#if i'm being honest with myself i've never been held how i needed

[pamwritessometimes]

Fridays are for beer and heartbreak

Beau Arlen x Reader

A/N: It's just a little something I came up with the other day. If I'm being honest, I've never seen Big Sky, but I'm a simp for a man in cowboy boots, so... enjoy. 🤍

Warnings: none? oh, maybe that English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes.

It wasn’t necessarily a bad day. For what it's worth, it was a relatively nice, sunny day in Montana terms. Sure, my boyfriend declared the final break-up of our relationship, but to be frank, I was utterly unfazed by his antics; we’ve been in an on-again-off-again relationship for a year now. Not that it was serious in the first place. At least, not for him. And, if I’m honest with myself, maybe not for me either. So yeah, it was a relatively okay day.

Still, there’s something about hearing the finality in someone’s voice, even when it’s a toxic someone, that leaves you feeling a little hollow. The break-up itself wasn’t anything spectacular—just another drawn-out argument that ended with him muttering some lame excuse before walking out. It had happened so many times before that I almost laughed when he slammed the door.

I was free. Really free. But that didn’t stop the ache sitting heavy in my chest.

I pushed through the rest of my day, the usual routine of prepping for the evening rush at the bar. A glance in the mirror told me I looked the part—western boots, worn-in jeans, a dark brown suede jacket I loved more than I probably should, and my hair pulled back just enough to stay out of my face but still look effortless. I should have felt like myself. I was supposed to be this confident, tough woman who didn’t need anyone to mess with her head, but tonight… I just didn’t have the energy to be that.

The bar was packed for a Friday night, as it usually was by this time of the evening. The usual crowd was in full swing, with the sound of old country and blues tunes playing from the jukebox and the steady clink of bottles being set on tables. It was one of those oldie bars that still had that charming and rustic atmosphere, like time stilled between its four walls. That night I stayed behind the counter more than I usually did, letting the other servers handle most of the tables. I wasn’t in the mood to make small talk or listen to the same old stories I’d heard a thousand times. I didn't have the energy for that either.

Then, Beau walked in. Right on schedule.

He had this easy confidence about him, something I noticed the first time he came in months ago. It was in the way he held himself, like he could command a room without trying, but somehow never made a big deal about it. Tall, broad shoulders, dark hair that always looked like he just ran a hand through it after a long shift. And those eyes—green, like the pines up in the mountains after the rain.

He always came in around this time on Fridays, right after his shift ended. Sheriff of Helena by day, patron at my bar by night. There was something comforting about the routine of it. Maybe because he was the closest thing I had to a friend here, even though we were more like two people who enjoyed each other’s company but kept everything else at arm’s length. Still, there was always something unspoken between us—something that hung in the air when he sat down at the bar, a tension I couldn’t quite name. Beau slid onto the barstool closest to me, the one he always sat at, and gave me a smile that eased the ache I’d been feeling all day.

“Evening” he said in that slow, easy drawl of his, laying his hat on the counter. “How’s it going, darling?”

I forced a smile, pulling a cold beer from behind the bar and sliding it across to him without asking. He always ordered the same thing, and I always had it ready for him. “Same as always” I replied, but even I could hear the flatness in my voice. His eyes narrowed a little as he studied me, and I could feel his gaze linger on my slight frown. He had a way of seeing through me, like he could tell when something was off even before I said anything. 

“You sure about that?” His voice was quiet, not pushing, just waiting for me to let him in. It was the way he asked, like he already knew the answer but was giving me a chance to speak first.

I glanced away, grabbing a towel and pretending to wipe down the already squeaky clean counter. “I’m fine. Just… had one of those days.”

Beau took a long sip of his beer, but he didn’t take his eyes off me. “Doesn’t seem like nothing.”

I let out a breath and leaned on the bar, dropping the towel and meeting his gaze. “He broke up with me. For real this time.” I hadn’t planned on saying it, but the words came out before I could stop them.

He raised an eyebrow, but there wasn’t a hint of surprise in his face. “You mean, finally?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, a short, sharp sound that felt good coming out. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

Beau didn’t say anything right away. He just sat there, watching me with those damn eyes that made it hard to keep things light. There was something deeper there tonight, something that had always simmered between us but felt more dangerous now, like we were toeing a line neither of us had been willing to cross before. 

“You good with that?” His voice was softer now, the edges gentler, and it felt like a real question, not just small talk.

“Honestly? I’m better off. I know that. But… it still stings, you know?”

Beau nodded, and something flickered in his expression, something almost protective. His gaze softened matching his voice. “You deserve so much better than what he was giving you, darling.”

His words hung in the air between us, heavy with underlying meanings. I knew what he meant. I knew he wasn’t just talking about my ex, and that’s when the tension snapped into something sharper, something deeper. I felt it in the way he was looking at me now, not as the bartender he chatted with every Friday, but as someone he cared about. But could that be the truth?

Maybe I wasn’t just his bartender either. Maybe we’d been dancing around this for too long. I leaned in slightly, not even realizing I was doing it until I saw his gaze drop to my lips. The bar around us seemed to fade, the noise, the people...none of it mattered in that moment. It was just me and Beau and the weight of everything unsaid between us thick and obvious in the air. 

“You gonna be alright?” he asked finally, and I couldn't help but notice how his voice became an octave lower... intimate in a way that sent a shiver down my spine.

“I think so” I whispered.

But my heart was pounding, not from the breakup, but from the way he was looking at me. Like maybe, just maybe, he’d been waiting for this moment as long as I had.

It wasn’t necessarily a bad day.

Thanks for reading! Have a nice day, loves. 🤍

[junkdaw]

god i want someone to lay on top of me not in a sexual way but in a im touch starved and like weighted blankets kinda way

[miumura]

( 🎬 ) — KNOW ME ; HEESEUNG SHORT FIC

“ this liquors got me faded, talking crazy ”

ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 spending a night with your drunk best friend makes you realize you don’t know them as well as you think you do. because, if you knew him, you would’ve known about his feelings for you.

— PAIRING best-friend!hee x best-friend!fem!reader

— GENRE angst, one sided love (or is it), friends 2 ???

— WARNINGS INSPIRED BY “KNOW ME” BY DPR LIVE, drinking n hee gets drunk (reader doesnt)

— WORD COUNT 0.8K+ ( 863 )

ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 hi guys 😊🤍 back on that angst writing grind (i may or may not have lied) bc i love angst !!! anyways i love love love know me by dpr live 😜

Heeseung had a particularly stressful day, prompting him to drown his worries in alcohol during your planned hangout. You've observed his increasing tension over the past few days, leading to the drinking session. Hesitant to pry, you intervened as he reached for another shot, expressing concern about his consumption. "Isn't this your fourth bottle? That seems like quite a lot, don't you think?"

"No, it isn't," he hiccupped, attempting to retrieve the bottle as you evaded his grasp.

"You don't have a high alcohol tolerance, Hee," you chuckled, observing him rest his head on the table. Concerned, you asked, "What's been bothering you lately? Is it work?"

“Do you really think it’s because of work?” Heeseung raised his head, glasses slipping down, purple hair almost covering his eyes. With a flushed face, he maintained intense eye contact. Confused, you responded, "Huh?"

"Do you trust what I say?" he slurred, the effects of alcohol evident in his words.

"Of course I do—why wouldn't I?" you reassured.

"Maybe you shouldn't," he mumbled. Perplexed, you asked, "Hee, what are you saying?"

"How much do you think you know about me?" he posed a sudden question, causing you to pause. “Do you even know me?”

"I think I know a lot. I know of your favorite drink, our favorite show, your ice cream order—everything I should know. What don't I know?" you responded.

"How much I think and stress about you. How I look at you, how I take care of you, how I pay so much attention to you…If you knew me—you’d know that too." he admitted, slumping back against the wall and closing his eyes. Stunned by the unexpected confession, you froze. "I don't... I don't understand what you mean by that."

"I worry about us, mainly I worry about myself. Why? Because you're all I think about," he continued, his honesty cutting through the room. You listened, sensing the urgency of what he needed to let out of his chest.

Heeseung took a deep breath, grappling with the unspoken. Feeling his eyelids droop, he still continues on. "There are things I've never shared, thoughts that consume me. I know we promised to be there for each other when we needed anything, and I'm sorry for breaking it. But, I really couldn't find a way to tell you this. I need you to understand that I've tried my best to ignore these feelings, but I can't."

Opening his eyes, he held your gaze. "I think I like you, YN." The revelation hung in the air, leaving the room charged with unspoken emotions.

“You like me?”

“Yeah. I fell deep. I fell for everything about you–your smile, your jokes, your calmness, everything. You’re practically perfect. Just…just give me a chance you love you right.”

Heeseung's revelation weighed heavily on you, rendering you momentarily speechless. His intense gaze held yours, making it challenging to find the right words. After a gulp, you broke eye contact and finally uttered, "Wow, Hee... I'm at a loss for words. I don’t even know what to say." The room resonated with the gravity of unspoken emotions, and uncertainty hung thick in the air.

"What do you mean?" Heeseung wore a confused expression, not expecting this response. This was not like those sweet drunken confessions—had he perhaps drunk too much? You intervened, cutting through his thoughts.

