#if i get too insecure (?) abt it i’ll just delete it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queenlua · 3 years

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hey, i started following you recently and ur bio says ur a hacker? any tips on where to start? hacking seems like a v cool/fun way to learn more abt coding and cybersecurity/infrastructure and i'd like to explore it but there's so much on the internet and like, i'm not trying to get into anything illegal. thanks!

huh, an interesting question, ty!

i can give more tailored advice if you hit me up on chat with more specifics on your background/interests.

given what you've written here, though, i'll just assume you don't have any immediate professional aspirations (e.g. you just want to learn some things, and you aren't necessarily trying to get A Cyber Security Job TM within the next three months or w/e), and that you don't know much about any specific programming/computering domain yet.

(stuff under cut because long)

first i'd probably just try to pick some interesting problem that you think you can solve with tech. this doesn't need to be a "hacking" project at first; i was just messing around with computers for ages before i did anything involving security/exploitation.

if you don't already know how to program, you should ideally pick a problem you can solve via programming. for instance: i learned a lot back in the 2000s, when play-by-post forum RPGs were in vogue. see, i'd already been messing around, building my own personal sites, first just with HTML & CSS, and later on with Javascript and PHP. and i knew the forum software everyone used (InvisionPowerBoard) was written in PHP. so when one of the admins at my RPG complained that they'd like the ability to set multiple profile pictures, i was like, "hey i'm good at programming, want me to create a mod to do that," and then i just... did. so then they asked me to program more features, and i got all the sexy nerd cred for being Forum Mod Queen, and it was a good time, i learned a lot.

(i also got to be the person who was frantically IMed at 2am because wtf the forum is down and there's an inscrutable error, what do??? basically sysadmining! also, much less sexy! still, i learned a lot!)

the key thing is that it's gotta be a problem that's interesting to you: as much as i love making dorky sites in PHP, half the fun was seeing other people using my stuff, and i think the era of forum-based RPGs has passed. but maybe you can apply some programming talents to something that you are interested in—maybe you want to make a silly Chrome extension to make people laugh, a la Cloud to Butt, or maybe you'd like to make a program that converts pixel art into cross-stitching patterns, maybe you want to just make a cool adventure game on those annoying graphing calculators they make you use in class, or make a script for some online game you play, or make something silly with Arduino (i once made a trash can that rolled toward me when i clapped my hands; it was fun, and way easier than you'd think!), whatever.

i know a lot of hacker-types who got their start doing ROM hacking for video games—replacing the character art or animations or whatever in old NES games. that's probably more relevant than the PHP websites, at least, and is probably a solid place to get started; in my experience those communities tend to be reasonably friendly to questions. pick a small thing you want to do & ask how to do it.

also, a somewhat unconventional path, but—once i knew how to program a bit of Python, i started doing goofy junk, like, "hey can i implemented NamedTuple from scratch,” which tends to lead to Python metaprogramming, which leads to surprising shit like "oh, stack frames are literally just Python objects and you can manually edit them in the interpreter to do deliberately horrendous/silly things, my god this language allows too much reflection and i'm having too much fun"... since Python is a lot of folks' first language these days, i thought i'd point that out, since i think this is a pretty accessible start to thinking about How Programs Actually Work under the hood. allison kaptur has some specific recommendations on how to poke around, if you wanna go that route.

it's reasonably likely you'll end up doing something "hackery" in the natural course of just working on stuff. for instance, while i was working on the IPB forum software mods, i became distressed to learn that everyone was using an INSECURE version of the software! no one was patching their shit!! i yelled at the admins about it, and they were like "well we haven't been hacked yet so it's not a problem," so i uh, decided to demonstrate a proof of concept? i downloaded some sketchy perl script, kicked it until it worked, logged in as the admins, and shitposted a bit before i logged out, y'know, to prove my point.

(they responded by banning me for two weeks, and did not patch their software. which, y'know, rip to them; they got hacked by an unrelated Turkish group two months later, and those dudes just straight-up deleted the whole website. i was a merciful god by comparison!)

anyway, even though downloading a perl script and just pointing it at a website isn't really "hacking" (it's the literal definition of script kiddie, heh)—the point is i was just experimenting a lot and trying a lot of stuff, which meant i was getting comfortable with thinking of software as not just some immutable relic, but something you can touch and prod in unexpected ways.

this dovetails into the next thing, which is like, just learn a lot of stuff. a boring conventional computer science degree will teach you a lot (provided you take it seriously and actually try to learn shit); alternatively, just taking the same classes as a boring conventional computer science degree, via edX or whatever free online thingy, will also teach you a lot. ("contributing to open source" also teaches you a lot but... hngh... is a whole can of worms; send a follow-up ask if you want that rant.)

here's where i should note that "hacking" is an impossibly broad category: the kind of person who knows how to fuck with website authentication tokens is very different than someone who writes a fuzzer, who is often quite different than someone who looks at the bug a fuzzer produces and actually writes a program that can exploit that bug... so what you focus on depends on what you're interested in. i imagine classes with names like "compilers," "operating systems," and "networking" will teach you a lot. but, like, idk, all knowledge is god-breathed and good for teaching. hell, i hear some universities these days have actual computer security classes? that's probably a good thing to look at, just to get a sense of what's out there, if you already know how to program.

also be comfortable with not knowing everything, but also, learn as you go. the bulk of my security knowledge came when i got kinda airdropped into a work team that basically hired me entirely on "potential" (lmao), and uh, prior to joining i only had the faintest idea what a hypervisor was? or the whole protection ring concept? or ioctls or sandboxing or threat models or, fuck, anything? i mostly just pestered people with like 800 questions and slowly built up a knowledge base, and remember being surprised & delighted when i went to a security conference a year later and could follow most of the talks, and when i wound up at a bar with a guy on the xbox security team and we compared our security models a bunch, and so on. there wasn't a magic moment when i "got it", i was just like, "okay huh this dude says he found a ring-0 exploit... what does that mean... okay i think i got that... why is that a big deal though... better ask somebody.." (also: reading an occasional dead tree book is a good idea. i owe my firstborn to Robert Love's Linux Kernel Development, as outdated as it is, and also O'Reilly's kookaburra book gave me a great overview of web programming back in the day, etc. you can learn a lot by just clicking around random blogs, but you’ll often end up with a lot of random little facts and no good mental scaffolding for holding it together; often, a decent book will give you that scaffolding.)

(also, it's pretty useful if you can find a knowledgable someone to pepper with random questions as you go. finding someone who will actively mentor you is tricky, but most working computery folks are happy to tell you things like "what you're doing is actually impossible, here's why," or "here's a tutorial someone told me was good for learning how to write a linux kernel module," or "here's my vague understanding of this concept you know nothing about," or "here's how you automate something to click on a link on a webpage," which tends to be handier than just google on its own.)

if you're reading this and you're like "ok cool but where's the part where i'm handed a computer and i gotta break in while going all hacker typer”—that's not the bulk of the work, alas! like, for sure, we do have fun pranking each other by trying dumb ways of stealing each other's passwords or whatever (once i stuck a keylogger in a dude's keyboard, fun times). but a lot of my security jobs have involved stuff like, "stare at this disassembly a long fuckin' time to figure out how the program pointer got all fucked up," or, "write a fuzzer that feeds a lot of randomized input to some C++ program, watch the program crash because C++ is a horrible language for writing software, go fix all the bugs," or "think Really Hard TM about all the settings and doohickeys this OS/GPU/whatever has, think about all the awful things someone could do with it, threat model and sandbox accordingly." occasionally i have done cool proof-of-concept hacks but honestly writing exploits can kinda be tedious, lol, so like, i'm only doing that if it's the only way i can get people to believe that Yes This Is Actually A Problem, Fix Your Code

"lua that's cool and all but i wanted, like, actual links and recommendations and stuff" okay, fair. here's some ideas:

microcorruption: very fun embedded security CTF; teaches you everything you need to know as you're doing it.

cryptopals crypto challenges: very fun little programming exercises that teach you a lot of fundamental cryptography concepts as you're going along! you can do these even as a bit of a n00b; i did them in Python for the lulz

the binary bomb lab is hilariously copied by, like, so many CS programs, lol, but for good reason. it's accessible and fun and is the first time most people get to feel like a real hacker! (requires you know a bit of C beforehand)

ctftime is a good way to see when new CTFs ("capture the flag"s; security-focused competitions) are coming up. or, sometimes CTFs post their source code, so you can continue trying them after the CTF is over. i liked Stripe's CTFs when they were going, because they focused on "web stuff", and "web stuff" was all i really knew at the time. if you're more interested in staring at disassembly, there's CTFs focused on that sort of thing too.

azeria has good ARM assembly & exploitation tutorials

also, like, lots of good talks out there; just watching defcon/cansecwest/etc talks until something piques your interest is very fun. i'd die on a battlefield for any of Christopher Domas's talks, but he assumes a lot of specific x86/OS knowledge, lol, so maybe don’t start with that. oh, Julia Evans's blog is honestly probably pretty good for just learning a lot of stuff and really beginner-friendly?

oh and wrt legality... idk, i haven't addressed it here since it hasn't come up in my own work much, tbh. if you're just getting started you're kind of unlikely to Break The Law without, y'know, realizing maybe you're doing something a bit gray-area? and you can cross that bridge when you come to it? Real Hacking TM is way more of a pain-in-the-ass than doing CTFs and such, and you'll learn way more with the latter, so who cares lol just do the fun thing

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not-really-recovering · 3 years

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i’m bored so i’m going to do all 30 days if this i think. have fun reading if you decide to read this.

