#if you choose to play it do look at trigger warnings ahead of time-- genuinely i mean that

[irregularbillcipher]

hey sam I apologize if this gives you psychic damage but your lisaposting always makes me think about how I first heard of the game recently because someone on twt was like oh the game is about a strong manly father providing for his child only to have people correct them on the game actually dealing with parental abuse and ive been curious about the game ever since

NO IT'S OKAY i have. seen that post. that person does not understand the game, to put it lightly

the game makes it really clear that while brad, the main character of the central game in the series, thinks that what he's doing is protecting his daughter, he is, in reality, perpetuating the cycle of abuse

tw for discussions of abuse below

brad is a deeply pitiable character, whose childhood was defined by physical, emotional and sexual abuse towards both him and his little sister, the titular lisa, at the hands of their father. brad's main goal as an adult is to protect his adopted daughter from the abuse he and his sister faced, which his sister did not survive-- so in his mind, when his daughter buddy goes missing in a (genuinely very dangerous) apocalypse, where she is supposedly the only girl left in a world of horrifically damaged men, he's protecting her by going after her. he's protecting her by teaching her to defend herself through any violent means necessary, he's protecting her by withholding physical and emotional affection, he's protecting her by completely isolating her from the world. and it's sad! it's pitiable! you can trace so easily how a man who went through what he did would come to the conclusion that this is the only way to protect his little girl, especially in a world where she can so easily be hurt

and the game doesn't even say he's wrong about the fact that buddy is vulnerable, and could be abused. the game never physically shows the worst acts of abuse, but it's clear that brad and lisa went through hell as children, and that buddy also goes through hell. she is abused after she leaves, people are disgusting to her, and even more "well-meaning" people still strive to take her autonomy away for the "good of the world"

... but she's also abused before then, even though brad never once lay a hand on her and would have rather killed himself than done so

because at the end of the game, (SPOILERS,) you kneel at your daughter's feet, dying a horrible death as your addiction consumes you in the most literal possible way, begging, telling her you only ever wanted to make it so nobody could ever hurt her, and she looks you in the eyes and says "you're the one who hurt me most." because you were supposed to be her fucking dad, and you kept her holed up in an affectionate-less home, down in a basement, training how to kill a man in case one ever tried to hurt her, refusing to even let her call you "dad" because of your own trauma around fatherhood, so trapped that she didn't even know what the sky looked like until she was like ten

and the last choice of the main game is you as buddy, trying to figure out if you want to hug brad as he dies, and his last words are asking you if he did the right thing

brad is a deeply sad character. he's a man who loved his daughter and wanted to do whatever he could to mitigate the harm that could come to her, to make absolutely sure she did not suffer in the way he and his sister did growing up... and he broke some of the cycles. he is not the type of monster his own father was, he really isn't, but he did abuse buddy, and that's the point of the ending. buddy didn't want to go back home, she couldn't go back home, because you never made it a fucking home, and you never acted like an actual parent

as a side note, there are other fathers you can pick up as party members in the game, none of which have still-living children. they are mad dog, olan, and birdie. thematically, i think they're incredibly important

mad dog is an abuser, full stop-- a man who killed his son for not being "strong enough," who hates his children deeply, whose views on parenting are the most social darwinist "survival of the fittest, we need a strong bloodline" bullshit on the planet. a lot of his deal embodies some of the horrible fears brad has about his own parenting, that he will become an out-and-out abuser, and some of the actions that brad really does take, in forcing buddy to kill to become "stronger." his reasoning is different from mad dog, but the abusive action is there, and the conversation you can have with him in the newest update is framed as if you're being welcomed into hell. it's hopeless, bleak, deranged and cruel. it's one of brad's worst fears for himself

olan is a genuinely pleasant, likable guy, who had two daughters before the end of the world. olan did not kill his children, he did not hate his children, he did not seem to ever lay a hand against his children... but he neglected them. he neglected his girls, he neglected his wife, "even when he was there, he wasn't really there." he would have rather spent his time in his garage, downing whiskey and practicing archery, and in the newest update, he tearfully tells brad that his daughters never needed him anyway, that girls never really need their fathers. brad was also neglected, his father was an addict, he is an addict-- olan is another facet of brad's family trauma, another fear of what he could be. someone who never knowingly hurts his children, who is never cruel, but someone who fails his kids anyway. we never learn olan's daughters' names. he talks about them, some of their traits, but he never names them. after more than a decade, it's possible he doesn't even remember them-- he's not responsible for their deaths, but god did he fail them

birdie was, as far as canon implies, a decent dad. (and my favorite character, he's my icon.) birdie is, in his current state, a sweet but incedibly messy alcoholic mourning the deaths of his boys, but pre-apocalypse, he was a single father struggling to pay for his sons' medical treatments. there is nothing in birdie's backstory that implies in any way that he abused them, was cruel to them, or that he ever purposefully neglected them. his son joey died to a serious illness "that couldn't be treated on a dock worker's budget." his son jimmy killed himself after the death of his brother. (i think it's notable to mention that brad's sister, lisa, also killed herself.) birdie could not cope with the loss of both his boys, and it kickstarted his addiction. brad, who grew up in poverty, who is raising a daughter in a world where nobody can know she exists, has never had resources. birdie also never had resources, as a single dad with a tight budget, and no other family ever mentioned. birdie, in modern day, eats himself up with guilt, does anything he can to numb the pain-- it's pretty easy to draw a parallel between his addiction, spurred by his inability to save his family, and brad's addiction, fueled in large part by his inability to save lisa. birdie did care, he didn't do anything wrong, but he also failed his kids, and he's also now been defined by that

mad dog is brad's fears that he will be an abuser. olan is his fears that he will be neglectful, (with fears due to his addiction being sprinkled in as well.) birdie is his fear that even if he technically does everything right, chance, a lack of resources, and things beyond his control could still make him lose his daughter anyway. (birdie also plays into his fears about addiction, i think, because while birdie's time struggling with addiction never overlapped with the period where his boys were alive, brad's still being faced with an alcoholic father, and someone who uses alcohol and drugs to cope with the loss of young family members and the guilt over being unable to save them. it's also worth mentioning that birdie has design similarities to both brad and to brad's horrible father marty, despite being the only "good" dad in the game)

there is no father in this series that saves their child. from the horrible, no-gray-area-about-it abusive monsters to the shitty-but-never-cruel deadbeats to the guys who seemed to genuinely be doing their best with the cards they were dealt-- none of them, none of them save their children. none of them, including brad, and the idea that lisa is about some righteous quest to save your daughter is so insane that even brad doesn't fully believe it by the ending moments of the game

[fbfh]

I think you've horribly misread the situation [shitty roommate pt 2] - leo x reader

wc: 2.3k

genre: contemporary drama, you're definitly going to get second hand embarrassment, cozy fluff

pairing: leo x reader, attempted isabella x leo

reader: gender neutral, they/them

requested: hell yeah

warnings: mild swearing, roommate tries to steal your man once again, mentions of various mainstream vampire media (twilight, the vampire diaries etc.), brief mention of castlevania (even though i haven't seen it yet lol), breif mention of videogames and assassins creed, very mild delusion (roommate is secretly convinced leo is a vampire that's in love with her), attempted age gap relationship (she's 17 and leo's 19, he shuts that down real fast), very bad poetry

summary: You and Leo are both looking foward to spending a long weekend together, and Leo is determined not to let anything interrupt it, even if it means turning down your roommate's attempts to seduce him in the kitchen.

a/n: absolutley no hate or shade or judgement to anyone who has the same or similar traits as isabella!!!!!! at her core she's annoying because she's the antagonist, not bc of any isolated trait or traits

also she's shitty cause she keeps trying to steal your boyfriend?????

Edit: I forgot to mention before, but this is a college au where you're both still demigods, so you went to camp and on quests and stuff together

This weekend is going to be all about recharging. Recharging from the ridiculous back to back closing and opening shifts at work, recharging from having to redo that stupid project twice because your professor couldn’t decide on a clear way to define the criteria, and recharging from Isabella having her townie friend Regan over almost non stop to “completely shake up her look” as she put it.

Between the constant presence of someone you’d barely consider an acquaintance and Big Time Rush’s self titled album blasting on repeat out of her giant airpod shaped speaker, it’s been harder than usual to get in some effective self care. You have no idea how many more times you can hear the phrase “I’m going for Jade West meets Elena Gilbert, with just a little Buffy Summers” before you lose your fucking mind.

Thankfully, the hard part is almost over. There’s some minor holiday tomorrow on friday, so you and Leo both have a three day weekend ahead of you, which you intend to spend entirely together. You planned ahead, frontloading homework, chores, errands, and everything you could think of to remove anything that isn’t cuddling or playing video games and watching netflix together from your horizon.

This includes going straight from work to the grocery store to stock the fridge and get any snacks you and Leo want. You had texted him a while ago asking for anything he was craving, and head into the store with a concrete list. After a while, you circle around some aisles, avoiding the check out.

“I feel like I’m forgetting something,” you muse, knowing it’s untrue, but hoping to trigger a memory anyway. You can’t put it off any longer, finally checking out and heading back to your apartment. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t avoiding Isabella just a little.

You know bringing in all these groceries would be way easier with Isabella and possibly Regan’s help, but you just don’t have the social energy to talk to anyone, much less her, right now. By some miracle, you bring everything in yourself, and hope to get it put away before you see Isabella.

You turn to the freezer, putting away the ice cream. When you turn back around, you’re suddenly met face to face with Isabella, who has opened one of the boxes and is picking at a pastry.

“Hey girlie,” she says, elongating the hey.

“Hey,” you reply lethargically, putting the last of the groceries away. She looks at the pastry in her hand like she’s just noticing it.

“Sorry, I can’t help it, I’m italian.” She smiles, endeared by her own behavior. You have no idea what being italian has to do with asking before you open a box of your roommate’s food, but this really isn’t out of character for her. She brings up the fact that she’s half italian more than Lele Pons blames her behavior on being latina.

She’s wearing sweatpants that say chaser on the leg in red and gold varsity font, and a tight tee shirt that says “it’s okay to love them both” with silhouettes of the male love interests from one of the vampire shows she always watches. You collect the plastic bags to put in recycling, and see a piece of paper on the counter.

It reads as follows:

Drowning in my mind

No one hears me cry

Who was I before society

Before society put me in a pink dress

And handed me blonde hair dye

And told me to lose ten pounds or be labeled a freak?

The happiest people cry the most

Let the lyrics be your story

But I’m not like the other skinny blonde pretty girls

I’m

Different

-b.g. xox

You hold back a sigh.

“I think this is yours.” you say, handing it to her.

“Oh, it’s just some of my poetry I left lying around, that’s so embarrassing.”

I know, you think, you do that all the time.

“Did you read it?” She asks, hopefully.

“Nope.”

“Thank god, that would have been so embarrassing. My poetry is something really… deep, and personal to me.”

“Uh huh. Hey, I’m going to be doing a lot of self care this weekend, so-”

“Oh!” she interjects, eerily similar to Phoebe Buffay - you guess she’s been watching friends again - “I wanted to ask… is Leo coming over later?” Her voice is riddled with subtext, the expression on her face a little too invested in your answer.

“Uh, yeah. I told you the other day we’re spending the weekend together…”

She cuts you off again, a sudden, intense look on her face.

“When will he be here?”

You check your phone, scrolling through your recent texts.

“By 7 at the latest.” It’s around 6:40 now.

“Oh my god, I have to change,” she rushes back to her room, presumably digging through her recent additions to her closet.

You’re frozen for a minute after the interaction, left with a furrowed brow and the beginnings of a headache. You blink, then choose to reschedule processing why she feels the need to change for your boyfriend to a more convenient time. That’s enough of that for today. You don’t care what else happens, you’re not talking to anyone besides Leo for at least the rest of the day. You retreat to your room to finally shower and change into something comfy. As you pass by Isabella’s room, you hear her talking to Regan.

“...There’s something almost… supernatural about him.”

You bite back a laugh.

“Do you think he’s a…” Regan begins, ending the sentence with something too quiet to hear, but you’d bet almost any organ she said vampire.

So close. So, so close, and yet… here you are.

Not much later, Leo texts you to let you know he’s here. You read his text, and run out to hug him in the living room before even typing a reply. He picks you up, and spins you around. The embrace is warm and fulfilling and familiar, and you wish it would last forever.

“Hi, Sparky.” you murmur into his neck.

“Estrella…” he says, rocking you back and forth gently and pressing a kiss into your jawline, “I missed you so much.” He punctuates the sentence with another kiss, this one to your lips, and you smile more genuinely than you have all day. You’re about to agree when you remember the good news you’ve been saving to tell him in person.

“Guess what I got on sale for like, half off,” you start, excitedly, continuing at his invested expression, “the Assassin’s Creed bundle I showed you!”

“No way,” he starts, and you nod.

“I’ll go get everything set up, drinks are in the kitchen!” He watches you retreat into your room, disbelieving how he could possibly get someone as perfect as you to fall for him. He’s not going to question his luck. He grabs a couple caffeinated sparkling ices, and meets you in your room, setting down his bag and grabbing some comfy clothes to change into.

As you both get settled in, you fill each other in on all the ridiculous shit you’ve been through this week. You finally conclude the bizarre - yet somehow standard - Isabella escapades.

“So I will be avoiding all contact as much as possible,” you laugh.

“Yeah, no shit,” he agrees, “Consider me your human buffer.” You thank him, hugging him again and pressing a kiss to his lips.

The next couple hours are spent cuddling and finishing season 4 of Castlevania. Both reeling from the season finale, you agree this is a good place to take a break, get some food, and decide what game you should start with. It’s already 10pm, which most people would consider too late for dinner, but you have all weekend to fuck up your sleep schedules.

“Let’s review,” Isabella says, holding up two red lipsticks. She turns to Regan. “Which one?”

“That one,” Regan says, pointing to the one on the left, then turns to her list, and continues. “Here’s what we know; we’ve never seen him eat, and he never seems tired. He’s really smart-”

“Almost too smart,” Isabella adds, selecting black rose dangle earrings from her jewelry. Regan agrees, and continues.

“He’s almost hypnotically attractive, and his smile is a little too dazzling.”

“There’s something… supernatural about him. Like he’s not… all human.”

Regan writes this down.

“Plus he’s always wearing black and red, and those flowy button up shirts? It’s all adding up, Ree. That dream that someone was outside my window, the ring, everything…” She says, referencing the black and red cocktail ring she’d found with her stuff when she’d first moved, “I’m not saying it’s definite, just that… there’s a chance.”

“What about…” Regan says hesitantly, nodding toward your room.

“Please,” she scoffs, “he’s only with them to get close to me, like Damon and Caroline. Edward couldn’t have just approached Bella out of the blue, he had to infiltrate her friend group first, to seem less suspicious. Not to sound mean or anything, but they really don’t seem like the type someone… like him… would choose.” her voice gets dreamy when she mentions him.

In spite of having seen most mainstream vampire media almost as many times as Isabella, Regan still considers her the expert on these things, and decides not to point out that Edward didn’t infiltrate Bella’s friend group. Maybe it comes up in one of the retellings she hasn’t read yet.

“So, what now?”

Isabella sets down her lipstick, and turns to her friend.

“I tell him.”

Regan’s eyes widen.

“You’re going to tell him you know?”

“No… not yet. It’s too soon, we don’t have enough evidence. I’m going to tell him I know he’s in love with me, then once he’s secure in our relationship... we’ll see where it goes.”

She stands up, assessing herself in the mirror. She chose her outfit carefully; short red dress with black roses and black mesh collar, black rose bracelet to match her earrings, snug faux leather jacket, and black stiletto ankle booties with a very skinny heel, the zipper on the outside gold, not silver. She fluffs her wavy hair and turns towards the door. She looks back one more time, holding onto the doorway.

“Wish me luck.”

Leo enters the kitchen, seeing Isabella already there, leaning against the counter seductively. She’s wearing an outfit and jewelry this late at night that makes Leo wonder if she’s going to an emo tea party. He puts the takeout in the microwave. She’s still staring at him.

“Uh… hey.”

She lets out a dainty giggle, looking him up and down.

“... Hi.”

At a loss for words, and really wanting the awkward silence to be over, he continues, “Did you need something?”

“What I need,” she walks closer to him, tracing her finger over his collar, “is you.”

What the fuck?

His brain seems to stall for a moment, and she uses this opportunity to continue.

“I know why you’re here. I know that you’re only using them to get closer to me. I know-”

“Woah-”

“That you’re in love with me.”

Okay, double what the fuck.

She takes his stunned silence as shyness, and steps closer, putting her arms around his shoulders.

“You don’t need to play so coy, I-”

This time she’s the one that gets cut off. He grabs her arms and gently steps away, trying to make it abundantly clear that he’s not into this.

“Woah, okay, slow down. First of all, you’re 17 and I’m turning 20 in a couple months, so that’s a hard no. Second, I don’t know where you got this idea, but I am not dating them to get closer to you. We’ve known each other since we were like, 15, and have been through everything together. I’ve only known you for a couple months. I love them. Probably more than I’ve loved anything ever. I thought that was pretty obvious.”

He doesn’t want to be mean, he really doesn’t, but he can tell from the look on her face that she still thinks this is all part of some game.

“So why don’t I ever see you eat? Why are you so smart, and always up at night? I know what you are.”

He has to physically hold back a laugh. He takes a step back, and places his hands on the counter.

“Isabella, I have adhd. And I’m literally an engineering student. Why wouldn’t I be smart and have a shitty sleep schedule?”

She starts to protest, and he pulls out the reheated take out from the microwave.

“And for the record, I do eat.”

Exiting the kitchen quickly and retreating back to your room, he hands you your food.

“I got the game set up!” you say excitedly.

“Nice!”

You take one look at his face and can tell something happened. He sees this, and continues.

“I just had a very… interesting interaction with Isabella,” before he finishes the sentence, your head is already in your hands. You let out a groan.

“What did she do?” you mutter from behind your hands.

He pulls you into his lap, rubbing your back.

“I’m not totally sure,” you laugh, “but I think she thinks I’m secretly in love with her…” you’re both laughing before he can even finish the sentence.

“No…” you laugh, “no fucking way…”

“Believe me, I put an end to that as soon as it started.”

“Oh, I do.”

He runs his hand over your back, and you’re quiet for a moment.

“You know,” he continues, “I think getting our own place has definitely moved up the priority list.”

You couldn’t agree more.

[loveofafangirl]

A Different Path

[Baron Zemo Masterlist] [Marvel Masterlist]

Baron Zemo & OFC

*No pairing in this fic, however, this is a prequel to Reader A stories. The events here help Zemo do The Right Thing which starts Reader A’s relationship with him.

Synopsis: Zemo had always justified his actions as a means to an end. He never regretted for a moment what he did to make the Avengers feel the pain he suffered, that is, until he learns about the unintended cost of his actions.

*Set during The Falcon and the Winter Soldier around episode 4/5*

*Hurt, no comfort * Angst *

Rating/Content Warning: Teen: mild language, mentions of adult and child deaths, bombing the UN, miscarriage (no graphic descriptions)

Word Count: ~1,500

Talk of their movements spread quickly. Her body tensed at the news. Nothing good ever happened with the Avengers being nearby. Even if they weren't in her country, she wanted no part of them. She tried walking past the people discussing them on the street until she heard his name. Her stomach dropped, and her breath caught in her throat. The color drained from her face, and her fists clenched as memories flooded back. She reached for the side of the building for support. He was supposed to be in prison.

"Are you alright?" Someone questioned, hurrying to her.

She swallowed hard, looking down. "I'm okay." She waved off their concern, though silent tears slid down her cheeks.

There wasn't a day when she hadn't thought about that afternoon. Her ears still rang, and she could feel the heat of the explosion. It was the day that changed everything—the day that had taken everything from her.

Waves of sorrow, pain, fear, and anger crashed over her the more she thought about it. He couldn't be allowed to walk free, not after what he had done, not after what she had lost.

She played with the gold chain around her neck, slowly turning her husband's wedding ring in contemplation. They had only been married a year, but they were supposed to have forever. It all felt like yesterday. She closed her eyes and listened for his voice.

The memory of his lips brushing over hers as joy-filled tears covered their faces that morning elicited a fractured smile. It was supposed to be a day of celebration, a day just the three of them. She tried to hold on to that moment before it all went wrong, but it fluttered away, leaving only the pain he had left her with.

The following day was a blur. The next thing she knew, she was in the car heading to Latvia. Her gaze shifted to her purse. The weight of her decision pressed down on her as a sliver of the dark metal grip peaked out. She tucked it deeper away. She still had many miles to go.

The trip seemed longer—like a lifetime had passed as she rehearsed her plan over and over. Her vision darkened as she recalled that fateful day and the memories of all she had lost. Nothing could ever bring them back. Nothing would ever fill the void left by his actions.

Forward, she thought to herself. Every day, she reminded herself to keep moving forward, yet the past always seemed to follow.

It wasn't difficult finding them. They were the talk of the town, so their movements were easy to track; getting him alone, on the other hand, took patience. She followed them, waiting for her moment.

As his two companions argued mindlessly in front of him, she made her way closer. As they passed a small alleyway, she stumbled forward, bumping into him and knocking them both off the street. Her hand was already on the gun before Zemo had time to react. The cold barrel of her weapon was trained on him, begging him to move.

He held his hands up defensively and took a step back. He had made so many enemies he couldn't be sure what she wanted. He watched the slight tremble in her hand, realizing he could disarm her with little effort, but he was curious as to what she wanted. "Perhaps we can come to an understanding?"

Her darkened eyes bared down on him. She swallowed hard, her finger on the trigger. This was the moment she had waited for. She studied him carefully. He didn't look like the monster she had created in her head. He was just a man. He was human, but she knew that was enough. Humanity had the capacity to be the greatest monsters of all.

"I was there that day—in Vienna." Her voice wavered as she continued, "that day seven years ago, outside the U.N."

His face fell somberly in understanding. "It was a means to an end." He offered, his head tilting as he shrugged. "The Super Soldier program had to be ended before more lives were lost. The loss is regrettable, but it was for the greater good."

"That's absolute bullshit," she scoffed, stepping forward, her gun hovering in front of his face. "You blame Super Soldiers and the Avengers for what you lost, but you are no better. No fancy weaponized suit. No serum. No gods, aliens, magic, or whatever else there are these days. It was just you. You took the lives of innocent people without prejudice. They have their blame, but you did the exact same thing to me. I lost my husband."

"My sincerest apologies." His genuine tone surprised her. "I am sorry. I regret the twelve lives lost; however, more were lost in the Battle of Sokovia, and many more would be at risk had the Winter Soldier program been allowed to continue."

"Thirteen."

"What?"

"There were thirteen deaths that day."

His head quirked to the side, not understanding. The news had always reported twelve, and he knew each one of them by name.

"I lost—" Tears fell as she tried to find the words. One hand left the gun and ghosted over her stomach. She couldn't bring herself to touch it. Her whole body trembled as a burning fire rushed through her. "I lost everything." Her voice broke as memories of that moment crashed over her again. The only reason they had even been in Vienna was for her check-up and to find out what they were having. "She would have been our first. We had just decided on her name moments before—Alina."

His eyes closed as he nodded in understanding at the depth of her loss. He had waited to make sure there were no children. He had timed it for when the street was the least crowded. He didn't enjoy taking the lives of innocents, but he needed the Winter Soldier. That was the only way. He tried to remember that day. If he had seen her, he never would have pressed the detonator. Nothing was worth the death of a child. When he opened his eyes again, he cradled her quivering hands around the gun’s grip. "Go ahead. It's okay."

Her lips pressed together, and her head shook to the sides, trying to reconcile what she was about to do. Her pulse raced in her head as the ringing from the explosion returned. She focused her breathing. She had come too far to stop now.

"I understand what you must do. I hold no resentment for it. If I could have had swift judgment like this I would—"

"I'm not you," she cut him off sharply. Her face etched with pain, but her eyes somewhat lighter, having shared her grief.

Zemo's brow turned in as he looked at her curiously.

"I can't hold on to this hate any longer. I won't let vengeance consume me. I won't become what you are."

He exhaled noisily through his pursed lips, his eyes closing, not with relief but disappointment. At least in death, he would be with his family, and that was the only thing he had ever truly wanted.

"I forgive you." It took all her strength, but she said the three words she had practiced during the sixteen-hour drive there. She had never intended to harm him; she just needed his attention. She had carried the burden long enough, and it was time to let it go.  

"Why?" He questioned softly; his eyes misted over.

"I am choosing a different path. Your death will not bring my family back. It won't bring me peace. It is something I will always have to live with, and now, you will too."

He leaned into the gun that she still held in her now steady hands. "Please."

"No. This is life. We don't always get what we want. We don't get to choose how our story ends, or when. We live with the pain and the heartbreak. We go on in spite of it. We move forward. All we can do is try and do better...so, do better. Don't waste this."

