#if it looks very organised it’s bc i planned it out lol

[sparklyseblos]

decided to channel my inner liz buxbaum and made some playlists of my fav hsmtmts ships with the help of my editor brain & genius annotations <3:

[definitelynotshouting]

Do not apologise at all for responding late!! Holiday burnout is so real, theres sm to organise so I understand completely 😅. I hope youre getting some rest between xmas and the new year, or that at least whatever you have planned isnt too hard on you :)

I am 100% willing to believe you blessed my flight lmao, hopefully it works on the way back as well :D

Is it weird to say i dont think ive ever had a blackberry before?? Idk i might have had one when i was a kid but when you mentioned the blackberry jam I completely blanked. So um. Hope it was good?

Oh no your cat!! D: Hope he's all better now

YES I WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT MALAYSIAN FOOD!! I would show u pics but um 🧍->🏃‍♂️💨. Ur gonna have to google it king LOL. The first day back my dad and I went out to a mamak stall (basically just a restaurant for malay-chinese-indian food), and I had roti canai (a type of flatbread with curry) and teh tarik, which I have missed dearly. I dont typically like normal english breakfast tea so getting to have authentic teh tarik was SO GOOD. Teh tarik (translating to "pulled tea") is made with condensed milk and gets its name from how after the drink is mixed it gets continuously poured over and over from one container to another until it gets super frothy.

I've also been getting reacquainted with my favourite fruits 🥰 that you cant get in Australia like mangosteen and jambu air (ai-yer). Mangos and dragon fruit you can get in australia but. um. Theyre bad. They just taste like sweet water. Also unfortunately for me rambutan i havent been able to find rambutan 😔😔. Those look similar to lychee but they taste pretty different, less tangy and sweeter.

Ive gone out with a friend to have cendol (c promounced as a "ch") which is a cold desert with coconut milk and rice jelly, along with other toppings should you choose it. Im also in the process of convincing my bff to do a 3h road trip with me specifically for food in a city called Ipoh 😭 wish me luck.

AND, im getting one of my relatives to teach me how to make rendang and char kway teow. The rendang specifically because the one she makes i prefer over what's usually made in restuarants. I think it's a state difference in recipes or smtg? So the ones you'll find in restuarants are KL/Selangor rendang and she makes from Kedah. Thats just a theory tho im not actually sure.

🧍 i realise this ask has become like 70% about food so i apologise. But. In my defense you asked >:) /j

ANYWAY. I hope youve gotten a break from the holiday work or at least have one coming up <33 Take care of yourself; indulge in your cheeses :D

-☀️

SUN ANON HELLOOOOOO im so excited to hear you got those desserts, those sound AMAZING...... also i looked up all the foods you mentioned and MAN THESE LOOK GOOD.... im a shrimp lover im gazing so hard at the char kway teow...... 👀👀👀👀👀 also holy shit these fruits look so cool???? Thats WILD ive literally never heard of these before and im having a lot of fun looking them up online and reading about their flavours and stuff!!!! Incredibly curious about mangosteen, i was not expecting it to be white inside when i looked it up and just like, the contrast of the purplish rind vs the white insides is SO neat to look at, like that feels really good on my eyeballs if that makes sense JSDBEKDNMDD also also teh tarik sounds and looks amazing i want to try that SO bad now omg

Its so funny you say that about blackberries bc where i live we have them literally growing everywhere on the side of the road AKDNWKDNKWDN in the summer when they start putting out fruit one of my roommates will sometimes go out and just pick a bunch for the whole household, and they always taste SOOOOO much better than the store-bought ones. Im genuinely not sure how to describe the taste of blackberry other than like. Its very sweet but also very tart (i go for the slightly less ripe ones tbh bc i prefer tart things to super sweet) at the same time, and sorta pops in your mouth a little bit when you chew it. Honestly its one of my favorite fruits i would highly recommend them if you can find em anywhere!!!!

My resolution this year is a bit silly but i wanted to go for a very fun easy one, so its to use every sticker i own this year :] ive already started by putting a few on the creeper minifridge that my roomie got me for xmas 😂😂😂😂😂😂 and i have some scrapbook ideas as well to use my fancier ones that my friends have gotten me!!!! Also you are so valid about the writing-- tbh if you wrote more than expected then it sounds like you succeeded instead of failed, so thats awesome!!! :DDD

I hope you're doing well on your travels, sun anon!! And when the time comes may your flight back to Australia be as peaceful and pleasant as the one you experienced when you left it :]

[opalescent-cheetah]

weird questions for writers - 22, 24, 32! :3c

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

I like to think I'm pretty organised (mostly bc otherwise, the brain fog makes me forget a bunch of important stuff 😂) At the moment I mainly use a channel in my personal discord server to take notes, and I also have a google doc separated into chapters, which I use both for general planning and also to sort out the notes into chronological order. Please enjoy one note from my discord channel:

(usually they're longer/more serious... and then sometimes it's just stuff like this lol)

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

(I hope you don't mind the long answer for this one, I got a bit carried away phfjdhf)

It feels like a lot tbh, especially for longer fics like Destiny, but I do thoroughly plan everything regardless of how long or short it ends up being. (There are exceptions, like Wings, which I wrote in pretty much one sitting, without any prior planning, just because I was bored and sad that day lol. But that's not how I usually work)

Once I've got an idea in my head, my planning usually goes something like this:

Brainstorming. I'll sit down for an hour or two with an A3 sketchbook and coloured pens and just write down all my thoughts. I like doing this by hand as I can get really messy with it. Any notes I've put in my discord over time will also be included with this, often as a starting point that I then expand on. Once I feel like I've got everything down, I'll mark ideas with different colours to organise them. Here's the very first page I wrote out for Destiny:

Organisation. This is done in a planning document (like the aforementioned google doc separated into chapters), and is basically just a neater (and chronological) version of what I put on paper. By this point the outlines are still very general, especially for chapters far in the future if it's a longfic.

Chapter breakdowns. I find I can't write effectively without a roadmap of sorts to follow, so I get pretty detailed with these, right down to the specifics of each scene. Here's a little planning snippet from chapter 9 of Destiny:

And then I finally get on with my writing, lol. I do enjoy the planning stage, especially the part on paper, but I mostly do it because I struggle to write anything without a solid plan 😅

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

This is hard tbh, my memory is not good enough to remember specific lines pdfjjfh (also I pretty much don't read anymore bc brain fog 😔) but! I can tell you some of the fics that have resonated with me, and that I still think about often:

moonstones and heartstrings by soverane (Shenhe/Yelan from Genshin Impact)

but that night was different from all the others by pyresque (Eula/Shenhe from Genshin Impact)

observations of one barbara pegg, penned by rosaria by oofmilk (Barbara & Rosaria from Genshin Impact)

Undone by veronicasanders and 4theloveofdrag (Courtney Act/Bianca Del Rio from RPDR)

forever is composed of nows by beanierose (Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova from RPDR)

all the love I never gave (before I left you) by holtzbabe (Erin Gilbert/Jillian Holtzmann from Ghostbusters (2016))

Tysm for the questions anon! :D

[shellxrls]

hiiii!

I'm starting a blog and have no idea what to do lol, and since I love your blog aesthetic i was wondering if you have any tips??? (sorry if this is overstepping lol, ignore this if it is)

-🌻

hey!!

it’s not overstepping at all i love questions like this. so for me, it was a lot about finding an aesthetic i like and going off that. there’s a lot of ways in which you can do this:

- i recommend going on pinterest and trying to create a moodboard to fit the aesthetic you want for your blog, its a good way to plan & envision and it can help if you want to add images to your blog later.

- for headers/borders/banners you can search up ‘[colour/design] headers’ in either pinterest or tumblr. tumblr has some great and rlly creative banners if you’re looking for something with patterns or more intricate, and pinterest is good if you’re just looking for a certain colour or a very specific image.

- for symbols of any sort, you can just look up ‘symbols’ on google and browse through the websites, maybe make a list of those you think match the aesthetic you want to portray, and later use them when doing bullet points or any formatting.

- if you want to implement emojis in your blog, try to create a list of emojis that all resonate with a certain aesthetic or even colour so you can refer back to that list later.

- try to learn how to work with tumblr and its formatting - i won’t explain all of it here bc it’s a lot, so maybe look up some faq on google. once you’ve learned how to manipulate it you can start implementing more complicated format choices. for example, you can make things bold, you can choose specific colours or even gradients, you can even change fonts and make something smaller or indented. there’s basically a ton you can do even just in-app, and it’s all very helpful

for general knowledge:

- tagging is super important, if you want to get any reach at all you need to make sure to tag all your posts.

- try to make your page as user-friendly as possible. make sure everything is laid out neatly & easily to find, and people won’t get confused going through your blog. you can do this by adding links to different pages, organising certain posts by certain tags, and etc.

- tumblr’s algorithm runs off the basis of reblogs, not likes, so do everyone a favour and don’t only like posts - reblogging keeps posts alive and boosts them to a larger audience.

i hope all of this was helpful, do let me know if you have any other questions and good luck in starting your blog!!

[satoruhour]

any tips for starting a new writing blog?

hello dear anon!! oh my days it’s been so long since i started mine i cant really remember.

i would say remember that the first post is always nerve-wrecking and it’s ok to be nervous!! and subsequently the lack of notes since people wont know you and your style right off the bat! it’s ok to feel discouraged when you arent getting much attention too, since you are a newly established blog. the algorithm on tumblr sometimes sucks too :/

to me its personal preference but i like to have some semblance of a theme, or rather more of a post to consolidate everything that you post, not just your writings but also your faq, introductions, links, rules, etc. i usually look at a few writing blogs to see how they format things - everyone has their own ways of organising their pinned post and you can always mix and match to how you want to organise yours but it is NOT an invitation to plagiarise directly (yes, even if you change the colours of the theme to avoid suspicion). think of it with your own ideas and whatnot!!

NEVER. NEVER write on tumblr drafts on mobile. PLEASEEEE remember this. bc notifications appear on the bottom of the screen, sometimes the keyboard will go down and your finger might accidentally brush up against it. you will lose your work. it’s very very disheartening. another instance is also getting out of the app to fact check smtg for ur fic for eg and you come back to a previous post of your own from the notif ... and ur work is gone lol. writing on drafts is easier on desktop although i would say still have a safety net on google docs / notes / ur own writing notepad.

in regards to posting, if you are looking to fully be a sfw or nsfw blog then you can ignore this but i try to plan what kind of works i plan to post. if my smut works are doing well i try my hand at posting a fluff. smut works unfortunately will always get more notes imo, but dont get discouraged from writing fluff bc its still very fulfilling but the reality surrounding these genres are very distinct.

dont be afraid to delete asks or feel an obligation to answer every ask. at the end of the day it is ur blog and u choose what to put on it. if u get trolls and spammers just delete them or if u want to entertain them go ahead too.

be prepared to write out of your comfort zone. i know i said it’s ur blog and you choose what to put on it but sometimes i dont want to write the same trope with the same character and some of the requests allow me to improve my writing with characters im not too fond of for eg. i personally am still trying to push myself more, but it’s a good way to grow!

i like to attach a good amount of tags to my writing. the max on this site is 30 tags, i like to do around 15 or below that. to me it just looks less cluttered and neater. ofc w/ masterlists i usually just tag everything but for individual pieces i dont do a lot!

the writing community is to uplift too 💟 it isnt about who gets the most notes and interactions but rather to celebrate our love for the characters, so much so that we create stories out of thin air. be respectful and kind and dont be afraid to form mutuals! ignoring all the drama and craziness on tumblr sometimes it really is one of the best places to be at the height of your fandom!! enjoy anon!

[caralara]

How is Glastonbury a bbg thing?

Your theory is interesting…how did you arrive at this conclusion? Or maybe you don’t want to say????

Hi anon!

So, before I start laying it out there, let’s acknowledge that Louis is a huge festival person, he goes to a lot, has gone before X-Factor, too, obviously he remembers Leeds 2011 very fondly, and he’s said that organising / playing festivals is a dream of his that he’s now making a reality with the festival summer gigs ahead and his amazing Away From Home Festival!

But, during Babygate, Glastonbury took on a new meaning.

It was in the midst of the stunt, every week we had new articles about Briana and Louis maybe getting engaged and getting married, Simon Cowell telling Louis to “do it right and properly” with the baby even though the pregnancy rumours hadn’t even been confirmed yet and the rumour mill going crazy about wedding plans (anons saying they saw Louis looking at rings and wedding cakes etc).

So what did Louis do? He called the paps on himself while going to Glastonbury and held hands with Tamara Bell, who’s a model and actually a friend of Harry’s (and rumoured to be queer as well), effectively shutting down rumours of being with Briana and marrying her.

I don’t know if he did it without telling management, but it does seem like it because the narrative pushed took a 180 degree turn from wedding bells in the distance to “co-parenting” talks.

I believe this is where Louis took charge of the stunt in a way that ensured he wouldn’t get drawn too deeply into this stunt with Briana, because I think she was gunning for everything (brianatomlinson.com urls anyone??). It also provided the perfect cover for a “jealous babymother” debate that we later had with Danielle, making it a lot more believable and easy to sympathise with Louis for not spending more time with Freddie, who can expect him to choose between spending time with his new love and his son??? So to me Glastonbury signifies a turning point, taking charge of the stunt and giving Louis his autonomy back (to a certain degree). A “this far and not further” kind of thing.

Fast forward to 2019. I’m a 100% convinced they planned to end bbg in 2020, just like they are doing now, but bc of the pandemic they had to push the plans back until he was able to finish tour and then use the publicity of the scandal as a promo wave to ride for LT2.

I’m speculating that they probably set the plan down by June 2019, bc the set up of scammer!Briana was started shortly after with boobgate and dating Brody Jenner. And where was he found in June 2019? Yep, at Glastonbury, wearing clothes from his babygate signalling closet.

He then proceeded to bring up Glastonbury unprovoked in January 2020, as they were supposed to go into heavy bbg pushing just how they did this year, and then went on a random tweet spree about Glastonbury in April 2020.

And now in June 2022 he went to Glastonbury and was exclusively wearing clothes from his Babygate Closet lol…

So that’s the connection… I do think it is one of the many things he uses to signal about bbg being a stunt, to keep holding on, to have hope and faith in the future.

[studywurfavwasian]

My professor is unintentionally hilarious so I started keeping a list of things he’s said.

My entire department at my school is just filled with hilarious and genuinely kind professors. I am so lucky to have them teaching me a subject that I thoroughly love and enjoy so deeply, as they are so passionate and so dedicated to encouraging academic and personal growth. Not to mention they love a good rant. My friend and I literally plan our schedules around which prof is teaching the course bc we just love some of them so much. 

(This is how we ended up both enrolling for a course about Greek & Roman science & technology, where we may have to write a 2000 word essay about olives. But yk, the olive was so important to Ancient Greek society, and I love olives, so it’s fine.)

But there is this one professor who stands out from the others. For some background information, this professor was one of my first professors at my university. In my first year, he taught me three courses (Latin & Classical Mythology), and I did a Latin reading group session with him, and I had my Greek Literature course with him (so I’ve spent a lot of time studying with him). Studying Latin can be so intimidating (for good reason, the case system is absolutely overwhelming when you first start learning it), but he created such a positive environment that I ended up being able to fall in love with Latin.

This professor is not always the most...organised (he left answers in our online tests by accident at least twice), and just goes on various tangents that take up most of our lecture time. (Although, I think this trait is common in the humanities. Literally look at what I’m doing right now). He likes to go on and on about literature and Hebrew and his years in grad school where he spent hours pouring over translating Plato or Aristotle or Gorgias. I personally find this entertaining and love learning from his little tangents. Plus sometimes he says some pretty funny things. Which I will now share a selection of with you.

**For Legal Reasons (ha), take the quotation marks with a grain of salt.**

“Conserve me sounds like you’re an autumn peach waiting to be put in a jar!”

(Context: we were translating the sentence: ‘Conservate me!’ which does directly translate to ‘conserve me!’ but ‘protect me!’ is just sooooo much better.)

“I suck.” *ends the Bongo meeting*

“Did I do something stupid? I do that a lot.”

*someone asks a question* “Oh, I don’t know.”

“Sometimes I get worried that nobody can hear me, so I have to ask.” *Five minutes after nobody could hear him and he didn’t ask*

“I was driving yesterday and I saw a vanity plate, in Latin! Latin is everywhere!”

“It was all leading up to this very high point of learning Latin!”

“Is anyone listening?” *No response* “Okay.”

“This is my cat Mango” (during online classes)

*Late for a lecture and Mango jumps up on his desk* …. “oh, mango!” *exasperation*

“Does everyone get that?” *No response* “Okay.”

“I get tired of hearing myself talk.”

“There’s a problem with calling it Archaic poetry. But, I’ve called it Archaic poetry.”

“How can class be over just when we’re going to talk about Socratic Irony?” *ducks head in sadness* “I’m just going to go outside and lie down” (it was raining) “…. okay class is over. Mark this as the most pathetic class you’ve taken at [redacted].”

(Context: he showed up ten minutes late and the lecture was very disorganised (I think he did a good job!))

*Begins gesturing to the blank title slide of his powerpoint* “Notice the nice ancient map I have with ocean all the way around, and then all the continents with a nice short kind of Africa, and everything kind of roundish, smushed together, with the Mediterranean (Old world) oversized, Black Sea oversized, and everything stylized once you get out to the East.”

