#if you go to my instagram you will see several year old pictures of my cat Punkin

[ask-thearchivists]

do you have an Instagram?

The Cartographer: You mortals are certainly saying a lot of nonsense right now.

[pedrithink]

love is not easy ✩ kylian mbappé

summary: everything seems more difficult when you are the shadow of your older sister and Kylian and her are in love with each other.

Your life has always been about being your sister's shadow and you understand, Ana is incredible. You are so proud of the person she is and extremely grateful that you were chosen to be her sister. But, I don't know? the feeling of emptiness, of never feeling good enough and of always being the second choice in people's lives hurts you a lot.

The way you will always be inferior to her hurts you and you know that no matter what you achieve, she will always achieve something greater and be more glorified for it. Your parents love you, you know that. But, Ana is special and they never let you forget that. To always be in second place, to always feel inferior. Even though when several people are with you, the world seems to be different, the sun seems to be warmer, and the light more intense.

Your thoughts disperse when Ana enters the room dressed in a long black dress and a lot of jewelry adorning her body. "Hey, my little pumpkin. I'm leaving, Kylian is already waiting for me outside." Kylian. Your heart races just hearing that name. "He asked me to check again if you're sure you don't want to go."

Kylian has known you since he was 11 years old (You having 9 and Ana having 11), you saw him as he left for another country to pursue his dream of playing soccer and to come back to Paris and become the world star he is today.

You can't ignore and lie that you have always been in love with him, these feelings didn't come out of nowhere. At the age of 15, when he came into your room and opened up to you, that's when it all started. He revealed all his fears and insecurities and his sincerity so openly, you could only look into those dark eyes and feel bad for falling so intensely in love with someone who was perfect for your sister.

Your parents always expected and made sure that Kylian and Ana would become a couple, and every time they went out together, like now, your heart would tear a little more. It's always been this way and it always will be.

So, during these last few days, you've been trying to ignore Kylian as much as you can to try to make these feelings go away. If pretending they don't exist didn't work, you hope that this way it will. You know it's not fair to him, but you just can't stand to feel it anymore.

You just feel your cell phone vibrating and try to shut off your brain from these painful thoughts, you seem to enjoy hurting yourself by trying to imagine a reality where Kylian would choose you over Ana. You know that's impossible.

Ky <3: Is everything okay?

Ky <3: I can't help but get upset every time you refuse to go to an event with me.

You let out a weak smile. Kylian, unconsciously, was the reason for your pain and, at the same time, was the only person who could make you feel completely alive.

You: i'm fine :)

You: enjoy tonight, mbappé. you deserve it, my world champion. <3

You try to turn off your phone so your brain doesn't activate the curiosity mode and you end up on twitter or instagram, you're not in the mood to hurt yourself by seeing so many pictures of Kylian with Ana right now. It's ok to feel sad because he doesn't feel the same way, but not torture yourself.

Trying to fall asleep when so much is going on around you is so hard. You just want to try to stop thinking about what they must be doing right now, you just want all this feeling of over 8 years to just go away. It's not fair to feel all of this alone, to endure all of this alone. Kylian is in love with Ana and she is in love with him. You have to accept this and move on with your life.

As you try to dispel these exhausting thoughts, your mind will shut down and you will finally be able to sleep.

The next morning, as you are walking down the stairs towards the kitchen, you hear different footsteps. Ana is not so cheerful in the morning, actually, she has always been a night person.

As you enter the kitchen you are startled by the figure of Kylian preparing breakfast.

He turns around and is startled by your totally static presence. "Hey, beautiful." Kylian approaches you to deposit a kiss on your head. "Are you running away from me? I've missed you these last few days."

You let out a nervous laugh and disperse from the half-hug Kylian has formed. "Of course not, Ky." You pick up a mug and pour in some of the coffee Kylian prepared this morning. "I'm just busy with college, that's all."

He doesn't believe you because he knows you, he can tell for sure when you are lying: "If you don't want to go out with me, you don't have to lie." He makes it obvious that he's upset that you keep running away from anything involving him.

"It's not that, Ky. It really isn't." You snap back and take his hand while leaving a caress, moving your thumb up and down his hand. "It's just that…Ana does better in your world." You let out a weak laugh to try to get him to relax, you don't know, but he's afraid of losing you. "I'm weird, you know."

He makes a disapproving expression under your self-deprecating manner and pulls you into another hug. "My world is only the one that can fit you, there is nothing about me that you are not included."

With your heart racing you detach yourself again from the embrace formed by Kylian and try to ignore that girl in love look your brain almost commands you to make. It's surreal, it seems that this feeling will never go away. Loving Kylian is a part of you.

You are so lost in this moment with Kylian that you only realize that Ana is there when he turns to deposit a kiss on her head. "Good morning, how are we today?" Ana hugs you and deposits a kiss on your cheek, she stays for a few minutes hugging you from the side until she leaves to get some coffee.

You try to ignore and put out of your mind all that moment with Kylian and what he said, you're tired of torturing yourself this way. Kylian doesn't like you and it's time to you got over it and moved on.

When we are all present for breakfast, you try to ignore all curiosity, but it overcomes you. "How was yesterday?"

You notice the way Ana lets out a weak laugh as she stares at Kylian. "It was good, pumpkin. It's always nice to be surrounded by this guy here." He winks at her and briefly strokes her hair. "What about yours? How was it?"

"Normal, same as always."

When you finish eating, you stand up and quickly say that you will go upstairs to your room. Ana and Kylian find it strange that you are so distant, since you have always been a lively person in the morning and always, literally always, started the conversation when you guys are at the breakfast table. Ana keeps it in mind to ask you later what is going on.

While you just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. You love Ana and you love Kylian, please don't misunderstand. You are happy for them, but the pain consumes you. The pain can be bigger than anything you have seen in the past eight years. You always had it in mind that they would end up together, but you didn't know that you were not ready for when this moment finally came. The feeling of unrequited love is different, intimate, merciless. It is like throwing a ball into the sky and it, defying gravity, disappears. And it is impossible not to stand there waiting for it to come back.

Keeping a feeling in silence is very bad, but, sometimes, you have to stop, reflect and feel it yourself. And you can't choose how you feel, but you can choose what to do about it. And now you know for sure that you will do everything to forget Kylian.

part 2 / part 3

note: so...let me know if you want a part 2 or 3 for this :* xx

[the-lonelybarricade]

Take My Hand, Wreck My Plans - Chapter 1

Summary: Fresh after her third, and final, breakup with Tamlin, Feyre decides a one night stand is exactly what she needs to get him out of her system. Except, her one night stand with a violet-eyed stranger ends up being far more than she bargained for.

-

Or; the one where Feysand gets knocked up from a one night stand. A contribution to @officialfeysandweek2023 Day 3: Family.

🌶️🌶️🌶️ ahead!

Read on AO3 ・Masterlist

-

Maybe, in hindsight, the third tequila shot had been a mistake.

The first one, though, had been strategic. Feyre had come to Rita’s that night with a purpose, and that purpose had rattled her to the bone. Her hands were shaking when she sat at the bar, and she frowned at her phone screen, watching the words as she struggled to keep her grip steady.

If she was going to do this, she needed a drink. An ounce of liquid courage that burned down her throat, bloomed in her chest and spread to her fingertips, loosening her body. It didn’t ease the tremble in her hands, but that had more to do with the small green text bubble that she’d been staring at since she got here.

Got stuck in traffic. I should be there in five x

Feyre set the phone on the bar so that she could run her palms over the black bodycon she’d squeezed herself into, hoping to erase the evidence of the sweat gathering in her palms. She was nervous. Of course she was nervous. She hadn’t done anything like this in… years.

It was Alis’s fault, really. Several nights ago, she’d discovered Feyre hunched over on the bathroom floor, sobbing into her hand as she sorted through nearly a thousand couples photos on her phone—again. It was the third time Feyre and Tamlin had broken up, which marked it the third time Feyre was erasing any evidence of him off her phone. The final time, she swore, well aware that the photos still sat in a hidden folder on her phone since she hadn’t summoned the courage to delete them permanently.

“Maybe you should go out,” Alis had suggested. “Meet someone new. Do something fun and impermanent.”

“Impermanent?” She’d blinked past her tears to force Alis’s frown into focus. “Do you mean like… a one night stand?”

Alis had shrugged. “I think it’d be good for you.”

Feyre had sat on that suggestion for a week, torturing herself with all of the usual post break-up rituals. Unfollowing him on instagram, archiving all the couples photos on her profile, stalking everyone in Tamin’s likes. And when Tamlin had posted a series of pictures of a barbeque from the weekend prior and Feyre had swiped to see her ex-boyfriend with his arm slung proudly around Amarantha’s waist—the girl he’d sworn she didn’t have to worry about—Feyre decided that maybe Alis was right. Maybe she did need to do something to help her move on from Tamlin permanently. She needed to find someone who could help her have fun, purge him out of her system for good.

In a surge of courage that Feyre now partially regretted, she had sent a text to her old college roommate.

I want to get drunk and slutty this weekend. You down?

Drunk and slutty? Feyre, did someone steal your phone? Kidding! You know ‘drunk and slutty’ is my legal name, of course I’m down! For real though, is everything okay?

Tamlin and I broke up.

Well, fuck him! Let’s go to Rita’s and have the drunkest, sluttiest time at his expense.

It had been years since Feyre had been to Rita’s. Mor and Feyre used to go to the nightclub semi-regularly when they had been living together in college, but Tamlin wasn’t very interested in nightlife and Feyre had stopped going shortly after they’d started dating. She’d stopped doing a lot of things, actually.

But she wouldn’t think about that now. She was here to forget Tamlin. She was here to get drunk and throw herself into the crowd of writhing bodies, losing herself in the music that he would have undoubtedly complained about.

She had forgotten how loud it was in Rita’s. Music thumped through the overhead speakers, set to such a high volume that Feyre could feel the bassline vibrating in her chest, elevating her already racing pulse.

“Feyre!”

A bright-eyed woman came racing up to Feyre, her long blonde hair swishing behind, falling just above the scoop of her backless red dress.

“It has been too long,” Mor declared, not waiting for Feyre to stand from the bar stool before she barrelled into her side. It helped that Mor was tall, especially in heels.

“It’s good to see you,” Feyre said—surprised by how much she meant it. “You look incredible, by the way.”

Mor’s red lips stretched into a smile as she ran her eyes over Feyre. She gave a low whistle. “Look who’s talking. You weren’t kidding when you said you wanted to get drunk and slutty. What are we having?”

“Tequila,” Feyre answered, fingers pinched around her empty shot glass.

“Really?” Mor scanned the crowd, lips pursed. “I was thinking I’d like a brunette.” She turned back to Feyre with a roguish smile and winked. “Tequila will do for now, though.”

If they were going to be dancing, Feyre was definitely going to be needing another shot. Usually by the time they’d made it out to Rita’s in college, they had already spent the evening nursing their low-budget alcohol that had tasted more like motor oil than whatever label had been slapped over it. Dancing hadn’t been an issue then, but that was a time when Feyre had felt freer.

At least now, she could afford a drink at the bar.

Or two.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Mor said, leaning against the bar after ordering a round of shots from the bartender. “I invited my cousin to join us.”

Feyre had a vague memory of the stories Mor used to tell about her cousin—one of her closest and only family members. It was good that Mor had invited someone else. Feyre had every intention of going home with someone tonight, and it was a relief to think she wouldn’t be abandoning Mor in doing so.

“The more the merrier.”

Mor grinned. There was a mischievous glint in her eye as she accepted the shot glasses from the bartender and passed one to Feyre. “To slutty new beginnings,” she said, raising the shot glass in the air.

With a short laugh, Feyre clinked her small glass against Mor’s, and together they knocked back their heads to down the numbing liquid. It didn’t take long after the heat hit the back of Feyre’s throat for Mor to grab her by the wrist and drag them both into the center of the dance floor.

The transition was difficult for Feyre at first. Her body was too stiff and there were too many people. It was difficult to keep from brushing shoulders with the other dancers while she tried—and failed—to copy Mor’s graceful movements while also keeping time with the upbeat music. Eventually, Mor laughed and grabbed Feyre’s hand.

“You’re thinking too much!” she called over the loud ambiance. Raising Feyre’s hand over her head, Mor twirled her in place, then tugged Feyre’s back to the front of her body. Mor’s hands fell to Feyre’s hips, flush against Mor’s as they swayed back and forth.

“Don’t look at what I’m doing,” she whispered into Feyre’s ear. There was a sensual scrape to her voice that caused Feyre to suppress a shiver. “Close your eyes and listen to the music. Move your hips against mine—does that feel good?”

“Mor!” Feyre whispered with a sharp laugh. Heat was rising to her cheeks, but she obediently shut her eyes and focused on the music. “Are you trying to teach me how to dance, or seduce me?”

Mor hummed impishly. “Can I not do both? I thought we were embracing our sluttiness tonight.”

“I’m going to end up wanting to go home with you,” Feyre said, only half teasing. She leaned back into Mor and raised her hands into the air, allowing her friend to guide their rhythm. “Everyone else is going to pale in comparison.”

“I don’t know about that.”

Mor’s voice was pointed enough that Feyre’s eyes fluttered open. A pair of striking eyes met hers, shining violet against the red lighting of the dance floor.

“Oh my—”

“Good luck,” Mor purred into her ear, before giving Feyre a soft push towards the purple-eyed man cutting towards them.

His lips were twisted into a devious smile, one that was eerily reminiscent of the friend who was rapidly disappearing into the crowd, gone before Feyre could scramble after her. Dancing couples closed into the space she left, pushing Feyre closer to the dark haired stranger.

“Hi,” she whispered, hoping he would blame her breathlessness on the dancing. “I’m Feyre.”

“Hi Feyre,” he said, flashing her a cat-like grin. “Care to dance?”

Feyre hadn’t even realized she had stopped. “Of course,” she said, though the music had become a distant white noise.

Embrace your sluttiness, Feyre chided herself, thinking of the way she and Mor had just been grinding against each other. With a slow, steadying breath, Feyre stepped closer to him. He was so tall that she could just barely wind her arms around his neck, and she was suddenly grateful she’d opted to wear heels despite how her feet were already aching.

His hands fell to her hips, warm and broad and far too respectful, considering she’d just pressed the entire front of her body against his.

“What’s your name?” She tried to mimic the way Mor had spoken to her just a moment ago—low and husky, sensual like the fragrant smoke blowing over the hard-tiled floor.

“Rhysand,” he said. “But my friends call me Rhys.”

“Rhys,” Feyre echoed, letting her tongue linger on the word, the same way she wanted to let it linger over the brown, tattooed skin she saw peeking through his black collared shirt. Why did that name sound familiar? She dropped one hand to his elbow, pushing it forward so that his hand slid around the curve of her hip and landed firmly on her ass.

“And what do your lovers call you, Rhys?”

“That depends,” he murmured. Those decadent eyes darkened, dropping to her mouth. “What would you like to call me?”

Daddy? She thought, feeling her entire body heat at the suggestion. That was clearly the tequila talking. Ordinarily, she would never dream of saying something like that out loud and now the word hung dangerously on her tongue.