She breathed deeply, the pressure in her head subsiding. The gun felt lighter as she tucked it back into her bag. She turned away, tears streaming as she held her stomach, finally able to truly grieve the loss of Alina without the haze of bitterness and vengeance clouding it. She looked back once more to him. He seemed smaller somehow. She wasn't sure why she had ever been afraid of him. "Do better," she reminded him and hurried on her way.

He blinked back the tears in his eyes as thoughts of being reunited with Carl and his wife abandoned him, leaving him alone once more. He pulled out a small black notebook, turning to the page about that day, and added her name to the list of the lost. He wouldn't forget her; she would live on, even in death. Her loss was the heaviest on his long list. He sketched a cross next to her name and whispered a silent prayer, although he would never forgive himself. "Alina," his thumb traced her name as her mother's words echoed in his head. "Do better."

[misstrashchan]

Hi!

I have seen you are into podcasts? I wanted to try consuming some stories in this media format because I am curious... however, I do not know much.

Do you have any suggestions?

Thank you!

Okay, so I don't know what kind of genres or stories you might like or be looking for, but the majority of podcasts I'm familiar with and can recommend are mainly horror, or have horror elements. So, fair warning there. (Most podcasts on this list include trigger warnings in the episode descriptions too)

The Penumbra Podcast- I'd say this is a good, safe starting point to see if you like consuming stories in podcasts. The first season started out as an anthology series for a variety of stories, ranging from sci-fi noir detective mysteries, swashbuckling westerns, haunted houses, knights slaying monsters, etc. The main premise of the podcast is "stories you've heard before told in ways you'd never expect".

There are two reoccurring storylines, Juno Steel (sci-fi/noir) and the Second Citadel (fantasy/adventure) that the show focuses on more so as it goes on and drifts away from the anthology format, but you can choose to just focus on one and come back to the other later, as the two stories are completely seperate from each other and don't need to be listened to understand the other. Same if you don't want to listen to the horror anthology episodes like Shaken and Home and would rather skip them over (though they are fantastic if you do like horror). It's very engaging, fun, diverse and energetic, and excellent voice acting and sound design. Just a good time all round.

Currently there's three complete seasons out, episode runtime ranging 30-45 minutes and a currently ongoing series. Here's the teaser:

Alice Isn't Dead- So this is just a firm favorite of mine in podcasts, hell, it's one of my favorite stories in general.  Keisha, the narrator – a truck driver who is driving across America, delivery to delivery, is looking for her missing wife, Alice. We listen to her speak into the truck radio, partially musing to herself, partially addressing Alice as though she is leaving her a voicemail describing her travels and the bleakness of the road ahead – and worse, the potential of what follows her. It's a horror, a psychological thriller and a mystery, told in short, sharp chapters. The way in which the story is told makes excellent use of the audio medium and actively incorporates it into how the story at hand is being told, which I just adore when podcasts do. (There's a book version out and it just doesn't quite hit the same mark as it does in podcast format). In general it makes for a very intense and intimate experience that just keeps you hooked all the way through.

The story is complete at three seasons with 30 episodes each with a 20 minute runtime.

The Magnus Archives- If you follow me, or if you've been on Tumblr in general, you might already have a vague awareness of this series because of how popular it is, and for good reason too. It's a completed slowburn 200 episode cosmic horror/tragedy/drama that at it's core is an anthology series, every episode being a seemingly self contained short horror story.

Given as "statements" by people who have had paranormal or esoteric encounters to the Magnus Institute based in London, which is dedicated to researching such things, is then recorded onto tapes by the narrator and protagonist Jonathan Sims, (one of my favourite tragic heroes) the newly appointed Head Archivist after his predecessors mysterious death, who appears to have purposefully disorganized the Archives, much to his annoyance. But then patterns begin to occur within the statements, characters and previous statement givers appear in other's stories as they intersect like a huge web, and it's clear that there's something much larger and sinister at play as an overarching narrative comes into view that then draws the Archivist in.

Similar to Alice Isn't Dead, the Magnus Archives makes use of the audio medium and actively incorporates it into how it tells the story with how every statement is recorded onto tapes, as well as the events of the strange happenings in the Archives that the main characters (the Archivist, his research team, and the head of the Magnus Institute) experience themselves. Though without spoiling anything, the tapes themselves have a far more relevant and a active role in not just telling the story, but as the story and world itself.

This was a passion project for the writer, Jonathan Sims, (yes that is the name of the main character which he also voices, yes it is confusing) for a long time, and you can absolutely tell with how planned out the meta plot and intricate lore is, as well as just the quality of the writing in general. It covers all kinds of horrors and explores the concept of human fear itself, our personal relationship to it, which ties into the themes of agency and humanity the series also explores.

(trailer starts at 1:00)

The Silt Verses-

Let Me Speak First of Revelations

And Next of Dark Deceit

Then I'll Speak of Champions

Of Lovers, Gods and Beasts

My Song is Long and Twisted

It Winds, it Worms, It Rends

It Carries Few, It Drowns Many

And Those I Love, It Rends

This podcast is a fairly recent newcomer compared to the rest on the list, the first season is still ongoing, with only nine episodes out so far out of its fourteen with a season two planned ahead as well (with a roughly 40 minute episode runtime) but is absolutely divine. I'm genuinely frustrated that I'm not articulate enough to properly describe just how clever this series is, and can't recommend it enough.

A folk horror/religious fantasy serial drama that follows Carpenter and Faulkner, two river worshippers of an outlawed god, travelling up the length of their deities great black river, in search of revelations. As their pilgrimage lengthens and the river’s mysteries deepen, the two acolytes find themselves under threat from a police manhunt, but also come into conflict with the weirder gods that have flourished in these forgotten rural territories.

If you like themes of religious existentialism, how capitalism will commodify everything once deemed sacred, the indescribable horrors that arise from religious fanaticism/cults, rich lore and world building and complex morally grey protagonists who act as fascinating character foils to one another, lyrical and poetic narration, an eerie atmosphere, and don't mind the occasional intense scenes of body horror, you will love this podcast.

Oh, and crabs.

(I would also highly recommend I Am in Eskew by the same writer, his previous and completed podcast at 30 episodes, about a man living day to day within the monstrous city Eskew, but as an overall story and characters the Silt Verses is the much stronger of the two.)

[baka-writings]

𝘈 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘖𝘯𝘦 - 𝘒𝘪𝘮 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘣𝘪𝘯 & 𝘓𝘦𝘦 𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘬 (𝘚𝘍9)

Warnings: angst, smut (not a threesome), probably car sex, fuckboy!Dawon, language, unprotected sex (reader is on birth control), mentions of past trauma which includes triggering themes such as harassment etc; If this is something that might trigger you, please don't read this as it will be slightly detailed

Summary: There was something going on between you and Dawon, you weren't dating but weren't fwb either. You had a crush on him despite his fuckboyish lifestyle, because before when you talked he himself said he liked you, so you thought it will be okay. But it wasn't. What will happen?

Word count: around 4k (rip)

This gonna be very long honestly, so prepare yourself. Also this is written in a huge time interval so please read everything, because it might not make sense If you skip something. It's starting in the past and continues until present day. Also² I was not naming the members, they were always "your friends" and "your brother" because I let you choose who your brother is so I didn't want it to be weird

Thank you for reading🖤

𝙇𝙚𝙚 𝙎𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙠;

Many see him as that handsome, funny and talented guy. All of that is true, but what they don't know and don't see is the fact that he can have and he in fact has every girl who wants him. It always pissed you off, because you had a huge crush on him, but yeah you're not the only one as you can see. Sometimes you thought about how lucky those girls were, but on the other hand you pitied them. You shouldn't be worrying about such things though, it's not like he'd ever feel the same way as you feel about him. Not with these girls around anyway.

His friends knew how you felt about him and they felt sorry for you. Not the pitiful sorry, but the sad one, because they knew your feelings were genuine, but they will never be returned; not from Sanghyuk. Your brother (choose which member you want as your bro, except Dawon and Youngbin) always joked that you can have one of his friends who were your friends as well, but that's not the same. You can't just throw the crush on someone away in seconds. However, the sight of him fucking every bitch that passed him hurt you everytime. You were living like this for five months and nothing has changed since then. Well you knew your brother was right, there was a certain someone with a crush on you so by time you could develop a relationship, but it's not that simple. You're not like Sanghyuk. You can't just "love" one person today and another one the next day. You wouldn't be able to even If you tried. Not gonna lie all of this was getting to you. No sleep, lot's of anxiety and stress. Your brother and his friends started to notice that, but you always shut the off so they didn't bother you. Throughout the time you hung out with them, even Sanghyuk joined sometimes, which always lowkey made you happier, because he actually talked you nicely, hugged you, was close to you as If he wasn't fucking that girl he came home with last night. Why was he so affectionate all of a sudden? Honestly you knew something was off and you weren't that naïve to actually think he'd like you or that he'd actually date you and ditch his bitches. You were long over it.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Week by week after those few times he hung out with you, Sanghyuk was having less and less girls around himself, that made you suspicious. You didn't want to ask him about it, it's none of your business anymore, okay honestly it never was your business plus you were starting to slowly fall out of your whole crush thing. But there must've been something wrong with Sanghyuk. He casually talked to you whenever you dropped by, actually sometimes replied to you in a group chat the 10 of you have. Before he always ignored it or just replied with an emoji. Is this a prank? That's the only thing that came to your mind. There was no way he was being nice to you just because he wanted to. You told one of your friend's what was happening and all they told you was 'you should be happy'. But should you really? This was not making you happy, suspicious and intrigued yes, but not happy.

You continued to play his little game for weeks. You got a bit closer to each other and in that period of time you haven't seen him with any other girl. You could maybe give him a chance no? You asked him what happened and how come he wasn't doing whatever he was doing before. His reply was simple, only a 'because I like you now so I'm not touching any other girl'

He liked you.. at that time. You asked him about the 'now', because to you it sounded like 'I want to fuck and dump YOU now that's why I'm nice' But even If so, you couldn't believe he was not around any other girls? What If he really liked you?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Your relationship has been going on & off for about 2 months. It was weird, because you were close, but not dating neither fucking. Even your friends and your brother actually believed that he is finally normal and that you guys would be probably dating anytime soon. However to be super honest, surprisingly it wasn't him who didn't want to date, it was you. There was still some kinda of tension from your side towards him, even If it's not that visible. You just couldn't really 'submit' to him...for personal reason he didn't know about. No one knew, not even your brother.

Some time has passed and Sanghyuk was starting to be a bit more impatient and became touchy and demanding with you. Of course you didn't like it. Now it was all getting to you, he wanted you now as he said before, which meant the exact same thing you thought before. But you didn't want it and he didn't understand. You said no everytime he tried something. It was all getting really uncomfortable, because he didn't care at all. You were just another one of his fuck toys.

You didn't know whether to cry or yell at him. You fell for his charms again and he let you down..again.

That one day you finished earlier at school/work and your brother and friends had a week off so you thought to visit them in their dorm without announcing yourself. You were greeted with a hug from your brother, however he seemed a bit... stressed? When you asked him about it, he said it was nothing so you brushed it off. As you walked inside, you were greeted by some of your friends as well, some hugging you, some just waving. You were talking about your days, schedules, weather, anything that came to your mind. Which also reminded you of a certain someone. Although your relationship was getting worse after what he did, you still low-key cared? Yes dumb.

But when you asked them where Sanghyuk was, they all got nervous and avoided the question. You wanted to call them out, but right at that time he was walking with not one, but two girls who obviously weren't his "friends" at all. Oh so he was at it again.

Everyone could see how your expression changed. He was just standing there, laughing with those bitches as If you weren't there at all.

"This is what "liking" me looks like? I thought...well I hoped you'd actually stop with all of this" you were looking straight into his soul.

"You hoped for what again? You didn't even let me touch you, how could you even expect me to keep liking you" he replied with no regret, not even after he realized your brother was literally in the same room. They all stood shocked and angry.

"You know shit about me, I knew you were an asshole, but I didn't know this much" you told him.

"Yet you still 'loved' me. If you'd let me take you, one of these would be you" he motioned at his hoes, disgusting you.

"You know what, fuck off all 3 of you" you stormed out as fast as you could, letting your tears fall.

••••••••••••••••Present Time••••••••••••••••

Now you're alone, sitting on the beach during s peaceful looking evening/night. You don't know when you got there, but it was so quiet there. All you could hear were your sobs. Right when you stormed out of the dorm, your legs took you the furthest they could. Now you knew you could let it all go and cry until you couldn't anymore, because you were alone, which was bad but also good at the same time.

Your phone was buzzing like crazy, probably messages from your brother, you though. You didn't want him to worry so you checked all messages which mostly said "where are you" and "are you okay?" . No you weren't okay, not at all.

It buzzed another time, but this time it was not your brother. It was a message from Youngbin. Great. You had nothing against Youngbin, but didn't want to talk to anyone, but you checked the message anyway. Maybe because you had that soft spot for Youngbin? He had a crush on you, which was known to you, but he never said or tried anything, because he respected you and knew you liked Sanghyuk.

The message said:

Where are you? I'm going to pick you up

You were hesitant to reply, but told him where you were. After some time you saw someone walking over to you, since it was dark you couldn't recognise who it was, only when they got closer you recognized the person - Youngbin.

He say beside you, silently scared to speak up.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

"What for? " you didn't look at him. You didn't want him to see your puffy eyes. But he knew anyway.

"For everything that happened" he said in a rather quiet voice.

"It's not your fault.." right, it wasn't his fault, he only felt sorry for you..

"But you don't deserve what he did" you laughed at his response. It wasn't meant to be rude, but you couldn't help yourself.

"Maybe I do" Youngbin took a breathe and wanted to say something, but you continued

*TW ahead*

"All of my relationships were the same" you still haven't looked at him

"Was cool at first, but then?" you giggled again

Youngbin was looking at you, waiting for you to continue what you wanted to say.

"...then I became their sex toy only. They thought they can touch me and make me do things anytime" he still listened hatefully.

" And the word no?"

" It was like an invitation for them. I could've screamed and begged them to stop, but no use. No one could hear me" Youngbin was looking at you with wide eyes, not daring to say anything.

“It would be a lot easier If it happened once... but it was two times in two different relationships” you continued

“So I asked myself, what’s wrong with me that it had to happen so often” you were tearing up now, so was Youngbin, but he decided to speak up.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, trust me”

“Then why did it happen?” you raised your voice and looked him in the eyes. He didn’t know what to reply, your situation wasn’t easy and he was scared he’d hurt you. Oh If you just knew how he loved you.

All of this was making him mad. How can someone hurt you? He’d never imagine hurting you, both physically and mentally. His blood was boiling as you continued.

“At that time it was so hard for me and honestly I wanted to end it all, but I stayed strong” Youngbin got closer to you and hugged you carefully. You let him.

“So when Sanghyuk touched me it all came back and I realized he viewed me as one of his many girls as well”

Youngbin spoke up “Does your brother know about all of this?”  You shook your head no.

“He knows them, what do you think he’d do?” You looked at Youngbin.

“Most likely murder them” he half asked half said.

„That’s right plus he is busy with his own things“ You replied

Youngbin was still hugging you which strangely calmed you down. Affection usually made you jumpy or scared for obvious reasons, but Youngbin’s hug was so soothing. You let your head fall on his shoulder as you sighed.

„I just don’t understan why does this always happen to me. I just want to be loved“ you sighed again. Youngbin was a bit hesistant, but spoke up

„I can show you real love“ he knew it sounded a bit better in his head and by the look on your face he was scared that he messed up.

You raised an eyebrow. Since you knew he had a crush on you it didn’t really surprise you, but the timing was kinda wrong.

„Oh? Please be more specific, I don’t want to end up like before“ your face was too close to his.

„I mean...you probably know since your brother can’t shut up, but I really love you and I’d never hurt you“ you looked away not knowing what to say.

„That’s what all of them said and look“ what you said sounded a bit harsh, but he understood very well. It’s not easy to trust someone after all you’ve been through.

„I understand and respect whatever your reply is, just wanted to let you know“

The word ‚respect‘ was stuck in your head. Is actually someone really ready to respect you? Deep down you knew what he’s saying is true. Youngbin is that person who’d indeed respect you.

You looked at him, worry in his eyes visible.

„I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-“ you cut him off with a kiss. He was caught off guard obviously and fell on his back, your upper body on his.This is crazy and you know that. Honestly If it was someone else you’d not have done that, but you knew how he felt about you. And never stopped liking you despite your obvious interest in Sanghyuk. Maybe Youngbin was the person who deep down kept you from completely sumbitting to Sanghyuk?

When you stopped kissing, you’d expect yourself so sit up, away from laying on Youngbin, but you did the opposite. Youngbin was looking at you lovingly, but still worried. You kissed him again, more passionately this time, showing him you really trust him. He of course kissed back, to deepen the kiss he brought you closer to him.

He pulled away giving you one of his smiles.

„I’m sorry to break this moment, but we’ll get sick If we keep laying there“ you nodded when you realized you were still on the beach late at night. You got up, cleaning yourself of sand as well as Youngbin did the same.

„Tell me your car is close“ Youngbin chuckled at your comment.

„Lucky for you, your car is right here“ he pointed at himself. You raised an eyebrow, it sounded way too dirty, but you stayed quiet since you didn’t want to ruin the mood.

„What? You don’t want a ride?“ he smiled innocently. Your eyebrow was still raised.

„I’ll gladly ride you then“ his eyes darkened after your reply. Well Kim Youngbin I can play too.

„Careful what you wish for“ he pointed out. You smiled at him innocently as you jumped on his back for a ‚ride‘.

He was carrying you all the way to where his car was. Throughout the so called ride you were hugging him tightly.

When you reached his car, he let you stand and wait until he unlocked it so you could climb inside.

„But I don’t want to go back there“ you looked at him with sad eyes.

„I know, don’t worry we’ll go somewhere else“ he smiled. You took a ride throught the city and stopped near plain field and hills? It was too dark for you to indetify where you were, but everything was better than going back to dorms and see Sanghyuk’s asshole face. Youngbin found a nice place where to park  and from where you can actually see the night city. You stayed in the car as it was cold outside and what would be the point of leaving your previous place, because it was cold just to get to another place and go outside, right?

You were sitting in silence, but it was a peaceful silence.

„Thank you“ you spoke up and smiled at him.

„What for?“ he smiled back.

„For respecting me and letting me trust you“ he was touched by your kind words and wanted to show you how much he respected and loved you.

„Show me how much you love me“ You almost choked on what you just said. It wasn’t meant to be said out loud.

„Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you“ you nodded. A confirmation was enough for him to continue. His eyes changed from worried and unsure to loving. He leaned in to kiss you. You climbed over to him and sat on his lap, never breaking the kiss. Youngbin’s hands were carefully traveling all over your body. His kisses were passionate and deep. You’ve never felt such kisses before, before all your kisses were forced as well as everything you were about to do with Youngbin. You’ve never felt real love in any aspect, you were ready and wanted to experience it at least once.

You broke the kiss, stared into his eyes and kissing him again. At this point no words were needed. Your hands sneaked under his hoodie and shirt, feeling his toned body. Youngbin’s hands were under you shirt too. His hands were almost everywhere they could reach. You moaned into the kiss which made him turned on, you could tell how hard he got under you.

You couldn't help but grind yourself on his lap, earning a moan from him. His hands rested on your hips, guiding them as you were still moving them over his covered member.

"We should move this to the back" he said between kisses. You got off him and move yourself on the backseat as there was more place. After climbing over himself, he attacked your lips again so did his hands your body. You moaned into the kiss, earning a smirk from Youngbin. His lips traveled all the way to your neck and collarbone, leaving marks everywhere his lips touched you. You bucked up your hips to meet his sadly still clothed dick. This time it was his time to moan.

“Please it’s too cold for this, just take me” you half pouted half moaned. Youngbin’s smirk grew wider signalling to you that he understands. He stripped you off your pants and panties in one motion. When you wanted to do the same to him, he grabbed your wrists and pinned them over your head.

He chuckled "Next time sweetheart" While pinning your hands with one hand, he stripped himself with the same motion he did to you. It was impressive honestly how he managed to do all that with one hand. Youngbin kissed you while he entered you slowly, letting you adjust to him. The sudden friction made you moan into the kiss and Youngbin was loving it.

His hips started to move, thrusts slow but deep hitting all the right spots. You were still restricted from moving, but wanted to be as close to him as possible. If it was even possible to be honest. Your legs sneaked around his waist, keeping his hips where they should be.

His both kisses and thrust were becoming sloppier, even his hand left your wrists so he could support himself and not falling on you. His growls turned into low moans, mixing them with you own higher ones.

Youngbin felt your walls clenching around him which meant you were close and he knew it. That made him go a bit faster, coming right after you did. He gave you a few more thrusts, but keeping still inside yourself.

"Y/N, I'm sorry...I promise you none of this will end up the same as before, I love you" he kissed you.

"I love you too Youngbin"

"..and Thank You"

The End.

[fafulous]

Take Me Home (3/5)

Andy Barber x Reader (Post!Defending Jacob)

Summary: After the unfortunate events of the trial and after, a depressed Andy Barber decides to call it quits and start a mundane life far away from Newton. He decides it is best to have a fresh start away from prying eyes and alone, but he never thought his caring neighbor (and her son) would change all of that.

Themes: MAJOR D.J. SPOILERS ((The series is following the BOOK ENDING and not Show)), Sad and soft Andy Barber, Single Mother Reader. Cursing.

A/N: Thank you all for reading this! I’m really not so good at nsfw stuff. Bear with me xD

SERIES MASTERLIST

Warnings: NSFW lil smutty.

–

Andrew Stephen Barber is a good man.

He not only asks you out for a date, but also asks your son’s permission to take you out on a date.

But before that you had a conversation with your little one while he was playing with his toys. “Hey Niko, can mommy talk to you?”

Niko fiddled with his toys, whispering to them that he needs to talk to his mother dearest.

“What is it mommy?”

You lifted him and placed him on your lap, kissing his forehead. “Mommy needs to tell you something, and you need to tell me if you’re okay with it.”

“Owkay,” he buries his face in your chest.

“Peaches, will you be okay if I hang out with Andy more than he normally does?”

“But you fwiends with Wandi.”

“Yeah Peaches I know,” you hesitated for you didn’t know if it was wise to have such a delicate conversation with this little brain you love so much, “But I think mommy like Andy more than a friend now.”

“Woh like pwincess and pwince?” he asked you, his face brightening.

You hugged him tighter laughing at his comparison, “Yeah peaches. Like them.”

“But what about papa?”

It was hard to explain, even though Niko knew his mother and father aren’t together. You patiently explained him, pausing in between whenever he didn’t understand.

“…Papa hit me peaches. Papa doesn’t like me, but papa loves you okay, you must know that. You still have to visit papa okay?”

He began to cry again and hugged into your shoulders, realising that the whole ‘papa hitting momma’ triggered his memories that he never liked in the first place, “Me don’t like papa! P-papa hit you! Papa give you booboo in your face mommy!”

“Hey buddy don’t cry.”

Your head turned to Andy; glad he made a visit at the right time. He quickly whispered that the door was unlocked, and he took Nikolai from your grasp. “I got this momma bear,” he whispered.

He snuggled and cuddled Nikolai just to calm him down, walking up and down the house. He didn’t bother about the fact that the child’s tears and snots were staining his blue shirt.

“Hey buddy. Don’t cry what happened?”

“Papa hit mommy. Papa hit mommy-”

Andy cradled him now, trying to distract him with his soothing voice. “Your papa isn’t here buddy. No one’s going to hurt mommy okay? I promise I won’t let anything happen to mommy okay?”

“Y-you won’t h-hit m-mommy Wandi?”

Andy froze for a little bit, wondering where this was coming from, but then you popped in with a teary eye gently telling him that they had a conversation about you asking him out.

“Of course, not buddy. I will never hit Mommy, it’s a promise. I like your mommy okay buddy?”

“Yeah, Mommy say she likes you too.”

“Will you be okay if I’m with mommy?” He asked the little baby, wiping his tears with his hands.

“You pinkie pwomise you won’t hit her?”

“Pinkie Pwomise.”

“Then wowkay.”

A few more minutes of cradling, and the little one dozed off.

Andy put him on the couch after kissing him and came up to you, embracing you in one of his cuddly hugs you always loved. You tip toed and kissed him on the cheek. “Mr. Grumpy Cat, you’re making me feel like I am too dependent on you.”

“Isn’t that a good thing Momma Bear?”

“If you say so.”

—

You knew Andy was a keeper the minute he knew Nikolai would be joining them for their first date at the park.

It so happened that little Niko didn’t like being left alone with Mr. Arthur when his two-favourite people on the planet were going to spend time with one another. He threw a tantrum like one you’ve never seen before, and alas your weak heart couldn’t see him crying for too long.

To your surprise it didn’t sound like he was feigning, but Andy was genuinely looking forward to going out with you and Nikolai at the same time. After all it was his first time he was going to literally go out with you two.