DAY 1: Height-5’7” CW-138lbs GW1-130lbs UGW-115lbs

DAY 2: i’m 5’7”, i’m sorry of insecure abt my height bc i feel too tall bc my friends are short but also i’m tall so i can be a brighter weight and still be skinnyish

DAY 3: my thinspo is kendall jenner, it’s cliche but she’s just perfect and we have sort of similar body shapes, hers is just better. also the monster energy can girl who’s leg is smaller than the can, that’s my goal

DAY 4: i’m afraid that when i loose weight i’ll have also lost my already thin hair. i’m also afraid that i’ll still look the same to me even if i’m down a lot

DAY 5: i want to loose weight for control over something and so that i’m not the fat friend/cousin like i currently am, i hate it. i’m doing it for me and also for society to not hate me

DAY 6: i binge. i think i do it bc i’m bored tbh

DAY 7: no they don’t bc they will stop me

DAY 8: haha i wish i worked out

DAY 9: yeah my family, doctors, an ex and a few others have made comments here and there abt my weight and it sucked

DAY 10: I gave up soda and now don’t even like the taste. i also gave up my happiness and the ability to eat without crying

DAY 11: i don’t really have one tbh, they get deleted so quick that i haven’t made an emotional attachment with any

DAY 12: breakfast- black coffee and maybe cereal, lunch- nuggets or tortilla pizza, dinner- whatever my mom makes, snacks- lots of popsicles

DAY 13: unhealthy

DAY 14: 115lbs, unrealistically halloween but realistically christmas time

DAY 15: i was vegetarian for 2 years and only eat chicken now as my only meat. it used to be more helpful when i was able to cook for myself but sometimes it would have been easier to get a plain chicken breast for dinner when out tbh. so not really sure deal for weight loss but doesn’t really hinder it

DAY 16: i first worried abt my weight when i was 9, but really developed my ed at like 13 (i’m 18 now)

DAY 17: i’m not properly diagnosed bc i can’t recover yet but i think i do, if not i have hardcore disordered eating

DAY 18: PIZZA! i love it and can’t resist it no matter how hard i try

DAY 19: 5hrs ago (dinner- 4 nuggets, ketchup, 1/2 cup watermelon (yes i eat like a toddler))

DAY 20: i forget the name of it but it was slightly higher calories which was nice to do during the school year so i still had energy but could loose weight

DAY 21: medium for most clothing, normally i get a large/xl so it’s oversized. 8/10 for jeans at american eagle lol

DAY 22: 131.8lbs. i gained weight bc i moved and lost motivation and then covid hit so i was surrounded by family so i gained back up (160lbs) but am almost there again

DAY 23: obviously, media sucks most the time tbh

DAY 24: i think that it was bad in 2016 and on twt bc they truly are pro, but i feel like most people i see on tumblr now aren’t actually pro, they just want a community and to feel seen and safe. i think that no one should try to force an ed on anyone at all though, it’s one thing to find a community but to drag others in is bad (if you see pro ed stuff on my page, please tell me what it is so i can remove it. i tried to remove any pro stuff i could find from my page. i won’t remove my stats though bc those are rare and i use those to track my progress, that’s my only slightly pro thing hopefully)

DAY 25: i tried, i don’t have a gag reflex though

DAY 26: being skinny enough that i can wear what i want and eat what i want and have a partner that won’t struggle to pick me up

DAY 27: by binging lol, idk i just try to avoid it as much as possible

DAY 28: yessss, it’s been my goal since i found out what it was, it would be amazing. also no thigh chafing during shorts season

DAY 29: beauty is in everyone. it is what makes each person special and unique. i think everyone is beautiful in their own way. please remember you are beautiful and that beauty can be exemplified even more with confidence in yourself. care for yourself as much as you can, everyone is beautiful.

DAY 30: my stats are still the same and my 10 facts:

i’ve moved 8 times

i graduated valedictorian but still can’t spell

i have a boston terrier named sweet potato pie

i prefer to go by the name sam

my pronouns are she/her

i love going to concerts, my fav has been the 1975 and my next ones are Bleachers and Harry Styles

i tried to recover 2 years ago and totally failed

my best friend first talked to me just bc her dad said she wouldn’t and it was friendship since then

my favorite color is green (even before it was trendy) and my room is painted green

i’m going to college in less than 2 months

thank you to everyone that read all that. i love you all. please stay safe and recover if you can. i’m always here to talk. stay safe everyone!

#anna #tw ed stuff #pro ania #anarecia #ed tricks #tw ed behavior #tw ed content #ana relapse #not pro just using the tags

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purple-ktj · 4 years

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Asks Compilation Pt. 4

EpiphanyxWinterBear’s first anniversary celebration part 3/3!

We’re celebrating by answering your asks. Also being the clown that I am, I was waiting for Taejin to come on live or post a selca, but we’re obviously not getting anything so I’ll continue being a clown and just stream Epiphany and Winter Bear while I write this up.

Posting this first so I can take my time and enjoy Dynamite’s teaser photos later on!

Have some recent Taejin as a starter.

Q1. Hello! I wanted to ask about a photo. It's this post Jin made about covering Jimin with his shirt because Jimin was sleeping shirtless. It was back in 2013/14. One of the Taejinnies said that Jimin posted in Fancafe the same day with a Vmin selfie. And in that Tae was wearing the same shirt Jin said was his. So Tae decided to wear it afterwards? The shirt looks the same in the pic. I haven't seen the original post because I couldn't find the date. So is this genuine? Do you know?

A: No sorry, I don’t know about this. Anyone else who does, help anon out?

Q2. hello! ~ i’ve been on twitter for several months now, and something i’ve noticed is there are a LOT of korean taejinnies. i mean, a lot, they’re really sweet too. it makes me wonder if fully understanding korean culture makes a difference in the way people view ships. idk, not much point to this ask, just an observation. i would love to have a k-army’s perspective on this��💓

A: Hello! I was wondering about it too, they certainly would know better. I’m waiting to meet and have a nice chat with some lovely K-army Taejinnies too. I’m curious how they feel about it. Also I’m sure the fansites have plenty of Taejin photos in their collection which we’ve never seen before, one of them recently posted a beautiful photo of them during MMA 2019. (An excuse to share this fs photo because it kinda hits differently, seeing their back view together)

https://twitter.com/flyV1230/status/1289839957725474817?s=20

Q3. I was going through your last post. And I saw that someone talked about defogging their mind after being a Taejinnie in 2017/18. I have seen a no of comments like this under various Taejin videos too. Like you said, I don't understand why they are still consuming content which implies a romantic relationship between Taejin? But I later see that many of such users are either other Jin/Tae shippers. Why come back to see Taejin and comment like this unless their relationship confuse you?

A: I’ve heard from other Taejinnie friends that popular YouTube Taejin channels get bombarded by nonsense too. I’ve avoided and deleted quite a number but I have to admit, I’m only human and it does get on my nerves that I ended up publishing that one in my last ask. I don’t know if it’s confusion, insecurity, lack of moments from their ship or whatever, but I suppose they must be really bothered that they feel the need to denounce Taejin instead of focusing on their favourites.

Q4. "Who are you to decide?" Yah, Jin. Who are you to decide? Tae will decide what is to be put on your lips, not you. He, along with you, owns them as well.

A: Publishing this only because you made me laugh.

Q5. Since there’s word limit I’ll just get to the question I’m sorry but I don’t remember the interview’s name but the tension btw tj is so obvious. Tae fiddling with his belt while gently massaging Jin’s shoulders. Idk what was going on in Tae’s mind and the sudden camera flip made it even more obvious. What are your thoughts on this interview. Once again really sorry that I can’t find this interview hope u know what interview I’m talking abt. Anyways love u and ur blogs stay happy forever💜

A: You mean iHeart radio interview here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OzNJdWbH4U

Yeah I agree this was pretty unbelievable. I think we’re on the same page on this? It’s half funny and half painful to watch because once or twice, Tae’s fingers were really at the edge of his pants nearly slipping in while he was happily squeezing Jin’s shoulders. His hands did not leave Jin’s shoulders even once after he put it there, not when Jin was animatedly talking. I think you probably also noticed the part where Jin saw the screen in front of them (not the laptop) and he was so painfully aware of what was going on, he gulped. Yoongi noticed as well, he did pointedly look at Tae for a few long moments, and Jin was flustered trying to distract himself. The screen flipping and ‘glitching’ probably wasn’t a coincidence either? I don’t know, but to me it seems like Tae was too obvious fiddling with his belt and the tension was rather palpable so it was released that way.

Q6. Watching videos from their debut days I realised how obvious both of them were. Both getting flustered and staring at each other for a long time then coughing because they realised they were staring at each other without saying anything for a long time. I wonder how much more obvious they’d have to be for people to believe in them. But doesn’t matter because people’s opinions on tj don’t play any significance. Baby tj were so cute and awkward while the tj we have now are so domestic. Anyways ily

A: I agree with you wholeheartedly! At this point, it doesn’t matter what they do. Selective people will be selective. Taejin and Taejinnies don’t have anything more to prove or convince. I love how there’s that beautiful curve of growth in their bond over the years and I’m still looking forward to how it’ll develop in the future. They still have some awkwardness between them now, though it’s a different kind than before. The holding back kind? Compare the hugs from BV4 to Run episodes to the 2 second snippets in their DVD and that cuddling clip. The gap is incredible, because if you think about it, Vmin, Jinmin, Jinkook, HopexML hugs are really consistent in comparison to Taejin’s hugs.

Q7. Love ur work here. Although I love it when taejin get jealous it’s somewhat painful to watch. Run episode 59 and 60, it was painful for me to watch tae like that and how Jin just walks away with his head down when tae is hugging someone else, not because he’s jealous but maybe because he knows that no matter how much he wants to hug his tae in front of everyone he won’t be able to do it. Although I love jelly jin and tae sometimes it becomes too much for them to bear. Anyways love ur blogs ly 💕

A: Jealous Jin doesn’t appear very often so when it does I can’t deny I do take pleasure in it. Hahaha. Episode 59-60 was about this though? Tae was pretty upset with the lack of attention by Jin even though they were just sitting next to each other. But yes Jin does hold back a lot and doesn’t approach or go near Tae even if he’s truly concerned and wants to comfort Tae by hugging him in certain situations.

Q8. Not an ask but I absolutely love their dynamics. It’s like one day they’re about to kiss with their foreheads touching, just an inch away from kissing each other while the very next day they pretend like they don’t know each other and I don’t blame them for that. They would’ve definitely been asked to calm things down but sometimes it makes me sad watching them stay away from each other. Maybe it’s impossible for us to get a taejin live but they’re happy together and that’s what matters ly 💜

A: I feel you. As long as they’re happy.

Q9. Honestly I just want to say thank you for creating this blog that nothing but only about taejin. Despite of your busy life and all other daily activities, you have made us taejinnies are so happy with every single ask and posts. Please stay healthy. I have to ask you this before I go that have you ever had a second thought sometimes taejin is not real?

A: Welcome! Happy to share the Taejin joy. Yes, back when I was a baby Taejinnie last year. It lasted for a few months, trying to figure it out. It’s been more than a year since I first discovered them and I’m good now, fine enough to be running a blog about them.

Q10. Just very curious about your opinion on this: do you think that the other boys do stuff to cover up taejin's antics? lol. Maybe jikook doing a bit more fs (like in the graduation spring day), or some of them wearing matching clothes, or the interlocking bracelets we saw for a brief while on hobi and jimin. Some just feel a bit too peculiar to not mean anything at all. Not to discredit the other's friendship, but I do believe taejin are special, so it would make some sense, idk.

