#if i lose this site i will self destruct

[theprincipleofescalation]

I can't be the only one frantically scrolling through my AO3 bookmarks and downloading any and every fic I can't live without right? This is totally reasonable behavior hahahhahahaaaaaaaaahahhhhh!!!!

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Hiii can you write a part 2 for this? Maybe like he snaps out of it and realized what happened. And he remembers what reader siad and just angst

Darkness

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x Fem!reader

Word Count: 4.2K

Warnings: Angst, death, blood, mentions of ripped out hearts. Red door Elijah.

Author’s Note: Hey! Look! I'm finally posting something! There's been so many things happening and I'm just glad something is being posted. I'm slowly but surely working on the Make It Angsty Celebration requests. They're coming along with other things as well. I promise. Please note that you NEED to read Demons Within to understand what is going on with this fic. Thank you so much Anon for this request and thank you for participating in the Make it Angsty Celebration.

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

Demons Within || TVDU Masterlist

If there was one thing Elijah learned during his existence it was that magic could have a vice grip upon its target depending on the spell. Hexs sucked the light and life out of the person they were put upon. Immortality had its consequences that proved time and time again that even an original vampire could be bested with the simplest of spells. 

Many forms of magic had been witnessed through the centuries. And while Elijah had his fair share of receiving spells, there was nothing in comparison to the witchcraft his mother had put upon him. Forcing Elijah to completely experience the darkness that laid and waited just beyond the red door locked within his mind. 

Since he had awoken, the moments of darkness would come unexpectedly. The monster that lay dormant for so long was eager to play. To sink his teeth into the beauty that surrounded him. To destroy the glimpses of perfect moments that hid who he truly was. A creature that enjoyed the hunt as a sport and the blood that was tasted was the prize.  

Elijah had been able to keep his darker self at bay many times. Even with his mother’s spell intact, there was always a way to come out of it before he had done something he regretted. One thing was always for certain, his family had remained protected at all times. At least that was until the darkness consumed him. 

The simplest of conversations had triggered the monster within. He and Y/N had been talking about the safety of their family. A plan being put into motion to stop Esther once and for all. But the dormant monster’s interest had been piqued by the blood Elijah’s wife had been cleaning off of her shirt, blood from the last person she pulled a heart from. The clean up triggered the monster that she shouldn’t be hiding who she really was. 

The more Y/N spoke to Elijah about her plan, her eyes had been on the towel in her hand as she wiped the last of the blood off. She had missed the way Elijah was beginning to lose his hold on the present. She had missed the way the darkness was so eager to consume him. And when she finally noticed it, it had been too late. 

The last thing Elijah had remembered was the way Y/N slowly reached her hand up to his face. His name left her lips softly as she attempted to call him back to her.  The same maneuver she had done several times to keep him there with her. But this time it didn't work. It wasn’t long before Elijah had completely lost control of himself. 

Screams filled his ears even in the darkness. The part of Elijah that fought for control could only listen to the destruction that his body was creating. The cries for help may have brought pleasure to the monster currently at play, but to Elijah, he couldn’t even bring himself to begin to think about the damage. 

‘Lijah. It’s me. You know me. You’ve known me for centuries.

The familiarity of the voice that played through his ears should have helped. The very voice that had brought him peace was there trying to break through to him. The voice that had been embedded in his mind for centuries. During his times of being daggered it was that voice that helped him through the darkness. Yet at this very moment, he couldn’t grasp onto the hope that the voice held. 

You know me, Elijah. I can show you.

The voice was breathless. As if the person speaking was having trouble breathing. And in the darkness that surrounded Elijah, he knew he should be worried. He knew that what was happening wasn’t good. That every fiber of his being should have been fighting to stop what was happening, but nothing he did to gain control worked. 

The darkness kept him under. Held him down while he was forced to listen to the sounds that entered through his ears. Even his brain refused to let in the familiarity of the voice that he was currently listening to. The magic within him taunting him. 

You should have taken Esther's offer. 

I-it’s okay. The sweet voice played through his ears once more. The words cracked slightly and it caused an ache to fill Elijah. One that the monster didn’t or would ever understand. I’m not scared. I promise. It’s n-not your fault if you do this. It’s going to be okay. Just know that I love you.

NO!

It was the first thought that Elijah had been able to force out of the abyss. The one and only thought that begged and pleaded his body not to do this. To not do anything to the voice that had brought him comfort in the darkness. No matter how hard Elijah tried to pull himself out of the darkness, nothing worked. Nothing he tried to keep the voice safe worked. 

It wasn’t until the satisfaction of subduing a threat washed over him that he knew he failed. The ache that he felt moments before had lingered, if not grew more with each passing moment. The silence had proved he had lost the comfort of that voice. 

Elijah?

The echo of his name registered in his mind some time later. How much time had passed, he was unsure. He had no idea how long he had been held under in the darkness. But he knew that was his name. He knew the familiarity of that voice. He just had to push himself out. 

“What happened Elijah?” His sister’s voice. He knew that. He knew Rebekah’s voice. He could hear the panic in her words as he pulled himself closer to the surface. 

“It’s Esther’s spell.” Klaus’s voice filled his ears. “I’ve seen this look on him before.”

“Where’s Y/N?” Rebekah asked. Elijah could only assume that Rebekah had been asking Klaus. But the question had brought Elijah closer to the surface than he had been in hours. 

“Y/N.” Her name came out as a whisper but it was enough for him to gain the necessary control over his body once more.

He blinked his eyes a few times before the darkness that held onto him so tightly finally let go. The blurred edges of his vision finally clearing and allowed him to focus on his siblings. Klaus had been standing to his left and Rebekah to his right. Both of them had the same worried expressions displayed on their faces. 

“Are you and Y/N okay?” Rebekah’s voice was soft. She was trying to keep her voice calm. If Klaus was sure this was the spell, she didn’t need her older brother being triggered once more. 

Confusion filled Elijah at her question. He and Y/N had been fine moments ago. They simply had been discussing what steps to take to help get rid of Esther.  What could possibly have happened in the last few minutes that would have caused his siblings to worry as they were?

That was when he caught sight of his blood drenched sleeve. It rested on the arm rest of the chair in the courtyard. He had no memory of ever sitting in that chair let alone how the blood had gotten on him. Dried blood covered his arm and was even caked on his fingers. 

The more Elijah had a grip on reality, the more he noticed the smallest of details about himself. Besides the blood that lingered on his sleeve and hand, his face felt dry. No doubt from the blood that currently covered his lips and chin. While his suit may have been dark, a shade of crimson had taken front and center. The white button up ruined by a victim he was unaware of. 

“What happened?” Rebekah asked once more. 

Elijah shook his head. “I have no idea.” 

As he moved to stand, his siblings allowed him the space he needed to do so. Elijah took in his surroundings, looking for any clarification as to what happened. His eyes moved from one place to another, trying to piece the last thing he remembered. 

The rest of the courtyard had been left untouched. There was no evidence that there was an altercation of some kind. There were no bodies lingering on the floor somewhere. There was no scent of fresh blood filling his nose to indicate the death he caused had been there. 

“Where’s Y/N?” Elijah asked, looking towards his siblings. “She may be able to explain what I cannot.”

Elijah knew that this had been his mother’s doing. He had known that there was something that had caused his mind to blank. But he had no idea how long he had been under or what had caused it. Everything deep within him was telling him something horrible had happened. 

“She’s not here.” Klaus noted. “When we arrived, it had just been you.”

“I tried calling her phone.” Rebekah added. “But she left it here. I know she wouldn’t leave you while you were fighting this.” A flash of a memory passed through Elijah’s mind at her words. 

“Stay with me.” Y/N’s said as she brought her thumbs up to Elijah’s cheeks. Her thumbs moved over the veins that were forming underneath his eyes. “Elijah.”

Elijah had been fighting it off. He was trying his hardest to stay there with her. To fight the darkness that wanted to consume him. He watched as her hands moved down to his neck in a comforting touch. But the only thing the darkness registered was a threat. 

His hand quickly grabbed a hold of her arm and twisted it. As he had done so, a sickening crack played through the air and Y/N cried out in pain before she pulled herself free. He watched as she took a few steps away from him. 

In return, Elijah took several steps towards her. The only thing registering in his brain was to get rid of the threat that stood in front of him. Y/N’s eyes filled with fear for the briefest of moments before she turned and ran with him following right behind her. 

A gasp left Elijah’s lips as the memory left his mind. The details left him shaking his head in disbelief. He wouldn’t do that to her. Never in his wildest dreams would he ever hurt his wife like that. 

“What is it?” Rebekah asked, watching her brother’s face change with his emotions. 

“I hurt her.” His voice carried his disbelief and he hadn’t missed the look of shock on his siblings as the words settled within him. He shook his head once more trying to get things straight. “I broke her arm before she ran. She couldn’t get through to me."

An indescribable feeling began to form within Elijah. It was a feeling Elijah had never felt before. It was almost a deep satisfaction mixed in with grief that he knew he shouldn’t be experiencing. Yet it was there in the pit of his chest. 

“She got away.” Rebekah was hopeful. “She managed to get away and she’s waiting until you came back to your senses to come home.”

I-it’s okay. I’m not scared. I promise. 