Laying a picnic spread, Andy unpacked the picnic basket. Both of you did try to sneak in a few private moments with each other but was too less. Nikolai would never leave you two alone. “I am so sorry about this Andy. I know you deserved a better first date from my end.” “Hey its completely fine momma bear. This feels just like our dinner nights, only difference is that we’re out in the warm sun with home cooked food and lemonade.”

Mostly what you and Andy could do was cuddle under the tree while you spoke about tame stuff since Nikolai ran up to you both every five minutes. He would take a sip of lemonade, a bite of the Andy’s sandwich and go up the jungle gym with a couple of his newly made kid friends.

“And here I thought you were trying to impress me Andy. Your impressing Nikolai instead of seducing me?” In fact you were drop dead impressed. He took care of your son’s needs first. What more does a single mother need?

It wasn’t also helping how Andy looked so good today. A light blue shirt with black trousers, his sleeves rolled up to show his popping veins on his arm. His muscles weren’t shy from popping through his shirt material. His hair and beard, as usual, is something you’d worship alone.

He looked like a gourmet meal.

“Oh, you want seduction?” He leaned over close, breathing hot air onto your neck while he readied his hoarse voice, “Wait till you taste my peanut butter sandwich honey.” Even though his voice went low, sending you tingly feelings all over, you knew you’d never not laugh for his silly boy jokes.

Dates with Andy soon became date nights. Andy was a gentleman when it came to your son’s involvement. Any other prospective date of yours would have ended it soon since dating you meant having your son all day around. Thanks to the help of Andy’s loyal contacts and past clients, he had managed to get Nikolai into a day-care since it was time you stopped depending on your neighbours. They were extremely kind and didn’t mind taking care of Niko too, but you had to respect their fragile age. So here you two were, on an official first date without your son. A quiet lunch in a quaint cafe right near your library. Andy picked you up, even though you argued that it was literally walk-able from your workplace. Andy and you felt the conversation going so smoothly. It only felt like any other conversation you both had during dinner every day. But only this time, both of you had little butterflies in your stomachs in the hopes of this relationship blooming into a safe cocoon. A safe place for each other. "I’m guessing the first time you saw me, I was never in your good books?” “Oh no,” you huffed taking a sip of your wine, “you were a pain in the ass. I still never get it why you were so rude to me.” Andy reached out for your hands and gave a gentle squeeze. “I’ll never forgive myself for that. You just seemed so so… good to be true. I wanted to keep distance from something that was so wholesome, especially when I used to see you and Niko in your lawn every evening you know.”

”Oh shush Andy. You’ve made Niko’s and my life too good to be true now.” With great difficulty, you let Andy pay for the first date, arguing that he was always fed by your home cooked meals and now was his turn. 

“I had a good time Andy. I had such a good time. I want to spend more time with you like this.”

“We have every night ahead of us honey. We get to spend more time more now.”

“Niko has gone to his father’s place, it’s his birthday this week and he wanted Nikolai for the whole week,” your face drooped, “We have the week to ourselves. Do you wanna, you know, do something?”

“Yeah I’d love to. Say what about dinner at my place? Drop in home once work is over? I’ll cook?”

This was a little chance. He wanted to do something more intimate with you.

Once work was over, you straight away drove to his home. When Andy opened the door, you hugged Andy and took in the blissful ambience of his house.

Anyone would argue he wasn’t a bachelor. His house was so neat, better than the first time you visited his house.

Andy made a beeline to the stove and over while you removed your coat and went around the place. His house soon smelled like a warm toasty oven; vanilla candles lit on the table with a few fresh roses in a vase in between.

“How was your day honey? I really love the blouse you’re wearing.”

Such a charmer.

“Thanks bub. My day went fine you had no idea what happened…”

You dramatically narrate the events of your workplace as you plop yourself on the kitchen counter while Andy shows keen interest in your words even though he his cooking. He simmers the flames and chooses to give you his full attention now.

“…and so now Tracy doesn’t like me anymore because I am going out with you now.”

“Is that right now?” he leaned in closer, placing his arm on your sides, trapping you with his arms on either side of you.

You nodded, which was sending Andy crazy because he saw how your supple lips were being trampled by your own teeth. You looked irresistible. With your flimsy cute work blouse showing the perfect amount of cleavage and outlining the cups of your bra, he just instinctively leaned closer to you. Both of you were silent except for each other’s breaths.

But your eyes trailed lazily over him, until it landed on an uncharacteristic embroidered apron that said Kiss the Cook.

As Andy neared you, your legs wrapped around his thighs, feeling his well-toned calf muscles that he must have developed from swimming. Your voice was so breathy that you doubted if Andy could hear you. “Do we obey the words of the apron in this house?”

Andy looked down to his apron and then back at you, eyes looking at your lips, “Well I was planning for that after dinner gets over.”

“Oh Andy,” your fingernails trace his cheek, shamelessly pulling him by the chin as your lips brushed his. “But I’m so hungry…”

Andy smashed his lips on to yours, even though he wanted to be gentle. You kissed him back with all the pent-up frustration of not being able to touch a man for so long on to him. Andy kissed you just as passionately and deeply as you did. You ruffled and pulled on his hair while your tongues peaked inside one another. He tasted like a homemade meal with a splash of wine. It was the first time both of you made out. Andy Barber of the past would have instantly taken you over the counter, but his clogged mind didn’t think he deserved such gestures of pleasure. So, he never took any initiative to direct things, always seeking your direction like lost puppy. "Andy? Bub? You can touch me wherever you want,” you whispered. He pulled you closer by gripping on to your ass harshly which earned a sexy chuckle from the both of you. Andy couldn’t say how you tasted, maybe it was some flavoured chapstick that you’d always wear? But for Andy, you tasted like home, his favourite taste.

Both of you gently yet quickly ripped off each other’s clothing. Andy’s bare chest made you want to place sloppy kisses all over his body and at the same time pinch his cute pink nipples. But you reminded yourself to stay grounded.

Because Andy was being very reserved with you. He was so hesitant, you could feel it, even though he was a mind blowing kisser. He removed your top and asked you a couple of times if he could touch your breasts.

He pushed away everything and made you lie on the counter. He massaged your breasts while he shoved his tongue way down your throat. It felt so good. He felt so good. So good that you could feel your panties ruined. His hands dangerously neared your clothed core. Your fantasies of Andy bending you over the counter and fucking you like he owned you flashed for a couple of minutes. But Andy stopped his kisses the minute he smelt the burnt smell coming from the oven and stove. Andy took out the burnt pasta and the burnt chicken appetizer from his stove and oven and placed it in the open.

Two panting, half naked bodies looking at each other. “Sorry Bubba. We got um carried away with the kiss, didn’t we?”

“No way honey. That was more than just a kiss. But this is just a plate of pasta and chicken. Besides what do you think about candlelight pizza and some whiskey with your favourite Harry Potter movie?”

“Andy,” you said with your strict voice, “you have officially seduced me with that one question. It’s definitely a big yes!”

Andy plopped you off the kitchen counter with one more passionate kiss and helped you into his sweater (since you requested if you could wear one of his soft blue sweaters). Andy realised you had removed your work skirt and were tying your hair into a high bun when he finished ordering your pizza.

If Nikolai had made his living room messy and loud with his toys and fighting sounds, he would be having a perfect home right now.

Soon the pizza came. Andy didn’t let you do any kind of work. He placed the pizza box on the coffee table and lit two more freshly smelling vanilla candles in front of you. He brought his bottle of whiskey and a couple of glasses (and even wine because in case you change your mind). Before Andy sat down you realised, he was like you too with just sweaters and boxers. His hair was the same, ruffled because of the little stunt you both pulled at the counter.

“You don’t mind right?” He gestured to his attire.

“Oh, lover boy, this is a perfect night and I know it.”

Before you know it your cuddling with each other as the movie goes on, taking bites of cheese and sips of alcohol. Once the food gets over, you almost reach one third of the film, now just drinking mindlessly on wine and whiskey as both of you start to get grabby with one another.

Andy and you became tipsy, the movie soon forgotten. Cuddling soon became sweet whispers of comfort.

Sweet whispers of comfort soon became sloppy neck kisses.

Oh boy and these neck kisses ended up being another make out session.

Getting lost into each other’s kisses was something you loved with Andy. Even though you could feel his hard shaft onto your clothed dripping wet core now, both of you responsible adults knew it was too early for sex.

Both of tried to exchange a conversation that was soon forgotten. It came out as mumbled words and they were soon forgotten…

“H’honey,” he burped with the amount of alcohol he had consumed, “you’re not mad at me for not having sex, right?”

“Shhh, it’s okay Andy,” you burped back too, “Nothing wrong in saying no to sex. Consent is important. We are res-responsible adults- Andy that tickles!”

Andy rolled over on top of you on the couch and attacked your ears, peppering his lips all over your chest.

Sex was out of the cards for you lovebirds. Not sloppy wet kisses right? — Andy would do these small gestures that would always bring a gush of warmth and fuzziness inside you. His hands on the small of your back whenever you walked anywhere. The small back rubs he would give you whenever his body swallows you for a hug. His forehead kisses whenever he saw you stressing out too hard thinking about Nikolai. Your most favourite, linking your hands or pulling you towards his shoulders while going out (even in a departmental store) when any unknown young man approaches you. 

You did miss your son without doubt, but it gave so much time for you and Andy to get to know each other much more intimately, emotionally.

Andy had his own vulnerabilities. That as just as much he is moving on, he is as much depressed if he is left alone. He even opened to you how he was going and try to reach out to a psychiatrist and you encouraged him to do so if it would make him feel better

Physically, Andy and you fooled around kissing all day. He never initiated anything, but when you did, he would beg you not to stop. You were genuinely not complaining because sex isn’t everything in a relationship. He told you honestly that he wanted to know you much more before consummating with you and you understood, because you realised, he just came out of a 17-year old institution called marriage.

The idea of him moving on was a blessing for you. Now you would wait for the blessing to count… Or you would just take it in your own hands?

Just the day before Nikolai visits home, Andy asked if he could work on Nikolai’s nursery. You were more than happy to oblige.

As hard as it was to get up early on a Sunday morning, Andy made it easier since he bought you some coffee and waffles.

He began with painting the wall with Nikolai’s favourite colour blue and made sure they were done in neat strokes. You are having the time of your life for you just sat on Niko’s bed watching Andy drilling a few holes into the wall. 

He was shirtless all day.

You saw how his back muscles flex as he tried to screw in wooden planks on the wall to hold any toys for him. He even made two small wooden cubbies for Niko’s toys and books. He even made sure to buy extra black paint so that we could draw a very amateur version of his Audi car that Nikolai loved. You and Andy had a good laugh at the final disfigured outcome but were happy genuinely. It was the thought that matters

He loves nothing more than a home cooked meal and so you made him lunch and dinner while he finished the last details.

You left Andy alone in Niko’s nursery while you had to wrap up the kitchen and clean it. You made sure Nikolai’s pancakes batter was in stock because he was coming home tomorrow.

When you entered the nursery, it looked so perfect. Green walls, a cute little bed for his liking and a lamp in the shape of a yellow star was placed near his bed. But just one thing or one person looked out of place.

“Andy? Why do you look so stressed?” “Nothing just- was reminded of Jacob,” he shook his head, looking at the photo frame of new-born Nikolai in your arms. “His hair looks uncannily similar to Jake’s.” You sat next to him, your hands gently squeezing his thighs in comfort. “Do you want to talk about it?” “No no, I’m fine.” He gave you a half-hearted grin, but soon smiling at you for he realised how grateful he was for you to be here at every step of processing his emotions, “Thank you momma bear.”

“No bubba, thank you for all of this.” Both of you leaned over for a quick kiss, but Andy didn’t let go. His kiss on your lips felt needy, tugging on to your lips when you let go and looked into his eyes; it wasn’t as sunken as it was when you first laid your eyes on him. You realised how bad it must be for him to be alone with his thoughts.

But at the same time, you knew he wanted more, his eyes looked like that of a needy child wanting comfort. 

And you were hell-bent on giving it to him

“Hey bubba, I gotchu’ okay?” He closed his eyes when he felt your soft palms cupping his cheek; the movement of his thumbs making him blush more. You brought your lips to his, feeling his chapped his against your soft ones.

You got up from the nursery and pulled him to your room and gently closed the door to lean in for another deep kiss.

It was too addictive. Andy had to taste more. He pulled you closer and kissed back with a newfound passion. But he felt you pulling back, leaving him breathless only to see you making him sit down on the bed and you falling down on your knees. “Hey no,” he knew what you were up to, “you don’t have do this.” “But I want to Andy. I wanna take care of you.” I want to give my love to you. You convinced him to relax and pulled down his sweatpants. His black boxers didn’t help hiding his growing bulge. You nudged him to open his legs wide and began placing soft kisses up his thighs. Andy breathed out soft whimpers when you licked and grazed your teeth over his clothed bulge all the way up. His needy state made you tear up a little bit, but it was okay, you were here for him now.

You pulled him for one more kiss before pulling down his boxers. “You look so beautiful bubba,” you whispered to him, gently stroking him while you pulled him down for a peck on his lips.

Andy was mesmerised by the sight of his cock in your hands. You teasingly stroked his length and placed sloppy kisses all over, earning a loud curse from him. 

“Fuck!”

“Do you like it bubba? Do you like me holding you like this?” your mischievous yet caring eyes fluttering as you kitten licked the tip of his throbbing cock. Andy threw his head back, his breathing becoming heavier. 

Andy was a moaning mess and boy oh boy you weren’t even started. He then saw your pretty lips wrap around his shaft, your tongue running around his throbbing length. When you wrapped your hand around the remaining part of his cock, bobbing up and down, Andy became a mumbling mess. He gripped on to the sheets beside him, not wanting to ruin his beautiful sight in front of him.

You could taste his precum on your lips, making you wet already. You sloppily licked him again, thinking about how would his hot cum feel inside of you. Your moan into his cock made Andy shudder with a small intensity. He was close already.

Tonight was about him only.

Andy tried so hard not to close his eyes, but he failed for he lost himself in this pleasure. He finally gave up tugged on to your hair gently, eyes lidded with desire. He felt so good in your mouth. 

He felt so good being with you.

As you increased the pace, you felt him buck his hips against your mouth while your fingernails gently teased his balls. Andy wanted to fall back on the bed, but he kept growling incoherently at your antics. But he wanted to see his cock getting lost in your mouth. 

“H-honey, I’m gonna- oh my god!”

He finally falls back onto the bed, his hips hitting your mouth harshly once more as you felt spurts of his sweet, salty cum go down your throat. You tried to lick every last drop of him on your lips, but you had a better idea. 

Andy slowly open his eyes, only to see you hovering over him, panting. You leaned in for another kiss, passionately taking in all of you while he came to senses to realise, he was tasting himself off of you.

Andy looked so beautiful, his face was flushed. A glow on his face like a boy getting laid for the first time. His eyes had that mild sparkle; you would do anything to get happiness in this man’s life now.

“You taste that bubba? That was you,” you kissed his neck and another sloppy kiss to his plump lips, “So sweet.”

“You’re a little minx momma bear” he panted too, rolling over to nuzzle in your neck, “I never knew you had it in you.”

“Neither did I, I just wanted to take care of you okay. You looked like you could use a uhm- you know-“

“An Orgasm?”

“Yeah.” Both of you giggled like teenagers while later as Andy pecked more needy kisses on your neck.

“I want to return the favour, Honey.”

Oh, you would gladly accept him jumping into you, but you weren’t cruel. The man was literally tired. “But you look so tired Andy,” you cupped his cheeks again, ruffling your hands into his hair, “My orgasm can wait.”

“B-but" 

“No buts mister. You did so much work today. You help me set up Nikolai’s whole room and you never even let me help you. This was all about you okay? I can’t see you with a frown on your face Andy. I really lo-like you a lot okay?”

"You hurting me honey,” he leaned closer to whisper sweet nothings, “I really like you too and that’s why I wanna make it up to you, now.”

“Sleep next to me today?” you trailed his hands over his exposed chest.

“Say no more.” You gasped as Andy lifted you over shoulders, spanking your soft peach. He gently made you sit down on your bed and helped you change into your nightwear, which was his very same blue sweater you wore that day.

That night you realised you would never cease to make his life brighter.

You spooned Andy as you both exchanged good night kisses. He was delighted, he was in the arms of a woman who was way out of his league. He slept that night peacefully knowing that he finally has someone to take care of him now. –

The very next Monday morning, Andy and you woke up to the sound of the calling bell, realising it was Chad dropping off Nikolai before he heads off to work. Andy was gleeful as he strode towards the door, excited about what happened last night.   “Yaay! Wandi!” Niko literally jumped from his father’s hand to Andy’s shoulder, hugging his mother’s new pwince tightly as ever. 

“Hey buddy, glad to have you back.”

Niko then goes running into his house, to his mother by the kitchen counter. You hugged your boy and held him in your arms, unbeknownst to you the ugly conversation that was going to follow

“It’s you from the library,” Chad eyed him like a piece of meat noticing he was not wearing his shirt.

You observed from afar. He was nothing compared to Andy. Your boyfriend’s muscles had more personality that your son’s father. “Yes and you must be Chad, Y/N’s ex-husband.” “And you must be Andrew Barber. Father of the dead Jacob Barber.” “You are a fucking son of a-” You quickly put Nikolai down and asked him to go to his room. Andy wanted to throw this man over your porch and slam his head with a metal pan. But you beat him to it as he saw you holding Chad by the collar. “How dare you? Don’t you fucking DARE say a word about him, DO YOU GET IT?” Andy tried and successfully held on to you know, deeply terrified of how you were shouting.

“You’re wearing his clothes,” he snarked “You fucking any guy that lives next to you now?“

Smack!

You slapped him hard. So hard he had a red imprint on his cheek. You waited for a second for him to open his mouth as an excuse to slap his other cheek again. Andy pulled you back now, “Sweetheart it’s not worth it. It’s okay.”

“You don’t even know anything about him Y/N,” he straightened up himself. “I may be a cheater, but I am not born a murderer.”

Andy left his grip from your arms, feeling him slowly move away inside your house.

“What?”

"Did you know his father in jail? Bloody Billy Barber? For murdering a girl?”

You felt your heart feeling heavy. “N-no.”

“Oh jolly, good luck processing that! By the way, Sasha my girlfriend and I are going on a vacation for a couple of weeks so, Nikolai will not be coming- “

You weren’t listening to him because you shut the door on his face. You slowly processed what you had heard. You never pressed Andy because you respected his choice. His words. 

“Is this true Andy?” 

You earned a small nod from his burried face in his own hands.

How could you forget? It was one of your best nights. You never doubted him and even after hearing this, you really didnt.

You both were really drunk that night (every night of the week actually), rolling on the bed with each other naked. "I have a lot more skeletons in my closet than you think Y/N.”

“Have you cheated on anyone?”

“No”

“Have you stolen monies?”

“No, you silly” “Have you killed anyone?” Andy giggled and said “No!“ He smacked your forehead. "Then consider that closet empty. I like you, this Andy Barber, not the Newton County’s DA. The hot swimming instructor who hates Speedos and loves backrubs.” By the time you could process this information, Andy got up and gently grabbed you by your shoulders, his watery eyes doing no job of his distress. “Andy listen to me okay. Wait-” “I wanna stay alone for a couple of days okay? I want to apologize if I feel like I’m abandoning you. I-I am not though…” “Bubba we can talk about this.” You pleaded him, cupping his cheek. “Just talk to me bubba please.” “No, I don’t think so Y/N. I can order take out okay. Don’t wait for dinner night for me. Thanks for last night. I’ll never forget it.” He places a quick kiss on your forehead only to leave in a hurry. “I still like you okay.”

You wanted to cry. You wanted to scream. You didn’t like how this was going.

You processed it. Andy’s father was a murderer, not Andy himself.

If Andy wasn’t going to process that, you would do that for him too. 

You would do anything to get happiness in this man’s life now.

–

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[negasonicimagines]

Want U Back ; “A Resounding Yes” (1)

h request: Does “could we get an ellie x reader fic?? doesn't matter what it is, we just miss you!!” count? I guess “!??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?Could I request literally anything with angst and hurt/comfort!??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!!!!!?!?!!!!??!?!!?!?!!!!??!??!?!?!?!?!?!!?” fits, haha!

synopsis: Ellie knows she fucked up the second she sees Yukio’s lips on yours. She knows your relationship will never be the same, but can she still regain what she took for granted?

author’s note: hey! sorry for being the worst! Also, do you guys prefer the selectively-omniscient 2nd person POV, or the rigid 2nd person POV that sticks to the reader’s thoughts? I played with Yukio’s original backstory in this, let me know what you think! Just so y’all know, this is only divided up because it’s suuuuper long! I have more to write, but I still plan to finish it soon!

warnings: emotional cheating, break-up, unhealthy relationship (that gets fixed), angst, if there’s anything else let me know! Also, this isn’t really a trigger but this fic will explore a lot of Ellie’s flaws and features her being a Not Very Good Girlfriend in the beginning, so if you really don’t care for the idea of her being a sucky gf, you might wanna skip this one. Also, TROS spoilers

“What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?”

“You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” Yukio responds with a giggle. 

“Damn it!” Wade told you the joke that’s so bad it rounds back to good earlier, and the first person- after remembering Ellie would probably just glare at you, of course -you thought to tell was Yukio. 

“Wade told me that one, too,” she explains. 

“One of these days, I am going to beat him to a joke,” you declare, looking to the girl with a smile and cluelessly stealing her breath away.

Maybe she should give you a hint, she thinks. The two of you are close enough already, sitting together on the floor in her room making shrinky-dinks for earrings. She could just grab you and… 

Well, now she’s blushing, thinking of a lot more than just kissing you. 

“Hey, ‘Kio, did you hear me?” She didn’t respond to your next attempt, one of many this evening alone. 

“Hm?! Oh, no, I didn’t, sorry…”

“No worries,” you chirp, and after a few beats of silence, Yukio asks:

“Aren’t you gonna say what I missed?” 

“Oh, it was stupid, anyways.”

“No way,” Yukio argues. “Go ahead.”

“What do you call a donkey with a million eyes and a million legs?”

“Ooh, I haven’t heard this one. What?” The genuine curiosity; the hope for a clever answer… It’s a little too much to take without letting out even a snort, but you manage.

“A monster,” you say, in your most deadpan expression possible, which happens to be a stupid grin at Yukio’s chuckling.

The smile fades, but not completely- never completely, not when you’re around -before she leans in, just a little. But, you know what she wants. A part of you wants it, too. 

You put a finger to her lips, gently stopping her.

“I- I haven’t broken up with her, yet.”

“Yet?”

“You and I have been getting a lot more close. Even closer than before, which I didn’t even realize was possible, but too close for me to have a girlfriend who doesn’t know about it. And I… If I’m choosing, I’m choosing you. I should have before.”

“Before? Y/N, one of my favorite things about you is that you usually aren’t this vague,” Yukio remarks, and you scoff. 

“Can you blame me for being a bit nervous to confess that I’ve liked you as more than a friend for a long time? Like, ‘the only reason I even ended up with Ellie was because I really like both of you and she asked first’-a long time?”

“Not at all,” Yukio admits. “It’s getting kinda late, maybe you should head back… Do you want me to walk with you?”

“I’d rather she didn’t blow up on both of us,” you admit. Yukio’s your official roommate, but the potential for Ellie to level the house in her sleep has perks, including her own room. You sleep there, and your bed in Yukio’s room has been replaced with a futon. Guess it’s time to pack your bags. Should you start doing that before or after you tell her you’re leaving her for her other best friend?

“You’re doing it tonight?” She wonders, surprised as you scoop up the scrap plastic and throw it away. She picks up the scissors, and colored pencils while you put your markers back in their case. Tomorrow, the two of you can heat up your creations. 

“You’ve emboldened me… You usually do,” you tell her. She makes you feel like an equal when you’re together, and since she’s pretty damn great, your self-esteem gets quite the boost. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” Yukio replies, blushing. 

“I sure hope not,” you tell her in lieu of a goodbye, and once the door is shut behind you, Yukio squeals in delight. 

As you head to Ellie’s room, the nervousness in your stomach starts to boil. You knock. 

“Y/N?” she questions. 

“Yeah.”

“Come in.” 

You enter awkwardly, but she doesn’t seem to notice the way you fiddle with the door to make sure it closes perfectly quiet, after that one time she got onto you for closing it too loudly. 

“Why do you even knock, anyway?”

“Just wanna respect your privacy. It’s your room.”

“I’d say it’s yours, too, but you don’t really spend a lot of time here anymore.”

“Never thought I’d see the day you were passive-aggressive,” you remark. Normally something like that would be teasing, but now it just feels biting, to both of you.

“I guess you could say love changed me,” Ellie retorts. Love. As if she loved you. The only sign she might is when she mumbles the words back to you. She never says it first, never holds you without you asking, only really kisses you when she wants to-

“I was just hanging out with Yukio,” you admit, snapping out of it. 

