#if such a thing as god exists then it made those things too

[reidswhre]

notes 4 you ; spencer reid x fem!reader

warnings: fluff! best friends in love

You were gathering your things from your desk while wondering what you were going to have for dinner. You hadn’t left any food prepared, and honestly, you didn’t feel like cooking, but nothing that a food delivery couldn’t fix.

“Hi.” Spencer smiled at you from in front.

“Hey, you.” You smiled back while slinging your bag over your shoulder.

“Are you heading home?” He asked.

“Of course, I’m going home, where else would I go at this hour?” You teased him.

“Oh- I don’t know- I- well.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought maybe you could come to my place, I’m making pasta.”

“Your place? Oh God, sure! I’d love to.”

“Really?”

“Of course!”

You used to go to Spencer’s place often, and he to yours. You’d have dinner, watch a movie or two, and talk a lot. You spent all day together at work, but given the tragic cases you dealt with, seeing each other outside of work felt peaceful, a nice atmosphere that you both created.

You liked him a lot, and you were sure he liked you too. There were always moments when everything felt tense or you sensed something stronger than friendship between you, but neither of you ever acted on it.

“I missed it here,” you said as you entered Spencer’s apartment.

“Did you?” He asked as he watched you head straight to his bookshelf.

“Are you kidding? I love this place; it’s so cozy, so interesting, so lovely, so… you.”

“Do you love me?” He gave you a playful look as he set the groceries on the table for dinner.

“Of course, I do, silly.” You rolled your eyes and picked up the book on the coffee table. “This one’s new.”

“Yeah—actually, all those piled over there are new.” He pointed to a stack of about five books to your right.

“Oh, can I borrow this one when you're done?” you asked, grabbing one from the pile.

“You can take any of them, really.” He gave you that closed-lip smile.

“Wait, you’ve read all five already? You said they were new!”

“I read fast.”

“Of course you do.” You rolled your eyes again, smiling as you skimmed through the book.

“By the way! I finished reading that book you recommended, your favorite, remember?”

You felt a wave of happiness wash over you. “You’re kidding! I didn’t even know you bought it! How exciting! What did you think?”

“It was pretty good, though I think the dialogues in the book show some deficiencies in terms of plausibility and conversational dynamics. This homogeneity in the discourse negatively affects the characterization and pacing, creating a sense of stagnation in the dramatic development.”

You were left speechless, which made you laugh a little.

“What’s so funny?” He furrowed his brows.

“You just severely criticized my favorite book!”

“I didn’t criticize it severely!” He defended himself. “I thought it was good! It has memorable lines, and it’s very romantic. I just think the dialogue could’ve been better, that’s all.”

“Sure, everyone’s entitled to their opinion, even if yours is wrong,” you teased.

“Hey!” Spencer feigned offense.

You laughed, and Spencer chuckled a little too.

“You can keep that one too.”

“No, no, don’t worry. I have that book in every edition that exists.” You laughed. “It’s my favorite for a reason.”

“Yeah, but—I thought you might want this one.” Spencer walked over to the bookshelf in front of you and pulled out the book from a drawer.

The book was filled with sticky notes. You glanced at it and saw it was covered with annotations everywhere.

“I—well—I made notes while reading because—I don’t know—I wanted to give it to you. I thought you’d like to see how I was doing as I read it.” He looked a bit nervous.

You looked at him and then back at the book. You were so surprised that no words came out of your mouth, which only made Spencer more anxious.

“No—you don’t have to keep it—It wasn’t my intention to make you feel like you had to read it, I didn’t even ask if you wanted it, I’m really sorry!”

“You’re sorry?” You raised your eyebrows. “Sorry for giving me the best gift anyone’s ever given me?” You smiled broadly.

“What? You want it?” He sighed in relief.

“Are you kidding? This is incredible.” You threw your arms around him in a hug. “I love it! I can’t wait to see what you wrote.” You pulled away from the hug to skim through the book.

“No! Don’t do that!” He placed his hands over the book so you couldn’t read it. “Read it at home, okay?”

“Why!? I want to read it now.” You laughed and moved the book out of his reach.

“The thing is, I—you know—I wrote a lot…” He looked away.

You gave him a knowing look. “Of course, that was the idea, wasn’t it? I’m well aware,” you said teasingly.

“Sure! But… I didn’t just write what I thought about the book.” He looked at you. “I highlighted and underlined things that reminded me of you, and… I wrote you a few things. Just—read it later, okay?”

Suddenly, you felt a bit nervous, your stomach flipping. What did he mean by writing you a few things?

“Oh sure… yeah—sorry.” You closed the book and tucked it under your arm.

“It’s okay! Forget it.” He smiled sweetly. “Help me with the pasta, yeah?”

You smiled back. “What?” You pretended to be offended. “I came here to be treated like a princess, not to get my hands dirty!”

“Stop complaining!” He teased you, and you laughed.

You returned home around midnight, hung up your jacket, and left your keys on the table. Eagerly, you pulled the book out of your bag and sat down on the couch to take a look.

You saw some of his notes.

What’s this supposed to be? This guy’s an idiot. >:(

Oh, that was sweet! Extra points for him!

She’s funny, just like you.

you and me :) It was next to a paragraph describing a black cat and an orange one playing around.

I’m reading this on the plane, and you’re asleep i miss you :(

I seriously hate this guy, who raised him!?

You looked really cute today. You’re always cute.

There were countless more notes, all in his handwriting.

You had no intention of sleeping until you finished reading them all.

[kachowden]

Gonna start calling these late night drabbles or something at this point.

You know those ASMR videos, where it’s two people, and one of them has like different fluffy brushes and oils and stuff that they rub on the person laying down? Like a massage? Visual ASMR?

I’m thinking about a yandere asmrtist who brought you in for one those videos. Maybe you won a giveaway or something, but realistically I think you were originally a fan. So he didn’t know you at all.

But then of course, you showed up at his studio. Stunning. Gorgeous. Irresistible. The whole package really. And he felt something deep in his stomach. Maybe butterflies. Maybe indigestion. Regardless, despite having done this before, he’s nervous. Off the bat it’s awkward.

But he’s a professional. So he powers through. A few moments of idle chat, and various prep work goes by, before you’re lying on the cot, surrounded by herbal candles and oils that already send you into a deep state of relaxation.

He starts the video as he always does, jumping right into it. Brushing your hair back, smoothing down the skin on your shoulders. Tracing your features with a soft fluffy stick thingy. Goes the whole nine yards. And the entire time he is sweating buckets from how aroused he is.