"I really appreciate that you are being honest with me—and I wish you would’ve told me sooner," you expressed, your eyes slightly glimmering, your stomach tying itself into knots. Was he going to get the answer he yearned for?

"Because?" Heeseung slurred, staring at you, hopeful for those sweet words. A heavy silence descended upon the room, carrying the weight of unspoken feelings and the acknowledgment of a friendship forever altered.

"But Hee, you know I can't love you back," you whispered, the truth hanging heavily in the air.

Heeseung froze. "Oh." The disappointment in his voice echoed through the room, marking the poignant end of a hope that had lingered in the unspoken spaces between you. He was just confused. What did you both know?

Heeseung never wanted to be pushy, but the words eventually spilled out. "Did you…find someone better? Or don’t feel the same way…?" He just wanted closure.

"Heeseung, you're drunk," you frowned slightly, a sad glint in your eyes that couldn't go unnoticed.

"So?" he hiccuped.

"I’ll...I’ll tell you later, yeah? Let’s just get you home." As you were about to get up, Heeseung's shoulders slumped as he sighed, a sense of disappointment and vulnerability washing over him. "I just needed to be honest with you, YN...so why can’t you be honest with me?”

"I'm glad you're honest with me…" you said as you put his coat onto him, watching him look up at you as you did so. “And I can’t tell you right now. You just—you just deserve way better.”

"So you’re telling me that I'll just have to find someone who will love me like I do for you, right?" Heeseung managed a faint smile, though sadness lingered in his eyes. “If that’s what you want.”

"I'm sorry, Heeseung," you apologized, the weight of the moment palpable. Your vision was slightly getting blurrier by the second. "I really am."

ENHA PERM TAGLIST (1) — @flwoie @ixomiyu @haruavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @ml8dy @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @hyeosi @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @whoschr @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @isoobie @skzenhalove @misokei @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @miercerise @litttlestars @enhapocketz

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for blocking a friend on instinct? So i (f16) have this friend, (m16) we can call him D, who i've been friends with since kindergarten.

About a year ago, i started growing very close to D through our friend group's dnd campaign we held every friday. I knew him for a long time but that was the first time we had started hanging out out of school. We were talking on snapchat every night just chatting and after a while he started to send much more... revealing snaps. Just his bare shoulders but like without a shirt. He said it was because he had to let his medication for his back dry. I was a little uncomfortable, but we were friends so i didnt think that it would escalate into anything weird.

After about a month, D starts sending snaps in a towel and pictures of his chest which made me very uncomfortable. I kind of let the chatting die down after that because it was the only way i could think of that would be enough to gently let him down easy (i was wrong). I stopped going to the hangouts with that group and kind of distanced myself because how uncomfortable D made me. This only made D try harder to get my attention.

I was still friends with the others in the group so i would often have one-on-one hangouts with the others and watch tv. One thing we watched was Miraculous and we laughed and joked about it all the time. D overheard us or something and went home and binge watched the entire series in a week. Then everytime i ate lunch with that friend group, D would always make direct references to Miraculous or sing the theme song really loud. This wasnt once a day, D would make miraculous references every single minute. He became obsessed with the show (which, for reference of how weird it was, D is a very religious Christian boy. He gets upset if he gets an A- and never drinks caffeine (no problem with any of those things but just understand that kind of guy being deep within the fandom of Miraculous out of all shows 😭)). It was so bad, and it once again was making me very uncomfortable.

Eventually, it got to an insufferable point where D changed his route to go home and made sure to pass me every day after school and wave. I started avoiding him in the halls, he would always ask obscure questions that werent that important. I couldn't understand why he couldn't get that i didnt want to be friends with him anymore so i set boundaries.

A text i sent to D: i apologize if i ever caused any misunderstanding, but i would like to make it clear that im not romantically interested in you. i can see that you have been trying to grow closer, but i dont feel the same way. i don't appreciate being followed around, and i dont like when people force themselves to like the same things i like. its not attractive to be a copy of someone. i enjoy being your friend but it's difficult to disregard these things. if im being totally honest, when you do things like this, it makes me really uncomfortable and borderline creeped out. i know crushes wont disappear overnight but i would appreciate more space. if youre looking for a girlfriend, this isnt the right person, nor the right way to get it. and i wont tell anyone about this so dont worry about word spreading or anything. thank you

D's response: Oh, I'm so sorry I made you think that! I don't have a crush on you, I just noticed how you don't hang out with our friend group as often and I just wanted to make sure that I was being as nice as possible to make sure you weren't mad at us or anything. I did start to think that maybe me trying all that made me seem clingy or annoying, so I'm really sorry for all of that. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I'll try to do better now!

This didnt sit right with me because after all of that i cannot fathom how that translates to "i wanted to include you". This made me question a lot about the situation.

Reasons i feel like i MBTA: i'm over thinking things and D could be a genuinely a nice person. Its hard for me to read the room and i need to work on that and probably apologize to D.

Reasons i feel like i MNBTA: i should trust my instincts rather than ignore them. I've had a psychological abuser in my family before and the situation could be a stalker behavior that i've learned is not ok to have.

What are these acronyms?

[matchesarelit]

Imagine If You Will... Scientists of an Absurd Field (Lars Pinfield x gn!Reader)

Featuring: #2 + #9 from @dumplingsjinson's prompt list (here)

W.C: ~1.3K

Warnings: teasing,

The new non-firehouse base for Ghost Corps was as clinical as it was scientific, and hence it wasn't your favorite place. Although being completely honest with yourself, your distaste for the space was most likely linked to the gangly scientist who remained tucked inside its walls seemingly 24/7.

He wasn't horrid by any means, he was an amazing scientist. you'd seen his work over the last year or so and it never failed to impress, yet when it came to your work he seemed unable, or at least unwilling, to comprehend your methods. He seemed to believe your more spiritual work regarding ghosts was quack-like, on one occasion he likened it to a band-aid on a bullet wound, it was at that point in the conversation you enjoyed reminding him that spirits were much more open to spiritual interactions than scientific attacks. Was your wording perhaps a bit judgmental? yes, but you know what they say about fighting fire with fire... it works.

Silently musing over the satisfaction of keeping your old office away from the over-tiled building, you trailed through the halls in search of Winston. A dense stack of files tucked under one arm, your phone in the other, browsing emails and DMs for any new cases, your focus only raised from the floor upon hearing an all too recognizable groan coming from somewhere ahead of you.

Despite your initial assumption, the sound that fell from Pinfield's lips was not directed at you, as per usual, but instead at whatever possessed item he was dealing with. His usually quaffed hair had become splayed and crazed, some strands drooping down over his goggles, he seemed completely engaged with the task at hand despite the chaos that was perpetually unfolding on the surrounding desks and there was truly no telling how long he'd been in that position.

Deciding it was best to continue your search in other areas of the facility, you slowly regained your previous pace, your own gaze now, however, stuck on the hunched man in the center of the space. Your few milliseconds of observation were, perhaps, not the best trade off for looking where you were going, as within a moment you felt your body collide with another. Snapping your head forward you were met with Winston's light smirk of amusement as he held your shoulders to keep you steady.

'Woah there,' The statement was pretty nonchalant and was followed by a small chuckle as he watched your eyes widen in embarrassment. 'You know in Ghostbusting, I've always found it helpful to look where I was going.' His tease made you roll your eyes, even so it pulled a small shy smile onto your face.

'Sorry Winston I-'

'Oh its really no bother, I get that way myself with all of this,' He turned glanced around the room at the machinery and containment cells, his observation of your intrigue clearly missed the specificity of your gaze. Even as your eyes flickered back to Lars, his posture now straightened, his goggles pulled atop his head and his hair pulled back beneath it, only to see his gaze already studying you, Winston seemed much too caught up in the room as a whole.

'Ghost corps has made such great achievements, so many scientific bounds leapt. And now with you, we have the more mystical side locked down as well. Nevertheless, I'll let you in on a secret...' The taller man leant in a little closer, cautiously looking side to side in feigned secrecy, 'Scientists, especially in such an absurd field, are pretty big show-offs, I'm pretty sure every one of them would be more than eager to explain their work, if you're willing to lend an ear that is.'

Nodding in understanding, you felt the need to move the conversation to a place, physically and topically, away from the current scene. 'I'll have to give that a try, but um... for now-' I tapped my fingers against the manilla folders still tucked under your arm, 'I've been quite busy.'

From there you'd spent over an hour of catching Winston up on your most recent jobs, different cases all over the country, resulting in a range of movings-alongs and trappings, despite the latter option being your last resort more often than not.

When you finally left his office, a few additional jobs assigned for the following weeks, you made your way back through the halls. Winston's words were clattering around in your head, and without noticing, your feet had brought you to the large machine in the center of the main lab.

You kind-of knew what it did, you'd handed in a few items you'd collected over the last few months for extraction, yet as you stood in it's shadow, hands tucked neatly away in your jacket pockets, as if afraid to touch any part of the machine even anything as minor as a brush of your knuckles, you realized you were completely in the dark over how it actually worked.