“Maybe she should be your girlfriend instead, since you like spending so much time with her.”

You know she’s probably just hurt, or jealous, or… Well, that’s irrelevant. It’d be a fair criticism if she wasn’t such a bitch about it. 

You take your chance: “Maybe she should.” 

And then you grab your go bag from the closet, as well as your other suitcases, the ones you used to move your things here in the first place. You start packing.

“Wait, what? What the fuck are you doing?”

“I said, ‘Maybe she should.’ As in, maybe this relationship has run its course and I’m better off with someone else.”

Ellie blinks. That’s a first, she usually doesn’t allow herself to be phased by the things you or anyone else says. 

“Well, let me clarify for you. That maybe is a resounding fucking ‘yes,’” she retaliates. Ah, that’s what it was. She wasn’t bothered in the least, she just needed time to come up with a good comeback. That’s your Ellie… Well, not anymore. 

It feels like it takes longer than it does, but eventually your things are all tucked away in your bags. 

“You’re not gonna take Gerard?”

“Why would I? You got him for me,” you tell her in lieu of a goodbye, heading back to Yukio’s. 

She opens the door before you even knock, but seems surprised to see you there. 

“I was worried she might try to chase you down,” she explains before you even ask, ushering you in. She takes your bags and sets them down on the futon. 

“As if she’d ever fight for me,” you assure her, but it just puts a frown on her face. She’s already wearing pajamas, so you figure you should change into yours. 

You swiftly do so, not even bothering to tuck yourself away in the bathroom. After all, the two of you have changed in front of each other countless times. 

Yukio’s stunned expression implies this time might be a little bit different, though. You can’t help the twitch of a smirk that graces your lips before you do head to the bathroom, taking the contents of one of the external pockets of your suitcases with you and completing your nighttime routine. 

“Can I kiss you, now?” Yukio asks as soon as you reach her. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, and she asks the question like she’s asked it a million times and you’ve said no to every single request. You realize that maybe she has asked, in some subtle ways. A hand on yours to comfort you, a longing look in her eyes when you turn away… Maybe she’s been asking you to kiss her all this time, and you just didn’t see it. 

That maybe is a resounding fucking yes, you remember Ellie’s words from before.  

You lower yourself and press your lips to hers. She freezes in surprise before responding, tangling her fingers into your hair and you can feel in every motion how badly she wants this, wants you, like no one ever has, or at least not in a way they’ve communicated. Yukio kisses you like she loves you; she loves you. You smile into the kiss and she pulls away to see it, to see you.  “Wow…” you both sigh, before giggling. 

“Are you sure this isn’t too soon?” Yukio wonders. The fact that she cares to ask is enough to send the butterflies already in your stomach into a fluttering frenzy.  

“You of all people should know that relationship was over before I went to that room this evening,” you remind her. “That this one started before I kissed you, even.” 

You do feel a bit guilty about that part, but it just… Happened. Yukio was there when Ellie stopped being there, bored of you but unsure how to say it, you’re sure. 

Yukio nods, kissing you this time. It’s gentle, she’s gentle, but it’s still loaded with all the feelings you’ve been too ashamed to express these past few weeks.Yes, all of them. You pull away while you can still stop yourself, and nearly topple over with nerves. Yukio pulls you onto the bed before turning the lamp on and afterwards clapping to turn the lights off. 

“That’s new,” you note, still a bit breathless. “Hope you don’t mind me being a tease, but it is a little too soon for that.”

“You’re not a tease. We did what we were both comfortable with. If you’re not ready, neither of us are. Did you and Ellie ever…?”

“Oh, um, yeah. A lot.”

“Right, I guess I should’ve figured that out when you stopped complaining about being a virgin,” Yukio chuckles. 

“So, now we just… Sleep?” You wonder.

“I guess so, but…” The two of you meet eyes. Despite the agreement that you shouldn’t go farther than kissing, there’s still excitement buzzing in the air from the “new” relationship. 

“You can go ahead and transform, if you want. Might help you get in a sleepy mood.”

“Transf-? Oh, right… I don’t really do that anymore, not when I’m sleeping.”

“Why not? You told me it makes you feel safer.”

“Takes up too much space on the bed,” you mumble. “Plus, what if I accidentally claw something up in my sleep?”

“Did- Did Ellie say those things to you?”

Yukio is a sweet girl, but not nearly as bubbly and innocent as she pretends to be. There’s a dark side to her, one just like yours. 

“Yeah, but… You’re probably taking it a lot more serious than she meant it. She’s not like us, Yukes. She has normal parents, went to a normal school before all this. Doesn’t understand.”

“Doesn’t try to,” Yukio complains. “Would it help if I said it makes me feel safer?”

You give a noiseless chuckle. 

“I mean it. Think about it, wouldn’t you feel safer with a guard leopard sleeping next to you? A mamushi curled around your arm ready to strike any intruder?”

“I guess you’re right. Couldn’t you just Rey Palpatine the shit out of anyone who tries to attack us, though?”

“Remind me of that travesty of a movie again and you’ll have to worry about being Rey Palpatine’d yourself. But, uh, yeah, of course I’m right. And Ellie’s more of an idiot than I thought she was,” Yukio says, and you can see her adorably smug smile shining bright in the moonlight. 

“Hey! She’s still our friend!” 

“Yeah, once she gets over me stealing you,” your new- oh, wait, you should probably ask what you are, you realize -remarks.

“Something tells me you’ll figure out soon that there isn’t much to get over. Uh… What are we, now?”

“I’d be honored to call you my girlfriend,” Yukio tells you. “Now, will you please transform into a cute creature for me to cuddle?”

“Didn’t think you were this much of an animal-lover, Yuks,” you remark. 

“I’m a you-lo…” She trails off, realizing what she was saying. “-ver.”

You slip under the covers to strip back down, afterwards beginning the transition. You feel your hands shift into paws, feel even the barely visible hairs on your skin thicken and darken as the features of your face shift and contort into something else entirely. You pop your head back up and Yukio laughs, smoothing the ruffled fur on your head and face. 

“You are so beautiful,” she tells you. You’d thank her, but it’s a waste of energy. You were taught how to push your thoughts into the minds of others like speech by some of the most powerful telepaths ever, but as you have no more psychic energy than even a non-mutant, it’s tiring to use that ability; therefore, any other form of communication is preferable.

You choose to nuzzle her hand, and she’s grinning ear to ear. It’s not every day she gets a real-life teddy bear, well, before now. You’d be happy to do this every day, though you might get bored of the bear aspect.

Yukio bear-hugs your neck, pulling you close. You really do feel more relaxed, tired from the transformation and comforted by her embrace. You give a low grumble, nervous to fall asleep on top of her, even a little bit. She looks inquisitive before seeing your point and releasing you so that you can lay back. You turn over, and she spoons you, nuzzling her cheek against your new fur. 

Your eyes slip shut, and your breathing slows to match hers as the two of you fall asleep.

[angelicorn]

FFVII Remake Analysis Chapter 1 (2/2)

Continuing from this analysis.

Before Cloud can explain to Jessie his relationship with Tifa, the elevator arrives and Barret shoves him aside to enter. The matter of Tifa is left in the air and we don’t get any info about her from any of the characters. Cloud reverts back to hardened and closed off body language—he crosses his arms and stands noticeably a distance away from Barret and Jessie in the elevator.

In the next scene, we learn that their group is called Avalanche and that there have been assassination attempts on an old man’s life—we can assume the old man is some executive or president of whatever company is responsible for the construction and maintenance of the reactors supply power to the city. Whether Avalanche was responsible for the assassination attempt is unknown.

Barret makes an elaborate speech in the elevator about the planet being sucked up dry by these reactors. We learn they’re a group of extreme environmental activists. Cloud was a part of SOLDIER who is closely affiliated to the company in charge of the reactors and he was hired to help Avalanche infiltrate and destroy one of the reactors.

Regardless of Barret’s distrust and attitude towards Cloud, he’s still out here giving a recruitment speech. Jessie’s probably heard it many times. She shrugs when Cloud looks at her, and then as Barret grows more passionate, evident by the increasingly volume on his voice, Jessie covers her ear.

As the player—man, do we have respect for a guy who’s passionate about a cause—Barret actually cares about the planet, what a softie. And while he may not actually approve of Cloud, he still gives Cloud the chance to decide to join their cause. Ofc, in typical Cloud fashion, he rebuffs Barret, but the emotional distance seems to lessen. Back when Barret said “we can’t afford any more mistakes,” he included Cloud in that “we” and from that point on, they work as together as a team, with the rally talk in the elevator serving as some form of initiation.

Cloud leaves the elevator, Barret basically warns him no funny business or he’s dead, and a few moments after that, we see this:

How very touching—and from this moment on, the players begin to grow emotionally invested in this group.

Their cutscene banter and battle dialogue with one another grows on the player. Tsundere 1 and 2 is a force to be reckoned with. Together, they’re exhausting, yet entertaining, and that adds more charm to their dynamic. The game pushes you to play as Barret for the hard to reach enemies where long ranged fighters are more efficient to use and the switching of characters in combat adds a sense of camaraderie.

The way this game flows really makes us fall in love with the characters while also feeding us the narrative by showing us rather than blatantly telling us, which isn’t quite as obvious, but makes for a charming and unforgettable gaming experience, is amazing!

Barret and Cloud head down to where they’re supposed to plant the bomb, leaving Jessie a safe distance behind. Tifa’s name is mentioned again.

Tifa—who the player hasn’t officially met yet—seems to be in good standing with this group, after all, Tifa gets the player (Cloud) a job with Avalanche despite his status as an ex-SOLDIER, and is able to convince hard ass Barret to hire him for this mission. This piece of dialogue is interesting as it not only causes us to feel the pressure of trying to live up to one person’s expectations, but two. Barret wants Cloud to prove himself not only to him, but in a way, to Tifa as well. And from the way Cloud reacted to Jessie’s question about him and Tifa being close, Barret dropped Tifa’s name here for a reason. He knows Tifa is someone important to Cloud.

As the player, we feel indebted to this childhood friend who talked the player character up to such a hard ass. We don’t want to let her down by doing a half-ass job, do we?

However, in typical Cloud fashion, he reiterates that he isn’t one of them and that he’s only in it for the money.

Minus brownie points from Barret. He angrily tells Cloud to finish the job and we watch Cloud set the bomb with annoyance. However, this event triggers another headache with flashes/visions of something ominous. This leaves us wondering just what exactly happened during his time with SOLDIER that is triggering these flashes and headaches.

Cloud sets the bomb and we are given our first choice. 20 minutes or 30. Either choice gives us a wise crack from Barret, which is typical and expected, but entertaining to hear. Cloud senses danger approaching and Barret takes Cloud’s hesitation as betrayal—which isn’t unreasonable. Barret was likely wary of Cloud from the start.

Cloud and Barret end up fighting a weaponized, mechanical scorpion and, after all the battle banter, they win and head for the exit.

Amidst their escape, Cloud manages to rescue Jessie, who, for new players who are unfamiliar with the FFVII compilation, gives us an impression of a possible love interest, however the dialogue between the two is a little...questionable? Jessie flirts, Cloud doesn’t react. At one point, during the escape, he tells her to shut up and climb. This leaves us with the impression that maybe he isn’t really interested. But we must play on to find out more. And, while Cloud may not be showing much interest, the players certainly have the autonomy to like her as much as they want.

We come across a short scene where Barret tells Jessie to go on ahead and not to worry about him because he’s got Cloud with him. Although he uses SOLDIER boy in place of Cloud’s name, we can sense an increase in trust from Barret’s end. Cloud corrects Barret by saying that he’s an Ex-SOLDIER boy, verbally disgarding the SOLDIER title and stepping into a role that Barret & co. can depend on to do the job.

Cloud and Barret make it into the elevator and the bomb explodes, but the damage is minimal, perhaps just enough to cause the reactor to stop working. However, we see Heidegger and the old man make the decision to destroy the reactor. The weapons inside destroy themselves and everything in it, causing the building to crumble. But why’d he choose to destroy his own reactor? What kind of plan is up his sleeve by doing so?

Barret is noticeably distressed in the elevator, but upon seeing how calm Cloud is, Barret tries to settle himself down. Imitation is a form of flattery. Perhaps Barret is learning a thing or two from our favorite merc?

Cloud saves Jessie one more time, does an awesome hero jump and they escape before the reactor blows up on itself, cutting power out from the city.

Chapter 1 is over and we can’t help but agree with Jessie when she says:

Information we learned this chapter:

Barret, Biggs, Wedge and Jessie are a part of an environmentalist group called Avalanche.

Cloud former SOLDIER turned merc who is helping Avalanche infiltrate a reactor owned by his former employer.

This reactor supplies energy to the city.

The reactors are bleeding the planet dry and Avalanche is trying to stop that.

Tifa is someone from Cloud’s childhood who got him a gig working for Avalanche.

Tifa is also someone important to Cloud evident by Jessie’s question about her, the flashback, and Barret’s mention of her name during a crucial part of the mission where Cloud must prove himself.

Genuine questions we’re left with after playing Chapter 1:

Why did Cloud leave SOLDIER?

Why does he get triggered with flashbacks and painful headaches?

What is Tifa’s relationship with Avalanche?

Who is the girl in pink that we see in the intro and when do we meet her?

Who is that old man and why was there an assassination attempt on him?

What will happen to the people in the city?

Why is Cloud so aloof and cold to the people around him?

Is Barret cool with Cloud now or...?

Is Jessie into Cloud? (lol)

Is Biggs into Jessie? (lol)

Is Cloud into Tifa? (lol)

Final thoughts:

After playing chapter 1, from a new player standpoint, we can recognize that the game uses rhetorical appeals to convince us to feel and think in certain ways:

Cloud seems like an unreliable narrator. Now, I understand that this is a game and Cloud wouldn’t be considered a typical narrator or the story, but since we are taking control of his character and playing as him, we are experiencing this story through his perspective, which makes him a special kind of unreliable narrator. He withholds information, like when he tells Barret he’s fine even after experiencing a headache and weird flashback/vision. he hesitated to explain his relationship with Tifa when he has a flashback of her, he doesn’t have Barret’s full trust, he left his former employer and typically sides with the enemy, even if it’s just a one time gig. We don’t know much about Cloud Strife, but based on his interactions with the other characters so far, he’s hiding things about himself from others and from the audience. The game plays out to make us question Cloud’s credibility as the protagonist and makes us examine the story on a deeper level (character interactions, music, quests, etc.) to help us come to our own conclusions.

I love this style of storytelling as it leaves room for our interpretations and for us to explore the story through other characters besides the main character, through flashbacks, through quests, npc conversations, etc.

[formerlyrunephoenix6769]

Catra: Journey to Redemption.

(Long post and spoilers for Season 1 SPOP)

In the run up to the release of ‘She-Ra: Princesses of Power.’ season 2 on April 26th 2019, I have been seeing lots of posts about our resident, ‘misguided; villain and all around badass who knows damn well how to rock a suit. 

Yes, of course, I am talking about Catra!

The nature of the posts I have been seeing have all had a similar vein or sentiment. 

“Give Catra her redemption arc.”  or  “Start Catra’s redemption arc.” 

I am just as hopeful as the the next person for Catra to have a redemption arc, if that is in fact what Noelle Stevenson and the rest of the team have planned for the character. But one thing I will say, is ‘patience’ and a small warning to be prepared,  

Catra is going to get much worse before she can even begin to get better! 

Catra could not possibly even begin to start on a path of redemption by the end of S2 because at the end of S1, she hasnt even begun to explore the full depths of her villainy.  (Being we dont know exactly how many seasons are planned, or what the overall narrative end goal is when it comes to the final conflict and Good triumphing over Evil, much of this is speculative. 

We can however use Avatar Last Airbender and the industry standard of best Redemption Arc ever, in all mediums, Zuko, and their timeline, which I think Noelle Stevenson said in an interview that if a redemption arc was to occur, that they would like to do something that could stand next to Zuko’s redemption arc. 

I will also be using Joseph Campbell’s Hero With a Thousand Faces, and his hero’s journey map as a resource but try implement it for villains)  

If you would like to take a look at my thoughts on redemption arcs in general the feel free to check out the link below. 

https://formerlyrunephoenix6769.tumblr.com/post/182640410231/are-all-villains-redeemable

I’ll be covering similar sentiments here. 

Ok first. 

TIMELINE:. 

ATLAB is only 3 BOOKs long, however the number of episodes, 61 over all, containing 20 minimum in each Book is far more than SPOP’s standard 13, meaning that technically Zuko’s redemption arc played out over just under 6 SPOP seasons, meaning that Zuko’s penultimate episodes, detrimental to his redemption arc, ‘Blue Spirit’ episode 13 in Book 1 and ‘Zuko Alone’  Episode 7 of Book 2, didnt technically take place until till the end of season 1 and half way through season 3 ... going off an SPOP standard time. 

Meaning there was over a season and a half between Zuko doing something right for the wrong reasons and also then moving off to really begin the start of his redemption arc in earnest, which he continues to struggle with right the way into Book 3 ( season 5/6)  

The difference here, I would also like to point out is that Zuko at the very beginning of ATLAB is already technically way ahead of Catra due to him being physically away from his ‘abuser’ and direct control of the life long indoctrination. He also has one up on Catra at this point as he has a ‘Mentor/Guide’ helping to facilitate the transition and help him see the error of his ways.

Technically, this puts Zuko’s character development on the road to redemption (OTRTR)  at least ONE season ahead of Catra. Meaning that his moment of ‘doing something right for the wrong reasons’ in ‘Zuko Alone.’ does not take place until at least the end of season 2, SPOP standard time! 

In other words... 

It's going to take some time for a pussy riot to manifest.

Taking this into account. 

SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES. 

We can not continue without addressing the fact that there are many similarities and differences between the supposed ‘villains’. 

Both were the Scape Goat to a favoured Golden Child yet their interactions with the ‘Gold Child’ are vastly different. 

For Zuko, Azula was an antagonist. For Catra, Adora was an ally. 

Both suffered abuse from their primary caregiver, both were belittled and chastised for supposedly being ‘lesser’. However the fundamental difference is their reactions, Zuko continued to attempt to receive his Father’s favour, whilst Catra, on the surface didn't care, resulting in acting rebelliously. 

Both have issues surrounding self worth and how they express it is vastly different. 

Zuko is hugely unaware of his ‘Empire’s’ indoctrination and the imperialistic rule, believing the propaganda he was raised with. 

Whilst Catra is fully aware of the Horde and its intentions. 

And I think this is worthy of note!

Their ‘villainy’ and motivations are seated in entirely different places. 

Zuko starts out  wishing to ‘reclaim his honour’, prove his worth in his father’s eyes, and reclaim his birthright as the heir to the Fire Nation throne, in the words of his sister,

  It is only as he travels over the next SPOP SDT, 4 seasons that he realises his true purpose. 

Catra, is aware the Horde is evil, is given an opportunity to leave, but chooses not to, instead she willingly sets herself on a dark path to gain power and prove her self worth to everyone around her, esp her abuser, step mom of the year, Shadow Weaver,

Thus setting up the whole shenanigans of SPOP season 1.  

CONFLICT. 

As I covered in my previous post in the link above, a redemption arc cannot occur without showing that the ‘villain’ is conflicted. 

A redemption should be a slow burn, from starting point of why/how they are villains,  also showing the seeds of discontent, inner conflict, conflict of their actions, conflict of their ideals,  whether indoctrinated/learned/or their own misguided musings, then later a larger amount of focus should be placed on how they have overcome that villainy and change of perspective culminating with coming full circle.

What makes Zuko’s particular redemption arc so good is the work that goes into showing this. The time, the attention to detail, not being shied away from by the writers, that  intentionally trickles down and infuses with the character’s essence of being. 

Yes, Catra is conflicted about her relationship with Adora and what Adora means to her. 

This conflict about her and Adora’s relationship was partially resolved with Catra taking Adora’s motivations the wrong way, due to her own issues surrounding her self worth. 

This ‘resolution’ only serves to push Catra further down the a dark path.

But we have yet to see Catra conflicted about her actions and dont expect to see that happen until after we see her fully embrace her villainy, which by the end of S1, she was nowhere near close to doing. (See Triggers and Turning points)

Meaning that “Catra Alone”  might not even occur until midway S3  and actual beginnings of feeling conflicted about her actions, until S4.  

TRIGGER A TURNING POINT.

So we have discussed conflict. Conflict about ones actions can come about in many different forms, but it must be triggered by something that is enough to shake the core foundations of a villains motivations. 

In order for it to be believable and carry weight, a villain cannot  suddenly overnight go, 

 And the protagonists accept it at face value, as the audience wont.  

 A redemption should be a slow burn, from starting point of why/how they are villains and most importantly,  focus on how they have struggled to overcome that villainy and change their perspective. 

The link below is to a previous post, with an avenue of thought of what could trigger Catra on ONRTR.

https://formerlyrunephoenix6769.tumblr.com/post/182601000156/catra-could-she-be-a-lost-princess-and-if-so

Another avenue of thought is that Adora is gravely injured. I am not normally one for such an easy and over done trope but in this instance it is highly possible, because as it stands now, Catra has never nastily physically injured Adora, only She-Ra! 

(When she raked her darn claws down She-Ra’s back. Showing that Catra see’s a difference between to two personalities and isn't as of yet willing to cross that line... Maybe crossing that line will be a stepping stone to embracing her chosen darker path?) 

In fact, Catra has gone out of her way to avoid just that, much preferring to go after Adora emotionally.  

FALLING INTO OLD PATTERNS:

Even after ‘Zuko Alone’ and the Ba Sing Say arc, Zuko begins on a false start redemption by bonding with Katara but by the next episode falls back into old patterns by choosing to side with Azula as the ties that bind and the potential to reclaim his birthright is too hard to ignore. 

Which is totally normal for a teenager. 

This adds so much depth to his inner conflict, a catalyst that later cements his realisation at his true purpose, ushering him through the gates of his redemption arc, towards trying to make amends with the protagonists before they can accept him.   

Catra strikes me as someone who will never be wholly ‘good’, in the sense of the word when it is applied to Bow, Glimmer or Adora, but rather someone who will make super dark comments and morally grey suggestions of how to deal with an issue, which is what we have been shown of her from the very beginning. 

It is hard to say is Catra will ever have this step in a redemption arc due to her already morally grey nature, this could very well be skipped over entirely. 

Narratively speaking and characterization wise, this particular part of an arc could present itself not as a ‘false start’ but could come from ‘Subterfuge and infiltration’ , whereby Catra pretends to come to their side only for her to betray them later, for her own ends. 

OR, 

We could very well have a ‘false start’, where she is trapped with any of the protagonists and they need to work together to escape, similar to the aptly named  ATLAB ep 40 ‘The Crossroads of Destiny’ and SPOPS s1e9 ‘Promise’, which would be a nice mirror, from a narrative standpoint, only for her to run off and return to the Horde once free. 

Again note, that this false start occured for Zuko the very end of S3 SPOP SDT. 

CONCLUSIONS.

Before Catra’s Redemption arc can come to fruition , we need her to go on her journey. Something akin to this, but for villains. 

On this map, if Resurrection is Catra being genuinely accepted by the protagonists as being changed and truly on their side.  I would see Catra as in between Meeting of Mentor (Hordak) and Crossing the Threshold into full blown villany 

So, we need to see her, 

1) Become a true villain. 

2) 1st Trigger.

3) baby Conflict

4)False start, falling into old patterns

5) 2nd Trigger

6)Conflict and Realisation/ (Seizing the Treasure) 

7) Through the Gates 

8) Trial of Proof.

9) Acceptance/Resurrection. 

We could be waiting for some time for a Catra redemption arc to kick in, and please dont be disappointed or frothing at the mouth if we dont see it starting in Season 2... No matter how much you want it out of the way so that ‘other’ things can occur.. 

Please keep in mind.. 

A good Redemption Arc has to be earned! And doing it well takes time!

MEANWHILE  ...

There is ALL OF THIS.... 

I dont even know where to begin starting to unwrap all this tension and awkwardness., 

Think I’m going to leave that for a an entirely different post.

[precuredaily]

Precure Day 120

Episode: Futari wa Precure Splash Star 22 - “Super Surprising! Michiru and Kaoru’s Shocking Confession!!” Date watched: 11 May 2019 Original air date: 9 July 2006 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/5PEq8nL Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

Before we begin, would anyone like to go on a feels trip?

If you hear the sound of gross sobbing in the background while reading this review, don’t worry it’s just me. Michiru and Kaoru are talking with Gohyaan and Akudaikaan about their failure the previous episode. Akudaikaan loses his temper, lashing out at all in the room and reminding M and K with no uncertainty exactly what their purpose is. He warns them not to hinder his ambitions ever again and they hastily leave. While they stand on Gourd Rock to ruminate some, Gohyaan appears and taunts them some more about their closeness with Precure. He reminds them that if they defeat the heroines, all their problems will be solved.