At some point through the session he starts to wonder if his heavy breathing is as visible as he thinks it is. If you can feel the sweat dripping down his arms and forehead. And his composure starts to wane. The way your breathing slows, the way your muscles relax. It’s driving him a little crazy. You’re so…comfortable. Because of him. He made you comfortable.

That means something doesn’t it? I mean you were a fan of his anyway. So obviously you liked him. He liked you too of course. It made him have a new thankfulness for his career. How would he have met you otherwise? His soulmate. No. He wanted to believe no matter what you two would have found each other. This feeling in his chest was so deep and passionate. Surely you guys were past lovers too right? You would’ve found each other.

And since you’ve loved each other before…it should be easy to love again? It’d be natural. Perfect. So when he hands start to squeeze a little more sensually, and his eyes began to lower. He doesn’t feel particularly guilty anymore. Your skin is familiar to his deluded mind. The way his fingers began to dig and mold into your soft skin and flesh, sliding up and down, the fabric of your shirt getting pushed lower…and lower..it’s all familiar. Yes he’s sure of it. You’ve both done this before. Your bodies have collapsed together dozens of times. That’s the only explanation, so there’s no room for guilt.

riiiiiiinnnnngg

And he jumps back, ripped away from his hazey day dream: your eyes fluttering open with a slightly exaggerated yawn that hopefully mutes the sound of his racing heart.

“Wow…” you laugh, and he would’ve taken a moment to appreciate it more if not for his own existing panic. “I totally fell asleep…sorry if that ruined the take.”

He pauses, swallowing thickly as his gaze quickly switches to the green light that beeps atop the camera. Right. He had been recording. He’d have to edit that later.

“No..no it was perfect. I’m sure it’ll make the viewers feel the same ease you were feeling…” his voice is as silky and gentle as always, oozing with the honey that enraptured his audience.

You smiled and hummed with a nod, groggily lifting yourself from the cot you had laid on, and grabbing your things form the chair you had set them on, you lift your hand in a wave. “Well, this was really nice! I totally needed it, and it was super cool meeting you in person! Thanks again-“

“Wait!” He jolted, a blush burning his cheeks at his own over eager behavior. “You did a really good job today, so..I was hoping we could keep in contact if the video does well..”

“Oh..sure thing!”

God you were a total blessing.

[thecosmicangel]

It’s the law of ASSUMPTION not the law of believing it, so no you don’t necessarily have to believe it for it to true. And you are not new to manifesting you have been doing it your whole life.

Really think about it, why would we need to work hard or be deserving of something to have it? If that where the case then “bad people” wouldn’t have the money or lifestyle that they have. Do you think that if we had to be deserving of things, good people would suffer? Did they deserve the bad things to happen?Since we been born we have been programmed with limiting viewpoint and beliefs saying things like

“Good things take time”

“You have to work hard to earn it”

You have to deserve it

If it’s meant to be it will be

It will happen in divine timing

You have to be completely healed to have it

You have to be vibrating at a high frequency

You have to be positive all the time

You have to be patient, everything happens for a reason

Or you have to be logical , be realistic

And so much more. This is why you can make up your own rules because everyone else is, everyone decided what they choose to believe / assume to be true for them and based on that they experience their reality.

Just because we are born and exist is enough proof and validation for why we deserve to have what we want. We have those desires and dreams for a reason. We were created to experience all of our desires. Do you really think we were born to work a horrible or boring job everyday for the rest of our lives? Do you think you were born to suffer ? Do you think you were just born to desire stuff but not get them? No we were born to experience being god in our own way, by creating our own realities. Creating our own heaven in earth.

Stop limiting yourself by thinking you have to wait,or that you have to earn it. God doesn’t wait , so why would we have to wait? If we were meant to wait we wouldn’t have a burning desire for what we want, that in itself is proof that the desire is waiting on you to accept it and make it yours!!! The bad/ unwanted circumstance we create didn’t have to wait so why does the good or our desires have to wait? I’ll show you how it’s irrelevant to wait , say you want a certain shirt, jeans or whatever that you know is available at a store, well you know you have everything you need to buy it so you will order it or go to the store and buy it because you want it, you are not waiting around to see if the shirt wants you or if some other power wants you to have it, you simply decide you are buying it because you want it. I mean unless you want to procrastinate and overthink if you really want it or not then yeah it might take you sometime to decide on buying the shirt, but it’s all the same thing. Nothing is harder or easier to manifest everything is neutral and only based on your assumptions if it’s hard or easy.

Everything starts of with an idea or thought. Think about all the inventions in the world, someone had that idea and made it happen. Even science is based on ideas/ observations, they start of with a hypothesis.

Your desires are manifesting you, they are calling on you or else you wouldn’t want them ( the desire is calling you, not you calling it, so pick up the phone and answer the call) your desires are here and available for you the second you become aware of them it’s just waiting on you to take it & accept it. Trust that they can happen instantly too, make an assumption/rule on how long it takes for you to manifest things. Create your own rules and what it takes to manifest without doubting it. Do you just want to affirm or assume once and that’s all? Because really that is all you need to do and not contradict it and it will manifest.

If you want to see how it works try it out with something you know you can manifest, for example when I would doubt my power I would set up little test for me, “I would say today I want to see a purple Lamborghini” not even 5 minutes later I would see a purple Lamborghini. Another day I would say I want to see “xyz” I would be as descriptive as I wanted and then I would see it later on that day. This just helped me understand and see proof of how my mind works and how easy it is to manifest. So if you’re having trouble understanding the law try this little experiment out for yourself. The same way I could manifest seeing the things I wanted for my experiment is the same way I could manifest everything else, now the thing is to not contradict myself and stick to one story and it will inevitably be.

-xoxo, the cosmic angel ⭐️🪽

[evilminji]

I Am? Still? Thinking?? Of My Hive Mind Crechelings Au? (Prev <-)

The Creepy Crechelings? My Fuuuuckin POSSESSED Lil Babies (absolutely affectionate and full of love)?

I CAN'T STOP, man. It's the SOFTEST and WARMEST Epilog? Just... fuck, I wanna cry. It's SO FULL OF LIGHT? So content and happy and "then... our Hero gets to REST. No more struggle. No more pain. Just golden sweetness and simple days."???

The Tragedy Of Darth Vader WAS, ultimately, utterly and completely, because Anakin Skywalker was a GOOD MAN.

Because the Dark took something GOOD and twisted it. Made it MONSTROUS. Killing his soul with ten thousand cuts of doubt and fear. Anger, arrogance, and unwarranted pride. He had COMPASSION. So much love in him he could barely stand to BREATHE.