Eyes running along the tubing and cables you failed to notice the footsteps approaching from behind until they settled by your side.

'Thinking about getting into actual ghostbusting?' Your eyes had never before rolled like they did in that moment. Closing your eyes with a deep breath in, you stewed in the moment, uninterested in even acknowledging the man by your side.

'It's okay, I'm sure we could find something actually useful for you to do.' An unwitting sigh passed through your lips at his incendiary comment. Taking a moment and considering your options you settled on waiting for him to say more. After all, his comments were baseless, both of you were well aware of the others accomplishments, and more often than not that was the point of bickering betwixt the pair of you.

'I know how you love speaking to ghosts, so maybe you could use your special set of skills' -a phrase he entombed in air quotes- 'to get their names before we put them in containment... might make filing quicker.' He was so... infuriating, there was not one moment in his presence where you'd known a semblance of peace. You save his life... he thinks of a hundred ways you could have done it quicker...and proceeds to tell you them in detail. God forbid it ever came to it, you doubt he'd ever let up about it if he managed to save your life.

Turning to him slowly you cocked your head to the side, feigning a patronizing level of concern, as you placed a soft hand on his arm, 'The world still goes around if you don’t talk. You do realise that, right?' His brow tightened in what you expected to be his only response, but within moments he was scoffing and peeling your hand from his arm, holding it securely in both of his against his jumpsuit-clad chest as he met your condescending gaze with one of his own.

'I'm sure it would, still, the last time I did, you struggled to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. I'm just trying to help you stay upright, bub.' His gaze was darker now, nothing short of challenging you to contest, and yet when you did... he chuckled, cutting you off.

Squeezing your hand briefly between his own as he nodded knowingly 'I know, my kindness knows no bounds, its okay there's no need to thank me.' He was often cocky, at least around you, but this was next level, and despite him definitely having the upper hand, you felt the familiar and overwhelming need to push back.

Pulling your other hand up to join his and your other, you leant into him slightly, taking an almost invisible step forward as you drew your lips into a sickeningly sweet smile, 'Oh lars...'

You leaned in closer, eyes searching his for any hesitance, and when met simply by a wink, your lips met his. It was brief and by far the softest interaction the pair of you had had to date, however that of course did not last long as you soon parted your lips.

'What a shame... You sound better when you’re not talking.'

[seramilla]

Sera stepped over to Emily and pulled her into a tight hug and Emily wondered why she had never felt before just how desperate her sis-her mother's hugs were? As if she were scared that each would be her last...

"I love you Emily. I love you so so much more than you will ever know. And you have no idea...just how much I wanted to tell you before. To have you calling me mom this whole time and being able to proudly claim that you're my baby...but it...it's dangerous and I can't..." Sera choked and she held Emily closer, her wings wrapping around the smaller Seraphim.

"I can't lose you. It nearly killed me to lose Carmilla...if I hadn't learned that I was pregnant with you when I did it might have killed me. If I lost you..." Sera didn't finish the sentence but Emily knew.

Emily hugs Sera tighter. The familiar feeling of the High Seraphim's wings around her -- encircling her, encasing her smaller form like a protective cocoon, like when she was a child -- communicates all the love and maternal need Sera hasn't been able to show her until now. Sera has always protected her, sheltered her, and loved her. She didn't realize exactly how much until this moment.

"It's okay," Emily says, tears beginning to fall liberally down her cheeks. "I understand now. I'm sorry, too...for how ridiculous I've been. Making demands of you, when I could see how much you were hurting. I didn't mean to bring back all these memories."

Sera bends down to Emily's height, cupping each of her cheeks in her palms, and kissing each one. She rubs a stray tear from under her daughter's eye, and looks at her. Really looks at her, like she hasn't in a long time.

"You remind me so much of her," Sera says, smiling warmly. "We used to fight sometimes like this. She always had a way of making me be honest with myself. Like I should have been with you, from the very beginning."

"It's all right, Se--Mom," Emily says, correcting herself mid-way. "I know why you did. I understand. I wouldn't have trusted little me with that kind of secret, either."

Sera laughs. An honest, guttural laugh, that brings out a snicker from Emily's own mouth, as well. Sera pushes her forehead into Emily's, until their noses practically touch. Emily can smell the comforting, heavenly scents of oils that the older angel uses every day. The ones that are so familiar from her childhood, and remind her of Sera's hugs, and her protectiveness. Sera's always been her source of safety.

"I should have told you when you were ready. I should have trusted you sooner."

"Well, I know now," Emily says. "All I ever wanted was a mom. And today, you're telling me I have two? I'm so lucky!"

Sera smiles. But then, the smile diminishes somewhat, and she pulls away again. Sera looks off into the middle distance, staring longingly at something, somewhere, that Emily cannot see. She can tell Sera is thinking about Carmilla at that moment. She also realizes that every other time Sera has made this particular expression...she'd probably been thinking about Carmilla then, too.

How awful it must have been, Emily thinks, to see the person you love go through something like that.

Emily hugs Sera again, tightly around the waist. She cannot change what happened in the past, but maybe she can help her mother forget it for a while, if only for a moment.

"I love you, Mom," Emily says, saying that word like she's said it a million times. She probably has, she thinks, inside her own head.

"I love you, too, sweetheart," Sera says, crying again, and rubbing Emily's soft hair. "I love you so much."

[mossyivy]

CHRIS STANS RISE!!! WE NEED TO GIVE THAT MAN MORE LOVE AND ATTENTION!!! 😤

Domestic Chris…Because that’s my specialty. 🥹

I see Chris having three kids, two boys, one girl. He’d be the type of dad to push his boys so hard, always expecting the best of the best from them. His daughter as well, but not as harsh. I see them all pretty close in age, maybe 1-2 years apart for each kid.

He’d have his boys do all sorts of sports and activities. Football, baseball, basketball, tennis, track, cross country, you name it, they do it. Chris would also help them practice, especially in football and baseball. His daughter would probably do ballet, tennis, and be in the Girl Scouts with Cecilia, and maybe do drama with Violet as well.

Also, it’s very much cannon that Chris spoils his daughter 10X more than his boys. His little girl wants to go on a Sephora shopping trip? Take his card and go crazy. His boys want to go out with their friends? Here’s $25 for the both of you.

Chris is also such a loving husband. He’d buy you gifts “Just because”. Or if you mention a new designer purse online, it would mysteriously show up on the dining table to greet you when you woke up…With a handwritten note of course. You were very much a spoiled wife, but he didn’t care, you gave him three beautiful kids for god sakes, of course he’d buy you whatever you want.

If there was ever a time any of your boys were disrespectful to you while he was gone, (Because they know better than to mess with their mother while dad’s around.) He’d give them the “You don’t disrespect MY wife.” Talk. Ugh, 😣 give me a chance Chris…☹️

- Anon! 🎀

🎀 ANON I FUCKING LOVE YOU I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TALK ABOUT HIM BUT NO ONE REALLY DOES MUCH IN THE CHRIS TAG ANYMORE AND THAT PLUMMETS MY MOTIVATION!!!

But I'll scream with you anyday bb!!!

(I'm sorry this is so long I just couldn't help myself 😭)

Okay so I've had the idea that Chris met someone with a child from a previous relationship (Your first born son, Let's name him Oliver and call him Ollie for short! He's like 2 years older than Violet. He struggles a bit in school so they're in the same grade, along with his younger brother, after he was held back in 5th and 8th grade but that's okay! Everyone struggles!)

Ollie was like 2 when they first met. Your ex-husband was a HORRIBLE MAN, absolutely terrible to you and the only good thing he ever did was bless you with Ollie. That's it.

Chris and his wife met through work (let's be honest here, how tf else would he meet a woman? Chris is very much a workaholic.) His wife is basically the lead of the BSAA's dispatch response team (Basically what Hunnigan does at the FOS but the BSAA's version) and she's good at her job. Very strong willed and mouthy as a mf. Isn't scared to go back at anyone over the radio and definitely got into it with Chris once or twice before they officially met.

(catch me posting what happened when they met in person the first chance someone asks)

Anyway!!

After y'all start dating it doesn't take long before you introduce Chris to your son and Ollie is just OBSESSED with Chris. Like you've never seen this kid so excited to see another human being until Chris shows up. You two only started dating for a few months and Ollie already calls Chris dad. You try correcting him scared AF that Chris is gonna get freaked out but he's actually super chill with it. He's use to taking care of people, he basically raised Claire after their parents died but this little guy is much younger and a lot more fun and excitable than Claire was.

A few months into the relationship you find out you're pregnant. Chris is excited but also freaking out with how often he's gone. But everything works out and you end up having your second son, Christopher Jr but CJ for short.

You and Chris end up getting married not long after your first anniversary after the babies born. Not making a big deal out of anything just getting papers signed and having a little get together celebrating everything.

2 years go by, Ollie's in Kindergarten and CJ does daycare. You start getting horribly ill out of nowhere. So you go get checked out and oh God you're pregnant again...

(This would be the point in time where Leon starts bugging for another baby with his wife)

9 months of Chris being a nervous wreck fly by and the world meets your daughter, Talulla, Lulu for short.