The next day at school, Mai is quiet and ponderous because she believes the Kiryuus might be from Dark Fall, but she tries to dismiss this notion. The sisters show up and repeatedly flare up their powers, causing Flappi to scream at the burst in dark energy at inconvenient moments (like the middle of a test).

evil eyes: on

Saki and Mai try to talk to the fairies in the hallway, but the sisters appear and Mai hurries off. Saki tells Kaoru that Minori wants to hang out with her again, and asks Michiru to tutor her in math. Their faces soften and they both agree to these things. Then she invites them out to the Sky Tree after school. The sisters go outside and Kaoru reminds her sister that if they wait to defeat Precure, their frustrations might return, but Minori shows up before they can do anything. She is super excited to see Kaoru and explains that she and her mother are there on a delivery to the school, so they may as well go watch Saki’s practice.

a wild Minori appears

They head behind the school near the practice fields, and Mai walks out of the building, notices the three of them, and tucks away to see what’s going on. A stray softball is coming right at Minori’s head, and Kaoru quickly makes it disappear. Mai notices this but before she can say anything, Minori notices her and Saki comes up, asking about the ball. Michiru and Kaoru deny any knowledge, so Saki shrugs it off and invites all of her friends to the Sky Tree while Minori heads off to find her mother again. 

When they get there, she instructs all of them to squish themselves against the tree, and feel the calming and positive energy it exudes.

literal tree huggers

Michiru and Kaoru reminisce about the good times they’ve had in the land of greenery, as well as remembering the threat of Akudaikaan. (see the full video at the top) After questioning why she brought them here, Saki says that it’s where she met all of them, so it seems like a special place, and then continues “Do I really need a reason to invite my friends to the Sky Tree?” This surprises the sisters as they’ve never thought of themselves as friends before. They seem genuinely happy for a moment before they remember they’ve got a mission. They clench their fists and this causes Flappi and Choppi to go crazy, so Mai and Saki quickly excuse themselves to talk. Mai tries to explain to Saki that she thinks the siblings are from Dark Fall but the fairies keep interrupting, and Kaoru insists to Michiru that they have to do this. It’s clearly hard for both of them, but they insist to each other that they are proud warriors of Dark Fall, and they prepare their attack.

the absolute anguish

Saki and Mai feel the intense dark energy approaching them and transform before they can even learn who their opponent is.... and so the reveal is that much more dramatic. But the twins do show themselves this time, and there’s no turning back. Bloom is shocked, Egret is more dejected that her hunch was right.

and look at this gorgeous shot. (textless version in the gallery)

Bloom insists that they don’t have to fight, but the Kiryuus insist that they’re from different worlds, and their only purpose for existing is to destroy the Precures and enact Akudaikaan’s will, so they attack. Bloom and Egret block, but refuse to fight back, which angers Michiru and Kaoru. They exchange ideals with the cures, who maintain that they can still be friends, but the twins retaliate that, as all life comes to an end eventually, their vision of a world of ruin, with no life at all, is actually ideal. Egret retaliates by asking Kaoru why she saved Minori earlier that day, and both cures remind them of the nice things they’ve done and promised they’d continue to do, to prove that they’re not truly evil. Saki insists that they’re all friends before they’re warriors, either of peace or of Dark Fall, and she refuses to fight her friends. The speech seems to be working, you can see that Michiru and Kaoru are being swayed, but they are still too afraid of the consequences of failure and double down on their words, before leaping into the air and diving towards the Precures, as the scene freezes and the credits begin to play.

Here we are, at the emotional peak of the journey of Michiru and Kaoru. All the cards are out on the table and they have made the choice (under duress) to put aside their personal feelings and emotional attachments and fight Saki and Mai. I honestly think this hurts them more than the Precures, because deep down, they don’t want to do this, and as much as they try to bury their feelings, they can’t help but to bleed through. There’s a clear hesitation that wasn’t there when they debuted, and they barely hide their emotional attachments to Saki and Mai. They no longer call each other out for helping, making connections, and otherwise getting involved in the lives of the heroines. They hype themselves into fighting, and maintain that they have a responsibility to Akudaikaan even when it’s clear that this goal differs from their desires. They take pause at Saki and Mai’s rejections of their fate and insistence that they’re still friends. They don’t want to do this, but they feel like they have no choice.

Normally, Michiru wears the mask and puts on the act of being friendly to the humans but secretly dismissing them, while Kaoru is more straightforward about her feelings, good or bad. It’s because of this difference in personality that Kaoru is the first one to insist that they drop all pretenses at the Sky Tree and defeat Saki and Mai, while Michiru is initially reluctant (and borderline crying).

seeing them display this kind of emotion would have been unfathomable a few weeks ago

She knows their mission deep down, but she’s allowed her friendly persona to become part of her, and she doesn’t want to fight them. At the same time, Kaoru reminds her that there’s no choice. Regardless of their feelings, they will always be warriors of Dark Fall and that’s the duty they have to fulfill. I don’t want this to read as though Kaoru simply doesn’t care, though. Arguably, she cares even more, but because she doesn’t hide her true self as much as her sister, she is better equipped to see the options in front of them: they cannot keep dodging this matter, they have to confront Saki and Mai and admit that they’re from Dark Fall. If they don’t, Akudaikaan will destroy them himself. Neither of them thinks that their friends will be accepting of their identities, because they come from the side that has been trying to destroy them and everything they care about so how could they possibly remain friends? It’s kill or be killed, so Michiru and Kaoru choose to take a stand for their lives rather than their true principles. However, Bloom and Egret’s refusal to engage and fight back does start to sway them. Mai calls out their hypocrisy particularly well:

The villains are given pause by this, for a moment they falter and lower their guard. Mai has seen through their facade, and wants them to realize the truth they’re denying about themselves. It almost works, but when Saki calls them their “friends,” that triggers a response. That level of intimacy is still too uncomfortable to them, they won’t allow themselves to become close to anybody but each other, and this challenge to their core beliefs makes them retaliate. They reiterate that they were created, given life, for only one purpose: to serve Dark Fall. If they aren’t enacting Akudaikaan’s will, they are betraying that purpose, and don’t deserve to even exist at all.  So they fight back, out of fear and loyalty. The villains who fight against their own hearts, and the heroines who refuse to fight because of theirs. What will be the outcome of this clash of ideals? Find out in the next review.

There is one bit of symbolism involving Michiru and Kaoru that I only just realized this episode, and I am furious at myself for not catching it sooner, with how much I’ve talked about other symbolism involving them:

If you’re standing in the teacher’s position, Kaoru sits in the back left corner, Michiru in the seat ahead of her, Mai sits in the back right corner, and Saki sits in front of Mai. Their positions mirror each other, in much the same way as Michiru and Kaoru are mirrors of Saki and Mai. If I were to read further into it, Saki and Mai sit by the window (the light) while the Kiryuus are furthest from the sun’s light, representing their dark nature. I do not know if there’s some Japanese mythology, folklore, or superstition about what side of the room you sit on, beyond the obvious anime trope that the second-from-the-back on the left is the Main Character Seat so they can stare out the window.

Before I wrap up, have some truly sincere Michiru and Kaoru expressions:

The next review will either be tomorrow, or in a week. I want to do some comparing and contrasting with Kiriya’s arc in FWPC, but I don’t think I’ll have a lot of free time tomorrow to write, and as I mentioned, I’ll be on a road trip for a few days. Hopefully I’ll be able to jot something down, I want to wrap up the Kiryuu arc before the trip so I can start into the back half of the show when I return. We’ll see where the wind blows. Whenever the review comes, look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 0 Zekkouchou Nari!

Miracle Drop Count: 1

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

House Rules

Part 9

So Flu realized quick that he wasn't getting into her room and immediately started his back up plan setting up his cameras. He's practiced that's why he was so quick.. Erik, like all y'all wants blood. Y/N is still at Erik's house and that's where we are. Also, I'm trying something new. Tagging in the replies so bare with me. Didn't work out.

Warnings: Graphic violence ahead.

Part 10: Killmonger

Swift tagged along with Rell and Erik and they rolled pass Flu's identified apartment. According to the activity lifted from his phone's GPS signal, he was on the move and fast which meant he'd gotten Erik's clear threat. They followed his trail to the bank where they found him waiting behind a red truck in a grey Mitsubishi RVR at the ATM's drive thru.

"He's trying to run," Rell mumbled, eyes fixed on Flu in his vehicle. Neither of them were letting that happen.

"What a dumbass. He doesn't know we can track this. Nigga.. we see you," Swift scoffed parking the car. Any use of his credit card or phone they'd automatically see. Any call he made, they'd hear. Erik had Flu's bank account numbers, social security number, address, emails, messages.. and he planned to wire all the nigga's money to an account for the three of them to split evenly. After all, he wouldn't be needing it anymore. Just then, the red truck left and it was Flu's turn at the ATM.

"I'm going," Erik said sliding his gun into the band of his shorts. Cautious not to be spotted in Flu's rearview mirrors he crept casually but quickly to the SUV. Flu's window was down and the doors were unlocked as he leaned from the car to get closer to the kiosk. To Erik's joy, this allowed him to open the door quickly and slide into the passenger seat, aiming his gun smoothly at Flu's side. His face immediately snapped to the right, eyes widening in fearful recognition.

"Drive away," Erik commanded in a voice that was low but firm. Flu's hesitation made Erik press the cold metal barrel into his side ready to blow his kidney, sure that on camera it'd look like they were sitting there casually. Erik laughed quietly watching Flu's fear intensify. For all this nigga knew he was absolutely crazy, but Erik knew exactly what he was doing.

"Nigga, I'll shoot yo ugly ass right here if I have to and watch you bleed out. I said, Drive. Off." The smile on Erik's face never touched his dark eyes as the car rolled forward and made a turn pass a McDonald's before hopping on the main street.

"Drive home."

Erik's face turned to stone and the nigga was damn near shaking, nervously trying to catch the eye of any driver he passed. He was about as subtle as the bulky ass coat hook he put in Y/N's bathroom and still failed to draw the necessary attention.

"Gimme the phone." Erik snatched and pocketed the device, grabbing the keys before hopping out.

"Why don't you show me how you live, Shy'Dell." Erik jutted his chin toward the building and Flu shook his head regretfully, recognizing the familiar line he'd used on Y/N.

"I'm good." He averted his eyes like he had a choice and Erik had to remind himself that he was a professional. No, he couldn't shoot this nigga in broad daylight in front of the building. That'd be sloppy and anticlimactic.

"Walk yo stupid ass in the building," Erik bit back, palming the gun in his waistband. They took the elevator which rose slowly, Erik's narrowed eyes never leaving Flu and Flu's eyes looking anywhere but at Erik. Then in the hall, Flu turned.. his hands raised in a peace offering.

"Look man.. Your girl?.. I don't even have anything on her. I ain't touch her. Nothi--"

"Nigga. Keep walking," Erik snapped, his lip twisting in disgust. He waited for Flu to turn and walk to the apartment on his own and Flu pulled out his house key, missing the keyhole on the first couple attempts due to the fact that his hands were shaking. His eyes darted to the staircase, but Erik silently dared him to attempt outrunning a bullet. With a finger on his trigger, Erik followed him inside ready for anything to pop off. There wasn't much there in terms of furniture.

"Sit," Erik waved his gun to one of the few folding chairs that sat in the nearly empty living room. The only other objects in the room were a tv and an air mattress, dicey as hell. "Where's your second location? This ain't it."

"My what? I don--"

"If you like your brain inside your skull you'll speak the fuck up." Flu looked to be genuinely clueless and Erik was amazed. If he didn't already know this nigga was a bold liar, he may have believed him.

"Keep this up, your mama finna get a copy of every video you ever made."

"This all I have man I swear on my mama I don't have anything else!"

Erik sneered. Disrespectful ass nigga. Suddenly, his phone rang.

"We're over at the second apartment, I'm going through his shit now." Swift was in.

"The fuck?! Oh hell nah this nigga crazy as hell." Rell wasn't squeamish so it had to be some bullshit.

"This sick bastard, so many hours of him and women, I wouldn't be surprised if.. He is. He's been selling the footage online. Kill, this shit it graphic."

"Kill his pages and delete the footage. Anything you can trace, destroy it." Flu's expression sobered and Erik knew it was in that moment Flu realized he fucked up.

"Got it. And Kill.. Wait for us. Don't start until we get there, you get messy when it's personal. Thirty minutes."

Click.

"...That wasn't my place, I swear. This is the only pl--" SHMACK! The gun whipped across Flu's cheekbone, snapping it to the right and Erik rolled his shoulders.

"I-I didn't touch that girl, I swe--" SHMACK! The gun flew across Flu's other cheek with equal strength causing him to spit blood. No one said don't fuck him up a bit. It felt good.

"You gone stand there like you ain't as bad as me? Really?! Look at you right now. If I'm a monster then it takes one to know one," Flu spat.

"Maybe," he nodded. "You gone whoop ma ass about it? Gone 'head." He squatted, putting himself in swinging distance, but the man ain't move. "Yo bitch ass specifically happened to fuck with what's mine, that's where you lost."

Flu's face twitched. He obviously ain't like feeling powerless and mocked. He took a breath as if choosing his next words carefully, blood still painting his lip. His face was swelling and it was nowhere near the pain he deserved.

"Y/N. Why her?" It was the main question on Erik's mind. In a way, he already knew the answer, but he needed to hear it from the source.

"Ugh,” Flu groaned, “Damn.. I don't know, I guess she seemed lonely. I was drawn to her."

"Fuck this shit," Erik mumbled pushing the barrel of the gun directly against Flu's temple.

"Look. Dammit. She was naive and easy to manipulate. Is that what you wanna hear? She was an easy bitch and it woulda been dumb not to take advantage of something like that."

"Something..," Erik scoffs recalling the countless killers he'd known to use a similar logic, himself included. It made him sick to compare himself to the monster before him. "Yeah, it's real easy to categorize a person as a something. Makes it easier to hurt 'em when you can forget that they're people with their own shit to deal with in life. That way you can convince yourself they don't matter.."

"So you a therapist now? Is that how this works? How many people you kill like this? What about their lives?"

“Oh, I leave most of the people I kill their dignity when it ain’t personal. You though? Nah.”

For the rest of the time, they remained in silence, Erik shushing Flu whenever he tried to speak. Erik ain’t wanna hear shit else the nigga had to say. Finally, the apartment door opened and Flu sat there trying his damndest to look harmless.

"You can cut the shit, Shy'Dell, you know you're not leaving here alive. You never were."

“Kill, we brought the tools,” Swift called carrying a suitcase. Rell rolled a white tarpe out over the beige carpet earning a strong stare from Flu before he made a run for the door. Before he could get a second step away, a blade flew plunging into his leg. His knee buckled and a second blade hit his other leg taking him down to the ground.

“I think all the lies you be telling got yo ass confused, thinkin I don’t mean the shit I be saying.” Erik examined the clean machete Swift removed from the suitcase. This vendetta went beyond guns. “Get ya ass up and sit in the fuckin chair,” he growled, but Flu kept crawling like a roach toward the door. He had to pick the nigga up and sit him in the chair like a child while Swift and Rell stood back, looking on expressionless.

“All ya shit is gone nigga. Ya tapes, ya cameras, ya money. You ain’t got shit. You AIN’T shit. You finna die in this fuckin hellhole and for what? Was it worth it?”

“..........Maybe,” Flu spoke in his boldest move yet.

“See it’s weirdass niggas like this, I don’t claim. This some caucasian shit,” Rell said from behind, Swift verbally agreeing.

“Can y’all like.. shut the fuck up? I’m tryna murk this muhfucka,” Erik shrugged, but high-key he agreed. After gagging Flu and taping his mouth for good measure, he commanded him to strip down butt naked.

“No wonder you gets no play,” Swift deadpanned staring at the minidick Flu was packing. It was anticlimactic, Erik wanted to make a show of cutting the nigga dick off but wasn’t much there to begin with.

“Now I know how disappointed y’all be feelin,” Erik cracked causing Swift to lose it in a snickering fit. “..But then some of y’all still fuck anyway.. so I’m a chop this muhfucka regardless.” Swift, still snickering, shook her head content to watch as the machete flew. Erik made sure the balls came off too and he was glad for the tarpe.. it was messy and Swift turned on the TV to drown out the muffled agonized screams, a slight smirk on her face. She was just as sadistic as he was when it came to sexual predators and sexual violence. To her, it was one of the worst possible crimes.. something he suspected she’d experienced personally though he’d never ask out of respect for her.

The fingers were next, cutting them off of one hand all at once then the other. By the first cut, Flu’s eyes were glued shut, thick tears streaming down his face. Erik was shocked he was still conscious. He had to laugh, the nigga did say it was worth it. Meanwhile Rell waited to collect the parts as the second set of fingers were hacked off at the top knuckle.

“That’s for touching shit that ain’t yours to touch. Something you’ll never do again,” Erik sighed.

“Beat Bobby Flay, I love this show,” Swift perked from behind catching Erik off guard, but he recovered quickly, returning his attention to Flu.

“Still worth it?” Erik eyed Flu’s greying face as the blood drained from it. He was losing a lot of blood quickly. Erik had to hurry it along. This time Flu shook his head ‘no’ and Erik poked out his bottom lip. The nigga did learn something, albeit it was too late. The legs were next. Erik cut them off cleanly at the joints, cutting them smaller at the knees, not caring if the nigga died at this point. Then the arms at the shoulder and elbow. Finally, his head. When he was satisfied with his work, he pulled the change of clothes packed for him via Swift and gave her a kiss on the cheek watching her smile spread before changing. He knew she had a slight thing for him, but she’d never speak on it and he was thankful for that, though he wouldn’t tell her.

“You check for cameras and shit,” he told her before turning to Rell who’d already started cleaning. He was fast as hell. “You need me to cut this shit up smaller?”

“Nah, smaller pieces are harder to move, that’s why I be glad when you use the guns. It’s noisier, but there’s less mess to clean.”

“My bad bruh.”

---

Erik's home is beautiful, but it can also get very dark and that's a little creepy when you're all alone. Once it gets dark out, you have to find and turn on all of the house lights. The next thing is to search and rescue your sex toys. You don't really want to snoop through the man's house because it's rude and bad form, besides he'll probably give you the full tour when he returns. However, the temptation is great considering he has something that belongs to you. You search his drawers, his closet, under his bed, and find nothing but the knowledge that he's extremely organized. The next empty bedroom yields no results either. Then there's a room that's locked and you check around but can't find the key. Knowing how extra Erik is, he probably stored your toys in there. Speak of the devil, your phone rings and it's him.

"I'm on the way, you need something from anywhere?" Yeah, you and this room key.

"Nope, just come on back," you gesture though he can't see you.

"Aight. You okay?"

For some reason that question hit hard. The genuine consideration and care in his voice, it melts something in you, making your chest heat.

"Yeah.. I'm okay.. Are you okay?"

"Me? I'm fine, angelcakes."

There it goes again, that heat radiating through your body, forming a line of hot energy connecting your thumping heart to your jumping vagina.

"You need me to stay on the line," he asks when you don't hang up and you want to say yes, but you also don't want to worry him to make him think you're afraid. You're anxious, sure, but not really afraid.

"Um, nah I'll see you when you get back," you say before hanging up. It's strange how it feels like you're waiting for him as if he's your black and white TV husband, the Ricky to your Lucy. You return to your room and change from the towel into blue jersey shorts and a grey t-shirt, something to sleep in, before heading back down the stairs to explore a bit more. Amazingly, you stumble upon an outdoor pool that's on the back deck. If you'd known this was here, you'd have certainly been chilling out here all day. But maybe you'll have tomorrow to take a dip after work.. That is, if you don't have to go back home tomorrow.

It's only about fifteen minutes later when Erik pulls up and you're curled on the couch, doing some online reading. The key in the door steals your attention and you're anticipating his return a little too eagerly. Calm down weirdo, you tell yourself before the door swings open. He's changed his clothes. Does that mean he went to another pussy appointment before he came back? Not that it's unlike him, but that's still pretty damn cold if he did that today when he was supposed to be checking your apartment. He follows your eyes down to his clothes and immediately rolls his eyes.

"I always carry spare clothes just in case I make a mess and I made a mess today... not from fuckin. Damn, you think I'm that bad?"

"I mean, I didn't say anything to you, but I hoped you weren't."

"You thought it.. and I'm not. I wouldn't do that shit, not when your safety is on the line. You need a better perception of me."

"Maybe.. So how was it, is it safe to go back?"

"Nah, I called some professionals to check it out and they found a bunch of cameras and shit," he says dropping his keys on the table and taking a seat next to you on the couch where he stretches out. "They're gonna take a while to fully remove, you know how it go. You might have to stay here a bit longer until they're all located and gone. Few days maybe.. Hope that's okay."

"Cameras? Wow, I mean... As long as they're removed. How much did they ask for?"

"Don't worry about that, it's on me. Part of my duty in taking care of you."

Taking care of me. Yeah that's exactly what he's been doing isn't it. It's so strange how this arrangement just happened to come about, like destiny if you believe in such a thing.

"..I really do hate that guy, Flu. I don't get how someone could be that sick and evil," you shake your head sitting down your phone and Erik adjusts, pulling your shoulders so your head falls against his chest, his palm cradling your head. Your eyes close and instantly you're calm enough to drift off into a deep sleep.

"Don't worry about him. He's a dumbass and random selection will take care of him. You just rest now."

@muse-of-mbaku @imaginewhoever @vanitykocaine @panthergoddessbast @thadelightfulone @misspooh @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @marvelpotterlove @youreadthatright @forbeautyandlife @theunsweetenedtruth @bidibidibombaclaat @myboyfriendgiriboy @dameshaemonique @blackpantherimagines @eriknutinthispoosy @mandapandas-blog @vikkidc @hidden-treasures21 @romanceoftheeveryday @mysidefanting @allhailnjadaka @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @syndrlla97 @winteroflife @thotyana-in-this-hoe @eemahnee @texasbama @gingerylimonte @princessstevens @sweetsexysavagery @magic-madness-heavensin @localtrapgod @taint3dvirgin @wawakanda-btch @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @wakanda-inspired @blackgirloneshots @thegucciwaffle @sicksadgen @shesfromwakanda @thiccdaddy-mbaku @violet-ines @ange-sensuel @drsunshine97 @purplehairgawdess @littlesunflwrr @indigoxsummers @cccccx1 @niggarachi15

[thismanateelovestowrite]

Blue: Pt.30

Previous part: [Pt.29]

Warnings for this part: some detailed descriptions of depression

Not today, either…

Without even having to look at the bright streetlamp ahead of you, you felt a sense of disappointment that you had already gotten used to. It had been bright for months and you knew it wouldn’t change. You had given up the hope you had had months earlier.

At first, walking past the bright streetlamp before your apartment building had caused you to tear up. Every new day had come with a new heartbreaking disappointment, which eventually began to irritate and anger you. How had you dealt with those emotions? By abusing the inanimate object with murderous glares and stray rocks.

After having ran out of tears to cry and rocks to throw, you had begun to ponder all the useless what-ifs. Those that made you regret every single thing you had and hadn’t done. You had wallowed in them for weeks, eventually running out of emotional capacity to keep doing so.

Now, you were consumed inside an emptiness that had taken over your whole life. Nothing felt meaningful and there was nothing that brought you genuine happiness. Days passed by so slowly yet before you even knew it, a week had gone by. The only things that kept you from staying in your apartment all week long were your Mother’s calls and visits.

“How was your day?” she asked today too when you walked in to the comfort of your home.

“Nothing special,” you said quietly.

She walked you into the kitchen before you could escape into the living room. “I made some dinner for you.”

You felt a little bad for her as you didn’t even feel hungry nor had an appetite. “I’m fine, though…”

“I know you haven’t eaten much,” she made you sit down on a chair and sat down opposite you.

Reluctantly, you ate the food that didn’t taste like much in your mouth and didn’t seem to have a filling effect. Usually you probably would have found it delicious but you had become so numb that you didn’t anymore.

“Happy?” you asked once you had finished.

She smiled brightly and nodded. “Very. Thank you.”

***

You let your mind wander around as the music played loudly in the background. It didn’t exactly make you happy or sad, only triggered different nonchalant thoughts. It also helped you stay awake as you didn’t want to go to sleep.

The nightmares had returned, worse than ever. You couldn’t get rid of them and every time you fell asleep, you woke up not long after, often in tears. Then you would get out of bed and walk around the apartment before sitting down in front of the window to stare outside until you fell asleep.

You considered it a miracle that you were even sane anymore after the torture that had gone on for months. Maybe the lingering hope of being able to meet Minhyuk again helped you keep going. Though, it had become nearly inexistent over time.

Maybe the emptiness has consumed all the insanity, too…

The songs changed, your mind wandered and you felt like you had fought off the sleepiness. What was left was the ticking clock on your bedside table, making every second feel like an eternity as you waited for the next tick to come.

