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#if you can no longer send us direct messages: this is why and I am very sorry.
when will our DMs come back from the war (Tumblr randomly deciding we need to "verify" the exact same email address we've been using since we signed up for this godforsaken webbed site in 2012, without actually sending us a verification email.)
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Indefinite hiatus
I was toying with writing up a long post about what running this blog has meant to me over the years and why I'm stepping away for the foreseeable future, but that feels too dramatic for what's really just me saying "I'm not going to be on tumblr for at least the rest of the year". So, I'll just say I'm not going to be on tumblr for at least the rest of the year.
Okay, actually I have a bunch more to say, but it'll be under the cut.
Politics sucks. And paying attention to it, even in the reduced way I've been paying attention to it over the last few years, is hard. You end up spending so much of your supposedly free time thinking about things you can't change, getting mad about things you can't change, and getting depressed when the people who can change things just keep going in the wrong direction. Even when good things happen, it's just a matter of a few days before something bad happens once again. And vice versa. It's an endless cycle of hope, despair, resignation. Rinse and repeat, and triple speed that cycle during an election year. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of spending every other year worried about what's going to happen on one day in November. I'm tired of hearing a piece of news and automatically composing a post about it or running through 20 different responses I might give to asks I might get about it in my head.
Everyone I know who doesn't pay attention to politics (or at least doesn't run a social media page dedicated to it) seems to enjoy their live a lot more than I currently do. Which sounds way more dramatic than what's actually going on, which is mainly that I want to get to a place where I just don't care. I want the world and its problems to flow off my back instead of weighing it down. I want to stop thinking about what people on the internet might say about something I haven't even posted yet. And that can't happen while I'm tied to this blog. So I'll be staying away from it for at least the rest of the year.
I did have a good time with this blog. I've met a bunch of really awesome people, some who are sadly no longer with us (RIP Blue), and some who I think will carry on the "fight" way better than I ever did. This isn't an admission of defeat, or pessimism about the election. Even if Trump wins, and I truly think he will if we have a fair election, I still won't be back this year. But I'll still vote and I'll still be proud that my silly little tumblr blog had an impact on some people's lives. I may not have the reach of a Tucker Carlson or a Glenn Beck, but I've gotten a lot of messages from people who said they changed their minds about an issue, or even politics in general, because of things I said, and that counts for something. If you guys take anything away from me, I want it to be this: Even the smallest impact matters. It doesn't matter if you only ever reach one person and then stop, reaching that one person is enough. Changing one vote is enough. Changing one mind is enough.
To all my mutuals, you guys are the best. I truly hope you have wonderful lives and I'm sad I won't get to see your names on my dash everyday anymore. To anyone I've ever followed or reblogged from, I couldn't have had a blog without you, so thank you. Yes, even the leftiod psychos, XD. To everyone else, find your own balance and never give into despair and never listen to people who tell you not to try. Even a failed effort is still more meaningful than sitting back and mocking people for trying to improve even the smallest thing about themselves or the world around them.
I won't be logging back in after I post this, so any messages or asks you send, I won't see. I'll still be active (or as active as I ever am) in my discord, so feel free to join there if you want to. It should still be my pinned post, but if it isn't, I'll edit this with a new invite link.
And that's all I've got to say for now.
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pien-art · 1 year
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-FAQ-
Hello! I've gained a whole bunch of followers lately and I've been getting a lot of questions about commissions, what my setup is, what brushes I use, etc, so I thought I'd make a post about it to answer everyone's questions at once !
Putting them under the cut <3
Commissions:
Commission prices are listed in my pinned post. You can send me a private message about your commission idea and we can get to talking :) It is helpful to have enough references handy (character, outfit, descriptions etc)
I am generally a fast drawer but I also have a job and a physical disability so there might be moments I can't work on your commission. But that is never longer than a few days at most.
Payment is upfront, the full amount and via paypal only. I know this might seem a bit scary but unfortunately there are a lot of people who end up not paying for commissions and I want to avoid that.
During the process I will send you frequent updates and will ask for input, to see if it is going in the direction you want. You can ask for changes during the sketching progress but once I've started on line-art and coloring, no big changes will happen. (You can for example ask for a different color for a shirt etc, but not for a different prop or pose or expression)
When it is completed, I will send the drawing to you via email. The drawing will remain mine and it is not to be sold or profited of by the person who commissioned me. If the commission is for something commercial/for selling, that needs to be discussed. I prefer to do drawings only for personal use!
For more questions, my dms/asks are open :)
How long have I been doing digital art:
I've been drawing digitally for about 5 years now i think? But before that I've been drawing and painting traditionally literally since the moment I could pick up a pencil.
Set-up:
It's just me and my ipad and apple pencil laying on my bed. I wouldn't even know where to begin for those whole multi-monitor/screen setups ;-; I draw only with Procreate
Brushes:
I tend to play with different brushes from time to time to get different textures, but generally i use the same few for most of my drawings/styles. My favorite one is the Peppermint Brush, for sketching. I use it in every drawing i make! I always sketch with it, and often do the line-art with it as well! And it makes for a nice textured brush for rendering as well! (i used it for a lot of rendering of the armor in this drawing)
The (procreate) brushes i use a lot are
for medieval style: inking - Ink Bleed (for line-art) artistic - Quoll (for coloring)
for general style: calligraphy - Chalk (coloring/rendering) sketching - Peppermint (line-art/sketching)
for realism: calligraphy - Shale Brush (full rendering) Also using the shale brush for smudging and erasing when drawing realistic
for lineart: smooth pencil from this pack by Heygiudi
How/why do you choose a base color:
I tend to look at a few different things when deciding on a base color/color palette.
the overall color of the reference pic
the color i associate with who or what i am drawing
the feeling/vibe i want to give off with that drawing
color has a BIG impact on the vibe of a drawing, so it is something i keep in mind when im drawing.
Using a color as a base to start, helps a lot with my drawing process. It helps me pick out other colors so they match better. It helps me get light/dark values right. And the chalk brush i use, has gaps between the strokes, so the base color will always come through a little. Having the same color come through in the entire drawing, helps pull all the colors together if that makes sense? I always start with a solid base color when i am painting traditionally as well!
Advice:
PRACTICE!!! just keep drawing and practice. I know this is such generic advice but truly practice is The Way. Learn from other artists but don't compare yourself to them. Everyone's artistic journey is different and there's no "good" or "bad". And most importantly make sure that you have fun when you're making stuff :3
I also learn a lot by studying art I admire and love. Figuring out what it is I like about it. (for example, the line thickness or the shapes or texture etc), and try to incorporate that in my own style in a way that is not directly copying or stealing.
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drewharrisonwriter · 9 days
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Life Well Loved
Status: One Shot, Complete
Summary: Dieter Bravo’s life proves that plans are overrated—and he’s never been more right about not having one.
Word Count: 12.9k words -- I KNOW! (In Monica Geller's voice)
A/N: Am I having a Dieter brain rot? Why yes, yes, I am. I know I should be writing the next chapter of Lifeline, but here we are. This story contains themes of pregnancy and navigating unexpected life changes, with emotionally intense scenes that touch on topics like potential pregnancy termination, personal doubts, and fears. Though it's mostly fluff, the narrative leans toward a hopeful and supportive direction but explores the complexities of relationships and personal growth. Because hey, it's Dieter!
Warnings: Allusion to abortion, brief mentions of substance use (past), discussions of anxiety and self-doubt, public scrutiny/social media negativity, mentions of past parental loss, minor family tensions, and emotional conversations around pregnancy. Please read with care if these subjects are sensitive for you.
P.S. My laptop, which served me well for 5 years, just gave out. With grad school, the recent loss of my stepdad, and ongoing medical bills, finances are tight. I’m currently managing writing commissions and my dissertation from my phone, which is okay but really challenging. If you can help with a donation or by commissioning some of my writing, it would mean the world to me. Just send me a message 💜 Thank you from the bottom of my heart for any support you can offer. 💜🙏🏻
Read this on AO3 | Check out my Masterlist
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Dieter Bravo never thought he’d end up married, let alone to his best friend. It wasn’t the kind of love story he had planned for himself, but then again, Dieter’s plans were usually an afterthought to his impulsive nature. He met her—his wife, the love of his life—years ago at a book signing. He’d been dragged there by a friend who swore her mystery novels were like something straight out of an Agatha Christie thriller, but with a modern, edgier twist.
“Come on, man. Just try something new,” his friend had nudged, practically shoving Dieter into the crowded bookstore. “She’s hot and her books are actually good. Not that you’d know.”
Dieter rolled his eyes but followed, pretending not to care. He didn’t read much beyond scripts, but when he saw her—standing there all wide-eyed and charming behind the signing table, chatting easily with fans—he was hooked. She had this warmth about her, a smile that reached her eyes, and a way of making everyone feel like they were the only person in the room.
When it was his turn in line, Dieter cleared his throat, a little unsure of what to say. “So, uh, is it true you based your killer on your ex?” he asked, flashing her his signature smirk.
She looked up, amused. “Only the charming parts. The murderous tendencies are purely fictional.”
Dieter chuckled, genuinely entertained. “Good to know. I’ll keep my charming side in check.”
She laughed, and Dieter swore he could listen to that sound all day. But the moment passed quickly, and they parted ways, the brief exchange lingering in Dieter’s mind longer than he’d like to admit.
They didn’t reconnect until months later when Dieter landed the role of a lifetime in the film adaptation of one of her books. He played the brooding lead, a role he was born to play, and she was on set every day, consulting on the story she knew better than anyone.
“Bravo!” she called out one afternoon, waving the script in the air as he finished a scene. “I think you missed a line, but you definitely nailed the smirk.”
“Missed the line? Nah, I made it better,” Dieter shot back, strutting over with that effortless confidence of his. “Besides, isn’t the lead supposed to be mysterious and broody? I’m just adding layers.”
She rolled her eyes, smiling. “Layers of bullshit, maybe.”
Their banter was easy, and soon, late nights spent in hotel bars became their thing. They’d laugh over terrible room service and even worse dialogue changes, often rewriting entire scenes together between drinks.
“Do you think the audience is gonna buy this twist?” Dieter asked one night, his brow furrowed as he scribbled on a napkin. “It’s a bit much, don’t you think?”
“It’s a mystery, Bravo. It’s supposed to be dramatic,” she said, playfully nudging his shoulder. “Besides, you’re the one bringing it to life. If anyone can sell it, it’s you.”
Over the years, their friendship grew deeper. Dieter adored her—not just for her talent, but for the way she saw right through him. She didn’t care about the Hollywood persona; she cared about the guy who struggled with his lines, laughed too loudly, and occasionally got lost in his own head. And it was clear to anyone who knew him that she was the only one who truly got him.
“Why do you even stick around?” Dieter asked one night, half-drunk and more vulnerable than he intended. They were sitting on the balcony of some hotel in Vancouver, the city lights flickering below them, empty glasses scattered between them.
She looked over at him, surprised at the question but not at the insecurity behind it. “You’re kidding, right? Who else is gonna put up with my obsessive rewriting of everything?”
Dieter smirked, but the self-deprecation was still there, hovering. “I’m serious, baby. You’ve seen me at my worst. Hell, you’ve probably seen me at my best, and let’s be real, there’s not a whole lot of difference.”
She rolled her eyes, but there was affection in the gesture. “Come on, Dee. You think I don’t know who you are? I’ve watched you screw up a million times and still pull it off somehow. You’re not as hopeless as you think.”
“Yeah, but it’s all smoke and mirrors,” he muttered, leaning back and staring at the city. “I’m just this mess pretending to be a movie star. And people buy it, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the act.”
She leaned closer, her smile gentle but knowing. “You’re not acting, Dee. This is you—chaotic, brilliant, all over the place. And somehow it works. That’s why people love you. It’s why I love you.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Sure, but it’s not exactly the stuff that makes for a stable life. I can’t even commit to a weekly gym routine, let alone… you know, anything permanent.”
“Well, it’s good you know that about yourself,” she said, her tone more serious now. “But just because you’re not ready for all that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. You’ve built this crazy, messy, amazing life, and you’ve done it on your terms.”
Dieter glanced at her, the sincerity in her eyes almost too much to bear. “But it’s still just a mess, right? Like, I don’t know how to be the guy who settles down, who has the white picket fence and the kids. It’s not in me.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t make you any less,” she pointed out, nudging his knee with hers. “You’re the guy who shows up when it counts, who makes people laugh when they need it, who cares more than he lets on. And that’s enough, Dee. It really is.”
Dieter stared at her, his expression softening. “You make it sound like I’m not totally screwing everything up.”
“Because you’re not,” she said simply, giving him a small, reassuring smile. “You’re doing what works for you, and that’s more than most people can say. So don’t be so hard on yourself, okay?”
They sat in a comfortable silence, the kind that comes from knowing each other inside and out. Dieter wasn’t sure if he could ever really change, but with her by his side, he felt like maybe he didn’t need to.
The media loved to ask when Dieter Bravo, Hollywood’s lovable mess, was going to settle down. He always laughed it off, brushing it aside with jokes and his trademark self-deprecation. “Settle down?” he’d scoff to reporters, flashing that crooked grin. “Have kids? I can barely take care of myself. I mean, who’s gonna look after the baby when I’m off in Cabo or Amsterdam on a bender?”
He was always open about not wanting to be tied down, convinced that marriage and fatherhood were responsibilities he’d inevitably screw up just like everything else. Deep down, he didn’t think he was cut out for it. Not the commitment, not the kids—none of it. And yet, every time he thought about those nights spent talking with her, he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, he could be more than the sum of his fears.
The truth was, Dieter loved being around kids, especially when visiting his favorite charities—arts programs, hospitals, anywhere that needed his presence to brighten the day. He had a soft spot for the kids who showed up at his movie premieres with homemade signs and for the shy ones who peeked out from behind their parents at hospital visits, their eyes lighting up at the sight of a real-life movie star. He’d spend hours signing autographs, posing for pictures, and handing out gifts. But wanting that momentary joy and having it every day were two entirely different things, and he didn’t think he was built for the kind of life that meant forever.
Then there was Vegas. It was one of those wild weekends that only Dieter and his friends could pull off, the kind that started with a simple plan and spiraled into chaos before anyone could catch their breath. They were there to celebrate a friend’s birthday—a milestone that felt more like a warning than a celebration to Dieter, who had spent the better part of the year dodging questions about settling down and growing up.
The night was a blur of neon lights, overpriced drinks, and the kind of reckless energy that only Vegas could inspire. Dieter and his best friend were deep into their third round of shots at some tacky but charming casino bar, laughing so hard their sides hurt. The conversation was easy, like it always was, jumping from half-remembered movie quotes to bad relationship stories that only got funnier with every shot.
“Remember when you two were drunk off margaritas and swore you’d get married if you were still single at 35?” one of their friends blurted out, pointing at Dieter and her with a tipsy grin. “Well, look at that—clock’s ticking, you two.”
“Oh please, they’d kill each other in a week,” another friend chimed in, rolling their eyes dramatically. “But hey, at least the headlines would be great.”
Dieter leaned back, smirking. “You think she’d kill me? I’m charming as hell.”
She snorted, leaning in closer to Dieter. “Charming? Sure, Dee, if charming means spilling three drinks and forgetting your lines.”
“Oh, you love it, don’t lie,” Dieter shot back, nudging her shoulder playfully.
Their friends egged them on, throwing out half-baked marriage advice between sips of whatever was in their glasses. “Just make sure you don’t pull a Ross and say the wrong name at the altar,” one joked, and they all burst into laughter, doubling over as the drinks kept flowing.
“Hey, I can pronounce her name just fine,” Dieter retorted, raising his glass to her. “What do you say, baby? You and me, Vegas style.”
“Wel…we’re way past 35 now…” she said, still smiling but now with a hint of mischief, “technically, we missed our window… so might as well make good on that old pact, right?”
Dieter stared at her, the room spinning slightly as he tried to read between the lines. They were supposed to be just friends, right? But it didn’t feel like a joke anymore, not when she looked at him like that. And for once, he didn’t want to think it through. He didn’t want to second-guess it or talk himself out of it like he usually did.
“Fuck it,” Dieter said, grinning wider than he had in months. “Let’s do it. You and me, baby. Let’s get hitched.”
Their friends erupted in cheers, half-shocked, half-encouraging, but it didn’t matter. They were drunk on cheap tequila and the reckless abandon of the Vegas Strip, where anything seemed possible. Before Dieter knew it, they were stumbling into a tacky little chapel off the main drag, the kind with neon hearts and an Elvis impersonator in the back who’d seen one too many late-night weddings.
The ceremony was a blur. Dieter remembered laughing so hard that he nearly dropped the ring—some gaudy, oversized thing they’d bought from a souvenir shop on the way over—and the way she squeezed his hand so tightly he could feel her nerves mixing with his own. There were no big speeches or dramatic declarations of love, just a lot of giggling, whispered jokes, and the kind of easy joy that felt like it belonged to them and them alone.
“Do you, Dieter Bravo, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” the Elvis officiant drawled, barely keeping it together.
Dieter glanced at her, still half-expecting her to back out at the last second. But she was looking at him, eyes full of that familiar mix of sarcasm and something deeper that he’d never quite put a name to. “I do,” he said, and for once, it didn’t feel like a lie.
“And do you, sweetheart, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Elvis asked, already cracking a grin.
She squeezed Dieter’s hand, barely containing her laughter. “Hell yeah, I do.”
Elvis squinted, pausing dramatically. “Are you sure? Divorces are expensive. Trust me, I’ve had three.”
Their friends howled from the pews, tossing out quips. “Yeah, blink twice if you need an escape plan!” one of them shouted, while another chimed in, “You’re stuck with him now, good luck!”
Dieter threw his arm around her, laughing so hard his sides hurt. “Don’t worry, baby, I’m the best terrible decision you’ll ever make.”
She leaned in, grinning. “Guess we’re both screwed then.”
They kissed, and it was messy and off-center, but it felt right. It was the kind of kiss that was more about the laughter and less about the perfection of the moment, which was exactly how Dieter liked it. When they pulled apart, he was breathless, and she was glowing in a way that made the whole crazy, impulsive thing feel like the best decision he’d ever made.
They walked out of that chapel with matching rings and a new reality that neither of them fully understood but were more than willing to figure out together. And in true Dieter fashion, they celebrated the only way they knew how—by grabbing greasy burgers at an all-night diner and gambling away the rest of the night like newlyweds who couldn’t care less about what tomorrow would bring.
For once in his life, Dieter didn’t feel like he was running from anything. He was running toward something—toward her—and it felt like the only thing that made sense.
The first few months of marriage were an unpredictable whirlwind, much like the wedding itself. There were no grand changes, no dramatic shifts—just more of the same easy companionship they’d always had, now with the added humor of “Mrs. Bravo” peppered into their banter. They spent mornings in Dieter’s cluttered kitchen, arguing over the best way to make coffee while stumbling over each other in pajamas that never quite matched. Evenings were spent curled up on the couch, watching bad movies and stealing kisses during the credits like lovesick teenagers.
Their friends couldn’t get enough of it, either. The tabloids had gone wild over the news—Dieter Bravo, Hollywood’s most notorious bachelor, suddenly married to his long-time friend in a drunken Vegas escapade. Headlines like “Bravo’s Big Gamble” and “Hollywood’s Wildest Newlyweds” splashed across every gossip rag in the country. But Dieter and his wife took it in stride, shrugging off the noise and focusing on what actually mattered: them.
His family had been just as surprised but in the best way. They had welcomed her with open arms from the very first time she and Dieter had visited together. His mom had pulled her into a tight hug at the door, immediately peppering her with questions about her books and telling her how she had a shelf dedicated to them in the living room. Dieter’s siblings loved her, too—his sister often roping her into baking sessions in the kitchen, laughing over old stories about Dieter’s childhood antics that usually ended with him covered in mud or glitter or some combination of both.
It wasn’t long before she became a staple in their family gatherings, fitting in as if she’d always been there. Sunday dinners at the Bravo house turned into her favorite ritual. She’d help Dieter’s mom in the kitchen, rolling out dough for pies while swapping recipes and stories. Dieter’s nieces and nephews adored her, crowding around to hear tales of mystery and adventure, eyes wide as she brought her characters to life with every word.
“Can you tell us the one about the detective who finds the secret tunnel again?” one of his nephews had asked during Thanksgiving, tugging at her sleeve.
She smiled, glancing at Dieter, who was sitting at the head of the table, grinning like an idiot. “Only if you promise to help me figure out what’s at the end of it,” she teased, ruffling his hair.
His father, a retired fertility expert who had always been the more reserved member of the family, quickly warmed up to her, too. They’d sit on the porch during long afternoons, sipping coffee and talking about life, books, and the occasional scientific trivia that she found endlessly fascinating. He appreciated her wit, her genuine interest in everyone around her, and the way she always seemed to make his son smile.
As the year rolled by, the Bravo family embraced her more and more, and she felt a sense of belonging she hadn’t expected. She was no longer just Dieter’s wife; she was a daughter-in-law, a sister, and an aunt. She was family.
