#if someone actually read all that i applaud you and am super sorry

[cooloddball]

JIB9 (JIBCON, 2018) ANYALYSIS-PART 1

I never know how to begin these things so let’s just dive in.

Jensen and Misha enter the stage as Alex is leaving. Jensen commends Alex and Misha whistles and Jensen says don’t hurt my ears or something. And so it begin. Misha says he regretted it [whistling] immediately.

 I’m hard of hearing you know why because I whistled. This joke didn’t land Misha. Sorry.

Jensen says “Hey” like he wants to say something to the audience but Misha does this weird thing where he runs his index finger down his nose and touches his chin.

I think this was Misha trying to communicate his disappointment that Jensen didn’t get the joke. He wanted him to get the joke. Misha e tries to find his seat so he could sit but Jensen catches on that Misha needs him so he says, “Hey what? I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.” Aww :)

Misha leans his ear closer to Jensen and says, and Jensen leans even closer and they have this back and forth banter about not hearing what the other is saying.

To mention something personal, I am usually very uncomfortable when people lean into me, I like my personal space unless it’s someone I’m really close to and even then not always will be with them getting up close and personal.. They seem okay with it so good for them I guess. Personal space who?

“I don’t understand your accent” Misha says. I don’t know if this is an inside joke because Jensen says “shut up,” playfully and they sit down.

Jensen applauds Alex and Misha whistles again and Jensen has to look away faux disappointed because they just talked about whistling. Misha!!! Stop being naughty.

Jensen even rubs his ears to show that he can’t hear properly. LOL.

That’s like super loud dude.

 I actually find it really weird when Misha and Jensen call each other dude. It sounds unnatural because Jensen often calls other men-pal, bud, or man and Misha usually uses people’s names or says my friend so and so. So maybe this is what they call each other? I know when I talk to my bf or my friends I call them dude (gn) especially when I’m shocked about something. So, it’s not a biggie. Just noting this because they do this a lot with each other.

Misha does this super cute shoulder shrug with the biggest grin on his face. How can a grown ass man be that adorable. I don’t know how he does it but well he did it and it’s adorable. No wonder Jensen wants to put him in his pocket and take him home.

“I’m compensating.” And he looks at Jensen with this shit eating grin on his face as if challenging him and it’s like Jensen looks like he can’t breathe for a second it was literally three seconds.

 “[compensating] For a lot of things that’s wow.” Jensen says. Misha keeps grinning. Of course Jensen would know what Misha is compensating for wouldn’t he?

 Should we talk about Alex?” Jensen asks looking at Misha.

Loudly “Yeah.”

“No I don’t think so.”

What did you ask how was the pantheon? 

Jesus I love their madness. They play off each other so well.

They say they are working on teaching alex to talk about inappropriate things.  Side note: It’s funny though because Alex looks like their love child. He looks like Misha, and to some extent Jensen, his hair, sense of style and even the way he carries himself is all Jensen. So weird. What if –What if---nvm.

Jensen mentions he remembers his first season of spn. Misha looks at Jensen and says no you don’t [remember] and Jensen agrees that he doesn’t. Yes finish each other’s sentences why don’t you? He says he doesn’t remember that far back and Misha has this far away look as if he is trying to remember something and starts laughing and Jensen has this smirk on his face. IDK what is going on but these are moments I wish I could read minds.

The way Jensen is looking at Misha though.

So Misha mentions how Jared pranked Alex during the tattoo scene of s13x02. The moment Misha mentions Jared, Jensen stops smiling.

Knowing what we know now about the fallout I want to mention something. When Misha talks about Jared and his prank on Alex Jensen doesn’t seem too enthusiastic about that. Hmm and he circles back to talk about Alex then he calls Jared a toddler? But Misha makes it sound like Jensen was referring to Alex by saying easy prey . 

Misha shows the face Alex makes when they are on set together because of the pranks and the jokes.

Jensen adds, “Do you know how many times I’ve seen you do that?”+  Jensen is so excited. I mean anyone who says this is PR then they are crazy. You can’t fake emotions like that no matter how good of an actor you are.

‘The way Jensen calls Misha ‘this one’ It sounds so couply. Like when one half of a couple says, “this one is always a crying mess when we watch the notebook” or something akin to that. Any that’s just how I interpreted it, I could be wrong.

And this is how Misha is looking at Jensen when he says “this one”

That moment when Misha touches the back of Jensen’s neck and Jensen touches his thigh and they think it’s too gay because because Jensen acts like he just touched dirt and Misha brushes off his thigh and smells it. Now that’s acting.

Jensen checks Misha out (he specifically looks at Misha’s arms) and then asks “how’re you doing bud?”

Misha says good and that cringe moment about clothes sharing starts and oh I can’t look…okay I had to look  because cringe. But the way Jensen is looking at Misha is giving me the courage to and also I had to for the sake of this analysis I had to look.

“This morning Jensen was like, ‘hey, here’s that shirt you wanna borrow that shirt to wear to the convention today and I was like ‘no dude I’m not wearing your shirt to the convention to the convention’ and he’s [Jensen] like don’t worry it still has tags on it it’s fine. And I’m like no thanks , I’m not gonna wear your fucking shirt to the convention. And then at lunch I spilled salad dressing all over my shirt like sweet so thanks for the shirt.”

The whole time Misha is telling the story he’s not looking at Jensen he’s looking at the crowd. Jensen on the other hand is checking Misha out while biting his bottom lip. There’s a lot to unpack here.

Jensen:  ‘I knew. Umm..”

Misha:  “You are like Misha didn’t bring his bib today so…”

Jensen:  “He didn’t bring his bib? We are probably having you know some pretty----no I was literally have a shirt that I brought that…cause I try to wear something new for every time there are pictures being taken of me just cause that’s the culture we live in now…”

Interrupting moose enters.

*I will do a comprehensive analysis on the clothes sharing confessions, lies and half truths in another post. Boy (gn) do I have tea.”

I think when Jared is giving Jensen the balloons Jensen asks him if Daniela or someone else sent him to join them but I think he came of his own volition.

Jared is asking Jensen to untie a balloon for him but Jensen doesn’t look too thrilled

Misha must’ve noticed the tension between those two so he asks, “how good a knot did you tie?” 

Jensen’s like, “You know what? I tie a knot that a professional knows how to tie.” Okay kinky, tell us more about knots Jensen. (Sorry for this but knowing the A/B/O or rather the Omegaverse was started because of Jensen and now he’s  talking about tying a knot and…you know what nvm)

Misha pretends that what Jensen is saying is sus so he and Jared have a back and forth wondering what Jensen is talking about as Jensen unties the balloons. Yeah sure Misha like he hasn’t tied …you know what? This is getting uncomfortable even for me. Can we move on?

But Jensen won’t let me move on because he’s like, “seriously that’s how you tie a knot.” Of course you’d know sir

Jared adds, “Or it’s not” can someone shut this man up, please.

Jensen doesn’t like his friend’s joke and he has something to say about it,  “Did he have to join us?” Was this a joke? Was it serious? Who knows but recent events seem to suggest that he might’ve been serious but made it look like a joke.

Jared asks for one balloon and Misha tries to reach for one but Jensen keeps pulling them away so Misha can’t reach. This is so playful and adorable. Misha snags one finally then gives it to Jared. One flies away and he tries to reach for it but he’s not tall enough. 

“Do you want some help?”  Jared asks and laughs then Misha gives him the finger. 

Jensen gets grumpy after Daniela brings Misha a colourless balloon so he hits it with his microphone then he hits his and  sits on it and pops it. Fuck that was hot for some weird reason. I could watch him pop balloons all day.

Misha and Jared’s reaction when Jensen sits on the balloon.

Misha tries Miserably to pop his, Jared can’t look, Jensen is still grumpy but the more Misha struggles the happier Jensen gets and he even manages a smile.

This was hilarious though. Their face journeys.

Jared brings a watermelon and gives it to Misha but Jensen slaps it out of his hands and shows he doesn’t want him to do it from the way he’s waving his hand.

The only thing Jensen wants Misha to wrap his legs around is his waist, or his neck or shoulders or whatever. I don’t know which method of wrestling they prefer, I’m not a professional wrestler I mean I’ve watched WWE a few times but-

Jensen seems happy, I don’t know what Misha says to him before he sits but Jensen seems okay until…

Jared hands Misha the pink balloon holder and says, “You gonna want this for later,” 

Misha doesn’t look too happy about it either but he’s always a good sport. Poor guy, so he plays a long and looks at the holder which interestingly is pink and phallic. I know Jared was joking and yeah the joke wasn’t that funny but Jensen is super pissed because he asks, “Is he?” looking at the balloon holder.

Jesus Jensen wtf? But I honestly understand him, I mean why would Misha need that weird cheap plastic thing when there was the real thing waiting someone in a pair of Levis.

Jensen says, “well… some parts of this”  I can’t quite make out what he says.

Misha tries to make it a light moment by saying it looks like something horrible happened and that gets Jensen to laugh and then Misha bends over to uh..to drop the melon and the phallic object and Jensen’s eyes shoot right down the citrusy-juicy stone fruit goodness. He catches himself looks away and then looks at the crowd while chewing on his bottom lip.

Okay sexual jokes are fun but not every time Jared. I mean c’mon, not everything is a gay sex joke. This is the one thing that sells him out as a straight dude. He makes way too many gay sex jokes it’s not even funny.

They have this weird back and forth about Jared having some notes. Argh. It’s weird. It’s like they are fighting. You see how girls fight and act like like they aren’t fighting but you can sense the seething anger in the undertones of their voices? That’s the vibe I get here. Even Misha is confused because he keeps looking between the two wondering why notes are so important of a discussion that warrants a back and forth. Or maybe it’s just me. IDK.

Misha has to jump in and save the day “He’s [Jared] is just looking through for pictures] Misha explaining to Jensen why Jared has to read the script forty times while Jensen only reads it once.  WTF is going on boys? You were doing so well before and now things seem totally awkward *cough*fallout*cough*

Jensen looks totally done like he wants to be anywhere but here, seriously look at him.

It gets so awkward so much so that Misha has to prompt a fan to ask a question. As I said earlier, no one is such a great actor to fake emotions. Jensen keeps proving my theory. Something was going on with j/2 that day and no matter how hard they tried to mask it, it came out and it wasn’t pretty. Then again, maybe it’s just me and nothing was going on.

A fan asks how they like stories to end and  before he can answer, Misha quickly glances at Jensen then goes ahead and explains how he likes the story to leave him on a cliffhanger.

Misha has barely finished talking before Jensen chimes in with a “I Do NOT!” Look at Jared’s and Misha’s faces. Something was clearly going on and I think it had something to do with the show because Jensen didn’t seem okay since Jared came on stage. He says how he wants a finality to things otherwise jerks. They were clearly talking about the show, Jensen, for a good actor you are acting really weird. It is about the show because he says, “we are just dead”  Something very weird was going on. Maybe at this time they already had had their meeting with TPTB in LA and he was told to take it or leave it and Jared and Kripke didn’t even hear him out. My poor baby, Do all the spin offs King and you should star in all of them like you deserve.

He even says that spn dying is not a finality. He looks super pissed. What did these people (Jared and tptb) do to him? They broke him. He was doing so well.

Luckily a fan asks them if they can dance so Jensen goes to the wheel and Misha gets up. I think he knows Jensen is angry and he has to try to make his man happy the best way he can. Jared is suffering from second hand embarrassment as am I. Jared can’t look, same Jared this is so cringe. But Jensen can’t help himself, as he is coming back from spinning the wheel he checks out Misha’s citrusy-juicy goodness again 🍑

Misha please stop. I love you but this is embarrassing. Okay so let me look at Jensen instead. He looks like those gentlemen waiting for the debutantes at a debutante ball because of the way he’s standing looking at Misha dance. Subtle sir. Very subtle. I mean if my friend was dancing like that I’d be laughing at them not watching longingly. Just saying, but that’s just me.

The way Misha looks at Jensen and starts rolling his hips. Sirs, can you not do your mating dance in public? There are children in the audience. 

Even the way Jensen cues in the music so he can dance looks like he’s in the Victorian era asking the music master to play the song he asked to be cued in so he could dance with his sweetheart or something. Am I going crazy? I’m going crazy.

The whole dancing scene was just cringe.

Mish explaining what Castiel does when the boys go to sleep 

Hold on, when Jensen asks what Castiel does when the Sam and Dean are asleep in their respective bedrooms, he made sure to emphasize respective bedrooms and we all know the reason why. Stay speaking facts king.

Anyway, when he asks Misha to demonstrate for us what Cas does, did he expect that Cas stands there peeping into Dean’s room and wanks or what did he expect? Honestly I’m just curious, what did he want Misha to demonstrate exactly.

Then he gets up to demonstrate it himself . 

When Misha says that the episode will be called ‘I’ll just wait here ten” Jensen unicorn laughs and when he realizes he was laughing to hard at Misha’s joke he says, ”I don’t get it.” Yeah sure Jensen it was clear from how hard you laughing to the point where we could see your tonsils that you didn’t get it. Good one. Misha maintains a serious face and even shakes his head.

A fan asks Misha what Castiel would have in his room. Misha says just a bunch of catnip. I don’t know what is so funny again that it warrants Jensen to hide his face because he’s trying not to laugh too hard. Does the word catnip or Cas being a cat mean something to you? Is it because Misha is cute like a kitten? Do love to rub his tum and hear him purr? Does he rub his nose along your beard like a cat would? What is so funny?

Then Jensen adds, “and kitty litter.” So adorable. I want in on the inside joke.

Misha says that he would have a poster of a cat hanging from a tree that says, “Hey it’s Monday” and Jensen laughs so hard. Then Jensen makes sure to add, “he has that poster in his trailer.” How do you know?

Why are these two dorks so happy about the mention of AU Cas? 

Then the way Jensen is excited about asking Misha for a demonstration of AU Cas 

 WTF am I watching? Help. But the eye fuck and the way the laugh.

Look how hard Jensen is laughing when Misha says what went through his head is that “they met at a club.” Pray for Jensen. He needs help. Serious help because no one is ever that funny all the time Jensen.

You can see how Jensen’s mood changed after Jared said that is the best acting he has ever seen Misha do. Jared seriously read the room. That part of the video has been discussed before so I won’t get into that.

The way Jensen’s eyes widen when Jared says Misha really wants to answer the who is your rock question. It is subtle but it happens. He also raises his eyebrows  as if to say “really? leave my husband alone.”

Okay did Jared expect Misha to say Jensen was his rock or??

Jensen is acting weird through Misha’s answer. He’s mostly stoic, like he’s holding his breath? Can I also mention how handsome Misha looks? But I like Misha’s answer and it’s so beautiful that he married his best friend. Everyone who wants to get married should marry their best friend. What do I know though? Marriage is a foreign concept to me.

Jensen asks how many mothers there are in the audience.

Jared carries on with “how many of us have mothers?

Misha: That’s quite an impressive turn out. So many people didn’t raise their hands.

“They are like no I was genetically engineered in a lab.” Okay hear me out. Jensen knows what you know who believe that  his kids and Jared’s kids were made in a lab because they couldn’t stand to copulate with their wives because of how much they hate them because Jared is his on true love. If you didn’t know this I’m sorry to divulge this disgusting piece of information to you but you can’t unsee it now so you are welcome. I swear I think this was a jab at them, no one can convince me otherwise.

Even Jared and Misha’s reaction to that is pretty telling. Then Jensen adds “And some of you probably were” I think he means those soulless fans who send their wives and kids threats and also hate on Misha every chance they get. Go off king.

He talks about how his wife is also his rock aww Jensen

Remember how Jensen was being weird during Misha’s answer? Misha is being weird as well, mostly stoic and looking at a fixed spot on the ground. I want to know what was so interesting.

Oh that micro expression from Jared, his right eye widens the moment Jensen says “I have some amazing pebbles in my life.” Did he think Jensen was going to out himself? He was like oh shit oh sit it’s happening.

The glee on Misha’s face when when Jensen calls him a pebble aww Jensen.

I know what I’m about to say is controversial but I think that by pebbles Jensen meant Misha. It doesn’t make sense that he was comparing his wife and his friends. The only person he would relate his wife to is his husband. I know this sounds crazy and people will definitely not be happy about this but that’s my opinion.I I know he loves Jared and he is his bro for life  so if he was referring to them both wouldn’t he have pointed to them both?

Jared talks about how sometimes he doesn’t want to burden the people he really loves with what’s on his mind all the time and Jensen points to himself in a very aggressive way. Jesus Jensen way to be subtle. Fuck. Also Jensen nods vigorously when Jared says look for your pebbles because sometimes pebbles are what you need to get back to your rock.

It’s time to sing a hbd song and when Misha asks Jared “did you volunteer for this?” That’s when Jensen places his hand on Misha’s knee and says “I got it” He’s like, babe seriously? You are gonna ask Jared to sing when you know I got the voice for it? Seriously? I’m right here babe. I sing to you every night and you gonna do me like this? I got this and you are mine.

He caresses that leg and gets very comfortable on it, draping his arm from the elbow down on it. Possessive much? It’s clearly not the first time he has parched on that leg. The hand was on that leg for 1 minute and 15 seconds. Yes, I counted.

The intimate way in which Jensen and Misha they are seated is so awkward that Jared scoots away from them.

 Damn, son. Jensen’s vocals are out of this world. So good.

Jesus Jared “Deeper, deeper feel it” Is that what they were screaming through the hotel walls last night? Tell us more.

Misha is so uncomfortable and Jensen is so done.

So overall this part was basically cockles being cockles, Jensen being possessive of Misha, Jared being Jared, Jensen being done, the girls are fighting and Misha is the referee. 

That’s the end of part 1.

Part 2

[adam-banks2024]

Deja Vu

Part 1

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Kind of angst for now, backstory, arguments, and extremely slow burn. Also future poly

He’s insufferable

He’s arrogant. He’s rude. He’s annoying.

He is insufferable.

And I have to deal with him.

Of all the people Mrs. Moore could have partnered me with, she just had to choose him. It’s not like we even put a show on in public, and it’s sad but, everybody knows about the feud between us that started four years ago. 

