual, which Ethan would eat up. He’s so smug about how well he has Karl under his thumb and it’s radiating off him. At one point, Ethan leans in close to tell Karl what a good boy he’s being and bites his ear, and Karl really can’t help but let out a whimper at that point and nearly comes right there but he manages to stamp it down, still too embarrassed at the thought of coming in public. He does hear Ethan talk to somebody, maybe someone asking if Karl is okay, if they’re done with their food(he hopes so much that they are so the torture will end), or some other kind of lame thing he doesn’t care about, either way, he can’t make out their words, too blissed out to pay any mind to.

After what feels like an eternity, Ethan leans back close to his ear, once again singing his praises(did I mention i feel like Karl has a praise kink, cause I think he would), saying that he’s being so good and keeping his sounds down so no one but Ethan gets to hear his moans. But then Ethan changes it up by trying to let his sounds out, now rubbing harder and faster, because wouldn’t he like to put on a show for the villagers? Let them know how pretty he sounds and exactly who it is that he lets fuck him? Maybe even let one of them join in because Karl is such a cockslut after all

And then Karl comes, letting out the barest hint of a moan, not enough to be suspicious but louder than he would have liked. Ethan turns his head to kiss him deep for a minute or two, and then he pulls away, he licks up the blood on Karl’s lower lip and Karl feels like he could come again just from that, but settles for whimpering again instead. So now, sex in public is a thing they do and Ethan loves it, so does Karl but he has a harder time admitting it lol

I love the thought of Chris playing hunter and prey with him though!

I like to think that that was how they started sleeping together lol Chris just showing up at his factory and Karl actually thought that he came to try and arrest or kill him again but Chris didn’t even know why he ended up at his factory until they broke out in a fight and Chris managed to pin him down with his wrists above his head and in between his legs, he saw how heavily Karl was breathing and how flushed he became(most likely because of their fight but it’s hard to focus either way) and the next thing they knew, Chris was kissing him senseless and grinding his hips against his. They have fast and hard sex and Karl has a hard time hiding his limp and explaining this marks to Ethan when he sees him again.

And then it just continues like that, Ethan getting him on most nights for either slow, long, and maddening rounds of sex or the kinkiest shit imaginable that has Karl feeling it in his lower back for days after. And then the nights scattered throughout the week where he’s in his factory or in town or the woods alone working on one of his many projects and he’ll suddenly get a feeling of being watched and he knows Chris is around.

Karl likes to think he gives as good as he gets and doesn’t make it easy for Chris to catch him, giving a good chase until they’re both breathing heavily with lungs on fire. Karl loves that especially, shows that Chris is not quite the super soldier he makes himself out to be and even though Chris still thrusts into him like he’s trying to fuck him through the earth, karl feels like he’s the one who wins in the end.

Some nights, Chris catches him quicker, almost immediately and he’ll tease Karl about, going a bit slower since he still has all his stamina but just as hard as always. He’ll say things like if Karl really wanted to, he could just use his metal to get Chris off him and then get away. But he never does. Not once in their chases does he use his metal, only his own physical abilities, and that’s how Chris knows he wants to get caught, that he’s secretly hoping to get pushed down, used like a sex doll, and powerless for once. It’s not like he isn’t strong, but he didn’t want the powers in the first place and so for a while he can just pretend Chris really can tie him down and fuck him good. Chris’s words always go straight to his dick and he comes quicker and more often on those nights.

And then the double penetration comes and Karl realizes just what a size queen he is. They don’t do it every night since Karl needs some time to recover the following day, it’s almost becomes a thing they save for special occasions and Karl begs for it every time.

The thing is, Ethan has Chris beaten in length but Chris has such a thick girth that it made them all a bit weary to try double penetration at first. But when Karl started taking bigger and bigger dildos and still begging for more, they knew he could handle it.

It ends up being easiest to have Chris enter him first after Ethan takes his time to open him up, that way, they get the biggest thing out of the way first and can just work in some fingers alongside Chris’s cock. When Ethan enters too, Karl is letting out choked sobs and moans at the feeling of being so full but he’s also pretty sure he’s in heaven.

They used a pretty generous amount of lube in the prep work and added even more when they start moving, which helps pretty well with the pace they set, which just so happens to be, different

While Chris fucks him, he does it as fast and hard as always but makes sure every thrust hits his prostate exactly which drives him insane, but Ethan is more measured with his thrusts, going as deep as he can and then rolling his hips to grind against Karl’s ass. The twin sensations of being fucked at such different paces has Karl’s chest heaving and screaming and begging for release. Which they do grant him but after like, an hour. It’s the hardest Karl comes in recent memory.

Karl pretty much loses his voice afterward so Ethan and Chris shush him and kiss him sweetly when he tries to say something and work out what he needs in a different way. And of course, because I am a sucker for proper aftercare, Chris carries him to the bath(quite a large bath and built into the floor, big enough to fit all three of them comfortably, nothing but the best for one of the lords) and they both take their time to wash the come and sweat off him and then carry him back to bed after, Karl in between them, and they take their much needed rest.