So when Christmas rolled around again, she was eager to be back at the Bravo household, despite feeling under the weather. She’d been sick for nearly two weeks, and Dieter had been worried. She barely ate, surviving mostly on pesto chicken paninis and iced coffee—the only things she could keep down. Still, she was excited to see his family, to bask in the warmth of his mother’s home-cooked meals and his sister-in-law’s desserts. She was looking forward to being surrounded by people who loved her as much as she loved them.
The moment they stepped through the front door, Dieter’s mom engulfed her in a hug, commenting on how thin she looked, and his sister immediately dragged her into the kitchen, insisting on making her favorite cookies. Dieter watched from the doorway, leaning against the frame with a smile. She fit here—so naturally, so effortlessly—that it almost made him forget how odd it all still felt to be someone’s husband. But then she’d look at him across the room, with that same smile she’d had since the bar in Vegas, and it felt right.
But as they settled into the cozy familiarity of his childhood home, Dieter’s father began to notice something. It wasn’t just that she looked tired—there was something else. A subtle glow to her skin, the way her eyes would soften when she looked at Dieter, the quiet but unmistakable aversions to certain foods she normally loved. When she grimaced at the sight of his wife’s famous lasagna and instead picked at a simple salad, he raised an eyebrow. He had seen it before, four times with his own wife, and the theory formed in his mind almost instantly.
It was the little things: how she leaned into Dieter when she thought no one was looking, resting her head on his shoulder like she couldn’t quite keep herself upright; the way her laughter was softer, tinged with something almost nervous. She hadn’t touched a drop of wine the entire evening, claiming she wasn’t in the mood, which was unlike her—especially when Dieter’s mom brought out her favorite bottle from the cellar.
Dieter’s dad observed quietly, piecing together the signs with a mix of curiosity and growing certainty. He knew better than to jump to conclusions, but every instinct told him that there was more to her recent sickness than a simple bug.
Later that evening, after dinner, Dieter and his father found themselves outside on the patio. The chill in the air was biting, and Dieter’s breath formed little puffs of smoke as he lit a cigarette, the faint glow of the ember flickering in the dark. He offered one to his dad, who simply shook his head, declining as usual. They settled into an easy silence, the kind that came from years of shared moments like these, watching the yard stretch out before them, dotted with twinkling Christmas lights that cast a warm, festive glow over the familiar landscape.
Dieter took a long drag, savoring the brief buzz of nicotine, and leaned back in his chair. It was quiet, the kind of quiet that always made him think too much, but tonight he welcomed it. He glanced sideways at his dad, whose face was half-lit by the soft glow of the porch light, lost in thought as he nursed his coffee.
“You know, son,” his father said finally, breaking the silence, “I couldn’t help but notice something about her tonight.”
Dieter raised an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. “Yeah? Like what?”
His father hesitated, his expression thoughtful as he swirled the coffee in his mug. “She’s been feeling under the weather, hasn’t she? Seems a bit off.”
Dieter nodded, taking another drag and blowing out the smoke in a slow stream. “Yeah, she’s been sick for a couple of weeks. Picky about food, which isn’t like her. She’s basically living on those pesto chicken paninis. She can’t keep much else down.”
His father chuckled softly, the sound low and knowing, like he was recalling something long ago. “Huh. That’s interesting. Reminds me of your mom back in the day.”
Dieter frowned, glancing over at him. “What do you mean?”
There was a pause, and his father’s eyes stayed fixed on the yard, lost in a memory that Dieter couldn’t quite place. Finally, he spoke, his tone careful, almost gentle. “Have you considered she might be pregnant?”
Dieter’s reaction was instant—he snorted, nearly choking on his cigarette smoke as he laughed it off, but the sound was more nervous than amused. “Pregnant? Nah, no way. She’s got an IUD. Besides, we’ve been careful.”
His father smiled, but it wasn’t condescending. It was the kind of smile that spoke of experience, of having lived through more than one surprise in his lifetime. “IUDs aren’t foolproof, son. Nothing is. And I’ve seen those signs before. Aversions, fatigue, the way she looked at food tonight… I saw it with your mother every time she was pregnant.”
Dieter’s laugh faded, replaced by an uncomfortable tightness in his chest. He ran a hand through his hair, tugging slightly at the ends as his mind raced. “You’re serious?”
“Look, I’m not saying she is,” his father said, raising his hands in a small gesture of surrender. “But I’ve been around this long enough to know the signs when I see them. I’m just saying, it’s possible.”
Dieter stared out at the yard, the once comforting sight now blurred by the thoughts colliding in his mind. He tried to dismiss it, to chalk it up to his dad’s habit of overanalyzing things. But suddenly, every little moment from the past few weeks replayed in his head like a reel he couldn’t pause: the way she’d cried over soup earlier that evening, overwhelmed by finally finding something she could eat; the quiet, tired smiles; the sudden need to rest her head on his shoulder whenever she got the chance. Dieter had brushed it off as just a rough patch—nothing serious, nothing that couldn’t be fixed with rest and time.
But now, hearing his father say it out loud, it all started to click. The missed meals, the strange cravings, her emotional reactions to things that normally wouldn’t faze her. It was like putting together a puzzle he didn’t even know he was working on.
“What do I do if you’re right?” Dieter finally asked, his voice low, tinged with a mix of fear and something else he couldn’t quite name.
His father took another sip of his coffee, considering his son carefully. “You talk to her. Find out for sure. And whatever the outcome, you handle it together. That’s what this is, Dieter. Marriage, family—it's not about knowing every answer. It’s about facing it together, no matter how unexpected it is.”
Dieter nodded, though his mind was still reeling. He didn’t know if he was ready for what his father was suggesting, but one thing was clear: he needed to talk to her. His dad’s words hung heavy in the cold night air, and suddenly, the easygoing world Dieter had grown comfortable in felt a little less certain. 
That night, back in their room at Dieter’s parents’ house, the tension lingered like a thick fog. They were staying for the weekend, and though the familiarity of the guest room usually felt comforting, tonight it felt like the walls were closing in. Dieter sprawled out on the bed, flipping through channels on the TV without really watching. His mind was a mess of half-formed thoughts, circling back to the conversation with his father, and he couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling gnawing at him.
She was curled up next to him, absorbed in her Kindle, but every so often, Dieter noticed her shifting slightly, like she couldn’t quite get comfortable. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, trying to figure out how to bring up what was weighing on him without sounding like he’d lost his mind.
“So, funny story,” Dieter started, forcing a lightness into his tone that he didn’t feel. “My dad has this theory. He thinks you might be pregnant.”
She looked up from her Kindle, her brow furrowing as she processed his words. “What? Where’d that come from?”
“Yeah, I know,” Dieter laughed, though it sounded more nervous than amused. He fidgeted with the remote, clicking through channels too fast to see what was on. “He’s been watching you tonight, noticing stuff. You know, the food aversions and all that. He said something about it reminding him of when my mom was pregnant.”
She blinked, staring at him like she wasn’t sure if he was joking or serious. “That’s… random. I mean, it’s just paninis and iced coffee. And I’ve been stressed, that’s all. I mean, I have an IUD.”
“Yeah, that’s what I told him,” Dieter said, shrugging. “I told him it’s not possible, right? But he kept going on about how those things aren’t foolproof and—”
She cut him off, her laugh sharp and a little shaky. “No, yeah, of course. It’s just… I mean, we’ve been careful. I thought…”
Dieter raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk crossing his lips. “Careful? Are we really?” He gave her a knowing look, recalling their many reckless moments. “I mean, I lost count of the times we said, ‘eh, what’s the worst that could happen?’”
She groaned, burying her face in her hands, but she couldn’t hide the grin peeking through. “Oh God, don’t remind me. You said it’d be fine because ‘science, baby!’”
“Yeah, classic me,” Dieter laughed, feeling the tension break just a little. “Maybe our ‘science’ needs some workshopping.”
They chuckled, genuinely amused by their own recklessness. For a moment, it felt like any other night, just the two of them joking around like they always did. But then the laughter faded, and the unspoken possibility lingered, nudging at the back of their minds.
Dieter hesitated, then set the remote down, his voice dropping to a softer, more vulnerable tone. “IUDs aren’t a hundred percent, you know.”
She didn’t say anything right away, her eyes locked on him as if searching for some reassurance he couldn’t quite give. Finally, she set her Kindle aside, pulling her knees up to her chest. “Do you think… do you think he’s right?”
The question hung in the air, too big to ignore, and neither of them moved. Dieter rubbed the back of his neck, his mind racing. “I don’t know, baby. But we could… find out.”
She nodded, her breath hitching slightly, and they didn’t wait to talk themselves out of it. The drive to the pharmacy was tense and quiet, but the nervous energy turned into something almost comical when they got inside. Dieter, trying to look inconspicuous in his cap and mask, accidentally grabbed a COVID test from the shelf and tossed it in the basket without looking.
She glanced at it, biting back a laugh. “Dee, unless you’re worried I’ve got a pandemic brewing, I think you grabbed the wrong kind of test.”
“What?” He squinted at the box, his eyes widening. “Oh, shit. I just saw ‘test’ and panicked. Could you imagine? ‘Congratulations, you’re… COVID positive!’”
They both snorted, trying to suppress their laughter as they swapped it out for a pile of pregnancy tests. “At least we’re wearing masks,” she quipped, trying to hide her nerves behind the humor.
Dieter nodded, their masks pulling at their grins as they paid quickly and slipped back out into the night. Back in their room, she took the tests into Dieter’s private bathroom, thankful she didn’t have to make the awkward walk down the hallway past his nephews, who were still glued to the PlayStation. Dieter paced the room, his anxiety growing with every passing second. He could hear the faint sounds of her moving in the bathroom—running water, the crinkle of plastic, the sound of her soft sighs—and each noise sent a jolt of unease through him.
He ran his hands through his hair, messing it up even more, his mind racing with a thousand thoughts. What if his dad was right? What if they were really about to become parents? He didn’t know how to do this—any of it. He wasn’t cut out to be a dad. Hell, he could barely take care of himself most days. But then he thought about her, about the way she used to talk about wanting a family, back in the early days of their friendship, years before they got married. She’d share those dreams in the quiet moments when they were lying in bed, late at night, her voice soft and wistful as she painted a picture of a life she wanted someday—one with kids, a messy house full of love, and mornings that started with chaos and ended with bedtime stories.
He hadn’t heard her talk about it in a long time, not since they’d crossed the line from best friends to whatever it was they’d become now. They hadn’t really discussed it after they got married, like the possibility had just been a footnote in their drunken Vegas vows, not something real. But Dieter knew she probably still wanted it, that deep down, those dreams hadn’t gone away, just tucked themselves into a quieter part of her heart.
And now, for the first time, Dieter let himself admit what he’d been denying all along—he wanted it, too. He tried to fight it, tried to tell himself he was still the same guy who didn’t want to be tied down, but the truth was, he’d settled down the moment he said “I do.” And now… he’s sure he’s ready to dream of that life, too. The one where they weren’t just figuring things out as they went but actually working towards something together, as husband and wife, as mom and dad.
Finally, the bathroom door creaked open, and she stepped out, her face pale and her hands trembling slightly. She didn’t have to say anything; Dieter could see the truth in her eyes. Without a word, he followed her into the bathroom, and there they were, lined up on the counter: five pregnancy tests, each one showing two clear lines.
Positive. All of them.
Dieter stared at the tests, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find something, anything, to say. He could hear her breathing beside him, shallow and uneven, and he knew her heart was pounding just as hard as his. She swallowed, her eyes fixed on the tests as if they might change if she stared long enough.
She finally broke the silence, her voice small but steady. “It’s okay, Dieter. You don’t have to worry about it. I’ll… I’ll take care of it.”
Her words snapped Dieter back to reality, his brows furrowing as he tried to grasp what she meant. He watched her walk past him out of the bathroom, her movements brisk and determined, but there was a tremble in her step that made his stomach drop. She went straight to the dresser, grabbing her phone with a familiar sense of purpose. Dieter followed, his confusion mounting as she dialed a number with shaky hands.
“What are you doing?” Dieter asked, his voice edged with growing alarm. “Who are you calling in the middle of the night?”
She glanced at him but didn’t answer directly. “It’s fine, Dee. I’m going to take care of it.”
The line clicked, and a familiar voice filled the silence—one of her friends, an OB-GYN Dieter had met several times at dinner parties and gatherings. “Hey, I’m sorry to call so late,” she said into the phone, her voice tight but controlled. “I need another favor.”
Dieter’s heart sank as he heard the gasp on the other end. The doctor’s voice wavered, filled with concern. “Are you sure? I mean… are you really sure about this?”
Dieter watched her, still trying to catch up, but he could hear the tension in the doctor’s voice and the weight of what was being asked. She glanced at him, her eyes meeting his, and in that moment, Dieter felt like the ground was slipping out from under him. “I’m sure,” she said quietly. “I’ll wait for the prescription in the morning.”
She ended the call and set the phone down, her hand trembling. Dieter felt his shock morphing into a hot, simmering anger, his chest tightening as he tried to make sense of what he’d just heard. “What?” he asked, his voice rising, desperate to believe he’d misheard. “What prescription? Prenatal vitamins?” He was trying to hold onto some hope, clinging to the possibility that this wasn’t what it seemed, that she wasn’t about to make a decision without him. But deep down, he knew.
She sighed, biting her lower lip, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words seemed to catch in her throat. Dieter could see her knees wobble, and before he could process it, she was leaning against the side table, her legs barely holding her up. He rushed to her, guiding her gently to the bed and kneeling before her, his anger wavering as he saw the look in her eyes.
Tears streamed down her face, silent and relentless, and Dieter realized it was the first time he’d seen her cry in years. Not since her father had passed, not even when she’d broken up with someone he knew she had loved deeply. She was always so strong, so composed, but now she was trembling, and all she could manage were soft, broken apologies. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice cracking as she repeated it over and over. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Dieter’s anger melted away, replaced by a sharp pain that pierced his chest. He reached up, cupping her face gently, wiping away the tears that continued to fall. “Hey, hey, calm down, okay? Just… baby, please… can you tell me what that was all about?”
She nodded, her breath hitching as she tried to collect herself. The silence between them was tense, heavy with unspoken fears and the weight of what was happening. Finally, she spoke, her voice small and wavering. “I know you don’t want kids, Dieter. I’ve known that from the start, and I respect that. I love you so much, and I know I don’t say it often, but I do. I love the life we have together. And I didn’t… I didn’t want to ruin that.”
Dieter listened, the words sinking in, but every syllable felt like a sting. “You’re not ruining anything, baby,” he said, his voice softer now but still edged with confusion and hurt. “But you didn’t even… I mean, we didn’t even talk about it.”
She looked down, her tears falling faster now. “I was afraid to. You’ve always been so clear, and I didn’t want to make you feel trapped. I know kids were never part of the plan. I didn’t want to put that on you.”
Dieter took a deep breath, his mind still reeling, but he tried to keep his voice steady. “You’re not–Jesus…I understand why you feel this way baby…” he said gently, squeezing her hands. “And I’m sorry we never talked about it before, not even once. I know I said I didn’t want kids, and I thought that was it. But… then…” He sighed deeply… “W-we should at least talk about it before you go and get that prescription in the morning.”
She looked up at him, her eyes wide and glistening with tears, clearly caught between fear and guilt. “Dieter, I—”
“No, listen,” he interrupted softly, his tone calm but firm. “I want you to know that whatever you decide, I’ll support you. I’ll stand by you no matter what. But I need to know that if you go through with this, it’s because you want to, not because you think it’s what I want. I respect you, and I love you. And yeah, maybe I’ve always been afraid of having kids, but I also know you’ve wanted this. I’ve known for years, and I’m sorry we’ve never talked about it since getting married. But maybe… maybe now’s the time we should.”
She shook her head, biting her lip to keep it from trembling. “I don’t want to pop our bubble, Dieter. I’ve spent so long thinking that if I brought this up, it would be too much for you. You’ve said it before—kids are overwhelming, right? And I get it. Hell, the thought of it overwhelms me, too. But it’s different for you. I didn’t want to lose you. I love you so much, Dee. I love what we have. And I was scared that… that if I bring it up, it would drive you away.”
Dieter’s heart ached as he watched her, the weight of her words sinking in. “Baby, I’m not going anywhere,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “But you can’t just… handle this alone. Not for me.”
She took a shaky breath, the truth finally spilling out in the soft, halting words she’d kept buried. “That’s why I got the IUD. A few months after we got married… after I found out I was pregnant. You were away in London for that shoot, and I was alone. And I—” She paused, choking back a sob as she struggled to get the words out. “I panicked. I was terrified of what it would mean for us, for you, for everything. So, I… I took care of it. I didn’t want to burden you with it, and I thought I was doing the right thing.”
Dieter’s face went pale, his expression shifting from shock to something more profound—hurt, confusion, and an aching sadness that he didn’t quite know how to process. His hold on her hands went slack. He hadn’t been there. He hadn’t known. While he was away, filming scenes and living the life he thought he wanted, she had been here, facing a reality that should have been theirs to share.
“You—” Dieter started, standing up, trying to say something but the words caught in his throat. “You did that… without telling me?”
She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I didn’t know how to tell you, Dee. You were gone, and I was scared. I didn’t want you to feel trapped or forced into something you never wanted. I thought it was better that way.”
Dieter’s mind raced as he tried to grasp what she was saying. He ran a hand down his face, cupping his mouth as he took in a long drag of air. The anger he’d felt earlier had melted into something more painful, something that cut deeper than he expected. He’d never wanted this, but now, faced with the reality that they’d lost something before it had even begun, Dieter felt a profound sense of grief for what could have been—and for what he still had a chance to fight for.
He swallowed hard, his voice breaking as he spoke. “I wish you’d told me. I wish you hadn’t gone through all that alone. I know I’m not perfect, and I know I’ve said a lot of shit about not wanting kids, but… I want you. And if you want this—if you want us to have this—then I want it, too. But you have to be sure. This isn’t just about me. It’s us, and we can’t keep pretending it’s not.”
She looked at him, her eyes searching his face for any sign of hesitation, but all she saw was the man who had always been there, even when they hadn’t known what the hell they were doing. Dieter knelt before her, his hands steady on her knees, offering her the quiet reassurance she’d been afraid to ask for. They were scared, both of them, but for the first time, it felt like they were scared together.
A heavy silence stretched between them, thick with the weight of everything unsaid. She stared down at her trembling hands, struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. Finally, she broke the quiet, her voice small and cracking under the strain. “I understand if you want a divorce, Dieter.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks again, and she looked up at him, and he could feel and see the pain and resignation in them. “I’d give it to you, you know. If that’s what it takes for you to live your truth. If it means you get to live the life you always wanted—not something complicated by a kid and a wife.”
Dieter’s breath caught in his throat, and he shook his head, trying to grasp the gravity of what she was saying. “What? No… what are you talking about? Divorce? That’s not—”
“I don’t want to trap you, Dee,” she interrupted, her voice quivering. “I never wanted you to feel stuck. At least if we divorce, I get to keep my baby, and you get to live your life. We both get what we want.” She said it with a heartbreaking kind of finality, her gaze dropping as though she couldn’t bear to look at him.
Hearing her say “her baby” like that shattered something inside Dieter. He could feel his chest tighten as his emotions boiled over, hot tears streaming down his face. “You think that’s what I want?” he whispered, his voice breaking as he tried to keep it down. They were still in his parents’ house, and he didn’t want anyone hearing this, but he couldn’t keep the hurt out of his words. “You think I want to live some half-assed life without you? Without… our baby?”
She flinched at his words, torn between the guilt and the love she still felt for him. “Dieter, you’ve always said—”
“I know what I’ve said!” Dieter snapped, his voice rising before he caught himself. He pressed a fist to his mouth, trying to stifle the sobs that threatened to break free. “God, I’ve been so fucked up. So caught up in what I thought I wanted, what I told everyone I didn’t want. I never… I never told you how much I love you. How much I need you. And now you’re willing to sacrifice everything because of me? Because I’m too much of a mess to communicate? That’s not fair, baby. That’s on me.”
She looked away, blinking back tears as she tried to keep her voice steady. “It’s not about blame, Dieter. I can’t live with the guilt of not giving you the chance to have the life you deserve. I’d rather… I’d rather set you free than see you stuck in something you don’t want. I love you too much for that.”
Dieter shook his head, his shoulders slumping as the enormity of her words hit him. He didn’t know how to make her understand. “But I don’t want to be free,” he said, almost pleading. “I don’t want any of this without you. I’ve spent my whole life running from everything—commitment, responsibility, you name it. But not you. Not us. You… you made me realize I could be more than that.”
She listened, her heart breaking with every word. “I don’t want to be unfair, Dee. I’ve spent so long dreaming about this—about being a mom. And I know kids were never part of your dream, and I just… I don’t want to take that from you.”
Dieter wiped his eyes, his voice hoarse and desperate. “You’re not taking anything from me. Please, don’t do this. Don’t make decisions for me. You’ve always been my partner, my equal… baby, you make me want to be a better person… whatever the hell that looks like…”
She let out a shaky laugh through her tears, reaching up to cup his face. “I just… I didn’t want to pop our bubble. It’s been so perfect, even with all the chaos. And the thought of losing that, of losing you in such a way… it scares me more than anything.”