She nearly said it. But she wasn’t that drunk yet.

Instead, Feyre took a solid moment to compose herself. Rhysand was staring at her expectantly, hardly dancing despite how their hips were flush and his palm pressed into her ass. She liked that he was patient, waiting to follow her lead, taking only what he was being freely given. More green flags than she was expecting from a stranger she’d picked up at a club.

With a face and body like his, she thought surely he must possess some significant shortcoming. At the very least, she expected he had to be a massive prick. But that didn’t matter. Because she wasn’t looking to marry him, or even have a conversation with him. He could be a self-absorbed asshole for all she cared, because after tonight she was never going to see him again. Which meant she could be bolder, say whatever she whatever—be whoever she wanted.

Feyre leaned up, curling her finger around his biceps to steady herself so that she could press her lips to his ear. “Tonight, Rhysand, I want to call you mine.”

He had to shout over the music to be heard. “Yours?”

“Yes,” she crooned, starting to feel the alcohol loosen her body, urging her to be brave, to be reckless. “Tonight, you’re only allowed to dance with me.”

The scent of his cologne tangled in the air, dark and heady like a raging ocean storm. There was no greater freedom that Feyre could imagine than throwing her arms open to the embrace of whipping wind, feeling the sea-spray in her hair and letting the riptide carry her to the vast horizon. At least for tonight, she wanted to drown in him and emerge someone new. Someone carefree and wild who couldn’t remember Tamlin’s name or why her heart was fractured.

Tonight, Rhys was hers. And she was his.

“Are you the jealous type, Feyre?”

From the way he posed the question, Feyre had the sense he found that appealing.

“I don’t like seeing people touch my belongings,” she said, playing into her new role. A seductress—an entirely different woman from the dull, caged-in Feyre who had walked through the door under an hour ago. “Unless that doesn’t apply to you?”

“Oh, Feyre darling,” Rhysand pulled away so that she could see the full extent of his grin. “I was yours from the moment I laid eyes on you.”

-

They’d hardly stumbled through the front door when Feyre’s back hit the wall. Her dress was already hiked up her hips. The hem had first slipped up when she’d wrapped her legs around Rhysand’s waist as they were coming up the stairs, and the hand he’d edged along her inner thigh certainly hadn’t done anything to help.

The fabric had been ungodly short already. Or at least, that’s what Rhysand had complained to her throughout the last several hours she’d spent grinding her barely clothed ass against him.

He said it one more time for good measure, gasping it against her lips—”This dress is going to kill me.”

“Then take it off.”

“Believe me, I have every intention of seeing you undressed,” he said. His eyes dipped to the cleavage spilling out to tops of the v-shaped neckline. He groaned, ducking his head to leave a trail of nipping kisses along the edge of the seam. With his face practically buried in her chest, he growled, “But first, I’m going to fuck you with it on.”

“Rhys—”

“Right here,” he interrupted, rolling his hips forward for emphasis. “Against this wall.”

His erection was thick, pressing through his trousers so that she could feel its shape perfectly against the soaked lace of her underwear.

Her response was compulsive and utterly reluctant. “I have a roommate.”

His head snapped up, rising from her chest to search her face for a moment, before he flashed her a shameless smile. “Better hope you can keep quiet, then.”

Oh, holy forgotten gods. Feyre’s muscles clenched at the idea—of the ways that he could help her to ensure she stayed quiet, picturing those large hands wrapping over her mouth. Or better yet, her throat. But they were both drunk, and likely incapable of staying quiet, and she was going to say more to protest, but he cut her off by slipping a hand between her thighs.

“Fuck,” he hissed under his breath, at the same time Feyre whimpered from the feeling of his thumb swiping against her clit. “Have you been this wet all night, Feyre?”

Yes. It was a show of extraordinary self control that she hadn’t asked Rhysand to take her in one of the alleyways behind Rita’s, like she’d contemplated doing several times when he’d been slowly grinding against her ass and whispering absolute filth into her ear.

Filth like describing what he was doing at this very moment, sliding her underwear down her legs.

He asked, almost casually, “Do you think you’ll need something to help you stay quiet?”

Surely he wasn’t suggesting…? Feyre bit her lip, feeling an anticipated thrill spike through her.

Trying her best to summon the seductress from Rita’s, she asked, “I think that depends on how confident you feel about your own… skill set.”

Rhysand clicked his tongue. “So bratty, Feyre.” He’d managed to slide her panties down her legs now, and she watched in disbelief as he balled them in his fist and raised the wet, crumbled fabric to her lips. “Open.”

She stared for a moment, unblinking, realizing that she’d never actually tasted herself before—except for the rare moments she’d been kissed after someone had gone down on her. It had never been unpleasant, but it had always been brief, accidental.

As if sensing her train of thought, or merely observing her hesitation, Rhysand licked her arousal off his fingers and smiled. “Don’t worry, darling. You taste exquisite.”

A bit dumbfounded, Feyre obediently parted her lips, allowing Rhysand to slip the balled up underwear into her mouth. The cotton stuck to her tongue, wet and tangy from her own arousal.

“Good girl, Feyre,” he said, stirring something dangerous and exhilarating inside of her. His thumb and forefinger squeezed against her cheeks, as if feeling the space the underwear took up in her mouth. “Do you taste how wet you are? So eager to be fucked.”

Her cheeks were heating up, embarrassed and aroused and trying to wade between those two conflicting feelings. No one had ever talked to her this way in the bedroom before. They weren’t even in the bedroom, and a strange part of her was getting off on the idea that Alis could walk out and find them like this, with her underwear in her mouth and a stranger praising her for being such an eager slut.

Rhysand’s fingers returned to her pussy, gliding through the wetness to tease at her entrance. She gasped, the sound smothered against her underwear, as he slowly slid a finger inside her, then another, sliding them both to the knuckle.

“Fuck,” he swore again. “I usually like to—I wanted to make you come first. On my fingers. But you’re so wet, Feyre. I think I could fuck you just like this. And I could put you on my tongue afterwards.”

Feyre’s head fell back against the wall. She bucked her hips forward, hoping her meaning was clear—just fuck me already, you asshole.

He laughed, hurriedly dropping a hand to his belt buckle to free himself from his trousers. She watched, saliva collecting in the recesses of her mouth as Rhys pushed his pants down just enough to free himself. He took his cock into his fist, pumping the thick length with two casual strokes before he adjusted himself at her entrance.

Feyre dug her fingers into his shoulder. She didn’t think any partner had ever been as big as he was, and it had been almost three months since she and Tamlin had last had sex.

“Is this what you want?” Rhys asked, pausing with his flushed head right against her cunt. She could feel it throbbing against her—or maybe that was her own ache building, so unbearable at times throughout the night that she’d barely resisted the urge to beg him to just bend her over one of the tables at Rita’s.

She thought of the last tequila shot they’d had before they left, how he’d poured the salt line against her throat, the way his tongue had scorched a path over her skin.

With a small, exasperated huff, Feyre ground against the head of his cock, trying to fuck herself on him if that’s what it would take.

That earned another cruel laugh. “I guess that answers my question,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. “Pretty, needy thing.”

Then, with her head still spinning from his praise, Rhysand thrust his hips forward. Feyre’s hands turned to fists against his shirt.

“Oh, fuck,” Rhys choked out, all of his suave confidence suddenly forgotten.

Feyre was forgetting everything, too. Like how to breathe. There was no room for air in her body anymore. It was being squeezed out of her, escaping in a single, surprised gurgle as she became aware of every nerve, blazing white-hot while her body searched for a way to accommodate the space that Rhysand was demanding.

The wall at her back became a cool, solid extension of his body, caging her against him, leaving no space to squirm away as the head of his cock pushed into a group of nerves that had Feyre clenching around him, desperate to escape because otherwise she would scream and surely wake up Alis. Rhys felt it, because his eyes went wide, and a moment later one of his large hands was covering her mouth.

His eyes were dark, the color of the night sky when the moon was swallowed whole. “Right there?” he asked, stilling his hips, lingering against the spot that was causing splotches to dot her vision.

Feyre’s head lulled back, wondering if she found a version of euphoria that was so pure, it bordered on pain. She started babbling nonsense around the underwear, rendered into wet and smothered sounds against his hand while she began writhing desperately against him, grinding his dull head against that cluster of nerves over and over—until she was drunk on it, on him, on the way he swore softly beneath his breath and whispered, “That’s it Feyre. Use me. Fuck yourself on my cock.”

He allowed her a moment to chase her own pleasure, his full lips splitting open in awe, eyes half-lidded as he watched her grind her hips. Then, he started meeting her with slow, precise motions, keeping himself directly in that spot so that he was fucking her there, forcing her to come undone with every tortuous roll of his hips.

“Gods, Feyre,” he panted. “You should see yourself like this. You’re so beautiful. Letting me fuck you in your little dress. You’re so—” he halted, their hips flush together so that he could grind against that spot in one slow, deliberate movement that had Feyre heaving, spluttering against the underwear and his hand as she felt herself tighten around him. “Fuck, you’re so perfect.”

Her nails bit into his skin. She knew it must have hurt, but he only groaned, saying nothing in protest as she slid one hand into his hair and tugged. She wasn’t even certain what she was trying to tell him. Fuck me or harder or don’t stop. Or just please.

Please, please please.

It didn’t matter. Rhysand’s breathing was ragged, practically as undone as she was as his hips continued their onslaught. The momentum pushed her into the wall with every thrust, resulting in a dull thumping noise that nearly drowned out the sound of their slapping skin, or her gushing arousal, or the wanton moans he smothered with his palm.

His pace staggered a bit, and she thought he must have been close because he opted to drop his hand from her mouth in favor of rubbing her clit. She could feel her own drool against his fingers, wet as he circled them between her thighs. Some of it was still dribbling over her chin, but the mess that she’d become was the last thing on her mind while she bit down fiercely on her underwear in an effort not to scream.

Feyre didn’t know how to tell him that she was going to come. She tugged on his hair, a low whine building in her throat.

That must have been enough, because he whispered, “Oh, Feyre—baby, I know. Look at me, darling.” It was an effort, but she pulled her head upwards, meeting his burning violet eyes. “Such a good girl. You’re going to come for me, yeah?”

She nodded, knowing her eyes were as wide and wild as his own. Feyre didn’t know why, but in the midst of the surge of pleasure ratcheting up her spine, she felt suddenly tempted to reach up and brush aside some of the hair that was plastered to his forehead. She wanted to see his face, memorize the shape of his mouth as it slackened into an open ‘o’, moments before he leaned forward to kiss her—undeterred by the drool or the underwear or her desperate gasp for air as the mix of sensations threatened to drown her whole.

Rhysand groaned. The vibration lingered on her lips, then rippled, the final push to topple her over the edge. Feyre jerked her hips, uncertain if she was trying to escape or chase the ecstasy violently crashing over her body, causing every muscle to contract. Rhys kept her still, kept the rhythm of his fingers steady even as his own pace faltered. He gasped into her mouth, driving his cock deeper before his body stilled and she could feel the distant, pleasantly warm sensation of his release.

For a moment, the hallway went starkly quiet, disturbed only by their ragged breathing. Their chests rose and fell, brushing idly against each other like the sea over the shore. Eventually, Rhysand was the first to move—pulling his fingers from her clit so that he could push them into her mouth and pry the underwear free.

It made a horrifying squelching sound as the fabric hit the floor. Feyre met his eyes, mortified, but his lips were already stretching into a smile that immediately chased away her concern. He thought it was funny. That tugged a small smile to her lips too, and then they were laughing softly together as Rhysand errantly swiped his thumb over her chin, wiping away the excess saliva.

“Do you think we woke up your roommate?” he asked.

“If not, we can always try again. In my bedroom, this time.”

Rhys grinned. His hands slid down to support her weight so that he could pull them away from the wall. “Which door is yours?”

-

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit—Shit!”

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door.

“Feyre?” Alis called. “Everything okay?”

“Just a minute,” Feyre called, in a voice which betrayed that everything was most definitely not okay.

She raised the small, digital stick closer to her face out of some misguided hope that the double lines were just a trick of the light. There was no way she was actually pregnant. She was on the pill, and she’d been taking the doses mostly on time.

Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic—

“Shit.”

[hoodharlow]

The 3rd Act

AN: everyone thank that anon 🤪

Requested? By anon

Warnings: breakup news, messy comments, and shady posts 👀

Word Count: n/a

@'pagesix: Kentucky native, Jack Harlow and the daughter of Mateo Dominguez and Isabela Miller, Miriam Dominguez-Miller, split after two years from a source close to the Grammy nominated rapper. Details on why the couple split aren't known, but both remaim friends and still support each other's projects. Click on our bio for more

@'mackstan: I just fell to my knees 😭

@'miriamfan: they were just promoting Jack's cameo in SZA's music video 💔

@'mackshipper: April fools is in April, not rn

@'jackstan: as much as I joke about wishing Jack was single, this is lowkey sad

@'miriamhater: kinda pathetic that her name is always attached to her parents

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@'mdm: just entered my Broadway era 🥺😭 In all seriousness, I feel super honored to be part of the cast for the 30th anniversary of The Nightstmare Before Christmas. Being on Broadway is a dream come true and I want to thank everyone who's been so supportive of this. Can't wait for y'all to see what the cast and I have in store. Opening night on October 6th <3

@'katdominguez: since when did you stop being scared of this movie

-> @'mdm: I'm faking it till I make it 😭

@'saintclauds: proud of you bestirini 🥺

@'zendaya: already booking my ticket. I'll be in the front row

-> @'theestallion: get me a ticket too, I'll venmo you

-> @'Kehlani: me three

@'haileybieber: excited for this!

@'miriamstan: and when she wins a Tony then she'll be the youngest EGOT winner 🤭

-> @'miriamhater: yeah thanks to nepotism

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@'jackharlow: Denver out now

@'nuggets: 🔥

@'urbanwyatt: this was everything

@'shloob: ain't missed on a vid ever

@'nicolescherzinger: everything about this was breathtaking

@'twittergirlie: what if they posted the breakup news to get people talking about them so they could release their projects and get hype

-> @'mdmxjh: they don't need to provide fake news to get people to talk about them. They just have the misfortune of having people not root for their relationship like Justin and his wife

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Jack Harlow via Instagram Stories

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@'justjared: more than co-stars? Euphoria star, Jacob Elordi, and the daughter of Mateo Dominguez and Isabela Miller, Miriam Dominguez, were spotted out in New York. The Australian also shared a picture of himself with 24 year old actress backstage during rehearsals for their Broadway production of The Night Before Christmas. 🔗 in bio for more

@'internetstan: this mf collects nepo babies like infinity stones

@'jackfan: the New Balances, she knows where her loyalties are lol

@'miriamfan: the matching outfits down to brown shoulder bag 😭 Jack could never

@'zendayastan: isn't Miriam friends with Z? The number one rule of girl code is to no go after your friend's ex

-> @'miriamfan: first of all, Miriam and Jacob have explicitly said they are friends and co-stars. This is some bs click bait. Also Z and Miriam were spotted getting lunch a few days ago. I don't think Z cares her friend is working with Jacob. Do you think Z came for Laura Harrier when they did some perfume ad together or at Hunter who had several scenes with Jacob in Euphoria. This is work. People are bound to work with their friend's exes.