“Some colonial asshole probably, who lived a really dull life and wanted to oppress people.

(I can’t even remember what lecture this was from. I’m thinking it’s our geographical literature lecture. And he’s right lol.)

“Don’t tell the bartender that you’re there for the Inklings, he won’t care. It’s not like I did that or anything.” (Talking about the Eagle and Child pub)

“Scholars are fairly certain there was no access to google at this time.” (Talking about the year 280 AD)

*Everyone in the class agreed that we hate Plato.* Someone says: “I have beef with Plato!” He laughs and just dejectedly says, “aw. I love Plato.”

“A hoplite was kind of like the middle class who could afford heavy armo-- actually, you know what, we don’t need to talk about that.” *moves on and doesn’t finish his sentence*

Some other things he has done that I think are wonderful:

When we were studying Herodotus’ Histories he told us about how when he was in grad school, he used to read Herodotus to his daughter as a bed time story. It got to the point where she would ask for a Herodotus story.

Came into class, took out his laptop, wrote a website URL on the chalkboard, turned around, told us we had to go to that link and fill out a survey and then walked out of the room with all his stuff and didn’t come back for fifteen minutes.

Always had at least one typo in all his pop quizzes. On our quiz for Poetics he wrote ‘Aristotle’ as ‘ARistotle’ and my friend and I looked at each other and made pirate hooks with our fingers.

Hosted a Latin reading group in the summer and gave the people who had been studying latin for less than a year the Vulgate and Ovid’s Metamorphoses. (I gave up so quickly). But went on a ten minute ramble about the word ‘fiat’ and the subjunctive mood (which helped me a lot in second year).

While studying the Vulgate he went on a mini rant about St. Jerome and talked about his authorship when it came to his Latin translation, which spiralled into a 10 minute discussion about Hebrew and his frustrations with it.

Our pop quizzes were 5 multiple choice questions and we finished them before he finished handing them out, only for him to be shocked each time.

Agreed that the Greek Gods act like a squabbling family in the Iliad.

Laughed at my friend’s theory that between the Iliad and the Argonautica it was like they had grown up, and agreed.

Pronounces ‘circe’ like ‘sirsaayyyy’ (very long ‘ay’ sound at the end)

Whenever he writes words on the chalkboard he accidentally writes them in Greek (ancient Greek isn’t a pre-req for this class), and then has to take a minute to figure out how to write it in English.

Said: “Why does everybody read the bloody Republic? Read Symposium” only to realise like 5 minutes later THAT HE SCHEDULED US TO READ THE REPUBLIC. 

TLDR - He’s a very funny man. And he’s a very good professor. He did create what is probably one of the MOST CONFUSING ESSAY QUESTION I’ve ever had the displeasure of creating a thesis for, but that’s beyond the point. I would go on forever, but this is already long. 

[khodorkovskaya]

complete recap of my skating camp trip part 1

sooo buckle up besties, get yourselves a cup of tea and let me embark you on this journey with me. to figure skating summer camp!

so it took place in a town in the mountains called V. it's also a ski station. and, as lucien told me, it's quite lowkey. like it's a ski station for swiss people and it's not super touristy, compared to like verbier or crans montana. it's very old money basically. like it's super luxurious, clean and expensive, but it's not flashy like a lot of ski resorts. also it's weird bc i didn't see any young people there. there were mostly 40+ yr olds and elderly couples. and lots of good cars. again, not the flashy types, but like little porsches or just like discrete german cars. i saw one g-wagon with ukrainian number plates, but the rest were like old money cars, you know what i mean? lucien also told me that there's no airbnb there. like it's really not that much of a touristy place.

but anyway, im getting ahead of myself.

so the plan was for me to come there on sunday so that i could spend the night at lucien's parents place and not have to wake up super early on monday bc skating camp started at 8:30. but they didn't want to take me in lol. bc im not family and they were skeptical.

so i ended up waking up at 5am on monday and taking the train at 6. i arrived to the closest train station at like 7:30ish and lucien met me there to drive me to the camp.

and okay right off the bat i knew i was in for a wild ride. bc imagine, it's 7am, i was supposed to meet lucien at the café at the train station. and like as soon as i walk in, he's like super hyped. he had butler energy. like he usually looks pretty rough lol, but this time i was surprised by his appearance bc he had slicked back hair and he was wearing this like really cool red hoodie (from diving school) and the whole look was giving nutcracker like adjshjhg.

anyway, i walk in and he grabs my suitcase and exclaims "madame!!! may i offer you a coffee?" and im like umm sure yeah and he turns to the lady there and he's like "a coffee for madame please!!!! it's my treat for madame!". like it was really giving butler, i was a bit embarrassed bc he was so loud so early in the morning.

then i gave him the tshirt i made. because, getting side tracked, but every year i organise a contest for my birthday for the best video montage and the winners get tshirts with my face on it, it's a whole thing. so yeah i finally gave lucien his tshirt. and he changed into it right then and there. and again i was a bit embarrassed bc like he has a nipple and a bellybutton piercing and his hyped energy weirded everyone out i feel.

so yeah then we got in the car and he drove me around this town like 10 times. he was like "yeahhhh i want you to feel independent, madame. you should know where everything is in case you need anything".

then we got to the rink and met our coaches. and omg they're so good! so there's A who's an ex competitive skater, she went to junior worlds, four continents and sea games. and R who's her ex coach who lowkey reminded me of dave lease lol.

we were the only adults there lol. the rest were girls aged 7 to 15. we were 10 in total.

we lived in a little chalet right next to the rink, it was literally perfect!

then we went on the ice straight away. and it was my 1st time like properly skating in my new skates. and the euphoria i felt when i stepped on the ice oh myyy. i was so happy!

so the way it was organised is that we'd have 3 hours of ice per day. either 1 in the morning and 2 in the afternoon or the other way around. and during each session we'd be split into two groups and alternate between the coaches every 30 minutes.

the lessons were absolutely incredible! like idek how to explain it. but it was like high level stuff. the coaches had a very individual approach tailoured to everyone and it was so good!

after skating we had lunch. and the camp reserved a table at this super nice restaurant for us for lunch and dinner. with a gorgeous view on the valley. and the food was so good!!!! i mean it was tailored towards kids so we had pasta, chicken, chips. croque-monsieurs, that kind of thing. so nothing too spicy or too weird. but to me it was basically comfort food every day and i enjoyed it a lot!!!!

after lunch lucien suggested we go see his parents... and i was a little uneasy bc they didn't want me at their house, right? but he insisted. and i, being eastern european, was like "let's stop by the bakery and get them something for tea". lucien found it a bit strange. and he was like why, so i explained to him that it's impolite to come empty handed if you're invited to someone's house. and he was like "we're not invited, we're just gonna show up". and i was like "that's literally why we should definitely bring something!!!!".

so yeah, we stopped by the bakery and got his parents two pieces of this like pear chocolate cake.

so the parents weren't expecting us, and especially not me, so there was a bit of awkwardness there. but old people usually like me and they were very pleasantly surprised by the cake, so the awkwardness went away pretty quickly. but they were a bit on edge because we just like came without an invitation.

his dad looked a lot like the turtle from kung fu panda lol. and i think he has a cataract or some kind of old people eye problem bc his eyes were a bit weird. meanwhile the mum looked like a typical well off house wife. like makeup in the house, simple clothes that fit her well, tidy hairdo.

the chalet has been the same since the 70s, it had this kitsch 70s decor like flowery wallpaper and greens and orange-browns. they still had lucien and his sister's drawings up dating from the 70s, calendars from the 90s, some old christmas decorations, old family photos, lots of kitschy objects and decor. but it was all very tidy and, despite not being minimalist at the slightest, it didn't give off the vibe of like being hoarded, unlike a lot of poor old people's houses, you know what i mean?

then lucien wanted to show me how to ride a bike because umm yeah confession time, idk how to ride a bike. so he got out his old bike that he's cleaned the day before and we went to the flat part of the road for me to try it out. it was a lot easier than expected and i learned almost immediately.

then lucien asked me if i want to try out his electric bike and i was like sure. so i got on it and oh my god. have you guys ever tried an electric bike? the sensation is incredible! and so i took his bike and rode off lol. meanwhile he was left with the regular one.

and yeah, we ended up cycling for 17km! idk how lucien survived lol bc it was mostly uphill. like he's in such good shape but still.

we ended up missing gym class and got back right in time for the second skating session.

then lucien went home for dinner with his parents, meanwhile i had dinner with everyone else.

oof okay besties, im literally falling asleep. part 2 tomorrow! there's so much tea to spill likeeee y'all are gonna love it, this is just the beginning! laku noc 😘

[emcscared-whumps]

3, 9, 22, and 24 for the writing ask!

Questions from This Post!

***I actually received two asks for the from same post, and you have a couple of the same queries, so uh, my apologies I'm gonna copy paste those bc I feel bad about linking the other post as an answer lmao, but also, why write it twice lol

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

I sacrifice the blood of my innocent characters on the altar of sadism and worship the Higher Powers in hopes they grant me 50 extra words to put into my doc

jkjkjk lmao

I don't have much of what could be considered a ritual. I usually like a moderately dim, quiet room, I brew some tea, put on a Spotify playlist full of neat but quiet instrumentals, and lay a weighted blanket over my lap, and I crack open both my planning doc and my ActualWritingTM doc and see where I'm at and which bit I want to work on :)

~*~

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

Uhh... Well, the feeling of eyes boring into your back and the sound of floors creaking in the night when no one's there is certainly unsettling (both true btw, I don't joke about that shit :bSweat:), but I don't think we have much definitive scientific evidence to prove anything about the existence of ghosts.

Just creepy anecdotes, unexplained occurrences, and horror campfire stories. And you have no real way to tell how exaggerated or not they are since you were never there. Or you never saw, even if you were. I think it's a lot to do with psychic and mind shit, so it's perfectly reasonable that one person could see a ghost and another, standing staring at the same spot, might not.

Personally?

I don't think our current science practices or approaches allow for large/reliable enough study into that field. We also might not have the technology. And we have the tendency to laugh at the psychics/mediums etc etc.

If I asked my uncle, I'm sure he'd say some interesting/existential stuff about about what it means to be alive, exist, and what our consciousness really is... whether the universe is real or just our brain's way of interpreting different stimuli... I would have to agree with the bits that I can wrap my mind around lmao

Short answer? I'm undecided, but if they wanna chill in my closet? Cool, just don't make a mess. You can look at my cool rock collection, ghost friend :)

Fun fact: I'm in the Danny Phantom fandom lmao because ofc I am

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

I like to think I'm fairly organised-- I have different folders for different realms, and within those, the different stories set in those realms, and then inside those, I have note documents, outline documents, draft documents, and a snippet folder. They're all formatted the same, and the document names are also formatted the same.

I think it's very organised, and it helps me keep track of where I put everything so I can find it again.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

I do sooo much prep work.

I am a notorious overthinker, and it shows in many aspects of my life, from my writing, to karate, to any kind of planning.

When I plan my writing, I make a lot of notes that stem from "main events".

For example, Timmy bb might need to go look for Pete in the aquarium. I'll write out what he does before finding Pete, and afterward, and I'll flesh it out with basic descriptors and emotions. It ends up half writing, I've started calling it 'scaffolding', because it sorta is.

E.g. Timmy blanches, he feels sick, and he feels his share of the guilt for getting it so so wrong. He should’ve known, he should’ve figured it out

It takes a little while, but if I already have the ideas, it's very quick because you can get a flow up very easily.

And then ofc, I come back several days, or even weeks later having daydreamed incessantly about it, and add more and more detail until it looks like Actual Writing.

Rinse and repeat and the process can take years :mElmoFire:

Shifting Phases though is a total fucking bitch because I started when I was 15 and wanted whump whump whump and didn't know how the characters worked yet. So, the plot is a constant battle, but I'm really making headway with the addition of 5 years of simmering on the cooktop :D

I suppose I do enjoy even the planning because it's still technically writing-- I'm not starting off on a blank page, and I have something to assist in the daydreaming :))

~*~

[nonoleeknowno]

ʙᴏʏꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ!ᴋɪᴍ ꜱᴇᴜɴɢᴍɪɴ

Chan // Minho // Changbin // Hyunjin // Jisung // Felix // Seungmin // Jeongin

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

ngl i spent so much time trying to find that font i used seungmin doesn’t even look like a word anymore but we’ll see how this goes T.T

I can see Seungmin being a bit of a romantic

Probably has liked a lot of people before and has constant vivid thoughts and imaginations of being with a person, going on dates, holding Hands

but whether he’s actually dated anyone is hit or miss for me i can’t pinpoint it exactly

but either way he’d be quite nervous and reserved before dating you

i feel like he’d prefer to get to know someone as a friend before asking them on a date

Seungmin is a menace

in the nicest way possible of course :P

He’s going to bully you when he gets comfortable. But it is out of complete and utter love for you. It is because he feels like being around you is a safe place to be.

so he Will take advantage of that and be a little shit poke some fun at you

if you’re not comfortable with that though or it gets too much, he would 1000% stop though or at least ease off and check up on you more regularly to make sure you’re all goods

Now. When I tell you.

the amount of Photos he would take of you.

there would be selfies, mirror selfies, photos of you in front of landmarks, photos with each others families, photos with friends, photos with the members, photos with a raccoon i don’t know just PHOTOS EVERYWHERE

((he would send you a selfie every morning with a message like “good morning sunshine :D” bc he’s a softie))

you know how some people have couple playlists on spotify or whatever?

that’d be you guys ^_^

y’all are so freaking cute im losing it

you’d always update the playlist and then next time you see each other you’d listen to it together in the car or on a walk in the park or something Romantic because Seungmin has been craving this his whole life

I really see him loving dates (i mean obviously but hear me out)

Love language: quality time

he seems very organised and i read somewhere like almost 4 years ago that he keeps a journal (??) so he loves the process behind dates

planning it, calling up different places, seeing prices and stuff

and he’d be the type to remember things you say like “ahh y/n said they’d love to go to paintball one day”

surprise!! clear your schedule, seungmin is taking you to paintball!!

and just in general i see him being quite attentive to what you want (as anyone in a relationship should be !! just a quick PSA lol)

as for nicknames, it’d be simple stuff similar to jeongin, like i said earlier “sunshine” or “baby” or “honey” or something like that

((the way i phrased that made it seem like Jeongin was a nickname option... i mean it can be if you want i guess ?? lmfao))

Overall he’d just be really sweet and want to be the best boyfriend he can be

also Photos !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emphasis on photographer!seungmin because he’s so important !!!!!!! T.T

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

AN: i made another post and its been less than a week look at me go 😏😏

im enjoying this a lot because uni is a lot right now but im liking the writing breaks even if its nothing too fancy :DD I hope you guys enjoy this as well !! Felix next !! and i might make another Skz as ___ because those are really fun for me too lol if you have any suggestions feel free to ask :D

[deonideatta]

It's not peak brain hours for me rn, so I'm going to write everything about the sunah-mjh conspiracy and what it implies (or at least how I understand it) out to organise it in my head. Pls correct me if I've gotten anything wrong or missed anything

So all in all the goal was to plant ga on as a spy/weakness using isaac's face as an in. At first I thought that mjh had been the one to steer ga on towards being a judge, and I still think that's possible, but I don't think he approached ga on solely with the intent to use him tho. Based on his face at the graduation it seems he already knew her before that. She probably approached him and offered him a position as chief justice in exchange for manipulating ga on. (Also, what's his deal resigning then? What does he really want out of all of this?). I don't think he took care of ga on after his parents died solely for that reason tho, bc i think he's established as a friend of ga on's father, which is how they came to know each other.

Ga on would then be used to attack yohan in the future. On a basic level that meant feeding information back to mjh/acquiring evidence of yohan's shady dealings so they could take him down. Along the line yohan and ga on kinda grew attached to each other, which threw off the plan bc now ga on wasn't willing to betray yohan for mjh. However on a deeper level ga on was meant to serve as a weakness for yohan, emotionally, which was made more possible by them getting closer.

Mjh then uses soo hyun to plant doubts in ga on's mind surrounding the church fire. Then, they kill off soo hyun, and mjh uses soo hyun's death and the church fire to plant suspiscion. Yohan pushes ga on off the edge in the end with the death penalty thing, and mjh takes the opportunity to collect the returns on his investment, talking ga on into outing the court as fake. So in the end ga on's attachment to yohan ends up being beneficial to sunah-mjh, bc it drives him to reveal the truth so he can stop yohan from going too far.

It seems like things are over for yohan, but then it turns out the public still supports him, to the point of wanting to make him president. Deciding to go in for the kill, sun ah-mjh trick ga on into thinking yohan did the church fire and killed soo hyun, prompting the stabbing. Now it seems sun ah did this for the added emotional blow, bc she could have just framed yohan and left it at that. Rather she chooses to target what's closest to him, the two people he cares about most. And we reach the tragic conclusion.