I had just moved to town from three states over, and I didn’t know anyone my age. After a few weeks of summer went by of not knowing anyone, my dad convinced me to join the district’s hockey team. He told me that it was because he wanted me to make some friends, but I knew that he really just couldn’t afford to pay a babysitter. And my mother, well, she wasn’t in the picture. So I ended up having to go through the lost and found at six different ice rinks in Minnesota in order to get all of my equipment. At first, I was wary of the idea, but my dad said that it was kind of like shopping, so I agreed to go with him. Originally, we would have only had to search five rinks, but I couldn’t find any skates that were my size. After almost twelve hours of rummaging through sweaty pads and broken sticks, I had myself a full set of hockey gear.

Now I was on to the next challenge: How To Skate. I had been ice skating a couple of times before for birthday parties, but I’ve never been able to skate at the level that I had to in order to survive during an entire hockey game. I thought maybe it would just come to me naturally after attending a few practices. Until I did some research at the school library. Apparently, it takes a person at least two months to learn how to ice skate. But ignoring the negative, I decided to focus on the positive. ‘I could at least balance myself...and besides, I probably would be on the bench for every game...and just remember, you’re doing this for friends.’ These were the only three things that ran through my mind on the way to the ice rink. I was honestly terrified. I was scared that the other kids would make fun of me, or worse, ignore me. Well, maybe being made fun of is worse, but at least then they’d acknowledge me. I had to stop myself from thinking about that kinda stuff. I haven’t even attended a single hockey practice yet, and now I’ve added at least four more stressors into my life.

When my dad pulled up to the building, my stomach was tingling. My hands were clammy, and my eyebags had definitely seen better days. I wanted to run so fast away from this place, and not move at all at the same time.

“Nerves,” my dad said. He must’ve noticed from my frozen state in the backseat of his minivan. “You’ll do great! Just don’t break any bones.” He chuckled at the end in hopes that it would come off as a joke, but that is definitely not how it sounded.

To my surprise, I was the first kid that had arrived. I didn’t know much about the team, but I did know that most of the other kids had been on it since they were five or six years old. I was almost the exact opposite, thirteen and just starting. I wasn’t really sure why I was the first person to arrive, and it only added to my nervousness. 

I tried to brush it off as I saw someone outside in the parking lot leave a car holding a bag like you had. I could hear his muffled voice. “I’ll see you at six.” Whoever he was talking to must have responded because the boy spoke again, “yup, love you too.” A parent maybe. A mom? I could faintly make out a silhouette in the driver’s seat, but the glare from the sun blocked most of the car window.

Thank god someone else was here because at least now I knew that I was in the right place. But another problem arose. Now, different things were rushing through my head about what to say to the other boy. Should I make a joke, ask a question? Simply say ‘hello’? I didn’t know. So, I decided to settle on the most stupid thing anyone could ever say. 

“Are you on the hockey team?” What kind of question is that? He has a bag, this time is cut out specifically for hickey practice, and he has a hockey stick with him. Why else would he be here?

He looked up from where he was walking and stared at me awkwardly. It was likely that he wouldn’t have even noticed me if I hadn’t said anything to him. But I did. Which I regretted.

“Oh, um, yeah.” He went to keep on walking but he stopped himself quickly. “Are you?”

I had to keep a laugh in because the boy looked genuinely confused. Or maybe I misjudged that for concern. Still, though, it sounded a bit hopeful. This kid was really hard to read. Either way, I was pretty sure that he thought I couldn’t play hockey.

“Yeah. My dad made me join to make some friends.” 

Suddenly the boy’s demeanor changed. He seemed almost excited that there was a new kid on the team. “Well, I’ll be your first friend. My name’s Adam. Adam Banks. Walk and talk.” And then he started towards two big double doors.

My eyebrows rose at the sudden confidence, taken off guard, but at least he was being friendly. I adjusted your bags and followed right behind him. “So what’s it like here.”

He answered after struggling to open one of the doors, “Well it’s not so bad. It’s super cutthroat during the regular season but in the offseason, it’s pretty relaxed.” As I made myself around the outside of the rink, he kept rambling. “Especially during summer league. The kids who only play during that league have it nice. You’ll definitely survive.”

“Um, so what happens during the regular season?” The thought of angry yelling coaches wasn’t appealing to me, but I could make it work

Adam shrugged his bag up so it wouldn’t fall from his shoulder, “Well. Usually, coach yells at us, tells us that if we don’t win we’re failures, and everyone is constantly fighting to be a starter.” There was silence. “So that’s fun.” I just nodded my head, trying to take this all in. Adam didn’t say anything until he reached the locker room doors. Then he turned to me. “Yeah, but coach is a lot less lenient during summer because it doesn’t really matter for playoffs.”

I scoffed, “yeah, but I’ll eventually have to deal with him. Right?”

Adam’s expression flattened, “Wait, you’re doing winter league too?” He looked genuinely concerned, and now I was second-guessing joining hockey. If this boy didn’t think I could survive, then how could I? Even if I was just gonna sit on the bench, the way this kid was making it out to be was not sounding like the greatest way to make friends.

“Well, yeah. Is that bad?” I needed to hear him say it. Say that I should quit, or join dance, or something. Just so I could have an excuse to tell my dad in case the first day of practice goes awry.

He spoke fast, “Oh no, no. It’s just that--” 

“That I’m not good enough…”

He didn’t say anything. Harsh. I was just trying to make a joke but, I guess that’s what he was really thinking. We stood in silence for a few more seconds, and then he finally thought of something to respond with.

“No. I just feel like you’ll get hurt… and, um.”

I started to laugh. I applaud Adam for trying to make it seem like he didn’t think I was bad, but he just couldn’t do it. “Don’t sweat it, I know I’m gonna be bad.” He started to laugh with me. “Hey, at least I’ll get abs out of it.” 

He and I were actually pretty good friends for the most part. He was my first friend here in Minnesota. He taught me how to skate, and in turn, I offered him some sub-par jokes. He always used to laugh at my jokes even if they were awful. He was what I considered my best friend. He definitely wasn’t a best friend, I couldn’t confide in all of my secrets, and he couldn’t do the same to me, but Adam was the only kid I was friends with. We laughed hard, we fell on the ice together. He even told his mom that practices started to end later just so he could wait with me until my dad got off work and picked me up. 

Not long after we bonded, I hato the ducks. At the time, I didn’t know exactly what happened. All my dad said to me was something about how the coach wasn’t that nice, and that he didn’t want me on his team. I didn’t really care since hockey wasn’t something that I cared about too much. So I said goodbye to Adam and explained that I had to go. I didn’t say anything about the coach-not-liking-me part because then I thought he’d feel bad for me.

“Yeah, I’m supposed to switch teams too, but I think my dads’ gonna see if I can stay on the team.” He spoke almost as if he was trying to convince himself. I thought it was a great idea to tell him why he had to go to the ducks.

“They don’t want you, Adam. Maybe if you go to the ducks, you’ll get a coach who appreciates you.” I didn’t know what was wrong with what I said to him until about a year later, but by the time I finished my sentence, he was fuming.

The situation afterward was a blur, and I can’t remember what all was said. I just remember Adam touching on the fact how I’m an awful hockey player, and that he only talked to me because he felt sorry for me. Now, if my old coach had told me that I was awful at hockey, I’d be completely fine. I already knew that, and coach is just...coach. But hearing it come from Adam? It wasn’t like he was just telling me how it is, he wanted to hurt me.

It took me two weeks to stop thinking about the situation constantly, and then it started to fade away. I never even told him the real reason why I told him what I did, but now I have to work on a history project with him. How am I gonna do that if I can’t even tell him the reason for our quarrel that we had three years ago? Let alone complete a whole project?

“The syllabus will be given tomorrow, and the deadline for this project will be written under the ‘AP History’ bulletin. You may get to work.”

I slumped out of my desk and started putting away my things that were on the table attachment. During this, I tried to think of what I was going to say when I went over to him. I almost decided on either trying to make a truce or just acting like he didn’t exist.

He was slouched in his desk, pencil in hand, avoiding eye contact with me. As I sat down my stuff on an empty desk near him, his words startled me. “So, 50/50?”

I just stared at him. For some reason, my brain could not process what Adam had just said. It took a solid four seconds for me to respond. “I don’t understand.”

Adam’s eyebrows rose while his eyes rolled, “Of course you don’t.”

I scoffed, “What, you’re just gonna say some numbers and you think I’m gonna understand what you’re trying to say?”

He was leaning forward in his desk now, “Well you seemed to be doing well in calculus, so, yes.” A small, mocking smile was now gracing his face. 

I took in a deep breath to try and refrain from spewing whatever profanities came to mind. “Look, can we just set aside whatever this is so we can do this project?” He crossed his arms in response. “C’mon, I can’t afford to get a bad grade.” Still no response. If his goal was to ruin my life, he sure was on the right path. 

“What do I get out of it?”

The audacity.

“I’m just saying. I’ll be fine with one bad grade, so what exactly is the payoff for tolerating...you?”

So there was a shiny glimmer of hope, but it would definitely come at a cost. “Anything. Anything you want. Just please, tolerate me.”

He brought a hand to his chin, acting like he was pondering his choice, “but will it really be anything?”

“Oh my god, you are so annoying.”

“Watch it.” His voice was stern.

“Okay, okay. Sorry. But yes, anything. You name it.”

Did he even know what he wanted? Or was he just trying to play this out? Either way, I’m about to have a conniption if we don’t start working on this project soon.

We sat in silence for what felt like forever. Of course, Adam had to change his thinking position almost every second, until he decided on what he wanted. “Okay, here’s the deal. I help you get your precious little A, and you have to get me a date with Charlie.”

[janeyseymour]

I saw the second preview of six and here are my thoughts (along with a few fun stories at the end):

My heart literally fell out of my ass when the queens started walking out They changed a few small little things here and there and it was perfect If six doesn’t win best lighting at the Tony’s I will sue Ex-wives was WOW I literally could not stop smiling Some of the poses were different 

ADRIANNA FREAKING NAILED NO WAY

I am convinced she just is beyonce always

She’s just fantastic in that role and that’s what I have to say about that

Ig abby danced a little too hard during no way because she kept messing with her wig after

Actually she lowkey played with it throughout the whole show and it was adorbs

Britt was helping her fix it and like pointing out where it was a little cray (also abby’s wig looks so good omf)

ANDREA IS- WOAH DURING DLYH

Her delivery throughout the whole show was a bit more mature, but it was still so babey I love her

(On a side note someone today told me I look like Andrea, which is very kind but so untrue because I literally look like a broken thumb and she is gorgeous)

Her “IM NOT SORRY” was amAZING

She like low-key cut made the whole head joke short and im kinda sad ab it, but it was still fantastique

Through the “Wearing Yellow To A Funeral Bit” abby looked confused through the entire thing and I was cracking up

HEART OF STONE HOLY SHIT

She was INCREDIBLE and her dress was so pretty and sparkly and I just wow 

Shes just so pretty in general like ma’am how do you do that please drop the skin care routine 

The emotion that was conveyed was enough to make me tear up BUT I DID NOT CRY AND I AM VERY PROUD OF THAT 

she did the “you lift me high” line and kinda went into this airy place in her voice and it was angelic and heavenly and all the good things

HER RIFFS WERE JUST DFJDHJLFH

She was just fantastic and thats all I have to say 

Thats a lie I have so many things to say about that woman but the time will come

HOH was a whole acid trip there was a point during this song where I literally just took it all in and then thought “Janey, you really spent your hard earned money to go on an acid trip for a solid few minutes good job”

Their dancing is hilarious and thats that

ABBY SAYING “BUT WE CANNOT GUARANTEE THAT YOU’LL STILL WALK AT FORTY” I had to stifle a laugh because my queen is indeed 40

THE GERMAN ACCENTS HAD ME QUAKING

Brittney Mack is… all bad bitch energy and I was living for it

She is a queen

When she did the “my horses can trot up to twelve miles an hour”- in the boot (not that I watch those…) abby is always making a 😳😶😲 kind of face and this time she just couldn’t stop smiling and it made me laugh

WOOF

Her reveal was SO GOOD she literally just started checking out her nails while everyone just applauded… AS THEY SHOULD

When britt told the person to get up, this person full on WENT and britt was like shook it was hysterical

THE INTERLUDE BETWEEN GET DOWN AND THEN KAT’S ROAST WAS ICONIQUE

i dont think it was here but I cant remember where it was but BRITT WAS PLAYING WITH ABBY’S WIG AND IT WAS REALLY CUTE SHE WAS LIKE PLAYING WITH THE ENDS OF IT AND AWH

justice for the beheaded cousins 

BOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO BABY MARY HAD THE CHICKEN POX AND YOU DIDN’T GET TO HOLD HER HAND… YOU KNOW ITS FUNNY BECAUSE WHEN I WANTED TO HOLD MY NEWBORN SON…. IIIIII DIIIIIIEDD. Abby lowkey went feral and I loved every second of it and then her pose after got so many laughs it was truly amazing

THE K HOWARD ROAST WAS JUST SO GOOD IT WAS SO GOOD

Aywd destroyed me

I also teared up here but I did not let those babies fall because I was not about to ruin my look

justice for my pink queen

Her delivery is insane and honestly its gotten better and I didn’t even know that was possible because WOW SHE WAS ALREADY STUNNING BUT DAMN MY HEART GOT RIPPED OUT OF MY CHEST

The whole “Catherine not singing” bit was fantastic

Abby looked so confused the entire time 

Andrea’s “hahaha what” was perfecto 

when Anna said “should we really be doing this” someone in the audience went “yes” very loudly and made the queens break for a solid second abby almost forgot to say her line and you could barely hear it because the audience was laughing at the rando 

Anna acknowledged it and just went “I know” before turning to the queens and saying “I know” it was hysterical 

“I’m Catherine parr, I draw the line in arbitrary places bLaH bLaH bLaH”

THE CLAPPING- BRITT GOT IN HER FACE AND JUST *CLAP. CLAP. CLAP.”  It was the funniest thing oh my gosh

“Are you sure Catherine? I-we don’t mind if you wanna sit this one out… I mean you must be exhausted from all those backing vocals”

IDNYL WAS INSANE AND ANNA UZELE IS WICKED TALENTED LIKE DANG

I dont know if this was intentional or not but when they all start to understand the purpose of parr’s thing- abby is the last to stand up and in my head im like “no yeah that makes sense because shes “the one he truly loved” and shes still trying to get to a point where shes realizing he wasn’t all that great and I dont know I just really like that minor detail

The whole “remember that I was a writer…” part got loud cheers, especially from abby it was very cute

She did a new riff on the “we all disappear” line and WOW my eyes went so wide it was so good I was genuinely shook

the “i dont get it” was sooo good

“My sixth finger” was said so casually and so determinedly that it was a whole new joke and I loved it

“Everyone notices Jane cant dance” -abby just looking so sad

“Yeeeaaaahhhhh. I read!” Was so cute and she sounded so proud of herself it was adorbs

The way they just stood there awkwardly was amazing and got so many laughs it was so good

When sam said the line about competing, abby really almost cut Anna’s line out but she caught herself and it was funny I dont know if anyone else noticed it, but I did and it was glorious

REMIX

“Rise abo-o-o-o-ove” WAS BEAUTIFUL THEY WERE IN SUCH GOOD HARMONY

AGAIN, ANNA’S RIFFS HOW DOES THAT WOMAN DO THAT AT THE END OF THE SHOW LIKE SHIT

After it was over, of course it got long applause and the entire time abby was doing her like “sparkle hands” but also awkwardly moving her arm kinda like a noodle and then going back to sparkle hands and it gave me a good chuckle

Six

The slow acoustic part was so soft I died

The harmonies was delicious

The audience was so hype

Megasix

Super hype

Amazing

Fantastic

All the good things ever

Basically it was just adorable and amazing and absolutely stunning

The new costumes are gorgeous and the lighting is wild if they don’t win best lighting for Tony awards I will full on riot

Aragon and Boleyn interacted a lot and so did Seymour and Cleves and it was very very sweet

Abby interacted with the band a lot to the point where she almost missed a cue and it was very endearing

AND THEN THEY DID THE CURTAIN UP THING AND FIRST OF ALL WOW THEY ARE ALL SO CUTE AND IT WAS SO SWEET SEEING THE WAY THEY ALL WATCHED EACH OTHER WHILE THEY WERE SINGING AND I JUST JDKFDJLA

abby’s hair is SO LONG but I am here for it

So I was looking for my friend when I hear “Make some room, make a path!” From a security guard, and the queens legit walked RIGHT PAST ME

I wanted to go to the theatre anyway to take pictures, but when I saw them, I did follow them back to the theatre because wow I wanted to bask in their glory I didnt even want to talk to them I just wanted to be in their presence

So im like, walking behind them when this happens:

I guess abby saw someone she knew because I heard this “abby!” And then she was like “OH MY GOD” and like RAN to hug them and i legit almost walked right into her/got stepped on but i freaking stopped like a noob i should’ve just let her run me over but I did not I just stopped in my tracks and let out a soft “aH” and then went around her

And then I got to meet a friend and apparently toby heard us squealing and watched us hug for a solid however long so that was awkward

And Julia schade was like talking to him and stared at us for a good amount of time

And then I was walking away and passed Julia again and she kept looking at me, but she was talking to someone else and I think she thought I was going to stay to talk to her (and I would have loved to) but I didnt I just gave her a smile, a nod, and a little wave because I can not do confrontation like if I could not confront abby ma’am I cannot confront u either I am SHY

And that is a very detailed run down of my time in nyc at the brooks

[yesterdayiwrote]

Your replies on this tory issue are super insightful, thank you! As someone from a post-socialist country I am not fully understanding the whole background of it. But George to receive so many hateful comments for his message is disturbing to see.

As far as I know he never made any comment indicating his actual policitcal beliefs so branding him a tory seems absolutely ridiculous to me. And after last weekend he reveived so much undeserved hate for only doing his job, I am not surprised that his social media manager had enough + I guess on a post like this they really don’t want to see the disgusting replies.