The ache in his chest grew as he shook his head. The voice that rang within his ears was part of a memory that he couldn’t force himself out of. He could only hear her voice but not see what happened to her.  

“I need to find my wife.” He said before turning and began leaving. Klaus and Rebekah were right on his heels in hopes to find Y/N and to find her completely fine.

It wasn’t long before the Mikaelsons had found themselves in the woods just outside of town. The familiarity of the area alerting Elijah that he had been there earlier that day. Klaus and Rebekah watched their brother as he tried to piece his memory together. Their mother’s spell was doing a number on him in the worst possible way. 

The further they ventured into the woods, Klaus tried his best to be hopeful. But he was slowly picking up on how things had gone. Klaus knew what it was like to thrive with the darker sides of vampirism unlike his brother. As thrilling as the kill was, the hunt had been part of the fun. 

If Elijah’s darker side had been hunting, Klaus knew there was only so far that Y/N could run before she found herself within his grasp. His sister in law may have been a vampire for centuries and stronger than most, she wasn’t an original. Even she could be killed easily if he or any of his siblings got a hold of her. 

The sound of a twig snapping right under Elijah’s foot had snapped another memory through his mind.

With every step Y/N took as she ran, Elijah hadn’t been far from her. He could see the way she ran through the woods. Every fiber of the monster within him enjoying the hunt. But even while a hunter could find the hunt exciting, eventually there needed to be a time where the hunted needed to be caught. 

He watched as Y/N steered towards her right before he moved himself to lead her to turn in a different direction. The game plan to keep moving her in the direction he wanted her. Her attempts at running from him would soon be pointless and he’d have her right where he wanted her. 

He watched as she occasionally brushed by the branches close to her. Some of them broke while others bent to the force of her passing. He slowed his steps a bit, knowing it would give the moment of peace before he’d pounce. 

That was until the slightest tug of a smirk played at his lips the moment he heard voices close by. 

The soft late afternoon breeze picked up, allowing the scent of blood to fill the air. It alerted all of them to the strong scent that had been close by. It caused them to turn their attention in the direction of the wind. 

“Blood.” Rebekah said out loud. Even though they knew what the scent was before the clarification, it needed to be heard to make sure they were all on the same page. 

“Not her’s.” Elijah noted as he looked back towards the direction he had been going moments before. “Two hikers if it is needed to be known. They never saw it coming.”

Klaus looked down at the ground before looking towards his sister. A silent look shared between the two of them. One meant that this may not have the outcome they were hoping for.  While Klaus wasn’t by any means hoping for Y/N’s death, that was all his mind settled on. If the bodies in the distance were any indication his brother had been pulled deep into the darkness that there was no telling what he could have done. 

All it took was for Elijah to take a few more steps further into the woods before dread completely filled him. His chest became tight as the ache filled him. His heart knew well before his brain had registered the dark memories that were kept at bay. And with one more step his world had come to a complete stop. 

Not too far in front of where he currently stood, his eyes fell to the base of a tree. Just peeking from behind it laid a hand, resting. One that currently rested palm down with the sun catching the ring that took residence on the fourth finger. A ring he had spent months perfecting the band the stone that Y/N loved sat in. 

“No.” Elijah’s head shook as he took another step toward the hand. And with every step he took, his mind took the opportunity to torment him with the memories that he couldn't grasp onto until now. 

Y/N had been looking just past the tree she had been hiding behind. Her attempts at being still to try and locate him had been pointless. The moment she had stopped, Elijah had her. The brief moments he had with hikers didn’t stop him keeping Y/N exactly where he wanted her. 

Her moment of distraction allowed for his opening. Elijah grabbed a hold of her arm and spun her around to face him, pinning her to the tree. Her startled yelp filled his ears and the monster within him had chuckled. 

He could see the way her eyes had been taking him in. No doubt taking in the creature that was reveling in death it was causing. He could see the way her eyes held worry for what was happening to him. But the creature within him could see the spark of fear that played within them as well. 

“‘Lijah.” He watched as she shook her head slightly. “It’s me. You know me. You’ve known me for centuries.”

From the moment Elijah noticed Y/N’s hand, there was hope that she was okay. While he may not have known what happened to her, he had hoped that she was only knocked out. He hoped he hadn’t hurt her too much and that he would send a lot of time trying to make up for what he may have done to hurt her. But once he reached her, he fell to his knees in front of her.

Her skin had been ashen gray. The dark colored veins that covered her body had been every indication that she wasn’t going to wake up. Y/N hadn’t been like him or his siblings. There wasn’t the possibility of waking up from an attempt at her life. And if that hadn’t been proof enough, her heart laid close by. 

Tears filled Elijah’s eyes as he reached for her. His hand gently ran along her cheek as he took in her face. The life and color in her eyes that he loved so much had been gone. Even as he lifted her body into his lap, there was disbelief that even his darker self had been capable of killing the one woman he would never stop fighting for. Yet, she laid lifeless in his hold.  

A sob passed his lips as he leaned down and pressed his forehead to her face. There were several emotions playing through him. Guilt, grief, anger at himself and at the monster that laid within him. Anger at his mother for the spell she had placed on him that forced that monster to the surface when he spent centuries trying to keep him at bay.

A gasp left Rebekah’s lips as she and Klaus had come to Elijah’s side. They both had taken in the scene just as Elijah had moments before. grief had instantly flooded the siblings as they watched their brother hold onto his wife. 

When Rebekah tried to take a step towards Elijah and Y/N, Klaus pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug. While he knew that Rebekah meant well in wanting to be by their brother’s side, Klaus knew that Elijah needed a moment with his wife without anyone else interfering. 

A loud cry of pain rang in Elijah’s ears as it left Y/N’s lips causing her hands to fall to her side. He watched as she looked down to find that he removed his hand from her neck, his other had been shoved into her chest. Her heart was within his grasp as he watched her take in her current situation.

He could feel the way her heart beat within his grasp. How fragile she had become the moment he had his hand in her chest. He had been holding her literal life in his hand and only one movement would bring the threat in his eyes to death. 

He watched as Y/N's eyes had filled with tears before they began flowing down her cheeks. He had been studying her reactions. Taking them in as if for a moment as he was fighting himself on what he was doing. But the magic rooted deep within the monster would never allow the man out of the deep to save his beloved. With the simple action of squeezing his hand, another scream filled his ears at the action.

Elijah watched as even though Y/N had been struggling to fight against his hold, the tears that had once been streaming down her face had slowed. The fear that once was in her eyes, vanished almost completely. Her reactions went from surviving to accepting of what was to come.

Elijah shook his head as the memories flooded in. The details that poured into his mind did nothing but fuel the guilt and anger that filled him. Y/N tried everything she could to break through to him. Everything that worked beforehand, she had tried once more. 

It was when Elijah had watched as her features changed in his memories that he understood how deep he had been under his mother’s spell. And as the memories continued to play, his hold on Y/N’s body became a little tighter. 

Elijah watched as Y/N struggled for a moment more as she tried to gain some control over herself. Her eyes met his as she took a shaky breath. 

“I-it’s okay.” Her voice cracked slightly before she groaned from the pain from the slightest movement of his hand. “I’m not scared. I promise. It’s n-not your fault if you do this. It’s going to be okay. Just know that I love you.”

Elijah may have received the message Y/N had been trying to get to him, but that didn’t change what happened. Y/N had known she couldn’t break through to him to get him to stop. The only thing she could do was speak to the man that would come out of the darkness eventually. 

“Forgive me.” Elijah said as he looked down at Y/N. Tears had fallen from his cheek and several tear drops had landed on Y/N’s face. 

His mother had been hell bent to prove to her children that there was a way to get away from the creatures they had become. She offered each of them a way to start over and each of her children refused, content with their life even if there were centuries of heartache and darkness. None of them would be willing to trade their lives to live within an innocent’s body. 

With that refusal, Esther played dirty and Y/N was the necessary means to the witch in order to drive her words home to her children. While it hadn't been directly her doing, it was her spell that left Elijah holding his wife’s body as he cried uncontrollably at what he did.

No amount of apologies that passed his lips could take back the actions he had done. No amount of begging to anything that would listen to bring her back would force life into her. No shaky touch of his fingers along her face or press of his lips to her skin would change the actions the creature within had done. 

His blood stained hand held her ashen gray cheek as his thumb ran along the veins that littered her face. “Please forgive me.” 

The words had been repeated several times in hopes that some way she’d be able to hear them. He said them more times in the last several minutes than he ever had said them within his existence. Yet, she’d never be able to say the words that he needed to hear. 

His heart ached at the thought that she wouldn’t be able to give him the forgiveness that he seeked. Even though she accepted and went into her death with no fear, all while promising it hadn’t been his fault, he felt otherwise. Her blood, and others, were literally on his hands. 

With her gone, Elijah knew nothing would be the same. The woman he spent a majority of his existence with had been taken from him. The woman that pulled him from the edge of darkness time and time again would no longer be able to. And that thought alone scared him more than anything. 

His eyes moved over his face once more. His mind was trying to picture her in any form other than the ashen gray that took a hold of her. Anything to bring life into her. A way to hold on to her for as long as he can mentally do so. Physically, Elijah knew he could sit there for hours holding on to her, begging for the events to be different, begging for her forgiveness for killing her.

It was what would come after, that scared him. His light within the darkness had been snuffed out. The one person that could always bring him back would no longer be able to. The further into the spell he went, there would be no telling what would happen next. 