Now, what does this mean for ga on's character? We know that at least his friendship with soo hyun came about free from sun ah's plans. It predated his relationship with mjh, so at least we can assume that his interactions with soo hyun were genuine, and her advice to him was as well, though it may have been influenced by mjh. We know that Ga on becoming yohan's associate judge was not a coincidence, but it's not clear if ga on going to the kang mansion was intended by sunahmjh, bc though we know that the foundation planted the bomb it would be a bit of a gamble to assume it would lead to yohan taking ga on to his house. Either way the closeness achieved there and the drive to help yohan and elijah and feel sympathy for them are all things ga on did on his own

As for ga on choosing to side with yohan over mjh. I don't think this was in the plan, bc obviously if ga on changes sides he'll stop leaking info to mjh. So we can assume that that was ga on's decision, influenced of course by yohan. Funny how we all analysed the ways that yohan manipulated ga on while the real manipulation was coming from mjh lol. Then again, while it might not serve mjh's agenda (whatever that is, we actually don't know) it also serves sun ah's agenda in that it makes ga on more of a weakness to yohan, as he grows fonder of him.

I also dont think sunah-mjh accounted for ga on's dark side. Yohan drew that out, and used it to convince ga on of his way of doing things. It seems mjh did put a lot of effort into making ga on the poster boy of 'righteousness', so that he would remain at odds with yohan, so obviously it doesn't work in his favour to have ga on secretly have a dark side that relates to yohan. Additionally, there's no way mjh or sun ah played a role in ga on's parents' death (or is there..? Mjh has been mentioned to be a friend of ga on's father. hmmm), so whatever effects that had on him (I.e. his thirst for revenge) would have been out of their control.

It seems though that when ga on went to yohan's side, they simply changed the plan to account for it. Sow seeds of doubt via soo hyun, then kill soo hyun and make it look like yohan did it. And then yohan himself inadvertently helped by busting out the whole death penalty. In the end it worked out even better for them, bc ga on gained a lot more insider knowledge by going to yohan's side, and again, his concern for yohan also spurred him into action in order to stop yohan from crossing a line he couldn't uncross, the only way that seemed available.

And then when the situation seems to be turning in yohan's favour, they decide to deliver the final blow, both to him and to ga on. It's devastating to yohan because it targets the two people he cares about most, and threatens to reveal the secret he has sacrificed so much to keep, for elijah's sake. And it's devastating to ga on because suddenly it puts his whole life into question, and he's suddenly faced with the realization that a lot of what he's done had been carefully laid out for him in advance, that a lot of his life has been a tool in someone's big plan. And in the process he has lost all the things he had that were real: his relationships with soo hyun, yohan and elijah. Imagine the weight of realising that all the choices you agonised over, that you made because you believed you were doing the right thing, turn out to be the result of careful manipulation from someone you trusted like a parental figure, and that all the things that could have stopped the force behind that figure have been destroyed because of you and those choices.

Overall it's a very insidious and downright evil plan, especially because it hinged a lot on taking advantage of a young man lost in the wake of tragic events in order to steer his life in a direction meant to serve your sick and twisted goals. And then continuing to do so until your plans bear fruition, then shattering his whole world and moving on. All for the purpose of mentally tormenting some guy who wasn't nice to you when you were a maid that stole things from his house

My only issue with all this is how sun ah knew yohan was going to do all the things he was going to do so far in advance that she could plan ga on's career path accordingly? You could argue sun ah planted ga on purely based on her obsession with yohan, not necessarily expecting him to wage war on the elites. She may have then seen the benefit of ga on as a weakness of yohan's when the fight started and played up that aspect of the plan. Or she set up the live court for the express purpose of having yohan and ga on meet? Not clear on this, if anyone has any thoughts help a sister out.

We'll probably get more info in the finale, and I'll update this post if I think of anything new

[bbyeeti]

thanks so much for sharing!! 8 hours to edit ch 9 wow

i love your plotting doc so much bcos it's so well-structured and it never occurred to me to use a coloured background. i almost didn't recognise it was google docs at first? ugh its even more organised than the notes i take during lectures

also the fact that you put those funny little questions to yourself and that's so useful cos it really helps you find the plotholes and stuff if they do occur. plus that encyclopedia section thingy at the front to establish world-building is cool! also i literally just started writing using comics sans a week ago just to troll myself?? and HAHA it really works when proofreading 😁

also how long did it take you to do up the plan bcos it looks super detailed e.g. the dates and timeline did you write the whole plan at one go (i.e. no writing at all for a period of time, just plotting) or do you sort of plot the chapter maybe a few days or weeks before you start the writing and how do you resolve structural plotholes when they appear do you write around them by adding new ideas to accommodate it or do you go back and change the story

sry i have so many qns lol

and yes i wrote a thing for enhypen & am working on another thing (hellu it's me ao3 user tenet ⊙‿⊙)

WOOOOOOOW HI BRO GOOD TO KNOW IT'S YOU :D

ummm is this, ahem, being 'more organised than the notes you take during lectures' an achievement bc honestly the notes students take are sometimes very—

OKAY BUT HONESTLY using comics sans feels like a fever dream T^T I'll be praying for you on this journey

I mean ✨the action✨ of writing the plan of a chapter doesn't take lots of time but figuring out what the heck you should do?? ಥ‿ಥ lots of lots of. Not sure which one you were asking about? But yeah, I didn't write the whole plan of the fic beforehand, I just started with the chapter 1 (I'm a simple girl and I like gays ok) posted it and then I sat like

and yeah, I eventually came up with a plot (more or less) and found a few things which I know I have to put here and theeeere. And, in general, I don't usually know how to put these ideas until the last minute. because my small brain just XDD it just can't. so yeah, I'm writing the plan bit by bit

if I have plotholes I ignore them, I don't go back to fill them or correct them, mostly because it's an ongoing thing, some people download the pdf of that sh t so I don't want to confuse anyone!! BUT if I was more incognito I would edit the shit out of it, not gonna lie

sorry I'm a master of rambling :))

OH GREAT SO I've just started reading your fic so when you get a kudoso but not a comentoso don't worry!! bc you shall expect my comment at the end

WHAT YOU'RE WRITING THERE IN SECRET SPILL THE TEA or bitch the pot even though I know it didn't mean spill the t—

wow I should stalk the commenting people

[youreonlylow]

Oooh please do tell more about this fic project of yours 👀

basically like a year and a half ago i got really into Lewis. Like i had watched it a lot growing up, having a dad who has most of morse on burned dvds, and started watching it chronologically for the first time. and thats when i first starting showing my head around the lewis tag on here. i think there has been like 5 episodes i fully hadnt seen or couldnt remember/probably fell asleep during, so lewis wasnt a new thing and hathaway was already one of my favourite tv characters

i started writing down notes in my phone as i was watching each episode and trying to create some analysis of hathaway based on canon things and just my own little queer and neurodivergent lense. (the notes is titled gay hathaway moments but quickly evovled into much more)

im not a big fic writer but lewis and especially hathaway and his elusive character has taken up so much of my brain space but im having a hard time like organising my thoughts and putting words on them other than the vague idea of who hathaway is and what i think could be his canon implied backstory. i was looking for like a big fic that had this comprehensive feeling to it and there wasnt much that fully scratched the itch though i have read and reread many great fics and im not gonna lie at first i wasn’t reading lewis/hathaway fics and that itch has been much more satisfied in that tag but i suppose it took a while for me to come around to ship them enough to read fics about them as i started out prefering thinking of what a canon queer relationship for james could look like but there are very few james/ocm or other somewhat canon male character fics. im still kinda in both trenches about what i prefer, and im still not sure what direction my fic wil go. however, my little notes on hathaway did very much include moments in the show i thought alluded to some lewis/hathaway stuff even if it was onesided so its not like i was blind. i dont know, im a little ambivelant about it i suppose.

ANYWAY sorry for the rambling i very rarely get prompted to talk about Lewis and especially hathaway lol

my fic didnt really start taking shape until very recently when i found this song and i was deep in a lewis watch at the time so immediately my brain started connecting the song to moments that fit what we have somewhat been told or canon things (eventhough idk how much of the song and the rest of the album is actually applicable the vibes are great) so i started having this story in my head i guess including how the story would unfold and this scene of james singing this song and lewis showing up (i thought about this scene a lot and it made me very unsure whether or not to write their ship in this fic like i hadnt planned it and then suddenly my brain was just like well what if)

I think the fic will be kinda heavy and im not sure if i have the skill set to fullly realise the idea that i have but im enjoying it a lot so far and even have some other hathaway centric fics in mind to satiate the need for those plots and ideas without bringing them into what i hope will be very close to the fanon and my personal interpretation of events (i can already tell its gone a little off the rails but thats okay)

(other hathaway fic i really want to write is one where he goes through psychosis following the creveceour case from lewis’ pov bc i felt like maybe it deserved its own fic and attention and im not sure i could make it work in the master fic without taking heavy liberties regarding canon)

I have written a little now but since that initial idea its just grown a lot and im super overwhelmed with how to structure it and how to include the songs and if i should just do one long fic or like a series of fics but i want to have a lot done for it before i find out what works best.

also im really bad at having a consistent or concrete idea of character or how people behave and what they think etc, which is very annoying when youre trying to write a fic that relies heavily on that basically it needs to be extremely wild for my brain to go thats out of character for x person both in real life and in fics lol

TL;DR: i have lewis brainworms and am going to hopefully write a big hathaway analysis in the form of a fic and i am very stressed but also very excited

sorry for any typos im writing on my ipad keyboard as i was actually just about to sit and watch lewis on it before i decided to check tumblr (i am on the first episode of the last season and im very emotional)

[floralseokjin]

;club zombie (m)

In a world overrun by zombies, you’d think everyone was a goner, but the reality is much different. A steady diet of brains lets a zombie exist as a fully functioning human. Just ignore the part where they’re technically dead… In fact, these days, the amount of zombies outweigh the humans. A lot jump at the chance to be turned. Beg for it. 

Kim Seokjin controls the underground of Seoul. No one would dare cross him. That’s how most of the world goes these days. You wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of a zombie now, would you? However, you don’t quite see it like that. Spending most nights dancing at the club he owns, you catch his eye. It’s never the wrong side if you’re underneath him, right…?

pairing; kim seokjin x reader  genre/warnings; zombie! seokjin, mafia boss! seokjin, smut, oc has a ring kink (relatable), gets angsty two thirds in, some type of romance bc of course it gets fluffy towards the end lol words; 17,113

listen to; friction // 555 

⇢ Part of the Deadly Intentions collaboration. With @btssmutgalore​, @kpopfanfictrash, @underthejoon, @lamourche , @prolixitae and @taetaetrashhh, who organised the whole thing and created the moodboard! 

Please forget everything you’ve ever known about most zombie portrayals in books, movies and tv series, because this is totally different. The idea and inspiration came from the television adaptation of iZombie. If you’ve watched it then you have a better vision of how the zombies in my story are portrayed. If not, then please just give it a go lol. It may sound wacky, but it’s Halloween! So here’s to the 🧟🍆!! I hope you enjoy! 

You could hear Seokjin’s footsteps, boots clanking up the wooden stairs, and your stomach lurched in anticipation. He’d made you wait two frustratingly long hours, which was hell considering you hadn’t had time to be alone together all week. You were beyond excited for him to finally get his hands on you. Your body had long got used to craving him down to the very bone. 

He came into sight, the image of you draped along his bed rooting him in his tracks. Your robe barely covered your modesty. Nipples visibly hard against the silk. Sometimes there was no need for underwear. Not when it got torn off most of the time. He needn’t waste his money anymore. You let a slow smirk stretch across your face. “How do you want me tonight, Sir?” 

No need to greet him with a hello neither. What was the point? He’d told you to be in his home ready for him when he got back. Bedroom. He’d made that very specific. There was no need for pleasantries. Not when you knew greater ways to please him.

Him. 

Kim Seokjin. 

How did you get here again? So easily. So willingly. Like you’d wanted such a thing from the moment you’d laid your eyes on him. You had. Seokjin wasn’t your husband, nor boyfriend. He wasn’t even a casual hook up. In some ways he was more than any of the above. In others, he was less. It was an arrangement. The most simplest kind. Sex. With the city’s most dangerous man. 

No one in Seoul would dare cross him. Hell, this whole country. Maybe it ran deeper than even that. No, what were you saying? It definitely did. You just didn’t want to know. You didn’t want to know the details. You didn’t even want to think about what they could be. To you, the man you shared yourself so openly with could never be what they all described him as. Not when he’d shared so much with you too. It was puzzling to think people actually feared him. He had never frightened you. In fact, you’d only ever known him as gentle. Even when he had his icy cold hands wrapped around your throat, fucking into you so hard his bed, amongst other things, were fit to break. 

Yeah. This wasn’t the turn you thought your life would take. But then again, this world wasn’t exactly the same place it had been four years ago. The human race had to grow a thicker skin. Most changed completely. See, Seokjin wasn’t just your average crime lord. He was a rotter. So was over half the population. 

Dead and rotten on the inside. Cold and smooth on the outside. The correct scientific term was Undead, but in simpler, more familiar terms, they were zombies. Not your average text fiction kind though. No flesh rots. No foul smell. No incoherent noises, that sent a bolt of terror and dread through your body. No, the undead were able to live as fully functioning humans for the most part. A reality that took a little while to make sense of, but as it did, the world everyone had known began to change. Drastically.  

Unsure how it all started, although known to have been caused by some crazy scientist type, the disease, as it was called—now more of a lifestyle—had swept through most of America before their government and medicals could get to grips with it. It was as it was known in fiction. A zombie apocalypse. The whole world went into lockdown, flown into madness. Panic and strife were universal. The infected were destroyed and the potentially infected were quarantined. It was there they began to understand the infection. 

The virus still burning through the veins of the innocent would be extremely difficult to handle. The were, by lack of knowledge back then, your “cannon” zombie. Unable to speak, unable to think, and their eyes sunken, black and lifeless. If given the chance, and some had been, they would tear at the flesh of the uninfected, feast on their brains. However, kept under a close eye, locked and controlled in a box room where they couldn’t see out but an array of people could see in, medicals soon discovered there were ways to quell the deep, ravenous need they had inside them. Portions. That was the key. Starved or gorged of human brain just turned them frenzied. The need as a fresh, baby zombie was insatiable but with a controlled diet the world became a little more normal again. 

If you could ever call it normal. Human greed was at an all-time high. Who didn’t find it amazing that you could be a certified zombie while also retaining your human life? Who wouldn’t want to be dangerous? Feared? Who wouldn’t want to live potentially forever? The list went on, and that didn’t include countless governments’ motives. Soon the infection had spread willingly throughout the world. It caused fresh havoc. Some countries who hadn’t even wanted to get caught up in the mess, perished because they were too small or undeveloped. But most were smart, scheming. Here in the East a plan was concocted. 

Somehow they found the individual who created the virus. Whether they went willingly or were forced no one would ever know. Their identity still remained a mystery even after all these years. Together some of the countries’ top scientists helped mutate the sickness into something “better”. Injected straight into the veins, there was no longer a fear of the infected losing control. The Undead were created. Just another form of human, but with a hunger for brains. It took a total of eighteen months for the world to be okay again. 

Now that was all just a memory. Zombies were considered the norm, accepted into society long ago. A recent consensus found that just under 60% of the world’s population were undead. Humans the minority. They lived like humans, worked like humans and had families like humans. Although not in the traditional sense. The undead could still have sex. The men could still cum, by some grace of god, lucky them, but they were infertile. Women too. Reproductive system dead like the rest of them. 

Of course, just because there were a lot of humane rotters, didn’t mean there weren’t bad ones amongst the mix. Like you said, humans were greedy. Mostly for power, and being a rotter in the right place, right time gave people tonnes of that. They weren’t truly immortal though. That was well known. A shot to their rotten brain would kill them. Nothing else. That’s where the infection resided. 

To be turned there was a system. Applications, interviews, contracts…a waiting list for the injection that would alter your life forever. However, it didn’t work like that most of the time. The world wasn’t so perfect. Corrupt would be a better description. There were other, more simple, ways of turning. A bite or a scratch. Or even sexually transmitted within the first year of infection. There was nothing the government could do about it, and there were many illegal zombies rooming the country. And try all they might, no matter how many times, scientists couldn’t change the way infection took place. 

They also couldn’t change the compulsion for brains. Yes, there was no lost control in the beginning, but starved of brains for too long, devolved them into the “cannon” zombie once again. It would take months of starvation, but after the deed was done, it was impossible to be reverted back. Thus they were destroyed. As you could guess, crime levels had not lowered. They had only gotten worse due to gluttony. 

Donors now offered their brains up once dead, in a bid to keep portions up. There was complete control when it came to that, but again, that didn’t stop some rotters. Over the years, a lot more murder victims had been found missing a brain. But you digressed. It wasn’t all bad for the undead. They didn’t starve. They could still eat normal food, just oddly needed some extra spice. Their tastebuds has pretty much been destroyed after the turn, so hot sauce was their best friend. Scientists had also created “fake” brain. Think of it along the same vein as fake meat for vegetarians. A substitute. It didn’t give complete satisfaction, but it helped. In fact, they had quite an array of foods now, sold at any local convenience and grocery stores. For some reason brain sushi always made you laugh when you saw it. Surreal. Fast food stores had also caught on. Yes, Big Brain Mac was a thing now… What more did they want? As long as they had the real thing each month, life went on as normal.

They looked normal too. You’d forgotten to mention that one. Sometimes, with the help of hair dye and fake tan, they looked just like their past selves. There were a couple of giveaways though. If they weren’t high maintenance. Their eyes had changed an ice grey after the virus had taken hold, skin pale and cold, and hair turning white. Sometimes fully, but more often than not streaks or wisps of it. Oh, and their heart rate was ten beats per minute. They were dead after all. Pretty much. It  was only when they lost themselves, did they turn into something horrific. Eyes black, sunken into their skull, cheeks gaunt, close to rotting. You’d heard they could also fall into a zombie trance when experiencing intense emotions. Depending on the situation it had different levels of severe. You had never seen this though. You knew very well, that was a benefit for certain zombies. A scare factor. Intimation factor. Like you said, there were many who used their rotter status for evil and crime… 

Which put Seokjin in a very grey area. 