Chris would be adamant on sticking the kids in after school activities once they're old enough. His boys would do sports and his baby girl in softball and girl scouts so she can hangout with her pseudo cousins. (Her being 2 years younger than Violet and 2 years older than Cecilia) Until her older cousin quits cause girl scouts are for babies (🙄)

Chris and his wife would be UBER COMPETITIVE when it came to cookie selling season. It's all out war between the Redfield's and Kennedy's every year.

I feel like Ollie would also really be musically gifted and play piano for the school choir and musicals. Lulu would Ed up wanting to do drama but be a stage hand or in the costume department. She's actually very shy.

CJ is basically Chris when he was a kid. Always doing stupid shit... Getting in trouble over the dumbest of things but looking out for others. (Definitely beat up that kid who was picking on Violet when they were 7.)

You're getting calls from the school at least once a month because CJ got in trouble for either getting into an argument with a teacher over rules or another kid tried something stupid.

[marchsfreakshow]

Why So Lonely Solitaire? [James Patrick March]

Drabble / Fluff

You walk into a room in the hotel, and come across a man playing cards by himself.

Quick drabble cause I finished Apocalypse lol.

Rushed slightly! Not proof read!

Your perspective.

⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷

The walls and the floor blended into eachother as I kept going. My room felt so far away, and I had to cross a labyrinth to get there. Not even music played through my head at that moment, no thoughts crossed me.

The doors always looked the same, so I just stopped in front of one, and opened the door. A man whipped his head around, and I swear I could have heard his bones crack. "Hello there. I haven't had any visitors, not for awhile."

"I'm...a while?" I cut myself off, interested in the man I was looking at. Just as I got interested, I closed the door and walked towards him. His eyes had some sort of eternal sadness in them, and his sullen face kept facing my way. "How long have you been here sir?"

"...A few years." A delayed answer. There was something so intriguing about him. "Nothing Solitaire doesn't fix." The man let out a small sigh after his sentence, placing down his deck.

"Tell me about yourself." I slightly smiled, and leaned on my hand, making small amounts of eye contact with him.

"Will you listen with no judgement in your heart?"

"I'll listen and learn sir."

------

I stared, slightly wide eyed at him. He almost looked bored, like he'd seen that reaction a lot. "For a dead, ghost, serial killer, you're quite attractive."

"Oh, well, thank you dear. Compliments are a rare thing now."

"Tell me about it. No one can give an appropriate compliment now. It feels useless to give one to be honest." I sighed, going back to stare at James.

James Patrick March. The most proflic serial killer to ever live. Created the very hotel I was sitting in, and here I was. Staring at him in the eyes. Lust in my heart, but I knew better than to act on it. Especially on a ghost like him.

"You're incredibly beautiful dearest. Thank you for being here with me." James smiled slightly. He reached his hand over and I rested my hand a-top his.

"I haven't been here for long, but I'm already being called 'dearest'? This day is amazing." I giggled.

"...I need you here. To stay with me."

Wait what? "Wait what? James, my I've only known you an hour or two." I got up quickly, but James was quicker. He stood in front of me, and held my shoulder.

"I've been lost, and lonely. I can't let anyone like you go. Never again."

It shook me slightly, but I didn't feel like I could say 'fuck off' or anything. I stood there for a bit, taking in James' features.

Before I nodded and placed a shaky, but gentle hand on his face. "I'll stay and play games with you. For as long as you want."

Tags: @babygorewhore @slvt4jamesmarch

⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷

[genderqueerdykes]

Do you have any advice for how to embrace being multigender? I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to fit into one box or the other, my pre teen years I spent forcing myself to be a girl and teen years I spent trying to fit in with my transmasc friends when really I'm both of those things and I can't seperate them. It's hard being something that others see as actively contradictory, but seeing you be so confident in it gives me hope.

Hey there, thank you, first of all. Second of all, I feel you, we still feel like we need to fit into one box, this or that, male OR female, even though we are confident in knowing that we do not have just one gender. Black and white thinking is very common, and it can be hard to see past at times, especially when others reinforce it. People tell you you have to make these decisions, but there are no consequences for doing so. There have been zero consequences to us being honest about identifying as both a man and a woman

Genders and identities do not cancel each other out, even if they are viewed as "opposites". There is no logical reason why manhood and womanhood cannot co-exist- femininity and masculinity can co-exist, men can be feminine and women can be masculine, so naturally, one can make the next logical step of knowing that people can also be men and women at the same time. None of these things are more powerful than the other or capable of shutting the other down just by existing near it.

Especially when it comes to being trans, you should never have to throw any part of yourself away that brings you joy. If there are parts of you that you can confidently say are you, you are under no obligation to throw those parts of you away. The queer community is about accepting identities that differ from the "norm" and that easily extends to many identities that "don't make sense". The entire point of our community is to accept people with "different" identities, so there's no reason why "contradictory" ones don't belong here

You are allowed to take each part of yourself as it is, while also not having to throw away the rest of you. There are professional athletes who collect anime merchandise, play video games and tabletop RPGs- just because they're physically active and into sports doesn't mean they have to throw away their "nerdy" hobbies. These things are seen as opposites and contradictory, but people who end up liking and being "contradicting" things exist and are all around us.

Also, the concept of multigenderism has existed for a very long time in many cultures- the concept of male and female being opposing forces that can't co-exist is a very recent idea held by white European colonizers. Not every person is multigender, but the presence of multigender people should never be underestimated. We are way more common than people want you to believe. There are lots of us, just know that you're not alone. There are many of us. I hope this can help somewhat. Take care, good luck in your journey -K

[asleepyy]

Hello! I just did yet another reread of your comic, so here's a list of random things I love about it!! Sorry if this is a bit uuuhhhh MUCH but I just love your comic a lot, and want to share some of that love, and this seemed like the best way to go about that. So:

-The way Azazel's wings are so fluffy and Jophiel's are so sleek! Your stylization of them is so pretty.

-How you draw Azazel's hands always folded as if in prayer, or fiddling...even though the rest of him is often so still. Very true to Aziraphale, of course, but also fitting of an owl - still and always observing. But still, something that betrays that vigilance.

-Jophiel's honest-to-someone mullet in Mesopotamia. I love him so much. His little curls give me life.

-How Jophiel is always moving, angling his head in funny ways, pulling absurd expressions! He's so fun and mobile, which is just perfect to contrast our very sad and stationary owl.

-just a second being overwhelmed again at the fact that Azazel risked and gave up everything for Jophiel and continues to do so after Falling for him I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine this is fine.

-The way they are so in character in this!! I love reverse AUs but it's very hard to keep them in character in them. You do so flawlessly, to the point that as I find myself trying to imagine future story beats, I struggle to because I just see them acting the way they do in the canon. Stellar writing.

-Jophiel's wink in Mesopotamia. This deserves its own point in this list. As does Azazel finally getting to look happy in the frame after, even if it doesn't last...oh sweet owl...

-Azazel tugging on Jophiel's abaya in Golgatha...completely unnecessary to get his attention, didn't need to pull him closer or anything, but it's like the fiddling of his hands wasn't soothing enough and he needed to reach out in this moment of fear for Jophiel, always asking questions.

-The return of Jophiel's mullet in Heaven! Hell yeah

-help you draw Muriel SO cute.

-Azazel's "I've personally witnessed an Angel become an owl" PLEASE it's so devastating yet so funny

-Every time we get a little frame of just Jophiel's eyes reacting with sorrow and anger at moments when it's so, so clear Azazel was never meant to Fall. His eyes are SO expressive. I don't think your future sunglasses are gonna hide the fact that you're constantly glaring at god my guy.

-I really love the way you draw Jophiel's nose, it's gorgeous!

-Jophiel. Calls. Him. Angel. Need to lie down

-Seriously, I should've anticipated it, and I didn't, that's on me, but my HEART was not READY and I'm obsessed with this scene and its implications. The way Jophiel, deep down, doesn't even see Azazel as a demon ("you were an angel once" "that was a long time ago"). How pleased and adorable Azazel is at being referred to thusly (the little hair poofs!!!). The care they have long held for each other, in its unique and strange manifestations, revealing itself as a tangible burgeoning affection.

-Jophiel's declaration on the most recent page to protect Azazel, having no freaking clue that he's frankly 4500 years late to the game. Glad to have you here, your demon friend has been protecting YOU since before time was invented! Woo...but seriously, such a powerful and touching moment all around.

Anyway, I know this is ridiculously long, but goodness knows long comments on my GO fics always make ME very happy, so I figured you wouldn't mind. ;) I eagerly anticipate every update and bit of art, and when you make this comic into physical form, I will be camping out front of the pre-orders like it's a Black Friday sale. Tent and all. And snacks.

Take care!

🥹🥹😭😭 THANK YOU!!! This is super super sweet thank you for taking ur time to do this!!! I think I’d create the first physical copy when we finish season one of the show in the story, and then if interest is still high, a second physical copy for when we tackle season 2!

[mrs-kodzuken]

Cherry pop tarts & dyed hair ♡

Pairing: Aged up!Yūji Terushima x fem!reader

WC: 1k

Genre: fluff

CW: fem!reader, fluff so much fluff it’s gross, baby boy yūji

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

"Babe, I'm going to go use the bathroom." Yūji said from  beside me, letting go of my hand.