#this is more than I’ve written for anything in like 2 months so I thank you for getting my creative juices flowing again #mine #resident evil #tw nswf

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restlesstheoryqfab · 4 years

Conversation

text | LivQuinn

Liv: I was just looking back in my camera roll and found a picture of us in the dungeon :sweat smile emoji: :sweat smile emoji:

Quinn: oh God

Liv: We looked so rough LOL

Quinn: I'm sure we did

Liv: How are you?

Liv: Did I see somewhere your tour ended?

Liv: You going back to California?

Quinn: m'fine

Quinn: That it did.

Quinn: Nah. Headed back to Boston.

Liv: Oh! So I’ll get to see you then??

Liv: When will you be around?

Liv: It’s been ages

Quinn: Yup

Quinn: Got plans Monday, presumably I'll be required to make an appearance at Fran's on Tuesday, but I could probably do sometime on Tuesday?

Quinn: That it has.

Liv: That’s so far

Quinn: It's Tuesday or you wait even more.

Liv: Ugh the worst

Liv: why can’t you be around nowwwwwww

Quinn: Because I'm not

Liv: I’ll wait

Liv: Since I have to

Quinn: believe me, I'd prefer to be around

Liv: Are you close enough for me to drive to you?

Liv: The pictures were so hot!

Quinn: I'm busy.

Liv: Oh, okay. No worries

Quinn: Post tour shit is a bitch

Liv: I mean, I imagine so. So much physical and emotional work. When I was on tour it felt like we never went to bed.

Quinn: I love being on tour. I hate coming off it.

Liv: Sounds like you ate too many edibles

Quinn: I wish.

Liv: Do you want some?

Quinn: God no. Fran would kill me.

Liv: So? Edibles are basically good for you

Liv: Plus they just help you sleep

Quinn: You convince miss high and mighty of that.

Liv: Maybe she just cares about you?

Liv: Well, if you decide you want some lemme know.

Quinn: She does, but she's also anti-everything fun

Liv: Fun is relative. Different for everyone.

Liv: sounds like you need fun, grumpy

Quinn: But weed is nearly always fun, and Frannie turns up her nose at it.

Quinn: I need a fucking break is what I need.

Liv: plus how do you know Frannie hasn’t made edibles before? She definitely has.

Liv: You’re literally on break

Quinn: Is my withdrawal brain reading shit wrong or did you just say that Frannie, Francine Grace Fabray MADE edibles?!

Liv: She did! On Sunday.

Quinn: The fuck?

Liv: It’s why I have them

Quinn: You made edibles with my sister?

Quinn: god this feels like a hallucination

Liv: I did!

Liv: They’re so yummy too

Quinn: What fucking world did I faze into that my sister is making edibles?

Liv: Why does it matter?

Liv: It just means she doesn’t care if you let me bring you some

Quinn: She'll still fuckin kill me

Liv: I just wanna chill with you Fabray

Quinn: I'm probably the last fucker in Boston you really wanna hang out with.

Liv: Hey now, don’t put words in my mouth :frowning emoji:

Quinn: I'm not good company right now.

Liv: That’s okay. I can just drop cookies off?

Quinn: No. It'd be a bad idea. I don't know what adding that onto everything else would do. Would like to at least give Fran the chance to kill me.

Liv: Okay. I’ll bring some Tuesday then. How’s that?

Quinn: Sounds great. And tell whichever of the women in that house you're talking to that I know what I'm doing.

Liv: You sure about that?

Quinn: Yeah, this isn't my first rodeo.

Liv: Well they love you

Quinn: Doesn't always feel like like it. Fucking snitch.

Liv: Rather be a snitch then lose you

Quinn: I was talking about Bea. Though you're not much better.

Liv: What did she do?

Quinn: Tattled to Frannie

Liv: she is the baby

Quinn: And I told her I was fine.

Liv: Yeah, I mean drugs usually don’t equate to fine. But it’s fine.

Liv: What do you have going on Monday?

Quinn: I'm detoxing. It's fine.

Quinn: high school reunion of the horny variety, apparently

Liv: But why stop if you wanna do them so bad?

Liv: Ooooooh

Liv: Gross

Quinn: Frannie. And I only trust one guy to supply me, though after this my trust is wavering.

Quinn: Pretty little brat that I'm inclined to believe is as good with her mouth as she says.

Liv: So you stopped enough to trick her?

Liv: Hopefully she’s not lying

Quinn: If she thought I wasn't using she didn't worry.

Quinn: Pretty little song bird who also doesn't know how to shut up. So if that woman doesn't know how to put that mouth of hers to good use, well, she knows what I'll do to her.

Liv: Looks like you’re spots been blown up unfortunately

Liv: What now?

Liv: Hopefully she shuts up enough to use her mouth

Quinn: Fuck if I know.

Quinn: She likes being put in her place, I'm sure I can that mouth to do what I want it to.