He controlled the underground of this city. You hated using the word mafia, naïve to it all. Something fictional to you, but that’s exactly what was going on. An organised crime syndicate. The oldest son of a wealthy and corrupt family, Seokjin was always heir to the blood soaked throne. He was extremely powerful, even more so than the city’s law enforcement. Actually, you knew for a fact he worked side by side with them a lot of time. Probably called most of the shots. He’d been human in the beginning, when he’d first become in charge, not long before the virus began spreading, but of course that had soon changed. You’d heard stories of how his turn came to be, but you took those with a grain of salt. They were hearsay in your eyes. You’d never been one for rumours and gossip. 

As it would have it, you’d only ever known him as undead. You started working at his club just over a year ago. How you got there wasn’t important, you just liked to dance, and dancing was a must at Club Zombie. Cheesy name, but it got the custom. It was almost a sort of tourist attraction. An after dark one. Humans and zombies alike. The dancers were both too. It could be a seedy place sometimes, but you didn’t mind dancing around a pole for men when their money was involved. The day was yours, the night was easy; just dancing, putting on a show. Besides, you were safe. Seokjin never let anything happen to the women that worked for him. 

This was the place you could find him at the most, although strictly professional he never brought danger here. The rumours surrounding him were probably what made the club so popular to begin with. He wasn’t stupid. A zombie mob boss, what fiction was made of. Everyone lapped it up. Some nights he sat right up front, quite literally a throne on a podium, surveying the bar and dance platforms. It helped that he was extremely good looking. Got the humans with a kink all riled up. Such soft, movie star looks when you truly studied him. Jarring in a way. A white streak running along the front of his dark hair, parted at the forehead reminded you of what he was. That and his cold, grey eyes. 

It was working at Club Zombie where he soon began to take an interest in you. It was glances your way at first. When you made your way to the dressing rooms, or more often than not, when your eyes met as you danced and twisted around the pole. You wouldn’t admit it back then, but it did send a thrill up your spine, fresh confidence washing  over you. Even more so when the glances turned to smiles. They could be better described as flirtatious smirks if you didn’t know any better. Because why would anyone like Seokjin want you? He had this whole city at his feet. You were a no one. No, you were imagining the signs. He might’ve not even been looking at you. 

But he was. Or course he was. You just couldn’t believe it. Not until one night when he’d asked you to join him for a drink. Halloween night, to be precise. Not that you cared for the holiday. It was just another day. 

You were the last one to leave the club. Usually the first, you’d misplaced your cell phone. Took you twenty minutes to find it, fallen behind one of the sofas in the dressing room when you’d flung your jacket down in a hurry not a few hours ago. You were in a hurry when you made your way across the bar, heading for the exit, hand in your purse trying to now find your car keys. You didn’t want to keep Yunho, the barman, waiting any longer. But he wasn’t the one left. 

Seokjin was stood behind the bar when you looked up at the call of your name. A peculiar sight. In all the time you’d been here you hadn’t once seen that. The fact he knew your name was even more mindboggling. You opened your mouth to apologise to him, presuming that was why he was asking for your attention, but you got no where. Not when the question he asked stunned you to silence. 

“Care to join me for night cap?” 

You weren’t one for drinking, never had been funnily enough, but you ended up agreeing. You told yourself it was because he was the boss. You couldn’t say no to him, but the racing of your heart as you sat down argued it was something different. 

He drank straight whisky, poured you a glass of rosé you didn’t request. Did he see you as that kind of drinker? Classy. Unless it wasn’t classy at all because you knew nothing about alcohol. You thought he’d stay behind the bar, lord of the house, but to your surprise he came out to meet you. You heart beat even faster when he sat on the stool next to you. You prayed hard that rotters didn’t have an acute sense of hearing. Your knowledge was failing you, but logically, going by that dumb fucking fiction, you’d have to assume they did. He knew you were nervous mess right now. How embarrassing. 

He bared his teeth and made a wincing sound as he took a swig of his drink. It was nice to know the burn still affected him, and you watched him tilt the tumbler this way and that, staring at the swirling amber liquid as he did so. Maybe he was giving you time to relax. Maybe he just wanted to sit in silence. Who knew. His rings clanked against the crystallised glass. He always wore them. Large silver bands, dark coloured jewels encased in the centre. He had beautiful hands now that you saw them up close. Wrists too. His shirt sleeves rolled up to the middle of his veiny forearms. The watch he wore was more expensive than anything you’d earn in five years. Maybe a lifetime. You were clueless. 

Momentarily distracted, it took you those five minutes to realise you’d never so much as had one conversation with him. He was mostly the untouchable boss who was more like a statue to awe over than a person to share friendlies with. There were other men who worked closely for him here, woman too. Those were who you went to if there was a problem. A drunken customer. A shift you couldn’t make. An emergency you had to leave early for. In fact, even when you had gotten this job it wasn’t by his judgement. So this made the exchange even more awkward considering you’d never said so much as two words to him. You sipped on your wine for something to do. The taste wasn’t all that bad actually. 

“You’re not afraid of me, are you?” 

You had been so used to the silence you jumped a little from your seat at the sound of his voice. He sounded curious, and you glanced his way to see him giving you his full attention now. Body angled to you; eyes so intense they made you a little unnerved. Fuck. He’d definitely heard the racing of your heart then. Mistaken it for something else. 

“Afraid? No.” You decided to be honest. Or at least as honest as you could be. He didn’t need to know you were even more unsteady now than you had been not ten minutes ago. All because of…thoughts, that had entered your mind upon noticing his long, deft fingers. Not that you knew they were skilled, but it was just a hunch. You shrugged in what you hoped was a casual manner. Voice straining to be very much the same. “My nail technician is a zombie. My running buddy at the gym. My doctor.” 

To your surprise he chuckled. Deeply amused by something. “I didn’t mean that.” Oh. Had you misunderstood? How embarrassing. “Are you afraid of me because of who I am?” 

You blinked slowly. His status. That was what he was referring to. You slowly shook your head, making sure to hold his gaze as you replied. “No.” You shocked even yourself, because you really did mean it. Maybe you were reckless. Your parents had always said such words. You were drawn to the unknown. The excitement got you giddy, but this—he—was something new. 

Your idea of living life on the edge was dancing in hardly anything, not warming to a man who discussed crime over breakfast like it was nothing. Did God knows what when he wasn’t sitting in this club. 

He nodded in almost confirmation. “Thought not. Just wanted to be sure.” He spoke with a certainty. Like he already knew this information before you did. What vibes were you giving off here? Or was he always this confident and sure when it came to assuming others’ thoughts and feelings…

“Why?” It came out slightly more accusing than you meant it to. 

It took him a moment to answer, taking a swig of his whiskey again. You thought he was going to ignore it all together. In a way he did. “Did you know that any human who fucks a rotter in the first year of their transformation gets infected too?” 

You took a moment to let that sink in. The casualness of his tone cut with the crude language took you by surprise. You swallowed. “I did.” Everyone did. It was the largest cause of illegal turning. Even a condom wouldn’t save you. 

He scoffed in amazement. “It’s amazing how biology works, even for someone dead like me.” 

When someone described themselves as dead it never ceased to blow your mind. It was hard to believe that someone as handsome as Seokjin was rotten to the core on the inside. Black and decaying. You let a wry smile play at the corners of your mouth, replying before you took another mouthful of your drink. “This world isn’t what it used to be.” 

He didn’t bother to agree, instead taking a moment of silence before he hit you with another question. “Did you also know that we don’t have any sexual urges for a while after we’ve been turned?” 

This time it took you everything to hold it together. The shock close to becoming visible on your face. You suddenly thought of every time he had glanced your way in the past few weeks. Each smile he had given you. Just like the one he was giving you now as he waited for your reply. “I heard it varies from r-zombie to zombie.” 

You stopped yourself at the R for Rotter. Yes, he had used the word not moments before, but it was always such a grey area. Mostly used as a derogatory term, by humans—usually the older generation—who couldn’t get their small, little brains around the reality of the world today, it had become increasingly popular over the past couple of years. Now, it was just accepted. Like everything else this day and age. 

“Correct.” He continued to smile. If he noticed your slip-up he didn’t care to mention it. “This may be TMI but mine’s only recently appeared again.” Something squeezed in your gut. “A few months ago. Maybe longer. I don’t know. With work and the stress I think I ignored it for longer than I should have.” 

“Oh.” That was… Yes, it was fact all sexual desire left when first turned. Most for a couple of months, maybe a little longer. You didn’t know the ins and outs, but three years seemed steep. He was a busy man, it made sense, but… Fuck. Who were you kidding? You were just distracting yourself with nonsense now. Anything to not have to acknowledge what was really going on here. But you had to. “Not to be rude Mr. Kim, but why are you telling me this?” 

No one, and you mean no one, called him by his first name. Not anyone you knew anyway. It was easy to see him as none other than Seokjin, your Seokjin, now thinking back, but a few months ago he was just your boss with the intimating aura. The one who wouldn’t dare be interested in you. That all changed that fateful night. 

His lips curled. You couldn’t tell if he was trying to be friendly or if he was greatly amused. Maybe both. “Seokjin. Call me Seokjin.” 

You swallowed. His name felt foreign on your tongue, but you needed to press on. You needed him to confirm the hunch now coiled in your chest. “Seokjin, why are you telling this?” 

A beat of silence followed. He actually glanced away from you as he went to speak. “I’m incredibly attracted to you.” You let out a shaky breath, unsure you could say anything back even if you tried. He chuckled awkwardly. Such a human reaction. You found your heart warming. “Forgive me. I’m rusty at this.” 

He sounded way out of his depth, which was incredibly amusing for someone like him. You wondered how long he had been thinking of confessing this. How long he’d been trying… He’d taken his chance tonight. 

“You’ve noticed me staring a lot?” His eyes were back on you now. You didn’t know if you were imagining it, but the harshness of the grey had begun to soften. The coldness, warming up. 

“Yes,” you murmured. Your throat felt dry. You wouldn’t have described it as staring, but to say you hadn’t noticed would be an outright lie. 

“I just can’t take my eyes off you,” he admitted with a slight sigh. “I love watching you dance because it’s the only form of interaction I have with you.” Without realising, you squeezed your legs together. Your face was flushing, you could feel the heat prickle your skin. 

“My view gets obstructed a lot of the time, or my attention is needed elsewhere but I always try...” He cleared his throat. “I always try to admire you.” 

His words bloomed against your skin, sending a warmth all over you. Call you weak, it didn’t matter. An attractive man was complimenting you. You did not question him. He was short and to the point with his words. No sugar-coating. You admired that. 

You smirked his way, confidence washing over you. In a way, you felt like you had the upper hand here. He was the one who had confessed in uncertainty. “You should get better seats for the show.” 

His eyes widened a little in shock at your brazenness. You’d surprised him, and his mouth stretched into a grin, a bewildered laugh leaving him as his browline furrowed. It was a glorious sound. “I really don’t scare you? Disgust you?” 

“Of course not.” You replied so surely it would be difficult to doubt you. Maybe you were stupid. Maybe this was all part of his masterplan, but there was a small self-destructive part of you that didn’t even care. “Would I be working here otherwise?”

“You got me there,” he silked. Gaze holding yours. 

The most deepest of desires began to come alive inside of you. Swirling around in your gut. Desires you’d held at bay because it was laughable to think you’d ever be in with a chance with someone like him. And perhaps a larger part of you was ashamed by your longings. Kim Seokjin was a bad person by definition. It didn’t matter how charming he was. How potentially misunderstood he was, or how secretly sensitive he was. Romanticised theories that should make you sick at yourself. This was wrong, a small voice whispered furiously in the back of your head, but when had that ever stopped you? 

You hesitated but went for it anyway. It was too late. You’d made your decision. “If we’re confessing things... You’re way too pretty to be as dangerous as you are.” Half a glass of wine and you were already losing yourself. 

He cocked a black, perfectly sculpted eyebrow. “Pretty? That’s a new one.” He chuckled quietly before making a joke. “These genes come from my mom.” Such a normal thing to say. You wanted to believe he was just like anyone else. Or maybe you truly didn’t care… 

“Mr. K–Seokjin,” you corrected yourself quickly. The concept of being on first name terms would take a while to get used to. You took a breath and went for it, fingers reaching for his hand that held his whiskey. What did you have to lose? His lust for you was real. The ball was in your court. 

You circled patterns against the skin between his thumb and index finger. It was stone cold. A sensation you were still not too used to, or maybe it was because this touch meant so much more. Despite the ice, he was marble smooth. You looked at his face. True beauty. He was staring right back at you, holding his breath, waiting for you. Hunger roared inside your body now. You tried your best to keep it under control.

“I know it’s out of hours and I’m not really dressed for it anymore but... I could dance for you right now if you like?” 

You tilted your head to match your question. He copied, giving you a small smile, tone teasing when he spoke. Low and oddly soothing. “Private dances aren’t allowed.” 

“You’re the boss. You make the rules.” You watched him hesitate, mulling your suggestion over in his head. It was actually kind of cute. Had he not expected you to accept his advances so easily? 

He pulled his hand from the tumbler, his fingers gingerly reaching for yours and you clasped onto them. “Mm?” You prodded, watching him all the way. He gave you a tight nod, and that was all you needed to continue. 

Rising up from your seat and leaving your purse at the foot of the stool, he followed you as you guided him by the hand to a set of centre red plush sofas. They curled around a small table, in perfect view of the largest stage. Not two hours ago this place had been filled to the brim, this section worth a hell of a lot of money considering where it was placed, but now his club was empty, safe for you and him. The reminder sent a thrill up you. 

You slowly pushed him down to sit, hand on his chest before you let go and stood over him. A grin on your face. “Best seat in the house. No obstructed view.” 

He didn’t reply, but the look on his face was almost giddy. You spun on your feet, back to him as you slinked away, towards the centre pole, kicking off your shoes. You didn’t get much of a chance to dance with it, this place saved for the ones who had been here longer. So this was an added excitement. 

“This would be highly unprofessional in business hours,” he called after you. His laughter fizzling off when you began to lift your sweater over your head. “What are you doing?” 

You turned back to him, a shy smile on your face. “I can’t entertain you in this.” You threw the mustard knit to the floor. “Will it do?”

He scoffed. Eyes a little wide, pupils starting to blow out. “You could be in anything. I wouldn’t mind.”

You appreciated the sentiment, but you didn’t know if you agreed. You’d removed the showy lingerie you’d been wearing tonight in favour of something more comfortable; a black cotton bralette, and you still had your leggings on as you gripped the pole with both hands. It wasn’t your best outfit, but you hoped it sufficed. 

How odd it was to swing and grind in front of your boss. A man you hadn’t had anything to do with until tonight. Dancing to no music was strange, too. You had to imagine the beats and sounds in your head, praying you didn’t look too wooden, but somehow it began to feel increasingly intimate. Seokjin was a silent spectator, but it didn’t bring you a sense of unease. Excitement coursed through your veins, but you didn’t dare look at him while you moved. This was a reality you still couldn’t get your head around. 

You didn’t know how long you were at it for, lost to the soundless rhythm, but soon enough you needed to catch your breath. He was still sat where you placed him but his eyes were fully black now, trained on your figure. As if in a trance It took a moment for him to notice you had stopped. His legs were spread open, giving you a very great eyeful of his crotch. A couple of buttons on his dress shirt lied open that weren’t before. It gave him an almost bedraggled look. You say almost, because his hair was still perfectly parted at his forehead. You suddenly had the mental image of your fingers running through it, tugging at the ends as he fucked you into the very sofa he sat on. You blinked away the dirty thought, taking a few deep breaths. 

He also blinked, albeit slowly, outstretching one hand to beckon you. “Come here.” He croaked; voice thick with something that made you burn up. 

You smirked. “That’s against the rules.” Private dances were strictly forbidden. 

“Am I not the boss?” That was so. You laughed, and obeyed instantly, descending the metal steps to make your way to him. “You move exquisitely,” he complimented as you did so. His voice a little more human now. His eyes however, were anything but. Close now, inches apart, you saw the light grey that ringed the dilated pupils. It made him look unreal. Showed him for he really was. Undead. However, fear was the last thing on your mind. 

“Can I touch you?” 

“I thought you made the rules?” This back and fore only thickened the desire in the room, but you truly did appreciate his manners. That, and you really wanted him to touch you. You wanted to touch him too. 

Straddling him slowly, your knees pressing into the soft velvet of the sofa, his cold hands met your waist and you jumped in shock, giggling in reaction. He did nothing but hold on as you attempted to dance atop of him. You say attempted, because you were basically grinding on him by now. You wrapped your arms around his neck, loving the way his breathing was laboured. Chest rising and falling visibly. 

You felt his erection quickly begin to from under you, and it wasn’t long before he acknowledged it. In his own way, of course. “Forgive me for being inappropriate.” He apologised in advance. You held your breath in curiosity. “But have you ever fucked a rotter?” 

With a lack of oxygen you replied instantly. “No.” 

He swallowed. His dick twitched in his expensive slacks. “Are you opposed to it?” 

