#if i were in a relationship i'd do the initial necklace thing as well

[tuxedoprincess]

i am THEEEEEE biggest sucker for matching accessories like one of my friends and i have matching morse code bracelets and matching necklaces and then i've got matching keychains with another and matching necklaces with another like i just love the idea of matching with someone

[fumblingmusings]

I know its not gonna be a happy ending but sometimes any flavour of asakiku is everything to me 😭 would it be okay if we got some headcannons about evie and Kiku in a future we're they never separated and worked well for each other?

Who says they'll be apart forever hmmmmmmmmmmm?

But lol yes! Hummmm. Fem!England and Japan romance headcanons-modern day edition. Let's go!

He still gifts her pearls - brooches, bracelets, earrings, rings, and necklaces - the whole shebang. In 2020, she received a pearl tiara for when he came over with his Emperor and Empress for the State Visit. Japan has a tradition of gifting their princesses a necklace and tiara when they come of age. They're usually just diamonds with some pearls, which can make them seem plain (can't believe I'm saying that) in comparison to the European traditions of coloured gems (that's a lie, Belgium and Spain are in the same boat). It's a whole thing regarding rank married in versus blood princesses, etc., but typically, the lower rank and married in girls get more naturalistic and less structured designs. I'd like to imagine that she got one like the former Princess Noriko's - such a wonderful shout out to the classic Japanese artwork that everyone in the West knows:

Apologies for the dinky/blurry photo. It's hard to get a hi res shot of this thing.

On the other end of things, and this will pop up in the fic, but she gives him her literature. 1st editions and rare books to add to his library. Kiku has such an interest in writing and literature and poetry, and takes very good care of them.

Initially, she gives him her Victorian novels, but Kiku, off his own initiative, goes further back, having a go at Chaucer and such. He is very good at translating works to and forth between English and Japanese and often gifts books back to her.

I mentioned it in a previous post, but Kiku particularly attaches to the poem Pearl, and England also shows him like the works of Julian of Norwich and Margery Kempe, who were two writers and friends in the 14th century. Julian's is considered the oldest piece definitively written by a woman in English, and Margery's is the oldest autobiography in English, let alone one by a woman.

She likes to go on hikes with him, they can walk and walk and walk for miles. She has taken him to the Peak and Lake Districts more times than they can count, not to mention Dartmoor, Exmoor, the South Downs, and the Yorkshire Dales. They both love their gardens, both going to great pains to look after them. They spend a great deal of their time together outside.

And when they get home, like the old married couple they are, she tidies up around the house, he cooks dinner, then they settle down for the night. She knits or crochets whilst watching something like Only Connect or University Challenge, Kiku is absently listening in the background as he plays a video game, and get more questions right then Evie. He is congratulated with a knitted jumper by the end of the night.

They don't have sex that often. Really. Both are kind of lazy partners and are old fogies, they'd rather go to bed and sleep than anything. Eva in particular is clingy, and is prone to biting. It was a fight to get her to remember to not do it above the collar line.

As they both learn post WWII how and when to get involved with governments and politicians and armies and such, they are slowly given more and more freedoms to just be, with no strings attached. It's then, when she's able to let go of a heavy and poisonous burden, and he's free from such a destructive ideology, that they're able to meet in the middle once again, not as England and Japan, but as two very old immortals.

Alfred is able to plug the gap, rather than be dividing force this time. He's not happy about his mom being in a relationship with his best mate (the day he saw those teeth marks it was somehow a larger betrayal than anything Eva or Kiku had done prior), but it's purely in a dude that's my mom territory, rather than a political gripe.

[triviareads]

ARC Review of Second Duke's the Charm by Kate Bateman

Rating: 3.75/5 Heat Level: 3.5/5 Publication Date: December 26th

Premise:

Tess Townsend, the dowager Duchess of Wansford, was widowed and left a virgin after her decrepit husband dropped dead before their wedding night. Two years later, Tess wants to learn about sex and intimacy, and finds a handsome stranger to do just that with at a house party. As it later turns out, the stranger is none other than Justin Thornton, the new Duke of Wansford.

My review:

There's a lot I enjoyed about this book— the friendship between Tess, Daisy, and Ellie was a delight to read. They are truly Tess's ride-or-dies and can be relied upon for anything from moving a dead body to giving sartorial advice on lingerie. And I loved the detective agency aspect, which made for a fun subplot.

This book is pretty sex-positive as far as historical romances go, which I did appreciate. A lot of it is about Tess's sexual exploration as a widow (all while her friends gleefully egg her on), and there's frank conversations about virginity being a social construct, contraception, and pregnancy.

Regarding the romance of it all, there isn't a lot of the conflict you'd expect between an upper-class aristocrat and a self-made magnate who is the heir to her late-husband's title, especially after their first encounter was anonymous. Justin is a very cool and rational sort, so he skips a the melodrama in the early stages of their relationship and immediately proposes a marriage of convenience (which, as one of Tess's friends points out, has as much to do with his dick as it does for "sensible" purposes, as he ostensibly claims). The drama only comes into play post-marriage as Justin starts to fall in love with Tess (which he swore he'd never do but... of course he does), all while growing increasingly paranoid about his wife's intentions towards him. Tess, on the other hand, is just vibing around truffle hunting and trying to foil blackmail plots lolol. Ultimately, Justin's big grovel (yes, there's a grovel) is about humbling himself by doing something extremely dumb and illogical after he spent the entire book trying to treat their marriage as a purely unemotional endeavor.

My one note regarding the plot is that there are lots of seemingly high-stakes situations initially set up: there's a blackmail plot, a possible attempted murder plot, plus, Tess hasn't told her husband she co-owns a detective agency (similar to the subplots in many a Grace Callaway Lady Charlotte's Society of Angels book). They were set up well, but as the book went on, I feel like they grew increasingly low-stakes and the outcomes were somewhat underwhelming.

The sex:

There are plenty of hot and inadvertently funny moments during sex scenes because Tess is trying *so hard* to seem like a sexually-experienced woman when she's very much.... not, but the greatest thing is, it mostly works. Like, starting from their first encounter at the masquerade, Tess has Justin (allegedly the smooth, unemotional type) WHEEZING after a mid handjob. And that sets the stage for their sexual relationship through the rest of the book. Some of my favorite moments include:

a) Their wedding night for the reasons mentioned above I won't spoil it but Tess's plan was hysterical), plus, I love a good "say my name" moment.

b) There is a great carriage scene, and I will say, I do appreciate the inclusion of dirty print images as a form of (inadvertently hands-on) sex education

c) For those of us who felt *cheated* by that scene in A Wallflower Christmas by Lisa Kleypas where St. Vincent insinuates he's going to use a pearl necklace on Evie, except we never saw the follow-through... this is your book.

Overall:

If you're looking for a fun, light historical romance centered around sexual exploration and plenty of girl-gang shenanigans, then I'd recommend this book!

[fueledbysano]

KINKTOBER DAY 22: “JEALOUS SEX; Ran”

summary: “Pretend all his exes are in the room and you'll give the best performance of your life.”