Dieter’s sobs turned to quiet laughter, a broken sound that mirrored the bittersweetness of the moment. “You think I’m not scared? I’ve been scared of fucking everything my whole life, and you were the one person who made me think I didn’t have to be. You’re my team, baby. We’re a damn good one. And I know that if we have this kid… our kid… we’d be amazing parents, too.”
She looked at him, her tears finally slowing, replaced by a fragile smile that made Dieter’s heartache. “I just don’t want to be unfair,” she whispered, her voice soft but sincere.
“You’re not being unfair,” Dieter said, his tone tender but firm. “Please, just… reconsider. Our relationship, our marriage… our baby. Let’s figure it out together. No more guessing what the other person wants.”
She nodded, her eyes locking with his, and for the first time since the night had started, she felt a glimmer of hope. They were both terrified, still reeling from everything that had come to light, but at least now, they were facing it together, no more secrets, no more hiding. Just the two of them and the uncertain but hopeful future with a baby they were ready to build.
The next morning was Christmas, and despite the whirlwind of emotions that had unfolded the night before, Dieter and his wife had decided to keep their news to themselves for now. It was too early—too new, too precious, and far too complicated to try to explain just yet. They put on their best smiles, exchanged gifts with his family, and managed to get through the morning without giving anything away.
As soon as they left his parents’ house, they headed straight to her OB-GYN’s office. Dieter squeezed her hand in the waiting room, both of them tense but trying to stay calm. When the doctor finally confirmed the news—they were eight weeks along—it felt both real and surreal at the same time. They were both relieved and overwhelmed, knowing it was still too early to tell anyone, too early for announcements, but their hearts were already full of the possibility.
Back at their house, Dieter immediately started making little changes, moving things around and insisting on turning one of the guest rooms into a nursery. “This room gets the best light,” he said, gesturing animatedly as they stood in the empty space, still filled with random furniture and boxes they hadn’t sorted through. “We can do a crib over here, maybe a rocking chair by the window… Oh, and I saw this thing on Pinterest—don’t laugh—about these little wall decals, like stars and moons. We could do a whole sky theme.”
She watched him, leaning against the doorframe, a soft smile tugging at her lips. “I didn’t even know you had a Pinterest account.”
Dieter turned, shrugging sheepishly. “What? I like my aesthetics.”
She laughed, her heart swelling at the sight of him so invested. It was like watching a kid with a new project, and she couldn’t help but feel a little lighter. “You’re really into this, huh?”
He looked at her, eyes sparkling with an excitement that was infectious. “Yeah, I am. What’s so funny?”
She shook her head, still smiling. “Nothing, it’s just… I never thought I’d see the day when Dieter Bravo is this excited about becoming a dad.”
Dieter’s expression softened, and he crossed the room, wrapping his arms around her. “Well, get used to it, baby. I’m all in.”
As the days passed, they began to settle into this new phase of their life together, their once spontaneous and free-spirited existence slowly evolving without them even realizing it. They had always been people of the moment, living day to day with little thought of what came next. Before, their conversations rarely drifted beyond the present—they were about last-minute weekend trips, late-night takeout, or whatever wild idea Dieter would come up with next. The future was never really on the table, not in a serious way. They thrived on spontaneity, on the freedom of not being tied down by plans or expectations.
But now, there was a subtle but undeniable shift in the air between them. It wasn’t something they talked about directly, but rather something that quietly settled in, like a warm, comforting blanket. Their conversations began to naturally drift into what was coming, not just what was happening now. They found themselves talking about baby names over breakfast, Dieter suggesting offbeat, quirky names that made her laugh while she countered with more classic choices that she’d always dreamed of, being the writer that she is and her love for literature.
Dieter would randomly pull out his phone to show her baby gear he’d found online, everything from the practical to the absurdly adorable. “Look at this stroller, baby. It’s got all-terrain wheels! Imagine us taking the kid hiking. Okay, maybe not hiking, but, you know… walking down a slightly uneven sidewalk.”
She’d laugh, watching him with a kind of fondness that was new, soft, and overwhelming. She’d catch him in the nursery sometimes, hunched over with a tape measure, making notes and sketches of where things should go. He was planning—actually planning—and it warmed her in a way she couldn’t quite describe.
One afternoon, she found him kneeling on the floor, surrounded by paint samples and wallpaper swatches, muttering to himself about whether to go with the pale blue or the pastel purple. “I don’t know, do you think clouds are too cliché? What if we did something more abstract? Like a sky, but, like, artsy. You know, like, dreamland stuff.”
She leaned against the doorframe, a smile playing at her lips. “Dieter Bravo, debating interior design for a nursery. Who would’ve thought?”
He looked up, his grin boyish and bright. “I know, right? Next, I’ll be on HGTV. ‘Bravo’s Baby Rooms.’ It’ll be a hit.”
She rolled her eyes, but her heart swelled with something deeper. They were still them, still the same pair who’d decided to get married on a whim in Vegas, who’d spent years living in the moment and rarely looking ahead. But now, the future wasn’t something scary or overwhelming. It was something they were building together, brick by brick, conversation by conversation.
Sometimes, in the quiet moments, she would find herself lying awake at night, her hand resting on the small swell of her belly, feeling the gentle flutters of life within her. Dieter would be next to her, snoring softly, and she’d just listen, soaking in the warmth of their home. She realized then how much had changed between them—how they’d gone from two people floating through life, clinging to the present, to a couple that was starting to dream together. 
It wasn’t just about the baby, though that was the catalyst. It was the way their whole world had shifted, gently guiding them toward a future that felt bright and full of possibility.
Their once spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants relationship was evolving into something richer, something that made space for plans and hopes. She’d catch Dieter browsing parenting books or obsessively researching the best baby monitors, and each time, she couldn’t help but feel a surge of love she hadn’t quite known before.
It wasn’t forced or awkward; it was the most natural thing in the world, like breathing. They were still the same Dieter and his wife, the quirky mystery novel writer—impulsive, playful, unorthodox in every way—but now, their lives together carried an undercurrent of something… warmer, softer, and a little more planned than usual. 
One evening, she was curled up on the couch, cozy under a thick, soft blanket, her Kindle in one hand and the other resting gently on the small but noticeable bump of her belly. She’d grown accustomed to the comforting weight of her growing child. Dieter strolled in from the kitchen, carrying a bowl of popcorn, and dropped onto the couch beside her with a contented sigh.
“You look way too comfortable,” she teased, nudging him playfully with her foot, a smile tugging at her lips as she watched him sink into the cushions like he belonged there.
“I am,” Dieter said, settling in beside her and resting his head against her shoulder. He let out a contented sigh, his eyes drifting down to her bump, and his hand found hers, resting warmly over the swell of her belly. “I love this. I love everything about this.”
She chuckled, her fingers absentmindedly tracing soft circles on her belly, feeling the little flutters of movement beneath her skin. “You always loved kids, Dee. I know that. I just… I never thought I’d live to see the day when you’d actually be a dad.”
Dieter’s smile softened, and tears welled in his eyes as he scooted closer, wrapping his arms around her and pressing his face into her chest. She could feel the quiet, vulnerable sobs shaking his shoulders, and it melted her heart. “You’re making my deepest, darkest dreams come true, baby,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by her warmth, words spilling out with raw sincerity.
She laughed, tilting her head back as she ruffled his hair affectionately. “I thought your deepest, darkest dreams that I made come true involved a strap-on, Bravo.”
Dieter snorted, lifting his head just enough to flash her a cheeky grin. Without missing a beat, he buried his face into her chest, playfully motorboating her. She squealed, swatting at his head as they both dissolved into laughter, tangled together on the couch.
“God, you’re such a perv,” she giggled, half-heartedly pushing him away even though she was laughing too hard to mean it.
He finally pulled back, grinning unapologetically as he reached up and cupped one of her breasts, squeezing playfully. “Honk honk,” he said, eyes twinkling with mischief.
She rolled her eyes, shaking her head but unable to keep a straight face. “Dieter, you’re ridiculous.”
“I know,” he said, still chuckling as he leaned in to kiss her softly. 
“I love you, mama.” He whispered against her mouth. 
As days turned into weeks, they found themselves back at the doctor’s office for the 20-week scan. The drive there was tense, filled with nervous silence and half-hearted attempts at small talk that did little to mask their growing anxiety. Dieter’s usually easygoing demeanor was replaced with restless energy, and she could feel it radiating off him as they sat in the waiting room, both of them on edge.
She sat nervously beside him, her leg bouncing up and down as she stared at the outdated magazines scattered on the table in front of them. Dieter glanced over, noticing the jittery movement. He nudged her lightly with his elbow, offering a crooked smile. “Babe, you’re bouncing your leg like you’re tweaking. Seriously, I’ve been around a lot of meth heads, and you’re giving me flashbacks.”
She snorted, covering her mouth as a burst of laughter escaped, her nerves momentarily easing. “I can’t help it, okay? This is… I’m freaking out.”
Dieter reached over, his fingers lacing through hers as he squeezed gently. “I get it, but you gotta chill. You’re acting like you’re on something, and trust me, I know that vibe.” He gave her hand another reassuring squeeze. “You’ve gotta stop reading all those Reddit posts. They’re nothing but horror stories.”
She nodded, though she still looked pale, her eyes flicking around the room as if searching for something to distract herself. “I know, I just… I can’t help it. I’ve read too many stories about 20-week scans going wrong. What if something’s wrong, Dieter? I don’t think I can handle it.”
Dieter leaned in closer, brushing a kiss against her temple. “Hey, nothing’s wrong. Our kid’s strong. Just like you. Baby’s gonna be fine, okay? Let’s just breathe.”
They were finally called into the scan room, and the doctor greeted them with a warm smile, chatting casually as she prepared the machine. “How are we feeling today? Ready to see this little one?” she asked, her voice calm and reassuring as she applied the cool gel to her belly. Dieter stood by her side, holding her hand tightly, both of them staring at the monitor with bated breath.
The doctor moved the wand over her stomach, her brows knitting slightly as she searched the screen, waiting for a heartbeat. At first, there was nothing—just static silence, the absence of that familiar, rhythmic thump that they both so desperately wanted to hear. The doctor adjusted the wand, repositioning and angling it slightly, her expression remaining neutral but focused.
Dieter could feel his wife’s grip tighten, her fingers digging into his, and he squeezed back, his own heart pounding. “Is everything okay?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, laced with fear.
The doctor glanced at them, her smile reassuring but a little strained. “Sometimes the baby’s in a tricky position so it’s hard to get the heartbeat. Let’s just give it a moment.” She moved the wand again, her eyes flicking between the screen and her belly as she pressed a bit harder, trying to get a better view.
But the silence lingered, and the tension in the room grew thicker. Dieter could feel his pulse racing, his mind going a mile a minute. He tried to keep calm, tried to joke, but his voice came out strained. 
“Kid’s already messing with us, huh? Definitely takes after me.”
It falls flat, and he frowns deeper. 
The doctor’s brows furrowed as she moved the wand slowly, deliberately, the silence stretching on until it was almost unbearable. “Come on, little one,” she murmured under her breath, adjusting the machine again.
She glanced at Dieter and his wife, reading the fear on their faces. “I know it’s nerve-wracking, but try not to panic. This happens sometimes.” The words were meant to soothe, but each passing second felt like an eternity, and Dieter felt like the walls were closing in.
Suddenly, the doctor paused, her eyes widening slightly. “Oh—hold on. I think I forgot to turn on the sound.” She reached over and pressed a button on the machine, and instantly, the room filled with the steady, reassuring thump of their baby’s heartbeat, clear and strong.
Dieter and his wife both let out a collective sigh of relief, laughing shakily as the tension broke. “Oh my god,” she breathed, her head falling back against the table as she squeezed Dieter’s hand. “You just shaved ten years off my life.”
The doctor chuckled, her face apologetic. “I’m so sorry about that. It happens more often than you’d think.” She moved the wand slightly, showing them their baby on the screen. “There we go. Heartbeat is strong, and baby looks perfect.”
Dieter let out a shaky laugh, wiping at his eyes as he glanced at his wife. “Kid’s already got us on edge. I guess that’s just payback for all the years I’ve been a handful.”
They all shared a brief, much-needed laugh, the tension slowly melting away. But the doctor’s expression turned a bit more serious as she continued to move the wand, examining the screen with careful precision. She began marking key areas on the screen, capturing images and making notes as she went. “Now, remember, this is your 20-week scan,” she said, her tone gentle but factual. “This is an important one because it’s when we check for congenital anomalies. We’ll be looking closely at your baby’s organs and development to make sure everything is on track.”
Dieter and his wife nodded, their earlier relief tempered by the weight of what the doctor was saying. This wasn’t just about hearing the heartbeat; it was about seeing if their baby was healthy, if everything was developing the way it should. The room fell quiet again, the soft whir of the machine the only sound as the doctor carefully scanned each part of their baby’s tiny body, capturing and saving images to review.
“We’re looking at the brain and skull,” the doctor explained, pointing to the image on the screen as she took a snapshot. “The structures look well-formed, and everything is measuring normally.” She moved the wand again, pausing over the baby’s chest and marking the image. “And here’s the heart. We’re checking for proper function, looking at the chambers and blood flow. So far, everything looks great.”
Dieter squeezed his wife’s hand, the feeling of both awe and anxiety filling the cavity of his chest. Every tiny movement on the screen felt monumental, every word from the doctor a lifeline. The doctor continued, showing them the spine, the kidneys, the limbs—every detail scrutinized with care and captured for documentation.
“And here’s the stomach and the diaphragm. We’re looking for normal positioning and function,” she said, moving methodically, her voice steady and calm. “All good signs here.” She took another image, marking it on the screen with a series of measurements.
Dieter’s wife squeezed his hand, her eyes locked on the screen, watching their baby’s tiny fingers flex and curl. “Is that… is that the baby’s hand?” she asked, her voice soft, filled with wonder.
“Yes, it is,” the doctor smiled, zooming in on the tiny hand and capturing the image. “Five fingers, all accounted for.”
They watched in silence, their emotions swinging from relief to fear and back again with every scan of the baby’s developing organs. The doctor’s voice was steady, reassuring them as she checked for any signs of congenital anomalies. Each confirmation that everything was normal felt like a small victory, a breath they didn’t realize they were holding.
“Everything looks normal and healthy,” the doctor finally said, pulling back and saving the last image. “Your baby is developing beautifully.”
Dieter and his wife both let out breaths they hadn’t realized they were holding, their hands still clasped tightly together. It wasn’t just relief—it was gratitude, to the doctor and the universe, for keeping their little bun healthy. 
They thanked the doctor, their voices filled with a concoction of relief, exhaustion, and overwhelming joy. As they left the office, they felt lighter, buoyed by the knowledge that their baby was safe and thriving. There’s only one thing for them to do now: start telling their family and friends. 
“You okay?” Dieter asked, his voice gentle as they pulled into his parents’ driveway. The house looked warm and welcoming, draped in fairy lights that twinkled against the evening sky, but she couldn’t quite shake the tightness in her chest.
She nodded, but it was automatic, her mind racing with thoughts she hadn’t fully processed, and her tears just started spilling like clockwork. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just… it’s a lot, you know? Your parents are going to be so happy, and I—I don’t have that anymore. I don’t have anyone to tell.” She tried to laugh it off, her voice catching slightly, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “God, listen to me. I’m such a mess. It’s probably just hormones.”
Dieter squeezed her hand, his expression softening. He knew how much she missed her dad, how his absence lingered in moments like these. “It’s not just hormones, baby,” he said gently, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “You’re allowed to feel this. I wish your dad was here, too. I think about it all the time—how proud he’d be, how he’d probably be spoiling you right now.”
She let out a shaky breath, “It’s stupid, but it just hit me today, you know? Like, he was the only family I had, and now… I guess I thought I was past all this. But it’s different now. This is so big, and I feel like I’m missing that piece.”
Dieter pulled her hand up, kissing her knuckles softly. “It’s not stupid. And you’re not without parents completely. My parents love you—hell, they might love you more than they love me. They text you more than they text me, anyway.”
She let out a laugh, and it felt good, a brief moment of lightness breaking through the weight in her chest. “They do, don’t they? They’re always sending me recipes, cute cat and dog vides, and asking for book recommendations. Meanwhile, you get the ‘how’s your liver?’ texts.”
Dieter grinned, happy to see her smile even through tears. “Exactly. Trust me, they’re going to be over the moon about this. You’re their family, too. And yeah, it’s big—it’s bigger than anything we’ve done—but you don’t have to carry that alone. My parents, they’re gonna be here, every annoying, loving step of the way.”
She squeezed his hand, feeling a little more grounded. “Thanks, babe. I needed that.”
Dieter nodded, his own emotions bubbling under the surface. He knew how hard this was for her, and he wanted to make sure she never felt like she was alone in this. “Hey, we’re in this together. And we’re about to make their year, so let’s go in there and give them something to celebrate.”
They stepped out of the car, hand in hand, and walked up to the front door. She adjusted her coat, feeling the weight of the moment settle in her chest, but Dieter squeezed her hand reassuringly. They’d been parked for a while, gathering themselves, and now it was time. Dieter knocked, and within seconds, the door swung open.
Dieter’s mother stood there, her expression a mix of concern and relief. “Oh, there you are! We were starting to get worried—you’ve been sitting out there for ages. I thought maybe something was wrong.”
“Everything’s fine,” Dieter assured her, giving her a quick hug. “We were just… talking.”
His mom nodded, though she kept glancing between them, still a little uncertain. “It’s so good to see you two! Come in, come in.”
Dieter’s father was in the living room, setting out coffee and cookies on the table. He looked up, grinning in his usual dry way. “Hey, you two. What’s this? I thought you’d be busy writing another bestseller or maybe dragging Dieter around to get some culture.”
Dieter laughed, shaking his head. “Well, it’s not that, but it’s something just as good.”
His wife exchanged a quick look with him, her nerves sparking up again. Dieter, sensing her hesitation, gave her an encouraging smile and gently reached up to help her with her coat. As he slipped it off her shoulders, he draped it neatly over the back of the couch, revealing the gentle curve of her growing bump.
His parents’ eyes widened, and for a second, they both just stared, taking it in. Dieter’s mom’s hand flew to her mouth, her eyes brimming with tears. “Oh my gosh… are you…?”
Dieter’s wife nodded, her voice trembling with a mix of nerves and joy. “We’re having a baby. I’m pregnant.”
For a moment, there was only stunned silence, and then his mom let out a joyous cry, rushing forward to hug her. “Oh, sweetheart! This is the most wonderful news! Look at you—how far along are you? I can’t believe it!”
Dieter’s dad, who usually kept his emotions under wraps, pulled Dieter into a hug, his voice thick with pride. “Son, this is incredible. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you. I’m not sure if you remember this, but there was a time when I wasn’t sure you’d ever get your life together, let alone settle down.”
Dieter blinked, caught off guard by his dad’s words. “Thanks, Dad. That means a lot.” He hesitated, swallowing hard before speaking again. “I know I’ve been a mess, but… I’m really excited about this. I want to do it right.”
His father clapped him on the shoulder, his expression warm. “You’ve already done right by me. You’ve grown up, Dieter, more than I ever thought possible. And now you’re going to be a dad. I couldn’t be prouder.”
They all settled into the living room, Dieter’s mom already buzzing with plans. “Okay, so tell me everything! When’s the due date? How are you feeling? Have you thought about names yet? We have to start planning—oh, and the nursery! We’ll need to paint, get a crib—”
Dieter held up his hands, laughing. “Mom, slow down. You’re going to choke yourself on your own saliva with how fast you’re going. One thing at a time.”
She laughed, waving him off but nodding. “Okay, okay. But this is just… it’s all so exciting. I’ve been waiting for this day for so long, and now it’s finally happening.”
Dieter’s wife smiled, feeling the warmth of Dieter’s mom’s excitement wash over her. “Thank you. Really, I’m so glad we get to share this with you. It’s been a lot to take in, but having you both here means the world.”
Dieter’s mom squeezed her hand, her eyes filled with emotion. “You’re not without parents completely, you know that, right? You’ve got us now. We’re going to be right here with you, every crazy, wonderful moment.”
She nodded, fighting back tears. “I’m so grateful for that. You have no idea.”
Dieter’s dad leaned in, his voice quieter but no less heartfelt. “And I mean it, Dieter. I see the way you are with her, how much you’ve grown. You’ve got this, both of you. And I know you’re going to be amazing parents.”
As they continued to talk, laugh, and make plans, one thing stood out among them– they knew there was so much ahead—so many unknowns, so many firsts—but for now, it was enough to just be together and celebrate this beautiful news.
After spending a few hours basking in the joy and warmth of Dieter’s parents, they knew the next step was sharing the news with the rest of the world. It felt like another hurdle, one they were both eager and anxious to jump. They drove back home, feeling the weight of their secret beginning to lift. 
Once they were settled on their couch, they knew it was time to tell Dieter’s manager. Dieter pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts, glancing over at his wife. “Ready?”
She nodded, though a nervous flutter still twisted in her stomach. “Yeah. Let’s do it.”
Dieter hit the call button, putting it on speaker. His manager picked up on the second ring, his voice chipper and businesslike. “Dieter, my man! What’s up? You ready to talk about the next big project? We’ve got offers coming in like crazy.”