"Alright," I stared down at my phone, making a list of the things we needed to get. Which I probably should've done before we even arrive at the store to be honest.

Yūji wanted to go grocery shopping, and knowing him, he would most likely get lots of sweets instead of actual food that we needed.

I added Poptarts to the list so I could get his and my favorites. I looked back at the men's bathroom door; it wouldn't hurt to leave him there, right?

Shrugging to myself, I grabbed a grocery basket and made my way towards the food aisles. He's a grown man after all.

I had been mindlessly walking around, adding things we needed to the basket like eggs, milk, and such.

My phone had died a couple minutes ago, so I was just trying to remember what we needed by memory.

I hadn't brought my charger with me because it's a grocery store. Let's just hope my mom doesn't call; I'll definitely get an earful if I don't pick up that phone call.

I recited what we needed from memory which lead me to absentmindedly walk through the aisles looking for something that we might need.

One thing I do remember is that I wanted to get poptarts. I headed towards the breakfast aisle and started my walk to our favorites.

Looking at the boxes, I decided to get cherry for me and cinnamon for Yūji. We both swore to never eat each other's poptarts; that was forbidden in our house.

Being in a relationship with Yūji was pretty amazing actually. He wasn't a player, as most people say because I've heard lots of rumors about that.

He's actually really sweet and childish but it can be cute sometimes.

I set the boxes in my basket and continued walking down the aisles to see if any of the foods jogged my memory.

Something I did remember was that we were running low on popcorn and ice cream due to our excessive movie nights.

Even though I wasn't much better than him when it came to sweets, I knew how to control myself.

I placed a big box of popcorn in the basket and mint ice cream in it as well.

Suddenly the intercom broke from the music, "(Y/n) (L/n), your child is at register three."

I furrowed my brows, I'm definitely sure I don't have a child. It could possibly be a different (Y/n) (L/n)? But most likely not, not with the name I have.

I took my sweet time to get there, I was met with Yūji pouting on a bench.

I smiled really big, rolling my eyes while walking over to him.

"Hi, baby," I said, pressing my lips against his forehead.

"You left me," he whined, looking up at me. God, he is such a child sometimes.

I chuckled, "You said you had to use the bathroom; you didn't tell me to wait." I pointed out to him taking his hand in mine.

I heard him groan at me, "Oh hush, you're like a big baby sometimes, Yūji." I smirked, knowing that that would make things straighten up.

It always did. But this time it seems as if he was whiner than ever. "You can't say anything because I'm your baby."

He wrapped his arms around my waist while I continued walking. He squeezed me a bit, and I lightly slapped his arm.

"No, PDA, there could be children, Yūji." I warned him as he released his arms from my waist and held my hand.

"Is this better?"

"Why yes, yes it is."

I could feel his gaze on me as we walked together.

"Yes, Yūji?" I asked, wondering if we needed laundry detergent or not.

"You're so pretty." I looked at him as if he were out of his mind. He would compliment me every day, but it seems today was an extra-complimentary one.

"Are you feeling okay today, babe?" I raised my hand up to feel his forehead. He leaned in and nuzzled his face into my hand.

"I just love you so much." He pulled me towards him, and I heard the erratic beating of his heart.

Luckily, I didn't see anyone else in the aisle with us.

"I love you too, Yūji." smiling into his chest; he was definitely extra loving today.

"Can we cuddle when we get home?" His voice was muffled since his head was buried in my neck. I shivered at the feeling.

"Oh crap, I just remembered. My phone is dead. I need to charge it. Do you want to check out now so we can cuddle later?" He nodded furiously, and I chuckled. How adorable he is sometimes.

"You're such a baby, Yūji." Before he could complain, I finished my sentence, "But you're my baby, so it's okay."

Yūji smiled brightly and held onto my hand as we walked out of the store after finishing bagging our groceries. I always loved when he was like this.

I set the bags down and started putting everything away in our cupboards. I had asked him to set up a fort and movie so I could get the food ready.

Yet again, we are having another movie night. I grabbed the hot bag of popcorn from the microwave and added it to a bowl.

Then I took the tub of ice cream with a spoon and headed into the living room.

"Are you ready?" I smiled as I climbed it, setting the food down.

"Obviously."

He played the movie while I fed him ice cream. I saw some of the flavored ice cream lightly dripping from his mouth.

Acting on instinct, I leaned forward and licked his lips.

Yūji's face was priceless; he'd be the one who'd always do something like that.

"What? You had ice cream on your lips." I shrugged and paid attention to the movie, ignoring him.

"Yeah, but I wanted to lick it off."

I rolled my eyes and then purposely and messily ate a spoonful of ice cream. Glancing towards him, I watched him watch me.

He leaned in and licked my lips back, "So sweet," he mumbled when he was done.

"Well, obviously it's ice cream." I smiled and leaned into him, focusing on the movie as he played with my hair.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

a/n: this is from my book “Haikyuu x Reader One Shots” on Wattpad! I hope you enjoyed and let me know if you want more!

the header is from haN ` ` on Pinterest

[hearts4golbach]

The Night Shift.

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

Chapter 27.

Jake, Johnnie and i decided to walk around downtown for a vlog. before this, i had never really been in any of their videos. although, Jake had been begging me for ages to record with him, and today was finally the day we could make it work.

we walked around stores to pass the time and try to get some funny content. of course, that was easy for them to do. their lewd jokes and comments about everything made it hard for me to not giggle. as i got more comfortable, i was able to joke around with them, revealing a part of myself i had never really let shine that prominent before.

later on, we stumbled upon a tattoo parlor. Johnnie turned to me, his eyes sparking. "what if we got matching tattoos?"

i didn't even feel the need to consider it before i agreed. yolo, right? "uh, duh. are you sure you wanna do that, though?"

"absolutely," he smiled as we began walking towards the front door of the parlor.

"and it's content for the fans to make edits," Jake added in a teasing way.

the three of us ended up getting tattoos. Jake got more stars added on his neck while me and Johnnie got matching System of a Down tattoos. of course, it was a huge commitment, but neither of us cared. on the back of our forearms read 'and if you go, i wanna go with you,' and 'and if you die, i wanna die with you." i also got a smaller tattoo of fairies on my wrist that nearly wrapped around the whole way.

while Johnnie held my hand comfortingly during the tattoos, i began to ramble to distract myself from the pain. "my parents would kill me if they see these," i laughed, "they've always been really against tattoos, piercings, too. any altercation to my body would be like the world is caving in to them." Johnnie continued to listen as i spoke about my parents.

Jake was on the chair next to me, responding and making more conversation as a way to distract himself from the pain as well. we updated the video on how the tattoos were going, showing off all our new ink. we had spent at least 2 and a half hours in there before leaving.

i absolutely adored my new tattoos, not being able to keep my eyes off of my arm for more than 5 minutes. "the fairies were a really cute idea, i love them." Johnnie commented and he slowly ran his thumb over my wrist. of course, Jake was recording.

since Jake was the only editing, the video was for his channel, he added all of the "cute" moments between me and Johnnie. whenever i watched the finally edited video, i couldn't stop giggling and smiling. i knew recording this would be an unforgettable experience for me, especially since it was my first video with them. i really hoped i'd be able to record with them more in the future.

even though i had gotten no sleep that day, i still went to work, of course. the night ended up being very slow, so i decided to spend my time deep cleaning the kitchen. to be fair, it really needed it. the day shift people always left it a mess no matter how much i complained.

Johnnie came in and joined me only a few hours later right after i had finished the kitchen. i brought out a few croissants for us to share as we spoke.

"hey," he greeted, pulling me in for a hug as he usually did.

"hi, what's keeping you up tonight?"i pondered, placing a kiss on his cheek before sitting at the chair across from his.

"to be honest, you. i've been wanting to tell you something for a while."he grinned, "you know how i'm announcing a new song tomorrow?" i nodded slowly, growing slightly worried. "well, its about you. and i've been worried you'd be weirder out or something because i wrote a song about you."

my jaw dropped. "are you serious?!" i covered my mouth with my hand to hide my smile. "why would i be weirded out by that? that's the sweetest thing someone has ever done for me, Johnnie! what's it called?"

"it's called 'if looks could kill,' i know it's a cringy name." he blushed and avoided eye contact.

"hm, i think it's cute," i took his hands in mine. "i'm so excited to hear it!"

"i really hope you'll love it."

hours later, i finally closed and got to go home. i crawled in bed next to a sleeping Johnnie. i was so relieved he got that off his chest and was finally able to sleep. i had noticed recently he did seem more restless than usual, and know i knew why. i snuggled up close to him and fell asleep as well.

for the next week or so, Jake spammed my phone with links to edits of me and Johnnie and even reposted some. i constantly threatened to block him, but he didn't stop. whenever i got used to it, i thought it was funny and even cute sometimes. i even reposted a lot of them on my account, which made me gain a larger following because of the two of them.

jake: (link)

jake: (link)

jake: (link)

jake: (link)

jake: (link)

me: SHUT UP I KNOW

jake: y/n you are popping off right now queen

me: ikr

[fangirlstorycreator]

CK Terry Silver X Reader

Context: first you were enemies....but now he was about to be your lover...😏 Final part 💚

Warning: Contains sexual content, female and male oral receiving, dirty talk, sexual intercourse (not for minors)!