✧ pairing: ran haitani x reader

✧ includes: NSFW, detailed smut, jealous sex, throat fucking, bdsm, degradation + praise kink, dumbification, dacryphilia, creampie, this shit rated PORN

✧ a/n: Ik he isn't originally in the kinktober schedule but this man and his brother's grip on me is so strong rn I just had to do this

wc; 1.7k

Being in a relationship with the executive of an elite gang meant a lot of things— countless late nights together after a long day at work to make up for the lost time, running errands around the city in a luxurious car, and spontaneous trips to different places you desired.

But one of your favorites is the regular work-related events which required you to be by Ran's side, giving you the luxury of spending quality time together while he's working, talk about the convenience.

“Got it, man. Thanks.” You watch your boyfriend part ways with his younger brother and attending back to you on the candle-lit dinner table for two.

“All yours now.” Ran takes your hand in his, placing a soft kiss on the back of it. But before you could even open your mouth to answer, his phone rings and interrups the very second you get together alone.

“What?” He answers in annoyance.

“I forgot, but, those women at the counter has information on our guy. Can you take care of that? Mikey just asked for me back.” You could faintly hear Rindou's voice from the phone speakers

“Fine.”

“I just have one more thing to take care of, wait here.” Ran excuses himself, letting go of your hand to straighten up his suit to talk to the women.

Now, who's he tryna look good for?

You watch as the ladies' eyes instantly land on your boyfriend, heads following his as he pretended to order something.

“Hi, handsome. Care for a drink?” One woman initiates, “I'd like that.” He immediately agrees.

“What takes you here?” “Just work.” You listened to their distant conversation.

True, but try saying on a date with your girlfriend, dumbass.

....Right, he's undercover.

Their conversation went for about a couple minutes, as he tried to sneak information about the guy they were being sent to track. but these women have those details they needed. Fine.

Flirty looks and nails running up his arms were in the mix, and oh how you hated every moment of it— other women throwing themselves onto your boyfriend like that.

“Alright, all good now.” You watch him return to your table for the second time tonight.

“Let's get outta here.” You suggest, finishing the last few ounces of your champagne.

“Hoping you'd ask that.” Ran agreed, now offering his arm out for yours to intertwine. A smile paints on your face at the way you head out of the restaurant wiht your boyfriend, those girls from earlier probably eyeing you with envy.

“Let me get the car, baby.” You untangle yourself from his arm before heading to the valet parking boy to ask and get your car.

“Ran?” And just when he thought the night couldn't get any worse, a woman calls for his name. A voice a little too familiar.

“Oh, it's you.” Ran replied in a nonchalant tone. It was his ex lover,

“Lovely to see you here.” She answered.

“Mhm.” Ran could only hum in response.

“So, what you up to now?”

“Not much.” He didn't really want to go into detail of everything, or even tell her about his life in the first place.

“Well, aren't you gonna ask me?” She asks.

“How are you?” He caved with a sigh, wanting nothing but for you to return already.

“I just came back from France! and see, do you like it?” She takes the charm on her necklace, holding it up for Ran to see.

“Uh,”

“Can't see? Here, here.” She steps closer, bodies practically inches away from each other only for her to shove the jewelry in his face.

“Uh, okay. Yeah, very nice.” Sometimes, to stop hearing about it is to pretend to care about it. Ran agreed, taking a moment to look at the pendant she was so excited about.

“Car's here.” The sound of your throat clearing broke them apart.

“And this is...?” She trailed off.

Now, this woman was no stranger to you. Once you and Ran talked to each other about your past relationships, this woman was particularly horrible to him.

She cheated and took his money numerous times. Not to mention the verbal abuse she gave him on a daily basis.

“Haitani [Name].” You smile, hand reaching out to take hers in which she "gladly" accepts. “And, you must be the woman who used to date my husband.” You added, as if it was a dirty word.

“Mm, yeah, I am. I was pretty good at that. Maybe, a little too good.” She answered, sneaking a wink to your boyfriend which didn't go unnoticed.

“And huh, Wife... I don't see much but, this works, I guess? Congrats.” She added.

“Well, God has his favorites...” You chirped before scanning your eyes from her head to toe.

“Not you, though. Stay safe out there, disrespectfully.” You remarked, leaving her in offense. Ran couldn't even manage to stifle a laugh, a snort coming from him as your car arrives just in time for you to drag him outside.

“That was so fucking hot, holy shit [Name].” He chuckled, sliding into the back seat with you.

“Bitch needs to know her place. Tried her best though, just not good enough.” He could only kiss you in response, left arm hooking around your waist.

“Take us home.” He ordered the driver.

“Alright, what's up with you, hm?” Your sloppy kisses over his neck didn't go unnoticed by Ran, currently seated on his side of the bed, legs crossed and eyes glued to his phone screen.

“Just didn't like the way you were talking to those women and looking at your ex earlier.” You casually answered, hands now fumbling with the strings of his grey joggers.

“What you mean? They're all literally throwing themselves at me.” Ran lets his head fall back on your shoulder, returning the kisses on your neck.

“You seemed to enjoy it though,” You point out, successfully slithering your hand into his throbbing cock.

“Wrong.” He denied, his body falling back onto the mattress at your absence. “Sweetheart so eager?” You hopped onto the floor to get in between his legs,

“When my boyfriend's this sexy, yeah.” You replied, lips making in contact with the outline of his tattoo, starting on the ones on his chest.

While you were busy painting hickies over his tattoo, your hand continues to wander over his crotch, starting to jerk him slowly.

Ran could only lament from the pleasure, before watching as he hardened into your touch. You hear another salacious snivel from his lips when your thumb comes contact with the slit of his sensitive tip.

“Shit, do that again.” He instructed.

You obliged, adding another finger into the equation to massage his tip. “Mmmmm, shit, baby, yeah...” You watch his expression melt in fluster, continuing to pinch and knead your fingers over his now fragile tip.

“[Name]...” His hoarse cry came out desperately.

“What? You don't...” You paused for a moment, tracing the tip of your tongue over a prominent vein up his length. “Like it?”

“No, I love it, just— gonna cum.” struggled to speak through the pleasure.

Someone once told you to— “Pretend all his exes are in the room and you'll give the best performance of your life.”

You thought now's the time.

Once your eyes meet again, you sink your mouth down Ran's length, taking all of him once and for all.

When your eyes closed, all you could think about was those women standing in the room, watching you please their ex lover like no other, tongue swiping over the tip and head bobbing violently, fucking your throat into him.

“Mmmm....” He mumbled as you sucked his cock so superbly. “Shit! [Name], stop, I'm gonna fucking cum.” He beseeched, abs caving in erratically from all the pleasure building up so quickly.

He hated how easily you could turn him like that— so weak and vulnerable under your touch.

“On your knees.” He ordered. You oblige, getting back onto the bed with him while Ran goes over to the nightstand to retrieve something.

“Now suck me off. Again.” You feel the cold surface of his baton come in contact with your neck.

You but your lip in response, eyes making contact with his through your lashes. “Don't go shy on me now, stupid dirty girl.” He spat, pushing the stick further against your throat, restricting airflow.

You oblige in no time, picking up where you have left off moments ago. This time, hollowing your cheeks and hugging his length so perfectly. “Fuck, so warm...”

Ran sees a glance of your face fucking into his cock desperately. “Fuck, sweetheart, your pretty face looks so good stuffed with my cock like this.”