And the fact that he is ridiculed for blocking these people are truly bafling to me - especially when every moment we see all kind of mental health and positivity campaigns 🙄….the whole thing has a vibe like ”stand up and do not tolarate abuse” - “oh, you actually did take action, well since I don’t like you still go and fuck yourself” Sometimes I wish these people would be questioned in real life on the things they write on the internet - I think social media brings the worst out of many and without any consequences

Sorry for the long essay 😅

Ps. Offtopic a bit but regarding the Queen, after watching my country getting fucked up by corrupt cunts from both!!! end of the political spectrum, a more or less neutral head of state does not seem the worst thing to have. I get that many people are disagreeing with the monarchy but she just died and some comments are absolutely vile

I think the biggest misapprehension going on is that support for the monarchy indicates political leaning. I can’t speak for other countries in the world with a monarchy, but in the UK there are royalist liberals and republican conservatives. This is by and large an apolitical issue (although it’s not because it has repercussions that are political as does everything these days).

I’m glad he’s blocking people because it does give a reminder that people are reading these replies and it’s not just carte blanche to say what you like. General rule should be if you wouldn’t say it to their face then don’t @ them it 🤷🏼‍♀️

The monarchy is honestly fucking weird. I understand the reservations about what they stand for and represent, historically they’ve been involved in some mighty fucked up stuff. I actually like The Queen as an individual, I’m not a bleeding heart royalist though. I think there’s valid criticisms of her but also things she’s rightfully applauded for. There’s members of her family who are awful, there’s members who aren’t. They’re all born into it, none of them ask for it so it’s easier to judge them individually on what they chose to do with that status imo? I know other people will despise them all regardless. I think it’s just about having basic respect?

[captainillogical]

Profoundly Yours Ch.1

Amity receives a love letter in her locker. Luz wants to help figure out who it is.

Cover art by my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants​

AO3 mirror

Today is looking to be a long day, it seems.

Amity looks up at the clock on the wall just as the school bell screams, and she grabs for the books in front of her as the other students around her bustle about. All she really wants to do is find a nice, quiet place to take a nap - she could barely sleep the night prior. She waits for a moment, letting the other students leave the classroom first so as to not get trampled on, and makes her way out the door with an offhanded wave to her teacher.

She sighs, holding the books close to her chest as she walks over to her locker. At least the day is halfway done, she thinks to herself. She hasn’t even gotten to open her locker when Boscha rolls up, slamming a hand against the nearest wall.

“So, I had the brightest idea earlier that we’d all go get our nails done after school, and Skara is SUPER on board with it.” The three-eyed girl leans in, a smirk on her face. “You in, Amity?”

She doesn’t really want to, like, at all - so she thinks up a quick excuse.

“I can’t, sorry. I promised mom I’d help out with her afternoon errands.” Amity replies, trying to really sell the lie with a grimace. She wishes that Boscha would just lose interest in being her “friend” already.

“Ughhh, it’s not as fun if you can’t go,” Boscha rolls her eyes, a bit of a pout on her face. “Skara’s just going to talk about her boyfriend the entire time.”

“I really am sorry, I definitely would go with you guys if I was free,” Amity lies through her teeth, reaching out to open her locker. She wants to be in the lunchroom already - she can feel her stomach growling, and maybe she can see a certain someone’s face. That will absolutely make her day better.

The locker opens with a clatter - it growls at her and she ignores it, and a single square white envelope is sitting inside; there’s no name, or any indication of what it could be on the outside. Amity grabs for it curiously, placing her books inside.

“What’s that, some kind of love-letter?” The pink-haired girl snatches the envelope out of Amity’s hands, eyebrows shooting up into her hairline.

“Boscha! Give it!” Amity tries reaching for it, but the other girl just side-steps out of her way with a laugh, tearing the letter open to see what’s inside.

“What do we have here~” She teases, eyes scanning the page. They widen considerably when she catches onto something. “Whoa, actually - dude someone has it bad for you, ha ha!!” She snorts out a laugh, and Amity grabs the letter out of her hand, finally.

She stares at the piece of paper, and her heart starts to race. It’s a poem.

Someone WROTE her a poem.

Amity - your eyes shine like gold coins

And when I look into them

I feel like the richest person ever.

Oh, wow. That’s a terrible poem. And yet kind of sweet?.. Hm. There’s no name anywhere.

Amity forces her face into a grimace, and Boscha’s still laughing.

“This is awful, who wrote this?” She cackles, and Amity is almost starting to feel a little defensive over it. I mean, the person wrote it for her.

“There seems to be no name on it.” The green-haired witch shoves the letter into her pocket, hearing it crinkle loudly. “That’s too bad.”

“Yeah that’s too bad, I wanted to make fun of them for it!” She laughs again, and yeah okay, Amity’s starting to feel annoyed.

“Not everyone needs to be made fun of constantly,” She retorts, slamming her locker shut. She gives one last look to her not-sort-of-friend, before turning to leave. “I’m going to lunch.”

The sounds of Amity’s footsteps fade away within the noise of the school, and Boscha watches her go.

“What’s gotten up with her lately?” She says to no one in particular, scowling to herself.

-

Amity faces the crowded lunchroom, food in hand. She’s not even feeling particularly hungry now since she read that note, but will force down the food anyway. She looks around and happens to spot Willow sitting with Gus off to the side - as well as Luz.

Ah.

She feels so stupid, the way her heart does little flips every single time she sees the human. It feels irrational, at this point. Why did Luz turn out to be so nice, and caring, and cute - she stops that particular train of thought. It’s the entire reason why she hasn’t been getting enough sleep this last week, and with everything that happened after Grom, Amity feels a little like she might be going crazy.

Her feelings are going haywire, and she has no outlet for them. She can’t talk to anyone about it, come on, that’d be so embarrassing. Admitting you have feelings, romantic feelings, for a human? Yeah, she’d rather hex herself than go through that kind of social scrutiny right now.

She mulls over where to sit - spotting an empty table in the opposite corner by the windows, and walks over to it to sit down. She sighs, pulling her sandwich out of the bag, and takes a small bite out of it. It’s a bit dry, but it’s whatever. She pulls the note out of her pocket and unfolds it on the table, having to place her bottle of water on the top of it to stop it from folding back up.

Amity leans forward, peering hard at the handwriting, nice as it is. She doesn’t recognise it at all. Who could this be from, exactly? She feels like this could also possibly be a prank, because who in their right mind would send her a love letter? Definitely not the person she wants it to be. She takes another bite, chewing it slowly and thoughtfully. 

A familiar voice laughs nearby, and all of a sudden a hand slams down on the table about a foot from Amity. She jolts in her seat, looking up to see the face of Luz.

“Amity!” The human girl enthusiastically greets her. “Why are you sitting here all alone? Since you didn’t come to sit with us, we’ll sit with you!” She grins, Willow and Gus in tow right behind her. They all take a seat at the table around her, tossing their food onto the table and making themselves comfortable. Amity feels a little taken aback with the gesture, and tries to not let it show too much on her face. Being this close to Luz after what happened the other day.. she swallows her feelings.

“Oh, you don’t have to-” Luz gasps, cutting Amity off. She grabs the piece of paper on the table, and holds it up to her face. She’s squinting quite hard.

“A love letter!!!” Luz exclaims, eyes wide open with her mouth hanging dramatically - Willow shushes her. She rubs the back of her head sheepishly, looking apologetic. “Forget you heard anything!” She shouts back out to the lunch room. A stray “don’t tell me what to do!” pierces through the white noise of the other students chattering amongst themselves. Gus giggles into his soup.

“Thanks for that.” Amity half-glares at Luz, taking the letter back from her and folding it in half, placing it back on the table. She feels the tips of her ears get warm from embarrassment. “And yeah.. It was in my locker when I opened it earlier. I have no idea who it’s from.”

“I bet I can figure out who it is.” Gus says smugly, taking a spoonful into his mouth. “Let me see.”

“No! You’ll just judge it unfairly.” Amity replies, and reaches out to clutch it in her hands.

“C’mon, why are you being so defensive! What can it hurt?” He points his spoon at her, waving it a bit. 

"I'm not defensive!" She retorts back, Gus' smirk immediately widening. She quickly realizes her mistake, and slides the letter over to him to play it off cool. "It's just, it's a poem of all things, and I don't know of anyone that's written anything like.." She trails off as she watches Gus' eyebrows shoot up on his face, and she's unsure if it's either because he's impressed, or taken aback with said writing. Willow leans over to also peer at the letter.

"I don't know whether to laugh or applaud this guy."

"It could be a girl, Gus." Willow gives him a judgemental look. "Do you know of any guys here with that handwriting? It's too nice."

"That's a.. fair point." He puts a finger up to his lip, and then looks around at the other students in the lunch room, squinting his eyes in suspicion. He points to a person waaay over in the opposite corner. "What about him? He's always been pretty well-spoken."

"Geoffrey?!" Amity hisses out, and then reels enough back to not look so.. frantic. "It's obviously not him, I mean, he's nice sure. But he never goes out of his way to talk to me, and he's never given any kind of indication he even likes me as a fellow classmate."

"Plus, Geoffrey has had that thing for Brian since last year, remember?" Willow takes a bite out of her apple, and grabs the poem to read it again. 

"Oh right, kind of forgot about that since that one incident." Gus sighs a little dramatically, and the rest of the table ignores his theatrics. He makes a show to place his hand over his eyes - like he's staring out into bright open seas er - students. "Maybe it is a girl. Maybe it's.. someone we know. Maybe it's… Luz!!" He points to her like gotcha! and Amity feels her heart stop.

Luz chokes on the bite of food she's just placed inside her mouth, her spoon clattering on the table. "I've never written a love letter in my life," She sputters and coughs several more times - her cheeks are turning pink a little, but surely it's from the lack of air intake. Gus laughs at her, Willow rolling her eyes at her friend's antics. "Besides, if I were to write a love letter, it would definitely not be poetry. There's a reason why mom wanted me to go to that summer camp. If anything, I'd write a fanfic."

"A fanfic." Willow deadpans at her for a couple seconds, and then shrugs. "That is very you, though."

Amity takes the last bite of her sandwich and tries not to sit there in disappointment. Like, she knew it wasn't Luz of course. Still stings a little. Luz gives Amity a curious look as she swallows her food, and Amity hopes her emotions aren't showing on her face. That'd be terrible.

"Was the letter in your locker when you first came into school today?" The human asks, wiping her face for any food crumbs. She takes the letter from Willow, her eyes scanning the page one last time.

"No, now that I think about it." Amity replies, watching the other girl. She tries not to let her eyes linger on Luz for too long in anyone else's presence, for fear that someone might catch wind of her feelings for the human.

"Well then, clearly, we know they're a student here. Now if only it were obvious!" Gus says excitedly. "We should build a student card bingo for this."

"That would be interesting." Willow laughs.

"You think the admirer will come forward sometime to confess?" Luz leans near Amity to ask, making the other girl acutely aware of just how close she is.

"It wouldn't matter, honestly." Amity admits, taking the poem back from Luz and folding it into her pocket. "It's not like I'm interested."

"Why, you like someone else?" Gus interjects, slurping up another spoonful of soup.

"N-no! Of course not!" Amity says a little too quickly, and she feels a specific set of eyes on her. "Besides, I wouldn't date someone I don't know, just because they wrote me a poem."

She sees Luz staring at her out of the corner of her eye, like she's remembering the note Amity has been trying to forget about since the night of Grom.

"Yeah, I wouldn't either." Willow agrees, and hands Gus a napkin absentmindedly. He's kind of a messy eater.

"Wow, give the person a break, they just put their whole heart out there! Doesn't that mean anything in the name of romance?" Gus says in between mouthfuls of soup.

"They're welcome to say it to my face." Amity replies, and she tries to change the subject.

Lunch period ends pretty soon after that, and the rest of classes go by pretty slowly for Amity. Ed and Em rip into her about her day after school a little more than usual, and she retires to her bedroom early that night, a lot on her mind to think about.

She has a hard time falling asleep, like she has been for a while now, one very specific person plaguing her thoughts constantly. She thinks she'll just forget about the love letter for now. Or maybe entirely, actually, since there's no point.

Sleep comes to her after a couple of hours.

-

When her locker physically spits another letter at her the next day, she decides this might be a problem.

[kikifeliz]

THE WEEK AHEAD: March 7 - March 14, 2021

By Kiki Feliz

♈️♌️♐️ Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Love is on the brain, fire signs!!! The King of Cups energy is at the bottom of the deck... do you have someone whom you’ve been thinking of a lot lately? You seem to be hopeful that love could bloom with this person, and you’re very romantically-minded at this time.

Unfortunately, what I’m getting is that this battle is not yours to win at this time. There seems to be some sort of mental burden that you are carrying with you with regards to this person. There may be light and open arms awaiting you at the end of this journey, but there’s plenty of conflict to be faced before you make it thru to see that light.

Defensiveness seems to dominate the first part of the week for you, fire signs. You’re ready to argue, but it looks like you’re really just arguing with a younger version of yourself, someone who still needs communication practice and has a hefty imagination. The straw man you’ve built in your mind isn’t real.

This may mean you’re idealizing your crush a little too much, and basing all of your thoughts and ideals on a version of this person who doesn’t exist. Perhaps you’ve made them up to be excessively noble, or super genius-level smart, but whatever this ideal is, you’d be better off leaving it behind.

This person may actually end up being much more controlling than you thought they could be, which may not be what you are really looking for in a partner. They sit on a pedestal in real life, too, not only in your mind. This person may have a high status or a large amount of social/institutional power somehow, or other people may have a really, really high opinion of this person, which may or may not be well-deserved.

It looks like communication could be incoming for some of you this week, especially those of you who are waiting on an important piece of mail. The communication isn’t from your crush, though, sorry LOL. Whatever this communication of piece of mail is, though, will allow you to start fresh somehow. It may also allow you to clear your mind and take decisive action on an issue that has been bothering you for some time.

You’re learning slowly (but surely) how to fill your own cup. You’re finding the places that make you feel good, and where you can let your emotions run. While this may be a new feeling for you — learning how to care for yourself emotionally — this will be a commitment to yourself that will truly benefit you as you grow to become your *own* King of Cups.

We invest a lot into our crushes when we feel a lack of something in our own lives. This is a time for you to really commit to and invest in all the great things in YOUR life that make you feel creative, happy, and humble. That’s a beautiful thing about a crush, too — it humbles us and tells us that there is still something out there worth working for. Find that thing inside yourself, beloved.

Whether this crush works out or not isn’t actually important right now! What’s important is that you consistently figure out how you can fill your cup with the things that make your life livable. This may mean taking better care of yourself, and also it means practicing better spiritual hygiene. There is something in you worth protecting, so what are you doing to stay spiritually strong?

You may need to travel a little farther than you’d imagined, or to go a little deeper into the cave than you normally would in order to find the wellspring that will ultimately nourish you. If you’ve found it already, return to it. This may be a creative practice that you’ve neglected for a long time, something artistic and exciting. You’ll know what it is.

There are some of you who have been stingy or overprotective of your money lately. This is a lack mindset and it’s causing pain to the people around you! Alternatively, you or someone around you may be keeping the thing that fuels you/them hidden from everyone else. Stinginess is not cute! I see there is an invitation coming your way this week. I invite you to take part in whatever this is, and to do so with a smile and a bright sense of self to accompany you! Stop holding back so much! People want to be in your presence, they want to celebrate and applaud and embrace you for what you bring to the table! You have this abundant energy around you, but if you’re unwilling to go out on a limb and follow your intuition, then this opportunity will crumble right before your eyes!

Take stock of what you have — I am positive that you have more than enough to share (emotionally — this is not talking finances, unless that is what you’re feeling as you read this!). Let the crush go and focus ok yourself, for if you don’t, it can only end in disaster! This week is a time to find new opportunities to express your passions— don’t worry if you haven’t finished the project you want to share, the fact that you made it with love is more than enough!

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 10: 2x14 Wolf in the Fold

Watched Wolf in the Fold last night. The only thing I really remembered about this ep going in was that it was a Scotty ep. Which is true but also… slightly misleading. Also that it had to do with Jack the Ripper—which is more true than I remembered!

A decadent intro… I get why Spock isn’t here but I actually DO think he would be into it.

Matchmaker Kirk lol.

Scotty is so awkward. This is the other detail I remembered from this ep, actually: how Scotty wants to applaud using his hands no matter what. (Even with those cool lights RIGHT THERE lol). Old Aberdeen pub crawler…

This is honestly such a bizarre back story: Scotty got a concussion because someone who happened to be a woman made a mistake and now not only is his head all funny but he has a “total resentment toward women.” Like okay, nothing creepily sexist in that concept. Also –they ultimately barely even use it! I know it’s the implied rationale for why he would suddenly start murdering women and also not remembering it but it’s like such a flimsy excuse that they never say it out loud in so many words for fear it should sound too stupid. Which it would. Honestly, you really only need the concussion imo. Why go into the weird misogyny thing at all?

And now Kirk and Bons head off to a brothel, giving me a total resentment toward men.

Nice eerie fog out here. Very Aberdeenian.

Okay, so this woman was stabbed a dozen times but she only screamed once? And then a second later, Scotty had somehow teleported several feet away, still holding the knife? He’s good at his job but he’s not that good. This is already deeply suspicious.

“Therapeutic shore leave.” Trying to cure his hatred of ladies lmao.

So this weird little bald man, Hengist, from Rigel IV. Is he an alien? I suppose he must be. Rigellians are a race, as we know from Journey to Babel. It’s not always clear to me which groups of people are Earth colonists who have migrated to or been born on other planets and which are humanoid aliens.

The Aurelians are a gentle, harmless people. Cute. I like these aliens.

I wish we could hire aliens to be our administrators. Alien Overlord and Taylor.

“I’ll be taking over, since I am the highest official.” He out-officialed him.

I like this guy and his slightly creepy empath priestess wife. I feel like Spock would like them, too.

Speaking of: Spock in the captain’s chair. Hot.

I don’t get how this planet is the only space port around. Like… could not any planet be a space port? What does that even mean?

Oh no, a woman with the lie detector machine! She must be incompetent and/or to be despised.

I love Sybo’s outfit. Her hair and jewelry too. Honestly just a great head-to-toe look.

Another murder! Sorry but this one is on the Aurelian for just leaving the murder weapon out there unattended.

Generally speaking, the costume and set people are doing allllll the work in this episode.

Hengist went to look for suspects and he came up with the victim’s father and fiancé?? He’s not even trying lol. Anyway, he obviously did it.

How can you NOT tell if a lock was picked or not? I mean I know McCoy is a doctor, not a locksmith, but come on. It can’t be that ambiguous.

Spooky mumbo-jumbo.