As his hold on Y/N tightened, clinging onto what he had left, the creature within taunted him. Taunted him with the memories that he wished never happened in the first place. And with each fresh wave of guilt, Elijah was faced with the undeniable truth. 

The next time he fell into darkness, there would be no coming back.

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[minyare2906]

[RELEASE] HANAKOI TSURANE CH63

Title: Hanakoi Tsurane | Dance of Love | 花恋 つらね

Author/Artist: Natsume Isaku Rating: +18

Summary: The self-destructive type, Sougorou is the heir of one of the well-known families in the Kabuki world. He has no interests in other actors his age with the exception of Gensuke who he recognizes as his rival and never wants to lose no matter what. However, fate plays a cruel trick on him and the two of them end up as classmates… How will their relationship develop…?!

Volume 09 + Chapter 61.5 Download/Read online: Here

Note: Hello! Hope you're all fine in this last day of 2023!!

This post is programmed, so the links for the chapter are not in the Reader site but here. I'll update that on the 2nd, probably.

Well, looking back on this year, I think it's been a good year for the group. We would have liked to have done more or have released things faster, but, as I always say, life happens, and it's better some than nothing, right?

This chapter is pretty nice, sensei keeps preparing a nice path for our two lovebirds and it's really nice to see Grandpa again. As well as seeing what I'd love to see as the "spin-off lovebirds" when the story of the GenSou duo is over. Tsutamaru is hilarious and he deserves a story of his own!

The last thanks of the year... Thanks to Quietus for giving us those wonderful raws (you handed chapter 63 a while ago, I know...), thanks to Adamay for always being so fast translating and to Toshirodragon for being such a great typesetter, and to the both of them for doing this (and coping with me and my doubts) even when their free time is so little.

And to all of you, thanks you for reading!! Have a great night and see you next year with more!!

@cm-scans - @ikahomine

[dreamsicle262]

poetry for @noose-lion's dtiys (+ my personal take on what I've written) and original work below the cut!

You wounded beast

So comfortable with claws

Salvaging those you tear

Dropping tatters on the ground

You wounded beast

Keen on sharpened teeth

Jaws clamped tight around your goals

Sinking when they fail

You wounded beast

Putting a collar on comfort

Red as a form of warning

Values lying elsewhere as a discarded leash

You wounded beast

Never bothering to lick any wounds

The scent of copper in all that you breathe

Covering the unwanted throne upon which you sit

Your body is in pieces

Falling prey to injuries of the mind

Withering away as one does with rot

Plummeting upon crimson asphalt

I don't know if anyone cares about my view on my poetry because it is subjective, but I'll try to explain my thought process behind this. The poem as a whole reflects how Beast Dazai only cares about achieving his goal at the cost of himself. It's heavily referring to self destruction, especially with the mentioning of comfort being collared, and values put on a leash. Beast is the culmination of things that the original Dazai wouldn't do under normal circumstances. If Beast Dazai really valued comfort, he wouldn't be working so hard to tear down the life he could've had in order to save one person. Conversely, you could argue that he is so eager to finally have comfort that he is willing to lose everything for it, but is it really comfort then? As for the values bit, he has to contradict behavior his original counterpart does in order to achieve his goals, even though they fail in the long run. Even after all this, he still does try to cling to the people he's pushed away during the course of his plans.

I don't have much else to say, really. It's midnight for me at the time I'm posting this, so Happy New Year. This is half 'poetry for the dtiys,' and half 'partially baked psychoanalysis on an anime man,' so I wouldn't take this too seriously, but I put effort into this.

I'm also self conscious since despite being an author, I'm nervous on being a poet. Anyways, first published poem on this site, let's goooo

[fallloverfic]

hey hey so glad to have found you on tumblr. it was a bit hard for me to find content creators for ennead on this site, oddly enough

i saw some of your ask me prompts and i was wondering if you could do 4 and 10?

Hello!! And welcome :3 Thank you for the ask!! And yeah, tumblr is very quiet for the fandom. Twitter, pixiv, Ao3, and instagram are far more hopping.

I think this is for the ENNEAD ask me meme, so I'll answer based on that!

4. Who is your favorite character (if you have one)?

Shockingly I know, after publishing 48 fanfics that star or otherwise feature him in some fashion... it is Seth alkdjaldja he is best boi for me. Sad man, angry man. Love him. He's beautiful, he's tragic, he's fun. I love the way Mojito is exploring so many things with him, whether it's suicidal ideation, self-destructive tendencies, self-blame for things that are out of your control, cycles of violence, anxiety, responsibility... Just a lot of things. I love his power set (no pun intended). Shapeshifter characters have been my favorites since I was little (big fan of werewolves and shifters generally, and always have been, pretty sure it's why The Little Mermaid and other similar stories about water people who can change their shape have always stuck with me), especially when they can like dissolve into particles and reform. And I love his relationship with Horus. He's also really smart and can be quite thoughtful and I love how creative he is. Also I love when he gets into Situations. Angsty, whumpy man.

Second place is Horus. I love him so much. He's gorgeous, he's such a fun character, and he's hilarious. And his wings are so gorgeous T-T He and Seth are so cute and I go feral whenever I see them.

I like most of the cast, though.

10. How do you think ENNEAD will end?

I don't have good luck with guessing what Mojito will do intentionally, so take this with a lot of grains of salt lol I do have some luck doing it unintentionally when I write things into fics with like, "This would be cool if it happened", and then it kind of does lol And I do have some luck guessing what she won't do, so. Anywho.

We know Horuseth is the endgame ship, so they'll end up together. I assume they'll rule Egypt together in some fashion or, worst case, go off into the sunset together. Seth will fully get his powers back and the curse will be resolved. I imagine whatever's going on with Hathor's mirror will also be resolved (I think Nephthys was split into two people, and she'll be recombined and get all her memories back, and I think Hathor did it to take revenge for Ra). I'm still on the fence for whether Horus will actually "ascend" properly or not, or what that'll look like. He's kind of a strange demigod (Nut calls him the "link between the gods and humankind" (S02E44)), so I wonder if he won't actually ascend/he already has. But his ascension might also just be different than other gods, at which point I think Isis will step aside and let him rule fully on his own, with her help as needed. He doesn't marry Hathor. She gets booted out of Heliopolis. I also don't personally think he's going to lose his memory. He could, but on top of the circumstances around the whole "ascension involves memory loss" thing being still kind of unclear and questionable, he's a special kind of demigod/god, and his power involves knowing things. I think he'll be fine.

I assume Osiris will be defeated in Duat in some fashion (possibly by Seth, Horus, Anubis, and maybe FG) and just be stuck down there, stewing (Mojito likes sticking to the original mythology in a lot of ways, and I don't think she'd like... perma-dissolve Osiris of all people), and he and Anubis will be on more of a balanced power stance, and just sort of share a power domain. I feel like part of ENNEAD's conclusion will involve Anubis leaving his control and just coming into his own power entirely. And he gets his memories of Seth back to some degree.

I assume FG will head home after/around when we learn his name and the Egyptians will be like "huh, well idk who that was, but whatever, I guess we'll keep an eye on [FG's home country], though." Which... if it's Greece or Rome... -cringes a little-

I also hope that Anubis will have a heavily implied partner of some kind. It's not gonna be Seth, and I don't really think it'll be Khnum, much as I love that ship (though I'm rooting for it fully and he's as likely as anyone), but it could be Isis, too. Mojito did do some Anubis/Isis art years ago. I just want him to not be so alone.

I think Isis, Seth, and Nephthys will reconcile to some degree. I don't know that they'll be very close, but I think they will be on speaking terms, though I honestly think Seth and Nephthys are the least likely of the group for this to happen with. It depends on whatever is actually happening with the mirror. Seth and Isis are already on the path to reconciliation. Nephthys is the only actually sort of static one.

If anyone would like to ask more questions, here's the meme again :D

(If this is for the fanfiction author ask me meme I linked, I can answer that one, too! I just didn't know which meme it was, and assumed based on context it was the ENNEAD one)

[mudinyourshoes]

watching tale of the nine tailed because honestly screw christmas that's way and so far:

-rang, rang baby your bother shows up to the site of your massacre, starts crying, and then "executes" you but misses any vital organs. he's a immortal deity who obviously has a lot of experience killing people and you...you conclude that he was actually trying to kill you?! FOR REAL REAL?! REALSIES????? pls say sike

-if yeon was clear about what he did with rang, i'm pretty sure that would mean rang owed him a debt and since foxes always repay their debts, i'm guessing that's why yeon never cleared this up. because let's be real, yeon is screwed. he screwed himself when broke the rules to get ji-a reincarnated and so i'm pretty sure he's just protecting his brother by trying to keep him out of yeon self-made, self-destructive ✨problems✨

-i love that yeon isn't really looking for a "happily ever after". he's a realist in the sense that he's aware he fell in love with a mortal and that means he was always going to lose her. and he's obsessive anyway. fantastic A++

-on that note, i really like the world building that's happening around "how fucked in the head does living for thousands of years make you?" not just for yeon, but for all the supernatural creatures. rang...might actually be more sane than most because he's only a hundreds of years old (????) but even that might have broken him a bit lol

-ji-a is marvelous. she's smart, she's brave, she more than a little nuts. which is good because yeon is all kinds of nuts. they match. very nice.