Oh, and about the interlocking bracelet, I can't remember if you've talked about this before, so I apologize if u did. But I've noticed jimin and hobi wearing one too, right after tae gave up on wearing his, so it seems very strange to me, as jihope wore theirs for literally once or twice, yet the cartier one was so special for tae. I assume they all knew it,since he wore it for 2 years. A sidenote: please be careful on misinfo,tae's ss on phone was of jk not jin. I don't think he'd risk it.

A: They do disrupt Taejin’s tension when it gets too loud sometimes, all of them do. As for the bracelet, I do feel it’s peculiar, but besides it’s random appearance there’s nothing else that would suggest anything out of place. So I can’t say much. It could be the same, or it could be not. The only thing that’s for sure is that Tae wore his, personally gifted by Jin for nearly 2 years. Taejin has done stuff way louder than this bracelet that I don’t see a motive behind Hobi or Jimin wearing it for any reason related to Taejin. Not that I’d know for sure, though.

As for your concern, like I said, they’ve done stuff much louder and questionable, ‘risking it’ is no stranger to Taejin. A phone wallpaper is just that, the other members sometimes have each other’s photos as their wallpaper as well. I understand you have good intentions with the misinformation warning, but provide proper sources if you’re going to do so. I don’t know which JK wallpaper you were referring to, but I was talking about this (thanks @kimstsworld):

Q11. Imagine TaeJin recreating all of their older pictures together…

A: I don’t want to because it’ll make me cry…

Q12. What are your thoughts about Taejin moments in Run EP:88? Jin saying 'My taehyung, How have you been?' several times and using his hug as a distraction to put stickers on Tae's back. Tae fighting initially, but then going fully pliant in the hug. And answering in a soft voice. Please tell me that it's not me reading too much into it. This is a very obvious moment right...? 😣

A: I don’t know about obvious but Tae letting Jin hug him and he didn’t even realise that Jin really put stickers on his back is the cutest. Later on after Tae saw his back in the mirror and realised Jin did that, he was all sulky when they passed by each other. “Aish hyung, you really…” That was really really cute. Obvious how soft Tae is for Jin, yes? And how Jin is very well aware of it.

Q13. I have a doubt. Is it to Tae that Jin usually says 'Our/My Taehyungie'? I have heard him address the other members with 'uri' too. But not as often as he does with Tae.

A: I think he has done it with all the other members before. He’s always said they’re all his babies. But I’m pretty sure he says it to Tae the most.

Q14. There's one moment that's one of my fav, but I don't see many people talk about. It's the one during a concert encore and the boys were about to bow. Jin had sweater paws and Tae was waiting to hold his hand. So Jin just shoves his hand in front of Tae. And Tae makes sure to push Jin's sweater up and holds his exposed hand. Jin had this beautiful smile after Tae did this. It makes my heart warm whenever I watch this but I can't describe why. I wish I was good with words. 😔

A: I understood it perfectly! I think that’s because they have countless moments… just this year we’ve had an abundance of Taejin despite Covid so it’s really easy to miss out some. I remember that moment very well.

Q15. Can you believe that there used to be a time when TaeJin didn’t flirt during So What and just stood around looking lost? I wonder what started it all…

A: Can you believe I actually made a whole post about this…? The existing YT compilations cover certain dates and only the heated moments so I took things into my own hands and compiled everything in order, even when they did nothing. Just to see how it all developed and ended.

Q16. During a JP concert, Tae went on one knee and gave Jin a flower during Just One Day right? And the lines were 'Just one day if I can be with you'. And it was the same one where Tae took Jin's ball, kissed it and gave it back. Maybe he was joking around. But sometimes I feel like it was significant. What do you think? I have seen Vmin shippers claim this moment. Saying Tae was presenting it to JM. And that Jin was interfering and took it for himself. But in the video Jin and Jimin were singing together. Tae then turned Jin by his shoulder to face him and presented the rose on one knee. So it must be to Jin right? How can it be to Jimin? He didn't push Jin aside. Tae turned him towards himself. Now that I think about it, there's quite a lot of Taejin moments taken by other shippers to make it into theirs. And they always portray Jin or Tae as the interfering one. 🤔 I have seen even Tae X gg member shippers use Taejin moments.😅😅

A: To be honest, anyone with eyes and reasonable deduction skills should be able to see what kind of moment it was. If it was meant to be a joke, someone would have laughed. Especially when Tae went down on one knee and ‘proposed’ to Jin with a flower, nobody laughed. In fact Jin was all shy and Tae was very pleased that his gesture was accepted. I don’t really have any comments about that, Vmin are BFFs and have no lack of their own sweet moments. I haven’t seen any of those personally but I guess they exist and it can’t be helped.

Q17. Hey I love ur blogs and stay healthy forever. They r really subtle in what they’re doing like holding hands in a group hug in bbc, looking at each other through the big screen and all. I have this small doubt Jin during the bbc was reading the comments and he read I LOVE V and then read abt his own comments which the others pointed out to be made up by Jin himself. Do u think that the I LOVE V comment was also made up by him or was it genuine fan comment. Btw we all know Jin does love his vv ily

A: Jin does love his V indeed but I have no idea about this. I wasn’t paying attention to the comments section at all. Even if he did make up that comment and said ‘I love V’ out of his own will, I don’t think anybody’s surprised anymore lol.

Q18. Hey absolutely love ur theories. I feel like they’ve been dropping hints from the very beginning. The interlocking bracelet, Jin revealing that they showered together, tae calling jin without honorifics, tae licking his lips when he’s with Jin on stage, Jin allowing tae to touch his face and manhandle him and so much more. I have watched other ship videos too but none of them caught me like taejin like there’s something special abt them. I sometimes can’t watch their scenes without getting shy💜

A: Hello! I can’t watch Taejin’s piggyback in Metlife without closing my eyes. Other Taejinnies I know can’t watch their ABO moment and Jin moaning while being piggybacked by Tae at BWL encore stage. Some can’t watch Tae’s birthday video for Jin in 2018. Amusing, really.

Q19. Today, I saw a taejinnie(I want to say their @, but I dunno if it will make them uncomfortable, so I hope they're not mad that I didn't credit them if they somehow comes across this post☹️), make a post about this video of Jin's tarot reading on his love life. I'm not someone who believes in such things. But it looked fun. So I went ahead and watched it. They talked about how wonderful his relationship is. How it's a long term one and there's so much teamwork and trust involved. Jin's partner is a co worker. They make lots and lots of money together. They have a intense and sensual chemistry. Talked about how they really gets e/o. Jin acts like the younger one in the relationship. His partner is responsible and mature and takes care of Jin. The description really reminds me of Tae. Like the amount of times we have seen Tae do it? Tae taking off his hat to cover Jin. Tae adjusting Jin's seatbelt. Feeding him. Bringing plates for him. And so much more.

A: This, I REALLY have to thank you for telling me about this. A friend of mine helped me search for the videos you mentioned and I had a really good time being entertained by the tarot readings for Taejin. We’re not the type to take these things seriously either so we watched for fun, and it turned out to be pretty funny. The whole reading is too long to describe here but I get what you mean by the description fits Tae and Jin to a T. I also saw a comment on Twitter somewhere that a tarot reader did a reading for Jin, and Tae’s name came up twice that it caused her confusion, (can’t for the life of me remember where) if anyone knows about this video could you kindly link to me? I’d like to watch for fun.

If anyone’s interested, here’s the link.

Jin’s - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xX23H1euug&t=23s

Tae’s - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5ZwCktqxGo

Of course, just like everything else on my blog, take it with a huge pinch of salt, this is all only for fun. Some of these tarot readings are entertaining, and some readers discredits their friendship or demeans certain members.

Q20. Today's 'Seokjinie' in the VLive. In the past, Tae has slipped quite a lot, using banmal when addressing Jin. But ever since that vacation in 2019, their domesticity has sky rocketed. Tae's using informal speech often now. Seokjin-ah. Seokjinie. I've noticed so many K-Taejinnies talk about this too. Asking Jin if he should give Tannie a sibling. Married culture. 😌😌

A: I don’t think he slipped but it’s probably a habit now? Post vacation habit, he was more careful about it before. I’ve been wanting to do a post about their post vacation period… one day when I have time hopefully. It really looks like domestic bliss? He’s done the kids talk a few times now? “In the future when kids ask who’s left in the Gwangsan Kim clan? Kim Taehyung and Kim Seokjin!” too. Waiting for them to reveal Tannie’s brother Kimchi lol. Also, are there any K-Taejinnies reading this? I’d love to have a chat.

Another Taejin photo in this wordy post.

Q21. I really love the Taejin moments in 2019 season's greetings. Tae immediately answering Jin as the one who made him laugh the most. Then crossing it to write Tannie. The members laughing and teasing Jin saying he lost to Tan. If Jin had a tail, he could have won. When Tae was talking about going on trips in Seoul with his family. Jin immediately assumed Tae was talking about them. Tae using Jin's satoori to talk to Tan. Just ahhhh! 😣😣

A: D.o.m.e.s.t.i.c b.l.i.s.s. I especially love Tae using satoori to talk to Tannie.

Q22. I hope that people realize and understand that they are so much more than just a ship.

A: 🙏

Q23. Hey, absolutely love your blogs, tysm for hard work. I have this one question abt their burn the stage fight. The fight like u said was not just abt the choreo, but do u in any way think that the reason why they included the fight was to distract the audience into thinking that they’re not close to protect and hide their relationship. As yoongi said they do fight a lot, but do you think that any other fight of theirs also got recorded but were not shown except for taejin to protect them. Ilysm💜

A: Hello hello! Maybe true to a certain extent? I still think it was an unfortunate incident that got caught on camera and it wasn’t directed or edited by BH. But this documentary series was also aired after Taejin’s matching brown hoodie saga in the airport. And also this selca:

It’s entirely possible. And if it’s indeed so, it sorta worked very well from 2017-2018? I came in 2019 and I myself was convinced they’re on the least closest terms after watching Burn the Stage and BV1. There was a lot happening in 2017 around the time they aired this series, from the graduation vlive to the AMAs vlive.

Q24. What do you think started the So What moments? Why is it only them at that specific point in the song? Why the same lines and verse? Why do they get so bold? What is it about that song and verse that they choose to do so? I think it is because of the meaning of the song. The verse literally translates to not caring regardless of what people say. They do not care of the media and other prying eyes, telling them what is wrong and what is right. What do you think?

A: You basically answered your own question. Stage performances are a way for them to express themselves in public within acceptable social norms so this is part of it I guess? Since it’s not just So What, but Pied Piper, DNA, Save Me, Lost, Spring Day, etc. Jin has sung that bit in Answer to Tae before, “You have shown me I have reasons I should love myself.” And in DNA, “Because we’re forever, baby.” It’s pretty obvious they mean it when they sing it to each other and they can be as wild as they want under the guise of fanservice.