Interesting that Spock doesn’t trust the mumbo-jumbo either. I guess he only approves of it when it’s Vulcan.

When Sybo says “monstrous evil” the camera is looking right at Hengist. Not suspicious at all. He’s only clearly railroading Scotty, looked right at the second victim before she was killed, was in the perfect position to take the murder weapon after it was carelessly left about, and is the most obvious non-Scotty suspect here.

I love how loyal Bones is. He literally saw Scotty holding Sybo and the knife with blood on his hands and is like “It’s impossible he could have done it.”

So many of the “truth discovery” devices on TOS are truly creepy. Like they’re all clear plot devices, and for that reason depicted as completely reliable, and the more completely reliable they are, the more deeply disturbing they become upon any reflection at all.

That’s a pretty computer though. All those pretty flashing lights! And it runs on floppy disks.

I literally just remembered what happened.

“Scotty, lie to me, how old are you?” / “Twenty-two, Sir.” Yeah, I’d say that’s a lie.

So like this allegedly all-powerful computer is literally just a lie detector. That’s it! A lie detector that picks up on psychological signs of lying, just like our lie detectors today. I mean… you could have just said that straight out. All they do is show what a person believes to be true, so in the case where someone truly doesn’t remember something, the usefulness is… limited.

My mom suggested a Vulcan mind meld which, actually, would pretty much solve the problem! But for once Spock actually treats it like something serious and not to be thrown out as a solution to all problems at the merest suggestion.

Someone needs to do a fashion line based entirely on the Argellian outfits.

Spock is internally eye-rolling at all this drama. I feel like he’s a real advocate for the computers today. That’s like… really his only role.

The computer’s linguistics banks don’t know what this word means? Maybe we should get Uhura on the case.

Plot twist: the killer was Jack the Ripper the WHOLE TIME! The last one you’d ever expect.

I don’t get how the computer made the leap from Redjac to Jack the Ripper since that is not a real word and no one outside of this episode of TOS has ever used it for Jack the Ripper.

“Everyone feeds on death, even vegetarians.” So dark, Spock. So emo.

Aw, alien creatures that derive sustenance from love. Adorable. There should have been an episode devoted to them. (Wait a minute…. Idea coming on…)

Speaking of gaseous cloud aliens…the Companion?

This episode really relies a lot on the computer to provide information and otherwise move the plot along.

Kirk keeps ignoring everyone to just talk to Spock.

“Cloud the issue” lol that’s a good pun. (Already can’t remember who said it but… point stands.)

The cloud entity feeds on women because they are more easily and deeply terrified. That sounds fake but okay. It’s also not in keeping with what Sybo said, is it? She mentioned a hatred of women. That’s not the same as finding women useful.

Hmm, when do we get our Martian Colonies, @ perseverance?

Oh, Rigel IV, you say? There seems to be a Rigellian right here!

This whole history of the entity is bizarre. The first killing sprees (that we know of) are on Earth, and Kirk specifically says that when man left Earth to explore, he took this with him. Does that mean… the cloud creature/entity originated on Earth? Truly a bizarre hypothesis, when you think about it.

Are you the entity, Sir?

There is actually very little Scotty in this Scotty-centric episode.

Lol the knife originates with the hill people of Rigel IV. What is this, Deliverance?

Omg Kirk punched the entity right out of that man!

So to summarize: “Jack the Ripper is actually a gaseous cloud that is capable of infecting the computer system of the Enterprise, thus hijacking the whole ship” is the basic, wacky concept of this episode.

This tranquilizer could quiet a volcano. Where was it during the volcano scene in STID hmm?

Kirk’s plan to keep people from being scared by the maniacal voice of the entity: Tranquilize the entire ship. That’s why he’s paid the big bucks.

Yet another twist on the old Kirk v. Computer plot. Time to use Math to defeat it.

Kirk is so unimpressed with the entity. “Eh, shut that off.” He would not be moved by a haunted house.

“This is the first time I’ve heard a malfunction threaten us.” Sulu can man his post AND be funny; he’s multi-talented.

Kirk and Spock don’t need tranquilizers because they’re smart enough to know this high-pitched voice yelling random threats just isn’t actually scary.

Kirk is really insistent that Sulu man his frickin’ post!

Oh no, not PI!! My nemesis, PI!

I’m really living for Sulu here.

If the entity entered a tranquilized person, it might take up knitting. I gotta say, that doesn’t make any sense as a plot point but I like it anyway.

That was a very efficient tranquilizing job! Everyone in a 400+ person ship in like 10 minutes? Get the medical team on the Enterprise in charge of the vaccine distribution stat.

Kirk just outright assumes that Spock won’t be a hospitable entity choice. And he’s not even wrong! The entity chooses the dead body over Spock or Kirk. It knows when it’s not wanted.

Hengist has been revived!

The entity is honestly, truly hilarious. Die, die, everybody die! Kill! Kill you all! Maniacal laughter! All while being carried by a still utterly unimpressed Kirk down the halls of the ship.

Spock’s like “get out of the way, you tranquilized idiot. Got some entity-scattering to do.”

“I gave them a pretty big shot, Jim!” Think you might have slightly overdone it, Bones? You didn’t need to make everyone useless for 6 hours for a problem that was solved in 5 minutes!

This is one of those moments, Kirk trying to get Spock to see the pretty ladies with him, when Spock seems super gay. Like, I don’t even think he is, that’s not my reading of him, and I also assume that wasn’t the intention here, but that’s just so clearly how it reads.

Aw, Kirk doesn’t want to go the strip club alone. Poor bb.

Weird how Lt. Leslie was in this when he died in the last episode.

Overall, I’d actually have to say that was a very crack-y episode. I liked the ending the best because it was so ridiculous.

What I don’t understand, in addition to whether or not the entity was really supposed to be from Earth, was how it came to be Hengist. Like, it can enter and leave bodies (or computers) at will, so perhaps it just entered Hengist, a normal Rigellian, at some point. But if that’s so, putting him on the transporter and scattering him into space was a pretty cruel thing to do. Also, why did he die (or appear to die) when the entity wasn’t in him? That implies he is the entity’s physical form. But then, first of all, how is also a Rigellian? Like did the entity mate with a Rigellian? Did the entity take over a baby Rigellian? Did the entity just claim to be Rigellian but is really just humanoid in its physical form—we did establish that some aliens, like this one, or creatures or whatever, are gaseous sometimes and solid others, so maybe its solid form is humanoid. Which would fit well with it originating in Earth, although that also brings a new and perhaps unintentional layer of creepiness to the story. I have to assume that’s the situation, but still, wild. And it doesn’t explain this: why does Hengist “die” when the entity “leaves” him, as opposed to just disappear entirely when the entity changes form??

Anyway, I know I’m overthinking this very wacky premise. Overall, I think the episode was fine. It didn’t have enough Scotty (for being a “Scotty episode”) and it changed genres an awful lot for 50 minutes. There was a tad too much misogyny going on. And overall I didn’t feel like the characters—even Kirk, and in actuality this was a Kirk episode much more than a Scotty episode, and purposefully so—were at their most interesting. Tbh Sulu ultimately stole the show in the final minutes.

Next up is the Trouble with Tribbles! Also a funny episode but at least undeniably purposefully so!

[paodequeijofeliz-blog]

Let me tell you a good story

Bloodbound Fanfiction (characters and main story belongs to Pixelberry Studios).

Pairing: Kamilah Sayeed and MC (Annie)

Information:  this takes place after Bloodbound 3, here I’m recreating how Kamilah and MC would meet if she had never gone to Raines Corporation right away.

Summary: Thirty years after meeting Annie for the first time, Kamilah is now a wife and a mother. During a regular family dinner, she decides to tell her daughter and their new son-in-law the story of how she fell in love with Annie after an unusual meeting through the hallways of NYU.

Warnings: none

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Let me tell you a good story - Part 3

March 2nd, 2048 “No way!” Drake leaned back on the chair, laughing his heart out. “You didn’t realize that Ms. K. Sayeed was her??”

“No!!” Anna whined behind her hands. “I found out later.”

“A month later, might we add.” Kamilah was shaking her head judgementally. “You cannot imagine how much fun I had listening to her complaining about the boss, ‘Ms. Sayeed’, right in my office.”

“FOR ONE MONTH?” Drake’s chin fell.

“I… I… Uh, come on! It’s not my fault. She signed her works with ‘K. Sayeed’. How the hell would I know? I don’t google every author I read.”

“But, ma’am, she told you her name was Kamilah right before joining a conference which had for main lecturer a ‘K. Sayeed’.”

“Wait, let me defend her now.” Lysia put a hand on Drake’s arm, suddenly monopolizing his attention. The diamond ring on her finger sparkled against the light. “In Brazil, Kamilah is a quite common name, but not with a ‘K’. It’s always with a ‘C’. She had never met a ‘Kamilah’ with a ‘K’ before. Therefore, she couldn’t link my mom’s name with ‘K. Sayeed’. It’s like someone telling you her name is ‘Kate’ right before going to a conference held by, I don’t know, ‘C. Hudson’. Would you automatically think this could be a ‘Cate’ with a ‘C’?”

Kamilah gave her daughter a proud smile. There was her little genius lawyer showing up. Every time Lysia put on that tone on her voice, so delicate yet firm and confident, the vampire queen would feel the urge to applaud and hug her tight. She grew up so fast. When did my little fairy princess-ninja become a beautiful woman?

“Ok, ok. Now I get it.” Drake gave in, melted by the argument as much as by Lysia’s touch. “Go on. When did you find out? What happened?”

Annie took a deep breath, her face already back to its natural colour. “So, after I basically criticized and called her thesis’s conclusion to be stupid… And laughed at Adrian’s thesis as well… Kamilah just fell in love.”

The woman beside her almost choke on wine. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, please. You got horny cause I had the audacity to criticize your work. No one had done it before.”

“MOM!” Lysia twitched her nose. “Please, do not say horny. That’s not a picture I want in my head.”

“Alright. Your mother felt very… Blissful. She spent an entire week thinking about my gorgeous audacity, until she finally took the courage to invite me out on a date. Actually, to command her assistant to do it.” Anna shot an accusing glare. “Couldn’t do it yourself, huh? Coward.”

Kamilah crossed her legs, avoiding that look. “We could say, if you insist, that I was only being careful to let someone more… Social… Handling the situation. And it wasn’t a real date.”

Annie laughed. “Right. I know you just wanted to see me again.”

 August 22nd, 2018

             Days were getting a bit too cold for Anna’s taste. She had grown in such a hot city that anything under 25ºC (77ºF) was already considered freezing. Hence why she was wearing heavy pajamas and socks that afternoon, all covered in blankets while eating cookies. It was her day off and Princess Bride was on TV. She had seen it a hundred times, for it was her favourite movie, yet still laughed at the same jokes. One day, months later, Annie would watch it again with her girlfriend. Three years from now, with her wife. In ten years, with her five-year-old child between her legs. But tonight, all she was aware of was a warm feeling on her chest, the urge to see someone she didn’t know how to find.

           “Stop it”. She stared at the cookies, scowling. “It was just a random woman. You don’t even know anything about her. She could be a boring ass businessperson.”

             “Ahem.” Kamilah interrupted the story, an icy glare coming down at Annie. “I don’t understand why being a businessperson sounds like a flaw in your mouth.”

           “Not the point. Hush.”

             The movie was about to end when a high sound made Anna jump on the couch.

           “Phone! Ok, where is it…” She went looking around the mess of books and papers, until finally finding it hidden inside a pencil case. “Yes, hello. Hi.”

           “…Am I speaking to Ms. Anna Mali?”

           “Yup, that’s me. Who is this?”

           “Ms. Mali, my name is Jacob Lee, I’m… Kamilah’s assistant. She wished to know if you’re available to have dinner tonight, at seven o’clock.”

           “Oh.” Annie sank on a chair, confused. “Are you asking me out on a date? I mean, Kamilah. Through you.”

           “I’m… Not sure if she would like me to answer that. I was specifically told to call you and set dinner to either tonight or Saturday night. Whatever suits your schedule.”

           “Right. Can you put her on the phone, please?”

           “She is at a meeting now.”

           “Of course.” Annie sighed, disappointed. “Ok. Tonight’s perfect. Where should I meet her?”

           “I’ll text you the address. Thank you for your time, Ms. Mali.”

           Something was off. Anna stared at her phone, trying to understand what just happened when Lily’s voice appeared from the steamy bathroom. “So, I think now we’ve officially ran out of hot water. What ya doing, girl? Let’s put another movie on.”

           “I... Think I might have a date. In two hours.”

           “WHAT? Is it the hot woman you met that day? Was it her on the phone?” Lily grew impatient by the silence. “Come on! Give me something here!”

           “Yes, I… Lil, okay, listen, this is super important. Help. Me. Look. Gorgeous.”

           She took the mission seriously. Without much time to think about it, Lily fetched a nice fancy dress, combed her hair into a loose bun, put on a provocative shade of red lipstick and, finally, struggled against the decision of which coat letting her use. Normally, Anna would wear something warm and heavy. It was 20ºC (68ºF) outside, and for her that was enough reason to burry herself in clothes. But Kamilah would definitely judge it.

           “Ok, blood. You better boil in there and keep my friend warm because we’re doing this.” Lily handed her a light and elegant lace coat.

           “Is my accent too strong?” she bounced at the doorway, still unsure.

           “Yes, and for the hundredth time, don’t let this bother you so much. You speak four languages, for fuck’s sake. If anyone around here mocks your accent again, I’ll kick his ass. Stop worrying and go. Text me if you need rescuing, alright?”

           It was 06:45 when she left the apartment. Ten minutes later, her cab stopped at the destination.

           “Have a good date, miss!” said the driver.

           “Thank you! But… Wait, is this correct?”

           “Yes, miss. It’s the address you gave me.”

           They were parked outside a huge and beautiful business building. Not the kind of place for dates. Anna walked in with a confused look on her face. A sign on the wall said “Ahmanet Financial”. That’s oddly familiar. The moment she approached the balcony, a young man came to greet her. His voice sounded familiar the minute he started speaking.

           “Good evening, Ms. Mali. Kamilah must be down in a minute. Could you kindly wait at the lobby?”

           “Hm, Jacob… Right? Jacob Lee.”

           “Yes, that would be me.”

           “I’ll wait, no problem. She can take her time.”

           “No need.” Kamilah’s voice made them jump. She had just stepped out of the elevator. “You can go back upstairs, Jacob. Thank you.”

           “Yes, Ms. S… I mean, Kamilah. Boss. I’m going.” The assistant seemed troubled, walking hesitantly away from them.

           Anna opened her mouth to ask what the hell happened to him, but she shut it when her eyes noticed the look on the other woman’s face. Kamilah’s stare started on her shoes, slowly climbing the legs covered by pantyhose, passing through the black flowered dress, lingering a while at the neckline and finally reaching the red lips. The Brazilian felt so deeply analysed a shiver went through her spine. Kamilah’s critical eyes weren’t giving away her thoughts. She could be either enjoying or hating the view, there was no clue.

           “Good evening.” Anna spoke, both hypnotized and insecure. “Uhm… You… You look gorgeous. Well. Fancy. You look fancy. Let’s go with that.”

           Kamilah arched an eyebrow, slightly surprised. “Thank you. May we go?”

           “Sim. May. We may.” Annie sighed. “Sorry, sometimes I still struggle against the language.”

           “Don’t worry. I am familiar with the feeling.” Kamilah walked back to the elevator without even checking if the girl was following.

           “So, you’re not American?” she tried to catch up her fast pace.

           “No. I’m Egyptian. But I came here a long time ago.”

           Annie kept her silence, well-aware that the woman was staring at her again. Maybe that wasn’t a date at all, but a job interview. Maybe she was being considered to fit a position. No… It doesn’t make sense. My work has nothing to do with all of this. When the elevator doors opened, it was to the entrance of a highly fancy restaurant. A tall hostess came to greet them while another one guided both to an empty table by a huge window.

           “Red or white?”

           “What?” Anna looked away from the view. “Oh, the whine. White, please. Sauvignon Blanc.”

           Kamilah kept her posture, not even glancing at the whine menu. Even though her expression was unreadable, the tone on her voice seemed a little impressed. “You heard the lady, Mr. Kendall. Bring us the best Sauvignon Blanc you have.”

           “Right away, miss.”

           Anna watched as the waiter left them, suddenly noticing they were the only two clients there.

           “How was the other professor’s article?”

           “Who?” The Brazilian woman looked down, momentarily searching her memory. There went the fingers entangling again. “Oh. You mean Faith? From that night? It was good. There were a few improvements to do, though.”

           “I see.”

           Anna smiled as the waiter poured the wine for them. Her hands seemed to hesitate, waiting for Kamilah to drink it first, only then taking a sip herself. After that, her body began to relax, black eyes sparkling as analysing the Egyptian’s features. “How was the lecture? Did you enjoy it?”

           “It was pleasant. Some of the speakers were quite good.”

           “I actually googled Ms. Sayeed works afterwards, while I was waiting for Faith.”

           Kamilah’s lips opened a small smile, her voice showing a hint of curiosity. “And?”

           “She has some articles about history I wasn’t aware of. She can be really interesting when is not talking about economics.” Anna taped her fingers together, trying to speak slower so she wouldn’t miss the pronunciation. “I read four of them. Two about history itself. Loved these. She gets the job of the historian in a way only a few do… It’s almost like she can feel the passing of time, our history, differently than the rest of us.”

           Kamilah crossed her legs, still amused. “What about the other two?”

           “It’s hard for me to criticize it, they were about Egyptian history. I don’t know much of this subject. It was well-written, that’s for sure.” Anna narrowed her eyes, like something was finally connecting. “Wait.”

           Egyptian history. Egyptian woman. Ahmanet Financial.

           “This place…” She inclined her head, confused. “Is this place hers? Ahmanet Financial?”

           “Yes, it is.”

           “And you… Are you like… Her partner or something? Do you work for her?”

           Kamilah sighed. I cannot believe this. “Well, yes. I suppose we can say that.”

           Anna was still blushing. A beautiful tone of pink matching the red lips. “I knew the name of this building was familiar. Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have said all these things if I knew she was your boss.”

           “I appreciated the honesty.” Kamilah seemed to become more serious, her smile replaced by a solid face. “Ms. Sayeed… People don’t often say such straightforward thoughts about her work. Although I do disagree with you in many aspects, your opinions were truthful and valuable.”