Am I here just to kill time? You thought with a small sigh.

As you lay with your arms wide open, the bed felt uncomfortably big. Three people would have fit there, side by side. The thought immediately brought Eunkyung and Minhyuk to your mind. How nice would it have been to be able to be in either’s comforting presence? Eunkyung’s warm words of comfort, the feeling of safety and comfort that being near Minhyuk had given you. Yet, neither was around to ease your numbness.

***

Why is it especially tough today?

Dragging your feet, you walked on the dark road that was the only thing you could see. It was as though the world around you had been consumed by the emptiness as well, only leaving behind an endless road. Quite honestly, you weren’t even sure if the road was one that would lead you home.

The sounds had been silenced as well, and the only thing you could hear were your own footsteps. Listening to their exhausted nature only added to your general exhaustion, hence why your pace slowed down with each step.

Your heart ached more and more as your movements grew slower. It longed for someone to lean on. Someone whose presence you still wished to sense through the flickering of a streetlamp.

Minhyuk…

Without you noticing, a lone tear rolled down your cheek and you came to a stop. As you stared ahead, you felt like the last piece of your soul had escaped your body and what remained was a mere shell, your tired body.

You stood in silence, under the bright streetlamp, and waited for whatever would come next. You didn’t anticipate or dread; there was no room for such emotions in the dreary void inside of you.

The light above you grew dim.

Is this it?

Then brighter again.

Please do not play with me any longer…

You noticed that your legs had given in after having collapsed to the ground. All you could see was the bright lamp directly above you, growing dimmer and then brighter again.

Please, let me go.

As you closed your eyes, a faint sound rang in your ears in return. You could sense the light flicker a few times. The faint thumps continued to echo in your ears as the light grew dim once more before you were embraced by the warm darkness.

***

A faint wooden scent, silence, warmth, faint light, a headache. You weren’t sure which one awakened you from your sleep.

You felt as though you were floating between clouds on a warm summery night. You lay on a soft surface, surrounded by a blanket of warmth and dim lighting. Once you opened your eyes, though, you found yourself to be inside a dimly lit room, lying down on a bed, covered by a blanket.

You were confused but you didn’t know why, exactly. There were many different questions on your mind, one in particular that made you stop and think for a while.

Who am I?

The question - that most people would have known how to answer in a way or two - caused you to struggle. No matter how deep you dug, you didn’t find an answer. It was like your brain had been emptied out almost completely.

A small sound made you snap out of your thoughts. Since the dim lighting – provided by a lamp on the bedside table beside you – didn’t reach all the corners of the room, you had a hard time figuring out where exactly the sound had come from. Eventually, one corner caught your attention and you stared in its direction, waiting for your eyes to notice any sort of movement.

“Seems like I’ve been caught,” a voice spoke softly and a chuckle followed.  

Out of the corner stepped a man who somehow looked exactly like the one you had just imagined based on the voice alone. You sat up in curiosity.

Why was he standing in the corner?

“Hello,” he spoke again with a small smile. “How do you feel?”

Fascinated by how familiar he seemed, you just stared at him in silence. His blue eyes stared back with an odd sense of concern and warmth.

Is this someone I know?

His expression grew amused as the silence continued. “You’ve knitted your eyebrows quite tightly together,” he tapped the space between your eyebrows. “The curiosity remains when nothing else is left, huh?” he grinned.

“Who are you?” you ignored his remark.

“Many would ask about themselves first. Yet, you choose to use your first question on me?”

“Do you know who I am, then?” you asked, receiving only a smirk in return. “Do you?”

“I think one could say that,” he nodded quite nonchalantly. “I’ve done my fair share of research.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” she smiled and came to stand right next to you. “Let’s focus on the essentials first, shall we?”

You could now see his features clearer.

“You don’t have any other questions?” he asked after you just continued to admire him in silence. “Anything?”

You snapped out of your daze and thought for a second. “Where am I?”

He smiled. “Hmm… Well, I think you can call this your home if you want to.”

You looked around, scanning the room you were inside. “How did I end up here? Have I been here before?”

“Yes, you have, though you didn’t stay very long. As for how you ended up here…” he looked at you in silence for a bit. “Let’s just say that this is your safe place that you come to after bad things have happened.”

“Do you come here often?”

He hesitated. “Lately, yes.”

“Because your life has been tough?” your question caused him to break the eye contact.

You could feel an ache inside your heart as you saw the pain in his eyes.

“That’s not important right now,” he met your gaze again and the painful look was gone. “This is a time for you to ask me things about you, not me.”

But I want to know more about you…

As the silent seconds passed, you became more and more aware of a wholesome feeling inside you that seemed to grow bigger the longer you looked at his kind eyes and warm smile. You weren’t sure of why you felt like that but somehow, it felt right.

“Any more questions?” he encouraged. “Wow, that’s a question I never thought I would ask,” he added under his breath with an amused smirk.

“Well… What’s my name?”

“______.”

“What am I like?”

“Well, there are many answers to that question,” his smile widened. “You’re awfully curious, nosy and inquisitive.”

You frowned. “Aren’t those pretty much the same thing?” “Exactly,” he said with a mocking tone, causing you to pout slightly. He laughed at your reaction and then looked at you with a smile that made it hard for you to look in to his eyes. “Apart from that, you are brave, smart and occasionally cute.”

Weirdly enough, his words caused your heart to flutter and you looked away in embarrassment.

“Maybe that’s enough for now,” he continued to smile. “I think you should rest a little longer,” he gently grabbed your shoulders to make you lie down.

“I don’t feel tired,” you stated.

“Still. You injured yourself when you collapsed and need to get plenty of rest to heal. And, to make sure that your body is doing what it’s supposed to do, we need to make you heal quickly.”

“What are you talking about?” you frowned in confusion.

“You’ll find out eventually,” he pulled the blanket over you, tucking you in. “Once you feel like you can’t stand lying here anymore, you can come outside. But for my sake, stay in bed just a little longer.”

“Where are you going?” you grabbed his hand when he turned around to leave. Your heart had begun to beat faster.

“Don’t worry,” he reassured you and held your hand gently. “I’m not going to disappear. I’ll be waiting for you in the living room once you want to come out.”

Though you didn’t want to, you had to eventually let go of his warm hand as he walked to the door of the room. Watching him open the door made your heart ache and you wanted to follow him. Yet, you sat still and watched how he exited the room and closed the door behind him, leaving you all alone.

***

“Have you cleared up your mind?” the man asked when you found him in the living room of the seemingly spacious and cozy house.

I actually just wanted to see you…

“I’m not sure,” you sat down next to him on the couch. “My mind is empty and full at the same time. I feel at peace but I’m also really confused.”

A few seconds passed in silence and he smiled with compassion. “Been there, done that. Don’t worry, you’ll get better soon.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “I did too. You just need to be around the right people.”

“Are you going to be someone like that for me?” you asked and found yourself mesmerized by his blue eyes.

“I will try my very best,” his smile and words made you feel comforted.

It was weird to you how much you trusted this stranger whom you had just met. For all you knew, he could have been a serial killer who was plotting your murder at the very second. Still, the feeling of happiness you felt on the inside when you could talk to him was enough to keep you from leaving.

I want to believe that he’s a good person… I’m sure he is.

He reached out his hand and gently grabbed yours. “Let’s go, I’ll check your injury.”

You followed him to what seemed like the kitchen and sat you down on one of the chairs. When he started to undo the bandage around your head, you became aware of your injury for the first time.

Seems like my headache wasn’t for nothing.

Your body stiffened as he laid down the dirty bandage on the table and went to get something. A blue substance was smeared on the white cloth and for some reason, it made your stomach twist in disgust. You didn’t know what it was or where it had come from but it caused your whole body to malfunction briefly.

“I’ll just clean up the wound…” the man returned, holding something in his hands.

You felt a sense of relief upon the seeing him, quickly forgetting the bandage even existed.

“It seems like your injury is healing fast. There’s only a small scratch left,” he stated with a wide smile after observing the side of your head for a bit. “I’m proud of you,” he patted your shoulder.

You couldn’t help but smile, feeling somewhat flattered.

“I still have to sanitize it, though. This might hurt a little,” he said right before you could feel stinging pain on your scalp. “Sorry, sorry,” he apologized hurriedly as you winced.

He quickly finished cleaning up the wound and you looked at him from the corner of your eye the whole time. Though you couldn’t see it very well, his focused expression made you smile slightly.

“Did you start to like the pain?” he asked in confusion after he had finished and saw the foolish smile on your lips.

“Ah… No,” you stuttered and felt your cheeks heat up.

“Anyway, I won’t wrap your head with a new bandage as the wound will probably close today,” he explained while disposing of the dirty tools and the old bandage.

“Why are you taking care of me?” you asked as the question popped up in your head.

“Hmm…” he stood in front of you and thought. “I think, first and foremost, it’s because I feel a sense of responsibility towards you.”

“Why?”

He chuckled. “Don’t take your curiosity too far, ______,” he brushed a strand of hair away from your face. “Asking about me is a little dangerous.”

You were about to open your mouth when he placed his finger on your lips, silencing you.

“Don’t ask why,” he grinned. “Right now, everything you need to know about me is that I’m here for you and that I genuinely want to help you. The rest will come with time.”

As he looked in to your eyes, you could sense sincerity in them. It created a strong feeling of trust and peacefulness, which made you even more curious about his identity.

Who is this person to make me feel like this?

***

You watched as the daylight slowly faded and was eventually replaced by starts on the night sky. You thought that it felt nice to just sit in front of the window without doing anything. The man sat on the couch with you, not doing any more than you.

“You’re oddly calm,” he stated when the first stars lit up on the sky above the tall trees.

I think it’s because of you, you thought as you turned around to look at him.

“Not that I mind, it’s just that I thought…” he paused and looked away. “Never mind.”

The look in his eyes confused you as he suddenly seemed sad. Before you could ask, though, the sound of a door being opened caught your attention. He looked towards the direction the sound came from and soon a woman walked in. She came to a halt when her gaze landed on you.

“Oh,” her surprised expression soon changed into one of relief. “You’re awake,” she smiled.

“She’s someone I know,” the man explained when you looked at him in confusion.

“Wow, not even an acquaintance?” she snorted and the man grinned. “Has he been treating you well?”

You nodded.

“Of course I have, what did you expect?” he sounded somewhat offended. “I don’t think there’s anyone out there who would treat her better than me.”

The woman rolled her eyes and walked over, stopping in front of you. “How are you feeling?”

“Weird,” you said while staring into her blue eyes that somehow seemed much less fascinating that the man’s.

“That’s to be expected, so I guess everything is okay,” she stated. “Your wound seems to have healed up, too.”

As you turned to look at the man beside you, another person walked in to the room. He walked over to the couch and looked at you with a smile that was rather obviously fake. “Fancy seeing you again.”

The woman immediately nudged him and gave him a glare. You looked to your side to discover that the man beside you was grinning in amusement. Seeing his smile, you relaxed a little.

“I think you two could chat for a while,” the woman stated while looking at you and motioned at the guy beside her. “Meanwhile, I think we should have a small chat of our own,” she looked at the man sitting next to you.

You watched in confusion when he stood up and exited the room with the woman. When the new guy sat down next to you, you flinched a little.

“So, how are you?” he asked with the same smile from before.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” you frowned.

“Wow, no need to get feisty. I was just asking out of concern,” he raised his hands. “Believe me, those words I just said weirded me out just as much as they weirded you out.”

The longer you looked at him, the less you liked him. “Who are you?”

“Your worst enemy,” he said dramatically. “Or just a friend. You can decide, I’m fine with either.”

I’m leaning towards worst enemy…

“Anyway, I’m sure we’ll get along much better now that you’ve changed,” he smiled, this time with more sincerity. “Let’s be friends?”

Hesitating, you only looked at the hand he had reached out for a handshake. The silence between you two enabled you to hear the discussion coming from the kitchen.

“So, you’ve been elected as the leader?” you could hear the man’s voice ask quietly. “How the heck did that happen?”

“That’s not important right now,” the woman’s voice said. “What are you going to do about ______?”

Your ears twitched slightly at the mention of your name and you turned your gaze towards the kitchen’s direction.

“______?” the guy next to you spoke over the man in the kitchen but you ignored him.

What about me?

“You do understand how risky this is, don’t you?” the woman spoke and you frowned.

“You think I don’t?” the man’s voice sounded angry. “I feel guilty every single day.”

Your heart ached at the pain in his voice.

“Hey,” the guy next to you grabbed your wrist as you stood up from the couch.

You ignored him and walked towards the kitchen while listening to the discussion.

“I know that this isn’t safe,” the man spoke. “But when I saw her that night, I just couldn’t help myself. She looked so…” he paused and you could feel the pain in his voice. “I… I’m sorry…”

“Wait, Minhyuk…” the woman’s voice said right before you ran into the man.

You both came to a sudden halt at the sight of each other. The name the woman had said echoed inside your ears while his eyes widened as he looked back at the woman and then you in shock.

Images started popping up inside your head and though you initially didn’t understand them, you quickly realized that they were your memories of the man right in front of you.

“Minhyuk…” you spoke subconsciously and his eyes began to glisten. “It’s you…”

You now knew why looking at him made you so happy.

“No…” his pained expression and broken voice made your heart ache. ��Please… No…”

“Why are you sad?” you asked, tearing up at the sight of his suffering. “What’s wrong?”

He pulled you in for a tight hug and you could feel him tremble as he cried. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… This… This wasn’t supposed to happen… I should have known better…”

As you looked at Yuna and Kihyun – who you now recognized – the looks on their faces worried you. It seemed like something was wrong.

“I’m so sorry, ______,” Minhyuk cried in agony and you saw tears in Yuna’s eyes.

“Why?” you asked with concern, trying to comfort him by stroking his back gently. “Is something wrong?”

***

Minhyuk’s POV

No matter how long I stared into ______’s eyes, I could not get used to their unfamiliar color. The stars that reflected in them reminded me of the last time we lay on the grass side-by-side. Back then, her gaze was filled with worry and anxiety.

“Are you sure you don’t remember the bad things?” I asked, unable to get rid of the worry that was eating me up on the inside.

Everything had happened so fast that I felt like it was all just a dream. ______ had told us everything she remembered and her lack of memories of all the bad things that had happened – and eventually changed her – confused all of us. We had assumed that the memory of me should have brought all her memories back as I had been the reason she faced most of those struggles.

Yuna had speculated that her lack of bad memories related to me could have had something to do with our relationship and her feelings towards me. Since she wasn’t sure, though, she had decided to leave and ask a few people she knew to see if anyone knew more about it than her. Kihyun had offered to go with her, exclaiming that he didn’t “want to be left alone with two lovebirds”.

And that was how we had ended up coming outside to look at the stars while in awe at the fact that we had reunited happily – something neither of us ever believed would happen.

“Only the times when I could feel how much you love me,” _______ answered with a reassuring smile.

I didn’t trust her completely and kept observing her expression as she looked up at the night sky. Different from the last time we had been lying there, she now looked peaceful and happy. Both the small smile on her lips and her warm hand that was holding onto mine brought me comfort and reassurance that maybe everything was alright, after all.

“Did you really miss me that much?” she turned her head to look at me with a teasing grin after a while. “Enough to not be able to look away now that I’m here.”

Despite the unfamiliar color of her eyes, I still felt the same feeling of happiness inside my heart when I looked at her. “No, I’m just weirded out by your eyes,” I teased back with a hint of truth.

She snorted and gave me a nudge, which only made me laugh.

“Well, if you didn’t miss me, I’m sure you won’t mind me leaving,” she sat up but before she could stand, I pulled her back down.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized with a smile, still amused by her reaction. “Stay.” After a moment of looking straight into my eyes, she turned her head away and looked at the stars again. I was sure that if I had touched her cheek then, it would have felt quite warm. Subconsciously, a smile appeared on my lips at the thought. And, feeling mischievous, I leaned towards her and gave that warm cheek a peck. It was pretty clear that I had caught her off-guard as she avoided my gaze and seemed shy. Finding her cute, I laughed.

As a silence fell, I looked up at the stars. It didn’t take long for my gaze to wander back to ______.

“To be honest,” she broke the silence. “I’m kind of afraid.” I frowned in worry. “About what?”

She turned her head to look at me. “What if I wake up tomorrow to find that this was all just a dream?”

I felt a sting in my heart as I shared her fear. I didn’t know what to say to comfort her and as I was trying to come up with something, she suddenly straddled me and leaned down to kiss my lips. Surprised, I wasn’t sure how to react.

“You know, it’s weird if you don’t kiss me back,” she said with a pout and sat down on the ground next to me.

I sat up. “Sorry, I just didn’t expect that,” I told her apologetically. “You caught me off-guard.”

She avoided my gaze and focused on playing with the sleeve of her shirt. “I just thought that if this is a dream, might as well just enjoy it to the max…”

I couldn’t help but snicker at her embarrassment, which she gave me a glare for.

“Don’t laugh, I’m going to feel even worse,” she whined.

“I’m sorry, I won’t” I felt bad for her for being amused. “It’s just that I find you so endearing that I can’t help.”

She seemed a little upset and we remained silent for a while. I just observed her as she played with the sleeves of her shirt, then looked up at the stars and resumed playing with the sleeves.

If this is a dream…

I reached my hand out, gently placed it on her shoulder, and waited for her to turn around. Then, I got closer to her to kiss her lips. She eventually responded, causing my heart to flutter.

“So, about enjoying this could-be-a-dream ‘to the max’… Do you want to?” I asked after pulling away from the kiss and gently brushed a strand of hair away from her face.

Though seemingly somewhat surprised, she nodded. We smiled at each other and I straddled her, slowly pushing her to lie down.

“Shall we, then?” I smiled.

As she nodded with a wide smile, the blue eyes that stared back at me were filled with something I never would have guessed to be at the receiving end of. I felt like I was looking at a reflection of myself; I believed she was looking at me with the same love that I looked at her with.

Whether it was a dream or not, we had each other. And that was all that mattered.

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Eric Cartman

out of character info

Name/Alias: Tots

Pronouns: she/her

Age: 19

Join Our Discord: lmao already in here tho

Timezone: EST

Activity: depends on my mood- but on a good day I can be about an 8

Triggers: n/a

Password: Jwimmy can fwast pass mwy awss uwu

Character that you’re applying for: Eric Cartman

Favourite ships for your character: Eric x getting kicked in the balls really fucking hard

in character info

Full name: Erin Theodore Cartman

Birthday: July 1st

Sexuality, gender, pronouns: bisexual, male, he/him

Age and grade: 17, senior

Appearance: Super BUFF, mega RIPPED, hella HAWT-

Puberty and a lack of hygiene hit Eric Cartman like a baseball bat to a toddler’s teeth. Eric’s skin is greasy and pimply, his brown eyes are beady and swallowed by fat, he constantly smells of fast food and BO, his clothing is usually grimey and stained by food, his hair, while a pleasing auburn shade, is short and greasy. Whatever facial structure he could have had is hidden under double chins and years of bad eating. It’s as round as the rest of him. He has no neck, it’s just a layer of fat flopped over his shoulders.

Eric is short, standing at 5ft 5 inches. Due to a lack of self control he’s morbidly obese. His knees hurt when he walks and anything more physical than a slow pace makes him pour sweat and pant like a dog.

When Eric is attempting to manipulate someone or is dressing up to pull a scheme, he pulls out all the stops with wearing nice clothes and as clean as humanly possible. Otherwise however, he does not give two shits. Afterall, why bother spending time showering when you can use that time to eat more KFC?

Eric’s wardrobe never changed, plain pants and tshirts are still his signature clothing style. In an attempt to make Eric more independant, Liane tried insisting Eric wash his own clothes. Eric instead refused to do so and chooses to continue wearing his dirty clothes until she can’t stand the sight or smell anymore and washes his clothes for him. It’s a recurring, endless cycle.

Despite all this, Eric continues to be under the delusion that he is a complete and utter chick magnet that makes all pussies in a 200 square foot radius wet. He’s convinced that there’s nothing wrong with his appearance and that he’s insanely good looking.

Personality: Eric could have been a good person. He had the potential inside him at one point before his anger and vileness took over.

Now, Eric is complete and utter, irredeemable flaming human garbage. He is racist, abusive, quick to anger and never thinks ahead unless it stands to benefit him. He constantly lies and looks to see how he can make any situation make him better. Eric can and will do anything he possibly can to get his way no matter what.

Eric is wildly self centered and can’t stand the idea of anyone around him not wanting to be at his beck and call. He’s broken in his mother to obeying his every whim and becomes enraged when she tries to put her foot down. He is a master manipulator and does not care one bit about anyone around him whatsoever. Eric truly does not feel empathy for people around him- he is the stereotype of a dangerous sociopath.

Eric thinks nothing of people around him, seeing a person cry and be hurt makes him laugh like nothing else. He is a genuine racist and hates Jews- thinking the absolute worst of them. Because of a lack of romantic and sexual endeavors he could consider successful, Eric’s developed incel and neckbeard like tendencies and ways of thinking, feeling like the world owes him sex and love and that he’s such a ‘nice guy’ that is sooo much better than all these other Chads and deserves to be surrounded by pussy. He doesn’t seem to think that his vile way of thinking and language has anything to do with his lackluster love life.

Perhaps what makes Eric so dangerous is the fact that he can be amazingly charismatic. He genuinely has good leadership skills and can masterfully weave words together when he’s actually thinking about it. He has an amazing knack for seeing a person’s weakness and exploiting it. While Eric may not be book smart, he can read and play people like a fiddle.

Eric does have some insecurities about himself but he’s buried them so deep down inside that he doesn’t realize that they’re there.

History: Eric was born and raised by Liane Cartman, a genuinely sweet single mother despite her drug addiction. She tried her hardest to raise Eric well, but as Eric grew older he became worse and worse.

For the first years of his life, he was simply a whiny and argumentative brat but as time went by he began to learn manipulation skills and started to think less and less of the people around him. His first signs of something being off about him was the way he treated his pets and his own mother. Eventually this bled into how he treated his friends and the people around him. Why Stan, Kenny and Kyle bothered with him is anybody’s guess.

Eric has a criminal record but jail seems to have not made any lasting impact on him whatsoever. He’s simply more careful about getting caught by the law. Don’t forget that Eric got away with murder when he was just ten years old. He has no morals whatsoever.

With Marvel’s continued success, Eric also continued his superhero persona. Although he claimed to be a hero fighting for justice, it’s plainly obvious to anyone with any brain cells that this is just another scheme to try and make money and bolster his own image.

Eric’s impulsivity, manipulative ways and anger issues only continued to grow as time went on. While there’s been few additions to his criminal record, the list of crimes and wrongdoings he’s committed is beyond endless. Eric Cartman doesn’t particularly have any dreams for when high school is over which intensely worries Liane. He seems perfectly content to laze around with his mother at his every beck and call.

Whatever the future holds for Eric Cartman, it’s not going to be good for anyone around him.

Sample paragraph: “Kyle you DIRTY, FILTHY FUCKING JEW!” Cartman shrieked, shoving his phone into his supposed ‘friend’s face. “I KNOW you’re running this piece of shit blog WITHOUT ME.”

The Eavesdropper. A gossip blog run by an anonymous group of people who exposed the citizens of South Park’s deepest secrets. It held power. It held influence.

And Eric was completely, and utterly furious that he wasn’t on it.

“I bet you’re just keeping me out so that you can write all the nasty shit you want about me don’t you!? What else would I expect from a nasty fucking ginger, twink jew like you.” He sneered, pulling the phone away and stuffing it into his pocket. “So here’s how this is going to go down. YOU are going to tell your little gossip friends about how AMAZING and AWESOME Eric Cartman is and THEN you’re going to get me onto the group.”

The ability to be able to spread whatever gossip he wanted about anyone he wanted? Well sure he could do that whenever he wanted but this was a platform. It already had most of the work done for him. “And now, I know what you’re thinking- ‘Why would I ever let Eric join? He’s just so awesome and amazing that I know he’d outshine me in a second’. Well this is why Kyle. If you don’t, I’m going to tell everyone in this school that you are gay for Stan. Yeah. You’re fucking gay for him. I’ll tell everyone. And it’ll make everything super awkward between you and him. Maybe I’ll even fake a few kissy faggy love notes so that shit will never be the same between you two.”

His grin was wide and sickly. That would be a good threat. The embarrassment of it and the potential ruin of Kyle’s friendship with his closest and longest lasting pal was more than enough. Erin licked his lips, they tasted like grease from last night’s dinner. Kyle was below him. He was stupid and just another pawn to Eric.

If he didn’t do this- well, Eric could easily find another way to make him.

Headcanons: Eric may be bi but like, hes still super homophobic. Apparently gay activities are only acceptable if he’s doing it.

Anything else: Eric is going to say and do a lot of genuinely horrible things so warning at you dudes about that.

[boarix]

Wraith in the Ruins: A Fallout 4 Story Part XIII

Let Me Go

Trigger warnings: canon language/violence/gun, drug and alcohol use. Suggestive/mature content

Bloody mess warning!