You were stunned, you had not imagined being in this position right now, with Terry Silver standing outside your hotel door. What the hell was he doing hear? "It's a pleasure to see you again Y/N" "Is it?" You ask in a sarcastic tone, this just made Terry smile as he can see the look on your face. "I think we need to talk...may I?" He asks politely, moving his hand up to your room, hoping to be allowed in. You look him up and down, still a little unsure, but you know he can't outsmart you, or take you in a fight.

You stand aside, letting him walk in just before you close the door behind him. He walks into the room a little more, admiring it. "This is a lovely room you have, it's very similar to my own I have hear. I have a permanent place in my name hear, as I've been a loyal customer to this hotel for a long time" "So you were the one who sent the glass of champagne over to my table this evening?" You ask with a raised eyebrow and your arms folded. "That's right, very clever of you. I must ask though, why didn't you drink it? It was a nice gesture" "Being a woman, you always have to be careful with drinks that you didn't order yourself. I didn't know who sent it to me, so I don't trust it. Nice gesture or not"

Terry nodded in agreement, it seemed he didn't think of it in that way, and he understood where you were coming from. He turned away from you, held his hands behind his back and walked over to the large window, admiring the view. "You know Y/N....I was suprised when I saw you entering this hotel. Pleasantly I might add" "Why?" "He turns to look at you. "Why? Because I admire you Y/N" "Admire me? Yeh right" "I'm being honest, since meeting you I....I have admired you. Your cunning, your bravery, the way you spoke to me that day we first met. I was more than impressed" "You might have wanted to tell your face that at the time. You looked more like a deer caught in headlights" He smirks "While I was shocked at how clever you were to outwit me, it was something noone else had done before. Of course I was going to be impressed" "What about Chozen? He tried to trick you" "Tried and failed. He loved to make me think he was someone of importance, someone worth the time. But you didn't....you were just you. No lies, just being yourself had won me over" "Won you over? Are you being serious right now?! I threatened you, attacked your business partner and your won over by me?!" "Sensei Kim is no longer my business partner, she was just as toxic in that dojo as I was" "Was? Come on, you can't seriously expect me to believe your all nice now?" "I don't want you to believe anything other than the truth. Yes, everything I've done is cruel....I'll never forgive myself for that" "You don't deserve any forgiveness. You allowed Tory to break her own hand! Your sick!" "I wish I could turn back the clock and change what I did-" "B#llsh#t! You wish you could turn back the clock and not get caught!"

Terry's smile faded for a moment, seeing the fierceness in your eyes. But he started walking a little closer, smirking and playing with his hand.

"So? Your on your way home I'm guessing?" "And your not. I've seen that you've shut down the dojo, that doesn't suprise me that much. But why leave entirely? Did I frighten you that much?" He chuckled. "You didn't frighten me Y/N...but you did make me realise what I'm supposed to do. I was brought back to Cobra Kai through an old friend, John kreese. But he was only using me to make Cobra Kai great again. He made that mistake to misplace my trust, and he paid the price. If it wasn't for him, I would have still been back in my life I had made for myself. And I realise that I've missed that, the calm, no stress. So that's what I'm going to do, I'm going back. I have all the money I could wish for, so selling the house I was using in LA when John brought me back is as easy as snapping my fingers. And I will go back to my beach house where I lived before, I've always loved the beach. It's actualy where I lived with my ex partner Cheyenne, until that ended." "I don't think I remember asking for your personal life Silver" you say again sarcastically, Terry can tell he's annoying you. But that's not the reaction he wants from you.

"I really get under your skin dont I?" "Can you blame me? Look at everything you've done" "So....why haven't you kicked me out of the door?.....is there a part of you that wants me to stay?" He asks with a slightly deeper toned voice...is he trying to sound better? "I haven't kicked you out yet because I was nice enough to give you a chance to explain yourself. Trust me when I say there is NO part of me that wants you to stay. You can leave now" There's that smile again, it's really winding you up now.

"Are you sure about that?" "Yes" "Hmm? You know....I did have a proposition for you" "I don't care about anything you want to offer me" "Don't be too quick to answer Y/N. Listen....there were more things I was thinking the very first time I met you....like....your stunning dress..." "What?" "Your dress...hugging that beautifully shaped body of yours" "Alright, get out" "The way it showed your perfect curves, excensuated your-" "I said get out!" "Why?....Do you not like me telling you how beautiful you are?" "I don't care" "Come on Y/N, just think about it for a minute...neither of us are going to see eachother again, and it would only be for one night....one time..." Was he really suggesting this?! You slapped yourself for thinking he was attractive before, but you had no idea it was the other way around. Is he seriously suggesting that we have a one night stand? He's crazy!.....he's....he's crazy.... "I can promise that you'll have the time of your life Y/N, a beautiful woman like you deserves to be worshiped....devoted too.....I would make you scream my name so loud your lungs would burn-" "Terry! I've heard enough of this! Leave now! Before I make you!"

"Why are your cheeks burning Y/N? And why are your legs ever so slightly crossing? You love this don't you?" You tried so hard to hide it, but your body was screaming out for physical touch. He even noticed you crossing your legs a little because of the heat you felt, his smooth seductive words, his presence made you feel so wet. You couldn't do this, you SHOULDN'T do this. "I mean it Terry, leave!" "Noone would know, just you...and me...."

"I mean it! I'll make you leave if I have to!" "......I could leave you breathless....ripping the bed sheets with your hands...." You knew if he kept teasing you with these words, you'd fall for it. You couldn't! You reach out your arms and push him back.

"Ooooh! That's it Y/N! I've wanted to see this fire within you for so long!" You spin to do a high kick, making him plummet to the floor. But he jumps right back up, and sauntered back over to you once more, with that smile again! You strike, again and again, he blocks a few but he still isn't a match for you. It's all a quick blur, but the last kick you try to land, he grabs it with his hand and causes you to nearly fall. But he reaches his hands for both your wrists and pins them up above your head as he presses himself against your body. Your pinned between Terry and the wall, he is so close you can feel his breath and smell his scent. He smelled like peppermint....why was that so intoxicating? He stared right into your eyes, his lips mere inches away from yours, the electricity between you both was immense. "You know as well as me you had the strength and skill to take me down....and yet I have you like this.....you could have prevented this...but you didn't.....just let go Y/N....let your body take what it needs...what it craves....let me make you mine for tonight....just this one night....." Your mind was fighting with itself, you needed to say no, but wanted to say yes. In the end, your body spoke for you....You let out a breath and crash your lips into his, hungry and desperate to taste him. He kisses you back with as much desperation, tasting your tounge as your both getting lost in eachother.

Terry's hands move away from your wrists as they slide down the wall and hold your waist, pressing his groin against you. You could feel how hard he already was, but it seemed like he wasn't quite there yet. You let loose, and just loose yourself in this moment. Not caring about what others would say, or what will happen tomorow, just enjoying the now. One of your hands reaches to the back of his neck and pulls him in closer, while your other hand rips the top of his shirt open, revealing his strong and broad chest beneath. His skin was warm to the touch as your hand ran down the exposed skin, you needed more. Terry pulled away for a mere moment, before falling to his knees infront of you, leaning in and biting at the top of your jeans with a seductive growl. He was so hungry for you, and nothing was going to stop him now. He pulled your jeans and underwear down your legs and away from you, looking up at you with a desperate need. "I need to taste you...." Without a second though, he buried his face inbetween your legs and started licking and devouring you like you were his last meal. You gasped as the sensation, it was like you were on fire!

It felt too good, he had only just started touching you and you thought you were going to reach your release so soon. "Uh f#ck" you manage to breath out as Terry makes your body feel amazing. He moves your legs apart and puts one of your thighs over his shoulder, pressing his hand against your stomach. Somehow this just makes him go harder, go stronger. Your breath quickens, moans escapes your mouth as your getting closer and closer, it was too much. You needed desperately to hold onto something as you feel it coming, and the wall wasn't enough. You reach down and tangle your fingers into Terry's white locks, clenching your hand into a fist, right before- "HUH! Oh f#ck!" You continue to moan as he devours you through your orgasm, making your body shake against his grip. Thank god he was supporting you, or else your body would have given up and collapsed, even the shaking was making you feel weak at the knees. He resurfaced and stood infront of you once he could sence your body couldn't take anymore, that's where he starts kissing you again, and now it was your turn. Your hands move down his ripped shirt and down to his belt buckle, unbuckling it within seconds. His trousers fall to the ground and his boxers are left, and now his throbbing c#ck was even bigger. Pulling them down, your hand grabbed his c#ck and started stroking, causing Terry to moan into your mouth, but he was quite large, and you needed to use both hands to hold him completely. He needed more...his hand reached up and delicately wrapped around your throat, pulling you away from his lips to look into your eyes, fire was burning in his stare. "Get on your knees sweetheart...."