Q25. I strongly disagree with the anon who said even non shippers think taejin arent as close.. i think at this point everyone knows they are close and you cant ignore it. people might dismiss their moments but they do melt over their cuteness and flirtiness and touches and stage moments.. even bts said once that taejin are inseparable, so even if people dont ship taejin, not so many people think theyre not close, we are way past that stage

A: I think it depends on where you look. Youtube, tumblr, instagram and twitter Army are pretty different. Some are just really clueless because they don’t pay attention, and they probably don’t pay attention because it’s not their biases. But yes I agree recently I see wide forms of acknowledgement by non Taejinnies that Taejin are close, as compared to back in 2017.

Q26. "seokjin-ah i love you so much" is one of the loudest moment of any bts duo and i think it should be considered louder than even pied piper and so what. its pure and raw and real and he wrote it just after thanking seokjin for taking care of him and worrying about him. Its intimate and real. The only person taehtung wrote i love you to in the festa messages is jin, literally no one else - thats a big deal.. and of course, calling him seokjin-ah and not hyung.. its such a beautiful moment..

A: The level of domesticity and intimacy in that one message really is a lot. If Pied Piper makes me shy and blush because they're so clear with their intentions towards each other, this message makes me want to curl up and cry at how much they love each other and just wish them a lifetime of happiness. It feels and sounds like something you'd say in a wedding vow. (Am I exaggerating? Don't think so) It’s really a huge deal. And, it’s not the first time they’ve done this type of love confession.

Q27. about the hand kiss moment- i actually remember reading somewhere that seokjin said they were supposed to say something to taehyung but taehyung loomed so cute and prince-y so he just kissed his hand.. i cant remember where ive read it but its another cute proof that seokjin started the whole thing and also shows how much he was uwuing because of prince taehyungie

A: Really? I didn't know that! He really was so adorable in his Prince getup and deserved all the kisses he got. That hand kiss from Jin was pretty unique and quite unexpected. He did initiate the whole "kiss Tae train" didn't he? Also it's not the first time, there's that footage of him kissing Tae's cheek to wake him up too, with all the other members.

Q28. oh taehyung sure does manhandle seokjin but lets not forget how seokjin manhandles taehyung A LOT.. and that makes it even realer in my eyes, they have a mutual relationship

A: Oh yes. The only difference being how gentle Jin is with Tae most of the time, but Tae just goes for it and manhandles him roughly, tackling him to the floor and all. It's adorable.

Q29. Hello~ would you please write about the newly released Jingle Ball behind the scene. It seems like the body gesture when they are sitting together is sooo cute (tae manspreading while Jin just shy and timid)

I’m not sure what I should write about this? Lol. Tae manspreading, going “Ohh yeaaahhhhh”, with that… expression on his face, hand on his crotch, Jin’s (or is that Tae’s?) bag wedged in between them, Jin looking at him, I imagine he’s thinking “I love you but please behave.”

In conclusion: married.

Q30. Tae's 'Mufasa! Mufasa!' from Jin's birthday Live and the 109 Run episode... It was part of Jin's lines and Tae did not forget…

A: I saw posts about this and admittedly was slow to see the link. I don't think Tae ever forgets anything related to Jin?

Q31. It's really fascinating how Tae and Jin have mimics e/o quirks, mannerisms, satoori, lil gestures. They have perfected e/o way of speaking too. 😌😌

A: I think I replied to another ask with d.o.m.e.s.t.i.c b.l.i.s.s and same goes to you too. Recently I've noticed Tae sits with his legs crossed more often compared to him manspreading and it did remind me of Jin. Besides the mirroring and matching clothes.

Q32. Have you ever considered writing fan-fiction? Multiple things tell me that you would be really good at it.

A: I may or may not have something floating around AO3? I am flattered though, thank you.

Q33. Hi. I just wanted to know about this one thing. Sometimes when I’m watching taejin, there are a lot of times when I feel awkward and embarrassed to watch certain moments. Like one time in their so what performance, Jin gave tae a piggyback ride and tae did something with his leg. I feel like I’m invading their personal life. I’ve never felt like this with any other ships. Have you ever felt like that while watching some of their moments? Tysm for ur effort. Stay healthy and happy forever. Ily💜

A: We are in the same boat because I can't watch the piggyback either. Even the one in Rookie King, when Tae was hyper on Jin's back, I couldn't really watch it. It’s not cringey, but something I feel like I shouldn’t be watching. I think I'm fine with all the other moments.

Q34. FREE HUG

🥺🥺🥺

35. I am a hard core taejinnie and a big fan of ur blog. U might have seen the recent interactions of taejin in weverse where Jin said tae asked him to come but Tae didn't rly him properly asking him to wait as he is uploading jimins video. Then he posts his pics with tannie. Do u remember 2 months back Jin wanted Tae to comment and even after saying he is waiting we didn't see any response from tae but after 2 days he posted tan's pic captioning "hyung-ah what are u doing?" I find it weird that it was Tae who asked Jin to come to weverse but he kind of teasing Jin by not answering him? And both the times he posted tannie's pic. Don't you feel taehyung wants to tease Jin ? And what's up with tan's pics? Do u feel that they communicate using tannie,their son? I m so in love with this couple I can't say. I want to know your thoughts about their weverse interaction.

A: I believe that’s the first time ever he’s used the word “hyung-ah” while impersonating Tannie’s thoughts. Well… if you took out the snacks part, you’d be left with “Hyung-ah, what are you doing? I’m just bored so I came to see you. Hehe, no no I just came because I really wanted to see you.”

Can’t say I know what’s up with these weverse posts, but they do love to tease each other and Army for sure.

… Though since you’re asking for my opinion, I personally do think Tannie’s their medium for communicating with each other at times (as delusional as I may sound), who knows, really? And why not? Their work schedules and family keeps them apart at times. There’s many instances which suggest Tannie and Jin are closer and their bond is more meaningful than what we see on screen. The number of times Tae teased Jin the same way he plays with Tannie and BTS teasing Jin because he doesn’t have a tail like Tannie does? Also considering how private Tae is about his Jin photos now. Not a single peek of it, while we have the rest of BTS and Wooga gang. I probably should update my Jin x Yeontan post with these weverse updates.

Q36. Hi I just want to ask you this, Do you have Wattpad and if so do you know some good Taejin ff? (It can be Top or bottom Tae/Jin I don't mind) Also I love your Blog it's amazing 💜💜 Thank you fellow taejinnie 💜💜💜❤️ 🐯💜🐹

A: I don't have wattpad! Sorry.

Q37. Why do you think Tae asked Jin to come to weverse? To see Jimin's video? To see Tae's photos with Tan? I just don't get it. 😂

A: Neither do I! For all we know they could have been together cuddling in real life while they scrolled through weverse together and commented on each other’s posts. They can show it in private at home or text in their group chat so they’re just playing with Army probably.

Q38. Hi! What was rare about Jin during the Vlive where he was showing physical attraction to tae?

A: Nothing weird actually, and sorry I think your ask has been stuck in my inbox for months. I've finally posted the post of that vlive… nothing new though. It's just one of the first few vlives I watched where I learned that Jin isn't as straight as I initially thought.

Q39. Hey love ur hard work.It’s true that Jin is hard to read but he’s dropping huge hints from the start. Like u said he didn’t have to announce that they showered together, introducing his bracelet gift, exposing tae for sleeping in his bed,etc. but the one thing which caught me off guard was he doesn’t get this close with anyone else, doesn’t spice it up even if he does with jimin, he gets shy and walks away. But with tae he moves closer and increases the tension. I feel like Jin is the big hint💜

A: Hello! I think Jin is the main and biggest reason why many people noticed Taejin. There are many Taejinnies who are Seokjinnies. He not only lets Tae get away with everything, he also teases and flirts right back. I really love their bond!

Q40. Read your So What post. What do you think would have happened if they did kiss on stage, willing to risk it all? What if they had kissed unintentionally? How about internationally?How would they have reacted immediately after? As they have not, do you think they would do so in the future? If they do, when? If so, how do you think everyone, including BigHit, the members, the staff, ARMY, the public and media would reactor or respond? I know for a fact that there will be some form of reaction.

A: Honestly. I don’t know. If it’s unintentional, it’ll just be cute and brushed off as bromance. If it’s intentional, it’ll be under fanservice. I’m assuming we’re only talking about kissing on stage during their heated moments that they’ve built up over time. I suppose any backlash would majorly come from other shippers, and they’ll probably get severe warnings from management? Public may not take to it kindly, their hard work in breaking down boy band stereotypes might all come undone.

Some more Taejin pics to brighten you up.

Q41. "But Tae’s gaze? Eat!Jin." I love you.

A: I love you too, anon.

Q42. I wanted to know about one thing ,tae posted that thing about get out of your imagination to taekook shippers , doesn't it goes for all the shippers ,I mean he is uncomfortable with the shipping stuff ,I am kind of confused here

A: In general, don’t overstep your boundaries with shipping. All the boys see everything posted on Twitter and Weverse. He commented “get out of your imagination” to that particular Taekook post, it doesn’t mean he hates Taekook as a fun/brotherly pair. He also commented “95z is love” to a Vmin post. Army teased Tae by calling him Voo during their online gaming session and Tae’s reply was “You’re really like Jin-hyung, I won’t let you get away with this.” There is a fine line between celebrating and loving a certain pairing, and shoving that pairing in their faces.

Q43. All I thought about during your recent post was “Do Jins eyes tell?” 😂

A: I think they do! Thanks for the good laugh lol!

Q44. Winter Bear was realized on Epiphany's and 'I Purple You''s anniversary... Coincidence? I think NOT.

A: Oh no, I don’t believe in coincidences when it comes to Taejin. This is coming from the same man who used the meaning of Jin’s birthday flower in a cryptic birthday message, called Jin his Japanese crane, his ‘rain’. Jokes with Jin about ‘blue’ (whatever blue means for them). No I think not.

Q45. I read the last post, the one about the 19th May Live. I think Tae was purposely ignoring Jin's handshake because I think we all can collectively agree that Tae loves to tease and rile Jin up. Also, I think Jin was steering clear from Tae because they probably got some from the members or their managers. They were loud LOUD on stage, like there was not much holding back being done. Tae pretty much reinforced his authority over Jin and Jin being Jin by nature, became submissively meek for Tae.

A: That he does, though I don’t think they enforce any sort of authority over each other because they make each other flustered equally in different ways. Jin isn’t submissive at all, he’s a firm and decisive person. He’s just naturally kind and polite and doesn’t behave authoritatively around others unnecessarily, he prefers to make them feel comfortable. It’s just that he lets Tae get away with much more than what he usually allows for the other members. They were very loud for those few months, I agree they were probably warned by staff and members.