Dieter laughed, exchanging a look with his wife. “Hey, uh, about that… we’ve got something to tell you. It’s kind of a big deal.”
There was a brief pause on the other end, and then his manager’s voice dropped, curious and cautious. “Oh God, are you in trouble again? Do I need to get a lawyer on the line?”
“No, no, nothing like that,” Dieter said quickly, his grin wide. “Actually, it’s the opposite of trouble.”
His wife jumped in, smiling as she spoke. “We’re having a baby.”
The line went quiet for a beat, and then his manager erupted in a cheer. “What? Oh my God! Are you serious? This is amazing! Bravo’s having a baby! You two, this is incredible.”
They laughed, feeling the enthusiasm radiating through the phone. “Yeah, we’re serious,” Dieter said. “We’re excited, and we wanted to let you know before it goes public.”
His manager was still buzzing, the excitement palpable. “You’re going to break the internet with this. But listen, you’ve got to be prepared. This is going to be huge news—your fans, the media, everyone’s going to go nuts. Some good, some bad, you know how it is. But honestly, this is the best news I’ve heard all year.”
They chatted for a few more minutes, exchanging congratulations and discussing the logistics of managing the media frenzy that would inevitably follow. Once they hung up, Dieter turned to her, his eyes bright. “You ready to tell the world?”
She nodded, and together, they crafted a simple but heartfelt post for social media. They chose a candid photo taken that morning, with Dieter’s hand resting protectively over her small bump, both of them smiling with unfiltered joy. The caption read: Our greatest adventure yet. Baby Bravo coming soon.
They hit ‘share,’ and within moments, the post began to explode. Likes, comments, and shares flooded in at a speed that was almost overwhelming. Messages of congratulations poured in from friends, fans, and fellow celebrities. The overwhelming support was heartwarming, and they found themselves caught up in the happiness of it all.
But as the notifications kept coming, there were, of course, some that stung. Dieter scrolled through, his brow furrowing at the inevitable wave of negativity from the corners of his fanbase that couldn’t handle change.
“She’s probably just using him for fame. Classic.”
“Guess Dieter’s fun days are officially over.”
“He doesn’t deserve this. What about all the times he said he didn’t want kids?”
Dieter sighed, shaking his head as he turned off the screen. “I knew there’d be some backlash, but damn. People can be ruthless.”
She took a deep breath, trying to keep her own emotions in check. “I mean, I expected some of it, but it still hurts. I just thought… I don’t know, that people would be happy for us.”
Dieter pulled her into his side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Hey, don’t let them get to you. They don’t know us. They don’t know what we’ve been through to get here. This is our moment, not theirs.”
She nodded, leaning into his comfort. “I know, it’s just… I guess I didn’t expect people to be so… mean. I thought this would be different.”
Dieter kissed her temple, his touch gentle. “Some people will never be happy, babe. But look at all the love we’ve got here.” He pulled up the comments from their closest friends, the ones who knew them beyond the headlines. Messages of support, love, and shared joy filled the screen, reminding them of the people who truly mattered.
“Look at this one,” Dieter said, reading aloud. “‘I always knew you’d be the best parents. Baby Bravo is lucky to have you both.’” He smiled, scrolling down. “And this one—‘I’m so proud of you guys. Can’t wait to meet the little one.’”
She smiled, letting the warmth of those messages push away the sting of the negativity. “I guess we have to focus on that, huh?”
“Exactly,” Dieter said, squeezing her close. “This is our family. Our life. And no one gets to take that away from us.”
They spent the rest of the evening curled up together, ignoring the noise of the outside world and focusing on the love that poured in from those who truly understood. Their phones continued to buzz, and the news spread quickly, but for now, it was just the two of them, dreaming about their future with the baby they were already so deeply in love with.
A few weeks had passed since their announcement, and life had begun to settle into a new kind of normal. 
They were still receiving messages of congratulations, along with the occasional snarky comment, but the love outweighed the negativity by miles. 
Dieter and his wife had embraced this next phase with open hearts, pouring over baby books, setting up the nursery, and spending quiet moments together, dreaming about the future.
One night, as they sat in the nursery—still half-finished, with paint samples and swatches scattered everywhere—Dieter was busy assembling a crib, grumbling softly as he fumbled with the instructions. His wife sat cross-legged on the floor, watching him with a soft smile, one hand resting on her belly.
“Are you sure you don’t want to wait for your dad to help with that?” she teased, noting his intense focus and the stray bolts lying around.
Dieter looked up, smirking. “Nah, I’ve got it. Besides, I’ve got to prove I can put something together that’s not going to collapse on us. I mean, it’s literally a crib. If I can do this, I can do anything.”
She laughed, watching as he finally managed to fit the pieces together, looking far too proud of himself. He stood back, admiring his handiwork before turning to her, his smile broad and genuine. “See? Told you I’d figure it out.”
She patted the spot beside her on the floor, and he sat down, pulling her into his side. They sat there quietly for a moment, both gazing at the crib—the first tangible piece of their new life together.
“Can you believe this is happening?” she murmured, her voice soft with wonder. “Sometimes it still feels like a dream.”
Dieter nodded, his hand drifting to rest over her bump. “Yeah, I know. I’ve been in a lot of weird dreams, but this… this is the best one. And it’s real.”
She leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling the steady thump of his heartbeat against her cheek. “We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?”
He turned to kiss her forehead, his lips lingering for a moment. “We already are, baby. And it’s only going to get better.”
They stayed like that for a while, wrapped up in the promise of what was to come—messy, beautiful, and entirely theirs.
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mysticbewitched · 7 months
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Hey mystic
I was gonna link an ask from earlier but i cant seem to put links in here for some reason and google is not helping. Its the one about the non-dualism community and how toxic it can be. I just wanted to say I am glad others agree. I wouldn't consider myself a beginner to loa manifesting or shifting. I just think its crazy how someone says things like "just be" and someone asks them to clarify it and they respond by saying something like "do you need help drinking water."
Trends come and go, I'm sure once ND is no longer new someone else will unearth some old spiritual practice and claim its above LOA as well. I just wish everyone would be accepting and encouraging instead of what seems to be condescending because they think they know something no one else does.
Lastly I heard you say on the podcast the person you were gonna do it with is no longer in your life, sorry to hear that. I only bring this up because I believe I saw a post saying you manifested this person into your life and then they changed (I could be wrong though). I also manifested someone back (an ex) but it was a 'manifestation' and all i ended up creating was misery.
You don't have to answer this if the last part is too personal, but if you want send me a message. Just wanted to say I think you have some great views that resonated.
Great podcast btw
I completely agree with you and I'm glad that others are able to see the madness that I'm seeing.
What they usually mean by telling you all, "just be" is they're telling you to realize your true self as awareness. They're telling you to just recognize your divine nature in the present moment and enjoy knowing yourself.
I don't see why they don't just tell you to turn within and recognize your true self as awareness in this present moment without all the riddles.
I agree that everyone here should turn within themselves and listen to their inner guidance instead of relying on the "others" for advice, because then the constant search and craving for more answers will never end. However, at the same time, it's the polite and helpful thing to do to let your readers know exactly what they're looking for while you advise for them to look within themselves for the truth: realizing divine the source of your true self.
If everyone knew what they were looking for, I think they would have an easier time turning within and trusting their inner voice to lead them to answers.
I feel as if the lack of clarification on exactly what to look for is unnecessary and it can come off as mind games instead of just being direct with the readers and telling them all, "you're turning within to realize your true nature. Hint: you are always *aware.*"
I happen to notice from time to time as well that some of these bloggers feel the need to use the whole "words are meaningless" nonsense as a moronic excuse to bully or put down other blogs amongst themselves or with their anons for simply viewing things in a different perspective and I don't think that's cool for anyone to do.
That behavior isn't right. It's just plain mean.
Everyone is entitled to their own perspective and share their own views, but to publicly put down specific blog names for everyone to hear and make fun of them together? Very condescending and cold.
Oh, believe me, I'm waiting for the next spiritual trend to come out of nowhere. I wonder what it's going to be next. Now my curiosity is in flames.
To end things here, I want to thank you so much for your kinds words and the lovely compliment.
Your feedback and appreciation for the podcast means so much to me. I'm so very glad to hear that my perspective of things resonated with you.
Thank you for enjoying my podcast.
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the-blind-assassin-12 · 9 months
Text
Change of Plans
A/N: Although I am SEVERAL days late at this point, this is a gift for @something-tofightfor - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RACHAEL! I hope your day was all that you wanted it to be, and that this year is the best fucking one yet. I so badly wanted this to be done in time, but you know me. Anywho, I love your guts and I hope you enjoy this chaotic little cake I whipped up with the help of one of your favorite cowboys.
Word count: 4k
Warnings: listen, don't do what Reader does here. Other than that... just some language. It's very tame. But don't do it.
Summary: Jack is there on business. You're there for pleasure.
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He noticed you right away. 
Sitting in the waiting area near gate A-7, right leg crossed over your left and an open book in one hand, you caught his eye -
Well hello, gorgeous.
- and he had to repeatedly free his focus from your direction, reminding himself why he was at the airport in the first place. 
Damn it, Agent, you’ve got a job to do.
You turned the page of the book you were reading, letting out a sigh and stretching your neck, and Jack adjusted his position on the barstool he occupied so that he was forced to change his line of sight. He cleared his throat, lifting his glass to his lips and taking a sip. The bold, smoky flavor of the deep amber whiskey coated his tongue, and by the time he swallowed he was back on his task. 
He’d been sent to locate and detain a known associate of a crime boss that Statesman was attempting to bring down. Intel gathered from Agents assigned to the case suggested that the associate - a mid level player who occasionally dealt in black market weapons - would be traveling through Louisville on his way to meet with the mysterious and nefarious man they knew only as The Gatekeeper. The current theory was that The Gatekeeper was operating out of San Francisco - or more specifically, out of a secret underwater lair that was built into one of the foundational structures of the Golden Gate Bridge, hence his nickname. But Statesman had been unable to confirm that yet. Catching up with the Gatekeeper’s gun runner was their best bet when it came to pinning down his location for sure, and since he had the most experience with facial recognition and planting trackers, the assignment had gone to Agent Whiskey. 
So let’s find this shit kicker and get on with it so I can get on with… He resisted the urge to turn back in your direction. 
Setting his glass down on the cork coaster it was served to him on, he brought his newly emptied hand up to tap the arm of his gold wire glasses. At the touch of his fingertip, the stealth lens screens activated, and he used them to scan the faces of the people moving through the terminal. So far none had hit as a match for the Gatekeeper’s associate, but since the man was clever enough to book himself tickets on multiple flights that day to make it harder for anyone who might be looking to follow him, Jack had to keep checking until he either found his target or the last of those flights had taken off. 
I’ll find him. Soon as he shows up I’ll- 
But Jack didn’t even need to finish the thought, because his lenses detected the person he’d been waiting for before he could. Just as he was about to get up from his seat and position himself to intercept his target, though, he saw something else flash across his lenses. 
Mission directive has changed. Do not detain. Intel from Kingsman suggests associate may also be working with Golden Circle remnants in Canada. New directive is only to place the tracker and not to pursue until we know for sure who he is meeting. Agents in Vancouver and San Francisco have been put on alert and will be activated as needed. 
Jack blinked twice to acknowledge Ginger’s message, then used the movement of his eyes to send a question in response. 
Received. Return to HQ? 
He had his jet on standby there at the airport in the event that he needed to abscond with The Gatekeeper’s man, and he assumed that since that was no longer necessary, Champ and Ginger would want him to come back and await further information. Keeping one eye on his target, he used the other to read the new message that flashed across his lens, finding it to be a surprise. 
Negative. Don’t want to risk the chance of counter tracking. Take the Pony somewhere for a few days first. Vegas or Denver are preferable but Mexico City is also available. 
Well, shoot. Looks like I’m takin’ a vacation. My favorite kind of mission. 
Ginger had listed cities where Statesman owned properties that were reserved for off duty use - for when Agents had to lay low for a while, or for when they needed a safe place to recover from injuries sustained in the line of duty. There were several more located around the world, but judging by the selection that was presented to him, they wanted him to stay close enough to either have him back in Kentucky in a matter of hours, or send him to California or British Columbia in a pinch when the intel on who the associate was meeting with came back. 
Received. Target inbound. Contact when directive complete. 
With that, he lifted his finger up to tap the arm of his glasses once more, the screens deactivating so that he could remove them, folding them for safe storage in the inner pocket of his jacket. In a turn of luck, his mark headed straight for the bar he was seated at and sat down two stools over. He showed no signs of having made Jack for a secret operative, not even bothering to look in his direction as he ordered a drink from the bartender. 
Perfect. 
Jack’s grin was imperceptible as he used his thumb and pointer finger to pull one of the small “buttons” from the cuff of his jacket sleeve. Flattening it with a tight pinch, he dropped the bio-tracker into his own beverage and watched as it dissolved into the liquid. It finished just as the bartender placed a rocks glass of whiskey on a coaster in front of Jack’s target. He waited for the other man to take a sip, and then he closed the distance, scooting over one stool so that he was right next to him, and then he greeted the man with a jovial tone. 
“Did my ears deceive me just now, or did I hear you order the Statesman 12 year, my friend?” Jack pointed to the other man’s glass while holding his own. 
The other man turned to face Jack, a semi-scowl on his face, his annoyance over being addressed by a seemingly drunken stranger as a “friend” clearly written in gray-green eyes. “What?” He glanced down at Jack’s glass and then at his own. “Oh.” He grunted and gave Jack a nod before taking another sip of his drink. “Yeah. You drinking the same, I take it?” He arched one eyebrow and turned back to face the television screen behind the bar without waiting for the answer to the question he’d just asked. 
“Smoothest bourbon there is.” Jack held up his glass, inspecting the contents. To anyone else’s eye - even the man beside him - it would appear as though he were simply appreciating the way the overhead lights streaked through the rich amber liquid. In truth, he was making sure that the button-turned-tracker had been completely infused into the drink. Seeing that it was, he glanced over and caught his mark with his own glass midway to his lips once more.
Slow down there, son, leave some for our toast. 
Reaching for the man’s elbow, he stopped him from draining the last of his beverage. “How about we both raise our glasses to good taste and safe travels?” 
The other man jerked his arm away as though he’d been burned, the motion accompanied by a deeply frustrated sigh. Checking his watch, he rolled his eyes and shook his head at Jack. “Sure Fine. Just make it quick, I have a flight to catch.” 
As he presented his glass for the toast, Jack aggressively clinked the rim of his against it - with just enough force so that some of his drink had sloshed into the other man’s glass without him noticing. “Quick it is. Safe travels.” 
“Uh huh.” The sketch of a scowl was back as the man nodded again, knocking back the remainder of his drink, including the tracker. “Same to you.” With that, he slapped a fifty on the bar and left his empty glass, on his way to whatever gate would take him to whatever scumbag was waiting for him. 
The Gatekeeper or the Golden Circle… or whoever the fuck else. We’ll know soon enough. 
Taking his glasses back out of his pocket, Jack unfolded them and put them back on his face. With a tap of his finger the one-way screens hidden in the lenses activated again, and through a series of blinks and subtle eye movements, he sent confirmation of his mission back to Ginger Ale. 
Tracker planted. Target in motion. 
Before he got a response, though, he was distracted by a voice coming from over his shoulder. “Excuse me? Is anyone sitting there?” 
He turned towards the speaker and his eyes widened, lips lifting into a slight grin when he saw that it was you. 
Hot damn, she’s even prettier up close. 
His grin grew at your sudden, small intake of breath when your eyes met. “All yours.” Using one hand, he pulled the stool out for you as Ginger’s message started to scroll across his field of vision. 
You muttered a thank you as you chewed your lower lip. “You didn’t have to-” 
Well done Agent Whiskey. The tracker is live and we are following its movement. Which location did you select? 
“Now darlin’, what kind of gentleman would I be if I only did what I had to do?” He smiled, covertly answering Ginger’s question. 
Not sure yet. Stay tuned. 
You let out a sound that was almost a laugh, shrugging. “You’d be like most gentlemen I’ve known, I guess.” 
Agent, we need to know- 
Jack brought his hand up and tapped the side of his glasses, closing the communication screen and letting Ginger’s message go unfinished. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it and it wouldn’t be the last. He always eventually got back to her and never made her wait too long. But his focus had been drawn to you all afternoon, and now that you were sitting directly beside him, he wasn’t going to rush the interaction he’d been putting off for hours. 
“Then allow me to introduce to you a different kind.” He reached up and swept his hat from his head, laying it on the bartop, and extended his free hand to you.  “Jack Daniels.” 
–  –  – 
15 Minutes Earlier…
You checked your watch with a sigh, noting that you still had a little under an hour before you’d be called for boarding. 
It’s fine. That means I can start another chapter now. You rolled your eyes. I’ll need a new book for the flight home at this rate, though. 
It was one of those flights that didn’t make sense - with a 4 hour layover in a city that was completely out of the way of your destination. But that was why you’d been able to find tickets for only $48 each way, less than three days out. Things at work had been hectic, and you weren’t sure if you were going to be able to get the time off until the very last minute. So even though it certainly wouldn’t have been your first choice if you’d been able to book it months ago when the trip was first brought up, you were perfectly content to take the unnecessary stopover in Louisville on your way to Las Vegas. 
Doesn’t hurt when the people watching prospects are this interesting, either. 
You glanced over at the nearby bar and the astoundingly attractive man seated there who’d snagged your attention as soon as he arrived. He, like a handful of others in the terminal, wore a dark felted Stetson But unlike most, it suited him. As did his perfectly tailored suit and- 
Oh, fuck, he’s wearing glasses now. And they look damn good on him, too. 
You cleared your throat and forced your thoughts back to your trip and your reason for taking the less than desirable layover. Even though it meant spending hours alone in an airport, you were excited, because it also meant being able to see several of your friends who lived far away, and being able to celebrate your birthday with them. Well, not just your birthday. The trip was meant to be a group celebration to make up for the fact that you hadn’t all been able to get together for a birthday in years. Since there happened to be two of you who had birthdays in January, that was the month that was chosen. But the dates that were settled on had included your actual birthday smack dab in the middle of them, and you were looking forward to having something fun to do with people you missed. 
Which was why you groaned as you read the notification that popped up on your phone regarding the flight status. 
Delayed - Mechanical Issues 
“Fuck.” You muttered under your breath, closing the airline app and tapping your phone screen to open the group chat so you could fill the others in on your situation. Before you finished typing though, your phone vibrated in your hand and a picture popped up of two of your friends - Jess and Maddy - both wearing ear to ear smiles at Harry Reid International, the text from Jess simply reading two words followed by several exclamation marks: We’re here!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Kayla chimed in next, responding with an emphatic YAY! and sending a screenshot of her GPS, showing that she was just under 2 hours out. Be there so soon! 
Nat still had her phone on airplane mode since she’d only taken off from LAX about an hour earlier, so you didn’t bother waiting for an update from her before you finished typing your own. 
Bad news, my flight out of Louisville is delayed. :( Mechanical issues… No idea when I’ll be there now, but I’ll keep you all posted. 
You sent the message and tucked your phone into the outer pocket of your bag as disappointment set in. As it was, the rest of your friends were already supposed to arrive half a day before you. But now, it was looking like you were going to miss out on the entire first day of the trip. 
Or more. 
Frowning at the thought, you tried not to let yourself get too upset until you had a better idea of your situation. You told yourself that it could be something quick and easy to remedy - maybe you’d only have to wait one more hour. Maybe less. Either way, you decided that since half of the group was already there, it meant that the vacation had unofficially started, and it was time you treated yourself to a drink. 
And if I know Jess and Maddy, they’re doing the same right now. 
You picked up your bag, slinging the strap over your shoulder, and headed towards the bar. It was moderately crowded, only a few stools left vacant scattered here and between other travelers. But as you got closer you noticed that the man you’d caught yourself spending more time watching than any of the others was still seated there - and that the seat beside him had just become empty. 
Perfect timing. 
That confidence lasted only until the man spun at the sound of your voice, and seeing him up close had nearly knocked the breath from your lungs. 
Oh, shit. He’s- 
By the time he’d given you his name along with his hand to shake, you’d noticed things about him that you hadn’t from across the room. Like the flecks of tan and gold that lightened his dark brown eyes, the distinct bow of his upper lip beneath his mustache and how it rested against the plush pillow of the lower one, the way you couldn’t see a stitch of leather on him aside from his boots, but the smell of it - along with bergamot - clung to him and made him even more appealing. 
You swallowed, his warm hand wrapping around yours and squeezing as you managed to tell him your name. “It’s nice to meet you, Jack.” 
Without letting go of your hand or releasing your eyes from the lock his own had on them, he repeated your name back to you, the sound of it making your face grow warm. “Pleasure’s all mine, I promise you.” 
When he winked as he withdrew his hand, you knew you were screwed. You ordered yourself a drink - something local, a bourbon you’d not seen before called Statesman - and Jack, though approving of your choice, simply asked for a glass of water. As you brought the glass to your lips, another thought popped into your head. 
But am I really screwed, though? Because… he seems just as interested as I am. 
Over the next half hour, you and Jack made small talk and subtly flirted in smirks and glances. You asked him what brought him to the airport that day, to which he’d answered: 
“Had some business here earlier. But that’s done, so the rest of my evening is completely free.” 