           Annie closed her eyes of embarrassment. Since she was already feeling exposed, why not rip the band-aid off? “Kamilah, is this a date or a professional meeting?”

           The woman in front of her laughed for a second. “Oh, dear. You couldn’t possibly handle me on a date. Now… Let’s get down to business.”

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Alright 5x19 let’s DO THIS.

(Warning: This will probably be long.)

WE BEGIN...by visiting Leviathan’s underground speakeasy.

The shot of Lex in the glow of the Kryptonite is great, 15/10 iconic Kryptonian Killer.

But SPEAKING of things that are green and bad...Gemma’s outfit is stage magician meets Mera from Aquaman and WAIT, WAIT, I’m just now remembering that the character in the comics was linked to Atlantis. Is that why they’ve gone with a green motif for her all season?

Probably not. Either way, still gives me knockoff Mera vibes. (*whispers quietly* I don’t like Mera’s outfit either.)

(I’m reading the Wikipedia entry for Gamemnae and did you know: she was exiled from Atlantis for being blonde?)

Anyways!

That’s just a very long-winded way of saying that the costume is kind of a weird choice.

Then we’re back in Kara’s loft and finally, FINALLY...someone tells Lena that there are BIGGER FISH, STOP REMINISCING.

And then the Superfriends arrive on the scene and they are ready to throw down.

Honestly same bro, same.

Also M’GANN IS ON THE TEAM I love it please, SG, please, hire Sharon Leal full-time. 

What is the current door-kicking tally--how many front entrances have the Danvers girls destroyed?

“Well the joke’s on Rama Khan and his big dumb gladiator outfit because I already defeated him once.” THIS. IS. WHAT. I. HAVE. BEEN. SAYING.

THE COSTUME IS SILLY AND NOT IN A FUN WAY.

Leviathan just has terrible fashion sense, is basically the theme of this season.

Oh my gosh M’gann being the one to suggest the multiple Karas and the WINK I love her, I love her so much.

PLEASE NOTE: That J’onn was like ‘the skirt is surprisingly comfortable’ but his response to the pants is, ‘they’re gonna chafe.’ 

J’onn J’onzz, Skirt Supporter. 

Then the Alex suit reveal and ooof, ooooof, probably the wonkiest of the scenes, unfortunately. (Can’t decide if I appreciate the effort of the CGI Alex or if it’s simply too uncanny valley.)

Also, put a pin in the Alex suit reveal. We’ll circle back to it.

(Oh wait and also: Kara’s scream and J’onn’s reaction all A+.)

Breaking chronological order here to just touch on the highlights and maybe discuss particular chunks in detail SO...let’s get right toooooooo....

Rooftop scene with Alex and M’Gann! Nice! But also I was like, ‘Alex just...has a bazooka? ...Yeah that tracks.’ And then I remembered that she has the martian weapon...honestly kinda prefer my accidental headcanon that she just owns one. 

Then back to Lena and Kara and we’ve come full circle because folks...they figuratively flew to Luthor-Corp...on a bus.

Oh if only that was the actual goal of this entire plot. I would applaud it.

SG writers, always: REAL threats come in groups of THREE.

I actually don’t mind it. They aren’t given a big introduction and amount of screen time, so it’s pretty unobtrusive. 

Then we get a Luthor-Corp lab scene AND a good look at Alex’s suit so LET’S CHAT.

Okay first and foremost: not opposed to vigilante Alex! Especially if it means she can work with Kara a bit more directly.

Love the color scheme! Love the hood! Love that the boots are no longer the stealth wedge heel but are just...heels. Good, yes, good! Also love that you can see it’s basically built on top of her DEO suit which totally makes sense, as...I guess Alex is building the suit mentally, not physically, technically, but she’d still be using stuff she’s familiar with to put it together in...her...mind?

I also think the top portion sits better than the DEO suit, which had that awkward...square-ish portion that covered the front of the torso.

But hmmmmmm the eye makeup is...a statement. 

Confused as to why they didn’t go with a domino mask...maybe it was an actor comfort thing but HMMMMM not my personal favorite, admittedly. (Also don’t love the lace up look on the front portion but that’s because it’s reminding me of some of the terrible costumes from Arrow.)

And then the hair clip, which. Okay. As someone who has been struggling to find a way to pull back short hair during this time of no haircuts...can’t be mad about it.

In fact, catch me over here, taking notes.

Alright, costume rambling OVER sorry for the tangent but, you know. New super suit, it’s always exciting. 

I like that Kara had to deal with not being able to be out fighting the threat! That’s a good bit of character stuff there.

“William went after Eve ALONE?!?!?” “No super hearing!” 

“Please, be careful.” “You know me.” “Yeah, exactly, that’s what I’m worried about.” And then a HUG and they’re just the best.

 Dunno if I’ve mentioned it yet but I love the effects they use for Gemma’s ‘true form.’ Very cool and creepy.

Does Andrea just...not question Gemma’s evil villain outfit...or...?

Much like Alex’s super suit we’re puttin’ a PIN in the Brainy plot we’ll get there but FIRST...

THE KARA AND LENA CONVERSATION.

Do I think it should’ve come earlier in the season? Yes! Do I care at this point? ...Okay, still yes! But that’s another pinned point I’ll get back to, right now let us just bask in the beauty that is specifically, verbally laying out all the CRAP Lena put Kara through, and Kara making sure Lena understands THAT is what hurt her, not ‘working with Lex.’

“You never understood.” BINGO. “I know I hurt you by waiting so long to tell you my truth but what about all the ways you hurt me?” EXACTLY. 

“I made one mistake, one mistake that was only ever meant to protect you and in return, all you did was hurt me in every way imaginable.”

Then Lena finally apologizes. For, you know, the stuff that was actually upsetting Kara. So. We got there. ...Eventually.

Then it’s off to save William and he’s talking down Eve! We love a noble journalist.

Kara cauterizing the bullet wound and William being like ‘DO IT no wait DON’T DO IT’ and Kara’s just like, ‘TOO LATE, IT’S DONE.’

RETURN OF THE POWER RANGERS SUIT NICE.

And theeeeen a lot of scenes that are fine but it’s mostly just legwork to get us to the bigger parts of the episode sooooo we’re jumping to...

Andrea! Pleasantly surprised with her part in the action of this episode. Had that nice moral conflict we saw in the front half of the season. It’s a little crammed in here, at the last minute, but. Still enjoyed seeing it.

A personal quibble on the visuals: I prefer the simple elegance of the season one hope speech, (Just a lone camera, in a rundown radio station XD) but I understand they had to convey ‘scale.’ Still think it’s a little much.

Oh man, totally forgot to mention, loved Nicole’s line read for, “Maybe you should’ve been meaner.” It was GREAT.

So there’s the fight against Rama Khan and his buddies, and Kara’s trying to talk people out of a MMORPG, AND Andrea shows up ready to kill somebody. 

The drama! The suspense!

THE SCORE.

I have another quibble with the cutting back and forth on the hope speech and it’s largely to do with perhaps inadvertent implications regarding who has to grow from pain and what pain in particular, but that might just be a ‘me’ thing, reading the scene a particular way, so I’m just gonna move on and say LOVE TO SEE A HOPE SPEECH.

Also:

Supergirl: “I believe in you.”

The VR peeps and us, the audience:

Alright time to talk about BRAINY.

Admittedly haven’t loved double agent Brainy, which felt more like a, ‘let’s add some drama’ move than anything else.

I do still stand by my assessment that Brainy being a few steps behind Lex made sense given his distress re: Nia and the Superfriends.

But also...was a little wild, IMO, that he didn’t have...some way to at least circumnavigate the radiation shield? Or at the very least limit it.

But again. DRAMA.

All that said...wow. Loved the two Brainys at the end, there. Genuinely touching.

“Will you stay with me?” “Till the very end.” 

BRAAAAAAAIIIINNNNNNNNY.

How do you make another Luthor reveal work when you ALREADY pulled the, ‘It was Lex all along!’ like, twice before?

You MAKE IT LILLIAN.

Like, dang it, I enjoyed it. How dare you, SG.

But THAT’S IT. NO MORE SECRET LUTHOR REVEALS. 

The terminator look and death shriek for Gemma was fittingly creepy very nice.

But also WOW, she never interacted with Kara. I am DISAPPOINTED. 

So anyways, that second Lena and Kara conversation! 

It was fine. It’s fine. This is fine. It’s...it’s fine.

(Except that it highlights a problem with the way this whole thing was set up and it’s not something unique to SG! It’s a problem I’ve noticed with a lot of redemption arcs--which seem to be all the rage, as of late--and that is a disproportionate amount of bad things done by the one character, and putting off the turn until like, the last possible minute to increase the drama factor and thaaaaat...is not a super satisfying conclusion because it’s a HUGE amount of build up for a relatively small pay off. Like, as Kara is listing the stuff that Lena’s done, it’s kind of a stark reminder that Lena physically and emotionally hurt Kara on purpose which. Is a glaring red flag. That’s the kind of thing that needs to be unpacked, maybe! Given some space!

Which isn’t to say that characters should never be forgiven, or that they need to be excessively punished. It just needs time. So saving the ‘redemption’ part for the very end where the characters NEED TO BE HEROES RIGHT NOW IN ORDER TO HELP OUT it’s...hmmmmmm. Too rushed.)

AND SO, SOME FINAL THOUGHTS ON THIS, THE SEASON FINALE, AND THE SEASON AS A WHOLE:

Wow but I did not like the focus on Lena. Not fun. No thanks.

Which is only made worse by the trashfire that is the SG fandom. 

Loved the moments of growth and agency for Kara, though. 

Loved the big crossover! It kinda made for a wonky set up of Earth-38 plot vs. Earth Prime plot but honestly anything the writers set up in the front portion of the season was going to be at the very least interrupted, if not completely derailed simply given the nature of what they intended to do with the merging of the earths.

Like give me SG’s approach to handling the front half of the season over Flash’s any day. 

Still too many characters! Still too much plot! Still weird pacing issues! XD

Forget it, Jake, it’s Supergirl.

Oh, honorable mention: The handling of Kelly! She was integrated so well into a nice intersection of plot points and characters that when she’s there to hack into the Obsidian stuff in the finale it’s like, ‘well naturally she’d be here.’ EXCELLENT WORK. 

William and Andrea win ‘most improved over their intensely unlikable introductions.’

To be clear: I liked this season finale! And the fact that it all came together as well as it did is a testament to the skill of all the folks involved, considering the awful extenuating circumstances.

Though, upon further introspection, I think I really do dislike the CGI Alex. Too far into the uncanny valley, sorry. 

IN CONCLUSION: Very, very sad that it’s gonna be a whole year, or possibly longer, before we get new SG content but, glad that the actors will have a little more time off than they usually might, and I’m all for holding off the production as long as possible, in order to keep folks safe.

WHAT are Lex and Lillian up to, like, specifically, and WHAT is Alex’s superhero name??? WILL the folks in charge of the new Superman show remember that it’s a Supergirl spinoff?!??! Find out NEXT YEAR only on SUPERGIRL! (And Superman & Lois!)

EDIT: I used the word ‘quibble’ twice which feels like one time too many, but also it IS a fun word to say. ‘Quibble.’ Ha. XD

[drmedicsgamesurgery]

Danganronpa Togami Volume 3 Part 13 (Summary)

Thanks to @enoshima-pyon @shockersalvage​​ @jinjojess​​ @hopeymchope​​

This is the second last part everyone! Sorry for the wait! Part 14 will not take as long as this. Enjoy.

7.

My brain broke. Having said that, this brain is actually not mine. Until today, I have always believed that it was "I". It seems in actuality that it never existed in this world. Then I can't even crash. A ghost, yes, I am a ghost, I don't exist in this world, so I am not qualified to collapse. I also have no way to think about it. However, I am thinking about things as a Togami. This makes me feel unnatural and I have the urge to vomit. I want to find myself back and get back to me as soon as possible. However, if I believe that the Imposter is telling the truth, then I am the ‘Kudan’. I am the "Secret of the Togami Family" and the "pitiful cattle". Despair High School and the WHO are looking for the monster that can do predictions in this world. So, am I not a person?

Shinobu tries to deny this. After all, it was Kazuya who met the Kudan, not her, yes? The Imposter retorts that they read the record of ‘The Biggest, Worst Incident in the History of the Togami Family.’ and that what she’s saying didn't happen. Just another machination by the K2K system. The Imposter applauds Byakuya for erasing the Kudan’s memory in order to protect her. 

When Shinobu begins to wonder whether or not her personality is the one of Shinobu or the Kudan, the Imposter remarks that it's most likely the former. It’s like how one makes changes to a computer’s data file. The changes start out small, but eventually everything will become overwritten to the point even if the file title says ‘Kudan’, by that point, it is a completely different file in its contents. With all this in mind the Imposter asks Shinobu once again ‘who are you’?

My brain broke. Having said that, this brain is actually not mine. I am not a Togami, and the consciousness of the ‘Kudan’ has long since disappeared, and there are no signs of surface. So who am I, and how should I live next? Live as a Togami? Maybe this personality can be maintained, but I am just a fake Togami. To find the original personality? In that case, "I" will disappear. Live as an unnamed "I"? The mind is a fake Togami, the body is the Kudan, which is almost collapsing. I feel that self-awareness is gradually fading and in trying to keep this quoted "I", I began to feel that this behavior is stupid. I want to disappear, I want to disappear, because the existence of "I" is the closest to an imposter in this world…

“Don’t lose to the truth.”

Speaking this sentence was Byakuya who has been watching the situation. 

He pushes up his glasses, putting Shinobu's mindbroken figure into his field of vision. Shinobu can't tell if he is looking at her with encouragement or it is her mind making it up.

"Byakuya-sama... Please answer me, are the things the Impostor is saying really true? Am I really the 'Kudan'?"

"Yes," Byakuya answered without hesitation. "In order to seal up the 'Kudan', I created your personality with the K2K system."

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

"You are the 'Kudan', this is the highest secret, even if you are the Kudan yourself, I couldn’t take the risk of you leaking it"

Byakuya listens to Shinobu’s short outburst about her feelings and then continues.

"No matter what the truth is, you don't have to pay attention to it. Even if everything is false, you have already got the power to make yourself self-established, don’t you? If so, when the truth is in front of you, you should stand up and face it."

"I can’t do it."

"You have to believe."

"Believe in Byakuya-sama?"

"Yes, you must trust me unconditionally, I believe in myself, you must believe me, I will guide you forward."

The Impostor tries to convince her that Byakuya deceived her, lied to her and used her. That her existence is worthless. Byakuya retorts that Shinobu did have worth. After all, she was valuable at one point when she was in the process of writing the ‘Journey Under the Midnight Sun’. The Imposter asks why he’s so cruel, but Byakuya responds that he doesn’t want to say something nice to get someone’s goodwill, and the guilt-tripping is not working on him. He just needs to guide mankind’s advancement and that will be more than enough. The Imposter remarks they’ll keep that in mind when they replace Byakuya. However...

"You’re noisy, shut up, fat pig! Even if my true identity is the 'Kudan', even if my true identity is not Shinobu, It’s still me, I’m still Shinobu. For me, Byakuya-sama is God. I observe him and write a biography for him. This is enough to make me feel happy. This is me, Shinobu Togami, this fact is unchanged. I always believe in Byakuya-sama, and this situation is no different. Your words are not heard by anyone. You are a lonely pig from birth to death."

“Are you kidding me?” the Imposter said, but Shinobu makes her stance clear.

“I will always believe in Byakuya-sama.”

"Oh, you’re finally back. This is my 'Blue Ink'."

Byakuya-sama’s expression looked like he was praising an obedient dog as he nodded with satisfaction. Much like a dog would, I stuck out my tongue obediently.

"Byakuya-sama... It turns out you really are a God after all."

"What?"

"Because I was created by Byakuya-sama."

Creating life is a great undertaking that only God can carry out, only the privilege that God can have.

Therefore, Byakuya-sama really is a God.  

Byakuya and I once again turned to the imposter standing in front of the coffin. The Imposter shook and it was difficult to tell whether the expression on his face was angry or annoyed. He couldn't even destroy such a small existence like me. Has he fallen into despair himself? 

"Imposter, you understand this, no matter what kind of truth, no matter what kind of options, we will spend time beautifully, and bounce off all the bullets you fired, and stake the Togami name on it. Well, this is the turn of us to destroy your fake book. State your purpose. Why did you and Despair High School pursue a stage like this?”

8.

The Imposter agrees to tell what Despair High School is after. Basically, they’re after three objectives. The first? Get rid of the Kudan. They claim that the world rejects it and its prophecy ability. Not even Hope’s Peak has a ‘Super High School Level Prophet’. [1] There is no room for prophecy in this story. Just like how there is no blue rose in nature, it can’t exist. Why? 

“Because prophecy is cheating. If the future is predictable, the game’s system will collapse and the rulebook will be torn. In order to carry on the ‘The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History', we must eliminate all the things that might hinder it."

They ask what it is, but he just repeats that it’s their ultimate goal. The Imposter also admits that the goal of world domination was false in order to stir confusion. Shinobu thinks that it’s a waste of time, since she didn’t even remember she was the Kudan. She also believes that, for example, nuclear weapons are far more dangerous than predicting the future but Byakuya doesn’t agree. Nuclear weapons just make human extinction possible, while predicting the future is far above the physical level. It makes it known ahead of time that the future is impossible to change. It really is like cheating. To have such a talent would only serve to help bring destruction to their world.

"So, Byakuya-sama, are you hiding the 'Kudan' to protect the world?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I just want to rely on my own talent to command the Togami family, that's all."

The second motivation, continues the Impostor, was to get rid of the Council of Global Controllers. Since there shouldn’t be a secret organization bigger than them, they decided to kill everyone in it. “An organization like that should only exist in the minds of conspiracy theorists.” Thanks to Sonia they were able to learn about their members and location and thus be able to easily kill them off. However...

"I am still alive," said Byakuya. "I, Byakuya Togami, am the biggest obstacle that hinders your ambitions. However, I still live very comfortably."