Liv: Cool

Liv: sounds funnnn

Quinn: I should ask if she's gotten rid of her reindeer sweater...

Liv: LOL u joking?

Quinn: This girl wore short fucking skirts, knee high socks, and sweaters so fucking often. And no matter how much teasing and bullying occurred she wouldn't change. Even her so-called friends tried to get her to toss the fucking reindeer sweater and she just wouldn't.

Liv: Well, stubborn can be fun. I think.

Liv: My brother always wears funny bow ties. People don’t appreciate them but he does it anyways.

Quinn: Bowties I can appreciate. Unflattering sweaters with reindeer I cannot

Liv: They were unflattering even with the knee socks?

Quinn: From ankle to waist she was perfect. Great legs, an amazing ass. And then BOOM reindeer

Liv: LOL you’ll have to let me know what she wears cause I’m big curious

Quinn: Hopefully not much. But yeah, I'll let you know

Liv: She shows up naked. Could you imagine :laughing cat emoji:

Quinn: If she wasn't meeting in public first I am not entirely sure I'd complain.

Liv: Why public if you know each other?

Quinn: Because it's been 11 years since high school and I'm not stupid enough to give someone I barely know my address?

Liv: Did she know your address back then? :winking emoji:

Quinn: No. My father would have had a conniption if I even entertained the idea of being acquainted with her.

Liv: Ohhhhhh

Liv: Romeo and Juliet vibes :laughing cat emoji: :laughing cat emoji: laughing cat emoji:

Quinn: I wanted nothing to do with her back then. Except when I could get her angry enough to storm off so I could watch her go.

Liv: So you kinda wanted something to do with her

Quinn: I wanted less to do with her than she wanted to do with me.

Liv: Omg was she in love with you

Quinn: She wanted me to fuck her in the locker room. Apparently on multiple occasions.

Liv: Jesus

Liv: that’s hot

Quinn: Spanking included

Liv: Well then

Quinn: Mmhmm

Liv: Well hopefully she’s just horny for you and not obsessed with you

Quinn: I've had worse people obsessed with me

Liv: Fair enough.

Liv: So what are you going to make her do?

Quinn: Haven't decided yet.

Liv: No fair

Quinn: I mean, she's given me so many ideas. Definitely like the idea of spanking her, getting her on her knees, not letting her up until I'm satisfied."

Liv: you could kill her between your legs and she probably wouldn’t care

Quinn: Probably

Liv: That’s a sacrifice I’d probably take too

Quinn: Is that so?

Liv: For sure

Quinn: Interesting.

Quinn: So, you and Frannie?

Liv: We’re friends because of Arin! Love that woman

Quinn: Okay, but like how are you two JUST NOW connecting? I mean, you and the queen of darkness have known each other for a while, right?

Liv: It just sort of happened, idk

Liv: the same way you spent your summers with my Blaine

Quinn: Excuse me what?

Liv: Blaine Anderson | Liv Anderson

Quinn: Bruh.

Liv: Tell me about it. I could have gotten into so many pants way sooner.

Quinn: So like, why weren't you?

Liv: You know, dads suck!

Quinn: Mood

Liv: I punched him in the face and he shipped me off to boarding school :sunglasses emoji:

Quinn: Damn, I wish

Quinn: I just write songs about mine

Liv: Mine doesn’t exist to me anymore so no songs need to be written

Liv: At least they are good!!!

Quinn: I'm sure I don't exist to him but that doesn't make the trauma and shit nonexistent

Liv: Neither does the drugs

Quinn: The drugs have very little to do with THAT bastard

Liv: Okay. My apologies.

Liv: They still don’t help trauma

Quinn: They stop the memories way more than you'd think

Liv: Doesn’t make it the way

Quinn: Yeah, well they work.

Liv: I know

Quinn: and that's the part that matters.

Quinn: so like how did you get her to make edibles?

Liv: I asked her

Quinn: What the ever loving fuck have I missed the last 9 months?

Liv: I don’t know LOL

Quinn: Neither do I.

Liv: The world just got smaller mostly.

Liv: and everyone is horny and kinky

Liv: Or both

Quinn: Both, definitely both.

Liv: Specially them Fabray girls

Quinn: Not all of us.

Liv: All of you dude

Quinn: Last a checked my not-so-closeted older sister is still in fact a sex free bitch. And as much as even I know kink isn't always sexual, Frannie might have an interested, but that definitely doesn't result in actually being willing.

Liv: An interest is enough for me to label you all kinky. That’s all.

Quinn: Okay then

Liv: And you are horny I’m sure

Quinn: nah, withdrawal sucks that shit right outta ya. Hoping I don't have to cancel Monday, honestly

Liv: omg that’d break her heart probably

Quinn: Probably

Liv: such power

Quinn: Mmhmm

Liv: if you cancel on her let’s hang out

Quinn: If I cancel on her it will be because I still feel like death

Liv: and I can’t take care of you?

Quinn: Why would you want to?