You replied with only truth, confidence and desire. “Not if you’re the one in question.” 

The noise that tore from his throat was nothing you’d ever heard before. A man starved, finally given the chance of relief. He flew at your mouth, movements hasty and rough. You gladly matched them. Everything was cold, something you weren’t used to at all. Not like this anyway. His tongue like ice ran along your own, both wet but drastic in temperature. It was a contrast that sent your nerves into overdrive. Sensitivity at its highest peak. You clung to his shoulders, rolling your palms over the thick flesh and muscle, as you moaned quite shamelessly into his mouth. 

His hands found your face, gripping you tight as he continued to kiss you furiously. You were close to burning up, heart pounding in your chest at your new reality. A groan from him puzzled your mind as he tore away. “Not here. Not yet,” he rasped, lips wet because of you. He tried to keep him distance but failed, falling into your mouth once again to taste you. “I won’t fuck you in a place like this. You deserve better than that.” 

You clung to him now, deflation beginning to drop to your gut. You were riled up, ready for him, he couldn’t take it away now. Not when he was solid between your spread legs. You gasped when he took your bottom lip between his teeth, tugging it carefully. Everyone knew the dangers of a zombies’ teeth. One false move and it was game over. The risk just seemed to turn you on all the more. You were sick. Sick for him. 

“But I want you so bad. I want to make you feel all the pleasure in the world,” he divulged. He sounded so passionate, so desperate, fresh waves of longing and need flooded your body. Heat pooled against his cock. “Will you let me do that right now? Just a little bit?” 

“Yes,” you practically exclaimed. Overcome and out of breath. You didn’t know what that request pertained but you would take anything for even the slightest bit of relief. 

You had a better understanding once you found yourself under his large, solid body. Spread out on the velvet like your tainted mind had imagined not fifteen minutes previous. He kissed down your neck, lapping at the skin like you could fill him up. A sensation that had your eyes closing, feeling powerless but loving it. Even more so when you felt him between your breasts. It was a wonderful fusion; to be boiling hot but feel his cool, marble touch all over your body. His hands roamed you, familiarising himself with the woman’s body. Every bump, curve and dip, your soft moans encouraging him, until he couldn’t take anymore. 

You pulsed when you felt his long fingers curl behind the waistband of your leggings. “Can I take these off?” He looked you straight in the eyes as he spoke, as if he was reading your face for any hesitation. There was none. You nodded firmly, a trembled ‘yes’ leaving your throat. 

He pulled you forward in one swift motion, propping you up against the plush backrests. He was out of breath, jaw slack and eyes still practically black as he crouched, beginning to tug down the black fabric, your legs thrown over one of his shoulders. You didn’t realise he’d strip you of your underwear too. You were very naked, very quickly. Your bra the only thing left. 

“Beautiful.” He uttered, eyes between your legs before he looked up at you. “You’re beautiful.” 

You smiled at him, something he couldn’t seem to be able to bear, because he was on your mouth again in a flash. He kissed you greedily, low moans escaping him in regular sequence. Spoiled, he made his way down your chest, finding the swell of your breasts to flirt between. It wasn’t long before the fabric was pulled down, one nipple in his mouth while he rubbed the other with the pad of his thumb. That had you moaning, your legs wrapping around his hips to keep him latched to you. Cramped on the sofa, cramped under his body, but loving it. Pleasure swirled and grew heavy in your stomach. Arousal beginning to pool between your legs. It wasn’t long before you were grinding yourself against his body uncontrollably, desperate for some relief down south. 

He pulled away when you began whining, teeth lightly grazing the flushed peak as he went. You gasped. Maybe it really was the danger that turned you wanton. Seokjin grinned your way as he sunk to his knees on the floor. He knew it too. He was already learning. You watched with bated breath as he spread your legs, giving him a very intimate view. You’d be self-conscious by now, maybe even uncomfortable, but not tonight. Not with him. 

You pulsed against his thumb as he touched you, and all you could do was watch as he carefully began to rub at your clitoris, feeling it engorge beneath his cold touch. You moaned softly, hips circling ever so slightly, enjoying the almost cruel pleasure. Your arousal spread, wet noises squelching under his skin, lewd in your ears. 

He looked up at you, eyes black, ringed silver grey. They made you shiver. So did his words. “Can I taste you?” His hair had become out of place, finally, falling in his eyes, and you reached for it, running the white and black strands through your fingers before nodding. 

He dived straight in, those plump, almost blue-red lips encompassing your clit. You gasped as he sucked, pushing into him and clutching his hair in your fist. His cool tongue laved you almost hesitantly at first, searching for what you liked and what made you moan, until he grew confidence. You forgot he was familiarising himself again after so long. Hazy with lust, his movements weren’t calculated. They were made with haste and a fervent urge; hands wrapping around the underside of your thighs to hold them and pull you closer. Letting him feast until his heart content. 

He only pulled away to catch his breath, minutes later, face from the nose down shining with a colourless substance. The same substance coated the heat between your legs and apex of your thighs. Probably stained the sofas too. You were sticky and burning up. Not even the the touch of his cool finger could control it as he ran the digit down your folds. He stopped at your entrance, tip pushing in slowly. You throbbed around nothing, desperate to be filled. He noticed of course, and he made to remove his rings. 

You stopped him. “Keep them on.” You’d already felt the cool metal of his rings against the inside of your thigh when he’d been enamoured with your centre and everything it had to offer. You wanted more. A hell of a lot more. 

He raised his brows in surprise, pausing before shrugging. “Anything for you.” You tried to suppress your moan as he pushed his index finger inside you, palm up, cold metal pressed against your swollen folds. He shifted closer, curling the digit against your velvet-like walls. He seemed to like the feeling, humming to himself, before he studied your face closely.  “When was the last time someone had you like this?” 

You cocked an eyebrow, smirking. “What? Like this specifically? In this bar, spread out naked on the VIP suite? Never.” 

He gave a low chuckle. It shot through your body. “You think you’re funny.” You tried snarking him back but he slipped a second finger inside you, straightening them as he went.  “No but,” he began, slowing thrusting them in and out. Your jaw grew slack as you watched him, the quietest of strained moans leaving you. “I just want to know how many people I have to contend with.” 

That made you laugh. But fine, if he was so curious. “It’s been a while. Nearly a year.” You’d been single since then, your last relationship ending badly, and hook up culture wasn’t what it was since the virus. You smirked his way. “So, no one at all.” 

“That’s great for me then.” He laughed heartily, almost as if he wasn’t three knuckles deeps inside you, and wasting no time getting intimate between your legs again. 

You came hard. Shaking all over when he finally relented his tongue. Covered in a sheen of sweat and out of breath. He continued the movement of his fingers at his leisure, looking up between your body. The tips of his hair were wet and clung together. It wasn’t him—the undead incapable of sweating—but your arousal, which he seemed to be unable to get enough of. In all honesty, it seemed it he was unable to get enough of you full stop. Still determined to please you. 

He shot his fingers deep, ripping a moan from your chest as your back curled. “You’re still sucking me in. What a greedy cunt you have.” Your burned at his crude words, squeezing around his fingers. “Do you consider yourself greedy?” He spoke low and calm, but you could hear the slight quiver to his voice. It made you feel powerful. You hated that word. Greed. But for him… It was different. 

“If it’s for a pleasure like that, then yes,” you laughed breathlessly. 

He tutted, curling his fingers along the ridges of your insides. Coaxing you. Enjoying the way your lower body contorted. “You flatter me. I would say I’ve reverted to novice status again after all these years.” 

You didn’t think so. Unless that was the reality of someone like Kim Seokjin between your legs. He got you coming so good, better than you had in a long time, so maybe it was both options shared. “Somethings you never forget,” you told him simply. 

He didn’t reply, instead rising up, kneeling on the edge of the sofa instead. You lifted your legs to accommodate him. His fingers got deeper and you tightened around them again. “I’m greedy too, you know?” He almost warned, his free hand gripping the back of your neck to tilt your head. Ice. He was speaking as he held his breath, moaning slightly when you did. “I want you to cum again. Please.” He always remembered his manners, even when impatient. 

You faltered. You didn’t know if you could. Yes, it still felt good to have him inside of you, but you were too exhausted to go again surely. He leant over your body, caging you with his solid one as he murmured into your ear. “I want the visual ingrained in my mind forever.” He snapped his wrist hard against you. The pleasure made your eyes roll back. 

“O-kay–!” You gasped out, nodding your head eagerly, gripping onto his shoulders.  It was a big fuck you to the exhaustion. You wanted to cum again too. 

Your body withstood his vicious pace, walls clamping down on him every time he thrusted into you. You were hot and sweaty again, held down by his large build, which only added to your delight. You imagined he was fucking you. Desperate for the real thing. 

“You trust me a lot,” he mused, your hands in his hair now. It was surprising to you that he let you touch it like this. You looked at him curiously, wondering what he could mean, and felt his movements slow. You realised just how hard you’d been holding your breath, gasping for it at the tiniest of reprieve. “One accidental scratch and that’s it, game over. You’re one of me.” He spoke in an almost disarming whisper. It did not frighten you. 

You moaned at the dragging of his fingers, before smiling lazily. “You’re not so foolish.” You’d already taken note that his fingernails were perfectly trimmed when you’d admired his hands at the bar. 

“Maybe not. But in other ways…” he drawled off, lips millimetres from yours. You wanted him to kiss you so bad. “I enjoyed being a fool between your legs. On my knees…” You moaned softly, enjoying his words, eyes still glued to his mouth. It moved away; your chest grew heavy in disappointment. 

“Would you get on your knees for me?” 

His question had you squeezing again. The smirk told you he felt it. “Right now?” You asked, maybe a little too eager. 

“No.” He laughed. “Not right now. Tonight is about you. But next time...” 

You took a shaky breath and nodded. “Gladly.” 

“Good girl,” he smiled at you. The praise went to your head, somewhere else too, and he let go of your neck, readjusting himself to begin picking up the pace again. You watched down your body, lifting your folded legs nearer your chest so you could have a better look at his hand as it pleasured you. His veiny forearm tensing with the force of his thrusts. You were so wet you glistened in the overhead lighting—so did the dark jewel on one of his rings—and you squelched noisily around his fingers, sucking him in over and over again. Greedy, you were. 

“Fuck.” Seokjin cursed under his breath, distracting you, and you found his eyes were locked between your legs too. Mesmerised. “Delectable, as ripe as a peach…” It didn’t take you much longer to cum again. You felt sorry to whoever would sit in the VIP lounge tomorrow night. 

Afterwards, once you’d both calmed down—you, dressed but still quite shaky, and he, now composed but hair still in disarray—he asked if you’d accompany him for dinner at his house next time he was free. You agreed quite instantly. You knew what it meant, and you needed it. Needed him. You also agreed when he insisted he’d arrange for a car to take you home that night. You had your own, but you’d had something to drink, regardless how small, and that just didn’t sit right with him. He’d get someone to drop off your vehicle the next morning. 

Before you left, he bid you goodnight with a kiss to the cheek and thanked you for a lovely night, emphasising just how much he was looking forward to dinner with you soon. Just the thought had you up for hours when you found yourself in bed, alone, but still warm and sated from your two orgasms. 

Seokjin’s house was stunning. A far cry from from your dingy apartment on the tenth floor of an ancient tower block. You were used to it now, but back then you had felt very out of place in such a beautiful home. He arranged for a car to pick you up, very much like the one that had dropped you off home four nights ago. A sleek black thing, with darkened windows. You didn’t know the name, a car was a car, but again, way out of your league. Four days was a short time in someone else’s perspective, but to you it had dragged by. Especially having to see him every night since while you danced in the club. Glances and knowing smirks just made it harder. You understood though, he was a busy man. He called you in the morning, apologising for the short notice, but he’d found a break in his schedule. If you agreed not to be at the club tonight, he could arrange dinner at his place. 

You hadn’t hesitated. Had been preparing all day. The longest soak in the bath you could manage without turning into udon. You even brought the wax strips out. Found the most elegant dress you owned in the back of your closet. A blood red, floor length piece. 

His phone call had felt very formal, but that was him all over, you had only just started finding out. You weren’t 100% sure, but the 0.1% didn’t matter… You were going to have sex together tonight. The thought made you giddy. It was only the shock of his house that distracted you as you stepped inside. Large and elegantly decorated, it did not look at all like you’d imagined. Not that you’d tried to. It was impossible to wonder what an undead mobster’s home would look like, but as a bachelor, it definitely wasn’t this. It almost seemed lonely to have just one person living here. You kept those thoughts to yourself though and let him lead you into the lounge, where, and you assumed this, a butler of some kind handed you a glass of champagne. This was not your world. 

He even had members of staff to cook for him. Food you knew for a fact belonged in michelin starred restaurants. His dining room was grand, the beautifully carved mahogany table able to fit six people. Perhaps this place was once his family home. It made sense. He sat at the head, while you were placed directly opposite him. The distance was a little unnerving, but he was able to converse in small talk exceptionally well. It was lighthearted and casual, and soon eased you up. 

You found it intriguing when he doused everything he ate in hot sauce, unable to stop yourself from giggling and he looked up, confusion etched in his features before he realised what had amused you so. You had no idea the need was that bad. 

“Nothing tastes good without a little kick,” he explained, putting the bottle down. “Even the brains.” 

You laughed. “You must go through hot sauce by the gallon.” 

He smiled before reaching for his glass of red wine. “Me being a rotter really doesn’t phase you, does it?” He still seemed to be unable to get over the surprise. 

You gave him a small shrug, picking up your cutlery. “It’s the world we live in now.” You sounded like a broken record. That was your explanation for everything. 

You waited for him to continue the conversation. There was a pause and then– “Thanks to your father.” 

You froze, an instant sense of dread filling you at the casual remark. You swallowed, looking across at Seokjin. “H-how did you know?” 

He raised a perfect eyebrow as he brought the glass to his mouth. You watched half the red liquid disappear. The clank as he put it down on the wood made you flinch, and your heart thudded as you waited for his reply. He gave you smile. It didn’t seem fully loaded. “Is that you undermining my power?” 

Whatever his intentions were you panicked regardless. “No, I just–” 

“Don’t worry, this isn’t some kind of trick. Some kind of revenge...” He interrupted with a quick chuckle. Relief flooded you. Not that you had thought such things explicitly, but Seokjin was the man he was… Your lust hadn’t made you forget that much. He had found out what you’d spent the last three years or so trying to hide after all… 

“I have brought you here to fuck.” Despite your alarm, something squeezed in your gut and pulsed between your legs at his frankness. “I’m just curious... You hide it well. Why?” 

Unsure what to do, you took a mouthful of food. The chewing letting you think for a moment. Did you really want to divulge your family affairs with him? He was a man of few words and considering what he was—dangerous and undead—you couldn’t be sure to trust his intentions. Maybe you’d made a mistake coming here. Letting his words and actions cajole you. 

“Good?” He asked, watching you eat. 

You looked at him and nodded. Wiping your face with the napkin placed on your lap you decided to give him some of the details. Not all. “It’s not something I want to be associated with.” 

Seokjin frowned. “You don’t agree?” 

You shook your head. That had come out wrong. “I don’t agree with my parents’ greed.” 

When the zombie virus had hit four years ago your father, a highly gifted scientist, had been one of the first to try and recreate it. To produce something better. For what, you didn’t quite understand. He had no desire to turn himself or his family. No, you guessed it was for the fame, the money…the glory… In the end, it took a number of people to create such a thing, but yes, he’d been one of them… Your mother had been so proud. Sick. That was still what you thought now. Turning the world into undead creatures who needed human brains to survive seemed utterly bizarre. Disturbing… But like you said, the glory seemed to be their fuel… 

You hadn’t spoke to either of them in two years and prior to that, conversations were few and far between. To cut them out of your life hadn’t been a sudden decision though. Your whole life you’d always felt like you didn’t belong. Born to the wrong family. Maybe that was a problem with you. An issue you didn’t want to give much thought about, but one thing was for certain, you didn’t think anything like them. You’d spend most of your life rebelling. Maybe you were still doing so… The club you worked at would see them foaming at the mouth. You, surrounded by the people your father helped create. And Seokjin… Seokjin was a man your parents would be horrified to see you with. That thought brought you great pleasure. 

“You don’t get along?” You shook you head in reply. Surprisingly it was enough for him. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.” Or maybe he already knew that… He probably knew everything about you. He’d been humouring you all this time. For some reason that didn’t scare you like it should’ve. It was quite reassuring to know that despite everything, you were the one he wanted. Maybe your self esteem was shot to pieces. Maybe you were just an idiot. 

You smiled. “Thanks.” 

He jerked his head towards the direction of your plate. “Let’s not get distracted for too long. Dinner is getting cold.” 

You ate with more small talk. He asked if you’d ever been out the country and when you’d replied yes, he insisted that you tell him all about Japan, like he’d never been there before. Maybe he hadn’t… You didn’t ask. In all honestly, you were positive he was trying his best to relax you again after his slight interrogation. It was endearing. 

Once dinner was done and his staff had taken the used dishes away, you suddenly remembered what was to come next. You began to feel a little out of your depth. The night at the club had happened out of the blue, but this was pre-planned. Nerves itched at your skin, just wondering how this would go down now, but that didn’t mean you weren’t excited. Giddy. 

“You really do look so beautiful tonight.” He praised quietly, admiring you from across the table. He had already told you that when he’d greeted you at his door, but you would never get enough. “I feel a little underdressed.” 