You shook your head at that, taking another sip of your drink. Damn that’s good. “Don’t you have a flight to catch?” 
At that, he grinned and spread his large hands wide. “Ah, well, that is one of the perks of being my own pilot.” He raised one eyebrow and leaned towards you. “I can leave whenever I choose.” 
Okay, I wasn’t expecting that. That definitely makes him even more attractive somehow, though. 
You mouthed the word wow and let out a stunted laugh as you reached into your bag to retrieve your phone. Some time had passed and you were hoping that there would be another notification about the status of your delayed flight. “That must be nice.” You groaned as you saw that there was nothing new from the airline, and several texts from your friends expressing their dismay over your travel woes. Shaking the phone in your hand, you sighed. “I’m here on a layover that got delayed and the rest of my friends are already in Vegas.” Looking over at him, you wet your lips with your tongue. “I’d love to be able to just… hop in and take off whenever I wanted to.”
–  –  –  
Well, shit. Did she just say Vegas? 
Clearing his throat, Jack reached up to tap the arm of his glasses. Several missed messages came through at once, all from Ginger, but he blinked them away as he spoke. “Well, I know we’ve only just met, and I’m not trying to make any suggestions-” Though I could. “- But I happen to be going to Sin City myself tonight.” He had to contain his grin at the flash in your eyes as he used the nickname for the gambling town. “I’d be more than happy to take you with me.” 
Destination selected. Las Vegas, Nevada, USA. 
You sucked in a breath at his proposition, and though he knew you were likely considering saying no, he hoped you’d say yes. “I… Jack, I couldn’t ask you to-” 
“You’re not. I’m askin’. I’ll show you my license and everything to prove that I’m legit, but darlin’, I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to.” He tilted his head towards the window. “No tellin’ how long they’ll need to fix that bird, and if your friends are already there…” He trailed off and shrugged, returning his gaze to you. “My jet is fully fueled and ready to go. I could get you there so you don’t have to miss out too much. More than you already have, I mean.” 
He could practically hear Ginger’s reply when it came through, but he fought the urge to let out a snort as he read it. 
IT’S ABOUT TIME, AGENT. Make sure your friend buckles up. We’ll contact you when you can return to HQ. 
You bit your lower lip again, and he couldn’t help but watch the way your teeth dug into your flesh. “I…” He saw the rest of your protest dissolve the same way the tracker had earlier, your eyes shifting from skeptical to excited until that’s all he saw in them. You laughed, then, lifting your hand and holding up one finger. “Alright. I’ll… yes. I’ll take you up on it. But on one condition.” 
Received. Will await contact. Over. 
Jack reached up to tap his glasses before removing them and stowing them in his pocket. He leaned in closer to you, concentrating on the quirk of your lips and the mixture of impulse and instinct in your eyes. “Let’s hear it.” 
“You let me buy you a drink once we get there.” You said it over the rim of your glass as you finished the last of it, eyes on him as you swallowed. 
An excuse to go out with a beautiful woman? That’s the condition? 
Jack flashed you a smile. “I think those terms are more than agreeable, ma’am.” 
–  –  –  
What the fuck am I doing? 
You half laughed at yourself, but at the same time there was something about Jack that made you feel like you could trust him. You were aware that that could be a danger in and of itself, but your gut told you he was a good man, and you had always felt that you were a good and accurate judge of character. 
How’s it any different from meeting a guy and getting in his car with him? It’s not, really. 
It was, and you knew it was, but you hadn’t been wrong yet. And as much as you wanted to get to Vegas to see your friends, you also found yourself wanting more time to get to know Jack. He was offering you the chance to do both of those things, and even though you were looking for one, you couldn’t find a downside. 
Pulling out your phone, you opened the group chat and sent one text before switching it to airplane mode. 
Change of plans. Met a (really good looking) pilot who was on his way to Vegas and offered me a ride. Sending a screenshot of his license number in case I go missing hahaha. Just kidding. I’ll be fine. See you soon!
You knew what they’d say when they saw your message. 
Jess would likely just send a thumbs up - or possibly a photo of herself giving a thumbs up. 
Maddy would emphasize your message and respond with something like Okay but don’t die! 
Kayla’s message would be a more whimsical reaction like Jesus take the wheel! (Wait do planes have wheels?) or Life is short, take rides from hot pilots when you can with the peace sign emoji. 
And Nat would send advice from several documentaries and podcasts she’d seen or listened to, about what to do if you were being abducted. 
You laughed to yourself again at the entire situation. 
“Alright, Jack.” You hopped down from your stool and picked up your bag. “I’m ready when you are.” 
He stood, taking his hat from the bartop and placing it on his head. “No time like the present.” Running his hands over his clothes, he smoothed out his suit jacket. “Follow me, darlin’. And give me that.” He pointed his chin towards your bag. “I’m a gentleman, remember? Where would my manners be if I let a lady carry her own bags?” 
You shook your head with a smile and handed over your carry-on, leaving you with only your purse. “I don’t know. You’re teaching me about gentlemen, remember?” 
You knew when you saw his eyes darken that you’d made the right call. 
“Oh, sugar. I remember. Few hours to Vegas. Plenty of time for me to teach you things.” With that he started walking and you were left to follow, slightly stunned at the implications in his tone and in his words. 
This is definitely going to be a trip to remember, that’s for sure. 
.
.
.
Thank you for reading! If you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist, please feel free to let me know by sending a message or filling out the form on my masterlist! :)
tags: @something-tofightfor @dihra-vesa @littlemisspascal @mishasminion360 @nyctophiliiiiaaa @practicalghost @tanzthompson @harriedandharassed @woodlandmouth @trickstersp8 @imtryingmybeskar @wildmoonflower @mswarriorbabe80 @theredwritingwitch @silverstarsandsuns @competentpotato @pedro-pedrito-pascalito @jedi-in-crocs @hannahkatharine @novemberrain221 @chiyo13 @myloveistoolittle @Noisynightmarepoetry
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stedefxckingbonnet · 9 months
Note
hello hello! i don’t think i’ve seen anything like this yet, so may i request izzy x gn!reader who’s a bit insecure?
maybe they struggle with body image or something and izzy is basically like “how are they so blind??” but he struggles to express it because he’s never had to be so soft for anyone?
of course, ignore it if you’re not comfortable with it! :)
Hi, everyone!!
So, it's been a while. And I mean, a while. Longer than I wanted to step away from writing, and I never really wanted to step away from it in the first place but some stuff happened and yada yada. But I'm truly, truly hoping to be back and writing again to some capacity, I have truly missed writing for Izzy and for you all and I feel as though the world needs Izzy Hands content now more than ever! I truly do hope to be back.
I hope you don't mind that I put my own spin onto this, anon! You provided the lovely central plot and idea, and I simply provided an atmosphere and story to go with. Body image/insecurity is something I struggle with too, no matter how many times people tell me that I am beautiful, and I tried to channel that in this one. I am also not trying to send the message that other people's validation is what can make a person feel better about themself! I am more so trying to convey that the one(s) we love can often show us things about ourselves that we didn't know were there or didn't see before, and that they help us to love and appreciate these things about ourselves, and ourselves in general. You all who are reading this are so, so wonderful and beautiful and extraordinary even if you have a hard time believing it, and maybe your comfort character can help you to believe it a bit more in this little fic♡
Anyhow, please, request! Don't hesitate! My messages are also always open for anyone who needs anything but also just to say hi or talk about anything really. Thank you all for your everlasting support, patience, and kindness especially through my sort of absence ♡ Also, please, if I have used your gif or you know who created it, please credit yourself or them! I am not always good at figuring that sort of stuff out, but I want to give credit where credit is due. Have a wonderful day (or night), everyone!
Love,
Lavinia
What I See | Izzy Hands x Reader
Warnings: mentions of alcohol, slight swearing, struggles with body image and insecurity, very direct izzy (in a good, affectionate way but may be inaccurate ish? but i believe it isn't)
Word Count: 2525
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"I just don't understand it!" the first mate angrily threw his hands up in the air. "I just don't understand why Bonnet is dragging us to one of those stupid...fancy people gatherings."
You couldn't help but laugh at such a sight, seeing Izzy Hands so distraught, though his usual cloud of anguish didn't seem to surround him. This was different, something you couldn't exactly place, but it was endearing nonetheless. "A ball, you mean?" your lips curled into a playful smile.
"I don't care what it's called," Izzy grumbled. "All I know is that I don't want to be there."
"It could be fun!" you suggested, your smile growing larger.
"Has Bonnet brainwashed you somehow?" Izzy rolled his eyes, but for just a moment, maybe, you could have sworn you saw a smile on the first mate's visage.
"If worse comes to worse, there'll be plenty of alcohol to drink," you laughed, softly squeezing Izzy's shoulder. Subtle touches like these between the two of you were second nature, almost instinctual, yet you were certain Izzy didn't make much of it and plainly saw them as something friendly. You almost sighed at such a thought.
And perhaps you had your own motives for wanting to drag Israel Hands along to such an event. Perhaps it gave you an excuse to hold him close to you without him suspecting a single thing, just that it was all custom meant to be followed in such a setting. You thought maybe, just maybe, it would be the opportune night to spend some more time with Izzy, just the two of you in the moonlight, dancing and chatting the night away, cheek to cheek...
"Fancy people alcohol," Izzy groaned in response, snapping you out of your daydream, to which luckily, he didn't notice you had slipped into in the first place.
"It's better than nothing," you rolled your eyes playfully. "Now, come on. Bonnet's got some fabrics for us to borrow, he says. I've come to fetch you," you now smiled teasingly.
"Oh, joy!" Izzy exclaimed sarcastically, yet he still followed your lead.
The only reason he was even remotely tolerating the night ahead was to be able to find himself closer to you, away from the chaos of The Revenge and all else it had to offer. Spending a night with you wouldn't be dreadful in the slightest for Izzy, and had you not been attending at all, he wouldn't even hesitate to let Ed and Stede go off to this awful event by themselves. But even Stede knew that your presence was enough to get Izzy to agree to such a thing, and really, what could be more convincing than you?
Before Izzy could comprehend it, your figure was wrapped in an ethereal ensemble. You studied yourself in the mirror, a frown naturally falling upon your face, though it quickly faltered as he came into view.
By the sea gods, you looked astonishing. Izzy already knew you would be the most bewitching of the ball, and that perhaps he would have to compete with other awful suitors of high society to even just get a moment alone with you. He almost became troubled at the thought, but your unmatched beauty was enough to distract him from such a notion. You had taken his breath away and this wasn't exactly a feeling he was used to, though it wasn't one that he disliked. No, not at all. In fact, he could get used to this, and he wanted to. Even though his own reflection stood right before him, he couldn't take his eyes off of you. He never could have fathomed until he met you that someone could be so breathtaking, so...alluring.
But all you were thinking about is how your clothing seemed to accentuate all of the wrong features, in your eyes.
'And the color—it washes me out, doesn't it?' you thought to yourself, almost fighting back tears.
Finally, Izzy spoke, though he immediately regret doing so. "Will you be comfortable?" He almost began to scold himself. 'That's all you have to say? This attractive person is standing right beside you and that's all you can manage to say?'
"Oh, yes. I've got plenty of moving room," you assured him, doing your best to step out of your own head for a moment. You even tried to shoot him a convincing smile. "I'll be just fine."
Finally, your eyes wandered over to his image, instead of focusing either at your own reflection or onto the ground. You felt your face becoming warm as you caught a glimpse of the man before you—how he was transformed, yet, still the Izzy Hands you knew and loved. Only elevated, and even more enchanting than usual. Your jaw almost dropped to the ground.
"What? I look fucking dumb, don't I?" Izzy laughed annoyedly.
"No! No, Izzy, you look..."
Before you could finish your statement, Stede rushed in. "You two ready to go? Oh, look at the two of you! You look divine!"
You looked over at Izzy, sending a supportive, yet spirited smile his way. Izzy couldn't help but return the sentiment as the two of you were ushered off of the ship and into another realm unbeknownst to the both of you.
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
Some of the sweetest melodies you had ever heard began to surround you as you stepped into the ornately decorated room. You could hardly believe how much space there was in just one part of this residence, and that it was dedicated for dancing and other sorts of happenings similar to these. Before you knew it, for just a moment, you succumbed to your wonder of what having a life like this would entail, though you were quickly reminded of your distaste towards it when you saw a woman weeping and being chased out of the room by a man screaming extreme obscenities toward her. You and Izzy slowly looked toward one another in disbelief, the both of you fighting off laughter.
"It's not too late to get out of here," Izzy whispered.
You rolled your eyes with that same familiar grin this action always seemed to come with. "We're hardly even here."
Defeated, Izzy sighed and slumped against a wall, though quickly coming off it as soon as he spotted Stede glaring daggers at him from across the room. Another sigh escaped his lips, and you burst into a fit of laughter, unable to contain yourself. As annoyed as Izzy was at what just happened, your laughter was an antidote, and he was certainly taking it in.
Though, his newfound smile quickly faltered when he noticed a handsome stranger eyeing you from a few feet away. But you didn't even notice that someone else had noticed you—you only cared if the man in front of you had, and he seemed to be occupied by something else.
"Iz?" you asked in confusion. "What is it?"
Without another word, Izzy motioned his head to the side, to which you finally noticed the attention of another that you had captured.
"And?" you shook your head, unsure of what Izzy had been insinuating.
"He wants to dance with you," Izzy pointed out, rolling his eyes without realizing. "And you should have some fun. Don't let me hold you back."
You opened your mouth to speak in protest, but quickly closed it once again. How would you admit, in the midst of a stuffy room with a plethora of people you don't know who are all dancing and speaking at the top of their lungs, that all you had looked forward to this evening was to sharing a dance with Izzy Hands and no one else? That it was the only reason you even considered forcing yourself into an outfit that made you feel bad about yourself, even worse than you already do, and surrounding yourself with a million strangers whilst doing it? The thought alone sounded like a nightmare, but with Izzy by your side, it sounded like a dream come true. But Izzy was pushing you toward this stranger before you could comprehend it, and then you watched Izzy's figure disappear slowly into the distance as you were whisked away.
"I've never seen you here before," the stranger pointed out. "And if I had, I think I'd remember a beautiful person such as yourself."
These words made your insides twist. Your companion spoke with sincerity, but you couldn't bring yourself to believe it. 'He's just being polite,' you told yourself, brushing it off.
"It's been a few years," you lied, not wanting to blow your cover, or especially Stede's cover, as you were sure he wasn't exactly welcomed back into an environment such as this. "I don't usually speak to many."
"Well, isn't it my lucky day then?" he laughed. "No one here even compares to you. You are something special. What did you say your name was?"
But before the perhaps unlucky stranger knew it, you were nowhere to be found. You kept running until your environs became darker, and the moon was your only source of light. You leaned against the railing of a balcony, your vision blurred by tears. You flinched upon feeling a hand on your shoulder, but quickly relaxed once you noticed out of your periphery that it was none other than Izzy's touch.
"Did he offend you? I swear, I'll have his head before he can even fucking think of using it again—"
"No, no. He didn't. It's fine, really," you shrugged, blinking back tears to the best of your ability. But even the darkness of the night failed to hide your misery. Izzy softened upon noticing your state.
"What is it?" he asked, concern dripping from his voice as he looked at you intently. You stared at your hands gripping the railing, but you quickly tore your eyes away from that sight and stared out into the night.
"I—This is why I didn't want to come tonight!" you exclaimed.
"You—but you were so—"
"Excited? Yeah, right," you laughed sadly, shaking your head.
"What is it?" Izzy repeated, worry written all over his face. "Are you sure I don't need to behead anyone?"
Another laugh escaped you. "No, Izzy. He—he said I was beautiful. That's not a crime."
"He wasn't wrong," Izzy shrugged, a small smile making its way onto his face. With this, you couldn't help but meet Izzy's eyes, and you couldn't help but return a smile. Though quickly, it vanished, and your original demeanor overtook you once again.
"He was though," you protested. "This is why I don't like coming to these things. Squeezing myself into these clothes."
"I know these clothes are a bit ridiculous," Izzy laughed. "But yet you still manage to be so...beautiful."
Your heart began to do pirouettes inside your chest. For once in your life, part of you believed such a statement could be directed toward yourself. But Izzy could see the plagued expression on your face.
"You don't believe me?"
You shook your head as you finally allowed tears to fall down your face and drip onto your chest. Izzy frowned and took a few steps closer to you so as to gently wipe away your tears with his thumb, though his hand lingered for a moment longer, caressing your cheek as he was about to speak.
"You could be covered in dirt and I'd still find you beautiful," Izzy assured you. "You know, when I first saw you, I knew even then that you were. And you become more so every single day. You are the most enchanting person I've ever crossed paths with and laid my eyes upon. And there's so many things about the world I find are awful to have to experience and look at, but not you. You're the opposite of everything that's wrong with the world."
Sobs escaped your chest as you fell into Izzy's arms, to which he instinctively caught you, engulfing you carefully in his arms. He softly wrapped his fingers in your hair as he held you. 'I am holding the world in my arms right now,' he thought to himself, and thank the sea gods your face was buried into the crook of his neck and you couldn't see the grin that conquered his lips.
As for you, you never believed it when anyone else said these sorts of things to you. You found it impossible to believe these things about yourself; there were even days where you'd purposefully avoid any sort of reflective surface just to ensure that you don't break down. Sometimes, you couldn't even bear to look at yourself. But hearing Izzy declaring all of this to you—for the first time, perhaps you would actually be able to believe it.
Your silence made beads of sweat form atop Izzy's temple, but he didn't dare let you go to wipe them away. You clung onto him tighter, which only thawed Izzy's heart even more. He couldn't believe all that he just said, even though it was all true, and your lack of a response made his heart race even more.
"You are beautiful," Izzy repeated as he melted into your embrace, and embraced the shared silence. Something about it was comforting in a way he had never experienced before. If he could, he would exist in this moment forever.
Finally, you slowly pulled away, though your hands still clung onto the first mate's arms, and your faces were a short distance away from one another. At the same time, the two of you leaned in to close said distance between the two of you, and all bits of yearning, desire, love, and desperation poured out into this moment. Even without Izzy's words, he had already managed to make you feel lovely in every way even just by him being around. He was the one person who managed to help you see what was so amazing about yourself. You quickly melted into the sudden collision of your lips and he kissed you with a fervor that you had been craving from him for as long as you could remember. You smiled against his lips, and once air became scarce, the two of you simultaneously sought it. Once you both pulled apart for air, a collective joyous laugh filled both of your ears.
"I only wanted to come to this stupid thing because you'd be here," you admitted, and you were sure your cheeks were as red as the roses in the garden that surrounded you.
Izzy couldn't help but smile. "I wasn't going to come until Bonnet mentioned you would be. I meant what I said, you know. You are beautiful, and I'm sorry, but you're fucking dumb if you don't see that."
You threw your head back as you laughed before meeting Izzy's gaze once again. "You are so beautiful," Izzy repeated once again, all teasing aside to show his sincerity. You reached for his hand and squeezed it tenderly as the two of you looked out into nighttime, but all Izzy could focus on was how even more ravishing you looked as the moon illuminated your face.
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tellerluna-stories · 2 years
Text
episode 07: away from home and back again
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CONTENTS: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. m.list!
TW/CW: none!
A/N: annnd welcome to the final chapter, dear readers! thank you for following this storyline to the very end :''))) I'm happy you all enjoyed thoma and mc's shenanigans, and i hope that you keep the message of this story close to your hearts <;33
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Your legs flew faster than light, carrying you across the field in a flash. People stopped and stared as you rushed past, but what were they gonna do, stop you?
You ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. 
(Meanwhile, you were only one millimetre away from having a complete meltdown over… whatever had just happened. Listen, it wasn’t your fault that you had zero knowledge about how to deal with this!)
The only time you slowed down was to briefly scratch Taroumarou behind the ears, for he had been waiting outside of the gate. Hey, you still had your priorities, even when you were supposed to be running away from all of your problems.
But no matter how fast you ran, your racing thoughts swiftly caught up to you— you could no longer tell if your heart was pounding because of the complete overload of cardio or if it was thanks to Thoma and his way of words. Perhaps it was both.
‘As more than friends, in fact.’
Gritting your teeth, you ran even faster, no longer caring about where you were headed. Anywhere would do just as long as you could ignore how your heart threatened to burst out of your chest to take flight, or those ridiculously impractical butterflies that swarmed in your chest cavity like a swarm of hopeful pests. Really, just what were you they hoping for?
You slowed to a stop, the dead leaves crunching under your feet.
There you went again, running away from Thoma. Why did you always run from him? Why were you so afraid of him, of allowing him to treat you gently and cherish you so?
Overhead the branches rustled, sending scattered shafts of sunlight and falling leaves tumbling down from above— in contrast to your muddled state of mind, the world around you was serenely peaceful. And to top it all off, your legs had brought you to the crosswalk where you and Thoma had apparently first met. Talk about the irony.
“Unfair.” Crouching down next to a nearby lampost, you buried your burning face into your knees. “…So unfair.” 