Liv: Friends take care of friends

Liv: I messaged you because I was hoping you’d let me come over to help you. It just also meant I could let Frannie know you are okay

Quinn: I'm fine, Liv, really. Just some extra shit I wasn't expecting to deal with.

Liv: You guys are so fucking frustrating holy shit

Liv: Okay. I get it. But I want to help. And I’m here for you. That’s all. You can believe it and I hope you would but I won’t force you.

Quinn: I know I am. Bea, if you know her is too. But what's frustrating about Frannie? Like, from a you perspective?

Quinn: I just don't need the help right now, okay? Go be a brat to someone who can handle it

Liv: She doesn’t take a single compliment.

Liv: I’m not being a brat I’m trying to be a friend

Quinn: Is there a reason you're trying that hard to compliment my sister?

Quinn: You're being a bratty friend.

Liv: It’s easy to?

Quinn: ... You like her don't you

Liv: We’re friends. Obviously I like her.

Quinn: Bitch, you know what I mean

Liv: I haven’t thought about it like that tbh

Liv: Maybe I do

Liv: That’s fun

Quinn: Does she know? Does she like you back? I need details bitch

Liv: You think she knows when I didn’t know?

Quinn: I don't know. Maybe? Like does she like you?

Liv: I mean she likes hanging out with me and made edibles with me

Quinn: Mmhm. And?

Liv: What do you mean and? We just chill a lot

Liv: And laugh a lot lol

Quinn: Okay. That's something. But also you're terrible at this. I'm gonna have to ask Arin. Arin knows these things.

Liv: Arin knows everything

Liv: I also don’t know anything right now outside the fact that I’m seconds from exploding

Quinn: Except how to fall in love with someone who WON'T cheat on her.

Quinn: Getting relief, I hope?

Liv: low blow

Liv: Maybe she can date Bea. Bea doesn’t know anyone but us.

Liv: Yes sooooon

Quinn: But the truth.

Quinn: Don't know how I feel about that. Though, pretty sure she had a crush on Arin when we were younger.

Quinn: oooh

Liv: I mean who didn’t have a crush on Arin? LOL

Liv: oooooh

Quinn: Frannie. And presumably Blaine.

Quinn: Who???

Liv: Wonder if Sugar did. She’s worse than anyone I know when it comes to realizing feelings LOL

Liv: Arin

Quinn: Sugar had it BAD. Like, literally got her ass beat multiple times with a book cos she refused to leave Arin alone. Now she just pretends to hate her for it.

Quinn: enjoy the queen of darkness, you both probbaly need it though like... does Frannie know?

Liv: LOLOLOLOLOLOl

Liv: Yeah, I think she knows. I mean I don’t know how she wouldn’t know.

Quinn: uh huh. and do you know if she reacted to this?

Liv: What do you mean?

Liv: I don’t know.

Liv: she said she didn’t need Arin

Quinn: I mean how did she react. Was it normal. Was it short. Did it take longer or faster than it should have.

Liv: She gets short a lot. I didn’t really note it as different

Liv: This is so much

Quinn: Well, when you have a chance, compare what everytime she's gotten short with you has in common and met me know

Liv: Quinn, I really like sex and she doesn’t

Liv: I don’t think we could ever work

Liv: it’s not that serious

Quinn: Look, I can't say why she's repulsed lord knows that's her story to tell, but she's on that site for a reason. A reason that I pray means what I think it does. Don't count her out because of her history.

Liv: I’m not counting her out. I just think you’ve got it all wrong.

Quinn: I don't think I do. But Arin will know more and I will get my answer. Just think over why she gets short with you.

Liv: Stubborn :sweat emoji:

Quinn: Fabray genetics. Running away, being attractive, a desire to be right.

Liv: can you like wait to bug arin until I’m done with her?

Quinn: You mean til she's done with you, but yeah, I'm gonna go pass out

Liv: goodnight Quinn :winking emoji:

Quinn: enjoy the queen of darkness

#i: liv anderson #t: liv anderson #t: all #long post

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intobangtan · 5 years

Note

Hii I got a request♡ could you do a bts react to their s/o growing up with a single parent cause one of the parents simply didn't want to take responsibility, maybe it could be their first time meeting their s/o parent idk. keep up the good work! :)

hey, I'm sorry it took me a while to post this bc I've been busy with work lately. But I wanted to get something up today sooo here is the RAPLINE only. If you wanted to read the reaction of a vocal line, tell me. I'll try to do a one shot.

But hope you enjoy this. ❤️

SUGA

You tried to avoid Yoongi's stare as he watched you intensely.

"Why don't you tell me?" You heard the frustration in his voice. He was losing his temper.

He knew you hid something about your past and it was bothering him. You couldn't even remember how it got to this point tonight.

You came to your boyfriend's apartment and after you two had some takeaway, you decided to watch a movie.

You started to talk about some daily stuff but then somehow Yoongi asked you for the thousandth time about your mother.

You never talked about her. You had lived with your father for over 10 years and you had pushed the memories of the time with your mom far back in your mind.