“What a jealous little slut.” You feel his baton come in contact with your ass this time, eliciting a loud cry from you.

“So cute,” He mewled. “Alright, princess. You've proven your point, my turn now.” He pulls off of your mouth, making a loud popping sound before pushing you onto the bed.

“Stay.” He spoke more harshly than the last time before leaning down slowly, leaving wet sloppy kisses, his fingers spreading your wetness around your folds moments before thrusting in harshly. “Shit, I'm not gonna last so long, you're so tight.”

He started moving his hips, but you tried your best not to moan so loudly.

“Don't hold it in, princess. Tell the neighbors how good I'm making you feel.” And that was all it took for you to let out your cries of pleasure in all force.

“Envious little slut.”

“Yes, Ran, Yes! Don't stop!” Your moaning grew louder, nails ripping at his shoulders and back as the bed shook from how fast he was going.

Suddenly, Ran picks you up in his arms, pushing you further into the headboard. Your skin clapped harder while Ran latched his mouth onto your shoulder to conceal his own moans. “Tell me how bad you want to cum.”

“Want you so bad, please. Your cock is so big and feels so good inside of me. Please, I'm your only good girl.” He laughs in response, thrusting deeper in response.

“Anyhing for you, darling...” Your vision turns white as he rubs your clit harshly in time wih his thrusts to send you over the edge.

Ran throws his head back with a groan, thrusting forward and squeezing his eyes shut before filling you with his cum.

“Fuck,” He cursed, collapsing on top of you, hot bodies colliding once more. His elbows supported his torso as he buried his head into your neck.

You whine softly as he pulls out, watching his thick release ooze out of your hole slowly.

“Shit, so good to me princess.” He remarked breathlessly.

[crossdressingdeath]

Since you're bored: I know you like romancing both Iron Bull and Dorian (you're right, a poly relationship with these two would be delightful), but which romance cut scene/quest do you prefer? You don't have to pick a favorite (I know I can't) but I'd love to hear your favorite bits and pieces about each.

Oh god it's so hard to choose. Full disclosure though, it has been a while since I did Dorian's romance so my memories of it are a little hazy? I remember the vibes but not a lot of the details. Took a break from DA and I just decided to go with Bull first for my return to the game. Dorian... soon.

Dorian's is definitely the sweeter of the two? Like, it's so fucking soft and affectionate. And the little dates you go on around Skyhold? As far as I'm aware none of the other romances do that! It's so good, I love it! And his romanced banter with Cole, god it's so cute I adore him. His sarcastic shock at you saying you prefer men during his personal quest if you've been flirting with him because "You are not subtle, oh lord Inquisitor" is very fun also. The increased disapproval when you drink from the Well if you romanced him because he was scared he'd lose you? His audible heartbreak at the end of Trespasser when he learns you're dying? Him inventing a magic phone so the two of you can talk while he's in Tevinter? Perfect, no notes. The way he says "amatus" is also just so good, A+ voice acting there. Also I love the bit where you go to that merchant who calls Quiz Dorian's friend in a Tone and Dorian goes "I know what you mean and he's not my friend" and Quiz just looks so offended, it's very funny to me, I actually had that expression as my profile pic for a while and I may go back to it once I romance him again. Also the general "fuck you" to the Chantry that is the Herald of Andraste falling for a Tevinter magister is delicious and I might have romanced him for that alone even if he wasn't so fantastic. I'm going to have to scramble through the rest of my Bull run so I can romance Dorian again, I miss him.

The initial flirt options for Bull's romance are just him totally ignoring all Quiz's flirting and insinuating and it is fantastic. I especially like the "I can protect you" "My blade can protect me just fine" "Maybe I can do things your blade can't" "Doubt it. It's got blood grooves" exchange after IHW/CotJ. He's just being deliberately obtuse about it and it's very fun. Also I love how incredibly thirsty Quiz is in Bull's romance, like they are here for this. They are going to ride the Bull and no force in Thedas can stop them. And it's still surprisingly sweet when you get into it? Which, when you hear "BDSM romance option" you probably don't immediately expect it to be pretty cute, but it is! Especially when you get the opportunity to actually fluster Bull; I believe he gets pretty flustered when you ask him to dance at the Winter Palace, and I vaguely remember an option to scare the shit out of him by jokingly taking one of his comments as a proposal late in the romance. ...I think, I haven't actually hit that point in this run yet so I don't really remember. Also the fact that you have to fight a dragon for him is both kind of a pain and also very him, if you were to take a complete newcomer to the series, show them a lineup of the Inquisition romances and ask them which one makes you fight a dragon to finalize the romance I bet they'd get it right. I continue to love the requisition request for the Necklace of the Kadan coming up while you're talking about it, a Quiz romancing Bull has zero chill and I love to see it. And how in the cutscene after killing your first high dragon he'll call you "kadan" if you're romancing him? Very good, very cute. Also the scene where all your advisors except Leliana walk in on you is so fucking funny to me. Especially when you look at the scene and realize that you're in Bull's room? Like they came looking for you in Bull's room and somehow didn't guess what was going on. Cassandra is especially funny because she can be in parties while party banter discussing the fact that you and Bull are fucking happens. She should know! ...Also I just realized that Leliana probably isn't there because unlike the others she almost walks in on you after the first time and is stopped by Bull, so she already knew and would've known to avoid Bull's room while you're there. Also again, Cole's banter with him if he's romanced is so good. I especially like how totally mortified Quiz can be about it and everyone's snarky comments. "If a rift were to open up right now and swallow me that would be fine" followed by Solas's "Provided it tied you down first, one assumes" is a personal favourite of mine. I also remember a very fun banter in Trespasser while you're underground, something about beds...? But I cannot remember the details for the life of me (honestly might be mixing up him and Dorian, it wouldn't be the first time), although when I went to check the banter page on the wiki I did learn that if you pick the right dialogue option after fighting the Qunari (provided you made the objectively correct choice and saved the Chargers, since if you didn't it is just Pain) Quiz will call Bull "darling" and I like that very much. I do remember the bit where you can distract him from the Chargers loudly moving his present across the floor by talking about sex shops! Bull's romance is very fun just because of how wildly unsubtle it is, like it can be very sweet but also this is the most down to fuck I've ever seen Quiz. Which does fit the friends with benefits to lovers theme of the romance, but still. It's fun.

But basically both romances are very very good and it kills me that there isn't a polyamory option. Let me have both, Bioware!

[yoonpobs]

we don't talk together | myg

pairing: min yoongi x oc

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, growth! exes that remain exes

words: 2, 842

summary: it's hard to say it's over

What they don't tell you about goodbyes is that it isn't the end.

It's far from the closing of a book. Goodbyes are the itch that urges you to pick up an old book from the shelf just to feel what you first felt when you re-read certain parts of a book; the same remorse you felt when a character you grew attached to didn't get the ending they deserved. Or, maybe it was the villain that was misunderstood—your own heart wishing to reach out to the sad soul that couldn't even be recognised when all they do is speak.

But some books will end up dusty, forgotten, tucked away in the corner of your shelf; or in the most drastic of cases: lost.

"The park looks ... different," Yoongi speaks up for a lack of a better conversation starter.

You hum. What would you say? That it wasn't the same from when we used to spend our Spring's blended into Summer's until it got too hot for us to lay in each other's embrace?

