#if you guys don’t buy these I will come to ur house and hunt you for sport

[icantspeakspanish]

Being Seijoh‘s queer manager - Headcanons

Ship: Platonic!Oikawa x Platonic!Reader / Platonic!Iwaizumi x Platonic!Reader / Platonic!Hanamaki x Platonic!Reader / Platonic!Matsukawa x Platonic!Reader

Warnings: actually none. It’s just fluff and maybe the 3rd years flipping of some mean people

masterlist

A/n: I recently can’t stop thinking about headcanons to that, so enjoy I guess🕳🚶

Coming out to them

Oikawa Tooru

Okay listen

Oikawa pays SO MUCH attention to his friends

Like, if you’re looking at a person longer than u look at other people, this mf will notice that right then and there

Don’t worry, he wont just point that out

Maybe he‘ll drop some dumb comments like the dumb clown he is, but he wont spill anything

Oikawa is going to be more observing

One day you just hang out with him

and this shithead has a fucking plan

I do not kid you when I‘m telling u he has a whole maSTERPLAN??😀

both of you are on your own phone, you scrolling though Instagram liking memes about ur closeted sexuality and laughing inside, I see you

Then Oikawa plays on purpose one song

„Me and your girlfriend playin' dress up at my house..“

You immediately freeze

🎶👹Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious👹🎶

You literally try so hard to sent a gaze on Oikawas phone without him noticing

LMFAO NOT U FAILING

Anyways

You see in the upper corner of your eye how Oikawa is grinning SO BOLD AT YOU BYE

Brb, just getting a tomato to complain it to your face❤️

Tbh, he wasn’t even sure till you turned red like there ain’t no other choice

You just acted obvious as fU-

Oikawa will deadass laugh at your confused face, but then hug you

„Why didn’t you say anything? I could‘ve get you a significant other so much earlier???“

Slap him pls

After you tell him that you just felt really anxious or something like that, Oikawa will hug you again

He will tell you that he loves you no matter what and that he‘s sure the team will too

Oikawa will absolutely get you like a pride flag to surprise you

He‘s so proud of you and happy you told him🥺

Oikawa will literally look in public out for a partner for u 💀

Put a leash on that piece of crap, or I will

If you’re part of the asexual spectrum, Oikawa will make sure no one is making you uncomfortable and to know your boundaries about jokes, touching, etc.

Will text u things like

„Y/N PLEASE DON‘T TELL ME U DATE THEM?? IS U BLIIIIIIND?????!“

Hit him

„If you have to reject this dipshit one more time, I‘ll let Iwaizumi and Kyiotani go WiLD😐“

Love him

„If you wont make a move on them, I will🤨“

Throw him off a bridge

Oikawa is always going to be there for you, ready to let his fangirls flip off everyone who just looks the wrong way at you

He just loves you and wants u to be happy🥺

HE‘S STILL RUDE ASHSDJDN

Iwaizumi Hajime

Iwa isn’t suspecting anything

Sure, he cares about you, but he doesn’t care about which gender u love

He doesent think that is any of his business, he just wants u to be happy and treaten well and taken care of

Pls I love him

since Iwaizumi wont suspect anything, you’ll have to make the first move into this conversation.

So when you and Iwa walk home after practice it seems like the perfect time

You don’t know how to start, so you sorta just blurt that shit out

„Iwaizumi?“

„What‘s up?“

„I‘m ____“

„Okay.“

Your legs stop moving

You look at him like 👁👄👁

he be having the audacity to stop walking and ask you what’s wrong

„Did you understand what I just said?“

„Yeah, why?“

Y/n.exe stopped working

„WHY DO YOU JUST SAY „OKAY“ LIKE A FOOL?!“

„EXCUSE ME?“

Iwaizumi.exe crashed too

„What else am I supposed to say?! You’re my friend, I don’t care which gender you having sex with!“

He ain’t good with words I‘m sorry🧑‍🦯

Will ruffle you’re hair and tell you not to worry, he can beat up any gender😩👌

I actually don’t think he‘d ask you questions. He doesen’t want to make you uncomfortable and just googles about it if there’s anything he doesen’t understand. Iwaizumi is actually pretty invested and wants to learn about your sexuality since one of his closest friends just came out to him.

If anyone is being rude to you, Iwaizumi will pop off

If he’s shopping or smth like that and sees something with pride colors / your flag colors, he will buy that and give it to you

Definitely ready to beat up anyone who tries to insult you because of your sexuality

Radiates big protective dad energy and wants to meet your partner before y’all go out

Iwa just wants you to stay safe

10/10 would recommend marriage 💯

Hanamaki Takahiro

„Are you gay?“

You look pale into his face

„whAT?!“

LMFAO I‘D BE CONFUSED TOO

„Is that a yes?“

„MAKKI!“

I don‘t even know why, but he would definitely know

Not your sexuality EXACTLY, but he knows you ain’t straight

Makki also uses that as an explanation and tells you you didn’t looked hetero from the start

Excuse you-

He‘s just a natural i guess

You tell him then what your actual sexuality is and Hanamaki is so chill about it

Will smile at you and tell you that he‘s proud of you and maybe apologizing for blurting that shit out of the blue

If someone is making you uncomfortable in anyway, Hanamaki will hunt them down to make them apologize

he will sent you some lgbtq+ memes and capture it with „That reminds me of u“

Matsukawa Issei

Hear me out

He makes jokes often

and since you (as seijohs manager) hang out with them often, both of you joke often

like y’all have some insiders, you give joking answers to his jokes

so when you and Mattsun went out to get drinks, he was joking as usual

„He/she’d be a great fiancé. dont you think?“

U look in the direction he’s pointing and see a friend group who’s chatting

„Naaah. His/her friend looks hotter“

u actually said that without thinking and as soon as you realize u started to blush and look to him

Matsukawa still looks into that direction.

„you’re right, they got that dumptruck“ BYE

„Matsukawa Issei, I knew youre an ass dude!“

pls y’all are so casual

after that he asks you if you meant that and really are interested in this gender

„wait that’s ___, right?“

you nod a bit surprised because you didn’t expect him to know the name of your sexuality

WOULD SENT YOU MEMES TOO AND ASK PEOPLE OUT FOR YOU BYE

Matsukawa looks intimidating like Iwaizumi, but he‘d joke around with your date tbh

but if they’re being shitty to you, Matsukawa won’t hesitate to sent them to hell

as long as they won’t hurt you physically, he will make so mean jokes, always pick a fight with them and is SO sarcastic towards them💀

mattsun also made you a playlist with like pride songs

Going to a Pride parade with them!!

OIKAWA IS SO EXCITED JABSNFBXB

He will absolutely wear a pride flag and be SO proud

he‘ll tries to make some friends for you so you have some people who‘re like you

hes a dumbass, sorry<\3

when you ask Iwaizumi to come with you and the team, he will firstly act annoyed and like he doesen’t want to go but Oikawa drags him anyway dw

if there’s like rainbow ice he will buy it for you what a sugar daddy

Iwaizumi will act annoyed and bored for most of the time, but as soon as you look two seconds away from him and turn back around, this men has rainbow flags on both of his cheeks🥺

someone also gave him a small pride flag and he’s swinging it since then the entire time GOD I‘M SO DOWN FOR SOFT IWAIZUMI PLEASE

some guys talked to him because they thought he’s 💅🏻 and hot and Oikawa let out a scream BAHAHA

Iwa explained himself so politely tho<3

Hanamaki found SO MANY FRIENDS GOODBYE

ofc he and matsukawa bought this thing with what you can draw those rainbow flags on your cheeks and they put it on Oikawas, yours, Iwaizumis and their own face

actually they have now rainbowflags all over their body because they think they look cool🧚‍♀️

and they will protect you from creeps <3

remember when I said Mattsun made a playlist for you? Oikawa‘s blasting that shit and dancing to it ofc he danced with you duh

after that day, Hanamaki changed y’all’s gc name to „y/n‘s protection squad“

[lotsoffandomstoimagine]

hey! i hope ur doin well! could i possibly get a botw champions x champion reader where the reader has a divine beast? and could it be platonic if ya dont mind! also sry if this is bad it came up in my mind at like 2 in the mornin.

Hell yeah! Platonic chaotic found family coming up! Sorry if it's kinda short, tumblr erased my entire draft twice

TW cursing because I got excited

Having a divine beast means having the gang as your friends

It comes with the job

Y'all have so much fun

Revali is your bastard cousin that sets your toys on fire

It wasn't on purpose but like.... At least he didn't come out unscathed

He was fine mostly

Daruk is your cool uncle

Y'all go rock hunting sometimes and if you're feral (or a Goron) y'all try that shit like wine testers

"The smooth taste of dirt in this one accentuates the metallic sting" "I don't understand what yer saying, kid but yeah"

Urbosa and Zelda have yelled at him for enabling you

But Zelda eats raw frogs so it was kinda hypocritical

Speaking of which, Urbosa is so fun to be around

She's not a regular mom, she's a cool mom

Y'all went sandseal racing

She won, obviously but she gave you a really cute seal plushie afterwards so it was fine

Mipha is your cool older sister who buys you icecream just because

Y'all get together and DRAG Revali

Poor birb

Sometimes it gets too much that you feel bad and go over and give him a hug (yeah, he lets you hug him)

But anyways Mipha and you have so many inside jokes that it scares the others

Monthly cookouts guys

Mipha brought baby Sidon once and he almost walked into the fire pit

She didn't bring him back

Riju joins sometimes

You, Riju, Mipha, and Zelda have a little gossip sesh sometimes while Urbosa and Daruk try to stop Link from ripping Revali's braids out

Link now has a braid framed on one of the walls of his house

Overall, it's so much fun to hang out with them

It's a big, chaotic family, but you wouldn't have it any other way

[maybeimamuppet]

day 21 (with twins): inviting friends over

day 21! holy crap four more days!!!

the twins are seven months old here!

enjoy!!

—————

“Do you think Damian still has his Santa costume from high school?” Cady asks one night at about two in the morning.

“Why?” Janis groans, crawling back into bed after getting the twins back to sleep.

“I want to get Santa photos with the squishes,” Cady says. “But the mall can be kind of overwhelming, and their stranger danger sense is sort of on overdrive right now. But they know him, so I think if he was willing to be Santa for us they’d go a lot better.”

“Oh,” Janis yawns. “He probably does, I’ll text him tomorrow. If not we can just put you in your rocking around the pole costume.”

“Absolutely not,” Cady yawns back. “I should’ve burned that thing a long time ago.”

“Noooo,” Janis pleads. Cady flicks her gently before cuddling in under the duvet.

“Dork. Goodnight, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

-

Janis keeps her promise and texts Damian as soon as they wake up the next morning, while Cady feeds the babies.

danis: hey i have a kinda weird question

jamian: Janjan you haven’t ever had a question that hasn’t been weird

danis: >:l

jamian: You know I love youuuuuuu~

danis: >:l

jamian: Come on man

danis: >:l

danis: fine i love you too

jamian: There we go. Order has been restored to the universe

jamian: Now what do you need

danis: do u still have ur santa costume from hs

jamian: I never had one, that was property of the school

danis: eew

jamian: Yeah it didn’t smell fantastic

jamian: Why?

danis: cads wants the smalls to meet santa but they’re at the age where they’re like super terrified of strangers

jamian: Aww!!!!

jamian: I’ll buy a new one of course I’ll be Santa

danis: aww d

danis: you don’t have to do that

jamian: Janis

jamian: I Will Be Santa And You Can’t Stop Me

danis: um

danis: ok

danis: u free tomorrow? im gonna see if reg can take pics too, cads wants those

jamian: Got it. I’m off to go hunt Santa

danis: why are we still friends

jamian: Bc you looooove me

danis: i do. love you dork talk later

jamian: Love you too. Cuddle those babies for me

danis: 👍👍

“Okay, he says he doesn’t have it anymore, but he’s gonna buy a new one,” Janis says. Cady hands over a baby to be burped and gets to work feeding the next one.

“He doesn’t have to do that,” Cady says.

“I tried to tell him that,” Janis murmurs, drumming gently on her baby’s back. “He’s a very committed uncle.”

“Yeah,” Cady says, smiling down at the baby nursing and gently stroking a finger over a chubby cheek. “You two are so lucky. You have sooo many people who love you.”

Janis holds the baby she has aloft and kisses all over her face, smiling at the happy little squeal she gets in response. “But we love you most!”

—-

“Ho ho ho!” Damian greets when he enters their house the next day, trailed by Aaron in an elf costume. “Oh my goodness, Christmas fairies.”

Cady smiles and bounces the babies slightly to make them smile. They’re in matching long sleeved white onesies, complete with fluffy tutus and little Santa hats. Leo’s onesie says ‘Santa Baby’ in red, and Layla’s says it in green. “They just woke up from their nap, they’re still a little tired. Come here, girls, come say hi!”

Damian reaches out to hold them to say hello, so Cady passes them both over. Janis comes down the stairs then, holding a white sheet Regina had requested for their backdrop. “Hey guys. Looking killer.”

“Thanks,” Aaron nods, making the bell on top of his hat jingle. “Two for one deal.”

“You do look awesome,” Cady laughs. Her daughters seem to be assessing Damian. Neither of them have cuddled in like they usually do, and are instead staring intently at his face. Leo suddenly gives a frightened whimper and bursts into tears. Layla screams when her sister starts to cry and continues wailing as they both reach out for someone to take them away from the scary stranger who’s grabbed them. “Oh no! Oh, sweethearts, come here.”

She takes her babies back carefully, pouting as they both bury their terrified little faces in her shoulder and cry. Janis motions for Damian to take his hat and beard off so they can see his face before she comes to help Cady calm the babies down.

“Eee!” Leo wails desperately when she sees Janis’ face, clinging to her tightly while Layla is wrapped around Cady.

“Shh, Bumblebee, Mommy’s got you,” Janis hushes. “That’s just Uncle Damian, baby! Look.”

Leo warily pokes her little face out to see, wrapping her arms tightly around Janis for safety. Janis holds her just as tight and points to Damian, who waves.

“Hi Lolo! It’s just me,” he says in his usual voice. “You don’t have to be scared.”

“Dedede?” Leo asks curiously, tilting her head in confusion. It definitely didn’t look like Uncle Damian a minute ago.

“Yeah, that’s Uncle Damian, see?” Janis asks. Leo sniffles, but continues looking. Janis dries her baby’s tears and kisses her cheek. “Mama and I won’t give you to strangers, you’re okay.”

“I get it man, I’m scared of Santa too,” Damian chuckles, taking Leo back as she reaches out for him again. “He seeeees you when you’re sleeping, and knoooooows when you’re awake!”

“That is kinda creepy,” Cady laughs, still trying to coax Layla to look again. “My poor little squish, you’re okay! Mama’s here, you’re okay, I promise. Shh, sweetheart.”

“Hey,” Regina calls as she enters the house with her camera, flanked by her girlfriends.

“Uh oh, what happened to the babies?” Karen frowns.

“We had a scare with Santa,” Janis chuckles. “They’re only seven months old, they’re not the best with faces yet.”

“This one seems fine,” Gretchen says, tickling Leo’s tummy and kissing her cheek in greeting as she heads by. Leo giggles and tucks her head to try to squish Gretchen away.

“Yeah, and she’s usually our little scaredy cat too,” Cady giggles. “Must be the uncle love override. Lala’s just taking her time.”

“Poor thing,” Aaron frowns. “Can I try something?”

“Of course,” Cady says, continuing to bounce and hush her baby to calm her down. Aaron comes up and gently tries to get Layla to turn her head the other way. After a bit of tapping and gentle coaxing, Layla flips her head around and rests against her teary face back against Cady’s shoulder.

Aaron takes his hat off so she can see his face a bit better, then covers it with his hands. “Peek a boo!”

Layla pauses her wailing for a second, confused by this new game. Aaron does it again and gets a very serious face in return. The third time seems to be the charm, as Layla finally gives a little smile. Aaron continues doing it until she giggles.

“Aww, there we go,” Cady chuckles. “Do you wanna go with Uncle Aaron?”

Layla sniffles and nods, reaching out for him. Aaron takes her and gently tosses her in the air a couple times before bringing her back over to Damian.

“Look, see? Your sister’s with Damian, you don’t have to be scared of him,” Aaron says. Layla pensively chews on an index finger. “You’re gonna hold some serious grudges when you’re older, kiddo.”

“Eee,” Layla says, reaching for Janis. She’s still a little wary of everything going on.

“Come here,” Janis chuckles, taking her daughter from Aaron. “It’s just Uncle Damian! He just had on a silly hat, look. No strangers.”

Layla looks thoughtfully, but makes no effort to leave Janis’ hold. Janis chuckles again and carries her over to the living room.

“Poor baby. Let’s go see what Aunt Reggie’s up to, hm?”

“Stop calling me that!” Regina calls as she stands on the couch to hang the sheet from the ceiling. Gretchen adds some decorative ornaments around so it’s not all one color.

“Regina’s too hard for them to say,” Janis defends.

“What about Gretchen?”

“They can’t say Gretchen either,” Janis says. She points to Gretchen standing nearby. “Who’s that, Ladybug?”

“Gigigigi,” Layla babbles.

“See? Gretchen’s Aunt GG.”

“Why can’t I be Aunt Gina or something?”

Janis shrugs. “That bit’s just me. I think Aunt Reggie suits you.”

“I hate you,” Regina grumbles sarcastically. “Only for you two, Layla. I’ll only be Reggie for you.”

Layla giggles even though she clearly doesn’t understand what they’re talking about. Janis smiles when she sees her baby smile. “There we go, there’s my happy girl. Are you ready for your pictures?”

Layla looks at her curiously and nods. Regina smiles and comes over. “I should get some practice ones, can I hold you?”

Layla eagerly reaches out for her auntie, and Janis lets her go. Regina positions her on the sheet covered couch and crouches down to get some practice shots so her camera is properly adjusted for the lighting in this environment. Layla pats the cushions she’s on with her little hands and starts chewing on her tutu.

“Ladybug, what are you doing?” Cady chuckles when she comes to see what they’re up to. Damian, Aaron, and Leo follow her. “Is your outfit yummy?”

“Mmmmm,” Layla replies with a little smile.

“You little goofball,” Cady hums affectionately. Layla reaches out, so Cady goes to kiss all over her little face. “You’re such a good model! Such a big smile for your pictures!”

“Those outfits are adorable,” Regina says as she sneakily snaps a few of Cady with one of her babies. Damian heads over and pops Leo by her sister so they can get some of the two of them together. “Ah, there’s the other one! Can one of you get them to look at me? Ish?”

Karen does a goofy little dance behind Regina and waves one of their toys around to make a jingle noise. The babies look at her and giggle at her antics, making for an absolutely adorable photo.

“Do you want any with you guys?” Regina asks. Janis looks at Cady, who shrugs and nods. Each of them take a baby on their lap and hold them close. Regina coaches them through a few poses. Kissing while the babies smile at the camera, kissing the babies, tickling the babies and smiling at their giggles. They also get one gem inadvertently as Layla tried to wriggle into a new position and stuck her little fist into Janis’ mouth.

“Alright, how are we doing this if they’re scared of Santa?” Regina asks once that’s sorted out, resting her camera against her shoulder. Damian shrugs.

“Sit down,” Janis says, a plan forming in her mind. Damian does as the babies are gently removed to make room. “Okay, now take them and let them look at you for a while.”

Damian does, holding the twins to face him on his lap. They both giggle and reach for his face like normal, wanting to play with their favorite uncle. Damian tickles them and cuddles them to make them feel safe.

Slowly, the babies are turned to face the camera, and Aaron sneaks up to put Damian’s hat and beard back on.

“Now everyone do literally anything to stop them looking backwards,” Janis instructs. Everyone understands the assignment.

Regina moves around the room for different angles so they track her instead of looking at Damian. Aaron jingles the bell on his hat to catch their eye, and Gretchen and Karen dance behind Regina. Cady sits on the ground just out of frame and coos at them keep their attention, and Janis grabs some of their favorite snacks to offer as a reward every time they get a few solid photos.

“That’s probably enough,” Regina says after snapping a few almost directly in their faces. Layla reaches out to grab her camera, and Regina just barely pulls it back in time to avoid getting chubby little fingerprints all over the very expensive lens. “Good job, twins!”

Everyone goes to peek over her shoulders at a few of the photos. Cady smiles happily at the ones she’s allowed to see. “These are perfect, oh my goodness! So cute. Thank you guys so much.”

“Anytime,” Damian chuckles. “We love these munchkins!”

Leo looks at him warily, but this time Damian remembers to remove his beard and hat. She stays suspicious, but reaches for him again.

“Do you guys want to stay for dinner? We have cookies,” Janis offers.

“Jay, we can’t give them cookies for dinner,” Cady admonishes.

“No, I meant, like… separately. Those were two different offers,” Janis corrects.

“Oh. Yeah, do you guys want to stay?”

Everyone looks to their respective partners to check before shrugging. “Yeah, sure. We haven’t seen enough of you guys recently.”

—-

They may have ended up having cookies for dinner.

—————

hope you enjoyed!! see you tomorrow!

[kingneptunesthinninghead]

How much do you weigh? what a weirdly personal question

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? sitting in the shade reading a book

Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? yes but not in a way that will ever be truly fulfilling

What’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? i live in a very rural area so i grew up with hunting for sport extremely normalized but once i actually developed and used my critical thinking skills i realized how morally reprehensible it is. literally just begging these people to use their brains.

Do you have a fairly fast or slow internet connection? eh its pretty fast

Have you ever been someplace tropical? florida lmao

Are you sensitive to caffeine? somewhat. i dont really consume it that much

How do you usually get around? driving myself

Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? no bc i’m generally pretty independent unless i reallyyyy like someone

What do you think about Kim Kardashian? neutral

Can you speak any French? je parle un peu français

Favorite yogurt flavor? i’m lactose intolerant so i recently tried dairy free yogurt and i hated it sooo i guess none

How much money do you have in your wallet right now? i dont have any cash in my wallet rn lol

What bottled water brand do you like? deer park or aquafina

Your favorite way to eat chocolate? brownies

How often do you listen to country music? sometimes.

Linkin Park or Avenged Sevenfold? neither

Last surgery you had? my wisdom teeth surgery

Have you ever played guitar? no but i wish i could

Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? um i dont think so

What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? a little more confidence

Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? maybe

Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? i dont have very many online friends anymore but when i had a bunch i loved talking to them

Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? only for something i really like.

Do you have any stickers on your laptop? a bunch

Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? early in the morning so then i have the rest of the day to myself when i get off

Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? i have a workout app but that’s it.

Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? my mom, sister, and my 2 best friends

If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? probably the women’s suffrage movement or the civil rights movement

Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it?i want to tell him how i feel but i’m afraid i’ll ruin the friendship

What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? wear a tampon i’m sorry but i can’t do it

Have Jehovah's Witnesses ever come to your door? no

Are you well-known by people in your area? eh somewhat

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no and i dont want to

What's your favourite type of bird? owls!!

What tv show(s) have you been watching currently? i’m watching loki, hsmtmts, planning to watch s2 of never have i ever, and i started one piece but i haven’t watched in a while

Have you ever dated a smoker? no but that might change😳

Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? no

Have you ever been a member in a band? No.

Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No.

Do you have separate emails for personal and business? i have my school email and personal email

Have you ever missed a flight? no

Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? i think so.

Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible? i literally rode in my best friend’s convertible last night lmao

Why did you last need to use a band-aid? i dont remember

What fruit do you eat most often? bananas and clementines

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? maybe my great uncle?

Has someone ever tried to start an argument with you over Facebook? What happened? no but i’ve been in a few on insta and twitter.

Have you ever had an unusual type of milk (eg. oat, rice, almond)? i don’t straight up drink milk but i love things made with almond milk.

If you could experience life as a Disney princess for a week, which princess would you pick and why? elsa i want ice powers

When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? sometimes but normally during the day i’m in the living room with my family

If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? No.

Do you find piercings attractive? Yep.

Do you like potato chips? Loooove 'em.

What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? i’ve looked up a few people’s houses on zillow in my day.

Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? absolutely, you shouldn’t hit anyone

What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? my top 3 are princess and the frog, tangled, and frozen 2. i also love the little mermaid

Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. idrk

“Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? it depends on what it is. it should also be mixed with some loving or praise talk imo

What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? i LOVE italian food specifically fettuccine alfredo and i also love asian food such as general tso’s, sweet and sour chicken, lo mein, shrimp fried rice, LUMPIA 🤤

How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? i’ve always liked my hair color and thickness. i always go back and forth between growing it out long and cutting it short bc i can never choose which i like more also it has lots of red undertones so i’m thinking about dyeing it a deep red

How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? hypothetically it would be a red flag to me. a clear sign they haven’t moved on from the past

Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? a good smelling cologne on a man will quite literally make me bust a nut.

Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? i’d want them to unless it didnt fit or something

What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? i’m very close with my family so i’ve always loved the idea of having one of my own with my future spouse

Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? i definitely have ideas for my wedding and i would want it to go a certain way according to our plan but in the end if things go wrong or plans change it wouldn’t matter as long as i’m marrying the loml.

Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? i wouldn’t consider it cheating if he was just watching but i would be angry that he hid it from me

How old is too old for trick-or-treating? i dont think it matters unless ur posing a danger to little children

Do you sleep with your arms over or under the covers? depends but mostly under

Do you own any t-shirts of your favorite band? i have nsync and harry styles shirts but thats it

Fries or onion rings? Fries.

True/False: you’ve had an odd dream this week. all the time but most of the time i forget them right after i wake up

Do you find tattoo sleeves attractive? depends

Do you like carving pumpkins? Yeah.

What’s an animal you want to have as a pet but can’t? i think raccoons are adorable but its kindaaaa hard to domesticate them

Have your parents ever caught you drinking? no bc my parents let me drink in the house and i’ve told them abt every time i’ve drank at college

How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? i would absolutely piss and shit on myself.

Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? no

The person you have a crush on is drunk and goes to kiss you, you know they don’t realize what they’re doing, but do you kiss anyways? i would stop it even if i want to bc i don’t want them to regret anything and i wouldn’t want them to kiss me if they don’t like me bc it would hurt too much.

What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? i would love them all but something abt a guy taking the time to write a poem for me makes me melt

Do you any shirts with any kind of images of food on them? no.

Which holiday is the most fun to decorate for? halloween

What was the first website you had an email account on? gmail

Have you ever written a fanfic? YES AHSHDH.

Tattoos or piercings? tats for sure.

What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? the scene where alexei breaks the inmate’s wrist in black widow is SO GROSS i cringe every time

Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? definitely a little cozy one

Do you have a tutor for anything? No.

Who’s the best kisser you know? i’ve only kissed one person.

Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No. I'd like it to stay that way.

(If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shortie" instead of girl? no and i hope they dont

Do you have a deep voice? not really

Do you play games with boys/girls, like 'hard to get’? no thats dumb

Is there a Sonic where you live? yes i’m a whore for sonic

What do you like on your pizza? pepperoni or sausage

[jeawrites]

A Nolga Fic Cause ur a Nerd

David stared at his mother, shifting in his spot, throat dry as she explained to him the situation. “Yer dad and I found a better job out there… We know this’ll be hard on ye, but ye’ll make new friends, and we’ll buy ye a new phone once we get there so you can keep in touch with everyone here,” she promised. He looked to the floor for a moment, before giving a small nod. “Alright,” he agreed, his voice quiet and dragged out. “I… I’m sure this is for the better,” he added, smiling forcedly before adding, “When do we leave?” 

His mother was happy beyond belief, hugging him tightly. “Thank ye so much for understanding, Honey. We won’t be leavin’ until the last day of yer school year. Jus’ t’ give ye a chance t’ say goodbye to everyone.”

–

He probably should have taken the hint and told his friends he was leaving earlier than the day before school was out for the year. 

He sat at the lunch table, shifting in his seat in a way that made it look like he just couldn’t get comfortable. He could hardly pay attention to the sly comment Ryan made, or the response he got back from Scotty. 

He felt a hand tap him on the back and he glanced to the side, where Brian smiled at him softly. “Ye good, man?” he mumbled, glancing to their friends, who were off in a conversation of their own, before back at him with curiosity. “I dunno,” David answered, shrinking in his spot. “I…” He swallowed, before feeling a punch on his arm. He turned, while rubbing the spot, to face Tyler. He grinned at him, raising a brow. “You both talking without us? Dare I say… Gossiping?” Marcel faked a gasp and made the other laugh. 

David tried to smile but it wouldn’t form. That’s what got Brock’s attention.

Dear, loveable, and always paying attention to detail Brock. “Are you okay?” he asked. 

And, he was sure Brock was expecting a simple yes or no, not David getting teary eyed or choked up as he shook his head. Not David sobbing into his hands as he friends grew concerned and tried to comfort him. Not him excusing himself and hurrying to the hallway, and definitely not finding him in the library at the end of the day, tear stained and stressed looking, his face resting on a table.

The library stayed open an hour after school got out, so the group all pulled up a chair and sat down with David.

“Talk to us buddy,” Evan stated, nudging his shoulder gently as a sign of affection and comfort but it just hurt David more. He sat up, a sniffling mess as he wiped his eyes. “I’m… I’m move tomorrow,” he mumbled.

“You’re moving?” Tyler repeated, his face twisted in an emotion he couldn’t quite place, but he knew he didn’t like. He nodded reluctantly, and the taller glared. “What the fuck do you mean? Sense when?” he sounded surprised, angry, definitely, but confused too. “Well, I mean I won’t be here for sophomore year, or anythin’ after,” he answered, messing with his hands. “My mum and I talked and she said it’s better for the family if we move,” he trailed off. “Well when is the move?” Brian asked, chiming in hesitantly.

Oh god this was hurting. 

“Tomorrow,” he answered hesitantly, gripping his hands together as the group started to immediately freak out, only quietting down as a librarian shushed them. “How long have ye known?” Brian asked, looking at him intently. “A few months? I forgot about it t’ be fair, I didn’t think it was real,” he rubbed the back of his head, could feel a few glares, but the group kept their cool. “Did you get a sat in it?” Brock took his turn, speaking slow, looking for answers. David didn’t face him, only giving a little nod. “Did you argue to stay? I mean, you… you do wanna stay, right?” Brock asked, voice shaking some. 

He stayed silent, before sighing. “No. I don’t,” he answered. And, it hurt to lie more than anything. To tell them no, but it made things easier in some way, it made him feel better. At least they were getting rid of someone who didn’t want to be there. 

He glanced around finally, finding multiple reactions of disbelief, but mostly hurt and some anger. “Why?” Brock asked, voice dry. David knew he wanted to somehow help change his mind, but there was nothing to change in a lie. “It’s personal,” he mumbled. “So?” Marcel spoke up, glaring at him through teary eyes, “We’re your friends, we won’t judge you, David.”

He supposed there was a fairness to that, after all he knew they’d never make fun of something serious happening with someone within the group. And, if they did someone would probably confront them or punch them. So, for him to tell them it was personal and for them to accept that and not push it was almost laughable. He went to tell them he wasn’t comfortable saying, something to deepen the excise, but Tyler was already talking before he could. “What does it matter? He doesn’t wanna fucking tell us. Why should we fucking care? He probably didn’t want us to know he was moving in the first place,” he stated, looking at him with a bitter look. And, all David could do was nod. Why deny it? It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about not telling them. 

That must’ve been the trigger to launch an already loaded bullet because the group reacted, hit him where it hurt, and then they left. Brock and Anthony a little hesitant to leave, still wanting to hear out the situation, but they were both hurt too. 

He left the school by himself. 

The next day he was able to get a few memories of his friends that stained his mind with guilt. He remembered Brock crying when he passed him in the hall, and the look he got from Brian as he comforted him. He remembered Evan not even bothering to look at him as Jonathan glared at him with tears in his eyes, though there wasn’t anger, only an aching sadness. Scotty and Marcel his stuff and vandalized his locker, Luke glared when he saw him too, but Ryan wrote him a little farewell note, Anthony tried to give him some form of a goodbye but it never quite got there, and Tyler yelled at him as soon as he spotted him leaving the school. 

He could remember the words; ‘You have one more chance, David! Turn the fuck around or we’ll never forgive you!’ ‘I swear to fuck, we’re gonna fucking kick your ass next time we see you if you get in that care!’ ‘I fucking hate you!’

He was always so great with words when he was upset. He could hear his voice cracking and some others trying to calm him down. He got to the car, and finally looked back to his friends. Tyler was being comforted by Brock, who looked to be crying with him. Evan was still refusing to look, Jon was hugging him along with Brian. Luke and Ryan were helping with that as well. Anthony watched him, and David swore he was getting hopefile, but he snapped from his thoughts as his mom told him it was time to go. He climbed into the car and they drove off.

All he did was move a few hours away, he was in the same state. 

In hindsight, David was a bit dramatic about it all. He had no reason to lie, but he did, and he mostly blamed it on his stupid Freshman brain. Being young, dumb, and unprepared to leave his friends. 

  But, it was two years ago. It shouldn’t bother him, he should be over it. He was happy where he was, new friends, a girlfriend, a steady life and a nice part-time job. He even was living a healthy life, he had grown since Freshman year, he was taller, he was cleaner, more stylish. Life was good.

  The idea of visiting his old town shouldn’t be bothering him so much. But, it was. 

  His girlfriend just wanted to go to a part in the town, it was supposed to be so much fun, and this and that. But, he just couldn’t see any good in the idea.

  “C’mon Davey,” she begged, giving him puppy eyes, “It’ll be so much fun, please!” she tugged on his arm gently, and he looked down at her, frowning softly. “I’m not sure, Ley… I don’t do well at parties, ye know that,” he sighed. She frowned and glanced off. “I know… But, I’ll be there with you- and Lui’s going so you’ll have him there! Plus, I promise to keep you company all night long!” She smiled brightly and David felt his heart melt a bit. “Alright, alright, but yer drivin’ out there,” he agreed before leaning down and giving her a little kiss on the head as she cheered softly. “You won’t regret it,” she promised. “Mhm, sure,” he teased.

  He really did hope he wouldn’t regret it, though.

  Hoped was the key word in all of this. But, from the moment they showed up to the party, the night went south. First things first, Ley had vanished nearly immediately. There goes that promise. And, he was fine with it. Maybe she was getting drinks, chatting with friends, something or another she got distracted with. It was in her nature after all and its one of the reasons David loved her. But, secondly, he spotted familiar faces. Nothing major at first, but then he noticed a familiar brunette chatting with a familiar canadian and his hear sank. Evan and Brock being here was a surprise, if only because the two weren’t the partying type. But, he supposed they wouldn’t recognize him, he was different from when he was younger. So, he hoped with that and the size of the party they wouldn’t be interacting much.

  Then David began the hunt for Ley, mostly just to make sure she was okay. Though, looking around the house for a bit got boring and he opted to texting Ley instead, as he walked to the kitchen to grab a drink. She responded that she was fine and would find him in a bit.

  Well, she didn’t have to because he found her after all. Sitting on the counter with some dude between her legs kissing up her neck. “Ley?” he asked, loud enough to be heard over the music, and watched as her eyes opened in surprise and she pushed the guy back so she could hop off the counter quickly. “David!” she exclaimed, “Oh no- Davey, it’s not what-” He held his hand up to stop her and she looked down. “Ye just needed me t’ come out here as an excuse, didn’t ye?” he asked. He wasn’t stupid, he knew her parents liked him, trusted him. He knew she used that to her advantage sometimes. 

  He watched her reluctantly nod and then grab the guys hand. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “No… No. It’s fine, I get it. We all have our reasons to do stupid things,” he looekd at her. It hurt, it did. He was definitely a little pissed, but he knew how dumb people can get over stupid things. As long as she was happy, David could find it in him to support it. “Go ahead and do what ye want, I won’t tell yer folks,” he smiled sadly and she gave him a giddy look before pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank you sososo much! I owe you, David,” she kissed his cheek before grabbing her boyfriend’s hand again and walking. “Thanks, man,” he heard the guy say as they walked off. 

  After grabbing a drink, he found a spot on the wall outside of the kitchen. He opted to texting Lui instead, Ley did say he was going to be here after all and the two were closer friends than him and Ley could have dreamt of being. They just clicked.

  He learned through a text back Lui had found some friends and went to grab some more drinks for the party, even sending a picture to show he was fine and okay. Which, David was happy for. He told him to have fun, and sipped his drink as they continued to text.

  He snickered softly as Lui sent another picture, him making a silly face with one of his friends and David was going to send one back, but he noticed someone stop in front of him, so he looked in confusion at the person.

  A person he recognized but couldn’t put a name to face. They had peach fuzz growing and they were tall. They seemed to recognize him too because they stopped and just stared for a moment before they spoke, slow, drawn out, almost hesitant. “David?” He shrunk a bit, hearing his name wasn’t a good sign. And, as he met blue eyes he regretted it more as his mouth became dry. “Tyler?” he answered, more questioned but it was taken as an answer. The American took his chance nearly immediately and he gripped him by the shirt. “So this is your party,” David breathed, and he grabbed Tyler’s wrist, swallowing thickly. “You’ve really redone the place sense-” “Save it fucker!” he spat, and pushed him towards the wall. 

  He hit his head, and the pain sort of helped him escape for a moment, something else to focus on then Tyler yelling at him. Which, he could see he was doing. He could see him just as angery as the day he left, which was bringing memories back with a vengence, seeking murder. That, mixed the bad mood he was put in after finding his girlfriend cheating on him, strained his emotions into a thin line that was threatening to snap. He could feel his throat tightening, his breathing becoming uneven and the walls were spinning as he grew dizzy. Was it just hot in here? Was everything this loud? When did Tyler become more of himself? He began to shake, he was in a lot of trouble, too much trouble, he fucked up, he shouldn’t have come back, he knew it, he knew it, now, Tyler was going to kill him! 

  He felt his shirt get released and someone new joined the party, grabbing his arm and pulling him along. A softer tone hitting him and another scolding Tyler.

  The minute he was outside, the quiet hit him. How empty and calm it was compared to inside. People were missing out, it was a nice night. “Deep breaths, okay? In and out,” a voice soothed. He couldn’t quite place a voice. When did his eyes shut? When did his face get wet? 

  The more he calmed down, the more reality crashed down. He couldn’t do much to stop sobs from leaving him, or to stop the shaking, but he was calming down.

  The minute he felt he could, he breathed in steadily, and opened his eyes, blinking a few tears away so he could focus on the face in front of him. Which, made his breath catch in his throat as he saw it was Brock.

  He stood there with worry in his eyes, but something else too that Daivd couldn’t bother to place. “Brock,” he choked out, wanting to apologize for so much, but also ask him to just leave. Instead he closed his eyes and leaned his head back, feeling it hit a wall. “Hey, buddy, come on, look at me,” he soothed softly, and David forced his eyes to open back up and peer at him. “Weren’t expecting you back,” he admitted softly, bringing a hand up to wipe his face of tears. He was always so caring, and David missed that so much. “Just punch me and get it outta the way,” he mumbled, gaining a frown. “Oh no, I’m not going to hit you,” he seemed confused, and then glanced over to the side, David joining to spot Tyler standing off, arms crossed and not looking at them. “Tyler isn’t either, despite, well, him trying to a bit ago.”

  David looked at him, before he sighed and nodded. “Okay, well, ye can let me go. If I’m not wanted, I won’t stay. I didn’t even know whose party this was,” he rubbed his face and exhaled heavily. “Dumbass,” Tyler grumbled, earning a glare from Back, before his eyes were back on David. “You can stay as long as you want. The guys would be thrilled to see you again!” he beamed. 

  That had to be a lie. On the way he left things? 

  “David,” Brock tapped him gently. “We’ve all missed you more than you would probably know,” he promised. David swallowed, and then the door opened. “Yo, Brock! You out here!” He knew that voice. It was Marcel. 

  Speaking of guys. 

  Brock gave David a reassuring look before responding. “Yeah! And, can you come here?” he called. 

  Without hesitation, Marcel stepped out and looked around before Spotting Brock, nearly immediately noticing David, and nearly immediately going from happy to down right surprised. “No fucking way,” he breathed, and walked over. “David?” he mumbled, reaching out, before laughing. “Man! I never thought I’d see you again,” he added, grabbing his shoulder after Brock moved away, pulling him into a friendly hug and David wanted to cry again. He returned the hug, holding him tight. 

  “Oh man,” Marcel chuckled, pulling back some as David loosened his hold, grinning up at him. “What’re you doing in town?” he asked. Tyler looked betrayed as Marcel talked to David, but who could blame him. 

  David felt almost natural with reply, though he knew he shouldn’t have been. His voice still shook, he still felt near tears, but he smiled a small bit. “Was here with my girlfriend for the party,” he answered, gaining curious eyes and he knew what was coming so he added, “Found her cheating on me and was gonna leave. Tyler caught me before I could.” Marcel’s face dropped, and that caught Brock and Tyler’s attention to. “You were cheated on?” Tyler asked, a skeptical tone in his voice and he glared. “Jesus fuck, I was just going to kick your ass a bit, but that sounds worse,” he rubbed the back of his neck before sighing. “Sorry, dude. Cheating sucks, I should know. I was cheated on last year,” he rolled his eyes. 

  It felt weird, talking to them again. It felt weird having them suddenly on his side, talking to him. Tyler had such a change in tone and so quickly. It was unreal. Brock had texted the others. Evan, Ryan, all of them had come outside and were catching up with him, threatening to hunt the girl down for confrontation as they were caught up to speed but mostly denied. 

  He wasn’t uncomfortable, but confused, lost to the situation and just as to why they were being so nice. Hell, Brian was clinging to his side, arm around his waist as he laughed and told a story.

  “I thought ye’d all be mad,” he mumbled, suddenly and it caught their attention. “Mad? David, we’re ecstatic to see ye!” Brian stated, smiling at him. “But I left ye all, and not even n a good way… I figured ye’d still be mad,” he pointed out. Evan moved forward, punched him on the shoulder gently and shrugged. “We missed our dumbass,” he teased. “And… we’ve all sorta regretted leaving things how we did. Except Ryan, of course.” 

  Ryan chuckled. “Being mean gets you nowhere,” he stated with a shrug to follow. 

  David felt tears form again and he started laughing, a few slipping. “Fuck me, I’ve missed ye all too!” he brought a hand up to wipe his eyes but more tears formed. The group all exchanged words of support and such until they heard a surprised voice by the door. “David?” 

  David looked over, a fond smile spreading across his face as he watched Lui run over, quickly ranking him down and looking at his teary face. “Who made you cry?” he demanded, pout forming on his lips. “Do I gotta beat someone up?” David laughed, shaking his head. “No, no. Calm down you fiery midget,” he teased, gaining a small laugh in response. “Who’s your friend, David?” Brock asked, looking to Lui with a smile. Lui worked on wiping away David’s tears and David answered sweetly. “This is, Lui. My favorite dumbass,” he chuckled as the felt Lui pinch his cheek and then let go so David could stand up straight. “I’m not a dumbass, if anything I’m smarter than this fucker?” he pointed out. 

  Laughter rang and Lui clicked.

  They all did.

  The night began to die down and Lui was caught up to speed about most of the situation, even the story on what happened between David and the group.

  Lui gave Ley an earful as soon as he spotted her leaving the party. 

  David exchanged numbers with his group and Lui offered him a ride home, which he accepted of course.

  They took off, and the ride was mostly quiet until Lui began to speak. “Hey… David? Can I ask you a question?” he looked at him before back to the road, gripping the wheel lightly and sucking on his lip. “Yeah, ‘course Lui,” he answered, looking at him with a tired smile. 

  “I uhm… Look, once you feel better about the way you and Ley left things, I’m wondering… I mean, I was hoping you’d wanna go out with,” he swallowed, “Me?” 

  David stared at him, watching Lui shrink under his gaze and then he chuckled, loose and full of a fond feeling. “I’d love too,” he answered. “Y’know, I knew things with Ley weren’t workin’,” he mumbled, leaning over to lean onto Lui some. “She became distant, started leaving me to talk on the phone, would tell her parents she was out with me when she wasn’t,” he sighed softly, “But… Y’know, I think she’s gonna be happier now that I know. She’s a nice girl.” He shook his head and then moved a bit so he could kiss Lui’s cheek. “How about next weekend?” he offered, “We can go out then, and ye can show me if yer really worthy of me.” It was a tease, and he was happy to get a laugh from Lui. 

  “Next weekend then.”

  “I’ll be waitin’.”

 ————————

HAppy BDAY JEA, ILY So much and I hope its a good one!!

[meshkol]

Twitter Threads (or That One Time Tony Dialled It Up to Eleven)

Summary: Social media is hard and full of trolls, and Tony has poor impulse control.

Notes: I hate this so much. Less cracky than I wanted it, because I suck at writing humour. Fill K-3 for the Tony Stark Bingo 2019: Gossip Press. Unbeta'd as per usual. Any relation to existing twitter handles is entirely coincidental.

Warnings: Social Media, Twitter, Homophobic Language, Sexist Language, Ableist Language, Internet, Trolls, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Goes On A Rampage

No one can say that Tony’s ever had good impulse control, especially about people he loves.

@1234ideclareathumbwar posted: I donno what it is about dr strange but he must suck dick like a pro if hes got iron man whipped god knows theres nothing attractive about him except those dick suckin lips #drstrange #ironman #wtfisstarkthinking

 @100percentDONE-xxx replied: yeah its not like he can give a decent handjob ffs must me the lips or maybe hes just tight every1 knows stark loves a tight whole hes prolly cheating neway poor cripple

 @itsawrapandimreadytoparty replied: Probably just lays there and thinks about the wizard gods just to get that $$$...I’d think of England even for a nymphomaniac drug-addicted sugar daddy too, tbh.

 @BlessYouThor-ness replied: still can’t believe he chose strange over THOR like everyone can see the chemistry between them and tony is such a bottom he’d take thor’s cock so well fuck yes

 @they-did-the-thing777 replied: is it just me or does strange look like an alien maybe there’s no magic at all just aliens and he’s got a tentacle dick and stark just wants to mark off another box on his worlds-biggest-slut checklist #tonystarkispathetic

 @snowflakes_makeme_lol replied: hes just fkn ugly i s2g stark id spread 4 but strange??? that bitch be ugly asf n not worth gettin my dk wet prolly get aids

 @YouKnowWhoIAm replied: You guys are the pinnacle of our evolution and I am in awe of your genuine kindness and polite generosity (and grammar). Wow, I can’t believe Stephen Strange saved all of your jerkass lives TWICE for this shit and you know what? Everyone knows I’M the cocksucker in this relationship, dumbfucks.

 @kiki_blow_this_popsicle_stand replied: HOLY SHIT LMAO

“What are you doing?”

He doesn’t bother looking up from his tablet, backing away from that thread because he has no interest in seeing the replies, and hunting for the next war he can wage. “Destressing,” he replies gleefully, clicking on a thread that mentions Pepper. He can feel Rhodey behind him – and, what’s more, he can feel the disapproval seeping out of his pores too now that he’s peeking over Tony’s shoulder – but he’s on a roll, and fuck impulse control when he can sass and bitch on twitter. Some people just need to be removed from the genetic pool of the human race and not be allowed to procreate, honestly.

Somewhere in bumbfuck-nowhere, Fury is having a coronary and Stephen is rolling his eyes so hard they’re permanently lodged in his cranium.

@rudethatyoureallamatwink posted: Does anyone else think that Pepper Potts only got the job at Stark because she’s got awesome legs and a great twat and Tony Stark wanted to stick his dick in? #idfuckher #pepperpotts #starkindustries #idfuckhimtootbh #tonystark

 @MyNameIsGoFuckYourself replied: lol ur gross shes like 35 or smth but wvr u want crusty ol lose pussy u do u bro #oldchickgross #getbotox

 @shredderinmymetal3-14 replied: @MyNameIsGoFuckYourself lmao wtf?? He started fucking her when she was like twenty or something so she was still nice and tight back then. I mean I’d still fuck her right now cause she’s one hot cougar and I bet she’s learned a thing or two from the Slut Extraordinaire. And anyway, how tf do you know what her cunt’s like?? The only hole you’ve fucked is your mom.

 @queeen-bee-says-hi replied: Wow, you guys are pigs. Pepper Potts is a strong, independent, beautiful woman who is worth a thousand of all you, and your mothers would be ashamed of you all.

 @gags_are_the_best_fight_me_bitch replied: @queeen-bee-says-hi hey look theres the feminazi if you want i can replace that stick up your pussy with my dick you know you need it ill fuck you real good show you what a real mans like

 @truthisanillusion replied: I’ll fuck @queeen-bee-says-hi AND @OfficialPotts_CEO at the same time fucking feminazi cunts, god knows you bitches would be grateful for my prick in your gaping lesbian pussies

 @YouKnowWhoIAm replied: Wow. So. Uh.

1. That’s revolting and my AI just delivered the IPs of @gags_are_the_best_fight_me and @truthisanillusion to the authorities for premeditated violence, rape, and hate crimes. You’re welcome, and feel free to send a cash donation to the charity of your choice for my thoughtfulness. I’d recommend something for women’s or LGBTQ+ rights, and I’ll match it with a multiplier of 1000x.

2. @queeen-bee-says-hi, good for you, and I can see from your profile that you’re a student. Consider your crops watered and your schooling paid for, all the way to your twelfth PhD if you want it.