She had passed away of an overdose. You felt ashamed when remembering how you found out three years after her death.

She had been taking them for a few months and stopped taking responsibilities in the household.

Tears formed at the corners of your eyes again, as a feeling of uneasiness hit you.

Yoongi lifted your chin up. He stared at you with a soft expression, a sigh escaping his lips.

"I'm here for you, YN and I'm only trying to understand." He tilted his head slightly, waiting for you.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You told him what had occured over ten years ago and your mother had an overdose one day. He waited for you to finish.

"I feel ashamed sometimes. I found out about the real reason later. I-" You gulped, tears building again.

"I always kept her well in mind. She was a cheerful woman as much as I remember and I can't believe how she did that. Lately she had been avoiding me, yelling at me every time she saw me and now all I can think of when I hear her name is the way she died and nothing else." Yoongi wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to him. He placed gentle kisses on top of your head, as he caressed your back.

"I think the way we die shouldn't be the only thing to define us. But the way we lived. If she had been cheerful all along, then your image of her shouldn't change. People make mistakes. You should forgive her. " His soft voice near your ear caused a slight shiver to run down your neck.

"You shouldn't be ashamed of talking about your mother, if she made you happy at some point in life. You should forgive her because I bet, she didn't want to leave you like that."

You smiled halfly, cupping Yoongi's cheeks. You leaned forward, pecking his lips. He smiled, resting his forehead against yours as he whispered words you took as a promise.

"I'll always be there for you. Even if others leave."

J-HOPE

You gasped when you saw the photo album in Hoseok's hands. You took it away quickly, putting it back in the drawer. You slammed the drawer shut, looking nervously up at your boyfriend.

Hoseok cocked his head, eyeing you suspiciously.

"What photo album was that?" He watched you curiously but you sighed, rubbing the back of your head with one hand, waving dismissively with the other.

"It's nothing special." But Hoseok wasn't impressed with your bad acting.

"Tell me," He reached for the drawer again. "I want to see how you looked like as a child."

"There are only like two photos." You tried to shrug it off but he was too eager to know. He tried to reach forward again and the both of you ended up wrestling. He had pinned you with your hands tied together in his grasp in a second.

You huffed, "Ok, fine." He released your hands and let you hand him the photo album. He was surprised to see that indeed only two photos were inside.

The first picture was a 2-year-old you, sitting on a couch, smiling lightly into the camera.

The second one is you as a new born in the arms of a pair that Hoseok couldn't recognize.

He had met your single parent, your dad, already. But these were strangers to him. He turned his head to look at you.

"These," You pointed at the 2nd picture. "Are my parents. My biological parents."

You bit your lip nervously. You hadn't thought that the truth would come out this quickly. Hoseok and you had been dating for only three weeks and you had successfully hidden the truth about your parents until now.

"I was adopted into this family. They gave me to an orphanage when I was about to turn three. I haven't heard of them since. After I turned eighteen, the orphanage sent me these pictures."

Hoseok was shook. He never would have thought you were an adopted child. For him you looked a lot like your adoptive father.

"But I love my dad." You explain quickly. "I'm grateful he took me in. I love him."

Hoseok smiled, hugging you tightly.

"I didn't know, YN."

"No, it's ok, I guess."

"It is! You have people that love and care for you. Biological or not. It doesn't matter. Your farther is so thoughtful of you and he is really cool. And I love you, too." He kissed you softly.

"I love you more than anything. You won't ever need anybody else."

Your palms were sweating, when you reached for the door knob. You glanced over at Namjoon, your boyfriend, who couldn't stand still because he was too excited to meet your parent.

Today he would be meeting your mother. You had tried to delay this first meeting as much as you could but Namjoon's insisting was now too much to ignore.

You hadn't told him yet that your dad had left you because your mother was a drug addict. You pulled your hand back, looking at him. You thought about how you could explain the situation quickly before it would end up being a surprise for him.

"Joonie," You started, sighing. "There's a thing I need to tell you." Your boyfriend stared at you with a warm smile.

"I don't know why I never told you this but-" You stopped, feeling stupid. You had been dating for over 3 months and every time he had asked you a question about your parents, you had avoided him successfully.

But today it flared back. You had been dishonest.

"Baby, you can tell me anything that bothers you. I'll help you out and I would never judge."

You smiled, grabbing his hand.

"Expect, if you tell me that your parents don't like chocolate cake, then I'd lose it."

He said, lifting up the bag with cake in his hands.

You snorted, shaking your head. Then Namjoon remained quiet, waiting for you to say whatever bothered you and hovered in your mind.

"You know, I never really told you much about my parents." You started again. "The thing is that I only live with my mother. My father left us when I was five years old because he found a different woman and didn't want to put up with the problems my mom had." You looked at him, spitting out everything as fast as you could. You tried to decipher what he might be thinking but you couldn't glance at him for too long. You soon avoided his gaze, looking at the ground.

He lifted up your chin with his delicate fingers, a loving smile playing on his lips.