@'mackshipper: why only post this angle. There's a video on tiktok where a bee kept following Miriam and Jacob was using a paper to remove it off her

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@'mdm: I adopted Daisy Flor Dominguez-Miller three years ago. Miss when she was a puppy and not the sassy it girl that she has become

@'JosephDominguez: your ass still owes me for helping your sneak her in the house

@'medegutierrez: Panchito's bestie 🦦

-> @'calumhood: Actually Duke is Panchito's bestie, he told me himself

@'40yearoldweirdo: bring back natural makeup like this. None of that caked up shit

-> @'mdm: literally wearing full glam with lashes and a brown smokey eye be so fucking fr you weirdo

@'mackstan: they really broke up huh 😪😔 no more Jack being unserious in her comments 💔

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Jack Harlow via Instagram Stories

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@'jacobelordi via Instagram Stories

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@'jackharlowsource: some behind the scenes of 3D

@'jackxmiriam: he's in his outfit flop era. Miriam would style him DOWN

@'jackfan: he's on to better things like working with literal idols

-> @'miriamfan: Miriam introduced them when she and JK filmed their Calvin Klein ad. She's the reason why he has these connections

@'jackstan: can Miriam stans leave y'all are being annoying 🙄

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@'chismepage: awkward moments at Jay Z and Michael Rubin's Reform Alliance charity casino night when recent exes Jack Harlow and Miriam Dominguez-Miller, walk past each other with out another word. Sources at the party mentioned that Harlow greeted Mateo Dominguez and Isabela Miller, but curved their youngest daughter whom he had been in a two year relationship. It's still unknown why the couple split up. 🔗 for more

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@'zendayac.96: Z at the opening night of The Nightmare Before Christmas supporting long time friend Miriam Dominguez-Miller

@'zstan: two Emmy award winning besties

@'mackshipper: did anyone happen to see Jack 😭 I'm holding out for hope

-> @'tomsdaya: hold out for delusion bestie

@'twitterstan: need them to play lovers in a movie like yesterday

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Clay Harlow via Instagram Stories

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@'jackharlowsource: Jack at the Lousiville and Notre Dame game today on Oct. 6th

@'jackstan: since when does he have a dump truck back there lol

@'mackshipper: 😔 I was hoping he'd go to opening night 🥺 his parents, Clay and Clay's girlfriend went

@'miriamhater: he's living his best life now that the annoying nepo baby is done riding his coattails

@'twittergirlie: the mullet is mulleting

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@'jacobelordi: conquering opening night jitters the Evans siblings way

Comments have been limited

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@'mdm: no big deal just me at mother Kelly Clarkson's show talking about my directorial debut and Broadway then I closed the show with a teaser for Last Dance. Before y'all do your conspiracy theories, Tenemos Que Hablar was about my character and her first love interest. It has nothing to do with my personal life. Anyways watch me embarrass myself talking about the Justin and Kelly movie

@'mdmxjh: she left THEE Kelly Clarkson GAGGED with how effortlessly she did that note

@'twitterstan: nepotism aside Miriam is so fucking talented. The pop girlies are lucky she's mainly an actress.

@'mackshipper: was she shading Jack in her new song?

-> @'miriamfan: re-reading her fucking caption. It was made for the movie WAY before they broke up 🙄🙄🙄

@'saintclauds: you're a staurrr

@'andreiiosivas: Spotify when

@'Alinahunter: literally obsessed qith you 🥰 can't wait to see you on stage 1937383 more times

@'zendaya: YES!

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@'saintclauds: my bestirini joined me on today's episode of Girl Chat. We talked about ice makers, Libra men with pretty hair and going back to school in the middle of performing a Broadway play

@'mdmfan: I love me some Miriam and Claudia 🤞🏻 they're so funny together

@'miriamstan: as an immigrant kid can she not set a new standard for us academically 😭 my mom is gonna be on my ass bc Miriam is doing her masters and Broadway at the same time

@'saintclaudsxmdm: when they would go 👀 at each other and change the subject 🤭 they have so much chisme lol

@'miriamhater: she couldn't even mention Jack's name when she talked about the movie 🙄 she's so annoying

-> @'mackshipper: can you leave her alone? If she doesn't want to mention Jack she shouldn't. She's not obligated to just because they were in a movie

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@'andreiiosivas: 🎁😎🥰

@'mdm: *Schmidt from New Girl* A libra man?! No!

-> @'andreiiosivas: why your surprised? The second thing you asked me what my Big 3 were 💀 I'm taking the icemaker back

-> @'mdm: no <3

-> @'miriamfan: Ariana what are you doing here

@'NFL: Joe Burrow gave him the best birthday present

@'saintclauds: no I get it

-> @'medegutierrez: 🦦

-> @'Alinahunter: okay I see it 👀

-> @'giahunter: y'all are so inconspicuous 😭 but 👀👀👀

@'twittergirlie: why are Miriam and her friends here 👀

@'twitterstan: he's a Libra man with pretty hair 👁👄👁

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@'jackharlow: Here I come

@Druski: miss you gang

@'claybornharlow: let's fucking GOOOO

@'laufey: hyped

@generationnow: 🔥up

@'miriamhater: a diss album 🤭 drag that bitch

@'messyman: idk if you saw but your ex bitch is in some other dude's comments

@'miriamfan: as long as he doesn't diss Miriam we're good

@'mackshipper: I'm a sucker for breakup albums but not my parents </3

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@'miriam_spottings: Miriam out with Princeton Alum/ Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver, Andrei Iosivas, after her sold out show at Minskoff Theater

@'twitterstan: are football players the new trend 😭

@'mdmxjh: I'm a child of divorce fr 💔

@'miriamfan: everyone was worried she was with her co-star only for her to pop out with an NFL player. It's kinda camp if you think about it 😭

@'mackshipper: no shade but damn that was quick

@'mdmstan: Miriam’s back in her WAG era we love to see it

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@'jackharlowsource: More videos of Jack at @'thehubpm

@'mdmfan: I'd be blasting corny breakup music too if my ex (that was WAY out of my league in the first place) was seen with a fine ass NFL player who went to an Ivy League

@'miriamfan: when you're at football games but her new man is IN them 😭

@'jackstan: Jack don't embarrass me like this be strong not petty 😭

@'jhxmdm: I didn't want it to end like this 😔

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Taglist: @sativachilombo @heavyhitterheaux  @cherry4everrr ​ @carma-fanficaddict  ​ @youngharleezy  @youngharleezyxo  ​ @babyharleezy  ​ @that-90s-girllll  ​ @alinaharlow  @harlowcomehome  @nattinatalia  @webinurcloset  @gassyandsassy1  @jackharloww  @awhore4moree  @noescapricho-essentimiento  @neon-lights-and-glitter  @purecinnamonextract  @whywontyoulovemecami  @camificrecs  @itsyagirljaz  @w1ldthoughts @vanwritesfan-fiction  @xxkoolkatxx

[thursdaywritings]

Social Media Blues

Bucky Barnes x Daughter!Reader

A/N: hello y’all this is like my first ever fic so pls do not judge me too harshly </3

Request: hi could you do bucky barnes x daughter!reader where he accidentally finds out that she is gay and maybe different pronouns? like he finds her social media and it kind of outs her i don’t know haha. maybe some angst but then fluff at the end?? ty and happy holidays!

Warnings; being outed & not being accepted, homophobia, but fluff at the end dw

Word Count; 2.1k

Coming out was never something you had an immense urge to do, you were content being closeted. Growing up as a lesbian in the 40s was rough, even decades later the fear and trauma you faced towered over you, eating you alive daily.

As you adjusted to the 21st century, you were set up with social media accounts. Most public, but you had private accounts for the closest of your circle. Which is where you met your girlfriend of eight months, nine next Tuesday, but who’s counting? You had finally gotten together after months of commenting jokingly flirtatious words on each other's Instagram posts. It wasn’t a surprise to your mutual friends when you got together, lightheartedly rolling their eyes as they commented various forms of “finally!” on your private relationship debut. But, it would be a surprise to everyone else in your life. Most importantly, your father Bucky Barnes, and your not-by-blood uncle, Steve Rogers. Thinking about it too much made your stomach like, clench up, and the feelings of spinning nausea wash over you.

It was now the middle of June. Wincing as you turned on the blinding light of your phone while laying in bed late into the night because let’s be real here, you had no clue what “dark mode” is. Opening your photo gallery, smiling as you swipe through the abundance of images taken of your girlfriend & you at yesterday’s sunset date. On a whim, you decide to change your profile picture to an almost, silhouette-esque photo of you & your girlfriend kissing. Noticing the new pronoun feature, you decide to add those as well. You could feel your heartbeat race as you hit the “done” button and excitedly spam your girlfriend with the news, falling asleep with a smile on your face minutes later.

3 am rolls around, your father & uncle heading up to the shared apartment floor after a grueling mission, snapping back into reality when the elevator dings. They go their separate ways with a small nod, and Bucky ever so softly opens your door to check in on you. The first night he got you back a couple of years ago, you could have sworn you heard the door open at least 30 times throughout the night. Seeing you safe & sleeping, he haphazardly unloads his baggage in his room and flops down on the couch. The soft buzz of the TV is the only sound to be heard that late, and he mindlessly flips through several different channels before sighing and giving up. He never used his phone much, as to him, there was no need besides the occasional text to you or Steve. Maybe even Sam, granted they weren’t in a petty fight. He taps on Instagram, furrowing his brows as he comes across an account in his recommended with a profile picture that looks strangely like you. His daughter. Kissing someone, another girl. A girl you had never brought around him, but with Bucky being Bucky, he knew who she was. His breath hitches as his eyes frantically scan the little information your account provides, nothin’ but a short bio, the profile picture, and what he learned to be pronouns. His face scrunches up in confusion as he realizes your pronouns aren’t well, typical.

He shuts his phone off and faces it flat down beside him on the couch. He runs his hands through his hair while trying to process all of this new information. How could his baby girl be a lesbian? I mean, he was the last guy to be homophobic, or anything of that sort, but being a man of the 40s he still had the occasional old thoughts. He had assumed you dead for decades before you were found, hoping you had married the guy of your dreams and had kids, maybe even grandkids. His teammates constantly teased him about how he was going to have to deal with boys takin’ ya out soon. This is not what he had hoped for, or thought, not at all.

He doesn’t sleep that night. Your alarm blares at 6 am, rolling over to slam it off. Begrudgingly, you make your way out of your room to the kitchen, finding Steve already eating breakfast at the bar. He looks up to give you a friendly smile before quickly getting back to his food. “Have you seen dad?” you question, as he was usually up way before 6. Swallowing quickly Steve answers “Uh. No, actually. We did get back, quite late though. Could still be sleepin’. Ya know how he is.” You really didn’t know what Steve meant, but you nod anyway and sit down as Steve is getting up. Checking the time, he gives you a quick side hug and heads to training after cleaning up.

Hearing the elevator close, Bucky makes his way out of his room, refusing to meet your concerned eyes for several minutes. “Hellloo? How was the mission?” you say for the second time. He looks up and mumbles a quick, incomprehensible response under his breath. Guess he wasn’t in a talking mood, you thought before rinsing your bowl under the sink. You could feel the thick tension in the room and you didn’t understand why. Deciding to get out of the tower for the day to escape it, you quietly turn to go towards your room. “Wait.”, the unmistakable voice of your father harshly states. “Sit down, please.” Nervously you slide a chair out across from him and sit waiting for whatever bomb he’s about to drop on you. Fumbling with his phone, he pulls up your not-so-secret profile and slides it over to you. “Can you..explain to me this?”

You gaze bewilderedly at the profile picture as if it was staring back just mocking you. Even though your eyes are clearly welling with thick tears, you try to play it cool, and frantically think of a B.S excuse along the lines of “Ohhhhh. That’s a like, really really old private account I made. Completely forgot about it. You know how like, the media and uh. Public get, just wanted a place I could not have to worry about all..that?” He looks up at you unimpressed. He’s old, not stupid.

“Are you..gay? What’s with the..kissing?” he manages to choke out in a repulsed tone. You stare down at the table, transfixed in studying the diverse patterns and grain in an attempt to focus on something, anything other than the fact that your life is crashing around you. You know there's no getting out of it, this wasn’t how you had planned this going at all. There was no plan in the first place. Tears are spilling down your face and yet, he’s still staring blankly at you. “I...I’m a lesbian. I’m sorry. I...I don’t know.” you mumble out in a haze, your head in your hands. Bucky pushes himself back, stumbling out of his chair to pace in endless circles around the kitchen. You watch him through your fingers as your heart sinks further and further down. Sobs wrack through your body as you desperately spew every built-up thought out “This..this is exactly why I didn’t tell you! I knew you would react like this. I knew it. I didn’t want to believe it, but you proved me right once again. Do you know how hard this has been for me..for years! Years, dad. I’m sorry. I tried so hard to “fix” myself so it wouldn’t come down to this, I never wanted you to find out.” He watched you quietly as you briskly walked away from the scene of the near murder, attempting to slow your exceedingly accelerated heartbeat.

The lighting dims and you have yourself still locked in your room, not being able to bare facing him again. It’s now 11 pm, laying half-asleep in your bed until you hear a faint knock at your door. “Just..go please.” The golden round doorknob jiggles and you groan in annoyance as it opens. “Don’t worry, it’s just me. Buck’s not around.” your favorite (and only) uncle softly says. You nod and feel the corner of your bed dip down as Steve sits down

“My opinion? I think he’s a total dick for all that. Don’t tell anyone I said that, but it’s true.” A faint smile tugged at the corners of your lips at the curse word Steve just dropped. “I didn’t really plan what I was going to say, but I’m proud-a ya, kid. This...It doesn’t change my opinions towards you, not even in the slightest. I’m sorry for what he did, you don’t deserve this.” he rants. “Thank you, Steve. It’s nice to know that Captain America has my back.” you tease. “‘Course’. Would really love to meet this girl of yours sometime though. Swing her around whenever you two are comfortable.” he smiles and pats your knee as he gets up to leave. The heavy sound of your door shutting once more rings through your ears, and you close your eyes once more.

Of course, as you are peacefully lulling off to sleep yet another soft rapping of knuckles on the doorframe sets off a hoard of butterflies in your stomach. The door partially cracks open once more, followed by the soft voice of your father “Could we talk?”. A wave of dread rushes over you, unknown if this was the end. The end of movie nights, ordering in greasy take out, directly against the suggestions of Steve. The end of shushing eachothers boisterous laughter when trying to hide after pranks. The end of your relationship, the one you just got back into your grasps. After a bout of silence, he feels compelled to enter regardless. He’s prepared a speech, but his mind goes blank as he examines your visibly frightened body language. His heart pangs, knowing he’s the one who put you in this position, something he promised to never do.

“You..you know I’m not good at these things. That’s..that’s...not an excuse.” he says, breaking the tranquilent silence. Shifting uncomfortably in your bed, you prop yourself up to get a proper view of him. Getting down on his knees at the side of your bed, he continues “I love you. I’m not mad at you, I could never be mad at you. The way I reacted, it was shitty. Selfish. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you…but all I could think about was myself. I know that’s not how I should have reacted at all, and I’m really sorry, doll. I was..scared? Worried?”