When you had promised yourself to support Thoma’s decision no matter what, you had not anticipated this. Everything was wrong, wrong, wrong— your armour of rationality was long-lost, leaving you to face your raw emotions alone and defenseless. The only sliver of comfort you could find was in the fact that there would be no cars using this road today, because the last thing you wanted was for the whole world to see you curled up like a disgruntled millipede beside the road.
The butterflies swarmed in your chest again, fluttering with the promise of hope; somehow you’d achieved the impossible and actually won the fifty-fifty percent chance of having your feelings returned. For some inexplicable reason, you… actually had a shot. At something. 
“It was so much easier to think rationally when I wasn’t the one going through it,” you complained to the sky. “Can I take back all of my previous complaints, please?”
The sky remained helpfully quiet— well, you supposed that that was what you got for asking for change without even considering whether or not you were prepared for it. However, it did not make the situation any less frustrating.
“I never even expected to get this far! Now what am I supposed to do?!”
Woof!
“Taroumarou, wait for me!”
Your head snapped to the direction where that all-too-familiar voice came from— oh, you just couldn’t catch a break, could you?
Briefly you contemplated your options; the first one was to continue running away. And the second was to actually face your problems like an adult.
(Just kidding! You only technically had one option, because if you ran any more you were pretty sure you would keel over and die from overexercising. Shame on you for not giving your all in P.E. class.)
“Taroumarou…” The footsteps slowed to a stop, that voice of honey-sunshine trailing off into silence. You didn’t need to see him to know what was going on.
Taking a shaky breath, you silently accepted your fate; just like that, Thoma had found you once again. 
You whirled around to meet a masterpiece straight out of the Romantic period– a work of art with golden hair gently tousled by the wind, his emerald eyes brimming with surprise. Faintly-flushed lips that had just barely managed to form your name before trailing off into reverent silence, and a school uniform in colours that matched your own.
(Somehow, the picture before you gave you a sense of deja vu.)
“I, uh– hi.”
“Hey.”
You both stood there awkwardly for a minute or two; the silence was so thick that you could’ve heard a pin drop.
(Well, except for the faint sound of whining that could be heard from behind Thoma– most likely the sound of judgement from the Boss Dog. Sorry, Taroumarou!)
“If it’s about what you overheard me say earlier, I…” He swallowed thickly, averting his eyes. “Well, it’s uh- that’s definitely not how I wanted to tell you. But if you’re uncomfortable with it—”
“No!” Your voice comes out louder than you anticipated. “I mean– no. It just…”
Oh, nothing. Just that you found out that all your unrequited pining wasn’t so unrequited after all. You, the former matchmaker who knew how to counsel any sort of relationship except your own and now had absolutely zero knowledge of how anything worked anymore because according to your predictions for yourself, something like this was statistically impossible to happen and now all of your calculations were now aflame and burning to ashes thanks to one singular puppy-boy—
Something cold and wet rolled down your face, the salty taste lingering on your tongue; with horror, you realised that you were crying. 
“Wh–” You swiped at your face hastily, trying to catch the falling tears before you embarrassed yourself any more than you already did. “Please don't misunderstand! I’m not mad at you or anything!”
“Then what’s going on with you?” Thoma pleaded. “Just tell me what’s wrong, please.”
“I…” Your voice cracked, the tears not stopping even when you willed them out of existence. Stupid tear ducts. 
The look in his eyes was so simple, so honest that it made you want to crumble right into his hands, and you hated it. Every cell in your body yearned to finally yield to what you'd been keeping under lock and key for so long— speak up, you coward! Running away will only hurt him!
“Since when?” 
He swallowed hard. “I’m not really sure, but I think… since the beginning.”
“What?” You nearly choked on the air mid-sniffle, which was not an ideal situation to find out exactly when your long-time crush had been reciprocating your feelings. “Like, when we bumped into each other in front of the classroom?”
“No, here.” Thoma chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Since… ever since we met here. I didn’t realise it back then, but…”
He trailed off in silence, the rosy flush of his face speaking for him. 
If you were going to be completely honest, you gaped at him like an idiot. This guy had had a crush on you ever since he first met you – an event that you barely remembered – and he… he…
You needed to clear your head and be sincere, or else you’d really lose your mind.
“...If I'm gonna be honest, Thoma…” You say softly, every ounce of honesty pouring into your words. “I'm terrified.”
No words could describe how afraid you were; you, who no longer had any more armour or defenses to put up. Like a reckless, well-meaning dog in a china shop, all of those had been destroyed by the gentle heart of the young man before you, leaving you in complete surrender. And no words would ever capture the absolute joy running through your veins when he chose to be with you over anyone else, when he chose to care for you even when he didn't have to.
…Which was really frustrating, considering that now you actually wanted to verbalise your feelings. Just where did your gift of speech go when you needed it most?
 “I’m… really not the best with words. Or feelings. Or—”
“Hey.” Thoma interrupts you mid-sentence, raising his eyebrows in his signature ‘don't you dare start self-deprecating’ expression.
“Right. Sorry.” You cleared your throat. “I don't— I'm just…”
“... It's okay, you know.” 
His eyes softened, that bittersweet smile spreading across his face like sickness. “Like I said, I didn't want you to find out that way because I didn't want you to be pressured. You don't have to be considerate of me.”
Eh…?
Your eyes widened— what was he saying? 
“Once again, I'm sorry for tangling you up in all this,” His words sounded distant and murky, reverberating through the thick fog of your clouded mind. “Please forget about anything I said—”
Horror and panic flooded your entire mind as you realised what he was saying; no, no, no, no, wait that wasn't what you were supposed to tell him wait wait wait—!
“I don't want to!” You practically shouted at the top of your lungs and buried your face in your hands miserably, crouching down once more in dead millipede position as you cursed your terrible communication skills– why, why, why did you have to be so bad at this?! “I like you too, for crying out loud!”
Absolute silence. 
“...Thoma?”
He didn’t reply.
Several minutes passed, and still no response; you mustered your courage to peep through your fingers and nearly choked on your spit. You really, really didn’t want to laugh in this scenario, but… Thoma looked like he had just gotten hit with a shovel.
Taroumarou silently padded towards Thoma and gently tugged on his pant leg, but the puppy-boy remained unmoving. No amount of tugging or nipping would budge the golden statue no matter how hard the Boss Dog tried– but from the way he seemed too familiar with the procedure, you got a feeling that this wasn’t the first time that Taroumarou had to deal with this.
Finally, Taroumarou gave a resigned whimper and raised one of his hind legs– your eyes widened in horror as you realised what he was about to do.
“Taroumarou, don’t!”
Thoma nearly jumped a foot in the air at the sound of your voice, snapping out of his daze at a most admirable speed; the Boss Dog retreated hastily, giving a reproachful sneeze as he skittered back to a safe distance. The miserable expression on his face had you silently apologising to Taroumarou for what must’ve been the hundredth time that day. 
“Um.” Thoma blinked owlishly, a confused (and hopelessly adorable) expression on his face. “I- I didn’t mishear you, right? You said that…”
“...Yeah. I did.”
“Oh.” His eyes somehow widened even further. “Oh.”
“I- look.” You began, ruffling your hair in frustration. “I can’t word it properly, so I’ll be borrowing some of your words here. Do you remember the last time we were here and I asked you what it meant to be in- in…” 
‘Thoma, what does falling in love feel like?’
Your spit caught itself in your throat again, nearly choking you to death from the power of sheer embarrassment. What had you been thinking?!
“In…” Thoma’s voice trailed off, a rosy flush gracing his cheeks– why was he the one blushing like a young maiden here?! “Ah. I remember.”
“Right! Anyways!” Your hands flailed around nervously till they found their place on the lamp-post, your nails digging into the metal. “I- I kinda get what you were talking about now! The whole flying-but-falling, afraid but not thing…” Your voice trailed off as you accidentally made eye contact with Taroumarou, who had slowly walked up to hover behind Thoma’s ankles. 
Kill me now, said the Boss Dog’s expression. Please. Death would be more merciful than having to sit through this.
That death stare alone was enough to make you rethink every word that was about to come out of your mouth; no, you didn't want to admit that you were doing this thanks to a dog, but… he had a point.
You were hiding again, hiding behind words that Thoma had already used like the wretched coward you were, all because you were too afraid of taking the leap. But it was time for you to grow up— if he could manage being blatantly honest about his feelings (the horror!), then so could you.
Yes, you decided, squaring your shoulders and looking Thoma directly in the eye. The time had come for you to suck it up and say what you really meant.
“...Do you remember the day we became seat-mates?” You asked quietly. 
“Of course,” He replied almost immediately. “How could I possibly forget?”
In spite of yourself, a soft chuckle makes its way out of you; it only felt like yesterday in your memories, but so much time had passed between then and now.
“I still remember how confused I was to see you there,” You continued, a wry smile working its way up your lips. “Back then, I didn’t care who or what would sit beside me in class. I just wanted peace and quiet.”
You thought of how lonely and grey the world had felt when you had attained your desired empty seat, completely lacking in the warm hues that you had become accustomed to. Fiery yet gentle red, a warm sunset orange, and yellow that shone like sunlight– for someone who had experienced such vibrant hues, returning to black and grey was a torturous existence. How could you ever return to a normal life when you had already experienced it in colour?
“...Yeah, I definitely didn't get any peace and quiet after that.”
Thoma winced visibly. “Sorry.”
“Hey, don't be sorry. It was a good thing because…” You hesitated for a moment. “...I was happy.” 
You could admit as much, though that sentence alone would never be able to capture how elated you were, the dizzying joy that rushed through your entire being when you realised that someone genuinely went out of their way to spend time with you. That somebody saw you standing in the shadows and went to stand with you, slowly walking with you till you stood side-by-side in the light. 
To you, the forgotten extra, the afterthought who was only remembered when needed— there were no words that could describe how precious that feeling was.
(Man. You had fallen even harder than you originally expected. )
“Even if I’m bad at showing it, I was really happy. The times we ate lunch on the rooftop, or when we'd walk home and laugh about what happened during the day…”
Your fingers twisted in the hem of your shirt as you chuckled, shaking your head in resignation. “And that's why I didn't want to say anything about it. Because I was so happy I was afraid I'd mess it all up.”
That didn't even capture one-fourth of how terrified and confused you felt; the concept of someone finding genuine interest in you as a person was so alien to you that you tried to push it away, running as fast as you can till your legs gave out. But all the same your heart yearned and bled for the opportunity to be cherished, for something to change in your closed-off, wretched mindset, for someone to see through your armour and understand. 
“I’m scared, Thoma. It feels like I’ve been reborn, and it all started when I met you.” Your eyes prickled dangerously, warning you of the tears that threatened to spill any moment now. “Everything is so new to me, and it scares me so, so much— I’m terrified of change.”
Good job, whispered a part of your brain— and in spite of being on the verge of tears, the uncomfortable feeling in your chest slightly loosened, leaving you with your raw emotions. Your mind flowed freely, recalling so many precious memories and feelings that you had accumulated over all your time with Thoma; all were so dear to your heart that you wished you could hoard them away forever. In complacency you had hoped to preserve them in a state of eternal tranquility, but…
“...Me too, actually.”
“Hah?” You blinked owlishly, your eyes coming back into focus just in time to see Thoma flush pink. 
“I mean– uh, well, I get you there!” He sputtered furiously, rubbing the back of his neck with the same charmingly awkward air that he always had. “I really, really cherish all the time we spent together, but I didn’t know if it was the same for you, and I was– I was…” 
I was afraid, just the same as you.
For a moment you're struck with the sheer irony of it all— this all could have been very easily avoided if you had actually just communicated with each other and weren't actual boneheads when it came to subtle cues. 
Was it still too late to launch yourself directly into the sun?
“...Looks like we were in the same boat all this time, huh.”
“Yeah,” Thoma replied. “I guess so.”
That's it?! You wanted to scream at yourself. You had wasted so much time dawdling because of your fears, and now you didn't even have the energy to say anything anymore. 
Thoma didn't deserve this, no– this was why you had thought he deserved better. He shouldn't have had to carry the burden of a coward like you who couldn't even say anything when it mattered most—
“I… You should go.” You sniffed most unbecomingly, dabbing at your eyes with the stiff fabric of your uniform. “Sorry– sorry for just bursting out like this all of a sudden. It’s not like me.”
But he didn’t turn away; instead, Thoma stepped forward to the edge of the curb. The dead leaves rustled around his ankles restlessly, parting themselves to make a path for his feet. 
What on earth was he doing?
“Thoma, didn’t you hear me?”
“I know.” His emerald eyes fixed themselves solely onto you, soft yet steady— the intensity of his gaze sent heat flushing to your ears and your face in a most unwelcome manner. And then Thoma stepped even closer, blocking you from view with his body. "Sorry, I’m- I just…”
Your grip tightened on the lamp-post, instinctively trying to steady yourself for whatever he was about to say.
“I…” Thoma cleared his throat, the faintest trace of pink colouring his cheeks. “I just want to be a bit selfish, even for just a little while. I want to keep this moment for myself."
His voice is barely above a whisper, one softer than the dreams of a sleeping child, yet those words rang louder in your ears than a thousand school-bells. If — and only if — your intuition was correct, then this moment was a secret meant to be shared with only two people, one as well-kept as a hidden gem of a bakery. 
(The sudden recalling of a certain memory made you flush even hotter— was that what he had meant to imply that day?)
“Do you know how happy you’ve made me?” He asked, a gentle smile gracing his lips like no other. 
“No, not really,” You managed to force out, your voice wavering from all the tears you choked down. “I have no idea what I’m doing. Please send help.”
Behind Thoma, Taroumarou put a paw over his eyes as if he couldn’t bear to watch (well in his defense, you wouldn’t have wanted to watch this either.) But Thoma did not cringe, no— he threw back his head and laughed.
His was a light, airy laugh that sang of freedom, of joy, and of release; this was the laughter of a boy who’d been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders but was finally released from everything that had been holding him back. It was the joy of a young man who now knew that there was no need for him to hide any longer, that the truth of his heart was one reciprocated.
And then when he finished laughing, he gave you a smile that said, 'Don't worry. I'll help you, no matter how many times it'll take.'
Your hands trembled, your nails digging into your palms as you struggled to process what he just said. 
You were… messy. Inconvenient. A violent delinquent who couldn’t control your temper, someone who pushed away affection at every opportunity and ran away when confronted with your emotions. So why did he keep reaching for you? What about you made Thoma want to keep coming back?
“I’m not perfect either, you know.” Thoma smiled ruefully, rubbing the back of his neck. “I get stressed out when I can’t live up to everyone’s expectations of me, and I can’t tell when I’m allowed to say no and be myself. But I’ve learned a lot, all thanks to you.”
Why are you the one saying that to me? You’ve taken the words out of my mouth, you wanted to cry out. Unfair, unfair, unfair.
“It always feels like home when I’m with you. Studying with you, eating with you— even if it’s just walking with you, I feel like I’ve finally come home.” He continued, fiddling with the hem of his shirt nervously. “Even if I feel nervous and unsure of myself, at the same time I’ve never felt safer. And it sounds rather selfish, but… I want to be able to give you that same sanctuary.” 
The leaves fell to the ground silently, all the world quiet as if holding its breath to hear your response; Thoma shifted nervously, clearly more flustered than you’d ever seen him before.
His flush deepened. “If- if you’d let me, of course. Is it okay if I keep doing that, even when we’re old and grey?”
The tight, uncomfortable feeling in your chest suddenly released without warning, and your weary heart cried out in relief. You didn’t have to run away anymore.
You… didn’t have to run away anymore.
There was no reason for you to swallow your feelings down till they bloomed in your lungs like poisonous flowers; no, there had never been any reason for you to suffer in silence at all. You had worried for nothing when apparently he had always, always been looking at you– all this time you had been someone special to him, someone more than a funny sidekick or someone to set him up for his next character arc.
Tears ran down your face undisturbed, the warmth reminding you that this— all of this, was real. Thoma was real. 
(And there was also that obnoxious little part of your brain screaming “VICTORYYYYYYYY!!!!” at the top of its lungs, so yes, this was definitely real. You would never have daydreamt that annoying shriek up, whether deliberately or not.)
Your legs ached to run away once more— but not away from Thoma, for the first time in this entire time period of knowing him and liking him. You wanted to run towards him and be caught up in his arms – or catch him up in yours – and cry. Or laugh. Or anything would do, just as long as it was with him and him alone. You wanted to make up for all the times you ran away from his sincerity out of fear, mistaken his kindness for some ulterior motive thanks to your never-ending paranoia.
Let’s go home, whispered your prodigal heart.
 
"Wait, stay there." Your voice trembled. "You're always the one who comes to find me. This time- this time…”
I want to be the one who goes to you.
His eyes widened slightly in confusion, but the puppy-boy nodded in acknowledgement.
Taking a shaky breath, you eyed the wide stretch of asphalt that stood between you and Thoma— a divide that you had put there in the first place, but who was to say that you couldn’t remove it?
Your foot trembled as you took one faltering step forward, planting your shoe in the center of one white stripe of the crosswalk. Courage, that was all you needed.
I’m not good enough for him, said a nasty, hateful inner voice. Three steps and not a single reply, for such folly was beneath your attention.
This won’t work out, said another. You ignored it and took another two steps forward.
I don’t deserve to be loved like this. Ouch, that one hurt— four steps forward, because you were feeling petty.
He waited patiently, just as he always did; the fading sunlight danced in his eyes of emerald, dazzling your world with the light of a thousand unshed tears. For a moment you remembered an old film based on a true story, one that told of a loyal dog who also sat and waited for someone special in his life.
You’re almost home now, said the look in Thoma’s eyes. Don’t give up yet, please, please, please.
A small part of you sighed and wondered what you had become— someone who was practically wrapped around the finger (the paw?) of an insolent puppy-boy, a reserved individual whose heart melted and now yearned for someone who shone like the sun. Realistically, you could have just run away once more and avoided dealing with this.
But the reason why it was called falling in love was because it meant that the other person would catch you, knowing that you would do exactly the same for them. And you wanted to become someone who could do exactly that for Thoma.
You prayed for strength, for bravery to see this through to the end; if you wanted to be that person for Thoma, then you would need courage. No matter how many times your legs trembled on this road, no matter how many people tried to tell you this and that, you could not run away. You didn’t want to run away this time.
One step, two steps— just a little further, you told yourself. You just needed a little more courage to brave your journey to its end. 
One last step forward, and you held your breath, hardly daring to breathe as you allowed him to envelop you in warmth. A part of you still wondered if it was a dream, but that faint, familiar scent of laundry soap, the unprecedented warmth that bubbled up in your throat… you could never have dreamt that up in a thousand lifetimes.
“…I’m here, Thoma.” Your voice trembles ever so slightly.
He smiles and buries his face into the crown of your head, stroking your hair with a tenderness that you now knew was reserved only for you. “Welcome home.”
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From a distance, Taroumarou watched as his subordinates embraced in a mess of tears, a satisfied almost-smile on his fluffy face. This entire ordeal had been ridiculously drawn out and could’ve been avoided if they had just communicated properly, but… the Boss Dog supposed that all was well if it ended well. You could only be a pup once, and as long as his subordinates were happy, then he was satisfied too.
113 notes · View notes
blackjackkent · 7 months
Text
Jaheira does not volunteer an explanation for the little girl's behavior, but Hector almost immediately starts to formulate some theories, especially since he can hear the little girl talking with another voice inside the building.
"She'll be here. Any second. Maybe she's sneaking." "Doubtful - we'd hear her knees cracking."
"Enough, Fig. There's no point getting your hopes up. She'll be back when she's back." "You don't think she will." "I know she will. But we can wait a little longer, if you like."
"I saw her, I swear!" "Are you sure? Maybe it was just a laborer hauling a shaggy grey mop." "Be serious, Rion. Who puts braids on a mop?"
Hector swallows the urge to smile. Whoever these people are, they know Jaheira. They have been waiting for her to return from the shadowlands. This is going to be a reunion.
He looks at her sideways as they step through the door, but her expression is utterly still, entirely unreadable. She only speaks as they reach the center of the living room and the arranged figures standing there (Fig included) turn towards them.
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"Oh, Malar's mark... here we go," she says, and a rueful smile flickers onto her face.
It's a rather motley crowd arranged to receive her. Fig and another girl about her age stand by the side of a young elven woman with dark hair wearing a greathammer on her back and polished leather armor. Next to her is a hulking half-orc fellow with bright pink hair. All of them look more than a little surprised.
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"Are we quite sure she hasn't actually died this time, brother?" the elf says with jocular humor, lounging back on her heels and looking at the orc. "She *looks* dead."
"Smells it, too," the orc grunts.
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Jaheira snorts. "It has been a hard road," she says with something between amusement and indignation. "But I can clip you both around the ear to prove I am no ghost, if it would help!"
The woman grins sardonically. "Forgive us, mother. We're just surprised you know how to find your way home."
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Hector's eyebrows shoot to his hairline and his mouth drops open. "Mother? Jaheira, these are your children?!"
Adoptees, certainly, unless Jaheira casts her net far wider than he would have ever taken her for. He finds himself deeply touched to picture the actions that would have led to this diverse bunch calling themselves siblings. Jaheira has a more sentimental streak than she would ever actively admit.
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"She always brings the smartest people home, too," the woman says dryly.