Q46. After all the analyses I’ve read, videos, etc. on Taejin, I can’t NOT see them romantically anymore. I know there’s a chance we’re delulu, but… I don’t think we are. Once I started seeing them as more-than-bros, things… made sense. The censorship? Tension? Occasional awkwardness? You know?! If there was just 1 questionable moment, ok. But there are so many. I can’t… unsee it. I’m using my logic and it doesn’t make sense. Friends don’t DO that. Friends don’t LOOK at each other like that. I swear…

A: Welcome to the club! I know exactly how that feels, being unable to unsee it. That it doesn’t make sense unless they’re in a romantic relationship. The more I want to deny it but the more they slap their affection in my face. It’s to the point where seeing their interactions and thinking they’re just friends is more delusional than me thinking I’m delusional for seeing them in a romantic light.

Sorry, I left out a few asks. Q47. Hey. I actually watched their Christmas gift opening live for the second time. When the members are sneakily stealing snacks and eating them, I realised that tae actually picked up one of the wet tissues Jin gifted to joonie. On the first go, when I saw tae hiding something, I thought it was another snack but then realised that there was no need for him to hide it as the whole snack bag gift was for him. Tysm for ur effort, ily💜

A: I don’t remember, I gotta re watch! All I remember from that live was Tae manhandling Jin…

Q48. people disregard "i like jin hyung the most" saying he meant he is his favorite among his hyungs because theres no possible way maknae line is included since he obviously loves them more and its just annoying. first of all, taehyung loves all the members!! why do they make it a competition and get so butthurt? Second, he never said "he is the best/favorite hyung" he literally said he likes him the most why is it so hard to believe it? bet its the same people who believe fake translations

A: It’s pretty simple, he loves all of them to death, it’s just that he singled out Jin-hyung because he’s special in the romantic sense. It’s the same as the group of people who completely twisted the translations and meaning of “get out of your imagination”.

Q49. TaeJin wearing each other's close, among many other things, makes me wanna cry

A: I have cried countless tears because of them…

Q50. Tae is the president of the 'Let's Tease Jin Hyung!' club.

A: Tae is the president of Jin-hyung club. Along with Jungkook :D

A few more Taejin photos, because why not?

Jin is the embodiment of ‘eyes dripping with honey’ here.

Alright, that’s it. Enjoy this Taejin day and have fun with Dynamite’s teaser photos later!

#vjin #taejin #taehyung #kim taehyung #seokjin #kim seokjin #asks compilation

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2p-stuff-because-i-miss-them · 4 years

Note

could you do maybe .. 2p italy boyfriend headcanons pls?? thank you !! i love the blog so far

Yay tysm~ bf headcanons for the boi coming right up, my last bf canons were too long so I hope this ones shorter.

Our favorite short glass of red wine, Luciano Vargas-

This boi really did think he was going to be the one to sweep you off your feet and take you away to a paradise.

Turns out it was you who did that

Well okay it was both-

You two probably met during the spring in park

Sounds nice but it was about to be stormy as all hell and Luciano was so visibly pissed about something it was kind of funny.

It was funnier when the sat down ignoring the weather signs and took his jacket off

It was less funny when the rain started and he curled up in a ball to start sobbing quietly, something must have happened

He couldn’t really see you, but he could sense and hear you breathing, as for you his glowing magenta eyes were burned into the back of your brain, and you thought he was really pretty lets be honest he is prettiest boi-

Maybe that's why you gave him your umbrella as to help him get a little dry, or maybe make him feel a tad bit better

Bottom line you two talked, you made him feel a bit better and you didn’t make a big deal about it, which he admired.

You went from closer than normal acquaintances to friends over the span of 7 months, then best friends after a year, it only took another month for hm to start catching feelings and getting more romantic but then it took three months before he finally kissed you under the rain to make it official.

He was all suave abt it and stuff lolo

Btw kisses with Luciano are clicks tounge top TIER

He does it all the time when he’s with you in public and private.

He likes cuddling with you everywhere too but he wont because he has an image to maintain around people ig

But damn you’ll just be sitting down chilling and he’s staring (almost glaring-) at you then he leaves and comes back behind you just to place you on his lap.

^“Luci this is a Wendy’s-”

Even if you're much bigger and/or taller than him he always wants to be the one holding you. Which is sweet but sometimes he falls down and doesn’t let go-

^“Hey Luci can you help me get down from this (slightly tall platform)?”

Ah yes bella I’ll just carry you off

“Luci no I mean can I just hold your hand until I get down as to keep balance-”

No no its fInE-

“Luci no NO WAIT PUT ME DOWN I'M TOO THICC FOR YOUR SHI-”

And then you come crashing down but at least you fell on Luciano-

As macho as this man is, he’ll lose it if you call him pretty and do light make up on him really.

He likes taking pictures of you and setting them as his wallpaper with filters and stuff, if you do the same to him he’ll die-

Luci probably already knows most if not all of your big and small insecurities abt your body and personality and he’ll praise those aspects about you every day, sometimes on purpose but usually just because he genuinely loves all of his s/o.

Now keeping this in mind he’ll also be “playfully” mean but you can’t really tell because he has the same resting bitch face the entire time he’s being playful and serious.

And you also can’t tell because he’ll be high-key threatening about it and then say “I’m joking” after you’ve panicked

He spends a lot of money on you because he’s kind of materialistic but he also tries to do the small things for you when he has time, so he can show you how much he cares outside of just spoiling you with no love in return

When Luciano is talking with you he’s very distracting, because he’s usually stroking your arm or face or messing with your hair. He does this out of habit because he thinks it’s a comforting way to say that he’s listening and/or go on but sometimes you’ll lose focus when he’s so close and making direct eye contact-

He knows he's handsome and he'll use it to get his way in arguments or conversations

^Luci no I don't want to watch that movie again please-"

*Luciano bats gorgeous eyelashes once*

"...I'll be ready in 10"

Luciano also uses italian to his advantage like this as well. He speaks so SMOOTHLY you cannot help it.

He loves to see you all flustered and cute, and that's his primary goal in all of his romantic gestures

He likes to watch romance movies often and honestly, loves movie nights in general, and would love it if you would watch sappy love stories with him.

He also likes to dance with you at night all alone in the dark. He’ll slow dance forever as long as it's with you in his arms (how romantic doki doki)

Luciano is usually always with Lutz and Kuro so you are too, and honestly-

It’s kind of terrifying because Lutz is low-key a giant man child so he’s always getting into accidents that will give you heart attacks before you remember he’s immortal-

And Kuro just sort of appears everywhere behind you, in front of you always watching silently which is unnerving

But you guys get closer during game nights every month so it's okay

Speaking of people you’re always around, Flavio is like always there no matter what, spoiling you almost as much as Luciano.

This boi loves an s/o’s honesty and genuine love so as long as he keeps getting that he’ll love you forever.

lol this def not even a lil shorter but I’ve deleted too much from it already soooooooooo

#2p hetalia #2p #2p!#2p!hetalia #2p italy #2p!Italy #2p headcanons #2p axis

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macbookpro-hard-drive · 5 years

Text

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.3

did you know that tumblr no longer has those lil.. lines that i liked to separate my notes from my fic with? i didnt. until now. unbelievable.

SO NOW I HAVE TO SUPPLY MY OWN and hopefully this is fine

anyway. ive been... dead for a while. summer destroyed all motivation to do Anything, but ive been forcing myself to write on and off and this part feels... shorter than it should be, but

anyway! i am alive! i have plans! i have things to write! some of them are never going to be on this blog bc theyre original works, but im always open to talk abt them skdfhdsfh

warnings: uhhhhhhh vague manipulation, and i think thats it? just general. squip. yea.

The last time you had seen Michael Mell as a friend had been the beginning of sophomore year. He and Jeremy sat on either side of you in his basement, clutching controllers and halfheartedly playing video games. Soda went untouched and unopened, snacks left alone, and too many times had Jeremy lost on games he knew like the back of his hand. The air had been stiff and uncomfortable, and the feeling had seeped into your nerves and bones to make your stomach turn at the thought of staying longer. Jeremy wasn’t quite there, and Michael was trying too hard to be extra present to make up for it. He became doting on the two of you - quick to refill a snack bowl that had barely been touched with Jeremy following him out of the basement. That was when you found your phone and called your parents, asking if they could come pick you up - bullshitting some excuse about how you felt sick. When Michael came down, he saw you packing up your things with a half-assed apology and a shitty acting job before you tore up the stairs and nearly rammed into Jeremy in the process. Your chest had tightened as you pushed past him with a quick apology and went to wait on the front steps outside for your mom to come get you.

That had been the beginning of the end. After that day, Jeremy had slowly stopped talking to you almost completely. Michael had tried to patch things up, to keep things going, and then he just stopped abruptly. To make things worse, you had broken down at school a few weeks after everything went silent, because you’d been alone. You wiped at your face roughly with the sleeve of your hoodie, and left the bathroom. Barely seconds after you had turned the corner to head to class, you ran straight into him - headphones on and head down - only for his gaze to find yours the moment you stumbled back. He opened his mouth to speak, and you stumbled through a rough, shitty apology before you pushed past him and onward to your class. And then you avoided him purposefully, not wanting to address that little moment of weakness you had.

And now you were sitting in front of him, eyes red and tears streaming down your cheeks as you struggled to find your voice. Your back pressed into cold metal, the lockers clanging behind you as you pulled away and tried to say something, anything to explain yourself. But Michael just stared at you, uncertain about what to say to you. Your legs were like stone, almost as if something was keeping you from darting away, from finding a safer place to land and cry and get over the tears forced from your body.

“[y/n]?” Michael finally said, still staring at you. The lights overhead gleamed off his glasses and headphones as he pulled them down and around his neck, music loud enough for you to hear. He gave you a quick once-over, his attention now fully on you. “You okay?”

You went to nod only for another sob to overtake you instead. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” you admitted after a moment, voice shaking and broken. And it was sort-of true.

“Are you sure?” He said, “hey, I, uh, I know I sorta stopped talking to you and that was kinda shitty but... I’m still here if you need someone to talk to, alright?” After a moment, he tacked on another thought, “do you need a ride home?”

Immediately, you didn’t want to say yes. It didn’t feel right to. But you’re already nodding before you can debate anything further. “Yeah,” you said slowly at first, reaching up and wiping at your eyes. Realization hit you quick. Your bag. “Shit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I, uh, kinda left my bag in the auditorium.” You hesitated to step away - you didn’t really want to go back and make an excuse to leave, to let anyone see you with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “Michael... can you-”

“On it,” he gave you a small, two-finger salute, “I’ll be back in a sec!”