His own eyes now are filled with tears, as he lightly grips your bedsheets. “I know how..gay people were treated back then, even now.. and I didn’t want you to face that. I guess I thought that by trying to deny it, you would be safe. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me, all I’ve ever wanted was your happiness.” Now sitting up, your face twists in deliberation, eyes flicking back and forth desperately scanning his face for any sign of dishonesty. You didn’t expect this, not in the slightest. Taking in his words, your mind is racing with every possible response, feeling overwhelmed. You gulp and nod, mumbling out a small “I- I understand. I mean..obviously I know how it was back then. It still affects me today. I know nowadays it’s a lot more accepted…but the guilt like, consumes me everyday. Especially with us being so much in the public eye, I didn’t well, want to embarrass anybody if it got out.”

“You could never embarrass me doll, especially with something like this. I mean, have you SEEN my reputation? Anyways, seriously, do you have a girl? Because really! Love to meet her sometime. What’s her name? How did you guys meet? She treat you right? You treat her right?” jokingly rapid firing questions at you as you giggle with each one. “Alright, I’ll let you get back to sleep. ‘Night.” he says softly, giving you a bear hug before exiting your room. For the first time in decades, you sleep like a feather, one of the biggest weights you were bearing finally hoisted off your shoulders.

[localcryptidsteg]

Tracing, Stye Theft, and the need to be Unique

A comment chain on Instagram got me thinking about these things earlier. Someone asked what common art advice is actually bad advice, and I left a short list that Ive heard, among which is "dont trace."

Naturally, this ruffled some feathers, but heres the deal: so long as you arent line-for-line copying the majority of someone elses work and passing it off as yours? Theres absolutely nothing wrong with tracing. Copying and tracing are two different things; think back to the old "how to draw" books. How they blocked out anatomy and taught you the relative distance of things with lines and joints. Tracing... is essentially doing the same thing. As a learning tool for personal use, being able to take a picture and draw the skeletal frame over it helps you with perpesctive and anatomy immensely! It even helps in stylization. Tracing develops the skills you need in order to replicate something, replication develops the skills you need in order to stylize.

Which brings us to our next issue.... style theft isnt a thing. It doesnt exist. Unless youre forging paintings and passing them off as the real deal, there is absolutely zero reason not to look at the techniques and stylization your favorite artists use and replicate that. Again, it helps you develop skills like shading and coloring and lineart. And having your own "style"? One that has to be completely different from anyone elses? Thats bullshit! Most artists dont even have ONE style. The best artists have several and go out of their way to continue learning more!

Think of it this way: we wouldnt have 2d animation if actual artists gave a flying fuck about their "style" being copied. The Renaissance artists would never have risen to prominence if their teachers hadnt sat them down and told to paint how they did. Bob Ross would never have had a tv show if mimicking how someone else creates mattered in any way at all.

The way you develop your own style is simply this: you look at your favorite artists, you analyze what elements of their work make your brain happy and what are enjoyable for you to do, you mash them all together and voila. Your very own (not really at all) "unique" style.

I think this frankly terrible and counterintuitive art advice trend is killing artists. When you go online as an artist and preach to a bunch of younger aspiring artists that invaluable tools for growth are inherently bad and wrong and theyre evil for using them, you do three things at once:

First, you make them fear creation. "I want to draw or sculpt or knit or what have you, but what if I accidentally copy someone? Then Id be a bad person!"

Second: you kill the joy of creation. They become too focused on the end result and never really learn how to make for the sake of making.

Third: you block their avenues of progress. In order to get better at your craft, you really do have to try everything. Trying to make certain techniques into something "off limits" only serves to hinder that progression. It causes stagnation which in turn causes frustration, which leads us back to issue 2.

When I was a kid, my grandma would drive two hours to my city every year for my birthday, and every year she would take me to the art museum. My grandma loved art with every fiber of her being. She was thrilled when my mom went to art school. She was estatic when my sibling and I took up drawing. But she never, EVER tried to make anything herself. See, when she was in school, her art teacher had told her she wasnt very good. And she, being a kid, believed it. And she stopped trying. She would never color with me and my sibling, would never try drawing with us when we begged her to join in. Shed chuckle and say "oh, I couldnt draw a straight line with a ruler!" And sit and watch us work and rave over how good we were at it instead.

When she hit about 80 or so, her memory started going. But she still loved the museum and she still loved art. One of my aunts talked her into taking one of those "how to paint" classes at a little studio near her house. She painted a cake. And you know what? It was a really friggin good painting! Itd be hanging in my room right now if my aunt hadnt called dibs!

My point is this: anyone of any skill level can learn to draw or paint or whatever. Im a major proponent of this; I always have been. But shaming creatives for how they do it, for how they learn it, for what they make? That destroys the drive to create, and it can last a lifetime. Who knows what my grandma could have made if not for that teacher? Who knows how many young artists felt nothing but shame and guilt over their work and quit because of bad-faith art advice?

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

JINJER's TATIANA SHMAILYUK Celebrates Seven Months Of Sobriety

Vocalist Tatiana Shmailyuk of Ukrainian modern metal frontrunners JINJER is celebrating seven months of sobriety.

On Saturday (July 15),the 36-year-old singer shared a new mirror selfie on Instagram and she captioned it: "#7monthssober today. Let's see how far I can get".

Last December, Tatiana spoke to Radioactive MikeZ, host of the 96.7 KCAL-FM program "Wired In The Empire", about how she met her husband, former SUICIDE SILENCE and current P.O.D. touring drummer Alex Lopez. She said: "I met him through Internet. Of course, he was a famous person in the heavy music industry. So I liked him. And then it kind of happened that they [SUICIDE SILENCE] invited us to be a support act for them in Bratislava, Slovakia back in 2017. So I was, like, 'Well, that's destiny.' We took a picture together after the show. And then we started chatting through Internet. It was not very consistent talk — once a month, once every three months, short [messages]. And then we were talking about us, JINJER, coming to the States, and at that time it seemed impossible to come here, because, oh my God. [Laughs] And a year after, in 2018 I think, we went to the United States supporting CRADLE OF FILTH. And he came to our show to say hi and stuff. And then here and there, that's how it happened. So I think I made it happen. [Laughs]"

When Radioactive MikeZ noted that she was the "aggressive one," Tatiana clarified: "Not aggressive, no. I just was more enthusiastic. You know what I mean. Sometimes women have to do the first step to get what we want. [Laughs]"

Tatiana also talked about what it was about Alex's appearance that first drew her to him. She said: "Yeah, I felt like he looks like me, but like a male version of me. We're both shorties, brown eyes, brown hairs. I love Mexican culture, and he's full-blown Mexican."

Asked how she likes living in Whittier, California, where she shares a home with Lopez, Tatiana said: "Well, I like it because it's in the middle of everything — 30 minutes to downtown L.A., 30 minutes to Laguna Beach, 30 minutes to another beach to another beach and another beach, and then an hour to Big Bear mountains. So it's the perfect location. But I don't go out much because, honestly, I didn't find anything to go out to. [Laughs] And I have a lot of work to do, so I'm just sitting there chilling in the house, enjoying the sun and hummingbirds flying here and there. So, [it's] pretty cool. I love California in general — it's a beautiful place. I don't think there's a big difference between [Whittier] and another small town somewhere in California."

JINJER will embark on its own headline tour following the band's support dates on DISTURBED's 2023 "Take Back Your Life" trek with fellow special guests BREAKING BENJAMIN. The headline trek kicks off on September 7 in Huntsville, Alabama, making stops across Canada and the U.S., including Quebec City, Montreal, Toronto and more before wrapping up in Vancouver on September 25. Several of the tour's stops are produced by Live Nation.

JINJER played its first live show since Russia's invasion of Ukraine on June 10, 2022 at last year's edition of the Greenfield Festival, which was held in Interlaken, Switzerland. The concert took place just days after it was announced that JINJER had been given permission from authorities to leave their war-torn nation and tour Europe as ambassadors of the country.

[gotlovetechnique]

2024...the comeback!

I'm stepping back into the aesthetic photography world after several years of hiding away so I could get my life back on track, to say the least. I feel the joy again when I see pretty things, and lately, I've been feeling the urge to capture some of it in photos that I want to share here again. Looking back on it, there were so many photos of mine that never even made it here?? I want to change that and definitely share more of my own stuff this time around. I did have a brief stint on Flickr and Instagram, but tumblr is the coziest and definitely where I want my homebase to be going forward as a hobby photographer. It's also a huge relief to finally understand that I don't have to "be" someone or "make it" with anything I do, ever. I can just share pictures because I think something is pretty and it makes me happy. I love the peace that comes with maturity.

Thought about changing my username to something different. but at the end of the day, it really says it all, doesn't it? New wave and vaporwave, my two favorite music and art movements, and I see my style as a combination of the old and the new. Sending love to you all <3

EDIT - new era, new username actually

[rifki16]

Living with Him the Manga

Picture credit: https://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2024-02-29/toworu-miyata-living-with-him-boys-love-manga-gets-live-action-tv-series/.208135

As we’re just now counting days before the airing of Living with Him live-action on April 12, I want to review the work it’s based on, the manga. This analysis will bring up several big themes I found interesting or common, just like my review of At 25:00, in Akasaka.

Synopsis: Natsukawa Ryouta and Tanaka Kazuhito were close friends in grade school, after which they were separated during their high school years. When they got into the university, they became roommates. The manga, and the live series, zeroes in on the domesticity of these parted close friends.

SPOILERS ALERT DUH

Old yet still very much alive parted love

One of the most-used tropes of BL by Japanese showrunners is the idea that A had a crush on B when they were in High School or sometimes in the past. Then, for one reason or another, A never told B that he had a crush on him. When they become older, or when they already work, A and B cross paths, and B slowly falls in love back to A whose crush never died out all this time. This trope is used in Perfect Propose, Naked Dining, My Beautiful Man, and arguably, Minato’s Laundromat.

The use of this trope in this series is actually quite unique. In Perfect Propose, A, Kai, was very aggressive, and B, Hiro, was given a shock of reality and love when they crossed path. In Naked Dining, A, Mahiro, was quite timid, and B, Ichijou, was very oblivious to the situation so much that it took the show so many episodes until B finally realized A’s crush and his affection for him. In this series, A, Tanaka Kazuhito a.k.a. Hito, has a crush on B, Natsukawa Ryouta a.k.a. Ryo, ever since grade school. But when they cross paths during their university years, Hito was not as aggressive as Kai nor was, he as timid as Mahiro.

In my opinion, he was really about to accept that he was just going to be a close friend to Ryo. Ryo seemed not to even notice Kazuhito during the Middle School and High School years.

“We have not even seen each other for years”. -Ryo Chapter 1, page nine.

That statement by Ryo was actually false, we later recount that Kazuhito actually talked with Ryo, at least once. The fact that Ryo didn’t remember it just shows the insignificance of Kazuhito’s presence was during their post-grad school era. This was later affirmed by Ryo.

“…[E]ven if you say we were childhood friends, you’re basically a different person now”. -Ryo Chapter 1, page 14.

The opposite is true for Kazuhito. He always has a crush on Ryo. The High School era conversation that I mentioned several sentences ago was, in chapter seven, when Kazuhito had a horrible accident that might change who he is, and he asked Ryo about what would happen if you didn’t feel like the old you anymore, without revealing to him that he had a life-changing accident. When they parted ways after grad school, Kazuhito tried to calm his brain about his crush on Ryo.

“After we went to different High Schools, we had even less contact with each other. ‘This is probably for the best. Before long, I’ll forget about him, and fall for someone else. But in the end, that someone else never shows up”. Kazuhito, Chapter 7 pages eight to nine.

I suppose that I can argue as well that the conversation that Kazuhito had with Ryo when they were high schoolers also strengthened Kazuhito’s crush on Ryo.

This is how I see how the trope’s flaw usually appears. It’s just weird for me to have an undying love/crush for someone for so long without any reminder of said love/crush. Maybe I’m too pessimistic. In Perfect Propose, I think it was a nice work of drama fiction to hold on to a love for so long without any contact with your crush since Kai and Hiro were never friends on Facebook or Instagram as a mean to hold on to the ember so to speak. In Naked Dining, it's basically the same, but at least Mahiro was a friend of Ichijou’s grandmother. It’s pretty easy to say that maybe, his grandmother might say one thing or two about Ichijou, without her knowing that Mahiro has a crush on Ichijou, hence, the love can be preserved. Side note: I think in Naked Dining, they tried to paint Mahiro as someone who was community-oriented and even though he has a crush on Ichijou, his feelings have taken a back seat but not that far from the front seat, ergo, it seemed like the love ember was dormant until Ichijou showed up.

However, in Living with Him, the love ember was justifiably red-hot flaming when Kazuhito got reunited with Ryo. Ryo and Kazuhito still see each other until Middle School albeit maybe not as often as when they were in grad school. And, when they became high schoolers, Kazuhito had that very fundamental and inspiring conversation which he kept in his core memory, to borrow a term from Inside Out, that he can always replay during his HS years to remind him of why he loves Ryo. I think it’s a balanced way to write love, not too fictional, and not some precise quantitative positivist precise feelings. However, time waits for no one, Kazuhito might have his love for Ryo, and infrequent interactions might make people stuck on the idea of a person rather than what the person really is, which brings me to the second topic.

The perfect seme

This is also one of the biggest tropes of Japanese BL works: the perfect seme. From Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice But to Kiss, Cherry Magic in all of its franchise works, Love Is Better the Second Time Around, I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama, to the work which I have very mixed feelings about: Hitorijime My Hero. When I say perfect, I don’t just mean, popular, if it’s just popular, we have more examples to sift through. What I mean by perfect is that the guy is smart, sociable, athletic, and of course popular. In Cherry Magic, Kurosawa was this dazzling guy who was very calm and cool in every situation, very athletic, could reach the high notes of any song, and was basically the ace in the sales department. In I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama, Yuichiro was this athletic guy who did everything he could to really embody, get it?, his roles. One thing is true of being “perfect” in any situation, nothing is really that perfect, that flawless. Japanese BL works are no exception. In all of the works that I have mentioned, we all learn part by part how the seme is not really that perfect.

Living with Him uses the same trope in presenting Kazuhito. First, we know him as this very popular High Schooler who played in the national baseball tournament.

“I think that’s great. Even at my school, Kazuhito-kun is crazy popular.” – Ryo’s sister about his brother living arrangement during his university years. Chapter one page nine.

Even Ryo already acknowledged how cool Kazuhito is in the first chapter.

“When I’m close to him, his vibe makes me feel like… …I’m inferior and about to die.” – Ryo. Chapter one page 12.

One thing led to another, Ryo asked Kazuhito to a “pretend date” in the first chapter. During their supposed date, even Ryo couldn’t find a flaw in Kazuhito.

“His clothes aren’t too dull or tacky” – Ryo. Chapter two page three.

“He’s like the sun” – Ryo. Chapter two page six.

Ryo even dared to tell Kazuhito’s friends that he found this guy that he lives with doesn’t have any flaws.