Needless to say, the Imposter finds Byakuya’s confidence quite disgusting, but can’t deny he really has been having it easy and remarks the Togami Family is quite inconvenient. Even when Byakuya has been doing nothing by himself, their work in the Despair High School has still been quite difficult. Byakuya states that as long as the name ‘Togami’ exists, it can destroy any hostile forces. This causes the Imposter to state how envious Byakuya’s position is to him. In a story full of fakes, he is the genuine article that has true control.

"Because I am the real deal. I won't lose, I won't die." Byakuya states confidently...but then the Imposter delivers his rebuttal.

"If I said that we deliberately let you go, what would you say?"

"It appears you still got quite the hard mouth.”

"It’s not from a hard mouth. It’s the truth. We never thought about killing you. We planned to let you live from the beginning. We let you escape from the Church of Bones. The reason why you could escape so many times in this battle, it Is because we deliberately let you go. Because this is our plan.”

“What kind of plan is that? Explain it.”

“I’m just acting according to the plan.”

“You aren’t… the Mastermind?”

The Imposter remarks that, no, they are indeed not. The true mastermind is enjoying campus life, and enjoying time with Byakuya. It is because the mastermind likes Byakuya, that they are not allowing him to die.

"The Mastermind is my classmate? Among the 78th batch?"

Even with Mukuro standing right in front of them, it was hard to believe that the Mastermind could have ever come from that class. Just how much has Despair High School infiltrated Hope’s Peak? The Impostor doesn’t answer and continues talking. He says that they were always watching Byakuya’s movements and relates the feeling to watching ants struggle as you smash their nest. You also feel like cheering them on. The reason why they made this entire incident was to deal with Byakuya and with his performance so far they feel despair from his excellence. They now regard Byakuya as their most dangerous enemy. Thus, leading into the third motivation. 

“Third motivation: Get rid of Byakuya Togami.”

Shinobu points out, internally, the contradictory nature of getting rid of Byakuya when they said they had no intentions of killing him. As soon as he says that, the Super High School Level Soldier gets out from the confessional room and wraps her military knife around Shinobu’s neck. Shinobu remarks that her life has no value, but Mukuro tells her she can’t fool her.

"Then let us enter the part of judgement, heheh. However this time, the judgement isn’t over a fake book, but a canon one. My heart is beating so intensely now, probably from all those calories."

The Imposter spoke.

"Mr. Authentic, let's start the last activity. You have to make a choice."

"What's the matter, explain."

"I want you to make a choice: to conquer the world, or not to conquer the world.”

The Impostor explains the two choices. However, regardless of the choice, the story will end, even if it isn’t necessarily a happy ending. Still with no one able to control the spread of Despair Disease, his collusion with the Czech government, his refuge in Prague Castle and the fact the Imposter can’t kill him, everything is quite beneficial for Byakuya at the moment.

If he decides to conquer the world, it’s his win. The deadline is also in less than half an hour, if he fails to act the Imposter will continue on with it. During this time, the Imposter also shows off a pill. It can erase specific memories in people and the Imposter likens it to it being a K2K system of its own. It is the trump card of Despair High School. Byakuya doubts its authenticity, but the Imposter moves on. They will also kill the Kudan if he accepts to conquer the world. When Byakuya asks if he has to take the pill after accepting the choice to conquer the world, the Imposter says it’s the opposite. 

If he decides to not conquer the world, then, obviously, Byakuya loses.  As such, he will have to take the pill that erases his memory, plus it will also limit his talent to some extent in order to let the Despair High School operate more freely. In addition, his classmates who came to the Czech Republic will also have to take the drugs. When Byakuya says that they shouldn’t kill Shinobu, the Imposter responds that there isn’t a need for that. She has no memory of being the Kudan, and isn’t a Togami. However, that being said, they can’t allow her to continue to live her current life. She’ll have to get her memories erased and continue life with a new personality.

"Byakuya-sama!" I cried. "Please choose to conquer the world! My life is not important, and no matter what you choose, I will disappear anyway! Byakuya-sama, this kind of problem is one you don’t have to think about.."

"Yes, I don't even have to think about it," Byakuya nodded, "I’ve decided."

“Yes, decisively, you are the genuine gentleman. Then let us commence Byakuya Togami’s world domination with a small celebration..."

"Hmph, what are you talking about, I am not conquering the world."

9.

> Conquer the World

> Do not conquer the World

10.

"Byakuya-sama?"

"Don't despair. This conquest of the world is a product made entirely in accordance with their plans. I don't intend to accept such things," Byakuya explained in a light tone as usual. "If I choose to conquer the world here, it can indeed stop their actions. However, this is a loss of justice, since it is only temporary. Since the mastermind is another person, it is meaningless to defeat the guy who pretends to be one.”

Shinobu refutes this and says that a world under Byakuya would be one full of hope, but Byauya said it would be the opposite. He wouldn’t be able to stop the Mastermind, but just a few pawns, like the Imposter. The Mastermind would just need to find new ones, and that would be troublesome since it would be hard for Byakuya to find them again. Instead, if he decides to not conquer the world, to keep Despair High School on a limited path and to help usher in hope. Especially, since he isn’t a God after all. Something, Shinobu, tearfully, can’t accept.

Shinobu doesn’t think it’s the right choice, she doesn’t want Byakuya to take the medicine which will limit his talent. That would be true despair for her. Byakuya re-assures her that there is hope and points out these same people working for Despair High School will be guaranteed to be the ones to help bring about the ‘Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History’, which should be in the progress of starting soon. When Shinobu asks for proof, Byakuya points out that Despair High School wasn’t worried about the other numerous people that know of Shinobu’s true identity and how willing they were to just wipe the memories of the other 78th class members in Prague. They'll be taking their next event soon. He turns to the Imposter to confirm it. The Imposter makes no response, but his silence says everything. 

Byakuya makes an analogy concerning red tide. As a result of human activity, the nutrients given to plankton is too much thus resulting in abnormal proliferation. Thus, the sea turns red which has a negative impact on humanity. Shinobu wonders why he is going on an environmental lecture, but Byakuya states that it’s exactly what Despair High School is. And just like how plankton can be suppressed, so too can they suppress Despair’s proliferation by using hope. Even if Byakuya isn’t here to do so. Still, he believes that alongside his classmates, he will be able to beat the Mastermind. Course, when Shinobu brings up the fact the Mastermind is among his classmates, he is confident they’ll be able to weed them out, even if he won’t be at his full potential thanks to the medicine.

Shinobu doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want a world where Byakuya will be laughed at because of this. To this, Byakuya responds with:

"If they want to laugh, let them laugh. Even if I really become the four-eyed support character, I can also guide them forward. No matter what I become, I will guide them forward and I will stake the Togami name on it.”

"I don't understand, I don't understand anything..."

What the hell is he talking about ? He is not himself. Byakuya is still saying nothing. I can't understand his thoughts. I will disappear and I will end...is he not afraid?

"The most important thing is that if I don't choose to conquer the world, you can live on."

Shinobu doesn’t understand and says it doesn’t matter. His memories of her will be erased, and her entire memories will be wiped, effectively erasing her existence. The same as death. Byakuya informs her that she can face this. She overcame fiction. She can overcome the truth as well. She begs him not to do this, but he goes forward towards the Imposter, lamenting that he still had more things he wanted to tell her. He tells the Imposter to go ahead, earning his fake’s confusion. The world’s already near his grasp, why not take advantage of it. Byakuya says he was never hungry for world domination. He was satisfied as long as he was there and true to himself, something that the Imposter could never do.

"Because you are still a child," Byakuya smiled. "However, you can't always be a child. Someday you may need to guide others. At that time, you will understand my true intentions and be moved to tears."

"I don't feel like I can win ." 

“Oh, you accidentally said that already when you said you really didn't plan to conquer the world from the beginning."

"........."

"Your plan was to force me to choose not to conquer the world. To torture me right?  But unfortunately, things will not be as you wish. Byakuya Togami will never be so distressed as to scream and panic."

"...Eat the medicine. After a week, you may fall into a person who will be upset and scream and panic."

"Isn't that very cute? It is quite cute compared to the present, and that should be loved by others."

The Impostor says that it will take a few minutes to prepare the medicine, so he leaves them alone. But right before he leaves, the Imposter turns towards Byakuya. 

“This time, the world really was conquered beautifully.”

Mukuro, in a panic, lets Shinobu go and follows him. Shinobu and Byakuya are now alone. They say their final goodbyes to each other. Shinobu, tearfully, says it will be hard imagining a world without Byakuya and that she is grateful that he created her. Under Byakuya’s permission, she continues to talk and asks if he feels afraid. He says no, but admits he does feel lonely and he can’t imagine how it'll be after Shinobu is gone. Shinobu smiles and merely says she’s just his predecessor, that is one of the few things she knows better than Byakuya. Byakuya comments he’s further away from ever being God (something Shinobu denies) and that he has done everything he’s can. He’s sure Despair High School will fall in the future and Shinobu laments she won’t be able to see the world he conquered. Byakuya says he has no regrets for himself so far, as for Shinobu? She only regrets being unable to finish ‘Journey Under the Midnight Sun’ but she won’t complain again in the future. Why?

“Because Byakuya-sama is my God, and I...am your sister."

"Hey, that expression is very good, Blue Ink. It seems that you have got what you wanted."

That sentence made me acquire the last truth.

It’s a simple story. One young man decided to try to take over the world. After many repeated extraordinary adventures, the young man got what he wanted and was able to return home safe and sound. And he lived happily ever after.

This "young man", this “youth” is Byakuya-sama and is also me.

Now...I have to go back. I have to go home, and know that the world will not be conquered before I go home. Having said that, it’s only after I’m reborn will I head back to my destination. What kind of adventure will I go through? Where to go? It feels like I forgot to take the travel brochure before starting a school trip but, surprisingly, this feeling is not as hellishly painful as expected.

Byakuya asks for a change of glasses, since the one he is wearing is a bit deformed. Shinobu takes the deformed glasses and hands him a new pair. This gives her an idea. 

"Byakuya-sama...please accept this."

I handed him my pen.

Byakuya took the pen and put it in his coat’s chest pocket.

"Blue Ink."

"Yes."

"Working hard, you wrote ‘Journey Under the Midnight Sun’."

"Sorry, if the text is very poor. I wrote it with my best efforts."

The Imposter returns, annoying Shinobu since only three minutes have passed. The Imposter ignored it and handed Byakuya a mobile phone connected to all the loudspeakers over the world. “Use it to tell the truth to those fools.” says the Imposter. Byakuya accepts it without hesitation and speaks.

"It's me.

You looked at the boring 'Despair Novel' and enjoyed the taste of 'Despair Disease'. I want to tell you one thing now so let's make a long story short.

I gave up conquering the world.

So you give up, give up destroying the world, and then face the reality. To be moving forward in this world, the most effective thing is not destruction, but construction. Even you should know about that.

You've probably seen the 'Despair Novel', or maybe you were going to, but it doesn't actually trigger a 'Despair Disease'.

It's just an ordinary book.

It's just an ordinary story.

It's just an ordinary fictional work.

It doesn't have any effects whatsoever.

The ‘Despair Novel’ doesn't have the ability to make people crazy, and you know this very well. Although you know it in your heart, you just deceive yourself and think that you really are crazy. You want to destroy this unsatisfactory world and fall into a 'Despair Disease'. In the midst of your enthusiasm, you believe that this is an opportunity to escape the world and join this big riot.

Don't do stupid things again, return to your real self.

Go study, go to work, let people move forward, don't find about some boring excuses to escape, don't get bored with boring thoughts, don't talk about boring complaints, don't worry about it, don't find some boring companions in the status quo, don't yell ‘This is a boring world’ to give up.

The world will continue.

The world will not end.

As long as you can use your heart, your body, your own memory in the right way, live in the right place, the world is driven by you, and don't forget this fact.

Tomorrow is Monday, the beginning of a week. The opportunity to cheer you up is close at hand. Why would you want to escape this opportunity?

Do you really want to do that?

Goodnight." [2]

 This is the truth.

Just looking at that book that can make people crazy, the system of slaughter in human DNA, and the unknown insects that control the human brain. Free-spirited plot developments like those do not exist in this world. A book is a book. A story is a story. Life is life. No more, no less.

I remembered what K said. I remembered that he said that the 'Despair Disease' may be the same type of lie as Borges. The ordinary people who did not install the K2K system, they lied to and completely deceived themselves as an excuse. They did not despair. In this world that advances according to one's own wishes, in order to escape the life that was difficult to move forward, they took the initiative to suffer from the fictional “Despair Disease", and only saw the reality that they wanted to see. One day they will be judged, just like myself. [3]

"Oh, we have long known that the 'Despair Novel' has no effect. Those guys just started to make trouble after reading an ordinary book. This is worthy of being the forerunner of 'The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History’'. I saw it. It was really despairing. They really are a bunch of hopeless fools. However, listen to this Mr. Authentic... this is humanity. Despair is like a virus. [4] Do you believe hope can really stop it?" The Imposter took out two vials. "These are common sleeping pills. To let you fall asleep, and then work after you fall asleep. Do not worry. I promise not to hurt you, because I am your admirer ......heh."

Silently, Byakuya took the vials. After grabbing them, he gave one of them to me. I ended up ingesting the medicine. Although I felt a little lonely, there was nothing to fear. Because I still had hope, so there was nothing to be afraid of. Byakuya and I drank the liquid in the bottle at the same time. I will be another me. Maybe one day I will meet with Byakuya. I hope that I can meet with him, with it being the two of us over the conquered world. I pray in my heart, as if this was a prophecy. With this, I am finished.

Ok, everyone, I wish you a good dream.

Good Night.

           ([Journey Under The Midnight Sun] The End)

//////////////////////////////////////////////

  | This text was written and created by the K2K System ver 2.3 |

 /////////////////////////////////////////////

Translation notes:

[1] Before you ask about Hagakure, his japanese title is more like “Shaman” than “Fortune-teller”, or “Clairvoyant”. Plus his success rate is only 30% not 100%.

[2] Weirdly relevant speech for 2020 IMO.

[3] TLDR: Both the Despair Novel and the Despair Disease were just part of Borges Unreality (basically). Interesting parallel to Junko’s speech in DR3.

[4] “Junko “They have become me, my poison proxy’s waiting to be unleashed, ready to spread despair like a virus, infecting everything.

Mukuro: A Virus?

Junko: It’s a very simple metaphor dumbass.

← cut unneeded dialogue →

Izuru: Despair in Memetic Waves?

Junko: Bingo, everything is a virus. Fashion trends, taste in movies, social media hashtags.

Izuru: Ideas, Philosophy, Art, Culture. They live and die by the Meme. An infection.”

Good to see that Yuya Sato is making use of the speech in a weird fake literal twist.

[Extra] Interesting to note this seems to be the end of a story that Borges was writing. What is fiction? What is the truth? Is the Kudan real, or was that also made up by Borges? (I’ll get back to that that next summary, yes there is still more left in this book)

To Be Continued.

https://drmedicsgamesurgery.tumblr.com/GameSurgeryDRTranslations

[carlottastudios]

Please Read 2.0 Part 4: EUAAAEO

That mess of vowels that served as a title stands for Expelling Unnecessary Accounts And Altering Existing Ones. Because that’s basically what this whole bit of news is about. I was originally going to have it split into multiple parts, but they’re all similar enough that I changed my mind. So, straight to the chase: I find that I have too many social media accounts and I think it’s time to change the ones I will continue to have. Now, I know that it’s a good marketing strategy to have as many social media accounts as possible, but honestly? I’m willing to risk my marketing taking a hit in exchange for maintaining my sanity. And actually? I’ve not gotten rid of as many accounts as you might think (not as many as I want to, that’s for sure). Only 2, Wattpad and Fanfiction.net. Yes, my longer being on Wattpad means I no longer have access to stories posted there. But I never honestly liked using Wattpad, whether for reading or posting, so I really only held onto the account because I felt I had to. Really, I just needed an excuse to delete it. There are some stories there that I am sad that I’ll never get to read again, but *shrugs* that’s something I can live with. As for fanfiction.net, I just don’t feel like risking going against their rules, particularly when it comes to rating. I know that some have gotten away with posting lists or explicit smut and stuff on there, but still. It is a risk, and I’d rather not end up pushing my luck too far and facing the wrath of FF.net’s admins. So, there’s that. Also, no, I didn’t actually delete my FF.net account, because they don’t actually let you delete accounts over there. But I have altered it so I can’t sign in there anymore. On the plus-side, this means the stories over there are still up so you can still read my first 20+ fics over there if you want. Just know that I won’t be able to interact with anyone over there. Next up are some accounts that I’m not deleting, but I will no longer be active on as a creator: DeviantART, YouTube and Facebook. Yes, I’m still very unhappy with DA Eclipse and I would rather use it as little as humanly possible. So, even after my hiatus, I won’t be posting there anymore save for rare exceptions (like if I made a post for/inspired by/in collaboration with my brother, who is still on DA). I also won’t be super-active there in terms of messaging and chatting, partly because I just prefer Tumblr’s PM method now. So, yeah, as sad as I am to mostly-leave my first ever platform, I’ve finally settled on this decision and I’ve made my peace with it. I like to think of it as my “growing up and leaving the nest” kind of thing. Again, not abandoning DA entirely, but it will no longer be my primary and most active social media platform. For YouTube, it’s more that I just don’t want to make AMVs anymore, and, quite honestly, I think a lot of that has to do with Raptor of the Opera. It was just such a long, grueling and so negative experience that it just put me off making AMVs and soured the whole hobby for me. Video-editing is a lot of work and I sincerely applaud those who make it their livelihood! I also know that it can be very fun work, and I will admit that I had lots of fun moments when making AMVs in the past. But it’s not quite enough fun for me in comparison with all of the effort and work that I have to put into it. Add onto that the negative experiences and emotions now associated with AMV-making for me, and I hope you can understand why I’m not doing it anymore. But another reason I don’t plan to make videos anymore (at least for the foreseeable future) is because that’s just not the content I want to focus on. It’s not my most important content or the kind of content I want to be famous for making. I’m a writer. My writing is what I care most about and, when I get back from my hiatus, I want to focus more on writing and making more written content. It won’t be easy, and I admit that I still love drawing and will doubtless continue drawing a lot, but this is what I want to put more time and effort into, and I feel it’s more worth it than any of my videos, whether it’s AMVs, MFMs (dear god, someone please explain to me why those are my most popular videos *epic facepalm*) or Speedpaints. So, yeah, I’ll still be on YouTube a lot (maybe more than I should be, honestly, that site is just so distracting) to comment and like and stuff, and my old videos will still be there. I just won’t be posting any new videos, at least not for a LOOOOONNNG time. BTW: I’ve put all of my old videos into a playlist, and I’m thinking of making said videos Unlisted, so you can only view or find them via the playlist. Maybe. I haven’t quite settled on that decision yet. As for Facebook, I think I’ve made it no secret at this point that I just DO NOT like Facebook! Honestly, if I felt I could get away with it, I would delete my Facebook account entirely. But I still need it for IRL stuff on occasion, so *sigh* better safe than sorry. Someday, though, I’ll be happy to kick that account to the curb. Which leaves the sites I will be remaining very active on: Pinterest, Tumblr and ArchiveOfOurOwn. Pinterest because I really like it and it’s a great place for me to gather images that inspire me or that make me feel better when I’m down (I have an entire section of one of my boards dedicated entirely to Keith Kogane because that boy is my self-care and I’ll be making a similar board for Karna because he is my emotional-support-husbando). Tumblr because, despite being a hellsite, I’ve come to enjoy my own little corner there, because I met my best friends there (and because I like the PM system there, though not as much as Discord), because I can find a surprisingly huge amount of good content there and because, since I’m dropping DA, it’s the next best thing I’ve got to a place where I can post all of my content. And ArchiveOfOurOwn because…actually, do I even need a reason? As long as people are smart enough to tag everything appropriately, it’s pretty fucking fantastic! So, yeah, when my quasi-hiatus is over, I’ll be back to posting frequently on these sites. Until then, I’m afraid I don’t have much else to say about this. I guess I…hope you guys will follow me on Tumblr, Pinterest and Ao3 because that’s where you’ll see me most once I’m fully back? *shrugs* You do you, guys. Thanks for reading/watching this, stay safe and take care of yourselves in this crazy world of ours! (oh, and if you’ve been reading/watching all of the parts so far, stay strong, there’s only one left, then you’re free)

[tommyparkerr]

Promises BONUS II | Peter Parker x Reader

I’m back with a second bonus y’all! Some of you have been asking for it, so here it is! I want to thank @laureharrier for being both my hype woman and the one keeping me sane when Tumblr decides to throw all kinds of sh*t at me like the little sh*t it is.