As Michael took off down the hallway, you felt a pit develop in your stomach while he disappeared around the corner. Nothing felt right. You looked around for a moment, acutely aware of how silent everything had gone. When your SQUIP materialized in front of you, you avoided its gaze as you wrapped your arms tighter around yourself for a moment. The world felt a little colder, a little dimmer, and everything was off. The sound of Michael’s approaching footsteps minutes later played the steady beat for your incoming guilt-induced breakdown, and yet the boy smiled at you - as if nothing was wrong. Maybe that was because it looked like nothing was wrong. The strap of your bag was tossed over his shoulder, bouncing against his own backpack, and yet he looked at you like you were still friends.

“Thanks,” you finally said as you reached for your bag.

Michael stepped back, “I’ve got it,” he said with a smile, “don’t worry.”

You let your arm fall back to your side, only to then shove your hands into your pockets. “Thanks,” you said, avoiding eye contact for a moment.

The walk to Michael’s car was mostly quiet, with concerned glances thrown your way every now and then - that, when you caught then, were met with insecure smiles at the situation he’d been pulled into. Which.... frankly, threw you off a bit. Michael had always been the one who was better with all this feelings shit - you and Jeremy had the unhealthy habit of bottling everything up. And now Michael walked in step with you, still warm as ever - and still wearing that damn red hoodie you swore he showered in, but it still made you smile because of course Michael still took good care of it. When you hesitated for half a step upon seeing his P.T. Cruiser, he looked back at you before you shot him an uneasy smile and continued towards the passenger side. One of his moms must have given it to him - whether for his birthday or as a gift for passing his driver’s test, you weren’t sure. But the seats were still well-worn, a Pac-Man sticker stuck on the head-rest of the driver’s seat that Michael had stuck there when bored out of his mind. It was worn with age, like you’d expect it to be, but you suppressed a small smile at the fact it was still there.

If the walk to Michael’s car had been quiet (with the occasional snippit of Michael saying something about how he still feels bad about what happened between the three of you, or about how he’s kinda sorry about the walk to the back of the parking lot) then the ride to your house was dead silent. Music flooded through the car speakers, Michael’s phone resting in your lap due to him pushing it in your direction and telling you to play whatever you want, and his attention was fully on the road - the sound of his phone’s GPS spitting out directions every so often to guide him. You watched out the window, a small sense of dread resting in your stomach the entire way, and for some reason... you felt sick.

When the car started to roll to a stop, Michael reached up and turned the music down. “Hey, uh, you still have my number, right?”

You blinked at him for a moment, before pulling out your phone. “I, uh, think so?” You opened your contacts, flipping through them, “I don’t think I deleted it or anything-”

“Good,” he smiled at you, “if you ever wanna hang out, I’m, uh, pretty free since Jeremy’s busy with this whole.. play... thing.” He paused for a moment, only to follow it up quickly with “I mean if you aren’t doing anything, since - I dunno, you aren’t apart of the cast so-”

“Okay,” you cut him off, “yeah, sure - I’m only painting the set for it, so... I’ll probably try to do that during lunch.”

“I, uh,” he began, nodding towards your jacket, “I like your pin. Have you ever played the old shit?” When you shook your head, he was filled with excitement. “Dude. You have to come over then. I’ve got the classic Zelda stuff if you wanna play.”

Running a hand through your hair, you just sort-of nodded in response as you opened the car door, swinging your bag over your shoulder. “Thanks for the ride, Michael.”

You closed the car door, taking a few steps back as he pulled off and drove away, before you turned and head up to your house - pausing to notice your parent’s cars were missing. Right. Letting your bag fall down to your elbow, you began to fish through it to find your keys tucked away in the bottom of your bag, and you nearly sent the contents of your bag spilling when you went to pull it back to your shoulder. But with lightning reflexes that weren’t your own, you managed to snap into action and pull it shut before anything could spill - and when you looked up, your SQUIP was standing before you.

Huh. “... Thank you?” You zipped your bag back up, letting yourself into your house.

“You should stick to hanging out with Michael,” your SQUIP said, watching you head into your bedroom

Dropping your backpack onto your bed, you shrugged at the idea as you began to search for your homework. “I mean, sure, he’s still a cool guy-”

“Michael is close to Jeremy,” it said, as if the fact wasn’t obvious, “therefore, if you get closer to Michael, you’ll get closer to Jeremy.”

You stopped. “Isn’t that using Michael?”

“You were friends with him before. It’s rekindling your friendship that just so happens to mean you’ll rekindle something with Jeremy.” It said, “you aren’t manipulating him.”

You shook your head, setting one binder down and searching for another. “I don’t really like this,” you said, “I don’t want do hurt Michael or anything-”

“Why would you be hurting him by being friends with him?”

Thinking it over, you finally nod a little. “... I guess you’re right,” you looked down at the textbook in your hands. “It just feels wrong-”

“Don’t feel, [y/n],” it stepped beside you, turning your head to meet it’s steely gaze. “Just listen. I’m here to help you.”

Reluctantly, you nod. “... Right.”

So you did. The next day, Rich fell into step beside you - inviting you to stop acting like a loner and to sit with him and Jake and the rest of his friends. You debated taking him up on the offer for a moment, only to spot Michael sitting alone in a corner of the cafeteria. You declined immediately, not looking back as you crossed the room to join Michael. That became your routine - sliding into a seat near Michael, talking about video games and whatnot, and occasionally letting the topic slip to Jeremy as Michael had the habit of occasionally venting about the boy.

“I mean,” he started one day, pointing a fork in your direction, “you remember how he is. He’s just... so in love with her,” he shook his head, “and, I mean, yeah, it’s Christine, but he could, y’know... not abandon me every day.”

You nodded, “I’m sure he’s just blinded by his crush, Michael.”

He nodded, stabbing into his burrito bowl, “I know...” He trailed off, looking away for a moment, “I just... he’s excited about this and - and that’s great! He’s actually sort-of talking to Christine!” He smiled back at you, “every time he talks about her, he gets that stupid look on his face. He practically has heart eyes, [y/n].” He paused for half a beat, “but... y’know, I can’t blame him. He keeps talking about how she’s been helping him with his lines, and that she’s so passionate about theatre...”

You couldn’t help but smile a little at that. From your limited interactions with Christine, she seemed to be a complete sweetheart. No wonder Jeremy liked her.

“In time, he’ll like you more.” It nudged it’s way in between your thoughts, “as long as you do what I tell you to. I’ve got a plan-”

Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you busied yourself with your lunch. “Sure, buddy.”

The stern silence that responded to your tone spoke volumes. But like a knife through butter, Michael’s voice washed away the slight tension you’d begun to feel: “hey, do you still draw?”

You perked up at the question, turning your full attention back to Michael, answering with a far-too chipper “yes!” You immediately forced yourself to calm down, “yeah, I, uh, I still do. My art’s changed a lot, though,” you kind-of smiled, “I have a, uh, pretty decent following online now. I’m just glad I get to do what I love.”

Snagging his phone from his pocket, Michael went silent for a moment as he opened up his tumblr app. “There’s this artist that Jeremy and I discovered - they seem really fucking cool, dude, and they seem like someone you’d like-”

And then you were met with your own artwork, tagged with your online alias, and you had to resist the urge to immediately spill that he’d found you online after you remade your account. You could feel your SQUIP’s fingers gripping your shoulder, and you bit your tongue as you nodded, giving some half-hearted answer about how they seem cool, sure, before wondering why it had stopped you from saying anything.

You didn’t address it until later. Halfway through your homework, you looked up and pushed yourself away from your desk. “Hey.” You spoke aloud.

Within seconds, your SQUIP proceeded to materialize in front of you. “You’re speaking aloud-”

“I know,” you said with a hand wave, “my parents are still out. What was up with that earlier?”

“You shouldn’t go around saying things-”

“But it’s Michael,” you refuted, “I trust him. Besides - wouldn’t telling him that get me closer to Jeremy?”

It’s cold gaze made you shrink under pressure. “I have a plan. [y/n]. If you want to get Jeremy, you have to obey.”

“What about what I want?” You forced yourself to stand your ground, staring at the figure before you, “what if I want to do things differently?”

“You bought me for a reason.” It crossed its arms, watching you, “this is what you want, though. That’s why I’m here: to help you get what you want. And what you want is Jeremy. I’m going to help you get Jeremy, but I can’t do that if you don’t trust me, [y/n].”

Pressing your lips together, you mustered up a weak nod. Right. “Sorry,” you finally said, “I just - I’m scared it’s not going to work.”

“It will.”

When Michael invited you over the next day, you were more than happy to take him up on the offer. He began to reason it as well, Jeremy’s at play practice, before he ended up dropping the facade and admitting he still kind-of missed you and that it’d been a while since he’d kicked your ass at video games (and, fuck, the glimmer in his eyes when he said that was enough to make you agree, and you realized in that moment just how much you actually missed Michael). So he drove you to his house, letting you take complete control of the music, and then he left you in the basement to find any games you’d be interested in while he grabbed some snacks from the kitchen.

While the two of you played, you talked idly when the situation would allow it. About anything. About everything. About trips Michael had taken with his moms, about his and Jeremy’s brand new Halloween tradition of watching horror movies - usually the shittier ones - and gorging on candy, about how your parents always seemed so busy (and almost immediately Michael offered up his house for whenever you didn’t want to be alone, and you melted a little at the offer). The entire time, the room felt too quiet, even among the conversation and the music of each game. At first, you thought it was because Jeremy was missing. Things didn’t feel right without him. But it hit you, right as you were laughing at something Michael said.

“Hey!” Michael brightened up at his idea, “you should join us.” When you looked over, slightly confused, he continued, “the, uh, Halloween thing? You should join our marathon.”

You faltered for a moment, looking down at your controller. Your voice isn’t your own as you speak, saying some sort of confirmation that felt too distant for it to be you. The guilt built within you, as you pushed yourself to hide the feeling while turning your attention back to the game, back to beating Michael this round. But the thought lingered.

You were using Michael Mell.

#mj's writing corner #be more chill #bmc #be more chill x reader #bmc x reader #be more chill reader insert #bmc reader insert #jeremy heere #jeremy heere x reader #jeremy heere imagine

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decentsanders · 5 years

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I,,,, I swear I’m not trying to @ you but,,, how do you cope with that many drafts,,, I have 7 and sometimes I’m kept awake at night with the guilt

hhhhh I’m being @‘d this is a crime, calling me out for my literal hundreds of drafts-

ok but really there’s four types of drafts i have:

1. “I can’t/don’t want to read this rn so I’ll save it for later” I don’t like having these. it’s nice when i want content but i don’t want to look for it, but most of the time it’s just annoying to have and I just have to ignore it until I can deal with them.