It was still too fresh even though it's been nearly a year.

"There are more dogs," You point out the moment a tan pomeranian runs past the two of you, the owner an old couple laughing away under the cherry blossoms.

He nods, fingers stuffed in his trench coat. You note that it's the same one he wore on your anniversary, plans abandoned when there was a mix-up with the reservations until the two of you stumbled across a hidden gem that soon became your go-to date place.

You will yourself to look away so no more memories can resurface. It seems like every part of your life has somehow seamlessly intertwined itself with traces of Yoongi that it was impossible for you to exist as just yourself.

"How are things at the firm?" He asks after the two of you walked side-by-side in complete silence as more and more chatter fill your ears.

"It's ... going," You chuckle dryly.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at you, shooting you a brief glance over until the two of you reach a bench. You dare say it's muscle memory that dragged your heavy feet into the direction of the only bench that you've known in the park. The compressed reminder of the initials of your names that you carved as teenagers likely still staining the years old wood. It was meant to be an emblem for wisdom, the ring of growth that meant to be the endgame for the two of you.

You almost laugh in bitterness and how literal the metaphor was.

"Everything okay?"

Yoongi takes the first step to sit on the bench because he always did. Ever the gentlemen when he opened doors for you, let you into the car first, waited until you stepped ahead of him to trail behind like a shield.

The first date, first kiss, first confession.

The first one to decide that it was over.

"My boss is just being sexist, as usual. I thought I'd get used to it after spending two years there but ... there are some things that you just stay unfamiliar, you know?"

It was very like you to speak in double-entendres without intending to. But it was also like Yoongi to pick up on it, especially after years of learning all the best and worst parts of you; he was and probably will be one of the few people in your lives that will always foresee your next move.

The two of you sit a fair distance apart on the bench even if it was a battle for space anyway. You didn't have the liberty to lean into his embrace anymore and he wasn't in the position to say that it was okay for you to breathe, to relax.

"You shouldn't get used to those remarks. There are times where you learn to grow used to constructive criticism but if what he's saying makes you question your worth because of very arbitrary reasons like your gender then that isn't criticism, nor is it constructive. It's bigoted and chauvinistic."

You look down to your thumbs as you fiddle with it, his words comforting you. It was woeful that you still chased validation from him even after learning to be that person to yourself.

"Yeah, I guess."

Then how did you get used to things?

If time didn't make things familiar then what did? Was it not the five years with Yoongi that led you to see him build an empire for himself all the while destroying the relationship that you had? Or was it because he was the person that you thought of doing the most minuscule things?

"By the way," He clears his throat, eyes still set forward, "Namjoon says hi."

You raise an eyebrow, surprised to hear the name of a mutual friend—or more appropriately, friend by association and acquaintance when that link was broken.

"He knows that you're with me?"

Yoongi nods his head.

"I needed to let someone at the studio know and ... well, he's the only one that knew of our situation."

You chuckle bitterly.

Of course. The suggestion of his work only made your heart drop because as much as you wanted to be supportive of him, even after the break-up, the name of his studio or songs only reminded you of the battle that you helplessly lost.

"You can tell him that I'm still a text or phone call away. No need to play messenger," You return.

The atmosphere is more reflective than awkward. You know that the two of you had your pieces to say, your own narrative to tell but neither brave enough to break the calm that you were settled in. It was a nice difference from the way that things ended, and you supposed that you were similar enough to believe in a mirage than the inevitable truth.

But you didn't call him out after six months to sit in silence to walk away with your heart feeling heavier, nor did you invite him out just to remember what it feels like to have him next to you—even in complete silence.

"Would you have really quit?"

This time, you gather all the bravery that you've built over the past few months to ask the question that has been mulling in your mind since the night you decided that it was officially over.

It was a painful break-up. Even if you expected it when Yoongi came home earlier one night with bags under his eyes and his keys that he usually left at the studio because he knew you'd always be home to open the door for him.

"I'm sorry?" He seems taken aback.

You don't blame him. You've always been more passive in dealing with confrontation due to your conflict-averse nature—but that didn't mean you didn't get angry or annoyed—or hurt. But if you learned anything, it was to stop asking yourself questions that you'll never have the answer to.

"Would you really have left the company to save our relationship?"

You chose your words carefully. Instead of saying to be with you, knowing that he lost the love, he had for you somewhere along the way—you point out the one hole that he held on to for the sake of stability. The one thing that was constant in his life with how unpredictable the music industry was.

"Yes."

Somehow, the answer doesn't make you feel better because even with time apart you knew he was lying to save your face.

"You don't owe me anything to lie to my face, Yoongi." You frown.

Yoongi sighs, rubbing his hands across his face as he leaves your statement hanging in the air to mull over his answer.

You prefer the silence that way. It showed that he was at least listening, or cared enough to decide his next set of words. Nothing like how much it pained you to acknowledge the responses you got from him when you were crying were just out of obligation than sincerity.

"No, I wouldn't have."

You nod your head, expectant of the answer but you needed to hear him say it himself rather than drowning yourself in ruminating thoughts of how there was still a semblance of hope that he would've given it up for you, for your relationship—or the life that you were meant to build.

"I wouldn't have asked you to, anyway." You confess.

Yoongi turns his head to look at you and for the first time since you've met at the park, he notices the absence of a necklace around your neck. The necklace that you never took off. He wants to comment on it, ask where it went or if you've pawned it off out of pettiness but he held no remorse towards you. You were tolerant with the break-up even as you sucked in your tears when he knew that it killed you on the inside. Yoongi didn't have the heart in him to ask you.

"Oh."

"You were the one that said you'd quit so we could stay together," You say softly.

Yoongi doesn't respond as he looks back to the night where the two of you sat down to talk about the standing of your relationship. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that started off with an amicable discussion that eventually led to the two of you yelling until you surrendered to your tears and just left the battle completely.

He said a lot of things that night. From things that he's been bottling up for months, to things that he's always wanted to tell you and things that he didn't remotely mean, and things that he's regretted the moment it left his lips.

"I guess I did."

You sigh, leaning back into the bench as you observe a couple walking in front of you, passing your bench as they share an ice cream on a cone; bickering on who'd get the first lick. To anyone, you and Yoongi would've looked just like a couple that has reached a comfortable point in your relationship where intimacy was just sitting next to one another.

But you admit, there was something oddly intimate and heart-breaking about sitting next to someone you've loved with your whole heart and feel nothing but ... weightlessness. Like the burden of your concerns was lifted ever so slightly just being here.

"I wouldn't have made you choose between your relationship or your dream, Yoongi. I would never have done that to you."

Yoongi knew you would never have made him do something as abhorrent as that. You were far too understanding. But you had wanted from him too, that he wasn't willing to provide just yet. He didn't know if it was because of the expiration date to your relationship or because of the stress he was under at work—but he convinced himself that it was you that was asking for too much instead of him compromising too little.

"I ... I know," He whispers, "I'm sorry."

You purse your lips. You try not to let your emotions appear on your sleeve. You were tired of allowing your face to speak before you did. You needed to use the voice you had.

"I loved you so much, Yoongi," You murmur, "I loved you so much that I would have taken anything I could've gotten with you just so I could be with you."