You scoffed. “You look perfect. As always.” He was always found in a suit, so his attire for tonight was nothing new. Apart from the velvet suit jacket he wore. It was fancy, something you could never imagine him gracing the club with, and the cream embroidered shirt underneath suited him beautifully. His hair tonight was swept above his forehead, accentuating his breath-taking bone structure. 

He closed his eyes as he smiled in silent thanks. When they opened you noticed they were getting darker, grey almost unnoticeable from where you sat. You suddenly thought about him between your legs. You squeezed them together under the table, trying to quell your dirty thoughts. You think he noticed, or maybe he was remembering back too.

“I’m surprised you can’t feel it,” he mused on cue. 

“Feel what?” You sounded slightly shaky. Out of breath. 

“My need for you is practically raging from my body,” he explained simply. 

Something heavy dropped into your gut. Confidence began to wash over you again. It was nice to feel this powerful. “You hide it well.” 

“Do I?” He laughed. “I must have more self control than I give myself credit for. I’ve been agitated ever since that night… Unable to stop imagining getting my hands on you again.” 

You let out a tremble of a breath. More images flew around the forefront of your mind. The coldness of his hands caressing your body. The ice of his tongue inside your mouth, against your skin, laving against your… You closed your eyes, unable to cope. He murmured your name softly. As if he was desperate for you to look his way again. You obeyed. “I’m so incredibly attracted to you.” 

You could hear your heart thudding against your ribcage. It almost felt strange, like it didn’t belong to you. When you chuckled, it didn’t sound like you either. Your lust for him was taking over. Time was nearing. “You already said, Seokjin.” You liked the sound of his name as it curled off your tongue. 

He chuckled back. “Am I boring you? I thought flattery would be first protocol.” 

You continued to laugh at his choice of words, shaking your head. “There’s no need. I’m here, aren’t I?” 

He held your stare. It was almost like he was staring inside of you. “That you are.” He sounded like he still couldn’t believe his luck. He rolled his shoulders. “Well. I can still say what I like. It’s all true. I’m not trying to manipulate you here.” You chose to believe him. “Although... You don’t look like someone who falls victim to such things.” You shrugged, playing it casual. Maybe he was correct. You’d long stopped giving men the power to get inside your mind. You hoped it would hold with Seokjin. 

“I’ll cut to the chase then.” He continued, realising you weren’t going to divulge anything that could confirm his assumptions. “One night won’t be enough. I want to enter a sexual relationship with you.” 

Your eyes widened. Surprise visible on your face no doubt. Call you naïve, maybe clueless, but that possibility hadn’t crossed your mind. A one off was all you’d imagined. Seokjin had thirsted after you for months now, it seemed. Until he couldn’t ignore it any longer. In your head, one night would have been enough for him. What was so special about you? It seemed ludicrous he’d want something permanent. Taken aback, all you could do was listen to him. 

“These,” he paused, “urges I have, they’ve been suppressed for far too long. I have curiosities. Maybe they’ve always been there, morphing with the passing months...years.” He shrugged, and you wondered why he had stifled himself for so long. You also wondered why you. Why were you so special?  “It wasn’t until I noticed you that these thoughts...fantasies, became unbearable.” 

You took his words like they were information at a business meeting. In fact, he was talking to you like such. It was strange. He was talking about imagining fucking you most probably, and here you were just nodding your head. You squeezed your legs under the table again. You were hot. Your excitement was building again and you were trying your best to control yourself. This wasn’t normal. You shouldn’t be here, but your desire for him seemed to have crept up and snaked its way around your throat. 

“I don’t want to overwhelm you but I need things to be in black and white.” 

“I understand.” 

“You do?” He raised both eyebrows in surprise. You felt powerful with the knowledge you kept proving him wrong. “Your pleasure is my utmost importance. All of my fantasies include you enjoying yourself. Rest assured. However,” he looked down at the table. Was he flustered? Feeling awkward? How unusual. “There are some things I want to indulge in that aren’t to everyone’s taste. I do not wish to trap or force you into anything. If you don’t agree, then that’s that. No hard feelings. This isn’t a sweet or romantic joining. I don’t know if I’m truly capable of that…”

You puzzled in your head. What an odd thing to say. You hadn’t so much as thought about this being anything about romance. You knew where you stood. You hoped he wasn’t assuming that’s what you thought. You’d given up on love and romance a long fucking time ago. “I don’t expect it to be,” you added, wanting it to be clear. 

He paused, smiled slightly and then chucked. “Then you understand I have this animalistic need to take you any which way I’m allowed.” He made sure your eyes were locked when he spoke. So he could see your reaction. It was hard tying to keep your expression neutral as you imagined just as he’d said. The corner of your mouth definitely twitched. Of course he saw. You could tell by the way he tried to suppress his smirk. 

“I can be patient if you need more time.” He continued. “I am very much insistent that it’s you—there is no one else—however, if you disagree or discover I bring you no joy, I expect one day I’ll find another.” You admired his honesty. “Also. Selfish of me I know, but if you agree then there must be no other sexual partners during our attachment. Please.”  “Seokjin...” You began, guessing he’d finished his proposition of sorts. 

“I know.” He interrupted before you could say anything. “This is a lot to take in. You’re overwhelmed.” 

“No,” you insisted. “I agree. I’m willing to give this a chance.” 

He let your words marinate before swallowing. “What I’ve said doesn’t scare you?” 

You scoffed. “No.” You’d already knew sex with him wouldn’t be conventional. You’d found that out from his very brazen attitude and mouth the night you were spread against the club’s VIP sofa. Your only mistake had been thinking it would be just once. You felt giddy knowing there would now be endless encounters. You craved him just like he craved you. It was a new sensation, something that had only been been simmering since you caught his eyes on you as you danced, but it was powerful and steadfast, and needed to be sated. Tonight. 

He nodded to himself, seemingly deciding then and there to start taking action. “We’ll take it slow. Learn from one another.” 

“That sounds good,” you agreed, unconsciously sitting up straighter, leaning in almost eagerly. 

“Tonight,” he hushed. “Tonight I just want to feel you. Pleasure you. To become accustomed with your body and what you like.” 

You let out a shaky breath. You could almost feel the impending pleasure running through your veins. You’d had a taste of it a few nights ago. “I feel very much the same. Tonight is just the beginning.” 

He exhaled through his nose, jaw tensed before he looked you straight in the eyes. Raising his hand he beckoned you. “Come.” You were beginning to see a pattern, and just like that you obeyed. His tastes were of the dominate kind. You would gladly listen. 

Rounding the corner you made your way over and stopped right in front of him. He scraped his chair back, making room between him and the table, and motioned you to slot in between. 

“When you said you’d get on your knees for me…” He reminded you. A suggestion of sorts. Maybe it was put that way to soften the order. 

Your eyes widened, looking at the door that lead into the kitchen. “Here?” 

“Don’t worry.” He smiled, taking your hands. “No one will will come in. They shall be leaving soon anyway. They won’t interrupt us.” 

You listened, finding yourself in his lap, dress crumpled around your middle, creasing to no end, but you couldn’t find it in you to care. Not when you could feel his erection pressing into you. You took initiative. Rising up to let your palm caress him. You’d been dying to get your hands on him ever since the night at the club. To feel him full and thick and long between your fist, in your mouth, in your– You reached to kiss him. He slipped his tongue inside your mouth like he’d been waiting for it, grunting when you gave his dick one quick squeeze. 

“Seokjin,” you breathed, lips sticky as you pulled away. “Forgive my manners. I never confessed my attraction towards you too the other night.” It was easy to let him do all the talking, but you wanted to let him know you were 100% into this because you wanted him too. It didn’t go one way. You weren’t just agreeing to this for the hell of it. 

He reached for your face, rubbing the apples of your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “No need to flatter me,” he smiled, dropping one thumb to the edge of your mouth. He tugged your bottom lip down slightly and met the tip of your tongue. “I guess my tongue did the persuading, mm?” 

You swiped across the cool flesh and pulled away with a grin. “Trust me, if there was no attraction that wouldn’t have happened.” 

He laughed, genuinely amused, before grabbing you by the hips, pulling you into his chest. “Enough chit chat. I thought you were supposed to be sucking my dick?” 

Just like the rest of him, his cock was cool. Something you had never experienced before. It was swollen, filled with blood, but ice cold. Impossible, yet here you were. Knelt between his spread legs, laving him against your tongue. You had the intense urge to please him as best you could. Show him what he’d been missing all this time and just worship the beautiful, pretty gift between his thighs. He seemed to be unable to get used to the hot, wet velvet of your mouth, eyes glued to you, watching every move you made with soundless gasps. His hands gripped the arms of the chair at first, knuckles purple, until he decided he couldn’t hold back any longer. Taking your hair in his fists, his rings cold against your scalp, he held on tight, finally letting himself moan when you slackened your jaw and slid him down your throat as far as you could take him. 

He liked it when you choked on his dick. He froze every time, digging his fingers into your scalp. He liked when you slicked him with your fist, thumb circling the sensitive slit that pooled drops of precum all over the place. He really had fought off all sexual urges for so long it seemed. You wondered if he’d even attempted to pleasure himself? It wasn’t something you were brave enough to ask, but you were brave enough for other things…

You wanted him to experience all the pleasure he’d been missing over the years, tongue pointing and going south, licking thin but long lines up and across his scrotum. He gasped, the noise choking in his throat as he jerked, chair legs screeching against the tiled floor. You shuffled closer on your knees, holding his cock tall in your hand so you could slowly suck one of his balls into your mouth, softly caressing the cool encasing with your tongue. You made sure to look him in the eyes as you did so, feeding of the reactions he gave you. His mouth fallen open in a soundless groan. 

You smirked as you pulled away, pleased with yourself, and began kissing up his length, swirling your tongue across the cool marble, pressing your plush lips in the flesh; getting him obscenely wet. His fingers found their way around the back of your neck, holding you firmly as you popped him back into your mouth, sucking intently on the head of his cock, your fist working the base of him, slick noises filling the air, mixed with his low, staccato moans. 

When you began getting lower, hallowing your cheeks to accommodate him, your tongue tracing patterns along the underside of his thickness, his hands flew to the back of your head, fingers threading through your hair to stop you. You pulled back instantly, waiting for some kind of response from him. He was close. Dangerously close. You understood that. 

“I want –” He cut himself short, voice gruff, and cleared his throat, hips jumping when you kissed the tip of his cock. He tried again, taking one hand to caress your face. “I want to cum on your face.” Your legs squeezed together. Excitement overcoming you. “Please.” He added that as an afterthought, forgetting his manners with the urge to cum. 

You smiled, slowly taking his hand from your cheek to guide it to the base of his cock, exchanging yours with his. He gripped himself tightly, and you squeezed your palm over his fist. Giving him permission with a sordid whisper. “Be my guest.” 

You waited for it on your knees, between his spread legs and watched as he raked his beautiful hand over his equally as beautiful cock. Slowly at first, exploring the pleasure and then he sped up, jerking the top in tight, quick motions, chair legs screeching across the floor again as raised up, tightening his hold on your head to keep you in place. His breathing laboured before a strangled roar left him. 

You prepared yourself, closing your eyes as you felt the first spurt hit your nose and drip down your top lip. The second flew across your left cheek. Unlike the rest of him, this substance was searing hot, shocking you so much you gasped. The third spurt, stronger, landed in your mouth. You swallowed and savoured the taste. It wasn’t over. It just kept coming, coating your face and congealing in the air, as Seokjin furiously tried to get every last drop out. Savouring the pleasure, moaning in sweet relief until he grew weak from exertion, collapsing into his seat.

You peeled your eyes open, cum glooping from your right eyebrow and onto your eyelid and watched him with awe. All that filled the dining room was his rough breaths as he tried to get a hold of himself. He ran his clean hand through his hair, strands of white falling down, and finally took a look at you. He was silent for a long time, eyes still black, the crescents of silver sending a shiver up your spine. He leaned over, pulling some of your hair behind your ear, saving it from the mess that coated your face. He looked at you with wonder and amazement in his eyes, like he was trying to retain the image of you like this forever. 

When he spoke, his voice sounded different. Softer, warmer. Weaker… “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on…” Two of his fingers ran along your bottom lip, spreading some of his cum along the way. “Like this…” He awed. “It takes my breath away.” 

He reached behind you, his embroidered napkin coming into view. The set was probably more expensive than your outfit. He began cleaning your face up, and you let him obediently, still kneeling on the hard floor. It was all worth it though. For him. For what was to come. 

When he was done, he threw the soiled cloth to the table. There was still some cum on his fingers, where he’d rubbed your lip, and he opened your mouth, dotting your tongue with the fluid before he stuck two fingers inside, holding the muscle down before he prodded you to suck them. You did so, mimicking how you had pleasured his cock, letting your tongue trail along the expanse of his rings. He groaned, the other hand cupping your face to make you look at him. He opened his mouth, sounded beside himself. “The things I want to do to you...” 

You got no sleep that night. Fucking one another until the sun began to shine through his drapes, and then some more, letting him enjoy getting familiar with the sensation again, but also feeling a pleasure like no other yourself. No man you’d ever been with had been into sex this much, and his stamina, his strength, was like nothing you’d ever experienced before. He fucked you, quite literally, to glorious, pleasure-soaked tears. Three years really hadn’t hindered his skill at all, but he blamed it on his greed, incapable of taking a compliment. Nonsense, but you soon got used to that charming personality trait… 

The weeks had rolled into months, and you continued just like that. Meeting and fucking any chance you got. It was him who called the shots. He was a busy man after all. You worked to his schedule. Fucked to his schedule, and luckily for you, you were in a position to drop work every time he called. Direct permission from the boss. 

True to his word, you took it slow. Going further and further each time until your body was trained to him. His was trained to you too. What he liked, how he liked it and when to do it. You knew how to read his moods and work with it each time you met up for sex. There was a mutual trust between the two of you, and you would give your all if it meant pleasing him, because it brought you pleasure too. 

Sex had always been just something you’d done. The guys got their rocks off and maybe if you were lucky, you’d get one orgasm, probably gifted by your own hands. Even when in love, sex hadn’t been this enjoyable nor exciting. It was all new with Seokjin. You lived for pushing yourself to the limit, finding something new and trying it. Greedy. Maybe that was the correct word, Seokjin had been right. You were greedy for one another. You’d be dammed. The desire and the pleasure you just knew you couldn’t get from anyone else. The chemistry was on a totally different level, and it just kept getting stronger. 

Seokjin did have a softer appetite though. It wasn’t all hard and extreme. That was the beauty of it. He wasn’t a one-sided dom who used you as some kind of sex toy. He was gentle and caring, even when he had you tied to his bed, blindfolded and at his mercy. Sometimes he just wanted you. Raw and passionate. An unspoken vulnerable. You think in a way, even though you would never say it to his face, he sought comfort in you. On days when he was tired or stressed, he wanted you. Only you. There was a comfort there. And you gladly obeyed. How could you not? You were flattered he chose you to share this with. Touched, in a way. 

Your bond only grew, until any awkwardness was a thing of the past. You could tease one another, joke around. It was surprising at first to find out someone like him could become embarrassed and shy when provoked about certain things. Like how he had been so formal in the beginning. He insisted it was because he was so awkward about his extended inexperience fighting head to head with the raging desire he had for you… It had sent him frenzied, until he had to do something about it. You were so glad he had…

Your relationship for the most part was left undetected. It was chosen that way, to keep things strictly professional at work, but also you suspected it was something more. He requested for you not to tell your friends or family, and the only one who knew about your arrangement on his side, was the driver who took you to and from his home. Seokjin’s line of work came with danger, and even though you didn’t voice it, you guessed that danger spread to anyone he was involved with; family, friends, lovers…

You say mostly undetected because of course there had been a slip up somewhere along the line. Working in such close proximity, perhaps you had been foolish. The club was always packed, someone was bound to pick up on it, and unluckily for you, it happened. Give you a major reality check to go with it. 

You had been involved with Seokjin for near to three months when it did, juggling nights at work and nights spent with him. More often than not, both at the same time. That night wasn’t one though. He was away from the club altogether, so you got changed at your usual pace, surrounded by the rest of the human girls as they chatted. That night rotter talk filled the dressing room. There had been one watching one of the girls, Jaeha, dancing. He’d taken a shine to her and asked her out for dinner at closing time. She’d agreed, but now she was getting doubts, some of the other girls laying uncertainties in her head. Of course the conversation had turned to sex. It always did where men were concerned. But this was different. They were talking about having sex with a zombie. It was times like these you were thankful there was separate dressing rooms for the human and undead girls. Although some would probably still carry on the conversation regardless. 

“What about you?” 

You looked up, realising that Jaeha was directing the question your way. “Hm?” You played dumb, even though you had been listening to every word of the conversation. You just didn’t want to answer. 

“What would you imagine it feels like being with a rotter?” 

You gave a small shrug, realising you had no choice now and turned away as you replied. “I don’t know.” 

“Wait. What was that?” She exclaimed excitedly and you inwardly sighed. You guess something about your body language hadn’t been believable. “You have?!” You gave another shrug but she wasn’t having any of it. “Look me in the eyes and say you haven’t!” 

You faced her again, defeated, realising you had about half a dozen other pairs of eyes looking at you too. “Fine. I have.” 

A couple others squealed. Maybe it was an age thing. You were a few years older than a handful of the girls. At twenty-two you had probably been easily excitable and naïve too. Scrap that. You definitely had been. 