3. @OfficialPotts_CEO can and will murder you with her pinky nail. I’ve taken on Thanos and I’d rather go ten rounds with him than piss her off. THAT’S why she’s CEO, not because of her admittedly awesome legs.

4. I hate this hellsite. If I buy it, can I kill it?? Rhodey says “technically” so I’m gonna look into that now.

 @i_stan_one_legend_named_virginia_p_potts replied: IRON MANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! DEFEND THE QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!! #PEPPERPOTTS4PRESIDENT

 @iaminlovewithcapandimunashamed replied: lmfao incels be fkd when #ironman comes to town

 @truthisanillusion replied: Hey @YouKnowWhoIAm No one trusts you or likes you, you fake ass super “hero” taking it up the ass like a faggot stfu and die already, kthxbye

 @queeen-bee-says-hi replied: whAT OH MY GOD THAT IS NOT NECESSARY

 @OfficialPotts_CEO replied: Tony, stop picking fights and threatening to buy twitter or I’ll ground you. And just accept the gift, @queeen-bee-says-hi - after all, he’s already done it.

 @YouKnowWhoIAm replied: Shut up Pepper, you aren’t the boss of me.

 @YouKnowWhoIAm replied: And jokes on you @truthisanillusion because I’m already dead inside come at me bitch I’ll be the one in the multi-billion-dollar suit of armor surrounded by Avengers

 @OfficialPotts_CEO replied: Actually, I am. Don’t make me take away your toys. Or call @Sorcerer_Supreme_With_A_Scalpel. He’s on speed-dial, sweetheart, and he likes me better than you.

 @YouKnowWhoIAm replied: Rude.

 @Sorcerer_Surpreme_With_A_Scalpel replied: The last time you threatened someone, your house got blown up. Please refrain from egging on internet trolls or I’ll dump you for Rhodes for my own sanity.

 @YouKnowWhoIAm replied: ALSO RUDE.

“You know, I’m not even remotely bi-curious and I would totally tap that,” Rhodey says absently, though his lips are quirking into a smirk.

Tony rolls his eyes. “Hands off, you little shit, or I’ll tweet about that one time in MIT when you ate that—”

“Fuck you.”

“Been there, done that,” Tony quips cheerfully. “Not remotely bi-curious my ass—”

“You know what’s better than picking fights with twelve-year-olds on twitter? Kicking your ass right here. You come at me, Stank.”

Tony opens his mouth to reply but then gasps, already losing himself in another thread after sending a middle finger emoji into the last one.

@mwahahaha-666 posted: You guys can wax poetry about Tony Stark all you want, but screw that basic-ass rich boy - everyone knows Doctor Strange is the smokin’ hot one. #takemenow #mybodyisready #drstrange

 @ukulele_jedi_master replied: PREACH!!! stark may be loaded but stephen is the one that looks like a prada model giMME THAT MAGICAL DICK

 @xxx-foreverfit-xxx replied: Fuck both of you. I just wanna be a fly on the wall when they’re fucking each other...or better yet, DIRECT them on how to ruin each other #ironstrange #otp

 @highpercentageofuselessnessachieved replied: i wonder if he can clone himself like can u imagine?? being fucked from all ends by #drstrange cock?? what i wouldn’t give to be tony stark omfg i don’t even want the money just the hard dickin from that fine piece of ass

 @its_a_fact_that_captain_america_has_a_big_dick replied: He’s got Iron Man wrapped around his little finger so he must have the biggest dick and the know-how to use it properly. Yes pls and thank you very much, I’ll take that monster dick pronto.

 @TGBYHN_4_LYFE replied: dude i tell u what i would do what @xxx-foreverfit-xxx said: sit in the corner w a ridign crop in 9’’ stilettos rubbin myself while directing them 2 do what i want...make em touch n stroke n suck n bite n fuck each other til they cant walk anymore n then cuddle w them n stroke their hair

 @catcatcatcat-cat replied: I would give my college education, my life, my cow, and my internet access away for the rest of my life for a sex tape

 @xxx-foreverfit-xxx replied: @TGBYHN_4_LYFE omfg fuCK YES CAN YOU IMAGINE listening to them moan as they lost themselves in each oter, so fucking desperate to get off that they’re begging you to let them cum even as they try their hardest to obey, covered in precum and sweat and hot as fuck

 @bigfoot_is_nessie1987 replied: I s2g the amount of fanfiction I write about those two alone should have me committed but I literally can’t stop the two of them are so fucking hot together that it should be illegal god bless Iron Man and Dr Strange and their sexy, sexy chemistry and sexy, sexy bodies #killme

 @one-upon-a-time-in-asgard2 replied: They are the hottest couple in the history of the universe and so fucking pure I love them both so much also @bigfoot_is_nessie1987 I demand a link to your fics cuz I’m always looking for more ironstrange porn #otp #ironstrange

 @YouKnowWhoIAm replied: @Sorcerer_Supreme_With_A_Scalpel Hey, they think you have a big dick. Little do they know that they’re totally right and that you also have the added bonus of actually BEING a big dick too! #dontthreatentoleavemeforplatypus #orilltagyouinthirstposts #awesomethirstposts #stephenhasabigdick #andiloveit #goodshit

 @mwahahaha-666 replied: OH MY DUCKING GOD

 @its_a_fact_that_captain_america_has_a_big_dick replied: Well, I’d be mortified that Tony Stark is replying to this except Tony Stark is acTUALLY REPLYING TO THIS BLESS YOU IRON MAN

 @Sorcerer_Supreme_With_A_Scalpel replied: One of these days I’m going to murder you with your own bravado and not lose a night’s sleep over it. And fine, I won’t touch Rhodes...I’m sure Rogers is free anyway, and he’s always so polite when I visit.

 @bigfoot_is_nessie1987 replied: Please don’t read my fanfiction I will literally combust in embarrassment also I am dying over here in Copenhagen omfg

 @YouKnowWhoIAm replied: BRO CODE, DUDE. YOU’RE VIOLATING THE BRO CODE. I HATE YOU SO MUCH AND I WANT A DIVORCE.

 @catcatcatcat-cat replied: ...oh my god what does that mean you guys are MARRIED??!?! BLESS THE WIZARD GODS!!!!

 @Sorcerer_Supreme_With_A_Scalpel replied: Rhodes, I know you’re reading over his shoulder, so if you could please take away his phone now before he ends up on the cover of the Times...or breaks the internet. Again. Thank you in advance.

Tony reacts immediately, trying to make a break for it, but Rhodey’s already tackling him into the couch, a hundred and ninety pounds of lean muscle and pretty Class As. Tony hisses breathlessly, the wind knocked out of him, and he struggles valiantly to keep his hands on his tablet while Rhodey does his best to rip it away. He doesn’t have a very good position so he makes a hair-brained, split-second decision to throw his body weight to the side, making them both roll off the couch. Rhodey’s a jerk though, and manages to react fast enough so that Tony takes the brunt of the impact, and he can’t even help but groan in a mixture of mild pain and disappointment as he feels the tablet being removed from his lax fingers.

“Sucks to be you, Stank,” he says breathlessly, fingers flying over the keyboard, and Tony cranes his neck until he can read Rhodey’s reply (and on Tony’s fucking account what in the hell!):

@YouKnowWhoIAm replied: I think I broke your hot mess of a husband, Stephen. Come collect him before he murders me with his eyes or gets his hands on another electronic device. We’re in the lab.

Three seconds later, Stephen walks through a portal, looking oh-so-fucking-gorgeous in his battle robes, and wearing a scowl of irritation that bodes well for rough, mock-angry sex in the near future.

Tony grins unapologetically, and abandons the lure of social media in exchange for his pseudo husband.

It’s an easy choice.

Also read on ao3.

Feel free to prompt me things on my Bingo Card!

[virryth]

Prince!AU Johnny

Johnny came home ;; #WelcomeHomeJohnny

1835 words | Fluff

Where the prince sneaks out to be come a street musician, not knowing an assassin was on his tail

2nd prince of the dynasty, knows it’s not his responsibility to be king so tend to eff around a lot (but like not actually effing anyone)

the only one in the family with the same mother as the crown prince, but vibes so much better with his younger bros: Mark, Doyoung, and Jaehyun

he’s responsible enough to lead an army and has been entrusted with the title of General the last time the country went to war, but due to war PTSD he decided it wasn’t a life for him–prince Youngho is a pacifist

Prince Yuta however loves the art of war so he took over. When Yuta left for battle Youngho gave him a handkerchief and cried while wishing him good luck

Youngho: come back to me my prince

Yuta and Mak: bro ur embarrassing

likes the art of tea, often has tea party and invites all the local maids and courtesans to have tea with him.

To others it looks like a harem but prince Youngho knows how hard they work and how rare it is for them to just sit and have some time for themselves, so forget what everyone thinks as long as he’s doing his job as a good master to them

a true romantic, loves poetry and a genius at gayageum (12-strings instrument, similar: the Chinese guzheng, the Japanese koto, the Mongolian yatga, and the Vietnamese đàn tranh)

all the girls love lining up outside his open chamber to listen to him play at sunset

even the male servants and soldiers sometimes come to see him play because he’s just that good, the emotion he delivers varies from soft melodic lullaby to vibrantly dynamic compositions

Prince Doyoung: maybe you’re better than me at one thing

he doesn’t play outside the castle!! because he’s afraid he’s gonna get caught, followed, or hunted by assassins since the country has a lot of enemies

But prince Youngho loves sneaking out with prince Jaehyun whenever their distant cousin from neighboring kingdom Ten comes to visit.

The first time was for fun. He plays the gayageum in a disguise named Johnny, out in a small public space, and he got so immersed that by the time he was done there was already a crowd gathering

and he loves the feeling of anonymity so much he keeps sneaking out even when his cousin wasn’t visiting

you were hired by the mother of one of the younger princes to assassinate Prince Youngho. You’re a pay-by-the-job kinda assassin and you just take the information from an anonymous bidder and carry out your job so you really don’t know who your real employer is, and they don’t know your face or anything either.

You were given the assignment to kill Prince Youngho, a pity really, you heard he was a good-natured man with no vie for the throne, but a job is a job and you figured once you get into the castle you’ll probably hear some bad things about him anyway, and maybe what he looks like you honestly have no idea since you were never given an assignment to kill royalty of THIS country before

this is the first time you’ve been in this kingdom tbh, but you made a friend already! the guy called Johnny that plays the gayageum first spoke to you after you spaced out listening to him play, and you offered to pay him bc street musicians have it hard ya know just playing day by day for a meal

and he graciously took the money but used it to buy you both food, which you were surprised by

Johnny was your first friend and throughout your time with him you really didn’t want to lie about why you were in town, but no one wants to be friend with an assassin

until one day on one of your scouting of the castle, you bumped into Johnny!

and you definitely notice how he was dressed in the finest silk robe of all the lands, even if he looks like he’s wearing chamber garment and taking a night stroll before bed

“Hey what a pleasant surprise! although not really, what are you doing here?” he inquired after pulling you over to a blind spot from the guards

you didn’t want to lie to Johnny again, but you didn’t know how to react after finding out that he was, in fact, probably someone of royalty seeing as he’s in the castle wearing very expensive robe in the middle of the night

but you couldn’t, he was definitely Johnny as he recognizes you, he was your friend, and royalty or not, you couldn’t do that

“Johnny listen, you need to get as far away from here as possible 3 nights from now. I’m… I’m telling you this since I trust you with my life.”

Johnny: okay thanks but what why?

but you don’t get to explain further because a guard was approaching and you escaped when Johnny turned around to distract them

the next 3 days you don’t see Johnny. he missed his weekly playing at the public square and you really don’t know why, he’s never done this for the past 2 months you’ve known him

on D-day aka the day you’re supposed to kill prince Youngho

you still don’t know how the heck the man looks like because the one infiltration to find out his face was interrupted by your friend Johnny, who may or may not possibly be a prince and brother of your target. The thought that you’ll have to kill one of his brothers kinda hurt you, but if he’d listened to your warning, he should be far away from the castle tonight

from the intel you gather, Prince Youngho is usually alone in his chamber on one specific day of the week (today), and you know where his chamber is so you made your way towards there, patiently waiting for the wee hour so you can take him out

what you don’t expect is Johnny’s friend Jeffrey to show up

he was accompanied by another person in robe, someone he called Doyoung, also strikingly handsome like the rest of the people in this castle apparently. Goddamn you really hit the jackpot with meeting all the princes did ya

Doyoung: this is ginseng tea, remember to make him drink it all, Youngho said he’s been getting these weird heartburns lately that won’t go away

Jeffrey: don’t worry I’ll force it down his throat if he doesn’t hehe

Doyoung: Jaehyun.

Jeffrey/Jaehyun: i’m kidding

oh no… oh man.. you really liked Jeffrey you rEALLY do he gets all your memes! but if he is indeed prince Jaehyun, then intel has it he was very close with prince Youngho :( oh no he’s going to be so devastated..

you’re getting sad on the job which is very unlike you.. But you know this is what happens when you try to get close to people as assassin. it hurts.

but what hurts the most is the voice that calls out to Jeffrey and prince Doyoung

prince Youngho emerged from his chamber.

You feel like the world fell upon you, heavier than when you were eight and thrown out of the house by your foster family because you didn’t “belong,” heavier than the boulder your master dropped on your shoulder when you were twelve and called it “mental training,” heavier and more painful than when Johnny smiled and you know it was a smile reserved solely for you

the shock hit you harder than it should, and as you tried to cope with the reality that you would have to kill Johnny, you lost your bearing on the roof and fell

Doyoung, stepping in front of Jaehyun: did you hear that?

Jaehyun: yes, but hyung why do you have a sword strapped to your waist we’re in nightgowns?

Youngho: call the guard, we may have intruders

Jaehyun: hey… isn’t that… someone we know? Hyung look

You got up as fast as you fell and tried to flee, but Youngho was faster, and soon he was close enough to grab your arm before you got the chance to escape

Doyoung, sword drawn across your throat: who are you?

Jaehyun: hyung relax, it’s our friend

you don’t know what to make of that but for now you gotta go, can’t risk another prince see your face good god you’re a terrible assassin

So as Youngho released your arms, you bolted into the shadows and parkour your way out of the castle

the next day you see Johnny at the same public space where he performs, except it’s not one of his performing day and he’s just there in disguise

and Jeffrey nowhere in sight but next to him is prince Doyoung, the scarier prince you’ve come to meet yesterday

Johnny: hey! glad you’re here, this is um.. you know who he is but call him Charlie

Doyoung eyes you suspiciously before turning back to Johnny: can’t believe we’re talking to an assassin that was sent to kill you.

Doyoung was right. You don’t know what to say because there’s nothing to say. Your relationship or friendship whatever it was has ended and you were sure this is the supposed goodbye before you take off. It was nice, albeit awkward, but less awkward thanks to a third person being there, but you weren’t used to goodbye. The life of an assassin didn’t permit you any goodbyes.

Johnny: Charlie im only taking you with me because you were worried for my safety. Now that we’ve established that, please go entertain yourself at the market. Jeffrey and Jason are waiting for you (Jason = Jeno)

Johnny, after Doyoung skedaddled: work for me.

you: what

Johnny: look, i know you were hired to assassinate me, but i don’t care. work for me or just stay here, don’t leave or.. or i will search the world to find you

You, an awk at emotions: ….dude can you even leave the castle as the prince? like?

Johnny: okay sHUT UP we do have strict rules regarding that but my pOINT IS. I like you, stay with me.

His words were sincere, there’s not a hint of sarcasm in his voice, and no one has ever said something like this to you–especially not after you tried to kill them. You didn’t think you deserve Johnny or the idea of having a life where you can settle down.. but as you look at him, look at the sincerity and purity in his eyes, you know he meant it.

you nodded right before he pulled you to an embrace and attempted to swing you around

Jeno: ah look there’s Young—Johnny hyung!

Doyoung: don’t run Jason hold my hand

Youngho, under his breath: damn that Doyoung always showing up at the most crucial moment

you laughed as he lets you go, but not before promising him that you’ll stay, as a regular village girl or as his new employee, you’ll stay in the kingdom for him

[verritytorres]

calron fake dating au - unfinished outline

THROUGHOUT ONE MONTH (OCTOBER 2017)

·      still not fully clear on why they fake date but we getting there

o   call announces it for shits n giggles at a party on Thursday night (drunk? to celia the gossip queen?) then morning after everyone’s like “oh congrats on finally dating aaron btw!” “what”

o   aaron’s pissed at first cause that’s actually a shitty thing to do also he’s been pining for going on two years now do u have any idea what this does to his Heart

o   that is, until something happens that convinces him

§  some bully fuckers in the locker room after soccer practice like “who we gonna get today, chad?” “well everyone in here is off limits so--” aaron chimes in “what do you mean… off limits” “look youre a respectable guy so we treat you right, always have. teammates honor and all that. so we get at other people instead” (cue Dark Aaron) “and who are these other people” “that scrawny guy hunt for example” “oh, you mean call hunt my boyfriend?” “your…what?” “you heard me. if you fuck with him, you and I might have a problem. and nobody wants that.”

§  later, aaron texts call “I’m in.”

§  “sweet. what changed ur mind?” “That’s not important.”

·      the only person that knows is tamara bc helou its tamara they don’t keep secrets from each other

o   STUDY SESSION AT THE GABLES FRIDAY AFTERNOON (they all in the same regular algebra class cause theyre gay and therefore not great at math):

§  t: yo btw have you guys dealt with the whole “youre dating” rumor? if anyones been giving you a hard time tell me so I can eliminate them off the face of the earth

§  c: actually, aaron and I are just gonna roll with it

§  t: wait. youre actually gonna date?

§  c: NO no no no we’re gonna fake date. scam the fuck outta the school also it’s a bit too awkward to go back on it now for me so

§  t: (turns and gives aaron a Look cause she knows this fuckers been pining forever) are YOU on board with this?

§  a: (busies himself with his hw to hide his blush) yeahsurewhynot

§  t: (looks up and shakes her head) this is gonna end badly, calling it now

o   t: math is acephobic. im asexual and its inconveniencing me

·      Saturday! aaron goes over to the hunt household to hang out like he usually does

o   alastair loves him

o   alastair: so when did this happen?

o   call, who is sitting knee-to-knee w aaron on the couch like he always does: when did what happen

o   alastair: (gives him a Look) the watsons came in this morning. Brenda told me the news, im just surprised you didn’t tell me

o   call:…..what news…….

o   alastair: you two are dating, right? which im totally fine with btw, i had a boyfriend back then too, and im really happy for you, youre both mature enough that I don’t have to give the whole speech—

o   call and aaron are looking at each other in Horror

o   call: OKAY THANKS DAD WE’RE GONNA WALK HAVOC NOW BYE (nyooms outta the house with aaron and havoc in tow)

o   out in the park

§  c: so I guess we gotta find out how to sell this whole (gestures between himself and aaron) thing

§  a: (snorts) thing?

§  c: yeah thing. if my hermit dad knows, then we can assume just about everyone in town knows too. which is not the idealest

§  a: why’s that?

§  c: cause then we gotta act all coupley to everyone or else they’ll be like “wait a minute…are they really dating??”

§  a: well, not with everyone. tamara knows

§  c: yeah, that’s one person in a whole townful of people

§  a: we spend the majority of our time with tamara though

§  c:….point. we still gotta sell it to everyone else

§  a: it cant be that hard, just hold hands a little here, drop some compliments there

§  in reality aaron doesn’t wanna do Big Couple Things or else he might literally spontaneously combust. its possible, hes read abt it

§  c: oh come on, no one gonna buy that. we gotta pull out all the stops

§  a: (cursing silently) like?

§  c: hugs. general lack of personal space. kiss on the cheek, maybe. pet names.

§  a: (calming his crazy heart) oh. I see.

§  c: as long as youre alright with it, of course! I don’t wanna do some creeper shit and like accidentally assault you

§  a: nonono I get it im alright with it. (pause) we should uh..have some signal, though

§  c: signal?

§  a: in case one of us goes too far or something. nothing too obvious, but just obvious for us to notice

§  c: hm. ok, how bout asshole?

§  a: (bursts out laughing) asshole????

§  c: (grinning) yeah, asshole. I never call you an asshole, you never call me an asshole. so if you say “youre a bit clingy there, asshole” I know I should back off

§  a: that- that hardly sounds affectionate

§  c: well duh you gotta say it in an affectionate way. like this (sticky sweet voice, batting eyelashes) “asshole”

§  a: (still laughing) okay. asshole it is.

§  theyre both quiet ntil aaron speaks up. “I do have one request”

§  “which is?”

§  “this is gonna sound weird, please don’t ask but…don’t kiss me. not unless I tell you to.”

§  call looks at him like ??? then says “sure, man. nix on smooches. you wish you had a taste of these bad boys, though.”

§  aaron turns away bc hes a blushy boi. “youre making it weird.”

·      Monday rolls in

o   call is in Zombie Mode making himself coffee on his antique expensive coffee machine (the best Christmas gift ever thanks alastair)

o   alastair, making pancakes: shouldn’t you bring an extra to school today?

o   sleepy call, pouring himself a solid triple shot of espresso: whaddya mean

o   alastair: if youre gonna be dating aaron, you gotta treat him right. bring out the big guns, you know

o   call, suddenly wide awake: what????

o   alastair: I will not have that boy deprived of real boyfriend privileges

o   so call leaves his house with two coffee cups

o   he walks over to where he knows aaron is at the time (music room, playing piano)

o   before he heads in he looks inside and just. stares at aaron playing the piano. gay descriptions galore

o   aaron hits a wrong key and swears

o   c: well that’s a big word

o   a: (practically jumps out of his seat, swearing again)

o   c: and that’s an even bigger one

o   a: oh, its you. good morning, call

o   c: morning, snookums

o   a: (smiling tentatively) snookums? is that really the best you can do

o   c: that’s just scratching the surface, and also its Monday morning so im not at my peak. anyway i brought you coffee

o   a: thanks. already “pulling out all the stops” I see

o   c: I plan to be an especially doting boyfriend (glances at the door, sees a few people staring at them) I..gotta get to my locker (kisses his cheek, aaron goes rigid, call whispers at his ear) we got an audience. see you at lunch

o   aaron sits there for a while after call leaves staring at the ceiling and asking himself why

·      lunch in the magisterium high caf

o   jasper: I JUST—I STILL DON’T GET IT

o   aaron, biting calmly at his sandwich: what don’t you get

o   jasper: there are at LEAST a dozen guys in this school ready and willing to go out with you and you go with CALL

o   call, resting his head on Aarons shoulder, much to Aarons chagrin: its ok dude you can just say youre jealous

o   jasper: YEAH A LITTLE. Aarons like…the best catch out here. the golden boyfriend. the guy that would tell your parents “yes sir ill have him back by nine thirty sharp :)”

o   aaron: I wouldn’t say that to alastair

o   call: yeah you would (turning back to jasper) who are these dozen guys? I gotta know whos planning to fight me so I can know their weaknesses beforehand

o   jasper: kai hale, for one

o   aaron: hmm. he is kinda cute

o   call: HEY

o   jasper: definitely cuter than hunt

o   aaron: is there something particularly wrong with call?

o   jasper: OPEN YOUR EYES HES A TRASH MAN

o   call: takes one to know one

o   aaron, shrugging and finishing his sandwich: maybe I like trash men

o   call laughing his ass off, jasper groaning: youre killing me, stewart. youre literally causing my cells to stop functioning

·      study hall w aaron and tamara

o   t: (has been frowning at him for the past 10 mins)

o   a: okay you clearly want to talk about something so out with it

o   t: are you sure about this thing with call?

o   a: what, the dating thing?

o   t: the fake dating thing

o   a: right. its fake. yeah im fine

o   t: we both know that’s a lie, aaron. we don’t lie to each other

o   a: (sardonically) yeah well. ive been lying to him since we were freshmen

o   t: having a crush isn’t lying, per se, but that’s besides the point. im worried about you, man. I don’t want call to hurt you accidentally, and then consequently be hurt himself by not knowing how he hurt you, cause then ILL be hurt by best friend collateral drama

o   a: I get it, tamara

o   t: then I reiterate: are you sure about this?

o   big internal monologue

o   a: yeah. im sure.