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"Enough, Rion," says Jaheira, suddenly sharp. "I taught you better manners than that."
"No, you didn't," the orc mumbles, sotto voce.
Rion rolls her eyes. "A sending spell can carry twenty-five words. Do you know how many Jaheira's only message contained, in all this time she's been away? Seven."
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Hector winces. OK, maybe Jaheira's not *that* sentimental, he thinks wryly.
"This... really isn't any of my business," he says awkwardly, rubbing his jaw with one hand.
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Rion laughs, a shade bitterly. "Hah. Now there is a phrase Jaheira has never uttered. But no." A slight pause. "The message went, 'I'm sorry. You know what to do.'"
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"So why haven't you done it?" Jaheira interjects with visible agitation. "You were supposed to get the young ones out of the city!"
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"And you were supposed to be dead," Rion fires back without missing a beat. "That's what your oh-so-stoic message meant, yes?" Her voice softens almost imperceptibly, and Hector can hear the thread of anxiety underneath it. "Yet here you are. So... what happened out there?"
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Jaheira frowns, then jerks her head to indicate Hector. "I got my skin saved by this one. We've come to take the fight to the cult - which is *exactly* why you all cannot be here."
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The woman juts her jaw out stubbornly. "Why? You plan on winning, don't you?" She turns in Hector's direction, lifts an eyebrow at him - in a way that reminds him very much of Jaheira indeed. "You're the one who saved her, so tell me. Are we all doomed?"
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Hector folds his arms and looks back at her steadily. "The cult is powerful," he says. "It's not going to be an easy fight."
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"So fight," Rion says sharply. "That's what all you heroes and Harpers are for, isn't it?"
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Jaheira sighs. "You are a very irritating girl," she deadpans.
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"Ah-ah--" Rion wags a finger at her. "This isn't your house, remember? You'll keep a civil tongue under our roof - *if* we let you stay at all."
"Have mercy, sister," the orc puts in. "She's old after all."
"SOOOOOO old," one of the little girls says with a giggle.
"She can stay," Fig declares. "But only if she brought home *presents.*"
Rion laughs softly, though without much humor. "Seems I'm out-voted. See, mother? That is how you go about talking things through with your family." She shakes her head, looks at the others of the group with some skepticism, then shrugs. "Now, if there's more to discuss, then bloody well come in. And wipe your boots."
13 notes · View notes
bee-dot-exe · 8 months
Text
Surprise hi @kiirer! I hope you, and anyone else reading, like this, because I sure had fun writing it. Happy Valentine's Day!
Heartbeats Like Butterfly Wings
No warnings it's just these two being sweet
1,387 words
"Do you hear that, Ramón, what is that?"
The two of us stood in the grand building where drawings made by people from somewhere outside this realm hung on display, my eyes searching for any sign of life, threatening or otherwise, and Ramón's ears twitched slightly to determine the direction the source of noise came from, or if it was ever even there.
"Sounds like wings flapping or something. What is that?"
I was right. It was something flapping its wings. The wings were thin, delicate, and an off white color. They were attached to a small black body with six legs and a pair of antennae.
"Do you think it drops anything? I don't know. If it dropped anything good it probably would've started attacking."
Ramón had an expression on his face that was sad maybe? He seemed almost hesitant to bring his hands up and sign a response.
"It's called a butterfly."
"A butterfly. Interesting. Should we leave it alone?"
Ramón nodded, I nodded back, and we explored the drawings hanging on the walls a bit longer, until we heard a certain Brazilian's voice echo in the building.
"Oiiiii."
"Hi Fit! And hello Ramón, hello nené! How are you doing?"
"Doing alright, what are you up to?
"Look at this new building, it's so big, it's so nice!"
"I know, it's so cool, with all the nice trees and flowers and pictures. Oh, earlier we saw there was this insect called a butterfly, that was pretty cool."
"A butterfly?"
"Yeah, it was pretty neat, it had wings."
"Oh!"
Pac had the same look on his face that Ramón had earlier. Something similar to sadness was in his eyes but he smiled at me regardless.
Soft and warm and safe. Like a blanket. Or a hug.
The three of us continued to walk around, occasionally looking at art, but mostly catching up on the time we had spent apart.
A couple days had passed since that interaction when my communicator pinged. A message from Pac.
"What are you doing today?"
"I was just working a little bit on the shit shack and doing some mining with Ramón. Why?"
"I was wondering if it was okay if you wanted to do something else?"
"Always, you got something in mind, Pac?"
"Maybe."
I could hear him giggling at himself if I focused.
"I'm down for whatever you have in mind. Is this something where Ramón can come too?"
"I was thinking it would be something just us went to? Not that I never want to not be seeing Ramón. But if it's okay he can not be there?"
"Of course. I'll let him know where I'm going. Wanna send the coordinates?"
"I know that face. Pai was messaging you, wasn't he?"
"You caught me, my boy."
"What did he want?"
"He wants to go do something together. Just us. If that's alright."
Ramón's eyes lit up in adoration and a bit of mischief.
"Yes, that's fine, you can put me to bed early!"
"Alright, Ramón, alright. Come on, mi huevito. I'll be back before you know it."
"Have fun on your date."
I stopped tucking him in and stuttered, trying to come up with an alternative response and found none.
"I will."
The coordinates led me to seemingly the middle of nowhere. There were some scattered trees and the occasional flower but that was it.
I double checked my communicator to make sure I was in the right location when Pac walked up.
"Hi Fit."
His accent was added to the end of my name.
"Hey Pac. I was just making sure I came to the right area, but since you're here, I guess I am. Where are we anyway?"
"Actually, the place I wanted to take you is not very far, but I told you to come here because I wanted to surprise you and walk there."
"Oh, okay, that sounds good, should we go then?"
"If you would still like."
"Lead the way."
After a few minutes of walking, pixels of a building started to take shape in the distance.
"That looks like a cool little building."
"Good. Because that's actually where we're going."
"Yeah? Is there something in there that we're going to see?"
"You will see soon because we are almost there, bobinho!"
"Alright, alright. Carry on then."
"We're here!"
Pac's smile was soft and sweet.
"We're here!"
I smiled back.
"Ready to go in?"
"Actually, could we do something, could I ask you to close your eyes?"
I was hesitant, stuttering on words I had not yet spoken, and that was apparent as Pac tried to reassure me gently.
"It will only be for a moment, I promise! I was just trying to continue the surprise, if that's okay. Do you think you can trust me for just a minute longer?"
"I always trust you, Pac."
"Do you think you can continue trusting me?"
"Alright."
"Could I hold your hand if that's alright?"
I gently closed my eyes and, albeit slightly shaky, held out my hand for Pac to take and we walked inside.
It was quiet aside from the door shutting and water running from a fountain maybe. It smelled like flowers, subtle and sweet. There was the sound of wings flapping or something again.
"It's okay, Fit, do you trust me still?"
I hesitated for a moment, then nodded, lightly squeezing the hand that had not yet let go.
"Then open your eyes."
It was water running from a fountain making noise. It was flowers I smelled. It was wings flapping I heard. From the thing I saw the other day. A bunch of them actually.
"Butterflies."
"Yes! When you told me you saw one the other day, which thank you I'm glad you wanted to tell me, but it made me kind of sad because you acted like you didn't know what it was. And I thought you would like to know about them and see one again!"
"Did you build this?"
"Yes! And filho helped!"
"Oh so that's what he's been up to. I knew he wasn't asleep the whole time we weren't together. You two were being sneaky together."
"Only kind of! Come on!
He was still holding my hand.
I stood still, my eyes open and scanning the vicinity for any possibly unnatural sign of movement, my shoulders tense.
Pac was practically dancing as he moved between small bushes and flowers standing alone in pots. He had a smile on his face competing with the sun, all teeth and reaching the corners of his deep brown eyes, my guard lowered ever so slightly.
One of the things, the butterflies, left the flower it was snacking on and flew my direction.
It's alright, it's not dangerous, it's just hanging out.
It was on my shirt.
And Pac was laughing.
"Um."
"It likes you, Fit!"
"Okay, cool, but why is it here?"
"Because it likes you!"
"So you've said."
My fists tensed lightly at my sides in more of a self soothing action than one of anger or annoyance, but they tensed all the same, and it was apparently noticeable, as Pac walked back over to me.
"Are you okay, Fit?"
His accent dripped in a second syllable on my name like honey into tea.
"What's it doing?"
"Like you were curious of them the other day, they are curious of you now too! See? It's just saying hello!"
He moved his hand toward my chest with a finger extended and carefully offered the butterfly a new place to rest on.
"See? It's not going to hurt either of us. It's just saying hello. Isn't that nice?"
The butterfly stayed for a few more seconds before flying back to the flower, and I found myself reaching for Pac's hand again, and intertwined our pinkies.
"Thank you for making this and bringing me here and for showing me sometimes things that might be scary can be cool."
"I'm going to take a guess and say that means more than just today?"
"Maybe."
Pac adjusted to stand on his tiptoes, the apples of both of our cheeks rosy, and understanding what was being initiated, bent my knees slightly for him to reach for a quick and gentle kiss, our fingers still linked, and the sound of butterfly wings flapping beyond us.
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love-is-patient · 9 months
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Do you believe God answers prayer?
How do you think he chooses who to answer?
So many faithful people suffer and die while praying. Watch children suffer and die.
How does God choose?
Isn't it really just all election? Who God loves for his own whimsical reasons?
If he made us all, why does he ignore the prayers of the faithful so very very often?
What value is there in prayer? Hasn't God already made up his mind? If not, how does he? Why choose some prayers from faithful people over other possibly even more faithful people?
What role does free will play in a game where God decided before he made you if you are worthy of his grace? Based on HOW he made you?
How does he choose among the faithful who's prayers are worthy of his infinite power and what role does free will play in that? Isn't it really about election only?
Why would God pick and choose favorites from among his children, and why does it seem random and unrelated to faith entirely?
Have you read Romans 9:20-24? It's entirely about election. God decided in advance.
Hi Anon, thank you for your questions.
While I am grateful for the opportunity to answer them, I must make a disclaimer. I am not a theologian, I am not an authority on the Bible. I am only human, so I have a limited point of view and I do get stuff wrong. But I believe in the good character of God, and so hopefully my answers will be able to show his character. These are important questions. On the subject of belief, a faith untested is not a faith that can be trusted. The fact that you thought to ask is important, no matter what side of the fence you land on.
I would like to condense some of your questions to the root, and answer them out of order for better clarity, if that's alright. At the end I'll put a TL;DR, though I do hope you read through my longer answers. Lets start with the classics.
1. Free Will, or Election?
A lot of your questions hinge on the presupposition that God has determined how everything will play out, implying that our actions (and prayers) don't matter. This paints God as a liar, a narcissist, and a tyrant. Why would anyone want to worship someone like that?
Thankfully, this is not the truth of God's character.
So many people seem to think that Predestination and Free Will are antithetical to one another, without considering the possibility that they can coexist.
Its true, some are predestined to be saved. In Romans 8:29, Ephesians 1:5, there are direct quotes saying some were elected to be saved. What it does not say is that everyone else is predestined to hell. 2 Peter 3:9 states " The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. "
I can think of no better example than the story of Jonah. God told Jonah to go to Nineveh, a proud and wicked city in Assyria. Nineveh was rotten to the core, worshipping evil gods, doing all kinds of abominable things, and generally scaring the hell out of their neighbors.
For context, during the Bronze Age, Egypt, Babylon, Jerusalem, and all their surrounding cities and kingdoms were terrified of what was going on in Assyria. Nobody wanted to fight them.
Jonah certainly didn't want to go, but God was going to destroy Nineveh, and told him to warn the people.
If God was just going to destroy the city, why would he send a warning? Because he's malicious and gets off on scaring people? That doesn't sound right.
I argue that it's the good character of God to give people chances, and that's exactly what he did.
Long story short, Jonah ran away, God brought him back in the belly of a fish that spat him on the shore. Jonah gave a middling warning, he wanted nothing to do with these people. But the people of Nineveh heard the message loud and clear.
Quote Jonah 3:5  "The Ninevites believed God. A fast was proclaimed, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth."
Fast forward to Jonah 10: " When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he relented and did not bring on them the destruction he had threatened. "
The Ninevites were predetermined to destruction, but through their decision to repent, they were spared.
They had the free will to change! God doesn't want anyone to go to hell. Throughout the entire Bible God is repeatedly, patiently staying his hand when people ask to be spared, and extending it when people ask for help.
This goes into your next set of questions. 2. Why does God answer some prayers, but not others? And: Why does God let bad things happen, especially to his faithful?
These are questions that have been debated since before Christians were even a thing. In fact, there are 3 books that stick out to me in that regard.
Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Job.
Each of these books debates a different point of view. To offer a condensed synopsis:
Proverbs says that the world is ordered in a way to be fair, and that following the wisdom of God is the key to a good life.
Ecclesiastes argues that you can do everything right and still suffer, but that ultimately doing the right thing is still important even if it doesn't bring you riches.
Job takes bits of the first two, then explains it by way of the story of a man who loves God, does everything right, loses everything, and demands God explain himself.
I have some great little videos I'll link at the end of this post that goes into these books a bit more.
But back to the main point.
God hears every prayer. He knows the most intimate desires of everyone's hearts.
Going back again to 2 Peter 3:9 " The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. "
Sometimes, he doesn't answer our prayers immediately. Sometimes he does, but the answer is no. I argue that every time the answer is no, it's because he has something better in mind.
That can be hard to hear, especially from a place of suffering.
But that's why faith is important.
Faith isn't just "there is a God, I believe in him", but trusting that he has our best interests at heart.
That's a massive concept.
He asks us to assume the best in him. That's why our free will is important. He asks us to read the Bible, to look at history, and decide for ourselves if he is good, and if he has made good on his promises.
He has, every single time.
Faith is trusting that, even though you can do everything right and still suffer, God will see us through to the end. God has something better in store, whether in this life or the next.
This world is flawed, wild. Imperfect. I think about all the people that have been killed and eaten by wild animals, or were murder victims, or people who die from freak accidents. I think of the people who suffer with cancer, or children orphaned by war.
I think of all the pain and suffering I went through and yeah, sometimes it felt like God was just letting me suffer.
But that's not the case.
John 14:27 - "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
Isaiah 41:10 - "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Deuteronomy 31:6 - "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you; he will not leave you or forsake you."
God was with me the whole time.
I don't think enough people realize that the God of the Bible is the only god in any religion, mythology, or legend that can rightfully claim to fully understand what its like to be human and god in one.
Imagine an all powerful being willingly being born human.
Imagine him subjecting himself to the same pains we go through.
As Jesus he experienced hunger, fear, grief, pain. He felt the anger of injustice, and the hopelessness of loss. He even experienced feeling abandoned by God.
His own people turned him in to be killed. Think of the betrayal. He went through the whole gamut of the human experience, from the good to the ugly.
He saw the hideous greed and injustice of the Pharisees and the Romans face to face.
And God did that for you. For me. For the worst person you know.
We don't suffer alone. This God is the only god who can suffer with us, who can truly sympathize with what it feels like to be human.
He understands our perspective.
Jesus is more than the fulfillment of prophesy, the sacrifice to end all sacrifice. Jesus is God demonstrating the lengths he would go to to be with us again.
He knows the pain, he experienced it firsthand.
He knows the feeling of starving. He knows what it feels like to be murdered.
And he knows that there is something better coming for anyone who asks.
So, to sum up your questions.
God is good. He does not predestine anyone to hell, rather elects some as people to lead others away from hell.
2. The world is flawed, God is not. God knows firsthand every pain anyone has ever suffered. God does not want people to suffer, but rather take comfort knowing that better things are around the corner, even after death.
3. God answers every prayer. Sometimes the answer is no and we have to trust him.
As for the how questions. I cannot tell you how God thinks or why he decides the things he does. But I have seen his character, and I trust that he is good, wise, and above all kind. I trust him to make the right decisions.
Thank you again Anon for the opportunity to answer these questions. I apologize for the lateness, I am rarely ever on desktop and got no notifications.
God bless you.
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cafeinthemoon · 2 years
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Ruins - Part VIII
Chapter 8
Wordcount 2,7k
Title Part VIII
Fandom Shuumatsu no Valkyrie / Record of Ragnarok
Pairing Hades x reader
Previous chapters
1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7
Symbols ⭕ . ➕ . 💛
Warning (s): none
Tagging: @darling-imobsessed @holdyourwine (if you want to be tagged in any of my stories, just leave a comment here or send me an ask or a message)
N. A.: The family is now complete in this one guys 😭 Enjoy reader being scorted back to the party by two siblings who are not above starting an argument for nothing, Adamas complimenting reader's honesty (?), Zeus being unable to finish a sentence and a certain sea lord not knowing how to babysit a human…
Also, there's something I've already wrote about in my list of notes and references for this story (which you can find at my Quotev), but I want to discuss it here as well: the use of the words child, tiny, little, etc. towards reader doesn't have any connections to her appearance or a suggestion that she's a minor. I didn't specify it in the story, but about 90% of the human girls sent to Vallhala are adults in their 20s, in this is reader's case. These terms are merely a way to depict the gods' general perception of humans, whether they're adult or not.
Anyways thank you for being here and enjoy this new chapter 🥰
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I am Adamas, Hades’ younger brother and god of Conquest.
That was the most direct – not to say blunt – introduction you’ve seen since you arrived at Valhalla, if you didn’t count Hermes’, with all the discretion inherent to him.
So... now you had two of his family members before you, as different from each other as fire and water, yet sharing the familiarity and the moderate rawness only allowed between siblings or old acquaintances, and when you remembered that they have been tolerating one another for countless ages, things would get even more unsurprising and justifiable: Adamas wasn’t satisfied to see that Zeus was the first to find this mortal girl about whom his elder brother spoke, and Zeus wasn’t happy to realize that he no longer had your attention only for him and his talking.
And little you were just standing there in the middle of this, not wanting it to continue but forbidden from doing anything to solve it by the defenselessness of your position.
You also realized why the concept of Conquest was attached to Adamas now that you were seeing him: wherever the place he entered and the people who witnessed his arrival, no one would stay indifferent to him; his aspect and manners were not made to enchant, but to catch the observers’ attention and to mold it to his will, so whether you liked or agreed with him, you would just accept that he knew what to do and would let him take the lead, offering your compliance. That was what happened with you seconds ago, and you couldn’t even understand what was going on.
On the other hand, Zeus had a much less impressive presence at first sight – it was even disappointing for the leader of the Greek pantheon and the Lord of Heaven – but one look into those eyes of his was enough to show that this was all on purpose and that you shouldn’t make the mistake of underestimating that playful, prosaic old man, believing he was nothing more than this.
– My brother and I traveled together here, as we haven’t done in centuries – Adamas was saying – I would have come later, since I have no interest in mortal girls and teaching, but he insisted, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.
You weren’t sure if he was still talking to Zeus or if that was for you, but the way you gazed at him brought his heavier gaze over you in return.
– I don’t have to stay here if that displeases me so much. Is that what you’re thinking?
You gasped. The answer was yes, but you didn’t think it leaked through your eyes so easily.
– I…
– No need to excuses – he cut you off – I’ll leave soon, but not before hearing everything my brother has to say.
You kept quiet and got a harsh laugh as response for this.
– It’s nothing personal, mortal, so don’t lose your sleep on that. At least you’re honest and funny – and glancing around, at the balcony’s limits, – What are we doing here, anyway? The party is inside.
With a “hm”, Zeus agreed and took short, cheerful steps toward the entry.
– I’m thirsty. I think I’m going to get myself some wine.
– So soon… – Adamas mumbled to himself as he walked after him.
You were going to stay behind and restart your line of thoughts, but the two gods stared at you without speaking, making it clear that you were supposed to follow them.
***
You passed under the balcony’s curtains believing you were going back to the room you just left, a place you helped to decorate and with which you were familiar, maybe to find some of your friends, just brought by Hermes-sama. However, the reception you had that time, in the company of the two gods, made you think you walked into a completely different space.
Once you stepped in, with Zeus-sama at your right and Adamas-sama at your left, the nearest people turned their necks to you with strange looks; if they were of surprise or disapproval, you weren’t sure, and you didn’t think you’d feel better if you found out. The conversations, once cheerful and loud, were getting quieter, until they stopped. You glanced at Zeus, then at Adamas, but none of them showed any sign that they were going to explain the situation: they just kept walking toward the next space where more tables were settled, while the guests stepped back to open the way for them.
You reached a corner of the room where most of the presents were gods who arrived when the human girls’ guardianship period started; apart from yourself, the only humans there were their disciples. Male and female elves were walking among them with goblets over golden trays, their silent feet slipping on the floor with an elegance only possible for them. The reactions of the people to your arrival there weren’t different from the ones in the previous room.
That time, you couldn’t help but turn to Zeus and ask for an explanation… which he happily gave you before you could speak.
– There’s one brother left, child...
– And, of course, we wouldn’t find him anywhere but hiding in the remotest place of the building – Adamas completed the sentence in an annoyed manner.
The last brother, Poseidon-sama. How does he look like?