“No… Just the other day we tried to find some of his flaws, but we didn’t really find anything…” – Ryo in answering a question of Haruna, one of Kazuhito friends. Note: this is from the unofficial translation. Chapter three page six.

Of course, the perfect man gets all the girls, right? This image of the perfect man is actually still used in Japan. I think before the manga reveals that Kazuhito actually loves Ryo, Kazuhito-kun was heavily portrayed as this pussy magnet by everyone around him, including Ryo.

“If you already have one now, let me know beforehand if she’s coming over. I don’t want to get in the way, so I’ll leave”. – Ryo. Chapter one page 16.

“I don’t think that was the case but, … I guess you probably wouldn’t be able to tell” – Kazuhito when Ryo asked him on his confusion as to why he kept getting dumped. Note: this is from the unofficial translation (UT). Chapter two page seven.

I think Kazuhito’s answer was very queer-coded. He was insisting that it was not because the ex-girlfriends of his had “high” standards as Ryo asked, nor was it due to one of Kazuhito’s flaws as Ryo himself found after the pretend date between the two of them when the conversation happened. Kazuhito was hinting heavily, I like dudes, bro. Well, not so much like that. That’s another thing that I encounter in many Japanese BL works. I think in one of my analyses before, I named this trope as “one is gay another one is still finding out”. A gay person announcing to himself or even to his crush that he’s gay is quite rare. I don’t know whether it’s an author’s way of evading the sexual orientation expectation perception or it’s just their way of making their work more “romantic”. Usually, the conversation about sexual orientation goes:

A: Are you gay?

B: No, but I like you, just you.

I don’t know the motive behind authors’ pattern of just refusing a character self-confessing that he’s gay, however, I’m pretty sure that the motivation is not the most recent debates amongst queer theorists that there is really no need to label oneself in a certain sexual orientation, as we all are just in the spectrum of sexual orientation and maybe we can easily be more sexually or romantically attracted to a certain gender compared to the others. However, this hunch is not backed by any facts.

Going back to the manga in presenting Kazuhito as someone who gets all the girls. To be quite frank, even though, Kazuhito never shouts to the world that he’s gay, he’s quite confident in his love for Ryo. One day, Ryo became quite sick after taking too many shifts. In his fever dream, Ryo would not let Kazuhito go, and hence, he brought Ryo to his bed. The next day, after realizing what had just happened, Ryo said, “If I were a girl, I would be falling for you right now”. Kazuhito replied with:

“… I’ve never done this with a girl”. Chapter two page 15.

Man, if that’s not rizz, I don’t know what is.

Kazuhito continued his story by saying:

“Every time I got dumped, they’d always say this to me: ‘You already have someone you like, right?’” Note: UT. Chapter seven page 16.

I can firmly conclude that Kazuhito wants Ryo to know that Kazuhito-kun has a crush on him, very and immensely delicately. So that not to frighten him. Which is why it was no surprise that Ryo has the hunch that Kazuhito has a crush on him firstly on this chapter.

In the next chapters, the novel tries to still present Kazuhito as a guy with all the girls. After Kazuhito introduced him to his friends, Haruna and Yoshieri, he needed to go and patted Ryo in the head, yes for the first time. Yoshieri said that she was jealous of how close Ryo and Kazuhito were, as evidenced by their physical public interaction. Haruna then replied:

“You think so? Isn’t he pretty touchy-feely with others?” Chapter three, page nine.

I don’t know what Haruna’s motivation is in denying an inference that Kazuhito might be close, not even in a romantic sense, with another guy. Yoshieri even elaborated on why she was so shocked by Kazuhito’s gesture toward Ryo.

“Even when we were dating, he never patted me on the head like that.” Chapter three, page ten.

When Kazuhito went out to have drinks with his coworkers, even they were baffled that he didn’t have a girlfriend. The conversation surprisingly never focused on Kazuhito’s crush’s gender, but immensely focused on why Kazuhito’s crush doesn’t like Kazuhito back. The conversation went like this.

Kazuhito’s senpai (KS): “Hey Tanaka-Kun, you don’t have a girlfriend, do you?”

Kazuhito: “Nope, I’m not seeing anyone.”

…

KS: “If you’re single, I’ll go right after you”

Kazuhito: “I’m sorry but there’s someone that I like”

KS: “WHAT? THEY DON’T LIKE YOU BACK?”

Chapter seven pages one to two.

Linguistic side note: I think it’s weird that in many Japanese BL works, whenever a crush conversation is happening with a not-yet-out, gay, or a guy who has a crush on a guy, guy the conversation easily slips into the gender-neutral pronouns They/Them. I observed this in My Love Mix-Up and I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama, to name two. My first question is, is it that common to use the They/Them pronouns in referring to a person in Japan? No one was ever fazed by the use of the pronouns, unlike in Western media works. Or is it just that the Japanese language structure is not that gendered and hence the translation from she/her to they/them was a heavy-context dependent translation? I don’t know.

Besides being the guy of every girl, of course, a seme is not perfect if he’s not “gallant”. By “gallant”, I mean, the usual chivalric, altruistic behaviour of a seme – of a “man”. You know, sacrificing what he has for whom he lives and sacrifices himself. Again, I’m not affirming that this is what being chivalric should be, but it is what many Western media works adopt and depict.

I have already written about how in the second chapter, after the pretend date, Kazuhito took care of Ryo’s cold and how he gave up his personal space in his bed so that Ryo could be accompanied throughout his cold fever phase.

After a night shift, Kazuhito needed to go through the rain to get back home. And it was pouring hard. When he got home, Ryo was shocked to see Kazuhito soaking wet. When asked why Kazuhito did not call Ryo to get him with an umbrella, he only replied:

“I didn’t want to worry you.” Chapter six page 19.

I think the manga was right in making, this will he realize? Won’t he? Trope a short period. By the third chapter, Ryo already realized that Kazuhito likes him. And in the fourth chapter, Ryo confronted Kazuhito to kiss him, in order to clarify what Kazuhito’s interest means for him, whether it’s romantic or not. The manga tries to show how gallant Kazuhito was again by saying that he won’t kiss Ryo until Ryo-kun is sure that he likes Kazuhito back, in Chapter four pages one to ten.

“But I don’t want to force you”. – Kazuhito. Chapter four page nine.

...

“If it’s difficult being with me, just let me know. I’ll leave alright?”. – Kazuhito. Chapter four page ten.

I know it should not be something that we praise someone for just not forcing themselves on someone else. What I wanted to focus on was how even when Ryo wanted to test and offer Kazuhito a freebie, Kazuhito still insisted on Ryo’s comfort above all else.

This chivalric perception even extended to hypothetical future scenarios that Kazuhito made in his mind. This line always makes me cry, as someone who used to always be on the end of a one-sided love.

“Even if you fall for someone else, I will gladly pull out, but until then….” UT

“When Natsukawa finds someone, he likes, that’s when I’ll move on. So, until that happens…” Official translation – Kazuhito. Chapter seven page 18.

I think it’s a refreshing sight to see that, yes, the seme character is being characterized as a very gallant guy, however, to see that there is a line which he will never cross, it’s new. In many Japanese BL works, it seems that your crush/love is so eternal that you don’t really see it fading even when the recipient of the crush already has someone that they love. I mean, this happens often in Western media works, however, I have seen more and more works that try to rewrite this trope there compared to the Japanese BL works.

With Kazuhito’s feelings not being concealed anymore, things are of course not that dandy yet. Also, I need to point out very loudly that Ryo never really asked Kazuhito whether he likes Ryo-kun or not. Kazuhito just flat out told Ryo and Ryo already put all the puzzle pieces together before Kazuhito told him about his crush.

As we have established, Kazuhito has this aura of perfection in everybody’s eyes. It’s not as flawless as people’s perception. Yet, the perception exists. And of course, it has repercussions on how his now, conscious of his feelings, crush, Ryo, will react to Kazuhito’s feelings.

Of course, like any of the other works which I have mentioned in the opening paragraph of this subtopic, the uke feels inadequate in accepting his love. Even as early as the third chapter, Ryo already said:

“So why me? What does he like about me? And from when?” Chapter three page three

“I don’t know why, but it seems he has special feelings for me”. Chapter three page 12.

This confusion of what Kazuhito “sees” in Ryo even made Ryo-kun spiralled three pages later.

Ryo even questioned whether Kazuhito really liked him or not because Kazuhito never told Ryo-kun his traumas, like his life-changing incident for instance.

“Wait a second. if he really thinks of me as special in like, a romantic sense, then won’t he be hurting the whole time that we’re hanging out like this, too?!” – Ryo. UT. Chapter three page 14.

I think this is what made the manga a little bit bearable to read. Because, unlike Minato’s laundromat, the tug of war of whether I’m worthy of this gallant, perfect seme’s love is not just one-sided, the manga is not making me read all 10 chapters of it just Ryo being repulsive of love that he thought he didn’t deserve.

In the fifth chapter, we got a little glimpse that Ryo was actually accepting Kazuhito’s love, albeit for so little and so quickly.

Ryo: “Seeing your face as soon as I get up is not good for my heart”.

…

Ryo: “Well, your heart is made of steel”.

Kazuhito: “Is that a compliment?”

Ryo: “Yeah of course it is”

Chapter five pages one to two.

Kazuhito tried to pat or hold on to Ryo’s shoulder and it sort of shocked him and made Ryo retracted his shoulder a little bit. The same thing happened in Sasaki to Miyano, in a different body part lol.

We also got a little glimpse of Ryo’s acceptance of Kazuhito’s feelings in the sixth chapter. When Kazuhito came out of nowhere to the library to intercept Ryo and Haruna’s meetup, Kazuhito offered to go out with Ryo the weekend after, which made Kazuhito-kun blushed. After Kazuhito left, Ryo said to himself:

“What I said made him blush[ed]… and he’s jealous… I’m beyond happy”. Chapter six page nine.

Even Ryo said to himself that he loves Kazuhito too.

“I can return your feelings, and kiss you, Kazuhito. I want to tell him properly”. – Ryo. Chapter six page 13.

Ryo even repeated this thought in chapter seven while nursing Kazuhito after he got drenched in rain and became feverish.

“I like him. I like him so much. I like you, Natsukawa”. – Ryo. Chapter seven page 17.

Things took a turn of course. In chapter eight pages eight to 12, as Ryo was about to say that he likes/loves Kazuhito back, Kazuhito-san’s phone rang. Ryo got an off-ramp and his doubts made him spiraled again. At which Kazuhito noticed him. His chivalric disposition, which we have established, practically made Ryo stunned. Kazuhito-san cut off anytime Ryo was about to say something because Kazuhito wanted to just stop Ryo from spiraling further and sort of retracted his confession and wanted things to go back to normal.

Ryo basically became silent. Even he felt like the conversation that he just had was like a breakup. Ryo’s monologue went very beautifully painful:

“I want to be honest with you because you told me your feelings, but I also want you to be happier than anyone else on the planet. You probably don’t need me for that to happen. ‘I may be overthinking it, but we can’t get married or raise a family’. Even if that time does eventually come, you wouldn’t need to go out of your way just for me. But, despite all of that, I want to be by your side”. Chapter eight pages 13 – 14.

I know right? Who amongst us gay men has not had this monologue ourselves? Straight crush? Geez, remind me of my late teen years. That’s also a point, right? Usually, the monologue is reserved for our straight crushes. Why does Ryo have the same monologue for his mutual crush/love – who of course is aware that his crush is also a man and that they both live in Japan.

Thankfully, we don’t get to see their cohabitation with Ryo’s mindset that he needed to resign himself to the background EVEN THOUGH HIS CRUSH IS MUTUAL. Kazuhito needed to help out his family business. During that period, Ryo visited his family, and when he asked implicitly about his condition his sister, his sister in a slayed manner answered:

“I would be ecstatic if Kazuhito-kun liked me, and it would make me feel like the cutest girl ever. What good does it do to you if you doubt yourself even though someone likes you?” – Ryu’s sister. Chapter nine page six.

Ryo was given a second shot of reality from Haruna. Do you still remember when I wrote my confusion as to why Haruna was sort of insisting that Kazuhito is straight? Well, in the ninth chapter, he happened to be around Kazuhito and Ryu’s place and he went up to talk to Ryu. He was not perturbed at all that Ryu and Kazuhito love/like each other. In the Kazuhito-less apartment, he gave a monologue:

“… It’s not up to you to decide what will truly bring happiness to Tanaka… Why are you worried about his public image and future? Don’t you think a guy that cautious hasn’t thought about that already?” Chapter nine page 16.

I know. I wish I had a friend like Haruna. I’m sobbing as I’m rewriting his monologue.

So, all in all, this seme perfection trope is a huge and hefty subtopic. The manga used the trope really well in my opinion. In Cherry Magic, Adachi just became accustomed to Kurosawa’s perfection. Adachi slowly knew all of Kurosawa’s imperfections and it made him braver to face Kurosawa – well, as I have argued in my previous analysis, Adachi himself became braver as the manga progresses, and a combination of both in the end prevails. In Living with Him, we don’t really see Kazuhito being humbled, well, not yet. I think Ryo just accepted this idea that this god-like creature likes him, but not too excessive like in My Beautiful Man.

Miscommunication trope

I have been writing on this essay for far too long. And I think the second subtopic had most of how I wanted the manga to be characterized by the public, and hence inspired my expectations for the live-action series in 4-day time. However, I really need to write how this manga never really dwelled on the miscommunication trope. Of course, this manga still used the trope.

In the first chapter, I really thought that it was gonna be like Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice but to Kiss and Hel and I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama. When Ryo offered Kazuhito to a pretend date, I thought that it was going to be like one of those sitcoms in which, Ryo at first didn’t have feelings for Kazuhito, but during and after the pretend date, Ryo falls in love with Kazuhito. I know, it happens canonically in the manga. What I had thought would happen was Ryo kept asking for a pretend date, and Kazuhito being sick of being taken to all of the pretend dates. Thankfully my prediction was dead wrong.

The other two miscommunication cases were all just bad predictions of mine lol. When Ryo asked Kazuhito to kiss him, and Kazuhito refused. It made Ryo annoyed and insulted, but then Kazuhito, gallantly, clarified his answer. The last one was when Ryo found the apartment listing when Kazuhito was away, and it made him even sadder about his “breakup” with Kazuhito. Thankfully, Haruna shaman’d his way in helping Ryo confronting his emotions.

My expectations from the live-action series?

I think it has a better chance of resembling the manga more than At 25:00, in Akasaka. Ryo and Kazuhito’s attractions are such puppy love, it’s so abstract and idealistic, such a fit for a vanilla live series. I pray to the brightest stars that they actually make the Living with Him: Heating Up as a 7th/9th episode or a film ☹, as I said on Twitter, I don’t care if the gay sex scene in this proposed film/extra episode is vague, all I want to see is how they manage more and more of reality.

[mbbsgf]

HUGE TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD !!

mentions of murder, child abuse, p€dophilia, r@pe, cannibalism, drugs and sexual assault, necrophilia. (let me know if there's more)

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i warned you at the top of this post, don't read if any of the mentioned topics trigger you.