Game spoilers!

Please enjoy

 “My dad’s old Highwayman would’ve come in handy right about now. Are we sure we’re still on ninety-five? I figured there would be a little more asphalt than this. ”

A week out from Sanctuary, Wraith’s caravan had been traveling in almost nonstop rain and the road was thick with mud.

“Was that a truck? I’d think we’d need some big tires for this slop, ya feel me?”

“Nothing can stop a Highwayman!” Wraith did her best impression of the spokesperson but then frowned to herself when she realized she was the only person to have actually ever heard the original commercial.

“I’d rather have a vertibird… fly above all… nngh… stupid… wet… CRAP!” Falling over sideways, MacCready lay defeated and motionless as the ever helpful Dogmeat licked his face.

Deacon fished him out, smiling at the cork-like pop, “No thank you, I’d rather not.”

“How long, in a car would this trip have taken anyway?” Hancock crouched slightly, “You want me to give you a piggyback ride, MacCready?”

“Naw man, I’m all gross and… oh… very funny.”

Laughing at them, Wraith snapped her fingers, “I don’t even have the heart to tell you. A Blitz would have gotten us there like that.” She smiled as she reminisced, “Plus they had those really cool gull-wing doors!”

“What kinda doors?”

Raising her arms out to either side, Wraith bent her elbows and spread her fingers like pinions on a wing, “Like this.”

“I know what it means, sunshine. Wanted to see if you’d make a silly pose.”

“I’m not silly! I’m a majestic shorebird.”

A small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth as Deacon enjoyed listening to and occasionally joining the trio’s banter. However, while maintaining the Harley character he had to be careful about breaking into his establish Deacon-the-funny-guy routine; laughing too loud or too frequently. Successfully gaining enough muscle mass to almost completely change his physicality, along with a full, red beard and without his glasses, he was completely unrecognizable even since Valentine’s wedding. Hancock, MacCready and Wraith had been consistent with calling him by his alter ego and he along with the five synth refugees all remained safely anonymous.

“Yes general, this is the highway. Behold your tax dollars at work.”

“Well… I’m gonna write my congressman…” Wraith slowed to walk next to Deacon, letting Hancock and MacCready move ahead. “Are we going to be able to stop in Baltimore? Or… whatever it’s called now. Or do we have to skip it like Philly?”

“There’s not a whole lot to see if we do stop; there’s some small trading stations that pop up in the summer but we might be early yet.” Deacon’s smile broadened as Hancock, noticing Dogmeat struggling in the mud, hefted the pup and carried him against his chest like a child, “We might have left too early in general… General. I haven’t seen spring rain like this in ten years.”

“Are we… talking about the weather like old people?”

“The weather will do more than… dampen our spirits. Time is a concern.”

“We wouldn’t want to get sick… being under the weather would slow us down.”

“If L&L sent a party after us… their rain of terror would…”

“Ugh, no! That’s stretching.” Wraith play-punched his arm.

“Oh? Couldn’t think of another one? I guess I won that round.”

Careful! Harley wouldn’t be this familiar. Tune it back…

Making note of the sudden shift in Deacon’s body language and tucking her chin, Wraith whispered her concern from the corner of her mouth, “L&L, huh? I thought you found the last two…”

“Later.”

 MacCready had found a small rise that was relatively dry and despite the fact that it was still a good two hours until sunset, the caravan stopped for the night. After making sure the brahmin were sound, everyone was being fed and watch shifts were selected, Wraith broke away to meet with Deacon.

“Hey, that’s my trick!”

Wraith doubted that she had actually been able to sneak up on him. “You’re being kind.” Folding her slender legs under her, she propped her back against a wretched-looking tree, “How much will you tell me?”

Seating himself on the opposite side of the trunk, Deacon’s voice was low, “My contact in Underworld is Tulip. Captain Sally and The Bruiser are still at large.”

“I thought Hancock’s network had found them.”

“Shit happens.”

Not for the first time, Wraith berated herself for leaving the Railroad, “I should have stayed. Should have finished…”

“Not everything that happened or will happen is your fault, Pippa. Fuck’s sake!” Genuinely annoyed, Deacon leaned around the oak to glare at her, “Dial down your ego for two seconds and you’ll realize the Earth doesn’t fucking revolve around you!”

“Holy shit! What the fuck was that for?!”

With Wraith’s angry frown inches from his own, Deacon had an impulse to kiss her. Letting the image carry him away for far longer than was healthy, he felt heat on his face.

Shit! FUCK! SHITFUCKDAMN!

“…are you?” Clearing her throat, Wraith sat back on her heels, “What was that? Please, tell me what…”

“No, Wraith.” In one fluid motion, Deacon rose to his feet, turned and melted away into the evening shadows.

 The insects were becoming a problem. The rains had finally let up but the further south the caravan progressed the warmer it got and the swarms of bugs were insufferable. Ranging in size from annoying to lethal there was a growing concern over the amount of ammunition being spent.

“Goddamn bugs!” Hancock seemed especially agitated and would routinely spend his daily allotment of shells, “Someone take my gun from me; I can’t help myself!”

“You could always just stab them…”

“Hey, that’s right!” Brandishing his beloved combat knife, the ghoul licked the blade with a mad light in his eyes.

“Or, or you could take some Day-tripper and we could strap you to a brahimn for the rest of the trip.”

Hancock made a show of being torn between ending all bug life at the end of his knife, or enjoying a nice high, “Gee, Harley how will I ever choose?”

Surprised that he would play along, Deacon’s confusion mounted when the lanky mayor draped an arm across his shoulders, “What’s got you so… friendly?”

“Wraith’s been lower than brahmin udders since she snuck away to chat at ya.” Hancock pulled the other man close to whisper in his ear, “And you’ve been even lower, brother. You kids feuding or what?”

Alarmed to know that his mood was affecting his body language, he straightened his back. Feeling uncomfortable under the ghoul’s arm, mostly because he enjoyed the contact, Deacon shrugged and was able to side-step away. He chuckled, “Damn, you are just as dangerous as she is.” Still feeling the weight of Hancock’s touch and angry that he had liked it, he rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. “I told her about the L&L setbacks; the false intel… more or less.”

“You tell her ‘bout the mole? About how I killed that fucker?”

“No Mr. Mayor, I didn’t. Because she’s not supposed to have to know about the Railroad and where I’m at or about whatever it is that I’m doing. I’m trying to give her one less fight and one less worry.”

“Well, you’re doing it wrong. Lyin’ has never worked with her.”

Annoyed, Deacon talked through his teeth, “Well, how exactly would you go about it?”

“Fuck if I know.” Folding his arms behind his head, Hancock walked away while whistling Keep a Knockin’.

 Hancock was whimpering. It wasn’t unusual for him to battle his demons in his sleep but it still made Wraith’s heart hurt. She pulled him closer to her and his eyes opened briefly. He smiled, thankful to be rescued and he laid his head against her chest.

“Fighting ninjas again?”

“Heh. Not this time, sunshine.” He yawned and nuzzled her breasts through her shirt, “MacCready and Dogmeat still on watch?”

“Yeah. I’ve gotta get up soon. We’ll do a swap-out so you won’t be alone for long.”

“Stay with me for a couple more minutes.” His voice carried a surprisingly high level of anxiety.

She kissed his head, “A bad one, huh? I can stay a little longer.”

“I’ve told you I love you, right?” His voice wavered, almost as if he had been crying.

“Yes, of course!” She squeezed him tightly, “And I love you. What was it?”

“Don’t wanna trouble you with it.”

“It’s no trouble. It was just a dream, right?”

“I… MacCready didn’t want to leave th’ Capital and you decided to stay with him. I… I lost you both.”

  “That you, Wraith?” MacCready was staring intently through his night scope, “You picking up anything on your fancy wristwatch?”

“No. Why?”

“I… my neck hairs are up… I don’t see anything but…”

“You feel.”

Lowering his scope, MacCready’s shoulders slumped, “That’s from that book again, isn’t it? You enormous nerd.”

Wraith gave Dogmeat a pat, “Puppy here seems to be relaxed.” She stuck her hand in MacCready’s back pocket to give his butt a squeeze, “Now, now. We have been through this; if you know what I’m talking about then you’re just as big a nerd.”

Returning the scope to his eye, he pretended not to notice her hand, “Darn it! I feel like I’m being stalked. Harley isn’t out there being a… messing around, right?”

“He’s out and about but he’s taking this all very seriously.” She checked her Pip-boy again, “I still don’t see anything. You sure it’s not just a case of the jitters? Tell you what; I’ll go do a quick sweep. The bad vibes are coming from the east, right? Hang tight.”

Moving silently through the scrub, Wraith calmed her mind for peak focus. Stopping every few yards, she strained her ears to listen for any minute change in the night sounds around her. Crisscrossing back and forth, she moved east until she reached a swamp and ran out of solid ground. Slowly standing in the moon-cast shadow of a large bolder, she held her breath and closed her eyes.

You never thought that maybe Mac would want to stay. You never thought that up until a couple of years ago his whole life had been in the Capital Wasteland and maybe he prefers it. What if Duncan refuses to leave and Mac doesn’t want to traumatize him by forcing him? What if Carol and Greta convince him not to take his son? What if he had been in love with Morningstar and when he sees her he’ll realize that you’re not as good? What if…

Dangerously close to hyperventilating, Wraith was able to snap herself back… just as the deathclaw hit her.

 “Light, GET SOME GODDAMN LIGHT OUT THERE!”

“How?! We don’t have a generator with us, Mayor Hancock!”

As soon as he heard the deathclaw’s roar, MacCready had raised the alarm and he and the dog sprinted off into the night. Now, Hancock was left to organize the pursuit and was terrified that his nightmare was coming true.

“Lanterns! Torches! Fucking sake! Let’s GO!” When Deacon made as if to follow, Hancock stabbed his finger at him, “Not you! Stay and protect the camp.”

His jaw clenched as he ground his teeth but he complied.

 Get up! Getupgetupgetup!

Able to gather her legs beneath her despite her lungs being devoid of air, Wraith ducked and dodged as the monster did its best to bifurcate her. She felt hot blood streaming down her face and she realized she had forgotten her armored hood back at camp.

I am such a shitshow!

The moon was full and so afforded her enough light to evade the monster’s swinging talons. Injured as she was, Wraith knew that she would tire quickly and needed to get on the offense. She expected that her companions would hear the beast’s bellow and attempt to come to her aid but she had traveled fairly far from camp. Even with the moon’s light it would take time to find her. Options seemed to be limited…

I need to slow it down. I don’t know how deep the swamp is but if I can get it stuck in the mud…

Weaving through a small copse of trees, she gained enough distance to grab a syringe of med-X and the bottle of Buffout from her pack. Bolstered by the chems, she unsheathed Kremvh’s Tooth and sprinted straight at the creature. Diving between its legs, she slashed its Achilles tendon as she passed and rolled to her feet behind it. Ducking under its tail as it spun around to pursue her, she sprinted for the water.

Leaping to a fallen tree, Wraith ran along its length and turned to mark the deathclaw’s progress. It seemed oblivious to the fact that its left foot hung by a strip of hide and she watched in horror as it gathered itself to jump to her log.

I’m drowning here! The only way this could be worse is if there were two…

A second deathclaw bellowed from her left.

Oh. Swell.

 Trying to keep up with Dogmeat, MacCready paid no mind to the branches whipping across his face. He was terribly worried that he hadn’t heard gun shots and he was attempting to convince himself that it was because she preferred melee weapons and not because she had been killed.

Has she lost her mind? Didn’t she learn anything from the last time?!

Man and dog rounded the bolder just in time to see the second deathclaw rear back and bellow its challenge. They then both watched in horror as the injured deathclaw leaped to Wraith’s log. She was catapulted through to air to land with an enormous splash, where she sank like a stone into the swamp’s dark waters.

Snarling as viciously as Dogmeat, MacCready quickly doubled back and climbed the bolder. Rifle in hand he sent shot after shot to the second deathclaw’s right knee as Dogmeat led it in circles around the rock’s base. The sniper cut through the beast’s leg like a lumberjack felling a tree and it collapsed heavily to its side. Dogmeat continued to worry it, preventing it from getting up and MacCready changed his target to the monster’s left knee. As soon as it was destroyed, the former merc whistled the canine away and tossed a grenade; finishing it off.

 Although her flight had been ungainly, Wraith had seen the deathclaw coming and so had been able to steel herself before being launched into the water. Unable to see through the silt, she swam to the bottom and headed back toward the shore, hoping to flank her foe.

The deathclaw had somehow tracked her progress and so dragged itself through the muddy water after her. Wraith surfaced right next to it and it lunged at her with its mouth open. Pulling her .44, she unloaded a full clip into its gaping maw. Her angle was bad however and so even though the wounds she inflicted would prove to be mortal, the monster wasn’t dead yet.

Frantically doing the backstroke, she was able to find footing enough to leap at the deathclaw with her blade leading the way. Landing heavily on its head she pushed the dagger through its upper jaw and pinned its mouth closed, roaring defiantly into its face.

The deathclaw plunged and shook; crow-hopping to try and dislodge her. With one hand on her weapon and the other on one of its horns, Wraith held on for dear life as the monster thrashed. Her substantial strength still augmented by the Buffout, it should have come to no great shock when the creatures horn came away in her hand. Losing her grip on her weapon’s blood-splattered hilt, she was once again flung into the water.

Moonlight reflected through the great spray of blood, clearly defining its crimson hue. The deathclaw stood with its head raised and arms spread wide, almost as if it was appealing to the moon for mercy. Then with a deep, mortal groan it fell dead.

MacCready stood motionless in complete shock. When Wraith surfaced, sputtering and cursing he realized he had been holding his breath, “Are… ARE YOU OKAY?!”

“GrrrrrrrAWWRRR!” Splashing and growling, Wraith kicked at the beast’s head before retrieving her dagger. Then, suddenly spent, she flopped onto her back in the mud, “Ugh. I think so.”

Dogmeat ran to her and setting his nose to her head wound, whiffled unhappily.

Wraith sheathed her weapon and reached up to run her fingers through the dog’s neck ruff, “I’m okay buddy. I… I think.”

“NO! YOU ARE NOT! YOU ARE BLEEDING!” MacCready had his med kit out in a flash.

“You have a flare gun, right? Do that first, okay?”

 The relief Hancock felt when he saw the flare was dashed when he saw MacCready hovering over Wraith as she lay on the ground. Unconsciously gripping his chest over his heart, he walked with slow, heavy steps to stand next to Dogmeat. “MacCready…”

Taken aback by Hancock’s stricken look, the young man waved his hands, “She’s alive! She’s a crazy monster but she’s alive.”

“Who’s a monster?!”

“Have you ever seen yourself fight?” MacCready bent to kiss her, his slight shiver evidence of his fear, “My knock-out, monster woman…”

Hancock kneeled in the mud and placed a hand on Wraith’s blood-caked forehead, “Did you pick a fight with two deathclaws all by yer lonesome?”

“No… I’m ashamed to admit they got the drop on me.”

“I distracted you. Got in yer head. Shouldn’t have told you ‘bout that dream.”

“It’s not your fault! Don’t… just don’t, please.” Wraith caught MacCready’s hand, “Don’t bother stitching me up; I have a couple of derma-fuses at the camp.” She sat up as the young man bound her head. “It’s a shame Bear isn’t with us; I’d have him skin these two… deathclaw armor would be super cool.”

“The one I got was an albino too. That’s pretty rare.”

“What am I, chopped liver?” Hancock turned to one of the Minutemen escorts, “How ‘bout it Lloyd, you wanna help me set yer general up with some swanky new threads?”

“Do you have the right kind of knives for that?”

Placing his hand on his chest as if she had given him the greatest of insults, Hancock raised his voice to a falsetto, “Do I have the right kind of knives? ME?! You’re asking ME?!”

 It was the last night before the caravan reached the designated rendezvous at relay tower Kx-B8-11. MacCready and Wraith lay together in her bedroll and a nervous Wraith had not slept at all. Her mind was tormenting her with Hancock’s dream and she couldn’t shake the image of MacCready’s back moving further and further away from them.

“Wraith, you keep sighing…”

“Oops, sorry!”

Gathering her gently into his arms, MacCready kissed her temple, “What’s the matter?”

“What’s Morningstar like? Fahrenheit calls her a ‘beautiful giant’ but I don’t think it’s a complement.”

“No, probably not.” MacCready laughed, “It’s accurate though. She’s about as tall as Hancock but like two of him across. Maybe three…”

“Were the two of you friends?”

“No...” The pregnant pause suggested otherwise and it was his turn to sigh, “Maybe… It’s kinda complicated.”

“Tell me a story, Mac.”

“Sure, fine. It’s not like I’m gonna get any sleep anyway.”

“Yay.”

“Nyx is a nosy, goody two-shoes. She’s a busybody who can’t seem to leave sh… stuff alone.” He rolled away from her onto his back and stuck an arm behind his head. “She came to Little Lamplight so she could get into a vault. I helped her out and then I couldn’t get rid of her. She said that she owed us. I told her to… leave us alone.”

“You told her to fuck off?” She could see him smile in the dark.

“Verbatim.” His smile grew larger, “She didn’t listen, of course. She would bring supplies; food and clothes and stuff. When I turned sixteen and left she offered me a job but I was… stupid and told her ‘no thank you’.”

“Fuck off, part two?”

“Yeah. I thought I could make more money, faster with the Gunners. Looking back… I acted like such a idiot kid.”

“Mac, you were sixteen! That is a kid.”

“Not in the wasteland.” His smile gone, he looked sadly backward in time, “Then I found out that she had cleared Lamplight out and set up an orphanage in Megaton. I was so angry… but I don’t know why. Honestly, it was pretty amazing what she did for those kids. She gave them a chance to be... well… kids. That didn’t stop me though. I went and told her exactly what she should do with herself.”

“The return of fuck off, part three the sequel?”

“After Duncan was born, Lucy…” MacCready swallowed, hard, “Lucy said I needed to make peace with her. I… refused.” A rim of moisture gathered at the corner of his eye, “I was still being…” Unable to continue, a large tear traveled down his cheek.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to keep going.”

He sniffled and reached out to pull Wraith to his chest, “No, it’s okay. After I lost Lucy, I got… dark. I would drop Duncan off at Underworld and take missions that… I don’t think Charon would’ve done.”

“Charon is Morningstar’s… bodyguard? Actually I’m not sure what their relationship is.”

“Complicated. I think at one point she owned him. They might be a couple but I honestly don’t know.”

“Owned?! Like… not like a slave?!”

“Like I said, complicated.”

“Oh… no.”

“After Duncan got sick I promised him that if he could hold out until I got a cure, that I would be a better person. I finally went to Nyx. She never even hesitated, just came to help me as if we were best pals. I took it completely wrong, like she was using this as another opportunity to show how much better she is. Ugh, I was such a bastard!”

“Stop being so hard on yourself.”

“You don’t understand. If you knew all the things I’ve done…”

“Hancock says that too. You both know perfectly well all the horrible stuff I’ve done.”

MacCready shifted himself and sat up, taking Wraith by the shoulders and looking in her eyes, “You two are different. You guys did that stuff to help other people. You both made sacrifices and hard decisions so that they could be saved. I did terrible things because I hated everything. I was joking when I called you a monster. I’m the monster.”

Matching his stare, Wraith cupped his cheek with her hand, “I don’t know if you’d ever want to tell me everything but I want you to know that I would listen. I love you. I always will.” She kissed him and gently set her forehead against his.

They sat that way, quietly for a few seconds until MacCready pulled slightly back. He stared, smiling into her eyes. His look morphed from adoration to lasciviousness and he ran his hands from her shoulders down her back.  Setting his lips against hers in a needful kiss, he tucked a hand in the waistband of her jeans to squeeze her butt.

“Mmmm, Mac… We have to… stop…” As her lover’s hands and mouth traveled across her body, Wraith barely had the presence of mind to protest.

“Think so? I can be quiet. I can be good and quiet.”

“Huugh… It’s even… more fun… oh mmmm… when you’re loud…”

 “Beacon has been activated… Harley.” Wraith was genuinely regretful at not being able to make a rhyme.

“Acknowledged, general. The Morningstar escort should arrive in less than twenty-four hours. Was there anything else?”

“No. Thank you soldier, you are dismissed.”

Wraith frowned as she watched him walk away. She had made several attempts, during the last days of travel, to engage with Deacon. She understood the need for his alter ego but was disappointed that he was no longer allowing himself to be friendly.

I make jokes and laugh with all my people. Probably more than what’s appropriate but… This is so different than any other mission. He’s so different… even from when we left Diamond City.

 “General, Morningstar has been spotted. She should be here in about twenty minutes.”

“Thank you, Lloyd.”

The sun had barely risen the following morning but Wraith had been up all night. Both Hancock and MacCready had tried to calm her but her anxiety had turned Nyx Morningstar into some sort of boyfriend-eating gorgon.

And then she was come.

At well over six feet, she was perhaps the tallest woman Wraith would ever see. Morningstar wore heavy combat gear with a custom, lion-like helmet that was heavily inspired by gladiatorial armor. Lifting an arm, she waved as her group crested the hill. When she removed her helm her impressive mane of blue-black hair poured forth like liquid night. Her large, gold eyes smiled in a truly friendly manner as they surveyed Wraith’s group.

“Hey there, butt face.”  

MacCready stood, flanked by Hancock on his left and Wraith on his right, “Hey mungo.” Swaggering up, he stuck out a hand. Nyx clasped it firmly, then to his shock, pulled him to her and swept him off his feet to spin around in a whirling bear hug, “AAAAAAHHHH! PUT ME DOWN, YOU BEHEMOTH!”

After a couple more revolutions, she set him back on his feet, “I’m sorry R.J. It’s just so good to see you!” She turned her sun-beam smile onto Hancock and offered him her hand. “John Hancock, you old raisin! How are you?!”

Shaking her hand firmly he smiled, “Still sweet and wrinkly! You’re impressive as always, Morningstar. Speaking of impressive, may I have the pleasure of introducing Wraith, General of the Minutemen?”

Wraith lifted her chin and secured her face into her best I-need-to-win-over-this-jury smile, “I’m honored to meet you, Morningstar.”

“The honor is mine. And please, call me Nyx.”

“Only if you will call me Wraith.” Wraith turned her attention to the silent, tall sentinel standing slightly behind Nyx, “And you must be Charon. It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.” The entire hill top seemed to freeze as Wraith extended her hand to the mountainous ghoul.

To everyone’s shock he took her hand and offered her the tiniest of quarter grins, “The pleasure is mine.” Charon then turned slightly to Nyx with a slightly larger, tiny grin and a wink.

When Nyx saw Dogmeat her eyes widened and she took a knee, “Hello old man.”

The German shepherd sat and placed his paws on her leg. The two stayed in silent communion for several seconds before woman and dog rose to their feet.

Turning back to Wraith, Nyx was all business, “We should move soon. It would only be natural for my group to assist yours breaking camp. Lots of moving bodies can be confusing to those who may be watching.”

It suddenly occurred to Wraith that six of Nyx’s group very closely resembled Deacon and his five synth refugees. Nodding, she joined the throng of people and brahmin. Then, completely imperceptible to an outside observer, the two groups swapped costumes, as if by magic.

As the large caravan headed south, Nyx and Wraith walked together. Wraith’s mind was a whirl of questions but afraid that she’d be a pest, wasn’t sure where to start.

“Danse isn’t with you.”

Wraith jumped slightly, startled by the broken silence “No. I did ask him if he would like to come but I think he feels this chapter of his life is closed. Did you know him?”

“I know everyone.” Nyx’s smile somehow softened the egotistical declaration, “Not well, but I did meet him before Maxson whisked him away. I have a letter for him from former scribe Haylen.”

“Ah. She did end up quitting then.” Wraith somehow felt even more awkward, “You might find this a strange question but, is she… okay?”

“Wraith, to be clear; I am connected to the BOS but I myself am not an active member. I have an understanding with the elder. To be blunt, they owe me. A lot. As such, they understand that certain towns, settlements and people, are under my protection. Places like Underworld. People like the ghouls living in and around the Capital Wasteland. People like my super mutant friend, Fawkes. People like Haylen.”

The large women had unconsciously picked up her pace and Wraith had to practically jog to keep up with her, “Did they threaten her?!”

“Not at all. That whole… debacle, was a huge embarrassment and setback for the Brotherhood. You remain public enemy number one but Haylen will be fine. I have her doing medical research for me and she seems to be happy.”

“Speaking of medical research, I have a gift for you.” Wraith, eager to change the subject, passed her a derma-fuse, “It’s Institute tech designed to close lacerations.”

Nyx’s eyes took on a greedy gleam as she accepted the device, “Fascinating! How does it work?”

“I don’t actually know how it works but what it does is localized cellular regeneration. Dermis only, hence the name. I actually brought you two; one to use…”

“And one to ruin, trying to figure out how to make more?” The two women shared a laugh.