-i do not understand ppl complaining about lack of chemistry in this.

-so far it's perfect?? it's got fantasy, mystery side plots, solid world building, friend and family relationships that feel real and important, and I would hate to meet any of the lead characters ever irl. so, that's perfect.

[dwagom]

elon musk's illegal mass-firing really just fits the pattern that has so many characteristics that it's hard to decide where to begin

he's counting on the phenomenon of techbro star power to provide him with a shell of impunity while he, well, does this shit. this is typical megalomaniac behaviour, he's trod deep already into the dark forest of negative hinge, and with the rare exception, whoever goes in never comes out. the sycophantism of silicon valley and him being given sucky by media every time he'd release some kind of brainfart boosted the process of his mental decay while at the same time absolutely conforming to everything he says in the most grovelling way possible: even the financial fucking times had an op-ed on the basis of his tweet "thinking of x - the everything app" which probably illustrates the gulf between the man's intellect (nonexistent) and the sway that he commands. he's a spoiled, entitled rich kid who never grew up and who at some point started believing his own lies (which is what grifters and cult-leaders inevitably do given enough time), really the man's just a mess of earnest belief in his own lies and a cynical disbelief in them, yet there's not really any cognitive dissonance in that, since that requires having a standard of truth that he does not possess. skum's worst impulses were further fed and his mental decay further accelerated by becoming the richest man in the world at one point surrounded by people who could get all the funding that they wanted from him by telling him what he wants to hear, again the sycophantism that happens both in person and in media coverage

i'd say that elon musk is on a path towards a spectacular self-destruction whose main act is already long past started but hasn't really yet gone into any higher gear. most people would think that zuckerberg would be the main act, torching everything that facebook has ever bought and built (mostly bought) in order to make the metaverse -- a mere ego-playground -- real, while doing fucking nothing when his company's market value plunges by 70%. chaos, vanity, neglect, 38 users. how many of those people did it to post a video saying "i put on the metaverse goggles so that you don't have to"? at least one, from what i'd seen in my recommendations on youtube, so we're talking at least 2,6% of the userbase being there with no other purpose but to dissect a multibillion-dollar turd from the inside. the metaverse is like a ghost of steam greenlight, and faceboo- i mean me- just kidding, facebook is now known as the digital homicide of social media, only without the pathetic frivolous lawsuits (yet)

anyways, back to elon musk's spectacular ruination: elon musk is in an interesting position, historically speaking. he has bought out the second-biggest piece of social media at an agreed price higher than the one it would've gotten on the market. he did this by very likely going into debt, further establishing a pool of money with contributors to whom being connected is anywhere between "cagey" and "outright compromising", this followed with calls for serious inquiry already cropping up. all this in order to buy out a site that was losing money for years and that enjoyed an unimaginable amount of good will and latitude with advertisers, although also one that was already visibly past its prime even before he'd made public that he'd been considering actually buying twitter. a decaying site that was so broadly used even if it had failed to mature meets a decaying psyche that prompted broad cultish adulation even if it had failed to mature; not a more perfect cocktail of accelerants to pour on the funeral-pyre of an era that's imploding in front of us right now as i write this and you read this. musk has gone so far in expenses just to get twitter, and now he's wearing rhinestone gloves snapping its neck while not understanding the full implications of himself disambiguating it to the world that he's been even less than a regular rich arsehole, but a potemkin man all the way down whose only forte was pretending that he was the exact opposite of the vacuum he not-was and of what he not-did. the musk-skeptics and his hatedom had naturally known this throughout; but the people who are truly subjected to the current unwinding of an ill-deserved reputation are the people who have never had an opinion of him and the muskian True Believers, specifically those who are undergoing a healthy disillusionment.

musk is making himself the same playground out of twitter that the zuck made himself out of facebook, on the basis of the same childish and facile beliefs and ideas about his own popularity, intellect, capacity, role in society. he is also making himself the same kind of utter fucking idiot, publicly, as the zuck; at every step he strangles the bird a little more, and commensurately becomes a laughing-stock and an anger-magnet, correspondingly with the poetics of terminality at the end of the algorithmic recommendation's era: the anger's authentic, personal, direct, ongoing, legitimate, hence the opposite of algorithmic. every day since he'd taken over twitter, he'd bang his fist on the table at least once a day to show that he's a Serious Man making a Serious Decision to signal that he is awaiting his habitual tithes of adulation that used to come with every public stunt, and especially the ones that failed. instead the vibration goes back up his arm, shoulder, neck, into his spoiled idiot skull, and knocks another venomous gobbet of the rotting public persona off his face. behind it we see a man less creative than a mid-00s sonic recolor (and definitely without any participatory impulse that comes with making one either), less intellectual than an episode of the annoying orange from 2012, completely unprincipled, so barren of a sense of humour, and also of the faculties of self-reflection and self-control that the only thing he knows how to do when made fun of for shuttering accounts that made fun of his hypocrisy regarding the freeze peach is to shutter those accounts and further demonstrate his hypocrisy regarding the freeze peach. he is an icon of inadequacy no matter the perspective on him and, despite the incidence of outward appearances, a perfect overlap with his platform's community of baby-talking alt-irght fashoes

his capacity for showmanship is going down the john, he's in catastrophic debt after buying what was a financial garbage-fire to begin with while getting money from people whom he shouldn't've held hands with at all, while coasting on financial inertia at the tail-end of a decade-long rehashed dot-com bubble that created him and will take him with it. twitter and him were both separately doomed, but by buying twitter he's managed to seal both of those fates and pull off the world's first career-suicide-by-company-murder-by-financial-suicide. he will not, in retrospect, only represent the end of an era of ruthlessly algo-based social media, data-siphoning and an oligopolistic skinner-box internet, but he has likely stumbled himself spontaneously into the position from which he will have likely caused that end. he's made himself a mountain of fireworks just so that he could play with matches on top of it because he can't help himself but push his luck, covered in all the regalia of the post-GFC gilded age's QE-based tech-and-everything-else megabubble -- tesla, spacex, now twitter as well, rampant accounting fraud, unfathomable hills of leveraged debt, surveillance capitalism, techbro impunity, a cultish following, the speculative economics of hype and hot air and mass stupor, being the richest man in the world, selling mirages of martian colonies to people who've lost all touch with reality out of sheer greed, getting away with """""self-driving"""""" people-cooking lithium-torches while commanding an army of followers who are willing to endanger their own kids to prove that the "self-driving works", no shortage of scandal that causes praise instead of outrage, thriving in an atmosphere where late-capitalist brainrot demands that the masses accept blatant and impermissible lies as basic truth, and absolutely every other pathological symptom that had blossomed since the dot-com bubble belongs on this list because this man, like they're pokemon, really caught them all. his demise will be spectacular and an end of an era. he himself made sure of that.

[vikkirosko]

Hello!! If you have the time, could you write a Dee x male reader where the reader has this huge obsession with getting hurt on purpose, as in he constantly tries to hurt himself yet shows barely any pained reaction even if it's something like breaking or twisting his leg? It even gets to the point that he needs an ambulance, yet he somehow still remains alive. But whenever someone he loves gets hurt he immediately becomes aggressive and at times actually tries to seriously injure people, yet he doesn't do anything when he's about to get hurt, and this leads to him not having many friends yet still being seen as someone who's nice and a good friend regardless of his self-destructive habits and once he and Dee are dating Dee tries to get him to stop doing dangerous acts and even though the reader normally doesn't listen he still stops doing it as often and maybe after a near-death experience which results in Dee crying the reader truly stops but still has a limp? Sorry if it is a long and odd request- I was just wondering if you could write it? Have a good day/night though!

📚 Dee x male!Reader headcanons Self-harm📱

From the very first day of your acquaintance, Dee noticed that you had scars. He assumed that they were left after accidental cuts or an accident, however, when you started dating, he found out that this was not the case. You yourself left yourself all sorts of wounds, as if trying to test how much you could withstand and Dee was very worried about it

Dee told you a lot of times to stop hurting yourself, but you didn't listen to him. You felt almost no pain, no matter how serious your injuries were. You didn't care even when someone hurt you, but when someone hurt people dear to you, you were very angry and hurried to protect your loved ones

The last straw for Dee was the case when you went for a walk to an abandoned construction site. Dee tried to call you several times when he found out where you were going, but you didn't answer the phone, so he decided to make sure you were okay. However, when he came, he saw that you were lying on the ground in blood. Your leg was pierced through with a piece of metal reinforcement. He ran up to you to find out if you were alive. He was afraid that you might have died from a great loss of blood, but you were alive and did not even lose consciousness. He hurried to call an ambulance, struggling to contain his emotions

Only when your condition stabilized and he was allowed to visit you, Dee could not contain his emotions. He was afraid that you would die and cried. You felt the most intense pain you've ever felt just seeing Dee cry. You didn't want him to experience this again, so you decided to stop hurting yourself

After a few months that you spent in the hospital, you returned to school. You couldn't walk like you used to. Because of the damage to your leg, you started to limp. Your limp was a reminder to you of how you upset Dee and almost died. You weren't going to do that anymore. You loved him and didn't want him to worry about you. For him, you were ready to leave old habits in the past

[seal-berry]

capitalism is fucked up because communing with the invisible hand of the market is weird and every single product release and decision is forced by competition to be this a b test human psychology thing. like if u are making a site, objectively the color of your buttons? can affect your click rates a LOT. why some colors "good" some colors "bad"? probably some mix of culturally specific and instinctual and individual factors that across the population, average out-- even if a "good" color increases sales overall its possible some may be turned off by it etc etc. and then theres the whole thing with specific cases and niche markets etc etc.

and the terrifying thing is like. all this stuff is fake, but it affects your real money coming in. which is significant whether you're a small independent business or a huge soulless conglomerate. and now take that button color decision and multiply that times... every other design choice on your site, products, packaging, etc. At what point does compromising your brand to fit these subconscious ideally performing structures taint the original product to the point where it loses its appeal? Are you willing to compromise any artistic decisions in the first place? Many products are built from the ground up with these constraints in mind, or at least with the flexibility to mold to fit the current constraints plus be re-buildable as they change.