Yoongi stays silent at this.

"I didn't mind if you spent more time at work than at our home. I just wanted to know if I was ever in the picture when you were talking about the future. I know how much you love music and I supported you through every audition and failure ... and to know that I was just—" You swallow, the words still painful to say. But you needed to make your peace with it, "—that I was just someone that would wait for you instead of your partner. That's when I knew that you didn't love me the way I loved you."

Yoongi chokes to speak up but you shake your head.

"No, Yoongi. You loved me, you did. But somewhere along the way you stopped and you just pretended that we were okay even when I was trying my best to fix the seams. I wasn't your girlfriend anymore, I was just someone familiar to you and I didn't deserve to feel that way." You tell him sternly.

Yoongi surrenders to his silence as you take a deep breath to continue.

"Maybe I loved you too much in a way that you couldn't understand."

"_______, don't say that—" His eyes widen when he tries to reach a hand to yours to comfort you, but your body language remains stoic as you keep your hands in your lap.

"—and that's okay Yoongi. I loved you but not in the way you needed. I'm not here to make you feel bad about what I chose to do on my own because it wasn't my fault that I couldn't be what you need." You say sadly, but a small smile on your face as you finally say the words that have been eating at you for months.

"... okay," Yoongi accepts.

"We all have different ways to love and be loved. I loved you and that was enough for you at one point but love isn't all a relationship needs. You loved me too, in your own way and I accepted that but just because it was enough for me doesn't mean it was enough for us." You glance over at him to see him staring at you intently.

"I'm sorry that things turned out this way," Yoongi says softly, eyes gentle.

You wave him off.

"I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I loved you, though," He confesses, eyes returning to the scene in front of him filled with different colours of life that seemed to look vibrant under the Spring sunset.

You shake your head and chuckle softly.

"You say that now but you'll meet someone one day and you'll remember all the reasons why you love in the first place. And it'll be enough for you, and them."

He shrugs, a small smile itching on his face.

"I really did love you," He says, "But I'm sorry for not being honest with you. I owe you that much of an apology."

"We're not here to forgive or forget, Yoongi," You look at him kindly, "We're here to move on."

He purses his lips and hums, nodding his head.

"I hope you get that promotion at work you were talking about months ago, ______." Yoongi offers, a gentle grin marring his face.

"I did," You shrug.

It feels liberating to have achieved something and only feeling content by acknowledging it yourself. Months ago, you would've hurt at the fact that Yoongi didn't know. But the change you welcomed after the end only showed you that there was a new path for you to walk on.

His eyes widen, but eventually, he chuckles and shakes his head, muttering something under his breath that sounded a lot like knew it.

You push yourself off the bench, dusting your hands on your pants as you offer him one last smile before you say goodbye for the second time.

"I hope you find someone who you'll love more than you ever did with me." You tease.

He rolls his eyes.

"Impossible," The grin on his face is easy, and your heart still clenches at the nonchalance, but you don't expect the feeling to go away so easily—nor do you mind. It just shows that you needed to wait and that you were willing to do it.

"Of course you will. You're a musician, Yoongi. You need a muse," You smirk at him as you turn around, a small wave on your hand to say goodbye.

As you walk away and his body gets smaller and smaller from your vision, you turn around to say:

"We don't talk together is a beautiful song."

Yoongi's smile is genuine, and so is his goodbye. A gentle acknowledgment of his hand as he stands up himself, walking to the other direction of where you were headed.

You still had a love for Yoongi, and you suppose you always will. Just like how you would feel pleasant when rediscovering a childhood hobby that triggers a fond memory, or how you love different things in your life in different ways. Whether or not you love someone more than you've ever loved Yoongi isn't your concern, because when love comes in one form, it goes in another.

When you still take the same route you'd usually take with Yoongi after your walks back home, you pass the cafe you used to frequent to see that it's replaced with a new bar. You smile fondly to yourself, shaking your head.

You loved that place.

But eventually, you'll find another cafe with a beautiful interior and a latte to match, and you'll love it too.

[listless-brainrot]

Hi! I know you love Haru and I'd love to hear your thoughts on what his personality is like? Not his bending or his ships, but just what kind of person he is. He was super undeveloped in ATLA and I'd love to understand him better and write about him!

hey, i'm glad you asked!! super flattering to have you come to me in regards to this question, and i've analyzed this guy to hell and back over the course of nearly a year now, so i'd be more than happy to give you my characterization of him

granted, it's pretty lengthy, and is heavily based on canon, hence why a lot of it ties to his bending, but i'll try my best to make it so that it's more about haru as a person, rather than his service to the plot

also makes me super happy to hear that people do want to understand and write about him!! that really does mean the world to me particularly, so thank you <3

with all of this in mind, here's a collection of my (pretty lengthy, sorry about that) thoughts:

haru being super undeveloped is actually one of the reasons why i find him so compelling- there’s so much you can do with a character of his caliber because there’s not much canon/supplementary material that can discredit your characterizations. canon, however, does actually supply a characterization of him that i’ve managed to compile and accrue over the course of finding nearly every single little detail i can find pertaining to him. this includes his canon episodes in both book 1 and 3, the videogame he appears in (which is straight up called avatar: the last airbender), and even the silly shorts.

(mild disclaimer, i know full well that the latter two i mentioned are considered non canon, but i like incorporating little bits and pieces of what they have to offer, as i don’t really have any other options. also, the videogames are the only supplementary material where he’s treated as a part of the gaang, so it’s the most personality you’ll ever get.)

i’ll start with main characteristics i try to keep in mind when writing him, and then talk about smaller, more innocuous details that i just find particularly fitting for him.

haru is:

emotionally driven. a lot of his decisions are more driven by emotion, rather than logic. this ties in with his impulsivity and morality. he’s aggravated by his position in the village as the only earthbender left, and this culminates into him still bending discreetly despite the inherent risk. he does this not only for himself, but to preserve the (possibly only) emotional connection he has to his arrested father. this is a similarity he shares with katara, who’s emotionally tied to her mother due to losing her, and haru is the one to understand what that loss really means in this interaction: “this necklace is all i have left of her.” “it’s not enough, is it?” by saying this instead of an apology or some other response, he shows that the feeling of loss she’s experiencing is mutually understood in a way that goes beyond just sympathy. there is nothing that will replace who you’ve lost other than the person themselves, and he understand that more than anyone. it’s also implied that haru doesn’t know if his father is still alive, as no one knows where the prisoners go, but it’s clear that he still holds a sort of hope that he’s somewhere out there, and that keeps him going. it just takes a little bit of outside influence for him to fully believe in that, as well as being reunited with his father again. in general, he’s also pretty receptive of other’s emotions, and is quick to come to their aid.