Anyways, sorry about that (I still have some residual anger leftover from my *situation*, so...yeah)! There’ll only be one more bonus left after this (at least, from what I have planned), but thank you to all of you who are sticking with me after all this time! This is for you!:)

Words: 2.7k

Warnings: Tears (but happy ones), Peter being a little sh*t, Irondad, fluff, and basically everything soft that doesn’t constitute a warning

-Masterlist-

P R O M I S E S  -  B O N U S  T W O :

Tony wasn’t sure what’d woken him at first. His heart wasn’t racing and he wasn’t sweating, so it wasn’t from a nightmare; his mind was strangely quiet along with the rest of the Tower, so it wasn’t because of the noise; Pepper was sleeping peacefully next to him, a soft smile on her face, so it wasn’t because of his wife’s missing presence.

He didn’t know why he’d woken up. But he did know that he wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon.

As quiet as possible, Tony carefully rolled out of bed and exited the bedroom, headed toward the kitchen where he could make himself some coffee at—he glanced at the clock—two-thirty in the morning. However, his plans changed when he went to pass through what was supposed to be an empty living room. 

The faint sound of a turning page caused him to stop in his tracks, looking toward the noise. 

A figure sat curled up on the couch (well, as curled up as she could be with a pregnant belly), glasses on her face and hair in a half-hearted bun as she intently read whatever book was in her hands. Tony’s chest went warm at the sight of his daughter-in-law wearing his son’s baggy MIT sweatshirt and old gym shorts.

After a couple moments’ of debating whether he should tiptoe back to his room and leave her be, he decided there was never a better time than 2:30am to get some bonding time in with his adopted daughter.

God, Rhodey was right—he had gone soft.

“You do realize it’s 2:30 in the morning, right?” he asked, keeping his voice low enough not to disturb the others on the floor but loud enough for Y/N to hear. She startled, whipping her head around and straightening up to peek over the back of the couch. She looked relieved to see it was him (versus Peter, he was guessing, who was more than overprotective of his wife and child-to-be at this point in the pregnancy) and relaxed immediately, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose.

“I do.”

“Then why are you still up?” he said with a raised eyebrow. “Isn’t being nine months pregnant supposed to make you tired all the time or something?”

Y/N smirked. “I’m pretty sure the same applies to being old, Grandpa Pops.”

Tony raised his hands in surrender, chuckling as he went on his original route to the kitchen. “Touché, Ms. Parker.”

Other than a small laugh from her, the soft sounds of Tony getting the tea kettle out, and the turning of pages, the room went quiet again. Though his daughter was hiding the dark circles under her eyes far too expertly for him to be comfortable with, Tony was used to the technique of using humor to cover up whatever he was facing—whether that be sleep deprivation, a constant state of anxiety, or visions of being thrown into his worst nightmares over and over again, he knew the tactic well, and he wasn’t about to let someone else get away with it.

He wondered if maybe this was why he’d woken up.

When the tea was finished (no coffee since Tony knew Y/N couldn’t have much caffeine), he traipsed over to the couch and offered one of the steaming mugs to the obviously exhausted woman across from him. She laid her book down and took it with a grateful smile, muttering a small, “Thank you,” and taking a sip. They drank in silence for awhile, looking out the window at the nightscape of New York City. Tony saw it every night, but rarely did he take the time to appreciate it; now, with nothing else to do, he could. As he turned to look at the girl beside him, looking unusually small in Peter’s clothes (where he remembered the MIT sweatshirt had once been his, but Peter had stolen it years ago before he went to school and had now seemingly made its way down to the next person), he couldn’t help but open his mouth.

“Sometimes I forget that you married into this family,” Tony said softly, seeing her confused look out of the corner of his eye. “You have so much Parker in you that it’s like you’ve been here all along. I can barely remember the days you and Peter weren’t glued to the other’s hip.”

A mischievous smile adorned her lips. “Are you sure that isn’t because of old age, too?” Tony finally looked at her with a knowing look, his eyebrows raised as he took another sip of his tea. The smile didn’t drop, but rather morphed into something softer as she looked back toward the city. “May told me that, too. But you’re leaving out one important thing.”

“Oh?” Tony said with a amused glint in his eye, fully expecting another round of sarcasm to break through. “And what is that, may I ask?”

“That by marrying Peter, I’m not just a Parker; I’m a Stark, too. I think both of the Parkers made that pretty clear to me from day one,” she said, her tone soft and loving. “You did, too, though it was never verbal.”

Tony’s smile had dropped, a sudden burning in his eyes replacing it. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and said, a crack in his voice, “Come here, kiddo.”

Y/N turned to see his arm raised and smiled before scooting closer and ducking underneath it, resting her head on his shoulder. “If I spill any of my scalding hot tea on your cashmere robe, it’s your fault.”

Tony snorted, his tears crawling back into their holding places. “I wouldn’t dream it any other way.”

This time it was quiet until they had both finished their tea, setting the empty mugs on the empty table in front of them. He’d clean that up later, but for now he was perfectly content. He let the silence go on a little longer before he squeezed Y/N’s arm and spoke up again.

“I’m guessing Peter has no idea you haven’t been sleeping?”

She pursed her lips. “How do you know I haven’t been sleeping?”

“I think the raccoon look speaks for itself, kiddo,” Tony said, pointing under his own eyes for reference. “That is if I didn’t already know what sleep deprivation looked like.”

A small sigh. “No. No, he doesn’t. And you’re not going to tell him, either.”

“Woah now, tiger,” Tony said defensively. “No one said I was going to.” She looked down at her now empty hands, picking at her nails in order to keep them busy. Tony frowned and nudged her arm again. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Suddenly her eyes filled with tears and her hands flew up to try to keep them from overflowing. “I’m sorry—God, I’m such a mess. I’m sorry.” Tony, who once would have been freaked out by even the slight glistening of one’s eye, didn’t bat a lash at the influx of tears. Only worry rose from it. 

“Honey-”

“I’m okay,” she interrupted. At his look of disbelief she shook her head with a wobbly smile. “Really, I am. I just—I’m super emotional right now and my hormones are dialed up to, like, eleven, or twelve, maybe possibly thirteen and a half. Any little thing can set me off already, but being sleep deprived probably doesn’t help. And you’ve never called me ‘honey’ before, just ‘kiddo’ or ‘Ms. Parker’ or other little nicknames—not that I mind, of course, because I really do feel like I’m just as important to this family as anyone else when you give me nicknames—and I guess it just kinda struck the sentimental part of me. I’m sorry.”

Tony couldn’t help but chuckle, adjusting them so he could get both arms around her. When he thought about it, he couldn’t remember any other time he’d called Y/N ‘honey’, which seemed crazy to him since he’d referred to her as that particular endearment many times in his own head. “No need to apologize, kiddo. I’ve seen hormones in action and know of way less that’s made a girl cry. In fact, I’d say you’re keeping everything contained pretty well; you haven’t even screamed at me once when I manage to burn the omelets every morning.”

A watery laugh escaped her, muffled by his chest. “I do in my head.”

It was Tony’s turn to laugh now, holding her a little tighter as he placed a kiss on her head. “And for that, I applaud you. Pepper’s not even pregnant and she yells at me—not in her head, may I add—every day.” A giggle, then just periodic sniffles. Tony gave her a little bit of time before pushing again. “Now, do you wanna tell me why you aren’t sleeping at night?”

It was quiet for a long while—long enough that Tony thought she either hadn’t heard him or had chosen to ignore the question—before she answered. “I don’t know. I just...I lay down and I’m so completely exhausted that it should be easy, and Peter falls asleep easy enough and I’m just stuck inside my own head thinking about the next month and how we could become parents at any minute, and even though we already have a name picked out for her and we talk to her every night, it’s going to be so much different when she’s actually born, right? And then-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Tony interrupted, pulling back to look at Y/N with a sparkle in his eye. She frowned, her eyes widening a moment later as she realized her mistake. “She?”

“Um…” She swallowed, her cheeks turning a slight shade of pink. “Yes?”

A wide grin spread across Tony’s lips, struggling to contain the burst of happiness at the news. “I thought you said you were going to wait until the baby was born to find out the gender,” he said, his entire face lit up. It made Y/N smile, and suddenly she didn’t feel so guilty that she’d let that piece of information slip.

“We were,” she answered. “But then we decided we didn’t want to wait and didn’t tell anyone else in order to keep it a surprise for them.”

“So it’s a girl?” he asked, and Y/N laughed at his giddy excitement. 

“Yes,” she said with a smile. “You’re going to have a granddaughter.”

Tony pulled her in for another hug. Then, as the rest of her confession rolled back through his brain, he realized that wasn’t the only important information she’d let slip. “Can I tell you something, kiddo?” A soft hum was the only confirmation he needed to continue. “I know you’re nervous about this whole parenting thing, and God, I don’t think there’ll ever be a day where parenting isn’t nerve wracking, but as long as you love that little girl with all your heart and show that love to her every day, I think you’re going to be just fine.” 

Y/N looked up at him, her lips wobbling. “I’m afraid I’m going to be a bad mom.”

“You won’t be,” Tony said without hesitation.

“But how do you know?”

A soft smile graced Tony’s lips. “Because what I said about loving her with all your heart and showing that every day? You’re already doing that, which kind of makes you the best mom in the whole world, and that little girl is so lucky to have you.”

Now Y/N broke down, quickly shoving her face back into Tony’s shoulder to stifle her cries and (hopefully) keep from waking anyone else. Tony closed his eyes and gently rocked her, rubbing her back in small circles. 

“Thank you,” she later said, tears still clogging up her voice. “For everything. For taking me in and loving me like you would your own and making me tea at two in the morning and letting us all move in so you can help out with the baby and keep an eye on me while Peter can’t and for walking me down the aisle because my dad and mom couldn’t be there to do that or to see their grandchild be born and—I just...thank you,” she finished breathlessly. 

Tony lovingly placed another kiss on her head. “What else are dads for?”

“You know,” Y/N laughed, sniffling as she did, “if you didn’t know this baby was a girl, I’d say you were buttering me up to name her after you.”

“Who says I’m not?” Tony joked. “I think Anthony Parker has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

Taking Tony by surprise, Y/N pulled out of his hold and grabbed his hand, moving it to rest on her stomach. Tony blinked in awe as he felt his granddaughter kick, mesmerized by the life just inches away from him. 

“How does Mary-Jane Virginia Parker sound?” Y/N quietly asked, watching her father-in-law carefully to gauge his reaction. He didn’t speak for a few moments, tears gathering in his eyes at all of his granddaughter’s namesakes—Peter’s mother, one of the couple’s best and lifelong friends, and Pepper—Pepper-

This time, he didn’t even try to fight it when a tear slipped down his cheek. “It sounds perfect.”

“I never thought I’d see the day my wife made the almighty Tony Stark cry,” came a voice from the hallway. They both startled, whipping their heads around to see Peter casually leaning against the wall, arms crossed and hair mussed from sleep, wearing a small, amused smile. “Though, if anyone were to do it, I suppose she would be the one to.”

Instead of responding, Tony simply rolled his eyes and scooted over, patting the newfound space between him and Y/N. “Get over here, you twit.”

Peter chuckled but made his way over anyway, plopping on the cushions and putting a protective arm around his wife. Y/N leaned into him, looking sheepish at being caught but not all too apologetic. 

“So much for that secret, huh?” Peter said teasingly, kissing her forehead to assure her he wasn’t really mad. 

“If it makes you feel any better,” Tony said, his eyes still lit up in joy, “I’m an excellent secret keeper.”

Peter scoffed. “Yeah, to everyone but May and Pepper.”

Tony faked outrage. “Hey now! That’s no way to talk to your old man!” Peter gave him a look that said, ‘Am I wrong?’ while Y/N giggled, and Tony huffed. “I only tell them my secrets when they know I’m keeping one.”

“Oh, and that’s the only time you ever let a secret spill, huh?” 

“Listen here, smartass-“ Cutting himself off, Tony grabbed Peter away from Y/N and wrestled him into a headlock. Peter simultaneously was laughing and trying to push him away as Tony gave him a noogie, messing up his hair even more.  

Once Peter finally shoved him away, all three of them were laughing and it was the greatest sound Tony had ever heard, especially after the recent hardship his son and daughter-in-law had gone through. He and several others were worried when it didn’t resolve within the first few days and even more so when they heard that the word ‘divorce’ was thrown around once—once, and only once, but that was enough. And he had hoped it wouldn’t come to that, because he knew he’d stand by Peter’s side no matter what, but leaving the girl he’d practically adopted as his own behind would take its own toll on him. 

Sometimes Tony still worried. With every little fight and every raised voice, his anxiety rose. But seeing Peter and Y/N now, the former kissing Y/N’s cheek with a smile while the latter continued to giggle, Tony knew everything would be okay. 

With no warning the man swept both of them into a hug, kissing the tops of their heads. “I love you, kiddos,” he said quietly.

“I love you, too,” they both replied, Peter wrapping his arms around his father figure. Y/N followed close behind, though she couldn’t squeeze him as tight due to her protruding belly. 

“Mary-Jane loves you, too, Grandpa Pops,” Y/N said quietly, making all three pairs of eyes in the room water. And for once, Tony was actually looking forward to what life handed him next, because Mary-Jane Virginia Parker was loved, and she was perfect.

---

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[sunsetcurve]

My favorite flowers are Lily of the valley, jasmine, lavender, and lilies, so whatever questions go with those.

okay so this gets super long and super personal i’m so sorry sgdjdj

jasmine: what mythical creature do you wish actually existed?

dragons. definitely dragons. i don’t know what it is about them, but i have always loved the aesthetic of them. the flying, the diversity in designs, the powers. i find it really cool that almost every form of mythology from around the world has some version of them. just, dragons man.

lavender: soundcloud or vinyls?

hm, neither? i’m a spotify person because i am obsessed with making playlists. i have minimal experience with both of the above.

lily of the valley: did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?

this is actually a really difficult question to answer. i’ve always been the type of person to avoid conflict when i can and i hate leaving things unresolved, so either i fix things or i stop caring about the person who hurt me. i’ve never been able to get close to people who can’t resolve conflict or admit their mistakes anyway.

but i think the one person that has hurt me the most is someone who i used to be really really close friends with, and they didn’t apologize. i think, though, that’s because they weren’t aware of how much they were hurting me—it was less of a big conflict and more of a series of disappointments.

see, i’ve been friends with them since we were six years old. we went to different middle schools but managed to keep in touch, and reconnected at the beginning of high school. they had changed a lot by that point, had turned to stuff like weed and alcohol, which they way i was raised i didn’t approve of—but while i tried to talk them out of it, they were also going through some serious mental health issues at the time, and they wouldn’t be convinced, so i saw it as more important to be there for them as a friend. well. things kept escalating from there. they tried to sell their adderall—i did manage to talk them out of that—and got increasingly volatile. i was trying to distance myself from them but they called me a lot saying stuff about how i was their only friend and they needed me. and i couldn’t pull away from them; they were seriously considering suicide at the time. and not just that, we had been friends for so long and i did, and do, care about them a lot.

but then like. sophomore year my dad got cancer. and after i spent all of the year before helping them get through their time, they never once checked up on me. i’m not trying to say they had an obligation to help me because i helped them, i don’t believe that, but...they forgot. that my dad was in the hospital with cancer. this person that i had been friends with for ten years at that point didn’t even care about what i was going through, didn’t even make it a point to even remember it. i had friends i made that year bringing me food and calling me and asking if i or my family needed anything. and i went over to this persons house over the summer, this person i have known for ten years to the extent that our families are close friends and know each other, and their parents didn’t know. this was months after i had told them. they hadn’t even told their parents, who know my family, because again, we’ve been friends for ten years.

oh. and then they tried to smoke a cigarette in front of me. while my dad was in the hospital with cancer.

after he passed away they didn’t send me anything. they didn’t call me or ask if i was okay or say anything to me. it was a really sharp realization for me about who in my life really cares about me.

anyway, they didn’t apologize, because i almost entirely stopped talking to them after that. i didn’t confront them because i didn’t want to cause drama and i didn’t think we could fix things after that anyway. we had a few interactions because we had classes together, but i avoided them for the most part so we haven’t spoken for a few months now.

sorry i went on for so long and got so personal? and i applaud you if you’re still reading this. evidently there are things i needed to get off of my chest.

lilly: what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do?

henry danger lmao. like, i have this blog and i post about it constantly, but the only people who know me in person that know i watch it are my sister, who judges me harshly but would do that anyway, and my girlfriend, who is the sweetest person on earth and supportive of me in whatever i’m interested in. other than that, i’m perfectly content with keeping this side of my life strictly for my tumblr friends.