Because oh yeah, they change. There is some amount of long term subconscious bias shifting, but there's also things like google's algorithm changes. A subtly different stream of people (maybe a lot more but, likely since your optimizations may break, a lot less) are going to your site. All those tests, if you did them, might not be accurate anymore. In the moment though, the catastrophic traffic loss is also the kiss of death, you have to try REALLY hard or have a lot of money to survive it. even still that money can go pretty fast if you have any overhead at all.

so, this setup where things are getting increasingly difficult in a lot of places, a some point down the line of staying alive, if you dont use these optimizations you may just not survive. (especially against venture capitalist-fueled competitors if youre unfortunate enough to encounter them, because they will jack up the price of doing business in your respective niche or even introduce flat-out harmful practices) Now multiply that instability times any other platforms or services you depend on-- any disruption to them causes disruption to you. Almost every single website I have made or seen a business make using a third party has eventually been forced to change their entire layout. Possibly multiple times.

And the thing is. There is another activity where it can sometimes involve a similar type of inferencing. Making art, if it at least gets to start out as just for yourself to some extent, is also a balance between understandability, (your idea of understandability) mass appeal, (as much as you feel is necessary) and individual vision/intent. it's just that in capitalism you are asked to do it for your survival, or work for companies and businesses which on some level are affected by it and, thus, can throw your life into disarray simply because of a change in the market or an arbitrarily shit decisions that can happen at any point in an increasingly long chain. It's really hard to escape it unless you have access to fuck you money, so in modern capitalism everyone gets the awesome privilege of knowing that their life hangs in the balance of a bunch of delicate strings, many of which are intent on optimizing for profit and survival aka squeezing rent and goods and necessities higher in a fucked up test of how much they can possibly get, or self-destructing in the name of short-term profit.

this situation is responsible for inducing a lot of the anxiety ppl have right now and i dont say that to discredit the awfulness of the condition at all, its very real. its cruel that the things that can harm us are so abstract in nature now, and that abstraction is of course a weapon to make it impossible for you to do anything to stop it ahead of time.

Self help says dumb shit like "modern stressors are not like the tiger chasing you in the jungle" but they miss that that's worse. Because the same peril exists, and in fact is worse now-- in the natural world there is danger, but a human needs to fuck up pretty bad to get thrown out of the tribe, and the brain craves that security. In the modern day you can easily slip through a crack and get ground to dust and that's a feature not a bug. (in fact that tribal security is the carrot that is used when the stick of homelessness has not yet been reached for) We feel the same desperation of survival but the walls of abstraction between us and that truth create the impression that being upset about this makes you unwell and will likely bring on the gaslighting about everything actually being ok and this system is the best we could ever possibly hope for. They didn't even have to abstract things that much, there's really only a few layers here, and yet it is enough. And the closest thing to a tribe most have now is that goddamn invisible hand (products and services designed down to the bevels and colors to scratch the brains itch for security and novelty just enough to keep you functional)

[tomtenadia]

For the love of a kingdom - 27

Hello my dear readers... so here we are with another instalment of FTLOAK..

I hope you will love this one.

There is no actual warning apart from perhaps for your poor ovaries... We have blacksmith Rowan. I don’t know ya’’ll, but the idea of him blacksmith version makes me drool heavily...

Rowan rode like a desperate man and arrived at the castle within a few hours. Maeve’s mansion had been deep in the forest. The fact that the woman was not in the castle was worrying but for now all he cared was his mate. She was his only focus. He reached the gate and a strange man stopped him “Halt.”

“Move.”

“I can’t let you in.”

Rowan extracted his sword “you listen to me you little jumped up shit. You let me in or I will cut you down to ribbons.” In those moments anything that came between Rowan and his goal of taking his injured mate to safety was considered a threat and needed to be dealt with.

“I am the captain of the guard.”

“And I am the king consort so move before I hang you for treason.”

In the distance he heard a familiar voice. Kylian, Aedion’s second was running to them “Westfall, let him in, you fucking idiot.”

“He could be a spy and lie he is the king consort. The queen is not married.”

Kyllian nodded to Rowan and saw the woman in his arms “Go Rowan, I will deal with him.”

Rowan nodded as a thank you and rode to the stables, dismounted and then gently took Aelin in his arms.

He was almost at the royal quarters when Aedion spotted them. He growled ferociously.

“Rowan how is she?”

“Call the healer to her chamber. Only the Yrene. No one is coming in.”

Aedion nodded, fully aware of fae male protectiveness. He was only demi-fae but he would react the same way if Lysandra or Aidan were injured.

Yrene was summoned by Aedion and ran to the royal chambers and as she got in she noticed Rowan kneeling at her side, patting her head and whispering probably words of love. He had changed so much from the man she had met at the beginning.

“Rowan…” she took a tentative step.

The man nodded and she walked closer “how is she?”

Rowan stood and looked down at the healer siting on the bed “he tortured her… Gavriel has healing magic and helped.”

Yrene opened the cloak and saw burnt marks on the body, deep cuts that were slowly healing. 

Behind her she heard Rowan growl “I will fix her.”

“Aelin is pregnant,” his voice soft all of a sudden, “I felt it when she was last in the castle. Her scent…”

Yrene quickly placed a hand on the queen stomach and a moment later she gasped. She looked at Rowan and nodded “the baby feels fine and strong. I will look after both. Fae pregnancies can be difficult.”

He knew. Lyria had suffered a lot in her first few months.

While Yrene worked on his mate he forced himself to go and take a bath to wash off all the blood. Once done, Yrene was standing and smiling “Another session after my magic is replenished and she will be okay, physically at least. Mentally she will need you again.”

He extended his hand “Thank you, Yrene.”

“Am I okay to inform the others?”

Rowan nodded and the healer left him alone.

He took his mate and carried her to the bathroom. He had filled the tub once more and added all her favourite bath soaps and salts. Gently he deposited her body inside the water and saw it relax.

“We’ll face this too, together,” with a cloth he cleaned her face and then gently scrubbed her body until he paused on her belly “You are pregnant,” Rowan found the strength to chuckle “I will protect you both. You are my everything.”

In the privacy of the bathroom he allowed silent tears to flow down his face. Losing Lyria had been hard, but if he had lost his mate there would not have been a way back from his own self destruction.

Once Aelin was bathed and clean and back in bed he sat at her side until a knock came at the door. Annoyed he stood and found Aedion on the other side. He walked the man to the small studio so they could talk quietly without risking waking Aelin.

“How is she?”

“Yrene healed most of her physical injuries.”

Aedion’s hand gripped the armrests very hard.

“She was tortured and I have no idea what Maeve did to her. I have to hope that when she wakes up she is herself again.”

“I hope the bastard paid for it.”

“I am sure his skin can be sold to some merchant interested in gory stuff.”

Aedion almost laughed if it wasn’t that he was not in the mood.

“We hung Hamel,” he confessed quietly “His people torched the steading after they found out he raped five young girls.”

Rowan’s rage burst out so quickly that wind hit the room for a second.

“King Dorian helped me. He was found guilty of treason and sexual assault. We hanged him two days ago.”

Rowan was in silence and thought how he felt about having the king of Adarlan in their castle.

Aedion must have read his mind “he is nothing like his father. He is helping us a great deal. He will support Aelin back on the throne.”

“We still have Maeve to deal with. And it’s what worries me the most,” confessed the warrior.

“One thing at a time. Aelin first.”

Rowan nodded “she is pregnant.”

Aedion smiled and patted the man hard on his shoulder “welcome to the fathers club.”

“Speaking of fathers… Gavriel is okay. I rode here, they are walking back with Lorcan. I took his horse.”

“Thanks.”

“I am acting as regent, but you are king consort, you can take over if you want.”

Rowan shook his head “no one, apart from our circle, knows I am king consort, I have no claim at the moment,” he looked away “You are second in line, the place is yours by right.”

Aedion breathed deeply “I hate it so much.”

“We need you right now,”

“Being a warrior was so much easier.”

Rowan was silent. All he wanted was to be a blacksmith again, have his life with Aelin and now their child and be happy. He had simple dreams.