2. “I don’t have the energy to post this rn, so I’ll save it for later” I hate having these. so much. it’s a silly problem to have and doesn’t make any sense but nonetheless, I just try to get rid of these as soon as I can. (I only have 15 drafts instead of 70 some on this blog now because of this ask thanks pff)

3. “I like this tons, and I want to keep it forever” this is most of the drafts on my main blog. i don’t really feel bad abt these ones, because that means any time I look in my drafts I get to see all of my favorite posts! with that said, im really, really trying to use my main blog tag system so that i can post everything but still feel like I have it at the ready bc that’s better than literally hoarding them. (note: i don’t let these get past 500 drafts, bc if I do I think I’ll never be able to regain control of my life sksksk.)

4. and this is the big kahuna, “I made this and I need to add to it/I made this and am too insecure to post it rn” how do I cope with these, the most important and guilt-fueling ones, you may ask? i ignore them and keep them in my drafts until I think they’re stupid and delete them. disclaimer: do not do this. it is a bad idea. im trying my best to not do this anymore bc sharing ideas is fun and often brings sweet, sweet validation.

,,,,,,,,i should be a good example and post my things now, shouldn’t I?

#not sanders sides #decent posts #asks #idk if you wanted this big of a rundown but uh #i did it so now its here neither of us can stop it sksjjsj #i also have one (1) outright unsympth deceit post that i rlly enjoy but refuse to post bc outright unsympth deceit is ILLEGAL

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royalblurryfacedbastard · 6 years

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ALSO SORRY TO QUICKLY SEND IN ANOTHER ASK BUT LIKE... oz and liam hc's or something.. I will die happy

IT’S OKAY FELLOW OZ, i got u!

- Liam is kind of a nerd as we all know and though I’d imagine he wouldn’t like Oz that much in the beginning (he’d be all tsundere abt it. nerd) he’d eventually realize that fuck. This boy’s got style and good taste and he’s just all-around great??

- He’ll make weird status updates on social media where he’s just like “is this what love feels like…?” and then he’d probably delete them out of embarrassment.

- ANYWAYS, if Oz and Liam dated they’d be kind of a power-couple I feel? like they’d be stylish as fuck together and Oz would be the translator for people if they hang out with them and Liam and Liam starts babbling nonsense. Because that happens sometimes.

- Oz is as mentioned before kind of a nervous wreck but with Liam they’d push that aside a little because deep-down Liam is insecure as fuck and also he likes to act like nobody understands him so Oz is just there like “hey, babe. I got u” and Liam refuses to admit it most of the time but he appreciates that so much.

- Liam would definitely force Oz to watch old classics that “the regular monster wouldn’t understand” because “’they’re too deep, too intellectual” and Oz would be fine with that. Liam loses his shit every time Oz actually understands the plot and explain it back to their bf. (I’ll let you in on a secret, fellow Oz: Liam’s secretly kinda dumb. He doesn’t actually get the plots of these classics but he acts like he does to be cool.)

- Here’s a cute headcanon: Liam doesn’t eat, right? Like he’s a vampire so he doesn’t eat. He and Oz still go out for dinner sometimes though and Liam has been caught looking happily at Oz so many times it’s ridiculous. He just loves looking at his s/o doing random things like eating sometimes. He wouldn’t admit that, though. Ofc.

- Liam is the blushiest mess in the world when Oz shows him pda, like when Oz grabs his hand in public he turns completely red in the face and stutters. He finds that very embarrassing tbh because he doesn’t want anyone but Oz to see him lose his cool

This is all I could think of atm, it’s not much so feel free to hmu if you want some more headcanons! Hope this is alright anyhow!

#liam de lioncourt #monster prom #headcanons #my writing #oz-yellow #oz yellow #oz #oz x liam #ship #ask #answer

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madzenhaisof · 2 years

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Back real quick but I’m not talking abt a single girl this time is abt all girls vs me. Basically I like to think of myself as a pretty confident person sometimes or at least when it comes to most things but it seems like that doesn’t show when I talk to girls.the thing is tho I don’t think it’s a lack of confidence, some of it is anxiety of course and the other bit is I don’t know what to say most of the time. That plus the anxiety fucks me up. But I’ve seen guys like me or even worst than me get girls, so it doesn’t make sense to me. Either the right girls or girl for me doesn’t live here or I’m just ugly af. But I swear I’ve seen dudes uglier than me I swear it man. I hate feeling insecure and like I lack something because I love myself too much to believe shit like that abt myself. I think I’m fucking amazing. But it doesn’t matter to other girls tho. I just want to experience shit man. 25 yr old virgin who’s barely even kissed a girl I’m such a loser. And I see ppl that have a personality that everyone likes or wants or a body a face something that makes ppl want them and I just get so fucking jealous so fucking jealous. I just wish someone thought of me the way I’m able to think of them that’s all. I’ve basically given up on hooking up with girls for experience. One I’m bad at it, two I get more attention from men than women, 3 I think I did lose a bit of confidence from all the times I’ve been rejected and shut down. Not sure how to get that shit back man. I wish I could just show my full self too everyone I meet and talk to. I try I really do man. Maybe I’ll try to talk to more ppl that I feel like I have a hard time talking to instead before I venture out into talking to ppl I don’t even know. But I’m deleting my dating apps. I can’t handle the mental health issues it’s causing me. I’m meant to hopefully get married at 35 and lose my virginity like 40 yr old virgin sigh. Thought I was a little bit more than that but I guess not. Thought this be short but I guess I had a lot more on my mind than I thought. I think I’m done I feel better feeling like myself again. My worth isn’t based on fucking women screw them honestly. Think they too hot for me man I hate this shit. Going back to staying away from women I can’t do this anymore.

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hua-fei-hua · 4 years

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Extra Notes: Rhythm of the Heart Ch. 5

chapter available on ao3 and ff.net

i originally only chose bubble tea by dark cat bc this was a chapter abt krbk going out on a date. they weren’t actually gonna get boba, but it was a fun thing to title a date chapter

i do really like the lyrics i picked, though. “i can’t explain this kind of love / it pulls me to you, i want it, i can’t get enough / so share this precious life with me / just take my hand and let’s enjoy the things that we’ll see”

i like the bit “just take my hand and let’s enjoy the things that we’ll see” for krbk esp. bc as the fic progresses, holding hands is gonna become like their Thing(tm)

i actually found this song by kind of hopping around youtube and listening to indie songs in my recommendations list

this chapter ended up much longer than i expected it to be, and half of it was written by hand to counter some writer’s block

this probably won’t be the last “krbk goes out on a long walk to talk about their fake dating thing and ends up going on for much longer than i, the author, expected it to” chapter, since i have a personal fondness for long, dramatic walks that consist of talking about feelings thanks to the two years i spent out on long walks with my sister, listening to her dramatically question her sexuality

she’s bi, by the way, and honestly spending all that time listening to her bring up things that always resulted in me telling her “that’s a bi thing” is one of the reasons i let the characters i hc as bi (which is. a lot.) be either visibly bi, or talk about it at some point

in the two or three days between first really meeting cody my almost-fake-boyfriend and asking him to be my fake boyfriend, we developed a similar sort of routine to krbk that kiri mentions at the start of the chapter, where i’d wave at him and he’d nod and grin back at me when we passed in the halls, and that was fun. that was good.

this chapter was originally going to be pretty short, since i’d expected to have covered all the fake dating behavior stuff in chapter three, and so this chapter would just be krbk going out, kiri babbles about whatever for a while, maybe get into a bit of bkg’s home life, and then it would end when they sat down to eat and kiri’d ask abt the shiketsu thing

in real life, talking w/cody abt what would happen and how we’d act if we fake dated for one night also went in other relevant directions instead of being able to cover how we’d act, so i guess it makes sense that it sort of happened in the fic here too haha

they were also originally going to get pho for their date, and i’d be able to reference the fact that kiri was raised by viet lesbians in this au, but i did change it to ice cream bc while the pho place isn’t run by anyone in particular in this au (and it also doesn’t come back as a location), the ice cream parlour, as you may have been able to gather, is run by sir nighteye, and will be a recurring location in this fic

i was actually almost first done with chapter at ~1.8k words when i decided to scrap the whole thing and do a rewrite bc i couldn’t stand the characterization

mostly, i just made kiri too shy and awkward and adjusted his characterization to be more in-line with the “shithead who’s just kind of insecure/sensitive deep down inside” picture i’d been going for in moment

there are also a couple deleted scenes in this chapter that i’ll talk about when we get to where they would’ve been

considering the fact that it’s june at the time of me drafting up this post (and probably? publishing this chapter) as well as the fact that i don’t keep track of the daily temperatures, i ended up sitting at my computer thinking, “does it hit eighty degrees fahrenheit at the start of december?” and ended up asking my friend was like, “yeah i think sometimes, but it’s usually sixty or seventy” and i was like “oh yeah but it’s also california, man; didn’t we get some ninety degree decembers in the past?” and he was like “oh yeah, yeah we did”

to be fair, it’s never too cold for ice cream

“the crosswalk beeped loudly, letting them know it was safe to cross” so this one time, i was hanging out w/one of my underclassmen, and she started complaining abt the fact that the crosswalk beeped when it was time to cross bc she found it annoying, and i was like “that’s actually for blind people to know when to cross” and she was like “:O”

i also like having the beeping bc i zone the FUCK out

i was originally going to keep the reveal that baku’s partially deaf in this au for much later in the fic, but i ended up just going “ehhh is there a point to that?” and letting it happen when the opportunity came up

i’ve been foreshadowing it for a while now. earliest bit came from the start of chapter two, with “a weirdly muffled version of linkin park’s numb playing in [kirishima’s] head”

i mostly base bakugou’s deafness here off of that of youtube musician andrew huang, who says that one day, his right ear just had everything sound kinda tinny, that it mostly affected the bass, and that it all kind of comes and goes.

the side preference thing comes when walking comes from a friend who had some hearing issues in our freshman year. we had pe together and would often talk in class, and she had a preference for having people walk on her right side, which, combined with me being typically on the right of a parade block, probably influenced my own very strong preference for walking on a person’s right side now

forgot if i mentioned this in the notes for rhythm specifically, but i did actually come up with class schedules for all of the 1-a and some of the 1-b kids for this au to make sure they stay consistent throughout both this n moment

that being said, i realized when writing this chapter that i mentioned kaminari as having the same first period as kirishima, which is inconsistent w/moment and just not accurate to the schedules i spent literal hours devising, so i had to go back and change it. shame on me

i wanted to go outside, sling my arm around a friend who’s a bit taller and stronger than me, and see if i could properly sync my steps with them on my own for this chapter, but like. quarantine. :c

having kiri do this was my way of portraying him as a more physically affectionate person, especially compared to the first draft of this chapter, where he was generally a bit too afraid to really touch bakugou. like, if anyone’s gonna be touch starved here, it’s probably bakugou