·      INSERT SLOW BURN

·      CARNIVAL

o   it’s the fall festival since its October theres pumpkins everywhere and haunted houses and candied apples and hay bales and rides and its lit

o   the iron trio+jasper go always

o   theyre walking around, aaron looking at the decorations, tamara call and jasper arguing abt which haunted house to visit first

o   c: the mansion is the obvious choice just sayin

o   j: but theres a haunted hospital ffs

o   c: ive been in enough hospitals to know for a fact that they are all haunted so that doesn’t excite me as much as a MANSION

o   t: how bout…we happy medium at…the graveyard one

o   a: how bout we don’t go to any of those and just go to the roller coasters instead

o   t: aaron, I love you, but youre a weenie sometimes. you can wait outside if you don’t wanna go

o   a: im not leaving you guys alone! (catches calls eye, glances at jasper, call nods a lil, aaron drapes his arm round calls shoulders) who am I to let my boyfriend into that scary place alone?

o   c: (smiling and rolling his eyes) its not that scary, but I appreciate the offer, sugar

o   aaron? oh yes he is dead

o   j: (GAG) youre going to give me diabetes with all these sweets

o   t: (mischievous smile) I dunno, jasper. ever since they started dating they’ve been acting kinda the same as always

o   aaron Tenses, call raises an eyebrow at him then turns to tamara

o   c: what were you expecting, rajavi? showers of pda everywhere?

o   t: oh come on, if any one of us is going to be That Couple its you two.

o   a: LOOK THERES CARAMEL APPLES OVER THERE (nyoom)

o   turns out the haunted whatevers are not open yet, they open at nightfall, so they head to the roller coasters

o   surprise surprise call hates roller coasters

o   “if I die I want you all to know that you are not written into my will therefore I owe you nothing”

o   hes clinging to aaron the whole ride and aaron is like if theres a god up above…….

o   then they reach the hay bales and jaspers like “im gonna head over to the bumper boats w tamara you guys can wait here or do whatever I guess”

o   “we’re just fine going with you guys??”

o   jasper looks at call weirdly and says “um, no youre not. you lovebirds need some alone time. get your 10 things I hate about you on in these haystacks.”

o   they get redder than the ripest tomatoes

o   t: UHHH HES RIGHT BYE GUYS (N Y O O M)

o   they just stand there awkwardly for a while when call says “wanna head over to the carnival games” “please”

o   they walk over to the game area in a kinda uncomf silence until aaron breaks it

o   “what did jasper mean by 10 things I hate about you?”

o   call stares at him “are you serious right now”

o   aaron looks at him meaningfully

o   “oh my god. oh my god. have you never watched 10 things???”

o   “no?”

o   “oh my god. dude. its just like star wars all over again. we’re watching it, no excuses.”

o   aaron smiles at him “okay. whats it about?”

o   “well if I tell you that ruins the whole goddamn surprise, doesn’t it, pumpkin?”

o   he laughs. “it does, doesn’t it.”

o   they get to the carnival game: the hammer game. the biggest prize is a huge stuffed monkey

o   aaron turns to call grinning and calls like “you do know this game’s rigged right. theres no way you can win.”

o   but of course. aaron wins.

o   call is just gaping at him and whispers “you fucking beefcake you.”

o   aaron says “here’s your prize, boyfriend” and fucking winks

o   is call dying? we don’t know this aint his pov

o   c: it looks like you

o   a: thanks

o   call suddenly looks behind aaron with wide eyes and grabs Aarons hand so Aarons brain goes like WHAT…..

o   “heads up,” call whispers, “group of classmates at eight o clock”

o   AY ILL KEEP WRITING LATER GOTTA ACTUALLY START OR ELSE I NEVER WILL

·      call and tamara have always attended every one of aaron’s soccer games, but for some reason this one felt different

o   theyre cheering frm the side with their banners as always (banners say STEWART FOR SOCCER GOD and LUCKY NUMBER 8 and most recently THAT’S MY BOYFRIEND!!! maybe that last one makes this different)

o   its also rainy as heck the banners had to be laminated this time (do not underestimate being friends w a rich kid)

o   they both in they raincoats while Aarons in full soccer gear in the RAIN rifp

o   but the team is falling behind so theyre like FUK OUR CHEERING ISNT WORKING WHAT WE DO

o   at halftime

§  t: lets get the fuck down there we gotta give him a pep talk

§  c: what r we gonna say

§  t: HELL IF I KNOW LETS JUST DO IT

§  so they head down to where aaron is sitting, drinking from his water bottle

§  c: cant you just tilt your head back and stick your tongue out in this weather

§  t: shut up. aaron we are here to peptalk you. (INSERT PEPTALK IDK HOW TO PEP)

§  exit tamara

§  a: (wince) we’re that bad today, are we

§  c: yeah youre kinda sucking

§  a: well that’s not the supportive boyfriend comment I expected

§  c: doting. I said I was going to be doting, not supportive. and definitely not a liar

§  a: whatever. tamara’s pep talk helped, so I guess ill get my head in the game

§  coach rockmaple blows his whistle for the team huddle. aaron salutes call with two fingers before standing up to go and then call blurts “ice cream. on me. if you win the game, that is.”

§  aaron stares at him and then smiles. “you’re on.”

§  TEAM MAKES A HUGE COMEBACK AND WINS THE GAME!!!

§  everyones celebrating and grinning and cheering and call catches aarons eye and theyre smiling, smiling, smiling, and suddenly call finds himself right in front of aaron and aaron is cupping his face and its raining and it sounds like something out of a movie and his face is so close and aaron’s freckles are covered in droplets and so are his lashes and call never really thought about it but if he leaned in, tilted his head just a bit, they would be kissing, and call could pass it off as having an audience—

§  aaron pulls call’s face towards him and kisses his forehead, leaning his head to call’s ear to say “you owe me an ice cream.”

§  and call’s heart all but leaps from his body, he feels lightheaded, and aaron looks fucking beautiful like this, his eyes alight with triumph and joy and something else

§  he doesn’t think till he gets home that wanting to kiss aaron for real wasn’t part of the plan.

·      they first kiss at a party cause everyones like KISS KISS KISS so call (lightly drunk) cups Aarons cheek and leans in. aaron.exe has crashed is not working holy fuck this is the best thing ever and all those gay ass descriptors. everyone cheers in the bg

o   call is dronk, aaron is driving him home, call is being supper chattery and super flirty (think: drunk Laurent)

o   alastair is sleeping so aaron has to make sure call is quiet when going to his room

o   a: (a lil breathless cause hes basically carrying call) be quiet, your dad is sleeping right there

o   c: (winking with both eyes) what do I get in returnnnnn

o   a: oh my god

o   aaron finally gets him to his bed, drapes him on it and tucks him in, hes about to lean away when call grabs his shirt collar to keep him there

o   “aren’t you gonna give your fake boyfriend a proper goodnight?”

o   AARON.EXE HAS CRASHED HE IS DEAD HE IS GONE GOODBYE

o   “youre drunk. i—we can’t—youre not yourself right now. goodnight.”

o   “mm. alright. you owe me a kiss, though.”

o   aaron huffs. he cant breathe right. and just because its 3 am and hes feeling reckless after kissing him tonight and call’s just about asleep and he probably wont remember this in the morning, he whispers, “sure.”

·      THE BREAK

o   Aarons leaning on his kitchen counter, trying to look casual but ultimately failing. call has a sneaking suspicion as to why hes acting this weird but by god he will not say it. its too embarrassing on its own.

o   “so.” aaron says. “you kissed me last night.”

o   fuck. dammit. “did i?”

o   “yeah, in the middle of the party. everyone was watching.”

o   call spots himself a loophole and hell if he doesn’t take it. “sweet. looks like drunk me was up for a show.”

o   “what do you mean?”

o   “well, it was a full party. this whole thing is build on other people believing we’re together

o   “’sides. it’s all just fake anyway.”

o   aaron stops, his hands fists. “right,” he croaks. “its all fake.”

o   “dude…you okay?”

o   “yeah. yeah im fine.”

o   “don’t lie to me aaron, i can see youre upset. spit it out.”

o   aaron takes a deep breath and quickly says “is it really all fake?”

o   call freezes. his mind replays last week’s game, and the subsequent breakdown he had because he likes aaron. and fuck. fuck. he swore he was being quiet about it.

o   “yeah,” he says after a while, forcing the words out. “it was always fake, that’s the idea.”

o   “lately, it hasn’t felt fake.”

o   call’s stomach drops. “if you ever needed to stop you could’ve just said—“

o   Aarons eyes are closed. “last night didn’t feel fake.”

o   because it wasn’t, because im a shitty human who fell for you and since I did this has all been horrible self indulgence, because I like you and you don’t like me.

o   “well it was, so I don’t know why youre making such a big deal out of it.”

o   call hates the things that come out of his mouth.

o   something in aaron seems to catch fire, his eyes fly open and he’s angry, call has barely ever seen him angry at him. “it’s a big deal for me, you kissed me”

o   “I didn’t—I didn’t mean to!”

o   “then if you didn’t mean to, why did you!”

o   calls head is spinning, he doesn’t know what hes doing at this point. “I was drunk, aaron, people fuck up when theyre drunk”

o   “I told you not to kiss me, but you went and did it anyway, do you have any idea how that felt—“

o   “I don’t, aaron, because I don’t feel the things you feel!”

o   aaron freezes completely, his eyes wide

o   “right. I forgot. sorry. right.”

o   theyre quiet, and call knows he fucked up. he doesn’t know exactly how, but he knows.

o   “I…I gotta go. bye.”

o   aaron slams the door behind him, call hears the car door slam and aaron driving away before he manages to whisper “wait”

o   but its too late. hes alone.

o   well, not alone. havoc noses his waist and looks up at him with huge, worried eyes.

o   “come on, boy. lets go for a walk.”

o   he ends up at the park—the same park he first discussed the thing with aaron. he sits down under a tree and rests his head on his knees, havoc cuddling up to him.

o   he kind of drifts off, loses track of time. his mind is kinda blank right now. he knows that’s probably a shitty coping mechanism but what the fuck can you do.

o   he doesn’t want to do anything right now. he doesn’t want to deal with anything or anyone right now.

o   he doesn’t want to feel anything, because feeling is what got him into this mess in the first place.

o   he’s so wrapped up in his personal void that he doesn’t hear the footsteps behind him until he hears jasper say “you look miserable.”

o   call doesn’t look up. “fuck off, jasper.”

o   he does not fuck off. instead call hears leaves crunching  as jasper sits down next to him.

o   “he’s at tamara’s. been there for the past hour.”

o   “didn’t ask.”

o   “but you wanted to know.” calls quiet at this.

[moonxtokki]

I Choose You

The weather was scorching hot as Synx rolled on his bed from corner to corner. He thought maybe, just maybe he will find a position that is cooling and would be able to fall asleep again. However, no matter in what position he is in, it’s still hot. He got up and sat on his bed as he sighed loudly. He unlocked his phone as he saw a notification from Piper a few minutes ago.

From: Piper

To: Synx

GUESS WHO JUST CAUGHT A SHINY GENGAR! ME BITCH I CAUGHT IT!

Right, how can he forget that there’s a shiny event today? Surely he should have remembered with how Piper was bugging him about it ever since last week. Synx likes to say that he’s a big fan of Pokemon GO and he is doing his very best to collect all of the Pokemon to complete his Pokedex. Although in the beginning, he never did see the fun in the app and proceeded to ignore the hype of it. Piper, however, was very…fanatic about it. She would show off to Synx the number of Pokemons she collected and how far she traveled for a certain Pokemon. She prided on how her Pokemon is defending a gym and never had a loss. Therefore, naturally, Synx was curious and gave it a go. The moment he threw his first Pokeball, he knew he was going to be sucked in on this hype and honestly he sort of understood why.

He looked at the phone again to see that it’s already 11:35 am.

“Shit, I’m late.” His eyes were wide as he flung his blanket away and ran to the bathroom. He showers as quick as he could, even almost slipped in the bathroom. He was late to a study session which is supposed to be at 12. Another notification pinged as he hurriedly put on his pants.

From: Piper

To: Synx

So have you met up with Ash yet? You’re not replying so that means you either haven’t woke up or you’re being the late idiot that you are.

Synx rolled his eyes at the text and reminds himself to delete all of Piper’s Pokeball on the app when he has the chance. He grabbed an energy bar from the fridge and bolted out the door. He rounded the corner and managed to catch the bus. The bus was a bit crowded but he managed to find himself a seat and plopped down near the window. The phone pinged again and he knew it would be from Piper. He put his phone away as he tears off the wrapper of the energy bar. He took a bite of it and he could taste chocolate and nuts in the mix. It could be Scre’s but he could buy him another one anyways. Although, he will get an earful from his hyung if he knew he was late to his study session.

This time his phone rang and almost made him dropped his energy bar. He looked at the caller and had a flush creeping up his neck. His heart thumped lightly as he watched his phone ringing. He cleared his throat before he answered the call.

“Hello? Synx? Are you on your way right now?”

“Yeah, I’m on the bus right now. Although, I did woke up kind of late today. I might be a tad late today. Sorry hyung”

“No no, it’s chill. I was just calling to make sure of your whereabouts. Take your time yeah?

“Alright, I’ll…see you later.”

Synx hung up the phone and slumped down his seat.

That was so lame. Oh god did I stuttered? I think I sounded normal.

He rubbed a hand on his face as he continues munching on the energy bar.

“God I’m such a loser.” The wrapper was crumpled and kept inside his bag. He’ll find a trash can soon and throw it away or it would end up being in the bag for another week. He can be forgetful sometimes. The weather is nice currently, it was hot earlier in the morning but it fanned out to be warm and Synx could feel it on his cheeks too.

Remembering that he hasn’t replied Piper, he unlocked his phone to read the recent text that was sent.

From: Piper

To: Synx

Bro? U dead? What about ur study date??? I even sacrificed our shiny event for this. We could have gone hunting D:

From: Synx

To: Piper

Yes, I’m alive you dumbass. I’m on my way to Ash’s house now AND NO IT’S NOT A DATE AND THIS IS UR FUCKIN FAULT

Synx might have regretted telling Piper about his little crush towards Ash, no actually he did regret it. He doesn’t need to be reminded that Ash will never date his ass. This whole situation is Piper’s fault anyway, he will definitely delete all of her Pokeballs. Maybe even transferred those new shiny she has to himself.

***

“Have you ever thought what colours would smell of?” Piper said as she studies the colour of a leaf she picked up.

“What the f- No? Why would I want to know that Piper? Finish your homework! We have like 10 minutes more.” Synx sighed as he erased his answers for his homework for the nth time.

They are currently in the library doing their homework instead of being in the café.  Both of them were up late catching Pokemons in the park last night that they well…forgot about their homework.

“Okay, but have you ever thought what green might smell like? Will it smell sweet? Because nature colours and all or it could be like vo-“

“PIPER SHUT UP!”

“SHUSHHHH” They immediately get a collective of shushing from the people in the library, Synx mouthed a sorry at them and glared at Piper. “What? I’m not the one who shouted.” Piper gave him a teasing look. “Are you done with yours anyways? Why you’re bothering me”

“I’m actually done way before you. I did it last night actually.” Synx stopped mid writing and slowly looked at Piper. “You what?”

“I’m done with homework last night. After we caught that Eeevee, I straight away went home and did it.” Piper grinned almost mockingly. The blood drains from Synx’s face as he realized what just happened. He grabbed Piper by the collar and shook her.

“Y-You said you will do it with me! You promised we will suffer together!” Synx whisper shouted in panic.

He could see the mischievous glint in Piper’s eyes and he knows he is doomed. He can’t do this homework on time and he would get an earful from his teacher or worse maybe detention. He still has 3 more questions to go and 10 minutes left on the clock. Maybe if he-

“Um excuse me?” a voice suddenly interrupted his train of thoughts. Synx turns around and his breath stopped as he takes in the person in front of him. He wonders if his hair looked fine. Does his tie look neat? Does his breath smells okay?

“Oh, hello Ash!” Piper said cheerily to the person.

“Hey Piper and Synx.” Ash smiled but had a certain look on his face.

“What brings you here hyung?” Synx said trying not to look directly into his eyes.

“You guys are being a bit noisy here, the students are complaining. Be a bit quiet yeah guys?” The smile reaching his eyes this time. Synx loves that smile, it’s his favourite kind of smile.  

Ash is the librarian in charge of the day and he honestly maybe want to hide in a hole and never come out. Ash must have thought he was being a nuisance but his kind and angelic hyung does not even look annoyed. That made his heart go pitter-patter. His thoughts were interrupted when Piper spoke. “Alright Ash will do! But I was wondering-“

Piper side-eyed Synx and he felt shivers ran down his spine as Piper gave him a weird smile.

“Yes Piper?”

“Well Synx here has problems doing his homework and we were wondering if you could help. Since it is English and we know you’re good at it!” She grinned unnecessarily wide. Synx at that moment wanted to strangle the life out of Piper.

“Oh? Sure, I’ll have a look at it for you.” Ash sat at a chair in front of Synx and started examining the questions.

In 10 minutes time, they were able to finish the problems and Synx felt a boulder size burden was lifted off his shoulder. He has never felt like he wanted to kiss the hell out of Ash for helping him. Could he do that maybe? Would Ash allow it?

“As expected of English genius Ash, that was fast.” Piper was about to clap but was immediately stopped by Ash and then he puts a finger to his lips shushing Piper. Is it wrong for Synx to think that was attractive? Maybe it was wrong, he should stop thinking about it.

“T-thank you for the help Ash hyung. I really appreciate it. I don’t know what I would do without you today.” Synx smiled widely happy that he gets to see this side of Ash.

“No problem, if you need help with your English you can ask me anytime.”

“Cool! I mean… I would definitely do that.” He did a finger gun lamely at Ash and it earned a stifled laugh from Piper.

“Hey, don’t we have a pop quiz next week? This is a perfect opportunity! Ash can help you with your sorry ass.”

“Well I-“

“I can help you if you want Synx.” Ash gave Synx a reassuring smile.

***

Synx got off the bus as he readjusted his sling bag and loads up the direction that Ash had given him. He looks around and started to walk through the neighbourhood. The neighbourhood seems nice and has a lot of beautiful greenery. He had never been here before and mind you he is an adventurer who goes out every night to poke hunt. Suddenly, he wonders if there is a Pokestop nearby, he whipped out his phone and loaded the app. To his surprised, there is indeed a Pokestop near the area and it is full of shinys.

“There’s a shiny Absol ! Oh god, I need to catch it. I have to, this study session can wait.”

He just needed to walk a bit further and that is what he did. Synx thought about all of the shinys Piper has caught and thought that this is his only chance before going to Ash’s house. The map also indicates that the Pokestop is in the same way as Ash’s house.

His journey soon led him to stop right in front of a house with a yellow post box. He was elated and thought,” Aha! Shiny Pokemons here I go !”

He tried swiping the Pokestop logo first but it seems that he was just a bit far from the Pokestop point.“Damn it, it’s in this person’s garden. Why is the Pokestop a garden ?! Okay, it’s fine I can just catch some shiny and go.”

He tapped on the shiny Absol and tried to catch it but to his surprised…he was out of Pokeballs.

“What?! No no no, I have to catch it !” he frantically tried flicking his empty Pokeballs in hopes that maybe his phone glitched. Lady luck sadly was not on his side and his shoulders slumped in defeat. Suddenly, he had an idea. His sight slowly panned onto the house he was in front of and thought of the Pokestop that was just in this person’s garden.

“Maybe…the owner would understand. It’s not my fault his garden is a Pokestop.” Synx breathes in and rang the bell to the house.

“Coming !” a voice from the inside calls out.

Okay okay, I’ll just say it straight to the point no problem. This is easy.

He heard the door opened and he immediately look down to get himself ready for his speech.

“Oh Sy-“

“I’M SORRY SIR BUT I’M ON A POKEMON HUNT AND I REALLY REALLY NEEDED THIS SHINY ABSOL THAT IS HERE RIGHT NOW AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD LET ME SWIPE THE POKESTOP THAT IS IN YOUR GARDEN PLEASE.”

He didn’t lift up his head, he doesn’t want to see the look on the owner’s face. They must think he’s childish or just another annoying kid that’s bothering him on this Pokestop. However, he heard a light chuckle instead.

He lifted up his head and watched the owner of the house laughing…well, Ash laughing.

Synx felt flush crept up to his neck and is now covering his face. He has never felt this embarrassed in his life. He doesn’t want Ash to think he’s some lame Pokemon geek fan, there’s no way Ash will like him now.

“Hey trainer, I really wouldn’t mind you using my garden,” Ash said still laughing and was that a subtle wink he saw.

“No hyung, I’m sorry that was ridiculous of me. I’m sorr-“

“What are you saying? I’m not mad Synx. Actually, I’m in the midst of…catching a shiny too.” He grinned sheepishly. In Ash’s hand, his phone was on the Pokemon Go app and it shows that he just caught a shiny Pikachu which is a very rare shiny.

“Woah hyung! A Pikachu shiny is so rare!” Synx in his excitement snatched Ash’s phone out of his grasp to marvel at the rare shiny.

“Um...Synx can you-“

“Hyung ! I can’t believe you caught this! Can I screenshot this? I have to sho-“ Synx stopped mid-sentence when he saw the Pikachu’s nickname.

“Wait…that’s my name.” He slowly lifted his head to look at Ash. His cheeks felt hot but Ash looked embarrassed too or maybe shy? His cheeks also had a tint of red and he was biting his inner cheeks.

“Well…I guess you caught my heart?”

[katelides]

I have another! :3 Bechloe - "Whenever people come over you have to hide and try to sneak out inconspicuously but you’re loud and clumsy and now everyone thinks I have a cat." Staubrey - “No, no, no, no, no, we aren’t ready… We aren’t ready for kids yet!”

Thank you @crimsonguitar-blog for the prompt :D (again) The Staubrey one is on its way andI hope you enjoy this one in the meantime!

Behloe - “Whenever people come over you have to hide and try to sneak out inconspicuously butyou’re loud and clumsy and now everyone thinks I have a cat.”

FYI it’s like 2.30 AMfor me right now so please don’t give me hell for spelling mistakes :(

One Shot 12

Chloe called her and it seemed like she was in a bad mood soof course Beca didn’t hesitate to ask Chloe to come to her apartment. Eventhough Beca could live in the Bellas house she likes her own freedom more. Herdad was paying the rent because he was so proud of his little girl continuing collegeso he would do anything.

Beca is pacing in her living room with her headset on,blasting a new mix.  A knock on the dooris completely missed by the brunette so imagine the heart attack she has whensomeone taps her one the shoulder. “What the fuck?” Beca turns around pullingher headset off, prepared to hit the person scaring the shit out of her butstops in time when she see Chloe. “Dude what’s wrong with you…” It’s a rhetoricalquestion of course because Chloe is perfect in every way for Beca. But thetears starting to form in Chloe’s eyes break the brunette’s angry façade.

“Chlo I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” Beca wrapsher arms around the redhead and lets her cry as long as she needs. “It’s gonnabe alright, whatever it is we’ll get through. We always do.” Even though Becaisn’t know to be helpful in situations like this, she always knows what to sayto calm Chloe down.

“Do you think I’m weird?” Beca furrows her brows at thequestion. “Of course not, you’re perfect… why?” Chloe pulls away from the warmhug and makes her way to the couch. Beca follows each motion carefully andnotices that her best friend is playing with the hem of her shirt. She onlydoes that when she’s stressed or nervous.

“Chloe what’s going on?” The usually bubbly redhead doesn’tlook up but just shrugs her shoulders. “Please talk to me, did somethinghappen?” Beca sits down next to Chloe and takes her hands so she stops ruiningher shirt. “Please?” This time Chloe does look up to meet Beca’s metallic blueeyes. “There’s this person that keeps texting me…” Beca cocks her head to theright. “What kind of texting?” Beca feels the girl’s hand trembling in hers. “What’sgoing on Chloe?” Chloe pulls away her right hand and reaches into her pocket totake out her phone.

Anonymous- What’s wrong with you?!

- You’re a whore!

- No one wants you,just disappear…

- No one cares aboutyou, just leave and you’ll see!

Beca locks the phone and fights the urge to throw it acrossthe room. “How long?” She asks between gritted teeth. “A while.” Chloe answerslooking down at the hand that’s still in Beca’s. “How… long?” Beca asks again whilemaking Chloe look at her by cupping her chin with her fingers. “A few months.”Beca lets out a gasp. “Why didn’t you tell me? Or at least Aubrey?”

“Because I know you, you’ll hunt this person down and Aubreywill probably help.” Beca nods. “Damn straight I will, no one talks to my girllike that.” A flash of slight amusement and confusion goes through Chloe’seyes. “You’re girl, huh?” Chloe teases. “Well uhm yeah, we’ve been… you know Idon’t know what we are Chlo? We’ve fooled around, we almost had you know and honestlyI want it all. The hand holding, the dates and the cliché’s…”

The soft giggle that escapes Chloe’s lips makes Beca stoprambling. “Sorry.” A sheepish grin forms on Beca’s face in an awkward way. “Ilike the sound of being your girl forthe record.” Chloe leans into Beca and kisses her gently on the lips. Chloepulls away after a few moments with a smile. “I don’t think I’ll ever get usedto kissing you Chloe Beale.”