“Maybe…”

*

Yrene and Gavriel had been doing their rounds around Orynth as usual. At the news of Hamel and Perrington’s demise, the town had started to look prosper again. They knew it might take a while before it went back to its former glory but the people looked happier. Some of the citizens had been asking when Queen Aelin was taking the throne back and Yrene had explained that she was really unwell at the moment and that Aedion was acting as regent. Dorian’s presence had been accepted too. After Hamel’s sentence he had walked around the citizens and offered his support and explained that he was endorsing Aelin as a queen. Yrene was speechless. The man had charm and did manage to impress people who hated everything connected with Adarlan.

She could see Aelin and Dorian forming an even stronger alliance.

Gavriel led her to another house and a young man opened the door. The very same boy that until a while ago was lying in bed gravely sick.

“Yrene, Gavriel,” he had the brightest smile “I am well, look at me.”

The healer hugged him “you look wonderful.”

His mother joined them and patted her son “he started improving after your last treatment.”

“Now you need to put on some muscle, young man,” added Gavriel patting him gently on his shoulder and Luca grinned.

“I have been looking for a job again.”

“I told him to recover properly, but he keeps saying that he wants to help.”

“I will ask around, I am sure Emrys will be delighted at having you around once again.”

Yrene gave them a basket “we have a few more supplies. The help from Adarlan is a couple of days out but for now you have some flour, a few eggs, fruit and veg and cheese,” her smile faded “still no meat, but hopefully it will change soon.” The boy’s mother walked to the healer “this is still a great help, all you have done for us, I will never stop being grateful.”

“Normality is slowly coming back and once the queen is back she will need all of your support.”

The woman looked nervous “where is she? We haven’t heard from her in ages.”

That was what Gavriel feared. A lack of support in Aelin because of her absence “she is not well. Her enemies attacked her again Your queen is fighting very hard to be back.”

“Gavriel, people still like her but her absence is causing rumours. Some even suggested she should abdicate in favour of the general.”

“Aelin has been to Endovier twice for her people. Any ideas what that did to her? I do because I treated her both times,” Yrene was raging “And now she laying unconscious in her bed while a dark spell is affecting her and after having been tortured once more.”

The woman apologised “I had no idea. We all had no idea. I miss her. I loved her and I will support her.”

“Queen Aelin is so badass,” grinned Luca “don’t worry I tell all my friends how awesome she is.”

Yrene calmed down “She will guide Orynth and Terrasen with it to its former glory.”

*

Rowan had left Aelin with Elide and Lysandra. It had been a terrifying feeling but he needed a break. Aelin was in pain, he could feel it through the bond and it was maddening because there was not much he could do aside from holding her hand and be at her side.

He had rage in him. So much rage that he feared she would feel it and he didn’t want that. Love was all he wanted to pass to her.

He trusted the two women and the fae were in the castle too and the Bane had the place surrounded and heavily guarded.

So he had decided to visit a place he hadn’t seen in a while. He took the familiar path and was happy to see Orynth slowly looking alive again. A few vendors were selling meagre solstice treats and it pained him. During the land’s biggest holiday the city would turn festive. Decorations on the buildings, vendors crowding the streets, the air filled with the smells of foods from far away exotic lands and the sound of sellers calling out to customers. He missed that buzz. Soon. There was a lot of healing to do, but they were all working on it.

He finally reached the familiar door and walked in. The smithy had been silent for too long. Jack had passed it to him and he was going to have the place running once more. He loved being a blacksmith. Slowly he walked around the familiar place and started all the steps to have the forge up and running again. They still had a lot of supplies and metals and that allowed him to work on his new project. It would be a surprise for Aelin, a sword fit for a queen.

It was a few hours later when the furnace was hot enough to allow him to start. The smithy slowly warmed up and soon would be filled once again by its usual sounds. He removed his shirt and wore his leather apron, thick leather gloves and then the protective visor and finally tied his long hair so they were out of the way. Once all ready he finally went back to work and choose the metal for her sword. He wanted something strong, like her.

Rowan heated the metal and poured it in a basin with a sword shape in it. Once it was the colour he needed he lifted it from the part where the hilt was meant to be and walked to the anvil. Hammer in hand he started the long and precise job of shaping the metal. The movements familiar and a good way to release the anger in him. His arms pounding hard, the muscles on his left arm bulging and relaxing with every hit. 

Hit after hit after hit the metal was taking shape in front of him. The finishing touches would come later. Every so often he would lift it in his hand and wave it around. It had to have the perfect balance for Aelin. Then back in the fire to heat the metal once more and then back to the anvil. It was exhausting work but Rowan craved it. He paused from time to time to remove the sweat from his forehead, he had forgotten how hot it would become. For a second Rowan had the courage to chuckle and think of Aelin and all the naughty jokes.

The hours passed without him realising. He loved working in the forge.

Rowan also wanted to be king consort and help Aelin rule, but he was not good with court life. He needed to do things. To help, keep his hands active. He enjoyed hard work. He wanted to keep the smithy going, not a kingly profession but maybe if he begged Aelin… convince with a few special kisses and some chocolate cake. He missed her. A while ago she was his enemy. He wanted her dead because he had no idea. He only saw the missing monarch who did not seem to care about her people. How wrong he had been. His mate cared and she had been shouldering that pain alone for too long. Now he was at her side and he’d made sure to be at her side no matter what.

His muscles had started to ache. He hadn’t done that in a while and his left arm started protesting from the constant hammering.

Then he paused and chuckled to himself. Had Aelin been there they would probably end up having sex against the wall maybe surrounded by blades. He had not forgotten her blade kink and his mind travelled back to the early days. He stopped for a second and closed his eyes imagining her hands sliding around his waist. He tugged at the carranam bond and was surprised when he felt a tug back. He relaxed and kept working on the sword. Another intense session and a few tweaks and her sword would be ready.

A sword for his queen.

His fireheart.

TAGS:

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[ballet-belle306]

~Please Prioritize Your Health~

Trigger Warning: weight loss and mention of ED

I just wanted to post because I know a lot of girls in the communities I'm involved in want the 'waif' body, and some accounts tend to glamorize the sickly thin look. I want to reiterate, some people have naturally very thin bodies, and there is nothing wrong with that. They deserve no more shame that those of us who are plus sized. But I've seen many pages that promote pro-ana things, and that's really concerning to me. You just look up weight loss on here, and it's all pro-ana rhetoric, and that's really not okay, especially on a site with young minds.

I just want to say, as an adult and someone who is on a major weight loss journey, I really want to emphasize how important it is to take care of yourself. You can get down to a healthy weight while still enjoying the food that you like, and you can feel good, too. I've lost quite bit of weight, and it's already made my body feel a lot more comfortable. No matter where you're starting, whether you want to lose 10 pounds or 100, there's healthy ways to do it. Please don't starve yourself, or give into that self-destructive drive in your brain. I know from experience that there's something alluring about giving into those dark sides in your mind, and I'm here to tell you that it's never worth it. Your health and happiness is worth so much more than you think you deserve. You're worthy of the self love that drives healthy habits and meets needs.

I can really only go off my own experience, so take some of this advice with a grain of salt.

Some pointers to losing weight healthfully;

Get a calorie counting app. I use Lose It, which I find to be really good. Make sure you find the verified items when logging. Some people input incorrect calorie information, and log calories as being more or less. Find an app where you can scan the items. Follow the guide it gives you; it's okay to be a little bit under or a little bit over. It's just a good way to figure out where you're at and what you need.

Find a good community for support. Whether it's friends, family, or an online community. Don't fall for pro-ana communities. There's a lot of them, and it's important to find communities that support healthy weight loss and healthy habits. These communities will tell you to regularly go below 900 calories, which is not healthy. 900 calorie diets are typically for extreme cases, typically people who are super morbidly obese (typically 300+ pounds) and are in emergency cases where they absolutely need to drop weight quickly. The least you should do is regularly around 1,100 calories, unless you're fasting. I may make another post on fasting by itself because while it's a healthy way to lose weight, there are dangerous ways people go about it.

On a similar note, do not fall for healthy at every size communities. These communities spread mass amounts of misinformation, and will shame you for trying to prioritize your health and lose weight in any way. You can be overweight and still be beautiful and just as amazing as anyone else, but this community is very dangerous, and is just as toxic as pro-ana communities.

Remember that mental health and bodily health coincide. If you have 50+ pounds to lose, there's a chance you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Working on your relationship with food is incredibly important in order to lose weight.

Forgive yourself if you fall off. Remember that if you slip up, you're not starting all over again. You're starting from experience. It's completely normal to slip up, and you should expect it to happen. Don't be too hard on yourself. This is a self love journey, and forgiveness and acceptance is part of self love.

Practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Self criticism, if you're anything like me, might look like, "I have to do this because I'm a screwed up and I ruin everything". Self-compassion is more like, "I know I messed up, but I'm going to do better and make it right because I love myself and deserve better". Fixing your inner-monologue is incredibly important.

I hope this helps! Remember, you're taking care of yourself because you're worth it. You can be beautiful at any size, you can follow these trends at any size. Lose weight for you if you want to, but do it healthfully. <;3

[crones-trash]

Y'all know I have a fascination w books in the hands of people I follow on IG. The other day in her Insta feed, Aarika presented an open book.

Naturally, I zoomed in to see what I could be read.

Naturally, I felt sad about the sweet beauty not having found someone worthy of having an affair w/ her.

Then today Google proved its worth when I searched for "book with chapter title "A Love Affair with Yourself" & got the answer.