The world BURNED for how great his Empathy, made the weight of all the universe's suffering, upon his shoulders.

He was GOOD. Could STILL be good. And? The Force DOES work in mysterious ways. It just needs... an in. Someone, ANYONE, to ask the right question. At ANY point. Because it CAN NOT push upon them the answers. Fix for them all life's woes. The Force is not a God... it simple IS. And though it wishes to help, loves them dearly, it can only OFFER what is ASKED for.

And, yes, there are loopholes. Visions and gifts it might give. Technicalities it might work off of. That gut feeling? Well... your INSTINCTS want you to survive. Surely THEY are asking? Are they not? "How do we survive?" They ask. Endlessly. So the Force may answer.

And SURELY, The Force knows, the you of 20 seconds from now, would ASK them to warn you not to eat that fruit. It is poison. That is definitely in line with what you would ask! It can see it. Because Time is simultaneous to the Force. Why, it can even use this to justify, too itself, the Visions! SOMEONE is asking! It can even tell you whom! And when!

It WON'T.

But it COULD.

Yet! Let us focus! Anikin Skywalker!

Do YOU remember how he was born? Oh, sure, we are all PASSINGLY familiar. Born to Shmi Skywalker. "No Father". Etc etc? BUT!!! Details MATTER! And in science? In HEALTH? "Spontaneous Baby" is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

How. What, SPECIFICALLY, made UP the spontaneous baby? From WHERE? Was it air? Energy? A clone? A hypothetical child of Shmi and some long dead individual she could not possibly have met?

These are important questions! Specifically, important to understand WHAT ANIKIN'S SPECIES IS. Cause "humanoid" is NOT a species! A race! Stewjoni and Naboolians are subtly different! Yes, both human variants. But that's the THING, isn't it?

They. Are. VARIANTS.

As in DIFFERENT. Divergent from one another. Perhaps not A LOT, but enough that their unique medical needs might be significant! Different environmental strains, different diets, different evolutionary paths for thousands of years. In SOME cases? They might no longer be COMPATIBLE anymore! Or barely! A tiger and a cat are both feline, but you'd be blind to mistake them as the same thing.

Then we have Anikin.

Who is haaaaalf??? What exactly?

Well, "The Force" according to research. By means of Sith meddling. But! And for the purpose of this ramble??

He is birth was "a work of the midi-chlorians".

.......let that sink in for a second. The Force channeling, HIVE MINDED, symbiotic micro organisms inside Shmi? Were instructed or guided to? Just take energy? Food and DNA. And... 3D print a baby into existence. They did, obviously, it was easy. But CONSIDER WHAT THAT MEANS.

It MEANS?

Anikin is HALF MIDI-CHLORIAN.

(At least in this AU.)

It's WHY he is so, SO fuckin desperate to connect. So ungodly powerful. So destabilized by not having "attachments". His brain is structured by organisms and half IS, of a sort, the sort of organism that REQUIRES an interconnected system. To offload the massive amount of sensory input the Force gives him. To regulate Big Emotions. To form councils and crunch through problems.

To get those good, good Soul Hugs.

Anikin? Not doing so hot. He's been SURROUNDED by what FEELS like a hive? But they keep EXCLUDING him and he doesn't have the words to explain why that upset him. Why he wants to crawl inside their brains an just... just hang. Not touch anything! Just... just nap! Maybe get a hug? P... Please?

Why does EVERYONE HATE HIM?!

But they don't. They just have different boundaries. Are NOT Hive Minds. THEIR Midi-chlorians? Are not at such a high concentration that it affects their thought patterns.

Unlike? The Creepy Crechelings.

Who absolutely doooooo. THEY are still in the We/Us phase. Boundaries? What Boundaries? We're crawling through each other's brains and on the ceiling! Full of light, love, and horrifying prophecy! Eating sand! Many thoughts, head full! We can taste TIME!!! :D

And it takes a SPECIAL breed of Creche Master with VERY strong shields to interact with them. Mind tricks are both accidental and daily. Poker face of kindness is a must. Good emotional regulation. So when one sees Anikin losing his shit again?

They sigh. Put down their muffin. And go deal with it.

Probably not even awake.

They just feel *Overwhelming Power* and hear upset noises and go "Ah, starting early, today is." Then wander over. And effortlessly defuse the situation. Flop their Force presence on Anikin like a weighted blanket. It would be UNSPEAKABLY rude and invasive to most anyone else? But Obi-Wan just...? Watchs his ex-padawan go BONELESS against this Crech Master he's never met? Like :O

T-teach me. Please, for the love of the Force, teach me to do that.

Next thing you know? They are talking, Obi-Wan getting a crash course in Super Powerful Younglings™ that honestly he should have gotten YEARS ago, but was run too ragged to. And Anikin? Blissed out, high as a kite, at the bottom of a Youngling pile. Mmmmm, lumpy pillow. We gonna sit and sleep and climb all over you, Master Skywalker.

*adoring, emotionally gooey voice* Okay.

He volunteers. Fuck it, he practically LIVES out of that Creche. Padme! Padme, we're adopting. He wants to be a stay at home dad. Build droids. Everything is Beautiful and nothing hurts. *war is still happening* ah. Shit. Right. THAT™.

Okay! New plan. AFTER the war. He has discovered his calling. Is suddenly bonding with Jedi he's never even talked to before. Is that Plo Koon? Plo! PLO! Hey, thanks for lending me that youngling development module! You got any others you recommend?

Him and Obi-Wan? Suddenly getting along better then they have in YEARS. His Master seems genuinely THRILLED he has a clear goal he's working towards and is supporting him ten thousand percent. Openly bragging. Consulting with him. AND? Is so much more OPEN! That Creche Master really helped him Understand how Anikin's brain works!

Which? Leads to Anikin getting healthier. More and more stable. The babies fuckin sneaking aboard. His Men LOSING THEIR SHIT because WHY ARE THERE TUBIES, SIR?! Babies! Infants! Smol, itty bitty, BABY CHILDS!!!???

And? On one hand? He has never felt so clear head and stable as when they are with him. Interconnected. US and WE and THE HIVE. The Force is With Us and We are The Force.

Buuuuuut on the OTHER hand? He is an adult. He CAN seperate what HE wants from what is good for his lil baby friends. This isn't safe. They could get HURT. Die! It... honestly? It makes him think about his mom a lot. He thinks he finally GETS it. Hates that he does. Is in AWE of how strong she was. Hopes he can take the lessons she taught him and live up to them.