impulsive. not just impulsive, either- he’s got anger and resentment lying beneath his quiet composure. it’s not as bad as characters such as zuko’s, but it’s still worth mentioning. i’ll mention the impulse part first, though- generally speaking, haru reacts faster than he thinks. upon being spotted practicing his bending by katara, he runs away without pausing to consider the harmful repercussions of being found out (nor followed home). he not only runs away from danger as a first instinct, he also runs towards it in some cases, ironically enough- he’s the first one to notice and immediately run towards the mines once he hears/sees the explosion and suspects that someone’s in trouble. he does this without any prompting by katara, even if the act of actually saving the old man needed some egging on from her in order for him to accomplish. his impulsivity comes to a head in the form of his most dangerous act- him attacking the warden. i’ve already elaborated on that specific interaction here, though i will once again emphasize that haru had absolutely no plans past attacking the warden based on his body language, further fueling the idea that this was just a split second decision, one made on nothing but complete and utter impulse. to bring the anger aspect into this, he’s also unable to hold his tongue and insults the fire nation soldiers and even his town once the former leaves, and his instincts swing wildly between running and fighting on a dime with little in-between.

adaptable. instead of completely shutting down in the face of such a negative situation (and over the course of five years, no less), he brings it upon himself to practice bending, accept his role as man of the house and work in both the shop and on the farm, and other responsibilities that go unmentioned, especially when taking into account that his father is apparently the leader of his village. this is where you could start paralleling him well to sokka, which i have done before, but i will make this more haru-oriented. there is definitely a lot more to be inferred with this particular aspect of him, but i will say that it takes someone of strong will to adapt to the situations presented in his episode, and learning to live with the grim reality of fire nation occupation. to run down what we see again- soldiers freely patrolling the villages, soldiers overtaxing the villagers, soldiers entering wherever they wish unannounced, soldiers stealing away people in the night without much resistance, soldiers forcing villagers to work in the coal mines to gather the coal needed for their ships, and soldiers forcing captured earthbenders to build fire nation ships. this is all off of the top of my head, so i could be missing a lot, but again, seeing haru still be as morally oriented and determined as he is after all of this, it’s pretty impressive and telling of his adaptive capabilities. to take this one step further, he’s also extremely adaptable when it comes to working with others, as in the games he fills his role as a necessary component of the gaang without conflicting sokka or other preexisting roles, and in book 3, he finds his place amongst teo and the duke, taking the most initiative amongst the three.

lonely. a snippet from his personality bio on avatarspirit.net calls him “lonely and brave”, and i think that’s especially fitting for his character. he only had his mom for five whole years after every other earthbender was taken away, and this is without mentioning the ostracization he faced simply being one, given how the fire nation constantly demoralizes his country’s benders and likens them to savages. the village he lives in also appears to be full of old folks, so it’s not very likely that he had friends his age that were even in town, especially if we consider the circumstances of following book 2 episodes with the earth army recruiters. (it’s also unlikely that his friends are alive if they did join the army- take a gander at this line from zuko alone: Gow: Just thought someone ought to tell you, your son's battalion got captured. You boys hear what the Fire Nation did with their last group of Earth Kingdom prisoners? Soldier: Dressed them up in Fire Nation uniforms and put them on the frontline unarmed, way I heard it.  Then they just watched.) furthermore, it’s not likely that haru could’ve left his little village prior to its occupation- the games imply he’d been to omashu previously, but the circumstances of the war make this unlikely, unless he was super young. given his not always pleasant attitude and sullen expression we sometimes see him with, it’s not hard to imagine that the effects of him being so alone without the connections he needs has affected him deeply.

some other things:

-he’s horrible at lying (”they’re crazy! i mean, just look at how they’re dressed” is that really the best excuse you could’ve come up with??). -he doesn’t like keeping his hands/arms still (arms are usually crossed, sometimes gestures as he talks, hands usually balled as if expecting a fight). -he’s pretty outwardly expressive (for someone who’s supposed to be hiding most of the time, he tends to wear his emotions/intentions on his sleeve). -he can’t bite his tongue (especially when it comes to something that goes against his personal beliefs). -he doesn’t know how to react to touch (katara hugging him takes him by surprise both times, and he doesn’t reciprocate often, if anything he reacts stiffly) -he’s particular about his appearance (notably in the games, he makes negative comments about people touching his hair, and there’s also. sokka’s comments in book 3. sigh.) -he’s considered dangerous/sensitive by others (note sokka’s comments in book 1, and katara’s comments in the school time shipping short) -he lives a busy personal life (works both in the family shop and on the family farm, and has probably had to work in the coal mines at some point, though this is speculative) -he’s not above poking/having fun (in the games, he’s not above making fun of sokka and his comments about benders, and jumps at the opportunity to ride the omashu mail chutes) -he’s family oriented (count how many times he talks about his parents, it is many times i assure you, it’s important to note that he’s one of the few atla characters to actually have both parents as well as a decent relationship with them) -he has a tendency to idealize. he talks about his father fighting against the fire nation even when horribly outnumbered. it wouldn’t be surprising if he idealized the ideal of rebellion (which would later bite him given that:) -he’s a part of the first successful earth kingdom rebellion. this is mentioned on the wiki, and is unfortunately not shown in the show. it should’ve been, though. -he’s dramatic. he has an entire cliff he brings katara up to just to be dramatic and spill his sad backstory. he needs to be encouraged to save the old man, but he does it in the most dramatic way possible- he really didn’t have to stop the entire avalanche AND push it back into the mines. drama king. -he is very lucky. this can apply to anyone who encounters the gaang, but honestly, given his personality and a few things i’ve mentioned above, it’s a miracle that he’d survived as long as he did without detection nor suspicion. -he’s creative. (this one is much more speculative, but he does create huge statues of katara and ty lee pretty quickly, maybe he’s done similar things before)

to summarize: he’s a lonely impulsive idealist who isn’t afraid to throw hands if necessary and is also very attached to his dad <3 his connection to his dad makes up at least 75% of his personality

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

Bro so I really loved I Need You it was so fucking soft and I love childhood sweethearts as a trope - and I was wondering if there was any chance you'd ever write some spinoff blurbs/fics for it or smth?? I just rlly loved the reader in this one and so it'd be cool to have some more of the relationship?? Like I'd love to see the actual proposal??

Just to reiterate that you guys can always request spin-off blurbs to any of the fics I’ve written and especially with I Need You bc it was one of my favourite things I’ve ever written so I’d love to keep writing bits and bobs for it just dipping in and out of their lives y’know? Also I had a cute idea for the proposal so I’m glad you requested it I just wasn’t sure about putting it into the actual fic bc I didn’t think it fit very well y’know?

I Need You

------------------------------------------------------------

Calum watched Y/N spinning his ring around her finger.

It was far too big for her, didn’t even remotely fit on but they both loved it. 

Ever since the night on the balcony where he had confessed his plans for proposing to her, the thought had been overtaking both of them. In both of their minds, Calum had basically already proposed, having revealed his plans and made a speech about his love for her already.

All that was missing was the ring.

The next morning, Calum had handed her one of his rings, the one that he knew was her favourite, and shyly proposed that it would be a placeholder for the real thing.

Y/N had been delighted by the suggestion and had worn it everyday, often as a second charm on the necklace that Calum had bought her for their five year anniversary.

Tonight, though, she had slipped it off of the chain and placed it on her finger, playing with it the whole time that they were out for dinner with the guys.

“Is it finished yet?” Ashton asked, leaning closer to Calum in an attempt to have their conversation out of earshot from Y/N, who was, as always, sat next to him. Though she was in conversation with Michael and Crystal not listening to Ashton and Calum talking.

“Hm?”

“The ring - has it been adjusted yet?” Ashton clarified, smiling a little at his friend’s confusion. 