CODEPENDENT NO MORE

A couple of quotes from the blurb on the site stood out to me:  "...codependency—the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another..." Damn. I've done that. Also, "Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent."

After the disaster that was my second marriage, I didn't date anyone again for 6 years! Despite having a couple of years of therapy, it took that long for me to feel like risking my heart again.

Anyway, spin this new insight into Aarika's state of mind any way you please.

[minyare2906]

[RELEASE] HANAKOI TSURANE CH54

Title: Hanakoi Tsurane | Dance of Love | 花恋 つらね

Author/Artist: Natsume Isaku Rating: +18

Summary: The self-destructive type, Sougorou is the heir of one of the well-known families in Kabuki world. He has no interests in other actors his age with the exception of Gensuke who he recognizes as his rival and never wants to lose to no matter what. However, fate plays a cruel trick on him and the two of them end up as classmates… How will their relationship develop…?!

Chapter 54 Download/Read online: Here

Note: Hello!! How are you doing my fellow readers? Hope you’re fine and resisting this hellish summer. Seems like the heat is subsiding here, but it still shows its ugly face from time to time.

Volume 9 starts now, yay! Sensei offers us a beautiful coloured cover of the 2 lovebirds, I've cleaned it completely for your enjoyment, hope you like it. I don’t know you, but I think that Sougo looks great with those tattoos, even if they’re fake. I’m dying to see how he does playing Benten, but for now we can only see him being eaten by anxiety, he’s really worried about how this character will turn out. I hope sensei lets us see the result soon, she’s already announced the paper release of chapter 55, so the digital will be out soon ;)

Oh, before I forget, to those of you who read Hanakoi on Mangadex, I’m really sorry! I totally forgot about uploading the chapters, I’ll start today and chapter 54 will be up in a month, as our usual schedule, if I see it up in Mangago sooner, I may upload it sooner as well.

On a side note, I may end up adding a watermark on the Mega release (I’m still mulling over it), because I’m tired of asking not to upload it to Mangago, now they don’t even wait until it’s up on Mangadex, the upload it on the same day or the day after our release. So, if you start seeing huge watermarks, I apologise, but please be understanding. I could talk to the uploaders before to ask them to bring the links down, but I can no longer do it, as now the uploaders’ name is hidden.

For now, I’ll withhold the Mega release for a week, as that’s what I guess they use to upload to aggregator sites. Again, sorry to those of you who are good, respectful readers, but I need to protect my colleagues and myself and aggregator sites are not protective towards the scanlating groups, just think about how many groups have gone private or how many have had to drop projects because the author (with all their right to do so) discovered their pages on those aggregator sites, and the ones who’ll have to do it in the future due to the same thing. I know it’s unfair, but it’s also a way to reward all of you who read it here, you’ll have it available a week before the ones who read it in aggregator sites ;)

I know GDrive is not the most comfortable to read, but it’s the best to not get the pages stolen for now.

After this long testament, I want to thank Adamay for translating so fast and to Toshirodragon for accompanying me into making the texts the best possible, I know you both have little time and you spend it in Hanakoi, I appreciate it so, so much and I know we share our love for those two, thanks so much! A big thank you to @rosesquadscans, you saved this project when I thought it was lost, thank you.

And thanks to all of you! See you in chapter 55!

@cm-scans - @ikahomine

[pikkirat623]

Staind

What are your favorite Staind lyrics? Here’s some of mine…

“And it’s been awhile since I could

Look at myself straight

And it’s been awhile

Since I said I’m sorry

And it’s been awhile

Since I’ve seen the way the candles light your face

And it’s been awhile

But I can still remember just the way you taste”

- “Its Been Awhile”

“My life has slowly faded

Broken and degradated

Suffocate in my sorrow

Maybe I’ll die tomorrow

This riot that I’ve sited

Came to you uninvited

Truth hurts when it’s in your face

Are you afraid of it?”

- “Self-Destruct”

“But I’m on the outside

And I’m looking in

I can see through you

See your true colors

Cause inside you’re ugly

You’re ugly like me

I can see through you

See to the real you”

- “Outside”

“These are my words

That I’ve never said before

‘I think I’m doing okay’

And this is the smile

That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me cause I

I must be sleeping”

- “So Far Away”

“So this is it

I say goodbye

To this chapter of my ever-changing life

And there’s mistakes

The path was long

And I’m sure I’ll answer for them when I’m gone

When I’m gone”

- “Something to Remind You”

“I feel betrayed

Stuck on your ways

And you rip me apart

With the brutal things you say

I can’t deal with the shit any more

I just look away”

- “Mudshovel”

“My head is a barricade

Filled with peaceful thoughts and evil outcomes

No one understands

Try to break the barrier

I see no outlet

No one’s there to catch me when I fall”

- “Painful”

“Try to hold back

All the anger but it’s a trigger

And I can’t relax

Losing focus on the things you lack

So you push me

To the brink and I don’t know what is next”

- “Lowest in Me”

“Why can’t you just forgive me?

I don’t want to relive all the mistakes I’ve made

Along the way

But I always find a way

To keep you right here waiting

I always find the words to say

To keep you right here waiting”

- “Right Here”

“I am nothing more than

A little boy inside

That cries out for attention

Yet I always try to hide

Cause I talk to you like children

Though I don’t know how I feel

But I know I’ll do the right thing

If the right thing is revealed”

- “Epiphany”

“Cause I sit here locked inside my head

Remembering everything you said

The silence gets us nowhere

Gets us nowhere way too fast”

- “For You”

“So where were you?

With all this I was going through

You never took the time

To ask me just what you could do

I only know that I can change

Everything else just stays the same

So now I step out of

The darkness that my life became”

- “Fade”

“If you believe in me

Life’s not always what it seems

Believe in me

Cause I was made for chasing dreams”

- “Believe”

“I’m fucked up

Distorted

Dysfunctional and drained

All of my

Deep rooted

Fears seem to get the best of me”

- “Nameless”

“Cause I’m afraid to be alone

Afraid you’ll leave me when I’m gone

And I’m afraid to come back home”

- “Home”

“It’s kinda sick

I feel so dirty

I’m kinda tragic

Kinda insecure

But I know

That I’m the only

One who can fix

Whatever’s wrong I’m sure”

- “Just Go”

“The more you take

The more you blame

But everything still feels the same

The more you hurt

The more you scream

The price you pay to play the game

And all you see

And all you gain

And all you step on with no shame

There are no rules

No one to blame

The price to play the game”

- “Price to Play”

“I’m not very good at just paying attention

I’m not very good at remembering things

I’m not very good at pursuing redemption

I’m not very good at concealing the hand that I play

When I’m trying to hard just to beat you

I’m not really good at controlling my fate

I’m not really good at controlling my anger

I’m not really good at subduing my hate

I’m not really good

I’m not really good

I’m not really good”

- “The Way I Am”

“I’m not gifted

Slightly twisted

Try hard, try hard

To see if I can push you any further

Just to soothe me”

- “Suffocate”

“The thoughts from my mind

Command my lips to say I hate you

The thoughts from my mind

Command my hands to cut your silken flesh

The thoughts from my mind

Command my feet to stomp your head

The thoughts from my mind

Have one question

‘When will this ever end?’”

- “Four Walls”

“Now

It’s up to you

The path that you choose

Gotta do something different

Now

It’s all the same

No one to blame

Gotta do something different now”

- “Now”

“I just need this to feel alright

I can’t feel this another night

I can’t take this, I’ve come unglued

I might breakdown in front of you

Necessary to medicate

I’m not sleeping, can’t stay away”

- “Pressure”

“I’m two steps from salvation

But I’m only taking one”

- “Pardon Me”

“Well fuck that, and fuck him

And fuck her, and fuck you

For not having the strength in your heart to pull through

I’ve had doubts, I have failed

I’ve fucked up, I’ve had plans

Doesn’t mean I should take my life with my own hands”

- “Waste”

“Tell me please

Who the fuck did you want me to be?

Was it something that I couldn’t see?

Never knew this would be so political

And please

I’m still wearing this miserable skin

And it’s starting to tear from within

But it’s obvious that doesn’t bother you

So please

Don’t keep telling me that it’s okay

I don’t buy all the shit that you say

And quite honestly I’m fucking sick of it

So please

If I cut off this nose from my face

Then I wouldn’t feel so out of place

But it still wouldn’t be quite enough for you

So please”

- “Please”

“I walk alone

I am alone

I think alone

I’ll die alone

Don’t think I can make it on my own

I think I need someone to save me

Such is life

So sad but true

Kill everything that’s close to you

Try to decide what not to do

You know you cannot control me”

- “Break”

“I already told you

That falling is easy

It’s getting back up

That becomes the problem

Becomes the problem

If you don’t believe

You can find a way out

You’ve become the problem

Become the problem”

- “Falling”

“What the fuck’s the purpose

I didn’t scratch the surface

Immune to what you’re saying

All alone decaying

Everything’s on fire

Darkness, lone desire

Quiet in my corner

Building up the border”

- No One’s Kind”

“Never again

Trusted in you

Fuck everything that you think I should be

I stand

Never again

Never again”

- “Can’t Believe”

“Well I know the words

But I can’t really speak them

To you

And I hide all the pain

That I’ve gained with my wisdom

From you

And I’m eaten alive

By what I hold inside

All the things that I live with

I can’t easily hide

And I’m left here with nothing

Nothing to live for

But you”

- “Excess Baggage”

“The weight of your sorrow

Make some paper wings and learn to fly

If there’s no tomorrow

Burn your paper wings and say goodbye”

- “Paper Wings”

“Sometimes when you’re out of rope

The way to climb back up’s unclear

The walls you build around yourself

I guess they also keep you here

Are you afraid of what they think?