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i've been studying true crime for as long as i can remember but i've never been that shocked until now. until i heard about the daisy's destruction case. peter scully is a 61 old man (he currently is in jail) who have done the most gut wrenching, horrifying things i've read. he didn't act alone but he was the "brain" of these crimes. he and his two "girlfriends" kidnapped children promising their parents health and a great situation or whatever but that's clearly not what happened. now the story behind daisy's destruction is fucking insane and horrifying so it's not too late to quit, i don't wanna be in charge of any tears or anything take care of yourselves. one of the girls kidnapped three children. liza, cindy and daisy (i believe this is their names, i apologize if not). i haven't seen the video daisy's destruction since we can't find it on this side of the internet, only on the dark web and for obvious reasons i will not go on the dark web. especially not to see this horror. peter basically r@ped those little girls. to clarify, liza was 11, cindy was 10 and daisy was 18 months old. peter had cindy digging her own grave before strangling her to death. liza and daisy are still alive but they obviously are traumatized and it was confirmed that daisy is unable to have children due to severe injuries around her vagina. i wish them the best and i hope cindy is resting in peace after the hell she went through.

jeffrey dahmer. dear lord, where do i even start? jeffrey would hang in gay bars around the 80s due to his sexuality if i'm correct (correct me if not). i've been studying jeffrey's case for longer so i mostly know what i'm talking about unlike peter's case but i'm not perfect so i might make mistakes so don't hesitate to correct me. jeffrey has always been "fascinated" by death and everything that revolves around it. he would dissect dead animals with his father as a hobby. growing up, jeffrey will realize it's more than just a "scientific" fascination. it sexually attracted him. he would start off by drugging his victim's drink so it'd be "easier" to get them home (please stay safe you guys, psychos are everywhere, always hold your drinks wherever you go). his victims were all males in their 20s or so except for one who was 14. jeffrey was grown when he killed that 14 year old boy. i've personally seen pictures of jeffrey's appartement after he got arrested and those picture made me so uncomfortable. i've also seen jeffrey's polaroids and i don't even wanna comment on it. what kills me is that those photos are so easy to find like that just disgusts me and it made me so uncomfortable.

now, why did i tell y'all all that, hm? there's obviously a reason and you're right. there is. it might sound dumb or like i'm overreacting but i promise i'm not. i've seen MULTIPLE facebook pages, tiktok edits and instagram accounts glorifying and idolizing those monsters. mostly jeffrey because peter's case isn't really known but i have seen "fan" accounts of them both. it's sickening. y'all realize they took the life of innocent, beautiful people. OF KIDS. like. even if peter didn't kill liza and daisy, he still took their life away from them. jeffrey murdered, ate and drugged people. peter raped, murdered and tortured little girls and you have nothing better to do than to create a fucking fan account to support them? you're sick. honestly, fucking disgusting. you think peter or jeffrey would show mercy to you if you were in front of them? you think they'd be like "oh you're my fan, all good!" NO, THEY WOULDN'T. they are murderers and you are glorifying their actions. honestly, you're as sick as peter and jeffrey if you think their actions are okay. i'm sick to my stomach just thinking about the edits i saw of jeffrey with a cute ass stupid caption saying "i could fix him" or "he wouldn't hurt anyone" well shame on you. he did and he admitted to it. the families of the victims maybe have facebook, tiktok or instagram. how do you think they'd feel if they saw their son's/daughter's, cousin's, little brother's/sister's, nephew's/niece's murderer being loved, supported and idolized? you guys are sick. you need to get off your phone and go touch some grass seriously.

that's all i wanted to say, goodnight.

[watchmenanon]

Perfect Stranger: Noah Schnapp

from STATUS Magazine August 2017 feat. Finn Wolfhard and Noah Schnapp

by STATUS Magazine

We’ve been teased enough by his character’s appearance in the first season of Stranger Things, but actor Noah Schnapp promises a whole lot of weirder things happening next season, now that he’s in the picture.

Not a lot of 12-year-olds spend their day like how actor Noah Schnapp would normally spend his. His life is now a mix of his definition of normal and crazy. Starting his day with breakfast and a photo shoot perfectly contrasts his summer trip to Camp Echo Lake, wherein he got to spend time with his friends for seven weeks before starting a good amount of promo, advertisement, and photo shoot requirements. Everything suddenly turned out to be a bit of a whirlwind for Noah when Netflix’s original sci-fi hit Stranger Things aired, where he plays Will Byers, the kid who was lost and eventually found; although when he was saved from the Upside Down, something wasn’t quite right.

Noah caught the acting bug when he saw Annie on Broadway. “I remember watching the show and I really loved it. When I saw the main character on Broadway acting on stage, I really felt like I wanted to be on that stage. I wanted to be in front of the audience and not be one of the audience,” Noah recalls. At 7 years old, he took acting classes mainly for fun; however, as he progressed, he grew to love what he was doing and realized that he could actually make a career out of it. “My teacher recommended that I try getting into the acting industry—that’s when I started auditioning for several roles,” shares Noah. Two years ago, he landed the role as the voice of Charlie Brown in The Peanuts Movie, which he thought was an enjoyable thing to do. “I think it’s awesome when you’re voicing a cartoon character because you get to work one-on-one in a small booth with a director. He’s right there in front of you the whole time, guiding you while you’re saying your lines, which you can do as many times as you want until you get it right. You can be crazy and take a lot of roles,” he says.

Next came what threw Noah in together with a bunch of kids to become some of the brightest pop culture stars of the moment. He reminisces how he met some of the casts of Stranger Things two and a half years ago. “I met them one after the other in different places. I met Caleb [McLaughlin] in LA for the first time, and I met all the other kids on set one by one.

Everyone flew in on different days. We all didn’t know each other and we just knew that we were making this small show for one season. And we would shoot like forever; we were together, seeing each other every single day, and we just formed a close bond.” He continues, “We have a group chat, we do sleepovers, and talk to each other all the time.” In between shooting the show, Noah has done a lot of TV guestings and award show appearances with his Stranger Things co-stars and was also featured in Panic! at the Disco’s music video for their song “LA Devotee.” It’s all happening for Noah, but the kid is eager to remain an ordinary kid though living in his newly found strange and crazy life.

Q: What is it about acting that you like the most?

A: My favorite part about acting is I can be someone totally different and transform into another character. I get to try out this whole new world and time, and I find that really cool. I’m a normal kid but I can play someone who has a disability, who’s being abused, or who’s from another era.

Q: How do still keep normalcy in your life despite the fact that Stranger Things is such a huge hit?

A: It’s been crazy because when the show came out, I was in summer camp. We don’t have technology when we’re in camp so when I came out of camp, I realized that it turned out to be a big show, that I have all these followers on Instagram, and that I have people coming up to me on the streets. It’s really just my parents who are keeping me grounded and I still go to a normal school, keep a normal life, and just try to be as normal of a kid as possible.

Q: What’s the best part of being in Stranger Things?

A: My favorite part about being in the show is that I get to be around a bunch of kids, and that we can play and just have fun while we shoot.

Q: How will your character evolve in the second season without telling us too much?

A: In the second season, Will definitely has a larger role and he’ll be part of every character’s storyline. They will show how the aftermath of Will coming out from the Upside Down affected him. He will have a lot of emotionally-challenging scenes.

Q: Is there anything that you and Will have in common?

A: Will is very close to his brother and they do a lot of things together, and I have a twin sister named Chloe and we’re very close to each other too. I can relate whenever his brother would help him when things don’t go well.

Q: What’s the craziest fan theory about Stranger Things that you’ve seen online?

A: I think there’s this video that I saw on YouTube that someone said Hopper and Joyce would get together. I love it when people make couple theories like who would marry who or who would get together, I just find it very funny.

Q: Do you have a favorite character in the show other than Will?

A: My favorite character would be Eleven because she’s a freak and she doesn’t care. She has superpowers; she’s like the hero of the show. She’s cool.

Q: With the success of everything that you’ve been doing career-wise, what major changes did it bring to your life?

A: I started the show two and a half years ago and didn’t know a lot. And just growing up in the show together with such amazing people like Winona Ryder, David Harbour, and the Duffer brothers, I get to learn new tips and tricks at a very young age.

Q: What are you excited about this year?

A: Definitely for the second season of the show to come out. We’ve been filming so much and it’s been crazy; everyone worked so hard on the second season and it looks so great. I’m just waiting for it to come out and see how everyone would react to it.

[lulubelle814]

Regards, Loki - Chapter 15

Master List

On Tuesday, James found he needed to get out of the office for just a bit and seized the opportunity to visit Deja Brew.  Upon finding the coffee shop, he saw it was uniquely decorated and inviting.  Entering, he found it was calm.  It was the middle of a Tuesday afternoon, after all.  Behind the counter was a tall gentleman, not quite as tall as himself.  Judging by first appearance, he seemed a good looking fellow.  He approached the counter, perusing the menu.  After a moment, the barista spoke up.  “Is there anything in particular you’re looking for?”

James hummed.  “I’m not sure.  What would you recommend?”  He glanced back at him, taking the opportunity to look at his nametag, ‘Chad’.  Sigyn mentioned testing some pastries, but none showed on display.

‘I wonder if this was the man Sigyn mentioned in her text?’  He looked around, not seeing anyone else.  After Chad listed a few drinks, he selected one which was given to him shortly after.  It was a tea called ‘queen’s gambit.’  He’d never heard of it, but it was delicious.  “Thank you for the recommendation.  Do you have any sweets or pastries by chance?”

Chad’s eyes lit up.  “We don’t right now, but it’s in the works.  Hopefully we’ll have some in the next couple of weeks.  You can follow our instagram page for updates.”

James kept a mental note to do as such and went back to the office.  Sitting at his desk, he felt refreshed.  Sigyn was right.  He should take breaks more often.  Through the rest of the day, his mind wandered back to Chad.  Was this the man his Sigyn was spending time with now?  The thought made his blood boil.

Wait a minute.  She wasn’t his Sigyn.  She was simply Sigyn, a friend and companion.

Sigyn: Have you had a chance to check out the coffee shop?

Loki: Oddly enough, I just got back from there.  The nice gentleman behind the counter recommended this drink called a queen’s gambit?

Sigyn: That sounds interesting.  I’ll have to check it out next time I go in.  Was Chad nice to you?

So that was the gentleman who started occupying some of her time.

Loki: He was pleasant.  In fact, he suggested the drink.  There were no sweets though.

Sigyn: He’s working on it.  Hanging with him on Saturday reminded me how I used to bake with my mom years ago.

Loki: Oh?

Sigyn: Yeah.  I attempted to make mom’s old brownie recipe, but it was a disaster.  I tried to make it by memory, but I obviously got something wrong.

Loki: Is there no written recipe available?

Sigyn: There is.  I’m pretty sure it’s buried in a box somewhere.  Just need to find it.

Loki: When you do, let me know how they are.  I love brownies when made properly.

Sigyn: I take it you’ve had some pretty bad ones?

Loki: I dated a woman a year or so ago who made them, and they were not good.

Sigyn: Do I want to know how bad they were?

Loki: Let’s just say the word awful would be a gross understatement.

Sigyn: I’m so sorry!

Loki: You can make it up to me by letting me know how yours turn out the next time you try.

Sigyn: I can do that.

******************************************************************************

When she got home from work that evening, she had a renewed vigor to find that recipe.  2 hours and several boxes later, she found it.  ‘Damn.  I put in too many eggs, way too much flour and not enough sugar.’

Looking in her kitchen cupboards and in her fridge, she had enough ingredients left to test out a batch.  45 minutes of stirring and baking later, they were ready.

‘Here goes nothing,’ she thought to herself, taking a spoon and scooping out a bite to eat.  As soon as it hit her tongue, she was in heaven.  It was exactly as she remembered.  Closing her eyes, she could picture her mother finishing a batch, warning her to let them cool off before digging in.  The memory brought tears to her eyes.

Recalling the conversation with Loki earlier, she had an idea.  It was only 8 pm.  She pulled out her phone and called Bruno.

Bruno: Bruno speaking.

Louisa: Hey Bruno!  This is Louisa.  I’m not sure if you remember me?

Bruno: Of course I remember you, ma’am.  You were very kind to me despite your stressful circumstances.  Did you enjoy the basket of goodies?

Louisa: Very much!  I was wondering if I could ask you a small favor?

Bruno: How can I be of service?

Louisa: I was wondering if I gave you something, if you could take it to our mutual friend?  There’s a treat in it for you if you’re able to.

Bruno: How could I turn down treats?

20 minutes later, he was at her door.  To be honest, Bruno had developed a soft spot for her in the brief amount of time they’d known each other.  She handed him 2 containers of brownies.  “One is for you, and the other for him.”

He opened the lid to one and gave it a whiff.  “I love brownies!  You spoil me, Ms. Louisa.”  Without hesitation, he broke off a piece and ate it, making noises normally only heard during sex.  “These are amazing!  Thank you, Ms. Louisa!”

“I’ll have to remember that for the future.  Consider it a bribe for taking these to him and a downpayment on saying thanks for helping rescue me the other night.”

“This is the tastiest bribe I’ve ever received.  This other container may not make it to your friend.”  They laughed, but she knew he wouldn’t do such a thing.

“I spoke with him on the way here.  He’s very curious as to why I’m going by his place.  He gave me a little insight into the nature of your relationship, that you both use nicknames to retain anonymity but talk often via messages.”

She felt a little relieved that he was aware of their situation, realizing it was a good thing because that meant he wouldn’t spill the beans to Loki.  “Thank you so much, Bruno. Can you tell him they’re from Sigyn?”

He nodded. “For the future, how much would you charge to deliver something to him?”

He grinned.  “For you, Ms. Louisa?  You don’t need to give me anything.  The occasional treat would be most welcome though if you have them available.”

“That’s a deal, Bruno.  Thank you so much!”

******************************************************************************

He left and went straight to his destination.  Knocking, it was only a moment before James opened the door.  “I must say.  It was odd but welcome to hear from you.  What is it I can help you with?”

Bruno held up a container.  “These are for you, compliments of Sigyn.”  James raised an eyebrow, taking the container.  “I’d be careful with those, if I were you.  They’re addicting.”

Opening the lid, his sense of smell was immediately filled with the scent of the most delicious brownies he’d ever encountered and couldn’t help but take a bite of one.  “Holy shit!  These are incredible!”  He took another bite.  “I can’t thank you enough, my friend.”  He reached into his pocket to give Bruno a tip to which he declined.

“Ms. Sigyn already paid me.”

He raised another eyebrow.  “She did?”

Bruno nodded.  “She gave me my own container of brownies.”  Both laughed.  Bruno departed, and James went to his fridge, thankful he still had some milk on hand.

Loki: You are too kind.  These brownies are incredible!

Sigyn: You flatter me, sir.  I like them quite a bit.  They remind me of my mother.

Loki: I cannot thank you enough for these.  You didn’t have to, but I’m glad you did.

Sigyn: I know it’s not much, but I wanted to thank you for your advice and the gift basket you sent me the other day.

Loki: Not much?  If this is the way you thank someone, I’ll have to send you more things.

They texted back and forth happily for the next hour before realizing they should probably get to bed soon as they both had work in the morning.