"Why do I feel like you're ashamed of telling me this?" He asked, raising his eyebrow slightly.

You smiled nervously.

"You shouldn't be. Life can be hard sometimes. You struggled but yet look what a beautiful young woman you are - in and out.

"I want to meet your mother regardless of her situation. I want to tell her what an amazing daughter she has and that I will love her daughter unconditionally, not caring about her past." A few tears rolled down your cheeks silently.

You were a fool to think that this amazing man would change his ways because of your parents.

You were a fool to think that, he'd dislike you. He was your Joonie after all, the smartest and sweetest man in Uni and the man that made you feel like you're the only girl in the world.

You got on your tiptoes, pecking Joon's lips.

"I love you."

masterlist ❤️

138 notes · View notes

taemoonchilde · 4 years

Text

🕊 renewed [ part 8 ]

pairing: student!taehyung x student!female reader

genre: college au, fluff, ex to lovers, angst?? idk kkkk

warnings: uh mild swearing lmao, alcohol consumption

summary: on your bed was a letter that had no return address, just your name typed neatly onto the envelope. inside was just a date, and a rendezvous. never would you have thought it was sent out to your high school friends, nor would you have thought it came from your ex. with the purest of intentions, kim taehyung, sent each letter out carefully to take the people he cherished the most on one final adventure to rebuild old relationships and forge new ones.

Taehyung didn't realize how much he actually missed his old friends until he saw Rosie and Noeul running to him to give him the most welcoming and loving hug he had ever gotten in his life. He missed the way that they were always three, until they weren't. He missed the natural connection that they always had upon meeting in high school. Everything always seemed to flow so naturally when they were together, even after four years of being apart. For that, Taehyung was thankful. It was never awkward around them, and judging from the laughing in the backseat, it seems Rosie had made some new friends. Everyone was talking, joking and getting to know each other. Taehyung knew Jimin and Jungkook would fit in perfectly.

"So why am I still nervous?" Taehyung questioned to himself. He was shaking his leg uncontrollably in the front seat, fists clenched in his lap, his whole body turned away from Noeul, and towards the window. He felt his heart beating at an abnormal pace since boarding, and that was a whole eight hours ago!

"Taehyung?" Noeul called, but only loud enough for him to hear. "You're nervous." She stated, glancing over at him. "Are you okay? Are you scared about meeting the others since... what happened?" Noeul questioned, obviously referring to their break up.

Taehyung cleared his throat, not bothering to turn to look at her, keeping his gaze towards the window of her car. "W-Well... I guess? Haha... I'm not sure why I'm so nervous right now," he confessed. "I really am excited to hang out with everyone, but I can't help but feel nervous? I'm not sure, I feel so frustrated right now."

Noeul glanced at him again, clearly worried for him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Noeul asked, but she was only met with his silence.

Taehyung finally shifted in his seat to face forward. He moved his eyes to take a look at Noeul. She was concerned. It was written all over her face, despite looking at the road.

"She was always kind."

"It's okay if you don't. I'm just... worried, you know? It's been awhile since we actually... talked." Noeul said softly. Her eyes holding an expression telling Taehyung she wanted to say more, but held herself back.

"She was always easy to read."

"It's nothing you should be worrying your pretty little head off, Nobie." Taehyung replied, smiling. He proceeded to reach over to take her cap off, putting it on his own head.

"Hey!" Noeul exclaimed, tearing her gaze away from the road as she took one hand off of the steering wheel to try and grab her hat back. Taehyung laughed, slowly moving away from her flailing hand so she couldn't reach his head. "I wore a hat for a reason!" She said between giggles.

Taehyung finally felt at ease as he heard her laugh ring through his ears. "You gotta try a little harder to get your hat back," he laughed, blocking her hand from being able to reach his head.

"And without even trying, she never fails to comfort me."

"-- eul! Noeul, we're fucking swerving!" Rosie yelled out, obviously terrified as her hands found their way to the onto those handles that moms always dramatically grip when "reckless driving" occurs.

"Oh my god!" Noeul shrieked, turning her attention back to the road. Taehyung didn't even notice that the car was swerving. Before his mind could process his actions, Taehyung's hands snapped to the wheel, straightening them out.

"Shit," Noeul cursed quietly. "You know, this so would not have happened if you didn't steal my hat!" She scolded, huffing as she gave a chuckling Taehyung a pointed glare.

"A good driver wouldn't have swerved," he teased, plopping her hat back onto Noeul's head. "Or at they would have waited for a red light, or just waited til we were all out of the car to fight for it back."

"I am a good driver. I've never crashed. Just because I run over curbs does not mean I'm a terrible driver!" Noeul defended, a smile playing on her lips.

"I dunno," Taehyung drawled. "Have you guys ever ran over curbs while driving?" He asked, turning his body to his friends in the backseats, only to be met with a look from all three.

Taehyung sent them a look back, as if to ask, "Why are you guys looking at me like that?"

In sync, Jimin, Rosie and Jungkook sent him the same expression. "Oh, you know why."