Whoever ‘they’ happen to be

Or are you hiding from

The scars of your own reality”

- “Reality”

“I try and try to break away from all the hate I’m feeling

From every one of you that’s ever done me wrong

I need to justify the reasons for the way I’m living

I guess I can’t cause I don’t feel like I deserve”

- “Change”

“But if you had told me when I was much younger

That life has a way of pulling you right under

I wouldn’t be standing here preaching my hate

Stand at the edge staring into my fate”

- “See Thru”

“A piece of glass

In the sand under your feet

It cuts you deep

And makes you hate the beauty that you see

And you wonder where you are

How you ever got so far

Now you question what went wrong

It’s your heart”

- “Raining Again”

“The pictures left with me won’t fade

These images affect me every day

Cause of you I feel I don’t deserve

The life I see in her”

- “Raw”

“Should I be afraid of the voice that I see?

In the mirror staring back at me

So cold we’re the days when I listened to you

And you say that I’m weak so show me the proof

Because I still exist in spite on you

But I won’t compete with you every day”

- “Schizophrenic Conversations”

“Late at night I can hear your voices

Talking shit about all my choices

You would think that you’ve known me forever

Just because you know my name”

- “Crawl”

“Yesterday

A boy and already afraid

Locked deep inside

My place to hide

To hide from how you make me feel

And I wonder

How’s your brother?

Did he end up fucked up like me?

Lost in himself?

Crying for help?

It’s safe to say”

- “Yesterday”

“I always fail to see

The little things in front of me

The things that mean so much to you

A way to let you know

That I appreciate

The way you always tolerate

But sometimes when I medicate

Frustrations in you

Shows me how you feel”

- “Devil”

“All the demons in my head won’t leave me

I know, I can hear them

All the sacrifices made for nothing

Don’t show, can’t believe in

Wanna show you that I’m good for something

I can, you won’t let me

All your artificial words won’t heal me

Because you can’t accept me”

- “ A Flat”

“So there’s the corner that I sat on

The road I walked home in the rain

And there’s the star I used to wish on

It all just seems like yesterday”

- “The Corner”

“I’ll meet you at the bottom

The waves can’t wash away all the scars you bare

See you at the bottom

Just hold on to the things that keep you there”

- “The Bottom”

“Yeah, like the day that your guardian angel decided to fly away

Yeah, like a bruise that doesn’t fade

Yeah, like a memory that tortures your soul until your dying day

Yeah, like the life you couldn’t save”

- “Failing”

“I wish that I could disappear

Unzip my skin and leave it here

So I could be no one again

I’d never let nobody

I’d let nodboy

I’d let nobody in”

- “Blow Away”

“But everything that I could say to you

Won’t help you

Everything you need is right in front of you

Just take it

Try to make it through the daily pain

That you feel

Maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad

I know it”

- “Take It”

“I’ve learned

That this life’s not just a game

Just a line

Between the pleasures and the pain”

- “Fray”

“Everyone plays the hand they’re dealt

And learns to walk through life itself

Not everything in life is handed on a plate

When people think your words are true

It doesn’t matter what you do

I sold my soul to get here

How about you?”

- “How About You”

“What’s happened to you?

It’s obvious you’ve changed

Something deep inside you

Is probably to blame

Must be lonely up there

With your head all in the clouds

Even though you got there

What does your conscience tell you now?”

- “Falling Down”

“The truth is that I’m not so good

At showing how I feel

Or keeping my mouth shut

When there’s something to conceal

Or knowing how to love

Love’s not in my memory

How can I rise above

All my insecurities?”

- “Run Away”

“You

You understand my pain

From this I gather strength

In that we are the same”

- “Reply”

“Thank you to the people in my life

For putting up with me

Thank you for the time you sacrificed

All on account of me

For all the times I didn’t say”

- “Intro”

“I hate myself for you

I break myself for you

I’d kill myself for you

I better save myself from you

Every time you want me to be

Something you could never be

You’ll just have to wait and see

Til the next time that you have to come again”

- “Come Again”

“You before me

I can’t take any more

Of what you have to offer

My ears are sore

Leave my feelings

In a heap by the door

Can’t go up any further

Come crashing back down”

- “Question?”

I do not own or claim ownership of any lyrics posted here

[littlealeta]

There is so much controversy around Morty’s reactions/behaviors toward Rick leaving with the crows. But hardly any controversy around Rick’s side being just as bad.

I mean the whole story around this is just bad anyway. The fact that the show doesn’t even call out Morty’s behaviors (only Rick’s) and ends up rewarding him by giving him Rick back and idealizing the growth and self-recovery of an abusive, addicted, mentally ill person. And I’m just sick and tired of the characters making mistakes and not even growing from them, especially with the kids.

I don’t want to go into too much detail because it’d be a long fucking story but long story short. The whole thing was just rushed and unearned. Just like the entire fucking season 6 character “growth”. And just out of character for Rick, a guy who wouldn’t give a fuck about learning empathy or even replacing the guy he’s codependent on with some other partner. And how he just nonchalantly leaves the family he loves.

If anything, we should’ve gotten another guilty Rick scene. I mean not only had Rick made a really stupid and weird decision out of good intentions but he also got to see how much he fucked up Morty, his GRANDSON and CLOSEST FRIEND! WHO HE WISHED TO SEE BE BETTER THAN HIM! AND HERE HE IS ACTING LIKE HOW HE ACTED WHENEVER HE THOUGHT HE LOST MORTY! AND JUST ACTING MORE AND MORE RICKLIKE EACH SEASON.

I think the only reason people don’t criticize Rick’s side is because simple as that, they want to see Rick grow. They don’t care about how badly written it could be, they just want to see this egomaniacal, abusive, mentally fucked up, addicted, destructive, saddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos grow. And they don’t care how it’s done because of how terrible he is.

But I’m pretty sure I made my point many times on this site, twitter and reddit. If you want to know more, then just ask me. The-awful-falafel also made a really good post about it too and explains a lot of things better than I could.

These last two season 5 episodes made me lose so much respect for the show and for the main characters and season 6 just ends up making me lose more respect.

[moebarrythefrogshroom]

my strategy for being permanently suicidal:

1. do something else until i forget about it

2. go for a walk at night. try to spot a fox. wear matching fluffy gloves and socks. purchase reduced halloween decor with last pennies.  3. nap it out. sometimes sleep helps. sometimes it makes it much worse.  4. have a hard cry. no pretending to look pretty for the cameras. ugly, scrunched up, blotchy, snotty, sob.  5. realise the cat fell asleep on my legs. bask in the moment of happy. if not happy, then just appreciate his open-mouthed snore. 6. fairy lights.  7. make those cute heart-shaped origami envelopes. 8. re-watch criminal minds again. it can’t end if i just re-watch it.  9. pile up all of the stuffed friends. all i can find. every single one. look at them.  10. shave off eyebrows. momentary self destruction, painless. no real harm done. can draw them back on. moment of poor impulse control with less consequences than shaving my head or sh.  11. try to find the moon in the sky. then count the stars. see how many more come into focus the longer i sit.  12. wait it out. agonising. but usually effective.   13. try to visualise the parts i want to die. is it all of me? really? or is it living here? is it my body and/or appearance? is it the mess piling up around me? is it withdrawal? did i forget my meds again? am i extra hormonal? are my painkillers working? where do i want to go? what job do i want? do i want a job at all? how do i want to live? spiral up and out, not down. no pessimism. ideal situations here.   14. throw a funeral for myself. as many as it takes. bury or burn something that represents the bad of no.13. write an angry/sad/nostalgic eulogy.  15. watch good but mindless telly. house md. chicago med. greys anatomy. daredevil. jacksepticeye play-throughs. BwB videos. JJK. anything that can be on without paying much attention.  16. don’t get stuck on fixing everything right now, in the next 15 minutes. focus on what will dig me out of this hole enough to breathe. air-holes, not escape hatches. calm down enough to realise this is a tunnel, not a hole, and at the end i can just walk out. no need to lose my fingernails digging through metal.  16b. when out of said hole, find strategies to make the hole a little less deep for next time. or to include a map to the tunnel exit. or a note to bring snacks next time. make it easier for me. i don’t have to prove my struggle through suffering more. nobody in my life is worth extra misery. 17. light a wax melt. day dream. scent oils on pillow case. set the scene and drift away for a bit. useful full time? no. better than forever box? yes, always. 18. draw through it. digitally or traditionally. however i need it. get graphic. or don’t, draw the happy parts. fan-art. fields full of bunny rabbits. whatever works. 19. re-read some comfort books. if thats too difficult, watch something comforting. ghibli is good. avoid triggering media. 20. CLOSE OTHER TABS. computer for music/ ghibli films only. phone turned off. triggering sites on a blocksite extension. curate the surroundings to keep me safe. while this won’t likely go away anytime soon, these usually help. remember dying is forever. and that’s not what i want. i need different, not nothing.