“Same here Beca Mitchell.” Beca rolls her eyes with a smilethat fades almost instantly. “Hold up as much as I want to continue this westill need to talk about this problem.” Beca points at the phone. “What’s thereto say Beca, what if…” Chloe lets out a sigh. “What if he or she’s right?” Becafrantically shakes her head. “Heck no Chloe you’re perfect as you are.Everything that idiot is saying is a lie. You have so many people that careabout you and there’s 9 I can call this very second.” Beca starts pulling outher phone but Chloe stops her.

“I’m serious Chlo, you mean the world to me and I don’t knowwhat I’d do without you.” Beca’s voice is filled with concern mixed with sincerity.“You really mean that don’t you?” Beca nods. “I do.” Chloe looks at Beca withconfusion written all over her face when Beca jumps up. “Oooh I almost forgot,I have something for you.” Beca starts leaving the living room heading towards herbedroom.

“Close your eyes and no peaking Beale!” Chloe does as toldwhen she hears Beca’s voice from somewhere in the back. “What’s going on Beca?”The brunette shushes her. “Hold out your hands.” Chloe once again does as told.A box is put in her hands and it’s rather heavy. “You can look now.” Chloeslowly opens her eyes and sees a cardboard box with holes in it. “What’s this”

“Open it.” Beca urges with a huge smile. Chloe slowly opensthe box and lets out a squeal when she sees what’s in it. A tiny, fluffy whitekitten with blue eyes looks up at her. The redhead slowly reaches into the boxto lift it up and while doing that Beca takes the box and places it on thefloor. “When? How? Why?” Beca laughs and watches in awe how the kitten nuzzles intoChloe’s neck. “Those are all valuable questions so maybe we should go back tothe day it all started?”

*Flashback*

Chloe’s pretty tipsyand Beca’s well on her way. When they started making out no one knows but thisis a pretty often reoccurrence lately. Ever since they kissed a little over twoweeks ago they managed to find an opportunity to do it again and didn’tquestion it. No denying that both have strong feelings for each other so thiswas the next best thing.

Chloe is pinned downby Beca on her bed. Chloe is still living in her and Aubrey’s old apartment untilher lease is up in two months and then she’s moving into the Bellas house. Butfor now she enjoys the privacy of being able to kiss Beca in private. No oneknows about their… what are they? Chloe’s mind is being brought back to realitywhen she feels Beca’s cold fingers trace lines on her stomach.

Chloe giggles whenBeca hits a very ticklish spot. The brunette stops and pulls her hand away. Chloelets out a disappointed breath. “Bec, please…” This seems to be enough for thebrunette to cup Chloe’s breast over her shirt and give it a squeeze which elicitsa content moan from the redhead. Slowly but steadily Beca’s hand finds her wayback underneath the shirt.

Chloe sits up so Becacan take of her shirt before kissing her hard. They really want to take theirtime and enjoy the time they spend ‘working on new set lists and choreography’.Chloe manages to roll them over straddling Beca. The brunette’s eyes almost popout of her head, Chloe loves how Beca makes her feel special with just onelook. She’s not like anyone she’s ever been with.

Almost every guy shehad gone to at least this stage has ogled her but in a way that made her slightlyuncomfortable. They never had the decency to cover up the fact they only hadone thing on their mind. They just wanted another name in their stupid ‘book’. ButBeca… she will always make sure that she feels special, even if it’s just akiss. Never pushing anything and stopping if Chloe wasn’t really up for it. Notmaking her feel guilty like the guys.

“Chlo a-are yousu-ure?” Beca’s voice makes Chloe aware of the position they’re in. The redhead’shand was now cupping Beca’s very private area. Beca’s flushed face proved howmuch restrain the brunette had. They had never done anything but kissing and heavypetting. Beca takes Chloe’s hand and pulls it away from her crotch. ApparentlyChloe had been silent for too long so Beca took the initiative to stop whatthey were doing.

“Beca wait…” Beca letsher head rest against the pillow while Chloe sits up a bit straighter. “… Iwant to.” Beca smiles warmly at the beautiful girl on top of her. “Chlo you don’thave to…” She’s cut off by Chloe’s lips crashing down on hers. Beca doesn’tfight it and Chloe’s hand quickly finds its way back down. Chloe is rubbingthrough the fabric of the jeans and carefully listens to every sound Becamakes.

*DING DONG*

Chloe shoots up andalmost falls out of the bed but Beca grabs her just in time. “A-re youexpecting someone?” Beca is trying to catch her breath. Chloe shakes her head. “No,not that I can remember.” The bell chimes once more and Chloe scrambles off thebed and picks up her shirt. “Wait here, I’m going to check who it is.” Becanods. ‘Hey Chlo, uhm maybe check your hair?” Chloe looks in the mirror and seesher messy hair so she puts it up in a ponytail.

Chloe makes her way tothe door and takes a deep breath before opening. “What took you so long?” Chloewatches in amusement as Stacie walks into the living room. “Where’s out grumpycaptain?” Chloe raises her brow. “What do you mean?” Stacie lets out a laugh. “Hercar is parked outside, I assumed she was here.” Chloe’s eyes widen in realization,she completely forgot they drove here and parked in front of the building.

“Uhm yeah Beca went out to get some snacks, we planned onwatching a movie together.” The lie comes out smoothly but Stacie doesn’t seemto buy it. “Since when does Beca watch movies?” Yeah there it is. “I promisedto buy her lunch tomorrow if she’d watch a movie with me.” That seemed tosatisfy the tall brunette for the time being.

*BAM*

“What was that?”Stacie asks looking in the direction of the sound. “Uhhhmmm I have a cat?” Why,out of all lies she had to make up a cat. “Oh my god can I see it?” Staciewants to get up but Chloe stop her. “No… no because it’s very weird aroundpeople, I just got it and it’s still trying to get used to me.”

Meanwhile in thebedroom Beca is listening at the door to find out who interrupted their moment.“Shit.” The brunette mumbles when she hears Stacie mention her car. “Uhm yeah Beca went out to get some snacks, we planned onwatching a movie together.” Beca scrunches her nose in disgust. She does notlike movies so why would Chloe lie about the one thing that Beca would never dovoluntarily.

Beca does react andthinks of how to get out unseen by the fellow Bella. The way out is the window,Beca tries to open it but it’s stuck somewhere. Beca starts tugging as hard asshe can and all of a sudden the window opens with a loud bang. Beca stays quietand hears something about a cat? No time to dwell about that, she needs to getout. Luckily for her there’s a fire escape she can use to climb down safely.

-,-,-,-,-

*DING DONG*

Chloe gets up from herspot on the couch and goes to open the door. “Beca you’re back, come see who’shere.” Beca stumbles inside with a large grocery bag. “Oh hi Stace, what’s up?”The tall brunette smiles and shrugs. “Nothing much, you?” Beca puts the bag onthe table and takes a seat in the armchair. “Nothing really. Chloe and I aregoing to go over the set lists and watch a movie.” The last part comes out as agrowl.

Stacie chuckles. “Yeah,Chloe mentioned it. Ooooh did you know Chloe has a cat?” Beca’s head shoots tothe redhead sitting next to Stacie. The pleading look she tries to give hersecretly makes Beca cave. “Yeah, uhm it’s a little wild thing.” Stacie’s eyeslight up. “So you’ve see it?” Beca shakes her head. “No but I’ve heard it.”Stacie’s mouth forms an o shape but nothing comes out.

“Is there anything youneed?” Beca asks carefully. “Uhm yeah, I wanted to ask if I could borrow yourcar? Mine’s in the shop and I get it back on Wednesday. I kind of have a datetonight.” Beca rolls her eyes. “I’ll say yes on one condition… NO SEX IN THECAR!” Stacie puts up two fingers like a scouts honor. “I promise.” Beca takesout her keys from her jacket and throws them to the brunette with a sigh.

“Thank you so muchBeca.” Stacie gets up from the couch but doesn’t go up to Beca when she seesher glare. “I’ll go now, and you’ll have your car back tomorrow.” Beca shakesher head with a sigh. “You’re welcome Stacie, have fun.” Beca shouts after thetall brunette. “I always do Mitchell.” Chloe looks at the brunette with asmirk. “Who knew Beca Mitchell could be nice.” Beca scoffs loudly. “Anyway, canwe like actually do something productive while I’m here.”

“Oh come on Becs, I’m justkidding.” Chloe gets up from her seat and sits on Beca’s lap. “Dude, you justmade me a cat and practically forced me to watch a movie.” Chloe smiles at thepout Beca makes. “You know we don’t have to watch a movie, right?” Beca rollsher eyes. “If it was anyone except Stacie we could have skipped but knowing hershe’ll drill me about that damn thing tomorrow.” Chloe can’t help the chucklethat escapes her. “Would it make a difference if we cuddle on the couch whilewatching?” Beca thinks about it and nods with a sigh. “Sure but only because it’syou.”

*End Flashback*

Chloe is laughing hysterically but in a way to make sure thekitten in her lap doesn’t wake up. “Two days later everyone knew about your catand you came up to me saying: Thank you for being loud and clumsy when yousneak out, now everyone thinks I have a cat.” Beca pets the fluffy ball of happinessin Chloe’s lap. “I’m sorry baby.” Beca’s eyes widen in surprise. “Did you justcall me baby?”

“I’m sorry is that weird?” Panic falls over the redhead’sface but Beca shakes her head. “No, because now you give me a reason to callyou babe.” Beca says with a wink. “Ok, now that we’re past weird can you tellme when you bought this little guy? It’s a guy right?” Beca nods. “Yeah, it’s aboy and you still have to name him.”

“Fizzle.” Chloe looks at the kitten which started purringthe second she said the name. “Fizzle it is.” Beca laughs watching the scenebefore her. “And as for when I bought Fizzle… This morning, after you called meactually. I had already looked into him and everything was set I just had topick him up really. You sounded so sad and I knew I had to cheer you up and Ithink it worked.” Chloe nods with tears in her eyes. “It really did.”

“I’m still calling Aubrey about this text creep and theBellas.” Chloe lets out breath. “I know.” Beca scoots closer and puts her armaround Chloe. “You know this story about you sneaking out reminds me ofsomething.” A sly grin forms on Chloe’s face while she puts the sleeping kittenin a blanket on the armchair. “We never finished what we started that day.”Beca’s face turns bright red at just the thought. “Whatever you want to do isnot happening in  front of and innocent kitten.”Beca says slightly flustered. “Well, we can always move this party to thebedroom.”

Yep, those sexy winks are going to be the cause of Beca’sdeath one day but right now she quickly hurries after her girlfriend. If she had know buying Chloe a cat would have thiseffect she would have done that her freshman year instead of just drooling overher.

I DO NOT OWN PITCH PERFECT!

FOLLOW ME ON FF.net FORUPCOMING CHAPTERS – katelides

Let me know what you think, feedback isalways fun to have :D

[thedegenerateasexual]

another big old fuckin rape warning jfc

incest warning too i guess? lmao this book

AN ENTIRE FLASHBACK CHAPTER im not ready

four days after the first encounter and kate hasn't made another move - "But she hadn't moved from the lifeguard perch all week, hadn't even spoken to him. She'd just watched him like a hawk, gaze trained on him, as he'd stroked through the water. One by one the other swimmers had left, and he'd remained behind, torn between disappointment that she hadn't done it again, and complete and utter relief that she was staying away from him."

and then she does: "He swam lap after lap beneath her scrutiny. Then, just as he did one last flip-kick and headed for the stairs in the shallow end, he felt the vibration of her approach in the water. And then she was swimming alongside him. He couldn't believe it. He didn't know what else to do except to keep swimming. What was he supposed to do? ... He thought about all those human, adult things that he hadn't done, that she obviously had—get a job, have a car..."

so then they stop swimming, and she takes his hand:

She smiled at him, much more shyly than he would have expected. She looked down, then peered up at him through her lashes.

"What you must think of me," she murmured.

His heart was pounding so hard he was sure that she could hear it. He had no idea what to say to her, and he also had no idea how to get out of the pool without embarrassing himself.

Except . . . he didn't want to get out of the pool. He wanted to kiss her.

"There's something about you," she whispered. "I've been thinking about you all week. I tried to stay away. I mean, you're a student and I'm . . . well, I'm not a teacher. But I'm close. To being a teacher."

She swirled her fingers through the water. "And this really isn't my style, you know? I don't come on to men like this."

Men. She thought of him as a man. He licked his lips, completely tongue-tied.

what kills me about this is that this is what he does in the show when confronted with kate, or other things that make him uncomfortable (jennifer) - when derek can't think of the right thing to say he goes dead fucking silent. he just plain stops talking. & i'm like devasated at the idea that it's a lifelong habit 

and then, this is the most manipulative part:

"I wish you'd say something," she murmured. "I'm kind of dying right about now. I'm sorry if I misread your intentions. I won't bother you again."

His intentions? Misread them? He was baffled. But then he thought about all the looks he had thrown her way. How he'd glanced up at the lifeguard tower every time he'd made a turn to head down the lane. Maybe he had been sending out signals.

THAT'S TEXTBOOK GASLIGHTING JESUS CHRIST HE'S SIXTEEN

it gets worse! she "assumes" he has a girlfriend and pretends to be all shocked when he says he doesn't because he's "so handsome and all" and then says "look this is happening in such an awkward way i dont mean to crowd you im just drawn to you i cant rly explain it" exCUSE me oh my god and then adds "but i don't want you to think i'm just after, well, YOU KNOW" THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE but he's sixteen and never had a girlfriend so he doesn't know any better!!!!

so she asks if he wants to go for coffee and show her around and then adds "we'd have to be careful bc outsiders wouldn't understand" i'm pretty sure they'd understand just fine :///

like i knew it was like this but im still so outraged on his behalf jesus

and he's thinking about how he doesn't know any coffee places in beacon hills bc he spends most of his time out of the community but SHE says:

"I think we're both having the same thought," she murmured. "Privacy."

Privacy, as in being careful not to be seen together while they were hanging out? Or privacy as in . . . oh, God, was she serious?

"So we can get to know each other." She pondered a moment. "Would you think I was too forward if I invited you to my apartment? Just for coffee?"

and he's like panicking running through his options bc he wants to go but he's supposed to meet laura and there's only one car - she offers to drive him home, and oh, wouldn't she just love to know where the hale house is - but eventually he just says he needs to check in with his sister first - and she's like, "laura hale? oh dont be startled i made some discreet inquiries about you" and it doesn't trip his creep radar bc he doesn't have any life experiences but holy fuck that's like right next door to stalking

as an aside i don't like how they use wolf as a verb in this book it's weird - he began to wolf, his eyesight wolfed - like nah. no thanks

uhhhhh so derek asks laura to pick him up in 3 hours and she's like "whats in it for me" and he's like "i wont tell dad i saw you frenching josh" JOSH THEIR COUSIN??

the exact words were josh was peter's sister-in-law's kid

that's, uh

i mean that means peter's brother's kid, then, right? which means laura and derek's blood cousin???? alright then

oh god kate came in the locker room in JUST A TOWEL while he was talking he can't get a minute away from her

laura's like "ur gonna go do something slutty with a human aren't you" THIS IS CONTRADICTING SEASON 1 CANON LOL derek never told anybody about kate! laura is super weird in this book if my 16yo little brother was about to go sleep with a teacher i would never be so chill about it

Oh, sweetie, getting your attention is like shooting fish in a barrel, Kate thought as she drove Derek in her car to her apartment. It was across the street from a bar, which, from her point of view, was convenient for when she wanted to hang out with the grown-ups. She was wearing a pair of jeans, heeled boots, and a black low-cut cashmere sweater. I can practically hear you slobbering. It's like you're a big puppy dog and I am a juicy steak.

this dialogue.......

i wasn't like, having the worst time reading this book, it wasn't actually that bad, but jesus

oh my god

"The thrill of this new hunt raced through her. The euphoria of the chase. She never, ever got tired of dangling herself in front of males of all kinds. It was no accident that in ancient Greece, the deity in charge of the hunt was a goddess—Artemis. Beside her, Derek "Aquaman" Hale had his head resting on the back of the seat and his eyes closed. He was really good-looking. This was not going to be the most difficult thing she'd ever done in her life."

good GOD 

so she offers him a drink, and starts with coffee, but quickly escalates to wine: "I like to have a little something to unwind after I'm at the pool, you know? Lucky thing I live across the street from a bar." She said that to goose him a little, remind him she was a woman, with a woman's needs.

and that he's sixteen.

now she's talking about how she doesn't even know if derek and the hales are the wolf pack she's looking for: She had her orders, but she had to be sure. Kill werewolves, and you were a hero. Kill people, and you were a mass murderer. The group she was involved with had detected werewolf activity in Beacon Hills, and she just had a feeling about the Hales. Of course, there were several other large families in the area that might make up the pack she was seeking. Derek's furtiveness and hesitation might have nothing to do with her assignment. There were reasons other than being a werewolf for not wanting to bring home someone who was way too old for you. It hadn't dawned on him to question the motives of a pretty woman who was coming on to him. He believed what he chose to believe.

apparently she has some tragic backstory w/ this? "Menwerewolves and humanswere so simple. They always assumed you wanted them. Some fat man on a couch burping and watching cage matches? Oh, yeah, you wanted him. A guy who threw you around the room and accused you of cheating on him? Oh, yeah, you wanted him. Like a hole through your heart. But the good one? The one that you really did want? A flash of rage roared through Kate, but she kept it at bay. She could feel it trying to take over, like a wolf scratching at her door. Rage was not her enemy. Rage got the job done. In ancient Greece—land of Lycoan, said to be the first werewolf—men who pissed off the goddess Artemis were ripped to shreds by her hunting dogs. Several times a day, Kate dreamed about ripping various people to shreds. Of course, she never acted on it. She left that for others much less able to control their savagery." see, like, if derek wasn't 16, i could buy bad men in her life leading her to want to use men like this, but derek is a boy and she talks continuously about how innocent he is, so like...no slide

i know i'm just doing a lot of copypasta rn but it speaks for itself: "She watched as Sweetie Derek politely moved a packing carton off her sofa and sat down. What a body. Still boyish, but with the sweet promise of a truly splendid man. If she was right about the Hales, Derek would never become a man. Just as he wasn't really a boy. He was a monster hidden inside a human disguise." that aligns pretty well with the "they're all just a bunch of dumb animals to me" shit she talks in 1.11, also, "Sweetie Derek," this is so horrible

she finally pours them wine and leans against the counter to "give him a view" - "She waited for his response. He was staring at her body. Wanting her. Intimidated by her. She loved it." like this is SO BAD AND EXPLICIT she really does just love that he's young and unsure it's FUCKED

so then we switch to derek pov, and they eat like a light lunch of sandwiches with a long awkward silence, and he does a lot of internal monologuing about how cool it would be if she could come home and meet his family and be her mate

which like...i know how teenagers are but he met her five days ago. tbh real grooming, which is definitely what she's doing, takes longer than that, but i guess we were going for brevity here lol

(in this book derek's dad is the alpha? but in season 3 talia is, so i guess they changed werewolves then to be matriarchial like hunters)

like, she's asking him questions about himself - lucky number, favorite color - she asks him if he believes in fate. he keeps clamming up and she keeps trying to get him to talk so she finally asks about his swimming and he blurts out that there's just so much pressure, even though he can't really tell people about his "double life" and she like IMMEDIATELY responds with "yeah ofc there is hs is so rough like the ppl you have to hang out with some are still like babies and some are all rown up and ready for the real world like you" like...this is classic grooming techniques

and he's like flattered and think she's mega hot but he's also really nervous, and when she leans into his space and asks if he's ready: "He set down his sandwich. His heart was about to burst out of his chest. His body was quivering and trembling. He felt as if he were burning up." and he does say yes so i assume they banged but THANK god the chapter cut to black

[adrianvsart]

memorable and overall funny camp camp quotes

well…after 8 HOURS, i’ve finally rewatched the camp camp series for almost the 5th time. and boy, was it agonizing to say the least. nevertheless, it felt very rewarding after i finished gathering all the quotes together.

ill be updating this as new episodes are released but these are the ones out to the public so far (not including the new ones released on the rooster teeth website as i will wait until its posted on youtube).

it’s under the cut because, oh boy, is this LONG;

Episode 1, Escape From Camp Campbell

“Can you believe it, Max? We’re getting not one! not three! but two new campers today!” “Yup! it’s really truly horrifying.”

“I’m not here to make friends, David! I’m here because camp is where kids are sent when their parents don’t wanna deal with them. Why do you think we return the favor when they hit seventy?”

“Hang on a sec, what are you even doing out here?” “Well, it’s definitely not because the bus only comes from the city to drop off and pick up campers and so far seems to be my only reasonable method of escaping this fucking nightmare of a camp. Definitely not that.” “Heeey…language.”

“Suck a dic-” “All I want is for you kids to have as much fun as I did when I was a Campbell camper! Is that really too much to ask?” “I refuse to believe someone as happy as you can possibly exist.”

“No, silly! This is adventure camp! Ad-vent-ure! My mom said so! Unless she was lying…again. Sorry about that hand by the way, just exerting dominance, you know how it goes.”

“Max, you are not leaving my side for the rest of the day!” “We’ll see about that, CAMP. MAN.”

“Tell ‘em just how much you love it, Max!” “See, that’s the sad thing…he still actually thinks that I love it.”

“Gooood morning, Gwen!” “MOTHERFUCKER!”

“Nurf, you don’t crank shit! Get down from there Space Kid!”

“What about that astronaut kid?” “Astronauts, the wannabe jocks of the scientific community? Please.”

“Yeah, so far every attempt to answer our questions just raises more questions.” “Hey, good for you! You’re starting to catch on!”

“[Pulling out guitar] Well, I’m glad you asked, because I have a little song that I can sing–” “No.” “[Putting back guitar] When Gwen’s not around.”

“You are the bane of my existence.”

“This is bullshit!” “Woah, check out the balls on new kid.” “[Looking down at her crotch] Where?”

“Oh god, it’s coming back, the crippling anxiety and regret.”

“Why would you help us?” “I’m an agent of chaos.”

“Oh no. I hope YOU learned, David! I hope you learned that before today, you only had one little bastard to deal with. But now you’ve got three." 

Episode 2, Mascot

"Oh, he talked! Did you hear that?!” “Are you a gypsy?” “Uhhh…”

“[After just flinging the camp mascot to the next island with a huge rock instead of hitting David] Aw, man…That was supposed to kill you.”

“Well, Max, we were going to make hand-made ice cream, but someone killed our mascot and now we need a new one BECAUSE EVERY GOOD CAMP HAS A MASCOT, MAX!”

“Lady-sickness. My mom used to get that all the time.” “How do you cure it?” “EDGE CLOSER TO DEATH.”

“Calm down, it’ll be fine. Besides, anything’s better than hanging with DAVID." 

"Sorry everyone, just…really overwhelmed by all this friendship right now.”

“What’s WRONG?! I wanted to spend my summer in an air conditioned laboratory! Not walking around a future Wal-Mart parking lot!” “Aw, come on, Neil! Nature can be your friend if you just give it a chance!” “…There’s a raccoon trying to scavenge Nerris.”

“It’s resistent to charms!” “Nerris! Play dead!” “I’m out of mana!" 

"Uh…this looks like the place teenagers go to get stabbed.” “…Probably.”

“Hey, so, how’d you lose that hand anyway?” “[unintelligible mumble] JEWS [unintelligible mumble]” “…I feel like you should be more specific.”

“[Sigh] Well, I guess Nikki was right. Enjoy wearing my skin.”

“[After killing a squirrel] Mascot.” “DUDE! YOU FUCKING KILLED IT!” “…Oh.”

“[Aggressively killing animals] I AM THE KING NOW! THE THRONE IS MINE!" 

"Wh-Where’d it go?! Bring it back!” “Oh…I don’t know how. This is kinda why I’m here.”

“Where do we go now?!” “I don’t know! This was a really bad idea in hindsight!”

“I WANT A VIKING’S FUNERAL! LIGHT ME UP!”

“…Why do you always have to make things weird and complicated?” “Well, I mean, I think this is all pretty normal…”

“Does this mean we’ll be the Camp Campbell Platties?!” “No, I don’t think so.”

 "…What about the pussies?“ "Definitely not!” “Yeah, I like that!” “Pussies for life.”

“…So what’s with the Quartermaster and Jews?”

Episode 3, Scout’s Dishonor

“Ah…another wonderful day at Camp Campbell. All that’s left to do now is recharge with a full eight hours of lying in bed…awake! Waiting for tomorrow!”

“Alright, guys, our first attempt to bust out of this god-forsaken hellhole didn’t work.”