[bubblep0ppy]

hello, i’m nine and i’m here to tell my truth, as ridiculous and stupid that sounds, because you people have been only reading one side of the situation and i don’t think that’s fair. 

i joined with nailea devora to a group recently after more than a year of not even getting near to groups in general because as a lot of us know, people can’t control themselves and the hate they throw on a daily basis is honestly gross and my mental health can’t deal with that, but alas i was back for something i thought was fun, playing a dumb nepo baby who gets whatever she wants and plays dumb about it but in reality she had her ups and downs. she took me a while to figure out because i do love my characters and writing them 

during the first party of said group, there was a mixup and characters had to dress up and poppy’s group (she was the manager) decided on cowboys, now tell me, what would you do? because i jumped onto pinterest and found several pictures of nailea wearing a cowboy hat and i picked the cutest ones i found

did i check her age at the moment? no, because nailea is 21 years old and my character as well... why would i (and i quote someone from said rp) carbon date the pictures of my character? 

so i posted it and kept the party, poppy was around all day and as of the day i dropped her, she had the most tweet count in the entire group (if that tells you anything) 

during the party she was flirting with another character she liked since day 1 and they’ve been talking and it wasn’t a sexual relationship, just flirting like literally everyone in that group or the entire rpc for that matters 

him qrt that picture and poppy jokingly said “you let a cowboy ride you” or something like that, she never said anything actually inappropriate on main because she didn’t even say it on dms. 

and this is when things get wild because the yuqi fc started fights with everyone and i get that some characters are just assholes, i love villains in media, but in my opinion, some kind of ooc talk must exist before you right on attack someone on main, out of good manners at least (but we all know not everyone has that privilege) 

poppy ended up blocking the yuqi fc out of principle, she wasn’t gonna let some biter bitch to ruin her night (which ended with her sleeping alone btw, seeing as how much they care about my character’s sexual life) 

after that, the yuqi fc kept posting indirects or very direct attacks to my character, at one point it was all they posted and ignored it, i don’t like to get into drama that way and if they couldn’t kept poppy out of their mind.. well everyone has haters, right? 

this went on for WEEKS and poppy only cared about it when her friends sent her ss of the post cai made, and she was annoyed because her friends used to confront xem only for cai to laugh about it and not even give a good explanation 

i talked to the admins about changing my fc or even drop the group but i was convinced to stay because i haven’t been done anything bad. 

guess what? the bullying kept going. 

when i dropped the group for a day, i was tired of it (and other problems my chara found herself into even though it wasn’t plotted, again) and as soon as i left, cai mun posted an “apology” to the tl saying how it was a ooc thing that went ic for some reason. 

now to clarify, i have no idea who this person is and honestly i don’t want to give them the privilege to meet me or talk to me because someone with that much hate in their person is just not someone i want in my life. 

they claimed that the picture with the cowboy hat was of nailea being underage, which i can’t say 100% sure, but nailea deleted all of her underage pictures from instagram and this one was posted 3 years ago, when she was 18/19 years old. 

yes, younger than the limit for the group, but that doesn’t mean she was underage or even that i was using that to “infantilize” her, poppy was a very complex character and i don’t see how someone who was blocked for 90% of the time could say something about the way i played her... 

and speaking about the “sexting on main” i never did that and feel free to stalk my old account, the only “racy” thing i posted was a tiktok and it wasn’t even that graphic and again, it was posted for another person poppy was talking (not in a romantic way) 

but i don’t know, let the person obsessed with mario bros and calling themselves a “princess” for the entirety of the group to tell you who’s being childish 

[june-girl-86]

Chapter 49

Now the time has finally come, the wedding of Din and Liara will take place. With a few surprises!

Pairing: Din Djarin x OC Female!

ReaderRating: Mature/Explicit (+18)

Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence / Love / Action&Adventure / Blood&Violence / Drama & Romance / Slow Burn / Fluff&Smut

Thank you Poenari (grogubaguette_poenari on instagram) for the beautiful picture for this chapter. 🧡

The preparations for the wedding got more and more going. Maila planned the wedding dinner with Trixi. Halla had everything festively decorated in the garden, the footbridge to the lake decorated with flowers. Tauno and Lean were on their way to invite the other clans and came back with many promises.

One morning, Maila picked Fara up at Liara's, spoke only of marriage and mystery, and disappeared with the five-year-old. She took Fara to Vivien's. Once in the store, the girl marveled at the various fabrics and had the seamstress take her measurements. Maila had planned a surprise for Din and Liara, pictured with Fara's dress, which she was going to get.

"Will it be our secret?" she asked Fara and the girl nodded with a grin. But she couldn't quite hide her excitement. She didn't tell her parents, but she was very excited and Liara wondered what Maila had done to Fara.

And then the day had come. Din awoke, birdsong could be heard, the sun had not yet risen completely. Next to him, Liara was still fast asleep, he breathed a gentle kiss on her bare shoulder. She jerked slightly and he smiled, his lips still on her skin.

"Good morning!" she whispered, her eyes still closed. His hand sought her belly, leaning against her warm body.

"We'll be Riddur in a few hours!" mumbled Din in Liara's ear, nibbling lightly on her earlobe. Liara stretched, enjoying his touch, and turned her head. Her lips found his, tenderly they kissed. Her hand stroked through his wavy hair, he had had it cut, as well as his beard trimmed. When Din's fingers tried to untie the loop of her nightgown, she stopped him. Smiled mischievously at him.

"We should save the rest for our wedding night!"

Din giggled, kissed her on the forehead, and snuggled up to her.

"Wedding, wedding!"

Startled, Liara and Din jerked their eyes open. They had actually fallen asleep once again. The bed was shaking, Fara was jumping back and forth at the foot of it, excited and anxious to see what would happen that day. Liara stretched out her arms, the girl hopped in and fell softly onto the pillows. Din started tickling her and Fara couldn't get out of giggling.

At some point there was a knock at the door, Trixi brought them breakfast. When they finished it knocked again and Halla was standing in front of it.

"Din you are expected at my father and Lean. This part of the house is off limits to you for the next few hours!"

Smirking, Din took his things and left the women. As he walked down the hall, he noticed an older woman standing in the entryway with several bags of clothes, greeted by Maila. Also staying with Lean and Tauno was Jaron, who had Tino with him. They still had some time to change, but Lean still took Din aside and pointed to a wooden box. Din opened it to reveal a red, festive cloak.

"I wore it to my wedding then, as did Tauno and your father. Now I bequeath it to you!"

Din swallowed and slowly ran his palm over the soft fabric. Liara had described her emotions to him after trying on her mother's dress at Vivien's. He felt the same way now, was touched to think that his father had worn this getup on his most important day as well. He hugged Lean gratefully and the two went back to the others. 

Liara sat waiting on the couch, a hairdresser had just done her hair. The veil that Vivien had made would then be attached to the curls. But before she could see it, the dressmaker had disappeared into her room with Maila and Fara. Now Liara suspected what the two had kept from her, and was anxious to see the result. She kept hearing the girl giggle and Liara was so glad that Fara was so happy. Halla sat down next to her, she knew what her mother had planned but hadn't seen it yet either. Liara took a sip of champagne, which the women indulged in to ease the excitement. For when Vivien had come with the bags of clothes, nervousness had struck Liara completely. Liara was trembling with one leg and Halla put her hand on her knee and winked at Liara. The shrugged apologetically and the women laughed out loud. They were interrupted when the door opened and Vivien came out with Maila. The women turned and waved into the room and slowly Fara came out. Liara held her hand in front of her mouth and immediately got moist eyes. In Fara's hair were braided red ribbons, on her shoulders, attached to the straps of the red dress, a white cloak. On her feet she wore red sandals. Fara turned, her cape fluttering as she did so, and she beamed at the women.

"Hi mom!" the girl grinned at Liara. She slid off the couch and got down on her knees in front of her. She stroked Fara's cheek.

"You look like a princess! So beautiful!"

Fara snuggled up to Liara and looked up at her.

"Then you're the queen today!"

Liara wiped away her tears and laughed. Then she looked to Maila.

"The red one..."

Maila nodded.

"On Aq Vetina, red clothing was a tradition. I told Vivien about it and she conjured it up. I especially wanted to surprise Din with it!"

"You succeeded in that surprise!"

Vivien turned to Liara.

"Then we should get you ready now!"

Liara nodded and followed Vivien to her bedroom. Halla and Maila waited anxiously with Fara. It took some time, then the door opened and Vivien came out smiling. The women stretched their necks, then Liara followed her. She wiped her eyes with emotion; the makeup definitely needed to be redone. Maila and Halla also got moist eyes. The dress fit beautifully, Vivien had taken the patterns that were on the dress and the straps on the veil. This went Liara up to the hip, was made of fine tulle. It was framed by white lace, but the edge was red.

"Vivien, you always outdo yourself. Liara you look beautiful!" said Maila, stroking Liara's arm. Halla agreed and Fara stood open-mouthed in front of her mother.

"A magical queen!" she exclaimed and Liara laughed in a dissolved way. Maila indicated that she was going to get something and left the group. She returned shortly, holding something behind her back and smiling at Liara. An aroma that reminded Liara of earlier climbed her nose.

"You were raving so much about your mother's favorite plant. That's why I thought that besides the dress, another part of her should be by your side on this special day!"

Maila showed her what she had been hiding from her and Liara gasped in surprise. The bridal bouquet was made up of wildflowers, a few of the purple blossoms she recognized from her trip with Halla and many branches of eucalyptus that gave off a wonderful scent. Liara's hand trembled as she accepted the bouquet. She smelled it with her eyes closed and she couldn't stop the tears from running down her cheeks. Liara pulled Maila tightly into her arms.

"Thank you!" she whispered, touched. Halla squeezed her mother's hand. This little bouquet was one of the most precious things for Liara that day. Liara took a look in the mirror and started to laugh. The tear marks were clearly visible, the make-up had lost the battle against it.

"Actually pointless on this day!", Liara giggled and Halla joined in. The women now left them alone, they too would now change their clothes. 

Din stood at the window, looked out into the garden, could see the Mandalorians, in their different armors. There were many who had accepted the invitation and he would have to talk to all of them, ask them to follow him. Something else special, that day. He took a deep breath and looked to the door, Tauno, Lean and Jaron came back. They had changed clothes, put on their armor as well. They wore their helmets under their arms, or had them fastened to their belts. Now it would soon be time. He kneaded his fingers nervously and Lean joined him. He put his hand on Din's arm.

"Your father was so excited, he felt very sick and Tauno also thought he would not be able to stand the tension. But I am telling you now what my father passed on to me. This excitement and nervousness shows you how much you love the person with whom you will now enter into the bond of marriage forever. That nervousness makes you realize that you don't want to hurt them!"

Din swallowed and nodded. Lean smiled and patted Din on the back encouragingly.

"I'll be waiting for you!"

With these words, he slowly left the room leaning on his cane, they had asked Lean to give them the blessing after the vows. Tauno did as his father had done, nodding cheerfully to Din, then he too left. He had offered to accompany Liara, to lead to Din. When he too was gone, Tino bounced around him. The boy didn't understand all the excitement and Din wished at that moment to have that lightheartedness of a child. Din drank another sip of water, and then followed Jaron out, who was waiting for him at the door. 

Din walked past the already occupied rows of chairs, noticing the curious looks on him. A musician had taken his place on a stool, playing a quiet melody with his hallikset. Din approached the pier where Lean was sitting on a bench. He stopped at the spot, which was decorated with white and red roses, and kept looking up at the meadow. A smell came to his nose and Din looked more closely at the flower arrangements. They had incorporated eucalyptus. He smiled, thinking of Liara's mother, whom he had not had the chance to meet alive. His family had thought so much about how much they could do for Liara on this day. They were able to do that. He swallowed, touched.

Liara stood on the terrace, listening to the music wafting up to them from the garden. There was a knock at the door, it must be Tauno. She stroked her dress, then turned to Fara and nodded at the girl with a smile.

"I think it's starting!"

Fara let out a whoop of joy and skipped to the door, where Tauno was waiting for them.

"I'm happy to accompany two lovely ladies!" he greeted them, and Liara's heart pounded to her throat.

Din watched the activity, wondering what Liara would look like. After some time, Maila and Halla arrived, wearing dresses but also having the breastplate of their armor on. They took a seat in the front row next to Jaron and Tino and nodded to him with a smile. Din started kneading his hands again and closed his eyes. He heard how it first became quieter, then a murmur and whispering started. The hallikset was playing a new tune and Din knew it was now time. He opened his eyes, blinked again and again, he somehow had the feeling that he could not see clearly. His eyes were watering, he thought he was dreaming.

Tauno led Liara past the rows of chairs, she smiled happily and her beauty outshone everything. And then he spotted Fara, who had been hiding behind Liara at first. But now she took her free hand and Din swallowed when he saw the girl in the red robe. This connection, clearly created to Aq Vetina, as he could see now, was also reflected in Liara's veil. Her mother's dress was beautiful, she was beautiful, and Din's knees went weak. He cleared his throat and hoped no one saw how his legs trembled. He would like to stop himself at the railing of the walkway. Din had no idea that Liara was feeling the same way. Tauno had already complimented her, and she had to remember to breathe regularly. Because when they stepped out of the house and she had seen all the people, she had felt dizzy. But Tauno had her tightly in his arms, and she spotted Din standing on the jetty, his eyes closed. His armor seemed to shine even more today and he wore a red cloak that made him look like a leader. She could see the bobbing and she smiled to herself. Din was nervous too, and when he turned to her, spotting her, she had to restrain herself from crying. She looked for Fara's hand and so they strode down to Din. Tauno nodded to Din, let go of Liara and left her to sit next to his wife. Din smiled happily, squatted down and blew a kiss on Fara's forehead. Then he turned to Liara, tenderly running his hand over her slightly flushed cheek.

"You both look beautiful, you outshine the sun!"

Liara leaned her head gratefully into Din's hand. Lean now stepped in front of them and addressed everyone.

"Today we celebrate the union of two souls. But before this happens, Din and Liara would like to address Fara! Gai Bal Manda (adoption ritual)!"

A murmur went through the ranks and Fara looked around in confusion. Din touched her on the shoulder, clearing his throat.

"Fara, you are our foundling. You lost your birth parents, as did Liara and me. We all did not grow up with the family, of the same blood. Yet we have experienced love and wish to pass it on to you! Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad Fara (I know your name as my child)!"

Fara blinked, she didn't understand the phrase, but she guessed the meaning. Now she also touched Liara on the shoulder. Liara repeated what Din said, only in Basic. Her voice trembled slightly.

"I know your name as my child. We know your name, Fara!"

Din took out a necklace from his belt pouch and showed it to Fara.

"On this pendant are our fingerprints, you always carry us close to your heart!"

Then he hung the necklace on her and Fara clung to Din. Tears ran down her cheeks.

"Dad!" she whispered, letting go of him and hugging Liara as well.

Shouts rang out from the guests, "Aliit (clan)!"

Fara broke away from Liara, waved to the guests, then grinned at her parents.

"Now it's your turn!"

Din and Liara laughed loosely, and Lean nodded in agreement.

"The little lady has a point. Please recite the oath!"

Din swallowed, reached for Liara's hand, and placed it on his chest plate.

"Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde. (Together we are one, apart we are one, we share everything, we will raise warriors)!"

Together Liara and Din spoke these words, Liara had practiced them over and over in the last few days and without stumbling she managed. When the last word was spoken, they smiled happily at each other and Din pulled her to him to kiss her. A roar arose, all the guests slapping each other on the breastplates of their armor. When it quieted down again, Fara handed Din the rings. Lovingly, he ran the ring over Liara's finger. It was beskar, silver, with a blue band. A single diamond was set in it. Liara took the one for Din and put it on his finger as well. Now Lean joined them and placed his hands on both of theirs.

"For your life together, I wish you the peace that is reflected in the blue sky, in the eyes of a child, in the blooming of flowers... I wish you the peace that only love can give: the peace of the heart."

With their guests they changed the location. In the garden, several rows of tables were set up, their table was across so that everyone could see the wedding couple. Halla and Maila had also thought about this, distributed on all the tables they found the eucalyptus with baby's breath in small vases. On their table, however, a vessel was waiting to be filled, there Liara placed her bridal bouquet. When all the seats were taken, Din rubbed his palms and cleared his throat a few times. Lean gave him a look while Tauno let out a loud whistle. Silence fell and Din rose to his feet. All eyes were on him and he swallowed.

"More than a year ago, I would never have thought that one day I would be sitting at such a festively decorated table, with my wonderful wife and daughter by my side. I also never thought I would have found my family. I thought the way I grew up, I would have no one. I earned my money as a bounty hunter, got a child for the Imps and then freed it from their hands. And from then on a new life began for me. I was a foster father for Grogu, he had special powers and it was my task to bring him to the Jedi. Thereby I met Bo-Katan Kryze, she helped me to rescue Grogu again, after the Imps had managed to kidnap him during an attack. During his rescue, I fought against Moff Gideon and thus came into possession of the Dark Saber. Since then, Bo-Katan has been trying everything to get the saber, as she sees herself as the true leader of the Mandalorians. In the beginning, I saw the saber only as a burden. I was a lone wolf, not there to lead others. But in the last months so much has happened that I have accepted this burden of responsibility more and more and I am ready for it. Currently, a number of Mandalorians are already gathering on Nevarro, waiting for more information. There was a great find of Beskar plates on Calodan, with which we can and will finance the construction of our new home. And there will still be enough left over with this source here to make armor for the next generation. I hope you will join your families to follow me to Aq Vetina. There will be our new Mandalore!"

Din reached under his cloak, at his belt, and pulled out the dark saber. He stretched his arm in the air and activated the weapon. There was silence, only the hum of the saber could be heard. But then everyone rose and, as they had done at the wedding ceremony, they all patted each other on their breastplates. After a while, the roar died down and everyone took their seats again. Only one remained standing. He left his table and approached Din.

"That's Raven!" whispered Tauno to him. The man's armor, like his hair, was pitch black, only his ice blue eyes, stood apart. These stared at Din, then he raised his voice.

"Who says you rightfully possess this weapon!"

"I won the saber in battle!" retorted Din.

Raven twisted his mouth into a grin.

"But instead of killing him, you let him live. He didn't deserve that mercy after all the blood of those who didn't survive the Night of a Thousand Tears that was on his hands!"

Din swallowed.

"The New Republic kept him safe, and he is now no longer among the living!"

Raven shook his head.

"I challenge you. In five days, at crescent moon. It is said that one warrior will defeat twenty and the crowd will fall before him. However, if it falls into the hands of the unworthy, it will curse the nation. Mandalore will be laid waste and its people scattered to the winds!"

Liara could see Din's hand clench tightly around the hilt.

"I am worthy and will fight you!"

Raven bowed and went back to his table. 

While Raven sat down and acted as if he hadn't just challenged someone to a fight, Din stood frozen until Lean touched him on the hand. Din shook his head, stowed the saber at his belt, and sat down. Liara looked at him anxiously, and Lean sighed.

"I should have expected this. Raven's mother didn't come with us, she died on Mandalore. So it's not surprising that he would challenge you, also because you let Moff Gideon live!"

Din tried to defend himself, but Lean shook his head.

"I wouldn't have done it any differently than you!"

"What happens now?" interjected Liara.

"Now you enjoy this day and don't think about tomorrow!"

Halla had stepped behind her and squeezed her shoulders. Her parents agreed with her.

"We will train, Jaron and I will help you. You won't be the loser!", Tauno encouraged Din and Lean nodded. Din sighed, he wasn't as pale as he was a few minutes ago. He looked to Liara, who surely would have imagined this moment differently.

"I'm sorry!"

Liara didn't know what he was apologizing for.

"It's your culture. I would have resented Raven if he had asked you to do it right away, though!"

Din laughed out and kissed Liara gratefully on the cheek. 

As Trixi served them the orange-carrot soup, their thoughts of battle faded and they enjoyed this fruity, fresh delicacy. The main course, however, surpassed anything Din and Liara had ever tasted on their travels. There was veal fillet stuffed with pine nut butter. Accompanied by a wonderful potato cream, in a nutty sauce. Halla voiced what everyone was thinking.

"It's just fascinating how a droid can cook so wonderfully and not taste any of it himself!"

When Trixi next appeared and brought them dessert, everyone praised her. The droid bowed.

"It's hard for me, but if my facial expressions would allow it, I'd be smiling and crying right now!"

Stuffed, but knowing there would be wedding cake later in the day, some wondered if their armor would probably get too tight. Liara turned to Din.

"We need to take some pictures. I would so love to send some to Peli and Cara!"

Din agreed, he had thought of it as well and hoped Peli wasn't upset that she couldn't be at her niece's wedding. Halla had taken her camera and was looking for a nice background with the three of them. 

"Thank you so much for helping me!"

Liara and Din heard this statement and saw Fara holding an elderly lady by the hand and leading her to them. The old lady was also using a walking stick to support herself. Her stooped posture and gait was very cautious, advancing only in small steps. On her arms she wore dark red splints. Din rose, as did Tauno, and came toward the two to help her. Fara took a seat on Liara's lap, eyeing the lady curiously, while the older one settled down on Din's chair.

"Vina, they said you weren't feeling well. I didn't expect your visit at all!" said Tauno delightedly and Vina sighed.

"My age doesn't lie, and I'm ready to meet the Creator. But he gave me the power for today, I really needed to come here!"

Vina ran a smile down Fara's cheek, then looked Liara in the eye.

"I'm sure you won't be able to hear it by now, but you bear so much resemblance to your father. He was such a sweet boy. He came to me when he was Fara's age. His parents died when they were on a mission. I raised the orphans!"

Liara listened spellbound to what Vina told.

"Elric was a lovely boy. Always helpful and tried to settle the quarrels of the older ones despite his young age. I kept something of his when he got older and he didn't use it anymore!"

Vina rummaged in her bag, then pulled out a white pouch and handed it to Liara.

"Look inside!"

Carefully she opened the pouch, she pulled out a narrow bracer, it was blue and had several white dots on it.

"It can only provide some light. Anything else would be too dangerous for the kids!" laughed Vina, pressing on one spot. The white dots started to flicker.

"Unfortunately, she doesn't have that much energy anymore. But I thought, when I heard that a child was accompanying you, that she would be something for Fara!"

Liara nodded, moved. She held something in her hands that had belonged to her father.

"When I followed Lean into an uncertain future, the splint was one of the few keepsakes I took with me from Mandalore. Materially speaking. No one can take the memories in here away from me!"

Vina's hand rested on her chest before wrapping around Liara's.

"This memento of your father is now yours! And Fara!" she then winked at the girl.

Din noticed how Liara tried to hold back her emotions, but she lost and tears overwhelmed her. "Mom?", Fara asked worriedly, but Liara shook her head smiling.

"Everything is fine, my darling!"

She hugged the girl to her, then Liara looked at Vina gratefully. With difficulty the old woman rose again and slowly went back to her place. Tauno took the splint and looked at Fara.

"Shall we see if there's a new battery for it in the house? Then we can put the splint on you right away!"

Fara jumped excitedly from Liara's lap and ran with Tauno to the house. Shortly after, the girl could be seen beaming with joy with a working bracer.

The conversations grew quieter the further Lean got away from it. The party was still in full swing, but he needed some time to himself now. So he sought out the pavilion where he could sit down. When he approached it, he saw a small person sitting there and he looked at her in surprise.

"Dagli, why aren't you with the company? Din and Liara would be happy!"

The addressed one shook her head.

"I heard everything, including the challenge!"

Lean nodded and sat down opposite Dagli. The eyed Lean for a while.

"I can't help you anymore!"

Lean bit his lips, just nodded.

"I can feel you getting weaker, now it's up to your will to get through more days!"

"I'M AWARE OF THAT!", Lean stammered out in a roar, looking at Dagli in shock the next moment, hoping no one had heard him.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you!"

His counterpart didn't seem incensed; her look was understanding.

"You know your body is ready, your head and soul would be too, but now you find it hard to part with them!"

Dagli could see Lean struggling with himself.

"He will win against Raven and be a good leader. I won't live to see the latter, but I want, no, I have to be by his side when he goes up against Raven!"

Dagli struggled for a moment, then left her seat and went to Lean. Her hand touched his, seeming cold. Dagli closed her eyes and Lean gasped, then tears ran down his cheeks. He grew warm and Dagli let go of him. Then she nodded and walked out of the pavilion.

"Farewell!" she said, knowing she had seen him for the last time. 

@rain-on-kamino

[springdevilhome]

Picture This, A Beautitul Woman You Spot and A Decade and a Half of Believing Love's Past You

This I wrote on February 7th, 2023.

So, I was in a toxic relationship during this time. A year and nine or so months in, I was pretty destroyed. I was with a man. And in the process of killing my true self as a means of catering to this person, I had effectively repressed anything "queer" about me. My attraction to women, my fancy of fun hodge-podge fashion that toes all lines of gender, my own hobbies and interests that deviate from convention or money, my solidarity with marginalized peoples and my willingness to be outspoken about abusive systems, ... the list goes on. I ended the relationship on March. I was liberated. But the previous month, on February, I was bed-ridden, only capable of scrolling on my phone as my muscles atrophied in those grueling sedentary months when my psyche finally gave in to the manipulation, stress, and abuse. I saw a picture of a beautiful woman with heart shaped glasses on Instagram by chance. She was so, so pretty. I wanted to love again. I wanted to love women again, as much as my heart desired. And I suddenly thought about a single father being consumed by his desire after years of not permitting himself to feel anything romantic. And he, just like me, had seen this picture of a beautiful woman. I wanted to spill him out through my fingers. And so he is. He was wrest onto existence. And I love women.

◇ ◇ ◇

sweating, shocked and shaken man running back home and closing and locking the door as soon as he gets in,

and as soon as he checks that all of the entrances are closed and locked he finds a wall that is the furthest away from the main entrance of the house, leans against it, and sinks to the floor, sitting in a foetal position, taking off his glasses and rubbing his nose bridge in between the tips of two of his fingers. He lets out a long, drawn out, shaky sigh, and puts his face in his hands. as a seasoned single dad, the sense of responsibility he carries is like a mountain and so he rarely shows such a vulnerable and shaken state. his daughter, now a grown adult but still pretty unnerved by this sight, approaches him with much worry, and asks him what's wrong. After several moments of pained heaving, he finally takes ahold of his shaky voice to force it to speak, and opens his mouth.

"Just seen a woman dressed in a colorful top and some heart-shaped sunglasses.

....

..

......

She was beautiful."

What was he so afraid of? The sins of the flesh? The carnal desires of mankind finally besting him after all these years? Being a bad father? Not setting a good example as a now graying man who thought romance as being long past him, ever since he - upon leaving that old town - left it at the doorstep of the last home in which he felt love towards a woman - swearing it off just as he did foolishness? Being consumed by all of the normal joys he denied himself for more than a decade and a half? Learning that those joys were not dead, and even if they were, the imprints they left hanging on his skin were not mere vestiges but fresh wounds? What, was he so afraid of?

Actually, I don't even want to know. I actually started writing this because I wanted to make a funny and long-winded yet disposable outlet for being overcome by a strange feeling that was hard to describe upon seeing a picture of a beautiful woman in a sports game in America somewhere. But oh lord, I am now actually attached to this initially throwaway, one-time-use character guy I made for my own venting. God, I don't want him to be left there hanging. I don't want him to be a throwaway, disposable, and one-time-use character or guy. I want him to be happy. I want - I want him to let go of all of the fetters that may have actually been forcibly put on him at first, but are now only kept there remaining by his own very hands, and no one else's. Man, oh man. Guy, please be happy. Dang. In my mind I'll conjure up a half-assed yet still affordable and convincing happy outcome for you, so that we both can have some peace of mind. Damn, guy. Marry another woman. Your kids are all grown up. Hell, get that geology bachelor's degree you always wanted. Jesus Christ. Get a garden. For god's sake. Ain't nobody important in the world but you and the people who make you happy! God damn! I'll write you off as a happy guy, do doubt about it. Alright? Okay. Good. Now I'll also go to sleep. Love ya, rest easy, man.

[allenvooreef]

With all the new people coming over from Twitter, and also just as a general refresher, here's an introduction to my blog.

About me: I’m Eef (she/they pronouns), a 30 year old artist from that mystical realm called the Netherlands. 

After the Great Tumblr Exodus of late 2018 I’ve been most active on twitter, but we all know how that's been going lately so I've been trying to carve out my space here again. You can also find me on instagram if you’d like to see roughly 213% more pictures of my dog, Soup! 

This blog contains: Art - #my art I draw stuff! Lots of silly sketches, sometimes more polished works. This tag contains the highlights.

Raiden - #raiden At the moment, I mostly draw things inspired by my D&D campaign. You’ll find everything surrounding my asshole rogue Raiden in this tag!

Sigmar - #sigmar My anxious soft boi in a Dragon Age TTRPG, who has been trying to find his missing friend. 

Dragon Age - #dragonage I went through a very heavy Dragon Age phase for several years, so there’s lots of related artwork here! 90% is of my babe #alistairtheirin. No regrets. Dragon Age 4 when?

Dailies - #daily drawing From 2016 to 2018 I made a drawing every single day. There’s 1096 of them, and you’ll find them all in this tag! My ramblings - #eef talks I enjoy talking to you and will answer all your asks to the best of my ability. You’re also more than welcome to message me about nothing in particular.

I use my second blog for all reblogs but I do occasionally signal boost other artists’ commission info on here, as well as important things about current events. If there’s ever anything I should be tagging that I’m not, or if you have other feedback for me, please let me know. I take commissions! Check out my info here :) Want to buy my stuff? I have a RedBubble page, as well as an Etsy! Side blog: @eefvoorallen​ - This is where I reblog all the shit I like. Fandom stuff, beautiful art, art references, prompts and things I just find funny or pretty. Oh and dogs. There’s also dogs. If that’s your jam, give me a follow.

@anywaymurder - A blog for Raiden’s D&D campaign, where we collect art, session summaries, character info and anecdotes.  I think that’s about it! I’ll edit this post if anything else comes to mind. I’m excited to have you all here and I hope you’ll enjoy your time on tumblr!