Because it's not about what HE wants. It's about what's best for these kids.

They have to go back.

.....except the man he THOUGHT was his friend? THOUGHT was a GOOD MAN? Won't let them LEAVE THE FRONT LINES. Won't even authorize an emergency shuttle. There are vulnerable children. On the FRONT LINES. And Shee-...no. Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, won't let them GET THEM TO SAFETY?

Is THIS what over a decade of friendship means to this man? Is THIS what his "sympathies" are truely WORTH? Empty words and no action? Saying what you want to hear then sitting in his fancy office while CHILDREN are shot at?

Anikin wants to put his fist through a durasteel WALL.

Through some careful maneuvering, some Ships on the way back are are able to pick up the VERY In Trouble kiddos. It'll be about five ship hops. But they'll get there. And in the mean time? The entire GAR now knows where the Chancellor's priorities lay.

But? What to do, what to do? The kiddos are GONE! Anikin's head is gonna start getting crowded. Fuzzy. Crushed up and too small! He literally, physically, NEEDS people. For his mental and ultimately physical health!

"Well... you DID say Midi-chlorians are in every living thing, didn't you? It's just that most Sentients don't have enough to reach the threshold of Force Sensitive. Right?" Says Anikin's medic.

Anikin raises a finger. Opens his mouth to respond.

Considers this genuinely.

Puts DOWN his finger and closes his mouth. Nods. Yes. Yes, they DO. Why? Where exactly are you going with this? Medic taps a message to the GAR in ship message board. Please. You know EXACTLY where he's going with this.

Yeah.

Yeah, Anikin does.

And the Vode? Gotta admit. Having their General curled up like a comm system in the back of their brains? Kiiiiinda weird at first. But he's not? Actually? Touching anything? It's kinda like having someone follow you around, hanging off your shoulders in a hug. Because they feel needy and desperately need the contact. Little awkward? Yeah.

But we move on.

And the General respects boundaries. Politely pulls back and out/away when they want "personal" time. Something he had practice doing cause he's in a relationship. And there are Thoughts and Feelings you DO NOT want to share with younglings. It apparently helped him learn to shield. Quickly. Very, VERY quickly.

They only laugh at him a little bit.

He imagines throwing pillow blocks at them.

But THEN? One of them gets a head wound. Nothing to terrible. But bad enough that the midi-chlorians flow up to the area, to help speed up and properly regulate the healing. Because their's have become more active. Not STRONGER mind you. Just... more ACTIVE.

And they can fucking FEEL their General mentally screech to a full stop. Perfectly, utterly, FURIOUSLY Blank. Like the dead silence before the blaster bolts start flying. Like just after the flash but before the blast hits. A terrible, TERRIBLE silence.

Something is Wrong.

"What Is That?"

What is... WHAT? Sir?

And then things move very, very quickly. All things possible, through the Force. A baby created. Chips UN-created. It really is? Just directing the Midi-chlorians all ready THERE to do what you want them too. Offering up some extra energy, if needed. A Leader to guide the hive.

One deep enough meditation, reaching though-out "HIS" sprawling body? Really, what is the difference between purging a chip from your thigh in THIS body? And being over there? Or over there? What are "walls" or "distance" or this silly concept of "other"?

We Are One With The Force, And The Force Is One With US.

He is every Vode on the Ship. He is Anikin Skywalker. He was a Slave. But now? NOW both he and they and US? Are FREE. He will suffer no slaves in his presence. No more chips or collars with bombs. Time to free the others. Free everyone. Demand ANSWERS.

And they do.

The epilog? Oh THAT I can not stop thinking of.

Padme in the senate. Fierce and accomplished. A storied carrier fighting for the people of the galaxy. Anikin a Creche Master for the POWERFUL kiddos. The strange ones who need someone sturdy.

Who can handle their Us/We phase with grace. Who learns and grows, honors and remembers Shmi Skywalker every time one of them one of them starts to pull away. Starts to develop boundaries. Barriers. Starts to want to be their OWN person. Has not just grown strong in shielding but old enough to develop a defined personality, seperate from their friends.

The twins growing up with a whole Creche of siblings. Because their parents LIVE at the temple. Their mother works at the senate! They wave bye-bye every morning. And spend the day with dad. Not separated, not quite living with them fully either. Not after infancy at least. But the Order is changing.

Vode everywhere. Kids born of Jedi. The Corps withdrawn back to the temple to help handle the influx. Lots of debates about Tradition and Change that Anikin care not a lick about. HE'S taking his Crechelings to the Naboolian Embassy's Spring Festival. Does everyone remember how to be polite? Say "hello"! *various smol children chorus Hello in Naboolian, badly but very earnestly*

Just? Field trips. Droids and Vode dropping by to say hello. Padme being the LION of the senate while her retired kindergarten tearcher equivalent, war hero husband cheers. Adorable but freaky children popping out of the vents. Anikin treating his tiny squad of Tiny Anti-christ Acting Babies as though this were TOTALLY NORMAL and just how children act.

SOFT AND FLUFFY EPILOG~☆

@legitimatesatanspawn @babbling-babull @hypewinter @hdgnj @spidori @tiredafel

[chippedshake]

14 and I'm thinkin' 'bout God again

Ponyboy had never gone to church before. He’d never seen the point in it. No one in his family was a believer, and if he was going to spend a couple hours watching someone talk, he would rather have it be a movie than a sermon. 

But now that his parents were gone, he started wondering where they were. They would’ve made their way into heaven, he was sure of that. But did it even exist? Was someone else right? Was there another sort of afterlife? Were they sent to hell for being non-believers?

Was there nothing? Had their souls just disappeared? Were they really sleeping forever, unconscious? If that was what was waiting for everyone, what was even the point of being alive? The sun would explode and consume everything and they would be gone and all that would be left would be a void. No life. No thoughts. No memories. 

He slipped into the church with Johnny right before the service began, trying to be quiet so no one would notice them and their not-so-clean clothes.  

In the back of our car, everyone is so far from me

Marcia wanted to phase through the backseat and reappear in her bed. Bob and Randy had been drinking and Cherry was glaring holes into the back of their heads and Marcia was exhausted and couldn't garner the energy to join in.

She was tired for everything these days. Too tired for rallies and protests. Too tired to play with her little sister. Too tired to care about Randy and Bob drinking until they threw up. Too tired to pay attention in class. Too tired to care about how Bob being behind the wheel was illegal and about how it was illegal because it could kill them.

She just wanted things to be easy. Why did everything have to be a fight?