You smirk as he leads you down onto your knees with his hand arpund your throat, now you were knelt between his c#ck and the wall. Was he too big to fit in your mouth? Terry's hand strokes under your chin before he looked down and whispered "Be a good girl and open your mouth for me...." Doing as you were told, this just made you wetter before he grabbed his c#ck with his other hand and slid the tip into your mouth, were you sucked and licked around his most sensitive area. Terry groaned, breathing heavily as you suck him. "Uhhhh....I think you need a little more sweetheart...." He starts thrusting deeper and deeper into your mouth, each time a little more, it's so f#cking hot! He hits the back of your throat before you quickly pop it out and say. "It's to big" "Did I say take me out of your mouth?" He stuffs his cock back into your mouth just before you were going to say something, he had completely stuffed your mouth now. "Ahhh that's it.....you'll take everything I'll give you....you take it like a good girl...." When you tried to move your face to the side to take a breath, both his hands hold your face in place, stopping you moving before he shoved it back in, now he had your head pressed against the wall as he trusted in and out of your mouth, you couldn't do anything but let him f#ck your mouth, but holy shit this was so close to making you cum again, you were loving it.

"Oh god your mouth feels so good sweetheart! But I know what will feel better" He pulls out and your finaly able to take a proper breath as he helps you up off the floor. His mouth is hot on you again, slipping his tounge into your mouth as he picks you up and wraps your legs around his waist. He pins you against the wall once more, this time is was going to be a big one. One of his hands reaches for his c#ck, and he slides it over your entrance, making you shudder in his hold...right before he slid inside you. You gasp! This was definitely the biggest c#ck you had ever had, holy shit this felt good. He held your hips as he starts pounding into you, slamming you against the wall as he f#cks you mercilessly. Over and over again he hits your sweet spot, making you wince and moan in pleasure, for an older man, he certainly knew what he was doing. Again and again, f#cking you harder and harder, both of you grunting and moaning with each thrust. He thrusts one last time before you scream against the wall, and scratch Terry's back, just for the dire need to hold or grip onto something. Your breathing was quick, sweat forming on your brow, but it seemed Terry wasn't finished yet.

He still looked at you with that hunger in his eye, which is why he held you and moved away from the wall, and threw you onto the bed. He climbs on top of you and grips your thigh as you wrap then around his waist, pulling him in closer to you. Once again his mouth is hot and heavy against yours, your hand entangled in his hair and holding onto his muscular shoulder before he slides back inside you again. This time you moan into his mouth, and it just spirs him on, f#cking you hard against the bed, over and over again while also using a grinding motion. You hold him close to your body as you feel yet another orgasm rising, this was going to be the big one. And now Terry was finaly reaching his too, you were both so close. He growls into your ear, making you even more turned on, so you bite into his shoulder seductively, he absolutely loves it as he smirks against your neck. You could feel it coming, you were so close now, that's when Terry gets on his knees, holds your legs against his chest and keeps them there, before he starts pounding into you relentlessly, making you finaly reach the most incredibly, leg shaking orgasm you had ever had before. You had tears coming out your eyes as the full body feeling engulfed you, making you scream at the top of your lungs, which just made Terry go even more. And just a few thrusts later, Terry is now shaking himself, grunting and gasping as he reaches his own orgasm. He shouts out in pleasure as he feels wave after wave for deep s#xual pleasure. Once you can't take anymore, he stops thrusting, and your both able to catch your breath. You feel exhausted, but in the best way possible, noone has ever rocked your world in bed like that. Terry smiled down at you, seeing you look so satisfied.

"That....was better than I had ever imagined....imagination is nothing compared to the real thing....god your beautiful" All you could to was smile back up at him, but why was his smirk back? "You look confused sweetheart? Oh...you don't think this was it do you? Oh ho ho....there is soooo much more.....the things I'm going to do to you.....I'm going to make you scream these walls down....all night long.....

Terry wasn't lying....and you both continued to have s#x for hours after that, going again and again, and again. By the time you woke up from your alarm the next morning, you could barley walk, but in a good way. You sneak into the shower and get nice and clean before going back in the room and packing your things, just as Terry wakes up in your bed. "Good morning my beautiful temptress" "Yeh, hi Terry. Look I've got to go, you need to leave now" "Aww so quick to leave? You didn't want to leave the bed last night" "That was last night Terry, just a one night thing. It was nothing, just an accidental shag" "6 accidental shags actually" "Whatever it was, it was one night, no attachments, that's all" "Oh really? So your not tempted to just come back to bed? Just for a few minutes?" He asks as he runs his hand over his exposed thigh, the only thing covered by the bed sheet is his c#ck. "Terry, you and I both know it will last more than a few minutes" He chuckles, he loved to take his time. "Look, this shouldn't have happened Terry" "But it did...." "Yes...look, you need to leave, and I need to catch my train" He smiles and climbs out of bed, quickly putting his clothes back on before approaching you. "You know you loved what happened last night Y/N, because I loved it too. I have never met a woman as gorgeous as you, or with half your stamina" He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a business card, handing it to you while still letting his fingers slightly touch yours.

"Last night, was the best s#x of my life...and I know you felt something electric between us too. If you want another round....give me a call sometime"

You just look at him with no facial expression, just look towards the door and point, and despite that, Terry still smiles. He leaves your hotel room and now you are on your own, left to gather your thoughts and get back to packing. An hour later your sat in the train station waiting for your train, twiddling your thumbs as the memories of last night flash before your eyes. That was the best s#x you had ever had, and yet you hated this man...is this was people call (hate f#cking?) An announcement called out saying your train was about to arrive, so you stand and hold your bags, when the card Terry gave you fell out. You reach down and pick it up, looking at it and contemplating weather you should put it in the bin right next to you, or keep it? The train arrives and you along with the rest of the people clamber on and take your seats. It was a window seat you take, and as the train leaves and it drives through the country side, you look out of the window and enjoy the scenery......just as you put your handbag next to you, with something inside next to your purse....Terry's business card.....

[mysticbewitched]

Hi! How are you? I hope you're having an amazing day. I found your blog this morning and i resonate with you so much! I agree with everything you said. I never really agreed with the other nd bloggers' teachings because I've always had the same perspective as you! But unfortunately, i wasn't brave enough to trust myself and follow my beliefs, so for a long time up until now I've been forcing myself to get the mindset "everything is an illusion, nothing exists, everything is meaningless". To be honest, i didn't want to view the illusionary world that way, but i thought that that's the only truth and the only right way. What i wanted was to make my human experience as beautiful as possible and enjoy it, while knowing my true nature. But according to that mindset "there is not a human experience, there is nothing to make beautiful, just be, blah blah blah" I WAS FEELING SICK OMGJSJD

Anyway, thank you for creating this blog and for not being afraid to stand up for your beliefs even though everybody else is saying that they are limiting or wrong. I read your replies to those people and i think you handled the situation so maturely. I hope that people learn to respect others' views, instead of thinking that any opinion which doesn't match with theirs is wrong and feeling the need to correct it. "This isn't what nd/av is about", i though that nd is just a concept and it doesn't exist...?

Always be brave enough to trust yourself, love.

Stay true to what feels right deep in your heart.

You never ever have to force yourself into a mindset that makes you feel uncomfortable and most especially when it doesn't resonate with you.

I'm so incredibly glad and relieved that you understand where I am coming from.

I want to share that I agree completely with everything you said. The sheer lack of respect and acceptance for other unique views is insane.

It's such a breath of fresh air to hear that we share the exact same perspective.

This physical experience as God in human form is such a damn beautiful gift, you know?

Awareness manifested itself into human form and the entire physical experience in order to embrace and enjoy the absolute magnificent beauty of this whole entire human experience which is filled with so much deep meaning and valuable moments to treasure. I just don't understand why it is the end of the world because I simply wish to acknowledge the human experience and all of its divinely crafted beauty. The human form and this whole human experience in its entirety is a beautiful manifestation in itself. The illusions here are that there's no objective physical world here and the deceptive appearance of separation among everyone. It's all from the boundless divinity of awareness.

I choose to enjoy my own life while knowing my true self and boundless nature as the divine source of everything in human existence. I strongly believe in having a delicate balance between enjoying the human aspects of myself while identifying with my true self as awareness. This would allow one to live with endless freedom, empowerment, liberation, and inner peace without feeling the need to deny their human forms and the whole human experience.

You should do the very same if that's what truly resonates with you and speaks to your heart. Always listen to your heart and what feels right to you.

It will never steer you wrong and allow you to live an incredibly beautiful life aligned with your personal beliefs and values.

You keep your head held high even when the whole world is against your views and you make the most damn beautiful beautiful human experience ever.