[blackwoolncrown]

that incel post used "autistic" as an insult and called someone a f*g, why is everybody reblogging it like it's heartwarming that this homophobic jerk finally got a social life without ever unlearning his toxic shit? Like incels are dangerous bc of their fucked up social values, this guy moved out of a depressive stage in his life but he clearly still holds those values and I don't get why we're supposed to be applauding him

1: Thank you for pointing that out. I reblogged that on mobile which is harder for me to see on, and greentext is p hard for me to read, so I skimmed that post bc I’ve seen ones like it and this time I wanted to reblog one, but those are violent terms so I deleted it; sorry for the stress that may have caused you or anyone.

2: ‘Everybody’ isn’t reblogging it.

3: I want to focus on the latter part of your ask here because your phrasing ‘without ever unlearning his toxic shit’ is irrelevant and false. That person is not done, grown or dead. People you see progressing through their garbage are all in a state of progress. It’s absolutely fair for you to feel the way you feel, but the assertion that  ‘everyone’s reblogging it’ while he’s not pure and unproblematic yet isn’t quite…relevant.

4: This is a bad example (that post) but it does still stand- as someone who used to be on 4chan waaaay back (I left before it got super horrible apparently but it was ALWAYS horrible to be around, some boards were just less incel than others), it’s inherently a huge step for the kind of idiot boys it radicalizes and traps to understand that 4chan isn’t awesome, to understand that it feels bad to engage the way they were, and to recognize they were in a depressive slump.

And I’m pretty sure with all the recovery posts on here we can understand that just because you make a turnaround doesn’t mean you’re at the destination.

I want you to imagine that being a 4chan incel is like sitting on a giant pile of horse shit. They get used to the horse shit. To us it smells awful but to them it’s  home. Now, it may occur to someone to move off of the horse shit, but it’s a pretty huge pile. The horse shit is deep and sticky and wading through it is an effort. When you’re done wading through the horse shit, it’s still all over you and you still smell like shit and you’re still just inches away from the shit. Anyone judging you would rightfully say you are covered in shit and you reek.

But you’re not in shit anymore. And you’ve recognized you want to leave it.

The dude in that greentext was off the pile, but not out of his shit. Believe it or not human beings are not static, they are not done, and in fact that greentext was written at some point in the past. On this very day, he could have grown so much more, and if you found him, he might be at a point where he regrets the things he’s said and the fact that they’re out on the internet forever.

What people are going to have to understand is that bad people do bad things usually because they’re fucked up and if they ever make a move towards progress without having hit rock bottom first, that’s great. And unfortunately all of their progress at first is going to look like utter shit.

But we do need them to do it.

That dude won’t be able to learn how to fully be a decent human being until he can do the work. And he can’t do the work if he’s depressed, sitting on 4chan.

So like I said, sorry, that’s fair, and god do I ever just…not like tumblr on mobile (I have some screen adjustments that just make it worse).

And lastly:

5: No one is ‘supposed’ to do anything. You can see things on the internet and not react, because no one is actually saying what to do. In fact that specfic post, OP was just saying they were happy for the dude, not what anyone else should do or feel. There are probably going to be a lot of young people turning away from certain net circles of chan bullshit, and they’re probably going to be patting each other on the back for leaving parts of it while still embodying others, because it’s a process and they were in one of if not THE worst websites on this side of the web. They’re going to be problematic af, so fair warning to everyone. Because we’ll have to find some way to discourse around that/them without radicalizing them back to their shit piles the way they ended up there in the first place: shame.

*I say around bc I am NOT suggesting ‘hey everyone be nice to ppl who use slurs bc they may have come from 4chan! They don’t know better uwu pls just talk to them ;)’. I am saying open circulating discourse needs to be had around this so they can see and continue learning their way off of the pile.

[masshirohebi-moved]

GAME OVER (Hit me with your best shot!)

Send ‘GAME OVER’ to get a glimpse of one of the worse possible endings that can happen to my muse in their life regarding your muse.// @super-kame-loveTheir figure is lost amid the sea of scrolls that cover their room, lining the floor and every elevated surface. They lose themself in these words because as it so often happened, they and Kame were once more verbally battling in this endless war of who was to blame. So when the opportunity arose for a one-man mission came up, it hadn’t surprised them that Aina took it. That she snatched the assignment and was gone before anyone truly had a chance to say goodbye. And they can only assume she will be battering her head against a tree before soothing herself with solitude and nature.That would be her way of coping with the constant tension, while the serpent would sit lost in their work. Ignoring basic needs and holing themself away to complete research that needn’t be done with such tenacity. But despite the constant fighting, the Sannin never liked her going on missions alone. Never enjoyed the idea that she would be in the outside elements. She was far too naive for them to trust, that she may fall victim to her own delusions, that she may overlook a danger or error. So they send her with one of their companions despite her wish to be alone. A small summon, that could at least alert the viper should something go wrong. And they think it is only fair, she didn’t want human company. Surely the small bronze snake would not be a nuisance. And it would only be two days later that the small reptile returns, that a message is delivered for them to come to her aid. That she is writing to them without quite knowing if they will arrive in time to hear her goodbye from her own lips. That she is succumbing to injuries after a battle. After completing the mission. That the home she has taken refuge in is doing all they can to spare her, but that she is losing her hope it will be enough. It’s a sensation that has their blood running cold for the first time in years. Where they can not hide the shock that has clawed at every bone in their body, restricting their lungs, forcing them to take sharper breaths.It isn’t even a moment of thinking, for them to abandon every scroll that had seemed so bitterly important moments ago. To dart through a labyrinth like maze, to cut through endless forestry. A small figure nimble as ever amid large branches, amid muddied floors. But there is no certainty they will get there in time, not to wish her goodbye - for that would never placate them, but to save her. There is, after all, too much to apologize for. And while ones life would usually flash before their eyes during their own death, it would appear they could experience the same thing while in limbo about the death of someone they held dear.

“I’ll tell ya what. For somebody who reads so much…you can be a right awful fool.” she says.“And I’ll tell you what, for someone who cries at the smallest injustice in the world, you can be quite the callous bitch,” they say, a smile ever so false coming to their lips.

To think the had spent so much of that time with her in bars, spewing venomous words back and forth. Trying to cut the other deeper with verbal insults and mockery, with judgement and accusation.

“tell me how you actually feel for once.” she asks, ambitious as ever to get through their impenetrable defenses. But she never manages to break inside fully, only ever seeing a glimpse more than others, but a glimpse too little to make sense of them.“Tell me, has being honest about your feelings ever gone well for you?” they ask, “I hide my feelings because it’s better that way. For me, for you, and for everybody else.”

To think they had never once told her how they felt in a clean and transparent manner, that they had hidden every word in a lie, dressed up every truth in an elaborate disguise. That after so many times she had proven her loyalty, they had remained masked, hiding away.

“I’m so sorry! I am so so so sorry! I-I-I didn’ mean it when I said nobody can stand you longer than a night! Well, I��I did mean it but–b-but I’s angry an’ hurt an’…I really thought you wanted me t’ do what I did ‘c-c-cause you like it when somebody’s bold an’ forceful! An’ then when you r'jected me anyway, I…Orochimaru, I love you! If I could spend ev'ry single night with you, I would! B-but that ain’t what'cha wanna hear right now, is it…? I’m sorry. Please don’ stop bein’ my friend. P-please don’ leave me alone again…what can I do t’ r'deem myself?”But the viper barely even looks up to give this moment the seriousness it demands.“You needn’t do anything,” they respond, their focus remaining on their previous activity. Golden eyes never leaving the vial in their hand, a liquid far too garish a colour to be safe, “we’ve done this song and dance enough times by now dear. I’ll save this moment for the next time I mess something up. It’s bound to happen eventually. And then the score will be equal. Now pass me the empty vial to your left won’t you?”

To think they never did accept her apologies, nor her shows of affections, nor her promises of devotion. That they had brushed it all of, that they had thought themself safe if they were indifferent.

“Do you know how sad you look sometimes?” she says.Caught red handed, exposed under her gaze. Revealed to be human when they so desperately cloaked themself in the skins of the innocent they damned, trying to appear monstrous. A camouflage to keep them safe. And they have only one answer, when worn eyes give evidence to her words, a weak but stubborn reply. “I’m just in thought.”

To think they hadn’t realized they could hide all they wanted, but that she knew them more intimately than those who had known them since a child. That no matter how fiercely they guarded their heart… she already had possession of it.What should take them a day only takes them hours, though it feels far more endless when they fear her death every passing second. The house that is mapped out for them is soon clear in sight, and they don’t hesitate to take a few adrenaline fueled steps inside. Panting, labored breaths that have their chest falling in and out frantically, hair losing its usual shimmer and damp with sweat. Eyes disbelieving, as if they are desperate for a sign they will not lose her. But when they push the door open, and their form enters in to the middle of the room, they are not greeted by what they thought they would be.She is there, sitting uninjured, with an unreadable emotion marking her eyes. Is it pity? Anger? Apology? It takes them a moment too long to realize what has happened, as they slowly look away from her and around the room. Seals mark every inch, faint, but noticeable if one paid close attention. Inked markings that snake along the ceiling, walls and floor. Seals that instantly have their chakra frozen, immobilized. And they are still trying to piece it together for themself, until the approach of Konoha shinobi arrive, until Aina moves away from her chair, ever in good health, and goes to stand by Tsunade.It takes them a few moments to react, to allow themself to register that their friend had never been in danger. That their friend had turned them in to the Hidden Leaf, that she had helped them lure the serpent in to this trap. A smile cracks upon their lips, a laugh only half formed falling from them. And it is almost as if they are impressed, a deranged form of applauding Aina. Golden eyes meet honey brown ones, they do not acknowledge anyone else in the room. Even if their fate hangs on the shoulders of the Fifth Hokage and her platoon. Even if the group of shinobi approach to detain the serpent, able to ensnare them without the risk of being killed. For a snake is no threat after it has been defanged. And Aina had ripped each incisor from sharpened jaws without their notice.“My my, that was quite the show Kame. You truly had me fooled.”They don’t resist the arrest, for they know any movement will have this rapidly changing in to an execution. Compliance may be the only way to spare themself in this moment, as their arms are roughly tugged behind their back, as a small device is buried in and around their wrist to feed on their chakra and control it. As every precaution known is laced around their form to prevent them having an ounce of an opportunity to fight back. And they know, they should feel hurt by this betrayal. They should feel as if their entire world had come crumbling down around them. They should feel a fool for having ever trusted, a child for having fallen in to an obvious trap. But none of those feelings surface, and it is a daze like state they are not quite sure they wish to fall out of. But there is one promise in their eyes, and a promise they offer her.“It won’t be long before you get yours, my dear. Traitors like us don’t get to win.”

[macgyvermedical]

Thanks to the Grass Pea: A “Seeds + Permafrost + Feather” Review

Listen.

Listen.

That’s the sound of them messing with me.

Like, when season 4 comes out its going to be perfectly scientifically accurate and it’s going to come out that they’ve just been messing with me specifically this whole time. Just me. Just Ross. Just to get my reaction. They’re going to hire someone to knock on my door, slow clap for a few minutes, and leave.

It’s going to be really embarrassing.

Anyway.

Despite the lengths they go to not name the poison (literally they just call it “the poison” a lot), this was no ordinary handwavy science ep. Someone sunk time and energy into this. Not for the general public, oh no, but for people who wanted to dig in deep. People like me who were willing and really wanted to know what the hell was going on and what was at stake.

Watching this episode and digging into it on google afterwards was was like a little scavenger hunt for me. It was actually super fun ‘cause you know how much of a poison nerd I am, and I’m always up for a challenge when knowledge of a new poison is on the line!

The episode centers around the race to track down the seeds for a kind of pea plant, found otherwise only in North Korea, that supposedly contains a weaponizable chemical agent. There’s a lot of twists and turns and it turns out the seeds themselves mean nothing to the plot, but they’re still interesting and deserve some bandwidth.

I started with two clues:

Clue one was the name of the seeds:

Pisum amortium. Not to brag, but I google a lot of poisons and I was a little surprised I’d never heard of this plant. Honestly, being a legume I was kind of expecting it to be a cyanide. But cyanide is everywhere- why go to the trouble to steal these particular peas when cyanide is pretty cheap and abundant elswhere?

However, as you might imagine, it didn’t take me too very long to find out Pisum amortium wasn’t a real plant. The only things that came up in the google search were texts referring to the garden pea, Pisum sativum, in archeobotany and paleonutrition. Don’t ask me why other mentions of the garden pea didn’t come up, because none of the 10 or so articles have any mention of the word “amortium” in them at all (and literally it was just images of abstracts, no other search results). Which I found... odd.

But I put that aside. I had another clue to look into:

I kinda applaud the person who made this printout. There’s a lot to talk about in it. Let’s start at the bottom: the title in the bottom text box reads “6-Fluroro-L-Tryptophan -- L-BMAA”.  Now, accounting for what I can only assume are purposeful misspellings (though I got a few results that indicate it might be a correct spelling in Norwegian), “6-fluoro-L-tryptophan” and “L-BMAA” are real things. Different things, but real things.

Tryptophan is an essential amino acid, meaning we can’t make it ourselves and need to ingest it from food in order to survive. Our bodies use it to make the neurotransmitter/hormones serotonin and melatonin. It’s found in most animal-based food sources like meat, fish, and dairy, but is also present in brown rice and soybeans. 6-fluoro-L-tryptophan is a form of tryptophan that contains an atom of fluorine on one of its carbon rings (the “6″ and “L” just refer to the placement of various parts of this molecule). The fluorine on the molecule makes it so instead of helping create serotonin and melatonin, it inhibits their creation.

Now, that sounds bad, but as far as I can tell its effects have never been studied in humans. It is listed as an irritant and pretty standard PPE (N95 masks, gloves, etc...) is recommended to handle it. Even if humans *were* exposed to it in a meaningful way, it appears to have a relatively short half-life: when rats were injected with it, they had some disruptions in their sleep-wake cycle for about 3 hours, but that was pretty much it.

Like, yes, it’s a neurotoxin, but its *probably* not going to kill anyone. Going to the trouble of adequately distributing it is like a Doofinshmirtz-level evil scheme of “muahahaha I’m going to make everyone irritable and sleep-deprived for like 3 hours with my grump-n-ator and you can’t stop me Perry the Platypus!” <-- evil!scientific re-enactment.

The structure at the top of the page is indeed a form of fluorotryptophan, but with a hydrogen moved that makes it probably unstable? It’s been a while since I took organic chemistry, but I think this was probably just done for obscuring-the-science reasons.

But let’s put that aside for a moment too.

It’s hard to see in this screenshot, but the text in the lowest text box doesn’t talk about 6-fluoro-L-tryptophan at all, but it does talk about BMAA (the “L” usually isn’t used in the abbreviation). This is where it starts to get interesting. BMAA, or beta-Methylamino-L-alanine is in fact also an amino acid and neurotoxin, and what they’re probably talking the most about in this episode.

BMAA is produced by cyanobacteria, so plants and other things that naturally have cyanobacteria in them (cycads, certain ferns, and lichens) or animals that eat them or are routinely exposed to cyanobacteria (flying foxes, some sharks), can have toxic levels of BMAA in their flesh and can cause problems when eaten by humans. The presence of BMAA specifically causes protein misfolding in the brain, and leads to so-called “tangle diseases” (like, the proteins are all tangled) like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, ALS, PSP, and Lewy-body disease. There are certain regions in the world (most notably Guam) where the food supply has historically had a lot of BMAA naturally occurring in it, and therefore has also historically had a relatively high prevalence of tangle diseases.

Now, you might think you know where I’m going with this, but BMAA is not found in any kind of peas- not even super region-specific ones. Fortunately, wikipedia came in clutch for me by recommending I look into a similar neurotoxin called Oxalyldiaminopropionic acid or ODAP.

When consumed, ODAP causes paralysis of the lower body called “neurolathyrism.” The primary source of dietary ODAP comes from, wait for it... a plant called “Lathryus sativus” or grass pea (see above). The grass pea is an important plant in many parts of the world because it is seen as an insurance crop- it survives droughts and floods when other crops die off. It’s high protein content allows people to live off of it as a temporary staple food. There are other varieties of ODAP-containing Lathryus peas used in traditional Greek and Spanish cuisine, to the point where they have a Protected Designation of Origin.

But... poison? The picture below is a famous Goya print called “Thanks to the Grass Pea.” The title is a clever slant on both the fact that the depicted individuals were kept alive by the pea, only to slowly become paralyzed from it. 

The truth of the matter is, though, if you’re not relying on grass peas as a single food source for more than 3 months at a time, neolathyrism is pretty difficult to get. This doesn’t mean you couldn’t potentially extract enough ODAP to harm someone acutely or add it to the water supply in large enough amounts over a long enough time to cause neurolathyrism in a widespread way that would really confuse public health professionals, but its value as a chemical weapon is pretty low unless you’re really into delayed gratification.

But what if you mixed a fluorotryptophan and ODAP together?

Alas, this is, I’m sorry to say, kind of where the trail went cold for me on the poison front. They’re both mild neurotoxins but they work in really different ways and nothing I read talks about them having ever crossed paths in a research capacity.

Assuming the trail goes no further, I think it’s safe to say that the poison in the episode was based on ODAP. ODAP is *like* the episode’s poison BMAA, and comes from a plant that’s *like* the pea featured in the episode, which is related to a pea that also contains a lower level of ODAP that, while present in many parts of the world, is at least legally protected as an export from a very specific geographic region (that region is part of Spain, but still). Its a little less exciting than a dangerous chemical-weapon-making-pea from North Korea, but you gotta dial up the drama somehow.

Phew. Its almost like they really didn’t want someone to track all that down.

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