“Oh - yeah, I got it back today,” Calum confirmed. Sierra and Luke had been listening into the conversation from across the table and leaned forwards, their eyes wide with excitement.

“So when’re you going to do it?” Luke asked, his eyes bright, thrilled that it was finally going to happen for two of his best friends.

“Oh... I don’t know, probably on the walk home?” 

Calum could tell that his friends were mildly taken aback by his nonchalance, they weren’t aware of the conversation that him and Y/N had had on their balcony only a few weeks ago. They didn’t know that to both Calum and Y/N they were essentially already engaged.

“Have you got it with you?” Sierra asked in wonder and Calum nodded his confirmation. Sierra bit her lip before asking: “can we look at it?” 

Calum hesitated, unsure of whether or not he wanted to allow the others to see the ring before his girlfriend. Ashton had already seen it as he had been with Calum when he initially went ring shopping. But even Ashton hadn’t seen the personalisation he had gotten for it.

“Well if he does it tonight we’ll all be able to see it in no time,” Luke pointed out, his arm rested around his girlfriend’s shoulders and Calum gave him a grateful smile, not wanting to have to reject any of his friend’s questions.

“What’re you guys keeping secrets about?” Y/N asked, shuffling closer to Calum, resting her head lightly on his chest and smiling dopily at all of them. It was nearing the end of the evening and Y/N had had a couple of glasses of wine.

Calum kissed the top of her head affectionately - she never had been able to handle her alcohol.

“It wouldn’t be a secret if we told you, now would it?” Y/N pouted at him and Calum chuckled, warmth and adoration filling his chest and he knew he just had to do it. “Come on, baby, lets get you home.”

“But I’m having fun,” she whined.

“Nah, you look tired, Y/N. You two should get home,” Ashton spoke up and Y/N huffed.

“We can pick up ice cream on the way home,” Calum bribed and that was enough to convince her to say goodbye to their friends.

Calum laced their fingers together as they left the restaurant, the two of them bundled up in warm coats against the chill of the January air.

“This isn’t the way home,” Y/N realised after Calum had taken them down three wrong turnings. She huddled closer to him. “I’m gonna be so pissed if the whole of the last ten years was just you gaining my trust so that you could murder me,” she mumbled.

“You’re so lovely,” Calum sighed and Y/N hummed in agreement.

“I am pretty great,” she agreed. “I thought we were going to get ice cream, though?”

“We’ll get some after - I just need to do something first,” Calum promised and Y/N nodded, tiredly leaning even further into him.

Calum adored the trust she had, her willingness to just follow his lead, and believe that he was doing the right thing. Because he knew that he, too, would follow her anywhere.

“This’ll do,” Calum murmured, holding the gate to the park open and Y/N stepped through first. “Now, I know it’s not quite home and that we don’t have Alan or Duke with us but I think it’s the closest we’re going to get.” Y/N smiled up at him.

“Is this what I think it is?” She asked, her voice hushed and Calum nodded. “Should I take this off then?” She gestured to the oversized ring on her finger and Calum shrugged.

“If you want to - no matter what it’s going to be perfect.” He lowered himself to one knee and grinned at her expression. “You going to cry?” 

“Shut the fuck up,” she muttered, laughing a little.

“I have spent the whole of my adult life with you at my side,” Calum began, his cheeks beginning to ache with how wide his smile is. “Every song I’ve ever written has been about you, when we were younger every goal I scored was for you and now, every time my heart beats it’s for you,” Y/N swallowed heavily at Calum’s words trying to steady her breathing and control herself from crying. “And I know you said that you’d say yes when I asked but just to make sure you’ll stick to your word,” Calum brought out the ring box and opened it. “Will you marry me?”

“I never was one to break a promise,” Y/N sniffled, laughing a little through her tears. “Of course I’ll marry you, Cal.”

Calum stood up, embracing her tightly, their tears mixing together as they laughed from pure and utter joy in the park, waiting for their future to start.

“God, Cal, it’s beautiful,” Y/N exclaimed when they pulled away and Calum handed her the ring box.

“I was trying to get something to match you,” Y/N looked up at him, a slight grimace on her face.

“Even for you that was bad,” Calum’s response was to kiss her.

Y/N couldn’t stop herself from laughing, however, when she saw what Calum had had inscribed around the inside of her ring.

‘So you don’t forget your roots’

Calum had told her that he didn’t think she’d appreciate him writing ‘fucking’ on her engagement ring.

Spin-Off Blurbs for I Need You

[shawnpetermuffins]

Too Close to You

' @luke-skywalkin : so I’m currently obsessed with jealous needy shawn sooo can u write one🥺'

Warnings: swearing, slight angst, mentions of smut

A/n: I got a little carried away with this, I think. But I kinda like it. I've also never written a full jealous!shawn so I hope this is okay.

Summary: Shawn thinks his friends like you a little too much and he's not handling it well.

Requested: yes.

***

I love to hang out with Shawn and his friends. Ever since Shawn introduced me to them, I'd felt like part of the group. We all have inside jokes with each other, and when Shawn is out on tour and I can't be there with him, the guys always invite me to go out with them. Of course I agree, because let's face it, they need a wing-woman, because they have a difficult time getting girls for themselves.

So, yes, we're close. Which is why it doesn't bother me when Jon pulls me into his lap while we're at Brian's, all of us just drinking and having a good time. Just like it doesn't bother me that he's tickling my sides or playing with my hair. In fact, I lean into him because it feels nice, and with two cups of whatever strong, alcoholic concoction Matt had cooked up, it's not like I was in any position to sit straight for long periods of time.

Shawn's standing in the doorway, staring at me, and in my sober state, I would be able to tell that he's standing way too straight and that his jaw is clenched in that way it does when he's angry. But tipsy me does nothing about it, only takes the cup from Jon's hand and sips it.

“God, I need to get laid,” Brian exclaimed, plopping down next to us and pulling my feet into his lap.

“That's not all life is about, you know. Why don't you look for something real. Someone smart, and funny, and beautiful,” Shawn said, sitting on the coffee table in front of us. He's nursing the bottle of water in his hands - deciding that if I'm drinking tonight, he wouldn't be.

“Easy for you to say when you literally just described your girlfriend,” Matt said from the arm rest next to my head. “You seriously got the hottest, smartest, funniest woman on earth. What's even the point in the rest of us looking?”

My cheeks flush red and I let out a soft “Awwwe! Matty, that was so sweet!” I take a hold of his arm and he looks down at me. “C’mere.”

He leans down and I press the softest, quickest kiss to his lips before pulling away. Neither of us think anything of it. Shawn does, that's apparent in the way he crosses his arms over his chest, and sharply inhales through his nose.

“Okay, I need another drink. Let me up guys,” I pat Jon's chest and Brian swings my legs to the ground for me. I steady myself, both Matt and Shawn holding their arms out for me to grab. I stumble lightly into kitchen to fill up my cup. I'm in there a couple minutes, listening to the music that's now muffled - still loud, of course. But muffled, nonetheless.

I'm about to go back to sit with Jon when a tug on my arm pulls me in the opposite direction. Shawn's head rests against my stomach and my hand very instinctively goes to his hair. He hums, his hands resting on the pockets of my super skinny jeans. I swat at his hands when he kneads the covered flesh.