Taehyung rolled his eyes. He was tired of convincing his friends that he was over Noeul, because he was...! So she's even more beautiful than he had ever remembered, her smile somehow became even brighter, the way she laughed brought him unimaginable joy, and... She will always be welcome in his life no matter what. Why? Taehyung loved her... as a friend. Nothing was wrong with thinking your friend just suddenly becoming even more charming than one could ever have imagined. He was over her. He was happy she found someone... Even though his heart did ache a bit at the thought. But wasn't all that normal?

"I'm literally over her. I'm sick of you guys bringing it up." Taehyung glared, shutting down any more silly ideas they had about his feelings towards Noeul.

The three in the backseat exchanged looks before silently apologizing to Taehyung. He gave them one last look before turning back to face forward.

"Um..." Noeul started, confused at what they were telepathically communicating between each other, but she knew better than to ask. The vibe was beginning to dampen. She was slow, but not dumb. Sensing the mild tension in the air, she continued the conversation. "So I assume you guys have ran over curbs with that long silence," she joked, but no one laughed.

The silence loomed in the air, and it was beginning to become suffocating. Noeul glanced in her rear view mirror, hoping to catch someone's eye in the back. Lucky for her, Rosie caught her eye, and thought the same thing.

"What the hell did you guys do?" Noeul asked, holding Rosie's gaze through the mirror.

"Um... It's a secret?" Rosie sheepishly replied. "But I'll fix it I swear!"

"You better! Things were going so good," Noeul replied, annoyance in her eyes.

"Taetae! Aren't you excited to see everyone?" Rosie began, hoping to incite some sort of interesting conversations with small talk.

"Mmm. Yeah, I guess," Taehyung answered blandly. He was irritated, and he wasn't quite sure why.

Unfortunately for Rosie, her efforts had gone to vain. The car was unbearable by the time they finally made it to Noeul's and Rosie's apartment. Everyone leapt out of the car and sprinted inside the apartment once Noeul had parked her car.

Behind the door was Hoseok, Jin, Yoongi and Namjoon already dancing to Kill This Love on the Switch. Noeul, beyond excited, grinned ear to ear seeing all her favorite people gathered in one place, started to run towards them while letting out her excitement in the form of elated squeals and jumps.

"Hobi!" The excited little chick scream-greeted. "My best fucking friends in the entire universe plus Jin! I'm so fucking excited to see you all! Fuck, I could cry," Noeul continued, though it was clear she was pouting, an obvious sign of her fighting back her tears.

"Nobie, cry one more time, I'm gonna have to clock you!" Hoseok threatened with an smile just as wide, abandoning his game of Just Dance to run over and bear hug her.

Taehyung found himself fighting the urge to hug her. He didn't know why, he always knew she was the biggest fucking cry baby he'd ever met. It was almost ridiculous at how easy it was to make her cry... It was annoying, but endearing. Mostly annoying.

What was more confusing was that the urge to hug her felt so natural.

"Taehyung? You look... dazed." Jimin stated, avoiding the fact that he was obviously fixated on Noeul.

"Oh..." Taehyung responded, still dazed. He chuckled awkwardly hoping that no one noticed that he was dazed because of Noeul. "Sorry, it's been awhile since I've seen everyone like this. I guess you could say I'm shocked."

Unfortunately, everyone but the one he was fixated on noticed, but no one was going to say so.

"What the fuck is up, dude? It's been way too long since we went out on a bro date." Namjoon greeted, with hopes of averting everyone's attention on what was happening.

With Smirnoffs and soda going around the house and Big Time Rush playing, as the group cycled through Mario Kart, Just Dance, Smash Bros., and Pokken Tournament, the apartment was lively, loud and likely to get complaints the next morning. However, Rosie and Noeul didn't care. They were also a bit too tipsy to realize that they were being too loud, but who cares? One more week and they were free for the summer. Everyone else was probably letting loose anyway, with finals coming up. College traditions, or whatever.

Seokjin, on the other hand, while he was having a great time, was happier that Noeul was enjoying herself. He wasn't one to stick his nose in his dear little sister's personal life (despite his overprotective side yelling at him to do it), but he couldn't help but to notice that Noeul was happier than she'd ever looked since Taehyung left.

Jin knew she was dating Evan, but he didn't get the best vibes from him, and Noeul knew that. Rosie agreed, but that didn't really stop Noeul from dating him. All Jin could do was support her if she was happy, and continue to support her if things went sour.

He also knew that he didn't really like the way Taehyung had to end things with his cute little sister, but Jin really liked them together. He was angry at Taehyung for a bit, but tonight reminded him that if Noeul was able to move past it, so could he. Besides, Taehyung was funny, a great guy, and was a really good friend. Jin had decided to pull Rosie aside, who, wasn't exactly sober, had to have been the most sober of the group at this point.

Jin led her to the kitchen so they could be out of earshot, and out of everyone's eyes.