“So…what are you gonna do on the outside?” “Probably live with the animals. Try and get raised by wolves, maybe work my way up to alpha. Pee on stuff.”

“I think I’ll go to my dad’s house and tell him that mom sent me to an abusive summer camp. Pretend to like him more so she’ll try to buy back my love." "That’s really dark, Neil.”

“Where are we?” “Where happiness goes to DIE.”

“WHY DO YOU KEEP HITTING ME?! AND WHY IS IT ONLY CLOUDY OVER YOUR SIDE OF THE LAKE?!”

“God, your face is gross.” “…What…?” “Oh, sorry, that just slipped out…” “Dude…” “Sorry… I know… That was mean.” “It really was…”

“Oh, we don’t kidnap campers. That’d be immoral.” “THAT GUY LITERALLY STABBED ME IN THE BACK!”

“Neeancy, boys are supposed to be tough.” “And rugged.” “And if they pee in you, you get pregnant!”

“Y'all are some ignorant fucking cunts!”

“[Dreamily]…he can pee in me anytime.” “Tabii seriously, what the fuck?!”

“That was super gay.” “We JUST learned a lesson about stereotyping!”

“You know, maybe I don’t hate Camp Campbell, maybe I hate EVERYTHING." 

Episode 4, Camp Cool Kidz

"This sucks…This is the kind of peasant work my parents left their home country to avoid." 

"That’s fucking stupid, nicknames don’t make you cool.” “Pssh, spoken like a true first-part nicknamer.”

“No one’s TOO cool to talk to. Even cool kids take giant, uncomfortable shits from time to time. Helps remind you that we’re all equal.”

“Oh, maybe he’ll give us a raise! Or, tell me I’m like the son he never had!” “…Or explain why he’s wanted by the government.” “Or that. Yeah, there’s that." 

"WE GOT OURSELVES AN UPRISIN’!”

“Max! I am very disappointed in you for this behavior! But I’m also torn, because you were clearly paying attention during knot-tying class!”

“This is just like Le Mis! Ah, I love it!” “Don’t make this lame, Preston.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the hell up! Did you nerds forget who revolutionized this place?! I should be leading you! Not "x-treme sports barbie” over here!“

"Rage-against-the-machine-fight-the-power-9/11!” “Progressive buzzwords can’t save you now.”

“Like the minutemen of the Revolution, we will fight for our independence!” “Minuteman…mommy calls daddy that when they argue.”

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this. It’s only been a few hours and we’ve already gone shirtless!”

“Aw, man! Sooo uncool.” “MURDER HIM!”

“What are you kids doing?!” “We’re gonna kill Space Kid!”

“You guys are here to rescue me?!” “No! Shut up David!” “Aw…”

“No fighting! Violence never solves anything!” “STAB HER, BITCH!”

“OH GOD! SOMEONE STOP-DROP-AND-ROLL ME!”

Episode 5, Journey to Spooky Island

“I was VERY innocent and impressionable back then!” “…So, last week?”

“What’s scary is how much I wanna kill myself right now.”

“So help me if this involves vampire romance.” “I-It could’ve been werewolves. You don’t know!”

“Here’s a horror story, go look at the job market you’re dealing with after this camp shuts down!”

“[After a squirrel jumps out of Space Kid’s spacesuit] Wait a minute! How is it that you aren’t even phased by that?!” “Might’ve helped if I hadn’t put it in his suit to begin with.”

“Wh-what do you think about that moaning and wailing?” “Pssh, it’s just teenagers from that church camp working on those repressions again. Not that I know anything about it, just being a kid and all.”

“So…No dead campers then?” “Nope! We’re good!” “Damn.”

“What’s with space case?” “Squirrel-splosion.”

“Ah…So the revolution has begun…”

“Pssh, ghosts don’t exist. You die, and then you’re faced with eternal nothingness. It’s gonna be great.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW?! YOU’VE NEVER DIED!”

“We’ll see who’s yawning when we’re all DEAD!” “Why would we…?”

“That seems redundant.” “Yeah, and I think endangered…”

“I AM NOT ABOUT THIS SHIT, NIKKI! SCIENCE HAS IT’S LIMITS!” “Don’t be so naive, this is mild experimentation at best.”

“You know what this is? Proof that the founder of Camp Campbell is a rich piece of shit with terrible morals and who also potentially kills people! …ALL THINGS I WAS ALREADY PRETTY SURE OF!”

“But the monsters! The wails! You can’t explain that!” “Actually…” “THE HELL I CAN’T!”

“Guess that goes to show that sometimes, the only thing scarier than monsters and ghosts…is real life. Specifically old people having sex. Weird, kinky sex. In a dungeon. Boy, that is…that is some dark shit.”

Episode 6, Reigny Day

“Under my rule, I WILL MAKE CAMP CAMPBELL GREAT AGAIN” “[Thinking] This is probably fine.”

“WHAT DID YOU DO WITH NEIL, NURF? SHOVE HIM IN A LOCKER? MAKE HIM PROM QUEEN, ONLY TO COVER HIM IN BLOOD?”

“You seem pretty confident about that. Where were you on the night of-” “Shut up, let’s go find him.”

“Yeah? What did you think I meant? I’m not some kind of secret police or something.”

“[Nervously] All right kiddos, why don’t we take this conversation somewhere else, like another room! Or another camp!”

“We shall make an example of him! Let the hunt begin!” “[Thinking] This is still fine.”

“[After Preston destroys the floorboards with a crowbar] This has escalated quickly.”

“[Thinking, after getting nervous about the judges] This is no longer fine.”

“[Thinking] I can’t believe I lost to Dolph, he isn’t even a counselor!” “[Thinking] Plus he really looks like Hitler.”

Episode 7, Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected

“Please, the theater demands your utmost respect-” “[Through megaphone] SHUT YOUR YAPS, IT’S TIME FOR THE PLAY!” “Ahem, thank you Gwen.” “[Through megaphone] DON’T MENTION IT!”

“Y'know, Juliet should’ve done karate instead of kissing boys. HIYAH! Maybe she wouldn’t have died then.”

“Has anyone seen my phone? I must have dropped it while doing my smile exercises.” “Don’t admit to that…”

“Guuys, you’re just adding to my anxiety! If you don’t return the phone, I’m going to have a panic attack, and that’s on you!”

“Yo, did someone say black magic?” “[Facepalming] Amateurs!”

“Thanks for your contribution, an inanimate object stuffed with hay could have acted better! [Turning to the platypus] Platypus, you’re doing great! Stole the scene! Keep it up!”

“Alright people, get your SHIT together!”

“You’re up next, break a leg, buddy.” “You’re right! If I’m injured, I can’t preform! Hit me! Hit me hard! It’s gotta look convincing!”

“Our love is forbidden just like Romeo and Juliet’s but we will be together even if it costs us our lives. UGH! It’s so romantic, I wanna die!” “He called us cunts last time he saw us.”

“I’m gonna make that kissing scene so hot, it’ll be rated TV Y 7.”

“It appears, my son, in her sorrow, she killed herself.” “Nooo! [Seinfeld music]”

“Ugh. Why is he so sweaty? Robots can’t sweat. THIS ISN’T CANON!”

“I don’t know who this BITCH is, but she is KILLING IT! AH!”

“I need to stop this!” “Why? This is awesome! Whoo! You go girl!”

“The theater! The cruelest mistress of all! My career! Like the mistakes of so many teenage girls, has been aborted.”

“Oh, nobody plays Bonquisha like that!” “[In distance] Kick his ass!”

“What about me? Where’s MY apology?” “I’m gonna be honest, I’m not sure who you are.”

“[Holding up a picture of Cameron Campbell] Have you seen this man?” “Oh, uh, I’ve been told to tell you no.”

“They don’t give Oscars for stage performances.” “That’s how good it was.”

Episode 8, Into Town

“What did I say? I said don’t do fire safety camp and political history camp in the same day unless you reeeeaaally want it to turn into riot control camp." 

"You’re still on fire, btw!” “Thank you.”

“Eyy, we’re talking here!” “The moon landings were a hoax filmed in Area 51 orchestrated by the government as a publicity stunt designed to humiliate the Russians in the space race!” “Noooooo! No! I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!”

“Ah! Sweet 22.2 degrees Celsius, here we come!” “You idiot! This isn’t about air conditioning!”

“Just what exactly do you think he’s into?” “Hookers and blow!” “[Simultaneously] WHAT?!”

“Neil, you go be Neil in the nerd shop. Just stay here and keep an eye on the wagon. Get ready to haul ass if you see David about to leave.”

“Eeny-meeny-miny-mo, what lame place did David go…in?”

“Don’t serve your kind here.” “Your kind? Your kind?! Care to be more specific, sir? I’m calling you out!” “Kids.” “Oh, well that’s totally understandable.”

“Him? Yeahh, he’s a bit on edge now, isn’t he? Kept saying something about how it was all some kid’s fault.” “I know what you’re thinking. You’re totally right.”

“So, he come here often? Is he a sad drunk? Happy drunk? Gay drunk?”

“He beat a women?! David, you unbelievable bastard, I didn’t know you had it in you!”

“[Coughing] Max? I think I’m dying.”

“[To Max] Don’t come back. [To Nikki] Come back when you’re 18.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t wanna drive him to murder! I just wanted to show him that his entire philosophical outlook on life is flawed and that the fundamental beliefs and ideologies he holds so dearly are trivial so that he’ll start crying himself to sleep like the rest of us! I’m not a monster!”

“You sick bastard! Your getaway from the camp is TO GO CAMPING?!”

“Just. Kill us!”

Episode 9, David Gets Hard

“FUCK YEAH, SCARE ME STRAIGHT!”

“Well, we’re gonna learn that little shit some manners, David! Because we are contractually obligated to!" 

"After all, there’s only one camper at Camp Campbell worse than him, and it’s me.”

“What do you want?” “Double desert, no activities for a week, and David’s social security number.” “Done.” “Gwen!” “SHUT UP, DAVID!” “Okay…”

“Today’s the day I get hard!” “Okay, maybe we don’t phrase it like that…” “Oh no! Rule 1: no backing down! Look out, world! I’m hard and I’m coming! Whether he likes it or not, Nurf is gonna let me in!”

“…So does he want to help Nurf or fuck him?" 

"You’re pathetic.” “And getting blood on my boot.”

“No, no! You’re being positive again! Gwen’s the fucking worst! She slacks off, reads garbage and has no idea what she’s doing with her life!” “[Angrily] What?”

 "There’s no time-travelling doctor coming to save you Gwen! Get your shit together!“ 

"Right! I know that’s probably hard to hear!” “No.” “And may have even been a little too far!” “Not at all” “But by golly, it seems to me you’ve never been very polite to anyone!” “[Muttering] God damn it.”

“Man, he is…way more fucked up than I thought.”

“[Sarcastically] Oops, didn’t see you there! [Normally] Just kidding, I was fully aware of the situation. I’m just acting out for attention. That being said, I do think I need corrective lenses, my mom just won’t take me." 

"Oh, so we’re doing the whole Freudian thing now? Everyone wants to fuck their own mom, get over it!”

“So, what are you gonna do now?” “STAB MY DAD!” “NO! What?! Why?!”

“What do you expect? I’m just a kid! Eat my farts, butt-nut!”

“Well, I guess it turns out at the end of the day…sometimes you just gotta hit kids.”

Episode 10, Mind Freakers

“Sure, Harrison, that’s it. It’s certainly not because I believe in the fundamental laws of everything in existence which goes against the slightest chance of magic even being possible.”

“Get rekt, Harrison. Why don’t you do a real magic trick if you’re so good.”

“Oh! You just got Abraca-OWNED, Max!”

“Yes, and it would’ve been even better if it had happened to Neil as I intended, but you get the idea. Magic!”

“I do NOT feel okay!”

“It’s not like I’m gonna loose sleep over it. [Later that night] Shit.”

“Yeah! I believe! Cut me in half! I’ll be fine! …I’ll be fine? I’ll be fine!”

“Okay, Neil. I got you, fam.” “I don’t know what that means, but thank you.”

“How does Harrison have the Gaul to do something so hurtful, ya know?” “Yeah, it’s kinda shitty. I feel-” “It’s like he doesn’t even care how this affects ME!” “You?!” “Yeah! How can he be so selfish?”

“I don’t know, Neil. There’s still so much I need to learn. I gotta reach level 4 and I haven’t even been sorted into a house yet.”

“Just proving that any idiot with half a brain can do that trick you pulled off yesterday.” “Wait, are…are you calling yourself an idiot, Neil?” “SHUT UP SPACE KID.”

“YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, HARRISON!”

“The only thing I’m killing is your hocus-pocus bullshit, Harrison!”

“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the greatest trick of all. Getting a cynical, close-minded asshole to believe in magic!" 

Episode 11, Camporee

"Guess who’s got two thumbs, diplomatic immunity and is here to host the annual Lake Lilac CAMPOREE?! This guy!”

“David, what the hell! No one told us about this!” “We’ve literally been telling you about it everyday for weeks.” “Yeah, but we never listen to you guys! Put up flyers or something.”

“Darn it, Teddy, you KNOW I’ve got a crippling gambling addiction!”

“Yo, David! I think I speak for all of us when I say that I don’t wanna become some fascist military peon!” “[Raising his hand] He does not speak for all of us.”

“BOO! Give us actual advice!”

“[Nervously] We just, uh, you know gotta believe in ourselves!” “Nope, we’re boned.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ! Campers, we are winning that FUCKING trophy!”

“[Innocently] Kill.”

Episode 12, The Order of the Sparrow

“Gwen, why is David dressed like a turkey?” “Because he’s fucking David, Nikki, you’ve been here long enough to figure that out.”

“Wow, that is racist.” “Seriously, are you offended?”

“[Whining] Do we have to?” “No, but-” “WAIT! Nevermind! It’s mandatory!”

“Tell us now, turkey man!”

“I can be nice! I’m the nicest!”

“David! You know me! You know I love nature! You know if I could, I would have BABIES with nature!”

“Resistance is futile, turkey man!”

“David. Witness me. Witness my love for nature! [Tries kissing platypus but it bites him instead] Ow! You whore! Let me love you, god damn it!”

“I can’t believe I frenched a platypus for this!”

“Life sucks. And we live in a world of desensitized, apathetic assholes. Why don’t you just get with the program and stop giving a shit.”

“That’s why I’ll never stop trying, because somebody fucking has to.”

“Wake up, buttercup!” “Nikki! No more arrows!” “You can’t control me, white devil!”

“Alright, I fixed it. Everybody hurry up and…ah, shit, he’s awake.”

“Max? Did you-” “DO NOT look too deeply into this. You suck, this world sucks, and one day we’re all gonna die and none of it will matter but if we didn’t do this, I’m pretty sure you’d kill yourself or something.” “[Sniffling] Oh, Max…” “Or shoot up the camp. I dunno, it was a possibility.”

Season 2, Episode 1, Cult Camp

“[Bursting through the door] Goooood morning, David!” “Goood morning, Gwen! Wait, this feels backwards.” “Yep!”

“But today’s the day!” “[Gasp] You’ve realized your love of Camp Campbell and everything it stands for?” “[Happily] HELL NO!”

“Ha, are pulling my leg?” “No leg-pulling here, but we are keen on handshakes!”

“You know, I think now is the perfect time to use my vacation days.” “[Simultaneously] Aw, Gwen. Are you sure?”

“[Picking on Max after he raises his hand] Yes, Max.” “[Points at Daniel] Who the fuck is that?” “Why, what an excellent question!”

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” “Whoa, watch the language there little fella!”

“I don’t really know what you’re selling here, Daniel…but I am BUYING IT!”

“Oh my fuck, he’s ACTUALLY- [Banging on David’s door] A CULTIST! YOU HIRED A FUCKING CULTIST, YOU IDIOT!”

“Again with these cult jokes, Max? Please.” “He gave everyone a "de-toxification” diet then started spouting off Latin from a book with a pentagram!“ "He’s bilingual AND cares about nutrition?!”

“[Sweetly] Hey, David?” “Yes, Nikki?” “WAKE UP AND SMELL THE KOOL-AID!”

“I would just like to point out the fucked-up implications of specifically YOU [points at Dolph] putting specifically ME [points at himself (Neil)] into a gas chamber.”

“I love you, Daniel!” “[Gasp] But…That’s not right! Max doesn’t love anything!”

“Poor guy, must have been some bad fruit punch.” “[Sigh] You’re a moron.”

Season 2, Episode 2, Anti-Social Network

“Nurf, leave me alone, or so help me, I will post photoshops everywhere of you kissing guys!” “Woah! Hey, somebody’s a little tense. You might want to look into some agression therapy. Besides, maybe I already tried to explore my sexuality…you don’t know. [Sniff] Chris, why did you leave me?”

“Oh my fucking god! Is it always just adventures with you two?!”

“It’s a chat bot.” “What do you mean?” “I mean, it’s a programmed, repetitive, humorless, inhuman, simulation of a person.” “Yeah, Neil!”

“Okay, okay. So maybe a couple of you might have critical thinking skills. Good for you, but other than that it’s all going according to plan.” “And what plan is that?” “The "get everyone to leave me the hell alone” plan. I’m a genius!“

"What could possibly go wrong?” “Everything, but until it does, I’m gonna go plug David into this thing and see how it plays out. Have fun doing…whatever.”

“Damn, Neil, you did that with graphing calculators?”

“This doesn’t make any sense. Every calculator’s running an updated version of my chat bot, but they’re all acting different.” “Yeah, I’m about three seconds away from removing the batteries from David’s.”

“Well I guess it’s a good thing we got them all. Can you imagine if someone impressionable and naive enough to believe everything they heard from a chat bot had-” “[Simultaneously] Oh my god, Nikki!”

“I can only hear about "shipping” people’s “bae’s” for so long.“

"Calculations complete. My analysis is…absolutely fucking not! You humans all suck.”

Season 2, Episode 3, Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak

“Get rekt, Mr. Waffles.”

“Actually, we’ll take whatever we can get, preferably we wouldn’t be talking to either of you.”

“[After kicking the ground and supposedly making the Earth shake] Oh no, my anger has manifested!” “Get to a door frame!”

“How do you know so much about it, Gwen?” “Yeah, I thought you had a…liberal arts degree.” “[Sighs] Associates degree.” “Oh, that is so tragic.”

“You coming too, Max?” “Still got those dice?” “Yep!” “[Grabbing the dice and walking away] Nope.”

“You can be the dwarf, because they’re dumb and ugly, just like your face.” “Aww, yeah. That one hurt. But my mom says I’ll grow into my looks.”

“Oh god! It’s chirping menacingly at me!”

“Anyone else want a twenty-sided asskicking?”

“Big deal, so you threw a bunch of dice at some animals. Kind of a dick move, to be honest.”

“This is a level 1 cave at best. There aren’t even any fire-breathing dragons or even a dang ol’ goblin!" 

"Oh, well, I guess that will work.” “[After the volcano starts to shake] IT FUCKING BETTER!”

“[After seeing the lava] Woah! Okay, well, saw the volcano, think it’s time we head back!”

“You’ve angered the mountain, Harrison! Gosh, you suck!” “I do not suck! You’re the sucking one!” “[In background] You both suck!”

“Oh, this is gonna be goood! Neil, are you seeing this?” “[Angrily] I’m going to hit you, Nikki!”

[pacman-tattoo]

I would really appreciate it if you did head canons if Jeremy was your older siblings! Thanks! >3

omg this is a cute idea aaa

aLSO THIS IS GONNA BE LONG BC I RAMBLE

alright u know what this is going under a readmore because this is basically me inserting reader into bmc as jeremy’s younger sibling plus some headcanons sprinkled in

(as i near the end of the musical all i can say is i aaaaaam sorry. there’s so much but i got carried away with rambling about you getting pissed over the SQUIP and just wanting your brother back in the end)

(i pROMISE IF ANYONE ELSE SENDS A “hey what if michael was ur big brother” OR ANYTHING IT WONT BE THIS LONG)

(y’all this got to the point where i might as well write this and i might if anyone requests it. it might not be soon since i got other requests i should be paying attention to but i’ll do it)

so i imagine ur like, a year younger than jeremy so ur a sophomore for this

good times except not, school sucks

you two def play video games a lot like it just comes with jeremy in general

im gonna go ahead and get it out of the way: jeremy and you are extremely close, especially after your mom left….

sometimes you would wander to his room and you two would just end up talking for a bit

“jer?” “yeah?”

“i’m… worried about dad.”

as you two got older these talks became less frequent

that’s all im gonna say because i’m not really the best person for the topic but you two are really close.

you kinda worry about jeremy a lot??? like, you asked him about going out with his friends and he kinda shut up and then mentioned michael was coming over and you kinda realized jeremy doesn’t really… have friends…..

but honestly??? the two of you are supportive of each other no matter what

you complain about school together. it’s a good thing to bond over.

especially because jeremy had some of the same teachers as you did so he just knows what you’re going through when it comes to really specific things

sometimes you eat lunch with him!!! like you have your own friends but you’re like ‘cmon he’s my big brother n he only ever sits with michael, i should at least talk to him some’

they kinda get it since ur brother is a neeeerd

plus you don’t always eat lunch with him so it’s not like you’re constantly abandoning them or something

“you’re signing up for the play?” “yeah, why?” “is it because of christiiiiine?” “shut up”

you 100% know about his crush on christine and honestly, can you blame him? she’s an angel

you end up tagging along with him and michael to the mall for the… squick??? whatever, dude.

“alright, jer, but hear me out: do you really need some pill to be cool? you’re cool enough as is” “ur… literally just saying that bc ur my younger sibling” “shut up dude ur the coolest big brother”

no point in fighting him since he’s gonna do it anyway. michael’s going to spencers??? there’s a gamestop nearby so yolo might as well walk with him

(also yes i 100% found the website for that mall and looked up a map so get an idea of how this whole scene goes???)

u leave gamestop, maybe after buying some merch because video games??? expensive. too expensive.

maybe one day.

where the fuck is jeremy.

michael has to go so either you gotta go with him or go find jeremy and you ultimately go looking for jeremy since he’s ur brother, what else are you gonna do?

jeremy is… weird.

you don’t question it at first bc he’s probably upset but whatever

at some point during school michael approaches you… alone???

“dude where’s jeremy”

“that’s… what i came to ask you about???”

you’ll beat up jeremy later like what the fuck, michael might as well be ur brother-in-law because they might as well be married

you end up going home alone

i like to imagine ur also friends with michael because of jeremy and sometimes he texts you when he can’t get ahold of jeremy so you can go tell jeremy to stop doing whatever and talk to his friend about whatever

so you just get a text from michael like ‘what the fuck is up with your brother’

squipped!jeremy kinda starts ignoring you and telling you off??? what the fuck jeremy???

“jeremy if being cool means you’re going to be an asshole, then maybe you shouldn’t be cool”

you two fight??? and like, the two of you rarely have a serious fight but it ends in you slamming your bedroom door and your dad gets worried and tries to talk to you but you kinda end up shutting him out as well

you feel bad about it but you just want to be alone

fast forward to halloween eve (which you’ve kinda abandoned your friends for sitting with michael?? they’re pissed and they aren’t talking to you but you couldn’t care less, michael needs someone)

jeremy comes downstairs and ur sitting on the couch, alone for once

“halloween party?”

he’s… kinda caught off guard?

like you two don’t really talk after you fight until one apologizes.

“be careful.”

he just stares at you.

“hey, uh, [y/n],” and he just kinda stares at you before he jerks slightly, as if… someone shocked him? “don’t wait up.”

you nearly get pissed before deciding fuck it, discount halloween candy awaits you after halloween-

… jeremy and you always get discount halloween candy. the two of you always would go to the store and roam around the aisles finding the Good Shit and then you two would go home and eat until you were sick but it was great because, yeah, you feel like shit afterwards but sibling bonding, man.

it isn’t the same. it just isn’t the same by yourself.

you end up staying up late anyway. jeremy might be an asshole now, but he’s still you’re brother. you might as well stay up and make sure he at least makes it inside.

you fall asleep watching a movie before you know he’s home.

but you do wake up when your phone keeps buzzing

it’s michael. he’s asking about jeremy and before you can even respond he’s calling you and jake dillinger’s house burned down??

jeremy is fine, physically at least, but now he’s just straight up ignoring you.

can i mention your dad is getting worried? you two were close.

hey, remember rich? the guy who recommended the SQUIP to jeremy? you talked to him. he’s genuinely upset by the way.

you also learn a lot. about the SQUIP, at least.

its the night of the play and your sitting and talking to your dad and basically rambling about jeremy without giving details

and then there’s jeremy.

you take your dad’s side for once, and jeremy fucking yells at you about it.