Maybe it’d be easier if she just stayed in her room alone and did nothing. Staring at the ceiling, laying on her bed, fading in and out of sleep. Maybe it’d be easier if she just stopped existing. 

17 and I'm feelin' so out of place, I've been movin' too much

Dally slept where he could. Buck said he didn’t need the rent money, but Dally knew better than that and tried to stay away for as long as he could because there was no way Buck would accept any form of payment from him. Not even helping around the bar or cleaning up after they closed. 

He stayed at Tim’s a couple times, but he was definitely an outsider there. Angela always gave him the stink eye – she was friends with Sylvia – and Curly gave him a wide berth. Tim was nice enough, but clearly didn’t want his bad influence around his kid brother and sister. A bit hypocritical, maybe, but imagining Tim palling around with Johnny made Dally understand why Tim seemed three seconds away from strangling him when he told Curly a dirty joke.  

There was Sylvia’s, sure, but they were always fighting and didn't get along too well even when they weren't. The Curtises’ couch was taken by someone else – usually Johnny – most of the time and Dally would rather die cold and alone on the street than force Johnny out of the only place he could call home. 

(Nevermind that it was his, too)

And lately, I've been runnin' 'round in circles every day

Johnny paced the lot for the third time. He couldn’t sleep. Not so soon after. Everytime he closed his eyes, he swore he could hear the low rumble of a Mustang coming around the corner to finish the job. 

To follow through with all those threats. 

He knew he should go to the Curtises’, but he didn’t want to bother them. Darry had enough to worry about without having to pick up charity cases.  

Fourth lap. It was nearing midnight. He wasn’t getting any sleep tonight. 

19 and I'm gettin' too drunk again

It was noon on a Wednesday and Two-Bit was nursing his third beer.

He thought about Steve’s face curling in disgust whenever he smelled alcohol on Two-Bit’s breath. Susie looking at him in disappointment with those big, brown eyes whenever he came home drunk. Sodapop’s pitying looks whenever he had beer for breakfast and Darry telling him about AA meetings and Ponyboy reciting statistics in an attempt to get him to stop. 

He thought about visiting the hospital and seeing Johnny, laying there, useless and in pain. Being useless and watching, helpless, as he died slowly and painfully. He thought about Dally crumpling under a streetlight, seventeen and hopeless. He thought about how he was never going to leave their neighborhood, how he was never going to graduate from highschool, how Ponyboy and Darry would leave and find someplace better and Steve and Soda would open their own gas station and he would be left there alone, still nursing his third beer on a Wednesday morning when he was thirty. 

He took another swig. 

And I'm fallin' in love with everyone just for a minute

She was pretty. A brunette, not a blonde, and brown eyes, not blue, but she was pretty. And she was funny and smart and really liked Soda. 

They’d had fun that evening and she was a bit older than him so she lived alone and they were at her place. He should be happy. He should be enjoying himself. But all he could think about was blond hair and someone else’s kid. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured as he stepped away, buttoning his shirt back up, “I can’t.”

20 and I'm runnin' away from everythin', I dropped out of school

Whenever Darry had a problem as a kid – homework he couldn’t figure out, a fight with some friends, someone being rude to him –, his dad would always remind him he played football, not track. He didn’t run away from things, he tackled them. He would force him to face the problem head-on and figure it out and not let it rest until it was solved. 

Lately, he’d been thinking that maybe he could replace Ponyboy as the track star in the family. 

Sure, he paid the bills and got custody and made half-hearted apologies when he was too out of line with Ponyboy, but the moment sadness poked its head out, tentatively asking if it could heal his wounds now, he shoved it down twice as hard as last time. He hadn’t let himself cry once in the last seven months, no matter how many times he wanted to. That wasn’t about to change any time soon. 

(It changed a month later as he hugged his brothers in a hospital waiting room when it finally came to be too much.)

To end up wakin' on another cold park bench

Steve’s father was kicking him out more often. It used to be once a month, for maybe two or three days. Now it was practically every week. 

It almost wasn’t worth going back. 

He couldn’t go over to the Curtises’ that often. Not just because it wasn’t fair for them to have to put up with him for so long, but also because it was humiliating. If he wasn’t even good enough for his own father to want him around, then who would?

Johnny would see him at the lot and Dally would see him at Buck’s so he went to the park. It was deserted at night and was on their turf so he could sleep undisturbed. 

He tried to ignore the shame rolling around in his chest when he woke up at sunrise to clean himself up with the fountain’s icy water. 

And I've turned off a part of me 

Soda wasn’t allowed to have feelings anymore, apparently. He wasn’t a person anymore, just a rope. A rope for his brothers to tug back and forth until he tore right down the middle. 

He’d never been all that good at following rules, but this was one he could follow. No feelings? He could do that. He could make himself a smiling, steady presence for his brothers. He could stretch himself thin enough to cover everyone. 

He could keep his family together.  

that I can't find anymore

He’d tried. Ponyboy swore that he’d tried.

But he couldn’t finish Gone with the Wind. He couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to concentrate on a sentence for more than a couple seconds before his mind started to wander. Johnny had been better than him at finding meaning in things. There was probably something there that he couldn’t see. 

Why even read if he couldn’t know what Johnny would have thought? What he would have felt? Why should Ponyboy get to read words that Johnny never would?

How was he supposed to stay gold when the golden part of himself was rotting underground?

I'm sick of always questionin' myself

Cherry walked home alone from the drive-in for the fourth time this month. Every time. He got drunk every single time, no matter what she did. 

Was she doing something wrong? Did being a good girlfriend mean turning a blind eye and pretending like she didn’t care? Was it all her fault? Maybe if she was better in some way – not as annoying, more obedient, nicer – he wouldn’t have to drink himself stupid every Friday. 

It’s not your fault, she told herself. It was not her fault. It was Bob’s. She didn’t have to be more submissive, he had to stop drinking. 

But it wasn’t his fault either. He didn’t conjure up alcohol out of nowhere. Store clerks and older kids and adults, they turned a blind eye. They let a boy, a child, get something that was almost a drug so they could put some money in their pockets and he would have the courage to beat up other children.  

And what I'm doin' wrong

Randy watched as Bob swung another punch. He was wearing rings. That was going to scar. The kid was almost crying. 

What were they even doing? Why were they here? What did they want to prove? The kid hadn’t even done anything wrong, he was just wandering around. 

Randy’d seen the guy around school. He was quiet, kept to himself. Had bruises sometimes and always told teachers – the few that cared – that he’d fallen. It was obvious he hadn’t. Who falls into hands around their neck? 