“Shawn, we're in public.”

“We're in Brian's living room. That's hardly considered public.” He's looking up at me, his curls flopping over his forehead, lashes brushing just under his eyebrows and I'm swooning.

But the moment ends much too soon when Brian pulls me back in, this time squished between him and Jon. “Smile!” Matt says, hiding behind Brian's Polaroid.

I close my eyes - knowing just how drunk I'd look if I kept them open - and smile wide, baring my teeth. I feel two sets of lips on me before the flash goes off and when I open my eyes, I see Shawn standing, his ears red, breathing heavy.

I push myself off the couch, best I can and brush my hand against his arm. “Are you okay?”

“Let's get out of here,” He pinches the bridge of his nose.”

“Shawn.”

“Y/n. I'm tired and I want to go. Please,” he says through gritted teeth. The boys aren't paying any attention to us.

I sigh, “Okay.”

The goodbyes are quick, Shawn's hand never leaving my back pocket. I didn't even hug the guys before he was rushing me to the car, faster and little more forcefully than usual. His breathing still hasn't calmed, even after a few blocks.

“Bubs, what's wrong?” I ask when we're nearer to the condo.

“We really need to limit the time we spend with the guys.”

“What? Why?”

He scoffs and looks at me, only for a second before turning back to the road. “They're all over you, for fucks sake.”

“They are not!”

“And you're not doing anything to stop them! You're encouraging it, even!”

“Are you serious right now?” I hiccup, the only clear sign that I've drank a little too much tonight.

“Am I serious?” he's fuming, turning onto our street. “Yes, I'm fucking serious! What was that kiss with Matt? You initiated it!”

“It was less than a second! It didn't mean anything.”

“Well it did to me!” He sets the car in park and is out before I can even say anything back.

I get out of his jeep, rushing after him, “Shawn!”

“Those are my friends, y/n!” He says, opening the door to the condo. “My best friends!” He continues when the door closes behind me. “And they're over here talking about how hot you are and how they wish they had someone like you. And you let them. You let them say those things and you let them touch you and kiss you and it fucking hurts! You're my girlfriend! Mine! And it really doesn't help that you wear those tight jeans, and low cut shirts because you're leaving very little to the imagination. They shouldn't get to see that.”

“You’re getting jealous over nothing. They don't get to have me, Shawn! You do!”

“Then why don't you act like it?! I'm never here, y/n! I'm never fucking here. But they are!” He gestures like they're in the next room. “They get to see you every day. Hold you when a guy gets too close, even though they're too close.”

“Bub-”

“How would you like it if I did that with my girl friends? Kissed Camila when she said something sweet? Let Alessia hug up on me while we're in the green room?”

I cross my arms over my chest, hating the fact that he thinks that would upset me. "I think your fans would have a bigger problem with it than I would."

He rolls his eyes, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That I don't have millions of fans watching my every move. You so much as look at another girl and there's twenty articles up that you're cheating on me. That we broke up. That our relationship was a sham. Your fans would believe it and quite possibly murder you before I even open Instagram to see how you've broken the internet this time."

He sighs.

"I don't get jealous, Shawn. You know that. And you've reassured me every time you leave that you love me and only me and I believe you. So I need you to believe me when I tell you that there's nothing going on with me or any of the guys. We're comfortable with each other. They protect me when you're not here. They're not trying to get with me when we go out to the bar; they stay near me and make sure no one else tries making a move. They do it because they know you would hate yourself if something happened while you were gone. There's no reason for you to ever thing that I would leave you, and for one of your best friends, no less! So whatever jealousy you're harboring right now needs to go. Because I'm tired and this fight is fucking stupid and I'm going to bed." I push past him and into our shared bedroom.

---

Dressed in my pajamas, I lay on my side, eyes closed, but not sleeping. I hear Shawn sigh as he walks in the room, my back is towards him when I feel the bed dip on his side. I think he's going to reach for me after he's situated under the covers, but he doesn't and my heart breaks a little.

Sleep doesn't come easy, or at all, actually. I'm staring at the alarm clock that Shawn insisted on putting across the room so that we'd have no choice but to get up when it went off, and it reads 2:07. We've been in bed like this for three hours. And I know he's not asleep because he's not doing that little snore that he does when he sleeps on his back.

At 2:28, when my eyes are just now becoming too heavy to keep open, he shifts onto his side and his arm sprawls across my waist. "Baby," he whispers into my shoulder, placing a gentle kiss on the covered skin. It takes everything in my not to melt into him right then and there. "I know you're not asleep."

I sigh and shift until I'm facing him. "What?"

"I'm sorry," he says, his thumb rubbing against my jaw. "I'm an idiot."

"Yeah, kinda." I agree.

He chuckles and I know we're okay. "I know I don't have to be jealous. But hearing Matt say what I already know, it did something to me. Because you are the hottest," he kisses my forehead, "smartest," my nose, "funniest," my lips, "Girlfriend in the world. And if he's noticed, then other guys have too and the thought of another guy wanting you drives me crazy."

"But I don't want them," I try and reason.

"I know. I know you don't. But do you see where I'm coming from? They're here. They're stable... I can't lose you, baby."

"Hey," I reach out to touch his face. "We are stable. Bub, I am not going anywhere."

His arms wrap around me with ease and just like that I'm straddling his naked torso, my hands resting his chest and then tangling his necklace between my fingers. "I'm right here. I'm in your hands. You have me."

He nods, his index fingers running over my sides from beneath my shirt. I hum and lean down, kissing his lips, never wanting to pull away. And this went on for what felt like forever, until my back once again hit the plush of our mattress. "I need you," he groans, lips trailing down my neck.

"I'm here," I reassure him, threading my fingers through his hair, clearly not understanding the meaning of his words.

"I need you," he says again, this time pressing his hips against mine. It clicks for me then and I nod.

"Okay baby." I mutter breathlessly because his tongue on the shell of my ear has me weak at the knees.

He takes his time with me. Kissing every inch of my body, clothed and unclothed. His touch is so soft and gentle that if I wasn't watching him, I'd have thought it wasn't real. And then he finally pushes himself into me, staying steady for a second, allowing me to get used to his size. Looking dwn at us, just out of curiosity, I notice that you can't even tell where I end and he begins. We're one. I'm whole as he thrusts into me slowly.

His thrusts are deep and even and measured. I couldn't even tell him how much I needed him; he left me speechless. He murmurs 'I love you' all over my body, and I wish you could tattoo sounds into your skin because I want to hear that forever. It's overwhelming how much we both need each other in this vulnerable moment. Him worried that I would someday leave him and me trying like hell to get him to believe I won't.

We're rarely ever this careful with each other. It's as if he's scared that going faster, harder will push me to the edge - And not the edge that he wants to bring me so desperately to. He's treating me like I'm fragile, like we're fragile. We're not, and I kiss him a little deeper to prove that we're not. Shawn's panting in my ear with another slow, deep thrust into me and my fingers claw at his back with a strangled moan eliciting my lips. This isnt just sex. We're making love. This is raw and passionate, and everything that making love should be.

***

A/n: this is not how I originally planned on ending this, but I actually think I like it better. There is an alternate ending if you guys want that later on though. 😉

I hope you enjoyed! Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