“you were supposed to support me, i’m your brother! we’re family-”

“not anymore, jeremy - you’re not my brother because my brother wouldn’t treat his friends and family like shit!”

he gets pissed at you and your dad tries to defend you and then he says shit to your dad

you straight up punch jeremy for that shit. you hit harder than he’d think.

after the play you basically live at the hospital waiting for jeremy to wake up

the moment he wakes up your at his side like “is it gone?? please tell me it’s gone, jeremy, fuck, please tell me i have my brother back.”

(you kinda freeze because you forgot rich was there???)

he… kinda sees how much he hurt you for the first time. it’s a really shitty moment. michael pops in and you just kinda excuse yourself for a few minutes and wander away for a few minutes

there’s still a lot of strain on ur relationship??? like, you aren’t just happy siblings anymore who fight over little shit and scream at the other when they cheat at video games or complain about homework and teachers. 

he and christine eventually date a little??? you’re happy for him but at the same time it just kinda… bothers you. sometimes he gushes about her and how she’s so sweet but it just kinda makes you sick because of all the shit that everyone just went through…

heck, jeremy notices that you’re… really, really off. he misses being able to sit back and laugh with his little sibling??? he misses being able to just be a complete dork around you.

one day you’re having a really shitty day and you’re sitting at the kitchen table burying yourself in homework and you just hear the rustling of a wrapper and he sets down ur fave candy in front of you

“look, i know i was an asshole and the worst big brother, but just… i’m sorry.”

it’s not enough, but it’s a start.

one night you wake up from a nightmare that everyone??? was squipped again??? you go downstairs and there’s jeremy, standing in front of the fridge, just staring

you wander over and peek in and he’s just… staring at a bottle of mtn dew red. at least, he was until you stepped behind him. he quickly shuts the fridge and immediately asks why you’re awake because??? it’s 3 am????

for the first time in a while you two confide in each other. 

“i… really did a lot of shit, didn’t i?” “yeah. i mean, it’s not all your fault - rich said the SQUIP made him do a lot of shit too.” “yeah but still, i did it-”

it takes a while but eventually you two get to be back to the sibling bond you two had - even if there is a little bit of strain

alright that’s a lot of shit of just reliving the musical so i’ll throw in some headcanons rly quick:

there’s always a constant bicker over small shit. “JEREMY ATE ALL THE CHIPS” “[Y/N] FINISHED THE LEFTOVERS” “kids please stop yelling” “JEREMY STARTED IT”

y’know how siblings can be embarrassing? never a problem with you two. the reason? both of you have plenty of embarrassing stories about each other and no one else will ever hear them

the closest it’s ever come is when you kinda just popped into jeremy’s room while he was playing video games with michael and nearly spilled a story about jeremy before u got a quick jab in the side

“nO NO [Y/N] GO ON” “[y/n] i swear i will tell him about the time-” “michael i value my life so…”

michael still wants to know about the time at the amusement park.

he’ll never get to know. not from you, at least.

BTW THE TWO OF YOU??? POKEMON GO

YOU HUNT.

YOU  G O 

michael joins but sometimes it’s just “no sibling bonding time we gotta”

alright i’m done sorry if shit is ooc i spent over 3 hours on this

[adiseaselikeyouspreads]

They start meeting just about every day after school, at Regan’s house. The first few times, it’s a lot of demonstrations and a lot of Jason getting knocked on his back. He’s sorer than he’s been since he finished his physical education requirements.

It’s still worth it, though. Both for knowing he’ll have a better chance of defending himself, and for when he successfully gets out of Regan’s grip and feels a swell of pride, earns a big grin.

“You’re a quick learner,” Regan compliments, when Jason manages to successfully counter a grapple. Jason’s top is drenched with sweat and Regan barely looks tired, so that’s still a problem, but Jason can already feel himself getting stronger.

“Or you’re a good teacher,” Jason counters, using his shirt to wipe sweat off his forehead.

“Let’s go with both, then we can both feel good.”

Jason laughs a little. Over the course of the last week, he’s gotten increasingly comfortable with Regan. It’d been awkward to be around him without his binder on at first, but Regan hadn’t even seemed to note it. And it’s easy to get comfortable with someone who unquestioningly backs off when you call uncle in a sparring match.

“How long did it take you to get good at this?” Jason asks, going to get a sip of water.

“Well, I’ve been in sports on and off since I was pretty young.”

“So I’m as good as you were when you were eight?” He guesses.

“Pff. More like eleven.”

“That’s sooo much better.”

“Hey, if you keep up the good work, you’ll close the gap eventually.”

“Eventually,” Jason sighs. “Guess we should get back to work, then.”

The next day, he feels a bit like his arms are about to fall off. Lugging his backpack around all day is hellish. At least it’s a satisfying sort of burn. The kind he knows means he worked hard.

Still, he can’t help but be relieved that there’s no film club today. He gets picked up and dropped off at home and gets to flop down on the couch and just breathe. It’s a recovery day, so he’s going to do approximately nothing but watch T.V. Maybe study a little, if the news doesn’t stop popping on talking about the Camera Killer’s most recent video.

At least, that’d been the plan. His dad starts to fumble around in the kitchen, walks into the living room, back into the kitchen, then back out, juggling a number of files, floorplans, a thermos, his wallet, and his cellphone.  

“You alright there?” Jason asks, watching his dad struggle to sort through a couple papers.

“Yeah, just-” He checks his phone, quickly, then pulls some money out of his wallet and holds it out to Jason. “Some problem came up at the house I’m working on and I need to go check it out. Ask my contractor how it is going to affect the budget. I didn’t get to go grocery shopping, so just run down to the 7/11 and grab something. I’ll bring you late dinner when I get this worked out.”

“I…” Jason stares at the money, then looks up at his dad nervously.

His dad is confused for a second, and then the gears start turning. “Hey,” he says, sympathetically, “it’s only a fifteen minute walk there and back. I’ve got my phone on me, you’ve been doing your self defense stuff. Just make sure to go while it’s still light out.”

“Right…” Even though he takes the money, he doesn’t look too pleased about it.

“I’ll probably be home around eight,” his dad informs him before rushing out.

Jason puts it off for as long as he can, before he actually has to start worrying about the sun going down. Before he steps out the door, he messages Regan.

Jason: walking down to 7/11. let’s hope I don’t have to use my new skillset. :^/

Regan: you got this jj

Jason smiles a little at the nickname, wondering if he could make an equivalent for Regan. R.A.? No. That’s what you call the dorm advisor in college.

Regan: remember if a big guy comes at you, use his weight against him

Jason: what do I do if a small guy comes at me?

Regan: tell him you know dmitri and he’ll have to stop. short guy code

Regan: fr tho momentum is ur friend

Regan: hmm. maybe i should draft dmitri for short guy sparring practice

Jason: I feel like he would bite me.

Regan: he would definitely bite you

Jason: how would I explain that to my parents?

Regan: tell them ur new gf is kinky

Jason: I’m pretty sure that’s how you get grounded.

Talking with him is making this walk a lot less nerve-wracking. Constant communication, focusing on anything but his paranoia.

Regan: wat are you buying?

Jason: chips, probably. or ice cream.

Regan: bro

Jason: what?

Regan: bro youre trashing ur body

Jason: omfg. what healthy thing could i buy from 7/11!!

Regan: multigrain bar or some nuts

Jason: what swamp did your tastebuds crawl out of?

Jason: creature from the black legume.

Regan: dont diss legumes dude

Jason: I’m buying a slushie out of spite.

He walks into the store, hearing the jingle of the bell overhead. He’s got just enough to buy himself a slushie, a bag of chips, and a candy bar.

Jason: mission success- bought junk food without dying.

Regan: 🎉

Jason: now for the encore.

Jason steps out of the 7/11 and starts the short journey home. Drinking from his slushie makes texting a little harder, but he’s so got this.

Jason: so what’re you up to?

Regan: just got home from riley’s

Regan: gonna make myself a salad like a responsible teen

Jason: meanwhile I’ve got chocolate.

Regan: i should make a chocolate vinaigrette

Jason: you cook?

Regan: hell yeah dude

Regan: i dont know how to make a chocolate vinaigrette tho

Regan: that was a joke  

Regan: i guess i could look it up

Regan: i make a mean half moon pie i should make some for you sometime

Jason: I don’t know what that is but it has pie in it so I’m in.

He takes another big slurp of his drink and grins around his straw when Regan starts to ramble about how to make this dessert.

Then something is wrapped around his throat. A presence suddenly behind him, a taut rope wrapped around his neck, strong arms pulling back. Everything falls out of his hands when he yelps in surprise.

He wasn’t paying attention.

His mind races. Choking. How to- he tries to tuck his chin, but the rope is under it, that doesn’t help, this isn’t a choke hold.

The rope is digging in and up, any time he tries to get solid footing, another yank almost makes his feet almost leave the ground. He flails, elbows, grabs at the unknown assailant’s face. The more effort he exerts, the more his lungs scream in protest.

Unfortunately, he can’t do the same; his voice coming out rasped and restricted.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. None of Regan’s lessons prepared him for this.

He tries to dig his fingers under the rope, shift his weight to ease the pressure, throw off the attacker’s center of balance, but none of it works. His vision slowly gets dark around the edges. His brain is still on full panic, heart hammering rapidly. But his consciousness goes soft and for the second time in very few days, he blacks out.

Waking up this time isn’t like last time. It isn’t a slow climb out of a muddled state. It’s sharp, disorienting; he was in one place but now he’s in another.

And this place is very dark and this time there’s no Sidney kicking walls or silly harmless clocks.

There’s just frigid cold. Pale light coming in through high windows, casting long shadows. He can barely look around. He’s strapped to a chair. With mild horror, he realises it’s a dentist’s chair. Modified, his legs and arms bound. The bindings are tight. No silly amatuer stuff, no pulling at the right angle to get out. Fear seizes him. His stomach is doing flips.

He’s alone, for quite some time. He doesn’t know how long. The light outside is fading fast. He dropped his cellphone. What if the killer has it? What if he texts his friends, parents? No one will even know he’s missing. Not until tomorrow.

A door creaks from somewhere and he tries to twist and look, but his mobility is a little limited right now. There’s a sound of rolling wheels, along with heavy, booted footsteps.

“Hey,” Jason croaks, before he can even consider if it’s a good idea to speak.

“Mr. Joon-ho, you’re awake,” comes a low southern drawl from somewhere behind him. “I hope you had a nice nap, because we are going to be very busy.” The voice slowly rounds round until Jason can see its owner. It’s deep and rich, the kind of voice that would be soothing, if not for the fact that it is coming from behind what is clearly a mask of cured human skin.

The rest of his clothes look too normal. Jean jacket, plaid shirt...hunting gloves. He’s pushing a cart with what can only be described as an array of sharp tools on it.

That comes to a stop a good five feet away, but the man paces closer.

Jason can see his chapped lips and dark eyes through the rough cuts in the mask, hear his heavy, unfiltered breathing, imagining the humidity inside the mask; he feels nauseous, wants to cry.

“Let me out of here,” he demands, tries to sound insistent, but he knows how scared he sounds. He gets a laugh in return. A short one, a facsimile of politeness, like he’s chuckling at a dear friend’s witty joke.

“Bless your heart,” the killer says, and Jason’s skin itches. “Can’t do that, little buddy. You see, you’re a delicacy.” He plants a hand on Jason’s arm. “Surviving five murder attempts? That’s some kinda record. I’d love to let you marinate for a bit longer. Seen how you’ve been strengthening up. Would taste a lot better with some meat on you.”

His other gloved hand pats Jason’s face and Jason’s brain goes haywire as he realizes who this is. He jerks and tries to curl in on himself, but he can’t. He can’t protect his squishy middle bits from what this fucker is no doubt about to do to them.

“But let’s face it. You’re just a pit stop on my cross country tour. Can’t wait around any longer.” The Cannibal withdraws both his hands and taps his chin. “In fact-” And he’s moving back to that cart.

“Help!” Jason shouts, as loud as he can, jerking against his restraints. The sounds bounce uselessly off the walls.  

“Hey now,” the Cannibal says, turning around, walking back towards him with some nondescript item in his hand. Jason can only see the handle. “None of that. There’s no one out here, anyways. And you should save your voice. There will be plenty of time for screaming later.”

“Fuck you,” Jason says, throat tight. Before he knows what happens, he feels a burst of pain. The Cannibal just punched him in the face with a meaty fist. His head is spinning.

“Watch your language,” the Cannibal comments, even voice turning acidic for just a second. Jason laughs as he feels the blood flow from his nose, tastes it on his lips. This guy’s about to carve him up like a Christmas ham and he doesn’t want to hear him swear. Incredible.

The object shifts from one of the Cannibal’s hands to the other and Jason can see, now, through skewed glasses, that it’s a potato peeler. Just a run of the mill potato peeler. His stomach sinks.

“Any gourmet worth his salt is always going to sample his ingredients,” the Cannibal jokes as he seems to test the sturdiness of the peeler against his glove.

“Why do you do this?” Jason asks.

The peeler halts. “I already told you you’re a delicacy. A rare treat.”

“No, why do you do this?! This sh- stuff, why do you-”

“Well aren’t you precious?” The Cannibal asks. “You still believe in motives.” He presses the peeler to the side of Jason’s face. When Jason tries to turn his head, the other hand comes to hold him still. “I do it because I want to, and because no one can stop me.”

The peeler doesn’t rake down fast. It digs in, and carves, slicing off a strip on his right cheek in a slow, agonizing pull. It hurts, sears, like the world’s worst rugburn.

He can’t help that it pulls chokes and sobs from him even when he grits his teeth.

The Cannibal releases his face and takes the strip of skin between two fingers. Jason can feel his pulse pounding in his cheek, can feel the fresh blood.

Without preamble, the Cannibal lifts the sliver to the hole in his mask and pops it in his mouth, like it’s nothing, like he didn’t just tear it off of someone. Jason gags.

“Sorry to say, squirt, but I’ve had better,” he jokes, wiping the peeler off on a handkerchief he draws out of his pocket. “I can work with you, though.”

The Cannibal returns to his cart.

“Please don’t do this,” Jason begs.

“I worked up quite an appetite bringing you all the way here,” he answers nonchalantly, while examining knives, like he’s trying to decide which one will do the best job.

There’s a very loud sound from outside the room.

Like the sound of a door being kicked in.

The Cannibal tilts his head, like one would when confused. His hand slides to a particularly large knife and he takes it up, walking towards the door.

“Stay right there, peaches,” he hisses, sounding less like his fake-polite persona and more like an angry serial killer.

He opens the door and peeks his head out. Almost immediately, there’s a gunshot. He hears the Cannibal grunt and stumble back, but not fall.

Another slamming sound, probably someone kicking the door the rest of the way open, then a second gunshot. This time, there is a solid thump as the Cannibal hits the floor. A third gunshot comes anyways, and then there’s quiet. If Jason strains his ears, he can hear the mechanical rasp of the Plague Doctor, breathing heavily.

Jason closes his eyes, tears welling up. He doesn’t want to be relieved. He doesn’t want to be relieved that they’re here, but he is.

“Are you in here?” They ask, after a moment.

“What took you so long?” Jason responds, voice shaking.

“This is a big place.” They walk over, footsteps more hurried than usual. It’s the tall one. When they see him, they stop. Jason wonders if it’s really that bad, or if all the blood is misleading. Instead of commenting, they use their free hand to undo Jason’s bindings. He can’t help but note that they’re holding Christian’s gun. He doesn’t want to think about it.

When he’s free, he rubs his wrists and sits up, slinging his legs off the side of the chair.

“Do you need me to call 911?” Funny. It’s the first time they’ve asked.

“Do I need stitches?” Jason returns.

“Probably.”

He sighs, and pushes himself to his feet, despite the tremors in his legs. “Alright.”

The Plague Doctor returns to the body of the Cannibal, crumpled in the corner, and searches him. He doesn’t have a phone of his own on him, but he does have Jason’s. So they hand the phone to him and he gets to dial the number himself.

“911 operator, what’s your emergency?”

“It’s Jason Joon-ho. I was kidnapped by the Cannibal. The Plague Doctor saved me, but I’m hurt. I’m currently in…”

“In Warehouse number fifteen,” the Plague Doctor informs him.

“Warehouse fifteen,” he repeats.

The Plague Doctor turns to go.

“That’s not your gun,” Jason finds himself saying, before he can stop himself. The Plague Doctor looks at Jason, then at their hand.

“Better in my hands than in one of theirs,” they state.

“Better in no one’s. Better if you leave it here.” Jason stays firm.

They test the weight of the gun, like they’re still unfamiliar with it.

“Hopefully we’ll reach the point where I can give it up, soon,” they say, lowering their arm. That gives Jason pause.

“How do you sleep at night, after doing shit like this?” He asks.

“With all my windows locked.” They leave.

The police and paramedics come and his brain sets on autopilot. He barely thinks. Even when his dad gathers him up in a tight hug and apologizes.

Getting home feels weirder than after the previous attacks. He goes to bed without eating. No appetite. And as he lies there, he thinks about how every other time, there’d been some sliver of a chance, some way he could’ve hoped to have gotten out. But this time, he really would’ve died without the Plague Doctor.

[cloudmonstachopper]

Chiimquisitor Shenanigans

The epic tale of GARDENING PARTNERS IN CRIMMMMMMMME (literally lmao)

So blackwall just like. Straightup. Disappeared. To go to an execution???? And Chiim is just like blackwall come baaaaack what will I do without my gARDENING PARTNER IN BEEF?????

Blackwall: I’m not blackwall! Chiim: GASP (also explains why he didn’t hear/answer the ‘calling’) BUT GASP

Chiim: *wanders by storekeeper on way to prisons* Storekeep: make your purchase quickly, please. They say you are...... disruptive. Chiim: You know, this is why I hate Orlesians, ya damn right I’ll be disruptive cause Y’ALL ARE ASSHOLES Chiim: I mean what who said that

Chiim: ....hey, blackwall Blackwall: I’m not blackwall Chiim: then how about... friend? Blackwall: I lied to you Chiim: doesn’t change the fact taht you’re my friend. I’m friends with Leliana, and Varric, too, and they lie ALL the time (to me, even!)

Blackwall: I’m a traitor and a coward and a MONSTER Chiim: the GUY WHO PLANTS GIANT TURNIPS WITH ME ISN’T A MONSTER. Unless you think I’m a monster. Which i guess you could. We can be monsters together, then. Monsters don’t have to be bad. Not always.

Blackwall: (looks at Chiim and sees how their men trust them, but also how Chiim really isn’t fond of Orlesians, the game, the lies) Blackwall: I embody all of those things you hate, how can you be so kind to me, love me as a brother???? Chiim: clearly you’re having a crisis, and as your brother in arms, it is my duty and PLEASURE to HELP YOU THROUGH IT GDI Chiim: *gently* I can’t lose my gardening partner, buddy

Josie: so, Cullen, ur gettin love letters from ladies from the ball Cullen: BURN THEM Leliana: ohooooo, no, give them to me, this sounds JUICE I mean useful to the inquisition? Cullen: LELIANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Leliana: oh hush you, just stand there and look pretty ;D Chiim: I love my family. Especially when they act like siblings. Amazing.

Chiim, adventuring with Leliana: you’ve been here before? Leliana: Yeah, it’s where I met Justinia. She was just Mother Dorothea back then Chiim: well... what are we lookin’ for? Leliana: heh, straight to business, inquisitor. That’s why I like you (she looks so charmed)

Natalia: *shows up* Chiim: SUSSPEEEEEEEECT Natalia: forgive me, my lord, for not recognizing you earlier Chiim: I’d rather not be recognized, though it’s kind of a tough gig when you’ve got horns and a glowy fade hand. Please don’t call me my lord, Inquisitor is fine. Natalia: oh, oh I see. *goes back to chatting with Leliana* Chiim: hmmm maybe she’s ok

Leliana: *opens secret passageway, immediately puts blade to natalia’s throat* Chiim: *in reality is shocked but plays along* ohoooo SHE WAS PLAYIN UUUUU THE WHOOOLE TIME AND U DIDN’T EVEN KNOW

So Chiim gives Natalia a chance to join the inquisition. Not only does she refuse (understandable) she INSULTS LELIANA (UNFORGIVABLE). You just don’t go insulting Chiim’s found family. YOU. JUST. DON’T. (those people end up dead. fast.) (Chiim is ruthless when someone insults their found family. There’s a reason they’re an assassin.)

Chiim: *returns to skyhold* people are calling me your worship again it’s so uncomfortable *ick face*

Chiim: wanna go take out a dragon? Bull: Y E S Sera: Y E S Solas: do I have to? Chiim: Yes Chiim: *going through giant area to reach dragon* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Chiim: *breaks for stealth* ahhhhhhh

Bull: So Solas. You go into the fade ON PURPOSE when you dream? just to.... hang out? Solas: yup, pretty much, exactly that.

Chiim: DRAGON KILLING TIME.... right after..... I go to the Hinterlands to buy this grenade recipe Chiim: which I’ll do... after doing some war table things.... Chiim: I also have some light gardening to tend to.... Chiim: oh yes I also have a perk to spend Chiim: oh yeah I ought to beef up these tonics too..... Chiim: ok now that we’ve done allllllllllllllll of that. We can go buy that recipe. And then beef up that grenade. And THEN fight the dragon. Sera: it’s like being dragged with your mother shopping, with the promise of candy at the end s i g h

Dorian: I thought you’d go to weishaput with Hawke, Varric? ... though Weishaput is awful, everyone’s so serious and no one can take a piss Varric: *sigh* Hawke would be there. Dorian: haha we all know how fun Hawke is Varric: no, really. Mishka’s a hoot and a half. We’d have a grand old time. Mostly taking the piss outta everyone else. It’d be amazing.

The noise Solas makes when he jumps is the MOST PATHETIC THING I HAVE EVER HEARD OKAY

Chiim: I’m gonna judge him. *steels self* I’M GONNA GET MY GARDENING PARTNER B A C K DAMMIT Blackwall: you did this!!! THROUGH CRIME!!! YOU’RE JUST AS BAD AS I AM NOW Chiim: Blackwall I was either gonna get u back by being a sneaky sneakypants or get u back by storming the castle would u r e a l l y have preferred I Killed people in this process dammit???? Blackwall: no, you should have left me there! (or gotten Josie to pull strings tho I still woulda been sour) Chiim: I DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU Chiim: *offers freedom so he can redeem himself, blackwall pledges himself to the inquisition* Chiim: DAMMIT. I AM GOING TO HUG YOU. I AM GOING TO HUG YOU SO DAMN HARD. MY BELOVED GARDENING PARTNER IS BACK WHETHER HE WANTED IT OR NOT, STOP BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE TO URSELF BLACKWALL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE LOVE YOURSELF EVEN A LITTLE BIT

Chiim @ randomass masked orlesians hangin around in the gardens: GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY PLANTS, ASSHOLES

Chiim: sup dorian Dorian: the chiimquisitor’s work is never done without me, it seems Chiim: *worried that they’re bugging dorian so much and being a burden or not self-sufficient* I.... should go.... Dorian: *winks* try not to kill anyone without me (please)! Chiim: *feeling significantly reassured* okay!

Sera really has a good friendship with Blackwall. During gardening sessions she likes to camp out up in one of the trees, eating some fruit (and pelting berries down at newcomers to the secret garden). It’s great.

The invisible market stall is now visible. The rumors aren’t sure what to make of this. Chiim just rolls with it, pretends absolutely NOTHING has changed (secretly they’re slightly perplexed but it’s coo’, it’s coo’)

Chiim: *enters great hall* Randomass orlesians: *disrespecting blackwall* Chiim: GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HALL, ASSHOLES

BLACKWALL’S NEW CARD IS BADASS also Chiim totally calls him their gardening partner in crime now. Blackwall doesn’t find it amusing. Literally everyone else does tho. (Blackwall’s secretly a little fond of it.)