Why were they beating on someone who already had it so rough? It wasn’t the kid’s fault he was a greaser, just like it wasn’t Bob’s fault his parents let him get away with murder and it wasn’t Randy’s fault his parents didn’t let him take a breath without telling them about it.  

It was wrong, it was all so wrong, the way they all thrived on violence, acting like it made some sort of a difference to anyone. Who was watching them and deciding the winner? Who would make the rules change if they just beat on one more innocent kid, made one more little boy scared to walk around at night?

I've been fightin' with who I am inside my head

Sylvia collapsed onto the couch with a sigh, half expecting her mother to come out to scold her for being unladylike.  

Not like that was going to happen anytime soon. She’d chosen herself over her children when she’d up and left with no warning. So now there was no one around to tell Sylvia to wear longer skirts or less makeup or tie her hair back or go back to school. 

School. It was four. Remmy'd finished an hour ago. She had to pick him up. Fuck. She’d let Evie drag her along to a rally and lost track of time. 

The teacher rolled her eyes when Sylvia showed up half an hour later, muttering about whores and how it wasn’t her job to take care of accidents. Sylvia figured she could have nicely corrected her and told her Remmy was her baby brother and she was late because she’d been trying to get equal rights, actually, but she didn’t really feel like it. Saying that bitch’s boyfriend was the father was much more satisfying.  

It wasn’t worth it, though, when Remmy stormed off alone down the street and she had to run after him. He was mad. Of course he was mad. She’d been an hour and a half late picking him up and instead of apologizing and taking him home quietly, she’d picked a fight with his teacher. 

She really was useless, wasn’t she? Every day she told herself today would be the day she changed for the better, but she never really did. 

And I don't know me anymore

Maybe a label was supposed to be enough. Drunk. Brother. Dreamer. Useless. Girlfriend. Greaser. Soc. 

Why wasn’t it?

And I wish I was somebody else

Just to feel like I'm enough for myself

[ominous-feychild]

CHARACTER PROFILE:

THE EXISTENCE OF MAGIC

"Consider yourself privileged to be in my presence, {Redacted}. Not many get the honor." -Magic

Magic awoke as an Existential upon the creation of the Faewildes--a realm of pure, uncontrolled magic.

The Faewildes themselves emerged from cracks in reality made by Existence of Chaos, so Magic sees him as the closest thing they have to a father. Likewise, they hold a deep respect and admiration for him.

... and even more resentment toward the other Existentials, who sealed Chaos within a magically-enforced coma following the First World's destruction.

But what could they, Magic, do about that?

OVERVIEW:

Chosen name: {REDACTED}

You don't deserve to know their name.

Age: ???

Due to being "born" with the destruction of reality--and emergence of the the Faewildes--and the resulting space-time distortions, it's impossible to know their age. However, they are the youngest Existential.

(During RFtA and SaS, they are at least 800 years old.)

Species: Faerie (shapeshifter)

Due to their relation to the Faewildes, they see themself as a (and I quote) "better faerie".

Gender identity: Nonbinary (any/all)

Sexuality: Omnisexual

Raw magic: (existential) Magic, (faerie) magic, (axiomatic) chaos, (axiomatic) disaster, (axiomatic) destruction, (axiomatic) corruption, (axiomatic) disease, (axiomatic) nature, (axiomatic) vegetation, (axiomatic) animal influence, (axiomatic) earth -- Just... assume it's almost everything. But that's some of their main stuff!

Applied magic: Reality warping. Can create any and all effects they desire, transform the environment and the "rules" dictating reality around them, and create anything out of nothing.

While possible, it costs them more essence to warp reality outside of the Faewildes, whereas it's near-effortless within. However, as Magic next to never leaves the Faewildes, it's hardly relevant.

They are also capable of creating enchantments, blessings, curses, and portals.

Their axiomatic magic is mostly important when they grant magic to others, as they only ever give their magic to people who amuse them.

Tier ranking: Existential

As the Existential of Magic, they are a manifestation of the consciousness of Magic Itself. They are completely unkillable due to the fact that they are not the body they reside in, though... you can sure try to kill their body.

Regardless of the result, your death would be a mercy.

Status in Existential War: One of the "top gods", having some form of influence in literally every continent and over a dozen B (or higher) tier avatars at all times.

Spokespiece: When communicating with those outside their realm--or those they don't care to appear in front of--Magic will manifest body horror abominations or a singular, giant disembodied eye.

Their spokepieces always speak with a deep, distorted voice.

General appearance: As the Existence of Magic, an abstract concept, they technically do not have a physical form. However, they have created--and live within--a body for themself.

Magic usually takes the form of an 8'2 (249 cm) pale-skinned androgynous faerie, although they'll adapt their height to situations at hand (almost always intentionally towering over all others).

They usually have intentionally-exaggerated "human" features--far-too-long arms and legs, an elongated face, too-sharp (potentially even clawed) fingers, and two pairs of long, pointy ears.

Similarly, Magic takes up a lot of space through other methods--they have a large mane of puffy ginger hair, massive tree-like antlers that crown their head, and two sets of large, insectoid wings they can fly with... although they can just magically levitate, anyways.

But, strangely enough, their most distinguishing feature?

Magic is almost always wearing a smooth, featureless silver mask affixed to their face, completely obscuring their features and even their own vision... though they can see through their magic, anyway.

They claim that they only show their face to those who are worthy to see it, and that others aren't worth laying their eyes upon.

During meetings with the Existentials, they still wear an eyeless, silver mask--but one that shows their mouth, allowing all to see when they smirk.

Personality: Extremely cocky, arrogant, egotistical, sassy, and flamboyant.

Magic considers themself a comedian, enjoys "putting on a show", scaring people, and generally antagonizing others--but especially the other Existentials.

Most of the time, Magic is flexing their magical abilities one way or another--it's partially an ego thing, but mostly because it's just second nature to them. They are Magic--and who would you be to stop them from using it?

(They especially tend to levitate, floating around and "sitting" in midair, or manipulate distance around them to force people into their personal space.)

A lot of their personality comes out through the inhuman appearance they take, where they explicitly tower above others, take up as much space as possible, and wear a mask to deprive others of the privilege of witnessing their face.

They see the Existential War as a game, but a boring one. They aim to end it--one way... or another.

Any single wish: Complete freedom

Greatest fear: {REDACTED}

Fun fact: Magic currently (as of RFtA and SaS) has a specialized, hyper-magically-aware avatar investigating themself--after all, why wouldn't one want to understand their own nature?