"Am I crazy, or are Noeul and Taehyung like... borderline cuddling?" Jin asked. "And doesn't Noeul seem like, way more chipper and happy, and a lot more like how she was back in high school?"

"Fuck, I thought I was so drunk that I thought I was hallucinating how close they are." Rosie replied, pink in the face, slurring her words a bit. "No, Jinsuck, I guess if you, the most sober mother trucker here, sees it, and tipsy me sees it, I guess you're not crazy. Also I might not be a psych major, but I think her chipper 'tude might be because of the drinks, my guy. On top of the fact that she's with her high school friends, she may have unconsciously reverted back to how she used to act."

Jin sighed. Rosie had some really good points, but he also wanted to believe that she was better off with someone that wasn't Evan.

"She's only had like, two bottles of Smirnoff. She's a lightweight but not a lightweight. Nobie barely gets tipsy off that much alcohol in her system. Also... I just get the feeling that she seems a lot happier with Taehyung," Jin confessed guiltily, only because he felt like he was conspiracizing against Noeul, and because he felt like he should be supporting her new relationship.

Rosie was silent for a bit, trying to take in his words in her tipsy-in-the-middle-of-sobering-up state.

The silence was getting a little too long for Jin's comfort, and was about to open his mouth to end the conversation, but Rosie had beat him to it.

"I agree with you. You know I do, especially about Evan. I just... feel guilty."

Jin and Rosie had come to a silent agreement, nodding their heads, ending the conversation and decided to go back before anyone else noticed how long they were gone.

When they had got back, Namjoon, Hoseok, and Yoongi questioned the two silently, to which Jin and Rosie telepathically responded with, "We'll explain later."

The night began to come to a close, as Noeul had fallen asleep on Yoongi's shoulder in the middle of karaoke. No one really noticed, but Yoongi was combusting at how cute she was. Yoongi was careful to not breathe in a strange way as to wake her. Not that it mattered since she was a heavy sleeper, but he was whipped for his "adopted" little sister.

"Alright losers, we have two rooms, not including the living room. We got air mattresses and blankets and the like. Noeul and I don't mind sleeping in the living room with you heathens like old times. Either way, Noeul and I are gonna cuddle," Rosie explained, but also making sure that everyone knew she wasn't going to be sharing her cuddle buddy.

Everyone exchanged glances around the room, and when no one spoke up, Jin decided to make a decision for everyone.

"I think it would be better if all of us sleep on the mattresses out here while you and Noeul sleep in a room. You look like you're about to knock out, Rosie. Just tell us where everything is."

"You're right, but can someone help Nobie with her make up? No one likes waking up in day old makeup."

"Anything for my sister," Jin volunteered before any one of his friends could.

"She's our sister too." Hoseok pouted, only to have Jin sarcastically laugh and reply with, "You wish she was. Everyone is so whipped for her."

Jin went to pick up his sister and followed Rosie to take off the makeup on their faces, his thoughts on Taehyung and Evan lingering strangely heavily on his mind tonight.

Although Jin and Rosie wanted to converse about what they had talked about earlier, they didn't, afraid that Noeul could somehow hear them, or suddenly wake up. Their conversation would just have to wait.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Namjoon, Hoseok and Yoongi had very quickly picked up on Noeul's and Taehyung's undeniable chemistry. They all wanted to ask, but decided against it, all deciding the conversation could go sour too quickly. Instead, they just caught up, joked and got to know the two boys Jimin and a Jungkook as they set up their mattresses. It felt like old times, aside the two new faces, but it was fun. Perhaps... the letters were a good thing, they all thought.

It brought them all back together, and Noeul seemed so much happier now that they've reunited.

Jin came back from washing his little sister's face, and slapping on all that skincare stuff with Rosie's help. Rosie took care of changing Noeul into her pajamas once Jin had taken care of her face. Once Rosie had changed her, Jin carried Noeul to her bed, and tucked her in, kissing her forehead like he did when they were children when Noeul had trouble sleeping. Not that she wasn't already sleeping soundly but it just felt... necessary for some reason. Rosie had entered the bedroom after changing, and climbed into bed with Noeul and thanked Jin for his help.

Jin and Taehyung made eye contact for a bit. Taehyung couldn't help but to feel as if he was being scanned, but quickly got over it and began to make conversation with his old hyung.

As they finished setting up and talking, it was already six in the morning. Shocked at how much time had passed, they decided it was time to sleep. All but two were sleeping soundly.

Taehyung's thoughts kept him up, finally coming to a realization.

"I guess... I didn't get over her."

The undeniable chemistry and the mild cuddling that happened tonight was enough proof for him to finally realize his best friends were right. He might have been a little less than sober, but his feelings were just too strong to deny.

previous // PART 8 // next

🕊 renewed masterlist

author's notes: hi yes i was gone for like 3 weeks but i have a rly good (NoT) excuse!!!!! i was busy with my acnh island and simping for claude in fire emblem 3 houses 🥰🥰🥰 (im so sorry snakdnwks)

also pls i typed this on my phone and wanted to post asap so excuse any formatting ugliness

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