“you don’t really have any friends, right?”

i realized when planning this fic and going around figuring out who knew what that outside of the bakusquad, i have absolutely no idea who bakugou’s friends would be, and since the bakusquad is currently fragmented in this au (though primarily centered around kiri), bakugou... basically has no friends

i later did realize, “oh hey he and jirou would make a pretty kickass team,” but didn’t really think that they’d have the relationship where bakugou would feel the need to tell her abt the fake dating thing

in this chapter, i kind of decided he’d probably get to the point where “okay, maybe he does realize it’s good to be able to tell someone about this and mentions it to jirou at some point”

admittedly, i did that about 35% because what jirou knows is a plot point in both rhythm and moment, and i looked over my outline and realized, “fuck, when DOES jirou find out?”

i thought about editing it into rhythm 3, but then it just didn’t flow so well, so then i tried rearranging the timeline, which i did do a little bit, but then there was a knowledge paradox, so i just settled for putting it into this chapter

i really like the bit where baku’s pushing kiri’s face away bc they have such a snarky bit of dialogue there

i did kind of push at my own face to see if it would make sense for kiri to bite bakugou’s hand and yeah, the pinky finger practically just shoves its way into your mouth like that. 10/10 research

why DOES kirishima still have pointy teeth in this au? the answer is i don’t know, and it really doesn’t matter this ain’t the real world

“isn’t [absorbing me, bakugou into your friend group] just going to make the fake breakup messy” “not if we say we decided we’re better off as friends”

so, in all my elaborate plans and backup plans and backup plans for my backup plans for my own fake dating shebang, one of the scenarios i prepared for was, “what if somehow, word got out at our own school that cody and i were ‘dating’?”

the answer was obviously “keep pretending for a little while, but never really alter the way we behave until eventually just kind of telling people, ‘oh we broke up. why? oh, we just kind of mutually realized we’re better off friends.’ if they ask”

and so that’s where this dialogue snippet came from :D

since the ice cream parlor is run by sir nighteye, i wanted to have the place have like a little chalkboard out front with “joke of the day” on it, but i couldn’t figure out how to work that in :c

“it’s like watching a kid in a candy shop”

there’s this one kouhai i have that always lets me pick where we sit when we go out to eat together, and the first time it happened, i just kind of ran around the (basically empty) restaurant until i settled on a dirty window booth

my kouhai was just like “it’s like watching a kid in a candy shop” and then complained about how i just had to pick the dirty table but i mean like. i wasn’t thinking that hard about it i was in Kiddie Mode picking out a location, not real estate

“we need to establish a history in case mina steals my phone or something” was originally followed up by bakugou saying, “just how fucking nosy is this chick when it comes to you?” and also took place just before the boys entered the ice cream shop

i don’t know why i gave sero calc for this au

it’s probably bc i grew up in the AP Crowd (also known as the “gifted kids” before high school), but i really like to write my characters as really nerdy too, and sero just looks like he’d be the most math-literate of the friend group

all that, and also because when making the schedules, i wanted to make sure that no class could have all of kami, kiri, sero, and mina, although a couple classes would each have different three-person combos of them. math ended up with kaminari, kirishima, and mina as a trio

sero’s also in what i like to call the “knows jack shit circle” when it comes to this fic, where he basically just knows jack shit because he’s busy with school stuff

“i can tutor you until your brain fucking explodes!”

i was rereading one of the bnha light novels-- the one that has the krbk tutoring in it-- in order to improve my dialogue for the chapter rewrite, and there was a line similar to this one in there

i stole “wink-wonk” from one of my friends, although i don’t think any of us have ever said that aloud

so, at the start of my friendship w/my squad, i came up with this idea of hanging out and calling it a “kegger”

i think the name came to me in a dream? i don’t know

we’re good kids, so it was just us hanging out at one of our houses over a break, stuffing ourselves with junk food, candy, and apple juice while we watch whatever anime the host chooses for a few hours.

no drugs, no alcohol. our only sin is the anime.

we haven’t had a kegger in a while though, not since last summer. the last thanksgiving break had everyone busy on different days, winter break had some of us at rose parade practice, and then spring break was obvs quarantine. :c

anyway, that’s basically exactly what the characters do in this au too lol

i had to make a whole-ass relationship map chart for this au to get straight who knows what and who thinks who knows what, and from there, i had to figure out how kiri n baku would individually act in situations where they were around different people w/different levels of knowledge

but then, writing this chapter i realized, “wait, most of those layers go away when talking to just bakugou, who’s under the impression that mina actually likes kiri, and the truly complicated scenario would be when they’re hanging out with her, and so then kr//mn has to basically pretend a bunch of shit” and blah blah blah

i spent a while wondering whether or not i’d let kiri tell sero that krbk was “””dating””” bc the line, “what i said about it being impossible for the three of us to keep a secret from [mina] still applies here” could be either direct or indirect foreshadowing depending on when i let him know what

the compromise has been that kiri would tell him if it came down to it

telling jirou specifically bc they hang out in the band room together sometimes is foreshadowing for both rhythm and moment

who knows what about the krbk situation is a minor plot point that does significantly affect the story of moment too so like yee

“if another girl thinks we’re dating for real, i bet we could sell it to mina faster” is a reference to the girl network

the girl network is something that came up at the end of the first draft of this chapter, with some shiketsu girls walking up to the boys and going “hey, you’re kirishima, right? we heard that ashido mina in our year has a crush on you”

anyway, that ended up getting cut, although i do plan on giving the girl network its spotlight in chapter 8, so i’ll talk about it more in those notes

“you don’t have to go along with every shitty idea i pitch your way you know” “yeah whatever”

yes, this is a joke on the fact that baku just agreed to be kiri’s fake bf w/pretty much zero context

this is a more personal joke in the fact that my google doc for all my fanfiction ideas is literally titled “shitty fanfiction pitches”

the line “what are you, a dumbass?” was originally followed by a pretty lengthy amount of dialogue that i ended up cutting for being ooc/kinda forced

“i prefer the term bakadere” “i know we’re japanese but that’s the most weeaboo fucking thing that has ever come out of your shitty mouth” and then of all things, a romeo and juliet reference, followed by dropping in the fact that kiri’s moms are from vietnam, “why isn’t your last name nguyen or some shit”

and then i got kinda stuck and just snipped it all out

“oh, you’re going on band tour over spring break, right?”

tour is a super duper duper duper duper important arc, and i realized when i first finished dividing perfect harmony into chapters that i could probably give readers whiplash by just jumping right into it with the way i had planned, so now i’ve been on a quest to work references to it into both fics

the tour arc for rhythm starts on chapter 13

fun fact about the tour arc: all the chapters are titled after abba songs that appear in mamma mia

the bit abt “pick three words to describe yourself” was taken from my plans to take my almost-fake-boyfriend out to dinner before we did the fake dating thing, to just kind of give us a crash course in each other

ofc, bc he backed out, we never had that conversation, but the three words i picked for myself were adhd, chem, and either fanfiction or mixed

adhd makes me really really really really sensitive, emotional, excitable, forgetful, and like a billion other things; chem is my major and planned subject to teach; fandom and fanfiction are my major hobbies; and being mixed gives me a lot of. interesting thoughts about culture, prejudice, and appearances.

i picked “manly, adhd, and adopted” for kirishima

manly is a reference to canon, although i considered changing it to “chivalrous” instead; adhd for the same reasons as why i picked it for myself; and adopted (by a specifically queer couple) for similar reasons to me being mixed: his home life significantly shaped how he views the world, and because as i mentioned earlier in the notes, is moms being viet (rather than japanese) gives him a sort of cultural disconnect w/his heritage

i also picked adopted bc i wanted to work that into the fic somehow too okay sue me

bakugou’s choice of “loud, competitive, and the best” i feel less compelled to explain, mostly bc i didn’t give them as much thought

“well, uh, you said ‘yes’ [to being my fake bf] for one thing”

in my senior year, i went around asking my teachers what they liked best about their s/os

my gov teacher sat there for a second, thought about it, and then said, “she said yes”

side note, but i remember my physics teacher just kind of stared off into the distance for a second, and then was like, “She’s absolutely adorkable” and that was the sweetest thing i heard that day ngl

“[your ego] is like a villainous cat that must be stroked at all times”

so cody the almost-fake-boyfriend was a trumpet player, i believe i established this a long while ago, and was very stereotypical trumpet player-- i.e. ego for days and days-- and so one day i was talking to my bff and i said basically the exact same thing abt cody, except rather than following it up with “sucks for [him], ‘cause i like dogs better,” i said, “[cody]’s just lucky i happen to like cats”

basically i said i don’t mind listening to him brag, whereas kirishima’s saying he’s not going to stroke bakugou’s ego for him

do other bands have ID units? where they take in a couple freshmen who are good at playing music but not quite up to par at marching and give them some cool looking signs to hold onto to announce the school approaching at parades? i think i’m under the impression that that’s a job that usually falls to band moms or colorguard or something

anyway, our id unit was made up of four freshmen to hold up shields w/our school’s initials, and they had all these cute little routines with the shields depending on what music we were playing at the time, and then they’d play indoors with the rest of us during concert season

because UA is only like two letters, i figured it would make sense for their id unit to only be two-- kiri n mina in their freshman year-- although now that i’m thinking about it, it would probably make sense to have more. maybe UAHS or “UA High”. idk it doesn’t matter

there was a bit around the whole “other band events” thing where kiri’s thinking abt the rose parade rehearsals w/shiketsu n ketsubutsu, and he looks up from his ice cream to focus his thoughts, “not that it worked all that well: bakugou stared back at him, his chin propped up by his elbow”

reading this chapter again, it really doesn’t feel like 4k words to me! fun fact, thanks to my speech experience, i can tell you that this is the equivalent to roughly 30-40 minutes of talking, including the natural pauses in conversation.

the next chapter does cover what happened to bakugou that had him going to shiketsu for a year (spring semester freshman year, fall semester soph year), and i actually wrote it all in one day-- the same day i finished this chapter lol.

anyway, it’ll be out next week. send me your thoughts in an ao3 comment or my askbox!!! :D

#hua's vanity #Bb notes: perfect harmony #Bb notes: rhythm of the heart #long post #p l e a s e tell me your thoughts on the extra notes these take over an hour to type out

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