... or so, that's what they claim their purpose is.

CHARACTER QUOTES:

"You've come looking for a favor? And you're willing to pay the price?"

"Oh, don't start with that. Don't lie--we all know you want to accept. So, let's just cut through the--" rolls their eyes, turning their head and sarcastically fluttering their hands at their sides. Mockingly: "--'oh, no!!! Not for me!? Sacrifice!?!?'" Faces the pair again, re-crossing their arms to continue more seriously: "--bullshit and move on to the terms. We're all here. Unless you want to have wasted my time negotiating with {Orange} before you got here?"

"I will have mercy on you. [But] you're still paying a high price--it has been quite an inconvenience to do all this, and you should know how few people get to be graced with my presence. {Red} would not have been given this opportunity otherwise."

Tag list: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @paeliae-occasionally

Divider by @cafekitsune

[bloodborne-on-pc]

Concept: one of those religious calendars where it's like "The Wonders of God's World" or whatever, but instead of pictures of charismatic animals and serene landscapes, it's all parasites and natural disasters.

[bunnihearted]

⋆⭒˚.⋆

[nocentis]

Black Arum ┆ Siegrain

Content warning: main character death, cannibalism, gore, toxic/unreliable narrator, highly canon divergent character portrayal. Read at your own risk. You will probably take psychic damage from this.

╳┆A lure was stuck in the soot between his lungs. Many times he'd felt the tug — enough that the wire fray had worn a rut where his ribs met — and many times he'd found her on the other end, reeling for remnants of him that no longer existed. She would aim to break him open, sift around in the cinders for those specks of him she wanted to confiscate, keep for herself, so that she could finally be rid of him. Once those flecks were washed and panned, the remains would reek like plough mud closure. For that reason he would come to her whole, every whit of ash accounted for.

A cherry little game they'd play. Her with flint and steel, eager to reignite that paltry spark of "good" that flickered freely for a lapse before he remembered himself. Him with tinder and kindling, letting it light only to call on the rain again. Her with just enough hope. Him with just enough time.

That resolve was so very compelling. More than her beauty, her candor, and even that glow he so loved to bask in — that luster he wanted to hold between his teeth and bury under his nails — more than that, her tenacity was a toothsome temptation, and he wasn't keen to deny himself anything.

So when he felt the pull, he caved to the beck and spooled the lisle. That day, the line seemed lighter, thinner, than it ever had. It should've been strong. Tensile. Instead it felt gossamer fine and just as frail, poised to tear at an ill touch, and he wasn’t exactly renowned for his gentle hands. Still, he gathered it with both palms and wrapped it proudly around himself like a ceremonial sash, grin scrawled across his face something devilish.

╳┆He found her lying in the shade beneath a long-lived magnolia, still and silent as she never was, with the color of her namesake spread around her head in halo streaks. Battle-torn, as she so often was, and yet uncannily... passive.

Anything he'd planned to say went out the airlock. Instead, he stood there with an anchor in his stomach, reaping the benefit of doubt.

Not a frown nor a sigh when he darkened her sanctum, only heavenward eyes tearless and unblinking and a resigned breath just short of peaceful. That worn tether waned phantom thin, light as helium, and the tension in his chest went slack.

There was no definite snap. No dramatic severing or ear-popping moment of clarity. Only the vague sense of loss so fresh a wound that denial was a numbing salve.

“Get up,” his voice a command, sandgrit against whetstone, thickened by an unnamed antigen.

The silence felt like mockery. A placid scene void of chittering fauna, clouds' drum, or even the most timid breeze. It wanted him to hear the absence of her breath and the stillness of her chest. It wanted him to hear the hollow. The empty. The nothing. Wanted it to resonate; to find the furthest reaches of his mind and clean them out until all that was left was this icy, clarifying silence.

He knew the end when he saw it. This was something much worse. It was robbery.

Her life wasn’t for the world to take. It was for him to hold in his hands. 

Something wet and pathetic slicked his tongue — some whiny, pleading thing — and it was stubborn as oil. The authority slid to the back of his throat and left him choking, “You are the indomitable Titania. You’ve laced fingers with Death time and again only to rise and slay and conquer, so get up.”

Her warmth was set to a slow drip, spilling from her in tired beads and seeping soundlessly into her chosen ground. Little whispers of her lost to greedy loam, sullied, never to be returned.

A waste of precious love. The sod won’t drink of her as he will. It will take of her and give back what? New “life” so fragile and fleeting? A feeble weed will take root, bloom its days few, and curl itself inside out? Pathetic. An insult to her legacy. An insult to the diamond-split sharp of her bladesoul.

His heart boiled over — popping, sticking, simmering sicksweet saccharine. It colored him cloying, flooded his mouth, and forced him to kneel at her altar.

"Please," he keened, hollow and morose, and his own pleading sickened him, “Say something.”

The sun trickled through the leaves like ichor, lighting up her black-blown eyes and the thin ring of honey surrounding them. Dim, distant, and dead as the moon.

His hand carved a path to her face, fingers featherlight against her fading flush. He brushed her bangs from her eyes and forced an unbroken breath through his quavering mouth. He traced each scar too faint to see and the parts of her skin their star kissed. Memorized the map of her face — each curve and crease, each fine hair, and every eyelash. He would carve out a space in his mind in her shape and fill it with the thousand sweet nothings he kept in his pockets.

He gathered her hand and threaded it with his own. When he opened his mouth, a rickety twine escaped from the deepest point of his chest, so he forced his jaws shut to keep the grief corked. He uncurled her fingers and pressed his cheek into her palm, trapping her there against his own scarred skin. His eyes fell shut as he breathed in this borrowed touch — this moment fated, stolen from him by this world's insatiable avarice.

He kissed her palm directly in the center; held it against his mouth and felt his own ruined breath echo back to him from the deepest grooves of her skin. Again, he begged, “Please, Erza.”

Of the armors innumerable now haunting this hallowed ground, this one least befit her. 

He revered Death. If there was a god, surely it was Death, he thought, for Death asks for nothing but life. The dead don’t know that they’re dead. They know a split second of euphoria and then a sharp, definite end. Isn’t that the work of a gracious god? One last stroke of color whether in peace or peril, and then eternal rest. Back to the dust you sprouted from.

But now he couldn’t see any of that beauty he often waxed poetic about. All he could see was change yet to come. All he could see was her, and he wanted her back.

He wanted her back, yet he knew better than anyone that there was no such thing as resurrection. While Death might be gracious, it was not generous, and it was not to be reasoned with.