You started looking around in an attempt to see if you could guess him among the crowd, but you only found the people you already knew: deities from the Nordic, Indian, Egyptian, Japanese pantheons and minor gods; none of them had the slightest Greek trait, or so you thought. Besides, unlike Adamas pointed out, there was no place to hide in there…
You barely finished this thought and had to hold back a scream, for the scare you experienced now was worse than the one caused by Zeus at the balcony: in one moment, there was no one in front of you; in the next, your sight was obstructed.
– Ha! – Zeus laughed at your side – Here he is.
The two brothers soon acknowledged the arrival of the third one, and you couldn’t be left behind: you raised your eyes and found a tall, young man standing in noble, bluish clothing and a pair of shoes of the same shade, his gaze alternating between his relatives. The man had wavy, blond hair and no beard, making him look younger than them, though you already knew he was older than Zeus.
When he finally lowered his eyes to you, you stepped back in an unconscious, defensive gesture: it was impossible to guess if that was the look of someone who was going to kill you or to greet you.
So… this is Poseidon-sama.
Yes, if you’d only count his appearance, you could say that Poseidon was almost as beautiful as Hades, but the resemblance ended here.
If looking at Hades was like having your heart warmed and your spirit comforted once you got used to him, looking at that man was like having your heart broken and seeing your darkest secrets leaking from it before a shocked crowd. Though his traits were carved in perfection, the cold spirit inside them was something you wouldn’t want to have nothing to do with: his emotionless expression and the weight of his gaze was the same of the sea waters in a stormy night. Many times, when you were a child, you observed the gigantic, violent waves from your house’s window during storms, and sensed the existence of this weight, of this indifference to the emotional oscillations of the small, human soul; now, they were reunited and condensed in the form of that pair of ruthless, blue eyes over you, ready to tear you apart.
You weren’t really surprised with such observations, of course – the title of “Tyrant of the Seas” was well known even in distant places such as your homeland – but that didn’t make things easy for you. All you wanted was to run away from him.
Please, stop looking. Please, go away.
The Lord of the Seas was the first of the group to speak, and when he did, you confirmed what you already knew: that it would be preferable to deal with the rawness of Adamas or the eccentricity of Zeus than with the low tones and smooth gestural of their brother.
These were his words, about you but not directed to you:
– This human… This female has a decent face. My brother... must know what he is doing.
You opened your mouth, but forced it to shut again before the obvious question came out and the god in fact tried to end you for your boldness.
Female? Decent face? What is he talking about?
Yes, you doubted that Poseidon had any experience in talking to or about humans, but now you were also sure that he hasn’t seen one in centuries. Was that a compliment or a mere observation?
Before anything else happened, you heard a sigh behind you, then Adamas’ voice.
– Good evening for you too, brother – he crossed his arms over his chest – Have you seen Hades around?
The other barely looked at the speaker to reply.
– No. But he’ll be here soon – and, turning to Zeus, – And I suppose we have to keep her with us until there?
Zeus gave him a positive answer and you wondered how long they would keep talking as if you weren’t able to understand them. What did they think you were? A child, as they liked to say, or a pet? Well, maybe they did; maybe you were just spoiled by Hermes-sama, who always behaved like you were close friends, and what you were seeing now was the regular treatment gods gave the mortals.
But that didn’t explain the way Hades treated you – no condescension, no arrogant assumptions, like you were some sort of exotic species. In the few encounters you had, he always spoke to you as an equal, in respectful, simple manners, as two souls talking to each other. Now you were wondering why he acted that way; what did he want you to think? Yes, you had a connection due to your dreams, but why wouldn’t he speak openly about his thoughts and make you understand what this was all about instead of giving you space to imagine things? Why did he give you that enigma to solve? What exactly did he reveal to his brothers?
And why the people in that room kept looking at you that way?
You swallowed. No longer able to stay quiet, you gathered all your remaining courage and spoke again.
– What’s… What’s going on?
The three turned to you at the same time, but Zeus was the first to reply.
– What do you mean, girl?
You glanced at your surroundings.
– Why is everyone... staring?
Zeus opened his mouth to give you an answer, but it didn’t come from him.
– And why is this a surprise to you, human?
It was Poseidon’s voice. You immediately turned to him, his eyes on you in something close to annoyance, the same of someone who is forced to explain an obvious fact.
– They are in the presence of gods. And not only that: we are on the top of our pantheon. Paying us attention is the least these people must do.
You started to observe each of those people’s faces, and the understanding of the circumstances finally came to you. It wasn’t for nothing that you felt so small when you thought of the distance between your own reality and the one in that place: that was their world, after all; what would be seen as the depths of arrogance and disrespect among men was the rule for them. The presence of human children, as Hermes used to call you, in a small part of their territory would never mean the change of the said rule.
And my presence here wouldn’t make things different as well. No matter what my dream is about… and how gentle Hades seemed to be. Maybe the message of my dream was always clear, and I just didn’t want to see it: I should never try to touch the ruins. They weren’t meant for me.
You glanced at Poseidon, who was still staring at you.
– I… Think I understand something now.
No one made any effort to continue that conversation, and you were glad for that, because you saw the perfect opportunity to do what you had to do. You stepped back, ready to excuse yourself from the brothers’ presence…
But haven’t had the time to say anything: all the three gods looked ahead of you, and something in their faces changed with what they saw. You turned back to find what was going on, and any attempt to understand or describe what you felt when you saw the same as them would be useless.
The gods, the heroes, the elves and the human girls all turned their looks to the newcomer, opening the way for him in respectful silence as he took calm steps toward your group. The gods bowed their heads to his passage, and some put their hands upon their chests in reverence: it was clear that none of them was expecting to see him there, but that didn’t make them forget their good manners.
By the expressions of the humans among them, you confirmed that none of them knew about him except you, and that only deepened their surprise: who was this stranger whose arrival was enough to make even their divine guardians be quiet and step back, afraid of obstructing his path? What kind of authority was that?
And to think that, only a few days ago, you were wandering among the Gardens in his company, engaged in deep talking and sharing fruits like old friends... Was that man and this one really the same?
So, he’s finally here... Hades-sama.
He was dressed in white, as elegantly as Poseidon, wearing an eye patch over his right eye, thin waves of his gray hair falling upon it; over his shoulders, a white cape with fine embroidery on its hem, matching the overall pattern of his clothing.
Just like the other presents, his three brothers nodded to greet him, and he nodded back in response. However, his first words were not directed to them.
Hades had his gaze on you, and through it you saw the truth of what he said.
– Evening, y/n. It is with immense pleasure that I meet you here – and, glancing above your head, – I can see Hermes delivered my gift as requested. And, as expected, it looks magnificent in you.
You bowed to him just like the rest of the room.
– Thank you for it. It’s beautiful. And I’m just as happy to meet you again, Hades-sama.
The growing curves on his lips at the mention of his name, coming from your mouth for the first time, didn’t go unnoticed by you.
– You did it, then. You found the answers.
You nodded.
– I did what I could, but destiny helped me on the hardest parts.
– There’s no need to be so modest – Hades replied with softness – I’m sure that destiny would never say no to a wise, adorable damsel in need of assistance.
You couldn’t see your own eyes when you heard that, but you sensed they got brighter, and this change was pleasing to him. You observed his face and, for a moment, the warm feeling you’ve become familiar with during your previous encounters returned to your heart, and you almost forgot the deliberations of just one moment ago; for a moment, you allowed yourself to think everything was going to be like that, and the natural abyss of your people and position could cease to exist with a mere exchange of sweet words. For a brief moment, you were just a girl cheering with the attentions of a gentleman.
However, you knew that this wasn’t but a dream, more tenuous than the one of the ruins, though more pleasing. And all dreams have to come to an end – the persistent looks of the guests wouldn’t let you forget that.
You swallowed and prepared yourself to act accordingly.
– And it was an honor to have such assistance, as much as it was honor to meet you. I’m glad for our encounters and our conversations, and for your gift. However... – you stretched your hand to reach the pin and took it off your hair, holding it with both hands as you gave it back to him – I can’t accept more than that.
Part IX
77 notes · View notes
ophernelia · 1 year
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you’ve got a question, i’ve got an answer.
- * general questions:
what’s your name mean? how do you pronounce it?
my favorite song is caraphernelia by pierce the veil. ophernelia is just a play on the that. why the “o”? idk. sounded nice to me. it’s pronounced oh-fur-nail-yuh.
what games do you play?
ts4, breath of the wild, tears of the kingdom, animal crossing, cities skylines, gta v, stardew valley.
tell me about you.
i go by my middle name, brooklyn. opie, brooklyn, idc what you call me. she/her pronouns. i’m black, I’m from chicago. got my degrees in research psychology, but i would much rather be a director.
why do you have a patreon if your content is free?
not all of my content is free. 18+ versions episodes are behind a paywall due to patreon’s guidelines. all proceeds go straight back into funding the content. (paying for storage for files and episodes. my capcut and canva subscriptions. that’s it) the censored version is always posted on YouTube for free. admittedly, they take me a bit longer to make. so, patrons usually get early access because i can keep all the vulgarity and music in. only vulgar scenes, some vulgar language, and some songs are omitted, but you still get the full story. i just change the content around to make it appropriate for YouTube.
are you an aesthetic gamer?
no. i kinda just do whatever. my page is a dumpster dive. this is essentially a garbage bin. it’s messy, unorganized, but sometimes you might find some decent stuff in it.
what other simmers do you reccomend?
check out that list here!
-* build/cc questions. [i no longer post builds]
are you wcif friendly?
no. i delete cc constantly. it’s here today, gone tomorrow. there’s a good chance it may be in my cc finds tag, if you check.
an item is missing? what packs does this use? where’s the cc?
check the download post and read the description thoroughly. if you still can’t find something after reading and following the directions to a t, send me a message and i’ll double check it.
how do i install tray files and mods in ts4?
copy and paste that question into the google search bar. guarantee you’ll find what you’re looking for.
can i furnish and reupload a build?
depends on the build. check my terms of use. i am fine if shells get furnished and reuploaded. just be sure to tag me so i can see what you do! for my fully furnished builds and Lykaia specific builds, i would prefer if they weren’t.
how did you learn how to build?
start practicing with floor plans of real homes. you can find them online. start small with less intricate houses. adjust them to fit ts4. if there’s things like a utility closet, omit that from the build. focus on the main rooms: bedrooms, bathroom, living, kitchen. once you get a hang of that, then you can start creating your own floor plans.
can you make me a build?
commissions are currently closed. if or when they reopen, i’ll make a post about it. commissions cost, but the build will always be posted to the public for free.
what build cc do you use?
check my resources page.
can i have this specific sim/build?
unless i state it is up for download, then no. i still like to have my personal sims and builds. a lot of lykaia builds don’t actually even exist! they’re just sets i make. most of the areas i don’t film in are completely empty.
-* series questions.
how do you pronounce Lykaia?
i pronounce it luh-kai-uh. is that how you actually pronounce it? i have no idea lol.
what is Lykaia inspired by?
primarily teen wolf. it also draws inspiration from the greek mythology and euphoria. it is an original story though.
is your lou and rory the same as ea’s?
they have some similarities, but for the most part no. my versions have an original back story and different personalities. they also look a bit different. i used their likeness, but that’s about it. ea’s lou and rory are still roaming around in my game. they are entirely different people.
will you have any other series?
yes. i fully plan on doing more series. some reality tv series and some scripted tv shows. my newest series, jackpot, is currently in production.
how long will lykaia run?
i am unsure. i have plans for a third season. aside from that, it just depends on how i feel about it. i have a lot more of lou and imogen’s story to tell. they go through a lot especially as they get older.
can i ask about a specific episode?
absolutely! series related asks are my favorite! i love talking about it. feel free to ask anything!
UPDATED: 10/31
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lirusstories · 1 year
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Card Trick - Septictober/Egotober Day 16
Tw: Kidnapping, Kidnapper killed yugioh style, mention of drugging
Egotober: Card/Cards
Septictober: Hostage
Word Count: 996
This was longer than expected and became a lot nice
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Marvin grumbles to himself as his captor gives his monologue to him, tugging on his wrist to get it out of the rope around him.
And seriously rope? Fucking rope?
He’s a goddamn magician and the fucker has the audacity to only use plain, regular brown rope.
And it fucking itches.
He sighs bored as his kidnapper brags to him, probably because Jackie hung up on him. 
Marvin guess’ it’s because they tracked the phones location. And normally Marvin would let himself be rescued but, it’s a single guy, who managed to get the jump on him. 
Marvin has to hold back an AHA as he gets his wrist out of his bindings.
He just hums and nods too long to whatever the kidnapper is saying as he summons one of his burning cards. He holds the card close enough to singe and burn through the ropes, he doesn’t press it against of course, he doesn’t want to burn his clothes or stars forbid his hair, he does not want to deal with regrowing it again.
Once he feels the loosen enough he shakes them off, standing up as he does so.
“What’s your favorite card?”
“King of clubs and would you like to know why-” The man answers smugly as he turns back to Marvin only to freeze, turning ghost white as he sees Marvin get up. “HOW DID YOU-”
Marvin laughs softly, cutting off his shout, it’s not a happy one. 
“This card?” He asks, summoning a king of spades to his hand and watching as the man's eyes bug out of his skull.
“How did you-” The man does get to finish his last words as Marvin flings the card with sharp precision, straight through the man's skull until it embeds its self into the wall a dozen or so feet behind the man.
He calls the card back to him as the man's body falls, limps on the ground and bleeding.
Normally he’d let his brother deal with it but he’s just so tired. He sighs as he flicks off the none existent blood left on it before sending it back home where he left it. 
He dusts himself off, grumbling about clueless assholes who bite off more than they can chew, pulling his phone. Yes, the idiot let him keep his phone, to text his brothers that he’s safe but they might need to send someone over to clean up the mess.
He smiles softly at the flood of relieved text messages that quickly turning into asking if he’s okay. 
He will be, he assures them, he’s just, upset for obvious reasons. He tells Jackie he’ll be outside wait and almost laughs when he tells him he can see the building. 
Marvin leaves the building, an abandoned house that the moron had turned into a head corners and he doesn’t need to to wait long before his brother is landing a few feet in front of him.
“Thanks for joining the party but I think you’re a little late red.”
Jackie just sighs and before he knows he’s being pulled into a hug, he tenses before relaxing into it and hugging back, reminding himself it’s just Jackie.
“I am not letting you out of my sight again I swear to fuck man.” Jackie’s voice is strained, like he’s trying not to cry.
Marvin just hums and hugs him a bit tighter, smiling when the feeling is returned.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Can we go home now?”
“Fuck yes, Henrik already called off work so he’ll be meeting us back home.” Jackie informs him and Marvin tries to ignore the growing guilt.
It’s not his fault, he was the one kidnapped it wasn’t his fault.
Jackie and Marvin finally pull away and Jackie is suddenly looking over him frantically.
“Relax he didn’t hit me or anything he just… might’ve y’know… Drugged, me?”
The heat around Jackie would be oppressing if it was directed towards him.
“He what?” Jackie asks in a dangerously low voice, working his jaw in a way that he only does when he’s angry.
“Look, I’m fine you guys can fret over me, but only if we can have sushi for dinner.” Marvin bargains, Jackie stares at him before relenting with a sigh.
Marvin relaxes, he knows the anger wasn’t directed at him, but his body seemed to refuse to believe that until Jackie relaxed.
“Fine, I’ll have Henrik or Chase order some.”
“Why not Jameson?”
“You know why, we don’t need that many leftovers.” Jackie answers, giving Marvin a pointed look even when Marvin pouts playfully before he pulls out his phone.
“C’mon man I think this is an occasion that deserves an large amount of comfort food.” Marvin pouts but quickly follows his brother in leaving the property, good riddance. At least he has sushi time to help him relax.
Jackie sighs and Marvin sees him close out of Henrik’s contacts and over to Jameson’s and Marvin grins like a cat who caught the fish.
“Not a word.”
“No problem Boy Man.”
“HEY.”
Marvin laughs as Jackie pouts at him. “Sorry Red I had to.”
Jackie just sighs, grumbling about having to deal with Chase, Jack, Jameson, Shawn and Anti doing that Marvin does not need to join.
Jackie slides his phone back into his pocket before turning back to Marvin.
“Do you want to walk home or do you want to hang on and I can fly us back?”
Marvin pauses, realizing those are the only two options, on one hand, he is wearing heals, on the other, he has to face the others panic sooner but, surprisingly the latter doesn’t sound as daunting as it used to.
Marvin sighs, “Alright, let's go the fly route.”
Jackie grins widely as he turns around for Marvin to get on his back, once he’s sure Marvin as a good grip he tells his little brother, “Alright! Make sure to hang on tight!”
“Hey not that fast-!”
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crayonkant · 2 months
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I love your takes on arca and in gender/transition in general. What do you think about songs like prada where arca seems to assume both a very delicate feminine and dominant masculine approach to sexuality? I’ve seen reviews talking about how that’s arca challenging the views of femininity especially for a trans woman and I was curious to know what you make of it
Dear Anonymous,
First - I'm glad you find something interesting in what I wrote about Arca. I am a recent fan and still in the grips of a very powerful crush :)
Second - why are you asking such a hard question? :) I tried to answer it concisely a couple of times and didn't succeed. So please be patient with me for a bit longer, or send me a direct message for a more fluid conversation.
For now, here is a partial answer:
There's an Arca interview that I keep going to: buttmagazine.com/interviews/arca-2 (August 31 2022). Short quote: "I'm continuing to explore the question of what my womanhood looks like, and how to convey it without it becoming a caricature. [...] It's been a slow process of not wanting to renounce any extreme. Tomboy mode is as important to me as being able to get dolled up. I don't want to replace one script with another script. [...] I'm constantly asking myself certain questions that never go away. The answers change over time." There's a lot to unpack in the interview, and I'd love to return to it in a longer post.
I'd give away years off my life if we could just stop using the words 'feminity' and 'masculinity'. Do you remember Mary Poppins' nanny bag in which everything and anything can fit? This is how I see these words. We stuff in them neat collections of concepts/adjectives ("delicate", "dominant"....), forgetting that their contents is time/culture dependent, and that it is not a given - we choose what is put there, and we don't necessarily agree what fits best in each of them. I'd love to hear from you what is in your bags.
Returning to all this with a longer post soon...
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transpuppymon · 11 months
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Digimon Story: Lost Evolution #2
Okay, so it's been a day since I actually played this so this might only mostly be accurate, but here's the story so far and what I think of it. My thoughts are in blue Okay so you're at a festival with your friends and you see a shooting star land in the woods. You all go out to investigate and find an orange dinosaur next to a spaceship. Three weirdos pop out of the spaceship and make you fight your new orange dinosaur against their poop monster who has depression. They go to leave and abduct you by accident, leaving you stranded in the Digital world. The weirdos names are Uno, Dos, and Tres here they are:
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The character designers did not like Uno or Dos as much as they did Tres.
Okay so I went into the game with a positive mindset. I'm pretty excited to finally be playing this game because it's a fan translation project for a game series I really love that I've been following since I was in middle school. That's why I feel bad that most of what I have to say early on is so negative. The opening is okay. Plenty of Digimon starts with an underdog being thrown into an unfamiliar location (usually the Digital World) with no support network. However, all of my favorite entries in the series break from this trend, and this is not an exception so far.
Alright, so we fell out of the ship on accident, but the smaller children aren't with us so we need to find out where the ship went and rescue them. Eventually I stumble on a digitown and the Digimon there promise to help fix up a ship so we can go and get the kids. They send me out to find some parts from the crashed ship nearby and I fight Uno Dos and Tres again near their crashed Digiship. They reveal that they are beings known as 'Selectors' who select Digimon that will be moved to the next world in a process that they are calling defragmenting. Back at Digitown we see in action what happens to Digimon who aren't selected. They are delt with by the Erasers. Selectors select. Erasers erase. In a cutscene we watch as the Erasers erase a sukamon, numemon, and geremon, but leave unharmed a gatomon, terriermon, and renamon. When we get there we fight the erasers to get them to go away, and find that they've trashed the place including the Digivolution Tree. The Digivolution Tree defines what Digimon can digivolve into what Digimon. It's kind of meta. The erasers have destroyed about half the tree, and when a digimon is no longer in the tree, and all living members have been erased that digimon is effectively extinct. Okay, so it's becoming clear why the game is called what it is by this point. Digimon evolutions are lost, I have to restore them. Stop Yggdrasil or King Drasil, or by some small miracle a different bad guy in this series from deleting the Digimon they don't like. It feels a lot like a twist on the plot of Digital Monster: X Evolution so I am betting on Yggdrasil being behind this, but I haven't seen a royal knight yet so there's hope! And hey about that 'digimon they dont' like' bit, because that does seem to be what's going on, right? I highlighted the digimon erased/selected in green earlier. The ones being deleted are three ugly poop digimon from the beginning of the franchise. The ones being preserved are all fluffy cute ones. Geremon, Sukamon, Numemon (erase on sight)
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Terriermon, Renamon, Gatomon (keep they too precious uwu)
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So like that would be really cool, right? I'm reaching a bit, but if the plot of this game is a meta thing about how the main villian (executies) wants to fix the digital world (digimon franchise) by removing the lame/stinky/ugly Digimon then that's really cool actually, and I really hope that's the direction this is going! But like. If that's your message. Why did you start me with Agumon?
#1
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