“Well, glad to see you are getting along.” Returning to the group after scouting ahead, MacCready flashed them a roguish grin.

“What of it, R.J? Why wouldn’t we? I happen to be a super-fun person!”

He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, right. What were you two talking about?”

“About how you’re a huge dork.”

“Oh, I’m huge alright. In all the right places!”

“Does that explain your enormous head?”

“Big brain.”

“I think you mean big ego.”

Despite the harsh volley of words, MacCready seemed to be enjoying himself, “Well, you would be the expert on gigantism and egos.”

Wraith, feeling out of place, dropped back to her more normal walking pace. Suddenly finding herself side by side with Charon, her feeling of awkwardness intensified to new heights.

“So, I assume this is normal? For them, I mean.”

“Yes.”

“Not to say it isn’t funny.”

“Sure.”

“Well. I um… guess I’ll go check on… brahmin stuff.”

 Wraith’s passage through the Capital Wasteland left her feeling nostalgic and sad. The ruins of The Mall were particularly emotional. Her nerves frayed by the journey and the imminent face-to-face with Duncan, she held Hancock’s arm as they walked.

“You’re gonna be fine, sunshine.” The ghoul kissed the back of her hand, “We’ll be back, all together in Sanctuary before you know it. One big, happy family; lots of weird aunts and uncles for the kids.”

MacCready sought them out just before passing through Underworld’s doors. “Whew! Here we go.”

The caravan members distributed themselves between The Chop Shop and Underworld Outfitters as MacCready, Hancock, Dogmeat and Wraith climbed the stairs to Carol’s.  Just beyond the door, flanked by his ghoulette aunts stood Duncan.

“Daddy!” Giggling, the small boy threw himself into his father’s open arms. “Daddy I’m a big boy! I poop in the potty and can come with you now! Auty Carol says so! Daddy… are you ‘kay? Daddy?”

MacCready had tried his best to hold back his tears, afraid that his crying might confuse or scare his son. Caught somewhere between sobbing and laughing he was making strange noises in his throat, almost as if he was being strangled.

“It’s ‘kay, daddy. Crying is ‘kay too.” Duncan had pulled back slightly and was now patting his father’s tear streaked cheek, “Daddy, does your tummy hurt?”

“He’s just very happy to see you, honey.” Tears ran down Carol’s face as well, “I’m Carol, you must be Wraith and Hancock. This is my wife Greta. Welcome to Underworld.” The ghoulette did a double-take, “Is that… that can’t possibly… Dogmeat?!”

“Look, Daddy! There’s a doggy! It’s a good puppy?”

“He’s… yeah buddy. He’s the best puppy.”

  Deacon sat at a barstool waiting for Tulip. After their tearful reunion, MacCready and company had settled down for the night and he had separated himself to wait for his contact to close her store.

“Do you have a Geiger counter?”

“Mine’s in the shop.”

“Harley, everything is all set. The packages will be distributed by Morningstar’s courier service starting tomorrow.”

“Well, all things considered that went remarkably smooth. Kinda waiting on the other shoe…”

“It’s funny you should say that. I need your help.” Tulip lowered her voice and set her hand suggestively on Deacon’s thy. “Follow me back to the shop.”

Maintaining character, Deacon slung his arm around the ghoulette’s shoulders and leaned into her as if too drunk to walk straight, “Ohboy, I thought you’d never ashk me!”

Morningstar’s imposing presence seemed to fill the store and she leaned toward Deacon with a predatory look that reminded him of a hunting lioness, “The L&L gang is here! They’ve killed Watts.”

“Victoria…” Deacon’s mind whirled, “Who’s running the show?”

“I want you to.”

It made perfect sense. He hated it. His mind reeled back from it, “Why can’t you…”

“Don’t do that. You know why!” Nyx folded her powerful arms, “I’m way too high profile. It wouldn’t have to be permanent. We need you to whip us in to shape like you did for the Commonwealth branch. Tulip has her hands full and,” She cast an apologetic glance to the ghoulette, “she has no leadership experience. It’s you. Take a protégé if you want. Train them… but it’s you.”

“You… you got me over a barrel.”

“I promised General Wraith that I would make sure Duncan MacCready makes it safely back to Sanctuary. I will not go back on my word. I will go… you will stay.” Her eyes softened at the pain in Deacon’s pale blue eyes, “I know you and Watts went way back. I’m sorry to throw this at you now but it just happened a couple of days ago.”

“Hancock’s network had been closing in. We knew they left but we had been misdirected north. Goddamn it…”

“You’ll do a lot of good for us here. I will make sure you’re provided all necessary resources.”

“Of that I have no doubt.” Squaring his shoulders, Deacon turned to leave, “No time like the present. I’ll be off to…”

“Headquarters are still at the late, great Manya Vargas’s. Let me know when you change location… cause I know you will.”

“You’re not going to say goodbye.” All three flinched as Wraith stepped out of the shadows.

Nyx turned and took a menacing step, hands raised and ready to attack, “Bad move, General…”

“Wait! Wraith is Railroad! Or… she was…” Deacon placed himself between them, “Whisper! Wraith was Whisper!”

Nyx calmed immediately. Looking back and forth between them, she seemed to have an epiphany, “Let’s go back to the bar for a bit, Tulip.”

“Fine. If you two fight, don’t go wreaking up my shop!”

The silence was heavy, like the pressure before a thunderstorm.

Don’t… Wraith, don’t…

“Am I a child to you? Do you honestly believe you can protect me from… why wouldn’t you have told me? Hell, lie to me about the reason but fucking tell me that you’re leaving!” Wraith still had her fists clenched.

“You’re giving me permission to lie?”

Don’t… I can’t…

“I...” She seemed to deflate before his eyes, “I guess you’ve always come and go as you please.”

“You told me to leave. You told me once…”

“That was a mistake! I fucked up. Had I known better what I was doing…”

“No! You were right! You did everything and more for the Railroad… for me. You were done. Turning your focus to the Minutemen was the best decision you could have made. Just look at everything you’ve accomplished!”

Wraith shook her head, “Look at all the lives I’ve ended…”

“STOP FUCKING DOING THAT!” Deacon’s eyes flashed fire and he took an unconscious step toward her, “STOP! Don’t belittle yourself. You are the single greatest thing that’s happened to the Commonwealth… and to me.”

“You… you have no intention of coming back. Do you?” Tears streamed down her face.

“You don’t need me, Wraith. You have to let me go.”

“You’re like my brother! We… you’re my family.”

“The time has come for us to part ways.”

She lifted her arms as if to embrace him but he backed away.

Don’t hug me Wraith. I’ll… I’ll shatter. I’ll break if you hold me.

“You… you’re my friend. I love you, Deacon.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

“You don’t know me, Philippa. My name is not Deacon.” His face empty of emotion, the nameless man turned his back, opened the door and walked away.

Lie. Lie. Lie.

  Thank you so much for reading! Like what you read? Looking for more? Please search my Wraith in the Ruins tag in my bio. There is a link-tree master post with all of the chapters. Questions/comments/concerns, my ask is open (anon too). I appreciate any feedback. =^..^=

[peachyteabuck]

fool outta me [bucky barnes x reader]

summary: bucky and you finally have a conversation about your feelings after you catch him getting jealous about your friendship with thor

pairing: bucky barnes x writer!reader

words: 2080

trigger warnings: some teeth rotting fluff. talk about personal insecurities. allusions to previous and future sexual contact without much specifics. mentions of an unspecified childhood trauma

notes/other: hi hello i know i’ve been writing a lot of fluff n stuff. i will get back to fics abt two or more ppl just fuking rawing each other soon. dw. 

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

You and Bucky have been dating for awhile. Not a long time, but awhile. You hadn’t officially moved in together yet (you still paid your half of the rent for your shitty apartment), but you still often slept in his room in the Tower. You’ve had sex, but had never gotten too adventurous. It’s good, Bucky and you are happy. You’re in love. No need to push it, no need to talk it further, no need to complicate things.

You’re sitting on the couch, reading some book about the gendered politics of crafting, when you hear a loud crash in the kitchen. The others are all in other places at far ends of the Tower, and you’re pretty sure Natasha went out to get coffee. But any of them in the kitchen on the common floor? Without you noticing? Nope. Not possible.

Good news is, you trust Tony enough to not allow some stray or burglar to come and kidnap you, so you decide to investigate. You keep your hardcover novel with you to act as a makeshift weapon...just in case.  You’re expecting a rat, or maybe some sort of ghost, possibly a dog no one thought to CC you on the email about - definitely not the god that’s been spooked by a a Nutribullet plastic container thingy that’s fallen from a poorly-stacked cabinet.

“Thor Odinson,” you groan, grabbing and gently placing the large smoothie-thing (oh god, what do you call those things anyway? Do they have names?) in the sink. “You scared the shit out of me!”

He looks sheepish as he explains. “Sorry, my lady. It looks like someone in this residence didn’t put…” he gestures to the object. “That away correctly.”

“It’s fine.” You half laugh, half sigh as you go to hug him. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

Thor chuckles. “It has! Please, sit back down. I’ll be there in a minute and you can tell me everything I’ve missed!”

You smile, nodding and going back to your place on the extremely comfortable couch. Ever the gentleman, about two minutes later he hands you your favorite mug - a baby blue one with cursive gold lettering that says “flight” with little birds on it- with your favorite tea inside. It’s warm under your hands and provides a relief to the ache from holding the book.

“An apology - for scaring you like that,” Thor tells you as you blow lightly at the steam from the beverage.

Again, you smile. “Apology accepted.”

The conversation between you two flows beautifully. You two talk about this and that: about your writing and his kingly duties. About your new book deal and his universal travels. It seems ludicrous, comparing your lives. But he seems genuinely interested in your life - just as you are his.

Book long forgotten, it seems like hours later when Bucky enters the floor with Natasha and Sam in tow. They’re all chatting about some new upcoming training technique they’re going to try with some of the subordinates. Once they all see Thor, they greet him with the same grand gestures and loud voice they’ve always seemed to use with the equally grand and loud god.

Well, except Bucky. He greets only you and only you with his signature peck on the lips, sitting beside you and pulling you into his chest. He’s showered - thank Gods - and he smells like the body wash you bought him. The honeycomb is calming and comforting, much more so than sweat and adrenaline and whatever else got stuck to him.

“How was the workout?” You ask.

He shrugs when he answers. “Good - the usual.”

You roll your eyes. Bucky may not be able to see it with the angle you’re at, but he knows you’re doing it anyway. “Always so descriptive,” you tease. He smiles, welcoming your chide remarks.

Thor watches the pair of you. You can tell Bucky notices, but neither of you really say anything. He had a habit of staring at things while on Midgard, it became a habit after one-to-many all-too-forward inappropriate questions, mostly made while in public (Why does that woman have a metal bar through her ear? He asked in a coffee shop. Why would anyone want to build a bear, especially little children? He texted you when he went to the mall for a first time. Why does this text end in an eggplant? He questioned when he picked up your phone and accidentally read all of your notifications).

It’s no biggie - at least not to you, so you badger Natasha about her postponing a girls’ night. Bucky, though, doesn’t take his eyes off of the God. He watches Thor with his assassin’s precision, and you choose not to comment.

Soon, your conversation with Thor picks back up. The whole time, Bucky’s muscles occasionally tense. For awhile, you ignore it; You know better than to push anything, so you drop it from your mind for the time being. Later that night, though, you bring it to the surface again as you get dressed for bed and Bucky brushes his teeth.

“Sooo…” you begin, leaning on the doorway to the bathroom.

Bucky spits the black (charcoal was Steve’s new thing, and Bucky’s always willing to be his guinea pig) saliva into the sink. “What’s up, babe?”

You shrug, attempting to remain nonchalant. “What was with you while I was talking to Thor on the couch earlier this afternoon?”

Bucky immediately denies his actions. “Nothing, it was nothing.”

You scoff. “I’m a retired interrogator for the United States Navy. You can’t knock me off your path that easily...James.”

Oooooo, full first names are coming out now. This is getting serious.

Bucky scoffs, too. Yours was serious, though. The one he does is obviously an attempt to mock you. “And I was interrogated for like, seventy years. You can’t crack me that easily.”

You stare at him via the mirror, blank-faced. “Really, you’re pulling the Winter Soldier card?”

Bucky shrugs, finally wiping off his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You don’t budge, metaphorically and literally. “You’re deflecting and you know it.”

He just grumbles something unintelligible and brushes past you, huddling under the thick comforter on his side of the bed and turning off the lamp on his nightstand. Bucky’s acting like a small child who just got told he can’t go over to his friend’s house on Saturday because he has to get up early for Sunday mass. Luckily, the only more stubborn person on this Earth besides him (and Steve) is you.

Plus, you babysat until grad school: you know how to handle petulant children. You turn off the rest of the lights and snuggle into bed right beside him, curling your arms around his middle - just like he loves it. He’d never admit it, but James Buchanan Barnes (World’s longest serving POW, Winter Soldier, Veteran, Avenger) absolutely adores being the little spoon.

When he settles into you, you know you’ve got him right where you want him. “You know, if you don’t want to talk to me, I could just give Wanda the go-ahead to read your mind and spoil all of the pranks you were planning to play on Sam…”

He flips over and gasps. “You wouldn’t…”

“And I won’t!” You assure. “You just have to tell me how you feel.”

“Ugh,” Bucky exclaims dramatically. “Talking about emotions.”

You snort a little, kissing his warm, sweet-smelling shoulder. Damn, you really know how to pick a body wash.“You knew this was going to happen! My mom was a social worker, you can’t hide that part of me for long!”

He growls, then sighs. “Fine. But turn over.” You start to question him, but he cuts you off before a single sound can leave your lips. “I can’t have you looking at me while I say this.”

Listen, you bargain with yourself. You got him to open up! That’s great. Let him do it in his own way. Being the loving girlfriend you are, you flip over and face the wall.

It’s a few pregnant moments before he starts, but when he does - he can’t seem to stop. “Look, I know...listen. I was super like, sauve and stuff...pre-war and shit. Talk to Steve, he’ll tell ya. But being under mind control for a Nazi organization doesn’t really like, help your self-confidence, you know? When I met you, it was hard. I remember you, at that party. You looked...oh god, you looked so good in that velvet pantsuit. And those heels! When Natasha introduced us, I legit almost fell over,” it takes every ounce of all willpower you have not to giggle. You remember that day so vividly: how much your bra hurt, what the champagne tasted like, wanting to jump Bucky’s bones the minutes you saw him. Everything, you remember everything. “And then Natasha threw, like legit threw all of your books at me once we got home. And I read all of them. Several times. It was just...I remember I wrote down all of my favorite poems and like, read them every chance I could get. I just, you’re so articulate, the way you use your voice, the way you write. I was...floored. Still am. I just, you never cease to amaze me. And I remember the first time we slept together, and your dirty talking - god. I wanted to stop fucking you so I could write down everything you said. I’ve just never, I’ve never met anyone who could manipulate the English language like you can.”

You wipe a tear from your eye. God, what a fucking charmer. No wonder you let him get it on the first date.

“You’re so...like, you’re like some Greek statue. Carved from perfect marble and so precious. Sometimes I want to touch you make sure you’re real but I don’t want to smudge you, wreck your beauty. And I’ve always felt like...remember that poem, from your second poetry book. The one about trauma from your childhood?”

You sniffle. That poem, that’s the one he talked to you about on your first date. Normally you felt so uncomfortable when people complimented you, but with Bucky it felt so natural. “That my trauma felt like the jagged edge of a rock at the bottom of the pond; ever present but with no exact location until it was too late.”

Bucky picks up, still facing away from you. “Yeah, I just...I never thought anyone so fucking amazing could love someone like me. It felt like you were a shooting star that somehow fell in love with some stupid cliff’s edge, or some other shitty rock or something. I don’t know. I just...I’m worried that you’ll see me like I see me, and Thor is like...the hottest person ever. He’s just as bright as you are...at least, I don’t know, I remember you and him talking about your writing’s allusions to mythology and I had no fucking idea what you were talking about and I just...I don’t know. I love you, I love you so much, and I’m trying everyday to prove that to you. But I just, I’m not sure how to do that properly, so sometimes I-”

You don’t allow him to finish his sentence. You surge forward, your salty tears mixing with his as you kiss him. Bucky kisses back without hesitation. Both of you are reluctant to pull away, but oxygen cares not one bit about how in love two people are.

“I think dating a writer rubbed off on you,” you whisper, lips still almost touching his. “Because those words...fuck. If you keep talking to me like that, we’ll never be able to leave this bed again.”

He laughs, deep and husky. “What can I say, I’m a changed man. First the loofah and that body wash, then the yoga, now this…”

You bark out laughter, then sigh happily. “If Thor would make you crack like this I would’ve invited him to Midgard a long time ago…”

Bucky jabs his fingers into your side, tickling you. “Don’t even joke about that! I’m trying to be tender here, and this is how you treat me?”

You kiss him again, smiling. “Aw, my love. How ever will I make it up to you?”

He taps his finger to his chin for a moment, then flips you over so that he’s on top of you. “Oh, I think I have a few ideas…”

[saidbyes-blog]

( & * THE LIBERTINE !

( nina nesbitt. demigirl. she/her. ) // did you see who walked past just then ? couldn’t really tell from the distance but i think it’s ( ebony harrison ) actually ! the ( twenty-four ) year old is a little ( unreliable ) if you ask me but they’re also ( kind-hearted ). i heard that when they opened the capsule, they took out the ( watch ) that they’d left seventeen years ago. i wonder what that even means to them especially now that they’re a ( bartender ) ?

in the wise words of trixie mattel: aaaahhhh ! i’m so excited ijshjhnshns, but anyway -- hi ! i’m pace ( she / her ) and this little pain in my entire ass is ebony. i’ll try and keep this on the shorter side ( as i always make these things WAY too long ) both for your sake in terms of reading, and because eb’s story is a little on the sadder side at times, and tbh i don’t wanna dwell on it bc she’s not like ?? a gloomy character or anything ?? but ya i’ll try and keep it brief !

trigger warnings for death !

----- ❀ fun fact: i intended for ebony to be an adjusted version of a character i already had, and planned to mould her around the skeleton and the setting and whatnot, but....... that just didn’t happen ??? ebony came to me very quickly & i wasn’t even expecting her lmao ? so a couple of details are based on That Other Character, but the rest just kind of happened ?? me, playing a brand new character in a rp ???? sounds fake ??? what can i say my dudes the skeleton got me good 

----- ❀ her label is the libertine, meaning her item she put n the time capsule was the watch ! long story short, it was her dad’s, who died unexpectedly very close to the time of the carnival. he claimed the watch to be a family heirloom, but they found out after he died that that was bullshit, and it was worth nothing, and since he lied about it, the sentimental value was gone, too. not to be emo but the watch broke as he fell, so the hands are stuck at the time he died ( well, he didn’t die instantly, but it sure as hell wasn’t long after ) so that’s.............fun. fixing it would cost more than the watch was worth, so they didn’t bother. ebony’s parents had fought just before he died, and he’d been kicked out their home, so his parents blamed ebony’s mum, and ebony’s mum blamed herself, too, but she was so angry about the watch that ebony didn’t let it out of her sight ?? just in case her mum smashed it or threw it away. so when they went to the carnival, eb just kind of ???? had in on her ??? and she didn’t intend to put it in the time capsule it just sort of.................happened ?? but even though she was only seven at the time, she hasn’t regretted it ? like looking back on it now as a messy as fuck adult, it was the right thing to do ? he never took it off, so having it in the house would just be a constant reminder of ‘hey, your dad’s dead ! and he was a liar, too !’ so allowing her seventeen years to mourn his death and come to terms with it, and then getting her hands back on the watch, was smart ? obviously she didn’t think that far ahead at the time, but. 

----- ❀ she’s actually back in town because of the time capsule. ebony is always full of surprises, and anybody who knew about the watch, whether they put something in the time capsule too, or she just told them about it on her travels, might be surprised she’d go back to lorfield for a broken watch ? she,,,, cannot commit to anything ?? let along a tatty old watch ?? and when things get too real, or too tough, she just.........ditches. she just can’t deal with stuff, it makes her feel trapped and claustrophobic, and she just cannot deal with it ?? sometimes she just ditches hangouts and friend circles, and sometimes she’ll skip town entirely, it really depends. but anyway, the watch had lost some of it’s detail in her memory in seventeen years, and that alone is enough to give her a reality check, like how long it’s actually been, how important things can be, how she’s actually quite glad to  have the watch back ? she always thought it’d be bigger, too. like it’s a little bulkier than what she’d choose if she was just.............buying a watch, because she’s got thin wrists, but because she was only seven, she just ??? always thought the watch was bigger ???

----- ❀ anyway, her label. the libertine is defined as ‘a person who behaves without moral principles or a sense of responsibility, especially in sexual matters.’ on the main, and ‘a person, especially a man, who freely indulges in sensual pleasures without regard to moral principles.’ on the ol’ google. for ebony, it expands from just sexual immorality, into immoral everything, but including sex. she drops everything at any given moment, and does so with ease; she has no responsibilities and will own up to none of them even when they do become present. and morally she’s just.......... wrong ? she knows what is morally right and what isn’t, she just can’t allow that to influence how she does things ? she doesn’t  think before she does anything, which means that half the shit she does is on impulse, and is then regretted. she doesn’t think ‘the libertine’ is a very flattering label, tbh ? not because of the sexual attachments to it, or because of the flakiness, but mostly just because it’s true. 

----- ❀ personality wise,,,,,,,, she a mess. like i said, morals ? she doesn’t know her !!! she’s hard to be understood, doesn’t like anybody trying to understand her, but wants somebody in her life who does understand her. the problem is, she doesn’t even understand herself.  she really doesn’t mean to be selfish, she genuinely doesn’t, but she is ? but on the other hand, she’s kind ? pretty gentle ? very forgiving ? expels all kinds of confidence that she just does. not. have ? but she’s selfish and flaky and craves things she doesn’t let people get close enough to have ?

----- ❀ she changes her appearance quite a lot tbh. might take a hot minute for some people to recognise her at times, depending on what she looked like when she knew them ? 

----- ❀ tbh i can see a lot of the people she knows / used to know being all kinds of annoyed with her ? like it’s very much a case of, you think everything is fine, you’re getting on great, but then the real shit happens and oh look ebony’s gone. she just can’t ???? deal with anything ???? so she doesn’t ??? it’s infuriating, especially as a person who she may have ditched at some point ? and it’s so clear WHY she disappears. she thinks her problems will be left behind, but they just catch up to her eventually and she just won’t admit that maybe that means she’s the problem, and that she can’t just abandon everything all the time and expect that to fix things. there are so many things in life she can’t control, and it’s just so overwhelming to her, so when she can control things, like where she stays and who she’s with and who she wakes up to in the morning, she does ? and when she is called out on her bullshit, she’s so casual about it that it’s believable ?? and she knows she can’t be like this forever but owning up to it and putting a stop to it means having to admit it, and some things are buried so deep that it’ll take work to put them right or to deal with them, and it’s just so much easier for her to ignore it. 

----- ❀ i’m working on a full bio for her, but it may take a while since the last bio i wrote was about six thousand words ( yikes ! ) but for now, she has stats !

----- ❀ gender is messy and ebony’s just accepted that tbh. her pronouns are she / her, but she does appreciate it when people use they / them if she hasn’t, like, explicitly said what her pronouns are ? idk, she just doesn’t want people to forget that she’s not A Girl™ ? bc like just bc she presents femininely and mostly identifies as the gender she was assigned at birth, doesn’t make her any less nb ??? u know ??? like even pals she’s said this too, and they could even be nb themselves, she’s still convinced they’ll ? not see her as nb and just ?? forget she’s not a woman ? on that note, though, she doesn’t mind being referred to as a girl on ????? her own terms ??? like her mobile header literally says ‘sad girls club’ but ? on her own terms, y’know ?? anyway, if we could refrain from referring to her as like ‘the girl’ or ‘the woman’ in replies, that’d be great ! 

----- ❀ tldr: ebony is everybody’s least favourite messy, woke, flaky, but soft, angel forward slash demon, who has mastered the ‘art’ of a) never dealing with anything ever b) crying then acting like she’s never cried in her life and she’s fine five minutes later and c) subtly leaning over the bar at work, claiming it to be because she can’t hear her customer, but it’s actually so her shirt gets caught and gets pulled down a little. bc tips. plus fun. plus it makes her feel smug. i hate her. 

okay so..........keeping it short went well then. but i’m honestly so tired rn so this may not even make sense, and i may have to go to sleep and get stuck into replies and starters and whatnot in the morning, but i’m v excited to be here and plot with your kiddos !! i kind of lowkey suck at plotting, and messaging makes me anxious, but i shall try my damn hardest, and  H O N E S T L Y everybody’s characters look so fecking good i’m cryin

edit: i threw together a connections page, that i will update and do properly when i’m more awake !