Thank you so very much for your kind words and appreciation. I wish you so much love and happiness on your own spiritual path. 🖤

[metal-mouse]

Not the One to Worship, Not the One to Blame

pairing: Sebastian Sallow x gn!Slytherin MC (no y/n used)

themes: angst, hurt/comfort

warnings: swearing, trauma, panic attacks, depression, self-isolating

summary: 1.4k word vomit. The battle against Ranrok is over. You are in your sixth year, and now have to deal with the aftermath that is emotion and nightmarish memories. Despite having kept Sebastian Sallow's secret, you have no interest in his friendship. However, he certainly makes a good scapegoat for all of your pain.

note: This is the first piece of writing I have posted publicly in over 10 years. It is going to be rough, as I am very out of practice. I never expected to write anything to post ever again, but I've had such a massive streak of inspiration I figured I'd put myself out there. Be gentle with me because I'm a big baby but be honest - I'm getting better at receiving feedback. I also don’t edit anything ever, so there’s probably plenty of bad grammar/confusing sentence structure/spelling errors. 

You stood alone at the top of the astronomy tower alone, hugging yourself tightly against the chilled air as you watched the sun set. The silence was welcome compared to the chaos of the Great Hall over supper. With hundreds of students meeting together at the same time, the sound of countless conversations overwhelmed you far too easily. You had eaten quickly and excused yourself from the company of Ominis, ignoring the concerned look on his face. You knew he worried, but he also knew enough to respect when you needed your space. It was one of your favourite things about him. 

The world around you was washed in a gentle golden glow that you desperately wanted to enjoy. The colours of the sky were beautiful, but no emotions stirred inside of you. You remained numb and empty. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d smiled. You wished you could feel something other than this awful cycle of misery, anger, fear, and hollowness. You wished that people would leave the past in the past. Every time a classmate brought up Ranrok’s defeat at your hands you felt like you were going to be sick. Your chest would tighten, and a clammy feeling would cling to the back of your neck as the rest of your body felt smothered by flames and smoke. You had been furious with Professor Black for being the one to share your involvement in the battle and causing this endless stream of praise and questions. All you wanted was to forget. 

Even worse than thinking about Ranrok was seeing Sebastian in the halls, in your classes, in your common room. You may have spared him from expulsion and imprisonment, but you still hadn’t found it in yourself to forgive him. Perhaps the blame you placed on him was unfair, perhaps he was an easy scapegoat for your pain. He had, afterall, caused a great amount of that pain. Yet, you weren’t any better than he was. Every night you dreamed of flashes of green and how the light left Victor Rookwood’s blue eyes… Dozens of men and countless goblins lay dead at your hand, and people actually celebrated you for this. In the beginning, you had been intrigued by the power you held. You had been eager to learn it and grow it. You had liked having a unique power that put you above others. Now, you wanted nothing more than to turn back time. You wished you’d never found out about this magic. You wished that none of this had ever happened. 

You were deep enough in your spiraling thoughts that you hadn’t noticed your unwelcome company until a warm cloak was placed over your shoulders. You flinched, immediately in attack mode as you looked at your intruder. Sebastian Sallow didn’t look at you. Instead, he put his hands on the railing and leaned out to see the world below. 

“I’ll go away if you want me to.” He said, breaking the tense silence. You watched him apprehensively, without saying a word. Sebastian took that as permission to remain in your presence. 

“What do you want?” You asked. 

“I may not be your favourite person right now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. You’re not alright.” Sebastian looked over at you. You scowled at the way he jumped straight to the point. The empty feeling inside of you was slowly replaced with anger. Not alright? What fucking gave it away? Why the hell was Sebastian the first person to bring it up besides Ominis - who had been there when you started to truly fall apart? 

“I’m fine.” You said. 

“I haven’t seen you smile since the year started - it’s now February. Not at Ominis. Not when you’re brushing Puffskeins with Poppy. You don’t even smile when Weasley makes his stupid jokes.” Sebastian stood and took a step towards you. It felt like his eyes were burning into your face. All you wanted was for him to look at anything but you. How dare he talk to you about this. Talk to you about your happiness - which he fucking stole from you. Why was he even paying attention in the first place? You adjusted his cloak around you, hating how warm it was and how it smelled like Sebastian. 

“If I haven’t smiled, it’s your fault.” A low blow. Sebastian’s nostrils flared and hurt filled his eyes, but he tilted his head as if to encourage you to carry on. You didn’t. 

“The last time I checked, you were the one acting so miserable. It’s you who doesn’t bother to even try anymore.” 

“I don’t have to try anymore. I’m a hero, Sebastian, everyone will love me all the same. Who cares if I’m miserable?” you spat out, “Can’t you see it? I don’t get to have emotions! Only people have feelings. I’m merely a tool to be used - a weapon if you will - whenever someone needs to use me. It makes it so much easier for everyone to forget what happens under the surface of battle. To forget the atrocities I’ve committed. The horrors I’ve seen. You wouldn’t understand it.” Sebastian’s eyes were wide as he stared at you. 

“Is that truly what you think? That I don’t understand? You’re not the only one who went through hell last year. I was right there the entire time. I helped you fight trolls, goblins, spiders, poachers, must I go on? 

I saw the look on your face when you came back from killing Victor Rookwood, and I knew before anyone else did what had happened. Want to know how? Because I know how it feels to fucking take someone’s life.” Sebastian bellowed, making you take a step backwards. You glanced towards the stairwell, hoping nobody was nearby to eavesdrop. 

He had been there. Sebastian had known from the beginning what you were going through, and he had helped - even if it put his life in danger. His true motives may have ultimately lain elsewhere, but you knew he didn’t want to see any more people harmed at Ranrok’s hands. Guilt pushed its way through your unjustified anger. He was certainly making it difficult to blame him for more than what he deserved. 

“Just leave me alone, Sebastian.” You whispered. He shook his head, his lips pressed in a firm line. His brown eyes were unusually glassy, almost as if he was trying to hold back tears.

“Whether you like it or not, I understand.” He was still shaking his head, stray tears indeed spilling from his eyes. Sebastian’s lips fell into a frown and quivered a little. It was an ugly face, he was not a pretty crier. Something in this insignificant flaw of his made you pause. Seeing him feel so strongly about how you felt… To show these emotions to you, this clearly meant a lot to him. You meant a lot to him. You approached him carefully, reaching up tentatively and wiped away an errant tear. 

“I know, Sebastian. I… I don’t blame you for this. None of it.” You looked down at your feet, your hand still on his cheek. 

“And I think you’re far more than a weapon. You don’t have to be the hero with me, you can be just you. I just want to see you smile.” Sebastian very carefully took your hand in his. You looked back up to his face, and you knew he meant it. 

“Can we try again?” You asked. He exhaled deeply, you could see the thoughts racing in his mind. 

“I think something could be arranged.” Ominis Gaunt’s voice made both of you jump. He stood at the top of the stairs, fidgeting with his wand. Sebastian’s hand squeezed yours tightly. Ominis walked towards where you stood, his cheeks flushed and an uncertain look on his face. Ominis held out his hand for Sebastian, who dropped yours instantly and grasped it. They shook hands firmly, and then Sebastian pulled Ominis in for a hug. 

“Boundaries! Sebastian! I will be placing firm boundaries!” Ominis protested, but his arms wrapped around his friend all the same. You let out a weak laugh that was more of a huff full of emotion. You didn’t know fully what this meant, or how anything would play out, but you knew that this would be easier with Sebastian and Ominis on your team. On each other’s team. Life was either going to get better from here, or worse, but you supposed it could be bearable if you lived it with people you cared about. You felt awful for targeting Sebastian like that. He hadn’t deserved all your hatred. Some anger and resentment, sure, but not all of it. As Ominis complained about the cold and coaxed you both back inside, you silently resolved to make it up to Sebastian. You could support him, just as he supported you.

[system-of-a-feather]

One of the largest challenges / emotional intelligence and regulation skills that I've been working on lately is really practicing acknowledging some of my vulnerable emotions as myself and communicating it to people I know deep to the core are safe people to share that with; and to genuinely share it while its affecting me rather than once its settled a bit, just genuinely be honest when I am in a defensive or vulnerable state and just put that out there for honest and transparent context to my behavior and just ask for a little bit of mental space to be held for that.

And its kind of astonishing how even the smallest level of "I am a bit scared and anxious about this" just is this monumental thing for me to state to even the two people in my life that would never hurt me and would absolutely understand.

But hey, I'm doing it and I'm practicing and its important because when I can't honestly admit that to people I trust, I tend to escalate in defensiveness and end up getting into a fight / flight response that is often unproductive and can be harmful / hurtful when just communicating that I'm feeling hurt or scared could let the other person know that I need to reel things back a bit and be accomodated a bit.

Which is important to allowing opportunities from the world and others to respond to me communicating a need and being responsive. It's important to giving space and time for me to rebuild my relationship with people and the world and really learning to exist with others.

So I'm proud of myself for working on this, even if a genuine 'This has me anxious' when talking about something that is a well established challenging, scary, and uncomfortable (due to trauma overstretching) is a challenging breakthrough in its own. Of course its only admitting it when its a relatively small scared feeling that is already assumed to be known, but it is GOOD work and GOOD progress and I'm proud of it even if it is small and easy to most people.

I'm teaching myself that I can say those things to people I trust and expect to have it respected, honored, and responded to. I'm rewiring my brain to actually notice opportunities where I can be honest about a vulnerable state to a safe person and give them the opportunity to care for me for once.

Its hard work, but its good and important work.