The thought of her buried deep, bathed by the dark and abandoned to rot — it washed his mouth acid sour. It ate straight through his tongue and lingered in the roots of his teeth, burning, raging redhot in his jaws’ marrow.  A grave didn't suit her anymore than a pyre.

Soon she would be cold. Stiff. A feast for flies and their insatiable young. In the days to come, she would bubble and bloat and sallow. Her skin would loosen and slough off. The sun would bleach her bones. The meat of her would melt into oil and fat and bogspit. She would mix in with the soil, the groundwater, and this thankless magnolia would thrive.

It was tall, thick, with branches spread in all directions. The lowest of its limbs showed off the varied deep greens of its large waxy leaves, their undersides a chalky brown. A few white flowers bloomed, palm-shaped petals open in praise like they'd come to witness and worship. There was no question why she'd chosen to crawl here. It must've reminded her of home.

Despite its beauty, it was hardly worthy of her. Nothing in this ravenous world was. Her grave should be carved within his chest. There, he could keep her warm. He could host her in his veins. One day, they would wade the waters of woe together. Until then she could live under his skin.

He wouldn’t allow her to spoil. Wouldn’t place her gently into time’s whittlesome hands only to lose her peel by peel by rotting peel.

This world has taken much from you. Do not allow it to take her too.

A carnal ache etched itself into bone, a depth of passion he hadn't felt since he wrought for a false Heaven.

She is a fruit, ripe as a plum and twice the taste. Peel her open. There is a seed at her core. Plant it in your soot-field chest and watch her bloom anew.

What are these hands for if not this?

Flesh like sheets of silk. Muscle like rope. Blood like honey. Bone like an ivory trove. The splitting, the squelching, the straining, ripping, snapping; it burrowed marrow-deep and lingered there. Her chest peeled apart like jagged teeth, jaws croaking their rusted tune, and inside that redslick maw was the center of the universe.

The heart upon its throne, still as she, shielded by her precious lungs. It slid into his palm like it was always meant to be there. Raw, rich, and so very scarlet. Its sinews strained against his pull — those hollow vines that fed even the furthest parts of her — so he wrenched them free and draped himself in them like matchless finery.

Eat. Eat ‘til you’re sick. There’s a hole the size of her in the pit of your stomach. Eat until you fill it. 

What are these teeth for if not this?

Tough as leather; smooth as rubber. His teeth slid right off the rind and clicked together with nothing but metallic sheen between them. He gnashed at that ink-dripping muscle until he found a spot weak enough to tear apart. It tasted of rare meat and iron; a heady gore thick enough to drown in. He swallowed, gasped, and that first new breath felt like a blade.

The child inside him saw her split-open ribs as his cradle. He wanted to crawl inside, curl up, and die. He wanted to paint himself her color.

He lost his vision to the hot, angry wash. His own sobs were a distant sound, muffled by meat and blood and his own desperate fingers. He was numb in the mouth and in the shake of his hands, but he forced himself to eat, eat despite the choking, the gagging, the wet, weeping remorse.

Don’t you dare throw her up. Be grateful. Swallow and say thank you and finish what you’ve started.

He bit into his own palm, indistinguishable from her core, and he cried out in sour relief. His hands spread raw grief over his face, through his hair, and down his neck.

You’re no better than this starving world.

He curled into himself, hands clutching his own aching chest, and despite the cloudless sky, he called upon the rain.

[the-crow-binary]

I'm just saying, it took thousands upon thousands of years and many more random combinations of homo sapiens and humans to craft your body, and then you go and call it ugly??? That's just rude. Hundreds of thousands of years worth of work went into that body. Respect it, bro.

[toytulini]

i made an oc thats at least nicknamed "Stupid" and im constantly thinking about what a power move that is tbh

[timey-fandom-stuff]

you ever have a dream so unbelievably cool that when you wake up you just about screech in rage that it ended too early...

[tuesdayscanons]

I could probably just say the comic name like a normal person, but I think revealing it like this is way funnier.

[vaugarde]

well i finished renegade. i sure was renegading all over the place

[pepprs]

ok hi. not to be stupid about this publicly once again but it’s 5:34 am [update it is now 5:53 am] and i have gotten absolutely HORRIBLE sleep tonight. first bc i was so stressed that i couldn’t fall asleep until 1:30am. then because my sister is sleeping in our room again (long story) which is good for her bc she’s making progress w her ocd but it means that she comes in with h the flashlight on after 2am and has to check the room and she leaves the bedroom door wide open which distorts the white noise from the sojnd machine which is right in front of my bed. and she’s like laughing at stuff on her phone too so all the subtleties of sound and light disrupt me and wake me up and throw me off. and also it’s freakishly hot so i woke up a couple times bc of that. and now im awake at 5:30ish after barely sleeping for 4 hours bc im stressed bc it’s Passover and my moms bday and im leaving work early today and tomorrow for the “””””Seder””””” (which again literally is not a seder it’s just dinner w my grandpa) and barely have time to get anything done at work and haven’t done anything for my mom and have to clean the house for my grandpa to come over and we literally don’t even have a dinner table yet likr idkw aht the fuck we’re going to do.. and also im fucking STARVING. because guess what!!!! we have to stop eating bread!!!! and i usually have 4 slices with avocado / guac on them before i go to sleep but there were only 4 slices left in the whole house so i had 2 so my brother will get to have the other 2 during the day. and my stomach is howling rn. and we have other things to eat like fruit and stuff but nothing that’s not going to throw me off.. like im not about to eat an orange at 5:30am it’s going to set my throat on fire with the acid this early in the morning. and we don’t have any snack foods in this house or like anything that can be made without having to prepare it for a while bc of our diet (lol). and we don’t have any flatbread or tortillas or whatever yet. so im going fucking crazy and feeling resentful abt passover again and wondering what the hell im going to do going into work and not being able to eat bagels for breakfast after not being able to eat my bedtime snack and being this hungry and stressed and miserable for a week on top of everything else. lol

[scottstiles]

i think what really gets me about the idea of babygod jack is like.. you have no real choice but to love your kids. (i wouldnt actually know but. lets not go there).

my point is loving god like a father isn’t as good because love for a parent is unreliable and unstable and likely to have conditions even if it’s only the most extreme kind

whereas love for ones child is usually absolute. irrational even. its just either there fully and wholly or its not at all (again. extreme conditions). so from the perspective of loyalty as it can be encompassed in love and devotion as it manifests in total unconditional connection i just think that.

it works better. tastes better. feels . dare i say.. organic