Chiim: GET IN THE BOAT, KIDS Chiim: WE’RE GOING DRAGON HUNTING Bull: oh boy, today is the BEST DAY

Chiim: oh. Electricity dragon. Viv’s electricity and I brought her with me. Welp I’m just gonna charge into this dragon all reckless like. And see what happens. Chiim, literally the entire battle: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK Vivienne: *dragon dies* Smells a bit of dead fish, don’t you think, my dear? Chiim: *panting heavily, like their life depends on it, still stabbing the corpse frantically, gasping* FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK- oh mAH GOD WE DID IT Get back to skyhold and Varric looks at them like “FUCK what happened to YOU GUYS” (they’re all limping heavily and dorian is just totally COVERED in blood. Viv mostly looks the same, except she is nOTICABLY disheveled so you KNOW shit went down) Bull: *holds giant skull aloft* WE KILLED A DRAGON AND I GET TO KEEP IT Krem: NO BULL, IT WON’T FIT IN UR ROOM Krem: not with the others already there, at least Bull: I’M STARTING UP A COLLECTION Chiim: well I mean there’s only like three dragons left so idk if you’re only starting just NOW that’s kinda sad Bull: good point, good point. Can we buid a hall for me to house my skulls in to gaze at them lovingly? Cassandra: we are NOT doing that Dorian: idk cassandra, it sounds like a delightful idea to me Chiim: I mean, I have my agrden, why can’t the boys have their hall of dragon skulls? Cassandra: I can’t believe YOU’RE the person I made the inquisitor

People in the hall: your worship Chiim: *hands over ears, screaming* STOP CALLING ME THAT AHHHHHHHHH *runs from the room*

Bull: There’s our dragon! *v proud* Sera: Oh wow, that’s a BIG one <33

Addendum: I realize, after having been shown some other things for context, that Chiim’s reaction to Blackwall was underwhelming. For that, I offer: Chiim: well. I mean. It’s WEIRD. But you’re still you???????? the person I know is cool???? so I’m keeping you. Whether you approve or not. Chiim: so get in the fuckin wagon, blackwall Chiim: We’re going GARDENING

you are welcome

[beardedwinnerobject-blog]

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is there home insurance for apartment dwellers?

Backed into something. Will insurance rates go up?

Today I backed into something in my car. It did slight damage to the rear bumper but nothing else. Could I choose to file this through my Insurance, and would this make my rates go up? I'm 18. Thanks""

""Who has the best car insurance for 2 people good credit, a 96 car and a 99 car. in the 40s, ?""

now in AAA, but AAA raised it since i moved to bismarck nd. shopping for good and reliable car insurance. its going to be staying with AAA, and pay more or go to no-dak, will not go ...show more""

What is General Insurance?

Need clarification and knowledge about the car insurance? What is it and is it mandatory?

How can I get free health insurance?

I'm 20 years old (almost 21) but I cannot afford more than $25 a month for health insurance. I work in a small town, full time at a family owned business that cannot offer me medical insurance. HELP!""

I have a question about cars and insurance....?

i just bought a car and im going to go register it today and put insurance on it and i was wondering , can my husband drive my car even though the insurance is under my name only and the registration is also under my name? our insurance is basic (not full coverage) like if the police stops us... will we get in trouble? thanks""

Who's a good health insurance provider?

I was looking to get some health insurance soon outside of my job. What insurance company has something affordable for someone like me? 24 year old male no health problems non smoker.

Can my dad by a motorcycle and put it under his insurance for me to drive?

ok im conused about this whole thing i know for a 16 year old motorcycle insurance is crazy. So how would this work my dads been driving all his life(Harley-Davidson) and his insurance is cheap, now for me its gonna be alot of money so can he buy the bike and put it under his name then i just drive it so then it wont be so much $ on me? can this work or is that illegal for me to be driving someone elses bike? is there anyway like i stated above to make my insurance cheaper if this doesnt work?""

Why are car insurance companies trying to make me go bankrupt?

Okay, this is extremely frustrating. I'm a 19 year old student, who works part time. I have all-state insurance full coverage, and I drive a 2001 toyota tacoma, which is paid off. And guess how much Allstate charges me every 6 months? $750!!!!!!!!!!!! That is absolutely ridiculous. These son of a bitches are totally ridiculous charging me that. I've never had a ticket, never been in an accident. And I don't care if i'm 19 that price is absolutely absurd for that car. I'm almost at the point where I just wanna go illegal and drive without insurance. I'm looking sleep every night over this I mean seriously do they think a 19 year old college student is made of money. And the funny thing is it's under my parents policy and its this much!!!""

Auto Insurance: Name Insured and Operator...?

We have two cars and they both titled/registered under my mom's name. I take one of hers to college about 50 miles away and use it daily. Today, we switched to another insurance because of lower premium. This new company issued us a set of new insurance ID card. On the card, there is only my mom's name on the name insurance (it has both of our name on the old insurance company). My name is only listed in the coverage page on the premium as an operator. Now, my questions: 1. Should it has her name only or both of our names? 2. If there is only her name, am I insured when I get into an accident (knock on wood)? 3. If I let my friend drive my car in a special occasion, and he got into an accident. Which company should I claim, his or mine? What if he doesn't have any insurance? Would my insurance rate go up after on? 4. If I drive my friend's car and I get into an accident (both of us have insurance). Again, Which company should be claimed, his or mine? Would my insurance go up? Thanks.""

What car insurance do you have?

Im trying to find one that's cheaper I recently have 21st Century. What's the name of your car insurance and do you like it?

I need advice for my auto insurance claim! Please help!!?

I was in a car accident 4 days ago. My Mother was the passenger in my car (I was driving). I was on the off ramp getting off the freeway. All cars behind me were stopped. I was stopped waiting to make a right turn. An emergency vehicle was coming in my direction from my left. Therefore, I was waiting for the emergency vehicle to pass. The person behind me (large dodge ram truck I am in an '08 2 door Infiniti coupe) thought I went so he 'gunned it' to get in front of the emergency vehicle. Unfortunately, we had not gone so he pushed my vehicle out in front of the emergency vehicle. Luckily, I was able to turn my car out of the way. I did not hit anyone (no one was in front of me). My Mother and I were both put into a gurney and taken to a local hospital in an ambulance. We both had our seat belts on and suffered whiplash. We were released 5-6 hours later after x-rays, etc. We were both prescribed medicine. My Mother has had 3 brain tumors and has trouble with her speech etc. and any violent startling trauma can get her shaken up pretty badly and confused. I know she hit her head but, she is in pain but not nearly as much as I am. With my Mother's condition I don't know if this kind of thing can have negative effects later on. I know that my neck and back is pretty messed up. It hurts to stand for after 15 minutes or so. My car is pretty messed up and had to be towed. I plan on taking it back to the Infiniti shop to get all new parts. My car has all the upgrades in it so I want it to be taken care of. Am I allowed to take it to the Infiniti dealership or will Geico (the other persons insurance) not allow that, or does it not matter? The police gave the guy that hit us a citation. I have USAA and the other person has Geico. I just want to know exactly what to do in this situation. Since I'm out a car (I work for myself) I have been out (already) a decent amount of money for not being able to meet up with my clients. I spoke to my insurance today and they said that all my medical is covered since I had that already in my plan (without it raising my premium) and that I should get a settlement ON TOP of paying for damages to my car and getting me a rental, etc. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to get taken for a ride. I've heard the horror stories of dealing with insurance companies. Any advice on what I should make a point of saying to the other insurance company, etc. Thanks in advance....""

Auto insurance fraud..how much trouble am i looking at?

i don't need to be judged..I made a dumb decision which could have resulted in me losing my life and im lucky i didn't. anyways here goes..so a supposed friend of mine told me she couldn't wait to teach me to drive..i told her i didn't want to drive until i got my permit. well after telling me that she pulls over and asks if i want to drive..i tell her no..she keeps pushing telling me she thinks i'd be good at driving and eventually after saying no 8-10 times i give in and we switch..i continued up the road and i made the right and i was maknig another right and i lost control and ended up on the sidewalk and crashed into a pole..airbags exploded and all..when immediately got out of the car and I asked her what we were going to do and she said to me so help me god if i lose my license and again i said what are we going to do? she said were going to say i was driving..we got ran off the road by a red truck..when the cops came i stuck with the same story she did and we went to the hospital and all..this happened a month ago..the vehicle was totaled and she collected money from the accident. I however felt so guilty i went and turned myself into the police and told them the truth about everything. the cop that was at the accident is who i spoke with..i filled out a witness report and the cop said that he was really glad that I came forward with the truth and that she would be in much more trouble than I and that he planned to take it easy on me since i came forward about it and because i am a mom..he said the most i will probably get is my license suspended..i am still waiting to get anything in the mail and i'm so nervous bc i don't know if i can get in worse trouble and was wondering what other people thought..honestly the whole thing has scared me from ever wanting to drive again and even though i wasn't the victim i really felt like it for days after the accident..i was very distraught..and i'm scared even being a passenger in a car now..i watch everything and get very scared fast. Can i get in trouble with the insurance company? I didn't give them a statement. I just told them about me going to the hospital and stuff..my supposed friend actually gave them the statement..they sent me a bunch of paperwork in the mail to have me mail back in so they could cover medical expenses but i never sent the stuff in or filled it out bc i didn't want the insurance company to pay for something that was my fault. I live in pa and i guess im just wondering how much trouble i can get in? or if i should be okay because i came forward with the truth.

What is the cheapest car insurance?

I'm young and living on my own so I really need car insurance thats good but reasonably priced.

Sprint insurance question.?

Can you only start insurance on your phone when you get it, or can you put insurance on it whenever you want? My phone is acting up and i've been on the contract for a few months now. Can I put insurance on the phone and then have the phone replaced with a new one?""

What are some of cheapest but decent cars to run ( I am 17 years of age)?

insurance? MOT? petrol litre? = cost?

How much is cheap auto insurance for a 16 yr old female?

she would have a nissan maxima. how much would it be to have her under her own..with a co signer in VA

Is Geico auto insurance liability only?

Is Geico auto insurance only liabilty coverage or do they have full coverage also?

Which insurance companies offer the lowest rates for a vehicle?

I would just like to know with peoples experience with different insurance companies which ones are more reasonable than the others. I'm looking to buy a sports car soon so I just need to know which insurance company won't rip me off. thanks

Question about different garaging address on insurance policy?

I had had my license for 6 years in October, and called my insurance company to make sure my rate would go down. While on the phone, the rep and I got to chatting and I mentioned to her that I have been staying most nights (6-7 nights per week) at a different address for over a year now, but my license and policy are still listed at my mother's address. The rep explained the garaging address can be changed without changing the billing address if the two are different. Today I received an email about being refunded the difference at the end of my policy term. I didn't realize the changes would generate such a huge difference in price (The zip code of the town I have been staying in has a low crime rate and my mother's address is in a city). I realize people change their address to commit fraud, and now seeing such a difference in rate, I want to sure there is no legal ambiguity- I want to be crystal clear on what garaging implies and what I need to be aware of. 1) Am I in a gray area...If I go home for a weekend? If I lend the car to my brother for a few days? Do I need to be at the garaged address 80% of the time? 100%? I almost want to call them and ask to change it back just so as not have to worry. 2) Also, what would generate the bigger rate difference- the garaging change or the fact that I have had my license for 6 years? (is there a way to tell? Can I request a revised policy? 3) I am planning to replace my car soon, possibly donating it by the end of the year (very old car with continuous engine problems), so I will need to cancel my policy before it is up in April. Will this complicate things further? Any advice or resources are greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance and thank you for reading!""

Insurance for driving my bf car?

I am getting my driving license, how much roughly will cost the insurance to drive my boyfriend's car? It is an old petrol skoda... Thank you!""

What are some cheap cars to insure for an 18 Year old?

What are some cheap cars to insure for an 18 Year old? I am learning to drive at the moment but I want to know what some cheap cars are to insure?

How much would my monthly insurance bill be (18yr old male)(i just want a ball park figure)??

When I turn 18 I am going to buy my first car (im 17 now). I can't decide which car I want to get. Please tell me about how much insurance will cost me for each one. I will be on my own policy. I will get my license just before Im 18. I live in California. My car choices are: 1. 2009 Nissan Versa Hatchback 1.8S 2. 2009 Honda Civic Sedan LX 3. 2009 Toyota Matrix S 4. 2009 Chevrolet Aveo Sedan LT

Is Geico a good auto insurance company?

I have been looking at a lot of different insurance companies recently. I have gotten a lot of online quotes and so far, Geico is the cheapest, not by a lot, but every little bit helps. Can anyone let me know the good and the bad with Geico? I'm in Michigan if that helps...""

Need affordable dog insurance?

Hi I am a college student and getting a puppy soon, i need an affordable , and good dog insurance, please if you have one...give me the details and which insurance you have, i would really appreciate it. Thanks!""

Don't Have Insurance But My Dad Does. Can I Drive (with him) In His Car?

In other words, I'm from California and I don't have insurance nor a car. I have a Permit. The adult (with a license) has a car and insurance. Is it legal for me to drive his car (with him on passenger seat) even though my name is not on the insurance?""

How much would insurance on my motorcycle cost?

I'm 19, it's my first bike, I have no history of tickets or getting pulled over, the bike is an 04' black and red Kawasaki Ninja 600. I live in Florida, near the Gulf Coast by the way. I want to know how much the insurance would cost on my bike monthly/yearly.""

Cheapest car insurance for an 18yr old with 1 yr no claims?

Cheapest car insurance for an 18yr old with 1 yr no claims?

Car insurance lowering (LEGALLY!!!!)?

right, i best tell the whole story. im 17 in a few months, so my parents have given me 5,000 for a car and insurance, which i thought would be plenty for something decent. however, as i have to insure the car myself (no fronting), and even a group one pile of c**p costs over 3,000 to insure. i know i could take pass plus, but are there any other ways to lower the insane premiums legally? and are there any insurers who give a good price for new drivers? thanks for the help :)""

What factors affect how much i will pay for car insurance?

what are the factors that affect the amount i pay for insurance on a car? im looking to purchase my first vehicle and want to know what i can't afford.

How much will my insurance go up after a fender bender?

Im 16 years old and i have progressive, this morning i hit a car, there was only a couple scratches on the other car as i didn't hit it hard, and no damage to my car. The police werent called we just exchanged info, so how much will my insurance go up for this accident. if you can even call it that.""

How much would auto insurance be for an 18 year old female?

ok I have good grades (straigh A's) I will be driving around 2,500 miles 5 days a week I will be able to drive a 2001 chevy tahoe, 2004 honda civic and 95 toyota camry main car is 95 toyota camry though i live in san bernardino what would be the average amount for insurance? where can i go to get cheap liability insurance?""

Can we get finally affordable health insurance now?

Me and my fiance pay $650/month on health insurance and it really sucks. My fiance was denied by every health insurance b/c of a heart condition which is common in his family and I am pregnant and everybody denied me of course too. So we got coverage with Cover Colorado. With the new health reform, can we apply now at different insurances? How is that with the premium? If they need to take you, can they give you a very high premium?""

""I haven't had auto insurance in over 6 months, I need car insurance HELP!?

I haven't had car insurance in over 6 months due to financial reasons and so far everywhere I have called (popular insurance companies) and they have denied me. Which auto insurance in the New York area accepts drivers with a clean record that hasn't had insurance within 6 months. HELP! I really need my car back.

Is pregnancy considered a pre-existing condition in florida?

IM PREGNANT!!!! I am 7 weeks along and just found out! The problem is I start a new job next week and will not be eligible for insurance until after 90 days.. By then I will be over four months along and I'm not quite sure if they will accept me or if they will say that it is a pre-existing condition? So, my dilemma is either: pay out of pocket until my 90 days are up and hope they accept me OR apply for medicaid and use the health department? If it changes anything the insurance I would be applying for is Florida Hospital private owned insurance.""

Can you get car insurance and motorcycle insurance on the same policy?

I have insurance on my car but i havent had insurance on my bike for about a year. i was going to get with my car because i needed to renew my tags but they told me they dont cover motorcycle. i was wondering if there is a company that covers both?

My health insurance policy is too expensive. What shall I do?

My health insurance policy is too expensive. What shall I do?

Insurance rates on these cars?

I'm very fortunate to come from a middle class family, and my parents are footing the bill/insurance for my first vehicle. My budget is $22,000, but I would like to spend less than that, as my parents also pay for my university and some of my athletic fees (what my sponsors don't cover anyway.) My marks are good, which I know gives me a bit of a break on my insurance, there's a discount for being at least a B student and I don't plan on driving much, as I live away from home (where I intend to keep the car,) it's cheaper to take the bus (bus pass included in tuition,) and I'm a conscientiousness driver, driving is a privilege, not a right after all! But when it comes to the average insurance on these vehicles for an 18 year old (I've had my Learners since I was 15, with no demerits) 2005 BMW 545i 2007 BMW 3-Series 328i Sedan 2007 Cadillac CTS Sedan 2006 Audi A4 Sedan 2010 Volvo S40 2.4i R Sedan 2007 Mini Cooper 2011 Chev Camaro (base) 2007 Lincoln MKZ Sedan Would they be fair in terms of insurance in terms of what you know?""

""I have no car insurance, husband got into a car accident, what to do?""

We've been struggling financially this past year, and to make matters worse, my husband rear ended another car. He's stating he didn't see any signal lights or tail lights that night. Our car is totaled, but the other person's car got there whole back end bent in like hulk punched the crap out of it. All procedures went, police and ambulance came, and now we need to go to a doctor today to see how long he has to recover. Luckily we are living with family, so we are getting support from them also. Thing is, we have absolutely no money, and no car insurance. What should I do? I live in Hawaii so there's a no fault benefit, but is that only if I have insurance? Should I get a lawyer involved even if my husband was the only one hurt?""

What is the cheapest car insurance?

I'm young and living on my own so I really need car insurance thats good but reasonably priced.

What is the difference between Insurance Brokers and Insurance Agents?

What is the difference between insurance brokers and insurance agents?

Cheapest car insurance in Massachusetts for a new driver?

I'm buying a car soon and will need insurance too.

What would be the most inexpensive insurance for me?

Im looking to buy a car. I don't know what kind yet because I don't want to get a car that's going to have me with really high insurance. I'm 19. I don't really know much about all this . Any and All advice would help . Thanks :)

How much is insurance for an 18 year old?

Who lives in Kentucky and wants to find a car that's cheap but will get him around without breaking down. Know what I mean? He has $2,100 out of college money to help pay until January. Then he gets more o.o So what do you think? What should my friend do?""

How much price of the car drops after a accident occurs?

Rear ended............. car bumper is damaged honda civic ex sedan 2008 ?? The insurance wanted to estimate a diminished value for car and I just want to be prepared to know around how much would be rational. Thank You so much.

How Can a 17 Year old Teen Afford Car Insurance?

I am a 17 year old guy working on getting my first car. I was thinking possibly a 2000 Pontiac Sunfire, or a 2006 Saturn Ion. I had looked up a few quotes from Progressive and Esurance, and noticed that the semi-annual price was VERY high, way beyond anything my family could afford. I was wondering If anyone knew of a way that I could possibly afford this. Many of the quotes totaled at $800-$1000 per six months. This is outrageously high, and that was just insurance for an adult I had quoted. Adding a teen onto the insurance would be much more expensive. If anyone has any ideas on what I can do to cheat the system per say, or just find a nice and cheap affordable, reliable insurance company I'd be extremely grateful.""

How much do you pay for your teenager's(16) auto insurance?

I just got a learner's permit, and GEICO says that they do not charge for learner's permit. However, when I get my driver's license, it'll cost an additional ~$500 per 6 months. I am a straight-A student, records are clean, and I'm NOT adding an another car--just me--into my parent's coverage. Is this expensive? Normal? Cheap? What do you pay, and what company are you covered by? thanks""

Can auto insurance company refuse to cancel my policy?

I have gotten another auto insurance company due to the rudeness and refusal to switch my monthly draft to another bank. I had one bank and to close due to some suspicious activity that indicated signs of fraud. When I called to tell my insurance company about this the lady was very rude to me and made remarks about not wanting to my payments, I have been on time with every payment. She didn't believe me and told me she would wipe all other accounts that I had with that bank. I truly honestly had to close my account and she won't take the new account. I have already got my new insurance ready to go just need cancel my old insurance. Would I be mean if said I am canceling because someone was rude to me and made my ordeal a joke?""

Why is the insurance prices so high?

OK from what I have seen from my friends they have been getting car insurance for there cars for about 1000 a year, now when I check on gocompare.com the cheapest quote is around 7000, what is wrong I've only been searching a vauxhall corsa 1.2l. I don't see why it would be that much.""

By how much car insurance will go down after 1 year NCB?

I am 29, have been driving for ages, previously had another country license, got UK license last year and bought a car. My car insurance is due to expire next month. I was wondering how much it will go down with one year no claims, just looking for an estimate. or how much did your insurance go down after a year.""

Whats the website for high school sports insurance?

They use to give the application on paper but now it's online, I forgot the website, what is the website for it?""

What do I do if a car insurance company overpays on a claim?

My parked car was hit last week. The gentleman who hit it gave me his information, and his insurance company assessed the damage and wrote me a check to pay for its repair. When I took the car to the Toyota shop it will be repaired at, the worker analyzed the car and the report filed by the insurance agent. He said that one of the repairs was not completely necessary. If I choose not to get everything on the insurance report fixed, what do I do with the extra money? Can I keep it, or do I have to return it to the insurance company? Can I get into trouble if I do not return it in a timely fashion?""

How much does a root canal cost with insurance?

I do not have insurance right now. I went to the dentist's office recently and was informed that I have two wisdom teeth grown in. I have a job that offers dental insurance but I have to wait 3 more months to receive this benefit. I don't know if I should wait a few more months and pay less to get my wisdom teeth removed or if I should get it treated now and pay over $2,000 for 2 root canals and make a monthly payment of $200 for 12 months. How much would I save and pay if I were to get 2 root canals with dental insurance?""

""On buying a new car, should I get insurance for it immedliately?""

I am buying a new car in a day or so. Am I legally required to get insurance before I take it out of the dealership? I heard that dealer should keep insurance for 1 month. Is that true? If it is true, what is covered - just the car? Driver? Passengers? New-car buyer in Texas""

Can you ride a Ducati 848 for every day use and is the insurance expensive?

I wanna purchase a bike, my first decision is the Ducati 848 evo, i wanna buy it brand new(2012) but the only 2 things im concern about is the insurance on it & can that bike be used every day.... im 22 just got my moto license and have had my drivers license for about 6 years if that matters( i did an online quote was 700$)im looking for full coverage, I live in California have no record of anything bad at all (accident etc).My second concern is can this bike be driven every single day? Its like the Ferrari of bikes and when you own a ferrari you dont drive it every day..... does this bike break down alot? My second and final decision is the yamaha r6 (2012) i want nothing but the ducati but if the ducati cant be driven for everyday and the insurance is a total rip then i guess ill have no choice....Please if possible only answer my questions please (i really don't wanna read get a used one learn from it drop it etc i know and understand that all my only concerns are the questions)""

""What type of Life Insurance is best for my husband and I? (We just purchased a home, we are both 23 years old)""

My husband and I are both 23 years old and we just purchased a home. We have been under pressure from our Insurance Agent and our Mortgage broker to obtain Life Insurance in case something happens to one of us. We would like to have coverage in case something happens. I know the importance of Life Insurance, as my mom was killed in a car accident when she was only 38. So, we want to be protected, and we want our house to be safe. We are pretty much clueless when it comes to Insurance policies. I ALREADY LOOKED UP THE INFO ON WIKIPEDIA, SO PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME MORE OF THAT. I want opinions on what the best kind of Life Insurance is for us. Term (but if it is a 30 year term, does that mean when we are for example 54 and something happens after the 30 years, we aren't covered???) or Permanant (whole life, and others). We didn't like the decreasing term policy our agent showed us. We have gotten 2 quotes for Term Life. Help us make an informed decision!!! Please!""

I can't afford to get Health insurance will I be penalized under the Affordable healthcare act?

I am literally living paycheck to paycheck this year so far has gone from bad to worse for me and now I have to have health coverage and I wasn't able to make the March 31st deadline

Insurance for teenager?

I just need an in general Really what I need is a website where I might be able to fill out some information to get an average of what my insurance might be. I will get my license soon. I have a high GPA around 3.5 and will be driving a dodge spirit in ohio. Anyone have any idea around what my insurance would be?

Car insurance?

I am a newly licensed driver and i dont know who insures them. Please help. I am 19 and own a jeep cher. If you are or know anyone that could help it would thanked. I am also in California.

What type of businesses that are good to call for all kind of insurances?

Like Health Care Insurances, Life Insurances, Employee Benefits""

Cheap car insurance for 7 star driver?

Cheap car insurance for 7 star driver?

How much would insurance cost for an old 1960s/1970s car?

im new to everything dealing with cars and i lovee the 1967 cadillac eldorado..

How much will liability insurance cost ?

I am 17 and i have had my license since march of this year and i wanted to know how much will liability insurance cost me?

How much would it cost for a female 17/18 year old to be insured on a 1.2 Clio?

It's a 2002 model, also what is a very cheap insurance price range, and what sort of car would you have to have?""

Where can I find affordable car insurance for a kit car?

I recently purchased a car that was given a kit car title instead of a rebuilt title and now I have no clue who will insure it! I live in Florida and the cars title lists it as a 2006 Neon. Geico won't do it.. they are who I have now.. Any info would be greatly appreciated!!

What is the cheapest car insurance?

I'm young and living on my own so I really need car insurance thats good but reasonably priced.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/insurance-18yr-old-self-maus"