“Who?!”

Shit. She really wasn’t going to drop this, was she? You were hoping admitting to it would have been enough. You did up your jeans as you dismissed her. “It doesn’t matter who. It’s just sex. No different.” 

“No different? But they’re cold,” she whined, shuddering at the thought. “Doesn’t that feel weird?” 

You opened your mouth but found yourself stuck. This conversation was making you feel uncomfortable. Thankfully, a voice came to your rescue. 

“You just get used to it.” You looked to your left to see Yeeun coming into view behind 

the group of girls. She’d been here nearly the longest, your age, maybe a year older. She kept herself to herself most of the time, but you guessed she wanted to put this conversation to rest. That, and maybe put you out of your misery. 

Jaeha turned and opened her mouth to ask more questions, but Yeeun spoke over her. “Jaeha, just make sure to be careful if you decide to go for dinner with that guy, yeah? Undead doesn’t mean he’s inherently bad but coming to a place like this should make you think. Keep your wits about you.” 

Just like she’d wanted (and you) the conversation died. Everyone left soon after that, you close behind, but Yeeun was still getting changed, distracted by her phone. You stopped by the door as an afterthought, wanting to say something to her. “Thanks,” you called, waiting for her acknowledgment. 

She slowly turned and smiled. “No problem.” You watched as she shoved her cell into her jacket pocket. “Um, you got a minute?”

You nodded, unable to guess what she wanted. She sighed, almost like she was psyching herself up. “First, this isn’t me trying to get up all in your business, alright?” You nodded again, slower this time. A sicky feeling in your stomach. “Everyone else may be clueless when it comes to who you’re fucking, but I’m not.” 

You tensed. Maybe you’d misinterpreted her motives. She was trying to put you out of your misery yes, but it ran deeper than that. She was trying to save your skin. She knew. How? You were always careful to never talk in public with Seokjin. Yet… maybe your reluctance to leave early like you used to do roused suspicion from her. Maybe she’d seen you both leave together… Foolish. You panicked, played stupid. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

She stared at you, calling your bluff. “Be careful, okay? You’re an adult, you can do whatever the hell you like, but just don’t forget who he is.” You kept quiet. There was no point denying it. “And I’m not on about him being undead. He’s...” She hesitated before deciding to go for it. “Just don’t forget he’s responsible for a lot of this city’s darkness.” 

Unexplainable anger filled you. You didn’t like being judged, but more than that, the idea of someone judging Seokjin made your blood boil. She didn’t know him like you did. How kind he was when you were alone, how gentle… He wasn’t what people described him as behind closed doors. But what was the point? You knew you couldn’t tell her that. She’d just laugh at you, tell you how deluded you were. Maybe that’s what you were scared of... That you really were deluded. In over your head… 

You watched her shrug on her jacket, her mind at ease now that she’d warned you. “You don’t have a problem working in his club though?” 

She froze before pulling out a cigarette from her pocket and chuckling. “It’s money, babe.” She placed the rolled tube in between her lips and spoke through it. “We all need it, and at the end of the day, I’m not the one fucking him.” She finished with a casual shrug. As if she had no worries. You had plenty. 

You swallowed, careful to keep your voice steady. “Well thanks for your concern. I’ll bear it in mind.” And the you left, wiping away a stray tear from your left eye. 

You didn’t tell Seokjin about what happened that night, certain that Yeeun didn’t care enough to tell anyone. She wasn’t like that, hated gossip like you. You were also worried that if he found out, he’d do something. You didn’t want her to get fired. She said she’d needed the money after all. Maybe your worry went even further than that… You didn’t know. If Seokjin was as bad as everyone seemed to think, you really didn’t know… 

So you kept it to yourself. But you couldn’t shake the exchange. Seokjin noticed there was something wrong with you instantly. You saw him two nights afterwards, seeking distraction in the only way you knew with him. Sex. He was tired after his “business trip” and you went along with it, using it as a way to explain your unusual behaviour, so the sex was quick but indulgent. Definitely needed. You clung to him because you’d missed him. You clung to him because you were beside yourself. Torn and unable to truly feel fine. You’d thought being reunited again would reassure you. But it didn’t. 

“Smoking again?” You asked him after you were done, watching him reach for the pack of cigarettes he kept on the nightstand. 

He chuckled, knowing you hated the dirty habit. The addiction. Maybe in a way you were a hypocrite. “My insides are rotten anyway. What can it do to me?” He was correct you supposed. Rotten to the core. He was untouchable. 

However, to your surprise he put them back, wrapping his arm around you like it had been. Your head on his chest, protected from the chill by a fur blanket. His temperature always seemed to get you after sex, your own levelling out. Plus with the winter months now it was harder. He wasn’t the best to cuddle with after sex, an activity that seemed to be happening more often, so you had to separate your bodies with warmth. You let silence spread over you both, lost in your own head with a whirlwind of thoughts. 

“Hey,” he prodded gently after a little while, wanting you to look at him. “You’re lying to me. You’re not tired.” You didn’t bother to deny it. He sounded hesitant when he carried on. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” 

You stayed silent for a moment. unsure how to begin, but you knew you couldn’t continue like this. You needed some type of reassurance from his mouth. Selfishly, you needed your conscience eased. You explained with a question, at least you hoped you did. “Do you like being who you are?” 

Seokjin tensed under you, his expression becoming guarded and you instantly feared you’d crossed a line. He knew you were referring to his status, not his being. Something pretty much off limits. Discussed vaguely in the beginning, your joining was never about that. Now it seemed like a forbidden subject. You understood Seokjin saw you as an escape. He didn’t want to discuss work, and you didn’t want to hear it. Yet, it was looming over you, like an ominous presence. You needed something. You could live with who he was if he was as unsure of it as you were. You were positive. He just needed to be honest with you. 

You waited patiently, and just as you resigned yourself to stone cold silence, he spoke. 

“It was handed to me. I don’t particularly have a choice. It’s all I’ve ever known.” If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that was bitterness in his tone. “My father is frail now. I don’t know how long he has left. I want to make him proud, regardless of how stupid it sounds. It’s fucked up, I know that. Especially with life as it is now.” 

You’d long given up trying to make your father proud, but you understood. Seokjin’s experiences were vastly different to yours, but you understood. His was a matter of life or death, you were sure of it. Yours was just the gradual estrangement from the people who had raised you. He confirmed the seriousness of his detriment in his next sentence. 

“There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s my life. It’s expected of me. If I refused, said no... Ran away like a coward... God knows what would happen to me.” 

Cruel of you maybe, but it was warming, reassuring to know he’d had such thoughts. Soothing to know in a lot of ways, he didn’t want this life. Selfish of you like you’d known. Trying to ease your own conscience, but here in his arms perhaps you really didn’t care. You didn’t care what Yeeun thought, what others would think if they ever found out. Your parents… None of it mattered because you knew that deep down, in his core, Seokjin was a good man. Rotten or not. He was good to you, and all that mattered. Yes, you were selfish, but you didn’t care. 

“Fuck.” He cursed quietly, voice thick with emotion before he laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. “What a world we live in. When being a motherfucking zombie is considered normal and the least of your problems.” 

You didn’t laugh along but kissed him softly. You think it stunned him, shutting him up instantly when you pulled away, until he exhaled, pulling you into another, longer, even sweeter kiss. He wrapped you in his arms tightly and you’d never felt safer. He got you onto your back, rolling on top of you, the fur separating your bodies, just, and your need for him burnt away inside your chest. 

But he pulled away before you could do anything about it, opening his mouth to say something, expression hesitant. You cupped his cold face, trying your hardest to spread some of your warmth through his body, silently encouraging him to speak. He smiled thankfully. “I didn’t choose that either, by the way. This rotter body.”

Your forehead furrowed, trying to make sense of his words. “That shocks you,” he noted. “I know why. You think I wanted this, just like everyone else.” You opened your mouth to deny it, but what was the point? You hated gossip, like you’d said so many time before, never listened to it, but you had let it sink it’s way into your mind without realising. 

Greed. You thought he was like all the rest. Seeking power. Your attraction to him overshot your distaste for the ghastly act of will, but maybe deep down, you’d hoped it wasn’t true. 

“It’s okay,” he reassured, twisting slightly to kiss the palm of your hand. Then the tips of your fingers as you sought the touch. “I know what people say about me. They’re wrong though.” 

“What happened?” You were whispering, asking without thinking. You didn’t want to pry but Seokjin had never shared this much before. You didn’t think he’d ever shared this much before. To anyone. 

“A miscellaneous deal gone wrong. I won’t bore you with the details, but I was scratched.” Your eyes widened, heart ached for him. How wrong people were. How wrong you were. “I took it in my stride, still do. I guess in some ways it helped me, in others not so much... But,” he stopped himself, letting his eyes close as he kissed your fingertips again. When he opened them the grey looked sadder than usual. “Who will follow after me? The family name gone. Although maybe that isn’t a bad thing.” He added with an afterthought, chuckling humourlessly. “I would want no kid of mine doing this. I don’t know. What I’m trying to say is, if there was ever a cure, I’d take it in a heartbeat.” Your own heart beat loudly in your chest. “Wishful thinking, right?”

You were stunned to silence now, trying to make sense of everything. You wanted to reassure him. There was adoption, he needn’t have to dwell, but then it seemed like such a human, vulnerable thing to get hurt over. It made your throat tighten, eyes well up. You had never imagined his anguish over being undead. He always seemed so casual, so put together. His human life was stolen from him cruelly and he was just left to deal with it, alone. You didn’t care if that was his by choice or not. It made sense now, that in ways he had hidden from himself, and why. He was ashamed. He wasn’t greedy, he was lost. 

“I don’t think so,” you murmured, caressing his face. “If they can mutate the disease and inject people with it, they can find an antidote.” 

He smiled sadly. “Do you think they want that? This world is a corrupt place. Everyone has their own selfish reason’s for letting this disease take over.” He was correct. A cure would never be made by any official. But there could be other options. One day. Hope wasn’t lost. 

“You can still live a normal life,” you insisted. 

“I can never age. Who would want that? Amongst other things. I have everything against me.” 

Something strong tore through your chest. It almost took your breath away, but you couldn’t voice it. You were too afraid. “I don’t think so.” You replied instead. It was hard to keep your voice stable. “What’s inside is more important.”

He chuckled sadly. “Angel, I’m rotten on the inside. Maybe on the outside too.” 

His pet name warmed your heart, always did, but his words made it weep. You swallowed, coating your dry mouth and squeezed his face, clinging to him, hoping he’d understand what you were trying to say. “Not to me.” 

He smiled, his eyes warming up and leant down to kiss you. “Thank you.” You held him close, sinking into his mouth. The cold was unnoticeable. He did understand. You could feel it in his kiss, taste it on his tongue. 

He drew back slowly, just before he lost himself entirely. He had more to say before then. “I have never felt more comfortable with anyone than I have with you. More human...” He trailed off and laughed quietly. “Even when I was one.” He kissed you once more. Like he couldn’t keep away. Hands holding the sides of your face, he lingered, your breaths mingling. 

“You care for me without judgement. That’s never happened before. I’ve never had that feeling.” 

You squeezed his wrists in silent understanding, eyes glassy. You couldn’t speak if you tried. Couldn’t let him know you felt exactly the same, in fear of bursting into tears. He understood though. Of course he did. 

And that’s where you were now. This present moment. The aftermath of such a confession only bringing you closer together. There were silent boundaries that had been made that night. Seokjin did not wish to go into detail about his days, nor did you want him to. You were at ease now, knowing you had been right about him, the others wrong. Yes, he wasn’t perfect. No one was. Yes, maybe if you knew the cold, hard facts, you wouldn’t be able to bear it, but you were happy being ignorant to that. It wasn’t greed that drove you, for Seokjin and all the pleasure he could give you. He had been wrong. You made him see that. It was a selfishness, and that was okay. It had to be. They were two different things. You were selfish for the happiness he made you feel, and likewise for him. 

For the first time in your life, you were truly happy. Felt truly understood and not judged, and so did Seokjin. Despite your different life experiences, you were the same in your hearts; yours alive, his rotten, but it didn’t matter—and that’s why you’d been so drawn to him. Twin flames in this dark, overbearing world. You knew the weight of such words, but you didn’t care. Not when you had something good, something pure, and you were clinging to it with all your might. 

As much as you had put him on a pedestal in the beginning, not quite believing he’d chosen you, wanted you. Potentially put your worth on his choice, it didn’t matter. Because he had done and felt the same. He had always been thankful you’d made the decision that you had. He was thankful that you wanted him. Still, even now. In ways, you had given him certain confidence and esteem that he’d been lacking. Similar to how he helped bloom yours too. Made you feel beautiful, sexy. It was not one sided with you two. It was real, and pure, and shared. Your admiration for one another. Your love…

Yes, this had been a simple arrangement. Sex. But it wasn’t so simple anymore. You both understood that. There would come a day when you’d have to acknowledge it, your feelings… It was potentially soon, or you could just keep hiding for a little while longer, but it would happen. Seokjin didn’t think he was capable of love after his turn. You remembered him saying something similar the first night you spent together, about romance. You knew now it was because he hated what he was. Undead. He had already lost so much of himself over the years, and to become infected only tore away more. But he was wrong. He was capable. You felt the love he gave you every day. Even if it was the silent kind. It shone from him, warmed you up when you clung to his ice cold flesh. 

So yes, you were selfish, so was he. But you didn’t care. Not when you had one another to hide behind. 

“How do you want me, Sir?” You silked the words, excitement bubbling away in the pit of your stomach. That was your little thing. What you called him sometimes. When he was in the mood for it. 

He smiled at you, but it didn’t seem to reach his eyes. You tensed, studying him almost intently now. Maybe there had been a reason he was delayed. You opened your mouth to ask if everything was okay, but he beat you to it. 

“No need for that tonight.” He sounded exhausted, beaten. You realised how terribly you’d misread the signs, feeling a little guilty as you sat up, tightening your gown over your chest. He walked over to his bureau, steps heavy on the wooden floor. Long ago had you come to accept his insistence on wearing shoes indoors, but you watched him step out of his boots now. Loosening the red tie around his neck before removing it completely. 

You waited politely for him to continue in some way. Not wanting to push an explanation for his depleted mood. He removed his rings one by one, dropping them into a glass bowl. That’s where he spoke to. “Today’s been hard. I–“ He stopped himself, unable or unwilling to go on. You wondered if you should press him. You realised keeping things bottled up like he did wasn’t good. But you were scared. Scared it could ruin things. You bit on your bottom lip, hard, stifling yourself. 

He turned to you then, a longing in his eyes. You knew that look very well. It was a yearning for you. “I just need some solace.” 

You nodded slowly, outstretching your arms for him to meet you. He rounded the corner of the bed in a few, quick strides and dove into you. His mouth finding yours in a deep, intense kiss. You wrapped your arms tightly around his shoulders, feeling him squeeze his around  your chest, like he needed to make sure you were really there. He spoke no more and that was okay. 

His mouth and tongue found your neck, kissing the skin like it could kiss back, until he ceased and held his face in the crook, hugging you tightly. You ran your fingers through his hair, unsure what else you could do. Your chest felt sad and heavy, his mood affecting you immediately. But you needed to be strong. You kissed at whatever part of his face you could reach, your turn to make him feel good. Make him feel loved. 

Somehow your lips met again, tongues slipping together, going from slow to fast. His anguish over what was unknown to you, turned into an urge to forget. An urge to bury himself so deep inside you, he’d forget the outside world. If not just for tonight. You would gladly give him that. Give yourself that. 

Your hands ran along the tops of his arms, squeezing the muscles as you went, moaning softly when his tongue slipped into your ear, the coolness sending a shiver up your spine. You quickly found the buttons of his shirt, undoing them in equal haste, revealing the expanse of his chest. His hands tugged at the tie of your gown, getting it to fall open and reveal your chest. He cupped your breasts softly, like you would break if he tried any harder and slowly got you onto your back. Your gown slipped open fully, rendering you bare to his eyes, and he let out a sweet sound of awe. He loved your body. Always had. Always would. 

You tugged where his shirt tucked into his slacks, and he ripped it from his body, desperate to get as naked as you. It wasn’t long before he was, lying atop your body, staring into your eyes as he caressed your face. His heart was beating a little faster than usual, like it did when he was aroused, yet still not that of a human heart. It never would, but it had become oddly soothing these days. 

“Not too cold?” He asked, voice thick with something that had you reaching for him, holding him close. 

You smiled. “No. I like it.” 

He returned the action, rubbing your noses together affectionately. Your heart swelled in your chest. Fit to burst. You closed your eyes and let yourself sink when his mouth began travelling your body. Your chest rising and falling visibly as he found his way between your legs, making love with his mouth. 

In fact, out of the hundreds of times you’d had sex, tonight was the closest you’d ever gotten to such an act. It just felt different. More vulnerable than ever before. Sweeter. It filled your hole body, elevated you. Took you to places you’d never been before. 

He pushed inside you slowly, indulging in your velvet warmth, and when he began to thrust it was to a tantric rhythm. Your back arched, your toes curled and all that you felt was warmth. No matter how cold his flesh was, his glow engulfed your body. You wanted it to never stop. 

“Tell me you’ll always want me,” he rasped into your ear. Silver and black eyes burning into yours when he pulled back to view you. It was the most defenceless thing he’d ever requested of you. Exposed in the darkness, you shone, giving him the confidence to plead for such a thing. 

You held his face tight, voice a hushed whisper, but it didn’t make it any less true. You didn’t know what the future held, nor what would unfold. But you were sure of one thing. There would never be a time when you didn’t want him. You were his, and he was yours. 

“Always.” 

[common-blackbird]

Started!

This is my Inquisitor (so overjoyed you can be a qunari), her name is the default Herah and I decided I’m going to approach this game by staying true to a character and not looking to do everything and be on everyone’s good side u_u

I want to make a good background for her so i’m not telling anything. Yet. I’ll just say she’s a qunari mercenary and prefers using two-handed weapons.

Highlights from today:

Studying history does pay off! This was a reference to the famous book in environmental history - Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond. So proud i recognised it x)

Also i don’t have a good shot of solas but he cracks me up so much.. The guy has a posture of the typical retired grandpa (the only thing missing is to have him walk with his hands on his back). And there’s a scene where the party sees the rift and there’s the inquisitor facing it, cassandra bracing herself and solas... just standing like an old man

On a side note, Cassandra is so gorgeous and good and i already love her, i just keep taking shots of her TAT

As for varric, it’s so different than from da2, this is so much more “official” and you can see he’s the same as ever, but you’re not hawke, hawke’s not here, the gang’s not here and there’s nothing casual about the whole situation T-T

And lastly, my inquisitor has a horse now, i didn’t know that was possible in the game ;__;

played some more...

Let  me start with.... The advisors! (+ cassandra... or is she also an advisor too?)

What a bunch. I love Cassandra’s and Leliana’s faith having a crisis bc they believe that Inquisitor is the Herald of Andraste and the way they deal with it. It’s really interesting. Leliana is completely opposite than what she was in origins and i’m surprised it doesn’t bother me at all! I love seeing this whole darker side that was only hinted at in origins, though it’s also sad when i think how she used to be. I wonder how she’s gonna overcome her doubting of faith. 

Josephine is a delight. I keep using her for almost every war table mission for now. She radiates capability. She reminds me of those bureaucrats that are super nice and helpful and chill and even if you’re doing everything wrong she’ll just smile and say “it’s ok, we can fix it” and then goes and fixes everything herself (and you feel this insane amount of gratitude you send a whole separate email to thank her for her patience and help )

As for Cullen... It’s interesting... I got impression from what i saw in the fandom that he’s supposed to have had his allegiance changed and him rejecting the templars should have been him ultimately siding with the mages (or at least being anti-templar(?)), and that turning point that could have been a great way to show his character development during the game. Which i agree, only... i did not get that impression from the game so far at all. I mean, so far everything that i can remember him saying is totally smth he’d say in da2... He didn’t leave kirkwall bc of his disappointment with the templar order, he doesn’t seem to have any issues with the templars except those who go full war mode instead of trying to balance the situation. And it’s a really chaotic situtation, i love how they did it.

This line was amazing, i wish there was a special cutscene for that.

I’m loving the way they made this huge religious organisation in crisis have a complete collapse with the death of a key figure. I love the concept of inquisition and problems that it poses. I love you can see everyone’s reasoning and doubts reflect their background, but also see why inquisition can be understood as another power-grasping organisation trying to topple the templars, the mages and the chantry. Everything is divided. We got templars leaving the chantry, seekers leaving the chantry(?), rebel mages, loyal mages, rebel mages gone rouge, templars gone rouge, and suddenly there’s another organisation forming that you can totally believe is just another powerhungry force trying to get the piece of the cake by taking advantage of the power vacuum left by the sudden lack of the religious authority. (and only we know we’re The Good Guys). I love that we have characters who need to believe in the greater plan, characters who question the greater plan, and characters who want to utilise the power of belief and characters who don’t care for divine plans. The chaos is real and it feels real. I love that the centre figure of the whole holy business is a heretic of another culture. For the chantry this is the lose-lose situation (unless the inquisitor becomes religious by the end of the game). Which is why this line works so well. 

Ok, now shorter updates:

Red Jenny! I know it’s not her actual name but it is in my head. Where’s that box i delivered ages ago >_> Anyways, she makes my brain work on 150% capacity. I can understand what she means only after i go over it for 5 times.

Forgive me but oh my god, i can’t believe that i can recognise one voice actor and now i have another mental image whenever he speaks. Like, he’s really good at bringing out a new character, but when he gets more casual he sounds like kanan jarrus from star wars rebels and i’m just “what are you doing here, space dad” ;__; Hopefully it’ll get old and i’ll be enjoying more iron bull. he seems nice...

Vivienne on the other hand is like a reverse Josephine(?) She seems insanely capable but hates customer service, however somehow she likes you very much and will do everything you need for reasons you can’t fathom. Have a screenshot. So classy. I already feel humbled.

and lastly, BREAKING NEWS: aveline finally hired carver ;__;

Tbh Kirkwall is still a mystery and i have so many questions but i don’t think i’ll get any answers... If a powervacuum of the divine cause this much chaos, how’s kirkwall faring without a new viscount? Like, yeah, aveline can keep in check, but umm it’s in a very vulnerable state which makes it a good target for any invasion... didn’t sebastian promise bloodshed?

That’s all for now, bc otherwise i’ll start writing an essay on cassandra.

We befriended a bear in the hinterlands!

lets start with this cool shot

so, i have been to the mages and to the templars and... i sided with the templars.... First i was all for mages since they offered negotiations while the seeker just walked away, but then it turned out that was a trap, there’s also tevinter mages there (which is a red flag for my inquisitor) and then there’s some time magic involved (which is a big no for me), and i just walked out. Felt bad for the mages but my inquisitor comes from a culture where mages have their tongues cut so...

Also this guy deserves a medal for putting up with corrupted superiors and annoying nobles.

And i met cole ;__; Where are Rhys and Evangeline ;___;

the templar mission was ok i guess... I was surprised that red lyrium was apparently circulating around for some time, not sure if that means since meredith or even before. I love the stories of corruption tho and to imagine what it’s like to be trapped in this organisation that just keeps breaking everything it stands for

As for the important mages, i’ve Dorian twice since i bailed out on him in Redcliffe :I I love the guy, he seems arrogant yet so kind (like, no one would have carried that annoying priest and yet he did, after he ran from his own people to warn us after i ditched him in Redcliffe? man ;A;) Every time i go with “ok the inquisitor fears tevinter and distrusts this rando who just popped in” i am marinating in guilt.

and then we fight some mages and die several times but we succeed and we meet the bad guy...

Is it an unpopular opinion to say that i like him as a villain so far? i saw so many jokes on his incompetency. Idk, i like that part where he said that he reached the fade in someone’s name, it makes me think he’s not just power-hungry person(?) who’s just evil,but was originally serving someone, and he said that the gods were either gone or corrupted and he spent hundreds of years thinking what to do with whatever happened so he seems like he knows what he’s doing and maybe(!just maybe) he is trying to fix things that are wrong but we can’t see that? And of course he hates the inquisitor, he has to redo his stuff all over again, i’d hate the inquisitor too. im probably looking too much into it. My wish is that, if he’s evil, he became so gradually, but originally had good intentions? Or there’s more to things going on that we just don’t know and he does... Maybe this was his tragic attempt to fix things but he would ultimately fail and be branded as a villain etc etc. I’m getting carried away

If it turns out he’s just evil for the sake of being evil then feel free to tell me so now so i don’t embarrass myself further with plotting myself lol.

A side note, is he the Architect? Or the same? In DA2 he says he’s a tevinter magister, right? and he ceased to be a human. Also in DA2 it seemed like he was the boss, and here he said he reached in the name of someone (probably more important than him). But what is the Architect then?

And with that we reach the skyhold.

in skyhold

I didn’t know you meet hawke so soon ;__; i thought that was like, somewere more to the end of the game, since the big decision and all. But the mission is already opened and i am going to procrastinate on it until i finish every side mission :<

Also he is so sad ;__; i understand, but at the same time... all that humour now bitter sarcasm :’(

(also, very shallow remark, but i really really prefer his looks in da2 than here... it’s like they softened him. He’s more...oh god idk bearish(???) than hawkish(????) you know what i mean? the nose isn’t as sharp anymore, the beard is... what is it with the beard... anyways i get the game has its limits so it’s fine. it’s fine! fine.)

then there was the fight that i remember since twitter >:D

It’s what made me want to play dragon age and i finally reached it T-T so good! I love how you can see the both sides and everything they say is true but they’re so angry at themselves they’re taking it out on each other TAT

Cassandra later says Hawke probably wouldn’t have joined the inquisition even if she found him, and i wonder now if that’s true... At first i thought, nah, Hawke has too much of a hero complex, he would feel too responsible to just say no. Besides, he’s with the inquisition now (tho i can’t find him anywhere anymore!). But at the same time, the way da2 ends was such an iconic walking away from everything, and not taking into account the hocus-pocus rift stuff, i can imagine him refusing, especially seeing how bitter he is now. It’s also a question of how much would have cassandra told him i guess. idk, what do you think? Would he lead or nah?

another person i want to find but can’t in skyhold are the templars with ser barris. i can use them on war table missions but otherwise they’re non-existant? i forgot to talk to him back in haven but now i wonder if it was even possible and if he was even available there, since he isn’t here. I spent hours just running around skyhold looking for the guy :(

and then everything becomes unimportant bc aaaaa!! she! is the arcanist! Dagna! im so happy and proud(?) she went and reached her goals x)

anyways that’s all for now, laters

some random updates:

so i did the halamshiral and gave up to my “stick to the character” mode, and nothing went my way, but that’s life. Met morrigan! i almost forgot she appears lol. And, despite also jumping on the wagon of give-morrigan-better-clothes train, i have to admit seeing her in her old clothes was a relief after that dress at the ball. It’s not the way the dressed looked, but the way she moved in it... god im shallow

i also initially didn’t like morrigan being at orlais court of all places, but after the conversation that’s supposed to explain why she’s there i’m kinda ok with it. I mean, i still need some more info. Wouldn’t Tevinter be better? she’d practically become a magister overnight if she got this good in the game so fast. It’s also unconvincing how everyone knows everything in orlais but somehow nobody connected that the random kid that has no bakcground whatsoever with morrigan who keeps checking on him? But at skyhold she’s just “hey i have a kid, he’s no trouble, right?”  but hey, it’s morrigan. She can do anything. I’ll just have another story idea in my head.

Then there was news of the new divine that could be either cassandra or leliana and i don’t honestly know whom to choose. I’d prefer leliana over cassandra simply bc cassandra is more of a military mind, while the position of the divine would be more political. But lately every mission with leliana was spy spy, kill kill... Do we really want that for a religious leader? On the other hand, it would nicely round up her story from origins to inquisition... But cassandra is more of a public figure than leliana is...

when cassandra said:

“I want to respect the tradition, but not fear change. I want to right the past wrongs, but not avenge them. And I have no idea if wanting any of them makes them right.”

great moment. She’s usually so convinced and rash, i forget she’s more doubtful and open minded than what she looks like. Everything about cassandra is different from the impression she gives ;__; I love her so so so so much. (when she says she considers the inquisitor her friend i melted, next time varric pulls up the “seeker has no friends” joke, my heart will no longer be breaking).

I did a bunch of personal missions. Some were cool, some were ????. Also there were war table missions with zevran, that was cool. Also i love the codex entries in skyhold. The archery competition with varric banned? Dancing lessons failing bc lace harding is on the move all the time? Perfect.

And i met chargers, i like them, and aaah that staff-bow from the trailer is such a cool idea ;A;

What i don’t get with bull’s chargers is - they’re a mercenary group right? But isn’t swordselling seen as the complete misunderstanding of the qun? I get only bull is qunari, but he’s the leader of them? How is that not frowned upon?

And lastly, i don’t think i’ve said this, but i love that they added codex entries in the loading screens. love it.

update

After months of procrastination, i have faced my fears and have met alistair. it was very anticlimatic beating 11 level monsters when i was level 21...

but.. ALISTAIR TAT He’s changed... but not changed... but changed! Like, his personality is the same, but he’s more serious, doesn’t run from responsibilities, isn’t as bitter as hawke (also, why do i get impression that i am supposed to get the impression that they’re friends? they’ve met like, once, and talked for less than a minute.. whatevs. let’s pretend they’ve met again when on the run), i really love the inquisition alistair ;;__;;

Also, i managed to get that awkward demon baby family reunion :D

 know that morrigan says the vaguest generic thing “i told him his father was a good man” bc of various world states, but i also think she’s come a long way not to mock alistair, and then when he notices that she didn’t use the opportunity he mentions that the kid changed her and she’s like “pfft, yea right, you wish”....

... when she was the one who said that in the first place ;;__;;

Awwww :> I love that they bicker but softly. Kids have grown up :’) Anyways, when will alistair start paying alimony

The only weird one is Leliana bc when morrigan was introduced she was like “danger danger” (smth i’d sooner think alistair would do), and when alistair is (supposedly) in skyhold, Leli doesn’t even mention him, only hawke.  bruh, what were they to you, you almost died together ;;__;;

oh i also slayed a dragon.  I didn’t even want to fight that dragon. It was a hillarious feat of inquisitor, solas, cole and blackwall, all on level 21, having to chug all the health potions right at the beginning while fighting a dragon that was... level 13, after which i just let go of controls and suddenly everyone was hella good at fighting and slayed it (only cole needed revival several times).  

And, befitting the wild-dream feel that it had, when i got back to skyhold and visited companions, suddenly i was drinking pelin with iron bull, and he’s reminiscing on that fight with the dragon and i’m like

it was awful and you weren’t even there.

i forgot to update

but last time i was playing i finished the hawke/alistair sacrifice and all the torture i went through with deciding whom to sacrifice vanished bc frankly, at one moment, i wanted to sacrifice both of them, but in the end it was much more easier to sacrifice hawke bc inquisition hawke just didn’t feel like hawke to me, while alistair improved since the origins!

and now i remembered why i didn’t update, in the same day cassandra rejected me so i was sad and didn’t continue playing since then (i think last time i played it was around easter?)

new update

BLACKWALL!! or should i say Thom Rainier? Wow, what an arc! It was also so fun bc i was all strict mode, picking the third option, telling him his life is in inquisitor’s hands and all that, but in the end i set him free. He’s so good, a true knight T-T

Also i romanced sera. we’ll see how that goes.

Also, fave point in the game so far, i wanted, for so long, to sit at that val roeayoux (can’t spell) cafe and finally did it with cole’s personal mission. THANK YOU COLE YOU TRULY CAN READ PEOPLE’S MINDS.

another interesting thing was that after specialising as a reaver, cassandra said that drinking dragon blood makes you grow scales and become mad. Iron Bull said that inquisitor smells better bc dragon blood and that qunari generally smell better than humans. So i’m guessing qunari have fractions of dragon in them? ok...

and now i started that mission with morrigan and the puzzles are killing me lol, i am this 👌 close to just go chase calpernia and give up on a well of sorrows.

[dearmrsawyer]

ok i am trying to just kick my own butt into gear today, everything is A LOT and i have responded to this by doing as little as one can as a physical form in the world. but i’m taking inspiration from myself because this week i successfully purchased a couple of bookcases off Gumtree (which i think is like craigslist??) and also organised for them to be transported here from Sydney by finding someone on Airtasker, and i’ve never used either of those sites before and found it all quite daunting to liaise with multiple people to get it done, but i DID it, and the bookcases arrived this morning! and SO if i could do that then i can get it together. 

i went for my lunchtime walk three days this week. the temperature is dropping but its so pleasant out in the sun, i just bought a light cardigan because its really breezy by the lake. i haven’t been doing nighttime yoga but i probably won’t, its too hard to motivate myself once the cold nights have started, maybe wherever we move won’t be such a cold house and i can try then. 

one of the areas i’m really not going well in atm is food, like i am just not preparing or planning, and whenever i talk myself into shopping i don’t prepare a list so i can’t figure out what to get and just come home with like, tomatoes and milk dfjkdk usually i’m good at improvising grocery shopping once i’m there but obviously i do not have the mental capacity for it atm! even on days i work at campus i don’t prepare anything and have to duck out in the middle of the day to buy a prepacked salad or something, and i’m not someone who buys lunch. i always always bring my own food. SO on Wednesday i forced myself to go through my recipe book and pick a few things to make over the next days of days, and wrote a very meticulous list of what i’d need, and then went shopping yesterday. Either today or this weekend i will make:

Lentil soup. My brother bought some potatoes that i don’t think he’s going to use, so i bought some lentils and will make a soup. Its such a good meal to have on hand when you have no food energy.

I bought some kale to add to the soup, but i’m going to blanch and freeze the rest of it bc its too much. I need to do this today. (Why do they only sell leafy greens by the barrel, i don’t understand who can use that much)

I made a banana bread last weekend that was SO good and i’m not sure how lol. I didn’t even stick to the recipe, which is usually pretty important when using gluten free flours, i threw in all kinds of flours that need to be used up and it turned out amazing??? I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth, and will make it again as soon as the bananas i bought are ripe enough.

Need to soak some beans. I’m still working my way through all the dried beans i bought a year ago when the panic buying happened early in the pandemic LOL. Thinking i might make quesadillas?? I can use some more kale, i also have so many gluten free tortillas, i don’t know why i have so many??

More houses to see tomorrow. and zouisfest sign ups open in a couple of days, so i need to write as much of my nouis draft as i can before then.